#our party is much different than how we started haha. we gained and lost many companions

[gootube]

we finished our rime of the frostmaiden campaign recently :]

[shoutaaizawas]

hii :) can i request shoto with either a college au or fake dating au with the prompt “kiss me again” FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF (nfsw if it flows and ONLY if you want) please

thank you for the request! i always forget how much i like writing todoroki. im sorry but i don’t do nsfw but please take my offering of a kissing scene haha

↳ todoroki shoto x reader → ❝all-nighter❞

event: au!prompts summary: you never expected to become friends with shoto todoroki but when you need to share a book for a project due in the morning you end up bonding. word count: 1,939 tags/warnings: fluff, incident with a creepy guy at a party, comfort, first kiss a/n: i don’t know what college is like bear with me. thanks to @lilli-chae for the college insight. also im giving myself a reward for writing and posting before ten at night lol

Todoroki Shoto was the last person you ever expected to befriend. He was a rich boy from a rich family and those were people you usually tried to steer clear of. He was always silent, if someone asked you what he sounded like you wouldn’t be able to answer them. And he always stared, it wasn’t in a creepy way like some guys but it still unsettled you. You had a few classes with him but had only heard a few words from him.

The first time you ran into him he was lost on campus. It was oddly endearing, the sight of him standing there looking around confused. You asked him where he was going and it happened to be the same class as you. He hadn’t said much except for a ‘thank you’ once you reached the class.

It wasn’t until one night at the library that you started to see him differently. You had a project due the next day. Had you received it weeks ago? Yes, but in your defense, you had a lot of other projects. Okay, maybe you had procrastinated too much. It was late and you needed a specific textbook for the assignment. With your ice coffee in hand, you made your way to the library ready to pull an all-nighter.

As you reached for the book you were already so exhausted you hadn’t realized that someone else was reaching for it at the same time.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” You said looking up only to see Todoroki.

“Sorry.” He said, looking sheepish.

“I’ll grab another copy-” As you looked at the shelf you realized there was only one. “Oh.”

“My project is due tomorrow, otherwise I would offer to use it after you.” He said.

“Mine too.” You said. “We could share it if you don’t mind.”

“That seems like the best option.” He agreed.

The two of you set up at a table big enough for both of you to spread out. It turns out you had the same topic for the same class.

“So do you procrastinate a lot too?” You said trying to break the ice with some humor.

“Not normally.” He said but didn’t elaborate.

“I wish I could say the same but this happens to me more than I’d like to admit.” You said. “You can use it first, I have to get it started before I need the information.”

Shoto nodded and took the book before getting to work.

It was surprising how likable Shoto was once he opened up. He was a bit stiff and awkward but he was really funny and very considerate. You felt bad judging him on his family status. He was nothing like the rich brats you had encountered in the past.

The two of you would take breaks, you would offer him snacks, and most likely due to the sleep exhaustion, you shared a lot of personal stories. His family was something else. The more you got to know him all the pieces of who he was fit together.

The last thing you expected was to wake up with your head on his shoulder in the library the next morning.

“Shoto.” You said nudging him awake. You looked at your phone, you had less than ten minutes to get to class for your presentations. “Wake up we have to hurry.” You said.

Shoto’s different colored eyes opened and looked at you in confusion before he realizes where he was.

The two of you quickly scrambled to pick up all of your stuff and run to class. Thankfully everything had been pretty much done before you fell asleep but you were upset you wouldn’t be able to grab a coffee to wake you up before class.

Since that night you considered Shoto a friend. You would study together sometimes and grab a coffee or lunch between classes. You found yourself confiding in him and he did the same with you.

“When did you and our school’s prettiest boy become best friends?” Your friend Mina asked.

“I think best friend is a bit strong, we just barely started hanging out.” You said.

“Well, best friend was me going easy on the teasing. The real question is when did you capture his icy heart?” Mina teased.

“Wow, okay. There has been no capturing of icy hearts.” You defended as your face heated up. Sure, Shoto was handsome and you liked his personality a lot but that didn’t mean you had a crush on him and you knew there was no way he would have a crush on you.

“Have you seen the way he looks at you?” She questioned.

“Yeah, he looks at me like he does everyone else.” You said.

“If that’s what you want to tell yourself,” Mina said throwing her hands up.

“It is what I’ll be telling myself.”

You did your best to push Mina’s words away but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t try to sneak glances at the way Shoto looked at you. Was his gaze softer when he looked at you? It had to just be your mind making it up.

It was a Friday night and that meant parties. Normally you were more of a stay at home and play video games and eat snacks kind of person but your friends wanted to go out and it had been a while so you agreed.

You ended up at a party on campus, it felt like almost everyone from school was there. You found yourself looking for one person in particular but you couldn’t spot him. Your heart sank a little bit, one of your motivations for going out was the hope that you would see Shoto.

You hadn’t meant to drink that much, you really didn’t have that many drinks but your tolerance wasn’t the greatest. You were having a good time, dancing with your friends. That was until some guy grabbed at you. Instinctually you hit him across the face gaining most people’s attention.

“Did he touch you?” A familiar voice said, your classmate Bakugou stood at your side in an instant with an intimidating glare. He was a bit over the top but underneath it all, he was a nice guy. Mina hung out with his group a lot and you had tagged along at times.

“Yeah.” You nodded. You didn’t have to say another word before Bakugou was dragging him out of the party, his friends Kirishima, Denki, and Sero following along. Mina rushed to your side pulling you out of the party in the opposite direction.

“Are you good?” She asked.

It was nice, the cool air of the night. Your head had been spinning but the ordeal had sobered you up a lot.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” You told her.

“What happened?” A concerned voice interrupted. Shoto approached with concern on his face.

Mina explained what had happened and you saw an anger in Shoto you hadn’t seen before. He moved to the direction he assumed Bakugou had taken the man but you grabbed his arm.

“Can you get me out of here?” You asked him. You didn’t want him getting involved, this had been bad enough. You just wanted to pretend it hadn’t happened.

“Of course.” He said before looking to Mina. She nodded and Shoto placed his had between your shoulder blades and guided you away. “Are you hungry?”

“I could eat.” You answered.

The two of you ended up in a 24/7 diner not too far away. Sitting down in a booth under the fluorescent lights you already felt better just being in Shoto’s presence.

It was quiet. You ordered water and chicken strips. You weren’t sure what to say, you didn’t want to talk about what had happened and Shoto seemed upset.

“I should have been there sooner.” He finally said. “My father called me, held me up.”

Was he blaming himself for not being there?

“Shoto, it’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault. I’m just happy that I got to see you tonight and to be honest hanging out here is a lot better than at that loud house.”

Shoto sighed but his expression softened.

“I’m glad I’m getting to spend time with you too.” He said.

After that the mood was more relaxed, you talked about different things and laughed at Shoto’s jokes. Once you were done eating Shoto paid for your food, refusing to let you do so before he walked you back to the dorm you shared with Mina.  

“Do you want to stay for a bit?” You asked.

“Aren’t you tired?” He asked.

“I don’t want to be alone.” You admitted quietly.

Shoto walked in without a word. You sat on your bed opening up your laptop putting on something to watch before placing it on the table beside your bed. Shoto hesitantly joined you, sitting beside you leaving some space.

In retrospect you probably had a little leftover liquid courage from your drinks earlier when you scooted over closer to him, your leg pressed against his. Or maybe you just needed the comfort of having someone you trust close.

It was nice. The sound of Shoto’s soft breathes, the warmth that came from him, the way his arm brushed against yours. It was all comforting and helped the tenseness in your body melt away.

Before you could stop yourself you rested your head against his shoulder, you tensed for a moment waiting for a reaction but Shoto said nothing. A few moments later you were shocked when he took your hand in his softly. You couldn’t stop yourself from looking up at him. His soft gaze was already on you.

It felt unavoidable, unstoppable, the need to lean up and press your lips against his. At that moment you didn’t think of any consequences the action could have. It just felt right. Shoto didn’t pull back, rather he leaned forward meeting you halfway. His right hand cupped your cheek, you felt so small in his grip. His left hand moved to your waist pulling you closer.

After a moment you pulled back to take a breath.

“Kiss me again,” Shoto said. You smiled at him and leaned in again. You adjusted yourself so you could wrap your arms around him, holding him close. It felt unreal. How could things change so quickly in one moment? In one second Shoto was your friend who you may or may not have a crush on and in the next you were kissing him wondering how you could ever lie to yourself.

How could you not like Shoto? He was so good to you, so interesting in every way. Every day your thoughts drifted to him whether you tried to stop them or not. You couldn’t get him out of your head. When you saw a cute dog you thought ‘I bet Shoto would like to see this dog.’ When you ate at a new place you thought ‘I think Shoto would like the food here.’

How had you convinced yourself you didn’t like him?

“I really like you.” You said pulling back again but keeping your hold on each other.

“I really like you too.” He whispered against your lips, looking deeply into your eyes. “Go on a date with me. Please.”

“How can I say no?” You smiled before kissing him again.

“Hey, how are you doing?” Mina’s voice filled your dorm room as the door opened. You and Shoto froze as Mina stared. “Nevermind, looks like you’re doing great.” She said before shutting the door and leaving.

“I’m never gonna hear the end of it from her.” You sighed.

[alexazbofficial]

[INTERVIEW] “REVOLUTION” Singer AleXa Talks About Her New EP “Decoherence”, Podcast, Online Concert And More

KHIGH: Can you please tell us briefly about the making of the “Decoherence” album?

AleXa: We started recording it during the summer, starting with “Villain”. We were recording and fixing songs up until the first week of September, actually. I was in and out of the studio multiple times a week for MONTHS. Thankfully, I was able to contribute to the creative process of the album in writing some of the lyrics to the tracks~ It was a very stressful time, but at the end of the day, music helps me get through my struggles; in creating this album, it was a healing process for myself. Very grateful for the wonderful and skilled teams that we worked with while creating the album.

KHIGH: For this music video, you filmed all of your own stunts and we heard that you were also injured in the process. Fans recently saw on your Instagram that you had gone to a Korean Action School too. So, as a fan of action and stunts can you tell us what that entire experience was like? How did you think of implementing action in your MVs?

AleXa: It was SO FUN!!!! I’ve always wanted to try stunt work, specifically combat. Albeit, the fight choreo changed completely the day of the shoot, but thanks to the awesome team of stuntmen we worked with, the shoot went flawless and without injury! Or, at least the *fight* choreography did, haha… the explosions? That’s another story. It was super exciting, and honestly not scary in the slightest. The scariest part of that portion of the filming was getting hit- BUT, getting hit sent my adrenaline RUSHING and my brain was like “THERE IS A LION CHASING YOU RUN FASTER!!!!” Very fun process. Absolutely no regrets and would 100% do it again.

KHIGH: Your song “Moon And Back” has a very different vibe from the rest of your music, what was your inspiration for that track?

AleXa: The team figured it was time that we gave a ballad song a try, and I could not be more grateful for the song that I received. As a child, my parents frequently read me the book Guess How Much I Love You- in the book, there’s a quote, “I love you right up to the moon and back”, which my mother would tell me all the time as our goodnight. I tell it to my fans on Twitter at the end of ‘menpas’ (mention parties/interactive session with fans), most of the time. That was the inspiration for the title.

KHIGH: Since your entire concept quite stands out in the K-Pop industry, what do you think are the advantages of having a unique concept, and what different concepts would you like to try in the future?

AleXa: Rather than having just a unique concept, I am so blessed to have such a unique and special company. There are several perks of being a part of the ZB Label/ZanyBros family, as their artist. Our company is a creative powerhouse full of hardworking visionaries who strive to make their ideas a reality. We would love to try MANY concepts in the future, but personally, I would like to try a chic and mature sexy concept, like Gain’s “Paradise Lost”, or Sunmi’s “24 Hours” or “Full Moon”.

KHIGH: The covers of your albums have a huge artistic aspect in terms of animation and design. Have you ever taken part in designing these images like what you would wear or what your hair would be like?

AleXa: The album art is a TREMENDOUS thank you to Malcolm, aka RocketBoi Art, who lives in South Africa! He’s a joy to work with, and all of us fell in love with his art style! I anticipate seeing the cover art every comeback~ As for character design and whatnot, it all comes from Malcolm’s incredible mind. Our team provides the hair color and outfit inspiration, and he runs with it.

KHIGH: Back in July, you had your very first online concert which was a huge success having a count of 7,000 viewers. Can you share what it was like performing for your fans through a screen?

AleXa: As much as I do miss performing in front of a live audience, I was immensely happy to have been given the opportunity to perform for my fans online. It was truly an amazing experience that will always stay with me throughout the course of my career. I was so nervous if I would even break 100 people, so imagine my surprise when our wonderful CEO broke the news to me that we had near 7K fans in attendance. It really blew my mind, and I am so grateful to everyone who attended.

KHIGH: If people are hearing about AleXa for the very first time, what song of yours would you recommend as a first listen?

AleXa: I would recommend ‘Bomb’!!! It’s my debut song and it definitely gives you the signature AleXa sound right off the bat.

KHIGH: Recently you became a co-host for one of the Dive Studios’ podcasts, what has the experience of working on a podcast been like?

AleXa: It’s a lot more fun than I expected. Dive is such a chill place to be and the team makes the recording sessions fun~ Stan Day6 lol

KHIGH: You have completed a year as an Idol, what things stood out the most for you after debuting?

AleXa: Now that it’s been a year after debut, some of the key moments for me have been my first live stage at Music Bank for debut, performing in Singapore two weeks after debut, and attending the Soribada Awards, where I won my first award.

KHIGH: Please share a message for A.I Troopers!

AleXa: Hello you lovely, lovely humans. Thank you for all the love and support, from all over the world. I hope and pray that we can continue to walk down this path together for the next few years and watch each other grow. Stay safe, happy, and healthy! Hopefully, I can see you all soon. Love you all to the moon and back~

© kpophighindia

[honeyjaez]

Maze of Miroh- Chapter 19: The Battle for The Under Pt 2

I have a somewhat long announcement guys so bear with me here.

Ahhh hey guys. I got a lot of reasonings as to why this chapter is so late. First, I started Uni again, and its been an adjustment. Two, some internal issues at work caused me to break down in a complete depression spiral. For about 3 whole weeks I cried at work at least once a day haha. Finally, and this was more recent, but the rumors regarding Woojin.  I started this story of May 2019, before Woojin left, and afterwards I vowed I would continue to write him in my story despite no longer being in the group. But this issue it totally different in its entirety. Regardless if they are true or not (and we don't know that they are or not) the way he has handled the whole thing did not sit right with me. This topic hits close home for me as it is and I contemplated removing Woojin from my story all together to avoid making you guys feel uncomfortable as well as myself because it is such a serious trigger. As more rumors came out about his treatment towards the others members and what not I suddenly got a sick feeling in my stomach about him in general. When news first broke out I just wanted to go on in the story, never writing his name again and just totally drooping his character. I thought about telling everyone to not think of these characters as stray kids members and keep him in. But as I've had time to calm down and come to my own decision about the matter, I've decided that I will write him in this story for only this chapter and possibly next. I will be removing him from this story in a plot driven way and I would like you all to respect my decision on this matter. If it comes out later on that he is innocent of all his has been accused, then hey, *shrugs*. But I would rather that than me continue to write such a compassionate and kind character for someone who has lost their way in this regards. I just personally do not feel comfortable at this moment writing him in. Which really sucks because he was such an important part of this arc lol. Anyways, If I have offended you all by my way of removing Woojin from this story I am truly sorry. Again I thought about just totally pretending his character never existed in the first place. But as a writer, it didn't sit right with me.

With that, I have to tweak the story a bit, but I hope you enjoy this little update. Next update is nearly done (Actually this chapter was originally like 3 times longer, but I decided to cut it up.) Have a good night!

The Under:

To say Jisung was in a bad mood was a complete understatement.

All they were supposed to do was get down here, get the information they needed from Dowoon and get the fuck out.

There weren't supposed to be any psychotic speed demons, nor an emo Legolas wannabe with a stick up his ass. And there CERTAINLY wasn’t supposed to be any Virus.

Jisung furrowed his brow as their group ran towards the outer city limits. He looked behind him to see Minho straggling a few feet to the side, the older boy's eyes focused on the road in front of them. Jisung clicked the roof of his mouth with his tongue in annoyance before he turned back around to look at the buildings in front of them.

If only the others knew what they were going through. Jisung almost laughed  imagining the raging meltdown both Changbin and Seungmin would have had in reaction to their current situation. They both are used to Chan’s more risky judgments, being in the group for as long as they had. Oh, if they could see us now….

He let out a long-winded sigh of defeat. They should have left when they had the chance.

But alas, he was being the selfish one here, and his other members had to be heroes incarnate, risking their lives for a group of people who they barely knew…Woojin hyung aside.  And in return, it would be up to Jisung to protect them all since they were all so infuriatingly reckless.

Nope definitely not annoyed....

Jisung’s ears perked as he heard a voice call out to them as they moved closer to the edge of the city. His eyes adjusted forward to see Wooyoung looking back at them, mouth moving as he voiced a command to them. Right away, the team came to an halt as they reached the first signs of buildings, and Wooyoung turned to look back at them, his eyes dark and hard with determination.

“Since some of you don’t know how our city is set up, we will split up in groups.” he explained “Mingi will go with Minho to the eastern section of the city, while Jisung and I will head to the north… Jongho, you'll be in the west.”

Wooyoung’s voice faded from Jisung’s mind as he felt his blood run icy cold at Wooyoung’s words. Now his annoyance was being overwritten by fear. This was exactly what he was afraid of… they were splitting up.

“Hyung,” Wooyoung seemingly continued, looking towards Woojin “since you know the city, can you head to the center? Our 3 teams will have to work fast, ushering the people back here towards the southern part of the city where the bunker is.”

Jisung shook himself back to the present and looked to see that while his eyes were hard with determination, he didn’t miss the way Wooyoung’s hands trembled at his sides. He regarded the older boy with a wave of understanding and sympathy.

 No matter how you look at it, we are working in a helpless situation… At Least he has the good sense to be scared…

But that begs the question. What about him? Was he scared? He was annoyed, that was for sure. But it didn’t take a genius to know his annoyance was just a mask, trying to hide his own fear.  No matter what, the odds did not look favorable.  5 of them trying to evacuate an entire city on their own? Working with a timer that they didn’t even know what it’s set at?

No thanks, I want a refund.

Woojin must have sensed Jisung’s negativity, for he set his eyes on the younger, giving out a small, knowing cough to gain his attention. He looked up and  locked eyes with Woojin, seeing the elder boy give him a half smile, like he was trying to reassure him.

“It won’t be easy,” he said out loud, tearing his gaze from Jisung’s and towards the party. “It will take all of our best efforts, but remember what Hongjoong said. No one has permission to die here and I am seconding that.”

The younger boys all stared at the older boy, their gaze turning hard with determination. Only Jisung looked apprehensive as he stared at his two teammates, and he found himself looking particularly in the direction of their green-horned Minho, who was still very much a novice in this world.

Jisung thought back to just a few hours ago in their shared room and Minho’s words caused Jisung’s brain to short circuit.

__

“Jisung, no matter what obstacle, what problem and what path leads in front of you, I believe with every fiber of my being that you will come out on top.”

__

God I really hope he is right….

If he was going to save the city and keep Minho alive he was going to need all the luck in the world.

Minho’s words replayed in his mind as he caught sight of Mingi making his way over to the brown haired boy. It was then that Minho himself seemed to feel Jisung’s gaze, and looked back, staring evenly. Jisung noticed with a twitch in his face, Minho’s soft eyes showing the slightest of fear to him. But before Jisung could do anything, Minho quickly covered it up with a misplaced resolve.

The younger grit his teeth in annoyance, knowing that look all too well. He saw it enough in his brother when they were kids and enough times in Chan and the others to last him a lifetime.

I swear to god he wants me to hate him...

Nothing made Jisung madder than a beautiful idiot with a death wish....

And Minho was all three.

There were a few exchanges between Wooyoung and the others, but all too quickly it was over and Jisung felt an arm ripping him from the circle, and thus tearing him from Minho’s gaze.

“Come on” Wooyoung muttered quickly “We have the furthest distance needed to travel. There is no time to waste.”

Just like that, Jisung was pulled from his fellow members, his stomach churning at the thought of being separated from them in a situation like theirs. If he isn’t there to stop them from being complete idiots, then who was?

Yep. Definitely annoyed.

“Fuck...” he cursed under his breath as he turned his back around, leaving the group behind as the both picked up speed. Jisung closed his eyes, sending a silent prayer to whatever god lived above to listen to his plea.

“Keep the idiots with a deathwish safe….please…”  

Minho

Minho watched as Wooyoung dragged Jisung away, an uneasy feeling in his stomach starting to make its way upwards. He hated being separated just as much as Jisung probably felt.  But he couldn’t argue with Wooyoung’s logic, nor could he back down from the task at hand.

He was going to save as many people as possible and show The Order that their time of winning was over.

Minho jumped slightly as he felt a hand on his shoulder, turning to see Woojin give him a comforting smile. “Jisung will be alright Minho,” he said, as if he knew his thoughts. “If anyone can take care of themselves, it’s Jisung.”

“Yah.” Minho agreed with a quick nod of his head.”You’re right.”

“Minho!” Mingi called “You ready? We need to get going!”

Minho turned to the taller boy who was standing next to Jongho and nodded  “Ready”

Woojin took a step forward, brushing his shoulder with Minho’s as a form of comfort. “Take care of him Mingi, he is our important member and friend...lord knows what Felix would do to me if I lost him on this mission.”

Mingi snorted playfully “I don’t know who that is, but as long as he can keep up we will be fine.” He then turned towards Jongho, placing two hands on his shoulders “Be safe little one.”

Minho almost laughed as he watched Jongho look up at the taller boy with a mildly annoyed face, “You know I can kick your ass right?” he asked the taller boy.

Mingi was unfazed as he waved a hand in the air. “Details Details” he said with a smile, motioning for Minho to follow him. If Jongho had heard his comment, the youngest made no notion of it, and turned back around, heading in his own direction.

As they ran further and further from the others he couldn’t help but shake a deep feeling of dread. Minho turned his gaze backwards to look at Woojin’s fleeting figure and he felt his heart tightening in his chest. Something didn’t didn’t feel right.

“Tch!” Minho growled to himself mentally “No. I won’t psych myself out this time!”

This was it. This was another chance to do good, and prove to himself that he CAN do what is needed to be done. No more hiding. No more cowardice. Minho had to make a difference here or his promise to Jeongwoo would be meaningless.

The two of them went on for a few minutes in complete silence, but eventually Minho could feel Mingi’s gaze on him and he turned his head slightly to glance back.

“What?” was all he asked.

“How new?” he asked.

Minho's eyes widened in confusion, turning to get a better look at the bigger boy “Excuse me?”

Mingi chuckled, his gaze turning back to the road in front of them “I mean how new are you to this harsh world of fighting?”

Minho felt his cheeks warm in embarrassment at the question, and he quickly looked at the ground in front of him, sheepish. “Is it that obvious?” he mewed quietly.

Mingi laughed louder this time, throwing two hands in the air in kindness “Not really.” he chuckled “I mean just the fact that you beat San shows you have skills.” He said encouragingly. “I just ask because your members treat you like you're fragile… something you only really do when you are new to this world.”

Minho nodded, trying to calm down from his mild dose of embarrassment. “You can say that again….” he mused.

Mingi smiled at him and gave him a toothy grin “Well the others might not say it, but just the fact that you are against The Order makes you a friend to me!”

Minho’s eyes widened and he nearly smiled at the boy’s pure words. “I thought The Under were neutral when it came to The Order…” He said with a puzzled look. ”You neither give them support but neither do you fight against them… isn’t that right?”

But the younger boy shrugged rather casually, “That is the standard” he explained “But it doesn’t necessarily mean we all agree with it. Hongjoong hyung...” Mingi trailed off, like he was contemplating saying his next words.

“Truthfully….” the taller boy continued more slowly “If it were up to Hongjoong Hyung… We would have liked nothing more than to go the surface, to make The Under more than just a lawless city, that in which is suffocating in the mud and dirt down here.” Mingi turned and gazed at Minho, with the first sense of intensity he caught all day “He wants a better future for the children born down here, something we didn’t get.”

Minho looked at him, pondering his words for a few seconds, and trying to understand the underlying problem. Suddenly Chan’s words flashed through his mind.

“ If we even wanted a chance at overthrowing The Order, then we needed allies. Strong allies at that... “

Minho looked towards Mingi, face pure and honest “If given the chance... Would you fight back? And I mean seriously fight back...”

Mingi gazed back at him, noticing the serious expression on his face, nodding once. “Aye.”

Minho felt a wave of weight being lifted from him and he gave Mingi an earnest smile “Then maybe one day we will.”

It fell into a comfortable silence after that, but Minho couldn’t help but smile now as they ran. This was his first real interaction with another member besides San, and it left him hopeful that they could work together in the future. If they were all like Mingi and Hongjoong that is…

But before he could romance the idea any further, Minho’s smile dropped as he began to hear yelling in the far distance. Screams began to fill his ears and Minho realized with a thump to his heart that they were finally reaching an area with people. As they rounded the corner his eyes widened wide with alarm at the sight of crowds of people rushing forwards, carrying their young ones and belongings as they pushed towards the center. There was no order to it. It was chaotic and messy.

Exactly what Zico wanted.

Minho looked to Mingi who was also looking at the sight with a grim expression on his face. No matter how you looked at it, just two of them controlling this crowd was nearly impossible. It wasn’t going to be easy whatsoever.

But they had to start somewhere.

Mingi rushed forward then, aiming towards a herd of people, easily outpacing them and stopping at the front of them with his arms stretched wide as a blockade. There were a few shocked gasps but also a few who recognized the young boy almost immediately.

“Mingi-ssi!?” Minho heard a voice from the mass call  “What are you doing?! Why are you stopping us?!”

Mingi looked at the crowd, his face dead serious. “Despite what Zico said, protocol calls for all evacuations to take place in the southern bunker!” he tried to yell over the chaos “I’m going to have to ask you to turn the other way!”

Hushed murmurs ripped through the crowd and Minho perked his ears forward to listen.

“That's true…” a female voice said.

“But why would Zico send us to the center if it wasn’t the safest…”

“No matter what it looks like we have orders…”

“Well I trust our leader!”

Please, Please… Minho pleaded.

But Minho’s plea was crushed as the crowd began to push Mingi backwards, choosing to continue on their path. He watched as Mingi was quickly shoved to the side by the masses and he ran forward, pulling him back up as the crown sprinted forward and away from them.

“Mingi-ssi!” he called, helping the boy off from the ground. “Are you okay?”

“Tch!” he spat. “They are choosing to believe Zico over me!”

“Well” Minho reasoned “They don’t know about Zico so of course they still trust him…”

Mingi punched the ground in front of them, his anger rising “Dammit!” he cured “If only Hongjoong hyung was here...”

“Mingi-ssi?” a voice called.

Minho turned to see a taller, older man with worn out blond hair looking at him from across the rushing street. He quickly made his way over to them, holding out a hand to Mingi.

Mingi looked up, taking the older boy's hand, a tired smile on his face. “Inpyo hyung!” he cried “Thank god you are here!”

The one named Inpyo nodded, his face grim “Once the alarm sounded my boys and I set out to help with the evacuations but we are having a bit of difficulties” he admitted. He then turned towards Minho, eyes narrowing in mild interest “Who is this?”

Mingi waved a hand in the air, “This is Minho. He and his group are helping us. Minho-” he turned, waving a hand at the taller man “This is Inpyo. He and his team are one of the best of our police force down here.”

“- Was ” Inpyo corrected, holding out his hand to Minho in greeting “We all retired a few years back when we couldn’t stand by Zico any longer.”

Minho nodded in greeting, taking his hand for a quick shake “I don’t blame you..”

Inpyo smiled at that and took his hand away. “Mingi,” he asked, turning back towards the younger “Why would Zico have the city evacuate to the center of the city?”

Mingi shook his head “I can’t explain right now, but it is all wrong hyung, the center of the city is the focal point of what's to come, and we need to get everyone to get away from there. But no one is willing to listen to me...”

Inpyo placed a hand on his chin, deep in thought.

“Asking them to believe in someone else over their trusted leader is a bit much for most people....” Inpyo mused.

“I understand that” Mingi agreed “But we have to convince them somehow…”

They were all quiet as chaos erupted around them, trying to think of a plan. Suddenly a thought came to Minho’s mind and he looked up at them with wide eyes.

“Inpyo-ssi?” Minho asked “When you say you were one of the best, how much did the people of The Under trust you? Did you have their respect?”

The question caught the older man off guard for a second but quietly nodded “Ah.”

Mingi scoffed “Didn they respect him? They practically worshiped the ground they all walked on…”

“Then why not have Inpyo and his team tell everyone where to evacuate?”

“As much as they trust me Minho,” Inpyo started “I’m still asking them to go against Zico’s orders...most won’t be willin-”

Minho held a finger up in the air to interrupt “But what if we don’t tell them to go against his orders?”

Mingi tilted his head in confusion “Okay, now I’m lost”

But Inpyo seemed to understand what Minho was getting at and nodded once “We tell them something different. Something they would believe came from Zico himself...”

Minho smiled, a small bode of confidence sparking in him “Instead of telling them the evacuation site has changed, we tell them that the center bunker is too full and overflow needs to evacuate to the southern bunker.”

Mingi’s eyes widened in realization while Inpyo nodded “It might work, especially if it comes from our mouths.”

“Hyung” Mingi suddenly turned and looked at the elder boy “Where’s Jiahn and the others? Can you get in contact with him? Have them help?”

Inpyo nodded, pulling out a small phone “I scattered them all to various districts. But I can call them and update the plan.  Jiahn should be in the center of the city right now...”

Minho looked at the elder boy, chewing his bottom lip in worry. “If I can ask Inpyo-ssi. One of my hyungs should be arriving in the center region any second now to help with the evacuation. Maybe your friend could meet up with him.”

Inpyo smiled softly and nodded, “Better as teams than opposing forces. Who is your friend?”

“It’s Woojin hyung” Mingi answered. Inpyo’s face widened in mild surprise and he looked at Mingi with curiosity in his eyes “Woojin? Woojin is in the same group as Minho. Wooyoung is in the North with another of their teammates and Jongho is in the Western quadrant.”

Inpyo eyed him with a mildly disappointed look “And Hongjoong? Where are the rest of your teammates Mingi?”

The taller boy shook his head “Not enough time hyung. Just know they are all doing their part in this. Please hyung….We could really use your help…”

Inpyo nodded looking at the two of them. “I’ll get in contact with my team. Don’t fret Mingi-ya. The Under won't die here is I have anything to say about it.”

They stayed quiet as Inpyo opened his small phone and quickly dialed a few numbers. There was a few more heartbeats of quiet as he put the device to his ear, but soon enough they heard a click and a muffled voice on the other line.

“Jiahn hyung-yes yes I'm okay. Listen, plans changed” he started “We were right. Something is fishy with the center evacuation. We need to evacuate them to the sou-oh?” he stopped midstence as the voice spoke to him and Minho watched as he nodded in response “I get it. You met Woojin already and he told you. Okay. Well tell the people that the center is full and Zico has ordered the overflow to the south. Can you pass the information to Isaac and Yeontae’s groups? Great Thank you. Tell them when their sections are done and they have done a sweep to report to the southern bunker.”

And like that, without even saying goodbye the elder boy quickly shut the phone and turned back to look at them.

“For trusting sake, Mingi keep Minho with you as you work your ways inwards. We have a lot of ground to cover and not a lot of time.”

Both boys nodded and stood up from the ground, pounding their feet on the ground as they began to run into the crowd. A familiar sense of dread suddenly filled Minho to his core and he swallowed hard, his heart beat racing. 

Why did he feel like something terrible was about to happen?

[s-o-n-de-r]

"We like to think we’re the fresh face of the original pop punk days”- MAKEOUT talks Warped Tour, road life, youth, more

Pop-punk newcomers MAKEOUT just got off a tour with Icon For Hire in support of their 2017 release The Good Life, a catchy, well-produced record that mixes Take Off Your Pants And Jacket-era Blink 182 with Five Seconds of Summer sensibilities. 

Now, their next venture is on the final Vans Warped Tour, but that’s just one of the many opportunities the band has had recently. Sonder contributor Amanda Iglesias caught the band on tour with Icon For Hire and drummer Scott Eckel answered some questions for sonder about the band’s latest opportunities, dealing with toxic people in your life, and how to handle life on the road.

---

Amanda Iglesias: You’ve all played Vans Warped Tour before in the past few years. What do you wish you would’ve gotten to do that you didn’t have time for? What have you previously learned that you’re going to steer clear from? What are you looking forward to most?

Scott Eckel: Last time I played Warped, I had only had about two hours sleep the night before, and we flew straight from the studio over to Boston to make the show, so I was so out of it. So I can’t wait to actually take in the experience of Warped. I know the boys did a run the year before I linked up with them too, and they spent two weeks in a van. They tell the nightmarish story of trying to make each show driving themselves – it’s nearly impossible, so we’re pumped to be sharing a bus this time with the homies in Assuming We Survive. We’re looking forward to great bands and great hangs to be honest. We have so many friends out on the tour. It’s going to be one giant weekend hangout!

AI: How would you describe yourselves to someone that has never heard of MAKEOUT before?

SE: We are 2001 Blink 182 vibes meets Sum 41 meets Five Seconds of Summer. We like to think we’re the fresh face of the original pop punk days.

AI: What’s your plan to draw new listeners to your set at Warped Tour every day?

SE: We are gonna be out walking the line everyday, talking to kids, and spreading the word. Just straight hustling to get kids there. Social media is a great tool for us as well; we love interacting with fans.

AI: What differences have you noticed from playing small shows to touring with Blink 182 and playing amphitheaters, and how are you anticipating this to be different during Warped tour?

SE: It’s honestly wild. Small shows are fun, you can see faces, something almost always goes wrong, you’re squished into a venue with stacks of instruments because there’s no room, and you can’t change your pants without at least half the crowd seeing you haha. With Blink 182, we rolled up and a crew of people just loaded our gear, we got treated so so well, there was food (oh my god, the food), and playing the shows with your heroes is just so surreal. Mark [Hoppus] hit me in the face with a guitar pick one show. I will cherish that moment forever.  

AI: We all have good and bad days, but you guys always have so much energy while performing, and you’re fun to watch live! How do you get in that mindset everyday to put on such an energetic show? How do you stay positive in your day to day lives and while on the road?

SE: You know it’s tough sometimes, but no matter our attitude off-stage, say someone’s having a bad day, it all changes once we get on stage. Problems melt away, and we just go for it each time. For instance, Sam unfortunately spent five days in hospital on the last tour. We still had to play shows, and even though he was quietly suffering, he would still give it his all. That’s the attitude we try to have each and every night. Our day-to-day can be stressful while touring for sure. We had so many moments last tour, but you just have to roll with the punches, have a laugh about it, and keep moving.

AI: Your debut album, The Good Life, is full of tracks that we can all relate to. In particular, there are a couple tracks about being in a bad relationship – situations that a lot of us have experienced. From craziness to cheating to people holding you back, what advice would you give fans who want to remove these toxic people from their lives? And how would you cope with that?

SE: In all honestly, if some of these things do relate to anyone, my best advice is to really step back, assess the situation and ask themselves “are these people making me happy?” or “do I truly see them benefiting my future?” If “no”? They have to go. We’ve all been through it, and in hindsight I wish I asked myself these things in the past. It’s okay to be selfish when your happiness and livelihood are on the line. No one deserves to be treated or used in such ways. Cut ‘em off! Be the best version of yourself.

AI: These days, kids are growing up faster than ever and time is going by just as quickly. MAKEOUT seems like a band that’s not afraid to blur the lines of being a kid and adult at the same time. What’s your secret to staying young at heart?

SE: Oh wow I don’t even know. I think we’re all trying to live out a dream we’ve wanted since we were kids, so it’s keeping us locked into a bit of that mindset. There’s times to be serious and times to be that younger version of yourself. I don’t think I’ll ever truly grow up. We’re like the Lost Boys.

AI: You’ve grown tremendously in the past year and already accomplished so much. What are some goals that you hope to reach in 2018? 2019?

SE: We just want to tour. After Warped, we’d love to get back over to the UK and Europe. We’ll start writing again and aim for some bigger and better things. I also really want the boys to get a tour in Australia. I’m dying to bring our show down here.

AI: Will you be writing new music while you’re on the road this summer?

SE: We’ve already started in a way. I mean Sam is always working. But having two months together will really be beneficial to that collaboration process that we strive on. So definitely we will!

AI: What do you hope new/old fans gain after watching your set at Warped this year?

SE: Just a sense of positivity. There’s so much going on, in and out of the music scene, we just want to be something good for everyone. Everyone will take away something different – like a new fan might see us and relive their high school days or take their mind off something troubling. Anything and everything.

AI: How did you feel when you found out you were playing the entirety of the final Warped Tour?

SE: Much like the feeling when we found out about the Blink 182 tour. We couldn’t believe it, and were so so excited. We’ve seen so many amazing acts come up through Warped, so to get that opportunity, we’re so thankful honestly. Thank you, Kevin!

AI: Any final thoughts you’d like to share with our readers?

SE: If you’re hitting Warped, please come see what we’re about! Thank you to each and every fan out there, we see you. Much love, MAKEOUT xoxo.

MAKEOUT is on the entirety of Vans Warped Tour 2018. Check out the details here.

—

Interview and photos by sonder contributor Amanda Iglesias. Like this? Sonder is an independent music, travel and photography publication at sonderlife.com. Give us a follow here or at our Twitter, Instagram or Facebook if you like this!

Also check out:

Photos from Lights’ We Were Here tour

INTERVIEW: Mannequin Pussy on tour with Turnover

Our photo gallery of We Came As Romans

Coast Modern brings surf, psychedelic vibes on the Haunted House Party tour

[purplesurveys]

199

Have you ever read the Hunger Games series? No I never got into both the book and film series. I wish I did read the books though...oh well, it’s never too late to start on them. When was the last time you ran into something? There’s so many things I could run into though haha. I guess the frog that I met while I was taking some trash out a couple of days ago? Do you enjoy dressing up? Sure. I love parties. Do you live in the city or a rural area? In the middle. I literally live right before the city and right before the more province-y part of town. Would you say you have a sense of style? Yeah, my friends have pointed it out occasionally. It’s never intentional and I never wanted to project a certain image, but whatever.

What's your biggest fear? These surveys have made me realize that aside from cockroaches, I am also very terrified of fire. :-( Have you ever been bitten by a wild animal? Not bitten, although I got pecked by this huge bird in a mini-safari because it caught me taking a picture of it when I was 12. Are you close to any of your cousins? I’m close with one. We’re quite older, and everyone else is much younger so I can’t really build the close and personal relationship that I would want to have with them. Have you ever been lost in the woods? Nope I wouldn’t want to do anything that will put me in that situation. Where did you last travel? I was in Vigan last September. Do you enjoy driving? I love the independence aspect of it–my mom can’t ever say no to my plans now because I’ll always have the capability to drive anyway. But that’s the only advantage, really. Driving is exciting for the first few months but then you realize Manila traffic takes out at least four hours of your day everyday just weaving in and out of traffic. It’s ultimately tiring. What song did you last listen to? Tell Me How by Paramore. If you have a job, how often do you work? No job. What time do you normally go to sleep at night? I can’t give you an exact time but it’s usually between 9 PM and 1 AM. Do you watch a lot of movies? I used to but I’ve temporarily lost my muse for it. Hopefully the upcoming awards season will rouse my interest again. Do you like Tom Petty? Never listened to his music. Would you rather have snow or rain? I mean just because I’ve never seen it, snow. Do you own a lot of sweaters? Nope. I only have one and it isn’t even mine, technically. It’s too hot to wear sweaters any time of the year, so why spend several hundred bucks on something I doubt I’ll be able to wear more than twice a year? Have you ever tried rock-climbing? Oh man I always wanted to but was always lazy when there’s an opportunity hahaha. Ever ridden in a police car? No. Favorite decade of music? I don’t have one. I have favorite genres and they encompass various decades instead. Have any of your best friends been your best friend longer than a year? Yes. For longer than a decade, really. The only best friend I had who wasn’t able to hang on was Sofie, but even that had been longer than a year. Ever witnessed a murder? No. I’ve seen my loved ones getting murdered in my dreams, but never one in real life. Do you care what people think of you? My friends, yes. Anyone else, I don’t see why it should concern me. Does your room have a ceiling fan? No, I find it too old-fashioned for my room. Would you consider yourself poised? I have my moods, and that’s all thanks to my Classic Hollywood phase hahaha. I learned all of my etiquette from Audrey Hepburn. Have you ever tried blogging? Yes. I made a bajillion Blogger accounts but only made one entry with each of them. I had a lot because I would forget my username and password as soon as I made my first post and proceeded to abandon them. Favorite television channel? I don’t watch TV. Have you ever lied under oath? No. I’ve never even been under oath. What are your religious views? I don’t have any other than I never agreed with anything that’s ever come out of Catholicism, and that’s coming from 17 years of experience. Are you a romantic person? I’m super sweet in private. Otherwise, in a public setting, I’m hesitant to be showy. Just because I know it would annoy me if I saw a couple who’s a little into their PDA. Would you consider yourself a flirt? No. I never had the opportunity to find out for myself. At what age do you plan to be married? 27-29 should be fine. Do you eat a lot of junk food? Hah.  When did you last go on vacation? September. Are you resilient? I can be. It will ultimately depend on the situation at hand. Have you ever failed a subject before? No. I’ve failed tests, but never a class. If so, what was the class? Do you wear more bright or dull colors? Dull. Wearing bright colors would be very out of character for me. Do you know anyone who has attempted suicide? Yes. What's your favorite quote? I give different answers to this question all the time. Right now it’s, “Next time you point a finger, I might have to bend it back or break it off / Next time you point a finger, I’ll point you to the mirror.” from Paramore’s Playing God. Would you consider yourself mature? Yeah, at least more mature than the wild party animals that are the business students in my school. How many clocks are in your house? Several. I can’t be bothered to visualize and start counting right now. Do you play any sports? Yes. I play table tennis. What is your biggest life regret? This isn’t my doing and it’s not really a regret, but I’ve always wanted to see the person I would have turned out to be if I wasn’t raised in the detrimental environment I was raised in. Like, who would I be if my mom didn’t put me down mentally and emotionally every single day? What kind of outlook would I have if I had parents who had jobs that allowed them to be constantly at home and thus would be able to actually build a connection with us? How happier would I have been if I didn’t have to spend every time wondering if my relatives would nearly attack each other to death, intoxicated? It’s really saddening and I apologize to myself every day for not being given something better, even though I don’t even know who to blame it on. Have you ever been injured in a car accident? No, I’ve been in veeeery minor ones. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be? I’d love to be in a museum right at this moment. Have you ever had highlights in your hair? Never did like highlights. Favorite fast food restaurant? Jollibee. In what country were you born? Born and raised in the Philippines. Are your eyes more than one color? Nope. Have you ever caught something on fire? NOOOOPE. I’m scared of fire so when I do have to deal with it, I’m careful as all hell. What would you consider your biggest flaw? I’m way too sensitive. If someone takes even the slightest, most innocent dig at me, rest assured that it will stay with me and could change the way I look at myself. What do you think your best quality is? I’m fiercely protective of and loyal to my loved ones. I’d put them first before me any day. Some have noticed that I kind of sacrifice too much in order to benefit the other, but I’ve never seen that as a bad thing. My specialty, really, has always been being there for people. Do you enjoy listening to others' problems? I don’t enjoy the fact that they have a problem. I do enjoy that they trust me enough to tell me all about what they are going through and went to me for either support or advice. Do you keep any plants in your house? Yup, we have several in the living room. What is your mother's occupation? I have no clue. Last time I bothered to ask, she was some kind of secretary in one of the departments of the hotel she works in. Do any of your friends like your musical style? I don’t have a distinct musical style, that belongs to my other friends who give more attention to the aesthetic they put out haha. But none of them enjoy my punk rock taste, definitely.  What are you most looking forward to? Our field trip for our art studies class next Saturday. What was your favorite television show as a child? My first-ever favorite was The Wild Thornberries and Hi-5 with the original cast. Then I moved on to Spongebob, Fairly OddParents, Drake and Josh, and The Suite Life as I got older. Are you afraid of insects? Completely. Are you cold-natured? I’m not sure what this wants to refer to. How old were you when you got your first pet? I may have been 5 when I got my first goldfish. Did you/do you enjoy high school? For the most part, yes. I went through a lot, but the reward from it is that I learned so much about myself in return. I gained a lot of friends, finally knew which types of people I want to build connections with, and I also grew a lot closer with my batch that I will never stop referring to as my sisters. I never viewed my academics as very important since I figured early on that it isn’t going to matter in the real world and in the long run, so I didn’t stress myself out on them as much as everyone else did. My only enemy was the Catholic vision of the school. What would you say was your favorite age? 16 was my happiest age. What annoys you most about social networking? I hate that homophobic, transphobic, and racist people are allowed to have accounts. Are you the center of attention most of the time? Definitely not. What are you currently reading? I’m not reading anything but after this I hope to start on my readings for history class that I’ve been putting off for ages hahaha. When did you last go to the library? I have no clue. April? Are you ill at the moment? Far from it. Do people tease you about anything? Nope. How late did you stay up last night and why? Around 10 PM. No reason. I wanted to sleep earlier but couldn’t, so I watched videos and read articles to make myself feel sleepy. Have you ever written poetry? Only when I had to for English.  Curtains or shades? I have shades, but prefer curtains. How many people have you spoken to in the last hour? Two. Do you tend to text a lot? Yes, but the only person I text is Gab hahaha since everyone else is reachable on Messenger. Still, I text a lot. Ever lost a great best friend? Yes. Losing Sofie was kind of sad, but I got over it quickly. I also lost Gabie for a while. What is your favorite kind of flower? Answered this before. I love all flowers except anthuriums. I’m not sure about other countries, but in the Philippines that’s the go-to flowers for cemeteries and I’ve since grown to hate how it looks. How tall are you? 5′1″ or 5′2″. Haven’t checked in a while so it could be either one. Do you own any guns? No. I don’t have a reason to own one. What would you say is your favorite book of all-time? I’m afraid a book hasn’t had that much of an impact on me yet. Do you think you're living a good life? No. What's your least favorite part of the day? The afternoon when the weather is at its most humid :( Plus everyone just seems to be a little more dead at that time of the day. Are you an over-achiever? Hahahaha, no. No matter how well I perform there’s always someone else that makes me achievements almost laughable in comparison. Have you ever won an award for a speech? No. I’ve gained recognition, but not an actual award. Do you tend to curse a lot? Yes. Have you ever played on the Ouija board? No. Always been fascinated with it. Do you sleepwalk? I don’t. Have you ever slept on the floor before? Yes, I’ve had to several times. Are you a fan of public displays of affection? Fan is a creepy way to put it. I don’t mind PDA, people are allowed to hold hands and hold each other by the waist and such. It becomes meh when it goes too far like excessive cuddling, but thankfully I rarely witness that. I do remember one couple openly making out in Universal Studios in Singapore though. In a line for a ride. Filled with families. I wanted to make gagging noises so bad ugh. When did you last attend a yard sale? Years ago. Do you wish your life were simpler or more interesting? More interesting, of course. What goals do you wish to accomplish tomorrow? I want to get started on a homework for my major, and get more readings done. When is your birthday? April 21st. Which is worse: going blind or deaf? Bad question. What was the best part of today? Eh, it’s been pretty slow today. Nothing so far, really. Do you attempt to stay away from drama? Ugh for fucking sure, yes. I know some people who are still obsessed with high school level drama. It’s fun to watch it from afar.

What liquid did you last drink? Water. Do you ever prefer to be alone? Majority of the time. Have you ever had a deadly animal as a pet? No. My mom wouldn’t let that pass. Favorite Disney movie? Toy Story or Tangled. Have you ever been to the beach? Many times. If you have, how many times have you been? ^ What was your dream occupation at age ten? I wanted to be an author at the time, so not really far off from my present aspirations to work in mass communication. Are you terrified at the idea of weight-gain? No. I actually want to gain a little so that I can fit (nicely) into clothes that I do want to wear. I’m naturally thin and something that people tend to skim over about being skinny is that very few articles of clothing can complement your figure. Do you drink a lot of water? Yes. Love water. I’m responsible for finishing up the pitchers in the fridge all the time. Does your room have carpet or hard-wood floors? Hardwood. Do you take naps daily? Most of the time I can’t, since I spend the whole day in school. Who were you named after? I was told that I was named after the Swedish singer also named Robyn, but my parents’ versions change EVERY TIME I bring the question up. I have no idea why they can’t give me a straight answer. Do you plan on traveling this spring or summer? Yes if my dad happens to be home at that time of the year. Do you know anyone who is colorblind? I don’t think so. Have you ever been a teacher's pet? Ugh no. I stay away from that particular spotlight. What is your absolute favorite hobby? Exploring museums and other cultural sites :) I also love watching movies. How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once. Twice at most. Ever been to a tanning bed before? No. I have no use for one and I don’t even know how to operate them, and I’ve seen the tanning bed part from Final Destination 3 enough times to know not to mess with them haha. Are you satisfied with your financial stability? I’m alright with my parents’ financial stability. Who is your favorite actor/actress? Kristen Stewart. I also like Kate Winslet but she’s in my shit list for now because she defended Woody Allen.

Are your nails painted? They aren’t. What's the meanest thing you've ever said to someone? When I was a kid, around 9, I used to tell my siblings all the time that I wish they were never born and that I were an only child instead, since I was always fighting with them for attention. I wasn’t raised a brat and I hate that I ever said that, and it’s really because of the environment I was raised in. I heard those words from my relatives and other people, and I just mimicked it because I thought it was an alright thing to say. Do you ever accidentally talk to inanimate objects? Yeah I say sorry ALL THE TIME to inanimate objects I bump into. What's your favorite flavor of ice cream? Cookies and cream and any flavor with an unusual concept. I tried spicy chocolate ice cream before, best thing ever. Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender? I would prefer to kiss somone of the same gender. Do you receive any hate mail? No. I got hate stuff on my Ask.fm once and since I don’t tolerate negativity on any of my social media, I went ahead and deleted my profile altogether. Have you ever sent a letter in the mail? Nope. If you could, would you have a pen pal? That seems sweet, but no. What color are the pants you're wearing? My shorts are blue. Have you ever had a stalker? I haven’t. What is your life philosophy? People don’t have to be blood to be family. Who last sent you a goodnight text message? My girlfriend. Do you own any clothes that are your favorite color? I have lots of black clothes; but as much as I love pastel pink, I have nothing of that color. Have you ever been in a hot tub before? Of course. What's your favorite comedy movie? White Chicks hahahahahahah.

[the-silverforked-sky]

Sometimes We Both Lose Our Minds (to find the better road)- Olicity Fic

Pairing: Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak

Rating: T Words: 3400 Summary: Returning back to his old life in Starling City, Oliver had anticipated and planned for many things. Carrying out the mission his father had bestowed on him, falling back into his old irresponsible persona, hiding his true self from his family and friends, and protecting them at all costs. The one thing he hadn’t planned on was gaining 2 new family members, his stepfather Walter Steele and Felicity Smoak, his childhood friend, now also his stepsister. Regardless of the changes and surprises, he knows he has to become someone… something else to make those on his father’s List pay for their crimes.

Chapter Summary: Felicity attends Oliver’s Welcome Home party and the two finally have a chance to catch up. A/N: Hiii... So it’s been super long since I posted the first chapter and then left you all hanging. I feel so terrible about it, but the past 2 semesters have been crazy hectic. But hopefully this chapter partially makes up for it. Now that I’m off, I hope to have a more consistent update schedule. I’m so excited about this verse and have so many ideas I want to share, so I hope you’ll stick around.

Thanks a lot to @nvwhovian who's been fielding all my crazy and paranoia as I worked up to posting this chapter. And to her and @beinmyheart for editing this chapter!! As mentioned in the summary, Oliver and Felicity are kinda step-siblings, if that is a thing that you’re not comfortable with, you should back out now. If you’re staying and giving it a try anyway, thank you so much and I hope you enjoy this verse and journey. If anyone would be interested in sending prompts for this verse or being tagged in updates, please drop me a line. 

Title is from The Poison by The All-American Rejects and the chapter title is from Never Let Me Go by Florence & the machine

You can also read the chapter on AO3 or other installments

Reflections still look the same to me (as before I went under)

She’s standing at the bar at Oliver’s Welcome Home Bash waiting for the barkeep to notice and maybe serve her. Tommy needs to hire better bartenders for his parties, what is the point of free-flowing alcohol if you’re not even served? That makes her sound like she’s an alcoholic or something, she’s not for the record. It’s just that being sober around so many drunk people is giving her a headache, and maybe she just needs a drink to take the edge off.

There’s been way too many changes and surprises over the last few days. Not that they’ve been bad ones per se, they’re actually good. Happy even. Oliver is alive. That is amazing, and it makes so many people she cares about incredibly happy, including her. But changes need adjustments and that is pretty stressful. She’s just glad she isn’t living in the Queen Mansion. In the past few years she’s started to feel weird and out of place there, being in that house makes her jittery. With Oliver suddenly back, there’s a tension that hangs over the entire household that she would rather avoid. And with her propensity to babble about inappropriate things, she would probably just end up making things even more awkward.

Then there’s also the fact that she and Oliver are now bound by family… or something. For all intents and purposes, Oliver is her step-brother now. Which is incomprehensible to her. She knew this would be the case since her dad married Moira, she’d even readily accepted Thea as her new step-sister. But it was different when thinking about Oliver. All these years, it had been a vague idea, a ‘what if’ hinging on Oliver being alive. But now he is alive and this new relation between them is making things all messy in her head. Since she had met him, he’d always been her friend; she’d never really thought of him as a brotherly figure. For a brief period of time, she’d even had a tiny crush on him- having the attention of two of the most notorious heartbreakers in Starling City will do that to a girl. She’d grown out of it, obviously, but that doesn’t mean it lessens the complication in any way.

A sudden din falls over the crowd and she looks up to see that Oliver’s entrance has commanded their attention. She observes him as Tommy introduces him and he raises a ridiculous toast to tequila (of all things). She watches as he feeds the public what they want, having them eating out of his palm, perfectly playing up the devil-may-care attitude Ollie Queen was known for. She wonders if he’s putting up a front, playing up what he thinks people want to see, even after he’s spent five years isolated. Or if he’s actually not changed a bit. If it’s the former, he’s still not able to completely hide the things he doesn’t want others to see. It’s given away more by what’s missing than what is there. Those expressive blue eyes, that could make anyone he paid attention to feel like the centre of the universe, are vacant now- as though they’ve been purposely kept so. She’s sure the others have noticed too, but they’re so distracted by acting as if no time has passed at all, that they just accept his unbothered act and overall okay-ness. It’s not that she wants him to be damaged or have difficulty coping but it just seems off to her. You don’t spend five years isolated from civilization, without it leaving some mark or changing you in some way. She feels they need to be prepared for it, prepared to help Oliver in whatever way they can, instead of just ignoring it till it goes away. But then again, she’s never quite settled into the elite’s mentality of brushing things under the carpet, she’s not made for hiding from the truth.

That’s not the only thing she has noticed either. Because she’s definitely not missed that delicious looking scruff or the shorter hair which looks so much better than the weird serial killer hair he had before. And don’t even get her started on the way his suit highlights his very wide and muscular shoulders and biceps. He was cute before but now he’s devastatingly handsome and this is why she’s keeping her distance. She’s already practically drooling over him, how is she supposed to conduct a conversation with him where they address their new status as family.

She watches as his eyes scan through the room and the crowd, catching on hers with some surprise. She wonders why. Sure she doesn’t really fit in with this crowd consisting of mainly fangirls, but she’s here to support her close friends. She doesn’t doubt her connection with Tommy, they’ve become closer and built that friendship back up since she returned home. Where Oliver is concerned though, she’s unsure about what kind of reception she would get. They’d definitely drifted apart a bit, for a couple of years before he left on that fateful trip, but it seemed natural given that the boys were venturing out to various colleges while she’d been focused on graduating early from high school and getting into MIT. But they’d kept in touch regularly enough that she hadn’t ever thought it would affect their long-term friendship. Five years, on the other hand, was a whole different can of worms. Especially given that Oliver didn’t seem all too thrilled with welcoming her dad, and probably by extension her, into the family. She breaks their eye contact then, the thought that Oliver may refuse their friendship is painful and she isn’t ready to expose that that vulnerability to anyone.

As she cranes her head looking for someone who can fix her a drink, she hears a voice close to her ear, “Hi Felicity, need me to buy you a drink?” She startles, turning around to come eye to chest level with Oliver himself.

“Oliver,” and her voice comes out sounding breathy, she needs to make it stop sounding like that. It’s just Oliver, and he’s teasing her just like he would years ago when they would talk and banter and be uncomplicated friends. No big deal. She looks up to meet his eyes, seeing a hint of amusement and fondness that gets past the shadows in them. “Haha, I can buy myself a drink now, with my real ID too. Also it’s an open bar.”

His lips lift into a small smile, minuscule really in comparison to the toothy dimpled smiles and laughter she’s seen on him, but there all the same. More than that though, it lightens his eyes and manages to put some of her uncertainties to rest, which makes it all the better. “Guess you don’t need me and Tommy to supply you with fake IDs anymore. Shame, I’d got a new set I was gonna gift you for getting through finals. Really creative names too.” She narrows her eyes at him and he chuckles, his eyes and voice softening even more, “it’s good to see you again Felicity.” He extends his arms a little, it’s such an awkward gesture but very clear in its intention. So she pushes herself into him without hesitation, wrapping her arms around his neck. His arms tighten around her back and she melts into him, nostalgia and an incredible amount of joy rushing into her as she revels in the feeling of him being alive and home.

“It’s so good to have you back Oliver. I’ve missed you a lot,” she mumbles into his neck.

She’s not even sure if he heard her but then he murmurs back, “me too.”

She separates from him then, looking anywhere but at him. She feels self-conscious like they’ve already lingered a little too long for a hug between friends, even long lost ones. His heavy gaze doesn’t help all that much either. Then she remembers the events of this morning and her concern can’t be contained. “Are you okay? My dad told me about the kidnapping.”

“I’m alright, really. Not even a scratch, we were found in time, I guess,” his response sounds so practiced, it immediately draws her curiosity but before she can say or ask anything about it, he continues, “so I guess a ‘welcome to the family’ is in order?” And really? That’s what he wants to break the tension with?

His tone sets her on edge too, it sounds pleasant enough and he’s delivering it with a perfectly charming smile, but there’s something cutting about it. She looks at him sharply, the indignation from last night, at his rude remark to her dad during the family dinner, returning. Realizing his mother was remarried was probably a shock, no one would really want to think about how their family may have moved on in their absence. And obviously Moira’s misguided attempt to ease Oliver into the situation by hiding the truth about her new marriage didn’t help much either. But he was downright rude to her father and she won’t stand for that.

“It would seem so. Though my dad is really the one it should be directed to. And try being a little more genuine that time?”

As soon as she says it she knows she hit the mark but not in a good way, he looks stung by her snarkiness. And really she didn’t mean to be sassy or nasty about it but she’s also not interested in pulling punches on the matter. Her father means the world to her and Oliver can be shocked at the news, find it difficult to digest and adjust but he cannot disrespect her dad. Nonetheless she softens her tone as she says, “You're not being very fair to him.”

“Felicity,” he begins, “it’s my mom and also Thea… they’re too important and I wasn’t prepared. I’m still not. I didn’t expect…” he trails off seeming to not know how to continue.

“Didn’t expect is probably an understatement,” she scoffs, trying to lighten the moment. She gets where he's coming from, they’re both just trying to protect their respective parents.

“Oliver, I understand,” she continues and then modifies, “kind of, some of it, because your experience has been very different and I can’t know everything you’ve been through. But I do understand a certain aspect of it. Seeing your mom with someone new, seeing her move on, that was probably not the easiest pill to swallow. I felt that too,” She tries to hide how she still gets a little choked up thinking about her adoptive mother, “even though it’s been years since Alicia passed away.”

She meets his sharp gaze again to make sure that she’s not completely messing all of this up. He looks a bit more receptive to what she’s saying, so she takes it as a win and continues with as much earnestness as she can, “But something between my dad and Moira just clicked. They helped each other through their pain and they love each other so much. He’s good to her Oliver, to both her and Thea. He loves them so much. And Moira, she makes him happy, happy in a way that I didn’t think I’d see him again. You just need to give him a chance.”

All of it seems to hit him hard, but he doesn’t look away from her. He nods his head with a “I’ll try.” Not exactly what she was hoping for but an immediate resolution does seem unrealistic. She’s made her point though and he heard her out. That’s the best she can do right now. He seems to be studying her as intently as she is studying him, some of it feels awfully calculating even though he’s trying to hide it behind nonchalance.

Suddenly she feels a body bumping into her, causing her to lose her balance and stumble right into Oliver. And woah, she completely forgot where they were. This was so not an appropriate place to have such a serious and private conversation. Oliver is holding onto her elbows and her hands are pressed onto his chest from where she tried to catch herself. A very firm chest that feels ridiculously good under her hands and boy does she need to back out of his personal space. Were they really standing that close throughout their conversation?

She's just starting to back away when Tommy makes his appearance. From the look on his face, he’s apparently got some interesting ideas to get himself and Oliver in trouble running through his mind, and thankfully doesn’t notice the odd tension hanging over her and Oliver. His first sentence just proves that, “There you are! Now by my rough estimate you have not had sex in 1,839 days”

She wrinkles her nose as she looks from Tommy to Oliver and back to Tommy, “I don’t think I needed that information. And did you actually calculate that?”

“Felicity!!” He exclaims, pulling her into a tight hug as if he hadn’t just seen her last night. “Well, no wonder you ran off, I would prefer her company over mine too,” he directs to Oliver as he winks at her. “Of course I calculated it. And I needed to get that number out before I forgot because that is a loooong time. This poor guy had a dry spell of a lifetime, haven’t you buddy? But we’re going to remedy that and as your wingman, I highly recommend Carmen Golden,” with that he turns Oliver by the shoulders to face another large crowd of women.

Oliver looks understandably confused as he asks, “Which one is she?” with a tinge of amusement in his voice like he’s just humoring Tommy.

“The one who looks like the chick from Twilight,” Tommy replies very promptly.

“What's Twilight?”

“You're so better off not knowing.” The grimace on Tommy’s face and the way he winces, immediately makes her laugh. He really would know, considering he’d been forced to watch all four parts multiple times, including braving premieres, long lines and high-pitched tweens. She’d like to say she doesn’t fold as easily as Tommy does when it comes to Thea, but really that would be such a lie.

Speaking of whom, she spots Thea and a couple of her “friends”, her good mood vanishing almost instantly. The guy Thea is speaking to may be a new one, but it doesn’t mean that Felicity isn’t aware exactly who he is, or rather what he’s able to supply. She must’ve shown some kind of reaction because she feels both Oliver and Tommy glance at her and then follow her gaze right to Thea. Where she is now exchanging her money for drugs, in what she seriously hopes Thea doesn’t consider an inconspicuous manner. Because she’s being quite obvious. Oliver’s focus just seems to narrow down onto Thea and he barely excuses himself before he’s off. Felicity meets Tommy’s eyes, and he seems to share her thoughts that this situation is not going to go down well at all. Beneath it though, lurks a deep regret and guilt that mirrors hers. The sense of failure that they couldn’t prevent or pull Thea back from this path. That at all of fifteen she’d felt so alone in the world that she’d gotten hooked onto drugs and partying as an escape. She also sees the question in his eyes, if they should interrupt and try to diffuse the situation before it gets bad. She knows though that if anyone has to insert themselves between the siblings, it’s got to be her. Whatever trapped feeling Thea is experiencing will only get worse if she’s confronted by both Oliver and Tommy. She puts a hand on Tommy’s arm to reassure him, before she makes a beeline towards Oliver and Thea.

She quickens her footsteps as she sees Thea breaking out the attitude, when Thea gets into this kind of mood, she’s usually only one wrong word away from tipping over the edge. As she gets closer, she realizes that Oliver has managed to find that tripwire. The pain in Thea’s voice as she tells Oliver that she spent five years thinking he was dead, that the last five years are permanently within her, strike her so hard. It makes her throat tighten and stomach twist up. And she can tell from the way Oliver looks away, that it hits him much harder. Felicity curses herself for not anticipating and misjudging how Oliver’s return is going to affect Thea, for not seeing that Thea too won’t be able to just brush the last five years away like they didn’t happen.

“I’m sorry if I turned out to be some major disappointment,” she keeps going.

But no, she’s not. And those words slip out of Felicity’s mouth, “Thea, no,” before she even realizes. It draws both the siblings’ attention to her, and to the fact that she obviously overheard most of the conversation. But her focus is on Thea, who looks like she wants to be anywhere but here. The way her mouth curls up, slightly cruelly and looking so out of place on her face, Felicity knows that she’s found her parting escape line and that it’s going to hurt. She’s not sure if it’s going to be aimed at Oliver or her, or both of them, but she braces herself for it anyway.

“Ollie, you can’t come back here and judge me, especially for being just like you. And now that we have the perfect sibling,” she gestures towards Felicity, “there’s no pressure on either of us. We’re free to screw up however we like.”

And wow, yeah that stings. She knows that her dad and Moira were pleased with her interest in the company, and that they’d pinned their hopes on her leading QC once they’d be ready to retire. Though she felt the weight of those expectations, she’s tried her best to thrive under the pressure and make them proud. She can barely admit it to herself, but part of it has been the need for validation and attention from her father, while he’d been busy with his new wife and new job, as a reminder that she won’t be forgotten. If she makes them see her, and realize her value, then maybe she won’t be left behind. She never realized that someone else could’ve picked up on it, or that it would be so effective when used against her. Thea directing her friends to “Let’s bounce,” pulls her out of her thoughts. Looking up, she notes that Thea won’t even look at her or Oliver. That more than anything, sets her in motion. If she doesn’t do something to fix this now, forgive Thea for lashing out, then it’s going to turn into a spiral of guilt and avoidance that’s going to turn into more emotional suppression and anger later. And if she can get to Thea and pull her away before she gets high, then Felicity is going to consider it a win for the night.

Oliver’s soft call of her name, makes her pause. She turns to him, his face is shuttering off but she still catches a glimpse of sorrow and an apology. “I’m going to go talk to her,” she says as she points in the vague direction Thea headed in.

She takes in a breath then, “I know you have questions and things to say, and a lot of those answers you’re going to hate. I’d say give her time, but I don’t even know if that will work to be honest.”

She rises up on her toes, holding onto Oliver’s elbow, as she places a light kiss on his cheek. He stiffens a little, obviously not expecting the contact or closeness. She doesn’t even know why she did it. She’d missed him a lot, it feels like nothing short of a miracle to get one of her closest friends back, and she needs to convey her affection and happiness to him. And really, a little cheek kiss is not so different from their previous hug, it’s what friends or step-siblings do. It just shows that they’re comfortable with each other, and that their relationship is so very platonic. And in line with those thoughts, she completely refuses to acknowledge how her lips still tingle or how her heart skipped a beat for some reason.

Tagging: @nvwhovian @beinmyheart @felicityschattycathy @callistawolf @coal000 @myhauntedblacksoul @tdgal1 @cessink @nina2406

[ts-nightingaleislands]

Episode #13- FINALE

I gotta say Im SUPERRR upset with myself right now. To be completely honest I feel like I could have won had my laptop not frozen which would have been really nice to have. What is making this worse is knowing I lost because my computer decided to freeze for 1st time ever! 

This is okies though. Once I get to the end I'll just be able to stick to the narrative of things never going my way but I still persevered! 

The silver lining to losing and Cheatham winning is knowing this means Sara goes. I was a little worried that if Cheatham left it keeps AMs options open. Now if he wins its gonna force her hand. I just have to promise her F2 even more and pray it convinces her NOT to do anything crazy

(LATER)

I've done some rethinking- if AnnMarie is in f4 with Sara and Austin I'd like to think it means she is not gonna try and target anyone but them. I should be safe...but I am also interested in seeing if Cheatham legit votes for Austin or not

Yeah so um...Apparently Austin leaked everything that Cheatham told him to AM and Chris yesterday so they added him to an alliance chat. But pretty sure they're also playing semi emotionally rn and not thinking straight. If AM was actually going to potentially idol Austin out before..she knows he's a clear threat. All it takes is Chris/am/cheatham to get together and hash this all out and turn on Austin. Though idk how likely it is Cheatham would do that. He's flat out told me that he knows Austin is the biggest threat yet he seems stuck like glue to him. I mean..so am I...but I don't really have a lot of other options...they all want me out...and there's no way to immunity streak. I really need Austin to stay because I truly believe he'll at least tie at f4 if we have to. Cheatham may not no matter how many times he's told that Am/Chris won't split. Or he'll vote me assuming he's winning final immunity.

I'm thinking about telling Cheatham straight up I am voting him. Its just weird because he seems to already know he is likely going so perhaps AnnMarie has already talked to him, not sure but I do feel bad even if he is voting me out

I feel like I am now sort of in a great spot because I am framing AnnMarie to be the one calling the shots but actually she is coming to me asking what to do O-O. So Operation: Wolfsheep(?) was a success! I told her to see how Sara feels about Austin/Chatham became we have to max our benefits!

(LATER)

Here we go again! Austin and AnnMarie on at the same time so lets get this party started

Hi Friends, its final five! And I wanted to quit the game again! By far the hardest immunity challenge that I've ever done and tbh it pissed me off. I lasted 3 hours and 14 minutes and for what? To fight for my life again bc I might get voted out? It pisses me off. My body is still completely sore. Anyways, My plan for this week is to convince Am to vote out either Chris or Austin, I don't care who, bc they will vote each other out if it means that they get to stay. I made a DAMN good plea to AM and it seems like it might have worked. BUT you never know. If this works out for me, Its just another thing on my resume :)

(LATER)

WELL CHANGE OF PLANS. REWIND. Austin literally just called me and told me how he got added to a F3 with AM and Chris.He told Sara about it so she wants me, him, and her to work together and get out CHRIS. AHHHH CRAZY RIGHT? Like I don't wanna work with them but it is the only thing that will get me through this week. Hopefully it works out. PEACE.

Ahhh! I feel like Dorothy in Oz right now! My yellow brick road is splitting and I don't know which path to followwwww!!! Technically AM could screw things with the idol (which she finally came clean about) but there's pros and cons to all vote options this round... Voting Cheatham this round would likely make it easier for me to win immunity. I also don't fully trust him. HOWEVER, that still leaves AM and Chris in the game together and I'm nearly certain they will vote together next round. Voting Cheatham would also keep a tad of trust with AM and hopefully she and Chris would fire Austin  instead of me. But Austin is also close with Chris. Taking this path would probably leave f3 wide open and if I did somehow end up f3 with Chris/AM, I HAVE to win immunity or I'm ducked. But if that f3 did happen and I won final immunity, I'd have a much easier win than with Austin...but do I even want it easy? That's boring. You can't be the best until you win against the best. And... Voting Chris would break him from AnnMarie and we wouldn't have to worry about them trying to make finals together. Plus, Cheatham would be there next round, so maybe I could get her to vote Cheatham out next round if he isn't immune. Then in a F3 situation, I THINK both Austin/AM would take me instead of each other. But it's also a risk because I'd be leaving AM out of this vote and she may not trust me. Or can #GirlPower prevail? Did any of this make sense? And all of this lit only works if Austin doesn't plan on turning against me. If he does ..then RIP my game all together.

omg i feel im def the one going home . all my flipping and leaking info has finally caught up to me and i cant blame ppl for finding out haha. we will see what happens. tumblr survivor gods please be with me!

3 votes Chris, 2 votes Austin.

WTF?!?! I cant believe I made it past that tribal.  Thank god for sara and cheatham having my back this vote. Idk what's gonna happen next but I gotta try not damn hardest on this immunity or it could be me going home next .

Idk what my end game plan is really.  Idc who I go to the end with I just wanna make it there.  So I gotta convince someone to vote with me so at least if anything it will be a tie and there is a chance for me . It's been a hard game but I have loved every second of it <3

Ughhhh...I know what needs to be done this round but it's soooo hard!! As annoyed as I am with the way Austin tried playing the game, making F2's with idek how many people, he's still like the nicest kid ever and I feel bad. Like bro, you had a good enough social game...you didn't NEED to do that. He literally probably would have gotten by with it too if it wasn't for him leaking AM's idol plans back to her (literally told him he's going to get himself in trouble) and also telling AM Cheatham/I were voting Chris so she should save him to take out Cheatham. Lit, he could have been honest with me and and just voted Cheatham and I wouldn't have cared. But trying to be so sneaky and then blatantly lying to me about it is something. And that is that on that. As far as this F3 goes...I'm nervous. I'd love to win final immunity to ensure a spot in finals but really it's a double edged sword. I won like 4 or 5 individual immunities in my last game and jury apparently dragged me saying that's the only reason I made finals. I knew that was not true and hosts did too, but perception is reality. Also, winning forces me to piss off either AM or Cheatham. I really do not need that. I low-key, strategically brought up a F2 to AM at the last vote just to see if she had one with Chris to decide what last rounds best vote was. If she had one with him, I figured she'd sorta brush off mine. If she didn't, I figured she'd be all for it. Well...she didn't tell me I'm her F2 until AFTER Chris was blindsided, so we know what that means. But now..she may have taken mine seriously and be saltier than the Atlantic if I gave her 3rd. What would ultimately be best is for one of the other 2 to win immunity and convince them to take me with. Unless they already have a f2 together, I think this would be easier with AM as I could use the 'Cheatham was the Thrush underdog' and '#GirlPower' on her. But...she's just not the greatest at comps so I feel that's not an option. Cheatham might be more difficult as I know fo sho he's thirsty for a W. He's literally tried taking me out for whatever reason several times. Why would he target me instead of AM if it wasn't for threat purposes? But if he did win, my argument is gonna be that she auto has Chris' vote and literally ZERO blood on her hands with the jury. What else can I use with him? Maybe peeps like Noah rigging immunity for me at merge so that I'd stay loyal and then backstabbing anyway. Salt. OR Liam asking for a F2 (even tho it was lit during Tribal and too late to save himself) and then voting him out. More salt. Honestly though, idk if anything I say would change his mind...so throwing the comp intentionally is risky...risky af...but it could also be the difference in winning/losing. How about that novel? x)

Hello friends. I've made it again. I was hoping that I could win immunity too but I couldn't. TBH, I don't THINK I'm going home this week. Though I very well could, I just don't see it. The way I'm playing this week is how to get a F3 that will take me to F2. My target this week is Austin. Sara told me a lot of shit about Austin so I think it is pretty obvious that she wants him out. Then there is AM who is very quiet but why would she not vote Austin. Hopefully Austin goes and then boom! I'm in F3 and HAVE to win that immunity.

(LATER)

OKAY this is my ENDGAME plans. Out of the four that are left. I'm hoping that I can take AM to F2. Tbh I feel I can defiantly beat Sara and AM. Sara I feel like just wouldn't take me to the end. Austin, though I feel I can beat, also played a really good game. I'm gonna plead my case to the jury like this. I was a target every single week for pre-merge. Every time, they wanted me out. I somehow managed to bounce back each time. I was unanimously Petrels target come swap/merge and I lasted through that. I gained a lot of peoples trust which was shown in the Captaincy immunity challenge. I was the vote that decided if Rizo was to go or not. And when it came time, I told him that. I tried my best to play an honest game. I was able to get the Idol and had it for 5 rounds without anyone voting it out of me. I was able to get everyone to take out Noah because I saw him as the biggest threat in the game. For Vincents week, I somehow convinced Sara and AM that the whole thing was Vincents idea and he made me believe that I needed to vote out Sara. EVEN AFTER I literally just used an idol to get Sara out. AND convinced Vincent to come BACK to me and vote Sara out .hats pretty badass. On Chris' week, once again I decided who goes home and I picked the right way if that means that I end up in F2. Every week, I had to FIGHT to be there. That is something that I don't think a lot of people had to do. I always came close to winning immunitys, if I didn't win. And proved that I'm not only a strong social player, but also a strong comp competitor.

IM HERE IM HERE IM HERE IM FINALLY HERE!!! FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I CANT BELIEVE IT I REALLY CANT BELIEVE IT OMG. THIS IS MAKING ME LOSE MY MIND IM SO HAPPY! I never thought I would make it this far into the game, and I'm so excited for the possibility of f3. People are telling me that they're voting Austin, but it's been awfully quiet. I'm scared that the silence is a sign, but I hope that I'm just being paranoid. I'm just happy to be here.

3 votes Austin, 1 vote AnnMarie.

well, here we are, final 3. I guess this is where my game ends. Sara just won immunity and after I plead my case and my feelings are basically crushed. She rubs a little salt in the wound by telling me a move that I messed up on. Vincent wasn't the one who told Sara and AM about the vote switch. It was Austin. It just really frustrating how this game played out. I worked my motherfucking ass off. It seems like I did it for nothing. This is my last org for hopefully a long while and I was hoping I'd get that edit of "Underdog Villain Wins the Season and Leaves the Hateful Community" and I didn't get that edit. I'm not gonna get that edit. I spent the entire first half of this game as the "Other vote" all people wanted to do was blindside me/ get me out. I had a breakdown early on in the game (def wasn't my last one) where I wanted to quit the game. The guy that I was falling in love with broke my heart, my job was chaotic, I was getting SHIT ON on discord, was doing endurance comp after endurance comp and there was no pay off, was failing my classes, was losing friendships, and all I wanted to do was quit. But I didn't and I kept going. I kept playing my ass off and it sucks to be out played. Im a sore. loser. TRUST ME I KNOW. But to come this far and still lose, it fucking sucks, Yes, this is just a game. I get it. Log off, quit, do whatever you need to do to not let it control your life. I can't DO THAT though. I love orgs! This is the kind of stuff that I always wanted to do! I have a lot of stuff to work on within myself. I know. But for right now, all I want to do is win. And I'm almost positive that its not gonna happen. I don't even think that Im gonna get POTS. Just sucks to put so much effort into something with zero pay off. Anyways. I guess I'll see y'all sometime. Much love.                                                                                             - The Villain

Did I just do THAT?!? Force myself to finals!? I know this sounds sappy and cheesy over an online game...but my entire life I've been really underestimated..for multiple reasons, so it feels great to be able to prove myself in any situation. No, I haven't won...but have at least dragged myself as far as you can go in this game. Now it's [semi] out of my hands. But now is the hard part... Who do I take with me!? I literally went to sleep last night wanting to take Cheatham. I woke up this morning wanting to slap myself in the face for thinking that. Now I want to take AM. The perk to taking AM is that I 100% feel that my game was superior. I also 'technically' asked her for a f2, though on my end it was more strategic as mentioned in an earlier confessional. However, I still do not like breaking F2s if avoidable. But she did also tell me she'd have taken Cheatham to finals over me so... And the perk to taking Cheatham is that I feel like he's more deserving of finals and winning (or losing) against him would feel much better than the other option. But is it worth breaking the f2, especially when AM was probably slightly more loyal to me? I know she said my name once too, but Cheatham said it multiple times AND tried to freaking idol me out! Even after all of that I was willing to work with him and saved him a couple rounds...but when is enough, enough??

Wow. I cannot believe I am finally here at the very end. This is so shocking to me. I have never gotten this far before in any game, so I am just so excited. I am so happy that Sara decided to take me with her to the end, but I know for a fact that I have a very small chance of winning this. I really need to get on track and figure out how to talk like a normal human being so I can win over the jury, any way I can. Making that video for right of passage was so pointless (although it was super fun to make). It was not what Sara and Cheatham had done. I really wish I would have done the doc to at least clarify what the hell I actually did in this game. In reality, I truly think I just played for a hell of a good time, and I had a hell of a good time, because it was a hell of a good time. You know what isn't a hell of a good time? Not being at the end with Cheatham. It would have been so fun, and I think it would be a little easier for me to talk. I think that speaking to the jury with Sara will get me a bit nervous. I am not the most articulate person, so going up against Sara concise speaking will ruin meeeee. But I will be extremely happy if Sara wins. She honestly deserves it.

Cheatham becomes the final member of the jury.

[trippsntreats-blog]

TNTs: Everything Travel- Toronto

Toronto is definitely on my list of nicest cities. We began our travel journey not expecting much to gain from the Toronto stop. We figured, "Hey, we're only there for a day..", even going further by considering not getting a place to crash. Thankfully we came to our senses, and it turned out to be one of the most memorable Tripps thus far. Toronto is a huge city with an friendly vibe. What helped me most when planning how to get a feel for the city in such short time started with YouTube. We tried to look up all the cool things to do there at night to maximize our fun. We love food, I mean who doesn't? But we also love to have fun and treat ourselves to a good time. YouTube gave us some great starter ideas but it left us bored and not knowing what to do for fun in Toronto or how to plan a Tripp. So we decided to share the fun that we discovered so you don't have to search through hours of boring videos or blogs that don't get to the point. (Skip to "Views from the 6" for Everything Toronto) You're welcome haha $Getting Your Tripp Started$ Passports: Get your passport if you don't already have one. 24 hour Passport and Visa will get them to you in two weeks or less. Research: Do research on the destination of choice. Check currency status in relation to yours and travel safety and news. Expensive destination or non expensive destination. This Treat will be yours to decide. Check the Flights: Buy your ticket first to give yourself that push to start planning for your Tripp. Decide to Treat yourself after working as hard as you do. Now this means you can choose a date well in the future, far enough in advance that you can notify your job,and save and pay all while planning. This also took a lot of stress and anxiety off my mind about going out of the country. Transportation: Figure out the best way to get around in your destination of choice. Factor this into the time in advance you'll need to budget and plan accordingly. For example, Toronto has a great public transportation system, 11$ Canadian for a whole day pass with unlimited rides. So there are many budget friendly options to help make this experience amazing and affordable, who knew? Places to stay: If you're looking for budget friendly look no further! Airbnb has changed the travel game- one night could be anywhere between 40-60+ U.S dollars per night and you even have the option of renting the whole place! Which is what we did the most. We found this to be the cheapest option with luxury style. Budget and Save: Say you've planned for your Tripp to be 6months from the day you've booked and paid for your flight. This does not mean you have to book your place right away. Start saving. If you can put aside 100$ a week for 13 weeks you will have $1300 by your 3 month mark. Here is when you can take from that money ,which is well over what an Airbnb should cost for your stay ( budget friendly speaking), and lock in your place. This takes discipline. Say 100$ was too steep, we'll cut that in half to 50$ a week ,which most of us spend on a nice meal or a movie date nowadays. You have 650$ which is still half over what we've paid for 4,5, and 6 night stays on our Tripps. This is just an example of how easy it can be to budget and save if you really are striving to travel more. It also helps going with more people as costs go down significantly. The destination and length of time will ultimately determine how far in advance you should start your planning. Packing: Pack lightly because carry-on luggage is recommended. Everywhere we've flown has allowed us 1 free carry on and 1 personal item. This has saved us hundreds of dollars and ensured our bags didn't get lost. Money Saved: Now the rest of the money saved is spending money! If you can double up the money you put away every other week or add an extra 10-20$ a week you could do and see so many different cultures and languages, it's honestly a life changing experience. Side note: This again takes a lot of discipline, meaning cutting out spending money out and sometimes working longer hours. Plan for Netflix and Chill nights more than usual but spice it up and make it fun. Your adventure to a new destination will be so worth it! Peep the Languages: Check out what the first language is of your destination. Learn how to say simple things like "Hi, how are you? How much? Where is the bathroom? Left or Right? Thank you" This seems to go a very long way in all places. Views from the 6: From the airport we rode the UP Express (train) to Union Station (Subway station) and exited on Dundas. Our Airbnb was about a 10 minute walk from there, which is enjoyable to begin the excitement of being in a new place. We arrived at our Airbnb which was in downtown Toronto on the 30th floor. Needless to say we had some serious "Views from the 6." Everything Toronto: Currency: Canadian Dollar 1 CAD = $ .77US so your money goes a longer way in Canada. For example you have to exchange 100$US you will hand 129.62 Canadian Dollars as of July 2017. Always check rates for your destination because they can change often. Language: French and English (just don't assume all the time) Running through the 6: We wandered around and found Queens Street West which is also the home of the giant Toronto art (AKA Nathan Phillips Square) and a small fountain that you can see in our photos. Its surroundings, although bustling, give a very welcoming vibe. There are food trucks on most of the streets that sell delicious Poutine. They mainly except cash so make sure to plan ahead. The truth of the matter is that wandering around the city is honestly the best thing to do to really get the full experience. Queens Street West and King Street won't leave you disappointed with it's cool storefront shops and personsable people. Eats: Franz open 24hours Rodney's Oyster House- our fav (See video for Dope explanation on the best Oysters and the quirky bathrooms at this hidden gem) a definite must go. Shopping: For those that love vacay shopping you must go to the Toronto Eaton Center. Great mall with lots of different shops. Party: The Drake- makes you wonder why it's named that...but nonetheless is a great hotspot to meet locals and travelers for a nice chat and delicious cocktails. Did I mention the music is American? Dope vibe all around. We did all of this in 2 days 1 night and we didn't want to leave, but hey, cheers to our next Tripp. Toronto we'll be back and ready for more!

[bedboundactivism]

Leggo the Ego

So, today is the day after Theresa May’s incredibly silly decision to call a general election, and her incredibly naive announcement that it is “business as usual”. Before I get into talking about this, I have two things to admit:

1. I am a full-blown, refugee-loving, allotment-having lefty and Corbyn fan (spoiler alert: I was delighted with how the election went, even though we lost). 2. I was incredibly upset and negative on election day. I felt certain that the Tories would gain another majority despite their terrible campaign and that thought hit me hard. There was a lot of despondency, I think I cried at least twice. I even threatened to not bother voting because I thought it couldn’t possibly make any difference (I still did vote fyi - even if it were just for the right to complain about the result).

So, after that, I also think it’s really important to say: I. Was. Wrong! I was so shocked and delighted to be wrong, but I absolutely was. Thanks to a surge in younger voters, not all UKIP voters heading over to the Tories and I’m sure many other things, Labour gained a huge number of seats (including Canterbury, which has been a safe Conservative seat since the 1800’s) and became the most winningest losers ever! I stayed up all night watching the results coming in (which was not good for my physical health, but fantastic for my mental health haha) and watched as time and time again, I was proved wrong for doubting the country and the strength of Jeremy Corbyn’s supporters.

It's so important to admit when your (*you’re) wrong - especially at times like these and, I guess, that’s what this post is about. Just like Mrs May’s announcement yesterday that everything should stay the same as it was before she called the election, a number of people over the past few years, both in the media and not, have upheld their blind denial that they may not be as unbiased or unprejudiced as they may like to believe. The very suggestion being automatically shut down with derision or anger and the conversation will end there.

A perfect example of this happened to me on the day of the election. The village in which I live has a Facebook group for the residents. If you thought that people in a village might be prone to nosiness and cliques, try adding a Facebook group to that and watch what happens. I always joke with my partner that so much is put online, I could be in the house with the curtains shut and still know what’s happening right outside my door. Of course, as with any public forum at a time like this, talk will usually turn to politics and will usually become heated.

In one particular discussion, I found myself weighing in. I try not to, but I was feeling grumpy and depressed that day and just really needed to argue my point with someone. The person who started the discussion was particularly difficult to talk with: the sort of person that throws around wild accusations and speculation with absolutely nothing backing them (at one point I even asked what their sources were and they responded “my sources are 100%, I can assure you”. Very comforting). I wasn’t the only one finding them frustrating and, after a comment they made about voting Tory because the school they worked at was filled with kids from different countries and having 27 different languages being spoken throughout, they were swiftly accused of being xenophobic by another resident. That was the end of the conversation. The person in question exploded at the accusation, deleted the post and decided the conversation was over.

This is something I see happening often, where an action could border on racism/sexism/homophobia etc etc and the suggestion causes fury. It’s so frustrating and it’s all ego. Is it really so much more important to not be called a racist than to pause and question whether your own actions are harmful? Would it really be so damaging to consider it even? I think no. Instead it halts, and sometimes reverses, progress.

During the EU referendum campaign last year, many people who were pro-leave were often questioned about whether the basis of this view was racism. Kind of understandably, it pissed off a lot of people. Although equally a lot of the response was that it was purely because of “all them immigrants”. After Britain voted to leave the EU, the number of hate crimes recorded rose by 41%.

I am not suggesting that everyone who voted to leave is racist or even that every one of those hate crimes were a direct result of the vote, but the majority of the people who voted (52%) aligned themselves with people and groups who are racist and therefore legitimised those views. However, so many people are clouded by defensiveness and reject any possibility that they may have a problem with race or sexuality that the message doesn’t go in. It’s too late, their ego is dented, their mind turns purely to anger or ridicule.

Today, Theresa May and her team are in talks with the DUP to try and get their help in creating a government. The DUP are anti-gay marriage, anti-abortion, have members who deny climate change and/or are creationists. They also, currently, hold quite a lot of power. It’s been mentioned a few times today in the media, and amongst some members of the Conservative Party, how concerning this is. It’s also been beaten down time and time again. The DUP of course wouldn’t try and affect our social policies and, of course, only hold ten seats so won’t be that powerful, don’t be so silly. However, those ten seats currently happen to be the only ten seats that Theresa May needs to hold power, and considering she called this election purely for more power, I wouldn’t put anything past her.

The point of this post is not for bashing her, though. It’s about starting to think about how to create a dialogue. We are so divided in Britain at the moment, we need to work out how we unify. How do we find some common ground with those that frustrate us and actually create some positive change? I don’t know the answer, but I do know that we all need to drop our egos sometimes to help things along. If someone questions if your actions could be problematic in any way, don’t automatically jump to defend yourself. Ask them why. Making a mistake doesn’t make you a worse person, being wrong doesn’t make you a worse person. It also isn’t a mark that is branded to your skin for the rest of your life. Being wrong is amazing. It’s an opportunity to learn and for growth, and it’s in that sticky, uncomfortable feeling of being wrong that the best progress can be made.

[faiteach]

170116

no care - dear reader I can’t remember the last time I felt this good for this long. It’s gotten to the point that I’m beginning to doubt its authenticity. I mean, if all my deep, dark patches could be attributed to chemical imbalances and oceans of hormones, then what’s to say my highs couldn’t be too? The other possibility is that I’ve finally learned how to handle my bullshit. Now, I’m not saying I will never get depressed again, or that I’ll never split again, or that I’ve stopped dissociating in times of stress and fear. I still do all those things. Repairing and coping with my PD is all about perspective, self-care, and time management. I take a lot of work. I’m aware of that now. So I’ve started focusing on doing the work. I expect that it will never be easy, but I believe that it can get easier, especially if I keep trying. The effects of these things, they kind of snowball, you know? So I’m trying. And in the meantime, I’m focusing on my successes, admitting to my mistakes, and doing what I have to to feel better about them---that is to say, confronting the issue as honestly as possible and approaching any solutions with sincerity. Sounds simple, when you put the words in order, but honestly the actual thought process can be daunting when you’re avoidant and socially anxious. It helps to have good people around who are willing to show some understanding. Part of my self-care includes reminding myself of how valuable my current, positive relationships are and putting dedicated effort into trying to show them that I feel that way. Especially when I have the urge to torch everything I’ve built and run the other way. Again, much harder than it sounds. That’s the trouble with these mental deviances. The mindset of the established order doesn’t leave a lot of room for...what is it? What can you even say about it? The Slip’n’Slide of Terror, the Sudden Sink into Suspicion, that blank wall of static that roars into the mind as the salty waters of anxiety short out every circuit in your mind at the very thought of expressing emotion, empathy, commitment, need, affection, nah need nobody, trust no bitch, s’all good *blink* s’all good *blink* --zzzzt. Reanimating after shut down takes time. And effort. What was I saying? Perspective. It seems to me, this has been the most helpful tool that I have against the things that attack me in my mind. I still get emotional, but now I channel it into safe outlets that allow me to fully express myself without causing any damage. I almost feel like a tourist in my own emotional states. Part of that, is perspective. Instead of getting swept away feeling lonely and sorry for myself, I am able to remind myself of exactly where I am in life, how hard I had to work to get here, and how little I achieved in the past, when I let myself get distracted by the desire to use somebody else to fulfill my needs. I remind myself that in every relationship I ever entered into in the past, my motives were entirely selfish and if I were to pursue the impulses that tells me I need a relationship now, then I would be doing it for selfish reasons because deep down---not even deep down, it’s pretty fucking obvious in every sense of the word that I do NOT have the capacity to care for anyone besides myself. I just don’t. People tend to assume, when I say I don’t want a relationship now, or possibly ever, that it must be because I’m scared. They think I don’t want to risk the rejection and lose the fragile self-confidence I’ve gained. They think I’m just not ready to put it all on the table and start looking again. Eeeeeeh if I’m being truly honest, they’re at least one-third right. The real reason that stops me in my tracks, every time I really feel the urge to go out and look for “love”, is that it’s never made me happy before, and there’s no way it could actually make me happy now. A relationship, of any kind, is a terrifying thing to me---no matter how short lived it is. The briefest interaction can leave shockwaves in my consciousness that take real time out of my day to recover from. I have to be drunk to do the kinds of impulsive things that my urges have made me do in the past, and the shame that I always woke up to was scalding. I’m done with that. Over the last year, I have learned to love myself. I like who I am, warts and all. I enjoy my company. I make myself laugh. I feel beautiful like, 95% of the time, even when I feel disgusting, I just….like it. For the first time in my life, I’m allowing myself to move my body however I want, without caring if I look stupid from some other angle. I’m allowing myself to sing, to hoot, to holler, to take deep breaths, to get up and pee whenever I want, to dance around in full view of other people, to laugh, to snort, to make bad jokes, to make myself heard, to expect better for myself. It has taken so. long. to get here. Of course, I say all that and then, do you know what I did? Let me set the scene. Friday the 13th and my boss has arranged for the entire office AND their significant others (everyone had one but me) to spend the night at a casino/resort for a quick retreat. Just something fun to end 2016 and kick off 2017, right? It was a great time. All of us get along great and we partied like professionals. No one threw up, no one got arrested, no one got into a fight, and while some people lost their bonuses to the slot machines, no one actually went bankrupt. And at 3am, sitting alone in my hotel room, my dumb ass texted KK. I said: “You should call me sometime.” I figured he wouldn’t answer and by morning I would have come to my senses enough to ignore any response. Maybe I’d do the intelligent thing and block his number again. I’m not even sure why I unblocked it in the first place. I’ve thought about him almost every day for a year. Not sad, or hurt, when I do, but with a little regret. He’s been one of my closest friends for my entire life. He’s the only person I’ve always felt happy to be around, except for the times (the many, unfortunate times) when our relationship has become...complicated. And we’ve never even dated in any kind of official capacity. But the truth is, if I’m capable of real love, then I know I love him. I have zero illusions about our romantic compatibility. We want different things, and he’s always had a deep network of friends that I just don’t fit into. Meshing our lives together wouldn’t work, logistically. But is the feeling real enough to try and make it work? Probably not. At the end of the day, I know myself now, and I know I’m capable of doing horrible things to other people just to get what I want. If what I want is more space, then I will cut away parts of my life to make it happen. In any case, he responded right away. “I will. Later in the day though. Haha.” And then he texted me again, first thing in the morning, 5 hours later. We talked a little, like I hadn’t iced him out for a year. He asked what’s new with me and I told him if he really wanted to catch up, he could call me or we could meet up later. As far as I was concerned, that would be the end of it. Every man I’ve ever known has run the other way when I say things like that. They try to do everything from a distance, try to keep me far away on the other side of the screen, because they know if they get too close, I’ll latch on like the succubus I am and demand more than they’re willing to give. He asked me if I wanted to get dinner on Monday. I said sure, and I figured he wouldn’t follow through. They never do. But here we are, on Monday, and he texted me first thing in the morning to suss out the details. We’re meeting up right after work to get food. It’s not like him to ask me to go out for anything. Normally, we’re both too casual to give a shit. We’ve been friends forever, why go out when we can just sit on the couch and play video games? Something about it feels weird, not wrong, just...different. Formal, when we’ve never been formal before. I have no idea what to expect. I have no idea if my absence affected him at all. Before I cut him out, we talked everyday. I have no idea if me missed me, if he cared, if hearing from me was an exciting relief, or if it’s all just par for the course to him. Maybe none of it was a big deal, and he’s just happy to hear from an old friend, with no idea how deeply his actions affected me, or how important walking away from him was to my mental health. It’s entirely possible that after tonight, I will resolve to truly never see him again. It’s entirely possible that after tonight, our relationship will evolve. And if it’s going to stay the same? Do I want it to? I honestly don’t know. I just want to get it over with.