#otherwise tho life has been good since I’ve been home from vacation aside from the fact that I keep waking up thinking it’s Friday

[myfriendtheghost]

goodnight my dearest

[thesummerfox]

Rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 whoever the fuck you want

I was tagged by the fabulous @goddamnitkastle and @laura--howlett , thank you both so much! I’m tagging @wolveria, @emanationman, @thewonderginger, @sonicskullsalt, @carry-the-sky, @wasleichtes, @secondary2mary , @kteague , and @theycallmeeverlasting with absolutely no pressure to do this cos it’s a lot of stuff but if you’re bored like me.. go give it your best shot? 

Setting this under a read more cos I doubt anyone wants my babbling on their dash..

The Last …

1. drink: apple juice

2. phone call: I think I called mom to let her know what time I’d be coming home

3. text message: one from work asking if I remembered a password cos the entire IT dept is out on holiday and they couldn’t access a laptop lol

4. song you listened to: Na Na Na by Pentatonix

5. time you cried: ugly cry has been a while but casual cry was a few days ago

Have you ever ...

6. dated someone twice: I’m not sure how they mean this question but I’ve never casually dated, I’ve always been friends with people first and ‘dating’ felt a lot like hanging out (except with more kissing lol) so I dunno?

7. kissed someone and regretted it: nope. I love kissing people and I do way too little of that so my only regret is not kissing more people haha!

8. been cheated on: not to my knowledge.

9. lost someone special: Yes, either because they died or because they left my life. 

10. been depressed: oh yes. My last major episode’s been a while, but I get downer moods like no tomorrow after I come off one of my high-as-a-kite moods so that’s a lot of fun. *eyerolls* Always have to be careful in fall/winter cos I’m more susceptible to a depressive bender in those months.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: I’ve never even gotten drunk lol -- tipsy is the most I can manage because I’m a controlfreak like whoa

Favorite Colors…

12. Sky blue

13. Dark purple

14. Sunshine yellow/bright pink (hah I can’t choose!)

In The Last Year Have You…

15. made new friends: yesss

16. fallen out of love: nope. Been a while since I’ve been in it, if I’ve ever been at all.

17. laughed until you cried: that’s the best kind, so absolutely! I am the type to just start laughing hysterically or crack a few jokes that are funny to nobody but me so you can imagine that I’m not a stranger to just laughing so hard that I start crying

18. found out someone was talking about you: yeah, in both good and bad ways

19. met someone who changed you: always -- in big and small ways

20. found out who your friends are: thankfully, yes. 

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: yes

General

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: it’s a 50/50 cos I hate using FB for anything other than games and I have added people I only know from online interactions before cos they’re awesome and I wanna see what’s up in their lives

23. do you have any pets: not anymore =(

24. do you want to change your name: nah, I’m good with my name. My name and I are best friends right around now lol

25. what did you do for your last birthday: uhh I don’t recall what I did on the day itself but I know that I went to see the movie Jackie not too long after my birthday and called it my birthday outing so that’s that

26. what time did you wake up: 5am because my brain hates me

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: getting ready for bed

28. name something you can’t wait for: new Game of Thrones season

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: she’s literally in the next room so like 10 seconds ago lol -- I still live at home

31. what are you listening to right now: chirping birds in the backyard

32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yeah

33. something that is getting on your nerves: the godawful holiday schedule that public transport’s got going on right now holy shit I’m so pissed

34. most visited website: Tumblr

35. hair color: it’s red right now but my natural colour is brown

36. long or short hair: I’m growing it back out to long

37. do you have a crush on someone: when do I not seriously

38. what do you like about yourself: I'm pretty intelligent and creative but I gotta tell ya that the thing I like most about myself is the devil-may-care Aquarius attitude to fashion/make-up that winds up with me mixing patterns and colours and going full-tilt cray with blue lipstick

39. piercings: I just have a hole in each ear so I can wear earrings but then forget about that a lot so I’m stabbing my own ears every so often just to keep them from closing up

40. blood type: I have no idea

41. nickname: no real nickname going on at the moment

42. relationship status: single and too picky to mingle lol

43. zodiac: Aquarius

44. pronouns: She/her.

45. favorite tv show: BANSHEE (I’m sorry I’m all-capsing the fuck outta this but this show is insane in the best way and I want y’all to start watching it if you haven’t already okay good thank me later for your traumas)

46. tattoos: I haven’t got one but I keep thinking about getting one but I’m a chickenshit with a low pain tolerance so eh

47. right or left handed: right-handed

48. surgery: I had some work on my teeth done like ages ago but I’ve never been in hospital for anything 

49. piercing: aside from my earring holes, absolutely nada

50. sport: I took ballet back when I was tiny but lately the most I do is occasional yoga

51. vacation: I’m not going anywhere this year that I know of but I like doing citytrips and a lot of sightseeing stuff

52. pair of trainers: Skechers are awesome for my feet so I’ve got a fair few of those -- I tend to walk around in trainers a lot cos I’m always on the go and cannot walk long distances in crap shoes

More General

53. eating: I’m a superpicky eater but I like my fruit and veg, haha (and the last thing I ate was bread and strawberry jam)

54. drinking: I live off fruit juice and water

55. i’m about to: stare at my screen some more cos I have a writer’s block looming over my long fic

56. waiting for: my holidays to start omg

57. want: to buy a car and move out of the house but in this current economy that’s like saying “I need a ticket to the miracle express”

58. get married: someday, maybe? I’m not seeing anyone and you really do need more than one person for that adventure

59. career: I have one? but it’s like a career born out of necessity that doesn’t totally suck to do on a daily basis and the career I want (I just wanna write let me write) is not constructive as a way to pay the bills

60. hugs or kisses: BOTH. I hug people more than I kiss ‘em but I’m all for both

61. lips or eyes: eyes are the window of the soul yo

62. shorter or taller: I’m relatively tall so my inner circle of people consists of both shorter (mostly girls) and taller (Dutch folks tend to be skyscrapers)

63. older or younger: I’m friends with people much older and quite a bit younger than me -- I really don’t care about that. all my relationships have been with guys who were a bit older tho

64. nice arms or nice stomach: ARMSSS I have a thing with nice hands/arms you don’t even know

65. hook up or relationship: relationship, never done random hook-ups

66. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant (I blame my Cap stellium omg)

67. kissed a stranger: noooo but I totally would not gonna lie

68. drank hard liquor: hahahahahaha oh no

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: nah, I may forget where I put them but I never lost them

70. turned someone down: yeah I’ve had to do that, it’s not fun but if I’m really not feelin’ it I’m not gonna pretend otherwise -- I really fucking hate it when people don’t take a polite “no” for an answer though

71. sex on the first date: depends on how long I’ve actually known someone? if they’re a total stranger, then nope, but if we were friends before dating I just might

72. broken someone’s heart: yes, probably, but I didn’t stick around to watch them fall apart cos I was that done with the relationship and he really really really had it comin’ so I hope I shattered it tbh

73. had your heart broken: yeah but I bounced back all right from that so my guess is that I haven’t crashed and burned the way some folks do over heartbreak

74. been arrested: nah

75. cried when someone died: I have done both the ugly sobbing that just makes everything stream out in a cascade of tears and snot (yeah lol tmi) and the dry-eyed thing that eventually ended in a breakdown months later so uhhuh

76. fallen for a friend: always. not in that I always fall in love with my friends, lol, but in that I have to be friends with someone if I’m really gonna fall for them that way imo

Do You Believe In …

77. yourself:  hell to the yes I do

78. miracles: I think the universe provides for us and sometimes blindsides us in a way that makes us think miracles are real

79. love at first sight: I’ve had it happen and it’s not fun so I wanna stop believing in that okay thanks

80. santa claus: I used to, like I seriously hallucinated reindeer noises at one point

81. kiss on the first date: yes please

82. angels: yes

Other

83. current best friends’ names: they know who they are

84. eye color: green

85. favorite movie: Wonder Woman! (to absolutely nobody’s surprise? hah)

[ellenicholes95]

Wed,Aug.8.2018; 12:47pm

My life has taken quite a few unexpected turn since my last post almost 6 moths ago. 2/27/18 - My other half & i had started planning a wedding even tho we’re (still) not yet engaged. 5/26/18 - I’d gotten a promotion at the amazing job that i loved more than anything. 7/11/18 - The bf & i went on an amazing vacation with my family for my birthday. But there are also some serious fucking down sides that ended up happening within all of these, what could have & SHOULD HAVE been, wonderful things... 7/7/18 - I went to work like any other day only when i got there i was pulled aside by my store leader & told that, due to some unflattering rumors being spread about me, that my promotion was being revoked. There were also talks about some video that was made that would supposedly prove the rumors to be true but after that 1 brief mentioning of the “supposed video” & my asking to see it a few times, all conversation of it was dropped.  7/19/18 - After returning from our vacation i was informed that my hours at work had been further cut from 35hrs, 5 days a week to 21hrs,3 days a week. This doesnt really bother me all too much seeing as there are 2 other people in my same employment position that need the hours in order to move up. Both of them were hired on after me & i also helped train them. I was the senior of the people in that position so the other were below me & both were my trainees. 7/21/18 - While back at work i come to find out that my 1st trainee, who will soon be entering her 3rd trimester of her 3rd high-risk pregnancy, will be taking my freshly revoked promotion. This only further heightens my ongoing suspicions of her starting & spreading the rumors that caused me to lose my promotion in the 1st place. 7/29/18 - I end up having to call into work & inform them that i’m incapable of making it to work due to that fact that my other half’s car in no longer in any shape or form of working condition. I talk to my managers & get my hours cut down even further, thinking that maybe i can still keep up with this job that has me driving a 2 hour commute every day, constantly putting all this wear & tear on my car.  7/31/18 - I’m supposed to go back to work on this day, but after having lost his car just a couple days before, MY CAR starts giving us alot more problems that we have to fix & get taken care of quick, fast & in a hurry, otherwise we’d end up having no cars at all. I’ve taken the last couple days to take a really long hard think about everything that’s happened up to this point & whats about to happen because of it. He & i try to work our schedules around so that we can both keep our jobs but he’s considerably older that me & has been busting his ass at his place of employment longer than i’ve been alive. He’s been the sole breadwinner of his household for that entire time as well. With 2 people working && sharing a car we would both end up costing ourselves alot more time, money for repairs & ultimately more stress than what was really necessary. After having a long hard think about all of this i decide to call my job & quit. Keeping that job at this particular moment would’nt have honestly helped anything. I spent the entire last year that i’d been working, saving up as much money as i possibly could while also doing my best to help pay rent as well as other bills. All of these things that have happened have really taken alot of the meaning & purpose out of my life. Im stuck back at home with no car & job. Not that i dont enjoy having all these days & all this time to myself. Though i do have a really hard time trying to figure out what to do with myself. The bf says that i should start honing in on my other skills, my hobbies. I love to sing & dance & write. He really thinks that i have quite the knack for writing. He along with the very few friends that have actually seen me write & have read my past writings. I love him for supporting me during times like this but i also fucking hate him for even putting me here in the 1st place. I warned him quite often about that goddamned car. I knew it was’nt a good deal or a smart buy or even a sound investment. We knew that that car had some noticeable problems just from the test drive & i kept warning him & telling him no but that stubborn ass old man just would’nt fucking listen to me. He’s developed a really bad & nasty habit of not heading my warnings & just not listening to me in general.  This brings me back to an anonymous quote that i read online just a few days ago that reads...  “Men take way too long to get their shit together, but then they wonder why their woman does’nt “appreciate” the transformation that they go through. She does’nt appreciate it because you burned out the best of her in the very beginning. Even if you really have changed & she’s forgiven you, she’s not the same woman anymore & she will never see you as she once did before.”  This quote seriously hits home with me because this is exactly what i am going through now.  I’m not too sure about our future at the moment & i’m not too confident in it either but i guess we’ll just have wait & see...                                                                         -Ellen Nicholes