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ordinaryhouseholdtoaster · 8 years ago

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Spooky Maidment’s Top 25 Favourite Actresses

I had intended to write and publish this list (originally entitled “Spooky Maidment’s Top Ten Favourite Actresses) in time for International Woman’s Day, but it quickly became a far grander undertaking than I had first imagined. I love films and, as such, I love actresses and, boy, are there a lot of actresses that I love.

The first draft of this list, which was compiled over three days, contained a shortlist of 57 thespians, all of whom seemed just as worthy of making the list as the 56 other ladies that their name had been scribbled alongside. And so, for a while, I trifled with the idea of making it a list of 50 actresses that I loved - but that, of course, would mean five times more writing than I had originally intended on doing, and I’m nothing if not lazy and really, really good at procrastinating.

And so, almost a month later, I’ve finally manged to whittle my list down to twenty-five. Twenty-five wonderful and talented ladies, some of which are, in the eye of this beholder, also stunningly beautiful.

And there it is - the obvious flaw in my attempt to celebrate women by composing a list of women that I like to look at.

I am, as I have noted in the past, a straight man. I am attracted to women. Hollywood, very much aware of this dynamic, has been casting symmetrical and visually pleasing women in their motion pictures since the dawn of motion pictures and using their sex appeal to get me to watch said motion pictures. Sex sells, after all, and, with that in mind, I have tried my utmost not to allow my penis too much sway in the forming of this list (which is why Kristen Stewart is rightfully absent).

That said, at this point, having hit puberty approximately 17 years ago, it is rather difficult for me to know just what part of my brain is steering this dilapidated ship at any given moment, and I am sure that sexual attraction plays a much larger role in the forming of my tastes and opinions than I would be willing to admit.

With that in mind, I have actively tried to keep the objectification to an absolute minimum.

And on that cheerful note, here’s my fluffy list, which I’m now worried might be considered degrading, and which, I’ve just now noticed, features a complete and utter lack of ethic diversity. Well, there you go. I’m sexist and racist, apparently.

#25: Robin Tunney

Coming in at number 25, and repping every badass ‘90s chick who didn’t quite make the list (Including, but not limited to, Joey Lauren Adams, Neve Campbell, Clea DuVall, Shannen Doherty and Samatha Mathis), Robin Tunney will always be Deb from Empire Records in my heart, although her leading performance in The Craft (pictured) and her scene stealing brilliance in Encino Man are worth watching over and over and over again.

24: Mia Farrow

The Rosemary in Roman Polanski’s Rosemary’s Baby (pictured) and the Hannah in Woody Allen’s Hannah And Her Sisters, Mia Farrow is probably best known these days for being one of the major players at the center of her ex-husband’s various child abuse scandals, which is a damn shame because she was also in twelve of his movies, with her best performance being as Cecilia in the magical and often overlooked The Purple Rose of Cairo. If you can separate the art from the artists, you should watch any Farrow/Allen collaboration that you can lock your eyes on.

#23: Sigourney Weaver

As if any justification were needed for her being on this list beyond stating the fact that she plays Ellen mother-fucking Ripley in the Alien films, Sigourney Weaver also stars opposite Bill Murray in my two favorite movies of all time, Ghostbusters (pictured) and Ghostbusters II, as well as having roles in Galaxy Guest, The Ice Storm and the criminally under-rated M. Night Shyamalan thriller The Village.

#22: Sissy Spacek

The original Carrie, Sissy Spacek’s almost otherworldly face, pale complexion, abundance of freckles and excellent acting chops are best admired in Robert Altman’s 3 Women and Terrence Malick’s Badlands.

#21: Juliette Lewis

There’s a stretch in the early to mid ‘90s where it feels like every cool film has a beautiful performance from Juliette Lewis in it. Cape Fear (pictured), Kalifornia, What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, Natural Born Killers, From Dust ‘Til Dawn... she’s smack bang in the middle of all of ‘em, playing a whole mess of innocent, crazy and broken young women. How can you not love Juliette Lewis?

#20: Mira Sorvino

I love Mimic (pictured) and if you don’t like Mimic, we can’t be friends. Mira Sorvino is great in Mimic and she’s also great in Mighty Aphrodite, Romy And Michelle’s High School Reunion and Summer Of Sam. Fuck you, Del Toro is a genius and Mimic is great, and one of the main reason’s that Mimic is great is Mira Sorvino and you don’t know what you’re talking about... la, la, la, la, la...

#19: Ally Sheedy

The first of two brat pack members to make my list, Ally Sheedy may not be as iconic as the starlet at #16 but, boy, does she ever show up in a lot of my favourite ‘80s flicks - with starring roles in The Breakfast Club, St. Elmo’s Fire, WarGames (pictured) and a little masterpiece called Short Circuit. Cute as a button, charming, hilarious, a fantastic actress... and did I mention that she’s in both The Breakfast Club and Short freaking Circuit?

#18: Kirsten Dunst

I’m pretty sure I could watch Kirsten Dunst eating soup for two hours, I love her so, but luckily she’s Lux in The Virgin Suicides (pictured), the lead in my number one guilty pleasure Bring It On, the cute and adorable child star of Little Women, Interview With A Vampire and Jumanji, Mary Jane Watson in Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man trilogy and the star of countless other films, so, as of yet, I haven’t had to resort to setting up a camera in her dining room.

#17: Linda Cardellini

In much the same way that Bob Hoskins would make his way onto a (as of yet) hypothetical list of my “Top 25 Favourite Actors” based solely on just two roles - in his case Mario Mario from Super Mario Brothers and Eddie Valiant from Who Framed Roger Rabbit - Linda Cardellini makes this list based solely on just two roles. The first is her portrayal of Velma Dinkley in the colossally under-rated Scooby-Doo films, and the second, and far more important, is her turn as Lindsay Weir in the cult classic TV show Freaks And Geeks (pictured), the cancellation of which still breaks my heart to this day.

#16: Molly Ringwald

The second brat pack member to make my list, John Hughes described Molly Ringwald as his muse, casting her in leading roles in Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club (pictured) and Pretty In Pink. Although her career fizzled out shortly after that, Ringwald remains the face of the ‘80s for myself and countless others and although her star shined briefly, man, did it ever shine brightly.

#15: Nicole Kidman

I watched Stoker the other day and whilst Mia Wasikowska was excellent in it, Nicole Kidman was absolutely mesmorising. Why do I keep forgetting how much I love Nicole Kidman? She’s great in Dogville (pictured), The Others, Margot At The Wedding, Cold Mountain and Birthday Girl... and she made me feel “all funny inside” whenever I watched Batman Forever as a child. I really should watch more films with Nicole Kidman in them. Is Days Of Thunder any good?

#14: Uma Thurman

Standing tall at the center of the Tarantino universe, Uma Thurman’s roles in Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill Vol.1 and Kill Bill Vol. 2 (pictured) are probably the reason she’s on this list, but her endearing and beautiful turns in Jennifer 8, Beautiful Girls, Gattaca, Mad Dog and Glory and the 1998 version of Les Misérables are the reason she sits at the number 14 spot.

#13: Reese Witherspoon

From cool and angsty flicks like Election, Cruel Intentions, Freeway, Best Laid Plans, Pleasantville and S.F.W in the mid to late ‘90s, to Oscar-winning fare like Walk The Line (pictured) and Wild as she perfected her craft, Reese Witherspoon is always on form and always a treat to watch, whether she’s giving an Academy Award winning performance or goofing off in the likes of Legally Blonde. Also, just look how the light dances on her pointy little face!

#12: Amy Adams

I can’t remember if I first saw Amy Adams in Doubt (pictured) or in Sunshine Cleaning, but I do remember thinking, “Holy shit, this woman is amazing. She might even be the next [see number one on this list]”. Nine years later, Adams is one of the biggest names in Hollywood with an impressive five Academy Award nominations to her name and I’d happily unsee all of those performances to have Adams revise her role as Mary from The Muppets.

#11: Christina Ricci

I’m going to be perfectly honest with you right now, Christina Ricci is on this list (and at number 11, no less) because when I was child, I was totally in love with Kat Harvey from Casper (pictured). Ricci is also great as Wednesday Addams in both The Addams Family and The Addams Family Values, as well as in The Ice Storm and Black Snake Moan, but I’d be lying if I told you that this was anything more than eight year old me making demands of thirty year old me.

#10: Patricia Arquette

When Patricia Arquette won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for her role in Richard Linklater’s Boyhood, I wasn’t in the least bit surprised - even though, at that point, I hadn’t even seen the film yet. Criminally under-rated and not in nearly enough films for my liking, Particia Arquette is absolutely brilliant in True Romance (pictured), Lost Highway and as Kissing Kate in Holes.

#9: Chloë Sevigny

Last year, I was watching the excellent David Fincher thriller Zodiac for the first time and when Chloë Sevigny arrived on screen, at what must have been at least the 60 minute mark, I cheered out loud as if I were watching a football match and my favourite player had finally been brought onto the field. Kids, Gummo, Boys Don’t Cry (pictured), American Psycho, Dogville, Broken Flowers, Antibirth... Chloë Sevigny has an utterly amazing screen presence and the ability to subtly elevate any film, regardless of how big or small a role she has to play in it.

#8: Sally Field

Sometimes I fantasize about Sally Field being my mother - à la Forrest Gump or the excellent ABC TV show Brothers and Sisters - and sometimes I dream about marrying Norma Rae (pictured) or running away with Carrie from Smokey And The Bandit. Either way, Sally Field is a treasure and 8th place almost seems like blasphemy.

#7: Winona Ryder

Beetlejuice, Heathers, Night On Earth (pictured), Reality Bites... no actress has ever been as cool as Winona Ryder was in the late eighties and early nineties. Little Women, The Crucible, Bram Stoker’s Dracula... no actress has ever tried so hard and failed so spectacularly to speak with an accent as Winona Ryder did in the mid-nineties. And then, I saw Girl, Interrupted and I realised that, unlike Johnny Depp’s very real tattoo, the tattoo in my heart would always read Winona Forever.

#6: Scarlett Johansson

In much the same way that any list of ice cream flavours would be incomplete without vanilla, my list of favourite actresses would be incomplete without the totally obvious and predictable inclusion of America’s current sweetheart Scarlett Johansson. Forever in my heart for being the onscreen personification of Sofia Coppola in Lost In Translation (pictured), Scar Jo has since blown me away using only her voice in Her, by saying hardly anything at all in Under The Skin and by somehow beating out Mark Ruffalo’s Bruce Banner to make Natasha Romanoff my favorite character in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

#5: Jodie Foster

Bugsy Malone, The Little Girl Who Lived Down The Lane, Taxi Driver... in 1976, at the age of 13, Jodie Foster had a role in each of these films, each time playing overly sexualized children in adult situations and earning an Oscar nomination for Taxi Driver. Twelve years later, she picked up her first Academy Award for her portrayal of a rape victim in The Accused, before picking up her second Oscar in 1991 for playing Clarice Starling in The Silence of the Lambs (pictured), probably the best thriller ever made (with the possible exception of Se7en). In 1994, she would go on to make audiences laugh in Maverick and cry in Nell, the latter of which earned her her fourth and final Academy Award nomination. If you love cinema (which I do), it’s impossible not to love Jodie Foster (which I do).

#4: Shirley MacLaine

Audrey Hepburn this, Audrey Hepburn that. Women wanted to be her and men wanted to be with her. Well, not me... of the two leading ladies in the 1961 drama The Children’s Hour, I was captivated by Shirley MacLaine. And what’s more, her comedic timing was (probably still is) second to none, making her the perfect lady to star opposite the late, great Jack Lemmon in The Apartment (pictured) and Irma La Douce. Throw in her beautifully fragile and oddly arousing performance as Eve Rand in Being There, and MacLaine is motherfucking Hollywood royalty, son. Long live the queen of the silver screen!

#3: Laura Linney

Primal Fear, The Truman Show, You Can Count On Me (pictured), Mystic River, Love Actually, Frasier, The Squid And The Whale... chances are, you’ve seen Laura Linney and thought, “Hey, I know that lady from x, y or z”. Me, I love Laura Linney. I can’t remember when that love began... or which film it was that suddenly made me realise that I loved her... or why exactly I love her as much as I do... or whether or not it’s a sexual thing... but I love her and I’ll watch anything she’s in, from now until the day one of the two of us dies.

#2: Melanie Lynskey

Although probably best known for her debut in Peter Jackson's Heavenly Creatures - for which she was nominated for an Academy Award at just sixteen years old - or for her stint as Rose on the CBS sit-com Two And A Half Men, for me (and the peeps at Sundance, apparently), Melanie Lynskey is the queen of the indie scene, having ignited my passion for quiet, character-driven cinema with her roles in Hello I Must Be Going, The Intervention, Rainbow Time and, most recently, I Don’t Feel At Home In This World Anymore.

#1: Julianne Moore

As hard as it was to whittle this list down to just 25 actresses, and as difficult as it was to then put those lovely ladies into something akin to a ranking order, the top spot was secure throughout, ‘cause ain’t nobody taking the crown from Julianne Moore. For me, growing up in the ‘90s, Moore was Sarah Harding, the apex-predator expert in Steven Spielberg’s The Lost World: Jurassic Park, the rough and ready redhead who refused to be eaten by dinosaurs and who stirred feelings within my ten year old self that I didn’t then fully understand. Throw in her turns in Short Cuts, The Big Lebowski, Magnolia, Evolution and her hilarious yet heartbreaking performance as Jules in The Kids Are Alright (pictured) - to name just my personal highlights - and Julianne Moore has made me laugh, cry and beam from ear to ear on more occasions than I can recall. Also, I’m pretty sure she’s the reason I have a predilection for redheads. I know, I know... I said I’d keep the objectification to a minimum, but, c’mon, I am but a man.

So, number one with a bullet is Julianne Moore. Agree? Disagree? Don’t be daft, this is a list of my favourite actresses. Who are you to say I can’t rank Molly Ringwald higher than Ally Sheedy?

Anyway, suck it, internet. I’ve got films to watch and other lists to spend months pouring over.

Spooky, out!

SpookyMaidment has written many lists, some of them available to view, for free, in truck-stop restrooms up and down the Eastern Seaboard. He’s also a man - a goddamn, hairy-ass man and how dare he put a bunch of women in order of how much he likes them! What a fucking pig!

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