#or if I’m genuinely getting sick
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guh
#I feel disgusting and I can’t tell if I feel bad from the hasn’t showered + sleeping all day + hasn’t moved + hasn’t eaten anything combo#or if I’m genuinely getting sick#and I want to give a quick shoutout to my dad’s coworker Erica. fuck you what the hell were you thinking (you probably weren’t)#hope it was fucking worth it!!!!!#I don’t know how much more of this I can fucking take at this point I’d rather just accept the 20 years of life I got and be done with it#just end it all right on my birthday for a perfectly clean 20 years. maybe even get it down to the minute#ok well I’m not going to do that but can something please go my way can this curse end do I have to do something bc idk what I did#anyways I should probably eat today it’s already 11:36pm#tho tbh I’m not even really hungry#sorry for unprompted rambling btw
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Get rekt
#tomas vrbada#this is genuinely all the art I had time for this week#other than commissions#shout out to commissioners#anyway GOD I miss drawing#bi Han#Tomas snapping out the sick moves#hashtag childhood trauma#hashtag still getting traumatized#I’m so tired good night#mk#fffrost art#fffrost doodle#meme ig#mk1#mk1 sub zero
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So, despite some faults, I really enjoyed totk, and on its anniversary I want to say something about it. Other people have said similar things before but it’s really important to me and actually a big part of why the story of totk was meaningful to me, so I want to also say it:
Zelda needed to come back from draconification. The story needed that. It wasn’t lazy and just ignoring “consequences” because (imo) that was the *point*
The point is to feel like there are going to be terrible consequences and then say actually, no. You can come back from this, with the help of other people.
To me at least, that was the theme of the whole story.
If botw was about how the world goes on past loss and grief and starts to heal (how flowers grow in the ruins and the world can be beautiful again, be worth saving, even if it has changed)…then totk was about a more personal kind of healing.
The weight of the world should not be on your shoulders alone…you, alone, should not have to fix everything…you should not have to sacrifice yourself, but when you do, someone will be there to save you from it.
This turned into a really long ramble so:
You (Link) gained so much and now it’s gone. It feels like you’re back to where you started and yet you know you have to do it all again…you were weak and you failed and you’re weaker now…but
You go down to the surface. Monsters swarm across it once again. Other people are fighting them too though. You help, but it’s not just you…
You go to the Rito, the Gorons, the Zora, the Gerudo…just like with the divine beasts, there are friends who help you save each region. But this time, part of them comes along with you when you leave. It’s nice, you realize, the first time one of them protects you from a monster you weren’t prepared for. You’re still weaker than you were before, but someone has your back…
When you go up to the sky you see a strange new dragon there. There’s something about them that feels familiar. You try not to think about it.
You go down to the depths too. It’s terrifying at first. You hate it. You only want to get what you came for and get out of the dark….but slowly, the light grows. You get stronger. The dark feels like a challenge you can face (and someone has your back).
There are spirits down there. You don’t know when they’re from, but some part of you wonders…are these all the people you let die in the Calamity? (You help them find rest from their wandering. The weight on your shoulders feels a little less heavy).
There’s so much gloom. The first few times the sky turns red and hands chase you (a reminder of what you’ve lost, how you failed) you just run. Eventually though, you have to fight. It feels like the (second) worst day of your life again. But you manage to get free of the grasping gloom and stand and fight, as wild and desperate as it is. Beneath the manifestation of your worst fears, there’s another thing to fight, but this time it has a face (a voice in the back of your head says…you know this isn’t all on you and your failure…it’s really Ganon’s fault right?). You get through it.
At every turn in your travels, it seems like something reminds you of Zelda. Her passion, her curiosity, her kindness. You miss her.
At first, the tears you find reassure you. She may be in the past, but she’s safe. She’ll come back somehow…but then you hear the word draconification for the first time. You want to believe she wouldn’t do it but you know her and the fear sits cold inside you. (Zelda is a lot of things. She’s been allowed to be more of them, since she was freed from her hundred year battle, without her father holding her back. But deep down inside her, there’s a vein of self-sacrifice that still runs strong. It’s what saved the world before, after all).
She did it. She really did it. She’s gone from you (from Hyrule) forever, and it’s all your fault. If only you hadn’t failed so utterly in the battle (you can hardly even call it that) under the castle. If only you’d caught her. If only you hadn’t let the sword break. You should have protected her you should have been better it’s all your fault and now she has to live with the consequences, forever. Everything really is on you, you should have been better.
(Zelda POV: you couldn’t call upon Hylia’s power in time, you were too content to let it wither and fade away from you, ready to be free of it. You shouldn’t have. He got hurt, the sword got hurt, it’s your fault…Sonia and Rauru help you channel it again, Sonia helps you learn how to turn back time…but you don’t save her. She dies because you couldn’t save her. Rauru dies not long after. There is no one left to guide you, once again. You could spend years trying to figure it out on your own. But you did that last time. It didn’t work. Self-sacrifice, stepping in front of someone you love, that worked. (You do what you can, to call upon the sages, to help Link in the future, first). And then you swallow the stone. You’ve come a long way, in the past five years, allowing yourself to exist. But in the end, self-sacrifice worked last time. It’ll work this time too.)
You (Link) go down beneath the castle. You were supposed to bring the sages but you didn’t. It’s nice, for someone to have your back. But no one else should get hurt to fix your mistakes.
They follow you anyway. They fight with you, against the hordes, against the greatest enemies you defeated together, along the way. They’ll have your back, even if you don’t think you deserve it.
You fight Ganondorf, and then the demon king, in the hardest battle of your life. You think it’s over and then the demon king decides it’s better to lose himself completely than let you win. You’re exhausted and afraid of yet another battle, but up there in the sky, when you’re falling, the Light Dragon catches you (you wonder why she changed her path to catch you, you wonder if there’s still something of Zelda left in there to save). With her help, you win.
And then you’re in some other realm. The spirits of Sonia and Rauru are there. You remember how the two of them and Zelda channeled such incredible power together. You think about Recall. Turning something back to the memory of what it was before, like Sonia said. You stand with them and you allow yourself to hope. Maybe the Light Dragon can remember the form she took so long ago, the person that she was.
And then you’re falling, and Zelda is falling, but this time you catch her. You catch her. She’s back home with you, finally, finally.
And maybe, one mistake doesn’t have to be the end of the world. You don’t have to be perfect. Sometimes, someone else can stand with you, and it’ll all turn out alright. (You can put the weight of the world on your shoulders, you can sacrifice yourself, but someone will be there to catch you, someone will be there to pull you back to yourself, when all is said and done).
#loz#tears of the kingdom#Link#Zelda#I will say also that I think part of the reason totk is special to me is very personal#like when it came out I was still struggling with the worst burnout of my life#I had had a few months of exhaustion between January and March and in May that exhaustion was still sticking to me#it was hard to get out of bed hard to do anything I felt so tired that I almost felt sick but I wasn’t sick#and the thing is Zelda games are my biggest special interest#and having a new one to play like genuinely I’m not joking it gave me bsck so much energy#I was doing really badly but when totk came out I played it for an entire weekend straight basically#and like my mom came to visit me and help me out with basic life stuff#and like sit with me while I played just like enjoying being together#and that was really nice#over that summer and the fall after I started getting to know someone I work with better#largely over conversations about totk at first#and they’ve become a good friend#(and become someone that I feel safe to be fully myself around)#and so I just have this really strong personal connection to totk#like I will not claim to be impartial about it#there are definitely criticisms that I can acknowledge#in particular I don’t like that they un-amputeed Link let Link be disabled#and also ganondorf’s characterization was shallow and one dimensional#and I’m sure there’s other things I could think of#but the overall narrative#including Zelda becoming the light dragon and then turning back in the end#I really like that#it felt like a narrative of healing to me#and playing it at the time that I did felt really healing to me too
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green beetle black beetle
#star wars#the original trilogy#boba fett#darth vader#hi. sorry for star war jumpscare. genuinely#i feel like ive kinda been on an art hiatus lately due to health stuff#i got diagnosed with a parathyroid disease recently (wahoo) so now i know why i have been feeling so bad! need more tests though#anyway. in the mean time most of the entertainment my brain can handle has been like. youtube clip compilations of shows and movies#not even the actual shows or movies. literally just sections of them on youtube#i wish i was joking#the only reason i know what happens in succession is because i have watched it in disjointed order in youtube compilations. not joking#anyway so ive learned a lot more about star wars than i ever. thought i would#mostly just the original trilogy and prequels. some of the old comics & books are interesting too#(sick to my stomach) i like darth vader he has like the same personality as ganondorf except he had no good reason for doing anything#when vader/anakin does literally anything weird or unacceptable it like. makes me laugh so hard its like jerma when he sees a car accident#boba fett’s costume design has been rotating in my head a lot too it’s very good#he’s very colorful and like. matte/unpolished compared to vader and it makes them a cool duo visually#those 2 are my favorites. vader why is the space cowboy the only person aside from sidious or tarkin who is allowed to get mad at you#sidious is my 3rd favorite. he sucks so bad as like a person that you just. you have no expectations of him except just being evil#so its just really funny like everything he does is horrible and he’s so happy all the time like good for him#i’m making it sound like ive never seen star wars before. i have i just never really cared about it until i got an endocrine disorder lmao#but yeah idk art may continue to be slow while im figuring out treatment stuff#if anyone reading this also has or has had hyperparathyroidism im wishing the strength & radiance of 1000 beautiful horses upon you
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Do u actually ship rocky and mitzi?
to try and be as simple as possible, i suppose i do ship them ; i’m particularly drawn by their dynamic and have long since grown enamored with it … so, naturally, i enjoy turning them over in my head and shoving them together, seeing all the possible ways they fit and how they function when glued together. rocky’s feelings for mitzi are so intense and metaphorical that there’s a lot of ground to run with, honestly. it’s not a black and white relationship where they fit neatly under one label or another either, hence my constant use of the term ‘a secret third thing’ for them overall. there’s romance, obsession, desperation, platonic associations, and a thousand other factors embedded into what they have. rocky simply ‘seeing mitzi as a mother figure’ or ‘being totally in love with her in a traditional sense’ just doesn’t capture them with the justice they deserve. it’s more … muddled than that. rocky, at this point in time, is completely incapable of maintaining love anyway, and mitzi certainly isn’t any better either. in a context where i envision them together, that aspect is a big part of things : where they click together due to their inability to sustain a healthy and stereotypical romantic bond, and thus accidentally fuel each other’s unhappy paths. it’s easy to see how mitzi does this to rocky! but rocky is capable of doing it to her as well, what with his all-consuming need to be who she relies on and to restore the lackadaisy to it’s previous glory for himself and her. he enables her and she enables him, even if it’s subconscious and accidental. while there is undeniable fondness and care there, they are also walking down this path hand-in-hand, tugging each other along when one of then falters or pauses. so, to me, it’s not hard imagining things becoming closer and more intimate … who doesn’t want to be smashed together against someone who gives you all the validation you crave and never shuns you, twisting all your awful deeds into something good and believing you righteous at all times. it’s addicting! and natural. while rocky obviously would enjoy such a relationship, so would mitzi at this point in her life. where she’s exhausted and feels particularly ugly within, and is currently all alone.
they also would click in ways that wouldn’t force them to abandon how they currently go about romance. mitzi needs to spend a good portion of her day thinking about her dead husband and nobody else, meanwhile rocky is very enamored with being a knight in shining armor so to speak, only able to express himself through extreme devotion, a thing that ( as said by crew members on stream ) can’t singlehandedly keep a relationship afloat … normally. but mitzi can deal with rocky’s rather eccentric and destructive behavior, can take the only thing he can offer and accept it wholeheartedly, because she couldn’t handle anything more normal or mature right now. and rocky, despite his occasional displays of territorial behavior, never bats an eye at or feels inferior to mitzi’s atlas obsession. this wouldn’t be the case in other relationships, where both of them would have to change or grow in some way in order to keep the love stable and secure. there would be things they’d have to give up, or be vulnerable about, and both of them are too stubborn for that at this point. a random lover would always be a second thought compared to the lackadaisy.
( now, of course, i ship mitzi and rocky with other people! and i’m very interested in these bonds forming during canon’s events. but it’d either be an unhealthy relationship, due to everything i said above, or a happier sort of take on things : where mitzi and rocky are pulled from their minds’ unraveling edges and are both given the care, patience, and understanding they both need. one where they can set aside the lackadaisy for a moment or two, and can find genuine happiness somewhere else. i never see them as fully moving on from it, nor do i see mitzi fully giving up atlas or rocky fully giving up mitzi, but things can be softened and less insane. sometimes! )
now, is this healthy? no. but is this me saying they should be surgically removed from one another because they make each other ‘worse’? also no! i adore them in every sense of the word and acting like there aren’t positives attached to their dynamic would, frankly, be stupid of me. they are there for each other in their worse moments and approach each other with kindness, something they don’t really get from others anymore. they are genuinely happy to be in each other’s presence and have a habit of lifting each other up, or providing each other some much needed warmth on a bad day. you see it many times in the comic, situations where mitzi is devestated, and rocky rushes in to comfort her ; and he always succeeds in some way, wiggling that severe expression off her face and getting her to smile, even if it’s small and weak. and rocky loves that! it makes him happy to be able to ease her heartache and worries so. it makes him feel useful and needed, and she’s one of the only people in his life to give him even a sliver of praise here or there. here are some examples i can remember off the top of my head :
and while there isn’t many examples of mitzi praising rocky, she is also still one of the few people who shows concern over him and asks after him. there are also two scenes, in the pilot and in the comic, where rocky messes up big time, and mitzi has every right to be frustrated with him. she could yell, she could get mean, like rocky is so used to, but instead … she sucks it in and simply lets it go. this happens with the pig farmers, but also in the pilot most notably! where the second she realizes how hard rocky is taking her words, her reasonable and sympathetic irritation at things not working out, she backtracks. she forces those emotions away and simply says this, earnestly and kindly, and wipes the devestation off rocky’s face :
as much of an accidental negative influence they can have on each other, there’s also a more purposeful positive influence that is inherent in their dynamic. i wouldn’t ever want to dismiss that, nor do i enjoy when other people rush to do so themselves, claiming they’re simply no good for each other. well, they claim mitzi is a manipulative person who only sees rocky as a pawn, but i’ll pretend fans are critical of rocky’s many faults as well. the point is : they’re good for each other and to each other! they just happen to have a great capacity to cling and stay where they are rather than doing anything more beneficial or productive. any dynamic in lackadaisy can become toxic in a sense, given the fact that a majority of the characters are prone to indulging in their flaws and chasing what’s familar, what’s most comfortable, with little regard to anyone else. but i find that aspect interesting, and i love rocky/mitzi all the more for their accidental enabling and vastly obscured views.
the more romantic aspects aren’t really something i care too much about, overall. i play around with it and find scenarios where things can bloom in such a way, but them calling each other ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ isn’t something i care for. i do not think mitzi would ever be attracted to rocky in a sappy lovesick way -- she’s above fawning as it is, and is rather methodical about things like passion or adoration nowadays anyway. her eyes can’t exactly sparkle upon seeing rocky spilling syrup all over himself nor can she sigh dreamily at his nonsensical, improv poetry spiels that just burst out of him like water through a broken dam. but they could soften at the corners and she could convince herself of something romantic if it held her the right way. if she felt battered enough to give into it, or was lonely enough to indulge herself in a place she knows she’s wanted. rocky, on the other hand, is a bit easier to imagine here! he would never say no to miss m. and actively wants to ‘keep’ her already … if they were to become an item, an obscure, happenstance item, than he’d embrace it full heartedly! it’s been well established rocky isn’t one to turn down love or affection, so to get it from mitzi of all people? it’d be extremely ooc to even pretend he’d regret it or shy away. he loves her, of course he does, his beautiful dionysus : who unlocks her doors for him to enter, who smiles upon him with her wine soaked lips, who brushes a dainty paw across his shoulder and sings him praises like it doesn’t pain her to say them. she is warm and comforting and soft, and rocky is possessed by a maddening desire to wrap every spaghetti limb he has around her, and never let her go. again, his love is nothing short of all-consuming and obsessive where mitzi is concerned. her devoted acolyte! it would be simple to see how he’d get here in comparison to mitzi’s more wounded and guarded heart. i don’t think rocky fully loves her in only a romantic sense, however! i’m a firm believer that it is a mix of romantic and platonic feelings, an awkward and intensive blend of the two, this sort of combination that isn’t easy to sort through. he does take comfort in the fact she reminds him of a motherly figure, just as much as he genuinely finds her attractive and appealing in a puppy love kind of way. there’s also the fact that rocky is keen on lying to mitzi and wearing masks around her in the name of seeming more amazing in her eyes -- the fact his love for her is metaphorical and personal in equal measure, and the fact mitzi hides herself away from everyone around her. there would be a lot of untangling! a lot of pretending. this is a ship that will always have a multitude of layers and caveats attached to it, so to speak.
but that excites me! i like it! i love a dynamic that i could write endlessly about no matter the context it’s being framed in! how utterly unsurprising it is that the first lackadaisy fic i thought of was one that would focus heavily on these two and what’s happening between them, what could happen. mitzi wallowing in her self-inflicted misery while rocky prowls around her, begging to be useful to her while simultaneously chasing off a suitor of hers that he cannot stand to let near, is quite the image in my mind, and is one i always have looping around in the back of my head. the parallels to atlas/mordecai are an added bonus to this! if rocky is doomed by the narrative then mitzi is the narrative to which he’s bleeding himself upon, you know? that, as well as his own insecure delusions. mitzi, similarly, would easily waste away to nothing or get herself killed while trying to pursue her nostalgic ambitions if it weren’t for rocky being so willing to do the dangerous stuff for her. i think about how mitzi almost got herself killed in skedaddle and how rocky rushed to save her. while zib and ivy care for mitzi, and viktor is obligated to protect her, they are not as quick as rocky is -- nor as recklessly devoted to the point of readily given sacrifice.
anyway! i’m very fond of them, and there are so many scenes and other aspects of their characters that i could spend ages pouring over. this is, genuinely, merely a fraction of my thoughts on them. although i do hope i answered your question, anon! i got a bit carried away and i’m sure a lot of this is hard to parse through by default, but oh well!
#my asks.#lackadaisy analysis.#in a sense? lol#i just LOVE these two i love them so bad!! they are very near and dear to me#i dont even think my words here can encapsulate the love i have for them#or the complexity of their bond : how genuine and fake and intense it all is#i also just enjoy devotion in all my dynamics so it’s not shocking that they hit all the right marks for me#again! i do not care for them kissing or whatever. i do not care for them dating. but i could see it#i often think about how rocky was originally supposed to be the leader of the band before zib was created#and how this could imply him being romantically entangled with mitzi in previous character iterations … before things changed obviously!#so! i do find that neat. and what can i say? mitzi sadly likes a tortured artist. she’s also selfish lol#they are my barbie dolls and im throwing them into every scenario my sick and twisted mind can think of etc etc#also they just have extreme comedic potential and sitcom vibes together … which i find hilarious and fun!#ugh there’s so much i didn’t bring up here due to fic reasons and also because i’m too busy to focus on this longer but!!!#i love them your honor. nobody gets them like i do!!
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Getting 100% of the day’s chatrooms in Mystic Messenger:
#mystic messenger#I am so tired#there’s a chat I want to do at 3am tonight but I genuinely cannot do it lmao I’m so tired after getting 100% today#it’s basically impossible with the middle of the night chats lmao I wish there weren’t any from like 1am-7am#sick of the characters telling me to sleep early and then having chatroom at like 3am istg
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ashton and fearne severely weakened by the lava dive… the whole party low on spells bc it’s been a while since they’ve had ANY rest… can’t teleport out with fearne restrained and no easy way out of the very tight cavern…… LUDINUS FUCKING DA’LETH showing up………… REVIVAL MAGIC NOT WORKING……………… i think i’ve seen this film before and i didn’t like the ending
#getting major fucking otohan fight flashbacks and i’m genuinely so scared#pit in my stomach i need them OUT OF THERE NOW!!!!!#…although this has been one of the most exciting episodes in a while i’m completely enthralled but also sick to my stomach#bells hells#bells hells spoilers#critical role#critical role spoilers#cr spoilers#cr3#c3e75#tay liveblogs
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I feel like you would love Wander Over Yonder.
I WOULD AND I DO!!!!! I’VE SEEN WOEFULLY LITTLE OF IT and really, really, really want to commit to it. both times i’ve tried to watch it i’ve loved it immensely. i really need to commit myselffffff!! but in what very very little i’ve seen i’ve adored it. i love the energy i love the cartooning I LOVE WANDER!!!!!!!!!! i feel like since i’ve gotten into LT, where every character is some sort of absolute freak and has their own unique set of issues, i haven’t been Advertising my sheer adoration of obnoxiously happy little guys (to the chagrin of everyone around them). characters like SpongeBob, Lazlo, Chowder, Stimpy…. it’s definitely my favorite character archetype and Wander more than fits the criteria which is why i need to watch!!!! i’ve had multiple people say it’s an Eliza Show and i very much stand by that having only seen like 2 episodes
also, the prophecy is fortold because i drew this exact pose with Lazlo and Lumpus once upon a millenium. which i can’t look for right now because i’m on mobile. but mark my woids.
#anonymous#asks#I LIKE#i consider Daffy sometimes to be a de facto member of this archetype#which is funny because he’s most known for being a miserable asshole#and even in the examples i’m thinking of he’s still an asshole. and can be prone to miserable tendencies#but the 40s duck there is a subset of shorts where it’s like#he’s committed to his mission and will act congenial and nice and pleasant to his adversaries and often doesn’t know or care that they’re#adversaries and keeps annoying the hell out of them and is never discouraged or beaten down#and it’s so pleasant and genuinely inspiring to watch#The Stupor Salesman comes to mind in that regard and that’s one where he does get annoyed at times!!!!#or like ummmm. Scrap Happy Daffy where he finds this Nazi goat and his first instinct is to make a sales pitch for an alkaseltzer to#alleviate an upset stomach. obviously he doesn’t know the goat is a ‘Nat-zee’ yet and is quick to reverse course#but just that his first instinct of dealing with this enemy is to call him condescending endearing nicknames (‘it’s a poor little sick#billy goat! hey William!’) instead of being like WHO ARE YOU WHY ARE YOU HERE#stuff like that is why i have clung to him so ferociously and find great empowerment in his unflappability and steadfast determination#and i’ve also clung to him because of his flaws and chips and stuff as well#i love Daffy Duck this is not new
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hey I hate having to ask but I’m going to be short on money after my upcoming phone bill. If anyone could send something over, I would be more than thankful and can do a drawing for anyone who sends something once I’m done with my commissions too ❤️❤️❤️ thank you
#I’ve been recently working on them bc I was just sick 😭#I’m not comfortable taking more genuine comms rn so lowkey sketches I’m more comfortable with#once im done#I start work in a week too but won’t get paid for two
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:)
#i just want to scream#i want to scream and dig my nails into the dirt and cry#i am so tired#like i genuinely have forgotten what it’s like to be cared for#like i don’t think anyone will ever want me the way i want them and i just have to come to terms with that#because i just get proven time and time again that i am not of importance#my son is the only person that keeps me sane#because without me he’d be alone#and that thought makes me fucking sick#he is the only one screaming for me while i’m struggling to stay above water
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also really REALLY could have done without the possession sex stuff actually - like did we learn nothing from season two?????
#I know it’s in the comics#but a) the comics are deliberately’edgy’ and a very different vibe (I still don’t like it there for the record)#b) even in the comics it’s depicted as klaus hitting rock bottom - he actually dies/ nearly dies and his family stages an intervention#(including Ben from beyond the grave)#c) YOU COULD HAVE STILL NOT?????#I genuinely felt sick I hate how they played it for laughs too#ha ha the character with bodily autonomy and control issues gets roped into pseudo sx trafficking lets play the funny music!!!!!!#what the fuck#tua#the umbrella academy#I’m not weird am I this was fucked up ????#spoilers#// negative
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What does that person require Will to have a bowl cut for all time? Lol 75 year old white hair Will with bowl cut
Will Byers, 2022
#sorry y’all maybe I shouldn’t be feeding anon the fodder but I’m really sick rn#and have nothing else to do#stuffy noses suck#never taking breathing for granted again#also I genuinely didn’t think people would actually get upset about that silly comic 😂#anonymous#askovna
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No way. No actual fucking way
#I can’t believe it. I can’t believe how much idiocy is ingrained in this country. I’m actually fucking sick.#If you’re a trump supporter please never ever interact with me.#I’m so disgusted with this country. never in my life have I felt so disappointed and ashamed#I’m so fucking sick. genuinely. what the fuck is wrong with this place#the fact that I have to continue living in a place so fundamentally hateful makes me want to tear off my own skin#I hate this country. I hate living here. I hate fearing for me and my families rights.#anyways. I’m sure my posting will slow down for a bit considering I’ve never felt this awful and unsafe in my entire life.#or maybe I’ll start posting excessively to distract myself from everything I don’t even know#to all my fellow trans people I love you all 🫶#and to all poc and women and minorities 🫶 let’s hope we can all stick together and get through this mess
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it’s just like. honestly this isn’t even the main thing that’s bothering me rn but like. picture you’re a kid right and you spend your entire life all 17 years never ever ever being taken seriously like even when you have friends they treat you like an uwu smol bean stereotype. and it’s been like this your whole life and you hate it and it’s miserable and you feel like nobody listens to you. and everyone says people will start taking you seriously once you’re an adult and you think okay i just have to wait until i’m fucking 18 i can survive that and then you’re an adult and they still don’t take you seriously! they still don’t!! and it kind of feels like damn okay. nothing in my entire life has been worth it because i will NEVER be taken seriously. i will always be seen as a stupid fucking baby and nobody is ever going to treat me like a human being with autonomy! ever! i might as well just fucking die right now because LITERALLY NOBODY HAS EVER SEEN ME AS A FULL PERSON AND NOBODY EVER FUCKING WILL. and you like can’t even say any of this because being ‘dramatic’ makes them all respect you even less. and you literally cannot do anything to change this you just have to come to terms with the fact that you are never going to be seen as an independent person who deserves respect. just fucking imagine that.
#rambling#‘it sounds so wrong when you swear you literally have a little kid voice’ ‘lmao youre like my son’ ‘youre just a lil guy’ KILL YOURSELF#ACTUALLY FUCKING KILL YOURSELF SHUT UP SHUT UP IT’S NOT FUNNY IT’S NOT FUCKING FUNNY#I TRY SO HARD AND NOBODY VIEWS ME AS A FUCKING ADULT#WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO FUCKING DO#like this shit is genuinely hurtful to me and i get it from everyone. especially irl.#and i can’t fucking change it#like#i’m a short autistic asexual trans man with a speech impediment. i am never not going to be treated like a fucking elementary schooler.#i’m so fucking sick of it.
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I’m not going to lie I’m like really stuck and don’t know what to do with my feelings about All Of This. I dont have therapy until next week and they don’t have space to move me up and I dont really have anyone else to talk through how I feel ? I dont know what to do.
#like I live in my dads house. and he voted against me.#I didn’t speak to him at all yesterday because I just can’t look at him#I knew he was gonna vote that way but it didn’t seem real until it was already too late#and like my mom says he doesn’t have bad intentions but I don’t know how I’m supposed to know that ???#like he knew what voting for that entailed and he still did it anyways regardless of what his actual reasons were#and it makes me even MORE sick because I know that like 90% of my family voted that way too. how am I supposed to do holidays ?#and it makes me sick EVEN MORE because my best friend and my sister didn’t vote but if they had they would have voted that way too#so I genuinely have nobody to speak to about this but my mom and she does not want to hear me shit talk my dad#like I live in a state that’s almost definitely going to remain safe for me#but it’s hard to know that they look at me and claim they love me and then turn and look at people just like me and vote for their demise#like do they really love me ? do they really see me as a person ?#I know the call to action is to condemn their supporters but how do you do that when you’re entire support network is made up of people who#wouldn’t care if you lived or died if you weren’t related to them ?#what do you do if you live in your conservative dad’s house and there is literally nowhere to run because you can’t even afford to get a#shit apartment ?#what do you do when you’re just as alone with these people as you are without ?#vent post
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omfg gonna actually kms my stardew valley save file got fucked bc of the adopt leo mod so i might actually have to redo it, like holy shit??? was married to sebastian and elliott, we had two baby girls and over 100000000(??) coins and completed all of ginger island, had at least 6 hearts with every character, gave pam a fucking house
for fucks sake i almost completed the museum
that game was my *life* i had a fucking family and i went and fucked it all up i’m so upset
#stardew valley#stardew sebastian#stardew elliott#stardew leo#adopt leo mod#vent post#i’m genuinely crying over this#besides total drama#that stardew save file was my entire fucking life#i loved my husbands and children#including leo#but the mod that made me able to marry seb and el#fucked it up confused leo for a marriage candidate#so i’ve been trying to get rid of him#i feel bad about it but it’s the only way#bc he is a CHILD#i am so tired#and i’m sick too#i’m fucking exhausted
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