#or actually blaming finland

[auspicioustidings]

Based on this. You are in Finland full of self-loathing and the 141 needs a fat wife if they want to win some beer.

You aren't exactly on holiday in Finland. It should be your honeymoon but since you caught your groom balls deep in your maid of honour you instead have used it as an escape from the country. You just cannot be around the people you love right now, can't have them all look at you with all that pity. Even worse is that some of them probably don't even blame him. Your former best friend is a size 8, perfect hourglass figure. Your former partner is trim and decently fit. They look like they belong together more than you and him ever did.

You hate yourself. You hate looking in the mirror. You hate how clothes fit you. You deserved it you think.

"Not a chance MacTavish, that's my wife!"

"Away and biel yer heid, I saw her first!"

"Actually I saw her first!"

"I outrank all of you muppets so I think you'll find that is my wife!"

It's a racket in the little cafe but you don't pay much mind, still just staring out the window and wondering if you could ever deserve anything. One of the servers comes to take your empty cup and grins at you, telling you in her heavy accent that she would personally go for the one with the mask since he's the biggest. You don't understand when you look around and there are a lot of locals smiling happily over at you while four Greek Gods of men are having a scuffle, moving slowly in your direction. More people chip in, arguing about who you should pick, some lamenting that they would claim you themselves if they thought they could.

One big man does try, basically some Viking God, but he's playfully (you hope it's playful) spear tackled by the man with the mohawk before he laughs and backs off.

When Gaz with warmed cheeks and excitement in his eyes gets to you while Soap is busy with the viking and Ghost and Price are wrestling one another he asks if you'd do him the honour of being his wife. You nearly choke, but he explains that the wife carrying competition is today. You look around, bewildered, ask him why he wouldn't pick any of the other women in here given that they are all gorgeous slim things.

"Fuck all use to us, need a nice soft bird with lots of fat" says the man in the mask.

Price scowls and whacks his lieutenant upside the head because he sees how you look a second away from crying.

"You're gorgeous sweetheart, he didn't mean anything by it. The prize is the wife's weight in beer though, so he's right about a little lady not being much use."

You don't know what to say. You don't know if this is mortifying or not given that everyone around you seems to not be looking at you with sneers or laughing at you, but instead looking with soft smiles that convey fondness. They think this is adorable.

"Dinnae listen tae their nice soft birds and sweethearts! I'll be a better husband bonnie. I'm shorter aye bit look at the power in these legs, naw going tae drop ye. And I'll split that beer 50/50!"

And then they're arguing. The four of them are arguing and trying to put forward a case to you about why they would be the best husband. When it starts to get raunchy, you fluster and stop them. But fluster is something. It's not self loathing. It's been weeks since you felt anything but self loathing. So even though you are sure everyone can feel the heat rolling off of you in waves at how bashful you are under so much attention from such attractive men, you pick one (the others are devastated but vow that you're only a wife for the competition, that after they should get another shot at convincing you that they're the best option).

And they do. Even though the man you picked doesn't win (gets DQ'd actually since you are heavy and he decided that you were getting over that damn finish line so the four of them took turns) they take you out for drinks after. You think you feel humiliated that they couldn't carry you a long distance, but you don't have time to sit with the feeling because they drown it out with how warm and giddy they make you feel.

They insist that they will compete next year, so you have 365 days to pick a husband. When you make a quiet comment about how you'll lose weight by then so they can carry you the whole way, they nearly riot as they assure you that they would be a shit pick for husband if they didn't spent the year getting stronger so they can carry you just how you are. Plus they'll not be losing any beer thank you very much.

By the time the next wife carrying competition rolls around you are a different person. You're wearing clothes that fit instead of trying to hide your body. You laugh and flirt back with the barista instead of assuming they are making fun of you by flirting. And you don't care if your husband makes it over the finish line, just that you have fun and laugh and joke about the attempt. Of course it's not entirely certain who that husband is yet, got to keep them on their toes after all.

[jessicalprice]

christian universalism strikes again

(Reposted from Twitter)

So a rabbi I know came back from LA pretty jazzed about a Jewish addiction treatment facility there called Beit T'shuvah and so we talked about their approach and that got me curious about non-AA approaches to dealing with addiction which, my friends, was fascinating.

I’ll admit that almost everything I know about AA is more or less from The West Wing. I'm fortunate in that no one in my immediate family has dealt with substance abuse issues, and as far as I know, none of my close friends are alcoholics. My knowledge is pop culture knowledge.

But hearing about Beit T’shuvah was very interesting to me because:

I'd heard that a lot of people who aren't Christian have a hard time with AA because it's so Christian.

The difference in philosophy was subtle at first glance but actually paralleled a lot of the differences between Judaism and Christianity if you dug into it.

Anyway, I got curious about whether success rates were different for Christians vs. non-Christians and started googling. I didn't find much in the way of the data I was looking for, but I did find something a lot more disturbing, which is that the whole 12-step thing is not science-based. At all. For example:

The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse compared the current current state of addiction treatment to medicine in the early 1900s, when there weren't a lot of standards for who could practice medicine. In order to be a substance abuse counselor in many states, you don't need much more than a GED or high school diploma.

A 2006 survey found "no experimental studies unequivocally demonstrated the effectiveness of AA or TSF approaches for reducing alcohol dependence or problems."

And I want to make clear here that I'm not saying AA is bad--clearly it's helped people. The problem is that it's touted as a universal approach, which is a problem when it's not based on any sort of actual science. 

AA claims that its success rates for people who "really try" are 75%. (And boy does that mirror gaslighting diet language.) But the most precise study out there that's NOT coming from AA (https://amazon.com/dp/B00FIMWI1O) put actual success rates at 5-8%. One of the major textbooks on treating addiction ranks it at 38th out of 48 on its list of effective treatments.

So just like most fad diets, it fails for almost everyone who tries it, and then blames the individual for its failure.

A glaring issue is that the 12 steps don't really acknowledge--or provide any guidance or structure for dealing with--other mental/emotional health issues. That’s a giant problem when people with substance abuse issues have higher than average rates of those issues. (Take a moment to consider how the victim-blaming approach of “if you didn’t succeed, it’s because you didn’t try hard enough” is going to intersect with someone’s major depression.)

Now, if 12-step programs were just one available treatment approach out of many, this wouldn’t be that big of an issue.

But 12% of AA members are there because of court orders. Our legal system is requiring people to undergo treatment that is: 

Christian-based

Not scientifically supported

A failure for the vast majority of people

I mean, here's a pretty comprehensive breakdown that talks about the lack of scientific support for it, alternative treatments (like those in Finland, and naltrexone), and the fundamentalist origins of AA. 

The founder was a member of the Oxford Group, an evangelical organization that taught that all human problems stemmed from fear and selfishness, and could be solved by turning your life over to divine providence, basically. Sound familiar? He based AA on those principles, and given that the only alternative was "drying out" in a sanatorium, and that AA members would show up at bedsides there and invite inpatients to meetings, it must have looked really enlightened to people. In 2022, it bears a queasy resemblance to evangelizing to people in prison, literally a captive audience. 

To be fair--to their credit--they were some of the first people out there saying alcoholism was a disease, and not a moral failing. But they didn’t treat it like a disease when it came to testing treatment options:

Mann also collaborated with a physiologist named E. M. Jellinek. Mann was eager to bolster the scientific claims behind AA, and Jellinek wanted to make a name for himself in the growing field of alcohol research. In 1946, Jellinek published the results of a survey mailed to 1,600 AA members. Only 158 were returned. Jellinek and Mann jettisoned 45 that had been improperly completed and another 15 filled out by women, whose responses were so unlike the men’s that they risked complicating the results. From this small sample—98 men—Jellinek drew sweeping conclusions about the “phases of alcoholism,” which included an unavoidable succession of binges that led to blackouts, “indefinable fears,” and hitting bottom. Though the paper was filled with caveats about its lack of scientific rigor, it became AA gospel.

And then Senator Harold Hughes, who was an AA member, got Congress to establish the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, which promoted AA's beliefs, and sometimes suppressed research that conflicted with them:

In 1976, for instance, the Rand Corporation released a study of more than 2,000 men who had been patients at 44 different NIAAA-funded treatment centers. The report noted that 18 months after treatment, 22 percent of the men were drinking moderately. The authors concluded that it was possible for some alcohol-dependent men to return to controlled drinking. Researchers at the National Council on Alcoholism charged that the news would lead alcoholics to falsely believe they could drink safely. The NIAAA, which had funded the research, repudiated it. Rand repeated the study, this time looking over a four-year period. The results were similar.

The standard 28-day rehab stay, prescribed and insured:

Marvin D. Seppala, the chief medical officer at the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation in Minnesota, one of the oldest inpatient rehab facilities in the country, described for me how 28 days became the norm: “In 1949, the founders found that it took about a week to get detoxed, another week to come around so [the patients] knew what they were up to, and after a couple of weeks they were doing well, and stable. That’s how it turned out to be 28 days. There’s no magic in it.”

The last sentence here (bolded for emphasis) is especially chilling. 

That may be heartening, but it’s not science. As the rehab industry began expanding in the 1970s, its profit motives dovetailed nicely with AA’s view that counseling could be delivered by people who had themselves struggled with addiction, rather than by highly trained (and highly paid) doctors and mental-health professionals. No other area of medicine or counseling makes such allowances.

There is no mandatory national certification exam for addiction counselors. The 2012 Columbia University report on addiction medicine found that only six states required alcohol- and substance-abuse counselors to have at least a bachelor’s degree and that only one state, Vermont, required a master’s degree. Fourteen states had no license requirements whatsoever—not even a GED or an introductory training course was necessary—and yet counselors are often called on by the judicial system and medical boards to give expert opinions on their clients’ prospects for recovery.

And, again, the idea that this is the One True And Only Way to deal with alcohol abuse leads to medical professionals ignoring research and treatment options that could be helping people. They are, in essence, taking all this completely on faith. 

There has been some progress: the Hazelden center began prescribing naltrexone and acamprosate to patients in 2003. But this makes Hazelden a pioneer among rehab centers. “Everyone has a bias,” Marvin Seppala, the chief medical officer, told me. “I honestly thought AA was the only way anyone could ever get sober, but I learned that I was wrong.”

Stephanie O’Malley, a clinical researcher in psychiatry at Yale who has studied the use of naltrexone and other drugs for alcohol-use disorder for more than two decades, says naltrexone’s limited use is “baffling.”

“There was never any campaign for this medication that said, ‘Ask your doctor,’ ” she says. “There was never any attempt to reach consumers.” Few doctors accepted that it was possible to treat alcohol-use disorder with a pill. And now that naltrexone is available in an inexpensive generic form, pharmaceutical companies have little incentive to promote it.

I'm not saying that AA is bad. I'm saying its hegemony is bad. It clearly is effective for some people--a minority of people. But it's not for the majority of people, and that's a problem when it's being prescribed by courts (and doctors) as if it's a one-size-fits-all approach.

It’s not an accident that a Christian approach to treating addiction presents itself as the One True Way For All Humankind, insists that courts and doctors privilege it, demands that people take its effectiveness on faith, and blames anyone for whom it doesn’t work for not believing/trying hard enough.

Hegemony is a problem. 

(Photo credit: Pixabay)

[stillunusual]

The word "Nazi" has a specific meaning to normal people, but to vatniks and tankies it has five basic meanings…. "anybody I don't like" "anybody who disagrees with me" "anybody who's a citizen of a country that Russia wants to invade" "anybody who opposed or simply didn't want to live in one of the tyrannical regimes I simp for" "anybody who was oppressed or killed by one of my favourite mass murderers" EDITED TO ADD: a tankie clown reblogged this post and made some typically asinine comments, so I thought I'd elaborate a little bit…. Tankie clown: @well1x is either referring to the fact that a lot of the "deaths under communism" listed in "the black book of communism" (which gives us the 10 million number or whatever) are quite literally Nazis in WWII, or they're referring to the fact that the only people who have been made to deliberately suffer under communism have been literal Nazis and fascists (generally speaking)

Joining the tankie cult requires you to live in a delusional clown world and believe in a shit ton of made up (and often contradictory) nonsense that requires a considerable repertoire of mental gymnastics (and lies) to maintain….

@well1x is literally trying to claim that all victims of communism are "nazis and facists" (sic), which - back in the real world - is a very obvious lie. It's also a blatant example of victim blaming. For example, most of the millions of men, women and children who were robbed, raped, imprisoned, sent to the gulags, tortured, starved to death, executed or ethnically cleansed by Stalin's henchmen were not Nazis or fascists, and many were innocent of any crime. The vast majority of the population in Stalin's Soviet Union also had to put up with crippling poverty and backwardness, the brutal suppression of their religious and community life and the total lack of freedom.

Based on his comment, I doubt if the tankie clown has ever read "the black book of communism" and I'm also not sure why he mentions this book in particular, when there are thousands of others that thoroughly document the numerous crimes of the regimes tankies insist on being the useful idiots for, and I think it's safe to assume that he hasn't read any of those books either (in fact, I doubt if he's ever read any book whatsoever)…. Tankie clown: Karina then shows an image of (presumably) some kids in the Ukraine famine. This is completely unrelated though because this famine was not manufactured by the USSR as say the Irish famine was by the English. Can't really attribute natural disaster to "muh communism"

Again - a typical genocide-denying tankie lie.

Tankies generally start by saying that the holodomor was Nazi propaganda, and when you debunk that they claim it was just a natural disaster, and when that doesn't work they make up some bullshit about how millions of farmers who barely had enough to live on were wealthy kulaks who burned crops and slaughtered cattle (and therefore deserved to die). And when you point out that the red army actually broke into their homes and confiscated all their grain, every cow or chicken or any other food they had, and that the Soviet authorities blacklisted villages, sometimes purely for containing relatives of Ukrainian independence fighters, and prevented the villagers from leaving, shot them for even collecting ears of grain from the fields, and watched them starve to death - tankies will just deny it, or laugh, or pretend that millions of holodomor victims were all rich landlords (and therefore deserved to die) etc etc….

I've also never seen English people pretending that the Irish famine never happened, or claiming that the victims deserved it, or that it was a good thing, or that Britain should re-conquer Ireland. On the other hand, it's difficult not to notice Stalin's smooth-brained groupies swarming all over social media every day denying or justifying the holodomor and other crimes of Russia and the USSR, and hoping that Russia not only re-conquers Ukraine but also Finland, the Baltics, Poland and other countries it has invaded and occupied in the past.

There's no point trying to reason with tankies using facts, logic or common sense - and appealing to their sense of decency while they're simping for their favourite mass murderers is a complete waste of time. Tankie clown: Karina then says @well1x is defending imperialism(???), defending ethnic cleansing (which …what??), dreaming about labour camps and mass shootings (for Nazis yes plz), and does not do any praxis (based on?).

Yep - most tankie clowns claim to be communists while simultaneously embracing Russian fascism, supporting the imperialism of Russia’s mega-rich ruling class, mindlessly repeating the Kremlin's propaganda and cheerleading their war crimes. These morons seem to have no idea that the Russian Federation is an empire made up of many conquered states that Russia invaded, occupied and colonised in the 16th, 17th, 18th, 19th and 20th centuries, or that Russia's war against Ukraine is a brutal attempt to reassert control over one of its former colonies. Russia's history of imperialism is at least as bad as that of any western country - and they're still doing it in the 21st century.

And I have seen countless examples of tankies speaking openly of wanting to mass murder their ideological enemies (or people they don't like) - because they also delude themselves into believing that if their revolutionary dreams ever came true, they'd be the ones doing the arresting and killing, despite the fact that in a real revolution they'd be about as much use as a fart in a spacesuit. They also have no idea how their small dick energy is somehow going to bring capitalism to its knees, which they'd inevitably end up crying about if it ever actually happened in reality.

Most of them are complete losers who spend the majority of their time sitting in their bedrooms huffing their own farts while reading tankie fan fiction online. Tankie clowns also claim to be against western imperialism and capitalism, despite living comfortable lives in western capitalist countries and owing everything they have to capitalism, including the freedom to use their capitalist smartphones or laptops to post anti-capitalist tantrums on social media platforms owned by western capitalists (thus helping these western capitalists to maximise their profits).

This is generally the sum total of a typical tankie's - ahem - "revolutionary" activity.

The vast majority of tankie clowns wouldn't dream of ever giving up the comforts of capitalism to move to one of the authoritarian shitholes they stupidly simp for, because then they might not be able to play their favourite capitalist video games anymore….

It's also a fact that Russia and the USSR have ethnically cleansed millions of people. Tankie clown: OP takes this insane train all the way to the station, and says @well1x is talking about anyone they don't like which… no. They're talking about the traditional Nazis.

No - they're falsely claiming that all victims of communism are Nazis and fascists. Learn to read…. Tankie clown: But also let's break this down. Who does OP think is being called a Nazi? "anyone I don't like" I mean I don't like Nazis, but I don't think everyone I don't like is one lmao. Funny tho, dude throws around the word tankie until it has no meaning.

In my experience, if you disagree with tankies about anything, they will pretty soon call you a fascist or a Nazi. It's they who throw around words like "fascist" and "Nazi" until they have no meaning (and most of them hilariously claim to be opposed to fascism while simultaneously supporting it - if it happens to be Russian). Tankie clown: - "anyone who disagrees with me" if you disagree that all human beings deserve to live a dignified life regardless of race/sex/gender identity/sexual orientation/age/disability/whatever then yeah you probably are a Nazi

Straw man. See above….

It's also amusing to observe the doublethink of somebody who apparently believes that "all human beings deserve to live a dignified life" while simultaneously thinking that when his favourite mass murderers oppressed and/or killed huge numbers of people it was perfectly OK…. Tankie clown: - "anyone who's a citizen of a country that Russia wants to invade" why the fuck are we talking about Russia? Believe it or not OP, USSR does not stand for "United Soviet States of Russia" lmaoooo

We're talking about Russia because most tankie clowns support Russian imperialism and mindlessly parrot the Kremlin's propaganda about how Russia's latest invasion of Ukraine is some sort of special de-nazification operation (see above). Tankies are generally so ignorant, gullible and stupid that they will literally believe anything the Kremlin tells them…. Tankie clown: - "anyone opposed or simply didn't want to live in one of the tyrannical regimes I simp for" tyrannical regimes lmao. These were only "tyrannical regimes" for people who actually were in fact Nazis.

Again - this is the kind of reality-denying nonsense I'd expect to hear from a tankie clown. One thing that really appalls people in the central and eastern European countries that experienced the reality of being occupied by the USSR and/or Russia, is the staggering ignorance and stupidity of western useful idiots who have no idea what it was actually like, and are not only dumb enough to join the tankie cult, but insist on westsplaining to the victims and their descendants about how the horrors they and their families suffered (usually for doing literally nothing) either didn't happen ("cuz the CIA made it all up") or claiming that they somehow deserved it ("cuz they were all Nazis/fascists/kulaks/slave owners").

Back in the real world, these were tyrannical regimes for tens of millions of ordinary people who had done nothing to deserve being subjected to tyranny…. Tankie clown: - "anyone who was oppressed or killed by one of my favourite mass murderers" yeah basically that's what I've been saying.

Thanks for proving my point….

And please note that smoking weed on your mum's sofa isn't actually going to bring the world revolution closer.

That was just a joke…. 🤣😂

[enter-the-phantom]

My top moments of Semifinals Night 1:

-“Don’t blame me, I voted for Finland too.”

-Ukraine going from Circle of Life to a giant lesbian cuddle pile

-Swedish twins Backstreet Boys but make it knockoff cyberpunk

-Serbia getting ready to sink the Titanic

-Ireland bringing us all to tears with the trans flag costume reveal

-Gay boxer shower sex but in space

-Finland not changing a damn thing about their staging because it’s perfection. The effects and choreo cleverly blocking our hero’s junk was just *chefs kiss* 👌🏻

-Poland fighting for her life against life size chess pieces while borrowing Joost’s shoulder pads

-Kaarija mention

-Epic Sax Guy mention

-That one couple that came in 20th but was actually the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life

-Shoulder dancing

-Laser show farm animals

-Zaachariaha Fielding Michael Ross (I’m dumb af) actually being the most Australian looking dude one can imagine

-That one guy in the audience on the Peacock broadcast who was definitely being held there against his will

-“For the vegetarians, vegetable lasagna without babies”

[writeforfandoms]

Waking Lions 11

Find the series masterlist

Ace continues to get into trouble. Flirting happens.

Warnings: Swearing, flirting, mention of injury, Price needs his own warning label, little bit of kidnapping.

Word count: 1.5k

Landing in Finland didn’t actually help the raging anxiety much. You let Laswell and Captain know to stand down, no further issues, and you’d update them soon. 

And then you booked a hotel room and took a very long, very hot shower. 

Your phone was ringing by the time you got out, and you grumbled to yourself. Captain. “Yes?”

“What’s your status?” 

“Secure,” you said after a moment, frowning just a little. That was a new tone from him. 

“And your delay?”

“A non-issue. Just a little miscommunication is all.” 

Captain was silent for a few moments. “Send me coordinates for the drop point.” And then he hung up.

You stared at your phone. Was he… upset? With you? For what? You hadn’t done anything wrong. 

But you did send him coordinates and a time. Tomorrow. Because there was no way you were going anywhere else tonight. 

Some gentle prodding at your side showed you were still healing well. You’d probably have a scar from this, but better a scar than to be dead. 

But you managed to sleep, at least. Which was honestly a relief. 

You made it to the drop point early. As always. You settled on a bench, pretending to read a book and people-watch. 

Even though you were expecting him, you still startled a little when a body dropped down next to you.

“Status?” Captain asked, voice low, a thread of concern in his voice.

“I’m fine,” you assured him, only a little snippy. “Here.” You held out the USB to him.

But he didn’t take it right away, frowning at you, gaze sweeping over you in a clear visual check. “What happened?” 

You blinked at him. “Does it matter? I’m here, I’m fine, I’ve got stuff for you.”

He took the USB but his fingers closed over your hand, trapping the drive between you. “What happened?”

You stared at him, eyes wide. Your heart was beating far too fast for the situation. “Nothing really happened,” you said weakly, confused. “Captain… what are you worried about?” A sudden thought had your heart clenching in pain. “Thought you gave up on the accusations?”

“That’s not what this is about.” His frown deepened and he shifted closer to you, the line of his jaw tense. “You went silent for hours and rerouted your flight without explanation.” 

You floundered, just a little. Because that? That was not an accusation. That was something worse. Concern. “I–Captain, I’m fine. Nothing happened. It was just…” You trailed off. You could lie, could come up with something convincing. Something that he wouldn’t be able to verify. Because your clients were none of his concern. 

Except that this client might also be a lead into the ultranationalist group, and that seemed like the kind of information Captain might need to know. If you really wanted to try this whole playing nice thing. 

So you breathed out slowly, bringing your free hand up to rub your eyes. You were tired. Moreso than you should be, really. You blamed the situation. 

“It was a potential new client,” you answered, not looking at him, fingers still pressed into your eyes until stars burst against the dark of your eyelids. “Knew me from Sergio, but didn’t have my contact information. Either didn’t ask Sergio or didn’t want him to know. I’ll find out which.” Another slow breath in. “Normally I would not be telling you this, because my business is not yours, but. He paid me with a check that rerouted to a shell company, one of the ones that I noted.” You shrugged a little, finally lowering your hand, though you still refused to look at him. “I was going to get more solid information first, but you rather forced my hand.” 

Captain was silent for several moments, keeping your hand captured. Then he sighed. “Ace.” 

You glanced at him almost without meaning to, gauging his reaction. But his expression was carefully neutral. 

“I’d prefer if you keep me in the loop on this one. Even if you don’t have solid intel.” He held your gaze easily, blue holding steady but no less intense. 

“Understood.” You managed to crack a smile. “I’ll take it under advisement.”

He scoffed softly but finally released your hand, keeping the USB. “Password?” 

“Reliant.” You smirked a little, still not quite normal but getting there. 

He grunted once in acknowledgement. “Get some food, you look bloody awful.”

The laugh felt punched out of you, almost painful. “Flatterer,” you said without any malice. “You offering?” 

He was silent and still next to you for just long enough that your heart tripped into high gear. Then he chuckled. “Maybe next time, Ace.” 

It was a surprisingly gentle let down, and you left it at that. You stood first and turned away.

Only to stop when a hand wrapped around your wrist. 

“Thank you.” 

You turned slowly to look at Captain, the two words far too sincere to ignore. You honestly had no idea what to do, just staring at him for a moment, before you nodded once. 

You were quick to leave as soon as he released you, heart pounding, head reeling. 

This… had not been the plan. This had not even been anywhere near the plan. 

But he wasn’t wrong. You needed food. And sleep. You could figure out the rest after that. 

Good food was easy to find in Finland, and your hotel was comfortable. You took the rest of the day to get your head on straight and rest up. And also to put out a few emails to some contacts, because you wanted White to give you more information. You doubted he’d be a good source, but maybe you could put a few things together. Maybe it would help. 

Or maybe you’d finally get in too deep and end up where you always suspected you would - an unmarked grave in the middle of nowhere. 

Grimacing at the macabre turn of your own thoughts, you shook yourself and turned on the news for background noise. 

Captain was becoming a distraction. And that was a problem. One you wouldn’t abide. You had too much going on to have him distracting you. 

How to get Laswell to agree, though, was another problem entirely. One that you decided to sleep on. 

Honestly, you meant to talk to Laswell. You did. But you got sidetracked with getting contact information to three of your contacts, and their information to White. Then you had a call from Valeria where you had to dance around an invitation. Then there was the call from a contact of yours who had gotten himself into trouble and asked you for help back out of it… You got busy. 

You were going to deal with him. Eventually. 

Just… Not right now. 

The first text check in was easy to brush off. He’d just asked for status. You just said “busy”. 

That got you two more days of denial and research. Tracking down shell corporations and tracing payments took time.

The second check in was harder to ignore.

Need an ETA.

You grimaced down at your phone, then at your laptop. You had information you could give him, sure, but not as much as you wanted. You had nothing new on White, no new major movements. In your eyes, it wasn’t worth the time to arrange a drop for this. 

Few more days. Chasing down some leads. 

That was… close enough. And gave you enough time to do more digging, put some pressure on some people. 

At least, that was the plan.

That plan very much went to shit when you went out to get some food. You’d gotten half a dozen steps outside your hotel when two men fell in step with you, one on each side. 

“Stay quiet and no one gets hurt,” one of them murmured, low and threatening. You could just see the flash of a pistol under his jacket, pointed at you. 

“May I ask where we’re going?” But you made sure to keep your voice quiet and pleasant. You really didn’t want to get shot again. Laswell would never let you live it down. 

“You can ask.” There was no humor in his voice, but he didn’t make any threatening moves, either. “This way.” He turned down a street, and you followed. He walked a few more blocks to a black van and pulled open the back door. You went in without prompting, shoulders tense. 

This was very much not good. 

The other one pulled a bag over your head, and you sat still and compliant. You had absolutely no desire to get thrown around over this. You needed your head clear to get out of whatever mess this was.

[dark-and-kinky-hetalia-scenarios]

Hello! I was hoping if you would be willing to do the 2p Nordics with a very short s/o? NSFW if possible!

Of course! I hope you enjoy this :D fair warning tho I'm tall so I naturally don't have a lot of experience with being short ^^;;;

2p Denmark/Markell Køhler

He likes it a little too much in the wrong way (cough pervert cough)

He thinks that you being tinier than him is cute, and he will make you wear cute stuff and then fuck you in it, the size difference turns him on

2p Finland/Thurston Väinämöinen

He's already short enough as it is and he hates it, thinks it makes him look weak. That also applies to a possible SO, you would ideally be tall and lean so you can defend yourself and fight of course

He likes it in the bedroom kinda, he prefers having power over you, but that's about it, he'd still fuck you regardless of height, he just finds taller people to be better mates

2p Iceland/Erikur Steillson

Also prefers an SO who is shorter than him, so you're in luck, because he definitely enjoys the power trip of having a shorter SO both inside and outside the bedroom

It also makes it much easier to kidnap you and tie you to the bed until you agree to be his. His communication skills are shit, blame Loki for that one. Actually none of them really taught him any of that

2p Norway/Loki Thomassen

He doesn't have a preference for height other than it being close to his own. You can be as short as you like and he'll still kidnap you, force a love potion on you and then treat you like his most precious play thing

A short SO definitely also gets the short end of the stick, as he overpowers them more easily that way, size matters in this case

2p Sweden/Bernard Oxenstierna

His preferences lean towards a shorter SO but it's not really as outspoken as some of the others preferences. Mostly he likes picking up a short SO and swinging you around like in a dance and also because it's easier to move you around during sex if you're small

His yandere tendencies also have him leaning towards shorter people, they are easier to control physically. It's gonna be fun that day a short person absolutely wrecks him because he thinks them a weakling

[fishyfishyfishtimes]

So, Ahti II, huh?

I've explained Ahti II's backstory a bit in the past, but there's not really... any general information on him. What he's like. So I'm talking about him now! First here’s this handy dandy information sheet I made of Ahti some time ago:

(+ Art reference)

King Ahti I (the First) formed the Kingdom of Osmeri about a millennium ago from the scattered groups of merfolk living in the Baltic Sea, and his descendants have been ruling ever since. Ahti II is the oldest child of the current queen (if barely, him and his sister are twins) and therefore he’ll be next on the throne. He’s been raised for that purpose pretty much his whole life: he’s knowledgeable in politics, history, literature and languages. Now he just has to learn what people really care about! Hence why his parents sent him and his sister off to the coast of Finland. They’re privately tutored as they navigate normal life and try to make friends.

Ahti II would indeed make for a pretty good ruler: he’s kind, he’s patient, his manners are impeccable, he’s very knowledgeable, and he wants to take absolutely everyone into consideration, although that last feature does make him more of a people pleaser… he would like everyone to be happy, but since that’s frankly impossible he takes it a bit hard and blames himself when compromises don’t satisfy everyone. Still, the role of a diplomat is a natural one for him and he slips into it very easily. He keeps his own interests and thoughts on the background and centers other people and the actually important topics first. Ahti II can handle crowds, even able to entertain and hold the attention of big ones, but prefers quieter environments and just a few people whose company to enjoy.

Ahti II’s big interests include literature and, by the heavens, FISH. He is ridiculously excited about fish! His interest was sparked by the domestic pikes his family raises and it never once has died down. He loves learning about fish and aquatic life from foreign waters and keenly eyes the fish that he can see while swimming. He’ll very enthusiastically explain everything he knows to anyone who’s willing to listen. Like stated above he’s also very enthusiastic about reading and stories, it’s how he often learned other languages as a child. He dabbles a bit in literary analysis and even writes himself, but he’s shyer about showing his poems to others. Along with writing, his other hobbies include collecting vintage animal illustrations, hiking in nature, and swimming, since now he can’t do it all the time. He likes to keep himself busy with activities!

Ahti II has a speaking quirk where he tend to exclusively use formal language, in every language he knows. In part this is because he often liked to read older books as a child, but also he just really likes speaking that way and he likes the sort of reputation it gives him. He wants people to see him as a polite and jolly person first and foremost, whom one can trust when there’s trouble. He never swears, often he exclaims “heavens” when things go badly (the “heavens” he talks about are not “the heaven” you might think of, “heaven/haven” is the common name of a species of giant sea turtle that according to legends sailors could trust to help them if their ship sunk). He might not drop the act even when he’s upset.

His favourite type of music is cheerful corporate pop music that most would find annoying. His favorite food overall is cheese and cucumber sandwiches, his favourite snack is sweet liquorice. His favourite animal is the northern pike, if you asked him what his favourite land animal is he’d say lion. His favourite flower is coltsfoot. His favourite smells are rain and saltwater.

[frikatilhi]

Seeing that smile, I realize that... Now, I understand...

Now I understand... why Jere rejected 20k euros, he cleares his agenda for several days when Bojan returns to Finland, he put his photo in the setlist of the most important concert of spring, he washed his underwear until five times... Or why last night he ran back to Helsinki with several kilometers between them.

Yes, I guess I would do anything for those chocolate brown eyes too... Sigh..

Yeah, who can blame him.... I hope that this time Bojan actually joins him at the loveshack cabin he has reserved for them

If Jere is Bojan's fountain of youth then Bojan really is Jere's cryptonite

Helppppp

[nanoa1foryou]

Soundi did a concert review of Kuumaa's Espoo Metro Areena show!

(And since Soundi is an actual music magazine, they actually put effort into their reviews of music and musicians, unlike some other media platforms I know...)

Some points from them:

Kuumaa's insane success since Tulipalo

All the awards and list placements and packed tours, everything. Also that this show was very much the culmination of all of that, topping off what has been a huge row of wins for the band.

They compared Kuumaa to vanilla ice cream.

As in that it's good, most people like it just fine, and in the right circumstances it's irresistible. Also that it's easily digestible, as in they don't challenge their listeners (which I would maybe challenge, but it is mostly accurate).

Johannes Brotherus' boyish charm

According to Soundi it makes him a great frontperson, and that his role in the band is understood and welcomed by the rest of the band. They also mentioned his flexibility as a musician, with him playing piano, guitar and the violin on stage.

Kuumaa's position as the favourite of young people

Mostly in reference to the tiktoks from Loppujen lopuks. However, Soundi also acknowledged the fact that Kuumaa's listener base is incredibly variable, appealing to all genders and various age groups just as well.

They called the setliste a bit narrow

As in they straight up called the songs between the hits "forgettable" (which we know fans will strongly disagree with, but I'd guess that to someone who isn't as familiar with their discography rings more accurate). They also called into question wether or not these songs will even be played in an album or two (which is an odd poinnt to make, as by then their discography will be long AF and even hit songs may have to be cut.)

They called Rakastaja exceptional

Which is fair as far as musical style goes, but Soundi was referring to the lyrics here. And the specific lyric they pulled up was the opening line, which apparently stood out from the other softer love songs. (Which I think any lyric off Tuhoaisti would be more out there, but I digress, and maybe they didn't mention that since they mentioned Tuhoaisti earlier in highlighting Kuumaa's success.)

Finally, where will the band go from here?

Soundi wonder wether or not Kuumaa will be able to maintain the huge success they've had. The pressure is on to make more hits, but they also need to be able to develope their sound further and grow as artists without calculating and forcing their hand.

-

All in all, I would have hoped for more of an actual review of the concert, instead of just a recap of all of the band's achievements and qualities interpersed with points from the show. The tone of the article is not uncritical of them, but clearly they chose to focus on the fact that this band is one of the biggest in Finland for a reason, which I don't blame them for.

[kuuttituutti]

Tell me about your favorite movie and i promise not to psychoanalyze

Okay I need everyone to be so fucking cool for a moment cause i'm going to talk about my favorite movie, and this will be a long one. If you want my answer to movies that I actually can reccomend to people, my favorites are Tom of Finland, Kiki's delivery service and Man who loved Yngve (Mannen som elsket Yngve).

But my actual favorite movie of all time is a finnish flick called "Pussikaljaelokuva" (Six-Pack Movie). If you have never heard of it I do not blame you cause it's horribly inaccessible even in Finland, I think renting it from youtube is the easiest way of seeing it. But I don't have that problem cause I own it on DVD.

Is it a masterpiece? No. Is it movie I'm eager to show to my friends? No, actually I think I have shown it once to one special person and that was vunerability i don't know if i'll ever replicate. But is it an important movie to me, that hits some really spesific points in my soul? Yes. And most importantly, is it funny? Yes, in a way finnish movies tend to be.

The movie tells about three friends, all unemployed, single, and with no actual direction in their lives. They spend a summer day getting in to hijinks they try to avoid, meet people they shouldn't talk to and drink. They are not good people, they are not necessarily bad people, they are just people trying to get by. But the thing that always tugs at my heartstrings is just how good friends the three are. I think that in finnish films friendships between men are a tricky thing, but Pussikaljaelokuva manages to do the guys' relationship with eachother so much justice. We don't really get any backstory on how the three met, only some stories they later tell to knew acquintances, which do imply that they have known eachother for a longer while. No one really talks about their families, other good friends, it really seems like they only have eachother.

the ending of the movie always makes me cry, even if it's not even that sad. The guys are trying to walk to a hospital, after one of them breaks their toe. And they stop at a bridge, where one of them, Marsalkka, stops and starts to tell a story. He once was walking somewhere, and saw the man on the bridge and was suddenly hit with the fear that the man was going to jump off from it. So he went and talked to him. And the man just said that "He had no desire to do such thing. He was just looking down at the city he loved so dearly". And as the sun starts rising up, the guy who had broken his toe asks if they had already gone to the hospital, cause he feels a lot better. And they all stare to the distance on the bridge, and Marsalkka starts saying: " Comrades, friends... I just thought to say..." before being cut off by the other two saying that they already know. And that they feel the same way. And it's the most raw moment of vunerablity of a male friendship in finnish movies ever, and Husky Rescue's new light of tomorrow is playing in the background (Oh I also discovered them through this movie) and i'm bawling my eyes out cause these guys have no idea of what they want to do with their lives, but they know that they care about eachother so much and that they want to continue living their weird directionless lives, if only so that they can spend more time together with eachother.

And I know that one reason the movie hits so hard is that the situation the guys are in is so real. There are a lot of reasons why people end up spending their days just drinking, cause they don't really have anything else to do. And I think that all the guys know what their situation is like, but they still want to believe that today is a good day, and they will enjoy it.

I really wish more people watched this movie. I had to leave out a lot from this post so it would be not completely full of just ramblings, but it's a movie that makes me want to stay alive so I can spend days with the friends I care teh most about, even when we all are directionless and scared of the future. Today is going to be a good day, if only because I have decided so.

[mitamicah]

Gig report: Käärijä at Böle Arena and Club 05.04.24

It has now been five days since my first Käärijä gig in Finland and my first stadium gig with him as well. In short it was an amazing experience and one of those concerts I probably will keep with me forever. However, there were both great and less great parts of the whole thing.

TLDR; I loved the shows especially because we were able to see Jere live out his Rammstein fanboy dreams and that we got Paidaton Riehuja during the spontaneous DJ booth set which made me cry. However, I was more than once annoyed about security and their lack of communication to the fans.

Disclaimer: this report is written from my point of view. Keep in mind that this is just the opinion of one kääryle and some of these experiences are very much subjective to my unique situation.

My trip to Helsinki was far from ideal. The flight I was meant to take on Friday May 3 2024 was cancelled and so I have to wander around in Copenhagen Airport for eight hours before flying to Stockholm then Helsinki and landing around dinner time instead of the originally plan 9.20 in the morning. For this reason I had to cancel the tattoo appointment I just made and mentally cancel my plans to explore the inner city of Helsinki. Luckily I wasn’t alone since another fan had been scheduled to take the same flight so we hung out together. Our luck didn’t improve however so we caught the Joker Out travelling curse in Helsinki when our bags were missing for half an hour to an hour. Because of this we were only arriving to Pasila station around 8-9 o’clock in the evening.

I blame me having been up very early (2 am), the annoyance of all we’ve gone through and my autism making me like clear cut rules that people actually following for my feelings about the next part. The thing is that we were a group of four going to Böle just to see the venue after eating some Korean/Japanese food to be met by a big group of campers outside the venue. This confused me since the venue had informed on more than one occasion that queuing before 8 am Saturday was prohibited. From what I gather from Elmi (ehaapasalo on ig) that talked to some of the campers the security personnel had given into the campers to be allowed to camp at the venue although NOT at the main entrance. Yet they (the venue) had not make an official statement about this making it so half or more of the fans would not have known about this chance of plans. I was way too tired and it was way too late for me mentally to change my plans so I went to my hotel where I slept horribly given I worried about the queue the entire night.

Next morning I woke up as I’d planned at 5.30 (would’ve been more than enough time had the queue started at 8 am) to be informed through IG group message that there were already 60+ numbers given in the unofficial queue. Already slightly sleep deprived I went to the queue a little past 7 am with a big, lurking cloud (figuratively) over my head. I got number 99.

At 8 am the second big change of plans where announced: Instead of starting giving out official numbers at 11 the security would now ask people to line up so the numbers could be given at 8 am. This change didn’t bother me as much as the previous one but it was still not a great feeling I was left with since this was not clearly communicated before now. We got our numbers (mine was 95) and pretty much 85-90% if not more went home to sleep and/or eat. That meant me that had looked forward to hang out and meet people in the queue felt I was getting even more punished for following the rules.

Because of this and my foolish hope of getting Käärijä to notice my sign asking for a tattoo, when a fan told me there were still tickets to the day show I ended up buying one for myself. (and so I ended up with yet another number being 38). More people slowly starting to arrive after that, and with the company the anxiety and sour taste in my mouth subsided slightly.

The dayshow would start at 3 pm, so we had been asked to be back at 1. The line however only started to form because we (the fans) got impatient at 1.30. Other than that the personnel did alright when double checking our numbers and I’d say getting inside seemed to go smooth and easy so cookie points for that at least.

The day event would be the first (and so far only) time I’ve gotten barricade (however I wouldn’t have it for long since I allowed two squeaks fourth of my height to stand in front of me – it was an all-ages show after all). I was standing next to @duekko a bit to the right of the stage yet still somewhat close to the middle and we had a lovely time waiting (and enjoying the concert) together I’d say.

The show itself was amazing- I loved seeing Jere fulfill all his Rammstein fanboy dreams with amazing outfits, outfit changes, pyro, smoke and silly gags. I especially enjoyed hearing People’s Champion (laughed my ass off seeing häärijä in the mushroom hat) live for the first time and the Tequila interlude and having the dancers around for Huhhahhei, Kot Kot (although in chicken costumes) and of course Cha Cha Cha was a treat.

The one thing that might have slightly made the experience less enjoyable for me was definitely my own fault. The barricade seemed miles away from the stage (to make space for pyro) and it was so dark that you could not see anything from the stage (I believe). That meant that no matter how much I tried it was definitely not going to work out with having Jere notice my sign. I did try both here and at the evening event yet I felt much more in the way and self conscious about it than I had hoped. So that slightly coloured my experience since I personally like to be as little aware of myself when I’m at a concert as possible. It also seemed that Jere were a bit nervous (understandably so) inbetween songs having to keep to a schedule yet as soon as the songs started he was back in performance mode and seemed to have a great time so that was lovely to see.

After the day show I got about an hour of queuing with people again which was lovely yet far from enough to speak to everybody I wanted to. A third little annoyance with the security arrived when we were lining up for the evening and then got the message to go inside 15 min before but just stay inside awkwardly in our queue until the doors opened for real. That truly was a strange experience and I have no idea what the security was thinking. Of course somebody in front started running as soon as we was allowed to move so to not getting stampeded everybody had to move. This whole chaos ended with me getting a way better spot than I’d imagined (third row a bit to the right yet still closer to the middle than in the day show). In some ways I think this spot was better than the day show at least in terms of the angle I was looking at the stage from.

The support band from the evening show was decent yet I am not sure they’d be added to my spotify playlist anytime soon. The evening show felt a lot like the day show just turned up to eleven with Erika joining for Rouska (as expected yet still very much appreciated) and songs like Rock Rock (the original version) and Menestynyt Yksilö being added to the setlist. Before Urheilujätkä (that was also being played at the day show) we held a little memorial for Hanna which made me teary eyed. We also got Cha Cha Cha twice this time which gave me big flash backs to the Europe tour which is only a good thing. (but yeah again my sign quest was a dud).

After the concert I was able to meet Aarni which was really cool (I went into big golden retriever puppy mode so by the off chance you are reading this Aarni, I am sorry for being so in your face x’D). I got a picture with him and gave him three stickers so he could give some to Jere and Häärijä (later in the evening I met him again and he confirmed that the boy had indeed gotten the stickers). My sidequest did cost me a setlist however but that is okay because Anniina (@formulalakana) got it instead which I am more than happy about (you may have seen it going around since it is the one with the Bojan picture at the bottom).

Joining the afterparty the first I did was finally buying that green hoodie I’d wanted since the Stockholm gig and then I went to buy water since I hadn’t really drunk anything since that morning. Sonny was the DJ of the evening and he played Käärijä songs – new, old, known and unknown – all evening. It was great hearing studio versions of People’s Champion and Ihan Sama yet also just hearing Morgan and Kovis being played on speakers at a club healed my soul.

I ended up joining the dancers just at the right time because 3-4 songs later Käärijä and crew joined the DJ booth to play a very spontaneous extra set for us. This was by far my favourite part of the evening because unlike the stadium shows the vibe was way more personal and intimate and heat of the moment. We bullied Jere into performing Kovis, we got the demo version of Cha Cha Cha, we got Ihan Sama and Punainen Marli. Heck, we even got to hear the new collab between him and Joost called Traffik! Everything seemed to go too well when suddenly a person behind me fainted and we immediately called for the show to stop. While it took a bit for the people on stage and security around to notice we were able to help the person (I really hope they are okay). I will give a few cookies to the security there as well – they seemed to react pretty quickly and professionally in this situation (they’d also actually been taking us seriously during the concert when asking for water unlike at Joker Out at Kulttuuritalo day 2 where we had to almost have people fainting before we were allowed water).

The DJ set ended in the most magical way because Jere decided to end with Paidaton Riehuja. Now I am a transmasculine person who like many transmasc kääryleet probably have a very strong connection to this song. Because of that I had been daydreaming about one day being lucky enough to be at a käärijä show where this song would play (preferably after my top surgery) so I could confidently and comfortably throw my shirt off and join Jere being shirtless and just feel the relief of not caring about my looks together with the wind on my chest. I had never imagined this would actually happen and definitely not here at Böle not even half a year into my hrt journey and pre op. Because of the rarity of the moment however I without thinking struggled my way through four layers of shirts to by the half way point of the song stand in only my sports bra howling with the little bit of the voice I had left. When the song was finished it hit me what I’d just done (for context: this is the first and only time I’ve willfully stripped down shirtless in public after coming out and the first time as long as I can remember I’ve been this unclothed and felt completely safe about it). I cried. And that is a first. I have never cried at a concert like that- always after the fact. So this is the one moment that make it so I think I will remember Böle forever. (I also cried at least two more times after exiting the dancefloor). Before exiting the danceflor however somebody next to me found a flower pin that they thought was mine (it wasn't) that I ended up taking with me home - so if anybody lost a flower that day (you can see it in the picture below) and what it back feel free to let me know :'D xD.

I stayed till the end of the evening chatting with new and old friends and dancing with strangers. I at one point saw Jesse yet was not fast enough to get over to meet him. I didn’t managed to meet everybody else yet heard about others having amazing moments with the guys which made me very happy for them (even if I myself also felt a bit sad that it hadn’t been me but you cannot get everything).

In the end I’d say Käärijä was a good first gig for the venue yet there are things they can definitely approve such as their ability to communicate and stick to what they have put out there as the official rules to make it the fairest for everybody involved.

As always I thank all of you for the amazing stickers, bracelets and other gifts I got this evening!!! (I got 23 bracelets which has definitely broken the last record which was held by Joker Out in Helsinki day 2). It was amazing meeting you all, taking pictures with you, getting excited with you, dancing and laughing with you and just overall sharing this amazing time together.

For the ones that are curious I did manage to get my tattoo appointment rescheduled for Sunday (that will probably be its own post) and because of that I also had time to add in a spontaneous tattoo to celebrate the milestone that is me being comfortable enough to take off my shirt first time in public. The rest of the trip in Helsinki was spend going on a Käärijä related solo tourist tour that you may-may not have seen me post about already.

Thank you for reading this gig report and I hope to see some of you again in July.  

[andtheirmoonlight]

Seeing all of the sad cha chas... Okay... Please look past your emotions, your ingrained competitiveness, the interviews and the veneer and the PR and consider cold hard facts.

Normally, the country that wins Eurovision takes on most of the expenses for hosting the next contest. It's a buttload of money, and very little time. For small countries with low levels of corruption and high levels of accountability, this buttload can eat into the budget.

Most of them do NOT want to win; it's practical and viable not to win. The countries that are actively trying to win *cough*russia *cough cough* are often corrupt and thus are also counting on laundering money *cough* sochiolympics *hacking fit*.

You've probably heard that the contest is 'political'. Thing is, the lion's share of this political part is not things like Greece and Armenia making out in public every year, no. It's the deciding behind the scenes who will pay up next year — and the jury acting accordingly. Sweden has a huge anniversary next year. Half a century ago ABBA happened. I assure you, Sweden agreed to pay. Buckled up, took a deep breath in, and agreed to win. They are already engaged in organizing, and probably have been for some time, which is awesome for all of the regular folk involved, because, you know, there's a lot of them, it's a lot of work and very little time.

As someone who worked as staff during Eurovision, I can confirm that it's daunting and a crazy hassle and the organizational part is pure nightmare. Although mostly it's just friggin' expensive. In the eyes of the organizers, behind the scenes, the country that wins is not so much a winner, but more like someone condemned. Like a guy who lost the bet and has to pay for all of the rounds of all of the drinks while also being the designated driver. The worst part used to be, the winning performer was sometimes blamed instead of being honored and congratulated: they might act jubilant in public, they might then get hugged and honored by regular folk ... and then proceed to endure some of the worst shit behind the scenes. More often than not, this singer then fades into obscurity, if enough moneybags are mad.

While the runner-up, if they actually know what's what, will act sad in public, before the press, sure, but inwardly there will be nothing but relief. This is called diplomacy, and this is called PR, and it's called show business.

By now you know Eurovision as unhinged, bright, queer, full of joy. Thing is, initially the 'insane', as functionaries called them, acts were sent as representatives specifically to lose. Then someone else saw it as a viable tactic, and someone else, and someone else, and, voila, what you know today as Eurovision. I repeat: the aim to NOT win made Eurovision into what it is now.

By being mad about your fav not winning, you are missing the point, one that, incidentally, your fav is not missing at all. The point: winning is not what matters or should matter, especially in this case (you should watch Ted Lasso, by the way). First place is not everything the best result for a performer that you love is losing the overall vote, but winning the audience vote. It's like all of the cake without any of the uuuh paying for the cake. You love the guy? Yes. You feel sad and indignant and will continue supporting the guy and listening to the new stuff? Yes. If anything, even more now, because you feel like he's been done dirty (nope). Is the guy being shamed at home? No, he's being sent love and hugs and gratitude. Do not cry for Finland. Finland will be graciously sending org volunteers to Sweden soon, because Sweden's volunteers are gon' get swamped and will cry on the floor hating everything.

The other point being, capitalism is unfair, yes, but events like that do not spring up in an open field via magic, and involve crazy money, time, and a huge amount of people working their asses off.

*puts on some Mahmood* mmmmmm runner-up.

[bitchapalooza]

Random Hetalia headcanons

Veneziano is that person who will straight up drink pickle juice, hell you could hand him a whole jar of pickles and he’d sit there contently eating pickles as a snack.

In contrast, Romano will fucking hurl, he really hates the smell of pickles and the juice just makes it worse. He can eat them just fine but they HAVE to be an ingredient in something, can’t eat them alone.

England is a licensed doctor but he hasn’t practiced in over 50 years. Don’t. Don’t let him give you medical advice… it’s pretty outdated…

Finland is an overpacker

Finland finds the rise of the guardians Santa Clause hot and Sweden is kind of, very oddly, jealous over this… but doesn’t blame him, he also finds him attractive.

Prussia can’t swim but that doesn’t stop him from diving into the deep end, drowning, coming back to life and doing it all over again. Like a dumbass.

Cuba has teleported into Area 51, somewhere America isn’t even permitted, and continuously hangs this fact over America’s head. I mean Cuba was arrested and interrogated and didn’t actually see anything, but still he got to go to a top secret location and getting to brag about it is an incredible feeling.

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2024: #34

34. CYPRUS Silia Kapsis - "Liar" 15th place

Decade Ranking: 128/153 [Above Benny, below Reiley]

15th place? Generous. Good floordrops only get you so far if that's the ONLY thing you've got.

Every year there's a few acts that I thought just plain sucked, and yet can't really muster feelings of dislike for. Like, what's the point of putting in the effort of emoting if I can simply choose to focus my attention on better, worthier songs? They're shit, but that's their problem, not mine.

And that awkward little spot where those acts go is also where dear young Sillia lands. "Liar" is bad, I think we all agree? Laurel Barker still hasn't shown her busted face since "Sober" (GOOD.) but her spirit lives on in mediocre, poorly written girlbops with no substance, and this season had multiples of those. "Liar" stood out the worst to me by virtue of, well, not really standing out at all, other than for its horrible libretto.

CUZ YOU'RE A LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR YEAH YEAH YEAH YOU LIE IE IE IE YEAH YEAH YEAH

that THIS is a chorus of a Eurovision FINALIST. 😳 Futhermore the lyrics also rhyme "oolala" with "truth la la" (okay this one is ACTUALLY funny) and present Silia as some sort of... intrusive busybody calling out pther people's adultery and philandering? I suppose it's a little LESS scuffed than have Isaiah Firebrace hone his gaslighting, uglycrying and concern trollery skills at the same age. But if you're going to tweak the narrative in function of her being a minor, and attempt to steer her away from sexualization, then perhaps don't style her in a top that accentuates her cleavage? And don't end with this:

(always a telltale sign of a losing battle when you have to splice THAT into a song/act that doesn't call for it just to get a Q.)

Unlike a Nutsa or a Sarah, you can't quite say that Silia was at the top of the performance game. She was a 17 year old with limited on-stage experience, and it showed. She had memorized her stupid lines and rehearsed her stupid TikTok dances and delivered both as flat and robotic as one does when they go through the motions. The Dance Break lmao what the FUCK was this epileptic seizure:

If you want a true Performative Piece emulating a neurotic disorder, got tho say Il Senso did it better.

"SHARP. BLADES. OF. TIME. CUTS. THE. SPACE. :twitches: " 😍

Silia was in the Reiley zone where nothing she did was particularly bad but also none of the things she did were objectively good, and it balances out in blandness. It was all just a little bit too much "Participation Trophy" material, which is the Cypriot special by now. Btw, did you know it is a Greek hand-me-down? ("Liar" starts at 0:59)

That's right, this was the song that lost to "WHAT THEY SAY" and then tried to fight its loss in court and lost the appeal. This song is so embarrasing it lost in an internal selection to Victor Vernikos.

Ofc behind all of this lay a huge shitstorm of a selection with Cyprus planning to do an NF on Greek soil based on a format ERT had planned and trashed sometime in the past. Greece found out and threatened to blank Cyprus completely if they appropriated their NF concept, which forced Cyprus to recruit another Australian and contact Kontopoulos who still had "Liar" in his folder, with the hopes that the badness would fly under the radar.

But don't worry Cyprus repaid Greece by ranking Eden ahead of Marina in the jury vote. 🙂 I wouldn't blame the Greeks if they invaded and annexed (or bribed the Turks to do it for them) 🙂

So yeah, Cyprus made the final. Unfortunate because it rewards an entry that deliberately plays lowest base on several levels. I suppose I would find Liar's advancement offensive in most cases, but like... it's semi 1. Half of the acts in that shitshow deserved to get the boot including Silia yes, and all five acts that were eliminated, so whatevs. Do we really care which shitty acts made it in, if at least three of them were advancing anyway, idfts. Finland was the only one I wanted to see dead (not literally. i think.) and that was never happening in a full televote from that second half.

Besides, the finale had a much bigger fish to fry, and Cyprus's generous-AF 15th place overall (reminder: this is the same placement Maraaya and Zalagasper got in WORSE finals) feels like such a trifle in comparison. So, I'm FINE with ranking her barely into yellow today. Pray that we're spared more degenerative nonsense from this clown country next year if there's a next yeah and and if Poseidon doesn't make the disrespectful island sink into the sea for its many crimes against Marina Satti.

THE RANKING

[council-of-beetroot]

What are some Hetalia HC's that are not your own that you really love? and what are some that you over 9000% hate?

Headcanons I love and have adopted

These book headcanons for Prussia link here

the idea of Gil acting as a sort of big brother figure to Raivis

vegan Gil is the best and I'm so glad Kasia told me that headcanon

Ivan is good with small children but can't stand teenagers

Liet and Finland are the most vulgar in their native languages

There's so many that i have justification adopted and accepted as canon

Headcanons I dislike

Making Ivan's actions justified by the past. That's his perception but it isn't a valid rationalization all nations have suffered. (In a way this kind of ties in to my long thoughts I've had about him being an alcoholic as this is something a lot of alcoholics do. They justify themselves and they often blame the fact that they've pushed away the people around them on the people they've pushed away through their actions.)a

In a similar vein woobifying Arthur somehow please,tell me how has he actually suffered????

Any America or Nyo America was burned at the stake headcanons

Sadık hating cats

I'm sorry all of Asia you get so done dirty by fans

Please don't make Feliks a brony

[fitzrove]

you venting abt ur career is so valid btw. shows us dumbasses that we're not alone <3 nimim. menisin matlulle mut niiden työllisyysaste on matalampi kuin valtsikan 😭😂

Thank 😭😭😭😭💖💖💖

Yeah it's crazy how Finnish STEM and business people are actually pretty much as or sometimes more unemployed than everyone else??!! Even though ppl online on reddit and Jodel always "victim-blame" social science and humanities graduates 💀 I know someone in Finland who switched from physics to polsci and has much better prospects in their current field vs before 😭

Idk I really hope we can all eventually find "adult" jobs that pay enough to live on & feel like they're actually contributing to something good in society haha. I think my student job right now absolutely is that, which is a good first step 🥹