#ooops I kind of got going and forgot to sleep

[sanjerina]

THIS 👆

I work in a therapy program where at least half of the teens we see have some form of complex trauma. In adolescents and young adults, the presenting problems often include:

- existing diagnoses for what LOOKS LIKE (but is not always) ADHD and/or autism spectrum disorders. This especially includes problems with short-term memory, emotional regulation, rejection sensitivity, and poor impulse control; oppositionality or a previous diagnosis of ODD;

- anxiety (especially generalized anxiety with panic, or sometimes social anxiety); usually connected to avoidance, like poor school attendance, personal isolation, etc.

- depression or depressive symptoms like anhedonia (not enjoying enjoyable things). lack of motivation, exhaustion, hopelessness, and/or irritability;

- suicidal ideation, or a wish for the world to just stop or slow down;

- body image and/or eating disorders; self-harm behaviors; extreme risk-taking behaviors;

- poor sense of self — this can be not having a sort of central concept of a stable self, or drastically poor self-esteem; not believing one is a person who is worthy of love and care

- all this may or may not include the other symptoms we associate with “traditional” PTSD , like hypervigilance, hair-trigger temper, nightmares/flashbacks, etc.

- a person might meet some or all of the diagnostic criteria to “officially” have one of these diagnoses, but honestly, what’s really happened is that a chronic sense of chaos or imminent danger has left the brain in survival mode through multiple important developmental milestones.

(That’s why it is particularly difficult to diagnose in childhood/adolescence — if the developmental process that regulates your attention is busted due to trauma, in what way(s) is that different from “real” ADHD? And so on.)

Children with C-PTSD are at significant risk for borderline traits or for developing a borderline presentation or a personality disorder as they age, but it is NOT A GIVEN. There is some really cool work being done now on understanding how shoring up early damage can prevent continuing serious mental illness down the line. That said, it is NEVER too late to start. A borderline personality disorder diagnosis does not mean you are irretrievably broken.

There is also no given “safe” amount of trauma that we know an average person can withstand. The definition of trauma that people who work with C-PTSD use is “something emotionally overwhelming for which you have no context or control.”

Infants can be traumatized when they are removed from their parents, but it’s not a given. Children can be traumatized by growing up in a chaotic home life, but it’s not a given. One person is not “tougher” than another. It’s the amount of control and context the person can access at the time the thing happens, and then what is done to complete the stress cycle after the distressing event.

And if you’re thinking “that’s stupid, practically everybody would have C-PTSD with these criteria” — YEAH, bro. Probably says something about how screwed up stuff is lately.

The best treatments we have are DBT and DBT-based group therapy; regular movement and sensory-based interventions (especially going outside and being in natural spaces); mindfulness, meditation, and/or yoga; somatic and play therapies, especially for children; regular food and sleep (I say, ironically typing this at 2am); reliable, consistent structure; humor and storytelling in a safe context; music, art, acting, dance, and writing/speaking your truth. Not all of these work for everyone. But something probably will.

Medication works to manage symptoms for many people. People who have specific, concrete trauma(s) piled up can benefit from therapies like EMDR and neurofeedback.

If you have C-PTSD, you likely missed developmental milestones, as @ramshacklefey said above. I’m really sorry. You did not deserve any of this. And you can learn to manage it. Really.

Folks have got to understand that they probably aren't messed up by some Secret Big Trauma that they just can't remember; but rather by a million tiny microtraumas that they do mostly remember but don't even register as traumatic because nobody actually understood that these things would cause trauma, much less stack on each other over the years.

[abbynx]

Momma Bear and Mother Bear

Emilia Harcourt with a sweet and motherly S/O

Genre: Romantic Headcanons, fluff, a little sprinkle of angst

Warning: Thought of losing someone

A/N: I use the term mother to refer to the reader, but that does not necessarily represent ones gender— I'm referring more into the motherly role the reader possesses. Okay? Okay.

- Starting off this headcanon, pre-tss and you're a long time member of Argus and had already established yourself as one of the people Amanda Waller deems a vital piece. With your psychology, hand to hand combat, proficiency with a wide arsenal of weapons, and a bit of a medic on the side. Her only problem with you was your softness.

- At first the blonde looked down at you for being outwardly expressing your concerns, none knows whether she's projecting on you or not— but all they know is that she always tells you to not switch your heart with your mind.

- Emilia found herself developing a soft spot for you after you would look after her and how much of a sweetheart you are in general. It took time for her to allow herself to be vulnerable with you, but once you've proven yourself, she doesn't hesitate to let down her walls to let you in. She thinks every team or person could use a Y/N in their lives and that is how proud she is of you.

- She fell for your kind nature and how it is second nature for you to attend to those who are in need. She's quite shocked as to why you're in this line of career when you could be a preschool or something. She felt as if she's a person to you and not just liked because of her appearance.

-It took her awhile to get used to you being caring, but she got the hang of it and tries her best to reciprocate that care. As sometimes you are too absorbed serving others that you forget yourself, she is certain you take care of yourself too.

- Though occasionally, she rolls her eyes at you when you fuss about the littlest of things. Emilia forgot to drink water that day? Ooops, you're shoving a bottle of water in her face. John Economos eating nothing but chips? Suddenly you're pulling out a homemade lunch from your pocket. How do manage to be that prepared? Emilia accidentally tore her shirt? Bam, suddenly you're equipped with a sewing kit and lending her your jacket so you can fix her top. Harcourt doesn't know how you're doing it, but she is impressed.

- She knows you're a capable fighter, but you have moments where your kindness is taken advantage of. It's something you fought about on numerous occasions, and she's just scared that one day she will lose you because of your soft-hearted nature. She loves you for it, but she really is afraid of losing you because of it. By that, she always wants to fight alongside you to ensure your safety. She claims that you are a great fighting companion, but she's protective of you.

- Don't tell anyone, but she clings onto you when sleeping. She denies it, but she really does. Holding onto you in her sleep provides her a certain security at the fact no one is going to snatch you away.

- Your relationship is on the low-key side of things, the two of you agreed not to be excessively lovey dovey with each other on public— causing a few mishaps that occurs from time to time. The amount of people Emilia had to ward off away from her is astronomical, so I hope you're not the jealous type.

- By this, a lot of people thought you two are merely close friends. Because ya know, friends always hold hands in public, wear matching outfits, share a bed, are always tucked away in a corner to themselves talking smack about people. One time a coworker saw you out in a diner and instantly thought, "Aww, I wish I had a friend that hangs out with me on Sundays."

- Okay but the reason why your relationship is partially concealed is the fact that either of you will be targeted for that very reason. So it was best for the two of you to keep it on the down low.

- The bet from the beginning of Gunn's The Suicide Squad wherein she won quite the hefty amount, she was thinking about taking you out on a date and perhaps buy you a gift with the price money... Unfortunately, she had no time for that when the mission Corto Maltese went South.

- There comes the point where your superior Amanda Waller was demanding the Task Force X to stand down. Emilia was holding you down like her life depended on it, because there is no way in hell you are dying in her watch. Do not get her wrong, she feels sorry for the innocents there, but she just can't bear to lose you. Thankfully, someone else did the job.

- The event that followed after the success of the mission, you were told the death of a dear friend, Colonel Rick Flag. Emilia sat with you the whole night, holding you close. He was like a brother to you, as you look up to him for being a hero. God knows how would Miss June Moon would react to the news of her lover's death.

- We fast forward to the Peacemaker series, where you would be serving your punishment by serving under Clemson Murn to fulfill Operation Butterfly. You weren't thrilled by the prospect of it, but you weren't as much of a downer as your Emilia and John Economos.

- Adebayo instantly found the warmth of a welcome from you, being your kind natured self, she felt more comfortable and immediately warmed up to you... Unlike the others, who are unnecessarily dismissive of her, something you scold them for.

"Can you two not be a bunch of meanies?"

"What are you, five?" Harcourt says through laughs, whilst John cackles behind her.

You roll your eyes at them, before pointing your apologetic gaze at Leota, who only gave you an unsure shrug and an awkward smile.

- The meeting with Chris. Oh boy. Five months after the mission in Corto Maltese, and you have not forgotten about it. Not only that, you immediately took notice of his interest to your girlfriend. It was not jealousy speaking (whatever makes you sleep peacefully at night), it was concern. She has already outright told him to fuck off and you were just looking out for her. Emilia, as much as she is amused at you, she assures you she can handle herself.

- You're pissed, sure, but you hold yourself on a civil and professional manner despite all that. Even if Chris always takes a lot of hurtful jabs at your direction, calling you names. Those names: MILF, momma bear, goody-two-shoes. Emilia is annoyed on your behalf.

"Hey what's up, MILF—"

"It's L/N to you, asshole." Harcourt directs a murderous glare at Smith.

- The first mission wouldn't be until a day or three, you decided to rest after the meeting at the Fennel Fields. Harcourt decided to go out in a nearby pub and you let her be. You thought she wouldn't be back until later.

"Back so soon?" You tilted your head to receive a peck from your girlfriend.

"Yeah. The asshole refuses to fuck off." She sighs in frustration, before crashing beside you. "I don't know how you can keep your cool at these type of situation. If I were you, I'd knock the shit outta them."

"Is there... Something I can do to make you feel better?"

You were innocently posing that question, thinking perhaps buying her beer from the nearby store would help her to loosen her nerves... She got the an idea and looked up with that look. You soon caught up and allowed yourself to be pulled down. I'll let your imagination do the rest.

- Like I said, the first mission wouldn't be in a day or three... Until Harcourt received a phone call at midnight, waking you both up. Chris was caught up in a predicament that lead that two of you rushing out the motel, picking up clothes on your way out from the rush. You failed to notice the mark Emilia left on your neck was visible until she pointed it out whilst she was on the phonecall. She was secretly smirking as you rush back to the motel to fetch a scarf to cover it up.

- Shenanigans were done, Murn was yelling at Chris for leaving the dossier out in the open. You would have volunteered to be Chris: medic, until John got it covered. So you just stood there, dumbfounded at Chris' actions.

- Now, first official mission— spying on Senator Goff and his family. In preparation of the mission, you met the chaos that is Vigilante, peeking behind a trashcan. Your relationship with him would be mostly you being an impulse control. He claims that he wouldn't listen to you, until he sees both you and Harcourt glaring at him, then he finally obeys.

- "May I help you?" "Hey! Get outta here!" You and your girlfriend say in unison. If there's a moment where your dynamic with her is defined, this is one of the moments.

- When the time came to kill the family, Emilia immediately sensed your empathy for them. She noted herself to reassure them that they butterflies to make you feel better.

- After the mission, where everyone sustained injuries, you were immediate and helped everyone patch up. Of course, Emilia was your first priority.

"I'm glad you're okay, Harcourt. Hit your head harder and I'm afraid you wouldn't wake up again." You whisper lowly, handing her an ice pack before attending to Chris.

"I'm just thankful you weren't the one held hostage." You paused from your work, glancing behind your shoulder to see Harcourt smiling wholeheartedly at you. She snaps out of her lovestruck trance upon noticing everyone staring at the two of you. "If you were the one they got, you would have fucked it up."

The moment was ruined and you light-hearted smile disappears and contorts to disappointment, dabbing Chris' injuries with a heavy hand despite his whinings.

- Maybe Chris sensed something from the two of you, but just can't put a finger on what it is. He chalks it up to the two of you being besties.

- You're the person that Murn doesn't need to worry about— you're a voice of reason and a glue that keeps the group together... It's just that some of them does not listen to you, much to his dismay.

- As for everyone in the team, they are glad you have their backs regardless of they treat you. Sometimes Emilia thinks having your heart in your sleeves concerns her and snaps at you for it. John is a sarcastic little shit who jabs at you. Chris is... Chris. Adrian is a stubborn nut. Leota is a stubborn nut. Murn can come off harsh. But in the end, you're just glad to be of service to them.

- Leota senses your relationship with Emilia is deep, John knows you have a thing going on but never says it out loud, Murn couldn't care less, and both Chris and Adrian are oblivious and thought that the two of you are just the best of friends.

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

Love Notes and Orange Roses

Summary: Maven receives an anonymous love declaration on Valentine’s Day.

Notes: Ooops, sorry this came out late

Read it on ao3

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

She had completely forgotten the date.

Valentine’s Day had never meant much to her. No one in her family was used to celebrating it, so, not without reason, she forgot it was coming.

She, however, had her attention brought to the fact when she was getting ready to close off the library. She had been putting a few books back in place when a small piece of paper fell from between the pages of an illustrated book on botany. Maven let out a small hum of surprise before crouching down and picking the paper up. She had imagined it would be some sort of makeshift bookmark that one of the library’s patrons had forgotten inside the book, but, to her surprise, there was a small text written with a blue pen and a clear handwriting in it. And it was directed at her.

Dear Maven, it said, I hope that when you find this, it will still be Valentine’s Day. And I ask that you forgive me, because even though I’m completely smitten with everything about you, I don’t have the courage to tell you this, at least not until I know more about you. But I won’t let this stop me from letting you know that, on this Valentine’s Day, someone is thinking about you.

The librarian rolled her eyes. If she was being honest to herself, the letter was quite cute, but there was only one person from whom she’d like to receive a love declaration, and everything about their relationship hinted that she didn’t want anything other than friendship.

Instantly, Maven’s cell phone vibrated with a message from said person, and she smiled as she took it from her skirt’s pocket and read it. Apparently, Hilda was going to sleep at a friend’s house, and Johanna thought it would be a great opportunity to invite the librarian over for dinner. Well, Maven couldn’t say she disagreed, even though she quite liked Hilda’s presence and had eaten with the two of them many times.

She had to admit she felt very honoured with the invitation. Of all the people Johanna could ask to spend Valentine’s Day with, she chose her. Of course, Maven was under no illusion that this wasn’t a “we’re both single so let’s hang out together” sort of event, but the woman had other friends. To be her first option felt like a victory of sorts.

Her phone went back to her pocket, and so did the love letter. She turned the volume of her earphones up, humming under her breath and anticipating the night’s encounter.

The note, however, was completely forgotten.

_#_#_#_

She heard that people would often gift their friends on Valentine’s Day, especially if they didn’t have a significant other. It wouldn’t be weird, she told herself as she held a long stemmed rose, one with yellow petals with orange tips, and shifted her weight from one foot to the other, waiting for Johanna to answer to her knocks.

When the door finally opened, Maven’s first reaction was to smile and try to form the words “good evening”. But she failed miserably at that simple task. As soon as the librarian caught sight of how beautiful Johanna looked, with a pink dress and a dark yellow sweater, Curls loose and apparently even more shiny than usual, she was rendered incapable of speech.

Damn, she really should have stopped home to change.

“Maven! I’m so glad you came!” Johanna chirped, being her usual happy self, even though Maven has the subtle feeling that there was something nervous about her today. Was that a blush on her cheeks?

“I brought this.” Maven said and lifted the rose to Johanna, in an attempt to salvage the situation and avert the woman’s attention from the fact that she’d been admiring her.

And now it was definitely a blush on Johanna’s cheeks. She stared at the rose just long enough to make Maven wonder if she’d screwed things up before muttering a soft “oh”, and raising her hand to take the rose from her fingers.

She ran her fingers through the petals for a short moment, but then she looked up sharply at her friend, a small crease between her brows. “Did you get my-“

“Text?” Maven finished for her. “Yeah, I did. Thank you for inviting me over, Anna.”

She blushed even harder, though Maven felt that this time it wasn’t the good sort of blush. “It’s nothing.” She said with her eyes cast down upon the rose again.

Then she seemed to remember something and looked up once more, moving away from the doorway. “Come on in! I’m making us pasta!”

The librarian followed her lead and entered the house, hanging her cape on the coat rack by the door while Johanna closed it again.

“That’s not very fair. You invite me over and cook for me? You should have at least told me to buy the ingredients!”

Johanna chuckled at her silliness, looking at Maven with open affection on her face.

“Oh, Maven, you brought yourself!” She tilted her head to the side. “And that’s more than enough.”

_#_#_#_

The librarian hadn’t imagined Johanna would be such a great cook, but she was. Maven had eaten all she could without being considered impolite, and promised that one day she’d repay the woman by cooking one of her mother’s dishes for her. Johanna had looked excited with the idea, so Maven was already making a mental list of things that would need to be bought for the occasion.

After they finished, Maven insisted on helping with the dishes, to which Johanna protested tirelessly, even as they let go of their cardigans and washed the cutlery together. She argued that she could do that later, but the librarian had none of it. Eventually, Johanna accepted her fate and began telling Maven about her day and her work projects.

“What about yours?” She asked when she was finished, taking a freshly washed pan from Maven’s hands in order to dry it.

“Oh, it was normal. I’m reading this very interesting book, though…”. Just as she began to say it, she remembered something even more interesting to talk about.

“No, wait! Something did happen. I got an anonymous love declaration!”

Johanna seemed to begin to scrub the pan more vigorously at that. “Oh, really?” She asked, her voice sounding somewhat strained.

“Yeah, it was in one of the books. Really smart idea, but kind of… annoying, you know?”

Johanna cleared her throat and crouched down to store the pan away in the cupboard under the sink. “You didn’t like it, then?” She asked, sounding sad though Maven couldn’t guess why.

“It was… cute, I guess. I liked the way it was worded. But in the society we live in.” She shrugged. “It was probably a man. I’m not interested.”

She heard a sharp intake of breath from beside her and wondered if perhaps she shouldn’t have said that. She had never talked to her friend about her orientation, but that was mostly because the matter had never come up. She trusted Johanna would be very accepting of her, but she could’ve just made a serious mistake.

“So you… like girls, then?”

She pretended to be very interested in the fork she was washing instead of looking at her. “Yeah, I do.”

She felt Johanna’s eyes burning her face, the woman having stopped what she was doing to look at her. Yes, this had probably been a mistake. She should have kept silent. Trying to make herself look smaller, she asked “Is there any problem?” And lifted her gaze to Johanna, only to be completely astonished at the sight of a shining smile on her face.

Johanna chuckled, but then she seemed to notice the state of distress in which her friend was in. She took the librarian’s wet hands in her own, making her drop the fork into the sink, and stepped even closer.

“Of course there isn’t, Maven.” She said, hints of laughter still on her speech. “This is… this is the opposite of a problem.”

Before Maven could even process what was going on, Johanna’s lips had found her and her mind had gone completely blank for everything except the feel of them pressed against each other. When they pulled back a moment later, their lips were still tingling with the gentle touch.

Maven’s gaze switched between Johanna’s smiling face and their joined hands, still trying to understand what was going on when Johanna sighed in exasperation.

“Maven?” She asked, making sure that the librarian’s focus was on her words. “Do you know what is the meaning of the rose you brought? Yellow with orange tips?”

She blinked at the unexpected question and tried to think back to what the florist had told her, and then blushed when she did remember. “Excitement, energy, and… friendship deepening to love.”

She lowered her gaze once more, fully expecting Johanna to say “sorry, but this was a mistake” any time now. But instead, Johanna gently lifted her head with a finger under her chin, drawing her attention to her warm, brown eyes.

“I was the one who wrote the note.” She whispered into her lips, right before she kissed her again.

Oh.

That really was the opposite of a problem.

[scandinaviacroatiaengbergs]

Monday: Train Ride from Gothenburg to Copenhagen and Dinner with a Friend

We had no trouble getting up and at ‘em on Monday morning in Askim (outside Gothenburg), well, I should say Eric and I didn’t.  The kids needed to be woken up.  They were really dragging, Rowan in particular.  He was so zonked out in his little room and was the last to get up and eat the yogurt we’d gotten him.  I do believe the standard-sized individual yogurts in Sweden are larger than they are in the U.S., just for the record. The night before, we’d bought two fruit-on the-bottom yogurts for the kids and they were very delicious.

After yogurt-eating, we got the car all loaded up and drove to the Volvo Customer Experience Center, or some such name, where we’d picked it up in the first place.  I mentioned a few things about our drop-off in the previous post.  In all, the drop-off experience was smooth, as all we had to do was give them our key, give them the mileage, and sign a few things. Then, they had a cab take us to the Gothenburg train station, and we were there with over thirty minutes to spare before our train, enough to go into the terminal and get some snacks, since the train we were going to be riding on was not as nice of a train as the one we’d been on a few days before, which had a cafe car (which we didn’t use, but it was there).

I know I mentioned how stressful it had been getting our seats all sorted out on the train, as there were no accurate numbers above the seats.  One of the cabin staff helped us, and told us that we were actually standing in the bay of seats that happened to be ours. We had to shuffle around a bit with a Swedish mom and her teenage son and two women from (it sounded like) Australia, but everyone was super nice, and once we got all of our luggage stowed and got seated, we were relieved, and settled in for the 3.5-hour train ride ahead.  It was slower, because it was a train with like 18 stops.  There were no express trains at that time of day. On the train, we did a lot of looking out the window, since the train was traveling south, adjacent to the sea, to Copenhagen (which, if you didn’t know, has about four different spellings). We arrived at 2:30 and it took us a while to navigate through the Copenhagen Central Station and get to the bathroom (which was a pay-to-use situation) and get a cab, since there are no  Ubers in Copenhagen. Once we got in our cab, it was smooth sailing from there – ooops, sort of; I forgot that when we got to our Airbnb, we followed the instructions to get the key from the lock box across the street, with we found with no trouble, but the lock box was empty! We reached the host by phone and he said their cleaner was sick, so he came over, let us in, helped us get our bags in the apartment, and then he went and got the cleaner, brought him over, and said we could come back in a few hours.  During that time, we did a walk and popped in a few shops, bought a bottle of wine to take to our friend who was having us over for dinner, and then stopped at one of those fitness playgrounds, on the campus of the University of Copenhagen.  There was some guy doing parkour there and he was really pretty awesome, and we joked that he should be on “People are Awesome,” which is a YouTube channel (I know Eric and the kids like to watch it, but I call it “People are Stupid,” because of all of the high-risk, insane feats of human athleticism it shows).  The parkour dude asked Eric to film his little routine, which included many flips from piece of equipment to piece of equipment.  We regret that we didn’t take a clip with our own phones. We walked through the Horticultural Garden at the University of Copenhagen and hung out for a bit with the very aggressive ducks.  Since it was a sunny, beautiful day  there, there were so many people in that garden, and a ton of babies. It was very beautiful.  We walked from there in a loop back to our place and we went up and I took a quick shower.  Out friend Peter was going to pick us up at 5:15 to take us over to his place for dinner.  Peter went to high school with us for a year; he was an exchange student and he and Eric have stayed in touch.  From Facebook, Eric had noticed that he and Peter have a lot in common with their outdoorsy ways.  So, they had plenty to talk about.  

Before I tell you about our dinner, though, I want to describe our Airbnb.  It was on the fourth floor of a six-floor building, and its stairs were much easier to navigate than the deathtrap-style stairs in the Oslo apartment, which curved and had a really low railing, like below Eric’s hips, so it might have been passible to topple over and go “splat” on the ground floor.  Annnnyway, the Copenhagen apartment was a family’s apartment, and I booked it because they had kids who had toys – always a plus when booking an Airbnb.  And once again, as always happens in places with toys, the kids could’ve stayed there happily fo 48 hours doing nothing but playing with those toys.  But, alas, we had to go to dinner. But, what a dinner it was and what a home!  So, I don’t want to gush about Peter and his wife’s home too much because that’s probably tacky, but I will say that Eric had a hunch that Peter had considerable means, because they follow each other on Strava and Eric could see that one week, Peter would be cross-country skiing in Switzerland, and another, running in Thailand.  So, he is a private-equity investment banker and his wife is a marketing professional for a Danish beer company and their home was just gorgeous and huge and had a large yard – and was, mind you, in the center of Copenhagen. Their backyard had an in-ground trampoline, a sandbox area, a play house, some weird child-pedal-truck kind of vehicle that Rowan loved, a slide, and a big disc tree swing.  After a while outside, their 5-year-old daughter took Rowan and Cece inside to her dress-up area and then her play-room and, man, our kids would not have been disappointed, I don’t think, if we just left them there for the remainder of this trip. It was such a treat to get to catch up with Peter and meet his wife and hang out with them for the evening.  They will be in Albuquerque in October for the Balloon Fiesta, so we’re hoping to repay their generosity when they’re there and have them over, as Eric stressed kind of chuckling, for salmon, because that is what I seem to always make for guests ;) Once we got home, it was after 9:00, but the kids wanted to revisit their play with all of the toys in the apartment.  We allowed them to do that for about ten minutes and then we had to get them to bed.  They both fell asleep nearly instantly. Overnight, I actually had a really hard time sleeping, partially because the pillow was super soft and I have been having all kinds of crazy pain in my right scapula for like the last six weeks, so the super flat, feather pillow situation did not help. I am not sure what would.  It was also pretty humid. But, I eventually fell asleep and then we got up the next morning earlier than we would have liked because Cece got up.  The kids played for a few hours and then we started on our journey to Tivoli Gardens for a few hours of fun! I was so excited to go there.  I actually hadn’t heard about it until this trip, but everyone asked me if we were going there when they learned we were going to Copenhagen: my dad asked, Eric knew about it, Ryley asked, Peter and his wife asked. I told the kids that, after seeing amusement park after amusement park in all the cities we visited, we’d go ride some rides at Tivoli, so Tuesday was the day we made that happen. In the next post, I will tell about our time at Tivoli, our walking through Copenhagen, and our evening at a little public pool on the riverside, which was all topped off with ice cream – finally.

[deepdarkwaters]

rules:

1. always post the rules.

2. answer the questions given by the person who tagged you.

3. write 11 questions of your own and tag 11 (or however many) people to answer them.

@futuredescending tagged me!

1. What is the nicest thing someone has done for you?

Pretty much anything fandom-related over my ~16 years of dedicated group fangirling. People who have never met before writing each other spectacular novels as gifts! People flying over oceans to come and visit just because several years ago you happened to realise you both liked fictional people sucking dicks in the same way! People posting silly little gifts to your house because "it made me think of [character] and [character] makes me think of you"!

2. Do you have NOTPs? If so, why are they NOTPs for you?

In this fandom, Eggsy/Roxy. I wrote it for an exchange once because I weirdly enjoy making myself write a pairing I don't like, I enjoy the challenge of forcing my brain to think about it in a way that bypasses my aversion, and I liked what I ended up with. But I don't read it and don't intend to write it again. It's nothing to do with it being eww het or whatever, I generally write all characters totally pansexual anyway just because I like the option of variety. They just don't work for me as anything except maybe FWBs. I love them so much as friends, I can't get behind a romance somehow.

3. Summarize the worst film/book/song/story you’ve ever read/watched.

Lights Out is the most shitty ugly film I've ever seen and it made me so angry I couldn't sleep after I saw it. ROAR. The trailer was nicely creepy so I was hoping for a decent horror film in the plague of utter duds we usually get, but nope instead we get this shitstain. It's about a depressed mother haunted by an evil demon thing that can only survive in the dark and flips out when her family tries to light the house up and get her to take her medication. She's the only thing tethering the demon thing to the world, it doesn't exist without her, so she kills herself at the end to save her family. ????? It's clearly a metaphor for her depression given its dependence on her and its aversion to the light and everything, so what, people living with depression are supposed to realise what miserable burdens they are to their family and fix things by checking out? The most stupid tone deaf film I've ever seen, it was just so impossibly ugly. I knew as soon as someone mentioned the mother-demon link thing that it was heading towards that ending, but I was holding out hope that nobody could possibly be that crass in 2016. Fuck that film and everybody involved.

4. What are some fandom/fic things that irrationally annoy you?

The phrase "pupils blown wide" makes me want to peel my skin off. It's probably not actually that much of a thing, it's just that when I first started reading Kingsman fic I had a couple of months' worth to gorge on all in one big chunk and I started noticing it EVERYWHERE simply because of the volume of filth I was consuming 23 hours a day. I've not noticed it much recently, I think we've all moved on. But for a while there it was hanging like a fart haze over Ao3 and ruining my life. Annoyingly, I've used it myself! In a real book people can buy on Amazon! VOMIT. I think it's one of those weird only-in-fandom phrases that somehow snags its claws into people's fics without anyone thinking much about it.

5. Write a summary for the fic you want to write but never will.

I started writing an AU of The Bodyguard for reel-kingsman a while ago, but never finished it and someone else claimed it this round! So that one's sort of lingering and probably won't happen any more, I've got too many WIPs to finish anyway and can't quite feel invested in newer things while I'm trying to get the rest finished by September. It had Eggsy as the Zayn-type character who's just left a massive boyband created on some X Factor kind of show, and Harry as the bodyguard hired to look after him who pretends he hates boybands but really he's still got mint condition Take That dolls in their boxes from the 90s and a Boyzone tattoo on his arse and he sits in his little hut sweatily watching Eggsy's audition video on Youtube all night.

6. Someone writes a story that perfectly hits all your buttons. That story includes: _____, ______, and _________.

Massive age difference, UST that feels like it's never going to end and just when you think it finally will IT ACTUALLY DOESN'T for another 90 pages, and lots and lots of kissing, bonus points if it's kissing + hair-touching.

7. I’m stealing @colinfilth’s question once asked on twitter bc it was SO GOOD: what is the fic one would write that clued your readers in that your identity had been stolen?

Relentless dark angst mpreg omegaverse same age AU deathfic with suave macho top Harry, Eggsy's dialogue written out phonetically, and Merlin's real name is something like Caomhainn or Eirdsidh.

8. Most embarrassing celebrity crush, past or present?

Meat Loaf around the time Bat 2 came out. I'm not embarrassed! But I've been informed that I should be.

9. How much research will you do for a fic? Wing it? Get lost in a wikipedia hole? Read actual books on a topic? Google translate? Get consulting with native speakers?

I'm too lazy to research. Plus I don't write much that's not character-driven fluff porn. I'd probably research more if I wrote plotty stuff, but my brain only seems to like over-described fight scenes and swoony romance. The only thing I really research is location if that's necessary, I like looking places up on google maps/street view to get a sense of what's going on around the characters.

10. The one thing the creator of your current fandom could do to kill your fandom love.

The creator is the least important person! Once a thing is out there and a fandom is building up around it, they completely cease to matter. Even if TGC is an absolute shitshow I wouldn't care - I've read and written so much fic that I'm pretty sure it's going to feel like Just Another Possibility to be accepted or ignored like everything else.

11. ETA: Ooops, forgot that 11th one. (I’ve had a lot of gin). Um. What are the songs that absolutely fit your faves to a T?

The Name of the Game by ABBA :P

I was an impossible case No one ever could reach me But I think I can see in your face There's a lot you can teach me

etc.

I'm feeling far too braindead to think up questions, but I would be grateful if anyone can explain to me in small simple words why a fictional adult person having fictional consensual enthusiastic sex with a fictional adult person deserves to be called paedophilia, because a very silly person is sniping at me anon about it and this shit is flying right over my head.

[kimpossiblygorgeous]

SaSa Hong Kong Beauty Haul: Asian Makeup & Skincare

I love traveling and I always tend to be in the I-want-more mood whenever a trip comes to an end, but sleeping in my own bed after nights of hugging an unfamiliar pillow is also the best thing ever so I don’t really mind doing the cycle over and over again. My mom, sister and I had the best time in Hong Kong last February (You didn’t know? You should definitely follow me on IG: @kimlmendoza. Teehee!), celebrating Valentine’s Day, eating far too many delicious (albeit stinky) street food, doing all touristy things, and of course, shopping.

I actually didn’t go too all out on that aspect as my mindset of “Experience > Things” is at its strongest when I’m traveling, nonetheless, there’s something about stepping a foot in a SaSa Store that has my fresh-from-ATM Hong Kong Dollars fervently wanting to leave my wallet. So yeah, this post is all about makeup and skincare items that came home in a hastily packed luggage with me – my SaSa Hong Kong Beauty Haul!

Bifesta Foaming Whip – I did my research beforehand and listed things I really need. Part of that list was a facial wash; I was firm in repurchasing Shiseido Perfect Whip because it’s such a good stuff but I saw that Bifesta’s new arrival is similar: foam and whip. Uncanny! So I went for the Bright Up variant and so far so good, it smells divinely citrus and a good everyday cleanser.

Guerisson 9 Complex Cream – I saw this in Japan, I ignored it. Saw it again in Korea, I passed by it. But finally, its bright orange packaging called my name in Hong Kong. To be honest, I know very few things about this cream. One is that it has a horsemeat by-product and second a lot of locals are hoarding it so you can see it everywhere in Hong Kong. I’ll do a review on this for sure!

Bourjois Healthy Mix Foundation & Concealer – The next two items were also on my researched list as these seem to be a favorite here in the blogosphere. But as far as first impressions go, I didn’t like them very much. Ooops! I only tried them for a few times (always hand in hand) and they slid every time. My blemishes are peeking through before the eight-hour mark. Any suggestions as to how I should set these? My shades are: 53 for the foundation and 52 for the concealer.

Sailor Moon Clear Compact Cheek Color – Okay, how pretty is this blush? This is the first item that grabbed my attention in the store. Because, duh, Sailor Moon. I mean, look at that pretty little compact! I can’t lie, I’m not in dire need of a peachy blush right now, but I couldn’t pass it up. I can’t want to play with it – or not. Just stare at it? Haha!

K-Palette Lasting 3Way Eyebrow Pencil – Fine, fine, I bought this because it’s Cinderella, my favorite Disney Princess. I let myself indulge considering I do my brows everyday. And I love K-Palette, with or without a special packaging.

Heroine Make Mascara & Mascara Remover Set – Funny Story: Of all the things I’d forgot, I didn’t remember to pack my handy mascara remover. My current mascara is extremely waterproof and I was already panicking if I should just give up wearing it for the whole trip. Then I remembered that I was in HK, not in some faraway island, and SaSa was just a few steps away from our hotel. Silly me! I got this set because it was such a great deal; for the price I paid, the remover almost came as free. Still, I slept with mascara on for one night.

Sexylook Disney Princess Mask – Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat? Who else here is a sucker for anything Disney? It was also not helping that my shopping day was after Disneyland day! I picked up: Cinderella (of course) for Baby Soft skin and Ariel for Hydration. Unlike the good ol’ facemasks, these are colored in Black. And I think it added some fun in the routine.

--

SaSa in Hong Kong was unquestionably an experience in itself, especially for tourists – shelves and shelves of Asian makeup and skincare brands. It was overwhelming as there’s so much to look at and even more to think through. I kind of wish I’d came in a little more prepared (I did last minute Googling), but oh well, Hong Kong is just two hours away and I’m delighted with what I got. Now it’s time to try find a place to store all these in my already brimming vanity area…

What are your favorite SaSa finds?

BLOGLOVIN  |  FACEBOOK  |  TWITTER

[caserobard]

All the questions you haven't answered ;)

lmao katie ilysm

this is hella long, answers are short and sweet bc I did them on my lunch break earlier and not formatted nicely but whatevs still fun innit

answers under the cut bc this is long

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Spotify!

is your room messy or clean?Clean, can’t deal with messy

what color are your eyes?Brown

do you like your name? why?Yes! There’s a lot of variations I can do with Katherine (hence Katii) and also this better than Margaret which was originally my first name lol 

what is your relationship status? In a queerpaltonic relationship with this lovely bean 

describe your personality in 3 words or lessIt’s difficult to put into words.But if I had to choose three, I’dsay ‘really, really gay’. Wait,that’s two. How about ‘really, verygay’? (10 points in you get the reference losers) [EDIT: I FORGOT TO CHANGE THE WORDS WHEN I COPIED THIS QUOTE WAS MEANT TO BE A JOKE ABOUT HOW GAY I AM EVERYTHING IS A-OKAY AND I’M NOT SAD OOOPS]

what color hair do you have?Brown, might get it dyed in October though! 

what kind of car do you drive? color?n/a

where do you shop?Online mostly lol. Also anyway that sells clothes or beauty products bc I’m weak for them 

how would you describe your style?Gay (I flit berween femme and soft butch, but mainly soft butch at the min)

favorite social media accountThis hellsite which for me isn’t so much of a hellsite now I’m unfollowing people who post things I don’t like and following more blogs that post stuff I want to, highkey recommend being proactive in making your experience on tumblr dot com the best it can be if you think it’s a bit shitty tbh bc now I love it

what size bed do you have? Double  

any siblings?One brother

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?Um idk? Somewhere similar to where I am right now I guess 

favorite snapchat filter? That one that smooths your skin out a bit and makes you look extra pretty

favorite makeup brand(s)I’m digging this wonderful palette from Two Faced at the minute even tho they’re hella expensive

how many times a week do you shower?4-5 depending on when I can be fucked lol 

favorite tv show?At the minute probs Brooklyn 99, I’m also rewatching Gavin and Stacey though which is my childhood and a British gem tbh

shoe size?5

how tall are you?5"3

sandals or sneakers? Sandals maybe?? idk

do you go to the gym? NAH

describe your dream dateme and u doing p much anything lesbihonest how gay is that

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?£20, some change and like $40 leftover from our holiday lol 

what color socks are you wearing? Black tights 

how many pillows do you sleep with?Just the one 

do you have a job? what do you do? Technically my title is managing director but that’s not actually what I do lol, I do purchasing and PA everybody 

how many friends do you have?????? Idk bro like a few????? Half of them I never really see so 

whats the worst thing you have ever done? Does dating count lmao

whats your favorite candle scent? There’s this Moroccan blush rose one we have at home and it’s gorgeous 

3 favorite boy names/3 favorite girl namesI don’t really have favourite names so???????

favorite actor? DEREK KLENA

favorite actress? CHRISTY ALTOMARE 

who is your celebrity crush?Derek Klena or Christy Altomare

favorite movie? Peter Pan 2003

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? Yes! And my all time fave is The Night Circus, other current faves include Harry Potter (as always), The Raven Cycle and the Shades of Magic Series

money or brains? Money lmao I’ve already got enough brains thanks

do you have a nickname? what is it? I have a few! The most consistent one is Kit Kat 

how many times have you been to the hospital?A lot man bc disability lmao

top 10 favorite songsum idk the entirity of the Anastasia Boradway soundtrack?

do you take any medications daily? Nope

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)Oily

what is your biggest fear? Not being in control lmao  

how many kids do you want? None

whats your go to hair style?Literally get up, brush it and maybe shove some dry shampoo in it and make sure I’ve got no weird flicky bits 

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) Semi detached 

who is your role model? Myself lmao

what was the last compliment you received?“I love your nail polish!”

what was the last text you sent?“On the train x”

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?Like 8 or 9?

what is your dream car?I guess a Mini??  opinion on smoking?No thanks 

do you go to college? Nopewould you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? I’m not too fussy but I guess rural?

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? Always

do you have freckles? A few

do you smile for pictures?If it’s a selfie then I pout but if someone else is taking it I smile 

how many pictures do you have on your phone? Currently 155

have you ever peed in the woods? Probably 

do you still watch cartoons? Yeah 

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?Macca’s since we don’t have Wendy’s over here

Favorite dipping sauce? Sweet chilli 

what do you wear to bed? Pajamas

have you ever won a spelling bee?Nope 

what are your hobbies?Sewing, reading, crying about fictional characters 

can you draw? No chance 

do you play an instrument?Nope

tea or coffee?Neither 

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?Neither 

do you want to get married?To you ;)

what is your crush’s first and last initial?DK (Derek Klena) or DB (Delilah Bard….fictional characters count, right???)

are you going to change your last name when you get married? No bc then we might both have the same name lmao

what color looks best on you? Black 

do you miss anyone right now? I miss Derek Klena lol

do you sleep with your door open or closed?Closed

do you believe in ghosts?Yeah 

what is your biggest pet peeve? I don’t really know??last person you called?My dadfavorite ice cream flavor? Mint chocolate 

regular oreos or golden oreos? Regular 

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? 🌈what shirt are you wearing? My work polo 

what is your phone background?Christy Altomare 

are you outgoing or shy????? Idk

do you like it when people play with your hair?Yeah it’s alright I guess 

do you like your neighbors? Love them!

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?Yes to both

have you ever been high? No

have you ever been drunk? No

last thing you ate? A Kit Kat chunky 

favorite lyrics right now“there are some who survive, some who don’t. some give up, some give in. me, I won’t.”

summer or winter? Winter  

day or night?Night ????? This changes on the reg lol 

dark, milk, or white chocolate? ALWAYS MILK

favorite month? Don’t really have one???

what is your zodiac signAquarius 

who was the last person you cried in front of? Idek???????? Maybe you??????? We both cried at Anastasia so probably you tbh

Second one is coming your way at some point!! xoxo 

[mechagalaxy]

John T. Mainer - Pirates

Pirates: You can’t cheat an honest man, but boy can you mess with the crooked ones.

Spirit of Bunny was in rough shape. We had suffered supply shortages all war, running actually out of missiles half way through the Zeon conflict. It got so bad we loaded fire suppression rounds, flares, and my personal favorite, the condom dispensing cluster munition usually reserved for Mardi-gras, Saturnalia, and Mayday celebrations.

We got some kills anyway. Dr Oki O’Connor was taken by rank trickery when we faked a hack of his research and streamed it live during my attack. He stopped dodging long enough to pump some really top rate virus code into the data stream, terrified we were leaking his research. Actually it was a collection of his presentations and papers mixed together with some utterly BS data our Artificial Intelligence (The Mighty Beatrice) made up that she swore would be close if Oki was on the right track. I guess he must be, because he lost his mind, then his mecha as he forgot about the fight and purged our fake data with extreme prejudice. Ooops. We have helped fund his research in the past, and I guess he never saw the tactical utility of those neat updates he sends.

We were in terrible shape, and needed some breathing room to rearm. That is when the pirates hit us. The Pirate King descended with every unhung criminal scumbag. Wow, they were all nicely painted, fully armed, and I swear some of those were our missiles. Fudge puppets. I really don’t like those guys. They look like they even had a full night’s sleep before their rampage. Now I really hate them.

“Spirit of Bunny leader, this is the Pirate King. Surrender and you may keep your lives. Your pilots stole my Commissars, return them before this gets ugly”

The Pirate king was hailing me with a challenge. Oh man. I do not do diplomacy without caffine, and we are all out of stim packs because some PIRATE FUDGE MUPPET stole them. Now the fudge muppet pirate king was hailing me. Oh well. Time to do my imitation of a civilized Clan Leader. Its not very good, I don’t practice it that often, and the laughter when I try it with other clans makes it even harder for me to pull it off straight faced.

I turned to my 20 ton specialists and asked “OK you lunatics, was it you Don, or you Fritz who stole the nice pirates Commissar?”

Both were grinning and waving. Awesome, they both did it. Well if the Pirates had messed with us all war stealing our supplies and sabotaging our war with Leviathan, Juggernaut and Zeon, then my boys and girls deserved a little payback, and it was only fair the pirates who stole so much from us should do the bulk of the work themselves. Time to unleash my greatest weapon; BS. I call it Brilliant Stratagem, but the rest of Mecha Galaxy calls is Bull Shite.

“If you aim so much as a single weapon at us, our allies in Leviathan, Juggernaut and Zeon will wipe you from existence. You could not stand against us all, and if you bring your forces against any one of us, the rest will trap and annihilate you.”

The Pirate King snarled and raised his fist to us, hurling his defiance. The effect was somewhat spoiled as he splattered the camera with his drool and his appearance was blotchy through the spit covered lens as he ranted and raved.

“You stinking Clansmen are all in it together, you are all conspiring to keep us from what is rightfully ours. If you stinking Clanners were wiped out real men like me would be running the Galaxy, not forced to piracy just to survive!”

Wow, someone has a little inferiority complex, good think he was in a 100 tonner, that much inferiorty complex just won’t fit in a 90 ton cockpit. He really has no clue that he is a pirate loser because he took up piracy, not because the Clans play nice with each other. We shoot each other for fun and profit. On a good day we even do it from the front, but bad days happen too. Clan solidarity? Its like Galactic Peace or honest politicians; only in fiction.

The Pirate King bought it hook line and sinker though. He radioed his troops and fell back for re-enforcements. He was really ticked off. I guess he really didn’t like people stealing his stuff. Funny, you think a pirate would be more philosophical about the whole property ownership/grand theft mecha thing.

“I am coming for you, I will send my forces against all of you. Your allies won’t save you, they will BURN WITH YOU CLAN SCUM!”

As the pirates disappeared through the portal, I gave the warning order to strip every bit of ammo from every lineup other than our mains, and get ready for a full scale pirate assault. I figured to use the chart data from the Commissars to hit them on their base, and see if we can steal some of their stuff while they are out getting slaughtered.

Don Lindley piped up from his stolen Commisar “Hey boss, that bit about the other clans coming to help us if the pirates attacked……are you mental? What do you figure they would really do?”

One of my jobs as chieftain is to educate my officers as to the finer points of strategic analysis, and this was just such a teaching moment.

“Well, Juggernaut would make popcorn and draft beer to watch from the hilltops as we played Spartan 300 to the pirate kings hordes. Expect lots of cheering, cat calls and smartass remarks as the bodies start stacking deep. They would probably salute our colours as they finally fell, then get back to looting the galaxy, like they do on every day that ends in y”

“Leviathan would set up a mobile HQ on the ridge, deploy full sensor drones. I would expect full tactical analysis with overlays, and messages from their leadership asking for my reasoning behind individual deployments they were arguing over. At some point they would set the prettier bits to music and publish a video of the better moments, either the really brave, or the really stupid, depending on what was more impressive. You know they would treat the whole thing like an advanced strategic and tactical study, their poor Junior officers would be writing papers about it long after our ashes cooled.”

“Zeon would wait until we had wiped out at least half, by that point we would be in deep, deep caka, surrounded, totally out of ammunition, and about ready to get slaughtered, then they would pull a colony drop and wipe them out. Possibly us too, but hey if you can’t take a joke, you joined the wrong outfit. They do have a soft spot for us, and wouldn’t let us actually get wiped out, but we would never hear the end of it.”

Don whistled. “You totally BS’d him. The Pirate King bought that whole ‘clans stick together’ line, now he’s going to throw his army at Juggernaut, Leviathan, Zeon AND us!”

Mariea Lindley said with a kind of reverent awe, visions of our own three recent ass kickings dancing in her head.

“They are going to get SLAUGHTERED!”

The Spirit of Bunny went to raid the Pirate King, and the forces Xeon had recruited to crush the clans, we went to war not with a song in our heart, but giggling like fools.

I gave the order from the Spirit of Bunny code book.

“Attention to orders, the Spirit of Bunny will execute the following contingency plan as follows: Hold my beer. I say again. Hold my beer”

And the raid was on.

John T Mainer 28840