#only 24 but I feel like I have wasted my life thus far by not knowing what I want from it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jodilin65 · 9 months ago

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Still having vax fatigue and feeling cold at times too but I’ve been assured that this is normal. Hopefully, I will feel better tomorrow. It’s not that I feel bad, I just don’t have any energy. I ran and checked my weight and it doesn’t appear that I’ve suddenly gone hypo again. My metabolism is moving albeit slowly.

Happy has been barking like he did when he first moved here and I asked the redneck if everything was okay over there hoping he would take the hint so we’ll see.

Going to court 24 years ago was definitely the dumbest thing I ever did in my entire life. I totally and needlessly walked right into the lion’s den thus allowing myself to suffer for years for something no one should ever have to suffer for.

I never claimed to be a lawyer but ignoring Molly and her mother’s threats and demands in 2010 to call a couple of their local law enforcement officials when I had something to say about her stalking the shit out of me online that they didn’t like was definitely smart. So was ignoring the email that was probably not from a real cop saying a case was made against me on account of my old perps in Arizona a couple of years later.

I highly doubt there were ever any cops involved but on the off chance there really was, ignoring the cops is definitely one’s best bet if they don’t want any trouble. The more you engage, the more trouble you could be in for whether you did anything wrong or not. Had I been stupid or emotionally unstable and therefore easily bullied into calling them had they really been involved, there’s no saying how I may have reacted depending on how far I was pushed. I still say they weren’t going to waste their time over some hysterical mother and her crazy daughter on some online bickering. Besides, law enforcement isn’t going to say to work it out themselves if they had an actual case as the mother claimed, nor would they think it was wise for them to continue contacting me when I told them not to while the cops were supposedly downloading and surveilling my blog.

Wouldn’t be surprised if they did talk to them, though, before they were told they didn’t have a case because as I once read in a psychology article trying to understand the mind of stalkers, it’s very common for a stalker to claim you’re the one bothering them and to play victim. My sister was a prime example of that. Piss her off and she goes right to the cops.

If you’re physically harmed, your house is broken into, your car is stolen…that’s when it’s time to get the police involved. Not because you don’t like being yelled at for harassing people.

Oh, the things people will involve others in be it serious or not! Because they don’t think you’re being fair, they hate your opinion/beliefs, or because you thought it funny to use a username they have no patent or rights to. The dumbest and silliest of things!

In reading back on some of the shit I went through on account of Molly and her enabling mother, they really put me through a lot of grief. With not nearly as many blocking options as we have today, they really made my life online pretty damn unpleasant at times. They would follow me from site to site, and no matter how much I told him not to contact me, they just wouldn’t stop. So yeah, I did have some harsh words to say about it, and yeah Aly, Kim and I did fuck with Molly anonymously on Ask but I’m pretty sure I didn’t threaten to send anyone to Molly’s house like they claimed. They claimed to be scared and that their safety was at risk and an officer was waiting at their house at the said time the person was supposed to go to their house. The thing is that I wouldn’t have been dumb enough to say any such thing so they either twisted something I said or someone else threatened them. I don’t know why they thought it was me but I’m guessing because of the timing of events with me being stalked, followed, harassed and provoked by Molly and then verbally lashing out at her, demanding she leave me alone. As I’ve always said, one can only be pushed so far. Keep pulling the tiger’s tail and they are going to bite sooner or later.

Oh, and something about me threatening to plaster her address all over the Internet if she didn’t back off and leave me alone. That may have been wrong of me if I really did say this and I honestly can’t remember whether or not I did but if I did it was only in hopes of scaring her off.

I’m glad I’ve turned into the cyber recluse I’ve turned into. Yes, it’s boring this way, not as entertaining and adventurous, and even less educational when I consider the things I learned from some people I would talk to over the years but it’s definitely safer this way, and my safety will always be the most important thing.

Most of the time the past is in the past, but every now and then I get to remembering certain people and events and I feel that old anger bubbling up. I would never want to get revenge on anyone in real life, but if I could literally be in their nightmares every single night, well, I could live with that. 😉

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hospitalterrorizer · 11 months ago

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diary103

12/24-25/2023

sunday - monday

it's christmas

and i don't feel a lot especially. i'm not sad about it, i'm just apathetic towards it. i kind of felt like it might be something more this year but this last little while has been kind of a nightmare, on top of a year that's been a nightmare all over earth basically. but it's not so horrible. my girlfriend and i, my friends, all seem like we're going to be fine, basically at least.

i watched this in lieu of reading:

youtube

i like that he positions himself here against post-humanism, i don't know if i agree entirely or not, i find posthumanism to be interesting and i don't know if it's totally accurate to say it's seeking to keep in place the logic of enhancement, however my understanding of posthumanism is based in the antihuman. i also find it connected to the monologic/dialogic interestingly, where the posthuman, in remaining in contact with these zones of exclusion where agentic capacity and so on are kept in place as criteria for political ability, valuation (when he brings forth the example of agentic matter and the reference to the roman plebians becoming deserving of democracy), it keeps in place an essential signification, or of observing certain acts, stratifying and excepting them, essentially, they require one to cleave closely to a way of thinking that would very quickly do away with waste-thought, the abject or anything beyond, anything that could be a germ against the thought / lingual structure is not just ejected, but ignored. the negative potentiality of the dialogic is necessarily ignored, instead a positivism must occur, ability must always been observed/in place. he at a point mentions how the current philosophies he is approaching leave us with few things to approach disability, as he is using the term, affect being one of those, which is curious to me. i know distantly that kristeva is often seen as related to affect theory, but she also seems strongly concerned with the different ways things are expressed which are not in the regular sociality/typically constructed way, her approach art which uses madness, artaud, bataille, and so on, who fail to express 'normal ability' i suppose, which will here might refer to as risk when being appraised by capital, is of interest to me. i could only imagine her book black sun has anything to say re: disability in a more proper sense.

in defense of my linkage to kristeva, it seems constantly useful to me to think about the semanalytic processes at play in dealing w/ the constructions we are interred in. the posthuman seeking to escape the human by instead sort of approaching everything from an almost bare life method, thus instead of enabling totally (arguably, i do not know if i am there entirely in disagreement but negativity towards at least a sect of it seems necessary (though i will always enjoy the antihuman as an approach/weapon against the human as it has been constructed, and i suppose i have been right in having been where i am, closely beside that conception (as i have always like foucault's approaches (as he has always liked nietzsche (which is important to me)))) our escape, it only sort of creates the criteria / semantic structure in which we struggle. constantly appraised and in need of correction / placement.

but yes i need to get back to the young girl soon.

also, i feel like i should sleep, but i can't. idk why. i have a rush of energy right now though.

now it's 12 pm and i'm starting to get tired. i have at least begun work on the bug tracing stuff, i have 10 done so far. i should maybe get 20? idk, i also need to get more that have layers so i can separate them out into pieces so there can be some fun layering w/ them.

anyway okay , i am finally really actually tired.

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!

#Youtube

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gardenkeepreblogs · 1 year ago

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yknow this being the first thing i see when i log on to tumblr after several days of not being on is not something i would've ever expected but i saw it and it irked me.

allow me to introduce myself first as this is not the blog where my carrd is linked. my name is aves and i am an 18 year old film major/aspiring screenplay writer. thus, i am well versed in the art of writing a character to show a story rather than tell it. i have done several different analyses of film characters and i have been involved in fandom since i was 12. furthermore, i have studied how the portrayals of stereotypes/archetypes affect different groups that have been discriminated against in the past and in a more broad sense, film theory.

before i get into a genuine analysis of miguel, i would like to point out some faults i noticed and things i took issue with in how you have handled this conversation thus far.

firstly, allow me to remind you of the fact that eden is 19 - you are 24. and yet, eden still managed to remain more mature than you in her response to you calling her racist. i believe this speaks volumes about your character and not in a good way, hun.

to speak further on your lack of maturity with such serious allegations - your use of reaction images. call me old but i simply do not believe that reaction images are appropriate when calling someone racist. not only this, but the language you used within your post shows me that you do not take this topic seriously - regardless of what the truth is. you clearly take this argument seriously as you are willing to argument but the way you have gone about it says something else entirely.

the way you mock eden's language, try to do a "quirky" thing where you "cut her off", and try to undermine her feelings of upset by saying "get used to it because that is fandom and analysis." in my opinion, this is a cheap way of saying you do not feel like dealing with the fact that you could very well be wrong in some places. this is not and was never an analysis. this was you trying to start something, white knight for an ethnic group (from what i can tell) you are not a part of, and point out things that are not there.

you also regularly dismiss how you might've made eden feel unintentionally and at least how i was raised is that you apologize anytime you make someone upset - regardless of intention.

secondly, i would like to point out blatant contradictions in your argument. the biggest and most blaring one is you seem to love to say "it is fine if you believe xyz but it is wrong." in a class i took on ethics, this is what is called moral relativism.

i highly suggest looking into the theories of moral relativism vs moral absolutism but in short, moral relativism is the belief that everyone's moral compass and sense of ethics is correct. in other words, there is no such thing as a universal right or wrong and with such, you cannot say anyone else is wrong in their moral beliefs. of course, there are some very obvious pros to this as on the surface, it seems as though it would reduce conflict and you would be right in that assumption. however, there are also cons in this way of life as you cannot say any one person is wrong in their beliefs.

in arguments such as this one about miguel, assuming a moral relativist approach means your argument has no grounds to stand on. assuming a moral relativist approach is essentially arguing for no reason because while you can say that it goes against your belief system but you cannot say eden is wrong in believing how they do. thus, you are arguing for no reason. you are running yourself in a circle, wasting your breath.

thirdly, similarly to my second point, you like to back pedal on your own argument and thus contradict yourself further. you do essentially call her racist in your first reblog whether intentional or not. your use of the pronoun "you" without clarifying that you were talking about fanfic writers as a whole made your post look like an elaborate way to prove that eden is racist. in fact, your entire first post was about his race but in your second reblog you state "it's not about his race."

clearly it was otherwise you would not have brought it up so often in the first reblog. your entire argument was structured around the idea of a mexican man being written in a machismo fashion which made it about his race.

furthermore, you say at the end of your second reblog, "And people are allowed to have an opinion on that SO LONG AS THEY mind their business, don't get angry, don't send hate, and are respectful."

i could argue that you did not mind your business and you were not respectful in delivering your opinion and thus, allow me to ask, does this mean you are no longer allowed to have an opinion?

fourth, you say "i do not mean this as rude in any way but i do not read you stuff so i wouldn't know." this royally pissed me off because this means you decided to reblog eden's post and rant about something completely unrelated to her. my question is: why? if it is something you just wanted to start a conversation on, why not make your own post? that would've been a better place to start a conversation like this one - especially considering eden's original post was not one meant to start conversation.

fifth, your point about peter b and cindy moon and the lack of pheromone fics for them can simply be chalked up to the lack of fics for them in general. as someone who would like to consume media for peter b, believe me i have looked.

sixth, i do not think all of the miguel writers are sexualizing his unhealthy coping habits. i think it is a coincidental alignment in most cases. of course, i will not say it does not exist but i dont think it is as common as you have led yourself to believe.

as i've mentioned at the beginning of this post, i have done studies on portrayals of stereotypes/archetypes in film and one of the groups i studied was those with mental illness and trauma linked disorders. while my study focused on dissociative disorders, i also had to look into all coping mechanisms. to entertain your point of it being sexualization of these unhealthy habits - it could simply be another habit in of itself. According to this blog post, "Hypersexuality often co-occurs with other mental health conditions, such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and substance abuse. According to a study published in the Journal of Sex Research, people with hypersexuality are more likely to report symptoms of depression and anxiety than those without the condition."

very easily you can slot miguel into substance abuse (alleged) and depression.

seven, while i do agree with you that films impact our society and how we view minority groups across the board, i do not think that fandom plays as big of a part as you make it out to be. once again bringing up my own studies, i did one on dissociative disorders and another on queer people. while neither of these fall within the topic of race, i do think the same premise applies. portraying negative stereotypes can be harmful in the wrong context and i think i would agree with you if it were in the film itself but its not. miguel is not machismo in the film itself and to be honest with you, i have not seen any fics where miguel actively dismisses women.

in fact, in many fics that i've seen, they promote his interaction with women and feature him valuing women's opinion to a high standard.

eight, once again going back to something similar to my second and third points, you continually run yourself in circles and backpedal your argument.

if dub con, breeding kink, and yandere are things that will always exist in fandom, what was the point in bringing it up with a negative context around it? i do see you pose the question and emphasize your point of asking why we do this but ultimately you answer your own question. because it is simply a part of fandom. in your own words, you gotta get comfortable with that.

furthermore, you say, "But I pulled most if not all of these examples from scrolling less than 5 minutes in the Miguel Smut Tag." and to that i offer you this - go on these tags and tell me how many fics with these warnings you see.

childe x reader / tartaglia x reader / ajax x reader

zhongli x reader

in my experience, those 2 also have smut tags dominated by those 3 tags. i say this is because these are easily the 3 most popular kink/fetish tags in fandom as a whole. i cannot think of a single fandom where that has not been the case - though that is not to say there isn't one that i am not aware of.

not only this, none of the pieces of evidence you provide prove what your actual point is. you say very clearly your point is that "The movie is intentionally misdirecting the audience to believe a specific narrative about Miguel and we as an audience should do the writers justice and look into that sometime because I believe there is deeper depth to his character." nothing that you say in your post justifies or elaborates on this point, thus making this a poor analysis if you want to call it that.

to respond to what you say was your actual point and provide my own analysis

i fundamentally disagree with your point as i do believe miguel is an asshole and a shitty person through and through. there is no misleading done by the writers, there is no evidence that leads anyone to believe hobie is a fake punk, and there is no secret narrative the writers would like us to uncover.

as a script writer myself, there are very few ways to mislead your audience's opinion on a character and all of which are incredibly tricky to pull off. this is not to say the writers of atsv are not capable of doing it but i feel it would not be in their best interest to do so. in fact, i think laying miguel's character out in the way they did was very clear and while we may not know everything, we know enough to say "he is an asshole" based purely on how he treated gwen and miles from the moment he met them. he is a cold, distant, traumatized man with unhealthy coping mechanisms and that shows in many of his character interactions.

on the other hand, miguel is also shown to have a softer, goofier side when we see the clips of him with his daughter and when he interacts with lyla. you can even somewhat see it with jess.

i think his character is laid out very clearly for us, though some is still shrouded in mystery simply because of a lack of information rather than misinformation. We just haven't gotten to a point in what looks to be a trilogy of films where some of this other information is relevant, especially considering he is not our main protagonist.

you are right in saying that miguel is a character with so much depth to him and i personally cannot wait until the third movie comes out to see more of him and his character.

in conclusion

between 2 reblogs you ran yourself in circles, back pedaled, and continually tried to deflect from the fact that you were proven wrong. you also showed immense immaturity.

i would have been more than willing to have a conversation with you regarding fanon vs canon portrayals of miguel as i think that is a very interesting topic. however, the way you started and handled this conversation made me less willing to do so as clearly you seem to be unable to admit fault in your argument even after you are show that it is there.

˚◞❀˳ I like healthy miguel, I like unhealthy miguel. I like soft miguel, I like rageful miguel. I like stressed miguel who's weighed down by his work, I like miguel who enjoys what he does. I like grey miguel, I like misunderstood miguel. I like miguel who's actually quite chill, I like miguel who's still getting over his past demons. I like fluffy, angsty, smutty and dark miguel.

all of these characterisations are valid because this is a fictional character.

stop telling people how to write him, and other characters for that matter.

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msponies · 2 years ago

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What the shit did you smoke for you to make this blog inactive!?

okay this is a little fun a little sassy silly…… i dig it i vibe….. i’m currently at my grandparents house taking my dog out so i think it’s a good time to go through my past ~14 months and together we can see where i fell off the wagon (SLASH GEN i promise i’m not being snarky! i really do want you all who have supported me to know i’m okay + what i’ve been up to)

it’ll be under the cut, and as a thank you to all of you,

oh yeah. ohhhhhhhh yeah

july 2021: artfight happens, i do two attacks and then just stop drawing ANYTHING. i started sewing again briefly which was the second crafty hobby i had before drawing (first was origami!), so that eats up my time. if i remember i want to edit this when i’m home and add a picture from my old phone of me sitting on my bed with my cats, sewing a “sock creature” (PLEASE please if you have the time look up john murphy’s sock creatures, his first book was so formative to me)

august 21: i start working at spirit halloween!!

september 21: i become close friends with this guy Vincent, we had known of each other for a while and were mutual fans of each other’s art but here we start talking on a daily basis!!!

october 21: obviously The Big One for a spirit employee, it was halloween all month baby! i had three costumes (the third was Raph from tmnt but i don’t have a pic 😿)

(side note i LOVE the turtles, the reason i got that black wig in the goth cat costume was to cosplay casey jones from tmnt2012)

november 21: by the nature of spirit halloween i am now unemployed. i try hbwr seeds for the first time which to answer the original question is most likely what i smoked to make this blog inactive

december 21: I BREAK UP WITH MY EX!!!! i found his secret pr0$h!p twitter on christmas eve so i timed pretty much the exact midpoint between christmas and new years and broke it off then

january 22: i reorganize my life!! i get a new bed frame and other furniture for my room to celebrate my fresh start. i find a very rudimentary children’s sewing machine at goodwill and get fully back into making sock creatures!!!! plus i hack a 3ds, but i know we’re all doing that

february 22: this is where i really do just become burned out for a bit, i do JACK SQUAT except make a G2 Tier Maker:

march 22: i start taking job hunting seriously… ALSO me and Vinnie who i mentioned back in september keep talking and keep growing closer; i send him a playlist of songs that make me think of our ponysonas and for the first time it becomes really clear to each of us how much we like one another 💥 the playlist in question:

april 22: i turn 24! i also start working at taco bell. i also stop working at taco bell. i watch a good chunk of pac man and the ghostly adventures

may 22: probably my favorite month of the year thus far! i journal every day, go to the park, work hard around the house and in general do what feels gratifying to me!

june 22: i go to a pride event in my city and run into a girl who i bought a teddy bear purse from at spirit! she mentions applying at the McAlister’s that’s opening next month and i follow suit; it goes poifectly and my training starts at the beginning of…

july 22: DELI TIME! i’m trained to work prep which means folding up all the meat that gets used for sandwiches, plus slicing n dicing various produce. Vincent and I are like 💓official💓 at this point or whatever….. :)

august 22: i adjust to life behind the industrial-grade rotary slicer. i get back DEEP into webkinz. Vincent and i meet up for the first time!!!!!!!!!!!!!

september 22: loooots more boyfriend time 🎉 but also i go back to school 👎

now: well damn! i’m in a little bit of a rut in full honesty; i only have so much energy in a given day and i spend most of it on work and school. i am so grateful for everyone who has shown me patience, and i want to prove that it wasn’t “wasted” on me in any way. i still have a lot of personal work to do before i can post on a reliable schedule again

thank you :)

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mrsalwayswrite · 4 years ago

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More Than Today (Richard Winters x Reader)

So this has been in my wips for MONTHS. But here we are! I know its also been a hot minute since I’ve written any BOB fics. Sorry, friends. Hope you enjoy!

Warnings: a couple swear words (thanks Nixon)

Words: 2750

Tag List: @happyveday @evelynshelby @sydney-m @saritanotserena

Paris.

City of Light.

City of Love.

Dick Winters just wished the soldier behind him would stop bumping his chair as he laughed at another dirty joke.

It had not been his idea to be here. Apparently Sink thought he needed a break. Nixon and Welsh ganged up on him, practically forcing him to pack his bag and get on the train.

Now that he was here though….it was nice.

He would never admit how many steaming, hot baths he had taken since finding his hotel room. Plus, sleeping in a real, soft bed- his bones sang with joy at the reprieve from the hard, army cot it had been subjected to for years now.

Tomorrow morning he was supposed to be leaving. His last 24 hours in Paris. Truthfully, he had done nothing, just rest. Both physically and mentally. He knew if he returned without having visited some kind of touristy place, both Nixon and Welsh would be furious. Though, he would have to have a conversation with Nix. It was not until Dick started unpacking that he found the box of condoms Nix must have slipped into his bag when he was not looking.

Sometimes he wondered why he put up with the man. Even that thought made him smile. Somehow him and Nix, they just clicked. Completely polar opposites but maybe that was what allowed their friendship to take root and grow.

The soldier behind Dick laughed loudly, rocking his chair back with the movement and knocking into Dick once again. He grimaced, just saving himself from spilling coffee onto his Class A uniform. He knew he outrank the man behind him and all his friends, he could easily say something…. but that seemed like a battle not worth fighting.

He quickly finished his small cup of coffee, relishing the actual bitter taste of the drink verse the watery stuff the army supplied. Standing up, he pulled out the change from his pocket, ready to leave a tip for the nice waitress.

"There you are!" A feminine voice called out with a distinctly British accent.

Dick lifted his head, knowing she was not talking to him but still curious. But then the strangest thing happened. He looked up and met her eyes as she walked past the few other tables. A blinding smile lit up her face and he felt his heartbeat stutter at how beautiful it was. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the others sitting around watching her with interest but her eyes remained solely focused on him.

When she came to his side, she gently placed a hand on his forearm and lifted up slightly on her toes to press a quick kiss to his cheek. "I'm so sorry I am late, love. I lost track of time. Do we still have time for a cup or shall we go?" She easily asked, as she slid down into the extra chair at the table.

He stood frozen for a moment, his mind questioning everything that just happened. Thankfully, his body went on autopilot and he sat back down in his chair. "Uh…. it’s fine."

"Lovely!" She beamed, waving a hand to get the attention of the waitress.

As he stared at her, his mind finally seemed to feel the tension hidden just below the surface of her overly-sunny disposition. Her hands laid in her lap, a white-knuckle grip on her small purse though. A friendly smile remained on her face but her eyes kept shifting warily over to the other side of the street, like prey keeping a predator in its peripheral.

Confused and now concerned, he peered over to where her eyes kept shooting. Two men stood across the street watching her with sullen expressions. Their uniforms informed him they were US army, the chevrons on their sleeves stated they were both sergeants.

Dick turned back to her and lowered his voice, even though he guessed over the noise of those around him, the men would not hear. "Ma'am, are you alright?"

"Wait." She said sharply, even though her smile never faltered. Then the waitress approached and the woman ordered a cup of tea with enthusiasm. Dick found himself ordering another cup of coffee per her insistence.

Finally, the waitress walked away, having had a brief conversation about the lovely color of lipstick she wore with the woman across from him after taking their orders.

It was then the woman peeked across the street once more. Whatever she saw, Dick watched the tension ease out of her. He glanced over to see the two men making their way back down the street.

"Bloody hell." She muttered, dropping her face in her hands.

"Are you alright? Were those men bothering you?"

"Mmm? Oh, no, well yes. They kept following me even after I told them I was meeting my fiancé. I am so terribly sorry I dragged you into this, it was either find someone to pretend to be my fiancé or find an alley nearby and stab them. I quite like this dress and would prefer not to get blood on it today."

He just stared at her, unsure how to take her answer. He would have thought it was a joke but with the way she casually answered, as if stating the sky was blue, he assumed she was serious. "Um, right." He coughed, not quite sure where to take the conversation from there. Luckily, she seemed to notice.

"Is there somewhere you need to go? I truly am sorry for holding you up. I'll pay for your coffee when the waitress returns, it's the least I can do. Don't feel like you have to stay here just for me."

"No, no. It's alright, ma'am. I was just…." His voice trailed off.

She smiled softly at him, folding her hands in her lap. "Are you stationed here in Paris?"

At that moment, the waitress returned with their ordered drinks.

"No." He answered her prior question, watching her take a sip from her cup. His own cup sat between his hands but he felt no need to drink it yet. "My CO demanded I take a 72-hour pass."

"Mmm….so you are one of those?" She laughed lightly at the look of confusion on his expressive face. "A CO who actually cares about his men, focuses on making sure they are taken care of, instead of spending time with the other officers wasting all his money on booze and women."

"Um…." He could feel a warmth spreading over his face. Hoping to hide it, he brought his cup to his lips and took a sip.

"It's alright, sir. We need more officers like you in this damn war. What's your name?"

That he could easily answer. "Lieutenant Dick Winters, Easy Company, 506th, Parachute Infantry Regiment, 101st Airbourne."

"Pleasure to meet you, Lieutenant Winters. I'm y/n y/l/n. So Airbourne, hmmm? I've heard about you. Tell me about your training."

And somehow Dick found himself telling her about Currahee, about the jumps at Mackall, the field drills in Upottery, even laughing about Sobel's antics with her.

Eventually, their cups ran dry.

"Where are you off to now?" She asked pleasantly.

Dick answered honestly, feeling relaxed in her presence. "I'm not sure."

"Well, it so happens I was on my way to visit the Notre-Dame Cathedral. Would you like to join me?"

"Sure."

Dick insisted on paying for both of their drinks, claiming his mother would read him the riot act if he allowed a woman to pay for her own. As they walked away from the cafe, she slipped her arm through his like they had done it a million times. Instead of feeling embarrassed or uncomfortable at the unexpected physical touch, he found himself smiling down at her.

What started off as a day without any intended plan, just enjoying not being on the front line or behind a desk writing reports, became one of the most enjoyable days of his life. After the Cathedral, they wandered along the Seine, stopping at any shop or attraction that caught their eye. She regaled him with different facts or histories of places they saw and other locations in Paris. Before the war, she had spent some time in Paris and now, having returned as a translator, she felt it was even more important to remember those things that the Nazis tried so hard to destroy.

Soon conversations turned to their own experiences at home, his in Pennsylvania and hers in London. The more they talked, the more he found himself attracted to her beyond the physical. She was a breath of fresh air amongst the smog of war. A ray of sunshine to remind him that above the dark clouds of War, the sun still resided. But even if the day was spent in laughter and companionship, a war still brewed outside. A painful reminder to what Dick's priorities should be. So, he promised himself that he would enjoy her company now, but once he left Paris, he would put her out of his mind. His men and the war came first.

As night settled over the city, they walked side by side back to her hotel. It was not too far from his own, thus he refused to listen to her protests and told her he would escort her back for her own safety.

"Well, this is me." She stopped in front of the lovely hotel. "Thank you for escorting me."

"It's the least I can do. You spent the whole day being my tour guide."

"That sounds dreadfully boring. But you'll have stories to share with that Nixon friend of yours. Though he may be more impressed if you bring him back a vintage bottle of wine."

"No, he only drinks Vat 69. Lord knows where the man keeps finding the stuff."

"Besides your footlocker?"

"Yeah, besides that." He chuckled at her jest and the mischievous smile on her face. As they stood there, smiling at one another, he found himself wishing they had more time. That perhaps he had met her before or after the war and had been able to court her properly. For now though, he would cherish their time together. "Thank you for today."

Her smile held a hint of sadness in it, as if she lamented their separation just as much as he did. "I pray our paths will cross again."

"Goodnight, y/n."

"Goodnight, Dick."

He stepped back, lingering a moment longer to gaze at her. After, he turned and started to walk away. The hour was late and they both needed to sleep. It was less than 8 hours until his train was to depart in the morning and he knew it would be wise to enjoy his soft bed one more time before returning to a hard, army cot.

"Dick!"

He spun around, surprised to see her walking towards him, her heels clicking loudly on the sidewalk.

"Is everything alright?"

Without acknowledging his question, she pressed her lips to his in an eager kiss. Dick liked to consider himself a gentleman, never to take advantage of anyone, especially a woman. In this moment though, as all thoughts fled under her touch, his body reacted on instinct. His arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her flush against him while their lips parted, deepening the kiss. She moaned into his mouth, tasting like the wine she sipped on at dinner, her hands tightly gripping the lapels of his uniform. Heat coursed through his body as their tongues tangled together. He felt hypnotized, unable to pull away, to maintain propriety. Nor did he want too. She nipped at his bottom lip and his knees almost buckled underneath him. This moment was pleasure and fire, something he never experienced before….and something he wanted to revisit over and over with her.

After only a second and eternity combined, they both pulled back with swollen lips and breathless. Rising on her toes, she gave him a quick peck on the lips, a single flame compared to the bonfire they just lavished themselves in. Swiftly, she stepped back, running her hands over her dress.

"Goodnight…. don’t tell Nixon about this."

He nodded, almost shyly, mind still reeling from their shared passion. "Yes, ma'am."

With a playful, flirty wink, she twirled around and headed back towards her hotel, her heels clicking loudly on the ground.

Dick watched her walk away, lips still tingling and residual flames teasing his nerves. His eyes traced over her form, hoping to memorize it, to be able to always savor this moment. Looking up to the heavens, he silently prayed that one day, their paths would cross, one day he could perhaps pursue her, one day he could feel her lips against his again.

*****

"So, you still haven't said much about your time in Paris." Nixon prodded, sipping from his canteen that certainly was not water. The intelligence officer had been relentlessly interrogating his friend about his pass for the past week.

Dick rolled his eyes, not even glancing over. "Not much to say, Nix."

"You had to have done something! Come on! It's Paris!"

"I saw the Notre-Dame."

"Hey, that's something. Stop pressing him, Nix." Welsh butted in with his typical lazy grin. He reclined in the extra chair next to Nixon. "He did return the condoms."

"For Pete's sake." Dick muttered as he listened to the two men laugh. He stood looking out the window of his office, overlooking Easy Company below being drilled by Lieutenant Dike. Again. There was something to be said about being prepared but this went beyond that.

"Harry, how long have they been out there now?" He asked, not removing his gaze from his men.

Welsh sighed, glancing at the clock. "About two hours now."

"Right, come on. Let's go relieve them."

The other two scrambled to their feet, following Dick out of his office and down through the labyrinth of the HQ building. Lieutenant Dike had come with high expectations but the more Dick watched the man, the more worried he became.

"You're too soft on them." Nixon teased, trailing behind him.

Dick gave a quick salute to some officers they passed, never missing a step as he responded. "They aren't learning anything by marching back and forth out there besides ways to murder their CO."

"Was that a joke? Holy fuck. Did you hear that, Harry? Dick made a joke! Paris changed you."

"I heard. Still in shock." Welsh deadpanned.

Dick sighed good-naturedly as they stepped outside the building. Slipping his cap on, he started in the direction of his newest Lieutenant. The footsteps of his companions falling in step behind him.

"Dick!"

His feet screeched to a halt. He knew that voice. Whipping around, he was greeted by the sight of her. Someone he thought he would never truly see again. A beautiful, blinding smile on her face as she hurried towards him. His heart rapidly pounded within his chest, giving away his shock and joy at seeing her.

"Y/n? What are you doing here?" He could not help sweeping his eyes over her, surprised to see her in a WAC uniform. Though it did nothing to diminish her beauty.

"I was asked to be a translator and help with deciphering coded messages." She answered casually as if she had not just revolutionized his world. Standing in front of him, she motioned to the army camp around them. "Is this where you are stationed?"

"Yeah, yeah, it is."

"Oh, that's lovely. We'll be able to see each other again. I am late for a meeting otherwise I'd love to chat. Could I see you tomorrow for a cuppa?"

"Um, sure. Yes."

"Perfect. I'll find you in the afternoon." She raised up on her toes and gave him a quick peck on the lips, causing his mind to short-circuit. "It's good seeing you, Dick."

With that she spun on her heel and sashayed away, leaving all three men standing there shocked.

"Who was that?" Nixon demanded, gaze never leaving her retreating form.

"Y/n…. I met her in Paris."

Nixon smacked him on the arm. "You bastard, you said nothing happened there."

"Nothing happened." Dick tried to defend, even if the excuse sounded weak in his own ears. Besides, for him, something certainly did happen.

"Probably should have kept those condoms, Dick." Welsh said, clapping him on the shoulder with a chuckle.

And for a brief moment, Dick wondered if he was right.

#band of brothers #Band of Brothers fandom #band of brothers fanfic #band of brothers imagines #richard winters #dick winters #richard winters x reader #dick winters x reader #lewis nixon #harry welsh #mzwrites

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breakyeol · 4 years ago

Text

Give Him a Show

Pairing: Sehun x Reader

Genre: college au, friends to lovers au, suggestive, tiny pinch of angst

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: strong language, fuckboy!chanyeol being an complete asshole, !!! themes of harassment (not with malicious intent but it’s still not okay) !!! , mentions of drinking and marijuana use, mild groping, heavy making out

A/N ; hey guys. I feel like there is a slightly more serious topic addressed in this one shot. never let a man or woman or anyone treat you the way Chanyeol treats reader in this. don’t be afraid to put your foot down and tell them to fuck off. and if you don’t feel comfortable doing it then ask a friend or family member or anyone you trust for help. please be safe and don’t be afraid to say no ♡ also! this one shot in NO WAY portrays Chanyeol’s true character!! we all know that he is a respectful gentleman in real life thank you and goodnight

It was too often that you found yourself in places like this, surrounded by people like them.

Places like this being an entirely too crowded apartment, the scent of weed and sweat intertwining in the air, the deep bass of a song pulsing from unseen speakers causing the floor to vibrate beneath your sneaker clad feet.

People like them being your so called ‘friends’ who partied every weekend and got shit faced or cross faded every time an opportunity presented itself.

Don’t get it wrong, you knew how to get down and dirty with the worst of them. But tonight had been one of those nights— one of those nights that all you wanted was to sprawl yourself out in your bed and binge watch Scream for the gazillionth time while stuffing your face full of all your favorite snack foods. It hadn’t been the best day in the world, and just being able to sit back and unwind seemed like the most ideal use of your free time.

Unfortunately, that plan was abruptly negated when your friends got the brilliant idea of partying until their legs gave out. They found it of the utmost importance to drag you along as well, claiming dramatically it had been forever since you last hung out with them.

Since the beginning of the night, you had been tucked into the corner of the room on one of the unoccupied couches, pretending to nurse the cup of god knows what kind of alcohol, and wearing your best resting bitch face in hopes that everyone would just stay the fuck away. Thus far, the strategy had been successful. If someone started coming in your direction, all you had to do was shoot them an icy glare and they’d immediately spin around and walk in the opposite direction.

Though, there was one particular person that seemed to be completely oblivious to your blatant disinterest in being here.

“Y/n!”

You grimaced at the familiar booming voice, reluctantly tearing your eyes off of the window where you’d been counting the lights of passing cars on the street bellow. The one and only Park Chanyeol stood before you, signature lopsided smirk plastered across his face.

You’d known Chanyeol since high school, but you really only knew each other because of your mutual friends. In all honesty, you didn’t consider him much more than a good acquaintance. He was a sweet guy, funny and bright and very outgoing.

But, he was also one of the biggest fuck boys you’d ever met. And he was not shy in displaying the fact that he had wanted to hook up with you, to the point where you couldn’t even pretend that it was just your ego. Not-so-subtly eye fucking you whenever you walked into the room, constantly pressing you about your ideal man or what kind of guy you were interested in, finding any and every excuse to be near you or touch you in one way or another. It was all a bit excessive, especially considering that you just weren’t interested in him like that. Unfortunately, he couldn’t seem to get the hint— or, he just didn’t care.

All his indirect advances made it a bit uncomfortable for you to be around him. That was another reason you’d been subtly avoiding hanging out with the big group of friends, because he was always there. And every time you weren’t, he’d text or call you about it and you’d have to make up an excuse as to why you didn’t show.

It wasn’t even like he actually liked you, either. All that he wanted was to snag a quick fuck.

You’d told him straight up on several occasions that you just were not interested, when his advances got too much for you to put up with. He’d lay off for the rest of the night, and if you were lucky the rest of the next day. But by the next, he’d be right back to his flirting and excessive touching. The dude was relentless.

And it was honestly getting a bit exhausting.

But for tonight, you smile politely and just deal.

“Hey, Chanyeol.”

“I’m surprised you came!” He said, voice louder than usual, falling onto the couch beside you like it was where he belonged. You tensed at the feeling of his thigh pressing firmly against yours, and attempted to scoot away from him, only to be stopped by the arm rest digging into your side.

Shit. Did he not know about personal space? More than likely he did, but just didn’t give a fuck.

You only offered a mild nod of your head in response, lips tight, body rigid. He should have been able to feel it with how tightly he’d pressed himself up against you, should’ve felt the tension in your muscles, the uneasiness rolling off of you thick, heavy waves. But he didn’t even flinch, tossing a nonchalant arm over the back of the couch behind your head. You curled in on yourself as his fingers feathered over your shoulder, the corner of your lip lifting in an uncontainable grimace.

“Yeah, me too.”

For whatever reason, the stiff, grumbled response coaxed a round of guffawing belly laughter from the boy squeezed against you. Personally, you didn’t think it was all that funny.

“Well, I, for one, am very glad you came. But why are you over here all by yourself?”

You shrugged, sinking your teeth into the inside of your lip and turning away from him, opting to give your attention to the lack of stars visible in the light polluted night sky. “Just... not in the mood for all this, I guess.” The empty reply was intended to cut this one sided conversation short as soon as possible.

“Then... do you wanna get out of here?” He whispered the question against the shell of your ear, and you couldn’t help the way you lurched away from him. His breath reeked of vodka, the scent so strong that you couldn’t help the way your nose wrinkled in disgust. One thorough look at him was all it took to confirm your suspicions. His cheeks were flushed a deep red, his hooded eyes unfocused and bloodshot.

“You’re wasted, Chanyeol.” You deadpanned, arms folding over your chest.

“What?! N– no I’m not!” You could clearly hear the faint slur of his words now, only solidifying your point further. He was thoroughly shit faced. And if you weren’t too off base, you thought you caught a whiff of weed clinging to his plaid button up. “I’m fine, y/n!” He insisted, apparently lucid enough to catch the look of disbelief that flashed across your face. A sober Chanyeol was one thing, but dealing with him while he was cross faded? That was above your qualifications as an acquaintance.

“Listen, let’s just go somewhere, yeah?” He hiccuped and you almost hissed as one of his hands fell on your knee, and quickly pushed it away. A faint downward twitch of his lips was the only indication he even noticed it had happened, before he was covering it up with a wide grin and leaning in closer. “I know this great pancake place, open 24/7, most delicious milkshakes you’ve ever had in your life. Then maybe afterward we could... chill at my place. What do you say?”

You knew damn well that just ‘chilling’ was nowhere near being on this man’s mind.

“I say you’re drunk and need to lay down and drink some water.”

“Come on, y/n~” He whined at your blunt reply, and your brows furrowed in distaste as he tugged you closer, only to leap into your hairline when you caught his hazy gaze slip down to your mouth. He bit his lip, eyes fluttering. Fuck. Fuck. Was he going to kiss you? Shit. You couldn’t let this happen. But as you pulled away, he pushed further, and all at once you found yourself trapped against the wall. Fuck!

“I—!”

“Chanyeol.” Both yours and Chanyeol’s head turned, surprised by the sudden interruption. A soft breath of relief escaped your lips, though you also felt the familiar tug of embarrassment in the pit of your stomach.

“Sehun?” He mumbled, blinking in confusion.

“You’re fucked up, Chanyeol. Go drink some water.” The younger boy huffed, rolling his eyes.

“But I—”

“Seriously go, Chanyeol. Before you do something you regret when you sober up.” The exasperation in his voice brought a faint glower across Chanyeol’s face, but, to your relief, he pulled away. You watched with pursed lips as he stood on shaky legs and stumbled past his younger friend, roughly bumping his shoulder as he went.

“Fuck.” You cursed once he was out of ear shot, rubbing your palms over your face, frustration peeking.

When you looked up, Sehun was still standing there in his stupid leather jacket and ripped back jeans with his stupid black hair that fell perfectly over his annoyingly handsome face, pretty eyes narrowed into slits and focused sharply on you. You hated it when he looked like you like that. Hated the way your skin burned and your heart sped up in your chest. Hated the way your stomach stirred with butterflies. You hated it. But at the same time…

“What?” You sighed, grimacing at the faint quiver in your voice.

Sehun folded his arms over his chest. “You don’t have to put up with it, you know.”

“What?”

“It’s so obvious that you’re uncomfortable. Why don’t you just tell him to fuck off?” He asked, shifting his weight onto one hip.

“I have.” You groaned. “I’ve told him I’m not interested. He lets up for a bit but then he goes right back to pulling his usual shit.” You tried to explain, face twisting in irritation.

“Have you told him to go fuck himself?”

“Not in those words, exactly.” You admitted, rubbing at the back of your neck.

“Why not?”

“Isn’t it a bit mean? He’s an asshole but I don’t want to hurt his feelings or something...”

“Why the fuck should you care about his feelings when he refuses to consider yours?”

He wasn’t wrong.

Then again, Sehun is rarely wrong when it came down to things like that.

Even though he was the youngest, he always seemed to carry this strange sort of wisdom. He saw and understood things in ways your other friends, in ways most people just didn’t. He took the time to try and see deeper than most cared to look. You had always respected that about him.

While your other friends egged Chanyeol on, pushing you to get with him, Sehun saw past the fake smiles and forced laughter. He saw just how uncomfortable you really were. And he spoke up about it when he saw it going a bit too far. When Chanyeol got too touchy or too bold, he was usually the one to smack him upside the head and tell him to back off or pull you away. He was good like that. And it was nice to know that someone knew and was actually on your side.

Sehun had been a fixture in your friend group since high school. You hadn’t been very close to him at first because he was more on the quiet side and didn’t go out of his way to talk to you. Not to mention, the kid was intimidating as hell with all his leather jackets and ripped jeans and sharp, penetrating eyes.

Put bluntly, he scared the shit out of you the first time you met him. But then you saw him smile for the first time, saw the sweet blush that coated his cheeks when the older boys teased him, heard that goofy, high pitched laugh that rang like the loveliest bells in your ears, felt that unfamiliar fluttering in your chest. And you knew that you were done for.

The two of you hung out a lot in your freshman year of college, going on late night drives and blasting music and just living. For a while you thought that maybe— just maybe there was something there. A spark. A chance.

But he never made a move, and neither did you. Then there was Chanyeol and his flirting and annoyingly persistent determination to fuck you. Things got complicated and nothing ever ended up happening between the two of you. You thought you’d at least keep up the same momentum in your relationship, but Sehun started pulling away from you. His late night visits became less frequent, his texts dwindling to almost nonexistent, and his presence in your life becoming less and less every day. It hurt. But what the hell were you going to do about it? It was frustrating at first, but you got over it.

... kind of.

... not really.

That’s besides the point.

When you didn’t answer, Sehun sighed, taking a few tentative steps before dropping onto the couch beside you. You weren’t too sure how to feel about the space he left between you. It almost felt representative of the distance that had grown between the two of you in the past year. You didn’t like it.

“It’s not cool what he’s doing to you, you know that, right?” He asked, tilting his head at you. Concern shone through his gentle eyes, uncertainty. You couldn’t ignore the way your chest warmed at the thought that he cared. He cared about you, about your feelings. He cared, and you couldn’t begin to describe the immense joy that ignited inside of you. But you bit your lip to keep from smiling, to keep from sighing blissfully and melting into the familiar comfort of his presence brought you. The seriousness in his gaze kept you upright and alert, the topic at hand pulling you down from the brief high and you nodded gently.

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

Sehun pursed his lips, a thoughtful candescence falling over his handsome features. “I’ve known Chanyeol for a long time. He’s not a bad guy, but he is a fucking idiot and doesn’t always realize when he’s being a fucking idiot so sometimes you just gotta slap him in the face and tell him straight up to get his shit together. And he will.”

Just then, you spotted Chanyeol sauntering out of the kitchen, a water bottle gripped in his hand, a hazy kind of smirk on his face. You watched him toss an arm around Minseok’s shoulder and whisper something in his ear, tipping his head in your direction.

“You want him to back off?” You flinched at the unexpected closeness of Sehun’s voice, and made the mistake of turning to face him. He was close. So close. Close enough to count his eyelashes if you wanted. Close enough to see the faded pink of the scar on his cheek. Close enough to smell the subtle wisp of his earthy cologne. Close enough to feel the heat radiating off his skin. Your heart began thundering violently in your chest, a blazing heat blossoming beneath your skin.

“Yeah.” The word came out as less than a breathless whisper. You didn’t miss the way his eyes flashed down to your lips, before quickly snapping back up to your eyes, searching them with a tenderness that made your heart throb.

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes.” There wasn’t a moment of hesitation, not the faintest hint of uncertainty. It was the truth. You trusted him.

He glanced out of the corner of his eye, and you followed his gaze to find Chanyeol standing across the room staring intently in your direction with brows furrowed. Gentle fingers pressing into the curve of your jaw drew your attention back to the man sitting in front of you. Ever so slightly, he tipped his face closer, his nose nudging against yours. Shallow, insufficient inhales swirled in your lungs as your eyes fluttered, utterly overwhelmed by the mere closeness of him.

“Then follow my lead.”

His lips met yours with a gentleness you weren’t entirely prepared for. They were light and cautious, waiting to see whether you’d push him off or pull him in. He let out a soft breath of relief at the feeling of your hand curling around the back of his neck, urging him closer. In an instant, he relinquished his restrains, melting into the warm pressure of your lips as you simultaneously melted into his.

You’ve experienced your fair share of kisses in the past. But something about this one — whether it was the slow, deep pace of it, or the lingering presence of ring clad fingers tracing the length of your throat, or the mere fact that it was with Oh Sehun, the boy that could set your heart ablaze with a single smile — there was just something about this kiss.

When he pulled away, you could still feel the phantom warmth, tingling on your skin. You refused to open your eyes, trying to keep the sensation alive as long as possible.

“Is that alright?”

Finally, you looked at him. And god, had you ever seen a man so beautiful? His cheeks were flushed a soft, endearing pink, deep chocolate eyes hooded and melting, lips just a touch darker in shade then they had been before. You were so awestruck by him that it took you an extra moment to realize that he’d asked you a question.

You nodded, tightening your hold around his neck in order to pull him closer and breathe the word into his open mouth before closing the distance completely, “Yes.”

Immediately following your consent, any and all of Sehun’s lingering reservations vanished. His hands dropped away from your neck, one coiling tightly around the curve of your waist and flattening against the small of your back, the other gripping your jean clad thigh and tugging it gentle over his lap. The new position ignited a dangerously familiar heat in the pit of your stomach, that quickly began to swell into something large and uncontainable, spurred by the delicious pressure of his fingers and skilled movements of his lips.

He groaned deeply as you tugged at his hair, silky tendrils clenched in a tight fist. The sound resonated through your body, vibrating in your chest and shooting straight down to your growing arousal.

“Fuck that was sexy.”

A low chuckle rumbled in his throat and you realized with an embarrassed flush that you’d said that out loud. But the buzz of nerve was quickly soothed when he mumbled breathlessly, “right back atcha.”

He emphasized his point by sinking his teeth into the sensitive flesh of your lower lip and tugging, eliciting a low, drawn out moan from the depths of your chest. Smooth flicks of his tongue soothed the afflicted skin, before he asked for permission to enter, not waiting a single moment to dive in when it was granted.

Feeling the burn of someone’s stare, your eyes flicked open for a moment, sliding lazily over to where Chanyeol still stood, seemingly rooted into the spot. His eyes were wide, lips gaping, cheeks flushed, though you couldn’t tell if it was from the alcoholic something else entirely. The grip he had on his water bottle had tightened substantial, and you couldn’t help the mild smugness that washed over you.

Without breaking to kiss, you kept your gaze on Chanyeol, making sure he was watching as you slid a hand around the front of Sehun’s throat, and captured his tongue between your lips, sucking gently. If possible, his mouth fell open even wider, eyes looking ready to pop out of his damn skull. Smirking to yourself, you cocked a brow at the gaping man. He visibly swallowed, before his eyes suddenly snapped down. You followed his gaze curiously and nearly scoffed in disbelief.

Of course he’d get a hard on from watching something like this. Nasty fucker.

“He still watching?” Sehun mumbled, detaching his mouth from yours only long enough to get the words out. You hummed softly in confirmation, shivering when you felt the slow upward curl of his lips. “Good. Let’s give him a show.”

In an instant, Sehun pulled you over to straddle his lap. Warm hands roamed over your body, though careful to keep a respectful distance from anything he thought you might not want him touching. You appreciated the sentiment, but with Sehun? You didn’t need respectful.

The younger boy faltered beneath you, chest swelling with a deep inhale when you reached around to grab hold of his wrists and slowly lowered them to the swells of your ass. He groaned roughly, fingers digging greedily into the jean clad flesh and pulling you flush against him.

You gasped when you felt him beneath you, hot and hard right between your hips. The rough friction made you clench and shudder, wetness spilling from your core and soaking through your panties. You probably should have been concerned about the heavy arousal seeping through the thick material of your jeans, but your mind was too far gone in the intoxicating warmth of his kiss that you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

“Fuck, Sehun.” You hissed, hips rolling hungrily over his.

“Baby.” He purred in response, and you swear you nearly had a fucking aneurism on the spot. Baby. Baby. Oh Sehun just called you baby. How long had you waited to hear him call you that? Too fucking long.

A desperate whimper pulsed from your throat, so entirely unlike you that it took even you by surprise. He didn’t seem to mind, pulling you so tightly against him that your ribs ached. But the pain was welcome, melting into a delicious cocktail with the fierce pleasure pulsing through your every cell.

“I don’t think he’s watching anymore.” Sehun breathed, glancing over your shoulder.

“I don’t care.”

You weren’t concerned about Chanyeol any more, far more focused on how Sehun’s lips tasted like mint and honey, and not like alcohol. The fact that he hadn’t drank made you feel even better, if that were possible.

Honest to god you probably would have fucked him right then and there on that couch in front of everyone (and felt damn good about it too) if not for the gentle pressure of Sehun’s fingers digging into your rolling hips, forcing their slow grinding to come to an abrupt halt. You pulled away from him then, completely out of breath and more turned on than you’d been in your entire life. Sehun was in a similar state, panting and flushed, damn near throbbing in the tight confines of his sexy ripped jeans.

“What is it?” You asked, still panting.

He shot you a lopsided grin. “As much as I would love to fuck your brains out in front of all these self centered assholes...” a hand drifted up the line of your body, delicate fingers following the cut of your jaw to trace over the seam of your bottom lip. “I think I’d prefer our first time together to be somewhere a bit more… private? Intimate? Somewhere I can treat you how you deserve to be treated.”

Your heart fluttered in your chest, warmth spreading through your body in thick, invigorating waves.

“What’d you have in mind?” You asked softly, feathering your lips over his. He smiled.

“I know this great pancake place that’s open 24/7, best milkshakes you’ve ever had. Then maybe afterward we could... chill at my place. What do you say?” Laughter bubbled at your lips as he mimicked the same line Chanyeol had used on you earlier with a cheesy grin.

And yet, the feeling was entirely different.

Sucking your lips into your mouth, you nodded shyly, arms going slack over his broad shoulders.

“Only if you’re paying.” You hummed playfully.

“Fine,” he sighed dramatically, “I’ll make an exception to my ‘seniors always pay rule’ just this once. Only for you.”

Only for you.

You could definitely get used to that.

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rinharu-purple · 3 years ago

Note

Emmm 👉👈 can i request Gavin's spring festival date analysis?! Ehem especially when Gavin said "I've waited a long time for today.." 💙

But Of course if you're not busy.. I'll wait patiently.. I just.. love read your analysis 💙 like i can feel your love and dedication for Gavin.. a lot of Gavin stan is very smart and loyal.. just like Gavin itself

Hello nonny and of course you can! Thank you for your lovely ask and reading my posts. It makes me really happy to hear this 💞 I can also double up what you've said, Our birdcop is smart and loyal and I really love being a part of Gavin-standom which includes so many talented writers, artists, analysts and it has @cheri-translates! There are so many great posts from various accounts and one can feel the love, passion and loyalty towards Gavin in all of them! 💫

An analysis on Spring Festival date is so overdue, so it is me who should apologize for not having written this before. I will more than gladly include your request scene, I hope you enjoy it ^_^

MC Testing Waters: Spring Festival Date

At the beginning of the game, MC is a young woman with lots of love in her heart, however without much experience in love. Fortunately this starts to change when she meets LIs as adults.

Spring Festival Date takes place after Firework Date and before the Romantic Date, although the timeline is quite messy, which I will come to by the end of this analysis.

If you look closely, you can see MC checking Gavin's romantic feelings towards her by using this "boyfriend game" and also uses the opportunity to get beyond his hardened exterior and touch his vulnerable side 💗

Spoilers start below this line

This date comes to, because MC lies to her aunt about having a boyfriend to avoid arranged blind dates and even promises to visit her on New Years with her boyfriend. Speculatively it seemed like a solid play, until...the time literally came.

Thinktanking about a way out of this with Kiki and Willow, they weight different options as to tell them she broke up with him, leave the city or call in sick but then the best wingman on earth Minor saves the way and suggests that she just takes a "fake boyfriend" with her, surely enough with Gavin in his mind.

MC goes through her contacts list to search for a suitable candidate, but her heart Whispers her the answer by skipping a beat as her fingertips scroll down to one name.

... Gavin

As such... MC has chosen her player for the game and Gavin's Heart Trial with MC's family commences...

---Press Start---

Creativity Test

Unluckily Gavin actually shows up for this highly important date late, with his phone off! From the storyline he arrives a couple of minutes late to MC’s aunt's place, thus starting the game one point behind. He was late because he was buying presents for the whole family! With the spot on gifts which are well received by the family because they're expensive, imported goods, limited products, cute and thoughtful he makes up for the lost points.

But it's just the first stage and he has 3 more stages to clear, the pressure is slowly rising.

This gray suit has a lovely story behind it, which you can find by the end of the story.

Decision Test

Gavin has passed the creativity test with flying colors, but in the second stage more challenging questions are on the menu. The eldest aunt wants to know Gavin's age, occupation, salary(?!) and possessions(?!). The last two questions are fairly over the line and is a no-no in my country. Asking people about their financial status as well as bragging about it is perceived as rude and insolent, that's why the way Gavin answers these questions skillfully without bragging about his wealth adds just another brick on my Gavin-temple.

Age: 24

Occupation: Police Officer

Salary: Covers the bills

Possessions: A flat in the city and a motorcycle.

In my Prank date analysis, I've mentioned about Gavin's ability to deal with impertinence and also here, he stays friendly, but only answers the questions necessary to get through with the situation. MCs family is checking whether he's wealthy enough to take care of MC (which is sad that in the 21st century that in some countries women need to be financially secured by men). So Gavin just gives them just the right enough of information to pass the test and pass he does.

There is another aspect to his way of answering though. You see, Gavin is an unmaterialistic man. He doesn't care about money or any other meta. He doesn't touch upon the fact that he's coming from a wealthy family, or that he inherits his grandparents house or that he can afford designer dresses, overseas travels or gems without giving a second thought. That shows just how humble Gavin is and I love him for it. What defines him is not his wealth, nor does he allow anyone define him on his financial status. It's his character, the values he stand for, the vision he embodies, the way he treats MC.. Ehm.. And.. His champion body and drop dead gorgeous looks (comes as an extra;))

But the game is far from over, because the family council is now going to challenge him on...

Affinity Test

This is where things get rosy as the family would like to know how they've met and whether they've been together since high school.

Look, Gavin is actually not playing a game, but living the moment. He is well aware of the fact that once he and MC become an official pair, he will be standing on the same spot a year later. He is serious...

So when they ask about their affection, he gives them his genuine answer and confesses his crush on her during high school and says that they've been going out since fall. This dazzles MC, as if she hasn't been dazzled enough lol.

The three glasses of drink he gulps surely has a role in this sincerity and taking three glasses of a drink as a punishment also becomes a tradition for MC and Gavin in the future.

And so, he proudly passes the Affinity Test with flying colors, effortlessly. Only one more stage and he's done it!

Execution Test

Every hero has his moment, when the fight takes a gloomier turn against his favor and the odds don't look good as before when he gets a strong blow, that is when the family hits him with the question "Don't you get alone well with your family?".

This is Gavin's weak spot, his cryptonite, his bleeding wound and MC's family just pressed on it. What makes this scene so heartbreaking is not just the topic itself and we know why it is a sensitive topic for Gavin but also that Gavin actually tries to signal them that this is not his favorite topic. He tells them he doesn't go home for holidays (friendly warning number 1), the aunties pushes by telling him to take some meal with him to which he replies "Thanks, but that's okay. I've been away for a long time" (friendly warning number 2) the family pushes further and as a one last resort he tells them that during college he rarely went there and spent holidays working afterwards (friendly warning number 3). Sadly the auntie than ignorantly ask whether his family doesn't worry about him and now because he's given three fair warning shots which, he downright gives them a brief and resolute answer:

- No.

That's usually the latest where people with common sense stop digging in further. Unfortunately then the auntie asks whether he doesn't get along well with his family to which Gavin no longer responds. This is the perfect way of dealing with such people and Gavin has a very intuitive talent for dealing different people from different mindsets. Give them three friendly and fair warnings, still pushing? Then give them a last chance by one final brief and to the point answer, they choose to ignore the signal? Stop interacting, you can only waste time beyond this point.

The only problem with this situation here, is that these people are not just somebody, Gavin wants to win these people over, so he cannot just ignore them. But also he cannot do it without a timeout, so he goes to grab some wine. (God it makes me so sorry everytime he has to face his family drama or is misjudged. I just wanna hug him bring him hot cocoa, give him a backrub and bring spicy food for him. Luckily he has MC ^_^)

But let's not talk only about about Gavin, because MC is struggling too. And we should recognize her stick up for him with the most cherishing words:

-Auntie, you got it wrong. He is a decent and pure man and has come to my aid many time and in quite dangerous circumstances.

When she comes back however cannot find Gavin, once she does, a heartwarming moment blooms between them.

This scene is very crucial in Gavin and MC's relationship because this is the first time MC sees Gavin tired and flustered. She feels sad for him but also happy for herself, for she feels as though she gets closer to him, thus seeing the real Gavin. By the way she show him her genuine care, Gavins heart melts and kisses the back of her hand as a gesture and so the first intimate moment involving them having a kiss ensues. Furthermore, they show each other their mutual care, which brings them one step closer and this gives Gavin the only courage he needs to tackle the situation.

When our hero gets the courage and the stamina he need from his girl, nothing can stop him now. Having gatherer his strength, Gavin returns to the dinner table:

“I am so happy to be here with you all today. In fact, I haven't felt this atmosphere of family in a long time. I have a very strict father and a brother I seldom see...I don’t even know when I turned into such a loner. Eating alone, sleeping alone, doing everything alone...until I met her. It was a beautiful autumn day. The gingko leaves were floating in the wind. I was also going through a pretty dark time. But she saved me before I hit bottom...It’s she who told me I could live a stronger life. And it’s also she who told me I could live a more tender life. I never felt lonely before, until I met her. I started to get used to star-gazing with her, having dinner with her, spending the New Year’s with her. In the future, I'll give it my all to stay with her, to take good care of her and love her. I wanna make up many times over for all the times I wasn't there”

MC’s heart stopped, aunties eyes teary, the elder Aunt want his actions to back up these words and thus Gavin has a pass from MC's family. Now that he's won the game, it's time to collect his prize.

After they leave MC's aunt's house, our lovebirds walk together in the night full of fireworks and Gavin tells Mc that Minor has mentored him on being the perfect son-in-law, hence he was late. He also asks her what she would do if he didn't show up, to which she says that her intuition says that he won't fail her and he murmurs quietly:

- I've waited a long time for today.

Of course he doesn't repeats himself when MC asks him about what he just said. But that's what kept him going all night long.

He has waited for six whole years to meet her again, to stand by here, take good care of her and love her. Tonight, he could do them all by being her "boyfriend", giving his word to her family and having their blessings. He could see that she also cares a lot for him, worries about him and wants to be there for him. He landed his lips for the first time on her delicate skin and could give her warmth.

He could finally confess his feelings for her and say the genuine things he will only say to her.

So yes, he has waited for a long time for this moment to come and when it came, he made sure to grab it tightly.

----—----—---

Timeline issues:

- The order of the dates in the game doesn't always reflect the real course of events. The grey suit that Gavin wears is actually bought after Romantic Date, which takes place after this date.

-Even though MC plans this whole game to avert blind dates, but she still gets set up later on a blind date by another aunt lol.

Thank you once again for your patience nonny and I hope that the analysis proves to be worthy of your wait 💗

Masterlist

For MC's confession let me take you here

For Gavin and MCs relationship milestones here

For a fun trivia about this date you can click here

#Meeting the family is important #Gavin preparing for being the perfect son in law #And getting help from Minor #Anon asks #mlqc #mlqc gavin #mlqc bai qi #mlqc haku #mlqc baek gi #mr love queen's choice #koi to producer #Meta #Analysis #Saturday night #Saturday

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x0401x · 4 years ago

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Jeweler Richard Fanbook Short Story #14

Feel free to message me about possible corrections, and please consider supporting the creators by purchasing digital copies of the official releases: Novel || Manga || Fanbook. In case anyone is feeling generous: Ko-fi | PayPal. ( ╹◡╹)っ’･*

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Santa Invasion

“What’s this?”

“Ice cream.”

“Well, I can tell that much just by looking, but...”

“To be precise, it is an ice cream cake.”

A gigantic ladybug was sitting on the low table. Its vivid red and dark brown-like black shades were definitely berries and chocolate. The back was decorated with flowers like marguerite. It was adorable. And huge. It was a hemispherical cake that looked like a basket ball cut in half, the name of a store from Dogenzaka printed on its box. It was 7PM. The last customer had left, I was done with the cleaning and all we had left to do was closing the store. It was still the second week of December, so the mayhem of making provisions for winter presents was a few ways ahead, but the number of clients was increasing little by little.

Just what on earth would this beautiful jeweler come up in such times?

Due to a habit of his from whenever he had something that was hard to say aloud and thus failed to speak up, Mr. Richard Ranashinghe de Vulpian had a serious crease forming just slightly between his brows. It made me feel at ease. This guy didn’t make a face like this when he was burdened with something that was actually difficult to say. He would speak more bland and expressionlessly instead.

“This is a little souvenir.”

“Are you going to a customer’s place after this?”

Richard’s reply was a gentle “no” in English.

He’d been often speaking a mix of Japanese and English lately. When English-speaking customers came by, he would switch completely to English as if for practical assessment, so I was desperate just to keep up with listening to them. I was grateful for having him as my English conversation teacher.

“A certain good-for-nothing who works with finances is currently in Japan, so...”

“Ah, Jeffrey-san, is it? He seemed so busy last time... Sorry, forget what I just said.”

“No need. That is a correct interpretation, so it is nothing to apologize about.”

Despite saying this, Richard’s facial expression did not seem even remotely satisfied as he swiftly took an indigo envelope out of his pocket. It had no seal, so it must have been handed over to him. The content was a pop-out card, and under a paper-craft cake colored with gold leaves and uneven printing, it was written in very tasteful Japanese: “I’m going to hold a party at the hotel, so come over. I’ll be waiting.” The date of the party was today and the place was the room of a luxury hotel in Tokyo. A home party? No, a hotel party.

The title was “Richard’s birthday party”. The plate of the pop-up cake didn’t say “Merry Christmas”. It said “Happy Birthday”.

Christmas Eve on the 24th was this beautiful shopkeeper’s birthday.

As I returned the card to him, a crease once again formed between Richard’s brows as he said with an unsparingly decisive tone, “How very embarrassing.”

“Doesn’t seem so much like it from your face.”

“Because I practiced making it. But this is extremely embarrassing. I think it is not something that warrants going through the trouble of arranging a plane ticket.”

“I wonder if anyone else will be going.”

“It seems Chieko will attend. I received an e-mail yesterday saying, ‘I am going to show up as a surprise so please take care of me’.”

“Is that even a surprise? Well, okay.”

Chieko-san was Richard and Jeffrey’s private tutor in the past and I was acquainted with her to some degree. I wondered if Homura-san, who had married her daughter, was also coming. No, not happening. He was a customer of Etranger, so Richard would probably feel abashed if he did so.

“If it goes on like this, the people lying in wait in that room will just gang up into an assembly to celebrate me.”

“What even is ‘ganging up to celebrate’?”

“They are ganging up on me. I likely will not be able to say anything other than ‘thank you very much’. I need reinforcements. If you would like, could you come with me?”

“Me too? That okay?”

“Of course. The party starts at 8PM probably because it coincides with Etranger’s closing hours. That British safe-like man is not narrow-minded enough to leave you out.”

It was written there that the party would begin at 8PM. We had 30 minutes. There was no spare time to make a pudding. What to do? What should I do?

Richard was apparently unable to let my groaning an “ngh, ngh” while deep in thought go unnoticed. “If it is impossible for you, just say so right away. I know that you are at the final stage of studying for your exams.”

“That doesn’t matter. Why didn’t you tell me a bit earlier about this? If I knew, I could’ve made preparations for it... Aah, is that why?”

“It is. I recall saying that you should refrain from being overly distracted.”

“I don’t think a ‘celebration’ is ‘overly distracting’, though.”

“Anything is fine, so please answer. Will you come or not?”

He didn’t have to go as far as asking me something like that.

I bowed in a way that wouldn’t cause any hairs to fall onto the ice cream ladybug. “I shall humbly accompany you.”

“Very well.”

“Sorry, but before that, I gotta go to the toilet for a bit.”

I hastily rushed to Etranger’s restroom and unlocked my phone in a flash. I then tapped on the e-mail app. Of course, the destination could only be one person.

“Help. I’m sorry but I just got informed about the birthday party, so I have no present.”

Jeffrey-san.

The contents of the message were not at all on a level that someone should send to the person they owed their life to, but he would understand.

The reply came in a matter of seconds. As expected, he worked fast.

“Good evening. I have everything, so there’s no problem if you come empty-handed. There will be champagne, canapés, chicken pie and cake, and I plan to have chocolate fondue coming up at the end.”

There was a proud smiley emoji at the end of the text. It seemed this was going to be a big deal.

Richard would probably have work tomorrow, and he wasn’t the type to get wasted or stuff his face with sweets in the middle of the night. It seemed I also wouldn’t have to worry about dinner. It made me feel sorry. This was the same old pattern. This course of eating and seeing good stuff amidst the confusion of the moment made my stomach hurt when I thought better about it.

“Don’t you know anything that Richard wanted?”

The response came after a moment, “My bad, but nothing comes to mind. How about you give him what you want most?”

What I wanted most. I could only think of refill shampoo and new socks. I’d be ashamed of giving things like that to Richard. After all, this was a mixture of birthday and Christmas party—

Just as I was thinking this, a genius inspiration sprouted in my head. It wasn’t the best solution. Not at all. But I felt it could work. This was too obvious, but if only I had the necessary materials for it, I could do it immediately.

Making up my mind, I came out of the restroom, apologized for making Richard wait, and as we rode to the designated address on the jaguar, I had him stop the car in front of a mass retailer for a moment. I told him I wanted to buy refill shampoo for my home. Richard was exasperated, but didn’t have any suspicions in particular.

We arrived at the hotel, got into the elevator, and on the way to the party venue, I made sure to walk a bit behind Richard. Staying out of his sight was essential.

When he opened the door to the suite, sure enough, Jeffrey-san and Chieko-san were waiting inside. Giving off a relaxed atmosphere, a room-service feast even bigger than what I had imagined from the phone call was waiting on the table for the main guest.

“Happy birthday, Richard. Chieko’s here too. Surprised?”

“Of course. Very surprised. Extremely.”

“Hmm, by the looks of it, I guess there was some information leak. Well, that’s okay! Where’s Nakata-kun?”

“What do you mean ‘where’? He’s right here. Seigi... Seigi?”

My eyes locked with Richard’s. I had locked them with Jeffrey-san’s before that. I was grateful that he had done me the favor of not laughing.

I politely shook my head at my boss, who was making a flabbergasted face. “My name is Santa.”

What I had bought at the mass retailer was a handy Santa makeover set. The three-piece set consisted of a hat, a put-on beard and a Santa costume, but I hadn’t had time to change into the costume, so it was folded up in my bag. I intended to borrow the suite’s bathroom to put on the costume. If I at least had my face ready, I could somehow make it work.

Richard was dumbfounded. It was the obvious reaction. But I wanted him to forgive me for this. After all, it was December and today was a party day.

“I’m Santa Claus! I came from the North Pole. Please take care of me for today!” After introducing myself, I thought that maybe this wasn’t an exemplary self-introduction for Santa, but it was already too late.

Jeffrey-san, who completely livened up the mood whenever he got excited, went along with the joke, saying, “Wah, Santa-san, thank you for coming from such a faraway place!”

I was grateful for that one. And that was how I got away with playing the role of a worldwide mascot-like old man character from the Arctic for the day. The ice cream cake brought by the star of the party was a success, and we had a toast with both champagne and royal milk tea. Chieko-san was wearing a kimono, the remade peridot brooch on her chest.

It had already been more than half a year since then, but to my body, it felt like even longer ago.

My location had moved from Japan to Sri Lanka, as one would expect, and I was busy fully enjoying a spring in which white temple flowers were blooming in Kandy, my new home. But for some reason, Santa was here. A beautiful blond, blue-eyed man slipped in and out of sight, but his outward appearance was that of Santa Claus. It was the kind of Santa costume that you could buy at the costume section of any mass retailer. One of the sad things about unmatched beauty was the fact nobody could actually claim that his natural beauty was ruined by the look. The brilliance of his blue eyes, which looked like they could suck you in, was the same as ever.

“I am Santa Claus. I came from the North Pole.”

“But now’s a hot time of the year.”

“Santa Claus is a symbol of summer in the Southern Hemisphere. I do not think it is particularly strange.”

“T-That might be true. Well, then... what’re you doing?”

“Santa does what Santa does. The tradition of Santa Claus, much like the language of jewels, has a wide variety of legends to it depending on the region, but either way, the role of a saint who grants blessings to little children, women and those in need is a guise commonly demanded in society. And for you, here it is.” Saying this, “Santa” offered me a plastic, loose stone display case that I was all too familiar with. There was a red stone stuck between the cushion and transparent lid. “Can you identify this gemstone?”

“Tourmaline, I guess. Red tourmaline.”

“Good for you. Did you know that it has one more name?”

“Rubellite.”

“Perfect. Large, pinkish-red tourmalines are called by that name, and it is a stone of which huge carved crystals have been loved as works of art, such as the amulet of Empress Dowager Cixi and the Romanov royal treasure, the ‘Strawberry Pendant’.”

As I peeked at the stone inside the case, humming that it was pretty, the beautiful jeweler cleared his throat and started over.

“Just as people’s feelings dwell within beautiful stones, this one is filled with the feeling of celebrating the start of your new life, from your family back in Japan, your friends and your superior at work, with whom you have a relationship other than the aforementioned and that neither of us knows how to define. Santa is wholly thankful for being in the position to bestow you with such a gift. I forgot to say it, but happy birthday. Nakata Seigi-san. I sincerely pray, all the way from my home in the Arctic, that this year will be a fruitful one for you.”

“Thank you. Seriously, thank you for always, Richa...”

“Santa. I am a passing Santa.”

“Then let’s go with that. By the way, if you’re Santa, where are the reindeers?”

When asked this, the man in disguise answered with a cool gaze that the reindeers were using stealth technology nowadays so that they wouldn’t be found by radars, hence they couldn’t be seen. He had it down to the details.

“It’s been about ten years since the last time Santa-san came around. I’ll take good care of this. Santa-san, you take care of your body too. I’ll ask my boss next time I see him about the person who gave you this stone.”

“You should. Well, then.” With a bow, Santa left for a car parked in the courtyard. I probably wasn’t supposed to see him off. I’d feel bad for the stealth reindeers.

The red stone stayed in my hand.

I had told a white lie. It hadn’t been ten years since Santa had last showed up. This was the first time ever since I was born. In my home, there was always someone playing the role of “Santa”, such as Hiromi, Grandma and Nakata-san, so they never tried to tell me nice lies. Nakata-san probably just followed Hiromi’s way of doing things, though. The fact I thought up something like that last December, when Jeffrey asked me what I “wanted most”, might not have been unrelated to this. At any rate, to me, not even once was there any supernatural existence who would leave toys by my bedside if I were a good kid. Until this day.

After a while of standing by the garden, where it was always summer, and listening closely to the cries of birds with my eyes closed, I unlocked my phone. The Wi-Fi range of the house seemed good, and so I could send e-mails immediately. The contents were simple. The destination was my boss, Richard.

“Santa came to my place. But he left so quick that I couldn’t make him tea.”

The reply soon came: “Are you half-asleep?”

If he really thought that I was half-asleep, then maybe I should delay the reply for a few more minutes, I thought, but I didn’t write anything further. The house’s cleaning was half-assed and I had to check the security. I also wanted to know as many of my neighbors as could.

Together with the feeling that I had suddenly been given something I had forgotten, and that I didn’t even know I had forgotten, I put rubellite in the jewelry safe and stepped out into the Sri Lankan provincial city. I had nothing to fear and no hesitation. The ill feeling that I’d be living here alone had disappeared. After all, Santa had come by. Far from elementary school, I was now an adult who had already graduated from university, and it currently wasn’t December but May, where the only anniversary I could think of was my own birthday, yet Santa had come by. Such an impossible thing had happened.

So I could do my best, I thought.

And so, I could be getting ahead of myself, but I began thinking about my plans for this December. Would there be a second chance for Santa to appear? If not, I wanted to make one. I decided to fuss over the outfit a little more and prepare proper gifts this time. Then I’d tell him stories about jewels and try to make him laugh a lot. That, too, was Santa’s duty.

#housekishou richard shi no nazo kantei #housekishou richard #jeweler richard #the case files of jeweler richard #nakata seigi #richard ranashinha de vulpian #richard ranashinghe de vulpian #richard #jr short story collection #jeffrey claremont #novel #tsujimura nanako #yukihiro utako #my translation

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irkimatsu · 4 years ago

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Okay, after way too much delay - it's my Eurovision 2021 Final Ranking! This took me a while for a lot of factors - took extra hours at work to make sure I could get time off this week, some recent family events... and most relevantly, the fact that this year is so damn good that no matter what, I knew someone was going to get ripped off by ending up somewhere in the bottom half. Just know that being toward the bottom of the list doesn't necessarily mean I dislike it, especially this year - it just means I like other things more. This year is going to be an absolute bloodbath. I am both excited and terrified.

Try not to take my ranking too seriously, by the way - I'm an American who unironically listens to stuff like Scooch and Dolly Style. I'm not exactly a seasoned music critic. I just know what sort of music makes the happiness center of my brain light up, what the hell is music theory

Ranking made with the sorter at http://esc.gerbear.com/sorter2021.htm, then slightly adjusted when it put some songs concerningly low on the list. Okay, so I cheated a little

Firstly, in the interest in completion - if Belarus didn't get disqualified, they'd be in the big fat 40 rank, with a big bold "Hate" right above. Fuck that song. I've only listened to it once and am so glad I have no obligation to acknowledge it any further. Those fucking lyrics. Mother of Christ. Fuck you guys.

I also offer my condolences to Armenia for their having to bow out this year. I'm sure whatever you guys sent, it couldn't have possibly been worse than "Chains On You".

Now, for the songs that actually matter:

Indifferent:

39 – Spain - “Voy a quedarme” by Blas Cantó: Welp, already I’m gonna get shot. I can’t remember how this song sounds at all. I know it’s tender and genuine and sweet and everything… I just… kinda don’t care. Nothing to say. I liked his entry last year even more, and even that was pretty damn dull. Just not destined to be a Blas Cantó fan, I guess!

38 - North Macedonia – “Here I Stand” by Vasil: I’m with most other rankings I’ve seen; what the hell is this? I at least kinda remember it, which is more than I can say for poor Spain, but oh my god it’s so boring. I really liked “You” last year! What the hell happened, Vasil?

37 – Albania - “Karma” by Anxhela Peristeri: Another “oops” from me, huh. It’s another one I immediately forget about the instant it ends. I at least don’t remember it boring the crap out of me, hence it placing higher than Spain and Macedonia, but I still can’t say anything nice about it – or anything at all, really – so I’ll leave it this low. I acknowledge that I’m in the minority, I won’t protest if it qualifies, but personally, it’s not my pick.

36 – Georgia – “You” by Tornike Kipiani: Give him points for passion, I suppose! At least I’m not laughing at him like I was last year. On the other hand, less ridiculous also means more boring. Points for earnestness, but this is just another song that goes right over my head.

35 – Portugal – “Love Is On My Side” by The Black Mamba: An English song from Portugal? That’s new. Too bad it hasn’t rescued the song from the darkest depths of Boring. I will confess that I spice it up a little by associating it with Homura from Osomatsu-san, thus rescuing it from the deepest pits of my ranking list… but it’s still stuck down here. Portugal and I have never gotten along well Eurovision-wise. I’ve come to accept that.

34 – Slovenia – “Amen” by Ana Soklič: I’m gonna call this a song that I respect more than I like. She’s got a great voice, I can’t deny that… but when I’m ranking this purely based on what I’d go out of my way to listen to, this one falls flat. I warned you at the beginning that I have no taste! I’m not normally into straightforward ballads, the religious connotations are lost on me… this isn’t the song for me.

33 – Austria – “Amen” by Vincent Bueno: Back to back “Amen”s! Tip for getting me to like your Eurovision entry, apparently, is “don’t call your song Amen”. It’s a ballad, earnest and trying but overall not my type of music. I’m running out of ways to say that. Breakup song, a tad bitter, we’ve all heard this sort of song so many times before. It doesn’t stand out, and I think it’d be a waste of a spot in the final.

At least, I thought this was a breakup song when I first wrote this, but apparently it’s about the death of a loved one…? I would say that makes me hate the bitterness, but… given how I’m handling a death in my own family right now… god, I don’t know. I just can’t handle this song, not at any time but especially not now. It doesn’t even provide catharsis like a song later on in the list. It stays this low regardless of its meaning, I just don’t like it, I’m sorry, moving on.

…” 'Cause it all feels like you didn't even try to save us, all this time wasted on a lie”… ugh, my personal problems…

32 – Switzerland – “Tout l'Univers” by Gjon’s Tears: Another one I respect more than I like, and another opinion I’m gonna get my ass beaten for, I’m sure. I respect the artistry, but this is so far removed from anything I’d ever listen to on purpose. It might have landed even lower if I wasn’t afraid of pissing people off. I’ll understand if it wins, but I’ll also be hoping for most anything else.

31 – Russia – “Russian Woman” by Manizha: I don’t get it. Sometimes it’s pleasant enough to listen to, but overall I don’t get it. It’s unique, I’ll give it that! I understand why it won its national final, and why so many people enjoy it! But for me, it doesn’t quite cross that line between “interesting” and “enjoyable”. I'm not Russian - this isn't for me, and it wasn't supposed to be. Though I will confess that there may be some bias at play here. God, I miss Little Big…

Okay:

30 – Estonia – “The Lucky One” by Uku Suviste: The voice is okay, the music is okay, I like how the bitterness is handled here more than in Austria’s… but this is still as high as I can go on this one. It’s serviceable, but this year has so much better to offer.

29 – Sweden – “Voices” by Tusse: Sweden really does like sending the same song over and over again, huh? I don’t hate it, but it does strike me as a lesser “Too Late For Love”, sound wise. Sweden almost never takes risks, and it’s causing me to look over them more and more with every year. I respect it too much to put it in the “Indifferent” category, but given how the rest of my ranking played out, this the best I can do for it. (But again, do not trust the opinions of someone who teethed on cheesy Europop and fondly remembers when Sweden was flooded with the stuff…)

28 – Belgium – “The Wrong Place” by Hooverphonic: Once again, Hooverphonic help Belgium fill the role of Eurovision’s “Most Likely To Appear In A Bond Movie” song. It’s fine. It’s a song! I don’t know what else to say about it! It does its job well enough, it’s just not really a job I care for that much.

27 – Ireland – “Maps” by Lesley Roy: It’s cute enough! A cute little radio tune. It’s no “Story Of My Life”, though. If “22” couldn’t qualify then this probably won’t, either, and I can’t say I’ll miss it all that much. Still pleasant enough when it comes up on the shuffle.

26 – Bulgaria – “Growing Up Is Getting Old” by Victoria: I admit it, this ranks as high as it does because of anime and that’s basically it. If I was still doing plain category sortings this would have landed straight in “Biased”. My favorite anime is about a bunch of 20-somethings learning that growing up sucks and trying as hard as possible to avoid it, and I first heard this song around the same time that I watched that show’s relatively melancholy season finale, so it ended up sticking with me on that note. Don’t have much to say about it musically, just that it makes me picture sextuplets crying and that’s one of my hobbies, so I’ll grant it an “Okay”. (It may also worth noting that if I heard this song before 2019, in the state my life was in before then it would have probably left me too inconsolable to listen to it more than once. Growing up is growing old indeed!

…it’s also worth noting that after I wrote this blurb, a major event happened that really enforced that growing up is getting old, so I listened to this quite a bit for a few days, among some other non-Eurovision songs. I’m probably gonna have an emotional breakdown on Thursday when this one starts. So, um, look out for that, guess. Between this one and Austria’s, I swear to god…)

25 – Italy – “Zitti e buoni” by Måneskin: I’ve been trying to get this one to rank higher, I really have, but its inability to crack the top 20 just says a lot about how damn good this year is. It sounds great, it’s very well done, and I wouldn’t hate to see it win! It’s earned its popularity. Everything holding it back in my own personal ranking is just that, personal – I do lose something when I can’t sing along or understand the lyrics, and there’s another rock song this year that I like way better. Still wishing you guys the best!

24 – Netherlands – “Birth Of A New Age” by Jeangu Macrooy: This song has a great style that I respect a lot. The message, the vibe – even if it’s not a culture I’m a part of, I feel and appreciate the hell out of it, and I really hope it does well. I don’t understand why so many people seem to think it’s not interesting! It may not be the sort of thing I’d go out of my way to listen to, but I’m glad it’s here. Catch me singing out “Yu no man broko mi” on Saturday! It’s been a while since I’ve given a shit about a host country’s entry, so I’m really glad for this one.

23 – Romania - “Amnesia” by Roxen: I’ll admit something else unpopular – I hated “Alcohol You” last year. Didn’t see what the big deal was at all. It sounded okay, I guess, but the lyrics were so pretentious and awful, and I’ve never liked the topic of “I love you even though you have no redeeming qualities whatsoever and you make me feel like shit”. But it seems like in that year, Roxen has discovered that self-love is important, actually, and it’s not worth it spending your time on some shitbag who consistently disappoints you. I appreciate it for that alone. Character growth! Plus, I feel the whole thing of “forgetting how to love yourself because everyone around you sucks”. It’s not the perfect song, not by a long shot, but it has a nice melody, and Roxen has a nice voice. It’s good to hear her using that voice on something I don’t find obnoxious.

22 – Norway – “Fallen Angel” by TIX: Okay, I’ll admit it, this is one where I watched the live video the first time I heard the song, and I was too busy laughing at his outfit to take the song seriously. Jesus Christ, dude, what the hell. Well, that’s Eurovision for you, and the more I listened to it, the more I admitted to myself that I’m a sucker for “I love you but letting you go for your own good, not sure what I ever offered you in the first place” type songs. Knowing the song is inspired by his own disability and self-loathing really twists that knife, to the point where I feel bad that I almost threw this at an anime character. I know I’m usually cold on songs that try to evoke emotions about the singer’s personal problems – Germany 2018, and this year’s Austrian entry – but this one really works for me. Only reason it’s in “Okay” tier is because of its competition – it’d rank way higher in a weaker year.

21 – France – “Voila” by Barbara Pravi: I like a good waltz, I guess! It’s a unique number, and the French language sounds nice, especially with the music. It’s yet another example of how this year is filled with so many interesting entries that I appreciate the hell out of. God bless this diverse year! (Or maybe everything just sounds so good to me because last year’s cancellation left me in withdrawal.) I expect a really nice performance for this one – this song isn’t one you can perform while just standing there, especially not during that speedup toward the end.

20 – Australia – “Technicolour” by Montaigne: That song that sounds like it’s about stripping if you don’t know that she’s saying cloaks. (Guilty as charged.) It’s catchy and fun, and I really love it when it first starts… but unfortunately, it does wear out its welcome toward the end of things. It’s a good party song, just a little repetitive. I still like it just fine, and wouldn’t mind seeing her in the final this year! Hope the performance is colorful and sparkly, it’d suit the song well

Like:

19 – Germany – “I Don’t Feel Hate” by Jendrik: I know stereotyping is bad but I was not remotely surprised to find out that Jendrik is gay. This song is pure gay sass, and god, I love every minute of it. I fully expect it to fall on its ass – this wouldn’t make it to the final if it wasn’t an automatic qualifier – but I’ll have a grand old time watching it! The sarcastic lyrics, the cheerful little ukulele, the middle finger costume… this song is a delight. Only thing that I think really brings it down is that weird spoken bit that interrupts the song. That’s so annoying, brings me right out of it. And I did purposely rank it below songs that aren’t complete shitposts. But thank you for your existence, Jendrik, your contribution to Eurovision is much appreciated.

18 – Israel – “Set Me Free” by Eden Alene: I said it this year and I’ll say it again this year, Eden Alene is a goddess of a woman. Absolutely gorgeous. Appreciation for pretty women aside, it’s a fun party song in a sea of fun party songs! I really do like it, I like her voice, but there’s so much else this year that drowns it out – not much stands out here compared to later entries on the list. Still a good song, though.

…and I do not expect for an instant that this is going to make it to the final. …my personal ranking is based on how the song sounds, okay? Just the song. Just the song. Nothing else. Just the song. Anyway…

17 – United Kingdom – “Embers” by James Newman: What’s this? A UK entry I don’t find bland as off-white paint? That doesn’t happen often! I didn’t like his entry last year, romantic ballad bla bla bla whee, but I’m always down for a good party song. It’s a little generic and radio friendly, sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s not fun as hell to sing along with!

16 – Greece – “Last Dance” by Stefania: I really liked last year’s “Supergirl”, but figured it didn’t have too much of a chance because it struck me as being a little too teen poppy to be taken entirely seriously. It seems like Greece thought so, too, because they’ve ramped it up with this year’s entry. They’re not playing around anymore, sending a grand, powerful song that, like “Embers”, is fun as hell to belt. This is another one I’m really looking forward to the live performance for – the music video is gorgeous, and I hope they capture that same majesty on stage!

15 – Moldova – “Sugar” by Natalia Gordienko: Oh, Moldova, I’m so glad you guys decided to be completely batshit again this year. I’ve missed your nonsense so much. Dancing ice cream cones. Cake men. This video is glorious. And the song goes well with the insanity! A catchy dance tune that can only be improved with downright insane staging. Please let the dancing ice cream cones be on stage, I’m begging you

14 – Latvia – “The Moon Is Rising” by Samanta Tina: A unique electronica number backed with a powerful as hell voice. I can see where all the wubbing would get on people’s nerves, but personally, I love it! I love the voice, I love the attitude, Samanta just oozes confidence, and if she doesn’t make it to the final it’s not gonna be because she didn’t give it her goddamn all.

13 – Poland – “The Ride” by RAFAL: Why is this one so unpopular? You people don’t know how to have fun. Yeah, yeah, last year’s “Empires” was a powerful song… but I like my club nonsense much more, so I’m favoring this one. Yet another song that gets me pumped – this whole Contest is gonna leave me with a smile on my face, there’s so much good party music

12 – Azerbaijan – “Mata Hari” by Efendi: Yeah, they’re basically just sending “Cleopatra” again, but “Cleopatra” was so goddamn good that I can’t even blame them for it. This song needed a chance to compete, and I’m glad it’s getting it again this year. I like it so much that I can even forgive the line about being a “godless”. Oh, Europop, don’t you ever change.

11 – Cyprus – “El Diablo” by Elena Tsagrinou: Huh, I didn’t know Cyprus had perfected their Lady Gaga cloning technology. Neat. More seriously, the early 2010’s club vibe of this song is exactly my jam, enough that I can forgive the “I’m in love with a horrible person” theme. (I think I forgive that theme a lot more from catchy party songs than heartfelt ballads I’m actually supposed to feel for.) Hell, I even like the creepy chanting! Sure, it’s a little cheesy, but cheese is always a good ingredient when used in moderation.

(How many songs are we going to get this year, not just in Eurovision, about wanting to fuck devils? I mean, not that I don’t get it… mmm, Akuma Ichimatsu… um. Anyway.)

10 – Czech Republic – “Omaga” by Benny Cristo: And here we enter the top ten of a strong year, where I’d love to see any of them win! Benny, what is with that title. Why. Ah well, like I said earlier, I do like moderate amounts of cheese, and this song is more than fun enough to have earned itself a ridiculous lyric or two. It’s unique, I’ll give it that! The song is just so bouncy and fun that I manage to ignore how pushy the singer is. Another one I expect big things from the staging for.

9 – Lithuania – “Discoteque” by The Roop: Ignoring the current events that surely inspired the song, I do love the more generic “party song for introverts” read on it – if only you knew how many one-person dance parties I’d had in my own house. This song speaks to me deeply. I can’t even begin to call it a joke song; I think it’s doing exactly what it set out to do, and it’s doing it oh so well. God, those synths. Totally okay with dancing alone!

8 – Iceland – “10 Years” by Daði og Gagnamagnið: I want Daði Freyr to adopt me. I don’t even care that he’s younger than me. He’s just such an earnest, fun guy, and I love his 8-bit aesthetic! And come on, he submitted a song about how much he loves his wife! If I ever stop loving this song it’s because my heart shriveled and died. Love isn’t dead, it’s just in chiptune now. I will throw things if this doesn’t make it into the final, do you all have no souls, this is too damn cute

7 – Serbia – “Loco Loco” by Hurricane: Another group I am so excited to see return, because I adored “Hasta La Vista”. I don’t know if I like this one quite as much, but it’s still catchy as hell! I love trying to sing along with it despite not knowing a word of Serbian.

6 – Croatia – “Tick-Tock” by Albina: Another catchy-ass club song! What more can I say? I love how much of this stuff we got this year. I will absolutely be screaming “Don’t go, don’t go, don’t go!” Oh god that was cheesy… I’ve been working on this ranking for too long. Don’t know what else to say about this one, just that I adore it. Just barely missed the top 5.

Love:

5 – Malta – “Je Me Casse” by Destiny: This girl’s got pipes– not surprised to hear she won the Junior contest before! I get major “Toy” vibes from this song, and you all know just how much I adored that one. Aaa, those horns! Expecting big things from you, Destiny! We may have our winner!

4 – San Marino – “Adrenalina” by Senhit – As much of a soft spot I had for last year’s “Freaky”, I don’t think it was gonna make it into the final, unless Senhit had the blessing of the same angels who were looking out for Serhat in 2019. This one, though? San Marino tasted the final two years ago and they are never giving it up again! This song goes hard! Love the song, love the video’s aesthetic, I even kinda like Flo Rida’s rap, even though I’m still baffled by the idea that I have been regularly listening to a song featuring Flo Rida on purpose. I don’t know what he’s doing here but I’m glad he is. Please, please make it to the final, San Marino! You clearly want the hell out of it this year! Favorite club song in a year of amazing club songs.

3 – Finland – “Dark Side” by Blind Channel: After spending about five seconds disappointed that Finland wouldn’t be sending Pandora this year, I gave this song a shot, and was not expecting what it gave me. I feel like an angsty middle schooler again, and it is bliss. This is everything Hatari wanted to be, but unlike Hatari who just confused me, I absolutely love the hell out of this song. …some of those lyrics, though. “27 Club, headshot, we don’t wanna grow up”? Yikes. But as dark and questionable as it might be, I can’t help but get pumped when I hear it. Definitely my favorite rock song of the year – sorry, Italy!

2 – Denmark – “Øve os på hinanden” by Fyr & Flamme: I love you, 1983. I don’t care how dated it is when my entire soul consists of a disco ball. The song’s so damn cute! This is the one member of my top 5 that I’m most terrified of losing – I know it’s not popular, with everyone calling it dated, but my top 5 always has that dated song that I love the hell out of becauseit sounds so classic. The translated lyrics are adorable, too. Even if you guys flame out in the semi, you’ll live on in the disco in my heart.

Favorite:

1 – Ukraine – “Shum” by Go_A: Holy fucking shit. There’s something about the blending of traditional and electronic that gets me hyped – see KEiiNO – and this one does not disappoint. The last minute of this is the best minute of Eurovision this year, and god, the buildup! I don’t even know Ukrainian but I am trying my damnedest to get the lyrics down, phonetically, at least. You know that “dancing goths” meme video? That’s me whenever this song comes on, especially during that speed up. Love the hell out of it. Could Ukraine be on its way to another victory already? I sure hope so, because this song fucking rules. Definitely checking out the rest of the discography someday, if all of their songs are in this folktronica style then they’ve gotta be a treat to listen to. Go Ukraine!

Ideal Qualifiers (favorite of each semi in bold):

Semi 1

Australia

Azerbaijan

Croatia

Cyprus

Israel

Lithuania

Malta

Norway

Romania

Ukraine Semi 2:

Czech Republic

Denmark

Finland

Greece

Iceland

Latvia

Moldova

Poland

San Marino

Serbia

This is definitely not what's going to happen - there is no universe where Switzerland and Sweden don't make it - but it'll be interesting to compare the reality to my hopes.

Let's go, Eurovision 2021

#irk blubbers about nothing #irk talks eurovision 2021

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ecto-american · 4 years ago

Text

Broken Ectoplasm C16

DannyMay themed story don’t bully me over it being WAYYYY past Dannymay 2019 I’m trying my best

Day 23: Scream

There was a ghost kid in the hospital waiting for them. No, no, Danny was in the hospital waiting for them. No, Danny was in danger of another, no, of a ghost in the hospital. Well, was he, actually? His condition was bad, of course, but he had always been...impressive.

Man, this line of thinking was going to take a lot of getting used to.

"We shouldn't have left, we shouldn't have left," Maddie was mumbling to herself. Jack's eyes glanced towards his wife. She was rummaging through a bag of supplies, gathering what she needed to shove into her jumpsuit pockets. First aid, Danny's "green bull", various weapons and trackers.

"Hard right," he warned, and Maddie didn't even glance up as she gripped onto the overhead handle as Jack took a sharp turn. "We had no choice. It'll be alright. He'll be okay."

Maddie visibly relaxed.

"You're right. He's done this before."

They both immediately tensed up again. He's done this before. Neither of them spoke again as they nearly crashed their way into the hospital parking lot. As expected, it was chaotic. A flurry of a parking lot crowded with cars being flooded with people as those who could escape were doing so.

Jack didn't bother to park, just rolling as quick as he could to the entrance before slamming on the brakes. He didn't even fully stop when Maddie was already out the door, not even bothering to close the door. Jack was hot on her heels with all of his equipment in record time. They both slid out of the way as a nurse came rushing out, wheeling a patient in a chair out with her. The nurse nodded at them.

"Floor five," she told them, not stopping for any conversation as she made her way into the parking lot. That was Danny's floor.

They went inside, and it was near chaos Of course, it was full of people rushing to exit the building, while other parts were going into lockdown. Right after the Overshadowing Epidemic, the Fentons had helped this very hospital with anti-ghost measures. Supplying the security staff with basic ghost weapons, installing basic anti-ghost security measures in the form of emergency shields placed strategically.

Of course, it was just too much energy to run a ghost shield 24/7, especially in such an energy-demanding building like a hospital. And it would be foolish to only have one big shield, and thus the Fentons had optioned for a series of shields to allow the hospital to go into lockdown for this very situation. A lockdown that she could already tell was being put into place, as there was already a glowing shield blocking the entrance into the ER, and the distinctive sound of shields humming as they came to life several were loudly activated in unison.

"Fifth floor's got several shields," Maddie wasted no time, rushing for the stairs. She was already up a flight by the time Jack reached them. "We can block them in and catch the ghost."

"We should cut off their exit," Jack replied, quickly getting out of breath as he trailed behind her.

She was at the top soon after, and she was staring down at her tracker, patiently waiting for him as she gathered their location.

"They're in the hallway next to Phantom's room," Maddie told him as he finally hit the top of the fifth step. He dreamt of the day that the elevator would be consistently reliable and safe to use. Jack studied his mental memory of the hospital map, as well as the shields. This was far from their first call to the hospital for ghosts, but regardless: They never forgot where their shields were.

"How many?" he asked.

"Two, same location," she said. She squinted at the screen. "They're not moving."

"We should sneak around and block off their exit, then make our move," Jack told her. Maddie glanced up at him, worriedly.

"What if he's hurt Danny?" she asked. Jack's heart sank. Why was it so hard for him to match Fenton and Phantom? "We need to protect him above all."

"You're right," she whispered. She clutched the tracker tighter before handing it to him. "Go save our son. I'm going to block their escape, I can get to the shields faster."

Jack swallowed hard as he pushed the tracker to her. It was one thing when they were hunting ghosts, and whether they escaped or not was just a matter of property damage. But Danny's life was on the line.

"You go, Danny's more important, and you're a better shot," he insisted. Maddie forced the tracker into his hands, and he accepted it. There wasn't a whole lot of time to argue, and they would debate it afterwards.

"Be quick," he told her, and she gave a brief nod before they split up.

It wasn't until he made the first turn that he noticed how...unusually quiet it was for a ghost attack. Ghost fights were horribly messy and loud, as they used everything around them as a weapon and regularly did thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of property damage.

But he didn't hear anything even remotely close to a heavy object being thrown against the wall, or even feel the floor rumble as something was slammed into the floor. He could hear a few rushed scrambles, obviously doctors and patients going for cover. Every door he passed was closed, and the window blocked. It was eerie.

He tried to focus on tracking the ghosts, getting closer and closer with every hurried fast step. He didn't want to run. Jack wasn't exactly...stealthy, and despite intense anxiety about what he'd find, he still needed that surprise advantage.

Jack turned the corner, ready to face the horror that awaited him, only to instantly realize that nope. He was absolutely not ready.

Danny was tied to a gurney that was rocking and shifting from how much he was squirming and struggling to escape, the metal of the gurney being the background noise to muffled screaming. The bonds weren't anything from the hospital, something that looked ghostly and glowing. A familiar robot ghost was grabbing Danny's face, clutching it tightly as to hold him still. In his free hand, he held a large hunting knife and was...cutting.

The mechanical ghost was saying something in a low tone, a threatening one, but Jack couldn't make out what was being said. Not over...all the muffled screams. He was sure he didn't want to know. The way the ghost looked at the helpless teen scared him. It reminded Jack too much of himself. Of his molecule by molecule speech, of how often they talked of dissecting Phantom during dinner...right in front of Danny.

"Freeze, spook!" Jack ordered, and he made his presence known. He jumped over an overturned empty gurney, in the process nearly tripping.

The ghost snapped his head to Jack, glaring at him. Jack returned with a dirty look. With a quick fling of his wrist, the ghost threw his knife at Jack. He tried to dodge as it came for him, but it still hit his arm. Immediately he could feel blood gushing from a cut, and he instinctively slapped a hand over it. He held up his gun, putting his finger on the trigger to blast this menace to hell and back-

Only to hesitate. Oh fuck. This ghost had Danny. That was Danny on the gurney, not just Phantom. Jack swallowed nervously as he tried to quickly scan for his wife. No use. No sign of her. He couldn't take the shot. Not with Danny being so close and his terrible aim, nor with this ghost being within hurting distance of his son.

Skulker did not hesitate. He held his fist up, and netting fired off at him. Jack shifted, barely managing to miss. Despite shaky hands, Jack shot at the ghost in return. The other dodged with lightning speed, hitting the edge of the gurney. Jack's stomach dropped, watching it spin in a half-circle before toppling over. He really, really had to work on his aim sometime.

Skulker gave a chuckle.

"Hunter versus hunter," he lightly mused. "Of course though, it won't be much of a fig-" Skulker was cut off by a hard punch to the back of the skull that pushed him forward a bit. Jack glanced at the gurney, seeing one of the straps broken.

Skulker was already turned around and punched Danny in the stomach, sending the teen backwards. Jack winced hard, put forced himself to aim his weapon. He watched nervously as the fight truly began. He never had to worry about who to hit. Ghosts were ghosts, and the weapons didn't hurt humans, and even if they did, people normally had scattered long ago.

Jack watched a flurry of fists and kicks occasionally blinded by ghost rays flashing. He decided to take his chance, and he fired a shot. He hit the other ghost, forcing the fight to give each other space.

The other ghost put his fists up in front of him, and the metal on his arms and shoulders shifted to expose multiple rockets, all targeted at him. Danny paled, and he turned to seemingly fly behind cover.

But one of the shields had, at some point, been activated. Danny had froze, turning back to face them. Jack hurriedly fired off several shots and just relying on pure luck and a prayer that he wouldn't hit Danny. None of them hit Danny, thankfully, and a few even hit the intended target. Only Danny…

That flash of bright light he saw earlier appeared at his son's waist, and a flash later, he saw the familiar sight of his son hurriedly jumping backwards through the shield just as all the rockets were fired.

The rockets hit the shield in a series of bright explosions. When the smoke cleared, Danny was just silent, staring with wide eyes as he panted heavily, his chest heaving. He was in the shirt and jeans Jack saw him go off to school in just the day before. The injuries had transferred over, resulting in noticeable bruising, deep cuts and more visible of all, red blood that was oozing through his shirt. The sound of feet quietly hurrying towards them snapped Jack out of it, and apparently Danny too. Danny got back to his feet, making a rush back towards the shield, body slamming the ghost and sending him back. Scraps of the metal suit began to fall onto the ground with every hit.

Jack shuffled out of the way. A flash later, and Danny was once again Phantom, just in time for Maddie to turn the corner.

"Jack, the thermos!" she immediately shouted to him. She already had her weapon up, and she blasted at the ghost too.

Jack fumbled in his pockets for the container he was responsible for, quickly finding it attached to his hip. He opened it, and he activated it. The beam of light came out soon after, engulfing Skulker and soon, he was gone. Leaving just the family together, breathing heavily.

"Oh, Danny, are you okay?" Maddie wasted no time pulling Danny to her in a tight hug. Danny's head rested against his mom, exhaling hard with a disturbing bubbly tone to it. He leaned into her a bit more, forcing Maddie to shift so that she could pick him up. She pecked his forehead, but her expression soon fell into concern upon seeing him.

"Jack, get a gurney please," she told him. Jack picked up the gurney Danny was on earlier, turning it back onto its wheels and pushing it towards her.

He held it still as Maddie put Danny back onto it, the teenager wheezing hard. As soon as he was resting on it, Maddie had had gauze from the first aid section of her belt out, pressing it against oozing green ectoplasm that overflowed from Danny's neck. A deep, intense slash across his throat and a jagged cut that went down to the collarbone before it had stopped, a disturbing parallel to the clean slice of the previous...attempt.

"Jack," Maddie's voice snapped him out of it. "Do a quick sweep, make sure there's no other ghosts. I'll alert the staff in a moment."

"R-right." Jack stared for a moment as Maddie gently and expertly began to clean up Danny's neck. He could hear her softly speaking comforting phrases to him, interrupted by the deep wheezing coming from Danny.

He forced himself to turn away and look back down at the ghost tracker in his hands. Nothing, and he tapped it and held it up to make sure. Still nothing, and he walked around his family, staring. Still no sign of ghosts. Well, aside from the one obviously under their care.

"I don't see anything," Jack reported. He took a few steps down the hallway towards Danny's room. The door had been torn off the hinges, and the hospital room was a mess. The bed was flipped, and there was ectoplasm on the floor, some splattered on the walls. The IV stand was broken in half, and the wall itself was exposing the warm air outside, rubble littering the inside of the room.

Somehow seeing it...seeing the actual physical change from Fenton to Phantom...made it feel even more intensely real. He had suspected ever since he found out that the light was how he? Changed? But to suspect it and to see it was different. It was the very last solid confirmation of what he had already found out, and it was a bit unnerving.

He took a few steps forward to look out of the view. Danny had a fairly average view of the city, though the window's curtain was drawn to prevent anybody from potentially being able to see him, even though he was on the fifth floor. Jack could see groups of people huddled worriedly in the parking lot, as well as cop cars that had pulled up onto the scene. He saw a pure white car pull in too, no flashing lights, but the duo who exited wore white suits, and his heart sank. Least the ghost was contained, but the GIW was a much bigger concern.

Jack jerked his head down as his tracker lightly beeped. A ghost had entered their range. He watched the dot enter the tracking radius and stop. It remained there for a moment before completely disappearing off the radar. Huh. He could only assume it was a ghost passing by, but that didn't quite feel right. Most ghosts didn't seem to just hang out or pass by anywhere.

"We got company," Jack called out. He watched the police begin to handle the crowd as several GIW agents began to enter the building.

He returned to the hallway, seeing that a nurse had come out and was finalizing putting a white sheet over Phantom's form to avoid the publicity.

"We're moving him to Room 545," Maddie told him, and Jack gave a light nod as he scurried along after the pair to the room.

"Is anybody hurt?" Jack asked the nurse. She shrugged.

"We don't know for sure yet," she replied.

They quickly reached the room, and the nurse opened it for the Fentons to help her roll him in. The nurse stared intensely at the two, keeping the door open.

"I'm really sorry to do this to you," she began, and Jack already knew exactly what she was going to say.

"We're staying," he insisted.

"We're the only ones who know how to deal with a patient like him!" Maddie added.

"You don't have to leave, but I'm afraid I can't leave you alone in the room with him," the nurse explained. It finally clicked that she was staring at the weapons strapped to them, as well as the tracker tucked under Jack's arm and the ectoplasm-covered gauze Maddie was holding in her hand for now. The couple said nothing, giving each other a light glance. The nurse sighed lightly. "Please don't make this difficult. You just have to wait outside until the doctor gets here."

Jack noticed Maddie's lower lip quiver slightly in worry. Neither wanted to leave him. But it would be too weird or suspicious to fight it. Jack gave a nod, and he slowly sulked out of the room. Maddie stayed standing where she was for a moment, staring back at the nurse before reluctantly following her husband.

The nurse shut the door behind them, and they could hear the click of the nurse locking it as she was left alone to care for Phantom.

"Did you see that cut?" Maddie immediately brought up. Jack just gave a half-nod. "It's awful. The ghost wanted to really kill him." Jack rubbed the back of his neck.

"This ghost wants to skin him," he reminded her. Maddie's face scrunched up in disgust. "I wish we knew why."

"I do too," she sighed, and she paused. "Do you hear that?"

Jack glanced around, keeping his ears on high alert. Indeed, he could hear a faint, angry and familiar voice as it came closer and closer. He already knew it was Vlad before the billionaire turned the corner, hot on the heels of Ohmer and Dr. Carrington, the lawyer holding files to her chest as the doctor was wheeling a medical cart with various supplies resting on it next to her. The pair were walking towards them, Vlad nearly yelling in their ears as Vlad's own lawyer duo was keeping pace behind him, both looking fairly neutral about the situation.

"...and I will sue this hospital if you do not let me into this room, do you not understand? I have rights, and this is my child. I entrust my only child to this dump of a hospital, and you don't even have the proper anti-ghost measures to keep him safe? I demand you transfer him to my hospital, where he can actually get halfway decent medical care rather than you hacks."

"Mr. Masters, until we get that test back, we cannot assume you are the legal guardian, we've been through this." Ohmer sounded tired. Jack and Maddie scooted off to the side as she got to the room, and she knocked. "It's Ohmer and Dr. Carrington." The nurse opened the door, and Vlad tried to go inside, only to be blocked by Ohmer putting her arm out in front of him. "I will call security if you do not comply with the hospital rules."

Dr. Carrington was able to slip past them and into the room with her cart, shutting it behind her. The familiar lock clicked, and soon as it happened, Ohmer pressed her back to the door.

"I will have your job and make it so that you cannot work anywhere within the state of Illinois again!" Vlad threatened. "You and that idiot doctor and every single damn employee of this hospital, from the chief of medicine to the cleaning staff."

"Mr. Masters, you will not talk about my wife like that, and Mr. Phantom is undergoing treatment right now," Ohmer's tone was getting more and more snappy. Jack and Maddie silently watched. "He is not taking visitors of any kind at this time. I cannot legally let you take him home until he is discharged, and not without you proving your parental status."

Vlad's face was red with anger, and he began to explode into another ramble that Jack could only barely make sense of between all the long, legal jargon he used. Every time Ohmer tried to speak up to calm him down, he would cut her off with a thinly veiled insult that followed up with a threat to her job. After a minute, she just stared at him as he just continued on and on with his verbal tirade.

Why was Vlad so focused on having Danny? It was odd, and it was incredibly concerning. What did Vlad want with Phantom? Especially using the claim that he was Phantom's father? It was becoming creepier and creepier.

Out of the corner of his eye, Jack noticed two people hurrying down the hallway towards them, both in matching attire.

"By order of the Guys in White, we are placing Phantom under arrest, now, and are bringing him in for questioning," Agent K growled angrily, pulling his badge out as he walked quickly towards them. Agent G was hot on his heels, fumbling but also producing his badge.

Ohmer closed her eyes tiredly, rubbing them with the palms of her hands. The Fenton adults felt bad for her. This poor woman needed a raise.

#dannymay19 #my dannymay19 #broken ectoplasm #my phics #hello from the abyss i did not forget about this

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ladybell9095 · 4 years ago

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I promised myself that i would post something at least once a week, but my classes have taken all my time and attention as well as my sense of time. In return for my lack of activity here is a little something that is related to how i’m going through the motions of online college classes (basically my college life thus far for this semester), but i’ll make it into a Horsemen/Reader. Please enjoy whatever this is I made.

Quick Summary: You are a college student who is dealing with classes being shifted to online only due to the pandemic. Though you are uncomfortable with it, you are fortunate enough to have the four with you to help you through this. Although one of them wasn’t really being all that helpful.

Having to switch from being in a classroom to strictly online classes was a scary and stressful shift for you. It was hard not to ponder over every bad possibility that could happen. Such as, if your laptop could handle this 24/7 attention or the stress of getting your textbooks on time or if there would be audio and visual issues when it came to video calls.

When the first week started you were anything but calm. Especially after being told, by one of your teachers, that you were required to show yourself on camera. You were fine with talking, but when it came to showing yourself on camera you panicked.

After the first week was done and after you get acquainted with your teachers and classmates, you found that it wasn’t as bad as you thought. That is until the homework came along.

Halfway through the second week, you find yourself knee deep in homework. To get ahead of the game and to have a homework free weekend, you tackle a crap load of assignments in one go. Halfway through your assignments you find yourself getting into a steady rhythm, but someone soon disrupts your concentration.

“(Y/N)! Still typing away I see.”, Strife obviously pointed out.

“Yep.” You responded while keeping your eyes glued to the screen.

“How much more of this homework stuff do you have to do?”

“Just two more assignments and then I’ll be done for today.” Strife gave a long-exasperated sigh before he left you to your work.

None of the others bothered you because for the first time they saw how focused you could really get. Seeing you like this was a rare sight to the Horsemen and they all wanted to watch you go to work, all except for Strife. Usually after classes you would waste the rest of the day with junk food and playing video games, mostly with Strife, and would wait to do homework until the next day.

Once again, you were bothered by the gunslinger. He pestered you like an annoying child who couldn’t sit still. Anytime he would ask you if you were finished yet, you would lifelessly respond no. It wasn’t until you were almost finished with your last assignment that Strife would bother you one last time.

“Are you finished now?”

You failed to respond because the only thing that you heard was the gears turning in your head and the clacking of keys on your keyboard. Having been typing for so long your fingers became numb from the constant stroking. As you continued working on your assignment, you find Strife's spiky hair blocking your view of the screen.

“How long does it take for you to do homework?”

You groaned as you pushed his head away. “Strife, I've been sitting here for five hours straight. I’m not sure when I’ll be finished, but when I am, I’ll let you know. So, could you kindly leave me alone.”

War and Fury, who had been in the living room, found the attitude you gave to their brother amusing. Strife on the other hand didn’t appreciate the attitude thrown his way. He wasn’t used to the new change, as you were. When Death entered the room, he saw Strife silently walking to his room and saw you furiously typing out of the corner of his eye.

Finally, after an hour you were done with what you wanted to get done today. You gave a big stretch and slumped in your chair when you finally turned off your laptop. After homework came the house chores, which wasn’t much thanks to Death knocking some off the list. When you finished up, you went to see who was still up and about.

“Finished?”, Death asked while tearing his eyes away from his book.

You hunched over and let your arms dangle. “Yes. I’m all done for today.”

War raised his eyebrow. “There is more?”, he questioned.

“There is always more, but the rest is for another day.” You took a seat on the couch and leaned against Fury.

“You were quite moody today.”, Fury addressed.

You thought about what happened an hour earlier. “I guess so. Where’s Strife?”, you ask while looking around for the him.

Fury laughed. “After you yelled at him, he went to his room. He’s hasn’t come out since.”

“Oh.”, you said worriedly.

“Don’t worry about him, he’ll be fine.”, Fury reassured.

“But it wouldn’t hurt for you to go check on him.”, Death suggested.

Even before Deaths suggestion, you planned to go check up on him, but not until later. With the suggestion fresh in your mind you got up and went to make things right. Knocking before entering, you see Strife on his bed cleaning his firearms and he was wearing his helmet. It wasn’t odd for him to wear his helmet, but he never wore it often after meeting you. Now a days whenever he would wear his helmet in the house, you knew that something was bugging him.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”, Strife said plainly.

“I’m finished with my homework.”

“That’s good.”, he responded while still cleaning his gun.

Seeing Strife likes this made you feel awful, you felt even more awful because you’re the one who caused him to be this way. Strife felt the bed shift and soon felt your arms wrapped around him.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you. I was just frustrated by all the work.”

“You don’t have to lie. I know how annoying I can be. I get it.”

“You’re not annoying...well maybe a bit annoying.”, you wittily remarked.

Your attempts at making the Horseman laugh proved ineffective. His silence made you feel even more guilty than you already were. You knew that you had to make things right, so you were determined to make up for what you’ve done. With an idea in your mind, you got off the bed and left to your room. When you returned you snatched Mercy out of Strife's hand and placed a controller in it instead.

He looks up to you waving the controller back and forth in your hand. “Ready for me to beat your butt in video games?”

Strife chuckled. “Don’t you go crying to War when you get your ass handed to you.”, he remarked as he lowers himself to your height.

That cocky attitude of his annoyed you as well as made you laugh, but it is one of the things you loved about him. When you began your video game marathon, your competitive spirit came out. There was yelling, laughter, trash talk, and name calling. You were ready to play all night, but sleep got the better of you.

Strife had noticed your head bobbing up and down as well as the controller slipping from your fingers. He goes to turn off the console and TV. Before you know it, you are lifted up and placed on your bed. As Strife was about to leave you to your slumber, he feels you tugging on his scarf.

“Sleep here tonight.”, you softly spoke.

Strife removes his helmet and places it on the nightstand. The bed was small and couldn’t possibly fit the both of you, but somehow Strife made it work. You feel yourself being pulled in close and your head being placed against his arm. With the warmth you felt from him and your exhaustion you instantly fell asleep.

#Darksiders #Death #Fury #War #Strife #my college life in a nutshell #its very frustrating #Four Horsemen/Reader #this is based off my personal experience #i wasn't exaggerating about the fingers going numb from all the typing

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piermanwalter · 4 years ago

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Harlan-Ellison-Scale Unhinged Star Wars Fanfic Idea

After Order 66, Echo’s mind is in a gleeful haze. The same wonderful feeling he felt after carrying out an order, he now felt at a low level all the time. But a strange voice in his head keeps encouraging him to defy Imperial authority.

Echo is convinced the voice in his head is a hidden Jedi survivor using the Force to communicate with him. After a painful goodbye to his squadmates who no longer acknowledge him, Echo escapes to find the source of the voice. The voice helps him travel far away and Echo tries to find out as much about this person as possible, although they seem reluctant to give any personal information.

This person shows extreme proficiency in machines and equally extreme confidence. Was it Anakin?

When Anakin Skywalker killed the Separatist Council on Mustafar, Wat Tambor’s death activated the transfer of his consciousness into Echo and now he has to share a brain with this atrocious creature, who is quickly becoming the only familiar thing in an increasingly unrecognisable galaxy.

Thus Echo embarks on a great quest to get rid of what is essentially a demonic possession by finding a Techno Union base to upload him into. This is harder than first assumed because the Empire is occupying most of them.

Wat Tambor can tap into all of Echo’s senses and memories and can override his mechanical components. I’m envisioning a scene where Echo is trying to claw himself towards someone familiar with his one organic arm while the rest of his limbs are dragging him away.

Echo keeps Wat Tambor in line by threatening to get his implants surgically removed, but Wat retaliates by threatening to delete Echo’s memories. Wat can’t actually erase memories formed before the brain implants but he manages to gaslight Echo into believing he can. “Do you remember your Bad Batch squadmate Sapper? No? Do as I say or Fives is next.”

Echo finally catches on and figures out he can lose the implants without much consequence. After finding a doctor willing to operate on him, Echo falls unconscious from anaesthetic and when he wakes up, the implants are still in him and the doctor is dead on the floor.

Echo goes to sleep and wakes up in a different room. He realises Wat Tambor gains total control of his body when he’s asleep and stays up for nine straight days. This leads to disaster and Echo resigns himself to never knowing what Wat does while he’s asleep.

Echo starts hallucinating Wat Tambor in crowds. Echo stands above a trash compactor so he can hallucinate Wat Tambor getting crushed and Wat enacts vengeance by forcing Echo to remember getting blown up. They stay like that for several hours until security kicks them out.

Echo wakes up and his arm is a rotary cannon.

Wat Tambor tries to get a brand new starship and finds out he’s been locked out of all his bank accounts and then Echo’s like, “Can’t buy yourself out of this one, rich boy? Hahaha. Shut the fuck up.” Attempting to withdraw from that account sent an alarm for a strike force to their location and they nearly die.

Advantages of being piloted by a war criminal: 24-hour vigilance, knowledge of obscure topics and languages, he occasionally does useful things while Echo is asleep, fix and hack basically everything, sublime dual-wielding

Disadvantages of being piloted by a war criminal: holy fucking shit this needs no further explanation

Echo rescues another clone trooper and Wat Tambor demands to surgically remove his control chip to prevent him from turning on them. Echo doesn’t trust Wat with any clones’ brains after what Wat did to him and refuses. Surprisingly, Wat doesn’t remove the chip while Echo is asleep. With a brother to talk to, Echo hallucinates less and is easily able to regain control of his mechanical limbs. And then the clone is forced to betray him for the Empire and Echo has to kill him. While Echo is devastated, Wat’s like, “What did you expect, moron? You should have let me operate on him.”

Echo finally calls out Wat Tambor for everything he did and Wat’s counterargument is like, “I haven’t done anything to you that the Republic didn’t do first or I haven’t done to myself. Your creation is an investment by the Republic, as is your enhancement an investment by the Techno Union, as is my career an investment by Skako. Don’t judge me by human morality.” and then Echo’s like “Fine I’ll judge you by the morality of your own species. So you’re an investment? You blew octillions of credits on a war and you still lost. The Empire owns everything you ever made. Your people are blockaded and starving in the Deep Core. What a big fucking payoff you turned out to be.”, which manages to silence Wat Tambor for a blessed two weeks.

Now with the upper hand in his own brain, Echo breaks into Wat Tambor’s file directory and tries to delete him by force. Echo can’t delete anything but Wat also can’t make him leave, so he gets redirected through a series of increasingly terrible memories, starting from Wat’s perspective on Echo’s own cyborg conversion and steadily getting worse. What he sees is so horrific and incomprehensible Echo never tries to access Wat’s directory again. Echo’s hallucinations increase and Wat Tambor now appears every time he speaks. He’s very smug about this.

Echo encounters Imperial Death Troopers which sends him into blind rage as he realises all of his brothers were destined to either die early or become a cyborg just like him. Wat is also mad because the Empire stole his idea.

Echo finds a secret Techno Union droid factory that is now occupied by the Empire and being used to make security droids. He resolves to dump Wat there or die trying. Echo poses as a Death Trooper stationed in the same system and tries to work his way into being allowed into the secret factory. Despite everything he befriends his new squadmates whose personalities haven’t been completely consumed by cybernetics. Echo still needs to get rid of Wat so he finally gets his act together and breaks into the factory, gets arrested, and is locked in a cell awaiting reeducation.

Echo blacks out for three days and wakes up in a stolen shuttle. Both the Imperial base and droid factory are giant craters. Wat Tambor is still there. Echo’s like, “How did you blow up the base?” and Wat’s like, “Yes.” and Echo’s like, “That’s not a fucking answer. Why didn’t you upload yourself into the droid factory like we planned?” and Wat’s like, “Would you want to live in a sarlacc pit?” and Echo’s like “Why didn’t you tell me you don’t want to live in that factory so I don’t spend half a year doing stupid bullshit?” and Wat’s like, “Is a vacation.” and Echo’s like, “Shut the fuck up. You fucking salad. Get the fuck out of my head.” and Wat’s like, “Vacation is over. It’s time to find another Techno Union facility.” and Echo’s like, “You killed all my new friends.” and Wat’s like, “I didn’t kill your new friends. You did. And you will do it again if you keep wasting my time like this.”

Echo finds people he trusts and tries to explain there’s a Separatist leader occupying his brain. Naturally they don’t believe him and ask him to prove it by saying something only Wat Tambor would know, but Wat doesn’t say anything and Echo is seen as insane.

One second Echo is intentionally drinking the nastiest soup in his life out of spite at a dingy cantina on Nar Shadda and he blinks and then he’s covered with jewellery in a Coruscant casino. Initially he assumes Wat is up to his usual motherfuckery again and finds a lonely balcony to yell at him, but gets no reply. Echo goes into a crowd to trigger a hallucination but still nothing. Steeling himself, Echo breaks into Wat Tambor’s cursed directory but it’s completely empty except for one text file. It reads:

CT-1409 you easily manipulated idiot. If you are reading this, you successfully uploaded me into a suitable Techno Union facility. I have deleted the last three months of your memory to prevent anyone from finding me through you. The timing of my departure is purposefully unclear. Don’t look for me.

Out of habit Echo’s like, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” but there’s still no reply. The file deletes itself and Echo is left wondering if Wat Tambor really did occupy his brain or if he just lost his mind for the last year.

The noise in the casino is getting to him and Echo cashes the thick stacks of gambling chips he found in his pockets before leaving. There’s what appears to be a keycard in his pocket and while Echo’s trying to figure out what it could be for, a huge droid runs up, hits him in the stomach with the corner of a metal case, and leaves before he can react. There’s a rotary cannon in the case.

#star wars #clone wars #echo #wat tambor #graphic injuries #psychological horror #long post #this is basically fanfiction

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everly-kindred · 4 years ago

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Final Post for now

I don’t really know how to start this so I’m just gonna let my thoughts flow.

I know I don’t really have any interaction with this blog and I was doing it largely for myself and the few friends at Mischief Managed who actually read them, but it feels wrong to halt diary entries indefinitely and possibly forever and not actually explain why or give any sort of close, and I feel like I kind of need to do this for myself.

For awhile now, making diary entries has been a task. I haven’t looked forward to them in awhile which is probably blatantly obvious from the amount of times I’ve opened an entry with ‘I’m trying to get better about writing in you more often, sorry it’s been awhile’, and it always feels good when they’re done, and I love looking back at them and reading them, but I have no motivation or energy to ever write them.

I joined Mischief Managed in February of 2016 with a first year Hufflepuff named Aurora, and deep down, I wish I’d always kept her. I think she’d be a 6th year this year, maybe 7th? I used to know, but I don’t remember.

I always had a deep love of Harry Potter to the point that I remember crying in my bed in my highschool years, listening to Stateless because it just has a *vibe* that I associate with Harry Potter, and crying because I knew I’d never actually go to Hogwarts, I’d never get to *be there* and experience it. Roleplay was the closest thing I had to it and for awhile, Mischief Managed made that dream come true.

Now, there’s a sort of... gap where Mischief Managed doesn’t completely scratch my Harry Potter itch, and it’s a whole unrelated conversation about clashing of ideas and the breaking of the immersion and being very aware that I am in *second life* and it still feels like *second life*, not Harry Potter, but that’s besides the point. For years, Mischief Managed was my favourite thing and, IRL, it was known as my main hobby when it came to how my friends and family viewed me. I was the crazy harry potter fan who lived and breathed it every day, in my particular social circle.

Right now, unfortunately because of some things that are no ones fault and is just one of those things you have to live through and eventually cope with after who knows how long, Harry Potter and anything related brings me an incredible amount of pain, which is why I’ll be taking time away from Mischief Managed until I feel okay to come back.

Everlina was made specifically to be me. Me, and my childhood, and to a degree my life, if it were translated into the Harry Potter universe. For awhile, it was hard to keep roleplaying as her, because she didn’t feel like a character. It doesn’t feel like I can just turn her off, and it makes seperating her from myself very difficult. But she is still my ideal version of myself. Who I would have wanted myself to be when I was her age, and even a bit who I want to be now. It’s a weird dynamic.

I will always be grateful for the time I spent with Eve, how she has grown and changed, and everything she has experienced. I will be grateful for everything I learned through and with her. I am proud of myself for keeping this up as long as I have, and while it’s disappointing I can’t completely carry out her 7 years at Hogwarts (at least not with an extended break) I definitely did this longer than I anticipated. I started her right on my 21st birthday, and I’m 23 now and turning 24 in... 7 months. I got her to nearly 100 posts. The fact I could keep up with her that long (after having a whopping 31 characters at Mischief Managed, many of which I wrote but never actually played) is amazing to me.

There are several reasons I need to stay away from Mischief Managed. For awhile, I was struggling really bad with insecurity, my place in my friends’ lives and stories, and constantly comparing myself to others. While I feel I have largely gotten over that and come to a lot of revelations for myself, there are still some aspects about being on sim and the current stories that are running that remind me constantly of the pain that I’ve endured for probably two or so years now. And, I’m going to be blatantly honest because I doubt anyone has read this far anyways, but there is some toxicity and suffocating negativity that comes with Mischief Managed. It’s no secret (the amount of times we’ve been mentioned in gossip blogs says it all) and I’m not about to blame anyone for any of that because I feel we are all humans going through similar experiences, and likely using Second Life as a way to escape pain and things we need to address within ourselves but there is also a level of protection some individuals feel with being behind computer screens, that makes them think it is okay to use people for their own selfish reasons or put them down. I believe this is a projection of insecurities and pain that they may be refusing to work on in their own lives and thus take it out on the little pixel people because there’s a disconnect there when you’re not face to face. Which ultimately brings me to my last point - if it it’s making you so unhappy, why stay? Why subject yourself to pain? Why not step back and find what /does/ make you happy and feel secure within yourself? Why not take time to figure out the real root of your pain, rather than claiming that other people are to blame?

Which is why I’m taking the break I am. I’m not happy there, and I haven’t been for awhile. And specific events are certainly exaggerating my lack of ability to be there, but it has made me come to realise that, for the time being, I cannot continue to waste my time and money on a program/game that makes me unhappy a large amount of the time. The point of Mischief Managed is to not only be immersed in the Harry Potter universe, escape from everything else and fulfill this childhood dream, but to also write and have fun. I’m writing, but I don’t feel immersed, and I’m absolutely not having fun right now. And this is not, by any means, the fault of Mischief Managed, or anyone else. I am eternally grateful that Mischief Managed has given me an outlet to momentarily live that childhood dream, while introducing me to some of my absolute best friends in the universe and the people I love deeply and in ways I did not know I was capable of loving. But I definitely now understand the roleplayers who are very strict about separating IC from OOC and don’t touch drama, negativity and gossip in any way shape or form.

I am sad I couldn’t carry out Eve’s 7 years like I had intended to. To be the first person to really do that, make my own story in the Harry Potter universe and have it there for me and anyone else to look on and read forever, like my own extension of the books, is incredible, and even more so to do it from the perspective of my own self as though I was there is a dream. But I am ready to close this chapter. I don’t know if I’ll ever return to it, on Eve or someone new, and whether I do or do not, I will always be grateful for the experience.

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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1013

surveys by -thoughtlessdork

Have you ever had the chicken pox? No. I’m constantly in a place of waiting for it to pass by, because everyone tells me all people are bound to have it at one point in their lives (idk how true that is, though). I am also told it gets a lot suckier as one gets older, so...not too thrilled about it at all.

how often do you do laundry? I don’t handle that chore myself, but it’s done 1–2 times a week in our house.

Have you ever been evicted? Nopes.

would you grow your own garden? I don’t see that happening. I’m a magnet for killing plants.

do you know anyone who snores? I do.

Trigger warning kinda, by the end.

what is your favorite font? Proxima Nova. It’s the default font that my org used for all documents and works-in-progress, and it ended up becoming my actual real-life favorite. I’ve always picked out that font even outside of org matters.

do you know what a wombat is? Sure.

would you make a good movie critic? Not at all. I don’t know enough about different filmmaking elements to make a reliable critic. I’ve criticized things like acting, plots, and dialogues in the past, of course; but there’s still so many things that go into films that aren’t overtly projected like lighting, symbolism, hidden meanings, etc. I don’t have a very good nose for those.

what goal are you aiming for this year? In the last 8 weeks of the year? Hmm...avoiding corona would be at the top of that list, lmao.

are you currently reading any books at the moment? No. I’ve stopped opening the book I used to constantly mention on here.

when i say foxy lady what comes to mind? Beyoncé’s character in the Austin Powers movie she was in lol; her name was Foxxy.

would you have liked to have lived during the Victorian times? Wasn’t this era like a golden age of sorts for the UK? I’d love to visit for that purpose; but given the still-horrible hygiene and living conditions for most people of the time, I wouldn’t choose to live there.

would you own a Siamese cat? No.

have you ever had an ultimate adrenaline rush? I don’t think so. I’ve had bursts of energy in the past, but I wouldn’t call any of them an ultimate adrenaline rush.

do you like deviled eggs? I’ve never had them; it’s not a common dish here. But they always look so good in the American shows I watch??? I really hope they taste as good as they look.

what tends to upset you? Hearing anything about animal abuse.

what's the farthest you've walked? I can’t give you a distance, but my parents opted for us to walk the whole time we were in Bali (except if we had a tour day which included transportation). Walking in an unfamiliar - and very humid - country and not knowing where anything is (this was before food and travel apps got as detailed as they are today) and ending up walking long stretches because you can’t locate any good local spots is a very easy way to run out of patience, apparently.

what is your favorite horror movie? Carrie was pretty fun.

what does your favorite shirt look like? It’s a twist on the Chicago flag, made black and red and with a raised fist in the middle. At the back it says “CM Punk: Best in the World.” Been my favorite and most overused shirt for the past 9 years. My friends tease me about it sometimes, but I don’t care lol, the shirt is very significant to me.

is your life like a daily routine? It is, but I prefer that it is. I like when things are in my control and, for the most part, predictable. I enjoy spontaneity in short bursts.

were you ever told as a child if you eat carrots you'll have pretty eyes? So many times.

what career are you most interested in? Communications and media, so it’s great that I’m headed there so far.

have you ever seen a rooster? Sure.

what time do you usually wake up? I wake up wake up by 7:30 or 8 AM, but I usually also wake up for a bit any time between 4–6 AM. Sometimes I choose to stay up from then, and sometimes I’d want to go back to sleep.

what do you think about religion? It’s good when people use it for good, or if it has helped save a person’s life. In my own personal experience, though, it’s beenhard to find Christians who aren’t hypocritical. So even though I see religion’s potential, I don’t have a lot of trust in believers themselves.

what made you feel most accomplished in your life so far? Graduating college.

have you ever seen a lunar eclipse? I saw the super blue blood moon two years ago, which according to a quick Google search is a lunar eclipse! So yeah, I’ve seen one.

what are you allergic to? No allergies.

do you ever feel like people hold things you do or say against you? Only my mom does this.

what can't you afford but wish you could? Front-row Wrestlemania tickets. My childhood (and now adulthood) dream is to go to Mania 50 which is only 14 years from now, but at least I still have more than enough time to save up for it.

what is one word that sums up this year so far? Revelatory. ever felt like you were putting your life in danger? [trigger warning] Yes, it’s called suicidal tendencies. what do you like with your eggs? If scrambled, with cheese. If omelette...stuff that crap up with everything lol. Tomatoes, bell peppers, mushrooms, cheese, ham, bacon, and onions are all good in my book. what remedy do you partake when experiencing the common cold? The good ol’ wait-for-it-to-go-away life hack. would you ever spend a weekend in the mountains in a log cabin? That sounds amazing. I sure would. have you ever been called a psycho? No. have you ever taken martial arts? would you? No but I was always a little envious of my cousin who was taken to taekwondo class every weekend when we were kids. Sure, I’d take classes if I had the chance. who is someone you look up to? Nacho, but he’s gone now. is there something you're anxious about? I have work jitters for tomorrow, but they’re manageable for now. Otherwise I’m feeling pretty good. what is the longest you've gone without sleep? A little above 24. what is the longest you've been on the phone? This makes me cringe now, but it was like 8 hours long or something like that. It was still the ~honeymoon phase of that relationship and we were still clingy. We never did it again after that. do you care about calories? No. do you know someone with a really annoying laugh? Nah, can’t think of anyone. what band do you mostly always listen to no matter what mood? Paramore. have you ever been to Indianapolis? Nope.

what type of bread do you like to eat? I eat white bread all the time, but my favorite kind is brioche. do you have any great great grandparents still living? Two greats is a bit too much don’t you think? Lmao. Anyway, my last great-grandparent died in 2010. I never knew my dad’s grandparents, and my great-grandfather on my mom’s side had died all the way back in the 70s. what is one country that you really want to visit someday? India. who usually cooks or what do you usually crave the most? Those are two different questions haha. My parents take turn cooking; and as for my craving, I find myself seeking sushi most of the time. ever been associated in a program that was a complete waste of time? Yep, like that one time I had to attend this 5-hour mandatory program/seminar before my driver’s license could be issued to me; it taught me nothing I didn’t already know about driving, and it used driving tutorials that I’m pretty sure were recorded in the 90s. This seminar took place in 2016. do weird numbers call your phone? Not regularly. Occasionally an unknown number will come in, but I reject all those. where are you right now? Sitting up on my bed. do you tend to care about other people's feelings more than your own? Yes. I really shouldn’t. what type of lifestyle do you want to obtain? if you haven't obtained it [trigger warning] I haven’t even figured out yet if I love life enough to want to stay in it. A type of lifestyle isn’t much of a priority for now. what was something that use to frighten you as a child? Getting lost at the mall. have you ever been on a train? Just once. who's been in your life the longest? did you expect this person to still be around? Apart from family, Angela. Yes, she’s here for the long haul. how do you feel about anatomy? Fascinating. I’d take a class on it. Insert interesting fact here: Read this on Reddit a few days ago, so I’ll just copy-paste the whole thing: “When Jadwiga, the King of Poland (medieval Poland referred to every ruler as King regardless of gender), was considering a marriage proposal from the Grand Duke of Lithuania, a chief concern among her court was that said Duke was rumored to have massive genitals to the point that they would kill his wife on their wedding night. Two of her councilors volunteered to travel to Lithuania to try and discover the truth of these rumors, which naturally meant they would watch the Duke as he bathed. They returned and happily reported that not only weren’t the Duke’s genitals fatally large, they were in fact a tad smaller than average, so nothing to worry about. Thus Poland and Lithuania were united, and the rest is history.” Got a chuckle out of that one when I read it that I just had to scroll through the entire thread again just to be able to share it here lmao.

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