#one year we had our first family vacation and all of a sudden i have travel anxiety now

[winterf4iryy]

i’m so anxious about going on holiday :/

[secretdestinypainter]

Healing up with my broken heart:

“This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.” ~Elizabeth Gilbert

A long long time ago one of my closest friends Emily, went through a very terrible life experiencing a relationship, I Emily, went through my last breakup a few years ago. I thought I had paid my dues, cried my share of tears, and dealt with some deep wounds. I thought I was done. I was happy and in love, and talking about moving in with my friend.

One day we took a little vacation. We laughed and explored the desert excitedly talking about our dreams. Three days later I found myself sobbing on the floor of my tub, hot steam clouding around me.

Our breakup was quite beautiful aside from the shock and confusion. We looked into each other’s eyes. We smiled. We cried. We held each other. We said goodbye.

It might sound like we handled this well, and in many ways we did. We always respected one another. We never said anything hurtful or manipulative. I think that shows how much we loved and cared for one another.

But I was still a mess, deeply heartbroken and deeply depressed. It was the deepest depression I’d ever been in. I could do little more than cry and stare at the ceiling. Nothing in me wanted to stay in bed and nothing in me wanted to get out. It felt like torturous limbo with a crushing weight on my chest.

My mind couldn’t comprehend a day when I wouldn’t feel like this. Each night I fell asleep I prayed the morning would be different. But each day I woke up with a pang in my stomach and a heaviness in my heart.

Until one day I didn’t.

It wasn’t a miracle. My pain didn’t disappear in my sleep. But I started to feel better. The first day I was able to eat a little more. The next day I found myself laughing with a friend. I slowly started to be able to sleep longer hours and function more clearly. It was a snail’s pace, but it was progress.

If you’re going through a breakup right now the truth is that it will get better.

I needed to hear this over and over again from other people. When the pain is so intense it takes over everything. It’s very difficult to believe anything will change. I would call my mom in the mornings sobbing into the phone, “It still hurts. It’s not getting any better. Why does it still hurt?”

It’s supposed to hurt. Your heart is broken. You loved deeply, and now it’s over. One side of the coin is that endings are really sad. The other side is that endings are opportunities for new beginnings, and that’s really exciting, even if you can’t feel the excitement right now.

It was difficult for me to see that I was making any progress so I documented my days over those weeks. I found that there were five key things that helped me begin to heal:

I felt all the feelings.

I took advantage of my support system.

I gave myself love and compassion.

I took responsibility for my life.

I focused on me instead of him.

I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to allow yourself to grieve when your heart is broken.

Our bodies are intelligent. They can hold trauma for a lifetime. When we sob so deeply our chests heave and the tears fly out, our bodies are purging the pain. Allow this to happen. I was so tired of crying, but I would keep on doing it as I needed. I actually cried a little a few hours ago. It lessens. The pain lessens. I assure you this.

There were two or three people who were my everything during my lowest low. I used their support to get me through all of the times when I just wanted to give up on my life. I talked things through incessantly, something that can help us come to terms with the situation. Our minds need to process the change, especially if it was traumatic or sudden.

It’s really important that these are people who understand you, who are capable of being there for you in this way, and who are nonjudgmental. Someone who is going to say to you, “Honey, I am so sorry you feel like this. My heart breaks for you.” Not all of our friends and family are capable of taking on that role, and that’s okay. You just need one or two.

Through these first two steps I started to gain my own strength and identity back. I got to a point where I knew that only I could pull myself up out of it. I had enough moments of clarity through my pain that I was able to see what I needed to do for myself, and I gave myself so much love.

I honored myself and acknowledged that my heart was broken. I didn’t judge myself for being weak or stress out about being low functioning. I just let myself fall into my own arms.

I treated myself like my own daughter. I asked how I was feeling and listened to the response with compassion. I kept telling myself, “I am here for you. I am always here for you.” This type of love for myself helped the pain dissipate. It helped me to feel worthy of life again.

I am also someone, probably very similar to you, who is always looking to better myself. Nothing in life is isolated—we’re all connected and affected by one another, so I knew there were deep things about myself to look at.

Instead of focusing on my ex and why he left, I began to look at myself. I questioned what I was doing in my life that left me in relationships where men chronically abandoned me.

I didn’t put pressure on myself to figure it all out, but I allowed the question to be there. I invited the answers to come in as they needed to. I knew that whatever was most obvious was probably not the full picture — and it wasn’t.

Through a candid conversation with a very close friend, I began to discover some of my deepest fears. I realized that when I get very close to people I become afraid I will lose them, something that occurred repeatedly in my childhood.

When someone I was close to share a different perspective than mine, on some deep unconscious level I became threatened, and terrified this was the beginning of the end for us. Ironically, my fears of abandonment contributed to my relationship ending.

This kind of revelation is liberating when there is a lack of clarity in a breakup. I saw myself so much more clearly, and then I looked at the relationship from my ex’s perspective. I saw my newfound self through his eyes, and I understood how he felt. It all made sense.

One of the most important things I did that allowed me to heal was to focus on myself each time I thought of him.

This is especially true if you are not the one who wants to break up. I didn’t reach out to him at all. I gave us each space. I knew seeing him show up on social media would increase the pain so I used all my willpower to stay focused on myself. If I felt the urge to check up on him I reminded myself that I didn’t need to feel any more pain. This was enough.

I think now as a mature adult wouldn’t allow any wrong person to destroy my happiness, my success, and most importantly, my peace of mind. Loving somebody perfect is the best thing we can have and it is the best thing that could happen. But with someone who tried to ruin your abilities is not the right one. Girls you are the strongest creatures and the most valuable persons who exist, don’t let anyone bring you down or let your happiness be destroyed. Take a minute and think about who is the right one for you, more power to you guys.

[hollyhomburg]

Brain going brrrr about mafia lord namjoon again for my 3003939837th time of being an army, 

only this namjoon uses his many galaries for money laundering but secretly just loves art for arts sake 🥺 he’s really just a sweetheart who wants nothing to do with the mafia life, he buys art that he thinks is greatly undervalued for twice the price and secretly sponsors his favorite artists. his parents think he’s hopeless, he sneezed over a bag of co*kane the last time that he went to check the families product. and he litterally almost shoots off his own foot any time he has a gun in his hands, he doesn’t drive as much for his own safety as the rest of the family he’s...not cut out for the mafia life to put it bluntly. 

he’s not a monster (until you make him one) 

his parents are getting onto him to get married, his father has long since stepped down as the head of the family, preferring to split his year vacationing in monaco and macau. But once or twice a year- namjoon’s parents do meet up with him just to make sure that namjoon’s not running the family drug empire into the ground. 

it’s usually a painful meeting full of “why are you still living in an apartment and not a house” “you spend too much time on frivolous pursuits, you should take up something” “what, like murder?” “*insert weighty silence here*,  but the thing they get on him the most about- is marriage. 

namjoon’s never had much luck in the relationship department. hes had a few girlfriends and boyfriends through the years- then a few sugar babies here and there when he got tired of people pretending to only be into him for his money and would rather have that out-front. his parents Gesture to a waitress (our m/c) and say “you can choose any woman namjoon, even that one would do” as if on queue- the m/c spills a drink over a main table, but can’t get more than a simple apology out before the man starts shouting obscenities about does she know who he is and he’ll have her job for this. 

namjoon doesn’t like mean people. it’s a pity that he has to deal with them often in his line of work. 

So namjoon gets up, walks over to her and litterally punches the man out. ngl- i just love the idea of the waitstaff being all like “😅 we know who you are and we won’t call the cops” meanwhile namjoon’s never thrown a punch in his life, shakes his hand and almost cries. “if you wanted to impress me there are easier ways” are the first words she says to him. hands on her hips. and all of a sudden he feels like a schoolboy under a microscope. 

“how much money would I need to give you to walk away with me right now” and she takes one look at his Rolex and decides based off of that that yeah- going home with this businessman who has her boss quieting in with a single look.

It’s kinda love at first sight- or if not first sight- maybe first drink. they quickly find a secondary location- a bar- and get waisted together. it’s not something the m/c’s done since she was young and desperate- getting drunk with Rich men. maybe the world hasn’t been kind to her- maybe she views namjoon only as a wallet but when she confesses it he just- shrugs. “you don’t seem disappointed with me yet- you can stay until you get judgemental. then you’re out” 

“whats got you so certain that i’ll find you disappointing?” namjoon’s not used to people praising him and meaning it- or greeting him with such honesty either. 

She becomes his paid girlfriend pretty quickly after that, maybe she never goes back to her apartment only to his, empty and full of art. she tries to sneak out in the morning only namjoon stops her. “i actually have a family lunch today, if you come i’ll make it worth your while” 

the while- happens to be a brand new gyvanche dress and a matching pair of heels. namjoon (secretly) only brings her along because he knows with an outsider there- at least his family won’t talk crime and murder- it’s so painfully boring to him. 

only…there’s something off about her. Something that reminds him maybe of a cat- or like one of his assassins, something that’s figuring him out subtly piece by peice when she watches him. she’s not judgmental of him for laying in bed all day, or for talking about art too often if anything, she seems almost to prefer it that way. 

it doesn’t take her long to figure out that namjoon isn’t just a simple art dealer, that the detail that follows him and eventually her- isn’t just for protection from the paparazzi. But to Namjoon’s surprise, the first time his bodyguard jungkook takes out a would-be assailant, she doesn’t scream or act revolted at the sight of a dead body (namjoon might be soft but he’s also been conditioned for this since birth) simple peers down at it with a cool calculating eye.

The rest of the men are watching, and waiting for her to react, until she lifts her gaze to namjoon and raises a single eyebrow. and then one of namjoon’s men is apologizing and putting his coat down for her so that she can step over it without getting blood on her louis vitton pumps.  

it’s okay, she says, “they’re already red-bottoms anyway” 

it starts slowly from then, first she expresses an interest in seeing how the family business is run, then she starts to ask specifics about the money laundering and just how deep their connections run it the government as well as insurance about their police protection. the guards and henchmen quickly learn that she’s someone to respect and make happy- even before the boss (happy wife happy life and all that). 

Namjoon’s used to having a more hands off approach to the crime side of things- but he wakes up sometimes to the smell of bleach on the air, wanders down to the kitchen to find the kitchen and his wife as ordinary and as in place as possible. (she earned the ring pretty much one month in, it was a fast engagement and an even faster wedding. 

but even namjoon had to admit there was quite a-lot of work to be done and more important things to spend money on. 

its not until a few months into their marriage that namjoon realizes that the responsibilities and headaches of being the kingpin of the mafia haven’t come to call on him recently. He hasn’t been asked to make an appearance in a while or check the security of any of their bases, and he hasn’t been called on to deal with any moles or unruly employees. 

 it’s almost as if...someone else has been taking control of them for him, like someones been doing the job he never wanted. 

namjoon would be more upset only theres not much to complain about, he gets to walk art galleries every morning and purchase lavish paintings that he wants to have in his home or on his properties. he gets to go to the opera without any dignitaries trying to seek him out and make small talk. he knows that his wife...she must be behind it- but namjoon’s almost relived that she’s taken his job. 

At night when they’re lying side by side, namjoon rubs her shoulders and confesses, “you’re a better mob boss than i ever was” 

“Don’t sell yourself short joonie- it’s not that you couldn’t be- it’s that you don’t want to be.” 

“you say that like becoming a kingpin is the same as becoming a professor- you could get into grad school if you only applied yourself more” namjoon mimics a nasal voice just to hear her laugh. 

“okay- you might be right about that one- but at least becoming a queen-pin was less expensive than 5 years of education.” 

he’s happy to live his life like he’s unaware that he’s no longer the man in control until one day...she doesn’t get home on time- they’d had plans for their first wedding anniversary- namjoon commissioned an impressionistic portrait of her as a present as well as a very small original art piece because she’s been encouraging him to try and make art of his own. 

it’s not until he gets a call that makes his blood run cold. “boss...i think they’ve taken...our other boss” 

the thing about namjoon is that he’s not a monster- unless you give him a reason to be one, and taking his wife away from him is certainly a reason to bring out the monster. 

he finds her quicker than anyone expects- maybe because she’s charmed his men as much as she’s charmed him- and nothing ever did beat out loyalty like love. he finds her and she’s mostly unharmed, only...her enemy is someone namjoon hasn’t even heard off- even if according to his men they’ve been waging litteral war for the last 4 months.

 imagine her saying “i told you he’d come” all weak from pain- maybe drawn up with some chains. 

“a dog comes when called” her captor snears, gun shaking, but namjoon’s heart feels as cold as ice as he watches her- his strong beautiful wife in pain because of him, all because he couldn’t step up. she’s right- being a kingpin is all about motivation. 

“you say that like i don’t enjoy being hers, if i’m her dog then i’m fucking biting.” 

lets just say after that she starts to see him as an equal and namjoon discovers that he might not like being a monster- but he does like being /her/ monster. and the two of them lead side by side and live happily ever after 💜 thats all i’ve got <3 

[itspdameronthings]

Benny the Rookie Cop Pt2

Summary:I know this part is intense. First part is anyway. It deals with Santi going off the deep end. Sorry about that. Fear not! there is a sweet Benny and Grace moment at the end which im gonna write another fic . More like an extended scene.

Meanwhile a few blocks away sounds of restlessness fills Santi’s home. He is on the floor with a bottle of his favorite whiskey. Drinking the numbness he feels. Life hasn't been good for him. Latest relationship has ended. That really hurt him to no end. Thought she was the one. After two years together things were on the up and up till something happened. Coming home to see her stuff was missing. All that remained was a dear John letter. No explanation,but she can't deal with his manic episodes. Then… his baby sister getting married to his best friend. He should be happy for them. Welcome Benny into the family. Resentment fueled his mind. Goal is for others to be shitty. 

He hasn't been to work for days. Will was beyond worried. Calls and texts were unanswered. On this night he goes over to see if Santi was okay. Letting himself in with a spare key looking around how messy the place was. Dishes in the sink smells of booze fills the air. Clothes on the floor. Caused Will to go upstairs to see his friend on the floor only wearing a pair of ratted green sweats. No shirt. Unkempt hair ,and matted beard. Kneels down,” Care to explain why you haven't called me?! Was worried that something happened! Had to postpone our presentation to next month! Our ass is on the line?! Gonna lose our important client ?! Are you gonna say anything?!” Santi looks at him whipping his mouth,"Of course I care,but not right now. Leave me to wallow in my misery. Too sick to care about shit. Now leave me alone! Go back to your happy home!” Looks like Will isn't getting through him. Think he needs some help. Thought about calling Frankie,but he is on vacation with his daughter. Benny hates to call him knowing he just got off from work. Taking a breath got out his phone: 

Older brother: look bro, hate to do this,but I need your help. At Pope’s he is in a drunken mess. 

Sound of a phone going off caused Benny to slowly wake up from sleeping with his beautiful wife. Can't stop holding onto her. Rubbing his eyes. Looking at the message,” Shit! Not again!” Tried not to wake Gracie slowly got up to get dressed, sudden movement stopped him. Small hands on his shoulders stopped him . Soft voice fills the room,” What's wrong baby? Another bad dream? If it is? Let me help.” Taking a breath,” Your brother is drunk yet again. Gonna go to help Will. Wantcha to stay home okay? Can't have my rose hurt. Need ya to keep my side of the bed warm and toasty. “ Gracie not listening. Still wrapped in the bedsheet. Goes to get dressed,” Think I can help too. We are family, remember? “ Benny goes over to her now naked form. Hugs her from behind,” I know darlin. Just trust me okay? Let me and Will handle it. If we need help? I'll call. “ Gracie closed her eyes. Knowing he might be right. Sure both of them had training in dealing with this kind of behavior. This is her brother. Might not have seen Santi like that. Oh the boys have. Soon as her husband leaves. She goes to her nightstand to fetch her phone. Calls someone who delt with this before. Her mother. 

Benny arrives at Santi’s . Noise of shouting caught his attention. Sounds of things hitting a wall. Rushed upstairs to see both Santi and Will yelling. Sees a broken bottle on the floor. Goes over to break up the fight. Goes between them,” Enough! Stand fucking down!” Santi not hearing this. Goes to push Benny away from him,” oh look is here! Person who stole my sister away from me! Ordering me around my own place! Why don't you both go home !”Looking into his brother in law in the eye. Not moving,” Not a chance man. You're endangering yourself ya know that?! Need help! Not leaving so tell us what's wrong.” Santi grunts,” Nothing ,and I mean nothing is wrong! Can a person be alone for a while?! That's all I fucking want!! Want to wallow okay?!” Now the plot thickens. Wallow. It's Will who figured it out. Leans against the wall in his signature pose. Arms crossed,” I know why. Chelsea. Left you in this state of misery. Furthermore? Resenting the fact Benny stole Gracie from you! Preposterous! Can't face that she is an adult. She loves you man. Problem is that can't someone else take over. “ Those words cut through Santi’s soul like a knife. Yes he is going through a lot. Feeling like the others never endure that kind of pain. Until he remembers Will went through the same thing. Now he feels like shit. Brothers sat next to him while he cried. 

Rosa Garcia rushed inside her son's home. With Gracie in tow. Looking at the state the home is in. Brought back memories of her late husband. Brought tears to her eyes. Her son is going down the same path . She knew he was going through stuff,but never thought he would destroy himself in this kind of matter. Gracie stays downstairs to clean up. Rosa slowly approaches a bedroom to see her son,and her sons in law . Benny, first to see her, goes to hug her,” Mama, Glad you are here. Got him calm ,but.. with all of my trainin in this? Thought could get through him. “ Hugs him tightly,” It would be fine my baby boy. Go downstairs okay? Your rose is there cleaning up. Means you too William shoo!” Will kisses her forehead as he leaves. Santi whimpers,” I'm a bad son Mama! Don't know how I can overcome it…” Rubs her son’s back as he lays his head on her lap. Needs to feel safe right now. Rosie knows that as well. He needs help to cope. Whispers to her son,” I'm here baby boy. You know drinking your troubles away isn't gonna help. Either is being a complete boota to your sister,and husband. Can't you see it's hurting them? Getting dumped hurts I know. Been there honey. Tell you what. I'm gonna move in for a while.help you get through this. First thing first. Go downstairs to apologize to the young couple. Tomorrow? Taking you to counseling.” 

Mother and son come downstairs to see his family cleaning up the living room. Gracie is first to see her mom and brother. Not looking at him she walks away. Not before Santi blocks her,” Look here G. I'm sorry. Okay? Never thought my anger hurt you the way it did. Was in a bad place. I'm glad you have Benny. I mean it. I'm afraid that I'm..” Reaching out to hug her brother. So does Benny. Hug him close. Rosa whispers to the young couple,” Go home. We got this. Family dinner is gonna be pushed back for a few days. You two have fun on your days off. Mama’s orders.” Santi watches from afar as his sister and brother in law hold each other close. Try not to fall apart. Will comes up to him placed his hand on his shoulder,” you will find one special man. First thing is to get ya well again. “ Santi takes a deep breath,” Thanks for coming by man.” Will chuckles again,” That's what family does man . We help.”

Young couple arrived home. Exhausted mentally and physically. Benny reached out to hold Gracie who practically held on to him. Breathed in his special scent,” Had to call mama. Had too. Hope you aren't mad.” Kissing her forehead ever so gently, he whispers,” I'm not. Glad ya did. Wasn't getting much lead way until Will figured it out. Now.. how about we go to bed. Hmm? Can cuddle, or watch some trashy show ya like.” Tracing patterns along his neck as he picks her in a bridal position,” I much rather have my rookie make love to me. Followed by some cuddling. Then.. we can stay in bed tomorrow since it's gonna rain.” 

Once they get into bed. Benny holds her close to his warm body. Trace loving patterns along her arm. How he wanted to fully fill her first request. Sees her fast asleep in his arms. Making love is the first thing to do in the morning. Holds her close to him. Thinking about how he really needs to protect her even more. Yes, Santi has a long journey ahead. Feared he might have a relapse. Whispers into her ear,” Love you my Rose bud. With all of my heart. Make sure you are safe for what's to come. Pray for Pope’s recovery is a success.” 

[boba-at-323]

Happy Birthday, best friend...

Note : Happy 21st Birthday Jisung! I love you so much loml <3 Hope all your wishes and dreams come true! May you have all the happiness in the world!

The snow covered roads glistened underneath the slight moonlight which was escaping the grey, shining clouds. Everything looked so ethereal despite it being the dead of the night. But nothing compared to your best friend, Jisung, who walked beside you with his earphones plugged into one of his ears as usual. His features were beautifully highlighted underneath the soft streetlights. 

Jisung had been your best friend since elementary school, and the both of you were practically inseparable. However, during your last years of high school, you started to develop a crush on him. He was always so caring when it came to you, like how he made hand—written copies of his notes for you when you couldn’t go to school, or how he always bought your favourite drink before classes. His small, thoughtful gestures had started to give you butterflies, but you were scared; scared to lose a friend who had been by your side since forever, scared to lose such a precious friendship because, what if he didn’t feel the same? What if you creeped him out? What if he never wanted to see you again?

Even though it had been 3 years since you graduated high school, your feelings for him only grew. And to worsen matters, when he came back from his 6-month long trip to visit his family out of the city, your jaw had literally dropped once you saw him again. Just when you thought he couldn’t get anymore stunning, he proved you wrong.

How had he gotten even taller, don’t people stop growing after 18? And how did he become even more handsome [cuter at the same time]?

Park Jisung, what the heck?

That was, without a doubt, the last straw. You were going to go completely insane if you held your feelings for him back any longer. As his birthday was near, you had made a very foolish plan to confess what you felt at midnight, just before he turned 21. This could end up in two ways; either he would like you back [which you thought wasn’t very likely], or he would reject you and then disappear forever [which you thought was very likely]. But you thought that maybe, it was worth a shot?

You looked at the watch on your wrist, which was hidden somewhere under the enormous coat you were wearing.

[11:53PM]

You took a deep breath and stopped in your tracks. 

Well, here goes nothing, You thought. 

“Hey, why’d you stop?” Jisung asked, confused as he took out his earphones.

“You know Jisung, we’ve been together since our first day at school. We became friends when I forgot to bring my colour pencils and shared yours with me.” you smiled at the thought, “and since then we’ve been glued to each other.”

“Yeah we have, but why the sudden realisation? Did something happen? Are you feeling okay? You aren’t leaving me, right?” a string of questions left the poor boy’s mouth. 

Jisung was a very quiet boy from the start. He was very shy and got flustered by the most minor interaction he had with anyone who wasn’t you. You had been the only person who had seen the real Jisung. The Jisung who never stopped talking. He told you everything; from all his secrets, to the most randomest thought which came to his mind. He had opened up only to you, because you saw him for the person he was. He trusted you with everything in him. It wasn’t till his vacation that he realised how much he enjoyed and missed being with you. He realised that 6 months felt like 6 years when you weren’t with him. He realised that… he liked you.

But he was afraid that you might not feel the same. There was a high chance that he would lose the only person who understood him. Maybe suppressing his feelings would work out for him? 

Snow fell lightly as he awaited an answer from you. He was looking at you expectantly while you avoided him, twiddling your gloved fingers which had gone numb because of the cold. 

“Jisung…” you gathered up the courage to look at him. 

His hair rested gently against his forehead, slightly covering his eyes as they always did. They were decorated with specks of snow which had been falling since you went out. He was looking ethereal. Even the word ‘ethereal’ itself didn’t feel enough to describe the boy standing in front of you. 

“I’ve been meaning to tell you this for a long time now.” 

You took a step closer to him and took his hands in your shaking ones. You had never felt this nervous in your life. The thought of retaking that college entrance exam of yours felt much easier compared to how stressful the moment was.

“Park Jisung, I like you,” your eyes met his, “and I realised that 3 years ago, when we were still in high school. You’ve always been so kind and nice to me. You’re someone who gets me, who understands me. I can’t imagine a life without you by my side. I'm so lucky to have someone like you with me. You’ve always been there for me, even if I was at my lowest. It’s just…I love you, Jisung.” 

It fell so painfully silent that you could hear the winter wind blowing past you. Your heart was pounding so severely against your chest, you could feel your whole body vibrate with each throb. Had you finally ruined such a valuable friendship? 

Jisung looked at you in shock. Did you just confess to him? Was all of this actually happening, or was it one of his crazy dreams? 

He stood there processing what was happening, but his expression made your heart fall to your stomach. You felt a lump forming in your throat as let go of his hands.

“I-I’m s-sorry—” was all you could blurt out. 

When Jisung saw tears brimming in your eyes, he panicked. 

“N-No!” he was the one who took your hands this time, “Y/n, I just don’t know what to say. I like you too. No, in fact, I love you. When I went to visit my family, I couldn’t help but feel like something was missing. It took me a while to understand that… It was you. You were missing. I’ve never felt so happy and alive around someone. You’re someone I can be myself around, and you’ve been here for me whenever I needed someone.”

He smiled when he saw your cheeks turning pink. 

“I’m in love with you, l/n y/n.” 

You quickly glanced at the watch on your wrist, which showed that it had just struck midnight.

[12:00AM]

It was time.

Without wasting a second, you stood on your tiptoes to get to his level, placed both your hands around his face, closed your eyes shut and pressed your lips against his. 

A million fireworks set off inside the both of you. Jisung had never been this flustered and it took him a while to respond back, but he did. He kissed you back. The snow continued to fall gently as you both cherished the moment. He was your first kiss, and so were you to him And you were glad that it was him, because he had always been your first. Sharing your first kiss with him wasn’t so bad, even if you both were inexperienced at the ripe age of 21. 

“Happy 21st Birthday, Jisung,” you smiled softly, pulling away.

“Happy birthday indeed” he laughed shyly, pulling you for the warmest hug ever. 

Title : Happy Birthday, best friend... || Word count: 1.262k || Genre: Fluff ?? Angst??? Friends to lovers || Pairing: Jisung x Reader || Thank you @koishua for beat reading this! Thank you and love ya <3

[hannigramtropefest]

Hannigram Tropefest 2022 Masterlist

Thanks to everyone who took part in this year’s Hannigram Tropefest. For our first round, we had an amazing selection of fanfics and artistic creations. You can find all of our fics in our Hannigram Tropefest 2022 collection on AO3, but for all fic and art links, please see below.

---

‘I shouldn’t feel lonely when you’re gone'

Author: Angelic_Disaster

Artist: Vampyrzky

Rating: Explicit

Length: 28,859 words

Ships: Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter (Mentions of Past Alana Bloom/Hannibal Lecter)

Warnings: Choose to not use archive warnings

Tropes: Amnesia, Will’s Aftershave, Chicken Soup

The heart monitor connected to Hannibal makes a sudden, unrhythmical beep the moment Will enters through the door.

“You must forgive me for my bluntness, but are we in a romantic relationship?” Hannibal asks and Will isn’t exactly sure how to answer that. He can’t technically say no, but honestly, bloody courtship may be a more proper name for it.

While Hannibal suffers from a case of amnesia, Will puts a stop to the honey-trap plan to take care of him.    

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Trope: Wrong Number (Hannigram)

Author: TigerPrawn

Artist: Ani Louhetar

Rating: Explicit

Length: 5,680 words

Ships: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham

Warnings: No Archive Warnings

Tropes: Wrong number, A/B/O, different first meeting

Summary:

Omegas only go into heat if they meet a compatible alpha, but with both alphas and omegas being so rare it is an infrequent occurrence. One that Will Graham had certainly never anticipated happening to him.

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Dinner Is Best Served By Tour Bus

Author: TheSilverQueen

Artist: hit_the_books

Rating: T

Length: 6,146

Ships: Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter

Warnings: Nonconsensual Vampire Turning

Tropes: Alternate Universe - Vampires, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Hannibal Lecter is the Chesapeake Ripper

Summary:

When Alana cajoles Will into taking an actual, real vacation, he decides to go to Florence and do touristy things, like eat good food and go on tours and be spontaneous. All good things, except for the fact that his spontaneous decision to go on a tour in the catacombs brings him face to face with very hungry vampires who think he is dinner.

“I believe you all were promised an experience of a lifetime,” says the definitely-not-a-statue man on the throne. “And we do plan to deliver. For the feast of a Council is, I’m told, quite the sight to behold. Sadly, none of us are vegetarians.”

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You Were Made for Me

Author: hisvoicebrokemyheart

Artist: pensulliwen

Rating: General

Length: 3,272 words

Ships: Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter, (past Will Graham/Original Characters), (past Alana Bloom/Hannibal Lecter mentioned), (past Hannibal Lecter/Bedelia duMaurier mentioned)

Warnings: brief mention of canon typical gore

Tropes: soulmates/soul bond, bathing, Hannibal is the Devil

Summary:

Will never thought he would be cut out for a soul bond — people were averse to his touch, he was too cold. Then he met Hannibal Lecter, and Will learned what warmth was for the first time. Their relationship was one that flayed themselves open to one another, but it seems that Hannibal has one last secret to reveal.

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Forgive Me Father, For I Wish To Sin

Author: ImpalaAngel

Artist: hughmikkelsen

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Cannibalism, Religious Trauma, Canon-compliant levels of violence

Tropes used: Priest!Hannibal, Priest!Will, Cannibalism, First Time, Gone Fishing, Hannibal is The Devil, How much whiskey can Will have before his ankles are in the air, Murder Family, Post-Fall Europe, Shattered Teacup, Voyeurism.

Ships: Hannibal/Will

Word Count: 105,635 words

Summary:

Think “Seven,” but sexy. Will and Hannibal find themselves on a yacht and sail to Italy to become priests of a local small town church with a history of corruption. They meet an enigmatic young woman and all three set out on a journey of self discovery: she by using her power for good, and they by realising the depths with which love can go. Of course, Italy is not without its own mysteries as Hannibal and Will kill and fuck their way from pride to sloth, their past catches up to them. Just how did they end up with Dr. DuMaurier’s leg on a table? And of course, they tie up a few red loose ends.

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it takes one to know one

Author: Biv_w

Artist: ScarletMothlet

Rating: Explicit

Length: 3,085 words

Ships: Hannibal/Will

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence.

Tropes: Drawing Will Graham, Hannibal is The Chesapeake Reaper, Hannibal’s Mind Palace, Skin Hunger, Sailing the Atlantic, Murder Husbands, Hannibal and his Uncanny Strength of Smell, Fluff.

Summary:

Hannibal sees a new face in prison and feels far more than intrigued.

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The Blood of the Son

Author: bittercigs_ (twitter)

Artist: i-call-me-clarence (tumblr)

Rating: Teen

Length: 4,911 words

Ships: Gen

Warnings: Religious Imagery & Symbolism; Mild Depictions of Violence

Tropes: New Orleans Police Detective!Will Graham, Priest!Hannibal, Casefic

Summary:

One of the best in the NOPD, Detective Will Graham struggles to solve a string of recent murders, leading him to temporarily turn back to the religion he’d previously abandoned.

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The Lamb of God

Author: LAfterDark30

Artist: i-call-me-clarence

Rating: Explicit

Length: 12,632

Ships: Hannibal/Will

Warnings: some pretty blasphemous uses of the Bible and Catholic history, Chilton has a BAD time, character death (none of the mains), graphic artsy violence, manipulative Hannibal, alcoholism in appearance only, betrayal, choking, of the non-sexy kind, dead dove, for the choking, anal sex, Bottom Will, Top Hannibal

Tropes: Soulmates, Priest Will, Demon Hannibal

Summary:

In a world where meeting your soul mate makes their name appear on your skin, Hannibal lived free of that nonsense. As a demon without a soul, he spent his time torturing exorcists and taunting the Church until he heard of the Church’s prized exorcist Father Will Graham, the “lamb of God,” and the idea for his ultimate masterpiece of terror took shape.

Step 1: Get close to Father Graham. Step 2: Cultivate his darkness. Step 3: Turn him against his beloved Church.

He just had to ignore Father Graham’s name appearing as a soul mark on his skin.

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The Dispersal Method

Author: victorine

Artist: hit_the_books

Rating: Explicit

Length: 16,906

Ships: Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter

Warnings: no archive warnings apply, sex pollen, dubious consent (mutual as both are exposed to pollen), consensual choking (brief), unrecommended lube alternatives

Tropes:

sex pollen, honeypot Will, crime-scene sex, sex in the Bentley, “Is Hannibal in love with me?”, secret surprise trope (no spoilers)

Summary:

It’s a normal fall day in the forest for Will Graham. Dead body in front of him, cannibal psychiatrist behind him, the usual. Then Will brushes against the wrong flower, and suddenly neither he nor Hannibal can keep their hands off each other. Now Will must navigate his way out of the crime scene and Jack’s scrutiny while also trying not to jump Hannibal’s bones at every opportunity.

Well, one out of three ain’t bad.

Set nebulously in s2, post-Will’s release from the BSHCI. Will’s a conflicted honeypot, Hannibal’s a (not-so) secretly-besotted asshole, and nobody has brought enough lube.

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Mozzie’s Mass in C Minor

Author: @sihaya74 (AO3 MadhouseMuse)

Artist: @MissLunaKitty (AO3 MargotBloom)

Rating: Explicit

Length: 7,395 words

Ships: Hannigram

Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Tropes: Post-Fall Cuba, Murder Husbands, Cannibalism, Will the Boat Mechanic, Night at the Symphony.

Summary:

After a few years laying low in Cuba, Hannibal and Will attend the national symphony in Havana. There, they have a fateful meeting with an American politician on vacation. You know what happens. :) THIS PROJECT IS DEDICATED TO OUR HERO AND OUR FANDOM KING - BRYAN FULLER, WITH MUCH LOVE FROM LUNA AND SIHAYA.

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the price of anything

Author name: neila777

Artist name: G0UGER

Rating: Gen

Length: 9,101

Ships: Hannibal/Will

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tropes used: Magic AU, Hannibal cooks for Will, Chicken Soup

Summary:

There’s magic here. Not just magic, but powerful magic. Dangerous magic. It’s woven through the walls and lights and air, shifting and settling as Hannibal moves through the space.

A door at the back of the store opens suddenly and in walks a man carrying a pile of books that he sets on the glass counter. His face is framed by dark brown curls as he leans over the volumes, peering over his glasses. To Hannibal, the image of it feels like something one would see in a painting — a carefully sculpted subject posed to catch the light just right as he’s absorbed his work.

Or: Hannibal stumbles into Will’s magic shop and the two are instantly drawn to each other, but they’ll have to face their secrets as they grow closer together.

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Contempt of Courtly Love

Author: Sergeant_Sawyer

Artist: scarletmothlet

Rating: Teen

Word count: 3,100

Ships: Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter

Warnings: Major character death, spoilers

Tropes: Murder husbands, ficlet collection

Summary:

8 ways in which Will and Hannibal’s relationship does (or doesn’t) correlate with principles of Courtly Love.

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The Boogeyman

Author:  Call_Me_Clarence

Artist: hit_the_books

Rating: Mature

Length: 20,636

Ships: Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter

Warnings: Canon typical violence, Blood and gore, Implied bottom Will, Implied top Hannibal, Brainwashing of a minor, No underage sex, Kidnapping of an underage victim, Capture bonding (Not between Will and Hannibal), Domestic violence (Not between Will and Hannibal), Alcohol use, Implied/Referenced Alcohol abuse/Alcoholism, Murder, Sexual content, Frottage, Frottage for a case, First Kiss, Hannibal is still a serial killer but blink and you’ll miss the hints

Tropes: Bestfriend Bev, There was only one bed, Snuggling for warmth, Encephalitis Will, Case fic

Summary:

Will and Hannibal head to Minnesota to solve the case of The Boogeyman, a serial killer who hides under victims’ beds and waits for them to fall asleep before attacking.  There’s only one hotel room available, and even worse, only the one bed. As they get closer to the killer they find themselves getting closer to each other.

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a siphon; to pass through

Author: chaparral_crown

Artist: merrythoughts

Rating: Mature

Length: 71,226

Ships: Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter

Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Medical Trauma, Chronic Illness, Blood and Gore

Tropes: Sick Fic, Vampires, Meet Cute

Summary:

For approximately ten minutes, Will entertains the possibility that the whole evening before had been a very vivid dream, not because he is particularly doubtful of his memory, but because Doctor Lecter - Hannibal - doesn’t leave any evidence of his visit, no matter where Will’s keen eyes look for it. And he does look for it. — Will Graham’s encephalitis comes from an unexpected source - late onset type 1 diabetes. Between the betrayal of his body, and the strange doctor that he meets on an arrest, he’s not so sure he’s not experiencing a relapse, or if the dead have actually risen to clear out his cabinet of liquor and blood sugar.

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Fever

Author: Hannibalsimago

Artist: Sarah the Artiste

Rating: Mature

Length: 15,972

Ships: Hannibal/Will, Hannigram

Warnings: sickfic; Comfort/Angst, no other major warnings from AO3

Tropes: Domestic AU, Chicken Soup, Sickfic

Summary:

After the Fall, Will and Hannibal have settled into an asexual, monogomous, altogether ordinary domestic life together. For Hannibal it’s easy. He’s vowed to accept any restrictions that Will sets in place, just so he can share a lifetime with him.

And as for Will, he is resolutely determined not to change anything about what their lives are like now. Their past was full of unsaid feelings and buried emotions. So much deception and pain inflicted upon each other. Will has no desire to go back to that hurtful chaos. This way is better, he tells himself. After all, why mess up something that’s working? He doesn’t have to unpack any painful memories, deal with past sorrows. Life is good.  

That is, until Hannibal becomes gravely ill and Will is faced with hard truths.

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I need my golden crown of sorrow, my bloody sword to swing

Author: obfuscatedheart

Artist: Ani Louhetar

Rating: Explicit

Length: ~20,000

Ships: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham

Warnings: Graphic description of violence, A/B/O typical sexism, Alpha!Hannibal, Omega!Will

Tropes: Royalty AU, Alpha/Beta/Omega society

Summary:

Will is set to inherit his father’s throne that is until he presents as an omega. He knows that he will be married off to someone who will take over the throne. A potential match is Mason Verger, who is violently anti omegas. Rather than be bonded to Mason Verger he instigates a war. To help his father to win the war he goes to a neighboring kingdom to ask for help. Along the way he meets the mysterious alpha Hannibal in the woods. Is he worth risking everything for?

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Open Your Wild Eye

Author: ChibiTabatha

Artist: Tulip

Rating: Explicit

Length: 34,988

Ships: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham, Will Graham & Beverly Katz

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Bottom Will, Violence, Murder, Minor Character Death, Animal Illness, Minor Frederick Chilton/Will Graham

Summary:

Will is a struggling college student, his job cuts his hours again and Bev suggests that he becomes a sugar baby. After the first date was a flop, he gives Hannibal Lecter a chance. The man isn’t put off by his abrasive personality and they grow closer together.

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And that’s it!

If you’d like to see the AO3 Collection head on over to the Hannigram Tropefest 2022 Collection.

~ hit_the_books

[desswright29]

Hi, you asked for a Tish fantasy so here’s mine. I am not a writer and this is the first time I’ve written anything so my apologies for using your ask box because I’m not brave enough to post it on my own page. This is really informal. Just my thoughts really, but I’ll try to make it decent:

First person POV:

Tish and I have been dating for 3 years now. I’m having a milestone bday so Tish, my family and friends are throwing me a big ass party. They tried their best to surprise me, but I’m a Taurus so um yeah there’s that lol. It’s an all black affair but Tish and I pull up wearing all white cuz we feeling GAWDLY lol. I’m in custom Laquan Smith. Tish in custom Prada of course. We walk in and my jaw drops. This party is something I could’ve never imagined. Now mind you, after demanding I clear my schedule, Tish has been pampering me (and fucking me mercilessly) all week. All leading up to this party. Everybody that I love is in attendance. The decor is posh and expensive, but still keeping a party-like ambience. The DJ is playing all the hits and all my favorite party songs from when I was younger. Tish been catching this ass all night lol. Alcohol is flowing and we really going up. I’m giggling at Tish while they’re presenting me with my cake and singing happy bday bc she’s slightly tipsy and doesn’t realize how loud she’s singing into the DJ’s mic. As soon as I blow out my candles Tish passes the mic to my bestie who then turns my attention to a big ass projector screen that’s been let down. She gives a little sentimental speech then tells me that I must pay very close attention to the video and to not take my eyes off of the screen or I’ll miss a very important message. I’m tipsy too so I’m confused af, but I follow her instructions. The video is so sweet! It’s a collection of my baby pictures, school pictures,vacations, me w/ family and friends, pics of Tish and I, etc. All of a sudden the screen goes blank and a message appears that says “Your life has been a beautiful storybook and now it’s time to turn around and start the next chapter.” I’m so busy focusing on the video that I hadn’t noticed that Tish stepped away from my side. Still following instructions I turn around and all I see is my stunningly beautiful girlfriend getting on one knee with a small Cartier ring box in her hands. I can’t believe how quickly I just sobered up. I’m shell shocked so my mind is trying to catch up with what my eyes are seeing before me. Someone passes the mic back to Tish and she begins to speak in a bit of a shaky voice. “Baby, for a long time I didn’t think genuine love would ever be possible for me. I didn’t think there was anyone out there who could truly understand me…understand the way my mind works…my quirkiness…my ambition…my lust for life…and the way I love. Just when I had settled on being the fun, SEXY and single friend” *everyone giggles* “God sent me you. God took a lil extra time on you innit!” *crowd giggles again* “It’s truly been a privilege to love you and I wanna be everything to you, that you are to me and so much more…and I wanna do it for the rest of our lives. “Y/N, will you marry me?” Remnants of my mascara mixed with my tears are flowing like a river down my face. My mind is still registering so it takes me a few seconds to respond with the emotion filled “yes” that I’m able to muster up. Tish slides the ring on my finger so fast then jumps up and scoops me up with strength I didn’t know she possessed while everyone is cheering and clapping. We kiss each other in way that could invoke world peace. Finally coming to my full senses, I softly whisper in her ear “I can’t wait to run this shit with you.”

*Edit Note: Let me take my motherfucking hat off to you writers!! How do y’all do this shit on a regular basis??? Now that shit I just wrote was so basic and it stressed me OUT. You guys are so talented and so creative and I have a whole new respect. Thank you for sharing your talents on here. Love you guys!

This is awesome! You should def give us more! As a matter of fact anyone who wants to write but is nervous about it, feel free to use my ask to give it a shot!

[that1nkyone]

Untethered.

Roughly three decades ago, I was born in New Jersey.

I was the first kid to a young mother. My sudden existence changed a lot in her life. She had to mobilise for a few things, and mobilise she did.

Her relationship with my biological father didn’t last. She travelled back home to her family with me in tow, not knowing exactly where things were headed in her life - just that she had a kid to care for.

Her Dad was working out of the country. He asked her to stay over and visit, perhaps have a nice little vacation with his daughter and grandkid, respectively.

So, Mom packed up, strapped me to her chest and flew across the ocean, all the way to New South Wales, Australia.

I was six months old.

My Mom would meet the man who’d become my Dad at a Halloween party, one night. It happened very quickly, but he took me on board without question. They were married, and it became clear that Mom and I were in Australia to stay. My grandfather left with his family, back home to the States. My brother came into the picture soon after. I was two years old. I had a home and family.

As I learned to speak, I distinctly sounded Aussie - there’s video evidence on a VHS tape, somewhere. But Mom’s Texan cadence was what I heard the most. Before I knew it, my accent was locked into that of a watered-down American voice - which still persists today.

My American roots weren’t exactly forgotten. We would visit the States, periodically - usually for Christmas. It was easier to travel back then. I had a US passport, but I had permanent residence in Australia thanks to Mom marrying an Australian Citizen. I met my large family, on my Mom’s side. I would tell them how I stole Doritos from the cockpit on the giant Qantas plane we travelled on. 

Time passed. I turned 10.

Travelling to the States suddenly became a lot harder.

At home, people asked me if I liked George Bush. People asked me if I was visiting Australia for the holidays, based on my voice. People in the States asked if I rode kangaroos to school. People told me Bush was cool, he was a cool guy. 

I didn’t understand much about it. I preferred to play Pokemon Silver.

Time passed. My Mom and I had both lived in Australia for 15 years now. We had visited family over the years, but the visits were growing sparser. All the kids were growing up and separating off into their own lives and plans. 

(I would begin noticing raised voices over phone calls that I hadn’t noticed before.)

Mom and I had permanent residence in Australia. But we were given the opportunity to be Actual Citizens. Any application process was certainly going to be a series of hoops to jump through. Being underage, all I had to worry about was a swearing-in ceremony while my parents handled the rest.

I got an Australian Passport, with a photo I was not prepared for and a half-asleep 15-year-old stare that haunted me for several years. I was fortunate enough to have Dual Citizenship. The sky was the limit, in terms of my choice of residency.

I finished school. We visited the US again, this time on our Australian passports. 

Our American passports had long expired.

I would enjoy seeing family again. I would describe the trips to my friends back home. Or online. I would talk about my uncles, aunts and cousins as I walked with friends down George St. I would talk about how cute squirrels were and how cool bluejays were, when looking up at the rainbow lorikeets that shot through our suburb. 

Time passed. It got harder to travel.

My brother moved to the States. He’d fallen in love with a part of it - mostly its natural beauty. My Mom and I headed over to visit in mid-2016.

I would see a lot of the rock formations and trees and fauna that my brother had loved (and I loved in turn). I would see Black Canyon in Colorado. I would see the red formations that Utah was known for.

I would see many, many dead and dying towns out in the fields and desert next to the asphalt strip that cut through the lands. I would see those still standing with hundreds of Trump flags and banners held aloft and plastered on every side of those buildings as they were steadily reclaimed by the land.

I was 25.

I voiced my concerns to my Australian co-workers in November, once I’d returned. They laughed and said it would be entertaining for there to be a President Trump. And what were the odds of him actually getting in?

My brother headed back home to Australia.

Time passed. It got harder to travel.

Mom and I entertained the possibility of travelling again, once things settled down a bit. Regardless of who was in power, we had friends and family there. People who we wanted to see, places we wanted to go.

Time passed.

The Trump Administration adjusted many things. It was no longer legal for a US citizen to travel to and from the States on any other passport than a US one.

I had not travelled on my US passport since I was a child. Renewing it would place me on the radar of an administration I wanted little to do with.

We could have played the waiting game. Wait for a law to change. Petition for something to adjust. But even then, something had become glaringly obvious.

If I signed up for a US passport, I would sign up with everything else that came with being an adult in the USA. Obligations for a country that I didn’t live in.

For a country that I was born in, but never called home.

I am 31. 

I have spent the past week taking in a small part of Western Australia. Enjoying its beauty, seeing its red sand and sparse towns. Thinking deeply on the wonders this country has, and the endless problems it provides for people simply seeking a home.

Tomorrow, I’m going to the only US Consulate that isn’t booked out for the next few years in Australia. 

And together with my Mom, who brought me to this country, I am renouncing my US citizenship.

The USA was where I was born. I have family there. Friends, who are fighting for a better future for themselves and others, tomorrow.

People I would like to meet. And people I would like to see again.

In order to do that in a way that allows me more freedom, I have to give up that part of my identity on an official basis.

But America never really was my home to begin with. Maybe once, long ago in that state of New Jersey in my Mom’s apartment with her friends all cooing over me in my crib. But I don’t remember any of that.

My Mom grew up in the USA. It was her home up until I was born. She wants to live in Australia, maybe New Zealand - anywhere but the States.

I know this process will hit her harder than me. She lived there. I have always been a visitor. Any ideas of living in the USA have long faded.

But it will be strange to have a major part of my national identity adjusted, just like that. As well as all of what that entails. What I choose for that to entail. How I will process all that.

When I’m at work, people always hear my voice, and ask where I’m visiting from. I state that I live here. I’ve lived here for 30 years.

I don’t think they ever quite believe me. I don’t blame them. My accent isn’t Australian, even if I tried to mimic it.

“Where are you from?”

I was born in America. I have friends and family there. I visited many times. I have family there who I love. I literally cannot visit, right now. And a small part of me is mourning what could have been.

But I live here in Australia, now. I’ve lived here for 30 years. I went to school here. I grew up here. I have friends and family here, who I love. A partner, who I love. I find more and more things about this place that fascinate me, and problems that need attention.

This is my home.

And I have a lot of feelings about all that, right now.

[thuganomxcs]

Mun, what are your favorite ships you got going on with Yusuke?

That's like asking a parent who their favorite kid is. Don't mean for this to sound cheesy or 'overdone' but I really do love 'em all because each of them brings something new on the table.

There's Hiyori and Yusuke which is TECHNICALLY my first ship with Yusuke period on tumblr. It's a nice story about friends turning into mentor and student but all of a sudden the mentor's spent too much time with his student and there's the feels. Not to mention there's the funny time where he groped her and she rearranged his jaw XDDD He really likes a baddie that could kick his ass.

There's also Nezuko and Yusuke, two kids that were 'troublesome' to the world except one of them actually HAS a family and a working support system. Yusuke saw himself in her (more ways than one XD) and that fire in her was something that sparked interest..not to mention she was also cute. She really was not someone with the most faith in herself but Yusuke saw SOO much untapped potential in her, she might have been a 'delinquent' but unlike him she had a future with her education and it was a future he didn't see for himself, he couldn't because he still felt confused about where he belonged in the world. Eventually they do fall in love..I think pretty much after our AU Chapter Black and he promises to marry her, the same sphiel he gave Keiko in the canon story.

Then there's Yusuke and Mulan, whom by far is probably my most fleshed out ship cause of the joys of discord. That ship..well how it started out it reignites the lessons Genkai has taught him because she met him well into his early adult years where he's already had his food truck. The man already thought she was someone he HAD to protect because of the fact that spirit world decided to fuck with him and place her into a dream that's more of a premonition and from there they just hung out and found out things about one another. She found out that he does supernatural stuff on the side (or technically it's his main source of income as the food truck is the front) and he found out that she's probably the most stubborn person he's ever met. Then there's even an AU we got where she's just a part of the gang all the way back to after Yusuke's first resurrection, fun times.

I can't talk about ships without mentioning Yusuke's ship with my homies old muse Alyssa. I think that's TECHNICALLY my third ship on Yusuke and again THANKS to the power of Discord we're able to dive deeper into it and even made our 'verse' if you will that ship shares a universe with another ship we have involving different muses and it's all fun and chaotic. That one was definitely great for Yusuke too because Alyssa helped him deal with his trauma..namely his fear of abandonment thanks to mister deadbeat.

There's also the toxic ship I have with my homies Muse, Yusuke and Maiz. A person that aesthetically pleasing to Yusuke but he can't see himself falling in love with her cause the bitch is fucked up. He might bang her here and there (IF THAT AT ALL) but he'd definitely not catch any feelings for her and THAT'S JUST IN THE REGULAR VERSE, because there's also a JJK version of her that's JUST of a menace and that one is actually tamer because he could just have her channel all those violent tendecies into him. Ya know keep the world safe that kind of thing.

There are more ships I got too with Yusuke and each of them brings a smile to my face and despite having a multimuse blog these ships really give me soo much muse for this guy, that if I wasn't a working man i'd probably spend my vacation days exploring ALL of these ships. SO YEAH, I love them all because they bring something new to the table each day they're explored.

EDIT: I really haven't even touched the surface cause there's Yusuke x El, Yusuke x Mitsuri, Yusuke x Serena (yup from pokemon), there's the budding relantionship between Yusuke and Yuko.

[thenightlymirror]

Memorial Day weekend, Harms sees a post from a woman she met recently that she’s going on a sudden vacation for the weekend and needs someone to watch her kid.

Now, this sounds pretty crazy to her that someone she just met is going to allow her to stay at her house for three days to watch her 14 year-old kid, but she volunteers.

She brings her 6 year-old little girl with her, and calls me up, because they are maybe 10 minutes from where I work. I meet them at a pizza pub down the street, and this is where I have to explain Benson.

Benson is OBSESSED with Mr. Bungle. Yes, Mike Patton’s Mr. Bungle. She knows his entire discography. She can recite the entire early history of Mr. Bungle, demo by demo, record by record. She does this while speeding around the kitchen in a baggy black S.O.D. T-shirt and trucker’s cap, walking the same circle over and over again.

I say “she” in the loosest terms. Me and Harms have our suspicions, and Benson says she goes by he or she, but NEVER they. She’s non-binary but not woke about it. Whatever.

I stop calling her by her dead name and call him Benson for the rest of the night, which he prefers.

The night starts off with Harms taking the kids to buy birthday paraphernalia for the cat, this gray longhair named Smokey. So, I’m just sitting in some strangers house with their cats for a half hour. We have a birthday party for the cat. I break out my tarot cards. We listen to some records and interrogate this little non-binary kid. Harm’s daughter loves the tarot cards.

I say, we have to keep this hush-hush, but who would like to take a golf cart ride around the cemetery? Everyone. Amelia sits up front and tells me her ideas about reincarnation. I tell her about Jorge Luis Borges and eternal return. They love it.

Me and Harms love these kids. And it was like this weird spontaneous family that felt perfectly right. We talk for another hour or two. Benson wakes up to pace some more. You can tell he likes the audience. He’s being himself at full volume.

In the morning, I get a text from Harms asking wouldn’t it be funny if I came over to watch the kids so she could talk to an old boyfriend of hers for a few? She says he’s over there now, teaching Amelia how to use a switchblade. I look at my phone. Put it down.

Later I get a text that they dropped him off and want to get dinner somewhere. I meet them for some ice cream. You can tell Amelia and Benson are getting on each other’s nerves a bit. I feel like Harms’s little girl is learning what it’s like to not be the coolest kid in the room, what it’s like to be a little younger, not punk enough. She’s trying to act up a little, and it’s both sweet and a little sad.

They come over to my place, and it’s clear that they are the first visitors I’ve had in over a year. It’s not a place for visitors, let alone kids. I clear off some chairs, put on some music, and sit at the kitchen table with Amelia to do another tarot reading. I try my best to pay her some childlike attention. It’s funny, because all my friends’ kids are about the same age. With a teenager, they’re like appropriately aged versions of my lowlife friends, but with Amelia, she’s a goofy little girl. You have to be a goofy little girl.

She cries a little bit when they go.

A few days later, Harms texted me, asking if I remembered what we were chanting together, that one warm October night where we were swimming together in her backyard, gathered around Amelia in her floaties, making huge tidal waves squeezed together like huge sardines.

For the life of me, it’s like she pulled the words out of my memory, and we went back and forth for a few hours trying to figure it out.

[kimkaelyn]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤

Shout out to the amazing @andypantsx3 for the tag! Sending lots of love and happiness your way!

Hmmm, so this is difficult. In my opinion, I haven't published many worth mentioning fics but if I had to choose any, they would be these. 5.) This is for all of the stories that I started to write, but never finished; and all of the stories that were ideas in my head that never got to be played out. I love you and do think about your worlds and stories.

4.) Can I Sing At Your Wedding | Kim Namjoon

I don't have a reason for why I am including this. I just find it hilarious and a big mess that makes me smile every time I read it.

3.) Ditto | Shouto Todoroki

when you transferred to U.A., you didn't anticipate slipping on a pair of chopsticks in the middle of the crowded cafeteria during your first week. however, what took you by surprise was the unexpected fall for the boy who gracefully caught you.

This isn't released yet, but I am having so much fun writing it!!!!!! I'm looking forward to sharing this with you all!

2.) Marinette Claire | Miraculous Ladybug

She made a promise to him. But something happened and she disappeared. What would happen three years later when she returns with secrets you never could imagine?

Soooooo, this is the first fic that I actually ever wrote. I never finished it (at least on paper), but it is special to me. I wrote this all the way back in 2016 when I was twelve or thirteen. At the time, I was trying to navigate my feelings and grief over a classmate's death. And those emotions that I was feeling is reflected in this story. This story is about a boy trying to navigate the death of his best friend and try to figure out how to move on with life.

Basically, I was writing about myself, but speaking through the character of Adrien Agreste (T_T omg i can't believe I just typed that out). This story was my coping mechanism, and it was a light when I was surrounded by so much darkness.

1.) Lost at Sea | Marvel

"Cap! We found her!"

After I woke up, I met this gorgeous woman. Eventually, we got married and had a daughter. We were very happy. I never allowed my work as Captain America to come in between my family and I. Until a sudden mission forced me to leave our family vacation in Italy and catch the next flight to D.C. My wife and daughter were supposed to fly back two days later, but they never made it home...

"Where's my daughter?"

"All we know is that she's not with her mother."

Now I know you guys' are probably racking your memories trying to see if you have read this story before, and the answer to that is probably not. Lost at Sea is the first multiple-chaptered fic that I finished. I wrote it all the way back in 2017-2018 while I was in middle school. This story is my baby, and my OC Mariana... I don't know what to say about her only that she holds a special place in my heart. (Seriously if I have a daughter I am going to name her Mariana.) Maybe because she is the type of person that I wish I was, but regardless, she is my everything.

I wrote Lost at Sea during a very difficult time in my life. I haven't talked about this here on tumblr before, but middle school was hell for me. I was severely bullied over my online presence and I am ashamed to say that they made my old childhood persona die, and they are the reason that I use a pseudonym now. At that time, while being bullied, I was trying to figure out who I was and find a place where I belonged. I, like so many writers and artisans, turned to art as a way to cope and navigate my emotions and changing world. The result of that is Lost at Sea. I poured my everything into that book, and I am so so so proud of it. I have come a long way since it was completed, and I promise one day I will go back and give it the revision it so desperately deserves.

Thank you again Andie for the tag!

no pressure tags: @yoonia @floatingpetals @missrosegold @thecowboykatsuki-anon @vampyrsm @ghostgirl19posts @kpopfanfictrash @jamaisjoons @jeonstudios @riverofmemoriesft

(I apologize if you are already tagged, but please do @ me in your post so I can read about your favorite fics!!)

[nque02]

While I’m in the mood to lay shit bare, ig I’ll get this off my chest.

I’m calling it now, I am going to work myself to death. Just a slow inevitable decline of my health, patience, and my sanity. I keep feeling sudden sharp pains in my side, I get random pains in my bones, back, knees. Sometimes my chest just hurts for no reason. Im not even 21, I can’t buy a drop of liquor and I have back pain. The worst part is that I wouldn’t be the first in my family to die from overworking themself if it were to happen.

My father is working himself to the bone, even now on his vacation. I’m gonna go fishing with him tomorrow, but he isn’t healthy. He has no energy, he eats a lot of crappy food, energy drinks, etc. His wife(my stepmom) doesn’t help, she’s insistent that she will get on disability for her mental illness(even though she was able to hold down several jobs in the past) and is making him support her and my autistic brother.

My mother literally died from working too much. Mother of 3 and a single income household. She had no time to sit down and decompress. She would come home, eat something, watch some YouTube, go to bed and wake up for work 5 hours later. She was a saint, she was way to patient and forgiving. My two sisters lived with her, and they let the apartment fall to shit. I can’t blame Autumn, she was 16 and was way too overwhelmed to make any progress. Maddy however. She was a 23 year old, grown women, living in her mothers house rent free. Refused to help clean, barely left her room. Did fuck all to help mom. I know she regrets it but I’ll never forgive her. Mom passed away from undiagnosed diabetes. She barely had enough money to pay the bills, let alone any medical bills. She just ignored her failing health, and kept pushing to support her children. God I miss calling her and listening to her talk. No matter what if she was awake she was happy to talk. We would drive for hours just talking about work, life, just. Anything. I was planning on moving back in with her so I could help get everything under control. Maybe if I took the lead and cleaned the apartment, Maddy and Autumn would help. Mom could relax, and I could help pay her bills so she wouldn’t have to worry so much. She passed away two weeks before my planned move in date. Her heart gave out while she was asleep. I found her laying there. She was resting her head on her arm, she clearly fell asleep, but something was wrong. You could tell by looking at her. I went up to her to try and wake her up, but one touch of the arm and…

Well she was cold. I called 911, they told me to lay her on the ground and to start performing CPR. The ground. God was it a mess, not a clear spot to be found. I couldn’t just lay my mom down in filth, random objects stabbing her back. So I quickly cleaned the area I’d lay her down despite what the operator said, and got to performing CPR.

I could slowly feel the warmth coming back to her as I did it. Her lips were slightly blue when I started, but by the time the paramedics got there they looked healthy and I thought there was a chance she’d be alright. That she’d wake up, and insist that she was fine. The officers who came with the paramedics got my dog from my bedroom, and thank god they did because about a minute later they told me she was gone and that there was nothing they could do. God bless that beautiful dog, he was there when I needed him. Normally he’s a little hellhound that refuses to behave, but he knew something was wrong. He just let me hold him while I cried on our stairwell. After that I tried calling my older sister, but she didn’t pick up. It was Halloween at 2 am after all, the night before she got drunk with her friends and was asleep at that moment. I called my aunt, and let her know mom passed away. She immediately got out of bed, got dressed, and was on her way. I also told my dad, and he did the same. He got Maddy from her friends and came to moms to pick me up. One thing your never prepared for is to see the man, the pillar in your life shaking. Not out of anger or frustration, because… well I don’t even know. I don’t think he knows. They were divorced nearly as long as I had been alive, but he was shaking when I hugged him.

I’m scared he’s gonna work himself to death like mom did, and I’m worried I’m going to do the same. It’s what we have to do to survive after all in this hell scape.

Anyways anyone who reads this. I’m sorry you found your way to my trauma dump. I can’t afford a therapist, and the next best thing is to scream into the void at random strangers

[karenlivesherlifeyo]

Pip. Pippa. Pippa Dippa Dew. Mrs. Pippy. Pippi Longstocking. Pippa Lou Who. Pippadopolous. Little Feet. Sweet Baby Girl. My Little Black Bean. Drippy Lippy Pippy. Squeaks, Pippalicious, Princess Peezy. Janet Yellin’.

So many names for one sweet cat. She was a month shy of 16 years old. We were together a month shy of 13 years.

In early 2011, an Air Force friend of mine was reassigned from our base in Illinois to a base in England. She didn’t want to put Pip through the trauma of flying overseas so she asked if someone would take her in. I was deployed at the time but missed having a cat in the house since my boy, Figaro, passed away a year and a half prior. I told her I could take Pip if someone else could foster her until I got home from deployment. A coworker of mine said she could do that. The plan for Pip was in place.

I returned from deployment on April 5, 2011, but, due to a burst pipe in the house that required a bit of repair and new carpet, I didn’t pick her up until April 29th. She hid in the closet that first night, but sometime in the middle of the next day, I heard a tiny meow and saw her rubbing her cheek on the hallway wall, trying to decide if she wanted to come over to me or not. Once she decided I was safe, she never left my side.

One day, Pip’s former mom told me if I was leaving on vacation (which I was in June), Pip would freak out if she was left alone. The next day I headed to PetSmart and adopted Andy, a peach floof with no voice. He tried to meow but no sound came out. He was the yin to loudmouth Pip’s yang. They weren’t best buds, but they appreciated each other’s company.

We moved to Minneapolis that July (I knew when I adopted her that we were going to relocate due to my pending reassignment). They adjusted well to our new home, but Andy’s health took a sudden turn, and, by Thanksgiving of that year, he was gone. Pip and I were both sad by his loss. He was a floofy ninja, but his quiet presence was missed. A couple of weeks later, our vet posted a picture of a cat that was looking for a home. He had been sleeping in the window well of a house in the country. The homeowners had taken him to the vet to vaccinate him, get him fixed, and find him a new home. He had big round eyes and little round ears, and within a few days he was a member of our little family. He and Pip got along well. It wasn’t all sunshine and roses in the beginning, but before long they were cuddling together while they slept.

I retired in 2014 and we moved to Rapid City, South Dakota. Again, she and Scotty adjusted well to the move. We went from a 2-bedroom apartment to a 3-bedroom house with a finished basement and a big backyard. She loved sleeping on the windowsills, or on the back of the couch, in front of the big picture window. In the early morning, when I got back from my run, I would let them out the front door so they could roll on the sidewalk and smell the morning smells. She loved rolling on her back!

Four years later, another move took us to the southeast corner of the state. First, we lived in an apartment. They adjusted well, but we were on the second floor so there was no way they could roll on the sidewalk. There was a balcony, but I wouldn’t let them out there very often because I was afraid they’d jump! Also, she was tiny, so I worried about her accidentally rolling under the railing and falling off.

In early 2019, we moved to the house I’m in now. She loved having windows to sleep in front of again. She loved it when I opened the front door, and she could stretch out in the sun for the afternoon. She was happy. At night, she would sleep on my chest while I lounged on the couch watching tv. She slept next to my head at night, making biscuits on my neck while she licked my chin. She even tolerated the third addition to the family, Jimmy. I volunteered at the local humane society and Jimmy had been there for seven months. He started out as a baby, but was growing into a tall, loud boy with a big personality. I brought him home in February 2020 “to foster” him for a weekend, and he hasn’t left yet!

In the past year, Pip started showing her age. She developed a thyroid issue that caused her to lose weight. She was small when I got her; she became tiny. My neighbor referred to her as “Itty Bitty.” She was eating and playing and behaving like usual, but she also started sleeping more. While I watched tv, she would start out on my chest but eventually she would move to my lap, under a blanket, where she could be warm. When I would move upstairs to bed, she would sleep under the covers while I read, and then I would lift the covers, say “okay Pippy” and she would crawl out and make herself comfortable by my head.

On the 4th of this month, she wouldn’t eat. She wouldn’t take her morning Churro with her medicine mixed in. She wouldn’t eat soft food or treats. She just wanted to sleep. I mentally prepared myself for the end. Early in the afternoon, I was in the kitchen when she suddenly came running in, meowing in her loud voice. She was awake and she was hungry! For the next few days, everything was good again. On Sunday the 10th, she wouldn’t eat again. She just wanted to sleep all day. I told myself I would monitor her and, if she continued to turn her nose at food, I would call the vet. Later that night, she ate again. She seemed fine on Monday and Tuesday, although she was sleeping a lot.

Wednesday morning started off normally. My alarm went off at 6:00 a.m. She jumped off the bed, ran into the bathroom, and meowed until I came in, turned on the water in the tub, and lifted her into it so she could lick the water from the drain. She always loved the tub! In the Rapid City house, she would sit on the edge, licking water off the tile wall while I showered. The tub in this house is clawfoot so she couldn’t do that, but if I picked her up and put her in, she would jump out whenever she was done. Wednesday was no different. I went downstairs to feed the boys, and then I went back to the stairs to bring hers to her. She usually met me at the top of the stairs, but this morning she met me at the bottom. She had jumped out of the tub and made it down the stairs with no problem. She licked up her gravy/medication combo, and then followed me upstairs to hang with me while I got ready for work.

I was in the bathroom, getting ready to do my hair, when I looked over and saw Scotty was drinking from the water bowl. Pip was sitting next to him, and she was trying to drink, too, but she couldn’t stand up to get closer. I watched her try to walk away, but her legs collapsed under her. She cried out. I scooped her up and brought her into my room. She stretched out on the bed, next to my leg, while I grabbed my phone and emailed my students to let them know their 8:00 a.m. class was cancelled. I called the vet and left a message. Eventually, we moved downstairs to wait for the vet to call me back. She and I were on the couch; I held her like a baby against my chest. I told her how much I loved her and that it was okay if she just didn’t want to do this anymore. I reminded her of how great our life together was.

The vet called and asked if I could drop her off. I did just that 10 minutes later. I kissed Pip’s head, told her I loved her and went back home to wait. The vet tech called less than an hour later to get more information: Was the inability to walk gradual or sudden? Had she been eating? I answered, hung up, and waited again. Eventually, the doctor called to give me an update. They were going to put her on an IV with some anti-inflammatory medicine to help with the joints and keep her overnight for observation. They had her propped up on a heated pad with soft blankets. I was told I could come visit her any time. I told the doctor I would come around 3:00 p.m. so she’d know I hadn’t abandoned her.

Shortly after noon, the clinic called again. I knew as soon as I saw the caller ID that it was bad news. It was the doctor, letting me know Pip had suffered a seizure and it was time to make the decision. I told her I didn’t want my baby girl to suffer, so I agreed to let her go. She said she would be available at 2:00 p.m., but I could come earlier to spend time with Pip before they administered the medications.

I went at 1:40. I signed the paperwork, opted for cremation with return of the remains, paid the bill, and then they brought her to me. She was wrapped in a puppy pad and a blanket. We sat on that couch for 15 minutes. I cried and told her over and over again how much I loved her. She was so still, I thought perhaps she had passed in my arms. Suddenly, she cried, flipped over, and slapped her paw onto my forehead. I laughed through the tears because she had always been intrusive of my personal space. The fact she was doing so in her final moments was fitting.

The doctor and tech came in. When Figaro and Andy passed, they were on the table, and I petted them while looking at them in their eyes and telling them I loved them. I wanted them to see me while they left this life. Pip stayed on my chest. It was her favorite place to sleep. I kissed her little head over and over again, hoping she heard my words as she slipped away. I also wondered, with her head against my heart, could she hear it breaking, too?

[ravens-edge]

A Thought on Life

On quite a morose not, 2 days ago marks the anniversary of my mother's death. strangely enough I did not know until I got a message from the funeral home while I was at work. I went upon the day like it was any other. woke up, showered, got dressed, and went to work. I had completed some tasks and went to check my phone only to notice that I had a notification on my phone telling me that my family was in their prayers. I did not know what they were talking about at first. I was quite puzzled. and then the pieces snapped right together. the connections were made, and I looked at the date again only to realize that it was the first ever year anniversary date of my mother's parting into the afterlife.

grief is such a strange thing to me. I must admit I do not know how to process it properly. the day I found out that she had been in the accident and passed away at the hospital I was shaken. I did not know what to think. I had gotten a strange message from an account that had followed me a few weeks prior. the message read something along the lines of "[Raven], your mother is dead. she died in a car accident. here is the number for the funeral home. call them as soon as you can." Imagine the way someone feels hearing that. all of the thoughts running through my head. It had to be a prank. Who even is this person? how did they find out? how did they get my account? is this really the way I found out my mother was dead, if she was really dead?

and then i got a message on messanger. A text from my grandmother on my fathers side reading have you gotten the message from your father? my father is not a good person. I had cut contact with him when i was 14 because of a series of unspeakable things he did. i do not wish to go into any further detail about it. but yeah. my father lived in a different state so it was easy to forget about him. somehow he always popped up at the worst times though. like a period.

an off analogy but an accurate one i would say, at least for me. you go about your time as normal, enjoy a few weeks where your body is not angry with you. you have things planned. like a trip to a really cool place. maybe somewhere deep in the mountains mushroom hunting or something more modern such as going on vacation somewhere with a pool. you enjoy the time so much, so you forget about the impending thing that always seems to make its way around. and all of a sudden, since it came unexpectedly you feel the felling. if you are someone with periods, you know what i am talking about. you are not prepared whatsoever. no pads, no tampons, not even a cup. there is nothing. so instead of having a fun time swimming or hiking, you are having to worry about the giant stain that is going to be left over. my father is like that.

my mother and him had been divorced almost as long as i have been alive. why was he the first person to find out and not someone my mother actually knew? why was he following me on a hidden account and why out of all people was he the one, easily my least favorite person in the world, the person to have to tell me that my mom died?

today had me thinking about that. it had me thinking about how i had to be the person to tell the family who actually mattered that my mom died. that i was the next of kin, and that it was so close to christmas. i had never been a huge fan of it. but it was a year i really wanted to celebrate. a year where i wanted to spend time with my family. but now, each christmas that i have, i will be reminded that i found out my mom died 3 days before christmas and that she died 4 days before. just a month after my birthday i have to remember that my mom is dead. i have to deal with that for the rest of my life. why was she taken away the moment she was trying to get better?

death is an odd thing. something that everyone of us will have happen eventually. Maybe calmly in our sleep, sudden like my mother's car accident, or violently. all we can wish for is that it is not the latter 2. all the more reason to live your life as authentically as you can is, is it not? either way I suppose I am done rambling about this. it only took me 3 days to write. thank you if you were able to read this far! I realize it was quite a bit to take in.

[wearingraincoats]

Did y’all ever have to do a street survey in school? It seems like it should have been a high school project, but for me it was sixth grade. We all had to choose an individual topic, research the pros and cons, survey people for their opinions, etc. Basically baby’s first essay. My topic was whether or not we should clone extinct animals, but that’s not important. When I had to do my street survey, my family was on vacation and I’m only just realizing now how fucked up it was that my mom just left a 12 year old girl on the sidewalk of a random Navy base in a state where we didn’t even live for like an hour. I mean, it would have been one thing if we were back home in our small town and I was left in front of the grocery store (like all of the other kids in my class did), that still seems kind of iffy to me, but as an adult now, I couldn’t dream of leaving my kid alone like that??? Her reasoning was that I would be safe because it was a military base but Jesus Christ I’m lucky that I didn’t get abducted. I’m pretty sure that was the same vacation that we had to come home early. My youngest sister was maybe a year old, and my parents left me and my middle sister at the hotel to watch her. We had two bedrooms, one for the kids and one for my parents, and because the baby was sleeping and we were left there for hours, we went to the next room to watch tv. We kept checking on the baby, but apparently not often enough, because all of a sudden our mom was there screaming at us because our sister had been crying in the next room loudly enough that the hotel manager called them. I don’t fully remember why we had to leave, but I’m pretty sure it was because my mom was embarrassed. She definitely told us that it was our fault though— definitely not the fault of a grown woman who left a 12 year old and 9 year old in charge of a baby for hours. I mean, she really just expected us to sit in a dark room with her while she slept, and was furious that we didn’t (definitely didn’t help that both of us have ADHD). Growing up seems to just be a never ending series of realizations that your parents made some really fucked up decisions.

[i-need-your-help-discontinued]

The Context

For those of you who read my “About Me” post, you already know that I’m an Indian immigrant who lives in the US. I moved here when I was just a seven year old girl back in 2012. One of the very first friendships my parents made when we moved here was with an Indian immigrant couple, who have a son around my little brother’s age. My parents really bonded with these two people, due to their shared culture and experiences as Indian immigrants. Ever since they all first became friends, our families have continued to get closer and closer over the years.

The husband in this couple my parents became friends with is a man we will call Mr. P. I won’t be using his real name. Mr. P is my parents' trusted family friend, and I never felt like I could completely trust him for some reason. I felt guilty about it since he never really gave me a reason to feel like this- that is, until the summer of 2021.

During the summer vacation before I was going to start my junior year, my family and a bunch of other Indian immigrant families went to stay at a villa near a beach in California for a week. Naturally, we went to this beach pretty often during our stay there. One evening, we were coming back from the beach to wash off the sand on our bodies in the public showers. My mother and I were having a discussion where she randomly commented that I’m still a child. The context behind this comment is not important; however, what is important is that Mr. P chimed into this conversation by first scanning my body up and down, before telling me that “I am no longer a child, I’ve now grown up into an adult”. Despite how incredibly uncomfortable and disgusted I felt by the implication of his response, I politely told him that my mother is right- I am still a child. He spent the rest of that night lightheartedly insisting that I had in fact grown up into an adult and was no longer a child every single time we interacted for the rest of that day. Throughout the rest of the trip, he became much more friendly than I was used to all of a sudden, and even complimented my looks more than usual. This uncanny, friendly behavior and sudden increase in compliments on my physical appearance continued even after summer vacation had ended, and continued for the rest of my junior year.

During this time, not only had I confided in my friends about this uncomfortable situation I was dealing with between me and Mr. P, but I had also told my mother several times that I don’t think Mr. P had innocent intentions when we had these awkwardly creepy interactions. Alas, my mother insisted that I was looking too deep into things, and instead suggested that Mr. P was simply being so affectionate with me because he sees me as a daughter. I felt so helpless because it felt like there was nothing I could do to put an end to his inappropriate behavior. However, I had not even faced the worst of it yet.

The worst case of Mr. P pushing my boundaries happened during a trip to Mexico with my family and his. This was during the summer vacation of 2022 before senior year. One night, I was on the rooftop of the villa we were staying at. I had asked Mr. P if I could borrow his portable charger, and he came up to the roof top to give it to me. I called my mother as soon as I plugged my phone into the charger so I could inform her of my whereabouts since she was at the “adults only” pool. Unfortunately, the call did not go through due to the incredibly poor service in our area. While I was waiting for my mother to pick up the phone, Mr. P had his arm wrapped around me, his head on my shoulder. He was not exactly sober either. I felt so immensely uncomfortable from the physical contact, but had no courage to speak up against it. When the phone call didn’t go through, he told me he’d let my mother know where I am. Then all of a sudden he leaned in and….kissed me on the cheek. After a couple minutes of him profusely apologizing and me (untruthfully) insisting everything was okay, he finally left the rooftop to go join the other parents in the “adults only” pool. Months later, I finally confide in my mother after my friends insist that I should, and she still thinks it’s all just a big misunderstanding. That I’m still looking too deep into it, and that Mr. P is really only being so “affectionate” with me because he loves me like a daughter.

I feel so helpless and confused. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to think? Is my mother right? Am I villainizing an innocent man because of my own melodramatic tendencies? I need to hear what other people have to say on this subject for my own sanity. And if you have any further questions on this issue that you’re curious about, feel free to ask them for further clarification.

Anon asks I have gotten so far.