#one of those kinda moods folks

[nenoname]

while the only redeeming quality of love god really is the stan joke, it does emphasize how bad mabel is at matchmaking and also how much romance sucks actually

[feybeasts]

I really don’t know if this is like. For anyone. But as a 33 year old autistic, I’ve spent a lot of time having to deal with a wide variety of folks in various jobs, and it’s forced me out of my shell. I dunno if you’d call ‘em masking behaviors or just… guidelines, but I thought I’d share some stuff about how I try to go about dealing with socializing with folks, especially neurotypicals, in the hopes it might help folks like me who, growing up, didn’t have a rulebook for this stuff.

It’s by no means comprehensive, but maybe some of you can use it:

Open with kindness, folks are a mystery until you get to know them, but if you’re polite and assume the best unless proven otherwise, nine times out of ten, they’ll be the same way!

If someone is rude or disrespectful or unkind off the bat, it truly is a problem on their end, not yours. I know that’s one your parents might have thrown out without explaining, but genuinely, my experience has been that people aren’t good about compartmentalization, and they tend to let their bad mood spill out.

Similarly, it’s your right to disengage if someone makes you uncomfortable. You don’t owe someone your attention if they’re rude or too forward, and it’s not your obligation to correct their behavior. It’s okay to just move on!

Remember people aren’t mind readers- I know for folks like us, feelings can be Big and Present and Overwhelming, but from the outside, people might just assume you’re being sullen or grumpy. It’s helpful to explain yourself, what’s going on- don’t give ‘em your life’s story and try to lead with kindness, as above, but explaining where your head is at can help folks understand why things might be hard for you.

People REALLY like to try to fix stuff. If you tell someone who cares about you what’s going on and they try to throw a buncha stuff like “well have you tried this” or “maybe you should do this” at you, they’re generally not trying to tell you what to do like you’re wrong, they’re just not sure how to help and are doing what comes naturally- trying to fix the problem. It can help to open any venting with “hey, can I vent about this?” Since then the expectations are set.

People can only operate on the information they have, so it’s better to over-explain than not explain at all. Don’t throw out every single detail of what’s going on, just the basics, but “I’m feeling frustrated because of some unexpected news” or “Well, I’m kinda struggling with my relationship with a friend” can be enough for folks to understand things at the ground floor.

There are very few people in your life who are capable of taking on the weight of a friend’s problems on top of their own, and it takes time to learn who those people are. I know folks like us can make friends quickly and rush into trusting them implicitly, but people can sometimes take a while to show you who they are. And not every friendship is gonna be as deep as we’d like it to be. This is okay, of course, not everyone has to be best buds, but it can help a lot to take the time to wait for those people to show who they are.

Ask questions, listen to people, and know that it’s okay for there to be silence. It’s very easy to get excited about what’s stuck in your craw on a given day, but remember that from the outside, people might get worn out if every conversation is about what you’re fixated on. It’s a give and take, so try to consciously remind yourself to make sure to listen and give them room to speak too! It means a lot when you do that for people!

When you don’t know if someone is ignoring you or if they’re mad at you or what have you from a lack of information, remember that oftentimes it’s a product of ignorance, not malice. Again, you know how you feel about a situation, but they probably don’t. A conversation turning from what you were talking about, someone ceasing replying to you, not answering a question, etc is more often just unaware than they are actively being malicious.

Remember that it’s on other folks to tell you if there’s a problem between them and you, not on you to sleuth it out. If they aren’t properly communicating with you, that’s on them, not you- try not to beat yourself up if someone doesn’t talk to you about something before a molehill becomes a mountain, that’s a mistake all kinda folks make, and it’s something some people never learn.

Most of all, remember that for all the talk of social cues and neurotypical behavior, the truth is, everyone kinda… sucks at this social thing. All you really control is how you approach it, so if you do your best to come into a relationship of any kind with kindness and love for yourself and respect for others, most of the time you’ll come out ahead!

ADDENDUM: BIG one here- if you think you did something wrong, apologize! I don’t mean a big like- sobbing show of contrition, don’t grovel or write paragraphs, but if you speak over someone or say something that doesn’t land or make any little social mistake here or there (everyone does sometimes!) a simple little genuine “oh, my apologies!” Or “oop, my bad!” Not only makes them feel better, it can make you feel better too!

Hope some of these help folks!

[mm-lurking]

From the distance - Blade

Since he never made an effort when you tried to befriend him, you gave up and stuck to your own business. Yet somehow, he’s there when you find yourself in trouble.

A/N: Another fic where I just want Blade to be my knight in shining armour. Once again written when I was sleep deprived for several nights straight. The best ideas do come when you are out of your mind fr. No idea where I was going with this tbh, I just kept writing. Sorry if it's ooc and kinda dragged out! I tried to write him as well as possible. Warnings: Blade x fem!reader, some violence, blood and tension between you and Blade. NPC with a CN name, I'm not sure if I used the Chinese name the right way? Apologies in advance if its wrong! WC: 4754 --- Another night at the Xianzhou Luofu. Another meeting with the Stellaron Hunters. In contrast to the calm night outside, Blade impatiently taps his feet as he glares at the door. You’re supposed to be here in the room ready to begin the meeting. Kafka is supposed to be here too but that’s not the point. The point is you and where you are. Some time passes by and the door slowly creaks open. He snaps his head around hoping it's you- only to see Kafka. The tiny glint of anticipation fades away quickly and his usual stone face replaces it, but it is not quick enough to slip by Kafka.

“She’s not going to be here Bladie.”

Kafka chuckles as she walks in and takes a seat at the table. He glares at her.

“I did not ask.”

“You didn’t ask about her indeed, but your face betrays you.”

He scoffs and looks away in the distance. The woman observes him for a moment and smiles.

“She had another meeting to attend urgently. Took me by surprise honestly. She came running here two hours ago hastily explaining herself and apologising before running off again. How amusing.”

Her eyes do not leave Blade’s face as she talks. In her lifetime of working with him, never had she seen him so…agitated over a mere mortal. A mortal he claimed he didn’t care for or wanted to associate with. Another chuckle leaves her lips and she waves her hand dismissively.

“Well since it’s just the two of us we can postpone the meeting.”

She gets up from the chair and turns around to walk away only for Blade to stop her.

“Kafka.”

“Yes?”

“Who is she meeting?”

She places a hand on her waist and smirks. He says nothing more and continues staring at her face waiting for an answer.

“I thought you said you didn’t care?”

“Kafka.”

His tone suggests he is in no mood for jokes. She sighs and shakes her head.

“She’s meeting Mr Li Qi.”

“..?!”

Kafka observes his startled expression and pretends to be clueless as she taps her finger on her lips. She knew what she was doing of course.

“What’s the matter, Blade? You look like you’re in deep thought.”

“You knew she was going to Li Qi and let her go on her own?”

Kafka shrugs.

“Why not?”

His jaw clenches and unclenches as he looks straight into her eyes.

“You know how dangerous that man is.”

“Oh come on Bladie. She’s more than capable of handling him. After all, she was the one who approached him first.”

His eyes grow wide momentarily before returning to normal. Several thoughts are running in his head but the main theme is along the lines of how stupid and foolish you are. Li Qi, a businessman on the Luofu was notorious for his shady practices and downright unethical behaviour. To the common folk, he was a simple successful businessman but to those who had intel on him or many connections across the Luofu, they knew of his true identity and what dangers lurked in associating with him. He was cunning enough to protect himself and the business from the eyes of the law while simultaneously maintaining his illegal proceedings.

“You didn’t attempt to stop her even once?”

Blade’s voice is laced with concern and disbelief as he replies.

“Why should I? Who are we to interfere in her plans? We are not saviours.”

In contrast to her unconcerned-sounding words, her face is the complete opposite. She displays a small smile, intently watching Blade to see what he would do.

“…”

Silence fills the air. There is a faraway look in his eyes as he stares at the entrance door.

“You should have told me earlier.”

He says calmly as he suddenly stands up and walks towards the door, taking long strides as if he urgently had to leave.

“Whether you decide to protect her or not…it is all part of Elio’s script.”

The way she speaks is as if she was merely watching the pawn move in a game of chess, already aware of every move that was going to occur. He freezes on the spot as he realises.

“You already knew this was going to happen, didn’t you?”

He turns around to look at her and she shrugs, completely avoiding the question before continuing.

“There is a warehouse at Stargazer Navalia where Mr Li Qi frequents. If I am correct, she must be there right now.”

There is nothing more said between the two as Blade nods and opens the door before he walks away in a fast-paced manner. When the door shuts close Kafka stares at the door for a moment before laughing.

“So much for not caring huh? Oh, Bladie..”

—

You could tell something was off since you stepped foot into the warehouse. There were several red flags actually. One, Mr Li Qi asked to meet you in this warehouse instead of a commonplace like the restaurants in Aurum Alley. Two, you weren’t here to look at the items of interest yet so you shouldn’t be in a warehouse in the first place. Three, the silence of the meeting point and how it was conveniently hidden away in a deserted side of the Stargazer Navalia.

You weren’t a fool though. You had purposely walked into this trap well aware that there was something oddly peculiar about this man. Something about the way Mr Li Qi looked and the suspicious tone of his messages told you he was a man worth investigating. You weren’t from the IPC nor were you a Stellaron Hunter, but you sure had made a name for yourself amongst the natives in terms of commissions and business.

Perhaps that is why Mr Li Qi was so delighted to meet you when you first sent a request to meet him. Perhaps that is also why there was a gun pressed against the side of your forehead. The cold barrel, in contrast to your sweaty skin, sent shivers down your spine.

“Tell me miss, surely you didn’t take me as a fool?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

You reply calmly but groan when the gun is pressed harder into your skull. Mr Li Qi is standing behind you with a harsh grip on the back of your neck as he uses his right hand to firmly point the gun at you. You scan your environment to make sense of the danger you’re in. The long eerily hall of the warehouse has almost no inventory; a few boxes of odd things lie around and there are some cardboard boxes stacked over in the corner. They are probably meant as a cover or to fake the appearance of a warehouse. There aren’t many men of his around either, just two bodyguards that currently stand in front of you to prevent your escape and a few other men in the far distance at the door standing like statues.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about? Is that so?”

He mocks your words and grits his teeth. You feel another chill run down your spine.

“Do you take me as a fool miss? I am fully aware of who you are and what you do.”

“I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about. I collect antiques for fun and that’s why I approached you.”

Lies. You were praying he wouldn’t realise you were lying through your teeth. You weren’t here for antics, you were here to investigate a fraud he had committed. One of your family friends had been caught in his traps and this sly fox was able to avoid all legal charges by hiding documents and falsifying testimonies. Having no hope left, the family friend had turned to you for help and considering your ties with them you agreed.

“How peculiar of you to approach me instead of the many, many antique collectors out there. Your interest in the jade pendants of the Xianzhou is very uncalled for considering your job status.”

You gulp. Shoot. No pun intended.

“Who are you to judge my interests Mr.? Especially if it brings you money?”

You retort and immediately regret it when the gun goes off with a loud bang.

-

His breathing is heavier than usual as he finally reaches Stargazer Navalia. The veins on his neck have not stopped popping from how tightly he has been clenching his jaw and gritting his teeth. A flurry of insults goes through his head as he thinks of you while he simultaneously searches for the warehouse. There is no time to rest as he dashes through the tall steel container boxes and small bridges frantically searching for you.

“…?!”

In the distance, he hears the sound of a gun going off and freezes momentarily before whipping his head around to see a large warehouse a couple of meters away. The description of the warehouse fits what Kafka had told him and he dashes towards it. Was that…? No, it can’t be, he shakes off the negative thoughts as he aggressively pushes against the large wooden doors with his body. The lock from the inside breaks into two from the strength he exerts and the doors swing open, revealing several men ready to fight and four figures in the dim light further away.

“Who goes there?!”

Li Qi shouts from the other end, his voice echoing off the walls of the empty warehouse. There are hints of anxiety and anger in his words but Blade says nothing. Instead, he pulls out his weapon and slashes his way through the men guarding the door, injuring them swiftly and easily as they drop on the floor like dead flies. One of them tries to grab onto his leg and he stomps on the guard’s chest, making the guard scream in pain. He sneers.

He takes longer and faster strides as he approaches where you are and your figure becomes clearer with each step he takes. A small sigh of relief leaves his lips as he realises that you’re still alive. The look on his face is deadly with his eyes ablaze and he glares at the two bodyguards blocking him from your view.

-

Eventhough you are not one to be afraid of danger, the gun going off right next to your head has you shaken up. The vibrations of the gun ripple through your skull and you can feel a headache setting in. Lucky for you, the gun lacks bullets as you’re clearly still alive after he pulled the trigger. Li Qi mumbles a bunch of insults under his breath as he attempts to refill the bullets only to stop as the warehouse doors open with a loud thud. Both you and your captor flinch at the unexpected event, confused at the commotion by the door.

You hear Li Qi yell but you don’t register what he says. Your eyes are on the figure that violently makes its way through the appointed guards of the warehouse, like a tornado destroying everything in its path as it gets closer to you. It is when the figure stands in your line of sight do you recognise -it is Blade.

“Bla-“

He looks at you immediately when you call out to him in a raspy voice. Unfortunately, Li Qi prevents you from finishing his name as he cocks the gun and roughly handles you making you wince. Blade’s grip on his weapon tightens trying to control the urge to cut off the man’s head on the spot. In contrast to your situation, Blade notes that you look calm for someone who is in the hands of death.

“Shut up or I will put a bullet through your head”, Mr Li Qi seethes. “You are lucky I forgot to replace my bullets- wha-?!”

A loud slash resounds in the air as Blade can no longer stand the nuisance and brandishes his weapon in front of the bodyguards causing Li Qi to quiver. He gives the men no chance to prepare for how rapidly he makes use of his sword, cementing his prowess as a swordsman once again in front of you. You close your eyes not wanting to see the bloodshed as a chill goes down your spine hearing the clashing of swords and grunts of the bodyguards. Before you know it, it’s just you, Li Qi and Blade left in the warehouse. The loud groans and whines of the guards fill the air as their wounds hurt. There are streaks and splashes of blood all over the floor but none of that bothers Blade however as he stands in front of you, his eyes flickering back and forth between you and your captor.

“D-do not take another step! Or- or I will kill her!”

Li Qi panics and screeches as he points the gun at your saviour and then back at you. All you do is flash a tiny smile at Blade. You’re tired, exhausted and the bruise forming on your neck and now the side of the forehead hurts. The willpower you had at the beginning of the situation has started to waver as you feel stale and unable to turn the tables. And with a splitting headache that only seems to get worse, you don’t have the brainpower to think either. You watch how he continues to look at you silently with eyes that carry concern and anger.

“Let her go.”

Blade states firmly. It is not a request, it is an order. The businessman looks visibly shaken from how his men are lying on the floor and the threatening command of the Stellaron Hunter. Instead of obeying, he frantically runs his mouth again.

“You, I know you! Aren’t you the guy that the IPC wants?! You’re a criminal yourself, how dare you tell me what to do?!”

Blade scoffs. You gulp, knowing this won’t end well. He says nothing and simply repeats his warning.

“I said let. Her. Go.”

You know he is not talking to you but somehow you’re starting to shiver in fear too. This man has always avoided almost any interaction with you yet here he was, asking your captor to release you with such a menacing aura. This side of him was so rare and frightening to see that you were silently praying you would never have to see it again.

Li Qi refuses to comply and Blade hmphs before drawing his sword once again and striking the arm of Li Qi. It all happens so fast that you barely have the chance to move as the blade whizzes past your ear and hits Qi. The gun drops from his hand on the ground with a loud thud as he wails in pain, clutching his injured arm with the other. Blood is trickling down his hands and arms and it splatters on your shoes. You stand there for a while stunned at what’s going on only to be brought back to your senses when Blade grabs your hand and pulls you into his chest.

“Huh-? Oh-!”

It takes you a moment to register your position. Your hands have subconsciously gripped his coat to steady yourself and his free hand is loosely hanging on your lower back. You can’t see his face from this position but you can hear his loud heartbeat and the way he takes slow deep breaths. He smells like blood and the finest mix of musky perfume, a scent you are unfamiliar with but still welcome. Suddenly you find yourself feeling flustered and awkward and try to pull away from his body only for his arm around you to tighten.

“B-blade?!”

Li Qi is still yelling and wailing behind you but being in Blade’s arms has somehow blocked it all out, like a magical shield that is keeping you safe. Your own heartbeat starts to increase as his crimson eyes meet yours and he maintains eye contact without breaking away.

“Fool.”

He finally speaks and you are baffled.

“What?”

“You are incredibly stupid.”

“Excuse me?”

“Is your hearing impaired?”

“My head is aching very badly, thank you very much.”

What the hell is with this man?! You scowl at the way he talks to you. You no longer want to be in his arms anymore and use your strength to push yourself away but to no avail. Frustrated you smack his chest grumbling at him.

“I’m ok now, can you let me go? Sheesh.”

As you both are bantering, behind you, Li Qi stumbles to grab his gun from the floor. There is a cruel smile on his face as he lifts the gun, points it straight at the back of your head and presses the trigger.

“…!”

Blade’s eyes suddenly narrow as he pushes you into his chest once again and hauls his weapon up to cover your skull just in time. You gasp as the bullet ricochets off his weapon with a loud shing leaving you stunned. You tremble in his arms from the impact, trying to process what just happened.

“Close your eyes.”

He says gently and you obey. All you hear is the sound of his blade being hurled at the businessman and an ear-piercing scream that makes your blood curdle. You squeeze your eyes shut tighter. 

“Keep your eyes closed.”

He commands you and you nod. You feel the loss of his body warmth as he detaches himself from you and walks towards the businessman. Li Qi is lying on the floor with the sword piercing his chest as he gasps for air. He attempts to grab his gun again which is a few centimetres away from his fingers only for Blade to stomp on his hand and kick the gun away from him. You flinch at how the businessman screams.

“Holding an innocent hostage is a greater sin than mine.”

Blade says as a matter-of-factly and removes the sword from his chest. Another nightmarish scream rings in your ears and you open your eyes from the discomfort you feel. You don’t even want to turn around and see the state your captor might be in. Blade walks back and faces you, frowning when he sees your eyes open.

“I told you to keep your eyes closed.”

“I-I tried-“

“It doesn’t matter. Do not look back.”

“Okay..”

You reluctantly listen to him, feeling extremely uncomfortable at how the situation has evolved. A moment of silence passes before you speak again.

“Is he…dead?”

You watch him look behind you and hmph before replying.

“If he isn’t now…he will be later.”

“But if he dies…I will be implicated..”

“No one knew about your meeting except Kafka, Li Qi and I, correct? There should be no issue then.”

“Blade that’s not how it-“

“You nearly died.”

Blade says coldly and you feel your heart drop.

“I nearly died yes, but this-“

“Why are you so complicated to deal with?”

“…what?”

Now you feel anger bubbling in your chest.

“I was not the one who asked you to barge into the warehouse by the way.”

You hiss at him and he glares at you.

“And you expected to survive? Alone in this warehouse?”

“I don’t see why that bothers you.”

“Your foolishness will get you killed one day.”

“Even if it does, how does that impact you? Not like you want me around anyways.”

Your head was pounding, the bruises on your neck and forehead stung, you were fatigued and shaken up and this man was simultaneously insulting your intelligence and capabilities. Of course you were agitated. Blade stares at you for a moment before sighing.

“How it impacts me has nothing to do with you.”

“Are you even hearing yourself?!”

“He would have killed you easily.”

You press a hand against your forehead and take a deep breath. Why was he arguing with you?

“It is I that will be in deep trouble if Mr. Li Qi dies, not you or Kafka regardless of who knew about our meeting. I have a reputation to maintain unlike you. And by the way, I did not need you to save me. You don’t even care about me and frankly, you don’t even show an ounce of cooperation when I try to work with you.”

You take a step closer to him. Tears brim in your eyes as you express your frustration.

“If my death were written to be tonight,” you look him straight in the eye, “it wouldn’t change a thing in your life. In fact, I am sure you would be glad of my riddance.”

Audacity flows through your veins as you jab a finger in his chest with each word you speak. Tears stream down your face and your throat closes up from the emotions that swarm you.

“So don’t tell me how to feel. You have no right to do so.”

He looks at you, speechless and shocked at the way you’re behaving. In the blink of an eye, you furiously wipe your tears before dashing off. Everything hurts and you feel like you’re suffocating. You pay no heed to the injured guards or the blood all over the floor as you run as fast as your legs can take you away from this place. You don’t even turn to take a look at Blade’s reaction. So much for fulfilling a request. So much for simply wanting to do the right thing. It was supposed to be a simple mission, why did it turn out like this? And why, out of all people that could come save you, was it Blade that had become your saviour?

You weren’t trying to cozy up to him, you weren’t trying to take advantage of his power, you weren’t trying to do anything at all. You simply wanted a mutual alliance for the sake of teamwork but he didn’t even bother to reciprocate. All those times he left you hanging, making you feel embarrassed, making you feel like a fool…how dare he come to your aid and then proceed to make you feel like you weren’t even good enough?

You finally stop running when your legs grow weary. It takes a moment for you to realise you’re still in Stargazer Navalia though you’re not sure where exactly. The winds of the night are gentle as the moon shines brightly in the sky. At least it was all over right? At least now there will be no more cases of scamming and threats from Li Qi, at least now your family friend can finally breathe in relief, at least you’re still alive after all that so why, why do you feel worse than you did when you entered the warehouse?

You sit on the stone pavement near a large steel container, hugging your knees and sobbing your heart out. The bruises sting once again and you wince. You wince harder as you softly trace the bruise on the back of your neck. God, was it that bad? How long had Li Qi held you for you to bruise like this? Doesn’t matter. There was no point in thinking about it any further. You didn’t want to think about anything at all.

“There you are.”

A familiar deep voice rings in the distance and you look up to see Blade again. His breathing is heavier than usual and he sighs in relief as he lays his eyes on you.  How the hell did he even find me?! A scowl forms on your face and you bury your head back into your knees, unwilling to speak to him. He stands there for a while before coming closer to kneel in front of you awkwardly.

“Are you hurt?”

You roll your eyes knowing he can’t see them. Given that you don’t answer, he places a hand on your forehead and pushes your head up causing you to yelp. You try to resist but his strength overpowers yours.

“Leave me alone.”

You say coldly, refusing to make eye contact with him as he examines your face for injuries. He ignores your reply and frowns at your tear-stained face. One look at the bruise on the side of your head and his frown deepens.

“I should have killed him the moment I saw him.”

“W-what?!”

He ignores your reply again as he wipes the tears from your eyes. You flinch at his odd behaviour but don’t push him away. His hands drop from your face to your neck to observe the bruising.

“Stabbing him once didn’t suffice.”

The soul leaves your body as he states his murderous intentions to you absentmindedly while looking at your injury. How was he being so caring while mentioning such things?!

“Y-you you can go now…”

Blade shakes his head.

“You’re injured. You’re lucky these bruises are all you have. I was afraid that the gun…”

He trails off and looks in the distance again. For a man who lived and breathed murder and blood, he sure was hesitant talking about you nearly getting shot. You blink at him, shocked at the words coming out of his mouth. Was this…his way of showing care?

“I would have stabbed him over and over if he had shot you.”

You freeze and Blade feels the way your neck muscles tighten on his fingertips. He gives you a small smile that further scares you.

“I-If you’re saying these things to make me feel better you can stop now. I’m fine.”

“I am speaking my honest opinion.”

A blush creeps up on your face and warmth surges through your body. This hot shot was capable of being nice after all. You feel his fingers cup your face again as he softly strokes your tear-stained cheeks. The cool breeze toys with your hair and he gently pushes the loose strands away, not breaking eye contact with you. You don’t understand what he’s trying to do but you let him be.

“I…I did not mean to hurt your feelings earlier.”

You scoff and turn away.

“If anything had happened to you, I am unsure if I would be able to forgive myself.”

That statement alone makes you snap your head back to him and he smiles at you, his eyes softening with such warmth that it makes your heart beat faster. A smile so authentic that it almost makes you forget he is a wanted criminal with a 9 million bounty.

“You…should have told me you were meeting Li Qi earlier.”

“I would have if you bothered to listen when I talk.”

You glare at him and he sighs. Conflicting emotions are swirling in his eyes.

“I had no interest in talking to you before.”

“Do you find joy in insulting my existence or what?”

You fume as you push yourself up from the ground, wanting to get away from him. Blade follows suit as he immediately puts his arms around your waist, tightening his grip which makes you gasp.

“Blade what the hell is wrong with you?!”

“It is unsafe for you to go back on your own.”

“At least I won’t have to deal with you.”

His eyebrows knit together as he looks at you concerned.

“I cannot have you get hurt again.”

“Geez I am not a baby- Blade-!”

You barely finish your sentence as he picks you up bridal style out of nowhere causing you to tightly hold onto his coat once again. You squeeze your eyes shut as dizziness takes over and bury your head into his chest. A soft chuckle escapes his lips and you can’t help but smile at how he sounds. Any happy emotion from him is foreign to you yet cute at the same time. The loud heartbeat that vibrates from his chest soothes you somehow and that metallic musky scent of his calms your senses. Despite how he drives you crazy, you wish you could remain like this for as long as possible. Not that you would ever say that out loud.

“You will be safe from the law as long as you’re with me. I will have Kafka take care of this mess.”

Despite your protests on how ‘ I want to do this the right away’ and ‘I can tell the cloud knights the truth’ he just completely ignores everything you have to say as he walks away from Stargazer Navalia with you in his arms. A small smile of amusement is plastered on his face as he pays no heed to your ramblings about the law or the consequences of his actions. He never listens to you, does he? And for once, you don’t mind it either. ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇ ©mm-lurking 2024 do not copy, steal or reuse my work.

[fire-lizard-ro]

Hi Roro, hope you’re doing well! Let me start by saying your Sunday stuff is MAGNIFICENT, oh my gosh this MAN-

I’ve come with a request for you…

Dr. Veritas Ratio x fem or gn reader. Bathtub. Sex. Like most of the time he’s only interested in reading in the tub, rejecting reader’s advances. But one day, idk, he’s in a MOOD but he doesn’t want to admit it, so he lets reader go a little further than normal with her advances, but he’s still being petty about it, kinda denying and still trying to read his book or whatever and it just Escalates eventually…

Aaaa thank you so much if you decide to do my request! Remember to take breaks and stay hydrated!

I'm ILL over this man jfc-

Dr. Ratio here to prescribe you with a dose of vitamin D-//SHOT

Veri, my love, please just one chance I'm begging just a crumb oisego-

But yesssss gimme the bathtube sex I want it- I wanna do all kinds of wild things to or with this man. Crazy.

But hehehe I know what you are. 👁️👁️

A s i m p . 🫵 (Like I'm any better.)

And thank you!!! This took a While, but I did it. I had lots of fun with it so feel free to request again~

CW and writing under the cut:

CW: vagina and cock (gasp), PIV sex, cockwarming, rough sex, hair pulling, choking (+some breath play), cumming inside (wrap it before you tap it folks), spanking, degradation+praise, objectification, kinda sorta human furniture thing???, name calling (ex:slut), use of words like "cunt" (wow that feels weird writing here-), marking, ignoring you during cockwarming, doggy position(?), cum play, holding your hands behind your back, discussion of safe wording (check-ins), kinda cum as lube?, funishment, d/s aspects to the relationship (though you are dating for romantic reasons as well), slight pussy slapping, talking to your pussy (I know this man a freak <333), crying during sex (+dacryphilia), dumbification (ofc this was gonna be here), ruined orgasm, edging, slight cum eating, a liiiiittle bit of gagging (w/ fingers), usage of "pet" exactly once

Reader gender: fem (I talked with anon separately and they decided on this when I asked for preference- I also only have one fem reader ask. If people want, I can write another version tweaked to be gn or AMAB/male reader~)

Disclaimers:

>>>Dr. Ratio will be referred to as Veritas here since reader is dating him.

>>>This was written and almost finished before 1.6 release.

Bathtub sex, surprisingly, probably isn't the norm for you two. After all, Veritas (oml it feels weird calling him that after so long of calling him Ratio-) enjoys his down time in the bath where he can relax with you and read his books. I like to think that it's one of the few times when his ever racing mind is a bit quieter. So when you are finally pent up enough at just the right time to want to pounce on him in the tub, he's a bit surpised at first. But the surprise would soon melt into mild annoyance. "Can't you just stay still? Quit it- I'm trying to read."

Of course he says it in that ever dramatic way of his while not even glancing up from his book. Speaking of said book- "You're going to get my book wet, darling-" (Yes, he's a "darling" kind of guy. It's sophisticated as he is. And you know he'd say it with that drawl of his and drag the word out. Sometimes in those more intimate moments, it sounds almost like a sultry purr with the way he says it, commanding all your attention.) "And if you do that, you know I'm going to have to punish you, hm?" You almost want it if it means he'd touch you where you want him, but you know that his punishments aren't necessarily fun. Yet still you like them all the same.

(They're more of funishments than punishments in this case- Please do know that funishments and punishments aren't the same, my dear little kinksters~ Since the reader actually enjoys these "punishments" a lot and they are done for their and Veritas' mutual gratification, it's a funishment. These are normally for bratting behavior while actual punishments are for serious things and are meant to actually discourage the behavior that earned you the punishment. Hopefully I explanied it well, lololol-)

But of course you continue to try and rouse his interest, touching him here and there. It reaches the point where you manage to wiggle your way between his arms, in front of his book. Not only does this block his view, but you're dripping water all over his book! (It was all of one or two droplets.) If you listened close enough, you'd probably have heard the sound of his reason breaking in that moment. Like you had poked a sleeping bear one too many times. (And some little part of himself that knew it was also partly because he also was getting into a mood was squashed. Of course it was just because you needed to be disciplined.)

"That's it. You want my attention, darling? Well now you have it.” There was something dark in his voice that sent a shiver down your back and made your nethers tingle in anticipation. He snapped the book closed and set it on the table by the bathtub almost gently, a stark contrast between how his voice sounded and how he was looking at you. He'd tilt his head and consider you, seemingly thinking about how best to punish you for your transgressions. "Hands on my shoulders and do not move them. Color?" Veritas was launching right into it, huh? "Green." "Good."

With hands on his strong shoulders, you watched him with eyes darting around his form to try and figure out what he'd do. Your question was answered by a hand gripping your hip and another dragging down between your breasts, then over your belly, then stopping on your mound. He didn't move any lower, fingers thrumming there just above where you wanted him. Teasing. "I can see your cunt drooling from here. Was she just so hungry that you couldn't be good and hold it until we were out of the tub?" Heat bloomed in your cheeks as he spoke. "Should I punish her? Hm?" Veritas gave your wetness a few light slaps, just enough to make you jolt but not enough to do more than just barely sting. "No- It isn't her fault she's so empty and wanting. But it is your fault that you couldn't be obedient and wait. Isn't that right, my cute little slut?" He whispered in your ear, leaned forward to curl possessively over you while his fingers slipped down to trace around your twitching hole as it tried to suck his finger in.

"Mmmmm..." he hummed lowly, the sound vibrating against you where your chests were pressed together. He kissed the spot beneath your ear before his lips marked a path down your neck, sucking and nipping marks into the tender flesh there. Just as he reached the junction between your neck and shoulder, he suddenly sunk his teeth in and thrusted two fingers into you at the same time. Veritas had sneakily wrapped an arm around your waist to keep you still right before so you weren't able to squirm away from his teeth or his fingers that now plunged in and out of you, agonizingly slow after that fast, rough entry.

The man pressed a kiss to your new bitemark before sliding the hand of the arm around your waist up your back to latch onto your nape and hold you still for a kiss. He chuckled into it as you attempted to fight him for dominance, your tongues clashing. Ultimately, he won and was now devouring your mouth, licking into it with fervor.

At some point, his fingers began to speed up. Veritas was fingerfucking you with his palm slapping against your throbbing clit. And right as you felt yourself begin that climb- He slowed down, his thrusts going back to a leisurely rhythm. He swallowed the whine that left your throat, smirking into the kiss you were still locked in. As he pulled away, he looked incredibly smug. "Thought it would be that easy? Of course not. This is a punishment.”

He did this another time, bringing you close to the rise of pleasure (not at all that close to your peak, though) before going frustratingly slowing. The third time, however... It didn't seem that he was going to stop, and you felt it build and build inside you like a white hot flame. And right as you were reaching the end... He spanked you and ripped his fingers out, sending you over the edge but ruining your orgasm. It had tears beading in your eyes. Fuck did that make him want to fuck you absolutely stupid, but he had more control than that. Your punishment was far from over.

He soothingly ran his hand over your back as you leaned into him, body shivering. "Color?" Through your panting breaths, you managed a weak, "Green." "Good girl." He didn't let you rest any longer, manhandling you into a new position. Now you were leaned over the edge of the tub with your hands keeping you from falling out, Veritas behind you. "I'm going to fuck you now, and you're going to take it all like a good girl, right?" At first you thought he was talking to you, but then he caressed your slit and cooed at it. That mixed sense of shame and arousal shot through you and had you clenching around nothing, making Veritas laugh condescendingly. "So honest..."

Again he started out slow, the sensual slide of his cock inside of your pussy making you close your eyes to focus on the pleasure he was giving you. But he was faster to ramp things up now that he'd already edged you and ruined one of your orgasms. It may or may not have also been because he was quite ready to slake his own lust with your body.

The only reason you didn't slam your face into the tub's edge or fall out was Veritas' grip on you when he grabbed both of your wrists and pulled your arms behind your back. You felt a hand slide into your hair and then he was thrusting into you hard, the slap of his hips slamming into your ass loud in the confined space of the bathroom. It was obscene the way you could even hear the wet sound of his cock going in and out of you amplified by the natural acoustics of said bathroom. "You like hearing how well you take me, slut? I certainly do. It's filthy. Fitting-"

Your hips are bruising from them being pressed onto the edge of the tub, bumping into it with almost every thrust. It hurt but fuck did it all feel so good because he was pressing against your sweet spot every time he fucked into your wet hole.

The hand pulling your head back by your hair let go only to wrap around your throat and pull you up so your back pressed against his chest. "Fuck you sound like such a whore right now. Are you my good little whore? Just for me?" Of course you couldn't answer because your mind was blank from his hand pressing just right to cut off some of that blood flow. Oh and because he had also just tilted his hand to cut off your air. He held for a bit, waiting until your vision was a bit fuzzy at the edges before letting you breathe, the feeling of the air rushing back into your lungs making you dizzy. You felt so close you could scream- And then you nearly did when he pulled out and stopped your orgasm.

His hands let go of you and you nearly keeled over, but he caught you. With an arm around your waist, you couldn't tell what he was doing behind you until you heard the slick sound of him fisting his cock. Right as he began cumming, he slammed back into you to fill you with it while biting down hard on the back of your neck. Another bite to mark you as his.

Veritas then pulled out so the last few spurts of cum would paint your labia in white, marking you inside and out with his spend.

You could feel the frustrated tears pouring down your face as you felt your burning arousal festering in your belly and the mix of embarrassment and thrill at his actions. Fuck this man would be the end of you. He unlatched from your neck to lean forward and lick the tears off your face with a hum. "You look so pretty like this..." He patted your ass before that same hand was sliding down to open you up using your pussy lips as he leaned back to watch as the cum he poured into you began to slip out.

Scooping up the cum that had dribbled out, he fingered it back in, purposefully tapping at your gspot a few times. He then pulled the white covered fingers out and petted your clit, playing with it a little before bringing it to your face. "Clean them off." Your tongue kitten licked some of it off before he was shoving them in your mouth. You gagged a little, drooling over his fingers while weakly sliding your tongue over them to clean them of the cum clinging to them.

"Good girl," he praised with a kiss to your jaw before he let out a sigh. "I'm going to sit you on my cock and finish my reading. Color?" "Green, fuck-" "That's a good pet."

Warming his cock while leaned forward to rest your arms on the lip of the tub while your head rested on those was hard. You desperately wanted to cum, but you now were willing to be obedient to get what you wanted. You weren't sure how much more punishment you could take. It didn't help that he had an arm resting on the back of your hips, slung over them as he leaned on you a bit while his other arm rested atop the other one. That hand was holding up his book. He wasn't touching you besides that and your ass resting in the cradle of his hips, cock deep inside your pussy which still fluttered around his thickness occasionally. Every time you squirmed he would spank you with a pointed look before going back to his book, ignoring you entirely. Any whining or talking would be met with the same treatment.

He checked in on you after a bit. "Color?" "...yellow." His demeanor changed immedately. Petting your side, he eased you back to lean against him once more. "What's wrong, baby?" He typically saved that endearment for intimate moments alone together and times like this where you might need reassurance. "I wanna see your face... wanna hold you." It seemed you might be a bit sensitive, now, after being punished for a while and needed that from him. "Of course, baby. Your punishment is almost over. I'll let you come soon and we can continue in the bedroom, hm?" You loved this man. "Okay." He kissed your forehead. "Good girl."

He slipped out, making you whine. It was met with a chuckle and he helped you turn around to slide into his lap again, this time facing him.

Veritas pulled you to rest against him, tucking you into his neck as he wrapped an arm around your waist. Once you both were settled in, he went back to reading. He still ignored you, but it wasn't so bad this time.

You knew he was done when he set his book on the table again.

He settled his grip on your hips before going straight into fucking up into you hard and fast, what cum was still left in you from his cock plugging it in you aiding the slide of dick in and out of you. He fucked you and played with you until you felt like you couldn't think straight. Even when he asked you questions, knowing you couldn't answer, you weren't quite sure what you said. Whether it was even coherent or not.

"Such a cute, dumb girl for me."

As you came around his cock again, you moaned as you felt the warmth of his cum in you. "Did so, so good for me. Such a good girl." Veritas gave you some time to come down from your high before asking. "Do you want to continue in the bedroom or are you finished for the night?" "...m' done." "Alright, baby." He gave you some more time before cleaning you up and draining the tub. Another kiss was pressed to your forehead, then your cheek, then your lips. "Let's go to bed, darling. I'll take care of you."

Lololol hopefully you like it. 🙏

If there’s any typos or if it doesn’t make sense somewhere… Your honor my client claims “oopsie daisy”. It’s me. The client is me, your honor-

[fuctacles]

A tale as old as time

For @subeddieweek Day 7 | M | 2696 | cw: age gap (about 25-30y difference, Eddie's age is not stated, Steve's aligns with canon) | camboy Eddie, transmasc Eddie, kinda sugar daddy Steve?, modern AU, simp Steve, virgin Eddie, chatfic, pre-anything, gray ace Eddie | Ao3 Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4 | Day 5 | Day 6 | Day 7 | Ao3

"Hawkins High '86? How old is this guy?" Eddie asks himself, his eyebrows raised. There is a letterman in front of him, a gift from one of his top subscribers. Hell, his top subscriber. His number-one fan, who was responsible for about half of his revenue.

He's opened a PO box recently, with no little amount of worry about what kind of stuff he might get. He only gave the address to his top subscribers but he knew that the ones with the most money were usually the most unhinged. He went to the post office with his heart in his throat but all he got was a set of lingerie, a toy, and the letterman he was now holding.

He tried not to think about what kind of people would pay for his content. As long as he was making money he didn't care. But now he got a piece of one of them in his hands. Staring back.

1986.

Meaning the guy must be nearing 60. Double Eddie's age. 

He tries to imagine that. An older guy, with wrinkles, maybe a beer belly, a gross old t-shirt, and his hand permanently in his sweats, beating it to his photos. 

It was gross. And in a way, alluring.

Though someone with so much money to spend on a camboy must have a well-paying job. Some rich asshole, exploiting others to do the work for him. That's a more likely scenario. He tries not to think about big, rough hands on him when he puts on the jacket and takes pics for Shar.

He edits them a bit before sending them, knowing the guy will get a kick from seeing him in his jacket. The appeal of wearing your boyfriend's letterman eluded him in high school, but being claimed like that gave him a heady feeling. The fact that the guy could be his father apparently worked for him too. 

He doesn't put his phone away fast enough and sees the message that pops up.

Shar: So hot. You look like every repressed teen jock's dream

Shar: Definitely like mine

Eddie thinks a moment about his response, channeling the persona he takes on for the camera. 

PuppetOfMasters: Would I be your dirty secret?

PuppetOfMasters: Would you fuck me in the locker room behind your girlfriend's back?

Shar: I'd make YOU my girlfriend

Shar: Wait no

Shar: NOT LIKE THAT

Shar: A girlfriend but in a manly way

Eddie snorts.

You're good, he types. I know what you mean, don't worry.

He wouldn't keep around someone who didn't respect him. Besides, he made it clear he's saving for a transition with his Only Fans.

Thank god, Shar types. I respect who you are 

Shar: In fact, I spend so much money on you because of it. 

Eddie rolls onto his other side, his mood souring. One of those trans fetishists, then. That's fine, as long as he's being respectful and paying... Even if it leaves an unpleasant taste in his mouth. 

Ah, a connoisseur! Well, I hope I'm your favorite tranny, then, he jokes. He waits for an answer, but it doesn't come for a long while, so he flips his phone screen down and turns away, hoping for sleep.

A response is waiting for him when he wakes up. 

Shar: I guess it sounded that way, but I'm not that kind of pervert. You're the only trans sex worker I follow, but not the only trans person I've sent money to.

Eddie sauntered to the bathroom, not taking his eyes off his phone. He wonders if continuing the conversation is even the right move. He's talked to one too many guys who thought sending him a dick pick was okay after ten minutes of small talk between a content creator and a fan.

But he's kind of curious. When he has money to spare, he sends some change to other trans folks to help out, because he knows how hard it is from his own experience. But why Shar, a seemingly loaded old guy, would spend his money on queers instead of, let's say, starving children?

PuppetOfMasters: So you're just an ally with cash? Or is there more to it? I'm curious.

He goes through his morning routine, washing his face, and brushing his teeth, not expecting Shar to get back to him any time soon. So he's surprised when he picks his phone back up and a response is waiting.

Shar: Long story short, I hope my father is rolling in his grave while I spend his inheritance on people he hated so much.

That's not what Eddie expected at all. 

PuppetOfMasters: So I'm a means of rebellion against your bigoted dead father? I'll take that. I hate rich assholes

Shar: Me too

They don't talk for the whole day after that, but when Eddie's done running errands and editing in the evening, he looks back at the letterman hanging on the door of his wardrobe. 

How is sending me your letterman an act of rebellion? he asks. Because he's a curious little shit. 

The response comes fast like the guy is glued to his Only Fans chat. Gross. Eddie wonders briefly if he's talking with other sex workers there.

Shar: A souvenir of his precious high school fetishized on a queer ssex worker? He'd die if he hadn't already

So it is a fetish thing! Eddie smiles triumphantly at his phone.

Shar: Okay, fine

Shar: Sticking it to my father is just a bonus for you being really hot. 

Shar: And I do love seeing you in my letterman, I've jerked off to it three times already

Shar: is that what you wanted to hear?

Eddie grins, rolling on his bed.

PuppetOfMasters: Yes 

Shar: So yeah, I'm an old man who peaked in high school, laugh it up

PuppetOfMasters: I'd rather you peaked in me

Shar: Insufferable

Shar: Menace

Shar: Yeah, I'd love that. A man can dream, right?

Eddie bites his lip. How far is too far? The guy seems genuine and after the amount of creeps that's been chatting him up, he thinks his creep radar is quite good. Tentatively, he starts typing.

PuppetOfMasters: I don't know. I think people would like seeing me get railed by an older guy

Shar: An old guy, you mean

Shar: You'd make a video with me?

PuppetOfMasters: I record most of the sex I have, yes

Shar: Huh. I've never seen one before, then

PuppetOfMasters: warm, warmer

Shar: ... There aren't any?

PuppetOfMasters: din ding ding! ya boy is a virgin

Shar: shit

Shar: fuck

Shar: that's so hot

Shar: you'd let me?

PuppetOfMasters: Would I let my best-paying subscriber be my first time on camera? Probably

Not necessarily to be released but he couldn't lose the possibility of such golden content in case it was watchable. 

Shar: I'd better keep my spot then. Just in case.

PuppetOfMasters: No worries, you seem the most trustworthy so far anyway.

But as he types it, a new notification appears. Shar sent him a hefty tip on one of his photos.

PuppetOfMasters: That's really not necessary

PuppetOfMasters: But I hope your father is kicking and screaming in his coffin

Shar: I fucking hope so

----

It takes Eddie another day to google Hawkins High's yearbook photos. He'd thought about it before but didn't want to break the bubble of anonymity between himself and his fan. But the thoughts of big hands on his hips, and beard rubbing against his neck, took root in his brain and were tainting his mind.

Not fully in tune with his body and distrustful of others, Eddie has been single for most of his life. And now his stupid horny brain was drooling at the thought of losing his virginity to a grandpa on the internet. 

Hoping it would help his thoughts calm down, he looks through the photos from the year 1986, in search of a Harrington. And he finds him.

Steve Harrington. Basketball captain and swim team co-captain. His hairdo was magnificent and his smile was self-confident. Eddie would hate him in high school. Should probably hate him now. So he expands his search further, beyond the Hawkins High memory lane.

He finds one single photo on a LinkedIn profile. 

The current Steve Harrington's hair is no less magnificent, just peppered with silver. He wears glasses now, which accentuate the line of his jaw and make his neatly trimmed facial hair pop out. He's wearing a yellow jacket and a white golf, which should be hideous but weirdly, works for him. Eddie doesn't get to see his eyes, unfortunately. The photo looks like a candid photo shoot take-out after someone told him a joke. His head is tilted down, eyes scrunched and lips pulled in a smile, as a bubbling laugh got immortalized on camera.

Eddie shouldn't be finding a sixty-year-old man this endearing. 

PuppetOfMasters: I like your LinkedIn photo

PuppetOfMasters: Well, I hope it's you. 

PuppetOfMasters: Steve, right?

He can't forget about this for the whole day, not as he budgets his income, and especially not when he records a short video jerking off in the shower. He tries not to look at his phone but it's his only one, so he does while trying to budget in a second one, just for sex work. Maybe then he wouldn't be feeling so insane about not getting a response from a stranger who is an old pervert spending loads of money on him. 

He tries to be normal when a chat notification finally pops up. 

Shar: If you saw the golf and yellow jacket photo, that's me

Shar: though please don't make me type my full name in here.

no worries, Eddie types back so fast he should be embarrassed. It's a good photo.

Shar: Thanks. My best friend took it 

PuppetOfMasters: Your friend has a good eye

Shar: I'll let her know

Shar: I'm surprised it took you this long to search me up

Eddie's surprised too. Usually, his curiosity would take over him sooner.

PuppetOfMasters: I tried not to pry. But I had to in case we were gonna meet up one day

Shar: So you were serious?

Shar: I've been wondering if you sweet-talk all your followers like that 

PuppetOfMasters: Only the ones that don't send me dick pics

Shar: I knew holding back would pay off

Eddie snorts at his phone. 

Though I might need one before we meet up, he types. Gotta know what I'm working with

Shar: Right. Of course

Shar: So how would that work?

Eddie hasn't thought about it this far.

PuppetOfMasters: I need to read about OF's policy on collabs. Never had to before, since I work solo. Would probably have to hire you, well, sign a commission/gig contract or something like that. So it's all legal and shit.

Shar, Steve, doesn't answer for a long while, and it might be the end of his devirginizing journey. Well, if the guy doesn't want to make this legal, put his name on some paperwork, then he isn't trustworthy, and that's the end of it.

It's half an hour later and Eddie's bitten all his nails off trying not to follow up with any messages and focus on anything else when an answer finally comes.

Shar: Sorry my friend was bothering me

Shar: this sounds more complicated than I anticipated. So I would be like, a co-creator, then?

PuppetOfMasters: Precisely

Shar: Holy shit okay

Shar: Thought I'd be you know, less involved

Though you could hit it and quit it, huh? Eddie scrunched his nose. What was he getting himself into? Gods.

Shar: If that's what you wanted I'd take it

Eddie shouldn't be blushing over this one. It's like he's throwing the man scraps and he's licking them up.

PuppetOfMasters: Simp

Shar: I am what I am

Shar: With that said, I'm willing to make it work. Do all the paperwork you need

PuppetOfMasters: Doing paperwork just to fuck me? so romantic

Shar: I suck at paperwork so my friend would be doing it anyway

Shar: If that's okay

PuppetOfMasters: I think it's best if someone looks it over, yeah

Eddie hesitates for a moment.

PuppetOfMasters: That friend doesn't happen to be your wife?

Fuck no, comes the immediate response

Shar: I'm perpetually single and she's as gay as they come. 

PuppetOfMasters: Good. Wouldn't want to be the other girl

Shar: If I had the chance you'd be the only one

PuppetOfMasters: Jesus.

Eddie squeezes his legs together unconsciously.

PuppetOfMasters: Stop sweet talking me, I've already agreed to fuck

Shar: But we haven't signed anything yet. Even then, I'll keep sweet-talking you. It's what you deserve. 

For the first time, Eddie thinks he might not survive their meeting. And not because of the possible killer scenario. Thankfully, Steve gets back to business talk.

Shar: How would this work, legal stuff aside? Do you script this?

PuppetOfMasters: Do I look like I script shit?

Shar: I'm not the one with Only Fans

PuppetOfMasters: Fair. I think we could just set up cameras and do whatever we feel like. Then decide together if the footage will be released or not. 

Shar: Sounds reasonable

Shar:When would you want to do this?

When?

Eddie hasn't thought that far. In fact, he felt like he hadn't been thinking for the past couple of days. 

I'm the sole god of my schedule so I'm open to anything, he types evasively.

Shar: I have some time off next month, could fly to wherever you need me

Next month seemed close. Extremely close. Or maybe it wasn't? He never worked with anyone before. Hell, he didn't even have that many friends to meet up with. 

Next month works I guess, he answers despite his nerves.

Shar: Wanna face time before we start the legal work?

His nerves escalate, making his mouth dry. He reminds himself he's done this before, he's on camera all the time. 

PuppetOfMasters: Like, right now?

Shar: Yeah?

PuppetOfMasters: Ok, give me five minutes.

Eddie shoots up, checks himself in the mirror, and finds a good angle for his phone to set up. He lowkey hopes Steve picks up with his dick in the frame so Eddie can block him with a clear conscience and forget about the whole thing. When six minutes from his last message pass, he hits 'call'.

"Hi," Eddie squeaks when the video connects. Steve Harrington's arms are in the frame, crossed on the desk, and toned where he's leaning on them.

"Hi," he greets him with a dazzling smile. 

It is the guy from the photo, so at least he's not being catfished. And he has none of the creepy simp energy Eddie feared. He's just... a guy. It's both a relief and a disappointment. 

"Well?" the guy asks.

"Well, what?" Eddie frowns. 

"Are you disappointed? Am I too old?"

Eddie looks at him properly. His hair is lighter on the sides, but not grey yet, and the video quality doesn't make any wrinkles stand out to him. Maybe some worry lines, crow's feet if he squints. He looks like he keeps in shape, too. Eddie wouldn't call him old. Mature, maybe. A DILF slowly transforming into a Silver Fox. 

"You look fine. Good. You look good. Attractive," Eddie fumbles with his words and barely stops himself from facepalming. This is why he mostly texts.

Steve smirks at him. And holy shit, a dude twice his age smirking at him shouldn't be doing things to his body.

"You sure? You're not gonna block me after we hang up, are you?"

Eddie shakes his head.

"I stand by our plans. You're passing my creep radar so far, but uh..." He scratches his cheek nervously. "I'd like to keep in touch in case, you know. A red flag pops up. I hope you get it."

Steve nods, his expression growing serious.

"Absolutely. We're strangers, after all."

"Yeah." Eddie nods, relieved. It would give him ample time and opportunities to back out.

On the screen, Steve leans more on his arms, closer to the camera. 

"So I think dick assessment is next on the checklist?"

Eddie might not even survive video calls with this guy, after all. 

[greynatomy]

take me or leave me

leah williamson x reader

obsessed with this song. my musical era is back.

anyone here watched rent? if you want a visual of how reader kinda acts while performing, click this link.

masterpost

———

You met Leah when she attended an awards show two years ago. You’d sat at the same table and got to talking. She asked for your number and the two of you would be texting and calling all the time.

Eventually, she asked you on a date, taking you to dinner at a secluded section in the restaurant. That night was a night that you could never forget. She let you talk about your career and passions while you did the same for her.

You were from two different worlds, being well known in your own ways, but understand each other, for the most part.

Two years in, and your relationship still strong. You did have some arguments here and there, that’s normal, but what you learned over the years was how jealous she could get. It was amazing to have someone love you so much that they don’t want anyone coming in between that, but sometimes her jealousy becomes too much, like today.

You invited her and some of her friends to a night out with some of your friends. Your two worlds colliding once more.

Being in a relationship with you, she knew how many people ‘desired’ you. You’ve been a public figure since you were a teen. You’ve had costars who’ve tried to date you, others who openly flirt with you and always reassure Leah that she’s the only one you want. She knows that. Doesn’t mean she has to like the way men and women throw themselves at you.

Today was another one of those days, except this time her jealousy seemed to have amplified. Your friends traveled all the way to London to visit you, Leah inviting some of her Arsenal teammates, meeting at a little karaoke club.

Just an hour of being here, Leah’s mood sours. She keeps seeing people coming up to you, some were fans and some who ‘wanted to get to know you’ and not in a friendly matter. It came to a point where she started to ignore you, staying by her friends.

You’ve had enough of it, so you thought of a way to grab her attention. You grabbed your friend Alex and walked up to the person in charge of the karaoke performances. Leaning down to his ear, you whisper your song choice, he gives you a smile and a thumbs up.

“Alright, alright!” He announces on the microphone getting everyone’s attention. “We’ve got some broadway royalty with us today! Here to perform a classic from hit musical Rent, Y/N Y/LN and Alexis Thomas.

That got Leah’s attention. She directs her eyes towards the stage where you and Alex stood, microphones in hand. Leah or her friends didn’t know this musical, none of them have ever been into broadway musicals so they didn’t know what to expect. You knew this would get her more jealous, but this is what she gets for ignoring you.

Every single day I walk down the street I hear people say "Baby" so sweet

Ever since puberty Everybody stares at me Boys, girls I can't help it, baby

You look to where Leah sat, shrugging your shoulders.

So be kind And don't lose your mind Just remember That I'm your baby

You point a finger towards her.

Take me for what I am Who I was meant to be And if you give a damn Take me baby or leave me Take me baby or leave me

You take your coat off, revealing an outfit that shows more skin than Leah would like. You walk over to where she sat, draping the coat over her shoulders.

A tiger in a cage Can never see the sun This diva needs her stage Baby, let's have fun!

You walk around to your girlfriend, pulling her chair back and sit sideways in her lap, arm draped over her shoulder.

You are the one I choose Folks would kill to fill your shoes You love the limelight too now, baby

You take the strap of your top, slowly dropping it from your shoulder, teasing her.

So be mine But don't waste my time Cryin', "Oh honeybear Are you still my, my, my baby?"

Leah’s arms wrap around your waist, pulling you closer.

Take me for what I am Who I was meant to be And if you give a damn Take me baby or leave me

You turn in her lap, now straddling her, the hand not holding the microphone grabs the back of her neck, yanking her face to yours, nose barely grazing.

No way, can I be what I'm not But hey, don't you want your girl hot? Don't fight, don't lose your head 'Cause every night, who's in your bed?

She tries to hold onto you as you climb out of her lap. You place a hand on her chest, pushing her back and give her a flying kiss, walking back to the stage.

Who, who's in your bed? Kiss, pookie

Alex starts her part. You’ve both sang this song together so many times that the routine is muscle memory.

It won't work, I look before I leap I love margins and discipline I make lists in my sleep Baby, what's my sin?

Never quit, I follow through I hate mess, but I love you What to do with my impromptu baby?

She starts stalking towards you as you back up, running a finger up your arm. She grabs at your face softly, bringing your face close to hers.

So be wise 'Cause this girl satisfies You've got a prize, so don't compromise You're one lucky baby

Leah squirms in her seat, not liking how you and your friend are touchy, steam practically blowing out of her ears. Her friends start to tease her, jealousy easily seen in her face.

As the songs finishes, Leah is quick off her seat, rushing towards you. She grabs your wrist, pulling you towards what you assume the restroom. You turn your head towards your friends and Leah’s teammates, giving them a wink.

Shutting the bathroom door, she pushes you against it, leaning down so you’re face to face.

“What was that?”

“What was what?” You ask innocently.

“That’s little show you did there?”

“Oh, that.” You extend the ‘a’. “That’s just a little something me and Alex love to perform.”

“Was all the touching really necessary?”

“Yes.”

She looked at you shocked. “What d’you mean ‘yes.’”

“The only way I thought to get your attention after ignoring me all night.”

“People were all over you!”

“And what did the song say? Something like ‘Take me baby or leave me.’”

You give her a quick, but passionate kiss, pushing her away. Making sure to fix yourself it the mirror, you give her a wink, leaving a stunned Leah in the restroom.

[cloudmancy]

I have no desire to get you in trouble but I would be curious to hear your thoughts on the new episode and the preview because I also have.. thoughts and I'm interested in what other people clocked as not great or kinda.. idk. other people's concerns, because I have had a lot of them and I never see people really talk about those things

they're doing a new format this season where they film a bunch of rp episodes in a row then take a break when there's a battle so the crew can get the battleset ready, so I understand the dissonance. but the tone of this episode from the tone of last episode was SO jarring. I was ready to chew drywall at the end of episode 17 but we head into the episode 18 fight and at the end all I can say is... damn! that sure is a battle that happened. the entire fight felt really low-stakes even though objectively a few of the bad kids were in mortal danger, but the mood at the table was so relaxed and chill and there was almost no roleplay at all... which drove me so crazy

>no rp except for fun silly party stuff (no callbacks to the adaine elven oracle in a storm thing? after all the fun setup last time??)

>fought 8 different antagonists and none of them said a word

>nobody questioned why or what oisin's grandma or all those dragon were doing there they just started taking them out one by one like raid battles in world of warcraft

>cassandra/nightmare king showed up only to not make any impact or get a single word in

>dos2 lady vengeance fight did the floating boat/ballistas/dragon fight better SMH

and then after all of that we're headed straight into ANOTHER battle episode judging by the preview... and it's against the rat grinders and porter/jace! let me out I want PLOT & DIALOGUE fhjy cannot end like this (5 hours straight of battle where they just kill everyone that moves). there's 2 eps left so I really hope they do the last ep as a 4 hour long roleplay only epilogue episode because as we've all seen ending campaigns on a battle leads to frankly really rushed character and world decisions. it's ultra disappointing too because I loved this entire season so much so far. the setup and buildup and plot points and mystery of fhjy is the best they've ever done it in dimension 20 period

ep 18 fhjy battle was a letdown to me... not giving the party an rp episode after 3 hours of loredump + going straight into a final battle without being able to interact with the world after gaining info is bad. they should've had a chance to process everything they learned about house sunstone, porter's plan, the rat grinders being used as ascension fodder, whatever the whole deal behind ambrosia and lucy frostkettle and why they needed a helios cleric in buddy IN ROLEPLAY. I don't want all this stuff explained to me after the battle by brennan or in some throwaway lines in the adventuring party - I want the bad kids to talk to people! I want them to investigate! I want fig to pull some BS with porter knowing the full extent of all his plans. it really sucks for us as an audience too to be hit with all this lore and get approximately 0 time for it to sink into the implications of how the worldbuilding was shaped by it or realizations of "ohhh that's why that happened at the beginning of the season" before we go straight into killing everyone.

with the way this is going I don't have any confidence they're gonna be able to actually empathize at all with the rat grinders too before they start lopping heads off because in battle episodes everyone kind of just. becomes numbers and an objective to take out except for pet favourite npcs of the cast. and they've mostly been interacting with the rat grinders as nuisances all season 😭 I'm PRAYING to be proven wrong and the last 2 episodes of this are fantastic but it's not looking good folks

[vendetta-if]

Hello!

Just wanted to say the IF is amazing, i just spent 3 days straight binging it and loved every second. Please ignore if it has already been asked but what is all the RO's preferred genre of music? And favourite songs if they have any?

Keep up the amazing work!

Thank you for the kind words! And I just wanna say, your ask is the final push for me to actually scour through most of my songs on Spotify and finish assembling playlists for Rin, Santana, Skylar, and Jackal 😆 But I had so much fun doing so and I'll keep adding more and updating all of the characters' playlists as I discovered more new (and old lost) songs that fit them.

I have the links to their spotify playlist which contain a mix of their favorite songs and some songs whose lyrics fit them. I don't think I can link too much stuff in one post unfortunately, so I'll make a separate post to announce the rest of the characters playlists later on 😁But I'll try to link one song that either perfectly encapsulate their music taste or whose lyrics fit the character--or at least a song that they'd enjoy listening to.

Also, I basically have to split up my own music taste and favorite genres among all of my characters and I'm running out of genres 😭 But as for your question, I don't think I've answered something like that before--at least not in detail.

Sorry in advance for the long post (I just love being able to gush about my characters and music 🤭)

Ash

Ash enjoys quite a wide variety of genres, but mostly, their go-to are genres that are more energetic and/or aggressive. So, think like Rock, Phonk, Dubstep, Trap, Drum and Bass, Metal, that kind of stuff. But usually, they listen to songs whose vibes and/or lyrics kind of fit the mood they're in at the moment.

Also, fun fact, they did have some kind of an emo phase during their angsty and edgy teenage years 😂 It wasn't really too apparent (like no, they didn't have that typical emo hairstyle or wore those iconic eyeliners), but they just relate to quite a number of the lyrics of songs that can be considered to be emo anthems.

The song that fits the genre they like to listen to and the lyrics also matched their feelings and obsession love for MC is "So Sick" by Johnny Goth.

"So Sick" - Johnny Goth

Rin

As the child of a classically-trained musician, Rin mostly enjoys classical and instrumental music. One of their favorite instruments is the piano and they used to enjoy learning to play it. Maybe in the future, when they won't be so busy anymore, they can pick up their piano lessen again...

Also, they tend to gravitate towards more soothing and calming songs in general because of the headaches they usually got after using their power too much or to see to far into the future. So most of their playlist is filled with instrumental songs, either piano, cello, or violin, or a combination of those.

As for the song that fits them, I'd say "The Belt of Faith" by Jung Jaeil kinda fits their vibe and the gravitas they carry (Yes, the main soundtrack for the film "Parasite" and yeah, I can see the irony 😂 )

"The Belt of Faith" - Jung Jaeil

Santana

Santana loves that tinge of old-school songs that they were often exposed to whenever their parents listen to in the radio. So, the genres they enjoy are synthwave and retrowave songs 😎

As for the song that encapsulates their favorite genre and whose lyrics fit them quite well is "Gloria" by The Midnight.

"Gloria" - The Midnight

Skylar

Skylar is a pretty chill and upbeat person who loves and enjoys nature, so their favorite genres include those upbeat summer music and Indie/Alternative Folk music. They also enjoy the occasional pop songs.

As for the song that fits their vibe and desire to just fly off and be free is "Get Away" by Surfclub.

"Get Away" - Surfclub

BONUS

Luka

Luka enjoys Electronic music, including Phonk, Post-Punk, and Alternative/Indie. So, yeah, quite a variety of genres. But for one song that fits him the most, from the lyrics to even the title itself is "Everything Black" by Unlike Pluto 😆

"Everything Black" - Unlike Pluto (feat. Mike Taylor)

Jackal

Just like Luka, he also enjoys Electronic music, especially Phonk. But unlike Luka, he sometimes loves Hip-Hop music as well. One of the few songs that kinda encapsulate both of those genres and fits with his personality is "Heartless" by UNAVERAGE GANG.

"Heartless" - UNAVERAGE GANG

[shiny-jr]

Congratulations on 5000 followers, that's such an amazing milestone <33

For your event, if you don't mind, could I please ask for the prompt HOLLOW - "Without you, I am nothing. I am empty" with Malleus Draconia

�� Warning: Yes, this is a yandere thing. Gender-neutral reader.

– Prompt: Hollow. "Without you, I am nothing. I am empty."

– Character: Malleus Draconia.

– Note: First prompt! I originally didn't plan for it to be this long, but I kinda got carried away when writing. Oh well, it is what it is. Thanks though! Here's your large order of dragon fae content.

In a way, it was pathetic. He was the fae prince, heir to the throne of the valley and named on the list as one of the top magicians in the world without even trying. People fell to their knees in either fear or reverence in front of him, the mere mention of his name was enough to make the ordinary folk tremble, he had enough power to summon destructive storms unconsciously with just his mood. The list of his strengths was as long as the years he lived, he surpassed everyone not only in skills and power but also in age. As a fae, he would live much longer than the majority human population could even imagine.

Despite all this, despite his status, his might, his intelligence, and the abundance of wealth he had, he was alone. Those he did have were far and few inbetween, just enough to count on one hand. On his thumb, his grandmother, the queen; on his pointer finger, Lilia, his caretaker and oldest retainer. Those two were with him since the beginning, for the first hundred years of his life. The rest were only recent additions. On his middle finger and index finger were his newest retainers in training: Lilia’s adopted human son, Silver, and the son of a long time fae lineage loyal to the Draconia family, Sebek. Finally, on his pinky, was the newest addition, a human he met only months ago. Yet months were like a blink of the eye to him, human lives were like flames on a candle, burning brightly and flickering out abruptly and in the next instant. This human must’ve had the brightest candle of all with the most captivating warmth and light, because he was always lured toward them, just like a month to a flame. The reason he thought it pathetic, was because someone like him was reduced to nothing by a mere human. It was much like the most fearsome and mightiest of dragons submitting to the smallest mouse.

And yet, no matter whether he continued to believe it to be pathetic, or he didn’t care, or he actually enjoyed it, there was one fact constantly lingering in the back of his mind: mortality. Fae would always outlive humans, he’s outlived more humans than he could count. And it scared him. When his dear human friend’s candle finally extinguishes one day, what then? Just the thought causes him to lose his composure. He refuses to go back to being alone, back to a life of darkness and despair. Just one taste of the light was enough to make him never want to return to how things used to be, and he would long for that light from them for as long as he lived. Still, the fact remained, what would he do when the flame is at risk of being extinguished? He wasn’t sure if he could handle the grief when that day would eventually come, because the truth was: Malleus depended on his human. This human he held close to his heart was his world, his treasure, and without them he was nothing. He was empty. Would he snap and destroy everything in his vicinity, reducing it all to rubble and ash? Would he isolate himself once more and spend his every waking hours searching for that familiar warmth and light? When he did dream and succumb to the cold darkness, he was sure that his dear human would haunt his dreams too. Now during his lifetime, he had heard of theories and stories of reincarnation. If this held true, he could search for his dear human and reunite with them, but he was certain that even the short time separated with only grief and desperation left would drive him insane. 

[wen-kexing-apologist]

A Pause for Reflection: Part 2- Only Friends, Racism, and the Commodification of Queer Asians

Hello! It is me, your friendly neighborhood wen-kexing-apologist. Before Only Friends aired, knowing how sex heavy this show was setting up to be, I decided it might be kinda funny if instead of posting my initial reactions to the episodes, which I knew were going to be something akin to an incomprehensible key smash, if I instead committed to a bit where I wrote very dry, academic essays on sex and sex imperatives in Only Friends.

Well, I wrote an essay on Boston, his cruising habits, and my speculations around him being an embodiment of older queer culture expecting like…three people maybe to make it through legitimately 13 written pages with block text citations. But it did surprisingly well, and so now I have decided to full send. 

In my first Taking Pause post, I wrote about respectable promiscuity and the way I felt that concept impacted perceptions of queer people and queer culture, especially as it relates to engagement with Only Friends. This time, I want to dampen the mood a bit further, and discuss racism and its impact on perceptions of queer Asian characters in the BL industry. This was spurred by Only Friends and especially inspired by the posts I have seen going around that project false purity on flawed characters, but will cover Asian BL engagement more broadly as well.  

Disclaimer: I am a white Westerner, addressing this post primarily to white Westerners, and using Western sources. 

The Commodification of Queer Asian Men

Racism is a complex subject, and while people of color are not absolved of white supremacy mindsets through colorism, this invitation for conversation is mostly geared towards my fellow white Westerners. Racism is persistent, pervasive, and insidious in part because we do not always know when and how our own personal biases and learned racism impacts how we interact with the world, or in this case media. 

With the increasing mainstream acceptance of gays and lesbians, and the increasing visibility of LGBT folks more generally, gay space and straight space, gay sociality and straight sociality, are increasingly blended (Dean, 2014). The commodification of gayness is only one example of this. (Ahlm, 2017)

We are frequently spoiled by BL because of how much exposure to queer people in stories we are allowed to see. These stories are not primarily or inherently made for queer people, but what this massive index of gay shows gives the general public is large amounts of exposure to the concept of gay people (about queers), and growing popularity allows for a rapid commodification of queer Asian experience.  

I want to take a second to show the definitions of commodification, so anyone reading this is aware of what lenses I am working from.

Commodification:  to turn (something, such as an intrinsic value or a work of art) into a commodity (Miriam-Webster) 

Commodity: 

an economic good: such as…c. a mass-produced unspecialized product

a. something useful or valued; b. convenience, advantage

a good or service whose wide availability typically leads to smaller profit margins and diminishes the importance of factors (such as brand name) other than price

one that is subject to ready exchange or exploitation within a market (Miriam-Webster) 

Personally, I think it is reasonable to argue that BL and BL branded pairs are exploited by and are an exploitation of the market. We have seen the number of in-universe ads in our standard Thai BLs, the number of BLs being created every year is increasing with the understanding that these shows can be profitable, sell products, sell concert tickets, sell out theaters, make money on fan events, etc.. I think many of us have begun to love when Oishi Green Tea, Nivea Micellar Water, or Canon printers show up in our BLs, but it cannot be denied or ignored that those are commercials for products being sold to us through the images of queer characters and within queer stories. Meaning, the queer stories we are able to interact with en masse are there to sell us a product as well as a story. 

How does this relate to racism? By making queer characters of color sell products within the stories they exist in, we establish a relationship to queer characters of color that extends the commodification of queer men of color themselves beyond what already exists by nature of racism and white supremacy within queer spaces: 

It’s almost as if no gay men of color exist outside of fantasy cruises to Jamaica, Puerto Rico, or the ‘Orient’. And even then, they exist only to fulfill the sexual fantasies of gay white men. ‘Exotic’ vacations to far away places are marketed to rich white men and [low income] colored bodies are only another consumable product easily purchased with western dollars. As such, gay men of color, whether found within western borders or conveniently waiting for white arrival in the far off corners of the globe, are nothing more than commodities for consumption. (Chong-suk Han, 2007)

How many shows have we gotten out of GMMTV in recent years that are absent, or near-absent of in-universe ads? Three? The Eclipse, The Warp Effect, and Only Friends? What themes are at the center of these shows that may make them distasteful to corporations trying to sell their products? 

Now, I entered the BL scene after The Eclipse aired, so I don’t know what its reception was like at the time. But I am pretty certain it was a popular show. Yet, I have personally witnessed the adverse and negative reactions to, especially Ayan, when Our Skyy 2 x The Eclipse aired and we saw Ayan keeping a secret that was hurting Akk’s feelings. I saw the sheer amount of posts coming out of tumblr about how Akk and Ayan were characterized so wrong in this show. And, I am trying to be polite here, but there were just grossly misrepresentative takes on tumblr about the characters we got on screen in OS2, who were extremely in character based on the source material, and not the idea of the characters we have built up in our heads as the lines between Ayan and Khaotung or Akk and First blurred over time. 

The Warp Effect is a show I have constantly been asking people to watch as Only Friends approached and continue to market as required viewing while we are still in the early stages of Only Friends, but it was not widely watched as far as I could tell from the activity on my own tumblr feed and from the number of people I saw reblogging my Case for Watching TWE post who said they had yet to see it. And I get it, it was marketed more as a heterosexual show rather than a BL, but I will go down swinging to defend my position on that show as The Queerest Show of 2023 (so far). 

I think about all the ways people on tumblr have re-written certain characters in their minds to be purer, less morally dubious, more babygirl in order for them to justify loving and supporting a character that is either objectively a terrible person or who has made any number of mistakes that have gotten themselves or others hurt. Listen, my most beloved gay boys are Wen Kexing and Akk but I will be the first to tell you both those men are war criminals. That is not a joke. I love Akk to death as a character, and he let a car roll into a crowd of protestors.

Which is to say, that I am personally made to feel very uncomfortable when I see people twisting the realities of who queer Asian characters are in order to create a false, more pure and innocent version of who they want queer Asian characters to be. Why? Because it treats queer Asian male characters like dolls, like objects to manipulate and control, rather than as the people they are written and intended to be, and the fanservice that is expected of the actors that portray them is not much different: 

At the same time that they are invisible, gay Asian men are also seen as being exotic, submissive fantasies for white men. However, being seen as exotic and submissive is yet another form of subtle racism where gay Asian men are not seen as individuals but as a consumable product for white male fantasy (Ayres, 1999). (Chong-suk Han, 2007)

And yeah, I know some of you may try to deflect this by saying or thinking “wka this quote is about white men and thus does not apply to me” it does. It does apply.

On the Subject of Fan Service 

These production companies make a lot of money off of selling the fanbase the idea that these actors are romantically involved outside of their acting careers. GMMTV and Idolfactory are perhaps the most committed studios to fanservice that I have seen, often to the detriment of the health and safety of their talent and potentially their own financial interests. He’s Coming to Me was delayed, and had it’s distribution fucked with because fans protested Singto being separated from Krist and paired up with Ohm for one show. Freen was recorded and blackmailed with a video that showed she was in a romantic relationship with Seng. Articles were published making it seem like it was a truly wild concept that Man Trisanu and Ben Bunyapol were acting to create the chemistry they get on screen. These companies know they can make money off of the fictions they create, both the ones we see as television shows, and the ones we see in fan meet ups. These people are actors, some may date, some may not, some may be really good friends, some may hate each other’s guts, but the fact of the matter is we will never know for sure. Everything we see on camera is a performance. 

How Objectification of Queer Asian Men Relates to Only Friends

I mean…

I don’t know about you all, but I have seen post after post of people projecting images of purity and perfection on to Mew, twisting themselves forward and backward to justify a character’s objectively terrible decisions, or finding scapegoats to blame for their blorbo’s actions. I have seen people truly, legitimately struggle with seeing their favorite acting pair engaging in intimate scenes with different scene partners. And, to me it reads like some audience members are physically unable to separate the actor from their character, or to accurately identify reality from fiction. These are actors, they are playing characters, we know how good of actors they are. We are all aware of how much of a chameleon First is with his roles, how powerful Khao is at portraying grief on screen, how expressive Book is, etc. 

Force and Book are not fucking, Book is not stringing Force along, Force is not fucking Neo and potentially breaking Book’s heart. Top and Mew are fucking (or will). Mew is stringing Top along. Top is fucking Boston and potentially breaking Mew’s heart. Khaotung is not ditching First to go rescue Book, First is not trying and failing to maintain boundaries with Khaotung. Ray is ditching Sand to go rescue Mew, Sand is trying and failing to maintain boundaries with Ray. 

Harkening back to fanservice. Personally, I believe that only ever marketing “love pairs” (aka Force and Book’s characters as a romantic couple or First and Khao’s characters as a romantic couple on screen) severely severely limits the acting potential for any and all of the performers involved in those couplings. Can you imagine what Only Friends would be like with Neo and Louis, rather than Neo and Mark? Louis is great, but I’m not sure that he could do pining simp, or angry revenge the same way Mark can. You can see how good of a match up Fluke Pusit was with Thor in The Warp Effect and you can see how good Fluke Pusit was with Ohm Thipakorn in A Boss and a Babe. 

As I mentioned in Part One, Jojo has said there is going to be sex in every episode. We know these boys have already hurt each other and will continue to hurt each other. We know these boys have already slept around and will continue to do so. There is no need to vilify a character for being a flawed human being. There is absolutely no need to vilify an actor for portraying a character who is a flawed human being. We don’t need to uplift the characters that are withholding their sexuality from others as inherently good, moral, victims of the inherently bad, immoral, predators ruining their lives with their high sex drives. 

…popular culture is permeated with ideas that erotic variety is dangerous, unhealthy, depraved, and a menace to everything from small children to national security. Popular sexual ideology is a noxious stew made up of ideas of sexual sin, concepts of psychological inferiority… and xenophobia. The mass media nourish these attitudes with relentless propaganda…

All these hierarchies of sexual value- religious, psychiatric, and popular- function in much the same way as do ideological systems of racism, ethnocentrism, and religious chauvinism. They rationalize the well-being of the sexually privileged and the adversity of the sexual rabble…this kind of sexual morality has more in common with ideologies of racism than with true ethics. (Rubin, 1984)

I am begging people who are having difficulty seeing their favorite actor be shitty on screen to take a pause, take a breath, remember that they are actors, playing a fictional character in a fictional role. Fictional characters performing fictional actions has not, does not, and will not ever be a true and definitive indicator of that actor’s own personality, morals, or beliefs. Boston being an asshole does not mean Neo is an asshole. Ray being an asshole does not mean that Khao is an asshole just as Gaipa being kind does not mean that Khao is kind. Jojo and co are not monsters for creating a manipulative character(s), or including physical fist fights, drug use, promiscuity, cheating, sexual assault, abortion, kink, fatshaming etc. etc in to their works. You are not a bad person for liking imperfect characters who engage in bad actions, and you don’t need to create scenarios that place blame for those actions on others in order to justify liking a character.  Everyone on that set appeared to have a great time, and Jojo stated very clearly that all scenes were run by the actors in those scenes and anything the actors were not comfortable with being shown to a broader audience were immediately deleted. The actors were granted agency and autonomy that is not usually seen and we are seeing the performance they want to share with us, the performance they liked. That does not mean they themselves approve outside of fiction of the behaviors their characters may portray. 

Conclusion

We all need to, but white Westerners especially, be extremely careful and introspective with the ways we are engaging with queer Asian media. We need to be careful and introspective with the ways we are engaging with queer Asian characters. Asian BLs, Thai BLs especially lean heavily in to the commodification of queer Asian stories and characters. GMMTV sells products, and uses their talent as the salespeople, which I personally believe makes their talent, and the characters in their stories far more susceptible to objectification than, say, Japanese BLs that do not distribute their work as easily, or cater as readily to international audiences. 

As @bengiyo said in his post, it is totally totally fine if you do not like something. Only Friends could not be your style, there could be themes that are triggering for you, etc. that’s fine. But if you are refusing to engage with this Only Friends because Force as Top acted like he was fucking Neo as Boston, or squirming about whether or not you can watch other shows these actors are in going forward because their performances as dumb, horny college students in Only Friends made you question the actor’s morality, then I truly, deeply, and fully beg you to pause, take a step back, and reflect upon what it is about witnessing these behaviors that is causing your reaction. 

I want to end with the following quote: 

Thus, white men can choose when they want to be objectified, but men of color are simply objects. As discussed above, existing only as props for white male consumption represents another subtle form of racism. As Tony Ayres notes: First, there is overt belligerence…The second response is the exact opposite of this racist antagonism. It is an attraction to me because of my Asianness, my otherness ... This has nothing to do with my individual qualities as a person ... It is the fact that I conveniently fit into someone else’s fantasy (1999, p. 89) (Chong-suk Han, 2007)

As a reminder that we as fans, need to take a step back and consider if, when, and how we are objectifying queer Asian men. We are seeing a huge period of growth in the Asian BL industry, which means we are very likely to get more shows where we are going to see more stories like Only Friends that center realistic depictions of gay Asians as written and directed by gay Asians. And we have to check our privilege, homophobia, and racism at the door.

Sources

Ahlm, Jody (2017) Respectable promiscuity: Digital cruising in an era of queer liberalism, Sexualities, DOI: 10.1177/1363460716665783

Chong-suk Han (2007) They Don't Want To Cruise Your Type: Gay

Men of Color and the Racial Politics of Exclusion, Social Identities, 13:1, 51-67, DOI:

10.1080/13504630601163379 Rubin, Gayle (1984) The Thinking Sex: Notes for a Radical Theory of the Politics of Sexuality- Chapter 9: The Sex Wars.

(thank you to @bengiyo, @lurkingshan, @neuroticbookworm, @so-much-yet-to-learn, and @waitmyturtles for your beta readings!)

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

01/28/2024 Daily Crew Recap

TLDR; Hoist The Ads Charity Donations; Campaign Status Updates; Hunt For the Pirate Home Watch Party; General Morale; Past Renewal Campaign Comparisons; Cast & Crew Sightings; Upcoming Events: Pets for Pirates Jan 29; Love Notes; Daily Darby / Tonight's Taika

=Hoist The Ads Updates =

Looks like the voting is done, and the results are in! @gingerlyvibing was kind enough to break down how much is going where. Just a reminder-- you all made this happen! Everything over the $10K it cost to get the billboard is going to help out these awesome charities! Links to threads: Tumblr / Twitter

Funnily enough, apparently one of the trucks still has the ads on it

== How To Help ==

How To Help Save OFMD Task List - US

How to Help Save OFMD Task List - Outside US

I'm helping some folks over on FB get similar/ the same updates right now, if anyone would like to help give me feedback I'd appreciate it, please just PM me! I have a couple ideas and I want to run them by folks.

== Status Updates ==

Good news! Wb is still having trouble recovering, as it should. Thanks @btweenhisteeth on twitter

==Petition Status==

Over 82K -- going slow, but still ticking up! Takes time all, especially since we're focused on the networks right now. Don't give up!

== Hunt For The Pirate Home Watch Party ==

Had some great turn out all over the world today for the Hunt For the Wilder People watch party. Thank you again to @dandeebakes for getting those coordinated!

Saw some great trends during it, and a lot of people having fun. If you haven't actually seen the movie, I highly recommend it, it's incredibly good!

==General Morale==

So despite things being fairly quiet today, the general vibe from folks has been that we're just in a holding pattern and we're just gonna keep clowning and polite menacing until we hear more word.

== Other Cancelled Series Comparisons ==

Something cool that I saw more of today was several groups doing comparisons with other cancelled TV Shows. Thank you to @OFMDCrew for these stats on twitter.

After they were posted, I did hear conflicting feelings on these (some felt it helped raise their mood, some felt it made it worse). So I wanted to point out a few things:

1. We've done a hell of a lot in 3 weeks (and signatures were our priority for most of the first two weeks, but once David Jenkins lit the beacon 8 days ago, we changed our focus). 2. We had a leadership change mid-all of this with Renew As A Crew. 3. Oh and there's other stuff in the world going on (Palestine) 4. As @saltpepperbeard says in their post "David only posted his "call to arms" just a little over a week ago. Eight days ago." So much has changed and we've STILL accomplished so much in that time too.

We are kicking ass, we really are, I promise you!

Across Twitter / IG / and Tumblr, several people have mentioned they feel like something's "in the air". That's totally a second hand "I have a feeling" thing but as you probably remember, quite a few of us had that as a bad feeling the morning before the show got cancelled. Now, if you're not into that kinda thing-- I would like to mention, that could just be because this crew is so fucking awesome, and that's why the vibe is so good-- because we're leaning on each other and take care of each other. Also when lovely people like @saltpepperbeard (as referenced above) write lovely responses to asks that can always help too. This post made ME feel better, I recommend giving it a read for a little perspective :)

= Cast & Crew Sightings =

1. The weekend is still pretty scarce as usual. Our pirate queen Ruibo Qian has been enjoying a lot of everyone's artwork lately. 2. Nathan Foad announced his con dates 3. Renewal Campaign Related: mostly seeing updates again from our boi Erroll Shand supporting the campaign.

== Pets For Pirates ==

Tomorrow, Jan 29, there will be a Pets for Pirates Even! Share your Pet pictures and use the hashtags:

#PetsForPirates

#AdoptOurCrew

#SaveOFMD

==Love Notes==

I know, I know "Jeez Abby, Shut Up We Already Know How Awesome We Are" Well good! Cause you should! But that won't stop me from saying so again! I'm serious when I say the vibe is so good right now in general because we have such a great crew. You all take such good care of each other and it shows every single day. You helped raise an extra $11,578 that are now going to charities that are going to help so many families, and kids, and that's just from the extra stuff from the Hoist The Ads Campaign -- not including everything else going on. I'm going to include a picture from one of my favorite people @thelatestkate because she does awesome work, and this one applies significantly to all of you. <3

Daily Darby/Tonights Taika

Tonights gifs are brought you by the wonderful @celluloidbroomcloset's Posts: Rhys / Taika

I'm literally watching Green Lanturn this moment because I needed to remember this youngin Taika, so thank you / no thank you for that, but hey I've watched worse for Rhys so I guess I can't complain.

Goodnight Lovelies <3

[doumadono]

🆘 Emergency Request 🆘

Hey there, my love. New Year's Eve was decent - I cleaned up, had a quiet dinner alone, and caught the fireworks later. But, truth be told, I'm feeling kinda down. Celebrating solo hit differently, you know? Out on the street, surrounded by all those happy folks with their friends and loved ones, that pang of envy crept in.. Mind if I ask for a scenario where Dabi encounters a girl on New Year's Eve? He hears her quiet crying, initially scoffs, but ends up standing nearby, leaning against a tree, smoking a cigarette, just watching her. Eventually, he approaches, and their conversation turns her mood around. All this courtesy of a seemingly scary stranger

New Year's Eve - Dabi x Reader

A/N: Ru! I'm sorry to hear that your New Year's Eve wasn't as uplifting as it could have been. It's completely understandable how celebrating alone amidst the joyous crowds can bring about a sense of longing. In those moments, the stark contrast can be tough to bear. If you feel like sharing more about it or just want to talk, I'm here. Wishing you a brighter and happier start to the new year ahead ♥

EMERGENCY REQS MASTERLIST

The chilly night air hung heavy with a sense of loneliness as Dabi wandered through the dimly lit streets on New Year's Eve. He observed the distant bursts of fireworks, a stark reminder of the festivities he chose to distance himself from. A smirk played on his lips as he inhaled deeply from his cigarette, the ember casting an ominous glow on his scarred face.

As he rounded a corner, the soft sound of someone crying caught his attention. In the shadows, he spotted a girl, huddled against the cold, her silent tears betraying a deeper sadness. Leaning against a tree nearby, Dabi couldn't resist watching her, the smoke from his cigarette swirling lazily in the air.

A girl was standing almost in the middle of the street, watching the distant fireworks, her tears rolling down her cheeks glistening like dewdrops in the colorful lights of fireworks.

Dabi scoffed, a cynical smirk playing on his lips, dismissing the vulnerability he witnessed. "Really? Crying alone on New Year's?" he muttered to himself, taking a drag from his cigarette. His turquoise eyes observed her, initially with indifference.

Dabi's initial scoffs gave way to a more contemplative demeanor as he recognized a familiar ache in her despair, a reflection of the isolation he often embraced.

Finally, he crushed the cigarette beneath his heavy boot, taking a few steps closer. "Shouldn't you be off somewhere, celebrating with your friends or boyfriend?" he mocked, the edges of his voice tinged with bitterness.

The girl looked up, startled by the sudden intrusion. Her eyes met Dabi's, and for a moment, an uneasy tension lingered between them. "Who asked for your opinion?" she retorted, quickly wiping a tear away with a mixture of defiance and vulnerability in her gaze.

Dabi smirked, unfazed by her response. "No one. Guess I've got a soft spot for loners tonight. It's not every day you find someone as miserable as you on New Year's Eve."

She eyed him warily, unsure of his intentions. "What do you want?"

Dabi shrugged, the edges of his scars catching the dim light of a street lamp. "Nothing." He leaned back against the lamp.

The girl took a cautious step back as the dim light revealed the true extent of the scars that marred Dabi's face. Disgust flickered across her features, her breath catching at the sight of the grotesque combination of destroyed and healthy skin connected by thick metal staples. The shadows cast by the nearby buildings seemed to accentuate the eerie nature of his appearance. She had an uncanny feeling that she had seen him before, a nagging sense of recognition that danced on the periphery of her memory, just beyond her ability to pinpoint its origin. "What… what happened to your face?" the girl stammered, her voice barely above a whisper, a mixture of shock and terror in her eyes.

Dabi noticed her recoil and the apprehension etched on her face. His smirk faded into a solemn expression, acknowledging the impact of his appearance. "Life happened," he replied, his voice carrying the weight of years filled with pain and suffering. The metal staples glinted ominously as he tilted his head.

The young woman struggled to maintain eye contact, torn between the fear inspired by his appearance and the strange kindness he was offering her.

Despite the initial shock, Dabi's gaze softened as he met her eyes. "I ain't gonna bite. You can come closer, dollface."

The girl, still visibly shaken, nodded hesitantly.

"So, what's your story?" Dabi asked, his tone no longer laced with mockery but genuine curiosity.

The girl hesitated, uncertainty flickering in her eyes. "Why do you care?"

Dabi shrugged, a nonchalant gesture masking the complexity within. "No reason. Just figured we're both stuck in this lousy night, might as well share the misery."

She let out a reluctant chuckle, wiping away lingering tears. "Misery loves company, huh?"

Dabi's lips twitched into a half-smile. "Something like that."

"You're not as scary as you look," the girl remarked, a playful glint in her eyes. "And I have this feeling I've seen you before..."

Dabi raised an eyebrow, a hint of amusement in his gaze. "Looks can be deceiving. You're not as fragile as you seem either. And you probably did see me in the news a few weeks ago."

It was the moment of realization. The scars tracing his face, the distinctive white hair, and those piercing eyes — it couldn't be denied. It was Dabi, or more accurately, Todoroki Touya, the eldest son of Endeavor. A notorious and dangerous villain, a member of the League of Villains. The girl struggled to maintain her composure, uncertain about what to expect from him. "So... What are you doing here, all alone?"

Dabi's half-smile lingered, his piercing turquoise eyes holding a depth of mystery. "Just enjoying the night."

The girl, though still uneasy, found herself drawn to the enigmatic aura that surrounded him. "Well, it's not exactly the serene escape most people go for on New Year's Eve."

Dabi chuckled, the sound carrying a mix of cynicism and genuine amusement. "Guess I'm not most people."

As the conversation continued, a peculiar tension filled the air. The girl couldn't shake the knowledge of Dabi's infamous reputation, yet there was an unexpected comfort in his presence. She hesitated before voicing her thoughts, her tone a mix of curiosity and caution. "So, what's it like being a part of the League of Villains? To be a villain?" she asked, her eyes searching his for any hint of the truth.

Dabi's expression remained enigmatic, a mask that revealed little. "Sometimes you have to play the game to survive, even if the rules are twisted."

The girl nodded, absorbing his words. "Survival is a powerful motive, but it doesn't make everything right."

Dabi's gaze lingered on her, a flicker of something unreadable passing through his eyes. "Right and wrong are just labels people use to make sense of the world. In the end, everyone's got their own code, ya know, dollface." Dabi, as if sensing her internal struggle, spoke again, his voice softer this time. "You don't have to understand or approve of what I do. Just everyone's fighting their own battles, even if they wear a different kind of armor, yeah?"

The girl pondered his words. "A... Are you... I mean..." She hesitated. "Do you want to hurt me?" The young woman asked simply.

Dabi observed the genuine concern in the girl's eyes, and for a moment, the hardened exterior softened. He took a step back, allowing a subtle distance between them. "Hurt you?" he echoed, his voice carrying a hint of surprise. "No, sweetheart, that's not what I'm here for. Besides, it seems you're already hurt," he mused.

The girl released a sigh, her head nodding in reluctant acknowledgment. "Yeah, I don't know what's up with me, but I just feel this overwhelming emptiness, you know? Super lonely. No one to share the joy of this time of the year with. I realize it sounds silly, but it's like I'm stuck in this sea of celebration, and I'm just stranded. Tonight, seeing all those happy people with their loved ones, their friends… and then there's me, all on my own. It's just sad. Sorry. I can't believe I'm dumping my pathetic problems on a freaking villain. What a night," she chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of her neck.

Dabi's expression softened as he listened to her, a subtle understanding in his piercing eyes. "Loneliness isn't reserved for heroes or villains," he remarked, his voice carrying a surprising depth.

The girl looked at him, a mix of surprise and gratitude in her eyes. "I didn't expect a lecture on life from someone like you."

Dabi chuckled, the sound carrying a hint of self-awareness. "Life's full of surprises. You never know where you'll find a connection, even in the most unexpected places."

She chuckled loudly. "Guess you're right."

Dabi straightened and closed the gap between him and the girl. He gently caught her chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting her head to get a better look at her. She was undeniably pretty. "Considering we both seem to be stranded, and you're not posing any threat to me," he remarked, a glimmer of mischief in his eyes, "how about we make the most of this damn night together?"

The girl's eyes widened at Dabi's unexpected proposal. There was a mix of surprise and uncertainty on her face as she processed his words. She couldn't deny the allure of the idea — escaping the loneliness of the night with him, even if just for a little while.

Dabi's half-smile lingered as he awaited her response. His eyes held a hint of genuine interest, waiting to see if she would take the leap into the unknown with a man who, by all accounts, was a notorious villain.

She hesitated for a moment, the internal struggle evident in her eyes. With a deep breath, she nodded, a shy smile forming on her lips. "Sure, why not? It's not every day you get an offer like that from someone like you."

Dabi's smirk widened, releasing her chin. "That's the spirit."

Together, they ventured into the night, the echoes of celebration still resonating in the distance.

[southern-gothic-comic]

Page 22

Next 💜 Back 🖤 First

(Author Notes)

Panel 1: Back at the farmhouse. Imogen and her father are washing and drying dishes. Imogen, smiling dreamily, is humming to herself. Relvin: You’ve been in a fine mood recently, butterbean. Warms my heart to see it. Imogen: Oh . . . yeah, I suppose I have. Relvin: Someone special you’ve been spendin’ time with? Imogen: Mmm-hm. Relvin: Oh, really now? Is it young Samuel, from the stables? Imogen: Haha. No. Panel 2: His smile fades. Imogen gets defensive. Relvin: Not that new . . . woman in town, is it? Imogen: She has a name, Daddy. It’s Laudna. Relvin: I just want you to be careful. I don’t know a whole lot about who -- or even what -- she is. Do you? She in some kinda trouble? On the run from somewhere? Got that scar on her neck, was she strung up for a crime? Or is she one of those fey folks? A vampire? Some kinda witch? Panel 3: Imogen: She’s my friend. And she’s been kinder to me in the past few weeks than anyone else in this town has in years. Relvin: Now, Imogen-- Imogen: And if you’re so concerned about witches, why don’t you worry about the one standin’ next to you? Panel 4: Relvin: You don’t have to remind me. That’s just another reason to be careful, far as I’m concerned. You know how folks talk. There’s enough eyes on us as it is because of your . . . condition. You haven’t forgotten why we live so far out of town, have you? Imogen: No. How could I, with you guiltin’ me about it all the time? Panel 5: Imogen storms out of the kitchen. Relvin: Well if you could just keep that inquisitive li’l mind of yours outta the heads of others, maybe there wouldn’t be a need. It ain’t right, Imogen. Imogen: I can’t help it! Relvin: You sure about that? Imogen: Well if you would just tell me about her, maybe I wouldn’t have to! Relvin: Imogen, we’ve discussed this-- Imogen: I’m goin’ to bed. ‘Night. Panel 6: She goes to bed, but her sleep is restless, and the square of moonlight falling in from the window has an ominous crimson cast.

[drdemonprince]

It’s “urks me” anon. I agree with your reply very much. I know I sent the ask but you did not have to reply as in depth as you did and it genuinely made me feel a lot more comfortable with the space you are creating. I kinda wish you had explained yourself that well in the beginning but hey I of all people know online communication is difficult and this is an evolving convo. Also I’m going to be real your followers have been being a lot more annoying than you ever could be and it was affecting my mood when talking to you. It’s less that healthy people talking about risk management inherently annoys me and more that they are constantly slipping in microaggressions and minor misinfo when they talk about it. Even if the choices they are making are (sometimes…) reasonable it is so obvious that they were not listening to the important technical details vulnerable people were speaking and only heard “blah blah blah scary stuff and restrictions blah blah blah” like…!? I think overshaming is one piece of the puzzle. But I think a lot of people, including many so called allies and covid-aware people, simply don’t listen to us very carefully regardless of how diplomatic we’re being. Maybe they think they already know the technical details even though they clearly don’t? Idk it’s very irritating.

Thanks for your message. This is another place where I get very enraged at our public institutions for failing us so catastrophically! We have all been so systematically misled about COVID, and the actual infection numbers and other ever-evolving data on how it's currently spreading is actively covered up, and not made accessible by journalistic institutions, so on that level I do not hold individiduals reponsible for not understanding things.

Chronically ill, disabled, and otherwise COVID-conscious people have been forced to become the public health information apparatus and have done incredible amounts of thankless work geneating the data, reporting on it, monitoring wastewater levels, delving deeply into the latest research, creating infographics, and trying to spread the word to the public about it, but they have no assistance in it, and no platform beyond what they can build online. and those online communities tend to become siloed because of how social media algorithms work, and so people who have been spreading the facts relentlessly every single day routinely bump up against people who do not see those same posts hardly ever because they are in different pockets of the internet. Which comes down both to their choices and priorities, and due to algortihmic echo-chambers, and economic and political incentive structures silencing the work that COVID-conscious folks do.

And yes, also, people very much do shut down and turn away when confronted with scary information... that's a very well-established fact within public health and persuasion science that has remained a real barrier to public awareness campaigns for a long time. People do not process information about death and threat well at all. So much so that many public health intitatives of the past had to limit talk of death and scary outcomes if they want people to things like get a cancer screening or contemplate quitting smoking. the cigarette companies themselves funded "anti smoking" campaigns that were awash in images of death and bodily decay because they knew those kinds of messages shut people down and actually make them less likely to quit. (i write a lot about this stuff in my new book).

This is where conversations about tactics do become relevant again -- mentioning death or the direness of long COVID isn't "shaming", it's not moral sanctimoniousness, it's not "wrong" to do, it is accurate! but it doesn't usually work persuasively. and I do think there is more we could do to frame masking and taking covid mitigation measures as a thing for a person to take pride in, feel empowered by, and feel connected to others by doing, which generally is what we find to be more effective in public health research.

to return to the cancer comparison, we tend to find that "think of how much peace of mind you'll feel after your cancer screening! take a positive step for your health!" is a more effective framing that actually inspires behavioral change than "if you don't find out that you have pancreatic cancer in time you will most likely die. here are the stats on how many people die of it." That kind of messaging tends to make people less likely to take proactive steps. even though it's all rooted in actual facts.

I have seen some propaganda (postive connotation) evoking a kind of positive, empowering idea regarding masking at protests, but I'd love to see more of it. Sounding the alarm repeatedly does not work for a variety of psychological reasons. people get both numb to it if they've heard something is a "pressing serious life and death emergency" for long enough, and paradoxically, they also overwhelmed by the bleakness. we see a similar thing happening with climate change. these situations ARE dire and people SHOULD care, but in order to make caring feel concrete and possible, behaviorally, we have to frame information in an empowering way.

of course, there are COVID conscious people who do do that and devote lots of energy to crafting such persuasive messages! and still have to cope with being silenced, downgraded by the algorithm, ignored, attacked by anti-maskers, etc. and lots of people understandably feel that they have tried everything and that people still don't care. from where they are sitting as one person that's the emotional reality and that's often the lived intepersonal experience. but that appearance of other people not caring was engineered...and lord i hope we can find a way to socially engineer a collective way out of it, because what we are doing isn't working well enough. unfortunately the thing we need the most desperately is just more people spreading the message and giving a shit.

[writingmeraki]

fools of love II

READ PART ONE HERE !!

summary : being jealous of the stars in your eyes whenever you smiled because he knew they were caused by anyone but him or so he thought.

genre : fluff, angst, humour (it gets a bit angsty here folks)

pairing : cho guesung x gn!reader, idiots to lovers.

warnings : kissing, attempts at humor, misunderstandings, slight hurt, jealousy, cussing, the reader is hurt kinda, not entirely proofread.

author's note : IT'S OUT finally, this took me longer than i initially thought and my sincere apologies for that, i hope this makes up for the wait ??? i won't lie i wish i could write this into a series but i hope you like this either way :D let me know what you think of this haha love you and thank you for the support you have given this !! here's to part 2 :))

word count : 5k (total is around 8.6k with part one)

previously

"Sheesh it's not like you actually will look like a fool anyways at least never to hyung so I don't know why you stress out so much."

He muttered as he caressed his ear and narrowed his eyes at you while cussing you in his mind geez this woman knows how to hurt

You raised an eyebrow, almost in amazement yet disbelief as you scoffed

"He doesn't particularly like me Kangin, did you forget?" Your voice softened at the end with a sad tone lacing it.

Kangin let out a sigh of exhaustion not just because of him being tired due to running around and practicing but also because frankly he was also tired of this.

He was tired to see you beat yourself up because you felt as though you'd were the one doing something wrong

Maybe it's because I smile too much?? Maybe I look inappropriate ?? Or he just-maybe he just doesn't like my presence??

These were some of the questions you'd always ask him to which Kangin would equally be baffled as to how you think someone could dislike you or your presence and he'd always fill in words of reassurance and make sure you knew you were not the one at fault, ever.

No Y/N it'-it's not you okay? It's not you who is fault here i promise, maybe he's just in a bad mood but don't you dare blame yourself for him not treating you right okay?

He'd told those words previously when he you first asked him those questions but honestly he was fed up of this and could tell this had to be changed.

Turning his head towards where Guesung stood, he narrowed his eyes and scanned his expression.

Guesung stood talking to Heungmin, they both looked like they were in a serious conversation judging from their serious faces so he thought it wasn't right to approach his hyung at that moment.

You stood there eyes shifting following Kangin's gaze and saw he seemed to be in his mind at the moment as he narrowed his eyes at...Guesung?

You raised an eyebrow out of curiosity now trying to wander what kind of thoughts could he possibly having right now that seemed to make him more and more frustrated.

Just as you were about to speak up, he suddenly jerked his entire body in your direction and stood directly in front of you now, staring you right in your eyes.

You got taken aback a bit as you stared at his mocha brown eyes that swirled with many emotions, though you couldn't quite put a figure in either as they all seemed to be a mix of annoyance, judging from his slightly crunched eyebrows, but his lip forming a small pout as though he was desperate to let out whatever he had just been thinking off.

You almost wanted to giggle because it just looked like he was a cute little puppy who got hurt but you suppressed it and stared at him in anticipation to go on.

"Y/N." He called in a deeper voice then usual, a professional tone you suppose to make what he was about to say sound absolutely serious.

"Mhm?" Letting out a hum of approval for him to go on

"You know i always want what's best for you right? I have always wanted what's best for you and i always will." He told you now putting his hands on your shoulders as if to hold you in place.

" Yes, yes i do know but wh-why are you suddenly saying this?"

You told now getting slightly nervous as to how serious he looked, his eyes now being replaced from the warmer tones to a more darker yet slightly intimidating gaze.

"That's why I think, that's why I think you should either be fucking brave and confess or else you let it go. Because clearly holding onto this is not only hurting you but it is literally draining you."

He firmly told as you slowly took in his words, your brain picking up quickly as to what he had been implying, your heart beat thudding against your chest as your imagination started to run wild from the scenarios it created.

After a pause,hearing no reply from you, he decided it was appropriate to continue

"It's not like you know how he feels do you? Yes his behaviour is not rightful towards you but even that you should let him know, let him know that it hurts you, that he doesn't have the right to treat you that way despite you doing nothing wrong in the first place."

You gulped at his words as he continued on

"Y/N, my love, you deserve the best a person can offer. You deserve someone who's willing to treat you right and make sure your feelings are not hurt. You deserve someone who for one is honest about their feelings, who's willing to go out of their way to keep you in their lives."

Taking a pause to catch his breath,

"Even if it means Guesung hyung is not that person."

"You need to realise what you rightfully deserve. That choice is always yours, not mine, not the world and certainly not Guesung hyung's."

He finished off placing his hand over his heart as if he felt a weight lift off his chest when he said that and truthfully it did in a way, he always wanted to say this, even so knowing how the other truly feels, he knew you still deserved an honest person.

You in the other hand stood there, silent. Taking in every single syllable and word that was told you, carefully dissecting the meaning in your mind and alas,

Alas you finally realised it.

He was right, Lee Kangin was fucking right.

Kangin stared at you, thinking he'd done something wrong and contemplating if he could take back his words even though he meant them wholeheartedly.

"You're right." Kangin snapped his gaze towards you that had previously turned away after finishing his speech due to his nervousness, he looked at you and blinked a few times as though his eyes had heard them wrong.

He shook his head slightly realising he probably looked dumb but you paid no mind and continued,

"You're absolutely right Kangin."

Thinking back you realised just how dumb you acted because of...because of well Guesung. Honestly it was ridiculous how you'd let his behaviour towards you just slide because you believed you were the one in the wrong.

The saying "Love makes fools of us all, big and little." was something you were not really one to believe in. Because really who would let a bunch of emotions control your entire mind and captivate your heart to the point of sleepless nights and even more restless days.

You weren't one to believe in it until you became said fool.

You didn't believe it until you were actually one of those who made the saying apply quite literally.

Because after all, you had been a fool. A fool who let your emotions take over and started viewing the world through rosy red-tinted glasses.

And Kangin, your one and only saviour, had just removed those, threw them from your face and made you face the actual colours of reality.

So with a determined mindset and gathering up every sort of confidence you had in you, you looked back at Kangin, and said with a firm voice

"I'll confront him. I'll ask him why he treats me the way he does, why can't he just treat me, how he treats others. With at the least an ounce of respect."

You stopped to catch a breath.

"A-and I'll also let him know how much he has hurt me. How it does not only affect me but it tires me at times, how it feels to be treated like that by someone...someone who means...who means way more than I wish he did in my life."

Finally letting out an exhale and putting your hand over your heart as though it was just mentally tiring to think of all that, you finished

"I'll confront him after your practice, i wouldn't want something I said to affect his practice."

You nodded more to yourself rather than Kangin who still seemed to be in shock as to how you were able to accept the reality and come to those rightful conclusions.

Rolling your eyes at his confused and dazed look, you continued "What? You think I am dumb enough to not notice that this wasn't the right way to behave. Look I may have not confronted him about it before but I did know okay? I did know it wasn't right to treat anyone this way."

"I guess not confronting is the same as basically allowing him to continue treating me that way, but, not anymore."

You wished though, you wish you'd have confronted him about this previously but hey, better late than never right?

Kangin narrowed his eyes in suspicion and asked the on true question that stood on top of the mountain of endless questions he always had in his mind

"And what about...what about your real feelings? What about despite the way he treats you, you still choose to lo-"

Coughing loudly he stopped and continued "

like him? You still choose to put your heart in his hands unknowingly?"

Scrunching your eyebrows in a bit of cringe yet humour at his final sentence, you chuckled a bit and Kangin knew it worked to release some of the tense atmosphere the air seemed to have carried since you two began talking.

"Well, honestly I think I'll tell him. I think it's better to let everything off my chest, and worse come worse, he doesn't feel a single ounce of the same way I do and best case scenario is," You trailed off with a little smirk and a certain spark in your eyes as you imagined all your endless scenarios with Guesung being the main actor actually coming true.

Kangin snorted, walking more close to you and put his arm around your shoulder as he pulled you closer to him and brought his hand up to ruffle your hair "Okay you wild child, get off that imagination train before its next destination is false hope."

Grinning up at him "Oh but don't you know? The passenger on it is a hopelessly hopeful romantic." You finished with a wink as you both giggled suddenly feeling a lot better.

Trust Kangin to always make you feel lighter whenever you felt like everything was a burden.

At the end of the day, at least I know you'll always be there. Just like I will always be there for you Lee Kangin.

You may have been confident to say all those things about confrontation and confessing but gosh, it was easier said than done.

Way easier to boost yourself up to do the task but when it came to do the actual task you felt like making a run for it and never looking back.

That day you felt like your thoughts were really weighing you down and sure it was for a good reason yet you felt drained from truthfully everything. Instead of talking to Guesung that same day, you decided to have a talk when you were not feeling as though the weight of the world was on your shoulders.

You’d wish someone had told you about how draining feelings could make you feel but then again the rush of those same exact feelings made it almost all worth it.

You chose to just ignore him for the remainder of the day and when you bid the players and Kangin goodbye, you made sure to specifically not tell your farewell to one particular player.

And oh he noticed, he noticed how when you gently smiled at the others while bidding them goodbye, he noticed that very adorable smile drop once your eyes found his and your lips turn into a thin line whilst giving a very curt nod before turning away.

That made him confused, very confused. He was always used to you being all cheery at times around him even though he knew he didn’t treat you fairly well but he always justified why he should distance himself from you.

Because he knew it was wrong to gain feelings for the partner of his teammate.

Yes, that’s right. Guesung thought Kangin and you were actually dating. I mean he did not see any other reason as to why you’d sometimes go out of your way to make sure Kangin had been eating well by sometimes bringing over food even though they did have a diet to follow but you always just dismissed it and still happily brought him food, you’d even bring for the others as well.

He always thought you liked to be close to each other because he assumed you were dating him, the long hugs and the small little forehead kisses.

But fuck, it didn’t mean he particularly liked it.

And with these conclusions, he felt it was right to distance himself from you before he would fall harder and harder but he couldn’t help it. Feelings were fatal and surely his were no exception.

With that he found himself completely and utterly head over heels in love with you before he could even stop himself.

It began to hurt now, because from that particular day, you were making sure you kept your distance from him. He noticed this and it hurt more than he’d ever like to admit. You began showing up only a few times over the course of the week than you’d usually do.

Only coming to greet Kangin and not even spare a glance at him, not even look in his direction. You would only greet the rest of the team with encouraging words like you usually would but not even a single word towards him.

He would wait for you to spare him a glance now, wanting to hear you tell him how great his skills were or how amazing his gameplay had been during a particular practice with that ever-so-fond smile of yours which he thought was something you gave to everyone but only well basically everyone knew you reserved that smile for him and him only.

Too bad he was a fool for not seeing that.

At the end he found himself running out of excuses as to why you’d be avoiding him and though he did partially believe his behaviour was at fault here which left a bitter taste on his tongue and heart, he wished he would know the actual why.

So he found himself going to the one person who knew you better than anyone else for a plausible explaination which wouldn’t make him feel more of an asshole than how he felt, it was none other than Lee Kangin.

Kangin had been discerning his hyung’s actions from the past few days and noticed how upset he’d always looked. Well he knew Guesung was serious during practice times but he’d always be laid back after that and would even joke around a lot. They did after all get along quite well so when he saw how more frustrated he seemed to get day by day, he had initially been worried but on one day when he noticed him sporting a deep frown staring intently at something, he not only realised got the answer to his previous question as to what was stressing Guesung out but he also acquired that it was not something rather it was someone when he followed his line of sight which ultimately lead up to…you.

It was almost as if all the dots connected and Kangin couldn’t help but shake his head and narrow his own eyes at Guesung.

So he is affected by Y/N huh? Interesting.

And so when Guesung did eventually come up to him, he wasn’t exactly shocked when he found out why his hyung had come up to him.

Guesung nervously walked up to Kangin, his usual natural confidence and calmness being replaced with skeptical nerves that ran all the way from his heart to all the veins and nerves throughout his body. He gulped when he finally called out to the younger boy and even his voice seemed to have shown how nervous he was because in a rather hushed yet sheepish tone, he proceeded to ask

“Uh…Kangin? You got a minute to spare, I-uh I have something I want to ask you?” And immediately after he said that he wished the earth could swallow him whole.

Fucking hell, why am I acting like a high schooler with a crush ?!?

Kangin turned to Guesung from putting aside his belongings since it was the end of the day and raised his eyebrow as he urged on for him to continue,

 “Yes, hyung, sure what is it?” Pulling his lips into a thin line to prevent his smirk from showing.

Exhaling forcefully while clearing his throat he finally let the weighing question which had been both heavy on his tongue and mind out “Why is Y/N avoiding me? I mean I thought I’d ask you because you know, you’re their boyfriend and like you’d know the rea-”

“Wait, WHAT????”

Kangin interrupted the little unknowing ramble as he heard something that was very VERY absurd to him, thinking maybe he heard wrong.

“Boyfriend?? That too Y/N’S BOYFRIEND?!?” Kangin looked even more in shock as he saw the confused look wash over Guesung’s face, he held up a hand to his heart and said in a loud and serious voice “Hyung, first of all, God no, heck to the fucking no, Y/N and me are not fucking dating, we are literally just friends, we share platonic love, PLATONIC.”

“Secondly, are you seriously asking why Y/N’s avoiding you? No actually you tell me, what if the person you literally like would treat you like shit even though you treat them nicely for absolutely no fucking reason huh?”

Kangin’s voice grew more annoyed as he finished his little rant but he slapped his hand over his mouth as he realized a little detail he may or may not have accidentally spilled.

“L-like?” Guesung questioned even though Kangin may have not spoken much, all the words seemed to have cut through every single thought process he had been having to make his mind a mess of a mush of feelings and even more questions.

“Not dating? WHAT? What about the way you guys like, you guys like to be touchy with each other and stuff?”

Guesung questioned again loudly and now an amused expression grazed itself upon Kangin as he nodded

“So best friends can’t hug each other or kiss each other on the cheeks? Literally, Y/N takes me as one of their older brothers, even going as far as to call me their ‘twin brother from another’.”

Guesung groaned as he realised how childish and unbelievably stupid he felt at the very moment, he had to sit down on a bench and hold his head in his hands as he felt his brain feel heavier and heavier as though it was gaining physical weight from the newly acquired information.

“Also hyung before you go on another stupid assumption of yours, if you noticed closely, you’d know Y/N’s basically a very physically affectionate person in general to everyone, hugging is basically like a handshake or a normal greeting for them, even Seungho hyung and Y/N have this weird bet of giving each other piggy back rides when one loses a round of ‘who is a better goal keeper?’ to which Y/N on purpose loses just so they can get free piggy back rides.”

Kangin chuckled as he remembered how you basically played with your cunning words to make you somehow be able to always win that bet against Seungho and the poor lad eventually fell for it.

Guesung just stared at Kangin, blinking twice as his mouth fell ajar when he realised the most important part of his previously forgotten question was yet to be answered “What did you mean by like? As in-?”

“Well why don’t you find out yourself, I already said more than what was needed and I surely don’t need Y/N physically throwing me off a cliff for accidentally saying what their true fee-”

Before Kangin could say more, he bit on his tongue, quite literally to force himself to shut up “UH-yeah AS I said just, just go sort this out yourselves, you oblivious idiots, I’m done with this. And I swear to God if Y/N comes to me crying or anything and there is even a small fault of yours this time, I’ll forget who you are.” He finished almost threateningly which made Guesung gulp a little from his very serious tone.

And then as if someone flipped a switch, he smiled sweetly as he rose up from his previous position of besides Guesung and walked away before turning around slowly relaying some information “AND YEAH Y/N’S PROBABLY HOME RIGHT NOW SO YOU MIGHT WANT TO HURRY BEFORE THEY HEAD TO THE LIBRARY, THEIR ADDRESS IS XXX XXX XXX.”

He basically shouted at Guesung before turning around knowing his job was done and smiled to himself,

Y/N better thank me for this.

<< A few minutes later >>

The doorbell rang as you groaned realising, you’d actually have to get up from your comfortable position of sulking on the couch as you watched a romcom which did nothing but make you want more and more of what the lead couples had which in turn made you frown more as you thought about your actual reality.

It’s probably Kangin or whatever,

You thought but oh you were so wrong, so fucking wrong.

Because the last person you expected to be standing in all his might glory, on the step of your lovely home at almost 8 pm was Cho fucking Guesung.

Your brain basically stopped its communication as it tried to process whether this was reality or just another conjured up daydream of Guesung you often had as much as you hated to admit it.

“G-Guesung?” You asked softly as he stood there, him also being in a similar state as he took in your shorter yet perfect for him, figure in front of him in a large hoodie that almost reached your knees and your glasses which just made you look even more fucking cute. Oh, how he wished it was his hoodie you were standing in but he felt it in his gut if he did play the right cards and words, his wishes would soon come true.  (and he is right)

Fuck, Dear God,help me here please.

He prayed to the heavens above for some encouragement before he spoke

“I am sorry.”

Before you could even greet him hello, he literally left you speechless with those three words, pulling your lips into a thin line as you rose an eyebrow in curiosity because it seemed like he still had a lot to say.

“I am really sorry for, for everything. I am sorry for treating you like shit, sorry for making you feel like you were the one in the wrong and fuck- fuck I am really sorry for making you upset over me. Nothing can justify how I behaved with you, I just wished I wasn’t such a coward and assumed things that were never true in the first place…I just I am sorry okay?”

He put his hand on his chest as he exhaled feeling a lot of the weight on his chest leave as he continued and put his other hand on your mouth before you could speak again “No wait please just let me finish.”

Here it goes.

“I was a jealous idiot okay? I was a jealous idiot who jumped to conclusions and why I was jealous, it’s because I fucking like you. I have liked you since the day Kangin introduced you to us, at first I thought it was just because you were a beautiful person but the more you spent time with everyone, the more I kept falling when I realised you were not only beautiful on the outside but a fucking awesome human too? The way you always made sure to ask me about how I was doing and always just supporting us, like seriously who would go out of their way everyday to just be there for someone nowadays, then I realised I was jealous because I wanted that, I wanted you to do those things for me and me only. Y/N there you go okay, I fucking like you and if you don’t feel the sa-”

Before he could finish, you gently yet firmly removed his hand from your mouth and grabbed his jersey, which he had not yet changed, before bunching it up and pulling him closer to you, he stumbles a bit before you pull him down and crash your lips against him.

It felt as though the world faded around him the moment his lips touched yours as he shut his eyes, his hands gently moving to your waist, securely resting themselves on your hip bone, as your own entangled themselves around his neck.

Gentle yet soft was how the kiss felt like, only testing whether their lips suited each other as they moved against each other in a slow rhythm.

And when it felt like it was the perfect melody, it grew more and more passionate, hungrier and all of your unsaid emotions being poured into it, communicated through the rougher movement of lips against each other. Tingles traveled up your spine as his large hands pressed into your hips, squeezing gently. You moved one hand up to his hair, softly caressing it as he pulled you impossibly closer to him, slightly groaning as you pressed against his warm body and your hand working its magic in his hair.

He moved his hand up to your cheek as you gently pulled away, hands now looped around his neck, his eyes fluttering open gently as you both breathed heavily almost in sync, he stared down as you who still had your eyes shut but you looked up at him hazily opening your eyes as a small smile formed on your face “Well I hope that told you how I felt.”

You spoke so gently as if it was just meant for only him to hear and it was really.

“Wa-wait really?”

You let out a small giggle and decided to hopefully make him believe you even more with what you did next.

Pecking his lips you said “I” Another peck “Like” And a second one “You” And a third “Cho Guesung” You finished with one last peck which was almost a full-on kiss before you pulled apart and grinned widely at him with your now, even more, redder cheeks and shining eyes.

He brought up his other hand to your face and ran his thumbs over your warm flushed cheeks as he looked you in your eyes and finally, finally for once, he was not jealous of the stars in your eyes.

Because this time he knew they were there because of him and only him.

BONUS CUT (because honestly that last line as much as a banger of it is as an ending line there’s still some stuff left that needs to be covered)

“But you still have a lot of making up to do.” You mumbled to him gently c as you both decided it was better to move this much-needed conversation to a more private space which was your living room without an audience you noticed one of your grumpy neighbors had been staring at uh…the both of you. making out rather passionately.

Now you both were comfortably sat, you in his embrace as you sat half on his lap with one leg of his as he had one arm over you securely resting on your waist with your head on his chest, simply hearing his heart beat as it gave you comfort. Your hands held his free one as you drew circles on the back of it, each touch sending a shiver down his spine as he squeezed your waist gently running his own thumb on your slightly exposed skin making you reciprocate the same way.

He chuckled sheepishly as he sceptically continued “I know, I know I do and I swear I’m really sorry, I promise I’ll earn back your forgiveness for the rest of my life if I have to. Actually wait, let’s start from now, w-what can I do right now which could earn a bit of it?”

You giggled lightly as you felt his heart pace up, moving your body a bit so you could face him as you cheekily thought of another idea.

“You are so so cheesy darling" You chuckled as you noticed his cheeks begin to turn red at not only the nickname but your soft laughter and fondly continued,

"And well there is definitely one way."

You finished as you grabbed his collar, once again pulling his lips onto yours as you shifted your position to be in a more comfortable one, which was directly on his lap as you looped your arms once again behind his neck while biting his bottom lip and he squeezed your hips gently in response as he groaned.

At that moment you both knew, there was no turning back. You both were in too deep now, lost in each other’s thoughts and arms and you couldn’t have it any other way.

And oh of course, you both owned Lee Kangin a huge fucking thank you.

all written works as well as images and edits (unless credited) belong to pri. do not plagiarise, repost, re-edit or claim as yours. pics mostly found on pinterest.

writingmeraki Ⓒ 2022

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[prettyplumpkitty]

I have this issue in my life and I have nowhere else to really present it.

It’s the longest story in the world but I will try to be concise.

My brother in law & his wife are a wreck.

They are both mentally ill; him physically ill as well with an autoimmune thing. They have two kids, both autistic, one non verbal. So a lot on their plate. They are also fifteen & ten years younger than me, respectively.

They live 4 miles from us in a 250K+ home that my mother in law bought for them and helps pays to maintain. She is also semi-retired and spends any time not working at her health care job cleaning their house & taking care of their kids so my brother in law can do…nothing.

He has no real hobbies other than video games and no other interests. He is bitter about “living at home” again and refuses to go into town, lest someone he knew from the past “see” him. His wife is the breadwinner and their interpersonal relationship can be very toxic at times.

Suffice it to say, they are just very unhappy. My brother in law looks up to mister, his 9 years older brother, especially since they lost their dad almost a decade ago. But there has become a very negative, horrible bias against us where these two think our lives are super easy & have been.

Brother in law is currently not speaking to mister and ignoring messages and attempts to communicate. He will, however, continue to text & talk to our 14 year old son. This is not the first time this has happened at all. Brother in law will get it in his head that we’ve slighted him by not coming to visit him at his house enough (he won’t step foot in our house) and that everyone hates him and thinks he’s a loser (which is kinda true cause he acts this way…self fulfilling prophecy).

What’s recently come out is that brother in law and his wife are mad jealous.

Which in a way I understand because I know how my life presents on paper so to speak. I am excellent at curating a beautiful existence on Facebook & Instagram which is the only way those two look in on us. I am so good at it, I’ve made a position for myself at work with my skills and no college degree.

But more than anything, it’s that mister and I chose to have a positive attitude about the difficulties & struggles we’ve encountered in this life.

THAT’S what makes things look “easy” for us.

But it really hasn’t been and I’m growing very resentful for these very much younger folks thinking everything has been peachy keen when I was parenting a child while they were still fucking babies themselves. There are parts to my life they know NOTHING about and mister’s too.

We have gotten to the point where we are ready to cut all ties because it is too toxic and they always target us when things are going especially rough for them or my brother in law is in some bipolar mood. However, my mother in law LIVES with us so it is very hard to avoid the topic. It is all very drama-inducing and I hate drama.

So, any advice? Not sure what I’m asking specifically but I had to get some off my chest. It just sucks knowing people are super jealous of you AND think you’ve taken easy street when it’s not at all the case. Mister doesn’t let other people have that kind of authority over his own narrative but I am always plagued by feeling, is there truth to this? when someone is upset with me.