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sgt-revolver · 4 years

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ULTIMATE Beatlemaniac Tag!

I was tagged by @ourladylennon and @johns-prince to complete this questionnaire. Thanks for the tags, I honestly really enjoyed answering these questions.

How long have you been a fan?: I’ve been a fan for as long as I can remember. I always loved hearing their music on the radio and my music teacher was a fan, so he’d regularly play their music in his lessons and on one occasion I saw like the first 30 minutes of A Hard Day’s Night. I think I only got as far as the scene with John in the bath before he turned it off. But it’s only been during the last 2 and a half years that I’ve listened to them more often, and I’ve finally listened to all the albums all the way through. Now I’m a huge fan and can’t live without their music.

Favorite Beatle: John. It’s always been John for me, even back when I was a kid he was my favourite.

Favorite era for music: I’ll always have a soft spot for their early-mid era music, around 64-66 is my absolute favourite.

Favorite era for lewks: Teddy boy and the whole of 1966 for me. They simply looked so fucking cool around those two eras. The teddy boy era was just hot with all the leather they wore and how they tried to make themselves look ‘tough’, and during 1966 that entire year seemed to be a huge transitional period which mixed with their earlier career and how they looked later on.

Favorite song: This changes, and I do not have only one favourite song. I’ll always love Strawberry Fields Forever, it is always up there as one of my favourites. Same with I am the Walrus. I also love If I Fell, Nowhere Man, In My Life, I’m Only Sleeping and Something. There’s more but this answer will be too long if I keep going.

Favorite album: Revolver, no question. My username is based off it too.

Unpopular/Controversial Beatles opinion: Not necessarily unpopular but I really don’t like Yoko Ono as a person. I wish she didn’t try to make herself part of the band, it’s actually really infuriating. I don’t like to talk about this sort of thing so I’ll leave it at that.

A song everyone loves but you dislike: Ok I don’t necessarily dislike these songs, but I think Hey Jude and Let it Be are overrated.

A song everyone dislikes but you love: Run for your Life, Blue Jay Way and Revolution 9. I’m not really sure why Blue Jay Way isn’t well liked its underrated imo.

Your fantasy involving The Beatles: Seeing them live in concert, before they become big and go to America, preferably in Hamburg or at the Cavern Club. It must have been amazing to be able to be where they started out before Beatlemania, the atmosphere omg yes please. After the show I’d try to do anything I can to meet them, but I suspect I’d end up being so starstruck it would be painfully awkward, but it would be so worth it.

Tell us about the moment you knew you were a fan: There is no one moment I knew I was a fan, but I guess I realised I was a big fan when I listened to their albums all the way through, and I enjoyed them. There’s also the time when I watched the Eight Days a Week documentary and I couldn’t help but love them so much.

Did you ever have a genuine ‘The Beatles suck!’ phase before becoming a fan?: Nearly. This was after I became a fan but a long time ago, I kept hearing constantly how they’re not that good from people I know irl and it almost got ingrained in me for no reason at all. I’m glad I didn’t have that phase, otherwise I would be beating myself up for it now.

Favorite Beatles book: I haven’t read any yet, but I really want to and I’m not sure where to buy any (I’m a bit iffy about buying off Amazon)

Thoughts on the old generation of fans: They can be a bit full of themselves, but I like hearing their stories and their preferences on their favourite albums. Most of the older generation of fans I personally know seem to love John and hate Paul, so I automatically think they’re all the same but I know that’s not true.

If Hollywood were to make a high budget Beatles biopic, what is one thing you desperately hope they include?: I’m personally unsure if I want a Beatles biopic as I know they’ll mess everything up but I want them to include the strong bonds formed with each other and that they never actually hated each other.

Do you read/write fanfic?: I read a lot of fanfic, but I’m not confident with my writing ability so I don’t write anything. Yet.

Are you the only one in your family/friend group to enjoy them?: Both my mum and my dad claim to be fans. My step dad loves them though, yet every time I bring it up with him when he mentions them he ignores me completely, and its painful. My friends either think they’re overrated (they’ve probably only listened to Hey Jude, All you need is love and Yesterday) or they just don’t care/don’t know who they are. And if anyone I know is interested in them, they just mansplain everything to me so I can’t really enjoy listening to them or talking about them with others irl.

Are you a shipper?: Yeah I am.

Favorite movie starring/made by them?: A Hard Day’s Night.

Do you believe in McLennon?: I believe they were soulmates, definitely.

General opinions on McLennon?: They loved each other, there is no doubt about it. The signs are obvious, like the eye fucking, how they were literally inseparable for years and their LSD trip they had together. I do think it was mostly platonic though, and that any romantic attraction was one sided from John. I think Paul was oblivious to some of John’s feelings for him during the 1960s and that upset him.

If you got to change ONE thing about their history, what would it be and why?: The break up, they hurt each other’s feelings so much from all the suing and fighting they were miserable. I would make sure they ended things more amicably and I’d make sure Allen Klein does not get a look in at all during 1969. Seeing Paul get hurt like that is awful.

What song has the best vocals?: This is a real hard one to answer, but I’d say Twist and Shout, Helter Skelter and Norwegian Wood.

What song do you feel had no effort put into it?: Wild Honey Pie.

What is a well talked about moment in Beatles history you genuinely believe to be false?: Yoko wasn’t fully responsible for the break up the Beatles. I believe it was everyone’s fault to some extent, some more so than others. I think John caused the most damage to the band as a result of him putting in nearly no effort and having Yoko on his shoulder every day. Ringo quitting for two weeks is when I believe things were really starting to fall apart, and they never really recovered from that.

What is something you KNOW to be true, but often gets erased in their history?: John was bisexual, he’s pretty much admitted it as well. It gets dismissed constantly though. All of the Beatles were nice, amicable men who had their flaws and did what they can to become better people. None of them were gods, and none of them were inherently terrible people. John and Yoko’s relationship was toxic and incredibly unhealthy. They weren’t as happy together as the books and the Lennon estate make them out to be.

Least favorite look from a Beatle(s): John’s Sgt Pepper moustache. It just didn’t suit him, but then there was his beard from 1969. The beard looked disgusting and way too messy. I don’t think he made any attempt to keep it clean and that he just didn’t give a fuck about it, he just left it there to get worse and worse each passing day.

Favorite look from a Beatle(s): Shea Stadium, on all of them. But when John’s sweaty and his hair is a mess, he just looks fantastic. I also love the suits all four of them wore in Cincinnati in 1966.

I’ll tag @princessleiaqueen @theliverpoolsoldier @underwallsandbridges and @latinxbeatles and anyone else who wants to do it. Don’t feel like you have to do this, but I love reading everyone’s answers :)

#tag games #the beatles

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vendettacanons · 4 years

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Repost, please don’t reblog!!

Tagged by: @yourlovingspy (thank youuuu!! ❤️)

Tagging: @maximuses (For Luna) @literiveture (for Faye) @ivestasy (for Val) @dcllmaking (for Ernie man) @devilsdecade (for Wyatt) @thxwxlf and anyone else who feels like doing it!

⚔️ Senses and Other Oddly Specific Headcanons ⚔️

For Lucas!!

1. What does your muse smell like?

Depends on the day. By default, Lucas tends to have the smell of gunpowder, rich cologne, and blood/ money on him. His work keeps the lingering smell of death on him, but it tends to be well-hidden beneath his fancy perfumes. By default however, Lucas’ pure, natural scent is very soft: he has this smell like freshly baked bread, still warm out of the oven, and the faintest hint of sea salt, like the oceans of his home still clinging to him from thousands of miles away. It’s oddly comforting and homely for someone like him, and the softness of it has gained him many comments about it. It’s a shame he tends to mask if under lotions and face masks and shaving cream and cologne for the sake of keeping himself presentable.

2. What do your muse’s hands feel like?

The years have not been kind to Lucas and his hands show that. He has a few scars- including an old burn scar on the side of his left hand. His fingers and palms have some callouses on them from fighting every day. Sometimes against others, sometimes against himself. But even still, they’re not incredibly rough. He washes, moisturizes, and lotions his hands so often that the callouses don’t ever really have the chance to fully harden, so they just feel more like tougher, thicker patches of skin on his hand. Overall, his hands are very soft as a result of his extensive self-care routines, and the callouses and scars just kind of add a weathered texture to them. They tend to feel really, really warm. Unless he’s sick- then they’re ice cold.

3. What does your muse usually eat in a day?

Lucas isn’t all that picky about what he eats. As a child he ate whatever was on his plate, and as a teenager he couldn’t exactly have a preference for whatever he fished out of trash cans or smuggled into prison for food. Nowadays he makes his own meals. For breakfast, he tends to eat eggs either scrambled or in omelettes with things like cheese, black olives, pepper, and potato inside. He likes his fresh OJ or warm milk in the mornings. Throughout the day he tends to nibble mostly on fruits or vegetables, drinks plenty of water or tea— he rarely drinks coffee but if he does, it’s usually black with one or two sugar. Lunch tends to be light sandwiches. Dinner is the heaviest meal. He goes all out on dinners. He’s Cuban and Polish so there’s a lot of good food to be had. Stewed and shredded beef slow-cooked in fresh tomatoes, onions, peppers, garlic and wine, and served with white rice, black beans and sweet plantains. Or rosół broth and tomato soup with herring prepared in cream, with a vegetable salad. Desert tends to be his favorite meal. He’s got a major sweet tooth and loves sweets with his favorites being papieska (cake), pie, choclate/caramel candies, and ice cream (Rocky Road is his fav). With his schedule and overall mental health, how much he eats tends to fluctuates. He has a bad habit of occasionally skipping meals when he’s not in a good place and will go days without eating. When he’s stressed, he tends to overeat and mostly has snacks. His only real limits are his allergies to pineapple and raspberries... but even then he just tends to call Mike up and preemptively tell him he’s about to eat something he shouldn’t because it’s delicious. (Sidenote: he tends to be very protective of his food and does not take kindly to people picking off his plate. Suffice to say, sharing his food with someone is a very big deal.)

As you can probably tell, food is very important to this man.

4. Does your muse have a good singing voice?

Oh yeah. Lucas is actively involved in his churches’ choirs- has been since he was a little boy. He has a deep love for music overall, having learned how to play guitar and the piano from his father. He loves singing the most though and he’s damn good at it too. It’s another thing that’s very important to him, much like cooking, because in practicing it he believes he is keeping a part of his father alive and with him. He doesn’t do it often and definitely doesn’t like doing it in front of people unless he has a very firm sense of trust in them, but occasionally you might be able to hear him humming or mumbling quietly to him while he filed paperwork and cleans (the latter of which tends to be accompanied by dramatic dancing, of which he is also good at).

Fun fact: When he was younger and picked up smoking as a stressful habit, it started to affect his voice. After finding out, that alone was enough to make him quit.

5. Does your muse have any bad habits or nervous ticks?

Tons. Lucas has tendency to curl his lips back- yes, like a dog- at people when they’re scaring or threatening him. Or at least, when he thinks they’re threatening him. He tends to use vinegar and salt to treat many of his wounds instead of providing himself actual medical attention (there are actually still bullets stuck in his skin bc he never pulled them out and just slapped a bandaid on it). He overeats when he’s very stressed or scared, he stops eating when he’s depressed, he tends to avoid sleep for long periods of time. At some point, Lucas developed this habit where he intentionally keeps himself out of REM sleep in order to stay alert. The problem is, lingering in NREM increases his risk for nightmares, night terrors, and sleep paralysis- which he chronically suffers from. Additionally, it worsens his sleep apnea and only makes it so he never feels well-rested. He just takes LSD to make himself more alert an get through the day. Additionally, Lucas regularly drinks heavily to the point of passing out, smokes marijuana, and frequently seeks out one-night stands as unhealthy ways of coping with his issues. Yeah, he’s an absolute mess.

6. What does your muse usually look like / wear?

Lucas like his suits. He has to have them tailored and custom-fitted to his body type and proportions, but he loves the feel of high quality suits. He likes the way they look on him, he loves the way they fold and winkle in just the right ways. He likes the designs of them. His work suit is his abilities favorite right next to tuxedos. Outside of work, his style varies. He tends to wear big hoodies and jeans and sneakers out and about. He likes warm sweaters and sweatpants, but he also like muscle t-shirts and yoga pants. It just depends on how he feels and what he’s planning on doing on a given day.

7. Is your muse affectionate? How much? How so?

Enormously. It’s just a matter of bringing out that affection. Due to his extensive history and mistrust of people, Lucas tends to be very guarded and solitary. He doesn’t like being touched, he rarely speaks— out it like this: he doesn’t want do anything that could potentially leave him vulnerable 2,000 steps down the line and accidentally reveal vulnerability to someone who might exploit it and hurt him. Again. He’s made that mistake too many times before. But in his intense solitude he is very lonely. He pines for someone, but he can’t seem to find them. He craves human contact but he’s too afraid of the world to actually look for it. Which is a shame, because if you manage to strip back the layers of his hardened exterior, Lucas is a very deeply affectionate person. He loves physical intimacy, he loves cuddling and hugging and kissing on his partner. He’d love spoiling them with gifts and seeing them smile, he’d love hoisting them up and surprising them. He’d love taking them out to places and sitting and listening to them talk for hours upon hours at a time. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for someone he loves. He’s just very scared because the people he loves tend to be taken from him, or walk away from him, or repay his love with immense pain.

8. What position does your muse sleep in?

Like most things about Lucas, this tends to vary. He can fall asleep standing up. He can fall asleep in a chair. He can fall asleep in a car, or on the floor, or on some stairs. If he actually manages to make it to bed, Lucas tends to sleep with his back against the wall. Or if that’s not available, he will curl up with his back against the headboard and one hand under his pillow where he gun is. If he’s really really relaxed, he’ll sleep on his belly or on his side, but never on his back. He’s noticed that sleeping on his back tends to increase the chances of him having a nightmare of sleep paralysis event.

9. Could you hear your muse in the hallway from another room?

Probably not. Even in his own homes away from home, Lucas tends to be silent. He moves on tiptoe, staying close to furniture and walls, walking on carpet and avoid creaky or echoey areas of the floor. He’s very sensitive to sound and tends to tread lightly to avoid disturbing anyone, even if there’s no one else around. This is partially to stay alert and keep good practice at how to stealthily move around on the job, but mostly because living with his brother is not the easiest task in the world. Especially when he comes home late at night. Tipping Xavier off is not something he particularly enjoys because it often means dire consequences for him.

#// this was hella fun!#// thanks for tagging me!#i always let you you down : tagged #still i find you next to me : mutual #yourlovingspy #you’re a natural : headcanon #‘’ i will pray for you ‘’ // the hitman #tw drug mention #tw marijuana mention #tw abuse mention #tw alcohol mention

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doodelli · 4 years

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Thoughts on Yellow Submarine

Once I got past the initial absurdity of Yellow Submarine and saw it a second time, I found it just wasn’t that engaging.

I think they dropped the ball in deciding to tell a start-to-finish story as opposed to a surreal line of music videos like Fantasia or even just going for a lighter plot like The Three Caballeros, which would’ve allowed them to just mess around for 90 minutes. Instead, they throw in all these plot elements like an impending invasion, some sort of alternative universe, a prophecy etc. They build up this great quest, but you don’t get the sense that the Beatles actually care about saving Pepperland or anything happening around them for that matter.

Half the fun in stories like Alice in Wonderland is seeing the main character’s reaction to all the strange things they encounter. Problem is, the Beatles barely emote throughout the story, even at times of grave danger. They don’t even care about eachother, as they just shrug when Ringo falls into a pit of Lovecraftian horrors.

Speaking of which, Ringo’s relationship with the Nowhere Man is the closest we get to an emotional core. It’s the only interaction that feels like a genuine friendship, so you’d think they’d focus on that near the end of the film. Seeing as love and music are the key to defeating the Blue Meanies, that is. Yes, the Nowhere Man ends up converting the main bad guy, but there’s little focus on the fact that our comic relief gets kidnapped leading up to that scene. Before the rescue attempt, they had already had several numbers defending Pepperland, so you feel like it’s just dragging on. Chances are, you might not have even noticed Jeremy Hillary Boob PhD was missing!

You’d expect something based on The Beatles to be character-driven, but you don’t even get that. All four of them have a monotone mumble that’s hard to pick up (partially thanks to the sound mixing), while the character actions do very little to set them apart.

Ringo is the most defined as being the sensitive one, which stays consistent throughout. We get a little bit of George having a zen vibe to him in his introduction. Similarly, Paul shows signs of being a bit of a diva when he first appears, but few of these traits are emphasized in the choices they make. As for John, his most memorable scene was him going on a tangent about parallell universes while the gang is actively trying to solve the problem at hand, which points to him being a little pretentious.

Perhaps this is my DnD side showing, but this party feels unbalanced in both personality and skill set. The Fab Four are virtually interchangable and we don’t get to see their individual strengths in the limelight. Not even the Nowhere Man with his jack-of-all-traits education really comes to use until the very end.

Simply put, the Beatles as portrayed in this movie do not have personalities strong enough to carry the whole feature.

As for the newcomers, many have potential but go underutilized. Sgt Pepper has no real personality aside from speaking gibberish when panicking, I guess. He vanishes for a good chunk of the movie, but I can’t tell you when or why.

The leader Meanie was fun to watch, with his over-the-top mannerisms and volatile mood swings, but his constant close-ups made me think the filmmakers just wanted to scare the kids and stoners watching.

The Nowhere Man was mildly amusing, but could have been implemented better. The song number meant to aquaint us with him, though beautifully animated, rings hollow in that there isn’t any narrative demand for it. This could have easily been fixed by placing the song after Ringo suggests bringing him along. Seeing as Nowhere Man has a loose sense of identity and is shown to be quite a tragic character, the song could have been the gang’s way of ascribing a sense of meaning to him.

This film being a jukebox musical works in detriment to its story, which should never be the case in a musical. We’re never given a narrative reason why this particular character should be singing this particular song. Does John singing LSD while being entranced by poorly rotoscoped women tell us anything about him? If you squint perhaps. Personally, I just couldn’t put aside the fact that the only reason John is singing LSD is because... well, John Lennon is the main singer in LSD. Why his character is singing LSD? Who knows, who cares, the music’s good.

That last part really sums up the over all attitude of this movie. ”We’re the Beatles, we don’t care, have some wacky colors”. Even though I have a fondness for most of these songs (this soundtrack is my favorite Beatles album, fight me) and I dig some of the stylistic choices, I just can’t get onboard with the underwhelming narrative and characterizations.

I’m sure this is someone’s cup of tea and I’m glad you’re able to enjoy it. These are just some reasons why others may not.

#beatles #the beatles #yellow submarine #music #cult cinema #cult classic #animation #cartoon #retro #1960s #quarentine #ramble #movie thoughts #movie review #review #youtube

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armsdealing · 5 years

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TAGGED: @generationalsins TAGGING: @starrdew (hel) @undones (griff) @generationalsins (do it but 4 cassandra) @tribeof (lilith) @neotropical (ivy) @brutlist @stillbreathes (your pick!) @naayaaab @belissimae @apearlwrites (luisa)

LAYER ONE : THE OUTSIDE

NAME - charles derane EYE COLOUR - brown HAIR STYLE / COLOUR - a short, peppered brunette with salt on the sides. HEIGHT - 6′4″ CLOTHING STYLE - charles’ wardrobe is best described as practical, as though everything he wears is done with the forethought that it can get ruined at any moment for any reason. denim and utility shirts are a staple, as are henleys and sweaters, jackets and coats, some a little more shabby than others. when he has to dress up, he wears dress shirts and slacks, and just maybe a jacket. but never a full blown suit. expect earth tones and just nothing crazy about it. BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE - height, probably. and the fact he could probably bench press you. he’s also nearing 50.

LAYER TWO : THE INSIDE

FEARS - he mostly worries for his son. other than that, he’s had such a long, messy life he’s practically been made fearless by it. GUILTY PLEASURE - police procedurals. BIGGEST PET PEEVE - he doesn’t like people that act too chummy with him from the get go or at all if this level of closeness has not been established by him. he’s gotten a bit soft over the years, yea, and far more tolerant in some aspects, but he will still bluntly tell you to fuck off (or worse) if you get too trusting. AMBITIONS FOR THE FUTURE - my guy he didn’t even KNOW he’d make it this far in life, we’re making it up as we go along!

LAYER THREE : THOUGHTS

FIRST THOUGHTS UPON WAKING UP: "the sun’s too fucking bright.” WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT MOST: his son. his pets. food. WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT BEFORE BED: he stays a few minutes in bed completely silent, listening for the activity going on outside his room and outside his apartment, thinking about the things he did before bed, and if anything felt off. things he brushed aside initially (small things, such as a loose deadbolt in his door, not loose enough to come off, but loose enough for him to notice) get scrutinized before he concludes it really was nothing after all and he falls sleep. WHAT YOUR BEST QUALITY IS: “there’s no such thing.” the resilience. even the loyalty, maybe.

LAYER FOUR : WHAT’S BETTER ?

SINGLE OR GROUP DATES - single TO BE LOVED OR RESPECTED - he doesn’t care about people’s feelings toward him. if he had to pick, he’d go for respect, but again, he doesn’t really care. BEAUTY OR BRAINS - brains DOGS OR CATS - he has a dog and a cat, and he loves them both equally. this being said, he is a cat in human form.

LAYER FIVE : DO YOU…

LIE - always. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF - sure. BELIEVE IN LOVE - that it exists? of course. WANT SOMEONE - there’s interest, sure.

LAYER SIX : EVER BEEN …

BEEN ON STAGE: no. DONE DRUGS: yes. he smoked pot while as young as 14, and will still dabble occasionally. did some lines at 22, but hasn’t done more coke since then. in his 20s he also tried other party drugs and LSD. CHANGED WHO YOU WERE TO FIT IN: never. it’s pretty much his defining characteristic.

LAYER SEVEN : FAVORITES

FAVOURITE COLOR - gray. FAVOURITE ANIMAL - cats. FAVOURITE MOVIE - he doesn’t really have a favorite, but oldboy (the original one) was pretty interesting. FAVOURITE GAME - he plays sudoku on his phone.

LAYER EIGHT : AGE

DAY YOUR NEXT BIRTHDAY WILL BE - december 18, 2019! save the date. HOW OLD WILL YOU BE - 49! he’s old. AGE YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY - 15. DOES AGE MATTER - yes.

LAYER NINE : IN A PERSON

BEST PERSONALITY - assertive people, people who take no shit from anyone, with good senses of humor. BEST EYE COLOUR - he doesn’t care. BEST HAIR COLOUR - doesn’t care. BEST THING TO DO WITH A PARTNER - sex, obviously. but he’s taken to enjoying eating with others.

LAYER TEN : FI NISH THE SENTENCE

I LOVE - … “cael.” I FEEL - … “sleepy.” I HIDE - …“nothing.” I MISS - …“no one.” I WISH - …“i’d gone about some things differently.” this is the most sincere he’ll ever be.

#* charles.#misc.

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rilenerocks · 5 years

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Every time I travel by car, by train or by air, I always feel like I’m in a time capsule. I’ve always thought about how strange it is to go into a mobilized enclosed space, stay there for varying periods of time and then emerge, still yourself, into a completely different place. Maybe it’s more of a space capsule than a time capsule. I can’t quite decide. Hours definitely tick away while you’re packed in your container. Little change happens inside, especially if you’re responsible for getting yourself where you’re going which is what car travel is like, particularly when you go alone. There are few distractions, no chores or tasks other than the driving itself.

Revery usually occurs in my head when I’m driving between the place where I came from until I arrive at the place where I’m going. Sometimes though, it’s stranger than revery. Despite the speed of travel and the need to focus on the road, I turn on music for a little company. Generally it’s my own music, pre-selected playlists with my favorite artists, sometimes accompanied by AI additions chosen based on my musical taste.

Things get both comfy and evocative inside my rolling container. And there are numerous moments when I feel like I’m not really in my current self, but back in other spaces that the music has released from the storage space of my memory. Last week I took a seven hour drive to visit a dear friend whose time with me goes back 50 years. As I rumbled along, thinking about all we knew about each other and how much of our seminal adult life we’d shared, I didn’t feel like I was doing the rote steering and braking and reading signs, following directions. I felt almost out of my body, back in the vivid memories which are so much a part of how my brain works. I don’t just think my memories. I see them, smell them and touch them. The sensory experience feels alive to me. I talked about this with my friend when I arrived at her home. She told me that she experienced memories in a more one-dimensional way and that one of the things that she thought most about what made me unique to her was that my pain, my joy and my memory were so powerful. And she said she was interested in the fact that I could transcend the emotion of them and use my intellect to override some of the more emotional aspects of those experiences. I appreciated her insight. The truth is that during my long drive to see her, I caught myself feeling that I’d been hallucinating events from long ago, in a good way as opposed to a scary way. I know something about hallucinations.

Back in my youthful days of drug experimentation, I approached the supposed cosmic experiences that people claimed they had with hallucinogens from a skeptical point of view. All around me, people were talking about how if you tried this drug or that drug, you would raise your consciousness or alter it, possibly forever. I never really believed that. Although I wasn’t as knowledgeable about the human body back then as I am today, I figured that whatever happened was just some chemical reaction and that you were who were no matter what drugs you did. Of course there were people who developed habits that were toxic and life-altering. Life damaging is perhaps a better description. Some made it back from those dark places and others didn’t. Other people had few if any side effects from what they ingested. I always believed that a real change in your consciousness was a deliberate intellectual process and I approached drug experimentation in that way.

The first time I decided to try LSD or more commonly, acid, I was armed with a yellow legal pad and a pen as I intended to record everything I was experiencing, using my mind to transcend the drug. I still have the sheet of paper I wrote that first time. It started out pretty clearly but it was obvious that staying focused was going to be tough considering the physiological effects happening in my brain and body. The one line I remember the most from that long night was that all that was happening to me was an exaggerated reality. Nothing was otherworldly. Everything was based on real life. I was, however, quite taken with the hallucinations that came along with tripping.

In my case, sizes and textures were visibly altered and I loved watching things move around in unusual ways. I guess it felt most like Alice going down the rabbit hole.

I remember watching my blue jeans swirl around in a paisley-like wiggly way and being enamored of the patterns. I could barely contain my laughter as I tried buying something, all the while watching my dollar grow and grow until it looked a giant bag. When I listened to music I was convinced I was hearing every instrument individually and simultaneously. For the most part, I had a lot of fun when I did those trips but they took a long time to do and a long time to recover from. And nothing really was any different when they were over. I was still just me. So that was a short-lived period in time.

But my memory hallucinations are a whole other matter. As I drove along, I was suddenly back in the kitchen in Michael’s apartment in 1971. By that time he and I had become the best of friends and although we were each involved with other people, we spent a lot of time together. We were standing side by side at the kitchen sink, washing and drying dishes and laughing at some story or other. He who so much taller than me, bent down on my right side to give me an affectionate kiss on my cheek. But I’d suddenly turned my head so his mouth landed on the corner of mine. And trite as though it may sound, I literally felt electricity course through my body. It was stunning because until that instant, I hadn’t given a moment’s thought to him as anyone other than a friend. I’m surprised I didn’t fall over.

That was an altering moment in my life. And as I zoomed along to Iowa, I was in that memory, from its start to its finish, feeling the same powerful surge in body that I felt then. So what’s up with that? Is it a flashback? Where’s the science behind it? I think there must be some but I have no idea what it might be, as I’ve tried as hard as I can to think how that could happen. And it wasn’t the only incident like that which happened during that car ride. The Beatles’ Sergeant Pepper album came on and I was standing in our family apartment at 2019 East 81st Street in Chicago.

I was waiting for Danny, the boy who I had a mad crush on, who told me he was bringing me a present. The year was 1967 and I’d turned 16 in May. The album was released a week later and I remember my joy, both at having it and having it come from him. I was feeling the quick hug he gave and literally staring down at the album jacket in my hands.

All the while I’m barreling down I-80, Iowa-bound. I had a lot of other moments like these on this journey. I’ve talked with my son-in-law who’s a chemistry professor about what may make someone like me have these odd moments that feel so alive in real time even though they’re long gone.

He talked about the evidence that now supports the idea of wavelengths being real and verifiable. He suggests that we still lack the technology that might answer questions like mine about memory, and others such as why people view certain events as examples of ESP. Maybe there just too much we don’t understand about how the brain works. All I know is that my mind is open to some of the off the beaten path experiences I feel. For example, I think I must emit some pheromone that helps induce sleeping in people. When someone rests against me for awhile, invariably that person will pass out. I come in very handy for crying, irritable babies. My kids nicknamed me “novocaine” for making their little ones numb out from their discomforts and just fall into deep sleep. It works on adults too.

I like my hallucinations. The good news is that they never are reflective of negative memories. I remember those more in black and white and in a cerebral way. Maybe that’s my brain’s way of protecting me. Otherwise, life could be too overwhelming. I don’t expect I’ll live long enough to ever have the answers I long for. But as the song goes, what a long, strange trip it’s been.

Hallucinations from a Time Capsule Every time I travel by car, by train or by air, I always feel like I’m in a time capsule.

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rilenerocks · 5 years

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In my case, sizes and textures were visibly altered and I loved watching things move around in unusual ways. I guess it felt most like Alice going down the rabbit hole.

Hallucinations from a Time Capsule Every time I travel by car, by train or by air, I always feel like I’m in a time capsule.

0 notes