#once i cried because my sims got married do not test me

[bwobgames]

Previous First

"... I have made a decision"

"Yeah?"

"You asked me before, remember? Of what I think about the law?"

"Yeah? You said something about fairness"

"I did.

Ángel you are not being fair, to me or yourself.

This place could keep us aging forever, yes.

But we won't be alive"

"Uh, you're using synonyms"

"I'm not

You know why Coli died?"

"Because we pushed him out the window?"

"Well, I pushed him out the window, not us..."

"He was already dead

He was so blinded by the fear of running out of time that he didn't realize all of what he had accomplished during that time. Never taking a second to enjoy it"

"He lived in fear of the clock"

"And now, look at us, look at how far we've made it! All the things we've accomplished! We've survived all these years with no supernatural help!

We are alive! We are living!"

"I understand not wanting to die. believe me, I don't want to go through it again

But what's the point of aging forever if we are trapped here, unable to enjoy everything life has for us?

I'd rather live a short and happy life than an endless stagnant one"

"I mean, C'mon, A man like you, daring and full energy, trapped in this coffin of a house? It's unfair"

"I promised that I'd save you from this place. And I will"

"I can't tell you what will happen tomorrow, or the day after or the day after"

"But I want to find out with you"

"Even if the sky breaks tomorrow, and all stars fall to the earth

If I have you by my side, then it will all be worth it"

"... Aren't you scared? Of running out of time?"

" Yeah, of course.

That's why I want to enjoy it, to use the little time we have here to be happy.

To love my family, my friends, my pet, places, food, Tv shows, everything!

That's what it is all about, Ángel. Can't you see it?"

"I want you to come home with me"

"I want to share the time I have on this earth with you

If it's with you, I can face anything"

"But what about everything that happened? Don't you want to forget it?"

"Well, I certainly don't enjoy the memory of being stabbed

But I really enjoy the memories of you"

"Even if they were bad?"

"That's just how it is, isn't it? This isn't my first time in a deeply traumatic house.

If I could go and erase all the bad memories from my mind, I would be tempted to "

"But not at this cost. This whole night, it's too valuable for me now to forget it"

"Do you understand? I'll stay by your side."

"All the dangers, the uncertainties, the rock bottoms, the bad memories

We'll live through them, hand in hand"

"And we'll be okay"

"We'll see the sunrise"

"I'm sorry for not saving you"

"It was not your fault"

"I'm sorry for not being enough"

"That's just not true"

"...Please don't die again"

"I'll do my best."

"... Do you really want this? Me of all people?"

"Of course"

"We might fight, or have issues"

"So?"

"I want to see the chickens"

"There's duckies too"

"I'd like to see them"

"C'mon, dont you wanna steal something so I can pursue you through some roofs?"

"...Hah, you're even offering crime to cheer me up"

"You can get one crime, a gift from me"

"I'll steal a national treasure"

"I don't doubt it"

They stay like that for a while

"I know I won't automatically change his mind now, and we'll probably have to go through this conversation again.

But that's okay, it's going to be a slow walk out of this hole we've been put through

But we'll get out, mangled and scarred, but out

I can't wait to show him my cat

What is that smell?"

"OH FUCK THE FIRE"

"Wha- THE FIRE!!"

"Quick! Where's the room?!"

"Ah, here here, let's go"

"Why do we keep forgetting the fire?!"

"It's the fire's fault for not being more obvious"

[stinky-and-the-pain]

& then there was one

my parents finished renovating our house my freshman year of high school. i was 14 and finally had my own room...a place i didn’t have to share with my 11 year old brother or my 3 year old sister. i painted it green & a couple of months later painted a tree on one wall and filled the branches with lord of the rings quotes. it was my sanctuary. 

my grandma gifted me my first laptop around the same time. she won it in a company sweepstakes and gave it to me because she had one already. it was the coolest thing. we had a family computer in the office (nee playroom) that i had played both sims 2 and 3 on. but now i could take the sims to my room! 

amongst other things. 

i played skyrim religiously after my brother got bored of the xbox, as he was also gifted a playstation 4 along with GTA V. i also adored several creators on youtube, at that time a bastion of comedic skits and random tangential clips lasting no more than 6 minutes or so. i felt deeply invested in the community -- not so much with fellow audience members but with the youtubers themselves; as if these videos were a two-way conversation. shane dawson led to desandnate led to smosh led to kalel cullen led tobuscus led to pewdiepie led to cryaotic, etc., etc. they were great! 

forget the boy bands of the 90s and early 2000s....which youtuber did you want to date? SMASH + fuck, marry, kill in the back of the chilly and damp bus driving home from a scholastic bowl meet. my heart ached for these people. they appealed so deeply to me and i fell madly in love with them all. and i wasn’t alone; we all fell in love. 

i’m not sure how i found out about omegle. at a slumber party or birthday, someone pulled out their laptop & we could see and chat with strangers. live. no supervision. we were...14? 15? had to be 14 because i succinctly remember laughing a while later when i told a grown man i wasn’t 18 but actually 14 after he had finished for me. all while sitting in my new green bedroom. 

for the longest damn time i thought i had an extremely average adolescence. i was lauded as independent and mature, and took pride in that. maturity meant i was better but also inherently prepared for what life was throwing at me. plus independence meant that i could effectively do whatever i pleased. and to that extent, i never attended a party (though i did sneak over to a boy’s house when i said i was going to a friends’ but that was later figured out and actually excused) but i pursued other exploits. 

another piece of the puzzle is that youtube around 2010 appealed to people exactly my age. and was simultaneously extremely sexual. the mass cancellation of shane dawson is ultimately rooted in his behavior around this time. and this behavior was broadcast to us, 12-14 years old, which signaled to us what could be deemed appropriate. queue me believing that men around the ages of 19-25 could find me, a barely there 14 year old, attractive. and boy did i run with that. 

i spent immeasurable time on omegle. it was thrilling, especially when men’s faces would light up as my video appeared. “finally, a real person and not just a dick!” i remember one, zach herzog (sp?). he was so kind, introducing me to imgur which rounded out my early internet diet. he had a girlfriend but at one point admitted to me that she was not as pretty as i was. we would message on kik for hours. he graduated college a year after we met (my junior year of high school). jake was around that time too. but honestly jake was special in that we met through omegle chat (no video). and we actually chatted for about 3 years, at one time making sure to watch the weekly game of thrones episode (freshly downloaded off pirate bay) together and discussing what went down afterwards. after we skyped with video on, we slowly stopped communicating. 

another, stephen i believe. he was from the UK and i only remember that because of his accent and that i had him say my (fake) name multiple times. i never once used my real name nor talked aloud to these men. always text. but does that matter? over skype, he would send videos of himself jacking off...which would have been pleasant save for the fact he liked smacking his penis near the end and i couldn’t take that seriously. 

the first man i reciprocated for -- that is, i obliged requests to show parts of my body -- was sam. i don’t remember anything too striking about him save he did his business to me while we were still on omegle (only strange because the fashion then was to move to somewhere more ‘private’ and stable like kik or skype) and then promptly ghosted me. somewhere in my hs junior year planner, there are notes to sam asking him if he would ever come back. 

then senior year. so stressed with college applications (i applied to one school) i spent most of my time in my bedroom alone, indulging in a healthy diet of top gear and youtube, by this point dominated by cryaotic and pewdiepie. but i always had time for my dear favorite, capndesdes (of desandnate fame who later made his own solo channel where he published several q&a’s and apartment vlogs). october 2013 and i was wearing his blue ‘crescent moon face’ shirt (referencing the photo booth video). i met Anthony, Mike, and David on omegle. i immediately picked out Anthony and sure enough he was interested. him being in a group, i knew we wouldn’t be doing anything that night but the video chat was fun. the connection even died at one point but we got back in contact as i had shared my twitter (and my real name, though for months he believed my fake name was my middle name because i felt bad telling the truth). i guess i should’ve known this time was different when he insisted on skying the next morning before i went to work. i felt embarrassed for how i looked but he said i looked beautiful. and was so earnest i had to believe him. 

we skyped everyday. every day. essentially right as i got home from school because that’s conveniently when he got off work. oh and i eventually had to admit that my microphone was not in fact broken. we played minecraft and gta on the xbox. he said he planned to visit me one day. but that’s absurd, right? i would laugh and say ‘you’re too much.’

he visited november 9 2013. drove all the way up. i was at my friend’s birthday party. we had just woken up and he revealed he was in our town. i gave him directions to the park so we could meet. i remember running to him from my car, friends sitting in the back seat. we walked about two miles around the park, chatting. he was even more beautiful in person. the sight of the freckles on his nose are still so vivid. even after all these years remembering, my naiveté still strikes me. a day later, he asked me to be my girlfriend as we walked to his car after dinner. i said yes, that i would do him the honor of making him the happiest man on earth. a day later, he took (but i also gave) away my virginity. he met my friends and then we said goodbye on a rainy and cold afternoon. i still sometimes smell the sweet mustiness of that room. 

a handful of memories that are still striking after 7 years:

washing the strawberry lube off myself in my parent’s bathroom, praying they did not ask why i had spent the last 5 afternoons and evenings staying so late at a friend’s house; forcing myself to connect to Lorde’s music after he said he enjoyed her first album; saying that thin mints were my favorite after he admitted to buying too many; taking my adventure time backpack to the hotel room and filling out my cheatsheet for my physics test the next day while he watched and eventually rolled me over to kiss me; feeling too insecure to lead him around town so instead opted to stay silent as he chose what to have for dinner; eating at my favorite local mexican restaurant after losing my virginity; showing my friends the pictures we had taken in the hotel room and them losing their minds. 

after he left, i was devastated. and essentially remained devastated for the next 7 months. i cried the morning after he left, while driving to work and listening to ribs. 

there’ll be more, when i have strength. 

[dramallamadingdang]

Wee-plies.

Or, not-so-wee-plies, as the case may be, because, you know, me. *eye roll*

First of all, thank you to those who wished me a happy birthday in comments as well as to @kairisu and some anons in my ask box! It was a quiet day -- we’re celebrating both our birthdays this year with a cruise in August -- but it was a nice day, so we took the horses out riding in the morning. Then I got the usual phone call from my bro with the usual razzing about being older than him again. (We’re only 10 months apart in age, so for about seven weeks out of the year, we’re the same age.) I talked to all three offspring I birthed and to their SOs/kids, too, where applicable, so it was nice. :) Oh, and I yakked with my mother-in-law for an hour, but we do that quite often, anyway. She’s only a few years older than me -- the perils of having a younger husband. ;) -- so she’s more a buddy than a mother-in-law. :) (She called to tell me she’s sending me birthday tamales, yum!)

BUT ANYWAY! These are for @katatty, @didilysims, @alawren4ever, @catnip-sims, @deedledops, @criquette-was-here, @penig, @tamtam-go92, and @immerso-sims...

katatty-main replied to your photo “iCad Does Urban Planning. AKA: iCad Is Nuts.  Buuuuuut, on the plus...”

oh, i love seeing this sort of thing! always gives me a ton of inspiration :)

Yeah, me, too. So, that’s pretty much why I shared the image, to maybe give other people some ideas AND in the hopes that they’ll share those idea in turn. I kinda love how Simmers feed off of each other that way. :)

didilysims replied to your photoset “This morning, because my hand needed a break from painting hair...”

Ugh that stupid disappearing Maxis bridge. I thought your monorail bridge looked kind of cool, honestly. :)

The monorail bridge is growing on me. It works best on that particular suspension bridge, though, because then the train doesn’t smash through the girders. :) Can’t really say the same for the others, but we just ignore that on the other side of town. *cough* In any case, though, it IS better than the endless monotrail track magically hovering over water, so there’s that. :)

That being said, I HAVE crossed bridges that were shared by road and train traffic where the train tracks ran above or, more often, to the side of the road-deck. Which probably isn’t often the case since trains and vehicles don’t often share road/track beds like that and most often railroad bridges were built before large, modern bridges for automobiles, but it’s not TOTALLY unrealistic. 

And yeah, I totally hate the stupid Maxis bridge. One, it doesn’t always fit in with the look I want for a neighborhood. It’s often too modern or not-modern/urban enough. Two, it isn’t visible from lots, which often looks stupid. Three, you can’t get rid of the damn thing other than by “sinking” it below the terrain in SimPE. And then four, after you sink it, you still can’t modify the terrain around where it was, so it might not be suitable for a replacement deco-bridge and....ARRRGH! Hate it hate it hate it.

didilysims replied to your post “Why do I keep doing this to myself?”

The curse of this open game!

IKNOWRITE??? It’s hell playing this game. HELL, I TELL YOU! :)

alawren4ever replied to your photoset “So yesterday, I posted about this fire hydrant object that randomly...”

Very cool that you can control the level of traffic by the number of hydrants!

It IS cool. And I didn’t find out that it can work that way until I accidentally had more than one on a lot when I was trying to figure out why the remeshed one I made was invisible. SERENDIPITY! :D

But it makes sense, I guess, because the “calls” it puts out to summon a vehicle seem to be randomly timed, not at regular intervals. So, if you get a bunch of them on a lot, each putting out calls at random times, rather than all at the same time in the same time intervals, it makes sense that the traffic level would increase with the number of objects on the lot. I shoulda thought of that sooner, really.

didilysims replied to your post “Info and testing things RE: the number of visitors that show up at...”

Ooh I've never see that mod to up the lot visitors before. I'll have to give it a try. Thanks for sharing!

It works pretty well, although it does have its pitfalls. The obvious one is that you might have to experiment a bit to see what “level” your machine can handle without the game lagging on you. The other is if you play community lots of widely variable size. Like, if you put in the mod that ups the visitors to, say, 25, that’ll be fine on a big community lot if your machine can handle it, but not so fine if you have any that have a “1″ in the size dimensions, where you’ll end up with an overcrowded lot full of stomping, complaining Sims who can’t move. :) 

I kinda wish there was a customer/visitor-number adjuster that could be used on ALL lots, not just owned ones........Although maybe that object can be used on regular community lots. OOOOH EXPERIMENT FOR SCIENCE!

catnip-sims replied to your photoset “This morning, because my hand needed a break from painting hair...”

I like parking filler lots too! I recently came up with a 1x3 lot with just a bunch of bushes along the street & a big "YOUR AD HERE" banner, lol. It looks nice from the neighborhood view :D

THAT IS A GREAT IDEA I THINK I WILL STEAL IT THANK YOU! :) Except now I need to make banners. *growl* And maybe billboards, hmmm....

deedledops replied to your post “Why do I keep doing this to myself?”

This, but a whole neighborhood tailored to each specific thing with a special downloads folder I can switch out for each theme. But I know if I did it I'd want all the Sims to know each other next

Yeah, “ whole neighborhood tailored to each specific thing with a special downloads folder“ is kind of how I play in general. :) Only I use separate user accounts on my computer, each with its own Documents/Sims 2 folder tailored specifically for it because I don’t trust myself to put in the right folder before I load up the neighborhood I want to play. (Did that once with the wrong neighborhood deco loaded, and POOF! All the painstakingly-placed neighborhood deco in that neighborhood was gone. NEVER AGAIN!

But yeah, how I play is pretty much this: Step 1: Come up with idea/theme. Usually, this happens like a bolt out of the blue, things just blooming fully-formed in my head, just like how story ideas happened to me back in my fanfic-writing days, so it must be how my brain works. Whatever the case, it’s very jarring. Step 2: Create an unnecessarily complex rule set for playing out the idea/theme. Step 3: Create a complex spreadsheet to use to keep track of the neighborhood. Step 4: Build a neighborhood around the idea/theme.  Step 5: Play the neighborhood. 

Currently, I have some neighborhoods that are at each step of the above process. :) Often, steps 2 and 3 happen concurrently, and sometimes steps 4 and 5 happen at the same time, all BACC-like. But not always!

criquette-was-here replied to your post “Why do I keep doing this to myself?”

@dramallamadingdang ***laughs for a second and then cries thinking of road and terrain DR project*** I feel your pain,lol! @immerso-sims you actually can (I'm on mac) ***cries even harder***

*laugh* Yeah, this is probably a pain that all serious simmers feel at least once in a while. For some of us, though, it’s more like a constant thing. Chronic pain. *sigh* :) So then you’ve got all these ideas but not the time or stamina to work on/finish them all.

penig replied to your post “Why do I keep doing this to myself?”

Alternate between play and projects. You'll get Better Ideas as you play anyhow. Also, projects are play if you choose to do them.

Yeah, that’s pretty much how I do things, in general. It’s just that sometimes my brain/imagination is particularly fertile, and I get lots of big ideas that require big projects all at once, and it all gets a little overwhelming sometimes. It’d be nice if the brain kind of spread out the big ideas a little more....

tamtam-go92 replied to your photo “Let’s call this a “Cool CC That I Think Everyone Ought to Have” Post....”

THIS is just amazing!!! #things you didn't know you need until you see them

Right? I was surprised (but also kind of not-surprised, because it is a really old object) that more people didn’t know about that thing. I only learned about it a while back because of a stray post in the MTS forums that mentioned it, and fortunately that was at a time when the Graveyard was working reliably. I don’t often bother using it in less-densely-populated neighborhoods, but it does add a nice touch when playing downtowns.

immerso-sims replied to your photoset “I needed a bit of a break from hair retexturing and alpha-painting and...”

Looks great and I really like the idea. Looking forward to following the challenge :)

I’m not sure I’m going to document it, unfortunately. When I first play one of these ideas I get in my head, I like to see if it’ll actually work the way I think it’s going to, first. So, the initial playing is more like a dry run, where I’m still experimenting and coming up with new ideas and tweaking the rules and such. I have played the first batch of “runaways” through three seasons, and three of them have “escaped” from the vacant lot into better housing, one of them skipping the “livin’ in the slums” stage entirely because she married someone who came with a ton of skill points, whose LTW career came up in the newspaper right away, and who got a bunch of job promotions one right after the other. I haven’t decided yet if it was all too easy! *laugh* I should probably take out the “no friends needed for promotions” mod when playing this, now that I think about it. And maybe I shouldn’t even allow marriage when they’re still homeless -- because who wants to marry into that?! -- but she got “risky woohoo” pregnant on a date, and.... Well, anyway, I plan to play these initial four for a while, and once I have them all established so that I know everything works, I’m going to add a new group of “runaways” for a less-dry run, and perhaps I’ll document them. 

Anyway, I might post some highlight pics from this first batch of runaways, and maybe I’ll write up the rules once I know they work. I mean, you don’t HAVE to build an elaborate downtown to play this way or anything. It can be just a mini-challenge that you play within something else...although longer lifespans kinda help with this, at least with the rules I’m using. Anyway, the downtown’s just something I’m doing because I want to, and it seems to go along well with this rule set idea.

[shystoryrebel]

LOST WITH THE WAVES

(1)

It happens only with dreamy Indians. Children are the happy dreams of their parents. To fulfill their dreams, I had obtained B.Tech., degree in Computer Engineering, from I.I.T... After B.Tech. I acquired masters’ degree in Management from I.I.M... After working for few years in India, like any other Indian, I joined a multinational company in USA.

America is now treated as a dream country especially in India. It is the cherished dream of every Indian to touch the soil of that dreamy land, the land of braves, patriots and vast opportunities. Americans are born with three Ts in their mind; TRY---for better future; TRUE---To your nation, religion and work; TRUST---in God and self. So in my case also that long cherished dream had come true. My parents were very happy on this achievement.

Every entry point has an exit point, so I resolved to make my exit from my dear motherland to enter into the land of dreams as a wonderful experience, with lots of joys and graceful achievements. Here at last I reached a place where I truly deserved and where my merit and talent has got respect. Here I saw a beautiful world, waiting for me. I decided to walk with an aim. Bubbling with happiness and confidence I planned to stay in this country for about five years in which time I hoped to earn enough money to settle down

comfortably back home in India.

We belong to a Brahman priestly family. But my father did not have any interest in our traditional profession because in our country it was almost a

(2)

secular and intellectual fashion to abuse and curse Brahmans and Brahman priests. In some states like Jammu & Kashmir and Tamilnadu, Brahmans are treated worse than slaves and animals. He generally used to recite this poem;

BRAND NAME

God send me on the earth, an innocent being,

Untouched by the black and white doing,

But the world branded me as a Brahmin,

And a curse fallen on this urchin,

A child of lesser God,

The entire honor was forbidden to this pod.

Education, help, livelihood;

All was snatched by Robin Hood,

Some branded it as social equality,

But it was state cruelty,

Others’ called it secular passion,

But it was ugly repression,

All the isms kill human rights,

They are the Janus face of racial might.

As a result of this scenario my father preferred to be a teacher. As honesty, hard work, patriotism and Sanskars were in his blood which he inherited from his parents. He could not do much for his family and his economic condition remained grim through out his life. Only after his retirement he could purchase an ordinary one bedroom flat in a slum type locality. More over he had to pay hefty bribe to government babus to get his day today work done in government offices. Even still he has to pay bribe to get his PF and other dues cleared and get his monthly pension from the same department which he served for thirty five years. But ambitions could not touch him. He believed in,” When nails are growing, we cut nails, when ambition is growing; we cut ambition but maintains relations and character.

I wanted to do much more than my nationalist father. I wanted to earn and earn like secular leaders of the country. But in AmericaI could not adjust comfortably and started homesick and lonely as the time passed. My patriotism and love to my roots always troubled me there on the foreign soil. Moreover in America, Indians were not treated respectfully. As upper castes Hindus are insulted and abused in India, in the same manner Indians are treated in America as a community who are there only to mint fast bucks only,

come what way. There too I saw each heart had pain, only the way of

expressions were different; some hide it in tears in their eyes while others’ hide it behind their beguiling smile.

(3)

I used to call my parents almost once a week using low cost international phone sim cards. In this manner three years passed and my contract with my employer was over but my employer extended my contract for another three

years as in Americaperson is recognized by merit, talent and work where as in India quota castes, minority religion, language and region are recognized and not the merit, talent and work.

Another one year passed on burgers, pizzas, chowmin, potato chilies etc... Years and months passed, watching foreign currency rates and getting happier whenever the value of Indian rupee went down. One thing I learnt from Americans that getting upset would not help. Always getting up, to set the things right.

The problem of marriage always was a big issue for my aging parents. Finally I decided to get married and gave nod and told my parents that I had

only ten days of holidays and everything must have to be settled down within these ten, very important ten days of my life. I got my ticket booked to Indiain the cheapest economic class. I was on seventh cloud and was actually trying to purchase gifts from the cheap duty free shops, for all my relatives and friends back home. If I fail to do follow this custom, there will be talks because in India it is believed, if one is in America, he must be rolling in money. Right from the babu at the airport to the dancing terror eunuchs, this great Indialoot is a part of life.

After reaching India, I spent some time at home with my parents. All the time we all were involved scanning photographs of girls and as the time was very short I was almost forced to select a girl as my future life partner. Bride’s side was in much more hurry as they did not want to let out this America settled son-in-law. They told that I had to get married within three-four days. After the marriage, my departure time to U.S.A.was very close. After giving some money to my parents I again had to leave Indiaand requesting my relatives and neighbor friends to look after my parents. We both returned to U.S.A.

In the beginning my wife was very happy in America and she enjoyed her stay here. But after some time she started feeling lonely. Her frequency of calling her parents, back home in Indiaincreased and sometimes almost everyday. As a result of her extravagant nature my savings started vanishing rapidly. I tried to get some job for her but I failed and could not arrange a job for her. She used to receive wise upbraiding from her parents especially from

her mother every day. In my case it was very true, “If the first button of your shirt is wrongly stitched, all the rest will definitely be crooked. So always be careful on your first step, success will automatically follow you”.

(4)

Although she was Ph.D from Gazab Singh University, India, but to my horror I came to know that she was not capable even to write a letter. All her degrees were almost manipulated through corrupt methods. Her father was a judge and her mother was a professor in Gazab Singh University, India. She boosts of guiding forty five, Ph.D.s to her credit, through lifting, scissoring and pasting methods. This university was notoriously famous for selling fake degrees.

In this way two more years passed, and we were blessed with two lovely kids, a daughter Ganga and a son Brahmputra. Every time I rung to my parents, they asked me to come to Indiaso that they could see their grand children before their eyes are closed for ever. But work pressure coupled with difficult monetary conditions, I could not visit India. Months and years passed and visiting India to see my aging parents was a distant dream.

Then one day at around mid-night, my phone rang and I got a message that my father was seriously ill. I tried to get leaves but failed to get the leaves sanctioned, to go to India. The next message I got was the death of my father. As there was no one to perform the last rites, the close relatives helped by the neighbors performed the last rites.

The death of my father shattered me and I was badly depressed. My father passed away without had a glimpse of his grand children.

One day he came to me to meet me in my dream and cried at me:

MY FATHER AND THE CURSE OF MY NATION

I

I heard my heavenly father, last night,

What is your dear nation’s curse? Write

And throw it beyond Himalayas, high,

I trembled, collecting my father’s sigh.

I can’t do, my dear father!

There are many curse but ask my brother.

I am pressed by love and patriotism.

The voice shouted to shun hypnotism.

My father’s word in mind,

Generated radiant and vigor in side.

(5)

II

Tender little hands of children begging in streets,

Brutal and intoxicated fathers musing in fleets.

Donors giving through misty doors,

This is unknown to fair floors.

For right of freedom, this crowns,

The rogues as lords in Parliament frown.

Tears in eyes, I cried, patriotism means,

Self interest, corruption and rotten dreams.

As honest and intelligent have lost their claim,

Corrupt touching glory and nation in drain.

III

Secular cry breeding fanatic name,

Social justice prospering caste chain,

Tainted rulers dance while enemy conspire,

Brave soldiers are fried on crying pyre,

Jihadi killers dance while innocent cry,

Bloody red hidden in white to rob every pie,

Alter decorated with anarchic laws,

To strangulate the weak and just with claws,

There my father cried in terse,

Shall thou write my nation’s curse?

IV

Now modern women have only know,

To cheat hearts with tears false below

And swap bed every day and night,

Every right is wrong and wrong right.

Framed racial and communal laws,

To bestow trump powers to our foes,

Here wise man choose to silence,

And fools throw tantrums on their glance,

Where unmerited groups laugh at your gate,

Merit is scorned and measured without weight.

V

As you turn your body to side,

Met with foul tradition and conscience tide,

Power shines with mirth deadlier best,

All this I wrote to mourn the test.

This is the curse, open to all to read,

Go with ill doers, my father cried

And furl your flag with sick brewers,

Now cannot be changed a new,

Six decades of ill governance,

Has dried and sucked all fragrance.

(6)

VI

With heart sinking and tears in eyes,

Death can change this entire fry,

Otherwise rot will go on,

With all my blessings to you to worn,

Saddened to leave you alone here,

As I cannot be no more with you there,

Left crying in a cruel winter evening,

Twenty years have passed by mourning,

His sudden march to the kingdom of death,

Left we orphaned as a traveler without sheath.

VII

That mighty soul, sober, cool and austere,

Must be shining in some unknown sphere,

Enjoyed his shadow as wise banyan keeps boughs under,

Here he was to beat the storms and not to flounder,

Helping and guiding the masses in need,

With a happy and honest hand indeed,

True servant of Almighty in this world wild,

Goddess Saraswati seated on tongue with message mild,

Such souls loved and needed in ages all abound,

Pray to Master to reincarnate him again around.

Three, four years passed. I decided to return to Indiaand to settle down there. This decision was not appreciated by my children but my wife was very happy on this decision. I started to look for a good and affordable property. But now here Dr. Man Mohan Singh was the Prime Minister and to my shock my savings and pocket were much short and the price of property gone up very high during all these years. I had to again return to the USA.

But this time my wife was very intelligently tutored by her mother. She was not ready to come back to USAwith me nor was ready to live with my aged mother. On the other hand I and my children were not ready to live in India under these circumstances. I, with my two children returned to USA after promising my mother and wife to come back within three years. Every thing about our future was uncertain but God has arranged every thing for our tomorrow. You just have to trust Him. He grants us the power to accept things you cannot change.

Time passed by and my daughter decided to get married to an American on her own. Neither due to financial constrains, my wife nor could my mother join us to bless our daughter. My son was happy living in USA because he was very comfortable with American life style. Suddenly I received the news of the death of my mother due to heart failure.

(7)

Now I was fed up with this type of life. It was enough and decided to wound up every thing and returned to India. Relationship is like fragrance, you can never touch it but you feel it. Now I had just enough money to buy a decent three room flat in a posh colony in India.

With this vagabond type of life I became sixty years old. Beaten from all sides I became highly religious and a regular visitor to the near by temple. My faithful wife was still living with her parents. She was not ready to leave me nor was ready to leave her parents. I was a cash card to her and her family. As her father was a judge he knew the hazards of filing and settling divorce cases. So my wife was happy living as a married lady but her parents’ daughter, financing her rogue brother by the money I used to send

her as a peace package. She was like Stephen Blackpool’s wife in Charles Dickens’ Hard Times:

TRUANT DAUGHTER IN LAW

Always play truant and abhors all in laws,

A knotty bride, slamming doors,

A perverse father’s tricky daughter,

Floats in muddy and shallow water.

Guided and guarded by,

Inhuman Taliban laws,

Branding man’s race,

As savage and subhuman.

Men in khaki and gown black,

Are suitors dear?

But never gave respect to,

Her elder in laws.

Rude and twisted to caring in laws,

Direct from honeymoon cracked

Whips on these helpless fellows.

At school her report card noted as spoiled child.

Decked and jacked in false glitters,

Children she mothered,

Narrate tales awful and deadly,

Never taught children with milky hymns.

Children never impressed by her dear mother,

But never learnt to slam the door.

Her funeral was performed sacredly,

Mentioned her virtues in tone false.

(8)

But all and sundry present there,

Dwelled her vices in hushed detail,

She was a bandit queen,

In garb of bridal make up.

Again another mishap happened in my life. Papa’s daughter, but my faithful wife also left me high and dry and gone to the last abode from where no body returns. Now I started wondering the meaning of life. Is it worth all this? My father, even after staying in this country as a poor teacher, had a house to his name but he never was alone. I too have the same, nothing more. But I have lost every thing, my parents, my wife, my children, my mental peace and near and dear ones. Life is like onion which has many layers of relationships. If you do not cut it adds taste to life but if you cut it, you will get tears only.

Looking out from the balcony I see a lot of boys and girls riding on bikes and dancing. This modernization and liberty has spoiled our new generation and these children have no values in life. I get occasional greeting cards from my children on different days. I wanted to cry, I wanted to hug some one dear, but no dear ones were around. You cannot hug yourself, you cannot cry on your own shoulder; perhaps life is all about for living others. So live with those who love you, not with those whom you love. World’s happiest relations never have the same nature. They just have the best understanding of their difference, which we missed in our life.

Now perhaps I will also die and my neighbors again will be performing my last rites. God bless them. At least this one thing is still there that at least last rites are performed with full honors. But again the question remained unanswered, is life all this worth? A failed son, who could not serve his parents, when they need him most, a failed husband, who could not be with his wife, a failed father, who could not continue the legacy of a family…and a failed Indian who could not serve his nation. Whatever life throws at us: it will be easier to comfort if we feel loved.

My children and the grand children will not realize this pain and pain of losing my culture for ever and for ever-----is it really worth so many souls alienated. On a one fateful morning I was reading the divine Bhagavad Gita. My phone rang. From the other side I was overwhelmed to listen the sweet voice of my dear son, hello papa, can you give me an appointment to bless your grand child, mothered by a close friend of mine, means born out of wed lock.

Shocked, I sank into the chair on which my father used to sit and teach. Slowly and slowly darkness gripped me, perhaps I shall never be able to give an appointment to bless my grand child and its mother. But my question remained unanswered; was life worth this? With this I lost somewhere and sagged down.

📷

etad yonīni bhūtāni sarvānī’ty upadhāraya

aham krtsnasya jagatab prabhavah pralayas tathā

Know that all beings have their birth in this. I am the origin of all in this world and its dissolution as well. All things are dissolved in me.

(The Bhagavad Gita, Ch.VII. Sl.-6 (Trans.))

[edgelord-zuuko]

hi, FOR THE ASK MEME: 1, 2, 3, 6, 9, 13, 14, 16, 17, 19, 20, 22, 24, 27, 28, 30, 32, 40, 41, 48, 55, 56, 58, 60, 77, 84, 87, 95, 97 and 100(THIS TIME IT WASN'T EVEN HALF OF THEM!)

The meaning behind my url: because I get called an edge lord and its a pun on fire lord zuko

A picture of me: Tis I

How many tattoos i have and what they are: I have 10 

Last time i cried and why: Yesterday because my mental health is in the shitter and fanfic

Piercings i have: none anymore but i used to have my bellybutton and my lip

Favorite band: Iron Maiden

Biggest turn offs: Bigotry

Top 5 bands: excluding the above mentioned there is Disturbed, Avenged Sevenfold, Boston, Kansas, Blue Oyster Cult

Tattoos i want: So many but my next will be a quote that says I Fear Everything, I Fear Nothing

Biggest turn ons: Bondage, Lip biting

Age: 21

Ideas of a perfect date: Books and picnics or museums

Life goal: be balanced

Piercings i want: I want my lip piercing back

Relationship status: very taken by Onyx

Favorite movie: Nightmare Before Christmas

A fact about my life: I’m adopted so I have 2 families

Phobia: dark and water

Middle name: Theo

Height: 62 in or 157.5 cm

Are you a virgin?  definitely gonna answer no to that not that it matters bc virginity is an idea

What’s your shoe size? between a 4us in kids to a 6.5us in Women’s

What’s your sexual orientation? Queer Ace

Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs? I drink and vape with nicotine and I’ve been high but do not partake regularly

Someone you miss: My best friend, Lucero

What’s one thing you regret? Self harming

First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive: Jason Momoa rn

Favorite ice cream? Cookie Dough

One insecurity: That I’m too mucb

What my last text message says: “It’s Nik”

Have you ever taken a picture naked? Yup. Have some on my cloud I think

Have you ever painted your room? Nope

Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex? Yes

Have you ever slept naked? Yes

Have you ever danced in front of your mirror? Loads of times

Have you ever had a crush? Oh many times

Have you ever been dumped? Only once, actually

Have you ever stole money from a friend? Nope

Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met? Yes indeed

Have you ever been in a fist fight? I swung at my sister once

Have you ever snuck out of your house? No but I snuck people in

Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? Oh definitely

Have you ever been arrested? Never

Have you ever made out with a stranger? Yeah

Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? This is vague, technically yeah

Have you ever left your house without telling your parents? Yeah, but I was an adult

Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor? No.

Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun? No bc I woulda had my ass whooped

Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Tons of times

Have you ever seen someone die? Yeah, I work in healthcare

Have you ever been on a plane? Yes

Have you ever kissed a picture? Once

Have you ever slept in until 3? Yeah

Have you ever love someone or miss someone right now? Yes

Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? It’s one of my favorite things to do

Have you ever made a snow angel? Never. I lived in San Diego

Have you ever played dress up? Still do. It’s called being a role player

Have you ever cheated while playing a game? The Sims

Have you ever been lonely? All the time

Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school? Once. I fell asleep once on shift.

Have you ever been to a club? No

Have you ever felt an earthquake? Yeah. So Cal

Have you ever touched a snake?  I literally owned one named Nagini

Have you ever ran a red light? I don’t drive

Have you ever been suspended from school? Nope

Have you ever had detention? Oh yeah, quite a few times

Have you ever been in a car accident? Yeah

Have you ever hated the way you look? There’s this thing called dysphoria

Have you ever witnessed a crime? Yeah.

Have you ever pole danced? Yep

Have you ever been lost? Yep

Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country? Just moved across country

Have you ever felt like dying? Yes

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? Yes

Have you ever sang karaoke? My sisters and i used to sing Hannah Montana karaoke at a Mexican restaurant

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? Oh yeah

Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? It was soda. It hurt

Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger? Nope

Have you ever kissed in the rain? yep. With my first boyfriend

Have you ever sang in the shower? all the time yo

Have you ever made out in a park? honey, I’ve done more than that in a park

Have you ever dream that you married someone? yeah

Have you ever glued your hand to something? to my polly pocket dollhouse

Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? no

Have you ever ever gone to school partially naked? no but ive gotten partially naked at school

Have you ever been a cheerleader? hahahahaha no im not nearly that athletic

Have you ever sat on a roof top? yes

Have you ever brush your teeth?yes

Have you ever ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? yes

Have you ever played chicken? yes

Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? yes

Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger? yes

Have you ever broken a bone? yes

Have you ever been easily amused? yes

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried? yes

Have you ever mooned/flashed someone?yes

Have you ever cheated on a test? no

Have you ever forgotten someone’s name? yes

Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real? yes

Give us one thing about you that no one knows. Jess thanks a lot. also if anyone wants me to elaborate on an answer, just send me an ask

[littledonkeyburrito]

My neighbours seeing me naked all the time

1. What gives you anxiety? Having to go do something new

2. Are you the type that’s too ashamed to ask for or use directions? Are you kidding me, I fucking love google maps

3. Were you tired when you woke up this morning? I was when I woke up at 11, but not after I went back to sleep and woke up again at 2pm.

4. When you watch the news, how does it effect your mood? Depends on the news, but it generally has a negative impact. That’s why I avoid watching it.

5. Have you ever taken an online IQ test? What was the result? I actually took a real IQ test once but I was 11 and didn’t know that’s the test I was taking. I think the results came back as the high end of average. When I was in grade 5 I was almost constantly fighting with my best friend at the time, Dylan. It was stressing me out so I asked my mum if I could talk to someone at the school for help so she set me up with one of the school counsellors, I think his name was something like Mr Zagini or Mr Zagami (I remember his two nicknames being Mr zucchini and Mr salami). Anyway, it was mostly stuff I already knew but I got to skip class sometimes for our sessions. I didn’t continue sessions with him in grade 6 (I don’t know why), but he came to me one time and was like “hey I want to do this series of tests with you, are you okay with that?” and I was like “yeah sure” so I did them. Just a bunch of little lateral thinking puzzles which I was well used to doing, due to having been part of the school’s “gifted and talented” program (the instructor of which committed suicide a few years later after the cops found out he was into child porn, but that’s a story for another time I guess) since I was 6 years old. I feel like if I took an IQ test these days I would probably come back as squarely average. I don’t feel that smart since I hit adulthood.

6. Have you ever had anything expensive stolen from you? There was that one time someone broke into my house and stole my potatoes.

7. Can you hear anything right now? A group of drunk people from the bars downstairs

8. Have you ever been to a wedding? A few family weddings, yeah. Next year I will be a groomsman for my friend/old flatmate.

9. What is your favourite kind of pasta? I prefer rice noodles tbh

10. Are you proud of who you are? Sometimes

11. Would you prefer an ice cream sundae or an ice cream cone? Sundae.

12. What time is it? 12:03am

13. Are you good at giving directions? If I have a map, or know where I am, yeah

14. Do you own any Sims games? Which ones? Sims 3, plus pets and supernatural expansions.

15. What is your favourite kind of fruit juice? Probably orange

16. Have you worn a necklace today? I haven’t worn a necklace in years

17. Do your parents smoke cigarettes? Unusually, neither of my parents ever got into smoking

18. What is the color of the curtains in the room you’re in right now? No curtains. I just deal with my neighbours seeing me naked all the time

19. How many instruments do you own/have you owned? Now I just have one guitar but over the years I’ve had 2 acoustic guitars, 2 electric guitars, 2 ukuleles, a bass guitar, a glockenspiel, a full size electric piano, an electric drum kit and an acoustic drum kit.

20. What does one of your T-shirts have written on it? "Netflix”

21. Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. Tarantula.

22. Who’s the fifth contact in your phonebook? My aunt

23. If you had to text them something now what would you say? I would say that I’m probably coming back to australia in january and that we should have a family gathering

24. Should you be in bed right now? I haven’t had a bedtime since I was like 13

25. Do you know anyone that has the same birthday? A sort-of-friend’s boyfriend who is also the ex of the girlfriend of one of my best friends. But he’s a year or two younger than me.

26. Would you prefer your partner smaller or taller? I’ve tried both and established that my preference is definitely taller.

27. Do you acknowledge your feelings or ignore them? Depends on the feeling but generally suppress, bottle and ignore.

28. When was the last time someone saw you naked? Back in panama. God, it’s been slow since I’ve been home

29. How would you describe your current mood? Is tipsy a mood?

30. When was the last time you did something you were embarrassed by? Whenever I last got very drunk probably

31. What was the last thing you lied about? I generally don’t like lying so the last time was probably when I was telling my travel group in central america that I had never slept with the tour guide.

32. Where is your favorite place to have sex? Uhh a bed I guess. Although that one time I fooled around in the back of a car was pretty fun too.

33. Do you ever drink or get high alone? I tried getting high alone once and that was no fun. Drunk, yes, like once a week.

34. What type of a drunk are you? Happy and fun

35. When was the last time you revealed your feelings for someone? Were they accepted or rejected? I generally don’t tell guys that I like them. Although tbh I generally don’t develop actual feeling for them so...

36. What was the reason behind your last visit to the hospital? I think that was when a friend had his appendix out and a group of us went to see him. The time before that was a fair bit more distressing though. 

36. What is the “worst” drug you’ve done? Are there any you will never try, or any you want to try? The worst is probably coke. I will never ever ever try meth or heroin. Those are just a baaaaad idea. Nothing that I specifically want to try.

37. When was the last time you were up all night and why? Up the whole night would have been my last night shift in australia. Although there’s been several times since then that I’ve been up until 3am or even sunrise on a night out.

38. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? I have absolutely no idea

39. Where did your last injury come from? Uhhh I think my last “injury” was about a month ago when I cut my thumb on a beer can. Hardly an injury though.

40. Where do you like to be kissed? Tbh I quite like being kissed on the neck

41. You have 5 minutes - grab 3 snacks from the grocery store. What are they? A bunch of mandarins, a pack of chips and a block of chocolate probably

42. Dancing, acting, and singing - which two are you best at? None of the above

43. Deep fried Oreos & deep fried pickles - would you try either? I’d try either at least once

44. Funny, charming, cute, romantic, smart - choose only 2 for a potential partner. Funny and cute I think.

45. Snow or sand? Soda or juice? Cake or cookies? Royalty or immortality? Snow, soda, cake, immortality.

46. Which is more important to you: make-up or hair? Hair.

47. What is one tradition that you and your family have? Do you enjoy it? Generally my brother and I spend christmas morning at mum’s house and have breakfast with her and then head to dad’s for the afternoon/evening and have his big full roast christmas dinner with him and sometimes a couple of his friends.

48. You can go back in time & change something in your Mom’s past - what is it? I think I would somehow try to give her more self esteem as a teenager. Or maybe I’d have stopped that one boyfriend from breaking up with her to move to sydney, after which she cried for at least a week. Idk I think I’d have tried to make her see that he was kind of a douche and not worth her time because she only deserves the absolute best.

49. Money doesn’t matter - choose a vacation destination and pick your party: If money is no issue then I would travel from alaska all the way down to the southern-most tip of argentina with whoever wants to join for a section. IRL I kinda plan on travelling mexico to argentina in a year or so anyway.

50. Been on any websites today you wouldn’t want your parents to see? No. I mean, they’d probably be mildly confused as to why I was researching when the shower was invented but it’s not like they’d care.

51. Flip your arm over - can you see your veins? No because I’m wearing a jumper and can’t see my skin through the sleeve obvs.

52. Pick a movie at least 5 years old that you absolutely love: Love and Other Drugs

53. Do you ever buy snacks at the movie theater? What do you get? Sometimes I did in australia but I never do here. I always have dinner beforehand and then just buy a bottle of water from the grocery store next door to take into the theatre. 

54. When was the last time you had to jump? Jump? Uhhhh ... I didn’t have to but I jumped off the front of the boat into the ocean while I was in the San Blas Islands off Panama a couple of months ago. 

55. At what time does it start getting dark where you live? Currently it gets dark around 5:30pm

56. Which is worse: dusting or mopping? I’m not sure I’ve ever dusted in my life.

57. Peanut butter VS. Caramel - which side are you on? Depends on context but probably usually caramel.

58. Have you ever complained to a manager about anything? What was it? I argued with some bond cleaners a bit over a year ago. I didn’t ask to, but I spoke to the manager and I ended up winning the argument.

59. Any idea where the shirt you’re wearing was made? Take a guess. I don’t know, China? Actually, none of the labels seem to specify where it was made.

60. Would you marry somebody who was intensely religious? No because our lifestyles wouldn’t match up.

61. Are you “with” the very last person you kissed? No

62. Ever dated/kissed a someone with the name Casey, Tyler, Ryan, Jordan, Colton, Rebecca, Samantha, Lauren, Taylor, or Ashley? That’s so specific. I think I’ve kissed a rebecca.

63. Was your last kiss, standing up, sitting down, or lying down? Standing up, saying goodbye at the hotel room door.

64. Are you happy with the choices you’ve made? In general, yeah

65. Are you excited for anything? Well, I’m going to Paris next week.

66. Do you hate the last person you kissed? No.

67. You’re stuck in an elevator with one of your worst enemies, what do you do? Scroll through facebook/instagram/whatever on my phone.

68. Will this weekend be a good one? The weekend is over.

69. Do you like to listen to the radio in the car? Nah, I listen to my iPod in the car and the radio at work. I mean, y’know, when I had a car and a job.

70. Do you sleep with a fan on? I literally don’t even have a fan

71. How is your hair right now? In need of a cut.

72. Have you ever broken up with someone for someone else? No.

73. How many windows are open on your computer? 1 window, 4 tabs.

74. How tall are you? ~5′3″ but I slouch

75. Have you ever taken a shower with anyone before? Yeah but tbh I don’t really understand the appeal unless you plan on fucking in the shower which sounds slippery and dangerous.

76. Is your hair clean? Almost always

77. What are you drinking right now? Nothing.

78. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Yes, unless I’m in a bus or sometimes I don’t when I’m in a country where the law doesn’t make you wear one. Eg in some countries cabs will have sheets covering the back seats so even if you want to put on the seatbelt you can’t because the clip thing is covered up and you can’t access it.

79. Does someone have feelings for you? Doubt it

80. Have you ever been cheated on? Pretty sure, yeah

81. Are you hard to please? Not at all

82. What are you craving right now? TRAVEL

83. How are you feeling right now? A bit cold

84. What color shirt are you wearing? Tshirt is orange and white. Jumper over it is grey with white stripes.

85. Who is the last person you got a message from? @aturinfortheworse

86. Are you excited for winter? Only if I get to go somewhere with snow (unlikely). I love the cold when I’m actually out and about and doing things but when I’m just sitting at home doing nothing and my feet are so cold they’re in physical pain then I don’t enjoy it so much. This is only a thing I’ve realised recently.

87. When are you at your happiest? When I’m travelling and having adventures.

88. Do you live alone? Yep

89. What do you do to pass time? Netflix, video games, tumblr 90. Do you go clubbing on weekends? When I live in the same city as my friends, sometimes

91. Twin bed, or other? Maybe a couch? What is this even asking? I have a king size bed currently 92. What are three things, that are not hygiene related you do every single day? Eat, check facebook, charge my phone 93. Are you addicted to anything drug like? No. 94. Did you pull a senior prank? They weren’t allowed at my school, but I don’t think I’d have cared enough anyway 95. Did you graduate? Highschool, yes. Uni, no.

96. Any goals? Live comfortably (with a job) in a country other than Australia, preferably a spanish speaking country.

97. Do you miss being a kid? In some ways yes, like not having responsibilities. In other ways no, like not getting laid... I mean, not that I’m getting laid now either...

98. Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious realfionship? Never had a serious relationship. 99. Do you have any tattoos? No. 100. Regrets? Nah. No point regretting things. Just learn and move on.

[wenamedthedogkylo]

Eyyyy, sum tags bruh

Get to know me tag game!

Tagged by @betweenrivers-betweenworlds, thnx m8.

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20* people.

LAST:

1. Drink: Aqua, also known by plebs as “water”. 2. Phone call: Uh..... technically to Willa cause I think she was tryna find her phone. 3. Text message: A group text, in which I provided some amusing pictures. 4. Song you listened to: The chocobo theme from FFXV cause Willa’s playing it right now. 5. Time you cried: I genuinely have no clue. It was a while ago and I don’t cry easily. It was probably at a movie or something. Or maybe it was the cry I had after BatB...

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: HAH!! No. 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Yep. 8. Been cheated on: Lmao no 9. Lost someone special: Yeah, a couple. 10. Been depressed: Ahahahahahahaha! Literally 24/7. *finger guns* 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Of course, gotta do it at least once. I’ve done it more than once, so I’ve had my fill for life.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: Dark red, black, and dark purple

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Yup. 16. Fallen out of love: Pfft, ain’t even fallen in love so no. 17. Laughed until you cried: Many times. 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Like... in a bad way? Not that I– wait, yes, my older sister talked trash about me to my parents cause she’s a butthurt immature crybaby who can’t have mature conversations to save her life. We all laughed about it. (By that, I mean my parents eye-rolled and sympathized with me and I cackled.) 19. Met someone who changed you: Mmmm... can’t say I have? 20. Found out who your friends are: Lmao I mean I already knew it. I don’t make friends easily, so once you’re a friend, that’s that. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: HAH. Nope.

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I mean, technically most of them? I knew them either from HS or college, or they’re family? There’s only a few that I’ve met online, and at least one of those that I’ve met online who I’ve subsequently met IRL. 23. Do you have any pets: 1 1/2 cats. 1 cat is fully mine, and I co-parent her brother. 24. Do you want to change your name: I think I’ve effectively done all the name flipping necessary to feel comfortable with it, so nah. 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: Um. That... that’s a good question. I think I just... maybe had good food and watched a movie? 26. What time did you wake up: Like 11:55 AM, just in time to get my computer open to start work XD. 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Playing the Sims and watching Parks & Rec. 28. Name something you can’t wait for: BLACK PANTHER! THOR: RAGNAROK!! STAR WARS!!! 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Mmmmmm... I wanna say October? 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I’d make myself very wealthy to solve literally every single problem I, my friends, and my parents have. 31. What are you listening to right now: The background music for Final Fantasy XV. 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yeah, my grade school principle was a Tom. 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: Capitalism, not having money for the things I need, and how hard it’s been for me to focus on/enjoy things lately because *Jean-Ralphio singing voice* ~even on medication, depression makes my life a walking nightmaaaaaaare!~ 34. Most visited website: Tumblr for sure.

RANDOM INFO:

35. Mole/s: A few all over. 36. Mark/s: Tons of scars, can’t really think of any birthmarks of note. 37. Childhood dream: Archaeologist, dinosaur hunter, historian, astronaut, pirate, queen of England... the list was long and unrealistic. 38. Hair color: Light blondish-brown naturally, purple by choice. 39. Long or short hair: Long as fuuuuuuck. 41. What do you like about yourself: My eyes are a cool color I guess, and my hair is usually really soft and smells good. 42. Piercings: 3 per ear, two on each lobe and one each in the cartilage. 43. Blood type: Literally never been tested so I have no clue. 44. Nickname: Bree is the most common that I usually use in place of my real given name, Briana. My dad used to call me Bubbles for reasons I still don’t know, some friends called me Breezy in HS. Right now the only other big one is Bryn (online only). 45. Relationship status: Single as fuuuuck. 46. Zodiac: Capricorn. 47. Pronouns: She/her and they/them (rarely he/his). 48. Favorite TV Show: Penny Dreadful, it’s the most beautiful show to grace the world ever in the history of everything. 49. Tattoos: None. 50. Right or left hand: Righty. 51. Surgery: I had to get stitches on my head when I was little. It’s a dumb story. 52. Hair dyed in different color: Hell yes! 53. Sport: Quidditch. On the computer. That’s it, I don’t like sports. 55. Vacation: I’d love to properly explore Europe, do some more putzing around the UK and actually visit France. 56. Pair of trainers: Uh, none right now. Like I said, I’m not a sporty, active type of person so if I don’t need ‘em, I don’t got ‘em. I prefer boots and like, Keds-type slip-on flats types of things.

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: Nothing healthy, I’ll tell you that much. I’m trying to restructure my diet and exercise rn to lose weight, but 100% honestly that just means I’m gonna get tall 2% S’mores Frappuccinos instead of grande regular (whole milk) ones. 58. Drinking: I’ve been making a conscious effort to drink way more water, especially cause the summer makes me even more dehydrated. 59. I’m about to: Probably play the Sims? Or rewatch Castlevania hehe. 61. Waiting for: MY FIRST COLORED CONTACTS TO GET HERE AL-FUCKING-READY SO I CAN TRY THEM OUT. 62. Want: Student loans paid, more money in my bank account, and my new work schedule to start already. 63. Get married: It would certainly be nice with the right person, but highly unrealistic. 64. Career: Well, I’d prefer to be a film actor already, but until I’m more financially stable, my current job is alright.

WHICH IS BETTER:

65. Hugs or kisses: Both are great, but honesty bomb warning, I’ve been pretty touch-starved my whole life thanks to social anxiety so I’m not used to either, especially kisses. Those tend to come more easily only when I’m drunk and there’s lots of people to kiss. 66. Lips or eyes: Eyes for sure. 67. Shorter or taller: I prefer taller, and in fact would love to be taller myself, but oh well. 68. Older or younger: Younger than me just really weirds me out, although Tom Holland makes me feel a way or two. Older actually feels way better, particularly in the 10-15 years range, but I also know that if just like 1 or 2 years younger feels weird to me, then 10-15 probably would feel too weird to them. So I’m just resigned to living alone for the rest of my days. 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Nice stomach, and with nice arms would be a bonus. 71. Sensitive or loud: If... if this is referring to sex, then I can’t tell ya as I’ve never done it. I would hazard a guess, just based on who I am, that I’d prefer sensitive? 72. Hook up or relationship: The very idea of a hookup repulses me and drives home how incredibly demisexual I am on top of everything else. 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Uh....???? I... I guess I’d prefer someone who’s more hesitant than troublemaking, because that means they think about their actions first?

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: Yes, while highly intoxicated AND high AND in an environment where I felt safe, which was the only way that was ever gonna happen. 75. Drank hard liquor: Yeeeeeeeeup. 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: YES AND IT’S THE MOST OBNOXIOUS THING EVER ESPECIALLY WHEN THE SHRIVELED DRIED UP CONTACT SUDDENLY SHOWS UP ON YOUR FLOOR A FEW DAYS LATER. 77. Turned someone down: Yeah. 78. Sex on the first date: As stated earlier, never had sex, so no. And I never would unless I already knew the person a while before the date. 79. Broken someone’s heart: Not that I’m aware of. I’m not really heart-breaker material. 80. Had your heart broken: Mostly by myself with my insecurities. 81. Been arrested: No. 82. Cried when someone died: Of course. 83. Fallen for a friend: Yeah, on occasion. Usually briefly before slapping my shit brain for confusing platonic feelings for romantic ones and making me have a crisis. Fuck you, shit-brain, fuck you.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: Haaaaah, not really. I mean, sometimes? But depression makes that hard. 85. Miracles: I’d like to, but good things rarely happen to me so it’s hard to. 86. Love at first sight: I believe attraction at first sight can be unusually strong, but that should never be conflated with love. That takes time. 87. Santa Claus: Hahah no, my dad accidentally ruined that for me as a kid. 88. Kiss on the first date: If the date was bad, no, absolutely not. If it was okay and there’s some potential there, a kiss on the cheek seems appropriate. If it was great and there’s a lot of potential there, especially if you were friends already, sure go for it.

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: Willa and Kelsey (I firmly reject the notion that you can only have one best friend and fuck all you ungrateful cunts who don’t love your friends or yourself enough to have more than one). 91. Eye color: Blue-gray 92. Favorite movie: I... I think it might be Phantom of the Opera? I dunno, that’s always a hard fucking question for me.

*Tagging less than 20 cause man I don’t have the focus to count up that many people: @nerfherding-smuggler, @peasantabuser, @aceofaces20, @mel0dyoftears, @hawkeyepancakes, @girl-in-the-coat, @jo-version-2point0, @thegreaterfool, @bimgnusbane, @radioactive-spacemen.

And of course, it’s totally optional. And if you wanna do it but aren’t tagged, well now you’re tagged, go nuts buddy.