#once again taking things Too Far whilst lost in the sauce. my brand 😔

[total-drama-brainrot]

At this point we should just cut out the middleman and Plot and Scheme our way through writing this masterpiece; and what an ambitious collaboration it would be!

That last addition has my brain racing in the best possible way, but I think I've cracked how to have the reveal happen on the volcano.

So, the finalists wash up on the shores of Hawaii, boats crashed and tensions high. If we're following canon, Heather arrives first and is surprised by the warm welcome she receives as a confirmed finalist- because the cast are a lot more sympathetic towards her and want to see her win. This is such a twist to her; sure, the competitors on the plane were nicer to her post Noah's elimination (which is exactly what they planned the little charade for, so she feels justified in preening over their shared genius) but she knows for a fact that both she and Alejandro had explained their ploy multiple times in the confessional- both individually and as a couple- so why are the losers who should know exactly how devious she's been cheering her on?

Surely they should be outraged by her and Alejandro essentially throwing Noah under the bus, even if it was consentual on the nerd's part, because even the throuple themselves were hesitant to put their plan into play (Heather especially, as she knows the backlash of being Public Enemy Number 1) due to it's potential to socially ruin them.

So she scans the crowd to see her Noahla Bear (or some other cheesy nickname that he'd despise) but can't seem to find him. Alejandro and Cody wash up moments later resulting in their tie, and Alejandro also scans the crowd for their missing piece but can't see him either. Heather and Alejandro shoot each other concerned looks.

"Where's Noah?" She asks. The crowd collective hisses out a sharp intake of breath at the question, their faces twisting into something resembling pity of all things, and an empathetic Leshawna approaches Heather with a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Honey, I know you want to tear that stringbean to shreds for what he did to you, but you've got a competition to win. Worry about him later." The way Leshawna growls at the mention of Noah is outright hostile. Heather and Alejandro share yet another look- this time they eyes are equally widened in shock- as they come to a realisation.

No one knows about the plan.

Noah's been weathering the storm of public outrage since his elimination.

The pair shoot probing glares towards Chris, who knows exactly what they're thinking and grins conspiratorially towards them.

No wonder he isn't present in the crowd; Heather's own public stigmatisation had made leaving her home a nightmare, she can't even begin to imagine the vilification Noah's had to endure. And with as temperamental and unpredictable as the Total Drama cast are, it's probably his safest option to isolate himself.

Heather feels the foreign sensation of guilt stab at her abdomen, tainted by the churning concern she feels for her partner. A quick glance over to Alejandro reveals he's experiencing the same, if the greenness of his face is anything to go by.

The finalists are ushered to the Hawaiian confessional to make one last entry; Alejandro and Heather let Cody take first dibs, leaving them a few precious minutes of solitude to discuss their next course of action.

Do they continue throwing Noah under the bus to ensure they themselves aren't villainised by the public? It would be the most strategic course of action, and it isn't like Noah went into the plan not knowing it was a possible outcome. The three of them were more than aware that both Heather and Alejandro weren't good people.

But... neither of them can stand to even think of betraying their little brainiac like that, even if it is the smartest play. Some things just aren't worth a million dollars. Like boyfriends who cherish their less-than-moral partners, flaws and all.

So they agree to keep up the farce until the competition is over (no use letting their scheme go to waste now, it's served them too well), and then publicly expose themselves for the bastards they are. Their final confessions focus solely on the competition itself, no mention of the 'heartbreak' both have milked for its worth.

The finale continues canon-adjacently, though their 'helpers' are less reluctant to, y'know, help since neither Alejandro nor Heather are seen as antagonists anymore (Heather's 'character growth' is celebrated by the cast, and Alejandro- whilst still held at a distance due to his earlier tricks and manipulations- is also tolerated as someone 'learning not to be a dirtbag'). Until they reach the top of the volcano, when a smug faced Chris pauses the competition to 'showcase the season's highlights' as a sort of farewell to the cast.

A huge flatscreen emerges from the side of the volcano, and immediately the whole cast is treated to a 'best of' series of clips documenting Alejandro and Heather's most villainous moments in the series in chronological order (omitting their relationship with Noah). After the reel ends, attention is directed towards Chef, who's holding a captive Noah between his burly arms as the bookworm struggles against his hold. The reaction is instantaneous; near enough the whole peanut gallery are vocally outraged by the nerd's appearance.

Heather and Alejandro share a moment of melancholy regret, picked up by the camera.

"And now, a little treat to commemorate the best romance drama I've ever had the pleasure of witnessing!" Chris announces, shit-eating smirk spanning ear to ear on his stubbly face.

And another reel sparks to life on the screen in a flash of static. It's their unaired confessions, everything from Alejandro and Heather initially strong-arming Noah into the fake relationship, to the pair forcing him into their 'alliance', to the three happily constructing their master plan smiling at each other with disgustingly lovesick simpers. Every new clip has the cast reeling in shock. Heather and Alejandro stand frozen at the edge of the volcano, attention darting between their exposure on the screen to Noah, who's slumped over defeated in the arms of Chef (no longer fighting, he seems almost delicate and lifeless in the ex-sergeant's arms).

The peanut gallery are appalled, both by the finalists themselves and their own treatment of Noah, who's eerily unresponsive to their cries for his attention. Chef drops his hostage and the cynic drops to the floor like a stringless puppet; Alejandro and Heather race over to him, disregarding their pineapple figures in the process, and worry over him.

(I'm imagining something along the lines of Ruby and Sapphire's first reunion in SU, you know; "Did they hurt you?" "No, I'm fine, did they hurt you?" "Who cares?" "I do.". Those are the vibes I want for their reunion.

"Noah! Dios, mi cariño, how poorly did they treat you?" "Who cares? Our plan worked out flawlessly, I'm so proud of the both of you." "We care, idiot. You should've told them it was all fake." "And who'd believe me? Without the confessionals airing it'd be my word against the show's. I'm just glad that you're both okay."

Meanwhile all three of them are hugging each other closely, basking in the fact that they're together again after so long, ignorant of their onlookers- both in person and the international audience at large.)

Eventually Chris gets impatient and all but demands that Alejandro and Heather get back to competing. There is only so much allotted airtime, after all. So the two of them reluctantly let go of their third and dejectedly pick up their sacrificial dummies, but now the oeanut gallery are far less enthusiastic about the whole affair- in fact, the majority of the cast are too stunned by the turn of events to react at all, still processing the fact that the two 'redeemed by mutual heartbreak' ex-villains manipulated them into sympathising with a fake cheating scandal.

Noah breaks the awkward silence by cheering them both on and is quickly joined by Duncan- who was also ostracised by the peanut gallery, and whom Noah had struck up an unlikely friendship wherein he got to vent about his mistreatment and in return Duncan got to vent about his own issues (and who Noah also subtly led into regretting his actions despite his justifications, because Noah's biggest talent is endearing himself to objectively bad people and rehabilitating them into slightly-less awful people, apparently).

Re-emboldened by his support, the pair duke it out atop the volcano, ultimately leading to Heather's win (because Heather winning WT is canon in my heart) and the Ezekiel fiasco. HOWEVER, before Zeke can plummet into the volcano below, Noah uses the fake ball trick to redivert the feral teen's attention towards himself, resulting in him being tackled by a rabid green-skinned farmhand and inadvertently (read: intentionally) having the briefcase land in his lap. Before the money can be snatched back by it's rightful owner, the volcano begins to erupt and everyone is tasked with vacating the island.

Uh, something something post World Tour Alenoaheather fluff? Maybe an epilogue about the three of them dealing with the Burromuertos and Heather's family...

february has blessed me with The Sickness (i'm down with it) so apologies for not posting much these past couple days

anyway i'm still waiting for someone to write that alenoaheather fake dating au where both heather and alejandro pretend to date noah- the least intolerable person on the plane besides each other- to make the other jealous and noah Lets It Happen because it's funny and he has nothing better to do (he's read all of his books and now he's bored)