#okay take 2 tumblr ate this post when i tried to make it so hopefully it lets me this time

[dykecadence]

actually im not done thinking about this. marcus's whole thing was self preservation at any cost. he had enough to deal with as a black man in america especially one running in such white circles as the goddamn press, being gay was something he could hide and it gave him some semblance of control. he was safe and that was enough for a while. he was happy to do the same thing as hawk, live with one foot in the clubs and another in his cozy percieved heterosexual home life. but hes not like hawk

as soon as marcus acknowledged he was in love it was over because frankie never wanted the protection marcus so desperately wanted. marcus was content to think of himself as fully separate from the queer community. he ran when frankie defended him from the racist clubowners, he ran again when cozy corner got raided even as frankie begged him to stay. he only went out into the streets after milk got assassinated to try and stop frankie and jerome. he was so CAREFUL. in everything and we see that in how he holds in his rage too. after he gets rejected at the door from the club we get one brief moment of unbridled rage and he YELLS and hits he desk before he seals it right back up again. whatever freedom came with his emotions be they love or anger he couldnt let that show because that honesty put a target on his back as a black man and as a gay man.

but unlike hawk marcus allowed himself some emotional honesty. he allowed himself to love frankie and build a life with him, and he let himself love tim, and let himself love jerome and suddenly he wasnt just worried about his own protection anymore. it wasnt enough to stay home and stay quiet to be safe.

so finally. after years of leaving frankie in the cold and letting remarks slide he cant take it anymore. that love and anger was something necessary. marcus sneaks into that gala with tim, he's the one to open the doors to frankie and the other activists, he chains himself to his friends and that stage and he YELLS the way we only ever saw him do in the privacy of his own office because he cant look away anymore and he refuses to let anyone else!!!

thinking soooo much about marcus's transformation over the course of the series i think watching him chain himself to that stage and SCREAM with everyone else was my favorite moment in the whole show

[starrybouquet]

On Seasons 9 and 10 of Stargate SG1

A note: I wrote a series of essays several weeks ago, when I was feeling particularly crappy. I'm not particularly proud of them--they're pretty dramatic--but they do explain several of my more personal fandom feelings. I know I don't always tend to be the best at explaining things on the spot, so I'm posting these with the hope that I can refer people to them the next time that happens.

Um, I mentioned they're a little dramatic. I'm really, really sorry about that. But hey, if I can't be dramatic on Tumblr, in fandom, where else is that gonna go?

But still - if you're feeling a little sensitive today, maybe you wanna skip this. Or not. Just a light warning. :)

This piece is on seasons 9 and 10 of Stargate SG1, but they aren't all Stargate-related. I'll be posting them in the next few days, hopefully.

To those of you who like s9-10: I have nothing against you. Some of you I know better, some less well. In general, though, I like you, you seem like fine people. This is not about you, I hold nothing against you for liking those seasons. In fact, I envy you. This is more a personal post about why I'm an idiot. If you want, feel free to scroll down past this. I won't be offended. I'd put it under the cut but I'm on mobile.

Okay. Why, hello, those of you willing to read this rant...

No matter how much I denounce and ignore it, I cannot get past the pain of seasons 9 and 10 of Stargate SG-1. I've never watched them in full. Seen a few episodes here and there.

I cannot, repeat, CANNOT stand the thought today. It hurts.

It's an old pain, and it's not just SG1. SG1 is just one of the highlights in a long line of books and shows that have repeatedly broken my heart by being SO GOOD and then taking an, uh, precipitous right turn, shall we say. Because a hard right seems too kind, and a precipitous drop too harsh.

I love SG1. I love love love it. I like the plots and I love the science, but what I really fell in love with was the characters.

I loved all of them. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: if Sam, Daniel, or Teal'c had been on any other show, I guarantee you they would have been my favorite by far. Jack is just so...Jack that he has to be my favorite. That's SG1 for you.

I've never had super close friends. I have good RL friends, don't get me wrong. They're nice people. But we don't have much in common.

That's okay. That's been my experience forever--really nice folks who maybe didn't always get me or have anything to say to me, but were good, decent people.

And this is good. Really, it is. It's just that SG-1, for me, has always represented the promise that there *are* people out there that are your true friends, and you will do brave and brilliant things with them. It will happen.

It's naive, I know. But I haven't been able to let it go. Maybe someday. But not right now.

Which brings me to s9-10 of SG1. It hurts.

It hurts that SG1 scattered to the wind.

It hurts that they sent Jack away from a place where he was happy, where he'd found friends and meaning in life again, away to fucking DC. To be...what? A politician? I could write a whole post just about this. Actually, I have. I could still write more posts about it!

It hurts that Sam went to Area 51, and nobody seemed to mind, the 'Gate didn't spontaneously combust as we were always led to believe it would.

It hurts that Daniel's personality supposedly changed that much, in the absence of his friends. Though some of his lines are funny, they aren't the earnest, idealistic, thoughtful Daniel I fell in love with. I get the idea that new-look Daniel would roll his eyes at s3-8 Daniel, and beat up floppy hair Daniel. And floppy hair Daniel is my baby and anyone who doesn't appreciate his brilliance can face my wrath. That includes you, buff s9-10 Daniel, and also whoever decided/approved that change in characterization.

Really, the only one who doesn't hurt is Teal'c. Because it feels like he's moving forward, toward happiness.

So...here we are. Season 9. Mitchell, Landry.

I often say I hate Mitchell. Do I resent him for replacing Jack? Yes. I do. We can talk about plot reasons and all that, but at the end of the day, I was going to hate anyone who tried to be Jack.

This is true in real life, too. You can't try to be anyone else. You've gotta walk your own path.

Now, people say that I didn't give Mitchell a chance. I say that the way he was portrayed, in the few episodes I've seen, tells me enough.

I can think of lots of ways Mitchell could have been interesting. How would Daniel and Teal'c react to an old, actually bad tempered (not Jack bad tempered, actually bad tempered) hardass after eight years of their best friends leading them? Or--start with his actual character. Mitchell, he hasn't been at the SGC. Wouldn't he get some flack from the longtime team leaders of SGs 2-5ish? They'd be insulted, right?

Or we could've gotten a nice Daniel Teal'c episode arc and then we could've had one Samantha Carter as team leader, though we won't get into that.

Bringing me to my next point. Co-leads?? Seriously?? You're trying too hard, folks. Telling me Sam used to know Mitchell does not actually make me like him.

Same thing with Landry. Unlike Mitchell, I guess I don't really have an opinion on Landry. He's just....there? No character development for this man.

Anyway, back to the team.

One of the things I love about SG1 is how the humor and friendship was so damn natural. Other than a few episodes (Urgo comes to mind), the plots weren't intentionally humorous. They were campy sci-fi plots sometimes, sure. They were funny because Jack was funny, yeah. They were lower budget than some other sci-fi. But they were as serious as sci-fi gets. It was how the characters reacted that made it funny.

Similarly, we were never told SG1 were found family. We just Knew. Because of the way they acted with each other. Because of the way Jack would "order" them to do things.

And hey, by the way, they weren't always family. Sam used to be less willing to ignore Jack. Daniel used to be less willing to trust Teal'c. Jack used to be a little more stern.

So...they meshed together. Like all found families do.

Every time I see a photo of new-look SG1 in seasons 9 and 10, I can't help but feel that they're trying too hard. I don't get the family feel because they aren't a family, damn it. It doesn't matter how many times you *tell* me they're super close. One of the reasons the original team got so close is because they all needed each other. Jack was depressed, Daniel was grieving, Sam was alone and had lost her mom and wasn't speaking with her dad and had never opened up to anyone in her life, Teal'c was an alien fighting for freedom after spending 100 years essentially as a slave.

And partly because of that, by season 9? Daniel and Teal'c (and Sam, when she comes back) don't need a family the way they used to. They have each other. They have Jack, or at least they *should*. *Glares in angry at Jack in DC vibes*

So...they simply don't have the relationship with Mitchell they do with each other.

It'd be different if Mitchell needed a family. It's not that SG1 hasn't added people before--I think Jonas is a perfect example of this. He wasn't Daniel, and that always hurt. But he was young, and naive, and innocent, and he needed SG1 because he'd left everything he'd ever known.

And that worked.

Without needing family, Mitchell is just a coworker. He can be a friendly coworker. A friend. But if he wanted to become better friends, family, he needed to show depth and vulnerability. He needed to need SG1.

And he never does, from what I've seen and heard about and read about. Or if he does need SG1, he doesn't need them badly enough to show more than an occasional bout of thoughtfulness before returning to his normal pale-Jack-imitation ways.

Now, I don't know why that is. I lean toward bad writing. I haven't watched Farscape (it's on my to watch list) but it seems like Ben Browder is a fine actor.

So, seasons 9 and 10 are probably fine TV. I'm never going to watch them through, so don't ask. I've tried and failed and every time it just tears my heart a little more and I'm won't be doing it again.

Those seasons...they just lost everything I watch SG-1 for, and so...yeah. I feel the hate strongly. Not because they're bad--I think they're different, not necessarily bad. My hate is only because in creating those seasons, they tore down the parts of SG1 that I loved most.

So s9-10 show me a few nice hugs and laughs? That's nice. I like comedies, I do. However...that's not my Stargate. Not the one I love. I liked the sarcastic one, the one full of wonder, the one where they had to scrape and claw their way through the galaxy with naivety and courage and brilliance. The one where they ate together, fought together, died together, were resurrected together.

It hurts, man. It hurts when the things I love turn into something that's lukewarm. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

That's why we have fanfic. And, with any luck, I'll actually start that AU I've been talking about.

It's fanfic, and so it'll be my Stargate. The ending I wanted--which really wasn't an ending at all, more of a closure of one chapter of the story.

Damn, did that turn dramatic. Um, sorry about that, and also sorry for spilling my feelings all over you guys. Thanks for reading, if you got to the end of this.

[queensdivas]

Wildest Notes Chapter 1

okay so tumblr decided to have a stroke obviously and decided to delete the entire first chapter because. I decided to add the word Chapter 1..so I’m tagging y’all again mostly for my sake. So sorry. 

For those of you who have no idea what this is. YOU’RE SO WELCOME AND I THINK YOU’RE GOING TO ENJOY WHAT I’VE GOT COOKING IN MY LITTLE BRAIN FOR OUR MAILMAN GARDNER!

If ya liked to be tagged please let me know. 

And I’ll see you guys in whatever I post later! 

HERE WE GO! 

Chapter 2

Masterlist

And that’ll do! After an entire night of moving and unpacking. I’ve finally made it into my new home! It’s a tiny little hole in this town but I couldn’t be more happy with it. Right outside of the city and quiet enough you don’t hear the traffic. Absolutely perfect! 

I walked into the living room where Angus was sound asleep with the sunshine beaming on him. Kind of forgot that he enjoys the sunlight when he’s taking his naps and all the drool that comes from English Mastiff. Hopefully I can put something together for my giant in the backyard so he can lay out for as long as he wants. 

Speaking of outside, that's all that's left to do in the house and it’ll be complete. I’ve already got my seeds ordered for the flowers and veggies for the backyard. I have to figure out what I want to do for the front yard. Maybe I can have a line of sunflowers against the fence? Ivy wrapping around the fence? That’ll take months but atleast the weather here is very nice. I’ll have to think of something in order for a much nicer garden for my obsession. Maybe some ferns and some lava rocks? Nah we’re not in the right territory for lava rocks. I already know the backyard is going to have the largest sunflowers I can get my hands on. 

I should take a walk around the neighborhood and get some fresh air. And I imagine Angus would just love a walk, even if he’s tapped down on the floor in the middle of the road! But look at him relaxing on the fluffy rug! 

“Someone wants to go on a walk doesn’t he?” I asked him as he sat down in front of me waiting for me to clip the leash. Found Mr. Angus under the bridge when I walked from the orphanage to school. He was only a puppy when I first saw him and from that day on I was giving him food from breakfast and left over from lunch. Then he started following me back to the home every night. 

Angus and I walked out the front door as I patted the front part of my overalls for where I put my keys. He barked out towards the street as I turned around to see the mailman coming through the gate but stayed back due to the dog. 

“He doesn’t bite.” I smiled as I led Angus towards the mailman as he stood there so tall and firm. I don’t even think a gust of wind would blow him over, even hurricane wind wouldn’t knock him down. 

Angus began circling the mailman sniffing up and down his legs, down to the tip of his toes. I chuckled as he stuck his nose in the mail bag and sniffed all the letters and tiny packages. The man bounced away from Angus as he dug through the mail to hand me my two envelopes. 

“I’m Cora.” I told him as he took a deep breath in. 

“Gardner. Now if you’ll excuse me Miss Lister. I have to get back to work and take my lunch.” A 180 turn away from me as he walked out of the fenced front yard back onto the sidewalk. Wait what’s this slip? 

“Umm excuse me Gardner.” He stopped as he faced the fence. I walked over towards him with the only thing blocking us was the picket fence. I then showed him the slip as he looked at the slip then back at me. 

“It’s a package. That’s a slip.” Obviously but what did I order? Wait did I order anything or is someone mailing back from what I left at the old house? There’s a lot of things this could be. He was about to walk away as I was trying to finish this conversation without him running off. 

“Can I assume that you’re bringing it by tomorrow?” He stopped dead in his tracks and turned towards me. 

“Section 4.7 of the resident manual stipulates packages of that size cannot be left without the recipient's signature.” Didn’t realize it was such a big package goodness. What on earth could I have left at the house!?

“I’ll be in the back working on some hoeing so just leave it on the corner of the porch. C’mon Angus!” I opened the gate, waving bye to Gardner. 

“Thanks Gardner!” I yelled as we began our walk. 

Angus and I watched him walk down the street stopping into each of the house's mailboxes. Probably should go the opposite way so it doesn’t look like I’m stalking him. 

“C’mon Angus.” I told him as I walked out of the gate down towards the opposite way Gardner was going. Glad to know the first I met was a very tight end mailman. I mean he was a little cute but I should get going. 

Angus was absolutely loving all the new smells and environment while walking around the corner onto the new sidewalk. I was humming a quiet song to myself as I heard a very loud whistle coming from the house I was passing. A foam rocket landed right in front of Angus and I for him to start sniffing it. An old woman came stumbling out of the house with a flask in her hand. 

“Ah damn it. Too much gas.” She yelled as I picked up her foam rocket as she walked towards me. 

“You moved into the house with the yellow door, yes?” You mean my absolutely favorite door in the world? That pretty yellow color that I love? Yes. 

“Yes mam.” 

“No one tells me yes mam, makes me feel old. Trudy.” She made it infront of me as I handed her the foam rocket. I glanced over to her blue and purple house to see her flowers on the ground were dying. 

“Cora. Nice to meet you.” I told her as she looked down to Angus. 

“And who is this?” She reached down as Angus began sniffing her fingers and arm. 

“Angus.” 

“We’ll he’s a heartbreaker. Glad you moved into the house, that old woman who used to own that place was crazy. She once walked out of the house naked like a jaybird.” She took a drink as I nodded along. Glad to know one of my new friends in the neighborhood is an old lady wearing a super long floral kimono. 

“I’ll let you back on your walk. Hey if you need anything please stop by whenever ya feel like. I could use a young drinking buddy myself. I make a mean long island iced tea.” Don’t really like alcohol on most days. Maybe a glass of wine at dinner or a beer when I’m grilling. 

“I’ll get back to you on that Trudy. Lovely to meet you.” I began walking away as she kept looking at me till she went back inside. So I got mad science living a street or two away and a mailman who's tighter than a screw. 

I continued along the sidewalk as Angus was walking a little faster since he was trying to see the entire neighborhood. I stumbled upon a patch of trees as Angus was just dying to start running around in there. Eh might as well. Don’t need to go back home for a few more hours and it’ll take me about an hour to get ready for work. I bent down to unlatch the leash from his collar as he went sprinting off. Don’t worry he’ll come back because he's going to have a nice chicken dinner before work. I began walking on the trail as I kept an eye on Angus as he was climbing on top of some fallen trees. 

It’s weird to think a few months ago I was job hunting and trying to find a place to live and now my life is slowly coming together. I need to write to my orphanage mother and let her know that I finally made it in the world. We were worried when I turned sixteen that no one was going to adopt me and by eighteen they kind of just threw you out onto the street. But now look at me! In a jazz band at night and selling my own produce at markets. Just exactly what I wanted in my life. 

We reached the opening onto a large tall field that was circled by the entire patch of forest. There was no trail that led into the field but one wrapping around it. A few park benches were placed along the trail as I began going down the path on the left. Angus ran running into the field  as he began hopping around in the tall grass. 

He barked each time he jumped out of the field till something caught his attention as he began smelling the air. He began trotting around the field as he began picking up the pace till we came across someone on the bench eating. Oh no he must have peanut butter! It’s Angus’ weakness! 

By the time I was about to tell him no he was already sitting in front of him with his tail moving across the grass. Crap crap crap! I ran up to notice it was Gardner just trying to enjoy his lunch in peace I’m assuming. But I stopped as Gardner ripped off a piece of his crust then handed it to Angus. He laid down in front of him and quickly ate it. 

“I’m so sorry about that.” I told him as I stood in front of him and attached the leash to Angus. 

“It’s fine.” Another short answer as he took a bite out of his sandwich. 

“Mind if I sit with you for a minute?” I asked him as he looked over his bag to then move it onto the ground next to him. I sat down on the other edge of the bench as I was watching Angus running back into the field. 

“I promise I’m not stalking you or anything.” I blurted out as he kept his focus on the field. It was an awkward silence for a few seconds as I tried to think of something to say in order to remove this awkwardness. 

“Why this little town?” He asked as I looked over and looked over at me.  

“I miss the little town feeling. I grew up in Eureka California and I kind of missed that town kind of feeling. Plus my job is here now and wouldn’t trade it for anything.” I nodded as Angus sat in front of me as I scratched his head. 

“What do you do?” Feels like I’m in an interview as he’s silently judging me. 

“During the day when I’m not sleeping I’m growing vegetables and herbs for any local markets. And at night I’m a jazz pianist.” He nodded as he looked over at him. I know it’s not a lot of money in my life but it makes me extremely happy. 

“You don’t like to talk do you?” I blurted out as he turned his head towards me. 

“No I do.” He defended as I nodded. So he likes to talk, but just doesn’t want to talk to strangers. Understandable. I’m a complete stranger who accidentally found him at the park during his lunch. 

“So are those hats comfy?” I asked him as he looked up at his white hat. 

“They’re good for the summer. Keeps the air flowing through my head and the sun from burning my neck.” I looked at it then chuckled at myself. 

“How’s the mail business going then?” 

“Fresh air, predictable, solid retirement fund.”

“Already sounds like a better life than what I’m doing.” I could sense he wanted to be left alone. I imagine this is very weird for some stranger to be sitting here with him. I should get going anyhow. 

“Sorry I’ll leave you alone. Listen if you ever get out or just bored at home. Come to Club Eclipse on 2nd. Thanks for letting me sit with you Gardner.” I grabbed Angus leash as I began to speed walking down the trail as my body became a little cold. How stupid was that? Honestly that was one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done in my entire life. 

“Thank you Miss Lister.” He blurted as I stopped dead in my tracks then turned around towards him. 

“Cora please. And for what?”

“This was….different.” He grabbed his bag and marched away. 

What a..what an interesting man. I hope to see him tomorrow while he delivers my package. Which I’m still trying to remember what exactly it was I ordered. He’s..kind of cute with his quirkiness. 

taglist

@bonafiderocketqueen​ @filmslutt​ @leah-halliwell92​ @johndeaconshands​ @amethyst-serenade​ @soy-guey​ @jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels​ @queen-turtle-boiii​ @mercury-wife​ @deck-heart​ @themficsilike​ @deakydeacs​

[starker-stories]

An Accord (WIS), Chapter 2

I’m sorry I missed a day re-posting Accord. I really want to get it all back out there so I can continue on with chapter 10-13 when I hit that point. Unfortunately, I’m still sleeping off whatever hit me Monday-Wednesday while I was in the hospital. I’m pretty sure I’m back up to normal now. So let’s start this daily posting thing again.

As a bit of annoyance, I’m going to remind you that @starker-stories is formerly starkerstories, which got accidentally deleted. So if you followed me at the non-hyphenated blog, I hope you’ll make the move with me to the hyphenated one. I miss all’y’all. 

I’ll be re-creating my individual chapter posts for An Accord over here on the blog that replaces starkerstories. Until I hit the current chapter, I’ll be posting daily. They’ll have links to both tumblr and AO3 chapter links. I’m sorry if that bothers people who’ve seen this all before in the tag. I’m content to leave all my other fic as AO3 only, but this is my current favorite child, so I’m spoiling it rotten.

This fic is on a weekly update schedule. Hopefully every Friday. More chapters may appear sooner if the writing is going well. Because I have 0 self-control.

Tumblr Chapter Links: ch1, ch2, ch3, ch4, ch5, ch6, ch7, ch8, ch9, ch10, ch11, ch12, ch13 AO3 Chapter Links: ch1, ch2, ch3, ch4, ch5, ch6, ch7, ch8, ch9, ch10, ch11, ch12, ch13

Tags: Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Polyamory Negotiations, Polyamory, Cheating, Past Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Domestic Nightmare Tony Stark, Reconciliation, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, WinterIronSpider, Happy Ending, Clothed Sex, Domesticity, Peter Parker is legal age in the state of New York, College Student Peter Parker, Takes place about 2 years after Civil War. Closeted Character

Summary: “Oh. My. God. Old man stereo.” Peter disentangled himself from Tony’s hold. “Feed me.” Bucky started to rise. “Sit down, Bucky. I didn’t say cook. I told him to feed me. Feed US.” ——————————————————————————————

Chapter 2:  The pass-code to the penthouse

A movie and a half later, Tony sat on the other end of the sofa from Bucky. “Taken care of. Tomorrow you’ll meet Fury up at HQ.”

“It’ll take more than one day,” Bucky said quietly. “There were a lot of missions.”

Tony nodded.

“I remember all of them, Tony. I’m sorry.”

It was still hard for Tony to reconcile the raw emotion of what happened with the knowledge that the man sitting next to him was not the man in that videotape. “I know, Bucky. I’m getting there, okay?”

“Okay.”

“You’ll head upstate for a few hours a day until it’s finished. Either Fury or Maria Hill will handle the debrief personally. Whatever Ross finds out will be filtered through them, cross-checked by FRIDAY, gone over by me, and then given back to Fury to release.”

“They agreed to that?”

Tony laughed. “Of course not. It’s all going directly from Fury to Ross, with not a single stop in between.”

Bucky was quiet for a long time and they both pretended to watch the movie. “Steve underestimated you.”

“You think?”

They watched the movie until its end. “Didn’t peg you for a rom-com man, Bucky,” Tony said smiling.

“War movies kinda lost their charm.”

“Overly realistic sci-fi ones lost theirs for me,” Tony countered.

“Drama… I live enough of that lately.”

“Ditto action.”

“Romance never gets old,” Bucky said finally.

“God, are you two getting weepy over Tom Hanks movies?” Peter said, laughing and landing in Tony’s lap once he dropped his backpack by the elevator.

“You told me you liked that I’m a romantic,” Tony said, kissing Peter lightly on the lips.

“Yes, but…” Peter picked up the remote, clicked, and brought up the title. “Sleepless in Seattle?”

“Shut up, kid.”

“Shut up, kid.”

“Oh. My. God. Old man stereo.” Peter disentangled himself from Tony’s hold. “Feed me.” Bucky started to rise. “Sit down, Bucky. I didn’t say cook. I told him to feed me. Feed US.”

“Take out?”

“Take me… us… out.”

“Your house is full of food, Tony,” Bucky said. “Take your boyfriend out to dinner, I’ll be fine.”

“I said, feed US,” Peter hollered back from the bedroom.

“Thai?” Tony suggested.

“Thai.” Peter agreed, coming back, tugging on a fresh shirt.

“Chinese?” Bucky countered.

“Thai wasn’t a thing in your day?” Peter asked.

“In Thailand it was. Not in Manhattan.”

Tony laughed. “How long has it been since you were here… that you remember?”

“Uh… Forty-three? I’ve been here since, and I remember, but it wasn’t to sample the cuisine. Back in forty-three, pretty much everyone still called it Siam, even though it had changed already. But by any name, there weren’t any restaurants serving that kind of food. Chinese was the closest.”

“I doubt spending the last year, since Wakanda, on the run with Rogers broadened your horizons.”

“Not really.”

“Thai then,” Peter insisted.

“Yes, but proper Thai. We’re not dragging our new guest to that place you and May like.”

“Fine. Rich people Thai.”

“Yes, Thai. Not Thai by way of American Cantonese and whichever Korean guy they have working the kitchen today.”

Bucky smiled at the couple, arguing as they wandered back and forth from the bedroom to the living room, various bits of clothes flying while they changed.

“There.” Peter said, finally dressed in much the same as he’d started out in.

“Ready?” Tony asked Bucky.

“We can just… go out?” He’d spent all of his time, since he escaped from HYDRA, on the run. The idea of just being able to walk outside the door and go to a restaurant was unbelievable.

“Well, yeah,” Peter said.

“It can be a bit of a zoo once I’m recognized,” Tony admitted. “But that’s why I get driven even though it’s only a few blocks away, and I’ll have security there.”

“Iron Man needs security?” Bucky asked, arching an eyebrow.

“No, Iron Man does not need security,” Tony said sharply. “However Tony Stark, the fifth richest man in the world and New York celebrity needs security. Unless you fancy being mobbed by everyone with a cellphone.”

“Not fun,” Peter said sagely.

Happy was waiting with the Rolls outside Tony’s private elevator in the garage when the three of them arrived.

“Bucky, this is Happy Hogan. Head of Security for Stark Industries, but I also make him be my driver and pilot still. He tolerates it because I’m so loveable. Happy, Bucky Barnes. He’s staying with Peter and I for awhile.”

“Mr. Hogan.”

“Sergeant Barnes.”

“Can we not? It wasn’t him. It was someone else. I’m… getting over it. I appreciate my defense squad, Happy, but save the death glare for Rogers if he ever shows up.”

“Tony’s taking us out to dinner,” Peter said brightly.

“Thai?” Happy asked.

“He’s nothing if not predictable,” Tony said, helping Peter in. “There’s going to be grooves carved into the road from the tower to the Thai restaurant.”

“To match the grooves from the tower to the Italian one you insist on going to every time it’s your choice,” Peter countered.

“Italian?” Bucky asked. “You been to Gargiulo’s?”

“Fuck yes. I haven’t been in years. But it was as close as you get to Napoletano outside of Naples. Sorry kid, you’re overruled. Happy! Change of plan. Coney Island.”

“What‽” Peter screeched. “I will be as old as you two before I eat.”

“Yeah, true. Never mind the car. Make the arrangements, Hap. We’ll meet you on the helipad.”

“What the fuck?” Peter said.

“What the fuck?” Bucky said, just a little bit behind him.

“Oh, pretty and beautiful chime in,” Tony said, teasingly. “You think you’re going to dangle the possibility of me eating like my m… Oh.” Tony gasped and sat heavily down onto the backseat of the car. His eyes closed tightly shut and he began hyperventilating.

“Shit,” Bucky whispered. He backed away until he was up against the wall of the garage, as far away from Tony as he could get. He watched as Peter climbed next to Tony. Once the kid had Tony in his arms, Bucky ran up the garage ramp and kept running.

“Stop him,” Tony gasped out. “Lock the garage down before he gets out.” He flailed for Happy’s arm. “It’s not his fault,” he told Happy. Which was as far as Tony’s bravery would take him. He buried his face against Peter’s chest. “It’s not his fault,” he said quieter.

“I know, Tony. It’s okay. He’s… his twin brother.”

“Yeah.” Tony drew a shaky breath and another and another. Slow and deep. In the safety of Peter’s arms, it was easy to convince himself of that. Twin brother. That made sense. It was a gut level reaction to seeing the same face associated with…

Tony was sitting on the edge of the carseat when Bucky came back down, followed by Happy. “I’m not going to kill you.”

“You couldn’t.”

“Debatable. But I don’t want to kill you. Your dead twin brother on the other hand,” Tony said, trying at a wan smile.

“I’m sorry.” Bucky sat cross-legged on the garage floor in front of the car door’s opening.

“I forgot who you aren’t. It’s… I got caught up in the moment. My… her cousin used to work at the place. She and I ate there a lot the summer between high school and MIT. Howard was setting things up in L.A. that summer. It…” Tony closed his eyes again. “I don’t want to blame you,” he said quietly. “I know it wasn’t you.”

“She was Italian? That wasn’t in the file. Nothing was. A time. A date. A location. A mission. I didn’t know who. Not until after. Until just before Pierce had me wiped again and sent me back to Siberia for storage.” Bucky tried to hide his reaction to his memory of the procedure.

“I’m sorry,” Tony said.

Peter reached out for each of their hands. “Takeout, obviously.” He helped both men to their feet and led them to the elevator. “Chinese or pizza?”

“Chinese,” they both said.

“Fantastic.” Peter leaned his head on Tony’s shoulder and wrapped their arms together. But he kept his hand reached out to hold Bucky’s.

~~~~~

They let Peter pick the movie.

“I thought you didn’t like sci-fi?” Bucky asked.

“To be honest, the whole ‘sitting still pretending to be mentally engaged by a movie’ is new to me,” Tony offered in his defense.

“You told me you loved Star Wars.”

“Yeah. Star Wars.”

“And Star Trek.”

“That’s okay too.”

“That’s sci-fi!” Peter said emphatically.

“Technically, that’s space opera,” Tony countered.

“You don’t have to sit and watch movies with me,” Peter said, sounding actually hurt.

“I like sitting and watching movies with you. I never said I didn’t. I said it was new to me.”

“Watching movies can’t be new to you. He’s older than you and it’s not new to him,” Peter said, nodding towards Bucky.

“Baby, the last movie I sat and watched all the way through, in one sitting, was Star Wars. The summer right before I was sent to boarding school in the fall.”

“Oh.”

“It’s okay. It’s just… new. Sitting still for this long. Not… doing anything.”

“You’re watching a movie.”

“No, baby. You’re watching a movie. I’m watching you.” Tony leaned over and gave Peter a kiss. He was about to deepen it when he remembered they weren’t alone. He chuckled. “Sorry.”

Peter laughed. “I foresee us bumbling around each other saying ‘sorry’ a lot.”

“You haven’t said ‘sorry’ yet, kid,” Bucky grinned.

“Call me kid again and I’ll web your cool metal arm to the floor again.” Peter grinned back. “Then I’ll say sorry for it after.”

~~~~~

“Bucky. Hey, Bucky. It’s all right. You’re safe. You’re in New York. You’re in Stark Tower. Bucky. It’s Peter. Parker. Peter Parker. You’re okay.”

Bucky punched in the direction of the voice. His punch was… caught. His arm made an electromechanical whir. He opened his eyes.

“Hi Bucky,” Peter smiled at him, holding his metal fist in his hand. “You were having a nightmare. No, no. Don’t move yet.” Peter put Bucky’s hand down onto the bed.

“Peter?” Bucky said hoarsely.

“Yeah,” he smiled again.

“You shouldn’t wake me up from a nightmare. I could hurt you.”

“Hi, I’m Spider-Man. You can’t hurt me. You already tried to hurt me and didn’t. But I didn’t wake you up. I know better.”

“You know better?” Bucky asked, stretching his legs out, one at a time, then his right arm, moving his fingers.

“Nightmares. Kinda the pass-code to the penthouse.”

“Tony?” Peter nodded. “You?” Bucky asked, less credulously. Peter nodded again.

“Welcome to the fabulous superhero life.”

“Some of mine were from before the superhero life,” Bucky said quietly.

“Some of Tony’s. Some of mine, too. It doesn’t matter who has them worse, when they’re happening, they’re all worse.”

“You can go back to bed now, kid. Thanks. But Tony’ll be missing you.”

Peter sucked in his lips, but stayed.

“He’s not in bed?”

“When he’s avoiding nightmares, he doesn’t sleep.”

“Wish I could learn that trick,” Bucky said bitterly. He saw Peter’s expression. “No, I guess I don’t.”

“It could be three days or more before he sleeps. However long it takes his body to pass out this time around. I’ll be there when he needs me.”

“Who’s there for you, kid?”

“Tony is. When I wake up crushed by tons of concrete or seeing my uncle get murdered or clinging onto the skin of an airplane as it falls from the sky or…”

“Price of admission to the Stark Tower penthouse suite,” Bucky said, “one lifetime of nightmares.”

“Basically,” Peter said, nodding. “You okay? Tony doesn’t like being alone after. You used to have Steve…”

Bucky sighed. “Not exactly. Our relationship was…”

“Complicated?”

He chuckled. “That’s one way to put it. The thing you and Tony have? We grew up in a different time.”

“I thought you two were together?”

“We were. But not like you and Tony. It was more… casual.”

Peter furrowed his brow. “You don’t sound casual.”

“It was all it could be. We were looking for different things. The thing I wanted… it wasn’t possible back then. Then other things became a habit… then it was hard to fall out of those habits…”

“Tony had those habits. He told me what it was like. I can’t imagine it. Not really. To know you want one thing, but lie and hide and pretend to want something else. I wouldn’t know where to begin.”

“Fear’s where you begin, Peter,” Bucky said. He rolled onto his side and balled up the pillow under his head. “I’m glad you don’t know where to begin.”

“Tony learned to get over it.”

“He had you to make him want to get over it. A cute boyfriend’s a pretty strong motivator.”

Peter giggled and blushed. “You’re a cute boyfriend, why didn’t Steve get over it?”

“I wasn’t even sure what we were. What we could be. What I even wanted us to be anymore. I had him before the war, I lost him after I shipped out. Then I had him again for awhile during the war and lost him again. Then I had him after HYDRA. But this third time? I think ‘lost’ has finally won. Whatever we might’ve had…” Bucky shook his head. “The Steve I knew, either before or during the war, wouldn’t have made the decision he has. Whoever he’s become, he isn’t my Steve anymore.”

They fell into silence. “Go to bed, Peter. You have class and I have the first of my debriefs with Fury. Trade ya,” he said, smiling.

“Not for all the money in Tony Stark’s bank account.” Peter leaned over and gave Bucky a quick kiss on his temple. “Good night.”

~~~~~

“He had a nightmare,” Peter said, sleepily settling on a stool next to Tony’s workstation.

“Hmm.”

“He and Rogers weren’t… together together.”

“That’s good.”

“The Chitauri are attacking again.”

“Uh huh.”

“TONY!”

“What?” Tony spun on his chair to face Peter.

“Good night, FRIDAY.”

“Good night, Peter. Good night, boss.” FRIDAY powered down the holotables and the screens.

“I thought I told you not to fuck with FRIDAY’s protocols anymore.”

Peter laughed and took Tony’s hands. “Build tighter access to prevent a hardware intercept.”

“No one else but you has access to FRIDAY’s hardware.”

“Then don’t complain about me adding a ‘good night’ protocol to her.” He pulled on Tony’s hands until he was standing and following him.

“I don’t have to follow you upstairs, you know.”

“Yeah you kinda do if you want to keep your hands attached to the rest of you.”

“God, I hate you, Peter Parker.”

“Ya love me and ya know it.”

“He had a nightmare?” Tony asked, having heard the whole thing.

“Uh huh. A bad one. Don’t worry. I was there when he woke up.”

“I do love you, you know.” Tony let Peter finish leading him to their bedroom door. “I’m glad you were able to help him,” he said. “I know it’s not his fault. It doesn’t… make it hurt any less.” he added, quieter.

“It hurts him too.”

“I know. That’s why I’m glad you helped him.” Tony kissed Peter lightly before closing the door behind them and letting him finish taking him to bed.

[boogdoesketo]

Le First Post

I’m gonna track my keto journey this way, via tumblr, because I can. I’m vulgar and I’m grumpy and I like to complain. If you don’t like those things, maybe you shouldn’t read any future posts from me. First and foremost: I have Hashimoto’s thyroiditis (diagnosed at 20), fibromyalgia (formally diagnosed at 24, though I’d been suffering way longer than that!), and I was diagnosed with PCOS last year. After the latest diagnosis, I decided to try keto out. I did it -- for a month -- and it kickstarted a 40 pound weight loss. However, since then, I’ve been on hormonal birth control, Metformin, and I tried IIFYM instead of keto, and I gained 10 lbs back after having put the medicine aside because of detrimental side effects.

So, here I am again, fighting a fibro flare and my hormones being wonky. I want to be around a long, long time for my kids, and be the best me -- for them! And for myself, too, because this brain fog shit is for the biiiiirds. Stats: Height: 5′2″ Age: 29.9 (oh god) Starting Weight: 148 Goal Weight: 125 Today, I ate ... a cauliflower rice bowl from Zoe’s, a hard boiled egg, a few, small squares of Lily’s Dark Chocolate + Sea Salt, a bit of shrimp scampi, and some coconut porridge. I’m pretty sure I killed the fats, though I didn’t enter anything into MFP or weigh it because it’s essentially day zero, and I wanted to re-acclimate myself to how much in the way of fats I had to nom. Oh, and I drank some of that stevia soda from Whole Foods -- it was okay, but it really lacks that bubbly bite you get from regular sodas. Hopefully, my MCT oil and my silicone ‘pans’ will be here soon from Amazon, so I can slurp on that good syzzurp and ... make fat bombs. Whoo. I feel actually like sluggish shit right now, too, because I’m on antibiotics for strep and I’ve got a sinus infection to boot. So, it’s time for bed. I’ll write more coherent pieces when I wake up. Maybe I’ll take pictures, too ... though that means I’ll have to clean the kitchen ...

[dearmomimissyou]

So yesterday I tried to make a post explaining the back story of what caused Sunday's mental breakdown to happen and I tried to save it to drafts after spending 30 minutes on it while walking Miss Phyre outside but Tumblr decided to cock out and didn't actually save it which led to another mini meltdown afterwards so I'm just going to skip the background. It hurts to mich to relive it a g a i n. So thanks Tumblr.

Sunday I went to Sam's house after donating plasma cause dad was working on the electrical and I figured I'd just spend time there instead of being home. Instead, I ended up having a breakdown on Sam's back porch. I started crying inside while in the fetal position on the floor and figured that I should go outside so nobody heard me. I violently sobbed for at least ten minutes and dug my nails into my arm because I wanted to punish myself. I also went outside because I wanted to destroy Sam's living room and I can't do that but I can destroy myself and my things. I kept wanting to smash my head into something and eventually I did on the banister twice and screamed both times when I did it. After some time like five minutes of so Nemo came out and tried talking to me and I blew up on them and basically blamed them even though it wasn't their fault. They were crying and begging me to get help dad came out too crying because he heard me say that somebody was tearing me down and making feel like shit about myself but he didn't hear who and at the time it didn't make me feel anything but looking back fucking hurts. Sam came out too after Nemo went inside I think to talk to dad about what was happening and she brought Nala Tyler's cat and asked if I wanted cookies or soda to feel better. I just remember ignoring her and being so annoyed with her in the moment.

Eventually I got to the point where I couldn't physically talk and typed a message to Nemo:

I want to me normal I WA. T to be fixed and go just can't cause miss Phyre needs attention and the dress fitting and I don't want to worry mom and tge family but fucking here I dpimg just that all the God dam. Duckknf time vsvauar I can't fucking control my stupid fucking brain

They asked if I wanted to go to the lds hospital crisis center or if I wanted to wait til tomorrow:

I have to go today cause if I don't there be an excuse tomorrow like I feel better it always happens

So they drove me home so I could get some clothes and stuff to bring to be admitted into inpatient. The whole time I was getting stuff I cried and kissed miss Phyre and told her over and over how much I love her and that I'll be back I'm not abandoning her.

So we get up to the access center thing and because of covid Nemo has to leave but I get taken back pretty fast for the physical part and asking the standard health questions. They also take my stuff including my phone and the pieces of paper that I wrote down all my problems on and a brief breakdown of my childhood traumas. I sit in a pretty okay chair for what feels like an hour. I cry a bit but nothing too noticeable when I finally got back to see the crisis counselor she basically said I'm very knowledgeable about my mental illnesses and told me that she'd let their therapy coordinator know to give me a call on Tuesday and also gave me her business card so I could call too and said as long as I'm not a danger to myself I can go home. In that moment I wasn't in danger of hurting myself more and I did want to go home instead of being admitted so I could take care of Miss Phyre but this was the second time a crisis counselor told me I wasn't in enough danger to be admitted like? Excuse me? Sorry my fucking emotions turn on a fucking dime but I absolutely need professional fucking help please?

She led me back to my chair to wait for the psychiatrist or whatever and that time I didn't have to wait as long. I got a turkey sandwich box thingy that came with a fruit cup chips and a string cheese as well as mustard and mayo in packets to put on it and tomatoes and Lettuce on the side so you can add them if you want them. I only had time to eat the fruit cup and started spreading the mayo on my sandwich before the psychiatrist came to me and we talked and he said the same thing as the counselor thag I'm very insightful about my failings and then put me on welbutrin instead of Lexapro and said I'm good to go home. I went back to the chair finished making the sandwich and then ate it while filling out their crisis sheet thingy that's like when I'm in a bad place who can I go to type shit. I still had to wait to actually be discharged so J ate the string cheese too. I finally left and had to wait another thirtyish minutes for Nemo to come pick me up.

What the scratches looked like right after being discharged. We went back to Sam's house because dad was still doing the electrical and we stayed there for another hour or two before going home. Don't remember much after the discharge honestly.

Monday was labor day and we went shopping I got my pills and stuff from Smiths. Then we went back home to wait for mom and Karleigh to get up so we could go to Joanne's tk make a playyard thing for aidrian and the dollar store for other stuff I don't remember. Then we went to the grocery store to get pita bread for dinner and something else I forgot but we ended up shopping and spent like 200 dollars. We also went to Lowes to get more pvc pipe for the playyard because dad apparently didn't get enough the first time. We ate dinner with Dave which was tikki masala and it was pretty dang good. Also before we got my pills I walked Miss Phyre for a while outside and she loved it. I decided to give her a bath afterwards since she doesn't wash herself and she was oaky the entire time she didn't meow or hiss or anything. She tried to climb out of the tub but not like in an aggressive manner like she didn't want anything to do with the water. She was such a good girl.

When Dave left we started working in the playyard. We wrapped some pink tulle on the sides and tied it to the pvc with some thin yarn. It took us hours to do and it was just mom Karleigh and me because dad went to bed. It was grueling work because my body was already exhausted from shopping all day and I had to hold my arms above my head for extended periods of time. My heels were in excruciating pain but we finally finished half of the playyard at about 1230 only to find out the other tulle we bought was the wrong stuff. It was too small to have it folded over to keep the sides secure and wasn't long enough to reach both ends of the other tulle so we had to give up for the night which actually pissed me off more than finishing it would have probably. I ended up only going to sleep at 5 am and waking up at about 9 on Tuesday but it was a nice cool day so I took Miss Phyre out for another walk and while we walked I typed up the previous Tumblr post. When I was ready to go inside and take a break from reliving the shit that happened I saved it to drafts so I could finish it later and brought Miss Phyre inside. Then I realized that it didn't actually save it and I had another breakdown but not nearly as intense as Sunday. It didn't help that the therapy coordinator never actually called me. I got a call from a bit for Intermountain that asked a bunch of questions like do I understand my discharge orders am I feeling safe did I get medication and do I understand how to take the medication and I had to hit 1 for yes 2 for no and 3 for unsure and one of the questions was like am I still feeling like I'm in a crisis or something and I had to hit 1 three times because it just wouldn't register it and that pissed me off and made me mad that it was automated and they didn't even bother to have areal human call and talk to me. After every question I answered basically they said were sorry to hear that well have a nurse follow up with you later today. I ignored both calls from the nurse because I just didn't have the energy to deal with it after the Tumblr thing. Like I wasted so much energy just typing it out and what little I had left just instantly sapped after I realized it was gone. The second voicemail the nurse left mentioned that it would be the last time trying to get into contact with me but also that our insurance has mental health advocates so thats something I need to look into.

Eventually Cavell told my dad that I needed to be watched I guess and since dad was still at work and mom had just left to take aidrian back home mandi came downstairs and spent time with me. Cavell told my sad that I needed to eat so he texted mandi to make sure I ate something and we went upstairs and made pizza and waited for dad to come home. After that we had to wait for mom and Karleigh to get back so we could go back to Joanne's to get the right tulle and while we were there I bought some double pointed needles so I could make some wrist warmers to hide the scratches. I also wrapped them up which just made it seem way more serious than it was since they were too close for bandaids to work right I had to use gauze and ace wrap.

We thankfully didn't finish the playyard yesterday we're supposed to some time today but hopefully I'll be asleep before then.

I also left the access center a review since they only had two. One one star review that was basically my experience and one five star with no description from an account that only gives 5 star reviews and seems like a bot.

Nemo wanted me to call the center for evidence based treatment last night because Google said they closed at 7 but when I called they closed at 5 so I called today instrad and nobody answered so I filled out their online form and I just got the response email from them so I'm going to hopefully get better soon I guess.

Love you always.

[chucksandjeans]

A DECADE IN REVIEW & GOALS FOR BEYOND

PRECURSOR

This is a difficult post to write because there’s a lot to reflect on. Where do I start? Over the years, I’ve gone back and forth whether it makes sense to write these things down. It all started years ago when LiveJournal was popular. I wrote down daily routines and activities that I did during the week. It was remarkably diary-oriented with little thought put into what I wanted out of it. This Tumblr account started 11 years ago in 2008 when I arrived in Singapore to start my semester abroad. I started to document my exchange adventures, foods I ate, sights I saw. It was a means to write down my life so I would not forget it. In more recent times, I continued writing down travel blogs but moved towards using writing as a way to plan for the future. It’s interesting looking back and seeing that my younger self scribbled notes about daily events, then grew into my 20s writing things down to not forget them, and now using writing to plan for the future. I wonder what the next decade in review will look like.

2010-2019 AT A GLANCE

Overall, I give myself A- for this decade.

RELATIONSHIP - A

I spent the first few years of the decade lost. I came out of a long-term relationship and hurt people along the way, myself included. It was a difficult time in my life and I was jaded for a long time. Between the ages of 22 and around 25, I was a quintessential tool that did a lot of things that I thought someone in their early 20s should be doing. Going out, dating random people, not being honest with anyone to protect myself. It took a lot of courage to get out of that state and looking backwards, it was a state that I had to go through. Things changed when I met my wife who pulled me out of that slump and showed me that love could be all powerful. I am so grateful for my past relationships because they all brought me to where I am today. My marriage has evolved from a simple swipe to dating to moving in to signing the papers and soon having our first child. It’s crazy to think back to 2010, what I was doing and thinking back then, and fast forward to today. It’s magical to see what life has to offer and I am only beginning to appreciate all the small things. I started weak but finished the decade strong.

FAMILY - B+

My family is small in Toronto and North America. I love them deeply and when I look back, I don’t think I truly showed them that when I was younger. My parents brought me here, giving up their careers and community, so I could have a better life. I gave them a ton of grief as a teenager and could have done a better job in my 20s to take care of them. As I grew older, I understand why my dad use to say “you’ll know when you’re older”. I use to roll my eyes but now I understand. I hope I can pass this knowledge onto my child(ren) so that they can mature their thinking. Likely, they won’t understand until they are adults too but that’s just how the cookie crumbles. My extended family in Hong Kong - I neglected them for the most part. I spent my 20s traveling around the world and only went back in 2018, 10 years after my last visit. I can’t express how happy I was to see them and at the same time, seeing how the years have taken its toll on them. I hope I still have time to see them and create memories before the winters go by. 

FRIENDS - B+

The definition of friend has changed dramatically. I use to think friends were the ones who I partied with, drank with and ate with. I tried to have as many friends as possible and know as many people as possible. What a silly way to think? People came and gone and I struggled with that, in particular when the fake friends faded away. Real friends faded away too. I can’t say that it came as a surprise but it definitely came. I use to think friends lasted forever - the way we hung out, how often we hung out, how many movies we saw - but now I see, just like everyone said, parties will eventually end. I had to redefine what the word friendship meant to me. Sometimes I look at photographs and see faces of people that I never see or talk to. Friendships evolve and I am glad that there are a handful that I cherish deeply. New friends, old friends, it’s time to think about who are the real friends.

CAREER - A

The beginning of the decade marked the beginning of my career. I started at E&Y in September 2009 so January 2010 was still early days. I just finished the CKE and going into my first busy season before the SOA and UFE exams later in 2010. It was a long time ago but it feels like yesterday. I wonder if 2010 VLiu knew that everything would be okay, that 10 years later, he would be still clueless and figuring things out. So much has happened since then, from being promoted to moving functions to companies. I got lost in a big company and searched for meaning in my work. I learned how to work tools and technology, networked and built relationships. I screwed up, joined the wrong company and returned to a career that I knew was not my passion. I met great people, managed a growing team and launched a business. I did case studies. I learned that my skills defined me but I could learn new skills. I pushed harder than I ever thought possible, mentally and emotionally. This last decade was a blur. What a blur.

TRAVEL - A+

I did well here. After the exchange semester and Europe backpacking trip in 2009, 2010 onwards marked the most active travel itineraries that I could dream of. Years ago I already started jotting down my goals on where to globetrot and as this decade comes to a close, I am proud to have been to 6 of the 7 continents, hiked some of the world’s greatest trails, lived in tiny huts and tents to lush hotels. It was a decade to remember and a passport to cherish. I grew a lot as a person having seen so many things and as I think back, I am very lucky to have had the opportunities, money, time and freedom (and companions) to see these places. Travel is good for the soul, and this part of my soul is happy. I marked Norway as my 50th country with my wife and no longer am I chasing stamps. I am now chasing memories.

HEALTH - B

I am proud of myself for creating a healthy lifestyle for myself early on even before 2010. I have a certain friend to thank for this, but early on in first year university, he inspired me to take up weight training. Since then, I have been dedicated to this activity and it carried through to 2019. I can’t say that I work out as much anymore. From 2010-2015, I probably worked out 5 times a week for at least 60 minutes per session and ate a ton of protein shakes. In more recent years, this has dialed back for reasons I am ashamed to say as laziness. I still go 1-2 times per week but that’s still way less than before. However, I am choosing to eat healthier with less meat which counts for something!

FINANCE - B+

I have been notorious with saving and believing that paying myself first is always the best path forward. I don’t know what the future holds so having a steady contribution to investments was the approach that I have been taking. Hopefully it works. I trust finance theory.

PERSONAL - B+

I am proud of what I’ve accomplished between 2010-2019. I’ve grown as a person personally and professionally. I have matured in how I think about friends and family, and what it means to be happy. I made mistakes along the way and I learned from them. Now, I am in a good place with all aspects of my life. Overall, it was a good 10 years.

FAVOURITE MOMENTS OF THE DECADE

Everything Celine-related: meeting her, getting to know her, building a relationship, planning a wedding, having the wedding, and all the ups and downs in-between. I think back and cannot picture my life without her.

Road trip: the drive from Toronto to LA was monumental and solidified some lifelong friendships that cannot be replicated. The memories are so precious and I am so glad that trip happened.

Buying a house and decorating: the rush of signing papers, moving in and the fun of hanging paintings and measuring furniture. Ah, first homes!

Walking the Highline NYC with Celine: it was just so magical. The sunset, the city, the photo that captured it all.

Weddings: this decade was filled with many joyous celebrations of my friends getting married. It was so beautiful to see them tie the knot and celebrate with old friends. I know I complained about too many weddings, but now that I think about it, I will miss the weddings.

Revisiting Singapore: SG has a special place in my heart. Seeing PGP again too. It feels like a different me but the same me. I miss that part of my life a lot.

Darth and See Lai month: 2015 was a rough year as I chose a terrible boss and made a made career mistake. Luckily for me, I had a network to help me and I got through it. Darth reminds me that most importantly in any career, happiness comes first. Money is a byproduct. The one month spent at home was filled with mom-son time. I loved every second of it, even though I was recovering from a traumatizing experience.

Jamie: Jamie Anderson, the classiest man I know. His deep voice, decisive attitude, and gentleman’s classiness, I will never forget.

Corporate Development: this was a huge career accelerator for me. The people that I met and the deals that I worked on set me up nicely for the rest of my career. Project Laker will always be my pride and joy.

Ventures, Anthony and Derek: Joining RBC Ventures was a life-changing experience. I finally learned that I could learn new skills, and be friends with the people I worked with. I met two of my greatest mentors. It was the time of my life.

Norway: nuff said. Norway 2 aka. Iceland was also great.

Travel stuff: all the places I went this decade were so great.

Duncan and NWTS nights: some of these nights I dragged myself out. Now that I think back, these are the nights I can’t and still remember.

Living in condos: Pinnacle has a special place in my heart. Moving from 12 to 16 Yonge and to 33 Bay several floors. I had fun living in my own filth hehe and eating take-out everyday, walking to the Goodlife at 8pm to workout. Everything has a time and place.

Being a douche in the PATH: slicked hair, fitted suit. Every dude has to try it once!

Mom karaoke parties: always a fun time!

Music festivals: Veld, Swedish House Mafia, Digital Dreams. #awesomesauce

Hanging out at NWS townhouse and walking to BBT with Stella: the summers that I lived downtown had some fun activities after work. The summers were always filled with nighttime fun like bars and drinking and walking Bentley.

Passing UFE: it was pretty cool studying for the exams and passing them!

Cube: club nights.

2019 AT A GLANCE

I am very happy with 2019. My wife and I came out of 2018 with gusto with new energy and dreams. This year had a fair share of ups and downs which taught me resilience and the power of positive thinking. When Steve left the company, I was devastate and had to learn how to deal with it while managing a big team. Celine and I hiked Patagonia and we found out we were expecting a baby. Later in the year, I found a new career direction while preparing for the new baby’s arrival. It was an experiential year with so much to be thankful for.

RELATIONSHIP - A

This was the first full calendar year of marriage. Celine and I are growing day by day and moving on to the next chapter with the arrival of our baby in a few weeks. 2019 was a much “easier” year than 2018 now that the wedding and the house costs are behind us, so we spent a large part of the year enjoying each other’s companies. We spent our honeymoon hiking in Chile, visiting family in Vancouver, and explored Italy, Slovakia and Hungary. We ate at amazing restaurants and created unforgettable memories. A few weeks ago, we ate at Patria, the restaurant where we had our first date, to close a chapter in our lives as a couple and welcomed the next chapter as a family of three. We are ready.

FAMILY - A

I really enjoyed this year because we had the chance to visit family with my parents in Vancouver. It was a very fun trip and one that was long overdue. Without the pressure of the wedding, 2019 was more of a breeze.

FRIENDS - A

We had a fair share of dinners and hangouts this year. Celine also hosted a few DTL sessions at home which was great. I also strengthened friendships with some old friends and new friends, which I am particularly proud of. 

CAREER - A+

There were a ton of ups and downs this year. From Steve leaving the organization to an unnamed person on the team who was a pain to manage, this was year marked with learning how to deal with things. My career was predominantly smooth sailing except for the grief that I cause myself mentally but this year was truly a test on my character and perseverance. I was lucky to have great mentors and friends who coached me through the hard times and I came out the other side a stronger person. Later in the year, I found happiness in a new career direction. I saw this as a culmination of my many sleepless days and nights thinking about what’s next, and an outlet for my trapped ambition. I am at peace with all the bumps that I encountered to get here because now I am here, and I love it.  Earlier in the year, I set out to find a role where I can develop new skills, stimulate my brain, gives me a strong network  and provides a leverage a brand. I can truly say that 2019 was a defining year for my career.

TRAVEL - A

Celine and I flew a fair bit this year from Chile to Vancouver to Europe. Chile was a beauty and brought me back to our road trip days in Norway and Iceland. Hiking in Patagonia, trekking the Atacama and sleeping in a rusty shack near the Magellan Strait are going to be memories of a lifetime. Vancouver, another great trip with family. Europe was a different feel and it was Celine’s first time in the Eastern side of the continent. The cuisine and history was super awesome and I’d go back in a heartbeat. From a work travel perspective, I had the chance to go to New Orleans for a few days and then San Francisco for 11 days for orientation. It was my spending so much time in San Francisco and I am thankful that I had the opportunity to experience it. Now I know that I shouldn’t pick a hotel in Tenderloin to stay in. I did not do well in setting a new travel goal however. After I hit 50 countries, it’s been challenging to think of a tangible target to run towards. I need to do that this year.

HEALTH - B-

This was an average year for health both physically and mentally. Physically, I’ve been going to the gym less and less, maybe 1-2 times per week. I did complete the RBC Race for the Kids 5km though in a pretty decent time, but next year, woooobooooyyy not sure. I spent many nights stressed and sleepless because of the ups and downs at the office so that was not great. However, Celine and I started doing affirmations first thing in the morning and before bed. It’s a chance for us to think about what we are thankful for. It’s become routine for us now, and it’s helped a lot.

FINANCE - B

We did well this year. Aside from being a big under the water after the basement and backyard renovations, which we had to do, we kept our spending in check and continued to save throughout the year. Celine and I are both aligned on how we view finances which is good, and a testament to how a rough 2018 year prepared us for 2019 and beyond (especially with a new baby coming soon).

PERSONAL - C+

I spent the last few years thinking about my career and very little on how to improve myself outside of that realm. I don’t know how much that has impacted me, but I can say at a minimum that it’s kept me up many a nights thinking about my career. Now that my career has been realigned, I should spend more time thinking about my goals from a personal perspective. In 2018, I did accomplish my goal of reading 3 books and writing in my journal 2x per month. These now seem like easy, attainable goals though so nothing to celebrate.

FAVOURITE MOMENTS OF 2019

Celine telling me that she’s pregnant: unspeakable happiness.

Hearing my baby’s heartbeat for the first time with my ear: this was so mind-boggling to me. For the longest time, the baby did not hit me as reality as much as Celine...since she was carrying Leia and all. But hearing her heartbeat changed it all.

Seeing my Uncle 1 and Auntie 1: I haven’t seen them for years...or a decade. I can’t remember now but it was warming to see them again in the same house years later.

At Stephen’s Basilica rooftop: the sunset was beautiful atop the church looking over Budapest. It was not quite Aksla, but it was indeed captivating.

Cuernos and Patagonia: the views, experience, air and water. The hike, although rainy, was perfect.

Borago: World’s 50 Best does not disappoint. My favourite was still the rainwater from Patagonia.

Windy shack in Punta Arenas: the town was lame but the tiny hut that called itself an Airbnb was memorable. The Magellan Strait is very windy and shook the house until Celine and I worried that the roof would fall onto us. Hah.

The day we almost died: Patagonia at its finest.

Steve leaving: this was a rough day for me and the beginning of a rough week. My world fell apart piece by piece and I did not feel career disappointment like this before.

Me leaving: the decision to leave Butter/Ventures was difficult and I weighed the pros and cons. I chose to leave under my criteria which was easy, but actually leaving was very hard. Luckily for me the relationships that mattered are still strong.

Various case studies: LOL.

Interview at Square: I got the first email when I got back from Europe in early September. From then until the final interview on Wednesday, October 23 was a rush. I received the offer verbally on Friday, October 25. I accepted the Saturday. It all moved so quickly.

Seeing NWS super happy about escape rooms: I rarely see NWS that excited and it was fun to see on Ryan’s birthday. Board games and escape rooms - it was more like NWS’ birthday.

GOALS FOR 2020 AND BEYOND

RELATIONSHIP

I will support my wife in her personal and career endeavors. I will encourage her to be creative, ambitious and honest with herself so that she can achieve her maximum potential.

I will be an attentive and caring husband, and try to be positive in the most difficult situations. I will listen first and offer an opinion after if suitable in the situation.

I will be cognizant that my wife is stressed from taking care of the baby and try to relieve her stress as much as possible.

I will recognize milestones and also everyday events because life is short.

Stretch: I will create and capture more memories outside of Instagram, through writing, photos or videos.

By 2029: I will be a model husband that knows how to cook, clean and take care of my wife and family. I will continue celebrating the big and small moments with my wife, remembering anniversaries and birthdays, and continue being the young-love that we have today.

FAMILY

I will be a great father, whatever that means! I don’t know yet but I promise to be a great one.

I will be more present in gatherings and create a balance where possible to bridge the various groups.

I will maintain a strong relationship with family overseas.

Stretch: talk to at least 1 overseas family member once a month

By 2029: I will be the father to 2 beautiful children. I will be supportive and understand them as much as possible, and try not to be a lame dad. I will have great relationships with my family and my in-laws, and maintain a strong connection those overseas. I will be back in HK at least 2 times in this decade.

FRIENDS

I will build on strong social bonds by reaching out, staying in touch, physically going to see friends, and recognizing special moments.

I understand that this aspect of my life may change with a new baby coming but I hope to maintain a relationship with at least my closest friends. I will not be non-existent to friends.

Stretch: hang out with 1 friend per a month

By 2029: I will be a great friend to a small group of people. I will celebrate their big and small moments, and try my best to keep the group close.

CAREER

I will think about my career more critically and plan out my path. Now that I have started a new path at Square, it is important to think about what I am learning here and map that out against where I want to eventually get to. This allows me to think about my career in a more structured way.

I will consistently evaluate my skillset and upgrade/up-skill where I see a gap, through reading books or taking a course.

Stretch: meet at least 2 new people every month who can help me in my career or gives me new ideas and add an international aspect to my experiences; discuss international opportunities with Square

By 2029: I will be managing a small, high-performing team in a career of my choosing. This career will pay well, have great people and culture, and grant me the flexibility to work the way I want to to suit my lifestyle. I will have international work experience.

TRAVEL

Find a new goal that revolves around travel and cultural exploration. I want to love travel immensely again.

Go to at least one place with the new baby on a plane.

Stretch: Take Celine and the baby to San Francisco for a few weeks.

By 2029: I will have been to 60 countries and went on 2 more big hikes (which could mean something like Patagonia). I will have been back to Africa somewhere, Asia and Australia. Europe is fine too but it will have to be Scandinavia or Eastern Europe. Our baby will be well-traveled.

HEALTH

I will choose to eat healthy food more often. In particular, this means more fish, chicken, vegetables and legumes, and less red meat, fried foods and dairy products.

I will eat more fruits and drink more water (at least 2L daily).

I will workout at least twice a week.

Stretch: drink 3L of water daily, workout thrice a week and run one organized 5km-run.

By 2029: my kids would be old enough by this time so that I can go back to a regular gym schedule. Between 2020-2029, I want to maintain a healthy body and mind, great sleep, and no need for drugs. I will have healthy cholesterol and X levels to be able to eat what I want and exercise the way I want. I will look good.

FINANCE

I will continue shifting the finances on a monthly basis to ensure that Celine and I are tracking towards our retirement goals.

I will spend less money on products and more on experiences.

I will cut back on impromptu purchases.

I will continue saving money for myself, Celine and the baby.

Stretch: plan for investment property

By 2029: we will have 2 investment properties and a sizable investment portfolio suitable for our stage in life. We will be have financial freedom defined as having enough money to do what we want largely without financial limitations.

PERSONAL

I will find out what it means to be a husband and father.

I will dedicate time to self-improvement through reading, listening to podcasts, thinking about the future and philosophical topics, and documentaries where I can learn something.

I will focus on what I can control and push out things that I cannot control. I worry too much so this will help me reduce mental stress.

I will be a better listener and only dish out tough love sparingly.

I will continue documenting my career ambitions and philosophies in my journal at least 2x a month.

I will clean the house once a month. This means wiping the windows, vacuuming and mopping the floors, bleaching the sink, etc.

I will not leave my shoes and jackets everywhere, and will not leave the lights on if I don’t have to.

Stretch: I will read 5 books this year.

By 2029: I will be happy.

[running-engineering-cats]

Indy Mini Half Marathon Recap

TL;DR - the race didn’t quite go how I planned, but I still had a great time and ended up with a nice new PR :)

Friday

My mom met me at my house, and after triple checking my packing check list, we headed down to Indy! The drive down and getting into the hotel went super smooth, and we headed to the expo! I got my race packet, we walked through the expo but didn’t buy anything, and I watched the race course video. I wasn’t nervous at all in the expo, all I really felt was excitement! I was ready for this race and ready to see what I could do.

After the expo my mom and I got some pasta, of course! That took a bit longer than I wanted, but we got back to the hotel before 10 and after doing some rolling and stretching laid down for bed! And I slept surprisingly well! I was very happy with this hotel as I usually sleep crappy in hotels because they’re so loud.

Saturday - Race day!

I woke up at 5:30 and turned the hotel room coffee maker on. I had brought my breakfast with me because I’m paranoid, so I was able to stay relaxed and comfy and eat my breakfast in the room. I felt very calm and I was excited to run! I knew this was a good sign since I wasn’t nervous at all. After I ate my breakfast, I got dressed and ready and my mom and I headed down stairs. It was sprinkling a bit at this point, but just barely, so it was actually pretty refreshing.

Right around 7, I met up with Lindsay, @lindsayisfindingflow! Two Lindsay tumblrs together haha! We had decided we’d do a warm up mile together and I was so happy we did :) it definitely helped me stay calm and was the perfect distraction during the warm up mile. Hopefully my nervous ramble weren’t too much for her :) Lindsay is just as cute and sweet as you would imagine :)

I was in wave 1, and Lindsay was in 2, so after the warm up mile we parted ways and I found my mom again. I quickly did some drills and then we made our way to my start corral! I was starting to feel nervous, but I know that’s normal so I just accepted it. Once I got to my corral there was hardly any time left, so I just hopped in, my mom played paparazzi, I waited a few minutes and before I knew it we were starting!

I remember telling myself to just stay super calm the first mile. I did not want to get swept up in the crowd and end  up running way too fast, so I just relaxed, checked my pace periodically, and didn’t worry about all of the people passing me. The first 3 miles went by SUPER fast for me. I was just focused on staying calm, and all of my miles were right at 9:00, so I knew I was doing a great job!

Between mile 3 and 4 Lindsay passed me! I knew she would since her goal was faster than mine, but it was so nice to see her for a second and get a little boost from her “go Lindsay!”. I had decided to take my first gel right after mile 4, since it lined up well with the water stations. I struggled a bit to get it out of my belt, but I finally did and started to eat it. This is when things took a bit of a turn for this race.

I have never really had any troubles with any gels I’ve taken. My stomach handles them well, and I can just keep running like I have been. However, this race was a different story. I think maybe I took too much in my mouth at once, but all of the sudden I was super nauseous and came very close to throwing up my gel! This had never happened to me before! Luckily I was able to keep everything down and finished me gel, I just took some deep breaths and the feeling passed. But my stomach was still not feeling the best. I told myself (again) to just relax and have fun, that’s the most important thing! I run to have fun, so if I’m not having fun, something needs to change.

At this point we were making our way to the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, so that was a nice distraction. My tummy was still off, but I did my best to concentrate on other things, like the crowd and their signs. And at this point the sun had started to peek out :)

Once we made our way onto the race track, there was a big banner for “Meb’s Motivational Mile”! This was the point in the course where Meb was going to be at the course to cheer all the runners on. I thought it was going to be a big booth or something, but once I got there I was surprised. It was just Meb standing on the side, bundled up since it had been a chilly morning. If runners weren’t really familiar with him, I doubt they would have realized who he was. But he was being super cheerful and was smiling and waving at everyone! And lucky me, he was on the side that I was running on, so I was able to get right to him, make eye contact, and get a high five!! I was pumped! He was super nice and posing for selfies with people, but I didn’t want to stop, so I was more than happy with my high five :)

After the thrill of Meb, there were a couple miles to run around the race track. My stomach was still feeling bad, and I was doing a lot of thinking to myself. Do I keep pushing, and risk feeling awful for the entire second half of this race, or do I pull back and bit and enjoy myself, even though that means I won’t get under 2 hours. I think we can all guess what I decided! I just didn’t want this race to be a struggle-fest the entire time. I wanted to have fun! And if that means slowing down and letting go of sub-2 hours, then so be it! I’d rather enjoy myself and have good memories than push myself, risk actually throwing up and missing my time anyway, and then all I’d have are bad memories.

This was basically right after I decided to just slow down and enjoy myself. Funny side note, I don’t even remember running over the famous stones! But clearly I did haha at this point my stomach was still upset, but I felt much more relaxed now that I had taken my foot off the gas some. My mom and I looked at my run charts later, and both got a good laugh at my heart rate. You can see exactly where I decided to relax hahaha

I had planned to take another gel at mile 8, but that was not happening at all. I was stopping at every water/Gatorade station though; to drink and take a quick walk break, but besides that my stomach was not going to handle anything else.

Once we were off the speedway, we essentially started making our way to the end. I did my best to just take in all the energy of the people around me! I listened to the bands as we ran past them, waved to the cute little kids, and just had fun with it! I was watching my time though, and even though I knew sub-2 was gone, I knew unless something bad happened, I’d have a great PR!

Once I got to mile 10, I knew just 3 miles left, and they ticked by pretty fast. When I got to mile 12, I tried to pick it up a bit, and was met with intense nausea, so I pulled back again. I did run was a few ladies who made me giggle because one of them said “I’m so bad at running, you’re all amazing!” which made me smile, and then one of them saw me smile and said “you’re still smiling at mile 12 you rockstar!” I always love the people in the crowd; they really make a big difference on race day :)

Once we got to the final bridge over the river with about a half mile left, I knew it was a straight shot to the finish line. At this point I did pick up the pace because I knew there was such a short distance left. As we were all making our way down, one girl next to me started to walk and looked very tired, but I quickly tapped her on the shoulder, gave her an encouraging wave, and said “no, no, come on keep going, the finish line is right in front of us!”. She said something along the lines of “okay you’re right! Thank you!” and I gave her a “great job!” and she took off in front of me! I was very happy to be there for her to give her that tiny bit of encouragement needed at the end :)

Right before the finish line I heard a “Lindsay!” behind me, got tapped on the shoulder, and I looked over to see the VP of my department running next to me! I know he’s a runner since he ran Chicago last year too, but neither of us knew we were running Indy this year. So random that we saw each other right before the finish line! But it was nice to see him and we high-fived after the finish line once we found each other again.

As I made my way to the finish line, I was searching for my mom because I knew she was waiting for me. At this point I was pushing harder and was ready to cross that finish line! I saw her, gave her my best smile and wave, and happily cross the finish line!

Official finish time: 2:03:05.  Side note: I love how strong my legs look in this picture!

I looked down at my watch and was very happy with my time! The last half marathon I did I ran in 2:08, so this was quite an improvement! A nice new, shiny PR :)

At this point, the sun had officially come out and it was a beautiful day! My mom and I made our way to the post-race party, found a nice piece of grass (because they had no tables set up?!) and just relaxed and listened to the music. My legs were tired for sure, but I felt surprisingly okay! I was able to eat some of the food they handed out and didn’t feel nauseous anymore. It nice to just sit in the sunshine with my mom and recap the race to her.

After we sat for a bit, we made our way back to the hotel so I could shower and change. We decided to get some food too, and we both got the fluffiest omelets ever, and I got a celebratory Bloody Mary :)

Overall, the race didn’t quite go how I had hoped, but I’m still very happy with it! I’m proud of myself for being able to decide to pull back and enjoy myself, rather than keep pushing and make myself miserable. I was able to keep this race fun for me, and now it will always be a fun memory I have. And there will always be other races to try again at! And now I still have the sub-2 goal to work towards :)

I’m so happy my mom was able to be there with me all weekend, she’s always the best race crew! We got to spend the whole weekend together too, which was super fun since we don’t spend nearly enough time together.

And of course I have to say thanks to all of you! I know you’re all cheering for me from afar, on race day and all through training, and it really means a lot to me!! Knowing you’re all there to support me, and comfort me when needed, really means the world to me! Tumblr friends are real friends, and we all know that is true :)

I haven’t decided what’s next for me yet, but I hope you all stick around to find out!! That’s a wrap for Indy Mini 2017! :)

[julyroots]

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

A butthead. Muah.

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Depends on the situation. I enjoy going out and doing things, but I also have social anxiety. Basically any time I have plans I have to give myself a mental pep talk and spend the next few days recovering.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

A butthead.

4. Are you easy to get along with?

I think so. If you’re good at handling sarcasm and dry humor.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

Yes. They already have.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Those who try and find the good in others.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Not outwardly.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

I have a feeling “butthead” is going to mentioned a lot in these questions.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Not really. I may be awkward about it sometimes, but I don’t feel uncomfortable.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Yep. Butthead is definitely going to be mentioned a lot in these.

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

Shushkiss*

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

This changes constantly. I’ll just list the ones I’ve listened to more than once the past couple of days.

Time In A Bottle. Sympathy For The Devil. Big Rocky Candy Mountain. All My Tears. I Fought The Law.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

God, yes.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

I believe everything happens for a reason. Even if we don’t quite understand what that reason is.

15. What good thing happened this summer?

I adopted a cat who is as weird as I am?

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Every morning. Every afternoon. Every evening. Every night. Forever.

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

I think it’s naive to think we’re the only life out there.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

No.

19. Do you like bubble baths?

A bit too much.

20. Do you like your neighbors?

They’re alright ;)

21. What are you bad habits?

I can be oblivious about important matters. I procrastinate. Opening texts, getting busy, and never responding. Overplaying songs I discover until I can’t stand them. Not having a normal eating schedule.

22. Where would you like to travel?

Anywhere and everywhere I can. Want to see the great parks of the U.S. Then travel to countries of my heritage.

23. Do you have trust issues?

I think most people do. It’s something I’m consistently working on. Trying to give people the benefit of the doubt, until they give me reason not to.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Mornoons.

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

I try not to focus on judging my body too much. It’ll age and looks will fade with time for everyone. Guess if I had to say I’d say fingers. Short and stubby.

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Stare at my ceiling trying to motivate myself to get up.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

It’s skin. It’s doing its job. I do not care about what color it is.

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

Butthead. And my furbabies. Both have seen and know too much.

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

Pretty much all of them have tried to get me back with me at some point. Always makes me feel guilty. You can’t force yourself to love someone though.

30. Do you ever want to get married?

I use to want that. Complicated now.

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

Nope. I can’t pull off a ponytail even when it is long enough for one anyway.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Ew. No.

33. Spell your name with your chin.

Gabbav

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

Use to. Softball, soccer, flag football, etc. Now I enjoy longboarding and occasional volleyball.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV. Music saves me.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Who hasn’t?

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Something to make it more awkward.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Butthead. Thankful to say they’re not a dream.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

2nd & Charles, Mr. K’s used bookstore, any antique shop I can find.

40. What do you want to do after high school?

Bahahaha. Clearly I am too old for this website. You youngins.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

I think you can forgive someone, but I also think its perfectly fine to remove that person from your life if they’re toxic for you.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

Usually overthinking or daydreaming.

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Probably a creepily amount.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

I’ve seen pictures of what can lurk at the bottom of some oceans.. I’ll take space.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

Needing a paycheck, usually. Or letting my dogs out.

46. What are you paranoid about?

I don’t want to think about it.

47. Have you ever been high?

Yes.

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Yes.

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

I don’t think so?

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Green.

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

When I was younger. I’ve grown comfortable with who I am.

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

My tendency to overthink.

53. Favourite makeup brand?

I’m not big in makeup. I only wear it when I want to prevent looking like death itself.

54. Favourite store?

2nd & Charles. All the blu-rays!

55. Favourite blog?

Don’t have one.

56. Favourite colour?

Green.

57. Favourite food?

Hibachi, probably. Pizza is a close second.

58. Last thing you ate?

Chicken biscuit from chick fil a.

59. First thing you ate this morning?

I didn’t.

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

4th grade Orange County Schools essay. 5th grade county choir show. Honestly I couldn’t tell you the official names of these. I forget they happened.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Nope. Goody two shoes.

62. Been arrested? For what?

Nope. Been driven in the back of a cop car across state lines, though.

63. Ever been in love?

Still am. First.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

Was a boy who lived in the neighborhood across from mine. We were always good friends. We were under a light post in my neighborhood at night. We were talking about first kisses. I said I hadn’t had mine. Few minutes later I looked away at something, he said my name, I turned to look at him and he landed one on me. Then the lightpost turned on and he said “Well it’s not fireworks, but..” I think I was 13 at the time. 9th grade. I wasn’t too happy about it at first, because I liked someone else, but in the end I was happy it was with him because we remained friends for years and the other guy ended up being a lot of drama.

65. Are you hungry right now?

No. I should be.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

I don’t really have any. I rarely talk to people on here. I’m bad at responding to messages. Any friends I have in real life are coworkers really.

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Facebook.

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr.

69. Are you watching tv right now?

No.

70. Names of your bestfriends?

Eh. I’d really only consider one person to be my best friend. Who’d I want to share everything with and talk to constantly. lwwnm

71. Craving something? What?

Time with butthead. Always.

72. What colour are your towels?

Blue.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

Four. I usually sleep on one, hold the other or lay my arm under it, and the other two are just to separate my head from my wall. Decorative.

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

No. I sleep with real animals. And a hat.

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

Maybe two? One I just got this past Wednesday from a claw machine when I went to Sparetime. The other is Yoshi from Nintendo that my brother gave me years ago. They’re both in my closet.

75. Favourite animal?

My favorite animal is a Moxie. You’d understand if you met her. Honestly though, I couldn’t choose between cats and dogs. It’s a different kind of love.

76. What colour is your underwear?

I’m in the tub currently. It’d be pretty odd to be wearing underwear now.

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Vanilla.

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

I use to love Strawberry Cheesecake from Ben & Jerry’s. I rarely eat ice cream nowadays.

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Again. In the tub.

80. What colour pants?

Okay well BEFORE THE TUB— wait no I wasn’t wearing any pants then either.

81. Favourite tv show?

Either Frasier or The Nanny. I can binge watch the heck out of those.

82. Favourite movie?

Can’t decide.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

There was a Mean Girls 2?

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Didn’t see 21 Jump Street. Show or movie.

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

I don’t know? I really don’t put this much thought into that movie.

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Probably Peach. Sassy little starfish. “That was the shortest red light I’ve ever seen!”

87. First person you talked to today?

Butthead.

88. Last person you talked to today?

Hopefully butthead. I like to start my days with him and end them with him. Though, it’s not really possible when I work at 6:55AM and they’re asleep. Can’t really avoid talking to coworkers/clients for hours.

89. Name a person you hate?

I don’t hate anyone.

90. Name a person you love?

C. T. C. Butthead. Gorramit. Squashblossom. Turd.

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Nah. I often want to give someone a pillow whack though.

92. In a fight with someone?

No.

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

Legit sweatpants? One.

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

Maybe three sweaters. Too many hoodies.

95. Last movie you watched?

The Dirt.

[canaryatlaw]

Alright, so today was pretty good overall. Woke up to my alarm at 7, took approximately 3 minutes to get out of bed but I made it. I was running a few minutes behind for a couple of reasons so I figured instead of running out the door to make my usual bus I could take the next one since my supervisor is on vacation (and let's be real, nobody gives a fuck what time I show up). Of course it's annoying that the buses either get me there at 8:50 or 9:15, lol, but it was fine. Got the orders one of the attorneys said she'd leave for me, and spent about 2 hours in her office tracking down the files to stick each of the orders in, which isn't just boring but also difficult because those files are way too damn heavy (imagine an accordion folder stretched to capacity and ripping open on the sides. Not exaggerating.) but I managed to get that done and then, as I expected, I had nothing to do for the rest of the day. I did make several bids to the attorneys I work under that I was free if they needed me to do anything, but nobody took me up on the offer, so I did the reasonable thing to do, which was of course to return to my desk and read fanfiction, lol. I don't like going on Facebook or tumblr on my work computer (I'll just use my phone for that since I have unlimited data finally) so my entertainment is somewhat limited, but I also got to get some random emails and things done, and I got an appointment for Friday for the X-ray place I found that can hopefully help me out. Yay adulting! The office was also holding a muffin contest today for some reason, lol, so I got to go and sample the ones in the different categories and vote haha. Most of them were quite good (though I admittedly didn't try any in the "healthy" category, lol). Went back to my desk and ate lunch, then tried to find out if there was anything going on in court to watch, but there wasn't, so I returned to reading more fanfiction at my desk, lol. Left at my usual time and made it to the other courthouse with some good time yet. I was a witness tonight and I hadn't pulled a really ridiculous witness in a while, but I didn't really intend for this own to happen, it just sort of did lol. It was a car accident case, and part of the facts we semi-made up was that my "wife" was pregnant so I thought just for kicks I'd refer to her as "my wife and little Tommy" and I realized in my head I said that with like a southern redneck accent and it all kind of blossomed from there, lol. The rest of the class was alright, the first case was pretty standard, and then ours was all over the place. I'm with the guy I'll be partners with for my final trial, and he's good but he definitely already thinks he's a hot shot lawyer and tries to pull all sorts of shit that's admittedly hilarious. And then the other lawyer was the 3L girl whose work is always rather cringeworthy, so between the two of them I was waiting for it to be my turn to get on the stand and turn this thing around, lol. It didn't help that my lawyer forgot to right a cross of the other witness, so he had to do it on the spot and was sort of ridiculous. So I just get up there and go for it, absolutely ridiculous stereotypical accent in place and oh, I had every in stitches. It was so great, the other students were laughing, the judge were laughing, and the lawyers and other witness were laughing. I just kept super over-enunciating words to the point of ridiculousness but I swear it worked so well. We had gotten into an earlier discussion about the length of a city block, as if was related to how far away the car was when the light turned yellow, so we were going back and forth on that, and the other witness was an architect so he should reasonably have a good idea of measurement. So then on cross I get asked what my profession is, which just straight up isn't in the problem, so I go with the most random thing I could think of and said I was a baker (in full redneck accent, of course) and then she asked if that involved a lot of measuring and I was like "well measuring flour, not street distances" and at that point the whole thing had just gotten so ridiculous everyone was in stitches and I actually broke down on the stand and couldn't stop laughing because it was beyond hilarious. The judge at that point was basically like okay that's enough cross, we can leave now so we headed home. I sped home as fast as I could on a train and two feet of course, and immediately flipped on legends, which I'm feeling.....odd about. I may make a longer reaction post once I've contemplating my feelings on it a bit more but right now I just knew in feeling a lot of emotions but I don't know what they actually are and how it relates to my feelings regarding them going forward, Len in particular of course. It just seems like there's gonna be a lot to wrap up in one episode, and there's been pretty much no discussion of actually getting him back in one way or another, but I hope of course that's something that becomes part of their inevitable reconciliation and fixing reality. Okay, I thing hide are enough of my feelings for now, maybe more at a later time this week. Right now eyeballs want to be closed so I will be doing that now. Goodnight my sweeties. Have a lovely night.

[wandermaximov-blog]

ultraviolet [Part 1]

Pairing: Peter Parker x Superhero!Female!Reader

Warnings: Bad description of violence because I’m not very good at it, cussing

Summary:  You are a superhero, struggling as any teenager would to balance school life with vigilante justice. When you meet Spiderman, he throws a wrench into your works, informing the government of your existence. You've worked so hard to stay off the radar - will you accept the government's offers, or will you remain a solitary figure?

A/N: Hey! It’s “isactuallyspiderman”/MJ from Quotev. I’m still working on figuring out Tumblr, so please forgive me if the whole formatting thing is wrong/messed up. <3 (gif originally posted by @bnsplmn, by the way)

                 New York City, New York. 

        A hotbed for alien attacks and superhero sightings. The world was being avenged from one side of the city and defended from the other. Surely, they didn't need more vigilantes running around with so many people protecting the state.

        But you sure as hell weren't going to Jersey.

        As you passed by a nearby alley, you heard a shout followed by a cry.

        Without a second thought, you made your way into the alley. Sounds of a struggle hit your ears - you cracked your knuckles, violet bolts of energy dancing across your fingers. 

     Your father was a psychologist, and a good one at that. If he knew his daughter spent her nights fighting small-time criminals, he's probably blow a gasket and try to shrink you. 

     Oh well. 

     At least you were making a difference. 

     Just a few buildings down, Spiderman heard a woman cry out. In a rush to get to find the source of the sound, he shot a web to sling toward the next building. 

     He miscalculated how high it was, and had to hastily let go of the web to avoid smashing into the side of a building. 

     Thank God for dumpsters. 

     He'd fallen into the alley where conflict was arising. From his position in the trash bin, Spiderman could barely see what was going on. A man yelping, a bright purple light, something colliding with the dumpster.

     With only a slight flail, Spiderman threw himself out of the dumpster. He immediately dodged, avoiding a punch thrown in his direction. Bewildered, he shot a web at the attacker. It was a girl, whose arm was promptly stuck to a wall.

     "Stay right there!" Spiderman demanded. 

     "You fucking asshole!" She shouted in response, her voice muffled by her mask. 

      "Now there's TWO of you?" A man groaned, drawing a knife from his jacket. (It matched the one he had in his other hand.) Spiderman's suit beeped, his A.I.'s voice commenting on the situation.

     "Peter, be careful. I scanned the man, he has a criminal record." 

     Spiderman - Peter - shot a web at the guy's feet. "Karen, what about the girl?" He asked, turning to face her.

     "What girl, Peter?" 

     She was gone, only leaving singed webbing in her place.

    Peter spun in a circle, trying to find any trace of the girl. 

     "Karen, did you get a chance to scan her?" He asked, climbing to a nearby roof to get a better vantage point. 

     "I tried, Peter."

     "Tried?"

     "She was wearing a mask. All I could see were her eyes, but they were glowing too bright for me to get any kind of retina scan."

     Peter rolled onto the roof. He stood, making his way to the edge. 

     "So, she's gone. And we have no idea where." Peter sighed. His phone chimed, bringing up various blogs and media posts. 

     "Karen?" Peter asked, flicking through the posts. "What is all of this?"

     Peter's eyes settled on a photo - the girl had a glowing shield drawn before her, blocking bullets in an apparent Bronx shoot out. 

     "I reverse image searched the photos I managed to take of the girl with social media posts. Geotags are always around the Bronx and Hell's Kitchen."

     Peter swallowed hard. 

     "What's she called?"

     "Ultraviolet."

---

     Peter had left the criminal and called the police instead. He couldn't stop thinking about Ultraviolet, the powers she had, and who she might be. She worked in dangerous places - nearly all of the photos Karen had shown him were geotagged in the bad parts of town.

She was dangerous. It was Peter's duty as a hero to stop her.

---

     You flopped onto your bed, rolling about until you had sufficiently wiggled out of your pants. You stood to change into pajamas, listening intently for your father's footsteps. He was a busy man, and wasn't often awake after ten P.M.

     You checked the time on your phone. 2 A.M. You were safe.

     You were tired, and had school in the morning. You couldn't shake the feeling that you'd seen that Spiderkid somewhere before tonight. With a huff, you slid your private laptop out from under your nightstand to do some research.

---

     You regretted staying up so late when you woke at six the following morning. You hadn't gotten to bed until nearly four-thirty - you'd been distracted from your research for about an hour. You started out on a video clip of the Spiderkid on YouTube, which led to other viral video clips, and before you knew it, you were watching obviously fake ghost sightings.

     You dressed in dark jeans and a striped top. It was the exact same thing you'd worn yesterday afternoon, but you didn't have the energy to grab clothes that weren't on your floor. 

     Mondays sucked.

     You grabbed your backpack and left your bedroom, entering the open living room in the large apartment you called your home. Your dad was awake already, sipping at his steaming coffee. 

     "Ow," He hissed, taking another sip. "Ow!"

You chuckled. "Stop drinking it if it's so hot." You snarked playfully as you grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.

     "But I want to drink it." Dad whined in return. The two of you laughed. It was kind of sad, at least /you/ thought it was, that your dad was your best friend.

     Well, one of your two best friends. 

     "Are you meeting that boy again?" Dad asked. You rolled your eyes.

     "You know his name, he's been my best friend since eighth grade." 

     "I know. Are you meeting Peter for breakfast?" He asked. You nodded. "Yeah, he bought me lunch on Friday so I'm buying breakfast today."

     Dad hummed. 

     "Well, you should leave soon if you're going to meet him somewhere."

     You scoffed. "It's barely 6:15, he won't be up for another thirty minutes."

---

     Peter didn't wake up for another hour.

     He muttered child-friendly curses as he yanked on the same clothes he wore yesterday, ignoring the wrinkles plaguing his sweater.

     Mondays sucked. 

     Peter grabbed his backpack and his wallet, entering the living room. He crawled over the couch, flopping onto it as he was too lazy to walk around. 

     "I was wondering when you'd wake up." May spoke from the tiny kitchen.

     "My alarm didn't set," Peter rubbed his face with his sweater sleeves. "And I was supposed to meet (Y/N) early for breakfast."

     "She came by. She said she'd wait for you in the lobby, if you ever woke up."

     Peter groaned, rolling off the couch to head to the lobby. Hopefully (Y/N) hadn't left yet. "I'll see you later, Aunt May!" He hollered over his shoulder.

     You were still in the lobby. 

     "How long have you been here?" Peter asked, bumping shoulders with you as the both of you left the building. 

     "Only ten minutes. I took my time because you didn't send me a good morning Snap." You smirked.

     "Aw, fudge." Peter's shoulders slumped. 

     "What?"

     "I left my phone in the apartment."

---

The two of you stopped at a cafe and grabbed breakfast to go, eating as you walked and talking while you ate. 

     "So," Peter coughed, choking on his breakfast. "You didn't get much sleep either?" 

     You shook your head. "No, I had more research to do for my English assignment." You lied. 

     The school gates were still open, despite it being ten minutes past the tardy bell. 

     "Are you sure you're okay with being late?" Peter felt bad about making you late. 

     "Yeah. If they make a fuss about it, I'll send Dad after them. He'll therapy them until the tardy is gone."

     Peter chuckled.

     "Did you just use 'therapy' as a verb?"

     "Shut up, Parker."

     You both entered the school, unaware that you'd spent part of the night together. 

---

Additional A/N: This looks so weird on Tumblr! It’s also a fairly old chapter, and my writing has already improved so much since this that it’s almost cringy, haha. Seeing as this is my first post on here but I’m already on chapter 6 on Quotev, I’ll be posting ch. 1-5 tonight. If you see this and want to be on a tag list, send me a message and I’ll make a list for next time. <3

[averagequeerstuff-blog]

Christmas Eve

12/24/2017

10:25

The universe does not want me to make this post tonight. This is my third fucking time restarting my writing. The first time my browser decided to randomly refresh and I lost a nice long entry I was just about to post. I learned the lesson that I should probably type my entries in Word before pasting them into a Tumblr text-post. The second time I unplugged my laptop on accident when I got up to get Meatball off of the T.V. stand. She was knocking shit off, like cats do. You can stare at them and say “No!” while they make direct eye-contact with you as they swipe shit off and onto the floor. Pesky little shit. While I was getting up, I unplugged my laptop by accident which needs to be plugged in to stay on. Needless to say, Microsoft Word proved to be incredibly useless and it didn’t save my progress. So now I’m moving onto Google Docs. This has been a not-so-relaxing night of failure and lessons learned. I’ve also been reminded I need a new computer really fucking badly. It doesn’t stay turned on unless its plugged in. The charging cable easily falls out. Letters are skipped while typing. I thought writing was going to help me relax, but really it's just made me realize how much I hate technology. I spent almost two thousand dollars on this laptop, it’s not even 2 years old, I have taken pretty damn good care of it, and here we are. Sigh. Without further adieu, I start this entry for a THIRD time, nearly an hour later from when I first started at 9:30 pm. Hopefully it’s as detailed and good as the first two times, but I’m giving myself some slack. Feet don’t fail me now.

It’s Christmas eve, as you can probably tell by the date on the top of this post. I’ve been listening to Dolly Parton’s Hard Candy Christmas on repeat for almost an hour. It’s starting to get just a LITTLE old at this point, but Dolly Parton is a queen and I always have time for her. I don’t really like Christmas and my dad doesn’t really celebrate it either, so whatever. I’m sitting alone in the room I’m staying in typing and scrolling aimlessly through Scruff and Grindr. Probably not the best idea to be on these apps. I’m just horny, sad, and in a small very sparsely populated state. Probably the worst combination in the history of all combinations, ever. Once again, the universe is out to make me miserable.

Can you tell how dramatic I am yet? It’s pretty fucking incredible.

Yesterday I went to Riverton for two reasons: the first reason, to visit my grandma Peggy. The second, to meet up with two friends, Robert and Shayna, at a 2-spirit meeting on the reservation in Fort Washakie. It was great to see my grandma. She looks a lot older than I remember her looking, and it made me a little bit sad. I really need to get better about staying in touch with my family members. I got busy in college and neglected a lot of relationships. You live and you learn, I guess. I’m going to start committing myself to calling the family members I love. I need to hold myself more accountable for this. Her dog Cesar recently passed away from problems with diabetes. He was the same breed as my dog, Cleo (Get it, Cleo and Cesar, cute right?) who also currently lives with my grandma. I sent Cleo there when I left to college because I figured my grandma could take better care of her than my dad could. My dad doesn’t hate animals, but dogs in particular take a lot of love and affection to be happy and healthy. My dad is not the most affectionate person on earth. Although, he seems to really care about the pets that live in his house now. I think he regrets a lot of things in his life, how he used to not care about animals being one of them. My dad and Cynde have 3 cats... Bubbles (my good boy who I grew up with. He is getting old now) Miley, and Maximus. Miley and Maximus are scared of everything. They are also aggressive self-petters... Meaning, if your hand or appendage is dangling from an arm rest, they will come up and aggresively rub their faces on it and “pet” themselves. Miley gets really into it. Maximus is more cautious than she is. My grandma is a total animal lover, and has a big yard and garden for Cleo to run around in. Cleo was happy to see me, and she definitely remembered who I was. My grandma also has a lot of cats and another dog named Shorty. They are all fucking adorable. My favorite cat of my grandma’s is one named Gravy. He is 2 years old. He’s a soft and sleepy boy. He’s very cuddly, too. His mouth falls open when he’s really relaxed and sleeping. I took a picture:

My grandma seems happy and healthy. She made us a big dinner last night… Turkey, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread, and pie. It was tasty and my dad and I brought a lot of leftovers back to Greybull.

A funny story that involves both my grandma, AND the pie: my grandma is sort of a conspiracy theorist. She would never call herself that, however. One of the first things she did when I got to Riverton was hand me a packet telling me how I can spiritually awaken myself during the holiday season and how now is the best time to do so... Anyways- back to the pie. She recently purchased this small plastic tube, I’m assuming from the internet… I tried not to ask a lot of questions because I didn’t want the conversation to go on for hours. My grandma explained to me and my dad after pouring us two glasses of water that this water in particular was better for you than regular water because it had been run through this “device” (the tube). Apparently it helps purify the water and add oxygen to it. Cool I thought, all fine and dandy. But then she started talking about using the tube to restructure unhealthy foods by blowing into one end and circulating the air you’re blowing out of it around the food on the plate. She said it can help restructure the molecules within the pie to make it a little healthier and draw out the toxins in your body and the heavy metals in your brain from bad food and vaccines (You can’t make this stuff up). My dad and I just humored her and nodded our heads, trying to make the conversation end. I love my grandma, but I worry about her being on the internet sometimes.

The drive to Riverton yesterday morning was pretty rough. We had gotten up at 7 am to drive about 2 hours there and the weather was less than ideal. Thankfully my dad was driving because I had spent the night before getting drunk at Ashley’s. Ashley and I had made plans that night to go out “bar-hopping” in Greybull. Yeah. It was EXACTLY as you’d expect. Disappointing. I believe there are 4 bars in Greybull. The Silver Spur, the Smokehouse, Lisa’s, and another one whose name I can’t remember right now. The Silver Spur and the Smokehouse were like, grossly well-lit, and no one in the bar was under the age of 40. Bars… If you want to help your business and attract a younger crowd please do 3 things:

Turn off the bright, ugly, fluorescent lights. Ambient lighting is nice.

Don’t be in Greybull, Wyoming.

Stay open past 10 pm.

We ended up going to Lisa’s, a locally owned bar and restaurant. Honestly, not bad. I had two Chimney-Rock Margaritas, and a lot of chips and salsa. I saw two of my classmates from high school. One I used to have a crush on, the other, well, let’s just say, the good ol’ high school glory days are DEFINITELY over. That’s all that needs to be said. It's always nice to see people who used to relentlessly bully you go way down hill after high school. Karma, maybe? We went back to Ashley’s that night and I got progressively more drunk off of gin and La Croix (sounds white, I know). I think I ended up leaving her house at like 4:30 am after her brother Josh woke me up after I fell asleep on the basement couch. I got home, sadly ate some Ruffles potato chips in bed, and woke up an hour and a half later to sit in a cold car and drive to Riverton. Everything ended up being okay, thank god. I take good care of my body, obviously.

Like I said at the beginning, I also went to Riverton to meet up with friends. Robert and Shayna work for Wyoming Equality and have done some pretty amazing things for LGBTQ+ people in our state. They invited me to go with them to a 2-spirit meeting on the reservation in Fort Washakie. It was really amazing to gain a new perspective from a community I previously did not have a lot of knowledge about. I listened to everyone’s stories and experiences. It felt important. It IS important. There was a gift exchange of hand-made gifts when the meeting was over. I made a drawing to contribute:

I unofficially named it “There is power in a limp wrist”. I made it to kind of serve as a reminder to take pride in queer identity. I believe there is power in queer identity. I believe queer people are special.

After the meeting we went with everyone to a new Hookah bar in Riverton. The bar owner is black and queer. I think it is pretty great Wyoming has something like that. I’m happy that a black and queer business owner is being supported in Wyoming. It’s things like this that give me hope when I feel like the whole country is going to shit. Later that evening we went and ate at the Wind River Casino. After dinner, I put a dollar in the penny slot and won 5 dollars. A 500% profit. Go me. It paid back half of my meal. I had a good time. A little bit of my faith was restored yesterday. As I said, there is power in queerness.

It’s 11:20 now. Almost Christmas day.

Happy Holidays.

-E

[marsufinalami]

Chaos?

Hello guys, whatcha duin’?

So I finally have finished my clerkship period that started 1,5 years back then. And I was so happy, till now, I am.

but then I realize that the exams come closer, and really, it’s super scary guys.... cz I haven’t prepared anything for it. so I decided to take a short course for that, and I am sure I’ll be so damn busy till the exams catch me. wish me luck, guys! tons of luck!

So yesterday I got my 10-days-off and literally spend those precious time by chillin out. I went to Dufan, (again) cz I don’t know whereelse to go :’) I spent my money for shopping (and now I regret that......), also for doing unnecessary thing (I regret that even more ........ damn!)

I’ll get to the point.

the point is, I was superbly bored then I decided to call someone, asking him out. someone I haven’t contacted for such a long time. such a longggg time. someone whom I had memories thru koass-lyfe and now we barely even speak to each other.

and he replied, and said yes. yes to meet me. I ask to watch Beauty and the beast and he agreed. (really? that movie was 2 hours long, and half of that was so full of sing and sing and sing....... and he did say yes to watch that with me)

but that night, the seat was full-booked and we decided not to watch that and we went outside and eat. and we talked, like never before. of course we came up with some stories of us being away for each other, what have we done in those time and so on..... I couldn’t tell.

I was so sure that night will be my last night meeting him again in person, cz I’m gonna be so damn busy till my exam time, and I’m pretty sure that he won’t ask me out, or even text me. but I don’t mind. I really don’t. not because of my feelings for him had changed, but I just don’t want this kind of feeling ruined my mood and mind, so I’ll just let that go.

but then he ask me to go out again, to watch the movie. and I said yes. so 1 week later we went out again to watch that movie together. so that was the second time meeting him, again.

we had enjoy that night, and on our way home, he asked me out again to go on a “getaway” trip to someplace far where we could take a train to be there. just to get on a train........ and again, I was a bit shocked but I keep saying yes. and we went out again.

okay, for those who haven’t know this person, I am telling you that this person was super. I mean, he was a complete opposite of me. he was an A-typed person, who was really prepared for everything he did. He’s kind, loyal, neat, but also weird, like we dont have the same thing to be laugh for.

But I did fell in love with him, or I should rather say, I attracted to him. (I’m not so sure)

He was there in my beginning of coass time, he accompanied me thru my hard time in coass, we had a good time together, and finally he got a job outside the town and leave me here in Bandung. we used to go home together, ate dinner together, talked on the phone till night catches us,  but things changed after he got a job that take half of his life so for some reason he couldn’t contact me. and I went selfish. and...... he’s gone for like, a long time.

and it ends our story back then.

I even told him my feelings for him the moment before he went outside the town for his job, but I just told him that I liked him, I liked being around him, and I would like to be around him for a longer time, but I wasn’t sure (till now I am) if my feelings should be called love or not. and that night, he called me on the phone, and said that he has read my letter and decided to take everything slow and let it flow, cz if it’s meant to be, if we were meant to be together, we will be.

and I cried the moment he left me for his job. but at first we keep making time to contact each other, even it’s only once a week, it isn’t much. but I still happy I get to know what he did there, how did he do, and he still spent his little time he had to give me atleast some news about him.

but as my coass-life getting hard and harder, I went selfish and I want more from him that I know he couldn’t do for me, I want much more time from him, that I know that it was impossible by seeing his busy job. and we talked less, everytime we made time to call, it ends up by me mad at him for some unknown reason. at first we found it cute, but at the end, it frustrating each other.

and he left.... like no news at all for me, no texts, no phones, nothing from him I heard more.

He used to be my very first man I told everything to (excluded my dad ofcourse), he used to be my very best friend that could calm me down whenever exam getting closer and I was super anxious. he used to be my mood stabilzer, my antidepressant, my manic-controller, my important person whom I could lean everything to. but things got so different and I never heard him again.

I tried to move on, and go on with my life without him, like before I met him. I tried to focus more on my coass. I often remembered him, I wonder what he did there, did he met a girl? did he happy out there? did he ever for once wondering about me? but I tried not to call even though I want it so badly.

till 5 months ago I finally text him, ask him, how’s his life but he replied it politely, but cold. like he was a super different person from the last time I met him. and then I realize that things might never be the same again as before. I decided to let it go and move on.

till 1 week ago, when I got my 10-days-off, I text him and we finally went out together. I won’t get my hope fly high, but I am very happy for that moment finally we could had our good time again after such a long time.

ah! what a long post........ haha thanks tumblr! and see you in my next story~ (hopefully it‘s a good one)

[starker-stories]

An Accord (WIS), Chapter 5

I’ll be re-creating my individual chapter posts for An Accord over here on the blog that replaces starkerstories. Until I hit the current chapter, I’ll be posting daily. They’ll have links to both tumblr and AO3 chapter links. I’m sorry if that bothers people who’ve seen this all before in the tag. I’m content to leave all my other fic as AO3 only, but this is my current favorite child, so I’m spoiling it rotten.

This fic is on a weekly update schedule. Hopefully every Friday. More chapters may appear sooner if the writing is going well. Because I have 0 self-control.

Tumblr Chapter Links: ch1, ch2, ch3, ch4, ch5, ch6, ch7, ch8, ch9, ch10, ch11, ch12, ch13 AO3 Chapter Links: ch1, ch2, ch3, ch4, ch5, ch6, ch7, ch8, ch9, ch10, ch11, ch12, ch13

Tags: Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Polyamory Negotiations, Polyamory, Cheating, Past Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Domestic Nightmare Tony Stark, Reconciliation, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, WinterIronSpider, Happy Ending, Clothed Sex, Domesticity, Peter Parker is legal age in the state of New York, College Student Peter Parker, Takes place about 2 years after Civil War. Closeted Character

Summary: “Steve Rogers is the one and only voice of authority for the entire world.” Bucky ducked his head. “I may have asked him when he was going to be fitted for his armband.” ——————————————————————————————

Chapter 5: On accounta the stew

“Oh god that smells good,” Peter said, padding barefoot from the bedroom around ten into the kitchen, wearing a baggy pair of sweats and an even baggier, threadbare MIT t-shirt. “But y’know you don’t have to keep cooking for us.”

“I have to eat,” Bucky said with a shrug.

Tony followed next out of the bedroom, slightly less dressed, wearing only a pair of boxers, but apparently a shower had been taken because he was wearing considerably less dirt. “You don’t have to earn your keep here, Bucky.” Tony opened the drawer next to the fridge. “If I don’t have a menu for a place in here, it’s because their food sucks. FRIDAY, give Bucky level 1A access to you and 2 access to everything else.”

“Yes boss.”

“There ya go. Order what you want whenever you want it. Though not if you want to spend seven billion on a microscope.”

“And put a huge dent in the thing,” Peter chided.

Tony rolled his eyes. “It’s the casing. It doesn’t affect how it works, just how it looks. If it offends you so much, I’ll fabricate a new one out of gold-titanium alloy that’s harder to dent.”

“Oh god you’re gonna do that anyway just to make it red and gold.”

“You know me so well babe,” Tony said, grinning. He went over and looked into the huge pot simmering on low on the stove. “What is that?”

“Our late dinner.” Peter stuck a long spoon into the pot. “Stew. And it’s delicious.” He got a bowl and filled it.

“It’s all right,” Bucky said. “I ate about… oh… four hours ago. Y’know, Tony, soundproofing might be an investment worth considering,” he added, laughing.

Peter turned bright red. “Oh god.” He sat the bowl of stew down at the end of the table for Tony and filled another for himself.

“This is actually… good,” Tony said. “Tastes like the Irish stew Jarvis used to make.”

“Vision cooks?”

“Not JARVIS, Jarvis. Our butler.”

“You had a…”

“Of course he did,” Peter said with a sigh. “You get used to him dropping things like that as if everyone in the world grew up in a huge mansion with a butler and a staff. Do not ever expect him to change the sheets.”

“That’s what the staff is for.”

Bucky sat at the table across from Peter, next to Tony. “Steve would say it’s not proper Irish stew because you didn’t have any stout. Like Sarah ever kept liquor in her house…” He stopped suddenly, caught by the memory. “Sorry.” He hesitated. He wanted to talk about it but wasn’t sure of the reception. He decided to chance it.

“Even after your dad’s experiment changed him, he was still Steve. He was different, but underneath the whole Captain America thing, he was still the kid I grew up with in Brooklyn. He was a soldier, like the rest of us. A little headstrong, rubbed up against orders sometimes, but he took them.”

“I’m sorry,” Peter said, he reached his hand across the table and touched Bucky’s.

“Which is why I couldn’t understand…” Tony shook his head. “A hundred and seventeen countries, including this one… and half of his team… thought accountability was a reasonable request that the world was making of us.”

“It is,” Bucky said. “I spent the last year, since I left Wakanda, listening to Steve. The way he described it, in the context of what happened to SHIELD, not trusting another World Security Council sounded reasonable.”

“Why’d you change your mind?” Tony asked.

“I read them. He had his copy still. I couldn’t sleep. I’d read just about everything else where we were staying. So I actually read the Accords for myself.”

“They’ve been amended since then.”

“I saw that when I signed. I made them wait until I read the addendum pages.”

Tony laughed. “I bet they loved that.”

“After I signed, that’s when I got into it with him. He’s mad I signed. I still don’t understand why he didn’t. You guys, the Avengers, he said you were soldiers.”

Tony scoffed. “I’m not a soldier.”

“Well, you take orders better than one former U.S. Army Captain.” Bucky huffed in anger. “Without an effective chain of command, without oversight, there’s nothing to stop an army from turning on the people and putting someone like Hitler in charge. We both saw that happen. But no. Steve Rogers is the one and only voice of authority for the entire world!” Bucky ducked his head. “I may have asked him when he was going to be fitted for his armband.”

Tony sputtered around a forkful of stew. “I’d’a paid money to see his face.

“But you get it,” Tony continued. “When I found out what Stark was doing — what it was allowed to do — not only by my negligence, but because the DoD writes checks and never pays attention to what’s done with the money — I got out of the business. I couldn’t be a part of that. Is it still a problem with other companies, sure. I can’t right every wrong in the world. But I don’t have to be complicit with it. Rogers, he’s like — anyone who’s an Avenger can do whatever they want, whenever they want, anywhere in the world they want to do it. Which, okay, maybe. There’s less than two dozen of us and we were a team. That’s less of a problem. But there are many more Enhanced who the Avengers Initiative has no authority over.”

“The Accords still don’t,” Peter said. “I haven’t signed.”

“No. Neither has Murdock, Cage, Jones, Skye, Elena, and a whole lot more. A lot have signed, though. But since I’ve been unofficially running things, we monitor those who haven’t. What’s left of SHIELD handles the situation if an Enhanced becomes a threat. You’re not a threat, baby. And if you ever do decide to step out of the ‘friendly neighborhood’, you’re going to have to sign.”

“I will. I’m just not ready yet.”

“And I’m not ready to put you at that level of risk yet either. It’s above your paygrade. Keeping the world safe is my job. Keeping the streets safe is yours.”

“Fury said that for him to be able to debrief me, I had to become part of the Avengers Initiative.”

“So you’re on world-saving duty along with Tony.”

“Peter, that is the highest end dishwasher they make in the world. You don’t even have to rinse the bowl. Just put it in the machine. God,” Tony said exasperatedly as he watched Peter start to lower his bowl into the sink.

“And all you have to do is stretch the elastic corners over the ends of the mattress,” Peter said, noisily clattering both bowl and silverware in the sink.

Bucky laughed.

“Sorry. Old fights,” Tony said.

“We’ve only been together nine months, how can they be old fights?”

“They were old fights two weeks after you moved in and started leaving dishes in the sink and failing to notice that there’s a laundry hamper in the dressing room.”

“Elastic corners, Tony. You don’t even have to tuck them in the way I bet Bucky used to have to do.”

“Oh no. I am not getting in the middle of this. He’s the one who lets me live here, you’re the one who keeps me from destroying the room when I have a nightmare. Nope.” Bucky headed for the sofa. “I’m also not doing the dishes. I cooked.”

“You don’t cook so you can eat,” Tony said in a revelatory tone. “You cook so you don’t have to clean up after!”

“They did tell me you were a genius,” Bucky said, scrolling through Netflix. “After I learned how to cook, my sister got stuck with the dishes because she cooked like Peter says you do.”

“Staff, you guys. We. Had. Staff.” Tony got up shaking his head and emptied the sink of its dishes. He picked up the pot and poured its contents into the side of the sink with the disposal.

“What did you just do‽” Bucky said, leaping up from the sofa.

“You cooked too much. It's no big deal.” Tony started the disposal.

Bucky sputtered. “That was for the next three, maybe four days.”

“Uh, no.”

“Leftovers. Don’t you know the concept?”

“Didn’t most of your generation die of food poisoning?” Tony rinsed the pot and stuck it in the dishwasher with the bowls.

“Because we tried to keep food cold with ICE! Not a fridge that’s more technologically advanced than my arm! Stew is always better on the second day.”

“So’s salmonella.”

Peter came up and put his hand on Bucky’s arm. “It’s useless. I tried to keep leftover Chinese once. Got the same lecture. You learn to live with it.”

“It’s wasteful,” Bucky said, shaking his head. “There are people who…”

“Are eating tonight at one of seven homeless shelters the Stark Foundation funds every year. I am not getting food poisoning over either of yours guilt.”

“Used to be six. But then he threw out my leftover Chinese that I was saving.”

“Make it eight on accounta the stew.”

“If it’ll save my stomach, I’ll make it a round ten. No leftovers.” Tony grabbed Peter’s hand. “Thanks for dinner, pretty. It was good.”

“Woulda been better tomorrow,” Bucky muttered as he headed for the sofa and Tony and Peter headed for their bedroom.

Peter ducked his head back around the corner of the hall. “There’s wireless headphones in the drawer under the TV. Not as good as soundproofing but,” he added with a shrug before disappearing.

~~~~~

“I was worried,” Natasha said, answering Bucky’s call.

“It's not bad. It's good actually,” Bucky said. “Tony and Peter — the spider kid — are together.”

“Together?” Natasha asked

“Yes.”

“Together together?” she asked again, her voice rising in inflection.

“A couple. Yes.”

“He's a child.”

“He's seventeen. Which is, as he likes to remind everyone, the age of consent in New York state. He’s happy. Both of them are. Deliriously. Noisily. Often. He calls you Ms. Widow.”

“No. Really?” she tried hard not to laugh.

“Yes. It's adorable.” Bucky didn’t bother to try. “You should come back,” he said after a pause.

“I'm a criminal.”

“So was I. Tony can take care of that.”

“Tony's the one who made me a criminal,” Nat said pointedly.

“It's more complicated than that and you know it.”

“I'm not agreeing to house arrest.”

“Lang isn't an Avenger. You are. I am.”

“You are?”

“Part of the arrangement Tony made,” Bucky explained. “Instead of another session with Everett Ross, Fury’s handling my debrief. For that, I had to agree to the Avenger Initiative.”

“Did you want to?”

“There are worse things.” Over the phone, Natasha couldn’t see his shrug. “It’s a chance at a little redemption.”

“I thought SHIELD was mine.”

“From what Tony tells me, SHIELD isn’t what it used to be. HYDRA’s been purged.”

“You believe that?”

“No. But I can help them make sure it is.”

“We’ve been away almost two years.”

“I thought it fell apart because of me. It was the Accords. Tony’s right on this one. It’s been such a waste of time. Running. For what? Steve’s ego?”

“I told the same thing to Tony. It was his ego.”

“I’ve yet to see it show up, Natasha. No worse than anyone else’s. Steve’s wrong.”

“What about Wanda? There was the issue of her not being a citizen.”

“When did you become a citizen? It’s not an issue. Not if she signs.”

There was a long pause. “He’ll be on his own.”

“He’ll come to his senses then,” Bucky said with more heat than he’d intended. “He won’t as long as he has someone to follow the righteous Captain America into battle. The issue if he comes back isn’t the Accords. It’s the damage he did after. Tony says he’ll leave when he returns.”

“And you say you haven’t seen his ego?”

“I’ve seen the pain that Steve’s lies about me caused. The Accords? Steve signs and that’s over for Tony. What happened in Siberia? That’s a broken trust. Harder to set aside.”

“He set it aside for you, apparently.”

“I had no choice in what I did. Steve had a choice.” He paused. “I doubt Tony will walk away, no matter what he says. He won’t trust Steve. But there are very few people who Tony trusts. He works with the others anyway. He’ll reach a peace with Steve, if Steve will let him.”

“We’ll talk about it,” Nat said.

“Talk to the others before Steve. If he knows, he’ll start one of his ‘rally the troops’ speeches and everyone will follow him into hell. On their own, the only hold out will be Sam. He’s starstruck.” Bucky paused. “I’ve seen it before,” he said sadly.

[canaryatlaw]

Okay. So I’m right now writing this while on our flight back from Rhode Island, currently on plane 1 from providence RI to DC where we’ll transfer to our second flight home to Chicago (and work 9 am tomorrow- yay 😑) but I’ve been sidetracked and tired so I’m overdue for some day posts for you guys, so consider this my weekend post for Friday/Saturday/Sunday. Probably doing paragraphs so it’ll post on tumblr mobile without fighting me too much.

Hopefully I remember enough details about Friday lol but I guess we’ll find out now. So I woke up at 7 like every morning and got ready for work. I was a little anxious about court based on what’s been going on but things were for the most part ok (I just had to remind one of the lawyers the reason I hadn’t looked over the folders were because they were in her possession, lol). Came back from work and got to work on my projects, it was the last day for the lawyer that lives right by me and is going to another firm so they ordered us lunch from that one Mexican place that’s like the fucking best and we all just talked about how much we loved their food the whole time lol so that was good. I did my normal crappy work until 3 at which point I was peacing out early to make sure we got to the airport in time for our flight. So I ubered home from there, changed and grabbed my bags, then ubered to pick up Jess and then head to the airport. We ended up getting to the gate with plenty of time to spare (because we had planned ahead accordingly) so we got food from this sit down Italian place which was perfect because I got to use it to spam my small group group chat with pictures of italian food because I’m rallying for us to go to an actual italian place sometime soon lol. The food sadly wasn’t quite as good as expected but was still fine.

Finished up there and headed back to the gate, not long after boarded the plane and took off. I always do the sudoku puzzle in the back of the inflight magazine while on a flight and after looking over my shoulder trying to point out places where 4’s would go Jess just got out her own magazine and tried to do it and subsequently got very frustrated that it wasn’t as easy as it looked, lol. So I did the two puzzles they had, then went back to reading the fanfic I had on my phone. The flight at that point ended up getting fairly turbulent which was somewhat anxiety inducing for some of us but of course we landed safe and sound. We got off the plane and figured out how the airport did it’s ride service before taking a Lyft (the pick up places for lyft and Uber were apparently different and we were in the lyft pick up place) back to our Airbnb, which upon getting to the street the driver was like “well I can’t see any of the numbers on the houses” and proceeded to just drop us off in the middle of the street. Well then. Remember it’s like 12:30 am lol. But we figured out which house was the right one then I had to pull out the guide for checking in which was getting the keys from the lock box and then getting into the place, which we eventually figured out lol and got to our room, at which point we basically just dropped our stuff and went to bed because we were mad tired lol.

The con opened at 10 and I wanted to shower (since I hadn’t the night before) in the morning so Jess set an alarm for 8:45. Got up when it went off and I just like, had a chill for some reason that was annoyingly with me like the whole day but was very apparent while I was trying to shower and get ready. But we managed, finished all that good stuff (I was doing Catwoman because it was easy and comfortable) and ubered to the con place which was thankfully very close by (we do this thing where Jess is like “did you get the Airbnb close to the airport or close to the convention?” and I’m like “?? Isn’t guess we’ll see maybe neither!!” Lol because it’s usually somewhat of a compromise between the two but this one ended up being nice and close to the place) where we joined a giant outdoor line to get in which of course was just not moving and then when it started went rather slowly. It wasn’t laid out all that well so we had to find out way around a bit at first.

Couldn’t find any coffee, which was kinda ridiculous because the place was called the Dunkin’ Donuts center (we did eventually find one Dunkin’ Donuts in the building, so Jess and I had to just buy cokes and drink them for caffeine lol. So we grabbed those and some sort of breakfasty food item before hitting up the show floor. Basically the show floor was its own thing attached to the photo op area, then there was a room with the like. B-List” celebrities (which was still some like, fairly major people, they just had a LOT of guests) then over like a connected portion of it where they actually play the sports ball (I think they did basketball and hockey, we concluded) was the major celebrities. So we went through the show floor and checked things out, then went to the smaller celeb room, where Katrina Law was, and we were planning on meeting her on Sunday for photos and such but she didn’t have a line at the moment (the set up of that particular room was REALLY bad) so we went and said hi to her for a bit, then eventually checked out the big celebrities which took a while for us to figure out how to actually get to where they were. So the people I actually cared about in this room were Kiefer Sutherland and Tom Felton, both of which has gigantic lines when we got there. I had a photo op with Kiefer later and was planning on hitting up his line after for an autograph. But nobody in that room was doing selfies (officially at least) and of course Tom’s autograph was a lot of money so I moved to kinda being meh on whether I actually ended up meeting him or not.

At this point I think we returned to the show floor where we hung out for a bit before getting up to try to wait for our photo op but there was a bit of a crowd in the area of people waiting to go back that they eventually just made disperse entirely so we kinda hung out around that area until we were called. I was going for Kiefer and Jess was getting a photo with Hayden Christensen, of Star Wars fame of course, which both happened to be around the same time. So once we got back there my line moved pretty quickly, Jess ended up being stuck there a little longer though. But yeah, it was the same photo people from last week’s con so we’re used to their deal, came in and fangirled to myself a little that he was RIGHT THERE and then of course inched closer as people got through, when it came to it he shook my hand and I said my name, took the photo just kinda generic nice pose, then as I was leaving I was like “I’ll be back for an autograph later!” to which he just kinda laughed and said okay.

We were planning on going to a panel that started not long afterwards featuring Katrina Law, Emma Dumont, and Elizabeth Henstridge (from Shield, who was new to me) and needed to get lunch at some point so I grabbed some food and we ate it as we made our way to the line to get in the panel. Ended up getting pretty good seats. The panel was great, they were all hilarious and totally upfront about everything. Jess asked the whole “what emojis would you use to describe your character and yourselves” and I was typing furiously the whole time in order to be able to tweet all the right emojis correctly for them lol. It was great because Emma asked Jess if she was cosplaying Jessica Jones which was what had been happening all day because she was wearing a black leather jacket, jeans, and black boots, but was not actually trying to cosplay her and was planning on another outfit she ended up forgetting an aspect of, but she said yes anyway, then later on in the panel Emma was like “I’m always just wearing my clothes and people are like ‘are you cosplaying Jessica Jones?’ and I just say yes even though I’m not” at which point we all laughed very hard because that’s literally what just happened. The rest of the panel was fun, Katrina Law had some very funny moments about reading in the Arrow script where out of nowhere Ra’s is like “no, they’re actually going to get married” and she just died laughing because she was like “the Olicity’s are gonna be so mad” and really that’s the best motivation to do anything in life.

So that was fun, and after that we went back over to the big celeb room to see how things were looking, with the hope that Kiefer’s line wouldn’t be too bad and I could get my photo op signed. There were only a handful of people in his line when we got there but he was also very obviously not at the table lol, so we investigated and asked if we knew when he was gonna be back and they were like “5 minutes” at which point we were like well that’s probably not true but it’s worth getting in line anyway so we did and maybe like 40 minutes later he showed up? Still much much better than like 2 1/2 hours in line lol so I was satisfied.

Now I guess I should talk about how much I love him to fully explain this story. Since it was a con and they were marketing towards what people would know him from there was a lot of like photos and stuff he was in when he was younger, none of which I’d ever seen or really had any idea existed, and some of those photos were rather entertaining. Back to the point though, I loved 24 back in the day like super hardcore, we were diehard fans for multiple seasons and like, I adored that show lol. If any of you remember my post from last weekend when I met Annie Wersching and how much I loved her, this is like that except so much more because this is the MAN who was the center of it all and damn I love him so much. Of course it’s been years since that has aired and he has in fact moved on, and I most definitely started watching Designated Survivor for him because I loved him so much. If you’re not familiar with the concept of the show it’s like when there’s a state of the union speech or something where all the members of the congress and cabinet and president are all in one place there’s like one person removed at a different location in case something should happen to all of the people at that location, which of course begs the question what on earth would happen if that were the case?? And that’s where the show picks up, with him being a minor member of the cabinet, secretary of housing or something along those lines but not like a politician really and he gets selected to be the person not at the state of the union and then of course there’s a horrific massive terrorist attack where they blow up the capitol building and suddenly the president, his entire cabinet, and the entirety of congress (apparently, anyway, but that’s another story) are all gone and this guy is now being sworn in as president. So I mean it’s pretty wild. But like, ugh he’s so great at it, and it frequently makes me frustrated that we’re in our current presidential reality because Tom Kirkman dammit is a fucking fantastic president and why can’t we just have him??? It’s not fair. So I was pretty amped to meet him.

So we get up there and he makes some comment about me being back with my cat ears lol and we talked and I said how much I loved the two shows and how happy I was that designated survivor got picked up by Netflix for a third season after it’s apparent cancellation because I really loved him in that show and wasn’t ready to say goodbye to it today and then he told me I made his day and was really happy and then when we were leaving he was like “see ya Rach” and I just died entirely I was deceased lol like this was so wild I couldn’t handle it. So I was sufficiently amped up after that lol. We were pretty much done after that so we were gonna get dinner and we were looking for a place on google maps and such and we wanted to see if we could make it to a store or some sort that had baby clothing to get a present for Katrina which hadn’t occurred to us until we arrived at the con and somebody else had done so for some reason lol. So I found a Cheesecake Factory next to some stores and y’all now how we feel about the Cheesecake Factory lol so we ubered over there and had to wait a bit but that was fine because after a crazy day just sitting was relaxing enough lol. So we were typical and ordered the same things we always get lol and then for dessert we both got the pumpkin cheesecake because it’s PUMPKIN time of course lol so that was lovely.

Once we finished there we walked down the road a bit to see what our options were and ended up going into an Old Navy to find their baby clothes section and like, this is why we don’t go to stores with baby clothes in them regularly because we both just like, died, looking at the clothing that was too fucking cute. We ended up finding these really cute little kitty shoes and got two kitty themed shirts to go with it and another shirt that had unicorns on it because we know how Katrina feels about unicorns haha and then got an adorable bunny gift bag by the register to give it to her in. So we were very happy with our purchases. We got an Uber back to the Airbnb that smelled very strongly of axe and I was like ?? lol and when we got back Jess showered and when she got out I brushed my teeth and it was like 8:30 but I was like I’m fucking tired I’m going to bed now lol and I was cold all fucking day like I said so I literally slept in my leather jacket because I didn’t want to take it off 😂😂😂 oh I didn’t explain the whole bedding situation from the night before, oh that was a trip unto itself, let me recount that so you can all appreciate what was happening here.

So if you read this blog at all you probably know that I’m allergic to polyester and can often recognize it on sight because at this point I know what it looks like. So we get to the room and there’s like a folded blanket at the foot of the bed that’s polyester and I’m just like whatever that doesn’t bug me but then once we pulled back the comforter there was a matching blanket and seat set that, I fucking kid you not, were all made out of polyester. And like, I’d never even seen polyester sheets up to this point so this was a totally new situation, and it was the blanket the sheets and the pillowcases so I was like welp I’m fucked and my original idea was to use my designated bath towel as a buffer where my skin would otherwise come into contact with the polyester but that didn’t work very well, at which point we turned the lights back on and took the non-polyester comforter from the top of the bed and just basically wrapped myself in it (like a burrito) and Jess got the rest of the blankets and that worked out fairly well lol so that was that adventure.

Anyway, Saturday night I fell asleep fairly quickly and woke up Sunday morning to my alarm at 9 and started getting ready for day two of the con. I was doing white canary Sara for the day since Katrina was there and we’d be seeing her. So I got into all my gear for that trying to be as careful as I could with my prized possession White Canary jacket signed by Caity Lotz (which was her idea, not mine, just saying). Lol. Since we were more familiar with the venue and their general lack of suitable food (that’s con food for ya) we ubered to a Starbucks that was down the block from the con center to get food and caffeine before going to the con. They somehow ended up being out of butter croissants but offered these honey pistachio ones they’re having now which was actually like super good??? I was kinda doubtful because even though I do like pistachios I’m still not a huge nut person but there ended up being fairly little of actual pistachio on it haha and was just in generally really good! So that was cool. Our goals for the day were pretty much the female actors from the panel the day prior, who were all in the smaller room so we headed up there and hit up Emma Dumont’s table first. If you weren’t around in April to read about our HVFF Chicago interaction with her basically neither of us were particularly attached to her but were going to get an autograph as a surprise for a friend’s birthday and she ended up being like the loveliest person ever so much so that we both got more into The Gifted and into her because it was basically the most personable celebrity interaction I’ve ever had like, it’s hard to explain how awesome she is haha she just is. She didn’t have a line at the time so that helped let us kinda hang out with her a bit longer than we typically would if there was a line (not that that seemed to bother her last time). So of course the first thing that came up was that Jess was cosplaying Lorna (her character from The Gifted) and then the whole Jessica Jones thing from the panel which she thought was fucking hilarious and then proceeded to tell us a story about being mistaken for Krysten Ritter as a Marvel person lol. And she was just continually awesome and hilarious. We ended up getting into a bit of a discussion re HVFF San Jose and how they had apparently been declining Marvel guests and she was like “I was trying so hard, like I came early and stayed late...” and like it made me so angry that anyone would be so rude to her like that after she had been so lovely to everyone so now I’m low key gonna run a Twitter campaign to make HVFF invite Marvel guests to their cons because that’s super shitty of them and they shouldn’t be treating people like that (I’m thinking like #twobrandsonefandom or something corny like that) so yeah that’s what’s happening there lol.

Once we left her table we ran into friends so we talked to them for a bit before going over to Elizabeth Henstridge’s table. Now I’ve seen precisely one episode of Shield so I don’t really know who she is other than from the panel the day before (well, that and certain stories Jess has told me.....) but the interaction was nice enough, she was lovely and British so that was all good. Katrina hadn’t been there initially but walked in after we had finished at Elizabeth Henstridge’s table just a few down from her so we got in the small line that has accumulated for her (again, the layout of this room was super shitty and not at all favorable for actually building lines) and got to her rather quickly, we gave her the baby clothes and she freaked out and loved them so we took a picture with her with them (even though we hadn’t technically paid for a picture 🤷🏻‍♀️) but Katrina was great as always and she was so excited like this is going to be the most well-dressed baby haha it’s gonna be great. It occurred to me that if we had had hindsight we should’ve gotten her a shirt similar to the one Annie Wersching had been wearing last week when she was Very Pregnant and her shirt said “future marvel superhero” with an arrow down pointing at her stomach so if we got Katrina one that said DC and then a baby outfit that said “future DC superhero” for when she’s born we probably would’ve won the internet, but alas, we missed this opportunity sadly. But after that we exited that room and got drinks quickly because my throat was being super dry and my credit card got declined which was like ??? but I figured it was probably a travel issue that’s happened a few times before so I didn’t think anything of it and just paid in cash and used my debit card for the rest of the day. We then hit up the show floor for a bit and weaves through all of it but were pretty much done there. We decided to go elsewhere for lunch then come back (though at this point I was like in all honestly we’re probably not gonna end up coming back). Jess was having a very bad allergy day probably due to something at the Airbnb, either pet related or some toiletry product (damn travel sized shampoos) and it was getting bad so we needed to obtain allergy medication so we got directions to the nearest CVS which required going through the hotel the con center was attached to over to a mall that had a CVS, so that was kinda confusing but we made it over and bought some Claritin D that would hopefully be helpful. Since we were at a mall at this point we went up to the food court to get some food there and ended up at a Johnny Rockets because shakes.

K so just for context I’m now in an Uber on the way home so a lot has happened since I started typing this lol. But yeah, Johnny Rockets was good of course and then we decided as I expected to not bother going back to the con and instead walked around the mall for a bit hitting up our typical shops (which are like, hot topic, h&m, forever 21 and some comic store lol) before ubering back to the Airbnb where we had left our bags to change and grab them before heading to the airport. Got to the airport, security was fine even though their stupid scanner hates me, but we got to our gate with time to spare. We were at the end of the hall in a fairly deserted spot and there was a guy like laying down on the floor with his shoes off and like we didn’t think anything of it because hey people in airports are tired and sometimes need naps. But then a security guy came over and was like radioing “we found him” and tried to gently wake him up and was like “we were looking for you, your wife’s here and she’s very worried about you and was about to cry” and I was like well shit now I feel bad that I didn’t like go tell somebody he was there haha but like I didn’t really think anything of it. So they got a wheelchair for him and wheeled him out of there. At some point I got some food from down in the terminal and we waited until our flight was boarding, once we were on it I listened to the legends podcast episode that dropped today and when I finished that I started writing this.

Short summary on what has happened since, we had initially had a very short layover that Jess was (rightfully) anxious about but our second flight ended up getting delayed so that wasn’t an issue. But they didn’t have like an open gate for some reason so we had to deplane and get in a bus that drove us to the terminal, then to get to our next gate we had to get on another bus to a different terminal before finally reaching our gate, so that was a bit of an adventure, and I mean if our flight hadn’t gotten delayed we almost definitely would’ve missed our connection under those circumstances and that would’ve been bad for everyone so I’m glad that didn’t happen. I grabbed a water and a small fruit cup from the store before sitting for a bit then boarding the plane, at which point I started typing this again and did so through the end of the plane ride, where we got off and went to the ride share pick up spy and for some reason two Ubers canceled on us so I was like fuck it I’m using lyft which ended up being like $8 cheaper but for some reason took like three tries to go through and then it looked like the driver wasn’t moving but eventually he did and we went outside to meet him, got in and started driving home, at which point I started typing this again and I’m still on my way home now. I took my pills on the plane this time so hopefully I won’t have to much of an issue falling asleep because I have to be up at 7 for work like have to have to can’t slack off and call in sick HAVE TO so I need to get as much sleep as possible. But yeah, that’s been this weekend up to this moment, pretty wild. We’re not quite home yet but I think I’m ready to sign off here, so I’ll talk to you guys soon. Goodnight peeps. Have as best of a Monday as Mondays can be.