#okay enough serious venting im silly now

[toytulini]

whys it so hard

[rayjeff]

btw sorry i haven't been as active recently, life's rough

(if you want to hear me vent and talk about life you can read it below hihi, anyway i wish you good night/day/whatever ;>)

okay so i was assigned to this 'art competition' at my school called "makro" around 3 months ago. What the hell's makro you may ask, it's a silly thing teachers assign you to in 4th grade of art school high school and give you extra classes in drawing, painting and sculpture for as long as you're not kicked out.. kicked out? well, yeah, there are 'preliminaries' so they can pick """the best students""". When there are 3 to 5 students left, they send you even further to the state competition(? country competition?? i dont know how to translate that lol). So yeah, pretty serious stuff i guess. If you win, you can receive a scholarship (and have almost perfect art portfolio)

so what am i doing there? I HAVE NO IDEA GOD DAMN IT

they fricking put me there without my knowledge and now im in the last 9 students?? help???

i honestly hate being there, i probably should be more greatful but i just can't enjoy something im forced to do. I've been drawing the same god damn stuff for several months now and i feel so washed out and exhausted that i don't like drawing anymore and im questioning my life choices xD

yes, i posted some sonic sketches ealier in the day but this is literally the first thing i've drawn for myself in a month or 2

i could have said that i don't want to participate in this beforehand, but they said that it was beneficial, relaxing and i could develop my skills, so i agreed. Now it's too late to say no. I'm too deeply involved in this to back out. And at this point i'm not sure if i would be more sad if they kicked me out (which would mean that i'm not good enough) or if i was moved to the next stage (more suffering)

I stopped texting to anyone too besides my 2 close friends, im just too tired to do anything honestly and i just want me and my mattress to become one

I'm holding on for now but ohhh it's hard sometimes

anyway.. sorry for whining and wasting your time lol, hope you guys doing okay :] wish you funky, silly, fun weekend

[chat-noir-always-here]

Shanghai and Truth

So i just watched the Shanghai special. And since my “watch party”—my best friend and one of my sisters—are unavailable next week due to having holiday plans we went ahead and watched one episode of season 4.

Shanghai thoughts:

Honestly i liked New York more? There wasn’t snt enough angst even with Chat getting vaporized. I mean i knew that much would happen—how could it not?

On the other hand her face when he died was nice. “LB loves, adores, and is protective of her silly kitty.”

Fei is super cool and gorgeous. That being said there were times where she sounded like something out of cheesy kung fu movie “WITH THE KUNG FU MY FATHER TAUGHT ME!”

The renlings are adorable and very interesting i hope we see more of them later on

Hawk moth getting vaporized “Oh no! Its the CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS!!!”

Her fond little smile and “sweet kitty” comment when she got Chat Noir’s message as well as her hug when he got revived was great

I have a ton of salt regarding Marinette and her actions in this special but ill save that for last

Truth thoughts:

The AMOUNT OF ANGUISH I FEEL FOR LUKA. Poor baby. I totally get the feeling of “im not a priority to this person” and the disappointment that comes along with such a realization

Mari seems to be struggling with her new priorities and the KWAMIS ARE NOT HELPING

Im sorry does Tikki have a bunch of little hats??? THATS SO FUCKING CUTE I CANNOT

“What is that liquid leaking from her eyes” okay i get you guys are basically quarantined FOR ETERNITY and your worse than Rapunzel and Adrien put together but theres a FUCKING LIMIT

A sentimonster and an akuma at the same time is actually pretty interesting.

Kitty pushing LB into the water so she doesnt spill her secret to all her friends and her boyfriend made me soft. Good simp kitty

Shadowmoth’s outfit is ridiculous and he’s so freaking serious about it i laughed my head off ahahaha

Jagged is their dad? Jagged is their dad??? Okay what? Wasnt that supposed to be a crack theory wth?? Altho this explains why their mom was so beefy with Jagged in Desperada. Damn Jagged did you at least pay child support?

Again—Mari seems to be having some trouble adjusting to her new schedule and priorities which is understandable. Given what we saw in Gamer 2.0 she was already overwhelmed and overworked so trying to fit being the guardian and having a boyfriend in there on top of all that WOULD be difficult. Impossible even. STILL. That didnt make it any less painful to watch Luka get his heart broken over her inability to be there for him due to her superhero responsibilities. Its not as if she can walk away from all that so really breaking up with him was the best thing she could do. Best for her and best for Luka.

Also she like kitty’s humor? Really? Wondeful~ (i get it was kinda a “gotcha” scene but im taking it)

One more time: everything below is salt and may not be of interest to people who just want to enjoy the show. Also im coming in late to this special and Truth since i decided to go in blind to all this, so a lot of people may have already ranted about all the same stuff im about to. Im still being out of tags so im out of the loop. In any case ignore the read more link below if youre not feeling up to venting.

Shanghai salt:

MARINETTE PLS. Do you not see how happy your parents are that you’re showing an interest in your cultural heritage? And how readily they offer up a ton of dough just so you can pursue said interest? And your just going for Adrien? When you could just wait for him to come back and take a proper vacay to China with your parents when they have the time. PLEASE.

She knows Adrien’s “shoe size” now WHY do i feel like thats one of their sneaky jokes???😒😒😒

Marinette youre way too trusting of strangers

Fei told Marinette, a stranger, way too much as well

THE MISSED MARICHAT OPPORTUNITIES

Fucking Gabriel promising to meet his kid in the city and not following through then getting all concerned after he made it dangerous for him FUCK YOU GABRIEL

[redsdawn]

( jessica chastain. forty. cis female. she/her. ) in stratford, dawn wright  is more commonly known as red. they’ve been living in stratford for thirty years and currently work as a nurse. some say they are malapert  & rancorous but i’m more inclined to believe those that say they’re ballsy  & dependable. if you walk by their house, you can sometimes hear cloudbusting by kate bush playing from their window. ( the sting of comments better left unsaid, driving with the windows down, subjecting oneself to the unknown, and never knowing when to stop. ) 

hello, all! i’m dee, your local goblin whose hands are shaking as they type this! :-) i hope everyone’s having a good evening / morning / day. here’s to writing some good shit together! 

disclaimer: i have dawn’s stats here, which hopefully gives you all the need-to-know info at a glance. the second section has death & suicide mentions, so please steer clear of that if need be. 

if dawn is anything, it’s restless. she’s always felt like a bird about to take flight, or like she’s looming on the edge of some great cliff. it’s like some current flowing through her bones, or some itch that can’t be scratched. she yearns for more & hates that nothing is ever wholly enough for her. 

dawn grew up trailer trash & she still was trailer trash when she moved to stratford after the death of her mother. her dad, nathaniel, was a drunken tradesman who'd never known what to do with the life he’d been given. he was hardly a father when diane was around & even less so after her passing. despite their blood relation, however, he & dawn were more akin to roommates than anything else. nathaniel provided the “essentials” [ bits of clothes every couple of months, piss-poor cooking, a place to sleep ] and little else. he wasn’t warm or particularly kind--not like he was to the girlfriends that’d come in and out of their lives. he didn’t know how to speak to children or how to be the mentor that dawn needed. he’d tried, but it wasn’t like dawn knew how to be the daughter he’d wanted either. she wasn’t diane. she wasn’t warm, obedient, and kind. she was gritty & spoke back, even when it wasn’t smart to. 

growing up, dawn was hardly ever home. a majority of her adolescence was spent being a wild cat. as a kid, she’d get up to shenanigans with other kids from school or the neighborhood. she was a tomboy through-and-through, covered in various scars and bruises from climbing & doing things she shouldn’t have. she was an okay student, but her report cards always made a note to mention attention + behavioral issues.

as a teenager, she was even worse. it was then that she learned the careful craft of chasing cheap thrills. always slipping from crowd to crowd, dawn was a social butterfly. she’d slip her way into any group that would have her, reveling in any and all attention cast her way. 

dawn was poor-poor. like, having frequent sleepovers at friends houses, because you want an actual real meal levels of poor. 

above all, dawn’s childhood taught her how to be hungry & that feeling’s never left her.

it was a particularly persistent set of teachers that really pushed dawn to be more than what she was setting herself up for. her chemistry teacher really made a point to speak to her in frank terms + helped her fill out college application forms when that time of year came around. at the time, dawn had brushed it off, as she did with most things, but she’s always been grateful. it was nice to feel seen for once. she kept in touch & got their recommendation when admissions opened up for nursing school. 

going to college & being in a new environment really forced dawn to get it together. she couldn’t just be a little shithead anymore--she had actual responsibilities & appearances now. she mellowed out some afterward, doing everything that she thought people were supposed to do. she got her own place, paid her bills, & worked like she actually cared about what she was doing--which she did, for once. 

somewhere along the way, getting stuck in that grind & facing the fears that rose from losing her father started to really get to her. that restlessness had come back in full force, & dawn didn’t know how to handle it. she fell into a bit of a destructive rut that resembled that of her teenage years, and sought help only when her boss gave her an ultimatum. she’s better now, but not quite how she was. 

dawn is unflinching. it’s extremely hard to unsettle her. are your guts falling out? is someone throwing shit + breaking chairs? is there a literal fire happening? well, you wouldn’t be able to tell by looking at dawn. she loves fixing things & finds it really easy to keep a cool head when shit hits the fan. she’s focused & nonjudgemental. she won’t question why you look like shit or why she has to stitch up a stab wound. 

dawn yearns to feel needed & is uncomfortable when she isn’t. that want is what fuels her friendliness. she wants to be in a group, she wants to be something to someone. she goes out of her way for others not out of an innate altruism, but as a result of her deliberate choice to be good. she wants people to feel that she cares for them, so they may in turn care for her, too. 

that being said, dawn’s decision-making isn’t immaculate. she has a blinding rage that’s a blight on her progress. it’s regressive & ugly & irresistible. dawn takes things too far sometimes & keeps pushing. she digs her fingers into wounds she knows are fresh & always keeps her knives close. she’s capable of a lot of good and love, but she’s also capable of a very white-hot rage. 

some random bits are that dawn is a karaoke queen. she’s a heavy-weight, but doesn’t like alcohol. she’s an excellent hugger. she has an excellent memory & remembers the little things that people tell her. terrible at accepting gifts. she takes life one day at a time. total chatterbox. thinks she has a great pokerface, but her eyes are a straight window to that which lies behind. she’s definitely not a very good driver. writes notes on her hands and wrists. 

some songs that make me think of her are

rock city

i bet on losing dogs

disorder

hounds of love

some wanted connection ideas !

a childhood memory -- maybe these two were a couple of ragtag misfits up to no good. maybe your muse’s parents felt bad for dawn, and would invite her over for dinner, regardless of how your muse felt about it. maybe they grew up in the same trailer park. maybe your muse’s mom dated her dad at one point. idk!! 

teenage escapades -- did they used to drive around without a care in the world, swearing they were gonna live forever? did they try to use their fake id’s to buy cheap liquor & then haul ass after the cashier wasn’t having it? did dawn manage to weasel her way into your muse’s life & fuck it up somehow? 

it’s a sibling thing -- are they related? no. does that stop them from acting like actual siblings? also no. dawn would do anything for this person, including, but not limited to, annoying them to death. silly, serious, and self-less. 

frenemies -- they say you should keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. either way, these two are relatively close. do they even remember why they sometimes-kind-of-but-not-really-but-also-kind-of hate each other? maybe, maybe not.

best buds -- everyone needs a best friend &, believe it or not, dawn has a lot of love to give. being her best friend includes unlimited venting sessions, on-call assistance, & free snacks. truly a once in a lifetime deal.

playing doctor -- listen, dawn doesn’t wear those scrubs because she thinks they’re sexy. she knows her shit & who else are you going to call at ass o’clock because you’re bleeding all over your carpet floor? besides, at least when you call her, you don’t get reamed with a 2k bill after.

we don’t talk about that -- sometimes, dawn is off being a lovey-dovey bitch, which is embarrassing, but when she’s not? well.. she wouldn’t be opposed to a rebound, or one night stands that maybe never should have happened to begin with. 

BUT REALLY I’M DOWN FOR ANYTHING AND THIS IS ALREADY SO DANG LONG SO IM GONNA END IT HERE AND SAY THAT ILY AND WANT TO DO ALL OF THE PLOTS WITH EVERYONE THANK U BYE SMOOCHES

[acethehappyanon]

ace hiya!! you reblogged that post that said you were open for people to vent or become friends and we are already friends but i wanna ramble a bit lmao and i trust you!! it’s silly but i’m very stressed and tired, my brothers off all week which is A Struggle and we went out on monday to a place i’ve never been and it was busy and then on tuesday we went to my grandparents and my brother was being an arse and then on friday we’re going out again with my grandparents (1/?) soz

(continued)

my grandparents to exmouth which is a lil bit of a drive which is scary enough and now apparently we’re going out on sunday! which i hate. i don’t leave the house on the weekends bc it’s busy and no one is at school! and my younger bro wants to go out but he’s an idiot and doesn’t care about how nervous it makes me or how boring my parents find going for walks but he just doesn’t care! and so i’m stressed and i’ve got a bug so i’m really hot and i can’t sleep but i’m so tired (2/3) soz again

and i wanna sleep but i can’t so now im rambling to you and i’m sorry about that but idek who else to ramble to i’m very sorry, you don’t have to answer me at all, i hope you’re okay, ily 

first off you’re valid aS HECK ILU SO MUCH I’m sorry you’re having such a time omg! it’s legit the absolute worst when family decide to just, drag you around because THEY want to and you have no say in the matter, I totally relate. maybe you can use your bug as an excuse that you don’t feel well enough to do anything more than absolutely necessary? considering most people take physical illness much more serious than when we don’t mentally feel up to things, sometimes that works! but otherwise I totally understand you probably can’t get out of it otherwise and that really sucks, but they’ll have to let you just come back and chill at home eventually!

just hold tight and don’t focus too much on the people around when they make you go out, maybe keep your phone nearby with something distracting or soothing on it (puzzle apps are a blessing!) and it’ll be over with before you know it! if you’d like you can always reach out to me anytime if I’m awake and I’ll help distract you or you can ramble about anything that’s annoying you at that moment

[nightspsyche]

       As many of you know 2017 has not been the easiest of years for me. I lost an uncle at the beginning of the year very suddenly after a cancer diagnosis a few weeks before. My grandmother's health has been declining over the course of the last year (as of last December actually). I myself have been dealing with some mental health problems, and I nearly lost my best friend because of it all. Thankfully we were able to resolve the issues there and come to understand that we both were dealing with some similar (though not exactly the same, mind you) issues at the same time. Now I think our friendship is closer than ever.

   Next month will mark the one year anniversary of Elana's return to Tumblr and the RP world. With bringing her back, I was able to slowly work my way through my problems. I was able to eventually bring back a lot of muses I once loved to write for, but lost that love due to issues that really set me off when it came to my anxiety. I couldn't bring myself to write for them until I got my head back on straight as it were.

   So to not only celebrate a new year coming in, I want to make this post to celebrate Elana's one year return, and to thank a few people for a few things. I have a lot of people to thank for not only following me, but sticking with me through my three month absence of all things online. I also have a lot of people to thank for being here for me when I've needed it most.

  Here we go!!! In no particular order:

@speedxandxnetflix : For being patient as hell for me to come back and to pick things up where our muses left off. I know three months is a long time to wait for someone here but, I'm so grateful that you  did. I always enjoy our ooc chats, and appreciate everything we've talked about over IM and asks recently. Also thank you for going along, and hearing out some of my crazy RP ideas.

@wintermae : For simply being here. I mean it. Over the years it's been great to RP with you and get the chance to know you a little better ooc. Not only that but you've been there for me when I just needed someone to kind of talk to. It helped so much to be able to just unload a few things in a safe place, and it means the world to me that you were there for me. I honestly can't thank you enough for that.

@wardenforaking : For being one of the most patient people I know. You've let me vent to you so many times about anything I've needed to and I appreciate that to know end. I know you've had a rough time, and to take a moment out of your day to listen to me complain; it speaks volumes about who you are as a person. You're a saint!

@docspeedflamevibes : For being such a sweetie!! Seriously, any time I have a bad day you're one of the ones I've noticed posting on my ooc posts. I know it may seem like such a tiny gesture to some but honestly, I appreciate it to no end. It always brings a smile to my face <3

@xanisher : I know we don't chat too much lately, mostly because this time of year is hella hectic! But since meeting you over on CCF it's been great to have another person I can keep track of from there. I miss the group but it's good to know that I can still chat with you. I know it seems silly and sentimental but that's me! lol

@themanbeneaththehood : Speaking of CCF! I can't forget this person! Holy crap I'd have to kick my own ass if I did! Seriously adore this person so so much, and I'm glad that while Elana's time in the group was brief? I'm eternally grateful for the chance she was given over there. I don't think she would be the muse she is currently without that experience over there. It helped her grow in ways I could never have imagined.

@notjustascienceproject : You're someone I've always enjoyed writing with, and our plots always hold something of interest. Since we first started RPing I've always looked forward to getting your replies, because I know every time they'll push me to do my best replies I can possibly do. You've helped Elana find a bit of a open side to herself, where she can talk about her past and I think she really appreciates Aaron for that. I also have to thank you because our recent ooc chat really made me feel a little more comfortable in bringing a certain muse back to life.

@promisingagent : For putting up with my ass for years! With Sigyn, Linda and Elana and... Jesus friggin every muse I've written! I'm serious I think every muse you've written Sam with, they've become fast friends. Which says something about your muse. Like she's just a sweet heart like her writer.

@dear-indies : While technically not a RP account, I also don't care. BAHA. Seriously though these precious human beings. Let me tell you a lil somethin', somethin' about them. Was having a really rough, down, over all gross day a little while back.. And one of the people behind this blog, still not sure which but again it doesn't matter, IMed me to check up on me. Not just to check up on me but also to help me find a few places where I could help myself blow off steam and be rid of my anxiety. On a website like Tumblr this is such a rare, yet wholly wonderful, thing! I can't imagine how impossibly busy they are with their blog but they took the time to do that. Not gonna lie I cried about it a little (a lot).

@lemmeaskyasumthin : So maybe this seems a tad backwards all things considered. But really, nope. It's not. I know we've spoken so much ooc lately and we've yet to really RP. Which is absolutely fine! But our chats have helped me realize that the things I've used while in my own recovery from grief, or recovery from anxiety etc? I've learned that I can use those tools to help other people too. At the same time, I've been able to find a super cool person behind the character, rather than find the character first and then meet the writer. It's been such a fun experience getting to do it that way, and to get to know you to some degree as well. If anyone can understand what a shit bag 2017 has been? I know that you can. I'm sorry you've had such a rough year, but am also glad that I was able to have met you despite it all.

@thesharpestsmile & @frightfortheharvest : For being cutey patooties and nothing more <3<3. And also sharpest, for nerding out when you realized Elana was back. Honestly one of the best feelings this year has had to offer me :D. I miss you both!

@crimsonscomet : Because I still miss you dude! Come back to Tumblr and be nerdy with me and Elana! [weeps big ole baby tears]

Last but not least, certainly not least by any means. @hiddeninthecolors : And her slew of wonderful (>.> fight me) muses. This right here is my best friend in my entire world. My sister, my fake wifey, my everything. She has been there for me through so damned much, and we had fallen out of touch for a long while up until a few years back. This year hadn't been the best for us but we still managed to pull through. We took some bumps, we took some bruises. But we came out swinging on the other side. I think we both proved to ourselves, and to each other, that we're stronger than our diseases. We've proven we have the drive to beat them and that we can do it together. We've got each other's backs through this, we're each others support systems. We'll also verbally kick the shit out of anyone who bothers the other lol. Basically if I were the type to believe in soul mates, weather it's just friends or not? I honestly do believe you're mine. Friend mates ya'll! I love you, don’t ever forget that okay? No matter what happens, the hell we got to go through, I love ya. I’ll always be here for you, just say the word and you know I’ll be there <3

[tumblunni]

Oh that’s cute! The title screen has a random chance of switching between the two different ‘masks’ of the characters each time you boot it up!

Okay I’m gonna start a bloggin’ my comments as I play this game! Woo!

Wow, a quick travel menu between checkpoints in the story is incredibly useful for multiple ending visual novels! I’m surprised I’ve never seen one do it before! Tho its a lil silly the game shows it the first time you boot it up.

Also, randomly, just gotta say that I really like the protagonist’s human form design! The colourscheme is a nice unusual one that just caught my eye immediately, and I like the little dot pattern accessories. Feels very vintage shoujo even if the art style isnt.

I... dont really like her catgirl form as much though. It just feels like the most generic catgirl ever and she even loses her colourscheme, she’s just this more muted version and doesnt have blue hair anymore even?? Like wow, human = non human hair, catgirl = actually plausable albino??? Also its weird that she de-ages when her ears pop out, wtf. I am neeeeeevr gonna be a fan of the stupid ‘looks like a child but she isnt a child so its somehow okay’ anime cliche. Thats what made me worry this was gonna be ecchi when i first saw the screenshots on steam, this design choice is kinda disproportionately used in That Kind Of Dating Game. And catgirls already have a bit of a bad reputation in that sense too :P Also from what little I know about this via the steam description and reviews, it seems somehow her personality changes when she transforms, so she even ACTS more like an actual child.. man why so weird yo... I just hope that none of these red flags come true and I’m just worrying for nothing!

OH. YEAH. WHAT THE GAME IS ABOUT. If I’m gonna do more detailed posts of my Game Excitements, then I may as well give some context first! According to the store description, the protagonist is a seemingly-human girl who suddenly discovers she has latent catgirl powers on her 18th birthday or something? And her love interest has a secret identity too, there’s something about him being a royal guard but acting less serious and more goofy when he’s around her. And that sounds pretty cute actually. And you have multiple routes about embracing your new beast-person powers or trying to become human for real, which is a nice sort of plot that you wouldnt expect. I just hope it lives up to my expectations!

.... every time a catgirl actually says “nya”, it lowers my expectations. Please game, I believe in you, please dont be awful!

Shoutout to my BFF’s pet cat, yo!

Expectations.. plummetting... oh god... the voiceacting how do i turn it off oh god if its gonna be like THAT the whole time i cant stand Generic Anime Voice #5 screeching NYAAAA at the end of each line, holy fuck...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjY3eM7Ta7A Okay, the intro actually is quite cute, even though its just clipart bouncing around. But umm.. the starting text lowers my expectations a bit more, urp... Like.. uhh.. geez... I really do not like the odd trope of ‘but I thought you were just like a brother to me and then we fell in love’. Or rather I dont like how its weirdly common that this is the ONLY way childhood romances are presented in anime, and how like.. its so.. frequent that plots have ‘but its LIKE incest even though it isnt’ as something that just has to be mentioned.. often..?? I dont get it yo. Obviously this isnt actually incest, but it just weirds me out how a game would want to mention incest when it isnt?? As if it would somehow add appeal or something?? Am I overreacting? I mean.. like.. the only other explanation I can think of for why childhood romances in anime are ALWAYS ‘but we were just like siblings’ is that like.. the writers have zero experience with the concept of men and women being friends. Which I could kinda assume already from how this weird angst always has to happen whenever friends fall in love in anime, geez. It always has to be BUT I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS AND WE CANNOT BE FRIENDS NOW WE ARE DATING AND MY FEELINGS WERE ALWAYS LOVE AND NEVER FRIENDSHIP OF COURSE, BLABLABLA. And how if the love isnt recipricated then they almost never get to stay friends afterwards?? And just like.. really.. how EVERY male-female childhood friendship is always ‘we were like siblings’ as an excuse to not really write them being friends?? Its like thats the only excuse they can think of for why a man wouldnt wanna fuck a woman, and EVEN THEN they have to be wrong about their feelings and fuck in the end anyway. This kind of attitude is probably what leads to the sexualization of actual sibling relationships even, and the attitude that rape is inevitable if an attractive woman just EXISTS, and how rape cant happen to men because its just natural any man would want to fuck any woman at any time.... ANYWAY This isnt a criticism of this game (yet), since I havent even played far enough to find out if it does any of this stuff. This is just a vent about how I’ve seen this bullshit happen in a lot of other anime and anime-styled dating sims, and why now I get wary whenever I see a hint of it.

SO YEAH not very high expectations yet, alas which is a shame cos I was pretty excited when i booted it up and now im like BRACE FOR ANIME CLICHES AHOY pretty much describes my first playthrough of FE Awakening too, and I ended up liking that overall even though I had complaints. so I’ll hope for a repeat performance!

ANYWAY now is time to actually get into playing the game, and come back when I have some stuff to say~! I just figured making a post of my initial reactions and speculations and stuff would be fun! Also I didnt expect to be reminded of a rant about anime cliches and waste so much text space on that, lol

BONUS: i like to pronounce the acronym as ‘huhtuhtuhtoym’