#ok well at least i dont have to question my sexuality now! this is fine
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im genuinely intrigued by johndave but i dont think i think they should get together i think its just the thing where youre 13 and have a best bro and maybe you dont even want to admit that much but also youre feeling a little bit more than maybe you should but that would be GAY but at the same time maybe you think thOh okay the world is ending and theres horrors and stuff. lets never think about this again
#like i think they have normal 13 y/o self questioning the horrors stuff but then more External#The Horrors#appear#so theyre just like#ok well at least i dont have to question my sexuality now! this is fine#ITS LIKE WHAT SASUKE DID DURING BRIDGE ARC LIKE CONFESSING EVERYTHING BC HE WAS LIKE#i wont be alive for this!#but for him BOOM hes alive and has to deal with it#i think these two simply dont like enough other things are happening its fine
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hello everyone!
this is a catchall blog for all my osc related content/characters. be it ocs outside anything, or in one of my planned shows such as bfac or bftp or That other one without a name yet. i will occasionally post osc art on here and will blog abt them sometimes. heres some rules for the blog!
WHO CAN INTERACT?
this is a catchall for planned shows. i cant control their fanbases so any ages are fine! but i would prefer you being over 13 at least as some of these shows contain darker topics and themes.
but basic dni criteria still applies, ok? and no endo systems. no opinion on mspec lesbians because i dont know anything about them.
WHAT ARE THESE/WHEN WILL THEY BE RELEASED?
these shows (or games? ;]) are things i plan to release sometime in the future. but NOT the near future. likely years from now as i do not have the time/resources/skills/etc to make them right now and i have a project that will take priority over osc things first.
WILL THIS BE LIKE SOPI?
no. youre free to ask about the characters and ask about their designs/personalities/etc but i won't be releasing any like uhh... blog canon content for this. so basically, i can tell you about planned canon things. but im not gonna be telling you the story and whatnot.
CAN I DRAW YOUR CHARACTERS?
YES!!!!!! i am always willing to receive content of them. be it art, aus, ships,* or anything else, im willing to receive art! tag me in it! send it to me! hell even ASK which ones to draw!
*dont draw anything that would be bad. no incest, pedophillia, abuse, etc. no bad ships.
IS NSFW OKAY?
of non-minor characters, yes. just don't tag me in it/send it to me. youre free to put it on like paheal or r34 or whatever though. and no, i don't have a problem with seeing it. youre free to draw it. i encourage drawing it. i do it myself. i just dont want it sent to me unsolicited or without warning. if i wanna see it, ill seek it out, ok?
CAN I AUDITION FOR YOUR SHOWS/CAN I HELP WORK ON THE PROJECT?
sadly, no. i am not near ready for any help, nor production. i cant even start the show yet, and i don't have any way to really plan it right now. i am not looking for auditions or artists right now.
WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THAT ONE SHOW?
[currently unnamed] is a show somewhat inspired by hfjone, lots, and the waiting room (the show, not the place in hfjone). with object characters having real human names, or going by other names (like absinthe) to conceal their identities. i haven't fully fleshed it out yet, but it will be darker than my other shows.
ARE YOUR SHOWS INTENDED FOR CHILDREN OR A MORE MATURE AUDIENCE?
my shows are not intended for any particular audience. but as i write darker content in other projects and they might stumble across them, it might not be recommended to small children without parental guidance. [currently unnamed] is not recommended for children or "potentially sensitive" audiences.
my non osc projects are not recommended for children, "sensitive audiences", or those who are sensitive to very heavy topics including heavy/extreme blood/gore, violence, death, abuse, sexual content, extreme trauma and psychological horror.
i will not be posting about these non-osc related projects here, and any mentions of osc-related projects with any themes that could potentially be upsetting or triggering will be tagged with related tags such as "blood cw" or "gore cw" or "trauma cw". if i forget to tag these, please let me know. nobody's perfect, not even me somehow (/silly)
any darker fanfics, aus, or other content will be tagged with such tags OR posted the blog .inanimatez, and be wary as these aus WILL CONTAIN DARK TOPICS, INCLUDING ANIMAL DEATH.
but i am not likely to post about those here. if you ARE interested in that go follow the aforementioned blog!
WHAT IF I DRAW A SHIP WITHOUT KNOWING THE CHARACTER IS A MINOR?
well, that's not very likely. and yes i know this is a weird question. but i get the feeling other people didn't realize rocky is potentially intended to be a child at first (NO I DIDNT SHIP ROCKY WITH ANYONE!!! NO I DIDNT DRAW R34 OF HIM. BEFORE YOU GUYS EVEN ASK.)
if you draw a ship with a child character without realizing i won't despise you for it, as long as you didnt realize and stop doing it, and never do it again. that is NOT an excuse for pedophilia or proshipping. i will not tolerate proshipping, pedophilia, or suggestive or pornographic content drawn of ANY child characters, ESPECIALLY not my own. not in any project i make.
(honestly that above part really only applies to when the shows first begin. once its been a while youre just a sicko cause it will have been obvious by then.)
shipping teenager x teenager is fine. its a bit weird if youre not a minor. but its fine nonetheless, i dont care. its no different than shipping like i dunno danganronpa characters or something. (i Think theyre minors?)
this being said most of my characters in this are not minors, and i will generally specify if they are. if you draw any of that shit with child characters from [currently unnamed] you are not excusable!! i will have specified characters' ages in that series and you can't just ignore that. also they literally act like kids and like five of them are toddlers. it is OBVIOUS.
CAN I REQUEST CONTENT OF OTHER OBJECT SHOWS LIKE BFDI OR II?
yes! im more than willing to draw osc content in general, as long as i dont have art block. writing, too, but it may take longer cause i have writer's block more than art block for some reason. most of my drawings are on whiteboardfox, and sometimes i might literally just give you a whiteboard. i can't draw on the device i use tumblr on. its a long story dont ask.
i can't do icons/moodboards/edits/etc though. sorry. if you want moodboards i recommend @happystar-sz and theres a lot of icon blogs out there!!
CAN I REQUEST YOU TO MAKE ME AN OBJECT CHARACTER/GIVE ME IDEAS/HELP ME MAKE A SONA?
sure. i made my friends sonas. ill help you out, no problem! just know i dont know how to draw everything, so i may or may not be able to draw it if it's something more obscure. also i cant draw wings for the life of me but i try.
DO YOU DO COMMISSIONS?
nope! i do my stuff for free. prolly will for some time. i don't have any need for a buncha extra money right now, and wouldn't have any way to acquire it. [peter griffin voice] i dont have a credit card....
CAN I JUST TALK YOU?
yeah sure. i'd prefer people over like 20/21 not trying to be my friends, though. just makes me uncomfortable. youre free to interact with the blog/make requests/draw stuff/etc though, i don't care. i am also uncomfortable with fans of cfmot/ion/modern objects. you can still interact with the blog, yeah. id just prefer you werent my friend though. i dunno if the shows themselves are bad shows honestly they just remind me of trauma stuff. sorry russian people but you make me uncomfy
DO YOU ROLEPLAY?
eh, not really, apart from specific roleplay blogs. i don't like to do just one-on-one roleplays, but i do like askblogs and stuff. if i do roleplay one-on-one its usually with friends only, sorry.
IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I SHOULD KNOW?
i am arospec, and a minor. please don't dm me lookin for sex, or for relationships, or overall weird shit. no i will not show you my feet. no i will not talk about sex to randos, even though im hypersexual. even i have standards, ok?
i use tone tags [such as /j, /lh, /nm, etc.] and i would appreciate it if you did so with me.
i have adhd, ptsd, and ocd, as well as like a buncha other issues. and i am currently (as of april 2023) pretty unwell, and dealing with it. i may be slow to respond to messages/asks/submissions/etc. and i may be inactive overall as i am busy sometimes. please be patient with me.
if i don't respond to something, and have been recently posting online, contact me within 12-24 hours of recent posting! i might've not seen the notif, and since i have like....i dunno, 18 blogs? maybe...20? i do a lotta stuff ok. mostly roleplay.
i have several osc related roleplay blogs. if you go to @silva-spoon or @oscullator you can find a bunch.
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Hello! I love your writing so much!!!!
May I request something along the lines of reader and Joey are friends and had a drunken one night stand and she finds out she’s pregnant and they decide that they will co-parent when the bébé is here but they fall in love during the pregnancy? (Only if you’re comfortable writing it tho) thanksies a lot ♥️
ok so this request fed me an ENDING and its the most awful thing because i like to let my mind wander and come to my own conclusions, so, sorry anon, but i only used the first half of your request and i dont care if you're ok with that or not... ok love you :) bye Wordcount: 5K
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Ground Rules
“I need to talk to you,”
It wasn’t as pressing as we need to talk, but the urgency felt the same when you said it.
“Alright,” Joe had sounded a little confused, but he had no reason to not take you seriously when he heard your tone.
“Not over the phone, face to face,” you clarified, biting a piece of skin by your nail, and ripping a chunk of it off.
“Is something wrong?” Joe asked, his concern growing.
You stared at the positive pregnancy test in front of you on the coffee table.
“Could you come over now?”
The two of you hadn’t been in a room alone since that night. You had both agreed it was such a dumb mistake, one you’d never speak of again – you promised it, and then you made Joe pinky swear you, to really lock it in.
You’d been vulnerable, drunk, and emotional after a date ghosted you, and Joe had been there with kind words, empathetic eyes, and soft hugs for you.
He spent that evening telling your friends, who only wanted to know what was wrong, to leave you alone, and you’d felt all protected by him.
It turned out to be lethal mixture, all of it combined, and it hadn’t scared Joe off when you had said through laughs that one particularly tight hug had given you fanny-flutter. Instead, he’d gone, “Yea? Feel this,” and had guided your hand onto his semi.
You’d left the party immediately.
Afterwards, you’d been just fine within groups. It was easy to pretend you hadn’t heard the noises Joe made when you’d been wrapped and clenched around him, when you were surrounded by other people who steered the conversation.
Joe used his acting skills to make everyone believe he’d never even thought of you that way, all sweaty and panting between his sheets and underneath his hands. But if the two of you crossed paths in an empty kitchen when getting drinks, or in a hallway as you waited for the toilet, it was awkward.
You would be all nervous laughter and Joe would be all tensed shoulders when there wasn’t at least one other person in your presence that you could both latch onto so you wouldn’t have to talk to each other. Avoidance wasn’t the right word, but careful consideration of who you’d be around at social settings was something that kept the both of you on your toes.
Therefore, calling him now, just a little over a month after that night, was odd. And you asking to talk to him face to face in private even more so.
“Hey, you alright?” Joe seemed like he’d rushed, not entirely out of breath, but definitely breathing heavier through flared nostrils. It was obvious that you’d been crying.
“I don’t think we are,” you answered, and Joe curved his eyebrows.
We?
You didn’t know what else to do besides just show him. You lead the way over to your coffee table, let yourself fall onto your sofa and reached for the pregnancy test you’d taken a couple hours earlier. You rolled your wrist to hold it out for Joe to see, who seemingly forgot how to breathe entirely.
“What the…” Joe said when he finally sat down next to you, eyes still glued to the blue plus sign on the small display. “Is it…” Joe finished the rest of his question in his mind: mine? You understood what he meant.
“Sort of has to be,” you answered, revealing you hadn’t had any other sexual partners since him. And, if you were honest, it had been a dry couple of months leading up to that night, as well. It was one of the reasons why it all had played out the way it had in the first place.
“Oh, right,” was all Joe managed to say as he carefully placed the pregnancy test back on the table in front of you, leaving the two of you to stare at it there.
The same whirlwind ravaged through both of your minds as you remained silent for a while.
“What, um... what do you want to do?” Joe was the first to break the silence, eyes not pulling from the plastic device on the table in front of him.
“What do you think we should do?” you passed the ball right back to him.
“I don’t think I get much say, to be honest,” Joe said, and you disagreed, but you knew what he meant and appreciated the sentiment. It would’ve been much worse if he’d demanded you’d do exactly what he wanted for himself, you recognised.
You sighed deeply.
“I don’t know what I want,” you then honestly said, and turned your head to look at Joe. “I’ve got a scan tomorrow, I’m sure they’ll tell me all the options then,” you refrained from saying my options or our options, because both those options sounded far too confrontational.
“Tomorrow?” Joe found your eyes. “Is that not… I don’t know, a bit soon for a scan?”
“It’s been 10 weeks,”
Joe’s brow furrowed and you could see the cogs turning behind his eyes as he did some mental math.
“Not technically, but apparently, they count from the last time you’ve had your period, so, they scheduled me in their first available slot, which is tomorrow afternoon, at a quarter past three,”
You’d just learnt all this information yourself literal minutes ago when you’d phoned you GP mid panic attack. It had been just over six weeks ago that you’d woken up naked in between Joe’s sheets with your legs tangled together and your mouth dryer than you’d ever felt it, so you knew that biologically, you couldn’t have been pregnant for 10 weeks. But your GP hadn’t cared when you tried to explain that, and had instead just presented you with your stats. You hadn’t been able to do anything other than accept them.
“Fuck, if I hadn’t been so stupid,” you started, eyes squeezed shut and wholly blaming yourself for the position you had found yourself in now.
“Hey,” Joe’s fingers found their way around your wrist. “We’ve had this chat already,”
“I know, but–”
“We were both there. We were both fucking stupid,” Joe winced, painfully aware that what he was saying wasn’t fixing the situation, but the shared responsibility did make you feel a little lighter.
Another silence fell, and when you dared another glance at Joe, all signs pointed at him not knowing what to do. It was etched all over his face, and his body language matched it. It was exactly what you’d expected, but the opposite of what you wanted. Or needed.
“Will you come?” Joe snapped out of his thoughts at the sudden fragility in your voice. It sent a shockwave through his nervous system, and when he looked at you, he saw nothing but fear in your eyes.
“Yea, of course. Of course, I’ll come.”
The next day, you decided to not go together, but to meet each other there. You didn’t need to sit next to Joe on your way over without escape, so agreeing to meet in the waiting area seemed a sensible decision to make.
“Did you tell anyone?” you asked Joe, genuinely curious if there were now people inside or outside of your circle that might have a different opinion of you now, but Joe shook his head no.
“Did you?” he shot your question back at you, and you did the same, also shaking your head no.
“I wouldn’t know how to have explained it to anyone,” you said, letting out a pressured cackle, because the only other choice was to cry. You were hardly going to tell any of your mutual friends that you’d snuck off with Joe that night to let him touch various areas inside of your body with various body parts of his. And how else were you going to explain that you’d fallen pregnant with his baby?
“Oh, come on,” Joe frowned at you. “They know.”
And it only occurred to you then, that... they probably did.
Your group of friends wasn’t massive. The house parties you had were better described to be gatherings with background music and loud laughter. Two people suddenly having gone missing after hugging each other on the balcony a lot, must have been suspicious enough.
But, no one had made any comments or had even given you any looks.
Then again, had you really been paying attention to how other people had been acting around you? You couldn’t have been – ever since that night you’d been solely preoccupied with making sure no one was accidentally going to ever step away from you and leave you alone with Joe to chat amongst yourselves.
“Judging by your faces, I’m going to have to ask you, is this a happy occasion? Are we celebrating?” your GP read the both of you as you’d walked in, all fidgety and nervous and gave you a concerned look. Now sat in front of her, she could practically smell the panic on you.
“I… we, we don’t know,” you answered, giving Joe questioning eyes as you did. You didn’t want to speak for him and be wrong, but he nodded.
“What situation are we finding ourselves in, if I may ask?” your GP looked at you over her glasses, and you were sure you looked like a pair of scared 16-year-olds who had made an appointment without your parents knowing. The distance between the two chairs you and Joe sat in opposite your GP didn’t help.
“This- this wasn’t planned,” you motioned at your stomach.
“We’re not together. Not like that,” Joe clarified.
“Well, we were,”
“Once,”
“By accident,”
“Dumb mistake,”
Your doctor’s eyes shot from Joe to you, back and forth, as if she was watching a tennis match.
“Should we first check if everything’s alright, and then we can talk about what the best option would be for you, is that okay?”
And so, minutes later, you were laid on a bed with your stomach exposed as your GP pushed the ultrasound device firmly into the soft skin below your bellybutton. She moved it around and searched for what you thought was too long a time, and both Joe and you stared at a monitor, entirely unsure what you were looking at, and what you were looking for.
“Ah, there we go,” she then suddenly said, and clicked a button, filling the room with a very faint, very rapid, beating sound.
“We’ve got a heartbeat already,”
You gasped, and it was so abrupt, it nearly made you cough. Tears sprung into your eyes at a speed you didn’t even think was humanly possible.
Suddenly, this was real.
Very, very real.
You turned to see if you could gage Joe’s reaction, and then saw that he was holding onto one of your hands with both of his – something you hadn’t even consciously acknowledged until your eyes caught it.
“That’s the heartbeat?” Joe’s eyebrows couldn’t be higher up on his face, his forehead etched with deep wrinkles, desperately needing confirmation from the GP.
“The heartbeat?” he asked again, now through narrowed eyes as your GP just nodded.
“That’s the heartbeat,” Joe then said to you, delivering it as if it was news to you, as if you hadn’t been there for that interaction between them.
“Shit,” you laughed, wiping a tear with the back of the hand Joe wasn’t white knuckling before it could disappear into your hair.
“We’re so fucked.”
When it really came down to it, you had three options: have it and keep it, have it and not keep it, or get rid whilst you still could. All options were laid out on the table with care, and without judgement, and all options led to more choices that had to be made. You and Joe had both listened in complete silence, not wanting to miss any important details, entirely unsure and unaware of what the other was thinking. And you’d been given the gift of time; there was still time to decide. Not enough time to procrastinate it, but you were happy with every minute you were granted.
“I don’t think... I don’t think I can get rid of it,” you said when you were stood outside the doctor’s office, not sure how to say goodbye to each other after what you’d just witnessed inside that doctor’s office, so instead, you postponed it altogether and hovered in each other’s presence for a moment. “I’m sorry.”
“So, then we won’t.” Joe simply said, and his use of the collective ‘we’ left your fingers numb, slightly tingly.
“Joe, you don’t have to– if you don’t want, I’m not going to– you could be–” you couldn’t find the right words to tell him he was allowed to opt out if he wanted to. You weren’t going to hold it against him. It was a decision you’d made last night when you couldn’t sleep, and it had been the only safe thought that had eventually let your mind stop racing enough to drift off. If your choice was to actually do this, you would. With or without him.
“Don’t… none of that, come on. We’ll figure something out,” Joe said, but you didn’t believe him.
“It’s 2022,” he then shrugged, as if that was an acceptable answer to a question that required at least a paragraph for a proper answer. It was far too casual an approach for what was about to be a life altering choice for him. And for you too, of course, but that felt like more of an afterthought. You’d cope.
“Don’t you have to talk this over with, I don’t know, your manager… publicist… you parents?” you tried, entirely aware of what people involved in his career were going to possibly tell him.
“They can advise, but they don’t decide for me.” Joe then reached for both your hands, and it didn’t feel romantic, but it was caring, and protective.
“There was a heartbeat,” he then said, and you understood what he meant.
It was the sole reason why you’d immediately wiped getting an abortion of the table. Because you’d heard it now. You’d heard your baby.
“We’ll figure it out, don’t worry.” He then said and tugged at your arms, pulling you into a hug.
It had taken you a hot minute to be able to use upfront words with each other. Yes, you wanted to have and keep the baby. Yes, you wanted to birth this child and then raise it, be its mother, love it for the rest of its and your life. Saying it was scary, but then hearing Joe echo your exact feelings was scarier. It meant you were going to actually do it.
But you weren’t together – no.
Not like that, anyway.
“Do parents necessarily need to be, though?” Joe had argued, making a case he didn’t need to be making against you, because you agreed wholeheartedly.
“How many people do we know that have parents that are still together?” you pointedly said, and Joe had wanted to kiss you for how much on the same page you were about this.
Your situation almost seemed better than having a baby as a couple. Being together only meant there’d be potential to end up separating, a traumatic event for any child no matter the age, which would potentially leave you hating each other and not on speaking terms. Instead, you were having this baby as great friends, on the same page about so many things, both ready to have a child and love the absolute loving shit out of it. Why was this even considered to be an unconventional decision when all the other options were clearly so much worse?
Out of everyone, your friends needed the most convincing.
“But what if Joe starts seeing someone, and they get serious, and then they also want children together?” they challenged you.
“Then there’ll be siblings,” you’d smiled at all of their worried faces, which only grew more worried as Joe passed you a non-alcoholic beverage, switched out the snacks in front of you for baby carrots, and high-fived you before returning to the conversation on the other side of the room he’d briefly stepped out of when he’d seen you surrounded by friends holding beers.
“Trust me, this is going to work out better than it does for people who get married, buy a house, and then decide to start trying for a baby. We have solid ground rules set in place, it’s absolutely fool proof.”
And you weren’t lying – you truly believed every single word you’d said.
Your friends, however, didn’t trust it one bit, the image of Joe guiding your hand over to touch his penis over his trousers in front of the large windows on the balcony still clear in their minds.
It all seemed perfect.
Until one late afternoon, when Joe’d unexpectedly dropped by with books he’d been given by his mother to give to you, and he had found you in a suggestive dress, baby bump sticking out, twisting your hair around your straightener in the bathroom.
“Oh, great! Thanks!” You excitedly said when you saw what Joe was holding. “Could you leave those on my bedside table for me? I’ve got so many books to get through, I’m going to have to start leaving them places I know I’ll actually have the time to reach for them.”
But Joe didn’t move – he hadn’t even properly heard what you’d said.
“What are you doing?” That dress was too short for the weather you’d been having, he thought.
“Getting ready,” you said upbeat, making eye contact with Joe in the mirror. “I’ve got a date tonight,” you spoke like you were speaking to a girlfriend, giddy excitement written all over your face.
“You’re... you’re wearing lip gloss,” Joe said softly as he frowned, not fully grasping why it was an important detail he felt he needed to point out.
“Hey, have you checked your schedule for two weeks from now? There’s a class I really want to check out, at least go in once, you know, and it’d be great if you– Joe?” you’d seen Joe drift off in thought, his eyes trained on the reflection of your stomach in the mirror.
“Yea?” Joe snapped out of it. “Yea. Yea, um, book it. I’ll find the time,”
“Great,”
In the silence that followed, you could see Joe go through several emotions behind you, and when you turned to look at him, you found that without the distance the mirror gave, everything intensified.
His eyes spoke volumes and Joe didn’t need to articulate his thoughts because you could read them from his face.
“Joe… we’re not– it’s not that we–”
“I know,” Joe interrupted you, jaw tensed. “But... would I be an awful friend if I asked you not to go?”
“You can’t…” you started, then slumped your shoulders and sighed deeply. “That’s not fair, don’t do this to me...”
“You’re pregnant. With my child.” Joe said, wholly believing he was making a fair a point, stretching out a hand to place over your pregnant stomach.
It’s not like you hadn’t thought it over a million times before finally deciding to just go for it. The prospect of having a child with a man you weren’t dating was one you’d so fully accepted, but the fact that this meant that you’d technically be a single mother rubbed you wrong.
It felt lonely.
From the second that you’d secretly given yourself that label, you’d been wanting to change that for yourself.
“I am.” You accepted Joe’s hand, clasped your hand over his and let it rest there for a second.
“But we’re not together, are we?”
A silence lingered where Joe went over every agreement, every choice, every single reason the two of you had gone over in the past two, three months and he carefully let himself dabble with the idea that maybe he’d been wrong and you should talk about this more, and right at this second too.
“You’re right,” but then he decided against it, letting go of your stomach and taking a step back.
“We’re not.”
It had left you with a bad taste in your mouth, and the pit of guilt in your stomach grew fast over the next thirty minutes until it reached a size unmanageable by you, and you ultimately decided to cancel your date.
You knew you were going to have to talk about this with Joe. You still thought it was unfair of him, but it felt smart to get this sorted sooner rather than later.
Perhaps you could come up with some more rules, some you both agreed on, and your guilt could dwindle down so at least you wouldn’t feel exactly where it sat in your body.
“fine” you texted Joe. “ive canceled the date”
It took a minute for Joe to reply.
“you didnt need to” Joe sent, followed by, “not for me”
And you agreed, but you didn’t think Joe was being honest. Because if you didn’t cancel the date for him, then who would you be cancelling for?
The moment you thought it, you knew the answer.
“did it for the baby”
And you realised as you typed it up that it was the truth. If there was one thing you weren’t going to let happen, was bringing this baby into a life where its parents didn’t communicate with each other properly. So, cancelling your date so you could first establish several more ground rules in this area with Joe seemed reasonable.
“you owe me dinner” you added, because now, because of Joe, suddenly, your evening was empty and you’d squirmed your way into your dress for nothing.
“omw”
Joe grinned when you let him into your apartment in leggings and an oversized sweatshirt you’d owned for years. Just your comfy self, the girl he knew and had come to grow so fond of.
“I’m sorry,” he started, entirely engulfed by his own cloud of guilt that hung so low over him, his entire head felt stuck in it and he couldn’t see out far past the fog very far.
“Eh,” you waved it off, acting aloof, but glad he said it.
Your attention was with what he was holding.
“What did you get?” it smelled great.
“It was a hard choice between all the cravings you’ve been mentioning,” Joe put two white take away bags down on your kitchen table. “So, I didn’t choose. Just got all of them.” And if you hadn’t already fully forgiven Joe for fucking up your evening, this would have certainly done it.
“We need more ground rules, specifically for dating,” it was a while later, and technically, you’d finished dinner. You were sat on your knees, butt pushed against your calves and shins pressed into your plush area rug, as you picked from the half empty tubs of take-away with your fingers, just helping yourself to the little bits you actually really liked.
“Okay, yes,” Joe was spread out on your sofa opposite you, the top button of his jeans undone, having eaten entirely too much, entirely too fast.
“Easy,” he then said and looked at you.
“Rule number one: no dating.”
Your face dropped and you gave him a sarcastic glare.
“For the both of us?” you then challenged, thinking maybe Joe had forgotten that he’d rope himself in on these ground rules as well.
Joe comically blinked his eyes and searched for the right words, the noises coming from his mouth a stumbling mess of wells and uhms. It was moments like these that you were reminded why you liked hanging out with Joe so much – he could so effortlessly make you genuinely smile in the easiest and smallest of ways.
“That’s what I thought,” you said and grinned at Joe’s stupid face.
You loved that stupid face.
Then suddenly, your face fell.
You went from all smirks and throat giggles to big, scared eyes and a furrowed brow in the fraction of a second.
Joe saw, and sat up immediately.
“Oh my God,” both your hands found the underside of your baby bump, as if you wanted to hold it up and carry the weight of it in your hands.
That felt weird.
“What’s wrong?” Joe sounded more panicked than you, feet now swung onto the floor, ready to get up and swing into action if you said the word.
“What the– oh my God, come here, quick,” you moved up onto your knees from sitting on your calves and held out an arm for Joe to grab.
Joe was quick, moving over to help you stand up.
But you didn’t need help standing.
Instead, you took Joe’s hand and moved it to where you’d felt it, pressing his open palm to an area scarily close to your crotch, but that hadn’t even crossed your mind.
“Do you feel that?”
And Joe focused, staring at your stomach, now on his knees in front of you, his fingers spread wide, using both his hands too to catch more surface area, not wanting to miss what he’d been hoping to witness for weeks now.
“I felt it against my thighs,” you spoke softly, scared that noise might scare it off.
A couple of seconds passed, and nothing happened. Joe didn’t move, though.
“Felt like an elbow or a–” for the first time ever in your life, you were interrupted by your baby, and you smiled when Joe looked up at you with big, excited eyes, shocked at what he was experiencing.
Whatever limbs your baby was pushing out, it did more of it the more you spoke, and when Joe started laughing, it felt like your baby was trying to climb its way out of you through your skin well before its due date.
“Ow, Jesus, okay,” you winced.
“Let’s calm down, that’s my pubic bone you’re kicking, mate,” you rubbed in the spot you felt it, and Joe copied your movements, trying to ease the pain.
“Joe,” you took hold of one of Joe’s wrists, stilling his movements.
“Maybe let’s not do that so close to my vagina, alright?” you joked, and Joe smiled as he looked down at them, but kept his hands where they were.
“What if…” Joe started and shot his eyes up at you. You moved your head just a twitch, almost warning him for what you thought the end of that sentence was going to be.
“What if I wanted to?”
You swallowed thickly, immediately aware of you close you were to each other. You could smell the food Joe’d just eaten on his breath if you wanted to.
“Don’t say shit like that,” you started, moving to sit back down like you’d been sitting before, moving Joe’s hands away from you. “You can’t rile me up like that, look where it got us the last time we did that,” you said, wrapping your stomach in your own arms.
“Even if I meant it?” Joe copied you, moving back to sit on his heels, his eyes riddled with big emotions you wish they wouldn’t display so readily.
“You can mean anything and everything you say when you’re horny, Joe,” you dismissed him entirely, not ready to delve back into the place you’d last visited when you’d managed to create what was now seemingly kicking your pelvis.
Joe eyed you for a minute, unsure how to make himself clearer to you.
“Okay,” he then said, “Ground rules for dating. Like I said. No dating.” Joe repeated himself from earlier, and you were ready to tut at him, but he was fast to raise a finger at you.
“Unless!”
He paused for effect.
“We date each other.”
Joe pursed his lips into a small smile, and for a moment you couldn’t tell if he was joking or not. But then he moved back up high onto his knees and reached for your face with both hands. You just stared at him as his fingers took hold of your cheeks, fingers curling around your jaw and ears.
“I’m serious,” Joe then said, and you could tell from his whole being that he was.
“What about–” you tried with a shaky voice as Joe got closer, but didn’t even know how you’d imagined to finish that sentence.
“What about what?” Joe knew he wasn’t going to get an answer, and when he glanced from your lips towards your eyes, he saw that you were looking at his lips too.
Joe kissed you.
Slow.
And soft.
Then alternating fluttery kisses with longer, deeper ones.
And you let him.
Even though it fully went against everything you’d been spewing about to your friends for months. You’d come up with so many reasons why not being together as a couple was actually a godsend for this child, and how you were going to prove yourselves right, they would just have to wait, and see, and trust you.
Joe kissed you.
Rougher after a while, like he'd grown hungrier and needed more of you, but when one of his hands moved down to caress your stomach, he slowed back down and it was blissfully romantic.
It was hard for you to stay present and not float away.
“Fuck, how are we going to– to explain this to our friends,” you breathed, Joe's lips now pressing wet kisses into your neck as you panted.
You remembered how adamant you’d been about how your situation was the absolute best one for a baby to be birthed into, but now you were very aware that this one was infinitely better.
“Oh, come on,” Joe pulled back and frowned at you, but you could detect his dumb little smile underneath.
“They know.”
the end
A/N: hahah dumb bitches, i did use the requested ending because ultimately it was perfect ♡ (read the prequel here)
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The Taglisted: @ghostinthebackofyourhead @kiwisa @jasminearondottir @josephquinned @cancankiki @sidthedollface2 @dylanmunson @munsonsgirl71 @alana4610 @emmamooney @xomunson @sadbitchfangirl @jssmth5 @nobody-000 @thatonefan-girl @paola-carter @eddiemunsonfuxks @figmentofquinn @haylaansmi @thewondernanazombie @hellowhatthehellisgoingonhere @munsonmunster @kellysimagines @thefemininemystiquee @dirtyeddietini - add yourself
#joe quinn#joseph quinn#joe quinn x reader#joseph quinn x reader#joe quinn fluff#joseph quinn fluff#joe quinn fanfic#joseph quinn fanfic#ground rules
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Better
Word Count: 3.9K
Pairing: Buckybarnesxfem!reader
{This is for @metalbuckaroo's challenge. I had this brewing for a minute but college has got in a chokehold. I chose prompt #30 from the given prompt list. I hope y'all like this read. Love, R}
Bucky trailed behind Y/N as she ignored his calls. Her boots clicked loudly in the small hallway as she rushed towards their shared apartment. Her keys shook in her hand, body tense with anxiety and anger.
Bucky reached her at the door, his hands loosely gripping her arms. Y/N shoved the door open, her body snapping away from his. Y/N haphazardly throws her keys in the small bowl that sat on the hallway side table.
Her chest heaved with deep breaths as she tried to remain calm.
“Y/N please, what is going on? Why are you so mad?” Bucky questioned, slamming the door behind him as his own frustrations started to catch up with him.
“I'm going to bed.” Is all she said to him without even meeting his eyes. She was quick to enter her room and lock the door before he could say anymore. Bucky stood behind her door in confusion. His body still tingled with the lasting effects of the shots he took hours prior.
Sitting on your bed, Y/N finally released. Her shoulders dropped, her body hunching over itself as the tears started flowing.
Y/N had been looking for Bucky for what felt like hours. He was her ride back to the apartment and having been at this party for over four hours- she was exhausted. There was a twinge of disappointment that lingered in her caused by Bucky's disappearance. He invited her to this party tonight but quickly left her to her own devices the moment the both of them walked through the frat’s doors.
The house was mainly empty except for the few lingering bodies that were drunkenly wandering around. She climbed up the stairs that lead to a common room on the second floor. Y/N’s cute white go-go boots were tight on your feet, making her wince at every step. Fashion was a moment type thing, not a four hour long excursion.
Y/N heard a group of voices leading from the common room once you reached the top of the stairs. She listened out waiting to see if she could hear Bucky’s voice before walking through the doors of the common room.
“I don't know why you hang out with that girl Bucky.” Her ears perked at his name. Y/N almost walked through the door but she took a step back to listen to what they were saying.
“Yeah, shes fucking weird.” The group laughed. “I mean look at how she dressed tonight. She’s wearing a costume.”
Y/N looked down at her 80’s inspired dress with a frown. She thought she looked cute tonight, Bucky said she looked cute. She couldn't stop blushing after she heard his words.
“She’s a freak barnes. All she does is follow you around. Are you sure you guys aren't dating?” One of the boys asked with a chuckle. No one said her name yet but she knew they were talking about her. She could tell.
“Y/N’s not that bad. She just doesn't have any friends. I don't like her like that, not my type. She's got that weird anxiety thing.” Bucky's voice finally sounded out from the group. Y/N heart hurt hearing his words. Weird anxiety thing?
“Yeah, making her a freak. So you're just friends with her out of pity? Are you at least getting community service hours?” The group laughed again, Bucky's deep laugh standing out to Y/N.
“You have a lot of strength for a man who's not getting any ass from the girl he's keeping company with. Shes weird as fuck but her body is still bangin. Have you ever copped a feel of her tits? I would hang out with the loser if I got to fuck her too.” Someone commented. Y/N felt bile rise in her throat. She could feel a panic attack approaching having heard the sexual comments about her body. She stepped out from around the wall into the common room. All eyes snapped up to her, some eyes widening in shock. Bucky just looked up, not catching on that his roommate may have heard the horrid words said about her.
“I-im ready to go home, Bucky.” She hadn't looked up from where her feet were rooted on the stained wood floors. Bucky slowly wobbled up from his seat. The rest of the guys watching quietly, some snickering at Bucky's submissiveness.
“Here sweets, you're gonna have to drive.” Bucky says handing his keys over to Y/N. Without looking at him, she snatches the keys from his hands and quickly retreats to his car. Bucky stumbles behind her confused by her attitude.
Y/N walked to Bucky’s car, arms covering whatever they could cover on her body. Her mind telling her she was unsafe, her anxiety telling her even worse things.
Bucky eyes burned from the headache he had. He felt physically ill as he woke up from the living room couch. Last night's activities blur in his mind, no clear memories presenting themselves. He sits up to rest his forearms on his knees trying to calm his bubbling stomach.
The first thing he notices as he comes to his senses is the lack of Y/N’s noise. Normally the small apartment would be filled with the sounds of her sunday playlist as she cleans about. He also doesn't smell her extra dark and strong coffee that she only makes for sundays. He doesnt smell her out of the can cinnamon rolls either that she would normally wake him up with on a small tray with said coffee.
He finds it odd that her presence is lacking in the apartment. Standing, he makes his way over to her room knocking on it slightly. He hears shuffling from the other side but no one comes to open the door.
“Hey sweets, everything ok?” He knocks again to gain her attention.
“I-Im fine Bucky, please go away.” She stutters out to Bucky. Bucky is shocked by her statement not used to being pushed away by her.
“Oh ok, just let me know if you need anything.” He says quietly.
Y/N remained the same way over the next few days. She rarely came out of her room when she was in the apartment leaving Bucky on his own. She stopped making him meals out of kindness or filling up his canisters of water for workouts. She stopped baking him treats as midday pick me ups. She didnt wait for him to get out of classes so they could gossip about what was going on on campus. She didnt bother him at all.
Bucky felt uneasy about Y/N’s silence. He was hurt by her sudden disappearance. Hurt that she could just ghost him without any reason. But there was a reason, Bucky just didnt remember.
Y/N sluggishly walked into the apartment after taking an extensive exam in one of her classes. She tried to walk quietly throughout the apartment to not catch the attention of Bucky. She walks softly on her feet close to the opening of the kitchen.
“Hey.” A quiet voice makes Y/N jump in her spot. Her mission of going unnoticed failed. Bucky leans against the kitchen counter that is parallel to the opening of the kitchen. His feet are crossed in front of him, hands holding a cup of tea.
“Hi.” Her tone matches his. She turns her body to face his, hands fidgeting with each other. She slightly moved from foot to foot, a trait that had been acquired out of nerves. Bucky recognized her tic, his heart constricting at the thought that he might have done something to cause it.
“Y/N, please, what's going on?” Bucky can see that she's not wearing one of her normal outfits that are adorned in bright colors and fun patterns. Instead, her body is covered in a boring sweater that hides most of her body. She wears a large pair of jeans underneath, a belt tightly bounding it to her body.
“Nothing Bucky.” She dismisses. Bucky feels his anger peak. A range of emotion he tried to hide away breaching over its point. He missed his best friend beyond belief and all she could give was a few words.
“It's not nothing Y/N!” He snaps slamming his mug of tea on the counter. Y/N flinches at the sound. Her hands start to shake, not out of fear of Bucky but from unwarranted anxiousness. “I've given you your space but its killing me. I miss you Y/N. I dont get what happened?”
Y/N feels her eyes well up with tears.
“You hurt me Bucky.” It was Bucky’s turn to flinch hearing her words. He hurt her?
“I don't know what I did though.” His voice sounded childlike as he whined.
“At the party, you let your friends talk poorly about me. You-you let them call me a freak and-and weird. They made fun of my clothes and said you were hanging out with me out of pity and you just sat there and laughed James!” Her voice rose with every word. Bits and pieces of that night float around in his head. He can slightly remember the conversation but nothing is clearly showing in his head.
“I'm sorry they said that Y/N but you know that's not true. We both know our relationship, I don't know why you're letting them get to you.”
“They talked about my anxiety. You talked about my anxiety!”
“That's it? That's why you're not talking to me?” He exclaimed throwing his hands in the air.
“You let them sexualize me!” The kitchen filled with an uncomfortable silence. Bucky’s exterior softened.
“What?” His tone was drastically softer than it was earlier.
“You just sat and listened to them as they talked about my body. They talked about my boobs and if youve had sex with me and you said nothing. They said that they would hang with the loser if they could fuck me...How could you let them say that about me?” Y/N whimpered. Her hands cradled her face as she sobbed. Bucky saw the way her chest heaved with each sob, tears forming in his own eyes.
“I didn't know. I wouldn't have let them say those things sober. You have to know that.” He almost fell to his knees pleading for her forgiveness.
“You even said you wouldn't date me. I know its stupid but I thought you liked me back. You told me you loved me. You've taken me out on dates. You've kissed me for goodness sake!”
“I know and I'm sorry. I do like you, I don't know why I said that. I like you so much.” His knees buckled slightly but he held his ground.
“Obviously you dont Bucky. We should just stay away from each other from now on and I won't be renewing my leasing contract at the end of the semester.” She finalizes. Buckys whispers a small no in protest. “You really hurt me, Bucky. I would never let anyone slander you. I respect you too much to allow for someone else to disrespect you.”
With that being said, she gave Bucky one last look over before walking away. Bucky was knocked out of his thoughts at the sound of her door slamming shut and the lock being secured.
Bucky sat on the kitchen floor, the cold tile seeping through his pants to chill his legs. His face adorned with a frown, tears sliding down his warm cheeks. Y/N was his best friend and he ruined it by being a shitty person. He knows he should have defended her, defended their relationship.
Bucky’s rolly chair was his only source of entertainment at his desk in the lobby of the admissions office. Today was a slow day. There were only a few students who came in asking for help finding buildings or looking for the financial aid office. Some high school student came in for tours but his coworkers beat him to doing tours so here he was stuck in the quiet office. He had already stolen a large amount of guest snacks, a cold bottle of tea and a sugar cookie with the school's logo on it.
His chair spinning activities came to a halt when he heard the front door open with a small jingle sounding from it. He took a moment to let the dizziness fade away before he looked up. Bucky felt his breath stop in his throat.
There stood a girl with overalls and a bright colored top. She wore dark green converse, high tops, with frilly socks that peeked from the top. She had large glasses that framed her face perfectly. She was looking around the office, eyes wide with wonder. Her eyes finally met Bucky's, making a large smile appear on her face.
“Hi!” She exclaimed walking up to Bucky’s desk.
“Hey, what can I help you with today?” Bucky asked cooly.
“I just transferred here and I was wondering if you knew where I could apply for on campus jobs?” She placed her hands on top of the counter of Bucky’s desk. He admired her baby blue acrylics that had white flowers on them.
“Oh um, the admissions office is hiring. We do all of the tours for highschool students, or package and mail acceptance letters. Sometimes we plan scholarship events. It's an easy pay type of job. I just sit here and do homework my whole shift.” Bucky answers. “What's your name so I can get my boss to contact you?”
“Y/N Y/L/N.” Bucky quickly scribbled your name on a post it note and stuck it to his laptop as a reminder. “Do you really like this job or are you just trying to pull me in?” She jests with a small smile on her face.
“I mean it's a decent job but im sure with you working here it would make it ten times prettier.” Bucky smirked at the giggle that escaped Y/N. He wasn't normally a flirt but he couldn't help himself with this one.
“Oh really? How many times have you said that line to a girl?” Bucky put a hand to his chest in a fake offense.
“You think too low of me Y/N. I saved that one for the prettiest girl to walk through the door.”
“Hmm, ok. I'll believe it only because my ego needs this boost. Hey, you never told me your name. How am I supposed to write about this encounter in my journal if I don't have your name?”
“My name is James but I prefer if people just call me Bucky. Short for Buchanon, I know it's weird.” Bucky leans back in his chair, arms crossed. He can see her eyes checking out the way his muscles flex underneath his long sleeve shirt. He may have purposefully flexed a little extra for show.
“No, I love it. I dont think ive ever met a Bucky.” She counters. She leans forward, placing her elbows on the counter, her chest pressed against the front of the counter.
“Well I'm glad I'm your first Bucky.” He jokes with a small smile on his face. There was a small moment of silence shared between the two as they just looked at each other. Bucky couldn't help but think about how cute she was as Y/N thought the same thing.
“Oh gosh, I'm probably holding you up from your work.” She snaps out of her little spell rolling her eyes at herself. “I should get going.”
Bucky frowned at the idea of her leave, wanting nothing more than to continue talking to the new girl.
“Right, of course. Maybe I could get your number...so I can notify you about the job.” Bucky proposes. Y/N raises one eyebrow in question, a knowing smile placed on her lips.
“Sure thing bucky.” He hands her a pen and post it for her number. “I wouldn't be opposed to you using this number for things other than work too.” She suggested. She signed her name on the post it note ending it with a small heart.
“I will definitely take you up on that offer. No take backs though when I start sending you random shit.” She giggled, leaning up from her spot. Bucky basked at the sweet sound. He stood up to meet her on the other side of the desk.
“Well Bucky, it was lovely to meet you.” She stuck her hand out for him to shake, he reciprocated the action. Her hands were soft and warm, he thought. She gave him one last smile before walking away.
It was warm outside on the quad as Bucky sat by himself. He sat at the table that would normally be occupied by Y/N and him. Y/N would bring lunch- made by her. Anytime Bucky would try to help her by making lunch she would kick him out of the kitchen. Today, Bucky sat by himself, with no hand made lunch. He had a greasy bag of french fries and a large coke. He planned on eating his sorrows away.
“Hey Bucky!” A voice yelled out to him. Looking up from his fries, Bucky looked towards the sound that broke him out of his fries excursion. Tanner and Logan, his friends from the party, came walking over to him. They both sat down, throwing their lunch onto the table.
“Where's Ms. weirdo?” Tanner asks, mouth full of food. Bucky grimaced at Tanner's manners. He also felt the anger he should have felt on Saturday bloom in his chest.
“She's not weird.” Bucky snapped, fists tightening in his lap. Tanner scoffed, Logan laughing along with him.
“Says you. She is fucking weird. Did you finally get some from her or something? Defending her and shit.” Logan clapped Tanner on his back agreeing with him. “Shit, good for you dude. I would have fucked her a while ago. Probably would have kept her face down so I wouldn't have to see her-”
Before Tanner could finish his sentence, he was thrown from his seat from the powerful punch being landed on his jaw. His feet flew from where he was sitting, landing on his back with a heavy thud.
“Dude what the fuck?” Tanner stood wiping his face from the blood that started to trickle down from his bloody eyebrow. Bucky had never felt anger like this before. His heart was racing, his breathing labored. His cheeks were red and warm, eyebrows turned down.
“No, you don't get to make fun of her and make sexual comments about her.” Bucky snarled. Tanner rolled his eyes, walking closer to Bucky.
“Oh fuck off with that! You didn't defend her this hard on saturday.” Tanner's mistake after his words was shoving Bucky's shoulders back. Bucky reacted quickly by shoving Tanner with even more force.
Tanner threw a punch to Bucky’s jaw, making his head fly back. Bucky tackled Tanner to the ground, throwing punches left and right. Tanner fought back, hands flying landing punches wherever he could land them.
Logan was able to pull Bucky off of Tanner, warning the two that campus police would arrest them if they were caught. Both boys stared at each other fuming. Bucky snatched his trash and his backpack up, the scowl never leaving his face.
“If I ever see you looking or talking to Y/N, I will bash your face in.” Bucky growled.
Y/N felt better today. She found the strength to wear a cute outfit versus the oversized clothes she had been wearing prior out of fear. She didn't want anyone to look at her in any harmful way. She wanted to wear her cute outfits that were sometimes form fitting and short. She liked to wear her cute period pieces that had her own twist on them. She spent many years hating her body and the way she looked. She deserved to feel cute without thinking she is at fault for being sexualized and poorly treated.
She whipped out one of her favorite outfits today, loving the way it fit on her body making her feel confident. Sitting at the front desk of the admissions office, her feet propped up on the desk. Her shift was going by slowly, no one needing assistance this late in the day.
The door burst open making Y/N jump from her seat. She stood up shocked to see Bucky walk in with a huff. He wasn't supposed to work today but here he was. Y/N gasped looking at his cut lip and bruising eye.
“Bucky, what happened?” She maneuvered her way around the desk to stand in front of the beat up boy. She placed both of her hands on his cheeks to examine his injuries. He moved his face away from her tears brimming his eyes.
“I'm sorry Y/N. I'm really sorry. I should have protected you from them. I should've told them not to speak about you that way. You are more than some eye candy for men to act disgusting towards. You are beautiful and eclectic. You have a brilliant mind that shines brighter than anyone elses on this campus.” He spoke to her softly.
“I don't understand Bucky. What made you have this change of heart? You didn't give two shits about me last weekend.” She crossed her arms defensively.
“I know and I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe it was the alcohol but that's no excuse. I love you. I love all of you. You're not weird. You're your own person and I love everything about you. You do so much for me and I feel like shit for not doing the bare minimum for you.” His words stunned her.
“You love me?”
“God, with everything I have. Since the day you walked in here with those overalls. I've spent the past four years loving you.” Bucky whispered. He grabbed her hand, thumb rubbing over her knuckles.
“I love you too, Bucky. I really do and I'm hurt. I don't think the hurt will go away for some time. You let them speak horribly about me. If you loved me like I was your girl, you would have defended me.” She spoke sorrowfully.
“I know, I know. I can't change the fact that I did nothing but I can tell you that I'm sorry. I'm always going to protect you. I did today. Tanner may be sporting a nasty goose egg on his eye because of his dumbass words.” Y/N giggled softly, touching his bruising knuckles.
“Thank you, Bucky.”
“I want to go back to normal. I miss you in the mornings and-and during our lunch breaks outside. I miss you.” Bucky stated.
“I miss you too.”
Bucky watched her eyes drop down to his lip, busted and all. He leaned forward slightly hoping she would meet him in the middle. She met him the rest of the way pressing her lips to his. Bucky relished this moment. He relished to be even sharing moments with the girl he's been in love with since the second he saw her.
“I'm gonna be better, I promise.”
#metalbuck's 2k writing challenge#college!bucky#james bucky barnes#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky angst#bucky x y/n#james buchanan barnes
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10 Anti LO Asks
1. you know whats also bad about the red eyes? not only do they look awful on persephone's pink color, they're not even a unique feature? like we've seen hades' eyes go red, we've seen eros' eyes go red, and ares' eyes are ALWAYS red, so even this idea its her "unique queenly trait" doesnt even hold up?? because we've seen it on other characters before?like at least the blue glowing eyes looked unique and even gave her a possessed, otherworldly look, something with the red eyes just dont have.
2. The faces in the latest ep (not fastpass).... Ew
3. I saw someone praise lore olympus art, specifically the ones where Apollo is playing his lyre and Daphne is covering her ears while her hair is split in two (yuck! Bad decision looks awful) so we can see Apollo, the one where she transforms into her hibernation state (weird perspective, chin and neck, I think, also what the hell was that supposed to be?) and the last one before cutting to Thanatos (which, I admit looks a little better that the other but I still got distracted Apollo's arm among other things).
Now, Rachel is a professional artist like 15-25 years older than me (I dunno her age) drawing one of the most liked webtoons.
I feel like I'm nitpicking or being too harsh or crazy because I think it is a little terrible and this person thinks it's amazing and I know art is subjective and all but like the difference of opinion is jarring. I am by no means a professional and my art leaves a lot to be desired and I guess I don't have incredibly high standards (or do I? I'm second guessing). Is it really that good?
Because I know that Smythe commits more than a few anatomy atrocities. I wanted to redraw a few panels two years ago and I noticed a few things that Don't Work Like That.
4. ok but that other anon is right. we shouldnt have to go off old tumblr asks or random tweets to understand what's going on and who the characters are. rachel doesnt realize you have to actually write whats going on, not putting the readers on a scavenger hunt trying to figure out what they're even reading.
5. im honestly surprised LO hasnt ruined more mother figures at this point. maybe maia will be next and depicted as neglectful and hermes is only the way he is because hes acting out to be noticed by her, maybe dione will slut shame aphrodite, who knows, the possibilities are endless when its about ruining every mother figure to prop persephone and hera up and to avoid giving the characters actual personalities that isnt dependent on mommy/daddy issues.
6. I hate the clothing choice for Daphne in run for your life. It felt like she was drawn in a sexualized manner when she shouldn’t have been because she was running away from a r*pist. Like she almost had a nip slip, we almost got her ass, it was like Rachel was trying to fit her butt and chest in a lot of the frames like some video game with the token woman character. Like if a different dress was choosen or how she made Daphne tie the dress, I just feel like Rachel can’t draw outside of pinup sexy that well. Like sexy is fine for sexy scenes but running away from a r*pist is not sexy. (I probably sounded really lame, but the way Rachel presents the story in a feminist way but can only draw one way in not even the same style is annoying)
7. Things I think would have been better for the story instead of focusing so much on HXP
-Expanding on Minthe’s and Hades beginning of their relationship (he couldn’t of fallen for her since she didn’t laugh at him and when she yelled at him said it’s not your fault but you have the hat I think that would have added to his character more to see him more than a 40 year old who hits on barely legal)
-Leto’s kidnapping of Demeter. Both we/are close with Hera, and probably know or each other or may have been friends. Like I wanna know how Leto kidnapped her but also how are they interacting since they probably know each other and Demeter probably had Hera’s back when Hera ended their friendship.
-Ares return to Aphrodite. We don’t get to see much of her character but we know this is something she’s wanted, but they way it was handled was so flat, We assume Aphrodite told Ares that his gf slept with his father to save their son but we don’t actual read any words between the couple. And then they’re living together. I wanna see how they actually interact and stay together like their better moments. Like how well did he settle in, did they talk about how long he left for or is he mad like come on that’s something interesting but I feel like RS can’t write outside of HXP
-the deal with Echo. Why do people think Echo could possibly be Hera’s gf if she’s her assistant. Yeah they do dirty work together BUT I didn’t get a wiff or sexual tension or anything. Was it that she was there with the doctor? It just seems like Hera is that CEO trope who has the assistant always by her now.
-a little more of Pysche and Aphrodite friendship. Like Pysche says Aphrodite is lonely (and we can assume a part of that is Ares) but also because she “doesn’t have many friends” so why not a solo scene of just the two of them being actual friends. Like what did Aphrodite say when she brought back a purple nymph that was gonna help them with their work.
-Hermes not talking about Persephone. I feel like that 99% of what his character is and then just a little bit of himbo.
-Maybe Thantos and Minthe started flirting/hooking up. We’re they friends first or flirts first? Was it after Hades and Minthe got into a fight or something else? What did Thantos like about Minthe and what does she like about him? Why did she stay with Hades with Thantos was there (it’s not like she wanted to be queen of the underworld) How did Thantoas and Thetis meet and become friends? Idk if I was seeing two guys and one of them actually liked my friend I might consider leaving Hades for him. But again hades did have the power to control everything in Minthe’s life (job, home, everything) I do like Daphne and Thantos But I feel like the transition could have been better if we knew more, but again RS can only focus on one thing and that’s HXP.
------FP Spoiler/Mention------
8. FP SPOILERS— I’m done. I’m really done. We called it. We FKN called it. They got married behind the readers back, Demeter didn’t respond to the question as she actively avoided it and time was up, Apollo is somehow involved in the trial- THIS WHOLE THING IS A MESS AND IM TIRED OF HOPING THAT IT GETS BETTER. Four FKN years of this??? I’m done with this Webtoon even though I’m FKN stuck in it. I’m so FKN done.
9. Fast Pass spoiler (kinda) OH MY GOD, I JUST REALIZED THE POMEGRANATE PIN IS JUST PASTED ON EVERY FRAME, NOT EVEN RE DRAWN FOR PERSPECTIVE, NO, JUST COPIED AND PASTED, REGARDLESS THE OUTFIT ANGLE AND LIGHTING, IT'S HILARIOUS!!!I mean, I knew the art was decaying, but this just made me laugh out loud of how bad it looked.
10. persephone’s pomegranate pin just looks like a giant fly that landed on her and won’t leave LMAO
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ill take the floor - patrick moynihan.
summary: only one bed trope.
word count: 1.3k.
warnings: maybe one bad word.
a/n: so here it is, one of the only tropes i have not written yet. hope you enjoy and of course thank you to caitee (@joelsfarabees ) for saying do it. this went through about four drafts so uhm enjoy! italicized and bolded is going back in time.
taglist: ( send in ask if you want to be added) @hartsyhart @nhlpetey @mitch-slap @frostythegoalman @kirbysdch @aria253264 @josty @kaitieskidmore1 @kiedhara @laurenairay @finnishmafiaa @alxvlasic @hockeyallthetime @barzy-baby @bowenbyram @martynecass @joshsandersons @connormcdavo @maattamatthews @joelsfarabees @selenophileangel @boqvistsbabe @ana-maa @stars-canucks @bowberrybyram @sidscrosbyy @2manytabsopen @wh0r3forpatrick
tagging some buds: @simplyjosty @beauvibaby @heybarzy @tkachuk-yeah @cozycozzy
Summer. Something everyone looked forward to. No more school. No more having to worry about loads of assignments and time to finally wind down and relax. For certain people that meant going on trips, going to the beach, or just staying home. But for the Moynihan family that meant renting up a beach house or cabin.
It happened every year. Having Patrick away at college and not having much free time, it was a nice way to spend some time together.
This year Patrick suggested somewhere up in the mountains where him and his buddies from Providence had gone for winter break earlier in the year. Apparently everyone else on the east coast had the same idea as him because as they made their arrangements only one cabin was up for grabs and they took it without much consideration.
In three days they would drive out three hours to their destination travel spot. So after much talk Patrick and his sister Ciara were in their living room helping their parents set everything up that needed to be taken care of.
"So Pat excited to see Y/N?" Ciara said as she looked up at her twin brother.
"Considering i haven't seen her in person this whole school year yeah im pretty excited." He smiled as he thought about seeing you again. He missed you even though you guys talked whenever you could.
"So are you gonna make a move on her this year?" Ciara said suggestively as she wiggled her eyebrows.
"I dont know what you are talking about." Patrick said as he placed the rest of his bags by the door.
"Oh I see the way you look at her." Ciara said.
You were a mutual friend. But over the years of knowing each other you grew closer to Patrick, maybe even developing a small crush on him along the way. They had invited you over to the cabin to catch up. You being away at college. Ciara knew about your crush on her brother and how her brother felt about you so she had made it her mission to get you guys to get closer on this trip. Or at least for one of you to make a move on the other.
Everyone arriving safely at the cabin except some bickering between the twin siblings.
The kids ansty to go see what the cabin had to offer. "Here go ahead." Mrs. Moynihan said as she handed them the keys and they rushed inside piling their bags in the corner of the living room.
After seeing what was behind each door all of you walked back to the living room and Mrs. Moynihan spoke up.
"2 per room, so choose wisely who your roommate for the week will be."
"I choose Casey." Ciara spoke up almost too quickly. "Sorry Pat you're a snorer and Y/N you stay up way too late, i need my beauty sleep."
"Are you ok with this?" Patrick turned to face you.
"Yeah i'm good. I mean we are both adults sort of. Yeah we can handle it." You smiled at him and shot a glance at Ciara.
"So now that that's settled let's start dinner." Mrs. Moynihan said as she led you all to the kitchen.
~~~
All of you sat around the fireplace outside as you finished dinner. Roasting marshmallows and eating smores.
The adults then going inside and leaving you guys outside as you talked and stargazed.
"I think i'm gonna head inside im getting pretty tired." You said as you got up and said your goodnights.
"What Y/N going to sleep before any of us, that's a first." Ciara spoke up.
"Oh shut up." You said hitting her shoulder playfully. Pat jogging up to catch up to you as both of you headed to the farthest bedroom.
"What not wanting to get bombarded on your love life by your sisters?" You raised your eyebrows playfully at him.
"Like i have one." He laughed.
"Oh really hotshot pat doesn't have a love life, i highly doubt that." Both of you laughing about it and stepping in your bedroom.
After both of you changed you each stood on one side of the bed.
"So uhm i can take the floor." Patrick said as he grabbed the pillow.
"Pat I am not letting you sleep on the floor. Not like we haven't fallen asleep together on the couch before. It's fine." You said as both of you got under the covers turning your backs against each other.
~~~
A few days had passed and it seemed that every day that passed both you and Patrick got closer and closer each morning waking up in each other's arms, the first night being kind of awkward.
Waking up you didn't expect to have Patrick's arm around you, less likely as tightly as it was.
Not sure what to do if you should wake him up or not you laid there staring at the high ceiling until he finally stirred awake.
"Shit my bad." He said as he quickly removed his arm from around your waist and blushed, you missing his warmth as soon as he did so.
"Well why are you avoiding eye contact." Ciara said as both of you walked out of the room and walked separate ways.
Bringing you back to the present where everyone was eating breakfast getting ready to head out to the lake.
"Y/N hurry up cause Casey is still asleep."
You quickly heading to change as Ciara basically pushed the cereal down your throat for you to hurry up.
You looking through all of your bags, the car, the living room, and lastly the bathroom and not finding your bathing suit.
"Oh no. Oh no this can't be happening." You said as you thought about if you packed it or not.
"What's up?" Moyni questioned as he saw your distressed look.
"My bathing suit. I think I forgot it at home."
"Well why don't you ask Ciara. She always brings like five because according to her they all look different on her depending on the weather." Pat said as you shouted thank you and ran out of the bedroom. But not before taking in his figure as he sat on the edge of the bed with his swim trunks and sandals.
'Hey Ciara, I forgot my swimsuit. Can i borrow one please?" You said as she soon laid out all of the options out and you picked out the one that would make you feel less insecure.
"Isn't it a bit small." You said as you walked out and covered your chest.
"I think it's cute. And someone else seems to think so also." She said as Pat was already looking at you when you stepped out into the living room.
"Pat close your mouth, you'll catch flies." Ciara whispered to her brother.
Everyone out on the lake that day having fun until they were physically exhausted. Both you and Moyni every so often looking at each other and averting eye contact whenever Ciara or anyone else would look at you guys.
"You know the sexual tension earlier was just wow." Ciara told you as everyone headed to their rooms for bed.
"Oh shut up."
"You know it's the truth."
~~~
As time to head home neared both of you pretended to be asleep and cuddled into eachothers arms more often.
The last morning at the cabin both of you woke up as you curled into Patrick's chest. "You know i can get used to this." He said.
"Well maybe we should do it more often." You said as you smiled at him. Maybe it was a good thing that Ciara had been planning this all along, since after that trip both of you finally actually did something about the mutual feelings.
#hockey boys#hockey#patrick moynihan x reader#patrick moynihan#providence hockey#hockey blurbs#hockey fics#hockey blurb#hockey fic#hockey imagines#hockey imagine#ari writes#not my fav so i might do this trope again#and no i wasnt gonna erase 1k words ro start over#at least it gets 10 notes ahaha
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Enough.
So a while ago I made a headcannon post about Ty's sexuality and the autistic exploration of sex and sexual desire. I have now written a fic about it. This ones for Alex @bedspells my very own Alyssa. Also side note I want to make it clear that yes, I still ship kitty 100%. But I've seen plenty of people write fics and headcannons about Kit exploring things with other people. There's no reason why Ty can't do the same.
Edit: Ok a long time ago this fic actually got a hate comment on Ao3 saying that I was erasing Ty's sexuality by having him hook up with a girl because he was cannonly gay due to a tweet CC made in 2013. Now I don't even have twitter and I wasn't a part of the fandom back then. Despite all of that I actually don't really consider that to be the basis of canon? And in the books he doesn't really express interest in anyone except for Kit. So as far as I'm concerned this was fair game. Not to mention gay people sometimes experiment before they realize they're gay. Especially autistic people!! And that was actually kind of the point of this fic. So maybe just keep that in mind going forward. Thanks!
Tw for mentions and discussions of sex.
Ty could count the instances he hadn't been bothered by another person's touch on one hand. This was certainly one of them. It was so late into the night it could certainly be considered the next morning. Anush, Ty and Alyssa had been doing research on Livvy and the effect she seemed to be having on a serge of demonic activity in the area.
Ty was fairly stressed about the possibility to say the least. It felt like everything was spilling away from him. Livvy, his family, his career.
Kit.
He really didn't want to think about Kit but it was difficult. It was like trying to ignore a bleeding wound that everyone kept referring to as a paper cut.
The shining lights in all of this were Anush and Alyssa. Befriending both of them had been the best part of coming to the scholomance.
Especially Alyssa.
Meeting someone who shared some of his thoughts, feelings and experiences was more then refreshing. It was liberating. Talking, laughing and crying with Alyssa about the things that no one else would understand was like a balm for Ty's soul.
At a certain point Anush had announced that he was retiring to bed and they should both probably do the same. Livvy was still floating around the room observing their work. But as time went on Ty had stopped paying as much attention to her. Now he was resting against Alyssa with his head in her lap. She was sitting on the couch in the library, carefully running her fingers through his hair and rambling on about something, Ty wasn't exactly sure what.
Ty reached up to wrap a lock of her long dark hair around his finger, then watched it spring back into place again. Alyssa's hair was wavy but not curly like- like some peoples. So it didn't spring and bounce very well. That was the interesting thing about Ali in general. So many parts of her dress and appearance were so neat and polished and well put together that Ty almost wondered what it would be like to see her more disheveled. What would it be like to grab and twist and pull until she was left with something that wasn't glossy perfect waves.
Ty panicked a little at that thought. Where exactly had that come from? He was now more then ever painfully aware of the fact that he was lying in an attractive person's lap. And his sister was still in the same room.
Ty looked up to search for Livvy but realized that she was gone. Guiltily he realized she could have been gone for awhile now. But he hadn't noticed. Lately he had been feeling further and further away from his twin and he hated it.
"Do you think stars have feelings?" Alyssa asked wistfully. Ty laughed joyfully, feeling so light and and so far away from every bad thing that had happened three years ago.
"Because I was just thinking," she continued. "Like, what if they're lonley you know?" Ty had to smile at the Alyssa charm of it all. Also the autistic perspective might have had something to do with it.
"I don't know," Ty said, sitting up. "Maybe they're like us. Maybe they like being alone." Alyssa pondered this for awhile.
"Well no one can be alone forever," she pointed out, then laughed, rolling her eyes. "God how did we get here? Remember when we were supposed to be doing actual work Ty?"
"Well we were stupid to think that would last," Ty announced matter of factly. Alyssa shrugged and leaned back against the sofa.
"Probably. Once the neurotypical left it was all downhill from there."
"I disagree, Ty said softly, meeting her gaze. "I enjoy spending time with you." Alyssa instantly smiled, the kind of beautiful, honest, heartfelt smile that allistic people wrote poetry about.
Instantly Ty was reminded of someone else, another brilliant smile.
He shook it off.
"Me too," Alyssa finally answered. Then she shook her head. "Ugh feelings. Gross."
Ty rolled his eyes at her and laughed.
Then Alyssa sat up again as she seemed to remember something. "Oh yeah I meant to ask you about Anush. Do you like him?"
Ty shrugged. "Yeah he's really nice. He's become a good friend."
Alyssa shook her head. "No, no Ty, I mean-" She paused. "I mean do you like him like you wanna date him? Or do you have romantic feelings for him?" She asked.
Ty paused. He honestly wasn't sure. He had been trying to avoid thoughts of those types of feelings for a very specific reason. A Herondale reason. But the truth was he did like really like Anush. He enjoyed being around him. Ty just wasn't sure what that meant.
"I'm not sure," he answered honestly. "Maybe." Alyssa fiddled with her hair, rubbing it between her fingers.
"Hmm. Well do you even like boys?" She asked. "I just realised I've known you for five months now and I dont really know what your deal is," she said contemplating. "Like sexual orientation wise. I mean not that it matters, it totally doesn't," she stammered.
Ty shrugged. "It was never really relevant before. But I'm not really sure. I guess I'm fine with whatever." Alyssa beamed.
"So I guess that means you're kinda like me huh? She said happily. "I'm pansexual. Women are so beautiful and angelic and soft and squishy and awesome, but men can be good too," she mused. "I mean men are......men, but some of them aren't so bad. I mean look at you!" Alyssa tossed her hair back over her shoulder.
"Thanks," Ty responded dryly.
"Anyways you know what I mean," Alyssa waved her hand. "So are you attracted to him at least?" Ty sighed.
"Yeah I am," he admitted. "But I don't- I don't want a relationship Ali. I just can't."
Alyssa studied him for a moment. "Does this have anything to do with the Herondale pendent you wear that you always tell me never to ask questions about?"
Ty scowled. "Yes, but I don't want to talk about it." Alyssa rolled her eyes and put her hands up in surrender.
"Fucking shit fuck! Fine!" She complained. "Anyways, my point is you dont need to date him neccesarily. Just have sex with him and see how you feel?"
Ty sat up and faced her. "What?"
Alyssa laughed. "You heard me. There's nothing wrong with causal sex between consenting adults. I mean, if you want to."
Ty felt the urge to stand up to try and aliviate some of the anxiety he was feeling, but he stayed sitting.
"I've never done it before," he admitted. Ty was 19, he knew most of the people his age had already had some sort of sexual experience. But he had always been too afraid. Too afraid of people touching him and demanding things from him with harsh vague bullshit. In Ty's mind it was just another social interaction that he could screw up and then pay the price for it.
Alyssa shrugged. "It's no big deal. Virginity is just a social construct anyways." Alyssa was playing with her hair casually and biting her lip slightly, to indicate that she was mulling something over.
Ty shook his head trying to explain it. "No, it's- I mean see, you say that, but, one of the things I've learned about this world is that social constructs kind of matter to a lot of people." Ty was taping his fingers against his leg and trying to stop himself from shaking. Alyssa noticed this.
"Because people tell you that's it's no big deal and not to worry, and then other people make it into a big deal like it means something, and then everyone's telling you to do something different," Ty explained with a panicked, rushed voice. "I don't know who you listen to, or what to do!" He was moving his hands frantically while he spoke to emphasize his points.
"Hey it's ok," she cooed, inching towards him. "Trust yourself. Or if you feel like you can't, then trust me." Ty felt a pang in his chest. A cacophony of conflicting emotions erupted within him. But mostly he found that despite his better judgement he actually believed her.
They had created something different between the two of them. Something that almost transcended labels or rules or traditional allistic boundaries. Alyssa was like the armor he put on every morning, with the strength and confidence that he wasn't alone in this world. In the midst of all of their jokes and late night heartbreaking conversations. In the midst of this fragile peace they had created, there was something there. Something indescribable.
Something like the sound of the page being turned in one of his Sherlock novels, or the sound of their favourite songs. A connection. A lifeline.
Ty looked over at Alyssa's concerned face and smiled softly. "I trust you," he promised. "I don't really trust many people, but I've always trusted you," he admitted. Alyssa inhaled sharply. She made an interesting facial expression that might have been a facial stim and then gaped for awhile before finally closing her mouth and avoiding Ty's gaze.
"Yeah that's cool. I trust you too," she said casually. She had gone back to pulling at her poor hair which was shedding everywhere. Anush always joked that he could always tell where Alyssa was by following the trail of hair.
"So, about the whole sex thing," she continued rather unceremoniously. Ty had to laugh a little. "Do you think it's something you're actually interested in? Or do you just feel like you have to?" She asked.
Ty pondered this for a moment. "I think I might want to. I just want to be with someone that I trust. Someone who will be considerate of my boundries, you know?" Ty did a quick glance around the room to make sure Livvy was still gone.
"Wait she's not here right?" Alyssa asked anxiously, catching on. Ty shook his head.
Alyssa paused for a moment, looking lost in thought. She was flicking her fingernails against each other and continuing to murder her bottom lip by chewing on it. Finally she looked up at him, looking rather amused.
"Ok. This might just be the exhaustion talking, or the autism, or a combination of both. So if you feel uncomfortable with what I'm about to say, then afterwards we can just forget it ok?" Alyssa sounded serious. Ty just nodded, trying not to be concerned.
Alyssa gave him an interesting look, one that he was pretty sure he had never recieved before. Her eyes scanned him up and down, then she smirked.
"I could potentially offer my services," she said innocently. Ty blinked a few times, then continued to stare at her. She stared back unflinching.
Wait. What?
Ty shook his head in confusion. "Hold on. Wait. You mean-?" He cut himself off. Alyssa nodded with that same smirk. "Yeah I mean why not right?" She shrugged, relaxing back against the sofa. "But if you dont want to then that's totally fine."
"Wait." Ty attempted to clear his head and stay focused. He stayed frozen for awhile, thinking. Then he folded his arms around himself, applying pressure. "Why exactly?"
Alyssa shrugged again. "Well why not? You're hot. I'm hot, and besides you know me," she pointed out. She paused, and then giggled.
"Four hours into investigating the paranormal phenomenon of his dead twin sister and chill, then she offers to take his virginity," she cackled. "I so enjoy our quality time together."
"The way your mind works really concerns me sometimes, you know that?" He asked playfully. Alyssa rolled her eyes at him and shoved him gently.
"Hey you don't have to, it was just an idea," she said, raising her hands in defense. Ty was silent. He was still thinking about it.
"Most people don't really do stuff like this right?" He asked warily. "Like most friends don't just randomly hook up and then laugh it off later."
Alyssa shook her head slowly. "Honey do you see me laughing?"
Ty was conflicted. There was something in him, a new, complicated feeling. A burning desire that nagged at the back of his mind everytime Alyssa bit her lip or pouted.
If he was really honest with himself. Ty could remember another time when he felt this way. But that was different, that was-.
He shook his head. No. Ty wasn't thinking about that anymore. He needed a distraction.
"God I can practically hear you thinking over here Ty," Alyssa teased. "Listen. If it freaks you out to much then we can forget about it. But-." She paused and reached towards him. Their fingertips met and she slowly dragged her fingertips down the top of Ty's hand.
"I want to do this for you because I care about you," she said solemnly. "I want make you feel good. Because you're special, and I dont mean that in the bullshit ableist way. I mean I think that you're special because you have such a big heart and you care so much," she said with a laugh.
Ty felt like he was about to cry. He was taking in long deep breaths trying not to get overwhelmed. He didnt know how to respond to this, this kind of attention and praise. His heart felt warm and tight absorbed in so much fondness and melancholy and regret all at once.
He knew this wasn't anything like what had happened that day on the beach. This wasn't that kind of love that he was feeling for Alyssa and that was a good thing. Romantic love, he decided, was too complicated.
"You deserve good things and good experiences. You deserve to have your first time be somewhere familiar. Somewhere you feel safe, and with someone who loves you." Alyssa wiped her eyes on the back of her hand.
"God sorry for getting all emotional like that," she joked.
Ty couldn't speak, so he just squeezed her hand. He hoped she would understand.
I love you too.
Ty took a breath, then nodded. "Yeah," he admitted. "Yeah I want that. I want you."
Alyssa exhaled, then grinned. "Ok then. Great. I'll see if I can pencil you in sometime this week," she joked. Ty cocked his head to the side in confusion.
"Oh," he murmered, suprised with how disappointed he felt. "You mean later?" Alyssa laughed.
"Well yeah, I mean aren't you tired?"
"Are you?" Ty countered.
Alyssa shrugged. "Hey you know how it is, autistic sleep cycle. I'm gonna be up for awhile. I just figured you might want some time to think."
Ty shook his head. "No I don't want to think anymore. I'm tired of thinking Ali. I'm tired of worrying and overanalyzing everything." His eyes met hers, she seemed a little worried.
She moved closer to him so that she was practically in his lap. "You need a distraction," she said matter of factly. "It's ok." She moved her hands from his arms to grasp his waist.
"Is this good?"
Ty flinched. "More pressure," he replied in a tone that was hopefully not too demanding. Alyssa pressed her fingertips down harder into his skin. A soothing feeling washed over him.
"Good?" She asked, scratching his skin with her fingernails. Ty just nodded, feeling slightly dazed.
Alyssa smiled, lowering herself gracefully into his lap. Everything she did was with precision and grace. Alyssa was a dancer. It was one of her special interests. She had stopped taking lessons a long time ago though because she found it challenging to dance in a group.
She could never copy what everyone else was doing exactly on count when she was supposed to. She was always going off and improvising on her own. There was probably a metaphor in there somewhere.
Alyssa's weight against him was comforting. She was moving her hands up and down his back underneath his shirt while still applying pressure. Ty felt heat beginning to pool in the base of his stomach. He stared at her curiously, taking in her soft curves and her smooth golden skin.
"Can I touch you?" Ty asked, feeling his fingers twitch.
Alyssa moved her hands to his chest. "Sure." She said softly. "Just be careful. Remember pressure and all of that, and try to avoid my stomach area. For some reason it's really sensitive." Ty nodded, instantly reaching for her long wavy dark hair and twisting his fingers around it, pulling slightly. She laughed.
This drew Ty's attention to her mouth. Her lips were cracked and rough looking from Alyssa constantly biting them, but Ty still wanted to kiss her. He had never kissed anyone before. He needed to know what it felt like.
He moved his hands to her shoulders and then to her sides, pulling Alyssa even closer. "Can you teach me how to kiss?" He asked looking her in the eye briefly. She snorted.
"I don't think you'll like it very much," she murmered. "It's not really a good sensory experience. At least not for me. Allistic people seem to like it though."
Ty nodded. "Exactly that's my point," he said, using one hand to cradle the side of her neck. "I need to learn for other people later on." He absentmindedly pressed his thumb into one of the divots in her neck, just to fill the space. Alyssa sighed and dug her fingernails into his chest.
"Ok fine but you're gonna hate the tounge thing," she breathed. She leaned down very slowly and then carefully pressed her lips to Ty's, kissing him softly.
It was a weird sensation but not entirely unpleasant. Ty happily slid his hands back into her hair and began to fiddle with a few thick pieces. Alyssa moved her own hands up his chest to cradle her face, applying pressure with thumbs against his cheekbones.
Alyssa deepened the kiss and slid her tounge into his mouth. Instantly Ty winced and felt every cell in his body seize up. But he didn't stop. He was determined to figure this out. If he wanted to kiss someone who wasn't autistic in the future then he would need to. Ty relaxed his body and kissed her back forcefully, making out with Alyssa until the uncomfortable noise in his head was too much and he broke the kiss.
Ty shook his head and Ali laughed, stroking his hair. "I fucking told you so," she exclaimed. Ty shut his eyes and allowed his breathing to return to normal.
"Ok so that's something we can forget about for now, thank god. The beauty of this whole situation is that we dont have to follow any allistic script for this sort of thing." Ty opened his eyes. Alyssa was watching him carefully, still only centimeters away from his face.
"So is there anything you want to do?" She asked him. "Just tell me and I'll see if we can make it happen."
Ty saw no need to maintain any sort of filter. "Well there are a lot of things actually, but for some reason I really want to bite you," he said pointedly, glancing down at her neck. Alyssa burst out laughing, nearly falling over.
Ty glared at her. "I'm sorry," she gasped breathlessly. "I'm sorry it's just,-," she regained her composure, shaking her head. "I just love how we all used to be the weird kids who growled and hissed at people on the playground if they bothered us and now as adults we're just super kinky. Like it's kind of poetic in a way," she laughed.
Ty rolled his eyes. There was no need to ask what she meant by we. When Alyssa said we, it only referred to one thing.
"I'm sure it's not absolutely every autistic person," he protested. "Also we should move, on account of the fact that this is still a public setting." Alysza's eyes widened as if she had just remembered that.
"Oh right. Shit, as if these people needed any more reasons to hate me. Let's go!" She rolled off of Ty and stood in front if him, holding out her hand. "We can use my room." Ty stayed sitting, taking a moment to fully absorb it all.
He couldn't help but feel the weight of the Herondale pendent against his chest as a heavy reminder. He willed himself not to get distracted. Alyssa smiled at him slightly, almost as if she knew.
"Enough," she said softly.
Ty didn't know what to say to that. He wasn't even sure if their was anything he wanted say. Then finally he understood.
"Enough," he echoed back.
He took her outstretched hand and let her take him away.
@ti-bae-rius @eutony-in-whisper @dianasarrow @dianasarrow @stxr-thxif @talia-lightwood @doitforthecarstairs @thelandunderthehilll @zfoxdraws @waterlillies
#tda#the dark artifices#tsc#twp#the wicked powers#ty blackthorn#Alyssa Reyes#autistic representation#Fae's oc
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Dissatisfied One shot +14 (Part 1)
Warning
This story contains sexual themes, Domestic abuse themes, Toxic relationships, Suicide, cigarettes use, bad words and prostitution references. If you are sensitive or underage please don't read this story.
Dissatisfied.... i don't think it's difficult to found out why do i feel like that..
I wasn't always being the inappropriate whore my grandmother or even my uncle used to call me.. I was supposed to be a innocent child.. tsk yeah.. an innocent child with the shitty luck of having such a shattered family and a stupid child with the shitty luck of having a pedophile as teacher who tried to rape him when the bastard child was just 10.
It's alright.. I guess.. I just woke up in the bed from one of my classmates, let's say he wanted a fun night so I accepted to gave him pleasure.. at least he paid me money so I can leave this room, .. but that didn't satisfied me.. nor even filled me.
I taked my stuff making sure he didn't woke up too but he still..
Rocky: Hey Bunny~, are you leaving to soon?~.
Bradley: Are you Horny again? we did it for almost 2 hours the last night, if you want to continue you most pay again.
Rocky: I have not enough money
Bradley: *change on his clothes* Then I have nothing to do here
Rocky: Tsk, you lost...
Bradley: Lost what? *Sarcastic Chuckle* Your "Buddy" is just bigger than mine, is not the big thing..
Rocky: *chuckles* As if you were that hot~.
Bradley: *takes his backpack* You didn't said that that night.
I left that room, that guy seemed mad by my comment, I can't help it, they still see me as the bastard son of the fire ghost which mess with their city but they actually desires me to gives them the pleasure that a girl or anyone else can't gave them..
I was walking through the hallways, then suddenly someone touched my hand to catch my attention, it was that big blue guy who uses to play American football, another client more.
Bradley: Unwin? Are you sure about this? You didn't had a girlfriend?
Unwin: Well yes.. i have a girlfriend, she asked me to do it one day but I'm not ready to do it nor even i have no idea about how to do it.
Bradley: so.. your first Time?
Unwin: Yep..
Bradley: alright.. we will do it this night, don't forget you have to pay for the fun night, i will teach you how to do it.
Unwin: Ok.. thanks man, Heheh now I see why people calls you Bunny, and not just for being little~ *leaves quickly while he was laughing at Bradley* Slut~.
Bradley: But Rabbits are cute...
After that I went to the school restrooms to take a quick bath to at least go to classes without any boy smell.
Since when i thought that this shit was a good idea?.. why did i thought that this would make me feel complete or even satisfied? I questioned myself while the shower drops were falling on my face.
I have a lot of missed calls from my uncle who is surely mad instead of worried by not arriving at the round house.
I dried myself quickly to then change my clothing and go to classes in time, at my seat I saw him.. Skeebo, after that day it's not the same being next to him. He used to bully me by the same old shit as the others but he stopped since that day I saved his life and i snapped to that lemon head which calls himself hero for a nonsense reason.
If you are asking why the heck I was selling my body like this if I have a traumatic event related with this?
I will answer your question, hate me or not depends of you, I will explain.
First my uncle is a hypocritical stingy, he will not give me any fucking money not even for a candy, he just gives money to my cousin, understandable, and the stupid lemon for his mediocre work.
The second reason... Everything happened in a normal school day (yes, after I got Skeebo's respect), also a normal day of ghost attack, there was a new ghost around the netherworld, this one has a weird power which makes everyone Who touches him or is slimed by him, that person ends into a lust state, it was easy to recognize when he attacked someone...at least for me, he has peculiar smell to Cherries, Strawberries and... saliva.
I didn't had to hide, the ghosts didn't attacked me as always, that lemon ball was around eating them and burping their eyes. That clumsy Pac crashed against me and suddenly Skeebo which was running away locking us in a locker by accident.
Bradley: shit...
Skeebo: Arghh!.. that lemon head!!...
Bradley: *sighs*....
Skeebo: are we in a girl's locker?.. this place smells good~
Bradley:*sniffs*... Oh.. shit.. we are not in a girl's locker...It's my locker....
Skeebo:*sniffs on Bradley's hair* is it you? You smell so good~
Bradley: Well my perfume used to be from my older sister, and i use Pactene Shampoo because my uncle has lots of them for my cousin and me, so it has sense.
Skeebo: It's still so good~
Bradley: fuck fuck fuck fuck... Skeebo.. you were infected by a lust ghost.. and you will not snap from that state until you....
Skeebo: me what?~
Bradley:... *Sighs* i-i.. I'm still scared for t-this... But.. just do it with me... D-d-dont worry.. you will not remember any of this moments...
Skeebo: you're so cute~ you're so sweet~..
Bradley: Ok i think he lost the control short time ago..damn it..
Then Skeebo slowly was ripping off my virginity.. I thought it would hurt as when that awful man tried to do to me.. but... This time.. I felt different.. I felt.. strange... i was embarrassed.. it hurted but I liked it..I don't know how nor why...He where keep going for 1 hour until he ended inside me.. for me it was difficult to still up but that feeling was too difficult to describe... Did I feel satisfaction?.. is this what am I looking for to feel full, did I feel good for at least one time of my life, he finally snapped out that state he didn't understand what happened and suddenly the locker door opened, I was a little naked so I acted quickly and transformed myself into a rabbit to escape from a already embarrassing moment leaving him with the shame. Because of me everyone saw Skeebo half-naked and stained in with his own fluids.
Ms Globular: Mr Spheros.. Mr Skeebo! Wake up!
Bradley: Huh!?...
Skeebo: What!?
Almost Everyone laugh about that.. specially to Skeebo
Ms Globular: Please focus yourself in the exam.
Bradley:..*sighs* yes Ms Globular..
Rocky: what's wrong Skeebo aren't you playing with your "buddy" again?
Izod: Yeah, please don't splash us~
Skeebo: *blushed and mad* you 2 shut up!
Yep... also that day was even worst for Skeebo than the day became into Heebo-Skeebo, he was even a bigger mock for almost all the students, it was my fault by running away as a coward..
Izod: Or what?
Bradley: Do you have any idea about how pathetic you look making fun with a guy because of an embarrassing moment he clearly wants to forget?
Rocky: You have no rights to speak slut!
Skeebo: Don't call him slut!
Izod: Aww the Sper-Man is defending the Play-Bun?.
Bradley: So sad that the sizes of your "Buddies" are not that good enough to compensate your lack of brain..
Ms Globular: That's enough you 4!! If you don't quit speaking that dirty stuff in the class i will send you to detention!
Izod/Rocky: Fine Ms Globular..
Bradley: Alright Ms...
Skeebo: *sighs*
The School Bell rings
It was now lunch time, i wasn't hungry so i left to the school yard to smoke a cigarette, a cherry one, I'm allergic to the normals.
Bradley: *sighs*
"Can i sit with you?" - a voice sounded..
It was Lexy Soto, one of my classmates and the most popular in the school for being so kind with all and bringing desserts from his Dad's restaurant also one of the most famous restaurants in Pacopolis), for it Lexy is really respected and beloved here, especially for that Lemon Ball.
Lexy always left a single meal for me and comes to me to give me company, it's still incredible that he is my friend without caring about my Dad's actions, did Latins are like this?
Bradley: Sure Lexy.
Lexy: Good, *sits to him* i noticed that you weren't in the Cafeteria so i left this cupcake for you.
Bradley: Thanks Lexy, you don't had to do it.
Lexy: I have to, Weon
Bradley:*smiles a little and takes the cupcake* Thanks Lexy, *bites it* Hmm~ is so sweet and soft.
Lexy: Chocolate with raspberry cream.
Bradley: Also.. let me guess, did you put ice cream for the cream?
Lexy: You got me.
Bradley: I knew it!
Lexy: *giggles*... *Starts sniffing Bradley* where selling your body again!?.
Bradley: Oh shit.. you got me
Lexy: Bradley, please you don't have to do it..
Bradley: Lexy, i don't have money to buy any stuff i need, and my uncle doesn't give me a shit.
Lexy: And i thought that presidents in Latin America are awful.. but please... You don't have to do it if you don't like it..
Bradley: That's the problem Lexy.. I think like it..but I hate to do it with that bastards.
Lexy: How you can like that awfull thing?...
Bradley: Because I'm sick Lexy..I know i am sick...but i can't cry for help.. because my uncle will not understand..
Lexy: I could ask my Dad to help you but.. i don't want to bother him...
Bradley: *pets him*... Lexy.. you don't have to do it... Maybe i could be sick.. but i will be okay.
Lexy: *starts sobbing* You're lying!... You are not okay! You said that you would be okay but that's not true.. i know you are suffering.. and it... It worries me a lot!! *Cries*
Bradley:...it's because that awful neighbor did to you, right?
Lexy: !!..
Bradley:*hugs Lexy* I'm sorry... I didn't mean to worry you like this.. maybe it would hurt but.. If something happens to me.. i already have a place in the netherworld with my Dad..
Lexy: If Pacopolis were your home too...
Bradley: Even if i live in netherworld, we would still be friends.
Lexy: At least.. please found a solution...
Bradley: I promise I will try.. *dries Lexy's tears* cheer up BerryPie.
Lexy: you most be the one who most smile first Cabro Culiao!..
Bradley: Heh..*smiles* sorry, like this?
Lexy: *cheers* much better~
6:00 pm
The school And clubs activities ended, Lexy have left to his home early to help out his father with his job as always, it was getting late and time to start my job with that moron, so i left the reading club (Club Wich has a single one member, me) to meet up with that guy i just forgot his name and i don't give a care in remember it.
Unwin: Finally..
Bradley: we will do this quickly, i have to go back to the round house.. i have piano practice at 8:00 pm.
Unwin: All you have to do is please me..
Bradley: just if you pay the price, if you don't i will make sure one of my boys to torment you, got it?
Unwin:*sighs* fine!..*pays him 10 Pac Dollars*
Bradley: Good Boy~.
And well i did it with him as i did with the rest of the boys from Maze High (Except by Pac and Spiral, dude i have my limits, i can't leave that stinky lemon to touch me, and Spiral, i know he likes Pacster since long, it's kinda obvious and i prefer them to have that experience by theirselfs) but ..i didn't felt nothing similar to that curious feeling i felt with him.. it wasn't the same.. but it wasn't possible.. even after he ended as a mock because of me.. i would not be able to stand the guilt...
7:00 pm
By finishing, i just put in my clothing to take my stuff and left the dorms, it was almond late for my classes and even worst i was having a lot of walking problems, fortunately or well.. unfortunately my uncle's limousine arrived next to me And taked me to the round house, the bodyguards didn't looked at me in any moment.. it was uncomfortable.. when we arrived to the round house, there was my uncle waiting for me, he seemed completely mad.
Bradley: *sighs*..
Stratos: Bradley..Where the heck you have been!? Why you didn't come back to home yesterday!? Or not even answered my calls!!??... And ugh!.. what's that awful smell!!??
Bradley: Do you care?.
Stratos: wait.. don't tell me you where sleeping with a guy!!?
Bradley: So what!?, If i was sleeping with someone or i was making out with someone, that's not of your business!!
Stratos: of course it's my business to take care of you!
Bradley: As it was your business to take care of my dad when he needed you more than anything... You cared so much of me that you left me with grandmother!
Stratos: It wasn't that bad!
Bradley: That Bad...It wasn't..That Bad!? I was her fucking Boxing bag and used me to turn off her cigarettes
Stratos: You are exaggerating, she was educating you to be a disciplined and decent man!.
Bradley: So sad, it didn't work..
Stratos: It was for you could not end like your father.
Bradley: Should I'll remember you the boiling water cup she threw me in that Barbecue in the round house by "Accident?
Stratos: Agh just go inside and take a bath right now!.. don't let Cedrick see you!.
Bradley: Whatever...
Yep the same old shit of always... I taked another bath and went to my room, i was so tired, Quartzy was sleeping on my lap to comfort me.. but i still had to play that piano.. so i get up to go to the piano room.. my Uncle wasn't there... that was a good thing, that means he would not bother me.
So i sat in that sit and taked a cherry cigarette from a box i use to hide from my uncle and cousin.
I smoke one of them while I was playing a soft melody in the piano..I was losing myself in my thoughts and the music.. then suddenly someone entered in.
Cedrick: Hey Brad!
Bradley:*throws the cigarette through the window* Oh, hi Cedrick
Cedrick: what where you eating?...
Bradley: oh, it was nothing.
Cedrick: Oke, can I stay with you? I love how you play the piano :D.
Bradley: Alright little bud.
So I played a melodies for my little cousin, I didn't wanted him to see me like this..
I'm at least a little alright if my cousins, my people, my sister, Buttler and my Dad are alright too.. maybe.
Lately when I was close to Skeebo I was feeling something unusual.. like a hungry.. hungry for his virility, hungry for his touch.. I sounded like a monster... I'm sorry..
Suddenly i felt that someone was calling me.
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With the grammy bomb im more than certain that there is a strain between jikook. They do interact but in a way that is so aloof. Their habitual gravitating towards one another doesnt happen anymore. And im talking about all the recent stuff from october onwards. Jk purposefully rear towards other members and i find jimin to be only open towards namjoon. All of his other interactions on cam are to make sure that everything is fine between him and others. And jk purposefully ignores or avoids jimin and doesnt have that unrestrainable affection towards him anymore. I say all this as a longtime jikook supporter. Honestly even if they had their 'fighting' periods i have never seen jk this dismissive. At least jimin isnt as affected as before. I dont understand how no supporter is admitting the obvious distance of jk.
Why are you being mean to me though😭
Please read my blogs. I think I have talked about this topic several times now.
May be I spoke 'too soon' before the loud moments that make these things obvious to most but still, I've addressed it nonetheless.
I feel if I respond to this, I'd just be repeating myself over and over at this point and frankly it gets boring for the people that read me- I think. Lol. I mean, once I start I never shut up. Lmho. So sorry in advance.
I agree with everything you've said, as well as all the observations you've made. I'm with you on it. Except, you made no definitive conclusions I could agree on, rebut, or share an opinion on. There is a strain on their relationship..... therefore? Lol.
I don't mean this in a rude way. I just don't think it's enough to point that out without drawing conclusions- unless you are simply taking notes of those moments? Or are you concluding that the strain is a sign Jikook are fighting, having problems or that they have broken up?
Not every tension between Jikook is a bad thing if you ask me or even as a result of them having issues in their relationship. This is something I keep regurgitating in my blogs. Not to say they don't have issues, they do. Hell, I get dragged by my roots on these streets for saying they fight, or even break up sometimes like any real couple would. They are real and they have real couple's problems sometimes too like any regular joe.
I'm glad you pointed out though, that Jimin doesn't seem as affected by JK's 'dismissive' attitude as before. Shouldn't that tell you that is a sign there is nothing wrong with their relationship this time around? Jikook is not one sided. JK isn't the only party to their relationship, neither is Jimin. They have an equal and sometimes opposite reaction to each other. One person's attitude or change in attitude tends to produce a ripple effect on the other. In my opinion.
If JK were to be 'dismissive' at all, it would emotionally and physically impact Jimin and he would have a reaction to it like he did in run 106. Compared to this, he didn't seem at all affected by JK's 'attitude' just as you've pointed out.
As I said a while ago, I honestly don't think or believe they are fighting or that they are broken up either- not to me anyway. Lol. I mean you could still pretty much see the intimacy between them in that footage. Jikook don't need to engage in skinship or overt and loud interactions to show they are intimate. And most times their overt and loud skinship and interactions are devoid of intimacy. That's the thing about intimacy, you can't fake it or hide it.
Jimin turning towards JK in his fit of excitement is a sign of intimacy between them regardless of whether he actually hugged JK or not. Then later on the couch, you could see him yearning for JK.
There were three people in that room- may be more if you count staff and yet JK was the only one Jimin seemed to want an answer from.
He was the one Jimin was emotionally inclined towards. The one who's comfort and affection he sought after- bless his heart, he hit his head on some solid rock knees and everything trying to pursue his need for physical closeness and affection from JK. If they were broken up or fighting, he wouldn't go to JK for his emotional needs.
He could try and 'interact' with JK, do the fanservice bit with him but he wouldn't go to him with his emotional needs- that would be inappropriate and unfair to JK. Jimin is an emotionally intelligent guy and he has a lot of thoughts and consideration for people's feelings and he is well aware of his limits and just how much he can push or get away with.
And I cite his Log with JK, where he announced he had started developing feelings for JK and then turned to JK to ask if he was ok with him saying that much on camera.
Thus, if he is emotionally 'gravitating' towards JK then it's indication there is a level of intimacy and a mutual understanding between them that JK fulfills an emotional need and ought to fulfill that emotional need for him.
And yes, I agree. Him hesitating when he wanted to hug JK is a sign there is something stressing their dynamics which is something I pointed out when that Grammy reaction video first came out. I knew something was stressing their dynamic but I couldn't figure out what because it was a very short video with not much going on in there.
The behind the scenes however, chilee. Lol.
I mean if you consider the fact JK went from moving a distance to console Jimin when he was crying on stage during the October ON:E concert, and you look at all the moments we've had from their overt flirting in 2021 season's greetings, the sexual innuendos in the BE behind scenes video, JK sniffing Jimin's hair in the Be unboxing video to that moment on the couch when Jimin hit his head on JK's knees- that shit look like it hurt. Damn. JK what is your knees made of! Lmho.
I am uncomfortable discussing a Jikook era or phase when it's on going on. I like to simply take note of certain moments and discuss them in post by reconstructing the timeline to place content in its rightful timeframe.
I can only share with you my working theory on such moments and for the most part, like I said previously I feel Jikook- especially JK is having issues with the company. Perhaps because the company stumbled on something they weren't supposed to see.
As for Jikook's personal development, I think we all saw this development coming, didn't we? After JM's birthday fiasco? I think I hypothesized at the time that whoever was in the 'wrong' in that situation would come swinging hard on their Jikook agenda in the aftermath. And with that whole GCF Tokyo reference, signing his name to JK's name at the pop up, the stealing looks at JK during interviews, checking him out left right left, trying to make Jk 'jealous' with RM at the Be press con red carpet, it's not hard to figure out who did what in that birthday situation.
I plan on writing a blog on this very topic, because I've received quite a few Asks about my thoughts on JK outing Jimin, military service and others that I find intriguing and want to discuss but I also want to discuss Vminkook dynamics, Jikook boundaries and I don't know which one to get into first. When I'm torn between options I end up not making a choice at all. Lol.
All I can say in regards to Jikook and their on going 'situation' is that- I love it. Lol. I love their dynamics, I love where they are at in their love journey, I love where they are heading. Jikook is just beautiful in every sense of the word.
I love what JK is doing. I love where he has gotten my bias to- which is confronting himself and figuring out what he wants from their relationship. Because, honestly you can't have your cake and eat it. It just doesn't work that way.
What you are seeing is just JK asserting himself against Jimin I'm afraid. It's the push and pull thingy all over again.
I keep talking about 'the boy in love with Jungkook' being a facade and persona Jimin hides behind to love JK and most people don't understand.
JK's persona is not the boy in love with Jimin. It's the boy cold and shy who rejects Jimin- well at least that was the persona he had in their early dynamics around debut.
He has since shed that persona and the bold, fearless, assertive JK we see on the screens is him choosing to unapologetically express his love and feelings for Jimin. And jimin enjoys that.
But you take a look at Jimin, and you don't see that drastic change in his persona or the way he expresses himself with JK- I mean let's call a spade a spade.
Do I think Jimin loves JK? Absolutely. Do I think he is being authentic in the way that he expresses those feelings to JK on camera? Only to an extent.
It's obvious who Jimin is to JK or even the way he expresses himself and his love for JK is slightly different off camera than the persona we see on our screens. For one, clearly JK is not used to seeing Jimin prioritize others over him or be overly affectionate with others besides him. I mean it's been seven years. Ten, if you count the periods before. You'd think JK would get used to JM doing skinship with others or showing affection for the others especially since they've lived together over half of the time and yet here we are, frying pans away from the apocalypse whenever any member breaths near Jimin. Damn JK. Lmho.
Do I think his persona is slightly exaggerated? Yes. But I also think JM downplays his love for Jk with his 'Mr I'm available' personality, his Kumbaya attitude, and his I'm just a nice guy on the block character, which often leads to people questioning whether or not he treats JK different from the group. Don't get me wrong JK does this too.
Jimin loves JK. But at this point the question is is he expressing that love in the way that meets JK's emotional needs? Is he allowing JK to love him and express the love he feels for him in the way that makes him happy?
I think that's what the birthday fiasco is all about.
If you don't want JK openly showing and expressing his love for you in a way that he wants to and in a way that holds meaning to him and makes him feel fulfilled as well in the relationship then what is the point of him holding on to the glass closet?
Two can play that game. Lol.
It's JK's needs above the groups and I feel he is putting it right up there next to JM's needs because they are both valid.
You should have seen JK's face when Jimin decided tell the truth about his location on September 1st in that BB press interview.
I remember pointing out that when JM started that narration with the first person pronoun he was going for a well curated narrative perhaps one the group had agreed on prior to avoid confirming his location on the JK's birthday like they had tried to do during the VLive but dropped that and went with the honest truth the moment he started talking about being with Jk and using 'we' instead of 'I' in his speech.
I'm glad the interviewer from his Weverse magazine interview confirmed and pointed out this tell or habit of Jimin when he speaks,
"When he’s talking, Jimin often starts his sentence with phrases like, “I just,” “it just,” “they just …” But then he immediately goes on to open up about his feelings, always providing a sincere response."
At least now we know for sure he wasn't lying about his location- for all those who called him a liar.
Anywho, my point is it makes JK happy when Jimin expresses his love and feelings for him. But it also makes him happy when he is able to show the world just how much JM means to him.
He didn't get those tattoos for nothing. He didn't do the GCFs for nothing. He didn't nibble on his ear in front of thousands of people for nothing- had he posted for Jimin on his birthday, given how he hadn't done that for anyone in a year, it wouldn't have been for nothing either. In my opinion.
When I tell y'all Jimin is gonna wake up one day with JK's ring on his finger and he wouldn't know what hit him. Chilee. Lmho.
Listen, JK is in love LOVE with Jimin. It's my opinion and I'm gonna treat it as fact because I believe it- if you disagree keep it to yourself. I don't wanna hear it. Lol.
That boy is in love with my bias. Ain't nobody gonna tell me nothing. Lol.
Seriously though, JK loves Jimin and he loves expressing those feelings for him. He goes overboard sometimes with it to the point it's borderline outing but we don't talk about that. Lol.
He's progressed through out the years from hiding his feelings for Jimin, whispering I love you's to JM when he thinks JM is alseep, slipping matching plasters onto his finger, all the way to Rosebowl.
If you ask me, he wants to be Jimin's equal in every sense of the word and as much as he loves to be at the recieving end of JM's affections, he enjoys being at the giving end.
And if JM has the cover of 'the boy in love with the Maknae' and it works perfectly for him not just as a persona but the perfect excuse for loving Jk then you gotta wonder what cover JK equally has for loving JM the way that he does. He has none. His every move is questioned by members, by staff, by fans- why do you film Jimin so much, why not put Tae in there for clicks, why are you constantly with Jimin and other invasive questions like that.
Jimin gets away with a lot of things than JK because of his personality and his persona. People would question the things JK does most of the time while dismissing the things Jimin does as either fanservice or as flowing from his personality. Whereas JK cannot get away with those same things.
We paint JK as Jeonlous and possessive but we forget most times he acts that way so Jimin doesn't have to. Jimin has said he doesn't share his friends and yet somehow we think he is ok with sharing his boyfriend with 5 other members or those 5 members with his boyfriend- this is code, let it sink in.
There is a lot of boundaries he instills there and it's equally an expression of possessiveness. Yet it's so subtle you might not even notice.
Jk makes Jimin look cool. He takes the fall so Jimin doesn't have to. When JK takes a step back that's when you see how whipped JM is- the neediness, the clinginess- PJMs give me a break. *rolling my eyes. It needs to be said. I love Jimin too but shit, it is what is. Lol.
I think it's gonna take a while for Jk to open back up to Jimin, to get in the space where he feels safe expressing himself with Jimin the way that he was doing before Jimin's birthday.
It doesn't mean he hates Jimin or doesn't love him or doesn't want him or doesn't care. But I think Jimin needs to step up to show he is on the same page as JK because JK is all about reciprocity. He ain't about to do the one sided unrequited nonsense. Lol.
Honestly all this is part of Jikook's dynamics. This not the first time Jk's closed himself off. The last time he did it was because they had gone through a nasty breakup- I said what I said. In my opinion nonetheless. Lol.
In the aftermath of it, he was expressing similar behavior. In Suga's Birthday Vlive this year for example, when Jimin was clinging to him and had his hands on his leg he didn't take the bait either- man was it frustrating to watch. Lol. But you could see JM wanted that physical connection with him. Did you see his smug face when Jimin was all over him?
I think he is just going through a phase where he needs reassurance of Jimin's love. Jimin is a big guy and he knows his man best and I think he knows exactly what he needs to do to get him to come around. Lol.
I mean he flew all the way from Paris to see him on his birthday didn't he?
I think we have to leave them to it. Just observe them. I hate commenting on a phase like this especially when it's on going. I'd rather talk about it after it's ended and a new phase has begun for them.
Part of supporting Jikook is knowing when to give them privacy and room to just unfold their story and be human. They are a living breathing love story after all.
Jk isn't being distant. He is just not interacting with JM the way we are used to seeing him do. But I feel that's part Bighit asking them to cool off and part him just wanting reassurance from Jimin.
At this point, I want to ask why you want people to acknowledge JK is closed off? To what end? I don't think anyone is denying that they are going through this phase- well the Kumbaya tradshippers are but why do you want me to acknowledge this fact? I already pointed out that there is something stressfing their dynamics.
They have their own personal stuff going on but I don't think it's much of an issue and at the same time they seem to be having issues with their company- You have to take all of that into consideration to see how that affects their dynamics as well.
You have to be aware of the timeline too. Because content is not released in chronological order, it may seem like a rollercoaster ride when in actual sense all of this may have happened with a specific time frame.
When it comes to Jikook always assume they are much closer than you think. Jikook is fine, I believe. Just take mental notes of these things for posterity. I wouldn't be worried about them.
As usual, this has been my opinion. Don't take it too seriously. Keep supporting Jikook. Jikook is real.
Signed,
GOLDY
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Son....
I recently started talkin to this girl on tinder. Yes I got a tinder now 😔😔 but anyway ol girl is real cute. Short and thick asf. Face mad pretty. We aint been talkin for that long but she cool as far as I could tell. I'm definitely interested. Especially since I found out she live close asf to me. Like a block away from a nigga. I was hype at first til she told me she live wit her moms. Now don't get me wrong, women around 30 still living with their moms in nyc isn't a rare thing BUT it's definitely a set back. Even with that being said I'm still interested tho.
So we talkin every other night on the phone feelin eachother out. Without question we tryna fuck. Every now and then she'll say some nasty shit and I say some nastier shit. On NYE she hits me up tryna hangout but I'm stuck a work. They had me damn near all night. At that point I'm feelin like damn I missed my chance. She gon hit me up some days later talkin bout "I tried waitin it out but I gotta see you TONIGHT" 😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏 talkin bout she gettin a hotel and everything 😁😁
Maaaaaannnnn when I tell you I was lowkey hype I was actually highkey hype 😭😭😭
I tell her I'm wit it and I'm automatically thinkin bout wtf I'm bout to do to her. I'm thinkin we bout to fuck this hotel room tf up. Sheets missin. Nut on the ceiling. TV broke. Bed moved across the room type shit. I'm thinkin I'm bout to eat MAAAAADDD ASS 😭😭😭😭😭
The time comes and she ends up getting there first. I'm running a lil late but it's cool cuz I'm givin her time to get herself ready for my arrival. I'm not expecting rose pedals and candles but I am expectin some dope shit at least. Idk what type of dope shit but I'm wit it for anything. I finally get there and she open the door in jeans and a sweater. A lil bit of a let down but I'm thinkin oh well we still bout to get it rockin 😭😭😭
She sit on the bed and we start watchin bobs burgers. Now listen I love bobs burgers just as much as the next nigga but after all this anticipation I thought we was gon get it jumping from the door. But it's ok maybe she just wanna take shit slow. That's fine wit me so we start talking for a little bit. Nothin crazy just how was your day and shit like that. To be honest the more we talked the more I realized we had no sexual chemistry in person. After a while I was thinkin maybe we just shouldn't have sex at all tonight. A pure waste of money and time. Even the conversation was trash honestly. She still cool asf but we really ain't have shit to talk about. Sexy asf tho. Ass fat as a mf. I stared at that shit too long and said fuck it I'm going in for a kiss.
What an idiot 😭😭😭 dont get me wrong the kiss was very much welcomed but I should of known better. We had no chemistry talking why would we have chemistry kissing????
Shit was DIIIRRRRTTTT
We simply were just not on the same page. She kissed like a chicken. It was so bad. I was tryna tongue her down and she was tryna peck. Shit was not working at all. I stopped and we agreed it was wack.
We start watchin bobs burgers again in an awkward silence. Maybe 20mins later she starts taking off her clothes and getting under the covers. I said fuck it and take my clothes off too. She moves close to me and wraps her arms around me tryna cuddle. I'm wit it so I put my arms around her too. You could tell we both knew what was happening. Shit was awkward but we both were making an effort to make it work. We put in the time and money so we might as well see it thru.
This mf body was crazy tho. I could say it was the only thing keeping me there and maybe I'd be right. As we laying there she roll over and press her ass against my dick. Disintegrating any awkwardness that was in the air 😭😭😭 at this point it was like we waited this long to fuck so let's just do it. We start kissing on eachother but this time not mouth to mouth. Just all over eachothers bodies. It felt better. Like we were making progress. She moans a little and I like the way it sounds. I'm definitely a foreplay type of nigga so I'm goin in. All on her neck. All on her ass. Hands touching everywhere. At this point im hard asf and I know she could feel it. She stops me and basically says lets get to it. She tryna fuck.
So of course i fuck up the moment 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 like an idiot 😭😭😭😭
I said "important question first"
She's says "what?"
I say "you suck dick??"
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
You could tell she wants to say no but she knows that could fuck shit up so she answers my question with a question.
"The real question is do you eat pus..."
"OF COURSE" I say interrupting TF outta her 😭😭
You could tell she was expecting me to say no and honestly that shit is a huge turn off.
Sex ain't sex without head
Shit dont make no sense without head
I'm a grown ass man. Idk who tf you was fuckin wit before this but we fuckin fuckin over here.
So she says yes she suck dick and of course my response to that is pulling my dick tf out.
I like to think I did it as sexy as possible to try and cancel out whatever awkwardness I caused by asking but the truth is I really just whipped the mf out. Thankfully I do have a good lookin dick.
She take a good look at it and starts suckin. You could tell she aint suck dick in a while. Suckin the tip while jerkin me off. She tryna get the nut quick and move on 😭😭😭 never the less I'm enjoying it. After 2 mins she stops, gets up and says "are you close to cuming" 😭😭😭😭😭😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨 in my mind I was like son WTF 😭😭 wtf r u doing 😭😭😭😭 ladies if you ever wanna turn a nigga off do that shit 😔😔😔😔😔 I couldn't fuckin believe the audacity 😭😭 so I just said "yea, sure"
She starts suckin again. The same way she been suckin for 2mins. Another 3 mins go by of the same shit.
She stops....
Takes a deep breath...
I said "whats wrong??"
She says "my jaw hurts"
Then she rolls over and lays down with her back to me
😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱
Once again I could not fuckin believe it. First time this shit ever happened.
So we sat in silence for a couple minutes and yea I did think about leaving....
But I'm a petty niggs
The pettiest nigga
And at times a very childish nigga
So I said FUCK IT
I got up.
Put the condom on.
Get back in the bed.
Roll her tf over and we start fuckin
She is 10000000% wit the shits and happy asf she's getting her way
Of course she'd ONLY be in to missionary but that's ok.
It works.
We only a couple minutes in
I'm slow strokin tf outta her and she's going crazy. Moanin wild. Scratching up a nigga back. Wrapping her legs around me. She's enjoying tf outta this.
And so am I.
I'm enjoying this so much I start going faster.
I'm enjoying this so much I start going harder.
Poundin her shit tf out.
At this point she's in another world.
AND THEN I NUT AS HARD AS I POSSIBLY CAN.
She's layin there wit the craziest face on and I lean in and say "that's why you're suppose to finish suckin dick first"
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Now just to be real with yall, that's definitely bullshit.
Most of yall already know that's bullshit
But the look on her face when I said it....
Priceless.
I get up and start getting dressed.
Long story short
Fast forward I'm gettin my dick sucked for a VERY LONG TIME after that
Amazing
She get her pussy ate savagely after that
Amazing
And we fuck the rest of the night crazy.
Fucked the absolute nonsense outta eachother.
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Love Isn’t An Illusion (7)
Pairing: Todoroki x Bakugou, Todoroki x Reader x Bakugou, VERY SLOW BUILD
Summary: Getting supplies for the camping trip with some fun rivalry swimming.
Words: +-7600 (I have problems)
Warnings: bad parenting, overbearing parents, overthinking, talking about bathing suits, fear of public places, over planning, wearing a skirt, anxiety, protective Shoji, being noticed by fans, social metres, explaining swimwear, saying you have a chest (sorry if you dont, itty bitty titties are good too!), explanations of clothing, the league, undressing and people looking at you (not sexual), being self conscious, overly competitive,
Tagged: @kittycatspervertedheart @lemorrite @gwendlynn @marleps @thicctati2 @saitamastamaticsoup @succulent-momma @aurorahoneybuns @imjusttireddudes @misconceptualised @ochabby @katsukisuwus @gayverlinq @star-witchs-blog @fallbb123 @icyhotpie @kyrah-williams
A/N: I wrote this for the fans. I do not own My Hero academia or the characters, I don’t own most of the plot for this story, I had watched the show and re-written the dialogue and plot as if the reader was the main character. Everything is centred around the reader. Please comment, makes me happy. Ask if you wish to be tagged. Patreon is still in the works as I’m not confident to do it however, for now I am doing commission stories if anyone is interested
Masterlist
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6
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Chapter 7
Walking into the house my mother walked up to me hands on her hips and she looked ready for a fight. I was tired and just wanted to go lay down. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with her right now or at any given point if I was honest but after the exam I had, I quite enjoyed turning my brain off for a few days.
“Who dropped you off” she inquired immediately. I sighed and hoisted my bag onto my back more comfortably as I looked up to see her. My head was pounding and Bakugou's jumper was so warm and fluffy I just wanted to go to sleep.
“Friends from school” I answered, my heart did the weird thing where it decided to not work and beat quicker then it should. I was there with my friends. Todoroki was always ready to help me move around and helped me through the panic attack while Bakugou had brought me food and gave me his jumper. I was thankful for both. Her hand moved in a continuous motion as if to continue “Bakugou and Todoroki” I answered.
“Todoroki, like Endeavor Todoroki,” she asked and I nodded slowly “His son, with the fire and ice. You’re friends with his son” I nodded again. She’s never been interested in heroes, at least whenever I talked about them “Oh darling look at you. He is a fine choice to swoon. Money and looks, he will make a great friend. I have to meet his father”
I was blank. She had to be joking right. I did not just fight ten Pro heroes for my mother to go on about how I'm friends with someone as if I had something to gain “I’m friends with Todoroki for Todoroki, not Endeavor. I do not like Endeavor and I never will. I like Todoroki for who he is not who he is related to” I said slowly as if I had to sound it out.
“Oh sure” she huffed and I knew this wouldn’t leave so I left it, she could think all she wanted, it meant nothing to me. “Bakugou, Bakugou” she whispered and hand on her chin. What was she doing? “Bakugou like the fashion designers” my head fell as I sighed out and shook my head “You are going for the top aren’t you. Just like your mum”
“Ok, whatever. Think what you want but I like them for them” she continued to go on as I shook my head again and then walked away up the stairs and into my room. Placing my phone on to charge I wiggled my arms into the jumper and unzipped my hero costume before falling into bed and falling asleep.
-
This morning was long, filled with questions about the boys and what they did, who I liked more. I didn’t answer a single one. I was not in the mood. I pulled on my uniform folding Bakugous’ jumper and left it on my bed. If he didn’t want me to keep it I could say I just forgot it, easy. I chose to pull on the UA jumper I had specifically asked for and then I was ready for school. My mother offered to drive, I accepted and put in my music to ignore her. Headphones covering my head and ears. Arriving I thanked her and I was off to class, as I was walking down the hall I could hear Kaminari yelling, he didn’t pass.
Aizawa walked in and I quickly followed “Sorry” I could see the looks but one glare from Aizawa and everyone was quiet. I made my way to my seat quickly, sitting down and placing my headphones in my bag out of the way, looking up and paying full attention.
“Morning, unfortunately, there are a few of you who did not pass your final exams. So when it comes to the training camp in the woods” he paused then his head raised a wide smile as his eyes did the same “Everyone is going” that was good. Kaminairi and Mina looked quite upset. They all asked if he was being honest and that they got to come with the rest of us “Yeah. The good news is no one bombed the written exam. Five failed the practical badly. Two teams of course and Sero failed as well” I could hear a quiet yell. I forgot he got caught with Midnight and fell asleep the whole time. “Allow me to explain, the practical the teachers made sure to leave a way for the students to win” my eyes fell and I shook my head “Except Y/N” he nodded and I looked away. They did no such thing. “Otherwise you never would have stood a chance” I rolled my eyes.
“I think I did just fine thank you” I whispered and played with the ends of my sleeve. I spent three days in the hospital to win that goddamned test. I knew some people heard that at the little chuckles around me.
“We were interested in observing how each of you approached the task at hand. The training camp will focus on strength” this was going to be a long camp, my head rested on my palm as I looked to Aizawa. I need to work on harnessing my quirk and not passing out every time I go overboard. “Those who failed will need those lessons the most, we were never going to separate you” leave it to the teachers to absolutely scare everyone in the class for no reason “That was just a logical deception we used” his smile was bright, he was quite proud of himself.
“He tricked us all, I should have expected this” Iida voiced I turned seeing him quickly lunge up from his seat “Mr Aizawa this is the second time you’ve lied to us aren’t you afraid we will lose faith in you” he was standing straight his hand up in the air as he yelled. He had a point but I don’t think the teacher cared.
“That’s a good point, I'll consider it” No he won’t, he enjoyed making us stress and try our best “But I wasn’t lying to you about everything” this man was full of surprises and it was making my head fuzzy. “Failure is failure” I smiled so not a topic for me. “We’ve prepared extra lessons for the five of you” the mood dropped drastically amongst the five. “Frankly they’ll be far tougher than what you’ll face at summer school” at least he was honest.
The rest of the day went by as usual and I talked to Bakugou and Todoroki mostly a few people coming up to me to give their congratulations and a few telling me they thought I had died when I just fell. I laughed at that comment.
“I had about a hundred thoughts playing at once so I overworked my brain” I smiled and scratched the back of my head, a nervous habit I picked up when I was younger. I saw confused faces. “Each illusion is a single thought if they act differently so by the end of the match I had about a hundred independent thoughts going through my head at once”
I was bombarded with questions as I answered them without giving too much information away. I had Mina hugging me tightly at one point in tears about how worried she was, I swear my hair was wet by the end of it. I smiled, genuinely. I did have the best class anyone could ask for. This was one of the first days I wasn’t rushing to study or do anything, it felt nice and I had friends.
“We’re at the training camp for a full week” Iida readout, he seemed shocked and I nodded to myself. Another week without my parents, what more could I wish for. My parents had signed off on it earlier in the year not caring for what I did.
“No way, I’ll need a bigger suitcase” Midoriya pondered and I thought to my belongings. I had a big enough suitcase. When I got along with my parents we had gone on a few holidays so I just had to find it.
“No kidding, I don’t even have a bathing suit” the thought sent shivers down my spine. I would be fearful to get into the water knowing if Kaminari sneezed I could be electrocuted and die. He had control but still, it was worrying. I didn’t often go swimming so I too would need to buy one. “Guess I need to buy some stuff”
“Guys since we are off tomorrow and we’re finished exams I have the best idea” Torus’ happy voice sang out her uniform moving indicating she raised her arms in excitement. Everyone seemed interested now. “Why doesn’t class 1-A go shopping together” it wasn’t a bad idea. I preferred to go shopping with people I knew then alone I had to admit I feared to be alone in public places just as much as the next person.
“Hey yeah, we’ve never hung out as a class before” Kaminari smiled as Uraraka nodded enthusiastically. I could hear everyone agreeing and getting more excited about the weekend's events. I too was quite excited though, did they mean everyone in the class?
“Bakugou, see you there, right” Leave it to Kirishima to always ask if the explosive blonde would attend a get-together. I like that Bakugou had friends and seemed to get along with people, even if it was only a select few.
“I can’t think of anything more annoying” his eyes were closed and face distasteful as he grimaced at the mere thought of seeing anyone in school out in public. I smiled and rolled my eyes silently as he walked off from the group hands in his pockets and back slouched.
Everyone was talking and I smiled happily though I could hear Midoriya ask Todoroki if he was going to join the class on our little adventure “I visit my mum on days off” he smiled, small but it was there. Did he live with his dad but not his mum? Maybe they were divorced or something. I was sad he wouldn’t be there but I could understand why. I didn’t blame him.
“Party poopers, don’t you ever get tired of being so serious” Mineta shouted, I would’ve liked both Bakugou and Todoroki to come but they had their things on. I had made friends with the class so hopefully, I wouldn’t be left to my own devices but if so I was more than capable of shopping on my own.
“What about you Y/N” I turned to look at Jirou who had asked the question “Are you going to come” she smiled and I saw a few of the other girls smile in response. I was being offered, I had friends. I would never regret coming to this school.
“Yeah” I nodded and stood from my desk patting my skirt down to my legs “I need some swimwear and hiking clothes” I scratched the back of my head nervously “I live in jumpers and long pants so I’ll need some outdoors clothes” I didn’t leave the house much before this year. I stayed in my room and played games now I was studying non-stop.
“We can help with that” Uraraka put her fist in the air and I nodded unbeknownst that a few boys were more than interested in the conversation I was having. “You’ll be an outdoors person in no time” I laughed rather loudly and nodded.
“I look forward to it” and I wasn’t lying I was beyond excited for this camp, the whole thing a new experience and I hadn’t gone on ‘holiday’ in quite some time if I was honest.
We all walked out of the room and set up a group chat for the weekend, I waved everyone goodbye and began my trek home. Headphones on and music blaring to calm myself through the walk, it was long but when I arrived home I could see my parents were home. I walked up to the two of them turning down my music and pushing the headset from my head to my neck.
“I’m going out with the class over the week to go shopping for the camp” I stated, they didn’t care what I did. I could see my mother think for a moment and then nodded, remembering something.
“Yes you did make it into that camp, my bank is still connected to your card, get everything you need. A week was it” she asked not looking up, they had no concept of money because they had so much. I didn’t spend a lot of money but I did need things for the week trip. I nodded. “Ok” then I was off to my room.
I searched my room for my suitcase, it was just a plain black hard suitcase that was big enough for a week's trip. Suitcase, done. I got out my phone and began to make a list of the things I would need. It was long but I wanted everything to be perfect and if I had no purchase limit why not spoil myself for once.
Once the list was done I looked at the group chat and saw all the details Iida had set up sending a quick “Thank you” and mentioning Iida I was off and ready for bed. I had had dinner between rummaging through my room and making my list.
-
Waking up the next morning I did my usual routine and stretched, I felt so relaxed no studying for me though I liked that I was still busy in away. I liked to keep myself busy. When you do things for so long and then stop you have to find something to replace it. I walked out into my room in my underwear and sighed, what was I going to wear? What was everyone going to wear? We were going to the shopping centre so casual but something I could easily take off if I needed to try things on. I laughed, I could use my illusions to see how they would look. Cute it was.
I opened my wardrobe searching through my long-sleeved shirts until I found a black long-sleeved shirt with holes in the sleeves held together by an F/C lace-like strip that crossed over each other to the bottom of the sleeve. Short black skirt with my shirt tucked into baggily. I moved to my accessories drawers and opened it to see my belts. My F/C belt would go perfect matching the strips of lace, I placed it through the hoops in the skirt and smiled. Some simple boots and the look was complete. I brushed my hair and placed my little backpack on my back. Pull of a portable charger, my wallet and just my everyday things. Walking out I walked past my parents and I was off on my adventure sending a message I would be a few minutes late due to buses not matching up for me.
I hopped off the bus saying a quick thank you before I left to go into the centre, turning on my phone one last time to check I had the right information. I looked up and saw the group then looked down, was I too casual? I began to panic and shook my head. These were my friends, these were my people.
“Hey guys, sorry for being a little late” I called out and watched as they turned to me smiling lighting up and waves being thrown though I didn’t miss the double takes I was receiving from a few of them. I walked up to them and stood in the little group we had formed.
Everyone seemed quite excited but Midoriya was looking around in awe and muttering to himself about how all the shops captured almost every single quirk known. I laughed and felt my arm get hooped to Mina who was jumping around and full of energy like usual. I smiled.
“You’re going to scare the children” Tokoyami blandly stated and shook his head crossing his arms in fake seriousness, at least, I thought it was fake. “Stop” I heard a few laughs as Midoriya blushed in embarrassment.
“Wow, aren’t they UA students” a bystander called out and I turned to see a little group of people forming, this was a downfall of being in the top school but there was nothing we could do. I was going to become a hero and having fans was part of that.
“1-A” another called out as I looked to the three men looking overly excited to see the group in public. After the sports festival, I couldn’t blame them but still yelling across the mall hallway was a lot for my anxiety. I hadn’t even thought about if anyone recognised us.
“I saw them on TV” so my accusations were right, they had seen us at the festival most likely and then the thought of my video saving people and Hero Killer Stain came into my mind. I gripped the straps of my backpack, Mina having left my side a few minutes ago. I moved to stand behind Shoji who immediately moved to shield me from the view.
Even with all the people talking and fanning Jiro and Momo were just talking about what they needed to get and see, they chose to go together. They were such good friends. I smiled at the interaction.
“You ok,” Shoji asked his mask moving slightly with the question. I nodded and saw a few people turned to look at my still slightly shielded figure. I flushed and turned away from the looks.
“I’m just anxious about people looking at me” he nodded and rubbed my back to calm me down “Sorry about that” I could see people shake their hands and smile, it made me feel a lot better.
“We all have our weaknesses, though you seem so confident when fighting” Kirishima pointed out and again they nodded in agreement. My hand came to my chin to think, they were right.
“I’m far too competitive to lose it just comes off as confidence” I laughed and scratched the back of my head my cheeks reddening at the confession “I’m one of the most competitive people you’ll ever meet. One of the downfalls of my personality” I nodded and heard a few laughs in response.
When everyone was done saying what they needed or wanted for the trip Kirishima spoke up “Why don’t we split up and look around, we can meet up here when we are done. It’s noon so let’s say we all meet up here at three” I heard a chorus of sure's and yes’ as we all broke off.
I walked off with Shoji and Tokoyami having asked if I could tag along to the supplies store. I said I’d meet up with the girls later so I could buy some swimwear with them. We were talking and walking around until we made it to the store. Shoji grabbing a basket for us. I had moved my headphones to my bag but when I walked I could hear the keychains bounce.
“What do you need Y/N,” Tokoyami asked and Shoji came back into the conversation from looking around. I hummed for a second taking out my phone and unlocking the device showing them both a photo.
“I wanted to buy this, It’s a PowerPoint that has four docks for plugs and then three USB hubs. Just in case there aren't enough powerpoints I thought this would be good to bring” I explained and then pulled the phone back scrolling down “It says this store has them but I’ve never been here so I might have to ask someone” I whispered looking back up to the boys.
“I didn’t even know they had those kinds of things but that is a very good idea” Shoji nodded impressed with the find and I handed him my phone saying to scroll as they also had others he might be interested in.
“Yeah Y/N has a good point, we have no idea where we are going and it would be good to be prepared for anything” Tokoyami nodded and moved to look at the phone as well “They are very practical” he added and I nodded. “Anything else,” he asked my phone being handed back to me.
“A flashlight maybe, I don’t know where we are and if I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of nowhere I would like to know where I am going” a hum from Tokoyami and a firm agreeing nod from Shoji we began our quest for the items.
It was an enjoyable trip as we rushed through each aisle and tried to find the products. The workers had told us isle five near the back to the left though all three of us stared at the shelf. “Are you guys seeing something I’m not?” I asked, turning to them.
“No” Shoji shook his head and then tilted to shake his head, “They said isle five” we all looked up, we were in that aisle. “To the back” we were to the back of the isle “On the left” his voice went to nothing as I moved to crouch down.
I moved a few boxes looking at the signs and then I saw them “Found them” I called out and heard a sigh of relief as I leaned forward to grab them from the back of the shelf, there were three left. I hugged them to my chest. “There’s three left” I sighed and moved to put them in the basket “No one in the class can get them” I smirked and we all laughed at the situation of us being overly prepared.
Moving onto finding flashlights and a few other things including bug spray and a travel utility kit. “What about portable charges, there may not even be electricity. We could be camping” Tokoyami spoke up and I shrugged nodding.
“Good point, we have no idea where we are going. I have one but when I was looking for the ports I saw one that can charge your phones up to four times in one charge” they were both interested in this new information as I showed them my phone again. “It’s pretty cheap too, sales” I smiled. We were off again looking for this device. Finding them we added them to the basket and we were leaving the store, finally. We paid for our things. I put my things in my bag and we were off once more. “Kaminari and Mina are picking out swimwear if you wanna come”
“I need something to fit my arms, hopefully, they’ll have something” Shoji nodded as Tokoyami looked less than comfortable at the idea of trying on swimwear. I smiled and looked up the store.
“Hey Tokoyami” his eyes turned to my own and I showed him the picture of the pitch-black swimwear set that was long-sleeved and came up his neck and down his legs. “They have a black pair that covers your whole body” I sang with a smile.
“I guess I do need a swim set” he crossed his arms as we made our way to the store, keeping our chatter casual and easy. I put my phone away as we came into the store and met up with the two, Mineta and Kirishima had joined them.
“Hey, guys” Kirishima waved smiling widely, happily. I waved back and we all began to browse. Mina and I moved over to the women's section even though the rash shirts in the men's section were looking more than appealing.
Mina and I began to look through the swimwear as I sighed out, there was far too many to look through. “What do you usually wear in the water” she bounced over happily already holding a few things to try on. I, on the other hand, had nothing.
“I don’t go swimming” I could swim quite well my parents have cared for me not drowning to get me a lesson at a young age. Though I didn’t go swimming often, we didn’t have a pool and I was very focused on studying to get into UA from a young age.
“What’s a colour you like,” she asked and began to go through the swimwear I was looking at “This is just all shirts” she whispered more to herself then I as I nodded and she smiled “You’ll have to buy a bikini to go underneath as well” I hadn’t even thought about that.
“I like F/C and black and yeah I do need to get a bikini” I sighed and put my head back, this was a lot for my social metre to take, my body anxious but Minas’ bubbly personality was helping my anxiety lessen. Taking out my phone I sent out a message to both Bakugou and Todoroki asking if they needed anything while I was out.
“Already got everything” was the message from Bakugou simple and easy then as I was about to click out “Thanks though” I smiled and was about to send a reply when the phone vibrated again “You should plan next time idiot” of course he couldn’t end on something positive. I replied and then moved onto Todoroki.
“No, it’s ok. I’ll go after visiting my mother. Thank you” even though his typing style was neat and formal. Only saying what he needed too and then ending the conversation whereas Bakugou wrote whatever came to mind in that second and sent it off. I replied to him as well and then put my phone away.
“Black isn’t a colour but I'll allow it” she stood quickly smiling out and then moving around the store grabbing Kaminari and Kirishima to help her find something for me to wear. I laughed at the awkward faces but they both went to work.
“Y/N” I was called over to Mina who was holding a bikini set that was F/C, it was modest and covered everything that needed to be covered. I nodded and then looked to the fabric taking it, it had a nice texture as well.
They looked nice, the bottoms weren’t held together by a string which I instantly liked and the bra part looked rather nice. The bra had little ruffles along the rim which were cute. I looked at the size and laughed. She looked confused as the boys walked overhearing the commotion. “You got a size far to small at least for the top” she tilted her hand and then looked down to my chest.
I moved to hold my shirt against my body and her eyes widened “That’s some voodoo magic” she called out and I could see a few boys blushing as Mineta fell to the floor. “No what” she called out and looked amazed.
I let go of my shirt and she shook her head “I just wear baggy clothing and jumpers to school. I appreciate the thought though” I laughed and moved to grab the size that fit me and she looked about ready to faint I laughed again. “It’s not the first time” she nodded and we went looking for the rest of the swimwear we all needed. “Kirishima” I watched his head turn and I held up a red swim shirt that had a picture of Crimson Riot on the back.
“I need it but I don’t usually wear shirts” he whispered and looked overly happy that I had found it. Leaning down I showed him the matching bottoms a little picture of the hero on the bottom of them. “There we go” he nodded and got both of them “Isn’t this kinda childish though” he frowned.
“If they had a swimsuit that had my favourite character on it, I’d get it. It’s manly to be you” I nodded and his eyes lit up as he jumped putting his arms together. He was so happy that someone had simply let him be a fan
“You’re right” he nodded and went to go show the others who were more than interested to listen to him babble about how much he loved Crimson Riot. I didn’t doubt he had far more merch then those two pieces of clothing. Though I was surprised to see the merch for such an old hero.
I looked around as the others did, Tokoyami having grabbed the black pieces of swimwear I had shown him prior when we were walking over. Mina found some pink swimmers that complimented her and I walked further into the store seeing something I knew one of my friends would be interested in. Grabbing the colour I assumed he’d like I walked over to the group.
“Shoji” I held up the seemingly normal swimsuit and I watched as everyone was confused until I pulled down an almost invisible zipper down the sides of the shirt and his eyes lit up.
“You seem to find what everyone needs Y/N” I could see the smile through his mask and I nodded handing over the shirt showing him where the zipper was. “I have bottoms so I’m all done” I looked back and watched as the boys went off Kaminari having picked some yellow bottom with Pikachu on them, I smiled as they went to try on their clothes.
I walked around until finding a nice black rash shirt with F/C strips along the ribs. Picking my size I walked over to Mina “Do you think I should get shorts or with the bikini bottoms be enough” I asked. She turned and looked at the outfit I was holding up.
“The shirt seems pretty long so I think you should be fine” she nodded and then moved to feel the rash shirt “That’s super soft” her eyes widened and I did the same nodding. “Go try them on” I looked down and tilted my head. Creating an illusion her eyes widened “You never need to try on clothes, I'm so jealous” she cried out and I laughed “But they look super good”
I nodded. A few more minutes and trying on clothes we were ready to move on with the rest of our trip. Paying for the clothing and a reusable bag to put it in we were off everyone having bought something. We walked and talked as we moved on to different stores buying things and talking about what we would need. It was a fun trip and I had messaged my mother if she could pick me up having bought all the things I needed and it is quite a lot. She said yes, she was acting nice the last few days but I didn’t mention it.
“I think that was a successful trip” Tokoyami pointed out and we all agreed. “It’s almost three so let’s all meet up with the group” we stopped by one more store to buy some new pillowcases and then we made our way back to the centre, being the first to arrive.
Throughout the trip we had been stopped a few times by people interested in our school and other things, we mostly thanked them and then went on with our day. I smiled at my ‘fans’ and then we were off to the place where we said we would all meet up. Having arrived we weren’t the first, of course, Iida was here before us all, bags in hand. He dressed like a dad and I loved that he wore such formal but casual clothes. Though when we arrived we were told that Midoriya had been attacked per se by Shigaraki. The league of villains so-called leader. I was practically shaking when we were told. Then asked by police if we had seen anyone. I hadn’t even thought about the league or Stains little followers. I wasn’t safe, we weren’t safe. The police conducted a sweep but Shigaraki wasn’t found and I didn’t know if I wanted him too. Midoriya was taken to the police station to file a report.
I stood with the rest of my peers and waved them off with a “Please be careful getting home” as I walked to the carpark placing all my new things into the boot while my mother was on the phone to someone. Getting into the passenger side I waved to the group getting waves back and raised my phone pointing to it mouthing “Message me” I got nods and then I was off on the drive home.
My mother complained to someone on the other side of the line, but their conversation ended quickly. Her eyes glazed over to my body for a moment before talking “Did you get everything you need” she seemed very calm which was odd.
“Yes, I did” I responded and she nodded stopping at a roundabout “I’ll be gone for a week as of the camp, I don’t know if I’ll be able to message as we don’t know where we are going” I explained as she drove through turning to the main road, the road home.
“That’s fine, you still have your suitcase” I hummed a yes and she nodded “Your father and I are going on a week vacation while you are gone” so that’s why she was being nice. She didn’t want me there anyway. “I’ll drop you off on Monday and pick you up when you get home” I nodded and the conversation was over.
Arriving home we went our separate ways. I moved into my room and began to get messages from everyone that they got home. I sent a message that I arrived home safely. I was so worried about the league but shook my head and began to pack my bag for the trip. I arranged everything and then began to pack, Aizawa saying they had beds for us so I didn’t need to bring Tatami to the trip. I packed my pillow and then packed around it, the piece is the biggest. Clothing folded perfectly and then placed inside. I packed the PowerPoint and extra chargers just in case. I had to charge my headphones tonight. I lifted myself from the floor and put them on to charge.
Then came dinner, it was simple and easy to eat. Down with some ice water I was in a good mood, and excited mood. A few moments on my phone then I was back to packing. I finished well into the night having made sure I had everything but leaving a note in the bathroom to pack my toiletries the day I was leaving before I left. I believed I was ready for bed as I stretched and then looked back to the bag. Amongst shopping, I had bought some t-shirts and shorts, ready for the outdoors. My boots were thick but flat so I could wear them without care if we had to do a lot of walking. I moved to pack a few jumpers for sleeping or if it got cold. I packed Bakugous without a thought.
I had gotten a message in a new group titled “The girls” I smiled when I was informed that I was being asked if I wanted to join the rest of the girls using the schools' pool tomorrow before the camp. “Use the school swimsuit,” I said I’d be there.
-
I had arrived at school the next day wearing the school swimsuit under my regular clothes and going to the changing room to undress when I saw the rest of the girls changing. I waved as they began to talk about nothing in particular and I joined in a few times.
“I am so excited for camp,” Toru yelled, voice high and full of energy even though it was rather early in the morning. I was still just waking up, not quite remembering how I got to school. As I peeled off my shirt I watched as the girls stopped talking.
“It’s so weird, right” I was confused and I followed their gaze to my chest as I flushed and looked away “Oh sorry Y/N” Mina apologised and I waved a hand as it was ok. It was I didn’t mind. “We went shopping and I was amazed”
“I can see why your outfits make you look flat” Jiro bluntly stated and I nodded looking down at my breasts. I wasn’t flat I thought I had nice breasts. We continued to get changed and then walked out into the pool area. “We got permission off Aizawa to be here so there was no need to worry” I nodded, I didn’t think about it. Momo had planned this and I trusted her.
We were just chilling stretching off to the side of the pool when the boys began to show up. The swimsuits weren’t too bad, covering my body, I should have brought something like this for the camp but I didn’t mind too much, I thought my outfit was cute. We stretched and then we began to play volleyball. We were having so much fun playing and joking with the girls.
“Serve”
“Chance ball”
“Got it”
“Mine”
We were having so much fun with I was smiling though I kept most of my body under the water being a little self-conscious of the tight clothing I was having fun nonetheless. I threw myself back aiming for a ball and hitting it over the net as I splashed into the water on my back gaining us a point.
When my head rose I heard a loud voice “The next time I beat you, I want you to be at your strongest, you damn nerd” I turned seeing Bakugou in all his glory, shirt off and tight pants on. I watched him storm his way towards Midoriya and my heartbeat quicken. He was so attractive. The girls and I watched on confused as to what was happening.
“Hey I got your message, sorry I'm late” Kirishima waved his hand around smiling. His arm was out holding Bakugou from the green-headed shaking male “It took a while to convince Bakugou to come out” I wanted to thank Kirishima for trying his hardest this is all I could have wanted. He was so muscular as I sighed out and flushed glad no one was paying attention to me.
“So Deku, you wanna settle who's the best of us right now” Bakugou was sure in a mood, his arm raised and hand outstretched to allow his palms to pop with small harmless explosions. He was sure fired up “Huh” he yelled. Midoriya stepped back shaking his head.
“You know what we could make this training a contest” Iida spoke more to himself then the group and my ears picked up on the chatter. “Hey everyone I propose we see which of the boys can swim 50 metres the fastest. A friendly race” he smiled and I couldn’t help the way my hands twitched. There was no such thing as a friendly race, at least in my books.
I ducked beneath the water and swam over quickly as they all rounded up. I popped out of the water on an illusion raising myself in front of them in all my glory. “I hope I’m welcome” I smiled and saw their fearful faces. Licking my lips I dropped down in front of the water falling from my body as I smiled. “I do enjoy beating you all” I was not met with smiles but determined faces of my peers.
“OK then, the boys and Y/N” Iida nodded and I moved to crack my knuckles rather loudly as I saw a few of the boys look rather excited and some just look nervous. I think I saw Kaminari wince to the sound of cracking bones.
“Iida why don’t you let us help you out with this” Momo asked the girls now out of the pool and looking excited as the rest of us. I was bouncing around, I was far too competitive for my good. I hated not being apart of competition but this was something else. This was a real competition. Iida agreed to the help, from the girls.
“And quirks,” Ojiro asked slowly his hand raised with a towel around his neck “Are we allowed to use them” I could win easily if we did. Just set them on a little course that wasn’t in the pool and I could easily win.
“Well, we are at school” Iida pondered, yes, just say we can. “So there shouldn’t be a problem with that” I smiled to the group and moved my hand letting out a little mist for emphasis I saw wide eyes and worried faces. “However you cannot cause damage to your classmates or the building” I could agree with that.
Bakugou walked forward and just past me to stand in front of Midoriya, they needed a new hobby “I’m going to annihilate you Deku” clenched fists and hard stare he spoke calmly, honestly. “And you too Icy-Hot” I turned to where his eyes were to see Todoroki sitting on the floor, without a shirt. The lords have blessed me today. “You bastard” he was in a bad mood, like always. Then the explosive blonde turned to me “You especially” then he walked off and I smiled.
“I look forward to it” I called out behind him. We all moved into lines. I was in the second heat so I watched the first five boys race. Then the whistle went off.
Bakugou was flying through the air landing on his feet at the end of the pool. “How was that you sidekicks” he called out hand raised and I smiled when he got backlash from his friends “It’s called freestyle swimming” he had a point it was a freestyle.
Then it was my go with Todoroki, Sero, Kirishima and Sato “On your marks, get set, go” the whistle was off and I watched as an illusion came around them jumping in as I jumped off the ledge and walked to the other end of the pool stepping up and letting the illusion fall. Sero taping his way across the surface of the water and Todoroki surfing on ice.
“You’re supposed to be swimming” Kaminari and Mineta yelled as I simply shrugged my shoulders. Watching Sato and Kirishima get to the end of the pool. Todoroki looked at me as well.
“What can I say. I like to win” I smiled and moved back to the lines “At least I touched the water” I put my hands on my hips and lined back up “Beside quirks are allowed and I didn’t hurt anybody or property” I wasn’t wrong.
“It’s time for the final race. Bakugou, Y/N, Todoroki, Midoriya you had the fastest four times. You will fight for first place” his hands were on his hips as I nodded Midoriya and Todoroki making a verbal response.
“Listen up scarface" I believed that to be a little harsh to the ear but then again that was Bakugou "Don’t you dare hold back as you did at the sports festival” his voice was so angry, he really still thought about that, did he forget I had beat him? ‘Bring everything you’ve got” I didn’t take it personally, I think Bakugou had a thing for people who didn’t take him seriously, while I did. “You too fight to win” he turned to Midoriya they were all agreeing and talking.
“Are we forgetting I beat all three of you” I voiced and it went silent. “I mean” I laughed lightly an aura of danger being released. “I don’t like when people don’t take me seriously” I smiled and saw the nods.
We got into place and I smirked standing on the pedestal. I could hear yelling and other things as I smiled seeing the boys activating their quirks and I sighed. “Get set” this would be easy. I smiled. “Go” as I went to jump I saw no illusion appear.
I heard the yells of my opponents as I fell into the water, having just stepped in instead of swimming. I rose to see Aizawa his hair up and quirk activated “It’s five pm, your authorised pool time is officially over. Hurry up and go home” did he have to do that. It was one race that would have been over in less than a minute. Kaminari and Sero voiced my complaints. “Are you questioning me” his eyes shone and I was glad I hadn’t been the one to talk.
We all rushed to get changed and go home once we were allowed. I sighed and got out of the pool feeling my quirk return to me, it was a weird feeling when it was off. Then I was heading home having to get ready for the camp.
I ate once I was home and then began to repack making sure I had everything I needed when I finished packing for the night and laid down being rather exhausted more then I would like to admit. I sighed out and went on my phone seeing a message I had missed about a quarter of an hour before. “Do you have a spare charger I spent longer with my mother and left mine with her” Todorokis’ message read. I smiled, he had messaged me.
“Yeah, I’ll pack it and give it to you at camp” I responded, I was never one for emojis or the little stickers but when I received one from Todoroki it being a little cat saying ‘Thank you’ I couldn’t help the blush rising to my cheeks. “No issues” I replied and stared at the ceiling for a moment to calm my racing heart.
I was tired but that didn’t stop me from watching a video I wanted to catch up on, a few hours passed and it was getting close to midnight, I had to get some sleep. I moved to place my phone on charge, pulling the blanket over my body and the warmth and sleep consumed my form. Hello, summer break.
_______________________________________________________________
Chapter 8
#mha x reader#mha#my hero academia#my hero academia x reader#bnha x reader#bnha#boku no hero academia#boku no hero academia x reader#bakugou x reader#bakugo x reader#bakugou#bakugo#bakugou katsuki#bakugo katsuki#katsuki bakugou#katsuki bakugo#katsuki#katsuki bakugou x reader#katsuki bakugo x reader#todoroki x reader#shouto todoroki x reader#shoto todoroki#shoto todoroki x reader#todoroki#todoroki x bakugou#todoroki x bakugo#bakugou x todoroki#bakugo x todoroki#shouto x katsuki#shoto x katsuki
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Dragons and Fireflies
Waitttt! If you havent read the previous chapters I wouldnt advise reading this. Here's the link for the rest of the chapters if you need to go back. https://my.w.tt/gYNayRx9rcb
Since the ones on my tumblr...are forever lost now😔 Anyway those who read it please enjoy!
Chapter 7: Buried Memories
"Juvia is so sorry, Anna~sama. She never thought things would turn out so...complicated."
All Anna could do was carress her temples in order to calm herself down. After all she was getting older, and she couldn't let such things stress her out anymore. Unless she wanted an early grave dug of course.
" It's quite alright Juvia. It isnt as big of a deal as it seems."
Juvia couldnt help but breathe a sigh of relief at her reassuring comment. She would never forgive herself if she ever endangered the bands success with her selfishness.
"Oh thank goodness-"
"If you clean up the mess you made."
Juvia's heart stopped as she held her breath. As she took in her words silently, a million questions popped into her head. That she was too afraid to hear the answer to. What on earth did she mean by that? And the bigger question was how could she possibly even fix this mess? Anna's eyes softened as she met Juvia's worried ones.
"We need to figure out how the public would take this whole misunderstanding first and then address the situation publicly. Thats the smartest thing to do at this moment. Until then I will discuss the predicament with the Dragonflies manager."
As Juvia listened for the click of her door, she could finally breathe a sigh of relief. She had known when she had seen the photo in the paper, things would get bad. But she never thought this bad. And now the world was convinced Gray Fullbuster from the popular band 'Dragonflies' was her secret lover.
It was even worse they were competitors, both fighting for the top spot of best band. Why did she do it? Get involved with Gray Fullbuster? Her reasons were something personal to her, close to her heart that was from the past that she so desired to forget. It wasnt his looks or anything, although she couldnt deny his attractiveness.
She knew the rumors were true, after all she had seen for her own eyes the damage he could do to a woman. And she wouldnt be one of those who was affected by his charms. She refused to. She was the one who was going to teach him how women were to be treated, and not as playthings.
She was going to do it...for her. But she messed things up because of her anger, and now look at what happened. Her head was pounding with past emotions steadily creeping back from their place pushed deep down in her heart. It made her clench her fists in irritation and helplessness. Maybe she hadnt changed from all those years ago. The nightmares also flooded back to her, making her freeze in her own body. She shook in frustration with herself.
Did she even change at all? No, she wasnt that naive girl from years ago anymore, and she would never be again. Too much had happened for that. She never thought this would go so far, and affect her friends though. Her bandmates meant the world to her, and she would never hurt them purposely. After all, they saved her from her wretched life, after she had fallen so deep into despair. Gajeel...
She felt tears well up in her eyes before she couldnt help but scowl at her emotions getting the best of her once again. She chuckled dryly. She never was one for hiding her emotions, and her faces always told the world how she felt. She despised that with her entire being.
Although with Gray, it was easy to hide them, and she doubted he cared about them anyway. Thats why he was so easy to manipulate at the time. Its not like Juvia wasnt worried about her image at all. In fact it was probably tainted just by even being seen with that womanizer.
Her image in the band was supposed to be the innocent but sexy one, and men went crazy over it. Her merchandise being the most bought out in stores. She remembered when Lucy made a fuss about it, chastising Anna of giving her the wrong image for the band
And Juvia couldn't help but muffle her laughs with her hand in the background.
Her heart warmed at the memory and it made her clutch at her heart thinking of losing that small happiness. They were just taking off and already making merchandise, because Anna was sure that they would become a success fast. Juvia couldnt help but wonder that maybe Anna had made the wrong choice letting her into Fireflies.
"Juvia? Juvia! I have been calling your name for 5 minutes now!" She jumped at the sudden noise and swung her head up. She thought she had locked the door.
"Ahh Levy-san. What do you need?" Juvia asked exasperated.
She tried to wipe her stray tears quickly, turning her face in embarrassment. She hadn't even noticed she had cried. Levy did nothing but stare at her for a minute, before walking over and plopping down on the couch right beside her.
" You know, the girls are really not upset or anything. If thats what...you're crying about?"
Juvia looked into her cocoa irises and Levy met hers. They were full of worry.
"Honestly Juvia is fine. She just...regrets causing you guys so much trouble." Juvia tried to put on a smile but it came out as an obvious grimace.
"You really didnt. After all anyone who doesnt know that females have sexual needs too, know now."
"Huh???"
"Sexual needs? I read it in a reproduction book too. Apparently women have the most urge for it during pregnancy. Wait could this be-"
"Oh nooo Levy-san, this incident has nothing to do with...that."
"Oh. So not at all? You didnt...do anything?"
"Heavens no. Im not that kind of girl." Juvia gave her a reassuring smile, while Levy wiped her brow in relief.
"Cana lost 50 bucks today." She smiled staring a little too hard at her lap.
" What do you mean Levy-san?" She was beginning to feel suspicious.
"Well umm..."
"Levy..."
" Alright, alright! The girls made a bet about if you slept with Gray or not. Of course I bet that you didnt, but Cana got into my head and made me think things...something about girls needing devouring too. So I read up on it and..."
Juvia stared in disbelief as Levy squirmed under her gaze. A giggled echoed throughout the room, making Levy jump in surprise.
" Of course she did! Cana-san is always talking about things like that."
When Levy saw the laughter wasnt of anger or irritation, she laughed along too.
" Yeah, and Lucy chastised her for even thinking of you being so careless. She said' Juvia would only do dirty things like that when she's married.' "Levy took a breath before she continued.
" And then Cana said 'Listen hunny, if you have a good sex life, all the worries go away. Thats why I have no gray hair yet and ole Lucy does.' "Levy couldnt help but chuckle at her own impersonation of Cana.
Juvia laughed at her words. She wished she would have been there to hear the rest but she had been stuck in her room, hiding for at least two days. Levy placed a small pale hand on hers.
" Dont hide from us, ok Juvia? We miss you." She then gave her a tight squeeze, wrapping her arms around Juvia's whole body.
Juvia sat there, stiff as a board but she hugged her back silently. She allowed some tears to slip down now. After all this was a special moment. She had forgotten her friends were such kind souls, and they would be accepting of just about everyone. That didnt mean Juvia could just accept herself whole-heartedly though.
She would always be dirty in her own eyes. As she waved goodbye to Levy and she heard the click of her door, she laid back and stared at the white of her ceiling. What did Anna mean 'clean up her mess'? And what would that entail?
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Home PT. 5
Viktor Drago x Cyra (Black OFC)
Cyra (Ky-Ra) -Sun or throne
Kazimir (Kah-Zee-Meer) - Bringer or Announcer of peace
Viktor Drago is married to the love of his life, they have a 5 year old son. He is willing to do anything to keep them safe.
Warning: Kidnapping, abuse, mentions of child abuse
Flashback 4
Viktor was absent from the gym for two weeks, Ivan thought of a punishment. After coming home late and missing his alarm in the morning Ivan made him go to the countryside. One of Ivan's friends owned a farm and he had to go work there, while also doing workouts. But today he was back, Ivan had a meeting setting up his next fight in a week and he was by himself. He went through his normal routine, keeping a look out for Cyra.
When she finally entered with the girl she was always with he smiled to himself, happy to see her.
Cyra looked up after Anna nudged her arm.
“There goes your giant boyfriend.” she joked.
“Chill out, obviously he doesn't like me.”
“Oh yeah then why he is smiling, when have you ever seen Drago smile.”
“He is probably just happy to be back in the gym, leave me alone.”
Yeah Cyra was a little snappy, she missed home, she missed her brothers, she sighed as she started to stretch, not even looking over in Viktor direction.
Viktor frowned, she didn't even look at him. Normally she would at least smile at him, mouthing a little hello. He hoped he didn't upset her in any way, he would apologize before he left.
Viktor worked out, keeping one eye on her as he did so. Her bubbly personality just wasn't here today, she was gray like the weather. The gym slowly emptied out, Viktor pushed himself to keep going, just to watch over her. The friend left as Cyra was sitting on a row of mats doing sit ups.
Viktor walked over to her, sweat drenching his tank top to his body.
“Hey.” was all he could say, suddenly everything he wanted to say got jumbled in his mind.
“Hey Vik.” she leaned back on her arms, breathing heavy.
“I am sorry…”
Cyra cut him off with a wave of a hand, “You don't have anything to be sorry about, you don't owe me anything, you are a grown ass man.”
Viktor was stuck not sure what to say, he took a few steps back as she got up and gathered her things.
“See ya later.” and just like that she was gone.
Viktor went back to the punching bag, confused about the interaction. On one hand she said he didn't need to be sorry, but she was clearly upset. Viktor didn't have a lot of experience with women, none as a matter of fact, at 25 he only been with one woman sexually, and that was after he won a fight, she was just a groupie The experience was short, a means to an end. Women were a distraction his father told him. Women came and went, glory was forever.
-------
Viktor was in the gym when they came, and he knew they would. It had been a week since Cyra and Kazi were taken, her brothers were used to talking to her everyday. The doorbell rang and Ivan got the door, telling him to keep going. They quickly fell back into old habits and Viktor didn't like it.
Her two brothers entered the gym with Ivan in the lead.
“Vik where is Cyra, her phone is going straight to voicemail?” the oldest of the two spoke first.
Viktor stopped and turned towards the men, not sure what to say. The oldest, Trey, was a military veteran, now working in private security and he looked like it. He was big, not as big as Viktor but enough so that it would be a fight.
“She left him.” Ivan said, lying.
“Bullshit, because if she did, she would have come to us.”
“Yeah what's up drago?” The younger brother, Malik asked. Like his sister he chose college over the military, getting a graduate degree in microbiology.
“She left me.” it pained him to say it, even if it wasn't true, because Cyra and Kazi were his world and he would never be able to function without them.
“Why?”
They were not backing down, whatever lie he told them, he knew they wouldn't believe it.
“Cheating, I was fucking a groupie.” he sighed, dropping his head.
“Where did she go?” Malik asked.
“She didn't tell me.”
“So let me get this straight, your wife and son leave you and the first thing you do is hop your ass on tv to talk about a fight?”
Trey, never one to shy from a fight, got right in Viktor's face, “You are lying and I swear if anything happens to my sister and nephew I will gut your big ass and your dad. If I don't hear from here in 24 hours I will be back.”
Ivan stood with his arms folded, “You threats mean nothing, she is an american woman, they come and go as they please.”
Trey turned to the older man, “You keep my sister name out your fucking mouth, you think I dont know about you bitch.” Trey lodges a wad of spit at the man's shoes, “I don't have any respect for you, if anything happens to my sister I will make sure you watch your son die slowly.”
They left, leaving the two Drago men together.
“This is all your fault the least you can do is not act like she isn't in danger.” Viktor started to walk away.
“Where are you going, get back to training.”
Viktor spit at his feet, adding to the pile already there.
-----------
Cyra was sitting next to the door, listening as she could faintly hear the phone conversation between Andriy and Viktor. She longed to hear his voice in person. She moved away when she heard footsteps coming down the hallway. Kazi was thankfully sleeping, they let him out this morning to play.
“Come.” came a rough voice.
Cyra got up and followed the men to the kitchen, on the table was her phone, the call still in progress.
“Talk.” Andryi said.
“Hey babe.” she said.
“You and Kazi okay?”
“Yes. How are you vik?”
“Fine. They are going to let you call your brothers, they came looking for you today, I told them you left me, that I cheated, I need you to tell them the same thing.”
“Ok babe. I love you.”
“I love you too Cyra, tell Kazi tata miss and love him.”
The call ended.
“Now, you are going to tell your brothers exactly what I tell you, I don't think I need to make any threats, you already know what will happen.”
They called Trey first, he picked up on the second ring.
“Cyra?”
“Hey Trey.” she tried to make her voice light and airy, Trey could pick up on anything.
“Don't hey Trey me, what the hell is going on. Vik says you left him because he cheated, but you don't call or answer your phone for 5 days. I go by the house and Ivan is there, what in the hell is going on?”
“Sounds about right, he was fucking some girl, I found out, I took Kazi and left, I didnt know what to do. I felt like shit.”
“Nah man this shit aint adding up. Why would you feel like shit because he fucked up, why would you think you couldn't call me or Malik? Where is Kazi? I don't even hear him.”
“He is sleeping.”
“At 2:30? “
“Yes Trey Damm, I don't need the 3rd degree from you shit I got enough going on.”
‘Let me speak to Kazi.”
“He is sleeping Trey, I just said that.”
“I dont give a fuck Cy, something aint right, this shit dont sit well with me and I am starting to get agitated. I will out ya husband so fucking quick so dont play with me.”
Cyra looked around the room, it was clear Andriy didn't like being told what to do, he didn't like that Trey was running shit, but he nodded his head.
“Damm give me a moment.'' The phone was put on mute, she could hear Trey talking to himself about how something just wasn't right, how Viktor barely looked at other women, so how did he cheat.
They took her into the room, she gently woke Kazi.
“Uncle Trey wants to talk to you, Kazi please don't say anything about the bad people.” Cyra cringed at calling them bad people with them in the room.
She unmute the phone, “Kazi Uncle Trey wants to talk to you.”
“What up big man?”
“Hi uncle trey.” he sounded sleepy.
“Where are you at bud, we need to hangout.”
“I’m with Mama.”
“How was school?”
“Fine.” Cyra was coaching him to lie and she hated it.
“When is your next soccer match man, I need to come cheer you on.”
“I dont know.”
“Let me know okay bud, you have dinner?”
This was a trick question, it was barely 3pm.
“No, I had nuggets for lunch.”
“What is mama cooking for dinner?”
“I don't know, she doesn't cook.”
Fuck Cyra thought, taking the phone.
“Are you done Trey, I gotta go.”
“Aight Imma let you go but I need to hear from you tomorrow or in a day or so. Stop ghosting me, and Imma beat Viktor big ass just because.”
“Bye Trey.” she quickly hung up, handing them the phone.
“Come.” she was yanked off the bed and Kazi started crying.
Back in the kitchen she was made to sit.
“Now we have a problem, everything was fine. Why didn't you tell us you had brothers?”
“I just assumed you did your homework, plus you never asked.”
A hand was slapped on the table, making her jump.
“This isnt a game, if they fuck up what we have going I will not hesitate to kill you and your son and be back on the next play to the Ukraine.”
They pushed Cyra back into the room with her son, she found Kazi curled up on the side of the bed on the floor crying. They were all from Ukraine, did they know Viktor from before.
#Viktor Drago#viktor drago x cyra#viktor drago x black woman#smuttywriter#smutty writer#black writers#florian muneanu
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Do you have any hcs for Magnus taking ppl to pride for the first time? I kinda feel like he’d act as a guide for others, making sure everyone feels safe and happy during their first time. Like, I can picture him bringing daylighter Raphael out for the first time, showing Meliorn around (bc even though they’ve been around for a while, the Seelies don’t really do human stuff) and holding Alec’s hand while he looks around in amazement.
well surprise surprise this got very long. bet y’all never saw that coming
ok so i particularly love this ask because like, the idea of meliorn going to pride for the first time is a riot and i adore it
like seelie society has developed completely independently from mundane society in every way, hell, it existed before humans did. so there's absolutely no reason whatsoever to believe that their culture even has the concepts of gender of sexuality, and believing that it would be the same as modern western ones is just straight up anachronistic tbh
so like personally i hc that seelie society has no gender (and therefore no concept of sexuality in the way that we see it), so the idea of pride- doesn't even make sense to them, cuz there's no concept of these identities, much less a history of oppression that would bring forward the need to celebrate their resistance like there currently is
so meliorn would want to go just to like, see what that's like and what's it all about. and the whole time they're just following Magnus around and like, taking notes. hm, interesting, what is this trans thing again? ah yes, people who dont think their personality matches the one mundanes believe would be brought by their genitals. hm. fascinating. and Magnus is just like, laughing loudly and it's the best pride he's ever been to, because he knows how ridiculous queerphobia and cishetnormativity are, but meliorn can make that so clear in their words in a way thats just, like, fantastic to hear, you know? and they dont even mean to, but it's great all the same
plus meliorn actually does feel good because a lot of people look at them and smile broadly or even wave, especially younger people who are just like, in awe of them and Magnus, who are so unapologetically gnc and indisputably beautiful, and looking at them is just like, inspiring, you know? and Meliorn has never felt this admired and appreciated and they dont even fully understand why, they're just walking around in their usual clothing and leaf makeup and everyone is just like, in love with them. and it's nice. they can tell there's an edge of sadness to the whole thing, like how their normal everyday existence seems to be so shocking and refreshing for these people, but mostly they feel good about it
later they bring their findings to the other seelies - you know, the ones who dont usually leave the realm and are way less familiar with mundane culture(s) than they are - and the others are like. shut up. there's no way this is real. the shape of their genital defines what wavelength they are supposed to find appealing? this makes no sense. and meliorn's like "idk what to tell u buddy i literally physically can't lie" and they're like surely this is an elaborate prank
but anyway it's fun and nice and they enjoy it greatly and ask Magnus a lot of questions, and Magnus loves going with them more than anyone else because its just so fun and the way this is completely unnatural to them feels refreshing - Magnus doesnt have to explain why he feels the way he feels, for once, but rather he has to explain why people dont get that, and thats a good change tbh
okay onto other ppl im sorry for this tangent djdndjdndk RAPHAEL YES. god i just. okay i love the mental image of Magnus taking Raphael to pride aaaaaaaa
like okay first of all so many layeRS to make this emotional, okay. the fact that he's now a daylighter and can enjoy being out in the sun, the fact that this is a bright costumed parade and it kinda reminds him of the día de los muertos parade and makes him feel at home, the fact that he gets to celebrate and meet other ace ppl - just, so many good things going on here dundidmdi
and Raphael was kinda unsure about going because 1- pride can get pretty sexual at times, and while he gets it and doesn't mind other people's business, he doesn't want to be hit on or participate in that; 2- big crowd makes senses go craycray and it can get very overwhelming and he's scared of overload, plus it's just not his scene in general with huge parties and such. but a part of him does want to go and he's torn, so of course Magnus is immediately like "oh dear, don't worry, i can take you, i'll make sure it's good" and Raphael is like okay
so Magnus takes him and it's :') nice, because as always he’s just so attentive. disclosure i’ve only ever been to the São Paulo pride so i’m gonna go with how it works in here but im assuming it’s not that different in like, other places. also São Paulo currently has the biggest pride parade in the world along with NYC so you know, i think it’s influential at the very least
anyway so he finds a section that’s led by ace pride groups, one that’s considerably small (in number of ppl) and spacious, and it’s. nice. very nice. magnus makes it a point to paint the ace pride colors on raphael’s face (we deserve raphael in makeup tbh) and raphael is all like “it’s fine, it’s not like i’ll want to draw a lot of attention” (like he isn’t wearing the ace flag colors already) and magnus is like hush, let me have this, i want my boy to have a good pride experience. so raphael lets him and hides his smile and lets him, and it’s. cute okay
also idk why but i have the mental image of raphael seeing some other latino guy with some sign like. “i’m not your fetish” or something of the sort, and kind of tearing up because his whole life he’s been seen as this kind of sexual fantasy that couldn’t not be about sex, much less not be interested in it, and he feels seen. and it’s nice, okay
and as promised it’s not too overwhelming in matters of like people, tactile issues and such (there’s little magnus can do about the noise other than spell raphael to decrease his sensitivity so he doesn’t get overwhelmed, which is not ideal because it makes communication a bit harder between them, but he does it anyway if raphael asks him to), and if raphael gets tired, they can always turn into a corner and take a portal back home and cuddle the post-crowd jitteriness away. so it’s a success. and raphael hugs magnus later and thanks him and says that it was so great, that he’s missed this, the energy and the colors and the sun, and he never thought he’d get to have it again, and he did thanks to magnus. and magnus hugs him back and tells him “anything for you, my boy,” and it’s the sweetest thing okay im emo
also okay this still falls under Raphael and Meliorn but the POLYCULE okay, or at least saiaphaeliorn. like sign me the fuck up for the 4 of them together at pride, meliorn and magnus helping make some cute pride-themed makeup on the other 3, just aaaaaaaaa. maia looking absolutely gorgeous with her face framed in the bright bi colors, maybe a sunny dress with the trans flag colors? just because i think she’d look so cute in like, a mostly white dress with baby pink and blue details, okay. simon just paints the pan flag on his cheek but it’s still vibrant and cute and it suits him. and ghhghghghg meliorn delicately painting raphael’s face with colorful glitter..... effervescent, okay. just beautiful
and they get to hold hands in public and laugh and crack jokes and simon loves the music and the festival and raphael smiles fondly at him and maia singing along (him and meliorn definitely don’t know what the fuck they’re singing, but it’s okay because they’re clearly happy and that makes the two of them happy too) and just duahsdiahdaiuha soft okay. also they all get to experience meliorn’s takes on the whole thing and it’s fantastic and as usual meliorn gets raphael to laugh until he almost cries, and simon smiles brightly at the sight and gives meliorn a peck for their efforts, and just aaaaaaaa
in short they’re SOFT and i’m SOFT. and look yes i know that usually parades esp big ones are super crowded (lord knows the SP pride parade is an experience) but if in SP with 5 million ppl parading i could find sections with less people where you had enough space to walk holding hands and hear each other and not be overwhelmed, then i’m sure they can too, especially with magic and powers at their disposal. so i’m going to have this
also like. as much fun as this is for magnus (and it definitely is, it’s very nice to get to enjoy to be himself openly, and to bring kids there for their first time, and you know), it’s also bittersweet because like. he was there at stonewall, he was there for the first pride, you know? and apart from the obvious part where he lost so many friends who were there, there’s just. the very bad memories of the riots, because as important as they are and as much as he obviously doesn’t regret them, riots are hard, they are the language of the oppressed. he’s had to magically protect people from being shot by the police, he’s had to withstand trial by the Clave for using magic to shield the people from the tear gas and risking being seen, he’s had to save a lot of lives and he’s failed at it sometimes, too (i’ll always hc that he’s the reason neither Marsha nor Sylvia died during the riots and you can pry that away from my cold, dead hands). and he’s also seen it be whitewashed and lose some of its resistance and meaning, he’s seen Sylvia be booed at a later march when she spoke against imprisonment, and he’s seen so much be lost
and in that sense going to pride with alec later on might be his favorite, because it’s not like, a first time where he’s trying to get everyone to have the most fun they can and shit, you know? plus alec loves watching more than he does participating, he feels way too exposed in the crowded streets with so many openings and whatnot. but watching from a rooftop, where he has the best view, can still hear the sounds and enjoy the colors and the beauty of it from a distance? that’s perfect for him, and it’s a different experience
and magnus sits by his side as they watch, hand in hand, and reminisces about everything that he’s experienced after so many years, all the changes he’s seen, how he feels pride but he also feels loss and he feels old, and he fears what happens if pride’s history is forgotten, you know? and alec listens to him, listens to his version of this story, playing with magnus’ fingers and just enjoying the sound of his voice and the sight. and it’s nice. alec is always super attentive and enjoys hearing him talk and magnus can get lost in his memories unapologetically, you know? and it’s good
but that’s later on, of course, when they’ve already attended plenty together. for alec’s first pride he probably wants it to be like, perfect, so much so that alec has to tell him to slow down again, because of course magnus wants alec to have The Full Pride Experience, but alec would rather soak it up slowly than participate in a lot of stuff, anyway. magnus paints the rainbow flag on his cheek (one of the only occasions alec lets magnus put glitter on him, then promptly complains for the next three months because i swear that stuff is still on my skin, magnus, the other day i found some on my shoes! and magnus laughs at his antics as always and alec is forced to laugh too and can’t even be mad) and they kind of stay more by the end, and alec is kind of smiling in disbelief to himself the whole time as he watches all the colors and the unapologetic way people express their pride, and magnus can’t stop looking at him and grinning, too. and they walk hand in hand and it’s cute
(later, magnus says, see, mundane culture isn’t so bad, is it? and alec looks at him with a way more serious look, full of joy and happiness, and says, no, it isn’t. and kisses him and thanks him for everything, and it’s sweet)
also I'm soft thinking about Magnus reminiscing about planning the first pride along with "his dear friend Brenda" to Alec and/or Raphael, them putting their arms around his shoulder as he tells them the softer stories, too, the good things they did
small bonus: Magnus plays 2 truths and a lie with Simon regarding his memories of past prides, and Simon gets it wrong every time and is all wide eyed by the end, which makes both Magnus and Raphael laugh :)
#ask#anonymous#sh#shadowhunters#magnus bane#malec#The Polycule™#saiaphaeliorn#simon lewis#maia roberts#raphael santiago#meliorn#alec lightwood#brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them
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Hey I've read a lot of your posts, where Magnus is a trans boy and I like that a lot, but I was wondering if you don't like the canon cis male Magnus? I'd ask you non-anonymously too, but I'm honestly scared of some people's hate messages for a question like this... sorry
long answer long answer lmao
hmgmgmnggg ok so i, hm. ok, i don’t think this was meant in a rude way at all, and i promise im in Education(TM) mode not Kill The Malicious Evil Transphobe(TM) mode like im not, accusing you of anything here, at all
but i do have a few Issues with like, the way this was asked i guess
i will answer your question just--give me a sec, im a little uncomfortable here
also like, ok, i get why you’re sending it anonymously, it’s cool--personally i’ve never seen anyone get hate on behalf of trans magnus headcanons (rather than against them) but i mean, hate can come in all shapes and sizes i guess? and anxiety, so. whatever, it’s fine, i get it
but anyway moving on: first, “canon” cis magnus. my dude... my guy... did at any point magnus say I Am Cisgender or pull out his dick.... like... neither trans or cis magnus is really “canon” just as like, you know, izzy isn’t confirmed straight or bi or pan. we know she likes dudes and personally i think the way she looks at clary indicates she sure do like girls, too, but that doesn’t seem to have been intended so it’s debatable, and that’s basically it.
also, in the context of just like... historical shit, realistically magnus isn’t cis. is he trans in the way i write about (like afab, “pre op”)? no, not necessarily in canon (although he isn’t... not that either i guess--we do see his flat chest, no scars, but HYPOTHETICALLY that could be a glamour, or the scars are magically healed. we know he has an adams apple, but there ways to do that without magic, let alone with magic. so like. i’m just saying.)
but like, he wouldn’t be cis how we understand it either by the simple virtue of being much older than the western gender binary as we know it. even if he was born with a penis and all of that and identified as a Man(TM) And Nothing Else that wouldn’t mean his idea of masculinity/manhood would be the same as ours, or that it wouldn’t at least be shaped by very different factors. so like. even if my version of trans magnus isn’t confirmed canon, cis magnus certainly isn’t either i think. that might be slicing hairs or getting finnicky with language, but it’s how i feel about it.
and just assuming that he’s canonically cis rubs me the wrong way, like, characters aren’t cishet by default, you know? obviously the writers probably weren’t intending to make him trans, and cc certainly wasn’t when she stole his character from dark hunters and made it “her own”, or else there’d be a bunch of transphobic tropes in there, but like, you know, death of the authors, we make sense of canon now. intentions arguably don’t matter, we do with the story what we will, especially when working within it.
again i don’t think you were necessarily being like “well magnus is canonically cis so :/” but it rubs me the wrong way and is something i’ve seen before so like, yeah
secondly, “trans boy” magnus versus “cis male” magnus. why boy, anon. why boy
(god why does “why boy” sound like a bizarre t-shirt slogan or a mbmbam segment--NO, BRAIN. WE ARE ON SERIOUS BUSINESS.)
but seriously tho like the sort of infantilization of trans men is really a thing (seeing them as “soft bois” and “uwu cute boys” and feminine/soft/small/delicate) and like, specifically calling magnus a trans boy versus when he’s cis he’s a “male” (which technically can refer to any age but has those like, Connotations) sits wrong with me. like, magnus isn’t a boy, you know? i mean i get making jokes like “aw my boys <3″ or whatever, but with this it’s not that say memey context AND specifically it concerns a trans man (not to mention him being asian) so like, it feels, yikes? like just. he isn’t a “trans boy”
im sorry i realize it seems like im just like harshly picking apart your answer and i really dont mean to sound like a bitch here but like, again. Education(TM) mode not Anon Hate(TM) mode. just for learning, it’s cool, i’m not angry at you, it’s chill.
to answer your question with the yikes language gently nudged to the trash chute: do i dislike cis magnus?
simple answer: yes.
complicated answer: not really. i already stated why i don’t like Cis(TM) magnus as it feels unrealistic and dumb and also he just doesn’t have cis energy lmao, but if you just mean like... well this isn’t really “cis” but kind of what people mean in this context, AMAB magnus (meaning he was “assigned male at birth” aka has a penis and all that) and he’s canonically gnc so like, he’s “cis” even if his understanding of masculinity might be different than ours and obviously we’ve seen him be gnc and all that.... i don’t really hate that, and objectively, i have no issues with it, but personal taste wise, i basically only read/write trans magnus as you see on my blog now. because i’ve kind of absorbed it as “canon” in my head (fanon, i guess, lmao)
plus, just generally trans magnus is really important to me because like, a) he is #goals i too want to be a muscular gnc hottie, b) he’s relatable and i project all my shit onto him lmao, c) it just feels very validating, in a lot of ways--with the sexual preferences i write about, his insecurities, just the way he looks, and him being trans is just kind of reassuring, you know? also d) i honestly think it fits him/his character/his backstory and he just has the vibes u kno
so basically, Cis(TM) magnus? no-go. cis magnus as in AMAB/identifies as a man full stop even if it’s wibbly wobbly compared to current times and lbr no one is going to really explore that much beyond him being outwardly gnc sometimes? fine, whatever. trans afab magnus still being gnc as hell? yessssssss
ldkgjfgh anyway im glad you like my posts!!! and hopefully ive Inducted Another Into The Trans Magnus Cult (thats a joke, but seriously, im just like,,,,,maam do u have time for ur lord and savior trans magnus?? maam blease)
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this past year my mental health been going down the drain, im sad constantly,i starved myself for 3 months last year without anyone ever finding out (im ok now, or at least getting better) and no one knows about any of it. and i know if i told anyone they would tell me to get help, but im scared. i dont want people to know about my mental health spiraling out of control. today the smallest thing just kinda finally broke me today. i was home alone and i went to get a spoon and im not sure why but
for some reason it just broke me. i broke down. and had a zoom meet w/ a teacher 30 min from then so i had to pull it together and pretend like it was ok. ive been pretending so much that i get scared everytime someone asls me if im ok. i alsways think was i not smiling enough. on top of it even though ive stoped starving myself i still weigh myself daily and hate my body. im also just tired of dealing with shitty "friends" people who are oxic, people who have me up all night thinking of our arguments. i havnt had a good nights sleep in weeks. i just dont know how to trust anyone anymore. im a mess and im scared for people to find out about my mental health, oh and im a lesbian and my family doesn't know so thats a fucking nightmare. they would be fine with it but my mom would tell everyone so im scared to tell her. i have no one to talk to. only one person knows a little bit about my mental health. only the toxic people she knows about. im scared if i tell her to much she'll worry and try to get me help. and i know i need it but i dont want people to know. i always told myself once i get to college ill get a therapist and i won't have to tell anyone. i just need advice, please
it’s like being stuck between a rock and a hard place I suppose, both options in front of you suck and you don’t like either of them )-: on one hand we have the rocky hard option of getting help, but that option might make your skin crawl because you feel so anxious and on edge? but the other option is to keep quiet and not say anything, and you feel just as shitty and miserable. I get the dilemma, I really really do.
however...as someone who cares about your health and your mental well-being, as someone who’s removed from the situation and has a different (and maybe slightly more objective) perspective on things? my best suggestion, is to start talking about things and to get help. why should you wait until college for a therapist? 0: that’s a serious genuine question, what is the benefit of waiting? why make a choice to spend more time than necessary being in such a dark, lonely and isolating place?
I can’t even begin to imagine how mentally exhausted and drained you are at the moment, what you’re having to deal with (the disordered eating thoughts, the fear around being lgbtqia, the lack of sleep, being constantly sad and feeling like you have to fake it) isn’t something that anyone should have to try and navigate alone.
if you don’t want to tell anyone that you’re lesbian? then you most certainly don’t have to at all, that information is yours and it’s not harming anyone if you keep quiet. when you choose to come out is 100% up to you, don’t feel bad if you have to “hide” that from certain people, your sexuality is your business and no-one else’s.
everything else though, the sadness and the self esteem and disordered eating thoughts and the lack of sleep as a result of toxic friends? that’s definitely something to talk to someone about, that’s worth seeking help about. it’s not going to be easy!! I won’t lie, it is going to feel intimidating and you probs are going to feel naked and vulnerable at times, but it’s fucking worth it. once you move past feeling vulnerable, you feel such a sense of relief at getting it off your chest! honesty + communication are your friends, not enemies. you could even write a rough draft and send it to us if you like, before you talk to someone? we’d be happy to give our thoughts if that’s something that could help you feel more confident about what you’ve written.
if you like you can talk to your mum then go for it, or maybe this other friend who knows a bit about what you’re dealing with at the moment? but if not then there’s lots of other options, this post on the blog has more info on that. also? start to distance yourself from ‘friends’ who aren’t healthy and good for you anymore. you might not be able to choose your family, but you can choose your friends! and if these ‘friends’ make you feel negative and sad and upset, if they don’t listen to you or value you or show that they like being around you and appreciate you? then they’re not really worth having as friends anymore. they’re not exactly fundamentally terrible people, just not the right people to have in your life now.
start making yourself a priority, put yourself and your wellbeing and your mental health first! if you’ve got shit friends then stop talking to them and involving them in your life, focus your energy on getting a good nights sleep (more on that here), make lots of time to take care of you. a problem shared is a problem halved, if people know then people can help you and that’s a good thing. keep me updated on things lovely, all the best <3
- tash
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