#ok it's terrible but could you imagine an au for a sec?????

[ophelisae]

Wait...

This sounds familiar....

...

...I think I hate myself for this.

[inlovewithmob-tom]

Tainted Love (Ver. 2) - Prologue

Pairing: Mob!Tom x OC Reader AU

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of sex, fluff

A/N: This if my first Mob!Tom AU and I just hope you folks like it and I’ll be updating really soon. Anyways I hope you enjoy it!

Credit to: @thewiseandfree my lovely partner in crime that inspired me to make this series and who made the awesome moodboard to go with it. Love you Leah! Couldn’t do this without you.

———————————————————————————————————

Selene’s P.O.V.

‘Why did I have to fall in love with him? Why him out of every person I could have fallen in love with? All he did was lie to me and hid secrets from me. I just can’t believe I fell for his tricks again. The constant sorry’s about hurting me, what were they even for? He told me we were gonna be ok but that was before everything changed. Nothing ever went back to normal between us the moment we made it to the point of no return. I should’ve never fallen in love with him in the first place…’

———————————————————————————————————

The shrill sound of Selene’s phone rings through her bedroom echoing as she lies in her bed asleep. After multiple times of it going off, she finally answers it. “Hello?” Selene answers groggily as she’s half awake. “Hey love, are we still meeting up for brunch today? I just wanted to check and make sure we are still on for that.” Tom’s chuckles with his sweet voice that flows through the phone into her ear gently. Selene immediately shoots up in surprise as she realizes she had forgotten about having brunch with him today. “Yes we are most definitely meeting. I will see you shortly!” Selene exclaims then hangs up frantically and goes to brush her teeth quickly. “Shit, I’m running late!” Selene curses as she rinses her mouth out then bolts out of her apartment through her front door not thinking clearly as she’s half asleep and half dressed only to realize after checking her phone that she was two hours early. “Motherfucking son of a bitch!” Selene exclaims in frustration groaning as she realizes both that it’s too early in the morning for this and she accidentally locked herself out. She looks down at herself seeing she’s only in her extra extra large t-shirt nightgown causing her to facepalm herself. “Fuckin’ hell. Goddamnit Selene! You really are in deep shit this time.” Selene then bangs her head repeatedly on her door then turns to her right wondering if her next door neighbour/close friend Jamie is home.

Selene slowly removes herself from her door and goes to Jamie’s door and knocks on it repeatedly then waits for him to open it. Within a few moments, Jamie swings open the door shirtless in flannel pajama bottoms. Jamie immediately chuckles to himself as he sees the state Selene is in. “Hey Jamie, do you still have my key to my apartment by any chance for when you house sit as well pet sit?” Selene inquires as looks at him in a questioning manner. “Yeah. I’ll get it, hold on a sec.” Jamie nods sleepily then goes back inside and gets his key then comes back out to open up her door. Jamie then opens Selene’s door for her and she smiles sheepishly at the ground. “Thanks Jamie. I owe you one. Name anything and I’ll get it for you.” Selene tells Jamie as she leans against her doorway and smiles at him brightly. “You would do the same for me so no problem.” Jamie smiles and chuckles to himself. “Well I have to repay you sometime.” Selene states with stubbornness with a shrug and sleepy smile after she yawns. “Tea would be nice actually.” Jamie suggests with a smile and Selene nods with a smile as she lets him into her apartment then makes her way into the kitchen.

“Is English Breakfast fine? That’s all I have at the moment.” Selene asks as she goes into her pantry and pulls out the tea. “That’s fine with me love.” Jamie smiles as he takes a seat at the bar in front of Selene. Selene then starts to make the tea quietly and smiles over at Jamie. “So Jamie my dear, how was last night for you?” Selene asks with a smirk and leans against the counter facing Jamie. “What do you mean?” Jamie tilts his head curiously while looking at Selene. “Don’t play dumb love. I heard all of what happened last night between you and the redhead. These walls are paper thin.” Selene tells him with a smirk and Jamie’s eyes widen as the red in his skin starts to creep into his face. “Well if you would absolutely love to know, we had an amazing night last night.” Jamie quips back with a smirk and wiggling his eyebrows up and down. Selene just rolls her eyes and continues to drink her tea quietly. “Is this the girl you’ve been seeing?” Selene questions out of curiosity as she comes to sit by Jamie on a bar stool. “This is the girl I’ve been seeing for the past five years actually.” Jamie smiles to himself and nods looking at you.

“W-wait so it was her the whole time? Are you serious? Why didn’t you tell me anything Jamie, you’re supposed to be my best friend.” Selene exclaims in shock as she stares at Jamie. “I know and I’m terribly sorry for not telling you love. I just wanted to know for sure that she was truly the one.” Jamie explains with a small smile. “Now I feel horrible. You’re such a wonderful person Jamie. Now what’s her name?” Selene inquires with a sweet smile as she looks at Jamie curiously. “Her name is Wendy. She works at that cafe you love, Wide Awake Cafe. She’s the main barista there.” Jamie tells Selene and her eyes immediately light up. “Oh my god how could I have not realize that! No wonder! And she would always ask me how you and I were when we would hang out together. She’s incredibly sweet love. I’m so glad she’s your girlfriend.” Selene hugs Jamie tight with a smile then looks at him. “Why thank you Selene, now if you’ll excuse me I need to get back to my girlfriend. I promised to make her breakfast in bed and she’s still asleep so I gotta go.” Jamie downs his tea then kisses Selene’s head gently as he gets up. “Run along Jamie! And make sure to tell Wendy I say hello.” Selene smiles happily at Jamie as he nods in response with a smile then closes the door behind him.

Selene smiles to herself as finishes her cup of tea then slowly makes her way to her bedroom to figure out what she’s going to wear for brunch. As she’s going through her closet her phone rings again and sees that it’s Tom. “Hello Tom.” Selene chirps into the phone cheerfully as she looks at her collection of dresses that she can possibly wear. “Hey love, so for brunch shall I make reservations at our usual place or do you wanna try that new place you’ve been looking at?” Tom inquires curiously. “Hmmmm well Luna’s is an all time favourite of ours and is known for their brunch whereas Blooming Lotus seems really more of like a dinner type of place so I’m just gonna say stick with Luna’s.” Selene tells Tom as she walks over to one of her all time favourite jumpsuits (which is a strapless striped jumpsuit with cropped legs) and takes it off the hanger happily. “I knew you were going to say so thank god I made the reservations for Luna.” Tom laughs softly into the phone while Luna grabs a pair of black t-strapped dorsay flats to match and sets them on her bed. “Ok love sounds great.” Selene tells Tom happily as she makes her way into the bathroom and starts turning on the water for her shower. “I just have to make one quick stop then I’m on my way.” Tom chirps joyfully causing Selene to smile to herself. “Ok love and if you get her before I’m done just let yourself in. I’ll see you soon. By love.” Selene then ends the call as she starts stripping down all of her clothes and gets into the shower.

As she’s inside scrubbing her body and hair, she starts to think about Tom. His beautiful smile. His adoring brown eyes and lusciously soft curls. Just thinking about Tom in general made Selene weak at the knees but she never let that get in the way of their friendship. As time goes by, Selene shakes off her thoughts about Tom and starts singing softly in the shower as she rinses her body and her hair. While in the middle of singing passionately of Dreams by Fleetwood Mac, a pair of hands grab her, causing her to scream out in horror in only to the delight of Tom himself. “You fucking asshole Tom! What did I tell you about this?!” Selene screams at him as she wraps her her body with a towel after turning off the water. “God you make this too easy Sel.” Tom shakes his head in laughter as he holds his stomach. “I’ve kicked your ass once I’ll do it again. Now please let me get dressed.” Selene groans as she goes into the bedroom wrapping her hair in a towel. “I don’t mind if you get dressed in front of me. It’s not like I haven’t seen your body before.” Tom smirks as he lays on Selene’s bed in front of her. “God Tom you’re such a perv.” Selene groans in frustration then sighs crossing her arms. “It’s not my fault I was made to be this way. Besides you love me.” Tom shrugs with a smirk. “Yeah I do. But I’m not gonna dress in front of you so save your sexual thoughts for some other time ‘cause it’s not gonna happen.” Selene sighs softly as she grabs her clothes from underneath him and smacks his chest with her hair towel and goes back into the bathroom locking it.

Tag list for Tainted Love: @thewiseandfree @hazhasmycoffee @lolpeterparker@fairydustparker @lilyholland @tommyholland2018 @superholland

#tom holland imagine

#tom x reader

#tom imagine

#tom holland x reader

#tom holland mobster blurb

#tom holland mobster

#tom holland au

#tom holland

#tom holland fanfiction

#tom holland fic

[joannalannister]

I just wanted to write down some of my Jon/Dany thoughts before I go to sleep. This isn’t in tracked tags, and I’m sorry I can’t help it about search. I don’t wanna argue with people about this, ok?

(this is about the books, this is about ships I like, (this is about tywin), this is about asoiaf themes, please do not talk to me about that show)

ASOIAF, to me, is a celebration of humanity. It’s about “our great glory, and our great tragedy”. When Maester Aemon says to Jon, “We are only human, and the gods have fashioned us for love,” that seems to me to be one of the great themes of ASOIAF: love. What better way to celebrate humanity than love? Love is the greatest celebration of the human condition. 

So much of ASOIAF is about love. As @poorquentyn pointed out earlier today, even many of “ASOIAF’s top-tier villains [typically care deeply about someone else in their lives]; Tywin loved Joanna, Ramsay feels protective of his mother, Joff wanted Robert’s attention and respect, etc.” The importance of love is in Sansa’s “If I am ever queen, I’ll make them love me,” and it’s in Ned’s approach to ruling by developing a close personal relationship with the people he rules, and it’s in Cat’s heartwrenching “Ned loves my hair” and it’s the driving force behind so many vengeance/justice narratives, and it’s in Tyrion, my poor baby, longing for love in spite of a society that tells him that no one could ever love him (because ableism). 

I’m not ultra invested in either Jon or Dany individually, but I’m super invested in ASOIAF on a thematic level. So it’s important to me that Jon/Dany fall in love. In my opinion, Jon and Dany falling in love is the biggest FUCK YOU they could ever give to the Others, the best way they could ever say not today, motherfuckers to the eldritch slavers trying to destroy humanity. I can already hear some people laughing at me, but it’s like ... Jon and Dany being in love, taking their love to the Other realm beyond the curtain of light ... it’s the best way for Jon and Dany to declare defiantly, “We’re human, we’re still alive, we’re “still breathing” as show!Jon says, and whatever you do, whether we live or die, we chose this love, we chose each other, and you can’t take this away from us.” 

GRRM weaves a lot of poetry into his writing, and when he wrote for BATB, he referenced Dylan Thomas:

Though lovers be lost love shall not; And death shall have no dominion.

Like, ok, some big shit’s going to go down beyond the curtain of light, some big OMFG shit that I have no idea about, shit that nobody but GRRM knows -- can the Others tap into Jon’s mind post death? what are the rules of the Other realm? can a person ever come back once they go there? -- but Jon/Dany being in love is like humanity’s ~secret weapon~ in the War for the Dawn, a love that can outlast death itself. So truly -- TRULY -- I think Jon and Dany need to be in love to fight the Others. The True Knights going behind enemy lines in the War for the Dawn need to be the ... the most vital**, the most ... the most human we can possibly send, people with a heart full to bursting with love, and a love of humanity so great they would willingly sacrifice themselves for it. 

**the irony of describing post-resurrection Jon “Technically A Zombie” Snow as “vital” is not lost on me, but GRRM likes irony. Black brothers as true knights, white-cloaked kingsguard as corrupt, etc, you get the picture. 

In AGOT, Benjen says,

"You are a boy of fourteen," Benjen said. "Not a man, not yet. Until you have known a woman, you cannot understand what you would be giving up." "I don't care about that!" Jon said hotly. "You might, if you knew what it meant," Benjen said. "If you knew what the oath would cost you, you might be less eager to pay the price, son." Jon felt anger rise inside him. "I'm not your son!" Benjen Stark stood up. "More's the pity." He put a hand on Jon's shoulder.  "Come back to me after you've fathered a few bastards of your own, and we'll see how you feel."

and this idea of Benjen’s that life is worth living is kind of summed up to Jon when Ygritte says, “And if we die, we die. All men must die, Jon Snow. But first we'll live." 

Because Jon was so in love with Ygritte. He loved her, and that’s why GRRM made it hurt when she died. (And I like my ASOIAF to really hurt, so I like to imagine Ygritte was pregnant with Jon’s child when she died.) 

And the thing about “But first we’ll live” is that you have to keep living. That’s why it’s sooooo so important to me about Jon/Dany on a thematic level. More on that in a sec.

*~*~*

And I’m sorry but I can’t write an ASOIAF post without bringing in Tywin, because I love him. I love him, because he’s the perfect obverse of all of GRRM’s themes that I love. Tywin’s like a black hole among the stars, like negative space in the narrative. When studied, he increases my understanding of all the rest. (GRRM works a lot with negative space in the narrative imo.) 

With Tywin, it’s like he died. It’s like he lived and loved Joanna and then he died with her long ago,. But he keeps walking, like one of the Others’ reanimated wights, raised up to continue their agenda to dehumanize every person in Westeros. (I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, Tywin unwittingly works on behalf of the Enemy.) (Also, please nobody try to twist my words on me, Tywin was obviously a terrible person long before Joanna died, but he was exceptionally monstrous, even to his own children, after she died.)

People ask me relatively regularly, like, who do you think Tywin would marry in an AU after Joanna dies, and I’m always like 1. I don’t like AUs and 2. he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t remarry, and he definitely wouldn’t fall in love again, because that’s the Point of his character. He’s the negative space. Tywin’s the anti-celebration of humanity, he’s humanity’s sad, lonely, rainy funeral that no one attends. He doesn’t love, he doesn’t smile, he doesn’t eat much (read the descriptions in the books), he takes no joy in meat nor mead (oh gosh could I talk about GRRM’s Tuf Voyaging here), he doesn’t live in a book series that celebrates life. 

Tywin doesn’t even celebrate the life that he loved, Joanna’s life. There’s this moment in ASOS where Tyrion thinks about how his father p much never talks about his mother. Think about that. 

There was something I was reading recently, I can’t remember where, but it was about the parents of a child who had died, and it said something along the lines of, the worst thing you could do to them was to avoid talking about their child, to pretend as if the child had never existed. Because talking about their child, remembering their child, was how they kept him alive, how they kept loving him. 

But Tywin never wants to talk about his wife who was the great love of his life. Tywin never even says Joanna’s name in the books, never says her name in a book series that places so much importance on names and naming.*** He doesn’t want to breathe life into her memory, doesn’t want to love. If not for Tyrion’s presence as a constant reminder of everything he lost, I think Tywin would be content to pretend that Joanna hadn’t existed at all. (Ouch.) 

*** @nobodysuspectsthebutterfly, I really liked your theory (do we still call it a theory?) about how in the books Jon will be the first person to call Dany “Dany” out loud since Viserys. Just, ugh, the naming of people, and the intimacy, the connection created by saying a name, or the distance created by not saying one, ugh

*~*~*

OK anyways, that was more than a sec, sorry, I got carried away, but BACK TO JON SNOW. With Jon, to me, the narrative demands that he keep living, keep loving, keep finding love. A living love in Daenerys.

There’s this short story GRRM wrote a long time ago in Dreamsongs about a guy who has his heart broken, but he gets back up and loves again, only to have his heart broken again, and so on, until he gives up and concludes that love is a lie, and he decides never to look for love again, and he closes his heart, and that’s it, that’s the end. It’s a horror story.

And with Jon -- Jon isn’t that horror story, he’s not that guy who has One Love, and when that One Love dies, that’s it, that’s the end. Being human is to keep loving, and to keep looking for love even after your heart is broken. (And let me tell you, Jon is looking in ADWD; “lonely and lovely and lethal”. He’s searching, but not yet finding.) 

And I know that people call this cliche, but to me, GRRM plays with archetypes, so here he’s playing with the hero and heroine falling in love, and putting his own spin on it. (Fire wight romance!!! Think back to 1993 and ask yourself how many fire wight romances there were when ASOIAF was conceived!!! Cliche. heh.)

And I’m just ... my mouth is watering in anticipation of GRRM’s Jon/Dany romance in the books, because it’s like!! Technically a dead guy!! Technically a zombie!!! A dead guy resurrected by fire!! To fall in love with the bride of fire!!! A technically dead guy is gonna be representing GRRM’s greatest celebration of life!! This is almost as good as the psychedelic BATB spider falling in love in Dreamsongs!!! God!!! GOD!!!! PLEASE GEORGE, FINISH TWOW, I’M SO EXCITED FOR THIS

[greatmusingsmaybe]

To the Windows...

So like... Might as well start posting and crap. God, this is nerve-wracking. lol. But have some random, slightly porny drabbles/ ramblings that only connect because of a window. Or nudity. I had a point with this story thing once lol. I don’t think there’s anything too triggering in here besides like nudity, and like accidentally walking into scenarios but nothing too explicit. I don’t know. I’m sure someone will notice something I should have warned about but whatever. 

This is some Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes AUs going up in here. Nothing is really connected.

“Hey Buck!”

Bucky looked up as he heard the familiar voice of one of his best friends. He prepared the usual cocksure smile he wore for his best friend that didn’t show the nerves or feelings he had for his friend.

He felt the smile fall away he rested his eyes on Steve Grant Roger’s naked body leaning out of the window.

He normally wouldn’t think his friend was naked except he could see the tip of Steve’s unnaturally large cock peeking over the window sill. If most people looked up, they would not assume Steve was that large but Bucky had grown up seeing it. Bucky knew. Bucky knew that tiny frame was packing. And now he was proudly and unashamedly shaking it from the top window. Good God, if Bucky survived today.

“Why-“ He cleared his throat and shook his head. “Why don’t you get away from that window? You’re going to catch a cold.”

Steve rolled his eyes and leaned farther. “It’s summer and I’m healthy as an ox.” He blew a raspberry at his friend, uncaring that they were way too old to be doing that anymore.

Bucky rolled his eyes and grinned. Little shit. He ignored the flushed tip practically waving at him and told Steve, “Well then ox, why don’t you open the door for me?” He felt the grin disappear as the cock he was pointedly not looking at twitched as if to say, ‘you need to come upstairs to meet me.’ Good God.

Steve nodded. “Ok. Give me a sec and I will. He grinned as he pulled away from the window, shutting it after him.

If Bucky could get through today, he would have one spectacular imagine to get off to. The idea of that pretty pink tip disappearing into his mouth or—

Bucky looked around, hoping no one could see the erection he was sporting. He could handle hanging out with his friend. He could.

Steve really liked his new home. It was quaint and perfect for him. He had his own bedroom, a guest bedroom and even a separate space designated as a studio. It was a lovely house and he couldn’t wait to meet his new neighbors. A lot of them looked old and he really hoped they would like him.

He meets his first neighbor that afternoon. She’s a lovely older woman named Natalia with a great-niece name Natasha They’re both lovely woman and have invited Steve inside with little hesitation. They get along well and before he knows it, Steve has been hanging out with these ladies for more than three hours and it’s dark outside.

He blushes as he stands up. “I should be going. It’s been lovely meeting you.” He smiles as he starts to head to the door.

Natasha smiles as she follows him. “It has been good.” She giggles slightly was as she opened the door and waits for him. She looks out the door and frowns, clearly unsure which side Steve lives on. “Which house is yours?” She turns back to Steve with natural curiosity floating in her eyes.

Steve points to his house. “That one’s me.” He likes his little house.

Natasha whirls on him with a new gleam in her eyes. “You live there? Have you met your neighbor? Have you seen him?” Her eyes glow with a mischief that Steve isn’t sure he’s ready for.

Steve shakes his head. “No. You’re the first neighbor I’ve met all week.” What’s so exciting about his other neighbor.

Natasha practically cackles with laughter as she whirls inside to the side table holding a phone, a stack of paper and a few pens. She writes something down quickly and brings it back to him. “Alright. Tomorrow is Saturday so you’re probably going to meet him.” She grins wide. “Call me afterwards. I want to hear about your first encounter with him.” She gives him a wink before she hands him the paper and shoves him out of the house.

That was strange. Why would she be so concerned with his neighbor?

___---___

The next day Steve wakes up early and goes for a run. It’s a great day for a run and he’s feeling very energized. He comes back and hasn’t even showered yet when he hears something coming from his backyard. Steve wonders if this is his new neighbor.

Steve pushes his damp hair off his forehead and tries to straighten his sweaty clothes. Steve has lived here for a whole week and hasn’t seen hide nor hair of this strange man. He was going to see him today.

Steven opened his back door and stepped out, going straight for the fence.

“Howdy Neighbor!”

It was him! Steve grinned as he made it to the fence. He raised his arm in greeting with words on his lips but everything froze as he looked at the man who he shared a fence with.

The man was beautiful. Dark hair, light eyes, a jaw line that wouldn’t quit. Strong shoulders and strong arms that tapered into a trim waist that had muscle. And no pants.

None.

No. Pants.

The man smiled hugely until he caught sight of Steve. Then he looked the top part of Steve over thoroughly, taking in the sweaty hair, the tight workout shit and the strong shoulders that were contained within. The man’s dick took interest and perked up, lifting from its unerect state to fully erect in no time. The man looked startled for a moment before he looked down then back up a Steve. He shrugged slightly before a cocky grin settled on his mouth. “Sorry. Well not really.” He winked at Steve. “Feel free to come over for coffee and…” he blatantly checked out Steve’s shoulders again, “stuff anytime.” He winked at Steve and went back inside, shaking his ass slightly.

Steve felt his face flush and raced inside. He had to call Natasha.

___----____

“Why didn’t you warn me?!”

“Because I wanted to see what you would do!” Natasha laughed hysterically.

“He wasn’t wearing pants! No! pants!” Steve was slightly freaked.

“yeah, it’s a rule of his. He doesn’t wear pants in his house unless there’s people coming over. He’s really sweet about it though.”

“Natasha. He got hard because he looked at me.”

“Oh honey, I got hard looking at you.”

Steve hung up and tried to not think of his weird neighbors.

“Mr. Barnes!”

Bucky shook his head and stared out the window at the woman who was approaching the building he resided in. He bit his lip as the woman came closer. He didn’t want to make any weird noises.

“Can we talk about Michael for one second?”

No. We cannot talk about your terrible student son right now. Right now, I am busy. “Now’s not that great…”

“Oh please Mr. Barnes, we can talk like this! I promise I’ll only be a minute!”

“Yeah Mr. Barnes, she’ll only be a minute.”

Bucky glared over his shoulder at his partner, Steve. The little bastard was a jerk. He hissed at Steve, “Weren’t you in the middle of something?” He turned back to the parent. “Ok. What’s up?” Bucky caught himself as he was unceremoniously bent over the window sill and he could see the woman better.

She smiled up at him as she began telling him what was wrong with her son. “Well you see, you gave Michael an F on his project but I know for a fact he did it. I helped him-“

Bucky gasped, effectively cutting her off before he said, only a little shaky, “You did it. He didn’t do a part of it. I would have,” Bucky stopped speaking and clenched his eyes tightly for a second before continuing. “I would have given you an A but you’re not in my class.” He smiles a charming smile at her, hoping that was it.

It wasn’t. Of course it wasn’t. The woman blushed and moved her hair behind her ear shyly. “Oh well, Mr. Barnes.” She shook her head and looked back up at him, frowning as she saw his hand settled over his mouth and his eyes looked pinched. “Is there something wrong Mr. Barnes?”

Bucky shook his head adamantly before opening his mouth to say something. He froze instead and dropped his head down a deep groan escaping him. He shook his head and looked back up. His eyes were glazed and he was feverish and sweaty. “If your son can complete his project on his own, I’ll consider giving him a better grade than an F. And please,” Bucky gasped and slapped his hand on his mouth, looking as if he were going to be ill. He shook his head and dropped his hand. “And please, don’t do his work for him.” He placed his hand over his mouth again and leaned farther out the window.

The woman frowned. “ok. I’ll let him know.” She watched as Mr. Barnes started to shake slightly and he seemed to be having trouble breathing. “Mr. Barnes, are you sure you’re ok? I can call an ambulance-.”

“No!” Bucky shook his head. His breath was heavy and his eyes were glazed and his body seemed to shiver all over. “I’m fine. It was lovely-,” Bucky groaned loudly as his eyes rolled in his head.

Oh. Well. Alright. The woman smiled slightly. To be new to love. “Have a great evening Mr. Barnes.” She threw a wink at him before she continued on her way.

_----____

Bucky watched the woman walk away before he whirled on Steve. “Really?” His boyfriend was on his knees directly behind him with a proud grin on his face. He licked his lips as he was stared down by his irate boyfriend. “You really had to get into it when she showed up to talk?”

Steve smiled wider as he nodded exuberantly. “Yes.”

“Now everyone’s going to know I like to be rimmed by my boyfriend.”

“Not rimmed. Just…you have a healthy sex life.”

“I hate you.”

“I love you.”

“Get yourself off.”

Steve grabbed Bucky’s arm and dragged him down, easily pulling Bucky to the ground. Steve climbed over him easily. “I think not. I was getting way into eating you out and now I really want to enjoy the fruits of my labor. I think you do too.” He winked at Bucky as he spread Bucky’s legs.

Bucky sighed contently as he wrapped his arms around Steve. There was absolutely nothing wrong in Mr. Barnes’s life.

[robertdowneyjjr]

nursey the tech disaster and dex the apple support guy: an au

a conversation between me & @brandnewfashion

(interspersed with random hockey commentary)

kayytx

au where nursey keeps having IT trouble and every time he goes online to use that quick chat help service (bc he doesn't want to call. that's awkward af) he gets dex as the service guy

brandnewfashion

oooooh

nice!!!!!!!!!!!!

TELL ME MOER

kayytx

i'm trying to decide what products nursey's using that he keeps having issues lmao

i feel like fandom consensus states nursey is a mac guy?

brandnewfashion

yeah i can't see him not using them

kayytx

so basing off of my experience trying to update my software for FOUR HOURS at staying up until 3am bc of that shit ugh

the first time he has to contact apple support online he's trying to upgrade his OSX to the latest software, but it keeps stalling a quarter of the way through

so nursey borrows chowder's laptop to go on apple's website for support help and dex answers

and legit, that shit takes...four hours

brandnewfashion

lol i wouldn't know

sounds annoying tho

kayytx

it's supposed to be only half an hour but my laptop just decided to be a little shit

but anyway

in between dex telling nursey what to do, and nursey following instructions and waiting for his laptop to show some progress

they start chatting

bc nursey is bored and it's late at night and there's nothing else for him to do, especially since his computer isn't working

imagine nursey like, suddenly thinks of a few verses for a poem and types them in the chat bc he couldn't find anywhere else to write atm

and dex is like ??????

brandnewfashion

yesss

kayytx

YASSS HABS WIN

ok anyway

brandnewfashion

GOOD

kayytx

so that obvi leads to a convo where dex asks what nursey does and nursey talks about being an english major

and dex tells him about doing comp sci and working for apple part time

brandnewfashion

FINALLY THE FLAMES SCORED

and yes good i'm liking this au

kayytx

idk how many call locations there are in the US though so i'm trying to figure out where dex is based rn

like i'm kinda tempted to have him live in nyc

but i don't work for apple so idk how true this is

brandnewfashion

dude that'd be cool though? and nursey could be like "YO I'M FROM THERE" and dex, who just started school there, could be like "ok is there any place to get decent ____ bc i haven't found one yet"

kayytx

yeS EXACTLY

so nursey recommends some like hipster coffee places and one day dex remembers this convo and goes and at first he's like, what the FUCK this place serves out of mason jars NO

but he tries the coffee and he honestly thinks it's liquid cocaine so he keeps going back

brandnewfashion

lolllll

kayytx

anyway so like after three hours of chitchat and apple support nursey's computer finally boots properly and installs the update

so they say goodbye, it's been really fun talking to you, thanks for the help, etc. etc. and sign off

then three weeks later nursey's iphone spazzes out

and the nearest apple store is an hour away and he just doesn't have the time to go there, wait another hour for the genius bar to have an opening, and then go back to campus

so he goes online to apple support and clicks the chat option

and it's dex again

dex recognizes him from his apple ID, which usually never happens but bc they had such a good convo last time nursey left an impression

and so again in between helping out nursey he's just like, oh HEY i went to that place you told me about!

so nursey tells him about more places to visit

brandnewfashion

ok ben bishop is in net for the kings (no surprise) but he's wearing his lightning mask and it's really throwing me off

kayytx

god that's so weird

brandnewfashion

ANYWAY

what places does nursey tell him to go toooooo

how long does tihs go on before they get the opportunity to meet?????

kayytx

OKAY OK so

idk i think this happens like four or five times?

apple products arent THAT terrible lmao you can't have that many issues with your products

but nursey's a disaster so

he manages to fuck up something every few weeks

and like after the third time he enters the chat dex's coworkers recognize him also and they just pass him off to dex immediately hahaha

brandnewfashion

lmaooo

kayytx

oh FUCK stars tied the game

anyway

brandnewfashion

RUDE

kayytx

honestly after the fourth time nursey goes online with an issue about his ipad's storage issue or whatever dex is just really tempted to give nursey his number bc for the most part he's been able to solve his problems without referring to the resources at his desk

OH SHIT STARS IN THE LEAD

brandnewfashion

EXCUSE ME WHAT

FUCK U STARS

kayytx

UGH

anyway so yeah dex wants to give nursey his number and nursey wants to ask for it, but they both know the chats are monitored and that's just highly inappropriate and nursey doesn't want to get dex fired

so they both resist but like

it's kinda killing both of them

brandnewfashion

D:

kayytx

yeah like they're both p sure they're gonna die before they ever meet bc they're Dramatic af

BUT!! THIS IS FIC!!! and i love them and want them to be together so DO NOT DESPAIR

nursey goes back to nyc for winter break

and he doesn't want to be all cooped up at home with nothing to do

so he decides to go out, find some inspo, write a bit

AND THEN this suddenly becomes a coffee shop au

nursey goes to that mason jar hipster cafe to get some work done

but in the middle of writing his computer shuts down and he panics REALLY LOUDLY

and what??? dex is THERE???

brandnewfashion

LOL

AMAZING

HOW CONVENIENT

kayytx

R I G H T

he had the day off and was also there to work on some freelance coding projects he has on the side and in the middle of coding he hears this really loud person screaming at his laptop and he's like, what the FUCK

so he looks up and sees nursey doing SOMETHING with his computer. he's not even sure what

and in teh cafe there are like three other people with their laptops out, but dex is the closest and he looks the least busy (nursey is wrong. dex is the busiest, he just looked up at the wrong time and Eye Contact happened and now he's stuck)

so nursey goes over to him and he's like, "yo bro can i borrow your laptop to go on apple support and get some help"

bc that response is just like ingrained in him now. anytime something happens he just. goes on apple support

dex, being the lil shit he is, just goes, "have u tried turning ur computer off and on again"

brandnewfashion

HA

kayytx

nursey: it won't even turn ON dex: maybe its out of battery nursey: it's plugged in??? do u not see it????? dex: maybe your cord doesn't work

dex just. doesn't want to help

he does enough of that at work

brandnewfashion

lollll

kayytx

but nursey is really annoying and he figures the easiest way to get rid of him is to help him so he's like, ok fine i actually work at apple i'll help you

brandnewfashion

wow

the pens are gonna lose

to the STARS

kayytx

.....that's so depressing

brandnewfashion

they got too fucking cocky

ugh

kayytx

D:

brandnewfashion

anyway

dex helps him?

kayytx

dex helps him!

and meanwhile nursey's chattering on and on about how this is the first time someone's actually physically helped him with his laptop bc he never goes to the genius bar even though he probably should and he's terrible with technology and things always just die on him so he always has to get help from online support and it's kinda funny how he always gets the same guy who helps with his problems and it's actually kinda nice talking to him, and he kinda really likes him, but he doesn't think they'll ever meet bc why would that ever happen right? hey maybe dex would know him since they're both working for apple? but what are the chances?? surely there are thousands of people who work for apple

and like all this time dex has sorta just been tuning him out while he works on nursey's computer but he catches a few things here and there

and he's like

wait

rewind

dex: holy shit nursey: what? what is it, is my computer really dead this time? dex: you're derek nurse nursey: umm? yes?

and for a sec nursey thinks that he's just somehow become notorious within apple support center circles or something bc he's gone for help so many times

but then dex introduces himself and he's like OH HOLY SHIT

brandnewfashion

NICE

kayytx

and like sometime during nursey's little ramble he mentioned how he thought dex is funny and really nice and seems like someone he'd like to date and of COURSE dex totally heard all of that

dex: so. you think i'm funny. and you want to date me huh? nursey: ...well i mean maybe? dex: okay well just do you know just because we're both in a coffee shop right now declaring our feelings this ISN'T our first date okay bc i refuse to have our first date be one where i fix something for you again nursey: oh so YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME TOO?

brandnewfashion

HA

kayytx

dex: well yeah. i wanted to give you my number but i couldn't do that without a monitored chatroom nursey: i wanted to give you my number too! dex: well? technically? i have your number? because it's in our systems dex: but i didn't want to seem like a creep if i'd just randomly texted you

but anyway they finally exchange numbers like normal people and nursey Officially asks dex out on a date

but then internally he's struggling bc he basically already gave dex a list of all the best places in nyc and now he has nothing to impress dex with lmfao

brandnewfashion

HAHAHAHA

kayytx

they end up going to brooklyn for smorgasburg bc you cant really ever go wrong with that

wait jk that's seasonal so it wouldn't be open for winter break LMAO

brandnewfashion

oh gosh they're gonna become a disgustingly sweet long distance couple

kayytx

yeah nursey's fucked

YES THEY ARE

they're so gross honestly

brandnewfashion

they always have shit going on

there's ALWAYS something hapening haha

kayytx

and dex's coworkers notice that this dude hasn't been on the chat in a really long time??? and they kinda start feeling bad for dex bc they knew he had a bit of a crush on nursey lmao

brandnewfashion

ok but then dex has them all over to meet his "new boyfriend" and they all walk in on nursey screaming at his laptop and they're like "OH"

kayytx

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

and at this point dex is already at the fondly exasperated stage and he's like, jfc nurse you should just give up on technology altogether