#ok i have reacted to yours now react to mine /threat (/J)

[imjustaf444keriguess]

okay, im gonna react to each of these separately, if i miss any important details in any of the studies or sources feel free to correct me. also at times i use just DID to refer to traumagenic and disordered systemhood, but note that i count the OSDD1 presentations and any similar complex dissociative disorder with self-presentations / plurality the same as DID in this post.

the first one seems to talk about dissociation in general, and how it presents over many dissociative disorders. it mentions a "trauma model" and a "taxon model" vaguely, and then goes to talk about dissociative disorders exclusively after. this doesn't prove or disprove possible non-pathological forms of plurality and systemhood, and i can't tell if they're on the side of "it's solely dissociation" or if it's a "we believe there's two different kinds of dissociation" here

The Trauma Model posits that dissociation is a psychobiological state or trait that functions as a protective response to traumatic or overwhelming experiences.4 Dissociation is most commonly conceptualized as a continuum from normal to pathological, with states of intense absorption, like spacing out while driving and missing an exit at one end, and severe dissociative disorders like DID at the other. Research supports an alternative: the Taxon Model positing two continua: normal and pathological dissociation.5 The latter comprises a distinct group of highly traumatized individuals—about 3.5% of the general population—who endorse a specific cluster of symptoms consistent with severe dissociative psychopathology such as DID.

i mentioned in my other reblog a quote from the authors of the TOSD saying that non-disordered multiplicity and dissociation (like that with mediums and hypnosis) is potentially possible and needs to be studied, so just saying that there's a trauma model of dissociation is like... yeah? there's clearly non-pathological form of dissociation too, though. depends on what you're classifying as dissociation thugh (like, is reading a novel dissociation?)

the next one is from "thepsychpractice.com", which is not really a resource i'd trust to be truly unbiased. it's also about DID only, not proving non-traumagenic plurality impossible. we also know it's possible to create alters and to influence them, and alters can change their internalized identity. they, in a sense, CAN choose their name, age, gender, etc. it's just not something another alter can change for that alter.

the next one is also from DID-research, which, again, is about DID. nothing on that page says anything about how non-traumagenic systems and plurals can't exist, it's just some med students large-carrd at the end of the day (a good and generally informative page about DID still, but not directly a source to say "non-traumagenic systems don't exist).

i don't have time to focus and watch a tiktok, trying to focus on an auditory input right now would probably make my brain explode, but i bet that user has a decently good summary for DID systems. tiktok is not a source to disprove endogenic systems though. the existence of DID systems and trauma-formed systems are also not proof against endogenic systems and endogenic plurality.

another .com site that seems to be summarizing DID for the laymen like the psych practice. beachsideteen.com is probably not made by the cutting-edge scientists, i'd guess. it does seem to agree with most average people on its facts and is against fakeclaiming, somewhat, but again it's not really a source that's debunking endogenic plurality.

it also uses integration instead of final fusion in its wording, which many people would say is wrong (as integration is just connecting the parts, final fusion is the full merging of parts, and functional multiplicity is still being separate "selves" while lowering the dissociation barriers between parts.

also, with tiktok and other social media platforms, different alters can switch in and choose to create videos and such. while this is not the same as the "switching on camera" trend they mentioned specifically, it is similar where people fakeclaim others for switching to create a video together as a system- which is entirely possible because alters can front, they can communicate, and they can have interests outside of the trauma (and they SHOULD, since life is not JUST trauma and even traumagenic alters deserve to be silly and have fun). that's not entirely related to the topic at hand, but is important to note. alters are ,at their core, still people (or at LEAST parts of a person), they still have the ability to want to feel joy and have fun. sometimes, they want to use tiktok to be silly and have fun. i don't get it because i hate tiktok but thats due to me hating tiktok, not all shortform video content creation.

yet another .com site (traumadissociation.com) that only talks about DID. it DOES mention maladaptive daydreaming, but that's a separate (proposed) disorder, and doesn't really relate to endogenic plurality's validity or not. it's the same as mentioning BPD and its similarities to some DID experiences,

this one is ALSO a .com site but seems to actually show a study(? paper?) talking about DID and its presentation. while my simple skimming through doens't show anything that says "multiple 'sentient' self states is only possible through trauma, it does show a pretty good perspective on DID systems and why they might form. i'll read this one better later, but i don't think it's good evidence to disprove endogenic plurality itself (again, the existemce of traumagenic plurality and DID systemhood is not evidence against the idea that non-traumagenic plurality and non DID systemhood can exist)

and... that's it. a few resources on DID specifically, and only two are "valid" sources. and, as far as i can read, the sources don't say that endogenic plurality is not possible, they're just talking about DID and dissociation in a pathological sense.

("valid' here as in "could be a source that i'd read that would prove endogenic plurality and systemhood impossible," as most or even all of these sources are good for DID specifically, and some are good for singlets to read at a glance or for some newly-diagnosed DID systems to read to understand their experience better and give words to their experiences)

if i missed any specific points in the first and last links that do have direct statements against endogenic (non-disordered / trauma-based) plurality, do point them out as well. i am human and could have missed something!

whoever changed the endogenic wiki page just know i love you and ur the best

[heavenlydreamerblog]

In Too Deep

Hi everyone. Getting back the writing vibe and hope to post every Friday if possible. This follows on from Chapter 16 and Shannon’s post on Instagram! Keep giving me feedback on likes and dislikes. I’ll take all your comments on board. If anyone else wants tagging in future fiction, just drop me a message. And if I keep missing your tag (this does happen) let me know!

@letsbeautifuldisaster @llfd1977 @nikkitasevoli @letojokerownsme @wolfgirl624@beautorigin @jaredlxto @i-writeandread @darlingdiary87 @reikihealermary@msroxyblog @lifeonmars30 @myxtina @pixieriding @lostinletoland

Check out In Too Deep on my Wattpad account: 

https://www.wattpad.com/user/HeavenlyDreamerBlog

Chapter 17 

I froze in his arms, a dizzying feeling washing over me as he pulled me in ever closer, holding me tight to his chest. 

Instagram? What was he thinking? "Are you really sure this was a good idea Shan?" I pulled my head from his shoulder so we could at least have eye contact for this conversation. 

"You know you like your privacy. This'll blow that out of the water," I warned. "Let me see what you've posted." I made a grab for his phone but he held it out of my reach. "Shan! C'mon you must let me see... y'know it'll affect me as well as you," I pleaded, leaning across his body. He smiled, watching my arms stretching out towards his phone. His arm held me at bay. "Ask nicely and maybe ....," he teased. Then,  with a smile playing on his lips: "Or how about kiss me and I hand over my phone and the password." His eyes locked on my mine waiting for an answer. 

I let out a nervous laugh. "You drive a hard bargain Leto but you're forgetting something." I reached into my pocket for my phone. "I'm following you on Instagram Shan, remember?" I pulled away from him and keyed in my password, holding my breath. One click and Instagram popped up on my screen. I could feel my breathing slow and the dizziness return as I scrolled down the screen. And then ... there we were. The photo showed Shannon's eyes gazing into the camera with his arms wrapped around my back and his fingers splayed in my hair. You couldn't see my face and I hoped my white T-shirt was anonymous enough not to identify me. His words underneath read: ‘Guess what! Early birthday present’. 

I so desperately wanted to be mad with him but part of me melted when I saw his eyes in the photo. They were hooded and looking up into the camera lens, while his lips were buried in my hair. "It's a beautiful photo," I murmured, closing the distance between the two of us. "I love it ... I just wish maybe you'd asked me before posting." I stood on tiptoes and gently kissed the corner of his lips, running my fingers across his stubble. 

"And if I'd asked .... ?" He let the question hang in the air. "You would have said no Lexy. Anyway, I don't think anyone'll know it's you." 

But I knew this wasn't the problem we were now facing. "Shan this photo's gonna go viral and you know they'll stop at nothing to find out my identity. " I felt quite sick at the thought of the impending chaos that his post was likely to cause. "And you'll have the paparazzi on your back," I warned, rubbing my fingers across his calloused palms. "You're not making things easy for us," I sighed. 

"Look at me Lexy." He cupped my chin and raised my face to his. "You know how close I came to fucking up and losing you." I watched him search for the words to continue. "This is just my way, however crazy, of telling everyone that I'm happy with someone I care deeply about." 

He bit down on his bottom lip, looking for a response to his admission. Words weren't my strong point in these situations; instead I trailed my fingers across his neck until they tangled with his hair. "Give me space and time Shannon," I whispered. "Things .... they're complicated at the moment."   But as the words came out, I realised time was running out and that the space I needed would be hard to find. 

I could see the hurt in his eyes and it burned into me like a flame through snow. “Shan, there are things I need to sort out.” I looked at the doubt and hurt in his eyes and walked away, afraid to look back. “I’ll let myself out.” I unlocked the door and walked into the cool evening air. I felt a sob escape my lips, unable to forget the look in his eyes. How could I say the love word to Shannon when I’d allowed myself to be turned by his brother? 

 **************

I put my key in the lock and turned it, shoving open the door with my hip while balancing files in one hand and a bag of shopping in the other. 

I walked slowly, careful not to drop anything on my way into the kitchen. Jess was waiting, two glasses of red wine balanced perfectly in either hand as she watched me approach. I placed the files on the counter top and dropped the bag on the floor. I held my hand out and accepted the glass. “Thanks Jess,” I sighed, gesturing to our favourite sofa in the den. “Let’s sit down so I can think through everything.” I’d already called ahead, breaking my heart to Jess while explaining everything that had happened between myself and Shannon: the Instagram post, his feelings for me, the look of hurt on his face and me walking out on him. 

I grabbed a handful of cushions and placed them under my head, my feet on Jess’s lap. “Have you seen the Instagram post?” I asked, not sure if I wanted to hear the answer.

Jess paused and then nodded. “So what do you think? Will anyone recognise me?” Of course what I really wanted to ask was: Would Jared know it was me? 

She rubbed her hands over my feet, knowing it was a guaranteed stress reliever. “Do you want the honest truth?” I could feel  the air around me cooling, reaching out and curling its way into my veins.

“Just tell me what you think Jess ... honestly.” 

“Well ... I know it’s you because I know you’re with Shannon some of the time,” she said, reassuring me slightly. “Whether anyone else will know .... well ... I guess time will tell,” she mused. But I could tell she was holding something back. I noticed little frown lines creasing her brow and that habit she had of rubbing the skin on her lips if she was worried. 

I took a gulp of wine to calm my nerves. “OK what’s up? I can tell there’s something you’re not saying. Just spit it out.” 

Jess breathed deeply before speaking. “Jared’s called the office this afternoon and he’s been calling my phone, wanting to know where you are. Have you had any missed calls or messages from him?” she asked. “He sounded really pissed .... maybe you should call him back to sort out the problem,” she suggested, moving my feet from her lap and placing them back on the floor. “Come on. There’s no time like the present. You know what he’s like – the longer you leave it, the more pissed he’ll get.” 

So now I’ve got Shannon pissed with me because I ran out on him, unable to communicate my feelings’ and Jared’s pissed with me for reasons unknown. I rested my elbows on my knees and groaned. “Jess, why did I ever agree to take on this job with Jared? My stress levels are way off the scale.” I could feel my stomach tightening, butterflies fluttering at the thought of what was to come next.

Jess pushed herself up from the sofa and walked into the kitchen. “Is your phone in this bag on the floor Lex?” she called out. I could hear her rummaging around and then she returned, holding it out to me. “Call him, now! Find out what’s the problem and then deal with it. And Lex ...” she sat back down and pulled me into her arms. “Try a bit of self restraint and honesty. It’s four days until the party. What happens then, when you’re confronted with Jared and Shannon? You have to sort out this shit before it’s too late sweetheart.” She dragged her fingers through my hair, watching as I closed my eyes. I felt her lips brush across my cheek. “Go Lex. Phone Jared.”

**************  

I sat on my bed, phone in hand dreading the next few minutes. After a few deep breaths, I lay back on the pillows and hit the call button next to his name. 

One ring, two rings, three rings ... four rings. I was just about to hang up when the line suddenly connected. There was silence. Keep a grip Lexy, I thought, even though I could feel a sense of panic taking over me. “Ummmm ... Jared, are you there?” I asked, again met with silence. I tried to bring my breathing under control. “OK, if you’re not going to talk, I’ll hang up ...” I waited to see if this would work, more than willing to carry out my threat.

Suddenly his voice whispered down the line: “There’s something you’re not telling me Lexy. Why couldn’t I get hold of you this afternoon?” There was a pause, then he continued: “I called the office as well as Jess but nobody would say where you were. What’s the secret you’re keeping?” 

I could feel a swirling vortex in my head, my vision was clouded and every muscle tensed as I desperately fought to find a credible answer. What had Jess said about telling the truth? “Jared.” I paused for a moment, giving me time to think. “Look I know you demand a lot ... but I have a life away from this job as well you know. And that life is private. Surely you of all people can understand the need to keep some things secret.” I waited to see how he would react. There was silence again. 

Downstairs I could hear Jess clearing the kitchen, pots and pans clattering and doors opening and closing. “Jared, are you speaking to me?” I asked. All I could hear in the background was noise and I was sure a murmured conversation. “Jared, are you with someone else? Talk to me or I’ll hang up.” Still nothing. I huffed and hit the end call button. Two people could play this game, I thought. I tossed my phone on to the bedside table and waited for him to call me back. Nothing. Downstairs, the kitchen din had subsided and I could hear the creak of the stairs. Jess must be coming to bed. 

“Jess,” I called out, “Things didn’t work out. J wouldn’t talk to me.” I heard footsteps outside my door and the handle turned. “Come and talk to me Jess, for God’s sake I need someone to hold on to at the moment.” I closed my eyes and breathed. The bed dipped. “How can I deal with him Jess?” I reached out for her hand and opened my eyes. 

I’d dimmed the lights so I wasn’t dazzled but the sight made me freeze, the words drying up in my throat. Jared was sat on my bed, his blue eyes drilling into me. “Talk to me instead Lexy.” I tried sitting up but wasn’t quick enough, his hands pushing me down. 

I was trapped. I tried to move, but each time I twisted away, Jared's grip tightened on my wrists. I watched as his muscles strained against my efforts to free myself. "Just-let-me-go," I gasped, the words stammered through sobs as I gave up holding back the floodgate of tears. His grip loosened and I yanked my arms away, turning my face into the pillow, wanting to hide the tears now streaming down my reddened cheeks. I was furious that Jared could cause me to break down like this. I'd never felt so vulnerable. There was movement behind me and I felt the mattress dip further, the cool air replaced by the warmth of his body. Jared's hand returned, this time gentle and soothing, gently rubbing my back and shoulders.  

Jared's POV 

I knew I shouldn't have come back to Lexy's but I was so mad when she left so suddenly this afternoon. I've always made a point of never mixing work with pleasure - and this is the reason why. My anger got the better of me and now look what's happened. I can't bear to see what I've done which is why I'm lying here, too close for comfort considering what I've just put her through. I scoop a strand of her hair and breath in the smell of her body. "I'm sorry," I whisper. "Lexy talk to me. I hate myself for doing this to you." I feel her breathing calm and slow down but she doesn't move or make any attempt to say anything. I lie next to her, rubbing my stubble gently on her back, letting my breath leave warm trails across her bare shoulders. I desperately want to know who she was with this afternoon but I guess I'll have to wait until she's ready to talk. My lips leave soft kisses across her skin. "I'm leaving Lexy. Get some sleep and I'll see you tomorrow." 

There's so much more I want to say and so much more I want to do. I ache for her touch, for the feel of her lips on mine. I want her long legs wrapped around me; I want to drag my tongue across her soft nipples. And I want  to hear her moan as we both climax together. 

But instead, I lean over and kiss her gently on her cheek. "Goodnight baby girl."

[eternallyautumnal]

Pregnancy Cravings

Authors Note: So, this is my first real fic, so hopefully its ok. I’m a bit nervous about it, but I wanted to post it. As for the title, I honestly couldn’t think of anything. Anyway, I’d love to hear your thoughts! 

Warnings: None. This is just pure Nessian fluff!!

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, they all belong to the wonderful Sarah J. Mass

“CASS!!!!!” Nesta screamed while rifling through the cabinets and drawers. 

“CASSIAN!!!!” Her voice even louder this time followed by the sound of something slamming.

Cassian came running down the stairs, hand placed over the Illyrian blade at his side, to find his mate in the kitchen scowling at him, hands on her hips. 


“Nesta, Love, whats wrong?” He asked, while quickly assessing the kitchen. Realizing there wasn't a threat his hand moved from the hilt of the blade at his side. 

“Where. Are. My. Cookies.?” A deadly calm fell over Nesta as the index finger of her right hand began tapping her hip. 

“W-what?” Cassian stammered, as he slowly approached his mate with an outstretched hand. “Cassian.” Her eyes narrowed as he cautiously made his way to her. “Where. Are. My. Cookies.?” 

Cassian, finally close enough to his mate reached for her hand, but she yanked it away. Fury consuming her face.

“Nesta, I don't know where your cookies are. P-perhaps you already ate them?” As soon as the words left his mouth he realized it was the wrong thing to say. 

Her glare turned him to stone as she replied, “Ate them. Ate them, Cassian. I think I would know if I’d eaten them!” She rubbed her temples with one hand while the other drifted to her growing belly. “This gods damned baby is making me crave these cookies. Why the fuck don't we have any cookies!?!”

Unsure whether she was asking him a question or just thinking out loud Cassian decided to keep his mouth shut, figuring it would be the safer option. Nesta lowered the hand that had been massaging her temples, to stare at Cassian.

“Well? Are you gonna just stand there? Or are you going to get me some gods damned cookies?!”

“I’ll go get the cookies!” He replied quickly, turning on his heel and heading for the door.

“Oh!”

He stopped in his tracks and turned to Nesta again.

“And don't come home without those cookies.”

He gave a quick nod and left without another word, the door closing gently behind him.

Half an hour later, Cassian landed in front of the door to their townhouse. He reached out a hand to grasp the nob, but the door was flung open. Nesta stood in the doorway, tears streaming down her face. Before he could react, she flung herself at him, arms lacing around his neck and he dropped the bag of cookies, grasping her tightly. She began to sob even harder as she clung to him.

“Nesta, Sweetheart, whats wrong??” Concern evident in his voice. One hand rubbing small circles on her back while the other stroked her hair. As her sobbing began to slow and she was now mostly sniffling, Cassian pulled back a little so he could see her face. He ran his thumb across her cheeks, whipping away the tears. “Sweetheart, tell me whats wrong… please” 

She drew in a deep breath before answering. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I yelled at you. I’m sor—“

“Sweetheart you don't need to apologize” he cut her off, but she just shook her head.

“Cassian, really. I’m sorry I kicked you out of the house, As soon as the door shut I started crying because I missed you. I ran outside but you were already gone. I just wanted you back!”

He pulled cupped her face, brushing away a tear with the pad of his thumb and leaned in to place a soft kiss on her lips. He then leaned down to grab the bag of cookies he had gone to retrieve and as she turned to walk back into the house he grabbed her and scooped her up into his arms. She smiled up at him and nestled her head into his chest.

“Hey Cass,” She said softly

“Hmmm” Was his only reply as he walked them towards their sitting room.

“Those are the cookies in the bag right?” She whispered

He began to chuckle, and Nesta could feel the vibration against her cheek. He gently set her on the couch and leaned down to kiss her hair before replying.

“Yes Love, those are your cookies in the bag. Now, do you want me to make you hot cocoa to go with them?” He quirked an eyebrow.

“Yes please!” She said with a grin.

Five minutes later he returned with a steaming mug of cocoa and a plate full of cookies. He gently set the stuff down on the coffee table. Nesta gave him a sweet smile as his eyes widened and his pupils dilated when he finally looked at her. She reached for the cookies and gently set them atop her bare belly, completely forgetting about the plate. She then reached for the mug and began to dunk a cookie into the chocolaty liquid.

“What?” Her eyebrows raised as brought the cookie to her lips.

Cassian had been gaping at her for about a minute now. “Where’d your shirt go?”

“I got hot.” Was her only reply as she continued to munch on her cookie. She had indeed removed her shirt and was now in just her bra and a pair of leggings.

“You got hot? So you just took off your shirt?” He asked as the corner of his lip twitched upward.  

“Yup.” She answered with a slight shrug of her shoulders while she lifted the mug to her lips. 

“Got a problem with that?” She gave him a side glance.

“No. No problem at all!” He answered with a broad smile. 

He then moved toward the couch lifting Nesta’s feet and setting them back down on his lap once he was seated. He began massaging her feet while she happily ate her cookies and drank her hot cocoa. She paused for a moment, swallowed and looked at him with utter joy.

“I love you.”

Three simple words, yet every time she uttered them it took his breath away. He still couldn't believe that the cauldron had blessed him with this beautiful, strong, and truly amazing female.

“I love you too.” His words were barely a whisper as he leaned in and planted a gentle kiss on her lips letting all those feelings melt into the kiss. As he pulled away she smiled at him and took another bite of her cookie. He then leaned down and kissed her belly whispering “I love you too baby.” As if in response the baby kicked.

“Did you see that?” Cassian’s head shot up in surprise.

Nesta rolled her eyes and said, “I didn't have to see it, I felt it.”

“Has it happened before?”

“No. I would have told you if it had.” She said with a smirk. “The baby likes hearing your voice maybe you should say something else.”

Cassian leaned down again, placing a hand on the spot he kissed and said a little louder this time “Hi baby, I’m your dad.” He earned another kick in response “You like it when I talk to you, huh. Well, I’m excited to meet you” This time there were two kicks.

They spent the rest of the day on the couch, Cassian talking to the baby, Nesta smiling while enjoying her cookies, and overall enjoying a day as the little family they were becoming with each day. 

[damnthatnoise]

The Future Is Now | An Interview With Zilla Rocca

Philadelphia is rich with hip-hop history going back to Spoonie-G, DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince, The Square Roots (The Roots) on through Freeway, Beanie Sigel, Dice Raw, Lushlife and of course the Wrecking Crew’s own double threat Zilla Rocca. With more than 15+ years deep in the game Rocca is approaching the release of his latest and in this writer's humble opinion most impressive album yet via legendary music journalist Jeff Weiss’s POW Recordings with, Future Former Rapper set to drop in the coming months. 

I reached out to the Wrecking Crew, Career Crook, Grift Company Producer/Lyricist to talk about his career, parenthood, how his approach has changed and all sorts of shit in between. Over the course of the conversation I digested the new album and the more I listened to it the more one thing became clear to me...Zilla Rocca is one of the NICEST FUCKING MC’s THIS CULTURE CURRENTLY HAS AROUND! The man has not only studied the greats but he holds tight in his essence the core of what made many of them great to begin with and when you get your hands on this album you will see what I mean.

For now, grab a drink, roll a blunt, and read my interview with Zilla Rocca!

_____________________________________________________________

Damn That Noise:  "Future Former Rapper" you said has taken around 4yrs to create, and in that time you dropped 3 Career Crooks projects, your joint EP with Curly Castro as Grift Company and your "Hard Boiled EP" not to mention becoming a father and husband, and writing for Passion of The Weiss. What was it about this specific album that you really wanted to take your time on, and where do you think you've matured and refined yourself as an artist and man since "No Vacation for Murderers" dropped?

Zilla Rocca:  That’s a great question. All of heady stuff takes me 1-4 years to make for some reason. This album went through a lot of incarnations even though the songs are pretty direct and the conceptual stuff is digestible. When I started making it I decided to record maybe 4-5 songs, play them live, see how people reacted, and then go back and re-record them after doing field research. I’ve never done that before and it was great! Plus as an emcee it helps you catch pockets with the rhymes in a live setting that you might now catch in the booth. 

I think after No Vacation specially I wanted to make more straight forward stuff. I feel like my Shadowboxers projects are ahead of their time and take a minute to digest. Once real life stuff intersected then I really had no time just to experiment and meander with songs. I wanted to get my point across on different types of production on some Danny Brown and Vince Staples steez since they challenge people while being bare bones rappers. The bulk of the album was done before my son was born and his first year I had to pause with all music stuff and just be a Dad and husband. So that year off helped me recharge to do new stuff like Career Crooks and Grift Company.

DTN: I had written about your really growing into an MC who belongs alongside the caliber of folks who came from the DITC era, and you had replied in a tweet saying that you had really been studying those guys for a while recently. What is it about Finesse, Diamnond D, Big L, OC and the rest of the Digging in The Crates crew that inspires your asthetic? You sound like you and not a knock-off, but the essence is there which is hard to do some times....how do you incorporate those inspirations into the process?

Zilla Rocca:  Just being mentioned anywhere near DITC is a blessing so thank you. I feel like DITC is still an all time great secret in rap. I love Wu and Mobb Deep and all the other big groups and cliques but everyone knows them. How many people who love Fat Joe know DITC? I think those guys are incredibly consistent first off which I admire. AG is still great! Showbiz still gets busy. As does OC and everyone else. And their sound has always fluctuated between dark and cinematic but also shiny and bouncy. They could do clubby joints for the car and do headphone cypher riding on the train beats. I’ve been making beats for 15 years and definitely studied their approaches. I told Small Pro that “Good Luck with That” is his Buckwild album. And as a rapper I love Finesse and Diamond D for being so in pocket and dead on with their lines. There’s a beauty to their simplicity on the mic. It’s hard to be simple and dope. Plus Big L was the opposite using 5 syllable rhyme schemes while talking fly street shit. His rhyme structures are like cheat codes. I’m not a die-hard Big L dude but I’ve listened to him for 23 years and his shit is incredibly memorable and catchy. That’s why I did “Lamont Coleman” off Hard Boiled - I had those Big L lines in my head for a week and thought they’d be a great hook. And the beat had that eerie Word...Life/Jewelz feel. So it was the ultimate genuflect to the whole unit.

DTN: We seem sometimes to be in a Renaissance of hip-hop with artists like Armand Hammer's Elucid and billy woods both releasing such prolific group material not to mention solo material, as well as the likes of Milo, Mike Eagle, JPEGMAFIA, PremRock, Karma Kids, Ka, Marci, Westside Gunn and the Griselda fam continuously coming with heat and of course yourself and the countless others dropping really noteworthy albums....do you think we're hitting a creative stride right now that we were worried we might not see again 8-10yrs ago? 

Zilla Rocca:  I think we’re just in a media consumption phase as a culture right now. Binge watching shows. Staying glued to the news all day on twitter and cable. In the past only a handful of rappers were wild prolific like Doom, Kool Keith, Lil B, Lil Wayne etc and it made them stand out. Nowadays people hear your project and say “that’s hot but when’s the next one dropping?” Because people are just consuming endless shit now more regularly in that fashion. I’ve always worked on music and did it damn near every single day from 2005-2012 so once I saw people respond more to lots of music these days, I was game to feed them. I’ve always been diligent with lots of songs on deck so it’s nothing for me to try it this way for now. It’s been highly successful I’ll tell you that!

DTN: As someone who is an artist, and as someone who also writes about music where do you think music journalism specifically online has gone wrong over the last 5-10 years? Blogs at one time seemed like the spot where new artist could be broken and discovered but now most places seem no different than the old pay to play models of old. What do you think killed this?

Zilla Rocca:  With music journalism, it’s just things are always changing. Blogs were a reaction to music magazines becoming corporatized and shitty. Then blogs became corporatized and shitty and streaming took off so they got wiped out. Plus youtube has now been around for over 10 years and people just digest and learn shit from video so sitting and reading something is now a different option for music writing or criticism, whereas in the ‘80s through ‘00s it was almost the exclusive means to know about music

DTN: What about this album was different for you in the approach to bringing it all together? How did you decide on the group of producers you gathered and why them for THIS album?

Zilla Rocca:  I really thought this album would be my last. I was about to be a dad and I didn’t think I’d ever have time to work on music again. So I thought about making an album to capture every era from my career. I started in the early 2000’s doing more experimental stuff. Then did boom nap East coast underground music. Then some artsy indie rock sampling stuff. So this album was about showing off all of that.

So choosing the producers to handle that was the key. Steel Tipped Dove is the bridge between the more loop driven east coast beats on here, from Small Pro, Ray West, Disco Vietnam, and Messiah Musik, to the EDM/trap type beats by Starkey and my man William J Sullivan. I probably started the album with his beats and Messiah Musik’s first then chose beats around theirs. I feel like Danny Brown has been really good at that mixture so I patterned it after Old specifically without doing 2 sides to an album that breaks up the style of production. DTN: Jay is 48, Em is 46, El & Killer Mike are 43, do you see yourself actually becoming a Future Former Rapper at some point in time or do you think that it's just going to transition into a different path of creative writing for you, but keep the same essence?

Zilla Rocca:  There will be a day when I hang it up. Maybe it’ll be when I’m 40? I’ll be 36 tomorrow but I feel energized now with people still discovering me. But once my son gets old enough to play sports I know my time will be even more limited. And I’ll be ok with that. Like I said I really didn’t think I’d be doing music right now a few years ago. But great writers get better with age so you shouldn’t stop if you can help it.

DTN: What inspires 36yr old you now to keep moving forward and creating? If you could sit 18yr old you down and give him advice about what to expect and how to move what would it be?

Zilla Rocca:  I just really do what I like now and I don’t care about what happens after that. If no press gets behind it or If it sells 7 copies I’m ok with that. I’m not as thirsty as I was when I was 18. It’s really just about the work. Since I’ve approached music that way things have gotten easier and I’ve found new fans. I would tell my 18-year-old sell the line I said on “Career Crooks Theme”: nothing comes your way when you chase, best be patient.

DTN: What do you hope Future Former Rapper expresses to the people who take time to sit down and listen to it? What do you want the listeners to walk away with from the experience?

Zilla Rocca:  Phonte described his new album in a way that applies to mine: it’s for people who have other shit to do. I was really conscious about the overall running time and number of songs. Selfishly I just want people to hear it and think I’m a great rapper. If they can relate to some of the topics on a personal level, that’s a win too. It’s really autobiographical and very specific to my life growing up loving rap in South Philly in the 80’s and 90’s. But there’s a song about my wife and son and how they became the first thing I loved more than music. So there’s a lot to digest but I wanted to get in and get out like a bank robbery.

DTN: You have Serengeti, Armand Hammer, Curly Castro and another I know I'm missing on the album as guests... What was it about those voices on this album this time around? I know Curly is a regular voice but why Geti and AH...?

Zilla Rocca:  Castro is the most important voice. I deliberately put him on multiple songs because I wanted the album to reflect my life. He’s my best friend and we talk every single day so his voice should be heavily involved. With Armand Hammer, I’ve been working with Elucid since like 2009. It’s great watching people catch up to him now. Billy woods is one of my favorite rap friends ever so even if he didn’t rhyme on the album I would’ve just called him and recorded him talking cause he’s brilliant and hilarious. With Serengeti, I’ve just been a big fan of dude for years and we’ve been twitter homies forever with lots of mutual friends but we’d never worked together. So I wanted him in the mix because he’s very adventurous and bold while being original. Plus he doesn’t do a lot of features so I feel like it’s special getting him on my album.

DTN:  Why is storytelling such an important element in your writing? Even with your writing being more straightforward you've always focused on telling stories, and your favorite MCs have all been great storyteller... What is it about bring able to tell a story and not just say fly shit that has no real depth that calls to you?

Zilla Rocca:  I think storytelling is hugely important. To me, you’re not a great rapper if you can’t tell a convincing story. I like writing in that form because I’m an avid lifelong reader too. I also like structure and coloring within the lines sometimes and stories make you do that. There’s a beginning, middle, and end. Maybe a cool plot twist. I’ve written a fantasy type of story songs, sports stories, crime stories, relationship stories, and personal stories and I appreciate it when they connect with people. “Time Ran Out” off my new EP “Hard Boiled” is a breakup story and it’s one of the most mentioned favorites which shocked me. I wasn’t sure anyone would like it but I felt like it would break up all the random rhyming and fly talk like you said!

DTN: Favorite rap magazines growing up and why? 

Zilla Rocca:  Obviously The Source. I also loved Blaze Magazine and then later Scratch Magazine. It was a real elation seeing the newest issues on newsstands cause we had to go hunt and search for hip hop back then. It was a secret.

DTN: You've dropped shit on your own label, you partnered with Urbnet for the Career Crooks albums with Smallpro, and now you've decided to sign with Jeff Weiss' newly formed POW Recordings for your latest solo. Why at this stage of your career when you're capable of navigating it all on your own would you sign with a new label, and what is it about Jeff that had you decide to work with him for this release (other than the obvious fact he's a clear champion of great hip-hop of all kinds)?

Zilla Rocca:  I only deal with labels that love the music. I like partnering with people who are excited about the project first and foremost. I just left Toronto where URBnet is located and it’s such a clean and diverse city. Made me realize they really had to love Career Crooks to sign us cause our stuff is gritty and edgy being from Philly, which was not my experience of Toronto at all! With Jeff, we’ve known each other 13 years. I knew of POW Recordings when it was just a thought. His plan was to only sign up and coming cats to help them get shine, not Old grizzled vets like me from the Blog Rap Era on the verge of turning 40 years old. So when he heard the album, he fell in love with it and wanted to be the person who put it out. And I just went with it. It was effortless.

DTN: Thank you for your time my dude, do you want to leave the people with any final thoughts/words?

Zilla Rocca: Check my upcoming album. Check the singles we’ve dropped. Check my latest solo EP “Hard Boiled”, the latest Career Crooks remix album “Thieving as Long as I’m Breathing”, and the Grift Company EP from me and Curly Castro! Psshhew...ok that was a lot. Now, to sign off, peace to everyone who checks my stuff whether you’ve been down since 2008 or 2018. Just you reading this is built off my work ethic and stubborn refusal to quit rapping because I never had a major co-sign or a big manager or was down with a crew that blew up. I just keep doing it year after year so thank you for listening and reading!

Future Former Rapper by Zilla Rocca