#oh wow greys being gay again

[hisgirlboyfriend]

missing his touch even though I've never felt it

remembering the feeling of his lips on mine but it had never been more than a dream

I miss him so much it hurts, I feel it in my soul. I love him more than life itself. He is my everything. I can't wait to hold him

[delusion-mostly]

Regina George x Reader

Part 3/32

Warnings: kissing 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, lotta fluff

Word count: approx. 1,500

"There is nothing to talk about?" You laugh out, hiding your irritation in a chuckle.

"No. There is," she grips your hand, "I judged you way too quickly when I wrote that about you. It was our freshman year right after you had asked Karen to the spring fling!"

"And Karen said no? I respectfully said 'okay, I hope you have a great time with whoever you go with'? I don't see the issue?" Your face grows more confused and curious.

"We were freshman. We didn't think that was okay. We hadn't learned that not all gay people had diseases and stuff." You give her a shocked look.

"Wow, okay, you are not making this any better. It took you until highschool to realize gay people weren't dirty?" You give her a sarcastic laugh.

"No! Not what I meant. Oh my god I'm so embarrassed." She covers her face with her hands and you quickly grab her wrists, moving them.

"No. Communicate, George. What do you mean." You look at her, practically piercing her soul to get her to spill.

"We were always told that gay was bad, we live in Illinois, Y/N. The midwest hates that stuff. To keep up looks, I always just went along with it. It's stupid," she continues her rant by standing up and pacing,

"I mean, why do we even have to label who we kiss! I kiss boys, you kiss girls, Karen kisses her cousin, and I don't even know if I would say I'm straight! Can't a girl kiss a girl every now and then without it being a little gay! Why do we have to label it all! Just fucking be you!" She stomps over to the couch and lays her face in a pillow, panting while trying to catch her breath.

"George..." you pat her back, and she sniffles before looking up at you, "you are okay. You are safe. Its okay not to label yourself. Just be a human who kisses other consenting adult humans. You, just like everyone else, do not owe anyone an explanation on who you choose to be with."

"I was such an asshole to you for no reason Y/N. I owe everyone an explanation for everything, I'm Regina fucking George. I'm a massive deal!" She sobs a little into the pillow, "I don't even know who I am. Am I nice? Am I a mythic bitch? Do I kiss boys? Do I kiss girls? I don't know!"

She still sits knelt on the ground with her face in the pillow on the couch, she quickly switches it to the knee on your uninjured leg. She wraps your leg in a tight hug, and you tug on her to sit on the couch. The mechanical whirring starts again and then stops, and your mom comes up the stairs.

She tosses you the meds, "These do cause drowsiness so Y/N may be out quickly!"

Regina gives you a concerned look, and you speak up, "I'm going to head to my room, Regina will help."

Regina helps you off the couch and offers herself as a crutch, letting you put your weight on her. She is surprisingly strong considering you are being a huge baby and dragging. You make it to your bedroom door and she opens it, setting you on the bed.

She sits in awe at your room. Tan walls covered by DIY record sleeve panels, deep green ivy strung across your ceiling and down the wall, a black tapestry of a mandala hung behind your bed. Bright red LED lights shine brightly and reflect off of your black bedding and fluffy grey blanket. Your bookshelf holds tons of books, some old, some really old, and some new. Your desk has papers upon papers stacked with drawings and ramblings. You grab the remote on your nightstand and turn the lights to a deep green.

"This is the coolest room I have ever been in." Regina smiles.

"Don't you quite literally live in a mansion?"

"Yeah but this room is all vibey and nature-y. This is so cool!" She looks at your record player.

She starts sifting through your record collection, nodding and giving approving hums at several and giving slight 'nuh-uh's at others. She finally comes over to your bed and lays by you.

"Oh my god even your bed is the best." She drops open her jaw and looks at you as you scoff and look at the ceiling.

You grab some sticky fidget toys and spend at least 30 minutes staring above you, catching and throwing them.

"How did you figure it out?"

"What?" You catch the ball that you had just thrown and look at her.

She shifts on to her side to look at you and you do your best to repeat the action.

"How did you figure out you like kissing girls? I won't say gay because, you know?" She smiles and references the conversation from earlier, "I fucking hate labels."

"Can I be so for real?" You say, she nods, "Orange is the New Black." You both laugh.

"I am so serious! One look at Ruby Rose or that chick that plays Alex? You know, the ginger from That 70s Show? One look and boom. Girl kisser." You tell her in a silly matter-of-fact voice.

"You didn't try any hands on? You didn't go out and kiss a girl?"

"Well, no. Like you said, Illinois isn't a big fan of queer people. It wasn't until sophomore year that I actually started dating around like you said in your book. Not a dig, by the way." You smile at her.

You look back up at the ceiling, and Regina places her hand in the spot between your jaw and neck, and forces you to look at her. She puts her forehead against yours as you set your hand on top of hers. You can feel how warm her breath is on your hands, and how warm your cheeks had gotten.

She shoots up, "uhm, I'm gonna choose a record!" You had just gotten Queen Bee all flustered.

She sifts back through the records and lands on one, she picks Folklore. She skips tracks until it starts playing 'this is me trying', and lays back down in the same way you were before.

She puts her hand back in its spot between your meck and jaw and shoots you an awkward smile. You lay your hand on top of hers, rubbing your thumb against her knuckles.

"Can I kiss you?"

You sit there shocked, mouth open, eyes closed, unable to respond.

"Nevermind I shouldn't have asked, that was so stupid, I'm so sorry Y/N that was really fucked up of me." She moves to get up.

You pull her back down and roll onto your back, pulling her with you.

"Wow you are strong," she reaches for your muscle as she speaks.

"Hockey, honey. Not the point," you lift her chin to look at you, "it wasn't fucked up of you. I was thinking it too, but only if you are sure."

She lays her head on your chest, you tangle your hand in her soft blonde locks.

"I just want to know... this is all so hard. I don't get it. My therapist said I need to explore myself outside of school and the plastics. I just don't want to fuck things up. I can't lose the one thing I have control over..." she starts to cry into your chest, the second time shes cried on you today.

"Sh, you're okay Regina. It's okay Regina. You're gonna be okay G." You keep repeating her name and it feels so good on your lips.

You quickly realize she was meaning the one thing she has control over is the school. You guess after last year everything really did fall apart for her.

"No matter what. If you kiss girls or not. It will be okay. You will still have control over aspects of your life. If you do like girls? Nobody will force you out. You have control over that."

She sits up and looks at you, pulling herself to sit straddling your hips. She runs her fingers through your hair and sets her hand under your jaw when she's done.

Regina slowly leans in, intertwining your fingers and pining your hand above your head. Your other hand trails down her side and makes its way to her hip. She finally, after what feels like a painful eternity, closes the gap. Every moment moves so slow, but she deepens the kiss. You can feel how warm her cheeks are.

Well that was an unexpected turn of events

[sprnklersplashes]

poly!crows, flufftober day 8: rainy day (ao3)

When October comes to Ketterdam, she announces her presence with smoky grey skies and buckets upon buckets of rain. It’s quite an abrupt announcement too; one minute, Nina gets up and leaves her laptop to go make a cup of tea. Two minutes later, she returns with tea, a generous handful of biscuits and sleets of rain pelting the window. She doesn’t take her eyes off it as she sits back down. First comes disbelief, then comes Kaz’s voice in her head reminding her that she’s in Kerch now and the weather is about as reliable as anything else.

She remembers her partners are all out, and she sighs. Then she cheks the weather app and finds the rain is due to carry on all evening, and she sighs again, harder this time.

After firing a quick message to the group chat, she tries to return to her work emails, though they hold her attention even less than they did before. Her phone lights up, then fades, then lights again, coming alive as the Crows give their various reactions.

wolf boy (but not in a furry way): oh wow! thank djel I have the car :p 

wolf boy (but not in a furry way): who changed my nickname again?

Llewellyn: couldn’t have been me!

Llewellyn: who still uses emoticons?

Matthias Helvar changed his nickname to Only Sane Man

wylan van fuck: matthias is never beating the furry allegations

wylan van fuck: but I do second the oh wow!

wylan van fuck: @ matthias since i’m ur favourite ur still picking me up from work right???

Only Sane Man: we don’t have favourites, wy. but yes I will still pick you up.

wylan van fuck: yay!

Llewellyn: gay

Only Sane Man: driving cars is gay now?

Wraith: so does that make jes straight?

Llewellyn: I’M BEING HATE CRIMED?

Llewellyn: BY MY PARTNER?

Llewellyn: IN THE QUEER POLY GROUP CHAT?

Llewellyn: WITH OUR OTHER PARTNERS?

wylan van fuck: how in the fuck did we get here?

Only Sane Man: put two kurge in the swear jar when we get home.

nina beana: well given the weather, mayhaps we use the swear jar money for pizza tonight???          to warm us up????

nina beana: wylan’s treat, apparently.

wylan van fuck: shit yea the weather

Only Sane Man: four kruge. 

Llewellyn: I love pizza!

Llewellyn: especially when its paid by wylan’s swearing

Llewellyn: @ wylan, say more cuss words so we have more pizza money

wylan van fuck: *send a voice message* 2:30

Wraith: this would go so hard at an open mic night. 

Nina snorts into her tea as she replays Wylan’s message. In her mind’s eye, she can see the others’ reactions, Jesper dancing to it, Inej laughing, Matthias’ silent mortification and prayers to Djel. She presses herself into the couch and carries on with her emails, the rain drumming steadily and relentlessly against the windows. 

Twenty minutes later, her phone buzzes again, and this time she finds a picture of a completely drenched Kaz, looking at the camera and managing to be both supremely pissed off and completely unaffected. 

kazzlus dazzlus: *sent a picture*

kazzlus dazzlus: its raining. 

She spits her tea out at that.

Inej is the first one home, her workplace less than twenty minutes on the bus. Nina opens the door to find her sopping wet on the porch, white coat turned brown and her neatly-styled hair now frizzy and tatted and curling at the bottom. She practically yanks the girl in through the door. 

“You okay, love?” Inej’s hands are like ice beneath hers, as is her cheek when she pulls her into an embrace. 

“Other than the typhoon outside, I’m good,” she replies, gently returning Nina’s squeeze. She lets out a gasp then, immediately dropping her bag and pulling her sodden coat off her. As Nina shuts the door, Inej pulls the tie from her hair and shakes it out. “Remind me again why I don’t work from home?”

“Because-and I quote- you’d never get anything done with the rest of us running around.”

“Ah, that,” she says with a roll of her eyes. She plants a kiss on Nina’s cheek before darting to the stairs, her movements as nimble as if back on the high wire. “I’m hitting the shower. When are we doing pizza?”

“Not until the rest of them get home,” she replies. Inej nods and carries on two-at-a-time up the stairs. Nina lets her eyes linger on her small frame before turning back towards the living room, a wry grin curling at the corners of her lips.

“Save me a cookie?” Inej’s voice calls from upstairs. Nina chuckles warmly, blows a kiss towards the stairs, and the jar is moved from the cupboard to the coffee table.

Really, Inej didn’t have to ask.

The rest trickle in steadily over the next few hours. Jesper alerts them with a knock at the window, their eyes so wide they take up half their face. They all but barrel into Nina when she opens the door, other hand reaching out to grab the expectant Inej. At first they’re delighted, basking in their partners ever-persistent affection. And then the seconds turn into minutes, and realisation dawns on the pair of them with incredibly precision.

“You’re using our body heat aren’t you?” Inej asks.

“Yep!” The two rolls their eyes, exasperated and slightly shivering against Jesper’s cold hands, and it takes both of them to shove him off.

“Hot shower, “ Inej tells them with a poke to the chest. “And then maybe Nina will share her cookie stash.”

“Uh, they have to earn the cookie stash!”

Jesper comes down ten minutes later, clean, warm, grinning like a madman, and wraps Nina in a tight embrace that sweeps her off the ground. Apparently, it was enough for a cookie. 

It’s around half an hour later when the blue blur of Matthias’ car appears at the window, obcusred by the heavy fog covering the glass. Minutes later, a flash of red hair that can only be Wylan emerges and sprints to the door, followed by Matthias rushing up the path. Jesper is at the door and opening it before Wylan can even get his key in the lock, wrapping the two of them in a tight hug that lasts until Nina appears at his shoulder and reminds him gently that cold air travels through open doors. 

The smiles don’t fade though. Matthias pecks her cheek before half-jogging up the stairs, making a show of trying to beat Wylan to the shower but moving suspiciously slowly for a guy who runs marathons for fun. The three of them, Nina, Inej and Jesper, can hear Wylan’s laughter reverberate through the bathroom door, answered by a groan that sounds anything but frustrated. Nina grins, initially to herself, but like a flame it jumps to Inej and then to Jesper and they’re chuckling, softly, under their breaths.

Then Matthias is on the stairs, shaking his wet hair over them. Inej delicately steps aside and pulls Jesper into her spot, letting him take the full force of Matthias’s storm. Their reaction is suitably dramatic.

When Kaz finally turns his key in the lock, his coat is so soaked it’s basically a second skin and his dark hair clings to his face like seaweed against a rock. The edges of his coat drip, drip, drip along the floor as he makes his way down the hall, alerting them to his presence with the rap of his cane against the door and a raised eyebrow. The four of them (Matthias now in the shower) have crammed into their small kitchen; Inej and Wylan are sitting on the counter leaning over Nina’s shoulders, while Jesper is atop the table with his feet pushing one of their mismatched chairs outwards. The rumble of the dryer can be felt through the brick and the counter sways like the little boats that dock on the harbour in the summer. 

“Brekker, settle a fight,” Nina asks. “We’re ordering pizza. We’re getting a veggie for Inej and Matthias and a plain one for Wy. Do we get a Hawaiian as a third?”

“If you do, that delivery guy will have to step over my corpse to get into this house,” he replies, gasping slightly as he pulls of his wet coat. He hangs it on the back of the door, the black tweet slipping in amongst the other coats of their house.

“Chicken and sweetcorn it is then,” Nina announces. Kaz runs a gloved hand through his hair before stopping beside Jesper, his arms folded over his chest. “Still bad out there?”

“No, Zenik, I just fancied a dip in the canal.” Inej throws Kaz a tea towel and he catches it expertly with one hand. “What sides are we getting?”

“Cheesy bread,” Nina replies. “And wedges. Anything else?”

“Springing for two sides?”

“The swear jar money covered it,” she replies. “Didn’t you listen to Wylan’s voice note?”

“No, on account of the fact I never open that chat unless I get to say something.” His voice is mumbled, half-hidden by the yellow towel over his face. It’s a lie, of course. Kaz Brekker can deny anything to anyone (and he has, many times) but screenshots don’t lie. And Nina’s phone is almost backed up with the amount that show ‘seen by Kaz’ beneath several of their messages. Not to mention the times she’s caught him half-smiling at his phone just seconds after someone put something in it, and all the things he’d only know if he checked it regularly. His ‘Dirtyhands knows all’ act can only go so far. 

Still, she doesn’t say anything, and all of them let Kaz’s rickety wall stay where it is for now. In any case, his gloved hand is resting over Jesper’s on his shoulder as the five of them talked in hushed, soft tones about their work days and the storm and what movie to watch tonight.

“May I make a suggestion?” Jesper asks innocently.

“We’re not watching the Bee Movie again,” comes Inej’s reply, her voice soft and her eyes hard and unflinching when Jesper pouts.

“But it’s the greatest movie ever made!” he protests. “It’s a masterpiece. It’s a witty deconstruction of the capitalist system. It challenges us to think about the importance of those in society we brush off. It tackles our preconceived notions of relationships-”

“By that he means, she fucks the bee,” Wylan replies.

“She loved the bee! She and the bee had a consensual adult relationship!”

“Is Jesper debating the merits of the Bee Movie again?” Matthias appears in the doorway, hair tousled, clad in sweatpants and one of his old hoodies. The dark blue brings out his eyes. “Because I am not willing to sit through it for a third time.”

“Insert joke about furries here,” Kaz mutters as Matthias ducks through the doorway. Matthias rolls his eyes, a retort ready on his lips. But then he looks around the room, surveys each of his partners in turn, and Nina can practically see the wheels turning behind his eyes. 

“Jesper is that my hoodie?” he turns to Inej, Wylan and Nina, all three of whom stand silently, repressing giggles and burrowing into the impossibly soft fabric enveloping them. “Are these all my hoodies?”

“In our defense,” Jesper begins. Then, he pulls his hands into the sleeves and lets the end flop around, a grin crackling across his face. “They’re comfy.”

“Very comfy,” adds Inej.

“Collosally comfy,” Nina continues.

“Well, shit, I was just going to say ‘really very comfy’,” Wylan adds. A chorus of “swear jar” comes to his reply, and to that he just scrunches up his face and laughs. Even Matthias’ indignance at the hoodie theft seems forgotten as he drags a hand over his face, eyes landing on semi-worridely Kaz.

“Go get out of those wet clothes, Brekker,” he says. “And help yourself to any of my jumpers sicne they’re all free anyway.”

“You’re good, Helvar,” Kaz says before leaving. His gait is slightly stiff with the rain, and Nina doesn’t have to say anything before Jesper flips on the kettle. They’re all too aware of how the cold can affect Kaz’s leg. Wylan will have a hot water bottle down in approximately sixty seconds.

“Matti,” Jesper says as he leans against the table. “Really, you should take the sweater theft as a compliment to your skills. You make them so soft.”

“There’s this magical thing,” he replies. “It’s called fabric softener. You should use it sometime.”

“There’s also the fact that you’re the biggest one here. Ergo, your jumpers fit all of us,” Wylan says. He holds up his arms, completely lost in the cavernous sleeves. “I mean, I offer my collection of jumpers with sheep on them all the time, but they never fit anyone so no-one takes them.”

“Sure,” comes Kaz’s voice from the stairs, slow and stretched out. “That’s the reason.”

Wylan’s reaction comes in three parts. First, he blinks like a deer in headlights, trying to search for Kaz’s meaning. Then realisation dawns on him, slowly, and they all watch as his mouth falls open in the kind of offence usually reserved for when family members are insulted. And for the third part, he looks down in abject horror, and the rest of them alternate by assuring them his sheep jumpers are lovely and also trying not to wet themselves from laughing so hard.

Saints, Nina has never felt so lucky.

In a crushing five-to-one defeat, they don’t watch the Bee Movie. Jesper makes a show of how disappointed he is, insisting that none of them have the same intellectual taste in film that he does. Instead, they go for Labryinth, followed by The Princess Bride and maybe Sharkboy and Lavagirl if there’s time. And for all Jesper’s whining, he is the first to start dramatically quoting each film as they set up. As Nina pulls the warmed blankets from the dryer, she can hear Matthias reluctantly playing the Buttercup to Jesper’s Westley and Kaz chiming in with a quote here and there to keep the scenes moving. She rolls her eyes and sighs “boys”, but the smile on her face is unshakeable.

The smile blossoms when Inej rises her her tiptoes and kisses the back of her head. 

Arm in arm, they return to the living room with arms full of blankets just as Jesper is answering the door. As they enter, they’re greeted witha cry of “piggy back time” and the visual of Wylan rocket-launching himself onto Matthias’ back. Their partner gasps, stumbles and just barely rights himself before he bellows out a laugh and adjusts Wylan’s hold on him. Kaz sits on the couch, Wylan’s hot water bottle tucked against his bad leg and funnily enough, Matthias’s sweater over his pyjamas. Between gloved hands, Nina spies the familiar gleam of Kaz’s phone, and underneath Wylan’s giggling she hears the unmistakeable click of the camera. He pulls it back as soon as Jesper returns, face obscured by the mountain of food boxes he carries. 

“Gentle reminder that the paper plates on the coffee table are to be used,” Kaz announces. “Because I am not cleaning tomato sauce out off the cushions again”. That comes with a pointed look at Nina, and she just shrugs before dumping the blankets in the middle of the room and announcing that its a free-for-all. Her preferred one, a white fluffy number Kaz got her last year, is already securely wrapped around her shoulders, and so she’s happy and comfy and seated for the night. Ergo, her partners may fight to the death if they please.

Secure in her blanket cocoon, she plops down on the sofa. Matthias descends on the pile, Wylan on his back, who announces their presence by sticking his fists in the air and yelling “blankets!” like his life depends on it. Laughter buzzes in the air as they all watch Matthias lowerself down, Inej punctuating it with a growing ‘ooooooooh’ and a ‘heck yea’ when he makes it without dropping him. Wylan grabs one for himself and one for Matthias as well, pressing the fabric into his free hand before returning his hands to Matthias shoulders and declaring “Onwards my noble Fjerdan!”.

“Here,” Matthias sighs. “Go be Jesper’s problem. I’ve had enough of you.” His words are annoyed but his tone is anything but, and Wylan lands in a giggly heap on Jesper’s lap. 

And that’s it. Jesper straightens up against the couch, content for a moment, but then Kaz taps his shoulder and he scoots into the spot between Kaz’s legs. Wylan’s is curled on his side, his head in Jesper’s lap with Matthias next to him, rubbing circles into his back. With a slice of pizza in one hand, Nina runs her hand through Matthias’ hair, enjoying watching how his cheeks grow when he smiles. She presses her finger to one of his dimples and scratches against his cheek, and something warm bubbles in her chest. 

Somehow, Inej managed to sneak in and situate herself on the couch without anything noticing. Her hand is intertwined with Kaz’s, and he dips his head and whispers something to make her laugh. When Nina looks, she sees Kaz’s free hand petting Jesper’s hair. 

And it’s this. It’s just the six of them, and messy combinations of limbs and pizza and soft words and bad jokes. It carries them through, just like it always has. 

The rain keeps pelting the window, unending, determined to be let in. But inside its them, and the movies on the TV, and the soft, fuzzy peace that glows openly between them all. And for Nina, and for all of them, it’s enough. It will always be enough. 

[ohanny]

another friday, another cutie pie episode! so here are my thoughts while watching the second episode:

kuea is absolutely not me because i would never check my email first thing in the morning, notifs be damned

also even if i did get good news, i would not have the energy to throw a full "blackpink in your area" on top of my bed

kuea: oh yes, i am a bit... sore lian: ¬‿¬

ugh, why can't you just talk to this man who just happens to be a supportive, relatively mentally stable, functioning adult who dresses nice, cooks you food, pulls out your chair and YOU ACT LIKE THE RETURNING HIDE AND SEEK CHAMPION OF 2022

lian: if you need help, you can always tell me me: IF ONLY

nonetheless, i've had a boyfriend for a decade and i feel as single as the last crushed pringle at the bottom of the tube of doom when zee looks at nunew

kuea, a lying liar who lies: kon diao texted me lian: i love you me: KUEA DO YOU FEEL EVEN A LIL BAD???

i love the mission impossible theme tune

nong diao squared ready to cover up crimes

yi can smell bullshit a mile away but unfortunately for him, he's also a weak victorian bitch who gets flustered by a cheek touch from a twink he (alledgedly) fucked in his car just last week

JUST SHOW ME PERTH YOU COWARDS chapter 2

diao is a good friend with a good brain cell. we all need a diao.

kuea: i have a lot to think about. me: you also have a lo to TALK about goddammit

meanwhile poor lian is just trying to plan his barbie dream wedding, oh dear

yi is here to be the best man but also to watch the world burn.

kon diao loves lists. kon diao is me.

the world does not deserve diao. this show certainly doesnt. if he was running it, again, it would be 5 minutes long. well, maybe 15. he would keep all the spicy bits.

this beauty clinic is totally not the sponsor of this series.

the totally not sponsoring intensifies

"how do i look?" EXACTLY THE SAME AS YOU DID 30 SECONDS AGO YOU BABY SKINNED MOCHI OF PERFECTION

i will never not mishear this as "cosmic-exo entertainment" and i am not sorry

uh-oh, their barbie dream weddings are NOT the same

lsakjfkasljfafj a nuer x syn intermission! and nuer has a less questionable shirt on!

you two (ಥ﹏ಥ)

but props to syn never hiding his intentions and props to nuer respecting his choices even if they make him a sad boy. SOME PEOPLE could never

hia yi is eternal suffering personified even at a cake tasting and quickly becoming my favourite.

foei: oh is it too crowded? do we need more room? the gays: *offended*

salaldkjf i am catching vibes. pls tell me they will grey's anatomy this and diao and yi will end up getting married in the barbie dream wedding horror show while kuea and lian elope in korea

"you can make the final decision" says lian, not having any idea they like the polar opposite things.

he is a smooth bastard though. "ah yes, my favourite wedding singer will be too busy being my husband"

"oh no, how will our suits match if we cannot see them?" you dumbo, you have kon diao, the wedding planner extraordinaire. he has a list for that.

diao has been calling out bullshit since birth at this point.

yi: ah yes, they are so compatible. diao: dude, they can't agree on anything. yi: which is not my problem.

yi really be like "pfffft, let them talk it out between them" as if we have time to be here for the next ten years. he really couldn't give less fucks, lol

DIAO LEGIT IS LIKE IZZIE PLANNING MERDER'S WEDDING

how can he answer cosmic-exo in that suit. go change.

oh, the straights are at it again

lian: thank you yi: oh, you already picked a suit? lian: yes yi: wow, i am so helpful. you are blessed to have me tolerate you.

i love how nunew's voice gets so much deeper when he switches to english

IF ONLY YOU WERE THAT EXCITED ABOUT YOUR OWN WEDDING

kuea: what should i do? me screaming at my tv: TALK TO YOUR MAN

diao is seriously like baby yoda and syn doesn't need to become a monk. he just needs to hang out with diao more for some deep wisdom and then keep living in sin.

nuer is a sweet understanding angel and syn is a pouty baby and i could watch these two forever

"it's our wedding, not just mine." except you have NO IDEA you're not getting your wedding but an industrial scale keerati legacy production

yi: see? they're totally on the same page diao: ...

who is this random laxatives lady and why does she look like she's about to place a curse on kuea?

lian: you pick kuea: i am fine with everything narrator: he was not, in fact, fine with anything

diao turn of the tap for fucks sake, it is very obvious you are not paying your own bills in this economy

diao: my dog is so smart yi: your dog is literally an idiot

oh god here we have hia yi talk about marriage and kasdjflkafj they might kiss and i can't believe i am about to say this but at this point diao needs to worry about me cooking that cockblocking dog :D

WE HAVE A STAIRCASE WITH A HAND RAIL? IN A BL?!?!?!

lian: *trying* kuea: cosmic-exo is calling, byeee

look at his sad eyes, he KNOWS

"why am i talking to a doll?" BECAUSE IT IS MORE LIKELY TO HAVE AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION WITH YOU. you deserve better, boo.

lian: aren't you kirin already kuea: but i could be cosmic-exo kirin in korea. lian: okay. kuea: ... wait what?

OH FUCK SCREW THE WEDDING WAS THAT PERTH I JUST SAW?!?!?!?

[bustyasianbeautiespod]

Episode 3.1 Transcript: The One Thing in the Galaxy God Didn't Have Her Eyes On

[Good Omens GarageBand theme song plays]

C: Hello! My name is Crystal.

G: And my name is Grey.

C: And this is Rubbish and Probably a Podcast, a Good Omens commentary podcast where I, someone who has seen this show too many times…

G: And I, someone who only knows this show through Crystal, discuss every single episode of Good Omens. 

C: For today’s episode, we are discussing Season 1, Episode 3: “Hard Times.” What if we all just died forever and ever? [laughing]

G: God! Literally, what if we just all cancelled all of our appointments, and just wailed at this time for eternity. "Eternity!" as Crowley would say. [C laughs]

C: Indeed! What if we just ran out into the streets and rent our clothes publicly? [G laughs] Like, what if we did whatever besides any of the things? [screams] Oh, okay, well. This was an episode of TV show!

G: Well, context first, I guess. We have to- we have to. So we we record every Sunday.

C: Yeah. Wow, that's so Biblical of us. [G laughs] Sunday morning, so this is our church.

G: [laughs] No, it's Sunday night for me so, this is like, Aziraphale and Crowley drinking at the bookshop levels of divinity for me. We recorded Sunday. And then, immediately after, I watched Episode 3. And I promptly completely lost it. [both laughing]

C: As I hoped you would.

G: No but, the thing is, it was Sunday, and literally like, I finished watching around 1AM. And the entire time I was thinking, "Oh, well, should I rewatch it? Should I rewatch it? [laughs] No, I shan't. Like, that's too- that's too much! I should just calm down and try to sleep. I have classes tomorrow." And then, like, I slept at 3AM. I woke up at 5AM literally shaking. [C laughing] I was shaking. I was like, "Oh my god! Oh my god!" And then, like, at around 9AM, I was like, "I have to do it." And then I just ended up watching it again. [C laughs] And that was the state of being I was in, like, almost- not almost. Every single day, I watched at least the first 30 minutes of this episode [laughs] for the entirety of this week.

C: Yeah. As you should

G: And like, at some point I was like, "I'm just going to watch the Soho scene of Aziraphale saying, 'You go too fast for me Crowley'"-

C: No, don't!

G: On repeat on YouTube over and over again for like, an hour. [laughs] So yeah. It's truly- it's truly been an eventful week for me, but the only event is this.

C: Yeah, yeah. And I guess, I mean, from my POV, it's just, we record episode 2. You're like, "Good show. Don't know how invested I am in them as a romantic couple." [G laughs] And I like, go shaking and trembling through my day like, waiting for you to watch Episode 3, and I don't have to wait very long. About like, five minutes in, you send me, "I get it now. They're gay as hell," and I can breathe easy. Except I'm also not breathing easy because I've watched this episode this week, so instead, I am screaming, shaking, crying, tossing about in my bed at all hours.

G: What is all this? Literally, what's all this? What's all this, then? [both laughing] That's my main question. What the fuck is all this then?

C: They weren't gonna have a Season 2! This was just gonna be- like, they were gonna never kiss, and this is just gonna be here!

G: I doubt it. I doubt it! Like, Neil Gaiman must have been like, "No, we're gonna have a Season 2!"

C: I don't think so. Like, he wrote all of this like, way back when.

G: Oh, yeah, there's a 20-something scriptbook or whatever.

C: There's a script of Episode 1 from 2015, and there's a slightly updated scriptbook that he has sold. [G breathes shakily] I don't think that he was planning to make a Season 2 until after Season 1 was released and it made so much money, so. Well. I still wish he hadn't made a Season 2, even after all this. [G laughs]

G: I have to read the fucking Good Omens-

C: Synopsis.

G: Synopsis. Yeah, okay. So the synopsis for Season 1, Episode 3: "Hard Times" is, "First, a walk through history looking at Aziraphale and Crowley's friendship down through the age. In the present, Anathema unwittingly befriends the Antichrist, and the two celestial friends put their agent to work finding the boy, unaware that it's the same agent."

C: Uh-huh. And then they broke up. But I guess that wouldn't be in the synopsis. [both exhale]

G: Well, let's start. We need not delay it further.

-

C: Mm-hm. So we start back in Eden, 4004 BC. And I guess before, I was saying the Apocalypse was happening in 2019. I can't do math. It's in 2016. That's 4004 BC plus 6000. But yeah. So we return to Aziraphale before(?) he's met Crowley or after, I can't tell. Can you tell?

G: This is after. This is after.

C: Okay, after.

G: Yeah. Because I feel like if it was before, Aziraphale would have mentioned that the Almighty has asked about the sword. But like, that, conversation comes in Mesopotamia, so I'm ssuming this comes in between the first ep meeting and this.

C: That's true. That sounds correct.

G: You know what I mean.

C: Yeah, yeah. I get what you mean. Okay. And the fact that this opens on Aziraphale sort of establishes all the flashbacks as being from Aziraphale's point of view [G exhales], and sort of this whole episode as well, so that's fun.

G: Yes! Yes! We barely see Crowley- well, not barely, but you know what I mean.

C: Episode 1 was like, definitely [both] Crowley point of view because we see her get the baby, and then, like, do all the nun swap shit. So yeah, we're switching it up.

God like, shines her light over him and asks him where the sword is, and he goes, "Uh-huh. Oh yeah. Big, sharp, cutty thing. Uh... I must have put it down here somewhere." [G laughs] And then the light disappears, and then he continues going, like, "Forget my own head next." And then he notices that God has already left, and he goes, "Oh dear!" So the thing is like, he lied to God.

G: He literally straight-up fucking lied.

C: Like, that's what Adam and Eve got kicked out for! [both laughing] Like, he just watched Adam and Eve be so funny, and he decided to be hilarious. It's just so- like, okay, it's not necessarily what Adam and Eve got kicked out for. Like, they probably just got kicked out for eating the apple in the first place. But I guess my interpretation of Genesis 3 has always been like, God asking like, "Where are you?" after like. Admin Eve had hidden themselves was like, a chance at redemption or something.

G: Yeah. I mean, that's also the vibe with Cain and Abel, right? Like, it's like, the real straw on the camel's back with Cain and Abel is God asking Cain, like, "Where's your brother?" and him going, [overlapping] "Am I my brother's keeper?" It's still lying. Like, that is very much like, you can interpret it as the "chance of redemption but you didn't do it, so now you're off to be cursed forever."

C: Yes. Right. So Aziraphale lies to God.

G: Hell yeah!

C: God like, doesn't even stick around after like, his first lie to hear the rest of it.

G: [laughing] She was like, "It's Crover. Aziraphale has already lied."

C: [laughing] She literally was like, "It's Crover." But yeah, okay, so why did he do it? Like, was he so like, just worried in the moment that he was just like, "I'm about to commit the sin of all time, and also the only sin that's happened so far-" though I mean, I guess the demons Fell already. So there was other shit. But like, yeah. why'd he do it?

G: Well, he was feeling silly and goofy.

C: He sure was feeling silly and goofy. Okay, God like, knows he lied, but he doesn't Fall or anything. Like, what- Why did She ask? And why didn't She do anything when he lied?

G: Those are interesting questions. I don't really know how to answer them.

C: Yeah. This was a test of some sort. But like, maybe he passed the test?

G: Yeah. Well, She's ineffable, as we constantly hear.

C: Yeah, but this seems sort of like he passed the test if She didn't do anything about it. Because it's like, "Oh, well, I need an angel stationed on Earth to watch over the humans. Like, I was just like, super mean to them, but like, maybe I want someone who believes in them or like, will protect them over their faith to me in like, moments of need." Like, maybe he passed.

G: Yeah. Maybe he did pass.

C: Yeah. But he doesn't know he passed, which gave him an anxiety disorder for the rest of time which is ruining my favorite character's life [G laughs], so God should have been a better communicator.

G: This is true!

C: Okay, book fact: The way that this appears in the book is that-

G: Wait. I thought you said the flashbacks are not in the book.

C: Yes, the flashbacks are not in the book, but this information is conveyed to us in the book that this exchange happened. And the way that it happens is that Aziraphale was like, across the street from a printing press that did Bibles and shit, and one of these, like, the early practices of this printing press was that they would hang their proofs out to dry, and then passersby could correct typos and things. And Aziraphale went over to their pages of Genesis, and he wrote this out on there. And that conveys a very different vibe than Aziraphale in the show because that means that book Aziraphale was like, "I'm proud of this happening. And I want everyone know. I want these Bibles to be printed to have this scene of an angel lying to God and getting away with it [G laughing] right after Adam and Eve and the serpent all get fucked to hell about it."

G: Hell yeah.

C: Like, [laughing] what did he mean by that? It can't just be like a "nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh, I got out of it, and you didn't get out of it." Like, I mean this feels like he's fully encouraging people who read this to give disobedience a go and see if they get lucky.

G: Maybe after years and years and years, he started to think of it the same way you did. That maybe it was the right thing to do.

C: Yeah. I think that that's true of book. Aziraphale. Especially because the way the writing goes is like, there's no Aziraphale going, "Oh, dear!" or saying like, "Big, sharp, cutty thing." He's a lot more assertive in the book. He just- well, he still is nervous, but he says, "I had it here only a moment ago. I must have put it down somewhere. Forget my own head next," and then the next line in the Bible thing is, "And the Lord did not ask him again." And that's just the end of Genesis 3 in this version of the Bible being printed.

G: I wuv it.

C: So like, there's no like, light leaving. There's no whatever. It's just like, "And the Lord did not ask him again."

G: Hell yeah.

C: Hell fucking yeah. And also, this was the same printing press that tried to print Agnes Nutter's book of prophecies, so like, it's like, the same time period as the witch burning [G laughing] that he was like, "I'm gonna tell everyone that I lied to God."

G: I was imagining, like, 1800s, you know, but this is way funnier!

C: Nope. They were burning witches, and he was telling everyone to go fucking lie to God and that he was proud of it.

G: No!

C: God! Book Aziraphale's so hot. Anyway.

-

G: Yes. Well, we proceed to a thousand years later in Mesopotamia.

C: A thousand whole years later! Have they even seen each other since then? It doesn't seem like it.

G: No! Because the first thing Crowley asks is, "What happened to the flaming sword?"

C: Right, right. So this is them picking up their 1000 years ago conversation.

G: Yeah. So at the beginning of each era, we're going to do like, a looks evaluation. And in general, Aziraphale doesn't really change much, looks-wise.

C: He changes a decent amount. But his hair is always exactly the same.

G: His hair is always exactly the same except for when he gets sideburns later. But like, in general, [laughs] he looks the same, you know? It's Crowley who, like, really transformed every iteration.

C: Yeah, she really walk walk fashion baby-s her way through the millennia.

G: Yeah! I think the song for Crowley is, in fact, "walk, walk, fashion, baby," and the song for Aziraphale is "he's living in a material world, and he is a material girl." This is so fucking true for me.

C: I don't know I've ever heard those songs. I think I only know the lyrics 'cause they're referenced in textposts.

G: You don't know "Material Girl"?

C: No. I know "Immaterial" by SOPHIE. I think that's enough material songs to know. [G laughs]

G: Well, all you have to know about material girl is Aziraphale is one.

C: Got it.

G: Yeah. So we're in Mesopotamia. Crowley shows up, in the most beautiful voice goes, "Hello, Aziraphale." [laughs] I am so enamored by Crowley, and I think it is hugely because this is Aziraphale POV episode, and so we see Crowley from Aziraphale's perspective.

C: And they're just like, way hotter now to you because of Aziraphale thinking they're so hot?

G: Yeah, I think so. [laughs]

C: I think that this is just what Crowley's like 'cause they're my special little princess. But yeah.

G: Crowley asks about the sword and Aziraphale says, "She's never mentioned it again. So..." This sword definitely will be relevant. I am sure of it.

C: Yeah. Maybe it's already been relevant.

G: Has it? Okay. Well, as they talk, it is revealed that this is when Noah's ark happens, so it's The Great Flood and everything. So right now, all the animals and all of Noah's family and blah blah blah are being loaded up to the ark, and in explanation of this, Aziraphale says that "God's a bit tetchy," which I have viciously added to my vocabulary.

C: Tetchy's a great word.

G: Tetchy. Yeah, I love it. And so She's sending a big storm. Crowley's asks if everyone is going to die, and Aziraphale says, "No, just the locals. God's not angry with the other people of the world."

C: "God's not upset with the Chinese." But as you, Grey, said, if God's not upset with the Chinese, why am I suffering so much right now?

G: No, for real. If God isn't upset with the Chinese, Aziraphale and Crowley should have kissed by the end of Season 1 and not in a miserable Season 2.

C: Exactly.

G: Crowley looks around and sees children, and-

C: Specifically, he sees goats and children-

G: [laughing] Oh yeah! Oh my god!

C: - goats and children in the same shot.

G: No, that's funny as hell because the next line is, "Not the kids. You can't kill kids." and it could very well may be the goats.

C: [laughs] Exactly! Okay. So the thing about this scene is, I think, [laughing] the first time I cried while watching this episode, when Crowley says that line. Just, okay. She's been here for 1000 years right? Like, they were here before childbirth.

G: Way before.

C: Yeah, they like, were here before humanity. They were here before Eve. They were here before Eve gave birth and like, before they like, witnessed Adam and Cain in some way which, like, is in a lot of fanfictions. Go check them out. And-

G: Who the hell is Adam and Cain?

C: Sorry, Cain and Abel. [G laughing] I don't give a shit.

G: Okay, okay. Anyway.

C: And like, yeah, okay, he's been here for a thousand years, and in that time, like, he's learned to love children more than any other thing on earth. Because, like, someone asked Neil Gaiman, "What is Crowley's favorite animal?" And he replied, "Kids." And that works so well, 'cause like, children do ask questions all the time and are disobedient and like, irreverent, and like, of course Crowley would like that. And yeah. I don't know. It's so, so good. Also, if you wanted to read a kidfic- a book fic that is a kidfic is "A Glittering Instrument" by malicegeres, and it's about Crowley having a daughter, and everyone should read it.

G: Crowley points out that this is all so horrible, and it feels more hellish than it does heavenly. And Aziraphale's like, "Yeah, but, you know, the Almighty is going to put up a 'rain bow' [both laugh] after all this, so it's not that bad." And the words "rain bow" has been playing in my head constantly since I watched this episode. And he almost says, like, Aziraphale almost says, you know, "God's plans are-" and Crowley goes, "Are you going to say ineffable?" And that stops Aziraphale from saying it. And, you know, it's just Crowley pointing out that like, "Isn't this all so horrible?" and blah blah blah. Anyway, a unicorn runs away [laughs], which I thought was funny. And yeah, it starts raining. RIP.

C: Okay. So I would say that Crowley does point out, but I think Aziraphale knows the whole time like, that it's fucked up.

G: Yeah.

C: I don't think he means a single thing that he's saying out loud. Like, in the scriptbook, they have taken out a line where Aziraphale's like, "Oh, I really shouldn't be telling you this because you're a demon, but-" before he goes into the explanation of the Noah thing, and even before that happens, he's like, wringing his hands and like, pinching his mouth and stuff, and it's like when Crowley arrives, I feel like he's so relieved that he can finally tell someone who he knows will be sympathetic about this.

G: Yeah.

C: 'Cause he can't tell the humans 'cause like, he can't. And he can't talk to Heaven about it because all of them are like, "This is great. What do you mean?" And like, he sees Crowley, and he's like, "I haven't seen this person in a thousand years, but like, he thought that God was punishing the humans too much when She kicked them out of Eden, so like, this is like, maybe the one person I can talk to who will go like, 'No, you're not crazy. This is fucked up.'" And like, Aziraphale won't voice that out loud himself, but he is like, giving Crowley ins to just like, criticize God out loud, so that Aziraphale can just like, have that around. [both] Yeah. And also, I think Aziraphale also says, "Crowley, you can't judge the Almighty" before the "God's plans are ineffable thing," which I guess is gonna be relevant when they break the fuck up. [laughs]

G: Yeah. I mean, a repeating thing that Crowley says in the St. James's Park in the breakup scene is that, like, he says, "We have a lot in common, you and me." And then later, he goes like, you know, "It's our side. We're more similar" and like, etc etc. And this is very much like, "Oh, this is where it starts," you know? Like, they are more similar [laughs] than Aziraphale would care to admit.

-

C: We cut to- I have no idea how to pronounce this. Golgotha? Golgotta?

G: I think it's Golgotta. The thing is, little aside about the name, I was actually surprised that they usde the word Golgotha because in every prayer, every like, gospel, every station of the cross that I've ever been to, attended anything, it's always Calvary. It's never Golgotha. Ad like, I know, the word Golgotha, but like, it is constantly always Calvary. And then like, sometimes there's an aside of "aka Golgotha," you know. So when it showed up, and I was like, "Huh! That's interesting. What are the difference between those two words?" And Golgotha is an Aramaic word, and Calvary is Latin. I don't know what the implications of that are. I really don't. I just like- it caught my attention and I thought it was interesting.

C: Which one came first or whatever?

G: I don't know what language came first but I think I am to assume that the Golgotha is what they called it there, and Calvary is kind of like, the translation to Latin.

C: That makes sense. Interesting. So we're in Golgotha, 33 AD, which means it's been 3037 years since the last scene. [G exhales loudly] That's half the lifespan of the earth. What the hell? Do we think they've seen each other since? Probably. In fact, yes, so.

G: Wh- is that a spoiler? Or like, does it happen later, or- Okay, well, whatever. But I do think that they've seen each other before this. But there's no like, proof in this episode. It's just vibes to me.

C: Yeah, it is just vibes. Right, so their looks. Aziraphale’s wearing like, a turban and white robes, and Crowley has like, black robes on, and sort of like, a looser, like, scarf as like, a hood over her face. And it is confirmed by Neil Gaiman, and also just people studying their clothing styles that, like, Crowley is female-presenting in this scene, and that does make me crazy and insane. So yeah. God. Good for her.

G: Crowley looks so good in this scene. Can I just say that, like, I'm sorry, Jesus. [both laughing] I know you're being crucified right now. But have we considered that Crowley looks so good in this scene?

C: While you were spreading your arms, I was spreading my legs, etc, etc.

G: No, for real. Yeah! [C laughs]

C: But yeah, okay. And also, like, her hair looks really good. Because I feel like in earlier ones, like, I feel like, I've heard people describing her earlier hair looks as like, "hair just got invented." Like, the wig isn't that great.

G: Literally- do you know that post that's like, "After trans people start presenting like, more masculinely or femininely or whatever, like, give them some leeway because they're just figuring this shit out. Like, you didn't have perfect hair in middle school, so fucking let them be. Let them figure it out." That's how I feel about Crowley in the beginning. Like, literally, let her figure it out!

C: Yeah, yeah. But here, her hair is like, beautiful and wavy.

G: It's been figured out.

C: Yeah, it just looks very, very nice. Very groomed.

G: Yeah. It's like, swooped a little bit to his side. Ah! So nice!

C: Yeah, yeah. Hello! Aziraphale's watching the crucifixion, and Crowley comes up to him and asks, like, "Oh, you've come to smirk at the poor bugger, have you?" And Aziraphale's like, "What? No. Why?" and Crowley is like, "Well, you- like, Heaven did this." And Aziraphale goes, "I'm not consulted on policy decisions." [laughs] Hilarious. Absolutely hilarious. Also, like, I don't know. It's nice that Crowley is like- that both of them are hurt a little bit during this conversation. Like, both of them care about Jesus a lot or whatever.

G: Yeah.

C: Aziraphale calls her "Crawly," and she says, "Oh, I've changed it. Crawl just wasn't really doing it for me. It's a bit too squirming at your feet-ish." And she says that her name is now Crowley, and [laughs] I think I started crying again [G laughs] 'cause I love trans people so much. Like, the fact that this is like, her first female-presenting form coinciding with her first name change is really really nice. It's really nice.

G: Yeah! I know, yeah.

C: And- tell me more about your name, babygirl? Like, is it because of like, crows like the animal like? Do you like those? Like, what's up? I would like to hear. Aziraphale proceeds to get to deadname Crowley for like, 500 years after this.

G: [laughs] I know.

C: But you know. We'll get to that. [both laugh] [both] God. They talk a bit about Jesus, and Crowley says that, you know, "He seemed a very bright young man," and she showed him all the kingdom of the world just because his travel opportunities are limited, and she wanted to give him a shot at that. You're Catholic.

G: Hell yeah.

C: Wasn't it the devil or something who did that? Who did that?

G: I think it was the serpent in the garden of something.

C: Oh, okay. So this is just her continuing her role.

G: Yeah, like, Jesus prays for a bunch of days in a garden, and the serpent comes in and is like, "Ooh." I think maybe that was it. I may be completely fucking wrong, but you know.

C: Okay. I thought that the tempting Jesus was like, part of what God wanted. Was it just like, a solo policy decision on Hell's part? I don't know. They have like, a joke thing that I thought it was boring, who give a shit, that was just like, Crowley being like, "What was it he said that got everyone so upset?" "Oh, it was 'be kind to each other.'" "Oh, yeah, that'll do it." Okay, man. Whatever. Who give a shit?

G: [laughs] That's not what Jesus said! But okay.

C: [laughs] That's not what Jesus said. He would not fucking say that.

G: [laughing] I mean, he would probably say that, but that's not the reason why he got crucified. Come on, man!

C: Yeah.

-

G: We go to Rome.

C: Only eight years later!

G: Eight years later, yeah. And [laughs] this is a scene.

C: Okay, yes, but outfit review first, right? Okay, they're both in togas, right? I have two notes about the togas. First, Aziraphale's a crew neck and Crowley's is a v-neck in the draping, so like, eternal slut since like, 25 BC- or, sorry, no, we're already in AD, so-

G: [laughs] The notes are fucking wrong.

C: - eternal slut since 41 AD. Secondly, like, they both have clasps on their togas, and Aziraphale’s is like, an angel wing, and Crowley has, like, a black- or sorry, a silver snake clasp that's also sort of shaped like the letter omega.

G: Hell yeah.

C: So. Something to think about.

G: [laughs] Make of that what you will.

C: Make of that what you will.

G: Yeah. So in here, Aziraphale is at a tavern in a table playing some like, stone game by himself when he overhears Crowley by the bar, ordering "a drink." Any drinkable thing.

C: With the worst hair that he's ever had.

G: Well... Well, "ever had," but I think he gets worse hair later. It well may be.

C: Huh! Interesting. I think I am a big fan of the Rome hair because of how stupid it looks, but one cannot refute that it looks really stupid.

G: I love it.

C: It's just like, David Tennant's regular hair, like, close-cropped, but like, they've just like, glued ringlets, like, around at the bottom. Like, there's not even a blent-

G: You know what I want to say?

C: What?

G: I think the worst hair Crowley's ever had is his hair in 2019.

C: [laughs] For real!

G: So miserable.

C: God. Grow that thing out again or so help me god. He gets even worse hair in Season 2.

G: No! Well, sad! But yeah, Aziraphale is so excited to see him!

C: I know.

G: He is so excited. And, you know, he approaches him and then goes, "Fancy seeing you here! Still a demon?" which is so, like, "Do you come here often?" [C laughing] Okay. He literally- this is flirting. They're flirting. Am I delusional? I don't think I am.

C: Well, first, he deadnames him.

G: Oh, yeah, that's true! [laughing] Peak flirting.

C: Well, at least he self-corrects. Yeah, he goes, "Crawly? Sorry, Crowley. Fancy running into you here."

G: He doesn't bother to do it later.

C: Yeah. He doesn't. What's wrong with him? It's been 8 years, and I understand that time works on a different scale for them, so like, I'll let this one go, but 500 years later? [both laugh] Girl.

G: No, it's funny, because, like, at the beginning of this scene, Crowley seems like, a bit pissed off. Like, he's like, snarky and all that, 'cause, you know, Aziraphale asks, like, "Oh, still a demon?" and he goes, "Oh, what kind of stupid question is that? What else am I going to be? An aardvark?" like, he's very snarky, and it's not delivered in a kind, comedic way. Like, he's like, irritated. Aziraphale, completely unfazed by the snark. And he asks, like, "Oh, are you gonna be in Rome long?" And Crowley goes like, "Oh, I'm just here for a quick temptation." And Aziraphale volunteers the information that he is here to have some oysters in Petronius's new restaurant and that Petronius does remarkable things with them. And Crowley goes, "Oh, I've never had one." And Aziraphale [C screams quietly] goes, "Oh. Well, let me tempt you-" and Crowley, like, does a dramatic turn of the head at him.

C: Yeah. And they look so amused. There's such a fond smile on their face.

G: Yeah! Like, Aziraphale very coyly goes, "Oh, wait! That's your job, isn't it?" And Crowley, like, softens up. And, you know, because he was snarky earlier, but this comment makes him smile a little bit, and they smile. [laughs]

C: They are going to fuck each other so raw and so hard. [G laughs]

G: It is so wild to me that they literally were like, Aziraphale literally was like, "Hey, I want to eat the most notoriously aphrodisiac food there is," and Crowley's like, "Never had it." And Aziraphale's like, "Oh, wait. Let me tempt you." Hello? Hello? Is anyone here? [C laughing] Is anyone here? [C screams] They're literally- it's crazy. As I said earlier, this was the scene where I was like, "I get it." And unbeknownst to me, I will get it further later on. But at this moment, I already did get it.

C: Yup. Yup. You sure did get it so raw and so hard.

G: [laughs] Yeah.

-

C: So we cut to Wessex, 537 AD.

G: Isn't it Wuhssex? I don't know.

C: I have no fucking clue. Sure. It's Wuhssex. Why not? Probably.

G: I'm so sorry, British people. Is this in England? I don't know.

C: I don't- Yeah. King Arthur, right? So yeah. Okay. Aziraphale is slaying. He's in like, this silver armor thing, and he's wearing like, this white cape with like, fur on the shoulders, and like, he looks great. Crowley's outfit later is just like, regular black armor, no embellishments that I could see. Like, this is like, maybe the one century where Aziraphale looks better than Crowley does outfit-wise. 

Yeah, he's here to meet the Black Knight, and like, one of Crowley's like, henchpeople sort of beckons him forward, and then Crowley shows up, and, like, is all dramatically like, "You have sought the Black Knight, foolish one. But you have found... your death." [G laughs] And Aziraphale's immediately like, "Hey, is that you under there?" But, specifically, he goes, "Is that you under there, Crawly?" And Crowley, at this transphobia, takes his entire helmet off and goes, "Crowley!" [laughs] Which is so-

G: He is just like me for real.

C: Yeah, he is just like me for real.

C: One more thing, Heaven refers to Crowley as Crowley in the present day, right? So like, I really wanna like, see the episode where like, Aziraphale finally, is like, "Okay, I've gotten used to the new name," and, like, goes up to Heaven and tries to register Crowley's name change with them [G laughs] without revealing that they're friends. Gabriel's like, "Okay. So like, they're using a fake name, 'cause like, they're on Earth doing trickery." And Aziraphale's like, "No, it's like- they seem like they were like, really into this one, like, for real though." [both laugh] And it's just that back-and-forth for like, an hour.

G: Aziraphale's like, "No no no, it was Crawly that was the ruse [C laughs] and Crowley is the real name." Like, he would do that.

C: Exactly! Exactly! "In his wiles, he had Heaven record the wrong recording so he could hide from us better." Yeah. So, you know, they start talking a bit, and Crowley says that he's here to spread foment, fomenting dissent and discord, whereas- I mean, Aziraphale says, "What is that? Some kind of porridge?" which is pretty funny. I do remember that line pretty well.

G: Aziraphale starts being insanely funny here. [laughs] Like, every every scene after this, he is comedic genius of all time.

C: Yeah. Aziraphale has been- he's a Knight of the Round Table, so he's working with King Arthur to foment peace [G laughs] as he puts it. And Crowley's like, "Okay, so what's happening is that we're both in like, this terrible damp place, and everything we do is just canceling each other out. So like, we should just stay home and tell head office that we did everything they told us to do." Aziraphale's like, "Well, [both] it is a bit damp."

G: And I think about it constantly. The way- I- he is sooo... I wuv him.

C: I understand. And at this suggestion, he's like, "But that would be lying!" Like, he's so so shocked.

G: Bro, you lied so hard and so raw in 4004 BC. [both laughing]

C: You lied to God! Yeah, yeah. But, you know, he has to at least put up the front. Because, like, immediately after "But that would be lying," He goes like, "Oh, but they'd check!" Like, [laughs] he goes straight from "Lying is wrong" to like, "Oh, but we could never get away with it." [laughs]

G: Literally.

C: Which like, so real. But Crowley, seems to imply that Hell is less surveillance-y than Heaven, so like, at least like, she'd be able to get away with it, which I mean, I guess, turns out to be mostly true. Crowley keeps trying, and Aziraphale's like, "Absolutely not. I am shocked that you would even imply such a thing." He stalks off and like, it's just such a- it's such a silly little breakup argument ending. Like, the whole like, "We're not having this conversation." "Right." "Right!" Like, god bless.

G: Yeah. But, also, I mean, this is- like, the more I thought about it, I was like, "That's probably not what happened," but when this first happened, when Aziraphale left, I was like, "Well. He's leaving." Like, Crowley said, "Let's just leave," [laughs] Aziraphale left. So like, he just did the thing! [C laughs] It was like, my first reaction, so I thought it was actually like, a funny bit of like, whether Aziraphale agrees or disagrees, it's the same result. Yeah. Now that I think about it, I'm like, "No, no, no. Like, they're fomenting somewhere else. But they're still fomenting." But at that moment, my kneejerk reaction was that, and I thought that was pretty fucking funny.

C: It is pretty fucking funny. Book fact: The Arrangement starts in 1020, so it takes 500 more years before Aziraphale agrees to this. But, I mean, I guess it also means that they hung out a lot during those 500 years to get that to happen!

-

G: Yeah. 'Cause our next scene is Globe Theatre, London, 1601. Nine years before Caravaggio died. [C laughs] This is a famous theater, right? Like, until now. It's still up?

C: Yeah. I think it's been like, rebuilt and things. Yeah.

G: Yeah, of course. But you know, it's still an establishment.

C: Yeah, it's like, where Shakespeare performed his plays, so.

G: Yeah. There is a performance happening, but there are very very few people in here.

C: Aziraphale is slaying outfit-wise, I must say.

G: Oh, hell yeah.

C: It's like this silvery-

G: This is the one with the collar, right? The frilly collar?

C: Yeah, he has a ruff.

G: Yeah. Love it so much.

C: Whereas Crowley shows up with a fucking goatee. Also, sunglasses. I mean, he also had them in Rome. They were slaying. These ones are also slaying. He looks great. His hair is luscious and beautiful. His like, sleeves are puffy. Love that.

G: There's very few people in the crowd. There's like, maybe, like, three people watching and like, two people selling stuff to the three watchers. Like, it's that kind of crowd. But Crowley shows up, and we learn that they were supposed to meet up here because they expected a lot more people, and they expected to blend into the crowd.

C: I'm curious about the circumstances of their meetup.

G: No, yeah!

C: Because it's like, Aziraphale decided where they were gonna meet. But he also asks Crowley, "Hey, what are you up to?" which implies that Crowley was like, "Let's meet," and Aziraphale proposed the place?

G: Yeah, it's was a bit weird for me. Because when I was rewatching this scene, and I forgot how like, the conversation pans out later in terms of Aziraphale asking Crowley what he's up to, I thought solemnly that Aziraphale asked him to come here. And then in my head, I was like, "But Aziraphale doesn't want to do the thing, and he wasn't the one who suggested it. So did he just ask Crowley to like, watch Hamlet? [laughs] What is this?"

C: Yeah. And yeah, also, 'm also confused because Aziraphale tells Crowley about his Edinburgh assignment, and like, it seems like Aziraphale at least thinks Crowley doesn't know about it. So why would Crowley have asked him here to like, consolidate assignments if he didn't know that they were going to the same place?

G: No, yeah, exactly. So were they just going on a date? What is this?

C: Was this just hanging out? Was this just to hang out? But like, Aziraphale’s like, “Oh, you've gotta be up to something.” I think maybe they're just hanging out.

G: Yeah. Crowley goes, "Oh, the reason why nobody's here is like, because this is one of Shakespeare's gloomy ones, isn't it?" And me and Crystal looked up [both laugh] the timeline of publication of Shakespeare. So this is Hamlet. And before Hamlet, there were only two tragedies published at that point. So it's Julius Caesar and Romeo and Juliet.

C: Uh-huh! It sure fucking was Romeo and Juliet.

G: [laughs] The way this conversation is going, we kind of assumed that Aziraphale has seen all of Shakespeare at this point-

C: Yeah, he's a big fan.

G: - and Crowley has seen at least- at least one tragedy. So 100% chance, pretty much, of Aziraphale having watched Romeo and Juliet and [both] 50% chance-

C: - that Crowley has done it. Yup. Mm-hm. Mm-hm. So, you know, just something to think about. Just something to fucking think about.

G: Is anyone else going insane? Something to think about! Literally, what if the J stands for Juliet? Like, have we considered this?

C: Yeah, no, yeah. Earlier, we were talking about- Yup. Maybe the J stands for Juliet! What if it fucking does?

G: What if it does?

C: God. It's so corny, like, I don't even wanna ascribe myself to having said that. But like, what if does?! [G laughs]

G: What if it literally does?

C: Imagine if the one that he'd watched was Julius Caesar, so the J actually stood for Julius, and he has no clue about Romeo and Juliet.

G: [laughing] And it was Anthony Julius. God. [overlapping] It was literally Anthony Julius Crowley. [both laughing]

C: God! What a loser!

G: Well, anyway. Shakespeare is there and goes up to them and like, Aziraphale's like, "Oh my god! He's coming here." And then asks them to be more engaged in the production. And the Aziraphale was like, "Oh, like, when the ghost of his father came on, and I said, 'He's behind you!'" [both laugh] God, he is so fucking- like, this is so funny to me. 'Cause, well, let's get into it when we get to the other line. But Shakespeare's like, "Yeah, just like that." And then he orders the performance to continue. But the guy who plays Hamlet is like, upset that nobody's here. So he expresses this upsetness, and Aziraphale's like, "Noo! You're good. I love all the... [both] talking!" And Hamlet goes like, "Well, what does your friend think?" [C groans] And Aziraphale very quickly goes, "Oh, he's not my friend. We've never met before. We don't know each other!" And Crowley is like, right beside him, just smiling and being like, "Oh, I think you should get on with the play."

C: Yup. Is it anecdote time?

G: Should we talk about it here? Exactly.

C: Yeah, it's anecdote time.

G: Okay. I mean, this scene, this specific line is presented to us in a comedic way. Like, it's funny. And it is. But the way it continues on in this story, it becomes, you know, evident that it is something that bothers Aziraphale  a lot and etc etc.

C: And it also hurts Crowley.

G: Yeah. So with all that in mind, let's talk about this running theme of Aziraphale denying Crowley and his friendship. [both laughing] Me and Crystal are gonna share personal anecdotes. Should I start?

C: Yeah, do your thing.

G: Okay, well, so my anecdote is that when I was in high school, my girlfriend at the time was very touchy. She was very like, oh, she'd hug everyone, and she'd like, when she's walking down the hall with her friends, she'd cling to their arms and all that. But she was also closeted, and I was, well am, whatever. I was very visibly - and known by everyone as - queer. So like, she would hug everyone anywhere. But me, I only get a public hug when it's time to say goodbye, and we're in the car park lot, and we've made sure that nobody can see us, and we're hidden by all the cars. And even then, you know, it's with much nervousness. And the thing is like, of course she couldn't treat me like a romantic partner in front of everyone due to the closetedness. But also, she couldn't treat me as a friend. She couldn't treat me the way she would treat all her other friends. Because here, even just the friendship, even just the association, even, is already too revealing. It's already like, "This is too much. This is telling the world too much." And Aziraphale denying Crowley the friendship, the term "friends," like, reeks of that feeling. Like, when this happened, like, my mind was immediately transported to that experience.

C: Yeah. Sure was. I guess my anecdote, that one actually came up for me in Episode 1 when Gabriel was talking to Aziraphale, and he's like, "Wow! It's so lucky that you two never ran into each other," and like, that was my first like- God, even having talked to each other is too much, is too revealing for the two of them. And it was exacerbated by this scene. So okay, my anecdote is that after Danica and I broke off our engagement, we went to Claire's and we shoplifted best friends forever necklaces to wear in lieu of an engagement. And one of the necklaces especially- well, there was one that was, you know, the half heart magnet one, and the other one was like, a ring that had, like, "best friends" on it, and so, I mean, we were feeling great. We'd done it. We got out. We were sitting in the car, we had our necklaces on. And then it was time to go home, and I took my necklace off, and I shoved it to the bottom of my backpack. And Danica was like, "Oh, what's up?" And I said, "Well, my parents already think I'm in love with you, so." And she was like, "But it's a best friend's necklace. Like, it explicitly says best friends on both of those things." And I was like, "Yeah. But still." And like, the "but still" is just like- first off, like, I am closeted to my parents, but I also look the way I look.

G: [laughs] Yes. The closet is glass, yeah.

C: So like, they're on the verge of suspicion at all times. They suspected that I was into girls before I was into girls because of the way that I talked about Danica in sixth grade, like, after I'd just met her. They asked me like, a lot of follow up questions that, looking back are like, "Oh, that's what that was about." But luckily, my ignorance protected me during that time. So it's just like, again, it's about the mere act of friendship being too revealing. It's about how like, just saying that- like, showing that I valued her enough to like wear a friendship necklace, like, it was just very clear that for her, like, with me and her, like, it could not be like, a non-romantic gesture. Like, it had to be something that they would question and that I wouldn't be able to explain properly because I can't talk about her like I do my other friends to my parents, unless I like, [laughs] really hastily compare to my sister. So like- yeah. I don't know. It's- yeah. That's more about like, Aziraphale and Heaven. Well, yours is also about Aziraphale and Heaven, but also everyone. So yeah. I don't know. I get it, and it sucks. It's very queer.

G: I think it's important for Neil Gaiman [C laughs] to acknowledge, like, whether in text or in Word of God that Crowley and Aziraphale are queer. Like, it is a queer relationship. Like, they are gay. [C laughs] But even without that acknowledgement, it is undeniable that that is the story here.

C: That's what is happening.

G: It's about a relationship that has to be hidden in this way because of its inherent nature, which is that it is gay. And it's not even just like, it's like, queer in the human sense, like, it's queer in Heaven, in Hell, on Earth, you know? Like, from every single elevation that you look at it from, it is gay. So [C laughs] that's my statement. Yeah.

C: It sure fucking is. Also, you don't have to be a man to be gay, Neil Gaiman. Like, even if they don't identify as men, they can still be gay, Neil Gaiman. You have such a limited view of gender, as the "Rainbow Dress" TikTok person said. [G laughs]

G: No, literally like, I've been saying this, but the statement, like, "Aziraphale and Crowley are gay men" really is very much a case of like, "Aziraphale and Crowley are men." Okay, I'm not completely sure about that. But "Aziraphale and Crowley are gay"? Like, [both] this we cannot possibly not possibly refute. We cannot possibly refute it.

C: It's not possible to refute it! Jesus Christ! There's so much.

G: Anyway. [laughs] Whew! Anyway, so the play keeps on going, and Hamlet goes, "To be, or not to be. That is the question." And Aziraphale [C laughing] pipes up so, so, so joyfully, "To be! I mean, not to be! [C screams] Come on, Hamlet, buck up!"

C: [laughing] "Come on Hamlet, kill yourself!"

G: He literally said, "Kill yourself, Hamlet!" God, he's so funny.

C: I can't believe Crowley invented saying "angel" as an endearment but Aziraphale invented saying KYS. And, also, he directs the first half of "Come on, Hamlet, buck up" to like, Burbage, like, acting on stage, but like, midway through, he turns to look at Crowley, and he's just looking at him, smiling so joyously, and Crowley's like, looking back with like, a small smile on his face.

G: Yeah! And it's so sick and twisted.

C: It's soo sick and twisted! Who let this happen? Who let them have eyes?! Ah! [screams]

G: Good lord. You know, Aziraphale says that the actor is very good, and Crowley, while while Shakespeare is right beside them, Crowley goes, "Age does not wither nor custom stale his infinite variety," which is a line in Antony and Cleopatra-

C: Yup. Said about Cleopatra, though, the pronouns do change, which is interesting.

G: Shakespeare overhears this and write it down. What I find interesting is this is like, the one time that he or both of them really speaks in the way people of that time would speak, and it does make me wonder whether they're like, how are we supposed to interpret this? Have they always spoken this way or is this like, a there's a filter going on? And we're seeing it in this way, but the way they would have said it at the time would be completely different? Like, during this time, did they just speak in like, Shakespeare English? Or did they speak in this way? And, you know.

C: I just thought Crowley was like, doin' a bit of like, improv poetry.

G: [laughs] I see. Well, okay.

C: But it is possible that there's a filter, because, like, people would not understand them. But I also think like, like, Crowley shows up, like, her first words are like, [both] "Well, that went down like a lead balloons" before balloons were invented. So like, I feel like they've always been a little bit out of time, out of touch, etc etc. And I am losing my head when they're not around.

G: This is true. Anyway, as they watch, and Hamlet keeps on being performed, Aziraphale asks what Crowley wants from him. They have some banter on like, Aziraphale always thinking that Crowley's up to something, but eventually Aziraphale says that he has to go to Edinburgh for a blessing. And Cr-ow-ley goes- sorry. [laughs] I'm so sorry [C laughing] to everyone for pronouncing Crowley "Cr-ow-ley."

C: [laughing] The person that sent that ask is just rubbing their hands and adding another tally.

G: Literally. And Crowley goes, "Oh, me, too. I'm going there to tempt someone."

C: This is the first time we hear that Aziraphale has ever had a job. [laughs] Do you know what I mean? Like, in Episode 1, like, we know what Crowley's up to. She's out here taking down phone lines, like, etc etc, like, she's in Rome for a temptation. But like, it's like, what is Aziraphale's job, even? What is "Going to Edinburgh for a blessing"? What is a blessing? What does he even have to do?

G: I mean, he was fomenting peace! [both laugh] So that was a job.

C: You're right. I'm sorry. He was fomenting peace. I should have recalled. But, you know, some things are so difficult to remember even after 500 years!

G: [laughing] This is true.

C: God. I do wanna make it clear that I think both of them are trans. Like, I don't think this is a fail ally moment from Aziraphale when he gets Crowley's name wrong. It's just like, some trans people never change their name, and they're also like, terrible at changing other things.

G: For real. Anyway, Aziraphale acts offended by all this. He's like, "Oh, you cannot possibly be suggesting what I infer... you are implying." [C laughs] Which is truly a way to word it, and truly a way to say in a show such as Good Omens Season 1. [C laughs] Literally, [overlapping] you cannot possibly be suggesting what I infer you are implying, Neil Gaiman.

C: And he, like, lowers his voice and sort of turns away a little in this one.

G: Yeah, yeah. One of them should do the blessing and the tempting, both of them. And we learn that they have done this dozens of times now.

C: So, if 600 years- 581 years, so I think it's about one every six years is what that looks like.

G: What's this? Like, how many did you-

G: I just assumed a hundred because they wouldn't say hundreds until it got to like, at least 200.

G: Yeah, that's true.

C: So dozens seems like, maybe like, a hundred.

G: Crowley is on the side of "Nobody give a shit." [laughs] But Aziraphale says, "If Hell finds out, they won't just be angry, they'll destroy you." [C makes pained sound] Which is fascinating. Because again, anytime from here on onwards, like, the, you know, the last scene when they were in Wessex, Aziraphale's first response is, "Heaven's gonna get me into trouble." But now, it's like, "No, Crowley, you're gonna get into trouble." And we see this consistently throughout a lot of the other scenes. Like, with the holy water shenanigans, this is kind of Aziraphale's main point always. And the thing affecting Aziraphale is pretty much always secondary, and that sure is something! Anyone else here gay as hell no matter what, this we cannot possibly refute? [C laughs]

C: Yeah.

G: So eventually, Aziraphale agrees, and they do a coin toss, and Aziraphale has to go.

C: Do we think that this was a fair coin toss? Because we hear like, a sound when it happens that's either like, a coin toss sound effect or a miracle sound, in which case, that means that Crowley, like, purposefully made Aziraphale lose.

G: I think it's fair. I'd like to think it's fair.

C: You have such faith in love. I don't think it's fair.

G: I literally do. Shakespeare on the side is talking to a vendor and goes, "Ugh. It would take a miracle to get anyone to come see Hamlet." And Aziraphale and Crowley hears this, and Aziraphale, like, glances knowingly and expectantly at Crowley, and Crowley goes, "Agh, fine. Okay. I'll do that one." And yeah. Now, Hamlet is probably the most famous play of all time.

C: Yeah. They're crazy. Yeah. The way that Aziraphale looks at him so hopefully and like-

G: I know!!

C: They're soo. Oh my god, yeah. And like, it's also just about how like, this isn't like, just for Aziraphale. It's about how Crowley like, wants to be a nice person, but needs an excuse to do it, and, like, this is like, a flimsy-ass excuse, but it is at least something that he can hold on to for a reason. And like, I think I read a post about this that was specifically about like, how, Aziraphale saw like, Crowley like, recite poetry- or like, come up with poetry just now, and is like, "Oh, like, this is like, something that they care about. Like, they're a theater person. Like, this is like, something that they'd want to do, and like, they like Shakespeare." And that's- agh. I don't know. That's so nice. I really like their dynamic here, where, like Crowley, is tempting Aziraphale into harmless sin, and Aziraphale is tempting Crowley into like, harmless doing good because it's just what they both want, but they need an excuse to do it. Aghh. Yeah. Also, Crowley does say at the end, "I still prefer the funny ones," which, I mean, okay, like, according to the timeline, I think he's seen Much Ado About Nothing. So yeah. Everyone stream Tennant and Tate Much Ado About Nothing right now. And also, stream Tennant's Hamlet while you're at it.

G: Hell yeah.

C: Hell yeah.

-

C: So we cut to Paris, 1793. It is the Reign of Terror, and Aziraphale is in an outfit.

G: He sure is.

C: You said you had feelings about this outfit. Hit me with the feelings about this outfit.

G: No, I have positive feelings about this outfit.

C: Okay. It's pretty good. He has pink satin shoes on. Good for him. And basically, he's like, manacled and is about to get executed, guillotined, and all that for being so clearly a rich guy. And like, I mean, my whole thoughts about the handcuffs during this scene were like that, like, Tumblr screenshot of a Discord image that's like, someone sending in all caps, "WHAT WOULD YOU USE A GUN FOR OTHER THAN SEX ??????????" And then, like, fifty crying emojis. But like, that's me about the handcuffs here. What would you use handcuffs for other than sex???

G: Literally.

C: What's happening? But yeah. so he meets Jean-Claude, who is his intended executioner. And Aziraphale is like, immediately, like- I don't know how to do it, but he's like, he can't speak French, and he's like, "Blah blah blah, this is a grande... mistake. Uh. Erreur." [G laughs] Adorable. Great.

G: Yeah. He is so important to me.

C: He is pretty important to me also. Like, last episode when you were like, "And they speak every language, right?" And I was like, "Yeah." And then this episode, it's like, "No. Actually, no."

G: No, I think he could, though, right? He should be able to.

C: Yeah. He said he's out of practice at the French. Well, we'll learn more about that. But the executioner, I mean, you know, they just have an exchange where he's like, "Oh, I love executioning so much. I can't wait to execution you." [laughs] I know that the word "executes" a thing. And Aziraphale’s just- I'd say he's tetchy about the situation. [laughs]

G: Pretty tetchy.

C: Jean-Claude is like, inspecting his neck, and, like, Aziraphale pulls away, and he's like, "No! Dreadful mistake discorporating me. Oh, it'll be a complete nightmare."

G: And also, this is the first time we hear the word discorporate, I think.

C: No, we hear about it when we-

G: No, like, in this history.

C: Okay, yes.

G: But yeah, we hear about it in-

G: Was that in the car?

C: Episode 2? Yeah, when he was driving.

G: Last episode, yeah. God. It was just last episode? It feels like a lifetime ago. [C laughs]

C: It was 6000 years ago.

G: I think it's interesting 'cause yeah, like, they set it up here, discorporathing, and then later, they have conversations about "destroying you completely," and like, I feel like this line is here to separate it from that.

C: Yeah.

G: To be like, "No, no, no. Like, that's different. Like, what Crowley is asking for will legitimately kill him." So yeah.

C: It's gonna send his ass to the Empty. Time freezes. Crowley freezes time. Or he just freezes Jean-Claude, but I'd like to believe that he freezes time. And shows up. And like- [G laughs] Okay, so firstly, Aziraphale is like, "Oh, like, you're all animals." And like, he hears behind him, "Animals don't kill each other with clever machines, angel. Only humans do that." And his face lights up, like, so much! Like, so much. And he goes like, "Crowley." And then he like, turns around, and it's like, what- what's happening here? What is going on? Can anyone hear me?! [G laughs] So Crowley is sprawled on the ground in a pose that I know she was practicing in the mirror for 15 minutes. Like, she wanted to be here earlier, but she was like, "No, okay, so and then I'll say- and then, like, he'll turn around, right? And I'll be like, on the ground, like, sort of like, leaning back with like, my knee propped, and like, blah blah blah blah," like, god bless. Also, her hair is very silly, and I'm a fan.

G: Aziraphale turns around, and upon seeing Crowley and Crowley's outfit, goes, "Oh, good lord!" Like, in a like, "eugh" way.

C: That is not my interpretation, but you are free to do that.

G: Okay, what was your interpretation?

C: He's so horny that he can barely walk?

G: No he wasn't! He was like, "God! You're ugly as hell no matter what, Crowley." [C laughing] Well, that's what I took from it, and it reminds me of that one Gianmarco Soresi bit where he says, like, "If you're a guy and you want someone to accurately, like, honestly tell you how you look, you should ask a gay man, because they have two traits that you need for an accurate judgment, which is that 1) they're attracted to men, and 2) like, they have the absolute lack of empathy that only a man can possess." [both laughing] And that was my immediate thought when this scene happened. Literally Aziraphale going, "Oh, good lord!" was so fucking funny.

C: Okay. I personally saw that, and like, him like, giving Crowley like, a once-over, and then like, turning away as like, a "Oh, you look positively indecent" sort of thing-

G: No!

C: - in that he is so horny he can barely walk, which I think is like, the fandom interpretation. But honestly, yours might be more fun. Especially 'cause Crowley is dressed as like, a French peasant, but a stylish one in order to like, blend in. You know, Crowley asked what Aziraphale's doing here, and he goes. "I thought you were opening a bookshop." Which also makes me emo because it means they're like, in contact, like often! [G screams] 'Cause Aziraphale doesn't start building the bookshop until the 1790s, so like, they've been talking like, regularly. Like, they ask each other about their weeks maybe. You know what I mean? Agh!

G: [shakily] Yeah! [laughs]

C: And then Aziraphale says that he got peckish because you can't get decent crepes anywhere but Paris. We don't know how he got here. Yeah. So Aziraphale either took a boat over, which I don't know how long that would take, or he mirrored himself here, which I think the second one is a lot funnier, but like, honestly, both of them are funny.

G: No, I think it is the second one because, quote-unquote, he got "peckish." Like, that's not like, that's an instant, quick feeling, you know? Are we supposed to think that he spent- what? Week-

C: The English Channel doesn't look that thick on the map. [G laughs] But it would probably be a while, yeah.

G: Yeah. He has to go to the port? Like, are you fucking kidding me?

C: Yeah. He does not have the patience. Well, that's incredibly funny of him. Also, I love that he said that he got peckish because, like, they don't feel hunger, I'm assuming. Like, he can't actually feel peckish. Like, this isn't something that he needs. He just wants it. Which is a fun distinction with the two of them. 

And, you know, Crowley goes, "You came over here dressed like that?" And Aziraphale goes, “I have standards.” God bless. We learn that Aziraphale says that he didn't miracle himself out of this because he was reprimanded last month for performing too many frivolous miracles. I mean, I don't know if it's bad writing, or like, he's just like, lying. [G laughs] 'Cause like, he miracled himself over here, and later, he miracles himself an outfit- or he doesn't miracle himself an outfit. He miracles instead of just like, swapping clothes with someone. That's frivolous. So that's that's what he says. Okay. I think that it is just like, a writing inconsistency. But the idea that is just fucking lying so that Crowley can rescue him is pretty fun.

G: Yeah. Based on the deleted scene that [laughs] we will discuss here like it i an actual scene, I think it is true that he got reprimanded.

C: Yeah, yeah. Good point. Well, sorry, Aziraphale. And Crowley says that they're here because Hell sent him accommodation for outstanding job performance. And Aziraphale, like, very offended, is like, "So all this is your demonic work?" But no, the humans thought it up themselves. Yeah, Aziraphale says that, like, you know, "Maybe I should say thank you." And Crowley, like, gets up, very intense. "Don't say that. If my people hear I rescued an angel, I'll be the one in trouble, and my lot do not send rude notes." So I guess this is supposed to be like, our "maybe the wall slam wasn't so unprecedented" moment, but I still think the wall slam is stupid as all hell, and that she would not fucking. But yeah. This is like, something that they're quite intense about, like, yeah. Can't say thank you 'cause it makes it real, etc, etc. [G exhales shakily] Yeah. Yeah. Ya. [G laughs]

G: Ya.

C: Right, you know, also, Crowley's undone the handcuffs and Aziraphale's sort of like, rubbing his wrists. Why would you use handcuffs for anything but sex??? [G laughs] Anyway, I do say that I found the "my lot do not send rude notes" line sort of annoying just from a book reader perspective because they do have the exchange where Crowley is talking about how Hell's going to punish him for losing the Antichrist, and she goes, "You'll be amazed at the kind of things they can do to you down there," and Aziraphale goes, "I imagine they're very similar to the sort of things they can do to one up there." Like, there's a lot more Heaven and Hell equality in like, how bad they are and how aware both characters are of that in the book. So it does annoy me for this to be portrayed as like, "Hell will punish Crowley worse than Heaven will punish Aziraphale" because they're taking an equal risk.

Because Aziraphale can't say thank you, he decides that they should get lunch together. And this is something that they mentioned in Episode 1 as something that Crowley has to pay him back for.

G: The thing is, in Episode 1, I said like, "Oh, it's just work for them, and that's why they don't even remember it, like, who was who's side or whatever." But like, actually, it was not work. [laughs] It was Crowley saving Aziraphale's ass. I don't know. Like, this, for me, changes the like, "them forgetting" part of it from like, "Oh, they've forgotten it because it's just work, and it doesn't matter" to like, "They are forgetting it because this exact scenario has happened countlessly many times already" that it's common now. And like, I find it so endearing that Aziraphale doesn't remember that but remembers that they had crepes.

C: Hm. I think my interpretation of that would be more like, "Here are the parts of our relationship that are safe to talk about, and here are the parts that aren't." Like, I don't actually think that either of them forgot. I think that when they say Paris, 1793, they know all of it.

G: They both know what they're talking about.

C: Yeah. But they will just mention the crepes, because that was like, the safe part of it.

G: Aww. Awww. Okay. Yeah.

C: And then Aziraphale fucking kills a guy.

G: [laughs] Literally. He kills a guy.

C: He fucking kills a guy! Oh, later at the bandstand, "Oh, I can't kill anything! I'm nice!" You killed Jean-Claude. You murded Jean-Claude. You killed him! He does a miracle to swap their clothes, and new guillotine people come in. They see Jean-Claude in Aziraphale’s fancy aristocrat clothes, and they take him off to the fucking guillotine.

G: Exactly. Like, this reminds me of that one famous like, Trixie and Katya clip that I think I've sent you where like, Katya asks Trixie, "What's the straightest thing you've done?" And Trixie like, sits down and thinks about it and goes, "I killed a guy." [C laughs] Like, literally, this is the straightest thing Aziraphale has done. He killed a guy.

C: Yeah, he sure did. But like, they don't treat it like it is a thing, so I guess it just isn't. We shouldn't treat it as a thing. But, like, come on. He killed a guy. He 100% killed that guy. And like, after Aziraphale kills that guy, Crowley is like, "Well, dressed like that, he was asking for it." Like, she's like, "You just killed a guy, and I'm backing you up because he wanted to hurt you." [G laughs]

G: I mean, also, I want to point out that like, last episode, you were talking about how Aziraphale was just making his acts of service boyfriend acts of service him. And at the time, I was like, "Okay." But like, I get it. I fully get it now. He literally is asking his acts of service boyfriend to acts of service him.

C: Yup. He sure fucking is.

-

G: Well, before we get to the actual next scene in the episode, we shall talk about the deleted scene-

C: Seven years later-

G: From the scriptbook. Yes. So it's seven years later, and we are at a bookshop.

C: We will reblog this onto our Tumblr because it's okay in a special edition of the scriptbook that isn't available online.

G: Why? Ohh.

C: Someone scanned it and put it online.

G: We are at the first few days of construction, or maybe like, the last few days of construction of Aziraphale’s bookshop, and like, he's getting the sign done, he's putting books on the shelf, all that, when Gabriel and Sandalphon shows up. And they're all like, "Aziraphale, we have some excellent news. You're being assigned back to Heaven!"

C: Specifically, "You're being promoted back upstairs," which, you know, tells us that his current job [both] is a demotion. Maybe as punishment for the Garden of Eden.

G: They're expecting Aziraphale to be very happy about this, but all he says is, "But I'm opening the bookshop on Friday!" Truly a moment. But yeah. It's a whole thing. They give him a medal. And Aziraphale  just straight up goes, like, "I don't want it." And as this is happening, he looks over Gabriel's shoulder and he sees, quote, "the worst possible thing that he could see." And it's Crowley, and he is holding a package and waving "cheerily." And upon seeing this, Aziraphale goes, in a way, I think, to warn Crowley, that like, "This is Gabriel and Sandalphon. Like, don't do anything." He goes, "But only I can thwart the wiles of the demon Crowley!" And, like, Crowley in the back, his face falls, and then he points at the package and mouths, "Chocolates!" [C screams] He bought chocolates. He bought chocolates for Aziraphale.

C: I just- this a housewarming gift for the bookshop, I'm assuming, but it's also like, this isn't for Friday, the day that it opens to the public. It's like, for like, I'm assuming that this is like, Thursday or Wednesday or something. This is like, "We've talked about this privately and like, let's hang out. I'm very happy for you, blah blah blah." God! He literally brought chocolates!

G: Gabriel says, "Oh, we're sending Michael down here, so you don't have to worry." And like, in the back, Crowley is going, "Michael? Michael's a wanker!" which I love. And Aziraphale tells Gabriel that Crowley is cunning and brilliant, and has been here for as long as Aziraphale has been also. And Gabriel's like, "What? Do you like him or something?" [C screams] And Aziraphale says, "No, no, no. I loathe him. But I respect a worthy opponent, [C laughs] which he isn't, and I don't respect him. Or like him."

C: "Because I cannot respect a demon and I cannot-" like, I'm not allowed to. [groans]

G: Yeah. And Gabriel's like, "Okay." And then goes, like, "We're gonna go to Heaven, but before that, we're going to the tailor shop. So, bye." So they go to the shop, and as Gabriel is putting on the outfit or whatever he hears Crowley talking to a "creature from Hell." [C laughs] And, you know, the conversation is like, "Ah, my evil plans, thwarted again. Has Heaven sent a champion here on Earth who thwarts... thwartingly?" [C laughs] I love it. And then we see that Crowley actually just set up a bunch of mannequins, and like, put hoods over them and is doing some voice modulation shit [C screams] to pretend that they're like, other creatures.

C: I need her.

G: First of all, transgender. Second of all, I would have loved to see this scene!

C: I know!

G: So fun. And there's a line there that you pointed out, which is that, he is acting accordingly to the acting style of the time. Yeah.

C: Which is so cute, I think. Like, he and Aziraphale go to shows together, and sometimes, like, she goes to shows alone because, like, she likes the arts, and like, she's acting in the style of the time!

G: Yeah. Anyway, the creature is like, "Oh, Master Crowley, I've heard that your nemesis Aziraphale is being sent back to Heaven!" And Crowley's like, "Oh my god! That's amazing! I was going to drink holy water [C laughs] because the angel always thwarts me so hard and so raw, [C laughing] but like, now I won't!" And he goes like, "Only he knows my wiles well enough to thwart them." And so we go back to the shop, and Gabriel is now telling  Aziraphale that, "Oh, no, no, no. You're staying, actually. Keep the medal." And before Aziraphale can even say anything, Gabriel and Sandalphon have left.

C: Yup. And Aziraphale never knows why they left.

G: Yeah.

C: Like, just the fact that Crowley is able to express like, "Oh, I don't want Michael here, like, she sucks," but like can't or won't tell Aziraphale "I want you to stay bad enough that I did this very silly thing." Yeah. Whew.

G: Whew. Yeah. We're not even to the big parts yet. [both laugh] Well, we're about to be.

-

G: Our next scene is at St. James's Park, as in the part that they frequent in Episode 1, and it's 1862. And Crowley pretty much looks the same. [laughs] Like, there are some choice differences in his look right now, and his look in 1941. Was it 1941? onwards. But like, this is the look. Like, he's found it, you know? And I am so sorry everyone and God, but I have actually watched this spoiler, which is- it came across my YouTube recommendations, and it was a- what's it? A behind the scenes alternative take on a scene of Aziraphale dancing. The description said that it was from 1880. So in that video, his outfit is exactly the same as it is in '41 and now. So like, between 1862 and 1880, he found his style, and he just didn't let it go, ever.

C: This scene is the first instance of his waistcoat, which is his favorite thing ever. 'Cause it's like, kind of ratty, but he has it, and he'll always have it. I love him.

G: Yeah, I don't know. I really like that he found like, an era, and was like, "I belong here." Do you know what I mean? And he lived there, and even if the era has passed, he's like, "I belong there." And, I don't know. I like that. I like it. I wike it. I like it.

C: And I also like the era that he's chosen is like a period in which he and Crowley didn't talk after this fight. Like, this is like, his self-actualization, like, decades or whatever

G: Did they really not? Like, is that a legitimate- is that an assumption, or-

C: The scriptbook in in the 1941 scene has a stage direction that I will read aloud later.

G: Okay. Well, we're at St. James's Park, as I've said, and-

C: Crowley has terrible, awful sideburns. Sometimes gender euphoria comes out of cost to me. Right now, he's living it up as a guy with the worst sideburns.

G: Anyway, Crowley is depressed. I don't think that's a misinterpretation.

C: I don't- that's not how I interpret it, but I don't think it's a misinterpretation.

G: How would you interpret his actions in his scene?

C: Holy water can kill any demons. It could just be to like, kill other demons that come after him or- What do you mean?

G: Well, he is so sad!

C: He's- I guess so. He is an amount of sad.

G: Okay. Let's get into the scene. So Crowley says, like, "Oh, I'm worried that things will go wrong." And he goes, "If things do go wrong, you and I, we have a lot in common." And, Aziraphale says, like, "Oh, well, we both started out this angels, but, you know, we've since diverged paths due to the you Falling thing."

C: He's like, really judgy and mean when he says it. Like, both of them are like, in moods today.

G: Yeah. They're tetchy. Yeah. Crowley says, like, "I didn't really Fall. I just sauntered vaguely downward." And, you know. Crowley says, "If things go wrong, I want insurance." And then he hands Aziraphale a note. And we don't see the note immediately, but we see that Aziraphale’s face is like, he's upset. And he declares that what Cr-ow-ley- [both laugh] he declares that what Crowley is asking is out of the question. And he says, "It would destroy you. I'm not bringing you a suicide pill." And this is what I mean, like, I think it's curious how this scene, Crowley is so different from how he usually acts. I think that's what I- he's completely different. And he has been like this long enough for Aziraphale to genuinely think that he wants the holy water to kill himself.

C: Yes. Though, I mean, again, this is like, an insurance thing. So even if it was to kill himself, it would be like, you know, like, when you're getting tortured and like, you take like the pill so that the information doesn't get tortured out of you kind of thing. It isn't like, a "he's actually suicidal."

G: Yeah, I mean, I don't think he's actually suicidal, but I think it's curious that he's so so so worried when all the scenes before this has been him being like, "Ah, it doesn't matter. Ah, it's fine."

C: Yeah. I agree that that is so different.

G: Here, it's such a- yeah, it's such a vast difference. And, yes or no. Do we figure out what happens between chocolates scene and this for this to be the case?

C: I think there's stuff in Season 2 that could help you interpret things. Yeah.

G: Ah. Okay. Well, Aziraphale goes, "Do you know what trouble I would be in Heaven if they knew I was... [both] fraternizing?" And like, he says other things too, but what the camera really focuses on is Crowley doing the most dramatic head turn ever seen in the history of the world, and goes, "Fraternizing?" And Aziraphale says, "Well, whatever you wish to call it."

C: Well, I'd say before that, like, when Crowley says like, "That's not what I want it for. I just want it for insurance." Aziraphale goes, “I'm not an idiot. Crowley.” What does that mean? Like, "You are obviously suicidal"? Like, what does that mean? Or is the "I'm not an idiot" regarding the like, "I'd be in big trouble with Heaven" thing, in which case, is he accusing Crowley of deliberately endangering him?

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah?

G: I don't know. No, no, no, not yeah as in "yeah," but like, "yeah" as in I get what you're trying to ask, and I also don't know the answer, but I agree that it's a fascinating question. This is surely a scene

C: What's happening? Yeah. Aziraphale's panicking, I think, and I think the way that he reacts when he's panicking is to just pull out the old "You're an evil demon trying to hurt me" or some shit.

G: Crowley goes, "I have a lot of other people to fraternize with, angel."

C: They're not even fucking. What is this about?

G: [laughs] Yeah.

C: Can you believe they're having this exchange, and they haven't even fucked once?

G: And Aziraphale goes, "Of course you do." And then he starts walking away, and Crowley goes, “I don't need you!” [C screams] And Aziraphale turns away to say, “And the feeling is mutual! Obviously!” And Crowley just stands there looking at the note that Aziraphale threw into the water burning up and then mockingly goes, “Obviously.” [both laugh] A scene. It is a scene. Also like, this, in my head, for some reason, Crowley has just been in there, saying lies, and the lines that are being said are, "Lord, heal this bike," and "Obviously," and- what's that? The "Eternity!"

C: And the "Shaddup."

G: And the "Shut up!" Literally. He's just in there.

-

C: So we cut to London 1941, and like, this is the scene of all time, but first I do have to be like- Okay, what my thing is, I feel like, okay, there's no historical scenes in the book, right? And I think part of that- I don't know if that's part of that, or just like, why I wouldn't put historical scenes in a book like this- is that I think it begs the question like, if they were here-

G: Why didn't they do anything?

C: - during, yeah, some of the worst things in human history, and they're powerful, like, they have powers, why didn't they do anything? And like, sure, Aziraphale's like, doing something here, but like, the most nothing thing. Okay, like, it's not nothing. If he was a human, this would be a very brave thing for him to do, but like, as someone who cannot die, this is like, kind of nothing at all.

G: I think the reason why that thought- like, it did cross my mind, but it wasn't as egregious as it would be if it was in something else is that they very obviously handicap Aziraphale and Crowley in terms of powers.

C: Right, like, they get reprimanded and things for their miracles. Yeah, I mean, that is something that I've thought about. But also, like- I feel like I'm not like, mad at them. It's more that-

G: It's curious, yeah.

C: Why, you would even write a scene that provokes that question without really bothering to answer said question. Like, write it in a way where it seems like you yourself were not even thinking about the question when I feel like the question is so obviously there. I feel like if this was in the book, if there was just like, a sentence in there that was like, you know, like, "Because of like, limitations and stuff, they could only do what humans could do and what humans could do was like, very little, but also like, a lot sometimes," or just like, something about like, Good Omens general humanism and how like, Aziraphale and Crowley are citizens of Earth, blah blah blah blah blah, it would be fine. But I feel like, here, it's just like, "Okay, but why did they do anything?" But yeah, I mean, whatevs. Like, it's not even something that I think about that much until I'm taking notes because this scene is so fucking romantic that sometimes you forget that there are like, literal Nazis here? And like, maybe that's- yeah. 

Anyway, Aziraphale's here. He has a cute fucking hat on. Good for him. Also- like, the worst thing that could possibly happen to the world - Mark Gatiss is also here. But sometimes we have to live with such things.

G: He sure is. Yeah, you know, I think I know Mark Gatiss from Sherlock only, but I understand that he is relevant in the British media economy.

C: He wrote a lot of episodes of Doctor Who that were bad. And, you know.

G: I mean, I didn't even know that he is involved in making Sherlock for a long time.

C: Oh, you thought he just played Mycroft, and that's it.

G: Yes, yes.

C: No, he fucking co-wrote that thing, and boy, was it not a good show. [G laughs]

G: I don't have no feelings for Sherlock whatsoever. It's just a show that I watched with my sister when I was younger.

C: Good for you. You escaped a lot of- a lot of time spent on Tumblr saying things that made absolutely no sense.

G: Well, I'm making up for it now! [laughs]

C: Yup. So Aziraphale shows up with books, and he greets two people, one of whom is Mark Gaitas with a German accent. And supposedly, he's been obtaining books of prophecy for Hitler.

G: Also, he gets called Mr. Fell, which, I think- is this the first time

C: Well, yeah, I mean, if you look at his bookshop at any point, like, it does say A.Z. Fell.

G: Yeah, but I didn't really do that.

C: But yeah. That is the name he goes by.

G: He is Mr. Fell. Yeah. I was asking Crystal, like, is it "Aziraphale Fell" or is it "Azira Fell," and Crystal was like, "A.Z. Fell," and I was like, "Oh my god! Just like T.S. Elliot for real." And you know what? He may as well be like T.S. Elliot for real.

C: He may as well. They mention Agnes Nutter, 'cause it's the only true prophecy book, but Aziraphale says that, I mean, he just can't get it.

G: Apparently, there's only one copy of it in the world. Like, the Anathema copy, and that's it. 'Cause all the other copies were unsold and therefore burned by the publisher.

C: So, you know, they put the books into a bag, and then, like, one of them, goes like, "Oh, like, thanks a lot. But also, we have to kill you now."

G: Oh, anyway, I want to mention a fun little journey that I went through. At some point, Aziraphale goes, "Oh, but we preserved one prophecy, and it's that in 1979 or whatever, do not buy Betamax." And I was like, "Wait. That's an actual word?" Because in the Philippines, betamax, as we say it, is a street food. It's like, coagulated blood, and then you cut it in squares, and then you grill it. It's pretty good. And I was like, "Wait, what?" And so I Googled it, and apparently Betamax is a brand of cassette tapes, and they're black, and betamax, the food is, you know, it's cut into squares that are dark, so it looks like a cassette tape, so they named it after the cassette tape.

C: That's so fun! That is so fun.

G: Isn't that so cool? I know. I love it. And you know what? Agnes Nutter, I will buy betamax. [C laughs]

C: So, upon the gun being drawn on him, Aziraphale just like, does a little head tilt, and like, a pout-ish thing, and he goes, "Well, that's not very sporting." Which is soo cute.

G: He literally is like, pouting. Yeah, he's so. Agh. Somebody needs to get their dick sucked, and it's not gonna be me. [C laughs]

C: This woman appears behind Aziraphale, holding a gun pointed at the Nazis. And Aziraphale is like, "She is like, Captain Rose Montgomery of British military intelligence, and like, she is here to imprison your entire Nazi spy ring. She recruited me to work for you." Which, see, that also bothers me that like-

G: Yeah. There's no initiative on your part?

C: Aziraphale was, what, just chilling in the book shop until someone came up to them and was like, "Hey, help us." Like, I'm sure he could have been doing other things, and like, maybe it would have been like, trivializing, if like, they like, threw in a random line about how he's like, helping shelter people or whatever. But like, this is like, "Okay, so like, you didn't even take initiative, bro." 

He's like, "Okay, and like, Captain Montgomery, like, all her agents are here, they're surrounding the building. And you two have been- What is that lovely American expression? Played for suckers." But then it's revealed that, in fact, she is also a Nazi, and this was a setup, and she turns the gun on Aziraphale, and he does the most dramatic gay gasp of surprise! And that gif is present in a post that goes, "When you're a miniature poodle and it's time for your nightly anxiety medication and your owner drops an extra pill pocket on the floor." [G laughs] Like, yeah. That's that face.

G: Literally.

C: Fraulein Greta Kleinschmidt says in German that it was very easy to fool the shithead bookseller because he's very gullible. Which, no, he's not! Okay, you know, I think I need to stop hoping that, like, Aziraphale will be like book Aziraphale and just think of both of these characters as new characters, but I just do have to say that there is a scene in the book where, like, it says that basically, like, mafia guys and things would come to Aziraphale’s bookshop-

G: Oh yeah. I've seen this too.

C: - and suggest that he'd like to sell the shop. And either they would bribe him.

"Or, sometimes, while they were talking, other men in dark glasses would wander around the shop shaking their heads and saying how inflammable paper was, and what a fire trap he had here. And Aziraphale would nod and smile and say that he'd think about it. And then they'd go away. And they'd never come back. Just because you're an angel doesn't mean you have to be a fool." So they slandered my boy. They slandered him. They slandered him to death. God.

G: They did. Yeah. I mean, like, the double-cross, it's unessential. Don't particularly- yeah.

C: Yeah. I don't know what the deal is. This entire-

G: [laughing] Well, I guess if they didn't do the double-cross, Aziraphale really is just helping Hitler. So maybe the double-cross is essential.

C: Well, I'm saying that Captain Rose Montgomery in quotes didn't have to double cross him. I think they're just having.

G: Yeah, but then she would die, and they won't have their romantic moment, because there's another person in there. [both laughing]

C: God. Put her in the Victims of Yaoi Poll. But yeah, this is all played funny. But like, this must hurt. Sorry, Aziraphale. [G laughs] Like, he thought this whole- like, he was probably spending this whole time being like, "I really wish I could do something, but I refuse to take initiative 'cause I'm afraid." And he did a thing, and now this is what the result is. F. He does his whole, like, "You can't kill me. There'll be paperwork!" thing. And then, behind him, he hears sounds of the silliest person in the entire world coming down the aisle towards him coming down the aisle towards him! The aisle of a church! [both laughing] In case we cared about that at all! You know. In case we cared! 'Cause this didn't have to happen in a church! It didn't have to happen in a church. Just gonna say that. So-

G: I mean, it did have to happen in a church, 'cause he needs to see the holy water and the ground thing.

C: Sure. Sure. I guess. I guess.

G: I mean, he didn't have to see the holy water, really. I don't fucking know. None of this ever had to happen. Like, why was this book even written? [both laughing]

C: None of this is even in the book or the Bible. So Crowley's hopping down the aisle towards Aziraphale because this church is consecrated ground. "It's like being at the beach in bare feet!" Aziraphale's quite angry that Crowley's here at first, and Crowley goes like, "I'm stopping you getting into trouble." And then Aziraphale goes, "I should have known. Of course. These people are working for you." Huh? Huh?

G: What do you mean "huh?"?

C: Okay, like, the two interpretations are- I think- The thing is, in Paris, 1793, Aziraphale goes like, "Oh, so all of this is your demonic work. Like, you did the Reign of Terror." And Crowley goes like, "No." So that's why it seems like Aziraphale is saying here that Crowley is working with Nazis? Like, he genuinely thinks that that could be a thing? So okay, that's one interpretation. I think the other one, that like, upon a few rewatches, I would like to believe is what's happening instead is just Aziraphale being like, "Oh, like, this, entire, like, crossing, double-crossing, triple-crossing shit has been like, so theatrical, like, I don't think any of these people are spies or anything. They're just like, actors that you paid to play an extended prank on me." Which, like, I don't know. I don't think- I don't know if that's what he's saying. It's what I would like to believe he's saying because the alternative is quite disturbing to me

So Crowley's like, "What? No, they're just some stupid Nazi spies running around London, blackmailing and murdering people. I just didn't want to see you embarrassed." Which, aww! Like, I know it's also an insult, but like, they have to speak through layers, and it's like, "Aww!" Like, he can't say, "I don't want you to get discorporated because it'll take forever for Heaven to give you a new body or whatever." Like, yeah. She's just there to save his ass. Kleinschmidt goes, "Mr. Anthony J. Crowley. Your fame precedes you." So okay, first off, like, what has he been doing? What is he famous for?

G: What has he been doing?

C: Crowley, what are you famous for? What's happening? I'd like to think that its he's been working against them, and that's why he's famous. But like, it's hard to tell, and we don't know.

G: And he is a demon.

C: Yeah. I mean, I don't think that means that much. But yeah. And then, okay, secondly, advent of the name Anthony, and then I started crying again as soon as the next lines happen, which was- Aziraphale goes, "Anthony?" and Crowley goes, "You don't like it?" And Aziraphale goes, "No, no, I didn't say that. I'll get used to it." And... agh. Ahhh. Okay, wait actually, first, before we get into that, the fucking stage- stage thing is that after someone says, like, "The mysterious Anthony J. Crowley. Your fame precedes you." What the script says is, "Aziraphale is softening. They haven't spoken in a hundred years. He's realizing they are still friends."

G: Oh, good lord. [C lets out several pained laughs]

C: Hi! Hello!

G: So after that breakup, they didn't speak for-

C: They didn't speak for- it was 80 years? Yeah, they didn't speak for 80 years. But like, Crowley had to have been keeping tabs in order to know to be here tonight.

G: Yeah.

C: That's something.

G: But Aziraphale just- I mean, Aziraphale, king of repression for first and foremost, so like, he would very well be like, "I've forgotten about you."

C: Yeah. Also, like, "He's realizing they're still friends." is just like- Like, we know that Aziraphale considers them friends, even if he won't say it out loud yet. But like, it's nice to see that. Like, yeah. [screams] Okay. Anyway. So as soon as, you know, this following exchange happened, I went crazy cuckoo bananas forever and ever. Like, let's just go- Okay, so I went and read the Wikipedia page for the name Anthony, and also like, okay, first off, why do we think he picked that name? Like, I think the immediate response is like, the line he came up with in like, 1601 was from Antony and Cleopatra, so like, you know, maybe that's why he picked it.

G: What other things about the word Anthony did you find?

C: So the thing is in Shakespeare, it's spelled with a T and without the H at first. And in the seventeenth century, the letter H was added into the spelling on the belief that the name derived from the Greek word anthos, meaning flower. So, I mean, that's meaningful to me just 'cause I feel like plants and The Garden are a very important part of Crowley's life. And I also, like, as someone like- since he's someone who went from like, Crawly to Crowley, like, changing one letter and like, redefining that name for himself, I think he would like a name whose spelling has changed over the years to like, redefine the meaning of it also. So I think that that is part of it also. 

The Wikipedia page also says that Anthony as a Christian name comes from Saint Anthony the Great, who's like a saint who, apparently his two things are that there's a lot of art of him being tempted, [G laughs] and that he protects people with infectious diseases, especially skin diseases. So yeah. It's like, I don't even have like, reasons. It was just like, more me reading everything about the name Anthony, thinking about a way it could apply to Crowley, and then going like, batshit for an hour. 

And then the last thing is that it started off as a family name for a Roman family, and the first one of them claims that the name came from a son of Heracles, which I think is very interesting, given like, the story of like, Heracles being tested by the gods, and also like, being forced to betray and kill his own children. Like, these all feel theologically relevant to Crowley and to religion in Good Omens. So, you know, these are these are the three things that I read about.

G: It very well may be just the way I just chose my name, which is, "Yeah. [both laugh] Gotta have a name!" [both laugh] And you know what? You've gotta have a name.

C: Yeah. And I am also curious about how long he's had it. Like, this is the first time it's come up.

G: Yeah. 'Cause it's been 80 years, yeah.

C: It's been 80 years. It's also possible that he had it before that, for all we know.

G: Yeah, and just never bothered to mention it.

C: Yeah, I mean, given Aziraphale's track record. [G laughs] But like, yeah. I just- I also just think that the act of like, having a first name is like, very like, humancore of him. Or just like, you know, it's something that he chose so that he could like, interact with people more, and it's also just like- I don't- it's such a soft name also, in my opinion. I don't know. I just feel crazy at all times forever and ever. And I do think that he probably did come up with it while they were parted because I like the idea of like, when both of them parted ways, they both had a bit of a self-actualization journey, and both of them hung out with humans more, which would necessitate having a first name, and like, with Aziraphale also involved, learning how to dance, and like, pinning down his clothing style. So yeah. I don't know. It's nice, the ways that they have changed when they are away, and it's also so nice when you are the most transgender demon in the garrison, and I have to kiss you so so bad.

G: Yeah.

C: And then Crowley also like, tips his hat for a second. Very cute. And Aziraphale asks, what does the J stand for? And Crowley goes, "Just a J, really." I mean, we've already discussed "What if it's Juliet?"

G: What if it's Juliet?

C: I feel like the main thing I think about during the "Just a J, really" scene is a footnote in the fic "Mutual Aid" that says, "Crowley liked to imagine that the J carried the same radical, transgender spirit as the P in Marsha P. Johnson's name, but in reality, it was more like the lazy S in Harry S. Truman." Very fun. God. I love trans people so much! [both laugh] I'll move on. I'll move on. But I like that the Crawly to Crowley thing is like, during a time when she was like, clearly, like female-presenting and it felt like a transfem thing, and like, here Anthony J. like, feels like, a transmasc thing, especially 'cause like, in the book, Crowley's really into like, James Bond and all that shit, and I feel like a lot of what he's doing right now in the church is like, him having his James Bond euphoria moments. And like, I don't know. It's so fun that they didn't start with a gender, so they can be trans in every direction. Like, he is transfem and transmasc. Like, good for him. Good for him.

G: You can't see me right now- I mean, the audience can't, but like, I'm smiling so goofily. [C laughs] Like, yeah! He is transgender in every direction! It's so lovely.

C: Yeah. He sees the holy water and sort of gets entranced by it for a second, but then the Nazis decide that they're gonna shoot both of them. And at this Crowley, goes like, "Hey, so like, in a minute, there's gonna be a bomb dropped over this church, and if you run away, you might not die." And the Nazis don't believe him. I guess it's nice that he's giving them a chance to run, but also, like, girl, let it happen.

G: Yeah. And like, they say, like, "Oh, it was supposed to drop at the East End, so you're lying." C: And he goes, "It would take a real, like, a last-minute demonic intervention to throw them off-course." And then he says, like, "And if a bomb does land here, it would take a real miracle for my friend and I to survive it." [G screams] It's so casual that I didn't even notice it the first two times I rewatched this episode. He'll just say it! He'll just say it! 'Cause they're friends, and he knows that they're friends. 

So, you know, the Nazis don't believe him. And then, you know, bomb- the bomb fucking drops. And honestly, this is maybe a risky thing for him to have done 'cause like, he knows they're going to die and go straight to Hell, where they could like, tell a demon, "Hey, do you know how we died? There was like, this fucking guy with sunglasses, and this, like, other guy like, dressed in a white suit thing, and like, they like, redirected the bomb somehow, and they said they were friends." But like, you know, whatever, not a big deal. 

So the smoke clears. Somehow, the bomb puts Aziraphale’s hat back on his head. [both laugh] Slay. And Crowley is like, leaning to the side, cleaning off his sunglasses so that we can see his eyes for like, a brief second when Aziraphale goes, "That was very kind of you." And Crowley does like, this smile that makes me insane crazy, and then goes like, "Shut up" as he puts the glasses back on.

G: I want to point out, you can hear [laughs] distant screaming while this scene was happening.

C: Oh, 'cause of the bombs?

G: Yeah, there's literally this deeply romantic moment happening while alive, innocent locals around them are like, buried in rubble or like, running away or whatever. [laughs]

C: Right, so Crowley redirected the bombs to kill the Nazis, but also like, regular people? [G laughs]

G: I mean, there's gotta be people here, right?

C: Yeah, I guess so. I mean, if they were gonna fall on the other end, I guess people would have died anyway, but like- [laughs] Great point. Girl, what?

G: Screaming! Girl. [both laugh] It was very faint, so maybe I'm like, mishearing it or

whatever, but I think it was there.

C: Maybe. Maybe it was just the Nazis? [G laughs] Huh. Okay. What an interesting thing.

G: What's funny is like, it stops pretty much the moment the Disney Princess falling in love music starts because the music drowns it out. [both laughing] Which I think is crazy.

C: I just love that like, the "Shut up" is just so clearly like, fond, and like, with no bite to it at all. After Paris and after we have to see the horrible wall slam, it's nice to finally have a moment where it's like, they're like so caught up in happiness about seeing each other again for the first time in 80 years(!) and being okay, that, like Crowley's not even thinking about Hell, like, for a second.

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah. Aziraphale, he makes a joke about how there's no paperwork to like, calm the situation down a bit. And then, well, you all know this scene. "Oh, the books! Oh, I forgot all the books." And then Crowley wrenches the bag out of a dead Nazi's hand and hands it over to Aziraphale, and goes, "Little demonic miracle of my own."

G: And then- [C screams] the corniest Disney princess falling in love music starts. And it literally is. Like, it sounds like a Disney princess falling in love music.

C: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. It's just so clearly- yeah. And like, Crowley just walks off without looking back, and Aziraphale just stands there, like, stunned.

G: Specifically, Crowley goes, "Lift home?" And like, so they they drove together after this. [laughs] Through the rubble in which people are stuck in and dying. [laughing]

C: Yeah. Jesus. They suck so bad. [G laughs] Tthey don't give a shit.

G: They don't give a single shit.

C: Yeah. Aziraphale stands there, stunned, as the fucking Disney princess falling in love music plays, and he looks after Crowley with this, like, sick, hopeful, I would even say, kind of look.

G: I would say beatific look. [C laughs]

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: Do you get that reference?

C: Of course I get that fucking reference. [G laughs] No one should think about it.

G: It literally is a beatific look, though. I'm being fucking for real.

C: Yeah. And Michael Sheen has stated that he plays this as the moment Aziraphale either fell in love or realized that he had fallen in love with Crowley. Well. That sure was a fucking scene.

G: I want to point out that- so I watched the YouTube clip of this several times, repeatedly. And I took a look at the comments, and one was, "Saving the books was sweet, but walking on scalding, consecrated ground to save Aziraphale paperwork. Now, that's friendship." [both laugh] And I felt so strongly opposed to this idea. So strongly opposed. Because, like, the saving him in the church, it's like-

C: A generic thing.

G: It's nice. But also, if Aziraphale was any other being that Crowley is trying to save, this is what he’d do, you know? He would do this. But it's the book that screams personalization. The saving is nice, but saving the box is like, Crowley screaming, "I know you! This is for you! Like, I'm doing this specifically for you!" And I like that so much. Like, I've said this to you, but the music, even. The music when he enters is like, "Haha! It's so funny! Look at him tippy-toeing!" And then, as the bomb falls, nothing. There's no music. And then the book music is like, "Hey, guys, look at this. Like, this is love in all the ways that we know it and some that we don't." [C makes pained sounds] Like, it's so deeply, deeply, deeply romantic, it's crazy

C: Yeah. Yeah. They're in wuv.

G: They're in wuv.

C: I have one last thing, which is that- Did you notice the, like, bird statue in the church, like, the big ol' stone eagle?

G: No. But what's with it?

C: It's a set piece. It's behind the Nazis when they talk. When the bomb explodes, it is a little bit on fire and behind Aziraphale, for, like, you know, the good ol' wing motif. The idea that his wings are burning as falls in love sure is a thing.

G: Okay, slay.

C: And secondly, that statue is in Crowley's flat. It is in his apartment. In Episode 2 at minute 3:01, you can see it right next to his television. It is the same one. And if he's leaving right now to give Aziraphale a ride, it means that, like, sometime during the night, he was filled with such sick longing that he went back to to the church and like, fished that out as a souvenir and put it in his fucking flat. So.

G: What if they are in love in all the ways that we know it and some that we don't? Have we considered that?

C: What if? What if?

G: What if? [C screams]

C: Yeah. Also, while I was doing my rewatch to find the right timestamp for the set piece, I also- There's a statue that's like, behind Crowley during the plant scene that's like, two angels or perhaps an angel and a demon wrestling, and like, shirtless. [G laughs]

G: Good for him.

C: And fucking Neil Gaiman posted about it on Instagram. Like, he said he was talking to the set designer, and they were like, "Oh, it's a statue of like, evil triumphing over good, like, they're wrestling." And Neil said, "Are you sure they're wrestling?"

G: Slay.

C: So slay.

G: Okay. It's been two hours, I think. But let's go on to the last scene of this flashback sequence.

C: Let us.

-

G: We are in Soho, 1967, and we open the scene with like, a very nice like, psychedelic pop, as the subtitles called it, electric guitar music to signal that we are in the modern era with modern music. And I'm so bitter because I tried to look for this song in the Spotify soundtrack. It's not there.

C: Oh, would it be on Tunefind, then?

G: No, I mean, it's the theme, but it's psychedelic pop electric guitar. And there's like, a song in the album that's like, guitar-ish, and it's what plays at the end of the episodes, I think, except for this one, 'cause in this one they played this version. But like, that one is different. It's more like, a heavy rock guitar, not like [sings theme in style], like, you know. And I'm very bitter and very sad, but anyway.

C: Something about this scene is that it's the first Crowley POV in the entire flashback sequence.

G: Oh, yeah. Oof. It is.

C: And, it just feels like as soon as Aziraphale realizes he's in love, he's like, "I can't be telling this story anymore. It's too dangerous." or something. It feels like that. And it's also just it's also just such a moment of like, you come back to Crowley POV, and you're like, she doesn't know. Like, maybe she knows, but like, she doesn't know. Like, she doesn't know that this is the story of them that Aziraphale has in his head. Yeah. Anyway. Back to heist.

G: Oh my god. Oh my god. [laughs] Anyway, back to the heist. So Crowley is sitting in this like, secluded booth in a restaurant with two people-

C: And controversial hair.

G: I love this. I love this hair.

C: I think the first time I watched it, I was like, "Eugh. That's not right," but like, upon rewatch, it's fun.

G: It is right.

C: And she's wearing like, a fun little black turtleneck. It's great.

G: Hell yeah. A guy enters the booth, and we realize that this guy is Shadwell, but like, in '67, so much younger. And if you're like me and you don't recognize the name Shadwell at all, it's the witchhunter, like, Newton's boss.

C: Wait, when did you realize that? So you didn't know?

G: Yeah, I didn't. I realized it when- you know what's so funny? 'Cause when later, Shadwell was like, "Oh, and we have a Witchfinders Army," like, still in '67, I was like, "Oh, this is like, related to the witch hunter." [both laugh] I didn't realize it was him. I only realized it later when old Shadwell tells Crowley, like, "You look like your dad." And I was like, "Ohh! Okay." So, yeah.

C: Well, remember last episode when you were like, "I'm so intrigued about these human agents that they supposedly had. What did Crowley mean by 'They're not sophisticated politically'?" Well, here's your answer.

G: No, it's so funny to me. They literally are not sophisticated politically, you guys.

C: Both of them are getting scammed to hell and back by the same guy.

G: [laughs] Yeah. So with these three people, we realize that Crowley is setting up a heist in a church, and he doesn't say what the thing they're heisting is yet, so. But, you know, we know it's the holy water.

C: Aziraphale literally saved him from getting embarrassed. Imagine like, these people have $200, like, down in their pockets, and she's like, "Oh, yeah, just like, go over to that fountain and scoop something in a cup for me. Thanks."

G: So when Crowley heads out, Shadwell stops him and tells him like, "Oh, I'm- as I've said earlier, I'm Lance Corporal of an enormous secret army that battles the forces of witchery." And Crowley is like, "Oh, yeah, okay." And Shadwell goes, "It's the Witchfinder Army. Perhaps you've heard of it." And the thing is, throughout this entire scene, Crowley has been speaking in a different way than he usually does. 'Cause throughout history, and now, in recent times, like, he usually like, slurs his words, or like, stutters and like, makes you think that he's finding it hard to find the word in his head. He like, repeats syllables, you know? But in this scene, he has spoken straight. Like, he's spoken with much exuding of confidence, and like, it's obvious he's trying to command the room and all that crap. But the moment Shadwell was like, "Oh, yeah, I have this secret thing, and now I'm just saying it to you like, willy-nilly," he loses his cadence, and he goes, "Wh- wh- I thought you said it was a secret." And I just think that's like, a wonderful acting choice that like [C laughs], he's like, so taken aback that this guy's just telling him things that he's like, "What?" Yeah. I think it's wonderful

C: If we go back to the heist scene for a second there, like, two very unimportant things. One, I love how Crowley pronounces, like, "schtum," like, when he's like, explaining the last $100. It's so cute. And secondly, Shadwell is asking like, "Hey, is there any witchcraft involved in like, this whole thing?" And he asks, like, "You yourself are not a witch, warlock, or someone who calls your cat funny names, right?" And Crowley goes, "Not a witch. Don't have any pets." So he's skipping the warlock part of the question, which I think is fun, because it's either like, he's like, lying by omission, because, like, currently, if he is male-presenting, like, he is a warlock 'cause he does use magic, or it's like, if she currently feels more girl mode, then it's like, "The warlock question isn't even applicable to me right now." It feels transgender. It's fun.

G: Yeah! Anyway, Shadwell offers the services of the army to Crowley, and then I realized that Crowley's people are, you know, this guy and the army. His not-so-sophisticated, politically-speaking people. So when all that's done, he walks to the Bantley, and as he enters, Aziraphale appears there in the passenger seat.

C: Yeah. He couldn't just walk? He literally lives here.

G: The thing is, this scene starts off with Crowley being a bit antagonistic. Like, not antagonistic, I guess, but like, he's like, "Oh, what are you doing here?" Like, that, you know. And Aziraphale tells him that like, "Oh, I live here in Soho. I work here. And I've heard things, and I've heard that you're planning to rob a church."

C: This does beg the question, why did Crowley set up the heist in Soho?

G: You think he's asking for Aziraphale's attention?

C: I don't know. Because it doesn't feel like it.

G: I don't think so.

C: Aziraphale showing up, Crowley has no sense of like, "I did it. It worked" in her, so like, I don't think so. But it could have been like, subconscious or something.

G: Where does Crowley live? Where is his flat?

C: Mayfair?

G: Where the hell is that?

C: I don't know. Let's go on Google fucking maps. I mean, everything in England is like, two hours' drive away from each other, like, max.

G: It's an eight minute situation. It's very near each other.

C: [laughs] It's an eight-minute drive? Oh, yeah, I'm getting a five-minute drive, 13-minute walk. [both laugh]

G: Literally, he can walk there. I love that.

C: That's so nice.

G: So maybe he was just like, "Let's go over to the other town. Why not?"

C: Yeah. I think Soho is more of like- right, you said it was like, more of like, a red light district or whatever at one time? So yeah, I guess it'd be easier to find someone to do a heist for you there.

G: Yeah. Well, anyway, Aziraphale tells him like, "Oh, it's too dangerous." And Crowley's like, "Yeah, you told me that 105 or so years ago, and I didn't change my mind." And Aziraphale's like, "Yeah, I've not changed my mind, but I can't let you do this. Like, I can't have you risk your life in this way."

C: Specifically, he says earlier, like, "Holy water won't just kill your body. It will destroy you completely," which is the exact same sentence structure as 1601, where he tells Crowley, "Hell won't just be angry. They'll destroy you." which yeah, yeah. Something to think about!

G: He hands Crowley this thermos of holy water so Crowley doesn't have to rob the church anymore. And Crowley like, looks at this and goes like, "Wow. After everything you've said to me?" and Aziraphale's like, "Yeah." So he puts the thermos down, turns to Aziraphale, and goes, "Should I say thank you?" And Aziraphale is like, sitting so nervously on the seat, and he goes, "Better not." And Crowley asks, "Can I drop you anywhere?" [C screams] And Aziraphale goes, "No, thank you."

C: Ah, it's just about like, Crowley can't say thank you, so like, "Here's a service that I can provide instead of saying thank you," and then Aziraphale rejects it with a voiced "thank you" 'cause they're back in a safe zone where they can say things in real words again. And it's so much! It's a lot.

G: Yeah.

C: Also, I love that the thermos is like, tartan, 'cause like, that's Aziraphale's whole like, visual motif thing. I'm like, curious about if this is something that he had that he like, brought over, or if, like, he bought one specifically that was like, customized or something. Do you know what I mean? Where did it come from?

G: Yeah. I mean, to be fair, every thermos that my grandmother [C laughs] is also like this. So I think maybe it's just of the era.

C: Yeah, perhaps so.

G: Crowley is still looking at Aziraphale, and Aziraphale looks at him and goes, "Oh, don't look so disappointed. [C screams] Perhaps one day we can... I don't know. Go for a picnic. Dine at the Ritz?" [C screams] And Crowley, in the softest voice he has ever put on this entire time, goes, "I'll give you a lift. Anywhere you want to go." [C screams] And Aziraphale just looks at him and says, "You go too fast for me, Crowley." And then he leaves. [C screaming] Is anyone else seeing this? Anyone else here? [C makes pained sound]

C: Who up throwing up and screaming and crying and sobbing? I.

G: I mean, what you said, of like, "Should I say thank you?" and it's like, "No," and then, "Can I drop you anywhere?" And it's like, he's extending this hand of gratitude and affection, you know, or whatever. And Aziraphale goes, "No." to both. Don't say thank you, don't drop me off. And the next thing Crowley says is like, basically, it's like, "To make it clear, I am willing to do it. Like, I will give you a lift, and I will do things for you," and like, it literally is like, "You did this thing for me, 'cause, you know, you do things for me. And I will do things for you." And Aziraphale basically just goes, "Well, don't." And it makes me- [laughs]

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: It makes me so upset. And also, after saying, "No, thank you." like, Aziraphale could have just left. He could have just left. Like, that was the end of the conversation, pretty much. But like, he didn't. And you can see in the way he's acting, the way he's holding himself, he's glancing over and over again, he had to explain himself, because this is- like, he has thought about this. He wanted to say it. Like, he wanted to say this specific thing. It's a confession in a way, right? It's like-

C: You can only reject a thing if the thing is already there. Like, this is a "Yes, there is something between us" moment.

G: Yeah, like, it's a confession of like, "I will do this thing because, you know, I care about you" and etc. God, [laughing] I can't even say like, "I love you" in Aziraphale voice because it's like, it's too much! It literally is, though. But like, it's also a rejection in the "You go too fast for me." And like, it's a rejection, for now. I mean, the way it's, you know, said, it's like, "Perhaps one day." But also, it's not a promise. Like, "perhaps one day" is not "definitely one day." It's "It may happen, and it may not, but not right now."

C: Yeah. You said to me once- you were like, "It suddenly hit me that like, they really are immortal, and 'perhaps one day' means-" like, they can always have hope because, like, there will always be days that like, maybe something can change, and perhaps one day we can be together that way. And then, like, Armageddon hits, and it's like, "Oh. Those days are fucking limited. And we can't. Ever."

G: Yeah. Yeah.

C: And there's also the fact that they do fucking dine at the Ritz! They dine at the fucking Ritz in Episode 1. They dine at the Ritz in a way that implies that they've done it before. And like, god. First off, like, hilarious moment when Aziraphale first invites Crowley to the Ritz, and Crowley's like, “Holy shit, it’s happening. I can finally fuck that fussy old boulder,” [both laugh] and then nothing happens. Oh, for context, there is a fic called-

G: [laughs] That fussy old boulder, yeah.

C: Let me find the name of the fic because I don't remember the name of the fic. The fic is by spocklee on AO3, s-p-o-c-k-l-e-e. Okay, the fic is called "a German song famously covered by 21 year old Wayne Newton in 1963," and it has the line, "Didn't Sisyphus ever win? Didn't he ever get to fuck that fussy old boulder or what?" from Crowley's point of view, and it's just been running on a loop through my brain, or like, I've been running on a loop through that line, for, like, the last week after reading it, 'cause it's so fucking funny, and like, every time something, like, crazy sexual tension happens this episode, I do think, like, "When will he get to fuck that fussy old boulder?"

C: What do you think the "you go too fast for me" means? Like, what is he trying to say? And also, what do you think Crowley got from it? Like, what do you think he think of it? 'Cause there is the aspect of like, "Let's slow down," you know. But there's also the whole, like, "You are fundamentally too fast for me. It's never gonna change." And I do wonder, like, how they meant it and how they absorbed it, both of them.

C: Yeah. I mean, it's hard to- because, like, Aziraphale looks so, like, despairing when he says it. Like, it's not just like a "Let's have a nice communication about pace in our relationship" sort of look. It's like a- I don't- I mean, but there is the "perhaps one day," and it's hard for me to know how much he even means the "perhaps one day," either. Like, the tone, is very like, "This is just wishful thinking, but I want it, but we can never, ever, ever have it" is like, the vibe that I get from, just like, how fucking depressed both of them look at this conversation. But like, I don't know what he meant. I think it was just like, I don't even know if he knew what he meant. I think it was just that like- 'Cause you said that you thought that this was something he'd sort of like, thought through and wanted to say for a while. I don't know if I really got that vibe from him. I feel like he was just like, in a moment of like, complete and abject misery. 

Like, okay, first of all, he just gave Crowley the thing that he thinks is a suicide pill, right? Like, that colors the scene immensely. Like, this is like, a moment when he's like, "I have just given her the tools by which she can leave forever."

G: Destroy herself, yeah.

C: Like, that's part of it. He's like, upset about that. And it's like, "Our time is even more limited than I thought it was, because before, I thought it was forever, but like, now it might not be. And also, I'm just like, so abjectly miserable right now, and you are like, here and offering me something, and I just can't do it. I just can't do it. Like, I'm not even thinking about the future. I just in this moment am so sad." is sorta just the vibe I got.

G: When I said that, like, he had to explain himself, I think it's less of like, he thought about saying it. I meant like, he thought about this. Like, it's in his head. I do agree with you that like, it's kind of like, a spur of the moment situation. Like, he wanted to say it, but he didn't like, go in thinking, "I will say it." But him staying there and being like, "I'll stay here after the 'no, thank you.'" Like, that hesitation comes from like, "But there's gotta be more, right?" you know? Like, that feeling. "I have to say more, right? I have to make clear. I have to explain myself."

C: Yeah. Yeah. As for what Crowley got out of it, I know what book Crowley would have gotten out of it because book Crowley is an optimist. I don't think show Crowley is an optimist, but I think there would be a moment of like, "Shit. Like, it isn't just me. Holy shit." which-

G: I don't think it happens here.

C: Hm. Okay. We can discuss that. [G laughs] But I think that- I don't know. It is like, the same thing as it's always been. It's just like, that, like, they said it out loud a little bit more than they usually do, but not even that much either. So I feel like there's the moment of like, "Okay, I wasn't just imagining things," and then the like, "But it doesn't change a single fucking thing, does it?" So I think this is where the four questions-

G: [laughs] Yeah, sure. Let's fucking go through the four questions. Me and Crystal-

C: Grey and I independently, while we were rewatching this sequence, were like, "There are four specific questions that we have to ask each of these characters separately." And they are-

G: And then we sent it to each other like, at this same- [laughs] like, literally same, like, within five seconds of each other, we listed out these four questions.

C: We didn't even say there are four questions first. It's just like, we both knew what we wanted to say. And the four questions are: When did you fall in love? When did you know that you were in love? When did you know that the other person was in love with you? And when did you know that the other person knew that they were in love with you? [G laughs]

G: What is this? Let's not- it's too complicated to get it in here, all. So maybe one day-

C: Mm-hm. Perhaps one day. [laughs]

G: Perhaps one day, we can dine at the Ritz. Or make a special episode where we discuss all this shit. But- 'cause the thing is, I don't think I have enough of the picture yet. Like, it's still a big story. So maybe this could be a question reserved for after we finish Season 2.

C: Sure. But you think that all of these timestamps have happened before the present day, at least, right? Or have they not?

G: I think the falling in love and realizing the love for Crowley has happened.

C: Oh, absolutely.

G: For Crowley, "When did you realize that Aziraphale is in love," probably betwixt '41 and '67, right?

C: Between, you think. So you think it happened before this?

G: Yeah. I don't think necessarily it happened before, but I think it may well have happened before. And Crowley thinking that Aziraphale knows that Aziraphale is- has feelings. [laughing] What is it with me? Did you notice that? I was saying like, "When did Crowley realize that Aziraphale blah blah blah," and when it was, Aziraphale, saying that Aziraphale is in love, I stopped myself, and went, "Has feelings?" [both laughing] I'm in too deep! I'm in too fucking deep.

C: I mean, it really is, like. Yeah. Yeah.

G: Yeah. I don't think he's known it yet. For Crowley. I don't think he knows it yet.

C: Yeah, I think I go back and forth on that one. But yeah.

G: You agree with me generally?

C: I think I agree that he realized that the feelings were returned after '41. I mean, honestly, it could have been earlier. Like, Aziraphale didn't know he was in love, but he has been in love.

G: It well may be.

C: It well may be. [makes pained sounds]

-

G: For this general section, I have a thought that I want to share, and it's about the fact that there is no God narration in the entire scenes of the past. Like, we hear God at the beginning asking, but that's not a God narration. That's just God is part of the story, and God is there. But the fact that this is the only part so far in the story that doesn't have God saying anything, like, it made me think, like, "Why? Was God not here? Did she not take any interest?" Like, God narrates Aziraphale and Crowley's story now because the apocalypse is happening, and they’re central to it. The fact that She doesn't bother to narrate this history juju parts is that 1) It makes it seem like She wasn’t looking at all this. Like, She doesn’t give a shit. And 2) it makes the show, at least to this point in the story, very explicitly not about Aziraphale and Crowley’s feelings for each other or relationship. The scenes we see that are related to the plot and narrated by God and all that are the scenes that are relevant to God. And these aren't. So it makes you go, "Oh. So what are we not privy to? Like, what are we not seeing?" And the answer is these moments. You know, it's moments of connection. Moments where either the sole or most prevalent importance is to show us their connection. And like, the fact that God, here, doesn’t care to tell this story is so stark in comparison to Supernatural, which- in Supernatural, for example, it deals with the God question in a "God is completely obsessed with our main characters, sees them all the time, knowledgeable of their every move," all that. But like, not here. In here, God just doesn't care to tell this part of the story. And there's this song by The Mountain Goats [C laughs] called "Jenny"-

C: Yup.

G: - and there’s a lyric that goes, "We were the one thing in the galaxy God didn't have his eyes on.'' And the thing about Crowley and Aziraphale is, this was true. God didn't have Her eyes on them for a long time. [laughs] This is so earnest! This is so earnest! But I hope by the end of this season, it gets to be true again, and I hope that this time, they realize that God isn't looking, and that that's a good thing, and that they're able to savor it.

C: [teary laugh] I'm like, tearing up?

G: Great! [both laughing] I hope I die. God, it's so earnest. What is wrong with me? Well, it is what it is.

C: Yeah. It really is what it is. I guess from my perspective, it's like, I know that none of this was in the book, so like, there wouldn't be narration because the narration is just lines from the book, but like, I love the way that making the narrator God and adding scenes like this in makes that interpretation that you said very viable. It's a good time. And I guess, as someone who's like, "This isn't in the book," my thoughts around the flashback sequence is more just like, "I wonder why this is here in this episode. Like, what purpose does it lend to the present day plot for us to know that this is their history?" And like, it can't just be to make Aziraphale look so bad. [laughs] Like, that can't be all of it. But it is like, my automatic emotional response as a Crowley guy. What do you think this adds to like, the later scenes?

G: I don't know. I don't know. 'Cause like, it really does feel like, just, "This is who they are." You know? It's like, it doesn't- when we get to it, we will talk about it further, but I do not understand Aziraphale later. What is he doing?

C: Okay, you know what, I was basically banking on you being an Aziraphale understander and like, being able to explain what the fuck is happening at the bandstand to me, but, like, clearly, neither of us know! What was that? [both laugh]

G: What's going on inside of his mind? I don't know. Like, why is he so desperate now to be on Heaven's side? Like, what is it? [both]` I don't know.

C: Okay, well, we're gonna have to have a very confused discussion then. But yeah, okay, I don't- Maybe another way to put it is like, if, like, you had up to three takeaways from the flashbacks, like, what would they be?

G: One is- Well, prior to this, I don't think I knew about the arrangement.

C: They mentioned it in Episode 1, but you weren't paying as much attention in Episode 1.

G: That's true. IDGAF back then, but now I GAF so hard and so raw. [C laughs] I don't know. What do I take away from this? They're in love?

C: Yeah. [laughs] They are in love.

G: I woke up shaking three hours into my sleep because they're so in love it's unreal? What is your takeaway? You answer it first.

C: Okay, I think my takeaway is first, just like, a continued thing of like, "Here's their history where Aziraphale won't say things out loud. Crowley also won't say things out loud, but like, in a way that covers up that he won't say things out loud." And like, he's always the one who's like there to say the thing that Aziraphale won't say or to like, get him to do like, something that he wants to do but like, can't do himself, and that's also what Aziraphale's there for. Like, both of them like, generally know what the other person wants, and then allows them to do it. I think it's that like, I think- Aziraphale's fear for their safety. I mean, both of them's fear for their safety, but especially Aziraphale's fear for their safety is like, really expanded upon here. And like, we see how, throughout time, they would have to like, meet secretively and like, all that shit. So I feel like that gives their collaboration more weight in terms of the risk.

G: Oh. I've realized- I've realized my takeaway.

C: Okay. Great.

G: They broke up before, and they're breaking up now, but they'll be fine. I think that's a takeaway. Honestly, that's my takeaway.

C: I think that's also a thing. I think that St. James's Park was like, a "Yeah like, they've done this before." Like, they fight about things, and they don't really communicate afterwards, but they do come back together in some way.

G: Except now there's a deadline because end of the world and whatnot.

C: Crowley always saving Aziraphale also feels like a takeaway. Also, totally new thing that they added to the show. I feel like they're like- I know this isn't about making Aziraphale look bad, but a lot of it does feel like it's making Aziraphale look bad because it's like, a lot of like, "Crowley knows better" sort of scenes. Like, it could have been like, a rescue and then a rescue the other way around, but it wasn't.

G: I think that's actually very important to me that it's Crowley who's always showing up for Aziraphale. So when the last scene happens, it's like, "Oh. Okay." Do you know what I mean?

C: Hmm. In what way?

G: [laughs] So you don't know what I mean. This is so sad. Well, I think it makes it more like, all this time, Crowley has been saving Aziraphale and all that and all that, and it's always shown to be like, something you can brush off. Something that's like, "Oh, it's not a big deal" to Crowley, at least. But most of them are big deals to Aziraphale. And specifically, Aziraphale always either refusing or attempting to refuse, like, in, you know, 1601, like, he's like, "No, no no no. Okay, fine." Like, that attitude makes it that when he does eventually go, "Okay. I'll do it." like, that makes it more like, a realization for Crowley, that like, it is a big deal, and yet he's doing it because- something. [laughs]

C: Yeah. I feel like all the loud, flashy, acts of service are Crowley like, rescuing Aziraphale, but it ends with Aziraphale doing something for Crowley, like, giving her the holy water. And that's like, we don't really understand the details of that. But that's like, clearly a big deal because it's like, something that Aziraphale could get into a lot of trouble for, and that, like, Crowley wouldn't even be able to say out loud in the park, where they have all their secret meetings. Like, it is like way more taboo than like, maybe anything else that like, they've ever done. So like, I feel like that is like a- I think they could have framed it a little better to make that clearer. But, like, that is the like, moment of like, Aziraphale doing his part or whatever the fuck. And also, like, they're allowed to show their love in different ways, also.

G: Yeah.

C: Like, Aziraphale agreeing to the Arrangement is like, a big deal, as you said. Everything that he agrees to, like, when Crowley convinces him to do it is a big deal. Like, that is a huge act of love and trust on Aziraphale's part. So, yeah, Yeah. They're so in love, it's unreal!

G: In all the ways that we know it, and some that we don't.

C: Uh-huh.

G: Okay, so that's it for the first part of the episode. So what we're going to do is we're going to cut this podcast into a Part 1, Part 2. So we'll have 3.1 releasing today and then 3.2 four days from now? I don't know.

C: Yeah. Something like that.

G: It's gonna be there. It's not gonna be a the next week situation 'cause we want- Well, I want to watch [laughs] Good Omens already, so I'm not gonna wait a week for that. So yeah! Follow us on social media! We interact through the account set up for our Supernatural commentary podcast, Busty Asian Beauties. So we are on Tumblr at bustyasianbeautiespod.tumblr.com. And email us at bustyasianbeautiespod@gmail.com. Please do it. Please talk to us. 'Cause, yeah, as you can see, we have a lot to say. [laughs]

C: Yeah. And if you have other interpretations or other takeaways for the flashbacks and all that, would love to hear them genuinely. Yeah. Thanks to everyone who’s donated to our Ko-Fi at ko-fi.com/bustyasianbeautiespod! See you guys next time! [both] Bye!

[theme song]

-

[beep]

[C screams]

G: Shall we start?

C: I mean, sure, let's start. [laughing] Yeah.

G: [laughing] I'm losing it.

C: What? Yeah, I- This is either gonna be the worst or the best episode of a podcast we've ever recorded, because, like, we care so deeply-

G: I care so much!

C: - but also, we're bonkers to the fucking wall. Like, I'm having a nervous breakdown. I'm gonna start eating wallpaper. Okay.

G: [laughing] I dreamt about them constantly [both laughing] this week. It's crazy.

C: Do you wanna drop the timeloop dream, or do you wanna keep that to write? [G laughs]

G: Well, we can add this section at the end, you know, like, as a- But like, I had this timeloop dream, like, immediately after- As in, like I said, I watched it on Sunday. 3-5AM, I had this dream. It was so vivid in my mind that when I woke up, like, you know you have a tendency to be like, "Is that a dream or a memory?" And like, I was just like, "It just happened, I guess, in the show." [laughs] But the dream was that Aziraphale keeps- they're stuck in a timeloop, and Aziraphale keeps getting into trouble-

C: In 1941.

G: Yeah, in the 1941 with the Nazi spies. And then, like, Crowley would, every single night, have to redirect the bomb somewhere else [laughs] so to save Aziraphale's ass. Which like, I mean, the concept is good, actually. Like, that's a good concept for something.

C: I agree.

G: But like, I literally woke up, and I was like, shaking and everything. And then I rewatched the episode, and I was like, "That didn't fucking happen." [C laughs]

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: That's literally not what happened!

C: It's not what happened.

G: But the brain is an imaginative thing.

C: I mean, it could have been what happened.

G: It could have been.

C: We just saw the last iteration of the timeloop.

G: Yeah.

C: Yep.

G: [sighs] Let's start.

C: Yeah, okay. Let's start. Wait [laughing], okay, I have to breathe. [both laughing]

G: Let us go, baby

C: Okay.

G: Also-

C: Yeah?

G: This is like, the first episode in our history of podcasting that I have put in this amount of effort pre-recording. Like, I have 11 pages of notes, [laughing] which is crazy.

C: I have 22 pages of notes if anyone's counting. But, yeah, no, my entire Good Omens notes document is 43 pages long [G laughing] for these three episodes, and pages 21-43 are this episode.

-

[beep]

C: I wanted to tell a really long unrelated anecdote here, but I don't know if I want to anymore, so I guess we can move on, maybe.

G: You can if you like, but okay. It's okay.

C: Okay. No, you know what? You know what? I'll do it. I'm brave and strong. Why am I saying it like that? It's not even an anything anecdote. Okay, so the thing about like, this is that it means that for the last 500 years, Aziraphale's thinking about Crowley with the wrong name. You know what I mean?

G: Yeah.

C: It's not like, just a slip of the tongue sort of thing. Like, it means that like, when he corrected himself in Rome, it was like, that was like, the first time in 8 years he'd thought of Crowley with the right name, and here, it's like, "Wow, for 500 years, he just got it wrong." And like, an opposite story in my life is, okay, so like, I told Danica that, like, my pronouns were changing to they/them in like, high school at some point, right? And then, our situations are such that, like, we really only hang out one-on-one, so there's never-

G: Another person, yeah.

C: - a time when she would have to use my pronouns, right?

G: To refer to you in third, yeah.

C: Yeah. So we spend like, two years like that, and like, the whole time, it's like, good, but like, I guess I am thinking like, "Well, like, when I'm not here, does she get it right? Is she thinking about me correctly? Or like, am I always going to be her girl best friend from sixth grade?" And then like, okay, so like, first, like, okay, someone getting your pronouns right is like, a sign, potentially that they are viewing you correctly in their brain, but it could also just mean that they have a really great, like, brain-to-mouth filter, and that each time, like, while you're there, they're like, on alert, or whatever, so they can translate in the moment, but they're still thinking of you wrong, right? So I was like, "Okay, like, I guess I'll probably just never know." But luckily I did end up knowing, and how I ended up knowing is that the first time I hung out with Danica in a group, which was like, two years after the new pronouns, it was also like, a few days after another friend of ours had recently come out and changed his name and pronouns. So like, we were all together in a group. And sorry to our other friend, but Danica got all my pronouns right, and then fucked up on his name and pronouns a few times, so that was like, simultaneously like a [G laughing] "So she doesn't have a good brain-to-mouth filter, and she is getting my pronouns right," so as a result [both laughing], yeah, I win. I did it. I'm correct in her brain. Hell yeah!

G: God.

C: And again, really sorry to that other guy. Like, she corrected herself, and like, we're good now, obviously, but like, [laughing] it made me really, really happy. And you know what? Aziraphale, do better.

[joyful-soul-collector]

Ex Machina

Welcome to me reacting to Oscar Isaac Movies, which nobody asked for but I don't care! HERE WE GO:

Oh wow it is weird to hear Domhnall Gleeson with an American accent

So this Nathan guy is definitely weird

And not just because Oscar looks WAY too much like my father in this movie

A crack in the glass, that's not ominous at all

Ava is interesting??

Oop power cut. I'm sure that won't be important later

Her drawings are cool

Oof, poor Caleb, sounds like a pretty traumatic car crash

Ah another power cut, featuring Ava! Who DEFINITELY isn't the one causing those

Yeah I figured Nathan wasn't a chill dude haha

Oof yeah not a fan of this Nathan dude lol, he doesn't talk to his workers kindly

Also that woman is an AI, calling it right now

Weird to see Oscar playing a villain. Cool tho! He's doing well

This Caleb guy is a HORRIBLE liar lol

And. Kinda weird to be watching this robot while she's doing stuff. She's an AI, she's likely got feelings, it's weird to be watching her bro

"yeah I just hacked all the phones in the world and now her brain is the internet" sir you are insane

You're telling me that she has the entirety of reddit AND tumblr in her brain

She's going to be a serial killer

She drew the plants in her window! I'm sure that's not a metaphor for anything

Oh I like people watching too! Not the way Nathan does tho lol

Aw she wants to show off her pretty outfit! What she wants to look like! She looks so cute!

Yeah, love, analyzing people's expressions that closely tends to make them uncomfortable haha

Oh and of course we have the long scene where the guy is watching her undress while she's unaware (well, "unaware", she probably knows but it's not like she can stop him)

Pfft Nathan's like "why would a grey box interact with another grey box if they didn't have sexuality" as if asexuals and friendship didn't exist MY GUY YOU ARE STUPID

Aaaand of COURSE she has a robot pussy. Because Nathan is fuckin weird. This whole movie is just gonna be a creepier version of Her isn't it

"oh you CHOSE to be straight? No." the worst person ever is accidentally a gay ally, fuck

I knew she was the one causing the power cuts

Ok the relationship between Nathan and Kyoko is fuuuuuckin weird man

His ripping up her drawing!! What the hell Nathan!?

Ok this is weiiiiird

Why do they always make asian women in movies like. weirdly sexual and stupid at the same time. "uwu I can't speak english are you asking me to take all my clothes off?????" STOP IT. I GET THAT SHE'S PROBABLY A ROBOT THAT CREEPY NATHAN MADE BUT IT'S STILL REALLY FUCKIN WEIRD

Ah this is where everyone gets those gifs of Oscar dancing from lol

Aww, she drew him :C

Oop sneaky Caleb hacking things

Oh cool so this is uhh absolutely horrifying

Of course all the other AI women were people of color but the New Main Character one is white

Why do all of the AIs have to be women. And naked. I can't tell if this is a metaphor for women being objectified all the time or if they just really wanted to have a lot of naked women in this movie for some weird reason

Knew Kyoko was an AI I KNEW IT

Oop he is. Questioning his own humanity AAAND I'M NOT WATCHING THIS BIT I THINK NO THANKS

Of course this is the one day he decides not to drink

Damn. Nathan is a fucking mastermind.

And an absolute asshole

AND CALEB IS EVEN SMARTER GODDAMN FUCK YEAH

Oh damn knocked out in one punch lol

:O BUT WHAT IF THEY WERE LESBIAN ROBOTS

FUCK YEAH STAB HIM

Wow he is weirdly calm about being stabbed lol

So, no lesbian robots?

*breaks skateboard*

Oh good idea just grab a new arm, build yourself out of your previous lives

Once again, very weird that you're watching her do all this Caleb

Bruh is he gonna just be stuck in there forever

She really didn't love him huh. She just wanted to be free

She's outside!!

Damn, she really just. Left him to die huh. That's pretty fucked up tbh

Though I guess maybe that's what he gets for watching her like that and thinking of her as an object too

Aw she's people watching

That was fun and terrifying and very weird, in part because Nathan looks like my fucking DAD and my dad is a sweetheart so it's very weird to see someone who looks like my dad being an asshole lol. I feel like there were a number of problematic things about it but I'm not sure if they were problematic on purpose to make a point in the story or if they were just plain weird, but I also did not care for it enough to analyze it thoroughly to figure that out so if someone else wants to ramble about it feel free to do so lol.

Anyway let me know of any other movies with Oscar Isaac I should watch, ik I really wanna watch Sucker Punch so maybe I'll do that next haha.

[bigkickguy]

Please feel free to judge me - I was working with the made up rule a character can only show up on the board once! Otherwise this board would be 30% Dante 30% Yusei and 30% Lee

out of this board I have put a lot of rotating time into some of these, and basically almost none for others? They all add up in my mind! I am just matching themes or min maxing with what I want for my favs in most of these In descending order of how much I think of them + some notes below:

Yusei x Kaito (5ds x Zexal) - i have thought about them for years, they were just my favs from each series! I have rewritten like 4 crossover stories for them in my mind and have been since i first watched zexal. I just think they should build robots in a garage together, the ultimate romance. They both try to do everything themselves so now they can battle it out over who gets to put more of the world on their shoulders (they still would not share lol)

Dante x Oersted (Devil May Cry x LiveALive) - this one is more recent but i like the idea of this a lot with post game Oersted! Dante is a character very connected to love as a theme, him meeting Oersted who is just sad and needs to know love can be good in his life? Yes. This is just thematic min-maxing and a lot of 'I can fix him'. I also think it would be hilarious if Oersted gets summoned or something and is just like tired and refuses to do evil shit again cause he's growing. Dante got called to get him out of there and is just like, 'uhh you ok dude?' and he becomes Oersted's wacky wahoo dream man.

Kaiji x Akagi (Kaiji x Akagi) - this is somehow in #3, but i also had like a solid year they were all I thought about. It's a grey area of crossover validity because they were in a side gag manga of all of fkmt works crossing over? I think it still counts! A lot of people are into this I don't need to go into detail.

Mob x Gai (mp100 x Buraiden Gai) - buraiden gai is short and fkmt writes people being dehumanized by big rich organizations really well. It was a take on how shit the private juvenile detention centers are and Gai gets falsely accused and then busts out of the Worst one. (Describing that cause I assume more people have watched mob than they've read that!) This is a min-maxing of love and positive vibes because I need good things to happen for Gai. He's also got a very unique thought process and I think him and Mob hanging out would be hilarious. Gai would just be like 'i can punch faster than light' and mob would be like 'oh wow that's cool! I'm psychic!' and levitate something and Gai would lose his shit on the spot.

Luna x Angela (Virtue's Last Reward x Library of Ruina) - I am very emo over both of them and they both deserve good things and to be respected as people and not treated like they're tools or disposable. I think Angela can be angry for Luna and Luna can be soft for Angela. This is mainly a thematic min-max though. I LOVE BOTH OF THEM AND I NEED BOTH OF THEM TO GET TRATED BETTER BY THE WORLDS THEY ARE IN!!! Ultimate for this chart, both 'I can fix her' and 'I can make her worse' at the same time!

Ike x Kalas (Fire Emblem x Baten Kaitos) - I thought about it once cause I just think about crossovers for fun to pass the time when I can't sleep sometimes now it hurts. I feel like this is just a side grade of Ike x Soren, they feel emotionally similar to me. Specifics are pretty different but that's the fun rotating part :)

Akane x Aiba (Zero Escape x Ai the Somnium Files) I'm not going to lie I needed to fill out this board originally, but now I've been cursed with the idea of them hanging out. I want them to be the protagonists of a crossover game so badly!! They could be the ultimate crazy energy team up!

...I am getting tired of typing these out and I have thought about them probably only once or twice past making this chart after this point. I assume no one will read this anyway :)

[hisgirlboyfriend]

had a conversation with one of my best friends last night while skipping rocks about how I really hope I marry my boyfriend. We talked for like half an hour about how good of a partner he is and how we were made for each other. Ive never meshed with someone as well as I do with him and I'm so glad I'm with him and I hope I stay with him forever

[jessmalia]

it is only logical | peter pevensie 

pairing: peter pevensie x fem!reader summary: valentine’s prompt 10 “everyone is going as a couple to the valentine’s day party and it would look stupid if we both went alone, right? maybe we can just go together.” requested by anonymous. peter and reader are college aged.  a/n: I DID IT I FUCKING DID IT! I mean it’s actually half past midnight here, but it’s still Valentine’s in some parts of the world, right? I DID IT ANON I DID NOT LET YOU DOWN! ps: peter is a slut and somehow I manage to write it into every fic I write lol.  warnings: drinking.  wordcount: 1525

masterlist

   It was Friday the 13th of February, and Y/n and Peter had gone to the library to get in some extra studying before the weekend came around. They were sitting across from each other at an otherwise empty table. Y/n was writing, and Peter was reading through his textbook.

   “I heard Merissa is having a Valentine’s Day Party tomorrow,” said Peter.

   Y/n nodded, keeping her eyes on the notebook in front of her. “I’m not surprised. It’s most of what she talks about.”

   The side of Peter’s mouth pulled up ever so slightly into a small smirk. “Are you going?” he asked.

   “If I didn’t, you’d see my body being pulled out of a river on the News in a couple days.”

   Peter chuckled. “Why do I get the feeling that you’re not too excited about it?”

   “Your deduction skills truly are immaculate,” she said, before releasing a heavy sigh. “Yeah, not to sound like the nerdy girl in a Disney Channel movie, but literally everyone is going with someone. I’m not even exaggerating, I’m best friends with the host, everyone has a date. And being the only single person at a party on Valentine’s Day doesn’t exactly sound like the best time to me.”

   “Well, if it makes you feel any better,” said Peter, “I’m not going with anyone either.”

   That admission was what it took to make Y/n look up from her writing, eyes wide with shock. “Really?”

   Peter nodded.

   “But what happened to that brunette with the red headband?”

   Peter frowned. “Yeah, I dumped her ‘cause she blamed global warming on gay marriage.”

   Y/n’s eyebrows flew up. “Yikes.”

   “Yeah.”

   “Well,” she said with a sarcastic smile, eyes returning to the paper once more, “at least I won’t be alone in my misery.”

   “Well…” Peter trailed off for a bit, “shouldn’t we just go together then?” he asked, and Y/n froze midway through her writing. Was Peter actually asking her out? If he was, she’d probably be jumping out the window within the next minute.

   Just to make sure, she slowly looked up and locked eyes with Peter again, who somehow looked like he’d just said something perfectly normal that didn’t change the very nature of their relationships, and raised her eyebrows to ask him to explain further.

   Peter understood the silent command, and said, “We’ll have someone to talk to the entire night and no one will be judgy. It would solve all our problems without it having to mean anything.”

   Oh. So Peter wasn’t asking her out. He was simply presenting a mutually beneficial deal. Good. Relief washed over her as the weight disappeared from her shoulders, but she could feel something else too, a twist in her stomach. Was it… disappointment? No, there was no way.

   Y/n bit her lip, considering the offer Peter had made. He was right that it made sense. They would get all the benefits of going with a date with none of the potential drawbacks. She couldn’t see anything wrong with the idea.

   “It is only logical,” she agreed.

---

Y/n had just finished getting ready when there was a knock on the front door. She opened it and was met by Peter Pevensie’s handsome figure. It was so incredibly cliche she was ashamed to admit it, but her breath really was taken away when she saw him. He was wearing dark grey dress pants, a white fitted button-up and a nice jacket. It was a simple look, but boy, did it look good on him.

   “Wow, you cleaned up nice.” Her words were nice in theory, but the sarcasm and bite in her voice was evident, and she was grateful that her words hadn’t failed her. Stomach twisting into intricate knots, insides fluttering, palms getting clammy — it was a miracle that she hadn’t tripped over her words.

   But Peter remained unaffected by her mockery. “You look beautiful,” he said earnestly.

   The genuine comment caught her off guard for a moment, before she rolled her eyes and walked past him towards Merissa’s house. “We’re not dating, Peter. We’re just going to a party together. Flirting isn’t required.”

   He just chuckled, stepping in to walk next to her. “You know, your inability to take a compliment is really hilarious sometimes.”

---

They had barely stepped through the door when Merissa accosted them.

   “There you are!” she exclaimed, running up to Y/n and wrapping her arms around her. “I thought you were gonna ditch there for a minute.”

   Y/n returned the hug, frowning. “We’re only like 15 minutes late.”

   “Yeah but you can’t lie to me,” Merissa pulled away, throwing a pointed stare at her, “you were considering it for a while.”

   Y/n gasped, and placed a hand against her chest in fake mockery. “How dare you accuse me of such a thing.” Merissa just rolled her eyes.

   “Come on, get in! The fun’s just about to start!” she said before running back to the party.

   “We haven't even taken our coats off, calm down!”

---

An hour in and Y/n was pleasantly surprised by the evening. Merissa might not know how to get anything over a C on a test, but she did know how to throw a party. Peter had been a sweet surprise, too. Even though they had been friends for a good while, they had never spent time with each other in this way before, but now she knew that Peter Pevensie was really good with dates. Which explained a couple of things, for sure.

   She had sneaked off into the kitchen after one of the Valentine’s themed games to pour herself a drink and get some breathing room. The place was empty, and she stood alone, silently sipping her drink, tapping her foot along to the beat of the Taylor Swift song coming from the living room until Merissa came in.

   They greeted each other, and when Merissa had poured a drink for herself, she turned back to Y/n.

   “So…” she said. “You and Peter, huh?”

   Y/n shook her head violently. “No. Not at all.”

   Merissa smirked. “Double negative. That’s a yes.”

   Rolling her eyes, Y/n replied, “You and I both know that’s not how it works. Peter and I just went together because we had no one else to go with. We’re friends, that’s all.”

   “I don’t think that’s how he feels about you.”

   Y/n frowned. “Pardon?”

   Merissa looked to the side, eyes glazed over like they were whenever she got day-dreamy, and a smile stretched across her face. “Man, you should see the way he looks at you when you’re not looking. It’s like you’re his whole world or something. I’m so jealous! I wish someone would look at me like that.”

   “Merissa, you have a girlfriend!”

   “Well, how am I supposed to know how she looks at me when I’m not looking?”

   Y/n rolled her eyes again. “You know what? Let’s get back in there and I’ll let you know.”

---

By the time Merissa had gotten so drunk that she’d started shooting people with a nerf gun, claiming to be Cupid, the two of them decided that it was time to head out. Peter had insisted on walking her home, and no matter how much she protested he wouldn't back down. He was a classic gentleman through and through. It was infuriating, but kind of cute in a way.

   They had just as much fun walking home from the party as they had during it. Peter was a great conversationalist, and Y/n was just tipsy enough that she had stopped evading every question and compliment with sarcasm.

   The conversation drifted away as they arrived at Y/n’s doorstep.

   Peter nodded. “So.”

   “So…”

   “Guess this is good night then,” he said slowly, yet — he did not move.

   The tension in between them was thick and palpable. They both let it sit there, simmering, until Y/n opened her mouth and whispered, “This kind of feels like that doorstep moment.” Her voice was so quiet, had Peter not been standing inches away, he probably wouldn’t have heard it.

   Peter smiled that perfect smile of his, lopsided and just the right amount of cocky. “What moment would that be?” he whispered back, taking a step closer to her while fixing his gaze on hers, a look in his eyes that she couldn’t describe as anything other than pure infatuation. And before she knew it, he had placed his hands on the back of her head and pulled her into a deep kiss.

   Y/n had only let herself think about what it would be like to kiss Peter a handful of times before, but even in her fantasies she hadn’t imagined his lips would be this soft, nor that he would be this gentle, letting her lead the way, to not overstep any boundaries. As she moved her hands to wrap around his neck, he placed his on the small of her back, shifting, getting closer.

   When they pulled apart his hands were still on her back, and hers had moved down to rest against his chest. Y/n stared at Peter’s swollen lips and let out a content sigh.

   “Something like that.”

---

A/n: Please reblog and tell me what you thought!

taglist: @valentine-melody​

[sitp-recs]

Hi! Your blog has been the best thing that’s happened to me since starting on my Drarry journey.

My favorite headcannon is like, sexy Draco. Piercings, eyeliner, etc. do you have recs for that? Thank you!

Oh wow, thanks so much for the kind words! I definitely have a few recs with sexy Draco, hope you enjoy these:

The Art of Seduction by playout (2015, M, 2.3k)

Harry and Draco are Auror partners assigned to go undercover at a muggle gay bar frequented by drug-dealing wizards. Everyone knows Draco's gay, but that Harry has been nursing a crush on the pompous arse for years is not so well known. What could possibly go wrong?

Under Your Skin by @p1013 (2020, E, 4k)

He initials another section and flips the page. Being a junior Auror is a lot more grunt work than he expected, and the paperwork isn't even the worst of it. He's also managed to catch intake duty. It's getting close to 2 AM, there hasn't been a single arrest brought in tonight, and he's still got another six hours before his shift is over. Rubbing a hand over his face, he prays for something, anything, to make the interminable evening better.

I'm lying when I'm looking away by InnerLilith (2022, E, 6.7k)

Sometimes it takes a Purim party and a flapper dress for Harry to figure out what he likes. (Spoiler: He likes Malfoy.) Or: Come for the hamantaschen, stay for the sex.

Ocean Eyes by @shealwaysreads (2020, T, 7k)

Pale skin. Grey eyes. Sleek hair. Some things are a constant in Harry’s life, and Malfoy is one of them. Until he isn’t—not the way he acts, and not the way he looks. It might take Harry a little while to get used to it, but eventually he decides that change can be good, too.

Sex on Legs in Six-Inch Heels by Tessa Crowley (2017, E, 9.6k)

Draco Malfoy is a brilliant freelance cursebreaker and the only one who can help the Department of Magical Law Enforcement with a very dangerous case, but more importantly, he's wearing six-inch heels, and Harry cannot handle it, he really just can't.

What Have You Been Hiding Under Those Robes, Professor Malfoy? by @thebooktopus (2021, E, 15k)

After an accidental explosion in the Potions classroom, professors Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy have to utilize the emergency showers at the back of the classroom. Harry is surprised to find that prim & proper Draco is positively covered in tattoos. And… are those nipple piercings? You can probably tell where this goes.

In the Shape of Things to Come by @academicdisasterfic (2022, E, 15k)

Existential angst and chronic boredom are plaguing Harry Potter in his cushy post-war life. However, a chance encounter with a tattooed, pierced, disgruntled Draco Malfoy in the middle of Muggle Camden seems to spark something in Harry again—and he never could stay away from Malfoy.

We Might Be Too Old for a Bildungsroman by @wellhalesbells (2015, T, 21k)

Harry finds something he’s been looking for since the war’s end. Admittedly, the packaging’s a bit odder than he expected.

Here Be Dragons by birdsofshore (2016, E, 21k)

Harry doesn’t want to waste his time investigating illegal dragonhide trading, whether it involves a fetish club in Knockturn Alley or visiting a remote island in Wales. Why the bloody hell does Malfoy always have to be up to something?

Ink (My Skin With Your Name) by Kandakicksass (2019, M, 22k)

Several years after the war, an ostracized Draco Malfoy covers himself in tattoos, becomes best friends with a muggle, and debates abandoning magical society entirely to work in a tattoo shop. All in all, he's having a hell of a time trying to figure out who he is and what he wants to do with his life. The last thing he needs is to run into Harry Potter, who seems intent on becoming his friend, even if he has to get a lot of ink to do it.

[absolutebl]

This Week In BL - Japan is BRINGING IT

June 2022 Wk 2

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying the most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Triage (AISplay Mon) Ep 7- This ep was mostly to give movement to the romance plot and since (oddly for me) that’s the bit I find the least engaging I wasn’t as wild about this installment. Next week looks VERY dramatic tho. 

Check Out (IQIYI Sat) Ep 1 - This season’s messy gays be messy series! I gotta say I love the intro credits on this one: character + actor names. I need that in all my BL. Our leads are Nine (Chahub) and Daonuea (Best). (My boy Plustor is coming too!) So Daonuea is pining for the boy who ghosted him after a hot fling AND a boss/ex/cheater that wants to date him again. Of course boss & fling turn out to know each other. Best is GOOD. I like an office setting but I’m not wild about the execution here. But the messy exes drama is relatable and fun/different. Captions are quite poor. 

KinnPorsche (iQIYI Sat) Ep 10 - Well KimChay moved fast. Meanwhile Kinn’s bodyguards are all pretty naff, letting Tawan get away. The traitor(s) = no particular surprise. Oo death! Also dumb crazy drama gay, but whatevs. I’m mad that everyone looked for Porsche but no one looks for Pete? I guess it’s good to be the boss’s f-toy. Oh, I’m salty abotu this show. Sigh. At least it was an exciting ep? 

Sky in Your Heart (Fri YouTube) Ep 2 - It’s perfectly serviceable. I’m not wowed by the chemistry but it’s fine. 

My Secret Love (YouTube Sat) Ep 3 - Fake relationship is a go and watching them lampoon BL tropes is kind of fun. No screen caps because, you know, fakel but they covered (deep breath): head in lap, picnic, feeding, back hug, movie date, sharing earbuds, and library assignation. Just because I am having a really hard time keeping this straight (pun intended) here is the character breakdown (aside from the leads): campus star = P’Tim (he comes with portable adorable bestie); pair in the 7 year relationship = P’Park & Lee (who switched departments) - they use rao/ter with each other (cutesy). Everyone else = unimportant. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

To My Star (Korea Viki) Ep 1-2 - YES FINE I’m watching it. I said I was gonna wait but... I CAN’T. OMG I’m so scared. The doorway being used for transition shots between past| |present was very clever. Also my goodness I almost forgot what really good acting looked like in BL! The year separation after a break up is a classic Korean drama plot point that usually comes at the end of a show, not the beginning. It’s going to be interesting and bumpy to watch them deal with this reverse plotting. They better come up with a really good justification for Ji Woo leaving and being that cruel or heads will ROLL. Also, that better be his sister and not an ex girlfriend, I have it up the here with faen fatales. Please don’t betray our trust Hwang Da Seul. 

Love in Spring (Korea grey) Ep 5-8 - I love to see a brushing hair trope (in a way I don’t love the usual hair dry trope we get in BL). I have no idea why. Also we had an example of the boy protecting “the girl’s” reputation with fisticuffs. This story reminds me a little of those girl disguised as a boy host club shows we got from Japan for a while – same kind of comedy that is a little beyond my ken and slightly jarring. At ep 7 it finally got good as the leads develop a genuine friendship. The snake thing was odd though. To be fair there’s a lot of odd in the show. I’m enjoying the tension and liking it more each ep. 

Plus & Minus (Taiwan Viki *rec* & GaGa Fri) Ep 10 - The dreaded unnecessary break up. At least we understand the bar owner’s motivations. I don’t know where I am with this show now, but I do like that its general assumption is that everyone is at least a little bit bi, and since I too like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, I’m not opposed to seeing it on screen. 

Want to See You (Vietnam YouTube) Ep 1 - Boy likes his baths, that’s for certain. Standard psycho female character and a basic but uncommon servant/master set up. I’m getting Jane Eyre or something. Nice kisses already but this is no Mr. Cinderella. (The bar has been set, VBL, now I know what you can do.) 

Getaway (Singapore Mon YouTube) Ep 2-3 - Look, I’m the first to admit that there’s a lot of bad and awkward acting in this genre, but for some reason… it feels a lot worse in English. I like how unabashedly gay this show is but (how do I put this nicely?) if I’m gonna watch English language gay-vacay shizz – I’d rather watch Fire Island. Still, as one might expect, the heat execution is good (Taiwan still holds the crown, tho). 

BLs That Finished this week!

Dear Doctor, I'm Coming for Soul (iQIYI Weds) Ep 12fin - I was mixed over the sides, but in the end, they were a cute couple (weird kisses thing notwithstanding). This show had a very Korean style unnecessary-separation in the last ep. But I guess I’m used to that now. Are KarnNat the best Thai origin couple at domesticity? Seems like. The show’s ending reminded me A LOT of Love: Life on the Line (Director’s Cut) so if you like that you’ll like this one, but it’s not strictly HEA. I thought it suited the narrative so I’m not mad. But I’m not sure I’ll ever rewatch it either. Like Peach of Time, everything was set up for us, so the end wasn’t surprising and it managed to be substantially happier than Peach or Grey Rainbow (shudder). So maybe I rate it higher because it could have been a lot worse? ARGH. Decisions. 7/10 RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS Full review here. 

Close Friend 2 (Viki Thur) Ep 6fin - I liked the dealing with celebrityhood and fandom storyline, although I thought it was too generous to those fans. But in the end this is, like the first installment, fine but forgettable. I did like the breaking the fourth wall and mentioning each other‘s projects at the end. That was fun insider trading. (I guess we get a season 3 featuring DunBas, not my favorite. Shrug.) Anygay, both pairs did well but in terms of content and story, I wasn’t wowed. 6/10 WORTH WATCHING BUT FLAWED 

Fukou-kun wa Kiss Suru Shikanai! AKA Mr Unlucky Has No Choice But to Kiss! (Japan GaGa *rec*  & Viki Fri) Ep 8fin - since this is in the My Love Mix-Up vein of JBL, I was not expecting a final kiss. I consider us lucky that we got the launch kiss, quite frankly. That didn’t stop me from being a touch disappointed, but the final boyfriends cuteness wrestling in bed (VERY Cherry Magic of them) was perfectly serviceable. A solid little JBL. 8/10 RECOMMENDED 

Gossip

I still can’t believe they’re allowing it but it really does seem like Korea is bringing us A Shoulder To Cry On starring Jaehan (oldest) & Yechan (maknae) BOTH from Kpop group OMEGA X. Enemies to lovers, school set, 12 eps, due out in the fall. 

Also in Korea announced adaptation of Lily's comic Heesu in Class 2 . About a shy unpopular boy with a secret crush on best friend. Looks pretty pat but I’m always open to KBL school-set stuff. 

Japan announced BL adaptation of Minamoto Kazuki's comic: Kabesaa Doujin Sakka no Neko Yashiki-kun wa Shounin Yokkyuu wo Kojirasete iru starring Matsuoka Koudai (I know him from Five) and Nakao Masaki (Kakafukaka, Bow Then Kiss - he’s a BIG DEAL ya’ll) slated to be released in October. (source) The description from Crunchyroll is up on MDL but it’s incomprehensible. 

Cambodia released a trailer of upcoming Khmer BL មើលបានហាមសម្លឹង AKA Eye Contact. We are in “don’t bet on it happening (or finishing)” territory. 

New Thai drama My Coach seems to have a BL side plot. 

Art Adore En got a trailer. Country boy studying at a university in Bangkok catches the eye of his senior. 

2 Moons 3: The Ambassador announced a cast. That came out of nowhere. 

PRIDE! 

This is one of those times that I really wish I read Thai and could confirm it, but Thai BL actor Copter Panuwat seems to have come out as non-binary. Copter has always been super supportive since the 2 Moons days. Someone at MDL is ON IT and has updated Copter’s profile to they/them in the bio section, even if the MDL system doesn’t offer it as an option (someone oughta change the back end code on that). 

No matter what, happy pride! 

In Case You Missed It

Korean BL Blueming is getting a movie version. Since this aired on iQIYI not Viki, not sure if inter fans will get to see it. 

iQIYI has picked up SantaEarth’s friends-to-lovers (possibly sad) BL My Only 12% from Wabi Sabi, coming late summer. 

Japan is airing a BL comedy-drama adaptation of Naruko's Fudanshi Bartender no Tashinami AKA Accomplishment of Fudanshi Bartender streaming on FOD. About a fancy pants bartender who is secretly a nerdy BL fan. 

3 BLs have been submitted for consideration to the Seoul International Drama Awards 2022: Semantic Error (Korea), I Promised You The Moon (Thailand), and My Beautiful Man (Japan). 

The boys from Kissable Lips are pair branding. (They are rumored to have a new series The Circumstances Of Pungdeok Villa Room 304.) I mention this because it’s my first time seeing a Korean pair consciously use Thai techniques on their social media. 

Next Week Looks Like This: 

We’re hitting the Thai summer slow down season, thank heavens. There was too much for even me to keep up with for a while there. I could used some down time, except Japan won’t let me!

Monday: Japanese BL Old Fashion Cupcake adapted from the manga of the same name by by Sagan Sagan (trailer on FB). Seems to be a hyung romance: office set, employee/boss, age gap. About a subordinate with a crush on his boss - seems a bit Cherry Magic light? Only 5 episodes, coming to Viki! 

Thursday: Kimi no Koto Dake Mite Itai AKA I Only Want To See You only 4 eps, starts June 16, Hulu JP. Not sure on inter.  

Friday: Senpai, Danjite Koidewa! AKA Senpai, This Can’t be Love! is taking over Mr Unlucky’s time slot on Fridays, reported as picked up by GaGa for international although I’m showing it listed for Viki. 

Oh yeah and then also: Love Mechanics disaster muffins start Saturday on WeTV. 

This week’s best moments?

I didn’t pull any. Sheesh, I guess I was disappointed this week. 

(last week)

[bride-of-dracaenca]

A Brief, Totally Incoherent History of the OG Animaniacs Fandom (1993 - ???), Part 0.001

(Early - Mid 1990s Animaniacs/PatB Fandom History that Exactly Nobody Cares About!)

@@@hhh…wow. Oh hey, tumblr!

So! OG Animaniacs Fandom seems to be a mostly forgotten chapter in Internet fandom history. Arguably, it was one of the very first Internet/Online fandoms with a unique, discernable “culture.” These fan cultures had existed before – but Animaniacs, arguably one of the first “Megafandoms” - that is to say, one of the first with its genesis (as opposed to merely its continuation) on the Internet - just happened to premiere during September, 1993. Also known on the early Internet as the ETERNAL SEPTEMBER (no, I am not making this up! See: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eternal_September).

Therefore, it had stuff like this:

A! JW21 YK++i WK++ DT+++!^ P&B+ S&S+ HIP--- S!D--- P+++ Dpfdd{s} Tow2 $++++dmvac Vr+++++j+++t+++m++{s} IV! T419/65Years E5/73 H53 PonYiddish XBRomp A35 M

(That’s not my A! Geek Code, it’s the A! Code of a guy who is really, really cool and smart and was created by a guy who’s really, really cool and smart, FYI.)

Meh, I keep putting this off. Is it because of the collapse of our ecosystem and civilization in this horrible, dystopian “future” that we all find ourselves collectively in? Is it because the very idea of being one of the youngest contributing members of a fandom and, three decades later, maaaaybe, being one of the very oldest, again just maybe (I dunno) is like…one of the saddest things I can even imagine right now? Well, except for the collapse of our ecosystem, civilization, etc. etc.? Gee, okay. That part’s much worse.

I want to go back and eat Dunkaroos and watch Fox Kids. Take me back NOW. Please? ALSO I HATE THE RICH TEXT EDITOR I HATE BEING CAGED I WANT TO BE FREE AND MARKUP AND CODE AS I PLEASE WITH NO LOGIC OR REASON IN ANGELFIRE AND GEOCITIES AND TO FTP TO MY HEART’S CONTENT WITH DANCING CAT .GIFS AND MIDI FILES AND BLUE LINKS ON GREY BACKGROUNDS THAT TURN PURPLE WHEN YOU CLICK THEM AT THE VERY DAWN OF THE WWW 235273^$*&%$!23532 CURSE YOU!

@@@H. Aaanyway. I’ll just come out and say it: I was in the original Animaniacs (A!)/Pinky and the Brain (PatB) fandom starting in…in some form, at least as a lurker, September 1993, when the show first started airing on our local affiliate Fox Kids before it jumped the shark by jumping to the Kids’ WB.

Oh, haha, I kid about that last part. Please just read everything here as kidding/sarcastic, because it is. What is it that you kids do these days? Tone indicators? Read all of this as /j /lh /s or whatevertheheck. You know what I mean. Anyway, possibly earlier, because a.t.a (alt.tv.animaniacs on usenet) was preceded by alt.tv.tiny-toon. And I was a cagey, anxious, fringe-s kid who was really way, way, way too young to be there.

Oh, yes! “Kids” in early Internet fandom! Funny story about that.

So I had started posting some of the first fan works/meta, or whatever the heck it’s called now, for this A!/PatB...stuff, online, by 1994, and…just give me a sec here to chug some, um, “grape juice.” Boy am I super proud of this and this short series of “fandom history” I am about to share throughout this summer, and not ashamed at all. Oh, boy. From back then, when we all had “Warnersonas” on irc and this one total weirdo had a PatB-sona unlike the normal fans.

Also, though: there are lots of legit opinions about who the very best Animaniacs character is, but if you say it’s not Slappy Squirrel, then you’re objectively wrong. And Pinky/Brain, which totally normal people all shipped back then and was a totally normal mundane expected thing, was called Pinky/Brain or maybe Pinky x Brain but smushnames weren’t a thing yet you kids so that’s just what the ship is called, also they are married. My gay mouse uncles were married back then and it was canon. Sorry, I don’t make the A! rules. /j /s /lh. (JOKES ASIDE THE PINKY/BRAIN SHIPPING LITERALLY HAPPENED IMMEDIATELY LIKE THE FIRST MINUTE IN SEPT A! AIRED SO STOP REWRITING HISTORY TO MAKE THE GAY MICE STRAIGHT YOU ARE LITERALLY RUINING MY QUEER CHILDHOOD.)

Side Note: I see a few of you from the og usenet/IRC #watertower days around here sometimes. I know who you are, I know where you live, I – wait, no. I, quite seriously do, kid, guys, although I met some of you irl a very, very long time ago.

og A! fandom peeps - I want you to know that I had a ball back then. You’re still some of the best people I’ve ever known, you and the rest of early Internet fandom, when we were just some weirdos and nerds before the Internet was “cool” or even a thing that most people understood or even recognized! I seriously love you guys. I hope that life has been awesome to you all, and to your loved ones at every turn, treated you well, and you’ve had a blast every minute. I know stuff is tough sometimes. Hang in there. I am rooting for you all every day, seriously. Thank you so much. I can never pay you all back, and I will always love and care. <3 <3

...To everyone else – I’ll continue this series soon, once I can swallow my pride a little bit harder. I’ll be around a bit spottily this summer due to travel, but more so this fall, and hope to post a bit more this week about this fandom history “stage.” And also share some other stuff I keep putting off posting.

Thanks for reading! See you very soon, for the next installment.

What about the PPPGALF, NERD?!?…

That was an Animania IV thing, I’ll get to that very soon. Give me a minute.

Also shut up, Yakko Warner. Shut up. Yes, I heard you, nearly 30 years ago. And you know what, I did! That’s why I have no time to write or post any of this, I am WAY too freaking busy. Now lay off, willya?

Until next time, AIE!, bleugh, Goddess Grapes and harfy QORN.

slappy is gay. i have proof

[bowiebond]

Do you ever think about the idea of Jason being so repressed and in denial about liking men the he marries a girl, has 2.5 kids and is firmly convinced he's straight until years later he's divorced and one of his kids comes out and Jason tries to tell him "oh don't worry its normal to have fantasies of men but that doesn't mean you're gay" and then his kids are like 😮 and the other son says "dad I've literally never had an attraction to men, thats not a straight thing" but Jason still doesn't fully believe it. He wants to at least try to be supportive of his kid but he has a lot to unlearn so he goes to a pflag meeting and that's where he crosses paths with Eddie again and has his sexual awakening as an adult in the late 00's/early 2010. Like so much angst of all the years he was repressing everything but also the struggle to explore when you're in your late thirties/early forties and the gay club is filled with 20 somethings who have more experience than you, I mean he'd need someone like Eddie, someone with more experience in the local lgbt scene to help guide him

Wow, Anon, thanks for hurting my feelings 🥲

The worst part is Jason would refuse for a little while that his kid is gay until he realises he’s losing his son because of his own prejudice and decides to learn more. Goes to meetings and talks to other parents of gay kids, the gay kids and older queers who come to share their own experiences.

Then one day, it clicks and his entire life would probably fall apart honestly. He’d end up in a divorce with his wife, who’s only kind enough to allow him partial custody despite her scorn at being stuck in a loveless marriage for decades (he does love her, dearly, just not the way they had wanted. Maybe a few years down the road she’ll forgive him and they’ll realise they truly are platonic soulmates, but for now it hurts).

He’d move out, pays for anything his children and ex wife need still because he does love them dearly, but she can’t have him there while she mourns their relationship.

It’s probably after he moves out that his kids still to get a peak at who their dad really is, and Jason is a good dad when he starts to unpack all the toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia. He’s too scared to join the dating pool, but shortly after the divorce, he bumps into Eddie again at a meeting and it’s crazy to think Jason’s like him now. Kind of a freak. It’s daunting for Jason who’s confronted with the boy he used to scorn, who’s now…very much a man. Older. A tad scruffier. Still has long hair but tied back often, greys peaking through that he admits to dyeing with a chuckle.

It’s an awkward, tentative friendship on Jason’s side, but Eddie is happy to put the past behind them because he’s been in Jason’s shoes. That stage where you know but you’re scared of what that means, nervous to explore it. He sticks to Jason’s side like glue for months, teaching him little things that keep him closer to his kid, helps him understand, until eventually he invites Jason out to a gay club. Just to check out the scene, see if it’s for him.

A few younger gay guys approach Jason, because he’s older and standing next to Eddie who’s a frequent visitor (people love him because he can talk about anything for ages to make you comfortable or take you back to his place for crazy fun. The duality is a part of his charm). It’s apparent to Jason quickly that younger isn’t his type and he’s not really interested in being any twenty somethings ‘Daddy’ when he has his own kids at home who he cooks for most nights and helps with homework.

Mostly, he just feels out of place. It’s loud and the music isn’t his taste and it’s humid. He feels dressed down and awkward, sipping a scotch, and he just…doesn’t fit in. He’s too old for the scene and it strangely makes him want to cry because he would have enjoyed this when he was younger. Loud music and bumping and grinding. Liked it well enough at non-gay clubs with his friends.

He missed out on so much because he couldn’t accept himself, but he got a life with a good wife and three amazing children at least. He wishes he knew earlier, to save them all the heartache, but he could never regret his life when it gave him his kids who he adored.

Eddie takes Jason back home after that, and they drink cheap beer and watch TV instead and that’s good. Jason likes that. He’s older and he likes watching TV on his day off. Likes watching it with a cold beer and with Eddie’s arm pressed against his.

He falls asleep there and neither make a big deal out of it. It’s natural. They’re older, wearier, and falling asleep while watching TV is nice. Especially with each other.

Maybe they make a routine out of it. Jason goes to Eddie’s place when he doesn’t have the kids, goes there so often that his stuff starts to migrate their on accident until Eddie suggests Jason just move in, Eddie’s got more than enough space for the kids. Hell, Eddie likes Jason’s kids, they like him, the eldest thinks his music is amazing even if he retired from touring just two years prior. They’re still making music, but CDs are a hit and their knees need a break, so shows have become less necessary.

They aren’t even dating, they just share a place because it’s easier. They share a bed sometimes because Jason gets lonely and slept with a body beside him for almost two decades.

They’re friends. Teetering out of friends slowly with the way Jason looks at Eddie when he spills his coffee on his freshly washed white shirt, or with the way Eddie smiles when Jason snores against his shoulder after dozing off during a movie.

Either way, Jason’s not gonna be alone. He’s got Eddie to guide him through this new life, the complexities of it. He’ll teach him everything he wants to know about queer love, about pride and history, about sex that makes him feel complete rather than finished.

Eddie gets the kids and maybe even husband he never thought he wanted, and Jason gets the love he never knew he needed.

Jason’s in good hands, and Eddie’s pretty sure he’s in Jason’s too; and they feel strangely safe despite it all.

[engie-ivy]

Yes, he's in the hospital and doesn't remember anything about himself, but it's actually not that bad. His memories are sure to come back in a matter of days, and until then, he can spend time eating, sleeping, reading, daydreaming about that ridiculously attractive Healer...

(The aim is Funny and Fluffy Wolfstar)

It's Like the First Time

“Everything seems to be in order,” the Healer Trainee, Aubrey, says. “As we expected. How’s the dizziness?”

“When I’m laying down, it doesn’t bother me,” he replies.

“That’s good,” Aubrey smiles. “The dizziness and light-headedness should gradually disappear over the upcoming days, and then the memories will come back after.”

He nods. He’d be more worried about all his memories being gone if the Healers at St Mungo’s weren’t so certain they’ll all come back in a matter of days. Dizziness, light-headedness, and amnesia; it’s a familiar picture when being hit with a Confundo-charm from a defective wand, which the Healers have encountered many times before and has apparently happened to him during some friendly duelling.

It’s always the same picture: the dizziness and light-headedness slowly lessening, and the memories all coming back at once after two to at most five days. Like, one moment you know nothing, and the next you remember everything.

Well, he doesn’t exactly know nothing. His semantic memory is intact, meaning he has basic knowledge and remembers facts and skills. He knows he’s a wizard, he knows the hospital is called St Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, he knows the people in the lime green robes are the Healers, he knows that since he’s a wizard he probably went to Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, and he knows perfectly well how to perform a wide variety of charms, jinxes, hexes and curses. (So luckily those years at Hogwarts weren’t for nothing)

What he doesn’t know is anything about himself. His episodic memory, memory for any kind of life events, is completely gone. Who he is, what he does, what he has done, who he knows, it’s all gone. His own mum could walk into the room, and he’d think she was the laundry lady. (Luckily, she seemed like a very nice lady, and had thought it rather funny)

The only thing he knows about himself, not because he remembers, but because it’s the only thing they told him, is that he’s someone named Remus Lupin. Apparently, in the past, trying to fill in the gaps has proven to be more frustrated than helpful for the patient and, as the memories will come back on their own anyway, quite unnecessary. Therefore, they don’t tell him much else, and all he can do is wait.

Past experience has also shown that the patient often finds it quite stressful, and even frightening, to be surrounded by lots of people who all know him, and whom he feels like he should recognize, but doesn’t. Therefore, friends and family are only allowed in limited numbers, one new person a day, which started with his mum.

His mum had brought him his favourite novel, saying that he read it so many times, and would always wish he could erase it from his memory just so he could read it again with the same sense of anticipation. Well, she had figured this was his chance. Now, all he can do is lie in bed, read his book, and eat food, which is... Well, pretty great actually.

He doesn’t have anything to worry about. How can he worry about anything if he doesn’t remember anything? It’s like having a little break from life and all its expectations and responsibilities. (Though the fact that he’s so happy about having no worries, makes him think that this Remus Lupin normally worries quite a lot)

When a Healer comes to see him, he suddenly knows something else about himself: he’s very, very gay.

The Healer has a classic, aristocratic beauty to him, with his sharp cheekbones and full lips, and his eyes are of a clear grey, that appears silver, which contrasts quite nicely with the strands of raven black hair that have fallen from the messy bun on top of his head. And no one has the right to look that good in lime green robes, which he fills out pretty well with his lean, muscular body.

The Healer gives him a soft smile, and really, if he smiles at all his patients like that, the whole hospital must be diagnosed with palpitations. “How’re you feeling?” the Healer asks in a warm, deep voice.

He wonders whether his semantic memory has failed him after all, as he suddenly seems to have forgotten how speaking works. “Erm...” he says, very eloquently.

The Healer frowns, and looks at Aubrey. “Isn’t the confusion supposed to be gone by now?”

Aubrey looks from the Healer to him and back to the Healer, while a knowing smile appears on her face. “Don’t worry,” she tells the Healer. “He has been perfectly responsive and coherent all day.”

“Has he had some Anti-Confusion Concoction?”

“He’s had a small dose, as the confusion was already wearing off on his own.”

“Are you going to give him Memory Potion?” the Healer continues his questioning.

Aubrey shakes her head. “We have already given him Mandrake Restorative Draught against the spell’s physical effects. Adding Memory Potion might make the dose of Stewed Mandrake too high. As we can be certain all memories will come back on their own, it isn’t worth the risk.”

The Healer nods thoughtfully. “So only a daily dose of Restoration Potion until all effects have subsided, I assume?”

“Yes,” Aubrey agrees. “Based on past experience, that’ll in all likeliness be sufficient.”

The Healer turns his head back to him, and that soft smile is back in place. He opens his mouth to speak, but right at that moment, a bright flash can be seen, and a gazelle made out of shining white light is standing in front of them.

“I’m so sorry to disturb on a moment like this,” a stressed-sounding voice of a young woman comes from the Patronus, that is directing itself to the Healer. “But you’re needed back at the HADA department immediately! We’re having an emergency.”

The Healer curses under his breath. He takes a step towards the door, but then stops to look back at him with a pained expression.

“He’s in good hands,” Aubrey says.

The Healer nods. “I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he tells him, before hurrying out the door.

Though his mum was right, and the novel is really good, he has trouble focusing on it from that moment on. He’s constantly interrupted by thoughts of bright, silver-grey eyes. Merlin, he’s seen the guy once, and he’s acting like a twelve-year-old with a crush!

Telling himself off for it doesn’t stop him from looking up hopefully the moment he catches a glimpse of lime-green robes. It’s quite a disappointment when the Healer that walks in to check his vitals is a greying, grumpy man with a face that seems to be twisted in a permanent scowl. Asking him where the good-looking Healer went to seems kind of impolite though, so he just sits and nods whenever the Healer grumbles something unintelligible.

“So, why have I gotten a different Healer?” he asks Aubrey later, trying to sound casual.

“Different Healer?” she asks, not understanding.

“Yeah,” he says, feeling to his great annoyance that his cheeks begin to flush. “There was this older man checking up on me, while before, there was the young man with the broad shoulder, shining dark hair, sweet smile, pretty eyes...” He trails off.

“Oh!” Understanding, and a not insignificant amount of amusement, appear on Aubrey’s face. “Oh, he wasn’t not your Healer, sweetie! He was visiting.”

“Ah,” he sighs disappointedly. So the Healer had only been here for some sort of second opinion, and he probably won’t be back. It was too good to be true, to have a Healer like that around as a nice distraction.

“Healer Black works for the Healing Against the Dark Arts Department,” Aubrey continues.

“You know him?” he asks.

“I know of him. But honestly,” she adds with a wink. “Everyone working at St Mungo’s knows of Healer Black!”

He chuckles. “I suppose he cannot not catch your eye.”

“It’s not just his appearance,” Aubrey says. “Healer Black is the leading expert on healing Dark Arts-related injuries and combating curses from the Dark Arts. He has invented novel Healing Spells and revolutionized the protocol for treating curses. Healers from all over the world consult him on their cases, and patients come to see him from all over the world.”

“Wow...” he sighs again, but this time it’s a more wistful sigh. He doesn’t even care anymore that he sounds like a love-struck teenager. Maybe Aubrey will write it off as a side-effect of the Confundo-charm. He briefly wonders about that himself, but as those bright, silver-grey eyes come to mind again, he knows he’s under a whole different kind of spell.

“Yeah,” Aubrey smiles. “He’s quite a remarkable man.”

“So I guess I won’t be seeing him again then,” he says dejectedly, letting his head hang. He wonders why they’d sent that Healer to come see him in the first place, as he surely must’ve had better things to do.

He hears a choked noise besides him, and he looks up at Aubrey, who seems to be stifling a laugh, with her hand pressed against her mouth. “Don’t worry, love,” she says with obvious amusement in her voice. “I’m sure you’ll be seeing more of him.”

The young man sitting next to his bed has been talking about his wife and their baby for an hour straight. Though it really isn’t so bad. His stories are quite amusing, and the man is very charismatic. He has sparkling eyes, and hair so messy, he had immediately checked whether it wasn’t storming outside when the man had entered. He has a disarming smile and a contagious laugh, and is surprisingly easy to talk to. He says his name is James Potter, and he’s Remus Lupin’s best friend.

He has to give Remus Lupin a pat on the back for having made such a nice friend. Honestly, the idea of socializing with new people, trying to make friends, does not appeal to him, and he’s glad to know Remus already has them.

“And I just went to see Sirius,” James says. “Well, more like I was speed walking next to him in the two minutes he had to get from one room to another. He still managed to apologize twenty times though. Normally, I’d say he should be sorry, but the poor guy seems to hardly have any time to eat or sleep.” James shakes his head. “Did you hear what happened? Three children were playing in the woods, and they must’ve accidentally touched an unknown cursed object. They were brought in barely conscious and with a mother completely beside herself. So of course, ‘the widely renowned and highly acclaimed, capable-of-the-impossible Healer Black’ was the only one who might save them. And he has, as they seem to be recovering,” James adds, relieved. “But really, there aren’t many excuses that would justify him not being here, but having to save children’s lives is definitely one of them.”

“Thank Merlin those children are alright. That sounds- Wait,” he says, before sitting up. “Healer Black? You know Healer Black?”

James blinks at him. “Ehm... Yeah?”

“Merlin, that man is so handsome!” he exclaims. “He was here for like two minutes, before he got called away to other patients, but I just can’t stop thinking about him! He already looks perfect, and now you’re telling me that he’s some kind of miracle Healer saving children’s lives?” He sighs. “It’s just not fair.”

At first, James still looks confused. Then his eyes widen in understanding, and his mouth starts twitching like he’s trying to hold back laughter.

He doesn’t blame him. He’d laugh at himself too, with how ridiculous he’s been acting over this random Healer. He just hopes he won’t have embarrassed Remus Lupin too much once his memories have returned.

“Don’t worry,” James says, in an amused voice. “Healer Black will come back as soon as he has the time.”

Now, his own eyes widen. “You really think he’d come to see me again?”

James lets out a strangled noise and starts coughing, which he strongly suspects being a laugh quickly covered up by a cough. “Yes,” James replies, suppressed laughter still sounding through in his voice. “I really think so.”

He knows it’s rather pathetic, but as he’s got nothing better to do, he did it anyway. He practiced what he’s going to say to Healer Black when, or if, he comes back.

He’ll tilt his head slightly downwards, so he’ll look up at the man through his lashes, and then he’ll give him a coy smile, while softly saying ‘Healer Black. It’s so good to see you again. I’ve heard many great things about you, and what you did for those children is truly admirable.’ Luckily, flirting seems to fall under semantic memory.

However, when the moment comes that Healer Black enters the room again, his carefully constructed plan falls apart.

At first, he’s stunned that yes, Healer Black really looks like that, and he hasn’t made it better in his head. Alright, the man has bags under his eyes, his robes are rumpled, and his hair is slightly greasy and so much strands are peaking out of his bun, making it look more messy than what would qualify as a normal messy bun, but he still looks like the most beautiful person in the world. He doesn’t even notice Aubrey and James walk in after Healer Black.

He opens his mouth to deliver his carefully practiced lines, but the words die in his throat as Healer Black... Well, flings himself at him. He literally splays out on top of him, hugging him close and pressing his face in the crook of his neck. “I missed you so much,” Healer Black murmurs against his skin.

He freezes. Yes, he has forgotten quite a lot, but he’s still pretty sure this is not the standard operating procedure for Healers to greet their patients. “Erm...” He says, once again ever so eloquently.

Healer Black lifts his head and looks up at him in confusion, but he can’t possibly be more confused than he’s feeling.

James scrapes his throat. “Remus, may I introduce you to Healer Sirius Black-Lupin, your husband?”

“So neither one of you decided to tell him?” Healer Black has crossed his arms over his chest and is glaring at Audrey and James.

“I’m sorry, Healer Black!” Aubrey squeaks. “I know I should’ve told him, but it was just too cute, watch him be all smitten with his own husband.”

He isn’t really listening. He’s openly staring at Healer Black. Apparently, he bloody married the guy, so it’s allowed, right?

“I don’t know how you pulled this off, Remus Lupin,” he whispers under his breath. “But thank you, and kudos to you, mate, kudos to you.”

As he looks at Healer Black up and down (at some point he’ll really have to stop referring to his husband as Healer Black, probably), he suddenly really wishes for his memories to come back fast, as there are some things he’d really like to remember.

Though on the other hand, he thinks, biting his lip, maybe ‘Healer Black’ won’t mind freshening up his memory in the meantime?

“Ugh,” Remus groans, hiding his face against Sirius’ chest. “I can’t believe I was practically drooling over you!”

Sirius chuckles while he’s rubbing soft circles on Remus’ back. “You were cute.”

As a reply, Remus just groans again.

“I’m sorry, though,” Sirius says, suddenly quietly. “It wouldn’t have happened if I had been by your side as I was supposed to be.”

Remus lifts up his head to look at Sirius. “Hey, none of that! You were saving lives.” He presses a quick kiss to his husband’s lips. “You wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else, and I wouldn’t have wanted you to be anywhere else.”

Sirius smiles softly at him, and Remus lays his head back on his chest. “Besides, it was a good reminder that I should be more proud of my accomplishment to get Healer Black to marry me.”

Sirius barks a laugh, that Remus can feel vibrating in his chest. “And how exactly was me down on one knee practically begging you to become my husband ‘you getting me to marry you’?”

Remus smiles fondly, happy that that memory is safely back in his head. “And it was nice to feel like having a new crush again,” he continues. “ All exhilarated, enraptured, and in awe.”

“Oh, Moony,” Sirius sighs, pressing a kiss to the top of Remus’ head. “I feel like that every time I look at you.”

[k1ng0fn0b0dy]

Phasmophobia ❤

He/Him Pronouns

1400+ Words

Description: You plays Phasmophobia for the first time with Scott, Wilbur, and Jack. Wilbur teaches you how to play and then something extra. (WilburxReader)

A/N: This was at the start of me writing so it's like the only one in third person.

[Rest of the story under the cut]

Y/N spins leisurely, waiting for their computer to boot up. They hadn't been ready to stream today but Scott DM'ed them a few minutes ago and Y/N couldn't say no to their favorite cousin.

Opening discord, they shot Scott a quick message and then pulled up twitch on their second monitor. Y/N smiled as chat spammed "hello y/n!" as the 1-minute timer slowly ticked down

3

2

1

"Hello everyone!" Y/N exclaimed happily, giving a quick wave to the camera. "Today we're going to be streaming Phasmophobia with Scott, Jack Manifold, and Wilbur Soot."

They couldn't help but giggle as their chat flew by with excited proclamations. As usual, their lovely fans started spamming "Y/N CLOUT" and "Y/N SUPREMACY" until it was all theycould see. Laughing, Y/N started reading out donos and thanking subs.

They were in the middle of thanking a 5 gifted sub when Scott made a private DM group and started a call. Quickly joining, Y/N and Scott started their usual greeting.

"Scott!"

"Y/N!"

"Scott!!"

"Y/N!!"

"Scott!!!"

"Y/N!!!"

"Wilbur," A deep voice joined in. A startled laugh leaves them, making Scott and Wilbur join in.

"Ayup fellas." Jack Manifold startles Y/N again, his voice louder than either of their friend's voices. It's impossible to keep a straight face as they devolve into just the word "ayup".

When Y/N finally manages to load into the game, their characters face to face with Wilbur's. "Hello, Wil."

"Hello, Y/N," he says back, not moving. They keep stock still, looking straight into the camera like they assume Wilbur's doing. Actually, they pull up his stream on mute and barely manage to hide a grin when they realize he is. Taking a quick glance at his chat, Y/N can't help but giggle.

"BLUSHBUR"

"AWW WILBY IS RED"

"BLUSHBUR"

"I still prefer chadbur"

Wilbur breaks out into a giggle too, brushing his hair away from his eyes. It's odd being in proximity chat, but it's still funny to hear the distant noise of Scott and Jack arguing.

"Are you going to move?"

"Are you?"

Rolling their eyes, Y/N smiles as they move over to Jack, who's trying to throw the basketball at Scott. They devolve into "ayup" again as soon as Wilbur starts trying to talk to Scott.

Y/N shoots their webcam a quick grin and move towards the whiteboard where Scott's checking his items. With a totally innocent voice, they start bringing up last week's family party. (don't worry, covid doesn't exist in these au's unless I say so

"So, baby cousin, have you been drinking recently?”

"Oh no," he groans, instantly realizing his mistake in inviting Y/N.

"I mean, last week you were absolutely hammered and so I'm just worried." They coo, amping up their innocent tone until it sounds like they're speaking to a child. "Come on, sugar pea, tell your older cousin all your darkest secrets that I totally won't use for blackmail."

"Are you blackmailing Scott, Y/T/N?" Wilbur surprises you, his deep voice highly amused but also right next to you. They spin your avatar around, face to face, again, with Wilbur's.

They click their tongue, sighing dramatically. "I suppose I was trying to blackmail him until you came over, Wilbur Soot."

Glancing over at his stream, Y/N spots him grin mischievously at the camera. With a heavy voice, he utters four words that turn them bright red."Was I too distracting?"

"You're such a dick." They laugh.

"That's Scott's cousin you're flirting with," Jack Manifold cuts in with a mocking jeer. Y/N gratefully exit the situation and start setting up their items instead.

They can practically hear the mock annoyance in Scott's voice when they go back to bothering him. He loves Y/N though, despite the teasing.

{...}

Y/N realized after they arrived at the house that they've never played the game before.

"Scott," They start, putting their head in their hands. "How do you play?"

"Do you not know how?" Wilbur said incredulously. Jack was picking up stuff off the carts, crouching down by pressing buttons Y/N didn't know.

Y/N flushed, running a hand through their (h/l) hair. Chat both pities them and bullies them, exactly like they knew chat would. "Well, I've never played before."

"That's fine," Scott said, picking up his own gear and walking out of the van. "Wilbur can teach you. Right, Wil?"

"Sure?"

Scott didn't hear because he was already making his way into the house.

Awkwardly, they started talking. "So-? Uh, how do you pick things up?"

"You press E," Wilbur chuckled. "G is to drop things. C is crouch, J is for Journal which you'll fill out with info on the ghost, flashlight should be T."

Nodding along, Y/N started picking up things from the shelf. "What do all these things do?"

"Some of them are obvious, like Thermometer. But others are easier to explain as we go. You should pick up a camera, crucifix, and flashlight. I'll take the EMF, a camera, and a spirit box."

Wilbur's explanations weren't too hard to follow. The two of you stuck together as they wandered the house. It was two stories with a basement and the darkness was only slightly terrifying.

"Victoria Gonzales," Wilbur called out. They were about to leave the room when their flashlights started flickering. Y/N's thermometer was picking up freezing temperatures even if the room seemed safe. Their flashlights were still flickering, so Wilbur and Y/N huddled into a corner together, silently waiting.

Quietly, Wilbur started whispering to Y/N. "We can probably leave the room, right?"

"Isn't it still hunting?" They whispered back. Wilbur rolled his eyes, "C'mon, don't you trust me?"

Silently, Y/N thought about it. They did.

"Fine."They sighed. "But if anything happens I will blame you.'"

Wilbur grinned, "Absolutely nothing will happen to you, dear."

Y/N grumbled as they silently followed after Wilbur's character, pink dust scattered across their face.  The halls were dark, grey walls plain and boring but not any less terrifying. 

And unlike what Wilbur said, Y/N died 30 seconds later. It was far too quick for them to register what was even happening before the demon's hand was clawing their face out and their body was flat on the ground. 

Wilbur was next, the demon opening the doors to the closet they were hiding in and instantly killing him. They stalked away, leaving two corpses

"Wow, I never thought you'd be stupid enough to try and do this." Wilbur deflects instantly. Y/N sighs, sadly watching their corpse just lay there.

"Well, you're here with me, so that makes you stupid too."

Wilbur rolled his eyes, grinning softly. Y/N looks over, their eyes soft and shining. [Am I doing semi-realism in this now? Whatever, go with it]

Reaching out, Wilbur held their hand in his. It wasn't the smoothest, but the callouses were beautiful to him. He could die happy (if he wasn't already dead) just holding Y/N's hand.

"You did good," Wilbur murmered, closing the distance between them. Smiling, Y/N lifted their hands and caressed Wilburs cheek. It was gentle. Safe.

"So did you."

Pressing their foreheads together, Wilbur sighed softly. "You know, there's something I haven't taught you yet."

"That is?" Y/N grinned.

Wilbur closed the gap completely, pressing their lips together. It was quick and sweet, their noses bumped together but when Y/N tilted their head it all just fit. They chased one kiss after another, tasting the sweet mix of Wilbur's cherry gum and Y/N's bubblegum ring pop.

Wilbur leaned back, his hands placed on their waist tightly. "I guess that's one thing you don't need to learn."

They breathed heavily, still gazing into each other's eyes. Wilbur smiled and then the world flipped.

{《☆》}

"I got it right, it was a demon," Scott bragged over Jack's defeated guess of a Wraith. Wilbur blinked and his chat was going crazy, full of the same thing.

Y/NBUR

Y/NXWILBUR

KINDA GAY KINDA POG

KISS KISS FALL IN LOVE

"Shut up chat," Y/N said, Wilbur glanced up, grinning. Maybe his chat wasn't the only one being annoying

{《☆》}

[Okay, guys. So I started writing this off of the second phasmophobia stream Wilbur had and halfway through he went live with another phasmophobia stream and it was the best and worst timing because I couldn't focus but also *Wilbur my beloved*]

[-L0v3, k1ng]

[fruitcoops]

So this is sort of similar to the people writing fanfic about the lions but can you imagine the YouTube edits? Like the videos that are just "Cap having heart eyes for Loops for 10 minutes straight" or "Loops lovingly dragging Caps name through the mud for 3 minutes" like those kinds of things and I can just imagine them doing reaction videos and it just being funny and the world just loving coops

Okay so this wasn't a specific fic request but I got carried away with imagining videos and....here you go. SW credit goes to @lumosinlove, but Grace and Anna are mine! Bonus points to anyone who remembers the easter egg in this one!

Message From: Gracie

ANNA HOLY SHIT

Anna frowned at her phone screen, squinting to read around the spiderweb crack decorating the upper corner. She had tried to convince herself that it was cool, goth, edgy, but in the end she had to admit that it was just irritating. In a tragic turn of events, packing tape couldn’t fix everything.

Message To: Gracie

Wtf did I do

Two weeks of radio silence, then unexplained accusations. Anna shook her head as the grey bubble disappeared for a third time and turned back to her computer. Grace may have been her favorite cousin—and favorite person, if she was being honest—but very few things came between Anna and video editing. Especially editing for a Lions meme video. She had a whole 2,341 followers to attend to, after all.

Message From: Gracie

DID YOU SEE THE FUCKING INTERVIEW???

Message To: Gracie

Wow thank you so helpful

Message From: Gracie

Skip to 2:45 bestie

A link popped up just as Anna cut a segment from the sleep study video, where Loops’ heart eyes were in full effect. It was a rare, precious find for fan editors like herself.

“Come on,” she groaned. Maybe introducing Grace to the deepest parts of her hockey obsession was a mistake. But, really, what else was she supposed to do when she learned her cousin, who didn’t even live in Gryffindor, got to meet her favorite players just by chilling in a café? What kind of cosmic joke was that?

She narrowed her eyes at the embed of the link, then stifled a shriek. Impossible. How had she missed an upload?

As if on cue, her computer pinged with a new notification from the Lion Pride channel. “Oh, fuck me,” she muttered, scrambling to save her half-done video and pressing play.

The interviewer asked basic questions, ones she had heard the answers to a million times while curating her content. It always felt funny to hear people refer to Cap as ‘Sirius’—it was too official, too formal. She had spent countless hours on the compilations of his softer moments, and they were her most popular videos. Cap Having Heart Eyes for Loops for 10 Minutes Gay. Cap Being an Actual Puppy for Six and a Half Minutes. Everyone Wanting Cap Cuddles for Fifteen Minutes. Every Time Cap Smiles When Someone Mentions His Godson. The list was endless. She loved it.

She did a silent fist pump when she saw the interviewer had snagged both Cap and Loops; that would give her a whole new stream of workable content. If she was lucky, she could expand on her series of Loops Lovingly Roasting His Friends, part…fuck it, who was even counting anymore?

Anna was so caught up in her excitement that she nearly forgot about Grace’s suggestion. I’ve never skipped through a video on the first watch before, she thought hesitantly. But maybe just this once…

Her cursor hovered over the 2:45mark. She closed her eyes, and clicked it.

“—have you been adjusting to life as a celebrity?” the interviewer asked. Anna nearly rolled her eyes when Loops laughed. That question had been used far too often to be interesting anymore.

“It’s had its ups and downs,” Loops said with a smile. “Mostly, though, the fans have been incredible and just knocked my socks off with their support.”

“Really? What’s your favorite part of the Lions fanbase?”

He didn’t miss a beat. “Their creativity, for sure. There was a video a while back where we reacted to some of the comments people left, and this person on Twitter made an absolutely beautiful collage of photos.”

“I have it saved to my phone,” Sirius added.

One more clip for the simp video. Anna made a note on the small corner space of her European History notes. The degree can wait for ten more minutes.

“Do you have a favorite creator?”

The interviewer was clearly teasing, but Loops’ smile was genuine. “I don’t know about a favorite, but there’s this person on YouTube who makes a shit ton of videos and they’re hysterical. I saw one the other day about—god, what was it again?”

“Every time I smile when people mention Harry,” Sirius answered around a laugh. “Can you blame me?”

Anna didn’t hear the next question. A ringing noise filled her ears as she sat, frozen, on her shitty dorm mattress and listened to her literal heroes talk about her dorky little channel. “Holy fuck,” she blurted after a moment of silence. “Holy fuck.”

“—subscribed?” The man’s voice snapped her back to reality.

“Of course I am!” Loops said. “You think I’m passing up a chance to watch a compilation of my friends making stupid decisions for the entire internet to see?”

A noise that would have been a shriek if Anna had any breath left in her body escaped her lungs; she clamped a hand over her mouth and shakily exited from the video before going to her YouTube account. 800 new notifications. 700 new followers in the last quarter hour. She was pretty sure she blacked out for a second from sheer shock and joy.

Message To: Gracie

What

Message From: Gracie

You’re famous!

Message To: Gracie

What

Message From: Gracie

I bet he knows your stuff better than he remembers me tbh

“They know me,” she whispered, staring at her computer. The unfinished video showed a perfect frame of Loops’ soft smile as he watched Cap get his toothbrush stuck in his pajama shirt. Somehow, the thought was both exhilarating and horrifying. What if they thought she was a creep? She wasn’t, not really, just a bored college student with not enough free time for a job but too much to keep herself busy with schoolwork. Her 2,341—no, 3,052—followers were just other hockey nerds looking for time to kill.

And the subject of those videos was one of her subscribers.

Anna slipped her headphones back on and began to edit like it was her last day on earth. Her fingers flew across the keyboard on muscle memory while her brain fizzed. Perfect, she thought. It has to be perfect.

In four hours, it was done. She sat back, panting, then hunched over again and began tapping out a title card.

Hello. Idk if anyone saw the new Lion Pride video today (linked below if anyone wants to see why I’m dying right now) but apparently Remus Lupin is subscribed to this channel and has been for a while.

Hi Loops. I’m Anna. You met my cousin once and she said she liked your sweater.

Now that that’s out of the way, please enjoy the next five minutes of our new rookie being the sappiest mf in existence (except for his fiancé). Mr. Lupin, please tell Hattie I say hello.

She pressed upload, peeled her headphones off, and collapsed backward on her bed.

Message To: Gracie

If I die here, tell the world I did it doing what I loved

Message From: Gracie

Will do

OH FUCK YOU FOR BRINGING UP THE SWEATER I SOUND LIKE A CREEP

Anna covered her itchy eyes with her forearm and settled in for a long, long nap. Her brain still needed to repair a few circuits.