#oh i know where celeste's brain is at constantly a little bit right now

[warlordfelwinter]

waterdeep campaign off to a powerful start the dm almost made me cry during celeste's like 1 hour solo session

[awanderingdeal]

Summer Camp AU - Chapter 1 - Regulus

The first official chapter of Summer Camp AU. I’m afraid this isn’t such a cheery one but is necessary for plot building. Content warnings for panic attacks, anxiety and mentions/implications of abuse. 

Thank you to my betas for their incredible work! 

As always, this universe belongs to @lumosinlove and I thank her profusely for the creation of these wonderful wonderful characters and for allowing us to play with them. You’re the best! 

For previous and future chapters see masterlist

Rating: T

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Regulus ran a hand through their black hair. Despite being out of their parents’ house for a little over a year now, they still didn’t feel comfortable in anything but the short cropped style. It was the same one that they’d had since the day they’d started kindergarten, and mixing it up had felt like one change too many in a year of unknowns. 

Looking around, they felt like everybody else there already knew at least one person and that they were the only one who had come alone. They considered trying to introduce themself to one of the groups close by, but decided that going to check out who their roommate was would be a better idea. 

Regulus struggled to make friends. The posh, stand-offish approach that had been drilled into them by their parents was difficult to shake off and people didn’t seem to take kindly to it. A roommate would be forced to spend enough time with them that they would slowly start to see that he wasn’t such an ass underneath it all. 

With a gameplan in hand, Regulus felt a bit better as they traipsed across the camp, following the map they had been given to the building labelled staff HQ. 

That was until their eyes locked onto the piece of paper pinned to the bulletin with their room assignment on; cabin 6 - Regulus Black and Sirius Black. Their brain spun through a cacophony of thoughts so quickly that they couldn't quite grasp on to them. Maybe it was just a coincidence, they tried to reason. The reassurance lasted microseconds. How many people were named Sirius Black after all. 

Regulus felt a dull feeling buried in their chest. An itch almost. They knew the feeling intimately. They tried to steady their breathing. 5 seconds in 5 seconds out. The itch wasn't going. In fact, it was getting worse. They pressed the heel of their hand against their sternum rubbing it harshly but the sensation persisted. 

"Excuse me, could I see the list please?" a voice cut through the fuzziness of Regulus' brain. 

"Oh. Yes. Sorry," Regulus rushed out, turning on their heel and walking quickly to the exit, feeling a sudden need to be out of the building. Once outside, their eyes darted around looking for somewhere that felt safe. Their fingers clenching and unclenching by their side. Their knuckles felt tight and irritated, as if there was a pressure building inside them. Focus, Regulus. Find somewhere safe. 

They didn't quite remember moving but they somehow found themself sitting behind a tree. It was thick, and the angle of the stage they had just been listening to Dumo speak from did a good job of blocking them from the view of the other staff. They just needed a minute to compose themself. However, as they let out another slow breath, letting it whistle through their teeth, they looked up and their eyes met another pair. 

"Hello, I'm Celeste," the motherly looking woman introduced herself. 

"I know." Regulus blurted out. Dumo had already told them that. 

Celeste ignored the interruption. "I saw you sitting over here by yourself and wanted to check that you were okay. I know it can all be a lot if it's your first time with us." 

"I am okay," Regulus nodded slowly. "I'm okay," they repeated, unsure which of them they were trying to convince.

Celeste watched them carefully for a moment before replying, "If you are sure. I will be nearby if you change your mind," She took a final glance at them before starting to walk away. 

Celeste had barely walked a few meters before Regulus called out, "Wait. Please." 

She stopped immediately, turning to face them again. "I'm still here," she said softly.

"I know that Dumo said that we couldn't switch rooms but do you think that he would make an exception?" Regulus asked, their voice filled with hope. 

Celeste cocked her head slightly, "What's your name?" 

Regulus was a bit blindsided by the question. It wasn't an answer to their own after all. They pulled themself to their feet, dusting off the dirt from their clothes. Mother wouldn’t approve.  "It's Regulus," they finally answered, gesturing to their name badge. 

"Regulus." Celeste repeated the name.

 It was a bit annoying. Couldn’t she just answer the question? 

"Have you had a disagreement with your roommates, Regulus?" Celeste asked. 

"He's my brother," Regulus said, the reply seemingly leaving their mouth of their own accord. "We are not...we have not spoken in quite some time."

Celeste looked at them for a long time. They could tell that she wanted to ask more questions but instead she beckoned to Regulus, "come with me. We will speak to Pascal and see what we can do." 

Regulus followed Celeste over to the stage where Dumo was standing with another man. They seemed affectionate. Dumo had introduced Celeste as his wife though, right? Regulus dismissed the thought, it was really none of their business and they had more important things to think about at this moment in time. Their eyes scanned over the small group of people left whilst Celeste spoke to Dumo. Relief washed over them when they noticed that none of them were Sirius. Regulus wasn’t ready to see him yet. 

“Regulus?” Dumo said, making Regulus jump as they were jolted out of their thoughts. 

“Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.” Dumo apologised, giving Celeste a small smile that apparently served as a gentle dismissal, because she tapped Regulus reassuringly on the shoulder and left. 

“Now, I hear that you wish to change your room?” Dumo said, waiting for Regulus’ short nod before continuing, “Remind me where you are helping us out, please?”

Regulus cracked their knuckles. “I’m teaching archery,” they replied, almost wincing at the timidity of their voice. Mother wouldn’t approve. They had always been so sure of themself, their parents constantly reinforcing the fact that they were special. However the last few years had left them feeling ground down and wary. It had been hard to bounce back. 

Dumo nodded. “Ahh, good, not a cabin counsellor. I’m sure that we can find you a space somewhere. The thing is Regulus…”

Regulus worried their lip between their teeth. There was always a problem where they were concerned. Nothing could ever be easy could it?

“The thing is, this is supposed to be a safe space for our kids. I can’t have hostility at the camp. Can you assure me that there isn’t going to be any problems between you and Sirius?”

Regulus took a deep breath, rubbing the heel of their palm into their temple. Their head hurt. They just wanted to lie down. “I promise there will not be any trouble on my part,” Regulus replied. It was the truth. They would be happy if they didn’t see Sirius at all. 

“Of course, I do not know the source of your troubles but would you be willing to sit and talk with Sirius? At least to come to some sort of agreement during your time with us. Perhaps with Celeste to mediate?” Dumo asked.

“Do I have to?” Regulus squeaked, much to their embarrassment. 

“No,” Dumo shook his head. “You will not be forced to do anything that you do not want to here at Gryffindor. It’s a safe place for you too,” he continued, reaching out to pat Regulus’ arm. 

Regulus flinched before the hand had even made contact and Dumo pulled his hand away quickly. 

“I’m sorry, I should have asked before I touched you,” Dumo apologised. 

“It’s stupid. I know you weren’t going to hurt me.” Regulus sighed. They wondered if they would ever be normal and if their upbringing was ever going to not affect them? “Can we just find me a room please?” 

Dumo looked at them for a long time. The gaze was reminiscent of the one that Celeste had fixed them with earlier. Dumo seemed to want to say something and Regulus doubted that the “Yes, let’s go and look at the room plans,” that was verbalised was it. 

Regulus followed Dumo back to the building that he had been in earlier. It was quiet now. They watched Dumo scan the sheet quickly before tapping a finger against it, “Oui, there is a space here.” 

Regulus smiled at the small french word. It made them feel more at home. They hadn’t been in Quebec since they’d run away and they missed it a lot. Their eyes fell to where Dumo’s finger met the sheet; Cabin 10 - Leo Knut.

“Come, I will take you there. You’ve lost a lot of settling in time already. There is no need for you to be lost too.” Dumo said.

“I will be fine,” Regulus argued. “I don’t have much to unpack.” 

“Indeed. But you look like you could do with a rest. And the longer, the better.” 

Regulus cursed their pale skin, knowing that the heating of their cheeks was most definitely showing up as a bright pink blush, “Yes. I am quite tired.” 

Dumo led the way to the cabin and Regulus had to admit that they probably would have gotten lost at least a few times if they had tried to make it there by themself. The door to the cabin was open when they arrived, and Regulus could see a tall blond carefully folding t-shirts into one of the drawers under the bed.

Dumo knocked on the open door, making the occupant jump a little. “Hello, Leo isn’t it? Regulus here will be taking the second bed in this cabin. I know you were supposed to have it to yourself so I hope it’s not too much of a disappointment.”

Regulus wrapped their arms around themself and dropped their eyes to the floor, making themself small in a way that reminded them of being shoved in a corner at their grandparents house, and being told to, “sit there quietly and don’t be a nuisance.”

“Oh, hey!” Leo beamed. “No, that is perfect. I was a bit disappointed to be alone, if I’m telling the truth. It’s just not the camp way is it?” 

Regulus noticed that there was a twang to the words. Something southern. 

“Excellent, I’ll leave you two to settle in then,” Dumo said, giving a nod before leaving. 

A breath that Regulus didn’t even know that they had been holding escaped when they dropped their backpack onto the free bed and sat down. It was a few moments before they felt Leo’s stare.

“Sorry,” Regulus apologised. “I’m Regulus. But you already knew that because Dumo just told you. I’m such an idiot. Shit, sorry. I’m just really tired.” The words just wouldn’t seem to stop coming. How had they spent so many hours having elocution lessons drilled into them just to become such a bumbling mess? 

“Hey, no, don’t worry.” Leo’s voice broke through Regulus’ monologue. “I’m Leo. Pronouns are he/him and I’m gay as fuck.” He sat down on the bed as he gestured to the name tag and a couple of pins attached to his t-shirt. A rainbow. Make it GAY. A small Stitch waving a trans flag with the words ‘Ohana, means nobody gets left behind’ on it. “I can be quiet if you want to take a nap?” Leo added. 

“That’d be nice.” Regulus nodded. “You don’t really need to be quiet though. I sleep like the dead.” 

Leo merely gave a smile and stretched a long arm to grab a book from his suitcase.

Regulus had only just rolled up into a ball and clenched their eyes closed hoping at least a little sleep would come their way when they abruptly turned back over to face Leo. “Hey. Could I ask you something?” 

“Sure, go ahead,” Leo said, seemingly unfazed by the sudden question. He just glanced at the corner of his book, set it down and turned his attention to Regulus. 

Regulus wasn’t sure why they were about to spout their personal history to somebody who was practically a stranger but there was something about Leo that was reassuring. “Do you have siblings?”

Leo shook his head, hand going to his wrist to play with the frayed end of the rainbow bracelet wrapped around it, “No, just me, my Mama and my Dad. Why do you ask?”

Regulus let out a breath of air through their nose, wondering how they could explain the situation. “I have a brother, but he left home when I was 11. I haven’t seen him since.” Regulus started. Leo just looked at them patiently despite the long pause, apparently recognising that they weren’t finished. “But he’s here. I was supposed to room with him. I just...I can’t. And Dumo wants me to meet with him and I said no but I don’t know if I should have and what if, maybe I should just go home?” Regulus rambled, no longer trying to bend their thoughts into coherency. 

“Reg,” Leo said, kneeling by his bed now. Regulus couldn’t help but notice how tall he was from this close. “Hey, calm down. Just breathe.” 

Regulus watched Leo’s mouth taking in long breaths and tried to copy them. 

“That’s it.” Leo reassured. “I’m not sure if I got all that properly but you and your brother, did you get along before he left?”

Regulus squeezed their eyes shut before replying, “We did when we were little. We were each other’s best friend and then he...it was my fault, I thought he was wrong. I didn’t realise they…”

“Reg,” Leo interrupted them again. “ You don’t have to make any decisions now. Whether you meet your brother or not. Whether you go home or not. They can all wait until you’ve had some sleep. No offense but you look exhausted,” he gave a small chuckle. “And maybe put the pack off the bed, take your shoes off, get under the sheets? I’ll be right over there. Nobody is going to sneak up on you.”

Regulus cocked their head at Leo, wondering how the boy who could barely have been 18 was so wise. 

“Hey, I could read to you if you wanted?” 

Regulus grumbled, “I’m not a kid.” 

“Good, because this story isn’t really appropriate for kids. It’s about a group of college students who murder their friend.” Leo snorted. 

“Such great naptime reading,” Regulus laughed. 

“Shut up. Do you want it or not?” Leo teased playfully, rolling onto his feet and making his way back to his own bed. 

“Yeah, sure. Just give me a second,” Regulus replied, placing their backpack on the floor and beginning to take off their shoes. They tried to relax. Leo was right. Even if they decided to go home they could let themself sleep for a bit before they started the long journey back to California. They’d make decisions later. 

[thisyearingaming]

1997 - This Year in Gaming

Muggins here was born in ‘97, and can’t really remember much of it, natch. But there were some good things released this year - I’ve played every one of these, and have missed so many more.

Diablo - Windows, January 3rd

We start with dungeon-crawl-em-up and well-loved out of season April Fool’s Joke, Diablo. I’ll be totally honest - I don’t like Diablo that much. It’s absolutely fine, I just can’t get into it. The writing, setting and characters are all very good especially since this year only marks the beginning of games being seen as a bit more adult and intelligent. Check out this gameplay from Hour of Oblivion on YouTube, and marvel at the faux-Scottish accent on Griswold the blacksmith.

Mario Kart 64 - Nintendo 64, February 10th

Compared to its more recent versions, Mario Kart 64 is a veritable bloody relic of the past - solid controls and a quirky style mean it’s still a crowd pleaser to this day, but you’d be hard pressed to find anyone right now that would die on the hill of it being their favourite single-player racing experience. It’s also got some of the deepest, impenetrable lore in any medium known to the human race - why exactly is Marty the Thwomp locked up here?

Blast Corps - Nintendo 64, February 28th

February’s position as most boring month of the year is shaken up a bit by having a uniquely designed Rare game slammed into its 28-day long face. Blast Corps is the puzzle-action game where you take control of several vehicles to destroy homes and buildings in order to prevent a nuclear warhead exploding in the coolest incarnation of Cold War politicking ever seen in a video game. Calling Blast Corps a “hidden gem” these days is like calling Celeste a hidden gem - it impresses nobody and makes you look like a dick. 

Turok: Dinosaur Hunter - Nintendo 64, March 4th 

The N64 was home to a surprisingly large number of above-average shooters despite its muddy graphics and small cartridge space - Turok is one of these, a great FPS game where you shoot the SHIT out of dinosaurs. Brett Atwood of Billboard said it was like Doom and Tomb Raider mixed - Doom Raider, if you will. I say it isn’t - there’s no demons, and there’s no polygonal breasts to poke dinosaurs’ eyes out with! 

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night - Sony PlayStation, March 20th

What is a retrospective? A miserable little pile of opinions. I’ve only recently played through SotN for the very first time on a TOTALLY LEGITIMATE copy with a CRT filter. Bloody good (geddit?) game, that takes the repetition of its predecessors, improves on it in basically every conceivable way, and combines it with special effects and graphics that even 23 years later had me going “ooh, that looks quite good!” Symphony’s music and audio design are wonderfully paired with a deeply enjoyable experience that’ll have you saying “mm, maybe just one more room?”

Tekken 3 - Sony PlayStation, March 20th

Also releasing from the Land of the Rising Sun that day was Tekken 3, which many believe is still one of the best fighters ever made. Tekken 3′s combat is so fast and responsive that it’s better than some games made today. T3 is also the best and easiest way to knock seven shades of absolute shite out of your friends without risking a massive head injury or a trip to the headmaster’s office... where you could also challenge him, but only if he plays as my favourite Not-Guile-or-Ken character in gaming, Paul. 

Sonic Jam - Sega Saturn, June 20th

The moment Sega realised that re-packaging old Mega Drive games would net them serious cash - although unlike later collections, this is a strictly Sonic affair, and has a neat little 3D world to run around in as a sort of hub world. Sonic X-Treme proved that Sonic Team would have to work hard at getting the fastest thing alive into 3D space properly: Jam is the sort of test ground for it too. It features some genuinely good emulation work for 1997, although it’s basically the gaming equivalent of going round to your grandparents at Christmas only for them to give you the exact same gifts you got in 1991, 1992 and 1994 but wrapped in a bow to make you think it’s different. What are you lookin’ at, you little blue devil?

Star Fox 64 - Nintendo 64, June 30th

So there’s this German company, right, called StarVox. Nintendo look at Europe and say “shit, we don’t want another lawsuit... after all, we’ve done three this year!”. So they give us in the PAL region the exciting title of Lylat Wars which as far as I know means absolutely fucking nothing in the context of the game. They’re still called Star Fox in-game too so what was the point? Anyway, fun 3D shooter with graphics that’ll make you do a barrel roll off the sofa and onto the power button to make the brown and green blurs a little easier on the eyes. Hello 2007, I’ve come back to make old references with you!

Carmageddon - Windows, July 30th

The game so scary it was BANNED in the UK! More like the game so fucking shit it was banned. Carmageddon is so deeply boring to play on PC that I can only imagine that Stainless Games made it tasteless by 90s standards simply to ramp up demand - much like another game we’ll be covering soon. 

Herc’s Adventures - Sony PlayStation, July 31st

“And they said Kratos was the best hero? Shish... they got it wrong, sister! Hercules is clearly better... he even has a coconut weapon.” A surprisingly fun overhead action game that most people only know for... well, I’ll just embed it.

Mega Man X4 - Sony Playstation, August 1st

A few years ago I tried playing every Mega Man game there is - I gave up at X3 because I was getting bored. Even still, Mega Man bores me - but at least the level design is good. Stay away from the Windows port. Pictured: me in the background yawning.

GoldenEye 007 - Nintendo 64, August 25th 

The name’s Intro. Overused intro which I also managed to fuck up twice through the deeply editable medium of text. GoldenEye is like the Seinfeld of console shooters - playing it nowadays you’re unlikely to be amazed but holy shit there’s some absolute greatness in this game. Every sound and every piece of music in GoldenEye is permanently seared into my brain - sometimes I’ll just hear Facility or Frigate in my head alongside the door opening sound and the gentle PEW of the PP7. I mean come on, fucking listen to this and tell me Grant Kirkhope isn’t cool as all hell.

LEGO Island - Windows, September 26th

The first open world experience I ever had was LEGO Island. It’s still quite good today, utterly deranged animation from the likes of the Infomaniac and Brickster - a cautionary tale for children that giving pizza to high-profile criminals is disastrous for the human LEGO race. 

Fallout - Windows, October 10th

War never changes, but franchises do. Fallout’s legendary status in the industry is exemplified in how different it feels. Yes, we had the game Wasteland nine years prior, but until September 97 there was nothing quite like Fallout. From the chilling introduction sequence showing the ruins of the United States to the tragic ending, Fallout is an exercise in pure human misery with the brightest spots of hope it can possibly muster thrown in for good measure. What begins as a tedious isometric point-and-click RPG ends as a minigun-wielding power fantasy, before your entire worth is stripped from you at the finish line. You have 500 days to find a water chip before it’s too late, but you’re constantly being fought by terrifying Super Mutants, irradiated animals, and the biggest monster of all - humanity. See what I did there? If anything, humanity in Fallout’s setting would be the greatest unifying force possible against the horror of the outside world. But how is it? It’s dull, it’s sluggish, and it’s really hard to get into even if you’re already a fan - but push through that and it’s worthwhile to see exactly how far the series got before Todd Howard said “eh fuck it” and had the whole thing dipped into an FEV vat.

Grand Theft Auto - Sony PlayStation, October 21st

To put it simply, the first in the GTA series is now nothing but a novelty. It has an irritating camera, wonky controls, poor graphics and deeply repetitive gameplay. But thank fuck it exists, because without it the Rockstar story may have been very different indeed. It’s quintessential cops and robbers gameplay, spanning across Liberty City, Vice City and San Andreas in one game, but with maps so far removed from their modern incarnations they may as well be named “Not New York, Possibly Bristol and Orange Town”. People really fucking hated Hare Krishnas in the 20th Century, didn’t they?

Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back - Sony PlayStation, October 31

A hard one to talk about, honestly - it’s more Crash and better than the first one. It looks great, and Crash controls so well compared to his first outing. It’ll also keep you playing for 100%, fiendishly addictive and unashamedly difficult. Had a weird cover that moved with your head. 

PaRappa the Rapper - Sony PlayStation, November 17th

Type type type the words into the box! (Type, type, type - uh oh - the box?)

PaRappa is a gorgeously stylised rhythm game about rapping to steal the heart of the girl of your dreams - which involves learning karate, getting your driver’s license, selling bottle caps and frogs, making a cake, desperately trying not to shit yourself, and finally performing live on stage. Every one of its segments is so well-produced that they’d genuinely sell like ghost cookies in this era of shite rap. Notable for producing the greatest Jay-Z backing track ever made.

Sonic R - Sega Saturn, November 18th

Sonic R is absolutely FINE with vibrant textures, interesting levels, neat gimmicks and decent controls. But I’m gonna talk about its fucking AWESOME soundtrack by Richard Jacques and T.J. Davis, an eclectic mix of Europop and New Jack Swing - even thinking about it is bringing tears of absolute joy to my eyes hearing Super Sonic Racing in my head. You’ve got the main theme, Living in the City, Can You Feel the Sunshine, Back in Time, Diamond in the Sky, Work It Out and Number One - all of these are absolute club bangers and genuinely wouldn’t be out of place in a 90s disco. 

Tomb Raider II - Sony PlayStation, November 18th

Lara Croft returns to single-handedly endanger every species on Earth. TR2 is really good, the exploration and puzzle-solving aspects of the first game expanded upon here and the gunplay remaining just as punchy. Lara’s got a fully-functioning ponytail which absolutely boggles the fucking mind - a lot of work went into Lara’s hair for the 2013 reboot, so I can’t imagine the amount of man hours it took to get fluid(ish, come on, it’s the PS1 we’re talking about) hair movements in 1997. 

And really, that’s all I played from 1997. I’ve left out big hitters like Quake II, Gran Turismo and Diddy Kong Racing, but I simply haven’t formed an opinion on them yet. Maybe in a future post. 

Thanks for reading.