#oh great now this is gonna be stuck in my parakeet brain

[realbugmom]

Dialogue prompts, from chaotic to cursed

Alternatively called Shit My Classmates Say or “maybe it’s time to find some new friends”

1. “Why’s wheely over there throwing gang signs at me?” “That’s sign language.”

2. “Hey could you maybe not vandalize the decorations? Thanks.”

3. “You have been banned from my server, blocked and reported.”

4. “At least my mom thinks I’m cool.”

5. “Who are all the fucking gummy vitamins again?!”

6. “Those are bold words for somebody in stabbing range.”

7. “I’d kill you for a Klondike bar.”

8. “Unblock me you coward.”

9. “Who wants to start a gang?”

10. “Mom he/she’s doing that thing again!”

11. “Honey, I love you, but that is not a stray dog/cat.”

12. “I think I’d rather hit my ankle repeatedly with a razor scooter.”

13. “For the last time, Shrek is not a real religion!”

14. “Can’t man, my mom says no.”

15. “Can you babysit my 23 year old for me?”

16. “Tell me again how you got kicked out of your own baptism?”

17. “I’ve got the eggs and vinegar. Let’s party.”

18. “You know I can’t say no to free glow sticks.”

19. “You can’t just lick things to claim them as your own!”

20. “Sir/ma’am, I’m going to ask you one more time to please leave the ball pit.”

21. “See those 4 cars? A drunkard would see 8!” “But there’s only 2.”

22. “That sounds a bit morally ambiguous, and very dangerous. I’m in.”

23. “Would you be interested in buying a gently used inflatable doll?”

24. “Why’d you do that?” “I wanted to see what would happen.”

25. “I thought you said this was a church group?!”

26. “What’d you get?” “69.” “Nice.”

27. “I’ve taken a liking to biting the hands of my relatives whenever they pinch my cheeks to assert my dominance.”

28. “I’m going to punch you in the liver so hard you’ll shit yourself.”

29. “If I’m ever a brain dead vegetable, please unplug me.”

30. “Now I’m not saying I tricked them into making mustard gas, but...”

31. “Get in loser, we’re gonna go commit identity theft.”

32. “Please don’t hurt me I work at Walgreens.”

33. “Boy we sure showed them! Did you see how uncomfortable they got when I started crying?”

34. “They’re dead now. No it’s okay, I didn’t like them that much anyway.”

35. “Those are killer dance moves, my fr-oh god you’re having a seizure.”

36. “I’m just trying to get away from the three ring shit show called my life.”

37. “I’ve been teaching my parakeet a few new words. Wanna hear what he’s learned?”

38. “Thank god you’re back! Please don’t ask how I got stuck in this position, just help me out.”

39. “Are you mad at me?” “Yes! Very much so!” “Good.”

40. “What we really need an exorcist and a concerning amount of holy water.”

41. “Your money or your life.” “Bold of you to assume I have either.”

42. “Dude. You look like shit.”

43. “How the hell do you even sleep at night?!” “Usually in fetal position, sometimes while hugging a pillow.”

44. “I have an idea.” “Is it a good one?” “I said I have an idea.”

45. “Fucking hell.” “Language.” “Fucking heck.”

46. “He/she is the poster child for children on leashes.”

47. “No words can describe just how badly I’d like to hit you with a chair.”

48. “Do a backflip!”

49. “Stop acting like such a dick, we all know you’re a pussy.”

50. “You’re literally in a hospital bed, and you’re asking if I’M okay?!”

51. “In about five seconds I’m gonna make the Holocaust look like a fucking joke.”

52. “I left my knife in the wrong pants.”

53. “Sometimes self care is screaming really loudly in a car by yourself, far away from your family.”

54. “What she/he needs is a cup of cyanide and a firm punch in the throat.”

55. “All the bleeding is internal. That’s where the blood is SUPPOSED to be.”

56. “I’m here physically but mentally? I’ve checked out.”

57. “I want to go home, and take a very long nap until I forget how to wake up.”

58. “I can’t believe you’ve been hiding in the neighbor’s playhouse to do your sick deeds!”

59. “I am not above putting myself into a coma.”

60. “Mom they’re krumping on the roof again!”

61. “I had a midlife crisis at 16.”

62. “That was our only way home!”

63. “I am going to die, in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, surrounded by idiots.”

64. “My talents include falling asleep in weird uncomfortable spaces.”

65. “The only thing I’ll be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother.”

66. “You can’t fire me! I quit!”

67. “It’s like numerous tiny paper cuts on my finger webbing.”

68. “You are a very sad, strange little man and you have my pity.”

69. “That is absolutely repulsive, and I love it.”

70. “Somehow managed to get drunken sailor stuck in my head on loop.”

71. “Sleep an hour last night.” “Why?” “Got arrested.”

72. “I will face god and walk backwards into hell.”

73. “Do I look like the kind of man who dies.”

74. “As American as apple pie and mass murder.”

75. “You’re the best bad influence ever.”

76. “You are the tightest tightass who ever tightened up an ass.”

77. “I bet I could fight this alligator.”

78. “Great. Who invited the trash gremlin?”

79. “You’re my least favorite child.” “I’m your only child!”

80. “And you just say there and RECORDED it?!...I wanna see.”

81. “At least a jackass pulls their own weight, jackwagon!”

82. “Hold my beer.”

83. “Now, on the list of things that are not okay, that was really, not okay.”

84. “Who needs a real doctor anyway?”

85. “Fuck off you spooky midget.”

86. “Thou art a smelly pirate hooker.”

87. “Wow that quote was really deep. Who said it?” “Spongebob.”

88. “Is it real or fake?!” “Yes.”

89. “Fucking superb you funky little lesbian.”

90. “Thank you for coming to my TED talk.”