#oh boys we're really in it now!

[egophiliac]

innocently logging in to look at the Twst schedule for May like

[the-greatest-magic-of-all]

Breaking the tense silence that had fallen over the entire village, as Riz and Maximum watched the villagers and the villagers watched the former King’s body, came the sound of hoofs and wheels.

A gilded carriage pulled by a fleet of golden stags glided across the dirt village roads. As noble as it was frightening, all of the villagers it rolled by instinctively bowed and lowered their gazes.

The vehicle’s driver, a weathered old Goblin with deep wrinkles and well-kept clothes, brought the carriage to a stop about twenty feet away from Riz and Maximum, who had their weapons readied for yet another fight.

Everyone’s eyes followed the driver as he dismounted and rounded the carriage to the door. But just as the old man was about to let whoever was inside out—it burst open. And from this imposing sight came a not-so-imposing man.

Dressed in ill-fitting, scholarly robes, a spindly, wide-eyed Goblin leapt from the carriage nigh, bursting with frantic yet perpetually exhausted energy. Adjusting his huge, round glasses on his nose as his head whipped around, he shouted, “Your Majesty! I implore you to listen to—” before his eyes landed on the former King’s dead body. “—reason.”

Maximum’s grip on his blade tightened as the spindly Goblin crept closer to the body. Likewise, he heard the click of Riz’s arquebus right after. No one even dared breathe as the Goblin inspected the wounds, peering closer and sniffing them. Only to watch him recoil from them the lingering scents of iron and ashwood.

A beat.

And then,

Crack!

The Goblin kicked the former King’s head so hard his crown jolted from his head before he flinched back as if expecting retaliation. When it did not come, a broad grin grew on his gaunt face, and he turned to face the villagers with an electric energy he had not had a few seconds before.

“Yup! He’s dead!”

In a split second, the entire village’s mood flipped on a dime.

Riz and Maximum were suddenly surrounded by cheers and revelry as the common folk of the Goblin Court celebrated the death of their King. Cries of joy sounded out from Drezza and her children as they hugged and chattered at a relieved-looking Sarah. Straw hats were thrown in the air. Younger Goblins whooped and hollered. The older ones sang what sounded like a victory song.

“Huh,” Maximum said as he sheathed his sword and let all the tension in his body go. Smirking as he arched a brow at Riz. “Okay, maybe they’re cool with a bit of regicide. You better watch out.”

Riz chuckled, twirling his arquebus before settling it in its holster. “Apparently!”

The following hours were as hectic as could be.

Though, more for the newly titled Riz than anyone else.

Apparently, Ick, the spindly Goblin, had been the last guy’s Royal Advisor and cautiously approached the two of them amid all the celebrations. He’d been guided to them by a jet-black shortsword taken from the previous King’s corpse. The Sword of Shadows. A present from the Queen of Air and Darkness long ago and the chosen weapon of the Goblin King, Ick explained as he held it out for Riz to take.

Whisps of shadows floated off of the sleek, sharp blade as he wrapped his claws around the sword’s hilt. A jolt of magic emanated a moment after as it settled into his hands. The sword and the realm acknowledged him as its rightful ruler. By the time he finished testing the feel of it in his hands, Ick and every villager were settled in deep, reverent bows. All directed toward him. Even Sarah gave him a curtsey with a knowing smile on her lips.

His hackles raised at the sight, Riz took a couple of steps back until he bumped into Maximum Legend’s leg. Leaping into the air like a startled cat, his tail whipped back and forth behind him as he caught Maximum’s eye. The unease of the station he’d taken clear in his pinned back ears and his razor-thin pupils.

Maximum could only laugh and shake his head. Of course, Detective Riz Gukgak is one of the only people in the world to be disturbed by genuflection. While he couldn’t say the same, the last thing they needed was for Riz to freak out on any of the locals.

Tapping him on the shoulder, Maximum flashed Riz a cheesy smile before giving him a comically deep and dramatic bow and laying it on thick as he gushed, “Your Majesty!”

Thankfully, Riz’s hackles slowly lowered as he rolled his eyes and blew a raspberry at him. Maximum stuck his tongue out in return. All worth it in the end, as Riz did his best to keep a smile off of his face. Tucking the Sword of Shadows away in his briefcase before straightening himself out and getting down to business.

By Sarah’s account, there were probably a handful of “brides” that had been born, if not in Solace, then in at least the Material Plane, and Maximum knew Riz wouldn’t live with himself if he left them behind.

So, much to Ick’s delight, the two of them joined him in the gilded carriage to head back to the castle with a plan to pick Sarah up on the way back. She seemed happy enough to stay with the villagers (of Bugbarrow, they later learned.) for now. Waving them off with a beaming smile before being pulled back toward Drezza’s home.

Hornhallow Castle was almost too big to be real. A sprawling fortress of what was once carved stone and built around a skyscraper of a golden-flowered, purple-leafed tree was now completely covered in greenery. The usually gloomy town of Hornhallow bustled quite a bit more than Ick had seen it in centuries. Goblins hurried to and fro on their daily rounds with a pep in their steps. Most stopped to watch the carriage go by. The ones that did either bowed as they passed or tried to get a good look at their new King within the carriage’s plush interior.

The same King who was currently sunk as low in his seat as he could go. For the love of the Gods, he was a Rogue! He wasn’t supposed to be the center of attention like this. No, this couldn’t go on any longer.

Ignoring how pleased and in his element Maximum Legend looked as he helped himself to a decanter of fine Fey wine, Riz hastily shut all of the carriage’s curtains before pulling his new advisor in close and spoke to him in Gukliak. “Listen, Ick. I appreciate you getting us here, but I’m in the Wilds for a job. To find Sarah. I’m sure you know that she went missing when—”

“Jarieth took her as a bride, yes,” Ick said, paling as he combed his claws through his greenblack ponytail. His words and tone grew stiffer and halting as he went on. “What are you going to do with her? If you… wanted to marry her, I suppose I could—”

Riz made a guttural sound of disgust in his throat at the very thought.

“By the Gods, no! Nothing! In fact,” He said, trailing off as he searched through the pool of magic he now had access to. Like picking a lock, finding and undoing the bridal bond that was trapping Sarah here was all Feel. Gentle presses on invisible strings until—for a split moment, he could envision exactly where Sarah was back in Bugbarrow. In the next, snap! She and the bond were gone from his mind’s eye. “There. Now, as soon as I talk to the rest of Jarieth’s brides, break their bonds, and get them home, Maximum and I will be on our way. So, if you could just take the title from me, that’d be great.”

Ick had never sat up so fast. Eyes bulged behind his spectacles as he said, “I beg your pardon, your Majesty?”

“No! No ‘Your Majesty.’ I don’t want it!” Riz said through a clenched jaw as he did his best not to raise his voice.

“But you challenged—”

“I know what I did! I was just…” Riz snapped before his eyes darted to Maximum, who had lifted the curtain and peered out of the carriage’s window. Waving at a group of children hollering at the carriage with a soft, tipsy smile. “… Angry and skeeved out at the time.”

“Well, no matter how you felt at the time, I certainly will not fight you for the title,” Ick said as he leaned away from Riz, pressed a hand to his chest and shook his head.

Riz grimaced as his eyes lingered on the window. “Is there someone who will?”

“No one we’d want to be our King,” Ick answered grimly. “And certainly no one who’d be able to keep us safe.”

Unable to hide his disappointment, Riz’s lips pressed together as his shoulders slumped, and he brought one hand up to cover his face. Why couldn’t Sarah have been kidnapped by a useless Lord or Count? No, that’s not fair to her. She didn’t ask to be kidnapped by the biggest creep this side of the Material Plane. Ugh, he could feel a headache coming on.

Before it fully set in, though, Ick cleared his throat, and Riz’s eyes were back on him. The advisor sat stiffly on the other side of the carriage, keeping his hands tightly curled into fists on his lap except for when he’d anxiously fix his clothes or hair. His eyes and ears remained lowered, even after he’d gotten Riz’s attention.

Clearing his throat one last time, Ick began, “I can tell. Yes, it has been a couple of Grandmothers since your family dwelled in the Wilds, but you are from here. It has been a Hag’s age since a Goblin sat on our Court’s throne. Certainly not in my lifetime, sire. I’m sure you know that the Goblin Court’s reputation with the Wilds is dismal, to say the least. One cruel and capricious ruler after the other. Not one of them cared for any of us, only power granted by ancient laws. It’s been a long and terrible night. But,” Ick raised his eyes that now burned with determination. “Forgive a man who dares hope that he’s bearing witness to the Court’s first dawn in a long, long time.”

Riz dragged the hand covering his face down it as he let out an exhausted groan.

Damn it all.

And damn his bleeding heart, twice as much.

“Ugh, fine! I’ll keep the title for now,” He said, bearing his fangs at no one in particular before glaring at a grinning Ick. “But hear me when I say I’m not staying.”

Ick graciously bowed his head and lowered his ears in submission. “But, of course, sire!” Riz thought that would be the end of it, but Ick’s eyes slid over to Maximum as his narrowed eyes tried to figure out what had Riz in such a huff. Deliberately, Ick switched from Gukliak to Common and said, “Though, it does sound like you will be staying for a night or two, yes?”

“Yes, for at least a night. We haven’t gotten a wink of rest since we got here,” Maximum said, perking up as soon as he heard the question. His glass of wine sloshed in the goblet in his hand as he leaned closer to Riz, arched his brow, and said, “Right, King The Ball?”

Through gritted teeth, as he scowled up at Maximum for not holding the line, Riz said, “I guess it wouldn’t hurt.”

“Perfect! I’ll have your quarters readied for you,” Ick clapped his hands together as the carriage finally came to a stop within the Castle’s walls. “And, if it wouldn’t displease you, sire, we have a little backlog of paperwork that requires your oversight and signature…”

When Riz walked into the King’s study, the door creaked dreadfully, dust motes floated freely through the chamber, and stacks upon stacks of parchment and scrolls were piled on tabletops and chairs, completely choking the room. How long had this room been spent untouched by kingly hands? Probably only Ick knew.

That unassuming motherfucker.

With a deep sigh, Riz rolled up his sleeves and loosened his tie. He was going to be here for a while.

Leaving a mini offering for when you awaken - Thanks for chatting with me while work has been boring me to death :3

----------------------

Fae Wilds

Fabian flinched his hand away when Riz swatted at his fingers, the goblins hand connecting with his knuckles with a stinging crack since he wasn’t pulling his punches. Not anymore. The creature that had tried to hand Fabian a strange piece of fruit snarling at the goblin and earning a venomous hiss from the detective in response before it skuttled up the tree and out of sight into the canopy.

“Just because someone is handing you something doesn’t mean you have to take it.” Riz took a calming breath, rubbing at the bridge of his nose under his glasses before resettling them on his face properly. “In fact, put your hands in your pockets. Please.”

The goblin had needed to explain this to Fabian six times already but the Fae Wilds tended to make most people who weren’t native a little vague at the best of times. He wasn’t mad at his friend, not really, he was just kind of wishing he hadn’t let the half elf invite himself on this little mission in the name of ‘watching Riz’s back’ for him. Sure, adventuring with a partner was much more enjoyable than going solo like he usually did but gods was it stressful when he had to keep an eye on Fabian the entire time. If he’d known Fabians human heritage would cause this much of a handicap on his resistance to the confusing influence of this realm he wouldn’t have let him come at all.

This excursion wasn’t in relation to Fabians case anyway, the leads on that one having run dry a while ago, but Riz still had bills to pay and the half elf was fine with him taking other clients in the meantime. They were in the Fae Wilds searching for information, the detectives current client swearing that his daughter had run off with a member of some fairy court and wanting to know where they’d gone. When Riz had gone through his daughters things he’d had to agree, some of the items and letters she’d left behind faintly humming with traces of magic from this realm when he’d checked them over.

So here they were, just the two of them, trying to find someone they could get information out of without trading away something irreplaceable. Riz had gotten a few leads from some of the less dangerous creatures in the area and had been verifying some of it with another when he heard Fabian speaking with someone behind him. The goblin having to whirl around quickly to smack Fabian on the leg to stop him from saying his name to a beautiful, naked woman that looked like they were carved out of a still living tree. Riz narrowing his eyes and baring his teeth when they ran a flirty finger under Fabian’s chin before giggling and wandering away into the forest around them.

“Oh, sorry The Ball. You were trying to get my attention?” Fabian had stared wistfully after the retreating figure until they were impossible to spot among the foliage, the half elf making a choked noise when Riz reached up to grab him by the collar of his jacket and yank him down to the goblins eye level.

“Stop. Saying. Your. Name. and REALLY stop saying your FULL name. Even if they don’t want to steal it they can do some pretty horrible stuff to you if you’re not careful.”

“Ah. Right. Sorry. Force of habit.” Fabian grinned, happy to let the goblin manhandle him around if he wanted to even though it would be very easy to resist. It meant he got to look at his face up close, even if his brows were knitted together in a frown and his ears were pinned back in a way he knew meant he was upset or worried.

“Fuck, okay. I know you’re having issues remembering all this because of-“ Riz let go of his collar with one hand to gesture vaguely around the pair of them, indicating the fae wild at large. “-but it’s going to cause problems if you keep doing that. So. Give me your name.”

“Hmm? Okay, It’s…” The half elf frowned, his own ears drooping slightly while his eye darted, unfocused, from side to side as he tried to think. “I don’t… why can’t I remember?”

“Oh, good. Excellent. I still remember it so that worked.” Riz let go of his collar, pressing their foreheads together in a brief nuzzle before stepping way from him. “You gave me your name. I’ll give it back once we go home but at least I can keep it safe for you until we do. For now you’ll just have to go by… I dunno. Maximum Legend until we leave.”

Now that a creature of this realm had control of the half-elfs name hopefully it would have the duel effect of helping to clear his mind somewhat. Maximum Legend, for his part, was doing an excellent impression of a stunned fish. Mouth hanging open slightly as he stayed crouched in the position Riz had left him in.

“That’s…. what the fuck The Ball? How in the Nine Hells did you even do that?”

“I am a creature of many talents.”

The half-elf scoffed in response but didn’t argue, standing back up to his full height and following along behind Riz as he started walking again.

It's always a delight to chat with you, and it's one of my favourite things to do! Thank you for this gift. Here's a little something in return, pulled from some of our recent chats.

---

Maximum Legend—ugh, he couldn’t believe Riz was throwing that one drunken night on Leviathan in his face—kept a hand on the hilt of his blade as he stood back to back with Riz as several masked goblins surrounded them. They’d been on their way through a forest of trees as tall as skyscrapers with thick and colourful underbrush. Following their only lead regarding the location of Riz’s client’s daughter, Sarah. Up until they’d been ambushed, of course.

He’d been ready for a fight, but he felt Riz hesitate at the same time he did, thanks to giving their attackers a second look over. Rusty pitchforks, worn sickles, and recently repaired spears. Masks made up of ripped fabric and threadbare work clothes covered with patchwork leather armour. If they were bandits, they had only just started out, but something told them that these people weren’t even that.

Riz glanced at Maximum Legend to make sure they were on the same page before he called out to one of the goblins in Gukliak. Maximum could only follow parts of the back and forth that occurred. He could surmise that Riz had asked the troupe if they’d seen a Halfling girl running around with a member of one of the nearby Courts.

For a moment, the goblins looked shifty about it, but Riz… insisted that her father only wanted to know that she was safe and bring her home if she wasn’t. A bit of conferring between the troupe and another quick exchange with Riz before they lowered their weapons. Giving them both a nod to follow.

The troupe of goblins kept them close as they led them through the forest toward a small village by a winding creek. Small farms on the outskirts of it with farmers tending to strange beasts and even stranger crops. Little houses and shops were built into the massive ivied tree trunks or carved out of giant moss-covered boulders. A village square with a tall pole wrapped in colourful ribbons and flowers that goblin villagers pass by and congregate at to stare at him and Riz as they’re led deeper into the settlement.

Eventually they are led to a hollowed out giant tree stump where the missing daughter, Sarah, a young ravenhaired Halfling woman sat in a garden of tall grass and wildflowers, playing a guitar for a hoard of young goblins. It was a sweet sight to watch for a moment or two. But sooner than later, one of the kits noticed their and their guides’ presences and a whirlwind of chaos erupted.

Sarah stopped strumming, sitting up alarmed as some of the kits raced towards a couple of the goblins who guided them here—their parents, obviously. While others, the ones on the older side stayed and began to swarm Sarah as if they could hide her with their bodies. And that is nothing to say of a matronly Goblin woman bursting out of the stump and rushing to put herself in front of Sarah and the kits as she hissed at the guides and the outsiders.

Maximum watched as Riz lowered his ears in submission to her obvious authority in this place as he began to speak to her slowly in Gukliak. At first, she wasn’t having it; not even some nudging from their guides was enough for her to let them come any closer. But luckily, Sarah was far more willing to humour them.

Slithering out of the pile of kits, she threw her guitar over her shoulder as she walked over to the Goblin matron to put a hand on her shoulder. Telling her that they most likely weren’t here on the Goblin King’s orders. She recognized their clothing; they were from her home plane. Here to rescue her. Sarah smiles at them and tells them that Drezza is just worried about her because she sees her stolen daughter in her, that’s all. She’s happy to talk to them and explain what happened to her.

You see, Sarah Timbersage had been having a really tough time at college, at her dead-end job and at home and… she’d met a guy. Handsome, almost too good-looking for words. Elven, she’d guessed at first, but he’d been light on the details. They’d exchanged letters, back and forth; old fashioned, but she’d liked it. He’d said that she could come live with him, that he’d take care of her, and she’d want for nothing…

As the fifth daughter of eight children, it was an enticing offer. Believable, too, he’d given her a beautiful necklace as if it were nothing. She hadn’t even realized she’d been enthralled until she was deep in the Feywild, within the Castle of the Goblin King. Who, she’d quickly realized, was only going to add her to a collection of “brides” he kept as a testament to his power. Including Drezza’s daughter, Pollina, though Sarah hadn't known that then. Only by pure luck did she manage to escape the fortress and disappear into the forest surrounding it.

Sarah doesn’t know how long she wandered, but one morning, after spending the night hidden in a rotted log, she was found by some of Drezza’s children. The sweet things had realized that she was not only hungry and thirsty, but also the mortal woman the Goblin King had sent scouts to find.

Now, you have to understand. Within the Goblin Court, you’d be hard-pressed to find a soul that actually revered or even liked their King. Hell, they hadn’t particularly liked their last dozen Kings! Might makes Right in the Court of Goblins, so one of the most popular ways for anyone to gain power is to kill a more powerful being than themselves and assume their title.

The worst thing is? It's an arcane issue. It doesn't matter if the courtiers and subjects of the Court despise whoever holds the title of Goblin King, no matter how this so-called King drags their Court’s reputation through the mud unless one of them can defeat him? There's nothing they can do to strip the Court-given powers from him. As much as they hated to admit it, the current Goblin King was very powerful.

And if the smoke signal from the outermost of the village's farms was correct, he was on his way here.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Lackadaisy Enrichment

[dubiousdisco]

Johnny's ass keeps pushing Sento away from the support on his back because it's too big btw, do you think Sento knows. Is Sento aware that johnny's cheeks are constantly pushing it. And if so, do you think Sento cares at all, being a sword and all. Is that mundane for a sword. Does Sento compare whose backs or waists or butts or hands felt nicer. Does Kenshi know. Would it tell Kenshi that his hands are the most caring but Johnny's ass is the biggest.

[beebfreeb]

I really like being into stuff that's no less than 20 years old. New stuff just doesn't have 2009 AMVs where my favorite character is drawn like this

I can count the pixels in these.

[ask-the-roommate-au]

let’s talk about the Old Moons death hmm? that sound nice Sun? i bet it doesnt. you didnt deserve him in the first place anyway. you killed your twin. you dont deserve him. fucking idiot.

-your least favorite anon!! :P (Drug anon)

[Sun... has left the room. Please give him a moment.]

It's just a hallucination- you're just hallucinating again. It's not real but you know it's true.

[nashvillethotchicken]

Lestat being harlequin not lelio. A romantic lover and trickster vs a friendly gay loverboy oh my god I'm sick

[incorrect-league-of-villains]

Tomura: Have to stop saying "How am I going to kill my way out of this one?" every time shit goes down.

Tomura: At least not out loud.

[martyrbat]

detective comics #582

[sugarpasteltmnt]

(I'm Alive but besties the things transpiring are bonkers beyond comprehension rn)

[afurtivecake]

Day xxx of turning Kevin Day over and over in my head like one of those light up wands that makes a noise when you flip them over:

The question that has been niggling at me is how much of Riko's violence was Kevin complicit in? I don't mean like, "How much is Kevin to blame?" I mean, how much did he have to be complicit in and how easy was that to bear? Jean was there to hold Neil down for torture and pick him back up after and he says he was "destroyed by how easy it was to fall into Kevin's bystander role" (See below).

So do you think it destroyed Kevin too? How relieved and guilty do you think Kevin feels having played his "safe" little bystander role for years while Jean gets cut to bits and drowned? How guilty does he feel when he gets to play the role of gentle friend afterwards while he patches Jean up? Has he ever noticed Jean looks at him like he's the only bright thing in Evermore and has he ever felt guilty about receiving that sort of regard? How often would Bee or Wymack or Abby have to remind him it wasn't fault and how often do you think he believes them?

Kevin isn't exactly a naturally good, empathetic person and he probably knows this about himself. --He's got about the same emotional range and capability as Neil (which is to say, very basic at best - maybe just slightly better than that of a turnip). The closest he can get to asking if someone is ok is to check if they can still hold a racquet and play. His reaction to most horrific events is muted, if not non-existent. He also ghosts his girlfriend for a year while apparently still expecting her to remain his girlfriend after he figures shit out. He is demanding and arrogant when it comes to exy and he absolutely does use Jean's affection for him to get him to distract Riko while he escapes. --So how guilty do you think he feels for having stood by while Riko enacted violence, knowing himself not to be a good person?

I think it's heartbreaking to think about Kevin Day, the scared victim, but even more devastating to consider Kevin Day, the victim who looks down at his hands and sees as much blood on them for looking away as he would have had if he had wielded the knife.

[jtownraindancer]

missing my second favourite revolutionary spy played by burn gorman tonight 🇬🇧

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

if one more thing happens. respectfully. i am going to Lose It

[nobodysdaydreams]

Giving a complicated tragic childhood backstory to your favorite character is all fun and games, until you realize you need to account for how old all the other adult characters would have been at the time and realize that scenes that would work perfectly if one character was twenty three and the other was fourteen stop working when you need other characters who are played by adult actors clearly younger than they are to be in college at the same time so your story beats line up thematically.

[raayllum]

"You took Ezran's place. And so even when I realized you had lied—and I was angry, I was also angry because… it was brave and loyal of you to do so. It showed how deep your love for your baby brother ran. It made it that much harder to think of what I would have to do. It's still one of the bravest, most selfless things I've ever seen someone do." He smiled softly. "I'd do anything for him," he said, his voice suddenly soft.

He swallowed hard and took Rayla's hand. "I'm not gonna let anything happen to you. Ever. I promise." Rayla smiled softly, squeezing his hand. "I know." He didn't lighten up. "I know I'm not a fighter the way you are, but I'll always do everything I can to keep you safe. Everything." She caught his steady gaze, and frowned. "You can't dabble in Dark Magic again." "I will if I have to." She grabbed his sleeve in her other hand, twisting her fingers around the fabric. "Callum, no, it's not right—" "It doesn't matter," Callum said fiercely. "If it's to save your life, then I'll do it. Every time."

"Rayla told me you used Dark Magic," Tinker said, more stiff and cold. Callum shrank a bit, but his eyes hardened. "I couldn't just let her die." "You'd do it again," Tinker translated. The prince scowled. "I'm not like Aaravos. He twisted the primal to be like Dark Magic. I would never do that." "Unless you felt like you had to," Tinker reiterated. "To save Rayla." "Wouldn't you do anything to save the person you love?"

—in search of silver linings, 2019 / Book Five: Ocean, 2023

[vaguely-concerned]

this is probably just my unspeakable and enduring affection for nicholas boulton's voice talking, but I honestly got a little fond of the first warden by the end after I talked him down. very nearly worst case scenario guy to have lead the wardens at the time he did and the cause of so many problems and unnecessary losses, but like. gg dude at least you really tried in the end I guess