#oh and also logun. have i mentioned logun. i want someone to give logan a gun again.

[hyperfixated-homo]

its missing old sasi aus/fics hours everyone

[notveryglittery]

"dark" side au, but -

they're actually just a bunch of assholes having fun, being petty, and taking advantage of their forms being imaginary and therefore immortal.

roman waking up each day and with a snap of his fingers, looking as if he's ready for the runway. eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man (he's got a sword for that though), perfectly intentionally tousled hair, model ass handsome ass so full of himself ass -

"no weapons at the table," chides morality as he sets down breakfast. yeah dark side!patton, idk, his morals are skewed or whatever? don't ask me, let's just say he's a touch more mean, more aggressive than passive, whatever anyway - 

"hardly a weapon when he isn't any good with it," virgil snarks which are bold words from someone in stabbing distance. 

roman stabs him.

virgil disappears in a poof of shadows and reappears in the seat across from where his illusion had been sitting. he sticks his tongue out at roman.

"no stabbing at the table!" chides morality who can't believe he has to deal with this nonsense at breakfast, the day has just started, get a fucking hold of yourselves, children.

if logan weren't planning on drinking all the coffee right from the pot, he'd probably just pour it over patton's head because maybe then that would stop him from being so bossy. but that would make a mess and it would ruin his crossword so he continues to ignore the nonsense going on around him.

which of course is why virgil takes his glass of juice and knocks it over logan's place at the table, ruining not only his crossword but his plate of food too.

"it was an accident i swear," virgil says

"shut up," roman says but he's laughing too hard for it to really even be understood

logan takes the glass and throws it at virgil's face. it crashes against the wall as virgil once again takes his shadows and melts away into them. 

"it is really too early for this," patton sighs.

logan grabs the handle of the coffee pot and weighs his options.

deceit appears right beside logan and pats him on the head. "none of that now," he soothes, as if he has any right, being the second worst instigator in the house. (yes, virgil's got him beat) 

so obviously logan instead dumps the coffee on deceit

"oh good," he says, unphased, "i so love this smell. it'll keep me awake all day. thank you very much." 

"do you like, ever shut up?" patton asks.

"no," deceit answers with a charming smile.

"no flirting at the table!" roman interrupts, "unless it's with me!" 

and if there's one thing patton and deceit can agree on, it's seeing which of them can fluster roman the best. "okay," they decide simultaneously.

logan looks into the camera like he's on the office and leaves the table before he has to deal with any of that allo-tomfoolery.

it basically boils down to the "yeah i hate this person but also i'm the only one that can fuck with them" trope. they got a lot of pent up anger and frustrations and all that and maybe "dark" sides is pushing it when they're all basically the same functions still, just a lot meaner and with less caution. like, they technically can't be permanently injured or killed, so maybe they can have a little stabbing... as a treat. 

i ended up taking this to discord bc i got self conscious about posting it, so there's extra under the read more. i'm going to say this above the read more though so it doesn't get ignored: please do not ask about/do not add remus to this post. if you really want to include him, feel free to make your own post, though i would appreciate if you gave me credit/linked back to this post, if you do so.

so we got to talking about logun, in which case i mentioned roman making a paintball course/field for them to all release some steam. but then logan loads his paintball gun with real bullets. "that is DECIDEDLY LESS FUN," roman screams. at which point, bc he can't be outdone, virgil starts ducking in and out of shadows, and just assassin knifing anyone he can. patton, with multiple stab wounds, and a gun full still of paintball bullets: this is the best, i'm having such a good time.

@hawthornshadow then suggested horror movie nights for roman and virgil in which they snuggle up together for, despite their bickering throughout the day. they'll critique the especially bad ones, with logan's help sometimes. he covers plot issues, virgil covers how it could be worse, and then they pause the movie so roman can cover how to improve it. storytime with roman is always a treat, no matter what!! he gives the movies semi-happy/fulfilling endings with patton in mind. (hawthorn really knows the way to my royality heart lol.)

and final random one i don't know where else to put: patton ""drops"" a heavy iron skillet on deceit's foot and when deceit realizes he technically doesn't need feet or nerves to feel pain, he realizes also that patton technically doesn't need lungs to breathe so deceit stabs him with a big fucking knife!