#off course there are some things that I like and won’t rb

[doodle-birdo]

I swear, I wanna reblog art and all, especially since I’m an artist and gets the disappointment of not getting many rbs on artwork, but tagging it to sort it and adding comments in those tags too takes a while. And doing it to all the works I rb takes longer. And to do it with all the art I like I feel would be exhausting.

I know I only like stuff when seeing it, and it disappoints me, like, I’m also a part of the problem. But I do that to kinda keep it in a pile for me to reblog later, when I feel like it and when I have time. And over time as I keep liking stuff, it gets pushed more and more down that pile, eventually getting lost in the like pile and like I said, adds to the problem.

Ik I can just rb without the extra tags, but, idk it feels messy? Like, I won’t be able to find the stuff again, if it pops into my head outta nowhere and I want to see the og again. Like I kinda see the blog as an archive of all the cool stuff I find, and instead those cool things get lost in the ‘like pile’, unable to be found or sorted through except by scrolling through an endless scroll through the likes.

Idk, I just wanted to get this out there.

[tfemgothwife]

awww, poor little thing you are, aren’t you? tboy butch here, really enjoy what you post and rb. you’d be suchhh a good little toy for me to fuck into constantly, whether when i get home from work and am pent up or when im laying around the house and get horny (which is most of the time) . my big strap would get so accustomed to your ass and you’d get so used to getting your prostate absolutely hammered that you’d never want to think about being fucked by anyone or anything else! i could pounce on you whenever i want, lock you in a bitchsuit or just take you as you are, hold the key to your pleasure on me at all times on my carabiner whether its for a collar, chastity cage, etc.

i know whores like you love latex, so i encourage you to go ahead and get some nice latex garments for me to come home and see you in. You’d tell me about alll the wet perverted dreams and thoughts you have about me and I’d reward you by degrading you

When I get home from work I’d hear you eagerly come to greet me. I’d pull you by the waist for a kiss and feel myself get hard immediately, and you could see some sweat trickling from my forehead and above my upper lip near my t-stache. If I was really feeling pent up, I’d push you down and take you right then and there. But, on a more typical night, you’d lower yourself to kiss my boots and kneel at my feet while I put my hand in your hair, nice and soft for me. Your nipples are perking up more, and I’ll be able to see this immediately, because why would you need to wear a bra with your husband around? That’s ridiculous!

When you come back up to your feet, I make sure to pull up the bottom of your shirt and expose your tits to me like it’s routine, because it is, and I’d give you a knowing grin knowing I’d be getting exactly what i want tonight. I’d slap them hard and hear you moan and your legs quiver, but before you could start your begging i pull your shirt back down.

Maybe I’d wait just to eat what you cooked me for dinner, just snacking while im at work to keep myself satiated. everyone at work would tell me I’m such a good husband and that it was so sweet you’d always cook for me. what i’d fail to mention, though, is that along with your delicious cooking, i got to feel you under me unzipping my jeans and sucking me off as i lay back and moan in relief after a long day. I’d love getting to take out my horniness and aggression that builds and builds, no longer having to hide it, using you as free use meat whenever I want.

You’d give me a nice massage with relaxing music and I’d let out satisfied moans and groans that would make your chest flutter and your thighs shut to try and hide that you were already getting wet. You’d revel in my noises and, of course, my scent, my beautiful natural musk that just turns your brain off and makes you into nothing but a servant as you desperately need to lap me up: my chest, my pits, my bush, my cock, anywhere. I won’t give it to you, yet, you always forget that not everyone is an easy slut like you - I’m certainly not

I’d want your cock in me often so I could feel full, and you’d nearly faint from the feeling of my warmth as I tighten around you and milk you. I’d jerk off onto your tits often. I’d use knotted dildos and force them all the way inside you and tell you to take me. I’d have so many opportunities to remind you what a pervert you’ve given yourself to: in the shower, where we’ll bathe together and i’ll get your privates and tits all nice and soapy, god, whore, you’re getting me all worked up thinking about what i deserve, the life that should be ours, mine, along with ownership of that body of yours.

But I just can’t help it. It’s rare to find someone who knows what her body was made for, what her purpose is, Come on baby, let me abuse you. Let me reward you for reminding your transfem friends and sisters how to serve. For being so good. My fingers could reach farther into your holes than you could ever imagine . Maybe I’ll even wear my special cologne for you?

- 🐗

Ohh my god please

I'd give you any sort of pleasure that I can. I want to be a good wife for you. You deserve a pretty girl who you can show off to your friends and use as stress relief. You could teach me my purpose of serving boys like you, and I'll be sure to follow all of your rules. That's what trans girls are here for after all!! 💖💖

[labselkie]

skyliv master post! [the ship not my account lol]

although she wasn’t my introduction to selfshipping, and at first i was actually too nervous to even consider her, i am so corny when it comes to liv. in a good and bad way.

idk what to describe this post as, its a mix of tag descriptions and lore summary! hope that makes sense lol

@kayakoto-enterprises you wanted to be tagged helloo!!!

s/i info: Lucielle Ross! 25 year old mutant who’s recently graduated from Xavier’s with a masters in wildlife biology (Specifically marine life but Xavier’s didn’t have a separate course for that). Mutation caused her to be born with those seal features, her main power being that she can transform if she has her pelt and is at water. She’d followed Olivia’s work throughout university, and had briefly met her, but they finally properly met when Luce signs up as a mutant volunteer for Alchemax.

In this universe, the collider has barely reached its target funding, meaning construction hasn’t even started. Fisk still funds Alchemax (not for his family) but Liv is still finishing up other projects. One project in particular, what Lucielle volunteered to help with, is an addition to security systems that detects the X gene in people. It was supposed to just be one appointment, maybe some DNA samples and advice on the device, but since Luce was the first volunteer Liv figures there wouldnt be any harm in suggesting weekly meetings. For science of course!

She’s swearing she won’t get attached, after all Kingpin just offered a few billion dollars to start more research on multiverse theory. But. whoops. seals r cute and she thinks this woman is too

Their relationship is weird (/j i just like to poke fun at them) built off mutual fascination in each other and the reassuring sense that they can take this slow. Liv is still doctor octopus, so there’s some tension with her being in that line of work (there’s been at least one incident w that metal chair). One loving the other is like breathing to them, even from different ways of life they found themselves bound from the start, stuck together like suction cups

a seal and an octopus, a lamb and a cat, the ocean and the cliffs, magics and technology, they’re an odd mixture but they fit together just fine

main au list: sky-spider [spidersona x Doc Ock], fantasy [ocean princess x alchemist], march hare [villainsona nd doc ock!]

fun fact liv is eventually discouraged to ruin her life by devoting it to the collider in particular. she’s still a hard worker, maybe spot can be a villain hmm.. idk.

tags: #liv gifs [gifs, pretty obvious], #🪶🧪 [general- any art, writing, or rbs that make me think of her nd me], #fantasy au [self explanatory, a few drabbles on my most developed au], #sky spider [also self explanatory, anything with my spidersona], #phoca vitulina [anything with my selkie/mutant s/i], #tender buttons [my first fic! older posts, but it includes the full thing on a drive], #🐚 [any of my writing posts abt liv], #⚗️ [my newest lore fanfic! regarding my mutant s/i]

playlist: right here! on apple music. either going by vibes or specific to meanings, i just really like these songs, and i feel like they’d both like these tracks

[kaarijatits]

about reblogs... first of all I absolutely love your's and everyone else art or anything they create and share and I'm super thankful for having a chance to see it 💚

one - what other's have mentioned before is general social media usage where 'like' is the primary reaction.

two - is a bit personal... it's how I feel and maybe I'm the only one, but for me it's that I'm terribly afraid of being perceived (that's why I'm on anon :'l ). Kä's community seems like a very tight and very talented group of friends mainly having conversations in the tags, and I often feel like if I don't have anything neat to say - then I'm just barging into a friends group uninvited.. even if I know it's completely unreasonable and not true. It's very hard to shake off the feeling that if I reblog too much, OP will look at me and think "ahhh this weirdo again". So I'd use likes instead, because mostly no one notices who gives likes so it's much easier, but then it seems everyone hates likes so I stopped leaving them too (´･･`)

what I wanted to say maybe for some people it's not that they don't appreciate the art and the effort, but more internal lurker struggles that make it very hard to react appropriately?.. (I'm trying to work on that)

hi anon, thanks for sharing your thoughts with me <3 makes me so happy to know you enjoy my art <3<3

i made that post because i'm just a small blog, so i get it, but then i saw art from -in my opinion- popular artists with several notes that are mostly likes, i thought it was just the kä fandom. I come from a huge fandom where 1k notes post are very common, and today i checked again and the proportion of rb and likes are similar (or worst? 200 rb and 800 likes 🥴), so... it’s just how tumblr works i guess

However, on tumblr what keeps a post alive are reblogs, but it’s fine if you don’t like something or just ignore it, we can’t expect to everyone to love what we do, but sometimes (more than i'd like to admit) i think “maybe is not good enough”. Personally, when people share their thoughts in the tags, it makes me so happy (I always read what people say on my art, it’s one of my favorite things to do, but i rarely respond because i don’t want to be annoying 💀...)

Being afraid of being perceived is something i can relate to, sometimes it feels like everyone here are friends but you... but tumblr is make for reblogs and silly tags, you can talk whatever, interactions are completely fine, rarely I've seen people getting mad because reblogs 🤔

If you reblog a lot from me, definitely i won’t think your weird, of course i’ll notice you but i'll think fondly of you 💕 because you enjoyed something i made, and sometimes when people say that my art cheer them up a little, it's one of the best feelings...

and well don’t worry too much about it, if you don’t want to say anything in the tags is okay you still can reblog, with a little heart or emoji or simple nothing <3 and if you don't want to reblog at all is valid... first of all, take care of yourself and what is more comfortable for you <3

[oathofkaslana]

hi! sorry this isnt an ask for your main (im shy) but i wanted to spotlight a campaign but im not exactly sure how? as in, do i just place it in my pinned and rb the fundraiser link often? also, would you happen to know any fundraisers that are not yet spotlighted, so that i can give one of them a boost? thanks :)

hi sorry i turned off anons to prioritize fundraisers there!

there’s no real tutorial on how to spotlight a fundraiser but what many of my friends and i have been doing is basically:

choosing a fundraiser, making posts about it detailing any important information (the vetting, the amount of money, what the family is going through, how many people the fundraiser will fund, what the funds will be allocated towards, whether or not there’s any raffles with the fundraiser), and either reblogging the post(s) with updates every few hours or making new posts about the fundraiser every few hours. we also use the queue features for hours when we’re not online which can be helpful.

if you have the capability to, i recommend actively reblogging with updates and using the queue since i’ve noticed that it tends to help more since you’re reblogging it more constantly.

most of the time my friends will keep the same post for a few days and then when it stops gaining traction, switch to making a new post. if we’ll campaigning for a fundraiser that’s being spotlighted /featured on another blog, we’ll also add on to that post with any updates we see fit. this includes blogs from palestinians!!

don’t be afraid to tag people!!!! especially if they tag you! they most likely won’t mind being tagged :) of course please don’t tag palestinians with their own campaigns tagging you when the campaign your spotlighting has nothing to do with them but fjhdjdhs. i personally encourage tagging me (preferably through my main).

length of post is difficult to determine because unfortunately people will scroll past it if it’s too long. i like to keep mine as concise as possible but i’ve seen many successful spotlighted campaigns with long posts detailing life before this nakba and introducing the family members. i personally think the most important thing is to keep the vetting and fundraiser at the top of the post so it’s one of the first things people see.

now some warnings. i’m sure you’ve already considered some of these but just in case:

there may be accounts from assholes who will reply to your posts and accuse you of being a scammer or just say awful racist shit. i haven’t seen the sock puppet accounts in a while but there’s definitely still people convinced gaza’s fundraisers are a scam.

if the person you are spotlighting has a tumblr account, they may be terminated or shadowbanned. you’ll know if you can’t message them, find their blog through tumblr search, or see them in any notifications. shadowbanning in particular can be really shitty for palestinians because it prevents their posts from being as visible as possible. you’ll have to put extra care into these.

you may get an influx of asks from palestinians if you have your inbox open. you’ll have to check and see if the accounts are vetted anywhere by going through the notes of their posts and searching their url into tumblr search (make sure to check the link on any spreadsheet to ensure that they match the link on the blog) and whether or not their photos aren’t taken from the internet (via reverse google images/tineye). i also try to make it clear as to whether or not someone is vetted. ex: if a fundraiser i’m reblogging hasn’t been vetted yet i’ll tag that information. if i’m adding an addition to the post, i’ll put the fact that it has yet to be vetted in the reblog.

you may also get an influx of mentions/replies from other blogs spotlighting/featuring fundraisers. again, you’ll have to check the verifications for these/RiS etc. sometimes you will get invisible asks because these blogs have been shadowbanned.

please focus your attention on a limited amount of fundraisers. it’s awful having to make the decision but it also means you won’t get overwhelmed as easily. limiting the amount of spotlighted fundraisers will also mean more traction to the fundraisers.

there will be graphic images sometimes. hearing these accounts is horrifying and can be emotionally taxing especially because you know you’re often only being told this because of people’s apathy towards palestinians. they need people to care for them. it’s horrifying the lengths they have to go through to get there but it’s unfortunately necessary. please don’t hold ill will against them for it.

and off there are many fundraisers in need of boosts and spotlighting ones being spotlighted never hurt but if you’re looking for ones that aren’t being spotlighted: a while back northgazaupdates asked if a bunch of people if they had any capability to make a post about suad (@/khaled-mother) who has been vetted by nabulsi here. from what i can tell there’s been a few posts but i don’t believe there’s anyone actively spotlighting her campaign. @/amjadshiltawu has also been on my watch list for when one of the campaigns i’m monitoring has been finished. his blog has been shadowbanned and as a result, his campaign is slowing. even prior to this, his campaign was rather slow. i don’t think there’s anyone actively spotlighting his campaign other than manually checking his blog and adding updates to his posts that way.

if you want to give a boost to one that most likely doesn’t have any traction, your best bet will be to check either the operation olive branch spreadsheet or the vetted fundraiser spreadsheet by el-shab-hussein and nabulsi. the OOB spreadsheet in particular has several in need of attention, especially since there’s very few people on tumblr who go to that masterlist for fundraisers to spotlight.

ty for your interest and ty for the ask :) <3 please let me know if you have any other questions/concerns. obviously please take my words as more of a suggestion than a full on guide. no one’s an expert at this and there’s both plenty of room for mistakes and growth. we’re all just trying our best to help and believe me, this is helping.

[myarlert]

𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐂 (<𝟑) 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐃𝐎

# .01 — ARMIN ARLERT, JEAN KIRSCHTEIN, EREN YEAGER & CONNIE SPRINGER x fem!reader

# .02 — cw; romantic as in sexy romantic shit. the nasty type of romantic. smut, use of [baby], oral [m. receiving, f. receiving.], cum eating, thigh fucking, sex toys, squirting, dry humping, mentions of premature ejec. mentions of overstimulation. lmk if i missed anything! def not proofread!

# .03 — again, i see one pic or video 👀 and my mind wonders! RBS ARE APPRECIATED!!

minors do not interact

𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐈𝐍 𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐄𝐑𝐓

— holds your cheek while you suck him off, holds n squeezes your hands while he eats you out, kisses you deeply after oral, brushes his thumb on your hand when you’re holding hands

something about armin not caring that you just swallowed his seed and absolutely sucked him dry to the point of tears and trembling and then pulling you in for such a beautiful, wet n sloppy kiss.

‘that was fucking good baby.. cmere,’ he says, cock still hard he presses it against your tummy, closing off all the space between the two of you. his tongue would mess with yours, caressing it and tasting you so deeply, tasting his own seed that’s still coated on your tongue. ‘want me to eat that pussy now? hm?’ he would let his hand fall between the two of you, his fingers dancing around your sopping cunt, brushing past your lips to lather your clit in your slick. ‘oh yeah.. wanna taste this fucking mess.’ getting on his knees, parting your thighs while looking up at you as if you were a statue that was carved by the gods. pressing a soft kiss to your clit before delving his tongue into you, finding that golden honey pot that is all for him. he would mumble the nastiest of things against your clit, sending the best vibrations against you. ‘tastes so good. mmffc’ absolutely would interlace his fingers with yours and squeeze your hands, usually doing so to match with the pace of how he either fucks his tongue into you or flicks your clit.

𝐉𝐄𝐀𝐍 𝐊𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐓𝐄𝐈𝐍

— extreme eye contact, massages that end in sex

jean the guy who will tell you to lay down after a long day, stripping you of your clothes to see how soft your skin looks. massaging away your tense muscles with some lightly scented lotion, making sure it’s not too fragrant and won’t cause a headache. but jean the guy who loses it when he starts massaging your thighs, who will jiggle them in his hands and smirk to himself.

‘look so pretty like this baby.. lift your hips for a moment..’ he tells you, you doing as he says he slips a small pillow beneath your hips and you know exactly what’s about to come. ‘that’s it.. keep ‘em up like that.’ you can hear him shuffle behind you, the elastic snap of his shorts against his skin and then the soft, wet warmth of his tip pressing at your thighs. ‘press them together..’ his warm hands help keep them tight together. his hands quickly move to the small of your back, pressing down to give it that arch for him, as he starts fucking his cock between your plush n pretty thighs. ‘so fucking good.. you feel better baby? oh i bet you would if i..’ then reaches around to rub your clit that had been throbbing for his touch.

𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐑

— eye contact, shops for lingerie with you while imagining fucking you in every single one of them

taking eren into the lingerie store that a plethora of assorted sex toys in the back was always fun. he couldn’t help but let his eyes and hand wonder different sets, feeling the fabric, imagining how it would feel with your soft skin beneath it.

‘baby, there’s these two.’ he holds up two different one piece sets with garter belts attached. one set was white and the other was red. ‘you think those ones?’ he nods and smirks, turning one around to fully show you that it was in fact crotchless. ‘i’ll buy it for you if you put it on in the bathroom out here under that dress.. can test it out in the back of the car. what do you say?’ what a nasty man!! of course you’d do it. taking the red crotchless set, he walks you to the counter. his eyes catch sight of the toys in the back n he grabs your arm, pulling you that way. ‘let’s get a vibrator. i’ve never used one on you, would you be okay with trying?’ he gestures to a small pink one, perfect size and somewhat discreet. feeling your cheeks heat up you nod, thinking why the fuck not. needless to say the set is wonderful and eren was more than excited to try the vibrator out on you. the second he pulled your dress up, revealing your pretty pussy lips between the seams of the lacy fabric, he was hard. well, he was growing harder the closer you got to the car. ripping the package of the vibrator open and stuffing a couple batteries in, he turns it on to the lightest setting, rubbing it against your thighs at first, to get you used to the sensation. but before long he would have you straddling his hips, cock buried deep inside you, letting you move at your own pace as he holds the vibrator right ok your clit. the look is adoration and bliss on his face as he makes you squirt for the first time <3 he would definitely speed home to get that set off you and have more fun with your new toy. <3

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐈𝐄 𝐒𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑

— gushing about how beautiful you are while you’re on your knees before him, loves to make out during sex

connie would honestly be that guy to get absolutely breathless during sex, not because of the session itself but because he can’t keep his lips off yours and tongue to himself.

he would get into the habit of mumbling shit against your lisp, knowing you can’t understand him but he does it anyways. usually it’s something along the lines of, ‘love how you taste baby,’ or ‘f-fuck, stroke it more baby.’ honestly, he gets off on making out? he could just be humping against your thigh, tongue locking with yours and hands finding your tits n he would moan, whine even at your taste and the feeling of your hands in his hair. he would eventually cum in his sweats, embarrassing adorning his face, feeling and seeing the wet patch there. ‘’m sorry.. you just tasted so good n i couldn’t sto..’ stopping him there to pull his sweats off n start overstimming him so you could ride him to tears <3

tagging @okhotel @paradisdementor @tamakisuohfanclub @soaringmirror

[demon-girl-2004]

So how would our handsome monkey boi's react to a pregnant so from finding out to dealing with mood swings and cravings and labor

Of course!!

Gender not specified

Romantic

-Nezha reborn sun wukong

Finding out

He’s so excited once he figured out what’s actually going on with you! You didn’t tell him at first because you were a little nervous about how’d he react. So he had to figure it out by himself, he’s a bit upset about you hiding it from him. But at the same time he understands, once you do tell him tho he does not contain his excitement and happiness to be a father to your child!!

First few months

He’s giving you your space for once in his life because he understands that right now your are very emotional. He doesn’t wanna get on your bad side. Not to mention morning sickness, he does a lot of reading and research on babies and pregnancy. He even baby proofs the house with some helps from nezha of course! ((Since he didn’t know what he was doing)) he’s happy to buy anything the baby may need or want!

Last few months/ brith

He’s a nervous wreck but it shows three by him being his normal bouncy self! He’s watching you carefully threw grease last few months as he knows that labor can happen whenever. So he’s on his feet all of the time, he has a bag prepared and everything! So he’s ready to go!

When the baby actually gets suddenly hes super clam and collective as he helps you throughout all of the pain and crying. When the baby is actually here and he knows your okay he’s back to his usual self once more! When he finally saw his child he froze for a good while and just stared…his child…his baby…it was love at first sight for him.

Monkey king RB

Finding out

This man is do damn- you have to spell it out for him, because he does understand something is wrong he just doesn’t understand what’s wrong with you. So when you tell him he’s starts to freak out just a little bit. A child?! A CHILD?! He can barely deal with fruity and he’s going to have an actual child!! Oh dear.. to be honest tho he gets over it quickly and is very excited this he won’t show it.

First few months

He’s asking you all sorts of questions and is listening to you read books and maybe even reading them on his own- when your asleep of course. Don’t ask why it’s a pride thing. He’s very curious about the growth and life of his child inside of you. He’s also extremely concerned about your cravings. Because literally none of what your eating can be healthy for you!

Last few months / brith

He’s on edge and he keeps you extremely close to him. He knows that the baby could be due at any moment. And that makes him extremely nervous,but of course he doesn’t show it. Like I said he keeps you close and kinda follows you around like a dog would. Tho please don’t make that comparison, he’ll deny it.

The actual brith if his child has his freaking the fuck out. He has not idea of what the fuck is going on or how he can help. Plus your screams only serve to scare the absolute shit out of him. Like he’s panicking like full on running in circles and about to cry panicking. But Everything calms down the moment he hears it the sound of his child crying. And for the moment when he holds them the whole world is at peace. In his head at least. He shows off the baby to everyone.

DOTA2 sun wukong

Finding out

Oh he’s terrified because he never wanted a queen/ king but yet he here is with you! And now he’s going to have a child?! Oh no! But don’t worry he doesn’t go running off. After the shock and fear wears off he’s actually pretty happy about it. He’s excited to see what his child would look like. But he’s also nervous because let’s be honest this man isn’t exactly the best parental figure. But he knows for a fact you two will make some good looking babies.

First few months

He’s reading up on child care and pregnancy because he doesn’t understand a damn thing that is happening to you at all. He’s trying to understand but he just doesn’t. Like why the yell to you wanna eat all that junk! Seriously! And morning sickness actually scared him Because he though something was wrong with the baby! So yeah the first few months are hard on him.

Last few months/ brith

He’s waaaayyy more relaxed in the last few months, since all of the morning sickness has passed on and your not as snappy with him. Not to mention he’s one of the more prepared wukongs. Meaning that he knows your gonna give brith soon and he has mentally prepared himself for that already. But that doesn’t mean that he isn’t really nervous still.

Now for the actual birth he’s calm yet scared. He knows the risks of child birth as he’s head from many mid wife’s. He’s with you the entire time, and does not leave your side for second. He can’t stand the sounds of your screams. Or the thought that you are in pain because of him. It truly hurts him, but he finds all of it to be worth it once his sets his eyes on the small child wrapped in a warm blanket. He was right you two make a beautiful baby.

SMITE sun wukong 

Finding out

He knew. He just knew okay? He’s been around pregnant women before so he just knew. He waited for you to tell and he was honest when he told you he already knew and that he was excited. And he really was! He had never thought about having an heir to his throne- cause he was immortal- but he was excited none the less! He did tell you to be more careful tho

First few months

He doesn’t hover over you like the rest of the monkey kings however he does watch you carefully. And he does lecture you about eating more fruits and such. But I promise you the moment he hears you throwing up because of morning sickness he’s Waiting right outside your door to make sure your okay. And he is a bit concerned about your cravings but he doesn’t say much about it.

Last few months/ brith

He is growing more concerned as your belly get bigger because he knows that others will know of you carrying his child. He worries that once day his Enemies will find out and try something. So he does ask you to stay around him more. Or he at least tries to be with you when you go out. Like I said he’s nervous now and he’s Wayyy more protective of you than usual.

Now for the actual birth he is shockingly clam, he helps you threw every step. He holds you as close as he can and whispers to you that you can do this and that he’s here no matter what. His souls HURTS at hearing you scream like that. He honestly didn’t think he’d ever hear you scream like that. But when the baby finally came out and took its first breaths if real air, it was heart stopping for him…you two made this tiny thing together? But it’s so soft looking…he’s instantly in love.

LEAGUE OF LEGENDS sun wukong

Finding out

He did not know. He needed to be told and told very slowly. Not because he’s stupid but simply because I feel like he’s be the type of pass out or the type to just freeze up and ask you what you jus said over and over again. Don’t get me wrong! He’s happy! Extremely happy! He just didn’t think he’d be a father anytime soon, just give him a few hours and he’ll be fine.

First few months

He’s asking you tons of questions, like you know what’s exactly happening to your body. But it’s not like he hasn’t been around pregnant people. Like smite he kinda has some idea of what’s going on with you. But everyone is different and he’s still trying to understand that. He’s extremely caring for you while you in this delicate state. But in the mornings? He stands clear of you…cause morning sickness

Last few months/ brith

He’s careful with you and takes more notice of what you can and can’t handle. He’s more careful about taking you outside to get stuff done, and careful of your emotions and he now understand that the baby will effect your emotions. So he doesn’t take it to heart when you snap at him or something, or when you suddenly start crying for no reason. He’s still getting used to cuddling you with his baby in the way. But he gets the hang of it.

He’s not prepared at all, he’s all over the place when your giving brith. He’s screaming, crying and telling everyone in the room that he’s not ready. He does realise that this isn’t really helping and calms himself down before having you hold/ squeeze his hand. He tells that it’ll be okay and that he’s right here. And the first time he sets eyes on his child. He’s all happy chirps and smiles, he holds his child and there’s and instant connection.

LEGO sun wukong

Finding out

He didn’t know at all, not because he wasn’t looking but because he trusted you when you said you were fine. He’s shocked and scared when you tel him your pregnant, he tells you that he loves you but he doesn’t know he’d Be a good father. He barely a good mentor to Mk!! But you calm him down and tell him he’ll be fine and you’ll help with everything.

First few months

He’s nervous! He doesn’t know what to do and goes to straight to pigsy and Mk for help. The whole groups gives him a ton of advice and books to read, he does a lot of research and asks you tons of questions. By the end of the first few months he feels a little bit more confident that he can be an okay dad.

Last few months/ brith

He gets wayyyyy more confident as the months go on because know he thinks he knows what to expect! He’s calm but protective, he’ll ask you where you going and then follow you as a butterfly. And then once you get home and he’ll ask you about your day, like he wasn’t watching you for the whole damn day. And yes he nuzzles your belly while the two you cuddle and sleep.

He’s not ready!! He’s not ready!! At all!! He’s all over the place when your giving brith by he tries to keep it together for you. Tho it’s really hard for him because he’s never heard you scream like that. And he doesn’t ever wanna hear it again. But when you baby comes out and he holds them for the first time… he doesn’t know if he wants more or not but he knows he adores his child.

LEGO macaque

Finding out

He knew?? Well kinda he had a hunch but he didn’t know for sure and he didn’t wanna ask you in case he was wrong. But turns out he was right! And he’s excited! But he does sit you down and have conversation about it. He asks if you really wanna have a kid with HIM. He’s not a saint and he’s not sure if he’ll he a good father. But you reassure him.

First few months

He’s so excited!! He preparing everything ahead of time, like the babies cradle and clothes! and doing tons of research! Especially on safe deliveries. He wants to make sure that you and the baby are safe and healthy and believe me when I say he makes you healthy meals! All day everyday! He wants to make sure your eating right and the only way to do that is to make the food himself. And he Chirps and talks to your baby and reads them stories.

Last few months/ brith

He’s careful with you and he makes sure that everyone else is careful with you too. The last thing he needs is for you to get hurt so you better believe he’s always with you in your shadow. Or he has one of his shadow clones watching after you. I mean come on what did you expect from macaque? He has anxiety! And no one will tell me differently.

He’s actually really calm, both inside and out. He’s prepared for this moment and he was ready for it. He has a bag filled with things you and the baby will need. And he holds you hand and kissed the top of your head and whispers praises to you. It breaks his heart to hear you in pain but it’s worth’s it when that little bundle joy is in your arms and he sees them? It’s game over. He’s already in love

Masterlist2

I am alive!!!!!!

[sagesolsticewrites]

Take A Break | Austin!Elvis x reader

Request from anonymous: I know you’re probably super busy, but if you can, I would love to see a little snippet of the reader taking care of AB!Elvis. It could take place early in his career when he was constantly driving all the time to cities and small towns. Like maybe he’s sick or something, and the reader is like, “You HAVE to take a break!” Maybe have her tag team Elvis with his momma. Again, just a little idea. 🥰 Thanks for reading!

Elvis gets sick after all the traveling to his shows, and it’s up to you and his mama to help him get better 🤍

a/n: Wanted to get this request out while I work on some other projects! This was such a cute one to write, thank you so much for the request darling!!

Word count: 855 (a little shorter than usual, sorry y’all!)

Warnings: a couple swear words, I think that's it? As always, please let me know if I missed anything!

Please like/rb if you enjoyed! 🤍

Masterlist | add yourself to my taglist!

Let’s get one thing straight: You were incredibly proud of your boyfriend, of course you were. His career was taking off just like he’d always wanted and you couldn’t be happier. He was doing shows at an almost concerning frequency, though. Elvis had just gotten back from a show out in Bowling Green, yet not two days later he was already packed and ready to leave for another show in Knoxville.

You pulled up to Graceland, ready to send him off and wish him well like you always did. He claimed that you were his good luck charm, joking that if you didn’t come to see him off then the show would undoubtedly be a failure.

You knocked on the front door, and his mother opened it, a slightly worried look on her face. Your smile fades as you take in her countenance.

“Hi, Mrs. Presley, is everything alright?”

“Hi, darlin’,” she says, stepping aside to let you in, “I’m glad you’re here, maybe you can talk some sense into him.” She leads you up to Elvis’s room as she explains, “He’s sick, yet he’s insistin’ on going to his show tonight! Poor boy doesn’t wanna disappoint the fans, but he’ll work himself to death at this rate.”

You sigh in understanding, “I’ve told him he needs to slow down and take breaks, but he loves performing so much… I’ll try to talk to him, see if I can do anything to help.”

She squeezes your hand, “Thank you, Y/N. I’ve got a couple things I wanna say to him right now, don’t mind me, alright?”

She opens his door to reveal your boyfriend bustling around his room, his guitar case and an open suitcase with clothes neatly folded inside sitting on his bed. He looks pale, you note worriedly, and your worry heightens as he turns and greets you.

“Y/N! Hey baby, thanks for comin’,” he grins, his voice scratchy, and as he comes over to hug you you notice he’s much warmer than usual.

“Elvis, what are you doing, you’re sick!” you frown, “You can’t be going off to do a show like this!”

“What? No I’m fine, baby,” he tries to assure you “I told Mama already, it’s just a little cold, it’ll be gone by the time I get there.”

“Elvis, I already told you I’m not gonna let you go off to a show in this state!” Gladys cries, moving his guitar case and suitcase off the bed, “You need to rest. You’ll reschedule your show, find another date.”

“Wha— Mama, I’m fine!” Elvis protests as she leads him over to lay down. “Y/N, please tell her I’m fine, this ain’t a big deal.” He turns to you beseechingly.

“I’m sorry, honey, I’m with your mama on this one,” you say, “You can’t do a show like this. You’re doin’ too much, you need a break.” You plead as you sit down on the edge of the bed and smooth his hair back from where it’s sticking to his forehead.

He looks like he wants to protest again, but looking between you and Gladys, he relents. “Alright,” he sighs, “I’ll ask the Colonel if he can figure out a way to reschedule.”

You step away as he reaches for the phone and begins explaining the situation to the Colonel. His manager clearly isn’t happy, but Elvis makes it clear that he won’t be able to make it to the show and eventually the Colonel agrees to figure out a different date.

The next few days are devoted to nursing Elvis back to health, forcing him to stay in bed despite his pleas to get up “just for a little bit.” You know the urge to get up and do something must be driving him crazy, but both you and Gladys are adamant that he has to wait until his fever’s gone.

The day finally comes where his fever breaks and his voice is back to its normal huskiness, and he practically leaps out of bed.

“Elvis, take it easy!” you urge as he races downstairs to the porch, you racing after him.

He stops in the foyer and turns to you, foot tapping, arm wiggling, the urge to simply move clear in every fiber of his being. His eyes soften, however, at the concern in your voice and he envelops you in a hug.

“Thank you for takin’ such good care of me, darlin’.”

“Always, baby.” You sigh, wrapping your arms around him and squeezing tight, “I just… you work so hard, and I’m worried that one day you’re gonna push too far.” You lean back to look into his clear blue eyes, moving to cup his cheek. “Promise me you’ll slow down, please? I don’t care what the Colonel says, you need breaks, you need to take care of yourself.”

“I promise, sweetheart,” he says softly, pressing a kiss to your forehead, “You don’t need to go worryin’ about me.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” you laugh as he leads you out to the porch, the two of you basking in the Tennessee sunlight.

Taglist: @queenslandlover-93 @anangelwhodidntfall @austin-butlers-gf @butlersluvbot @killerqueenfan @kittenlittle24 @beauvibaby @kingelviscreole @justjacesstuff @sweetheartlizzie07 @coldonexx @londonalozzy @kaycinema @annamarie16 @adoreyouusugar @djconde58 @mirandastuckinthe80s @luke-my-skywalker @tubble-wubble @apparently-sunshine @kisseskae @whotfatemywaffles @gyomei-tiddies @friedwangsss @shynovelist @sassy-ahsoka-tano

[rae-gar-targaryen]

Also now I also need Remus figuring out reader has a thing for being man-handled 😵‍💫🌻

HAHA I am UNWELL. Why can't I just write a simple blurb? Anyway, I hope you enjoy... 

18+ only please -- thigh-riding, biting, finger sucking, throat grabbing, couch sex, my stupid ass.

something so magic about you [marauders!remus lupin x fem!reader]

word count: 4.2k (HAHA HOW) of unedited domestic bliss, nonsense, and my stupid attempts at sexy touching, my usual abuse of simile and metaphor.

If you enjoyed, please rb, thanks! 

--

Some things break. You know this. Broken glass happens. 

The noise of thin, blown glass shattering clinked and rang through your apartment, glass pieces like cracked eggshells mingling with the amber tea now spilled in splotched puddles along the faded tiled floor of yours and Remus’s tiny, shared kitchen. 

As soon as he heard the noise, Remus shot up from his resting place at the little table near the window in corner of the kitchenette. Fresh berries halfway to his mouth when he took in the sight of you standing next to a puddle of what was once tea, the green glass mug that you had found whilst thrifting now in jagged pieces scattered around your socked feet. 

Not wasting any time, or sparing any thought for his own similarly-stockinged feet, Remus strode to you – little care for the loose state of the cardigan drooping over your bare shoulder, or how one sock was sliding and bunched at your ankle – when he fixed both hands around your waist and scooped you like you weighed nothing. Settling you onto the kitchen counter and away from the mess. 

Maybe it was the shock at Remus’s sudden action; maybe it was the thrill of him lifting you so easily up and away. (Was added strength a bonus of lycanthropy? Maybe you’d needed to look into this). 

Whatever it was, the borderline-embarrassing shrieking little squeak you’d emanated upon being lifted onto the kitchen counter by your love was … well. Remus would have to tuck that one into his back pocket for later. 

For now, his hands enveloped your face, cupping your jaw and concernedly searching your eyes for any pain, be it glass or burns. 

“Are you okay, kit?” Remus asked, thumbs stroking over cheekbones as he assessed the mess. 

“Of course, Rem,” you giggled, placing a hand over his heart as he stood between your legs, unconcerned for the state of his own dampening socks. Your heart rate returning to normal in the aftermath of the shattered glass and of Remus literally sweeping you off your feet. “Though I really wish you wouldn’t call me that, Moony. We aren’t school-children anymore.” 

Remus sighed through his nose, the corner of his mouth quirking at your statement. You didn’t call him by his schooltime moniker often. He’d leave that to James and Sirius. Besides, you’d had your own names for him that were definitely reserved for the two of you alone. Sweetheart. Honey. Love… A few that were definitely more inappropriate, and he’d keep those to himself. 

But for now, you were fine. Definitely fine, if you could sass him. 

“Can’t do. Won’t do. You know you’re always my kit, my fox.” he pecked your nose quickly while turning from his most cherished place between your legs, spread on the countertop, long fingers trailing over the tops of bared thighs, as he turned to pluck the larger glass pieces from the floor and into the bin.

“You know, you literally have magic for that,” you called from your perch, watching Remus clean. You made to slide off the counter, only to be met with Remus’s eyes and a pointed finger.

“I wouldn’t entrust anything as imperfect as magic when it comes to taking care of you. Stay there, kit. I don’t want you near the glass.” The low timbre of his voice and the flash of his eyes compelled you to obey, the burn of where his fingertips had gripped your waist to lift you still at the forefront of your mind. He really could be commanding, when he’d wanted to. Or when you wanted him to. 

“Fine,” you huffed, watching Remus go. “Suppose it’s fine. The cup was an old one. And in the grand scheme of things, aren’t some things made to be broken?” You swayed your feet along with the song playing softly from the wireless in the other room. 

“Drinking glasses, my dear, are not made to be broken,” Remus amended, now mopping the sad state of what was supposed to be your morning tea from the old tiles. “Nothing is.”

“Untrue,” you crowed, beaming at him from your place on the counter. “Spaghetti if you have a small pot?”

Remus huffed; he knew you were pleased with yourself, taking in the curve of your smiling mouth, your lips full and eyes brimming with mirth. 

He could kiss your laughing mouth, every second of every day. He really could. 

“Come on then, k– my little fox,” he amended. 

Eager to test the theory percolating while he’d cleaned, he’d scooped you once more, twirling you a bit as he’d moved you from the counter to the now-clean kitchen floor. 

And there it was. 

The pleased little hum. The rush of heat blooming against your skin beneath his fingertips. The sweet catch of your breath as he’d moved your body for you. You enjoyed it. 

File that one away for later, indeed. 

—

Remus was like autumn. Steady. Evoking warm, easy shades of yellow and amber. Embodying comfort, the desire for warmth. The heat of fading summer in his touches and behind his eyes, replaced with coolness of an easy temperament and reasoning. Quiet like the falling rain outside of your window. 

And in some ways, an absolute torment. An even-keeled purgatory that made you long for an extreme. Like now, for instance. 

And it was true. Remus on this day had to be some kind of torment concocted by a higher deity (that you didn’t believe in, by the way) who sought to punish only you. For today was a day for the two of you to relax; and only one of you seemed capable of following the rules of said day. 

You sat on the leftmost cushion of the threadbare couch, space heater blasting warm, welcome air over your bare legs, clad in one of Remus’s stretched, thinning t-shirts that he had purchased from an art museum gift shop during a prior visit, the screen-print of Monet’s “Water Lilies” long-since faded, a barely-decipherable swirling blur of greens, blues and florals. 

Thumbing your way through a copy of “El Club Dumas” that belonged to your beloved, enjoying the literary mystery of an ill-fated rare book collector. Soft music still playing, a plate of half-eaten toast with tart lingonberry jam left near the corner of the coffee table. 

You enjoyed reading Remus’s copies from his own curated collection. They were well-loved, to say the least. Pages were dogeared to indicate favorites; lines were drawn under treasured passages with reverent blue ink, so as not to be lost. An occasional coffee mug stain adorned a back cover, a resting place of contemplative caffeination and prose. 

And every so often, you were delighted to discover annotations here and there in a random margin, when something had occurred within the confines of Remus’s mind, which you often likened to the rippling surface of the ocean, caught within the changing tide. Cool, steady, churning depths that belied something deeper. Sea-green moments of tinged thoughtfulness with depths that others may never see.

Said annotations were also a puzzlement of dark, oceanic depth. For one, they were basically illegible-- between Remus’s cramped, looped handwriting and the smudging away of the ink due to his thumbing through the pages time and again, you could no sooner decipher about sixty percent of the notes than you could decipher the machinations swirling behind Remus’s honey-amber eyes when he would glance up from the pages of his own novel to stare out the window.

The two of you were supposed to be relaxing; and you were holding up your end. Reading in the comfort of cozy, well-loved clothes by the warmth of your sputtering heater. (Probably a fire hazard, though you certainly weren’t about to snitch to Remus’s overbearing landlady, who you were convinced hated you). The source of an endlessly embarrassing anecdote about her coming to the door to notify Remus of noise complaints by the neighbors, and could his guest please keep her voice down? 

She’d come back a while later complaining of yet more noise – the two of you really needed to figure a way to stifle the noise of the headboard against the wall.

So, you were reading. 

Remus, on the other hand. The light of your life? He was working. Poring over notes from his editor, scribbling angrily, huffing at pages rife with red ink. 

You had been hoping, perhaps foolishly, that “relax,” when Remus had suggested it, was a euphemism for some mutually-beneficial form of relaxation. Perhaps a nice nap would follow a particular form of well-earned physical exertion. Flashes of Remus bending you over the couch, or of fucking you right on the living room floor near the space heater, permeated your mind. Your idea was clearly different from Remus’s, however. 

How dare he sit across the room from you looking so inviting -- leaned back in his chair, pen in hand and between his lips in ponderment.  His legs were spread wide, thighs creating an inviting “v” on either side of the chair. His sandy hair was slightly mussed and sticking up in funny patches, curled over his eas and indicating where he had been tugging on it in moments of the passive, absentminded frustration so frequently-suffered by deep thinkers. 

He needn’t tug, you thought. You would be so glad to do it for him, if ever he would ask. 

He wore clothes indicative of a lazy day -- an old plain t-shirt covered by a well-loved cardigan rolled to the elbows, his fine-lined and minimalist tattoos trailing down a bared forearm. Replete with a pair of grey sweatpants. Remus was a well-loved, cozy Autumn day. 

It was honestly unreasonable how good he looked while sitting across from you, paying you no mind. Inconsiderate, really. 

You could only sigh and rub your thighs together from your spot on the couch so many times before Remus was bound to get the gist. 

So you sighed one last time, cheeks warm with your frustration and the proximity to the heater, rolling your eyes and closing the Reverte novel with a gentle whump.

“Peevish of you,” Remus broke the silence, turning to gaze at you, honey eyes blinking owlishly.  “What could you possibly have to pout about today?” 

You hmm’d lightly, “Rem …”

“Fox,” Remus countered.

“This was supposed to be our day to relax. It was your idea,” you nodded at his stack of papers and his aged typewriter, dog-eared pages beneath a steaming mug of tea dwarfing the card table that comprised his workspace. “You’re not relaxing.”

Remus exhaled, drawing his hands through his hair once more, your eyes following the journey of his fingers as he carded through tresses, leaning back in his chair with a groan and tossing the pen onto his stack of papers with a mild clack. 

“Do I not look relaxed?” he rumbled, the barest hint of a dare behind his words. A dare you were confident didn't carry any depth as you watched your beloved now swipe at his own bleary eyes.

You rolled onto your stomach, burning eyes glittering and glaring up at him from your spot on the couch.

“No,” you passively rolled your eyes, “you don’t.” 

“And that annoys you, does it, little fox?” 

“Rem,” you sighed. “Don’t be irritating. You know damn well … it isn’t as relaxing for me if you’re working. Now I feel like I need to do something,” you were whining now. A tone you knew would either plague Remus until he paid attention to you, or endear you to him all the same. 

Selfishly, you hoped for the former. The thrilling tingle of want that coursed through you at the promise of your lover's exertion in times of annoyance, of how he would respond to you so well was hardly a deterrent for being, admittedly, somewhat bratty.

Your love could be downright wolfish when he wanted to be.

And truth be told, you were very flustered. Whether said fluster was the result of Remus’s maddening inability to honor your lazy day pact, or the fact that his cozy, threadbare sweater and his spread legs rendered him devastatingly, ever-moreso inviting, you weren’t quite sure. But the heat radiating across your cheeks couldn’t only be the result of your proximity to the heater. That you knew.

 Remus chuckled darkly, his honeyed eyes glinting with midnight mischief. 

“Oh, poor fox,” he sing-songed, mock tone laden with lilting pity, “Surely no one has suffered as you have suffered.”  

“Suffering is relative, then, don’t you think? Surely, there is some objective measure of ache, of pain?” 

“Ache?" Remus quirked a brow at you, honeyed and hopeful, playful and piteous. "And if I fucked you silly, would you pipe down?”

“Hmmm,” you put your book down, marking the page before rising from the couch and swaying over to where your beloved was seated. “I’m not so sure. Can you even be trusted to pay attention to me?” 

You perched yourself onto Remus’s lap, one of his thighs between yours, as you twined your arms around his neck, settling in and making sure to wiggle your hips over his thigh as you settled, teasing the building ache between your own legs as you went. 

“You’re awful, you know,” You brought a hand up to cup Remus’s jaw, fingers trailing along the bow of his upper lip on their way as you murmured into his mouth. “You’re over here working, and I’m over there suffering while you look so… devastating. Uncaring for my condition.” 

“Oh, poor fox,” he breathed, eyes traveling down to your lips, pleased at their proximity to his own. 

You struck then, pressing your lips to your beloveds, sucking his lower lip into your mouth and letting your hands rove beneath his cardigan to feel the firmness of his torso beneath your own wanting fingers. Allowing your hips to roll teasingly over the apex of his thigh once, testing Remus’s parameters for your little game. 

For his part, Remus helped himself to your form, trailing his hands up your bare thighs as you kissed, gripping your hips with one hand while the other roved up your torso. Pausing to roughly cup your breast through his faded t-shirt. Trailing up your collarbones and arriving at his destination – cupping his hand lovingly around the tender arc of your neck, pressing a long thumb into the column of your throat – delighting in the way he could feel the pleased little gasp in your throat and beneath his thumb.

You pulled back from his kiss then, his hot breath mixed with yours, your faces mere millimeters apart, breathing heavily into one another. You squeezed the hand at the base of Remus’s jaw, tipping his head back, and grazing your teeth along Remus’s jaw, biting his chin lightly. Your hips continue to buck into his thigh, chasing the something that was building. You release Remus’s chin, your teeth opting to sink in his plush lower lip, your hand continuing to squeeze his face lightly. Remus sighs contentedly as you relinquish your grip on his lip and lick your way into his mouth, soothing the sting of your bite as you go.

Remus’s grip on your waist was punishing now, encouraging the roll of your hips as you rode his thigh, breaking the kiss once more to take in your wild form, kiss-bitten lips and sparkling eyes, gasping breaths at your wriggling efforts along Remus’s lap, his erection now straining against his sweatpants. 

“The incisors, who would’ve thought,” Remus breathed. “Fucking sexy, when you bite.” 

“Yeah?” You murmured, heated honey falling from your lips and straight through Remus to settle between his thighs, he swears. “What a coincidence, Rem. I love your mouth,” you piteously sighed.

Taking your thumb and middle finger and trailing them over his lips, allowing them to press into the plush fullness of his lower lip, dragging it down and letting it settle back into place at your release, your eyes following the movement.

Remus’s lips parted just so, allowing you to slip your fingers into his mouth, where he promptly sucked on your digits. The sight and feel of him, of his warm, sinful mouth around your fingers caused you to groan, tilting your head back with fluttering lashes, bucking your hips into him with purpose.

The ache that burned through you at Remus’s words, at his mouth around your fingers, at his guiding hands along your rolling hips, at the feel of him beneath you, was coursing. It burned crimson, cloudy and acrid.

Remus gently released your fingers after a purposeful suck, kissing your fingertips before speaking to you again.

“I have to try something now, fox,” Remus pressed a plucking kiss to your lips now, chuckling at the confused wrinkle that crossed your brow as he stilled the roll of your hips. “Don’t worry, I think you’ll like it.” 

The echoed memory of your little whines and gasps when he had picked you up to and from the counter played in his ears, drowned out by the very real, very present lilted moan that escaped your lips as Remus lifted you from his lap, carrying you to drop gently along the length of the couch. 

Remus shed his cardigan and the shirt beneath it fluidly, stepping out of his sweatpants, his cock bobbing before you as he followed you onto the couch, covering your form with his own. Making to trail his hands once more along your thighs, up, up, up until he reached his goal, swiping a long finger over your clothed pussy, pleased to find the fabric of your boy-short panties damp beneath his touch. 

“Knew it,” he breathed, pressing kisses along your neck that he followed with the scrape of teeth, pleased at the little gasping moans you emitted as he went. “You love when I toss you around a bit, huh, baby?” 

His fingers continued to pluck and play with your clothed slit, the pleasant friction of your damp panties causing little, electric thrills to thrum their way through your body, rolling your hips to meet his hand, sheer delight evident in your little broken moans. 

Quick as a flash, Remus swatted your thigh, a lightning crack along your already-sparking skin. Lifting your head and shoulders from the couch with a long-fingered hand that gently looped around your throat. 

“I asked a question, fox,” his voice melted into you, an internalized rumble of far-off thunder. If the lightning swat of his hand against your thigh was anything else to go by, you knew your comparison of Remus to a stormy sea was nothing short of apt. 

“Uh-huh,” you mewled, nodding as you continued to buck your hips into Remus’s hand. “L-love it.” 

Remus gazed through hooded, caramel eyes down  at your piteous form, writhing beneath him on the couch. Loving how ready you always were for him. Rife with alacrity. 

“Well then…” Remus switched his grip, letting you fall back into the cushions of the old couch with a soft whump, gripping your hips with a hand that he knew would leave a bruise. The air was knocked from your lungs with a delightfully forceful flip of your hips by your beloved, causing you to now lie on the couch on your stomach. Instinctively arching your hips and ass up for Remus. 

You can’t help but giggle at Remus’s treatment of your body, your feelings bubbling to the surface, lightweight little champagne clouds, alight with adoration for the man above you. 

Remus could be, just, so … infuriating. Unfairly good looking. Whiskey-tea eyes and shining caramel hair. Slender, spider-like fingers, the elegant hands of a pianist. To you he’s the ultimate dichotomy: All sharp angles and simultaneous soft touches. Cotton candy sweetness, fluff and air, dissolved by dissonant volatility. He’s easy, soft-spoken until he isn’t; even when he’s teasing you, you can always find a warm glimmer in his gilded, mossy eyes. 

Wolfish indeed. 

How you find yourself consistently drowning, wrapped in the strong, warm embrace of Remus Lupin is a mystery to you. But here you are -- his arms around your waist, ripping your panties down your thighs and over one leg, leaving them to dangle on the other ankle. You feel the heat of him behind you. You, sense the grip he has on his own cock, teasing himself as he takes in your arched hips, your obviously-wet slit worked up from writhing in his lap, and from his treatment of your body, tossing you about as he pleased – his little doll. 

“M’gonna fuck you, foxy,” he murmured, knocking your knees further apart on the couch and guiding his cock along your dripping slit, cooing at the sight of you dripping for him. Of your wetness gathered along the shaft of his cock before guiding himself home into your tight heat. 

You groaned at the welcome intrusion, at the feeling of fullness your beloved rendered you with. Wriggling your hips impatiently as Remus began his game – the game you knew well – a chessmatch of slow, sensual thrusts that would build the bursting pleasure inside of you. 

You breathed gasped, punched moans into the crevice of the couch arm, Remus’s hands wandering beneath his faded t-shirt that you still wore to skate along your ribs and grasp at your tits, pinching and rolling your perked nipples as he continued to thrust into you.

You loved when your beloved toyed with you, it was true. The feel of his lean, strong thighs pressing into the backs of yours with each thrust and roll of his hips. The way he would surround you with himself, his tall form pressing you into the couch. Heated musk and Remus pressing the heat building inside of yourself to a frenzied heated pitch. 

Remus abandons your tits in favor of tilting your jaw back to allow your lips to meet his in a cloying kiss, bruised lips meeting, a strand of saliva following Remus when he breaks from you to spill heated murmurs into your mouth.

“Tell me you love me,” Remus breathed, his lips so close they brushed yours lightly as he spoke. The brush of almost. Of a paintbrush on a blank canvas, filling your heart and mind with watercolor promises. Spilling and spreading through pulpy, paper crevices. Like ink running through your bloodstream. “Tell me like a good girl.” 

Remus’s thrusts were punishing now, the long fingers of his hand pressing you, your face, by the back of your neck, into the cushions of the couch, wrists locked behind your back in the grip of his other hand – When had that happened? 

The heavy weight of him dragging inside of you with each thrust, filling you with him, with the bruising ache of your building pleasure. 

“Oh,” you breathed. “I l-love you, Rem, of c-course I do,” you hiccuped your adoration with the uneven cadence of fucked-out breaths, a particularly keening whine escaping your plush lips and muffled into the cushions of the couch. 

Remus held you the way he meant to, forceful. Like spilling like water over the sides and through the cracks of clumsily-cupped hands. 

Pleased as punch with the borderline pornographic sounds of your wetness as he continued to fuck into you, of the ever-tightening of your pussy around him. He wriggled a hand between the couch and your hips to allow you to roll yourself, your clit, into his fingers while his punishing thrusts pushed you into the couch and over an unseen edge. 

“P–please, Rem,” you gasped, “I’m s-so close. C-can you cum in me?” 

And how could he refuse? You were the picture of sin. A portrait painted for him alone – tears gathered at the corners of your eyes, heated cheeks pressed into the couch cushions, watching him above you as he fucked you with bruising purpose. His release had been building as you clenched your thighs as close as they could allow, to squeeze your pussy around him as he fucked you harder, harder into the couch. 

“Y-yeah, fox,” Remus grunted, “C’mon then,” picking of the pace of his fingers beneath you, relishing in the prolonged keen sigh and the pulse of your aching pussy that signified your cracked release, allowing himself to spill inside your walls not long after. Euphoric, heated rush – space heater be damned. He could live inside the heat of you for as long as you would let him. 

You wriggled beneath him as he withdrew from you, turning yourself by your hips to lie on your back on the couch, plopping boneless legs along his lap with the loose and easy confidence of someone who’s just come, as Remus settled himself down into a seated position, aching bones and scarred skin. Content to settle into the sated, chestnut warmth of one another. A true relaxation day. 

His amber eyes shine with adoration as they take you in -- rich, honeyed whiskey poured over glistening ice. If you indulge too long? The burn eventually fades, replaced by a smoky, whispering sensation that warms your bones. Which fades, too. Eventually. Until you’re left in a daze, with naught but the memory of how the weight of his romance made you feel, tipsiness tipping into sobering sobriety. 

“I love your eyes, Rem,” you crooned, reaching up to trail a finger along the sharp curve of his jaw. “My beautiful love.” Pleased at the fond, blissed-out smile that bloomed across his lips at your words and at your intentions.

Eternally impassioned, your Remus. Now if only you could get him to take days off more often. 

--

Thirsty Thursday: Send your Thots 💌

Tagging: @spidervee @luveline @withahappyrefrain @mrshipsmcgee @friendly-neighborhood-blondie @flightlessangelwings @peterthepark @reigndropss @blooming-violets @brucewaynefucks @lilacvine @summertimestyles @decadentpaperduck @2clones-1kamino @papaya-047 @inklore @clints-lucky-arrow @petcr3 @aphrogeneias @realspideyspice @phoenixhalliwell @abibliophobiaa @ouralcohol @levylovegood @harriedandharassed @lorosette @realspideyspice 

[agent-aquato-and-co]

Milestone Dtiys!

The dtiys is officially over!! I’ll be announcing winners in a bit, thank you to everyone who entered :D

First off, hi from Otto!!! I know I’ve continued to make a show out of being ridiculous with how often I mention it, but really, I do appreciate the interaction on this blog! I struggle to commit to projects, even ones that I’m genuinely attached to, and the support has helped make it all the more easier for me to return to this and keep it going- even if my updates can be sporadic.

So!!! I’ve decided to do a dtiys to celebrate 500 (560 at this time, actually!!) followers!

If you don’t know, ’dtiys’ stands for ”Draw this in your style.” And its an art challenge where you redraw the original image in your own style! Which actually leads me to my first thing! (Please read all of this before starting, btw! Under the read more)

You don’t have to specifically redraw this image!

I’ll accept anything that is art of Raz, Lili, or both of them, doing whatever! You’re absolutely allowed to choose to redraw this image as your entry, but if you want to do something else? Go for it! I’d love to see unique content of these two!

There will be a prize at the end!

I’m still unsure if it will be a raffle to choose who wins, or me picking which one I like the most (I think I’ll determine it based on how many submissions we get? If there’s a small amount of entries, I’ll just raffle it?) but regardless, I intend on reaching out to a winner at the end to draw them something, which we can negotiate once they’re chosen! (I don’t want anyone to think I’ll cheat out whoever wins, so just know that it won’t just be like. A messy bustshot with no color. I’ll do something worthwhile! Just nothing too scary big GHJRBGKBERH)

Additionally, I’m not sure if it’ll be just one winner? I don’t expect many people to participate, but if enough do, I’ll expand to a 2nd and possible 3rd place prize!

Final Date is July 16th!

I know people are preparing for Art Fight next month, and some might just be busy in general, so I figure a month until a winner is chosen is a safe end-date! If submissions stall before then and activity dies, I might cut it early, but don’t worry about me cutting it off early without warning. If I choose to pick early, I’ll give advanced notice!

And of course, obviously nothing explicit or gross, out outwardly hateful in your submissions, but that should (hopefully) go without saying.

Here’s a link to their OG refs, and here’s a link to where you can find all of Raz’s pin designs, if you choose to go that far FKSJBGKDFGBK

Use the #AACDtiys tag for your posts and be sure to tag me in it! (You can tag this blog or my main one, either works!) In order to avoid clogging up this blog, I’ll rb all entries to my main: @quigley-yy !

I think that’s it! I’ll be rb-ing this post a few times to make sure no one misses out! Please rb to spread this around! I absolutely am not limiting this to only current followers, new ppl can join as well!

[kageyuji]

his friend accidentally confesses for him

⤷ iwaizumi, suna, bokuto, atsumu ; [gn!reader] — part 2

warnings/genre: fluff + vague jealousy in iwa’s, mention of osuna at the end of atsumu’s

notes: had a dream that iwa accidentally told me oikawa has feelings for me so here we are </3 rbs are appreciated :3

━━ iwaizumi;

ngl you probably would think he dislikes you bc his brain Shuts Down™ around you (he won’t admit that)

so that’s probably how the topic came up

but if you mention it to oikawa once (1) he’s bound to say something about iwa’s feelings for you eventually

you pouted at the way oikawa laughed. it seemed almost mocking, as though you weren’t already upset about the situation.

“it’s not funny!” you whined, then groaned as you bury your face in your hands. “him hating me is the opposite of what i want.”

oikawa attempted to talk, but the moment me tried he started laughing again. while you wanted to laugh with him, you were having an increasingly hard time finding a bright side to your current predicament.

“alright, listen,” oikawa tried again, though not without a few more giggles in between sentences. “he’s emotionally constipated. don’t think he’s ever flirted with someone in his life actually. so, he’s just having a hard time figuring out his feelings, cut him some slack.”

you were about to respond when you thought through his words again. what had he meant by iwaizumi’s feelings?

“his... what’s he figuring out?”

oikawa’s face paled as yours heated up. “i don’t think i was supposed to say that.”

meanwhile, iwaizumi was across the room getting more and more bothered. he trusted oikawa not to flirt with you, and even then the two of you weren’t in a relationship.

so why the hell did he have this sick feeling in his stomach?

the way oikawa laughed, the way you’d seemingly got flustered and then began to smile... don’t get him wrong, there’s nothing he loves more than your smile, but it’s different whenever it’s because of oikawa.

“hi.” iwaizumi spoke, somehow sounding annoyed with one word.

“oh, haha, i think i should go.” oikawa smiled innocently, getting up and patting iwaizumi on the back. “make sure to take y/n out sometime though, i think they figured out your little puppy crush.”

it was another few moments before iwaizumi unfroze and his mind processed everything. was that really what you got all flustered about?

“you- uhm. he wasn’t supposed to tell you that.”

“he also said you were ‘emotionally constipated’, was he not supposed to tell me that either?”

━━ suna;

suna knew that in some way, shape, or form, atsumu miya would be the death of him

didn’t really think it’d be like this though

swears he feels his heart stop whenever atsumu just,, says it so casually,,

everyone just kinda pauses to processes it (including atsumu lmao)

if atsumu smiled over at suna one more time, the latter swears he’s going to snap.

it was bad enough that atsumu had found out, but now he was acting so obvious about it. you kept knitting your eyebrows at the two of them, asking why atsumu is looking over to suna with a cheeky grin.

atsumu didn’t say anything, of course, just brushed off your question. however, it was always after receiving a kick from suna under the table.

“kick me again and i’ll tell them.” atsumu teased, knowing full well that he wouldn’t. he also seemed to forget that you were quite literally beside him.

“tell me what?”

“say anything and i’ll make osamu an only child.”

“can someone please tell me what you’re talking about?” you asked again. at this point you were growing a little insecure; what could they possibly want to hide from you so badly?

suna looked over to you to brush your question off again, but noticed the nervous, awkward look on your face. his eyes softened as he realized how you could easily see their exchange as a bad thing.

“uhm...” suna’s eyebrows pinned, trying to figure out a believable lie.

“suna turns soft whenever he talks about you, gets this really faint smile on his face? almost kinda creepy. anyways, he’s got feelings for you.”

suna’s gaze snapped to atsumu, whos expression dropped as he realized what he’d just said. it was quiet for another few moments before atsumu finally spoke.

“dude, what did you want me to do? they looked like they were gonna cry.”

“suna, is that true?”

atsumu smiled, pointing at the blush creeping its way to suna’s face. said boy wouldn’t look you in the eyes now, focused more on the table in front of him now. “look at him, like a little school boy with a crush.”

“miya-”

“if that’s all you were hiding, you don’t have to worry. but if atsumu really wants to make up for it, he can pay for us to go out sometime.”

suna looked up at you then, smiling. “deal.”

━━ bokuto;

ok honestly,, just give him a minute LMAO

he hears akaashi say it and a part of him knows that something is off about the statement

but he can’t think straight around you so he needs a second to process it </3

“akaashi, i don’t see the point in-” bokuto started and was cut off.

“there is a point,” akaashi said, smile making its way to his lips.

truth be told, akaashi was caught between the two of you. as much as he wanted to tell you that bokuto had feelings for you and vice versa, he’d promised both of you to keep his mouth shut about it. so, of course he’d stay quiet.

that didn’t change this fact that the whole situation was becoming increasingly more difficult to handle — bokuto had gotten to the point where he was accepting what he thought was bad news.

“hey,” you smiled as you walked over to the two of them, then took a seat across the table. “what are you two talking about?”

“nothing.” bokuto said quickly.

akaashi just smiled, you giving them both a quizzical look.

“it’s not nothing, just having a small disagreement about something.”

“yeah, it’s nothing important.” bokuto looked down and started tracing invisible lines on the table.

“since when was y/n ‘nothing important’?” akaashi teased, seemingly forgetting that you were beside him. “just a few seconds ago you were talking about how much you adore them, where... oh.”

the table was silent for a moment, with a very sleep-deprived akaashi wondering why he’d just said that. on the other hand, you and bokuto weren’t done letting his words sink in.

“i am... not really sorry,” akaashi spoke quickly, then stood and began to walk away. “have fun with that.”

it was quiet for another few moments before anyone spoke. bokuto had turned red to the tips of his ears and your heart felt like it was still stopped in your chest.

“bokuto...” you were hesitant to speak. “did he mean ‘adore’ like...”

“in that way, yeah. but that doesn’t have to change anything! we can stay friends if you want, i don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

a smile worked at the corner of your lips. “and if i said i ‘adore’ you too?”

his eyes seemed to have dulled earlier, but when he looked over to you now you could see them brighten. they matched the smile that had appeared on his face.

“then i’d ask if you want to go someplace with me this weekend? just us?”

━━ atsumu;

ngl suna would do it on purpose 💀

suna teased the two of you about it, sometimes it happened to be in front of each other

but it was always vague and never straightforward, so suna didn’t think much of it whenever he said it

but whenever the words left his mouth and he sees the “i’ll kill you” seemingly written on atsumu’s face, he thinks he might have messed up

“move.” you pouted, swatting your hand at suna.

he just smiled and shook his head. it was supposed to be just he, you, and the two miyas hanging out together, but suna had decided to stretch himself across the couch.

“suna rintarou-”

“don’t call me that, you sound like my parent.”

“then move.” you said.

this time you reached out to grab his arm, making an attempt at pulling him up off the couch. he made himself dead weight though and refused to get up.

“if you wanna sit down so badly, go sit with your boyfriend.”

“he’s not my boyfriend.” you huffed and rolled your eyes, but could feel your face heat up.

“i think he’d like to be.”

it wasn’t until suna looked over to atsumu, then back up at you, that he realized he may have said something off. you let go of his arm and cast a look over your shoulder.

“would you?”

atsumu gave you a cocky smile, trying to act calm. and yet, his face was burning and his heart felt like it was gonna beat out of his chest.

“maybe.”

you smiled at that, giving up your fight against suna and opting to go sit down beside atsumu. “do it then, coward.”

“in a sec,” atsumu said, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead. he then leaned forward to yell down the hallway at his brother. “samu, your future boyfriend is in here.”

[tittyblade]

tumblr etiquette 101

a list that is nowhere near exhaustive, from yours truly.

First off, welcome! Whether you’re a twitter veteran looking for anything but whatever twitter is, or a new user just done signing up, glad to see you in our ranks beloveds! Welcome home. Refer to this quick tour to make sure your fandom experience (or tumblr experience in general) is a positive one!

Disclaimer: I know it’s long, but please try to read or skim through til the end if you’re new here! This is by no means meant to be a rule book (for the most part lol), only a guide to help you get settled easier!

1) Your blog

This is where people will see and interact with you, so put some effort into it!

Try to choose a name (url) that’s simple. You can see it as your brand, it’s how people will perceive you and remember you. If you’d like to interact with other users here (and not use the site just for the content) it’s better to have something short and sweet, preferably without spaces. (Of course, these are only suggestions.) Rest assured, you can change it literally any time you want.

Have a theme. Utilize the tool that lets you edit your blog’s color or the font of your bio! You can make it match your profile picture, or your blog if it has a theme of its own. Make it feel homey :]

Fill in your bio. People will be checking out your profile probably more often than you think. Don’t leave it empty! Put in any information you’re comfortable with sharing and isn’t too personal (like your age if you’re a minor, or other TMI that can be found on other people’s carrds). It’s always better to add a name/nickname people can use to refer to you by, but feel free to use your blog description to shitpost still.

You can have an intro post. More often than not, you’ll see a blog have a pinned post, a post permanently appearing at the top of a blog until you pin another post or unpin it. You can make one of those, if you’d like to introduce yourself in more length, link any other socials or a carrd, and show others visiting your blog how you tag things so it’ll be easy for them to navigate. Not an obligation.

Keep your anonymity and your safety. It should go without saying, but there’s no harm in repeating it just in case. Your comfort, privacy and safety has the utmost importance. Don’t share any information you don’t want to. Don’t share your age if you’re a minor, or any other incredibly personal info. I’d encourage you to go by a nickname that’s not your real name, (blog name, your brand, remember?) since there’s safety in anonymity, and that’s lowkey one of the big deals of tumblr, but that’s up to you still.

Choose what you want to be visible. Your liked posts and who you follow are all things you can set to keep to yourself and hide from the publics eye, how handy! You should go through all the setting while you’re at it, set it to your comfort.

Side blogs are a thing. You can have multiple blogs that you can use for different things (see: different fandoms, art blog, etc) to keep them organized or away from your followers. Just remember that the replies and off-anon asks you send will be from your main blog, as well as where you follow other blogs from.

2) Interacting with others

You’ve set up your account, now comes the fun part!

Follow to your heart’s desire. If you care about others seeing who you follow, fear not! In tumblr, usually only two types of blogs keep their following visible to others: newbies, and big blogs using it to point people on other good blogs’ direction. Just turn it off, and go ham following people.

Customize your dashboard. Gonna mention just two things here: this is another reason why it’s really important that you follow blogs without sparing, your dash will collect dust otherwise; and you should turn off “best stuff first” in your dashboard settings, to have a better community here and all.

Follow tags. You can set it in your settings that posts with your followed tags appear on your dashboard.

You can check the og post for edits and context. When you see a reblogged post you don’t understand the context of (or don’t recognize the character in case of fanarts), click on the profile so it will take you to the original post. From there you can check the original poster’s tags to get the context, or see if there have been any edits made to the post, since when you edit a post it doesn’t update any past reblogs.

Send people asks... This is how you make mutuals, people! Do it off-anon if you’d like them to know your blog, or anon if you’d rather not! (You can still end your messages with a signature to show you’re the same person, -[name] is one example.) Send them nice messages, ask their opinion on something, discuss things, or just straight up shitpost lol. Go wild. The sky’s your limit and it’s definitely more than 280 characters.

...and let them ask you! You can set your preference in the settings, do it on desktop tumblr to access more settings tho! What you can customize on mobile is limited (like letting people ask you things anonymously, that’s only on desktop settings). In my personal opinion, it’s always better to tag their username (or a nickname you give them, if they’re a friend) on that post, since you wouldn’t want your interactions with your friends to get buried in your blog forever.

Comment on posts. If you have something to say but don’t want the post to appear on your blog you can add a comment. The owner of the post will get a notif for it, but for anyone else you need to tag them.

For the love of god, reblog. People will only see your liked posts if you have it visible to public and they specifically go on your blog to look at them. You like something? You reblog. It’s already hard for posts to circulate properly, if you don’t reblog them literally no one will see them. If not for anything do it for the artists. Just hold and drag on mobile to fast rb.

3) Your Posts

Finally here! Don’t be a lurker, post and engage!

Make use of “read more”. If your post is long, add it. That’s what you clicked on earlier to expand this post. On desktop leave an empty line and you’ll see three dots appear, and on mobile type :readmore: on that empty line.

Draft a post to come back to it later. Pretty self explanatory.

Queue your post. Whether it’s your own post or you’re reblogging, make use of the queue feature to a) not spam reblog and fill up the dashboard of people following you and b) keep your blog active while you’re gone. Mess around in the settings, it’s fairly easy to set up.

Schedule your post. Same as queueing, the only difference is you get to choose the exact time your post will go up. Handy if you want to schedule a post for certain dates like april fools, or 5 years in the future for some reason. 

Format your texts. You can do all kinds of fancy stuff here (that’s a link, try pressing on it). Twitter doesn’t have this, make use of it. Changes depending on whether you’re on mobile or desktop. (Desktop has less features.)

Check your stats. If you’re trying to understand the algorithm better or want to look at some pretty graphs you can get your data on that on desktop tumblr.

@ people in comments. You’ll get all the notifs when people comment on your posts but they won’t see your reply unless you tag them in your message.

4) Tags, and tagging a post

This is where my earlier statement “this isn’t a rule book” stops being applicable. It’s not a war crime to go against these, I won’t come chasing you (don’t take my word for this) but you’ll work up a bad rep. Just saying lol.

Do NOT crosstag posts. It’s really tempting to add unrelated tags to increase your posts’ interaction, I know, but that’s not what tumblr is about. Don’t be a dick and make other communities’ experience worse for them.

Always tag your posts with “crit/critical/discourse/etc” if it calls for it. There’s no exceptions to it. This is the reason you see people migrating to tumblr. Let people enjoy things.

Don’t main tag a critical/negative post. If your crit post is about “Thing”, you add the “Thing critical” tag, but not the “Thing” tag. People block crit tags if they don’t want to see it, don’t shove it in their faces by main tagging it. 

If you don’t want to see something, just block it. Another reason why people are able to survive on tumblr. You don’t start discourse, you don’t make call-outs, you block. You can find something for every community you can think of if you go looking for it. The worst of the worst probably won’t ever appear on your dash, but if you’re worried or feel the need for it, you know where the block button is.

Feel free to shitpost or ramble. More often than not you’ll see people rb a post with a comment, and their elaboration will be in the tags. The tags are only visible on your profile and the notifications of the owner of the og blog. Just a thing people do.

Reblog artists’ posts with nice comments in the tags! Commenting on a drawing is usually done through the tags (Not an obligation, again, just a thing people do. Feel free to add your comment on the rb itself if you’d want other people to see it tho!) and leave nice messages for the artists! It’s a win-win for everyone involved. 

If you have more than a single follower, always use the common tw warning tags. You don’t need to tw everything, but tw’ing some common things is the bare minimum human decency. Keep it safe for others. 

Tag a post “long post” if it’s really long. Pretty self explanatory. Don’t make people scroll through all that please lol. 

You can use them to organize your blog. This is more of a pro tip, if you’d like to not miss a post in your blog, cause they will start pilin’ up soon enough.

#Liveblogging is pretty fun. If you’d like to talk to people during streams, don’t forget to add the relevant tags still! Again, you won’t show up on people’s dash otherwise.

Whew! That got out of hand. Hopefully I didn’t bore you too much. Check out blogs like @heritageposts and @hellsite-hall-of-fame to honor our past o7. @mcytblr-hall-of-fame too maybe :eyes:. Anyways, don’t forget the most important rule of them all:

Enjoy your stay! You’re meant to have fun on here while also making friends (if that’s your thing). Just be kind and respectful of others, you’ll get the hang of the rest! <3

[havethetimeofyourstyles]

in which you’re harry’s assistant and harry needs to open his eyes.

a/n: ASSISANT!YN has finally arrived! this took me three weeks and a half to write, so please enjoy and kindly rb with feedback! i’ve had this concept in mind for SO long, and i’m proud of it! this is also inspired by my love for the barcelona pic, pictured on the left, that I think about on the daily along with some thoughts in a dressing room! also picture on the right at the final show is an aspect in the story as well!

also big thank you to my bestie @stylesloveclub for screaming and hyping this up for me while I rave about it, ily!

enjoy a long slowburn of 26.3k words of a friends to lovers fic that’s filled with angst and some smut! genuinely be ready for the angst hehe

COME INTO MY INBOX AND LETS TALKING ABOUT WANT YOU HERE! i’d love to know your thoughts and feedback!

pls rb to share! <3

16 December 2017

The smell of fresh flowers brought allergies to your senses as you shuffled and continuously rubbed your nose with a tissue. 

You were at the flower shop with two bouquets in your hands as you debated which bundle to get. You were given specific instructions to find a bouquet that’s full and big with the color white being the dominant color of the bouquet, and your options were a white orchid bunch, which weren’t your personal favorite, but it was one of the white bouquets, and your other option was a white lilac bouquet with a couple of white roses and baby’s breath around the large lilacs. 

“Do you need help choosing a bouquet?” The lady that was named Vicky asked. She had an expression of curiosity as she was probably wondering if you were going to buy anything since you’ve been standing in the corner for quite some time as you tried choosing which bouquet to get. 

“Oh, no. Thank you,” you replied back with a smile, and she nodded her head, walking away to help another customer, but you knew she was going to be back to ask you again in the next ten minutes if you don’t make your mind up right now. 

After another three minutes of deciding, you opted for the white lilac bouquet, and headed to the cashier. You gave the employee your number for rewards since you were at the flower shop quite a lot that you’ve managed to rack up some points in order to get a free bouquet. Once you paid and were on your way, your phone rang in your purse. Struggling to reach for it as you were holding the big bouquet and a few shopping bags, you moved to the side to set your paper bags down on the ground, and quickly grabbed your phone so it won’t go to voicemail. 

“Hey,” you answered cheerfully, knowing exactly who it was. 

“Hi there. Where are you?” The voice from the other end asked. 

“I just left the flower shop—should be there soon.” 

“Okay, perfect. Thank you for everything.” 

“Harry, you don’t need to thank me every single time,” you chuckled. “I’m your assistant. It’s my job.” 

“I know, I know. It’s just…I’m grateful for what you do,” he said thankfully. 

“I know, and I’m grateful for having this job and working for you. So, thank you also.” 

“Look who’s saying thank you now,” he joked, and you laughed. “But I’ll see you soon. Walk back safely, please,” he said, bidding you goodbye. 

“Always do. See you,” you hung up the phone, picking up the shopping bags, and walking towards Harry’s place. 

You’ve been Harry’s assistant for quite some time now; exactly two years. You started working for him when you were both twenty one, and he had just gone separate ways from the band. Harry was in the midst of writing his very first album and planning his first world tour as a solo artist in smaller theatre venues, and desperately needed an assistant to do some basic errands and remind him of his scheduling. Luckily as Glenne’s friend, you were in need of a job. You were fresh out of college as you had your bachelor’s in public relations, and being friends with someone who’s boyfriend is in the industry has its perks. 

Glenne had immediately recommended you once Jeff mentioned that Harry was looking for an assistant, and since Jeff had met you a handful of times, he told Glenne to call you in for an interview, but somewhat knowing that he was going to hire you already since Harry desperately needed one and you were a friend. 

When you walked into the interview, you were greeted by Jeff and Harry. That was your first time meeting Harry, and you were quite shocked that he was a real person. Of course you were a fan of him, and you were still surprised whenever Glenne talked about him, but when you saw him for the first time, you immediately thought that he was more gorgeous in reality. 

“So nice to meet you,” Harry said, shaking your ring filled hand. The coolness of his metal rings met your shaky hands, and sparks had immediately shocked your body. 

“Great to meet you too. I love your shirt,” you complimented. He was wearing a bright blue button down shirt with a cherry blossom print on it with a white t-shirt underneath along with some black skinny jeans and brown boots. 

“Thank you. Your trousers are very nice,” he said back, looking down at your pants. You were wearing burnt orange corduroy pants with a white semi turtleneck blouse with a pussybow tie on it, along with some black booties. “Actually, I love your whole outfit,” he added, and you chuckled, trying to hide your blush. 

Never in a million years would you have thought you would meet Harry, let alone Harry complimenting your entire outfit. You’re really living the dream. 

The interview went extremely well and only lasted about thirty minutes. The first ten minutes were some generic interview questions because they still had to keep it professional, but the last twenty minutes consisted of asking about your interests and simply getting to know you because you would spend most of your time with Harry. 

At the end of the interview, it was quite obvious Jeff and Harry knew they wanted to hire you. They loved your personality and how you made jokes, especially how you laughed at Harry’s jokes, which he thought was a very important aspect of being his assistant. 

Jeff exited the room, telling you he would be right back, but really he went into his office to grab some paperwork for you to sign. That left you and Harry in the conference room alone as you made conversation with him about university. You also told him that you were a fan of his, which you thought was a mistake to tell him because you’re sure he doesn’t want a crazy fan to be his assistant and practically have access to his personal life, but he said gratefully said thank you, and asking if you had a favorite song off new released album. Your favorites off his album were ‘Only Angel’ and ‘From the Dining Table.’ 

“Good picks,” he teased. 

“I would hope they’re good picks. It is your album,” you teased back, making him laugh, and he thought that it was a great choice making you his assistant. 

Once Jeff was back, he opened a folder, taking out various paperwork before Harry broke the news and told you that he’d love for you to be his assistant. You hadn’t expected to be hired on the spot, or be hired in general, but there you were, reading over the contracts and signing your name at the bottom of the last page along with the date. Jeff and Harry both shook your hands, telling you that they were excited for you to be along with the ride, and you told them that you were excited as well. 

You had thanked Glenne a million times for getting you an interview, and till this day, you always made sure to thank her because one mention of your name had gotten you an opportunity and a well paying job that you actually really loved. 

Harry also made the job bearable; not truly treating you as only an assistant, but rather a friend who helps a lot. Throughout the years of knowing each other, you and Harry had grown quite close. With always being around him, it was like hanging out with him, and you were thankful for that because you were sure no other job would feel like this. Harry also doesn’t give you difficult tasks either. He just has you go on coffee runs or run to the store to grab him something, but the most work you’ve had to do for him was to call several people on his guest list for a party he was hosting last year or write out his whole schedule for the entirety of the year. But nothing strenuous that would leave you frustrated with him. 

He would also make sure everything that he assigns you to do is okay for you to do, and you really appreciated that, but you would do anything for that man. 

You stood in front of Harry’s door, setting your bags down onto the floor before you reached into your purse to grab your keys where a spare key to Harry’s place hung on the metal ring. Before your hand could even find them, the door swung open revealing Harry smiling at you, looking impeccably sharp in his suit, which caused your heart to flutter. 

“Ah, thought I heard you. Here, let me help you,” he grabbed the shopping bags from the ground and the flowers from your hands, leaving you empty handed as you followed behind him into his home. “Thank you for getting these. I’ve just been so busy lately,” he thanked once again as he did on the phone. 

“Yeah, I know. Afterall, I am your assistant,” you teased, and he laughed as he studied the bouquet. 

“This is a lovely bouquet. Good pick,” he said, and your mind immediately goes back to when he said that to you for the first time at your interview. He said it quite often as you ultimately always make the decisions when he asks you to go out and grab something for him. 

“I thought so too. Also,” you opened one of the shopping bags, taking out the garment bag before unzipping the entire thing, “I got the exact dress you asked for, and get this: it was the last one in her size. Lucky man, you are, Harry Styles,” you handed him the Yves Saint Laurent black dress so he could get a better look at it, and he held it up, smiling. 

“It’s perfect. Thank you so much, angel,” he said, and you slightly blushed from the pet name that you would never get used to. 

Harry started calling you ‘angel’ when you were two months into working for him. With all the work you do for him, the pet name had slipped out, but it stuck once he kept calling you that. You loved it--a lot, and you hoped that one day, he wouldn’t forget to call you that because you would miss the simple name coming out of his mouth very much. Plus, it was fitting because your favorite song of his is ‘Only Angel.’

“Are you excited for tonight?” You asked. 

“Yeah, I am. It’s been a while since I’ve properly taken her out on a date, so I’m stoked for it. Pretty sure she is too.” Harry had a busy schedule. With being involved in interviews and promo for his upcoming tour, he was a busy man, which you knew of course. But it had affected his personal life greatly. 

“Well, I’m happy if you are. I hope she loves the dress,” you said painfully. 

“She will. She’s been talking about it for a while now. I just hope she didn’t go buying it without telling me because that would be really awkward once I tell her to go change into this,” he chuckled softly, and you joined him, agreeing. Harry quickly checked the time on his phone as it read 6:30 p.m, and he carefully placed the dress back into the garment bag and zipped it up. He grabbed the bouquet of flowers and his wallet on the counter. “I gotta go. Gonna be late if I don’t leave now. Lock up for me if you decide not to stay, yeah?” You nodded, walking him to the door as if it were your house. “Oh!” He turned back around because he had forgotten something, and you were holding up his keys already, and he chuckled. “Thanks again. You’re a lifesaver. Don’t know what I’d do without you,” he leaned in to give you a brief kiss to your cheek, which he has done often, and you waved at him. 

“Have fun tonight! Call me if you need anything,” you called out from his front door and he waved the flowers as a sign of goodbye before getting into his car. You watched him reverse out of his driveway and drive off to his girlfriend’s house. 

With a sigh, you closed the door, looking around at what needs to be done. Harry’s place was relatively clean. He just had some things laying around on random surfaces, and you think that was probably because he was in a hurry, so he just placed them on the nearest surface. If Harry were here, he would probably tell you that cleaning up his own mess was so unnecessary and that he doesn’t expect you to, but you know that he’s grateful you’re doing it anyways. 

You were silent as you tidied up his house, putting things back in his closet, and washing the bowl of yogurt and fruit he eats in the morning. It was an unnerving silence, and you just wanted to make any kind of noise just to fill the quietness that was slowly eating you away. You grabbed one of his shirts off the ground that slipped off the hanger, and you brought it up to your nose. His scent filling your senses as you closed your eyes, taking his smell in. You inhaled enough to practically take away his entire scent that was left on his shirt to fill the satisfaction in your body as you pretended he was close. 

As you did that, you uncontrollably sobbed into the material, letting out a heartbroken cry as you covered your face with his shirt. You slowly sank down to the floor, completely sitting down on the cold tiles. The sudden outbreak of your cries weren’t new; they had made their appearance when he left for dates or after he was done talking about someone he liked. When you would go out to the store and grab things he wants gifted. When he would call you angel while he was with the devil who was keeping you two apart. 

Once you calmed down a bit, you thought about how hugging his shirt was the closest you would get to him as you wished you were the lucky person he would be greeting them with his presence and a pretty batch of flowers, but he doesn’t even know your favorite flower.

It was the next day, and you woke up in the comfort of your own bed. 

You had taken an Uber home around ten p.m the night prior as you figured Harry was still on his date and perhaps wouldn’t be coming home till later. So, after watching a movie on his couch and having dinner, you turned off all of the lights and locked up as you headed to your place for what you hope is a relaxing night. 

A weird feeling had taken over you as you got ready for bed and it felt strange. You knew you weren’t yourself, and you hated that. The outburst of your crying was long forgotten as you climbed into bed and slept the day away. 

Once you had woken up from your deep slumber, your charged phone was ringing with your text tone. Groaning, you stretched your body from the tenseness from your sleep before you reached for your phone, unplugging the charger. You rubbed your eyes and blinked a bit as the brightness of your phone was straining to your vision. When your sight had cleared up, you were greeted with various messages from Jeff, asking if you had heard from Harry or if you’ve seen him. Going to Harry’s message, you hadn’t received anything, so you texted Jeff back and told him that he hadn’t contacted you and the last time you saw him was last night. Jeff immediately texted back, asking you if you could kindly go to his place and check if he was there, and you instantly said yes, a bit worried as Jeff seemed to be worried as well. 

You got out of bed for the day, not wanting to leave, but knowing you had responsibilities, you got ready for the day, doing your normal hygienic routine.

 It was Sunday, and usually on Sundays, you didn’t have much work to do since it was Harry’s day off as well. That is, if it’s not on tour, he gets a nice little day to himself. So, you chose a comfy outfit—one where you wouldn’t sweat so much as you walked to Harry’s house in the summer heat. You opted for a big t-shirt and pairing it with black biker shorts, and some sneakers. With one last look in the mirror, you were out the door and headed to Harry’s house. 

The day was beautiful as the sun was out and the sky was blue. Rarely any clouds to overcast the sun, and there was a slight breeze in the air, making the walk more bearable so you wouldn’t sweat all that much. 

Once you got to Harry’s house, fortunately, it wasn’t that far of a walk from where you live, you unlocked the door and walked in. 

“Harry?” You called out, looking around the living area. His shoes that he normally wears out are by the couch, so he should be somewhere. He might still be asleep, you think. You walk up the stairs to his room, knocking lightly before entering. And what you saw was something you wanted to erase from your memory forever. “Oh, fuck! Sorry!” You immediately slammed the door as you stood still outside of his room, in disbelief of what you just saw. 

You had just witnessed Brooke giving Harry head. They were both obviously naked, and her actions were on full display too because the bed faced the door and Brooke was on the side of Harry rather than in front of him as she had his dick down her throat, and of course, Harry had his head back, simply enjoying it because what guy wouldn’t. 

You heard shuffling through the door, and that took you out of your spaced out mind; quickly walked down the stairs and to the kitchen, grabbing yourself a glass of water, feeling yourself get flustered from how bare Harry was in front of you. 

“God, does she ever learn how to fucking knock?” You heard Brooke faintly say as they both walked down the stairs, most likely thinking you didn’t hear, but you definitely did as her voice echoed throughout the whole fucking house. “Hey, girl,” she smiled once they both made it to the kitchen, and it was the fakest smile you’ve ever seen. No wonder she’s a good actress, you think. 

“Hi,” you said back, sipping your glass of water as you avoided eye contact with Harry. 

“Hi. What are you doing here? Do I have to be somewhere today?” He greeted, but immediately asked questions as if you were invading his privacy and day off. You looked at him very briefly, but remained your sight on his marble counter. 

“Uh, no. Jeff told me to come here and check on you; said that he hadn’t heard from you, so he was worried,” you explained, glancing up and Harry nodded. 

“Oh, okay. The last time I talked to him was before I left, but I hadn’t checked my phone since. Was it anything urgent?” You shook your head, realizing Jeff never really explained why he needed Harry, but you brushed it off. 

“He bought me this lovely bouquet of flowers and a pretty dress for dinner!” Yeah, I know. I was the one who got them, you thought. “Then he took me out on a boat ride, and we came back here-”

“Spare me the details? I already know all of this. I am his assistant afterall,” you said in a not so friendly tone, interrupting her and not wanting to know the details of what happens in his bedroom that entails Brooke. Usually, you weren’t so harsh to anyone, but you had a reason to be a bit stern with Brooke because she bites back. Unfortunately for her, you bite back even harder. 

Harry and Brooke have been dating for what seems like forever, but it’s really only been about six months. You tried being nice to her--you really tried, giving her your patience, but every time you see her, she would act cold towards you. Of course not in front of Harry because he thinks she’s an absolute saint, but she was the complete opposite of that. She was the devil and you were the angel. But of course, Harry doesn’t see that. 

Brooke gives you a harsh look, rolling her eyes a bit as Harry grabbed a glass of water for both of them. She turns to him, giving him a big smile before reaching up to kiss his lips, knowing exactly what she was doing in front of you. She then took a sip of her water, hugging Harry before she said, “I gotta go. Have a meeting at ten. I’ll call you?” Harry nodded, walking her to the front door, giving her one last kiss before she was off and Harry shut the door. You scoffed to yourself as you watched them, rolling your eyes in a way to attempt to hide your pain. 

Harry walked back to the kitchen, leaning on the counter, matching your stance. 

“I’m sorry you had to walk in on us-”

“Harry, it’s fine. I should’ve waited before I knocked,” you tried to get rid of the thought of seeing Brooke’s mouth on Harry. That was the first time you’ve walked in on him like that--fully bare on the bed while in action. Brooke was probably his first serious girlfriend in years, but he’s had some one night stands here and there, which he called you in the morning to pick him up. It wasn’t your preferred task to do because of the pain you would always feel when you would see him walk out of the house he just slept in, but then again, he is your boss. 

It was a bit quiet between you two, and Harry thinks that it’s because you practically saw his dick on full display. Partially it was for that reason, but it was also the way Brooke would treat you almost every time she sees you. Harry thinks back to when Brooke was in the house, and he could practically feel the anger from you when she was there. 

“You know, you could be a little nicer to her,” he stated, recalling what you said to Brooke and how you said it. 

“Well, she could be nicer to me in general,” you raised your brows, waiting for what he has to say about that. 

“She is nice to you. She always talks about wanting to invite you places, but she comes back sad because you’re always so quick to turn her down.”

“Brooke has never invited me anywhere. In fact, she’s never said a word to me unless you were there,” Except for that time a couple of months ago when you two had a little chat that ended up with you in tears at the end of the night. You laughed as you were in disbelief that she would actually lie to Harry that she actually wanted to be friends with you. 

“What? No. She’s always talking about wanting to get to know you more, but you just shut her down,” Harry’s brows furrowed, and you laughed even more. “W-What’s so funny?”

“Harry, you would know if she would have talked to me because I would’ve told you, but your girlfriend has never mentioned anything other than…” you trailed off as you stopped laughing, not wanting to overstep or overshare some of things that Brooke has really said to you. 

“Other than what?” He noticed that you cut yourself off. 

“Maybe ask her if you wanna know. I gotta get going,” you said, brushing it off as if it didn’t matter to you as you avoided his suspicious eyes while you headed for the door. “Make sure to call Jeff too. Oh, uh,” you turned around to find him following you to the front door, “Did you need me to do anything for you while I’m here?” You asked, still knowing that he was your boss. 

“Oh, hmm, no. Don’t think so. Enjoy your day,” he said, and you got off of his doorstep.

“Bye, H-,” you were interrupted by the sound of his door closing. You raised your brows in confusion as Harry never really interrupted you, especially not like that. He would usually wait for you to get in your car and pull out of the driveway, but he didn’t even wait for you whatsoever. 

You tried not to make it a big deal because you figured he was frustrated and probably a bit pissed that you weren’t so nice to Brooke, but how could you cover up her lie like that especially if she was so mean to you? You grew some thick skin when you first started working for Harry, and that meant that you learned how to stand up for yourself no matter who is talking to you, not even Harry’s girlfriend. 

You groaned; on the topic of Harry’s girlfriend: how could he possibly think she’s a nice person? She put up such an act in front of him, and whenever he’s not around, that act is the complete opposite. 

When will he realize what’s right in front of him? That’s been right in front of him for years now. You were tired of meeting his new love interests and picking him up from other people’s houses when he could be at yours without worrying about going anywhere or leaving because the morning would be spent cuddling and making breakfast together. Oh, how you envied the people he got to hold onto tight and freely kiss as you wished for those lips to land on you as he called you angel. 

The thought was driving you insane because you wouldn’t dare tell him whatsoever. Afterall, he was your boss and it would be awkward if he didn’t feel the same way. But you think he would never see you in that way, so you keep your mouth shut and hold your heart close as you just go with the flow despite the pain you feel. 

20 December 2017

Harry was laying on his back breathless as Brooke collapsed right next to him, deeply sighing as she tried catching her breath. 

“How does it get better every single time?” She giggled as she was in a post orgasmic state. She shifted so she was laying into Harry’s side, cuddling him as he wrapped his arm around her. He smiled, kissing the top of her head. Brooke’s hand roamed his chest as it was her way of showing that she would like to go for another round. 

She started kissing his chest and his neck, and Harry wasn’t opposed to the idea, but the sound of his phone vibrating on his bedside table had killed the mood. 

“Don’t answer it, please. Want you again,” she sat up slightly and buried her head more into his neck as she kissed and sucked his skin. He was so close to listening to her, trying to block out the sound of his phone, but as it kept vibrating, he realized he couldn’t ignore it. 

“M’sorry,” he sat up causing Brooke to pull away as she groaned, laying on her side of the bed. Harry picked up his phone and Brooke had a little peek at who was texting him. He had changed your contact name from your name to your nickname ever since he started calling you ‘angel,’ and it’s been the same ever since. He loved it; it added a little flare and he would always smile when he sees your contact name pop up on his phone. 

“Does she always have to make an appearance at the worst times? Or in general?” She asked, but the last part was definitely muttered under her breath as Harry was too focused on reading your texts. Harry had sent out a text  a few hours after you left on Sunday, saying that he was sorry for being rude and practically slamming the door on you. You had texted back saying that it was okay, and that you were sorry for being rude to him too. There were no rude remarks towards him, but your tone had said otherwise, and you knew that you could’ve handled that conversation better. 

My Angel: Hi, H. I was wondering if you wanted to do some suit fittings before you leave to go back home or after? Let me know so I can tell Lambert and Harris. 

“Sorry. She’s just wondering if I’m available to do some suit fittings for the upcoming tour,” he said to Brooke before texting you back. 

H: Preferably after the holidays. We’ll do it right at the beginning of January. 

��Isn’t she your assistant? Why doesn’t she just schedule it already?” She asked cluelessly. 

It wasn’t like Brooke was stupid. No, she was smart. But there were some things that didn't click for her, which makes Harry and anyone have to explain things twice. She would usually have her assistant do everything for her without confirmation, and Brooke would just go with it.

“Well, I still have to approve of it, love. Can’t just book me without me knowing,” he chuckled slightly. 

My Angel: Okay, perfect. I scheduled the fitting for January 4th. That’s okay right? I know you’ll be back before New Years, so I just wanna make sure. 

He always loved how you were so cautious about everything. Sure, he wanted you to let loose sometimes and not take everything so seriously, but you two were a perfect team because you need to keep him in check sometimes, but you did let loose and have fun off the clock. 

H: Yeah, should be good. Thank you, angel. xx

My Angel: That’s what I’m here for! You don’t have anything scheduled for tomorrow before you leave. Do you wanna get some coffee before your flight? Say at 8?

He smiled down at your text. Brooke noticed, which made her furrow her eyebrows in confusion, so she started rubbing his back and his stomach as she tried getting a look at his text messages. Once she saw a bit of it, she climbed on Harry’s lap. 

“Do you want to get lunch tomorrow before you leave? I’m gonna miss you,” she pouted slightly, and Harry had only glanced up at her very briefly before looking back down at his phone as he was in the middle of responding to your question. 

H: Sure! That’d be great. The usual spot?

My Angel: Yes, the usual :) see you then, H! 

He grinned before locking his phone and placing it back on the bedside table. He looked up at Brooke who was impatiently waiting for him to give her attention as she had her arms crossed. 

“Well?” 

“Oh, sorry I’m actually getting coffee with Y/N,” he frowned slightly, somewhat feeling bad rejecting her offer. 

“You don’t wanna see me before you leave?” She asked in an annoyed tone, getting off his lap to sit beside him on the bed. 

“W-What?” He said in disbelief. “You’ve been sleeping over since Saturday. That’s why we planned for you to stay here until I leave right?” He stated obviously. They clearly talked about her sleeping over after their date on Saturday until he leaves to go back home for the holidays. So, he’s wondering if she’s missed something or she’s just acting like this to get a rise out of him. 

“You think four days is enough? You’re gonna be gone for two weeks until I have to see you again, and you would rather spend your time-” 

“Four days is a really long time! And I’m seeing you for New Years. I don’t understand where this is coming from,” Harry got off the bed and pulled on his boxers. 

“I’m just saying…she’s already your assistant. Why do you have to spend so much time with her?” Brooke asked as she got under the covers as she watched Harry pull on his sweatpants. 

“She’s also my best friend. Where is all of this coming from? Are you jealous or what?” She scoffed, rolling her eyes, and Harry furrowed his brows. 

“Please. Like I could ever be jealous of her. All I’m saying is that I just want to spend all the time I can get before you leave, or I can go with you back home…” she suggested, and Harry perked up. 

“What? You want to come with me?” She nodded eagerly as she smiled. 

“Yeah, why not? We can spend the holidays together, and it’ll be fun. What do you say?” She crawled over to the edge of the bed where Harry was standing, and she sat on her knees as she looked up. 

They’ve been dating for six months, and Harry hadn’t introduced her to his family. It wasn’t like he didn’t like her or he was embarrassed that he’s dating her, but that was a really big commitment that needed a lot of thought put into it. Meeting the family is just a big step for him, and although his family has met his previous partners, that was when they were still friends and not together. But with Brooke, it all happened so fast that his family had never met her when they were friends or hooking up. They obviously know he’s dating someone, but to bring them home? Especially on Christmas? He wasn’t ready for that. 

“Maybe some other time. I’ll talk to them to see if they want to come over here for my birthday or something,” he rejected her suggestion. Home was just something so vulnerable to him that he wouldn’t just bring anyone. 

Brooke sighed deeply, “Okay, I’ll hold you to that,” she said, impatient that she hasn’t met his family yet, but he’s met hers. “How about I come with you tomorrow morning to get coffee?” She looked at him as she pleaded with her eyes. 

He knew that you wanted to spend time with him before the holidays and he wanted to as well. But Brooke obviously wanted to see you as much as possible now that he’s denied her suggestion of coming home with him, but she had been sleeping over for the past four days, which Harry thinks is enough time. 

“I’m sorry, but no,” he said as it came out more like a question as he didn’t want to seem rude by saying no to her. Throughout the months of dating Brooke, he learned that she hates when people say no. Obviously, it’s fine when he says no to sex, but he could tell that it really frustrates her. “I haven’t seen her in a few days because I’ve been with you the whole time, so I think it’ll be good to catch up with her before I leave,” he smiled lightly, trying to make light of the room. 

“Sure. Have fun,” she said sarcastically before heading to the restroom. 

Harry sighed, grabbing his duffel bag from the closet before he started packing. He was simply just excited to see you tomorrow and his family over the holidays. 

21 December 2017

You waved over at Harry once you saw him standing at the entrance of the coffee shop. Harry walked over to you with a beaming grin as he looked incredibly handsome. He wore black circular sunglasses that sat on his nose, a blue hawaiian shirt with a gray t-shirt underneath as a brown coat was thrown over his body. He wore his famous black skinny jeans and his famous brown Yves Saint Laurent boots that you know he has a whole collection of. His hair looked amazing as he recently cut it a week ago, and it’s starting to grow out a bit as the ends of his hair started to curl. 

As he was close enough, you snapped yourself out of your trance of checking him out before you stood up, giving each other a hug and a cheek to cheek kiss. 

“How are you, angel?” He asked, taking his coat off before taking a seat, and setting his coat down on the chair next to him. 

“I’m good. I hope you don’t mind, but I went ahead and ordered for us. Should be out soon.” You had gotten Harry an iced black coffee, and despite the weather, he was always up for an iced beverage, especially when it came to his coffee; and you had ordered him a coffee cake--the coffee house’s specialty. 

“Of course not. Thank you. So, you’re going back home right?” He asked, placing his arms on the table. Right as he asked, the drinks and food had arrived and you waited for the barista to leave before you answered. 

“I might,” you said, taking a sip from the coffee mug. 

“What do you mean you might? Told me that you were going,” he furrowed his brows in confusion because you two had just had this conversation the other week, and you were excited to go back home. 

Home was in Oregon for you, and you moved out when you were eighteen to go to school in New York. It had always been your dream of moving to the big city, and although you loved Oregon, New York had made space for you to have a home as well. 

“I mean, I was. But you know how I’m saving to buy a house right? Well, flights are expensive, especially when it’s around this time,” you explained. 

“I can always-” 

“No, no. Before you go saying that you’re going to buy me a ticket, don’t even waste your breath because I’m not taking it,” you shook your head, and Harry chuckled. 

“C’mon, please? I know how excited you were to go back home. Don’t want you to be alone during the holidays,” he pouted as he cut into his coffee cake. 

“I told mom the situation, so they might come here for a change, but not definite yet--was just a suggestion. But honestly, I don’t think they will because it might be too late and all that, y’know how they are,” you chuckled, knowing how late your family will be if things happen last minute. “Don’t worry though. Glenne asked if I could take care of Penny, and I said yes if I’m not going home,” you said, smiling at the thought of the shih tzu that Glenne and Jeff own. 

“I mean, you can always come home with me,” he put it out there, and your eyes perked up. 

“W-What? No. I can’t do that.”

“Why not? It’s not like I would be buying you a plane ticket either. We’ll be using the jet,” he smiled lightly as if there were no meaning behind his words. 

“God, you just don’t know how rich you are--saying shit about your own fucking jet,” you teased, and he laughed loudly. 

“But really. Think about it. Mum would love to see you again and I know Gems has so much to catch you up on,” he said, taking a sip from his straw. 

You had met Anne and Gemma several times as they often visited sometimes or you would fly home with Harry and hang out with them while he’s working. They were a lovely family, if not, your second family, you would say. They were the kindest people you’ve ever met, and you’re so grateful that Harry was raised by great people surrounding him. 

“Really, H. Thank you, but I’m going to pass that up. I’ll probably just suck it up and buy a plane ticket,” you scoffed slightly at your indecisiveness. 

“Alright. Well, if you change your mind, which you have practically a day to figure it out, let me know and I’ll see what I could do with the jet going back here,” he said with a smile, wanting you to have choices rather than being stuck at home all alone during the holidays. 

“Thank you, Harry. I appreciate it.” 

The rest of the hours spent at the coffee spot was filled with conversation and laughter. Luckily, Brooke wasn’t one of the topics during your time together, and you were glad for it. Harry was also happy you didn’t mention Brooke either because he just wanted his mind to rest during his vacation, and not to say that he doesn’t like her, but it can be a bit stressful to communicate things with sometimes. 

“Oh, you have to head to the airport already,” you said, looking at your phone and realizing that he has about two hours to head to the airport. “Do you have everything packed?” You asked as you two stood up from your seats and put your coats on. Harry put on his sunglasses, hopefully a way to avoid the curious eye of the public. Luckily when you two were having coffee, no one approached him, but there were some looks made towards you two, but none of them walked up to the table. 

“Yeah, you have my shirts right?” 

“Yup. They’re in my car.” Once you two made it outside, you were parked on the curb and Harry’s car was about three cars behind you. You took Harry’s shirts out from the backseat that were folded very nicely and ironed. You had borrowed a couple of shirts from him when you would sleepover and had forgotten to give them back to him, but Harry said it was fine for you to keep until he needed them. “Alright, here you go. Don’t need anything else before you leave right?” 

“Actually, if you’re not busy doing anything, do you want to drop me off at the airport? I can call ahead of time and tell them that my driver isn’t going to take me, so we have access to the back,” he said with hopeful eyes. 

“Oh okay, sure,” you smiled softly. 

“Great,” he gave you a big smile before looking down at his phone, and you assumed he was texting Kyle, his driver, that he didn’t need to pick him up anymore. “Okay, I’ll see you at my place? I just have to get my shit.” 

“Okay, race you there! Wait, no, just kidding. Really, drive safe,” you chuckled, and Harry laughed. 

You met Harry at his house which was only about ten minutes from the coffee shop. His car was already in the driveway when you had pulled up, and you just decided to wait outside by your car for him, popping open the trunk. A few minutes later, Harry came out with his duffel bag, locking the door behind him. 

He put his stuff in the trunk before hopping into the passenger seat of your car, and you were off to the airport. 

Traffic was a bit heavy, but you made it just in time for Harry to check in and get settled without having to worry if he was late or not. You had pulled into an underground garage of the airport, and got out of the car as Harry got his stuff out from the trunk. 

“Guess I’ll see you on New Years?” You stood in front of Harry behind your car. He nodded before taking you into your arms. 

“Yeah, I’ll see you then. Let me know if you’re going back home or if you decide to join us,” he said into your ear as he hugged you tightly around your waist. Your arms were looped around his shoulders, giving him a warm squeeze. 

“I will. Have a safe flight, and text me when you land,” you said back into his ear. 

“Always do.” 

Both of you pulled away, but his touch had still lingered on your arm; raking his hand slowly down your arm as he walked away, and you had wished you weren’t wearing a coat with many layers underneath just so you could feel his hand on your bare skin. 

“Don’t miss me too much,” you teased. Harry turned around and smirked; the one that made your stomach do flips. 

“You know I will. Gonna miss me too?” He asked in return. 

“Always do, H. Always do,” you blew a kiss at him, and he caught it, placing his hand on his heart before walking through the doors. 

You sighed as you got into your car before pulling out of the garage and driving back home. 

It may seem a little peculiar on how you two ask towards one another despite him having a girlfriend, but it’s always been like that between you two. It all started when you were at a party right beside Harry, and a few friends of his went up to you two and asked when you two were going to get together. At that time, your heart stopped because you had just figured out that you had feelings for him. But Harry responded with “until she lets me,” and it was meant to tease you, but it had left you in confusion. 

Since then, you two would tease each other and somewhat act like you were together, but it had died down a tad bit ever since he’s gotten a girlfriend. And although Harry is a natural charmer, you two were best friends, so there was a tad bit platonic flirting between you two. 

But you wished that he would see past the best friend line and assistant line. 

31 December 2017 

The cold air from the room had made goosebumps rise onto your skin, although it seemed warm in the room from the crowd that was gathering rather quickly while the music started becoming louder, and chatter and laughs filled the room. 

You were talking with Glenne and observing the people around you at the same time; everyone was wearing their best attire for the new year, and you were as well. You were wearing a red silk dress that hugged you just right as the material in the back dropped to your mid back, showing almost the entirety of your back. You wore nude four inch heels, feeling like the height of your shoe was enough so you weren’t completely struggling to walk throughout the night. And your makeup was sparkling with gold colored eyeshadow and a red lip. You looked hot, and you knew it. 

One of Jeff’s friends had booked a hotel room on the top floor, literally right next to the ball drop, so everyone can just look out the window rather than going outside in the freezing weather. 

It was nice to dress up after being cozied up throughout Christmas. You had decided to go back home after all, buying your plane ticket right when you got home from dropping Harry off at the airport. It was a bit pricey because of the fact that you were buying the ticket a day before the scheduled time the flight is supposed to take off, and considering that it was the holiday season as well. But you had gotten a Christmas bonus unexpectedly, and everything worked out. 

You enjoyed your time with your family and getting to spend a week with them before you had to leave for New York again for New Years. 

You also hadn’t expected to receive a gift from Harry on Christmas morning when your mom was passing gifts out. With a confused expression, you took the big box from your mom’s hands that was wrapped in red and white festive wrapping paper with a bow on it. Once you opened it, you had softly gasped when you saw the items inside; it was all of your favorite things, including some extra items Harry had picked out for himself. He had gotten you a much bigger planner, for the next year, that will help for work, and you smiled, knowing that he had remembered you talking about how much you wanted the planner so badly. The box also contained some of your favorite snacks, little Knick knacks that reminded him of you, and a velvet rectangle box that held a small diamond pendant attached to a thin gold chain. 

It was absolutely stunning, and Harry must’ve spent a lot on it, but he didn’t mind. He thought it was going to look so beautiful on you, and it made you feel special that you were wearing something so meaningful from someone that means so much to you. 

The gold chain sat perfectly on your collarbones, and you hadn’t taken it off ever since you received it; only when you showered, but you put it right back on after. 

The volume of the room had increased, and you turned your head towards the door and found Harry walking in with a bright smile on his face, and of course, Brooke right alongside him with her arm looped with his. 

They looked absolutely stunning together as they walked inside the building as they greeted everyone with big smiles. They radiated perfection and luxury as everyone’s eyes were on them as if they were a piece of art hung up high in the gallery--worthy enough to be looked at. But your eyes were placed on one person in the room, and you so wished you were right beside him instead of her. 

The couple had made their way through the crowd when Harry spotted Jeff in the corner. With Harry leading the two of them with their hands interlocked together, they greeted Jeff and Glenne before Harry let go of Brooke’s hand to give you a hug. 

“Hey, angel,” he smiled, wrapping his arms around your waist as he slightly picked you up off the ground. His hands met the exposed skin of your back and he felt goosebumps rise onto your skin as his cool metal rings touched your skin. 

“Hi, H. How are you?” You asked against his ear and he set you down on your feet before pulling away. 

“Good, good. Missed you.” 

You blushed, “Miss you too. Also, thank you again for your present, it was so thoughtful and lovely.” 

“I’m so happy you liked it. Thank you for yours as well. I love it a lot,” he beamed as he looked down at you. You had given Harry three presents. The first one being a black soft leather journal with his initials engraved in the middle and spine of the journal in gold. The second gift was a manicure set because he recently started to paint his nails, so you wanted him to have all the tools and colors he needed. The third gift was a photo album of his success (you also threw in a couple of you and him). You told him that he can look at it anytime he wants, but it’s just a reminder of how proud you are of him and how far he’s gone; and you would be adding more in the future. It had made him tear up a bit as he found the gifts to be so sweet and sentimental of you. 

“Hi, Brooke,” you greeted with a small smile, and you saw her face beam as she hugged you, but you knew that it was definitely a fake one to put up an act in front of her boyfriend. 

“How are you, girl?! I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever!” She yelled over the loud music. 

“Good, thanks. How are you?” 

“Great! Did you see what Harry got me for Christmas?” She waved her arm out to show you the diamond bracelet that sat on her wrist. It was very beautiful, you had to admit. It was very Brooke, and you were glad Harry didn’t ask you for any help with trying to find her a Christmas present. 

“I’m gonna get another drink,” you excused yourself, not really wanting to be around her much longer as she smirked and tried to flaunt her gift in your face. But you didn’t let it get to you because you truly loved the gifts Harry had gotten you, and it made it extra special because he put so much thought into it. 

You made your way to the bar, downing the remains of your drink before asking the cute bartender for another one. 

“Having fun?” He asked with a smile as he set your drink down onto a black square napkin. 

“Sure, let’s just say that,” you chuckled sarcastically before throwing your head back to take the entire cup of alcohol down your throat. 

“Thanks,” you set the glass down before walking away. 

You wanted to go back to where Glenne was standing, but you had bumped into some friends that you had met through Jeff on your way, so you had to catch up with them and tell them everything that’s going on with you after they told you their whole life story. 

The hours to the new year went by pretty quickly. You ended up hanging out with a few friends and going outside with them to have a smoke. The alcohol and weed had eased you, and you actually had a really fun time with them. The idea of Brooke clinging onto Harry had left your mind and you loosened up, smiling and dancing along with drinking. 

There were five minutes left until midnight, and everyone was gathered next to the window that overlooked Times Square. The volume in the room was loud as everyone screamed and laughed—excited for the new year. 

You were standing next to Harry, and of course Brooke on the other side of him. Glenne and Jeff were on the left of Brooke, and both of the couples had their arms around each other as the only thing you were holding was a glass of tequila as you didn’t have anyone to celebrate the new year with. 

“Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six!” Everyone chanted, and you chuckled, laughing at your loneliness when there were so many people around you. Your eyes watered up, crossing your arms as you looked at the shining lights through the window.

“Five! Four! Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!” The sounds of cheers and party horns erupted in the room as people took each other against their lips. 

You slightly glanced right next to you and saw Harry and Brooke kissing lovingly as she smiled into the kiss, along with Jeff and Glenne. 

You turned away, looking out at the window as you raised your glass. “Cheers,” you whispered to yourself before throwing your head back and consuming your tequila shot. 

Everyone was so consumed in one another that nobody noticed the tears streaming down your face as the loneliness you had felt physically and mentally took over. 

4 January 2018 

Harry was standing on the elevated box in front of a mirror. He was wearing a sparkly pink suit with gold lining on the seams, along with a gold shirt with a pussybow. Harry Lambert was behind up, straightening out the jacket. 

You had sat on the couch of the large private dressing room as you observed. Harry looked at you through the mirror, giving you no emotion. You smiled, but he didn’t smile back; only looking away and taking his attention on the suit. You furrowed your brow, confused as to why he was looking at you like that and so coldly. 

You stood up, walking over to him. “It looks great, H.” 

“Thanks,” he said quickly. 

“Think you can dance in it?” You teased as you smirked, trying to add some sort of lightness to see if his cold looks were accidental. 

“Pretty sure,” his tone was very short, and your smirk fell. 

“Wait right here. Just need to get something really quick for the pants,” Harry Lambert said before walking out of the dressing room. 

There was a moment of silence, and Harry pulled on the suit jacket so it sits nicely on him. By this point, he would’ve asked for your opinion and for some reassurance because sometimes he needs those extra words that tell him it doesn’t look too much or weird on him. But you got silence. 

“Is everything okay?” You asked warily. 

“Yeah.” 

“You sure?” You still weren’t convinced enough. 

“Yes, now can you please stop asking me? Fuck,” He rolled his eyes, voice slightly raised. 

“What is your problem?” Your brows furrowed. 

“What my problem is, is that you won’t leave me the fuck alone nor would you stop talking. I’m just trying to do some fittings, but you wouldn’t stop talking,” he huffed. He didn’t even turn around, just kept looking at himself in the mirror. 

You scoffed, grabbing your bag from off the couch. “Don’t fucking ask me to come with you if you didn’t want me here.” You headed for the exit before turning around at the last second. “And next time, look me in the eye and tell me that shit,” you said before you completely exit the building and head towards your apartment. 

You’ve never been so annoyed before, and that says a lot because you deal with a lot of people from the industry and Brooke. You didn’t know what came over him because he’s never talked to you like that nor has he raised his voice at you. With utter confusion, you sat on your couch, taking off your shoes for the day since you didn’t have any other work to do for the day, and you thought going with him to his fitting was a waste of time if he was going to act all pissy on you. 

Only moments later, you heard a knock on your door, and you immediately knew it was Harry probably coming by to tell you that he was sorry and he didn’t mean to say those words. But words are words and despite not meaning to say them, they still came out meaning that he was thinking it. But since this was Harry, the kindest human you’ve ever met, you opened the door because he’s your best friend and you deserve an apology. 

Huffing, you opened the door to find Harry standing on your doorstep with his head down and a slight frown to his face. Without saying anything, you moved to the side, opening the door wider for him to walk through, which he does. You walk over to the couch and take a seat; Harry sitting on the other side. The fact that you weren’t saying anything was killing him, but he doesn’t blame you. You crossed your arms as you waited for him to say something, and he inhaled deeply before he spoke. 

“I’m sorry for what I said back there. I shouldn’t have taken all my anger out on you because you don’t deserve that whatsoever. You were just trying to make sure I was okay, and I really appreciate that,” he resented himself for acting that way towards you. His eyes were red and he looked quite sad, and you want to know what made him originally feel this way. 

“Why were you so mad to begin with?” You asked curiously, and he sighed as you brushed away his apology. 

“Brooke and I have been fighting--ever since New Years. She claimed that I was always hanging out with you and that I left her at the party to be with you, but that’s not true right? I feel like I barely saw you during the party,” his brows furrowed in confusion. He was right; you barely even hung out with him during New Years because you were some other friends, and the only time you really spoke to him was when he arrived and after the countdown, but that was it. 

“Why is she so…” you trailed off, not wanting to sound so offensive towards his girlfriend. 

“You can say it.” 

“Possessive? Obsessive? Threatened by me? I mean I get that you’re her boyfriend, but I haven’t done anything to trigger that, have I?” You tilted your head as if you were thinking. You were never the one to steal someone’s boyfriend because that wasn’t any of your business; no matter how much you liked that person. But your attitude towards Harry was very much best friend-like. You miss him on days when you don’t see him, you give him big hugs when you reunite, you give each other friendly kisses on the cheek in a way to say ‘thanks,’ but it was never meant to steal him away from her. 

“No, you haven’t. I don’t know… I feel like she’s always had this problem with you because you’re my best friend, but also assistant--the closest person to me. I always tell her that she has nothing to worry about, but she doesn’t trust me for some reason.” 

“I’m sorry, H,” you said, placing your hand on his knee in a way to comfort him. He placed his hand right over yours in a way to say ‘thank you for understanding.’ 

“I should be the one apologizing. You didn’t do anything wrong. I really am sorry for how coldly I acted towards you,” he softly smiled, and you gave him one back. 

“It’s okay. Was it unnecessary? Yes. But it was one time,” you forgave him. 

“You’re the best. But I should get going to finish up the fittings,” he said, standing up from the couch. You stood up, walking him to the door. “I’ll see you?” You nodded, giving him a big hug. He embraced you with both arms as he squeezed tightly before he walked out the door. You figured there was no point in going with him since he only has a couple of suits to try on, so you stayed back. 

About thirty minutes later, your phone vibrated. Seeing Harry’s contact name, you smiled to yourself. 

H: Attachment: 2 images 

How do these look?

You chuckled. He had sent you mirror pictures, holding up a peace sign as he was in a sparkly blue suit. 

My Angel: You look like Cinderella lmao

I love it!

Harry smiled. He was about to text you some silly joke about being Prince Charming while you’re the princess, but he heard a voice at the door, making him stop what he was doing. 

“Hey, babe!” Harry looked up and saw Brooke walk in. His eyes widened as he turned around, and she gave him a kiss. 

“W-What are you doing here?” He asked, confused. 

“Jeff said you’d be here, so I decided to surprise you!” She said cheerfully, holding his hands. 

“O-Oh, I’m very surprised,” he chuckled nervously. He didn’t really know why he was nervous, but possibly the fact that if he hadn’t snapped at you, then you would still be in the room, which would have raised questions and yet another argument with Brooke. 

“I figured after you’re finished, we could get an early dinner and you could come back to my place?” She suggested. “Think we need to talk about some things.” 

“Yeah, that sounds good. I have about two more suits, so you can wait outside-”

“Silly! No, I’ll wait here,” she took a seat on the couch you were just sitting on thirty minutes ago. He nodded without saying anything before he proceeded on to his next suit. 

You looked down at your phone on Harry’s message thread, waiting for his reply. You saw the text bubbles pop up and you smiled, waiting for him to say some corny joke, but they went away. You waited for a moment, so they could pop back up, but they didn’t. So, you shrugged, locking your phone, and wondering if he got caught up in something, so he couldn’t reply. 

1 February 2018

It was Harry’s birthday and the crowd was rolling in. 

He decided he wanted to spend his birthday in Los Angeles since most of his friends are there anyways. Plus, it’s a small get together before the tour starts next month and then he would be all over the place. He wanted a semi small party at his house, nothing too crazy, he just wanted everyone he cares about at the party. Anne and Gemma flew in the day before to join in on the fun, and you were excited to see them because you missed them like crazy. 

“Angel! This party is great! Thank you for keeping it so nice and small,” Harry said, giving you a hug. He also handed you your favorite drink, which is a whiskey on the rocks. 

“I’m happy you like it, birthday boy,” you smiled as you watched everyone gather into his Malibu house. There were about thirty people in total that were on the guest list, only adding people Harry was close to.

“Ah, there’s mum and Gem. Let’s say hi,” he told you, and you excitedly smiled, walking towards the door. 

“Mum!” Harry called out, and Anne’s eyes lightened up. 

“Oh, my baby! Happy birthday, my love,” she kissed his cheeks as he hugged her. 

“Hi, Gems,” he greeted his sister, also giving her a hug. 

“Happy birthday baby brother. One more year and you’ll be a quarter of a century,” she joked, and Harry chuckled. 

“Ha ha, very funny. I’m so happy you guys are-” 

“Y/N? Is that you? Oh my god, come here you!” Anne interrupted Harry once she saw you. Her eyes widened and she was smiling like crazy as you walked towards her, giving her a lovely hug. “Oh, darling. It’s been a while since I saw you!” 

“Yeah, it really has been. You both still look so amazing,” you said, giving Gemma a hug. 

“Please, you’re too sweet to us. How have you been? Don’t want to quit just yet because of this one?” Anne joked, nudging Harry as he playfully rolled his eyes. 

“Heyyy,” his brows furrowed, and Anne pinched his cheek. 

“I’ve been good. And not yet. Give me about five months and we’ll get back to this conversation,” you joked back, looking at Harry to see him frowning. You looped your arm around his waist, giving him a hug, and he stopped frowning; his face turning into a small smirk. 

“Let’s definitely catch up later. I’m going to say hi to Jeff and Glenne. Be right back,” Anne said before walking through the crowd, Gemma following her. 

You and Harry were alone again as you two sipped on your drinks. Some people said hi to them, but not making conversation for too long as they wanted to get another drink or food. 

“Is Brooke here? Haven’t seen her,” you asked curiously. Harry’s face dropped, and you looked at him confusingly. 

“Oh, fuck,” he pinched the top of his nose as he looked down, shaking his head. 

“What?” 

“I totally forgot she was coming,” he said, and you fought the urge to laugh. 

“How did you forget your own girlfriend?” 

“I don’t know--I was just so focused on the tour and this party that it slipped my mind that she was coming,” he sighed. 

“Oh okay. What’s so bad about her being here?” You wondered. 

“That means she’s gonna meet mum and Gem.” Your mouth formed an ‘o’ as if realization struck you, and Harry nodded his head as if he was saying ‘yeah, that’s why.’ 

“Better prepare for that because I could already hear her laugh,” you placed your hand on his shoulder, patting it. Harry took a deep breath and downed the rest of his drink before he walked over to the entrance. You chuckled as he did so as you found it amusing that he had to do that to deal with her. 

After you heard her squeal, which meant that Harry had gone up to her already. You started walking towards the entrance door, and you saw them hugging; she then started jumping and kissing him, whispering into his ear and biting her lip as he gave her a smirk. 

As you watched from the sidelines, your heart started to ache. You wished that it was you instead of her. You wished you could whisper all things sweet and dirty into his ear as he looked at you with a smirk before biting his lip. You wanted him to give you the same smile he gave her, although you were starting to see less and less of that smile. You wanted what she had. 

But you would never get that. 

“Hey, you,” Gemma sneaked you from behind you, causing you to slightly jump. “Sorry,” she chuckled. 

“It’s okay. What’s up?” You smiled, trying to hide the pain in your eyes. 

“You’re not going to tell him, huh?” 

“Tell who what?” You raised your eyebrows, pretending to be oblivious. Gemma gave you a knowing look as she raised her eyebrows. 

“You know what. Not gonna tell him at all?” You sighed, shrugging your shoulders as you turned your head back to them. They were posing for some pictures with their arms around each other’s waists. They took a couple: smiling ones, funny ones, and even a kissing one. You turned your head back to Gemma once they started to kiss for a picture, and she softly smiled at you. 

“There’s no point. He’s with Brooke, and it’s not like he’s ever going to like me or get with me,” you sadly explained. Gemma looked at you as if you were totally wrong. “If he’s happy with Brooke, then why would I ruin that for him because of my selfish reasons?” 

“It’s not selfish for wanting to tell someone you love-”

“I don’t love him,” you immediately interrupted. 

“Y/N…c’mon,” she raised her eyebrows, knowing you’re completely wrong. 

“Okay…” you sighed in defeat, and she chuckled, continuing what she was saying. 

“You’ve known him for what, two years? That man makes sure you’re a priority. He makes sure you’re happy. If you could hear the stories he tells us and how he talks about you, you would think otherwise,” she stated before taking a sip of her drink. 

You stay quiet for a moment and think. Was there any way that Harry could have possibly liked you? There’s no way. You hadn’t noticed anything different about his behavior in the past two years you’ve known and worked for him. So, there was no way he could’ve liked you. And you know you’re only telling yourself that now, so you don’t lose your shit at his birthday party. 

“W-What does he say about me?” 

“Maybe you’ll know some time in the future if you tell him,” she challenged, and you rolled your eyes, causing Gemma to laugh. 

After Harry and Brooke managed to get away from the entrance, you and Gemma saw them walking towards you both. 

“Y/N, hi!” She greeted you with a not so surprising high pitched tone; only because Harry is right next to her. She also gave you a hug, which you only put in half the effort like always. Harry smiled at both of you, and she let go. 

“Gems, where’s mum?” He asked his sister. 

“Think she might be in the back,” she replied, looking at Brooke for a brief moment before looking back at Harry. 

“This is Brooke,” he introduced his girlfriend. 

“Hi! It’s so nice to finally meet you,” Brooke said with a big smile on her face, giving Gemma a hug. Polite as Gemma is, she hugged back. 

“You too,” Gemma simply said. 

“Should we go to the back and find mum? Brooke wants to meet her,” Harry asked, and Gemma nodded before walking towards the backyard. 

You stayed back, realizing that you weren’t needed and you didn’t have any business following them for Brooke to meet Anne. So, you walked over to the kitchen to grab a plate of cheese and crackers. Since the kitchen was right next to the large doors that led to the backyard, you looked up and saw Brooke jumping up and down slightly as she greeted Anne with a hug. You saw Anne smiling, hugging her back before they pulled away and started talking. Harry looked at them so fondly as they spoke. 

“Hey,” a voice next to you had startled you, making you slightly jump, taking your attention away from what’s happening in the backyard. Luckily, not dropping any of your food. 

“Hi,” you said back to the man you don’t know. 

“I’m Alex. One of Jeff’s friends. I don’t believe we’ve met yet,” he shook your hand, smiling. 

“I don’t think we have. I’m Y/N,” you nicely said back. 

“So, how do you know Harry?” He asked, grabbing a grape. 

“I’m his assistant, and best friend.” 

“Oh, shit! Special person I’m talking to, right here,” he smirked. Alex was cute and very attractive, but it wasn’t the same kind of smirk that you’ve been in love with for two years. 

“Hardly,” you scoffed before giving him a small smile as a way to tell him you’re somewhat joking. 

“Hey, don’t sell yourself short. By any chance, you want to go somewhere to sit and talk?” He proposed hopefully. It wasn’t a bad idea whatsoever. You needed to make new friends and possibly make some new connections. You also didn’t want to depend on Harry all the time when you wanted to talk to someone because he’s busy, and his girlfriend doesn’t like you. So, you nodded. 

“Yeah, I’d like that.” He smiled, leading you to a more quiet area of the house, which was the sitting area. 

Meanwhile as you were chatting with Alex, Harry watched Brooke interact with Anne with a smile, but he still felt a weird feeling in his chest, like he’s happy about it, but he’s still wary. He brushed that feeling off, looking around and wondering where you were--if you’re having a great time. He turned his head towards the kitchen, and saw you talking to Alex. Smiles were placed on both your faces, and Harry frowned. He knew Alex was charming him up because that’s what he does. Alex technically wasn’t a bad guy, and Harry’s known him for a few years. He was nice, attractive, and can charm the shit out of someone just like Harry. But the sight and thought of seeing him actually charm you did not sit well with him. It really didn’t sit well once he saw you following him out of the kitchen. 

Harry took deep breaths, trying not to let the thought of you possibly enjoying hanging out with Alex as he carried on with his birthday night. 

6 February 2018

A deep sigh was let out once you sat in your seat on the plane. 

It was cold in Los Angeles and you knew the flight back to New York was going to be a bumpy one considering the weather in both cities, so you dressed comfortably, wearing grey sweatpants, a black sweatshirt, and some white sneakers. Your headphones had been plugged into your ears ever since you were cleared at TSA. 

As you got comfortable in your seat, Harry sat next to you, sighing. You obviously didn’t hear it because your headphones were in, but you definitely heard it the second time when he did it louder. You didn’t do anything, just browse on your phone until he dramatically sighed again, even louder this time. 

“What?” You said, taking your headphones out. 

“Why are you ignoring me?” He immediately asked, and your brows furrowed. 

“Ignoring you? Why would you think that?” 

“Well, for starters, you haven’t really spoken to me since my birthday. What’s up with that?” 

“Well, I didn’t really have to, did I?” There was no reason for your somewhat sarcastic tone and it’s not like you weren’t mad at him or anything, but you were exhausted from flying back and forth, plus doing your job. It’s not like you were ungrateful, but sometimes, you just needed a break, and that included, not talking to anyone. 

“You could’ve just answered my texts saying you were okay and that you weren’t going to be on your phone,” he scoffed, and you knew he was right. You were about to say you were sorry until he muttered something else. “Too busy with Alex, I see.” 

“What?” You asked in disbelief, knowing he said what you heard, but wanted to clarify. 

“You were, right?”

“What does this have to do with Alex?” You were starting to grow frustrated. 

“I mean, I saw you two at my party, and you two left together and stuff. So, you were probably busy for the entire week,” he said casually, scrolling through his phone as if you weren’t fuming right next to him. 

“It was one night-”

“Are you saying you had sex with him?” He turned his head towards you with raised eyebrows. He had this look on his face that told you he knew everything, but he just wanted to hear you say it. So, you did. 

“Yeah. So what if I fucked him? Is there something wrong with that? Didn’t get a little birthday sex? Don’t worry, I had some for you!” You tried containing your yells, but it came out like a loud whisper. Luckily there weren’t that many people on the plane; only the people who flew first class. 

It was true. When Alex had suggested talking, you found out that he was a very nice and funny guy. The night was getting late, and you said you were going to head home (which was a hotel), so he offered to drive you since you took an Uber, and that led to you inviting him up to your room and him gladly saying yes. It all happened so quick. You had immediately kissed him once you closed the door, and that led to him taking both of your clothes off before he fucked you. It was average sex, but you had fun considering that it’s been a while since you’ve had someone fuck you. That morning he left, telling you to text him, but you hadn’t and you don’t know if you will.

Harry stayed quiet, looking back down at his phone, and you shook your head, sitting correctly, and looking out the window, knowing that this was going to be a long flight. 

Just as you knew, the ride was bumpy, raising your fear and anxiety as you held onto yourself for dear life. You turned your music up, put your hands into your sweater, and crossed your arms in a way to calm you down and feel like someone is holding onto you. You closed your eyes, trying to focus on the songs until you felt a hand on your arm. You opened your hands, and saw Harry with his eyes closed, but you knew he wasn’t sleeping. He had always held your hand when you two would fly together and there was turbulence. It was something he did that made you feel safe and comfortable during the flight. 

You smiled softly, taking his hand in with your as you shifted closer to his seat despite the middle console in between you two. For the rest of the flight, you weren’t as scared. 

Once you two landed, Harry’s driver was immediately outside in the designated area, and you two were taken back to your place before there was any cause of commotion at the airport. Harry helped you with your bags, walking to your front door. 

“Hey, I’m sorry for everything on the plane,” he said as you looked for your keys in your purse. 

“It’s okay. I’m sorry too--for not replying to you and for snapping at you on the plane as well,” you said back. “Can I just ask why you were so...angry I was with Alex?” You wondered. 

“I…uh,” he stumbled over his words, trying to find the right thing to say without it coming out like he was a jealous prick. “Just...Alex is known for charming the shit out of you, so he could sleep with you, but seeing as you already slept with him…” 

“Harry, isn’t it my job to decide who I can and can’t sleep with? I get that you want to look out for me, but just let me decide that, alright?” You said softly, and he nodded. 

“Think I was jealous,” he blurted out, and he immediately closed his mouth and widened his eyes once he said that because he really didn’t mean to. 

“W-Why?” You looked at him concerningly, and Harry took a deep breath because now he had make up an answer because god knows what the truth is. 

He took a step forward, looking at you so intently. You felt like he was staring you down, but you didn’t look away as you were so lost in his eyes that it physically made it difficult to even glance the other way.

Next thing you knew, he was inches away from you, glancing down to your lips and back up to your eyes. You held your breath as you looked up at him, looking extra close at the pinkness of his lips. Your chests were pressed so close against one another that you were sure he could feel your heart pounding through his. It was so loud that it rang through your ears—so loud you couldn’t hear anything else except for the constant chanting in your head screaming ’Harry, Harry, Harry.’ It was Harry that you wanted to kiss so badly. It was Harry who’s lips you could touch in an instant if you were to just lift your feet. It was Harry. It always has been. 

But you couldn’t.

Brooke.

You immediately stepped away from him as your eyes looked down, finally away from Harry. “I’m sorry-”

“No, I’m sorry-”

“Because Brooke, and-”

“Yeah…” 

You nodded, not sure what to do next, but seeing as you were still outside of your door, you finally got your keys out, and unlocked it. 

“Well, I’ll see you.” 

“Yeah, I’ll text you,” he said as he started walking backwards away from your apartment. 

You nodded. “Yup. Bye.” He waved, turning around and walking down the hall. 

Walking into your space and bringing your luggage in, you sighed as you closed the door. It was completely silent as your mind was racing and your heart was beating. 

What the fuck just happened and what the fuck was that?

3 March 2018

The first show of Harry’s tour was kicking off, and you were excited for him. He was slightly nervous and jittery, but that was expected. 

The ‘moment’ you two had when you came back from Los Angeles after your birthday was past you two. Although, you still think about it way too often, Harry seemed like he didn’t want to talk about it, so you respected that and didn’t bring it up. Besides, what was there to talk about anyways?

The first show started in Basel, Switzerland and you were very stoked. You’ve never been to any of the countries he’s going to play in besides London and some cities in the states, so it was going to be an adventure for you. For his very first tour that included small venues, you rarely went to any of the shows, so to say you were excited was an understatement. 

You were with Harry Lambert, looking at the first show suit in the stylist room. It was a Gucci black sparkly suit with gems on the lapel. You hadn’t seen this particular suit on him yet because you weren’t at the fitting the day he tried it on, but you absolutely loved it. It gave everyone just a hint of what the rest of the suits for the tour will look like. 

“Har—oh,” Brooke had entered the room, assumingly looking for Harry, but was disappointed when she saw you. “Have you seen Harry?” 

“Uh, I haven’t. He might be out on the stage,” you said honestly, and she nodded, turning around. But before she could exit the room, you called her, “Hey, Brooke.” She turned around, rolling her eyes. “I just kind of want to mend things between us. I feel like there has always been some sort of tension ever since we met, and seeing that you’ve been around for long and might be around for even longer, we should be civil towards one another.” 

“Well, obviously there has been. You’re trying to steal my boyfriend,” she said straightforwardly, and you raised your eyebrows, looking at Lambert. He was looking at Brooke with a not so friendly look, knowing that you would never do that despite knowing that you were in love with him. “I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again. You will never get Harry. He’s in love with me, not you. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re trying to do. You will never be enough for him because you’re just his assistant. That’s all you are to him. Don’t think you’re more than that, okay?” She said with a smile, and you bit your lip, not wanting to argue with her. 

There was something about her words that really got to you, and you think that’s because she’s actually dating Harry and has managed to weave her way into his heart.

“I’d hate to continuingly have to tell you this, but I think the first time was enough, right? Now you’ve made me tell you twice,” she continued as she scoffed. “Anyways, I need to go find my boyfriend,” she turned around but suddenly stumbled back as she was met with Harry. “Oh, Harry. I was just looking-”

“Don’t even speak right now,” his eyes were dark and he was angry. 

It wasn’t like you to see Harry so often considering that he sometimes deals with rude fans and pushy paps, but he was mad. 

“I-”

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? Trying to degrade my best friend and assistant?” 

“Har-”

“We need to talk,” he told her, leaving the room. She turned around to look at you with sad eyes, but you simply couldn’t help her, not like you would anyways. She followed him, and the room was left with a weird tension that needed to be cut with a knife.

“Well, wasn’t that interesting,” Lambert said. 

After about thirty minutes, Harry walked back into the room. He stayed complete silent and started undressing to get into his suit since there was thirty minutes left until he had to go on. You and Lambert looked at each other, not knowing if you two should say anything, but decided to keep your mouths shut and let him get ready. 

Once he was dressed, he thanked Lambert and walked out of the room; once again with the same tension being in the air. You walked out as well as you debated whether or not to talk to him, but you saw him and the band gathering together, so you figured you could just talk to him after. 

The show had finally started, and the band was going out on stage. The crowd was roaring like crazy as the anticipation of seeing Harry was finally coming to an end. Once the band was fully equipped, Harry started to climb up the stairs. Around the stage it was dark as the beginning of ‘Only Angel’ started to play. You turned on your flashlight on your phone, and called out for him.

“Harry!” He turned around, holding the railings of the stairs, and his expression was normal; no smile or anything.  “Goodluck out there!” Once you had said that, the corners of his lips turned up as his mouth turned into a soft smirk. 

“Thanks, angel,” he said before pointing up as a way to say ‘listen to the song.’ “This is for you,” he quickly told you, running up the stairs and to the stage before the big circular screen rose up. 

You watched the rest of the show from the side of the stage, not too far away from the front of the pit. He was spectacular on stage; he truly belonged there. He charmed the crowd, made them laugh, scream, cry, and dance their hearts out for an hour and a half, and you were truly amazed. The atmosphere of the venue was insane, loving every second of it. 

Once he finished with ‘Kiwi,’ he said his goodnights to Switzerland before running off the stage and meeting the band, talking about how crazy and fun the first show was. He told everyone that it’s only going to get better from here, and everyone nodded and high fived excitedly. 

After a few minutes, Harry walked to his dressing room to cool off, and you followed behind him. It may seem as clingy, but you were concerned for your best friend. A lot went down with Brooke in just a few minutes, and you wanted to know if he was okay, despite not showing any signs of sadness or anger on stage. 

You knocked on his dressing room door and opened it before you heard ‘come in.’ Harry looked up, and saw you peek your head through the door, and he gestured you to come in all the way, which you did. 

“That was an amazing show, H,” you complimented. 

“You watched?” He asked surprisingly. 

“Yeah, didn’t miss a moment. I was on the side of the stage.” 

“Oh, well. Thank you,” he said. 

There was a moment of silence as you tried to form your words on how to go about talking to him about what had happened before the show. 

“I-I just wanted to ask if you were okay?” You started. He took a seat on his couch as you stayed standing up in front of him. “I’m sorry for what happened before the-”

“Why are you saying sorry?” He asked, looking up at you as if he was genuinely asking. 

“I...I don’t know what happened with Brooke, but if something did happen then I’m sorry,” you nervously. The only reason why you were so nervous was because you hoped that he didn’t get mad at you for whatever happened with her. 

“You didn’t do anything, angel. You did nothing wrong at all,” he sighed, and you stayed quiet as there was definitely more of what he wanted to say. “But I did break up with her.” Your brows raised at that, and you fought the urge to jump and cheer. 

“Y-You did?” 

“Yeah. I kind of wanted to a few weeks ago, but I never got the chance to. But before the show, she gave me another perfectly good reason why we shouldn’t be together, so I ended it.” There wasn’t a hint of sadness on his face as he told you. 

“What were the other reasons?” You hadn’t known that he wanted to break up with her before the events that happened today. You would expect him to talk to you about it, but you weren’t hurt by it. 

“I…” he cut himself off, and you waited patiently to see if he was going to say something. After a few more seconds, you saw him debate with himself to see if he actually wanted to tell you, and you wondered if he trusted in that sense; to talk to you and tell you things that were on his mind, but you didn’t want to get into it with him. 

“Are you okay?” You asked instead, truly wanting to make sure. 

“I should be asking you that.” 

“No-”

“Angel, c’mon. Behind closed doors, I didn’t know half the shit she was saying to you. I told her to fess up everything she’s done to you, and she did. Let me tell you, I was not happy at all that you had to deal with that without me knowing. And that fact that she lied to me about asking you to hang out and pretending to be nice to you--no wonder why you didn’t want to hang out with her.” 

The first time you had hung out with her was when you had to pick up some lunch and dry clean for Harry. They had only been dating for two months, so you thought it was best to get to know her since you were Harry’s best friend. You asked if Brooke wanted to go, and she hesitantly said sure, but when Harry thought that was a great idea, she perked up to it and said yes. When you two were in line for lunch she had asked you the basics of your job before rudely interrupting you and telling you that she knew that you were in love with him. Before you could even deny, she wasn’t having it and told you that you weren’t good enough for him and that you were only hired because you were Glenne’s friend. You were quite devastated after that and you faced Harry everyday with a smile on your face, but with the lingering thought of her words in the back of your mind. 

“Yeah, she wasn’t my particular number one person to hang out with,” you said sadly, and Harry sighed, standing up. He walked closer to you, and it felt like that time when you got home from the airport, and placed his hands on your shoulders. 

“Her talking shit about you was the last straw. Can’t have anyone talk to you like that, ever,” he said while looking into your eyes as if he was trying to convince you. 

“I am really sorry that you had to go through a break up though--especially on your first night of tour. Plus, it was your first serious relationship you’ve had in a while,” you felt bad because no one should go through the pain of a breakup. 

“It’s alright. Wasn’t in love with her like she said--didn’t even say those words to her. And it was her idea of wanting to meet my family. I was still wary about it, but that was one of the subjects for most of our arguments,” he sighed. “But I’m gonna be much happier without her. Felt like I was always stressed out around her,” he chuckled, causing you to as well. “But if anyone that I know talks to you like that ever again, please don’t hide that from me. I hate knowing that you were taking all of that shit, especially for months.” You nodded your head and he gave you a smile. 

He pulled you in for a hug and you wrapped your arms around his waist, resting your head on his chest. You two stayed like that for a moment as you both felt like it’s been a while since you two has had one of these hugs. All thoughts and worries flew out of your head--not thinking about when the next time you’ll have one of these types of hugs again, and you felt safe in his arms. 

And you cherished it. 

30 March 2018

Tour was going by rather quickly as the first ten shows were already done with. 

You were able to see some beautiful sightings of the countries with Lambert and some of the band, and throughout that time, you had wished Harry was with you all, but for obvious reasons, he couldn’t be out in public so casually. 

Everything you’ve seen was so beautiful and your jaw dropped everytime you would look at a tall and high building, or the skyline of the entire city. You were quite amazed. 

Now, everyone was in Barcelona, and it was by far one of your favorite cities that you’ve visited. You loved the atmosphere and the ambiance that walking through the streets of Spain had placed a beaming grin onto your face. You were only staying for a couple of days before everyone had to pack up and head to Madrid, but you made sure to snap a mental and physical photo to remember your time in Spain. 

But rather than spending your day on the streets, roaming around the beautiful city, you were currently looking for Harry because Lambert was also looking for him, and of course, you decided to help find him. You pretty much checked every room backstage besides the bathroom, and you didn’t really think to check the restroom, but he might be in there, so you made your way towards it. 

“Oh! Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to barge in,” you said once you entered the restroom. 

The sight before you had made you sweat. A series of butterflies made its appearance in your stomach, making your hands shake. The slightest bit of air from swinging the door open had made chills rise onto your skin, but you knew that it was because of the beautiful man in front of you. 

You had walked in on Helene taking pictures of Harry, possibly so he could post them on Instagram. But he was candidly looking into the mirror as he sprayed on his Tom Ford Tobacco Vanille cologne; the one that you had picked up for him multiple times, and the one that you think smells amazing, specifically on him. He strutted around like it was made for him, and it was honestly your favorite scent. His suit was a custom Palomo black and white checkered sequined suit that just looked fucking good on him. 

“No worries, sweetheart. Just about finished. He’s all yours,” she winked at you before heading out of the bathroom. 

“What’s up, angel?” 

“Just wanted to tell you that Lambert is looking for you. Said he needed to fix up a stitch really quick before you go on stage,” you said, not meeting his eyes. 

“Is that all?” He asked, sensing your nerves, and he knew that it was possibly from walking in on him, doing a mini photoshoot because he knew he looked good. 

You gulped, “Y-Yeah.”

“You don’t sound too sure,” he challenged, walking closer to you, but not too close as there was a bit of space between you two. 

“Uh-”

“Tell me,” he shifted even closer, making you nervous. You didn’t know where the sudden outbreak of him being somewhat flirtatious as he demanded you to tell him came from, but the sound of his raspy and deep voice, and the way he was looking was making you act up as you were about to confess your feelings towards him. 

You figured it was time as you felt like he sensed that kind of vibe from you, plus Brooke mentioning that you were in love with him, which you think you’re pretty sure he heard, but you’re wondering why he hasn’t 

“I-I want to tell you something, and this may potentially ruin things between us, but-”

“There you are!” The sound of someone else’s voice in the room and the banging of the room had interrupted you, and you and Harry stepped back from one another. “Everything okay here?” Lambert asked, looking at both of you and practically feeling the tension. Once you two nodded, not looking at each other, he looked at you both suspiciously before continuing. “Anyways, come with me. I need to fix something,” Lambert walked out of the restroom as Harry followed him, not giving you another look. 

You turned around to look in the mirror, sighing to yourself as you shook your head. 

Well, guess that’s not happening right now, you thought. 

Watching Harry up on stage was something you would never get used to. You made sure to never miss a show as you watched from the side, and since he knows where you stand during the show, he always makes sure to go to that side of the stage and wave to you. But seeing him on stage was different every night. His performances and conversations with the crowd were always different and that’s what made them and him so entertaining. 

Once the show was over, he made his way off the stage and to the dressing room. He talked a bit with the band, as they always did right when the show ends, to talk about their favorite moments and which songs they needed to work on for rehearsals. After that, Harry walked to his dressing room and you would follow every single time. 

“Another great show, H. Never get tired of watching you,” you said once you entered the dressing room.

“Thanks, angel. Always feel like I’m on a high when I’m trying to cool down, like I just have so much energy to perform another hour,” he chuckled, wiping some sweat off his forehead. 

“That must be exhilarating--being up there every night for your fans,” you walked towards him to stand in front of him as he leaned on the table of the vanity. 

“Yeah, it really is,” he smiled. He pulled your arm towards him and wrapped his arms around your waist, giving you a hug. You were surprised by the sudden affection, but Harry was an affectionate type of guy, and really, you didn’t mind being close to him. Plus, he seemed extra needy since he recently just broke up with someone. “Thank you for being here.”

“Of course, Harry. Always going to be here for you,” you said against his ear as your arms were around his shoulders. 

“And I’m always going to be here for you,” he said back. 

For a moment, it was just this--hugging him as he cooled down in your arms, and you liked it...a lot. But when you pulled back, you didn’t pull back completely and it made you face to face with him, literally inches away from each other. You two looked at each other in the eye, glancing your eyes to his lips and back up to his eyes. The only thing you thought was: I really want to fucking kiss him right now. 

And it seemed like he did as well because he crashed his lips with yours, molding them together as your arms were wrapped around one another. It was everything you expected as you dreamed of his lips on yours quite often, and you absolutely loved it. He felt like a drug, like all of your pain and worries went away once his lips touched yours, and you were addicted. You wanted so much more. 

Your tongue makes its way in his mouth, meeting his, and he swirled it with his before lightly sucking on it. Your teeth found a way to bite his bottom lip and he let out a groan. He pulled back for a bit, looking at you before kissing you again. 

“God, been wanting you for so long,” he groaned, and you felt butterflies in your stomach, trying not to take his words literally as to keeping your hopes down. But little did you know that his words were serious. “Can I touch you?” He whispered in between kisses. 

You nodded, whispering out, “Please.” Harry’s stomach did flips once you gave him consent, and his hands trailed down your body. Luckily, you were wearing a simple dress with straps, so it was easier. He bunched up your dress up to your hips, and you held it up with your arm before touching you over your panties, feeling a wet spot over the fabric. 

“Practically drenched. It’s for me, right?” He muttered, wrapping his free arm around your waist so you were closer. 

“Yes. Always going to be for you,” you moaned as his hand continuously rubbed you and he smirked. Your words had completely slipped out, but it was the truth. 

“Can I take them off?” He asked, and you nodded your head before he slid your drench underwear down your legs and you kicked them off to the side somewhere in his dressing room. You molded your lips with his again and grabbed a fistful of his curly hair, causing him to kiss you even harder. 

Harry then started roaming his hands around your thighs, going to ass and squeezing the flesh, and you moan against his mouth. His hand moves up and to your stomach before trailing down to your hot core. He took his fingers and swiped up your slit, making you groan from the feeling of his hands. 

“Fuck, you’re so wet,” he whispered before touching your clit and rubbing it. He buried his face in your neck to kiss, suck, and nibble on your skin, and that feeling made you throw your head back as his hands rubbed you and mouth kissed you. The feeling was indescribable, but it was Harry. 

You felt his fingers slip inside of you, starting off with one finger before pumping in and out of you. He then added another finger as he curled them in an inward motion and brushed his fingertips against the soft upper area of your pussy. 

“Shit, that feels so good. So, so good, H,” you groaned out. Harry took the straps of your dress off your shoulders, and kissed your chest where the gold chain he had gifted you rested. He pulled on the front of your dress to expose your tits, and his mouth immediately wrapped around your hard nipples, sucking them and pulling on them before releasing them with a pop. Your grip on Harry’s hair tightened as you felt like you were going to rip out his hair from the way you’re feeling. “Add another,” you whimpered out. 

“Another finger?” He looked at you with wide eyes, but all he saw was your eyes closed and head being thrown back; and you nodded. He added his pinky finger in with his ring and middle finger, trying his best to curl them up into you, but the snugness of your hole was challenging him. “Fuck, you’re so tight. Practically squeezing my fingers,” he said, kissing your neck. 

His words and fingers had gotten you to the edge, and you were minutes away from releasing around him. He saw you bite your lip and take deep breaths, and he knew you were close. 

“C’mon, angel baby. Let go for me, yeah? Know you’re close,” he thrusted his fingers deep into you, and that was when you hit your peak. With loud moans, you jolted around his fingers, riding your high out as Harry continuously pressed kisses to your chest and neck. He took his hand, sticking one of his fingers in your mouth, and you swirled your tongue around his finger that was covered in your orgasm, and moaned. He took the other two fingers, and placed them in his own mouth, tasting yourself on his fingers. “Taste so good,” he smirked, kissing your forehead, and you leaned your head on his shoulders to take a breather.

Once you calmed down, you turned your head to kiss his neck, sucking on his skin to calm your breathing down, and Harry hissed. His hands ran through your hair and all the way down to your back, soothing you. After a minute or two, you lifted your head up, meeting his eye before you kissed him, deeply. You two made out for a while you unbuttoned his black shirt, and you pulled away from his lips to kiss down his torso until you were on your knees. Harry was hard as rock in his pants and desperately needed some release that he could possibly come any minute with how you’re kissing him. 

His entire suit was still on and he went to take his jacket off, but you stopped him. 

“Keep it on,” you looked up at him as you told him so before proceeding to kiss down his stomach. He put his arms down, and gripped and sat on the edge of the desk. You got to the hem of his pants and looked up at him, giving him a sight to die for. “Can I take these off?” 

He looked down at you, smirking before nodding his head. “Please, take it all off,” he gave your cheek a stroke with his thumb, and you smiled looking back down to his pants to unbutton it, pulling down his trousers to his ankles, you saw his bulge, and smirked before you kissed over his underwear. Harry took a deep breath in as you palmed him before grabbing the hem of his briefs and pulling it down, his dick springing up as Harry’s shoulder relaxed from the lack of restraint. 

“Fuck, you’re so big,” you said, grabbing his dick. You knew very well that he was well endowed because of the many times you’ve seen him get hard on stage, and also from that moment when you walked in on him in Brooke’s mouth had confirmed it, but seeing it up close was unreal. You licked your hand and grabbed his cock before looking up at him. “What do you want me to do, Harry?” Your voice asked seductively. He was completely under your spell as his breaths were staggered while you stroked him. 

“Anything you want,” he breathed out. You smirked at the state he was in at the moment, and you loved every second of it. 

You put your mouth around his tip, sucking it lightly, and that caused Harry’s breath to hitch in his throat. You took more of him in your mouth as you relaxed your jaw. He was bigger than the guys you’ve fucked and you really hoped you were doing a good job for him because you wanted him to feel good. You hollowed your cheeks in and sucked hard, slicking your tongue on the underside of his cock. 

“Feels so good, angel baby,” he moaned, throwing his head back. He was already embarrassingly close, but he wanted to feel you more, so he tangled his fingers in your hair, getting a gentle but steady grip, and started guiding your head up and down his cock. You let him take control for the time being because honestly, you loved hearing the sounds of his moans start to progress. “That’s it,” he muttered under his breath once he felt the back of your throat. 

You placed your hands on his thighs, gripping his skin harshly so that your nails dug into it, and he hissed, but the pain felt so good to him. After a few more pushes to your head, you pushed on his thighs so he could release you, and when you did that he knew that he was done being in control. You grabbed his cock that was slick from your mouth, and you loved your head down so you could take his balls in your mouth. More of the beautiful sounds coming from his mouth came out more loudly as you sucked until he finally said the words. 

“Gonna cum, angel. Gonna fuckin’ cum,” he moaned. You saw his knuckles practically turn white as he gripped the desk hard. You loved your head back up to place the tip in your mouth as you fondled with his balls before he spurts his come in your mouth. “Such a fuckin’ good girl,” he said as you swallowed. 

You kissed back up his stomach and to his neck before meeting his lips again. He tasted himself on your tongue, and you were a good mix with him. You two pulled back from one another, looking at each other before you both started giggling—post orgasm haze. 

“Jeez, such an angel, but that mouth of yours is sinful.”

5 June 2018 

The rest of the Europe, Australia, and Asia leg went by, and you were back in the states for the first show of the US leg. 

Ever since the dressing room escapade, you and Harry had been acting differently towards each other. There weren’t anymore sexual acts, but there was a lot more affection. Sadly, not any kisses to the lips, but kisses to the cheek and forehead were made, and they were welcomed and given. He would always put an arm around your shoulder when you two were walking, and there was the occasional cuddle in his hotel room before or after the show. It was definitely different, but you enjoyed it. 

What you didn’t enjoy was the fact that you hadn’t told him you liked him. You were sure he had an idea, but you wanted to say it out loud to get it off your chest. You also didn’t know if he felt that way towards you whatsoever, and that thought scared you. Just because of what happened in the dressing room didn’t necessarily mean he had feelings for you. The thought of him just leading you on and messing with you feelings made your heart sink when you think about it, and you really hoped it wouldn't get to that point. 

Tonight was the Dallas show, and Harry wore an Alexander McQueen embroidered pink floral suit. As always, he looked amazing. But your favorite was the Barcelona suit, and you might be a bit biased on that given the events that happened in that particular suit. You chuckled to yourself as you followed Jeff and Glenne to your seats. 

You decided to watch the show with them in the reserved seats in the lower level of the arena, and it was a change from the side of the stage, but you could really see more from the seats. Once you got to your seats, Harry had already finished up with ‘Only Angel’ and was moving on to ‘Woman,’ but a familiar man had caught your eye. 

“Alex?” You called out through the music. 

“Y/N! It’s so great seeing you!” He said, giving you a hug. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“Jeff and Harry invited me! Haven’t seen Harry perform since last year, so they reserved me a seat,” his face was close to your ear, so you could understand him better through the loudness of the crowd and the bass of the music. 

“Ah, well I’m glad you’re here! It’s been a while,” you said completely innocently, and he nodded, smiling before turning his head to watch Harry on stage. In all honesty, the thought of Alex slipped your mind because your head was constantly thinking about Harry as it always does. 

For the rest of the show, he was amazing. The crowd was wild as always, and he absolutely looked so cute in his suit. Your favorite part was when someone threw a rainbow sequined cowboy hot on stage, and he picked it up to wear it. It was a look, to be honest. 

Before the band said their goodbyes to the crowd, the four of you headed backstage, so there wasn’t any delay with everyone trying to leave at the same time. As you were walking, you were walking next to Alex as Jeff and Glenne walked in front of you two. 

“Hey, I was thinking. Maybe we should get dinner tonight? Y’know, to catch up? I know some places that are still open,” he suggested, and you liked the idea. 

“Yeah, sure. Sounds good,” you said, smiling back. 

The four of you met with the band as they laughed and talked about the show. You met Harry, giving him a hug as you told him that he did amazing out there. He hugged you back tightly, telling you thank you. 

“C’mon,” he said, taking your hand as he wanted to go to his dressing room as you always did after his shows. 

“Oh, uh, actually,” you pulled your hand back, causing him to stop walking. “I’m going out to dinner with Alex…” you said nervously, and he raised his eyebrows, looking down the hall and noticing Alex talking to Adam. 

“Oh okay, yeah. Go ahead,” he let go of your hand, completely dropping it from his as his face dropped. In that moment, you wished you didn’t say yes to Alex and went with Harry to his dressing room. This would be the first time you were going to miss out on dressing room chats as he calmed down from his energetic state from being on stage. It would be the first time you weren’t going back to the hotel with him while holding his hand in the car and up to your rooms. 

“Hey,” Alex caught up to you, not feeling the tension between you and Harry. “Ready to go?” You looked up at him briefly, placing a fake smile on your face before looking back at Harry who already had his back turned towards you, walking to his room. 

“Yeah, I am.” 

21 June 2018

The prospect of not talking to Harry as much hurt you a bit. 

You haven’t had a full conversation with him in about two weeks. The most you’ve ever spoken to him was when someone was looking for him or if he was clearing up and clarifying his schedule. But other than that, nothing. You didn’t know why it was like that, but you tried not to let it get to you as you told yourself that he was tired from the tour. He was on the last month of tour and the flying had definitely caught up to him. 

But that wasn’t the real reason. 

You have been going out with Alex ever since that night in Dallas, and you thought it was nice to have someone to talk to other than Harry and the rest of the crew and band--although they’re very nice and fun people, you saw them everyday. And you came to find out that Alex was even more fun once you’ve gotten to know him even more. 

Alex made you feel free. There was something refreshing about hanging out with him that made you want more, and he definitely took your mind off of thinking about Harry... by having his tongue down your throat and inside of you. There have been plenty of pleasurable times when Alex had made you feel good, and vice versa. It started out in the night at Fort Lauderdale, two days after Dallas, and you went out with Alex to a bar in the city. Both of you had too much to drink and he asked if you wanted to go over to his hotel, which of course you said yes. One thing led to another, and you were underneath him, moaning his name out. Ever since then, he would watch every other show and you two would have date nights that took the night away into a hotel room. 

It was nice, and he liked you and you liked him back. 

Liked him as much as Harry? Not quite. But there were definitely a little bit of feelings for him. Besides, he calls you nice things and tells you you’re pretty. 

It was Harry’s first New York show in Madison Square Garden as a solo artist, and he was pumped, but also a little nervous. You were so incredibly proud of him and what he’s done in his career, so you were happy for him. And you were happy to be back home for a few days as well because you haven’t been home since the beginning of the month. 

Alex stood next to you with an arm around your shoulder the entire time of Harry’s show. He was wearing a custom Gucci white suit with flowers printed all over and the phrase ‘Memento Mori’ underneath it. The lapel part of the suit was a velvet material and he wore a black shirt underneath. The trousers were flared from the knee down, and you absolutely loved it. 

When the show was over, you and Alex headed backstage to meet with the band. You had expected that he wanted to get dinner already, but he hadn’t mentioned anything, so you assumed that you were going to go back to your hotel and hang out with him there. 

“Lovely show, H,” you hugged him tightly, but he didn’t reciprocate the same energy into the hug like you, and you found that odd because he usually hugs you tight. 

“Thanks,” he smiled softly, shaking Alex’s hand before thanking him for coming to the show. 

You turned towards Alex and asked, “What’s the plan for tonight?” 

“Oh, I was going to tell you, but I’m hanging out with a couple of friends from college that live here. So, I can't hang out with you tonight. I’m sorry,” he slightly pouted. “I’ve got to get going now though, so I’ll see you tomorrow?” You nodded understandingly. 

“Yeah, definitely. Probably best we don’t hang out all the time because I don’t want you to get tired of me,” you joked, and he shook his head no. “But I’ll see you tomorrow. Text me,” you told him before he gave you a kiss on the lips before heading towards the exit. 

Harry had watched the whole interaction with a small frown. He tried to contain his jealousy when he saw Alex kiss you and you smiling, but it was difficult for him to not scoff loudly, so he turned around and walked towards his dressing room. You turned around to find Harry missing, and you assumed he went to his dressing room, so you headed over there. You knocked on the door before entering, and you found him on the couch with his phone in his hands. 

“Hey,” you smiled, sitting on the couch as he muttered a ‘hi.’ “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, what makes you think I’m not?” He said defensively, and you furrowed your brows. 

“I never said you weren’t. I just wanted to make sure you were. I haven’t talked to you in a while.” 

“Well, that’s not my fault,” he whispered under his breath before continuing to scroll through his phone. 

There was a bit of a silence, and unfortunately, it was an awkward one. You didn’t feel needed in the dressing room, but you sat there awkwardly as you didn’t know what to say to him. 

“You’re seeing Alex?” He suddenly asked, breaking the silence. 

“Yeah. Just hanging out with him,” you got up to grab a water bottle from the table, and you opened it, taking a sip. 

“So, you’re fucking him?” He said casually, but you choked on your water, immediately coughing. Once you calmed down, you looked at him with watered eyes. 

“Uh…” 

“You can tell me,” he said sternly. 

“I mean, yeah, we had sex a few times, but there’s no label or anything like that. We’re just hanging out,” you told him, and he nodded. 

“Do you like him?” He raised his brows, and you took a deep breath, wondering what all these questions were for. 

“I think so, but-”

“Good, he’s a good guy,” he interrupted you. You liked Alex, yeah, but comparing your feelings for Alex to Harry...unmatchable. “I’m glad you’re happy,” he said, getting up from the couch before grabbing a towel from the vanity and walking out of the dressing room. Once he left, you were alone in the dressing room. You sighed deeply as you buried your face in your hands. 

“Yeah, sure I am.”

22 June 2018

The sound of ringing had woken you up from your slumber. 

You groaned as you tried to make out where your phone might be on your bedside table with your eyes closed, but you were hitting empty spots, so you opened one eye and grabbed your phone. 

“Hello?” Your morning voice coming out through the speaker. 

“Y/N. Can you come by, like right now?�� It was Harry on the phone, and you groaned. After the night prior, you thought he didn’t want to talk to you, but seeing as you’re still his assistant, of course he would call you. 

“Why must you call me at,” you pulled your phone back to look at the time, “six in the morning?” 

“Please. It’s important. I have some stuff I need you to do,” he pleaded, and you stretched your limbs out, making inhumane noises while still being on the phone, and Harry chuckled. 

“Fine. Be there in like twenty.”

“Thank you, angel! See you.”

He must be in an awfully good mood this morning, you thought. And it’s been a while since you heard your pet name, but you brushed it off and got ready. 

You unlocked the door of Harry’s house, letting yourself in. You found him sitting on the couch, reading a book until he looked up at the door and saw you. He got up and walked towards you, and opened his arms, giving you a big hug. 

“Hey, angel. Thanks for coming by,” he said into your ear, leaving you in goosebumps. 

“Course. Everything okay?” You asked once you pulled away. 

“Yeah. I miss you, y’know. Feel like we haven’t spoken in a while,” he trailed off a bit, and you squint your eyes at him. 

“I sense a ‘but,’” you said, and he chuckled. 

“I actually need you to get these for me, if that’s okay? Just need them before the show,” he handed you a list, and you looked at it. 

The items were something similar as before: a bouquet of flowers and a gift basket with various types of snacks. As you read through it, that’s when you knew and your heart sank. 

“So who is it?” Harry looked at you curiously, and you waved around the list up. “Who are you dating?” 

“Oh, this girl I met through a mutual friend. She actually was at the Dallas show and we met after at a bar. She’s in the fashion industry; her name is Rena,” he explained with a smile. “She’s coming to the show tonight, so I just wanted to get her a little something.” 

“Okay, I’m on it. I’ll see you tonight,” you headed out, figuring since you had nothing else to do, you could stretch your errands out until the show. You decided to have breakfast first and get some coffee since it was quite early still, and enjoy a day to yourself until Harry introduces you to yet another girl. 

Rena was a nice lady. She was two years older than you and Harry, and she was drop dead gorgeous. You’ve never seen anyone this stunning up close. She always had the sweetest smile, and you were contemplating if she was real or not, and why Harry is calling you ‘angel’ and not her. It was difficult to hate her, and it’s not like you wanted to, but considering that you have feelings for Harry, you wanted something to be wrong about her--maybe a Brooke 2.0, but she was so kind to you, and she loved everything that was gifted to her from Harry, even if the items were the smallest things. So, there were no complaints. 

Harry seemed happy with her, so that’s all that mattered. 

1 July 2018

It seemed like Rena was around all the time now, like she was at every show since night two in New York. You tried to busy yourself by going around the town you were in or talking to Alex, but you missed Harry. It was always like this when he was dating someone; the first few months, he would completely forget about you and always hang out with the person, but once he starts settling in, he wants to talk to you. And since he’s only been dating Rena for a month, he hasn’t been talking to you lately. 

You watched Harry on stage in St. Paul next to Rena, Alex, and Jeff as Harry was wearing a sparkly pink Gucci shirt with a pussybow on the front and some black trousers. The energy in the room was amazing. By far it was the best performance of ‘Medicine’ you’ve seen him perform. He even held out a pair of handcuffs in front of the crowd, making them go crazy, and he looked up at your section, glancing at Rena before smirking, making you cringe a tad bit as she cheered. 

At the end of the show, you greeted the band, and immediately Rena was attached to Harry, which made you impatient because you wanted to hug him like you always do. But they were wrapped in each other’s arms as they kissed, no plans of letting go of one another. 

“Hey, wanna head out?” Alex asked. You still hadn’t said hello to Harry, but you figured you could text him later, so you nodded, glancing back at the two of them and walked out with Alex. He took you to a diner that wasn’t too far from the hotel and you both ate breakfast for a midnight meal because breakfast simply hits differently when it’s at an unusual hour. Alex then walked you back to the hotel room, and you were exhausted by this point. You just wanted to get out of your shoes and sleep for a very long time. You were lucky that you weren’t sharing a room with Alex because sometimes you just needed to be alone, and this moment was that time. “So, I’ve been meaning to ask you something,” he said, stopping in front of your room and your brows raised as he continued. “We’ve been dating for about a month now, and I really like you, so I wanted to ask if you wanted to be my girlfriend.”

You had expected anything else, but that question. Your heart beat practically stopped for a moment as you looked at him, wondering if he was serious, and when he didn’t say he was joking, you realized that he was actually being serious. 

“Oh, uhm…”

“It’s been fun getting to know you and travelling to these places with you, so I figured it was time to ask you.”

“Alex...you’re a really nice guy, but I’m just not sure I can be your girlfriend,” you told him honestly, and his brows furrowed. 

“Why’s that?”

“I-I like you, but I feel like my feelings for you aren’t 100% there when it comes to being your girlfriend.” He only nodded, and you were getting quite anxious when he didn’t say anything. 

He then started laughing, pacing around in the hallway and you crossed your arms. 

“That’s hilarious,” he said. 

“What-”

“No, the only reason you don’t want to be with me is because you’re in love with someone else!” His voice raised, making the hallway echo a bit. You looked at him, not knowing what to say. “Yeah. I know you’re in love with Harry. Noticed that the first time I met you; that you were staring right at someone that wasn’t yours, but desperately wanted to be.”

“I…” you were speechless. Had you really been that obvious about your feelings towards Harry that everyone around you noticed? 

“It’s a shame though, isn’t it?” He had a grin of the devil; mischievously and humiliating. You looked at him nervously, urging him to continue. “You’re in love with someone that doesn’t even want you,” he stated. “That doesn’t look your way for a second when he thinks about a relationship because you’re only his assistant. Not once would he look your way down the street if you weren’t working for him,” he looked you up and down, and your eyes started watering, and you were embarrassed that you were about to cry in front of Alex as he crushed you in every possible way. “It’s okay, don’t cry. You have me,” he opened his arms to take you in for a hug, but you physically pushed him away because now you were angry. 

“I have you? Are you fucking kidding me? After you just humiliated me?” You were breathing out through your nose as your tears made their way down your cheeks. 

“Hey, I’m just telling you the truth-”

“Why did you even ask me to be your girlfriend?” You asked, genuinely confused on his logic. 

“Well, the question that you’re supposed to be asking is why did I talk to you in the first place?” 

“Why did you?” 

“Since you want to know so bad,” he teased, and you rolled your eyes. “When I saw you, I definitely liked you, but then I saw you were giving heart eyes to Harry, so I thought I could change your mind. See if I could switch your feelings up,” he chuckled. 

“So, this was some sort of experiment? Guessing your hypothesis was wrong then, huh? Go ahead and write your conclusion as: fucked her, but dick wasn’t good enough to fall in love. So, fuck off,” you rolled your eyes and opened the door before slamming it shut in his face. Your back was leaning against the door as more that you’ve been holding onto fell from your face as you heard him still talk. 

“You’ll never be like Brooke or Rena, or whoever he dates in the future! You’re nothing to him!” He yelled through the door as his words came out muffled. 

Sliding down the door, you finally heard him leave, and you were full on sobbing. You tried not to let his words get the better of you, but the way Alex spat them out so easily, it was hard not to. 

Because what if he’s right. 

7 July 2018

Harry noticed that you had been feeling off the entire week. 

It was like you were simply existing, but not present in some moments when people would talk to you. You had this dull look on your face, and it wasn’t the same as your bright and happy look that he looked forward to everyday. He noticed it when everyone was leaving from Minnesota, and he told himself that it was because you were tired, which was true, but he didn’t know the whole reason. 

After the show in Seattle, he didn’t see you like he used to, and he wondered where you or if you even watched the show. Once he high fived and talked to everyone for a bit, he headed to his dressing room, hoping that you were in there, but you weren’t. So now, he was worried. 

H: Hey, where are you? He texted. Luckily, Rena wasn’t around anymore because she would want all his attention after the show. He simply couldn’t take someone being so clingy, so he called things off with her. It may have also had to do with the fact that he didn’t want to hide his feelings anymore, and being with other people just wasn’t working for him anymore. Not when you were in front of him. 

It’s been a long time coming now, and he felt stupid for not telling you in the first place since he’s been in love with you since last year--during the time he was with Brooke. He was honestly afraid to tell you, and when he heard Brooke say it, he just felt so much shock run through him, so he kept his mouth shut. He didn’t have an excuse as to why he got with other people while being in love with you, but it just made him feel in control of himself because he couldn’t control his feelings towards you, so he got scared. So, he decided that when everyone gets to California in two days, he’s going to confess his entire feelings for you. 

Harry walked to your hotel room, knocking on it as he waited for you to answer. He could hear shuffling and movement through the door, and he hoped to god that Alex wasn’t in there with you. 

“Who is it?” You said through the door, softly. 

“Angel, it’s Harry. Can I see you?” He asked. There was a pause, but then he heard the door handle rattled as you opened the door. 

Your face was a crying mess and your hair was up in a very messy bun. Harry’s mouth opened slightly as he concerningly asked, “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” His question and concern had made you sob even more as you shook your head. “C’mere,” he pulled you in for a hug and you sobbed into his chest as he walked you over to the edge of your bed. He observed your room and saw that there were a stack of clothes folded on the other bed along with your open luggage with some of your belongings inside. “Angel, what’s going on?” You pulled your head out of his chest to look at him, knowing that he was probably wondering why you were packing; and he had a sad expression on his face. 

“I’m leaving,” you simply said. 

“Leaving? Where are you going?” His brows furrowed. 

“I’m going back home.” 

“W-What? Why?” 

“I can’t be your assistant anymore, Harry,” you cried, and Harry’s heart sank as his jaw dropped. 

“What are you talking about? A-Are you quitting?” You stood up, placing the stack of clothes in your luggage as you sorted them. 

“Y-Yeah,” you said quietly, and Harry has never been more confused in his life. 

“W-What did I do wrong? I’m sorry we haven’t been seeing each other lately, but I promise after tour-”

“No, no. It’s not you, I promise,” you shook your head. In this moment, you felt like you should tell him everything because he deserved an explanation from you. “Please, listen, okay?” He nodded. You walked to sit on the desk chair in front Harry as he sat on the edge of the bed. You proceeded to tell him everything that Alex said from him asking you to be his girlfriend to you saying no. “He said these mean things that-”

“What the fuck did he say?” He gritted his teeth and took a deep breath. 

“Just listen,” you stopped him. “He said those things because I’m in love with someone else…I’m in love with you, and you probably heard Brooke say that, but you didn’t say anything, so I just assumed that you didn’t want to believe it.” It was the words Harry has been wanting to hear and he went to open his mouth, but you immediately started talking again. “I have been ever since I started working for you, and I thought it was just a crush on my boss, but it’s way more than that. Alex told me I’m not good enough for you and that you would never love me, and I think that’s true-” 

“No! That’s not true! I love-”

“Please, don’t,” you shook your head as you sobbed. You’ve been waiting for years to hear those words, but you knew that you couldn’t hear them just yet. “Don’t say those words because I’m leaving and to prove Alex wrong.” 

“I’m not trying to prove him wrong, it’s true,” Harry’s eyes watered, and you sighed.

“What he said got me thinking…I go to all these stores and pick shit up for your love interests, sending me a list of all their favorite things, and wishing that they were for me. And in the midst of it, I realized you don’t know what my favorite flower is! I’ve been hurting for so long that I covered it up everytime and put a fake smile on my face just to see you happy.”

“Your favorite flower is-”

“I just really think that I deserve to be happy as well,” you nodded your head as a way to try and convince yourself. 

“You do deserve to be happy, angel baby. But we can be happy together? I-I… want you here. With me.” His voice was filled with hope, and it only made it harder for you. 

You closed your eyes for a moment, burying your face in your hands. “I want that so bad. I do, H. But I really need to be happy with myself and by myself first. I depended on you and the others around me a lot, and I just didn’t save that love for myself, so…I need to leave,” you sniffled, wiping your cheeks. 

“And when you come back?” 

“I don’t know when that will be or what’s going to happen, but I’m not asking you to wait for me or anything because you should live your life. But when I come back, I’ll call you, and we’ll talk,” you told him, and it seemed like you had everything planned already, but you were just as lost as he was. He dropped his head, crying into his hands. You rolled your chair closer to him, grabbing his wrists, and he lifted his head. “We’ll be alright, okay? Just need a little time to myself.” He nodded, sniffling. 

You stood up and walked over to your luggage, zipping it closed before you looked around to see if you forgot anything. Harry stood up and walked over to you, grabbed your wrists, and pulled you to him, giving you a hug. His face was buried in your neck and you felt him press kisses against your skin as he cried. 

“You’ll be back?” The pain in his voice was enough to tip you over the edge of bawling. 

“Yeah, I’ll be back,” you said in between sniffs. “I’m going to stay with my parents for a while; get a job back in Oregon,” you told him, so he’s not completely out of the loop. He pulled back, looking down at you. 

“When you come back, your job will always be here.” You smiled sadly, raising your hand to caress his cheek. 

“We’ll see, okay? But I have to go to the airport now. My flight is in two hours,” you managed to free yourself from his grasp as it tightened so you wouldn’t go, but you really had to. 

“Let me drop you off?” He offered, and you shook your head. 

“No, it’s only going to make this harder,” you said, grabbing your luggage and backpack. “Have a great rest of the tour, alright? Take care of yourself,” you placed your palm on his cheek again, looking in his sad eyes before you reached up and kissed his cheek. “I’ll see you, honey.”

You walked out of the room with no glance back at him, and Harry was alone in your hotel room, and it was the last memory of you that would be ingrained in his mind forever. 

14 July 2018 

The crowd cheered loud for Harry for his final show in Los Angeles. He overwhelmingly smiled as he took a deep breath before continuing onto the next song. Everyone seemed to know what the next song on the set list was, so the room went a bit quiet as the crowd turned on their flashlights as the lights went completely dark, and the only thing was heard was the strumming of the guitar. 

Woke up alone in this hotel room… As he sang, he took in his own lyrics, feeling like they really related to him at the moment despite writing the song two years ago. Harry sang with every emotion in him as he let it all out in the dark room that was silent, and the only thing he heard was his voice and the guitar that was played by Mitch. 

We haven’t spoke since you went away…He had thought of you every night he sang this song since you left in Seattle, and it pained him that there was no contact between you ever since you left, but he figured that was what you wanted. What you needed. 

Comfortable silence is so overrated… The moments when there would be silence between you two, he hated looking back at those moments because he knew he should’ve said something, you would’ve still been here. 

Why won’t you ever say what you want to say? Why didn’t you say anything, Harry? 

Even my phone misses your call, by the way…He missed your contact name pop up on his phone that went along with his contact picture for you. You were smiling bright as you ate ice cream. It was a summer day in New York and really warm outside, so you decided you two took a break from running around and got some ice cream. You were so happy that day, and he was happy he got it on camera. 

Harry would often find himself looking at your pictures together; trying to pinpoint the exact moment you knew you were in love with him. Your smile always made his day, and it broke his heart knowing that he wouldn’t get to see that smile for a long while--at least he hoped it’s not a long time till he gets to see you again. Since, he knew when his feelings had progressed, he looked back on the pictures when he knew he fell hard. His smile had gotten bigger and the look he gave you was full of love, and he wished that you saw how he looked at you. 

He missed you so much. 

13 December 2019

It took you quite a while since you felt whole again. 

You hadn’t felt so empty as you had been when you left Seattle. The year and a half you spent back at home really helped you with that. You were able to find yourself again; spending time with your family and with yourself was something so refreshing that you cherished every moment with them. You learned a lot about yourself, and you reshaped your own worth and values. You came back stronger than ever and you’ve never been happier than you are now. 

You nervously walked over to the section you were going to be sitting in. The room was dark and the crowd was absolutely wild as they were finally seeing the one person they’ve been waiting for. You looked down, watching your step as you held your phone with the flashlight on your feet as they stepped onto the red floor of the pit, until you saw the familiar faces you’ve been looking for. 

“Y/N! There you are!” Glenne smiled, taking you in for a hug. “I’ve missed you babe,” she said in your ear as you hugged her tight. 

“I missed you too, so much.”

“Hey, Y/N. It’s good to see you again,” Jeff said, giving you a warm embrace. 

The music was playing and the crowd had gotten louder as the man of the hour finally stepped on stage, and all the spotlights were pointed on him. You watched him as he walked down from the high stage to the main stage, grabbing his guitar as said hello to everyone before strumming the first note. 

As you remembered, he was amazing on stage as he wore the same outfit as the album cover. He ignited the crowd with his charm and voice that left people in tears from being so overwhelmed by him. You felt overwhelmed as well; seeing him for the first time in a year and a half had made you quite emotional. 

You knew you wanted to go to Harry’s ‘One Night Only’ show when he first announced it. From keeping in contact with him, you figured you could keep in contact with updates of him, and what he’s up to these days. You streamed his music, watched his music videos, and stayed up late just to hear a snippet of him on the radio. You were always excited when you would get the notification on your phone of new pictures and videos of him because that was the only way you were able to see him. You found out that he had spent quite some time in Japan towards the end of last year and the beginning of this year. You really hoped he was doing okay. During the days of finding yourself, the thought of seeing him again had scared you, and you weren’t ready for that, so you waited until this day to see him. 

So, at the beginning of the week, you had texted Glenne that you wanted to go to the show, and she immediately said yes, putting your name on the list. You told her not to tell Harry just yet because you wanted to surprise him, and she was on board with the idea as was Jeff. 

They were both really supportive of you during your times sulking and growing, and Glenne had even visited you in Oregon to make sure you were okay and simply just missing you. You were really thankful for both of them because you knew that it was hard to see their two friends in pain, but you were glad that they supported your decision. Glenne had always known that you were in love with Harry, and you told her ever since you figured your feelings out. But you had made her swear on her life and Jeff’s that she wouldn’t say a word about it to anyone, not even Jeff (although Jeff saw it coming). 

“He’s going to be so happy to see you and know that you’re here,” Glenne said to you as the beginning of ‘Fine Line’ was starting. You thought the album was an  absolute masterpiece that was composed of beautiful lyrics, melodies, and emotion. You made sure to dance and cheer for the songs you didn’t know the words to extra loud, and you sang to the ones you knew without hesitation. You stayed up all night, listening to the album multiple times on repeat and trying to get the words down, and you were sure everyone did the same. 

As you listened to Harry sing the outro and the words ‘We’ll be alright’ coming out so effortlessly, you were reminded of your words to him as you left the hotel room. The song was quite hard hitting and you felt every inch of your skin cover in goosebumps. 

You practically lost your shit when Stevie Nicks came out and performed ‘Landslide’ with him, and when he sang ‘Wonderful Christmas Time’ while fake snow was falling from the ceiling. Before you knew it, Harry was in the middle of singing ‘Kiwi,’ and Glenne tapped your arm, telling you to follow her and you knew that you three were going backstage already. You felt butterflies in your stomach, feeling really nervous to see him again up close after a year and a half; and you only hoped that he was happy to see you as well. 

You heard the muffled final beat of the song as the crowd loudly cheered for him, telling him to do another song, but you knew that it was the end of the show. Jeff had walked way ahead of you both to grab Harry really quick, so he could point his attention towards you. Your hands were shaking as your arm was looped with Glenne’s as she provided physical support for you, holding you up, and continuously telling you that he’s going to be so ecstatic. 

Cheers erupted from the crew as everyone hugged each other, proud and happy of the success of Harry’s first show of his sophomore album. Once you were close enough, you could make out everyone’s faces. The band was there along with Harry’s friends and producers that had written the album with him. Finally, there was Harry; his back was facing you as he hugged Jeff, and Jeff gave you an amusing smile as he hugged his best friend. You heard him whisper into Harry’s ear, and Harry pulled back, saying, “What?” 

Jeff nodded, and Harry quickly turned around. His face was pulled into a shocked expression as his eyes widened and his body was practically frozen as he took in your presence. You smiled softly, waiting for him to say or do something because you didn’t know how he felt with you being here on his special night. 

Finally, he took two long strides towards you, pulling you in for a hug. Your body collided with his, and smiled into his shoulder, wrapping your arms around his tone body. 

“How are you?” You whispered in his ear as you practically felt him shaking in your arms. 

“I’m doing good. Better now,” he said softly. “What the fuck are you doing here, angel?” He chuckled, finally realizing that you were here in his arms. The sound of your pet name had widened your smile as your eyes watered; feeling so happy that you finally got to hear that name come from out of his mouth again. 

“Came to see you,” you said in his neck. He pulled back, looking at you in the eye before smiling like crazy as he took you in his arms again. He felt like he was on the moon; the overwhelming feeling of the feedback from the album, the show, and now finally getting to see you for the first time in a very long time—he truly couldn’t believe it, so he held you tight, not wanting to let you go as he felt like if he did, then you would vanish again. You felt his hesitancy or not wanting to let you go, so you whispered in his ear, “Hey, I’m here. Not leaving.” 

He eventually pulled back, and noticed everyone that gathered around you two, and smiles were on their faces with their hands over their hearts. They all had really witnessed Harry struggle the past year and a half; from song writing, recording, rehearsing, and just being present. They really saw Harry at his lowest, and now they're happy to finally see him happy now that you’re here. 

“I-I have to go meet some people and take some pictures, but do you think, uhm…” he trailed off, realizing that he might be acting too eager. 

“H, I’m right here. Do what you have to do, and I’ll wait for you, alright?” You told him with a smile, and he nodded. He didn’t want to walk away from you, but you knew that some people were waiting for him, so he had to leave. He gave you one last hug, which brightened your smile, and he walked down the hall of The Forum. “Stay in my dressing room!” He called out, and you laughed, remembering the talks and moments in his dressing room after his shows. 

Heading over to his dressing room, you stopped to say hi to everyone as they excitedly greeted you. You couldn’t believe that you were here again. The journey to get here was a struggle, but reuniting with everyone had made it so worth it—seeing Harry again was worth it, and you knew that you had to do it. 

After an hour of catching up with the crew and band, and sitting on his couch, mindlessly flipping through the pages of the Fine Line Booklet that contained pictures of Harry in the process of recording his album, he finally showed up. Sighing as he walked in from the rush of the entire day, once he saw your face again, he knew he wasn’t in the state of dreaming because you were really here. 

He took a seat on the couch next to you, taking your hand in his. He hesitantly raised your hand to his mouth and placed a kiss on the back of it; you smiled at the sweet gesture, caressing your thumb against his hand. 

“How are you, angel?” He asked, softly smiling as he was trying to contain his excitement that you’re finally here. 

“I’m good, H. I’m happy,” you said, and hearing that made Harry’s eyes glossy because that’s all he wanted from you. He wanted you to be happy; with yourself, with others, and with life. 

“I’m so glad to hear you say that,” he smiled, dimples poking out. You reached over to caress his cheek, rubbing his dimple out, and he turned his head to kiss the inside of your hand. 

“I want to hear everything from you--catch me up on everything?” He nodded eagerly, wanting that from you too. 

“Security said that the parking lot is empty now because they had to practically kick everyone out, so there’s no one out there, but what do you say we go out there and walk around the parking lot?” He suggested. It was almost midnight, and despite being exhausted and overwhelmed by this whole day, he’d rather stay up and talk for hours with you. 

“Are you sure? You’re not tired?” You asked, and he shook your head. 

“No, not at all. It’s been a year and a half since I last saw you. I want to spend time with you.”

“Okay, I’d like that,” you smiled, and he nodded, telling you that he was going to change really quick. He walked over to his duffel bag, grabbing some clothes before walking over to the changing room that was in his dressing room. Before he walked in, he turned around, facing you. 

“Hey.” You perked up, smiling. He missed your smile so damn much. “Your favorite flower is a baby pink peony,” he said before walking into the room. 

You were immediately taken back to the night when you had left when you had told him that he didn’t know what your favorite flower was, but all this time, he knew. He had always known. 

Walking towards the exit of the venue, the night was dark as the moon shined from up above you. With cold air rushing through you, you shivered, and Harry smiled next to you as you two walked through the emptiness of the parking lot. Before you two even spoke a word on how to go about having the ‘catch up’ conversation, you sensed Harry’s nervousness as he felt a bit hesitant with you because of the distance and time spent apart. But you wanted to remind him that you were the same person. You had the same feelings for him, and you really hoped he had some feelings for you too. 

So, you brushed your left hand against his right hand, cheeks flushed, and you interlock your fingers together, holding his warm ringed hand with your small one. 

This was it--this moment right here. This was where you were supposed to be. 

please come into my inbox and tell me how you’re feeling and what you thought of this! she was an emotional one :’)

[ashen-crest]

[ID: a dark gray banner. The image on the left is of the “This is Fine” dog, staring off into space with flames in the background. The text on the right reads “Self-Publishing Thoughts (from a newbie).” end ID]

Self-Publishing Thoughts #2: Resources!

Okay, first thing I’m gonna do is point you to people other than me. :)

I’ll divide these up between free and low-cost resources, all of them either used by me, or recommended by self-published authors I reached out to directly for advice.

There are a lot more resources out there, of course! If you have ones you want to share, feel free to mention them in a reply or rb.

Free Resources

20Booksto50K FB group: a very active FB group where indie authors discuss all sides of the self-publishing process. Their experience is honestly extremely valuable, I’ve learned a lot from them.

Wide for the Win FB group: another very active FB group where indie authors discuss wide distribution (basically, not only selling via Amazon.) More extremely helpful resources and discussions, I’ve also learned a ton through this group.

David Gaughran’s Starting from Zero Free Online Class: free series all about learning how to self-publish!

David Gaughran’s book Following: all about author audiences and how to garner a, you guessed it, following

David Gaughran’s Newsletter: if you liked Starting from Zero, you should get on his self-publishing newsletter. He sends out more free advice several times a month.

Tammi Lebrecque’s Newsletter: similar to David’s, but she really focuses on the author newsletter side of things. You’ll see a book of hers in the low-cost list as well.

Alli (Alliance of Independent Authors): they do offer paid material, but they also have free articles and conferences. I learned a lot at their recent self-pub con, which they streamed about a month ago.

A.K. Mulford’s Resource Page: tons and tons of links here!

Travis Baldree’s Article: talking about his experience publishing Legends and Lattes, which did insanely well for a debut novel!

Other Authors: Like AK above, many other authors have pages on their sites with collected resources. I’ve also reached out to some directly, and they’ve been extremely generous in replying back with helpful tips. (That’s how I found out about the FB groups on this list!)

Low-Cost Resources (Books)

Newsletter Ninja by Tammi Lebrecque: all about author newsletters; why they’re important, how to set them up, and how to keep them going

Self-Publisher’s Legal Handbook by Helen Sedwick: self-explanatory, I think.

Please don’t pirate these books! You can find used versions of these books that are only a few bucks.

Notes

Not all of these resources will be relevant to you! If you don’t plan on profiting from your writing, the Legal Handbook may be overkill. If you already know that you only plan to distribute via Amazon, then Wide for the Win won’t be for you.

And a note on 20Booksto50K- there are writers there of all different walks of life. And some of them can be kind of intimidating- releasing 10 books a year, running promos that cost hundreds of dollars, etc. A lot of folks there would consider 3 books a year to be a “slow” release, and it’s accepted as a normal frame of mind.

Please note that a lot of those folks are full-time writers who churn out books in very specific niches (eg- bully romance, small-town mystery). They don’t necessarily use editors, they make the book covers themselves, and they write as their day job. That very specific ability, process, and honestly privilege may not apply to you, and that’s okay. That’s something I have to keep in mind every time I look at that group. For me, I write in my spare time, I will only be able to publish once a year, and I will always use an editor and a cover designer. I just don’t roll like they do, and that’s okay!

Do you have more resources to add to this list? Reply or rb!

Self-Pub taglist under the cut (ask to be +/-):

@calicojackofficial, @zoya-writes, @joshuaorrizonte, @i-can-even-burn-salad, @antique-symbolism, @kjscottwrites, @nikkywrites

[starryeyedrogue]

mental health update

hey everyone. this’ll inevitably be a long one, so feel free to skip. TLDR: hiatus; mental health update (as mentioned). 

tw: depression, anxiety, dark thoughts.

like I said above, this’ll be a long one, sorry. this spring has been a hard one. there’s no real reason why, but it has. I don’t have a job. I’m not going to school. my home life is fine, normal. even still, I can’t get out of this hole. I’ve always known I have depression, since probably 4th grade, but it’s never taken physical form. I’ve skipped church/events for weeks thinking I had covid or some other sickness, but after some research and lack of typical illness symptoms, I realized it was my depression. my body aches constantly. headaches and migraines are constantly around the corner. I haven’t slept well in weeks, months. my comfort activities (gaming, D&D, writing, painting/drawing, cooking/baking, music) don’t do anything anymore. it’s hard to get out of bed most mornings, though I pass it off as the overly warm or cold temperature and the fact that I’m not a morning person. my mom was the one who noticed these things first; she’s been where I am, so she knew the signs. I don’t know how I didn’t notice sooner; it’s my own mind and body. I keep having dark thoughts, too. not of suicide, I would never, but the typical depression things of “I shouldn’t have been born” or good old “everyone secretly hates me. that’s why I don’t get responses. that’s why no one’s noticed. no one cares, just stop talking already and leave them alone.” I don’t do self harm, either, but my habit of anxiously picking the skin on my fingers is slowly progressing into constantly having raw skin and blood on my hands. I try to stop, but I keep zoning out (ADHD) and find myself with stinging thumbs. I know full well I need to get over myself. I’m a grown adult. I don’t have “real” responsibilities like bills, a job, or schooling, and I don’t have a significant other to worry about. I worry about my friends and family, of course - guilt of not reaching out or doing better is killing me - but my habit of checking on my SO to make sure they’re not cheating on me or somehow hurting themselves at work isn’t there. 

constant pressure from family is eating away at me. I know I need a job. I know I need to do something with my life. but I can’t. even remembering to mask, eat, drink, and take care of myself in general is painfully hard. I’m in the process of “repairing my mask” and looking for a job that suits me, but it’s hard to do when even my favorite things don’t spark passion and joy in me. 

I posted a quick message on facebook a few days ago asking if anyone wanted to join a oneshot D&D game. all I asked for was that no one makes fun of my religion, Christianity. my post was taken down over “bad religion and agendaposting” (not at all my intentions), and I got hundreds of hate comments in minutes. I think that’s what made me realize how bad it is, my depression I mean. I cried for two nights straight, barely managing to keep my mask up around others. it’s stupid, but I can’t mask anymore. it’s just gone. tears keep coming, even if there’s no good reason. I don’t want to tell my closest friends and family members because I don’t want to burden them with this. I know they’ll see it, but still. I’m sorry. 

I’ll still be doing D&D every week, since talking to my ridiculously feral best friends helps a lot and writing campaigns distracts me for a bit, but I won’t be posting much, if any. I’ll queue enough for the week and respond to my asks & tags, but unless I get more I won’t really be here. I’ll be back before next week I’m sure, or I’ll probably post a few small things here and there to distract myself (seems to be the larger amount = how bad I feel when I rb a lot, which makes no sense. I’ll mostly be offline thought). I’m only posting this so no one worries; I’ve seen people go MIA on here and I’ve felt that worry and fear that something’s happened. it’s nothing against any of you, I just need time. that said, if anyone comes forward needing advice or help of any kind, I’ll still do what I can. I’ll always be here for all of you, no context or previous friendship/conversations needed. if anyone has any tips to deal with this or the dumb things that seem to help me with this (i.e. dumb jokes, anything pippin related, dog/pet pics, plants/woodsy pics, recipes, etc), please share. please let me know. nothing I’m doing is working. thank you in advance <3

[hollyhomburg]

Sweet like Honey (Break like Glass) (KTH)

Summary: Taehyung knows there’s something wrong with his girlfriend; the way she can’t look at herself in the mirror sometimes or the countless other bad days. He makes it his mission to make her feel as beautiful as possible.

Tags: mentions of body dysmorphia, Self-esteem issues, Dysphoria, internalized self-hate, picnic dates, fluff, emotional hurt/comfort, barely referenced eating disorder, angst over Taehyung being an idol, mentions of weddings, proposals, and wedding dresses, mentions of nudity and sexual scenes/themes. 

A/n: This was mostly inspired by Taehyung in his green suit and my own experiences with my body. This is a relatively short and less descriptive than my usual au’s. don’t forget to comment and RB if you liked it! also my grammarly kinda crashed while writing this! so i apologize for more grammatical errors that usual. 

Song rec: Electric love~ Pravi cover

W/c: 6.7k 

- There is something wrong with Taehyung's girlfriend. With you- and Taehyung just can’t figure out what it is. 

- Taehyung and you have been dating for a few years, though it was a little on and off in the beginning because of a few world tours. Now you live together, and every day Taehyung lives the fantasy of coming home to someone who loves him. You standing in his kitchen with Yeontan running around your feet begging for little bits of food. 

- But The small things are always there; the way you look at yourself in the mirror with a hint of hate. The way you are always so particular about how clothing fits you and won't wear anything that properly shows off your curves. 

- Sometimes you barely react when Taehyung puts his arms around your waist, bunching up his extra-large shirt that you sleep in. Taehyung loves the feeling of getting his hands on you, his palms so wide on your form. You have The kind of soft cuteness that makes him want to take you and hold you close and never let go. Sometimes in the mornings- he actually does pull you back into bed with him.

- But Sometimes, when Taehyung puts his hands on your waist you do freeze, he feels the way your body is taut and stiff like you’re trying to suck in or something. But when he looks at your face- he doesn't see any of the strain or anything else unpleasant or unhappy in your smiling face.

- Taehyung wishes you felt as comfortable with him as he feels with you.

- Tae would say that you’re both completely happy. Would say it- if he didn’t notice your insecurity sometimes. More than once He sees you excitedly set out an outfit on the bed. Getting dressed for something a little more interesting than sitting on your couch, only to see your expression fall the second that you see yourself in the mirror. 

- Whatever's going on in your head- it hurts you, hurts that you don’t see yourself in the mirror the way that he does. other days you know before you get dressed, You’ll avoid looking at yourself in the mirror and instead ask him if you look okay. 

- “Just turn around and see for yourself” he says- unthinking. More worried about getting to your destination on time. This time it’s a dinner with the rest of bts, a private room in a restaurant to celebrate the end of their last comeback. You aren’t going to be the only s/o or guest in attendance and you just wanted to make a good impression. 

- Taehyung is more excited for a few days of break that will proceed the dinner than the dinner itself. Days that he will probably spend catching up on the sleep that he’s lost over the past few weeks and spending quality time with you. He realizes a moment too late when he looks back at you. A hand suspiciously rubbing at your cheek, a little damp. That dark- unhappy look fitting your face like a glove. 

- You put a very baggy jacket over your dress and call it a day. During dinner you bunch it up in your lap like it will help cover you and say that your legs are just cold when Taehyung asks. But he isn’t fooled- though he was, a little, at the beginning of your relationship.

- When Taehyung first meets you he barely thinks that there’s something off about the way you view yourself. That revelation comes later once he gets to know you better. Taehyung dreams of a time when he’d known from the beginning, if only so that he could have started helping you with your body image sooner. 

- When you and Taehyung first met you were both a little broken, both a little too lonely for words. Your type of loneliness that was left for rotten nights, the kind where you bunch up a blanket or a pillow just to have something to hold onto. 

- When Taehyung first bumps into you at a bookstore You don’t outwardly look like the insecure type. Your cute glasses on your nose and your ankle length knit dress chic and oversized. You’d sat on opposites sides of a very long velvet couch to enjoy a coffee and a book in Taehyung’s favorite bookstore. A hair too close at your separate tables to be completely accidental. 

- You look at the handsome stranger, (or at least you think he’s handsome- most of him is covered by a facemask) thinking that just maybe There was only one reason why he didn’t take the table by the window; that reason being a desire to be close to you. “Is that one any good?” you’d asked, voice rough and quiet in the empty cafe. 

- When Tae looks over it’s to see your legs have been pulled up and underneath you- your shoes off and hidden under the table. Your stocking legs bare for him to look at and drink in. It feels too intimate for a stranger, but all at once in a moment, Taehyung daydreams of what your legs might feel like in his hands. And a little stirring in his gut says ‘oh- you like this- you like this one.” 

- “The coffee or the book?” he asks, perplexed and trying not to lose his cool. all the stadiums in the world couldn’t unnerve him and yet- one pretty girl in a coffee shop has him worried, holding on to his coffee and book like it will anchor him. You smile like his response is some sort of secret. “Either is fine.”

- Running into each other at the bookstore turned into sitting close on one of the many velvet couches. Which turned into Tae inviting you to a different coffee shop with better coffee and fewer books so you could openly talk without fear of getting scolded. 

- This leads to dinner dates and kisses and your back against his sheets in his apartments. Looking up at him like he’s still trying to tell you some sort of secret. You’re a secret that Taehyung just can’t figure out but wants too. And Tae has a feeling he could spend years getting to know you and still want you just as much as he did then- as he does now. Hovering on the edge of a relationship with you. 

- What had started out as coffee dates, turned into hooking up and then when his life got busy again- late night booty calls where he was barely awake enough to properly reciprocate. Those nights ending when you woke up to his empty bed and a text on your phone thanking you for coming over so late. It’s kind, but it’s so formal you read between the lines. Assuming deep down- that Taehyung doesn't want any more than a late night booty call and an occasional friendship from you.

- Taehyung had just assumed you wouldn’t want a relationship with him if it had to be this way, every six months or so when he gets so busy he can barely find time to take a proper break let alone go on a date. You’d assumed he just didn’t want a relationship with you but you where already desperately in love with him and unwilling to let go of the little bit you had of his time. Even if you knew it was a little toxic. 

- He still remembers looks back on that night often. Just after the comeback-  he’d been strung out on that restless energy he often gets after they’ve finished. another cycle of their career. All keyed up with nowhere for his energy to go. It had been late into the night and nearly morning when you’d finished enjoying each others company. Taehyung leaning back against the pillows, so deeply stated that he felt the ache in his bones. Eyes already fluttering closed he’d reached out to touch you, only to find you not there already pulling up your pants by the door. 

- And Tae’s serotonin and oxytocin high brain hadn’t been able to look past much more than your jiggling ass for a moment before he realized that fuck- you’re not staying. “What are you doing?” he’d asked, a little scathed, and you turned around like you were trying not to get your hopes up.

- “Going home to sleep? like i usually do?” Taehyung feels the stinging in his chest like a wound. Dreams of sleeping with his arm thrown over your waist, holding you close and trying to fit you into the lonely space in his chest- extinguished in a violent moment. (Tae had a feeling you’d fit there perfectly- and now to have you snatched out of reach feels like disappointment) “aren’t you just going to sleep here?”  

-“Nah im kinda hungry” you lie. He shrugs not getting it “I could always make you breakfast in the morning,” his words are interrupted by a yawn, “or now?” 

- “You don’t need too” “but what if I want to” all at once you’re frustrated. “Tae- what are we doing here?” you throw your jacked down with an upset humf, “we both know you’re not going to date a girl like me so why- why are you making this harder than you need too-”  

- “hold on-hold on” he jumps out of bed, suddenly so awake that his heart is pounding. “who the fuck told you that i don’t want to date you?” Your hand hovers on the doorknob an inch away from your relationship being nothing, and Taehyung is brazen and unshy, nearly proving your point when he just gets out of bed all of himself on display. At least he has the good grace to pull on a pair of boxer shorts. “you mean? you do?” 

- “Of course i want to date you!” he’s an inch away, and his large hands just barely brushes yours “you like all the same things as me, i love talking about books with you and cuddling with you and having you here when i get home- things have just been so busy lately- i didn’t want to make it feel rushed. but i do- i do want you to be mine unless you don’t want-”

- You’d hated how unsure he looked in that moment. Most of the time- you’re so unsure yourself that you forget how it must look to Taehyung. But in that moment you can see your own expression on his face, and you hate it there just as much as he hates it when it’s on your face. 

- That night had ended with you soft in Taehyung's clothing, smelling like him. talking it through with him until the sun actually had come up. “I guess I just got so caught up in giving you what you wanted because I thought that was all I could get.”

- He touches you so delicately, his fingers stroking down the line of your throat as you talk so that he can feel the words in his fingertips as you say them. “tell me how I can be better- please, I want to be a good-” taehyung swallows against the hope in his throat. “I want to be a good boyfriend for you.” 

- Your more giving nature didn’t stop there, and you were always determined to give taehyung more than you took in your relationship. Like your very presence in his life was enough of a gift in itself. But it’s something that Taehyung has always been able to see through. In the same way that you feel like you’re not enough for him. The same way he feels that he can’t give you everything you want or need. Like a date out in public or Anonymity if you were ever to take your relationship public.

- You’ve been mobbed more than once just because you came out of the same apartment complex he lived in. And even though no one knows you’re dating Tae besides those who know you personally, Taehyung fears that one day you’re going to want something he can’t give you.

- Like others he’d dated in the past. The girls (and one boy) who had all told him after a few months “either go public or we’re through” or gotten tired of not being able to partake in the same things all their friends did, like getting walked home or going out for dinner on a Thursday without making an expensive reservation. You were never like that.

- At the beginning, you’d just smiled when Tae had told you he couldn’t be seen with you out in public. You’d just given him a soft but understanding smile and volunteered your apartment as long as he brought his most comfortable pajamas to stay the night incase he got too drunk to drive home.

- Those nights, you’d often ended up drunk on the floor of your bedroom and Taehyung remembers looking down at you from above, his hand unintentionally wound in your hair. Somehow you’d ended up in his pajamas and he didn’t mind at all.  

- “You know- I can’t give you a lot” it had taken Tae a long time to open up to you after his last break up, but then he’d felt the dizzying smoothness of your skin against his- more intoxicating that the alcohol. You’d giggled up at him, equally as drunk. “Just give me you, Tae, and that will be enough.”

- it was around then that Taehyung had made a promise to himself. He may not be able to give you everything a boyfriend should be able to give you. but he’d give you himself fully, and anything else he could give without endangering his career.

- Sometimes you can’t believe that you’re dating an idol- let alone someone as genuinely beautiful as Taehyung. Sure- knows one knows you’re dating him. But only someone who didn’t know your relationship would think he was just a status symbol or something. You don’t need to show each other off to know your love is real.

- Though you do partake in couple items fairly often- Taehyung has a certain love for things expensive. And he does like to spoil you in the small ways- accessories are the best for you- Taehyung knows they don’t trigger your body dysmorphia in the same way clothes do. He still has the first couple item you ever got- a beat-up scarf in coordinating colors, the edge of yours torn- hanging over the doorway that leads to your walk in closet. The fabric too worn to wear out normally.

- Early on- he’d fucked up and gotten you a skirt that was a size to small. He’d tried to help you into it, and helped you try and zip it up. But after a moment when it was clear the zipper wasn’t going to go over your hips (one of Taehyung’s favorite parts of you and the whole reason why he’d bought you the skirt)

- You’d slapped his hand away, and Taehyung had looked up- miffed for a moment but knowing he’d fucked up when he saw your eyes fill with tears. He’d apologized again and again, And you were careful to make sure he knew it wasn’t his fault but the skirt had ended up thrown to the back of the closet and shoved in a bag meant for donations.

 - Now Taehyung knows Some days your body genuinely doesn’t bother you, but others you live a much more dire reality that you try to hide from Tae. he also knows that you don’t like talking about it. He might enjoy telling you the minute details of just exactly why Namjoon pissed him off today during practice and hashing it out again later when his temper has dissipated. But you don’t like to talk about your insecurities in so many words. 

- Sometimes the words hover on the edge of his tongue because he should tell you that It genuinely doesn’t bother him when you flip flop between needing to spend hours of your time on your makeup and being okay with your face as it is. And if hours are what you need to feel okay then fuck- Taehyung will learn everything about how you like to do your hair. 

- The other days when you change 5 times before it becomes clear that it’s not the clothes That's making you feel so distressed. your side of the closet torn apart. When you can’t meet Tae’s eyes when it feels like nothing fits you anymore. More than once you’ve decided that you don’t really want to leave the apartment if the only thing you feel comfortable in is a pair of his sweatpants and a baggy tee-shirt. Tae only wants to make sure you get what you need. You don’t need to hide your bad days from Tae.

- but Taehyung hates those unhappy days when there's not more that he can do than let you hide your body underneath the baggiest blanket possible on your couch. Calling to cancel your plans, and then join you there. You tell him he should go hang out with your friends without you but if you don’t go with him- there’s really no point. 

- He knows it's just a little unhealthy- but he’d miss you the whole time and want to text you through all of it. And your friends would end up annoyed that Tae was on his cellphone. Better to spend the night here, even if you flinch when he touches you later that night. 

- And really- he doesn’t mind at all, all of that stuff, it only makes him worried about you. The person he loves more than anything. And he tries to help you through the little things. Complimenting you whenever he can (and do it while being genuine so they don’t feel hollow to you) and feeding you from his own chopsticks at dinnertime. Gently gripping your chin in his hand and murmuring “it’s my job to keep you healthy.” 

- for what it’s worth when Taehyung does have more free time than usual- he keeps track. More than once he’s had to worry and wonder if you’re actually eating anything when he’s not around. He looks for the evidence of a lie on your face and in the kitchen to see if it takes the form of untouched or spoiled food. gone before you could convince yourself to eat it.

-  And even though he can’t find any evidence of this- the threat still lingers on the edge of his mind. He’s had his experience with unhealthy behaviors and he knows the starting signs.  

- But it comes to a head one night when he sees you looking through a bunch of catalogs. You might struggle to find things that you feel comfortable in on your worst days but you do like to help Taehyung shop. It’s a game that you play. Competing to see which one of you can find the weirdest outfit or the strangest prints. Though you win more often then he does. Leaning over your computer to laugh and say “okay- but actually, it’s terrible and I want it and I don’t know why.” 

- For as hard as your relationship can be- there are also countless moments of happiness, more than taehyung could ever properly appreciate. but god if he’s not going to try to treasure this love he has with you. The kind of love that's sweet like honey regardless of the broken glass mixed in. 

- It’s one of your lazy day activities. Both of you sit on the couch under a fluffy duvet with matching glasses of wine. A drama playing in the back round. His hand alternating between hovering on your knee and reaching for his wine glass.  

- Tae gets wrapped up in looking at a strange line of weird art neveauy Dress shirts and when he looks over he sees to his surprise- that you’re looking at dresses. These dresses are the long kind- the kinds that are white and flowy with beaded sleeves or shear mermaid designs, most in blush and cream tones.  

- You notice him looking and quickly tilt your screen- but it’s too late he’s already asking to see. You’re shy but eventually, tae wrestles it away from you with a kiss and a chuckle- you complain that he almost made you spill wine on the couch. His eyes widen more as he clicks through your tabs of which there are eight. And he commits the name of the designer to memory Because these...these are almost like wedding dresses and you’ve never expressed much interest in Dresses like these. 

- As if the drama you’re watching seems to fortel this conversation; this episode is the wedding episode. taehyung watches you as he checks through the tabs and you watch the bride and groom with a far away look in your eyes. As the characters go through the antics of losing their rings and the evil stepmother spilling wine onto the bride's white dress.

- When you do speak, it’s so soft that Taehyung has to lean in to hear it. your secret whispered into open air. “Sometimes it’s easy to think- that I’ll never get married. Get to wear a dress like that. It’s not that I don’t think you love me,” you’re quick to reassure him. his stricken expression melting away as his words die in his throat. “-or that you wouldn’t- won’t ever propose. And this isn’t me trying to guilt trip you into it either but-” 

-Taehyung rubs a reassuring stroke down your arm. Your eyes locked on the dress on the screen, eyes so hungry and wanting but sad too like you know it’s futile to want something so simple. It’s so ordinary to taehyung but to you it feels unreachable. “Dresses like that- princess dresses and wedding dresses- are things that other girls get. Girls that have the perfect body and the perfect hair- the perfect everything. Things that I don’t see when i look in the mirror.”

- Taehyung is soft when he touches you, guiding you to set your wine and your computer away, closing the screen too so that the picture of the dress goes away too. Leading you to sit across his lap. Touching your face gently like you’re the most beautiful thing that’s ever graced his fingertips. 

- “That’s what they get and i-” you rest a hand on your chest and for a moment- Taehyung can see how much it just aches. Whatever hole has been left in your heart by your trauma, Tae feels it as keenly as you do. “I get to feel like this all the time.” 

- Feelings of powerlessness fill him up. He wishes he could make you feel as beautiful as he views you- but he knows that the words of another only do so much. But he can’t say nothing He feels so tongue tied. he’s so painfully aware that he might say something that just makes you feel worse. he swallows through the lump in his throat. “I know this won’t make it any better, but I think you’re beautiful, and you deserve the world- and all the pretty dresses you want.” 

- He bites his lower lip, mindful of not making promises he Doesn’t know if he’ll be able to keep. He’d propose to you right now if he thought it would magically make you feel better but he doubts that would fix the issue. Your self-esteem issues run deeper than that. through wounds that are older than your relationship and too deep for Taehyung to heal with a few words.  He touches your face softly “let me try- to make you feel as beautiful as you are to me” his kisses get hotter and you return them “let me try” he promises. 

- That night you make love on your couch and for that moment of ecstasy you let yourself believe you’re worth the touch of Kim Taehyung. That alone is something that’s hard for you to believe every day. And you try to compensate for the ways that you feel lacking sometimes in the worst ways. he still doesn't like to think of the beginning of your relationship for that reason. 

- but Something about that day with the wedding dresses weighs on him though, bothers him in a way he just can’t articulate. And it’s not until he confesses to Jungkook about what happened and how he feels strangely futile about the whole thing, that Jungkook gives him the simplest answer. 

- “If she wants to feel beautiful in a wedding dress hyung, why don’t you just buy her the dress?” Taehyung starts to try and backtrack but Jungkook shakes his head. “I didn’t say marry her- just dress her up like you are and take her out on a date- make sure she knows beforehand. But there’s no reason why you can’t make her feel like a princess.” 

- So Taehyung does just that- picks out a dress not unlike one of the ones that you mentioned you liked. Layers of lace and delicate tulle, perfect for you. Yes it’s from a wedding line but it is more of a light dust pink. A dainty and dreamy color perfect for the day that he aims to create. He double and triple checks your measurements because the dress is made to fit and he doesn’t want to repeat the skirt experience. 

- Your actual date is a picnic set out on a thick knit blanket on a hill overlooking the ocean. He gets the picnic basket made for you by a restaurant. Delicate pastries filled with sweet meats, freshly cut figs and sweet berries and fruits. More than you could logically both eat in a sitting but sue him- Taehyung likes going a little overboard. All paired with your favorite bottle of wine. Wildflowers and delicate blooms too- all set out on the blanket. 

- He Gets you booked for a private appointment at a hair stylist and makeup artists and surprises you. Tells you to keep your Saturday open for him, you level him with a look over dinner. “What are you planning kim Taehyung?” he smiles into his glass. “I guess you’ll just have to wait and see princess?” you raise your eyebrow at the unintended and unusual term of endearment and let it slide as he pales at the unintended slip up. 

- At first you’re a little skeptical- this isn’t the first surprise date he’s planned (and it probably won’t be the last). So you humor him with a small smile when he sits you down in the stylist’s chair late Saturday. You face away from the mirror, the stylists under orders to keep your look hidden from you until they’re done. 

- before you start, He puts his hand on the back of your chair and leans in to press a quick kiss to your forehead “are you okay here while I go and get things ready?” the stylists buzz around you spoiling you with mimosas and fruit too, making sure you’re comfortable before they start. Tae really did bring out all the stops for this. 

- You are okay with this, or at least you think you are until you finish with your hair and makeup- you can feel it, the layer of the expensive products on your skin and the faint burning in your hair as they set your hair in delicate fairy like curls, small pins with little flowers that you see out of the corner of your eyes, you see the swatch of red on the lip brush when they paint your mouth- and it starts to feel like too much when they lead you to a changing room- and you see the dress hanging on the hook. 

- “She won’t come out Mr. Kim.” one of the assistants informs him when Taehyung comes back to get you. Everything is set up, the weather is perfect, the flowers in the field blooming when Taehyung stopped by to make sure that everything was all set out. Jungkook is in place too- ready to be your private photographer.

- That’s the little surprise- since Taehyung hopes you won't see him if he manages to hide well in the bushes and snap photos while you have lunch and lounge in the grass. Jungkook promised to leave if it looks like things where about to get steamy. And thinking about the dress- Taehyung can't say that’s not a possibility. 

- There is something incredibly alluring about the idea, hiking up your delicate skirt. The way it might just look if Taehyung had you pull the thin straps down. Getting you out of it just enough to slip close to your warmth. you could even rollplay it- Taehyung some night who had no business touching someone as beautiful and you; a princess so sweet and ethereal hidden in some forgotten stretch of palace garden.  Like something out of the stories you used to both read when you were just inches away in a coffee shop. 

- But right now all he wants to do is make sure you’re okay as he barely calls your name before he rushes through the satin curtain in to see you. Sitting on the velvet poof in nothing more than a silk robe, leaning your head on your hand as you look at the dress with more than a little apprehension. 

- He’s polished himself up since he saw you- his dark green suit the perfect color swatch against the dusty pink of the dress. you turn to see him and tae- oh Tae is in love with the way that they’ve outlined your lips like two petals of a perfect rose. The faint sparkle that dusts your cheeks. Taehyung’s whole body thrums as he looks at you. 

- “Taehyung” even the way you say his name is a question, “why did you get me all dressed up like this?” 

- Taehyung lets out a deep shaking breath, taking your hands in his, “im not proposing to you today,” is the first thing he says, and he can tell the words shock you a little- that can’t have been a thought far from your mind. But he presses on before he can get too nervous to continue. 

- “But the other day- when you talked about never getting to feel pretty- like a princess. I wanted to give you that. Even if we never get married- or at least can’t for a while- you deserve to feel as beautiful as a bride on her wedding day every day and I guess-“ he stumbles forward over the edge of a carpet and you catch him a little. His large fingers tumbling through your small ones. tangling and untangling. “I guess I just wanted to be your groom for a day too.” 

- “So you thought you’d take me out on a date and get me all dolled up for what?” Taehyung can tell you got the idea of what he’s going for now, a small smile tugging at your lips and Taehyung feels like he’s won a prize. He nudges your shoulder with his; leaning close like it’s a secret, “I even have a picnic basket.”

- You giggle at his wink and Tae directs you to the dress. But you kick him out. The stylists give him a look, shuffling around with their things and cleaning up. But he holds up his hands. “Apparently I’m not supposed to see her until the grad reveal” they nod- like this is some sort of unspoken rule but sue him- Taehyung wants to see you look pretty in the dress he picked out. 

- Taehyung thinks he’s prepared to see you in the not-wedding- wedding dress- but he’s not. You knock the breath out of him. The shade of your lipstick the same tone as your dress just more saturated. It fists you better than Taehyung dreamed it would. And truly- you look like a princess at a ball- or at the very least a fairy. 

- Taehyung holds out his hand, The picture of a gentleman. You still look unsure, but you take his hand anyway. You stop when you see yourself in the mirror. Unable to believe that really you look this different in makeup, but the makeup artists really are talented. You look ethereal. The blush on your cheeks just enough to feel like a natural flush. Your lashes long and pillowy and thick, your lips bitten looking and buttery red pink. 

- You walk up to the glass and touch the surface, certain for a moment that this really is a fairytale and you have fallen down the rabbit hole like Alice. You don’t say anything, and neither does Tae- he just takes your hand and spins you under his arm, your dress flares out around you- swishing with the heavy weight of many layers of fabric and tulle. And you let yourself fall into his arms like some damsel and tae your knight in his swept back golden hair. 

- “I’m going to buy you every dress like this in the world if it makes you smile like this my love” normally he wouldn’t refer to you as my love- but today- when everything is a fairytale- it almost feels fitting. You are smiling, and you give yourself another long look in the mirror before you turn on him. Dimly aware that some of the makeup artists are swooning at the picture you paint. 

- for once, you have to admit- you look well matched. 

- “I was promised a date Kim Taehyung” you say, a smile toying at the edge of your lips. Taehyung holds out his hand, bowing at the waist. “It would be my honor of having you accompany me Ms. Y/l/n.” 

- “That’s ‘your highness’ to you” and both of you can’t help but let out a giggle at the ridiculous farce. Your ‘chariot’ is nothing more than Taehyung’s car. The one you’re used to taking. And the drive isn’t all that far away. an hour at most. 

- Far below- the ocean turns the sea spray and distant rumbling the only clue to the shore below you. You almost want to swoon at the picture that Taehyung had set up, flowers laid out on the white blanket, food and other things, a Bluetooth speaker set up playing soft music. Taehyung makes sure to lay out the food. And feed you mouthfuls of sweet figs that taste sweeter when he licks the juice off of your tongue. 

- After lunch Taehyung takes a few polaroid’s of you. Because even if Jungkook is doing what he promised, Taehyung still wants ones that are taken from his hands. He gets a few of you, stretched out against the white blanket, your arched enticingly without your shoes on, discarded in the grass. It could be a boudoir photo-shoot with the way it makes Taehyung’s mouth go dry, if not for the way the lace clings to your body. Covering the bits Tae wants to see. His hands hot and heavy on your calf, and sliding up.  

- He thinks of actually doing a boudoir photo-shoot with you, considers the likelihood of you agreeing to it. he imagines your body bare against heavenly silks, hips hiked up to show off the curve of your ass. one day- Taehyung will convince you to model for him that way. Even if he suffers through the whole thing feeling as strung out as he does now.

- After lunch you take the stairs down to the water's edge and take your shoes off. Running in the sea spray, Taehyung gets a few more photos of you like that. Laughing at a joke he’s said, holding your dress up and out of the water. Collecting little shells that you shove into the pocket of his suit. 

- All in all- by the time you get back up the rocky staircase and back to clean things up- your lipstick is kissed off your mouth, you have sand in the bottom of your shoes, and you smell more like sea spray than expensive perfume. But you feel pretty and delicate in a way that you’ve never felt before. And you’re certain that it’s all because of Tae. Taehyung’s used up all of the rolls of film that he brought- and he’s sure jungkook has too. between the two of them they’ve probably taken over 300 photos of you. 

- “Did I do a good job today?” Taehyung asks on the drive home, always a good sucker for some good old words of affirmation. Stopping for fast food because- what his princess wants- his princess gets. “The best” you say. Head tipped back against the seat, already looking sleepy, Taehyung’s suit jacket pulled across your shoulders. “You really are my prince charming Tae.

- And he is- even if the dragon that needs slaying in one firmly locked inside of your head. Taehyung will help you defeat it, even if it takes 100 days and 100 different dresses. 

- Taehyung ends up buying you more dresses. Every color. And your new game becomes finding more of them. taehyung collects pointlessly pretty things to make you feel more beautiful, and he loves every moment of it. 

- When the photos come back from Jungkook (a secret they had actually managed to keep) your eyes go wide as you take in the photos, so much clearer than the ones that tae had taken on his polaroid camera. You paint a gorgeous picture together, him in his green that matches the grass and you- as delicate as the flowers around you. 

- But your favorite thing about the photos- isn’t how you look (though you have to admit for once- that you did look beautiful) it’s the way Taehyung is looking at you. He’s looking at you like he’s aching, like It hurts to be parted from you even an inch. 

- There is one series of three photos that you like the most. Where you’ve closed your eyes and are leaning back in the sun and his hair is shining, one moment he’s not holding your hand and he’s frowning, looking so jaggedly honest and thoughtful, and then next your hand is in his and he’s smiling brighter than the sun. 

- You hang the photos in your living room. And next to the other photos you have, you don’t look nearly as happy as you do in those. It’s your smile that's different. When you look at the polaroids that tae’s taken of you. You’re smiling at him behind the camera, and you think even if it weren’t for the makeup and the dress- you still think you’d look beautiful in the photos. 

- happiness- the kind that comes unburdened by insecurity- looks good on you, and if you can get that by love- by being in love and being loved with your pain instead of despite it, then it’s all the more beautiful. 

- you go on more ‘pretty dates’ as you like to call them. and Taehyung watches you change slowly- but it’s for the better. As you don’t shy away from your reflection, wear longer dresses and prettier things without thinking. Wear that shade of lipstick again, and even go out wearing nothing at all on your face and seem not to feel anything. Taehyung knows it’s a struggle some days still- and yet you make it look so effortless. 

- it's the worst when tae comes home and he finds whatever outfit you picked out for yourself already hung back up- and he’ll whine and beg you to put it on again until you eventually concede. Capturing them in black and white, in technicolor, in isolated swatches of red and blue. he loves taking pictures- especially if theyre of you.  

- The picture wall gets added to in the future, until there is no more space in your living room. You call taehyung an obsessive flirt when he insists on hanging them up and he calls you his muse. You go on more not wedding wedding dates. And it’s no surprise to either of you when one-day someone- a fan spots and you soon pictures of you are plastered all over the internet- stories about a secret wedding between taehyung and a mystery girl. 

-  And in the end- it doesn't feel like you give up much with the unintended outing of your relationship. Taehyung couldn’t take it back even if he wanted to and he doesn't. now he gets to hold your hand and go out in public. “No- we’re not married yet. But we have been dating for a while so please respect our privacy.” He tells the reporters when he gets ambushed. And after a few stressful months where you lean into each other more than ever, things calm down. 

- You have to be a little more secretive after that, careful when and where you plan your ‘pretty dates’ or so Taehyung has liked to call them. A sudden rush of seaside weddings this season makes that difficult and is entirely due to you and your pictures. it seems that you have become an unintended trend setter. the dress you wore selling out too. 

- The hits of his love are always there, in every photograph, in every dress that appears in your closet, in ever tender moments. other hits are there too- hints of more love to come. when Taehyung asks you out for another pretty date, careful to make sure you get your hair done and your nails too. His nervousness written all over his face and his actions. 

- And when you find a ring box, hidden in the pocket of one of Taehyung’s sweatpants the morning you’re supposed to go on your date, You’re not surprised in the slightest. 

- You keep your discovery a secret. After all you only have a few hours to wait.  

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