#of the social-pressure-i'm-still-trans variety

[boygirldykething]

just until it's safe.

[Image ID:

A gray figure on a solid-colour bright red background. They have long hair and bangs, what would be considered a feminine appearance. Their eyes are hidden by their bangs and the downward angle of their head obscures their mouth, so no emotion or personality can be determined from their face. They're curled up, knees pulled up and arms crossed loosely across their chest, like they're sheltering something with their body. Underneath their arms, fully visible as though their arms were transparent, is a tiny figure coloured like the trans flag. He has short hair, and is curled up in a similar way to the gray figure, knees pulled to his chest, but he seems more tense than protective. He's partially hiding his face in his hands, his eyes are wide, and he's shaking.

End ID]

[cakesandfail]

Do you believe that the situation with trans rights in Britain is hopeless? I'm Australian but Britain means a lot to me, and I feel despair easily. I know all about the Cass report and everything else. One British mutual thinks that Labour and Keir Starmer might be better than they seem once they get in, or at least lobby-able, after seeing their immediate U-turn on anti-Semitism after voting Corbyn out (she's Jewish). But part of me's scared that it's false hope.

No, I don't think it's hopeless, and here's why:

The majority of British people aren't transphobic.

A lot of people aren't very knowledgeable about gender identity or the process of transitioning, and a lot of people aren't aware of whether they even know any trans people, but the really vicious stuff is very much an issue with the government and the media here. If you ask the average British cis woman whether a trans woman should be using the ladies loos, she'll give you a funny look and go "...yeah, obviously?" For the most part, people here think transitioning is your own personal business and they don't really care about how/when/why you're doing it.

A great deal of the transphobia being peddled by the UK media is coming from white, middle-class, heterosexual cis women who think that misogyny is the only form of oppression because that's the only one they have personally experienced. Those women aren't exclusively bigoted towards trans people- the COVID-19 lockdowns showed that when they all started kicking off about how they should still be able to force their cleaners to come to work- but essentially the only women with enough social capital to break through into traditionally male-dominated areas like politics and journalism LOVE to pull the ladder up behind them, set it on fire, and then stomp on the fingers of anyone who tries to follow them anyway. They are not representative of the wide variety of people in this country, in either their identity or their opinions.

I will say that I don't entirely trust Labour on this given Starmer's willingness to engage with all the "but what is a woman?!?!?" bullshit and the fact that Rosie Duffield is still in the party despite her blatant transphobia. But yes, some of them are potentially open to political pressure that the Tories wouldn't be. It's very much a 'lesser of two evils' situation.

I wish things were better. We're due to have a general election by the end of the year and I don't feel particularly good about voting for anyone who has a hope in hell of forming a functional government, on this issue or any others. But the kind of people you meet on a day to day basis are far better than the ones who run the place would have you believe.

[osokasstuff]

sex is a social construct.

there is no such thing as a single biological sex(tm), which includes all the sex traits (and social stuff associated with having these sex traits). there are a lot of sex traits that often happen to co-occur, but there are no inevitable necessity in it.

sex is a social construct. no single sex trait guarantees the presentation of another. XX chromosomes don't guarantee having a vagina, or not having a penis, or having ovaries, or not having testes, etc. sex traits are connected by long chains of factors, and change in every factor can impact anything. it's very, very complicated, and i'm done with the useless and harmful simplification of it.

hot take, but "sex" is bullshit. "sex" as a singular is fucking bullshit. people who try to appeal to "sex" as some kind of biological reality are misinformed as fuck. chromosomes are biological reality. organs and body parts are biological reality. hormones and hormonal receptors are biological reality. but sex? no. sex is completely made up.

i'm so done with chromosome investigation. like, you have a really long and complicated chain of consequences that leads to body look and functions, and you randomly pick the very first link of it and proclaim it as the most true proof of someone sex(tm)? "but chromosomes—" FUCK YOU chromosomes there are genes which encode having a tail in your chromosomes, should we treat you like a basically walking tail? and oh, you DON'T KNOW your chromosomes if you weren't cariotyped, so suck your shit in and sit still. no, your [insert genitals] doesn't prove you have [insert chromosomes] even if you were born with them. live in fear like we do.

single "sex" is so rude round-up that it should be considered a math nonsense. it's disappointing to see advocation for the usage of "sex" in the medical/scientific field because it literally creates false expectations and wrong conclusions.

examples:

(1) "males are more at risk of being color blind"

(2) "females are more at risk of developing osteoporosis"

these statements are medical concerns. they're seen as "scientifical truth." but what do they actually refer to? and how doctors (who were taught these ideas) will treat them?

(1) actually refers to genes. having two X chromosomes passed from two parents makes it less likely to be color blind because accotiated proteins are encoded in X chromosome. more variety (2X chromosomes from different parents) -> more opportunities to have working genes. does it have something with having a vagina or gender mark in legal papers? NO. but what will doctors do when they see a patient and assess the likelihood of them being color blind? cariotype them or look at their papers/appearance? it's not so important with color blindness because it gets evaluated by special images, but there are tons of other conditions associated with having or not having 2X chromosomes passed from different parents, and doctors may not assume/less likely assume them because of your fucking single "sex".

(2) actually refers to hormone levels. estrogen increases the risk of calcium loss from bones. does it have anything to do with genitalia or gender mark or appearance or whatever? NO. and the field for mistake is huge.

and there are more. every time when actual medical guides refer to "sex," they actually mean tons of different traits (and sometimes tons of prejudices, too). but people shove all of them under the single "sex" label, and it erases all real factors underlying these correlations. it misinformes people who need to be properly informed.

and advocating for this shitty awful idea as for a "biological reality" even from trans* people? it's so disheartening.

sex is no more biological than gender. sex is no more real than gender. sex is a social construct, and it's awful, oppressive, violent, and misinforming one.

i can see some positive things in gender. not gender roles, or pressure, or expectations, or oppressive systems, just gender. because it's identity & performance. it's a way for people to express and explain themselves. but sex? sex is awful, useless, and give us literally less than nothing.

abolish the sex.

[velvetvexations]

it's different for all of us <3

I'm happy to have provided that relief!

so even in very progressive and trans pockets of the kink scene, you'll still often find carried-over attitudes that implicitly "center" subs in the scene--workshops are catered to subs. writing is from the perspective of the subs' desires. doms are treated with suspicion if they're not directing their attention to a specific sub. etc.

and a lot of this creates a *really bad* environment for transfem doms in particular to feel comfortable openly expressing sexuality and desire, because the dom stigma is *pre-existing* on top of vanilla society already portraying transfems as predatory. and in the scene locally at least, transfems are generally only *provisionally* seen as women due to presenting as "soft" and intentionally effeminate, so that adds another layer on top of it--acting too dominant in the scene will often get you misgendered by people subconsciously associating dominance with manhood.

and then we get into how that crosses over with the intracommunity pressure from the transfem side of things to adhere to gendered stereotypes in order to be seen as a woman by your fellow girls, and how part of that is "kindly" meant pressure to cast away dominant and aggressive behaviors with the argument that girls are only performing them because they feel they have to conform to male social roles, but nobody likes it when i bring that up because nobody wants to admit there's intracommunity problems in trans groups 🙄 but the intracommunity problem does bleed over into the kink scene in my experience

IDK, I don't really have a problem with the idea that transfem dom content might be rare for a variety of reasons, but so are a doms in general when you compare them to subs, and I believe OP when she said she wasn't trying to say that trans women are inherently subby but she did phrase her point in a way that made it sound like a very similar sentiment I've seen a lot.

- Trans fem meetup group. Previously run by a trans woman who moved away. There was no group for almost a year before a non binary person started it up again. Huge FB outcry over this not being a trans woman and ppl bullied them into making a public post confirming they were AMAB and identify as trans fem. They have posted that they would be happy to hand the group over to a trans woman if people would be more comfortable with that but nobody is interested in taking it over. (2/5)

- General trans/intersex/etc advocacy group. Run by an intersex person who could be considered trans masc, I don't know if they identify that way. Pretty much everyone else I know of involved is trans fem aside from one cis woman, I don't know everyone involved though.- Radical trans group who organise protests etc. Leadership is all trans fem last I checked. They have some trans masc members and try to have some equality in representation re: who makes speeches at events. (3/5)

So, imho this is fairly balanced insofar as groups just tend to be organised by local people willing/interested in organising and so there is rarely any kind of perfectly equal distribution of who organises them. If one or two people quit or move the entire "balance" can be thrown one way or another. But there is so much hue and cry from a loud minority about how "all" the local groups are "run by trans mascs". (4/5)

Including ppl claiming "all the meetup groups are run by trans mascs" & when ppl point out the person running the trans fem group is trans fem you get "You know what I mean". Yeah, I know what you mean, and it's not good! (5/5)

Good analysis, anon!

Small minds have limited storage capacity.

[iamyelling]

so frustrating seeing people be Wrong! on the internet!! and i (feel like) i can't respond bc all like "ohhh it's a distraction! does it really matter? stop ~discoursing~ and just be positive and uplift the community and don't ARGUE because it's like neeegative and stuff!! youre doing the enemy's work this is what the transphobes want! daring to even discuss a simple thing is basically the same as calling trans people groomers actually!!" and so i'm like fine ok i'll keep my mouth shut haha but i'm just over here like grrrr this is so STUPID you all are so STUPID! have some nuance! also nobody is saying that aghghghghgh

okay this is about that ridiculous discourse about "don't call people eggs" / is it bad or okay or funny or problematic to joke about someone being closeted about being trans when you see them exhibiting slight gender nonconformity.

what i have said is it is not cool, it is in poor taste. when i say it is 'inappropriate' i don't mean like in the groomer way jesus christ i mean in the socially it's not kind or the thing to do. i am of this opinion because i have always heard from many people of a variety of gender experiences that is makes them very uncomfortable and it feels very invasive and they do not appreciate it and it does not help them at all. i think whether these comments are being made to their face or privately in a separate group, it is still not cool. i do not think it makes anyone like Problematic, i just think it's like a broooo that's not a cool thing to do knock it off sideye type of thing. i think that people one, should be given the freedom - without PRESSURE! - to come to an understanding of who they are in their own time without pestering or pressuring or interrogation or anything. i ALSO think that someone exhibiting small or even HUGE gender nonconformity does not mean they are secretly not the gender they say they are. GNC cis people exist and have always existed and will continue to exist. don't put pressure on people like "oooh what are you REALLY?? i don't think you're REALLY a woman you're just gonna turn into a man because youre so masculine. just wait! you'll realize!!" is SO inappropriate how do you not see that? it's so in poor taste. it's not funny its not cute just knock it off!

i absolutely understand the urge and desire to search for hints and clues of your own transness from before you (general you) realized, when you were an egg / before you transitioned. i totally get that. i do that all the time too. i understand wanting to be able to point to evidence and proof that it was there all along. this is totally okay to do to your own past self! or with your friends who you know and they are talking about their own past self! it's not okay to say this to other people or to strangers or to people you do know you aren't okay with it or who tell you they are the gender that they are.

who does it help to make these 'jokes'? you're saying they're just an egg waiting to crack and they just don't know it yet. youre saying you know more about who they are than they know about themselves. i understand saying this in private, or about certain dead celebrities, or about oneself, but its something else when you say it about another regular person. who is it helping to enforce rigid gender boundaries? who is it helping to say someone is just yet to figure out their gender, for being gender nonconforming? can you not appreciate who they are as they are now? what is it about the joke that makes it funny? is it that you wish someone had told you maybe you were trans? imagine if they had made this same joke about you when you were an egg/closeted? how would you have felt? i imagine for many people it makes them feel defensive and pushes them further into the closet. maybe not you though idk of course everyones different! but maybe you wish you had figured your gender out sooner? maybe you are mourning all the lost time? maybe you wish the someone had helped you sooner? the way they would do that is gently and hinting and hand holding, it's not by making jokes about the smallest nonconformities. ask yourself where is the desire to make these jokes coming from, for you? do you want to prove to yourself that you had a 'tell'? that you were different and distinguishable from cis people? do you want to make yourself feel or appear more worldly and experienced? do you want to be able to clock people and have a gaydar and prove to others that you can? do you want to feel superior to other trans folks? do you want to feel connected to other trans folks, and fit in? all these questions i mean genuinely - they are for you to answer and think about! no judgement whatever the answers may be. maybe you dont even have answers for most of em it's just worth thinking about.

the problem here is that it's invasive and it makes people feel highly scrutinized, when they are in a more tender and delicate state. maybe they are an egg! maybe they are closeted! maybe they are gnc cis! regardless of what they "really" are, let them be. let people be. it's presumptuous and in poor taste.

again. it does not make anyone big P Problematic. it is absolutely not anything anyone should be cancelled over (unless theyre like making a whole brand out of scrutinizing gnc people or something.. don't do that. jeez. but nobody's doing that omg thank god can you imagine??). i'm not saying anyone is pressuring people into being trans, i'm saying these people feel "under pressure" - it makes them feel very observed and scrutinized and uncomfortable. i'm also absolutely not calling anyone a groomer jesus fuckin christ!! i don't think anyone is saying that! or at least anyone who is saying that is obviously a transphobe and it's certainly not what i'm saying. i can’t help you if you’re choosing to misinterpret what i’m saying.

like fine! if these egg jokes are truly so important to transfem culture like fine go for it. honestly! if you understand all this and youre going about it carefully and cognizant of the impacts and stuff i think it's fine. i don't think it's perfectly harmless i think you just gotta be a little careful and not get carried away.

do i think this is a Big Deal? no. it’s not our biggest problem. i still think i’m allowed to say my piece on it though! like we’re not running out of tumblr space lol it costs nothing to just talk about it

[electriccenturies]

I can't stop thinking about this, I wanna talk about it more... it's not just "sexism and sex based violence upsets me" because, yeah, of course it does. That's normal. It's the "does it make a difference where the dysphoria came from?" part that I'm really thinking about.

What I have/had is definitely secondary dysphoria, caused by a variety of nameable factors aside from gender, but is that relevant? Especially with something like this, where it's beyond me personally.

I'm starting to think no? Or maybe it depends how you define trans. I really struggle with the question of "was I ever trans?", because I could answer it a million different ways, and this is kind of testing that for me — is discomfort with being female the same as discomfort with being a woman? Is it possible to be circumstantially trans, or is it a timeless thing?

I think I could make an argument for either. I think I could argue that I both was and wasn't misinterpreting my feelings.

I also think it's weird that people tend to conflate social influence with peer pressure, and that they see it as inherently negative or false (or falseness mattering). This specific thing for me is pure social influence, but it's like... cultural influence, not a direct thing that happened to me. It had nothing to do with transgender anything. I don't think you can cause dysphoria in someone, just influence them to label it as that. But again — does that make a difference on an identity level? And maybe even on a medical level? I probably would not have called my feelings gender related without social media, but I still would have been dysphoric, which ruins the ROGD narrative. I think that's my issue with ROGD even though the label DOES fit my personal experience in a sense; it's too neat and tidy and it got co-opted by assholes. But then the whole political football thing kicks in and nobody reasonable can acknowledge it, which is silly because it very obviously does happen and it makes people look foolish when they insist it never happens at all and that it doesn't mean anything at all.

Complicated! Idk what I think is true anymore, for basically anything conceptual like this.

Wrote this as part of a larger exploration of my dysphoria, and, not to be obnoxious but, I really like it and I feel like it’s insightful enough that I want to share it because it’s like a light bulb went off for me. The first 90% is mostly for background and context, it’s the line at the end I really like. I feel like I figured something out about myself.

It’s about me, for the record. Just about me. First person singular.

(Re: the root of my dysphoria about my reproductive organs, which is much stronger than just hating having a period or whatever (strong enough that this was a major piece of evidence I used to justify my need to medically transition))

For one thing, I have a very hard time separating myself from the hypothetical, and from the larger world around me.

I understood that there was no obligation for me to ever have children, that I would have countless contraceptive options available to me if I wanted to have a relationship with a man, and that I lived in a place where — though it would obviously be horrific — I could access abortion if I were raped. At the same time, I knew that if I had been born only a decade or two earlier there would have been immense societal pressure for me to have children whether I wanted them or not, and going back a little further, I likely would have had little say in the matter and basically been seen as property. I also knew this would still be the case in many parts of the world. This global/historical angle covered a lot of my discomfort with my femaleness, to be honest. It still does. It is so hard to separate the concrete femaleness of my body from the coincidental nature of the circumstances of my birth.

If time and place is the only thing separating me from being uncomfortable with my femaleness, does that mean I’m not trans? That was too philosophical for my teenage mind.

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

Hey!! Could you make Eddie fall in love with a short, transgender boy who is a highly judged hippie because of his style and calm way of talking? :]

Hi! I'll do my best!

Eddie Munson x Trans!Male Reader

Send me request here! Currently writing for Eddie Munson. I write for a variety of reader inserts (male, female, gender neutral, POC too).

The more details you had to your request, the better it is for me. EX: "What about some fluff for Eddie after he's had a long day?"

Feel free to look through my masterlist here!

__________________________

Eddie doesn't even need to go into the pharmacy if he's honest. He's not sick. Wayne's not. But Eddie waltzes into the place, by passing the displays of makeup, and sunscreen and ducks behind the slightly higher than chest high aisle of supplements. A few feet behind the aisle, past the condoms, feminine hygiene products, and diapers sits the checkout counter.

And just behind the counter--the stacks of boxes nearly swallowing you whole, and hair following to shoulders--is the real reason Eddie is here. It's ridiculous really. Eddie feels like some school girl, trying to hide his blush and gaze. He picks up a bottle, the pills rattling inside at the action and Eddie watches you grab a box from the pile on the counter next to you and hitch it onto your hip.

The store is relatively empty. A few people are behind Eddie at the pharmacy window to pick up prescriptions but no one's just shopping the aisle. And it doesn't shock Eddie that no one is. It's 3:30 PM on a Tuesday afternoon. Most adults are still not off from work and the schools have just let out. But Eddie is here, not really reading the ingredients of the back of some supplement bottle to see if he can work up the nerve to talk to you.

It's not like it would hard. You're nice, approachable in ways that others may be annoyed by, but you're always thoughtful in your responses. Eddie first noticed you in his second attempt at second year mostly in glances and in passing. The two of you occupied vastly differing social spheres and as much as Eddie fronts about conforming, he needed a social pack that wouldn't shun him. Not satisifed by what he noticed he created his own and it came a particular brand.

Which is not to say that Eddie scared you off or wanted to scare you off, it was just that the pressure of high schools still seemed more important in terms of suriving. But six months ago, in the height of the summer, Eddie ran into this pharmacy for a quick soda and extra bandaids. And that's when he noticed how you smiled gently at everyone and he noticed how much when you spoke, it soothed him and made his heart flutter. He'd since been trying to find any and every reason to come into the store without it seeming excessive.

"I didn't take you as a health conscious being," you laugh. The words are soft and carrying the air of a pause between each of them.

Eddie snaps his head over at you, slightly lost in a different realm of existence. He read Vitamin C and spaced a little trying to think about making it look convincing that he might be overselling the surprise. Eddie laughs, "Folks keep warning me smoking's going to kill me one day so maybe I'm trying to slow it down."

You nod. "Only way to do that for good is to give up the smokes."

Eddie shrugs. "You're probably right."

"We've got nicotine gum on aisle 7. Unfortunately, this is not a grocery store, so no cold turkeys."

It's a terrible pun. You knew that when you made it, but Eddie's grin is bright. It makes your heart flutter and have to be careful that it doesn't flutter too much given the bandages around your chest. Now speaking of chest, you shift the box to your front hoping it helps with the pressure too.

Eddie's snort is fast and hard. "You really should be ashamed of--"

"Do you have to work as slow as you talk? I'd like to check out please."

You nod at the customer behind Eddie. He doesn't look to see who it is out fear he might walk out of here in handcuffs with sore knuckles. "I'll be happy to assist right after I finish with my first customer." It is practiced and measured response from the months that you've been working here.

The being huffs behind Eddie and he risks a quick glimpse over his shoulder--Mrs. Dobrzynski. She's always had a snippy attitude. "I didn't mean to be in the way," Eddie starts. "I'm sorry."

"No," you return evenly. "You have nothing to apologize for. If it's okay, I'll handle her and then back. Feel free to peruse all our wares."

Eddie gives a nod, watching you return to the counter. The checkout only takes a couple of minutes to ring up the handful of makeup items she has and she huffs the entire time as you check her out. Her heels click harshly before she ducks back out into the harsh and bitter winter winds.

Eddie watches you approach, bottle of supplements still in hand that he has no intention of buying at all. But he can't seem to put them back as he watches over you face. It's not as soft as it once was, but just behind that too Eddie feels the edge of excitement. "Did you cut your hair?" he asks.

You smile just a little, hearing the genuineness to his tone and the smile painting his lips helps too. "I did."

"I like it. Makes you look even more handsome." Eddie offers the last part softly. He's noticed. Though he doesn't know a lot. He's noticed the way you've made it clear to those you care to pay attention.

You didn't anticipate Eddie to catch on, but when he utters handsome you think for the first time you're glad you don't have to fully say it. "Thank-thank you."

"Do-" Eddie stops the sentence, kicking the toe of his sneaker into the floor. He looks at you, down a few inches due to the height difference. "Would you like to go out sometime?"

"What-what do you have in mind?" Your voice is softer than normal and Eddie thinks it might be a good sign that you asked about specifics rather than the joyful yes he was anticipating.

"I know the arcade is probably lame, but there and then a movie? Or wherever is going to make you feel the most comfortable."

"No, the arcade and a movie sounds nice. I'd like that." There's the pauses again--the way the sentence falls smoothly from your lips and Eddie's grateful for the sound to ease the thundering of his heart. You can feel the sweat now pooling and you can't tell if it's the binding or the heat of slight embarrassment warming your body.

Eddie smiles. "When are you free?"

"Thursday is my day off. I can meet you at the arcade say 5?"

Eddie would like to pick you up, treat you like a gentleman should, but he nods. "5 sounds good. It's-it's all on me."

"I'm a working man, c'mon. Don't underestimate me," you laugh.

"I don't think I am, actually. Just--want to treat you right," it comes out softly and nowhere as smooth as Eddie would like it to be.

"You do," you return simply. "You already do."

Eddie, as he walks out of the store, fists pumps proud of himself for not making a complete fool out of himself. That is until he catches some laughter and he spins to spot you, work shirt traded in now for a winter coat. A backpack strap is clear over the brown coat. "You didn't see that," Eddie warns.

You hold up your hands. "I didn't see anything. See you Thursday."

"Thursday," he grins. Eddie watches you back out of the spot and start onto the street, chest still filling with pride. He prays that Thursday comes quick.

[consange-interviews]

Love & Stigma: An Older Sister's Feelings

The freedom to fall in love is often taken for granted, but in many countries there are still laws legislating against adult, consensual relationships. Often touted as protection for children, laws against gay or consanguineous relationships do nothing more than cause anguish for those who have found themselves with these feelings.

Feelings of love should be cherished, and law dictating such feeling does nothing but harm those who would otherwise have a chance to grow their feelings into something beautiful. In the following interview, I have the privilege to talk to a young lady who has romantic feelings, and has continued to be affected negatively by these laws.

How would you describe yourself? Your gender, age range, romantic orientation?

Well, I guess I would say that I'm a lesbian trans woman in her early 20's, that's a succinct description.

And the person you have feelings for? How would you describe them, and your relation to them?

She's my younger sister, also early 20's, and she's cisgender and bisexual.

Could you elaborate on what feelings you have for your younger sister?

So many feelings, honestly, I obviously love her like a sister, just, I'm also *in* love with her too, romantically, very gay in fact.

Most people would view having both romantic and familial feelings as a contradiction. Do you find these feelings come in conflict often? Or are they complimentary?

Hmm, I wouldn't say they come into direct conflict a majority of the time, in fact I would actually say they are mostly complimentary, a lot of what goes into being a good sister and being a good partner has to do with caring for and respecting who you love; though, they do come into conflict in, at least, my own desire for romantic connection versus the platonic expression of familial and sisterly love.

How long have you had the romantic feelings for your sister?

Honestly? I couldn't say definitively. A lot of my childhood and teenage years were emotionally muddled from a variety of factors, not least of all being trans gender without realizing it.

But I do know that I've always cared for my sister and can say for certainly that I knew I was in love about 4 years ago now.

In those four years would you say you experienced self-hate or hardships due to your feelings for your sister?

Yes, I dealt with a lot of self-hatred and self-loathing, compounding my love for her with a variety of other issues.

If there was a lesser stigma against these feelings, do you think you would have had an easier time?

Absolutely, just meeting other people dealing with these feelings online helped me immensely, if I didn't have to worry about the social stigma or consequences, can't even imagine how much that would've changed things.

Do you think your sister would be supportive of people in relationships similar to the one you desire?

I don't know, honestly, she's been very progressive and accepting of others, even supporting me in my transition, but I'm not sure how much that would translate when it's something widely considered "taboo" and "disgusting".

If incest were legal where you lived, do you think she would have an easier time accepting it?

Perhaps, definitely wouldn't hurt though, at least.

Do you have any plans to talk to your sister about your feelings?

At present? No, none at all, trying to repair a relationship and be closer as sisters is hard enough without adding more pressure and risk like that, unfortunately.

Maybe in the future, maybe.

Would it change if the law were to change in the near future?

Absolutely would change my plans, probably wouldn't immediately confess my undying love right then and there, but I'd be more confident in sharing that part of myself with her, even if she didn't reciprocate.

Thank you so much for talking to me. Before we finish the interview, do you have anything you'd like to say to people who experience similar feelings?

Thank you for having me! And to anyone else struggling with these feelings, it's okay, you're not broken or perverse, you're just in love and that's wonderful <3

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

Do you have any advice for writing a setting that would basically be a look into Earth 20-30 years after Animorphs happened? I like your exploration of post-canon so I'm curious about your thoughts about what further in the future might look like.

Biggest piece of advice: research galactic suburbia, and then figure out how to avoid it.

Galactic suburbia refers to any work of fiction set in a time and/or place that has no logical reason to reflect the social divisions of the author’s own time and place, and yet does.  It’s more obvious in works from earlier eras, such as how 2001: A Space Odyssey is filled with people acting out mid-1960s white American gender roles... in space!  But it’s definitely still present today; everything from Mistborn to Kingkiller Chronicles to The Expanse to Six of Crows will either pretend that sexism doesn’t exist in that universe or that sexism was solved years ago, while still portraying female characters as concerned with ornamenting themselves and male characters concerned with being in charge in order to ascribe to gender norms.  Obviously, this can be applied across identities — don’t get me started the way some sci fi works decide to address ableism through removing all disabled people from existence, because if that’s not American eugenics then I don’t know what is.

Some books that do an excellent job of breaking out of this trap: 

City of Thieves takes place in a culture that definitely has sexism, but cut along different lines than contemporary American culture — women are the source of all bloodlines, men are considered more expendable, and family units are comprised of adult siblings working together to raise children whose fathers are usually unknown.

Ancillary Justice is narrated by a character who comes from a culture with no conceptualization of gender, who frequently makes gaffes while navigating a culture with gender norms.

The Left Hand of Darkness takes a society where all people change sex as they age, and plays out that thought experiment into every aspect of the culture.

The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet is about a crew from a variety of cultures working together, including one character who comes from a culture with no nudity taboos where group sex is an everyday pastime and a different character who comes from a rigidly conservative Earth society, both of whom have to learn to respect each other’s differences.

Please note: I’m just rolling with the sexism example because it’s what came to mind, but it’s not hard to extend this to Inexplicably Homophobic Fantasy Cultures, Kingdom of White = Might = Right, etcetera.  All of those examples also have excellent subversion of or commentary upon racism, heteronormativity, classism, ableism, or all of the above.

ANYWAY, Animorphs.

A few ways I could see the technologies and cultural shifts of Animorphs having a long-term impact:

At least some people, at least some of the time, can change their bodies into completely different bodies.

Plus: probably greater ability for trans or disabled people to transform themselves for their own comfort and quality of life, with interesting implications for gender confirmation.

Minus: probably greater pressure upon disabled and trans people to “just change your body!” while ignoring all of the reasons they might be perfectly happy how they are and/or not in a position legally or financially to take on a whole new appearance.

Turns out, mind control is a thing.  And it’s perpetrated by alien slugs.

Plus: probably interesting neuroscience research implications, if all participants involved give their fully informed consent first.

Minus: everything I explored in Eleutherophobia.  Outsized fear of morph-capable hosts.  Inappropriate jokes about “I didn’t scratch your car; aliens made me do it.”  Suggestions that some people (i.e. no one I know) should just let yeerks control them because they can’t run their own lives.  Legal messes around intentionality.

Humans are not alone in the universe, and a lot of our neighbors are sentient.

Plus: cross-seeding of ideas, probably to the benefit of all cultures’ science and technology and arts.  Redefining of rights and protections, ideally to include hork-bajir and taxxons.  Broken view of humans as the center of the universe, or even the most important species on the planet.

Minus: whole new batch of prejudices.  Probably some people straight-up wanna annihilate the hork-bajir and taxxons, and feel comfortable saying so in public.

Andalites and humans canonically swapped z-space technology for Krispy Kreme recipes.

Plus: lots of new opportunities for humans to learn from andalites with regard to interstellar travel, peaceful breakup of urban centers, and how to run a society filled with lots of morphers.

Minus: you know that one American friend we all have who is, like, uncomfortably obsessed with British culture?  To the point of writing “colour” and saying “petrol”?  You know how that one person treats British culture as automatically being more valid and sophisticated than other cultures, and doesn’t take constructive criticism about that view being just an eensy bit imperialist as fuck?  Yeeeeaaaah, now just imagine it’s a human doing that with andalites.

That’s not meant to be an exhaustive list, just a bunch of spitballing to give you an idea of what I’m talking about.  Rather than asking how cars and cell phones would change in light of z-space technology, instead consider asking how flying and intergalactic phones would change us as a society.

[freedom-of-fanfic]

I'm curious for your thoughts on this subject. I dislike the way antis use the term "yaoi" and "fujoshi" since I feel like these terms were created to mean specific things (in Japanese culture) and antis often apply it without considering differences between slash and yaoi. Also, I dislike the way they use yaoi to pretty much mean fetishizing mlm/content, and fujoshi as fetishizing women since both terms are from Japan and I feel weird seeing these terms associated with fetishizing.

I also am really bothered by the way English fandom has adopted genre words from Japan to mean ‘the worst version of [x]/fans of [x]’. it feels like a form of looking down anything coming from Japan/Japanese culture and treating Japanese culture as the source of these ‘worst versions’.

(a lot of what follows is from light research I’ve done over the years and personal experience. It’s my opinion and experiences rather than a closely researched and heavily sourced essay.)

I think the reason for this weird English-speaking take is two-fold:

Americans/western culture interprets the Japanese subgenre ‘yaoi’ and its Japanese creators & fans through the lens of American/western culture and finds them wanting

the reinterpretation of the concept of ‘yaoi’ and ‘fujoshi’ in American/western culture and the unfortunate associations created as a result

Without going into historical depth, any western - particularly American - interaction with Japanese culture is an unequal one. Besides the ignominious end of WWII, the American army was the means of forcing Japan to reopen their borders in the 1850′s. And frankly: western culture has been obsessed with Japanese culture (and other East Asian cultures) for literal centuries. and we’ve been taking their cool shit and appropriating and bastardizing it for just as long.[$] 

the way that the words ‘yaoi’ and ‘fujoshi’ are being treated now is, in my opinion, an extension of this.

(this post was heavily updated on August 2-3rd, 2018, to add a lot more about the word ‘fujoshi’: it originally focused more on ‘yaoi’. huge thanks to blogs like @rottenboysclub​, @oh-suketora​, and @satans-tiddies​ for all the information they’ve put out on tumblr about these words.[%] )

American understanding of yaoi in Japan & its Japanese fans

Americans don’t understand yaoi or fujoshi in their original Japanese context, but we belittle and denigrate it as if we do.

BL (Boy’s Love) and its subgenre ‘yaoi’ seem to have a similar relationship to Japanese fans as ‘slashfic’ and mlm fiction does to American fans. But that doesn’t mean we understand yaoi/BL in the context of Japanese culture or that we interact with yaoi/BL the same way Japanese fans do.  Same for the word ‘fujoshi’ - a term that seems to have been coined in a derogatory context but was ‘reclaimed’ by the very female-aligned fans that it was meant to denigrate. (but more on ‘fujoshi’ later.)

In Japan, the word ‘yaoi’ is more equivalent to a Japanese acronym for the English ‘pwp’ (plot? what plot?) than a word referring to mlm. Like ‘pwp’ in its original usage, ‘yaoi’ indicates a fanwork or small-time/one-shot original work (doujinshi) that has little to no plot and/or focuses almost exclusively on the sex part of a fictional ship, though ‘yaoi’ is specifically applied to mlm-focused ‘plotless’ fanworks*.

(*it’s worth noting that - as mentioned in the wiki link above - the word ‘yaoi’ does not, on its own, have a meaning attached to BL. it has more to do with who adopted the acronym for common use: specifically, BL doujin writers.)

‘yaoi’ has fallen out of use in Japanese fan circles. ‘BL’ - ‘boy’s love’ - is the word which is more of an umbrella term for mlm in the way ‘slash’ is in English-speaking fandom, covering everything from explicit sex to soft pre-romance hand-holding. however, ‘yaoi’ was the word that became known as the Japanese-equivalent mlm fan genre to ‘slash’ in English-speaking circles, which had the unfortunate effect of leading English-speaking animanga fans to compare only the most tropey, explicit mlm content from Japanese fandom against all varieties of mlm ‘slash’ content from English-speaking fandom.

This was comparing apples to oranges; a more equivalent Western fandom comparison to Japanese ‘yaoi’ would probably be silly oneshot crackfic and kinkmeme fics. But the misapprehension was already in place and only got worse as some of the tropes of the explicit versions of yaoi genre doujinshi became increasingly known - the ‘seme’ (’top’) and ‘uke’ (’bottom’) and their supposedly male/female-like roles, the ‘rapey’ tendency to show the uke as crying and reluctant under an aggressive seme, etc.

These kinds of tropes don’t sit well with a modern American audience. And Japanese bl fans have had their own conversations about whether bl/yaoi is harmful to or supportive of Japanese gay culture (and long before Western / English-speaking fandom circles were having them, at least in a widespread way.)

But Americans are ill-equipped to judge the situation from the sidelines. To provide a few examples of things we generally don’t have cultural context on to truly understand yaoi (BL, tbh) and its Japanese fans:

LGBTQ+ culture in Japan

the Japanese flavor of gender essentialism

social and societal pressures on Japanese people, particularly women (trans, cis, and intersex) & nb ppl who identify as femme-aligned

what it means to be ‘feminine’ in Japan

strongly gendered roles in the bedroom (sex in Japan)

Without knowing all this, how can we understand why yaoi (or BL) is constructed the way it is? how can we understand what draws people to it, or how it sits with Japanese LGBTQ people?

But because many yaoi tropes don’t sit well with Americans in the context of our own culture and increasing openness to LGBT+/queer people, and because we’ve given yaoi a false equivalence with a western genre of fiction that has a much wider range of subject and form, we’re apt to look down on yaoi as ‘bad mlm’ and on its ‘fujoshi’ fans as genuinely ‘rotten women’.

The international reinterpretation of ‘yaoi’ & international yaoi fans

the other way the word ‘yaoi’ is used by many people in fandom-centric tumblr - anti and non-anti alike - is in reference to how Americans/Western fans ‘initially’ interacted with Japanese-sourced mlm (’initially’ being when yaoi became well-known enough for a noticeable interaction to appear in American/western geek subculture).

Manga and anime had a popularity boom in the US around 2003/2004 thanks to improving internet speeds and the 24-hour cartoon channel Cartoon Network looking for fresh animated content to air. Media companies caught on and a glut of manga and anime were officially licensed, translated, and sold overseas.

As the popularity of Japanese media grew, the word ‘yaoi’ became more popular and widely used in fandom circles, usually as a substitute for ‘slash’ or ‘gay’ (fictional mlm) when the source material for the fannish subject was Japanese in origin. I think this hit its peak around 2006-2007; at that time many teenage and young adult anime fans (primarily female/femme) who enjoyed slashfic/mlm fic called themselves ‘yaoi fans’. 

Why was ‘yaoi’ so popular in America/western culture? and why did its fans get such an awful reputation over time?

as for popularity, here’s a few aspects: 

Just another word for ‘slash’ - it wasn’t so much that yaoi as a publishing genre was popular as that there were a lot anime fans in fandom using the word ‘yaoi’ for their mlm fan content instead of the word ‘slash’. (and it still is used this way in some circles.)

male-attracted teen’s first fanservice - because of the size of the boom and the comparative diffidence of American marketers to young (male-attracted) people, a young anime fan’s first published media experience with the sexual ‘female gaze’ directed towards men was more likely to be sourced in Japanese BL content.

American gaze on Japanese male companionship - manga geared towards young men / perceived men in Japan (such as Shonen Jump titles) features a lot of male companionship and tight bonds of friendship. So does American media, but American male culture rarely allows men to touch one another in friendly ways (any gentle touch from a cis man is treated as expressing sexual interest).  Japanese male friendship culture lacks this physical distance. Guess how it was interpreted, and guess what kind of effect it had on American anime/manga fandom.

relatedly, this LGBT/queer read on Japanese-sourced masc-centric content, plus the willingness of works aimed towards femme audiences to present all-but-canon mlm relationships, probably functioned as a poor man’s substitute for the lack of LGBT representation in American media in some cases.

and some reasons for the terrible reputation ‘yaoi fans’ garnered:

American ‘yaoi fans’ in the mid-2000′s were mostly teenage girls/femme-aligned young people, and it is an American pastime to shit on teenage girls for being teenagers and girls at the same time.

10 years on, those teenage girls are young adults in their 20′s looking back on their younger selves with embarrassed disgust. That is: the word ‘yaoi’ started to garner its sour taste in the 2010′s because that’s when most of the teenagers of the 2000′s outgrew that particular flavor of immaturity.

a lack of LGBT/queer culture awareness and education in America. Yaoi or slash fanworks may have been Baby’s First Gay Content. It also might have been the entire extent of their knowledge about non-straight anything because America had by no means the same level of LGBT/queer visibility that it does now and certainly didn’t (doesn’t) educate about it. people said and did some awful stuff out of sheer ignorance and lack of thought.

fandom got better about it because resources improved and visibility increased, which was itself in some measure because of the popularity of mlm fiction in fandom circles leading to people doing more research and queer fans educating those who knew less. BL wasn’t necessarily intended as queer rep, but it did act as a gateway to queer culture for people who discovered things about themselves through BL.

socially inappropriate behavior of many, many kinds - including those who refused to separate fiction and reality and treated real mlm like live fanservice (‘omg real life yaoi!’). But as an icon of ‘yaoi fan in the 2000′s cringe culture’, perhaps nothing is so prominent and well-known as the ‘yaoi paddle’.

why is the yaoi paddle so illustrative and iconic? Well - the paddles were sold at anime conventions as a silly novelty item. Anime convention attendees tended (and still tend) to skew young, particularly compared to other nerdy social gatherings.  And as you would expect of a bunch of (a) overexcited young people (b) relatively lacking in supervision and (c ) surrounded by things liable to raise their excitement levels even more, they did a lot of foolish things when handed wooden oars that were easy to swing around and hit people with.

At about the same time that anime fandom was truly exploding in size and the yaoi paddle craze was hitting its peak, the internet was juuust about bandwidth friendly enough to allow people to take videos and upload them to this awesome new site ‘youtube’.

I’d say ‘you can imagine what kinds of videos people uploaded’ but you don’t have to imagine. you can see for yourself. The human interest news articles practically wrote themselves. And while yaoi paddles were quickly banned from conventions and their popularity dropped almost as fast, it was an impression to linger. particularly, IMO, combined with other invasive social behaviors that were somewhat more tolerated at anime conventions back then: ‘glomping’, ‘free hugs!’ signs, awkwardly following relative strangers around conventions as nominal ‘friends’, cosplayers publicly ‘making out’ as ‘fanservice’, etc.*

so this is the image of the ‘yaoi fan’ today - a young, white American cis girl at an anime convention in 2007, lacking self-restraint, social grace, and the ability to distinguish fiction from reality. and though this image has little to do with the original Japanese concept, we use the Japanese word to conjure it.

*these behaviors weren’t limited to young female / perceived female ‘yaoi fans’ by any means, but partially because of yaoi paddles, ‘cringe culture’ and ‘yaoi fangirls’ were inexorably linked to one another.

International (mis)use of ‘Fujoshi’: a Brief History

In contrast with ‘yaoi’, the word ‘fujoshi’ has a comparatively short history in American culture. It had a brief rise to popularity in the early- to mid- 2010′s, but for the past year or two it has been heavily invoked by the (so to speak) ‘fandom police’ as an invective against (perceived) women who ship fictional mlm and/or create explicit fictional mlm fanworks.

‘fujoshi’ (  腐女子 ) is a compound word composed of the kanji/hanzi for ‘rotten’/’fermented’ (腐) and ‘woman’ (女子 ) and is a homonym with an old Japanese word for ‘respectable woman’ (婦女子 ).  It was coined on 2ch (a Japanese text board popular with men) to insult (perceived) female fans who ‘queered’ media content written for & centered around men: re-imagining (canon straight) male characters as queer/gay/bi, shipping them with one another, and discussing/creating explicit, sexual work around those ships. (sound familiar?)

In its original insulting context, a ‘fujoshi’ was woman who was no longer a desirable marriage partner because of her interest in BL. She had ruined herself by marinating in sexual fantasies - and not even normal sexual fantasies about having sex with a man herself. Instead, she had fantasies about men having sex with men! Not only had a fujoshi woman lost her cute naivete and innocence: she’d also turned into a sexual deviant. She was fermented, overripe, disgusting, undesirable.

I don’t know how long this meaning had any clout, because Japanese BL fans - BL fans from all over Asia, in fact - embraced the ‘fujoshi’ label. to me, the implication of the ‘fujoshi’ reclamation reads like a giant, queer ‘fuck you’ to the kind of dudebros who hated them: ‘you find me undesirable because i like gay/queer content? That’s hilarious, because I never wanted you in the first place.’ 

And to this day (mid-2018), 'fu’/ 腐, ’fujo’/ 腐女, and its varieties (腐男子, 腐人, etc) have positive connotations in kanji/hanzi-using fandom circles.

The word ‘fujoshi’ reached English-speaking Western fandom eventually (I want to say in the late 2000′s/early 2010′s). It came to us already reclaimed and was picked up as a positive self-label. In those earlier days, Western fandom called themselves ‘fujoshi’ in a way much more similar to how Eastern fandom still uses it: 

It’s not my job to please you.

I’m allowed to enjoy taboo things like queer fanworks, headcanoning canon straight male characters as gay, and sexually explicit content.

If you think that makes me gross, then fine: i’m gross. your opinion doesn’t hurt me. in fact, I embrace it.

(now go away and let me ship.)

this connotation of ‘fujoshi’ enjoyed a brief period of popularity. There was a fandom ‘sweet spot’ for slash in 2011-2012: shifts in public opinion meant shipping gay ships wasn’t utterly taboo anymore and AO3 was a safe space for sharing slashfic. ‘Fujoshi’ came to semi-replace ‘yaoi fan’ in the English lexicon, at this time, becoming synonymous with ‘ships gay ships in animanga fandoms’, with the added bonus of partially shedding the connotation of loving old yaoi doujin tropes in one’s slashfic.

But in the last few years - starting in around 2014/2015, I want to say - there was a shift in the attitude towards shipping mlm here on tumblr. 

mlm fans who are seen as women - whether they are or not - are increasingly told that shipping fictional slash ships or creating fictional content about men in love with/having sex with men is terrible. mlm shippers/fanwork creators who aren’t mlm themselves - especially perceived-female mlm shippers/fanwork creators - are apparent no different from the ‘yaoi fangirl’ stereotype above: the 2007 cis white socially awkward fangirl, holding a yaoi paddle and screaming with excitement about real life yaoi!!! whenever two real gay men kiss.

the word ‘fujoshi’ - still tied to the English-speaking concept of ‘yaoi’ by both words being Japanese in origin and related to mlm fan content - was about to get unreclaimed with a vengeance … by American/Western fans with hardly a drop of knowledge about Japanese culture, fandom, or language.

And it’s been every bit as ugly as you can imagine.

‘yaoi’ and ‘fujoshi’ on tumblr today (mid-2018)

fandom on tumblr, deeply into policing everyone’s fannish interests in the name of social awareness, invokes ‘yaoi’ in a two-fold way:

‘yaoi’ as a doujinshi subgenre in Japan: featuring fictional mlm in sexual situations for titillation written by Japanese women (& femme-identifying nb people) for Japanese women (& femme-identifying nb people), and the distasteful feelings American/western culture bears towards its tropes as being unacceptably unrealistic and ‘backwards’ by modern progressive American standards.

‘yaoi’ as ‘cringe culture’: an imperialistic American/western read on Japanese media content + exposure to Japanese BL, blending unfavorably with a lack of education on real LGBT/queer culture, a lack of alternative LGBT/queer media representation, and teenagers being teenagers

Tumblr fandom police, feeling that ‘fujoshi’ was equally bad as ‘yaoi’ by dint of being adopted as a label by animanga slashfic fans & as another Japanese word relating to mlm shipping, proceeded to co-opt, redefine, and ‘un-claim’ the word ‘fujoshi’:

‘fujoshi’, but literally. having gotten wind of the literal meaning of the word ‘fujoshi’, but completely lacking the context under which the word was created, invoked, and reclaimed, fandom policers designated their own negative meaning for ‘rotten girl’. ‘fujoshi’ means ‘straight girl that’s rotten because she fetishizes gay men!’ fandom policers say - even though that has literally nothing to do with ‘fujoshi’ in its proper context.

telling East Asian fujoshi they can’t call themselves fujoshi. having decided the word ‘fujoshi’ is tied to being homophobic (by ‘fetishizing’ gay romance), and that its derogatory of women because they rely on their own re-take on the literal, negative meaning, American fandom policers start attacking East Asian fans that proudly call themselves fujoshi. (I wish I was joking.)

In summary, English-speaking fans are using their own twisted, ill-informed, and imperialistic treatment and understanding of Japanese concepts to turn those words into pejoratives for use in petty ship wars.

(And when you put it like that it kind of starts to look a little … well … racist.)

[%] This post was never intended as an exhaustive resource - as noted at the beginning of the post, it was based on my absorbed knowledge from being in animanga fandom as an American for many years - but thanks to the blogs I listed, who have a much more thorough knowledge of kanji / hanzi-using fan spaces such as Japan/China/Taiwan, Korea (in part), etc, I learned a lot about the current usage of ‘yaoi’ (or lack thereof) in Japan & how fujoshi was adopted as a popular label over the last 9 months.

If you’re ever looking for more information on these topics, I would especially point you to @rottenboysclub, as their blog is focused on educating English-speaking fandom on Japanese queer/LGBT+ and fandom terminology.

[$] regarding western tendency to appropriate Japanese culture - Japan is eager to export the unique aspects of their culture. but how many times have you seen an English article with titles like ‘10 Reasons Why Japan is So Weird’ or ‘25 Weird Things About Japan that will make you say ‘buy why?’’ (the literacy rate in Japan being nearly 100% is #3 on this list). and okay - Japanese culture is remarkably different from American culture. But this ‘Japan is so weird’ talk is often accompanied by a tone of mild superiority.

consider how we treat Japanese cultural products such as movies. The recent Death Note debacle is only the latest in a long string of this kind of nonsense (though thank goodness it’s getting the reputation it deserves.) Remember The Ring? American remake of Ringu. And of course there’s dozens of other examples of Americans buying or taking things from its original Japanese context and trying to make it ‘better’ for a mainstream American audience, even though the American audience liked the original Japanese product just fine. (Dragonball Z comes to mind.)

(On the flip side you have ‘weaboos/weebs’, the contemporary word for ‘Japanophiles’, putting Japanese culture on a pedestal, which is not any better, and disgust with ‘weebs’ tends to be extended to the aspects of Japanese culture they worship.)

[hidetothink]

I'll be honest, I completely forgot that this post exists! But I stumbled back across it and wanted to give an update for anyone wondering "how did OP ever turn out anyway?"

I'll be the first to admit I still doubt from time to time. However, I feel this is good. There's a difference between conviction versus stubborn closed-mindedness. And there's a difference between doubting what you believe, and then working to make sure your beliefs are sound, versus entirely changing the way you think

Essentially, I'm still convicted that biological sex exists. That this biological sex impacts who we should consider "homosexual" "gay" or "lesbian" (for a variety of reasons). And that this reality of biological sex inevitably impacts sexuality, as being homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual, and asexual is founded on ones sex and the sex(es) one is compatible with

But it's not surprising that I, and many other people who resonated with my venting, feel insane for believing and OBSERVING these facts

There exists an incredibly powerful narrative within the modern LGBT community pressuring more and more for gender identity to replace the material reality of sex. It is pushed and argued with incredibly emotional rhetoric and unsurprisingly many empathetic, caring, kind people have bitten hook-line-and-sinker

Even to their own detriment

It's impossible to exist in this social climate without eventually, inevitably asking if you're the crazy one.

"Am I the bad guy?"

I can't answer that question for you

But I can say what I grow more and more convicted of after every moment of questioning my motivations, beliefs, and conclusions (thanks in part to my doubts)

The experience of being born male, growing up, realizing your attraction to other boys, realizing your inability to feel the same for girls, being intimate with another man, all the pain and joy that comes with this reality....is unique

Simply put, it can not and will not be the same experience as someone born female, realizing their attraction to the opposite sex, working to pass as male, being intimate with the opposite sex, and all the joys and pains than come with this experience

Despite every difference that exists between individual homosexual men, we share the experience...of being homosexual

And that experience is unique. Different. Neither better nor worse than someone else's. This isn't a value judgment

But it is a judgment. A judgment saying, based on material, observable reality...the homosexual male experience is unique and not the same as that of trans men (female persons be definition) who are attracted to the opposite sex

This unique experience deserves it's own spaces. It deserves it's own recognition. It deserves words to define it

The modern LGBT community refuses these facts

I cannot say that someone "passing" as gay IS gay without setting a precedent for other privileged communities. A precedent which I cannot, in good conscience, uphold. I cannot say that those of a privileged community, if they face misplaced attacks meant for another community, are somehow more genuinely members of that oppressed group

Gay and bi men will talk about their attraction to trans men. Whether that attraction is real or not does not change one simple fact: we know from observation across time and place that there exists a community of persons who are only attracted to members of the same sex, and that these members cannot alter this sexual orientation (even with incredibly traumatic attempts to change). This is an attraction to a particular sex. Not to attempts at passing as that sex.

It is enthusiastic, active compatibility. Not a willingness to "put up with" or "work through"

If you, like me, sometimes feel insane dealing with this rhetoric...keep pushing. Don't ignore your doubt, but don't give up either. Struggle and learn over time, growing in empathy and conviction

I’ve seen a bunch of gay men I follow reblogging this photo set with a highly passing trans man talking about how hot he is, how much they’d like to have sex with him, whatever

I looked through their blog and I just…I don’t know what to think anymore sometimes

I feel like I’m crazy

I feel like I’m crazy and all this stuff I’m obsessively caring about is nonsense and I’m just stubborn and transphobic and wrong

So what if someone is technically het, they look gay so…maybe they just are. They didn’t grow up knowing what it’s like to be gay but…maybe it doesn’t matter and if you pass enough then you’re just gay. Maybe PIV is gay when the person having it looks enough like its male/male

And what if I’m just being stubborn? What if I could be with a highly transitioned trans man. what if I’m making all this smoke and noise over some trans men when in reality I’m stubbornly refusing to think about the ones who pass incredibly well. What if I’m seriously just being bigoted and won’t be with a trans man who passes well because I’m transphobic. So what if I’ve never been attracted to the trans men I’ve met, I was interested in one before I found out he was ftm, maybe I was just being…stubborn to loss interest…what if I could find a trans man compatible with me if I stopped saying it’s not possible

Maybe transition could make it possible for me to be with a female person if they look male enough…

The gay and bi men I know irl talk about how they would totally date a trans man. It would be new and “different”. I just feel like I’m stubborn, and stupid, and mean

I’m just being transphobic and won’t…grow

I’m being stubborn and won’t see that things have changed, and my world view is too small

I don’t want to share how much I doubt because I feel like I’m supposed to be 100% sure, but I’m not. I feel like I’m just crazy sometimes and one day I’ll realize everything I’ve done with this blog and what I’m doing trying to support an “LG org” is meaningless and excluding people for no reason…

Maybe if a trans man transitions enough he’s actually a gay man, and I could be compatible with him. Cause I swear I just feel like saying no for so long while so many people are saying yes makes me feel like I’m just…crazy