#obligatory 'i dont like this that much but spent too long on it not to post it' tag

[lightwaslaughter]

thinking about this freak again

[theyhavetakenovermylife]

AHH HII I DONT KNOW IF YOURE TAKING REQUESTS BUT YOUR 2007 FICS ARE SO 💋😩🤌

i would LOOOOOVVEEEE to see how everything went down when leo actually came back.. would they tell him? would raph continue to do it? would she choose one over the other? AHHH SO MANY POSSIBILITIES if you’re not taking requests ignore this but i would beg you for some closure or just more spicy fics HAHAH🤭

Anger: part 2 (18+) (Angst)

2007!Raphael x reader (a little 2007!Leonardo x reader)

Part 1 / Part 3 Leonardo's Ending Raphael’s Ending

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A/N: Thank you for your request! I’ve been so tempted to continue it, but I wasn’t quite sure how, as I can only see this situation end in a specific way. I decided to go in a third direction, bc let’s face it, everybody has made their own bed in this lol. And bc it is the 2007 TMNT, I’ve allowed myself to go extra angst. Hope you enjoy!💙❤️

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You and Raphael’s sexual relationship has taken a turn in the serious direction, but then an old missed face comes home, stirring up feelings once again, especially anger.

Warning: Sex as a coping mechanism, angry sex, angst, emotional betrayal, swearing, Leo and Raph being horrible brothers to each other, cheating?

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It had been almost a year. A year had passed since Leonardo’s training had ended, yet there was no sight of him. You clearly remembered the night you sat in your window, with a slight hope that Leo would come home. It almost felt wrong to think in such a way, especially after a year of sneaking around with his own brother. You had found Raphael’s pressens comforting, even if most of the time was spent moaning or calling out his name in ecstasy, with your legs spread wide or over his shoulder.

You really liked the time you had spent with Raph, even if he wasn’t much up for talking about emotions. He was there for you, in a way Leo hadn’t been able to in a long time. Yet, when you saw a familiar figure out on your fire escape, during the last hour of Leo’s return day, you were slightly disappointed to see Raphael instead. He too didn’t seem too happy. And that was the moment you realized that Leo most likely wouldn’t come home again.

That night with Raphael was way more passionate than what you had been used to with him. Passionate with an undertone of sadness, but intense. There had been very little dirty talk from Raph, yet his eyes spoke with more emotion than they ever did before. Same with his hips, as they thrusted into you with more focus and intention, instead of his usual rapid angry way.

Raphael stayed that night, like he had done so often up until that point. And as you woke up the next day, and began your obligatory morning sex, a change in your and Raph’s relationship was noted. Though still rough, it was not as hard as usual. Though there was still anger hidden in there somewhere, it was not as prominent as before. Sex between you and Raph was no longer a coping mechanism. It was no longer about the absence of Leo, but just about you and Raphael.

Sex in Leo’s room grew old long ago. After Raph had had you in every possible way on every surface of his older brother's room, it started to move into his own room. The first time he had you on his own bed, he felt like he had won a major victory in a long fought battle. It satisfied him to have your scent spread all over his room, in such a way that Leo had never managed to in his own room. With your legs over his shoulders, his hips pounding into you over and over again, and your hands holding on to him for dear life, he felt like the king of the world. How you would hold onto his head while his tongue was writing his name over your dripping cunt, or the way your mouth felt around his dick and how you worked to make him feel good. It was enough to make any man go mad. And that was almost what Raph did, whenever he sat around, waiting for the perfect moment to jump on you again without, the rest of his family noticing.

When Raph would come back home, after a night of crime fighting as the Nightwatcher, finding you sleeping in his bed. Waiting for him to come back home to you. Waiting for him to hold you tight before giving you yet another earth shattering night to remember. And unlike his brother, Raphael did just that. He came home to you to take care of you, just like Leo never would. Or so he thought.

Leo had to admit that he was slightly fearful as he stepped into the sewers. Even after what April had told him, he still feared the reactions that would come from his family. Would they be angry or would they be happy? He did not know. But the reaction he feared the most was yours. Leo first thought when he came to New York was to go to your place, just to see you again. But remembering how late it was, and not knowing what plans you had the next day, he opted to make his way straight to the sewers.

The first thing that met Leo as he stepped into his old family home, was the sound of his two youngest brother’s snoring. Both Donnie and Mikey sprawled out in front of the TV, pizza boxes laying all around them. Leo smiled at the sight, remembering what April had told him. They had jobs now, however that was possible for two mutant turtles. But because of that they probably needed their sleep, and therefore Leo decided it was best to leave them alone for now.

When Leo first stepped into his room, he was surprised by the smell that met him. The scent of you was very strong, almost jumping at him. Had you been touching yourself in his room? It touched Leo deep. A pang of guilt pinching his heart. But there was another smell. A familiar one, yet he could not place it. It did not seem to fit into his room, and definitely not with the smell of you.

After having placed his things in his room, Leo went down to the dojo. He had a feeling that Master Splinter was up and waiting for him there. So when Leo found his father sitting in the dojo patiently waiting for him, he sat down.

Raphael knew as soon as he walked out of his bedroom. He stopped in his tracks, feeling all sorts of emotions. Happiness, pleasantly surprised, confused, unsure, angry. Leo was home. His big brother was home. The man that had you first was home.

He went to the dojo and peeked through the open doors. The sight of his brother talking to Master Splinter was like a punch to the guts. They were talking like they did any other day, as if Leo hadn’t been gone for two years. Raph did not hear a single word they said. All he could think about was you, and how you would react when you knew Leonardo was back home.

Master Splinter said something, which prompted Leo to turn and look in Raph’s direction. The red clad turtle panicked a bit, not sure what to say. He ended up settling with a simple welcome home and that he was going to bed, before turning and waking up his brothers.

But Raphael did not go to bed. While Master Splinter and his brothers were distracted by Leonardo’s return, Raphael went straight to the apartment he had found himself in more and more often over the past year.

You were sleeping peacefully when Raph came to your bedroom window. If it had been any other night, Raph would have climbed in quietly through your unlocked window, before spooning you in your sleep, waiting for you to wake up. But not that night. Raph had thrown all his quiet skills as a ninja out the door, as he banged your window closed behind him, causing you to stir in your sleep, slowly waking up.

“Raph?”, you asked, rubbing your eyes as the named turtle started taking off his gear, in a way he hadn’t done for a long time.

Raph didn’t answer, but instead he slammed his lips to yours. You moaned out in pleasant confusion as your tongues danced together in your mouth. It had been a long time ago since Raph had been this rough with you, and you could not help but wonder what had caused it. But as he started pulling your underwear off, feeling how wet you already were against his fingers, you couldn’t help but moan in pleasure, enjoying this side of Raph you hadn’t seen in a while.

The sex that night was rough. Not unpleasant, but hard. It was like being fucked like the same way Raph used to do it one and a half years ago. Expect he didn’t talk dirty to you like he used to back then. This time he growled more than before, and would bark out  small sentences, such as “take it”, “look at me” and “say my name”. It wasn’t that you didn’t enjoy it, because you did. You had nothing against rough sex, and especially not the way Raph did it, but you still couldn’t shake the feeling that something had pushed him. The gripe of his hand around your neck as he fucked you sensless, made you think that he wanted people to notice someone had held you down like this. Like he wanted to prove something.

Raph was angry as he slapped your ass during doggy style, bringing his hands down hard against your flesh, one after the other, before grabbing onto your hips and thrusting into you like a drill. But he was not angry at you, but Leo. After all this time, how dared he come home now? After you and him finally were doing a little more than just fucking, he had to come and fuck it up. He just had to come and take you away from him one more time. But Raphael wouldn’t let that happen, especially not now while you were calling out his name, begging him to make you cum, just like you had done so many times before.

After three rounds, you thought that Raph would what had almost become a habit to him. To stay the rest of the night, and leave in the early hours of the morning, before his family would notice he had been gone. But to your surprise, Raph was already putting his gear back on, just as quickly as he had been taking them off.

“Raph?”, you asked, watching him in confusion. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing”, he said, tying the knot on his belt. “Absolutely nothing”.

“But that’s not true, is it?”, you asked, getting out of your bed, while he acted like he didn’t hear you. “Somethings going on, isn’t there?”

Raph growled quietly in response, irritated that you could feel his anger. He tried to relax his fists as he turned to you, fighting to keep his expression neutral. “Nothing is going on, (Y/N)”.

But you didn’t buy it. You frowned your eyes, blinking at him a few times, and Raph knew he had no way out of this one.

“You know what? Forget it. It’s not something to bother you with”, he said, trying to sound as sincere as possible, before turning to leave out the window. You called after him as he climbed up the fire escape. You quickly put on a pair of pants before hurrying up after him, your bare feet against the cold metal of the fire espace. He might have been a ninja, but you wouldn’t let him leave so easily. First Leo and now Raph. You couldn’t let it happen again.

You caught up with Raphael on the roof, grabbing onto his arm before he could leave. He looked at your hand on his bicep, almost as if it was hurting. But he did not pull back. Instead he sighed as you continued to ask him.

“Please tell me what is going on, Raph”, you almost begged him, shivering in the cold wind of the New York night. “You can’t just leave like that, not like…” You didn’t get to finish that sentence, before another presence jumped onto the roof. A breath hitched in your throat as you recognized the shape of his face, shell and the katanas strapped onto his back.

Raph’s eyes fell to the ground as he took a long breath in. Of course he had to be here now.

“... Leo?”

Your expression and the way you said his name was almost enough to bring Leo to his knees. Surprise, hurt, sad, confused. You stared at him, wondering if you were dreaming, almost scared to reach out to him. Leo could only imagine how confused you must be at that moment. It hurt him, and it hurt him even more to know that he was the reason you felt like that.

“Hey, (Y/N)”.

Raphael bit the inside of his cheek, watching as you let go of his arm and walked to Leo. He had known this would happen. It was like watching the two of you a few years ago. I love with those eyes you and Raph was slowly building up over the days. He almost had what you and Leo had, just so much better. But then Leo had to come and ruin it. Not only did he come back and take you from him, but he just came back like that, leaving Raph feeling even more betrayed by his brother.

Leo opened his arms a little, ready to hug you like he had done so many times before. To comfort you in the way he should have done once his training had finished. Raph looked away, feeling the lump in his throat build up when...

SMACK.

Raph looked up at the sound, staring at the scene in front of him. Leo almost forgot to breathe. Eyes staring off into the distance, his cheek burning with a tingling yet painful sensation. You had just slapped him. Leo looked confused at you, only to be met by your angry expression and your teared up eyes. You wanted to slap him again, feeling all the anger from the unknown that had been building up over the past two years, finally boiling over. But you didn’t. Instead you started yelling, louder than Leo had ever heard you yell before.

“A whole year, Leonardo! A whole fucking year! Half a year without writing, and then you don’t show, and another year later you expect a hug!?”

“I’m- I’m sorry, (Y/N). They needed me, I- I had to”, Leo stammered, not sure what to tell you.

Raph was surprised. He had never heard Leo stammer and never in front of you. The fearless leader never stammered, not even when he was cold. But a slap to the face by you was what did it.

“And you never thought that I needed you?! Leo, I fucking waited for you everday, even after you stopped writing!”

“Like I said, (Y/N); I’m sorry! They- they needed me in the jungle! They were killing people! Innocent people! I- I had to stay there, I couldn’t just let people get killed!”

“And you couldn’t tell me that at least once during a year and a half? Leo, I thought you were dead when you didn’t come home!”

Leo didn’t answer that. Instead his eyes fell to the ground as he felt guilt eat him from the shell up. Why didn’t he write? He wasn’t sure. He did have the time. Was it because he at one point feared that everyday could be his last, or was it because he for a short time felt he did better saving people in the jungle, than he ever did as a leader for his brothers? He did not know. He had totally forgotten about you and how you must have been feeling while he was gone. Leonardo had fucked up big time, thinking he was saving people, all while leaving the girl he used to call his girlfriend alone in the unknown.

“And you!”, you yelled, turning to Raphael, pointing your finger straight at his face. “This is why you were so angry, wasn’t it?! And yet you didn’t tell me?! How long has Leo been home Raphael?! Huh?!”

Raph snatched your finger in the air, his blood boiling with anger. He just had to say it. Especially in front of Leo, now that you had been yelling at him like that. He just had to stump it further into the wound, even if it meant evoking your anger even further.

“As I recall you didn’t seem to mind me doing you angry while Leo was gone”.

Leo snapped his attention straight at Raphael with that comment. Then he realized. That smell in his room. It was Raphael. It was his own brother. His scent mixed with yours all over his room. On every fucking surface. The realization hit him even harder than any of your words had. He couldn’t believe it. He refused to believe it.

“You didn’t”, was all Leo could choke out, feeling his hands shaking.

Raph cured himself and his own anger. He cared for his brother, but his brother never cared for him. Raph’s hurt and insecurities grew stronger than any rational decision he could make up.

“Every night and every day”, Raph said, letting go of you before turning his attention towards his older brother. “Hard and good”. You saw as Leo’s chest moved up and down as his breathing sped up, a fire burning in his eyes. You would be lying if you said it didn’t scare you. Because it did.

“You’re lying”, Leo growled.

“Why would I lie about that? For the same stupid reason you didn’t come home? Because guess what, while you were gone, being a hero in the forest, I took care of her better than you ever did”.

That was what broke Leo. In anger he drew his katanas, not even waiting for his brother to pull out his sai. Raph felt horrible for liking how angry he made Leo. As he dodged his brother's sharp blades, he pulled out his sais, ignoring how you yelled at them to cut it out. The battle that followed was intense, with you yelling at them to stop. But they didn’t. Not until Raph and Leo pinned against the roof.

It was there, staring down at his big brother’s hurt and angry eyes, Raph realized what he was doing. What he had done. Broken his trust with not just you, but his own flesh and blood. And now he was fighting his brother, ignoring the calling of the person he told himself he was doing it for. Just like Leo, he had fucked up. He had fucked up big time.

Raph didn’t know what to do. He was scared. Scared of his own actions against two people he cared for. Therefore he grabbed a hold of his sais and ran. For once he didn’t feel anger, but sadness. And Raph didn’t know what to do with sadness like this, except hiding.

Leo called out for his brother, telling him to call back. Not to fight. No, he knew just as well as Raph that he had fucked up. He had created a burning absence with no closure, and the two of you had found your own way to cope. He was naive to think you would still stick around after a year and a half without a single word.

Anger burns bright and hot, and kept unchecked it will bring down everything around it. And now you, Raph and Leo were all feeling the effects of that burning anger.

[decaydanceunredacted]

yay💞 trans ryan not!fic time. obligatory disclaimer this is not meant 2 be speculative at ALL or representative of all trans experiences etc etc its just for funzies hokay. i am crazy. but i am free

we'll do transguy ryan first. in my mind the timeline is that he starts seriously learning ab queerness sometime in high school, super burying himself online + in books all the time. tries to be a tomboy, butch, but it just doesnt rly work. so he tells spencer one summer, hey, i think im a guy. goes through senior year knowing but not telling anyone else, except for maybe a couple more friends, spencers mom. buys new clothes and keeps his hair short and his head down til the summer after graduation; doesnt even tell brendon hes trans once brendon joins the band, brendons just like alright cool youre a guy with a girly voice whatev. he does come out to him soon enough since they get pretty close but for the most part fully intends on keeping stealth, esp as the band gets bigger, bigger, and it seriously turns into a ticket outta there.

he doesnt manage to start taking t until around mid 2006 and the costumes + makeup help a lot a lot in dealing w heavy dysphoria+general discomfort around that time and with being perceived ssooo much so fast. he got top surgery around 07 and cabin era was yes in part to make a new album but also he spent it recovering. he was able to mellow out a lot in 07/08 in big part thanks to finally being comfortable in his own body. yay💖 idk if he'd ever come out publicly or stay stealth forever. maybe? anyway

tgirl ryan is a different story entirely. it starts sort of the same - finding blogs & books about queerness about halfway through high school, and it all resonates way too deep, too much. instead of coming out, she refuses to think about it and refuses to talk about it and refuses to let comments from the public, from the press, from her friends and bandmates and pete about could be pretty for a girl, and are you sure youre not gay? get to her. again, the makeup & the costumes are solace. bending and experimenting and maybe, sometimes, seeing herself in the mirror, and still being able to snap back into place: say see, dont worry, its just for show. and she doesnt really mean to ever let it slip but its 2007, theyre supposed to be making a new album but it sort of feels like theyre making a new -- something else entirely, and, well, theyre doing a lot of drugs. she asks, do you think im a girl? sort of vaguely, the ceiling is spinning and everyones quiet, too quiet, she almost thinks none of them are there and shes gonna sit up to see shes alone in her room, until jon says: i dont know, i think thats up to you. she sits up, and everyones looking at her. not judging; mostly just curious, confused.

ryan tells them, yes, she likes her name. it can be a girls name, right? she already chose it once. so they still call her ryan but they start calling her her in private, because, she says, hell no, shes not coming out to everyone. not any time soon, at least.

things are way easier, way more comfortable, just like that, for a while. being out to even just a select few is a big weight off; its easy enough to tune out everyone else. but as time goes on it becomes more and more obvious, its definitely not sustainable for the long term.

so the band falls apart. so its just her and jon. they do a couple shows and the venues are way smaller, the attention is dying down, and thats when she tells him, okay, i want to come out.

its just one interview, she tries to keep it lowkey, telling everyone in her immediate circle first and telling them yes, yes, please, call me a woman in public. dont make me do all the work.

so thats how it happens. its not easy, by any means, but she starts estrogen and lets her hair grow out and curl, smiles hard when jon refers to her easily, correctly on stage, in front of everyone, and so maybe its all worth it; to be comfortable like this, in her own skin. and maybe it pays off in ways she didnt even think of, too -- someone in the audience, one night, passing up a trans flag for her to put on the mic stand.

.

[greyeyedmonster-18]

Hi Grey.

If you ever have the time I would really like ti hear more about your writingprogress.

Like. How do you come up with your ideas? Do you do a outline? Where and when do you write? Are you finishing all your stories before posting them? Do you fact check things? How long time does it normally take for you to finish a story? Have you ever regretting posting a story? Why do you write? Do you have a beta?

Youre one of my favorite authors here and I’m really just curious of the mind and work behind the story’s that I’ve spent so much time with.

weeping. I'm one of your favorites???? what the hell??? thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you for being so nice. that just made my day.

i am going to put the answers to all those things below a cut to not spam my dash with a long post. but also, i shouldn't give writing advice ever and while i appreciate you asking your questions, everything with a grain of salt. because...i know absolutely nothing and this is just what I do. (and also, im an affectionate idiot so <3)

How do you come up with your ideas?

often my ideas start with a very very specific image in my mind, and then i go from there. sometimes they happen while im listening to a song (for example, FFTF happened because I was listening to Since We're Alone by Niall Horan and there's a line in there that says Why would you want to be someone else? I love you best when you're just yourself and an entire wolfstar narrative exploded, but i had to figure out how Sirius would be guarded in this particular way and....here we are) or sometimes when im on a walk or driving. also, as a total cop out, i write romance-- i get ideas from making foolish scenarios in my mind where people should fall in love and I'll never have a shortage of those.

Do you do an outline?

No! I don't. Once I have the idea, i usually start by writing the specific scene that came to me first (so for ten reasons, i wrote the voicemail scene first. i heard remus's voicemail in my mind so loud and clear and wrote it out) and i go from there. this is for my own unpacking but i almost always can see how things end in my mind before they begin (lol, isn't that a fucking metaphor; for a fun personal fact, I've always said since i was like...very little that i wasn't planning on living past 33, which is horrifying to hear out of a ten year olds mouth, but like...i still think its true). for almost all my fics, i wrote the ending first and then wrote around it. never chronologically. just everything that i want to happen and then i put it in some sort of order (i wish i could show you my doc for tight ends right now). and then i make them lead into one another.

I DO. however, do an obligatory chapter count. and i mean, so arbitrary, with no thoughts applied to it. NMTW i literally said 14 chapters, and stuck to it. this is the only structure i give myself when i write. and its my job as a writer to make sure i fit in there.

i do the same when im writing tumblr series. so like fault lines got SIX, chosen at random, and six it was. it was my job to tell that story in six parts. no more no less. (this is admittedly weird, i understand most writers dont work this way, but this actually helps me immensely. the only time i deviated was with FFTF when i added more chapters because the chapters i did have ended up being like TOO LONG in my eyes for a chapter, so i broke them up).

but also--i know other authors who DO outline and its helpful for them!! Find what works for you!!! I tried to outline once and the fic never left my drafts.

Where and when do you write?

To quote Shakira, "Whenever, Wherever"

I write a lot in parking lots on my phone. a lot of my tumblr drabbles are written on my phone and in a parking lot, ten reasons and tight ends were both started in parking lots.

otherwise on my desktop! in google docs! or if its smut, in a word doc! i write the best early in the morning or super late at night when i should be sleeping. I write when i can! Usually at my desk, or i'lll bring my laptop over and write while my kid is playing video games or we're watching something on tv. sometimes i write in the middle of my work day when i have a second in my office (this is also very quick and very on my phone). i just wrote smut at a nail salon. whenever, wherever.

Are you finishing all your stories before posting them?

yes. head to toe, top to bottom, signed sealed delivered. the stories are written before i post. this works better for me! i need to see the whole thing finished!! it also makes it very fun for me when readers are commenting and are like...in anguish, and im there like "tee hee, i know what happens next".

tumblr drabbles no. i pants those. fault lines, mercy, the pact (is part four written? nah but its started and i have no idea where its going to go!!!), the best worst thing to have ever happened-- PANTSTED. sat and written flat into the tumblr post machine. no outline, no plan, just feelings and vibes. (and yes this means that the end of fault lines was a pants decision and im very sorry it ruined everyone, whoops).

this again varies from author to author! most of my writer friends write as they go because they like to be align with the readers! or they work better chronologically and will just write and post and write and post, but again, this is something personal! do what works best for you!

Do you fact check things?

Lol sometimes? I probably should more often, tbh. I do a lot of geography fact checking because i couldn't map my way out of a paper bag, but otherwise, not...really. But also, my fics dont tend to have a lot of....information in them that needs a fact check. People are just falling in love. also, not to flex, but i have a big brain that stores a bunch of useless information and remembers a lot of things, so if i write something i usually believe myself (writing tight ends right now and putting my football knowledge to good use and there's been a few times I've been like "...hmmm" and referenced google and WE WERE RIGHT! so i mostly just trust my brain.)

Writing NMTW was also challenging because i had to reference SOURCE MATERIAL to see if there was a designated teacher for x subject, or when exactly school breaks were etc etc. but that said, i did not care about being accurate with full moons or course timestables or hogsmeade visits or anything like that. we...simply do not care. (this obviously does not apply to things that very much need fact checking such as if i were to write a medical procedure or something relating to disability or race/ethnicity/languages spoken; obviously do your homework for that.)

How long a time does it normally take you to finish a story?

Cop out-- it depends! Sometimes less than a week. (The pact is short, will be done by tomorrow most likely). I wrote ten reasons in four days. it took me 3 months to write an alleged wip though. it just....depends on my time and my schedule.

Have you ever regretted posting a story?

Sometimes! There was a moment when i was fresh on AO3 (pre-tumblr) where i got a few really nasty comments and it made me regret posting the story at all and made me regret joining AO3, and made me regret thinking my fics could be a thing or that my writing was worth sharing etc. I know I give FFTF a hard time because they're....out of pocket, but there are parts of that fic i really really like, and it seems to connect with a lot of people, so i can't have regrets about that.

i have deleted a few one shots off my AO3 though, because i decided they didn't need to be shared, but i wouldn't necessarily call that regret. just...re-evaluation.

Do you have a beta?

No. I do have one trusted person though who i send things to before i release them into the public, not as a beta but as.....a litmus test (to see how the fic reads but also for me and how i feel about sharing it in the first place; I've done it before with this person where they got something and then WEEKS later tumblr got it. Sometimes months.). I 10/10 recommend doing this. and i feel so so so so so so lucky that i found someone like that here and they tolerate my existence. but pre-tumblr, it was just me myself and i doing the thing. and also it took some time before i even trusted this person (did i mention im paranoid? and private?) to get my work because you can't take it back. and what if it didn't need to be shared? there are a few things this person has gotten that i havent and will never post. but like...im so fortunate to have that. you know?

I...am way too chaotic for a beta. and also have a very particular way i edit my stuff (because ND) and adding another person into the flow of that can get confusing. Too many cooks, you know?

Why do you write?

i saved this one for the end because my heart.

i think i've said before that like...a lot of my time as a child and a teenager and young adult in spaces was spent believing that i was a bad writer because neurodivergent and i don't understand mechanics of grammar or...words or...write in a way you're supposed to (outlines for example). and spent a lot of time giving my ideas to other people who i thought were GOOD writers.

but i...am a creative person. and sometime in 2019, i hit the biggest artist block of my life where i literally didn't draw or paint for a year. and picked up writing instead.

poetry, and then it evolved into romance, which i...turned into fic and here i am. and ultimately, i write because i like to. because its creative and it makes my brain happy when a sentence just hits, you know? because i believe in love and want to see more queer love stories and if i...can do the thing, i should, right?

i write because i...realized that i had stories in my head that needed places to go that i couldn't express visually through my artwork. also, ive mentioned it here before, that i am...young and have experienced an absurd amount of death and loss in my life (personally and professionally). and...well, i write a lot of fics about grief for that reason. i don't think i could ever run out of words for this (and have also published ACTUALLY on grief, both creatively and academically), and sometimes i write to like...sit with those feelings for a bit.

i...also think i write because i am a soft human in a very hard world in a hard career path who experiences things deeply and these things and observations need places to go. i cant carry them around all day, that's too heavy and my hands aren't big enough.

so i make art. and i dance. and i play music.

and i write.

i hope any of this is helpful. and if you get the courage to come off anon, i am more than happy to talk with you in DMS about processes or answer any more questions <3

[ahwait-no-yes]

so basically my friend told me today about her dream she had that involved a demon and of course my mind went “...SAIOU AU”

here’s our convo so it makes sense:

if I had the motivation i would DEFINITELY write a fic about this- the fluff/crack/angst potential is t h e r e

and as a bonus doodle,

story is under the cut (it’s long)

“I was gonna keep this in tags but hsdf;j” is what I originally wrote here until I started thinking about this more and sorta wrote the whole plot-

-> as ouma’s killing the other monster things he flirts with shuuichi while the poor demon has never been flirted with so he’s stood there all confused and ??? (his version of blushing would be like, the fire coming from his small horns gets bigger and brighter)

-> the one he summons ends up being like. kaede and they both just end up having to lecture shuuichi on why it is that he should not want to die so easily

-> eventually kokichi and kaede wanna give him a hug so they try to but shuuichi’s Extra Hot™ (from being a demon and also probably blushing) so they both immediately regret that choice but kokichi laughs and gives an obligatory pun about shuuichi being hot which only confuses him because ‘of course im hot?? im a demon??’ while kaede explains what ouma meant

-> imagine shuuichi crying (fire tears..) at the generosity of these two strangers who a) aren’t absolutely terrified of him, b) refuse to hurt him and c) actually *want* to help him and ouma actually inwardly understanding a little bc he’d never imagine someone actually wanting to be with himself either

-> saihara now wanting to know what it’s like to live as a human with ouma and akamatsu but being unable to find a way (except for maybe being undercover?) but promising he’ll bring ouma back to him (he’s aware of the whole aging phenomenon in the lil demon world so he wants to keep their time short) and ouma finding that now he has something to look forward to

-> the 👏 mutual 👏 pining 👏 that commences after they both have to leave each other (if kaede knows kokichi in the real world she’d definitely tease him a little knowing he has a crush- this is probably good potential for building oumaede friendship)

-> it takes a while before ouma and saihara can see eachother again because getting the two to escape without killing saihara exerted a lot of energy on him, but they do get to! about once a month to be safe, and they get to know stuff about eachother like which shops ouma likes to steal from and shuuichi’s really loud demon friend he once had (aka momota)

-> one day though saihara tells ouma that if he keeps doing this he’ll die of exhaustion (it takes a lot of energy from saihara to get ouma in and out of there) and ouma calling him an idiot but really being worried. saihara tells him not to worry about him even if something happens to him, and makes ouma go back to the real world

-> ouma doesn’t hear from him after that

-> he worries he might have been killed or saihara forgot about him and feels stupid for being so hopeful in something so childishly impossible and starts trying to forget about him

-> the real world is aware of demons cause people talk about them (and obvs you can tell when someone’s gone to their.. dimension thing because you can visibly see them age) so still denying that he’s curious and likes saihara still, ouma tries to go to libraries and do his own research on demons and ends up finding out that saihara specifically comes from a bloodline that makes him quite powerful if not for that he wouldnt want to take the risks that come with it and then lowkey gets excited again for saihara while still in ✨denial ✨

-> it’s been almost a year when saihara has enough energy (and more) to ensure that his new plan is successfully carried out and that ouma (and potentially 1 more..) gets back to the real world safely. he created this plan when he figured out how to exist in the real world- by sacrificing the thing he cares most about

-> so when ouma suddenly gets that off-feeling people get when they’re leaving the real world he feels very many emotions at once (giddily going ”ohh my god its not this it cant be this no way oh heck tthisis not happening not a chance”) until he sees the face he’s been waiting 4 months for again except this time it looks.. frighteningly cold

-> ouma’s instincts are screaming at him that something is very, very wrong here especially when he can’t hear any warmth when saihara says “Welcome back, Ouma. It’s your final time” and explains the whole ‘kill these monsters then kill me’ thing again

-> ouma’s confusion inevitably turns to annoyance as he kills the dudes (there appears to be a lot more than there was last time) and fires questions at saihara (‘is this saihara?’ ‘what happened to you??’ ‘do you even remember me?’) while saihara stays silent for the whole time thinking about how he really doesn’t want to be doing this. 

-> eventually ouma decides he was wrong (again) to have put his faith in a guy- a demon- he only met once a month.. even if said demon gave him something to look forward to

-> when he finally gets to saihara alone he internally notes that saihara cant look him in the eye, but he finally speaks to tell ouma that now either himself or ouma will now die (saihara knows this is for sake of the sacrifice, but he can’t let ouma know else it won’t work)

-> ouma refuses to fight him again, expecting saihara to snap back into the meek demon from a year and some months ago, but rather than that happening saihara actually says something like “if you won’t kill me, I’ll have to kill you” and swings at him

-> even if ouma was on his full guard, he still would’ve been surprised by how strong saihara actually could be when he tried to fight- and of course saihara can’t stop now that he’s started but ouma hears the hesitation when saihara asks “are you going to kill me yet?” and gets annoyed that the whole time he spent with him and even akamatsu meant nothing. saihara smiles sadly knowing he’s achieving his goal but ouma thinks he’s smiling at the thought of dying and gets somehow even more annoyed

-> during their whole fight, insert “I’m alone, Ouma, and I will always be” line from saihara, “No amount of talking can convince me otherwise, Ouma. I’m sorry it took so long, but it was foolish of you to trust a demon you met only once” or something and yes it hurts saihara too but ouma’s staying silent and before saihara can continue, ouma fires back with “You’re right- you are meant to be alone. You were always meant to be that kind of guy” and stops dodging to start finally attacking- this is when saihara knows he’s pretty much achieved his target: sacrificing ouma’s trust in him

-> just as ouma swipes at him, saihara’s lil spell thing is activated that takes saihara back to the real world, disguised so people don’t see him as a demon. but now ouma thinks he’s just killed saihara (I just attacked him. and he is gone. i dont know what that light was but i must have just killed him. oh my god im a murderer.”)

-> saihara hiding in the forest to do the lil spell thing again but on ouma (all the time he spent saving on energy was worth it) so ouma gets transported to the real world too and immediately runs to tell akamatsu everything that happened

-> saihara trying to find to blend in with humans from what he remembers of how they act but he doesnt need to particularly eat he just needs a heck ton of sleep so he basically just lives in the forest now. he’s very sensitive to water so he actively stays away from it too (it wont kill him but it does make him sick). he’s still feverishly warm but not scalding and he also decides to work at a store to fit in more

-> ouma regretting what he did to saihara even though saihara hurt him first and realising he misses him

-> saihara ends up accidentally bumping into him at the store he works at that ouma conveniently steals from a lot (”Ouma, you’d make a good demon” “Nishishi! What do you mean? I’m a perfect little angel!”) and saihara gasping when he notices ouma’s unforgettable purple hair and cute smile.

-> ouma finding something familiar about this awkward new staff with the cute face and deciding he’ll visit the shop more often to see this stranger and not because said stranger might help him get over his demon crush

-> then they get to know eachother again for the 2nd time, and as much as this guy is really cute, he clearly knows more than he’s letting on... so of course ouma’s gotta now pay even more attention to him. just so he knows what the guy’s hiding. not cause he wants to know him.

-> one day saihara is sick from trying to protect himself from the rain (cause yk, water bad) so he stays in the forest instead of coming in to focus his energy on getting better and also not blowing his cover. ouma notices he isnt there on that day and asks other staff members where he lives and they’re all like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

-> it rains quite a bit after that, inevitably making saihara even more sick and in turn needing time away to himself, so ouma starts getting worried when saihara stops coming to work

-> saihara really wants to see him though, so one day he tries to drag himself to work in a terrible state where he’s actually almost cold for once and collapses after trying to run to ouma. ouma sees him and tells his manager he cant work nd takes him home himself where saihara wakes up confused

-> ouma lecturing saihara because he worried him and the way he fell reminded him of.. someone (demon shuu).. then he asks vague questions to saihara about if he’s ever met a demon and half-confesses to having met one himself multiple times and ending up falling in love and then probably killing them

-> saihara, in his tired state, tells him his story of how he was raised to believe he had no purpose other than to meet someone who would kill him, eventually finding that person but instead of looking at him with fear or anger he looked at him with admiration and playfulness, how the guy meant to kill him refused to and flirted w him instead. ouma has probably clicked on by this point but saihara continues to tell him he wanted to protect that guy with the power he had so he took time away from his first ‘job’ to find out how to be with him. saihara is probably shaking at this point while he continues telling him about how he found out he had to sacrifice the most important thing to him, so he “went and had a terrible argument with him one day and i ran away. but i’ve never stopped looking for him since, he showed me that even a demon like me can fall in love” (there’s the ✨grand confession ✨)

-> ouma saw it coming from the moment saihara started speaking, but that didnt stop him from being utterly paralysed. of COURSE saihara has to say “When I said you’d make a good demon I really wasn’t lying. Your hand is so warm it could fool even me” which possibly makes ouma completely combust before absolutely bolting out the door and calling akamatsu to tell her to get to his house (”AKAMATSU-CHAN I’M GONNA DIE RIGHT NOW IF YOU DON’T GET HERE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT THIS SECOND”)

-> while waiting for kaede, shuuichi explains that he needs to be Warm™ and immediately holds kokichi’s hold again, while the other’s having a gay panic.. and he doesnt know how to feel because on one hand, his beloved demon is.. right here, in the ‘flesh’, holding his hand, telling him he fell in love with him.. but on the other hand, that doesnt excuse the confusion and hurt he put him through back then, not being able to see him for a whole damn year.. 

-> ouma ignores all the feelings when akamatsu arrives where she’s brought water and blankets (just in case- i feel like shes the kind of friend who would do that) so saihara takes the blankets and ouma takes the water and she calms them both down and gets them to explain everything slowly and in their own time. its awkward esp for ouma who isnt particularly close with her, but they manage it in the end

-> they decide shuuichi literally cant live in the forest so of course now he has to live with ouma but akamatsu offers to help if it ever gets too much for ouma which obviously ouma denies. she leaves soon and its just them but ouma needs some time to himself to clear his head and he only returns late to see saihara asleep clinging onto akamatsu’s blanket with his life lmao so ouma sighs and brings him more. and if he kisses the sleeping demon’s forehead, nobody has to know

-> ofc its still very much awkward and it takes ouma getting used to having even just another presence in his home, let alone his sort-of-unofficial-demon-bf and saihara’s still sleeping a lot of the time but recovering

-> they probably establish their feelings for eachother properly when they’re more mentally prepared for it, and then 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 (they kiss) and are now actually legally boyfriends. i absolutely cannot let this end in angst so they’re happy and love eachother now yay the end

nngl. i talked about this with that same friend and I lowkey want to start writing an actual fic for it now that ive written... literally the entire plot, but if i do that it probably wont be out for a while bc i take 10 years to write lmao-- plus i hardly ever finish what i start so uh yeah.. but hopefully! im not even good at writing fic this is just the plot but yello

[piningeddiediaz]

Im curious… what do you think Adam’s major would be?

well if it isn't the question I have spent so long thinking about...

ok kfkdl obligatory reminder that I am not american and absolutely do not understand what majors/minors etc are. in the uk we just like... do a degree. and honestly we have been told so little about Adam at harvard I have no idea. anyways there are two paths I can see adam taking:

1. engineering. I feel like if we take adam from a trc standpoint, I can see him as an engineer. Adam parrish, "a miracle of moving parts"." adam parrish, “Cabeswater's plumber" (I dont remember if that was actually a quote or was it from a fic lol). adam parrish the "scientist" (I dont think gansey meant it so literally like he's actually a scientist, but rather that Adam is at his core someone who studies and discovers thing. a "study in survival" if you will). adam parrish the mechanic, who can take apart and build things from scratch. and more than that, I love the idea of adam, who has spent most of his life feeling like all he does is destroy, building something amazing with his own hands.

2. lawyer. and look, this absolutely is not because of that "adam is cold and calculating and ruthless" thing people seem to believe. rather, as a lawyer myself i can tell you it’s so fucking frustrating when people assume all lawyers are spawns of the devil. i think it would suit adam, because he has the drive and the cutthroat attitude you definitely need as a lawyer - whatever kind you choose to be (adam definitely would not be a corporate i can tell you that much. something more like working with abuse/trauma survivors maybe?) - but he would also be compassionate and understanding. he has the perfect balance for both - a drive for success but also a need to do something right. and besides that, adam parrish, who was able to read people like an open book and make precious harvard babies cry, would be unstoppable in a court room. like i absolutely would not want to go against him lool. (and maybe when im 37 pages into workshop prep for the next day and am ready to Die i like inflicting all that on adam too. whatever. sue me.)

[burnedbyshoto]

And They Were Roommates - Part Two

modern!AU

Part One ⋆⋆ Part Three

todoroki shouto x female roommate!reader

Synopsis: Roommates are never easy to deal with, but when you start sleeping with your hot new roommate, remember that being in denial never helps.

warnings: lap dance, implied smut, drinking, and angst

word count: 2,693

A/N: here it is part two!!!! just some nice angst before we finally get some actual smut next part :D it’s also my first time writing a lap dance so... please dont laugh at it LOL alright anyways, enjoy!

You woke up with a head-pounding hangover with the sun beating down on your face, the chirping birds and the sounds of traffic seeming to continue to create an unwanted agitation. What had happened last night? You moaned in pain as you sat up in your bed, watching as your sheets fell from your naked body, and your jaw dropped as the images from last night reeled in your mind like some entertainment show.

You had slept with your roommate.

You fucked Shouto!

You froze again, since when did you call your roommate by anything other than his last name, with the obligatory “san” attached to the name. “Oh my god, oh my god…” You hissed as you stumbled out of your bed, immediately pulling a shirt and shorts on, as you saw your clothes discarded in opposite corners of your room. Why the fuck were your clothes taken off with such force?

Blood rushed to your cheeks as you remembered the way you had been lewdly calling and moaning last night as Shouto held you close with one arm, the other using the bed frame as support. You picked up the dirty bra, leggings, and panty’s from last night and threw it into your hamper as you covered your face.

Shaking your head in a failed attempt to erase the memories of last night from your mind, you walked to the door. You hesitated as your fingers grasped the doorknob between your fingers. You never wanted Shouto to be working before, and you caught yourself hoping that for the first time he wouldn’t be here. It was a mistake to have slept with him, and you acknowledged that. He was your roommate, no matter how attracted you were to him, sleeping with him was going to eventually become woeful to deal with.

Besides, it was just going to be a one night stand, and the rule with one night stands was that you would never see that person ever again. Well, including the unofficial-official rule of not sleeping with your roommate, you had managed to break two major life rules in one night. But, if you were being honest, you wanted more–nope, you curse, do not say it.

Opening the door, you peeped your head out, your eyes scanning the hallway and saw the bathroom open, and--thankfully-- Shouto’s room opened as well. You physically relaxed as you walked to the bathroom, feeling sounder than you would have time to gather and then destroy these feelings of lust, and then hopefully, not have to see Shouto because you worked tonight.

As you entered the bathroom, you looked at yourself in the mirror and cried. There were so many hickies trailing down your neck and stopping well down your cleavage. “Oh, f-fuck…” You stutter momentarily petrified then moving as you frantically get closer to your image. The deep purple and red marks scattered on your body seem to only pop on your skin.

How were you going to murder Shouto for marking you when you did not want to discuss the matter of the two of you sleeping together. 

⋆✭⋆✭⋆⋆✭⋆✭⋆

You walked into the apartment at three in the morning, your mouth dry, heart racing in denied hope that Shouto would be home and would be waiting up to talk. As you locked the door behind you, you saw the hallway lights on and frowned. He was home, but it seemed like he was already asleep, so you stood there in the hallway unsure if you should even attempt to see he was awake. You sighed, retreating into the bathroom and got ready for bed.

You winced slightly as you rubbed off the layers of makeup on the hickies. You had thought you had done a good just at hiding them all, not wishing to let your coworkers notice, and then ask about your sex life. Although apparently, one was detected and it sent your coworkers into excitement as you had often claimed hickies were for stupid teenagers only.

You groaned as the flesh around the hickies were red; almost as if they were irritated at being covered; as if Shouto–no, Todoroki–had given them to you at this hour. Nevertheless, last night was a mistake, something that unquestionably was never going to happen, ever again, because you would not permit it.

So as you tiptoed back to bed, your eyes found themselves on the doorway of Todoroki’s room, and you sighed. Why did you have to sleep with him?

The next morning, you were relieved to have it be your day off and Todoroki’s day working. Wearing only a large shirt, you spent the entire day cleaning up the apartment, while watching anything you could find of interest on Netflix. By the end of the night, you had showered away the sweat and the grime from cleaning and was wearing a tank top with a sports bra on, some running shorts, and had fuzzy socks on your feet. As it neared eleven at night, you got up to get ready to retreat from the living room to your bedroom, not wanting to have Todoroki walk in while you were out here.

You watched in panicked fear as the front door opened and in walked Todoroki in his business attire, why did he have to look so good in a button-up shirt, and were his sleeves rolled up to his elbows?!

Your eyes trailed up and saw this fatigued and almost fierce look in Todoroki’s eyes as he picked up a bottle of sake by his side, “Do you want to drink? I had a really irritating day?”

Say no.

“O-Okay!”

Before you knew it, the two of you were playing yet another drinking game, already drunk.

“Do you want to fuck me again?” You giggled, mockingly suggesting this to him as Shouto’s lips were drunkenly trailing down your jaw.

But you didn’t wait for a response, going ahead and straddling him where he sat, a drunk grin on your face as you took another swig from the sake bottle.

“I’ve only been waiting since the second you kissed me earlier.” Shouto groaned as you slowly gave another roll of your hips knowing now how much he desired it.

“Well, then,” You whisper grabbing Shouto’s tie, tugging him close to you, “You better do something about it before I get the job done myself.”

Shouto smirked as his lips connected with yours as another passionate storm was created between the two of you.

⋆✭⋆✭⋆⋆✭⋆✭⋆

You wished you could say after that night, the sleeping together absolutely stopped.

But you would be a liar.

Every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday without failure, one of you would return home with a new bottle of alcohol or would bring out a bottle that wasn’t empty, and asked if the other wanted to drink. Without fail, the person would always agree. Without fail, you woke up in your bed naked and alone with a pounding hangover.

It was now two months since the first night or in other words thirty-six nights of getting drunk and sleeping with each other.

You wanted to say you two had become friends during this time, but all feelings and conversations came out when you both were drunk and at this point, you had no idea how to say no. Hell, you had even shifted your schedule around to start working morning shifts on those days so that you would be home before Todoroki.

You were never sober whilst fucking your roommate, but even then, you knew that Todoroki was probably one of the best people you had ever taken to bed. Taking his ability to actually have sex and attractiveness level, he was so far above everyone else you had ever desired and it was daunting to you. Was it just hormones? Was it feelings?

But as you entered your apartment with a bottle of soju, the giddy feeling you had whenever you saw Todoroki bubbled under your flesh as you opened the door and called out. Todoroki was waiting for you it seemed with dinner, and you raised the bottle, this so was not going to be good on your liver.

Your cheeks were flushed from the drinking as Shouto massaged out the knots in your shoulders.

“Mm, that feels so good,” You moaned as Shouto finally got one out. “I could never get that one out.”

Shouto chuckled as his fingers tantalizingly trailed down your backside leaving behind a trail of goosebumps on your flesh. An idea popped into your drunken mind as you stood up from the living room floor, and failed to get Shouto on his own feet being too weak and too drunk.

“What is it?” Shouto slightly slurred as he stood up, taking another swig of the soju, and you took it from his hands, taking a drink yourself.

“I wanna do something for you~!” You sang as you brought over a chair and shoved Shouto to sit on it. Grabbing your phone, you searched for the perfect song to play.

You clicked on Crazy In Love by Sofia Karlberg and faced Shouto who was flushing.

You smirked as your fingers slowly drug up your body, your eyes never leaving his own. Your hips slowly rolling in time with the beats as your fingers undid the buttons of your work shirt, throwing it aside you sauntered up to Shouto, a grin on your face as his lips immediately found yours, but you didn’t allow him to keep contact for long, instead choosing to twirl out of the way and stand behind him.

Your fingers teasingly dragged down his torso, pulling off his shirt as you went back up. You were back in front of Shouto, the shit-eating grin on your face never faltered as Shouto stared at you with lust in his eyes and something you could not recognize.

Turning around, you felt his hands grab your waist as you sat down on his lap. His lips immediately attaching onto your neck as you spread your legs around his legs, slowly grinding your ass into his crotch as the beat dropped.

You stood again as Shouto groaned out in objection to the loss of your body on his.

He quieted as you danced to the song, making sure to give emphasis to your breast as you ended the dance to slowly lean onto his leg, and Shouto stilled as you straddled his thigh. His jaw-dropping ever so slightly.

Your hips rolled up and down Shouto’s leg as his cheeks flushed scarlet, but while his face told one story, his hand showed another. Shouto lifted you up so you were properly straddling him, and you yelped momentarily thrown off, “Don’t stop…” Shouto groans as he moves your hips with his hands, and you quickly get back into it.

Your hips never once slowing down as you attempted in your conquest to get Shouto to cum in his pants, but it seemed that Shouto was now aware of your conquest as he suddenly picks you up, despite the song not being over. Your legs quickly wrapping around his hips as Shouto kisses you feverishly.

Your lips are dragging against each other, as sugar sweet tongues traced with alcohol gently move with the other. You moan as Shouto shoves your back into the wall, his hands gripping your arms above your head as his lips trail down a familiar path.

It's a few more seconds of being in-between Shouto and the wall before he stumbles into your room, your bra being thrown as the door slams close.

It should have been a normal hookup, but right before you let sleep consume you, you accidentally let a few undesired words slip out of your lips unintentionally.

“I love you.”

⋆✭⋆✭⋆⋆✭⋆✭⋆

You were officially being evaded.

Todoroki was just never home anymore. Drinking and sleeping nights hadn’t been enacted in over a week, and if you were being honest, it really troubled you.

You shook your head, why did it hurt you? There was no reason for it to hurt you!

You didn’t like Todoroki anyways, and he obviously did not like you back!

Groaning, you got back home late. You had finally gone to your dream job for your interview given you had a perfect amount of experience and having requested the morning off but still having to work, you were home just a bit after ten p.m.

You paused as you saw Todoroki’s shoes in the hallway, and another pair, black sleek heels. You blinked, was he having a friend over?

Deciding not to call out that you were home, you closed the door quietly behind you, glad that you weren’t being loud. Walking through the hallway you saw the kitchen was empty, as was the living room, and you frowned. Where were they?

Your blood froze as you heard a cry of pleasure from his room, and nausea sat heavy on your throat and stomach as you heard another shout, this time it was the name of the man who was keeping you up at night: “Shouto~!”

Now, you truly felt like throwing up.

The soft thuds and creaks of the bed echoed in your ears as you sank into a couch, as the moans and screams only increased with time. For the longest time, you couldn't move, frozen in disbelief at what you were hearing. You couldn’t stand it anymore as you turned on your heel and left the apartment.

You found yourself walking around the town, your feelings drowning your rationale on what you walked into.

Todoroki was sleeping with other women, women other than you? It shouldn't matter, it didn't matter. You knew you shouldn’t have a problem with it, so why did you want to go in there and scream at him?

Eventually, you got cold and was forced to return.

You froze as you saw a stupidly gorgeous brunette woman putting on the sleek black heels in the doorway removing not the guest slippers but your slippers from her feet, her hair was a bit of a mess, and she had a coat snugly worn. The woman locked eyes with you, and she smiled cordially.

“Hi, you must be Shouto’s roommate, I’m Hotaru Yui.”

Your throat tightened as you bowed quickly, “Uh, y/l/n y/n.”

“It was so great to meet you! Maybe I’ll be seeing more of you, your apartment is really cute by the way!”

You laugh almost robotically as she moves to the door, “Bye!”

You repeat the word back and watch as she leaves.

Your heart feels like tearing in two as you trade your shoes for your slippers and head into the living room, tears swimming in your eyes.

“Welcome home."

You couldn't respond to him. Your thoughts were racing so quickly as his voice seemed to come from everywhere in the room.

Todoroki clears his voice, "Sorry I had a friend over for dinner, I didn't ask because I figured it was okay. Do you need a drink?” Todoroki’s voice asks behind you, “I think I need one tonight.”

You feel so numb as if you were drowning in the air you stood in.

Todoroki had a girl over, he had that Hotaru-san over and had slept with her with obviously no regret. You knew that he had no idea that you knew, and you probably would have not been able to guess what they had been doing had you not been there, but there he was asking you to sleep with him.

Sleep with him after he had slept with someone else, you were nothing but another consistent notch in his belt. 

You were angry yet sad, numb yet hurting, but you refuse to turn around, “No, um, I’m okay Todoroki-san, I’m going to head to bed… I, uh, had a tiring day, and I just really want to s-sleep.” You wince at your cracking voice.

"Oh, okay. Sleep well."

With that, you retreat to your bedroom and collapse onto your bed unable to stop the muffled sobs that leave your mouth as you cry yourself to sleep that night unsure as to why it stung so badly.

i just really really love lovers who are in denial of their feelings stories because it makes me want to scream at everyone!!!! part three out on...monday august 17!

[yggdrasil-mith0s]

I'm thankful for this community and you all.

Here's some info on me and the last few years along with this community and how it's been a part of me the whole time.

Happy Thanksgiving: recently I've been a little more open about my personal life on the blog. Usually I use the Discord but U do like to share on here about it as well. I feel like this fandom deserves to know the person behind this blog and what I am going through because I dont want to be just some fandom blog. I want to be a blog that creates a community of friends. A safe community for every gender or non gender specific people. A place for people with a similar interest and something to talk about to help get past our anxieties and even fears in some cases. Someone once joined our Discord and after a few weeks they were saying " I saw the link for a week when you first made it. I was scared to join. I don't like social interactions and Discord seems confined and for that soecifically so I thought I would lurk. Everyone was so kind I opened up and told yall some things I've never really told anybody. It's one of the best choices I've ever made (them joining the discord server) and everyone is so loving and accepting."

This honestly made me so happy. If I can pick out things and passions that's make me happiest and truly brings a smile to my face... it's stuff like that. It's this fandom and more specifically, this community, that keeps me going and happy. Everyone is so kind, loving, and accepting. I'm so happy it has come to what it is now and wouldn't change a thing. This person got over their fear of socially interacting within the fandom and then shared something they feared being judged for and never really shared with anyone besides 2 or 3 people. No one brings it up. It's a trusted piece of information and we will keep it at that. We are still growing, too, and I will post the link here soon. I'm so happy I created this blog, kept it going, and fell in love with the series, fandom, and this community. It's funny because I was talking to a cosplayer who did some tales stuff and asked for permission to post their work on this blog. When I shared my blog they said "Oh I know that blog. I dont use Tumblr anymore but I think I followed that blog" and It made me squee with joy. This amazing cosplayer followed this blog and it just baffles me cause she is so talented. That makes me wonder how many of you are out there but being modest, not realizing how happy it makes me that you're here. By the way, I see you artist out there with so much talent and acting like you arent that good. Yes you are. I cant even draw straight lines or a cheeto but you can draw Tales characters and I actually know who they are. That is talent whether you realize it or not. Some of you are extraordinary artist by the way. Truly, and I keep thinking how your work will eventually blow up, at the very least in the fandom, and how talented you are, and you follow me. Thank you for being here. I love you all so so much. You're all amazing.

I have been going through a lot and not as active as I have been but I am working on getting back in full circle. I entrusted the server to a few great friends, I am back in it with full mod access but I don't do anything except watch for anything that may be said in the wrong way or something but that literally never happens so I dont do anything lol. Those friends have done great with the server and created more channels and even community nights. I saw Roleplaying of Tales characters recently, too, which makes me happy it's still very active and people feel comfortable there and it's thriving.

Anyways, I havent been doing well. I have and I havent. In the past few years I've been bouncing between houses, getting away from my abusive mom, losing jobs, then going homeless. Having suicide attempts, one point getting real bad and ending up in the hospital to a "psych ward." It was really a detox and center for suicidal people on hold before going home. I went for suicide because I havent relapsed, thank goodness, but I did attempt suicide. I've drank and gotten stupid drunk but no drugs for me in 3 years+ now. Anyways... after that I got sent/told about this halfway house in Downtown Augusta GA. I went with no other options. I was homeless at this point from being in the hospital for 15 days (including psych ward) and no job. I slowly worked my way up from having nothing to... well frankly still having nothing lol. Btw my oldest brother passed before the suicide attempt. He was physically abusive at times and at other times loving. I should take the time to mention my dad passed away when I was 10 as well. So it was my mom, two older brothers, and a little sister. I raised my little sister cause my mom became alcoholic. She was somewhat loving but once I hit my teens she became mentally abusing saying super harsh things and ignoring my depression and anxiety like they weren't real. She said some of the nastiest stuff. We got into fights. The fandom helped me escape and leave her home. Anyways. I still dont have anything to my name except a house and a crappy job... but this community is still thriving and helping me during cut hours of covid and has just been supportive and amazing. My mom passed away a few months ago. So it's just my one brother and little sister now and today I spent it with my little sister. We talked about things I wanted to talk about for so long. Mom was always nice to her and spoiled her and used me and verbally abused. She literally abused both one else. I have a theory and it's because the older I got the more I reminded her of my dad who abused her. Except I reminded her of his kindness that she fell in love with (which to her was lies and manipulation). So she took out everything on me. Anyways.

So my sister and I talked and let a lot out and a lot go. I might actually have a relationship with a family member that I havent had in 11 years. It was with her but we are reconnecting it seems. There's still a lot to go through.... and she's struggling and got her own stuff going on so she cant help me and I cant help her other than by building a relationship. I dont think it would've happened if it wasnt for you all.

I truly believe it's this community that has kept me alive and well these past few years. Thank you so much. This isn't some obligatory thank you. Or a forced "I love you." This is an appreciation for you all. This is heartfelt and as serious as I can be when I say thank you and I love you. You have been my family for years now. It was small. It stayed small for a while but at some point it grew and grew fast. We have over 100 people on our discord and over 1.5I followers in this community among the Tales of fandom and continue to grow slowly. Not everyone is active and some only come in here and there and that's okay. They are still family and they are included in this as much as those that help run the discord now. You all matter so much to me. You're my family and a part of my journey. Thank you all so much and again, I love you. Take this post how you want but do me a favor... use it to remind yourself that you matter. You matter to me. I love you and I mean it. You are a part of a family. A community that accepts all, never judges, helps each other, and only loves. You are a part of that as much as anyone else. And you matter.

[the-queer-look]

flannel scarf and glitter hairspray

Name:Adrian

Age: 25

Sexuality: Demisexual, Lesbian

Gender: Genderfluid

Occupation: Banking – postgrad english major

Location: Campsie

I like to present myself in an androgynous way. Most of my clothing is pretty masculine in the sense that I do prefer pants and a shirt for comfort reasons, but if it’s a hot day, I’ll wear a dress, and I don’t feel invalidated by that. I still enjoy slight touches of feminine influences in my life, and definitely don’t shy away from traditionally feminine colours or anything like that. I don’t use makeup, but mostly that’s because I don’t know how to use it, rather than not liking it. I’ll put on eyeliner and lipstick and be done. My girlfriend will suggest foundation or contouring, and I just say “nah I’m good” and don’t bother to learn. I have a glitter hairspray that I use to seal in my makeup on the few occasions I do try to use it, and it gives me a nice sparkle. Probably terrible for my skin though.

Growing up as a Muslim, I frequently get asked “When did you know?” in reference to being a lesbian, and when I came out to my friends I had a bit which I’d rehearsed to explain it. When I was around thirteen, this exchange student came to our school and I was very quickly drawn to her. She was very good at art, and a very cool person, which let me have the incredibly lesbian chat to myself of “I just want to be her best friend!” I remember writing specifically in my diary “I just want a best friend. Just friends, not gay.” we got really close, and I eventually came out to her, and told her that I liked her, and she was accepting of it, which was nice, and we both then had to manage our way around her realising that she was asexual, all while we were thirteen. Her being asexual wasn’t off-putting to me, I was just thirteen and didn’t know how to approach it. Hell, she didn’t know how to approach it, because she didn’t know the label for it.

After that, I began to examine the relationships I’d had with other girls all my life. When I was very young, I remember thinking to myself “I wish I was a boy” because all of the boys in my class make my friends cry, and I think that if I were a boy, I could just make them happy, if I were a boy I’d know how to be better to them. But looking back at it I just… I was so gay, and just trying to be as straight about it as possible. I thought it would be fine if I were a boy, because then I would be allowed to like the girls and they would be happy with me. I also remember sitting in a circle in school and playing a spin the bottle truth or dare game, and always getting offended if someone didnt answer the obligatory “if anyone in our class was a boy, who would you date” question with me. If I was second choice? Offended hahaha.

I feel like there wasn’t much of a change in the way I presented myself from before realising I was gay to after, because I already accidentally dressed like a stereotypical lesbian. I guess I picked up a few extra flannels? And before it was just “I like flannel” and then became “flannel makes me gay, and gay people will know that im gay, and I wear a headscarf, so I need to let other gays know that I too am gay, so I will wear a flannel over my headscarf, and that will be my signal to all the other gays that I too am in fact gay.” and it worked great.

Realising that I was genderfluid was a much more drawn out process. When I turned eighteen I started to enjoy it when people would mistake me for a boy, I was beginning to dress very androgynously, my voice is deeper than an average cis girl, y’know. After I took off my scarf and got na undercut, people would mistake me even more. I eventually went and made a facebook account using the name Adrian, a close anagram of my dead name because I wanted to have an online space where I could be me and apart from my family. But then people who I knew in real life who’d added my new profile started calling me Adrian to my face and at first I, or my girlfriend at the time would correct them, but soon I realised that I kinda liked it, and I’d like to just go by Adrian. And that started to lead me to the point where I was examining my gender, and learning about different terms for trans and intersex people, and I thought that maybe nonbinary would be cool. I thought for a long time that I might just be a trans boy, but I also really didn’t want to go through the transition process, I’ve never wanted to go on testosterone, or have top surgery, or be wholly one of the boys. I’ve always felt comfortable in the little inbetween between boys and girls, the concept of gender as a spectrum is a very positive one for me, and I like existing somewhere on that spectrum. Genderfluid feels most comfortable for me right now, I like being able to embrace both my masculine and feminine side at will, and it suits the changing nature of my personality, and I hate the idea of sticking in the box of binary gender.

I feel like my presentation changed after realising my genderfluidity. Not so much in embracing my masculinity, but instead in embracing my femininity. I had always felt like maybe I couldnt be feminine because of how llong id spent dressig in a traditionally masculine style, but after realising that I was genderfluid, I made an effort to express that side of myself, and to not be boxed in by conventions.

I feel like stereotypes can be a bit of fun I the lesbian community, like when I was just coming out and still dressing as a very muslim woman, flannels were honestly my godsend, I felt gay even though I didnt look gay, I could just have the flannel on with my scarf and identify myself to the community. But at the same time there are a lot of stereotypes that I don’t like – there’s a lot of biphobia, based on bisexuals wanting to have fun with girls, but not settle down with girls. And that sort of negative stereotype annoys me because it’s just gatekeeping at that point, by saying that you cant really be into girls if you’re also into guys. It also invalidates the experiences of everyone who had to practice compulsory heteronormativity when they were kids, because we were always told that boys being with girls was the default, and that was what we were supposed to go for. Some people’s lesbian inner voice isnt as loud as other peoples, they would have dated men, but that doesn’t make them any less gay than anyone else. I hate the idea of gold star lesbians, just because you havent slept with a man doesnt make you better than someone who doesnt. I’ve never slept with a man, but I dont feel more valid than anyone else, if anything I feel less valid because they at least have had the experience to know that they’re definitively gay. When they’re in a bit of fun, stereotypes can be fun, but when they turn that corner into something toxic, it becomes a real problem which we need to be much more vocal about criticising and removing from society.

I feel like there are more and more mainstream shows that are coming out and showing positive representations of the LGBT experience. They do lean on stereotypical looks for their characters, but I feel like thats just visual shorthand so they dont have to do a lot of work with the characters, and can just front load a lot of their personality through their outfits.

I know for a fact that the internet is and will continue to be an incredible resource for queer people, as it gives us a chance to create a safe space to explore our identities in private. I for one wouldnt have even known that lesbianism was a thing without the internet because of my sheltered upbringing.

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[alicedoessurveys]

The obligatory boring stuff… sort of.

Most hated childhood nickname: some annoying kid used to call me Abraham Lincoln because my last name is very similar to Abraham Age you were when you hit your current height: around 18ish I guess Speaking of height, how tall is your crush/sig other? around the same height as me Your first favorite color, and how old you were when you liked it: idk ive never really had a favourite colour, I like the colour purple but I would say I favour it over every other colour 

Favorites

Favorite kind of cheese: mozzarella  Favorite TV show you love to hate: love island or bachelor maybe? Favorite kind of hot beverage: hot chocolate  Favorite chord (I’m a music major, I had to put this one in): I have no bloody idea Favorite musical instrument: violin, when played correctly Favorite brand of toothpaste: Colgate  Favorite kind of sandwich: cheese Favorite method of travel/transportation: depends where im going and what time of day. mostly just like the convenience of driving but at rush hour or if its a long journey id rather not Favorite means of expression: words? im confused  Favorite Broadway musical: dude, theres way too many just dont even ask  When’s the last time you…?

Ate something you hate? never Did someone a favor? today, drove Jacob home after rehearsal Felt like you’d really accomplished something big? when I got my first pay from my first week at work Missed your parents? my mom was in hospital for a week last month and I really missed her Spent longer than two hours talking to the same person? tonight at rehearsal Wrote/recieved an actual letter (not a bill, not an email)? a few weeks ago  Felt like everything was going really really well? gosh I dont remember Felt like you’d failed? today, I lost my temper in the dressing room and threw a lot of shit around Stopped to smell the roses– literally? I don't know  Spent way too much money on something totally dumb? hahaha grocery shopping yesterday  Enjoyed doing homework? never

[hearingmyselftalk]

interesting phenomenon, really

the things you learn from the people that you date. 

you learn what you like and what you don’t like, what you’ll tolerate and what you absolutely won’t stand for... but something i never thought about until my last relationship is: what are peoples thresholds forreal? and at what point is acknowledging these thresholds the right time to?

what do i mean by thresholds? people’s tolerance, expounded. what are people really willing to put up with when it comes to a boyfriend/girlfriend. you know how people date and joke around and say, “if i were to get into some kind of freak accident and left bound to a wheelchair for the rest of my life, would you still love me?” that’s a super high threshold innit? 

if we were to scale a threshold or were to explain different levels of tolerance as scenarios to ME, they would go as follows;

-losing a job -finding out you’re depressed/anxious some other kind of mental ailment -repetitive, never ending, annoying arguments -physical ailment, something long term or something like losing a limb, or facial disfigurement -toxic arguments where there are often low-blows, using something said in confidence to you as a defense, verbal abuse -terminal illness of yourself or direct family members -death of a close family member

along the lines, i’m sure there are other various scenarios that would test a persons tolerance or their threshold for dealing with you like if you murdered someone or, just having too different of opinions or even something smaller (i guess i figure the smaller things would get weeded out earlier because if those things bother you now, you figure you would address them now, but that’s for another time) however, you really have to know the person you’re dealing with.

that’s really my bottom line. it sounds so simple like when you say it outloud, but really, investing so much emotionally and mentally into a person, when it comes down to bullet two, repetitive, annoying never ending fights... i’m just different because one) i believe in picking and choosing your battles and two) i genuinely have thought ive found the person that i would obviously prefer not to have fights with, but if they were gonna be with anybody, they’d be with you...and it doesn’t ever happen like that for me is what i’m trying to say. 

i’ve grown EXPONENTIALLY when it comes down to how i handle my relationships. i really really need to work on the whole “leave before you get left” ideology because it’s not working. it just doesn’t work. and that’s not even what i really want. i’m truly a lover, and im a firm believer in fighting for the shit that you really want. nobody ever wants to fight for me though. LOL. i read in mark mansons book unfuck yourself, about being a winner. telling myself we weren’t going to end up together and we would stop talking, is me being me, self sabotaging, and at this point, miss me with manifestation because that shit doesn’t work for me either, but saying that and then it happening is literally me winning. but in the bad way. in the way that mark said that we fuck ourselves. by inadvertently or subconsciously and even really more often than not consciously make decisions and essentially have thoughts that turn into exactly what ends up happening. i end up winning but not really in the way i want. 

but then i ask myself, can i even be mad, really? can i? i knew that he wasn’t sure about me for a long time, so i believe i’m equally guilty of knowing the cards could have fell like this. but then the lover in me says, i stayed to see if anything would change, but the reality is, you can’t love someone into loving you. and as much as i wanted to put a lot of ... i don’t want to say blame but a lot of the weight on “a man” knowing about you, right, knowing if you’re “the one” or “her”, but i feel like if you’re in a place where you’re even questioning if you think he’s certain about you, or if you’re ballsy enough and wanna fucking ask, hey, how do you really feel about me, do you feel like i could be right, or am i just for right now, and if he straight up tells you, it ain’t you, you’ve got choices, but one of them ISN’T getting mad at the fact ya’ll break up because he finally decided he didn’t want to be with you anymore.

how mad can you get, can you be, really, right? if you willingly participate and spend time and make yourself available for someone who reciprocates time and energy but not affection. they won’t talk about relationships with you in a realistic way. they speak to you as if everything is up in the air and they have no kind of control or role to play in the situation. you can’t be mad at that. you can’t blame someone for finally making up their mind. 

and, speaking of getting mad, you can’t get mad about someone not being sure about spending the rest of their life with you, or even what a future looks like with you, if you yourself can’t even see the future!! make it make sense. the only concrete plan i really have for myself is suicide, and i’m a super high functioning depressive, so that sounds really sad or whatever, but i mean, really, that’s the only thing my mind reverts to whenever i think about the future forreal. even when i’m “happy*”, i don’t ever see me 5 or 10 years from now, like in a better place, happy. 

i wonder if that’s because i’m just a negative, miserable ass person, or if, like i’ve said before, my depression just really does not allow me to see into the future. i don’t even like trying to project months time, because fuck, anything could happen. it seems easier to predict negative timelines or realities than positive ones, because my happiness doesn’t really seem to exceed 2 years. and sick of me to frame the basis of my happiness on when i was in relationships but i know me. but really, i don’t see anything when i think about the future, it’s like just this completely blank slate and anything could happen... it’s like im sure ill be alive i guess somewhere but living where? doing what? with who and i had what? nah. it’s just not, realistic, i can’t plan for something i can’t even imagine. 

but i don’t know why being in relationships make me happy?? i’ve tried to reason it within myself and i’ve got some pretty solid theories: - weird familial dynamic when it came to showing and expressing love to each other has me desperate for a non obligatory love, that actually caters to my love language  - obviously being with someone who makes you feel good and you vibe with and shit literally does shit to your chemically but yeah what the fuck ever -trying to make up for attention i didn’t get when my sister was sick, so i’ve turned to romantic love as an escape, or attach romantic love with feeling happy because i was in a serious relationship with someone when my sister first got sick so having that person to go to made me feel better -unprotected sex -im just a codependent person because i dont have any other friends, hobbies, interests or activities i like to do, so being up under someone and consumed with them gives me something to do -gives me hope?

i think i might really be getting down and into some shit right now... i was going to say to myself well why would being in a relationship give me hope, and i know i was saying that because i often feel worthless and like nobody will love me forreal, but it’s like, why is that the basis of happiness for me? i love love, but love might not really fuck with me forreal because the fact that i even am doing this shit for love, but getting fucked by love, or letting some fuck ass boy tell me i’m worthless like be an end all be all for me... or somebody deciding that they don’t want to be with me or that i’m not the girl they want to spend their life with, why should that bother and break me so bad? 

why does that end up being the bottom line or how shit comes back around? i didn’t really attach the fact that i was with someone that made me feel good when i was going through something that would change my life forever. completely. i think this is it. i rely so heavily on relationships as a source of happiness because when i was at my lowest, my relationship made me feel good. 

it just dawned on me, i’ve never had a relationship that ended on a healthy amicable note, or that wasn’t overly explosive and “passionate”... and i think i blow up because i associate people i love leaving me, with abandoning me to be back alone with my problems i have due to my sister being sick. 

im unpacking these things. that is a completely new concept that i had never thought about or realized before. i knew i was USING relationships to overcompensate.... i remember telling ____ _, i use people/guys im dating as an escape from my reality. when you don’t want to see someone losing their mind, you want to be with anybody that can keep you away from that and make you feel good about yourself. you want to be with and around someone that’s going to make you feel normal. 

that’s another thing i’ve been thinking about lately... my lack of knowledge about various kinds of mental health fucked me too. if i had even an inkling that it was a much grander spectrum than crazy socio psycho i would have been better prepared. i blame tv. i blame schools. nowadays, you see advertisements for all kinds of mental health issues. and good for people now to be exposed, but i feel like i was blindsided by not knowing. i would have spent less time being upset about it because i would have known better.

i feel like i kind of just, one day got tossed into that life, or like literally that’s when my season of the truman show, but featuring me was on. and it was just a terrible fucking time in my life. 

i started taking some drugs to help, i stopped them though, but they did really work. i just wish i didn’t have to remember them or stay on such a routine about it... i didn’t feel anything at all. and that’s how i would love to feel all the time. just neutral. i remember watching a soldier coming home and surprising their mom or something video and wanted to cry even just happy tears and my body wouldn’t do it. i said i would take a pill before tomorrow, when i’m supposed to be meeting up with the guy who i’ve spent the out of the last 16 months? all but 3 collectively (if you added up all the single days out of the last 16 months, it would probably equate to 3 months i did not see this person), and now we don’t talk. i’m crushed but also ^^^ ????? you see what the fuck i’m talking about. i can’t be mad. 

that’s really what i keep saying to myself. literally, everyday i tell myself. “he’s going to talk to, and have sex with, and date, and kiss and talk to other people. he probably is now. he is going to date her for a couple of months, make her his girlfriend, they will get engaged, or have a baby and that is what will happen because we are 30 and that’s what happens when you’re 30. you find someone else and you just move on” no joke. i say that to myself everyday. it really helps too, because when we first stopped talking, i used to get the worst gut wrenching anxiety, to the point i would feel like i was going to throw up. thinking about him with someone else, laying up with someone else, exploring and just doing the little shit with someone else, it stings, but i did get through typing out that off the script part of my mantra about the reality of dating without my stomach turning too much.

my body had been tried to tell me to get out. and i ignored it for so long. i don’t think we would rekindle this relationship. if it was up to him we would never talk about it again, and we would actually probably never talk again. if i see him tomorrow, if he doesn’t flake on me. i know the whole vibe will be different. i know he won’t try to sit next to me or want to talk about it. i’m just going to be coming over as a friend, to smoke and watch black monday.

the real test will be going into his crib and sitting in his presence, it’s been over a month, and my stomach is actually going crazy thinking about that, but again, that’s my ever active imagination. i’ve always had one, even as a kid. thinking up literally the most dramaticized versions of situations that would never ever ever fucking happen, like really like some only in the movies shit and even then it would be a fucking corny ass cringey ass movie. im getting queasy thinking about some shit and how awkward it will be, and he’ll end up texting me to cancel the whole shit before this misery can actually play itself out. lmao.

it hurts to feel replaceable when we were so cool though. and honestly, dating him is a regret i actually have. i regret that, forreal. i would have preferred to just have been friends. because knowing what i know and have been known, that i was i never her, i always knew that wasn’t going to magically change for me, even if i played along and put on the monkey suit. it was always on some “im just tryna see” shit.... it’s like why even mix shit up or get so involved? i knew he didn’t know, he knew he didn’t know, we both knew he didn’t know, and the conversation “youre either gonna accept it, and stay or leave” it’s literally so fucking insulting but when you actually fuck around and accept it and stay, that’s when you’re sick and you fucked up on some real shit. but when you’re thinking to yourself “if i leave, this nigga won’t care” and like you KNOW, leaving would only prove yourself right... you really just feel stupid. 

but that’s really my thing though. at the end of the day, i was really fed up, ready to get the fuck on and be over it. i was mad and upset and talking crazy and real slick, but after a few weeks i would have reached back out to him like i dont want beef, and i legitimately don’t think i would be here now dwelling on shit. it’s like i was already out the door right, like, i had all my shit, my coat, keys, phone, wallet, mask, feelings, everything. i had never been so ready to be out in mY LIFEEEE... and then it’s like you went and did the one thing i put emphasis on meaning something to me and like at an attempt to grasp straws or like not lose the fight, you did that, and then turned around and flipped on me and now treat me like i said fuck your mother, eat shit, i hope you die.... i’m just confused. that’s why im torn like am i really not shit... or do the people i meet and glorify really just be terrible people? i kind of think just off the fact that he did that, i shouldn’t talk to him ever again. to practically beg me to not stop talking to you, it like literally feels like you only did that shit so that YOU could be the one breaking things off. and that’s beyond petty to me. it’s super vindictive, and like we say shit is mean, and people are mean, but like in the context of things, doing something especially specific to someone that to them means you care, and then renege on that, you might as well had just spit in my face forreal. 

i have a feeling stronger now, that we won’t link up tomorrow. 

link. lol. at 3:50 IN THE MORNING he texted me asking me about this stick figure dancing really silly that i sent it to him talking about thats how i dance in his kitchen, and it’s hard to think he wasn’t up after having just fucked someone and probably saw something similar to that and was dying laughing thinking about the one i sent... so when i sent it to him, he asked for a link to it, probably because the screenshot of the video i sent had me laughing in it or something, and he couldn’t show that to the new girl bc “he texted a “friend” (non gender specific) and they had the video and wanted to see if they still had it” 

but a goofy i am that i thought he mayyyy have meant link with me, with all that extra emphasis, and of course, when i replied in extra innocent confusion, i don’t have the link only a screen recording.. he said oh. lol. 

when we decided to stop talking in general it was goofy. i email him saying i miss you, he unblocks my number and texts me somewhere between i miss you too and im pissed off still and so we talk and he’s like oh i spent this last week hating you for no reason and yadda yadda and then that segways into me talking about us being done, and he goes “why are you so finite about everything, i need to time to just sit and think” just to still turn around in the same day and be like yeah naw we don’t talk now. everything is a mixed message, but i’m just gonna chalk it i wouldn’t dare even try to bring the shit up unless he tried to. but that was it. like okay we don’t talk no more. and again we didn’t have screaming matches or block each others number again after that or any other petty fights. so for us to go from seeing each other to every day to it’s been over a month, and texting someone who would text you back within 3 minutes, not even respond to you for hours or even the same day.... the shit is all just weird. it really makes me even second guess being around him because it’s like, i know i still care, but that’s just me hurting myself to care. at this point, he’s accepted that it’s over and done with and his life will go on and he’ll date new people and hang out with new girls and get to know them and like completely throw me away like the fact that it doesn’t even feel like this person is even a friend now is completely beyond me. maybe im just that fucking far removed from dating and breaking up so me expecting someone to still want to talk to me is asinine and insane but what the fuck ever. 

honestly, i’m a better writer or more expressive when i’m depressed. in a manic depressive episode, i thought for a second, if i start documenting what i write when i’m sad, and i get a really good series of short sad stories or these bouts of where i just want to say some shit like this whole post, then when i kill myself someone will find them and ill be like a fucking world renown emo writer like poe, saying beautiful miserable shit that people relate to and relate to it so much more because the pain of what i go through is seared into them, so they get it. 

pain.... i thought earlier about pain and suicide..... and how people who are suicidal and are looking for a way out but would like it to be as painless as possible are people who already deal with too much pain they know they can’t take anymore because they want to leave, but they literally also can’t take anymore because it’s like, give me a fucking break. then you have the suicidal people who do shit like suicide by cop or slit their wrists or set themselves on fire and shit, and i think, people like that feel so much pain, maybe they’re incapable of even registering the out as painful... maybe having to feel that is nothing compared to how they feel all the time... 

[dorkcresswxll]

i went...... hard y’all this is so extra and embarrassing but i spent like,, over an hour writing this down so ur all gonna see it u better.

Why did you choose to play the character that you do at Crimson Revolt?

im gonna be honest like………………………………. i picked dirk bc i wanted to play ezra miller lmao. I KNOW HOW SHALLOW THAT IS DONT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT OKAY I CAN EXPLAIN!!!!!!!! alright so before i apped for crt the first time i was at…… a pretty low place confidence-wise bc i’d just left the first rpg i ever joined (also the first rp thing i ever did) and it was a pretty,,,, messy departure lmaoo i gotta admit i could’ve handled that better orz. BUT ANYWAY so i went looking through the ezra miller fc tag bc i’d just discovered this fabulous person and had vague ideas about a character that could fit the fc (dramatic, cheeky, a lil flamboyant) and was also thinking “i will never fall in love with a character the way i did my previous ones again” and more dramatic bullshit along those line bc like i said,,, bad time. obviously i didn’t find any active rpgs that had him in use so i checked crt bc i’d seen it around before and liked the look of it, so i sent the main an ask like “do you see ezra miller working for any of your open characters?” the admin at the time pointed me to barty crouch, peter pettigrew and dirk cresswell.

i just want to take a moment to digest that i could literally have played any of these three, cause all i had at the time was a vague idea of a character and a fc to match. i remember i spent days trying to decide between barty and dirk cause neither skeleton fit my vision perfectly and they both seemed aimed more towards an angry jock-type character (especially dirk his fc was miles teller which…. should give u a good idea of what the admin at the time had in mind for him) ( i mean the first skeleton. the one on the main now is one i rewrote after the main crashed back in june.) (just to clarify: the original skeleton had just as much potential to evolve to a complex and intriguing character as any other skeleton here at crt. i just had my vaguely dramatic ezra miller bby and i wanted it. lmao.) but i liked challenging set characterizations and bringing unique perspectives to contrast against any expectations the admin/s might have about a character. which is why i tend to go for skeleton rps, you get more freedom with those. eventually i decided on dirk bc i liked the sound of aversio and grey moralities appeal to me greatly. i spent a long time delving into the character’s backstory and personality and all those deep-seated insecurities and compelling contradictions that make dirk up to be the person he is now. by the time i submitted the app i was thoroughly in love with the character and haven’t stopped since. he’s my most developed and my most beloved character to play thus far.

Do you have a favorite holiday?

NOPE. as long as im surrounded by people i love and a lot of snacks im good.

Do you prefer coffee or tea? Perhaps neither, or both?

coffee. coffee coffee coffee.

What is your personality type?

INFP-T. the mediator. 86% introverted lmaooo.

What is your Hogwarts House?

ahhh. when i first read the books a few years ago i was like ‘iM A SLYTHERIN DONT TOUCH ME!!!!!’ but i…………literally have the subtlety of a bulldozing stampede of rhinos im sure y’all noticed. i took the pottermore test and had the glaring red n gold show up on my face and i shut the laptop down so fast like liES I BELIEVE NONE OF THIS. then i took a fan-made test that put me in ravenclaw and i was like…………….. ok i accept this compromise i can work with that. lmao im such a gryffindor tho don’t look at me im just *flops* pottermore was right….. i accept my place now i have stopped running from the truth orz.

What is your Zodiac Sign?

Taurus.

Three most recently watched on Netflix?

SURPRISE! i don’t have netflix. most recent stuff i watched tho are Stranger Things 2, IT (2017) and…. i can’t remember orz. but im obsessed with stranger things taLK TO ME ABOUT STEVE HARRINGTON PLS I LOVE HIM SO MUCH *SOBS*

Describe your ride-or-die friend.

don’t call me out like this…………………………………. i don’t make friends in real life people are difficult and i am awkward orz.

If you could have any superpower, what would you choose?

the ability to focus whenever i want at whatever i want for however long i want and actually manage to be productive with my time. what do u mean this is not a superpower i need it to be one.

Are you an early bird or a night owl?

i have no sleep schedule to speak of. sometimes i sleep at five am and wake up at eight am to get to my classes, then have a six hour nap when i get home and stay up until four am again. sometimes i go to bed on eight pm and wake up at four in the morning and still sleep through my classes, take a small four hour nap when im home and spend obligatory time with the fam for a couple hours lmao. it’s like im just sleeping or waking up either way im always a step removed from a zombie. there is. no reason for any of this i just do it.

What is your favorite color?

YELLOW. it’s so bright and sunny and iouwodc. i love it.

What is the last book you read? What is your favorite?

ahhhh i can’t remember my memory is failing me. which is sad cause i used to pick up a new novel every other day but i just can’t be bothered anymore ugh. i think my favorite was the whole PJO & HoO series’ – i haven’t read the last book yet tho, so i’ll start rereading all ten books when i get the chance.

Where would you rather be right now?

on a bed. sleeping. alone. with a lot of blankets. solitude appeals to me on such a deep level guys u don’t even know.

Have you ever watched the sunrise?

the ones i remember are three – once when i was a kid with my mom, bc i wouldn’t go to sleep and it was approaching sunrise and i rambled about wanting to see the sun come up so my mom was like……………���… ‘*throws hands up* ok u lil monster u win’ and took me to the roof to watch the sunrise lol. it was glorious. and cold. bc winter. the second time was with my cousins who were sleeping over (for the first time in a loooong tiiiimmmeeee) and we decided to spend the night up on the roof bc why not. the last time was with my brother i think he was up there fixing something or the other and i was just there….. to be annoying lmao.

Do you listen to music when you write? If yes, what kind of music?

oh no i can’t. i need everything and everyone to be quiet or i can’t write a thing.

What’s the one thing you especially love about roleplaying your muse/s?

what do i love about playing dirk…… his impulsive and his bright attitude and his endless optimism. he has such an uplifting presence and a cheeky sort of charm that makes it impossible for people not to love him, that makes his worming into other people’s hearts so entirely predictable and entertaining to play out. he is a myriad of contradictions – the difference between what he thinks everyone deserves and what he thinks he deserves is appalling, and with time it becomes clear that when he says things like “everyone needs someone to lean on” or “everyone could use some support” he is not referring to himself as a part of this ‘everyone’, if even on a subconscious level, does not find himself worthy of such kindness. he is a character so full of love he is spilling and overflowing with it, his raw emotions and his turbulent nature one of the dearest parts of him to me. the thin line he walks between being kind and violent, loyal and unforgiving, genuine and secretive. all the little details that make him up are reason for me to love him as dearly as i do.

What’s your favorite type of weather?

cold, but not too cold, y’know? just enough to wear a jacket but not so much you spend the night under five covers and a thermometer lmaoo.

What’s your best RP experience?

crt. no contest. and im not just saying that cause i’ve been in a bunch of rpgs by now and they all either a) lack dedicated admins/members b) are cliquey and non-inclusive at all or b) fall into inactivity a meager month or two after opening. crt is one of a kind.

Who inspires you?

this is actually a tough question cause i never really stop to think about it?? i draw inspiration from everything around me and it’s kinda like…. im constantly absorbing stuff from the environment im in and it’s like i’m always half-thinking about writing at any given moment, if that makes sense?? dunno.

Spread some love: mention someone you’ve met that has influenced you or your writing in a positive way and explain how!

ahhh okay so. before i tried roleplaying i stumbled upon this rpg in the fandom tag over a year ago and it’s basically been the catalyst for my time in the rpc. i was looking through the character’s blogs and found someone playing peter and i was like……….. not fond of peter at the time tbh but this person’s writing was so fucking incredible i checked their blog daily, just to see how this thread or that thread would go. their take on a character i’d only held distaste for before was so compelling and complex i was drawn in all the way, i’d even come to love the character so much and was constantly disarmed by the smallest to the biggest details in that person’s characterization – at least the details i could pick up on, some i’m sure went way over my head at the time. some details i still remember vividly and they’ve helped me shape my first character and have influenced my writing thereafter. i learned a lot about the duality of a character’s mind and how to express inner conflict by observing that person’s writing. (yes i sent them a nerdy af message gushing about all that bc they hadda know man…. they hadda know.)

[gayspock]

talk about doctor who, i must

hot take, but season 10 of doctor who could have been... literally been one of the best seasons yet? had it not been for the three-parter in the middle of it, the episodes were all pretty solid - the monk trilogy, ofc, could have been good but the whole thing was all over the place (weird... seems like having a different writer per episode DOES that) and it dragged on too long. otherwise theres really cool episodes in there. plus, although the mystery box shtick was kinda just in there and wasn’t something i was that big of a fan of (for quite  a few reasons) it wasnt the usual moffat series-arc bullshit of him trying to make it overly complicated, and “clever” (read: making an arse of himself). thankfully, most of that bullshit had kind of come to a close by this point, so he just had one season left to do and that gave him the necessary constraints so he wouldnt fuck it all up by going ham.

 moreover season 10 literally had one of the best companions in years?? like perhaps thats entirely personal preference, but bill was SUCH a fresh air after fucking clara had been dragged out for almost 3 years and her character hit the ground running after literally one scene (which sounds basic, but again after clara). nardole was also a generally nice addition, and something fresh & different fro the show,  and whilst i think they could have utilised missy better than they did (especially bc this was michelle gomez’s last hurrah, and shes INCREDIBLE)  they had some rlly nice scenes with her i think. 

but people trashed it for such. stupid fucking things. like bill saying she was gay  too much or people whine about the doctor saying “historys a whitewash” when thats just...? the truth???!?!!  or they harped on it for stupid things, like- people whined about the episode SMILE because bill said the word “emoji” and idiots thought “HaHA yEah EMoJi EpisodE hoW bAd” when it was nothing like that?? it wasn’t capitalising off of emojis or anything of the sort. instead... the literal whole thing.... was about technology and the rise of intelligent systems and how AI, despite how much we try to humanise it, will never be human  and will never be capable of understanding our morality and how expecting it to is dangerous??? 

and there were some genuinely just. nice episodes man. likee theres problems here and theres problems there but like- even when that was the CASE, i think the new vibe that this season brought made even THOSE feel better? which reminds me SO much of Russel’s era - where, yes, episodes like The Idiot’s Lantern weren’t good but I think they were still way more enjoyable than a bad Moffat episode if that makes any sense??????

and yes like. like it wasnt PERFECT? like, theres parts i would change- and im actually,... dont @ me but im considering doing a fic for the first time in years reworking it all because. im of the pERSONAL BELIEF that heather should have been there for at least the first quarter  and that missy’s storyline felt very tackled on and only was there to serve as the obligatory mystery box (which it didnt have to be, and i think the time we could have spent with her in earlier episodes would have been far more valuable than for moffat to do one last clever “gotcha” moment - that literally EVERYONE predicted anyway) and i think it could have also, in general, just been integrated better??? like- LIKE-

THE FINALE  is what throws this into such a stark light in my opinion - second only to the fact they didnt know where to put missys reasoning for being inside the vault, and shoved it into extremis(i think? some part of the monk trilogy) where it really didnt work.  but anyways with the finale... i think the problem with it was, was there was all that buildup and then the story focussed too much on the cybermen that the whole two masters gimmick just kind of went underutilised. and i would never want to sacrifice the story we got with the cybermen (world enough of time is in my top few episodes)  but i think that whole shtick shoul have been restructured differently. like it felt like they deserved their own separate finale - which, god, i would love it if season 10 had gone onto season 11 which is WILD bc i am happier than anyone else to ger rid of moffat but this season was just so LOVELY you know?????????

(and also as a side note: i know ppl at the time complained about s10 being too political, but like... the fact ppl complain about s11 being MORE political somehow is confounding. i stand by the fact that a lot of s11 was lukewarm in terms of making any  stands for anything, if that makes sense. however im looking through s10′s epi list and honestly like.............. no offence but i felt like this run was way more political than s11 but we all know why ppl say the latter is huh.)

[beardedwinnerobject-blog]

Cheap car insurance for a 17 year old?

"Cheap car insurance for a 17 year old?

Hi iv just bought a Volkswagen Golf S 1.4l engine and can only get quotes for car insurance of around 4k - 11k. Does anyone know of any insurance companies who can offer a lot less on insurance for teenagers? Thanks

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://salecarinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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I got a D.U.I. five years ago when I was 18. I got my license back one year later but I had to have my SR22 for three years. The DMV told me Oct. 7 2013 was the last date I had to posses an SR22. My insurance company is still having me pay $50 every month and they threaten to have the DMV suspend my license if I don't pay. I talked to my insurance broker but she doesn't explain the situation to me very well. What I got from her was that the monthly insurance payments are to give me insurance to drive any vehicle. Why must I have insurance to keep my drivers license? My father has the vehicle I drive insured so why do I need it?

Would insurance on a 79 Buick Skyhawk be expensive?

My husband and I found one extremely cheap, and I desperately need a car. Our worry is the monthly insurance rate. Would the age make it cheaper, or is it so old that it would begin to go back up?""

Is it best to wait until i am 25 to buy a car to save on insurance?

i heard it was like 3grand to insure a car for a male under 25 or is it 21?

What are the best health insurance plans in Massachusetts?

...for individuals available through the Mass Health Connector?

What is a good insurance policy for funeral andextra money for your family?

I know nothing about life insurance progams. What is a good insurance policy for funeral and extra money for your family? I'm 47, smoker but could quit, on disability?""

How much will my insurance go up after dui in ny?

OK so i recently was caught for a DUI in NY state , i am under my sister's insurance (geico) and the car is in my name....i want to know how much will the insurance go up even though my sister never had a claim and i am under her...""

How much car insurance do u pay yearly?

thanks

Does car insurance rate depend on a car's make and model?

I'm trying to decide whether to buy a 1999 toyota camry or a 2003 honda accord and i'd like to know if it makes a difference on the rate depending on year. I also recently got into a car accident that was my fault which i know will obviously increase my rate.

Can I have two different health insurance providers?

I would like to get my medical insurance from Geisinger choice (I live in PA and know first hand they are good insurance) but I want my dental and vision from Humana. Am I allowed to mix insurance companies??

Cancel Geico Insurance Online?

Is it possible to cancel my insurance online?

Car insurance - first time driver?

First time driver :) I'm 19 & female. I'm hopefully getting a car by the end of the year. So I was just checking the general insurance prices (I know they change regularly, but I just wanted to see) Anyway, I typed all my information, I was the main driver (I didn't put my parents down as additional drivers either) and the cheapest price was 694.94 - would that have been for the year? It was full comp too. It also had a total excess price, what does that mean? I'm really confused; I though first time drivers had high insurance?? Thanks! Also, I have a job so I will be paying for everything. Not my parents. I put in the quote that I had a full driving license, not provisional which I have. Just that I hadn't bought the car. I clicked on one of the quotes & it showed 11 monthly payments of 66.27 and the full total as 798.49 BQ: If I got my car within the next month; then asked my dad to teach me, would I then be able to take a couple lessons with an instructor before I took my test? Or would I need to have all my lessons with an instructor?""

Cheap car insurance for a 17 year old?

Hi iv just bought a Volkswagen Golf S 1.4l engine and can only get quotes for car insurance of around 4k - 11k. Does anyone know of any insurance companies who can offer a lot less on insurance for teenagers? Thanks

How much will my liability insurance be a month?

I'm buying a 1996 Mitsubishi eclipse gs and I'm a 16 year old girl. I'm completely paying it off. So roughly how much will my insurance be a month? Any tips for a first time car owner?

How much is your car insurance?

Just wondering. Mine's coming to 700!!

""Percentage wise, how much can car insurance go up after fender bender?""

I am currently with Esurance and I got into a fender bender where the insurance company paid out a little over 1,000 dollars. Around 1,400 dollars. I wish I knew it was going to be ...show more""

Can a ticket in another state affect my insurance rates?

Can a ticket in another state affect my insurance rates?

Are Farmers Insurance rates competitive?

My friend has auto insurance with them and claims they raised his insurance rates 4 consecutive times (every 6 months). He has 3 cars with them and no accidents nor tickets during this period. Is this normal other insurance companies to be raising their rates during the last 2 years? I mean the economy sucks and they still raising rates? Is the insurance business a monopoly? Do they raise their rates all at the same time, same rates?""

Auto Insurance in California?

I'm a new driver, all I have is my Permit right now. I'm trying to find insurance that isn't going to ream me financially. Also, don't you need insurance to get registration/new tags....or do you need the registration to get insurance? GAH, SOMEONE HELP!!! (And, if you're going to be a smartass, don't bother. K? Thanks!""

If i put a big engine in my small car will my insurance still be low?

i have a ford fiesta zetec 1.25, if i put a rs cosworth engine in it will it how much will it affect the insurance? i've been on gocompare.com and it give an option standard engine replacement . i have ticked it and the price has gone up from 682 to 1049. does this mean i can put any engine in my car and the insurance will be 1049?""

What is a good cheap auto insurance?

i have progressive right now and its almost 300 cause i have a new car..are there ne others that are cheaper but have a good policy??? i live in kentucky

How long will I need an SR22 in the state of california?

First DUI in California, Pleaded no CONTEST. I know that if I want an Restricted Lic. for the next four months I need an SR22 Plus prof of enrollment in the classes first offenders program 90 (days).""

How much will I be paying in car insurance if I'm a 23 year-old person?

Im a 23 year-old college student and have just gotten a car. I have always gotten a ride with my friends. My father just added me into his policy and it looks like I will be paying $224.11 for 6 months liability coverage, is that normal? I will be driving a 2001 Mazda Millenia. Also, what are the cheapest insurances for young adults? Thank you!""

Insurance or Registration?

I can only aford one or the other. I live in a very expensive state, california. I can only aford either insurance or car registration. am i better of to drive with insurance and no registration, or registration and no insurance.""

Primerica vs mass mutual life insurance?

Primerica vs mass mutual life insurance?

What is a cheep insurance for an 18 year old guy?

Hi i am 18 an live with my parents.I live in Louisiana an have a little white Nissan.I was just wondering about how much would it cost me a mouth for car insurance and what insurance company would be the best to go to.Any information would be helpful thank you very much.

Car insurance rates question plz help 10 pts?

I pay $187 a mth for car insurance & that's full coverage with $500 deduct. The reason I was told I'm paying that much was bc of a big wreck I had back in Aug 2010 and since it's coming up on 3 yrs and my premium expires in Aug I'm expecting my rates to go down a little. My insurance company jus told me that that's not why I'm paying that much it's bc of 2 speeding tickets I got back in 2010 Feb & April bt when my premium expires in Aug my rates will go down. My question is can you guys give me a estimate on how much you think I'll be paying in Aug when my rates go down??! I live in S.C. Btw Thanks so much in advance

""Why chevrolet insurance is cheap in alberta, canada?""

Why chevrolet insurance is cheap in alberta, canada?""

How many Americans go across borders for affordable healthcare?

How many Americans go across borders for affordable healthcare?

How much would it cost me a month?

If i wanted to buy a car for $16000 and i am 16 with no credit or anything. I have a job but my mom said she would pay half the payment and the insurance so i need to know how much would the monthly payment be. Thanks

Anyone have/had Sameday Insurance?

I have Geico and thinking of switching to Sameday Insurance. I was wondering if anyone can give me reviews about them. They are offering a very affordable quote for a premium coverage.

What kind of insurance overage should I get for my bike?

I have a 98 Honda Superhawk (996 CC). I'm unsure what kind of coverage I need since I'm learning to pay for my own insurance. It's a bike that I'm just planning to ride for small commute and weekends. I'm also trying to pay as little as possible. I was thinking of going with progressive. I got a rate of $300 Any idea of what coverage I need will be appreciated! Thanks

""Can auto insurance drop you for changing deductible, then filing a claim?""

I have a $1000 deductible, but want to file a claim to get my car fixed from an incident a while ago (like years ago) because I want to sell it for tuition money. No other vehicles, ...show more""

Home owner insurance in florida?

I need to by home owner insurance in florida at a reasonable price. and I need insuracnce this month

Car insurance?576568687?

ok just wondering, why do you get pulled over for not haveing car insurance if all it does is help you out if you get into a crash, is it actually required to have it while driving? and why....""

The cheapest life insurance policy?

I would like the cheapest life insurance policy but also the best possible premiums

Can I get an auto loan with a permit? and If a car is under my name can my moo give me insurance if I live?

Can I get an auto loan with a permit? and If a car is under my name can my moo give me insurance if I live with her with the same address?

Which is the best insurance company in Kenya?

Which is the best insurance company in Kenya?

Cheap car insurance for a 17 year old?

Hi iv just bought a Volkswagen Golf S 1.4l engine and can only get quotes for car insurance of around 4k - 11k. Does anyone know of any insurance companies who can offer a lot less on insurance for teenagers? Thanks

NJ car insurance?

NJ My daughter borrowed my car and was in a minor accident. She has her own insurance. My insurance company paid the other drivers claim and my insurance went up. Shouldn't my daughters insurance pay the claim. We have twoseparate companies.

How much does it cost to have a baby without insurance?

First, don't worry, I have wonderful insurance so me and my baby will be just fine. But, today in one of my college classes we were talking about medical costs without insurance and it got me thinking.... how much would we have to pay for prenatal care, hospital bills, and doctor's fees if I was not covered by insurance (from conception to delivery)? Anyone know?""

Does anyone know any really cheap car insurance companies for old cars?

I have an R Reg Corsa 1 Litre, and 6 years no claims, but it seems to be the age of the car that's bumping up my insurance policy? HELP!""

Insurance estimation for a 1998 - 2001 Mitsubishi Eclipse for a 17 year old?

Hi, i am 17 years old, active duty in the military an i am trying to buy a Mitsubishi Eclipse, although my mom keeps telling me that my insurance will be through the roof. Does anyone have an idea of how much it might cost me? For full coverage, in California? I understand that the Eclipses have a high death rate because they are quick, an teenagers tend to test the waters a little bit. However i am a responsible driver but i do want either an Eclipse or a Trans Am. Your time is much appreciated:) thank you!!""

Is $600/year normal price for insurance if the car is 10 years old?

My BMW Z3 is 1999 and I'm paying $600 a year for insurance in MD. Does anybody know why is it so high for such an old car? The car is now worth approximately $5000. Our other car is 2006 SUV and the insurance is cheaper. Why is that?

Car insurance and court hearing?

i drove my car without insurance and got by police got 6 points as i m on provisional then again after 2 months i got a car just to move in local place like for shopping and instead of geting a cab i thought i can use it but the moment i bought it i was driving back home police stopped me coz 1 break light was not working and got again points but the point is dvla didnt sent me a disqualification notice and after 3 months i was driving my friends car as it was just a scrap and had no fuel i was in petrol pump abt 12 at night police guys caught be because my friend was making some funny sounds there so got hearing and 1 yr ban...can some one tell me how much fine will i get and will they sentence me for jail...any help will be appriciated

Texas Insurance Question.?

My parents always freak out when I have to drive their car because mine is in the shop. We have different insurances and I am not on theirs. If a cop stops me will he take their car because my name is not on their insurance. This is my parents worry and I am also not really sure. This is in Texas of course.

What vision insurance is the best?

I really need to find a best vision insurance. Please help

Could I get car insurance before having a car?

I don't seem to have a car at the moment like I mentioned. But I was wondering if I could get a car first and then purchase the insurance or would that not work?

AXA Equitable Life Insurance?

anyone have Equitable as their insurance company? Comments? Also, can anyone tell me about the Flexible Premium Universal Life Insurance Plan? THANKS!""

I am a new driver with insurance queries.can anyone help me?

i am a new driver and i am thinking of buying a cheap,affordable,small car (ford ka). The problem is that if i put my father's name as the main driver,who has his licence since ages,and put my name as a 2nd driver, how much approx. will my insurance come down to?+ i got my pass plus.""

How much would car insurance and tax cost?

I was just wondering how much car insurance and tax and anything else i would have to pay other than the price of the vehicle would cost a 23 year old in England on an Automatic Chevrolet Camaro, Automatic Range Rover Sport or an Automatic Ford Mustang GT.""

For a 17 year old - how much does a car cost to run each month?

when i pass my test, i don't know whether to a actually buy a car. i'm 17 and if i bought a car, how much would it roughly cost to run including the insurance, maintenance, mot, and everything except for the petrol/diesel. the only problem is, i don't think i actually need the car as i'm at college with a bus pass, but in the summer i want to drive lots of places with friends like go camping etc with a car. i was interesested in renting one as it seems ideal for my wants, but you need to be like 22 to rent. is this true? to anyone who is driving at 17 in the uk - is it worth it or is it too expensive?""

I need health insurance help?

if i were to call 911 and the firefighters came and also an ambulance how much would i have to pay eventough i have kaiser and i have health insurance. around how much?

Will my car insurance rates go up after my first fender bender?

I'm sixteen years old and i got into my first fender bender. I was at fault, but the officer at the scene said that the damage was minor and would probably be less than 400 dollars. However, I was just wondering if my parent's insurance rate would go up ( I'm under their name) and whether or not it would just be easier to pay out of pocket. And if it did go up, how much do you think ( i live in Tennessee )""

How will adding 40 million more people to the Health Insurance rolls improve Health Care?

But don't be misled. We know the status quo is unsustainable. If we do nothing, millions more Americans will be denied insurance because of pre-existing conditions, or see their coverage suddenly dropped if they become seriously ill. Out-of-pocket expenses will continue to soar, and more and more families and businesses will be forced to deal with health insurance costs they cant afford. David Axelrod Senior Advisor to the President Why suddenly focus on the insurance industry? If, as Axelrod says, the status quo is unsustainable .. How will adding 40 million more to the insurance rolls suddenly make it sustainable ? . How will adding to the costs of Insurance Companies decrease their costs? . How will doing nothing , and thereby sustaining the huge profits of the drug industry and the medical industry, reduce medical care costs to the average American?""

""No insurance, spun out on highway during severe snow storm and was hit. Who is at fault?""

The section of highway I was driving on was 2 lanes wide and straight for a mile. Traffic traveling the opposite direction was separated by about 100 feet of grass. The maximum speed limit is 65mph and the minimum is 45mph. I was traveling at an estimated 45mph in the slow lane. The tail end of my car began to slide out to the right and I was unable to correct this due to the terrible conditions of the road. I spun completely around and was facing directly into traffic in the fast lane. A car traveling in the fast lane (at a rate of speed unknown to me) hit me head on, totaling both cars. Its hard to be sure, but I am estimating that the time between initial loss of control and impact was around 10 - 15 seconds. There were no injuries. I did not have insurance on my car due to being a college student and not having help from my parents. It is not legally necessary to possess insurance. Two months later, a collection agency is looking for $3,472 from me. Should I have to pay this?""

Will car insurance cost more if i fail my road test?

I just failed my G1 exit test, and I am wondering if this will affect my insurance once I do pass""

Live in FL need to know were to get low car insurance rate for my daughters 2001 saturn sl1?

She is going to need comp and collision because she owes on the car she is 22 and has 1 speeding ticket cost per month now is approx 170.00 any help would be great she has progressive now

2000 HONDA CIVIC CAR INSURANCE?

I'm 18 and a girl and have had my license for 2 years. My car insurance is 170$ a month, is that a lot? I don't know much about cars but it doesn't seem right. I only have full coverage for my medical and not my car. I have AAA car insurance. HELP please!""

Camera insurance with comet!?

6 or so months ago I bought a camera and had it insured with comet, if you don't know yet comet is having a break down and stores are closing all over the uk including the one near me. My next payment is due in December and then I have a final payment to make next year. If something happened to the camera it is come who would have had to replace it... So what happens now? Can I still insure my camera or will comet stop taking the payments or will they charge me for my insurance and give nothing back? Thanks for the help!""

How much would insurance for cars be around for 18 year olds ?

How much would insurance for cars be around for 18 year olds ?

Where can I get affordable health insurance in PA for my new small business?

I am an enrolled IRS tax agent and have opened a small office with 2 full time employees. I need to find affordable health insurance for my employees. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Term Life Insurances-Unknown policy?

Could anyone, e.g my ex-wife, open an insurance policy for me and make herself the beneficiary without me knowing. If that can be done how can I confirm that there is such a policy?""

I'm 17 and can't find car insurance for under 2000. Does anyone have cheaper?

what car, insurance company ect? thanks :)""

Cheap car insurance for a 17 year old?

Hi iv just bought a Volkswagen Golf S 1.4l engine and can only get quotes for car insurance of around 4k - 11k. Does anyone know of any insurance companies who can offer a lot less on insurance for teenagers? Thanks

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/ireland-car-insurance-quotes-online-ryan-george"