#npd mother and bpd son = terrible abusive relationship

[honeypleasejustkillme]

the realization that i will never stop being the little kid that begs my mom to acknowledge how hard im trying… fuck i hate her so much.

[serial-unaliver]

>MISOGYNY MAKES MEN MENTALLY ILL..The way men are socialized in society actively breeds traits of narcissism, sociopathy, and psychopathy.

that is not how mental illness works. it's absolutely true that the society and environment someone lives in shapes their personality, but in order for something to be considered disordered it goes far beyond that. also, it isn't just the way men are socialized. i'm a woman with severe mental health issues most commonly seen in men. it's also worth noting the way men and women present certain traits can differ as well when they try and conform to gender roles. bpd is sometimes called the "female version" of other cluster b personality disorders simply because it focuses on emotional hysteria. are more men really narcissists and sociopaths or do women with the same issues fly under the radar due to a different reflection of behavior and different values? and it's strange you acknowledge socialization impacts behavior but conclude that this means men are just inherently more violent and mentally ill. there is no evidence either of these things are biological. rather, 'acting out' behavior in men is simply normalized and accepted more than in women, and men not wanting to come across as "emotional" suppressing their emotions worsens this.

>In reality, we have no clue what the clinical levels of NPD are in populations because even most people with full-blown clinical NPD are never gonna get help. On the inside, they may be fragile, depressed, insecure, incapable of secure attachment, etc. but narcissism, along with psychopathy and sociopathy etc. are not disorders measured by how fucked up your day-to-day functionality is.

ASPD (what you call sociopathy) and NPD are identified as mental disorders which by definition requires impairment in daily functioning. yes, NPD may make seeking out diagnosis less likely, but as I mentioned in my post, the way a lot of NPD diagnoses occur in the first place is the person seeking treatment for other co-occurring issues.

>In fact, they're usually getting what they want often enough to successfully suppress their internal issues and to the outside world, it often looks like they're thriving.

this is just objectively untrue. clinical narcissists are more vulnerable than the average person to many things you have to deal with in life such as criticism, which makes things like a work environment and relationships rocky.

>We live in a culture that rewards narcissism, especially male narcissism. Part of narcissism is targeting people you perceive as weaker for supply and for many men- those people are women. There is no neat, clean separation between misogyny and mental illness in men.

and why are women perceived as weaker in the first place? misogyny. there is no mental illness that makes you automatically hate women. this is learned behavior. portraying it as a form of mental illness is opposite to what you want to do when addressing the issue. also, narcissism may present differently in men and women due to the way they are raised. a lot of mothers people refer to as narcissistic have misogynistic values as well--how many times have you heard about a mother in law trying to sabotage her son's marriage? how could these situations possibly exist without misogyny? no one is born with certain values.

>If a misogynistic man is exhibiting narcissistic traits it's not terribly important if he's clinical or not.

the point of the post is not to tell you how to correctly identify different kinds of narcissists, but to recognize the most common source of the issue AND that portraying social issues such as misogyny (and any other really) as mental illness will improve nothing and may even make things worse for abuse victims (the example of what courts do is actually from my own experience with my abuser).

there was a tiktok I made a while ago basically saying "your abusive ex boyfriend is more likely a misogynist than a narcissist" and while most people agreed some said I was victim blaming(?) and that I couldn't know what their ex is like, and while obviously I don't, every fucking person describing their narcissistic ex is describing a typical misogynist. ask yourself, is this behavior you associate with narcissism directed at women or does he treat his male friends the same way? is his general functioning in life impaired?

many people don't seem to know this, but a mental disorder is NOT based on symptoms alone, it's based on how much the symptoms actually impair you in daily life. most people could look at a list of mental disorder symptoms and identify either themselves or someone else with them. as far as a narcissistic personality, we all know people who appear more self absorbed than others, but this is typically subclinical narcissism (presence of narcissistic traits without significant impairment of functioning) which is not a disorder. there is also a misunderstanding of what npd is. a narcissist is not a supervillain invincible to emotion. npd is a defensive reaction to trauma that lead to deep insecurity and fear of being seen as weak or vulnerable. so narcissists aren't actually "in love with themselves" at all and often are diagnosed when seeking help for other issues such as substance abuse resulting from their struggles.

this focus a lot of abused women in online pop psychology have on narcissism is particularly concerning because it completely glosses over misogyny which is literally a huge factor in violence against women. people really only know misogyny as a surface level thing. they don't know it can lead to family annihilation, for example, and is one reason most family annihilations are committed by the husband. it's always "this man is a sociopath" "this man is a narcissist" when the man's behavior is driven by ideology. I am so fucking tired of everything being tied to mental illness and left at that. you know what this leads to? courts "fixing" abusive men by...giving them anger management therapy. guess what? it doesn't fucking do anything because the problem isn't mental instability leading to anger, it's targeted, purposeful abuse. we are getting nowhere