#now they’re just trying to be homophobic /hj

[spineless-lobster]

I feel like hate watching troy but also that’s two hours and forty minutes of my life that I will never get back and y’know what I don’t want that negativity in my life right now

[pantherxdrawz]

Hey want some random AA hcs?

They’re romantic/sexual orientation and gender flavored

*Dumps these at your feet*

Also if I don’t include anyone specific I didn’t forget them I just don’t have one for that specific character yet

-Phoenix is Bi. He is the Bisexual king of this universe and everyone will know it-(I mean it’s a really popular hc anyways) Phoenix is also a trans man

-Edgeworth is DemiAroAce and ✨Gay✨ (Basically Edgeworth is like “I don’t need bitches.” *sees someone he’s grown rather close to as a partner or friend And they’re a man* “…On second thought-“) Edgeworth is also a trans man, it actually started when he was a child like he didn’t know yet he just liked suits and when he was old enough to understand he was like “…yeah I was an egg.”

-Franziska is also gay, but in the girl way

-Mia is Bi, and she’s a trans queen cause I said so

-Godot/Diego is genderfluid and pan, he also uses all the pronouns and is on the hunt for more. N o t e v e n y o u r n e o s a r e s a f e

-Von Karma is secretly Bi with a stronger guy attraction, but he pretends he’s not by hating on romance, no it’s not in a homophobic way but in a “NO ROMANCE FOR ANYONE ITS A WASTE OF TIME-“ way, and he can’t deal with a crush to save his life-

-Lang is Omni, and also a trans man, and if anyone complains about him wearing his shirt like that, or if he takes it off and someone complains, he’ll respond with the “hey I paid a lot of money to be shirtless/wear my shirt like this” joke, although I can also see his top surgery scars blending in well with his other scars cause he does have a crap ton (in my hcs anyways)

-Apollo: Gay Trans king. That’s it everyone go home.

-Klavier is Bi, he didn’t discover it until Apollo came along though, basically he was going around like “okay men are cute too I’ll admit not just the girls, but I’m still straight!” Than he actually fell in love with one he finally realized “…fuck I’m not straight am I” He is also trans, but is he a trans man or a trans woman, the answer is neither it’s a secret third option (Nonbinary and uses All pronouns)

-Kristoph is AroAce, I feel like this one’s kinda a hot take but, yeah to me he’s completely aromatic and asexual, no “Demi” about (insert the “Ace” attorney jokes let’s go let’s go)

it he’s not like completely completely against trying ether one but overall he’s like “Nope not interested keep your love story bullshit away from me.” Mixed with “I don’t need bitches. They disappoint me, *disco pose*” But yet he’s not aware he’s Aroace, he just thinks it’s normal, (in my AA swap au he realizes and embraces it a bit though)

as for gender, is he cis? is he trans? Nobody knows (secretly a trans man pretending to be a cis man, only Klavier knows this)

-Blackquill is unknown, by anyone, not even him himself, he’s definitely not straight though. Actually if he tells you he’s straight he says it like a joke and/or is trying not to laugh when doing so, also trans. You’ll never know in what way though

Taka however is the bird version of the homophobic dog

-Larry is straight and cis, which is canon anyways, I may ship some gay ships with him (like with lang-) but I overall see him as straight like in canon, Plus its fucking hilarious to picture him as the only straight and cis man in all of Japanifornia/hj

Edit: There’s one for Bobby now

-Bobby is transmasc, he gives me the vibes, Transbright real. (Also if all the detectives (+Lang cause he also technically is) met I feel like he and Lang would both get along and be very supportive of each other, like:

Bobby: Great news! I finally got my top surgery! It went great!

Lang: That’s amazing! Great for you! My bottom surgery is next week.

Bobby: That’s great! Best of luck! I can’t believe we’re both detectives and trans men!

Ema in the background: I’m a communist (no not really I just wanted to complete the joke)

)

Fulbright also gives me gay vibes

[woogurl]

(hi, it’s me again pretending as if i didn’t go on an unannounced hiatus).

yes, i’m back...for now. i’m not sure for how long. as i’m too busy these days, but i wanted to specifically make this post because it’s been bothering me for a while now. someone mentioned this in the woosan tag as well, but it’s...

non-atiny’s(and some anti-shipping atiny) who constantly feel the need to expose woosan as some cleverly put together ship that was carefully manufactured by the company. i’ve seen so many titles on youtube and posts on twitter saying how:

“woosan is obvious fanservice” and “woosan; a prime example of queerbating in kpop” 

i’ve never seen a ship be so criticized for being ‘out there’ and ‘in your face’. i’ve made a post on fanservice before but this post will mainly be focused on why i think it’s completely unfair, dishonest, homophobic, and antagonistic to view their relationship as manufactured and fake. and before you go, ‘i’m sure they’re good friends but all that other stuff is clearly done by the company.’ and don’t get me wrong, bc kq is very much aware of the ships and do try to profit off of fanservice...like every other company. but the clearest indicator of this not being MOSTLY all fanservice is something i’ve mentioned many times before.

1. the rest of the ships in ateez not being anywhere near the intimacy and skinship as woosan.

2. body language. 

3. the members THEMSELVES explaining their dynamics.

4. kq not FORCING ships.

ever since predebut and debut there’s ALWAYS been three main ships in ateez. seongjoong, yungi, and ofc woosan. 

as you could see, woosan was definitely thee most popular ship. however, i do believe their popularity grew over time because during the early era i’m sure seongjoong dominated, even on fanfic sites they dominate the amount of fanfics written about them. however, woosan’s clear comfort and intimacy with each other made them more popular among atiny’s and even non atiny’s they even had some taekookers saying their ship was realer and that’s saying something xD. 

something people really, no i mean REALLY need to understand is...doing fanservice does not invalidate an entire relationship. 

there are plenty of celeb couples who enjoy publicly dating and showing affection. 

then comes the argument of well, “if they were real they wouldn’t be so obvious about it.”

this statement bothers me because, people who believe that showing too much skinship is fanservice but then they’ll turn around and say at the same time it’s just culture???

it’s fair to see them doing their fake love dance routine and going THAT’S FANSERVICE. but looking at those moments and going ‘nah, their entire friendship gotta be fanservice.’ is delusional to me, as u like to call us shippers. 

even if you do not ship them romantically, it’s odd to me that people see two same-sex idols expressing comfortability, intimacy and skinship together and feel like if they’re too open about it or if it looks too gay then it’s....fake? even tho fans love to say it’s just apart of their culture. but if it gets too gay, then it’s fanservice. 

i can’t. xD

just because they’re completely comfortable with being intimate doesn’t mean they’re being forced to act that way...it literally just means they ARE that way. 

i constantly put emphasis on being comfortable with skinship and intimacy bc, to me that’s just not something the company can force. body language is a reaction from your true emotions and your inner most thoughts. IT IS THE FOUNDATION TO FIGURING OUT WHAT A PERSON TRULY FEELS INSIDE AS THEIR EMOTIONS WILL ALWAYS TRANSLATE THROUGH THEIR BODY. if u are uncomfortable it will be revealed through body language. and i know a ton of seongjoong shippers are gonna hate me for this, but they are a prime example of this. trust me i’m not here to start a ship war, i am purely just using them as an example of discomfort in body language. 

body language is something a company cannot control.

seongjoong show definite signs of being uncomfortable with intimacy, heck shippers use that one moment seonghwa expressed sadness bc hj hugged the other members and not him as a shipping moment lol. but even when they do hug it looks uncomfortable. my guess is bc hj is not good at expressing his feelings and isn’t a touchy person. and even tho seonghwa is comfortable with skinship, it’s understandable that it can become uncomfortable for him bc of the things i mentioned before as well as the power dynamics and age difference between them.

and here i am going to be stoned bc, i have more to say about seongjoong(don’t kill me). 

bc something the company also can’t control is what OR who the members hang out with OUTSIDE of group activities. so that’s why i’m also mentioning that i also don’t think seongjoong is as close as shippers think they are as...seonghwa mostly hangs out with woosan. and it is almost always mentioned how often woosan hang out together off camera. even early on. woosan hung out so much that it literally came to a point where yeosang felt like his bestfriend was taken from him. 

can we mention again how happy that makes san? and let’s not forget the moment woo said seonghwa was into him, but san was like. ‘you’re into me tho’ and they BOTH tried to gloss over that.

wooyoung: wHaT dO u mEaN? 

lol. people love to say how much san’s whipped for woo, but woo’s probably even more whipped. 

here’s more evidence of woosan enjoying each others company off camera. https://woogurl.tumblr.com/post/614348590729625600/nobody-wooyoung-san-and-i-bass-boosted#notes. 

we can even talk about a more recent moment. the ateez debate about mint chocolate. dunno what’s with these kpop idols debating about mint choco ‘cause bts did it too. lol. anyway, they ended up talking about the group dynamics. and how woosan again are always together. 

i-i’m sorry, but does moment remind y’all of a past moment? LMFAO. seonghwa’s feeling yeosang’s pain. 

seonghwa’s just like woosan says they’re tired of each other but can’t detach themselves. and here’s more evidence that the company isn’t forcing them. for those who thinks kq has some masterplan when it comes to promoting ships.

when they talk about their dynamics, jongho says he feels left out but hj exposes him and says, ‘we’ve tried to pair him with someone but he(jongho) just doesn’t do it’

so this just solidifies my statement from earlier, if the members don’t wanna promote a ship. they ain’t gonna do it. we got one or two vlives from twoho and das it. lmfao. don’t get me wrong. i’m sure jongho get along well with yunho as well as the other members, but promoting any of the other ships in ateez like woosan isn’t gonna work well. ‘cause the rest of the members don’t have the same dynamics. woosan are comfortable with skinship and being intimate with each other and the other members just are not.

another piece of evidence is the members tired reaction whenever woosan is mentioned. lmfao. 

this was so dramatic omg. but the members reactions are very telling of woosan’s relationship off screen. if woosan was just fanservice i do not believe the members would react the way they do, maybe share some knowing glances at each other like. ‘pfft, they think woosan’s real’ but their reactions are always big or very indicative of something bigger happening behind the scenes. lol. 

i’m not gonna go into too much details, bc the members reactions to woosan are an entirely different post(i got so many posts to make. xD).

Lastly Wooyoung’s Tatto. I know right? He’s very committed to fanservice guys. 

Amicus ad Aras is something that woosan made to signify their friendship, and the fact woo got a tattoo on his body of it means a lot. not to mention woo himself taking initiative to find something that represented their relationship. 

i feel like i need to reiterate that the meaning of this tattoo was to define his relationship to san specifically so it applies to san specifically. woo has many MANY friends AS WELL as bestfriends yet he got a tattoo that can only be truly applied to san and no one else. 

u can continue saying theyy’re just good friends doing fanservice, but it’s obv that woo has many good friends. so the next question u gotta answer is what separates san from the others.

[kirishimas-manly-eyeliner]

Okay feel free to ignore this if you want it’s kinda just a huge rant thing about me thinking that my brothers might be racist so uh yeah, debated on being on anon for thsi or not for like ten minutes cause there some real personal stuff here. Kinda been bottling this up for a while and for some reason you seem like a good person to tell it to.

Tw cursing btw

So I’m white, might be a little sprinkle of Cuban but honestly have no idea besides that I’m white as hecc. I have four brothers, I’m also adopted, but because when I was adopted my biological brother wasn’t adopted too because he was already a adult. But my biological brother (just gonna call him bb if I refer to him again) is not white, we have different dads. I’m very much white and he’s black? I don’t really know, never asked and didn’t really see it as something important. I love him for him, his skin color never mattered in that. But if I had to describe it he’s a lighter black, maybe Arabic or Cuban? And most of my friends throughout my whole time living where I do, most of my friends are black, or Hispanic. So, as you can assume, I have lots of sympathy for POC. I have no idea what it’s like and try to support my friend any time they are put down for their skin color. (I may or may not have punch a kid once cause he said a friend of mine was disgusting and should “go back to her sick country” cause she’s a Muslim, apparently the kids grandpa died in 9/11 so liek I guess I can see where it’s from but like, dude……)

So I have three other brother, live with two of them cause the other moved out for college. So, now to the two brother might be racist part. Prepare to be pissed off 👍 /hj . So, when all the protests started at the begging of quarantine, my family talked a bit about it cause we had nothing else to do.

and these two straight, cis, white teens had the damn arrogance to BOTH say that they were “bullied for being white” and yeah, one of them was bullied very bad as a kid, but like??????? No?????? Just, no????? You are a cisgender white straight man????????? Who is considered attractive by most of your peers?????? YOU ARE NOT BULLIED, THERE MIGHT HAVE BEEN TIME WHERE SOMEONE TRIED TO SHAKE SOME SENSE INTO YOUR ASS THAT YOU LITERALLY ARE THE MOST PRIVILEGED PEOPLE IN AMERICA SINCE THE FUCKING BEGINNING AND YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SAY THAT YOUR MADE FUN IF FOR IT??????? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?????

And MY shy ass didn’t say a damn thing because “it’s not my place to talk, I’m white as heck and have never been made fun of for being white”

And also, “racism it’s the even a big thing anymore”??????? PISSES ME OFF WHEN EVER I THINK OF IT TO NO END

Like, first of all, IF THERE ARE PROTESTS AND PEOPLE ARE BEING KILLED FOR BEING BLACK THEN I THINK RACISM IS STILL A THING !!!!!

Second, YOU ARE A MAN, A CISGENDER MAN!!!! BOTH OF YOU!!!!! MEANWHILE AT THE TIME I WAS STILL CLOSETED SO YOUR SAYING THIS SHIT IN FRONT OF YOUR “SISTER” WHO HAS SAID THAT “SHE” WAS PUT DOWN A NUMBER OF TIMES FOR BEING BIOGRAPHICALLY FEMALE BY BOYS WHO THREW ROCKS AT GIRLS IN FIRST GRADE????? WHO LITERALLY HAS A SCAR FROM A SHARP ROCK THAT WAS THROWN AT MY BACK BY SOME KID IN FIRST GRADE???????

THIRD, YOU ARE CIS GENDER!!!! Hey hey hey, buddy, imagine not being able to go outside without worrying that you’ll get killed while walking to the dollar tree because you drew a non-binary flag on your arm the other day and couldn’t rub it off!!!!! How great does that sound :D /s

Fourth, you are STRAIGHT!!!!!!! BEING THE GAY ONE IN THE FAMILY IS KINDA HARD! And then how much it hurt seeing them make jokes about slapping each other’s asses, and making fun of a kid cause he sounded gay (who literally became homophobic because of it, as a kid he was supportive of it, but now is sorta homophobic because he’s straight and has been made fun of for people thinking he’s gay), TOOK THE “pedophiles are being added to LGBT” FUCKING SERIOUSLY

LIKE, I WASN’T OUT AT THE TIME AND THEY STOPPED MAKING JOKES LIKE THAT AFTER I TOLD THEM, BUT THEY ARE SO HORRIBLE SOMETIMES I SWEAR!!!! I AHVE NO IDEA HOW YHEY GREW TO BE LIEK THIS BECAUSE MY MOM ALWAYS TELLS THEM TO FUCKING STOP BECAUSE ITS OFFENSIVE AND RUDE, AND MY DAD SHOWS THAT HE DOENST LIEK IT EITHER

so that’s my Ted talk, moral of the story, if your a straight white cisgender man stop complaining about it.

tw: racism, homophobia, transphobia

THAT SH!T PISSES ME OFF WTF

(DISCLAIMER: okay y’all, to be clear: i’m in no way bashing anyone who’s straight or cisgender. this is talking about the topic in general and how people have negative influences on others, but it’s not directly related to them being white, straight, and cis-- it’s about the way that they’re handling it and how immature those people are. please don’t be offended if you fit into any of those categories.)

okok, thanks for letting me know all of this info boo! just wanted to let you know that you’re one heck of an amazing person and i think you’re so so strong for still being here. so pls oml, GIVE YOURSELF A PAT ON THE BACK BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT! and hey, despite all you’ve been through, i can’t stress HOW thankful i am that you haven’t let it get to you. you’re not a cold-hearted and rude person and that just fills me with so much love for you because that’s just such a beautiful thing. 

BUT NOW.

THE BROTHERS.

BAE I AM SO SORRY.

now now i’m supposed to be loving and kind to everyone, but this- i- i don’t know how to sugarcoat this. 

they are white.

they are cisgender.

and they are men, straight men, at that.

AND THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SAY THAT THEY’VE BEEN BULLIED FOR BEING WHITE??

I JUST BLACKED OUT FOR A SECOND THERE

LISTEN, I KNOW THERE’S BEEN A LOT OF DISCRIMINATION LATELY. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A VERY SWEET, KIND, AMAZING WHITE GUY GAL OR NONBINARY PAL SAYING THAT THEY GOT BULLIED IN GENERAL? THAT’S OKAY, COMPLETELY OKAY.

BUT IF THEY HAVE ALREADY CROSSED THE LINE MULTIPLE TIMES AND THEN CHOSE TO THINK ABOUT THEMSELVES FOR “being white??” like honey come again, what did they say?? like did someone go to you and say, “yooooo guys, i’m white!” and use their fingers to make their eyes bigger? and yet it’s okay when you, you stupid cis white straight man make your eyes smaller and say “ch*ng ch*ng” and sing it to a bunch of asian kids?? is that what it is to you?

CHERRY I AM SO SORRY WTF THAT MUST BE TERRIBLE

and then.

i am trying so very hard not to scream rn because i can FEEL your pain through this ask.

and tHEN THEY SAY “racism isn’t a big thing anymore.”

...i’m sorry, did i hear you correctly?

racism isn’t a big thing anymore?

RACISM ISN’T A BIG THING ANYMORE???

RIGHT, RIGHT, HOW ABOUT YOU TELL THAT TO THE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WHO FOUGHT FOR BLM AND ASIAN LIVES AS THEY SCREAMED FOR JUSTICE?? HOW ABOUT YOU TELL THAT TO THE PEOPLE WHO’VE BEEN MURDERED JUST FOR BEING IN THEIR OWN SKIN?? HOW ABOUT YOU TELL THAT TO THE PEOPLE WHO’VE LOST FAMILY AND FRIENDS BECAUSE THEY WERE JUST BEING HUMAN.

AND THEN THEY DON’T RESPECT YOUR PRONOUNS??

i’m literally about to cry right now, that’s so messed up

AND I AM SO SORRY ON BEHALF OF WHAT YOU’RE GOING THROUGH, THIS MUST BE SO ROUGH RIGHT NOW AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TERRIBLE THIS MUST BE FOR WHAT YOU’RE GOING THROUGH.

BUT YOU

ARE

A 

STRONG

AMAZING

OVERLORD

AND I AM VERY VERY PROUD OF YOU

FOR FIGHTING AND CONTINUING TO BE KIND TO OTHERS

ILY VERY MUCH AND I THINK YOU’RE A NEAT PERSON, REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE VALID. YOU ARE SO VALID. ILY. 

[darby-drabbles]

PART 1 is here I went off on a tangent topic and the post was long. Anyway blah blah blah talked about this a while ago forgot to post here. OKAY! HS AU Sad Andre Times.

Everyone knows Andre’s dad, even when they don’t know him. I mean, obviously... And because of this Andre’s scared someone will out him, accidentally or otherwise. (No one ever does thankfully, but it was, kinda threatened and remains a reeal big scary fear for him for a while.) Either kids who don’t like him who know what he’s done will tell or just general rumors or gossip spreading around far enough. Or even,,,, god forbid Andre getting careless himself.

He has been caught fooling around with boys under the bleachers and around the school before, and while it hasn’t happened yet, the fear of not only having to come out but getting into big trouble on top of that is, terrifying. (and yet he keeps on tryin it, huh..)

His father’s not homophobic, but, it’s not something that they TALK about. Andre has no way of fully knowing how he’ll react and fears the worst. He will be a bit in denial/worried/confused when Andre first comes out, just, unsure how to react to his son. Emotions run very high and it was probably a pretty rough time. It’s not hate filled, but obviously not ideal either. His father would be much more upset with the promiscuity and being careless, compared to just liking boys. WHO he likes is another big problem, too, though. As the principal he knows all of the troublemakers, and Andre seems to like them all. If his dad finds out about his feelings for Lucky? HOO boy..

Andre gets real panicky about this one day when he thinksss a spiteful “ex” (? prolly just gave each other hjs once not like, a full ex bf) might spill the beans and he’s REALLy freaked out. He tries to think of a friend to talk about this problem with but, no one seems Right. They’d listen, and they’d all mean well, and it’d be easier than he thinks... But probably not the best with relating to his situation and giving advice or calming fears which is what he really wants right now. Maybe they aren’t the closest (Izzy). Maybe they aren’t out yet (Dante), maybe they are but with super nice accepting parents (Nathan), or they just, don’t know what to do about someone expressing emotions(Lucky....). Maybe uhhh, someone else would be better giving advice, did you ask them instead?

Andre has a hard enough time opening up and feeling like he’s accepted by his new found friends so talking about a big emotional FEAR is tough for him. Which makes the “oh yeah, I can listen to your problems” hard because he’s feelin vulnerable and doesn’t want judgement, he’s not sure what they’re thinking if they don’t have advice to give.. so he might not be telling the whole story or just getting frustrated trying to explain to certain people without like,,, crying.

Andre and Levi were never that close, Andre was, apprehensive. But, in the little goose-chase trying to find SOMEONe who might have good advice to calm his fears, someone, I think Dante recommends Andre talk with Levi about a similar situation. Finally get those two connected somehow! Sure enough, Levi doesn’t mind and comforts Andre and talks about his own situation a little. Andre’s stress and fear is overwhelming and he eventually just bursts, he doesn’t even mind crying in front of this popular boy he used to find intimidating, he just needs to get it out!!! They skip class for the rest of the day (#selfcare,, obvs), because Levi wants to pamper him after an emotionally draining day. Plus Andre feels like he looks gross n obviously been cryin so he’s,,, definitely open to not sticking around to head back to class. Levi takes Andre back to his house (Tatiana’s house, actually,, he’s an exchange student). They sing and goof off on the way home, or at least, Levi does and Andre halfheartedly joins in sometimes when he feels up to it. Still a LIL upset. The house has a pool, and Andre loves to swim, so OBVIOUSLY they do,, and they nap, and probably have some junk food snacks. Kiss,,,, when Andre feels ok about that. They ask Tatiana to please help convince her dad to let Andre stay the night, pleeeaaase? And then spend the night!! Enjoy ur brand new friend’s couch,, Andre…

Andre only gets into a little trouble for ditching, said he didn’t feel good. (TRUE.. I suppose) And Tatiana’s father isn’t stupid and prolly called Andre’s parents about it anyway. But it ended up alright. Hopefully whenever Andre actually comes out,, it’s better than he anticipates!

[asksansweredpdf]

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself? i feel like it was teenage rebel - chameleon circuit hahaha

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know? well, i often do tarot spreads for this. but i guess i would ask - you know. i’m not sure

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life? literally just surviving it all

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise? maybe a few work ones, or the time not long ago i was put in a group assignment for uni. we all decided to meet up after our group presentation for drinks and hang out and i had a really fun time making new friends and hanging out with people

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? oh man i would have WAY less anxiety about everything. knowing that nothing i do will matter in a year would be so freeing and liberating. i’d probably get a new job and actually get my motorbike license and go for rides 

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things? i don’t have a bucket list but i’ll try to think of 3 things i’d like to do before i die -

this has been in my drafts for days and i honestly can’t think of a thing. 

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood? nope

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person? honestly i can’t remember. oh! i think maybe 6 months ago i got high and started over thinking and got sad and started crying. my roommate walked past because i forgot i had the door open and hugged me and then left after a bit

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them. ideally, it’d be a close friend. but i dont have those. so maybe if i could go back in time and stargaze with an old friend. otherwise, my current friend hj is cool! actually, i’d love to get high and stargaze with him.

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them? i have before. but no, i wouldn’t now. i’m not like that anymore

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you? it was 4 months ago, with my old best friend’s ex-boyfriend (i think they broke up? i dont talk to either of them anymore). i used to be close to him anyway, like we were also best friends. and we used to be roommates.

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom? i’d love to look my mother in the eyes and say “i’ll never forgive you” but. it doesn’t feel right as much as i mean it. i guess i’d like to say it to both my parents. but i have to pick one person. .... i guess i would get my old best friend who i havent spoken to in 6 years and say “i’m sorry. i missed you for years. i’ll always love you” or something equally dramatic

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes? i have them and i love them. they’re so beautiful

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally. i’m picking a few because fuck the police “being human is a condition that requires a little anaesthesia” was from the bohrap movie. relatable mood. reminds me of my mother which makes me uncomfortable “fall down 7 times, stand up 8. higher, further, faster” from captain marvel. i’ve been through soooo much fucking shit in my life. and i feel like it just keeps coming (well. the shit keeps coming and it don’t stop coming and it dont stop coming and it dont stop coming and it dont stop coming) and sometimes i wonder what the point of it all is. like what’s the point of trying to be happy when i’m just going to be let down again. and so it’s encouraging to change perspective from that to, we get up higher, further, faster

“my skin has gone from porcelain, to ivory, to steel” - sansa stark  it ties in with the captain marvel one. in that shit just keeps happening. and i feel the same way. i used to be so free and naive and i’m not that person anymore. i guess it makes me feel less alone. 

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far? “

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars? buy a house for myself, buy a few investment properties so that i know i’m always secure financially. put a couple million in the bank. buy houses for my friends and family, donate the rest

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way? yes and yes. i feel like i’m really understanding, and so i forgive people when it’s understandable. but once it’s past a certain point, i’m not at all forgiving. i hold grudges too. i like being this way

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self. “hey kid. happy birthday! well, this is where things start to get really hard. you’re going to go through a lot even though you think you won’t. people are going to leave you and treat you despicably and betray you. almost everyone you love will completely screw you over. you will have no one to count on except yourself. i’m not saying this to scare you. but i want you to know that even when you feel like it’s too much to handle, you’re so much stronger than you’ll even realise. you have so much turmoil ahead of you, but i love you so much. you’ll come out the other end with anxiety and so scarred. but you’ll survive it. all of it. you’ll survive. there’s no lesson or greater purpose. i’m not going to tell you that it all happens for a reason, because it doesn’t. just trust that you have what’s in you to face anything. once day this will all feel like a bad dream and you’ll start to feel like yourself again. best of luck. ps there is no god”

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel? punk

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain. love them both. they’re hot and cool

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not? nah, i only wear make up to work. and that’s because i work in sales. part of getting people to like you is being attractive. make up makes you more attractive. when people like you, you have more influence over them and you make more sales

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way. runaway by pink. that song just. what a mood. and family portrait. i relate to both of those songs so much. even when i was going through shit, i had that song that i could sing and even though things were never okay, they made it bearable

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them. be kind to each other?

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel. 1st was a pink concert i went to when i was 15! we were super poor so this was a major deal. i waited in line for ages and my back started hurting real bad. but as soon as she got on stage everything went away. it was electrifying and she performed my favourite song. and i had eyeliner on which i cried off because she was my idol and it was amazing. her dancers were also super hot and i re-affirmed my bisexuality because i was like. wow. yes 2nd was lana & borns. my sister made me go with her to see lana del rey who i dont really give a shit about. she’s cool but im not like a major fan. borns however, i adore with every fibre of my being. borns was the opening act which was cute. i was one of the only ones in the crowd who knew him and everyone behind me was like gasping and talking about how cute he is. which also re-affirmed my sexuality. up until that point i thought that maybe i was a lesbian because i didn’t tend to find men too attractive. but borns? nope, i knew i was bi. then lana came on. it was okay. i knew a fair amount of the songs and apparently pissed everyone off by singing? i just thought that’s what you did at concerts dsjgdslkr but i had fun.

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say? i would love to get a letter from an old best friend of mine saying sorry & that we should catch up. i feel like i havent had a friendship as full of connection as the one we’ve had. it’s been years and i still dont have anyone that could possibly replace her. but i worry that if we ever did try to re-kindle things it just wouldnt work out. which would lead me to ask myself if there was ever going to be anyone else who i’ll have that connection with. but it’d be nice at least

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised? i don’t have a desk! i had one for about 3 months and it was organised. i was always too poor to afford a desk and it just wasnt a priority when i used my bed

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine? go upstairs, lay in bed, read .... words, stay up until my eyes are closing for me. sleep

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know? my parents opinion literally means nothing to me. i wouldn’t care what they do/don’t know. i guess id prefer if they didnt know about the drugs because my mum did them a lot and it led to her being abusive. so they’d be suuuper judgy and probably take them off me and shit. but once im moved out, i dont really care. they wont be able to do much about it

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why? i’d love to have a shaved thing. my hair’s already short. but my dad’s homophobic and doesnt want me to get it short. i dont give enough of a shit about it to argue with him so i leave it. but if i could, having a cool shaved thing would be nice

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do? i dont think i even have 5 friends, and if i do, we certainly don’t have fun together. i’d just go by myself. i’m lots of fun to be around when it’s just me

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them. i wish for a job that has stable income, consistent hours, a kind staff, and is something that i’m not constantly fucking up. - i wish for this because i feel like getting up every day to do something that doesn’t give me panic attacks (that i might even be able to enjoy) is such a dream. and if it gives a stable amount of money and hours, i’d be able to plan things and have a life instead of worrying about them calling me at literally any given moment and asking me to work. which means i’d either have to work or stammer out an excuse on the spot & have the managers be mad at me i wish for a living space that i can afford & is either by myself or with people who aren’t terrible. or with people who can’t fuck me over if they get mad at me. this would step 2 of being happy for me. having a job that doesn’t make me anxious = job that could make me happy. living space that is secure and mine and that no one can take away = reduction of anxiety and security = potentially being happy.  i guess i’d use the 3rd wish on having a car or motorbike. being able to get around without relying on anyone or public transport would be nice. i can go to places whenever it suits me and i’d be independent. i can just decide to go to an art gallery without it having to be a major planning thing or something that would take 2 hours to get to and from. it’d be very liberating 

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up. omg! last halloween. i borrowed an old friend’s witch costume. it was this cute corseted dress with a mini skirt & suspenders that attach to stockings. i bought a matching wand and witches hat. i looked super cute

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high? i havent done terrible things under the influence hey. i mostly just have fun and keep to myself.

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars? i dunno man. one million dollars is a lot of money. surely any of my usual morals would fly out the window. murder would become questionable. like it’s $1 million. i guess maybe not murder because if i went to jail then i wouldnt be able to spend the $1m. mass murder of like children and innocent people i probably wouldnt do. even if i got away with it

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why? 1 song would be maybe americans - janelle monae. it’s a tune and you can listen to it for any mood really 1 person? i’ve purposefully gotten rid of any person i would want to only see for the rest of my life. not in a murder way, i just cut ties with them

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love. many a time. it’s a really nice thing! not just romantically. but for me, i just suddenly can’t stop thinking about them. like every spare second i have i’m wondering what they’re doing, thinking about our inside jokes, planning what i’ll say next, wondering what to wear to impress them next, planning how i’m going to work this funny story i want to tell them, etc. and i won’t be able to stop smiling whenever they’re around. the worst giveaway for me is when i can feel myself excessively talking to other people about them. and i can’t stop.  it gives me something to think about that makes me happy. something that makes me happy to distract from usually the shitter things.

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair? i am a girl and i have really really short hair. i rock it. i also rock black nail polish

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone? i hate coffee. so i usually order a white hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows. i’d trust anyone to order it for me. as long as they didn’t screw up and get me the white chocolate mocha, which has happened a few times 

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now? alcohol. music! probbaly music before alcohol. i love music. cigarettes. and my phone