#now i understand what my mom went through for 21 years
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NNN day 21 | Uninvited Judgements
summary: you were invited to a party by one of your friends, of course you brought Matt, your boyfriend along despite him being slightly younger, everything was going by smoothly and everyone was having great fun until you went out to the bathroom and when you came back you saw your drunken friends surrounding Matt, not suggesting anything good by their loud laughter…
warnings: ANGST, heavy language, arguing, party setting, drunk guests, bullying, age discrimination, age gap, all of the drinking characters are of age please drink responsibly and be aware of the possible consequences! & possibly more
authors note: nnn is soon coming to an end and the Christmas season will start which means… more Christmas fics! (And more smut) I am already feeling the spirit and love this season so much, also sorry for not posting this fic when I was supposed to but something personal happened and I couldn’t finish it that day and I hope y’all understand , but anyway luv y’all sm and hope y’all enjoy this one
The music bounced through the walls of the small apartment, a vibrant background to the laughter and conversation that filled the air. Matt adjusted the collar of his shirt, visibly feeling a little self-conscious under his excitement. He was still getting used to being around my friends, most of them were several years older than him. We had been dating for a few months now and while I loved spending time with him, he couldn’t shake the feeling he was still trying to prove himself.
I took his hand and squeezing it gently. “I’ll just be gone a minute,” I said, leaning in to kiss him softly. “Just need to use the bathroom. You okay to hang out here?” “Yeah, I’m good,” he replied, forcing a smile. “I’ll grab a soda or something.” As I slipped away into the crowded bathroom, Matt leaned against the counter and glanced around. Most of the partygoers were off in groups, cups in hand and laughter mixing with the music. He was about to reach for a drink when he noticed a couple of my friends gathering near him, their faces flushed and attitude high from the alcohol they have consumed.
“Look who it is!” one of my friends Mary slurred, her eyes shining with mischief. “Little Matt. What’s he doing here all by himself? Waiting for his mom to pick him up?” Matt felt heat rush to his cheeks, an uncomfortable mix of embarrassment and irritation. “I’m fine,” he muttered, trying to brush off the comments but the lack of a reaction from him it only encouraged the others. “Oh come on!” another friend chimed in with her laughter ringing loud. “You’re dating a woman who could practically be your aunt! What is she like, 25?” The group burst into drunk giggles, clearly enjoying the show of the younger guy, considering him as an easy target.
Matt clenched his fists at his sides, feeling a swirl of emotions and his gut twisted in upset. The teasing only got worse, the insults sharper, the references to our age gap digging deeper until he just couldn’t stand it anymore. “I’m not a kid for gods sake,” he shot back but his voice barely cut through the intense crowd. Their laughter only grew louder, cutting off his words. When I finally returned with a bright smile lighting my face while Matt was the opposite, livid and his skin prickling with anger. I noticed the tension immediately as I maneuvered through the crowd toward him.
“Everything okay?” I asked concerned looking from him to my drunken friends who had just finished their turn of jokes. “They think it’s hilarious that I’m younger,” he said, unable to keep the annoyance from his voice. “Why do you even hang out with people who think it’s okay to make fun of someone like that?” I looked caught off guard while blinking rapidly. “I don’t think they meant anything by it, Matt. They were drunk and you know how that goes. They joke around, they don’t always know where to draw the line.” “A line?” he snapped and frustration spilling out of his expression. “It feels fucking disrespectful to make jokes about someone’s age! Like I’m some boy toy you’re just playing around with. Do you think I like being the center of their jokes?”
“Matt, just chill out for a second,” I ushed, raising your hands for him to calm down. “You know they didn’t mean for it to hurt you. It’s just banter! They were drunk—” “No, it’s not just banter!” he raised his voice louder than he intended. “It’s condescending and you’re just brushing it off like it doesn’t matter!” I felt my heart racing, a mixture of anger and hurt beginning to swirl in my veins “You’re making a huge deal out of this. They’re not bad people, they were having a good time! You can’t just get upset over everything people say when they’re drinking!” “It’s not ‘everything’! It’s just this! Ugh!” he exclaims, frustration lacing every syllable that left past his mouth. “Sometimes I feel like you don’t even see how it affects me. You just make excuses for them.” With that, one of my friends—a guy named Jake who had been listening nearby—snorted. “Who knew Matt had such thin skin? Can’t handle a little fun?”
Matt’s gaze flicked toward Jake, becoming stiff in his stance. “And you’re an ass.” “That’s rich, coming from someone who’s basically a kid,” Jake retorted and shaking his head. “Matt, just ignore him,” I pleaded but he was too far gone now. “No, fuck this…” he muttered, stepping away from the group who had been laughing at his expense. He turned to me with his eyes blazing. “I’m not playing this game. I’m not gonna sit here and take your friends’ bullshit. I’m done.” Before I could get a single word out past my lips, Matt turned on his heel and moved toward the exit, the door slamming behind him. The sound echoed in the now silent apartment as everyone exchanged glances, the party suddenly feeling much less exciting.
I tried to process what had just happened, a storm of emotions swirling inside of me. My friends still buzzing from the drinks, didn’t have the capacity to understand. They were just drunk and careless. But Matt? His feelings were painfully real and visible for anyone and my heart sank knowing I would have to find him and somehow make sense of this mess my drunk friends have put me in now.
@hearts4werka |
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#i always put inna lot of work to my relationships#especially friends#this specific friend breakup is so hard for me because i went so far to make space for her#i collected a bunch of items to keep in my goude specifically for her use when she comes to visit#her own chargers and cups and dishes and clothes and towels etc#it doesnt sound like a lot but it was very difficult to do with my schedule and lack of money#and when she stayed with me for a week i cooked for us every morning and cleaned the house every time she showered#so that she could feel comfortable#i did everything for both of us while she sat on my couch#now i understand what my mom went through for 21 years#+ my sisters years#its so much love#and i dont frel appreciated#and now she ghosted me#and she has no intention of reaching out to me or even opening my message including my apology#which i can understand#i dont even know how much she is hurting bc she hasnt told me shit for 3 months#if shes hurting a lot it makes sense why she wouldnt want anything to do with me#but there is a level of personal responsibility that she is nkt taking here#she had no intention of telling me about the issue at all#thats on her#u need to tell me when u have an issue with me especially when we have been super close for TWO YEARS and i helped u leave ur abusive boss#we would have 2h calls every night after her shifts talking about all the shot he was doing and i would.help her with the legal aspect#and also provide emotional support#its weird that i never got a thank you#but i didnt even notice it until now so maybe im just being greedy#idk anymore#maybe she did thank me and i never remembered it#bc my memory isntrash with this stupid mental illness#id love to never wake up
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Scriptures for Going No Contact with Your Parents
Have a toxic relationship with your parents that is unsafe and unfixable?
Do you get violently sideswiped by I Am a Child of God or Families Can Be Together Forever, too?
I got you, fam!
My parents haven't really been parents to me since I was 12 years old. I was No Contact with my dad once he went to jail and we never reconciled before he died. I'm currently No Contact with my mom because she is a profoundly unsafe person, who now lives in a constant state of delusion and paranoia from all the drugs she has done in her life. Her refusal to get help and how badly she has treated me during her mental health crises throughout my life has destroyed our relationship. I made very deliberate choices as an adult to keep her at a safe distance from me, even before I finally went no contact.
God doesn't give everyone who has ever lived a loving and functional family. It doesn't mean he loves you less. It doesn't mean you don't matter, or you don't deserve better.
If you need some scriptures to remind yourself of that, hold onto these:
Psalm 27:10
Matthew 10:36, 12:46-50, John 7:5
Ephesians 6:4. This one is especially important if you have trauma surrounding "Honor thy Father and Mother." The mandate to follow this commandment (especially in a deferential traditional sense) is conditional on verse 4, a fact that some people like to conveniently ignore.
1 Nephi 21:15-16
You're allowed to be disappointed in your parents. God is not going to be upset with you for that. He's certainly not going to punish you for it, and being in conflict with your family is not in and of itself a divine punishment.
Take care of yourself. Know you're not alone in what you're going through. There are others at Church going through the same or similar things, even if you can't see it. And Jesus knows exactly how you feel, even in this. His family also didn't always understand or support him in who God made him to be. He existed in a state of conflict with his brothers for a season, a fact the scriptures acknowledge openly.
Why is this happening to you? Because it can happen to anyone. None of us are promised a perfect family that always gets along. Sometimes it'll have nothing to do with you and everything to do with the choices other people make to choose conflict over love, coercion over connection. That's not your fault.
Found family happens in the Church. If you need some found family, your congregation is a great place to invest in some. Tumblrstake can be a great place for it, too.
The healing that is needed for the recovery of some relationships won't come until heaven. If you're waiting for that day, you're in good company. Keep your chin up and be strong! We'll get through this together❤️
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Undiagnosed // Ch. 21
Mature Content 18+
Jake Seresin x Neurodivergent OC
Summary: Katie Blair grew up trying to be the perfect daughter. She always struggled to be the prim and proper little girl her parents wanted. Big personality as a kid, but now at 25, she's the shy admiral's daughter who just keeps her head down and tries to get through law school. So what happens when she's had enough and with help from a certain Lieutenant, she gets out.
Warnings: Emotional abuse, trauma response, abusive parents, smut, mentions of thoughts of suicide.
Word Count: 3.6k
Chapter 20 | Masterlist
“Who do you think you are-” “Shut up!” I yelled as I turned to face her. She closed the door a shocked look on her face. “How fucking dare you.” I said as I pointed at her. “How dare I?” I nodded. “Yeah. As I grew up I realized what a shitty mother you were but I never expected this kind of low from you!” She was reeling. “Shitty mother? You should be grateful to us! We raised you with only the best-” “AND I WAS MISERABLE!” I screamed. “You raised me with so much fucking trauma! You want to know why I was so ‘emotional’? Maybe you should read these!” I tossed the papers at her, the paper clip keeping them together. She grabbed them and within a second her face fell. “How did you get these?” She asked. “My doctor gave them to me when I went to see her today. Asked me of I was taking anything for my ADHD and depression.” I’m sure my face was tinged red, showing how angry I am and I hope she understands the severity of this. “You didn’t tell me.” I seethed. “You didn’t tell me when you knew of ways to help me.” I said as I stepped closer. “Instead you let me suffer and struggle and be made fun of and called the weird kid my entire childhood.” I was in her face by the time I finished. “You let me suffer and consider suicide at fucking thirteen years old when I could’ve been in therapy and on medications to make me function better!” “They only gave us this diagnosis to shove pills down your throat! You don’t have any of this! You were and are just a bad misbehaved child! You needed what our parents gave and that was a good ass whooping! I messed up with you because I was too soft on you.” She stepped past me and I was shocked.
“Too soft on me?! Smacking me in the face was too soft? Daddy beating the hell out of me with a belt was too soft?! You’re sick in the head!” I said and she scoffed. “I did what I had to do-” “No, you did what you thought was easy! Because you couldn’t buck up and be a decent person or a good mother! Because having patience for your child was too hard!” “WE COULDN’T HANDLE YOU!” She screamed in response. “YOU WERE THE WORST BEHAVED CHILD I HAD EVER MET!” It shouldn’t have but it stung. “We couldn’t handle you! I couldn’t stand to be in the same room with you! Especially when you were a baby! You would just cry and cry and I almost just stopped taking care of you all together but I knew if you died your father and I would be in prison!” My chest heaved at her words. It hit me hard how little she truly cared. I walked over and snatched the papers as a coughing fit hit me. “Maybe I’ll get lucky and you’ll drop dead. It’s the least you deserve after all these years of torture and abuse.” She laughed loudly at my words. “I’ll be here good and long after you’re dead. If I’m lucky I’ll watch them lower your casket.” I stopped in my tracks at her words. “No, you won’t. Because now I have a happy life and I’m away from the misery you’ve inflicted on me!” I said as I turned away from her and headed for the door. “Oh by the way, I was at the doctors for a flu diagnosis. Hopefully one of your lungs will collapse and you’ll suffer on the floor.” Her face dropped. My mom rarely got sick but she’s in her sixties so she’s more susceptible. “You little bitch!” She rushed forward and raised her hand but my fingers wrapped around her wrist, effectively stopping her. My free hand came back before my own palm connected with her face and she stumbled back.
My chest heaved as I looked at her down on the floor, holding her face as she breathed heavily. “It hurts doesn’t it?” I asked and she moved her hand, revealing a red mark. “All the times you and daddy hit me, it didn’t just hurt physically. I sat there and I wondered what I could’ve done to deserve it, what made you hate me. But now I know all I had to do was be born. Don’t worry, you’ll never see or hear from me again. You can start pretending I never existed.” With that I walked out the front door, slamming it on my way out. I got in the truck and immediately left. I picked up my medicine before going home. As soon as I was home I grabbed all my stuff and went inside. When I got the door closed and latched everything hit me at once. I leaned against the door as the sobs hit and sunk down till my knees were against my chest. I almost feel like it would be better if I did something to make them hate me, but simply my mere existence made my mother want to go as far as kill me. Having my mother confirm they never loved me hit hard and I feel like my heart is being split apart. Eventually I got up and took a shower, knowing it may make me feel a little better. Once I was out I dried off, took my medicine and crawled into the spare bed in the guest room. I wanted to do my best to keep Jake from getting sick and that meant sleeping in here for a while. My mind raced with all the thoughts and memories of my parents, how I never truly did anything, they just hated me. Tears ran down my face, soaking my neck and pillow as I cried myself to sleep.
Fingers ran through my hair and roused me from my sleep. “Hey, darlin’. Why you in here?” Jake whispered, leaning down to kiss my temple. “I didn’t wanna get you sick.” I mumbled. “I appreciate that. What did the doctor say?” Everything came rushing back and tears came to my eyes. I sat straight up, keeping the covers against my chest as I looked away from him. “I-I do have the flu.” I said as I rubbed my eyes. He hummed and kissed my bare shoulder. “I’ll make some soup for dinner.” I shook my head. “You don’t have to. I’m not hungry.” He raised a brow at me. “Are you sure?” I nodded, giving him a small smile. “I’m sure.” He sighed and kissed my head again. “Okay, you’ll holler if you need me right?” I nodded as I laid back down and he stood. “I love you, Jake.” I whispered as he walked towards the door. “I love you too, Katie.” He closed the door behind him and my tears came back. I leaned over to my purse in the chair next to the bed and pulled out my diagnosis papers. I read over them the words depression, attention deficit hyperactive disorder, and autism glared at me from the white paper. If Jake saw this would he change his mind? Would he no longer love me? The thought terrified me. I couldn’t lose him. He’s a big part of me figuring out who I am without my parents, I’m not sure I could turn around and figure out who I am without him. “I won’t tell him. He can’t know.” I said as I stuffed the papers back in my purse, laying down again. “I can’t tell him. “ I muttered, fingers gripping my pillow tightly.
Two days later I still felt like shit and I haven’t eaten. “Katie darlin’, you have to eat. You’re starving yourself right now.” Jake muttered as he came into the guest room. “Jake, I’m just not hungry.” I was sitting up in bed doing some school work and this was the third time today he’s asked me to eat. I’ve been drinking a bunch of water but I had no appetite. “You’re not going to get any better just sitting there and not eating. You’re only gonna get weaker and it’ll take you longer to get over this.” I huffed, closing my eyes. “Jake. I am not hungry. Now please, stop pestering me about it.” I said. “Katie, you have to eat.” I slammed the lid of my laptop closed. “Jake! I am not hungry! Now for the love of God JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!” I yelled and he stepped back in surprise. I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Jake, I'm sorry. I just don’t feel good and I just want to be left alone.” I set my laptop on the table and laid back down, my back to him and the door. He sighed before leaving and closing the door and more tears streamed down my face. Another day passed by, it was almost time for Jake to come home from work and I was in the kitchen finally trying to make myself something to eat.
I had decided to just do some noodles with a little chicken and tomato sauce. The chicken was already cooked so I just tossed it into the pan with the sauce. I leaned against the counter reading as I waited and when the timer went off for the noodles I heard the front door open. I grabbed the pot and walked it to the sink to drain them but as I went to tilt it I lost my grip and the pot went into the floor spilling noodles and boiling water everywhere. “Katie?” Jake sounded concerned and came into the kitchen. I just stared at my food on the ground and everything within me broke. “Dammit!” I screamed, grabbing the pot and slamming it down onto the counter. “I can’t even just make fucking pasta!” I felt like all of my emotions were just gonna explode out of me. “What dumbass can’t make pasta?!” My hands went into my hair as tears burst from my eyes. I felt like I was having a complete breakdown. “Katie, darlin’. Your feet!” My feet had been covered in boiling water but I honestly couldn’t bring myself to care. Jake rushed over, lifting me till I was sat on the counter. “Oh, Katie, your feet.” They were an ugly shade of red and I could feel them throbbing. Jake cut the sink on and turned me till he could stick my feet under the cool water. “Stay there while I clean this up.” I just stared at my feet in the sink. Jake cleaned up my mess and took my chicken off the stove before turning to me. He cut the water off and grabbed a paper towel to dry my feet. “I’m sorry.”
He looked at me with raised brows. “Why are you sorry?” He asked as I started to cry. “You just got home and I made a mess and I just let you clean it up. I should’ve stopped you and done it myself. God I’m such an awful person! I can’t even cook for myself without making a huge ass mess and I’ve been so mean to you when all you’ve tried to do is help me and-” I was startled when his large hands gently grabbed my face. “Hey, hey. Where is all this coming from?” He asked as he stared into my eyes and I started sobbing. I was sobbing hard and he just pulled me into him and held me. I clutched to him like a child as my tears soaked his clothes. His hand rubbed my back and he whispered soothing words to me as he held me. “I’m sorry!” I cried into his shoulder. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” He held me for a few more minutes until I calmed down and I sat up and looked him in the eyes. “I went and saw my mother a few days ago.” His eyes widened and his face turned red. “Katie, why would you do that?” He didn’t sound mad, but he looked it. “I-I had to confront her. I couldn’t go the rest of my life without talking to her.” I spit out, hoping to ease his anger but I realized I had brought up a whole other situation with it. “Confront her about what?” He asked, confusion all over his face. I bit my lip, not knowing how to tell him. “Katie, what is going on? Is this part of why you’ve been acting weird the last few days?” He asked as his hands slid from my face to my neck.
I slid off the counter and walked away, up to my room and he followed close behind. “Katie.” He asked as he stopped in the doorway. I had the paper in my hands and I stared at it. “When I went to the doctor I discovered a few things about myself. Things my parents never told me. N-no matter how you feel about this I’ll respect it. If you want to break up we can, if you want me to leave I will-” “Darlin’.” He walked over and grabbed my hand, pulling me to sit on the bed next to him. “You need to talk to me, Katie.” I sighed, holding the paper out to him. I buried my face in my hands as he read it. I’m not sure how long we sat in silence for but when I sat up his arms were hanging down between his legs as he stared straight ahead. “Jake?” I asked. “I can’t believe this.” He muttered, looking down at the paper again. “Jake, I’m sorry-” “You’re sorry?!” He jumped up and I got scared, he stood over me and I could swear smoke was coming out of his ears. “How can you be sorry when you have nothing to be sorry for?!” He asked and I was confused. “Your parents, the two people who were supposed to love you and take care of you kept something this big from you? Your entire life?” He asked, staring at the paper again. “Yeah.” I muttered, looking down at my hands, not wanting to meet his gaze but I yelped when I was grabbed and he pulled me into him. He squeezed me and I stood still for a second before hugging him back.
“Katie, I swear to you, your parents will never be able to hurt you again.” I pulled away, meeting his gaze. “Yo-you don’t think I’m weird or want to break up?” I asked and he set the papers down before pulling me into him again, one arm around my waist, the other cradling my face. “Katie, I fell in love with you. Everything about you. Every little quirk in your personality, all of it. Katie, all of this is what makes you you and I fell in love with every bit of it. Now there’s just a name for all of it.” Tears soaked my cheeks as I bit my lip. “I love you, too.” I said before squeezing him to me. He held me as I cried, rubbing my back. “Is this what you confronted your mom about?” I nodded, wiping my eyes. “I was so angry when I found out I barged my way into her house and yelled at her.” He cracked a small smile. “And I hit her.” I confessed and his face fell. “I’m going to assume she hit you first?” I tilted my head side to side. “She attempted but I stopped her and then hit her.” My face burned with a blush. “Well it was self defense.” I hummed as my eyes locked on the door behind him. “I asked her if it hurt. I hope it did. I want them both to hurt like I have my entire life.” Jake’s face fell and he tilted my chin so I was looking at him. “They’ll get what they deserve Katie, but it’s also not good to wish harm on people.” I knew he was right, it would only tank my mental health. “You’re right.” I muttered and he held the back of my neck, pulling me towards him till his lips pressed against my forehead. “Why don’t you go put some burn cream on your feet, crawl in bed with some socks, and I’ll make your food and bring it to you.” I shook my head. “My feet don’t hurt, and I can make my food. You just got home from work-” He stopped me, shaking his head. “I just got home from work and I want to make you food. You’re exhausted from being sick and constantly thinking about what’s on these papers.” He said as he shook said papers. “I want you to relax and finally get some rest.” I sighed, giving in. “Okay.” I said and he smiled. “And you need to go get in our bed, I haven’t been sleeping right with you in here.” I pursed my lips. “Jake, I’m still sick.” I said and he shrugged. “If I haven’t gotten it yet, I won’t now.” I sighed again and nodded. “Okay. Where’s the burn cream?” I asked and he grinned. “Under the cabinet, in the first aid kit.” I nodded, trudging out.
I did as he asked and put the cream on my feet and slid some fuzzy socks over them before crawling in bed. I curled up facing Jake’s side, his smell wafting into my nose and I quickly drifted off. “Darlin’.” I immediately woke up, looking up at him as he held a tray. “Sorry, it was so easy to fall asleep.” I said as I sat up. He set the tray next to me and chuckled. “You’re exhausted. I reheated some of that tomato soup you had in the freezer, and made you a grilled cheese.” He said before kissing my temple. “Mm, thank you.” I muttered. I set the tray in my lap as he stood from kneeling on his side of the bed. “I’ll be back, gonna get you something to drink.” I just hummed as I started eating. It was good and I could already tell I was starting to feel better. After a minute Jake came back in with ginger ale and a second tray. “Here.” He sat the drink on my tray and sat next to me before kicking off his shoes. I watched as he wandered around the room, grabbing a pair of sweatpants and kicking off his jeans and longhorn shirt before slipping the sweatpatns on and crawling in bed with me. “Thank you for this, Jake.” I said as I leaned back against the pillows. “You’re welcome, darlin’.” He grabbed my hand, kissing it gently before letting go and grabbing the remote. “Okay, let’s see what movie we can find.”
The following week I was much better and went back to school although I was shaking on Tuesday for clinicals. “Hey, glad to see your feeling better.” I was startled by Crystal’s voice as I walked into the break room. “Oh, yeah. The flu really kicked my butt.” I pulled out the breakfast sanwich Jake made for me before he went to work and sat across from her. “Last time I had it I didn’t think I was gonna make it out alive.” She said and chuckled. “Thankfully mine wasn’t that bad.” I told her. “Well let me know when you’re done and we can get started.” I furrowed my brows in confusion. “Get started?” She nodded. “Yeah, you’re with me. I was the only one who didn’t get one of you so you’re with me.” She smiled at me and I felt so relieved. “Oh, thank god. I was scared I was going to be paired up with someone mean.” I laughed. I had heard from Starla that the nurse she was paired up with was awful towards her and she left here crying on the second day of clinicals. Crystal chuckled and shook her head. “No, just me. Meet me out at the nurse’s station once your done.” I nodded and continued eating. Soon others filed in including Annie. “I’m so glad you’re back. Brooke and I are studying at her apartment tonight, we wnated to know if you wanted to join?” I nodded. “Let me see how I feel after today and I’ll let you know before we leave.” She gave me a thumbs up before walking out.
Once I was done I cleaned up and walked out towards the nurse’s station. Most of the rooms were dark and empty as I walked by and rounded the corner to see Crystal in front of a computer. “Okay, have a seat.” She said as she rolled a chair over. “Kim is going to review all of our patients with us.” I nodded and sat down with my notepad and pen. Once we got everything I blinked rapidly. “You okay?” Kim asked and I nodded. “Yeah, it’s just a lot to take in and I already feel like I’ve missed so much.” Kim and Crystal both nodded. “Well better get used to it sweetheart. It’s all fast paced around here.” I nodded and she smiled before standing. “I’m getting out of here. I have the next three days off and I’m only going to use them to sleep.” Crystal and I both said our goodbye’s before she stood. “So, you wanna go check some vitals with me?” I nodded rapidly, excited to get started.
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#undiagnosed#top gun maverick#jake hangman seresin#hangman#adhd#jake seresin fic#jake seresin fanfiction#jake seresin#jake seresin top gun#top gun hangman#jake Seresin x adhd OC
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Summary: Getting married is not something you want to do right now but sucking off the son of your mom's boss is
Warnings: sexual content, oral sex (m receiving), face-fucking, semi public, 2 seconds of jealous Stefan, oral sex (f receiving), protected sex, dirty talk, language (y'all know I like to curse), y/n is a riding pro, slight choking, explicit kinda
Authors note: this story was low-key an excuse for me to practice my blowjob writing skills lmao so the sex and the ending wasn't really thought out much nonetheless I hope you like it. p.s there's more plot than I thought oop-
Every time you flew down to Mystic falls to visit your parents, your mom always ended up talking about how disappointed she was about you being 24 and single. This time was no different. You sat at the round glass table with your mom and your dad, eating a casserole that your mom made a few hours prior to your visit. It hasn't even been 10 seconds into eating before your mom cleared her throat to speak, you mentally prepared yourself for what was to come
"Y/n" she began "you're twenty four. You need to settle down and start a family"
You inwardly groaned and rolled your eyes. This is a conversation that you were never able to avoid, not when you were 21, not when you were 22, not when you were 23 and not now. What your parents don't understand is that you are a very busy woman. It's not that you don't want a boyfriend, you'd love to have someone to come home to and talk about your day with but you just don't have time for one right now. Not only were you a young and attractive woman who just wanted to have her fair share of fun before she couldn't anymore but you also had a serious job that requires a lot of your attention
Your mom got married to your dad when she was 22 and then went on to have you at 24. She wants you to follow in her footsteps and start a family early so by the time you're older you don't have to worry about raising children. The thing is though is that your grandparents were millionaires, they coddled and spoiled your mom endlessly, to the point where she didn't need a job or to do anything for that matter so she decided start a family. Although your mom inherited her parents riches when they passed away, you refused to be spoiled rotten. You wanted to work hard for what you have and you did. You love and respect your mother but you refuse to sit around all day in a house too big, being a stay at home mom who does nothing but cook and clean
"Please don't start. I came here to see you and dad, can we not focus on my love life today" you said as you pushed your food around the plate with a fork, avoiding eye contact
Your mom placed her fork on her plate and sighed. "Honey I just want the best for you. I want you to start a family like me. What about that adorable Matt" she replied
"Mom no" you scoffed "wh- why would you even suggest that?"
Matt was a childhood friend of yours from middle school. You still hang out with him probably once or twice a year but you guys drifted apart a long time ago, there were no hard feelings, it's natural. Your mom loves Matt though, every time you see her she says "you and that Matt kid would make a great couple" or "he'll be your husband one day I'm telling you" but she hasn't even seen him since you guys were 18
The sound of your chair scraping the floor filled the room as you pushed back in your seat to get up. "I haven't talked to Matt in a while" you sighed and grabbed the plates before walking through the door that connected the dining room to the kitchen so you could wash your dish "and please stop telling your friends that I'm looking for a husband. If Mrs. Lockwood calls me one more time, I'm pulling my hair out" you said loud enough for her to hear
You began scrubbing the dishes as your mom walked in and leaned on the counter next to you, her brown bangs fanning messily over her forehead. "Okay I'm sorry honey. I just want you to find a ni-"
"nice guy and settle down" you finished for her "I know and I will. Just not now. There's so much I want to do for myself before I have to share my life with anyone else" you turned the faucet off and shook your hands before drying them on the kitchen towel
She sighed but prodded no more, just tapping the counter "okay honey, we have guests later today" she said before heading to the living room. Your dad leaned against the door frame and you knew he was going to say something, having heard that whole conversation. He shook his head before walking over to you and placing his dish in the sink. "She's just looking out for you in the only way she knows how" he kissed the top of your head "I'll talk to her about it okay?"
You nodded as he turned around and walked out of the kitchen. You released a heavy sigh and grabbed your phone off of the counter before leaving through the backdoor to get some fresh air. You had many messages from your friends, they must be worried since you haven't talked to them since you landed which means it has been two days now
[Caroline]
Y/n, are you okay?
I said text me when you get there remember??
Bonnie is gonna spam call the group chat if you don't answer
[Bonnie]
Hey! Just checking in
I stg you better not be dead
I'm calling
[2 missed calls from Bonnie]
[4 missed calls from 'the girls who care']
You chuckled to yourself upon seeing those messages. You decided to three-way call the group chat so you didn't have to go back and forth texting both of your friends. You sat down on the rocking chair as your phone rang
"You bitch" was the first thing you heard once the ringing stopped. Caroline picked up first then Bonnie, they were both scolding you at the same time and you just sat back on the chair and sighed since you couldn't get a word in yet
"Do you understand how worried we were?!" Caroline shouted into her mic
"Seriously, we were about to pack and fly down there" Bonnie added on a bit calmer but you could tell she was just as upset
You waited for them to get silent before you responded "I'm sorry guys. I didn't think things were going to be hectic as soon as I arrived"
They sighed because they knew exactly what you were talking about. The first and last time you ever invited your friends down to visit, your mom embarrassed you endlessly. Not the cute embarrassment when she talks about your baby pictures and coo over your squishy cheeks. No, the embarrassment that comes with getting yelled at in front of your friends for not wanting to get married at 22, the embarrassment of your mom practically telling your friends that they might as well kill themselves if they don't start a family early
"You need to put your foot down y/n" Caroline said with a huff "just cuss her out or something"
"She's my mother Care, I can't cuss my mother out"
"Sure you can" you could picture her rolling her eyes at you "all because she's your mom doesn't mean you have to take the constant disrespect"
Caroline was the one you don't go to for advice and the times you do, you don't really listen to her much. This time, maybe she was right, maybe you do need to put your foot down but if you were going to do it, it wouldn't be today. You waited for Bonnie to say something, anything. She's the calm one, the one that talks some sense into them when things were going wrong and you needed some sense right now
Bonnie sighed exasperated "Y/n, don't cuss your mom out. Caroline, stop suggesting stupid shit like that" you nodded as if she could see you "just sit her down and talk to her about it, your dad is on your side so both of you could team up and make her see that you can make your own decisions about your life and you don't need to be hassled for it"
You face palmed yourself "I've done that already Bonnie. I can't- I can't talk anymore, I've done enough talking with her"
That's when Caroline decided to speak again "well..." she started. You and Bonnie were prepared for her to say something absolutely useless but she said something that actually kind of peaked your interest. "Why don't you just tell her you already have a boyfriend? To get her off of your back at least for the rest of your visit" she said nonchalantly
"Wait- say that again" you demanded, getting up from the swing and pacing the back porch
"Uh, just tell her you have a boyfriend already?" She said it like it was a question "I mean it might be stupid but it could work. Your mom just wants you to settle down, tell her that you will and she'll be excited enough to leave you alone"
"Care you're a fucking genius!" you shouted, you kept your phone stable by using your shoulder as you pumped your fists in victory as if you had the idea yourself. "Gosh I love you guys so much. I'll have to talk to you later okay?"
This plan was absolutely fucking genius. Caroline can be on the dumber side sometimes and her ideas were over the top but there are times where she has those moments that made you want to grab her face and kiss her silly and now was one of those amazing moments.
"Wait" Bonnie tried "Y/n think it through first you can't just-"
You hung up. Of course Bonnie was going to have protests and you'll call her to talk about her opinions later but for now you have a plan and you want to get everything in your head situated first. You texted the chat saying sorry for hanging up so abruptly then you put your phone in the back pocket of your jeans before flinging the back door open
Nobody was in the living room so you threw yourself on the couch and turned on the TV just for some background noise while you sat deep in thought. Deep in the back of your mind you knew this plan would never work but if it did end up working out the way you hoped, you'd have a relaxing rest of your visit. Now you're certain that she'll ask a shit ton of questions, things like "what's his name?" And "when did you meet?" Or "why didn't you tell me this sooner?" So you came up with an answer for all of those questions. Once you came up with your fake backstory and a name to go with it, you decided to go up to your room and take a nap
You knew that you should probably get started on dinner but you were burnt out from the day and the constant nagging you had to put up with. The stairs creaked as you walked up two steps at a time. Your bedroom was still decorated the same from when you were 17 years old. Tacked onto the pale blue walls were multiple BTS posters, a light brown, wooden desk was pushed into the corner closest to the window and right in the middle of the spacey room sat a queen sized bed with pale blue sheets to match the walls and a heavy black comforter because your parents loved to keep the house cold
With a heavy sigh, you closed the door and went to the bathroom that was connected to your room. After washing up and cleaning your face you threw yourself onto the soft bed and curled under the comforter. Later you'll think things through more but right now you need to get some serious shut eye
"Y/n!" You heard a muffled voice shout out. It was your mom standing at the bottom of the stairs calling for dinner. She had a phrase for waking you up when you were a kid "two shouts before I come in and throw ice water on you". You realized that was her second shout once you heard the stairs creak with every step she took to come up
You rolled out of bed, your butt thumping the ground pretty hard. "Shit" you grimaced and lifted yourself to rub your right ass cheek before you heard your doorknob turn. Your mom flung the door open and stood in the doorway with a big blue cup in her hand, no doubt full of the coldest water she could find. "Hi mom, I'm up" you said groggily as she eyed you like you were crazy. You were sitting on the floor half asleep with one eye open, just your bra and panties on, rubbing your bruising ass cheek while your blanket was tangled around your legs, you could be seen as crazy. She opened her mouth to speak but shut it right away, just nodding and shutting the door quickly with a thud
Okay, so not the best way to say hello to your mother but if she knew how to knock she wouldn't have caught you in such a compromising position. You placed one elbow on your bed and another on your bedside table to hoist yourself up with a grunt. "Jesus fucking Christ" you mumbled as you dragged yourself to the bathroom to make yourself presentable. Your mom was inviting one of her co-workers over for dinner and she briefly woke up earlier to tell you to dress your best because there was someone she wanted you to meet
You thought that maybe she was trying to get you to talk to one of her friends so you could get a job in town, you knew how badly she wanted you to move back in with her and your dad. So when you walk down stairs in your black, tight fitted long sleeved shirt, camaflouge print cargo pants - cinched at the ankles, and black, leather converse high tops, you weren't expecting to see one of the most gorgeous men you have ever seen before in your 24 years of living. Your mom was talking to a lady who you assumed was her co-worker while the man looked around the living room, smiling at family pictures and touching the plants
"Oh Y/n you're here!!" Everyone looked at you at the announcement of your arrival. You waved shyly then walked over to your mom with your arms stiffly at your sides. She introduced the woman as Vanessa Salvatore, the CEO of Salvatore inc, the largest car company in all of North America. Your jaw damn near touched your toes, when your mom had said co-worker you wouldn't have thought that she meant the CEO of the goddamn company she worked at
The woman shook your hand firmly and called over the man who was walking around the living room. "This is my son" she said as he walked over. He was dressed in a white button-up shirt, paired with a grey suit and brown shoes, his dirty blonde hair was gelled back, a missed curl falling prettily in front of his eye. As he planted himself next to his mother you noticed that his eyes were a beautiful emerald green and his jaw was chiseled to perfection, it could cut through diamonds if he tried. He was devastatingly gorgeous, taking your eyes off of him would not be easy
"Hello, I'm Stefan Salvatore" he held his hand out and flashed a beautiful, toothy smile. You smiled right back at him and took his hand, shaking firmly like your mom taught you. "Y/n Smith, nice to meet you" you replied, trying to sound professional, this must be something important, pertaining to your mothers job. You pulled your hand back while he stared at you, intensely like he was trying to read you through your eyes. You were starting to feel kind of hot under his gaze so you turned around to go help your father set the table
Your father greeted you with a smile when you walked through the doors "hey honey" he said as he grabbed a stack of napkins "help set these plates, will you?" He kissed your cheek then walked past you to set down the napkins. While you grabbed the plates you heard the kitchen door swing open, you turned around to see who it was and there was Stefan, waving hello to your father as he walked toward you
"Y/n right?" Stefan grabbed the glass cups that were stacked on the counter next to you "sorry if I stared a little back there, you are a gorgeous woman" he said, you could see a slight smirk on his face, he's confident, that's either a good thing or a bad thing. "Thanks, you're a very handsome man" you returned the compliment before going to set the plates down. He followed you to the connected dining room and set a cup down beside every plate you placed on the table. A comfortable silence wrapped around the two of you as you both worked to set the table
After the table was done being set up you called everyone into the dining room to eat. Your mom cooked since you had taken a nap (you reminded yourself to apologize for that later). She made baked macaroni, sliced ham, sliced turkey, yellow rice with gravy and baked chicken. You were ready to dig in but guests first was the biggest rule whenever you had company over. You waited until their plates were fixed then you eagerly stood up and placed some of everything on yours
"So Michelle, I heard that the idea of two engines was your idea" Ms. Salvatore held a hand to her mouth as she talked. Your mom nodded her head "I was quite shocked at hearing that but after learning so much about you I could see that you are a smart woman". You smiled proudly upon hearing this, your mom had been working on that two engine idea for the better part of a year, when she finally got the chance to pitch it to her higher ups she was a big ball of nerves, calling you every two seconds before she had to be in the boardroom
Your mom bowed her head shyly "thank you so much Vanessa" she said gratefully, a hue of pink faint on her cheeks
Conversations flowed perfectly after that. Ms. Salvatore asked you questions like where you worked and where you lived now and you had answered truthfully. You were the head photographer at the modeling agency you worked at in New York, Lights up studios
Mrs. Salvatore's eyes lit up "Oh! A photographer? My Stefan is a model and he lives in New York too" she pat his shoulder "It's hard to get him to come visit since his schedule is very tight but he manages"
"Me too, I visit whenever my schedule dies down a bit" you cleared your throat and looked at Stefan "a model? You are very handsome" you noticed the way your mom looked between you two with a big smile on her face. "Which companies have you worked with?". You wanted to know if he ever worked with your company before, maybe before you began working there he had done some shoots
Stefan shrugged "uh, nothing big just-" he looked at his mom and sighed, she was obviously very proud of his profession "Gucci and Louis Vuitton, places like that" he scratched the back of his head, for some reason embarrassed
Your eyes widened and you put your fork down "Oh wow that's totally big. I would love to see your pictures one day". You could tell he was about to decline but his mom already had her phone in hand and pictures pulled up. Stefan's photos were amazing, he was a natural and whoever his photographer was, they were so very talented. Your breath caught in your throat at one specific photo from an underwear photoshoot, it was hot but it weirded you out that you were looking at it from his moms phone. You sat back up and started chewing on a piece of ham while his mom showed more pictures to your parents
Dinner was great. After you and your mom had finished clearing the table, everyone gathered in the living room. After thanking Mrs. Salvatore for coming over, your dad went upstairs to his room because he had to get to work early tomorrow. Your mom sat next to Mrs. Salvatore on the couch and they seemed to be talking about something important. Stefan was sitting on a recliner, looking a little lost so you decided to sit on the one next to him
"Hey" you said as you sat down "I apologize, I wouldn't have asked if I knew you were going to be a bit uncomfortable". You were feeling bad about his obvious discomfort when you asked to see his pictures. He obviously didn't like talking about his profession much and you didn't mean to pry
He flicked his wrist dismissively "It's fine. I wanted to show them, I just uh, get a little embarrassed when my mom starts to talk about it" he lowered his head "it's stupid"
You shook your head "it's not stupid, I know how you feel". Hearing your parents brag about you is the worst, especially when it's about something as big as what Stefan does. You couldn't even imagine your mom pulling out pictures of you to brag to anyone she has a chance to brag to
"I'm surprised I've never bumped into someone as sexy as you up in New York" Stefan suddenly leaned over and whispered into your ear, deep and raspy. Heat immediately pooled in your stomach at the sinful sound. He's obviously not shy when it comes to flirting, is what you thought to yourself
You chuckled "is that so?". What you did next was bold but you didn't care. You turned your head his way, he was still leaning close to you so now your faces were only inches apart, you could see the shards of gray in his eyes and the way his lips formed a lopsided heart. "Well Mr. Salvatore, now you know where to bump into me" you whispered against his lips. His eyes flickered to your lips then back to your eyes
Just as he was about to reply, Mrs. Salvatore called you both over. You got up at the same time and walked over to the couch. Your mom was looking around nervously and that made you nervous but you didn't say anything, you waited for whatever was about to be said. "Uh, we think you two should go out and get drinks. Let the adults talk some more"
You looked at your mother and just like you thought, she wasn't making eye contact with you. No way was she trying to set you up with her boss's son. "Mom, can I talk to you in the kitchen" you said with a fake smile on your face
"Honey" she laughed awkwardly "we have guests"
"Just for a minute"
You turned around and walked to the kitchen, knowing your mom would be right behind you. "Mom what the fuck?" You whisper shouted once she walked in and the door was closed "your boss's son? Are you serious right now?"
She raised a brow "excuse me young lady? Watch your mouth" she sighed "now it's just to see how compatible you two are. He's a sweet young man and if you're going to get married soon then-"
You threw your hands in the air and interrupted her with a groan "I don't want to get married mom, what don't you understand!"
She was pleading with her eyes now "Y/n just try, you might like Stefan, he's a sweet boy. And he has seemed to take a liking to you already"
"Mom I don't-" You sighed tiredly, you have no more fight left in you and no more strength left to even finish that sentence. Everything you tell her goes in one ear and out the other, you can't do it anymore so you just agreed. You glared at your mom one more time before leaving the kitchen, mumbling a quiet "nice to meet you" to Ms. Salvatore before snatching your car keys from the hook by the front door
"Let's go Stefan" you said with a little sass as you threw the front door open and walked out into the night. Stefan was right behind you, closing the house door and scrambling to sit in the passenger side of your black Mercedes E Class. Once in the car, you started it and exhaled heavily "do you mind if I bluetooth this?" You asked Stefan as you held up your phone, indicating you needed to make a call. He shrugged and sat back, buckling his seat belt
As you pulled out of the driveway the sounds of your phone ringing filled the car. You needed some sense right now before you angrily killed you and Stefan by driving off of the next bridge you cross so you called the only person who could give you some sense. "Hello?" A voice whispered, she was obviously sleeping and you would feel bad if you weren't completely pissed
"Bonnie, why the fuck do I put up with this shit? I can't talk to her and to hell with the fake boyfriend plan, that wasn't going to work anyway and I knew it wasn't the minute I put my head down to nap" you were going on and on, to anybody else the silence would mean Bonnie doesn't really care but you know she's just listening intently "I can't do this shit anymore. I can't keep coming down here and hearing the same shit and worrying about the next man my mom is trying to marry me off to in Mystic Falls. It's exhausting Bonnie"
You weren't even angry anymore just exhausted. You tried to understand your mom, you tried to sympathize with her, you tried to be angry with her but none of it is working. Nothing you do is going to stop the constant nagging and the constant questions about your love life and the silent judgement you get from her friends whose kids are already married
Bonnie hummed "what happened y/n? Did she tell another one of her friends that you want a husband"
"Basically. She invited her boss and the lady's goddamn son to the house for dinner then sent me out to get drinks with the fucking son" you chuckled dryly "she thinks I didn't notice her smiling at us like we were going to get married right there in the fucking living room"
Stefan was looking at you like you were crazy but you paid him no mind. He knew exactly what you were talking about because judging by the way his mom was smiling from ear to ear upon introducing him, she definitely told him he needed to start looking for a wife too
"Is he ugly?" Is what Bonnie asked, you saw Stefan smirk out the corner of your eye and this time it pissed you off so you said the logical answer
"Yes" you bit back a snicker when you saw his eyes widen "and he's shorter than a troll"
"Hey! You're a liar" Stefan said, pointing an accusatory finger at you
"IS HE IN THE CAR?" Bonnie shouted, you winced at how loud it was, leaning over to turn the car volume down a little
You released a laugh, high pitched and squeaky "yeah he is" you laughed harder "you should see the way he's glaring at me"
Before you knew it, all three of you started laughing. It felt nice to laugh like that and you felt less pissed. Bonnie then stopped laughing and called your name, you hummed in acknowledgment. "Just make the most of it okay? Don't think of it as your mom sending you off on a date, think of it as you meeting a new friend" she said
You nodded your head, she's right you need to think more positively. Stefan is funny and handsome, you won't marry him but you sure would fuck him if you had the chance. So why not make the most of it? "You're right Bon, thank you" you sighed "I don't know what I'd do without you". You said your goodbyes and apologized for waking her up then you hung up
"Great friend. Mine would've told me to push you out of the car and take the next flight back to New York" Stefan said once the call ended
You laughed and glanced at him "if I had called my other friend, she would've said the same thing" you stopped at a red light then leaned back in your seat "you're not ugly by the way or short" you said quietly, your joking demeanor long gone
"I know" he replied smugly. You scoffed in disbelief and amusement, so he's definitely not one to turn down a compliment
You shook your head as you started driving again "Salvatore you're something else" you replied, hearing him release a breathy laugh in response
It's a sound you've come to like, maybe a little too much
The music was blaring and you could barely hear the story Stefan was trying to tell you. You both agreed to go to a local night club called "Mindy's", great bar service and great bathrooms to suck someone off. Stefan was leaning back in the booth across from you, his legs were spread out and he had both arms propped up behind him, he threw his head back in a deep laugh at one of his own jokes and you swear it was one of the sexiest things you ever heard
You were still kind of upset about your mother trying to set you up to get married but you tried not to think about it here. You were with Stefan and more than likely going to get fucked tonight, why ruin that with complaints? You tapped on the table "do you want another drink?" You asked Stefan as you slid out of the booth to go get yourself your fourth one of the night. He nodded and allowed his eyes to roam your body as he handed you his empty glass. Your fingers grazed his as you grabbed the cup and you felt tingles from the warmth
You walked away confidently, certain that he was staring at your ass. "Two gin and tonics please" you said with a smile once you reached the bar. The male bartender smirked at you before fixing the drinks
"Here alone?" The bartender asked, his shiny black hair was messy like he had been running his hands through it and his eyes were a striking blue "I'm Landon by the way"
You hummed and replied "with a friend" then you let yourself stare at his plump, red lips as he ran his tongue across the bottom one. "I'm Y/n", the bartender looked at you with some type of intensity in his eyes, you knew he wanted you but you just wanted to flirt. Flirting always calls for a good time
He slid you your drinks then leaned forward "I'd love to take you out sometime" he whispered "I don't see many beautiful women like you in the falls". You almost rolled your eyes, these men don't seem to see beautiful women anywhere. You grabbed the drinks, lifting your brow at an extra he slid over, saying it was "on the house"
You smiled at him and thanked him for the drinks and compliment. "Maybe you'll see me around more" you said, knowing that you'll be leaving soon and not coming back for a couple more months. After telling him that you should get going, you turned around and headed back to your booth
When you got back to the table, Stefan was looking at you with his eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched. You decided to sit next to him instead of across from him. "Got an extra!" you shouted into his ear. He smiled, tight lipped and his eyes were sharper like he was angry. You asked him what was wrong but he just shrugged and said nothing so you hummed and started swaying in your seat to the music
"I want to dance"
Stefan just looked at you and raised a brow as if questioning why but you just grabbed his hand and drug him out of the booth. "Humor me" you said, placing a hand on his chest "just one dance"
He stared into your eyes for a few minutes then he took your hand and walked onto the dance floor. He spun you around, pressing your back to his chest "hm, I think someone else was expecting a dance too" he whispered, his warm breath fanning across your neck. Your breath hitched as he pulled you closer, sliding his left hand down your left arm to intertwine your fingers
He was jealous. You realized it in the way he held you possessively and the way he chose a spot right where the bartender could see you guys. It's not everyday you find a man as sexy as Stefan that wants you so badly so you caught yourself from smiling and decided not to comment on his jealousy
Instead you pushed your hips back as he placed his other hand on your waist to guide your movements. You could feel his heart beating rapidly on your back and you reveled in the feeling, you were making him feel like this. Eventually you were grinding up against him faster and harder and you could feel his breath picking up from the constant friction. You put your head back on his shoulder and closed your eyes, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth when he started to leave feather light kisses down your neck. "Mm" you hummed as arousal swirled in the pits of your stomach, you needed to fuck him now
"I want you” Stefan confessed, low and deep in your ear, his lips grazing your earlobe. “I would fuck you so well” he added, nipping the lobe of your ear afterward
You let out a little gasp when Stefan released your entwined fingers then spun you to face him. You were drunk off both pleasure and alcohol, a dangerous combination. Stefan then kissed you, so deeply and passionately that your knees almost buckled from the feeling. His lips were softer and warmer then you could have ever imagined, not that you had much time to imagine since you just met him not too long ago
You panted as he pulled back just a little "show me then please" you begged. You weren't even going to resort to begging at first but every time he touched you a fire ignited throughout your whole body and the only way to put it out is to feel him inside of you
“Begging already?” Stefan said, his lips still against yours
You whimpered and closed your eyes as he kissed you again. You needed Stefan and it's now or never but before you could tell him to take you to the bathrooms, he was already letting go
“Come on then” he teased in a low voice, sending a shiver down your spine. His hands trailed lightly down your back, just a teasing touch, before he gripped your ass. Then the touch was gone and his warmth was gone. You opened your eyes to see Stefan walking toward the bathrooms, he walked with his head held high and the crowd parted for him like the red sea
Before you knew it you were booking it to the bathrooms. As soon as you opened the door, you were pulled in and pushed against it. Stefan locked it then connected his lips with yours hungrily. You melted into his touch, enjoying the softness of his lips and the taste of alcohol on his tongue as he licked into your mouth. Stefan slid his hands under your shirt to squeeze your waist and the touch sent a lick of heat through your stomach. You pulled back and scanned his body
"Let me suck your dick" it was a demand but a question at the same time
He nodded with a groan "yeah okay". Stefan switched spots so his back was against the door and you were in front of him then he unbuckled his belt and pulled his pants down enough to get his dick out. Your eyes widened, you almost wanted to slap him for having such a perfect dick – it was long, thick and his pretty red tip was already dripping with pre-cum
You quickly sunk down to your knees and stuck your tongue out, licking a broad stripe along the vein on his cock. Stefan released a drawn out moan, letting the back of his head hit the door with a thud. "Fuck" he cursed under his breath as you started to suck on the tip. He put a hand in your hair, not pushing your head but just keeping it there
This turned you on though, you wanted him to grip your hair and fuck his cock down your throat. And you let him know that by sinking down as far as you can, then looking up at him with tears pricking your eyes. His grip in your hair tightened and his breathing picked up. "Okay shit, I get it" he said, smiling down at you and boy was his smile beautiful. "Tap my thigh whenever you want me to stop" he added before pulling his cock out to rub his tip on your lips
When you opened your mouth he took that opportunity to slide in, slowly, just until he hit the back of your throat then he pulled back again and slammed in harder. Your eyes watered but you just breathed through your nose, you wanted this. "So good baby" he breathed as he looked down at you with half lidded eyes. The praise make your pussy clench around nothing, wanting him to fill you up
Stefan gently fisted your hair with both hands as he began to thrust, moving your head along with him. "Those pretty lips were meant to be stretched around my cock" he said as he started thrusting faster, moans getting louder. You're sure anybody who was waiting for the restroom could hear him but that made it even hotter
Drool and tears ran down your face as Stefan brutally hit the back of your throat with each thrust, you closed your eyes and thanked the universe for not giving you a gag reflex. You moaned around his length, hearing him let out a curse from the vibrations just like you thought he would. You continued to look up at him as he stared down at you, he was breathtaking. His forehead glistened with sweat and his tongue swiped across his bottom lip every few seconds. He smiled at you in between a moan and it was the sexiest thing you had ever seen
Soon his thrusts were faltering and his cock was twitching against your tongue with the need to release. "Fuck- I'm gonna cum" he moaned as he put his head back and squeezed his eyes shut. His grip in your hair tightened as he thrusted one more time, stilling with a loud groan as he came hot and salty down your throat. You swallowed it all quickly then sucked on his tip a little more until he was pulling you off from over stimulation
"You're a fucking dream" he breathed out, his eyes following you as you stood back up and wiped your mouth with the back of your hand
"So I've been told" you replied with a laugh as you turned around to walk to the sink to wash your face and fix your hair
After Stefan tucked himself back in and buckled his belt back up he walked up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist. "I don't have condoms on me" he mumbled as he kissed your ear. You tried not to pout in disappointment. You were really hoping to get fucked tonight but you were fine with it, you didn't care much
"It's fine I don't need anything in re-"
"But I have my own place a few blocks away" he interrupted with a face as if he was trying not to laugh and coo at you. That was all he had to say before you were grabbing his arm and unlocking the bathroom door. Of course you cared, you wanted Stefan and he didn't seem like the blowjob and go type of guy anyway. You didn't care about the people staring at the both of you as you flung the door open and walked out
You and Stefan walked to the car in silence because if either of you spoke you'd probably just say fuck it and have the nastiest sex on your backseat. Electricity was buzzing through your veins and you were already wet from earlier, you know he could fuck you good and you're ready to be pinned down and fucked rough
Stefan had already typed his address into your phone's GPS so in just a few minutes you were pulling up a huge driveway. Your eyes widened as something akin to a mansion came into view. His house was fucking huge, there is no way he lives here alone and of course you talked first and asked that very question. "You live here? Alone?" You asked your car came to a halt by the entrance
He shook his head and replied "not alone". You raised a brow and asked with who and he told you that he has a three year old puppy named Rose that he keeps with him every time he visits Mystic Falls, giving the puppy to his parents whenever he isn't here. For some reason you felt a sense of relief at the confirmation of nobody else living there but you ignored it because what would you be relieved for?
When you walked in the house you didn't even have time to process how big and beautiful it was inside before Stefan was grabbing your waist and smashing ypur lips together. You yelped as he picked you up and you quickly wrapped your legs around his waist. "You're so fucking sexy" he said in between nips on your bottom lip. He carried you up a flight of stairs with his lips still connected to yours, not pulling away until he threw you on a big bed in a bedroom way too big for one person. You sat still and looked around as Stefan went to go grab condoms out of his dresser
The room was huge but very bland like something you'd imagine a guest room to look like but you knew it was his room because of the single picture of him accompanied by a tall man with black hair that sat on his dresser. You wanted to ask questions but you didn't want to pry too much
Soon Stefan came back with three condoms, you lifted a brow and giggled. "Three? Are you trying to kill me?" You asked in faux disbelief. You can handle three rounds but you aren't sure if he can, not with you
He laughed lowly while moving to hover over you. "Just hoping you can keep up" he said before pressing his lips against yours, you wrapped your arms around his neck and wrapped your legs around his waist as you pulled him closer and kissed him back harder. You could kiss Stefan forever, it was like your lips were made to be on his
You both grinded against each other before Stefan pulled back to start kissing down your neck. "Tell me what you like" he said as he nipped a sensitive part on your neck "I'm open to anything" he continued, detaching his lips from your neck so he could pull your shirt off, you complied by lifting your arms
"Mm" you moaned as he kissed around your breasts, you indeed wore no bra. Your breasts are big but not too big so you were able to pass without a bra sometimes. "I like rough but not too rough, I don't want to bleed. I like to be choked and please don't hesitate to leave marks, it turns me on". You placed a hand on the back of his head as he started sucking on one of your hard nipples. "If you're too silent I might get up and leave in the middle of it" you laughed when Stefan softly bit your nipple trying to hold back a laugh. "I'm serious, be vocal, I like to hear how good you feel" you said, looking down in time to see Stefan wink at you
"Of course I'll be vocal baby" he mumbled against your skin as he was switching to the other nipple. You shuddered at the pet name again and closed your eyes thinking of more things to tell him
"If I say pineapple that means stop"
Stefan released your nipple with a pop "you better pineapple the shit out of me if you feel any bit of discomfort, got it?" He said with a small smile. You replied with a simple yes before helping him pull his shirt off
This man was carved by angels then double checked by the Greek Gods, you've never seen abs so chiseled and defined. Your mouth hung open as you shamelessly swept his torso with your eyes. Is it weird to say someone has pretty nipples? It probably is but that didn't stop you. "You're nipples are so pretty" you blurted, mentally face palming yourself once you said it
"Thanks" Stefan smiled then pinched one of your nipples "so are yours"
"Just fuck me already" you huffed with a playful roll of your eyes
Stefan kissed you again as he pulled your pants and panties off, quickly pulling his pants and boxers off as well. He stared open mouthed at your pussy and you were about two seconds away from covering up before he began to run his fingers along your glistening folds. He spread you open with two fingers "fuck you're so wet" he removed his fingers and brought them to your lips, you willingly opened your mouth to taste yourself like he wanted you to
He watched you with a hungry look in his eyes which spurred you on more. As much as you wanted to get fucked, you loved the foreplay, you know your orgasm is going to be so much more intense when he does get around to fucking you. You dragged your tongue in between his two fingers and you sucked hard, reminding him of the blowjob you gave him back at the club. "Shit" he whispered, voice heavy with arousal. You released his fingers then watched him move down so his head could be between your thighs
"Gonna taste you first" he said then he stuffed his face into your pussy
You arched up and released a sigh when he licked a stripe up your core and to your clit. He wrapped his lips around it, sucking hard as you grabbed the sheets on either side of your head and squeezed your eyes shut. It felt so good and you wanted so badly to hump his face. "So good Stefan" you whined when he swirled his tongue around your clit then moved to push his tongue through your pulsating hole, using his thumb to rub your clit
It was messy, you were so wet for him and you could hear the way he slurps on your pussy, it pushed you closer and closer to the edge. He pushed two fingers into your hole at once and it felt so good with just a small sting. He hooked his fingers, hitting your g-spot right away. "Right there" you whined breathily, pushing back on his fingers
He was so good at this, knew exactly what to do with his fingers and mouth. But you needed more, you wanted to cum on his cock. You tapped his head "fuck me" you looked at him through half lidded eyes and squeezed your own nipples "I want you so bad" you said, moaning softly when his pressed a kiss to your core
Stefan nodded and quickly sat up on his knees and opened one of the condoms. You watched as he rolled it on then pumped himself a few times. It was hot, he was hot. "Relax for me, okay?" Stefan whispered, rubbing circles into your thighs as he lined himself up with your hole. A quiet moan left you as he pushed in excruciatingly slow, his eyes stuck on where you two are now connected. He rests his hand down on your mound, thumb rubbing small circles into your clit as he rocked his hips into yours
"Shit" Stefan muttered softly to himself. He hadn't really set a pace yet, just lazily rolling his hips and enjoying the feel of your warm, wet pussy squeezing him so tightly. "Fuck you feel so good" he grunted out as he began to speed up his thrusts, fucking into you so hard that his neighbors could probably hear the slap of skin against skin
Stefan slid his hand up your torso to squeeze one of your breasts, rolling your nipple between his thumb and pointer finger. "Oh my God" your eyes rolled into the back of your head, his cock hit your g-spot with each thrust inside of you. You gripped his sheets to keep yourself from sinking your nails into his biceps. "Deeper please Stefan" you whined, not knowing how he could get any deeper but you need him to try
"Ride me" is what he replied "if you want it, then ride me" he challengingly quirked a brow and smirked. He was obviously teasing you but with no hesitation you put your hands on his shoulders and pushed him back, allowing his cock to slide out of you so you can hover above him
"You're so fucking sexy" He whispered as you positioned yourself above his cock and sunk down, he was just in you but the stretch was still there, it was a dull pain. His fingers dug into your sides harshly, hard enough to leave bruises and you'd smile about it if you weren't trying to fit his cock in you
You circled your hips a few times before lifting yourself up and slamming back down. You set the pace and made the movements quick and harsh. Stefan slid his hands down to your ass, helping you bounce up and down on him. "You ride me so well" Stefan groaned, eyebrows furrowing out of pleasure
You couldn’t help but clench around him from the endless praise, the action causing him to buck his hips as he moaned “yeah, just like that”. One particular swivel of your hips had you both groan in unison as you worked his cock to find your sweet spot. You locked into the feeling desperate to find it by grinding his cock deeper because it was right there, making your eyes roll backwards into your head. "Oh F-" you shuddered as you found the spot you were looking for
Stefan looked at you with eyes fogged with pure lust. There was no way he could close his eyes when you moved like that above him. He lifted his hips up to meet yours and although you weren't planning on cumming so quickly, that pushed so far over the edge, you couldn't even see straight as your orgasm knocked the breath out of you. Your vision was blurred, the dull ringing in your ears made your head pound and your body convulsed embarrassingly on top of Stefan
Your pussy fluttered violently around his cock, gripping onto it in a way that made Stefan's body shiver from pure pleasure. He’s moaning loudly, no longer being able to hold back. He brought a hand up to wrap around your throat as he planted his feet on the bed, sat up slightly and started fucking up so hard into you that you damn near saw stars
Both of you were sweating heavily and your skin was burning hot by now but you didn't want to stop, no matter how far you were pushed into oversensitivity
You could tell he was close when you felt him twitch inside of you so you used all of your energy to circle your hips to meet his thrust. "Fuck y/n" was the last thing you heard being whispered near your ear as he spilled inside of you, collapsing on top of you but not entirely as to not crush you
You both layed there for a few minutes breathing heavily. You tapped Stefan's shoulder to tell him to get off of you. With a sigh he pulled out of you and flopped onto your side, pulling off the condom and tying it up. "You're really a dream" he chuckled softly as he threw the condom into a small garbage bin by his bed
"So you've said" you looked at him and smiled. The silence was comfortable, just both of you basking in your post orgasm glow and waiting for your breathing to calm down. Suddenly your phone rang loudly, you sat up quick and felt around for it, picking your pants up off the floor and pulling it out of the back pocket
It was your mom calling, you looked at Stefan with wide eyes and put a finger over your lips. "Hello?" You stood up and paced the room, not bothering to even put your undergarments back on
"Y/n, where are you? It's almost one in the morning"
You bit back the scoff you so badly wanted to release "I'm with Stefan mom. Did you forget that you sent me off to get married to your boss's son?"
She sighed heavily, you could picture her leaning against the counter, rubbing her temples. "But that doesn't mean stay out all night doing God knows what! You still stay under my roof while you're here"
This time you did scoff, rolling your eyes as well "mom excuse my language but what the fuck?" You shook your head as Stefan looked over at you in concern "you begged me to leave the house with a random guy in hopes of me getting married so you can relive that through me, you don't get to lecture me when I don't come home for a couple of hours"
"Now Y/n watch-"
She tried to speak but you just needed to let this out so you interrupted her. "He could've been a serial killer or a kidnapper and if anything had gone left you wouldn't even be hearing my voice right now" you felt your eyes sting with tears, trying as best as you could to blink them back before they could fall "you're lucky that I'm with someone who actually makes me feel a bit safe. I'm not coming home tonight and I'll be packing tomorrow and going back to New York. I love you but I don't love the constant nagging about my love life, you don't respect me or my wishes mom. I'm sick of it" you tried to catch a tear before it slipped but it was too late "get some sleep okay? Goodnight, I love you" you hung up the phone and just stood there, butt naked and facing the wall with tears silently rolling down your face
You wiped your face and took breaths before turning around "uh, I'm gonna go" you walked to the bed and started putting your clothes back on and Stefan just watched. You didn't know if he wanted to say something or if he just didn't care but either way you just wanted to go. As you were putting your shirt on that's when Stefan got up, quickly going to his closet to rummage through a whole bunch of clothes. He pulled out a pair of black gym shorts and a white sleeveless t-shirt
"It's not much but if you uh, want you can take a shower here and stay here for tonight" he scratched the back of his head with one hand while he held out the clothes with the other, it even looked like he was blushing a little, you couldn't help but crack a small smile
You bit your lip to try to hold the smile back "are you sure? I don't want to impose or anything" you said while grabbing the clothes from him
"You're not imposing" he walked up to you and lifted your chin up with his fingers "don't let your mom force you to do anything you don't want to do" the look in his eye made you want to obey every word he said so you nodded your head. He searched your face "I'm serious y/n. I love my mom but if I had allowed her to force me into marriage I wouldn't be who I am today, doing what I love. You're a beautiful woman with a lot going for you, if marriage isn't what you want then don't do it"
Without really thinking about it you pulled him in for a kiss. Both of you were still naked but it wasn't a sex hungry, heat filled kiss, it was passionate and slow and it made butterflies flutter in your belly, you've never felt that before. You pulled away with a big, dopey smile on your face "I won't do anything I don't want to do" you whispered, biting your lip to conceal yet another smile
"So you wanted to kiss me like that?" He teased with a huge smile on his face. You turned away from him and began walking to the bathroom, answering his question by looking over your shoulder and inviting him in with a tilt of your head
"Come shower with me and I'll let you know what I really want"
He laughed loudly and you couldn't help but join in, it was so contagious. "Oh you crazy crazy girl" he said as he followed behind you, ready for whatever you had to offer him
Maybe you don't plan on getting married anytime soon or dating to be honest but Stefan has become a constant in your life and you'd like to keep it that way and when the time comes when you both want to settle down, it wouldn't be too bad if it was with him
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AITA for pretending to not know my childhood bully, even though she recognized me?
I (27NB) recently started a job at my local airport as a screening officer. I really like said job, because it has routine. I’m autistic and despite how loud it can get in the terminal, I like it a lot. I had been struggling a lot recently in trying to find a job and I waited a few months from this screening company.
A few months ago, my best friend (27F) of 21 years had to fly across the country and took a cheap flight where she ran into our childhood Bully (27F). She didn’t really bully my best friend as much as she bullied me. She used to lie to my friends and say awful things about me, have her mom call my mom daily from kindergarten to grade six. There was a point in my life where the Bully turned everyone against me. I won’t lie and say I was the perfect kid but the amount of BS that she constantly used to do was awful and in no way possible justifiable. Bully is now a flight attendant and works out of the same airport.
With the information of knowing she works at the airport, I went to my therapist on what I should do. My therapist has been a rock in my life, and helping me work through a lot of trauma. I asked her what I could do, because I knew that we would run into each other eventually and if it was right to just say I don’t know her. My therapist agreed and we made a plan: I would not approach her at any cost but if approached, I would remain friendly and polite as to not risk my job. Because I’m also non-binary and going by a different name, I would simply state that no, I’m not that person, sorry.
This morning, while I was walking to the car after my shift, bully saw me and loudly asked if it was me. I simply said “sorry, wrong person” and tried to continue going to my car but she stated “it’s me, Bully”. I stated: “sorry, I don’t know who you are” and got to my car before opening the door and getting in. I felt great. The safety protocols I worked on with my therapist went well.
I told my best friend and other best friend (27F) of what happened and how I thought they would be proud of me. We’ve all been through the wringer due to this bully. What happened was upsetting to say the least.
Best Friend 1 said that it was childish, incredibly petty and mean. Best Friend 2 was a little bit more understanding and asked if it would lead to a more adversarial relationship. I stated that I don’t want anything to do with the bully and that my therapist and I had talked it over previously and formed a plan. But Best Friend 1 is mad at me for doing this, citing that we work in the same building and I should not be resorting to this.
The thing is, when Best Friend 1 is mad at me, she will ghost me for months and then pretend like nothing happened. She won’t respond to text messages or anything. It’s kind of frustrating to say the least.
So tumblr, AITA?
What are these acronyms?
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*BOOK REPORT*
Napoleon and His Son by Pierre Nezelof
First of all, this book is called a "fictionalized biography" so that leaves me to doubt most of it as "fact", at least in a word for word sense. That is my disclaimer.
This book, unlike most Napoleon books I have read, tells what the characters are thinking and feeling and saying. It seems that normally in books, direct and known quotes are the only dialogue that occurs. The way that this one is written makes it feel as if you are really there and it is easy to visualize. It's not just some dry spouting of facts. That being said, I'm not sure how historically accurate it really is.
Our story begins with Marie Louise finding out that Napoleon has divorced Josephine and is looking for a bride. She soon finds out that she is the intended target and is upset, calling Napoleon "the devil" and "the antichrist".
The story progresses through their marriage and the birth of Napoleon II. Here is the one part where I actually feel bad for Marie Louise. I can relate to her on a mom level. She had a difficult birth and then, by etiquette at the time, didn't have the moments of bonding needed for a mother and baby, especially your first baby. Napoleon II had servants for everything. He did not even need his parents. A wet nurse breastfeed him, which again, was common at the time, but breastfeeding and skin to skin contact with a baby is a HUGE thing in bonding. Marie Louise never had that chance. Now I'm not condoning her neglectful behavior later on, but I understand the reason. She did not feel close with Napoleon II, and I think that made it easier for her to just ignore him and leave him to be brought up by tutors. I know with my first son, not having EVER been around babies, that I didn't know how to connect with him at first. My husband went as far as to accuse me of not loving our son when really I just didn't know how to interact with a baby. Once I figured that out, things were much better. But what I'm saying here, is that she didn't get the chance to figure that out. She didn't have to. There were people for her son's every need except that of a real mother.
Once Napoleon went into exile, first at Elba, and then again to St. Helena, Marie Louise ran back to the only life she knew without Napoleon: Austria. Napoleon II was only a toddler. They took away his toys and French clothes and did their best to make him an Austrian prince under Metternich's careful watch. They began calling him Franz. Eventually all his French staff were removed and replaced with Austrian staff. He was kept in the dark about many things concerning his father, especially where he currently was and how he was being treated. Meanwhile, Marie Louise had quickly fallen in love with Count Neipperg, and was concealing her new life, and even new children! from her son. She was away from Franz for years at a time, often making excuses on why she couldn't travel to see him.
Franz's only friends were Sophie of Bavaria and Prokesch von Osten. Sophie was his comfort and Prokesch was his hope. They were always making grand plans to help Franz return to the French throne. He felt that these were the only people he could trust. Everyone else reported back to Metternich, who was basically holding him prisoner, keeping him away from France and even his own inheritance.
Unfortunately, Franz was a sickly young man. By the time he was 21, he was on his deathbed. Unfortunately, Prokesch was away - meeting with Franz's grandmother, Laetitia (as it is spelled in this book), mother of Napoleon Bonaparte. Sophie went into labor also at this time with her second child, and was unable to see Franz once more. She had barely left his bedside during his illness despite her pregnancy. Begrudgingly, Marie Louise showed up, ordered by her father to do so. She couldn't stomach the sight of her dying son and kept fainting/running out of the room/leaving him alone. Franz died of Tuberculosis and Metternich slept easily, knowing that the threat of Napoleon was gone.
It was a very good book with an engaging story. I would definitely recommend, but again, I caution that it might not be 100% fact.
#napoleon#napoleon bonaparte#marie louise#napoleon ii#franz#duke of reichstadt#l'aiglon#king of rome#sophie of bavaria#prokesch von osten#klemens von metternich#napoleonic#austria#book report#napoleon and his son#pierre nezelof
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Shapeshifter HRT
Day -394
I go in to the doctor. Doctor T.H. Arian. The name is a little suspicious but his treatment of my wife has been favorable.
"I thought about this for a long time doctor. I want to be a shapeshifter."
His face gets serious. "Do you know how many people that come in here and ask for that? What do you really want to be? We do offer polytherian treatments if you just can't decide between a few."
So I list them. Every single one. Cat, dog, fox, mouse, snake, bird, hermit crab, angel, devil, elf, vampire, unicorn, hamster, ferret… and others… forms that don't have names but I describe their anatomy in great, sickening, detail.
"If I tried to go through all of them one at a time it would be too complicated. Too much for me to keep track of and what happens if I want to change into something I haven't listed yet? Please doc, if I had to be one thing it would be a shapeshifter."
He removes his glasses and sighs.
"There is a treatment for it." He says.
I can't contain my squeaks of excitement.
"But." He cuts me off. "The substance I'm using is a lot more controlled. I can guarantee the things that it will do to your body will be worse than what your wife went through."
"I still want it… If you got anything that basically makes me like Venom that would be ideal."
"Will you be changing into anything mechanical or robotic?"
"Probably not."
"Okay. I will put in the request now, but do not hold your breath. A government agent will eventually contact you and mail you the paperwork that you need to fill out."
- Day -96
6:21 in the morning. My phone was ringing and with my wife still asleep I answered it.
"Hello this is Officer Mitchell. I am here with Agent Duress. We're here to ask you some questions about this… medication you are requesting?"
My local sheriff, with some guy from the government. Great.
"Yeah I made a request sometime last year and hadn't heard anything."
"Yes, well. There had been some policy changes 150 days ago about the substance you're requesting. Everyone who filed a report had to do so again."
"And I'm just hearing about this now??"
"Your doctor had been informed about it two weeks ago and resubmitted all files that needed to be submitted. He requested we handle this urgently so that is what we're doing, ma'am."
"I'm not a ma'am. Please use Sir if you can."
"With all due respect, ma'am. You take this medicine it's going to turn you into something that I don't even want to think about. Gender ain't gonna mean much to a freak like you."
"I can still use whatever damn pronouns I want."
"Okay, okay. No need to be so sensitive about it. I just gotta sign this thing that says I'll keep an extra eye out for you if you decide to start doing crimes."
"Oh my god."
"Hey, you're the one who wanted to be everything all these stupid fucking things. Ferret, angel, hermit crab? Really? If any crimes are done from species in any of these lists you're gonna be on the suspect board by default."
"Fine. I'll consent to it."
"Alright, good. Next is understanding the exact risk of this substance. Has your next of kin been notified?"
"My wife is fully aware yes."
"Your parents, darling. I'm asking about your parents."
"Dad died 3 years ago and mom's never had custody of me. I am nearly 30 fucking years old, why are you asking about my fucking parents?"
"Standard procedure. Normally we have underage people asking for this stuff. So what age would you say you were dysphoric as a… 'Mono-formic being.'" He sounded out each word bitterly.
And so the questions went on and on and on and on and on. Until finally a voice different from the sheriff's came in.
"Thank you for your time. It will be under consideration."
And then it hung up.
"Ugggghhhh." I groan to myself.
"If you wanna go to the diner I could search for a shirt that fits me now." My cow wife says.
"It's fine. I'll just hang out on the internet. All I can do is fucking wait after all. From email or carrier pigeon I guess!!"
"Too loud."
"Sorry. I'm just mad."
"Do you think they hire pigeon therians into the government to carry messages?" She asks,
"Derpy Hooves is definitely a pigeon therian." I reply back,
"So true OP…" She yawns and slips back into sleep.
- Day 0
It was a text message. It was ready at the pharmacy and all I needed to do was go pick it up like any other medicine.
Doctor T.H. Arian gave me information on how to apply it and what to expect for the low dose they start me on.
He was very insistent I record my emotional state through this and that he would be prepared to stop the treatment if it made me 'worse.' Though he refused to define what worse was.
The medicine itself was just a little black goo in a bottle. I had been informed that it could be applied just on my skin, but that carried a risk to my partner and her own HRT procedures. So I opted for injection instead.
#animal hrt#otherkin hrt#therian hrt#shapeshifter hrt#idk if this will continue but i found it cathartic to write#transmasc#ftm
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Hey man! I always love hearing about others’ transition. I’m a trans guy myself who is just now identifying that way very recently and is navigating getting ready to start T and top surgery whenever I’m able as I am saving up. I’d love to hear about your journey and where you are now. 😊
🏳️⚧️ Testosterone and Top Surgery 🏳️⚧️ (UK) : Discovering Myself, Hormones, Top surgery, Where I Am Now
Hey buddy! I'm more than happy to tell my story so far. I'll pack as much into this post as I can, as it may be helpful to others too, so it may be a bit long, but I'll do it in sections 😊
🕵🏻 Discovering Myself 🧐
This bit was tough. I think it is for a lot of us. I knew deep down for several years that I wasn't a girl. I was terrified of the thoughts that were buzzing around my head, terrified of the things I was feeling. I buried it so deep. At university, I started to let go a bit. Friends around me came out as non-binary and trans, I figured it wasn't so bad. I experimented with pronouns and identities, and eventually I admitted to myself that I was just a guy. I came out to my family aged 21 by letter and it went really well.
Things were still a bit scary though. Trying a binder on for the first time was both exciting and daunting. It felt so freeing and right, but scary too because it meant that, maybe, I needed to get rid of my chest.
💊 Hormones 💉
Over time, the dysphoria got worse and worse. I was becoming extremely jealous of my best friend who was on testosterone (T) and features that other men had that I didn't. I struggled most with my period. At its worst, I spent hours in my flat toilet and the toilets at work crying and withering in disgust and vile discomfort. I'll never forget those feelings.
I knew I'd make it to the other end though one day because my friend had. And, fortunately, April 2023, that day came.
📝 Testosterone Prescription 😄
After jumping through a load of loopholes and sending my blood tests off, my GP/Doctor booked me an appointment. I thought it was just to talk to me about my blood tests.
I sat down and he talked to me for a bit. Nothing much, nothing special. Then, he started printing something out. He whipped it from the printer and handed me this lil slip of paper. It was a prescription letter.
You know how people say the world can stop? Or go in slow motion? That's exactly what happened. I must have spent an entire lifetime staring down in silence, in awe, at this little piece of paper. My eyes were welling up with joy. I looked at him and all I could do was thank him, over and over and over again. A great smile beamed on his face.
Upon leaving, everything was blurry. It was like I had tunnel vision. All I could see was this piece of paper. I stormed out of the building, called my Mom, and violently cried with joy.
"Slow down, I can't understand you", she said.
"I've got it. I've got it. I have a testosterone prescription!" I spluttered.
It took me a while to calm down, haha. I've never been so joyous.
🌱 Testosterone Effects Timeline 📊
⚠️Please note everyone's changes, intensity of changes, and rates of changes are different⚠️
Week 1: no voice drop, but my throat felt different; increased discharge downstairs; a little sweatier and took me longer to cool down.
Week 2-3: some hot flashes but not many; needed bigger meals.
After 1 month: period stopped (🥳); small amount of increased hair growth on legs; head hair started growing faster; more and slightly more intense hot flashes; subtle voice changes, easier to talk at my lowest level.
2 months: stamina increase, longer work time and shorter recovery time; voice slightly deeper; upper lip hair started coming through darker; increased peach fuzz hair growth on face, arms, legs, stomach, especially legs; increased spots on back.
Up to 6 months: how I felt and processed emotions changed (found it A LOT easier to process emotions, less chaotic mind); even more hair growth and a few random beard hairs; further stamina increase; my sweat and pee changed how they smelt which was weird; further voice changes; sometimes I had sudden bouts of strong hunger but not often.
Up to 12 months: increased downstairs discharge stopped; even more body hair (thicker, darker, curly), especially on legs; a few more beard hairs on chin; back spots decreased; voice a little deeper; face shape changes, boarder shoulders.
Up to 17 months (now): almost every area on my legs is hair; hair growth on butt and up butt; a few more beard hairs (that grow back pretty quick after shaving); warmer, more and longer got flashes, difficulties cooling down (I'm also extremely heat averse though so 🤷🏻); masculinising hairline (i.e receding at the front to look more masculine); much more noticeable voice changes, difficulties reaching higher tones, much easier to talk low.
Extra: I haven't experienced any bottom growth or change in libido at all. I've identified as asexual for a while now and still do, no changes at all. It's fairly common to experience bottom growth and some report a change in libido too, I just haven't 🤷🏻
🧑🏻⚕️ Top Surgery 😷 - double incision
I was terrified I wasn't going to get to this stage. I moved from Wales to England and both have different medical systems, so I was petrified of my surgery referral getting lost.
Fortunately, it didn't get lost. Once it was booked in, I had my consultation where I met the surgeon and her team, I was measured, told about the process and what could go wrong and what the solutions were.
Now I had a new fear: was this right? The self doubt was ridiculous. What if I regretted it? What if I hated my results?
The morning of the surgery answered these questions. My plan was that if it felt wrong on the morning, I knew I had the power to back out.
At 8:30am I was called to my surgery. I wrapped my arms around my Mom, a giant smile swallowing my face, and I said, "see you later!", and pranced down the corridor with the nurse. I was SO excited.
Going under anaesthetic was perfectly alright. It was insanely fast which I wasn't expecting. They started the anaesthetic and all I had time for was a few sentences before I was out.
🛏️ Recovery 🏥
💫I've got a big list of tips and tricks for top surgery recovery which might be best for another post because it's huge💫
Recovery actually wasn't too bad. When I woke up, the only discomfort I felt was a prickly feeling around the surgery site which they quickly sorted with painkillers. The day after anaesthetic was a bit rocky, I slept a lot and felt a bit icky, basically like a hangover. After that, all I felt was a dull aching in my abdomen for 3/4 days, otherwise no pain. I couldn't actually feel anything around my nipples or incisions, it was totally numb. The trickiest part was actually keeping myself busy so my Tourette's didn't damage the surgery site.
Once things had healed up a bit more and my stitches were out/dissolved away, I really started to appreciate my new chest. Unlike some people, I didn't have a super euphoria moment. For me, it's simply been total peace and relief since. I no longer think about my chest in any capacity. It feels natural, normal, right, and that, to me, means it was absolutely the right decision. It was what I needed.
🙋🏻 Where am I Now? 🙋🏻
It's been just over 10 months since my top surgery and my scars are fading very well. I'm very happy with the results. I've regained a substantial amount of sensation too in both my nipples and the incision scars. I've done a huge amount of scary care which I'm happy to talk about in another post so this one doesn't get any longer.
I'm fortunate enough to have had all of my records changed, I have a male passport, and I recently passed my driving test and have a full driver's license with my new name on it!
But, I think more importantly, I now feel more confident, I care about what I wear and how I look, I've found my style and what I like to wear, I look after my personal hygiene, and I feel like myself.
And that is where I am now 😊
I hope you've found this helpful in some way. There's a lot of information here. It was nice to type that story out. If you'd like anything else in more detail or have any questions, go for it!
#transgender#trans#transftm#ftm#transman#transguy#trans rights#trans rights are human rights#transgender transition#social transition#medical transition#hrt#testosterone#top surgery#gender affirming care#gender dysphoria#gender euphoria#trans joy#transgender joy#trans pride#lgbtq#my story
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Danny finds his clone in the Fenton Works lab.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22
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It couldn't be true—
It couldn't be true—
It couldn't it couldn't it couldn't be—
Danny denied it over and over like a mantra, a broken record stuck in a painful loop as he flew home as fast as he could.
Because he didn't want to believe any of it. Vlad had to be lying. His parents wouldn't do that to him. His mom wouldn't do that to him.
But all the clues, the scattered bits and pieces that were at first perplexing and nonsensical were now falling into place.
Don't you know what they've done to us? To you?
His ultimate enemy's words had no meaning for him before but now they all rushed back into his head making such terrifying sense.
And then a second ultimate enemy, a number tattooed on his upper arm just like all the dead clones in that graveyard.
I was created to be used and then destroyed. To live a short time before she killed me.
She. She.
He did not want to believe that she could be his mother.
It had to be a lie. He would go home and down into the lab and there would be no clone there. He was sure of it.
He wanted to be sure of it.
Danny phased through the walls of Fenton Works and maintained his ghost form as he searched for his parents. He found them upstairs in their room with the door shut, their voices muffled as they spoke about something. Danny stood outside a moment before floating away, past Jazz's door and down the stairs, down to the basement. Taking the long way instead of just phasing through the floor because he was stalling, afraid of what he might find once he reached the lab.
The lab was dark. Danny switched on a light and went down the stairs, one step at a time, slowly, slowly, holding his breath.
God, he didn't want to keep going. He wanted to go back up to his room and hide under his covers.
But he gripped the stair rail and continued his descent, down into whatever hell was waiting for him.
He froze when he saw what was belted to the main examination table.
No, not what. Who was on the table.
Unmoving. Sleeping. Or perhaps unconscious.
Danny approached the table to get a better look, but even from a distance, he recognized that thick dark hair, the point of that nose, the curve of that neck, the jut of those eyebrows.
He had seen them in photographs. In mirrors. Every day for over sixteen years.
"Oh, my God," he breathed out, not even realizing he had been holding his breath.
He braced himself against the table, leaning and hanging his head, on the edge of hyperventilating. Gathering courage, he looked up again and studied the clone. On his back with his arms down by his sides, dressed in a hospital gown, wrists and ankles strapped to the table with anti-ghost belts pulled tight. No cuts or incisions, no signs of trauma. It appeared the experimentation had not yet begun for this clone.
A flash of memory. The second incarnation of his ultimate enemy pulled down his sleeve, revealing a tattoo of the number 26.
Danny shakily lifted the right sleeve of the clone's hospital gown. The number 26 was tattooed in black on the clone's upper arm.
One day you will see me again. I won't look like this, but you'll know it's me when you see this number. And then you'll understand.
Yes. Danny understood now. The past version of his second dark enemy looked very different indeed.
A small metal side table stood nearby, holding tools and a clipboard. Danny picked up the clipboard and leafed through the sheets of paper clipped to it. Notes written in his mother's handwriting, details and instructions for what was to be done with Clone 26.
Flay the skin away from the arm in one piece if possible so it can be restitched on, will see how quickly and how well it is able to reattach and heal—
Danny dropped the clipboard, which clattered back onto the metal side table. He covered his mouth and turned back to look at the sleeping clone, so peaceful and unaware of the horrors planned for him. No white hair, no ghostly complexion. His skin was warm and pink with blood, his lashes dark on his closed eyes.
His mother was planning on destroying him knowing full well he was her son.
She wasn't even going to pretend he was just a ghost.
Danny stood there. Motionless. Staring. Hell stared back at him.
An involuntary shudder jarred the return of his senses. His parents were probably going to come down soon.
He made a decision in just a split second and knew he had to act quickly. No time to think or consider his options.
He loosened each belt holding the clone to the table and lifted him, one arm supporting his back, the other beneath his knees. The clone did not wake as Danny jumped into the air and phased through the ceiling, up and up to his bedroom. He laid the clone on his bed and pulled a pair of jeans and a T-shirt out of his dresser drawers. He removed the hospital gown and redressed the clone in his own clothes, stepping back when he was done, watching as the clone continued sleeping supine on his bed, on top of the covers.
God, the clone really did look exactly like him.
He heard shuffling noises from his parents' bedroom down the hall. Still holding the clone's hospital gown in his hands, he dropped through the floor, all the way back down into the basement lab. He changed into his human form and quickly stripped out of his clothes, phasing all of them off and tossing them out of sight. He then slipped on the hospital gown, shivering in the frigid, sterile lab air.
He imagined all of the clones that had been here. That had died here.
Such a frightening place to wake up in.
He climbed onto the lab table and placed the four belt restraints around his wrists and ankles, loose enough that he could easily slip out of them. He then lay back on the cold metal surface and closed his eyes, breathing deeply, trying to control the erratic tremors seizing his whole body.
Then he waited. And listened.
His heart began racing when he heard the basement door open.
Part 24
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Arrowheads | Nya Smith x fem! reader
I believe that there are things out there that want to hurt me. Will hurt me. That’s a thought I can’t get to ever leave my head. But she calms them. Only her.
Next part, Masterlist
I had never been to Ninjago city. Cole said it was too unsafe. I was a musician. Well a songwriter. A ghostwriter to be specific. I get paid to not leave my room and write lyrics for some big artist or little artist to take credit for. I wanted to be a singer. I wanted to perform but stages weren’t a place for me to be. The world scared me. People scared me. It requires so much effort to live in the world. Especially as a girl. I needed to look perfect, act perfect, be perfect. And I wasn’t. I had too many flaws to count. My wardrobe doesn’t have a new outfit for everyday. I own more pyjamas than clothes. I talk better in rhyming words on paper than I do to people.
I wasn’t always like this. I wasn’t scared. I’m not now. But too many ghosts walk around outside for me to be comfortable. Not literally. That was years ago. And in stixx. And that was the last time I saw my brother. Granted, he was older. But after mom died and Dad drank himself into sobbing onto his music sheets, I thought we were closer. I understand he raised me. Not a job for a grieving 14 year old boy. Not a job for any teenager to be raising a horribly paranoid 8 year old. I was almost 9. Nether less, Children shouldn’t be raising children. I never got over that paranoia. It grew. It grows inside me even now. After the second round of snakes. Not the serpentine. The one who had fire powers. I covered my apartment windows in newspaper and bought 3 locks for my door. I called Cole in tears for over 4 hours. He didn’t pick up once. After all that, I got a message 4 days later, asking me if everything was okay. We called for 10 minutes before he had to go. He sounded tired and exhausted the whole time. Maybe I was too much. I had grown use to the thought he might resent me. That he wasted the rest of his youth raising me and comforting me through everything before Dad sent me to a programme in Jamankai for young music protégés after he had mailed in my notebook of lyrics and video recording of me playing various instruments and singing. All lessons he made me take. I was 11, almost 12. Cole was 18 and never came home after I left. The programme led to me getting in to a songwriting degree at 16. And last year I graduated. On the day of that snake attack. The fire one. Cole promised to be at my graduation just outside ninjago city. He lived there. He was the only reason I went. He promised to come on the stage with me if I needed him to. He didn’t turn up. Answered none of my calls. Until 4 days later with his infamous everything okay message. Later I got an ‘I’m sorry’. So a year later, I decided I’m tired. I would go to ninjago city. Talk to him myself. That’s what I was doing right now. I decided writing songs about reuniting and rebuilding relationships was not the therapeutic release I needed. It was to see my brother, now 28, as an adult, 21. I deserved to know why he treated me this way, I deserved to not be caged in my room. To see the world I feared so much. Even if the thought of the train ceiling collapsing in on me was the only thought I had right now. Luckily, the train wasn’t too busy but barely anyone lived in Jamankai these days. I might even see a ninja in ninjago. Or a dragon. I hope at least. As long as I am far away from wherever they are headed. I had his address, and I would be there, tonight! Maybe this afternoon if I sped walk.
I hate myself. This was an awful idea. He can hate me. I don’t care. I see a dragon and a ninja. And robots trying to kill me. Why did I do this? They may be on TV but that was close? Right? Ninjago city isn’t that big.
“Don’t look too worried darling, that was yesterday’s highlights. And about 50 minutes away from here.”
“Oh.” I said and walked away. I am utterly embarrassed. Why did I leave my room? Was he trying to be funny?
“Miss do you need a ride anywhere?” I looked back at him and continued walking. “No! It’s not like that! I’m Chen! I own a cab company- here’s my card-! There’s my company car-! I was just trying to do my job! I’m gay!”
“Oh, me too king.” I said and he nodded, with a smile.
“Actually?”
“Unfortunately.”
“Okay, well, front or back?” He asked and I looked at him weirdly before I realised he was talking about the car and not a weird way of asking me if I was a top or bottom.
“Front. I don’t like the back.” I said and he went to take my bag and I didn’t let him. The ratty bunny teddy I had since I was 2 was in clear view if I moved my jacket off the top and I couldn’t handle anyone seeing it. He nodded and just opened the passenger door for me.
“Where are you going?” Chen asked and I paused before telling him.
“Here.” I said and showed the address in my notes, he frowned before nodding.
“That’ll only cost a 20.” He said with a smile but I didn’t share it. Any money out was money I wouldn’t see again for a month. And I hadn’t paid my water yet.
We sat in silence whilst he played a long playlist of purely Azealia banks. I recognised some songs. And some lyrics. Although I’m sure I hadn’t wrote for her.
“Not much of a talker?” He said and I looked up at him.
“This is the first time I’ve left the house in 3 months.” I said and he nodded, surprisingly understanding.
“My mom had agoraphobia. I get it. I’m proud of you for even getting out at all. She hasn’t left the house in 4 years. The great devourer swallowed her coworkers in front of her and then when the time twins happened she got jumped by all those mini snakes and almost strangled to death so… I should not be telling you this!” I stared at him wide eyed.
“I think I might have agoraphobia…” I said and he nodded.
“Well… uhm. Just stay away from the main part of the city. It’s still pretty levelled from the sons of Garmadon but it’s every new villains favourite part. I’m taking you well out to the outskirts so… actually I’m surprised you even got a train into the city. It’s basically just forests and one blocked off area where a boarding school used to be but crumbled after the stone warriors.” Chen said and I nodded.
“So nothing that can kill me?” I said and he nodded.
“Nothing ever happens there. People don’t even call it part of ninjago city with how barren it is.” My nerves slowly calmed. Emphasis on slowly.
We parked in an empty car park with 3 beat, old cars and one truck that lucked equally beat. We both got out and Chen looked around calmly. Like he hadn’t been here in ages. I immediately called Cole. 1 ring. 2 rings. 3 rings. 4 rings. 5 rings. Voicemail. I sighed. Chen looked at me worriedly. Why would Cole give me a fake address? I sighed before debating to myself. I scrolled down. Well I didn’t have to. I only had 5 contacts. And two were my landlord and the building maintenance man. I tapped on the ‘Pearl (Cole’s girlfriend)’ contact. Were they even still together? I rung anyway. 1 ring, 2 rings, 3 wings…
“Hello?” She didn’t sound too happy.
“Uhm- hi… I’m uh-“ how the hell did I speak.
“Who is this?” She asked and I stuttered before getting my words out.
“I’m Y/n Brookstone. I’m Cole’s sister, he said he lives here but, I’m staring at an empty parking lot-“
“-Wait- Cole’s sister?!” She asked and I nodded.
“Yes, Y/n Brookstone, is this Pearl?” I asked and she took a moment before responding.
“Yes. What- sorry I didn’t catch your name, what was that?” She asked and I repeated myself again.
“Y/n Brookstone.” I said and I heard her sigh.
“That’s not Cole’s sister’s name.” She said and I froze. Yes it was?
“No, that’s my name- I have ID! I can prove it-!” I immediately defended.
“I don’t know what sick prank call this is- I get that his family are upset we didn’t invite them to the our wedding but this is- this is weird.” Pearl said and I froze.
“Cole’s married?” I asked and she sounded even more annoyed.
“Yes! To me! And if you were his sister you’d know my actual name and not just ‘Pearl’- anyone can know that!” She exclaimed and my insides tensed up. I didn’t want to argue with my brother’s apparent wife!
“That’s what he called you- he gave me your number! I have 5 contacts- I’ve tried calling him but he’s not answering-! Please! Is he there?!” I pleaded and she ignored me.
“5 contacts? That just gives burner phone! I don’t know you are- Cole’s sister’s name isn’t Y/n. And I’m not giving it to you! I’m going to block you.” She said and I let out an actual sob.
“No, please! I will send you my location! I am his sister! I don’t know what he said my name was but I wouldn’t have this address if it wasn’t me! He’s really big on privacy and security- you’d know that- but- please just let me talk to him. Is he there?!” I begged and I heard her scoff.
“No. I’m coming outside, and if you’re in that fucking parking lot-“ there was some commotion on the other line, “no it’s just some girl with a fake name, claiming to be Cole’s sister! She’s literally in the parking lot-!”
“End the call then.” It was another girl’s voice. She sounded very unbothered.
“No, please-! I’ve tried calling Cole- I wouldn’t bother you if I didn’t have to.” I said and she ignored me again.
“I’ll tell him you called.” She said.
“Just come outside- I can prove it-“ the line went dead. I stared at my phone in shock. Pearl already hated me and I hadn’t even met her yet. She made Cole so happy. And the one thing that makes him happy, hates me.
“Hey… do you have anywhere to stay?” Chen asked and I turned around quickly, I didn’t know he was still here. “I didn’t want to leave until I knew you were safe.” He said and I sobbed. He quickly hugged me and I held onto him. I had just met him and he was already comforting me.
“No…” i practically whispered.
“Are… are you- what happened? If you don’t mind me asking.” He asked and I had to look up to try and stop the tears.
“She hates me.” I said and he frowned.
“Who hates you?” He asked.
“My brother’s wife! And she makes him so happy- and I-“ he cut me off and separated from the hug.
“Well she sounds like an asshole then. C’mon, it’s starting to rain.” Chen said and we got back in the car.
Volume: ■■■■■□□□
The monastery was unusually quiet. With the monks doing outdoors training, Wu’s barking orders couldn’t be heard. The monastery was, for once, all girls. And it was quiet. Misako was sat turning pages of her ancient scripture, Peach was nursing a headache that came from teaching over excited 6 year olds how to stay still for an hour, Cherry was busying herself trying to perfect her own nails. She had to give up getting her nails done after going into ninja-witness protections. Snowdrops was lingering somewhere in her own world of systems. Pixal was sentinel, probably with Snow in their world of digital beings. Pearl was stress-cooking, she had been thinking of the phone call since it had happened. And how she had been so rude and how the girl was so distressed.
“Try meditating, watching you stress like this is not helping my head.” Peach said, mug of some kind of tea pressed to her head.
“I’m sorry…” Pearl said but only stilled for a moment before pacing again. The curry she was making didn’t even get to bubble before it was being stirred again.
It went back to how it was, Peach had took to laying on the counter in this time. She still found it hard to sleep without Lloyd. Her dragon crooned lowly outside and she looked to the window where the eye of the dragon was visible. She smiled and the dragon raised its head again. Peace was nice. Quiet was nice. It was what everyone needed. But it never lasts long. Not in this home. To be a ninja was to be quieter than silence herself but to be a part of this family, was to be on the same volume level as a foghorn:
The bangs and clatter of ninjas coming home was undoubtedly recognisable. It was the same everytime. Groaning, complaining, whining, that all came from the men as they made their way to the living area. Pixal sprung to life again. Making Cherry jump and curse as she smudged her nails. Peach whined as she turned on her side. Pearl sighed as the familiar arms wrapped around her. She could almost ignore the grime and oder that came from the ninja when they had been on a three-week stake out. A kiss was placed on her temple and she smiled before the smell became too much and she pushed the large man off her.
“Smells good.” Cole said and she frowned.
“You don’t.” Pearl said which was backed up by Peach who made a noise of agreement.
“I’m talking about the food, you too.” He said and she smiled.
“It’s not done yet.” She said and smacked his hand that was reaching for the ladle. He laughed and put his hands up. Jay and Nya were next to come in. The recently separated fiancés were better than ever. Both relishing in not having to suffer their deteriorating relationship anymore and Nya’s confession. She wasn’t into men. Not anymore at least. She was ashamed it took her this long to realise that men were not it for her at all. Jay didn’t hold it against her. He took it better than anyone could. He loved Nya but even he could admit that their love for each other had changed. They were friends and they cared for each other. But not in the way they once had. It was refreshing to see both of them so free and happy even after a 3-week stake out.
“Who wants patrol tonight?” Cole asked to which the ninjas in the room groaned. “No one takes it, Lloyd will decide.” He added to which another groan followed.
“I’ll take it. I wasn’t really involved in that last fight.” Nya said to which they both thanked her.
“Did I just hear I don’t have to do patrol?” Kai asked, Zane in tow. Snowdrops physical form appeared to hug Zane in a way that no one was sure was possible with her form. Somehow physical but not?
“I don’t care as long as I’m not moving tonight.” Peach said.
“Well, you’re in luck! Lloyd stayed behind to check everything was still running smoothly! Won’t be back till tomorrow!” Cole said and Peach sighed.
“Perfect.” She said, unamused.
“Anything happen whilst we were gone?” Jay asked.
“Pearl’s been getting prank calls.” Peach said to which Pearl stiffened.
“What?” Cole laughed. Cherry swerved a kiss from Kai in his grimy state to which Kai reacted in outrage.
“You haven’t seen me in three weeks-“
“It was one, and some girl claiming to be your sister- she was outside and all. Used a fake name too-“ Pearl ranted and Cole froze.
“What-?” He said and Pearl nodded.
“I know-! But her name wasn’t Papita! It was some Y- thing, I can’t remember exactly-“ She said and Cole grabbed her, gently, by the shoulder.
“When was this?!” He questioned, alarm in his eyes.
“A couple hours ago- Cole!” He rushed out the room and the monastery. Pearl turned in shock.
“What just happened?!” Jay asked and Peach sighed.
“I think Pearl may have just left Cole’s sister out in the rain in a city she doesn’t live in.” Peach said, still unmoving.
“What?! Why would you do that?!” Jay asked.
“I didn’t know-! It wasn’t the name I was told-! Her name wasn’t Papita!” Pearl tried to defend herself.
“Oh my god- Papita is a nickname!” Jay said to which Pearl became speechless. “Her actual name is- uhm… Kai?!” Jay asked and Kai sighed.
“I met her a few years ago, it’s Y/n.” Kai said and Pearl’s hand found its way to her mouth, fast.
“Who’s Y/n?” Cherry asked.
“Cole’s sister.” Kai told her and she nodded.
“Where could she have gone?!” Pearl asked and turned immediately to Snowdrop and Zane.
“Her in-phone tracker says that she is in ninjago city.” Zane said and Pearl nodded, trying to process everything. How could she leave her sister-in-law out in the cold? What a great first impression.
“We have to find her!” Pearl said to which Peach finally sat up.
“This is bad.” Peach said and slid off the counter. “Let me know what happens.” She said, walking off and turning to the side to let Cole rush past on her out.
“My phone! Where’s my phone?!” Cole questioned.
“Bedside table!” Pearl said and followed him.
“I’m so sorry-! I didn’t know-“ Pearl apologised, frantically. Cole cursed at the dead phone and immediately put it on charge.
“She’s out there, all alone, in a city she doesn’t know-! This is all my fault! I should have been here.” Cole said, more to himself.
“You were on a mission-!” Pearl tried to justify but Cole ignored her.
“We were planning on coming home early- if I just hadn’t agreed to check out the east side-!” He cursed himself as he waited for the phone to have enough charge to turn back on.
“It’s my fault- I should’ve gone out there! I should’ve heard her out-!” Pearl said and Cole turned to her.
“Why didn’t you?” He asked.
“I don’t know- I just- with everything I thought it was what to do! I didn’t want to risk anything!” She said and Cole shook his head.
“How do you not know your sister-in-law’s name!” Cole asked and Pearl stumbled for an answer.
“You always call her Papita, I thought it was her name! I haven’t heard your call her anything else.” Pearl said and Cole sighed.
“It’s a nickname! It means little potato!” Cole said and Pearl shook her head.
“I’m sorry, I thought I was doing what’s right. Clearly, I wasn’t.” Pearl said and Cole sighed again. The phone lit up and he immediately unlocked it and scrolled to his contacts. Hitting one specific contact.
Volume: ■■■■■□□□
Chen took me to some diner. It was near here and we were the only two there. He had ordered us some water and had been speaking with the man behind the bar for a very long time. I couldn’t believe what had happened. Giving me a fake address? His wife yelling at me? He’s clearly been hiding a lot from me. I wondered if Dad knew. Pearl said that his family knew but I didn’t? I was part of that family. I might have to call Dad.
I tried not to jump when the drinks got sat down in front of me. Chen smiles and I had only just noticed the man had followed.
“This is my boyfriend, Reece!” Chen said and I smiled.
“I’m Y/n.” I said and the man smiled.
“Nice to meet you.” He said, politely. I nodded.
“Anyway, we were just wondering if you had any plans tonight, anywhere to go?” Chen asked and I shook my head.
“I don’t have a ticket back to Jamankai for another couple days.” I said and they nodded.
“Want to stay at ours? Until then, hotels around here are quite expensive.” Reece asked and I looked at both of them before nodding.
“Please…” I said and they smiled.
“Our apartment is above the diner so, you can put your stuff up there if you want?” Chen asked and I took a moment to consider how dangerous this is. They were strangers. Gay. But still strangers. They could kill me. We’ve been here for 20 minutes and no one has come in the diner since we sat down.
“Okay…” I said and Reece smiled before leading me to a door around the side of the kitchen which just led to a case of stairs. Reece unlocked the door and let me go through first.
“It’s not much but we don’t have much.” Reece said and I nodded. “The guest bedroom is this way!” He said, cheerily. He held the door open again for me and I looked around the room. There was a bed and a discarded vinyl player with some vinyls.
“There’s so many…” I said, not touching them, scared to get fingerprints on them.
“Oh yeah, Chen had a phase of being really into Jazz. Can you tell he was a theatre kid? Anyway-! We keep them in here because we don’t really use it anymore.” Reece explained and I nodded before the Vinyl next to the player caught my attention.
‘Lou Brookstone’s classics’
I smiled. I hadn’t seen any of my Dad’s albums in a long time. I used to love them. When Cole left and I came home for a few years, my Dad and I bonded over music and his stories of his band and his few classical hits. That life had since been forgotten and now he was a vocalist trainer and a piano teacher. I’d never seen my Dad look so proud and happy as I did when I told him what I had chosen to do my degree in. Those years were still rough. Especially without Cole. Dad had finally started sobering more and had joined Alcoholics Anonymous. I went with him sometimes. He said I reminded him of my mother. One night he slipped and got drunk again, he called me Lilly. That was my mother’s name. I was gone the next day. I went to stay in the college dorms. I should call him. He wasn’t a bad father. At least, he never had bad intent and he tries now. He sends me random musician’s biographies with notes and tags all over it for me to read and maybe gain inspiration.
“I’m going to call my Dad.” I said and Reece nodded.
“Was he a big fan of Jazz too?” He asked and I smiled.
“He’s Lou Brookstone.” I said and he gasped before nodding and walking away.
1 ring- line connected.
“Hello mon chou, it’s lovely to hear from you. Is everything alright?” His words were sincere.
“Hey… I’m in ninjago city.” I said and he made a noise of concern.
“Oh, that’s rather spontaneous.” He said and I nodded, even though I knew he couldn’t see it.
“I know… I came to see Cole.” I said.
“Ah, I see. How is he? I haven’t heard from him since he told me he married that girlfriend of his. Pearl. Very fierce woman, have you met her?” Dad asked and I paused for a moment. “Mon chou?”
“Uhm, not officially. He wasn’t home and I only spoke to Pearl over the phone… I’m at a friend’s house.” I said and he made a teasing noise.
“A girl friend’s house?” He asked and I felt my cheeks heat up.
“No… they’re guys. And gay.” I added quickly before he freaked.
“Okay… is everything alright? You don’t usually call me like this.” Dad pointed out and I sighed.
“I didn’t know Cole was married… and Pearl didn’t know who I was.” I said and he went silent.
“Your brother didn’t tell you? He- he said you and Pearl were going to meet a long time ago. At your graduation?” He pointed out and I tried not to cry.
“Cole didn’t come to my graduation. Neither did Pearl… you had food poisoning from that salmon place.” I said and he sighed.
“I’m sure your brother didn’t leave you for no reason… his job requires him to be on call at all times, you know that.” Dad told me and I shook my head.
“I don’t even know what Cole does other than security.” I said and he sighed.
“I see… well, I’m sure your brother will contact you soon. He’s not one to leave you worrying.” Dad said and I nodded.
“Okay, love you.” I said and I heard Dad chuckle.
“I love you too, mon chou.” The phone line disconnected and I sighed. I stared out the window for a while until a blue, massive dragon flew past it and made me scream. On the back of it, sat the water ninja. 4 more dragons followed and I couldn’t help the way my breathing sped up. I thought the ninja would be more in the main part of the city? I pulled out my headphones quickly and shut the door that had no lock. I wedged my bag between the door and the wardrobe so no one would be able to get in. I put my headphones in quickly before laying back down.
Volume: ■■■■■□□□
My phone buzzing made me open my eyes and freeze. I slowly raised my phone to look at the contact. Cole. I debated answering it. I really did. But then I remembered why I had came here in the first place.
“Hello?” I said and I heard a sigh of relief.
“Hey, it’s me. I’m- I was at work! I didn’t have my phone on me- are you okay?!” He asked and I paused.
“Yes.” I said, simply.
“Okay that’s good, where are you?! Ninjago city really isn’t the safest place, Papita.” Cole said and I took a deep breath in. Clearly.
“I’m at a friend’s.” I said and he went silent.
“Friend, what friend?” Cole asked and I paused.
“Chen and Reece.” I said and he didn’t sound happy.
“I’ve never heard of them- you’ve never told me anything about them.” Cole said and I looked out the window.
“I met them today.” I said and he made a noise of distress.
“Today?! And you’re staying there?!” He asked and I hummed in agreement. “Y/n, this is… that’s not safe. I’ll pick you up, see if we can find a hotel or I can see if I can clean up a room here- just-“
“I’m okay here. They’re nice.” I said and he started to sound annoyed.
“It doesn’t matter if they’re nice, you don’t know them!” He exclaimed and I laid back down. “They could be hiding anything from you!”
“Why didn’t you tell me you got married?” I asked and he went silent. “I’m not a kid anymore, Cole. You don’t have to protect me anymore. You don’t have to hide anything from me.” I said and he sighed.
“It’s not like that… I honestly forgot. It wasn’t like a ceremony or anything, we exchanged rings, we haven’t signed any papers yet! Just in traditional terms, we are married.” He said and I sighed.
“This is the first time I’ve left the house in 3 months.” I admitted and I heard his breath hitch.
“You don’t call, you don’t message and if I get a reply sometimes it’s not for months.” I said and he sounded even more stressed.
“It’s my job-! Sometimes I’m gone for months! I don’t mean to-! I’d love to see you again! See you more even!” He said and I looked to the street outside. That noodle stand looked really good.
“I haven’t seen you for 4 years. You’re like a ghost, Cole.” I said and Cole sighed.
“Can I please come and pick you up?” He asked but I ignored him.
“Why would you give me a fake address?” I asked.
“It wasn’t fake-! You have to go into the forest-!”
“Why didn’t Pearl know my actual name? Why don’t I know hers?” I questioned.
“I don’t know- I thought you both knew! I was wrong, okay! I want you both to meet. I want to see you. I want to know you’re safe. Let me pick you up.” He pleaded.
“I’ll message you my address tomorrow. If you’re not there, I’m going home and not my house! I’m moving back in with Dad.” I said and I heard the way Cole took a sharp breath in.
“Okay, fair enough. Send me it tonight and I’ll be there by 9am latest.” He said and I nodded.
“Fine…” it went awkwardly silent.
“Love you, Flump.”
“Bye.” I hated that nickname. I hung up the phone and rubbed my temples. I could smell that noodle stand. I’m getting it. With the last of my confidence, I will get it.
The noodle stand was actually further than it looked. And I chose a horrible time to go. It was getting dark, really dark, and the line was going down very slowly. Finally it was my turn.
“You’ll have to wait 10 minute, the next batch of noodles isn’t ready yet.” I nodded and sat on a bench. Directly under a street lamp. It was really dark now. And slowly getting colder. I looked up to see the man still stirring noodles and sighed. I looked up again to see him making a container for me and I shot up and watched as he put the sauce on top.
“4.65” He told me and I nodded.
“I’ll have what she’s having, it smells really good Pablo. I bet you can rival Chen’s noodles now.” That was a woman. I handed him the money and stepped to the side for her to move in. He put her noodles together quicker than I’d seen him server anyone. It wasn’t until I looked up did I notice that the woman was actually a ninja. She reached into one of the pouches on her gi.
“No! No! You know you don’t pay.” Pablo said and she shook her head.
“C’mon, I’ve been away for 3 weeks and I’m missing out on Pink’s curry which it really good. Let me pay.” She said and the guy shook his head.
“No. Payment comes in saving all our lives and the city.” He said and I didn’t want to interrupt them to tell them I had no chopsticks. So I decided to turn away and walk back home. Except I was more or less walking to the bench again. I wasn’t expecting her to sit next to me a couple moments later. I looked up in shock. This was a real life ninja. I met her eyes before she handed me a pair of chopsticks. I smiled in thanks.
“So what’s a pretty girl like you doing wandering the streets at night like this? Fella done you wrong? Or just hunger?” She asked, enthusiastically and I took a moment to respond. Perplexed that one- a woman was talking to me, two- a ninja was talking to me.
“Hunger… Fellas aren’t really my thing.” I said and she nodded.
“Me either. Well, not anymore.” She said and held her noddles up to cheers mine and I did it, awkwardly, but we did it. She chuckled. Before pulling her mask up and over mouth, I looked away quickly. She laughed. “Don’t worry, you won’t know who I am just from my mouth.”
“Okay… feels weird.” I said and she smiled. “Did you really call me pretty?” I asked, not sure what she had said as I was more in shock.
“Yes, or no- did it weird you out?” She asked and I smiled, shaking my head.
“No, it was nice.” I said the water ninja smiled.
“Then yes. And I’m serious.” She whispered the last part and I smiled harder.
“You’ve got pretty lips…” I said, hoping it didn’t sound weird or suggestive.
“Really? You from around here?” Fuck. It did sound suggestive.
“I’ve never been to ninjago before, I saw your dragon earlier… it was cool. Really scary- but cool.” I said and she smiled.
“Her name is Tidal. I can introduce you two if you want?” She asked and I shook my head.
“No, I don’t think I can handle meeting a dragon right now. Sorry” I said and she chuckled.
“No hard feelings. Dragons are intimidating, especially Peach’s dragon. Her dragon is massive! And powerful. Took down half an army of onis on her own with him.” She said and I nodded.
“I forgot about the Onis.” I said and the water ninja nodded.
“That was a tough fight.” She admitted. “Were you affected by them?” She asked and I shook my head.
“No, I live in Jamankai but I do have 3 locks on my door.” I said and she nodded.
“Not a bad idea.” She told me and I looked up at her. “I’m not going to lie to you, you should head home. Tonight’s quiet but this city is so unpredictable and I don’t think I’d be able to console myself if I heard that your pretty face got hurt.” She said and I flushed, warmth spread across my face and I just hoped she couldn’t tell how flustered I was as she pulled the bottom of her mask back down.
“I’m nearly done.” I said and she frowned.
“Wow, I should call you nibbles. You almost ate that quicker than me.” She joked and I smiled.
“I don’t think nibbles suits me then.” I said she tilted her head in thought.
“No, but dustbin isn’t as cute.” She said and I laughed, actually laughed.
“Okay, what can I call you then?” There was something so easy about talking to someone in a mask.
“Anything but squirt. My brother still calls me that and he’s almost 30.” She told me and I laughed.
“My brother calls me little potato and little cabbage.” I said and she laughed.
“What?!” She asked, amused.
“I refused to eat cabbage when I was younger so he started calling me that to spite me.” I said and she laughed again.
“My brother- fire- just calls every kid that. He still calls Green it.” She told me and I nodded.
“I’m done.” I announced and put my box in the bin.
“Hey, can I walk you home? It’d just make me feel more comfortable knowing you got home safe.” She said and I nodded.
“I’m staying right there!” I told her to which she frowned.
“The diner?” She asked.
“My friends own it, they live above it.” I said and she nodded.
We mainly walked in comfortable silence until we stopped outside the diner. The walk seemed longer, like we were both trying to stretch the moment.
“I guess I’ll see you around then, Nibbles.” The water ninja said to me and I smiled.
“See you later, squirter.” I said and she laughed.
“Squirter?!” She asked, dumbfounded.
“Because of the whole water thing…” I tried to explain before it hit me what is sounded like. “Oh no- not like that…” I tried to defend myself but she waved me off. “I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay. Just took me by surprise. Anyway, thank you for turning a boring patrol into a good night. I’ll be thinking of you and your cute face tonight.” She said and I smiled.
“Not that I could see your face, but you have a pretty mouth and eyes.” I said and she met my eyes. She looked smug. She winked and my face fell. This was real.
“Thank you, no one has ever said that before.” She said before disappearing into the dark alleys. Was that flirting? Did we flirt? Were we in love now? Why do I have the urge to ask her what we are?
“Did you just pull the water ninja?!” I heard a voice yell and I looked up to the see Reece and Chen, leaning out the window.
“Oh my god…” I said and rushed inside.
Volume: ■■■■■□□□
It wasn’t unusual for Nya not to talk to anyone after patrol. It wasn’t unusual for most the ninja to be catching up on sleep at this time. However, it wasn’t usual for her to bump into Jay around the monastery. He was sat on the counter, bowl of cheerios in his hands. The box itself had a cartoon ninja on. She smiled as she went in pouring a bowl for herself.
“Long patrol?” He asked and she shook her head.
“No, quiet actually. Almost boring.” She said and he laughed.
“Almost?” Jay asked, hinting something in his voice.
“Do you think it’s too soon? I mean… we were together for so long. Do you think it’s too early to even think about moving on?” Nya asked and Jay shook his head.
“No, I think it’s good.” He admitted, to her surprise. “I loved you, I really did Nya and not to say that I don’t still love you but it’s different. When we were good, we were great but… you were never as into me as I was to you, and now we know why. I don’t hold it against you. You shouldn’t hold it against yourself. You shouldn’t hold it against me.” He told her and she sighed.
“I don’t know why I feel so guilty, I was never taught what I am is wrong.” Nya told him and he nodded.
“Buts it’s not what you expect, think of for yourself. You’ve never looked at me the way you look at a girl and thats okay. We can still love each other without having a romantic aspect of our relationship. We’re family here, let’s just be family.” Jay said and Nya smiled.
“You’d be alright if started seeing someone?” Nya asked and Jay smiled.
“What if I’m already seeing someone? Would you be okay?” He asked and she laughed.
“Really?” Jay shrugged.
“I might be.” He said and she smiled.
“What’s her name?” Nya asked and Jay shook his head.
“No! No I’m not doing this! Because once you know, Kai knows and then Cherry knows and if Cherry knows, everyone knows!” Jay exclaimed and Nya nodded.
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry, I won’t ask again.” She said and Jay smiled.
“I think these cheerios are expired.”
“Yeah, me too.”
Volume: ■■■■■□□□
“Okay I have to pick Y/n up in like 20 minutes, Papita, in case you don’t know her actual name.” Cole announced to the team and Pearl rolled her eyes. “When she gets here, we’ve gotta act normal.” He announced and everyone protested.
“She doesn’t know you’re a ninja?!” Peach’s voice came out on top.
“No, and I don’t plan on telling her today.” Cole said.
“Not telling someone you love you’re a ninja? That always ends well.” Cherry commented to which Kai frowned.
“Even if we all act normal, how’d you suppose we hide the prophecies engraved in the walls? The frames of all of us in our gi? The senseis? The monks? The weapons? My dragon?!” Peach asked to which the dragon himself growled from outside.
“Lloyd was right about not keeping a dragon that can’t disappear by the way.” Kai said.
“Apologise, he saved your life.” Peach said.
“I’m not apologising to a dragon!” Kai argued.
“Apologise!” Peach demanded.
“No!” Kai protested.
“Apologise or I’m not talking to you.” Peach said and Kai shrugged.
“Don’t then!” Peach crossed her arms and faced away. “You’re not serious.” He said but she ignored him.
“I’ll be back in half an hour.” Cole said and kissed Pearl’s cheek before leaving.
Volume: ■■■■■□□□
“Thank you for letting me stay.” I said, turning go to both men as a battered truck, the one from the car park, parked itself outside.
“Anytime.” Chen said with a smile.
“Let us know if you need anything.” Reece said and I nodded before heading outside. I hadn’t seen him in years. Would he be mad? Upset? Annoyed that I even came here? I didn’t tell him, is that a problem?
Cole rushed out the truck and before I could even get a word out he pulled me into a tight hug, I returned it awkwardly before he looked me up and down.
“Have you grown or is it just me?” He asked to which I shrugged.
“I don’t think so.” He took my bag and smiled. I didn’t return it and just got in the car with him.
“I’ve uh- Pearl told me everything- Dad also rang me. She’s really sorry and he’s- he sounds good.” Cole said and I nodded.
“Are you?” I asked, he nodded.
“I was going to ask you that, are you serious about moving back in with Dad?” Cole asked and I shrugged.
“I can’t live alone anymore.” I admitted. “It’s getting worse.” I told him and he sighed.
“I’m sorry I can’t be closer.” He said and I nodded. But were you?
“Why… why can’t you?” I had to think about whether I wanted to know the answer.
“It’s… complicated. If that word even sums it up. My job is unconventional and- I’ll explain everything! -but it’s just hard to find the time to come back.” He said and I nodded.
“What is your job?” I asked as we stopped at a traffic light. He turned to look at me.
“To protect those who can’t protect themselves.” He told me and I paused. What the hell did that mean?
“What?” I asked and he laughed. “Are you a police officer?” I asked.
“No!” He laughed. “I’ll explain everything when we’re inside. The others have made it extremely clear that they won’t cover for me.” Cole said and I frowned.
“Cover what?” I asked.
“You’ll see.” He pulled into the abandoned parking lot where I had been the day before. When we got out he gestured for me to follow him into the forest.
A monastery. There was a monastery inside the forest. There were bald people outside doing chores. Monks. This place was massive. I followed Cole inside as the monks called him ‘master Cole’. It was an upgrade from McCole. Which was his nickname during his teenage years due to the fact he ordered McDonald’s almost everyday. He opened the door for me and let me walk beside him as we went down the long hallway. There were paintings on the wall and ceiling, massive paintings and it took seeing the painting of a gold figure fighting a black dragon with smoke coming off it to realise that they were paintings of the ninja and famous battles. They were murals not paintings. I looked down, not wanting to admit what might be happening here. We stopped at an archway. I looked up to see a small kitchen and then to the side and the bottom of the room was a massive living area with couches, a TV, a gaming console and many people. There was a couple on the couch, a brunette with very well styled hair and a very pretty girl whose own hair looked like it is being taken better care of than a newborn baby. There was another boy and girl on the couch although they were sat well apart with the ginger playing with a controller whilst the other girl, hair tied up high on her head as her bangs fell in front of her face, framing it perfectly. She wore a loose vest, showing off her sculpted arms and scattered tattoos. Mainly in the ancient language. That was hot. Reluctantly, I looked away from her to the two girls in the kitchen. One was eating a bowl of cereal whilst the other pulled out a tray of cookies from the other. The first girl had few scars lingering her bare arms and what looked to be a burn on her forearm and a scar on her exposed neck that looked like a bite mark. She might be a ninja. Somehow, her face remained untouched. The other girl slammed the tray down, making me jump and focus on her again. She was more dressed up than the others, well I think the girl with very nice hair was actually wearing a juicy tracksuit but she made it look like loungewear rather than an expensive tracksuit.
“How do you not burn them?!” The cookie girl complained.
“It’s only burnt on the corners.” The scarred girl said.
“You’d know all about being burnt.” The cookie girl insulted, the scarred girl hit her on the head lightly with her spoon. “Did you just get milk in my hair?!”
“I raised a dragon, what’s your excuse?” Scarred girl clapped back and Cole cleared his throat. Gaining everyone’s attention. Did she just say she raised a dragon?!
“This is Y/n, or Papita, as you may know her as.” I noticed how Cookie girl’s eyes hardened at Cole. The room went silent.
“Hi.” I said, awkwardly.
“Hey.” Scar girl said. Putting her bowl down and coming near me. “Nice to meet you.” She said.
“You too, what’s your name?” I asked. Was this Pearl? What would she do if she knew I called her scar girl in my head?!
“Everyone calls me Peach, nice to meet you Papita.” She said and I nodded.
“Y/n’s fine.” I said and she smiled.
“That’s Cherry, thats Pearl ,who you may know, and Snowdrops is around somewhere. She’s always around. You’ll catch on soon enough.” Peach winked but I didn’t catch on. Not yet at least. Was that not their actual names?
“So what’s your actual name?” I asked and she smiled, I heard Cole stifle his laugh.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” She said and walked away. The man with very good hair spoke up and I turned to them. Cherry was the one with really good hair. I knew good hair guy. I had met him before.
“Kai, if you don’t remember. Blabber mouth here is Jay and that’s Nya, my sister. Zane is around somewhere and Pixal is out right now. Lloyd should be home soon.” Kai filled me in and I nodded.
“Hi.” I said again, trying to avoid Nya’s eyes. She was staring hard at me. I turned to face Cole again who smiled.
“As you can tell, we all live together and work together. Lloyd’s the leader, Peach is his wife-“ I looked to Peach and watched as she disappeared in a pink, purple and peach haze that I had only seen on the news before and with the peach ninja. She appeared on the counter again, no bowl in hand this time. “-she’s special.” Cole said and glared, my own mouth hung in shock.
“Don’t be mad because I showed my party trick.” She said and Pearl smiled in amusement. It started to click. It shouldn’t have took a blonde man practically shoving past us clad in green to be my final push to realise everything. He stunk and had dried blood and mud on him and in his hair, the green clothing had been torn in places. He had a dual katana holster strapped to his back with actual katanas sheathed in. The walls looked like they were coming closer. He needed that many weapons for a reason? Was there a threat?
He apologised as he slid past, not noticing my impending panic. He dapped up Cole and leaned in to kiss Peach who didn’t look pleased after. She actually frowned in disgust.
“I’ve missed you too.” He said at her face.
“When was the last time you brushed your teeth?” She asked.
“I don’t want to talk about it- who’s this?!” He asked, pointing to me. Oh my god. This isn’t happening.
“Lloyd, meet Papita, my sister.” Cole said and Lloyd nodded.
“Nice to meet you, sorry I’m all dirty and everything. 3 week stake out.” Lloyd said like I was supposed to know what that meant. “Being a ninja is a lot less cleaner than you’d think.” He tried to joke but I’m pretty sure I had the thousand yard stare right now. Suddenly the green costume with katanas made sense. It wasn’t a costume. It was gi. A green gi.
“I can smell you from over here.” Cherry commented.
“You’re the green ninja?” I asked, well more stated.
“Who would’ve thought? Lloyd Garmadon.” Peach said and Lloyd rolled his eyes.
“You’re all ninja?!” I exclaimed. I looked back at Cole in alarm who looked away from me. Then I looked back at the others and Cherry looked at them all before breaking the silence.
“I’m not! But they all are.” She confirmed, she then hit Kai’s chest.
“Fire.” Kai raised his hand like it was an ice breaker game.
“Lightning.” Jay raised his hand next.
“I don’t need to say, do I?” Lloyd said, eating some multicoloured cereal with his bare hands out the box.
“Peach.” Peach and shrugged. Like it was obvious. I looked back to Cole.
“Earth.” He admitted, my eyes watered. What the hell was going on. Everyone looked towards Pearl.
“Pink. Who else would I be?” Pearl asked.
“Y/n, are you okay?” Cole asked. I felt ill. And my heart was racing. What the fuck was happening?
“Nya! You haven’t-“ Kai’s words distorted in my head as another person walked into the room. Well, what I thought was a person.
“Can someone please check my internal hatch, I believe there is something stuck in there I cannot see.” A tall, metal man said as he walked in the room and proceeded to open his stomach open like it was nothing. Only to reveal a bunch of wires and a few boxes that wires were coming in and out of. Safe to say, I passed out.
I am never leaving my house again.
#nya smith x reader#ninjago nya#nya smith#water ninja#ninjago#ninjago cole#ninjago zane#cole brookstone#earth ninja#jay walker#kai smith#lloyd garmadon#ninjago lloyd#ninjago kai#ninjago jay#ninjago wu#ninjago misako#ninjago garmadon#ninjago pixal#pixal borg
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I know what I am.
I am only eight years old, I didn’t really know what anything meant
some boys call me gay, other laugh
I was confused, i asked what it meant
they just laugh and run away
I am now ten years old. “I Kissed a Girl” by Katy Perry started playing in the car, but as soon as my mother heard it she turned it off immediately
she looks disgusted
I dont get it, whats wrong with Katy Perry?
I’m eleven now. all the girls in my class are asking about their celebrity crushes.
they all asked who mine was, but i don’t have one. i want to fit in.
I picked Joe Jonas. Everyone loved him in Camp Rock. they all agreed and i don’t feel stressed anymore, which told me i made a good decision
I just turned thirteen. I went to the mall with my family.
we passed by Victoria’s Secret. I can’t seem to understand why I cant stop looking a the models.
surely it’s because i want to look like them, i’m also just really jealous of how beautiful they are
I am finally fourteen years old. I made a new best friend, I love hanging out with her.
she has a cool lip ring, a blue streak in her hair, she smells like coconut.
why does my heart start racing when we accidentally touch hands?
just turned fifteen. i’m at a sleepover with my best friend. she kissed me when everyone fell asleep.
we talked for hours while she had her head laid down on my lap.
my mom always told me that being lesbian is a sin but this feels so right?
I’m seventeen now. i kissed a boy for the first time.
he grabbed me violently. it hurt.
why did kissing him feel so different? like it meant nothing?
i all grown up now. i started looking at dating apps, and swipe through all of the guys i see.
my friends point out all of the guys they think are cute. i couldn’t seem to agree with them at all.
why do i never find boys attractive?
im 20 years old. i invited a guy to my house.
we watched a movie and paused it not even twenty minutes in.
i made him leave and laid down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. why can’t i find any connections between me and the boys i meet?
just turned 21. i went on my first date with a girl.
it lasted for six hours! i smiled so hard all night they started hurting
i went home feeling on top of the world.
a few months went by and my sister told my family i went out with a girl.
of course my family thinks what i’m doing is a sin, that i’m going to hell. they told me they still love me but i will never have their support.
i cried so hard i lost my voice the next day.
a couple months later, i turned 22. i haven’t dated anyone since.
my family told me that if i ever married a woman, they wouldn’t go to the wedding.
my drive home was reckless. tears kept running down my cheeks while i gripped the steering wheel.
i’m still 22. i watched my closest friends get engaged.
theyre openly gay. i got a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach when they kissed or held hands.
i know what i am. i cant stay in denial any longer. and that’s okay.
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Ethan and Sawyer answer questions about themselves from this list: Make Me Admit Stuff.
Timeline: Second Year, Post-Attack
For context, Sawyer ran away to San Diego a few days after the funeral. Ethan flew out to CA to be with her.
(Both Ethan and Sawyer)
#3: Have you taken someone’s virginity?
Sawyer: “No.”
Ethan: “Yes.”
#6: What are you excited for?
Ethan: “For us to finally be together. No more pretending or denying how we feel.”
Sawyer: “Same. Though I wasn’t pretending or denying anything. My feelings for you were pretty obvious.”
Ethan: “You’re right. And I’m so grateful that you never gave up on this. On us.”
#10: What is the last beverage you had?
Ethan: “We went out for Italian tonight. I ordered a glass of red wine.”
Sawyer: “I had a mocktail. Something with lemon and raspberry, if I remember. I’m trying to avoid alcohol while I’m on certain meds…”
#12: Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?
Sawyer: “Yes. Several.”
Ethan: “What the hell are 'skinny' jeans?”
Sawyer: “Ethan, they're the kind that I wear. You know, the style that made you curse in frustration the other night as you tried to remove them.”
Ethan: “Ah, yes, I have a love/hate relationship with those jeans. But I think I have the technique down now. Unzip, fold down, and peel away.”
#13: What are you gonna do Saturday night?
Sawyer: “I was promised that if I changed out of my sweatpants and went to dinner with you, that I could pick the rest of the activities for the night.”
Ethan: “And I plan to keep my promise, Rookie. So? What will it be? Another rom-com, cuddling by the firepit, a walk on the beach? What do you want to do?”
Sawyer: “You. I want to do you.”
Ethan: “Well then, let me prove that I can be a man of my word.”
Ethan throws her over his shoulder and carries her upstairs.
#14: What are you going to spend money on next?
Sawyer: “A plane ticket back to Boston?”
She looks at Ethan.
Sawyer: “I think I’m ready to go home.”
Ethan leans forward and kisses her forehead.
Ethan: “Then I’ll be buying those plane tickets. We’re going home in first-class, baby.”
#17: Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?
Sawyer: “More and more, I’m realizing it’s Ethan. He knows what I’ve been through. He’s was there. Romantic complications aside, he’s always been there. He listens and doesn’t try to tell me how to feel. That’s what I need most right now. And even before the incident, he was always the first person I sought advice from. He just understands the current version of me better than anyone else.”
Ethan: “It’s been Sawyer for while now. Before her, I would say it was Naveen.”
#21: Are you in a good mood?
Sawyer: “Today … today has been one of the better days.”
She glances at Ethan for reassurance.
Ethan: “Yes…”
He looks lovingly at Sawyer and squeezes her hand.
Ethan: “It’s been a good day.”
#34: Listening to?
Ethan: “Josh Groban.”
Sawyer: “To be honest, I had Gone by Charli XCX and Christine and the Queens on replay for the past couple weeks. I was in a bad place. But now that Ethan’s here, I’ve gotten on the Josh Groban bandwagon. There’s something so soothing about his voice. On the good days, I’ve been listening to new stuff from LANY and Lauv. I have a few favorites from Jane and the Boy too.”
#36: Do you know where the last person you kissed is?
Ethan: “Yes.”
Sawyer: (points to Ethan)
#37: Do you believe in love at first sight?
Sawyer: “Lust at first sight, yes. But love at first sight? No. I think you have to get to know a person’s heart before you can say that you truly love them. I do believe falling in love can happen quickly though.”
Ethan: “Same.”
#47: Who was the last person to call you?
Sawyer: “My mom. She’s been checking in everyday since…it happened.”
Ethan: “Naveen. To also check on how Sawyer is doing–”
Sawyer: (covering his hand with hers) “And you…”
#55: Favorite type of fruit pie?
Sawyer: “That’s a tough one. I love cherry and apple. Not a big fan of peach. Hmm, if I had to pick just one, I’d go with Razzleberry. It’s a mix of raspberries, blueberries and blackberries. Though I do love lemon and key lime too. Really anything tart.”
Ethan: (distracted)
Sawyer: “Ethan? What about you?”
Ethan: (looks up from his phone where he was Googling Razzleberry pie recipes) “Oh, uh, Dutch apple.”
#61: Wear a bath robe?
Ethan: “No.”
Sawyer: “Only because I live with roommates. If I lived on my own, then no.”
#72: Ever win a spelling bee?
Sawyer: “No. It’s not that I’m a bad speller, but I’m more of a visual person. I have to be able to write it out and see that it’s correct.”
Ethan: “Yes, I won the spelling bee at my elementary school and then at the district level. I took second place in the regional competition.”
Sawyer: “Oh, so close…”
Ethan: “I would have gone on to state, but I threw the regional competition. My dad insisted on taking time off work to come and watch me compete. He had to work overtime to compensate. It was the same year my mom left. I hated when he worked late. I cared more about having him home in the evenings and on the weekends than I did about winning.”
Sawyer: “Aw, babe. You’re making me cry…”
#74: What is your favorite book?
Ethan: “Mine.”
Sawyer: “I can’t tell if you’re joking or not.”
Ethan: “I’m not. But I do also enjoy the author, Dr. Robin Cook. He writes medical thrillers. If I had to pick a favorite, it would be Chromosome 6.”
Ethan: “And you, Rookie?”
Sawyer: “Yours.”
Ethan rolls his eyes.
Sawyer: “I’m serious! I wasn’t lying when I said that I’m your biggest fan.”
#78: Who would you like to see in concert?
Ethan: “Believe it or not, I’ve never seen Placido Domingo perform live.”
Sawyer: “You need to cross that off your bucket list soon. He’s getting up there.”
Ethan: “So are the Back Sync Kids.”
Sawyer: “Ha. Ha. I’ve already crossed those ones off my list. Hmm… Oh, I know! Conor Maynard. His voice is incredible. I’d love to hear him live in concert someday.”
#79: What was the last concert you saw?
Ethan: “Garth Brooks.”
Sawyer: (snaps her head to Ethan in surprise and laughs) “That is not what I was expecting you to say.”
Ethan: “Naveen is a huge fan. When I heard that Garth’s tour was coming to town last year, I gifted him a pair of tickets for his birthday. He insisted that I go with him.”
Sawyer: “Did you wear a cowboy hat and boots?”
Ethan: “No.” (starts scrolling through this phone) “But Naveen did. He had the big belt buckle too. I have a picture here somewhere. What about you?”
Sawyer: “Justin Bieber.”
Ethan: (rolls his eyes)
Sawyer: “Hey! Don’t judge me. I went with my baby sister.”
Ethan: “Oh, I’m so judging you right now.”
Sawyer: (murmurs under her breath) “My mama don’t like you and she likes everyone.”
Ethan: “What?”
Sawyer: “Nothing. Next question.”
#80: Hot tea or cold tea?
Ethan: “Cold.”
Sawyer: “I’m not a fan of either. But if I’m sick and desperate for some relief, I’ll sip on some hot tea.”
#87: Ever won a contest?
Ethan: “Yes. Many.”
Sawyer: “Which one were you most proud of?”
Ethan: “All of the ones where I kicked Tobias’ ass.”
Sawyer: “Ethan.”
Ethan: “I’m kidding.”
Sawyer: (glares at him)
Ethan: “I’m mostly kidding.”
Sawyer: “For me, I won some science fairs when I was a kid. And I almost won the intern competition for the junior fellowship on the DT. I mean, I got the spot anyway, but I like to think that I would have won fair and square had the competition continued.”
Ethan: “You would have.”
Sawyer: “I think you were a little biased though.”
Ethan: “Goddamn right. But that doesn’t change the fact that you were still the best for the job.”
#92: Do you want to get married?
Sawyer: “Yes? I’ve always pictured myself married one day. But is it a deal breaker if I meet the ‘one?’ Not necessarily. For me, it’s not about the certificate or the title and name change. I just want the promise of commitment. And to be honest, most of my hesitation about getting married has more to with the actual wedding. My mother is a wedding planner, and the thought of her insisting on a huge, over the top wedding makes me break out in hives. If I get married, I want my wedding to be intimate and romantic. I want to be present and savor every moment with my partner. I don’t want to be the main attraction at a circus, dancing and performing for everyone else just because it’s 'tradition.’ Does that makes any sense?”
Ethan: (looks to Sawyer) “I didn’t used to think so. But one thing I’ve learned recently is…it’s impossible to know what the future will bring.”
(Sawyer only)
#7: What happened tonight?
Sawyer: "I decided earlier in the week that I was ready to go home. To Boston. Ethan and I are flying back tonight."
#13: What are you gonna do Saturday night?
Sawyer: "When we land in Boston, we're going back to Ethan's place. He's going to make us dinner later and we're just going to have a quiet night in. Tomorrow, I'll head back to my apartment and try to settle into some normal routine."
#18: The last time you felt broken?
Sawyer: "Now. I feel broken now. But I'm working through it. I feel like I'm being held together by duct tape at the moment, but at least I can function. That's an improvement over a couple weeks ago."
#19: Have you had sex today?
Sawyer: "No. Maybe later? I'm going back to my apartment tomorrow and Ethan goes back to work on Monday. I'm sure he'll be swamped for a while. Since I'm not sure when we'll be together again, I wouldn't mind making tonight count. If Ethan's in the mood, that is."
She shakes her head and chuckles.
Sawyer: "Who am I kidding? Now that he's not holding back, he's always in the mood."
#26: Is your current hair color your natural hair color?
Sawyer: “Right now, it is. I’m naturally a light brown with some reddish undertones. When I spend a lot of time in the sun, it lightens up a lot. But I usually help it along with blonde highlights. When I started at Edenbrook, I was much more blonde. Every once in a while I’ll change things up and go darker brown or slightly more red.”
#37: Do you believe in love at first sight?
Sawyer: “With people? No. With donuts, everything bagels, and pepperoni pizza? Absolutely.
#45: If you could, would you take back your last kiss?
Sawyer: "Not a chance.”
#68: Favorite Taylor Swift song?
Sawyer: "I'll admit I like Taylor, but I'm not really a Swiftie. I have 'The Archer' and 'Gorgeous' on my current faves playlist. 'Archer' has a cool vibe. And 'Gorgeous' makes me think of when I first met Ethan."
#81: Tea or coffee?
Sawyer: "Not really a big fan of either one, but if I had to choose? Coffee. Usually a mocha Frappuccino with either raspberry or peppermint and lots of whipped cream."
#88: Ever have plastic surgery?
Sawyer: "Yes."🍒
Timeline: Post-Series
(Both Ethan and Sawyer)
#4: Is trust a big issue for you?
Sawyer: “Do you mind if I answer for both of us?”
Ethan gestures for her to go ahead.
Sawyer: “Trust is a big issue for Ethan. He eventually trusted me enough to share why, and I totally get it. Trust is super important to me too, but I wouldn’t say it’s a big issue. I’m generally a pretty trusting person unless you give me a reason not to be. Ethan on the other hand? You have to earn his trust.”
Ethan: “Well said.”
#5: Did you hang out with the person you like recently?
Sawyer: “No-”
Ethan: “You wound me, Rookie.”
Sawyer: “You didn’t let me finish. I was going to say, no, I hung out with the person I love.”
Ethan: “My apologies. According to your reasoning, my answer would also be no.”
#17: Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?
Sawyer: “Ethan.”
Ethan: “Sawyer.”
Sawyer: “Really? I would have guessed yourself. You talk to yourself a lot.”
#23: Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?
Ethan: “Yes.”
Sawyer: “No. My dad has brown eyes.”
#33: Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?
Ethan: “I’ll drink a Coke once in a blue moon, but I’m not much of a soda drinker. Sawyer on the other hand…”
Sawyer: “I do love my Dr. Pepper. It’s like a comfort food for me. And for the record, I don’t drink nearly as much soda as he drinks coffee.”
#41: When was the last time you ate a cupcake?
Ethan: “It’s been a few months. I think it was at Hud’s birthday party in Minneapolis?”
Sawyer: “Today. Sarah brought them in for Marlene’s birthday.”
#48: Do you sing in the shower?
Sawyer: “Only if I’m home alone. I love to sing, but I know I’m tone deaf.”
Ethan: “I don’t sing in the shower.”
Sawyer: “But he hums.”
#56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
Ethan: “I wanted to be a detective.”
Sawyer: “I’ve shared before that I wanted to be lots of things. I went through so many phases including teacher, doctor, scientist, astronaut, surfer, rock star, and FBI agent. But I remember another one… when I was pre-teen I wanted to work at Disneyland. I thought it would be so cool to work at ’the happiest place on earth’ and meet people from all over.”
Ethan: “You would have made a beautiful princess.”
Sawyer: “Bold of you to assume I wanted to be a princess. But I know you’re just trying to be sweet, so I’ll forgive you.”
Ethan: “You’re right though. My apologies. So what did you want to be?”
Sawyer: “A princess.”
Ethan rolls his eyes.
Ethan: “Instead you became a very successful pain in the ass.”
#61: Wear a bath robe?
Ethan: “No.”
Sawyer: “When it’s just the two of us? No.”
Ethan: “What do you call the puffy robe you wear in the winter?”
Sawyer: “My David Gandy Wellwear duvet coat? That’s not a robe. It’s more like a snuggie. And I only wear it when you’re not around to cuddle with.”
#73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
Ethan: (locks eyes with Sawyer) “Yes.”
Sawyer: “Stop looking at me like that. You’re going to make me cry right now.”
(Sawyer only)
#16: Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?
Sawyer: (rubs her swollen belly) “Yep, I think a lot will be changing for me in the near future.”
#42: Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?
Sawyer: “Unfortunately, no. They are both on the other side of the country. But now that you have me thinking about it, I’ll definitely be giving them a call later to check in.”
#56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
Sawyer: “Everything! I went through so many phases. I wanted to be a teacher, a doctor, a scientist, an astronaut, a professional surfer, a rock star, an FBI agent…”
#91: Best room for a fireplace?
Sawyer: I think the aesthetic is cheesy, but I do love having a fireplace in the bathroom. I once stayed in a hotel suite with one of those two-sided fireplaces in the master bedroom and bathroom. It was so relaxing to soak in that tub and zone out as I watched the flames flicker.
Tag List: @potionsprefect @jamespotterthefirst @annfg8 @peonierose @socalwriterbee @tessa-liam @jerzwriter @quixoticdreamer16 @mysticalgalaxysstuff @inlocusmads @txemrn @trappedinfanfiction @mvalentine @takemyopenheart @openheartforeverinmyheart @coffeeheartaddict2 @genevievemd @starrystarrytrouble @hopelessromantic1352 @kyra75 @lsvdw-blog @rookiemartin @headoverheelsforramsey @zealouscanonindeer
#make me admit stuff#ask game#ethan x sawyer#ethan ramsey#sawyer brooks#open heart#open heart choices#open heart fanfic#ethan ramsey x mc#ethan x mc#choices stories you play#choices open heart#playchoices
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Speechless.
...This week, I obtained the remaining information about my Mom's life that had previously felt like a gaping hollow of unanswered questions. ...I know everything I wanted to know now.
Speechless that I cried, and wept, and bled for this for 20+ years because nobody would f****** tell me.
Imagine being there as it happened. Imagine knowing that something happened to your Mom but nobody has the courtesy to tell you anything because you're 3 and in foster care and apparently stupid and are told that you knew nothing anyway. I knew. Oh, believe me, I KNEW.
Imagine begging over the years to be given the grace of an explanation. Imagine being told over and over how "it happened so long ago" and how "it's not important anymore" and how "you've nothing to gain from this knowledge" and how "I don't want to talk about it anymore" and how "it makes no sense for you to want to know this." To be given snippets at best, lies at worst. To feel like the victim of a gigantuous conspiracy because nobody feels responsible and no one was there anyway and nobody knew her in detail anyhow.
I KNEW. I knew nothing. I had hunches. Made observations. Felt beyond memories. I KNEW. CLOSE TO EVERYTHING I SUSPECTED TURNED OUT TO BE TRUE. I didn't know facts, but I very well knew vibes. Dynamics. Imprinted, intuitive guesses. I wasn't THERE, but I WAS there.
It felt criminally, morally wrong to dig because of everyone's judgment around me. Wrong to stand at her grave for the first time aged 21, because my father didn't want to go there. Wrong, to find her family four years later, just down the street from her grave, and that same grave wiped out by the authorities because too much time had passed. Wrong to keep digging in the face of everyone's pain and awkwardness around her. Wrong to be her daughter because she hurt a lot of people but she passed me so many great traits, I LOVE being her daughter. Wrong because the story isn't pretty, and why would I trade the fake fairytale that my Dad built us for the ugly truth. Why be ungrateful like that, right? Nobody is that insane.
But to me, the truth matters more than a pretty foam bubble of a life.
I turned to public office records and I have rest now.
I was emotionally, and physically present for EVERYTHING. I just couldn't process the facts because yes, maybe I was a little small for all the facts but I also wasn't given anything to work with; wasn't trusted with any of it; even when I became older.
I had to walk her streets and trace her steps and read her files to discover that I understand nearly EVERYTHING about her. I never knew her but I know her nonetheless. I know how she thought, how she fought, how she lost. God, forgive us. For letting her become like that, for not helping her, for not cleaning our shit up after it went down. My Dad just... walked on. This cost me 20 years of my life.
How to not be angry at that wasted time, how to not mourn every lost opportunity in life when my deficits stare me in the face every other day or so, when I have not and can't do what others have and do, I don't know. This cost me money. Savings. Social aptness. Experiences. Life skills and work skills. Playfulness. Knowledge. Fun. Physical and mental health. Friends. I feel like a middle schooler when I'm about to near my thirties. God, I still have nightmares from the bullying. What good is it to have cleaned up this part of my life when I'm still lagging behind in multiple areas of my daily routine? How is a romantic partner EVER supposed to understand what this is like and what I sacrificed to maybe be able to have a proper, healthy relationship someday? God, why am I so slow? I don't even know what I wanna be professionally, realistically. I've begged and cheated and hem and hawed my way through life and around these questions because there WAS NO REALISTIC FUTURE POSSIBLE until now. Whenever I supposedly made goals, I LIED. There were no goals, not with that hell up my brain. When I said that I couldn't work, I meant it. Yes hello what can I do you for today also do you know perchance where my Mom died. Yeah. Forget it. That program was constantly running in the background of my mind and taking up all the RAM. No way to reliably focus on the present, ever.
God, I made it. It's done. A couple more therapy sessions and maybe I can finally LIVE. I'm gonna lay flowers at her death site and be ok. I hope. This week I reached another milestone, and I keep hoping that this is the final one. But God, what did it cost. For knowledge that I got within half a week. From e-mails with a handful of lines. God knows how we'll make up for this shit. Dear God, have mercy. Oh well.
Listened to "After the Storm" by Mumford & Sons and promised I would play it again when the time came.
There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears
Get over your hill and see what you'll find there
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair
God, I think the time came.
#wherethekiteflies#life#update on reddie's life#still shocked that if a little more time had passed; maybe some more archives would have been wiped#and I would've known NOTHING#I'm beyond lucky to have scraped them when I did
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Piarles + 21 ❤
hi anon <3 this got out of hand but i need to stop pretending my piarles ficlets won't get out of hand. so.
enjoy this uni/roommates AU for piarles + love confessions :)
Every year, the English department held their annual Valentine’s Day carnation sale. And every year, Charles and Pierre’s dorm filled with carnations with anonymous messages. Most of them were addressed to Charles, but Pierre was more than satisfied with the amount of flowers he received - especially since Charles always seemed overwhelmed by his mountain.
“I do not understand what the point of sending it anonymously is. How am I supposed to know who is in love with me if they don’t even sign it?” Charles asked each year, exasperation and bewilderment clear on his face. Pierre would be lying if he said that he didn’t find it adorable.
Pierre would also be lying if he said that he hadn’t been sending Charles a carnation each year, adding one more to the massive bouquet his roommate amassed.
It had started as a joke their first year. Pierre stopped by the table on his way to class, typed out a line from a poem he enjoyed, and went about his day.
“I look at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world”
He thought it would be funny for his roommate to receive a carnation from an anonymous suitor. Pierre would pretend to help him figure out who it was, and then eventually he’d admit to sending it as a joke.
He didn’t know that his roommate would receive so many that it was pointless to try to hunt down the sender.
He also didn’t expect that somewhere along the way, he’d start to actually develop a crush on his roommate.
Their second year, he sent another carnation, with another line from the same poem.
“the fact that you move so beautifully more or less takes care of Futurism”
Charles wasn’t much of a poetry reader. Pierre figured he wouldn’t catch on.
Their third year, he sent another carnation, another line from the poem.
“what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank”
Pierre watched as his roommate read each of the carnation messages. Charles’ expression remained neutral as he read through them, and Pierre felt a slight pang of disappointment.
Their fourth and final year, Pierre decided that he needed to be brave. He was going to sign the message this year.
Their plans weren’t solidified for post graduation yet, and this could be his final chance to tell Charles how he felt. Four years of living together had given him plenty of opportunities to be honest with Charles, but he had never been brave enough to take that leap.
He typed out one last line from the poem, and below it,
“it seems they were all cheated of some marvelous experience which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I’m telling you about it
I love you
-Pierre”
The carnations and messages were always delivered on Valentine’s Day.
Pierre saw the two stacks of flowers sitting outside his dorm room when he got back from class, which meant that Charles wasn’t back yet. They had an agreement not to read any of their messages until they were both home, celebrating the holiday with their carnations and the candy that Charles’ mom sent them every year.
Pierre placed the flowers on the table, pleased that the piles were pretty equal this year.
Charles arrived home shortly after and rolled his eyes with a laugh when he saw the piles of flowers. Pierre suddenly felt nervous — the weight of his confession feeling real now that his message was on the table amongst the rest.
Pierre grew even more nervous as Charles expression remained neutral as it did every year. Had he seen Pierre’s message and ignored it? Had his flower not been delivered?
They were each down to one flower, one last anonymous message. Pierre pulled the tag off his carnation and read the message.
“Would you like to have a Coke with me?
I love you
-Charles”
He looked across the table, making silent eye contact with his roommate.
Charles was smiling, his eyes shimmering. He grabbed his backpack off the floor, unzipped the small pocket at the front, and pulled out three slips of paper. He slid them across the table to Pierre.
Pierre looked down at the papers. They had obviously been handled a lot — creased with folds and slightly tattered at the edges, like Charles had been carrying these slips with him for a while.
He picked up one of the slips and saw the message he had sent Charles a year ago. He picked up each of the other slips, and found that they were his messages from the first and second year. He looked back at Charles with wide eyes.
“I looked up the poem and I saw you had one of Frank O’Hara’s books on your bookshelf. I wasn’t sure if it was you, but I…figured it was worth a shot anyway,” Charles said softly, tentatively. “But now,” he added, sliding the final slip of paper over to Pierre with a smile.
————————————
Five years later, the officiant read Having a Coke with You by Frank O’Hara during their wedding ceremony.
#thank you logan for sharing this poem with me <3#it is now canon piarles i don't make the rules#piarles ficlet#f1 rpf#send me all of your valentine's day prompt requests!!!!
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( Feel free to not respond to this, I just need somewhere to vent because I don’t know what to do ). I’ve been in a relationship with my best friend for years ( since we were 17 and I’m 25 now ), and I want to end it. I want to break up, but I’ve never broken up with anyone before, and it breaks my heart to think about doing it, but I know this relationship isn’t right for me. It’s not bad, or unhealthy, or toxic. It’s just dead. And oddly enough, when TTPD came out and I heard all these songs Taylor wrote about Joe and feeling like the relationship was dead and there was nothing left to revive, it resonated with me deeply. We don’t act like a couple anymore. We only act like friends, but I feel we’re clinging to something that doesn’t exist because the other option is loneliness, but I’m at a point where I’d rather be alone than be in this. And I feel like he knows it too, but maybe he doesn’t and I almost wish he was breaking up with me instead so I can be free of this. And I feel bad because I’ve felt this way for months now, but I don’t know how to do it. I cry about it all the time because I’m so lost. I cry because I don’t want to lose my friend. I cry because I’m mad I gave my youth to this. I cry because I just want it to end. I cry because I think I’m going to be stuck in this forever. I cry because what if I end this and I realize there’s no one else out there for me, but that’s entirely selfish. I don’t know what to do… It’s eating me up.
oh bestie.... I don't know if you sent me this ask because you knew this, but went through this exact thing. this literal exact thing. I got into a relationship when I was 15/16, and when I was 22 I felt the EXACT way that you're describing. There was no love. there was nothing left. We too were a couple that just acted like friends (and I guess had sex sometimes, but even that was lacking).
It was just all I knew and the life I'd accepted, and how could I leave the only thing I knew? I also felt lost. I also clung onto it for months. I also had no idea what the fuck to do. I also felt, and still feel, like SO much of my youth was completely thrown away for nothing. I also thought no one could ever know me that well, or nothing could ever be what that was, because it was virtually impossible for anyone to see me through that much of my life and therefore for anyone to even know me as well. This is a bit of a tangent / random anecdote, but it'll matter later: my mom treated me like shit my whole life, and he was the only person who had seen me through high school, aka the time I lived with her. It was an active thought in my brain, all the time: no one would ever understand me like he did, because no one new could ever see my youth firsthand like he did. I'm sure there's a lot of experiences and like, things you've been through that you can apply this to. And the whole time I was going through this I thought, how could I live without the ONE person who was capable of understanding me so fully?
I clung onto that relationship for about a year after I knew it was dead, hoping the bad parts might be a phase or something might change. But what I knew in my gut at 21 was still true at 22. And the extra time I spent holding out only made things worse. I have felt like a very unloveable person for a lot of my life, for a lot of reasons. I'm not sure how long you have followed this blog, but you may have beared witness to a lot of those feelings in real time. I'm not gonna lie, there was a very THICK period of about 2 years where those feelings got worse. But as Taylor our beloved once did, I ultimately decided that the right thing was to bet on myself, and my future. So I did.
There is no feeling in the world like getting to be an adult on your OWN, really by yourself for the first time. I don't think there is ever a time that's too late for that, and I know 25 is a bit older than 22, and I know that probably FEELS very old in this exact moment, but think about how much life you have before you: it's not too old, and it's not even close. I, now at 28, only 3 years older than you, feel like 25 is SO damn young. There is no feeling in the world comparable to being out of a relationship that was all you'd known your adult life, and making your own decisions and navigating the world and making mistakes and living for no significant other, nothing but just you. It really, really is like being happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time and in the best way, and it really is MAGICAL. The lost-ness suddenly becomes so liberating when your future stops feeling like walls closing in on you in a relationship you don't want and feel stuck in, and instead that lost-ness is more of feeling like you're lost in a meadow, but could run in any direction as far as the eye can see, without a map or trails or anything to guide you. That type of lost is scary. It's so fucking scary. But it's also so LIBERATING. There was an initial couple-month trench that I sank into after the initial fallout of this breakup, the "what the hell have I just done" of it all, but there was no feeling in the WORLD like what came after. Even the bad times in that facet of my life, the desperation I felt and the heartbreak and confusion I went through, I still regard, 5/6 years later, as the most wondrous thing that's ever happened to me. There was such a beauty in it. There was such a beauty in navigating the world like that for the first time, and making mistakes and having experiences and hookups and silly small heartbreaks and new big ones that so many early/mid 20's adults have that you probably haven't had yet. I really think those are important things to go through in terms of living life, as well as in terms of truly getting to know the person that you are, and finding the person that you will be for the rest of your life. That's all ahead of you. Aspects of that are ahead of you whether you go through with this breakup or not, but I think the most freeing and whimsical aspects of it are there if you do.
Now that's all to say: like I said, for 2 years after I went through with this breakup, I felt very unloveable and like I would never find my person. Not like I'd made a mistake, because after a while I realized I'd never want that guy back, but that I was doomed to be alone forever without my best friend and without someone who truly saw and understood every facet of me the way that that guy could. And do you know what? After 2 years of feeling that way, I found my boyfriend and entered my current relationship. I am so fucking happy in this relationship. I feel so loved every day. I feel so cared for, and there is so much romance that does not seem like it will ever fade away. Every time it does or every time we have an issue, he fixes it. I have the kind of relationship where I used to look at couples and think, 'damn, it's a shame that that will never be me'. It is me. And do you know what? Something worse wound up happening with my mom, many years after the fact. And this guy saw me through that, and in the end, he turned out to actually have a deeper understanding of, and a greater empathy for, what I went through than my old boyfriend ever could've. I could've never predicted that at the time when I was still with the old bf, when recounting all the things he'd seen me through and the reasons why I couldn't leave him. You never know where life will take you, and you never know what things might happen that could completely override some of the concepts of familiarity and understanding that you are probably clinging onto in regard to a relationship that has lasted your entire life (and I'm sorry if this is putting words in your mouth, but that feels to me to be a very obvious struggle when leaving a relationship that's lasted a period like this one in particular). I don't know if you've ever heard of the sunk cost fallacy, but it's basically that you should never spend on something JUST because you've already spent on it, because that'll push you into an endless black hole of spending. And I think that applies very well to spending your life with someone just because you've already spent a lot of it.
There is light at the end of the tunnel bestie. I promise you that, with every fiber of my being. I know it feels like you're jumping off a cliff, but I'm telling you, there's a giant trampoline and someone that will someday catch you at the bottom. And, in my opinion, it's a lot better to jump off than to face the walls closing in on you at the top. I love you and I believe in you. I hope this helps.
#I'm not gonna lie I am slightly intoxicated right now#but this really really really tugged at my heartstrings and I really don't want to pull a 'saying I'll respond to this later and then inevi#because I care about what you're saying so much so#ugh my heart is with you so hard#I know I KNOW how hard this is more than like. most people I think#so anyways please bear with the maybe intoxicated and also just overly passionate nature of this answer#I hope some nuggets of it help you
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