#nothing against fanfic i write it occasionally and read it for a couple fandoms but im just not interested in that on this blog

[skelliewrites]

How do I find other writers on here who aren't pearl clutchers obsessed with pure and wholesome 'relatable' characters and are adults who write and read things other than YA and fanfic?

Would love to follow other writers in their 30s and older specifically, but anyone over the age of 21 would be fine too.

[lordsisterxotome]

By Firelight (Mozart x Reader) NSFW

Fandom: Ikemen Vampire

Pairing: Mozart x Reader

Warning: Smut! 

Intended Audience: Female Audience

Word Count: 1,704

Requested by: @justdidabadthing​

Other Notes: First post on my new sideblog, yay!!! I was seriously inspired by an ambience video while writing this. It was fantastic so here’s a link to it to listen to while you read --> Elegant Bedroom Ambience

Disclaimer: I do not own Ikemen Vampire or any of its characters. All of that goodness is the property of Cybird. I do, however, own the plot of this fanfic. Please do not repost this on any other website.

Tag list: @puffpuff300​

If you would like to be tagged in future works, message me!:)

       Bare bodies cuddled closer, ever-longing for each other’s warmth despite the fire roaring in the large grate and the silk covers long since thrown off. Firelight flickered against the creamy walls and furnishings and outside a heavy snow fell, blanketing the earth in white. Candles flickered faintly in the chandelier and on wall sconces, bathing the room in a warm orange glow.

       Except for the occasional crackling of the fire, all was silent, the couple on the magnificent bed basking in the after-glow of another round of passionate love-making. Long fingers rubbed circles into your bare shoulder as your lover watched the firelight dance against your naked skin. Shivering, you cuddled closer, enjoying the feel of Mozart’s chest rising and falling against your own with each breath. A lazy smile tugged at the corners of your lips as the arm around you tightened, his hand stroking the curve of your hip.

       This wasn’t either of your rooms. In fact, you weren’t even at the mansion right now. Mozart had been invited to play at a ball for a friend of le Comte’s, the invitation including a night’s stay at their estate as an honored guest. It had been a day-long carriage ride to reach the palatial estate out in the countryside, during which your lover had held your hand the entire time, tense shoulders relaxing a little when you cuddled up to rest your head on his shoulder. You had blushed when his hand found your thigh to give it a meaningful squeeze, perfect lips easing into a smirk as he wrapped an arm around you to pull you firmly against him.

       As usual, he performed beautifully, enchanting the other party-goers with his graceful looks and magical fingers, and the more you watched, the more the butterflies in your stomach fluttered. The coil of anticipation in your stomach wound tighter as the evening went on, Mozart’s hands on you every spare moment he had. It didn’t help that your gown was off the shoulder, leaving ample opportunity for his talented digits to ghost over the exposed skin deliciously. The little touches and squeezes, seeming perfectly innocent to anyone who could have caught a glimpse, were anything but, making your pulse accelerate as your lover charmed you all over again.

       His hand had gripped your side softly as you finally bid your host goodnight and were escorted to your room, your body warming in response to his as he walked close beside you down the hall. It sent shocks through you when his fingers tapped an impatient rhythm into your side, knowing how those fingers could play your body just as well as piano keys.

       To everyone in attendance he seemed like the perfect gentlemen, but you barely had a chance to appreciate the luxurious room before he was on you, tearing through the lacings of your dress to get to your bare skin. Falling onto the bed with you, Mozart made love to you in a flurry of limbs and teeth and fangs before carrying you to the bathroom where he drew a bath in the grand, claw-footed tub and made love to you there too.

       The soft orange light of the fire threw your shadows against the wall as he made love to you over and over again, bodies entwining until it was unclear where you ended and he began. You had long since lost count of how many times you had screamed his name tonight, your voice echoing back at you as pillows and sheets fell to the floor or water sloshed over the curved edge of the tub. His heat had long since pervaded your mind and body, leaving you feeling wonderfully full and loved as you rested against him, but he didn’t seem finished for the evening as his voice broke the quiet.

       “Let me make love to you again,” he murmured, a familiar desire pooling in the pit of his belly and suffusing his limbs with heat. His constant need for you surprises even him, but he isn’t complaining so long as you're his and he’s yours. Looking up, you answered him with a long kiss, letting him roll you onto your back as he took his place above you once again tonight. You could never deny him, especially when you knew your need for him would never be sated for long. Mozart was ethereal as it was, but in the firelight he looked angelic, all haloed yellow and orange and silver. There was nothing angelic about the raw hunger in his eyes now though, the need dulled only a little by how many times he had already taken you tonight.

       Your inner thighs are still sticky with his last release and Mozart purred as he watched his seed seep from within you. Pale hand grasping his flushed cock, he stroked himself a couple of times before positioning the inflated head against your heat. He slides into you easily and you sigh, closing your eyes as your body tingles pleasantly. You don’t think he’s ever made love to you so many times in one night before, and there’s a slight burn as his hips meet yours, his cock fully seated inside of you.

       The pace he sets is slow, a gentle roll of his hips against yours as your walls massaged his length. Soft sounds of skin slapping against skin fill the room and his breath fans across your face. Lips descend on the sensitive spot just below your ear and your arms wrap around him to hold him close. Tilting your head back to give him better access, you moaned softly as the force of his thrusts changes - still gentle, but more punctuated now - slowly working your spent body towards release. 

       His pleasured groans as your walls squeeze him are music to your ears, rivaling his piano playing in beauty. Your neck and chest are already covered in his marks, but he eagerly adds more, drawing a mewl from you as he takes a sore nipple into his mouth and sucks softly. You feel so good, so tender and loved, and it brings tears to the corners of your eyes. How can he still make you feel so good when you physically shouldn’t be able to handle it anymore? Every touch, every gasp, every look has you going crazy for him. 

       This moment feels like a fairy tale, your silver prince loving you so softly it brings tears to the corners of your eyes as the snow falls in heavy flurries outside. Why does it make you so happy to realize you’ll wake up in this room with him in the morning? The mere idea of him being the first thing you see come daylight has your heart skipping, and you smile against his skin as you turn your head to nibble at his jaw and ear. 

       “You’re so beautiful,” he whispers in your ear as his member continues to delve into you, sending shivers down your spine as you gasp and moan for him. “You feel so good, meine liebe. Mmm, I don’t think I’ll ever have enough of you.” 

       The over-stimulation from so many previous orgasms has you nearing your peak all too soon when you wish you could stay in this moment of tender love-making forever.

       “Wolf!” you murmur breathlessly, warning him of your impending release, but he already knows. He knows your body better than you do. He can feel it in the way your core tightens around him, see it in the way your eyelids flutter and breath catches in your chest. His tongue laps at the wounds on your neck, a phantom pleasure of that brought by his fangs making you cry out softly. Mozart’s already had his fill of your blood tonight and fears taking anymore will make you pass out. Right now he just wants to feel you come around him, wants to see the effects of his passion on your body. 

       With a thrust that buries him as deeply inside of you as he can reach, he triggers your climax. A soft cry leaves your lips, feeling his hips stutter as your walls clamp down on his throbbing cock. Burying his face in the crook of your neck, he cums inside of you with a muffled groan, his heat warming your insides for the final time tonight.

       Mozart collapses panting on top of you, spent cock chased by his cum as it slips from your folds. You slip a leg around the back of his knee, holding him in place as his head rests against your breasts, hands rubbing circles into the skin of his back. He’s never felt more loved than he does right here, held in the arms of the love of his life, his muse. Already, new melodies bloom to life in his mind, all of them stemming from you, but he doesn’t move to write them down. To do so would be unthinkable when he’s so happy it aches.

       Moving just enough to look up at you, he cups your cheek in his palm, a thrill of delight racing through him as you lean into his touch. Whether you know it or not, he’s always trying to tell you how precious you are to him through his music, each note dedicated to the love you inspire in him every day. 

       “I love you,” he murmurs, nose brushing yours as he brushes strands of hair off of your forehead. The look in his eyes is so raw, so tender, it’s hard to believe he ever looked at you so coldly when you first met. There’s love in every line of his face as he gazes at you, lips parted in awe and violet eyes shining with love as your hands reach out to draw him in for a smiling kiss.

       “I love you too, Wolf.”

       The words aren’t enough, not for either of you. To put what you feel into three words so simple feels odd, but it’s all you have. 

       Firelight continues to dance off the walls as you and he fall into a blissful sleep and the snow continues to fall like powdered sugar outside, the warmth of your love staving off any chill.

[laelior]

30 Questions

Tagged by @ljandersen (thank you, lovely!)

What the hell, why not?

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 5 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better.

Name/nickname: I go by one most of the time.

Gender: Female

Star sign: Virgo

Height: 5′3″

Birthday: *Points to star sign*

Time: 1306

Favorite bands: Flogging Molly, Breaking Benjamin, Muse, Rise Against, Tacocat, Pentatonix, Queen, a lot of different bands

Favorite solo artists: Regina Spektor, Hozier, teenage me wants to be sure to mention Tori Amos, too.

Song stuck in my head: “Paint It Black” by the Rolling Stones

Last movie: Princess Mononoke, I think? Been going through the Miyazaki films with my kid, so probably that one.

Last show: The Expanse, and I could absolutely go on about this season forever.

When did I create this blog: A surprisingly complicated question. Originally around 2011-ish, I think, when a lot of folks were leaving LiveJournal for it, but I did precisely nothing with it until early 2017-ish when I started connecting with other fanfic writers on here. 

What do I post: Mass Effect, Star Wars (mostly Rebels), Dragon Age, and occasionally photos of pretty landscapes and other fandoms like The Expanse and Lord of the Rings.

Last thing googled: soil strength landslide susceptibility. Only I badly misspelled susceptibility and google thought I meant suspicious. Mine is such a thrilling life.

Other blogs: No. I am monoblogamous.

Why I chose my url: It’s the name I write fanfiction under.

Following: 100-ish

Followers: Also 100-ish

Average hours of sleep: Not enough

Lucky number: 13

Instruments: Voice, piano, violin, tin whistle 

What am I wearing: Jeans, Rocinante T-shirt, hoodie

Dream job: If I could just drop everything and do what I wanted, I’d pursue a PhD in tectonic geomorphology because that field absolutely fascinates. Or planetary geology. I mean, how cool would that be?

Dream trip: So many places I love to go, but right now I have a totally unrealistic yearning to go backpacking the Pacific Crest Trail

Favorite food: You’re really gonna make me choose, huh? I refuse. I love too many foods to pick a favorite. It’s like picking a favorite child. That said I wouldn’t be averse to committing a felony or three for a good panang curry right now.

Nationality: American

Favorite song: Don’t really have one. Lately I’ve been listening “Work Song” by Hozier and “Samson” by Regina Spektor on repeat so I guess those qualify?

Last book read: Slowly working my way through The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms by N.K. Jemison and Growing a Revolution by Dave Montgomery, which is a wonderful antidote to my growing cynicism about imminent soil crises.

Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in:  

1. Star Wars (Tales of the Jedi era!)

2. Mass Effect, maybe, depending on whether Death By Reaper is imminent.

3. I’m gonna go ahead and say The Expanse because it’s on my mind right now even though it’s really kind of a crapsack world. 

I am pretty sure I already saw most everyone who typically does these kinds of things do this so I’m only going to tag a couple of folks. @hawkeykirsah, @out-of-the-embers, @ellenembee? Only if you want to!

[aelaer]

[1/2] Now this is an actual ask as in asking for help. 👀 I have a problem with Steve and Tony. I spent too much time too early on reading anti/not-friendly post-CW fics about 'Team Cap', and because of that I have been unable to see Tony as a flawed human or Steve as a good person. It's a pattern I've become too familiar with, and even recent stories are often going into that sense. I have been trying for some time now to do something about it, but either the method was bad, or I couldn't

(I tagged a couple people in this post – if you were tagged, the question directed to you is wayyyy at the bottom! Feel free to ignore of course.)

You really hit me with a doozy with this ask. I might offend someone for not thinking the exact same way as them with… everything this topic entails… Steve, Tony, anti-fics. Followers from last year know what happened last time I talked about poor and OOC characterization in fanfic, lmao. Beware The Easily Offended! This Is A Critical Thinking Of Your Hobby Zone! I Am Being Critical Of Specific Types of MCU Fanfic!

Please don’t click the read more button if you can’t handle an opinion that might not match yours. Really. I’m fine with discussing different opinions in a mature manner but if you have issues with people saying they don’t like a specific type of plot, this post is not for you. (The read more button doesn’t appear on the original post for followers using the mobile app, but it works on desktop and in all reblogs. If you don’t see a cut and don’t want to read, just skip it, please).

Yeah. Okay. Moving on. Can’t say folks weren’t warned.

I’ve had this in my drafts for several weeks because of the abuse I got the last time I wrote something critical about certain plot points used in fanfic. I was definitely a bit reluctant to look at this specific topic from an analytical and critical look as I remembered that, but hey, it’s really easy for a coward to use a sockpuppet account and throw abuse. It’s harder to be a minority voice with stark opinions contrasting the popular trend. I’m okay with having a minority opinion amongst the MCU fandom.

(PS - you’re welcome to disagree with my opinions, so long as you’re respectful about it. Remember there are individuals behind the screens!)

Concerning Character Flaws

So the thing about really well-written characters is that they are flawed in some manner. Anyone who thinks Tony or Steve exist without flaws – and I mean real flaws, like arrogance, believing they’re always right, short tempers, and other *real* character flaws that both of these characters have – well, if they don’t think they exist with these flaws, how well do they know the character?

You don’t have to know a character well to be a fan of said character – there’s no rules about that – but if you’re going to write fanfic, and that fanfic entails the character you love against a character you don’t particularly like, I’d say any writer looking to do anything resembling a good job would do their due diligence in figuring out the strengths and weaknesses of both characters before writing the characters themselves. These mental lists of characteristics should be equal for both characters. No, “good abs” is not a character strength if you have no physical aspects in the other character strength column. You don’t have to like a character to still write them well.

Even professionals don’t follow this rule when, say, shows get new writers or comics get different writers, so you might consider me silly expecting those dabbling in fan fiction. But yeah, if an author wants me to take a story seriously as something with quality, I expect the characters to resemble themselves in some manner.

(This level of resemblance varies when you purposefully choose for the protagonist to be evil, be in a completely different time period, etc, but authors who do this *well* still get core personality traits solid, even if morality is out the window or the profession is entirely different. I have a lot of examples from the Sherlock fandom of total AUs that pull this off well – haven’t read nearly enough AUs in the MCU to have a good collection here).

But a resemblance of character, of capturing the three-dimensionality of a character, is what anti-fics simply fail to achieve. The characters they’re anti against usually suffer cases of Flanderization, if they’re not completely out of character altogether in showing traits that were never displayed in the canon, ever. I don’t know why anyone would be interested in such stories, myself, and remain baffled at their popularity. Is there some sort of enjoyment in seeing such a 2D rendition of a character in what is otherwise meant as a serious work and provides absolutely no sense of proper conflict between two characters? Not for me; it immediately takes me out of the story and when it gets too much, I abandon the story. It’s just not enjoyable for me. Turning a canon protagonist into a strawman is just lazy writing and offers nothing to the writer’s favorite, preferred character.

Concerning Steve’s and Tony’s Flaws

Every real human being has some sort of personality flaw that is decidedly unattractive. Some people are really good at showing it very rarely (and are some of the best human beings), but with these two characters we see them at their greatest heights and lowest of lows. Ironically, they actually share a lot of the same flaws, but display them in different manners in canon:

Both men believe they are the best man for the job and will do it without consulting someone who could actually fight against it - or go completely against them. Tony with Ultron is the easy example here. He’s the smartest man in the world and can tackle the issue of protecting it on its own. Steve, same issue, and his job is “helping Bucky”. *He’s* the one who can handle Bucky, the only one who can handle him - big thing in both WS and CW. If both of them had utilized their friends and allies a lot more, a lot of issues could have been avoided.

Both men are sometimes hypocritical. Steve promotes teamwork in all his speeches but again with the Bucky situation. Just… everything Bucky, man. Tony signs the Accords and immediately goes against them with what he gives to Peter, who most assuredly did not sign them (tangent: if he HAD joined the Avengers at the end of Homecoming, I have no idea how that would have gone since Peter would have had to reveal his identity to the UN and then there’s the whole ‘still a minor’ thing, and yeah, Homecoming’s end scene just makes me go nuts). But anyway, their occasional hypocrisy is one of the most realistic aspects of them because most human beings are hypocritical sometimes.

Both men are sometimes arrogant. Tony’s self-explanatory with his genius-playboy-philanthropist-billionaire. One thing he does not suffer from is low self-esteem in regards to his abilities. His arrogance comes from his genius. Steve’s arrogance lies more in his deep-seeded belief that he is on the moral high ground – and one reason I think a lot of people dislike him so much, because moral superiority is very much a faux pas in this day and age for some millennials and many Gen Z folk. He has a very, very solid sense of what is right and what is wrong, and that rubs some folks the wrong way. Tony is more morally fluid – but he is not by any means immoral.

Both of them have a really solid list of strengths as well. As this ask specifically is looking to find the good in Steve, I specifically Googled pro-Steve articles for you to click at your leisure (and one with both). If you need to go back to canon, I highly recommend rewatching The First Avenger and The Winter Soldier, which introduces Steve brilliantly and then lets Steve grow further in the second film.

(Note: I actually prefer Tony to Steve in terms of personal favoritism, but how a very loud segment of Tony fans have treated other characters has led me to be more vocal about the strengths of others, especially Steve and Wanda. So Tony might be in my top 5, but mean-spirited Tony fans have moved me to be a champion of other characters, if only to show other fans that there are indeed Tony fans that do like the other characters and treat them – and their fans – with respect).

Bringing Balance (to the Universe…) Fanfic-Style

This addresses the second part of your ask in regards to the fanfics. And this is where I started running into trouble, too, mostly because, well, just how many Stephen and Steve fics are there? Yeah, exactly. Stephen’s my main guy. So I did some research, outsourcing, and reading.

Here’s two I knew of before cuz Stephen’s in them in some capacity:

Identity Theft by KitKat992 - it stars Peter and both Tony and Steve play integral parts from what I recall. Good story too, very engaging.

A Dysfunctional Senior Year (series) by ApolloLoki97 - this also stars Peter and has a large Team As Family aspect, so it shows the entire Avengers team as just decent people. My favorite part is naturally part 3 because Stephen comes in that one, haha.

And to find other stories, I went into the Anti-Accords tag. It was nice to find fics that didn’t have such a love of hypocritical authoritarianism. Aannyyyyway.

Making Sense of Chaos by SparkedtoLife - mind the tags. Seriously, it’s heavy duty. Yet another Peter fic because he’s way more popular than my favorite character, qq. Lots of Netflix Marvel characters too! Anyway, deals with not only Tony and Steve really well (and has a different dynamic with Tony that isn’t IronDad, so that was a nice change of pace), it also deals with the Accords situation very realistically. And none of those are even main plot points. If you can handle the very serious, sensitive subject that is the main plot point, I highly recommended it. It’s a very masterfully done work.

Atlas by nanasekei - Stony. Treats all characters with respect and both Tony and Steve as three-dimensional, flawed humans with some serious self doubts. Also highly agree with the author that Thaddeus Ross sucks and is basically one of the biggest people to blame for Everything Going To Shit.

Homecoming by an orphaned account - Some Stucky. This is a lovely one-shot of things I basically wanted to happen when the team got together again but didn’t. Sigggghhh. Everyone is definitely in character in this one, traumas and healing and all. And look, another person realizes that trusting Ross is a really horrible idea.

Locks Not Replaced by Riverdaughter - first this writer has a Tolkien-based username so yay. Anyway, the fic starts off by Tony realizing that he almost killed Steve during the fight with his repulsors, and it was only Bucky that stopped him. Do people seriously think he’d survive a shot to the face with that power? This is one reason the ‘Steve tried to kill Tony’ people piss me the fuck off. What do you think those repulsors shoot, fucking rainbows? Honestly, guys. Anyway, mini rant over. This fic is great. Author comes in with a Cap favoritism but treats Tony well, and honestly Tony turning a blind eye to everything and ignoring Ross is what I like to think happened in canon (he clearly dislikes the guy). And also I love the Robin Hood parallels. Love love love. I think this fic is my favorite of the ones listed in this section.

Meeting Your Heroes by Riverdaughter - naturally after reading that fic I went to explore more and found this gem. She’s not incorrect in saying Tony wasn’t a good mentor at the beginning - I think he had his own growth after Peter’s actions in Homecoming especially (though even through Homecoming he was trying, just… not always successfully lmao). Anyway love these two together. It’s great.

Photograph by slytherclaw420 - A scene we deserved in Endgame and didn’t get. Sigh. Definite IronDad feels here. Hopeful Steve, rebuilding of a friendship.

And uh, an honorable mention of sorts:

Balancing the Scales by MoonFire1 - I’m not recommending this fic for good characterization or plot. It really doesn’t have either. The fic was written in retaliation for the nasty Tony fans completely trashing Steve’s character. You should only read this if you want to see the argument from “the other side” and if you want to see an anti-Tony fic like you’ve seen anti-Steve fics. Don’t harass the author though. This is presented as a counterargument to anti-Steve fiction, for those interested to read the other sides arguments. I don’t like the nature of the fic, but I loathe that “not Steve friendly” has 30 fucking pages of works with tens of thousands of kudos, so one anti-Tony fic (with a comparatively small three pages under that tag) really doesn’t compare. Ugh. I hate the anti culture in this fandom so much. Loathe it. It’s such a nasty energy! Why would you indulge in such negativity? But as I’ve mentioned before, I appreciate authors aware enough to tag it so I can avoid it. I wish that part of fandom culture didn’t exist, but well, can’t change it. Just can criticize the fuck out of it on my blog. Maybe encourage people to think less one-sided in the process if I’m lucky.

But there’s probably more good characterization Steve fics to be found, so I am forcefully recruiting two people via tag:

If you’re looking to dabble into Stony fics with good-guy-Steve, if anyone would know of any, I’d imagine it’d be @babywarg.

You don’t know this person, but @cairistiona7 has actually known me the longest of anyone here on tumblr (half my life! HALF! She even knows my real name :P She betaed a LOTR work of mine a decade ago I ended up never fully publishing… thanks again for all your help there…). Anyway, she’s a big Bucky fan, and Bucky friendships is the best thing. So if anyone would know any wholesome Bucky and Steve stories, it’d be her. (Or really I’d take any of your recs, Cair, as I’ll probably enjoy them as well).

I hope this was helpful to you md, and that I didn’t piss off too many of my followers in the process of answering this lol.

[lattelesbean003]

1-50 for the asks lmao (if you feel like it, but you don’t have to lskdjfls)

1. What’s your sexual orientation?

I’m lesbian! 🏳️‍🌈

2. What are you obsessed with right now?

Uhh, I’m really into Haikyuu!! again. I’m still kinda obsessed with Marvel though lol.

3. Ever done any drugs?

Only prescribed drugs.

4. What piercings do you want?

Ohh, so many. I want three piercing on the lobes of both my ears and a couple cartridge piercings. I’ve kinda thought about a nose ring? But I’m not sure. As a start though I need to get over my fear of needles and actually get my ears pierced.

5. How many people have you kissed?

None.

6. Describe your dream home.

Okay okay. I want a one or two bedroom apartment in Montreal, Quebec. (NYC would be the dream but hahahhhh way too expensive). The kitchen would have dark cabinets with a white counter top, a nice deep sink with a movable faucet, obviously a dishwash and stove, a pretty big stainless steel fridge, a stainless steel microwave, and a toaster. I’d have a nice, big, comfy couch in the living room. There’d be lots of plants (I love plants), and a little table by a window for a ‘dining’ room. Bedroom would be big enough to fit a double or queen bed. Oh! I’d also have bookcases everywhere cause I love books and manga lol.

7. Who are you jealous of?

There are a few fanfic writers that I’m jealous of just cause they’re really good at writing and my dumbass feels inferior and bad about myself. It’s one of the things I hate about myself. I get insecure wayyy too easily.

8. What’s your favorite show to binge?

Right now, Haikyuu!!. I binged it pretty quickly and it’s turning into a comfort show for me lol.

9. Do you watch porn?

I have before, but it makes me uncomfortable.

10. Do you have a secret sideblog?

I do have a blog that I run that I haven’t told anyone about.

11. If you could teleport anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?

Florence, Italy. I wanna go back so baddd.

12. What’s one of your fantasies?

Living a good and happy life and not feeling insecure about literally everything

13. Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced?

No I wouldn’t. Exposing my chest to anyone makes me very uncomfortable. Also, the idea of nipple piercings is very bizarre to me but hey, you do you boo.

14. How would you spend a million dollars?

I would buy way too many books and clothes lmao. Also food. If I didn’t set aside some of it for college, I’d spend it on dumb stuff like that.

15. Are you in a relationship?

No, but I wish. I’d love a girlfriend.

16. Do you follow porn blogs?

Nope!

17. Are you angry with anyone right now?

I’m not angry with anyone, just feeling insecure about my relationship with a couple people cause my brain is stupid.

18. What tattoos do you want?

I want a full sleeve tattoo! Idk what the art would be, mostly because I haven’t actually thought about it toooo much because tattoos involve needles and pain and those are two of my biggest fears. (Failure takes the number one spot though.)

19. If you could change your name, would you? What would you change it to?

Oh uh, idk man. I’ve never thought about it. I’d just stick with Jen.

20. What is something you’re obsessed with?

For fandoms, Haikyuu!! right now, but I love sweet things way too much. Also, bread.

21. Describe your best friend.

Tall, adventurous, takes no shit, smart

22. Tag someone you think is hot.

@ms-bookdragon ;)

23. Who are five of your favorite bands/musical artists?

I mostly like specific songs, rather than one artist. Here are my top five at the moment:

Piano Man / Billy Joel

My Love Will Never Die / AG, Claire Wyndham

Toss a Coin to Your Witcher / Samual Kim, Black Gryphon (I like the remix more than the original)

Dance Monkey / Tones and I

The Sound of Silence / Disturbed

24. What are three places you want to travel?

I really want to go to Quebec (and I might be able to this summer!!), Japan, and Greece. (I also wanna return to Italy).

25. Describe your perfect Friday night.

Sharing lots of laughs with friends.

26. What’s your favorite season?

Spring! I don’t mind winter if it snows, but where I live it mostly rains and it’s annoying lol. We’ve only had like, four dry days since the new year.

27. What’s your pet peeve?

LOUD CHEWING OMG I CAN’T STAND IT. Also when anything scraps against metal. Makes me cringe and tense up like nothing else.

28. Who is the funniest person you know?

A gay guy in my chem class. Also my neighbor. They both have very weird senses of humor but I appreciate them lol.

29. What’s the most overrated movie?

Avengers: Endgame. :3 (I will forever hate that movie lol.)

30. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message.

Oh god why you gotta do this to me. @voxofthevoid. Ahh he only knows me from my main not my sideblog. 😭

31. Do you like paper books or ebooks better?

Paper books don’t hurt my eyes as much. I don’t think I could read a paper version of a fanfic though.

32. If you could live in a fictional world, what world would you pick?

Oh oof, uhh none of them? They’re all kinda shitty worlds lol. 

33. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like?

Lots of button-ups and sweaters. Jeans, converse, scarves, nice dresses and skirts. I don’t have a specific wardrobe, I mostly buy whatever catches my eye.

34. What’s your coffee order?

Depends on my mood, but I mostly buy ice caps at Tim Hortons. Sometimes a french vanilla. At proper coffee shops, I buy a latte or mocha. I can’t handle a normal latte yet though, so it’s normally a caramel latte or something. At Starbucks, I typically buy a caramel frappuccino. When it’s cold, a mocha latte. (The peppermint mocha is yummy.)

35. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Nope, kinda wish I did though. 

36. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes?

Nope! I have on ex and mostly avoid him lol.

37. Have any tattoos?

No, but as I mentioned above I’d love a full sleeve tattoo.

38. Do you drink?

Nah, I’m still underage, alcohol is gross, and I’m not popular enough to be invited to parties.

39. Are you a virgin?

Yis. Still haven’t gotten my first kiss too.

40. Do you have a crush on any of your mutuals?

No

41. How many followers do you have?

On this account, tumblr claims 39, but it’s actually 24 lmao. I have a joint account with another person that has over 1000 followers though.

42. Describe the hottest person you know.

She has a long mousy brown hair, a bunch of ear piercings, really adorable dimples, and a very nice smile. I’m like 99% she’s straight though.

43. What’s your guilty pleasure?

I indulge too much in junk food. 

44. Do you read erotica?

Yupp. I mean, if you count fanfic with sex in them plus the occasional doujinshi.

45. What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?

The one date I’ve been on wasn’t too bad, but the dude I went out with thought we were a couple after the one date. I feel kinda bad because I led him on for two weeks, unsure how to break it to him that I discovered I was gay soooo.

46. How many people do you follow?

100, but like over half of them aren’t very active.

47. If you could marry any celebrity, who would you pick?

Hmmmmmmm. I don’t have a specific crush on anyone, but maybe Sebastian Stan just cause I wanna be his friend. He’s too old though lol.

48. Describe your ideal partner.

A girl (obviously), who’s could drag me to social events, but also enjoy a quiet night at home. Funny, encouraging/supportive, kind. Also lots of cuddles. I love cuddling and hand holding, plus cheek kisses!! Ahhh

49. Who do you text the most?

Two of my irl friends. They’re both great. I also text the person I have a joint blog with.

50. What’s your favorite kind of weather?

A warm spring day. The sun isn’t too hot, the grass is a lush green, and there’s only a handful of clouds in the sky. On the flip side, if I don’t have to go to school, I love snow. Walking around my neighborhood when it’s totally quiet and peaceful is one of my favorite things to do.

[arianakristine]

alright here we go!! *cracks knuckles*. no 1, 2, 4, 8, 9, 10, 12, 15, 16, 17, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 30, 32, 33, 37, 38, 40. yes do it!

40 Questions - Meme for Shippers

Also, sorry this took so long, but also look how many hard questions you had for me!!!

1. Talk about the first ship you ever had.     My first ship was for Roswell. I was a little tiny Junior High-er, and loved Max and Liz so much. It was the first fandom I ever participated in, and the one that made me discover fanfiction on the computer in the computer room. Sigh, 2000. My very first (terrible) fics were written about these two. I think I even had an Angelfire webpage dedicated to them. I still read for this fandom occasionally.

2. Talk about three of the most important ships throughout your life.    Dreamer, because it was the first and the one that opened the door to fandom.     Then, not even a particular ship, but Heroes got me back into it after trying to leave it behind when I went to college.      Lastly, of course, Gremma. Because Gremma reignited my writing more than any other ship.

4. What’s your current NOTP?   Always Evil Huntsman, S/Q, and Swan/fire

8.Have you ever shipped yourself with a character?   Like, in fic? No. Did I love characters so much and want them to be mine? Sure, of course.

9. Do you have many ships that never got together at all?    Let’s see … not at all? I have a couple, yes. But I think most of my ships at least had canon romantic interest. 

10. Do you ship any characters that have never met?      Maybe Darcy/Loki, but that’s a minor ship.

12. Have you ever been disappointed when your ship finally got together?       YES.

15. Have you ever “shipped at first sight”?      Oh, absolutely and often.

Luke/Jessica, Pepperony, Chidi/Eleanor, Mike/Fi, Shules, … the list goes on. (shockingly, Gremma was a “I know this will happen” but took me an few eps to come to love as much as I do)

16. Talk about a ship you initially disliked.      Hmm, maybe Military Punk. I don’t think it was full-on dislike (because nothing with that first scene can truly be that), but I wasn’t into it at first. Dammit, Paul.

Also, Maeve and Hector. I thought I was going to love Dolores/Teddy when I first started Westworld, and was “meh” about everything else. Until maybe around 1x04, Dissonance Theory.

17. Talk about a pairing you’ve stopped shipping romantically.

       Nick and Jess, New Girl. It just got to the point where I was actively rooting for them to be BFFs instead.

21. Is there a ship you just don’t get, but have nothing against?      Captain Swan. *shrug* I tried.

22. Which of your ships have the best chemistry?       All my ships have amazeballs chemistry. Grrr, can’t pick.

23. Which of your ships deserve better writing?          Ha. Hahahahahahaha. Easy.

24. Do you mostly ship canon pairings?     Probably mostly ones that had shown romantic interest on screen. That doesn’t necessarily mean they were together forever, but at the very least there was a spark of canon interest.

25. Have you ever shipped a pairing before you even started watching the show/movie simply because of gifs and graphics or similar?       I thought of two for this. One was an easy Annamis, because they were so lovely and America gets things late on BBC (speaking of, will need to see Discovery of Witches, too). 

   But there was one that full-on shocked me. I occasionally peek into fandoms just to see about fic, and one time I stumbled on a Star Wars fic where a ship was just hinted at. And it started a craving for that ship, and I read a lot, and I even wrote a bit. But I had only seen the original trilogy once when I was a kid, and I think the second in the prequel series without my full attention. How this translated to Obidala? No clue.

30. Name a couple of fandoms in which you have no ships.      The Haunting of Hill House. I think the romantic relationships are fantastic and pretty layered for not being the focus, but my main love in this show is the family dynamics and character studies.      And I still haven’t figured out how I feel about it completely, but in that vein: Umbrella Academy. I like certain dynamics, but no ships.

32. Share five must-read fics. (THIS WAS HARD!!!)       At The Toll Bridge by a tattered rose. OUAT. Gremma fic, canon divergent. I love the cadence and the style of this fic so, so much. It’s so lovely and lilted, and on point. It’s got such texture and layer, and makes me want more.      The Good Kind/2 by ygrawn. Heroes. Molly’s POV when Mohinder takes over care after S1. Gosh, this one is beautiful. Such a tangible, relatable child’s perspective of all this craziness that happens, and highlights that beautiful found-family that Mohinder and Molly make.       Innocent by mockingbird39. Roswell. This is back when everything was on their own fanfic boards, and I had to do some digging to find it because it’s buried deep in there. But if there was a place to learn about where I got to my writing now? It’s likely this fic. Beautiful and nuanced … just a gorgeous fic.      I See The Light by la lisboa. Gremma. Is this cheating? I just have such a soft spot for this beautiful fic, and I love that I was able to get little sneak peaks while she was writing. Honestly, though, it is a fantastic fic, and one of the few multichapters finished for this ship (my own fault included there).      And I’ve been agonizing over this list too long, because I was trying to do different fandoms, but: Moats and Boats and Waterfalls by blueink3, because it is That Good. 

33. Name your favorite fanartist(s).      And not just because it’s you, but seriously you are one of them. I love your AUs as much as your canon gifsets, and your coloring is always beautiful.      lonesheep is another, for their beautiful drawings and graphic manips.      …basically all my Gremma people. We have some awesome fanartists in out midst.      I have to give it up to Sleeping Hook fanartists, because they are the only reason I ship it. I feel bad, because I can’t think of names, but basically just all of them.

37. Do you have a favorite trope and/or AU for your OTP?       :D :D :D   Yes. For Gremma, all the babies is my most common fic trope. And I die for forbidden romance Princess AUs, omg.

38. Do you like and use ship names?      Yep. I grew up in fandom with ship names, and while not all of my ships have one that I know of, I use them all the time for the ones that do.

40. If you could change one thing about your OTP, what would that be?      Oh, let me see, MAYBE THAT GRAHAM LIVED AND EVERYTHING WAS OKAY AND THEY HAD LOTS OF SEX AND BABIES???

[kenshi-vakarian7]

Writing Questionaire

I was tagged by @rpgwarrior4824  Thank you!

I tag anyone who wants to do this.

Short stories, novels, or poems?

I like novels mainly because there’s plenty of time for development and learning more about the characters/plot.  I like short stories second, especially when I want to read something quickly from start to finish.

What genre do you prefer reading?

I personally love Action/Adventure stories.  I also like mysteries, drama, and the occasional romance (if written well).

What genre do you prefer writing?

Action/Adventure and drama.

Are you a planner or a write-as-I-go kind of person?

It usually depends.  I tend to plan when writing long fics.  For short stories, it usually depends on how inspired I’m feeling (the more inspired, the more likely I’ll write as I go).

What music do you listen to while writing?

I don’t really listen to music while writing unless I’m writing a fight scene.  In that case, I put on heavy metal music to get me pumped up.

Fave books/movies?

Favorite book: The Green Mile by Stephen King.  Favorite Movie: The 25th Hour.

Any current WIPs?

...Too many.

Okay, that’s exaggerating (a little).  But here’s what I have so far in the Mass Effect fandom;

-A Family Twofold, which is supposed to be a few chapters long.  I only wrote and published one chapter... more than a year ago.

-A 2 chapter MaleShep/Miranda story taking place right after the suicide mission.

-5 prompts that were sent to me more than two months ago - 3 are Freyder focused, 1 Shakarian focused, and 1 Vetra/FemRyder focused.  I did finally start the first one this week and will hopefully have it posted in a few days.

-The Shepard Saga - a series of fics focusing on my Adam Shepard before, during, and after the trilogy.  I’m currently in the planning stages.

-Aberration - a story focusing on my Marc Shepard and how he deals with the aftermath of the trilogy.

If someone were to make a cartoon out of you, what would your standard outfit be?

Hmmm... heavy hoodie, jeans, sneakers, glasses, and my dark brown hair pulled up into a ponytail.  That’s my usual look during the cold months.

Create a character description for yourself:

Oh boy... I’m just gonna be quick about this one since I need to go to bed soon.

“If not work, or spending time with her cats, she usually spends time on the computer browsing the internet or, when writer’s block isn’t in play, write stories to publish for free.  The latter especially is one of her cherished hobbies.”

Do you like incorporating people you actually know into your writing?

Only if they share the same interests and like fanfics.  Otherwise, not really.

Are you kill-happy with characters?

Sometimes. =P

Coffee or tea while writing?

Usually it’s either water or soda.  From the two above, it’ll likely be coffee.

Slow or fast writer?

Very, very slow.  Like the tortoise would finish his race against the hare faster than I can write most days.

Where/who/what do you find inspiration from?

Sometimes, I’ll indulge in the fandom in question to get inspiration.  Sometimes, I’ll look for prompts to inspire me.  Sometimes though, a random plot bunny will smash me into the ground and harass me until I sit down and write... that last one is actually my favorite. =P  I wish it happened more often.

If you were put into a fantasy world, what would you be?

I’m not sure what I would be, but as for the world itself... someplace fun where Reapers are not out to get me. =P

Most fave book cliche? Least fave book cliche?

Favorite is the classic romance story where the couple go off towards the sunset and live happily ever after.  Yeah, I’m a sap for that kind of crap. =P  Also, I like ‘chosen ones’ stories and old, wise people cliches.

Least favorite; Character walks in to lover and a friend ‘cheating’ on them.  “It’s not what it looks like!”  Character walks away before character could explain the situation in under 5 seconds, causing the drama to linger longer than necessary for whatever reason.

Fave scenes to write?

Cliffhangers!  I love them as a writer.  Hate them as a reader. =P

Most productive time of day for writing?

I tend to write best in the late afternoon/evening.

Reason for writing?

My active imagination.  I actually started when I was about 11-years-old after spending the summer doing nothing but go to the library and just read and read and read.  One day, I just thought how awesome it would be to write my book and just... started from there.  I did hit a small writing drought in high school, but picked it up again in my junior year with an original series I’ve considered publishing from time to time.

I started writing fanfiction during my senior year of high school and, except for one-and-off writer’s block, have not stopped.

Generally, writing is my passion.  It helps to unleash the plot bunny in my head.  I enjoy sharing my work to the world and getting wonderful feedback.  It is a hobby that had helped me discover new things about the world, and it is my sanctuary, my temporary escape, from life.

[writteninsunshine]

You Know I Love You Too Much To Be Crushed Like That - Combeferre/Courfeyrac - SFW

Title: You Know I Love You Too Much To Be Crushed Like That

Author: Reno

Fandom: Les Misérables

Setting: Various

Pairing: Combeferre/Courfeyrac

Characters: Combeferre, Courfeyrac, Grantaire, Enjolras, Joly, Jean ‘Jehan’ Prouvaire, Dog OC: Porkoy

Genre: Romance

Rating: K

Chapters: 1/1

Word Count: 1351

Type Of Work: One-Shot, Gift for Punkocalypse

Status: Complete

Warnings: Gay, Slash, Yaoi, MLM, Unrequited Love, Pining, Five and One, Grantaire has good advice, Side Grantaire/Enjolras

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything.

Summary: Five times Courfeyrac proved his love, and one time Combeferre proved his own.

AN: Hey guys, it’s me again! Just thought I ought to say, if you want vague updates and to talk to me more, I have Twitter and Tumblr, too! Twitter is Sunnywritings, and Tumblr is Writteninsunshine! I also have a writing Discord that is currently pretty dead. xD I can PM it to people who want it on FFN, for everyone else, it’s here: https://discord.gg/FyaWw25

I have fanfic requests up on my tumblr! Link Here: https://writteninsunshine.tumblr.com/post/633894090732421120/requests-open

So, this is a gift fic for @punkocalypse, because we really ended up liking this ship. I hope that you like it, honey! At any rate, I really enjoy writing these fics lately, and I’m so glad that I’m finally getting some writing done. Hope you like this, guys!

I should probably mention that I’m terrible at poetry and so it’s a bad poem. I’m so sorry.

Les Misérables Fic Masterlist

You Know I Love You Too Much To Be Crushed Like That

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The first time, he was drunk. 

So drunk he could barely stand, could hardly keep his eyes open, but he managed to storm the table Combeferre had taken up with Joly and Jehan despite this. With both hands on the table, shaky arms barely holding him up, he forced his eyes open to stare directly at the object of his overwhelming desire.

“What are you doing?” Combeferre asked with a raised eyebrow, only getting an odd grin from his friend.

“I love you,” Courfeyrac told him with conviction, only sending both of Combeferre’s eyebrows into his hair. Joly and Jehan snickered, awaiting Combeferre’s response.

“You… Do, do you?” He asked, then held up a hand to stop Courfeyrac’s response, “How drunk are you?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Wine was called Liquid Courage, wasn’t it? He couldn’t admit such a thing while he was sober.

“You’re too drunk to know any better.”

But he wasn’t.

If he doesn’t believe you, don’t give up hope. Grantaire had told him with a little smile, Prove yourself to him. If I can do it, so can you.

The second time he couldn’t say it.

Courfeyrac was painfully sober as they waited in line at the cafe to make their food and drink orders. It wasn’t like him to spend the night absolutely plastered as Grantaire often did, but he’d been doing it more often lately. Since his initial rejection, it helped to soften the blow, even if only a little bit. Still, he was thinking about Grantaire’s words, about not giving up so easily. Not proving Combeferre right when he said that he couldn’t, and didn’t, love him.

“What do you want?” Courfeyrac asked, finally, when there were only three more people ahead of them. “I’ll buy, you can go on up.”

“You sure about that?” Combeferre returned with a raised eyebrow, head tilting slightly. When he only got a definitive nod in response, he answered. “Coq au vin and wine.” It wasn’t like there was much more to drink, “Anything is fine, but red is preferred.”

“Of course.”

When it was finally delivered by an antsy Courfeyrac, Combeferre regarded him with a small smile and a soft thank you. The pair ate in silence while they awaited Enjolras and his newest speech, no doubt written in a manic state during one of his various law classes. Most likely, it would be in response to something ‘insensitive’ that a teacher had said, but that always lead to a night to remember. At least, for most. Grantaire usually walked away only knowing that Enjolras had graced him with his presence.

The third time, he couldn’t stop staring.

Combeferre had been sipping wine with Joly, talking about something that Courfeyrac didn’t really care about. It was something simple, a small part of life that was just on the side of annoying, but the words didn’t seem to reach his ears. Instead, he was focused on the drip of wine down the other’s chin, Combeferre’s lips moving and forming around his words so precisely. 

It was beautiful, the red tint to his lips, the soft shine on them, and he was going crazy thinking about how soft they looked. Without thinking, he finally shot forward and, in the last second, he reached his hand out instead of his puckered lips. Smearing the wine against Combeferre’s lips and wiping it away, he didn’t seem to notice the odd stare it earned him.

“Courfeyrac?” Combeferre asked, turning to look at him, bewildered.

“S-sorry.” He murmured in response, cheeks on fire. “You had a….” His voice cut out and he looked away, but not before he saw a rare hint of a smile.

The fourth time, Courfeyrac was beside himself.

Combeferre had needed someone to walk his dog one evening, because he had class and Enjolras was otherwise busy. The Briard, known as Porkoy, was a shepherd dog and couldn’t sit still around five o’clock. Courfeyrac offered himself up before he had realized just what he was getting into. The dog could be a terror when he wasn’t entertained, and he knew it would make Combeferre much happier to have him worn out when he got back from class.

That, of course, signed him up for a nearly eight kilometer walk around Paris with a dog that wasn’t his. Of course, he was occasionally stopped, asked about the dog, and told the questioning party all about him. A couple women used the dog to flirt with him, but he was so focused on his love for Combeferre that, for once in his life, he just played it off. It was strange to him, to be honest, not to be interested in a potential lay, but he had to remind himself that he had to prove his love to Combeferre, and nothing would stop him from doing it. He’d been working too hard to mess it up, now.

When he finally brought the dog back, Combeferre was so thankful that he gave him a long hug, and it left him feeling more than love-drunk when he left the apartment to walk to his own, calves ablaze.

The fifth time, Courfeyrac was dying for more affection.

He had been good, a perfect gentleman. Laying all the ground work for so long, he only hoped that he could be loved someday. Unfortunately, he found himself at a disadvantage. He’d been drinking with Grantaire since the two of them had eaten dinner together, and he was feeling like confessing again.

He had written a poem, as well, and slipped it over to the other when Combeferre was talking to Jehan.

The sun in the sky wishes

It burned half as bright as you

Love is a word that could never compare

To the things that I feel in your light

I want to make words, to create things that fit

But nothing seems to work and all I can do

Is say that I am absolutely enamoured by you

Combeferre read the note after a moment, blinking a little before looking over at the other. Courfeyrac had been putting in the time and effort to prove himself, and he smiled at him sweetly. Their hands touched and Combeferre rubbed a thumb over his knuckles. Courfeyrac melted in his seat, dumbstruck and happy with their hands intertwined.

Combeferre was not a man that showed a lot of affection. He was not the most romantic person in a room, he often had a hard time expressing things that weren’t his deeply held opinions. But, when it came to Courfeyrac, his heart had softened. The confession had been drunk, but even when he was sober, he did his best to try and give what he could. These thoughts brought him to helping Courfeyrac home after a night of drinking.

“You were great tonight.” Courfeyrac was saying, drowning in the scent of the other’s cologne. Combeferre shook his head with a smile.

“I hardly said a word.”

“Yeah, but you kept Enjolras from punching that guy.”

“Someone has to keep him out of prison for bar fights over politics.” And that someone was usually Combeferre.

“You still did great.” Courfeyrac babbled, nuzzling his face into the other’s shoulder. When they made it to his doorstep, the door was unlocked and Combeferre grabbed his wrist. Pulling him in for a slow, gentle kiss, he cupped the other’s face to hold him in place. When they pulled back, Courfeyrac happily stared at him, leaning back against his door.

“I might be falling for you.” Combeferre admitted, “You’ve been doing so much…”

“I wanted to prove to you that I love you.” Courfeyrac replied with a blush, happy to be in the other’s warm embrace.

“You’ve been doing so well.”

“You’re the greatest.”

“Hardly.”

“To me, you are.”

“You really are blinded by love.”

“All I can see is you.”

“You should get to bed.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too. Now, off with you.” Courfeyrac headed inside, crashing on his couch and thinking of nothing more than being held on it by the other man. He should have invited him in.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

AN: I hope you liked this, guys. I had a lot of fun with it! I honestly have been so happy with how much I’ve been writing lately. See you in the next one!

[random-thought-depository]

I think @adepta-astarte/Purplekitte’s Primarch gender-swap ideas are cool, but I have a different interpretation of what Mara would be like.

I see a lot of autism coding and chronic pain/invisible disability coding in Mortarion. I think this is why I’ve always found him one of the more compelling Primarchs: I think I’m autistic or something and I have persistent low-level physical pain and a self-sacrificing streak, so I find it easy to see him as someone whose outer and inner struggles remind me of my own; he reminds me of the part of myself that once tried to tough out a serious toe infection because I didn’t want my mother to have to pay for my treatment.

I see Mara as very similar to Mortarion, and as very masculine/butch/GNC in ways that are totally tied into her brain-weirdness. She doesn’t object to wearing feminine clothing in principle, but most feminine clothing and associated things (long hair, make-up, jewelry) irritates her sensory sensitivities. She’s very strong and tough and fast, but she’s clumsy with small delicate objects and small finicky movements, so she’s a lot better at the kind of manual labor an agricultural society codes male, and this influenced her early experience of gender a lot. Femininity emphasizes a lot of the human things that are most difficult for her, like being pretty and sociable and good at emotion work. I see Mara experiencing her alienation from femininity as an extension of her alienation from humanity in general.

I see Mara’s early childhood as a lot more gender-neutral than Purplekitte does. I always saw Mortarion’s introversion in terms of ... he was raised by beings that were not human, that did not teach him to be human, he had to learn to be human later, and having learned it so late it never became easy for him. So I see the Barbaran overlords as inhuman beings, who wouldn’t share human things like gender roles, and who’d treat Mara and Mortarion about the same way.

I started writing a fanfic based on these thoughts a while ago, but it probably won’t be ready for posting before next year because I want to finish some other writing projects first. Also, I think I should read more Horus Heresy novels before I finish the fic, I’m mostly going by fandom osmosis at this point. Some other Mara ideas from my unfinished fanfic (a lot of these are just my Mortarion headcanons):

I actually did name her Mara, thanks @adepta-astarte for giving me permission to do that, it was better than any name I could think of.

----

In my mind’s eye Mara looks a lot like @newvagabond but really big (she’s one of the bigger Primarchs, so she’d be bigger than this guy), with the body type of Julie Bell, a kinda sea-creature grey-white complexion, a stronger chin and gold eyes, and a lot of scars (I asked New and she said it was OK to mention this). I think there’s a couple of reasons my brain made that connection, and the spoonie thing is one of them.

----

Mara was badly abused as a child, especially during the early years when the tyrant saw her as a biological curiosity instead of a potentially valuable future minion. Some of the things that were done to her permanently physically damaged her (her inhumanly white appearance is a manifestation of that).

---

Mara has some sensorimotor issues:

- She has unpleasant sensory sensitivities. Everything feels jagged. Sensations scratch, bite, itch, burn, poke, tickle-scratch, are too much. Many things feel bad and few things feel good. Constant low-level pain is the background noise of her life

- She’s fast and graceful by human or even Space Marine standards, but every movement feels like it takes more effort than it should, as if her brain has to shout at her body, as if her limbs are moving through mud, and it’s frustrating. She’s also clumsy with small delicate objects and small finicky movements.

She treats these problems as embarrassing secrets and resists making any concessions to self-care.

She also has the autistic restricted food preference thing, but will eat almost anything anyway; she had to do that as a matter of survival during childhood and she’s exactly the kind of person who’d rather low-key torture herself than ask for accommodation.

----

Mara ran away from the tyrant around 8-10 years old or whatever the Primarch years equivalent is, and was adopted by a human community shortly thereafter. I think that scenario evokes the feel of autistic/ND alienation better than her having run away as an adult.

She had an adoptive mother-figure: an old widow. This woman had an adult non-verbal autistic son who lived with her, and raising such a child gave her experience that was useful in dealing with Mara (knowing how to touch her in a way that didn’t irritate her sensory sensitivities, recognizing when she was feeling overloaded, etc.).

----

Mara is mostly asexual, but she has proto-sexual crushes and proto-sexual sensual attraction. The analogy she thinks of for her own sexuality is a pot that sometimes comes to the verge of boiling but never boils, or a plant that never blooms because the soil it’s in is too stony and sour. She could probably enjoy sex, but she feels no strong desire for it. She’s relieved at being asexual, because she thinks her being celibate makes things simpler for herself and everyone else. She has never had a romantic relationship, and she has never had sex.

The closest thing she’s had to a lover was a girl a few years older than her in her adoptive village, who was her one childhood friend. She and this girl did a proto-sexual “take off our clothes and study each other’s bodies because we’re curious” thing as young teenagers. Later on this girl started training to be a singer/oral storyteller, and Mara had a strong sensual attraction to her voice (in my mind’s ear this girl’s singing sounds like this). This girl picked up that Mara was attracted to her and offered to have sex with her, but Mara wasn’t comfortable with that idea so nothing happened. They might have become lovers eventually but this girl died young from disease.

----

Mara started her rebellion against the overlords when she was a young teenager. When they’d been grooming her to be a minion the tyrant taught her a lot of stuff about weapons, and she taught the Barbaran peasants how to make cross-bows, guns, cannons, greek-fire-like-stuff, bombs etc.. She has a techie-nerdy side, but it often isn’t appreciated.

----

Relationships with other Primarchs (note, I haven’t figured out which other ones I’d gender-swap in this AU):

- Horus is one of the very few living close friends/intimates she has. He’s likely one of the very few people she’s told about her sensorimotor issues. They have a close older-brother/little-sister type relationship.

- She does not get along well with Fulgrim and Ferrus Manus. Given their schtick they strike me as likely to not get along well with a sibling they see as broken or defective. They don’t know the details of her condition, but they have eyes and they’re bright, they see and judge, and she can see them seeing and judging (and hear the occasional snide comment). She has some sensual attraction to how pretty and graceful and perfect Fulgrim is, which makes her resent him more, as she finds being attracted to him humiliating.

- She doesn’t get along with Magnus for the same reason Mortarion doesn’t: the Barbaran overlords were sorcerers, sorcery has bad associations for her, and she knows enough about it to have some idea how dangerous it is.

- Her default opinion of Leman Russ is “charismatic popular guy who finds all the stuff I struggle with easy,” and envy based on that. Going by some interpretations, may be surprised how relatable some of his experiences are to her if they have the right conversation.

- She probably dislikes Purplekitte’s interpretation of gender-swapped Russ for the same reason she dislikes Magnus: she doesn’t like sorcerers. Though I have an extremely vague notion of an enemies-to-friends fic for those two based on finding the mental image of Ljufa trying to teach Mara her weaving-sorcery thing interesting (Mara did textile work as a child but did not like it, especially sowing - her fingers were clumsy and she kept stabbing herself with the needle).

- I think she might have a very interesting relationship with Lorgar. Lorgar is another Primarch I easily read as possibly autistic, though in a way that’s only apparent if you’ve noticed a particular thinking style that I think may be autism-associated but that doesn’t fit common autistic stereotypes. Mara and Lorgar seem to me like kind of symmetrical opposites in terms of their relationships to brain-weirdness, embodiment, Primarchness, and gender (the symmetry isn’t perfect, but then gender is asymmetrical; gender-nonconformity tends to be a lot less accepted in men). I’m not saying I ship these two, but I’m not not saying it.

----

I should do a Primarch autistic headcanons post sometime.

[road2nf]

The Greatest Weekend of My Entire Life

This story was originally published here.

Over the weekend, I experienced what I can only call the greatest experience of my life. I attended NerdCon: Nerdfighteria 2017 in Boston MA, where along with 3499 other nerdfighters I celebrated 10 years of Vlogbrother’s videos and the community that has been created because of what they did in 2007.

I guess I will begin this where it all began, which was in my dorm room in 2008 after my friend Jen AIM instant messaged me a video of a nerdy man singing a very enthusiastic video about the book release of Deathly Hallows. This was, of course, the classic Hank Green song, Accio Deathly Hallows. As I mentioned in the post a couple weeks ago celebrating Jen’s birthday, I then spent the next 2 weeks watching all of the vlogbrothers video, which I thought was a lot at the time. There were about 300 four minute videos covering 2007 where each weekday there was a video posted, and up until September of 2008 when I started watching. I then joined the Nerdfighter Ning wrote DFTBA on my arm in sharpie and fell head first into being a nerdfighter.

I loved everything about this community. I loved the people I met in the forums, the books and authors that were being shared: not only John Green but Maureen Johnson, Scott Westerfeld, Lauren Myracle, David Levithan and more. I loved the music. The Harry Potter Wizard Rock, the parodies, the original stuff. I loved the different vlogs like the 5 Awesome channels especially the five awesome girls. I loved being part of this creative, fun, quirky, interesting, smart, group of people.

When Paper Town was released, I attended the second stop on the Paper Towns Book Tour de Nerdfighting. There were probably 75 people there, maybe, and that was a pretty large crowd. I remember watching the most of the rest of the tour on Blog TV as groups topping off at probably 150 gathered in libraries and bookstores and similar venues to see John and have him sign their copy of his book and listen to Hank’s So Jokes album.Which held such groundbreaking material as It’s too Hot, Helen Hunt, and I’m Gonna Kill You. Lauren Fairweather performed, Kristina Horner performed.  I got a twitter account to follow the Tour de Nerdfighting 2008. This was a big part of my life my senior year of college. Becoming a part of this community and having a safe space to be weird, was groundbreaking to me. A whole new world opened to me.

It was great. I spent years growing up and becoming a better person because of this internet group.

Then The Fault in Our Stars happened.

I  become a little less active in the nerdfighter community after the book release and the blow up of John Green’s popularity as an author, and therefore the vlogbrothers exploded. It was about this time that the Green Brothers started doing other things, SciShow, CrashCourse, everything else they do. My own collab channel had died out, we weren’t making videos anymore, and I moved on to other things. Also one of my best friends passed away around the time that I stopped being active in nerdfighting.

I was still on the peripheral of the community. I followed Maureen Johnson’s Twitter, and I would watch the occasional video that seemed particularly popular. Maureen Johnson became my only real connection inside the nerdfighter community after a while, and it was because of her that I found out about the con last weekend.

I decided why not. I might not get all the inside jokes anymore, but I knew enough, and I was there in the early days. It wasn’t overly expensive so I figured if nothing else it would be fun nostalgia. I’ve been trying to do more things, and that’s very hard when you’re closest friends either have kids so you have to plan things out way in advance or live halfway across the country. I decided to suck it up and go alone. I knew that I would meet people and nerdfighteria is an inclusive community. So I entered the raffle to win a Maureen Johnson book signing (and won) and planned out my weekend of unapologetically liking things.

I met up with a group of people for dinner Friday night, and different people Saturday morning before opening ceremonies for breakfast. These people, though perfect strangers felt like friends. That’s my favorite part of being a nerdfighter. If nothing else you have a fall back topic. There is not searching for what to talk about. When in doubt talk about your road through nerdfighting. Then jumped into the activities.

Then jumped into the activities.

My first stop was a book signing by my all time favorite author Maureen Johnson. Maureen means so much to me. She’s a great human besides being a wonderful writer. Her books have this tone and voice quality that I love so much. I adore her and nearly everything she does. I got to meet my idol Saturday morning at the Hynes Convention Center.

Don’t let that look on my face fool you. I was freaking out and started crying about 31 seconds after this picture was taken.

I then spent an hour writing in a room with a bunch of other people with Kristina Horner, in a mini NaNoWriMo style writing session. The room next to us was supposed to be the Nerdy singalong, but the room was locked, so they just sang in the hallway, so while we were writing, we got to listen to a group singing songs from Hamilton, The Lion King, Wicked, and also Hamilton. It was great. If you look at Kristina Horner’s Instagram, there is a photo from this panel where you can find me. I’m against the wall in the left middle of the room holding a notebook.

There there was a panel about writing which Maureen was on along with Josh Sundquist, Emma Mills, George Watsky (who is on the Hamilton Mixtape) moderated by Kristina Horner. This was a fun discussion about the writing process and how different writers prepare and write their books. I also learned a lot about RL Stien.

My next event was a live taping of the Dear Hank and John podcast, which I had never heard before, but was really fun to be a part of. I have no idea what the Ryan thing was about or why we were all wearing Ryan nametags, but someday I will understand.

Then there was the concert. There is something so galvanizing about being part of a Harry and the Potter’s show. Standing with hundreds of people screaming the Weapon we have is Love and knowing that there is nothing we can’t do if we do it together.

Then there was Hank. Hank Green is a lyrical genius. I mean, his songs are simple and weird, but they are lyrically just good songs. Where else will you find a thousand people singing about the reproduction of the anglerfish or about quarks? Nowhere.

There is something about standing in a group of people yelling “We’re all gonna die!” and jumping around that is so heartwarming.

Nerdfighteria is a weird, weird place.

Sunday I got to meet the 5 awesome girls!

The 5 awesome girls were a movement, kind of. They spawned all the other 5 days of the week collab channels. Every single one of them was based on these girls. They created a culture of acceptance and understanding female friendships. These girls changed so much for me personally. I found myself tearing up many times during this panel and knowing that everyone else in the room felt the same was surreal.

Up next was a panel about growing up on youtube which included Charlieissocoollike.

I liked this panel because it gave us, the viewers, who consumed their content while they were still in high school and while many of us were still in high school or college to hear the impact of what having that kind of pressure to create can have. It was interesting to hear each of these panelists talk about how they got their start, what it’s like to be a “big deal” on the internet. Especially when no one else had done that kind of thing before and what it’s like when that pressure is eased when they took it off themselves as they grew up.

Next was a presentation by the podcast Reading Harry Potter as Sacred Text. Look this up if you have never heard of it. It was brilliant and a new way to treat the books that shaped so much of what I am.

Then there was a seminar about translating fandom into a resume. Learning how to word something like NaNoWriMo or GiShWHes or fanfic writing or blogging or having an Instagram that is dedicated to books or cosplay or whatever was a learning experience. Basically, everything we do can be put on a resume. It just has to be worded right. GisHwhEs sounds a whole lot less weird when it’s written as “Completed a weeklong multinational creative art project in conjunction with the charity Random Acts with a team of 15 members for four different countries.”

And then it was over. Time for the closing ceremony.

Here we sang a song about eating butts to the tune of the Indiana Jones theme with my personal hero Maureen Johnson, and we got to make John and Hank cry as they discussed not only what this community is, but Ester Earl, a nerdfighter who died of cancer in 2010 at age 16. Needless to say, it was an extremely emotional hour and 45 minutes.

Then I was on a train.

Forty-Eight hours of nonstop craziness and meeting people and seeing what drew me to being a nerdfighter in the first place. Being a nerdfighter and identifying as a nerdfighter has nothing to do with watching John and Hank’s vlogbrother’s videos. It’s conceivable that there are nerdfighters who have never seen the 2007 videos. It’s the community that was built because of what these two brothers created. They understood pretty quickly when they started to gain popularity on youtube that they had a responsibility to create a safe space where everyone can be themselves. Because they did that 3500 people sang a song about butts in the Auditorium of the Hynes. Nerdfighting is a culture. Nerdfighting is understanding that one person can make a difference if they want to. Nerdfighting is a collection of music and art and videos that have an audience of supportive people who will lift you up. Nerdfighting is accepting difference and growing as a person with everyone you meet.

And I somehow forgot that. But I never will again.

This weekend changed my life much the way that watching that first vlogbrothers did 9 years ago. I will never be the same.

The only bad thing about it is when you have experiences like these, these indescribable passion filled, intense experience that describing them doesn’t do justice to how you felt during it is that on Monday you have to go back to your office job and sit and pretend that your life didn’t change because no one else in that office is going to understand. No one else can except for those 3499 other strangers. Those 3499 other friends.

Until next time Internet,

via @decoolz

[theawkwardterrier]

Fic roundup 2016

Buffyverse All Work The Closing Distance To Question, Squirrels and Books

Gilmore Girls Heads, Hands

Harry Potter (Enough Misadventures) To Last A Lifetime The Biting Yesterdays In the Neighbourhood As Yourself

Leverage Sanctuary Space In the Gray Light

MCU The Madcap Underground Withdraw Their Shining The Job At Hand This Bright Future Homemakers Stand Together Burdens Had The Question At Hand All the Days Woman Borne With Gentleness and Time Duty Bound Like Gravity

The Newsroom A Rousing Debate

Veronica Mars Untitled celebrity/fan AU The Blown Job

1. Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted?: Considering I didn’t write a damn word for nearly half the year, much much more. I was super surprised when I did a “last 20 fics” thing in October-ish, and found that they were all in 2016. And I also feel like I actually got a decent balance between longer oneshots, little snippets, and at least one decently sized (for me) chapter fic. It also helped that I got less anxious about asking for prompts, and people were nice enough to step up and give them to me.

2. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?: I never ever would have expected Steve/Peggy and the MCU to take over my life and my writing as completely as it did. I have literally no concrete memory of how it happened, but suddenly they were just there, and I’ve found them honestly delightful to both read and write.

3. What’s your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? Homemakers. Homemakers. All day, every day. It’s just the right level of fluff, sounds authentic enough, flowed nicely, has humor and sweetness and a solid relationship and a plot but also a bit of a “glimpse into the life” thing. One hundred percent. Homemakers.

4. Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? Started writing Woman Borne even though The Ninety-Nine Percent had burned me out so badly. Finished writing Woman Borne even as I realized that I likely wasn’t equipped to do so. On the one hand, I’m proud of the way I handled the act of writing and posting it- I remembered to finish the whole thing ahead of time, I had it read over at an early stage to see if I should keep going and then had it read when it was complete by someone lovely and knowledgeable, I looked over each chapter before posting and made edits if they felt necessary rather than feeling that what I’d written had to dictate the way it would go- but I don’t think I would write something so heavy and controversial and out of my personal experience like that in the near future. Although the readers were overall lovely, it was stressful as heck.

5. Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year? Just, keep writing. If I could finish a few of my WIPs, that would be nice (especially the Very Large Cameron/Chase one) but I’m pretty satisfied to take things as they come. I think my experience with The Blown Job this year was actually really helpful to me- it was a fairly old WIP, one that I’d put down as a goal to finish this year, and without even pushing myself to do it, I just picked it up and chipped away at it until it was done. It just needed to rest in my folder and in my brain for a while, and when it was ready to be done, I finished it.

6. From my past year of writing, what was… Story Most Underappreciated by the Universe: I think that things mostly got noticed in proportion to how they deserved to be noticed- Woman Borne is long so it got more, Homemakers is actually pretty good so it got props even though it was shorter- but some of my smaller fics sort of sank without a ripple. Part of it is my fault because I’m terrible at self-promo, so they were posted once on tumblr, and maybe on AO3, but I feel awkward trying to be noticed, which means that they weren’t. I’m tempted to say Head, Hands, which was my first Rory/Logan story in a while; or either of my Parker/Hardison attempts, but in the end I think I have to go with Like Gravity, which was my last fic of the year and my Steggy Secret Santa story. I don’t know if it was weird tumblr stuff or if the unevenness really put people off, but I didn’t think it was a bad story and it just seemed to go gently into the fanfic ether.

Most Fun: I think The Job At Hand. Homemakers came out so smoothly and I really liked writing all the showgirls in Stand Together, but there’s just something about the hilarious frustration of trying to keep Steve Rogers under control.

Most Disappointing: Maybe In the Neighbourhood, which was my first Ron/Hermione story. I think the characterization was okay but nothing stellar, the writing wasn’t spectacular, and the situation was a little basic. Overall, it was serviceable but lacked any kind of sparkle.

Actually, I take it back. As Yourself, one of my Lily/James fics. The idea is good and even the individual elements are good. I’m really proud of the title, too: it refers both to the quote “love your neighbor as yourself” and the theme of presenting yourself honestly. But the pacing is all wrong. I rushed it, and it shows.

Most Sexy: Oh good gosh. For years I have been answering these questions and I have never succeeded in this one. I know that there’s a lot of ways to be sexy. I write fluff and angst and everything in between. But my sexy is like “do the characters make physical contact at any point?” I’d say This Bright Future, most likely.

Hardest to Write: Woman Borne is probably the easiest answer, but although it took several months to write and had a LOT of big things tangled in it, it didn’t feel that hard in the scheme of my chapter fic experiences. I struggled with getting through The Closing Distance- I’ve had trouble with Buffy/Angel stuff for several years- but I was really surprised by how hard Like Gravity was. It was the only Steve/Peggy fic I had a particularly hard time writing, which was especially strange considering it wasn’t an extraordinarily complicated AU.

Most Unintentionally Telling: Maybe the fact that I like Homemakers so much and have reread it so many times. Although is it a reveal if my love for fluff is well known and publicized? As is my frustration re: bread-making. And that part was written with full and vocal intention, so...not sure

Choice Lines:

Harry (so normal; James’s dad would have loved that) looks around, pulling on a gray t-shirt. “What’s happening?” he says eyeing the cauldron, his mother, and James eyeing him.

“Your dad had a little incident,” Lily says. She hands Harry a muffin, shrugging when he looks from it to her. “Pre-incident baking.”

“Alright,” Harry says easily. He takes a bite. “‘M going to Ron’s for Quidditch.” He sticks the rest of the muffin in his mouth and leaves the room as Lily pours some of the cooled teal potion into a glass and sets it in front of James, who doesn’t move for a moment.

“Woah. Didn’t mean to step into the morning after.”

“Well you did, and now you’ve got it all over your shoe.”

“That’s fucking bullshit.” Steve considered adding ‘with all due respect, sir,’ but he didn’t think it would have mattered at that point, and he also didn't think it would be honest.

...Peggy Carter is controlled and capable and brilliant, but the only thing that’s stone about her is the strength of her right hook.

Steve thinks of courts martial and the way Peggy's uniform fits her so easily. His chest feels splayed open. “I'd love to come with you,” he says, the words breathing out of him.

He wants to hug her, to hold her against him, calculated and risky and stunning. Instead he finds her hand where it lies in the sand between them and presses it delicately…

...Steve, eyes downcast, gifts Peggy with a drawing- simple charcoal on lovely, thick paper- of what she recognizes with some surprise as her own hands. One is in a fist, the other spread wide like a shield.

She buys a frame for it and hangs it in her office the next day.

“Shut up,” she says, fierce and polite, and swings him around and kisses him. He’s stunned still for only a moment.

He is, in fact, a frankly lovely kisser.

When she pulls away after a few moments, he stands there dazed, and then mumbles something that sounds like, “Seniority.”

“Oh good God,” Peggy says, and kisses him again. When she’s satisfied he’ll be quiet, she says, “Phillips is ancient and crotchety and hasn’t changed his textbook in twenty-five years. You, meanwhile, let them look at naked art and stand up to their parents and are bloody gorgeous. And even if you were useless, you’ll shut up and take it. I’ve earned this.”

“You really have,” he says, and kisses her this time, his hands smiling on her back. And then, long minutes later, “By the way. Who’s the HR/PR Disaster now?” His voice is glancingly smug, which cannot be allowed.

“That was four dollars worth of ingredients,” Steve says dazedly several hours later. He is coated lightly in flour as if he has forgotten to come out of the snow.

Peggy eyes the lumpy dough creature and says, “I’m afraid I’m going to have to shoot it.”

They are two highly capable, mostly rational people. They have wedding rings and work and dinner dates and outings with friends and occasional couple’s espionage. They can cook nearly anything else by this point. There is no reason to be frustrated that they cannot conquer bread.

The next batch comes out of the oven looking perfect. It tastes only and exactly of yeast.

They host Thanksgiving because Bucky’s family wanted Christmas.

There are neat pieces of sushi as appetizers, a huge bowl of excellent mashed potatoes, and three perfect kinds of bread.

The turkey is half raw.

Bucky laughs ‘til he cries.

The girls are leaving first, so Steve stays with them while they pack up, the familiar trappings of the Star Spangled Show disappearing into crates, the familiar faces blurring beneath coats and hats.

The chaperone, Miss Lindon, is staring something fierce at him. (They’d almost driven off a cliff one midnight on a twisty road in California. Everyone else was squeezing hands and praying. Miss Lindon, firm and tidy in tweed, just turned the page of her book with a careful finger.)

He knows that Peggy is ninety-two years old. He knows that she just moved into a new nursing home last week. He knows that she is standing right in front of him, no more than a few years older than when he went into the ice. Dark hair, dark lipstick, dark jumpsuit, and his shield on her back.

Later, watching this Peggy, a shade away from what he knows, he realizes that she reminds him of no one as much as himself, shielding himself from the familiar and the unfamiliar and the memories most of all.

Having someone who understands is a very difficult sort of wonderful.

Natasha is the most off-put by how well Peggy knows them. Her stories have come slowly to Steve, each one a trust-gift. Peggy has her own collection, but for Natasha they are weapons held by someone she does not know.

No one could identify with the loneliness of waking up after the ice like Peggy could, the futile anger of knowing that everyone was gone and it was only him, surviving and surviving and surviving.

The next time Steve sees Thompson, he has fading bruises on either side of his jaw, and actually avoids Steve. As if Steve would hit him if he was just minding his own business.

“-And she said I needed to cut out half my footnotes, even though so much of the good stuff is there, and who doesn’t like extra footnotes? They’re like little knowledge presents!“ Willow finished, turning off the overhead light and enjoying the sound of her slippers shuffling against the carpet. Buffy was still out; she had a midterm the next day and Giles was quizzing her. She held the phone against her shoulder and pulled the covers down.

“Did you check for antennae? She might be a footnote hating alien.” It was the first time Oz had spoken in a while and she could hear the noise of the party the other Dingoes were having, but Willow never worried that he was getting distracted when she talked. The tone he used now was equilibrious as always, but the kind that curved upward a little in her mind and meant he was smiling.

She woke one morning with Steve’s voice, warm and content and loving, full of wonder, still settled over her like a shroud.

There were things that Peggy had not even known she could miss: slicing apples, newspapers, the moon and rain, handshakes, calendars.

There was a tenement sort of grimness to his voice that spoke of gritting teeth through long winters.

He had become less formal in her presence, knees and elbows expanding outward as he sat in a way that made him look somehow smaller, or at least softer.

She gripped at her tea. The all-purpose English remedy, she and Monty used to joke. Apply liberally to anything from gunshot wounds to heartbreak. It didn’t seem to be working.

Peggy reminded herself that she had quite handily survived a world war, and that there was no reason to behave swoonily just because Steve was being very visibly attractive in front of her.

Peggy tried to forget that the world war hadn’t prevented just the same thing the first time around.

“‘‘Twas I who chopped down the cherry tree’ and all that?” It sounded accidentally Shakespearean in her accent despite her wry tone.

Steve grinned in a way that was startlingly unrestrained, making Peggy realize just how much it had all been weighing on him. She hadn’t seen that grin since early 1945, and it was shameful for it to have been hidden so long.

“Fine,” he said, the way he did when things were not fine. It wasn’t that he was lying, but that he hadn’t yet realized that something was wrong.

Steve ran the miles home. The idea of cars felt condensed and awful.

She saw Barton farther down the street, half sitting, half sunbathing on top of one of the fire trucks.

In the bleary dark: “Why have you done so much to help us?”

A pause. “Because I can’t remember a time when I wished someone would help me.”

“Well, Evans, the thing about that man you married- and I love him like a brother and would kill anyone else who said this- is that he’s not very bright and sometimes exists with his head firmly hidden up his arse.”

“Hey, man, respect the skills of others. Maybe I can’t do any of that either, but I laugh in the face of the blue screen of death.”

There’s a feeling in her chest that reminds her of seeing Michael in his uniform for the first time, a ragged beat swallowing her thoughts for just a blank moment, whispering how much it would hurt to lose him.

He tells Peggy this after they’re adjourned for the day. She does not try to build him up or placate him. “They used to bury suspected vampires with stakes in their chests and bricks in their jaws even after they’d died,” she says instead, tilting her chin up at him.

She has the feeling that he’s from the type of family where handshake lessons were given on Monday from 2:30 to 4.

This woman sounds like she could buy and sell him a couple of times over, and he’s not entirely sure if he means literally or metaphorically.

“It’s good. I like it,” and somehow that’s worth paragraphs and paragraphs. It settles around her heart.

But Angel has had a few centuries to get used to how quickly things shift. He has no more lamentations for the eyeblinks that mean a change. Killing a young girl, seeing one on sunlit school steps; these things took seconds and changed everything.

His voice is hoarse and he speaks slowly, but his Russian is perfect, as if the language is something he stored in an attic chest, one he just creaked open to find it pristine.

Because although she has more responsibility than anyone he’s ever known, the weight of lives and lives, she also has her own, and it is such a young one. He wants to be sure that she doesn’t look with regret on these months spent with him, the cliffside love with someone whose life is endlessly futureless.

She’s been missing him all these months, she hasn’t even been tempted, never in all that time, and she’s not totally hideous, so there were some people trying to tempt. But she’s been waiting, it hasn’t even been a question, and he’s apparently been questioning all over the place if he was going to break his word, the last thing he said to her.

She goes Bronzing with the gang. She spends a couple nights hanging and talking with Will, where they dissect Oz’s latest three words, and try once again to figure out Cordelia and Xander, and don’t talk at all about Angel or about how this feels worse than the entire last year because they finally got to choose and they both chose to be apart. She gets a B+ on her English quiz.

Despite herself, Veronica is disappointed. She had wanted the rush from figuring out a puzzle, from outthinking a group of criminals with rap sheets long enough to ride the big roller coasters without a parent. Now she’s facing a woman who’s pulling the criminal equivalent of faking cramps to get out of gym.

[ardentaislinn]

Yuletide 2018 Letter

Hi! I am also ardentaislinn on AO3. Thank you so much for volunteering to write one of my chosen fandoms! I really can’t wait to see what you come up with. Most importantly, I hope you have fun writing whichever of my fandoms it is. Any suggestions I make here are optional, (though I do very much hope you will take my DNWs into consideration.)

Here you’ll find:

My general likes My DNWs

And prompts for the following fandoms: The Awakening (2011) - Florence Cathcart, Robert Mallory Strike (TV series) - Cormoran Strike, Robin Ellacott    Tomb Raider (2018) - Lara Croft, Lu Ren

My likes:

I love getting together fics most of all. I love almost every kind of trope (fake dating, slow burn, rivals-to-lovers, “unrequited” pining (that is really requited), found families, etc.) Also, casefic, epistolary fic, consent, forbidden pleasures, beta heroes, bed sharing, masquerades, military kink, physical imperfections, ladies being badass and female relationships (whether romantic or friendship), relationships that build tension before exploding, equal relationships, trapped together, competence, communication, U/RST, positive endings.

You may notice from the below that my ships mostly involve sweet and occasionally broken men being head over heels for awesome ladies. So that dynamic is strongly encouraged.

I also like smut, but it certainly isn’t a necessity. For smut, I’m (sadly) fairly vanilla. But I like light bondage, cunningulus, shower sex, and accidental/consensual voyeurism, (Particularly guys taking matters into their own hands when they think they can’t be with their lady, and the woman stumbling across him mid-act. Possibly my favourite kink ever? Writer’s choice whether the woman joins in or gets embarrassed)

Happy endings (or at least hopeful endings) are preferred. Like, super, super preferred. I don’t mind angst at all, but it kinda has to be on the way out of the darkness by the end.

Dislikes/DNWs:

Miserable endings. Major character death. Baby/Pregnancy/kidfic. Drugs use/drug mentions/addiction. Self harm/abuse. Non-con/rape. Heavy kink. A/B/O. M-Preg. Incest. Bestiality, animal harm etc. Nothing underage. Unbalanced power dynamics. 1st person POV (unless for epistolary). Not big on high school AUs or Rock band AUs.

I think that’s it?

And so, to the fandoms, in no particular order:

The Awakening

Florence Cathcart, Robert Mallory

So, I love this film, and I love these two characters. I really dug the way their relationship developed through the film, right up until the slightly ambiguous ending.

This film hit a bunch of my favourite tropes, mostly in the character types it used for these two. Florence is a bit caustic in the beginning of the film, and I love that she slowly reveals her vulnerabilities. Robert, the broken former soldier, is the perfect match for her. And the slow-burn chemistry between them super worked for me.

So, basically, I just want more of them!

Florence is canon into voyeurism (both in that she liked watching Robert, and liked the idea of him watching her) - so what is the sex life with Robert like going forward? Does she like to watch and be watched? (Either way, I see her as liking to be in control of it, not so much the idea of strangers watching her, or it being done without her consent)

Post-movie, Florence and Robert are separated for a time - do they write each other letters?

Florence now believes in ghosts. Where does that leave her career? Does she still hunt down the fakes, as well as the real things? Does Robert come with her? Or do people come to her with their supernatural troubles?

Robert is nervous about proposing, but Florence is getting impatient.

On their honeymoon, they go to some of the oldest places in Europe. Surely there are ghosts lurking in every corner. What kind of trouble do they get into?

Florence Cathcart: Demon Hunter (Have fun with it! If ghosts exist, why not demons?)

A missing scene from the film with additional/bonus pining?

I do really want a happy ending here for Florence and Robert, but if you want to do something interesting with the hints that she might be a ghost herself at the end of the film, I’ll be interested if you can make it work.

Strike (TV Series)

Cormoran Strike, Robin Ellacott

So, I ship these two a lot. I love the dynamic that they have, where Strike has been pretty into her from day one, and tried to keep his distance, and Robin is in total denial about her feelings. I like that they are both clever and each have their strengths, and very much appreciate that about each other. Lots of mutual admiration going on!

If you want to write me Getting Together fic for these two, it would be amazing! But I’ve tried to keep my prompts open so you can write what works for you.

One thing I just want to request: If you can be as euphemistic as possible about Strike’s mother’s death, that would be great. The descriptions in the book hit some awful triggers for me and I have to skim them, but I’d rather not do that to your fic! So “she died” is fine, but anything about the details of the day itself - no thanks. I really appreciate this!

So, prompts:

Casefic - Strike and Robin are hired to investigate something, but it turns out to be more than it first appears.

Any of my fave fanfic tropes - undercover as married, stakeouts, forced bed sharing, etc. I feel this is a couple ripe for the classic tropes!

Also, Trapped Together - what happens if they are stuck somewhere and can’t escape?

Road trip hunting a serial killer the police don’t believe exists.

Robin’s first solo case as partner turns into a bit of a mess.

A slightly more specific casefic prompt with an added side of kink: A hotel manager hires Strike to investigate which of his employees is placing cameras in the guests’ rooms. Only thing is, he wants them to be discrete so the culprit doesn’t know they are onto him, so Strike ropes Robin in to play his wife and they check into the hotel. Problem is, to be convincing they have to play a couple even in private, because of the cameras watching their every move…

Robin doesn’t marry Matthew. I don’t mind how you do it - whether you let her find out about him deleting her messages before the ceremony and she calls it off; if she punches Matthew in the face at the altar; if she says “actually, I don’t” and just walks away from the asshole...any of the above! I just don’t want her legally bound to that douche. Strike can definitely help with this if you like.

A lot of people from Strike’s past show up in CoE. Do any others try to exact revenge?

Matthew is killed. The police think Robin did it. And Strike’s not so sure she didn’t…

FYI, I have read the first three books in the series, so feel free to use elements of those. But I doubt I’ll have read Lethal White before reveals (because I’m cheap, tbh, and I don’t buy ebooks for $15) so no spoilers, please! (Sorry!)

Tomb Raider (2018)

Lara Croft, Lu Ren

I thought these two had great chemistry, and I’m bummed they didn’t get together in the film. (I still have a slight hope we’ll get a sequel, however small!) I love that he really digs the fact that she’s a badass, (“Some men like dangerous women”), but he can definitely hold his own against her. And they work really well together as a team.

I also wanted to see them go on all kinds of adventures together! I think they’d get themselves into a lot of trouble and have a lot of fun doing it.

Prompts:

What happens directly after the end of the film? Does he go with her to London? Or do they part ways?

How do they meet up again? Where do they meet up?

Lara finds herself in trouble, and calls her old friend for help. (Or, Lu Ren finds himself in trouble, and calls Lara)

They get shipwrecked together and have to survive

Lara asks for his help bringing down Trinity (Do they plot an elaborate plan to take them down? Do they go searching for a weapon/information/person that might help them defeat Trinity?)

Lu Ren comforts Lara after she finds a friend (Ana?) has betrayed her

On an adventure somewhere, Lara accidentally stumbles on Lu Ren naked.

Missing scene where they bang on the ship

All of the tropes. Bed sharing. Trapped together. Undercover as a couple. I never say no to a trope.

Thank you in advance for writing for me!

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1. Tell us about your WIP!Currently I’m working on a lesbian romance novel about two girls in college,one is a double majoring in business and english education, the other doublemajors in computer science and astrophysics (the college she goes to doesn’t do“rocket science” or aeronautical engineering, so this is probably as close asshe’s going to get for programing rockets and theoretical space flightpaths/devices). The other major part of the story is that the MC (the rocketscientist) is searching for her missing brother at the same time.

3. What is your favorite/least favorite part aboutwriting?My favorite part about writing is that moment hen someone tells me eitherthat they like my writing or gives me some kind of critique/encouragement (yes,I actually like receiving constructive criticism). My least favorite part aboutwriting is trying find people to give that critique/trying to stay focusedenough to actually finish a story.

5. Top five formative books?I don’t know what this means but the books I read as a child that made mewant to write were: 1. The Magic Treehouse Series 2. Molly Moon’s IncredibleBook of Hypnotism 3. Bloody Jack 4. The Tale-Tell Heart (and other Edgar AllenPoe things) 5. The Little Princebooks that shaped my writing style/preferences though were 1. Molly Moon’sIncredible Book of Hypnotism 2. Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witchof the West 3. Welcome to Night Vale: The Novel 4. The Hitchhiker’s Guide tothe Galaxy 5. Martin the Warrior

6. Favorite character you’ve written?Fandom: Sera, Leliana, Josephine, Cole (Dragon Age), Jack, Liara, Peebee (MassEffect), Pharah (overwatch), Raven (Teen Titans), Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)Original: Cassandra Tesla (the MC of the wip from question 1), Scion, Xia,Sage, Ruka, and Nvros

8. Do you have anywriting buddies or critique partners? yes! @wardenpharah @snowstorm-thirteen @uswhovianswillholdasiton and acouple others who I mostly talk to on discord

9. Favorite/leastfavorite tropes? Favorite: I don’t know trope names, but there’s trope that I didn’t know was atrope until I came across it in a few fics and a podcast where basicallysomeone is separated from their spouse and when they meet back up with themthey’re like “I missed you so much! Btw I kind of accidentally adopted thiskid/[wayward character]”; that trope “remove your weapons” *pulls a ridiculousamount of weapons out of nowhere* “ALL of them” *reluctantly hands over one ortwo more*; “will this work?” “I have no idea” *thing explodes* “was it supposedto do that?” “I don’t know but it was awesome!”Least favorite: that trope where they destroy the MCs hometown/house/familyjust so the MC has nothing tying them back to where they began and then proceedto do absolutely nothing with that plotwise and it affects nothing but gettingthe MC to actually leave their town

10. Pick an author(or writing friend) to co-write a book with@snowstorm-thirteen or @wardenpharah or one of my new friends from discordwhose tumblr I’ve forgotten

12. Which story ofyours do you like best? why? Original Works: either Light in the Dark or The Forgotten Realm of Dreams orThe Invisibles, because they’re all really really gay and really really nerdyFanfic: Is This Home Yet is without a doubt my best work ever. I’m consideringrewriting it as a novel. Wouldn’t be hard because the only thing making it afanfic and not an original work is that I used the two mcs to basically justget more attention.

13. Describe yourwriting processIt tends to be: sit down, open a notebook/grab paper/open scrivener/word/googledocs, stare at the page, start writing, erase things, write different things,listen to music, check tumblr, write more, somehow things get done or they don’tget done.

15. How do you dealwith self-doubt when writing? look at paper, say “I hate this”, cry, complain to anyone who will listen,stop writing for however long that takes, go back to writing, say “this is bad”,complain more, talk shit out, then it branches: if feel better, keep writing! Ifnot, stop writing and play video games then come back to writing two or threedays later!

16. Cover love/dreamcovers? I love me some good book covers, but professional ones are expensive orrequire talent that I do not have. Light in the Dark would be good with eithera mysterious cover, cover with a bunch of letters and envelopes, a soft gaycover with two girls that fit Cass and Ruka’s descriptions, or a cover that’s likethe soft gay cover but with space and video games/a computer incorporated intoit.

17. What things(scenes/topics/character types) are you most comfortable writing? scenes: anything not smut or fightingtopics: I’m comfortable writing about anything except incest/ddlg|mmlb/anythingthat falls in the realm of ‘not my thing to talk about’ (ie. I will write transcharacters, but not specifically about trans issues—nonbinary/agender issuesthough I will; I’ll write mlm characters but not specifically about theirissues; I’ll write poc or religious characters but I won’t write specificallyabout the issues that they face-without a lot of research and talking to peopleand such—because it’s just not my place. To explain a bit, I mean that I’llwrite characters that are not like me, and will do research to make sure I don’taccidentally do that in an offensive manner, but I won’t tell their stories forthem because I am not them. I hope this makes sense.)character types: women or nonbinary individuals, rebels, nerds, autistics,abuse victims/survivors, lesbians, ace people, the secretly nerdy femme, thesecretly nerdy butch, the secretly nerdy anyone,the tough girl who likes soft things, the soft girl who will kick your ass, thereptile person (person who likes reptiles), pirate, scientist, explorer, ectthere’s a lot of character types I love to write

25. What’s yourworldbuilding process like? this deserves its own post

21. What aspect ofyour writing are you most proud of? characterization

22. Tell us about thebooks on your “to write” listmost of them are in some way all part of the same series, but not necessarilyconnected, and not necessarily linearly or direct successors. Some/most can be stand-alonethat just happen to take place in the same universe as the others

27. Every writer’sleast favorite question - where does your inspiration come from? Do you docertain things to make yourself more inspired? Is it easy for you to come upwith story ideas?Dreams. Most if not all my story inspiration and ideas come from dreams, therest come from songs or random thoughts that just get stuck in my head. To getmore inspired I play games, bounce ideas off my friends, listen to music, orsleep. It’s fairly easy for me to come up with ideas, almost as easy as comingup with characters *shoves my like 300 ocs into the closet*

28. How do you stayfocused on your own work and how do you deal with comparison?I don’t focus, that’s the problem that’s why there’s so much unfinished shit onmy ao3. Tbh I’m usually the one doing the comparing and I deal with it bylearning from the work I’m comparing mine to and improving.

30. Do you like toread books similar to your project while you’re drafting or do you stick tonon-fiction/un-similar works?I don’t read. I can’t focus long enough to read. Instead I play video games inthe same genre or daydream or occasionally relisten to the Welcome To NightVale novel audiobook. I’m starting to branch out and try to find otheraudiobooks to listen to, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is a pretty goodone on Audio.

33. What’s yourrevision/rewriting process like?draft one on one side of the screen, draft two on the other side of thescreen and literally rewriting draft one in draft 2. Sometimes I’ll rewrite onthe same document using markups like strikethrough instead of deleting thingsand other colors for the new additions, also lots and lots of sleeping andcrying, and soda (I don’t drink coffee).

34. Unpopular writingthoughts/opinions? Ernest Hemmingway sucks. He’s a terrible writer and you should not aspire towrite like him nor should you look up to him. Said is a perfectly valid word.The Oxford Comma is required not optional. Adverbs are not bad, use them if youwant. First person is a valid form to write in. Parenthetical asides (likethis) are just as valid as hyphenated asides—like this—and should be used if itfits the story/narration style. If your pov character doesn’t understand theforeign language the other character is speaking, putting the words in theother language in the text with a footnote translation is just as valid as “hesaid something in [language] but MC didn’t understand it.” Stalking is notromantic. Unhappy endings do not belong in the romance genre. Your charactercan be gay without complaining about it or it making their life hard. You canhave more than one minority character! You characters never going to thebathroom is unrealistic. Mosquitoes are a thing and if your character isoutside in the summer they had better damn well be protecting themselvesagainst them or slapping at at least one. A romance story with a character whowon’t take no for an answer, who isn’tthe antagonist/big (or little) bad, is not romantic. A romance story where thecharacters kiss or have sex when one of them clearly doesn’t want to, is notromantic. BOTH characters in your romance story need to change by the end ofthe story, that’s just good characterization. You can have polyamorouscharacters, but we are not a kink/fetish, if you don’t actually support actualpolyamorous people in real life don’t write about us in your fiction it’sdisrespectful and you’re probably going to do it wrong. Cheating is notromantic. Asexuals exist, Aromantics exist, Bisexuals exist. Romance doesn’tneed sex. … I’ll stop now, I have a lot of things I could say here.

35. Post the lastsentence you wroteShe blinked them back, willing herself not to cry.

36. Post a snippetCassandra had never been one for plans, if she had she might have actuallytalked with her roommate before move-inday. Even so, despite not planning things much, she did have goals. Her goal onmove-in day was simple: move in, preferably alone. She’d been under theimpression that she was the first one to arrive and that her roommate wouldn’tbe coming until later in the day. So, it was a shock to her when she arrived ather dorm room and found it was already open. She tapped her foot against the doorto get the attention of whoever was inside the room. She couldn’t quite see whomight be in there through the boxes that she was carrying.

“I hope you don’t mind,” a soft voice from inside the roomsaid, “it’s just that it was easier to leave the door open than to have to keepunlocking it.”

Cassandra tilted her head as she walked into the room,lowering the boxes just enough to see over them as she did so. “It’s notrouble,” she replied. “Who are you?”

The girl she was addressing, that she assumed was herroommate, was probably the most delicate looking girl she’d ever seen—wearing alight blue sundress with a ribbon around her waist and matching Mary Janes. Inher mind, the girl gave the impression of the enchanted rose from Beauty and the Beast; almost more likean idea than a person. She had long dark blonde—or was it light brown—hair withfaint, but still visible, red and dark brown streaks running through it, asthough it contained a fire within its French braid. Her smile was soft, barelyeven visible, and she looked like she might have played a sport in highschool—probably archery or fencing. Her brown eyes sparkled in the light fromthe window, like a stone of topaz against a blanket of snow. Never in her life,had Cassandra ever seen a girl that made her wonder if she was staring, but shehad now.

37. Do you ever writelong handed or do you prefer to type everything?100% depends on the story, and the day, and whether or not my eyes hurt.Sometimes ideas flow better on paper, sometimes typed, sometimes they flowbetter when I talk them out those days are bad for writing but good for gettingideas.

42. How many draftsdo you usually write before you feel satisfied? 100% depends on if it’s original work or fanfiction. Original works I’m usuallynot satisfied even after 6, 7, or even 10 drafts. Fanfiction, sometimes I justpost up the first draft without caring, sometimes I’m more satisfied with a seconddraft. It usually doesn’t go beyond that.

48. Do you prefer towrite skimpy drafts and flesh them out later, or write too much and cut itback?I just write. Usually my second draft is longer and more detailed than thefirst, and by the 5th or 6th everything has changedbecause of added or removed details.

51. Are you asecretive writer or do you talk with your friends about your books?I don’t shut up about my writing, not with my friends.

52. Who do you writefor? Myself., or anyone who pays me.

54. Favorite firstline/opening you’ve written? Absolutely nothing could go wrong, she thought just exactly as everythingwent wrong.

50. Do you share yourrough drafts or do you wait until everything is all polished?I share them, if I waited until they were polished no one would ever get toread them

55. How do you manageyour time/make time for writing? (do you set aside time to write every day ordo you only write when you have a lot of free time?) I have no job and no life. 0/10 do not recommend my method of having writingtime