#not unhappy though... how could i with these dorks?! ;)

[popchoc]

WITH YOU I'M BORN AGAIN - A Clexa Fic

A new planet brings new enemies, but help is just around the corner. "I told you I’ll always be with you."

A The 100  / FTWD / TWD crossover, following two long lost lovers - together with their friends and foes - in their search for freedom.

Tags: Adventure | Romance | Friendship | Family | Conflict | Loss | Hurt & Comfort | Plot Twists | Canon until feb 2019 | What if they never landed on Sanctum? | Probably too much fluff for a zombie apocalypse | And yes most likely some quite some adult cuddling too ;-)

CHAPTER 57 — DAY 99-100: CLARKE

"I don't... I can't... feel anymore," I mutter, almost to myself. "Ever since that first day, that first wave of pain, I'm... numb." I lower my gaze. "It's like there's this lump of ice around my heart. Separating me from everything else. It's like... I know that the world is still turning, but I'm not really here. I don't feel it, I don't see it, everything is just..." "Gray?" I look up at her. "Yes! Everything is gray, and senseless, and... making me believe that... that I might be the one who's dead!" "But you're not," Lexa quietly answers, nodding towards her hand on my chest. "Your heart wouldn't be racing if you were." I shake my head. "I don't even know how to cry anymore. Which might sound like a win, but it's not. It's not, Lex, it's..." Without finishing, I promptly lean in again, muffling against her lips, "I need to feel again. You need to make me feel." My kiss is rough, close to aggressive, leaving her with no choice but to take it - reading and accepting my desperation for what it is. She lowers her hand, saves me that one barrier, and I immediately press against her - my body firmly pinning hers. But it's still not enough. "Please make me feel," I hear myself plead. My hands grab her hips, pull her into me. "Please..." That's when she stops me. "Hey, hey," she hushes softly, "I will, okay. I will. But not like this." She takes my arm, and when she starts leading me away from the wall, I let her. We lie down on the bed, on top of the sheets; our eyes connected the whole time. "No anger, no hurry, alright? I got this," she whispers. "I got you."

continue on AO3

[leonawriter]

Poor Shinichi he just wanted his detective friends to be friends too. He’s seeing a friend be rude to an other one because Heiji was in guard/attack dog mode for him . And it just gets worse from there.

Yeah D:

Like... I wonder if he even sees this happening, having had all his various experiences, and he's just a bit. "O-oh. Oh..."

Because looking at his expressions?

He's playing up the "little kid" vibe here, but he's not unhappy.

I could read this as "Can't we just get along? Can we? We have SO much in common."

And honestly, Shinichi would have a lot to talk about with Hakuba! They're both huge Holmes dorks!

Compared to how Hattori got Holmes facts wrong when he went to a Holmes Otaku retreat to find Shinichi there, and garnered the ire of many present when he said Ellery Queen was his favourite detective over Holmes.

Here he is being kind of "what the fresh hell is going on. How do I react to this. Hattori you absolute walnut."

By the end, he's just watching on in... well. I'm sure this couldn't have been comfortable for him? And then Hakuba cedes his position to him and I'm sure Shinichi'd have to know that's an odd thing for a 16-17 year old detective with pride to do.

If anything, this seems to be the only time he reacts to Hakuba with anything other than "can we stop fighting and let me make friends" and it's because Hakuba seems to be treating him like the little kid he appears to be, and- something to do with calling Shinichi "Mister." I don't know if that's a translation thing or not, though.

But yeah, Shinichi just... he sure was along for the ride here. :c

[inflammatoryfandomblog]

the fandom’s discourse around dark magic is pretty much just a manifestation of “people know what they’re upset with, but not the root cause/can’t verbalize a solution to what they’re upset about.”

people who are unhappy with how dark magic is treated generally understand how the narrative frames it. they are correct in saying that there is a problem, and that it somehow involves the setting and dark magic, and then say that maybe it could be fixed if the magic system were changed. but their prescribed solution doesn’t work. the deeper problem is how the narrative uses (or doesn’t use) dark magic.

(flashback reel effect here, basically entirely rewritten but the format still doesn’t work for a full-fleged post so i will keep this transition in.)

that’s what really kills dark magic in this series, right? the fantasy question, “was dark magic good to use and when should it be used, if ever?” should be a jumping off point to explore all the other ways in which people value and instrumentalize power (ie sol regem literally saying the humans are inferior because they are less powerful) instead of staying only at the shallow level of “dork magic is bad for you.” just because the elves don’t use dark magic doesn’t mean they are immune to this discussion. indeed, the very first episode of the show shows us the moon elves engaging in a ritual that can be described as blood magic--binding their limbs to the blood of their targets; is this supposed to be magic that is Pure and Good? is the base problem really just dark magic, or what it represents? and more importantly, is what it represents limited to its practioners? the early answer--especially that we see this stuff from the xadians and are informed of their implied failed genocide early on--would be “no.”

but the later answer is “yes.” this early promise of the show is undercut by the show’s babybrained morality re: xadia and the elves. it never really critiques power in general at all except if its dark magic. it’s all fine and dandy and fun and smart to dunk on the humans, but xadians? insensitive. soren is bad and stupid for making a bad tactical decision, but pyrrah is a Good Dragon Friend even when retaliating against a whole village. it’s not tragic when ezran (a dumb child king who just let this happen) napalms his own people, because they have already been de-personed by dark magic. how convenient! 

and the story that dark magic creates--even if it is inherently harmful--is a great tragic story! the xadians, obsessed with power and how power makes you who you are, are stabbed in the back when some of the dredges finally discover a way to speak their language--and this doesn’t cause basically any self-reflection on their part. instead they basically go all out genocidal and no matter how bad dark magic is, this is extremely disproportionate. but the series still goes “but they are no angels!!! but they are no angels!!!” to basically one side only. for the xadians, the show (and even the supplementary material!) basically does backflips and contortions to show how they are nuanced and how humans should respect them, but there’s basically nothing the other direction.

you can say “oh good inflammatoryfandomblog!!! you’re seeing the point!!!” except i don’t really believe that the show has any intentions of making good on this initial promise. it has given me no indication of doing so, and its asymmetric treatment of the conflict basically does the opposite of the above. this problem does not go away if you change the magic system. this problem does not go away by simply noting the thematic potential of the setup of dark magic. ideas are cheap, though this is one that perhaps costs a nickel instead of a penny. the real problem is the execution.

[bonefideqt]

Hope - Birthday drabble for Nicky

So I felt like writing something cute and saw that it was @vrnicky birthday today I though it would be cute to write a little something for them.

I do hope you like this little drabble of mine. I choose to use Classic Papyrus for this one.

I'm word blind so sorry if there is some weird wording or grammar mistakes. I really don't see a lot of them even if I where to read it a 100 times. So, sorry for that in that case.

Word count: 753

Story under cut:

Today was your birthday and so far, your day had absolutely sucked. First you had managed to oversleep and had to skip breakfast. Second, on the short walk from your car to your work, a passing car had managed to hit a puddle, soaking your pants and shoes.  

You had tried to dry up as much as possible in the bathroom under the automatic hand driers but there was only so much time before you had to get started on work.  

Work was stressful and you barely had time for your allotted breaks, you considered skipping lunch but you knew your datemate would be very unhappy if you skipped lunch as well. So, you grabbed some of the overpriced lunch food that were available.  

Bad work day, none of your colleagues wished you a happy birthday and your phone was dead. Seemed like it didn’t charge last night even though you plugged it in. You just wanted to go home, put on comfy clothes and lie in bed. You would deal with all the messaged left on your phone from your friends and family tomorrow.  

You could really feel the fatigue pull on your body as you walked to your apartment door. Soon you could relax. Opening your door, you were hit with the warm smell of food. As you closed and locking the door you felt so confused. Why did the place smell like delicious food? 

Before you could contemplate further a tall skeleton walked out of the kitchen and approached you with his bright smile. Your wonderful datemate Papyrus, walked straight to you and lifted you up in one of his famous hugs, you hugged back the best you could. 

“Happy Birthday My Dear!” He whispered softly into your ear, his voice that was always so loud and bright, was now a soft whisper, only used for the people closest to him and for special times. You loved him normal tone of voice, but damn did this soft voice send pleasant tingles down your spine.  

“Hey Paps, thank you. What are you doing here?” you couldn’t remember if you had made any plans together or not. As you were about to apologize, he moved you so you were sort of sitting on his arm so he could look at you. You became speechless for a moment when you looked back at him. His face full of love and adoration, all for you. Just being here in his arms made the fatigue and stress from work just melt away, you couldn't believe how lucky you were to have him.  

“I’ve Got Some Food Cooking Dear, it Will Be Done Soon But First Go Take A Relaxing Shower. I Have Already Prepared Some Comfortable Clothes For You. I Figured You Were Busy At Work Since You Didn’t Reply So I Hope It’s Alright That I Let Myself In So I Could Make The Best Of Birthday Dinners For You. Nyehehe.”  

You thanked him and kissed his cheek. After having taken a nice warm shower and gotten into clean comfy clothes you walked into your living room and saw your little dining table all decked out for a romantic dinner. Awwwh that romantic dork.   

Together you sat and had a lovely dinner, chatting about everything and noting, him telling you about his day and you ranting about you work. Once dinner was done he brough out some cake slices he had bought with him, proclaiming that having one slice of cake with ungodly amount of sugar in it was okay on birthdays. You knew his meals for the next week would be extra healthy just to compensate.  

Your gift from him was a thing you had mentioned in passing that you wanted but had trouble finding. You loved how he paid attention to what you said and had remembered. Did you mention how lucky you were that you were dating this guy? Because hot damn.  

Once leftover where done and dishes cleaned. You two snuggled up on the couch to watch a movie together. Cuddled up you couldn’t believe how shitty the day had started and how your wonderful datemate turned your day around just like that.  

“I love you Papyrus.” you whispered as you both locked eyes. 

“I Love You Too Dearest.” he said as he leaned down to meet your lips in a kiss. 

For the rest of the nigh you two stayed cuddled up and by the end of it, all you could think was that he truly was your Hope.

Happy Birthday Nicky. I hope you like this and enjoyed reading this little drabble of mine. I read in your master list that you see classic Papyrus as your Hope, so I used that as inspiration :3

[more-than-a-princess]

Tsubasa: 🐸New friends 💋 good/bad influence (COOL INFLUENCE) ♝ Found family (at least on Tsubasa's part - if you're a friend, you're family to them)

Anzu: 🐸New friends ▲ Besties (eventually, as far as she's concerned) 💃Partners in Crime (the crime is 'bothering shinobu')

Shinobu: ♫ Reluctant friends (from Shinobu, at least) 💋 good/bad influence (bad influence? good influence? who is to say really) ➣ One-sided crush (from Shinobu, she's gonna be very unhappy with herself about it) perhaps into € Mutual unknown longing (perhaps maybe maybe)

Relationship dynamics meme - Accepting. So very much accepting. Please send this in if you'd like to write with me/already are writing with me so we can plot!

Ooh so many great ideas! I'll respond to this by muse:

Tsubasa: Yes PLEASE have Tsubasa be Sonia's cool influence! I could see them becoming friends very quickly and easily, and Tsubasa teaches Sonia cool slang and not to sound like a 40 year old trapped in an 18 year old's body. Take Sonia to skating competitions! Or concerts! Or other cool teenage things! Let Sonia put temporary bright streaks or extensions in her hair and neon makeup! Give her a digital pet (that she will suck at taking care of but it's the thought that counts)!

She will be totally poggers in no time do people even say poggers or vibe or mood anymore but yeah Sonia still will because it's Sonia and no matter how hard someone tries, she's a dork. She's a dork around regular people because she's so sheltered. She's a dork in the upper classes because she's obsessed with horror/occult/serial killers/anime/dramas/gothic and romantic literature.

In Sonia's case, she can teach Tsubasa all about etiquette, or public speaking, or languages. Or horror movies. Is Tsubasa easily scared? For their sake, I hope they aren't.

Don't let Sonia cook for them either but that goes for any and all muses!

Anzu: Sonia will have no choice but to become besties with Anzu. One, she's just so nice and friendly and energetic! And two, Anzu will hear about how her bestest friend ever Shinobu met the Princess of Novoselic and didn't outright hate her and, if I'm right about this, that's good enough for Anzu.

These two tag each other in new IG filters and swoon over dramas, I bet. Anzu tries to take Sonia to do young, cool and hip teenage girl things, like meeting her favorite hosts at the host club, but Sonia is uncomfortable by the prospect of paying someone to talk to her/be her friend. If just for the fact her family has already done that in the past, or people tend to befriend her because they want what she represents or something she has, instead of who she is.

Anzu is also the Queen of the Stairs. That is: Sonia will learn to think twice about taking the stairs at Hope's Peak Academy - she'll never know who's lying at the bottom, clearly in pain from a certain gremlin who has pushed them and made it look like an accident (my money is on Hiyoko ending up there sooner rather than later).

But still, very good and agreeable friends, though Anzu always seems to be laser focused on...

Shinobu: Oh yes, if there's any reluctance in this friendship, it's on Shinobu's end. Sonia is already plenty entertained by their morbid outlook on their attire and the ball in general, so she'll be more than happy to befriend them. Despite all the rumors floating around Hope's Peak about how cruel Shinobu Yaguchi is towards...well, everyone. But especially girls who get too close to them and then get disappointed when they're rejected.

Fortunately for Shinobu, dating them isn't at the forefront of Sonia's mind, at least not at first. She's just happy to make a new friend! One that happens to be thoughtful, introspective, brooding, bitter but kind to at least one person/Anzu, tends to need a hug and a smile more than most...well, you can see where I'm going with this:

mutual/known longing is likely to happen in this case. I can see Sonia feeling at ease in their company, as they likely won't care about her title and is far more interested in Sonia's personality, or at least the concerning parts of it: her obsession with the disturbing and the fact she's not breaking out in tears every time Shinobu glares at her, or tells her she's annoying, or some other tactic that usually makes other girls crumble.

Sonia's not like other girls: she's got concerning hobbies, believes the best in everyone, and is an absolute idiot when it comes to recognizing someone is in love with her (Kazuichi aside).

They need all the help they can get, but don't tell Anzu that. She'll only be more determined to resolve this one-sided crush that could turn into mutual pining. They can both be the good/bad influence!

Also: can we say a prayer for Sonia's windows (from Shinobu) and Sonia's general privacy (from Anzu)? RIP to both. She won't see them intact again: not for long, at least.

[coyoxxtl]

Link's character in BOTW and TOTK is interesting since he's honestly the first time we get much of a sense of Link's actual personality since Wind Waker and the implications in Twilight Princess, since he's never really been able to emote or communicate directly, but in this game, we can infer a LOT from both ludonarrative story (there are some actions Link CAN'T perform, which means that he is willing to do the things he CAN do, given context or motivation) and what the gameplay encourages him to do, and his lines.

So this presents us with a Link who is under a huge amount of stress, but when he's not stressed, he's just a delightfully horrendous goblin. He constantly messes with people, phrases things in odd ways in a whimsical way ("I am he"), deliberately screwing with people for no reason, entirely willing to set himself on fire in the middle of Death Mountain to see what happens when you use a potion this way, and can be very impatient and irritable, but also strangely savvy about the sort of gameplay he has to deal with and being annoyed about fetch quests or no one just helping him when asked.

i was actually surprised when it was stated in game that he is from a noble family and is an ACTUAL knight, because the gameplay, close relationship with the Zora, Gorons and Koroks gave me the assumption that he was actually raised by gorons, spent a lot of time among the koroks and was childhood friends with Mipha, and I think his backstory is vague enough so that this COULD still be true, he was simply adopted into a noble family once it was confirmed he was the incarnation of the Hero, which is one reason he's unhappy and uncomfortable in Hylian high society until Zelda warms up to him

fr i find this Link so fun. people harp on his “emotionlessness” and ig his stone face is only a little jarring in significant cutscenes but i always figured any Lack of reaction is because we’re meant to project onto him. that’s Link’s whole point as a playable protag anyway. so i never really thought abt it like that lol

in totk there was a convo with a girl in hateno and idk how it went exactly but she was like “i cant let you love me you must stay away” and he was like “but i cant stay away!” and u can make him say it like three times after she says no like, what a dork who is this guy. and we Know he’s fucking around because we’re fucking around, it’s fun i love him.

i was surprised by him being a knight bc i don’t recall a Link being a royal knight in other versions. like he’s mostly been a young man, or actual kid, from the backwoods who becomes the Hero as a call to fated action. this Link was like, almost always expected to be that, and w him being Zeldas personal knight it gave their relationship another layer. It’s more intimate than other versions.

Goron raised Link gives a great mental vision though, can explain why he can eat rocks.

[theboysfromaustin]

February 17, 2020

It was around 3:30 when Anders and Dermot left with the baby.  Ian stood at the window, watching them leave.  Kazuo flopped into Gav's lap, reaching up to twirl his fingers in his goatee.  "We have a grandson…" Gav's voice was quiet.  "Yeah…" Kazuo smiled. Ian sighed, pressing his hand to the window.  "What's up?" "Our baby boy is a father.  He's really all grown up." "Yeah. He is." "Seeing our grandson…." "He is perfect…even if he does look like a spindly raisin."

"We're going shopping."

"What?" "Excuse me?"

Ian turned, eyes shining with tears, "We're gonna get so much baby gear for them.  Our boy is a dad.  We didn't have him as a baby, but…." He broke into a massive grin, "We are going to spoil this child." "How much can we realistically fit in the Aston Martin?" "Two cars.  Kazuo, Gav, you follow." "He's serious." "Ian…" "Can't stop him now, Gav, just buckle up 'cause we're along for the ride." Ian grinned, heading for the kitchen, "C'mon boys, we're going to the baby store."

"Baby store's a good name for the sperm bank."

Ian snorted, "Why are you consistently the funniest person here?" "Probably undiagnosed mental illness." Gav gently cuffed him in the arm as they headed for the cars, Ian getting in and rolling down the window, "South on Mo-Pac.  Follow me." 

They followed Ian's car, Kazuo leaning his head out the wind, piercings rattling.  "You sound like a wind chime." He stuck his tongue out at the redhead.  "Hey, Kaz?" "Yeah?" "What was it like when you guys took in Anders?" Kazuo shut his eye, remembering that day almost 16 years ago, "Ian was nervous.  Terribly nervous.  He was afraid.  I'd never seen him afraid before.  I had to remind him that he had me to help him.  That we could do it."

"I know it was a rough beginning…" "Yeah…I think Ian was a little afraid of making me the father of a teenager, but I didn't care.  Anders was Ian's son.  And I'd do anything for Ian, so wanting to love and raise the boy came naturally - though I'm sure Anders would bring up all the embarrassing things I did around him.  I never had a dad who loved me enough to be a dork around me.  I was making up for lost time….now I can be an embarrassing dork around young Ian."

They continued south to a shopping center on Brodie lane, Kazuo taking note of the Chick Fil-A, "Hey, we should go there, touch everything and infect it with our gay germs," then he perked up further, "Ah shit, there's a Michael's!  Let's get some rainbow glitter, I'll grab a handful, run into the restaurant, throw it and yell, 'HOMO BLAST!'" Gav started laughing, choked on spit, and nearly hit a curb as Ian turned down an aisle.

Ian looked in his rearview mirror as Gav swerved, then pulled into a spot, Gav pulling in next to him.  "Need driver's ed again, red?" "Your husband made me choke!" "You liked it last night!" This immediately got them a dirty look from a woman holding a baby, Ian offered a wave and an embarrassed grin, "Why is he always my husband when he's being snotty?" "You married him." "Yeah, you're stuck with me." Ian unceremoniously picked Kazuo up and dropped him in the basket of a cart, "Sit."

Kazuo leaned on the cart handle with a devilish grin as Ian began to push it, Gav falling in step beside him as they made their way into Buy Buy Baby, immediately assaulted by the aggressive air conditioning and the wails of unhappy children.  Gav flinched immediately.  "You okay, red?  Need your ear plugs?" "No…I'm just not really used to kids screaming in stereo." "The boy seems to be a pretty chill baby." "Mum said I was a quiet baby." "My mom said I was wild.  She used to put me in a sling and dance to Joy Division with me." 

"You're still wild."

"You like it."

"God help me, I do." "He's a menace." "I like being a menace." "Alright, you two, what do we need?" "Clothes?" "Diapers?" "Good starts.  They said they had a crib for us, so we'll need sheets.  Also probably a high chair, for when he's older," he pushed the cart, noticing the stares they were getting.  Kazuo hammed it up, waving like royalty as they approached the clothes. "He probably doesn't need anything more complex than onesies." "Yeah, I think Anders and Dermot might kill us if we buy him anything with tons of buttons." "How about zippers?  We can make him into Bruno Bucciarati." "You are the worst type of nerd." "At least I own it," Kazuo smirked. "Be good and help us look at baby stuff." 

Ian stepped up to the shelves, looking through the clothing, Gav on another rack.  The redhead was holding up onesies, with Kazuo offering running commentary.  Ian picked up a pale green-checked onesie with 'I love my grandpa' on it, and froze.  Gav kept going through clothing for a couple minutes before anyone noticed.

Ian had gone silent.  Gav looked up from the clothes, "Huh?  Hey, Ian?" Kazuo climbed out of the cart and touched his upper arm, looking up at his husband. Ian was crying, tears streaming down his face, corners of his lips quivering.  Concerned, Gav reached up to touch his cheek, and Ian flinched.  "Baby, what's wrong?" "Hey, c'mere…" Gav led him to a bench, where Ian sat, staring at the floor.  Kazuo got on his knees, leaning on Ian, chin on his head, "You told me a very long time ago how you always wanted to be a dad.  You deserve this family." 

"What scares me the most is that I may not see him grow up."

An icy pit immediately formed in Kazuo's stomach.  Ian would be 81 in just a couple of months.  "Don't say that.  You're not allowed to talk like that…" He buried his face into Ian's hair, taking in his scent - shampoo, light cologne, black tea.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't fearmonger.  It's…it's all finally come together.  The complete family I always wanted.  I know I just met the boy, but I need to protect him.  He's perfect.  If anything happened to him, I…I'd…" He shut his eyes, whimpering.  "Okay, okay, come here big man," Kazuo sat down, pulling Ian's head to his chest.  Gav clung to his other side, "We'll all watch over him.  He's going to have a great childhood with us." "You…you're right.  We're going to make the most of these years." "Yeah.  C'mon…let's keep shopping."

—--

Ian flopped on the couch, looking at the things piled up in the living room.  Gav and Kazuo flopped on either side with happy sighs.  Kazuo opened his eye, "Uh, hey…have either of you ever changed a diaper?" "Nnnnno." "No, only baby I was ever around was your mum, and your grandparents took care of those things." "Maybe we should…practice?" Gav held up his hands.  "On what?" The three men glanced over at Martha, who raised her head, then got up, went upstairs, and hid under the bed.

"Okay, not Martha." "Hmmm," Ian glanced at Kazuo who immediately flicked Ian's nose, "I'm open for a lot of things, but not that.  Hey, Ian, you remember when we were cleaning the attic…" "Oh, no." "Oh, no, what?" Gav rested his hands on Ian's legs, leaning on them.  "The doll." "That fucking doll." "Doll?" "So, after my mum died, I inherited things, lots of things, and like a fool, hauled them across the pond.  One of those was an antique doll, which had been my mum's.  And my grandmum's.  I remember it from when I was a lad, I have always been terrified of this thing."

"When Ian first showed me old photos of my mom, we went through other boxes just to see what was up there.  This thing was in a box, bound with rope…" "He opened it." "I had to see if you had some weird ritual thing made up for winning cases." "Oh please, I don't need an ounce of help winning cases, I do it on bravado and sexiness alone." "So, I opened it and screamed." "I look over, then knocked over a lamp, broke it and near pissed myself…"

"Turns out we've both had doll nightmares.  I panicked and threw the box at Ian.  He ran.  Then I ran.  We didn't go in the attic again until we paid Anders to re-box the doll and layer it inside other boxes." " We're not using the doll.  I don't want to see it again.  I can't." Gav thought for a moment, "One time in Detroit, I went up into a burned attic.  In the dark, I stumbled on boxes and boxes of burnt dolls.  I avoided that block after."

"Great, we're all a bunch of pussies about dolls." "I'll wear that label proudly." "Yeah, fuck dolls." "Well," Ian sighed, "I guess we'll just wing it.  Anders and Dermot probably don't know what the hell they're doing, either." "Good, we're all dumbasses." "Wait, Gav, you have a psychotically evil sister - didn't she ever make you play house with baby dolls?"

Gav rolled his eyes, "I didn't play so much as I was forcibly dragged into it, and then she'd beat me with a doll and pelt me with plastic food." "Sounds fun." "I hated playing house, which is weird because now I thrive on domestic chores." "I can throw food at you." "I will talk to Dermot and Delta DASH you to my parents in Detroit."

"I want to go visit them so bad." "Fuck no." "I'm with Gav," Ian ruffled his hair, once more looking around the room at their haul, "I didn't think about this at first but I hope they have room for this stuff."

"They probably don't."

"Damn."

[angelicmark]

a montage of love (m)

part of the ‘almost’ collaboration hosted by @hyucksie​​

pairing: jaemin x reader

genre: angst, fluff, smut, neighbors!au, unhappy ending

warnings: explicit sex

wc: 15.3k

summary: Love was not the first thing to grace your mind when you met the man who moved into the apartment across from yours. Jaemin knows he can’t stay long, but you don’t. Creating long-lasting memories with someone who isn’t long-lasting is painful.

“have you ever had a love that’s bigger than you?”

your quick answer, no. you haven’t.

you frown as you read the words on the screen. your eyes scan the words a million times over, and it truly shouldn’t be a big deal to you. it was just a question that you already knew the answer to. you were a little unsure why it bothered you too much. it wasn’t like it was a big deal or anything. and it wasn’t like the question was apart of a quiz or anything, it was just on your screen and in front of you as you scrolled through social media.

you hum quietly to yourself before looking over to your best friend, renjun. his eyes glimmer under the light as he catches you staring. he gives you a scowl when you have a pout on your face, nodding his head at you.

“what’s up with you?” he asks quietly, and you huff.

“have you ever had a love that’s bigger than you?” you ask, looking at him with curious eyes.

renjun furrows his eyebrows, looking at you like you’re nuts, “what?” he sees the pout on your face and he visibly softens at the sight. he feels bad now, great. “um..” renjun pauses, thinking over the heavy words before slowly nodding his head. “i think i have.”

“what is it like? what does it mean?” your questions spill out of your mouth before you can stop them.

“it’s...” renjun squirms uncomfortably in his seat beside you on the couch, and he sees the curiosity lingering in your gaze. “it’s like.. falling in love with someone, impossibly too much. where your love almost feels...” he clears his throat, avoiding eye contact, “abandoned. it feels abandoned, i guess. your love for them consumes you.”

you sit back in your seat, letting out a hum, “wow,” you look at renjun and see his ears are turning slightly red as you let out a soft laugh, “i didn’t know you were so deep, renjun.”

renjun rolls his eyes, lightly kicking you and making you laugh harder, “shut up! you asked, idiot.”

you grin at him, “i didn’t think you’d actually answer. you normally don’t. you normally tell me to fuck off.” you laugh more as he rolls his eyes.

“if you ever fall in love,” he points at you, “you’ll get it.”

you nod your head, “i’ll let you know if i do.” you shrug your shoulders, “i don’t think i will though. not anytime soon, anyway.” you lean back into your seat again and stare at your phone, checking the time on your screen.

“should you be leaving soon? it’s almost midnight.” you chuckle again when you see the surprise on his face, eyes going wide as he quickly starts to gather his stuff.

“shit,” renjun mumbles, slipping his jacket over his shoulders and fumbling with his shoes as they slid on, “it’s that late already? what the fuck..”

you get up from your seat, making way to the front door to help renjun out. he gives you a bright smile as you open the door for him, “text me when you get back safe.” you say to him, watching as he walks out.

when he doesn’t respond back immediately, you almost tell him he’s being rude for not responding back, before you finally look over and notice a male trying to unlock his door across from your apartment. you frown, unaware of him moving in until now. you were guessing he was new, as that apartment hadn’t been rented out in months. renjun looks at you with an arched eyebrow, and you roll your eyes before shrugging your shoulders silently.

you mouth ‘i don’t know’ before looking back at the boy with bright blonde hair. you hear the small curse fall from his lips as he continues to struggle with the key. you giggle, looking back at renjun for a minute.

“i’ll see you later, renjun.” you wave him off, before grabbing your own key on your key hanger by your door so you don’t get locked out of your own apartment from trying to help someone else get into theirs. renjun just gives you a nod and a smile and a thumbs up. you scowl at him and he laughs, the sound echoing as he finally leaves to the elevators.

“need help?” you tilt your head as you stand in your doorway, not fully leaving your apartment without the approval of help.

the male jumps, giving you a look of surprise as his eyes go wide, and he looks at you for a few seconds. in those few seconds, you have time to admire him. he was quite handsome, and you definitely haven’t seen him before. you would remember him if you have. his nose was a perfect button nose, his lips slightly chapped but still perfectly shaped, his eyes round and a pretty brown shade, his eyebrows full. he was quite the looker.

the blonde sighs, “is it that obvious?” he speaks, his voice a lot deeper than you imagined. it was gravely and attractive.

you laugh lightly, “maybe a bit.” you finally step out of your apartment, and you notice the shock on his face, “i have my keys, don’t worry.”

he nods his head, “sorry, i’m new here.”

you shake your head, stepping beside him and holding your hand out for his key, “don’t be. i had a hard time with the locks here too when i first moved in. it took me awhile to perfect it, they can be a bit stubborn.”

he hands you the key, taking trust in you as your kind eyes glimmer under the soft light of the hallway, “thanks. i really couldn’t figure it out.”

you wave him off, shaking your head again as you stick the key in, before lifting it up and twisting, “the key is to lightly lift it up, sometimes they don’t align right. it’s a weird lock.” he watches as you unlock his door easily, not opening the door for his own privacy. you take the key out and slip it back in his hand with a smile, “there you go. if you ever need help again, just knock.”

the man nods his head, about to head inside before stopping himself and looking at you. you’re about to ask him what’s wrong, before he beats you to it. “what’s your name? so i know who i’m talking to?”

you smile at him, “y/n.”

he nods his head, “jaemin.”

you hold your hand out for him, giving him another warm smile, “nice to meet you, jaemin.” he grasps his hand in yours, and his grip is more firm than yours but his hands are quite soft to the touch. you falter a bit, feeling how soft his hand is and how his eyes scan your features with a glint you can’t quite pinpoint.

“nice to meet you, y/n.” your name sounded pretty coming out of his mouth, and he felt the same way about you saying his name. he was oddly attracted to you and your friendly nature, but he remained cautious. he was unsure if you were dating the man who left your apartment just minutes ago, so he kept his distance. jaemin smiles at you, and you realize he has perfect teeth as well. you want to curse at him for being so damn pretty, but you remain silent as you smile back gingerly.

“i’ll see you around, since you’re literally living across from me,” you let go of his hand and chuckle a bit.

he laughs back, his smile brightening up the whole damn room, “definitely.” he nods, giving you another polite smile before entering his apartment as you go to unlock yours.

when you finally make it inside your own apartment, you let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. since when did your complex start having hot guys living across from you? the last person to live across from you was an old lady and her cat. she was nice, but ended up living in a nursing home and moving out. the apartment had been empty for months after that, so this was quite the surprise. especially with it being someone as attractive as jaemin.

you run your hands over your face as you sigh again, very slowly releasing air from your lungs. “what the fuck..” you whisper to yourself, going to your room to change and get ready for bed. you jump as you slip your shirt over your head after completely changing, hearing your phone ring. you knew it was renjun, smiling to yourself as you pick up the phone and sit on your bed.

“i’m home, dork,” he drags out the last syllable of his sentence, and you scoff at him.

“thanks for letting me know,” you say, holding the phone against your ear as you hear the laugh renjun lets out on the other line.

“who was the dude across from you?” he asks, curiosity lacing his voice.

“someone really, really hot.” you gush, and you hear another booming laugh from renjun.

“wait, really?? do you know him?” renjun seems invested now, a smile being heard from his tone.

you roll your eye, “i don’t. he just told me his name before we parted ways after i helped with unlocking his door.”

“what’s his name?” he quickly asks, and you can already imagine him teasing you for having a hot guy living across from you.

“why should i tell you? you’re just going to tease me.” you fire back at him, a pout on your face.

renjun chuckles, “for knowing his name? c’mon, just tell me. i’m your best friend, remember? we tell each other everything, and it’s just his name, dude.”

you pause, “jaemin. his name is jaemin.”

“oooh,” you can hearing the taunting tone in his voice, making you scoff again and scowl.

“i wish you could see the distate on my face right now.”

“i can hear it, babe.” renjun grins, knowing you can’t see it but also knowing you can hear it.

you shift in your seat, making a fake hurling noise, “gross, don’t ever call me that.”

“whatever, i need to go to bed now. just wanted to know what was up with the dude across from you,” renjun states. “you should get some rest, too.” he quickly adds.

you smile, “aww, is renjun worried?” you coo at him, and you can already see the roll of his eyes and the scowl on his face.

“shut up, go to bed.” he snarls, “i am worried when our time together gets snatched away when you have a messed up sleep schedule. who else am i supposed to bother?”

“umm, hyuck?” you say like it’s obvious, making a face that you knew he couldn’t see.

“he actually annoys me, you don’t.” you’re about to counterattack his statement, but he doesn’t let you. “goodnight, go to sleep.”

you laugh, deciding to let it go, “goodnight, renjun.”

he hangs up, making you smile to yourself as you place your phone back down on your nightstand. you stretch your limbs, hearing a couple bones crack in the process before laying down. your eyes fall heavy within seconds, slipping easily into sleep as your mind becomes fuzzed by the man living across from you.

you were almost certain the two of you would end up talking more, and the thought excited you.

you hoped to become closer to jaemin.

“open the door, idiot!”

you huff as a reply, clearly struggling as you hold at least three bags in each of your hands, trying to scuff out your key in your pocket. grocery shopping with renjun had to have always been a hassle, especially when the two of you finally made it back to your apartment.

“take these,” you hand him three bags from one hand, and he scoffs playfully like a spoiled brat. “do you want the door open or not?” you raise an eyebrow.

“just open it. it doesn’t help that your apartment doesn’t have strong heaters in the hallways when it’s like three degrees outside.” renjun hurries you, gesturing towards your door with a free hand.

you laugh, quickly unlocking your door, but just as you unlock it, a familiar male walks up behind the two of you towards his own door. your handsome, gorgeous neighbor. renjun catches your eye, before adverting his gaze to the man behind the both of you. renjun’s eyes grow wide, and he smiles even brighter.

“i’ll take these!” he grabs your bags from you and hops inside and closes the door in front of you before you can really think about it. you gasp, eyes going wide in shock. you really could not believe him sometimes.

“fuck,” you grunt, pulling out your key again and trying to unlock your door as quickly as you could.

“did he just lock you out?” jaemin asks, and you whip your head in his direction, just to see a soft smile painting his pretty lips.

“no, i have my key, but it’s hard to unlock the door. i think you would know that best, huh?” you grin, and he sheepishly looks away for a split second before turning back to you.

“is your relationship always like that with him?” he questions, tilting his head in curiosity. he was afraid that curiosity would kill the cat right now. he was afraid of you confirming you were actually dating the man who just slammed your own door in front of your face.

“hm? renjun?” you look at him with furrowed eyebrows, “oh, we’re just friends, if that’s what you’re implying. but, yeah. we’re always like that with each other.”

jaemin feels his chest suddenly turn lighter, and he feels better about the whole entire situation between the two of you. he finds himself to be oddly infatuated with you after only really meeting with you twice in the apartment hallways. it was a refreshing feeling, for some reason, being around you. he really liked it, and your aura was calm and collected. someone he feels he could confide in. maybe he was thinking too quickly and rushing ahead, but you surely did give him a good impression. jaemin just guessed he was someone who became attached to people with good intentions very easily.

“ah, sorry for intruding, or something. i guess, maybe, i was curious.” jaemin answers this honestly, and you actually quite like his honesty.

you chuckle under your breath, “of me, or of him?”

jaemin smiles brightly, “you.”

for some reason, you weren’t really expecting him to be so straightforward, it caught you by surprise, making you widen your eyes and laugh in nervousness. “oh,” you laugh again, “i’m.. curious of you, too. if it helps.”

jaemin nods, watching as you lick your lips and give him a sweet look, “it does, it really does.” he pauses, before continuing, “am i being weird? i don’t mean to be, like, creepy or anything-” jaemin’s eyes go wide as he realizes how weird this may all seem to you.

you smile at him, letting out a laugh that makes jaemin stop breathing just so he can hear it, “it’s just a bit weird, i’m not sure i can trust someone as pretty as you.” you tilt your head, raising an eyebrow in his direction.

he chuckles lowly, “i could say the same for you. but i promise i’m not, like, weird. i just want to.. get to know you, i guess.”

“you guess?” you stare accusingly, and laugh at his shocked expression.

“i do, i do want to get to know you. i’m sure of it.” he quickly lets out.

your giggle rings in his ears, “you can breathe, jaemin. i’m just teasing..” you shift where you stand, “i’d like to get to know you, too.”

jaemin lets out a breath of relief, making you smile to yourself, “okay, great.”

“renjun’s in there, and mostly likely listen, so i should probably get inside now. plus it’s freezing out here, but i’ll talk to you more soon.” you smile warmly, and he can’t stop from smiling back. you turn towards your door, going to unlock it.

“alright, uh, do you want my number or-”

“some other time,” you interrupt him, “meeting in the hallway randomly is more fun.” you quickly unlock your door and swing it open, closing it behind you as you slip in with a sly smile on your face.

jaemin feels tingly as he watches you close the door while gazing sweetly and slyly at him. he was becoming more and more curious of you, and he enjoyed the excitement and thrill he got from you. in some ways, he liked how much he thought of you. maybe you were bad news, or dangerous territory. or maybe you were someone to call his own. he had no idea. but he really wanted to know.

either way, he needed to know.

stretching your limbs, you give a sweet smile towards renjun’s direction. he huffs in his seat, clearly displeased with you at the moment. your dynamic with renjun was quite a pair, and you actually really loved renjun’s attitude and every thing about him. renjun made it easy to be yourself, and you appreciated him lots.

“just tell me about him,” renjun urges you, scooting closer to you in his seat beside you on the couch. “tell me about this mysterious man living across from you.” he was completely intrigued. and extremely pushy.

you groan, “it’s not even the slightest a big deal, idiot. he just lives across from me.”

“but i heard every thing, i think we both know that by now.” renjun grins, and you scoff.

“you shouldn’t be spying on people, it’s weird.” you adjust in your seat to sit criss-cross.

renjun grabs the bowl of pop on the coffee table and eats a few pieces before speaking, “i have to make sure you’re alright, one way or another.”

“you’re just nosey, renjun.” you cross your arms this time and lean back into the arm of the couch.

“shut up.” he says curtly.

you breathe out a soft laugh, “you already heard every thing, it doesn’t matter what else i tell you.”

“i’m curious what you think of him,” renjun eats while staring at you with interest.

“he’s cute.” you state, and renjun gestures with his hand that you continue, making you roll your eyes. “i don’t know! i’ve only seen the dude like twice and only talked to him twice. it’s hard to take judgement.”

“that’s fair.” renjun shrugs.

there’s a long pause between the both of you, and you can feel renjun’s lingering gaze on you. you shoot him a look, “what?”

renjun shrugs again, “nothing, really. just keep an eye out for him, it’s always the pretty ones.”

you snort, “it’s not like i’m going to fall in love with him after seeing him twice.”

“only time really tells,” renjun stuffs his face again, looking away from you and towards his phone.

you sit silently after that, letting yourself consume in your thoughts alone. renjun might have been right, but you really didn’t see yourself falling for jaemin. maybe it was too early to tell. would it have been bad if you did?

“you okay? you look sick,” renjun raises an eyebrow at you, staring curiously.

you swallow, nodding your head, “yeah, i’m fine. just a bit tired, i guess.” you grab your glass of water from the table, taking two large gulps.

renjun nods, “me too. i should probably get going about now.” renjun gets up from his spot on your couch, stretching his arms out and placing the bowl of popcorn on the table. “keep me updated on jaemin. he’s the most interesting part about you right now.”

you huff, “shut up, dick.”

renjun laughs, heading towards the door and opening it, “i’ll see you later, cutie.”

you lean back, “bye, renjun.”

renjun nods, before leaving with a smug smile on his face and making you roll your eyes as he shuts your door. renjun put a lot of thoughts inside your head that night, and none of them felt good. you end up rolling around in bed, thinking of all the possibilities you could have with your new neighbor.

it was a long, long night to yourself.

“i told you, renjun. i’ll get it done.” you huff out a reply, finishing brushing your teeth as he stands in the bathroom doorway.

“when? because it definitely won’t be this lifetime at this rate.” renjun looks accusingly, and you roll your eyes.

“when i have time.”

“so, never.” you roll your eyes again and walk away from him, slithering past him through the doorway. renjun scoffs as you ignore him, “essays don’t write themselves, you know.”

you pause in your footsteps, sighing and hanging your head low before turning around to face him, “i’m aware. i’ll get it done, renjun. promise.”

renjun feels wary, but trusts you anyway, “sure.”

“i have to check the mail, i’ll be right back.” you state, grabbing your apartment key before leaving. renjun simply nods his head, plopping himself onto your couch.

heading towards the elevator, you press the button. you stand patiently, before catching sight of someone heading your way from down the hallway. you’re not exactly surprised when you see jaemin come into view, but you didn’t really expect it either. jaemin furrows his eyebrows, before giving you a cute smile. you can’t stop the small smile you give back.

“where are you heading?” he asks first, giving you a curious look.

“mailbox,” you shift on your feet as the elevator opens and the both of you step in.

jaemin nods, “weird. i am, too.”

you snort, “really?”

jaemin chuckles lightly, “nah, but i can accompany you, anyway. i was actually heading to the store, but i have some time to spare.”

you shake your head, “you don’t have to,” you smile sweetly, “i can go alone.”

jaemin lightly bumps you with his elbow, smiling softly, “i don’t mind. unless you just really don’t want to be around me.”

your eyes go wide, “no, of course not. i mean, i don’t mind. you can come.” you panic in your spot as the elevator doors ding open.

jaemin laughs breathily, and you learn you like the sound. he follows you out as you head towards the room with all of the mailboxes. it was more convenient that you had indoor mailboxes, rather than outdoor. that had to be one thing you really liked about this complex.

as you open the little mailbox, jaemin nods at you, “anything good?”

you laugh, shaking your head, “not really. just a few ads.” you sort through your mail, scanning over it.

“might as well check mine,” jaemin moves towards you, opening the mailbox right under yours. you watch him carefully as he pulls out quite a few papers from his box.

“anything good?” you repeat his own words, and he laughs quietly.

“nope, not really.” he’s vague in his answer, but you don’t really mind.

you nod your head, “looks like we both got a bad set of mail then, huh?”

jaemin chuckles and adverts his eyes away from his mail finally, “yeah, i guess so.”

“still going to the store?” you walk out of the room, heading towards the elevator, but stopping to talk to jaemin.

he nods his head, “yeah, i have to pick up a few things.” jaemin pauses, looking at you longingly before finally speaking again, “i like your presence.”

“we’ve only talked three times,” you state, feeling your nerves start to bubble up.

jaemin licks his lips, a gentle smile gracing his face, “yeah, but i already have a good feeling about you. is that weird?”

you go silent for a few minutes, before nodding, “yeah, just a bit.”

jaemin laughs, “sorry, i don’t mean to-”

“but i feel the same way about you.” you interject, and jaemin can’t stop the bright smile he gives you. you realize you really like his smile, too. he was gorgeous, the prettiest you’ve ever seen. it was strange to think that he could possibly find you interesting, or that he liked being around you in such a short amount of time, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to complain.

jaemin lets the air linger for just a bit longer, before nodding his head, “i’ll see you around, neighbor.”

you smile back, “of course.” and you like the way he stares for just a bit longer, before heading out of the lobby. you like his bright smile that you think of all the way back to your apartment. you like the feeling of warmth you get thinking of the fact that he likes your presence. you like the feeling jaemin gives you in just such a short amount of time. maybe it was dangerous, and obviously too quick. but you really liked feeling like this.

when you unlock your apartment door, renjun gives you a stare, “i heard him leave his apartment. did you see him?”

you roll your eyes, “you are so damn nosey.”

renjun just laughs, clearly agreeing with you.

you and jaemin have met a few more times at random hours of the day after that within the next month, and you started to learn some things about him along the way. he likes to ruffle his hair a bit when he’s thinking, or when he feels a bit nervous. he has a tendency to overthink everything he says. he has a habit of licking his lips when he’s in deep thought, or realizes something. you learned a bit too much about him in such a short amount of time, but you really enjoyed his company along the way.

“oh, you have laundry, too?” you hear a familiar, deep voice that makes your spine shiver.

you whip your head around, eyes wide out of shock, “holy shit, you scared me.”

the black haired male laughs, “sorry, didn’t mean to.”

“it’s fine, it’s fine. just wasn’t expecting you, that’s all.” you continue throwing your clothes in the dryer, calming down a bit. jaemin dyed his hair black just about a week ago, and you find the color to suit him just a bit better. you liked blonde, too. but the black hair just looked prettier, in your opinion.

“you would know if you had my number,” jaemin sings quietly, placing his pile of clothes onto the dryer next to yours. you didn’t see him take them out of the washer, but he must have because they were damp.

you giggle a bit, and jaemin enjoys the sound, “you got me there.” you pause a bit. you knew you could trust him with your number, but a part of you liked meeting up at random times of the day, or night. maybe you were even scared to get closer than this.

“it’s fine, by the way. i’m not going to pressure you into giving me your number, i was just making a joke.” he’s overthinking. you can tell when he starts to speak a bit faster than usual, ushering out his words so he can quickly make his point.

you shake your head, smiling softly, “no, no. i think i should give you my number about now. it’s been like, what? almost two months?” you raise an eyebrow teasingly, holding out your hand, “give me your phone, i’ll put it in.”

jaemin freezes in his spot, eyes going a bit wide, “uh, wait, you don’t have-”

“i know, but i want to.” you state firmly, and jaemin swallows before nodding his head and handing you his phone. you place your number in quickly, adding your contact with your name in it. you weren’t sure how far this would take it into your acquaintance, or friendship or whatever, with him but you were prepared either way.

“nice, now i can text you whenever i want.” jaemin smiles.

“or call, i like calls a bit better.” you close the lid of the dryer after adding a dryer sheet, and jaemin begins to place his clothes in finally and following your steps.

“i’ll call then.” jaemin feels giddy at the thought of finally having your number, and being able to talk to you basically whenever he wants to.

you nod your head, smiling to yourself, “i look forward to it, jaemin.”

jaemin likes the way you say his name, and he likes the way you smile at him after. he likes the feeling you give him too, much to your unknowing. maybe jaemin was being a bit selfish at the moment, but he wanted to have you around for as long as he could.

jaemin has taken a liking towards you.

“so, you finally have his number?” renjun looks at you with teasing eyes, and you already want to shove him out of your apartment.

you huff out a breath, “no, i don’t, renjun. i gave him mine.”

renjun’s quiet for a few seconds, but you can see the bright smile lingering on his face from the corner of your eye. “has he texted or called yet?” renjun leans his head in his hand at the breakfast counter, turning his body to fully face you.

“nope,” you state. renjun hums, and you’re afraid to ask what he’s thinking. “what?”

“nothing, really. you could always just go visit him whenever you want, especially since he lives right across from you.” renjun has such a sweet smile on his face, but you hate when he gets really sweet like this. it’s never exactly a good thing.

“i’m not doing that.” you finally fully look over at him, giving him a serious look as to erase all future thoughts from his head.

renjun raises his hands up in defense, “i’m just saying! i wasn’t gonna do anything.” you squint your eyes at him, and renjun laughs. “i’m serious. it’s not my love life, i’m not going to interfere.”

you nod your head, looking warily, “okay, thank you.” you go back to highlighting parts of your notes for your homework, before whipping your head around with wide eyes after realizing what he just said, “love life?!”

renjun laughs extremely loud, echoing throughout the whole entire apartment. and you almost miss the way your phone starts ringing in your pocket. you jump in surprise, before glaring at renjun when he laughs harder at your expense. you slide your phone out of your pocket, checking the caller briefly.

“fucking hell,” you mutter. the world had to be against you.

“who is it?” renjun calms down, sounding out of breath from laughing too much.

you roll your eyes, but smile softly, “unknown number.”

renjun’s eyes go wide, and he suddenly looks like a kid on christmas, “it has to be jaemin, answer it! i’m not here, just answer it.”

you scoff, but answer anyway, “hello?” best case scenario it wasn’t jaemin, and it was just someone who got the wrong-

“hey, y/n right?”

fuck.

his voice was even gorgeous through call. most times it was a muffled sound, but even when his voice is muffled it still sounds heavenly. you feel a tingle down your spine at the sound, and you genuinely think you could fall asleep listening to him.

“jaemin?” you knew it was him.

“hey, thank fuck. i was really hoping you didn’t give me a pizza place number, or something.” jaemin lets out a sweet chuckle that rings through your ears.

you see renjun smiling from ear to ear, and you glare back before answering jaemin with a laugh of your own, “i wouldn’t do that. especially since we’re neighbors.” and he was a sweet guy with a beautiful face, but you weren’t going to say that in front of renjun, or jaemin.

jaemin could feel his heart start to pick up at the sound of your voice. in your own little way, you were enchanting to jaemin already. being neighbors with you was such a lucky shot, and he felt glad to stay here for the time being. he knew he couldn’t stay forever, but you were such a fresh breath of air that he almost wanted to. the odds were always against him, until he seemed to have met you.

“still there?” you speak, and it makes jaemin’s palms start to sweat, almost dropping his phone out of his hand.

“yeah, sorry, i got distracted for a minute.” jaemin pauses, before continuing, “are you busy this weekend?” he felt bold today, maybe too bold.

your eyes divert to renjun, and he just gestures with his hands to keep talking, “no, i’m not.”

and jaemin nods his head, as if you could see him, “great, uh.. would you like to hang out.. or something?” jaemin felt incredibly nervous, too nervous for his liking. he felt like a dumb middle schooler boy who didn’t know how to ask a girl out. you made him more nervous than he could handle, but he couldn’t say it was completely a bad thing. he hasn’t felt this way for anyone in a really long time. you were his fresh start while he still had you.

you lick your lips, feeling your stomach start to twist at the thought of actually hanging out with him and not just wandering around the apartment with him at random hours. “of course, i would love to.” you smile anyway, and you just know renjun is teasing you for it in his mind right now.

“great, i’ll text you this weekend. i don’t really have anything planned, if i’m being honest. i sort of went out on a whim there,” jaemin laughs nervously, and you find it cute.

“it’s alright, we’ll figure out what to do.” you feel giddy and excited, mentally preparing yourself to actually be around him for more than thirty minutes.

“great, alright, i’ll see you then.”

“alright, bye, jaemin.” he really, really likes the way you say his name.

“bye, y/n.”

hanging up, you see renjun with the biggest shit eating grin on his face than you have ever fucking seen.

“so...”

“don’t even start, renjun.” you place your hand up, interrupting him.

renjun laughs, “what?! i didn’t even say anything!”

“you’re going to call it a date.”

“is that not what it is?”

you slap his arm, and he doesn’t stop laughing in your face for the rest of the night about it.

“you cannot get enough of me, can you?” you say it in a sly voice, a smirk on your face as renjun rolls his eyes.

“i get bored easily and you’re fun to mess with,” renjun walks through your door and you frown.

“i didn’t say come in.”

“too late,” renjun smiles, and you scoff. “so, when’s your date?”

“will you ever let that go?” you plop on the couch the same time he does.

“nope.” he smiles sweetly, and you huff. “so, when is it?”

you give up reasoning with him, leaning back into your couch, “tomorrow. i’m not even sure what we’re going to do.”

renjun nods, “there’s not really much to do.”

you cross your legs, “yeah, i know. maybe we’ll get coffee, or something.”

“most likely. not a bad date, if you ask me.” renjun grins, and you roll your eyes, but smile back anyway.

your dynamic with renjun was quite different, but you found it to be in a good way. you play fought a lot, and nothing was ever really taken seriously and the two of you knew when to draw the line. you only really knew renjun for a few years now, meeting in junior year of high school and becoming extremely close. you grew to know both him, and his small group of friends. he wasn’t exactly the most social of them all, but he knew who to pick and choose to be his friends. being around renjun was like having a brother, and you thought maybe you would end up finding him more annoying as the years increased but you never did. safe to say, you do love renjun.

you stretch your arms upwards, “why are you here?”

“i’m always here,” renjun raises an eyebrow at you, and you shrug.

“touché.”

your mind subconsciously wanders back towards jaemin as renjun starts to scroll on his phone. you clearly haven’t known him long enough, but you wanted to know him long enough. you had no idea what he meant for you in the future, but you were just hoping you wouldn’t regret anything.

and you didn’t. but maybe past you hoped it ended differently.

“you good?” renjun asks out of habit.

you nod your head, “yeah, why?”

“you look deep in thought.” he looks curious.

“just a bit, yeah.” and you were telling the truth. you weren’t going to admit you were thinking of jaemin, obviously, but you couldn’t help the way you felt when you did think of him. it was like having a crush in high school or something, and you felt almost embarrassed to admit it to yourself.

“is it about jaemin? if you’re worried, i’m sure it’ll be fine.” renjun looks sincere, “you can always call me if you need something, or someone.” renjun quite obviously had a soft spot for you, believe it or not. and you appreciated him like no other.

“thank you, renjun. i appreciate it.” you smile, giving him a soft look.

he nods back, “of course, anything for you.”

“you’re so mushy for me,” you drag out the last syllable, scooting closer to him on the couch and hugging onto his arm, nuzzling your face into it.

renjun scoffs and pulls a disgusted face, trying to wiggle away from you, “i’m just looking out for you, weirdo. can’t have you feeling uncomfortable, or anything.”

you love how thoughtful he is, and you truly do feel lucky to have him, “thanks, dude.”

he chuckles, “yeah, yeah. whatever.” he tries to sound nonchalant, but he has a sweet grin on his face, letting you know he really, truly does care a lot for you. “now, what are you going to wear on your date?”

you groan, “oh my god.”

your fingers are cold. freezing even. you can feel your whole entire body light afire, except your fingers. they’re cold to the touch, and you can feel the way your bones start to ache in the process. you let out a soft heave, easily slipping out of your mattress to be met with the cold, hardwood floor. maybe you should have worn socks to sleep, just that once.

your mind feels muddled as you check the screen on your phone for the first time this morning. renjun’s name flickers by as you scan your notifications, but jaemin’s name seems to stick out the most. he sent you a text about an hour ago.

you decide to call him, a confident feeling swelling within your chest as you listen to the rings. maybe you shouldn’t have called, but there really wasn’t any going back now. especially not when you heard the call skip a beat, signaling someone had picked up.

“hello?” his voice is shaky, and you feel nerves start to rise within you.

“still on for today?” you try to sound composed, but you knew you weren’t. it was a fake.

a rumbled chuckle emits into the speaker, “of course, are you?”

“of course.” you want to stop the smile spreading on your face and reaching your cheekbones, but you can’t.

“are you home?” he asks quietly, as if he was reaching for something far away and accidentally moved the phone away from his face.

you clutch onto your phone a bit tighter, “i am.”

“can i come over?” jaemin had no plans. maybe he just simply wanted to be around you and get to know you better, bit by bit. he knew it was a bold move to ask if he could enter your apartment so early, but he was hoping you would agree. he wanted to feel the blatant aroma your own personal home had.

you shift in your spot, “let me throw on some warmer clothes really quick.” you shiver as you finally stand, quickly reaching for a hoodie and some leggings. you didn’t need to impress him. you couldn’t find a need to.

“alright, let me know when you’re ready.” jaemin has a smile gleaming on his features, much to his dismay. he hangs up before you reply, his nerves starting to eat him alive already. he asked to go over, so why is he so damn nervous?

you let out a shaky breath of air as you quickly fix your hair and throw on a pair of warm socks. were you really about to let your neighbor into your comfort zone? you thought it over for a few minutes and figured, yes, you were. sending a quick text to jaemin, you anticipate the next few minutes as you wait for a knock on the door. you almost jump when you hear the clatter of his door opening and closing, and then a few quick knocks on your own door.

swinging open the door, you’re met with the same black haired male you had seen several times in random areas of your apartment complex. he looks the same as always, still just as breathtaking as the last time you saw him. up close, you’re still never quite used to how truly pretty he can be. the hallway lights glimmer above him and illuminate a soft glow on his cheeks, making him just the more appealing.

“hey,” you start after a few seconds of embarrassingly staring. maybe jaemin noticed, or maybe he didn’t. either way, he didn’t bring it up or imply that he noticed.

“hey,” his voice is gravely and it makes you tug just softly at the sleeves of your hoodie.

you move away from your doorway, nerves spiking up within the both of you. “come in.” you don’t sound unsure of yourself, and you knew you weren’t.

jaemin slowly slides in, listening as you close the door behind him. he catches sight of the pale grey couch you have in the middle of the living room, eyes scanning the breakfast bar just a couple feet away. it was a small, convenient apartment and looked almost identical to his own. but your place definitely had a different feeling from his. yours felt warmer, a lot warmer. it was more of a home than it was a place to stay, and he soon realized your differences because of it. you had a home, and he just had a place to live. he can’t seem to stop the tugging at his heart as he watches you trudge towards the kitchen.

“want a water?” you have an inviting voice that makes jaemin want to get lost in.

“uh, sure.” his throat feels dry, looking around and seeing a hallway the most likely connects to your room, along with a bathroom.

“here you go,” you’re holding two water bottles. one for him, one for you. he hastily takes it from your hand, opening it with ease and taking a few large gulps. “do you like my place? sorry if it’s a bit dirty, i wasn’t expecting you to come in, or anything.”

jaemin smiles softly, “it’s nice. i like how warm it is in here.” he wasn’t lying. not in the slightest bit was he lying.

“great, i’m glad.” you smile back, and jaemin feels his cheeks start to rise in heat already. he wasn’t used to feeling this way, he felt so unsure. “so, why did you move here?”

jaemin hums, “hm, it was a cheap offer and..” he was nervous. he couldn’t bring himself to be honest with you and tell you the reason why he was truly here. he couldn’t tell you that the other reason was because he knew it wouldn’t be long before he left. again. again and again, he leaves. “and a little far from the loud street noises. last place i stayed was too loud for my liking.” he wasn’t lying, not completely. his last apartment was actually too loud and prompted him to get constant headaches. it wasn’t the slightest comfortable.

“ah, makes sense.” you nod your head, and jaemin finds the slightest gesture endearing. he hoped he wasn’t dreaming when you lured him towards the couch, patting the side beside you. “come sit.”

jaemin had no plans. absolutely zero. but this was definitely better than anything he could have possibly came up with if he did plan. maybe he was a bit immature for getting excited and giddy at the thought of sitting so close to you, in your own apartment, but he couldn’t exactly help it. slipping himself next to you, he’s welcomed to a warm and comforting smile by you.

“i like your smile.”

embarrassing. truly embarrassing.

jaemin catches himself slapping a hand over his mouth, eyes just as wide as yours. the statement caught both of you by surprise, but his heart brightened when you let out the sweetest laugh he had ever heard in all his years of living. the smile reached your eyes, and the sound echoed through his ears and crawled within his bones. he could feel the aching.

“i like yours, too. thank you, jaemin.” his name falling from your lips sounded so effortlessly. and you’ll admit that it felt effortlessly, too.

“thanks” he sounds sheepish, and you can see the way his ears light up a cute red, pink dusting his cheeks from shame. you could tease him further, but decided against it. normally, you would have. but something about jaemin made you feel more cautious and careful, and you couldn’t say it was a bad thing. you just certainly didn’t want to chase him off so soon. he had a bambi-like personality in your eyes, and you didn’t want to ruin whatever this was so far.

you take a sip of your water, and jaemin watches as you swallow it down. everything you do seems to be so graceful, and he almost felt blinded by everything you do. when you place the bottle of water onto the small table in front of the couch, he follows your lead and places his own next to yours. the cold liquid along the edges of the water bottle quickly fall onto the glass table, creating a ring around it. the air fills with silence between the two of you, and it feels almost tense.

“you tend to overthink things, don’t you?” you read him too well. it was a bit scary on his end.

jaemin shifts in his seat, clearing his throat as he looks away from the water, “yeah, just a bit.”

you chuckle under your breath, “we’ve been silent for almost two minutes, jaemin. you seem to have a lot on your mind most of the time.”

jaemin nods, “yeah, sorry about that. i’m not sure i’ll ever be able to fix something like that.” the soft laugh jaemin let's out is quiet and airy, but you like the sound anyway.

“don’t be sorry,” your fingers are cold again. “i get that way, too. i try not to, but it always seems to just creep back up on me, i guess.” you shrug your shoulders, tugging on the ends of your sleeves again to warm up your hands.

“it’s a bad habit of mine, much like the many others i have.” jaemin admits this absentmindedly, not really thinking much of it this time.

“you can say whatever with me.” you confirm a trustworthy presence, and jaemin desperately wants to take you up on the offer. he knows that, deep within, he won’t be able to.

“thank you, same goes for you.” jaemin places a faux smile on his face, despite his heart thrumming in his chest and his stomach stirring in endless nerves. you’ve been in the same room for almost thirty minutes now, and he still hasn’t calmed down. you can’t really say you’re doing any better than him, but neither of you know what the other is thinking, or feeling.

“thank you,” you don’t stop offering soft, unspoken smiles for the rest of the time he’s with you. and it starts to feel easier, and easier as time rolls by and you’re both eating lunch together. lunch turns into evening into dinner into late. it feels almost surreal spending so much time together, even going for a coffee run in between. you discovered that day that jaemin quite thoroughly enjoys his coffee, and you can smell the constant coffee on his clothes when he steps just a bit closer to you than usual.

jaemin discovers the same day that you are a refreshing piece in his life that he’s happy to know, and glad to have. time will tear the two of you apart, but as he watches you laugh at a joke he exclaims, he can’t find it in himself to worry about time. he can’t find it in himself to worry about the future, or what it will look like for him.

time stood still around you.

it was late, so late. you felt like you were on top of the world for the first time in a very, very long time. you wore a dress just this once, a cute sundress that contrasted to the dark night. jaemin sat peacefully on the edge of your bed, eyes watching the way yours glaze over in slight tiredness and excitement. it was late, so damn late. but you were loving the tightening feeling you get in your chest every time you catch jaemin staring at you with shiny, struck eyes. it was euphoric and exhilarating. don’t go away, don’t make this feeling go away. you were silently pleading.

“do you like music?” you question with a tilt of your head, staring right through him.

his breath hitches a little, “i do.”

you nod, “who doesn’t?”

you catch yourself admiring the way jaemin looks under the moonlight as a small candle wax warmer plugged into the wall illuminates the room just as much as the moon does. his eyes sparkled watching you, and you tried your best not to notice. but it was hard not to. you felt like you were getting caught up in the little things, but you found the little things to be what always mattered to you. maybe there was an open door for you, without you even knowing.

jaemin enjoys the way your eyes flitter around the room and the way you look out the window towards the moon, before returning your gaze back onto him. it’s a whirlwind of emotions that come crashing down on him when he realizes that you’ve snuck your way into his world. his silently, kept world. and he feels his head on his shoulders so suddenly, and he feels his heart starting to break apart his ribcage. he feels the way his hands suddenly reach out for you, grabbing your hand and pulling you towards him.

he feels himself reaching. reaching for you.

and you feel yourself collapse into him, abruptly being pulled into the secrecy of his hold. it’s so intense, and you both can feel fires being started inside your stomachs. jaemin knows this could possibly ruin everything, and completely start something new between the both of you. but he also knows that if he doesn’t do anything now, he’ll regret it forever. over the course of three months of simply getting to know you, be around you, it’s consumed him whole and burned him into something possibly greater. something more new, more bold, more needy. jaemin didn’t realize how selfish his actions may have been, or what the future could ever hold for him, or for you. jaemin was needy, so damn needy.

maybe a part of him was hoping you would cure him. cure him of the never ending cycle he seemed to be repeating. he was stuck. he was hoping you would get him out.

jaemin is taking, and taking. the moment he feels your lips press against his own, he feels himself slip away. the reality of the situation he put himself in, falls to pieces and crumbles beneath his feet. nothing felt real, yet everything felt too real. the way your hand shakily pressed against his cheek and felt the warmth beneath them, the way you curled your other hand into his hair and softly tugged, emitting a soft noise of approval to fall past his lips and into your own. jaemin had no idea what he was doing. he had absolutely no fucking clue. all he knew was that he had you here with him, in his hold, in the comforts of your room. jaemin knew little to nothing what he was doing. he fell into a deeper hole than he could ever get out of, but he regrets nothing. especially not when you kiss him deeper, stronger, more shallow. especially not when he feels his hands trail along your thighs to feel just how warm your skin is beneath your dress. especially not when you clamber clumsily into his lap, not breaking a single second of the kiss.

especially not when he has you.

selfish, he hears a whisper in his head, so selfish.

you were shocked. you were stunned into a kissing silence, but you couldn’t exactly bring yourself out of it. you didn’t want to, not in the slightest did you want to let go of this very moment. have you ever felt a closeness like this before? certainly not. no, definitely not. and that’s not to say you’ve never kissed anyone. you’ve just never felt the shaking in your hands the way you did then. you’ve never felt the pit of your stomach rise up and consume you into a hot, searing want and need of another’s touch. you’ve never felt so connected and lost at the same time while being with someone. and you found it more special than your heart intended it to be.

kissing jaemin was not the same as kissing the rest. you’ve learned the hard way tonight.

and it all goes by faster than what jaemin, or you, had in mind. kisses turned rough and needy, hands hastily grasping at one another like you need each other. and maybe jaemin believed that he did need you. and it had shaken him like a leaf the night, holding you so close and locking you into his embrace.

“we don’t..” jaemin’s out of breath, lips swollen and a bright pink. you like the sight before you, “we don’t have to do anything.”

you tilt your head in confusion, rolling your hips down into his own in want and need. the breathy sigh jaemin exhales is enough to excite you, making you want more and more, “we don’t.” you agree with him.

jaemin looks at you for a solid ten seconds, even opting to count in his head for how long the tension was held, before kissing you once again and taking you as his own. jaemin is taking, and taking, and taking. and you would let him a thousand times over, if it meant him staying and being close like this forever. you enjoyed the feeling he gave you, maybe a bit too much. it felt like he was worshipping you, rather than getting ready to fuck you senseless. you weren’t exactly opposed to either, though.

“i don’t have a condom,” jaemin announces when you’re splayed beneath him, looking as beautiful as ever. he had never seen a sight so heart wrenching until then, and he wanted to blame the ache in his heart for being so reckless with his feelings.

you let a soft laugh that echoes into the air and makes its way into jaemin’s soul, “don’t worry, i’m on the pill. please, i need you.”

you need him. and he wishes it were in more ways than one. but then that would be plain selfish, right..? right?

jaemin’s body shakes when he enters you, “you’re so tight, and warm.” he huffs out a breath, and listens to the way you let out a pleased sound. you felt like you were on fire, body heating up with his own and clutching desperately onto his shoulders. he could feel the sharp parts of your nails starting to dig deeper and deeper into his skin, but he didn’t mind. he didn’t mind at all, actually.

“move,” you let out a shaky breath, “please, move.”

jaemin has so self control around you, and he finds it just slightly dangerous. when he begins to move, a shock runs up and down your spine. he watches the way your eyes roll back into your head, and he let’s out a soft groan of his own. the sight of you, the sound of you, the feel of you. it’s all too much for him, and yet not enough at the same time.

jaemin feels himself straining the more he fucks into his, and you can feel him pulsing inside you, hitting right where you need him most. it feel so good, so fucking good. you never want to let go of him. you never want to let go of this moment, this memory.

“you feel so.. so good,” he utters out sweet words that sends a chill through your whole entire body.

“you, too. god, you too. you’re fucking me.. so well.” your response is breathy, a choked moan leaving you as he speeds up his pace just a bit more.

nothing felt wrong. nothing felt out of place in jaemin’s world. not when it came to you. and you could confidently say the same thing for him. maybe it was fast, too fast. everything seemed to be moving by within a blink of an eye, but you just felt so.. happy. so content. you were lost in a world where jaemin took over, and you couldn’t complain. not even once could you complain.

when jaemin feels himself getting close, leans down to kiss you, “you’re wrapping so tightly around me.” he meant in more than one way, not that you would know or anything.

“fuck,” you scratch along his back and bring him closer to you, wrapping your legs around his waist so he’s deeper inside you, “i’m so close..” your whines are so precious, a song in his head he wishes to repeat.

“you can cum, baby.” the nickname has you shivering, “cum for me. be my sweet, good girl and cum for me.”

you fall in the trap, clenching and unclenching around his length and falling apart in his arms. jaemin shudders a quiet “fuck” and falls apart with you, release deep inside you and riding out both of your highs. you feel full with his cum inside you, and jaemin feels worn out but content. sweat lingering on his forehead as he drops his head into your neck, peppering light kisses there as to prove he’s still there.

so, so close. you’re so close. jaemin’s heart is beating too fast for him to keep up, and it’s so hot in the room now. he feels himself crashing before he can even fall.

selfish, he hears again, so selfish.

“so,” renjun starts, and you already feel the regret sink into your skin, “what you’re telling me is, you’re not dating still?”

you roll your eyes, “not everything has to have a label on it, renjun. it was such a sudden, spur of the moment kind of thing.” you twist nervously, and renjun scoffs where he stands.

“you fucked.” “and? we’re adults. adults fuck.” you spit back, arranging your clothes in your closet and putting them away. renjun leans against the doorframe, watching you with ease. maybe renjun worries too much for you, but something about the situation makes him anxious and full of worry. he wasn’t used to it.

“touché.” renjun doesn’t say much else, leaving his pondering thoughts inside his head. you catch on, though.

sighing, you hang up your last bit of clothing before turning towards him, “whatever happens, i’m sure i can handle it.”

renjun doesn’t doubt you. not for a second does he doubt you. but he simply doesn’t want you to be put into a tough situation that you struggle to get out of. renjun is incredibly happy for you. but sometimes momentarily held romances aren’t good for the soul. they crush you and you have to find a way to make yourself new again. renjun didn’t want that for you.

“i know you can.” he simply replies, and he lets you handle it yourself. maybe a part of him wishes he had stepped in and told you to back down. but you probably wouldn’t have listened.

maybe you knew. maybe a part of you knew it wouldn’t end well after that night. but you held on anyway, and you can’t blame yourself for trying. you needed to know in order to not wonder.

“i have to go,” renjun checks the time on his phone, “please text me if you need anything, i’ll answer when i can.”

you nod your head, “of course, you too.”

renjun leaves the room with a hum, and when you hear the door close, you realize you’re stuck alone with your thoughts again. maybe jaemin shouldn’t have consumed so much of your brain the way he did. in fact, you knew he shouldn’t have.

little did either of you know, you were both living in a painful silence.

seeing you again, for jaemin, was like seeing light again after many years of living in the dark. your smile warmed his heart, and set his body aflame. nothing for jaemin was set in stone, and the harsh reality dawned on him at such an odd, painful time. he hoped his mind would give him a break in the presence of you, but he was hopeful too soon. way too soon.

you sigh, a sound jaemin became used to hearing over the past few months, “forever.”

jaemin feels pricks starting to form in his skin, “uh.. what?”

you laugh lightly at the slight panic you hear in his voice, “forever is such a commitment, terrifying if you ask me.” jaemin couldn’t agree more. “and.. you’re stuck with yourself. forever.”

jaemin wants to fill the tense silence in the air, but can’t bring himself to speak.

“it all comes down to one thing,” you pause, taking a light sip of your warm tea, “and it’s you. it’s always going to be yourself.. i think about this a lot, you know.” you place your tea down, resting your head in your hand on your breakfast bar as the both of you sit there. “no matter what decisions you make, or what decisions others make, you’ll still have yourself. i think there’s times where i remember why i chose this life.”

you look at him.

“why i chose to be me.”

jaemin kisses you out of instinct. he feels a pain start to flood his bones and consume his brain. listening to you was a new type of ache, and he wasn’t sure how much more of it he could take. foreign feelings seem to swallow him whole before he can really start to take a look back to what he was before. it feels like pins and needles are stabbing right through him the longer he kisses you, the longer you kiss him back. the more he feels your touch, the more he wants. it’s such a dangerous bridge that he’s starting to cross, but he can’t find it in himself to stop getting lost in you.

you could say the same for him. you were so lost in him, deep in whatever he had given to you. burning to the touch. tangling between unspoken words and soft touches.

such a mess, you think.

a mess you were willing to clean up, if it meant being like this for a bit longer.

you were committing yourself to a future type of pain you were unsure you would be able to take. but you stayed anyway. and jaemin held you in a way you weren’t quite used to yet, but could definitely get used to. you were breathing the same air as him, right in that moment. and jaemin found himself cupping your jaw to angle the kiss more to his favor, and you found yourself entangling your heart with his in a clumsy way you haven’t done before. you’ve fallen in love before, and you definitely wouldn’t say you were in love with him. not in any way were you in love with jaemin.

but you were beginning.

it was the beginning of your fall.

you were burning. you could feel your whole entire being start to burn, and ache, and turn into ash. you were starting to learn it wasn’t a good feeling; standing in front of jaemin, eyes narrowed, brows furrowed, confusion and frustration written on your face. jaemin looked worried, and lost. you weren’t used to such an expression on his face, and you were sure you would remember this memory too for as long as you lived. painful memories don’t seem to fade either, no matter how much you want them to.

jaemin sits on your couch, and he suddenly feels like a child being scolded for something he did. maybe he deserved to be scolded right now. the whole entire situation was messy, and completely out of his hands. he could lie to you. he could lie right now and give you an answer that you want, but he knows that’s worse than holding the real answer from you. he wants to let it all out, he wants to show you everything you’re missing in context. but he can’t. and it pains him more than he thought it would.

selfish, repetition, so selfish.

“i just.. can’t.” vague. he’s too vague with you. you realized that, over time, jaemin had given you little to nothing while you gave him everything. this would mark month five into whatever the fuck you were doing, and it was starting to get miserable in such a short amount of time.

you sigh, placing yourself next to him on the couch. how did it come to this? you were honestly just a bit curious of where you stood with him, after about two months of just fucking and kissing and his romantic gestures screwing you over, it was getting frustrating. he started to consume your brain and thoughts late at night when you had no one to console you. he was like a ghost, haunting you at the worst times and creating a distant memory that would stick forever. lingering around you.

“i never asked for a specific label,” you started, tone starting to get bitter, “i just wanted to know where your head was at.. you confuse me, jaemin.” you look at him, and his gaze stays lowered to the ground. “i know barely anything about you. i only really know why you moved here, and even that was fairly vague. i’m lost, jaemin. i’m very lost.”

he was too. jaemin was so, so damn lost. he fell down a hole he dug himself, and now it’s too steep and he can’t seem to find a way out. jaemin can’t tell you that he has to leave soon. he can’t bring it in himself to just let it all out and tell you what exactly is holding him back from just being with you. this thought causes jaemin to finally make eye contact with you, and he can see the water starting to well in his own eyes. he catches the shock on your face when you realize that jaemin is crying, silently bearing his soul to you and showing you a different kind of vulnerability.

unspoken words, and soft touches.

maybe that’s all you will ever be.

you wipe away his tears, “i’m sorry.”

jaemin feels broken at the apology you speak to him. he feels anger start to seep within him, and he wants to shout and scream and let loose. he was tired of feeling so trapped and stuck, and you could have been his only hope. you might have been. but who’s to say it would be a good thing to get out? maybe he was terrified to come out of what he knew best, of what he was comfortable with now. everything felt like pure torture. actual, unadulterated pain.

“no,” jaemin replies, swatting your hand away gently, “i’m sorry.”

“stop, it’s okay. sometimes we just don’t know what we want, and i shouldn’t put that kind of pressure on you.”

guilt. absolute guilt.

it sinks within his bones, and buries him alive. jaemin knows what he wants. he does. he knows he wants you, but he also knows what he wants is what he can’t have. but jaemin says nothing, and lets the air fall into a tense silence that starts to ring in his head. he can hear the dull air. it’s loud, deafening almost. and it tears him apart, because he knows he could possibly fix your broken conscience and tell you everything. but he doesn’t.

he stays quiet.

jaemin remembers leaving your apartment after that. he also remembers your short, lively memories that the two of you created within the past five months. the soft, gentle memories wash over him in silent hope and cause light to flitter through his body. he feels alive thinking of you. selfishly alive.

you were stuck thinking of jaemin all night after. it felt like a fight, but it also didn’t. you wouldn’t exactly consider it a fight, or anything. but, why did it hurt so bad? why did you feel the ache in your chest? why was your heart beating faster than usual?

you press a palm flat to your chest, trying to soothe the pain and slow your heart. thinking of jaemin alone was starting to eat you alive. you felt obsessed, all over the place and only thinking of jaemin. it would always track back down to jaemin, you noticed. and it was a terrifying experience to learn that you were beginning to feel stronger and stronger towards him as the days passed.

maybe that’s why it hurt so much.

you cared more than you were willing to admit.

“you better have a good explanation as to why the fuck you’ve been avoiding me.”

renjun’s voice echoes through your mind, but that’s all he really seems to be to you right now. a voice. you unintentionally ignored renjun’s calls and texts over the course of three days. jaemin hadn’t text, nor visited, within those three days since the altercation. it tore you apart, prompting you into not responding to anyone and isolating yourself more than you would like to. feelings felt so complicating. you were bouncing from one conclusion to the next, never really settling on something you could exactly seem to agree with. you would bounce from being angry, to being frustrated, to shedding tears, to feeling sad, all for it to cycle again and be put on repeat. a horrible cycle, at that.

renjun became worried when you didn’t answer his texts like you usually do. he figured maybe you needed space and time. maybe something happened. and he was right, something did happen. but you not responding for three days straight got to him, finally making way to your apartment on his own. renjun cares, you know he does. and maybe locking him out of your inner world shouldn’t have been the solution to all your problems, but you seemed to have locked everyone and everything out. wallowing in your own self-pity day and night.

you had become accustomed to going through the motions within those three days, making sure to give yourself the proper nutrients you needed in order to stay alive. but nothing felt exact and alive anymore. it tore you apart, bit by bit. piece by piece.

you say nothing as renjun storms in your room, catching you laying in bed while staring at the ceiling. renjun stops the anger bubbling in his throat to catch a real look at you, and his own heart starts to ache. it’s like he can feel what you feel, and it wasn’t good.

and he knows.

without you saying anything, he knows.

maybe that’s why you and renjun got along so well. neither of you needed to say what was wrong once one of you had taken a good look at the other. it was an unspoken understanding of one another, something you can’t exactly find anywhere else, within anyone else.

you remember renjun holding you that night as you cried deep into his shirt, possibly staining it with your tears from how much you let out that night. it was different. renjun had never seen you like this before in all the years he had known you, and he could feel his heart breaking for you. he feels the way you desperately claw at his chest, letting out these putrid sobs that ring so loudly, he’s sure even jaemin could probably hear it. he hoped you weren’t thinking too much of him, but he knew that wasn’t true. never would that ever be true.

when a week passes since the incident, you feel lighter. you thought you would never speak to him again, despite him being your neighbor. you knew you could always call, text. but so could he. it didn’t feel like your choice to make. you didn’t know what he wanted, and if he didn’t want you... why would you chase him down? it never felt like your call to make. it was his.

renjun holds you when you fall face first, and you let him. he comforts you on your worst nights, and you confide in him for as long as he’ll let you. which is forever. renjun will let you forever.

you’re alone tonight, letting out a soft sigh while trying to be content. when you hear a ring on your phone, you don’t hesitate to pick up, already knowing it’s going to be renjun checking in on you.

“hello?” you greet first, expecting a soft, gentle voice to be on the other line greeting you with a cheery tone.

“y/n.” it’s not renjun. and you can feel your palms start to sweat at the voice, making you more anxious than you can amount to. you feel dread wash over you in just a split second when you come to realize that you’re talking to jaemin.

jaemin isn’t sure why he called. maybe he shouldn’t have. he probably should have just let the situation die down and never resurface. so why the hell did he call? why was his body aching just to see you, feel you, hear you one more time? he screwed up. he could have done this sooner, so much sooner. this could’ve been solved head-on days ago, a whole entire week ago even.

so, why was he calling now?

“can you..” he pauses, swallowing thick air as he feels a lump in his throat begin to form, “can you speak to me? talk to me.” he likes listening to you. he wants to hear your voice, listen to the way you talk mindlessly about things that probably don’t matter, but at the same time do matter because they’re coming from you. he misses the way your voice enraptures him and takes a hold on him, not letting him go for the rest of the night.

he’s being selfish again.

“what the hell..” you whisper, hurt laced in your voice and pain etching every syllable, “no.”

“n-no?”

“no.” you’re stern, spitting back at him and feeling anger start to rise, “who the hell do you think you are? calling me a week fucking later and asking for me to talk to you? i gave you a week, jaemin. a whole entire week to speak to me, and you didn’t.”

“i missed your voice.” he blurts, “i’m selfish. i’ve been more selfish than i’ve ever been in my whole entire life with you.” he can sense you’re about to reply, but doesn’t let you. not yet. “i process how i feel too late. i take things for granted, and i push them away just when things start to get good. i’ve always been that way. i have no excuse for my actions. i want you to be different, trust me when i say that i really, really do..” he gulps, and he can hear himself starting to talk faster than usual again. “i just don’t think it works for me that way.”

“why? why not?” you question immediately, and jaemin expects it.

it’s silent on the other line for longer than you would have liked it to be, “do you remember the first time i kissed you?”

you want to scold him for the subject change, but don’t. “yes.”

“i had never felt more alive than i did there.” jaemin says in a quiet voice sounding of soft, pondering thoughts. “it felt like i had a fresh, new beginning kissing you. i lived in a dream world around you. i lived in my head.”

it’s quiet for a few moments. you can hear him breathing on the other line, and it makes you wonder what he’s thinking.

“...and i think that’s the problem.”

you feel yourself starting to shatter. tears were starting to spill, and you were almost embarrassed of yourself for letting yourself cry like this again. especially while on the phone with jaemin.

jaemin feels his own breath starting to tremble as he sits alone in his apartment, the one across from yours. at any moment he could walk over and see you. but maybe it was a dangerous line to cross right now. maybe this was what was best for the both of you.

“i can’t keep living in my head. it’s dangerous, it’s scary.”

jaemin jumps when he hears a knock on his door. it’s you, isn’t it? he wants to say he hesitated when he answered the door, but he doesn’t seem to have any self control when it comes to you. he opens the door to see you holding the phone to your ear, just to watch you hang up the line and place your phone in your sweatpants pocket. he does the same.

“i live in my own head, too.” you say it with ease, but he can feel how bitter you are when you start to clench and unclench your jaw. “you’re not the only one. and i don’t expect you to just magically let me in, i never said that. it just sucks when after i’ve tried everything, done everything, you still push me away like i was nothing.. a whole entire week, and you said nothing. i tore myself apart for you. i tore myself apart because of you.”

he never wanted to be that for you. when jaemin started talking to you, he never expected it to get this far. he never thought things through when it came to you, no matter how much he may have lived inside his head. no matter how long he would overthink things for, he still ended up choosing the selfish road.

“i’m scared..” jaemin starts. and it’s obvious he’s holding everything in to not fall apart. “i’m scared that, once i let myself go, i’ll lose everything i worked so hard to get towards. you became apart of my life in such a short amount of time. it was so quick, it scared me. it still scares me.” he isn’t lying. he isn’t lying. he isn’t lying. “i just..” let it out. let it fucking out.

“just what?”

he can’t.

he holds it in, letting out a deep breath instead.

“i just don’t want to miss you. i don’t want to miss what i could have.” he’s being honest, completely honest.

maybe you should’ve talked more than that, but you opted out on just kissing him instead. it was raw, and intense. it wasn’t graceful or slowed. it was rushed and harsh, something you weren’t used to when it came to jaemin. you could feel him pouring his emotions out as he kissed you with fervor, and he could taste the pain and anger on your lips as you tangled your hands in his dark strands of hair. your body warming up to him, his own reacting to you in ways he couldn’t seem to remember since he last time he kissed you. pain was seeping through your soul, and into his.

when you pull apart, you have tears running down your cheeks and furrowed eyebrows. even when you’re angry crying, jaemin still becomes more enamored with you in all ways possible. it’s sickening, really. sends a nervous feeling in his stomach the longer he looks at you, the more he studies you.

“i’m here, though.” you finally reply, a choked sob breaking the sentence. “i’m right here.”

you are. and it’s painfully true that you, in fact, right here.

“but i’m not.”

silence.

complete silence.

you knew what he meant. no matter how much he may have physically been there in front of you, he was not there mentally. and you figured that he was unsure if he ever would be. it’s painful, it’s so damn painful. and it rips you apart and tears you a new one. nothing really compared to this, in all honesty. not this type of pain. not this type of hurt.

“are you calling it quits?” you ask suddenly, and it sends a stake right through jaemin’s heart. not in a million years would he ever want to let go of you, or what you had.

jaemin is incredibly tired. he’s tired of hurting you to no end and creating memory after memory, just until he knows when he has to leave. he can only really imagine how you feel right now. not knowing at all why he’s doing this to you. why he’s hurting you so much. he doesn’t want to be that for you. he really, really doesn’t.

jaemin kisses you first this time, instead of answering you. maybe he should have answered you. but it seemed to be poor choice after poor choice when it came to him. you couldn’t find it in yourself to back away, to demand an answer. you didn’t think you really wanted one, anyway. you weren’t prepared. you didn’t think you could ever be prepared for his answer, even if it was the one you wanted it to be. you weren’t really sure what that answer was either.

so you let him kiss you, and you kiss him back. because you’re unsure, and you know he’s just as unsure as you are. maybe even more unsure than you. and kissing him seems to burn you alive, but you let it. you keep letting it.

one more memory to add to the book.

one more time you feel yourself fall deeper into jaemin.

waking, you feel your limbs ache. you can hear the soft raining patting against your window already so early in the morning. instead of birds chirping, it’s rain hitting lightly at your windowpane. you get up to open the curtains, taking sight of the trails of trees in front of you. jaemin was right when he said this place was a bit away from the busy atmosphere, and you appreciated the gentle quietness you got to experience on days like these. it was calming, and you didn’t feel rushed back into reality for the time being. it was just you, no one else.

you jump in shock when you hear your front door opening and closing, “holy fuck.”

renjun comes into view with a frantic look on his face, “y/n-”

“i should really revoke your key to my apartment-” you let out a lighthearted chuckle.

“i think jaemin’s gone.” cold.

it was cold.

you were freezing, but jaemin had already insisted on going to the park at such a late hour, “you’re not going to, like, kill me, right?” you sound shaky, but it was only from the cold.

jaemin rolls his eyes, giving you a sweet laugh that lights you up, “no, i’m not. but i guess that’s what all killers say.”

“touché.” you huff, and you can see your breath in the cold air, “jaemin, it’s freezing, why the fuck are we at a park?”

he places himself on a swing, “come sit.”

you pause, before making way to where he’s sat on his own swing. it’s silent, and you can hear the wind in your ears. you can feel the cold on your fingertips. you can taste the winter on your tongue. sitting in the comfortable silence with jaemin wasn’t a bad thing. you actually enjoyed just simply being around him, but why were you out in the cold? so late?

“i go to parks, on swings, late at night when i want to think. when i want to clear my head.” jaemin starts, “i’m in my head a lot. i overthink everything, and i tend to exhaust myself more than i can handle. i’m sure that’s not the first thing you think of when you see me, huh?” jaemin gives you a quick glance, amusement on his pretty features.

you look at him with a certain type of patience that makes jaemin feel warm and safe inside. it’s almost overwhelming, in a sense. but it drips with honey and creates a foundation in his heart that he’s sure he won’t be able to get rid of. he likes it, he likes it a lot.

“i’m not myself.” he states, and it feels solemn. “i’m not who i’m supposed to be, yet. and i think it tears me apart in the worst ways. i can see it, i can feel it, taste it even.” he pauses, feeling along the chains of the swing absentmindedly, “but i’m not there yet. i can’t become it, no matter how much i imagine it.” jaemin lets silence sink in, before continuing with a soft tone that breaks both you and him apart. “you would think that, if i wanted it so bad, if i wanted it enough, it would be here by now. i would already be who i’m supposed to be.”

his words cut through you in ways you can’t describe, and all you can really do is listen.

“i think i have a lot of learning, and unlearning to do.” jaemin says this with his whole chest, and you know he means it. “i’ve only really known you for five months, and we’ve already had two arguments, but i wouldn’t have wanted to share these memories with anyone else.”

“i mean that.”

“gone..?”

reality hits you full force before you can realize what’s happening. it’s painful, it’s heartbreaking, and you’re being dumped into an ocean of cold water before you can even process how you’re truly feeling. it’s like getting your heart torn out. it’s like not knowing where you’re going to end up next, because it doesn’t feel like there is going to be a next. your bones are soaking in pain, swallowing you whole and making sure you feel every inch of it.

renjun hands you a note wordlessly, it has your name written on it in pretty handwriting, and you’re cursing him already for having good handwriting. “it was on his own door. i tried knocking, but there was no answer. went to the lobby and they said he moved out just a few hours ago.”

you sink. you crash and burn and sink and drown. falling back onto the edge of your bed, staring wildly at the letter in your hands. you watch as tears start to soak up the paper while you hastily take out the ink covered note.

“y/n.

i can’t say i’m good with confrontation, because then that would just be a plain lie. but i think we’ve gone past lies at this point. believe me when i say i thought of telling you that i was temporary, that i knew i had to leave at some point. you were such a light for me, a breath of fresh air. you brought me out of a dark hole i had been living in for way too long. but, if i had stayed any longer, i would have dragged you down with me in the end. i don’t want you to say that you would have been able to handle it, or that you wished i had stayed. i can’t. i couldn’t have. i can’t be the person anymore who hurts you and leaves a lingering ghost around your head. i don’t want to be the person who stains you any more than i already have. maybe i’m doing exactly what i don’t want to be for you right now. but, if i had stayed, i wouldn’t have been able to be with you in the way you deserve. i had to leave. i was on a journey to find myself, and i found you along the way. i thought, maybe, you could help me out of whatever sinkhole i’m in. maybe you were the cure to it. i soon realized that it wasn’t you who should do the saving. i need to save myself, i need to be my own hero for once. this might stick in your mind forever,  but i promise it was never about you. i really, really liked you. more than i can really handle while feeling like this. i could even feel myself falling for you along the way. but i think, before i even consider that, i need to fall in love with myself first. you helped me begin a new path, and helped me realize that there are things to love and look forward to in life. and i need to figure out how to use that in the real world. i need to figure out how to use that on myself.

i’m sorry i never said anything sooner. i should have. thank you for helping me find a part of myself in the journey of finding out who i’m supposed to be. i’ll never forget you, ever.

- jaemin.

you want to be mad. you want to curse at him and scream and cry at the top of your lungs. but all you can do is shed bittersweet tears and sink and drown and fall. you so, so fucking much wanted to be pissed. you wanted to be livid. but you weren’t. and you felt slightly bitter that you weren’t. you could only cry as sour and sweet started to mix within you and make you remember every single memory and detail jaemin gave you before leaving.

so much, yet so little.

“i’m sorry, y/n.” renjun’s voice echoes in your head, and he no longer feels like just a voice to you. he’s actually there, and you appreciate him so damn much.

“don’t be.” you wipe away your tears just for new ones to fall right after. you let yourself feel pain, you didn’t shy away from it and you didn’t stop yourself from falling part. how would you heal if you didn’t know pain first?

you let out a long, long shaky sigh, “you know, i almost fell in love with him.” you admit this with your heart on you sleeve and renjun listens to you with attending ears. “i was so, so close to just.. giving it all up for him.”

renjun slips in the seat beside you on the edge of your bed, pulling you into his embrace. you accept it, much like all the other times he had held you. it was warm, and he smelled like his normal self. nothing about renjun was unfamiliar, nothing about this felt unsafe or unsure. renjun would always be there, and you couldn’t thank him enough as you loudly cried into his shirt out of sorrow.

deep, deep sorrow.

“have you ever had a love that’s bigger than you?”

your quick answer, no. you haven’t.

but you were pretty damn close with jaemin.

so, so damn close.

and that’s all you’ll have with him.

unspoken words, and soft touches.

a/n: hi ! thank you so much denise for having me on this collab, and thank you everyone who read it! please make sure to check out everyone else’s works as well if you haven’t ! the link of the collab is at the very top underneath the title. :] i like to think this truly was a montage of love, because not all love is beautiful or ends sweetly. bittersweet endings are painful, but they help you grow as a person. i hope everyone gets what i mean haha ANYWAY ! thank you again :] please remember to take care and stay healthy as always.

[there-must-be-a-lock]

Contact Comfort

Spencer Reid x (gender neutral) Reader

Word Count: ~2000

Warnings: None, really? Emotional hurt/comfort and sorta like a touch starved deal doing on, but it’s pretty thoroughly fluffy and sugary-sweet. 

A/N: For the “bed sharing” square on my @cmbingo​ card! 

Title is from the referenced psych study, because I’m a dork. 

“One sec,” you call, wincing at how thick and nasal your voice sounds.

You wipe your cheeks hastily as you sit up. It’ll be obvious anyway, though; wouldn’t take a profiler to notice your tear tracks and blotchy face. 

It’s Spencer. Of course it is — because he’s the last person you want to see you like this, when you’re all snotty and puffy and gross. 

His eyes go wide and solemn when he sees your face, genuinely distressed. There’s that empathy again, the too-big heart that everyone seems to overlook in favor of his big brain. You love him for it. 

Well, you love him for a lot of things. 

“Hi,” he says quietly. “I was going to just ask if you were okay, but… I guess I don’t actually need to ask now.” 

You let out a watery little chuckle. “Guess not.” 

“You want some company?” He looks hopeful, almost, and then seems to catch himself, dropping his gaze with a shrug. “I understand if you just want your space, though.” 

If it was anyone else, you absolutely would not want company right now. But it’s Spencer, so. You pretty much always want him around. 

“I was just about to turn on some shitty TV because it felt too quiet in here, honestly. Company would be really nice.” 

He gives you a quick twitch of a half-smile as he steps past you, and after you close the door, there’s a pause where you both stand there and look at each other, Spencer suddenly shy as he shifts his weight from one foot to the other. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks, in a thin unhappy voice. 

“Not really. Just… one of those days. One of those cases.” 

“Can I do anything to help?”  

You hesitate, because it seems like such an immature thing to say out loud, but you’re too tired to be anything other than honest.

“I could use a hug.”  

Spencer’s expression goes all soft and sweet, and your cheeks feel hot under the drying salt water as he steps closer. He wraps his arms around you, and you bury your face in his chest and try to inhale. Your exhale is a ragged little shudder, and you fist both hands in the back of Spencer’s cardigan as you cling to him, feeling raw and sensitive and so very young. 

He lets out a quiet, shaky sigh of his own, squeezing you tighter. 

How long has it been since anybody hugged you like this? It’s like the contact — the warmth of him — the pressure of his arms around your shoulders — the rise and fall of his chest under your cheek — is lifting some massive weight you never realized you were carrying. All you want in the entire world is to hold him tight, take the comfort while you can, but you know you should pull away. 

He hesitates for a second before releasing you, like maybe he doesn’t want to let go either. 

Then he’s stepping back, hands in his pockets, slightly pink-cheeked as he bounces on the balls of his feet and gives you one of his frog-faced not-quite-smiles. 

“You said something about shitty television?” he asks. “Or maybe we could watch some television that’s not actually shitty?” 

“That sounds perfect.”

Turns out Planet Earth is on, which is the rare overlap in your and Spencer’s tastes, and it’s not until you’re eagerly toeing off your shoes that you realize the bed is the only seating option. 

Spencer sits cross-legged, with his elbows on his knees and his chin propped on his fists, and he stays as close to the edge of the bed as physically possible. You lean back against the headboard and hug your knees to your chest, feeling the need to hunch over, like you could physically protect your heart. 

Then again, it’s much too late for that. You knew your heart was in trouble the moment you met Spencer. 

Today, especially, you already feel vulnerable, like all your carefully-constructed walls cracked open the second you let yourself cry, and now you’re just ripped-open and bare. You need a good night’s sleep and a long, hot shower before you’ll be able to go about your life as a professional, fully-functional, grown-up human again. Right now you’re just kind of a mess.  

“I know there’s the germ thing,” you blurt out, without looking at Spencer. “But —” 

His laugh sounds crackly and nervous, but relieved, like maybe he’d been holding his breath. “Come here.” 

You give him a grateful smile as you scoot closer to each other, and apparently you’d been so worried about your own swollen eyes earlier that you hadn’t noticed the fatigue evident in every drawn, wan line of his face. 

Not that he isn’t still the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. 

You duck tentatively under Spencer’s arm, and it’s not like you’re cuddling, exactly, because there’s still an inch or so of space between your hips and legs… but the bony plane of his chest, between collarbone and heart, makes a surprisingly perfect pillow. You pull the sleeves of your sweater over your hands, tucking them under your chin, curling up.

The moment feels delicate, like a soap bubble that you could burst if you simply breathe too loudly, and you hold yourself stiffly, at first, not wanting to move any closer for fear of pushing a boundary. It feels like you’re glowing at the points where your bodies are touching; the warm weight of his arm feels like bright spring sunshine across your upper back. His palm on the round of your shoulder is thawing away the last chilly bits of your self-consciousness. 

When the commercial break starts, Spencer says, “Do you ever think about how little physical contact the average single adult experiences on a regular basis?” His voice is quiet and almost sheepish. 

You smile. “Yeah, I’ve considered it.” 

“Especially when we live away from our families,” Spencer says wistfully. 

You can feel the vibration of his words in his chest. You shift, making yourself more comfortable, feeling dazed and dumb with his proximity.

“The monkeys. I feel like — you know?” 

“Harlow. I know exactly what you mean.”

Trust him to get that from your ridiculously vague mumbling.  

“Except they’re babies,” you add. 

“The emotional benefits of physical touch don’t decrease just because we get older,” he says softly. “It’s just that the fear of judgement makes it difficult to be honest.”

There’s silence for a minute as the show starts again, and David Attenborough says something about sloths. Spencer’s thumb strokes your shoulder gently, back and forth, soothing. It’s hypnotic, and the tension drains from your muscles, leaving you more relaxed than you’ve felt in a long time. 

“Thank you,” he whispers. 

You swallow hard. “For what?” 

“Being honest.” 

There’s no reason for your eyes to be stinging like this, but they are. “I should be thanking you.”

“Nothing to thank me for. This is… really nice.” 

“Yeah. It really is.” 

He’s quiet again. 

Spencer smells like vanilla and old books — although the latter might just be your imagination, something to do with the power of mental association — Spencer could probably explain the science behind that. Your brain has them inextricably linked, though. You’ve caught hints of that smell before, but never up close like this. 

The softness of the worn knit of his cardigan makes you want to rub your cheek against it like a cat. His arm, skinny as it may be, feels like protection — like you’re safe here. 

After the brutal violence of the case and the emotional turbulence of the day, this quiet, golden moment is even more breathtakingly peaceful by contrast. It doesn’t feel real. 

It’s too good to last. This isn’t yours. It’s not going to last, no matter how right it feels, and your chest already aches with the idea of letting him go.    

You try to appreciate it while you can, to remember every sensation, but your body is leaden, exhausted down to the bone, completely drained of whatever adrenaline-stubbornness-caffeine combination was keeping you running until now. Spencer’s thumb rubs invisible circles on your shoulder, and he breathes evenly, and you feel safe. 

You’re asleep before the next commercial break. 

A distant car alarm wakes you, sometime later. In the handful of seconds before it’s turned off, you come to without opening your eyes, trying to remember where you are and who you’re with. The smell of vanilla makes you relax instinctively, before you can process why. 

Spencer has all but melted against you in his sleep, soft and boneless. He’s got both arms around you now, holding you close, his breath tickling your forehead. Then he stirs, and you can feel the moment he realizes where he is, because his muscles go tense as he freezes. 

“Sorry,” he murmurs hoarsely. He’s barely audible over the infomercial voices coming from the TV. “I didn’t mean to — sorry. I’ll go.” 

And before you can think better of it, you whisper, “Don’t.” 

He’s still frozen, and silent for a second that feels like an eternity. “You mean —”

“I don’t want you to leave. Stay.” 

Honesty seems to be your default setting tonight, and anyway, you can tell without looking at a clock that it’s long past midnight, well into the early-morning hours where boundaries and reservations and reality don’t seem to follow their usual laws. You can’t lie to him (or to yourself) right now. 

Spencer’s voice cracks as he says, “Okay. I’ll just — let me get the light.”

You don’t open your eyes as he slips away. This all seems like a dream, and the sharp bright lamp light might make it dissolve around you. You might wake up. 

The TV goes quiet, and when you tug at the hotel comforter, sliding between cool sheets fully clothed, the barely-there rasp of moving fabric sounds loud in its absence. 

Spencer turns off the lamp, and you open your eyes. You can just see his shape as he navigates the dark room, negative space on a charcoal backdrop, but as your vision adjusts, you can see a faint suggestion of his features in the blue-black. 

You feel it, though, when his weight makes the springs of the old mattress dip. You’d expected him to lie on his back again, but instead his face is just inches from yours when his cheek comes to rest on the pillow. You feel the way he’s breathing, quick and shallow and nervous. You feel your heart kick in your ribs, thudding so loud he must be able to hear it. 

He reaches out slowly, hooking an arm around your ribs, and pauses with just the very tips of his spidery fingers touching your back, between your shoulder blades: five soft points of contact that you feel so intensely they might as well be electrode pads connecting you to a defibrillator. 

This is crossing a line, and you both know it. 

It’s not a sexual touch, it’s not that sort of thrill going through you, but something about this feels profoundly intimate. That intimacy is almost more shocking than lust might’ve been, and it’s much more dangerous. It’s the sort of closeness you don’t walk away from unscathed.  

Spencer’s fingers flutter, butterfly-wing delicate, like one or the other of you might be trembling. 

“Are you sure this is okay?” he whispers. 

“Yes.”  

Maybe you’re both trembling. 

His palm comes to rest on your back, easing you closer, and you shift, settle, readjust. He pulls back and tilts his head just long enough to brush his lips over your temple, soft and sweet, before tucking you neatly under his chin, where you fit like you were meant to be there, with your nose nudging at the gap between his collar and the delicate skin of his throat.

“Sweet dreams,” he whispers, sounding just as awed as you feel. 

“Sweet dreams, Spencer.” 

.

.

.

If you enjoyed this, please reblog or leave a message! 

More Criminal Minds fic is here. 

[interrogatethecat]

of fabric and love

word count: 750

written for day four of @destielmonth, sharing a bed. the rest is on ao3 or below the cut!

They stumble into Dean’s room at the bunker— now their room— late.

Dean doesn’t bother heading to the bathroom to scrub the blood off his face; instead he drops his phone on his nightstand before stripping down to his boxers and collapsing on his memory foam mattress with a content sigh.

Cas shrugs off his clothes and switches them out for sweatpants and a t-shirt before joining him.

It was a long hunt. A nest of vamps that took too long to kill and even longer to track down. After five nights in a motel, this is the only thing Dean wants. To sleep in a bed without any springs that dig into his back in the middle of the night next to his husband.

They slip under the covers and blankets piled on the bed (proof of Cas’ blanket obsession), throwing arms and blankets over each other. Dean presses a chaste, sleepy kiss to Cas’ jaw before sinking into his pillow and murmuring, “‘Night, angel,” before he’s fast asleep.

When he wakes up in the middle of the night, he’s got goosebumps. For a moment, he wonders why he has goosebumps while he’s under all the blankets Cas has heaped on their bed. Then, he realizes that he’s not under the blankets. He turns his head to the side.

Despite the darkness, Dean can make out Cas’ sleeping form, back turned towards him. He’s fully wrapped up in them. The only part of him Dean can really see is a bit of untamed hair sticking up in all directions. The rest of Cas? All blanket.

Dean gives himself a moment to appreciate this ridiculously adorable sleeping habit of Cas’ before he’s back to disgruntled and tired. He grabs the blankets and tugs.

Cas shifts, pulling the blankets around himself even more tightly. Dean’s pretty sure that if he could see Cas’ face, he’d look like an unhappy owl with that little scrunch of his brows and slight frown upon his lips.

He tries again; this time, Cas grumbles. None of the blankets are loose, though, so Dean tries again. And again.

Cas must be at least conscious, if not coherent, because he says something into his enclosure of blankets that sounds vaguely like knock it off, Dean.

“I’m cold,” Dean whines. “C’mon, Cas.”

Cas doesn’t let up.

“Asshole,” Dean says. Despite his grumpiness, there’s something fond in his voice. He pokes Cas in the side. “Wake up and gimme the blankets.”

Cas shies away from him, and now, without the heat from his side, Dean is freezing. He pokes Cas again.

“G’way,” Cas says, words muffled by the blankets in his face.

“You stole all the blankets,” Dean complains again, “I’m cold.”

“Then freeze,” Cas mumbles.

“Cas,” Dean begs.

Disgruntled, Cas mutters something that sounds like Enochian under his breath before giving Dean access to his hoard.

Dean scrambles back under them, wedging himself against Cas hurriedly in case he changes his mind. Something halfheartedly knocks against his shin.

“Dude,” Dean says, “did you just kick me?”

“You’re cold,” Cas says.

“Because you took all the blankets!” Dean says, kicking him back.

Cas kicks him again. “It’s too early to be awake. Keep your ice hands to yourself.”

Just to be a dick, Dean sticks his hand under Cas’ shirt.

Cas jerks away from it. When Dean does it again, he rolls over to squint at him, unimpressed. “I pulled you out of hell,” he says flatly, “and this is what I get.”

Dean just gives him a shit eating grin. “‘Night, Cas,” he says.

“Goodnight,” Cas says. Within a few minutes, Dean’s frozen hands aren’t a problem anymore, since Cas is out cold. Not long after that, Dean joins him.

When he wakes up in the morning, Dean is holding Cas. Or rather, he has an arm slung over an angelic blanket burrito and one leg under the blankets. His dork of a husband is somewhere under all that fabric.

How Cas manages to tangle himself up like that is beyond Dean. It’s really freaking adorable, though.

He gropes blindly around his nightstand before his fingers close around his phone. A quick snap of Cas’ arrangement and then it’s back on the nightstand and Dean is fighting his way back into the blankets.

This time, he’s unsuccessful. Dammit, Cas.

He’ll still make the idiot’s coffee in a half hour, though. That’s what love is, Dean thinks, glaring at the pile of warmth he can’t penetrate. Making coffee for the asshole who hogs the blankets.

tag list: @ccstiel @starrynightdeancas @floral-cas @castielsbeeslippers @dune-echo @gayhuckleberryinatrenchcoat @fellshish @bestiarum @top13zepptraxx @linaraiscorner @theedorksinlove @destiel-is-canon-i-guess @blue-eyed-cutiepatootie

let me know if you want to be added or removed!

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

“I want evil dark overlord and unabashedly awful Malleus” Yo I am a fan of Malleus and I agree with this wholeheartedly tbh 😂😂😂

It would be way interesting! I’m curious to see how chapter 7 goes?

[Referring to this post!]

Though I don't enjoy Malleus, I'm excited to see where the story goes for chapter 7. I feel like there's a lot of unexplored avenues with his character that they could elaborate on.

One thing I've never enjoyed about fanon Malleus is that he's often depicted as one extreme or the other. Some think Malleus is actually very childish and ignorant about the world, whereas others think he's far more wise and sinister than the main story has led us to believe. In actuality, neither is entirely true and neither is entirely false, because Malleus is both. He's a complex and morally grey character, just like the rest of the Twisted Wonderland cast, and I think it's a huge disservice to his writing to claim that he's one or the other.

I'd like for chapter 7 to not only address both sides of Malleus (as learning to balance them is no doubt of great importance for someone so venerated as he is), as well as explore his relationships with people besides Yuu (though I'm sure this will still play an important part in the story). I don't know, I've personally never found the Yuu and Malleus friendship to be all that interesting; I'd much rather hear about Malleus and his relationship with the other members of Diasomnia. It would make his eventual Overblot all the more impactful if we learn just how much he means to the rest of his dorm.

NOW, on the subject of unabashedly evil Malleus...................... (Disclaimer: I'm not saying this is what he is actually like or that this would work in the current main story, I'm just throwing out some ideas on a "Malleus" that I would enjoy reading) I DON'T KNOW, I JUST KIND OF WANT HIM TO BE AWFUL. Everyone lives in fear of him and he relishes in tormenting them with his presence... And hey, you know what'd be a fun twist? If his ultra scary powers didn't even exist. If it was all smoke and mirrors to grant the illusion of power, when, in actuality, Malleus is just some dork with the same magic level as everyone else. I think it'd be cool if Malleus wasn't as powerful as he claimed he was, but still acted like an over-the-top bad guy and overlord that thrived off of the rumors of the magical prowess of his ancestors. Maybe it's his ego overcompensating for power he doesn't actually have, maybe it's an inferiority complex because he knows he can't live up to the Draconia legacy. Maybe he's actually lonely because he can't bear to get close to anyone for fear of his closely guarded secret getting out. And maybe (???) he's unhappy with living a lie, but he doesn't know any other way to live and he has too much pride as a royal to admit it. (Imposter Syndrome Malleus or something?) An irredeemably evil Malleus with no niceness would also be entertaining to read, but it wouldn’t fit in the morally grey area that TWST tends to fit its characters in.

[blutopaz15]

“I’m a grown adult. I don’t want to take a picture with Santa Claus.”

number 11 for the winter ask

It only took me two weeks (oops!) but...winter prompt!! Featuring sad Rayla being cheered up by her favorite dork (and company)...big found family vibes bc it's what Rayla deserves. <3 <3 <3

#11: “I’m a grown adult. I don’t want to take a picture with Santa Claus.”

Once the weather had started to turn—temperatures dropping, rain shifting to sleety, not-quite snow, the nights stretching on longer and longer—so had Rayla’s mood.

At first, Callum hadn’t been sure of what to make of the persistent, unhappy slump in her shoulders when she chose to tag along with him to council meetings and the rest of his duties each day. Preparing for all of the festivities that he and Ez had only ever had to go to before rather than plan…it was all exhausting, sure, and bittersweet—so much had changed since last December—but the way she’d been staring into space, drifting quietly to the edges of rooms, curling up all by herself...

It was more than exhausted, and more than bittersweet. It wasn’t just the anxious static that’d been in the background since she’d agreed to come home with him til spring either.

It wasn’t right, it wasn’t her, and it’d taken some well-timed and—admittedly—overly cheery prodding to figure out exactly what was going on. It all made sense, though, once he had.

“It’s almost been a year,” she’d muttered darkly, holding herself together by the elbows. Callum doubled her efforts, wrapping his arms around her before excusing the both of them from dinner.

The approaching winter holiday coincided with the anniversary of what had to have been the worst news Rayla had ever gotten, and Callum knew that—besides giving into how badly he knew she wanted to take off on an ill-advised winter trek across the continent looking for Viren—consoling her was the best he could do to help right now.

Distraction via holiday cheer—Xadian holiday cheer—then, was the only solution…no matter how Rayla’s grumpiness kept thwarting his efforts.

Winter festivals were definitely a thing in Xadia—she’d told him that herself, months ago, between fond eye-rolls and mild exasperation—but no matter how carefully he prodded, he’d gotten nothing more than a few random details, dancing all the while along the edge of Rayla’s big-feelings-shortened patience.

His co-conspirators had had more luck. Rayla had happily and sassily corrected Soren’s—deliberately?—clueless assumptions about elven holidays over their most recent sparring session, and Ez was pretty much the only person in the world that Rayla would humor no matter what, so she’d been glad to answer his oh-so-innocent questions about Xadian holidays in preparation, he’d said, for the upcoming peace summit.

Callum didn’t think Rayla was on to them, but she’d definitely been skeptical when the three of them had shown up at her bedroom door, ready to escort her to the snow-covered courtyard, but all Callum had had to do was thread his fingers between hers and copy the grin on Ezran’s face...and with all of them beaming at her, she’d softened.

Judging by the way she’d stiffened to a stand-still when their set-up came into view, though…something had clearly gotten lost in translation, between Ez and Soren and his own digging through whatever books he could find about Xadia

“Uh,” she started, an eyebrow lifted. She followed the boys closer to the recently red-painted sleigh where they’d asked recently red-clad Barius to wait. “What’s all this?”

Callum’s face heated, doubting their research based on Rayla’s reaction, but Soren and Ez were undeterred and called out in unison:

“Santa Claus!”

“We, uh…” Callum started, attempting an explanation for what he was quickly realizing had been a horrible idea. “We wanted to do something that would cheer you up, but—”

“And since you can’t go home for the holidays—” Ez continued obliviously, letting Soren finish his sentence, as if on cue.

“We brought the holidays to you!”

Bait croaked as cheerily as Callum had ever heard.

Unsure of the mixture of uncertainty and amusement on Rayla’s face, Callum shrugged in answer to the questioning look she gave him.

“Uh huh,” Rayla said, turning to take in the scene before them. “Hi, Barius,” she said.

Callum covered his face with his hand while Soren pantomimed the “traditional” Santa response.

“Uh…ho, ho, ho?” said Barius.

Rayla’s brow furrowed further. She was smiling at least…at their expense, though, Callum was sure.

“So…?” Ezran said, gesturing towards Barius awkwardly waving from the garland-lined sleigh and then to Callum, who’d realized at this point that Katolis’s library was probably not the most reliable source for information about Xadian holiday traditions.

The plan had been a picture with Santa. Rayla had mentioned visiting Santa Claus to Ez, and one of the books had mentioned portraits with Santa Claus, among other things they hadn’t understood enough to replicate…

He held up his sketchbook apologetically, cringing.

Rayla blinked once, then twice, between all parties involved.

“Oh. Oh, no. You want me to—?” She shook her head, pointing between herself and the sleigh, before her arms settled crossed over her chest. “No, no, no. I’m way too old for that. I do not want a picture with Santa Claus.”

Ezran and Soren frowned, looking at each other, down at Bait, then at each other again, finally realizing, Callum thought, that this was not right.

Soren looked confused, like he was trying to recall the page Callum had shown them from the library. “But…how will Santa’s moose—mooses? meese?—know where to find you?”

“That’s—” Rayla started scoffing, but stopped short when Ezran’s frown turned toward her. “Oh, fine.” She sighed, marching toward the sleigh then pausing to look back over her shoulder. Callum felt some of his embarrassment lift, hearing how very clearly affected and good-natured her exasperation was. “Well, come on, then. Not doing this alone.”

Grinning, the boys left Callum down below—sketchbook in hand—and arranged themselves on either side of Barius, Ez in front of Rayla.

“Was this your bright idea?” Rayla asked Ez, squishing down his hair. Callum flushed again when his brother ratted him out and kept his eyes on the vague beginning of his drawing. “Ah,” she hummed, her head cocked to the side, pursing her lips the way she did when she was trying not to smile. “Awful quiet over there, mage.”.

“Yeah, well…” Callum said, looking up and coughing to hide the way his breath caught at the sweet, teasing glimmer in her eyes that he hadn’t seen shine quite so brightly in a long while. “I, uh…don’t think we got this right, did we?” He added, nearly dropping his charcoal into the snow at how suddenly and how heartily she laughed.

“No, not even a little bit,” she giggled, her cheeks growing pink. Rayla’s hand landed on then squeezed at Ez’s shoulder. She even looked over at Soren warmly before turning back to Callum, grinning more cheerfully than she had in weeks. “But…this is better.”

[alfredolover119]

I looooove your zukka rec lists! I recently became Avatar-obsessed, never got a chance to watch it as a kid and only just got through it all! I was wondering if you'd consider doing a specifically angst rec list? I love fluffy zukka everything, but sometimes you just gotta have your heart ripped out of your chest and put back in after being thoroughly blended.

thank you! i relate heavily to “recently became Avatar-obsessed” haha. as for the angst list, i sure can try! warning: all of these have happy endings because im a crybaby who can’t read unhappy endings. also, p much all of the fics in the completed section were featured on my other lists but this is specifically the ANGSTY ones >:^)

angsty zukka wips

first, most obviously, feels like we only go backwards by @oldpotatoe

-currently at 102k with 19/27 chapters posted; rated teen

-the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. you know. i haven’t actually read it yet because, as previously mentioned, i’m a crybaby and am waiting for it to finish up but, from my understanding, this fic will murder you in a dark alleyway with no remorse. if u like zukka angst, you’ve probably already read this, but just in case!

An injury leaves Sokka with amnesia. His last memory is of the failed invasion, of leaving his father behind in enemy territory on the Day of Black Sun. Of hopelessness. Rage. // But then he wakes up, and the war is over. Suddenly, he must come to terms with the fact that years have passed, and that he's somehow the Southern Water Tribe Ambassador to the Fire Nation. He is also supposedly friends with banished-Prince-turned-Fire-Lord Zuko, of all people. Close friends.

Yeah, nah.

and i’ll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands) by @goldrushzukka

-currently 38k with 6/8 chapters posted; rated mature

-holy shit. holy SHIT. modern au based on the “my cat likes my fuckbuddy and i am falling in love” trope(?). maybe it’s just because of how the last chapter ended, but oh my god. this one made me cry. made me want to commit violence. when it’s not angsty as hell, it’s pretty funny, but holy shit. ao3 user nebulastucky please.

It’s supposed to be a one night stand. Pick up some guy at a bar, barely remember his name and never learn anything real about him, send him packing in the morning with a thanks for the ride and a cup of coffee to-go. That’s how it’s supposed to go. // But then it’s the best sex Sokka has ever had, and he thinks he’ll hate himself if he never gets to have it again.

Violet Blossoms and Celestial Objects by @hollypunkers

-currently 15k with 2/? posted. rated teen.

-this is the sequel to blue (an angsty, zukka rewrite of book 2-- go read it if u havent!)! !! this is a book 3 rewrite. only two chapters in and mrs hollypunkers is really abusing the miscommunication tag, as zukka writers seem to enjoy doing. im excited to see how the world and story develops with the changes to the story! you should be too!! its very good! obviously spoilers for blue lmao

Having sided with the Avatar in Ba Sing Se, Zuko not only must navigate his new relationship with Sokka but returning to the Fire Nation as a banished enemy. His own journey of self discovery and personal growth must now coexist alongside the personal struggles of every other member of the Gaang as together they blaze a treacherous path toward an unsure victory against Zuko's own father and nation.

breakable heaven by @fruitysokka

-currently 71k with 9/11 chapters posted. rated teen

-swt ambassador zuko! soon to be chief sokka! fake dating ur best friend to get out of an arranged marriage! what could go wrong!!! i also haven’t read this one ((see: i’m a crybaby who is being hurt by too many zukka wips already)), but it has been hanging out in my marked for later for months. from what i understand, this fic has: angst.

With his twenty-first birthday looming just around the corner, the Southern Water Tribe Elders have decided that Sokka, next in line to be Chief, needs to get married. Sokka does not want that, but he does need to get them off his back until he can figure his way out of it. What better way to do that than to pretend to date his best friend (and newly minted Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe) Zuko? // Seriously, this is a foolproof plan. Maybe one of Sokka's best. Absolutely nothing can go wrong.

angsty zukka fics (completed!)

(i’ll put these in wc order)

lighthouse beam by @incorrectzukka

-7k, rated g

-a modern college au!! zuko’s inner-monologue is very angsty in this fic. typical zuko. also per usual, theyre both fucking dorks. they sort themselves out in the end, but not before The Angst. zuko is semi-deaf in this fic and also he has a bit of internalized homophobia.

Sokka’s breathtakingly beautiful and he’s smart and makes other people laugh. Zuko has a half-burnt face and a deaf ear. It’s not rocket science. // Or, Zuko falls in love with the boy in his Philosophy class.

This Isn’t My Idea of Fun by @khaleeseas

-9k, explicit

-moon spirit/nwt prince!sokka, no war to be found here! admittedly this isnt THAT angsty but like. the angst IS present. zuko is still the prince. a lovely childhood friends (though they hated each other for a minute haha) to lovers story. 

If you asked Zuko, he and Azula saw far too much of Chief Hakoda of the Northern Water Tribe’s children growing up. It wasn’t until they were older, and Azula pointed out that - duh - their families were trying to set them all up, that he realized why. // He was told by his mother to be polite. These people were their friends and allies, and though their nations were as different as they came, harmony between nations was the most important thing. // It wasn’t his fault the Chief’s children were so annoying.

put your lips close to mine (as long as they don’t touch) by @celestialceci

-9k, teen

-modern au! zuko and sokka are college roommates. zuko goes to spend the summer with sokka. again,, not really that angsty but-- its there!! the detail and feeling of Home in this story make me happy. zuko is insecure as hell here too. if ur into that. 

Zuko hates his home. He likes college alright, but he likes Sokka even better, his assigned roommate turned best friend. Spending the summer with Sokka will be fun, a welcome change of pace he desperately wants. It probably won't awaken anything in him... right?

the thing about dancing by anodymalion

-9k, teen

-yes. this one right here officer. it makes my heart ache. also trans sokka! which is cool. but the zuko angst in this one. hurts me. not so much relationship angst as it is zuko learning he deserves happiness angst. i’m sure u know The Type.

The first time a attendant spills Zuko’s tea and doesn’t immediately fall to her knees, begging the Fire Lord’s forgiveness, it is not anger but a resounding warmth that fills his chest.

i could (never) give you peace by @zukkababey

-10k, mature

-OUCH. OUCH OUCH OUCH. boys please learn to communicate im begging u. also zuko.. zuko, dude. as the tags of the fic say, hes “really going through it” in this one. YOUCH. post-canon.

Zuko almost said it. He almost said the words I think I’m in love with you, but he choked them back down at the last second. // Zuko would never be able to be what Sokka wanted. They might have needed each other during the summer, when two boys with too much weight on their shoulders found comfort in each other in the only way they knew how. // But now Zuko was Fire Lord, and Sokka was leaving.

this love burns so yellow (becoming orange and in its time, exploding) by @meliebee 

-18k, teen, major character death 

-i lied. THIS is the one, officer. found family.. good mai and zuko and toph friendships.. . ozai escapes prison and tries to overthrow zuko. OBVIOUSLY angst ensues. poor boy. he Does heal in this but it gets worse before it gets better. angst angst angst angst.

Ten months after Zuko is crowned at seventeen, he faces his first coup.

Anything for You by beersforqueers

-23k, explicit

-istg. this is probably one of my favorite zukka fics. its PAINFUL. modern au where theyre broken up but sokka hasnt told his family yet so zuko goes home with him for kataang wedding. a bit smutty, but the plot oh my god ohgm y fuvk. made me cry the first time i read it. (see: crybaby!me) insert that one picture of the horse with the caption PAIN. 

In which Sokka and Zuko have broken up but Sokka hasn't told his family yet. So when Katara and Aang's wedding weekend rolls around and he doesn't want to break Gran-Gran's heart, he asks Zuko to pretend to be his boyfriend for one last weekend. // Things don't go as planned.

Moving Mountains by @thefangirlingdead

-64k, mature

-so. when i read this the first time it was in one sitting. soulmate au set within canon era / the comics, to an extent. soulmates can hear each others thoughts. i will happily say this is slowburn, jesus christ. champagne without the cham. 

Soulmates are chosen by the spirits and can hear each other’s thoughts. Sokka thinks it’s cheesy and dumb. Zuko thinks it’s poetic justice that he doesn’t have one because he doesn’t deserve it. Cruel irony is finding out that the prince of the Fire Nation (and the person currently hunting you) is your soulmate.

In the Soft Light by @voidcenturyscholar and @romancedawning

-83k, teen, graphic depictions of violence

-moon spirit!sokka living in the northern water tribe. zuko is sent to the northern water tribe as a cultural liaison. iroh is the fire lord but while he is away taking care of lu ten after his injury ozai steps up. i cannot express how many emotions this fic made me feel. background yuetara. i would almost say found family?? but. anyway. plenty of angst to spare here with a healthy dose of enemies to friends to lovers.

As the newly appointed cultural liaison to Northern Water Tribe, Zuko is the first Fire Nation Citizen to step foot inside the city's walls in nearly a century. He's determined to prove himself—to the Fire Lord and to his father—even if the Water Tribe's spirit-touched prince seems to want nothing to do with him.

That Midnight Sky by @zukkababey

-103k, teen

-now now now. tms... modern college au where sokka agrees to tutor zuko in physics because zuko has to maintain straight a’s and physics is just not doing it for him. so. thats cool but THEN azula moves in, randomly, with zuko. to hide the fact that sokka is tutoring zuko, they fake date! what could go wrong!! the mutual pining in here combined with the angst... wonderful, tasty. everyone read it rn. also SLOWBURN 

In Zuko’s strict family, needing a tutor is just about the worst thing you could do. Failing a class, however, is even worse. The only rational solution? Take up Aang on his offer to find him a physics tutor and have Sokka—beautiful, smart, handsome Sokka—tutor him in secret. // When Azula’s arrival threatens to reveal Zuko’s secret, it’s up to Sokka to convince her this definitely isn’t what it looks like. See, he’s actually… Zuko’s… boyfriend? // Hmm. There’s no way this could get complicated, right?

[13uswntimagines]

Surprise Superstar (Christen Press x Reader)

Request: cp and r have been together since college (married now) and aren’t hiding it but no one seemed to connect the dots. r is famous (you decided how) and hasn’t seen cp in a minute and goes to surprise her?

The locker room was incredibly lively today, everyone extremely excited to be facing off against Australia. It was going to be a tough game, but at least the Aussies were nice.

“Have you seen Y/n’s latest performance, she sang thinking out loud to a girl cause it was her birthday,” Emily cheered, dancing around to your latest song, pulling up said video. The youngins were absolutely obsessed with your music. Kelley sent a smirk Christen’s way.

“She does that every show, she brings a girl on stage and serenades her” Kelley laughed with an eye roll.

See, you and Christen had been dating since college and had been married for the past year and a half. How everyone was so oblivious, she would never know, but the youngins were going to freak when they realized they were basically talking about how much of a heartthrob you were in front of your wife.

“But she never pulls a guy up, like ever,” Lindsey added, shaking her head.

It was kinda your thing. One fan always got to come on stage during the guitar set (often called the love song set). It never bothered Christen and it allowed you to be closer to your fans.

“In Victorious she literally calls herself a killer king, there’s no way she’s straight,” Emily snorted, entirely unaware that you literally called Christen your queen and your mutual love of Queen’s song Killer Queen had led to the lyric, to begin with. If they looked closely enough, they were sure to find hints of your love for Christen spread throughout your music.

“Yeah, and in perfect she’s talking about a girl in a dress,” Sam called over her shoulder. And again Kelley sent Christen a look. There was no way that either of those songs were about a man considering you had written Perfect for your wedding, about your wife.

Christen nodded lightly at Kelley. The two of you had decided that there was no need to officially come out. You certainly weren’t hiding your relationship, but you were both extremely private people. Kelley nodded back, she wouldn’t outright break the news to the youngins, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t mess with them a little. They would figure it out eventually.

“I’ve known Y/n for a long time and I can 100% say that there is absolutely no way it’s about a boy,” Kelley snorted, tying her cleats.

“Wait, You know Y/n?” Emily turned to where Tobs, Kelley and Christen were sitting with wide eyes, nearly vibrating with excitement. How could they know her favorite singer and not tell her? Was she a frat daddy like Kelley back in those days? Was she as flirty as she always came across?

“We’ve been over this guys, Y/n went to Stanford with us,” Christen sighed, glancing down at her phone, entirely over this conversation. She was waiting for you to call, you hadn’t seen each other in months.

You were both incredibly busy and she would take every second she could get with you, even if it was on FaceTime.

“Isn’t that where she wrote Good Girls?” Lindsey chimes in with a raised eyebrow, trying to connect the dots on the timeline. A timeline that was incredibly important to your fans.

See, you had a reputation for leaving clues that rivaled Taylor Swift’s. You liked to leave little breadcrumbs for your fans to follow, with enough information to speculate but never actually connect the dots. The timeline was vital to their theories, and where you wrote Good Girls is where lots of people thought your best relationship started.

“Yep, and I might even know the good girl she was talking about,” Kelley huffed lowly, shaking her head and trying to get the image of your many makeouts in the library with Christen out of her head. Christen blushed lightly but remained quiet. She was happy to let Kelley take the questions as the woman was your best friend.

“What about the inspiration for Falling?” Emily asked with wide eyes. It was always the song that didn’t fit the timeline. The one no one could place because it sounded like a breakup song amongst all the lovey-dovey ones.

Kelley nodded, sending a worried look towards Christen. She didn’t think she would ever forget the mess that was the aftermath of the 2016 Olympics. It had been a dark time for you all, and it led to some of your most heartbreaking music.

“That too,”

“Is she as smooth and cool as she seems?” Emily asked with the most love stuck puppy look that Kelley had ever seen. Christen and Tobin resisted the urge to snort. If only the youngin knew that you were already married (how had they missed it? You weren’t hiding) and that she was talking to your wife.

“She a total dork, but..”  Kelley started, only to be interrupted by Christen’s phone, the tell song Superstar by Taylor ringing through the room. She was going to kill you for changing your ringtone.

“I gotta take this,” Christen mumbled with a blush, standing and heading towards the door for a little privacy.

“Tell her I say hi?” Kelley yelled as the locker room door shut.

****

Christen took a deep breath, leaning against the stonewall of the hallway, pulling the phone to her ear.

“Hey babe,” She sighed into the device the moment she hit the accept call button.

“It’s so freaking good to hear your voice,” You husked into the phone, your voice an octave lower than normal and fairly scratchy. She was one of the only people in the world who got to hear your voice like this, and it still sent shivers down her spine.

“Hmmm, seems yours is a little froggy… how was the show?” She asked biting her lip. Now wasn’t the time to get turned on by your after-show voice, your after-show voice was her third favorite husky voice (Your after sex voice was first and your morinng voice was second), she had a show of her own to put on.

“Amazing! Like the crowd was spectacular, there was just one thing missing,” You murmured into the phone, and Christen smirked.

“And what’s that,” she smirked back, a smile playing on her lips. You always got adorable when you were talking about your fans. They were the reason you got to do the thing you loved, and you made sure to show them how much you loved them.

“You superstar, like I would much rather serenade you during the love song set than a random audience member,” You finished. Your voice might be too rough to be honey right now, but you were smooth as ever. Kelley could call you a dork all she wanted, but you were incredibly suave when it came to your wife.

“I know darling,” She sighed softly, looking down.

It never bothered her that you sang love songs to your fans because she knew that you would rather be singing to her. You took every opportunity you could to make her feel special, to show her how much you loved her. Yes, you were incredibly sexy singing on stage in front of thousands. Yet, she much preferred when you sang just to her while you were making breakfast with a spatula as your microphone, or singing her something new with just your guitar.

“I just miss you. It’s been like 2 months,” You whined lightly. It was far less time than the longest you had been apart, but you still missed her like crazy. She was one of the only people who could read you like a book. Who wanted you for you and not for the music you could produce.

“Soon baby, my last friendly is in 4 days, and then I’m all yours,” She responded soothingly. She knew how much pressure the music work put on you. She leaned back into the concrete, letting the cold stone ease her. She hated how upset you sounded.

“Can’t wait.” You yawned through the word, and Christen sighed, she wasn’t fond of being away from you for long periods of time either, but it was what it took for the two of you to simultaneously live out your dreams. You had worked just as hard as she had to get where you were, and both of you respected each other enough to recognize that. Still, it didn’t make it suck any less.

“You sound tired,” She hummed, frowning. She knew that tour was hard, but she didn’t like it when you ran yourself ragged.

“Hmmm, I’ve done 3 shows in 3 days and 4 talk show performances,” You huffed, sounding just as unhappy as she was.

“You should sleep babe,” She murmured as though it would lull you to sleep. She knew how difficult it was for you to sleep on the road with all the anxiety and pressure that being on tour brought.

“Wanted to wish you good luck, or to break a leg or whatever the proper terminology is,” You dinosaur yawned again, sounding absolutely adorable.

“To have a good game,” She corrected with an eye roll, her hand coming up to rub the back of her neck. If she could remember the thousands of things about music you had taught her, you could remember the good luck term. But tonight she would cut you some slack because she missed you and you sounded like you were gonna pass out at any second.

“Well, I wanted to wish you a good game, and tell you that I have a surprise for you after,” You smiled through the phone, suddenly perking up with excitement.

“A good surprise?” She asked hesitantly, remembering that your last surprise had been your label adding 30 shows to your already long tour. And the one before that had been a picnic date that had ended with both of you soaked from the rain because you hadn’t checked the weather.

“Well, I think so,” You huffed feigning offense to hide your suddenly insecure. You pout obvious to her even through the phone. What she would give to be able to kiss the pout off your lips right now.

“Well then I can’t wait,” She smiled, trying to cheer you up again. The locker room door opened and Tobin popped her head out and gestured that it was time to get ready for the game. “I love you and I’ll talk to you later,” Christen said quickly, making a kissing sound into the phone, and adamantly avoiding Tobin’s gaze.

Tobin laughed lightly. It was rare to see two people as in love as you and Christen. You were sickeningly sweet. She took in the slight downtick in the forward’s smile, the way her fingers wound through her hair. Just because her teammates (besides Kelley) didn’t pay attention, didn’t mean that she didn’t. Hopefully, your surprise would turn help to improve both your moods. At least she was pretty sure it would (you may have asked her and Kelley for help).

Tobin barely heard the “Love you too superstar,” before Christen hung up. She sent the forward a sad smile, gesturing for her to come back. She really hoped your plan worked.

*****

The game had gone great, they had won over Australia 4 to 1, and Christen was the proud owner of two of those goals. She shook hands with the team, patting a very distraught Sam Kerr on the back (Kelley had been on fire against her) and following Tobin over to a bunch of fans.

She signed a few t-shirts, notebooks, and posters, and took a few selfies on some phones. She was so focused on the offered devices that she didn’t see the people handing them to her, her brain on autopilot wondering idly if there was a chance you were still awake enough to take a call from her.

She sighed, reaching for her another phone, and freezing at the picture on the lock screen. It was a photo of the two of you. You were sitting on the floor, a guitar on your lap, a ring perched in your hand, smiling brilliantly up at where she was sitting on the couch, her hands covering her mouth in shock.

That had been the day you proposed, you had sung her a medley of your favorite songs before pulling the ring out and popping the question. It was one of her favorite pictures of the two of you. I also a picture that you hadn’t shared with the world.

“Where did you get this picture,” She stuttered, staring at the offending device, wondering how the hell its owner had gotten such a private photo.

“Pretty sure your dad took it, superstar,” You very croaky voice jolted her out of her staring, and she glanced up at you in shock, her mouth forming an o, just before she launched herself at you. She pulled you over the wall and into her arms with an elated giggle. You hugged her tight, allowing her to bury her face in your neck, and bringing your hand up to cup the back of her head.

“You’re here,” She mumbled into your throat, placing little kisses up the column of your neck, before landing on your cheeks and pulling away to look you in the eyes.

“I’m here, missed you too much to stay away,” You grinned, leaning in and placing a chaste kiss on her lips.

“Damn, get some Press,” Kelley’s wolf-whistled as she approached. “you’re rocking the wrong Jersey Y/l/n” She laughed, pinching the Press Jersey you were proudly sporting. You groaned loudly, glancing at your best friend, with a raised eyebrow.

“Actually it’s Press - y/l/n, and hello to you too squirrel,”

“You sound like you ate some gravel,” She laughed as she pulled you into a hug of her own.

“I finished my show and flew right here, thank god for time zones,” You three your head back with a laugh, shoving Kelley away lightly before retiring or Christen’s embrace.

“Not to break up this beautiful reunion, but you two have an audience,” Tobin sent you a smile before gesturing to the youngins who were watching you interact with Kelley and Christen with wide eyes. Emily was bouncing up and down, while Lindsey was trying and failing to control her.

“They’re gonna freak aren’t they,” You asked, waving at team blond, your eyes widening at the squeal Emily released. You swallowed a cringe and shot them a million-dollar smile.

“Oh yeah, pretty sure that Sonnett is your biggest fan, so good luck buddy” Kelley laughed in mock sympathy, patting your shoulder.

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you,” Your wife smiled, pulling your back to her front and resting her chin on your shoulder.

“I’m sure they’ll chill out after I’m here for a few days right?” You asked hesitantly, side-eyeing your best friend and the love of your life.

“A few days?” Christen gasped in shock.

“Yeah, my next show isn’t until Saturday night, so I’ll be here till then,” You mumbled, turning your head so you could look her in the eyes.

“And then I get to go with you to your show,” Her eyes were wide as her mind worked in overtime to connect the dots to what you were saying.

“Funny how that worked,” You shrugged with a smirk, grabbing her hand and pulling her around so you could hug her properly again.

“I love you,” She whispered, pecking your lips, you could feel her smile through the kiss.

“Love you too babe,” You smiled, pecking her lips back.

You would do anything to make your wife smile, even if that meant signing a million things for her teammate. Emily squealed again at your PDA, and you glanced over Christen’s shoulder at her, closing your eyes for a moment.

“I think this would be a good time to mention I’m on vocal rest,” You mumbled pointing to your throat and eyeing the forming crowd of youngins. Christen and Kelley burst into laughter.

“Good luck with that one babe,”

[greymantledlady]

you are my sweetest downfall

Adam squeezes Michael’s hands again, reassuring. 'Remember – back down there – how we agreed to talk to each other if anything bothered us? This is like that, okay?’

Michael looks stricken. ‘Oh,’ he says in a small voice. ‘Oh. I didn’t – it really isn’t anything worth your time – ’

My second fic for @midamweek! People seemed to really enjoy Adam calling Michael 'sweetheart' in the previous fic in this verse, so I decided to expand on it. Michael is a dork, honestly.

Read on AO3 or below the cut:

Having an archangel as your boyfriend is really good, actually. Better than good.

Adam, in all his years of (largely) calm and resigned pining in the Cage, had never actually, truly believed he had a chance of anything like this with Michael, anything so soft and domestic and - well, astonishingly, normal, really. It still hits him sometimes, that warm rush of astounded happiness when Michael can't stop looking hopefully down at his lips until Adam simply has to press in close and kiss him, when Michael flushes at Adam making the mildest and most low-hanging of innuendos, when Michael asks him what would be the best gift to give Adam for St Valentine's Day. 

The last incident had occurred in July, because Michael had thought Adam would probably forget all about the conversation by the time February rolled around, and he had been so endearingly pleased with himself over this plan that Adam had started laughing and pulled him down onto the couch by the fire and kissed and sucked all the way down his neck until it bruised.

Given that Michael was at the time a metaphysical projection of grace shaped into a copy of Adam's own body and existing in a dimension faintly to the left of the mortal plane, it probably didn't actually need to have bruised, but Michael had warmed extremely quickly to the concept of hickeys, apparently. He likes them a lot, likes to keep them and nurse them and admire them in the mirror when he thinks Adam's not looking, and Adam thinks it's kind of the best thing ever.

Right now, though, Adam's a little worried.

Michael has been - off - for a little while now. Not worryingly so - nothing like the shaking bouts of grief that Adam had held him through when he'd first gotten back, when he'd been mourning the asshole father who'd never loved or deserved him. Nothing like that, it's just - a sort of odd wistfulness that seems to fall over him sometimes, at the strangest of moments, and Adam is determined to work out what’s causing it.

***

They're in bed, Adam happily boneless and tired out and curled around Michael, stroking his hair while Michael smooths his hand up and down Adam's back in the firm way that Adam likes, his grace-formed body firmly anchored to the physical world this time, as warm and solid as Adam's own. Adam nuzzles his cheek affectionately, smiling against his skin when Michael hums with contentment. 

'Hey,' he says quietly, squinting a little to focus on Michael's face.

'Adam,' Michael says, just as soft. He looks hopeful for a moment, as though he's waiting for something. Adam's not quite sure what it is. He traces his thumb gently over Michael's collarbone, waiting to see if he'll come out with it, but eventually Michael just sighs quietly and turns his face to press it into Adam's hair.

***

Adam, before he’d been killed and resurrected, had enjoyed baking.

Of course, that had been more than a thousand years ago, but – well, time was weird that way, when it came to being trapped in an archangel cage in Hell. It wasn't that he'd forgotten any of it, of course, and he valued those memories, the way Michael had softened, increment by increment, until somewhere along the line he'd become someone Adam couldn't live without.

It was just that, once they'd gotten out, the memories seemed condensed, so that you weren't sure at all if it had been ten years or a thousand. Adam wondered sometimes whether that was what Michael's billions of years of existence must feel like to him, too.

Anyway, he'd liked to bake. When he'd come back, after the first long pain-filled months of negotiating with the Winchesters to bring Michael back too, and after the first whirlwind of joy of finding out Michael wanted him the same way, he'd started again, searching up recipes online on his phone and writing them out in a notebook if they turned out successfully.

Today, he’s craving choc chip cookies, so he looks at the pantry and pulls out flour and sugar and chocolate chips, opening the packet immediately to sneak a few to nibble on as he starts to measure everything out. They need a medium-sized mixing bowl; he needs to put that on the list for the next time they go grocery shopping. The big one is fine for today, though.

‘What are you doing?’ Michael asks, coming up behind him. He touches Adam’s elbow with a soft hand as he passes, leaning on the counter to watch.

‘Baking!’ Adam says. He bumps his hip gently against Michael’s. ‘I’m making choc chip cookies.’

Michael shifts a little closer so they can stay connected, and leans over to inspect the ingredients, poking a finger into the well of flour Adam has measured out, leaving a little dent. He’s always been surprisingly tactile, liking to touch new things, test them on his fingers.

‘Don’t eat that,’ Adam warns. ‘It tastes awful raw. Choc chips are better, here.’ He picks out a single chip – no need to overwhelm Michael’s still-developing sense of taste – and says, with a grin, ‘Open your mouth.’

Michael raises an eyebrow, looking at him, soft-eyed and so in love that it makes Adam’s heart pulse with warmth. ‘Okay, kid,’ he says, and opens up.

Adam puts down his spoon, buzzing with affection, and presses closer, leaning up against Michael’s chest and delighting in the way Michael’s arms come up to circle his waist. ‘Hey,’ he murmurs, up close, and runs his thumb along Michael’s parted lips, just to tease him a little.

Michael sighs, soft, bending forward, only to be foiled by Adam’s hand. ‘Choc chip,’ Adam reminds him, and pops it in.

‘Mm,’ Michael says, nibbling. He looks so surprised at the small burst of sweetness that Adam grins again.

‘Good, yeah?’ he says. ‘Do you want another one?’

Michael licks his lips. ‘It was good,’ he says. ‘I don’t want another one, though.’ His eyes dip downwards, his hand stroking a hopeful little circle on Adam’s back.

‘I can’t imagine what you do want,’ Adam teases. He snuggles himself a little more firmly against Michael, runs his hands down his sides and around to fit into his back pockets, enjoying the way Michael shivers. ‘Oh, get over here.’

‘I am here,’ Michael says, but then Adam kisses him, slow and sweet, smiling against his lips before pulling back. ‘Oh,’ he says softly. ‘Adam.’

‘Michael,’ Adam says, just as softly, and leaves another tiny kiss at the corner of Michael’s mouth, the moment drawing out soft and gentle; the kind of moment that you could live in forever. Michael’s eyes are soft and hazy, leaning into him, and Adam reaches up to run his knuckles over his cheek.

Michael exhales, and strokes his hands gently across Adam’s back, watching him closely. He has that odd, hidden wistfulness in his face again, as though he’s waiting for something, and Adam wants to do something about it, wants Michael to tell him what it is so he can give it to him.

‘What is it?’ he says gently, and holds back the endearment that wants to spill out, absurdly tender. He’s pretty sure it will only make Michael more embarrassed.

Michael sighs again, very soft, and glances away. ‘No, it’s nothing,’ he says.

Adam’s pretty sure it’s not nothing, but he doesn’t press. They have all the time in the world, after all, and he has cookies to bake for them. Michael will come out with it eventually.

***

Except Michael doesn’t come out with it, and it keeps happening, and Adam is honestly starting to worry. They’ll be together, and happy, so happy – he knows Michael is happy, can feel it in the grace that’s constantly twined around his soul. They’ll be kissing, or snuggling, or making love, and it will be a perfect moment, the kind of moment that makes everything worth it, like a warm soft blanket to lose yourself in.

And then suddenly Michael will be looking all wistful, like a sad little puppy wanting a morsel, and disappointed, and Adam is beginning to really, really not like that at all.

He’s tried everything – more kisses, cuddling, even that one thing that Michael really likes during sex but gets incredibly flustered and blushy over, so Adam saves for special occasions. And Michael loves it all, he really does, Adam can feel it, but none of it manages to soothe that particular, wistful little ache in his grace.

When he was small, and he’d had a problem, or felt bad, or unhappy, or guilty, Mum had always managed to coax it out of him eventually. She would sit him on the couch and give him a glass of milk, and tell him that it was always better to talk things out, not hold them inside of you till they hurt. Bad feelings were like appendicitis, she’d say, they’d make you very sick if you left them inside.

Adam thinks Michael has the equivalent of emotional appendicitis at the moment, honestly, and he’s pretty sure he needs to do something to fix that.

***

When Adam comes to find him, Michael is sitting at their kitchen table, inspecting a small pile of rocks. Months ago, he’d read a magazine article about gemstone tumbling, and then read it again, and again, and again, until the pages were dog-eared and Adam couldn’t help but notice. So he’d gone online and bought him a little tumbling kit on Ebay, as a surprise, and Michael had been hugely and gratifyingly pleased about it. Now every time they go for a walk, he comes home with his pockets full of bits of quartz and such, and their house is filled with shiny little piles of gems, like some kind of dragon’s hoard.

(‘It reminds me of creating planets,’ he tells Adam once, softly. ‘I used to polish them until they were so beautiful and round.’)

Now, he looks up as Adam comes up behind him, leaning his head back against Adam’s stomach as Adam slides his arms over his shoulders. Adam kisses his ear. ‘Hey, you,’ he says. ‘You got a moment?’

‘Of course,’ Michael says immediately, at attention. ‘What do you need, Adam?’

‘Just you,’ Adam says, and gives his shoulders a little squeeze before pulling out the chair next to Michael’s and sitting down, swivelling towards him. Michael puts down the rock he’d been inspecting and turns to face him, the full force of his attention directed onto Adam’s face.

‘Okay,’ Adam says, and reaches out to take Michael’s hands in his own, squeezing. ‘I need to talk to you about something, Michael – oh, no, don’t look at me like that,’ he breaks off, running a comforting thumb over Michael’s knuckles. ‘It’s nothing bad.’

Michael nods, still looking rather worried.

Adam decides to get it over with. ‘Look, I’ve noticed that there’s something bothering you,’ he says gently. ‘Something that you want, that you’re not telling me. I can feel it in your grace – like last night, when we were falling asleep, and when I made cookies, and other times, too.’ He squeezes Michael’s hands again, reassuring. ‘Remember – back down there – how we agreed to talk to each other if anything bothered us? This is like that, okay?’

Michael looks stricken. ‘Oh,’ he says in a small voice. ‘Oh. I didn’t – it really isn’t anything worth your time – ’

‘Oh, sweetheart,’ Adam says softly, because he can’t help it, ‘of course it is, it always is – ’

And suddenly, bizarrely, Michael’s grace is going wild, elated, looping and twining, wrapping around his soul with little, soft, shuddering ripples of happiness. He looks as though he’s about one step from breaking down, swaying a little towards Adam with his eyes shiny and his lips a little unsteady.

Okay, what?

‘Okay, what?’ Adam says, and reaches out to touch his face. ‘Michael, what was that? What happened? That was it, wasn’t it?’

Michael swallows, his grace still buzzing with happiness, turning his face into Adam’s touch. ‘You said it again,’ he says, closing his eyes for a moment like he’s basking in Adam’s warmth.

‘Said what?’ Adam says – and, ‘wait, ‘sweetheart’?’ His heart feels like it’s melting. ‘That was all you wanted? For me to call you pet names?’

Michael is going pink now, avoiding his eyes. ‘You must think I’m foolish,’ he mumbles.

‘Of course I don’t,’ Adam says, overwhelmed with sheer fondness. ‘Well, maybe just a little bit, for not just telling me, honestly.’ He knuckles gently at the corner of Michael’s eye, and it actually comes away a little damp. ‘Oh, sweetheart,’ he says, knowing he sounds ridiculously tender, and that pulse of sheer bright happiness ripples through Michael again, through his grace.

‘It was the first thing you said,’ Michael says softly. ‘When you brought me back. My name, Michael, and – and you called me that. And I asked about it, and you kissed me and I was happy, but you never said it again. I,’ he swallows. ‘I don’t know why I. I wanted you to say it.’

‘Okay, you need to come here right now,’ Adam says, and climbs directly into his lap. He brings his hands up to hold Michael’s face, looking down at him. ‘Fuck, I love you,’ he says helplessly, and Michael’s whole face twitches, his hands coming up instinctively to fit at the small of Adam’s back.

‘I love you too,’ he says immediately, honestly. ‘Adam.’

‘Yeah?’

‘I – would like it if you said it again, please.’

‘Yeah, sweetheart, okay,’ Adam murmurs against his lips. ‘I’m never going to stop.’

[suntumarchive]

Warning - This story contains male gas, belching and flatulence, as well as facesitting. Focused on Dylas from Rune Factory 4. Canon x OC ship.

Per anon request~ _____

„Dylas? Are you listening to me?“

The young man’s ears perked up at the obvious irritation in his girlfriend’s voice. He admittedly hadn’t been paying a lot of attention to what she had been telling him; he was too busy dealing with… other things.

Since this morning, Dylas hadn’t exactly been feeling well. Ever since he woke up, his insides have been awfully agitated for some reason, and not even milk porridge for breakfast had fixed it. In fact, it was quite the opposite – his stomach felt even stranger ever since he’d had it. It had been consistently grumbling and complaining all day, feeling achy and bloated, and not only was it very annoying, it was also embarrassing. His pants and jacket were painfully pushing against his skin, no matter how often he adjusted them. He hadn’t dared to eat lunch, because he didn’t want to make himself even sicker and possibly end up having to cancel his date with Veyza. Of course, Dylas had arrived to it in a rather questionable state, and now she was clearly onto him. A shameful blush spread across his cheeks.

“Uh… sorry. I had… something else on my mind.”

It came out sounding like a bad excuse, and the horse man cursed the naturally sullen tone of his voice. Hopefully he hadn’t made her think anything was more important than their date. The dwarf girl seemed distraught at his response, causing him to feel awfully guilty.

“What’s bothering you? Wanna talk about it?”

“No!! – I mean… no. No, thank you.”

Great job, Dylas. Great job. You butchered this date before it even properly started.

An uncomfortable silence soon filled the room. Veyza wasn’t upset or anything; rather surprised by her partner’s strange behavior. Dylas was full of surprises, and very bad at expressing himself, but tonight it was especially noticeable.

Whatever’s bothering him must take up a lot of space on his mind…

She continued to eat her food in silence, wondering how she could get him to spill the beans. For all her life, she believed it was unhealthy to be alone with your problems. No matter how small they were, they were always lighter when shared with a loved one.

While she was debating on how to approach this matter, Dylas concentrated on how he could save this date. Was there anything he could say that could make up for how he snapped at her just now? What if he hurt her feelings? She didn’t look hurt… but she was so quiet. When Veyza was quiet, that was usually not a good sign.

His thought process was interrupted by a loud growl erupting from his middle, immediately setting his cheeks on fire. He’d been so busy wondering about his girlfriend that he’d forgotten to watch his food intake. Because he hadn’t eaten lunch, he was starving – and therefore eating way too quickly. Now, his already upset stomach was complaining about the sudden filling, gurgling and rumbling by far more than he’d expected it to. Dylas shot a quick glance to his girlfriend, begging whatever Gods were above that she hadn’t heard it. Luckily, she had either missed it, was too lost in her own thoughts to notice, or too polite to acknowledge it.

In fact, Veyza had just come up with a little idea, and blissfully shoved a spoonful of Curry into her mouth. When she noticed him looking at her with that nervous expression, she gave him a loving smile, to let him know everything was alright between them. The man’s heartbeat sped up even more at the sight.

“You know, Dylas…”

“Mmh…?”

“I’ve been really looking forward to our date tonight…”

His expression softened a little. Well, he felt quite the same way. Hence why he had hoped for his stomach to settle down first; because he had wanted it to go smoothly.

“Me too.”

“You too?”, her voice was full of warmth.

“I’m so happy to hear that! I love you, Big D~”

“I… love you too… Princess.”

She chuckled, winking at him. It was always lovely to hear him say that. With the time, she knew she could get him to open up. He was just a bit of a tough nut to crack.

“Now… Don’t you want to tell your princess what has your mind racing tonight?”

“I… don’t know what you mean.”

He couldn’t possibly tell her that he was gassy like… Like a horse.

“Well, maybe it has something to do with the fact that you’re eating a very small amount of sashimi tonight. And without soy sauce or wasabi, too… but more ginger than usual. You see, I know what you like… I’d have expected our dinner date to be more of a feast for you. Or did Porcoline run out of food?”

Touché, Faye.

As if her strange obsession with observing his eating wasn’t already intimidating enough, she also didn’t hesitate to admit that she knew him all too well. She’s been like that since the beginning. It hadn’t taken her long to figure out how he liked his food. Sometimes he legitimately wondered how he developed feelings for this little creep. Maybe… it was exactly because she took her time to figure him out.

“I’m just… I’m feeling a little under the weather.”

“I see…”

The dwarf silently continued to eat, waiting whether or not he was going to tell her what was going on with him. She was grateful he had finally shared what was bothering him, but she would have been happy about some more details. Maybe there was something she could do to make him feel better.

Dylas soon finished the rest of the sashimi on his plate, his innards still rumbling and gurgling ominously while trying to shift the gas around. Now that there was food inside his stomach, he felt like he looked twice his usual size. Even though he had told Veyza about his state, or at least hinted at it, he still felt uncomfortable about it, and hoped the painful rumbling wasn’t loud enough for her to hear.

“That was fantastic food”, she cooed, leaning back in an unfeminine manner. The dwarf didn’t show an ounce of shame. They were alone. Porcoline had made sure they could enjoy their date all by themselves. So she gave Dylas a tiny smirk, and to add to her statement, she let out a little belch.

Uuurp!

“Ugh…!”

Veyza giggled at Dylas’ expression of both disgust and amusement. As much as he tried to look reproachful, he couldn’t fight down the urge to smile at her. The corners of his mouth moved up before he could stop them, and he soon started chuckling along with her.

She was so… herself.

His truthful smile soon formed into a pained grimace, when a big amount of gas began shifting towards his upper belly. Clearly it begged for release. A loud, tormented sounding groan only added to it. Oh no.

Dylas quickly left his seat, making a bit of room in his middle by leaving his narrowed down position. He couldn’t bring himself to let it out in front of Faye. It was just… too much, too soon. Too much pressure. But right now, he had to ask himself what pressure was bigger – belching in front of his new girlfriend, or the menacing rumbles deep within? The gas, combined with his stomach juices working on the food he had eaten, began to feel like knives digging into his insides. Sweat formed on his forehead as he found himself groaning a little, out of sheer frustration. There was such a simple solution to it, but he just couldn’t…

“Dylas? You really don’t look well right now…”

He gave her a pained grimace. It was supposed to be a smile, but it really looked like anything but that.

“I’m fine.”

“Really? Or are you just saying that to shut me up?”

Touché again, Faye.

“Ugh… I’m… Like I said, I’m not in a good shape…”

The dwarf came closer to him, shooting him a warm gaze. Normally it wouldn’t bother him, in fact, he loved it when she looked at him like this, but right now, he only feared she could hear the deep rumbles from his agitated middle. But when she reached for his hand and her soft skin came in contact with his own, he immediately felt at ease.

“Dally… be honest with me… please. There must be something I can do.”

The young man hung his head in shame. She was so good to him. And he was acting like such a dork. Ruining this date. Before he even spoke, his face grew bright red. Just thinking of what he was about to say was absolutely humiliating… but now there was no way out of this anymore.

“My… stomach really hurts…”

“Your stomach…?”

“I’ve been… really gassy all day.”

Dylas half expected her to laugh at him, but instead, she now took his hand between both of hers. His heart skipped a beat when he felt her gently caressing his fingers.

“Oh, love… why didn’t you say anything? We could have spent our date differently… instead of eating together.”

“No!! – No I… I didn’t want to ruin it…”

“Dumb horse, you didn’t ruin anything.”

His face dropped at the name she’d called him. He hated it when she called him a horse, but he assumed he had it coming. She only called him a dumb horse when he did something stupid.

Veyza gently put her arms around his shoulders, giving him a bit of a clumsy hug. He was too tall for her to reach properly, and she also didn’t want to hurt his belly. And most of all, she didn’t want him to be unhappy. She hadn’t meant to hurt his feelings, or make him uncomfortable by confronting him. It was just very important to her that he trusted her with his needs. If anything, she was a little bit upset he hadn’t told her from the start that he wasn’t feeling well. Now they’d already eaten. Now he already felt like he had ruined it. And now, while he gently put his own arms around her, holding her close to him, she could feel his middle acting up right next to her own…

“You know, Big D… it’s still our date…”

“Yeah…?”

Faye gently pulled on his ear, directing him to move his head down a little. She then took his soft, furry ear between two of her stubby fingers, and whispered into it.

“Why don’t we go to my place? I can fix you up… We can spend some time together, just the two of us…”

His ear twitched free from her soft hold. Simultaneously, his tail began to flop around with excitement. As much as he tried to hide it, the thought of being alone with her in her room was pretty thrilling… even in his current state.

“W-what do you mean… fix me up…?”

“You’ll see…”

“But…”, he bit his lower lip and vaguely gestured to his bloated middle. He had to do something about that soon… Or he was going to burst… He wasn’t sure how much longer he could handle holding it back.

“Don’t worry about it”, Veyza purred. She gently brushed her hands across his sides as she let go of his shoulders, sending an intense shiver down the horse man’s spine. Combined with the seductive look on her face, the gesture got him pretty hot and bothered.

“Like I said… I can fix you right up…”

Whatever she meant by that, it sounded promising… but Dylas wasn’t sure just how much humiliation he could handle. If he ended up belching, or worse, farting in front of her… he could never show his face again. His ears were twitching wildly at this point. His first time in his girlfriend’s room, all alone with her… but… in such a state…

#

“Why don’t you take off these clothes?”

“W-what?!”

“What, are you ashamed? Fine, I’ll start then.”

Dylas found himself looking away when the dwarf reached for her shirt and began to pull it over her head. It hadn’t been too long since they had started dating… wasn’t it a bit too early for this? Well, as much as he was trying to be a gentleman, he was a man before he was anything else. Just thinking about the beauty she was about to show him got his eyes drawn to her like a magnet. An almost toneless yelp came from his mouth as he observed her bra – and the lovely chest this lucky piece of clothing was allowed to support. She hadn’t been exaggerating back when she’d said her breasts were tiny, but their shape was very cute. His tail started flailing like a fish out of water once he saw her taking her skirt off as well, revealing the counterpart to the mentioned bra – the most adorable blue lace panties he ever laid eyes on. When Veyza put her clothes aside, left with nothing but her underwear and her plain, black stockings as she walked towards him, he could barely look away anymore. Her shoulders and legs, covered in dark, poorly healed scars from her countless battles, her small, flat, but muscular form, and the obviously differently sized breasts, with her left one being almost twice the size… she lacked everything he was taught to be “hot” or “beautiful”, and yet, he was absolutely certain that he had never seen a more attractive woman in his entire life.

“Well? Are you going to take your clothes off, too? Or are you just gonna stare at me?”

Dylas bit his lower lip and nodded, obediently taking off his jacket. As he unbuttoned his shirt, he hesitated for a second. His stomach felt like a massive balloon, full of air and food. Was he really ready to show it to her…? The man closed his eyes and forced himself to think of his girlfriend, who had just showed him one of her biggest insecurities. He remembered how poorly she talked of her breasts. Of their differing sizes. There was no way she hadn’t felt anything while taking off her clothes for him. Maybe she was just as uncomfortable as he was…

With that in mind, he inhaled sharply, and finally took his shirt off, revealing his well built upper body to her. Veyza observed his chest, arms and shoulders as if spellbound. What a beautiful bone structure… Those broad shoulders, those refined collarbones, the pecs, and that gorgeous belly, though bloated, with that cute little trail of hair running down into his pants… How dare he hide this beautiful body from her for so long? She gently put her hands on his sides, feeling the goosebumps creep onto his flawless skin. His expression was full of worry, as if he feared she would judge him, but she honestly didn’t know what was there to judge. His sensual, slightly opened lips, just begging to be gently bitten and thoroughly kissed? His cheekbones, sharp enough to cut diamond with? The long, soft locks of hair; a smooth, greyish blue waterfall, a dream of any woman worth dying for? Seeing the normally so sultry eyes of his all soft and full of warmth made her heart pound with utter bliss. There was absolutely nothing on him for her to criticize.

Gods, he was so beautiful. She could barely stop staring.

The dwarf placed a quick kiss on the lightning shaped scar on his cheek.

“Hey, Big D… Didn’t you forget something?”

Dylas swallowed audibly. His pants were still on, and they were painfully cutting into his bloated middle, but he knew once he took them off, he would be entirely exposed to her. He, and his agitated stomach. It was tough for him to admit to his weaknesses, even now. But… he wanted to feel safe with her.

Very gently, he removed her hands from his sides, and started unbuttoning his pants. The relief he experienced when they popped open and gave his belly more room to breathe was beyond words. It took the poor soul all his self control to hold back a satisfied moan when he finally rid himself of this tight prison. Dylas felt much better just being in his underwear; the relaxation was written on his face. Just that view alone was enough to make Veyza feel excited. He was gorgeous when he looked so pleased…! But the moment didn’t last long, as his expression soon changed into something more… awkward.

“Nh… now what?”, he asked.

“Kissies!”, Faye demanded in a playful manner and gently pushed him towards her bed. He stumbled backwards, holding onto her shoulders a little.

“Hey, slow down…!”

“Never! Now I’ve got you right where I want you!”

For a second, Dylas remembered something Leon had said to him a while ago.

When you take her clothes off and wears matching underwear, it’s not you who wanted to have sex tonight.

An intense blush spread across his cheeks as he allowed her to push him onto her bed. She was tiny, but truly a pack of power. This girl knew exactly what she wanted – and how she’d get it. Before the poor guy knew what was happening to him, Faye had pinned his arms above his head, seated herself comfortably on his hips, and started scattering small kisses and bites all over his neck. A small whine came from his mouth as she shifted a little, causing his manhood to react with interest in what was causing the pressure on it. But as much as he enjoyed her kisses and bites, her womanhood pressed against his gentlemansword… He was still so incredibly, horribly, painfully gassy. It was hard for him to get in the mood, especially with her added weight on his already aching middle. He let out an audible moan, but it was more of an expression of discomfort. Right afterwards, a loud gurgle erupted from underneath Veyza’s small body. The dwarf immediately realized what it meant and got back into a straight position, giving his belly more room.

“I’m sorry…”, he panted, sweat forming on his forehead, as well as on the side of his churning gut.

“No, I’m sorry… I should have paid more attention…”

She carefully ran her hands across his sides and towards his abdomen, feeling the low, deep rumbles within, as well as the strange popping noises and the squelching. It felt like his insides were all over the place, helplessly attempting to juggle the gas inside. Her boyfriend’s pained, desperate expression tore right through her heart. She felt a bit guilty for taking him with her instead of letting him go home. The best she could do… was make him feel at home.

“Dally… why don’t you just let it out?”

“What?! Forget about it…!”

“Oh come on! It’s natural! We all have gas sometimes! Also… what’s the use of being with me if you’re going to be in pain all night…?”

He sighed, covering his face with both his hands. Just the mere thought was awfully humiliating. Did he really have to be the first one to cross the burp and fart barrier? It was the last thing he wanted. But… it grew increasingly harder to hold it in… and without all this gas, it would definitely be much easier for him to get in the mood for… other things.

“Ugh… fine…”, Dylas groaned, gesturing her to leave his pelvis. Veyza did as she was asked, allowing him to sit on the edge of the bed. Even though his eyes were pressed shut and his facial skin bright red, the anticipation for the release in his expression was clearly visible. The loud gurgles and groans consistently coming from underneath his belly button made it pretty obvious how much he needed it.

“Are you… sure I shouldn’t go outside or…”

“It’s okay, Big D. Really.”

She sincerely thought so. Going outside would mean he would be embarrassed, still. But she believed there was no reason for him to be; not anymore. Dylas was generally a very awkward and taciturn person. It had taken him many, many months to warm up to her, any even longer to get this close to her. It had taken her forever to gain his trust, and to get him to be truthful about his feelings. Honesty and mutual trust was what a good and stable relationship was built on, or at least, so she heard. So she wanted him to trust her and feel safe around her, in every possible way. She wanted him to know she would never judge him, and it was honestly, absolutely, okay for him to be vulnerable – or gassy, in this case.

Dylas bit his lower lip, the gas painfully working itself through his insides. As much as he tried to, he just couldn’t forget about his girlfriend sitting next to him… it was so embarrassing. He wished he could just be alone for a few minutes. But it didn’t seem like she would let him. So he was left no choice but to…

BUUUUUURRRRP!!

The young man immediately, reflexively covered his mouth; his cheeks burning with shame. He hadn’t expected the first belch to be so unholy and loud already, but Gods, it felt good to let it out! He couldn’t help but whimper. Faye felt her face turn red as well. Was it sympathy? Awkwardness? She wasn’t sure. The one thing she was sure of, though, was that she loved that look on his face. That mixture of embarrassment, discomfort and pleasure… she had no words. Dylas wanted to apologize, but he felt the next belch working itself up his throat in this very moment.

Guuuurrrrgleee… rrruuuUUUUURRRRP!!

Even though he hadn’t taken his hands from his mouth, the loud burping sound had barely been muffled by them at all. His ears were moving back and forth anxiously. His gut was still rumbling ominously. And he definitely didn’t seem satisfied yet. Veyza bit her lower lip, unable to take her eyes off his face. This new, unusual expression awoke something deep inside her. She was so used to seeing this stern, rough stallion; it was oddly refreshing to see him with such a helpless look.

He was… so cute.

This time, the gas seemed to shift down instead of up, and she could tell by his panicked grimacing that he wanted this even less. For some reason, the dwarf girl grew excited at the thought. She was eager to see what he looked like when he experienced that kind of relief.

Deep down, she was hoping he would moan a little.

Dylas shifted, his rear facing away from her, and hung his head in shame as the thunder rumbling through his intestines found its way to daylight.

BBBRRRRRRRPPPPPTTT!!

“Aah…!”

That whine…! Faye’s clit was actually twitching by now. Gods, why did this turn her on so much?

“I’m so sorry…”

“Please… don’t apologize…!”

Dylas finally dared to turn his head towards her, surprised to see what expression she was wearing. She looked awfully giddy, her nails dug into her bedsheets and her body all cramped up. Was she holding back her laughter?

“Go on, laugh at me… I deserve it…”

“N-no, I would never…!”

Veyza was an honest soul. But if she wasn’t going to laugh, what was that body language about? The monster man looked down at his own feet, unable to handle the shame. He felt like he could never look her in the eyes again… Just by chance, as he turned his head, Dylas caught a quick glance at her privates, and was more than surprised to see that her panties were soaked. Was this still from before…?!

“Faye…!”

“W-what?”

“Are you… is… am… you….”

“I… what?”

Gods, this was so awkward. How could he possibly ask her what was on his mind? His heart was racing. He was hoping for the ground to open up underneath him and drag him right into oblivion.

“Did that… turn you on?”

Oh no. Now Faye felt the same way. Now it was her cheeks that grew bright red.

“Mh… maybe.”

Dylas felt a wave of heat rush through his body. His belching and farting had actually turned her on? Was she serious? That was probably the weirdest, and yet most… intriguing moment of his life. Suddenly, he wasn’t as ashamed anymore. In fact, he was rather… curious.

“So… you’re into that…?”

“I guess…”

“Why… didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know either…”

They both shared an awkward chuckle. All of a sudden, Dylas reached for his partner’s hand, causing her to jerk a little, but she was soon captivated by his intense, amber eyes.

“You know… I’m still pretty gassy…”

“You mean… gassy like a horse…?”

He grunted in disapproval, squeezing her hand a little, but he wore a smile on his lips.

“Yeah. Gassy like a horse.”

“My… what do we do about that…”

This was new for both of them, but it felt like their bodies knew exactly how this worked. Veyza was instantly drawn to him again, and found herself slipping over to him, her aroused womanhood seemingly guiding her. With no hesitation, she began to place kisses on his neck again, slowly moving up to his face, and soon working on his bottom lip. Dylas pulled her closer and seated her on his lap, joining the fiery smooch. Gratefully, he opened the strap of her bra, and caressed her breasts with one hand each. While she slid her tongue into his mouth with a soft moan, he noticed Faye’s hands reaching for his still bloated middle. As she began to passionately tease his tongue with her own, he felt her warm fingers rubbing his agitated gut. Before Dylas could do anything about it, another belch erupted from his mouth, right into hers.

Uuuuuurrrrp…

As if to show her approval, Faye moaned into his mouth and began to grind her womanhood against his thigh, causing his member to grow harder within seconds. She was really into that! He could barely believe it. Fervently, he took off her bra, threw it behind himself and pushed her from his lap onto the bed. She sunk down with a yelp and caught a quick glance at his aroused member pushing against his underwear before he pinned her down by her arms, just the way she had done it before, and scattered kisses all over her chest.

“Oh fuck, baby…!”, she gasped, experiencing nothing but thrill at the most disliked part of her body being worshipped like this. Dylas softly purred into her skin, his tail flopping frantically. From the corner of her eye, his girlfriend saw said tail rising slowly.

FRRRRRRAAAAPPRRRRTT!!

He moaned blissfully at the relief it caused him. Heavens, that felt so good! The smell that soon filled the room drove Veyza almost to the edge of an orgasm.

“By the Gods…!! Dally, don’t make me cum without you inside me!”

Oh, he definitely didn’t want that! Greedily, he pulled her panties off her hips ands thighs, and allowed himself a quick look at her womanhood as he dropped her underwear at the other side of the bed. Of course, she didn’t want to be excluded. After she allowed him to admire her for a little while, she practically clawed at his boxers, roughly pulling them off. Dylas couldn’t hold back a few whimpers as it brushed against his erect member, causing the young woman to helplessly bite the back of her hand in order to keep herself calm. She knew she called him Big D for a reason. He was so unbelievably sexy! Now that she was so aroused, the dirty desires just wouldn’t stop pouring in.

I wanna blow you while you fart. Give me your tongue, and burp into my pussy. Please, just sit on my face and fart on me.

Dylas observed her face with an almost loving expression, eager to find out what was on her mind.

“What are you thinking about, princess?”

“Nothing… Everything…”, she panted, giving him a bit of an embarrassed look.

“I have… a different idea… Are you still gassy…?”

The young man gently slowly lowered his middle towards her face. Veyza gasped, turned her head to the side a little, and allowed his noisy gut to rest on her ear. It was still very active, churning and groaning as it zealously destroyed the dinner he’d had earlier. Faye found herself whining as a particularly loud rumble caused his skin to vibrate right against her ear.

“Oh heavens, baby… it wants to come out…”

“It really does…”

“I want to smell it…”

“Are you sure?”

He lifted his middle from her head, and Faye nodded devotedly.

“Yeah… please, Big D, sit on my face… We can fuck after you’re done using me as your seat…”

The horse man chuckled lowly. His member began to throb at her request, sending a shiver down his girlfriend’s spine.

“As you wish, princess…~”

The dwarf was so excited when Dylas turned around that she legitimately had to stop her body from jerking on its own, like a chihuahua. She whined with anticipation when she saw his butt actually lower down towards her face. His tail tickled her nose for a moment before it was flopped out of the way, and she saw her boyfriend’s twitching butthole just for a few seconds before it was placed directly between her mouth and nose.

God, that was so hot!

She couldn’t help but moan loudly as she dug her nails into his sides. He grunted, shifting a little. Perfect, now she got even more of his scent up her nose. The girl shut her eyes to fully enjoy the moment, and gently began to caress Dylas’ butthole with her tongue. Simultaneously, she reached for his member with one of her hands, and rubbed the side of his belly with the other. She’d told him from the start, she was good at multitasking! Yet it seemed to have caught him by surprise. He grunted, holding onto her hand while it was circling across his belly. She could still feel it rumbling, and gosh, did it make her happy!

Dylas could barely believe he was actually getting his ass eaten for the first time. He found himself covering his mouth, his cheeks flaming. That was something he could never see himself doing… and yet, here he was – and it felt amazing. With Faye’s skilled tongue stroking his sensitive anus and occasionally poking through to his rectum as well, he quickly grew harder inside her hand, a few drops of pre cum making their way out of his tip.

No, not yet…!

He bit the back of his hand in a desperate attempt to fight down his arousal. He didn’t want to cum yet. Not while he wasn’t inside her yet! His penis throbbed almost painfully, causing his hips to jerk on their own. He was so tensed up, trying to keep his rock hard gentlemansword under control, that a few tiny farts slipped right into Faye’s mouth.

“Hngh… I’m so sorry…! I can’t hold it!”

She patted the side of his belly and gave him the ok hand, even though she was gagging a little. Her reaction was so oddly arousing to him… and if she kept touching him like that, he wouldn’t be able to pull himself together much longer… Occasional drops of cum ran down his member, onto her hand, and his voice only grew needier as he attempted to keep it down. Dylas soon found himself moaning her name over and over again while she caressed his asshole and jerked him off at the same time while he squeezed her free hand. His belly cramped and rumbled, making him moan her name loudly.

“That’s gonna be nasty”, he grunted to himself and ripped a massive wet fart, right into her face, followed by a relieved, high pitched groan from his throat. Just a few seconds later, Faye’s entire body succumbed to an orgasm, violently shaking as the heat filled her up inside. She moaned a muffled version of his name into his ass, clinging to his middle. Just the view got him so incredibly riled up, he couldn’t even make it to her pussy in time before his orgasm took over. He shed his seed all over his own belly, pelvis and his girlfriend’s chest, calling her name and tightly squeezing her hand while doing so.

#

“Hey, Big D?”

“Mmh?”

“Do you think I’m gross…?”

The young man lifted his head and gave her a surprised look. That was not the question he had expected.

“Why would I think you’re gross?”

Veyza bit her lip, narrowing her eyes. Her ears were bright red, like little strawberries.

“In case you forgot, I got aroused by your gas and had an orgasm to you farting on my face.”

“How could I possibly forget.”

His butthole still felt a little bit sore.

Dylas removed some hair from her face with his index finger and ran it down her cheek. The tender smile on his face was enough to make an iceberg melt, and the dwarf girl’s heart was certainly not an exception.

“I don’t think you’re gross. In case you forgot… It turned me on, too.”

He playfully pinched her cheek, causing her to erupt into a childlike giggle. She held his hand towards her face with a grateful smile.

“Dally… I think we were made for each other.”

“You know what? I think so too.”

Yes… she was the only one who had managed to make him feel this way all his life. He had met people from two different time periods. And Veyza… was the first who had managed to get through to him. She accepted and loved him in his entirety. The least he could do was do the same for her. The monster man placed several small kisses on her forehead, her nose, and finally, her mouth; then, he allowed a tiny belch to slip as a grand finale. Veyza burst into bright laughter.

“I’ll get you back for that!!”

“Oh yeah? You have to come and get me first!”

He was surprised by her powerful grip as she hugged him and dragged him down with her.

“Come cuddle, you big, dumb horse!”

“Make me, you puny, ugly dwarf!”

They shared a passionate, intense kiss, expressing nothing but unfiltered love for each other. It filled them with pure joy to know their partner accepted them exactly for who they were, and they could entirely be themselves around each other.