#not to play the victim but.. certainly feeling like the victim rn

[valwrote]

stressed!alhaitham who is in a stinky mood ever since nahida gave him the job of acting grand sage. ft. fem!reader aka the bootiful bean reading this.

mentions of alhaitham's granny (rip)

I chose my next victim of choice to be alhaitham regarding my impulsive ideas since I can't write a full blow fic rn. I hope there are still people who like this guy.

right??

"Uh oh, it is going to rain." one of the vendors muttered.

"Certaintly is. We better pack up. What idiot would want to stay in the cold rain?" Another muttered as everyone started to hurry and pack up.

Soon the pitter patter drowned out the rest of the noises.

The sky was cloudy with a hue of blueish gray bringing a solemn atmosphere with it. The gloomyness engulfed the city of Sumeru. Alhaitham sat alone on a bench, hunched up. Guess he was the idiot to sit in the rain.

He could hear people whispering, muttering to themselves at the sight of him as they walked by, holding their umbrellas. Some running towards shelter. Alhaitham paid no mind to them, he was busy with his problems.

He never imagined that he would go from having a simple job of the Scribe of the Akademiya who could relax and reject applications left and right to becoming the Acting Grand Sage.

On paper the title does seem like an important position but nobody told the reality of the job and the tsunami of paperwork that came with it. Being hunched up in an office chair and burying your face in a mountain of petty queries and complaints was enough to drive a person crazy.

"Acting Grand Sage...what a joke." He bitterly chuckled as the rain dampened his clothes more and more. All he wanted was to save his 9 to 5 job and the people of his country. He didn't expect to be appointed as the administrator of an entire nation.

He recalled Nahida trying to persuade him into agreeing to the post.

"No pressure or anything!" Nahida told the taller male. "I don't wish to force you. I just thought that you are so smart, capable and reliab-"

"Okay."

"Huh?" Nahida stared at him blankly. She thought that it would take a lot more buttering to get Alhaitham to agree. She didn't think it would be this easy.

"If it is what the Archon wants, I'll do it." He bowed out of respect. Nahida marveled at his gesture before smiling.

"Thank you."

Yet this job made him almost, almost, pity Azar.

Well in the heat of the moment, he said yes. Alhaitham was a rational thinker, yet this was probably the one rational decision he was regretting at the moment, amidst the cold rain. Some trivial matter always came breaking down his door.

Should he just run away? No, he couldn't bear to run away from his home. Perhaps a vacation? No, nobody was competent in his eyes to take his place. Moreover if he leaves, who will collect Kaveh's due rent? Even worse if Kaveh burns down his house in his absence! Maybe a change of pace would be nice. A small window of escape from his life of humbug.

Such worries clouded his thoughts which he snapped out of after someone touched his shoulder. "I am sorry, I don't mean to pry but are you okay? Why are you sitting in this rain?" You asked him.

"No reason." He replied curtly.

"Oh okay." You didn't feel like pushing him forward to tell you more. Most people ignored him and walked past him but for some reason you chose to stay, much to his dismay. You stood their for a brief minute before turning around to walk away only to get cut off by a sound.

Grumble

That caught your attention as you turned around to see Alhaitham averted his gaze with the tips of his ears turning red from embarrassment. He wasn't a man with much words but his stomach certainly didn't stay quiet.

"Are you hungry?" "...yes."

Alhaitham wasn't the one to play pretend. He simply succumbed to his hunger. You walked back towards him and take a seat beside him. He didn't seem to object your actions and stared at you as your fingers unwrapped a packet containing pita pockets.

"Let's share! Nothing better than some pipin' hot food to lighten one's mood!" You smiled and offered him some. He could feel the warm gush of air from the steaming food hitting him the face.

They smelled nice. How long has it been since he sat down and ate a hot meal? When was the last time he cooked for himself. As a child, his grandma would always take care of him, listen to his problems and make sure he would eat his fill. His grandma's cooking was a distant memory for him. He couldn't help but feel a bit grateful.

Yet he still managed to burn his tongue. "Slow down! You don't want to singe your tongue now, do you?" You warned him as he hissed at the burning sensation. However that didn't stop him from continuing to eat. He was hungry, alright.

You both silently sat under the comfort of one umbrella. "So, bad day?" You started. "Yes." "Hm, everyone has one of those. It is okay."

He remained quiet, while chewing. He didn't talk much for someone who was a linguistic scholar. How ironical. For Alhaitham, this food tasted warm, it tasted like home. It was made with love, care and time, unlike those stale delicacies you get around cafeterias.

"Thank you. That was- nice." He trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"He really devoured 3/4th of it." You gaped at the box. "Have you not eaten at all?" You raised the question.

"Well, I see no reason to not share with you just a little bit..." he murmured to himself.

"No, with the amount of work- I haven't been focusing much on food." Alhaitham settled on that answer. Neither giving too much away nor upsetting the stranger infront of him.

"Well then how about I cook for you? I work at the Pushpa Cafe. You can drop by anytime for a meal." You suggested as he raised his brows.

"And make my wallet empty in less than a week? I'll pass." He sarcastically remarked. Definitely a tough nut to crack.

"No! I don't care about money. I care about feeding people. What makes a chef is passion to cook and serve others, not a capitalist mindset." You huffed in annoyance. He seemed skeptical at your statement earning a sigh from you.

"Taking help isn't bad. You gotta lean onto people sometimes! It's completely okay and normal, y'know?" You continued, trying to get him to believe you and how you were being genuine.

That sent him into deep thought. After a few minutes he spoke up, "very well. I'll take up your offer. Better than eating my roommates "food" which might poison me." He concluded as you chuckled at how nonchalant he was.

"Alright! I'll see you later or whenever you choose to drop by!" You chime and hand him the rest of the pita pockets. "Eat well. Oh! And have this" you held out the umbrella for him to take.

"But what about you?" He asked with slight worry.

"Oh my house is just down the road, if I run fast enough, I'll be fine!" You reassured him and ran away, covering yourself with your arms.

He watched you run away, the warmth of the pita pocket on his palms. Who knew a stranger with an umbrella could make the remaining part of his day just a bit better? Alhaitham couldn't help but smile a little.

People enter someone's life for one reason or the other. Alhaitham wanted to run away. No, he just wanted a vacation. Perhaps he just needed a change of pace.

This was his change of pace.

a/n : oh my god- this is probably worse than the first draft I wrote because I accidentally deleted it- ughh. But it is okay 😤

alhaitham just needs a break lmao

©definitelysel

[platinum-iridium]

oliviet was so good and compassionate even when she would get stern. the guy they got later on the other hand, yuck. he was such a misogynist prick and would always come down hard on women. watching season 8 rn and he’s found way to call female perps and victims hyper sexual bitches every single time like in this last episode he said he want to kill the slut? country believe he wasn’t fired for that like where’s the professionalism. how are you going to help a class of people you so obviously hate! for all the blandness of current l&o im glad they pulled back on the overt misogyny and disrespect. even if olivia’s sessions are played out at least no one’s calling her all types and bitches and whores

i always loved when olivet challenged the detectives and the time she went against the DA in court. what ep are you referring to? i don't remember skoda enough lol.

law nad order has certainly changed with the times. makes watching the old shit all the more jarring. but it also makes the old stuff more interesting because it feels like a time capsule of social consciousness at the time

[written-in-ash]

The Rapture in the Dark Puts Me at Ease

TW: murder, (one) dead body, dark themes

Inmemoratus Mortem. An untold death.

The spell is entirely untraceable; Harry and Draco made sure of that. No light is emitted, no color is shown, no sound is expelled. No physical or magical brands mar the victim’s body.

It relies heavily on intent. Fueled by desire, strengthened by hatred, and compelled by malice.

There is so much to want. So much to despise. And so many that don’t deserve the life they were given.

After the first unsuccessful Inmemoratus Mortem attempt, Harry’s holly wand refuses to work for him. You’re different now, Draco had said in the basement of Grimmauld one night, face half illuminated by the flickering light of a candle. This was always who you were meant to be, love. This is who you have become.

And so holly is traded for elder, and the phoenix feather is displaced by Thestral hair. Dominating all three Deathly Hallows, he is Death now. He certainly has to play the part.

Harry feels his lips tug upward at the unmistakable thrill of Dark magic that runs rampant through his veins and erupts from his wand.

While there is no magical evidence that the spell was ever cast, the unsuspecting Muggle criminal lay motionless on the table, beady eyes unmoving.

As the last trembles of life fade from the victim, Harry raises his gaze to Draco. A maniac glint is embedded in his molten silver eyes, sharpening his handsome pale features. His cheeks are flushed with success and anticipation.

Draco is a part of the Dark, and to Harry, the Dark is utterly and entirely home.

I’m honestly living for Dark Drarry rn. My thought process was ‘Let’s take Avada Kedavra and make it 1000 times cooler’. And I’d like to say I was successful.

Written for @drarrymicrofic prompt: ‘Bite’ (lyric: The rapture in the dark puts me at ease)

my previous microfics

[kkyujikoo]

These are my... 2...? Maybe 50, cents about the whole "freejk" thing. I'm gonna be extremely petty and at some points a whole lot sarcastic and it's gonna be long but I had to say it. As soon as I get my computer I'm gonna make it under read more, but the app does whatever it wants, as we know.

Listen, this ain't my first fan rodeo, and not even the first fan rodeo where I've been directly or indirectly accused of being some sort of pervert or delulu. I've been in fandom spaces since I was a teen, I was shipping mlm couples when queerbaiting in TV shows was still something that was seen as the norm rather than some cheap disgusting trick. I was there when fanfic spaces saw "slash" fics as something "different" and to be tagged with a more mature rating even when they just looked at each other.

I was in BBC's Sherlock's fandom and I shipped Johnlock during the hiatus between S3 and S4, at this point I'm not even feeling it when people call me delulu or a weirdo.

So, yeah, take this with a grain of salt: as a person who has seen thousands of times fandom drama unfolding and has lived too much of it... This whole situation is so ridiculous it makes me laugh. Like, yeah, it's maddening how people will blame anyone and everyone because they don't even see their own bias and homophobia, granted, but like... It also makes me laugh for the sheer dumbassery of the reasoning behind it all?

Like... Y'all are getting mad and for what? Because it sure as hell isn't the invasion of privacy, since y'all are watching the same content we're all watching and you're paying to see it the same way everyone else is. If you don't want to "invade their privacy", you should just... Stop watching content that isn't their music videos, RUN episodes or interviews. Memories and any kind of dvd/video that shows what they're doing behind the scenes shouldn't be part of their job as musicians, and therefore we're intruding in their privacy... Or aren't we?

Or maybe it's more nuanced than that: maybe the content they release on dvd/on their official channels is part of their job as entertainers, and it's been approved, and it's a small window THEY are granting us.

You know what's the REAL invasion of privacy and what REALLY invalidates someone autonomy? When you, who maybe aren't even paying to see that content (which is something I understand, like, dude, I'm not covered in money either), DEMAND what kind of behind the scenes content you want when I swear ABSOLUTELY NO ONE has asked you. Once again: you don't like it? You think it's some huge invasion of privacy? Don't buy it. Don't interact with it. Convince your friends to do the same. For all I care, just go and petition to boycott this kind of content. I know you won't do it, because... That's the thing, isn't it? It's not the invasion of privacy that bothers these people.

Y'all aren't mad because we get into their business or else you would have gotten real mad when we were privy to REAL private moments like people crying their hearts out.

No, no. Y'all are mad because it's "shipping content" and "fanservice" which apparently bothers you because it lacks authenticity.

Pick a side, lovelies: either you DON'T want to invade their privacy, and thus all the content they release should be focused on what fans want to see, or you WANT to know how they interact TRULY in private.

And here's the catch: "shipping content" can be anything. Shipping existed WAAAAAYYY before the word for it was invented, same way with fanfictions. Shipping means, literally, "seeing two (or more) people interact and thinking they would make a good romantic pair". That's it. That's quite literally it. Everything else is just some nuance of the concept of shipping, but at its core, it's nearly impossible to ban all shipping content when it's a group of seven people, because they should for real go in social distancing mode to do so. Most people who have parasocial relationships tend to have "ships" whether they know it or not, because we've all, at least once, looked at a dynamic from the outside and thought "oh man they look cute together". So, even if, o dear ones, your wishes were granted... What the hell do you mean by "shipping" content? Should they just film solo clips, avoiding talking about the other members? But wouldn't that be fanservice, since it's focused on pleasing the fans? (Which, ultimately, is what fanservice MEANS, and I hate to break it to y'all but the whole concept behind entertainment and thus all the content BTS releases it's... For the fans. Like, they're not going out of their way to just meet our expectations but they're certainly doing fanservice by the mere act of releasing bonus content.)

But it's not even quite that, is it? Because no one bats an eye if it's Tae kissing Nj's cheek. I've seen no hashtag against everyone - and I mean literally every one of them - wolf whistling at Nj. It's okay to show intimacy... Because they're bandmates and it's okay to be close to someone who you see basically 24/7, I hear you. And it's also okay when people see that and gush over that closeness, because it's such a nice thing to see.

Soooooo... We've got to free JK from whom exactly? From what?

Are y'all mad cause people pointed out there's very little way a bruise that stayed for a whole ass night could be a quick bite? Because that doesn't harm jk, at most makes fun of him and jimin and their poor excuses (seriously, guys, next time consider using mosquitoes or "I was doing stuff". It'll be equally embarrassing but at least the meme will be funny), and it's literally... A fair observation. Like. It's a hickey, people are gonna make jokes about seeing a hickey and poor excuses of covering it up in the exact same way they're gonna make jokes over jimin falling out of chairs. And yeah, a hickey is AT LEAST something that happens in a sensual context. Like, I could understand "people who are extremely familiar with each other will have different body language/touch in areas where usually you wouldn't see friends touching each other", but that's not. Not a hand on the thigh. It's a hickey on the neck. I don't even know a more stereotypical placing for a hickey. But once again, are y'all mad because someone is pointing it out? Because that's not being delulu or even being a shipper, really, it's just commenting on something that was approved to be shown and discussed in something that was released BY THEM.

Are y'all mad at hybe for showing something that literally fell onto their hands? Cause like, unless someone (I'm counting on Jimin, since as we know Jungkook was busy spinning him round and round and had both his hands busy) called at hybe headquarters to say "yo bang pd substitute, is it okay if I give my friend jk here a hickey? Cause he's being really annoying rn and he has to pay", I highly doubt anyone expected Jungkook to come to rehearsal all neatly marked up. Or idk, maybe someone at hybe asked them "we need Jungkook to come in with a hickey but refuse to say it's a hickey, so that fans will feel reeeeally served." That sounds perfectly plausible too. Or a good marketing strategy.

Now, if you're a big company and your objective is to have some footage of the rehearsals for a concert, and the fandom is too good at noticing stuff for their own good, and one of your artists comes in with a very visible mark, and he and his bff bropal4lyfe come n with a story about how they were playing and a bite happened, you've got three choices: 1. Cut the artist out of aaaaalll the footage. Someone would have noticed the "bite mark" anyway, you best believe that. If you don't want anyone to notice it, you gotta cut him in most of the footage where it's visible. 2. Keep the hickey, discard the explanations. You could do that, but also it would feel a lot more unfaithful to everyone involved. Also they clearly worked their ass off to invent an explanation, come on! They truly tried to do their best inventing something that was not "it's a mosquito bite", they should get some credit! 3. Keep the bite, keep the explanation.

Notice how none of these solutions include the biting never happening because... They couldn't prevent it? The only thing they have any control over is how they're framing each "accident". And that's not an easy job.

I applaud you, people on the editing team.

So... On whom should we cast the blame now? Ah, yes, I think it's finally time for the ultimate scapegoat of this fandom: Jimin. Which is funny, cause... You know... If this were really about privacy, or being "victims" of shipping... This should be about freeing him too, you know? But obviously Jimin does it for attention, while Jungkook, poor angel that he is, doesn't even know what shipping is.

Furthermore, don't we all know how much Jimin imposes himself in Jungkook's life? To the point where he, multimillionaire man feels compelled to share a car with Jimin even if they're both late in the process. And can't you see how uncomfortable he is, draping himself over Jimin, making Jimin drap himself over him?

Oh lordy, truly such an awful eight years Jungkook spent, choosing to have vacations with someone who made him uncomfortable, spending free time with him, even having to suck his ear in public to the point you can see his saliva just because Jimin was sad :( truly an all-around bad time for Jungkook, as evidenced by alllll those times when he said Jimin was pretty, cute, and all-around knowing every little thing about Jimin. I absolutely concur, the dude would be so much more happy if jimin was not in his life.

Did that sound weird and absolutely ridiculous and a really absurd joke? Because that's what y'all sound like to me. Like. Jungkook is out there living his best life, getting hickeys and showered in affection and y'all paint him as a fucking martyr??? I'm sure he's really truly desperate that Jimin holds him in such high regards 😭😭😭 I can see him suffering whenever he starts doing his own serendipity rendition 😭😭 and when he claimed you are me, I am you as his and Jimin's only 😭😭😭 I cannot believe this poor baby 😭😭😭

I've reached a point where every time I hear this stuff I laugh because the levels of twisting reality when it comes to jikook are extraordinary, Jungkook will have a literally blissed out face and people will cry in outrage.

But coming back to my point: let's pretend you're not mad at Jimin and the possibility that jikook are dating: are y'all mad... At the hickey? Because at this point it seems like the only feasible solution. And if you are, do not worry: I'm sure Jungkook's skin was throughly healed by his boo. A kiss soothes even the worst pain, doesn't it?

[bvccy]

Hey. I love the entire gemstone vibe. I was wondering if I could get Ceraunia with soulmate bucky or smth. I'm super hopeless rn and reading that prompt made me feel better.

You're amazing

Of course, nonny 💗

This came out, unsurprisingly, angsty, but it has an optimistic ending as all stories should. I played a bit fast and loose with the MCU plot but that doesn’t matter. Also, I've never written a soulmate AU before, but hopefully it is ok and that you can enjoy it.

I hope you feel better and that things start looking up soon, my dear 🌺

— PAIRING: soulmate!Bucky Barnes x female!Reader — PROMPT: Ceraunia - looking at the stars together, and apart — LINKS: Masterlist • love stones prompt list — WORDCOUNT: 1.8k

She first saw him in a museum. Passing by with her class along all the exhibits, the sliver of his photo at the corner of her eye caused her to turn, and intimately recognise him somehow: as if she'd just remembered something she never knew before. The funny feeling that flowed through her didn't seem like much, at first, but then she went to bed that night and couldn't sleep. Couldn't think of anything but him, that picture of him, the few lines about his life... She gave up at around 4:30 and got out of bed to find him in a history book, trying to read between the lines the reason that he troubled her. Under the small night light he seemed almost alive, though frozen.

Her next few weeks were spent reading everything she could about him, about this Sergeant James B. Barnes: born March 10th 1917, fallen in the line of duty 1945, war hero, lauded, handsome, and dead. She found some videos online too, in old documentaries, and could see bits of him in moving flesh in those small captured moments. And the more she read about him, the closer he became, until she could admit it to herself that he was a soul she had known all along, just like she knew his thoughts, his feelings, and every grainy movement seemed like it could not be made another way, like it was all predictable, like she would do the same. She knew what he would think of things, what his opinions would be, what he would like and love and hate, and fear.

And when it became clear that this was more than just a passing fancy, she felt a wave of sadness for herself, soon tempered with a cold acceptance — she was one of those people whose soulmates died before they met. Oh well.

Years came, years gone, and she went through the struggle with herself of whether she should try to make a life with someone else. It didn't have to be perfect, it didn't have to make her happy, she would just not be alone... But no. She couldn't stand the thought of someone else, let alone pretend to love them. All her love was saved for him, that long forgotten soldier in the history book.

Once she was a woman, grown, she came back to that exhibit — they'd made it better now. Her free afternoons were spent looking at him, sitting at the backless bench and thinking, dreaming, whispering when nobody was close, smiling if she noticed some line on his face she'd never seen before, or the way the low light hit the surface, trying to discern if there was some reflection in his eye, some hint of that one captured moment of the few that she could share with him. And Sundays were spent at the Church, lighting a candle for the dead.

Bucky certainly didn't expect to find someone already there — a small crowd, yes, some school kids passing by, but once they left she was still there. He wanted some privacy with that exhibit, to try and figure out the truth of who he really was, and she was in the way. He sighed and turned, and left the way he came. Tomorrow...

Tomorrow, she was there again. He paced around, keeping his distance, feeling something odd about her the longer he spent looking — was she one of his collateral victims? Had he hurt her in the past? What was she looking for? This time, he stayed until she left and watched her, and as she passed him by, she turned, as if she felt his gaze on her.

The next day, he came in the morning. He saw himself up on that panel, read memories he didn't know he had, and as Bucky was just piecing it together he felt her, from the periphery of his mind, approach. He turned and sure enough, that girl was there, looking at him like he took her breath away and gave it back — and frankly, he felt something of the same.

"Am... am I..." he stuttered, coughed, then caught himself. "Am I in your seat?"

"N-no, you just... look really familiar."

He swallowed hollowly but waited, lost in looking at her as if he'd never really seen someone before.

"Have we met?" she asked, stepping slightly closer.

"No," said Bucky, jaw then snapping shut.

"We have."

He sighed and got up, ready to slip by her and never see her again, but then...

"Would you like to have a coffee, doll?"

She smiled brightly and accepted.

They went to the café that was right by the museum, and she ordered some fancy little caramel thing with a foamy cat on top.

"What'll they come up with next," he chuckled.

"Do you like cats?" the girl asked, looking at him as he tried to avoid her eyes.

"I guess I do," shrugged Bucky, eyes finally landing on hers.

"What was your name, again?"

He froze up, not daring to admit it.

"I'll tell you mine."

"I don't need it," he muttered, then regretted it and looked back down.

She told him anyway.

And finally, he said, "I'm James."

"I know."

His grey eyes, pleading, vulnerable, looked into hers, feeling as confused as she was and lost in all the world, except just now, in her comforting proximity.

"I don't know how, but..."

"It shouldn't be possible," he nodded. "There must be some mistake." The girl sighed — she was thinking, he could even guess of what — but eventually he asked her, "Why do you come here every day?"

Bucky didn't expect the answer, but with a strange calm she shrugged and said, "I think I'm in love with the soldier in the picture."

"He's dead."

"I know. I think he was my soul mate."

"That would be unfortunate."

She bit her lip, not in a teasing way but pained, regretful, as she looked at him and whispered, "It doesn't have to be."

Bucky walked her home, and she got him to admit it — admit he felt the same, that he knew her without having met her, that she brought light into the room, and air, and quiet in his life when she was near — and though he left her with no promises, he reasoned to himself that night that, maybe, it was better that they met. She seemed so lost, so lonely. And what a life was that: alone, soul mate dead or gone or absent, when she could be safe with him?

They didn't have to speak to each other to know when to meet next.

The girl helped him learn about himself, she was an expert after all. Every fragment of his past, she knew it or knew where to find it, and though she offered to leave him alone to read or watch or listen to recordings, he wouldn't let her part from him. There was no point anyway: they felt the same about it.

She comforted him, without being asked to, and without overstepping his limits. A gentle touch, a hum, a whisper, when he needed it the most, and for his part Bucky would give her that piece of her she had long missed, the recognition that it wasn't all in vain, that every suffering had had a purpose, and it was met now, through them.

He was still in hiding, and he didn't need to tell her, but she guessed. Still, they found so many ways to spend time together as lovers would: dinners, parks, sometimes a movie, as he pieced his life together.

It took a month for him to kiss her, and she didn't mind at all, but the sad and desperate hunger they both felt would still come through, with a gentling grip grown tighter and at-first soft lips pressed hard. They moaned together at the perfect touch, then laughed like children, amazed at the splendid feeling and how pure and full it felt.

Bucky liked to walk her home at night, though the streets felt far less wholesome than the ones he knew before. But they could look up at the sky together, she could rest her head against him, he could wrap his coat around her and protect her from the chill, and in quiet but together they would look up at the stars, pick their favourites, plan their future, hold each other's hand or kiss, under the black dome of night.

But then, it all fell apart around him. Intrigue followed Bucky like a scorching sunrise and the Soldier was his shadow.

"What do you mean 'you have to go away'?"

"It's not gonna be safe to be around me."

"But you can't just leave..."

He thought of all the ways to tell her, but none felt true enough, and lies — like the ones he told himself, how she would be happier with him — felt too dirty now for her.

"I couldn't stand if it you got hurt because of me."

"I don't care."

"Sweetheart..."

"I don't care," she said coldly, standing tall in front of him, and he couldn't even contradict her because he knew he felt the same: he would die for her or by her hand or with her, and he'd do it with a smile.

"I wish I could do better for you," said Bucky, one hand gripping hers, the other resting lightly on her cheek. "I wish you didn't feel this way."

"I don't," the girl hissed at him, showing all the fury that he felt. "Make me miserable, unhappy, just so long as it's with you. But please, don't —"

He cut her off with one long, soft kiss, breathing in and out of her, feeling her through his whole body, but as soon as their lips parted:

"— don't leave me."

One week later, he was a whole world away. Things changed, then settled, then they changed again, but no matter what he went through, his sweet brave girl was there, at the edges of his vision, at the centre of his heart, and with every act he wondered what she would have thought of it.

Bucky didn't plan to go back, he was ready to give up any goodness left for him, anything she would have given, just to know her safe from him. But then, each night, he always wondered what another life would be like... and how they could make it work.

Then he caught himself looking at the sky again, counting stars and picking favourites, all alone on a park bench. And he knew — without feeling, without thinking, he just knew — that far away and every night, those were the same stars she gazed at, with those same dear eyes he could remember, and her thoughts went up to them. And maybe they met in the middle, in a corner of the sky, and however sad he left her, he knew his girl would hope — stubborn, angry, loyal to a fault, like him — and if he could make it happen, he would try to come back soon.

[whaleofatjme1920]

I dated a Leo man, and he was horrible. Be always started fights. Acted like a child and could never Apologize, after we broke up he really hurt me and after a few months past he came back and after I confronted him about all the shitty things he did and he begrudgingly gave me an Apology and then made me apologize for "making him sad"

I witnessed someone else date a Leo man and they had a fight, and her man, changed his Instagram completely, removed his pfp, changed his to bio to "I'm sorry I'm not good enough " removed all of his pics and stories. And changed his user name to "sorryimnotgoodenough.exe". Posted a ask box to story saying, "I'm going through it rn pls cheer me up"

The fight him and his girl had was over where they were gonna go for their next date and he did all that

She also was horrible but not to that extent, she's a cancer who was actually horrible, she always played victim and lied to people about others and made everything about her whole making them look bad, she was addicted to drugs and vaping. And she was the most self centered person I have ever met. She also believed that she was a princess in her past life and only became a witch bc it was trendy on tik tok, and she charged people 20 dollars and up for tarot readings, even tho she only practiced reading cards for like 2 months.

She also thought she was goth bc it was tendy on tik to, and she had BITCH FITS so big when you'd call her out bc she didn't follow the music or the scene. She also hated e girls so much even tho she was one

That sounds absolutely crazy tbh. I've actually never met a Leo man, but plenty of Leo enbys and women. They've all been super pleasant, and I'd actually hesitate to say I dislike any sign. Hm, maybe Pisces? I don't have the *best* feelings towards Pisces. Tauruses (despite,,, tw of my best friends being,,, Tauruses,,,,,) or Geminis suns. But, for the rest, it's mostly good!

The second part of your post really is off the wall tbh. That's,,,,,, that's certainly something! There's honestly only a certain amount astrology actually plays into someone's character but I refuse to believe all cancers are like this. She just sounds straight awful. For the tarot thing, i find most of witchtok is like that. A lot of people mix up the witch aesthetic and the actual practice, never do any research, and mingle in practices they shouldn't be involved with which is DANGEROUS. On the whole "past life" thing, I find waaay too many people make their past lives too wattpad MC energy. "i was a death high priestess for Nepthys!!" no you weren't, not all 17K of you.

I do agree with her on not liking e girls. I do not like e girls. I will elaborate if needed but generally, i do not like e girls. But the hypocrisy doesn't vibe!!

[seijorhi]

asks :))

what i have learned today is that y’all wanna get fucked by some monsters...

What does nostos mean? What language is it in? 🤔 also I of course loved it, mind blown as usual queen

it’s ancient greek! it means homecoming, the idea of a triumphant return home for the hero after a long journey. i found it through looking at the root of nostalgia. in this fic of course it’s kind of a grim tongue in cheek play on it. the reader’s coming back to the mountains, but she’s running away after a bad breakup, and the welcome she gets is... shall we say less than ideal haha

Just read nostos-

First of all as a person who reads monster shit- hell ya. Mhm. That’s some good shit right there. That was DELICIOUS horror. It actually had me a bit nervous and afraid to read what was gonna happen next 😳

Secondly- omg I wanna know what happened next (at the end) 👀 know what I mean??? 😼

ANYWAY AS ALWAYS you never disappoint and your writing is fantastic (if/when you write horror yandere stuff again I’ll be there- frothing at the mouth. A+++++ work ILY💖)

you want me to write the monster porn, just say it bby ghfjdkshgfjkd but ty

Omfg that fic was so good!

Did the readers mom know about monster kuroo?? Or was she just worried because of the previous murder? And did Kuroo somehow manipulate reader into coming back to the forest or was it just a big coincidence? (👁👄👁 there's no such thing as a coincidence)

Looking forward to your future work <3

ty nonnie!! i didn’t have the right space for it, but after kohsuke was ripped apart and eaten kuroo stayed by the reader’s side until late in the night, only disappearing when he heard the reader’s parents/search party approaching. they found her lying in pools of blood (and scattered half eaten body parts), shaking and unresponsive – they knew no animal could’ve done something like that. so they knew something lurked in those woods, but considering the reader had repressed the memories, her mom couldn’t just come out and say it <33

You are an AMAZING horror writer!!!

The uneasiness I got from the conversations with the mom is just *chefs kiss*

A+++++

ahh thank you!! horror is such a hard genre to write because i’m never sure if the suspense and everything’s gonna hit right haha

I read Nostos before going to sleep last night and at the time I was like “sure hope this doesn’t give me nightmares” and thankfully it didn’t lol. But I think I’m willing to take that chance again because it’s so GOOD and I think I’m just going to have to relive it – @ohno-otome

fhdjgbfhjkdfn i’m glad it didn’t give you nightmares bby!! but i also appreciate that haha, i’m an absolute wimp with scary movies and stuff but i just can’t stop watching them haha

I just wanna say that I was listening to "You're a psychotic villain playlist" on youtube while reading Kuroo's oneshot and I can't explain the emotions I felt, but I'd let Kuroo do things to me asdfghjkl – @itishebihime-samaforyou

ooh nice! sometimes the right playlist makes things doubly as fun haha

OH MY GOD!?!?! Nostos was soooo GOOD?!?!? Like it was so creepy (but in a good way), and scary and suspenseful!! And the ending!?!? Omggg honestly one my fav fics from you!! You did my mans Kuroo justice 🥺💖💕

TYYYYYYY i was genuinely concerned i was gonna scare everybody off haha

Ah! The new fic! Chiefs kiss! Magnificent! Bravo!🧚‍♀️✨🧞‍♀️🦖🦭🌹💫

tysm nonnie!!! <33

i’m pretty sure i’m in the same/similar timezone as you? and i do be staying up late to be one of the first to read your fics (i usually stay up late anyways). so imagine my surprise when i see you post in the afternoon. in conclusion, whether you post to align with your european and american readers’ timezone, my gmt+10 arse will still be one of the first to read your fics. also nostos sjdufigyyjf i have to admit, i recently just found out about monster fucking and nostos scratched the itch😫 i feel bad for kohsuke though

bby i always post at like 2-4 in the morning please get some sleep!! the fics will be there in the morning lmao. i kinda low key forget about my aussie/gmt+10 followers because i think there’s like... 3 of you haha

Honestly if i could give u a dollar everytime i got off to your fics, you'd probably be rich by now

lmao the idea that people find my fics hot enough to get off to still blows my mind lol

your newest kuroo fic was so SO good!! its totally okay if you dont want to answer this so you can keep things ambiguous but is monster kuroo planning on killing the reader after he's...done with them

thank you, bby!! but no, monster kuroo isn’t gonna eat her – he’s had plenty of chances to do that if that’s what he wanted, but he has other plans for the poor reader

RHI, I WANT TO STATE FOR THE RECORD THAT I AM OKAY WITH MORE MONSTER FUCKING IN THE FUTURE. i also want to say im not a monster fucker, but that just feels like a lie at this point. okay, now that that's off my chest, i love it. the mystery, the connections of kuroo to a cat. kuroo's probably gonna go and batter around his prey once they're under his grip like my cat does. hopefully the reader will come out somewhat unscathed, if they are ever allowed to leave 😌 love this, love how different it is, the way kuroo just tries to weasel in. very monster and yandere vibes, very you. have i said i love this yet?? id willingly let him get me drunk on his cock, maybe never leave the peace of the mountains again

‘i want to say that i’m not a monster fucker’ bby the denial will get you nowhere haha. just lean in and embrace it hgfjkdlkfgjnkdl ahh but thank you this is such a sweet ask ILY!!!

Omg omg the monster thing kuroo was in ur latest fic is so familiar to me abdhdmfnjfjf. I remember being told abt a monster with VERY SIMILAR characteristics to it (aka the not being able to go inside a house unless invited and using fire to lure ppl out) AND JFC IT TERRIFIED ME. Esp how when i told ppl around me and they didnt recognize what it was, but it was somehow known to the kid that told me abt it.

(Some ppl thought it was familiar but still didnt know what it was)

Do u know what im talking abt? Hopefully u do

-🥚

GHFJDK so the monster in this is kind of based off the nekomata spirit in japanese folklore - they can appear like people, torment victims by reanimating the corpses of their loved ones, they’ve been blamed for forest fires, so it was just fun to use that as a basis and then go buck wild haha. anyway thanks for the ask bby!

Rest In Peace Kohsuke, you would’ve loved Haikyuu season 5😔✊– @joyvstheworld

poor kohsuke deserved better, i’m just mean to the oc’s i throw into fics haha

Monsterfucking ❤❤❤❤❤❤ a little annoyed you're making me simp for yan Kuroo though (a vibe tho tbh). You're so extremely talented!!!! &

This is probably a stupid question, but how did Kageyama react when he couldn't find y/n? How is life with yan Suga? I imagine probably awful BUT yknow maybe the stockholm syndrome set in fast lmao. Sorry, I'm going on a binge reading your stuff. - @oracleofdin

i will not apologise for making you simp for kuroo he deserves it the man’s a snacc. and as far as your second question, suga’s a very caring, very smothering kinda yandere, so i guess in some ways it’s better than what the reader had with kageyama but... pick your poison haha

That was so good. I’m so shook rn I can’t comprehend anything but how good that was and how good a writer you are

TYSM NONNIE!!! <33

Ok, so, I just read Final Girl and the lil' ticket addition to it and just---

Well, ok I've been playing Dead by Daylight a lot lately? And I'm just picturing Tetsu as the newest killer "The Trickster" and I'm positively RANDY.

Your writing is ALREADY thirst inducing and just as satisfying, but this has SENT ME- If you're not familiar, please...

https://youtu.be/iowkiPobYYQ

Understand my thirst. (I'd also like to clarify, I use a different skin for him that gives him black hair and he looks like Kuroo with an undercut.)

~ @the-casual-hedonist 🌸

i love how feral y’all got for final girl kuroo. like bo and akaashi had his fans, but i put a spiked bat in kuroo’s hands and y’all lost your goddamn minds and i love to see it. fghdjkvhfjdkls thanks for the ask bby

idk why but I love preggo reader as long as I don't pretend it's me 😢✋ I hate babies n pregnancy anywhere else other than horny haikyuu fics

i think that’s a valid thing for a lot of fans. the idea of breeding is sexy, the actual getting pregnant and having a kid thing... not so much. but especially with non-con scenario’s, it’s more about the aspect on control than the actual desire to have kids. but yeah, i feel you

Sorry to bother but uh was just wondering in fracture did Osamu kill his wife or was it actually an “unfortunate event” ? Love your work btw!!

he most certainly did :))

LMFAO RHI i totally get not liking cheating/infidelity fics (towards reader) bc IT HIRTS ME SO BAD I CANNOT HANDLE THOSE.

id be reading fics those fics like: tf you mean my yandere aimt gonna baby me and only want me??🤨🤨🤨⁉️‼️

EXACTLY! listen i get that it’s a fucked up fantasy, but in my fucked up fantasy you damn well better have the decency to be loyal smh

Finders keepers is the most beautiful thing I've read by you: I read it twice like I normally do and here's what I figured out the second time (that's when I analyze it and find the little tidbits of things that are much darker than they appear (: )

To start I LOVE THE DETAILS OF THEM NEVER TEACHING READER ANYTHING- at first I assumed "oh they might see her as a little sister or child or something" but realized thAT WAS THE ISSUE!! they infantilize her and isolate her from everyone but her group. the small details like that are what make the story amazing 😎💅

ahh thank you so much, nonnie!! pls this is making me soft 🥺

I just wanted to stop by and say that I love your writing and I hope you're doing well!!! Drink plenty of water and keep up the amazing work :) but seriously you're one of the best fanfic writers I've seen on tumblr! I read your "Imitation" piece about kuroo and i keep coming back to it, it's so good! I did want to ask if you think it'd be possible for the reader to ever escape with the baby (or at least attempt to). Or if Kenma would "help" at all just to put an end to kuroo's antics lmao

kenma would in no way help the reader, and tbh by that point if kuroo did get her pregnant, she’d be far too emotionally dependant on him to actually even want to leave, but thanks for the ask!

You know who I think would be a perfect Yandere in the JJK world? Choso.

🚨Spoilers Ahead🚨

After being locked in a glass jar for however long he was, and all that happened with his brothers, I feel like he would absolutely never let his darling out of his sight. He would be possessive. Obsessive. And Oh So delusional. Sure he’d be your anything - he truly is a softy - but to what end?🤤

choso would make an excellent yandere, ngl 😌

what au/troupe of your fav character(s) that you have written do you like the most?

(rlly hope this makes sense🙏)

i am always a slut for soulmate au’s :))

[misterbitches]

i keep thinking about this and coming to more conclusions like both as an artist and me. 

we always think first about the aggressor and not the victim. so, for example, with history 4 and yong jie what will their relationship look like now given the trauma? if they have no interest in fleshing this dude out and having him just be an annoying clingy little ugly bitch then acknowledge that pain and how it will affect them. it’s so easy for xing si to get over being raped? what about xing si’s relationship with his mother? what about the fracturing this does to the family when there’s an intense violation that was aided and abetted by the mother?

that would be far more fascinating trying to figure out and they could still have them be together if they so desperately need it but they can’t ignore everything. that means the trauma will permeate through every part of your life. it’s hilarious that so many fans say the portrayals are realistic because they are not. these shows do not have the time and many of the writers or producers do not have the care or prowess—or will have to cut things to please the state—to execute this. they expedite the healing process but we are left reeling. 

in film school one of my teachers was always like, “what happens in the world when the film ends?” and this is something to ask. are we approaching it from: a man falls in love with his brother who raped him and the mother encouraged it and the shock and taboo of that or are we approaching it from a man is forced and trapped into a rship and stockholm syndrome and how that plays out. even if they stayed together even so it would give us more reason and understanding and then we see and know the foundation is built on nothing but darkness and may never recover. after this chapter ends  there may be destruction; it’s possible because that’s how it all started.

but after this story ends, in the way it is presented, what will happen? it’s not just entertainment and that doesn’t mean it’s as big of a deal as i think it is even as i write these things. these are just things to keep in mind and things i think the younger viewers absolutely need to see. for themselves like as creative people and enjoying the media they consume and seeing what works and what doesn’t especially when a work serves a purpose. nothing is made for no reason so don’t expect it to be. to me i’m like: why was this made and what could have been better? 

there is NO improvement which is why we run around in the same circles. the way to untangle that is being clear about the message and its faults. the audience can’t be clear about it if the show isn’t doing its job for a team of professional fucking writers trying to entice people by poorly approaching topics and leaving them empty handed. life is not as hollow as these things make it and yet we eat it up hook line and fucking sinker. 

time and time again we see what these things must establish and how far they can push themselves. it isn’t until the material world gets better that we see a turn in the media but time isn’t linear. sometimes things are worse in years, sometimes things are better. these tropes last because they are a direct reflection of life and the failures in society. so of course it’s about the perpetrator and how they can get their prize but not how we can manage these things when there is a clear victim and we pretend like it isnt there under some sense of potential reform. 1. people do not need to be reformed in a story and that isn’t what this needs 2. is that compelling? 3. yes morally grey things exist but this is not morally grey when it is a violation adn that person’s action was not morally grey. there was a victim and he neeeds to be away from that victim. if he is going to stay we need to see the affects of him being there as real things and there is nothing realistic about that. in no fucking world would someone like xing si a grown adult fucking man be able to temper things that quickly as in the show. NONE. that shit lasts forever but we are supposed to see them kiss and be liek “aw wow morally grey” like what about him is morally grey in relation to xing si? specifically. whihc is the personhe will be with forever.

no it’s how do we get ourselves to see him and engage with him. you can engage with him or be enraptured sure but that doesn’t mean anything and it doesn’t mean the writers are even doing anything with it! i’m glad eveyrone can garner there own idk ideas or get what they want out of a work but what about the victims? what about the relationships? what happens when the story ends? what are dinners like? cos their lives don’t stop when it’s not being recorded (as in these worlds we are shown are always going to exist so they continue on even without us seeing it. so the characters don’t have a stop point we just usually see their happy ending and many times with shitty relationships it’s like why are we here now?) at this point it’s comical and it’s boring. 

there’s a film i like with cameron diaz where she falls in love with someone who kidnapped her for a job. there’s no perosnal connection which really helps as well. he did it for a job, doesn’t know her, they fall in love. they get together at the end. that still affects her but it’s also way less psychological trauma then somoene stalking and grooming you and violating you and trapping you by direct action and constant manipulation. there’s no way to turn that around and it’s even worse when you try to with literally no other explanations. like who are these fucking characters and why should we even want them to continue to be here? yong jie could have even been a vehicle to help xing si like idk unpack everything in his brain in a helpful way even through his violation. they chose none of that lmao i could write a better fucking script and im a moron

why should we believe in their love? why should we believe in yong jie? why should we believe in any of these people when they don’t prove shit to us. they just exist. why is that interesting? why do we root for them? that’s certainly not something they even asked themselves cause they sure as shit don’t know. the writing here cannot make up its mind on its own morality and i think the idea of morally grey only works if you have a fucking idea of what you want to do not just throwing shit at a wall. and we feel something for these “morally grey” characters—frankly this term is also a mistake because it’s so much about good/bad and ignores history and peoples lives and what leads to events and it is a super WASP-y concept in its current iteration anyway with a belief that punity is justice when it is not. that is why i say get the fuck away from this dude instead of going to jail. we could see yong jie grow but FUCKING OUTSIDE OF XING SI.

aey from lovely writer is one where im like wow i feel so bad 4 u i think ur gonna like kill urself someone get this messy ass bitch some help. people hate this kid and they totally can! i feel bad for him! dont love him and maybe i wont even want the best for him but rn im like “omg i dont want u 2 die sir.”

i dont feel that way in many other shows. i feel fucking nothing for these men. not yong jie and not even the old guy from modc im just like ok you exist and i’m going to ignore you. there is nothing in my chest lmao. i look at them and feel cold, couldnt be drier, cos it’s stale and boring and trite and nothing new at all. it’s not realisitc and it’s not even entertaining. it’s just...there. 

i mean it’s there with the reminder of “oh man i am not interested in your love story also isn’t your boyfriend like 40 and you’re 17? why do you like each other again? does this kid have parents? Wait, what’s happening? uhhhh am i supposed to like this? where are his parents? what’s gonna happen when he turns 23 and realizes how fucked up that shit is? can we see that?” and before u know it the sex on screen is over so that was just unpleasant all around.

and i cannot give u a single reason for so many couples why they like each other. like literally what on earth is there for the two of these people to be attracted to. at least one is being swayed by power but what’s the other one doing? oh nothing he just sucks? ok got it.

if we don’t approach it from a “how do we get people to like a shitty person or a person who does things that harms others” it continues on like this. questioning questioning questioning the comfortableness and never thinking about what the fuck the victim can do, what the fuck is even going on in their heads. and if they can’t do that then we go back to the question: what is the purpose of it? if the answr is “just because” then you have a failure on your hands and a lot of annoyed people. sorry not sorry 

[gallavictorious]

hi!! i am currently watching s10 of shameless rn and i just finished 10x09. i’m still a little confused as to exactly WHY ian doesn’t wanna get married. Does he really not love mickey enough at this point? Can you give me your opinion? thanks xx

Hiya nonnie! Hope you're having a blast watching season 10! :)

I can certainly give you my opinion (and I was delighted to be asked for it!), but I should preface this by noting that it's a work in progress: Ian is a character that I really love but sometimes struggle to understand. Because of this I spend a lot of time thinking about him and his motivations, and my thoughts on those tend to develop and shift as I discuss them with others. This is not likely to be my final say on this issue, and it's not a fully formed or all-encompassing explanation either. Make of it what you will (and as always, feel free to chime in with your own ideas, because I'd love to hear them).

First things first: Ian's hesitation has nothing to do with his love for Mickey. “It's marriage that I don't know that I love,” he says, and I think he's being entirely honest here (which is supported by the fact that he continues to profess his love and try to work things out with Mickey even after the latter has accidentally broken his leg and run off with another guy). His reluctance is multi-layered, and I doubt that Ian himself is initially very clear on just why he hesitates. Lip's advice to figure that out before he does anything else is good, and Ian eventually does get his thoughts on the issue sorted out, even if he has some trouble communicating that to Mickey.

I've previously written a bit about what goes down with both Mickey and Ian in 10x08-10, and in that piece I focused on the fact that “Ian absolutely knows that Mickey will stand by him through thick and thin, and this scares him because what if he develops into someone that Mickey no longer can love but feels obligated to stay with anyway? Ian hates being helpless; Ian hates being a victim; Ian hates feeling indebted to people because that implies he can’t take care of himself, and I think that nothing terrifies him more than being a project, or being someone people stay with because they pity him or worry that he can’t take care of himself. The issue here, I think, is that he doesn’t trust Mickey to leave.”

I still think there's some truth to this, but returning to this question now – thanks to your lovely ask – I have two additional thoughts, which I believe play a large part as well:

Firstly, I'd say that Ian is very, very wary of making Mickey a promise that he's not completely sure he can keep. When Debbie tells him he might as well marry Mickey to make him happy since he can always get a divorce later on, Ian is initally ready to roll with this idea, but he's clearly not really feeling it, as illustrated by his wish for Lip to talk him out of the whole thing. I believe that this reluctance stems not from a general concern about the sanctity of marriage, but rather a very real fear of letting Mickey, specifically, down. In the past, and for a number of perfectly understandable reasons, Ian has walked away from Mickey. Whether it is entirely fair or not, I'd argue that several of these instances feel like broken promises, both to Ian and to Mickey, and Ian absolutely does not want to hurt Mickey like that again. As he later tells Mickey, he doesn't know who he is from day to day, so he can't promise Mickey shit. Better not to make any promises at all then, right?

Secondly, I think that Mickey's reluctance to actually talk about things is a real stumbling block. Ian has concerns and fears both about himself and about getting married, and those are things that he (very sensibly!) wants to discuss with Mickey before they get hitched. But Mickey won't have it – when Ian brings their future up in 10x03 Mickey shuts him down, and the same thing happens when Ian repeatedly (at the court house, and twice outside of Byron's) tries to discuss it after their first, botched attempt at a wedding.

I’ve participated in some recent and very interesting discussions about how both Ian and Mickey have been reluctant to face and properly talk about their tangled past and the hurt it's caused them, and how this reluctance plays a large part in how things play out between them in season 10. While I do agree with @whaticameherefor in that they must have had some meaningful conversations after their prison reunion, I do believe – not least because of what we saw in season 10 – that they have yet to fully discuss and make peace with what's gone before and the things they've done that's hurt the other. Ian, I think, is now willing and ready to talk, even though it's difficult for him, and – as @damngcoffee notes – Mickey makes some attempt at expressing his feelings when he asks for Ian to throw his parole, but it's still just scratching the surface, and they (well, mostly Mickey) still shy away from being candid about the really difficult and painful stuff.

This is unfortunate in general, but it's also directly tied to Ian's reservations about marriage. Bascially, he needs confirmation that Mickey truly understands what he's getting into, what with Ian's illness being a thing they can never escape. This is what Ian tries to articulate when he shows up with the promise rings, but he doesn't quite manage – partly because he's not actually very good at expressing himself (lack of practice, no doubt – but he's trying!) and partly because Mickey takes the mere suggestion that Ian isn't convinced of Mickey's  commitment as an insult and won't hear anything else. To Mickey, a man of action, his past deeds should make it plenty obvious that he is fully committed, and so Ian questioning that is a sign that Ian doesn't understand and appreciate all that Mickey's done and sacrifieced for him (whether Ian asked him to do it or not). To Mickey the whole situations likely reads like Ian trying to pin his own insecurities and lack of love on Mickey just to have an excuse to back out of getting married. This is not an accurate read at all, however: what Mickey doesn't understand is that Ian absolutely isn’t questioning Mickey's love or commitment: he just needs reassuarance that Mickey has really thought about this; has actually considered what Ian's illness means for their future and Ian's ability to make promises, and has come to the informed conclusion that sure, he does want this in spite of all that, in spite of the uncertainity of it all. Given Mickey's tendency to do rush in and do anything for the people he loves, and his unwillingness to talk about his feelings, it's not at all unreasonable for Ian to worry about this and want to have an actual discussion about it.

(I would also like to note that I really understand where Mickey is coming from here: given their past, there is little wonder that he's feeling insecure about Ian's feelings and reacts so strongly when Ian won't sign the papers. He misunderstands Ian, to be sure, but it's very easy to see why he would do that. I've also previously written a short meta on why Mickey's reluctance to talk about his feelings is perfectly understandable, which you can read here if you're so inclined.)

So, that's my opinion nonnie: Ian's hesitation regarding marriage has nothing to do with a lack of love for Mickey. :) Though he has to deal with his issues without actually getting to discuss them with Mickey - which is unfortunate, but let’s hope they start dealing with that once they’re back together - he finally understands enough to feel confident to propose to Mickey again.

Phew. Unsurprsingly this got pretty long: hopefully this was somewhat coherent. As mentioned, it's not in any way a comprehensive overview of the situation, but just touches upon a few aspects I think is particularly pertinent to it. Please feel free to contradict me or add your own further thoughts.

[serendipitybutterfly]

I got a couple of asks recently to do a reading on the BTS members as dads and I thought that would be a nice, cute thing to read on. I've used my Archetype cards for this so... Let's see what we get! 💜

Kim Namjoon- Guide, Healer, Pioneer, King

Namjoon as a dad is still a consummate leader, the king of his household... However he's no tyrant. His kids will greatly respect him because of how wise, kind and caring he is and because of all the things he taught them and values he instilled in them. He'll be the kind of man who thoroughly researches philosophies on good parenting and studies childhood psychology before the kids are even born. This doesn't mean that he'll stick to a certain script as a dad though... I see that he'll be willing to learn as he goes... To let his kids teach him too. As such he will build an extremely close bond with his children. They will always go to him for advice, even as adults, because to them he's the one that always has the answers, who always knows what's right. Sharing their worries with him and hearing his advice feels like a form of healing because he always seems to be able to soothe their pain with his words of wisdom. He'll teach them to be open minded and respect new ideas and at the same time introduce them to a lot of timeless wisdom and philosophies... For sure, Namjoon's kids are likely to be intellectuals purely through being raised by him!

Kim Seokjin- Trickster, Father, Rebel, Advocate

Lmao! Kim Seokjin as a dad will be pretty much how you'd imagine he'd be. He'll be cracking his dad jokes and finding it hilarious to pull goofy pranks and embarrass the hell out of his kids (especially when they're moody teenagers... They'll secretly love it though!). He'll also encourage them to speak their minds and stand up to authority when necessary and also often find them being a little cheeky quite funny. However, he's also likely to be quite a traditional fatherly figure in some ways and will command respect in his role as the head of the household... A very 'Dadlike' Dad basically... He will take being a solid rock and positive role model for his kids extremely seriously and will do his best to realistically prepare them for many aspects of life. I also see, like what came up in his future spouse reading, that charity work is likely to play a big role in their family (as his wife will also be very involved in it if you recall) and the importance of it is going to be greatly instilled in the kids.

Min Yoongi- Healer, Addict, Child: Nature, Alchemist

As a father, Yoongi will be very attentive to his children's health... I think particularly their mental health and wellbeing will be very important to him. He'll want to be someone they feel comfortable confiding in about things that trouble them. He'll try his best to be a soothing, healing influence in their lives. He is also going to be very against them engaging in what he perceives as self destructive or unhealthy behaviours... I'm seeing this coming through as him being extremely strict about things like alcohol and smoking when they're teenagers, and certainly about any kind of drug use or what he sees as unhealthy addictions, coping methods or obsessive behaviours. Despite being very open minded and quite easy going generally as a father (certainly very gentle and soft spoken) this will be something he's very strict about with his kids. He'll also be keen to push them to achieve their full potential no matter what field they're interested in by nurturing their talents. Strong bonds with pets, and simply loving animals in general, are likely to be strong features of life in his household... Ah! I just got the message that he may actually have a daughter who ends up being vegetarian! Ha!

Jung Hoseok- Storyteller, Prince, Mediator, Poet

I got an incredibly sweet and specific visual here that's melting my heart... As a dad, fairytales, fantasy and stories will play a big role for Hobi. I can definitely see him very specifically with daughters rather than sons (although, that may just be the particular relationship I see coming through right now) and all those cute father/daughter things... Storybooks of princes and princesses, role-playing tea parties... Pretty dresses and blowing bubbles... Dolls and flowers and fits of giggles... Beautiful words and expressions of love so often... As a daddy (yes 'Daddy' rather than 'father' or 'dad' is coming through in a cute little girlish way) he's going to be his daughters' first Prince charming... 😭 (I'm seriously so touched rn omg). It's so softtt!!! Moving away from this image that's making me too soft to function... I also see that when these kids start bickering and fighting each other, he'll be really good at diffusing the situation and making things calm again.... And just in general, I can see that he'll be a really sensitive and attentive dad who's always ready to indulge their flights of fancy... (OK... Excuse me while I let a little tear escape... 😭).

Park Jimin- Hedonist, Teacher, Knight, Monk / Nun

This was a really interesting message... For Jimin, I'm seeing that fatherhood will be almost a religious, worshipful experience... Something that seems sacred and graces his life with a new purpose or meaning. He will be almost singlemindedly devoted to his children and their wellbeing. This will manifest in different ways. First by him being extremely protective of them (perhaps even overly so at times). He'll be a 'celebrity dad' of course and people will be interested in his kids... But I highly doubt he'll willingly let media gain access to them. On the contrary, I think he'll try to guard them from the spotlight as much as possible. I also see that he will be extremely invested in their education, both in terms of pushing them to do well academically and also in teaching them the lessons he had wished he'd known at different stages of life. A part of that will be him teaching them how important it is to enjoy life, eat well, have fun and to love themselves no matter what. He will of course be the kind of parent who makes sure to say 'I love you' several times a day and will drill it into his kids that they're soooo beautiful and clever and talented and should be confident in themselves from day one.

Kim Taehyung- Detective, Father, Victim, Monk / Nun

Similar to Jimin, I think Fatherhood will have an intensely spiritual all consuming meaning for Tae. His children will bring a whole new sense of meaning and purpose to his life and it will just feel... Right. Like something he was always meant to do. He'll slide right into the role of a Father very well, to the point that it feels so natural it's almost intuitive. Like Seokjin, I think his model of fatherly behaviour will be very traditional (I suppose in a Korean cultural sense would be the best way to take this). He will be both very soft with his kids and at times also quite stern where he thinks it necessary for them to learn. As a father he will be extremely intuitive and observant; the kind of dad who doesn't miss a trick. He'll know if they're lying and he'll also know if something is bothering them and they try to hide it. He will teach his kids to be strong and kind. They'll be the kids who always stand up for the ones being bullied in the playground and never let themselves be pushed around either.

Jeon Jungkook- Mentor, Companion, Child Eternal, Trickster

To his future kids, Jungkook will present the delightful dichotomy of both wise mentor and eternal playmate. Similar to Namjoon, I think that he will actually prepare for fatherhood through studying and asking for advice... Maybe from some of the other guys who'll have had kids before him! Despite always being there to pass on advice and words of wisdom to his own children whenever they need it, he's not necessarily going to hold to stuffy traditions of how a dad should be. Rather, I see him being a father who's kind of like a friend. He'll have a playful relationship with his kids and staying physically active is a big thing when they're growing up. Being outdoors in the sun and rolling around in nature, playing rough and tumble types of games is how they'll bond and have fun together... As well as pulling silly pranks and making goofy jokes. He'll be the kind of dad they'll never worry about confiding in because he not only will know what to do about almost any problem, but he'll never get angry and punish them without a truly good reason. He'll listen and trust them to live their lives well because he'll trust that they've been raised with solid guidance and, above all, knows that they're good people... In the end, he'll have raised himself some new bestfriends.

I hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed doing this reading. It was incredibly cute and surprisingly touching too! Do let me know what you think and if you're interested in more readings like this. Peace and love be with you all! 🙏 💜

[tonyglowheart]

This entire thing is a rant, feel free to ignore it, but I saw your post about how destiel fans can’t win in this context, and yeah. So have some rambles.

I’ve been thinking about the fact we (current spn/destiel fans) can’t win all night... I’ve seen so many people talking about how homophobic it is - and while I would very much like to argue, as every point I’ve seen made by a non-spn fan has been wrong so far, if I did everyone inside the fandom would agree and everyone outside would either call me straight or pity me for believing it’s okay.

(Cas wasn’t even sent to hell lmao. He was sent to angel death (the empty), a place he has escaped in the past. Other points, like that meta about spn has been predicting exactly this for months, that Dean ended up sobbing on the floor because he was so upset, like that death means next to nothing on spn, like that there is two episodes left, etc etc. you feel me right? I just don’t want to post wank to other spn blogs atm, we’re getting enough frustration as it is, no need to add to it.

It’s also worth pointing out that the bar is very, very low. Spn is a prominent TV show - not a Netflix show, or indie, or whatever - and it just said “main character in gay love saved the world”. [insert gif of ghostfacers dude saying that gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day here]

I just saw someone saying that spn having Naomi try to brainwash Cas out of loving dean makes spn homophobic (it is a conversion therapy parallel). My first response to that is that Naomi was the villain lmao? I guess we can’t write villains doing anything homophobic because having villains do homophobic things makes, uh - checks notes - villains look homophobic, and clearly we can’t have that.

There certainly are legitimate things to criticise spn about, but this isn’t it lol.

Also now some people are unironically trying to cancel Jensen because “his acting was homophobic, and so he’s clearly homophobic”, nevermind that he’s an actor and his character struggles with understanding his emotions (which I think he played excellently, myself. That scene had a very Dean delayed emotional response), nevermind the support he’s given to us queers in the past. Like. Idek man.

We would have been laughed at if we got no destiel, too.

It would have been worse, had the writers pulled a dumbledore. At this point I also trust the writers not to pull a GoT - they have explicitly criticised that ending in spn’s canon.

Spn’s writers did that by making the main villain of this season, Chuck / God, say GoT had a good ending. To reiterate a previous point I had: villains do bad things because they’re bad. And the bad things they do make them bad. For the people out there not still following, if someone does something in a story and it makes them a villain, that is explicitly telling you the story (and probably the writers) thinks that thing is bad. In this case, Chuck likes to write things for him, and we the audience have been shown and told that is bad.

Apparently thinking a gay confession is good in 2020 makes me straight. Seems unlikely, but whatever. Sorry for the length, I guess I went overboard, I’ve been holding it in lol. Anyway, DESTIEL IS CANON 💚💙 hope you have a good night

Helloo supernatural anon I hope you are living your best life right now. Yeah I’m like..... skeptical and leery myself but having lived through some absolute garbage discourse that is general purity wank, as well as the C/QL greater fandom here and on Twitter I find myself... much more wanting to question the “general wisdom” of things esp in terms of negativity, bc a lot of the time I find.... it’s wrong? Like so wrong. Or at least presents such an incomplete picture of the whole situation and also presents it in such a removed context that words that have meaning and are operationalized in a certain way for a reason, no longer have meaningful usage.

Anyway I don’t... know too much about the specifics of Spn but someone I follow is into it and talks a lot about the Gnostic stuff and that all was very fascinating to me, and I also have been grappling a lot with cultural Christianity bc of cmedia and the way ppl just *clenches fist* unthinkingly or uncritically slap some Christian norms on it and call it a day 😩 help I’m Tired. My thing here being... I actually got tired of the uncritical “superhell”s at some pt bc I am, in fact, incredibly exhausted with cultural Christianity, and because it does seem like, even possibly(?) without the Gnostic stuff it’s different from a “hell” or other Protestant-derived afterlife concept, and also yeah that it wasn’t seeded out of nowhere, it was set up to happen, which then... lends credence to the idea that whatever the current era of Spn is doing, the current showrunners are doing it with purpose.

And idk I just... refuse to believe the concept that ALL of the fans of Spn - esp the ones who have been following it still, or got back into it and are following it currently, are acting under delusion or are fooling themselves into liking it or thinking it’s good or whatever. I personally find that kinda infantilizing and patronizing and playing into issues of dismissing things women and/or other marginalized identities like.

Plus I find the concept that (from what I think I’ve been seeing Spn fans say) that the current era of the show is quite actively grappling with itself, its past, its legacy. to be very interesting and compelling; it hearkens back to like an old lore kind of feeling, of a thing that has grown into a nigh undefeatable monster and realizing that, also realizing that the only way to defeat itself is through grappling with its own nature and transforming and transmuting itself into something else. I personally find that more plausible and compelling than “Supernatural has been actively and continuously queerbaiting for 15 homophobic homophobic years., so right now we’re all very sorry for you because this maybe is no longer queerbaiting but it’s still homophobic and it can never be anything different ever.” I’ve been sort of tangentially aware of Spn thru the years and didn’t we agree, around the time of that in-universe play about Spn and with the lil Destiel shoutout, that Spn has come a ways as far as coming to terms with its fandom and working to treat its fans better? Why the sudden regression into “oh no, Supernatural is and forever will be homophobic and a hate crime”? 🤔 

The rest under a cut bc the ask is already long and then my rambling will get longer-

But yeah I mean..... I get that the legacy of Supernatural has been certifiably Rough, but I think people also forget how different of a time 2005 was? Hell, how different of a time 2015 was, even, prior to, say, Obergefell v. Hodges. Now I’m not saying that to blanket-excuse Supernatural, but like, you look at mainstream shows from the era and... there’s a lot of shit lmao. The fact that Supernatural has existed this long seems to me like.... maybe we CAN look at how it’s developed through the years vs just insisting it is what it was 15, 10, hell, 5 years ago. Especially since, to my knowledge, there’s been showrunner changes? Which seems to me like it would... affect things? I mean honestly, I remember back when I got into Spn for a hot second because of Castiel, I remember watching panel, Q&A, etc vids thru the years, and like... I thought we agreed that... it was the fans who were going a bit far pushing the shipping question like literally ALL the time to the actors, who are not in control of the show and.... like at the time.... that could have had personal implications for them? And yes homophobia bad, and people can still be allies despite that, but again like.... I do feel like - from what I’ve seen - that these guys were NOT ready to deal with a lot of that but they’ve (okay Jensen I’m talking about Jensen here) genuinely grown and learned? Also how many years ago was the essay autograph thing that people keep trotting out, like what year was it in and what year of spn was it, and what were the prevailing opinions on LGBT issues and bisexuality then.

I’ve been seeing some murmurings of identity politicsing surrounding ppl who enjoy Supernatural, and I’m sorry that that’s happening to you, it really fucking sucks and it’s also the dumbest way to “make” or “win” an argument because it shouldn’t ever be a final determiner, just factors to consider when considering what life experiences might have informed someone else’s PoV and views as well as maybe how you can better communicate with them. Instead of it being a “weapon” or “tool” to either dismiss someone or de facto validate an argument.

Also yeah I get it that you don’t want to send discourse to spn blogs bc I imagine you guys ARE actively grappling with all the bs rn and it’s a lot. Even just from like, the stuff I see around, I’m like tired of it. I’m genuinely having more fun with ppl who are having a good time with Supernatural than the ppl who are hating on it, even in this sort of backhanded “oh we’re not clowning YOU we’re clowning the writers and showrunners who think you should be satisfied with this,” when... yeah? the people who HAVE been watching the show and therefore... know what’s up.. DO seem to be? And all this based on *fake gasp* context. And that’s where the backhandedness becomes kind of poisonous to me, because it implies that it IS bad, and that you SHOULDN’T be satisfied, but poor little you are but don’t worry, we’re not making fun of YOU for liking garbage, you’re just the hapless victim who is consuming the garbage bc... idk, whatever reasons ppl are coming up with ig.

idk man it’s 2020. Fandom isn’t activism, performative or otherwise, it’s okay to let people enjoy things even if you think they’re “objectively” bad, and like... I don’t know if people can call something bad when they’re not even working with the whole context and instead are dealing with rumor and reputation. 

[kinetic-elaboration]

July 16: Star Trek 1x06 Mudd’s Women

Mudd’s Women today. I don’t really think fondly of this ep when I’m not watching it, not because it’s not good, but because it’s less focused on the Enterprise, like the really important part of the story is about characters who only appear here, so it doesn’t stand out as much. Also Mudd is really annoying. Also almost every ep of S1 is a Classic so anything that isn’t, like 11/10 seems just “okay” by comparison.

So the Enterprise is just chasing a suspicious vessel because why not. Actually kind of speaks to that theory that esp. the pre-5 year mission purpose of the ship is to be like the Coast Guard, to patrol. I guess they still do that. Hey--that looks suspicious!

“No registration beams.” No license plate lol.

Kirk is so good-hearted. Doesn’t hesitate to put his own ship in potential danger to save some random people he doesn’t know, because of course, he can’t let this situation he exacerbated, as part of his job, become worse. Plus, like, curiosity I’m sure.

Uhura in gold today.

Always get a kick out of anyone on the bridge doing the job of anyone else on the bridge and Kirk just taking Spock’s station gives me Emotions.

Mudd like “I couldn’t be sure you were a friendly vessel, so I ran” like okay, the ship literally says “U.S.S. Enterprise” on it in big letters, it’s not ambiguous.

Early example of McCoy hating transporters.

Literally can’t believe this ship has batteries.

Honestly, they’re not that hot guys, keep it in your pants.

“How many did we get off?” / “Oh, two, maybe three depending on how Spock’s feeling rn.”

McCoy is such a slut omg.

The one in blue is literally just wearing a shirt.

“You’re part Vulcanian.” Honestly, Mudd seems to understand the whole concept of Vulcans better than McCoy does (”This type can turn himself off from any emotion.”).

“I apologize for what he said, Sir.” Oh, Evie, so empathetic. Spock’s not even upset. He’s having a grand time. Can’t wait to see what the Captain will think of the hot ladies! (Answer: he thinks they’re the crew.)

Honestly, I do think Spock was into them a little. It’s pretty ambiguous, Mudd’s comment aside, just how much of a kick he got out of them. He comes very close to smiling a lot, though.

“You’re a hard-nosed one, Captain.” Damn right.

Defense attorney Spock.

Man, I love Sulu.

I’m only noticing it on this rewatch but Spock has a lot of engineering knowledge, I feel? He’s the Science Officer but engineering is honestly the most specific skill set he exercises.

The way Kirk says, “Well, Mr. Spock?” is so flirty. They even give the dramatic, flirty lighting.

Honestly, I can’t believe the Enterprise canonically runs on crystals.

I love the computer. Nurse Chapel’s voice. The squiggly green line. Constantly irritating Mudd. Though also tbh very disturbing from a privacy point of view. I mean in a way it’s not, like, a lie detector, it’s not determining Mudd is lying by anything about him, it’s just comparing his words to public records, but still.

Convicted of driving without a license.

Computer: the male members of the crew are horny.

Kirk: strike the horniness from the record.

I really expected the computer to say “incorrect” when Mudd says, “Heaven’s honest truth.”

That look Kirk shares with Spock though. It’s not super obvious they’re looking at each other, but they are.

Spock with his hands on his hips. Underrated stance, should have had more of that in AOS.

Honestly, this plotline is yet another vehicle for the sort of story Beyond was allegedly interested in telling lol.

“Are you wearing something radioactive?”

This lady in green isn’t very smart but I love McCoy in this scene. His horniness fighting with his realization that uh this is weird?

“Don’t mind me, Captain, I was just lying on your bed for no reason.” “Uh, actually I do mind???”

Kirk is a paragon of virtue though!

I like Evie a lot. She’s the best part of this ep. Really going after Kirk in his vulnerable spot with that talk of loneliness. I do get the impression she legit liked him (as much as she could in uh 2 days) but I don’t think he had much of an interest in her, other than in the same way as everyone else reacting to the hotness drug. And even that he controlled pretty well.

Those original husbands are going to be pissed.

Good Kirk and McCoy scene. “They’re not smart enough to be aliens.” And Kirk doesn’t even pull the “I’m the Captain, answer my question” thing, he’s literally like, “I asked you first.”

I like that McCoy gets that they’re just “acting beautiful.” Actually in retrospect this is probably where Kirk get his placebo idea.

“Ships captains are already married--to their vessels.”

Lol they look exactly the same without the drugs, just with their hair disheveled and their makeup gone.

Love that the pill’s in the form of a sparkly heart.

Spock likes the look of the crystals. That decadent bitch. Idk if people generally thinkk of Vulcans as austere but they are not, like aesthetically--only emotionally. He just likes pretty things, and it’s canon.

Whereas Kirk’s like “I literally don’t give af that we made some crystals less sparkly, we saved some people’s lives.”

Mmmm, I enjoy negotiator!Kirk. Even though he’s in such a bad spot. That poor, sad little face.

Mudd’s earring loooool.

“Expect further difficulty from the miners.”

I love the mining aesthetic/world building/almost 50s sci fi feel.

I love that Kirk just went out into the storm after Eve. Even if he didn’t find her... but then this isn’t their love story, huh.

“I didn’t get any. I should have found a way!”

I’m too tired for real, like, analysis, but I like Evie and Ben.

She’s not even ugly, like........... I know I just have to take it as reality that the Venus drug makes them hot and I’m willing to just suspend disbelief that there’s some quality there that isn’t literal, that can’t be seen, but I cannot suspend disbelief that this very pretty woman is “homely” or “ugly” when she takes off her makeup.

Sub-space radio marriage.

Kirk is so smart with his placebo experiment.

I’m not like a super fan of the ultimate explanation of the Venus drug though--that it gives you “more of what you are.” Too... essentialist and playing into gender stereotypes personally. Like a lot of the Message of this ep I can get behind, but then it takes a few weird missteps that are almost certainly a product of the time in which it was made (like a less extreme version of The Enemy Within). Also, the little like shoehorned “You just gotta believe in yourself!” message was weird. It didn’t really seem to fit with the point.

The really interesting and thoughtful parts of this episode are smushed too much into the end. There’s just a lot going on: what is the nature of marriage, what are the confines of gender roles, what is the purpose of beauty, what are the intersections between gender and class, what are the larger economic realities at play here, how do human emotions like loneliness interplay with class and gender--and man the drug itself!! Is it manipulation? Is it lying? Are the real and/or biggest victims of the drug the women themselves--is it a danger to them? (I’d say yes, and, it appears to be.) And honestly nothing is really resolved?? Even Evie agreeing to stay with Ben apparently because she knows Kirk won’t have her (when they had one conversation and he didn’t really seem that into her anyway) is like... I get it because we always gotta shoehorn hints of romance with the lead because he’s the lead, and we have to bring everything back to the lead because he’s the lead, but I’m not interested in Evie’s thoughts on Kirk. I’m interested in her thoughts on Ben, marriage, partnership, gender roles, love.

I mean “You don’t want wives! This is what you want!” is so !!!!

Basically the ep is fine but it’s so weighted at the end, to a degree that everything that came before seems kinda... slow, in retrospect.

Honestly, Kirk’s even a little flirty with Mudd. (My mom: “The problem’s been solved, Kirk is happy and flirty.” I agree, happy and flirty is his default mode!)

"The fact that my internal arrangement differs from yours, Doctor, pleases me no end."

[serenagaywaterford]

Oops... I think I messed up, have no idea if I sent that ask or not... anyway, my question is if you’ve seen the play by play people posted on Reddit of episode 11. If so, what do you think? And then specifically going forward, how do you think the June/Serena relationship is gonna be, if at all.

Both came through :) 

Yeah, that play by play and the Aussie synopsis… synposes??? were what I was taking into consideration. (Not those other weird spoilers that may have just been trolly fakes?)

I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT PLAY BY PLAY TBH

But mostly, I hate 2 things: Everything they’ve written for Serena. And the fact apparently the Canadian border is….everywhere? Okay, this is just an really stupid ongoing problem with THT that is so nitpicky for me tbh. I just… I could literally rant about the border for like 40 pages rn but I won’t.

As for Winslow’s attempted rape of June… *sigh* I just… Really? Is that what I need to see? I knew that was coming cos the Israeli trailer shows it lol. WHAT THE FUCK IS SO GODDAMN SPECIAL ABOUT JUNE? I’m not saying that to be mean but seriously? This season every single man seemed hellbent on bending over backwards for her. Fred’s always been weirdly preoccupied and predatory. But wtf Stabler *insert Law & Order sound*? Like he wants what Fred wants??? And Fred wants what Lawrence has… and like, there’s Serena in this equation too. Everybody is so damn obsessed with June. Obviously Gay Stabler (can I even call him that anymore?) isn’t doing it out of lust. It’s power and control.

Anyway.

I am literally 28392309 times more interested in the Marthas’ plan than June’s. Sorry.

I still hang onto a tiny shred of hope about Serena’s Secret Master Plan For Revenge–but seriously, her fucking Fred is just… makes me pretty much call that as impossible. I know, I know you could go into a whole thing about the psychology of domestic abuse victims, and how they often do swing back into “love” or whatever with their abusers. And often it’s frustrating as FUCK to see from the outside. But it happens over and over, usually until either they escape the relationship or they are killed by it. So, Serena being manipulated into this fantasy romance again isn’t exactly unrealistic. It’s just unwanted. I don’t want to see that. And I REALLY FUCKING DESPISE THT for glorifying that and romanticising it, or I dunno, just ignoring the violent assault(s) AND the first 4 episodes of S3 entirely. 

I don’t think this show is making any sort of nuanced commentary on the psychology of domestic abuse. I think they’re literally just writing all the opposite things that most people want to see.

Cos, let’s break it down:

If you hate Serena, this romantic portrayal is boring AF and repulsive.

If you like Serena, this romantic portrayal is aggravating and offensive.

Who wants to see Serena fuck Fred in a tender way?

ABSOLUTELY ZERO PEOPLE EVER.

ZERO.

I hate Fiennes too btw. I’d just like to throw that unfair nugget out there. Cos I feel like if such a name actor wasn’t the one in that role, this may have been slightly different. Certainly less sympathetic to Fred at any rate. Fred is a low, pathetic, disgusting creature and I am just angry that I have to spend ANY time watching him say or do anything at all. I just want him dead and gone. But oh no, we can’t do that to Joseph Fiennes. 

-_-

They keep hinting that Serena has something going on… but I’ll believe it when I see it. And I won’t see it.

But like… Why would Serena say goodbye to Rita like that if she thought they were just going to some fucking farmhouse in rural Vermont or whatever? So… Yeah. Little hints. Can’t get any hopes up at all.

And, even if Serena is conning Fred and working with Tuello (best case scenario), WE DON’T NEED A SEX SCENE. WE DON’T. THERE IS NO REASON FOR IT. Other than to disgust and/or bore viewers.

Anyway

About June/Serena, I think that’s pretty dead in the water tbh. Especially if Serena is having romantic tender disgusting fucking sex with that abusive fungal pondscum. Even ignoring the non-canon romantic shippery aspects of June/Serena, I don’t think we’ll get to see much at all cos they’re 100 of miles apart again with totally different stories now. I actually don’t think they’ll have any more scenes together this season. So… yeah. I think this is where the fork happens.

Either Serena is working with the US/CDN gov’ts and is bringing in the bigger fish, and then staying in Canada–or she’s legit arrested for good and therefore in prison. Either way, she’s nowhere near June and doesn’t seem to be for the rest of the season according to the synopses. The finale: “Fred and Serena have to adapt to their new life” ?!!?! Excuse me while I hurl. Both vomit and sharp objects at the TV.

And…

I’m just really angry?

It feels like they’ve ripped the heart out of the show. I’m not saying just because June/Serena has been murdered, but because the stories are all over the place, are saying really creepy things, and the characters are like… I don’t even know anymore, and everybody is fractured all over the place. It doesn’t feel cohesive. It doesn’t feel like they know what they’re doing and the writers are just flinging a bunch of shit at a wall and seeing what sticks.

Not to mention whatever “tragedy” is gonna happen to Luke, Moira, and Emily.

So, basically, S4 may have been renewed but… meh. I think this is likely gonna be it for me tbh. I can’t see myself sticking around for another season of this fuckery. All it does is make me sad and angry and frustrated and offended, so yeah.

There’s still a chance I’ll change my mind, but to be frank, I can’t really see how they could possibly salvage my interest in this show anymore if this is the direction they’re going. And that makes me sad. It’s like when you know you need to break up with someone but can’t do it right away… We’ll just finish this vacation together and then I’m dumping you, sorta thing.

[iinterminatis]

getting  to  know  the  mun

name:  Emma

nickname: Em, E, You Little Shit™

faceclaim: i used to use like... elsa. but now i just kinda use whatever i got handy, and bc this is my only active blog rn, i only have dylan oops.

pronouns: she/her

height:  5’7

birthday:  August 7th

aesthetic:  ummm... tech-y, lime/black, crop tops/leather jackets, dark lipstick OR soft blues, flannel shirts/short shorts, starry skies, witchy 

last song you listened to: Follow You by Bring Me the Horizon

favorite muse(s) you’ve written: OOF... Colton for sure, but I also REALLY miss my Wirt @wxywxrd and my Dick Grayson/Robin/Nightwing @circusbirdie / @bxrdbrain

getting  to  know  the  account

what inspired you to take on this muse: idk i have a real passion for the FNAF games, and the concept of the kid from the fourth game really just stuck with me. like what would happen if he survived long enough to grow up? how would he cope with his newfound disorders, the stigma surrounding the pizzeria AND his accident? and the best part of the FNAF franchise is that the actual canon is SO VAGUE that everybody’s interpretation is different! so then when theory after theory came about that provided some real good arguments for the character I originally based Colton on to be the son of the purple guy?? OH BOY IT TOOK OFF FROM THERE

what are your favourite aspects of your current muse(s): i love that i can take a character that’s really become more or less iconic in the FNAF franchise and totally turn it on its head in some ways-- make it my own. but also, Colton’s struggle with emotions and maintaining his humanity is amazingly fun. getting to play into him being a night guard despite having once been a victim of the pizzeria; watching him slowly put all the pieces together to solve the murders of his childhood friends; developing friendships and romantic relationships that I certainly never thought he’d have. CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

what’s your biggest inspiration when it comes to writing: chatting with people ooc really fUELS MY FIRE if u guys haven’t noticed by all the fucking memes lmao

favourite types of threads: ....emma’s a SLUT for angst lmao. but i’ll also do really fun or fluffy stuff!! those are fun!! i do enjoy threads with Colton specifically that are him and another stuck together at Fazbear’s for the night; testing Colton’s patience levels lol

biggest struggle in regards to your current muse: eh, it’s always replies !! i don’t like to keep anybody waiting, but i also know that trying to respond to things when i’m just not feeling it (especially longer ones !! bc i love longer threads, but i gotta be...... THERE) is just gonna cause me to have a Bad Time 

Tagged by :  STOLEN !!

Tagging :  anyone and everyone, have at it ;)

[fandomsfeelsandfanfics]

Step One: Play Hard to Get/// Sirius Black x Reader

PROLOGUE  PART II  PART III  PART IV  PART V  PART VI PART VII  EPILOGUE

SUMMARY: Everyone knew about Sirius Black. He was almost notorious for being a heart breaker, yet somehow girls always got drawn in. Maybe it was time that someone got revenge for all of those girls.

WORD COUNT: 1,392

WARNING(S): another Gryffindor party, so drinking 

A/N: Ayeee, I'm back at it again. If all goes as planned this is getting out the day after the first part, so fingers are super duper crossed rn. If anyone wants to get tagged just let me know. Enjoy!

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   Step One: Play Hard to Get

   Many of the men who will be “victim” to this list seem to be under the impression that they can easily have anyone they want. It’s what they’ve come to expect. That’s how you’ll get them. Showing a man that he cannot have you very easily will catch his attention. If he can’t have you, he’ll want you more. All you have to do is let him flirt with you, just a little bit, and act utterly uninterested. He’ll practically be begging for more.

-

   When it came to Sirius, it wasn’t difficult to “play hard to get”. It would actually be hard for Sirius to “get” you. You were too smart for that. He’d tried over the years, never too intensely but he’d certainly tried. You never paid attention to it. He was always telling you to stop playing hard to get. 

   So needless to say, this part of the plan would absolutely breeze by. 

-

   You sat down next to Lily, at breakfast. It was a cool Saturday morning so everyone was taking their time to get out of bed, you’d even thought you might be eating alone. She smiled as you reached for a piece of bacon. 

   “So...how’s your little plan going?” You swallowed the piece of bacon in your mouth and returned her smile. 

   “Good, it’s just starting. Tonight, I think. There’s going to be a party in the common room tonight.” She nodded. “Good.” 

   “I’m so excited. This is just so...fun.” You both giggled. 

   “Marlene still freaking out?” 

   “Yeah, she’ll get over it. She just doesn’t think you should be messing around with Sirius.” 

   “I’m not messing around with Sirius, I’m messing with Sirius. I’ll be just fine. Him...well we’ll see.” 

   The rest of breakfast went on without talking about it again. When you were finally done, you got up from the table and said goodbye. You were walking down the hall thinking when you saw Sirius. 

   You thought he might walk right past because he might still be mad about what you said. Instead, he walked right up to you with a smirk on his face. 

   “Hey,” he said. His voice was soaked in an annoying amount of confidence. That’s just how Sirius was, he practically dripped confidence.

   “Oh, hi, Sirius. You’re up early.” He shrugged. 

   “I was hungry. Where’re you off to? Why don’t you come eat with me?” You smiled at him. 

   “No thanks.” You could tell that he wasn’t happy, even though he tried to keep his same confident expression. You found that amusing. It took him awhile to finally speak again.

   “Okay,” he said cooly. “There’s a party tonight, I don’t know if you’ve heard. You should come.” Now it was your turn to shrug. 

   “I don’t know, I might. I think I may be busy but if I find time, I’ll stop by.” You could see the gears turning somewhere deep in his mind, he was confused. You’d just said no to him twice and you had to wonder how many times that’d happened in his life. 

   “Well, alright. See you later,” you said cheerfully. You smiled and walked away without saying anything else. You could feel his eyes on you but didn’t look back at him. Turns out things were starting much sooner than you’d thought. 

-

   You looked at yourself in the mirror and you were satisfied. You had on a short leather skirt, with a black shirt tucked into it. Sirius always said you looked good in black, so he’d just love this. You heard the door open and looked over your shoulder. Lily walked in smiling, she was dressed for the party too, wearing jeans and a button up shirt. 

   “Are you ready,” she asked.

   “Absolutely.” You hook your arm around hers and head for the common room. As soon as you walked into the common room, your ears filled with music. A couple ran by, nearly knocking you two over. You stared after them before continuing. 

   You eyes wandered around the room and caught on a pair of grey eyes across the room. Sirius was staring at you, his cup halfway to his mouth. He was completely still and it felt like the entire room had disappeared besides the two of you. You looked to his left and saw a girl standing next to him. She had a hand on his arm and was talking, not that he cared. 

   You tore your eyes away as Lily led you through the room. She found the couch that James, Remus, and Peter were sitting on and sat down next to James. He instantly, smiled and wrapped his arm around her. 

   “Took you guys long enough,” James said cheerfully. You shrugged at him. Suddenly, you felt someone sit down next to you. You turned to see Sirius. 

   “What’re you doing over here? Where’s your little friend?” He hadn’t expected that from you, his face sunk for a second. Just as quick as it had happened, his smirk was back. He put his arm around your shoulder.

   “You don’t need to worry about all that.” He ran his hand through his hair. “You look...” His eyes swept down your body. His eyes came back up to meet yours and you tried not to notice his subtle lip bite. “Absolutely fantastic.” 

   “Thanks.” 

   “Who’d you get this dressed up for?” 

   “Myself.” He chuckled, his eyes looked away for a moment. 

   “Good for you.” He looked you up and down again. “Wanna dance then?” 

   “I’d rather not but I’m sure that girl from earlier would love to.” He frowned. 

   “That’s the second time today, I’m starting to think you don’t like me or something.” 

   “I like you.” His eyes brightened slightly. “Being friends with you is incredible.” His frown was back.

   “Friends?” He paused for a moment. “Friends. Not sure if I like the sound of that. I don’t get why you always do this, why can’t you just relax and have a little fun?”

   “I’m having a blast.” You could see the fire in his eyes and you knew he wanted to continue arguing but he could see the same fire in yours. He just laughed, tilting his head up slightly and didn’t say anything more. 

   He spent the rest of the night sitting next to you, his arm wrapped around you. Neither of you talked much and you ignored his arm completely. He was confused as to why you weren't acting like every other girl, he didn’t like it at all. Still there was something about it that made him not dare moving. 

   The common room had been slowly but surely clearing out. Everyone was getting tired and there were people all over the place that were already passed out. The group sitting around you were wide awake, all except Remus who was a lightweight. Peter looked like he might be dozing off as well. However, you, Sirius, James, and Lily were still up, joking around and laughing. 

   Sirius had gotten drunker and was now leaning into you. Every time he let out a burst of laughter he seemed to get closer and closer. You were surprised that with Sirius as drunk as he was he hadn’t bothered leaving to find some girl to make out with. You tried not to notice the way he was looking at you. You could just barely see him out of the corner of your eye, which made it easier to ignore but it was still there. 

   He was so close now, you were aware of the his breathing. You could feel his chest rise and fall. It was almost soothing...but not quite. He was much too close. 

   You cleared your throat and everyone looked at you. “It’s getting pretty late, I better go.” Sirius didn’t say anything but you could see the corner of his lips turn downward slightly. 

   “Really,” James asked. 

   “Yeah, I’m kinda sleepy.” You stood up, letting Sirius arm easily fall away. “Lily, are you staying?” 

   “Mhmm, I think I will, see you later.” 

   “Alright, well see you all tomorrow.” They all said goodbye, except Sirius. He would’ve asked you to stay but probably didn’t want you to know he cared either way. That was hilarious. 

   As you walked back to your dorm, you smiled to yourself. This was working much better than you’d thought. 

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A/N: This series has literally had such good reception off I can’t even explain how happy I am. I’m tagging everyone who wants to be tagged so if you do just let me know in some way.

Tag List:

@siriusement @young7711 @ashkuuuu @sly-vixen-up2nogood @just-some-nerd @loveisloveandmorepeopleneedit @magical-spit @solangeloshiper @private-random @beedudu @names-add-meaning @never-ready-to-say-goodbye

[5hfanfiction]

Burning Memories (One Shot)

Summary: Camila and Lauren reunite by fire at the beach as they reflect on their past relationship while active in Fifth Harmony and struggle to wrap their heads around what’s in store for them as they navigate adulthood and contemplate the future.

Burning Memories

Camila Cabello was no more than ten yards from her car and already breaking a sweat from the weight of the logs and kindling she was carrying. She silently cursed the spontaneity of her plans and the resulting poor execution. The notebooks tightly squeezed into the backpack on her shoulders may as well have been bricks when combined with the other supplies that she brought along to the beach. However, it was inching near sunset, so being aware of how dark it would get afterward inspired a slight hustle in her to find the perfect spot for setting up.

There were a few other people within eyesight scattered along the beach but nobody close enough to get a good look at pop music’s stream queen. Ideally wherever she landed would stay secluded and afford her the privacy desired to conquer the evening’s mission without fear of recognition. At just about the point when she felt like her arms might fall off or her legs might give out from under her, Camila found a space that met her criteria and she gently dropped her supplies down to the sand in relief.

In hindsight she realized it may have been more effective to kidnap a girl scout as numerous unsuccessful attempts at starting a fire had come and gone. She opted to take a break and enjoy viewing the sunset when her frustration with the fire-starting reached a peak. It was difficult for Camila to remember the last time she let herself get lost in the beauty of her landscape, and in a way it helped relax her mind away from thoughts about the reason she came out there in the first place.

As the last visible piece of the sun dwindled away from view, Camila returned her attention toward the unlit logs and the unzipped backpack lazily tossed a few feet away. It was barely visible at that point, so she broke the “no cell phone” policy she intended to enforce in order to use her flashlight app. Unfortunately, breaking this rule meant she saw she had received a text from her second least favorite person in that moment, and her level of restraint to prevent her from reading it was minimal to none once she knew it was there.

“Thx, Camz! After the date’s set I can send you an invite. Is your parents’ address ok? It’d be good to c u. Matthew is welcome as your +1, ofc. :)”

Camila took a deep breath as she flipped her phone over so the screen was facing away from her again, against her leg. Lauren wasn’t her friend anymore, far from it, but enough time had lapsed that they could be civil enough to acknowledge each other when congratulations were in order. Ty had apparently proposed to Lauren a while ago, but the media somehow didn’t catch on before the couple chose to announce it themselves on Instagram a few hours before Camila’s escape to the beach.

It had been barely tens minutes after Camila read the announcement and found the courage to text Lauren her well wishes about the news that her boyfriend, Matthew, requested to FaceTime from overseas. He told her he wanted to take a break because of their disagreement over when to have children. He explained how he needed time to think about whether he could wait as much time as Camila needed to ride the wave of her current career success. Although she recognized that the pressure to start a family was a risk that could come from dating a significantly older man, it didn’t occur to her the topic would be pressed as soon as it was. This “break” seemed more like an ultimatum, so she decided on a whim that if her relationship was going to burn to ashes, then so too would the evidence of all the emotions past loves have made her feel.

Camila flipped her phone back over with every intention of going straight to the flashlight, but she felt a tug in her gut that told her to send a response to Lauren’s text first.

“The address here (Miami) is fine. But if I don’t have a +1 anymore, am I still invited?”

She felt stupid the moment she hit send, as her response was practically begging for questions, yet a part of her truly was curious if being in a relationship made her presence in Lauren’s life less awkward now. Rather than waste time obsessing over receiving a response, Camila tapped on the YouTube app and resorted to searching “how to build a lasting fire.” She had begun taking mental notes from the video she selected when a “ding” indicating a new text message interrupted.

“Here? Are you in Miami RN 2?”

‘Too? Oh no..’ Camila thought to herself as she reread the text to be sure. Lauren spent so much downtime in LA last she checked (not that she was keeping tabs or anything). It didn’t even occur to her they could both be in Miami at the same time.

“Yeah 4 1 wk. U?”

Camila barely had a chance to re-open the video before receiving another text alert.

“I fly back to LA tmrw. Want to grab a drink 2night?”

Camila felt her heart rate increase at the suggestion. Last time they intentionally spent time together she hadn’t been old enough to go out for a drink in the states, not that her celebrity status couldn’t have gotten her around that. What would Lauren think of her now? Sure, she had proven herself in the industry despite the controversy surrounding her exit from a group that had since gone on hiatus, but what would Lauren say to the scene that was laid out before her on the beach? What would she make of Camila aimlessly sitting in the sand beside notebooks filled with her most private thoughts, lyrics, and ideas, one of which was exclusively filled with content related to once loving the woman in question?

“I’m @ the beach.”

It wasn’t a direct invitation for Lauren to join her, but it may as well have been. It certainly wasn’t an outright rejection to meeting up either.

“What part? Is any1 else w/ u? I can meet u there.”

Camila sent a text back with more specific details about her location based on where she had parked, after which Lauren had announced that she would “see her soon & bring some treats.” Camila didn’t waste anymore time preparing the fire, as anxiety about the situation to come gradually crept up on her. The last thing she wanted to admit upon their reunion was how pathetic she was at something as simple as building a campfire, so she was determined to have it going strong before Lauren’s arrival.

It slipped Camila’s mind to conceal the contents of the backpack before it was too late. A noticeable figure was approaching her location quickly, and whether it was Lauren or a stranger out for blood, she wasn’t certain she wouldn’t die either way. To the relief of millions of fans worldwide, it was in fact Lauren who eventually came into full view and not a random sociopath excited to claim their next victim.

“I remember when you used to be afraid of wandering alone in the dark,” Lauren reminisced aloud as she retrieved a bottle of Grey Goose from a bag she had been carrying.

“Who’s to say that isn’t still true? Some emotions overpower fear depending on the circumstances,” Camila countered before gesturing toward the liquor. “Is that standard for celebrating an engagement?”

Lauren took a seat beside Camila in the sand, being sure to keep a safe distance from the fire that was finally burning properly.

“Probably not, but it’s good enough to celebrate being two people who are catching up after going through shit. Besides, Ty and I celebrated the engagement properly right after it happened.”

Lauren took a decent-sized swig directly from the bottle before offering it to Camila. Camila didn’t hesitate to accept, although she stuck to a more manageable sip. She was a lightweight and knew better than to start off with too much, too fast.

“Congrats again, by the way. Marriage is a big step. How’d you know you were ready?”

Camila knew it was a heavy question, but the way they used to be never involved treading lightly.

Lauren took another sip from the bottle and shrugged.

“It’s so rare to find someone who supports you for you, for everything you are, and everything you stand for despite all the noise in the world trying to sell us a false image of what perfect people and perfect love should be. Ty has never tried to change me. He understands nobody ever could.”

Camila pondered Lauren’s response carefully, before settling on a nod followed by a much bigger gulp of the vodka than she intended.

“Matthew wants me to stop taking birth control,” Camila blurted before the more reserved part of her brain could censor the thought from spilling out.

Lauren’s eyes widened noticeably before she tried to play it off by digging a small hole in the sand to store the bottle in temporarily.

“Wow,” is all Lauren managed to reply, taking the time to let it sink in where they both were with their lives now compared to when they had been close.

“Today he asked for us to 'take a break’ because the last time we saw each other we argued about it, and I guess it’s giving him second thoughts about me.”

Camila reached across Lauren to retrieve the liquor bottle and take another gulp, only wincing a little as she underestimated how the amount consumed would burn on the way down.

Lauren had to bite her tongue to the point of almost drawing blood to stop herself from saying something she’d regret. It wasn’t her place to judge someone’s relationship. She hated when it happened to her, and happen it did…almost constantly.

Lauren settled on her first question carefully.

“Are you having second thoughts about him?”

“I’m having second thoughts about everyone I’ve loved and everything I’ve felt,” Camila confessed as she gestured toward the now-scattered collection of notebooks almost forgotten against the sand. “I’m always preaching about love to my fans and how much it has inspired my music and who I claim myself to be. But what if I’m a fraud? Do I have it all wrong? If love is what inspires my music, but being in love is also what’s going to force me to take a break from music, then what am I really doing here?”

A single tear escaped from Camila’s left eye and out of instinct Lauren pulled their bodies together into a hug. Camila could feel herself calming down from the embrace, so she laid her head against Lauren’s shoulder and allowed the contact to continue despite their history and how it should make her wary of sharing physical affection.

“Did you write about me?” Lauren whispered against Camila’s head, although she knew from listening to all of her music that she unmistakeably had.

Camila pulled away from Lauren and bent over to retrieve a bright blue spiral with several doodles and scratches along the cover.

“Almost every day until there was no room left to cram anything else in here,” Camila explained while holding up what they would suspect to be the most condemning item proving there had once been more than friendship between the two of them while they were still band mates.

Lauren looked across the fire, toward the ocean, as she motioned for Camila to put the notebook back down beside them.

“I don’t need to read that to know that everything described in it was real, because I lived it, too. I felt it. All of it. I broke both of our hearts, because I thought it was necessary, and that’s one of the most naive things I’ve ever believed, apart from thinking that signing that goddamned contract after The X Factor without proper representation was a solid idea.”

In the midst of painful memories, Camila still managed to crack a smile at the cheap shot Lauren took at the paperwork that guaranteed the beginning of their careers. It had been a disaster, but it launched them all into a level of spotlight they needed in order to land where they were in present day, despite the hardships.

“I don’t blame you anymore. But you know me…when I close a door, I slam it. So that meant finding a way to forgive and forget even if the wound was still fresh at the time I decided to put it behind me. Now here I am out here preparing to burn all these memories I already put energy into mentally blocking.”

“You didn’t successfully conceal everything, Camz. 'I Have Questions’ wasn’t exactly subtle. I had to block so many accounts after you released that song.”

Camila nodded in understanding as she picked the notebook back up and flipped to the approximate page where she knew some of the original IHQ lyrics could be found.

“The version that got released was tame compared to how it all started.”

Lauren accepted the notebook this time and glanced over the page presented carefully.

She slowly read through one of the rough verses:

“How could you turn your back on me

Leave me helpless when I was already weak

I imagined pictures of our future

As I would lie awake in bed

But they blurred out of focus

as you eagerly erased our past”

“Why didn’t that make the final cut?”

“It alludes to romantic feelings, and the final version was spun so I could play it off like the relationship could have been platonic.”

“Kind of how I spun our relationship to seem platonic?”

“Pretty much exactly like that.”

Lauren continued to read the rest of the page, front and back, silently while Camila got lost in thought.

“I should have asked if you had any memories you wanted to bring and burn,” Camila said, breaking the silence casually.

“You’re not really going to burn this one, are you?”

Lauren looked conflicted at the thought of letting it go, although so far she had only read lyrics to the one song.

“I was going to burn the pages from that one first, actually.”

“Why?”

“You’re engaged. Not only is that door slammed shut, but it should be locked, bolted, and probably guarded by a three-headed dog on the other side,” Camila joked, although her tone didn’t convey that she really felt the humor.

“I was thinking though. If things don’t work out with Matthew, you could safely revisit some of your lyrics about heartbreak, and nobody but you and I would ever be any the wiser that someone else inspired them.”

“It almost sounds like you’d prefer if things didn’t work out with Matthew,” Camila accused with a raised eyebrow.

“That’s not true. The only relationship of yours I’ve ever tried to control was ours, and seeing how poorly I handled that one, I’d never try to interfere with others.”

“To be honest with you, one of the notebooks I brought here does have stuff inspired by him, and I was planning to burn it tonight, too.”

“Well then, the only proper way to handle a break up is with a ton of dessert!” Lauren remarked enthusiastically as she pulled s'mores ingredients out of the bag the Grey Goose had been in earlier.

“If I did get pregnant I could eat as many s'mores as I wanted and nobody would even bat an eyelash,” Camila pondered as she grabbed one of the marshmallow roasting sticks.

Lauren rolled her eyes as she pulled open the box of graham crackers and tore the plastic holding one set of the crackers apart.

“That doesn’t sound like break up talk to me. But leave it to you to consider food as the primary pro of being knocked up.”

“Ugh, I hate when people refer to pregnancy that way. It makes it sound like…scandalous? Or something. We’re adults. The process of growing and birthing a new life is beautiful. We should refer to it in a way that respects women who are becoming mothers.”

“Maybe we should have drank more. You are still way too articulate right now.”

“You used to be able to handle spending time with me sober,” Camila reminded Lauren as she crushed her first marshmallow and chocolate between two graham crackers in delight.

“I also remember that I had many other, effective ways of shutting you up, all of which are off limits now,” Lauren added with a smirk as she completed her own s'more and prepared to take her first bite.

“Watch it, Jauregui. That was suspiciously close to flirting.”

Camila moaned in satisfaction as she finished the last few bites of her s'more, before reaching for another marshmallow.

“Watch it, Cabello. Sounds like that are suspiciously close to teasing.”

Camila took her marshmallow stick away from the fire to jab it toward Lauren’s neck threateningly before returning it to the best part of the fire to get the desired marshmallow texture.

“That could have burned me, you know? And I bet the mark would look pretty similar to a hickey.”

“I guess we’d have to hook up then to not waste the accusations of cheating on false evidence.”

Lauren nearly choked on the piece of chocolate she had begun nibbling on as she waited for her next marshmallow to be melted.

“Camz, you can’t say shit like that. Fuck.”

Lauren unexpectedly picked up the Grey Goose bottle and took two big gulps, clearly seeking to become more intoxicated.

“You’re right. That crossed a line. Ty would definitely take me off the wedding invitation list if he knew I never got over you. If he even knew there was something to get over.”

“He knows. We asked each other about our longest, previous relationship and what we would have done differently to make it last. I started to talk about Lucy at first, but then I realized depending on where you start our time line, we were in love much longer. Just because we hesitated to define the relationship doesn’t mean it shouldn’t have counted.”

“I’m surprised you’re not more freaked out by me still having feelings for you. I’m also curious what your answer was.”

Lauren and Camila laid out beside each other on Camila’s blanket after each having consumed three s'mores, washed down with more vodka. They both felt lighter from the effects of the alcohol, and although it was cooling down quite a bit, they welcomed the breeze as they looked up at the stars.

“Neither of us received closure the way I ended it, Camz. That’s why our feelings aren’t resolved. Just because we’ve moved on and love other people now, too, doesn’t mean that we bumped our heads and forgot what it felt like to be in love with each other.”

“Wow, and Ty knows all this?”

Lauren rolled onto her side facing Camila and kept her head propped up with her elbow.

“Yes. What I told him I would have done differently about our relationship is one of two things. Either I would have come clean about it to everyone and tried to salvage it despite the pressure from management to tone it down, or I would have at the very least attempted to find closure once I knew you were leaving the band instead of shutting you out. Ty knows I’m with you tonight and he isn’t worried about it.”

Camila rolled onto her side opposite Lauren, bringing their bodies much closer to one another.

“He should worry,” Camila admitted as her eyes looked back and forth between Lauren’s eyes and Lauren’s lips.

“Why?”

“You know why,” Camila insisted as she leaned in close enough that Lauren could feel her breath on her cheek.

“Yeah, I know,” Lauren agreed softly as she closed the gap between them and let their lips meet for the first time in more than two years. It started out tentative, but Camila pressed back a little rougher to deepen the kiss and sighed soon after when Lauren pulled back slightly to disconnect their lips and look her in the eyes.

“You and Matthew are on a break for sure, right?”

Camila gave a quick nod in confirmation.

“So there’s no reason to feel guilty for what I’m about to do, right?” Lauren pressed one more time.

Camila reached out her hand to Lauren’s face and stroked her right check with her thumb as she pulled her back in closer. Camila proceeded to address Lauren softly.

“Tonight we’re burning memories. Nothing that happens on this beach will be carried into tomorrow unless we both agree. Don’t worry about whether this begins or ends a chapter for us. Just stay in the moment with me and see where it leads.”

Lauren showed no more hesitation as she closed the gap between them once again and they made a silent pact to let their hearts lead.

AN: I wrote my stress away until 4am and this is the product of that decision. After the longest writer’s block of my life I just needed something to come out. Thank you for reading. [I have also published this on Wattpad].