#not to discredit them tho like i know that even though theyre living their best life it didnt happen overnight i know they worked hard
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死
#ive been in a depressed slump for about two weeks now and there arent any signs of it getting better#shit scratch that its been almost 4 weeks oops#i know im a worthless piece of shit and i know. i KNOW im not important#yeah u can try to convince me and give me sound logic about how im wrong and i am important#ive heard it all trust me#but truth be told i know im garbage bc im shit at keeping in touch im shit at being a good person/friend im terrible at communication#yea u can say its not me its my depression and how it rewired the way i think and shit but man#even if u wanna blame the depression u have to admit that whether its me or my mental illness this behaviour is impacting my relationships#ive been holding onto so much baggage and im hobestly so tired of it and ive just been crying for the past few days bc i feel so worthless#im being weighed down by it all and its suffocating me and im running out of air#i know i shouldnt do this but i compare myself with so many of my neurotypical peers and relatives and im frustrated at how easy they are#able to navigate through life and how they take action and do what they want to do and live a fulfilling life#i WANT that so bad. i COULDVE had that if i didnt have stupid mental illnesses holding me back. i could be doing the things i love#i could be travelling i could have moved out i could have graduated earlier i couldve done x y z if i werent anxious and depressed#yes i know i shouldnt be thinking about the things i could do and i should rather focus on what i can do now and what i want to do#but man seeing everyone around me achieve their goals one by one through hard work while i stay stuck is just sad#not to discredit them tho like i know that even though theyre living their best life it didnt happen overnight i know they worked hard#i respect that completely#i just wish i could say the same for myself#i wish i could do those things and be proud of myself and i wish i was less immature and i wish i wasnt depressed#im literally such a dumb idiot i am so fucking stupid and ill never forget that no matter how smart i think i am im just a dumb immature hoe#whos got nothing to live for#im 22 and i cant believe ive been living like this for my whole life#am i supposed to endure another 22 years like this? 44 years? no man i cant do this forever#i know im going to eventuallly kms if nothing seems to be working out#bc i dont have it in me to just keep living like this it sucks so ill yeet outta this life when i can get the chance#i should probs call a suicide hotline tbh might do that tmr#anyways bye gonna delete this later when im embarassed that i posted this
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