#not that people who are aromantic have ASPD

[alexandraisyes]

It’s midnight but I’m here and I’m unfortunately queer and I’m thinking about how ASPD is inherently tied into my romantic orientation.

Romantic attraction requires emotional connection. People with ASPD struggle to form, and may even be incapable of forming, proper emotional connection with other people, including their own parents. Which means that people with ASPD struggle to feel or may never feel romantic attraction.

Which means that all full-blown clinical psycho/sociopaths fall somewhere on the aromantic spectrum.

The more you know!

[lastoneout]

I do actually think one of the big issues with radical feminism is that if you can convince yourself that one single group of people is born with evil baked into their DNA you can eventually be made to believe that of more people who have far less privilege and protection. Which is like a huge radfem recruitment method ofc first they get you to believe men suck and then it's asexuals and aromantics and then bisexuals in m/f relationships and then bisexuals in general and then pansexuals and polyam people and then gnc men and intersex people(who are somehow all considered men) then "cringe" trans people and then all trans people.

This is also my beef with people who act like having a personality disorder like npd or aspd makes you inherently a bad person or take astrology so seriously they believe being born under the wrong stars makes you untrustworthy, like any ideology that seriously bases it's core beliefs on the idea that a human can be born in such a way that makes them inherently a bad person and there is simply nothing to be done to change this is one you should run the fuck away from. Even if the people they are attacking are men, honestly fuck it especially if the people they target are men, because it's clearly so fucking easy to sell women and queer people on that bullshit and legit once you believe one group is malicious and oppressive by birth it's SO easy to get you to believe it about other groups too.

Honestly I genuinely think a lot of people who buy into this straight up don't believe humans have free will and it's super fucking weird. Anyone can decide to be evil and anyone can decide to be good. It's a decision, and sometimes the scales are weighted against you for any number of reasons, but the way you were born is NEVER one of them.

[mirrorcatcreditcard]

Why was the world only made for the people who experience feeling something but not for those who don't?

What do you do about certain emotions that aren't perceived the same way or at all?

Why doesn't life tell you how to deal with a lack of something everyone else says you should have?

Why are people mocked for trying to understand something they didn't or won't experience?

Why do I feel ashamed to say "I don't know"?

Why does society hate learning so much?

[jewish-vents]

My Anti-Social Personality Disorder is helping me cope with the spike in antisemitism - I've been told I'm not a person, I don't have a soul, people like me shouldn't be allowed to have kids, I should be euthanized, everything someone with ASPD does is secretly evil or manipulative and every person who sucks secretly has ASPD, etc. - but it's not helping me with the one thing I need it to. I need to protect my great-grandmother, my only living relative, the one who raised me after my parents died, who fought tooth and nail to get me out of the foster care system. I need to shield her from all this bad news and make sure she doesn't realize how violent and dire things are. She always protected me. I have to do the same for her. I have to keep her happy for however long she has left on this Earth.

I love her more than anyone or anything in the world. I would take a bullet for her if I had to, but antisemitism is more like a sea of landmines that keep detonating all around us. I try to get out in front of everything. I buy her silky summer scarves because she loves them and they cover up her Magen David. Instead of going to the summer music festival here, which I know attracts a lot of country good ol' boy white supremacists on top of the left wing antisemites, I bought us tickets to a classical violinist she's a huge fan of. She asked about my girlfriend breaking up with me and instead of telling her about how antisemitic my ex is I blurted out a truth I've been hiding for years, which is that I'm asexual but not aromantic and that's made dating hard sometimes. I've sought out, downloaded and burned DVDs of all kinds of her favorite movies from the black and white era so she'll be distracted away from her time spent normally watching the news by that. In spite of my dyslexia, I've recommitted myself to learning Hebrew because she helps me and that pulls her attention off of the news and the realities I don't want her to face.

And yet it's not enough. More and more of the news of antisemitism rising around the world filters through to her. I'm doing everything I can but it's not enough. I am not enough. I am insufficient. ASPD comes with being acutely aware of your own high intelligence but what no one ever tells you is, to quote an anime I watched recently, "You can't recover from something you can't escape." There's too much for me to shield her from all of it.

I'm used to being treated as if my personhood is conditional and can be revoked at any moment. That's my whole life. That was not her whole life. She's a survivor of the Shoah. Her whole life has been spent seeing progress made in antisemitic attitudes in many countries after witnessing the worst it could get. My brain is uniquely (mal)adapted to process and disregard people's cruelty as normal. Hers is not. She expects people to have humanity. They don't. And I can't protect her from that. I can't save her. I can't keep this from creeping into her spectrum of awareness.

Sometimes I wonder why Hashem even bothered giving me heightened intelligence if I can't manage to use it correctly to help her. What is it good for? What is it worth?

Sometimes I think this must be a skill issue. If I just tried harder, surely, with my IQ, I could keep her safe and oblivious to everything. I need to be doing more. But what?

Sometimes I just look at goyim and - and I am aware this is not something you're supposed to admit to/is bad, I just don't care - I think, "I hope someday someone treats you exactly like you've treated others. I hope you get back exactly what you've put out into the world, and you get as little sympathy and help in that moment as my great-grandmother is getting right now."

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. If you haven't already, I strongly recommend that you reach out to your local Jewish community. If you don't have one, or you for any reason don't feel comfortable with the local community, seek out community online.

There is only so long that you can shield your great-grandmother from the world. I understand the urge; we all have it, but no one has the power to keep their loved ones from ever being hurt.

What you can do is support her through the pain, and find other people who will help support her.

This will not be the first time your great-grandmother has experienced antisemitism. She may be better equipped to handle it than you fear.-🐞

[aspd-culture]

can people with aspd want to be in a romantic relationship? /sincere question

Absolutely. There’s various reasons depending on how far along social development was when the child was entered into survival mode causing typical neurological development to halt, and just based on the person.

For some, it’s as simple as wanting to find love for the same reason a prosocial person does. For others it’s the practicality of having a built-in person to perform transactions with (I’ll do this for you if you do this for me), or to split responsibilities with, or easy access to a sexual partner and not minding the romantic attachment being there, or the idea of always having someone who is considered safe nearby and at access. For some it’s honestly just to get people off our backs on why we’re always alone (“I just don’t like anyone as much as my partner”/“I don’t really need anyone else, I married my best friend”) because fvck prosocial people CANNOT for their life get off of us about that lol they are desperately afraid for our wellbeing if they do not see us interact with at least 3 non-family members a week (yes, I’ve really done the math and that number usually stops the questions entirely with everyone I’ve met).

There’s a million reasons anyone wants romantic relationships, even just for that natural pull to be close to someone that way, that people with ASPD might feel. Some pwASPD ignore those reasons/urges to keep themselves safe though, and not everyone with ASPD has interest in that to begin with.

As with nondisordered people, there are pwASPD all over the spectrum of alloplatonic to aplatonic, alloromantic to aromantic, etc. (I believe “allo” is the correct prefix opposite the prefix “a” but correct me if I’m wrong) too, even outside of neurological development.

I completely understand the confusion though, because society sure likes painting us as heartless. We aren’t, at least not inherently so, we’re just more protective of that heart because we learned we’ve gotta be.

Plain text below the cut:

Absolutely. There’s various reasons depending on how far along social development was when the child was entered into survival mode causing typical neurological development to halt, and just based on the person.

For some, it’s as simple as wanting to find love for the same reason a prosocial person does. For others it’s the practicality of having a built-in person to perform transactions with (I’ll do this for you if you do this for me), or to split responsibilities with, or easy access to a sexual partner and not minding the romantic attachment being there, or the idea of always having someone who is considered safe nearby and at access. For some it’s honestly just to get people off our backs on why we’re always alone (“I just don’t like anyone as much as my partner”/“I don’t really need anyone else, I married my best friend”) because fvck prosocial people CANNOT for their life get off of us about that lol they are desperately afraid for our wellbeing if they do not see us interact with at least 3 non-family members a week (yes, I’ve really done the math and that number usually stops the questions entirely with everyone I’ve met).

There’s a million reasons anyone wants romantic relationships, even just for that natural pull to be close to someone that way, that people with ASPD might feel. Some pwASPD ignore those reasons/urges to keep themselves safe though, and not everyone with ASPD has interest in that to begin with.

As with nondisordered people, there are pwASPD all over the spectrum of alloplatonic to aplatonic, alloromantic to aromantic, etc. (I believe “allo” is the correct prefix opposite the prefix “a” but correct me if I’m wrong) too, even outside of neurological development.

I completely understand the confusion though, because society sure likes painting us as heartless. We aren’t, at least not inherently so, we’re just more protective of that heart because we learned we’ve gotta be.

[anatheyma]

Your biggest HC's of BTD and TPOF (If already asked and answered, put the link below 🦊)

oh boy i have a few of them and i surely will forget some, but let me list them for you -

strade:

- tooth gap.

- i used to hc him as german-roma when i was new to the fandom because... projecting since his ethnicity isn't confirmed canonically.

- i don't imagine his voice to be as deep as most people do, it's not like super high pitched either, but somewhere in between.

- aromantic. fucks anything though.

lawrence:

- ASD. OCD. ASPD.

- transfem, duh, but doesn't care about gender that much. any pronouns. dresses like a dyke.

- on the asexual spectrum.

- nose bump!

ren/fox:

- the gay with anime girl comphet still applies.

- glasses. 🤤

- estrous cycles. that isn't canon, right?

- younger ren had acne. "isn't he neurotic about taking care of his fur/hair, won't that apply to skin as well?" yes, i am too. but it's hormonal.

- my boy has some undiagnosed personality disorders. so again, when i was new here i hc'd he had DID due to his personality changing so rapidly in the second game. i thought maybe "fox" wasn't just a business persona either, but rather an alter who ended up taking over in order to protect younger ren from traumatic memories (i don't have DID myself so tell me if this is not it)

celia:

- LESBIAN.

that's it. thank you. and sorry i don't have hcs for derek and mason, i've not been focused on them as much as the others </3

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

I'm not a person with npd but I'm opened to learning new things about NPD because I was confused early this year about why NPD doesn't exist, but some says it does but I don't mind learning from all sides. What are the common stereotypes people say about NPD?

i've actually only up until very recently seen people say npd straight up doesn't exist at all. usually it was people saying npd did exist, but that it was just abusive person disorder tm, but i've now seen people say npd doesn't exist and that it's just an excuse for abusers to get away with abusive behavior. i guess in that vein, they're still saying its just abusive person disorder tm, but i digress.

what you may have heard was people saying "npd abuse" or "narcissistic abuse" doesn't exist, in which yes that is true and i have plenty of posts explaining why that is (one that i even posted right before answering this ask).

as for sterotypes, the main one we've been battling is that all people with npd are terrible people who hurt and abuse everyone around them. i probably shouldn't have to explain why saying an entire group of mostly traumatized people are automatically abusive no matter what is disgusting and ableist, but i digress again. implying any group of people is inherently abusive because of a disorder or disability they have is always ableist. it'll be ableist wether they're talking about npd, bpd, aspd, bipolar disorder, ect.

i suppose another one is that all people with npd are incapable of love or having healthy relationships. while it's true for a lot of people with npd (myself included) that we may experience love or show our care for those close to us differently or struggle in relationships, it's not inherently impossible for us to have healthy relationships or to genuinely love and care about people close to us. (though absolutely huge shout out to loveless aromantic and/or aplatonic pwnpd, y'all are valid as fuck always <3)

another big one is that people with npd are incapable of being self-aware of themself and their disorder. this is just straight up untrue. plenty of people with npd are very self-aware of their symptoms, we are just as capable of being aware of our disorder as anyone else with any other disorder.

[entropy-sea-system]

In light of how some people (including aros!) have been throwing certain identities under the bus in criticising the aro manifesto, I am making this post. Im demiromantic allosexual and nonfriending aplatonic, and lovelustic aro.

To start off, I hate the aro manifesto too and find issue with its queerphobia and romance negativity. However, this does not mean you get to throw romance repulsion under the bus (although Im not romance repulsed and am aro, I support romance repulsed aros and other romance repulsed people!) As it is not inherently romance negativity or queerphobia to be repulsed by romance! Romance repulsed people are great.

Now since that's out of the way, I want to talk about something that is a way even aros shit on certain identities. First of all I would like to say that the aro manifesto literally NEVER denigrates platonic love or nonromantic love, EVER(in fact it actually encourages it while tearing into romantic love). So you are not even making a point about the manifesto itself if you do this.

There are people who don't feel platonic love and/or nonromantic love. And we will always exist. Let's not be hostile to these experiences. It is not wrong at all to not feel any kind of love. Loveless people, whether loveless aro, loveless apl, loveless due to neurodivergence, and so on, are amazing and we should support these experiences!

Let me make that very clear. In fact it is also very okay to only feel romantic love, regardless of your orientation(reminder that some aros do feel romantic love, and in fact it may also be the only type of love some aros feel.).

It is also okay to be aplatonic or atertiary in other ways (Im aplatonic and atertiary myself, also adding that you do not have to be aro and/or ace to be these identities!) and/or feel a disconnect from nonromantic and nonsexual relationships. These identities do not exist just so some aros can feel better about themself by putting these identities down.

Do not reinforce platonormativity by treating friendship as mandatory. Friendship is optional just like romance is, even if you need friendship to be happy (which yes can be possible even though you like to shit on people who derive a lot of happiness from romance or feel way bettee when they have a partner, it is possible to feel a need for ANY type of relationship and that is okay!!), not everyone does! In fact some of us need to not have friendship in our life in order to be happy just like you may need to not have romance in your life for the same reason!

It's not the fault of loveless aros that aromanticism is seen as devoid of all kinds of love by arophobes/aromisics! Some aros fit the 'stereotype' of aromantics and that's okay. Its the fact that people assume all aros are loveless that is the problem.

There is nothing wrong with being loveless and please remember that loveless people still are not even accepted within the aro community. As much as being loveless is a stereotype used to malign aros, the identity itself is hardly respected within OR outside the aro community and you need to understand this. If you only give voice to and respect aros who experience a lot of nonromantic love, you are completely missing the point and are silencing loveless people in the community.

It is also ableist to use ableist slurs (especially slurs used against people with aspd) towards loveless people, especially since some people who are neurodivergent cannot feel love or feel a disconnect from love due to their neurodivergence (and no, we do not need to feel love or be completely devoid of neurodivergence or mental illness to be given respect!).

You will not become acceptable to society by doing this. To arophobes/aromisics, you are not superior to loveless aros, aplatonics, atertiary people, or other people with a disconnect from love or nonromantic and nonsexual relationships . They target all of us. Instead of looking down on people for not feeling love, or for not feeling nonromantic love, support all of these experiences and extend compassion to other people even if they aren't exactly like you in every way.

(Note: the term nonsexual is used here because some people who don't want some/most types of nonromantic relationships may still want sexual relationships that are nonromantic in nature, and I wanted to reflect that in the wording! And also because the aro community does not actually pressure people to want nonromantic relationships that are solely sexual!)

[some-pers0n]

[Favourite guy being in reference to Medic TF2 of course]

I hope this is slightly sufficient. Here's just the main ones I can think of off the top of my head.

Let's get to it.

Medic's real name is Ludwig Ludwig (yes his parents love him btw) but he just often goes by as simply Ludwig

Born on February 14th, 1923

Aromantic asexual and will quite literally rip out your jugular if you make advances on him

^ Greyplatonic as well

^^ He IS partnering though and is in a QPR with Engineer

Low empathy autistic

^ On top of it he has ASPD

^^ NO he is NOT a "psychopath" and I WILL kill you with a rusty shovel if you try to say anything like that. He's just gets bored a lot and is really silly now because he's doing something he loves and enjoys it

Ethnically Jewish (in particular Ashkenazi)

Atheist who knows that God is real, but just doesn't follow him

^ I'm being dead serious when I say that Medic takes personal offense to God being seen as the most powerful being in the universe and the one who dictates the laws of nature

Naturally has curly hair

^ He gels and combs it to make it like how it is

^^ If he just wakes up or if it's One of Those Days then he doesn't do it and just kinda leaves it all curly and messy

^ He's still got a fucked up receding hairline though do NOT forget it

WORST DRIVER YOU'LL EVER SEE. I cannot overstate how terrifying it would be to be the passenger while this guy is driving. He has the worst road rage, drives like a maniac, goes like fifty over the speed limit, yells and laughs the entire time, and likes taking "shortcuts" by driving on grass and off-road stuff. I would have a heart attack if I was in a car while he's driving

Literally no sense of humour and most of the stuff people find funny from him is just him being 100% serious or sarcastic

^ If he tries making a joke it's delivered in the most awkward way possible, to the point where people think he's being genuine

^^ He is actually pretty good with storytelling though

Plays the accordion, violin, piano, and clarinet

^ He's a major show off

When he was young he preferred exploring the woods and climbing trees and eating dirt and watching the woodland fauna go about than playing with the other kids

He is a lot more sympathetic and kind towards animals seen as pests (rats, pigeons, etc)

Went to Miskatonic University but then promptly left with a fake medical license after almost being caught killing like nine people

^ It's a long story :)

[crispycreambacon]

welcome to my blog! ✧˖°.

free palestine || ao3 || art-only/back-up blog

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ Read on to learn more about who am I, what my boundaries are, and how to navigate my blog

☆ who am i

You can call me Chris, Crispy or Bacon

Any other variation of my full name will also work. Above all, I'm an artist, writer and lover 💕

I was born on 2006's Pride Month

The universe thought it'd be funny foreshadowing. I'm a trans Filipino—specifically non-binary agender—who is bisexual and aromantic asexual.

As mentioned before, I create art

I make art for whatever suits my current fancy including my interests and my original characters! Comics and animation are also a passion of mine. Other than that, I also weave words in the realm of fanfiction and chip away at the stories of my silly characters~

☆ boundaries

I aim to make this blog a comfortable place for people to hang around in, thus before you follow me, please heed the following:

If you're a bigot (racist, homophobe/transphobe, TERF, zionist, Islamophobic, antisemetic, ableist, etc.), that's an automatic block. You are not welcome here.

No NSFW directed at me. I may be an adult, but a lot of my followers aren't! Plus I'm uncomfortable with that kind of interaction coming from strangers ^^;;

Do not start discourse with me but especially discourse regarding the LGBT+ community. I am sick of LGBT+ infighting. Unless I am willing to speak on a matter, do not prod me to do so.

I welcome people who are struggling with neurodivergences especially those who are psychotic (ex. schizophrenic, schizoaffective, delusional), dissociative (ex. DID, OSDD) and/or in the Cluster-B spectrum (NPD, BPD, ASPD, HPD). If you have a problem with that, either work on that or leave.

Also keep in mind that I block freely so if you find yourself blocked, don't take it personally. Other than that, I'm open to asks and general interaction! DMs are also open, but I prefer if you interact through the ask box, plus it may take some time for me to respond to private messsges.

I hope you'll enjoy your stay here! 💫

☆ tag navigation

for my posts

chris p fried art = my art

chris p fried ocs = my OCs

chris p fried writings = my stories/fics

chris p fried rambles = my opinions

chris p fried doo doo = my shitposts

chris p fried answers = my answers to asks

chris p fried what?! = my authentic self

crispy compliments to the chef = gifts for me :3 (thank you)

for others' posts

artists cooking gourmet = art

writers cooking gourmet = writing

people frying stuff = general posts

clowns burning the kitchen (affectionate) = funny posts

a nice warm soup after a long day = wholesome posts

alphabet soup matters = lgbtqia+ posts

important = awareness, signal boost, etc.

a reminder to those who need it = gentler yet still important reminders

All fandom posts will be tagged by the characters and media.

[caeliangel]

anon who sent silly "you connect aspd with being aro!!" ... they arent doing that, they are making an aromatic flag exclusively for people with aspd, if thats an issue to you then fuckoff, people can have a childhood trauma disorder and be aromatic

!!! Its only for those who want and feel like their aspd is linked tk the reason why they're aromantic, nothing wrong w it!!

[alexandraisyes]

eclipse is not straight, at least imo. He's either really gay for Sun, or aroace (or something else idk)

Also same goes for Solar- either aroace or really queer. Not straight.

My gaydar is going insane for them

It is my personal belief/headcanon that Eclipse is aroace. We never get confirmation, but he's really touch-averse in general, and he has ASPD. I can literally confirm as someone with ASPD who has done their research that if you have full-blown diagnosable ASPD you fall under the aromantic umbrella. Most of us are demiromantic or romance-repulsed (more the former than the latter). There's an actual psychological reason behind this as well.

(Rifling through my notes hold on)

For someone with ASPD who has learned to care and respect their partner, love may still be experienced differently compared to individuals without the disorder. Their expression of love might be more pragmatic or rational, characterized by a deep sense of loyalty and commitment rather than intense emotional connection. They may prioritize actions over words, demonstrating their love through practical gestures and efforts to ensure the well-being and happiness of their partner. Their love may be marked by a strong sense of protection and responsibility towards their partner, as they recognize the importance of the relationship in their life. They might strive to understand their partner's needs and preferences, even if they don't inherently grasp them on an emotional level. Despite potential challenges in empathizing with their partner's emotions, they may still demonstrate care and consideration in their own way, seeking to maintain harmony and stability in the relationship. Over time, with effort and self-awareness, they can develop a deeper understanding of love and cultivate healthier relationship dynamics.

Earlier set of notes I had stashed away. Looking for the psychology set now.

The aromantic umbrella encompasses a wide range of experiences related to romantic attraction, including people who experience little to no romantic attraction (aromantic), those who experience it rarely (greyromantic), or under specific circumstances (demiromantic). Given this diversity, many people with ASPD who struggle with emotional connections find that their experiences align with some aspect of the aromantic spectrum. The difficulty in forming deep emotional connections, which is common in ASPD, can directly influence one’s experience of romantic attraction. If emotional connection is a significant part of romantic attraction for most people, then those with ASPD might not experience romantic attraction in the same way or at all, leading them to identify as aromantic. For people with ASPD, identifying as aromantic can be a way to understand and communicate their experiences with attraction and relationships. It provides a framework that validates their experience of not feeling romantic attraction or feeling it differently.

Literally speaking as someone with ASPD who knows several other people with ASPD, everyone I have talked to experiences an extremely reduced or no romantic attraction. Most of us don't even know that we can feel romantic attraction until we form a deep emotional bond with another person, and if you've been following my writings about ASPD, you'll know exactly how difficult that is for us. Aromantic doesn't mean you don't have an interest in dating, it literally is just a reflection of how much romantic attraction you can feel.

Aromanticism refers to a romantic orientation where an individual does not experience romantic attraction towards others. This doesn't necessarily mean they are uninterested in relationships or incapable of love; rather, their relationships may not involve the romantic elements traditionally expected in society.

I cannot tell you a single relationship with someone with ASPD that is "traditionally romantic" because we literally just do not love like empathetic people. We don't "fall in love", instead it's a deep sense of loyalty and devotion for someone who has earned our respect, and if romantic love comes on later in life if that person sticks around, then good for us. But it's not considered a natural thing for us because most of the time people aren't willing to stick around that long, or we get freaked out and dip before we can form any real connection to others.

As far as Solar, I don't really know what he is nor do I have a speculation. He might be aroace; he's never really expressed an interest in dating or things like that. I think it's a fun headcanon that he's demiromantic like a lot of my friends have suggested for him.

Weekend Ask Game - Send Me TSBS Confessions

[hydrothermal-vents]

You asked me last night if I was ok and I said I was and I lied.

I think you'd be surprised how often I lie to you about what's in my head.

You're upset by me telling you I don't want to label us as dating. All I can say is get over it. You knew how things would be from the start.

Reckon that's my bad for letting you call me your boyfriend without explaining what that word means to me.

Let me spell it out for you.

You don't own me. We're friends who fuck. I like things that way. I don't want that to change. I don't want to be introduced as your boyfriend for other people to expect a romantic aspect from me. I don't want anyone else involved in our sex life and that's what it is. A sex life. Not a romantic life. Not a dating life. A sex life.

We are friends with benefits.

I never wanted your parents to find out this way. I'd have thought you'd have enough sense to not tell daddy about me, or at least not tell daddy every little detail. Daddy doesn't need to know his little girl is sending nudes. Daddy doesn't need to know his little girl is grown up even if you can make your own goddamn decisions at 19 but daddy doesn't need to know because all daddy does is control you. All he's ever done is control you. You can't act surprised when he did exactly what you expected.

Maybe it's my fault for thinking you were wiser than that. If daddy's right about anything it's that you're naive. Little girl sometimes, the way you have faith and assume the best of everyone. I don't get it, but god rest a cynic.

I don't want to label this as dating because every time that's happened people have ended up with expectations even when I was upfront. N expected me to love him and was surprised when I didn't and then cheated on me despite me saying outright that I don't think I've ever loved someone. O expected me to love her and by the time I DID she'd moved on. G expected me to love him despite me never even showing interest in him. The only reason D never fussed me for it is because she was never romantically attracted to me either. And I thought I had romantic feelings for her and it turns out that was just temporary obsession and despite her not liking me that way she still acted hurt when I told her that I don't reckon I ever was romantically attracted to her—like she was disappointed that it HAD in fact been my ASPD obsession and not a romantic attachment. And I care about you enough, in my own fucked up way, to NOT want your heart broken if I confess that I love you, because I'm fucking impulsive and when my blood is up I can't think about a year down the line, and it turns out I'm just temporarily obsessing over you.

I don't want to repeat the mistakes of Nick. I don't want to be the one leaving someone hanging on for years wondering when I'll show my face. I don't want you to deal with the pressure and doubts that I had. I don't want you to stress like that or blame yourself thinking it's somehow your fault, or that you're not good enough, or that if you were better I'd be there with you. Because that's how it felt to me. That's how it felt for five years. And even now I have a complex of never good enough, because if I was good enough surely my boyfriend would've visited me when he could've over five years. Surely he'd have seen me once when we were only 3 hours apart. Surely it was my fault.

I don't love you. Platonically, yeah, it feels good to say it. But I'm also aplatonic as much as aromantic. We've "clicked" by now—you're a solid companion and I enjoy spending time with you. But I don't love you. I say it because I know it makes you feel good, makes you feel reassured. I like how it feels coming off my tongue. I like how it sounds in my voice directed towards you. But I don't mean it—not in the way you do. And you know that. I guess I'm manipulating you when I say it. Not for my gain but just because I know you like to hear it.

In about seven months to a year, if we last by then, I'll probably be convinced that I'm in love with you. I'll become dangerous. I'll start stalking you. I'll keep an eye on your every move. I'll look into your life as much as I can. Do not feed this side of me. Do not encourage it. This side of me has capability to do harm to you and the people you care about. This is when you need to keep firm on boundaries. I will stop caring about you and start caring more about possessing you—this means I won't be afraid to deal with things I think are in my way. Be careful.

Five months after that I'll probably start calming down again. I'll either have gotten over my obsession and become normal again, and we're back at the start, or I'll still care about you and still be convinced I love you. Hell, maybe I will. I'm not a fortune teller.

I can't tell you which it's going to be, but this is the pattern so far. Unfortunately for both of us I do genuinely care about you to some extent. But that's a double edged sword. As much as it can make you feel good, it also has capacity to make your life utter hell. Don't toy with it.

You said you can be patient—I'm holding you to that. Cuz I can be one stubborn son a bitch.

[ventblogv4]

why do people give such a rat's about others' labels but still don't fucking accept me being unlabelled. they see it as me giving up. that's the nicer take, one thinks i'm dealing with the ol' internalised homophobia.

i can't tell the difference between types of love. if i love at all, i have only ever loved 6 people. if i like others, i can only tell if i do shitty "maths" to figure it out

i'm an aromantic sex-positive asexual agender intersex suspected by others to be autistic and ASPD human. not specific enough? oh i'm so sorry. well how about a nesciogender intersex suspected by others to be autistic and ASPD human. no? i'm an aromantic sex-positive asexual nesciogender intersex suspected by others to be autistic and ASPD human who is not a person and is sick of having to tell people this shit so they can group me or feel like they can comprehend me or whatever their fucking reason if they have one.

[aspd-culture]

I’m sorry if this sounds dumb, but what is an exception supposed to feel like. What even IS an exception. I don’t. Understand. Maybe it’s a sign I haven’t had one if I don’t know what it’s supposed to feel like but it feels like finding out sexual attraction exists when you’re asexual or romantic attraction if you’re aromantic or whatever. Alternatively, I also have.. is it called anhedonia or alexithymia when you can’t identify/tell how you’re feeling? That. So I don’t know if I have an exception and just don’t realize it because I don’t know what to look for or if I don’t but either way, idk what an exception is supposed to be/feel like cause I frequently just. Do not have solid emotional assessment/behavioral assessment. Help?

It's worth noting that not everyone has an Exception, and some people have multiple. It's not a criteria for ASPD, but rather a trait pwASPD have named as to avoid stepping on the toes of those with BPD many of whom have asked we not use the term FP/Favorite Person.

An Exception feels different to everyone, but the core definition behind the term is someone that pwASPD have less or less severe symptoms around.

For example, pwASPD who struggle with empathy tend to find they have the most empathy (even if it isn't a neurotypical amount) in regards to their Exception. Those of us who struggle with impulsivity may find we think things through better when it could affect our Exception. Those of us who struggle with social interests/instincts tend to find that we miss our Exception and have the urges to be around them that prosocial people get towards everyone. We often manipulate them less or not at all, and may have some amount of guilt/remorse when doing something that would hurt them if they found out like cheating or lying to them.

There are some symptoms that are often exacerbated with Exceptions though. Namely, anger/irritability/violent urges may be more intense or more frequent when it comes to Exceptions (as this is a disorder with attachment issues at its core and Exceptions are the people that we tend to let in the most, so when symptoms flare ASPD often tries to push them out of your life via aggression and violent thoughts, almost in a way similar to splitting in BPD).

In general I would say it's less about a specific feeling and more about the way our symptoms interact with the person that makes them an Exception. Exceptions can be romantic, platonic, caregivers, parents/stand in parents, etc. In systems (DID/OSDD/UDD), system members are sometimes, but not always, Exceptions. Hell, I know at least one person with a therapist as one of their Exceptions.

If I were to associate a feeling with them, I would say Exceptions are the people that, when things are going well, remind you why you bother to put up with people in the first place. When alone with them, you may even have some imposter syndrome about if you have ASPD at all. Sort of like "if all people were like this, then maybe I'd trust more people".

Idk if that helps, but I hope so.

[error-empathy-not-found]

I'm not sure how much I'm going to use this blog, but it's definitely more appealing now that Tumblr allows some NSFW.

About me:

I occasionally write porn, even more rarely than I use social media. It's usually fanfic for Junlian, 0.5 Ranwan, and other noncon ships from TGCF, SVSSS, and 2ha.

I'm a gay man with several headmates. Our system formed from trauma, but our plurality is healthy now. In general, we're doing pretty well. But that's why I don't use social media often - I'm not the most active fronter.

I fully fit the criteria for anti-social personality disorder. No one else in my system fits the criteria at all. In my opinion, this means I have ASPD and my headmates don't. I don't plan to ever seek an official diagnosis, mostly because there isn't room in the medical system for situations like mine.

My relationship with morality, as someone with ASPD, is linked to my existence as part of a system. Our host/main fronter uses a mental wall technique to prevent me from doing things they consider wrong, so I've never had to worry about developing my own morals.

About my sexual orientation: labels are an imprecise science. I call myself "gay", but "attracted to physical masculine features" would probably be more accurate - I've been attracted to a couple pre-op trans women before.

Obviously, trans women are women. And people with my experiences who call themselves bisexual are bisexual. But personally, my attraction to men is what's important to me, so I call myself gay.

About my romantic orientation: I'm aromantic and romance-repulsed. Yes, I'm a fan of romance novels, but I'm specifically a fan of the ones with a whole bunch of torture in them. Danmei is great.