#not that I object I love my Land Whales

[swan2swan]

Chaos Theory taking the baton from Camp Cretaceous: sauropods being dangerous.

[autisticlancemcclain]

“I know, buddy, I know.” Keith scratches behind his big dumb dog’s ears, pressing a million kisses to his forehead because he’s got Black to himself for the next day and there’s no one (Shiro) to clown him for it. Kosmo barks excitedly, wagging his floofy tail so fast it beats against the dashboard and system controls. Keith laughs, moving his scratching fingers down the wolf’s head and neck and to his back, where he likes to be scratched best.

“I know you’re hyper, huh?” he coos, blowing a raspberry. “But that’s what you get. You know you always get too excited when you hang out with Lance. You should have stayed with me.”

At the mention of the Red Paladin’s name, Kosmo starts howling, bounding out from Keith’s lap and tumbling to the floor, nails clacking against the metal as he flips around Black’s cockpit.

Keith huffs. “You raise a wolf from a pup, showering him in treats and affection, and you still fall second best to the first guy he meets who teaches him to fetch. Figures.”

It’s ridiculous, is what it is. Two straight years together on the space whale, but Kosmo lays eyes on Lance for one measly second and falls in love. He’s genuinely obsessed with the guy, and it doesn’t help that Lance is unbelievably smug about it, indulging Kosmo’s every whim and burst of affection just to grate on Keith. He has on twelve seperate occasions radioed the Black Lion to talk to Kosmo only, completely ignoring Keith.

“I can’t blame ya,” Keith says quietly. His voice is still a little teasing, still a little exasperated, but even he can hear the gooey fondness in it. “Lance is just that good, huh?”

Kosmo barks again, loud and fast, then flashes as he blips out of existence then back into existence right on Keith’s lap. Keith chokes as 200 pounds of floof is suddenly deposited on his person, but recovers quickly. (Kosmo will never remember that he is no longer a little puppy. Keith is just going to have to get used to having his lungs crushed.)

He starts to stroke Kosmo’s fur again, gently this time, calming him down.

“I should say something,” he says, more to himself than to his dog. “Ugh. I mean, it’s Lance, right? He’s my best friend. He’ll most definitely tease me, but he won’t, like, mock me or anything. He’s good like that. He knows exactly when to be serious, like during that last gala thing we had when we landed on a planet a while back. He just knew I was feeling off, just like that.”

Keith buried his face in Kosmo’s fur, hiding his smile. “He’s just…everything, you know? I’m always thinking about him. I have been for years. Hell, I talked about him so much on that stupid whale that you recognised him before you even met him, buddy. That’s objectively bonkers. But I can’t…” He sighs, leaning back in the pilot seat and staring unseeingly through the windshield. A red dot flashes gently at the bottom corner, but he pays it no mind.

“He’s sweet when no one’s looking. And even when people are looking, sometimes. And I’ll die before I even imply it in his direction, but he’s funny, too. And his fucking brain, dear God, that man could outwit anyone if he was under enough pressure. He saved our asses more than once when we were stumbling our way through this co-leading thing in the beginning. And anyone with eyes can tell that he’s hot.” Keith’s ears burn a little, thinking of the Coalition videos. “Seriously hot. And…leggy.”

He cracks up, embarrassed giggles bubbling up his throat. His next words are muffled by the hand he has pressed to his face. “God, I want him to fuck me up.”

Kosmo raises his head from where it was resting on Keith’s knee, staring at him in what Keith can only assume is judgment.

“Shut up,” Keith says hotly. “You once farted so loud you scared yourself and cried for ten minutes. You don’t get to judge me about being embarrassing.”

Keith is losing it. He is defending his character to a dog. He groans loudly, dragging his hand down his face.

“I should tell him, shouldn’t I,” he mutters. “Just — come out with it. ‘Leandro Esposita-McClain, I am in love with you.’ Straight to the point. Rip off the band-aid.”

Kosmo yips quietly. Keith snorts.

“Yeah, you’re right. That’s crazy. He’s my friend, I don’t want to ruin things. I’ll just suffer in silence the next time he looks at me and the fuckin’ sun bleeds into his eyes and makes them look like golden honey or whatever. Jesus.” He reaches for his book and props it open, muttering to himself. “It’s always the fuckin’ pretty ones that get me, huh?”

Kosmo barks loudly in what can only be agreement, and Keith scoffs, flicking him on the shout. “Yeah, yeah, you lug. Bug off with the teasing and let me read in peace, alright? I’ll tell him someday. He doesn’t need to know now.”

.

.

.

(A beep echoes through the Red Lion’s cockpit as her paladin slams on the ‘call end’ button, eyes wide and chest heaving, having listened curiously when he’d been radioed out of nowhere mid-conversation between the Bladk Paladin and his dog. And then listened in shock as the Black Paladin had brought up him. Brought up being in love with him, with his heart and his eyes and his legs, apparently.

Red blooms on his cheeks.)

———

based on this post by @petricorah

[sakurapika]

Supermarket Bouquet

A short story for Azurido Week

Theme: Roses

Word Count: 971 words

Summary: A certain octopus, who is both a businessman and a helpless romantic, takes a quick trip to the supermarket.

Please enjoy :)

No unnecessary purchases.

This was the ground rule Azul had set when he and the twins had first stepped into the supermarket. They were only there to buy a few emergency ingredients for tonight’s dinner rush. It was supposed to be short: in and out. Still, although he emphasized their goal multiple times on the commute there, he couldn’t guarantee that the Leech brothers remembered the original objective. 

He steered his shopping cart towards the spice aisle, catching a glimpse of Floyd filling his own with sugar cookies and macarons. Azul stopped to give him a disapproving glare.

“I just wanted--”

“No.”

“But they’re on sale--”

“No!”

“Whatever, man! I’m gonna pay for this with my own money, and I’m not gonna share.”

Azul simply let him be, wondering if his stress was getting to his head. Under normal circumstances, Azul would’ve been ecstatic that tonight was Valentine’s Day. Students would come flocking to the Mostro Lounge, begging to be squeezed in for reservations. Even better, they brought their significant others--fewer solo diners meant more available tables, and twice the customers! But word had gotten out that the Mostro Lounge was fully booked for the 14th of February, and so people had started booking for the weekends surrounding the holiday. As a result, there was already a shortage of spices, fruits, and seafood--and not enough time to order more from their usual suppliers. 

Therefore, just a few hours before the dinner opening hour, the three of them had set out off campus to buy their last-minute necessities.

Azul approached the spices and herbs, quickly gathering the best-looking peppers, rosemary, and bay leaves he could find. Everything on his list was accounted for. Knowing that Floyd was a helpless case, he moved on to find Jade. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the bouquets. 

Growing up in the Coral Sea, Azul had read about the landfolks’ traditions, including giving flowers to your beloved. He didn’t understand the appeal back then. His own home was in a considerably deep part of the sea, where sunlight scarcely reached the floor. Sure, when he swam up to the reefs to go to school, he did see beautiful plants, coral and sponges around, but they were just there. They were unremarkable.

And when he came to the land, he certainly was caught off-guard by the plants that grew up on the surface. The grass was greener. There were massive trees taller than whales. There were blossoms in every season in colors that were so crisp, so striking, they should’ve been forbidden. No wonder the landfolk liked to give their loved ones flowers on Valentine’s day. It was a reminder of how beautiful it was to be part of this world.

Azul lingered in the floral aisle, the sweet fragrance overwhelming his senses. After his transition to life on land, he had gotten used to flowers--or so he thought. He had eventually convinced himself of the reality: people didn’t really buy flowers on any occasions aside from birthdays, graduations, recitals, and Valentine’s Day. Other than that, it was no big deal. But now was the season, and suddenly everyone was scrambling to buy them. Of course, the supermarket would make this common commodity cost three times as much as usual. It was how the basic principle of supply and demand worked.

But, how beautiful they are! Azul gushed to himself, admiring the petals of the tulips, brushed in a soft blush, as well as the rich, regal purple of the orchids. I can’t justify buying this for myself, though. If only there was someone who loved flowers as much as I do…

Then he realized that this supermarket sold roses.

And suddenly, Azul was grinning like a madman, even laughing to himself, as he lifted the bouquets one by one, checking to see which roses had the reddest petals. He couldn’t stop thinking about it: What is he going to think? He would never expect this. He'd be so happy if I bought these for him out of the blue. Oh, I’m so generous, I’m so benevolent. I’m going to cast a spell on these flowers so he can look at them forever--

“I’m done,” Jade said, appearing with his cart of seafood, fruits, and an inconspicuous bag of shiitake mushrooms (which, for the record, weren’t on the list).

Azul scooped up the bouquet he was eyeing, the very best one. “Very well. Get your brother, and let’s get out of here.”

“Guys!” Floyd called from the checkout line, “I’m already here! Move it!”

They hurried to combine their groceries to be scanned, and Azul whipped out his credit card to pay for everything. 

Floyd pointed to the bouquet. “Um, that wasn’t on the list.”

“No. It wasn’t,” Azul remarked candidly, swiping his card.

Jade said, “Doesn’t that mean it’s an unnecessary purchase?”

“Oh, I assure you, everything I do is deliberate.”

He glanced at his watch--four o’clock already?! One more hour before the dinner time rush, and it took thirty minutes to get back on campus. The trio threw their groceries into their shopping bags, except for the roses, which Azul clutched to his chest to keep them from getting crushed. Even though they had to run to catch the bus, and there was so much to do before opening, he couldn’t stop thinking about Riddle. 

It didn’t matter that Riddle had grown up surrounded by roses--they grew around his childhood home, around his new school dorm, everywhere. He kept roses on his desk and pinned to his jacket. But he never failed to smile when he saw those bright petals or smelled its sweet fragrance. Riddle was in love with the ordinary, and Azul was in love with him. For Azul to see that everyday smile again, well, it was absolutely necessary. 

The End

[andmaybegayer]

Last Monday of the Week 2024-05-13

Monday the 13th

Listening: I've been playing a lot of Beat Saber so my beat saber tracks have been stuck in my head, most notably Weapon of Choice by Fatboy Slim.

Reading: About halfway through A Memory Called Empire, which is great. I love a fucked up huge space empire. I am forcing myself to internalize the pronunciation of the Teixcalaanli words because I know otherwise I would just silently read through them.

AMCE gets into it fast and throws a lot of political machination out at you which lands well, the vicarious experience of having to think on your feet about complex social protocol is a lot of fun, it's honestly a much better fit for books than, say, swordfighting.

Didn't take my book with me this morning and while flipping through my ebooks on my phone I noticed that my Google Books copy of Nona the Ninth had an update? there's a small play at the end of the book with Palamedes and Ianthe bargaining over Naberius Tern's body. Absolutely wild. Palamedes does a Phoenix Wright OBJECTION! shout. It's great.

Watching: Avatar 2: Way of Water. Hoo boy. I am so mixed on the Avatar movies. They're not very good, from a storytelling perspective, but they're so much fun to watch. Beautiful animation, lovingly thought through world and set design, hot cat people, and some of the worst narrative you've ever heard.

They're back because in the intervening 15 years from Avatar 1 the earth is now dying and they want to colonize Pandora? Sure, okay, but that's definitely sudden and weird. They're also still harvesting a valuable resource from Pandora, because otherwise they wouldn't be able to do the metaphor, but now it's whale oil that stops ageing. Great. Also it's now proven that even as far back as Avatar 1 it was totally possible to back someone's brain up to a flash drive, and they've resurrected the evil general from there.

Okay wait. They can back up your brain and put it into a lab grown catboy hybrid but we're also harvesting immortality whale oil? Surely we have already solved immortality in this setting. Just back up your brain!

There's also... the rest of the movie. Characters have such muddled motivations, why is this kid who was raised by the Na'vi and knows the general was a murderous bastard helping the murderous bastard brainclone. Why is Neytiri written to have no more than 12 seconds of foresight.

Look, I love the idea of Avatar. There are no doubt incredible lorebooks with details on all the animals and machines and cultures out there, I remember watching the Sideways video on the original designs for Na'vi music that got scrapped because it sounded too weird, I love a crazy xenobio worldbuilding project, it's just not a very good story.

Playing: Dark Souls, made it through the Four Kings and the Bed of Chaos, now I'm into the Catacombs. I will finish my video cuts at some point.

Making: Nothing much this week, small sewing repairs. I did not see much of the aurora, just some faint red skyglow on Friday evening, so no photography.

Tools and Equipment: If you forget to do something at work surprisingly often you can just tell someone "hey sorry I lost track of that" and they will not be that mad at you. but watch out.

[cryinglobster69]

A few of my favourite lines from Moby Dick. All by Ishmael unless otherwise mentioned.

———

How it is I know not; but there is no place like a bed for confidential disclosures between friends. Man and wife, they say, there open the very bottom of their souls to each other; and some old couples often lie and chat over old times till nearly morning. Thus, then, in our hearts' honeymoon, lay I and Queequeg—a cosy, loving pair.

We had lain thus in bed, chatting and napping at short intervals, and Queequeg now and then affectionately throwing his brown tattooed legs over mine, and then drawing them back; so entirely sociable and free and easy were we…

Queequeg was George Washington cannibalistically developed.

Flask, alas! was a butterless man!

All visible objects, man, are but as pasteboard masks. But in each event—in the living act, the undoubted deed—there, some unknown but still reasoning thing puts forth the mouldings of its features from behind the unreasoning mask. If man will strike, strike through the mask! How can the prisoner reach outside except by thrusting through the wall? To me, the white whale is that wall, shoved near to me. Sometimes I think there's naught beyond. But 'tis enough. He tasks me; he heaps me; I see in him outrageous strength, with an inscrutable malice sinewing it. That inscrutable thing is chiefly what I hate; and be the white whale agent, or be the white whale principal, I will wreak that hate upon him. - Ahab

Talk not to me of blasphemy, man; I'd strike the sun if it insulted me. - Ahab

The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails whereon my soul is grooved to run - Ahab

He lives on the sea, as prairie cocks in the prairie; he hides among the waves, he climbs them as chamois hunters climb the Alps. For years he knows not the land; so that when he comes to it at last, it smells like another world, more strangely than the moon would to an Earthsman. With the landless gull, that at sunset folds her wings and is rocked to sleep between billows; so at nightfall, the Nantucketer, out of sight of land, furls his sails, and lays him to his rest, while under his very pillow rush herds of walruses and whales.

The sea had jeeringly kept his finite body up, but drowned the infinite of his soul. Not drowned entirely, though. Rather carried down alive to wondrous depths, where strange shapes of the unwarped primal world glided to and fro before his passive eyes; and the miser-merman, Wisdom, revealed his hoarded heaps; and among the joyous, heartless, ever-juvenile eternities, Pip saw the multitudinous, God-omnipresent, coral insects, that out of the firmament of waters heaved the colossal orbs. He saw God's foot upon the treadle of the loom, and spoke it; and therefore his shipmates called him mad. So man's insanity is heaven's sense; and wandering from all mortal reason, man comes at last to that celestial thought, which, to reason, is absurd and frantic; and weal or woe, feels then uncompromised, indifferent as his God.

Come; let us squeeze hands all round; nay, let us all squeeze ourselves into each other; let us squeeze ourselves universally into the very milk and sperm of kindness.

In thoughts of the visions of the night, I saw long rows of angels in paradise, each with his hands in a jar of spermaceti.

It tasted something as I should conceive a royal cutlet from the thigh of Louis le Gros might have tasted, supposing him to have been killed the first day after the venison season…

This spade is sharp as hone can make it; the spademan's feet are shoeless; the thing he stands on will sometimes irresistibly slide away from him, like a sledge. If he cuts off one of his own toes, or one of his assistants', would you be very much astonished? Toes are scarce among veteran blubber-room men.

“No, no—no water for that; I want it of the true death-temper. Ahoy, there! Tashtego, Queequeg, Daggoo! What say ye, pagans! Will ye give me as much blood as will cover this barb?" holding it high up. A cluster of dark nods replied, Yes. Three punctures were made in the heathen flesh, and the White Whale's barbs were then tempered. “Ego non baptizo te in nomine patris, sed in nomine diaboli!" deliriously howled Ahab, as the malignant iron scorchingly devoured the baptismal blood.

(Translation, "Ego non baptizo te in nominee patris, sed in nominee diaboli": I baptize you not in the name of the Father, but in the name of the devil)

Is Ahab, Ahab? Is it I, God, or who, that lifts this arm? But if the great sun move not of himself; but is as an errand-boy in heaven; nor one single star can revolve, but by some invisible power; how then can this one small heart beat; this one small brain think thoughts; unless God does that beating, does that thinking, does that living, and not I. By heaven, man, we are turned round and round in this world, like yonder windlass, and Fate is the handspike. - Ahab

Thou canst blind; but I can then grope. Thou canst consume; but I can then be ashes. Take the homage of these poor eyes, and shutter-hands. I would not take it. The lightning flashes through my skull; mine eye-balls ache and ache; my whole beaten brain seems as beheaded, and rolling on some stunning ground. Oh, oh! Yet blindfold, yet will I talk to thee. Light though thou be, thou leapest out of darkness; but I am darkness leaping out of light, leaping out of thee! - Ahab

And at least one by Stubb, as an honorable mention: Thank him heartily; but tell him it's against my principles to drink with the man I've diddled.

[kmomof4]

small!

Thanks for playing, Kazzy!!!! I'm sorry it took me so long to answer... I kept forgetting! Now, thanks to your sprint game a couple of weeks ago, I have SIX WIPs!!!!! I've NEVER had that many at one time... I don't think... anyway, let's see how many you hit!

A Scoundrel... Or a Gentleman- CS fic coming soon, tentative drop date in early May, inspired by Francesca Bridgerton's story.

She wanted Killian to kiss her. She wanted Killian.

The knowledge was like a lightning bolt, electrifying her nerve endings and leaving her trembling in anticipation. She wasn’t supposed to want anyone. But Killian…

She waited for him to move. She could do nothing but moisten her lips and wait for him to move. Because she knew when he did, it would be perfection. 

And it was. 

He claimed her lips with his own and she melted into him. His hand found its way to the small of her back and while he didn’t pull her into him, the barest pressure was there and the distance between them slowly disappeared until she could feel the scrape of his evening clothes through the silk of her dressing gown.

The Arena- Werewolf fic for the @cssns dropping on July 3.

It was nearly a week later that he’d woken, according to his mother. She hadn’t been far behind him as he ran through the market and had seen what the shopkeeper had done. She was too late to do anything about her son’s hand, but she’d made sure the shopkeeper would never be capable of such cruelty again. A small dagger coated with aconite from the Monkshood plant leaving a scratch across his wrist was all it took to sentence the man to death before the sun set that same day.

Return to Me- Dracula inspired fic for the @cssns dropping on August 22.

“I am Killian Jones,” he said. His voice was low and rich and it wrapped around her like a warm blanket on a cold winter's night. “I am Lord of these lands, and you are my love. I’ve waited for you for 250 years.”

“What?!” she cried. His last words made her mind race back to Dr. Cassidy’s words earlier as she quickly put the pieces together. “Are you the vampire?” She couldn’t contain the horror in her voice or, she was sure, on her face. “The one Dr. Cassidy is here to kill? Oh, God! Are you here to kill me?” She pulled her legs toward her chest and scooted as close to the head of the bed as she could, trying to present as small a target as was possible.

“Never, my swan,” he assured her, gentle compassion beset on his features, his hand still outstretched, her superpower as silent as could be. “You are my bride. Returned to me. As promised.”

The Risk of Remembering- H/C fic that is at the bottom of the priority list, no matter what @snowbellewells and @jrob64 say... This is actually from the notes portion of the doc, but since the doc does have words, not just notes on it, I'll share them anyway.

Whale graduated med school, but decided to go back to school to be a vet instead. He cut Killian’s clothes off and Emma found a pair of sweatpants for him to wear but they’re a tad too small… Whale stitched him up- 10 stitches at his hairline, 3 on his cheek. He’s been unconscious for almost 24hrs.

The Rescue- fic inspired by the recent daring rescue of a female tractor trailer driver over the Ohio River when involved in an accident.

Nothing... sorry...

Killian (Indiana) Jones- a fic inspired by... three guesses and the first two don't count... Raiders of the Lost Ark.

The jungle dripped with humidity as the tall man who was undoubtedly the leader pushed through the next tangle of vines and branches on the way to a cave that held the object of his desire. 

Two men followed him- one plainly nervous, betrayed by the way his gaze darted around the jungle and the small flinches whenever the cries of animals concealed within the greenery reached them. The other was a native, and when the first man stopped for a moment, mopping his sweat covered brow, he approached with a chuckle. 

“Not used to the heat and humidity of Columbia, eh, Dr. Jones? Aren’t you glad you brought me along…” The smug smirk on his face made Dr. Killian Jones roll his eyes in response.

“I’m fine,” he deadpanned, “I can assure you. I’ve been in jungles far worse than this. You just stay close.”

Thanks again for playing!!

[queen-rainy-love]

The Revenge of the Captain Part 10

Let's go!

*The scene cuts to Black Pearl's treasure cave where Black Pearl (while holding Squid Ink) and Sorbet Shark were talking about what was going on. To say that Black Pearl was mad about her granddaughter being kidnapped was an...understatement.*

Black Pearl: *shouting at the top of her lungs* HOW DARE THOSE FILTHY PIRATES TOUCH MY PRECIOUS PEARL!!!! I WILL DROWN THEM ALL!!!!!! *Squid Ink starts to whimper* Don't worry my dear little one. Mama's not angry at you. She's just worried about your niece.

Sorbet Shark: Grandwa told me to find you but I don't know what they'll be doing.

Black Pearl: Abyss Monarch is most likely saving her. But if I know pirates...they're not going to stop. I need to sink them now.

???: I don't believe that is a good idea, my love.

*The duo looked over at the water entrance to see Abyss Monarch holding a cage that was filled with Bubble Pearl and a small child. Black Pearl's heart drops briefly as she quickly swims over to them. She places a hand on Abyss Monarch's face as they place the cage on the ground. Sorbet Shark quickly got on land and started picking the lock.*

Black Pearl: My love. My precious granddaughter. Are you all okay?

Abyss Monarch: We're fine. Just...*looks down*

Bubble Pearl: *steps out when the cage is opened* The captain who kidnapped me saw my mermaid form.

Black Pearl: Then they won't stop until they get their hands on you. You need to get out of here while I destroy that ship.

Bubble Pearl: No. Braised Abalone had those ships infused with a material that can't be broken.

Black Pearl: *freezes* What was that name?

Bubble Pearl: Braised Abalone?

Black Pearl: Abalone. I haven't heard that name in years. I didn't think his family would be foolish enough to make an attempt like this. *grips her trident tightly* I will not make the same mistake.

Abyss Monarch: My love. We can't just go and fight them without a plan. They have canons and nets stronger than before. If we charge ahead like that, we will get caught.

Bubble Pearl: Then we need something to distract them from your attack. I was bait to get you out. Then I can be bait for them this time.

Abyss Monarch: Even so, if that ship can't be broken, how do we fight them?

Sorbet Shark: OOOoooooO! *Jumps in the water.* I can go get pops and his crew! They might be close by.

Bubble Pearl: That's great! But do try to get them to take a different path so they can cut off Braised Abalone.

Abyss Monarch: Even with that Cookie's help, that ship might still be too much for Black Pearl and I.

Bubble Pearl: Maybe. But maybe with Squid Ink's help-

Abyss Monarch: They're a baby!

Black Pearl: A baby that can grow three times my size?

Abyss Monarch: Not the point! We are not letting our baby fight!

Squid Ink: ...Fight?

Abyss Monarch: No. No fight.

Squid Ink: Fight! Fight!

Bubble Pearl: You heard the baby. They're fighting with us.

Abyss Monarch: ...

Peppermint: We will still need some more help. We do need to overwhelm Braised Abalone. *blow their conch like a trumpet*

Sorbet Shark: Huh? *tilts head* What did that do?

Peppermint: This just sent out a little message to my whale friend. They should be able to help out.

Bubble Pearl: Perfect! And *looks at Abyss Monarch* we have no objections?

Abyss Monarch: ...If there's nothing I could do to change any of your minds...then only one objection. You'll need to wear something more comfortable.

[slapphapp1]

Space Puns Needed

Y'all, I now work at a place where I get to talk about space for my entire shift (I talk about planets, moons, the size difference between large celestial bodies, galaxies, stars, black holes, etc.) which I'm super stoked about. I love this job so much. The only thing is, I want to be funnier and include some jokes and puns and silly-goofy sayings into my presentations but I'm not a comedian so I need help coming up with some. (90% of the ones I've been saying have been stolen from my coworkers)

I've tried googling some but they're all just meh, I found a guy on Reddit that seemed super funny but I don't want to DM random Reddit users for their space puns cuz I feel like that's super weird

So if ANYONE has space puns or jokes or even weird space facts I want to hear them, PLEASE

So far I like joking about (I'll put it under the cut cuz there's kind of a lot):

Cassiopeia is the name of my cat which is why it's my favorite constellation (also that it's a lazy w, 3, or m, and it doesn't make sense that it's the queen of the mythical land of Ethiopia)

The Greeks weren't very good artists in the night sky (look at Canis Major vs Canis Minor, I like showing people just the outline of Canis Minor and having people guess what it's supposed to be)

The Andromeda Galaxy (or other very large objects) are larger than two football fields (this one kind of sucks but it gets some giggles sometimes)

If kids are naughty during the show, they'll get stolen by an eagle just like Ganymede (look up the constellation "Aquila")

How great (terrible) Zeus was

How much a tragedy the story of Cassiopeia, Cepheus, Andromeda, Cetus, Perseus, and Pegasus is (making light of the fact that Cassiopeia and Cepheus sacrificed Andromeda to the sea monster Cetus, which is supposed to be a whale but the Greeks didn't know what whales looked like so they drew it with claws and teeth, and then Perseus saved Andromeda for completely selfish reasons—so he could marry her)

Black holes are not cosmic vacuum cleaners

How terrible the name "Milkomeda" (the name for when the Milky Way and the Andromeda galaxies collide) is

We magnify the size of the planets to better see them sometimes and if you see the planets that big, you should run because it's the apocalypse

How bad scientists are at naming things (we're very literal) (e.g. Milkomeda, pulsars, dark matter/energy, the "cosmic web", most experiment names)

Not really a joke, more of a fun fact that the Pleiades star cluster in Japan is known as Subaru so when you're out driving and you see a Subaru car, this is where they got their name and logo.

PLUTO IS NOT A PLANET

We have a fun little graphic showing the size of everything in the solar system up to scale and at the end, the sun "turns into pac-man" and eats everything else (I always go "waka-waka" as it eats the planets)

If I mention Betelgeuse I like making a joke about the movie (if you say its name three times, nothing will happen

"I don't know about you, but I've never seen a bear with a long tail" (in reference to Ursa Major/Ursa Minor)

(Some lot of these I don't necessarily like talking about/saying/using because it can derail the conversation or scare the younger kids)

[kvb222-n11044144]

Week 5

One thing that really stood out to me in Barrambin Victoria Park was the sense of almost eerie vastness that came from the highly tended and manufactured landscape. It seemed as if it belonged in a picturesque animation or an industrial ‘utopia’ with everything so utterly controlled and guarded that it hardly seemed natural. Obviously it still was natural, as all the world is, but the textural smoothness and the vivid colouring combined with the sense of vastness that came from the mounding landscape made it seem dreamlike or imagined. Even the strangely deliberate placing of the plant life seemed dreamlike as if it existed in a subconscious that was only able to remember so many trees, and left blank areas where it couldn’t remember. It leant a sense of eeriness, but also a sense of wonderment and curiosity to the space for me.

Another major inspiration for me in the space was the lighting, and particularly the reflections. I loved how rough textures like worn down timber and banksia pods created really contrasting texture as the caught light on their edges but also cast themselves in dark shadows. I found it really lovely the way that the grevillea and other flowers were just slightly translucent, which allowed the sunlight to permeate them and light them as if from within. I was particularly drawn to the gum trees though and the way that a light grey or white tree could appear blue by reflecting the sky. It seemed like a way that the sky and the land were connecting and becoming one connected topography rather than two divided forces.

I experimented with the vast space, and different ways that I could use different colour and lighting to enhance the dreamlike sense that the landscape created in me.

My first experiment was using whales as a motif. I liked the idea of the rolling hills appearing like rolling waves for whales to dive in, and that that is a very dreamlike image, though it is also a fairly cliched image choice. After that I experimented with bubble forms in different colours. I like the way they seem reminiscent of the round hills, but also add an aspect of fun to the space. I also chose to use cyan, yellow and magenta for the spheres as I associate them with being the most fundamental and vibrant of colours, leaning into the idea of dreams gravitating to the known and the clear. I like the idea of these being made with a material of similar translucency to a flower, so that they would have an ethereal sense of light in them. I also like the idea that these could be used practically as a lasting object in the space, used for seating and with children

For my third and final experiment, I really wanted to lean on the idea of reflection. I really loved the blue gum idea, and I decided to experiment with combining that with the simplified yet very line-focussed works that I have been creating this semester. I experimented with ways to stylise a tree shape, and as I began to render it I found that I could create the illusion of the 'tree' literally fading into the sky and visually connecting the land and the sky. In practice, this would have to be made very large to work at multiple angles, but as a digital piece, it is really quite effective. It makes me wonder about the potential of augmented reality to expand spatial artworks beyond what can be achieved with materials, and whether that would take away from or add to the artwork's purpose as an experimentation with the dreamlike and the reflective.

One artist I found particularly interesting to investigate this week was Carlo Ratti with their piece Natural Capital. Natural Capital uses large, clear, bubble-like spheres suspended in a botanical garden to depict how much carbon dioxide each tree can absorb. It does this both by showing the number for the statistic on the spheres, and by changing the size of the spheres to literally represent how much space that carbon dioxide takes up in the world. This piece is both visually compelling, and conceptually rich. Ratti has a distinct interest in both architecture, and the digital world, and understanding how statistics and ideation can be manipulated through the digital world to create something beyond what was previously considered possible. This seems evident in Natural Capital as the spheres' suspension in the space seems almost unreal, as if belonging to a digital world rather than a 'real' world.

Carlo Ratti, Natural Capital (2021), Materials and dimensions not listed. Image source: https://www.archipanic.com/natural-capital-carlo-ratti/

I also found myself intrigued by the artist and architect Sou Fujimoto, with his work Forest of Light. This work makes use of bright and highly directional lights in an otherwise dark space, which create conical spotlights reminiscent of pine trees. In reading commentary on Fujimoto, it becomes clear that he has a fascination with the idea of flow, and the way that following principles of the organic in an urbanised setting can influence interactions with the space. He discusses the idea of 'New Geometry', a geometric approach to creation which is inspired by the flexibility and freedom or a forest. Forest of Light in particular leans on the motifs of an untouched organic world with very urbanised tools. It allows people to interact in the space and observe the meditative cycling of each light between light and dark, while also themselves influencing the ways that the light moves and falls by interfering using their own bodies. The way that this work is so reliant on the people and surroundings to meet its full potential is fascinating and somewhat poetic.

Sou Fujimoto, Forest of Light (2016), Light, dimensions not specified. Image source: https://archeyes.com/forest-light-sou-fujimoto/

McNulty-Kowal, S. (2021). This floating bubble visualization by Carlo Ratti emphasizes forestry by showing how much carbon dioxide each tree absorbs. Yanko Design. https://www.yankodesign.com/2021/07/06/this-floating-bubble-visualization-by-carlo-ratti-emphasizes-forestry-by-showing-how-much-carbon-dioxide-each-tree-absorbs/

Nuijsink, C. (2021). From ‘‘container’’ to ‘‘lifestyle:’’ Kazuyo Sejima, Sou Fujimoto and the destruction of the nuclear family box. Interiors, 11(2-3), 132-156. https://doi.org/10.1080/20419112.2021.1943190

Pješivac Ž. (2021). Architecture Of Creative Becomings: Sou Fujimoto. ODTÜ Mimarlık Fakültesi Dergisi, 38(1), 125–138. https://doi.org/10.4305/metu.jfa.2021.1.10

Ratti, C. (2019). A Living Architecture for the Digital Era. diségno, 1(4), 177-188. https://doi.org/10.26375/disegno.4.2019.17

[grad604ethangeers]

20 Objects that are meaningful to you:

Guitar

My guitar is important to me because it is my creative outlet that has no restrictions or rules. I find music to be one of the best ways to explore my creativty in a free, open way without feeling pressure or stress. I started playing guitar when I was 13 and it has always played an important part in my life.

Amplifier

My amplifier is aesthetically one of my favourite componants to my musical setup. The vintage look and feel is beautiful to me and actually helps to drive my creativity and musical themes when I’m playing.

Loop Pedal

The loop pedal I own is probably one of the more useful pieces of technology that I own. This allows me to practice, write and perform music by myself with layers and rythem where I would otherwise need a band or collaboration with other musicians.

Painting of angel pissing

This painting was given to me on my 21st birthday by a popular NZ artist who was displaying work in my parents art gallery. It is one of my favourite pieces of art because of the loose style, use of colours and the sense of humour which really speaks to my own sense of humour.

‘Bernard’ my indoor plant

A fairly new addition to my room, Bernard has been an important part in my room feeling happier and healthier. My brother first spoke to me about how having a plant in his room helped his mental health and helped his room to feel like a better, more positive place to be. After he told me this, I adopted Bernard from a garden store and ever since I have found more love for my bedroom.

My Hei-tiki

My Hei-tiki (Maori pendant) was given to me by my auntie when I was 18 and was blessed by a Maori sculpture in my parents Art Gallery. It represents the meeting of the sea and the land, with one side being made of whale bone and the other side being made of wood.

The metal sculpture of guy playing guitar

This is one of the older items on my tallboy in my room which was given to me on my 10th birthday by my parents. It was one of the original inspirations for my to learn guitar and become a rockstar.

Watch from my grandfather

This watch is from my grandfather and was engraved with my name by him before he passed away. It has been a part of my life for over 20years and is a reminder to stay strong and connected to my family whenever I look at it.

Tim Burton poetry book

My Tim Burton poetry book really inspires my sense of humour and I read at least one poem from it a day to help keep humour on the forefront of how I view the world.

Orange Chair

Another element I got from my grandfather, this was the chair he sat in every day whilst working at his desk at home as a jeweller. I sit in it at home when I’m working on design and creativity and it helps me feel inspired and connected to my grandfather.

Car keys

My car keys represent my freedom. Having a car is one of the biggest changes I experienced in life that pushed me from feeling like a teenager to feeling like an adult. My keys help my feel free and autonomous.

Sampa the Great Vinyl

The first vinyl I ever bought, this was my introduction to Hip-Hop music and a massive diversion from the music I listened to when I was younger and the journey I went on when I turned 21 into more pop-style music.

My Apple Pencil

My Apple Pencil has been an important element in fuelling my creative outlet of art and design, allowing more ease and freedom with being creative and drawing. I use my Apple Pencil every day on my IPAD and without it, I feel almost as though I am missing a limb.

Tetris Light

This modular tetris neon light is something that I use to exercise my creativity and problem solving ability. Each element can be moved and connected in different ways to create different shapes. This helps me do a mental workout and explore different ways of connecting the same shapes to create different shapes and balance.

Football

Physical exercise is important to me and is also something I fight with and struggle to get inspired about. Football is one way I can channel my love for sport and exercise into a more accessible way to get out of the house and be active.

[mibads]

Predicted Oscars odds

My friend likes to lean on me to give him predictions for his betting pool, usually just for free drinks, but with this year being seemingly as open-ended as it is and with him being especially 538/stats-driven, thought I’d return to attempt to do something of a statistical breakdown of the odds of the winner in each category based on an amorphous and deeply unscientific/unserious combination of perceived buzz, narrative, precursor prizes and general gut intuition — although with my attempt to inject some semblance of objectivity into it, some of my predictions are not necessarily those I’m assigning the highest likelihood to win (I’ll put a ⭐️ next to each of my predicted guesses); but even in that case, I should theoretically be predicting more “upsets” to happen than I am, and there should be at least a handful of contenders seen as third or lower that can take a win.

I’ve tried this in the past, and things I’ve considered between 0-1% chance of winning (in this post signified by “>1%”) has won before — that being Ex Machina��in Visual Effects. And I think I might have given Moonlight something like a 1 or 2% chance of beating La La Land, although that was the only alternative in the category I had of any statistical likelihood of winning. Which is all to say, please don’t treat this with any authority. 

Odds (as defined by myself) are below the cut.

Picture:

Everything Everywhere All at Once - 75% ⭐️

All Quiet on the Western Front - 14% 

The Banshees of Inisherin - 4%

Top Gun: Maverick - 3%

Elvis - 2%

The Fabelmans - 2%

Avatar: The Way of Water - >1%

Tár - >1%

Triangle of Sadness - >1%

Women Talking - >1%

Directing:

Daniels, Everything Everywhere All at Once - 89% ⭐️

Steven Spielberg, The Fabelmans - 5%

Todd Field, Tár - 4%

Martin McDonagh, The Banshees of Inisherin - 2%

Ruben Östlund, Triangle of Sadness - >1%

Actress in a Leading Role: 

Michelle Yeoh, Everything Everywhere All at Once - 50% ⭐️

Cate Blanchett, Tár - 48%

Andrea Riseborough, To Leslie - 2%

Ana de Armas, Blonde - >1%

Michelle Williams, The Fabelmans - >1%

Actor in a Leading Role:

Austin Butler, Elvis - 54% ⭐️

Brendan Fraser, The Whale - 41%

Colin Farrell, The Banshees of Inisherin - 5%

Paul Mescal, Aftersun - >1%

Bill Nighy, Living - >1%

Actress in a Supporting Role: 

Angela Bassett, Black Panther: Wakanda Forever - 36%

Kerry Condon, The Banshees of Inisherin - 32% ⭐️

Jamie Lee Curtis, Everything Everywhere All at Once - 25%

Stephanie Hsu, Everything Everywhere All at Once - 5%

Hong Chau, The Whale - 2%

Actor in a Supporting Role: 

Ke Huy Quan, Everything Everywhere All at Once - 91% ⭐️

Barry Keoghan, The Banshees of Inisherin - 7%

Brendan Gleeson, The Banshees of Inisherin - 2%

Brian Tyree Henry, Causeway - >1%

Judd Hirsch, The Fabelmans - >1%

Adapted Screenplay:

Women Talking - 54% ⭐️

All Quiet on the Western Front - 46%

Living - >1%

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery - >1%

Top Gun: Maverick - >1%

Original Screenplay:

Everything Everywhere All at Once - 55% ⭐️

The Banshees of Inisherin - 41%

Tár - 4%

The Fabelmans - >1%

Triangle of Sadness - >1%

Animated Feature: 

Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio - 93% ⭐️

Marcel the Shell with Shoes On - 4%

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish - 3%

The Sea Beast - >1%

Turning Red - >1%

International Feature: 

All Quiet on the Western Front - 94% ⭐️

Argentina, 1985 - 2%

Close - 2%

EO - 2%

The Quiet Girl - >1%

Documentary Feature:

Navalny - 47% ⭐️

Fire of Love - 42%

All the Beauty and the Bloodshed - 8%

All That Breathes - 3%

A House Made of Splinters - >1%

Cinematography: 

All Quiet on the Western Front - 63% ⭐️

Elvis - 29%

Tár - 6%

Bardo, False Chronicle of a Handful of Truths - 2%

Empire of Light - >1%

Production Design: 

Babylon - 55% ⭐️

Elvis - 34%

All Quiet on the Western Front - 8%

Avatar: The Way of Water - 3%

The Fabelmans - >1%

Costume Design: 

Elvis - 71% ⭐️

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever - 15%

Everything Everywhere All at Once - 9%

Babylon - 5%

Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris - >1%

Makeup and Hairstyling: 

Elvis - 53% ⭐️

The Whale - 35%

All Quiet on the Western Front - 10%

The Batman - 2%

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever - >1%

Visual Effects:

Avatar: The Way of Water - 95% ⭐️

All Quiet on the Western Front - 3%

Top Gun: Maverick - 2%

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever - >1%

The Batman - >1%

Film Editing: 

Everything Everywhere All at Once - 65% ⭐️

Top Gun: Maverick - 31%

Elvis - 4%

Tár - >1%

The Banshees of Inisherin - >1%

Sound: 

Top Gun: Maverick - 54% ⭐️

All Quiet on the Western Front - 34%

Elvis - 10%

Avatar: The Way of Water - 2%

The Batman - >1%

Original Score: 

Babylon - 46%

All Quiet on the Western Front - 36% ⭐️

The Fabelmans - 11%

Everything Everywhere All at Once - 7%

The Banshees of Inisherin - >1%

Original Song: 

RRR (“Naatu Naatu”) - 74% ⭐️

Top Gun: Maverick (“Hold My Hand”) - 13%

Everything Everywhere All at Once (“This Is a Life”) - 9%

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (“Life Me Up”) - 4%

Tell It Like a Woman (“Applause”) - >1%

Animated Short:

The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse - 33%

My Year of Dicks - 29% ⭐️

Ice Merchants - 24%

An Ostrich Told Me the World Is Fake and I Think I Believe It - 12%

The Flying Sailor - 3% 

Documentary Short: 

The Elephant Whisperers - 46% ⭐️

Stranger at the Gate - 33%

How Do You Measure a Year? - 14%

Haulout - 4%

The Martha Mitchell Effect - 3%

Live Action Short: 

Le Pupille - 31%

An Irish Goodbye - 28% ⭐️

The Red Suitcase - 24%

Ivalu - 11%

Night Ride - 6%

Statistics

Highest Likelihoods to win (70%+):

Visual Effects - Avatar: The Way of Water - 95%

International Feature - All Quiet on the Western Front - 94%

Animated Feature - Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio - 93%

Actor in a Supporting Role - Ke Huy Quan, Everything Everywhere All at Once - 91%

Directing - Daniels, Everything Everywhere All at Once - 89%

Picture - Everything Everywhere All at Once - 75%

Original Song - RRR (“Naatu Naatu”) - 74%

Costume Design - Elvis - 71%

Tightest Races (top options within 10%):

Actress in a Leading Role - Michelle Yeoh, Everything Everywhere All at Once vs. Cate Blanchett, Tár (2% difference)

Live Action Short: Le Pupille vs. An Irish Goodbye vs. The Red Suitcase (3%-7% difference)

Actress in a Supporting Role - Angela Bassett, Black Panther: Wakanda Forever vs. Kerry Condon, The Banshees of Inisherin vs. Jamie Lee Curtis, Everything Everywhere All at Once (4%-7% difference)

Animated Short: The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse vs. My Year of Dicks vs. Ice Merchants (4%-5% difference) 

Documentary Feature: Navalny vs. Fire of Love (5% difference)

Adapted Screenplay: Women Talking vs. All Quiet on the Western Front (8% difference) 

Original Score: Babylon vs. All Quiet on the Western Front (10% difference) 

Most Vulnerable Frontrunners Outside of Tightest Races (Below 70% likelihood*): 

Documentary Short: The Elephant Whisperers - 46%

Makeup and Hairstyling - Elvis - 53%

Actor in a Leading Role - Austin Butler, Elvis - 54%

Sound - Top Gun: Maverick - 54%

Original Screenplay - Everything Everywhere All at Once - 55%

Production Design - Babylon - 55%

(*tiebreakers based on margin of top two contenders)

[stored-away]

Storage is everything and it can represent everything, the ultimate symbol of our desire to compartmentalize chunks of our existence into meaning . . .

This constant compartmentalization is part of the reason why I struggled so much with my microcosm of an introductory text I was originally assigned and sort of spun my take on without inquiring more on how I should approach it. There are so many themes in our exhibit alone. My mind wanted the certainty of narrowing it down into just one perception, of storage as a story. I was being rather limiting and didn't really elaborate on how and what these stories are. I grasp the silliness of this - I've come to realize storage is an all-encompassing force of our beings that it cannot possibly be limited in just one metaphor.

The themes displayed in the finalized introductory text are representative of the diverse and constantly unfolding stories of our exhibit. They are a reminder that storage holds endless archaic possibility to unite us.

To me, it comes down to intention . . . to make a conscious choice to store something. A set vision to reposit the tangible due to my direct interconnection to that memory, to that object, to the atomic form I wish to hold onto and become one with, even for a moment.

I am very much a nomad (I'm always carrying a bunch of stuff, maybe excessively so. Half of it I definitely don't need.). Once I leave my dorm for the day, I am traveling from location to location. What I store is an extension of myself, the artifacts spilling out of my bag when I'm rummaging to find something is to some degree, an image of me. It makes me feel secure to have my most important belongings on me at all times, even if I'm not going to realistically use it anytime soon . . . like my passport, or a bunch of small trinkets. It is comforting to know it is with me.

Within storage, there is a lot of uncertainty . . . where is this *insert specific object I am emotionally attached to and have in mind* stored? How long will I be able to preserve it? What is the most secure way I can co-exist with what I am storing?

Mitski's album "The Land Is Inhospitable And So Are We" comes to mind. She speaks on the "The Unknowable Known of Love", and the fragility of storage: "when she closes her eyes and thinks about what’s truly hers," she contemplates, "what can’t be repossessed or demolished."

I resonate with her vulnerability. There are many unknowns, like the destructive potential of the sun. Or the mass extinction of technological forms. Yet there is one known in the instrumentation that what is stored is more than likely done so with comfort -- with intention.

And it is this known sense of love sealed with whale oil and stored in a Norweigan forest and angelically guarded by us in technoarcheology (re: Digital Dark Ages) that bring us back, that infinitely resurrect us.

What does storage mean to you?

[applebandito]

100% Kingdom Hearts 1 (Day 2)

Current Targets: Speedster Unchanging Armor Undefeated

It took some waffling around to remind myself the whole needing to return to Traverse Town to let Cid install the navigation Gummi so I wound up tickling Cerberus in the Colosseum. But I finally made it to the land of Aladdin and I’m starting to really feel the lack of power in the starting equipment to the point that I’m running from fights when I can.

I continued to push as much as I could and ran directly into the final Jafar fight and discovered my first death. I was assured that loading the game would suffice and I wouldn’t invalidate the Undefeated achievement. This is when I discovered to my horror, my save was from Deep Jungle before I did just about everything.

I curled into a small ball and took a few deep breaths as pain entered my body. But the bright side was all the wandering around meant I could shorten my time and give myself potentially precious minutes on the speed run. I sped as speedily as my thumbs dared, skipping over levels in favor of giving myself as much spare time as I want.

After I slapped Jafar for acting the mickey, I took a stroll over to get deep throated by a whale. Within I found a man obsessed with his little wooden boy and a lot of cases of indigestion. Monstro was fortunately not difficult to overcome outside of Goofy and Donald getting roflstomped at every corner. We made it past and finally came to Halloween Town.

Finally, some delicious fucking food. I loved this place as a kid and as an adult, I still really enjoy it. I think everyone’s Halloween forms are adorable and the whole aesthetic of the place is wonderful. Frankly I’m still surprised this made it into the game despite being neither a Final Fantasy nor a Disney production. Perhaps Sony owns it? I was never clear on this part. I was just happy to have this portion of my childhood here.

The lack of upgrades that I can equip, however, is making this quite the grind. I’m very nervous for Hollow Bastion and End of the World. There is one thing here in Halloween Town that is twisting my nips. I have to clear rooms often to get to the next portion of an area due to the fact that there are no doors in some areas and instead an intractable object that gets to you to the next location.

On a normal playthrough, whatever, you ding some heartless and you’re laughing; however in this playthrough I’m using a pool noodle to fight God so it’s difficult to get those places cleared up and making this portion of the run grind. I’ve come too far, however, to give up and stand around for 100 hours. We’re making decent time.

I finally cracked the world and defeated Boogie after dying to the roulette table bit and his illegitimate children. It was at this point I continued forward only to wrap all the way around to Atlantica. I noped the hell out of there though and saw that Neverland wasn’t showing up for some reason. I took the trip between Atlantica and Halloween Town again and found that nothing happened.

I was baffled. Surely I didn’t have to do anything in Atlantica. I pleaded on my hands and knees. That’s when I read that Hook’s Ship (which takes you to Neverland) has a 30% chance of appearing if you only complete either Halloween Town or Atlantica and 100% if you complete both. I did the only thing I could do at this point.

I traveled back and forth between the two places because there’s no fucking way I’m dicking around unda da sea where the controls are at their worse. On the fifth try Hook decided to snatch me up and put me in jail. I fought my way to my first save and decided that was enough for the day. I’d pick this up later after I’d had enough alcohol to deal with the further horrors.

Completed 8 of 56: From Rags to Riches Magic Lamp Honest Soul Pumpkin Prince Flying Ace

[drunk-poets-society]

If I was an immortal I would simply walk into the ocean, and then come back after a few decades or centuries having explored all of it, and befriending all the creatures of The Deep

[newtrekcriticisms]

This is going to be a bit long, and I apologise for that.

I’m seeing lots of people saying they’re tired of people calling SNW Spock “straight”. Consequentially, I am tired of people acting like there is no valid criticism to be made about SNW Spock’s bizarre hypersexualised relationships with women. But let’s focus on the former complaint for a moment.

Mostly, I’m seeing the position that those who are unhappy with how Spock’s relationships with women are being depicted are being biphobic; the implication being that Spock has demonstrated attraction to both women and men, and that him liking women should not erase his attraction to men, and that Spock should be allowed to love whomever he loves. And that would be a very valid and important criticism, something which I myself would stand by. Except for the fact that nowhere in all of Star Trek has Spock actually been depicted as being attracted to men.

I realise that what I just said could be equally provoking to both sides of this ongoing debate, so let me make some things very clear. I need all of us to admit that we understand that Spock, in any iteration, was never actually gay. He has never actually been, at any point, canonically attracted to men. I know we believe that he is. I know Spock’s sexuality—not his orientation, but his relationship to romance and sex as whole—has been depicted rather vaguely since TOS, and I know we as LGBT people therefore feel, some of us very strongly, that he is even coded as gay. We’ve seen all the iconic moments: we all saw the Search for Spock and the one with the whales. And we should all understand that interpreting Spock’s relationship with Kirk through a romantic lens is a thoroughly valid reading of their relationship. But we also need to understand that mlm Spock is only true in our heads, in our stories and art. Yes, people have been exploring the relationship between Kirk and Spock in a romantic way since the 1960s, as was the dawn of fandom culture. No, that does not make it anymore real. To the writers of Star Trek, from the 60s to now, the iconic character of Spock is, has been, and always will be understood to be heterosexual. I need everyone to take a step back, be objective, and really recognise that. We can argue day and night about intentions and subtext and implications but when it comes down to it Spock is not actually an LGBT character. He just isn’t. Anyone who says otherwise is living in Cloud Cuckoo Land.

Understanding that, we can understand, then, that Spock has only ever been canonically depicted as being attracted to women. In TOS, these moments were sparse, light, one-off romance plots and usually came down to either Spock’s utter indifference or his duty to the Enterprise coming before personal relationships. In SNW, it is a whole new breed of animal. But my point is, there exists no logical grounds upon which to claim that Spock is canonically bisexual. He has only exhibited canonical attraction to women, and his attraction to men only exists in the popular conception of one specific group of Star Trek fans. The size and passion and hopes of this group is irrelevant. Spock is not canonically mlm. Spock is not canonically bisexual. A belief, no matter how strongly held, is not reality.

Therefore, objecting to valid criticisms of SNW Spock’s repeated ooc sexual and physical encounters with T’Pring and Chapel on the basis of biphobia is invalid. There is no actual bisexuality being erased here. I need people to understand that.

To be clear, I do think some people objecting to SNW Spock’s relationships with women are not doing so in good faith. I do believe that some of these people are objecting because they are misogynistic, or think Spock needs to be seen as a “gold star” gay, and are ultimately only objecting because they feel their “ship” is threatened by T’Pring or Chapel merely existing and playing out the scripts that were written for them. I have even seen this fearmongering extend to Uhura in some particularly vile instances of misogynoir. To these people, the “sanctity” of their gay ship is their only concern. I would like to state that I do not align myself with these people, and rather condemn them for their blatant fetishisation and intolerance. Those displaying this sort of behaviour are not allowed to use this post as a shield.

But I digress. My point is that someone taking issue with SNW Spock’s bizarre ooc hypersexual relationships with women on account of them being bizarre, ooc, and hypersexual is not biphobia. Calling SNW Spock “straight” is not biphobia, either. As we have established, Spock is not canonically bisexual. SNW Spock is, very much, being depicted as straight. And in a overwhelming, almost disturbing way.

Now if somewhere down the line Strange New Worlds decided to make Spock canonically attracted to men, i.e. bisexual, I need it to be understood that I would absolutely lose my mind. I cannot think of anything the show could do that would make me happier than that. And I have seen some poor souls who are excited for Kirk to appear in season 2, because they believe something resembling Spirk is going to happen. But in our second reality check for this essay, we need to understand that the chances of that happening—that is, the chances of Spock being depicted as LGBT in any way—is, put gently, extremely, extremely unlikely. Put harshly, it is never going to happen, ever.

And there is a reason why it is never going to happen, ever. The reason is homophobia. I’ve stated a few times before that Spock, even more so than Kirk, is the Star Trek franchise’s golden boy. He is the iconic character to end all iconic characters. There is absolutely no way in hell that the powers that be at Star Trek will ever allow Spock to be depicted as LGBT in any way, shape, or form. They would upset and alienate cishet viewers, which is important to them, and they could possibly lose money, which is even more important to them. In short, the powers that be at Star Trek will never allow Spock to be depicted as LGBT because they are homophobic. They don’t believe in gay Spock. They have no reason to. They don’t subscribe to the interpretation and it therefore doesn’t matter to them. I would venture to say that some if not most of them would react to the idea of gay Spock with confusion at best and disgust at worst. It’s important to recognise that outside of the Spirk circle, nobody knows, or let alone cares, about Spirk.

And, to be clear, “Spock” was only dragged back onto the silver screen in the first place to be paraded in front of the camera so that everyone would say, “Omg Spock!!!!” and thus attract masses of fans who otherwise might not have cared or bothered to watch some mediocre sci-fi show, but now will because, as I said, “Omg Spock!!!!” They chose him as a safe option to draw in viewers. They are not going to let him be gay.

And by god, if anything supports this claim, it is the very specific and intentional way in which Spock’s relationships with women are being depicted. I’ll reiterate that attraction to and sex with women does not in any way preclude Spock from also being attracted to men, but as we’ve established, they are not going to let him be attracted to men canonically. And as I’ve stated in previous posts, there are no good, inclusive intentions here with the way Spock’s relationship with T’Pring is being portrayed. SNW Spock’s heterosexuality—and yes, it is heterosexuality—is intimately portrayed, aggressively asserted, and dominates the character’s entire arc. Not one single character in the show deals with the topic or action of sex more than Spock. Not only that, but the writers went out of their way to deliberately and knowingly transgress established TOS canon specifically to bring T’Pring into the picture. Specifically so that they could depict her and Spock having sex and kissing and being in a very overt, central, and very sexual relationship. SNW Spock’s relationship with T’Pring is, in a word, purposeful. The writers are communicating something to us through the constant fucking. They are reminding us what Spock is. Spock is straight.

Again, these writers do not value or care about LGBT readings of Star Trek. They don’t care what Spock means to the LGBT community. They’re not even altogether concerned with keeping Spock in character for these recurring sexual and romantic escapades. To them, it doesn’t matter how out of character it is for Spock of all fucking people to be smashing puss every other night. The writers are demonstrably doing everything in their power to assert that Spock is a heterosexual. Not secretly bi, not secretly gay. Not questioning, not closeted. They are not leaving room for any interpretation here, and they are doing so deliberately. The whole thing reeks of desperation in a really weird way.

Of course, I have no evidence that can conclusively say that yes, the reason they’re making Spock have so much straight sex on screen is to dissuade people from seeing him as gay. This is just an opinion piece, not a peer-reviewed investigation, and I am just an armchair critic. But speaking from my armchair, I simply cannot come up with any other explanation for why, out of the blue and wildly out of character, Spock is being depicted in this way. I don’t know why Spock’s storylines would revolve around sex in the extremely obtrusive way that it does. I don’t know why this is what they decided to do with this legacy character, who previously had next to nothing to do with sex with the sole exception of Amok Time, which was a once every 7 years thing. As I’ve indicated, this is Spock we’re talking about. The iconic character to end all iconic characters. Star Trek’s golden boy. And this is what they decide to do with him? Of all the things they could have possibly done? It’s borderline inexplicable. What is presented in the paragraphs above is only my best attempt at an explanation. It’s one that I think makes sense, but only the writers of Strange New Worlds truly know what their intentions are with Spock.

In summary, Spock’s hypersexualised relationships with women on Strange New Worlds is a valid cause for criticism. It is not biphobic to be confused, disappointed, or upset about Spock’s depiction on SNW, as Spock is not and was never canonically mlm, and the writers very clearly would like us to remember that. Of course, I say fuck them. I’ll continue to enjoy Nimoy’s Spock as preserved in TOS, and I’ll continue interpreting him as gay because it’s what I personally believe. You too can continue to have whatever headcanons or theories you have about Spock’s sexuality, even on SNW, and what his future on that show might entail. You can even continue rooting for SNW Spirk in season 2 if you want (although I would ask you if you really think Ethan Peck and Paul Wesley can really give you anything half as heartfelt and touching as Spock and Jim’s interactions in the TOS movies, and if it’s really worth caring about, but that’s just me).

Ultimately Spock’s portrayal in SNW is divisive, and people are probably never going to agree whether his sexually charged plotlines are right or wrong, in character or out of character. But I hope we can at least understand after all these paragraphs that slinging accusations of biphobia against those attempting to address this issue is uncalled for. The issue lies not in the possibility that Spock could be bisexual rather than gay, but in the fact that the writers would clearly have us understand he is neither. That’s what I’m upset about.

[llamagoddessofficial]

Hey Llama! Hope you are well! Love the new AU like always. I wanted to ask do other magical beings know to steer clear of mc whose unaware their being courted by 3 forest gods? Like is there a sign saying that's my wife no touchy or die kinda of thing. Genuinely curious

(<3 ;;w;;)

It’s complicated- both yes and no. Forest Gods are kinda like... the top of the food chain, in terms of fae; think of it like a combination between an orca and a blue whale. Gentle giants beloved by all, sure- but also everything avoids angering them/steers out of their line of fire, because they’re immensely scary and powerful.

It’s yes and no because a Forest God’s attention would attract fae to her. She’s an object of interest, now... it would also depend on which territory she found herself in. In Sans’ forest, she might get some creatures following her, less intelligent buglike faeries landing in her hair or on her shoulders. Sans is a lot more trusted by his forest, a lot more in tune... his fae understand him and know what would constitute ‘too far’ in his eyes. It’s extremely rare for fae to anger him because they trust him, and are careful to respect him.

Red, on the other hand... his temper is notorious, and his attachment to the human world has slightly unbalanced his relationship with the fae. He’s still a Forest God but he’s a bit harder to understand, fae would follow her but definitely keep their distance.

Fae avoid Skull like the plague. The only magickal creatures that inhabit his swamp are will-o-wisps.