#not quite sute how to tag that but judt be careful if it upset you

[marinbel]

Misfortune Runs Through My Mind

So... I missed the first day, but I'ma be pretty busy with school this week so I'll only be able to do a couple of the angst week days. But I mean... I live and breathe angst, so I had to attempt something. :3

One reason I loved season 6 so much is it gives so much good opportunity for Jay angst. So yup, that's what I got for today's topic:

Nightmare

Rated T for some torture mentions

Words: 761 (medium length drabble)

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Like most nights nowadays, Jay awoke in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. Shooting up in bed, he's desperately gripping to his worn out blue t-shirt trying to breathe but not hyperventilate.

It's a lot harder to do than Jay first realizes.

His lungs feel constricted, but he already took his binder off for the night. Using his other hand, he pushes his messy and damp bangs out of his face, almost like a last resort to find air.

A last resort.

It jabs into Jay's stomach much like the butt of Doubloon's staff. He flinches instinctively. But the memory of the tiger widow venom, being cornered by the pirates, and holding Nya's cold, dead body was enough to jolt him out of bed at 3:16 am.

He needed fresh air.

With shaky hands, Jay carefully climbed down his bunk as to not wake the others around him. Maybe he stumbled for a moment or two, he wasn't all that sure actually. His mind was swarming with that maniacal laugh and the blade edging closer and closer to his left eye... The way he would spit up blood in his cell after a particularly rough Scrap 'n Tap or the way his arm was ripped from the socket for not cleaning the deck thoroughly enough that evening or the way --

Jay stops himself there. Shivers race up his back and he doesn't want to dwell any longer on that last memory.

He misses the way Cole stirs in the bunk below him or the way he sits up to watch Jay leave the bedroom. He misses the way Cole contemplates following after him and eventually deciding to give Jay space. He misses the way Cole aches knowing something is dragging his best friend deeper and deeper into his own inner darkness and not being able to do anything about it.

Because he's groping the wall of the hallway to escape the way his lungs are collalsing in on him.

When Jay stumbles out onto deck, his breath is unsteady and he crashed into the railing keeping him from plummetting down into the heart of Ninjago City underneath the clouds.

He pinches his eyes shut. He doesn't want to think about being in the sky.

Tears prickle at the corner of his eyes and some even dare roll down his cheeks. He uses the back of his hand to wipe furiously at them at first, but he's quick to give that up.

"Do you're worst. I'm not making my last wish..."

Another shudder. He can hear that damn djinn's laughter again, the way it bellows, the way it slithers into every crevice of his mind and body.

"My... So we haven't broken your spirit just yet. No worries; I sincerely doubt it'll be around by morning."

Jay's trying to breathe in deeply -- try and take slow, stable breaths, he hear's Zane remind him in his mind to combat his panic attacks. But his knees are buckling together and his knuckles are turning white against the railing and his heart is nearly about to beat right out of his chest.

He hates how Nadakhan is still able to torture him from a whole different timeline. He hates how weak he is to let these constant terrors plague his mind and dictate his life. He hates how he can't gain the courage to tell anyone the full truth.

Because not even Nya knows the full truth of everything that happened when he was kidnapped by Nadakhan. And he's terrified of what she would think of him if she knew. It petrifies him to think about how any of them would react.

So he keeps it to himself. It's eating away at him, clawing away at that forced smile and tearing apart his positive demeanor... But no one can know.

He covers his mouth with his hand. He hopes no one can hear him. He doesn't want to have to explain. He's learned over time how to silence his sobs. For better or for worse, it's a skill he's picked up from his youth.

"Now come on... Let me hear you sing, Canary..."

He falls to his knees. Nadakhan still patronizes him, still poking and prodding at everything he does.

A wise man would know he probably needed help with coping and healing. Unfortunately, Jay wasn't that wise man. So here he stayed for who knows how long, having to accept the fact that tomorrow night he'd be met with the same trauma playing in his head all over again.