#not one of them deserves it and does anithing to make them happy

[trafficpan-ic]

You make me do TOO MUCH LABOUR

[dumbbitchfrommars]

i wanted to die at one point in my life. i wanted to watch as the blood dripped from the endless cuts i put on my own body, i wnted to see how mny i could fit on the areas of my body that werent visible because i wanted that private pain because i always knew the complete hypocrisy and idiocy of being suicidal and making it a caricature for the world to see.

its why i felt so stupid going to a psychologist that i seeked out for myself, every week, filling in that stupid sheet and downplaying my true feelings because it seemed so redundant to say i was depressed and anxious and having suicidal thoughts when i clearly desired to live enough to tell someone and try get help for it. but somehow i still wanted those things too. and i was invalidating myself by thinking the psychologist who barely knew or cared about me gave two shits about the fact that i was being a hypocrite.

im almost certain i have bpd.

if not i definitely have emotional dysregulation.

"nobody understands"

does nobody want to understand? or do i want them to not understand? or do i put it in the too hard basket - because no one knows how to fucking listen these days. or is it that i simply dont know how to say it. to say the hard thing and communicate how i truly feel. which is pure shit.

im beginning to disssociate from my own reality. potentially very likely the reason and source for all my creativity that i was wondering about. i thought it had gone for good. turns out i just needed to be completely stressed and depressed for it to come back - my perfect distraction. my one true love. dqydreaming. maladaptive daydreaming... hits different when my reality is unbelievably shit and worse. makes me get real juicy and creative with my made up stories to escape into.

the way my life is actully grreqt and fine and dandy and im lucky and special and i still feel like this. will the feeling ever go away?

its not fair that you made it all about you. my mental health is suffering because im trying so hard for everyone and youre turning my efforts into anither problem to pick away at? fuck you. fuck you. watch me prioritise myself. watch me take the biggest step away from you. youve failed me again, you alwaus fail me! you will never know what it feels like to be me. yiu will never understand.

i need to move out. i need to leave. i need to get the FUCK away. im so angry im heartbroken. im so angry im broken. i feel like a child again. how could you fail me so badly that i cut my own body and fantasized about death?

i really want to just go invisible. become the physical embodiment of what my internal world is feeling. but... more than usual. archive everything on instagram and change my bio to "gone for abit". delete the app. delete everything in fact. go awol. leave. disappear. isnt that what you want? isnt that what you deserve? if you wanted to ignore me so bad. ill just fucking leave then. ill go! im happy to do that. but somehow i know that wont work anymore. it never did, actually. it only did for me. and now i dont even think i get that as a consolation. because unfortunately my conscience is just too self aware to do that. anyway.

i just dont see anyone taking me and my issues seriously. thats how this problemcame to be, wasnt it? my parents judged and laughed at my big emotions. my feelings. my thoughts. now i dont know how to express fucking anything. but i also ccan? cause ive made it this far. hiding. hiding in plain sight. ugh

i cant keep doing this anymore. i cant keep writing! but i also cant keep hiding. but fucking everyone sucks. theyre just gonna have to deal, i suppose. what do i do, god? i dont know what else there is to say anymore. its all on the table. im still angry and hurt. and im so agonisingly close to that familiar feeling. god, i want to turn to my old bad habits but i know it wont help me. its a beautifully sadistic secret. but it helps nothing. its just a pointless secret. but at least its a release. its a sinful pleasure. once i do it, ill unravel. but i kind of want to. i want to be a bad person. ive always been a bad person pretending to be good, though. i could just be bad and authentic, and covered in bloody scars too. or i could just ... i wont go there just yet. im not thaat stupid, am i?

EWJGFVJFVKJDVKJDFVJKDFJKFVKJFVJKN

[myuni-moon]

Ohayo or Oyasumi!૮₍⑅˶•▿•˶⑅₎ა

I'm not sure if your requests are closed or opened, so if they are closed then u can delete it ^-^

✨Twisted Wonderland✨

GN!MC

How would Yan!Dorm leaders react if their darling runaway and litteraly fell in love with anither person?

I kinda know what would happen to the person with who their darling fell in love with, but what would they do to their darling, who has litteraly betrayed them?

#grim fairytales

their reactions if you ran away and fell in love with someone else ft. malleus, riddle, and idia

warnings: yandere content, mentions of abduction, violence and threatening, decapitation, blackmail, mentions of force-feeding

note: i can't add all the dorm leaders, so i hope this is okay!

malleus doesn't want to admit it out of his own pride and ego, but he was terrified when he found out that you ran away; however, it turned into fury when he caught wind of that unremarkable mortal creature that had taken you into its clutches. as much as he would love to take you home as quickly as possible, he instead watches from the shadows and sizing up that poor excuse you have as your mate. the moment he sees a frown on your face, he’s snatching you right up— not that he wouldn’t if you were happy. poor darling, you don’t deserve such a irresponsible partner who couldn’t even make you happy!

no, no. unlike them, he treasures you like no one else; isn’t that just proper of him— to promise and give you all the happiness he can give you? (even if it’s more or less to feed his pride rather than keeping you happy) don’t be fooled, however. he loves spoiling you and putting a smile on your face, but the way his claws tap at your ankles is more than enough of a threat of what should happen if you ever run from him again. he’s worked hard to get you by his side, and he won’t let you ruin his happily ever after.

riddle can’t for the life of him keep his temper in check the moment he finds out you’ve left him all alone. the servants in his home are scrambling, trying to get him to calm down, and it looks like a whirlwind passed through his room as a result from his temper tantrum. not even his mother can tell him off from the amount of rage he's exhibited out of her own safety. through some good connections, he's able to track you down in a cute cottage at the very border of rose kingdom and living with your little lover no less. he busts a vein when that lowlife kisses you in front of him, and he's practically dragging you by the collar back home with him where you belong.

he won't let himself be second to someone who doesn't even have half as many achievements as he does. hasn't he been the perfect partner, treating you so gently befitting of a darling like you? hasn't he worked hard to grit his teeth and stop himself from strangling someone the moment they get too close for his liking? and then you go do something like this? not if he can help it! as a proper punishment for your transgressions, how about you watch as he puts your lover's head under the guillotine? maybe then you'll stop behaving like a brat.

idia finds you easily, and he doesn't even get all that mad because of your disappearance for this exact reason. you'd literally have to fall off the face of the earth if you never want to be found his prying eyes and digital prowess. even if you live in a forest where you can live in isolation from anyone and anything that uses electricity, ortho would be hot on your trail who's much too eager to help his sulking brother to get his dear darling back. what he is most surprised and upset about is how you could replace him easily. he knows that he might not be the best of the bunch, but he's more than capable at being your partner despite being so antisocial.

he won't kill your lover; that's way too barbaric for the future ruler of the underworld. instead, he'll dig up anything or falsify information to make your lover hand you over to him. criminal records, embarrassing moments, family secrets-- he'll dig whatever he can find or fake them. he'll appear out of nowhere one day, dangling a document in front of your lover's face and watching their face pale out of fright. once you're back in his arms, he'll whisper how much of a baby your lover seems to be for making themselves more of a priority over you. so much for a love that would last, but don't worry. idia will love you until the end of time! he promises to be the person to love you for eternity as he stuffs food from the underworld down your throat.

[goddesslunaris]

My life story

I don't have the right to be sad. My friends are going through much worse. One of them tried to kill himself a few months ago over another of our friends actually killing themselves. Another has a very bad home life and is being watched by cps and vapes. Another is 16 and pregnant while with a 22 year old man. Another is so obsessed over her boyfriend that sje actually ran away from her own home to live with him, she cuts her body amd says that her parents at home do this.

And then there's me, an angsty, angry, depressed, anxious, ptsd infested teen who is lazy beyond belief and quits everything she loves doing because of her "episodes". Here is a little background history of me:

-sinxe kindergarten i was bullied terribly. Very very terribly

-when my dad was alive him and my mom would argue in front of me, he would insult her and call her a stupid bitch

-my mom was stuck in an abusive relationship for 4 years before she saw my dad again. This was back before they got married.

-dad suffered from an abusive dad and burned himself with cigarettes. He blamed my now dead grandma for that.

-my grandma died about 2 years ago, i left the hospital after saying my final words. I find out after i get home that grandma passed away, she woke up, smiled, Then closed her eyes for the last time.

-before this, 3 years ago, my dad died from copd and health issues. I found his corpse on the ground in him and my mom's room

-he was white, purple in places. I felt his corpse, it was freezing

-i suffered verbal abuse from him the sicker he got. I knew he didn't mean it, but it still hurt.

-my mom is a workaholic, rushes when doing groceries because dad was very impatient

-she'a so thin, you can literally see her arms, legs, and ribs. Her thighs are virtually non-existent

-her old jobs treated her horribly

-i get annoyed easily and lash out at her which makes me feel even more terrible.

-I HIT HER! AND MY OTHER GRANDMA WHEN SHE INSULTS ME. I NEVER MEAN IT, AND IT MAKES ME ANGRIER BECAUSE I HURT THOSE WHO WOULD SACRAFICE SO MUCH FOR ME.

-WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?

-I ALWAYS THINK I DESERVE TO HAVE CPS TAKE ME AWAY

-but that would make my mom even more sad, she can't lose me too.

-she said she would kill herself if i was gone

-i am a piece of shit

-i was WATERBOARDED by the kids in my old neighborhood when i was 11

-kept Diaries with plans and thoughts to commit murder on those who wronged me.

-held a knife to my wrist when i was younger, but couldn't cut myself, was too scared.

-i had 2 terrible boyfriends. One of them left me because i'm an atheist

-the other left me because i wouldn't sleep with him. He was 18 i was 15.

-HE DATED MY BEST FRIEND AND GOT HER TO GIVE HIM A BLOW JOB THEN THREW HER AWAY!

-i stopped hurting mom and grandma physically  but verbally i hurt them and it makes me even more sad.

-my close friend is only 16 and she does meth and doesn't have custody of her and her 22 year old's baby, appley. Now she has anither child on the way and does drugs still. She was a theif and a pathological liar, still is.

-my friend kyle has dropped off the radar, won't amswer my texts or calls, the last we talked we had a small spat over my, now ex, boyfriend. I broke up with my ex and told him, but he didn't answer, it'a been a year and 8 months since i last spoke to him.

-he had a girlfriend and a child, but they were killed by a mugger. His home life is bad, and he smokes weed. A close friend of his committed suicide, he told me about his gf and baby when me, him, and our friend jeremy were hanging out behind main event and being teens.

-my life is unfulfiling, constantly bored and stuck with nothing but my thoughts. Money is tight and my mom's job is kinda rocky at the moment.

Compared to me, those i hold dear have it worse I DON'T DESERVE TO BE SAD. I DON'T DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. i don't deserve anything

@theegolover1 @slasher-beware