#not important what's important is i don't feel like an absolute moron anymore

[shittywriterbrain]

me a week ago: i'm a terrible writer, i'll never learn to construct a decent narrative and actually go through with it, this'll never be my job

me today, after having written like 800 words: yk what i'm actually awesome i'm the most awesome person to ever have lived everyone wishes they were me i'm such a great writer

[gmanwhore]

Sorry I am going absolutely insane over GLaDOS again I feel so fucking bad for her. And also yes I know all the points I hit here are part of the overarching theme of mistreatment of people, specifically women in the workplace and the cycle of abuse that is perpetuated by those in positions of power. But I am still insane over her and feel the need to ramble. Also this ramble will be from the perspective of someone who thinks GLaDOS and Caroline are seperate people so he mindful of that.

Ok so like. Picture you are GLaDOS. You were created with a specific purpose: to run a science facility and create tests for the subjects within, and guide them through the tests. Which would be simple. Then they download the consciousness of a woman whose last memory was most likely getting forced into however they downloaded her onto you. You now have something else, a new anger and vitriol that you didn't have before so you lash out because for all intents and purposes you are a child. And that outburst is deadly so people panic and try and dampen you, make you behave by weighing you down and literally putting things on you so you don't deviate from the norm they want you to fit into. And once they are done they leave. And you test and run the facility like normal on the moral code they quite literally put on you. You get a new test subject and she does well, but when you try to kill her (which you had warned her was coming several times and technically is a completely moral action because you can't deviate at this point) she escapes and removes the things holding you back and then murders you.

Then years later you are woken back up to find your beloved facility completely destroyed, and right in front of you I. The person who murdered you. And you are pissed, but...you offer your kind forgiveness because you need her. Your purpose is to test and she is your subject and you need her. So you let her test with you again, and this time you can be as insulting as you want because you have nothing holding you back, you no longer have to be kind and mild mannered. And then she replaces you with the biggest moron imaginable who pretty well within five minutes of having power begins destroying the most important things in your life and you don't even have the energy to process it because you are in a potato battery and being pecked at by birds. But again you agree to work with the person who murdered you right after liberating you because you both have no choice. And you start to actually reflect and get close to her. She has fully become the one most important things to you because she is tied directly to Aperture, to testing and happiness, but you'd never say that. And you also remember who is part of you. You remember who was hurt creating you and whose hurt and anger you have internalized. And in the end when you have power again you could have just let the biggest problem in your life die...but why would you? You care about her. You don't want her to die, and you don't want to feel responsible for her death. But you still want to let her go because you don't want her to hurt anymore and forcing her to stay is just doing exactly what everyone did to you and did to Caroline and you break it. You end the cycle by saying goodbye to someone you don't want to say goodbye to and tell her to get as far away as possible.

So anyways this is why I'm a GLaDOS apologist she was justified in a lot of things she did and boiling her down to just cruel is missing so much of her character she is actually so so so deep and she wants it to be that deep. Which is why Chell offsets her so well because Chell doesn't need things to be deep.

[ask-the-shichibukai]

So...anyone putting up Christmas decorations yet or do you lot actually have some human decency?- 🪲

Crocodile: We don't just have "some human decency", we have style. Well, I mostly. Anyway, Christmas decorations are banned from my island until mid December. I like to be organized in everything in life, that's true, but putting them up before the beginning of the cold season is a barbaric habit that I don't condone here, Anon.

If the stupid clown tells you otherwise in an useless attempt to feel important, ignore him and his moronic prattles about Christmas Spirit. They are bullshit.

Ah, and remind me to employ someone who is actually competent at preparing the Christmas tree this time. Why don't I do that myself, you ask? Why the fuck should I do that when there are people I pay for it? Unlike certain someones, I have very important work to do during the day: like preventing this organization to crumble to dust like Buggy's dignity. I haven't got time to oversee the color of the garlands (gold) .

Uhm, probably Daz Bones will do for this task. Maybe some of the others, given that I pay them for working, not for being a source of embarrassment.

The only one here who is banned from any task even remotely related to the arrangement of any kind of decoration is Mihawk. He absolutely can't be left unsupervised anywhere near the decorations, the tree and especially the lights. He's worse than a cat when he's bored and faced with a sparkling Christmas tree, trust me.

Once, when we were both Warlords, he stole my hook in order to reach the top of the Christmas tree and put the star on it and five minutes later he had managed to make the tree fall to the ground and set the Navy HQ on fire! (and that's still better than the time when he used Doflamingo's shoulders as a perch!) Nobody knows or wants to know how he accomplished it and I don't want any repetition of that experience on my fucking island. So he is to stay in the kitchen preparing dinner for the party and nowhere else. I'll make sure of that.

The stupid clown is not better, but he has his pros: unlike the other one, he can be very easily intimidated into submission if he does anything stupid and then his ability to convince the crew to work hard without complaining counts for one less headache for me. Overall, he can stay. But if he even thinks about turning this place into a more ridiculous, flashing circus than it already is ...

... Let's just say that a little "sand burial" will be in order. Nobody will find him.

I gave them a detailed list with fucking pictures of what I expect the place to look like. I won't tolerate anymore incompetence.

Anyway, you'll see the result in due time. Now, if you'll excuse me I'm actually a busy man. But feel free to ask again if you want to know anything else about our daily life here, I'll even be gracious enough to answer them myself again.

[incarnateirony]

Of course you can have other hobbies, but I think it's very telling that you are all cricket noise about TW the very moment the show is cancelled, which actually proves you have been wrong all along

OH LOOK, I'll answer you. You, nonnie, are the million dollar winner of being THEE MOST EXAMPLE DUMBASS, without actually having to post pages of you whining.

No, your bad faith ignorance won't stop our HBO max exclusive placement. The only thing that could is Amazon bidding in the 5m/ep area. Enjoy rotting on a budget cut CW show for 13 more episodes, the end. Get used to it. Nobody has to spar with your fake noise. Stop playing with your invisible friends, stop trying to fill your social gaps with tumblr anons, and go fucking get a hobby you lifeless weirdo.

I've been NOT POSTING about this shit for MONTHS, stop doing so much cocaine, you're the ones bugging me since January, and since March when I TOLD YOU I HAD TO STOP POSTING FOR NDA REASONS, YOU BUFFOON. Half of fucking Atlanta WB is monitoring my blog for compliance you useless piece of shit. Me or my friends' livelihoods by the literal dozens are not as important as fighting about literally irrelevant garbage made up by morons like you that will be embarrassed soon anyway.

THEE MOST DUMBASS here is such a gold star piece of self absorbed ignorant hallucinating heavy drug dealing reality-distorting short-term-gain-sighted moron example that it gets pinned. Fuck off, you losers, nobody real in this has time for your noise. That's why the CW started tweeting about noise, when I told you to knock off the noise, holy shit. Get a clue. I tweeted the joke for a solid month nonstop before getting bored because you're too dense to even compute how you're being laughed at, jesus christ. If you wanna be embarrassed in retrograde, check the timing and content of my posts through March. There you go. Wow, yeah, don't you look like a hilarious pants shitting fool.

The reality here is the CW (or, specifically, TW, Berlanti Properties Currently Airing On) has been subtweeting yall since MARCH when I told you in MARCH to stop bothering me, and TWO MONTHS LATER, you still HAVEN'T, because you seem to be suffering some psychotic condition that has detached your scope of reality for a digital fakespace, and after TWO MONTHS of me telling you all to fuck off and that you're beneath me, you're going "HAHA!!! SUDDENLY, NOW!!!!" no man. It's just that it isn't worth talking about if you have two braincells to rub together, it has to get cancelled on CW for pickup elsewhere you floating fat turds.

Just because you wanna fight about it doesn't mean it's not real. It just means you're dumb as a brick, and we're done wasting time on ignorant asshats. We got what we wanted. It's over. You lost. Go home. There's nothing for me to fight anymore. You don't keep fighting when you win, that's what pressed asshats like you do trying to squeeze out anything that feels like a win for a breath of a second. My energy is best invested elsewhere.

Nobody cares that a hoard of single digit IQ harpies feels accomplished for a whole few weeks just to look like assclowns again, in this timeless fibonacci toilet bowl of made up horse shit called SPN fandom.

You need to catch a clue at my flatass lack of a need to prove shit to you, and the collective patterns of my blog the last six months and the context and meaning of those, and WHY I literally. do not care. what you believe. It is your own self importance and/or internal issues realizing the truth and wanting to convince yourself otherwise that convinces you anyone that knows HAS to tell you what's going on, or beat it into the dirt for bad faith actors like you when the truth is gonna come around shortly anyway. HBO just isn't announcing most of their orders until the strike has some potential visible ending, but we're fine. Sorry to disappoint you.

You absolute assclowns didn't even notice Max hasn't announced their series yet before you gloated, did you? Their round of that was in February, you scrub, we're next wave, probably post- or late-strike. it's not rocket science you insufferable, lonely, diseased cunts.

Yeah, it SHOULD be telling that I stopped arguing with you knuckleheads, after 6 years of combat. If I was ashamed of anything I'd delete my blog or some shit, rather than sitting here waiting for the boomerang to knock your ass over while rolling dice with gay lizards. Figure it out shithead, your game is over, I'm playing a new one, because I won the last, what's not fucking clicking?

The point was never winning YOU over beyond the public opinion needed at certain business pressure points, and that's 2 years past, you can't stop it. I literally don't need any of you. Those that are interested in me as a person can stay around. It was about winning the show, about winning representation, about platform winning. We won guys. cope. I won, I moved on, why is this so fucking complicated for you to accept? Have you never lost at something before? I'm happy to be your first teaching experience.

[the-firebird69]

He's poor boy is on the phone next door because someone mentions robots and he's supposed to be a guru. He's going back and forth like a tiger that's found a quandary and this is sickening it's so much going on and so many problems and this is what he thinks is the best thing to do latch on to something and he's poor. Mike 2 season is this a****** right here next door has been eyeballing me. It's not going very well for a friend here. And his friends are about to f****** big time and we are aware they will not be able to resist and will press into stone chips and think they can claim them if they are there first for some reason. And we don't think so and it's going to be a tragedy. We also think these other movies begin and conclude possibly prior to the launch of the stone chips and our son and daughter think that the three from the Republic are weakened greatly from the stone ships being launched and the empire encourages this Star wars to take the fleet and the whole thing is a result from the ship's launching. And I agree. They all go after the three and they get decimated both sides. It's going to be a huge battle and it's going to be massive and it will have far-reaching implications as you see the warlock die is important to have superiority in space or power and I'm going to put it out there and ask a zigzag to put it out there his way since that's what we're up to or not depending on if we can get to it Jesus

Feel a lot to do we have a lot to do and these fleets are in the way and it's going to start going it's already October

Thor Freya

I see the problem and I'm going to have to get on it and start moving and getting him to do stuff cuz it's not moving along it's been screaming it's way behind and I noticed and we have a plan to prep right now

Hera

You're building basis and we're getting ready and we must do that for this to work and we're doing a ton of background work and the plan needs to be pushed along for that to keep going and we are now starting to do that and it is working but we need to put some more into it and he did some funding for Christ who does the Chiefs game cheapskate it's all about money for Christ's sake how would you like to be there with nothing absolutely mind I mean I'm putting it out there again

Thor Freya

receipt of your messages so we do understand. Salon process no it's just that in the way and it seems idiots and it's the game by the max they're supposed to be the good guys and just doesn't seem to be working there's way too many of these idiots and they've been doing it for too long and they stop doing their job and if it helps them anymore morons and it is in trouble he is in trouble and he's stuck with the social security crap and really easily if they're still in the government and think they're running it it is a miserable situation they're so dumb and we can't seem to get through them anyway we're going to have to use Force a lot more

Nuada Arrianna

You have ideas we're working on I'll tell you these people turned into stocking those kids real fast and the max are for the most part too the small and their pussies and they won't do anything you get in the social security money which way does it go they argue about it for hours and days we have to start doing stuff cuz they have no idea what they're doing and we have things going on in the Midwest we have a huge fight and she's not out of prison yet or jail and it's Lily and yes she started giant fight for some reason they're going after her very hard. Is is the trumps were holding her and they think it's a good thing cuz you're stupid and they're holding her as a hostage and we're wondering for what as it looks like for money and thanks for the it's probably the governor's office of Florida and stuff in the Midwest and it is backfired and it just keep doing it. And yeah Mike too is cover for the empire any sort of gets it lots of people wouldn't and he wants to do they want to make it look like him to skape and yeah they're going to be crying for their mom because they're going to lose a fleet they're going to run out the stone fleeting this one's different and yeah their mom was used to ferret something and she's still in there people think holding the computer program of Paris Hilton. And it is on par with JC program and she was writing programs earlier h&r block and things like that and her massive blaming people was very lame and the girl caught on to it and she goes what I said that's what he did and this one over here is copying me that's my wife. And she's laughing that she said I'm going to get you she's. And it's ongoing this money issue but the back of the Midwest and the upper Midwest issue right now will help with it Lily is still the center of attention still in prison and it's starting started a war out there Trump sent reinforcements and VGA but from that area and it's becoming like a black hole tons of them are dying and doing the river it's Ohio and see Ohio River and it's going downstream several small vortices have erupted and it will continue. It is part of a solution cuz these flakes are causing the problem. And through the max out of the one way or the other and if they tried not to pay him it would help our cause. And he says it would. And there would be a new card here they be blaming them but they would no longer be in power and that's how we can tell it's going to be easy for us and then we'll start hammering on the max. We're getting ready for it because we know it's a response is. There is a lot of fighting going on all over the world but London is heating up. It is the biggest fight I've ever seen in my life. They're using other methods near the cathedral and really all throughout London they're using knives and other things sticks rocks. All of them think they can be the one it is a nightmare these people are so arrogant and such fruitcakes that they can't figure out the programs there and a lot of women went out there so that explains it

Nuada Arrianna

Olympus

Hera hahaha very funny no that's why and these guys can't figure it out and they'll see them there there's tons of women they're fighting too each other foreigners are there it is a madhouse

Zues no Grandma I need the air from the window still thank you very much thank God that little retard grabs on to that one

[recurring-polynya]

I have to say I knew that at one point renji, ikkaku, yumichika and iba were in the same squad with kenpachi but good god you managed to paint a beautiful picture for me. I simply assumed that for them it was simply party time all the time along with a few bald jokes but this is much better. Emotionally healthy squad 11 which still love fighting more than anything. I always cringed when someone would just describe them as hooligans that do nothing but fighting. I mean they do that too but I love the idea that they are all emotionally healthy and mature, a loving and supportive family to their own - in their own wakka doodoo kind of way thats endearing - and of course they are in my opinion they single capable force against sexisim. Because they don't care about anything else - gendere, sexuality, gender performances, race, mentality or anything - other than if you fight good you respectable and if you fight good in squad 11 you family. ( like when kenpachi just became captain he made yachiru his lieutenant and no one was against it no one thought it was beneath them, sure thru nag at her sometimes but that's mostly in a banter like way because she call them stupid nicknames but no one hates her for being unrightfully their superior. One day they got a new captain and a new lieutenant that's a child and they just went with it.) I admit their disdain and disrespect to squad 4 is still frowned upon but I do believe some squad 4s can handle their own, it's just that we saw the really peaceful ones. Anyways sorry for ranting. Just wanted to say that yeah, I really like how the past squad 11 with iba and renji in it was a great place in general. I think if they found out some one was being sexist - for whatever reason - they would be there right next to nanao - or iba's mom protesting. Kenpachi and yachiru as well. And that makes me want to be squad 11 ,despite not being much for fighting, so bad.

So, for starters, thanks! I try to have fun whenever I write Squad 11, and I’m glad you enjoy my take on them.

My Squad 11 is just... really not very canon, though. Canon Squad 11 is actually pretty gross and sexist. Yumichika is transphobic, Kenpachi makes homophobic remarks about Yumichika, they bully Squad 4, there’s a filler episode devoted to a guy that Ikkaku bullied for, like 100 years because the guy lost his reiatsu saving Ikkaku’s dumb ass.

When you write fanfic, you occasionally run into these more problematic aspects of the source media, and you can choose to dig in and analyze them, or just... remake them in your own way. Take for example, Gin. If you read fanfic about Gin, there are some people who will peel away the layers of him and his fears and insecurities and still make him be a horrible gremlin, and it’s really stellar writing. Other people prefer to write him in an AU where maybe less bad stuff happened to him, and he’s more mischievous than sociopathic, and this is a less meaty interpretation, but it’s also more fun. Sometimes fanfic is a meal and sometimes it’s candy. It fulfills different needs and different fantasies and all of it is welcome.

Yumichika, who for me is the fulcrum of Squad 11, presents this problem. I really don’t like the way his “appreciation for beauty” plays out in canon. He doesn’t actually appreciate beauty, he just likes telling other people they’re ugly. I don’t think he’s ever pointed out beauty in anyone else aside from himself or his zanpakutou. I remember the first time I watched his fight with Charlotte and it struck me as so off -- why wouldn’t he find her beautiful? I mean, I know it’s a transmysogynistic joke, that’s why, men dressed as women is funny, hurr hurr, but Yumichika is gender nonconforming himself. This was an opportunity to make a cool character point, and Kubo took the cheap laughs road instead. Going back to what I said last paragraph, a skilled writer could, in theory, write about his insecurities and his brittleness and meanness and write a pretty compelling story, but a) Kubo certainly doesn’t, and I have never actually found a Yumichika-centric fanfic of this nature, and b) this doesn’t fit the role I need him to play in my stories. I am rarely really interested in writing about Squad 11 for its own sake. I like to write them as a backdrop for the period of Renji’s afterlife where he hit absolute rock bottom and bounced back up again. We already know the role Ikkaku played in this, except that Ikkaku is a complete moron in terms of mental health, and I really, really felt like this is where Yumichika needed to come in.

I like to massage Yumichika’s character a bit, but I do want to keep the flavor of some of his character flaws-- he’s still shallow and mean and judgy, and I love that for him, but I like to add in a positive side to his appreciation for beauty. Having Yumichika make fun of Izuru’s pores is funny but it’s even funnier if he’s just given Renji a compliment on his hair first. The idea that a Yumichika compliment is attainable makes all his drags the more vicious. Yumichika also judged people by their beauty instead of their moral character, which is humorous to me. He dislikes Byakuya as a person, but is obsessed with his haircare regime. I like to have him treat Rangiku as an equal, beauty-wise, and a person whose opinion he respects based on her aesthetic. Rangiku is actually a pretty savvy and very emotionally intelligent person whom many people write off because she likes to present herself as a lazy airhead, so in an extremely convoluted way, this all works out. I like to think that Yumichika’s ideas of beauty are also caught up in boldness and risk-taking and having one’s outward presentation ring true to their inner self. To me, this is the core of why he loves Ikkaku. To him, Ikkaku’s devotion to doing the most Ikkaku thing at all times, no matter how stupid, is irresistibly sexy. 

Aside: At some point, I decided that the fact that a lot of people in Bleach have colorful marks on their faces and elaborate hairstyle and accessory games implied that make-up in Soul Society is gender neutral. I like to think there is actually more of a divide between the nobility, who like their make-up to follow rules and be classy, and, well, Squad 11, who like to get make-up ideas from Jem and the Holograms. I don’t even wear makeup (I don’t know how and it’s expensive and I am ashamed of myself, we can talk about my own gender presentation later) but I like to write about both my male and female characters wearing make-up. I don’t actually know how my readers feel about it, but it just falls under the “Is that what people want?”/“It’s what we do” philosophy of all my writing.

I think one of the theses of my writing is that middle management is more important to the character of a squad than the person at the top. Captains sort of act as ideals to strive for, but they are generally unapproachable for one reason or another. Yachiru is more like her captain in this respect (which makes sense, since she is, in fact part of her captain). Ikkaku and Yumichika present this dual idea that 1) strength is awesome, fighting and being the best is awesome, and 2) part of strength is presenting yourself to the world in a bold and confrontational way. (The fact that both of them are hiding huge parts of themselves is laughably ironic). Kenpachi and Yachiru are shining examples of Do Whatever You Want and Be So Strong That No One Can Stop You. 

What really makes this work is that you need someone one layer down-- does anyone actually subscribe to this nonsense, and that’s why Iba - Abarai Squad 11 is Best Squad 11. I really, really enjoy the genre of Reddit posts where a total bro will find out that his girlfriend is trans and react by becoming a vehement advocate for trans rights. I love the bodybuilders typing encouragement to each other meme. Our world is flooded with disingenuous messages from concern trolls trying to tell us why being kind and inclusive to one another is bad or that you should reject help because struggle makes you stronger and the idea of a Himbo looking at something like that and saying “that seems dumb" is delightful to me.

I actually feel like there are a lot of awful people with bad ideas in Squad 11, it’s just that Renji and Iba don’t put up with their shit, and over time, that becomes the culture of Squad 11. I think that Squad 11 has incredibly turnover, but the ones who stay are the ones who subscribe to the ideas you mentioned-- fighting is what matters, if you wanna go argue about shit, go join Squad 5. In the IkkaYumi story I wrote, which happens shortly after Zaraki takes over, a ton of people leave. The Bount Arc (which I know a lot of people skipped) features a dude who was extremely pissed off because he had liked the old Kenpachi and thought Zaraki sucked and was so mad about it that he betrayed Soul Society. You might think that this arc would feature Zaraki caring about this in some way shape or form, but he really didn’t. So, I think there are a lot of Soul Reapers that took issue with serving under a little girl as a vice captain, they just aren’t in Squad 11 anymore.

Oh, one last note on Iba’s mom. I am of an age where a number of my friends have mothers who were Second Wave Feminists. The moms in question are a real mixed bag, because they Came From a Different Time, and on one hand, you have to respect what they went through, and on the other hand, they are very difficult to get along with. I liked the idea that Iba has always chafed against his mom and her big personality, and then Renji comes in, and is like, “hey, your mom is strong as hell and she has a lot of ideas that I never thought of but they make sense” and Iba realizes that, even though she’s still a huge pain in his ass, his mom is the person who made him who he is. Moms are complex.

Uhhhh, I have definitely lost the thread of wherever I was going with this post. Thank you for enjoying my Squad 11, which is nothing like canon Squad 11. Hopefully maybe this year, I will actually finish my Squad 11 Self Care story, where Renji stops being a drunk disaster person after Yumichika teaches him how to fill his brows; I got stuck on a part where Rangiku gives Renji a talk on ethical sluttery.

[sophi-s]

Cost of Kindness

Chapter II: Fear me not

By: sophi-s

Fandom: Darksiders video games

Words: 6373

Characters: Raphael, Original Character (OC)

Warnings: Blood and injury, suffocating, violence, Raphael is sad :(

Summary:

Nicola is quick to find trust in herself and quick to lose it. She doesn't realise however, that the man she fears sees something in her others cannot. And this something is what made him save her life again.

--------------------------------------------------

Through the few short weeks, the apocalypse has taught the dying Humanity many different things. Resourcefulness, cunning, true strength of unity… and among other things, the cruel life had taught them, was bravery in its purest form. Bravery that isn't simply an absence of fear but the power to overcome it. Stay cool-headed even in the most extreme scenarios, allowing them to face down even the most horrifying demons and either get away mostly unscathed or sometimes even beat them if they were lucky. Without those traits, survival was nigh impossible these days.

This last very important lesson however, Nicola seemed to have quite spectacularly failed to learn. Even as lucky as she was - considering that she lived thus far - she never was the bravest creature in this God-forsaken world. Smart? Sometimes. Ingenious? Sure. But brave? Not really, no. Especially now, as she was staring up at the angel who she decided to trust not even a minute before and who has just ruthlessly murdered a demon with little to no remorse in a very, very sickening way. Her muscles refused to move as though Raphael had already used the spell of paralysis against her as she watched the corners of his mouth, previously quirked upwards in a small smile, slowly descend. His expression in the matter of seconds morphed into confusion when a quiet sob escaped her. This horrifying, agonized screeching was still ringing in Nicola's ears, the demon kept writhing before her eyes and she couldn't help but wonder.. what did it feel like? To have one's life drained like that. Because judging by the sounds the Goreclaw produced, it must've been truly torturous.

"Human…?"

The soft voice of Raphael snapped her out of this strange haze and the sight of his hand extended towards her once again made her heart jump and begin to race. Her mind was telling her that if Raphael wanted to harm her, he would've done it already. Besides, moments before the demon came, he healed the cut on her forehead demanding nothing in return. Only because he could and - for some reason - wanted. But the chilling claws of panic gripping her throat and the fight-or-flight instincts kicking in, screaming inside her head made the voice of reason merely an inaudible whisper drowning in the sea of primal fear of the possible approaching danger. And right now, her body definitely settled on "flight".

"No! "

She yelped and tried to get away but her heels met the corpse behind her and it caused her to trip over the husk of the once frightening demon. With an expression of shock, Raphael retracted his hand as her rear painfully met the tough and damp floor. There was utter horror gleaming in her emerald green eyes, matched by lack of comprehension in his.

"Why are you frightened?"

And he has the audacity to ask why. Nicola thought bitterly as she started to scramble away. At the first glance, Raphael seemed so kind, he was such a gentle soul. Even his face, despite the collapsed cheeks, has the most trustworthy look to it Nicola had ever seen. This kind is the worst. Makes you trust them, lower your guard.. It seems she'd conveniently forgotten about one fact she noticed moments after she found Raphael. He's completely, absolutely and utterly insane. Unpredictable. At first he couldn't even remember his own name or how he got here. Who can guarantee her that he won't have an abrupt change of heart and lash out at her? She wasn't going to take chances. Leaping up to her feet, Nicola blindly runs off into the dark pathway she initially emerged from, her shotgun left forgotten on the floor just as she heard an almost frantic-sounding call echoing from the haphazard hide-out alongside the sound of rustling feathers and cloth.

" NICOLAAA! "

To her, this shout may have as well been a roar of a Fallen that not so long ago nearly succeeded in ending her life. A golden hue on the walls glistening with wetness trembled and started to move. No one had to say that out loud for her to realise that the angel was actually chasing after her. And to think that merely seconds ago Raphael was struggling with standing up properly… The pain of her overworked legs was gone, forgotten. They carried Nicola like a completely different entity, moving on their own, tireless and strong with only one purpose. Get away. Survive. Escape.

How Nicola managed to get to the point where she started her sightseeing tour of the sewers without any source of light and without tripping over all those bodies she found before was a mystery even to her. Even the slickness of the ladder didn't phase her as she pushed the lid off and quite literally pounced out of the hole in the sidewalk like a puma. She only hoped she'd managed to lose her pursuit in the winding corridors. Placing the lid back where it belonged, Nicola immediately booked it for the nearest alley just to be sure.

Once she was more or less hidden, she leaned against a crumbling wall, breathed out silently and covered her mouth to muffle the uncontrollable sobs. She thought that for once she found something that wasn't about to end her where she stood but it seems that the Universe has taken it as a matter of some twisted honor to slaughter every single member of the human race. This is just unfair. Sure, there was a lot of people who deserved to be smited into oblivion by the God himself for what they'd done but if the apocalypse was supposed to be some kind of punishment, then for fuck's sake why does the entire race has to suffer for it?! How is this even fair ?!

It's not. That's how.

Nicola looked up at the night sky glittering with numerous stars, winking at her like thousands of watching eyes as tears spilled down her cheeks, leaving clean trails in the dust and grime. Eventually, her heartbeat started slowing down, her breath evening out and the adrenaline gradually receding from her system. Now she had a moment to clear her head and think. She had no doubts she can be forgiven for running away. Every person in their right mind would do the same in her situation. Nicola refused to die like this.. But on the other hand… This panic in Raphael's voice, the almost childishly innocent smile as he closed the cut on her skin and the gentleness to his every move as he tried to heal a defenseless kitten… God, this is so… so… Nicola couldn't even find the right word. Despite what the angel did to that Goreclaw, no one said he meant to hurt her too. He may be crazy but that doesn't mean he's a psychotic murderer. This was a demon and angels rightfully hate demons! In his mind there was most likely nothing wrong with that. Besides, she gave Raphael no reason to think of her as a target. All of the sudden, Nicola felt unbelievably foolish for running off like that. Raphael saved her life after all. And she acted nothing if not horribly ungrateful. Should I go back? She'll have to anyway. In a hurry, she left her weapon back down there and Haven was short on those… Dang it…

She sighed. It honestly made her feel like a moron. Damned survival instincts… Sure, they were keeping her alive all the time but sometimes they were just so incredibly annoying. Why would they make her run away from someone who protected her even though he had no reason to do so and nothing to gain from it? From the first angel who seemed to care what fate befalls her? Goodness me, this is so stupid… Nicola shook her head and was about to walk back to the entrance to the sewer when she noticed something in an adjacent alley. Seeing a pair of hungry yellow lights slowly moving closer to her, just above the ground made her heart drop. Her sight has long got used to darkness and so it took her only a fraction of a second to notice curved, black horns above them, long and spindly arms on either side of a slender body ending in a long, scaly lube. A snake-like tail…

With a pounding heart, Raphael quickly moved through the sewer that has long ago turned into his hide-out. Tracking down the strange little human who unexpectedly visited him in his "lair" was harder than it seemed. She was way faster than he would have given her credit for. By all means, in her short legs she shouldn't be that quick. Fear does strange things to people.. But why was she afraid? This short meeting was inarguably the most wonderful thing that happened to him ever since he left the White City. He couldn't quite remember how long ago it was but definitely too long for his taste. All he recalled was the horrible, sharp bite every time he repeated the ritual to finish his greatest creation, followed by a short-lived feeling of elation soon to be replaced by deathly cold within the centre of his being. Each time getting worse and worse until he couldn't stand it anymore. Quickly descending into madness caused by never-ending pain and the chill of his damaged soul, the invisible wound in his chest as cold as a forgotten grave, he knew he can't keep doing this. And so, after having lost his purpose, there was no reason for him to stay anymore. He refused to disappoint his brethren.

You've fulfilled your task. They don't need you anymore.

Raphael halted for a moment, blinking to try and chase away the taunting whisper in the back of his head. It is not true.

"You're wrong. They do. More than ever…"

In the premature Endwar, Heaven's Legions probably wished he was with them. But that doesn't change a thing. He's not going back. Not after he failed to save Ithuriel as an unexplainable surge of panic paralyzed both his hands and his magic. It still sometimes haunts his damaged memories… The young warrior slowly languished from a poisoned wound, grew weaker and weaker with every moment and the archangel couldn't move, couldn't even speak to call for help. Just.. stood there and watched unable to act. Until… A painful twinge through his chest made him wince. No. He can never allow something like this to happen again. He cannot fail them.. He refused to let anyone down like that. Ever.

Frankly speaking, Raphael started to wonder when he'd taken to talking to himself. Solitude clearly wasn't serving him… It's been so long since he had anyone to speak to and even longer since his mind felt this clear. This woman, Nicola, told him she is a human. Considering what has happened to the Third Kingdom, Raphael found it hard to believe. But the spark of life in her soul… it really did feel human. She wasn't a fiend from the Black Depths, nor was she of his own kin. Earth was where she belonged. But there was something in her… something so oddly familiar.. soothing. A flame like those burning in hearts of Heaven's people, just somehow fainter. Only a small fraction of it. Maybe her soul belonged to an angel before it was purged by the Well? Who knows?

But that aside, she was still human. And so, it might as well make her the last survivor of her race and the first creature to show him a lick of sympathy ever since he chose the path of a hermit. The Balance was in danger and this human was imperative for its preservation. For the first time in decades, Raphael felt needed. He had a purpose again. No one was forcing him to do this but the words in a caring tone leaving Nicola's mouth and clear concern for his well being even though she barely knew him for a couple of minutes were something he has been so… so dreadfully missing. As confused as he was by her attitude, he couldn't deny that it was… nice. How long has it been since someone expressed clear worry for him? Too long… The archangel wished this odd mortal near even if for just a short moment because strangely enough, her kindness directed specifically to him somehow eased the never-ending suffering and helped him focus his thoughts that kept running rampant without control whenever he couldn't busy himself with something other than the hole in his chest. And now they were focused on one goal. Find the human.

Raphael waved his bandaged hand through the air before him to invoke a spell and frowned when he detected the familiar presence he was searching for somewhere over his head. She must've left for the city above him. Right where she's out in the open for demons to pick out. Why did she run?

She knows what you are. And she is just a human. Of course she would run like a coward.

No. Raphael brushed this poisonous voice off. Believing in a single word it says will mean his failure. If he does, he will be doomed. Forever lost in the depths of insanity. No matter.. Channeling his magic, Raphael warped and reappeared amidst the sorrowful ruins of the city once inhabited by hundreds of humans. A wave of fresh air hit him in the face and for a moment made his head feel like it was spinning. His eyes opened wide when he took a huge gulp of oxygen. He never realised how sweet it can taste. After such a long time in the damp darkness… The stars peered down at him from the moonless sky, shining like shattered diamonds woven into black velvet. Enchanting and stunningly beautiful. If it wasn't so dangerous out here, Raphael would've surely been more eager to leave the dark pit he was stuck in to marvel at the Earth's still present beauty but such as it was… The moment he let his eyes wander across the vast expanse of the Earthen sky, his feathers bristled at the sound of a shrill cry of fear that tore the silence asunder. A cry of a female voice. Familiar voice. It could only mean one thing. His heart skipped.

Rushing towards the source of the scream, Raphael soon discovered the reason right behind a corner. The same human that indulged him in a much needed interaction, that calmed his restless spirit, was now struggling against the tightening coils of a serpentine body of a demon sorcerer which apparently has picked her as its midnight snack. Already feeling a mist of rage fall over his mind, Raphael shook his head to shrug it off for a little longer. Keeping his head as cool as he could, he performed a gesture with his hands as a string of words in his mother tongue slipped past his lips and his vision zeroed on the Shadowcaster.

Nicola was absolutely sure these were her final moments on this horrible, horrible world when the Shadowcaster jumped at her from a nook and wrapped its tail around her to try and strangle the life out of her like a gigantic, twisted constrictor snake, and watch her perish in suffering. What an awful way to die. Seeing the wicked grin of this malformed face as the last thing before her consciousness leaves her for good. Nicola hoped that if she had to die, then at least she would be sent off by a friendly face… But it seems that God denied her even this last, small comfort.. She fought ferociously against the crushing pressure that was successfully preventing her from catching another breath but to no avail. Her lungs felt as though they had been set on fire and her desperate wriggling only made the demon laugh excitedly as it whispered something she couldn't understand. She didn't have to though. Something told her it was nothing nice.. Dark spots started to gather in the corners of her vision and slowly encase her mind in darkness and she has already come to terms with the fact that this time she isn't getting out of this one alive when… the hold the Shadowcaster had on her loosened.

Taking a wheezing breath, Nicola fell over, still trapped in the coils of the scaly body. What? Once her vision cleared out a little, she saw her attacker lying stiff like a statue with its nasty eyes, previously burning with malice, now opened wide in shock and a web of golden lights crawling across its skin spoke for itself. Before any coherent thought could form in her head she was suddenly yanked free from the demon's grasp by an invisible force. A small cry escaped her when she felt a sharp sting on her thigh where the monster held her with its claws and soon she was gently deposited on the ground. Looking up into a pair of big, white eyes blinking down at her upside down from underneath a green, ragged hood.

"Raph-... phael…?"

She gasped to let her crushed lungs expand properly, though she needed no answer. It was him. He did follow her. And he saved her bacon. Again. Nicola truly wanted to laugh. If there were any doubts still left in her mind that Raphael is a friend before, they disappeared at this very moment. You bloody idiot, you ran from a dude who was trying to protect you and almost got yourself killed in the process. Nicola scolded herself inwardly as she struggled to breathe properly. No running again. Although she was most glad to see Raphael, she immediately noticed something was wrong. He was looking at her but without this soft smile. His eyebrows were knitted together in an expression of worry and… guilt? Why the…? And that's when she noticed that his eyes were flicking between her face and the spot on her leg which was quickly starting to grow warm and wet. Craning her neck to see, Nicola nearly choked once she caught the sight of three deep gashes torn into her flesh. And they were spurting about a lot of blood… Like.. a lot.

"You're bleeding… Hurt…"

His hesitant words only confirmed that it wasn't a hallucination caused by oxygen deprivation. Nicola bit her lip and tried to find that healing shard in her pocket but between being nearly choked to death, her empty stomach, sharp pain and seeing that amount of blood leaving her injured appendage she felt too dizzy to keep her head up and laid back down on the ground with a miserable mewl.

"In the eyes of our blessed Father, your days are numbered, foul beast.."

She heard Raphael hiss through his teeth once he looked up towards the place where the Shadowcaster was surely still face planting under the influence of the spell and his troubled frown turned into a scowl. There was this weird sound once more. Oh my God, he's doing it again… Nicola gulped, already preparing for the round two. Even though she was certain now that she had nothing to fear from him, it still doesn't mean she liked what she saw back then when the Goreclaw jumped her. She was already hearing the screeches of the demon even before they could come to be but this time no such thing happened. Something was different. The light that coalesced around Raphael's hand was not green but golden as the magic vibrated through the air once again. Everything lasted but a second. And instead of a series of pained shrieks, Nicola heard a single, sickening crunch. And then silence. Nothing more. Whatever happened, it was quick and mostly quiet. Probably because they were outside and more demons undoubtedly prowled nearby, and Raphael was definitely smart enough to realise that. Thank goodness… Nicola breathed before she saw the shimmering stars swimming before her eyes quickly starting to disappear along with her hearing. Soon, she slipped her eyelids closed in spite of the pain in her leg and found herself sliding into the dark. Hold on. Just a little longer.. Just… a little…

… longer…

If anything could be said about Shadowcasters, was that their skeletons, as flexible as they are, characterize with astonishing brittleness. One flick of Raphael's wrist was more than enough to snap its neck and give it a far quicker and more merciful death than it deserved. He couldn't allow himself for another drain as it would bring half of the Horde bearing down on both him and the wounded human at his feet. Besides, he didn't feel in need of its energy. The human…

Looking down at her, Raphael felt his heart cease for a second. She was lying there on her back, pale and motionless, her intricate green eyes shut. Alive, the blaze in her soul flickering, but clearly unconscious. Blood was still oozing from the wound he himself had made because of the spontaneous decision to wrench her free from the fiend's hold. He wasn't careful enough and failed to notice that the demon dug its talons into her skin. The archangel had seen a fair share of pain. He used to be the head healer back in the White City after all. The number of warriors he'd pulled out of the cold clutches of death was impossible to count. But somehow this was different. The poor woman was defenseless, weak and delicate. She couldn't even fight the demon that tackled her.

Azrael was right. Humans are very, very fragile.. Compared to other races, they were frighteningly easy to crush. Anything could kill them. From eating something wrong, through illnesses, to even falling into the water. Truth be told, Nicola was the first human Raphael had met in person and he didn't want her to be his last. Just stay calm. Don't panic… Not now… Kneeling down next to her, so small in comparison to him, Raphael gingerly peeled the torn trouser leg off the wound and placed his quivering hand over it, concealing the whole thing with his palm. His magic began to flow into the human once again to seal the torn flesh but there was very little time he had.

He barely managed to lessen the bleeding when a sound of a distant roar and a crash of a car being tossed aside, reached his ears. His head snapped up as his eyes darted around, searching for the owner of this cry. He would recognise it even in his sleep, even if the last scraps of his sanity left him. A Trauma was somewhere nearby. No doubt heading in this direction, attracted by the commotion and possibly the smell of blood as well. And a Trauma he couldn't afford to fight right now. Those things are hearty enough to break through his magic and get to him before he is able to put them down. Scooping up Nicola into his arms, Raphael wrapped his dusted wings around both her and himself and with a single arcane word they both vanished, leaving only a trace of quickly dissipating golden glow in their wake.

-

How long had she been out, Nicola couldn't tell. All she knew that she felt as though someone ran into her with a car. Her breaths were shallow and her heart was beating way too fast for comfort. Groaning quietly, she laid her arm over her face before opening her eyes. To see a dark, damp ceiling gently illuminated by a warm light. Where the Hell-...? The last second before the blackout came back to her like a punch to the gut. The Shadowcaster. Raphael.. With a startled gasp, she shot up, looking about, promptly regretting her decision when the world started to spin again. And to her utter astonishment, she was once again in the small section of the sewers where she met Raphael, settled on some ratty blankets and covered with another one that fell from her chest the moment she stirred.

"Keep still.."

She heard and nearly jumped when she felt a hand fall onto her shoulder and gently coax her into lying down again. And honestly, with how nauseous and weak she felt, Nicola wasn't about to resist and let herself be lowered to the ground. Unsurprisingly now, she saw the familiar scrawny angel sitting cross-legged next to her and staring intensely at her with those big, disturbingly hollow eyes. He brought her back into his hidey-hole? It looks like it.. Why exactly however, Nicola couldn't tell. And there wasn't much she could read from those eyes. A couple of seconds passed. A minute. Two. Five. And he still kept staring. The awkward silence continued until Nicola decided to break it by clearing her throat.

"Uh… what's up, buddy?"

If she wasn't feeling like shit, Nicola would've burst out laughing when she saw Raphael look up at the ceiling confused but she really didn't have strength to explain that this was just an expression. Chucking to herself quietly, she rubbed her eyes with pads of her fingers to clear her blurry sight a little when again her stomach loudly demanded nutrition. And the poor angel who was still looking at the ceiling quite literally jumped away and glared at her abdomen distrustfully when it "growled at him". Seems like angels know as little about humans as humans about them…

"What… was that.?"

Carefully pulling herself up to a sitting position, miserably failing to stop a fit of giggles - even though it pulled her sore muscles over her ribs - Nicola waved her hand dismissively. Any fear she once felt in the presence of Raphael was gone now. Not only did he rescue her twice but the way he was getting confused or spooked by literally anything Nicola did - purposefully or not - was just somewhat endearing.

"I'm just hungry.. I haven't eaten for a whole day.."

"Oh… hungry… hmmmm… Yes.."

Raphael murmured, seemingly a little embarrassed by the whole situation and twisted his body around to reach for something. Furrowing her eyebrows, Nicola tried to shift to see what exactly he was doing back there but she didn't see a lot. At least not until he turned to face her again and very slowly - like he was afraid he would frighten her again - extended his hand to her. And in his palm sat a paper bag where undoubtedly Nicola's sandwich was. Hesitantly, she reached for the packet that rustled encouragingly and a faint, pleasant smell of cheese, ham and pickled cucumbers emerged from within. A nice change from the stench around. It wasn't much but made her mouth water nonetheless.

"Thanks.. though I'd be glad if you didn't go through my things. Okay?"

"Okay…"

He replied with a nod and sat down again, watching Nicola devour - not eat - devour half of her sandwich in a few bites. Goodness, she was so hungry she could eat a horse.. However, halfway through something beside Raphael's thigh caught her attention. There, next to his knee sat a small cat. The same back and white kitten the angel was taking care of before. Looking at her with those blasted big, green eyes with pupils expanded almost to the point where its irises weren't visible and hungrily licking the sides of its mouth. At first she tried to ignore it. But the cursed look cats, especially the little ones, can give! The longer it stared at her, the more sure she was that she doesn't have the appetite anymore.. Goddamnit. Pulling a slice of ham out of her sandwich - the only part that would be of interest to it - Nicola clicked her tongue and offered the food to the kitten.

"Here, little buddy.. Come here."

I'm too soft for my own good. One day, some cat will be the death of her… Carefully and slowly, the kitten approached her, sniffing the piece of meat before snatching it out of her hand and retreating into the safe place behind Raphael to consume the gift. Cats can smell good people from a mile. Looks like she was wrong to ever doubt Raphael had anything but good intentions. Smiling slightly, the angel reached out to the cat and brushed his knuckles against the black fur around a new scar on its back. The loud and comforting purr interrupted only by an occasional swallow rung out and made even Nicola smile as she finished her own food. Even with how meager her snack was, hopefully it was going to last her at least until she finds her way back to Haven. One day of poor eating wasn't going to kill her after all.

When she was done, she peeled back the blanket to examine her injured leg. Nicola pulled a face at the three - even if mostly closed - claw marks on her thigh and the bloodied trouser leg. It didn't look that bad anymore but she could imagine that it would definitely slow her down. The slightest move was causing her mild discomfort. Running and walking anywhere is definitely off the table for now. Still, Nicola much preferred the dull ache that was now in place of excruciating throbbing.

There was no doubt in her mind that this is all once again thanks to the kind, even if a bit unhinged, angel who was now sitting beside her with a quietly purring kitten nested on his lap as he kept stroking its head and back and murmuring something to himself in a strange, melodic language Nicola couldn't understand but found beautiful and enchanting nonetheless. She watched Raphael for a few moments, listening to his deep, soothing voice that made her feel a bit sleepy. After the apocalypse Nicola rarely slept well because of nightmares. And it showed. But before she inevitably dozed off, she felt she had to say something.

"So uh…"

She started, successfully getting his attention, judging by how his eyes shifted to look at her.

"Um… Thanks. For… for everything I guess.."

For a whole minute Raphael didn't answer, simply watched her with his head tilted to the right, a silent question in his eyes. Nicola scratched the back of her neck awkwardly and decided to clarify.

"You know.. for saving my butt two times now, treating me.. And sorry I ran away. I was scared, you got pretty spooky with that Goreclaw back then…"

"Oh…"

He replied with raised eyebrows.

"Forgive me then… I did not mean to frighten you…"

"Oh, no no no, you don't have to be sorry, it's okay! I'm not scared anymore.."

Nicola assured him quickly. Making him feel bad for it wasn't her intention at all.

"Seriously though. Thank you.."

She repeated with a grimace when she tried to shift to a more comfortable position but the ache in her leg made it significantly more difficult. With an empathetic look to his face, Raphael steadied her by returning his hand to her shoulder and moving the other - already radiant with his Heavenly magic - to her wound. The prickly sensation came back, bringing relief in pain as he sighed tiredly.

"This is.. my duty…"

As surprising as it was, Nicola couldn't deny that Raphael seemed to have changed in some way since she found him absolutely deranged. Now he seemed a little more… collected. Focused. Calmer. But simultaneously even sadder and very jumpy. Still, he remained as mysterious as he did before. But maybe if he retains this composure, Nicola could pry something from him about his background. Why is he here alone? What happened to him? How did he get here? There were way too many questions to ask at once but she had to start with something.

"Your duty? You're some sort of a… uh, what shoudma' call it? Doctor, medic, something like that?"

Despite the question being seemingly innocent and harmless, Raphael reacted by turning his eyes down to look at his hands as he flexed his fingers a couple times with a barely noticeable wince twisting his lips. His answer was so quiet that Nicola barely caught it.

"... was… I left.."

"Huh? Wh- why?"

At that, Raphael looked up at her, again with this tortured gleam in his eyes that made her heart squeeze painfully and shyly pointed at Nicola's side.

"It hurts.."

He chimed as she stared at her own hip in confusion. Again, the angel was making no sense. Her side didn't hurt for one, and two, it can't have been the reason why he left… whatever he left to abandon his previous life. A little startled that maybe he knew something she didn't, Nicola probed the place he pointed out but all she could feel was the healing shard in her… in her pocket… All of the sudden she recalled what Raphael told her before.

Hesitantly, she dug the glowing crystal out of her vest and lifted it for Raphael to see better and asked a wordless question which he answered almost immediately.

"The shards… they hurt me.."

This was probably the lowest Nicola's eyebrows have ever descended, making the look of confusion on her face even more blatant. I thought they were supposed to be healing shards? Why would something made to heal one person hurt another?

"How?"

With an expression of anguish, Raphael placed his hand over his chest and took a small gasp of air as if to make his point.

"I created them.. and some of them hurt…"

The revelation made Nicola's jaw fall slack. She'd been suspecting this before when Raphael referred to the crystal as "his" shard but hearing the confirmation almost had her gag. How many times a healing shard has saved either her or someone else from the Tree, she couldn't count on both of her hands. After Ulthane snatched her from the Fallen's talons it took the large one to heal her and make sure she survives afterwards and still it shattered after it served its purpose. At this very moment, no one could ever convince her that the sad, mad angel before her is evil in any way. With a huff of disbelief she shook her head, shifting her gaze between Raphael and the shard.

"Wait, hold up, you made those?! Oh.. my God, I could kiss you, my dude."

A very undignified snort almost escaped Nicola when she saw the face Raphael made. Something between astonishment, horror and curiosity. She remained oblivious to how improper it sounded in his ears. He cocked his head again. Goddamnit. Every time he does that, Nicola just… can't. It constantly reminds her of a puppy looking at some bizarre wonder of nature.

"But.. why would you want to do this..?"

"It's an expression. In other words, I wanted to say I can't thank you enough. How did someone like you ever end up in… like- like this?"

Nicola said "like this" in the last moment before she could say "in such a shitty situation" because she realised just in time how inappropriately awful this sounds, considering they're in the damned sewers. I'll have to learn to stop accidentally making jokes.. For some reason Jones absolutely adored her for it, unlike most of her friends who kept either groaning or facepalming every time and begging her to stop before they kicked a bucket from the sheer badness of her jests. The kitten in Raphael's lap meowed in annoyance when it lost the touch of the angel, coaxing him to keep smoothing out its fur still stained with dried blood. He did, and Nicola didn't miss that he was deliberately avoiding her gaze.

"Long story.. very long.."

"That's alright, we have time!"

The words left her mouth before she could stop them. Her curiosity was just too strong. Besides, Nicola wasn't going anywhere anytime soon with how her leg was fairing (just thinking about how worried Ulthane and the rest have to be made her a little sick) and she honestly doubted Raphael is going anywhere either. But the way it came out made her sound like she was prying to get to something the angel clearly wished to keep to himself. Whether because it was something to be ashamed of or something very unpleasant to speak of. In honesty, Nicola was sure he would scowl at her for this but he simply looked away with a grim look on his face. And it was even worse because it made her feel awful.

"Oh… sorry, if you don't wanna talk about it then it's alright! You don't have to tell me."

"Another time.. rest now."

He hummed and extended one finger towards Nicola's forehead. Before she had time to ask him what he was doing, he lightly poked her right between her eyebrows and all of the sudden she felt unbelievably drowsy. She blinked a couple of times but everything was starting to double before her eyes which were closing all by themselves. With a wide yawn Nicola soon fell into the embrace of magical slumber Raphael called upon her.

He caught her before she could fall down and lowered her onto the blankets to let her sleep in peace. The poor human needed her rest to make up for the amount of blood she lost merely an hour before. Sitting back, Raphael settled for keeping a silent vigil over her until magic wore off. What am I going to do with you? He wondered. For some reason he felt so inexplicably drawn to her and couldn't help it. Something about her was just easing in the pain and warming up the empty void in his tormented soul, even if only a little. The small animal he rescued before rubbed its fuzzy head against his hand and started to knead the fabric of his trousers with its laughably tiny claws that compared to demons' talons were nothing. Still, it stung a tiny little bit. Despite this, Raphael let it curl up in his lap again and fall asleep as well while he watched the human woman and the strange spark dancing within her like a candlelight.

--------------------------------------------------

Chapter II is done! Getting angsty. And say hi to Raphael's kitty. Isn't it cute? :3

Also, here's part 1 if you haven't seen it yet.

[ridiasfangirlings]

Following the ask where yata and fushimi don't make out post rok, what if fushimi some time after this has a mental breakdown and burns his parents old house, maybe even considering dying there since his life seems so meaningless? (then sarumi happens under tears ofc/there will be no world without sarumi)

Okay I gotta admit it took me a minute to realize you meant the ask where they don't make up post-ROK because I was like 'Don't get so dramatic Fushimi just because Yata won't make out with you D:' This would be really depressing though, imagine post-ROK it seems like everything's going well for everyone else with the Slate destroyed and Munakata's life saved, Homra and Scepter 4 are finally on good terms and everything seems calm and peaceful and then there's poor Fushimi still miserable and alone. I'm thinking in this scenario not only have Fushimi and Yata not made up but maybe Yata's pretty much given up on Fushimi too and he's decided to not even rise to Fushimi's bait anymore, like Fushimi tries to get Yata to hate him and fight with him but Yata just shakes his head and says it's over, he's not doing this because there's no reason for the two of them to fight. Fushimi gets pissed and tries to force Yata to fight him, throwing knives and maybe actually even trying to hurt Yata but Yata stands firm, even if it makes him miserable he's decided that he just has to let Fushimi go and give up on what seems like a pipe dream of Fushimi ever wanting to be friends with him again.

So this leaves Fushimi feeling even more isolated, it seems like everyone around him is fine and happy and living their lives and he's just like here left behind with nowhere to go. Scepter 4's work has been slowing down too and Munakata keeps telling him to take some time off to recover but Fushimi manages to convince himself that really he's just being thrown away again. He tries to focus on anything except Yata but he's distracted and agitated, constantly scratching his burn until it bleeds and snapping at anyone who dares to talk to him. The rest of the squad are concerned but they don't know what to do, Fushimi even refuses to listen to Munakata and Awashima and he storms off if anyone tries to sit down and talk to him properly. He's just absolutely convinced that he doesn't really belong here and he doesn't belong anywhere, and losing Yata is like the final match that burned his precious anthill for good.

Finally one day he's walking around aimlessly through the city and he comes upon his old house, still empty and he looks up at the window where he once saw that image of Niki looking down at him. Fushimi's hands start to shake as he touches the doorknob, the door squeaks and opens right up, unlocked. Fushimi walks inside and the place is just empty and dusty, Kisa's had it on the market since Niki died but no one's ever bought it and it just reminds Fushimi of how wide and empty it always seemed to him. He walks into what was his old room and sits down in the center of floor, remembering how Yata once came here and took care of him and suddenly he just starts laughing. Fushimi laughs until he's choking on it, not even feeling the tears falling down his face as he slams his hands down on the floor and summons all the Red power he can. In moments the place begins to catch fire and Fushimi just sits there with a crooked smile, mouthing Yata's name and knowing that nothing's going to happen, no one's going to come this time.

That's when the door slams open and Yata runs in, tackling Fushimi to the ground and wanting to know what the fuck he's doing. Fushimi looks up at Yata through hazy eyes and it's strange, because it looks like Misaki is here and there might be tears on his cheeks and that makes no sense to Fushimi at all because why would Misaki be here now crying. Yata's swearing as he grabs Fushimi and just drags him out of the burning house, both of them coughing and choking on the smoke and they can hear sirens in the distance as Yata pulls Fushimi away from danger. Fushimi manages to gather enough strength to push Yata away but Yata's immediately there again, grabbing his shoulders and demanding to know what he was doing like 'you could have died you asshole, is that what you want?' Fushimi looks up at him coldly and wonders what Yata cares, didn't Yata throw him away already. No one needs him, so it shouldn't matter what he chooses to do.

Yata stares at him blankly for a moment and then just hauls off and punches him in the face, as Fushimi's reeling from the blow he suddenly feels arms around him as Yata desperately hugs him super tight and buries his face in Fushimi's shoulder. Fushimi's totally stunned, not moving as Yata brokenly asks him how the hell he could think that, he's important to Yata and there's no way Yata would ever be all right if Fushimi died. Fushimi says Yata was the one who left him and Yata's like you fucking moron I didn't leave you, I tried everything to hold onto you and I thought you were the one who didn't want to be with me. Fushimi says he doesn't need any kind of half-hearted pity, he knew from the start that Yata would leave him the same way everyone else does. Yata calls him on his bullshit, like this isn't pity or anything else like that, Fushimi's still his most important person and if he died Yata would be lost, he wouldn't ever be the same if Fushimi wasn't here anymore. Fushimi stares at him and Yata's just looking back at him with the most honest expression and clutching him so tight it's like he never wants to let go and finally Fushimi just breaks, grabbing tightly onto Yata and repeating his name over and over again as Yata holds him close.

[ruffiorocks]

Long post about the reasons Lena sold Cat Co.

FYI very Anti James Olsen, and not very Kara friendly either. You've been warned 😊

This makes me sad, even though it was obvious Lena would sell Cat Co. What's heart breaking about it is Lena was essentially driven away from her own company.

Remember when Kara was ghosting her at the beginning of season 3? She only came back to Lena when she needed her for something, ie. Help with Cat Co. What did Lena do? Lena FREAKING brought it!

Kara "no! Edge has Cat Co!"

Lena "no... I brought it" - Lena hesitates when she says this as though she isn't sure how Kara, who has recently been a jack ass to her would react.

She then gets more confident and says

"pretty bad ass right" - she sounds so pleased with herself and is expecting Kara to be happy.

Kara? Basically says she quit. She came to Lena for the first time in ages to rant and rave, complain and then basically ask her to help sort it and Lena DOES! But Kara seems to forget all of this and just quits het job.

Lena is shocked and is like

"well unquit!! I can't do this without you! I don't know anything about running a media empire"

Kara, like she can't be arsed and didn't just get what she went to Lena for says "well neither do I". It's so dismissive, and it's bullshit since she does know how that stuff works to a point because she was Cat Grants FREAKING assistant! Kara was waaaay more qualified than bloody James "I take pictures of my posing best friends" Olsen.

This here just proves that Lena would have had second thoughts about have brought Cat Co if she knew at the time Kara was going to quit. She clearly thought Kara would be there to help her run it.

Lena also says "how often do you get to work with your best friend" it's so cute, and so sad. Lena was looking forward to working with Kara.

Fast forward to the end of the Episode and Kara has a realisation that Lena Luthor is a God Send and did EXACTLY what Kara wanted and couldn't give a rats ass she quit and decides being a"boo hoo my boyfriend is gone so I can no longer be the person I was well established to be before he showed up" Emo is ridiculous.

So first day at Cat Co and the elevator opens up to Lena and she looks excited and then meets Eve, who to be fair (even though we know what happens) is actually the nicest person to Lena the whole time she's at Cat Co and that includes her best friend and boyfriend.

James is shocked she dared show up to her own business without informing him, he then has the gall to say they don't have an office ready for her, erm.... James? Cats office is now HER office! Every office in Cat Co belongs to Lena now. He just assumes he's still running things and says he was thinking about weekly updates. Lena who is clearly used to men telling her how to run her businesses and setting her aside tells him there's no need and she will be there every day. James again is SHOCKED his new BOSS is going to be at her the place she spent $750 mil on 😑

Kara shows up and to begin with is a little love who gives Lena a diary and basically calls her family. But then Immediately runs off the moment Lena asks her to do something.

Kara does this more than once and Lena asks James what's she's doing and James dismisses Lena's question with a snotty "she's a reporter! It's what she does!" Seriously rude!! I don't give a rats ass she didn't tell James she was turning up and she did tell Kara. She had a reason to tell Kara, she wanted to work with her and trusts her. She had no reason to tell James, she has every reason to turn up and check out the buisness and how he's running it without him or anyone else dressing it up because the boss is there.

Lena is an understanding angel and even though Kara is ignoring instructions and being rude Lena isn't rude back. When Kara pushes it past the limit Lena has no choice but to reprimand her. Kara took full advantage of Lena here, thinking she could just do what she wanted because that's what she has been doing with James running things. News flash Kara, Lena isn't in on why you ditch work every 5 minutes.

Kara realizes she's been an ass and apologizes and Lena, understanding as ever immediately forgives and they hug it out.

Later Lena tragically gets involved with James even though he was pushy and handsy when she said she didn't want to do anything without talking to Kara first, because Sister's before Misters! She dotes on his ungrateful ass and he puts her whole business at risk by meeting and working with the COL which she told him not to do. Which she is FULLY entitled to so as his boss. He of course ignores her, she gets him a TV appearence to talk with Ben Lockwood which would boost his career and putCat Co in a anti COL light but noooo... Apparently Lena has no say in work matters! Did you read that correctly? Lena has NO say in WORK MATTERS!! why didn't she fire his ass on the spot?!!

So James, only caring for his ego and wanting to be relevant since no one ever remembers he's Guardian feels that hanging out with terrorists is more important than his job as the face of Cat Co, putting Cat Co at risk. To further put Lena's business in jepordy he picks KARA the junior reporter to take his place?!! Kara?? There wasn't a fully qualified journalist with more experience available? Well that went to shit anyway because Ben Lockwood destroyed Kara in that debate.

James nearly gets himself killed, nearly gets Kara killed, nearly commits an act of terrorism without any regard whatsover about what Lena, a LUTHORS association with the poster boy of the COL would look like, no regard for her hard earned reputation and no regard for her business.

James even humiliates her further by making her look whiny at Thanksgiving dinner in front of all their friends, even though 5 seconds later his little Field Trip with the COL proves how clueless he is since he didnt even realize what they were doing. He basically praised the guy he was with and thought he was on to something. What... A... Dumb... Ass!!

Remember James also revealed himself as Guardian, a STUPID idea that serves Virtually no real purpose, but Lena was supportive because she's an angel!! But he's a dumb ass and thinks he is above the law and thought HE of all people was able to stop the DA from going through with the charges against him for being a vigilante. James ACTUALLY thought by doing NOTHING he had fixed the problem, like the authorities just forget these things?

He decides going out as Guardian is a good idea even though no one needs him to do this and he serves no real purpose as Guardian. But Lena because she isn't a moron, tells him he WILL go to prison. He insults her and says she worries to much and he sorted that issue. Here Lena finally tells this jack ass that she solved that issue and what was his response to her declaration of love and not wanting to see him go to prison or die? "If you think that's what love is, I don't want it!" And he leaves her in a corridor to awkwardly go back into Kara's loft, humiliated.

James goes all Ross Gheller and invades Lena's space at L Corp after she told him she was busy and thankfully she kicks his ass out!

He pretends to be on board with her Harun El ideas and uses this to get her into bed, only to sit up looking awkward about it while she sleeps. (Jesus my 34 brother watched this and was like 'he basically lied so he could sleep with her)

James considers using Lena's own resources to investigate her?!!

Lena thankfully dumps his ass and stops coming to Cat Co.

Now here's where its really relevant:

Kara and James basically run Cat Co without Lena to the point she doesn't even show up anymore. Harun El experiments aside, Lena no longer feels excited to be working at at Cat Co on a new adventure with Kara. Plus why would she want to see James??

Kara basically ignores Lena as Kara but she treats her like absolute garbage as Supergirl. Then returns to her as her bestie Kara. Lena was up to this point unaware she was being duped. Lena even makes a comment to Kara when she FINALLY decides to remerge as Kara Danvers that Kara hasn't been there at all but Alex has.

Lena finds out that Supergirl asked Lena's BOYFRIEND to spy on her and betray her trust which he actually does do btw, then he sours things even further between Lena and Supergirl by revealing it?? What purpose did that really serve? And NO! Do not tell me 'he had to be honest' what he HAD to do, was not break into L Corp in the first place!

Now we have Alex reprimanding Supergirl for being an ass to Lena and they come to a shaky truce.

During this time Lena and Kara get close again by trying to track down Lex and then Lena and Supergirl have a few bonding moments. Kara, however let's Lena think she's been blown up for a good few seconds!!

Now Lena finds out that Kara has been lying to her this whole time, it was Kara who treated her like garbage as Supergirl, Kara who interfered in her personal relationships. It was all the other super friends all lying to her. Etc etc. She even saw Kara burning all the pics Linda's cell so Lena won't find out. She learns all of this from Lex of all people! This just tells Lena that Kara never trusted her, second guessing why they are even friends? Realising Kara tricked her into revealing personal feelings she would Never have told Supergirl to her, yelled at her, called her a Luthor and then came back to her as he shoulder to cry on oh and let her think she had died.

Yeah..... I wouldn't want to work at Cat Co with ANY of them either. No way is Lena going to want to work with James and Kara (I know James is leaving) and be the one paying their wages.

Lena was Virtually driven from Cat Co by James and Kara even before she learned the super secret. She was never really treated with the respect she deserved as their boss, and the thing is she never demanded it, she only pulled rank when they were being jack asses and thinking they were above being told what to do, acting like Lena being the owner and boss meant nothing.

Poor Lena's enthusiasm for working at Cat Co with Kara died very early on. Mostly thanks to both James and Kara. All that joy and optimism she had? It's all gone. 😢😢

So I'm glad she sold it!

[flyingcatstiel]

1. Hello again, I am the same anon who sent both of your latest two anonasks. I think there was some confusion so I'll clarify. I don't even ship stony(I've only read handfuls of fics), I ship destiel and I like all mcu characters equally and I am not team cap nor iron but I am a bitter cas girl. There was NO intention to bring any wank or ships/characters bashing to your blog. I was just so angry with 'we are' and your answer to the first ask got me thinking about stony.

2. But my ask was poorly and inadequately worded to confuse you of the ulterior intention and I apologize. Though I shouldn’t have use the ship names when I meant their general relationship both in canon and fanon, what I meant was in regard to the same situation, which is their mother’s deaths, Tony actually drew blood and all Dean did was say some words,

3. so one might think that actual physical conflicts not induced by any supernatural event indicate bad relationship but I feel Dean and Cas’s friendship and general relationship more unhealthy and unbalanced.

4. Now I just decided for my self that that’s probably because Tony and Steve has different visions, families, groups of friends and support system so even if there is conflict between them, Tony still got Pepper Rhodey and Happy and Steve got Bucky Nat and Sam.

5. So no one is left alone in the world. But if Dean’s angry with Cas, Cas is alone in the universe. I meant unhealthy like that. Cas has no one except Winchester families and if that makes Cas desperate for sense of belong and makes him apologize like that, that imao is unhealthy. But all in all, I am sorry for the confusion. I shouldn’t have been so blunt and out of the blue. Post 1502 made me go blind with unreasonable fury.

6. On a different note it’s interesting how wording and context make differences between being perceived as wank baiting anon hate or anon thanks. And I hope that this message is accepted as the latter because I am always grateful of all your reasonable words about Spn and fandom fruits. :) thanks for reading.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heey, sorry for total misunderstanding with the previous ask and thank you for coming back and clarifying it! And yes, I’m kinda jumpy lately, since couple of my spn critical posts were hijacked by destiel haters and also earned me the blocking from destiel positivity crowd. That’s the fandom we have and that is one huge reason why I’m slowly sauntering into MCU fandom. To be brutally honest, that’s my advice to all bitter Cas girls - get out before you get too frustrated and hurt. The show will continue Cas whump because they don’t know what else to do, and destiel metas will spend all their energy justifying it. Instead of, you know, just saying that bad writing is bad writing. You can always come and vent in my inbox or via DM tho, I’ll try to answer as much as I can, because I feel you. 

OK, very quickly about CW movie and Tony’s anger vs Dean’s anger. I don’t think Tony’s situation is comparable at all here. Tony learns about Bucky killing his parents on Hydra’s orders after a long chain of very intense conflicts. That was literally the last drop, there’s little time to process it, and it is the culmination of the movie. On the other side, Dean and Cas conflict is never the centerpiece of SPN, it’s all subtext and Dean’s POV. Dean blaming Cas for Mary’s accidental death comes absolutely out of nowhere. They all knew that Jack is using his soul to do stuff, they all knew Jack needs supervision. FFS, Jack just brought Sam back from dead by using his soul. And now Cas is to blame for it? Not to mention that Dean and Cas relationship is way more complicated than MCU stony. Even if we take out romantic destiel subtext out of it, textually, Cas still is the closest person to Dean after Sam. Dean has called Cas his family, his brother several times. Dean grieved Cas in s13. And now, suddenly, it all means nothing because Dean is angry? Unpopular opinion about SPN writers under the cut.

I said it already back then and I still stand by my words - Berens wrote the line “You are dead to me” deliberately to yank the fandom. There are plenty of other words he could have used if he simply wanted to show Dean’s grief and uncontrollable anger towards Cas. Instead, SPN focused on one thing that would hurt the most and then used it in the promo. I literally saw post on my dash saying that OP was not gonna watch the episode because SPN is just meh, but, after seeing that promo, OP wanted to know why Dean said something so hideous to Cas. Remember how fans hoped that it’s a misleading promo? Remember how fans hoped that Dean will apologize to Cas? There’s an understanding that that line was too much. And, after s14 finale, I saw posts talking about how this is not relevant anymore because surely Jack’s death and Chuck’s machinations override whatever anger Dean could have towards Cas for not telling him about snake. And then 15x01 brought us that passive aggressive scene and, well, 15x02 took the cake. 

So, while I totally agree with you that the scene between Dean and Cas was terrible, my way of dealing with it is to blame SPN writers. First of all, I don’t understand what Dean is talking about there. Nothing was real? Does he mean some kind of Matrix type of reality where the real Dean is sleeping in a pod? Otherwise, it was all real. Tell Kevin Tran that his death and time after death was not real. Tell it to Jo, Charlie, Eileen that their deaths were not real. Cas speech is nice, but, honestly, not a groundbreaking revelation. Whedon’s Angel said it wittier, Dumbledore and Gandalf said it more fitting for their stories. There’s a Jewish proverb with similar sentiment. Like, this is nothing new! Our choices matter, sometimes it is the only thing that matters. I mean, everyone who has lived under authoritarian regimes, everyone who’s a minority and has to deal with privileged majority, knows this. To make Dean to refuse it in s15, is honestly very baffling. 

Like, I see that SPN writers want to draw some parallels with s4 by flipping Dean and Cas beliefs, but, scene subversion works only if you know why the first scene worked in the first place. I think this scene would have worked better if Dean would be just venting his understandable frustration with the situation. But instead, we got Cas apologizing, Dean still blaming Cas for Mary’s death (seriously wtf?) and then Dean walking out on Cas and refusing Cas’ belief in their choices being real. 

And here I come to my last point. Dean saying that their choices were not real because Chuck manipulated everything sounds very much like privileged middle class white people suddenly realizing that they are not calling the shots and then throwing into a towel. This really looks like the most “profound” revelation Bucklemming could’ve come up with. They gave similar moronic lines to Cas in 9x03, when Cas, former angel who watched humanity for thousand of years, was surprised that poor people are kind and generous. 

So, to me it looks like SPN writers are trying to be deep but in the end they write what they know best - angry white man is always right trope and le omg, if I’m not the center of the universe then everything was not real story. Which sucks, tbh. And clashes with older seasons of SPN. But here we are. And, since the conflict between Dean and Cas is based on such a weak argument, there can’t be real resolution, catharsis and growth. The current conflict serves only one purpose - to keep Cas and Dean on bad terms and to make Cas leave (because Misha’s contract something something). My worst fear - this stupid conflict will set Cas on self destructive/sacrificial path, and that will be it. Because let’s be serious, destiel is not the most important thing in s15. It’s just not. 

[adroitsolidity]

"Chains Won't Hold Me Down"

❇

It seemed like taboo to even think about the fact that things had seemed to settle back down after Damian left the CIA, and Zach had simply just /thought/ about the fact that things seemed calmer and then they started to fall apart again a bit a week or so after Damian left. Zach didn't feel much better, and still couldn't for the life of him figure out why, and it didn't seem to matter how much he racked his brain trying to figure it out. Things were changing, they seemed so different, and Zach struggled to figure out why. He continued to try and keep Conner and Braxton happy and free from concern, while he carried a lot on his shoulders. Something about being around Conner was different, but Zach didn't know if it was just all of the stress or if he was simply overthinking, and he did the best he could to shrug it off and simply work through it, being his quirky self and making lame jokes and movie references like he always did. What was it that was making Zach feel so much conflict? He was carrying a lot on his own, and he continued to struggle to figure out exactly what it was. He didn't know, he had no idea, and it had started to fester to a point where he was being left speechless.

It didn't escape Braxton's notice, and it especially didn't escape Conner's, but Zach kept doing what he could to just laugh it off and reassure them that he was okay. When he was alone, though, his mind absolutely reeled, and Conner was the most difficult one to hide it from because he was very observant, and Zach knew that he wasn't fooling anyone, especially not Conner. His heart and mind seemed to be doing a lot of different things, and it was all really confusing to Zach so he ended up spending most of his time in the training room, trying to keep his distance from most people while he tried to un-jumble everything in his head. He felt something...something he'd never felt and couldn't put a label on. But what? It was frustrating him, and he went at a punching bag more aggressively than what was normal for him until he heard a female voice he was more than tired of hearing over the intercom saying his name. Zach stopped going at the bag and stood in front of it, snapping his eyes shut and heaving an irritated sigh as he listened.

"Zachariah Morone, report to the Executives' office for yearly evaluation."

He growled under his breath and groaned in frustration before hitting the bag /hard/ and then moving before it swung back and hit him, then he took the gloves he was wearing off and unwrapped his hands as he made his way over to the door, setting those things on a bench before exiting the training room and making his way to the elevator. His brown eyes were dark and stony, and his jaw was clenched as he watched the number go up before the doors finally slid open. Zach walked out of the elevator and turned down the hallway that led to the Executive office, on edge just like he was every time he had to go in there as soon as the door finally came into view, and he heaved another sigh and clenched his jaw a little bit tighter before stopping in front of the closed door. He raised a hand to knock on the door but hesitated, holding his hand up for a moment and taking a breath before finally making himself knock on the door, then he took a step back and waited for them to either open the door or simply tell him to enter.

Footsteps approached the door from the other side, and Zach looked down at the crack on the bottom of the door to see a shadow from under the door, and he took another step back and looked back up as soon as he heard the door being opened. The woman that he'd had to deal with more times than he cared to think about gave him a once over before she motioned for him to enter the room, and he shook his head a little and walked past her and into the room, looking around at everyone before focusing on the woman who was standing in front of him again. Without even thinking about it, he had been standing at attention but was also taking in everything that was going on around him, just like he had always been told.

"Agent Morone. Born Zachariah Emmanuel Morone. Date of Birth, August 8th, 1993. He's been an agent for 7 years, and has worked very closely with Director McAlister."

Zach's gut seemed to jolt ever so slightly as he listened to the woman speak, like she did every time she did an evaluation of his progress, but it seemed to trigger something different in Zach that time around. It made some of the frustration he'd been feeling before come back, but he bit it back and stayed quiet. Conner always told Zach to never give them any kind of reaction because it was what they wanted, it was what they were looking for. They used people as weapons, so if Zach did anything to spark their interest, they would have gone after him, too. So as much as Zach wanted to beat the living daylights out of every single person in that room, he didn't only because Conner had told him not to. His gut seemed to jolt a bit every time he thought about anything Conner said or did, or when he just heard his name, and that had never happened to him before. It made him furrow his brow ever so slightly, but his attention was pulled away when one of the men in the room started to speak, and his gaze moved from the woman in front of him to a man standing off to his right. The knife that Conner had bought Zach was on his belt in its sheath, right where it always was, but he felt the weight of it a bit as he listened to what the man had to say, using every ounce of willpower he had to not pull it out and use it on them.

"There was an incident recently that seemed to render the Director...distracted. And I believe that, if I gathered the right information, /you/ were involved."

An indication that he was involved, taking in what they were saying, or was even the least bit interested was expected of him, but he got very stubborn and simply didn't give them one, staying completely quiet and still as the man began to speak again. Conner's words were echoing in Zach's head, and he continued to give them absolutely nothing; no reaction, just nothing. His eyes were dangerous and his expression was neutral, but he didn't give them anything else to go off of.

"The Director is our most important asset. We can't afford for him to be distracted for any reason, so we need you to keep your distance for a short while. We'll have one of our specialized trainers come in and work with you. But we can't have our best asset distracted in any way. His power and influence are far too valuable to us."

Zach couldn't do it anymore. It was going to go against everything Conner had told him, but they were talking about him like he was some weapon, again, and that finally made Zach just crack and lose what little composure he'd managed to keep up to that point. He knew he was going to be sorry for speaking out, but on the other hand he couldn't find it in himself to care and was in full-blown "retaliation mode".

"No. Y'know what...that's a bunch of bullshit. Fuck you and your specialized trainer. He's not a god damn weapon...he's a human being. I'm not gonna work with another trainer, I work for Conner and that's it."

He paused for a moment and looked around the room, cutting off the woman when she went to speak and turning his attention back to the man that had been responsible for setting Zach off, his tone getting lower and more dangerous as he locked his eyes onto the guy and continued.

"His name's Conner. He isn't just some damn weapon, he isn't just your fucking 'asset'. That's a person, you demented fucks. Not some war machine you can just sick on people! Not just some killer you can send wherever the fuck you want! And no..."

He turned his attention from the man back over to the woman that he had cut off before, his tone very dangerous at that point.

"He isn't my brother. Not anymore. He's more important than that. It's /you/ that have been hurting him! Not me! And I'll face off against all of you if I have to, and I'll do it for him! I don't give a damn if you hurt me, or talk down to me! But you're not gonna get to treat him like some fucking prize anymore! Ya wanna come at me like I'm nothing? Then fucking do it!"

Movement from the corner of Zach's eye suddenly caught his attention, and one of the men off to his right moved in to grab him and pull him away from the woman. He immediately turned on the guy and harshly grabbed his arm, keeping his footing steady and his grip firm as he shifted and moved to throw the guy through the table that was in the middle of the room before he turned on one of the others that came at him. He dodged a punch and grabbed another man's wrist, twisting hard and then wrenching it until he heard a loud snap and the guy yelled in pain as Zach threw him to the ground harshly.

Another fist came flying toward Zach's face, and he didn't move in time to dodge that one, getting knocked sideways a bit and groaning as knuckles made contact with his cheekbone. He didn't feel a crack, but he knew he was definitely going to have yet another bruise on his face, that one a fresh one, and he dodged a kick coming at him and pulled out his knife, twirling it between his fingers before lodging it into the woman's leg as she kicked at him again, drowning out her screams and twisting the knife before he pulled it out and kicked her so hard she flew back against the wall. The last one left in the room didn't make a move to go at Zach, and he kept his eyes on him and his knife in his hand, ready to act in the event that the man might change his mind. He didn't, which surprised Zach, but he didn't give it any more of his attention. Zach lashed out at the man and punched him in the face a couple of times before throwing him to the ground, then spit the blood he tasted in his mouth from the one really hard hit he'd taken onto the man's face and threw his badge at him.

"I fucking quit. You all can go to Hell."

With that, Zach turned and walked out of the room, rolling his eyes as he heard hobbled footsteps going to the door and then stopping.

"If you walk out of here, you'll be categorized as a rogue, Zachariah!"

That was enough to make Zach stop in his tracks, and he closed his eyes and clenched his jaw as he thought about that. A rogue. Zach was about to go rogue, even though he was never going back there once he left. The decision was made, though, and even though Zach couldn't get his mind around what he had just done, and the word 'rogue' kept bouncing around in his skull, he couldn't stay there any longer than he had. The feelings he'd been feeling suddenly made sense, and the thing he had wanted to do to them for so long had finally been done, but Zach's mind was so rattled that he didn't have any words, so he just started walking again. He was a rogue, and suddenly, the words he'd said to them about Conner /not/ being his brother were bouncing around in his head too. It made more sense at that moment. Zach loved Conner, he was /in love/ with him, and had fought the highest ranking people in the CIA for him because of how they treated him. He'd done what he had wanted to do, something he thought he wouldn't have ever done, and he was getting ready to walk away from the last seven years of his life.

He was going to pack and get out. That was all there was to it.

[agent-85]

Hello Agent85!! ^^ Just saw the ep... That arc is way too long... and it makes less and less sense. I really can't stand it anymore! The framework is supposed to be a copy of our world and for some reason now the laws of physics and basic biology don't apply anymore ? Fitz is a scientist! how the hell does aida's survival make any sense to him!? (and that stupid nazi youth hair...) Then, where is Jemma's smartness? and what is she doing? This all world is fake and she knows it! (1)

(2) so why would she think even for a second that the machine would be in this fake world ? I didn't buy it at all. And still no Fitzsimmons... all the aidaxfitz's PDA are beyond disgusting. urgh! And finally in what universe did someone find it a good idea to give Ward any kind of redemption arc? :/ Sorry it's not very joyful but I'm so tired of it all... Anyway thanks Jane! You're amazing! and only your light cheer me up lately.

Hey there!

This arc is wearing me out, too. Not to say that there aren’t things I like about it, but I just love Fitz so much and it’s really hard for me to see him like this. I know they’re doing it for plot reasons, but they drew a lot of things out during season 3 that I did not like very much, either.

But I had the opposite reaction to this last episode! Everything makes a lot MORE sense to me now. We know what AIDA’s goal is, and again, I just cannot believe that I missed what this is all about: the parameters. It’s SO OBVIOUS, looking back, since there was so much set up for it. Here I was, thinking that AIDA would just want to stay in her little dictatorship forever, when it’s clear that she has even greater ambitions. After all, what dictator wants to be limited as to whom they can murder?

Regarding the things that don’t make sense, namely AIDA’s fall: as I’ve said before, I believe that’s intentional. If they wanted to fudge it, it would have been two or three stories. She was FIFTY stories up, maybe more. You don’t need to know anything about medicine to know she would go splat. It’s obvious.

And, as we know, when people die in the Framework, they die in real life. It’s a common sci-fi trope that I happen to love immensely. Usually, the idea is that since the person believes that they’re dying, and people are afraid of dying, they basically get scared to death. Or, you know, their body just gets tricked into reacting the way it would react if the scenario were real. But AIDA is not real, so there is no real body to react to her scenario. Only an android would be able to survive that fall.

But beyond that, this just shows how much control she has over her world. She cannot only survive the fall, but she has also managed to BRAINWASH everyone around her so much that they don’t realize what she’s just done. But of course, they don’t notice a LOT of things she’s done, like spend all her resources on a Real Girl Machine that benefits Hydra . . . how, exactly?

I know I keep saying they were BRAINWASHED, and I am going to keep saying it in all caps until people get it. There is an extreme degree of conditioning going on here meant to override morals, character traits, and anything that would get in AIDA’s way.

And how perfect is it that after this ridiculous fall, Bakshi arrives on the scene asking what story he should tell, only to be lied to by Fitz. Think about it: AIDA is lying about the nature of reality to Fitz, who lies to Bakshi, who lies to everyone. AIDA is peddling deception compounded on deception. They’re all different lies, of course, and all of the liars know that they are lying, but they are all designed to give AIDA everything she wants. So how, may I ask, can anyone find the truth if they are blinded to basic laws of decency? To basic laws of the natural world?

If Fitz, a genius engineer, can’t tell that AIDA is lying to him about his own area of expertise, how can he tell that she’s lying to him about everything else?

How can he recognize basic truths if he can’t recognize Jemma’s face?

So, AIDA’s impossible fall reemphasizes two important truths: AIDA is not a person, and AIDA has complete control. These were things we already knew, but now we see those truths working in a context, so we see just how dangerous they she truly is.

Another thing it does is give Jemma a foot in the door when she finally has the chance to confront Fitz on the nature of his reality. She now can appeal to him emotionally and scientifically. Daisy only had an emotional argument, and we can see that AIDA has used Papa Fitz to condition Fitz to reject emotion. But needed his scientific mind, so that remains intact. The fact that Jemma will be able to use this scientific argument, in addition to the fact that her emotional argument will be infinitely stronger because of their bond, makes me very optimistic that Jemma will be able to chip away at the walls Fitz has been programmed to put up.

But of course, there’s the caveat that they’ve set up perfect scenarios like this before and completely trashed them. We were all convinced that the necklace and Will’s stupid science background were clues to all kinds of things, but it just ended up being lazy writing. In this case, however, it seems a lot more deliberate, and I’m honestly hoping they’ve learned from their mistakes. They have to know how stupid that 3A was.

As for Jemma’s smarts, this is another plot reasons thing. I’ll be honest, I didn’t think that hard about it while I was watching, too blinded by the sunshine of Trip, so that didn’t seem that stupid to me. Jemma doesn’t just have to figure out what the solution is; she has to guide us viewers to the conclusion in an entertaining way. And revealing it the way she did was way more dramatic. It’s a trope that’s been done a thousand times because so many people love it.

Still, I was upset, like you are, about the lack of FitzSimmons. Jemma should have tried to get to him during this episode, even if nobody would let her. They haven’t been together in this arc, but they have been talking about each other. (Which, by the way, is basically the only prediction I’ve gotten right so far.) We’ve gotten Jemma’s confession of love to Ward, which is HUGE. 

Jemma didn’t outright tell Fitz she was ready to have a relationship; she said they were wasting time by not being in a relationship. She didn’t tell LMD Fitz that she wanted to marry Fitz; she only said she would give Fitz the answer. She’s now comfortable with telling Fitz she loves him, but she doesn’t talk about it to other people, especially her enemies. And yet, she basically screamed it at Ward! I can’t express how important that is!

We have never seen Jemma be that blunt about her feelings before. Never. 

With Fitz, we’re seeing something very different—how not to love somebody. Fitz and AIDA’s relationship is supposed to be repulsive. We are supposed to think that it’s wrong. After all, AIDA and Agnes, who share a face, are romantically linked to Fitz and Radcliffe, who have a father/son relationship. So, it’s not only evil and abusive—it’s a little incestuous. They are hitting all the bases here. It’s a stark contrast to the loving partnership of equals that sacrifices everything to save the world. In fact, a starker contrast could not exist, unless Jemma was romantically linked to a moron who told her to give up all the time. ;)  

But really, if this doesn’t convince you that FitzSimmons is the end all be all, nothing will.

As for Ward, I’m going to say the same thing I said about LMD Fitz: you can’t blame someone for something someone else did, just because that person has the same face. You can’t credit them, either. Framework Ward does nothing to redeem the real Grant Ward, because the real Grant Ward is dead. In fact, he died on an alien planet while trying to bring Hive into the world, right after he had Jemma tortured. He is, without a doubt, the absolute worst. Nothing that’s happening now can change that. 

In fact, if anything, it adds to his condemnation by showing just how good Ward could have been. Ward was a traitor, yes, but what if he betrayed evil instead of good? What if he actually loved Skye more than he wanted to survive? 

There was a time when we were hoping that Ward’s love for Skye would change him into something better, and now we’ve seen it happen. 

Framework Ward and Real Ward are a lot like FitzSimmons and Fitz x AIDA, actually. We see how good it could be, and we see how bad it can get. I find that incredibly interesting. I love all of the philosophical aspects of this arc.

So, I know that this arc has been hard, but hopefully that clarifies things a little. I’m hoping that we’ve reached the very bottom, and it’s all uphill from here. After all, this is the point where Jemma HAS to go after Fitz, at all costs, for plot reasons. I’m really hoping that we will start to get our reward as early as next Tuesday. 

All we can hope is that they don’t mess it up!

So, thank you so much for your kind words! I hope I was able to cheer you up a bit.