#not a vent just fucking about with effects

[boxchewr]

everything is great!!!!!!!!!!!

[cherry-bomb1985]

I feel like The Father and Hell both understand and experience love in all the worst ways.

The Father sought to create a life form that would follow and love him unconditionally. It wasn't enough that he had a great cosmic kingdom of angels who are unquestioningly loyal, no, he needed something that knew suffering and mortality and the threat of oblivion, and would still find love at the end; love for him above all else. But after numerous implied failures at that, in his desperation, he instead created the threat of eternal damnation to force them to love him in order avert that fate. Lucifer's words must have been like a splash of cold water, but by the time he realized sheer magnitude of suffering he had unintentionally set into motion, it was too late. He could not destroy Hell; he could not stop the cycle of violence.

That guilt drove him to seek a death that, from the looks of it, eluded him in spite of the hollowness consuming him. And now he is... somewhere, helpless to stop his experiments from consuming one another and themselves in a glorious show of blood and violence.

And then there's Hell itself, who seems to recognize love as an act of violence and cruelty. It is something that derives joy only from the suffering of other living creatures. God gave it so many toys to hurt and break and reform, and Mankind gave it new ones. Why would it understand love as anything but? It gave Minos a facsimile of the son he is most ashamed of, and delighted when he cast it, once more, into a labyrinth. Gabriel flattened all the souls within it's confines beneath his heel and gave those that did bend false hopes.

Now there's V1, tearing its way through the remaining layers and creating a spectacle of violence like nothing Hell has ever witnessed before. How could it not love them all for all the entertainment they've provided?

But deep within its recesses, hidden away from the eyes of Heaven, there was a Gutterman. A machine built for war, who eventually came to love that which it gave it life at the cost of their own. Enough to give the human welded within their coffin the mercy that both Heaven and Hell had denied them; enough to write a single love letter to them, even knowing that it would never be read by its intended recipient.

So, as things turn out, you /can/ teach a machine to love. And they will understand and experience it more sincerely than God or Hell ever could.

[vampstel]

Okay, I’m just gonna rip the bandage off. Here’s a long post I wrote a while ago after seeing a comic about someone’s experiences with asexuality.

This is a vent/rant so beware!! Warning for suggestive stuff since you know, this is sexuality talk :P

I’ve been openly asexual for a pretty long time now. It’s not something I talk about very often; I tend to just say it in passing and move on since I get this indescribable “ick” feeling due to the acephobia I’ve received in the past (and because I’ve been sexualized against my own will in the past as well).

I’m trying my best to get rid of that “ick” feeling but after recent events, I feel like I’ve gone back to square one. AKA: I feel humiliated about my sexuality and think it’s invalid.

I’m aceflux, meaning my asexuality can fluctuate but not by much. I may be demiromantic as well but I’m still unsure of that.

Personally, I usually feel very apathetic when it comes to sensual things. Sometimes, that apathy can turn into repulsion; Very extreme repulsion that can make me nauseous. Overall, I just don’t feel sexual attraction and when I do, it’s very minor and at some points… I wouldn’t even consider it sexual attraction? Hell, I don’t even understand what sexual attraction is and why/what people generally find sexually gratifying. Sexual shit flies over my head all the time unless it’s 100% obvious in my eyes.

But anyway… I’m a very aesthetic heavy guy, you could say. It’s really hard to describe it but when I see people, specifically men, I feel attracted to them in a tertiary sense. I like the concept of affection. The thought of being in a close relationship makes me happy. I find men pleasing to the eye and just have a connection with them that can’t be explained. It’s not exactly romantic, nor is it exactly sexual or even platonic. It’s like a secret 4th thing, basically.

That’s all fine and dandy. I’ve accepted that part of my sexuality but what I’ve been very miffed about is openly and unabashedly expressing my attraction (or whatever it is) with men in my art. Which hasn’t happened in years. I’ve been proud of being gay but recently I just feel… Unsafe?

As you know, I draw men a lot. Usually gender nonconforming men, femboys, and muscular men. I sometimes draw art that can be suggestive due to the clothes being revealing, but I do not get sexual gratification from it and it distresses me immensely when people say I do. Hence why I freaked the fuck out about the uh… incident on Twitter that shall not be named.

I know I said I’m fine. That I’ve moved past the whole “people thinking I’m addicted to porn” thing and I have. I think?— After all, it doesn’t make me upset anymore remembering it. However, I won’t deny that the situation has reopened some wounds that’ll take a long time to heal again which sucks.

I’m the problem here, not any other external source. At least right now 💀

I just keep feeling invalid about who I am. Sometimes, I find myself drawing art I like (and think is tame) and suddenly think “…Maybe this is too much. This is fetishizing.” or “I should probably scrape this completely. It might be sexual since I drew a beefy guy in a dress.”

And since I’m blind to sexual and even suggestive things, I get confused and upset. What am I allowed to depict in my art that makes people understand I’m not a faker or have a ‘broken sexuality’? How do I become the “ideal depiction of an asexual guy” that’ll appease myself and the internet? Do I show my character’s skin? Do I hide their assets and make them less curvy or muscular?

And what labels or jokes am I allowed to say that won’t have me or anyone else thinking “Oh yeah this guy’s a fucking freak and should be deplatformed”?

I don’t care what people think of me, usually. I don’t care if people hate me. But nowadays I feel unsafe even in the safe spaces I’ve made for myself and that’s what hurts.

I know and accept that there will always be people who think I’m a freak. There will always be people who think I’m not actually asexual and I’m just saying that to get away with making mildly suggestive content. But the issue is, I’m starting to think I’m a freak by proxy and since I’m repulsed about anything sexual, I’m becoming repulsed about myself and my work.

It’s taken years for me to get comfortable with my unordinary attraction to men. It’s taken even longer for me to get used to the basic parts of the human body and showing off skin IRL and in art without feeling nauseous. And now it feels like I’m trying to get all that progress back again. Just because my dumb brain thinks I’m “broken” after being harassed online a month or so ago.

I could write so much more but this is so long already. I think I may as well just make this topic a special rant video for Pride month. I’m not sure though.

I don’t know how to end this post, especially on a positive note, but just know that I’m trying real hard to get back to being unabashedly me.

I’m probably going to exercise using the labels I use more often to get more accustomed to them without anyone (myself included) thinking “he’s a weirdo!!”. I’m also just gonna up the gender nonconformity themes in my art as well. Shit’s been rough but I’m still hanging and coping with the help of my OCs :3

If you’re asexual, or just struggling with accepting yourself in general. Just know you’re valid. You’re cool. I know that’s a stereotypical thing to say but I mean it. Don’t let your stupid head think you’re a freak. Don’t be like me, is what I’m saying LOL

It’s bad and unhealthy. It’s easier said than done but so long as you slowly build up self acceptance, you’re doing great. And you shouldn’t let people tear you down.

[spotsupstuff]

ok. Now we need to put Moon and Sig in gen 3 puppets because why not? :D

let Moonie let off steam :D

i think big brother doesn't like it much. which is funny considerin the first few drawings of mine with him i gave him these exact legs

[darkacademiaarchivist]

i had a conversation with my aunt today about how the system and politics and basically everything is fucked at the moment (which is true) and she was SO CLOSE to so many points but she never acknowledged that capitalism is the root of so many of those problems... Bestie you're So Close...

[tana-draws]

my brain is so fucking stupid. I was bullied in fourth grade, my friends were like “actually erm we don’t want to be friends with you :/“ on the second to last day of eighth grade (even though we were all zoned for different high schools and would never see eachother anyway). And because of that my brain is, as my therapist and mother (two different people,) theorized, “hyper vigilant for any perceived social ostrichaztion”. The thing is it’s fucking stupid about it. Sure it has the generic “uwu your friends probably hate you secretly” thing.

But it also. Like: I’ll see a post that is somewhat negative towards a thing I like or a trait I even remotely identify with (including stuff as vague as ‘nervous’ or ‘writer’) and I’ll be like “yeah that makes sense” or “I don’t agree but I also don’t care”. But then my brain will repeat the negative phrase on loop for like a week. And will trigger physical reactions (crying, shortness of breath, etc) in response to it. I’ve actually had public panic attacks over things I give 0 shits about because my brain is a fucking helicopter parent.

[beanswithbones]

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[suaimhneas-gairid]

good morning everyone, are we all recovered after whatever that was last night

[n7punk]

i hate scalpers so much fr

[jaynovz]

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[lucyvaleheart]

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[coridallasmultipass]

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[pink-vulpix]

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[muffetscollector]

Did I mention I INTENSLY hate people who lazily write their villains by just summing them up as "mental illness" and when confronted on it they LIST THEIR SOURCE MATERIAL AS FUCKING SHIT THAT STIGMATIZES MENTAL ILLNESS?? LIKE LETS FUCKING GO?? THANKS FOR PROVING MY POINT?? YOU COULDNT EVEN GIVE A SHIT TO TELL THE ACTUAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN OCD AND GOD COMPLEX CORRECT?? LIKE "OC WHATSIT AND COMPLUH?? JUST SLAP ONE OF THEM ON THESE GLARINGLY OPPOSITE SYMPTOMS AND CALL IT A DAY ALREADY" Way to grossly mishandle, mislabel and even romanticize (making thirst posts) of your lazy ass villain character. It's all around just shitty.

[dxxtruction]

VENT - I feel like if there was better education around abuse and violence, and abuse and violence prevention, we'd be able to interrogate more how it is so much a community, cultural, and systemic problem, and arguably less of an individual one. This does not dissuade any fault individuals have in creating violence and perpetrating abuse, just so no one's confused here. We have to see that violence and abuse perpetrators do take the responsibility for their actions. Obviously. But to open this up to wider responsibility would lead to far better discussions about wtf was going on at the anti-black lynch trail wrt Armand's complicity and level of fault in it.

Far too many people are unwilling to see that he was not the one to orchestrate or plan this, because they'd rather pin violence and abuse all onto a single individual. (Which is dehumanizing btw, to us even because it implies we've accepted these terms for ourselves as well).

This is an expectation I'm aware just isn't possible though, and Interview!Fandom certainly is not ready to confront this. Not everyone was when it came to the abuse Lestat perpetrated in S1 (those who watched an entirely different show apparently and deny how race played a role in the violence and abuse, throughout just everything not just Lestat). So it's just gonna be me and the handful of others IG. Shout out.

(more to this in OP tags)

[thethingything]

finally processing that we're probably gonna have to have these teeth removed with either sedation or general anaesthetic and unfortunately I have a phobia of both of these to the point where just thinking about it gives us panic attacks and I genuinely don't know what to do because I absolutely want to avoid this at all costs but we also might not have any other option