#nor does he deserve ford

[all-0f-the-above]

if Bill had thought ONE step ahead he could've made a deal with Fidds. then he could've gotten Ford to do whatever he wanted

get Fidds to feel insecure about his intellect or charm or something and have Bill possess him when he's nervous about fucking up his relationship with Ford

can you IMAGINE? there's the muse like usual and then there's Fiddleford, who seems to be supportive about this whole project, even if he does have some weird memory lapses. oddly enough, when they are intimate or loving, Fidds gets really nervous then totally confident. Ford waves it off because the other personality is alluring in its own way

then the memory gun would have been invented by Ford to destroy Bill and, in the process, erased Fidds' memories

the PAIN from Ford. he has to, effectively, kill the one he loves to save the universe. to lure him in by making Fidds nervous and triggering Bill taking over for him. kissing Bill/Fiddleford (FiddBill?) and cradling his head only to pull the trigger on the memory gun. whispering "I'm sorry" right after he blasts him

knowing Ford, he'd drop Fidds off at Emma and Tate's, explaining extreme amnesia, and wallow in his sadness back at home. he publishes the breakthrough paper and patents some of his technology, all under Fidds' name. it was his work, anyway. and the Mcgucket family doesn't deserve to lose their income just because of Ford's decision.

Fiddleford doesn't remember Ford because he's not there to trigger his memory and Ford never checks in on him directly. he surveils his house, sure, and watches him from afar, but never gets into direct contact with him.

Ford could have even ended up in the multiverse this way. he calls Stanley, asking for his help to disperse the journals like before, but, like before, his dimensional portal malfunctions when Stan confronts him in the lab.

when Stanley meets Fiddleford, his introduces himself as Stanford Pines, but the only familiar thing about him is the cut of his jaw and his build. Fidds could've sworn they'd met before, but so many things about this guy seem unfamiliar, he brushes it off as weird deja vu.

he's been getting that ever since the accident. he used to work for Stanford, but somehow everything he remembers is wrong. this one doesn't wear glasses, nor does he have special hands. his voice is hoarser and he isn't interested in taking walks around Gravity Falls' forests. Fidds read about it somewhere, that your brain makes up memories where there are none. figures his has done that with everything he's forgotten.

when Ford comes back, it feels like he's got a word on the tip of his tongue. he knows something, it's just not coming forward. the new fella ignores him a lot. that's alright- not everyone has to be friendly. but when he hears this guy is the real Stanford, the one he worked for, Fiddleford gets curious and asks him about the accident. he figures he has a right to know, and if he has to guilt the guy a little, well you gotta do what you gotta do.

"please, call me Ford" makes him remember their college dorm room.

"that's plausible" and he can recall their first meeting.

when memories rush back of their college years, Fiddleford gets severe vertigo trying to stand. Ford's hands holding him steady reminds them of their first embrace.

the blush right underneath Ford's glasses and fidgety nervousness send Fiddleford back to the first time they kissed, intoxicated one minute, sober the next.

he falls to the floor, getting a headache from all of the remembering. Ford offers to lift him up and bring him to the car. a split second after being pulled up by the armpits, he recalls the first time they made out on purpose. it was after a fight on something trivial. both of them were just being hardheaded, and Ford pushed him to the ground. after profusely apologizing, Ford kneeled down. face to face like that, the air disappeared between them. neither were looking at the others' eyes. by the time they glanced back up, the fight was over.

a few chaste kisses on the floor turned into Ford heaving him up to stand. what happened after replayed into present day Fiddleford's mind as he was held steady by an older Ford asking, "are you alright? oh god I knew it was too early. I shouldn't have met with you I knew-"

he stops talking when Fidds puts a hand on his cheek, "we were close once."

Ford didn't dare breathe, "yes, once."

[stupidlittlespirit]

Cutie patootie again 🥺🥺

Lmao I'm sorry I'm always bringing Ford discourse but like !!!!! You're one of the only people online who like sees the bad in every character!! So many fans have been saying how Stanley has never done wrong and fuck Ford but like it's only cause Stanley is a guy who shows very obviously he loves his family and we got 2 whole seasons with the guy

This is probably why I really am hoping Alex gets the go ahead with a sequel! Stan and Ford show to flesh out their relationship more. Like I know Stanford really shows his feelings in the journal but I swear most of people's literacy is fucking dead 😭😭😭 showing will probably be a lot better than telling

I guess I feel really bad for Ford cause he's a victim who isn't uwu I am traumatized. Like there's NOTHING wrong with traumatized people being very teary eyed and soft spoken individuals. Fuck it honestly that's me to a fucking t. But other victims are rude and they do get angry easily. Ford reminds me a lot of Steven from the Haunting of Hill House. They just express their grief and trauma in a much more anger and sarcastic emotional response than others. And like it pretty much confirms in the Book of Bill that Stanford was gonna keep the book a secret also!! He says at first it's to protect his family but later admits it's because he still feels shame in having Bill trick him. In believing all of his lies. He still feels shame for almost causing the apocalypse and letting his pride separate from his brother for 40 years at this point!! Idk idk I'm rambling again but I honestly really love characters like Ford that show that victims don't always act the same but they deserve just as much respect and love all the same. They deserve a second chance and they deserve to be happy. 💜

No it's okay anon! I love having these conversations! I'm sorry it took me so long to answer, I've been really busy.

I have no idea if any of this makes sense but I hope it does because it's taken me like 2 and a half hours to write....

TL;DR - In my opinion, the entire show is about cycles of abuse. Ford and Stan are both imperfect victims for different reasons. They suffered abuse differently. Don't look at and judge them from the place that they start at: Do it from where they end up.

TW: Abuse, suicide, discussion of personal irl abuse.

All below the cut:

You're right about us having more information to work with with Stan v. Ford, but I also think people have a tendency to put Stan on a pedestal because he is, ultimately, the more relatable twin. Not many people are on Ford's wavelength in the sense of intelligence (I'm certainly not) and I would venture to say not many people fell through a portal and spent 30 thirty years in different dimensions running from/trying to defeat their arch enemy....

Alongside that, the twins experienced abuse and reacted to it very differently, and it can be hard to examine those differences fairly, and to see why both types are as bad as the other, especially because one is more obvious and likeable than the other.

They remind me a LOT of my familial situation in interchangeable ways.

My life ran parallel to Stan's for a long time (ironically enough Gravity Falls came out when I'd just been kicked out of home) and I had a sibling who was the 'golden child' for my family. I was the screw up black sheep and they were the one with potential.

That designation is neither mine nor my sibling's fault. It's the fault of my family for putting those labels on two kids who really had no chance, right from the day we were born, but who were forced to adopt them regardless. I think Stan and Ford are the same.

Where I suffered more direct abuse (physical, psychological etc) because I was reactive and was left in the firing line as the scapegoat (Stan), my sibling was held close by my parents and 'protected' because they were seen as well behaved and offered my parents what they wanted: Someone to control and push for success (Ford). They were still abusing my sibling, just in a different way.

I spiralled and went on to live a life where I was only ever in danger and at risk. I made my peace very early on in life (I think maybe before I was about 10?) that the people who were supposed to love me unconditionally, couldn't stand me, valued me as lesser than my sibling, and didn't want me. But I wanted to Be Somebody and prove my value and worth to everyone else to make up for that, which meant I fell into the wrong hands and did all I could to try and be that ideal for others in the hopes they wouldn't see me as my parents did.

I separated from my family early and went off alone, despite really always being alone, and was 'okay' with that (spoiler, I was not!). I also suffered abuse in the way Ford did and my sibling in the way Stan did to varying degrees too. We're all rarely aligned with one specific character because abuse is, unfortunately, incredible versatile.

My sibling, however, stayed with my mother (our whole family abused us, but I'll stick with parents now because it's most relevant. Our parents divorced when we were young and my dad was our 'primary abuser', but only because he was more blatant with it) and my sibling went to an excellent school because my family saw their potential and submissiveness as an opportunity. A meal ticket.

Their career and life was facilitated because I suppose my family also wanted them to 'make up for me' and get the kid they'd always wanted out of my sibling, which is a lot of pressure to put on a child. They went on to be successful (still are, I'm very proud of them) whereas I couldn't/can't keep a stable job and turned to sex work to survive (there is nothing wrong with sex work blah blah but being forced into it at a young age does have negative consequences, no matter what anyone says).

My sibling was emotionally and psychologically manipulated but also treated in a way that could be misconstrued as being loved. I would think that for them, that was hard to understand that that wasn't truly the case. I think Ford was the same in that respect, especially when he craves acceptance so much.

Those are both types of abuse but in different ways. My sibling lives with the guilt and shame of being 'the one who didn't get it as bad', and can't quite accept that they were never really loved (which is embarrassing to admit and I think/hope they will come to terms with that one for their own sake), and I live with the childish resentment of them being 'the one my parents never wanted' and with the absolute hatred of how unfairly I was treated by people who were supposed to love me unconditionally.

You can see where this is going, right?

Stan and Ford suffered equally in that same way, all throughout their lives in varying ways, and in my other response to you we talked more in depth about how Ford specifically was manipulated his entire life. I think Ford was made to be responsible at a young age and forced to carry this weight on his shoulders, and then as an adult had that insecurity worsened and coaxed by Bill.

Stan deep down knew his father hated him, and despite still wanting his love, eventually knew he wasn't going to get it. I mean, no one even came to his fake funeral for god's sake. Image how that must feel?

Stan grew to spot the signs of abuse and avoid it to the best of his ability. He was still vulnerable of course, but he was more street smart and clued up after a while. He didn't fall for Bill's flattery because he looked at Bill and saw his father. He recognised abuse.

Me and my sibling are the same.

Now, because of the differences in our abuse, my sibling and I turned out to be very different people. They still interact with my family (although they don't enjoy it but do so out of a sense of guilt and duty, and that they have to take care of them). I have nothing to do with any of them because fuck 'em.

I'm very emotional and can be unstable or rude (I have BPD), but love deeply and am sometimes overtly considerate of other people's feelings to my detriment because no cared about mine. I struggle with needing to be loved and being a chameleon who adapts their personality to those around them in order to be most liked and maximise that. I don't have a real identity, just the one I craft in the moment. I even worked/work in sales because having that ability makes it easy to pick up on people's emotional state and manipulate it, for better or worse. I have also done bad things and been cruel to others, I've also had an inflated ego and sometimes still do. I'm the Stan, for the most part, but I've experienced Bill-like abuse too and been the Ford.

My sibling can be spiteful and often acts like the things that happened me didn't actually happen the way I think they did and they minimise my feelings. They struggle to apologise and also behave in a way that is similar to my abusers, but I don't believe they do that maliciously. I think they don't know any better and haven't had the space to mature and come to terms with that. They have a bit of an ego, too. They're the Ford, mostly.

(This isn't to say I'm none of those things, because I can be and my sibling can be all the things I am at times)

I have to remember that they're still in contact with our abusers and were heavily manipulated against me growing up. They still get the Wormtongue treatment, as we said about Ford. They're still affected. They are also the only person I still see because we're in this together and they genuinely love me (as I do them). They're funny and cool and they love as deeply as I do.

My sibling and I, and Stan and Ford, were both raised in the same barn and we're from the same stock; of course we have the traits of our parents. It would be impossible not to. My sibling and I just learn to smother those parts as best we can as we mature and the process of doing so never really ends. I would say I'm a little better at it than my sibling is, but I'm also older and realised my abuse far sooner than they did. I've had longer to come to terms with it, like Stan did.

Stan was aware of his father's abuse much earlier and although I think he struggled to accept it, he eventually realised much sooner than his brother that he was being abused.

Ford wasn't able to mature because he was so busy working and then surviving. He eventually was forced to come to terms with his abuse by both Bill and by others, and it must have sucked to have that realisation so late in life. I have another family member that that exact thing happened to, and the shame we all feel at being taken advantage like that is immense. That's why post-portal Ford is so different in my mind. It breaks or makes you and it is very embarrassing to accept.

But both of them exacted their resentment and sadness and insecurities out on others: Stan literally scammed people out of their money because he wanted to be rich and committed other crimes That's a really bad thing to do!

Yes, Ford was manipulative and tough on others because he'd been taught to be, and I think he truly believed in his youth that he "turned out fine!" (a favourite one-liner of mine from people who are in denial about their abuse) because he couldn't accept it.

It was wrong of both of them to do the things they did, and there is no excuse for it, but we can understand where that behaviour came from if we examine them both fairly.

What matters is that eventually both Stan and Ford matured into people who recognised why they were in the wrong. They stopped that cycle of abuse by finding love and forgiving one another, and by finding their their family.

Stan and Ford were able to redeem themselves. They both have a plethora of faults but an absolute encyclopedia of positives, too. It just took them a long time to unlearn and they have to continue to unlearn those until they die.

All victims are imperfect victims because there's no such thing as a perfect one. Victims carry shame, victims can be aggressive, victims can repeat the mistakes of their abusers no matter how much they think they don't. Maybe they don't respond to their trauma 'the way that they should' (which is bullshit, by the way. There is no right or wrong way to be a victim).

When I suffered (a different, non family related) major trauma, I wasn't believed (by that same friend I talked about in the other ask) because I hadn't, in their opinion, reacted in the way I supposed to react. I wasn't sad enough or traumatised enough, when in actual fact I was all of those things but was too ashamed and afraid to show it to others until it got so bad that I couldn't hold it in anymore. I protected myself through jokes and being blasé about it.

Ford is a great example of a more obvious imperfect victim. He is a product of his environment and he protects his vulnerabilities with egoism. The most egotistical of us are the most insecure.

Stan is also an imperfect victim, just more obviously so. He was portrayed from the start as likeable and funny, but he is the same as his brother.

Initially Stan was as cantankerous and mean as he was silly, remember. But he changed over time. We get to see the toll his abuse took on him because he learned to come to terms with that shame and told the audience about it through his actions and behaviours. We actually saw his backstory in detail and saw how he learned to love the kids. We saw his vulnerability whereas Ford refuses to and struggles to lower that guard and show his soft spots.

Ford is portrayed in a very specific light that I think does him an injustice at times and contributes to the misunderstanding of his personality.

Ford's vulnerability is hard for him to reveal (to those around him and the audience) because he couldn't afford to be vulnerable during his time in the portal or with Bill. Vulnerability kills when you're not showing it to the right people and when he did show his vulnerable side to Bill (he didn't have the answers he thought he was so capable of having and had to swallow that bitter pill and ask for help), he was betrayed and hurt really awfully.

Ford then went on the exact same journey Stan did when Stan was kicked out of home, except Ford was 30 plus and in an interdimensional nightmare instead of the USA. They both suffered. (And also, the US might as well have been a different dimension for Stan at his young age because it was just a foreign to him as space was to Ford. Earth is cruel no matter where you are).

Anyway.... All of that is to say, nobody comes out of abuse clean.

Some of us become unlikeable and unfriendly, and sometimes even abusive ourselves. A lot of us learn to survive in any way we can and sometimes that is at the detriment of others.

But what really matters is how we unlearn those behaviours and how we grow.

Don't look at and judge Ford or Stan from the place that they start: Do it from where they end up.

I'd also like to add that just because you might be a dick, it doesn't mean you deserve to be abused and I see a lot of people say that Ford deserved what he got, and that pisses me off so fucking badly.

Again: disclaimer these are just my own feelings do not come for me thank u

[localcanadiancreature62]

The effects of Bill's conditioning on Ford + Other stuff:

One of the main effects is Dissociation. Ford's mind is partially shattered similarly to the way canon Fidds' is,although the difference is that Ford is still functional save for a few dissociative episodes where he ends up breaking something or zoning out midway into conversations while canon Fidds is completely unstable and insane.

This happens because whenever a real memory appears in his mind a memory that he ACTUALLY had instead of the various memories Bill implanted in his head,he ends up subconsciously trying to bury it as he believes that only the memories that Bill made are the ones that are real and thus it results in him dissociating. Another reason why he dissociates instead of his mind completely breaking like canon Fidds',is because Bill's mind fuck powers are different from the memory gun.

His mind warping is a fixated form of reality warping where whenever he manipulates a part of the brain,the changes he made are permanent until the subject is shown the entirety of their real memories before said changes were made. The dissociation is also a way of the subject subconsciously rejecting the mind warping despite the changes being fixed.

This is why Ford was dissociating in the first part of the A Perfect Day in the Perfect World fic. Also he constantly has headaches from the dissociation and also the occasional ringing in his ears (real life ear ringing comes from head injuries :]).

Bill doesn't do anything to fix this,as he knows full well that the cause is the memory erasures as if he fixes it then that would mean letting go of Ford. Another effect is Ford's self esteem getting warped. The fact that all of his "family" and his dear "friend" don't actually seem to care about him due to them being shallow bastards (little does he know that they're literally fake ass copies that were MEANT to be husks),makes him think that only Bill cares about him.

This also makes him think that even despite his ego,he isn't worthy of being loved or taken care of as he concluded that when only his partner is his support system and none of his family nor his friend actually cares about him then he deserves such treatment as he's worthless to everyone except for Bill.

Bill doesn't even feel guilty about this one,as it's a sign of his plan to have his genius all to himself is working. Ford simultaneously thinks that everyone loves him while also thinking that everyone doesn't care about him,the first part is due to his renowned reputation as the most influential CEO in Oregon while the other part is cuz literally no one but Bill loves him. This man is gonna need some therapy by the end of this,and a lot of hugs. Ford has depression now,also he has a hard time sleeping without Bill as he's terrified of being alone. He is horribly terrified of being alone as that would mean dealing with the aching feeling that no one but his dear triangular husband is actually there for him. He has depression and also is slightly unstable because of the fact that he has no one but Bill around,he is secretly depressed over the fact that he only has his husband for company as i mentioned before that he still feels negative emotions no matter how happy the Perfect World makes him. His instability shows from him acting paranoid and antsy whenever Bill isn't around,such as thinking that Fiddleford or Stan will hurt him or feeling like he wants to claw the walls when he's alone without his dear muse. Bill doesn't know this as the genius only acts this way when he's out in the multiverse doing his job as it's guardian,which means that he's entirely unaware of the fact that Ford is actively losing his mind from the isolation he forced on him just to have the man all to himself.

Bill's views on Ford's dwindling sanity changes a lot depending on his mood. Sometimes when he's fulfilling the "dear husband" role and is putting his energy on loving Ford,he gets guilty over indirectly causing the man to be this way but he denies it as he knows that fixing him would also mean letting go of the genius. Other times when he's trying to teach his researcher husband a lesson aka torturing him whenever he's going against him,he fully embraces Ford's suffering and is even proud of it as it's a sign of his plan to have the genius all to himself is working. In conclusion,Perfect World!Bill is just as unpredictable and temperamental as Canon Bill but it's just not as obvious due to him usually being happy go lucky from being SO glad to finally have his genius at his side while he's ruling the universe just like he always wanted.

Ford is secretly scared of Bill but he doesn't know why. Although it's because he subconsciously remembers that the triangle tortures him via mysterious healed wounds and blurry memories of a yellow figure hurting him. He occasionally flinches around Bill whenever the isosceles touches him and feels as though he's walking on eggshells whenever he talks to him,although he tries to ignore it as he's certain that his dear muse loves him and that strange figure wasn't him. Bill is fully aware of this and he didn't completely erase those memories on purpose,so that he could keep his ̶h̶u̶m̶a̶n̶ ̶p̶e̶t̶ husband in line. The only other person besides Bill that notices Ford's change in behavior is Fiddleford,as he is the only copy that has SOME semblance of sentience and real emotions although the amount he has is very low. Fidds occasionally worries for Ford and gets suspicious of how that triangle treats him based on the fact that the man flinches whenever he puts his hand on his shoulder or refuses to talk about his arguments with Bill whenever he asks,but Bill himself makes sure to erase these feelings and thoughts from him immediately to avoid Ford finding out about everything :].

Bill and Ford fuck often cuz marriage,however Bill doesn't get rough on him like he usually does anymore because he knows that hurting the man while he's keeping up the "dear husband" act would make him question things and thus try to leave him. Although he occasionally DOES get rough on him but he makes sure to make Ford forget immediately,during these rare occasions he basically plays with Ford like a human toy and utterly destroys him without any regard for the genius' pleasure at all,he just uses him up like a toy to satisfy himself. Ford doesn't remember those times at all,although he has blurry memories of getting knives stabbed everywhere on his body including his nuts and also getting his head bashed on the floor while the isosceles fucked him. Bill made sure to reverse the effects of every encounter,as he didn't want to have a broken toy. Plus whenever they normally bang,Bill is usually in his triangle form but he just summons a pp for himself so that he can properly fuck Ford (i refuse to make a human form for this specific Bill when i recognize him as the triangle). Also also whenever they bang normally,Bill is surprisingly gentle and tender with the fucking and he does in the most vanilla way since he has come to truly care about Ford even if it's under layers of possessiveness and manipulation. Bill does vanilla sex even if it's boring as he's willing to compromise for his dear husband. He knows that Ford likes being gently fucked so he does it anyway despite it being lame to him,plus he likes fucking his genius either way so it's fine. Also Ford makes sure to make up for that boring banging by pleasuring Bill himself so it's not all bad.

Ford is technically STILL a paranormal investigator,although it's more professional now that his company the Oregon Institute of Oddology gives him more resources and equipment for studying anomalies better such as traps lures as well as nets. He usually leaves the actual company work to Fiddleford whenever he's out studying anomalies in Gravity Falls,which the hillbilly doesn't mind as he was literally made to help deal with Ford's work.Bill erasing a memory from a person's mind mentally taxes them,which is why Ford gets tired whenever he erases something from his brain such as an argument or most negative experiences. The reason why Ford is still himself and has everything besides his memories intact is because Bill can't bring himself to change his beloved genius,if he took away his negative emotions and traits then he wouldn't be Ford anymore. Just a shell of him like the rest of the Perfect World inhabitants such as Fiddleford and Stan. Which is why Bill forces himself to deal with the man's outbursts and emotional lows,because he wants to be there for him even if it's difficult. Plus he could just erase his memory of negative experiences anyway so it's fine either way.

Ford isn't aware of the fact that he's living in a dream world,however Bill told him that he did a lot of positive changes to Oregon and Gravity Falls which explains why everything is different (he isn't technically lying though,he just leaves out the part that he replaced the og Dimension 46'/ with a dream version). (i just realized that half of this is just Bill being characteristically selfish and vile).

[gentlelass]

Hello! I heard that Majorie has a brother, now on my curiosity in behalf I would like to know a few information about him and how is he in the present? And is he single?- *coughs* *coughs*

(Yes I have looked at the art, and now I panic, that lad is too handsome/jk.)

Ah, you mean this guy;

He’s supposed to be, like, 13-14 here. Yeah, he was handsome, I suppose.

Though this is him now (or at least in a very old sketch of his adult form),

… not much handsome anymore.

Malcom Ford, older brother of two years to Marjorie, aged 35 in the current timeline (1927). He served as a foot soldier in WW1, from year 1915 to the very end in 1918. And it wasn’t kind to him. The Ford family is entirely composed of Sphinx cats, lean and agile, generally small, not suited for close quarters combat: Marjorie herself, despite being a hitwoman, relies entirely on stealth, planning and the aid of her larger partners in crime rather than brutal force. A large chunk of his right ear and the entirety of the left one were bitten off, leaving him with a partial loss of his hearing. Furthermore, the windshield of a not better specified vehicle exploded in his face, giving him that ugly scar in his nose, and damaging his eyesight. Also, he developed early grey and white hairs due to stress before, during and after the war.

After the war he travelled straight back to Milan, not even bothering to search for Marjorie: he’s very clever, a trait both him and her inherited from their father, and as such during their youth he could recognise the telltale signs of her mental instability and general vicious disposition from the early stages; as such, when he stopped hearing from her he simply assumed her own ruthlessness ended up killing her. Frankly? He thinks she’d deserve it. He’s fully aware of the less-than-savoury methods she used to use to get ahead during her career as a ballerina, and though he never was vocal about it, he never approved.

He gave his mother a decent burial back in Italy, and now he manages an archive of memorabilia from WW1 in Milan. He used to live for his family and the sake of them only, as the man of the house to two women - now that he lost them both, he has no reason to live other than perpetrate the memories of WW1 to make sure the future generations don’t make the same mistakes his own did.

He’s basically a misanthropic recluse, he never goes out his archive besides for basic necessity - he pretty much doesn’t even take care of himself anymore either. He doesn’t have friends, much less a lover, nor does he want or think he needs them either. Nobody in town knows him as anything but ‘Mr Ford’, though they often call him ‘L’Archiviato’, literally The Archived, because him, his thoughts and his heart are as much archived and hidden away as are the history memorabilia he is charge of warding.

He is actually a very interesting character that I’ve thought much about, and I’d like to expand about him sometime, so if you wanna know something else about him ask away!

[intcxications]

starter for @unbriidled 。

"happy birthday, princess." was what ford tells her, sending a wink her way much to her friends' dismay. he could already imagine the look on their faces with the display of affection that the two were parading around these people. it never really bothered him, nor did it ever occur for him to ask her just why they didn't seem to like him when daisy herself couldn't get enough of him. he was hooked on her like he was on some drug, probably because they were in the earlier phases of their relationship or it could simply be the overwhelming chemistry between them. he didn't even care about how he could slide his hand against her thigh underneath that table, pushing the hem of that cute skirt she wore enough to have his thumb against the inner portion of her flesh. a little higher up, if anyone were to notice them, for what the public could allow, but he does lean in and press as kiss onto her cheek. let her be the only one to hear him saying, "can't wait to fuck you later, gorgeous. you deserve everything you want tonight." and would it be so unbelievable if he dives in for a kiss just as everyone greeting her, mumbling, "i adore you so much." before pulling back as he tugs on her lip. gross of them, wasn't it?

[jerseyskings]

He laughs yet again. They both have their guilt , he's sure. Their own nagging voice in the back of their head that says that they're the one to blame. And to think thirty years ago they both blamed each other. ❛ Now you're talkin'. We haven't seen nearly as many babes as I thought we would. ❜

The grin that forms as Ford swats his hand away comes naturally , as if it's been there his entire life. This is what he worked for thirty years to have. Frankly , he's still surprised that it actually worked. He's not quite convinced that he deserves it , though. ❛ Thank you. It's that easy. ❜ For a moment , his joking tone wavers as he watches his brother tense up. Neither of them say anything , but he knows when something's wrong. The way his hand twitches doesn't go unnoticed , nor does the pause he takes to breathe. In , out. He doesn't say anything - not now. Even though there's a deep urge to ask. To pry. To try and get him to say what's bothering him ―― but that's not how that works. Stan knows that now. So , instead , he allows the moment to pass. That's a question for another time.

❛ Oh , come on. They're getting paid regardless of what kinda weirdos walk in the door. Who cares if a guy wants a discount ? ❜ That only means " no bartering while Ford's in the vicinity. " He can work with that. ❛ You're no fun. But hey , that's fine , I'll just go back to pickpocketing like a heathen. ❜

the late start ... there's this sadness that washes over me then. i can't help but feel like that had been my fault to begin with. i'm silent for a moment before looking at my brother, giving him a small smile. "a late start just means we better pick up the pace with this adventuring ... if our bodies will let us." i don't have it in me for that heavy of a conversation right now, not when we're chatting like this.

i sway slightly to the side as stan punches my shoulder, letting out a soft 'hey' as i swat at his fist. "fine, we'll get some damn tylonol." i say with a sigh ... and yeah, i'm playing up the dramatics a little bit. why the hell not.

for a fraction of a second, when stan uses my childhood nickname, i freeze up a little bit. my hand twitches at my side and i remind myself to breathe. there's this frustration that i feel with myself for reacting this way to a nickname ... i suppose it has more meaning now, but stanley doesn't know that.

"stanley those poor employees." i try my best to continue on with the conversation, tisking quietly. "you are not bartering for anything while we are on this trip unless the setting is appropriate. we need to go to a store, not a flea market."

[lesbiten]

grabbing fiddleford from alex hirsch to put him in a more suitable environment (my brain and heart)

[mysteriouslycraftytrenchcoat]

A Destiel oneshot

Personal space? Cas?

"So Cas, are you sure you don't want someone to come with you?" Dean enquired for the billionth time.

"Yes Dean, I'll be fine." Cas replied.

A moment of silence was shared. Soft unspoken words dancing at the tip of their tongue but both reluctant to just say it. After all, even if Castiel was an angel, there were so many things that could go wrong. So they stared at each other, trying to take in everything, to treasure every soft and peaceful memory within the span of a few lingering seconds. And of course, then there's Sam third wheeling on the couch behind them.

"I'll leave now." Castiel spoke slowly almost as if he wanted to drag it out until the last second.

"Right." Dean murmured.

And just like that Cas was gone.

"You know he's just headed to check out the place."

He turned around abruptly to face his little brother who was behind him-the whole time.

"Sam!" Dean blurted out surprised.

"Uh, yeah I know. Why?" He continued.

"Right. Why don't you just tell him?" Sam rolled his eyes.

"Tell who what?" Dean played dumb.

"Tell Cas that you like him." Sam groaned out making Dean's eyes widen.

"Are you nuts?" Dean choked.

"Dean its getting unbearable to watch it."

"Watch what?!"

"Cas eye-fucking you."

"Dude you have no idea what you are sayin- are you drunk?" Dean choked out with a red face.

"No Dean, I'm not drunk. Nor am I blind. You are a lot less subtle than you think you are."

"Sam, I'll tell this one last time. I do not like men."

"Dude, you had a crush on Harrison Ford." Sam reasoned.

"No, I didn't." Dean denied.

"Yes you did. Look, my point is-why don't you just save us all the pain and just tell him? He clearly likes you back."

"Sam I am no-wait, what?"

"For fucks sake. Have you ever wondered why he always came when you called?" Sam groaned again.

"He comes when you call as well. Hell, he even came when Bobby called."

"No, he doesn't. Besides, Bobby called him because you were in trouble."

"That's bullshit." Dean said, clearly flustered. He damn well didn't want to talk about this, but he was kind of curious. The idea of Cas liking him seemed surreal. He was shaking head to toe.

"Ok, you know what? I'll call him right now. Let's see if he comes."

Dean stood there flushed as his brother tried in vain to call the angel. When Sam finally gave up, he asked Dean to try.

"Ca-Castiel uh could you-" He was cut off immediately.

"Dean."

....................

There was a brief awkward moment between a confused Cas, a flustered Dean, and a smug-slightly offended Sam.

"Did you need anything?" Castiel asked, trying to dissolve the uncomfortable silence.

"Uhh, I-" Dean started, suddenly all eyes falling on him. He looked at Sam for an answer.

"You forgot your Angel blade." Sam replied pulling the Angel blade from behind him.

"But I don't need it. I'm just checking the place."

"Just in case."

"Yeah Cas, just in case. Take it." The older insisted, wanting this to be over already.

"Okay." Castiel trailed off as he took the blade and looked over to Dean (as he always does) to find him avoiding his eyes. He kept staring at the ground and scratching his head.

"I'll be going now." He said glancing over to Dean one last time before disappearing into thin air.

"So-" Sam started when Dean cut him off.

"Don't." Dean stomped back to his room, slamming the door shut. No sleep for a while tonight.

Dean is honestly an idiot. The idiot who saved a lot of people's ass and stopped the damn apocalypse. He never believed he was capable of being loved. He was just a man who could swing a machete or shoot a gun. All he brought was bad luck. All the things he did for the world didn't matter to him. His self loathing never stopped. Not after he practically raised Sam, not after he stopped the apocalypse, not even after he went to hell for his brother, never. Nothing could make him believe he could be loved, that he deserved to be loved.

This wasn't only because of his-as low as the Marina Trench-self esteem, but also because of his abandonment issues. He never had a mother to love him or a father he could to look up to. The one that he did always have had one leg out of the door. Nobody could leave him if he didn't let them close in the first place. He was trying to protect himself. A bad coping mechanism along with alcohol. But hey, who cares.

Besides he didn't have time for love. His line of work didn't let him just settle down and retire. There was always something-someone out there to kill. But ever since Castiel came into his life, he's been messing things up. He couldn't be in love with him. Definitely not.

It wasn't like Cas made him feel safe or comfortable. It wasn't like Cas was always there for him, every single time. It wasn't like he went against all of heaven for him or come every single time he called, even when he was fighting a freaking civil war. It wasn't like he gave Dean everything and never left him. There was no way in hell he could be in love with Castiel, right?

Well that's where he's wrong. He was so hopelessly in love with the angel, he was terrified and the Winchesters were never good at dealing with their feelings.

That night, Dean stood in the middle of his room, his palms sweaty as his feelings started surfacing more and more, it was getting hard to deny. Regardless, he had to admit that sometimes the bunker can be stiflingly intimate when Castiel was around.

....................

"Morning." Sam chimed as his barely awake brother stepped inside the kitchen for coffee. He looked around for a certain someone (It's more of a habit lately)

"Looking for Cas?" Sam asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"N-no."

"Yeah right. Anyway he's in the library and I've got to go."

"What? where?"

"Uhh, somewhere."

"What'd you mean somewhere? Africa?"

"I jus-"

"What's going on?" Castiel's voice made Dean freeze in his spot.

"I'm going out." Sam said and left while Dean snapped back to reality.

"What's up?" He said, but winced when his voice came out like a squeaky duck. Dean and Cas stared at each other in awkward silence.

"What happened?" Castiel questioned.

"Nothing at all. Why would something happen?" Dean said as he made his way to the coffee pot to make himself some overdue coffee.

"You're lying."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"Okay, fine." Dean exclaimed, his tired brain and heart having a hard time keeping up the argument.

"Sam thinks I like you." Dean said with a red face.

"So, you don't like me?" Cas questioned with confusion.

"Of course I like you! Sam thinks I like-like you. You know..."He trailed off, getting hotter within the minute.

"No, I don't know Dean." Cas replied as Dean groaned, almost banging his pounding head onto the counter.

"Talk to me." Cas whispered, now standing right in front of Dean. Inches apart.

"Umm Ca-Cas....Personal sp-space?" Dean stuttered, his breath labored. Castiel tilted his head, an amused smile growing on his face. Even though Dean was taller than the angel by an inch or so, Cas sure as hell could be intense enough to make him feel small.

"What?" Dean squeaked out. He regretted opening his mouth immediately.

'Damn it. I can't even act coo-'

His thought was cut off by Castiel's lips on his. Soft, textured, mesmerizing lips. Dean staggered back, letting Castiel pin him against the wall, one hand tangled up in his hair and the other holding him in place. Cas could feel him, all of him against his body. He was warm but trembling slightly.

Dean stood there, knees weak as Castiel's tongue slipped inside his mouth. Then, for a moment, he let his guard down. He let himself live in the moment, not caring about the past or future. Just now, with Cas, drinking each other in. He let his hand run around the angel, melting into him. For once in his life, he let someone take care of him.

They must have stayed there for how long? Not like anyone really cared because that kiss was long overdue.

[thelastspeecher]

For your marriage of convenience au, does Ford ever have an affair with Fidds or Lute when he is with Angie? How do the kiddos react to their parent's fucked up situation or does it resolve before they are old enough to care? If Angie has an affair - Stan or otherwise - how does Ford react? Also how does Angie react to letting a stranger in her house once she realizes it's not Ford?

Love your aus! This one seems very interesting

Aw, thanks! I'm glad you like my nonsense c:

Neither Angie nor Ford have affairs while they are married. They wouldn't have affairs if they were in a romantic relationship with each other, and even though they're only in a platonic relationship, they're still husband and wife.

Angie eventually winds up with Stan after she and Ford divorce. Ford suggests they divorce when he realizes that Angie and Stan are falling for each other. He doesn't want Angie to miss out on the kind of relationship she deserves, and doesn't want Stan to miss out on a relationship where he'd be treated decently. And after taking some time for the dust to settle (about a year), Stan and Angie start dating.

But Ford doesn't wind up in any sort of relationship with Fiddleford or Lute. He gets along well with them, but they'd never date their baby sister's ex-husband, even if they get told that the marriage was never based in romantic love.

Orion and Iris are three, and Apollo is one, when Angie and Ford divorce, so they don't remember their parents ever being married. They do remember their Ma not always being with Stan (who they call "Uncle Dad" after Stan and Angie marry), but that's about it. They aren't really affected much by the situation. At least, until they're old enough to ask and be told the truth. They need to sit down for a bit when that time comes.

Angie's pretty horrified when she realizes that she accidentally invited a stranger into her home, where her babies were. But she doesn't find that out until the end of the day. She's at work all day. Ford actually comes home before she does, and sees Stan, and the two of them catch up. When Angie gets home, Ford chews her out for being irresponsible, and Angie redirects her shame at inviting a stranger to her home into anger at Ford, because she thought Ford had agreed to watch the kids that day. She and Ford wind up in a full-blown fight, which Stan breaks up.

It's not a pretty sight. But both Angie and Ford apologize after they've had some time to cool off, and promise to make sure they know who will be watching the kids on what day, and not get their schedules mixed up again.

[portalford]

In the Light that We Have Found

AO3

It hits Stan out of nowhere, for no reason at all.  It’s not like he’s been thinking about it.  He makes a point to avoid thinking about most things, actually, and this thing in particular.  But he’s thinking about it now.

He’s happy.

He can’t remember the last time he actually thought about his own happiness.

Well, that’s not true.  He thought about it a lot last summer, but while the feeling was definitely happiness, the thought was more focused on how fast it could all go wrong if the kids learned the truth about him and what he was doing in the basement.  So, yeah, he was happy, but he was also somewhat existentially anxious and incredibly stressed.

Business as usual.

But he’s not existentially, generally, or even sort of anxious right now.  He gets twinges of “this can’t last” and “he won’t stay” every now and then, but they’ve slowed over the past month or so as this does last, and as Ford does stay.

He pokes cautiously at the sleeping anxiety.  He pokes a little less cautiously.  He’s a skeptical fool, maybe, but a skeptical alive fool.  Surely something is going to screw this up for him.

Nothing does.  He’s just really, truly, uncomplicatedly okay.

“Stanley?”

Stan looks up, and sees Ford eyeing him warily.  He realizes he’s been sitting in dead silence, clutching a cooling mug of soup, for God-knows-how-long.

Whoops.  

Ford is still watching.  “Are you okay?”  It comes out cautious, a little hesitant, like Ford’s afraid of the answer.

Stan almost laughs.  Trust Ford to completely misinterpret silence.  Then it’s suddenly less funny.  Misinterpretation and miscommunication are what got them into that whole mess forty-odd years ago, and if anything in Stan’s world ever killed happiness, it’s that.

That and Bill Cipher, may he rot forever.

“Yeah,” Stan says, and offers Ford a smile.  “I’m fine.”

Ford smiles back, but it’s the smile he gives when he thinks he should be smiling, not when he actually feels like smiling.  He’s concerned while trying to look like he’s not concerned at all, and doing a really bad job of it.

What the hell.  Why not share it around.

“I’m fine, Ford, I swear.”  Good start.  Keep it up.  “Better than fine, really.”

Ford’s running his fingers up and down the chunky knitted scarf Mabel sent him in her last package.  He got some purple sticky briar things in it the other day, and has been carefully disentangling the burrs from the fabric.  “Really?”

“Yeah, really.”  Stan takes a sip of his lukewarm tomato soup.  “Just thinking that I’m happy.  S’all.”

Ford’s mouth quirks a little.  “You’ve decided to express your happiness with solemn staring and ignoring food?”

“You got something to say about it?”  Stan leans over the table a little, but doesn’t take his hands off his mug.  It’s been a chilly morning.

“Of course not.”  Ford’s tone is nothing but false innocence.  “I just seem to remember you telling me that the path to happiness was not books or contemplation.”

“That was two weeks ago,” Stan says loftily.  “I’m a changed and enlightened man now.”

Ford is visibly biting back a grin.  “Certainly.  Well, I wish you luck with your new life path.”

“Eh, who needs luck.”  Stan slugs the rest of his soup in one go.  No sense in letting it go completely cold.  “You can just cheat the sucker.”

Ford rolls his eyes, but he’s definitely smiling, and for real this time.  He’s stopped his nervous finger-twitching and has gone back to cleaning up his scarf.

“So I’m doing pretty well for myself,” Stan says, and apparently it’s his turn for hesitation, “but what about you?”

Ford looks up, surprised.  “Me?”

“Yes, you.”  The you idiot is unsaid, because this is a Meaningful Conversation, but heavily implied, because it’s applicable and Stan isn’t going to let it slide.  “How’s your path to enlightenment going?”

Ford stares. “Stanley, are you asking me if I’m happy?”

“We really need to work on your habit of being blunt about everything,” Stan says.  “Did you never learn how to sugarcoat?”

“No,” Ford says. “I leave that to you.”  He folds his hands together, looks at Stan, and waits.

Damn it.  Ford wants him to say it, but he won’t actually ask, because that would be telling.  Stan sucks it up and says it, but only because he doesn’t want this to turn into emotional chicken.  “Yes, Ford, I’m asking if you’re happy.  No sense in fifty percent of this crew being sour.”

“Technically we don’t have a crew; I’ve automated most of it,” Ford says, because he’s a pedantic bastard.

“Not the point.”

“Well, no.”  Ford’s back to smoothing out his scarf.  “And yes.”

“Yes, it is the point?”

“Yes—no, it’s not—”  Ford stops, looking annoyed.  “No, the fact that we do not have a crew is not the point.  Yes, I am happy.”

Stan flicks his mug, making a small but satisfying ping noise.  “Way to suck all the emotional high out of that, Stanford.”

Ford scowls.  “It isn’t my fault you actively try to confuse me.”  And yeah, Stan deserves that.  “Stated plainly, I am very glad that you’re happy, and I myself am happier now than I have been at any point in the past thirty years, give or take.  Except for parts of this summer, apocalypse notwithstanding,” he adds.

Stan’s grinning like an idiot, and he really has turned into a sappy old man.  Only Ford would narrate his emotions like exposition in a really lazy movie.  “Damn, Sixer, you’re gonna make me cry.”

“Oh, shut up, Stanley.”  Ford is smiling too — a little less maniacally, maybe, but big and honest all the same.

And maybe Stan isn’t really gonna cry, but he really is happy.  More than that: he’s happy, and neither anxiety-poking nor honest-conversation-having managed to dampen the feeling.  In fact, the honest conversation only made him more happy, because now he knows for sure that Ford is with him on this.

So Stan is happy.  

Maybe he’ll try to think about it more often.

[ladyloveandjustice]

The Westing Game Chapter 21

The Fourth Bomb

In a wacky misunderstanding, Theo thinks Alice is the bomber and tries to blackmail her with the info so he can borrow her bike (Yes, really. Go big or go home is Theo’s motto) but of course Alice thinks he means he knows ANGELA is the bomber.

And in what might be the most touching moment in the book so far, Alice responds to this by setting off a bomb and writing a thing indicating that she is the bomber in order to throw all suspicion off Angela. She eve loses her trademark braid in the process.

It really is incredibly sweet. Alice is very caustic toward her sister, but this isn’t the first time she’s indicated she’s ride-or-die when it comes down to it (she got rid of the evidence for Angela and warned her not to say anything to the lawyer), and it’s also a very lovely response to Angela’s early sacrifice- where she took the bomb she made to her face rather than have it explode to her sisters. But while Angela’s sacrifice was spur-of-the-moment motivated by guilt and panic as well as love (not that it makes it less meaningful), Alice’s is one she planned out and considered. She had time to consider the consequences. She knew that Angela willingly put herself in this position. But she still chose to take the fall anyway, and set off a bomb after seeing what the same thing did to her sister’s face.

She already feels meaningless to her family in general, and maybe on the surface she feels her standing (with her mother in particular) can’t get any lower. “I’m already the troublemaker, I’m already the unwanted one, I have nothing to lose, but Angela would lose everything” was how she convinced herself. (in addition to being aware as a minor she wouldn’t be punished as harshly, smart girl that she is).

But it’s also clear that Alice DOES long for her mother’s love and approval, and I think she also had to contend with a deep fear that after this action, there’d be no going back for them, that she’d doomed herself to be the ‘bad one’ forever. Yet she still did it.

And the loss of her braid is of course, incredibly significant. Angela said earlier that the braid is her “crutch”- she bases a lot of her personality around it. It was her excuse to spend time with her mother and now her excuse to spend time with Flora, it’s the trademark thing people can pull on and she can then she gets excuse to kick them and get in fights and form connections, it’s how she gets attention and relationships for herself without exposing her own vulnerability. But she sacrificed what little that makes her stand out, what little social currency she has to protect the same sister who she envies for being in the spotlight- because that bond is more important than her jealousy and her need for attention. Just like her sister sacrificed one of the things that bring her adulation- her looks- to protect her. Love is more important than those petty things.

Alice is forced to talk to Judge Ford afterwards and, sharp as ever, Ford guesses that she’s protecting Angela.  This quote especially gets me:

The judge was astounded (…). Angela could not be the bomber, that sweet, pretty thing. Thing? Is that how she regarded the young woman, as a thing? And what had she ever said to her except “I hear you’re getting married, Angela” or “You’re so pretty, Angela”. Had anyone ever asked about her ideas, her hopes, her plans? If I had been treated like that, I’d have used dynamite, not fireworks; no, I would have just walked and kept on going. But Angela was different.

There’s a fascinating theme in this book about being marginalized, and the different ways these marginalized people both are pitted against each other and can overlook even each other while also finding connections and comradery with each other… I think I’ll have to wait until the end to fully get my thesis on the whole thing together, but I really find it interesting and appreciate it. Ford’s struggles as a black woman, Alice being overlooked for not performing femininity (thus envious of Angela despite knowing how shitty she has it), Angela being boxed because everyone wants to mold her as the perfect feminine ideal (thus feeling envious of Alice despite knowing how shitty she has it), Sun feeling out of place as a Chinese immigrant, Hoo knowing he’s looked down upon as a Chinese-American (yet still not considering the pain of his own wife), Chris struggling as a disabled kid, many people who are financially disadvantaged and/or feeling limited to the role of caretaker, Sydelle feeling overlooked in general and appropriating others’ struggles in her bizarre quest to get noticed- it’s all very interesting and pretty deftly handled, especially considering the time period the book was written in. 

And our antagonist is quintessential exploitative Rich White Man (obsessed with American Exceptionalism to boot), though it’s casually mentioned he’s the son of immigrants, an identity he seems to have actively shed, going so far as to change his name (if that’s why he changed it), so there’s even complexity there.

But the thing with Ford here is an interesting demonstration of that. Despite being smart and socially aware and having an even more fraught history of being dismissed and belittled, she didn’t give much thought to Angela and subconsciously went along with the same objectification everyone else does, putting her on a pedestal. (There’s a lot to be said about how Angela’s veneration and perceived “purity” by the others might interact with her whiteness, and how Ford realizing she bought into that narrative subconsciously might feel to her as a black woman, but I’m not really the person to discuss that. Anyway!)

The other important development here is that Alice also finally confesses that she saw Westing the night of his murder but mentions that the Westing she saw didn’t look dead, but asleep and like a wax dummy. This sets off alarm bells for both me and Ford.

So, I think its safe to say my earlier theory Sam Westing isn’t dead is probably true. What of the corpse that was present at the will-reading? I think people would have noticed it was a wax dummy, but a disguised corpse from his coroner friend still makes some sense. So where is Westing now? Considering Barney Northup doesn’t exist, could he be Barney?

But speaking of Westing, if we need further confirmation the man is the scum of the earth, he’s a union buster and he fired Sandy for trying to organize one in the paper plant.

We also learn Ford’s backstory with Westing at last: Her parents were household staff at Westing’s mansion and she grew up there as a result. She played chess with Westing frequently as a child, but not only would he brag and take pride in beating a goddamn pre-teen, he mocked her with racialized insults. She never won, but Westing ended up financing her education (that’s the ‘debt’ she owes him). She believes he did this to get a judge he could control, but has refused to play along, removing herself from any case involving him.

I can’t help but think Westing would have known Ford wouldn’t play ball, though. So he may have had another motive for sending her to school. It could be something even more sinister. Or… in his own twisted way, did he actually like her? He obviously realized she was incredibly intelligent during those matches, even if he sadistically enjoyed mocking her, enough to know she’d do well with an education. Did he play chess with her so much not just because he enjoyed tormenting her, but enjoyed her as a person as well? It obviously does not excuse what a racist sadistic shithead he is, and I’m not saying he’s secretly nice- just that it could be he was incapable of relating to anyone in a healthy way. I actually think sending Ford to school could have just been an extension of his desire to torment her AND the only way he knew that would guarantee he remained important in her life. He didn’t ever plan to cash in on her debt, but knew it would kill her just to BE in his debt, and got pleasure out of that alone. He probably just thought it was funny and it was also a way to guarantee he’d live in her head rent free- and because deep down he knew she was a cool kid, he also wanted that. He didn’t want her to forget him, maybe, which is sick! But much more interesting than simply “he wanted a judge he could manipulate”.

But it’s also worth noting this is Ford’s (perhaps) final chance to win against Westing in the ultimate chess match. And I can’t help but think he is well aware how smart she is, so he invited her here specifically because he knew she could be his undoing, the one who unravels everything. So- if we go with the ‘Westing is seeking atonement’ theory- did he invite her to give her that satisfaction of finally beating him, like he always knew deep down she could? Because he WANTS to be beaten, to be found out and knows she deserves to be the one after all the hell he put her through? Or in the ‘Westing is still a complete monster’ theory- is his intention to torment her one last time, to show her she can’t win against him? (if it is, I think he may well find he’s gravely mistaken there).

I don’t think Westing can truly achieve “redemption” with this “game”, nor am I one to easily believe the Ultimate Shitty Capitalist can change easily, but if one thing can shake someone’s worldview and make them reevaluate how they live their life, the death of their child WOULD be a big one. So “this will actually be Westing’s weird twisted attempt at atonement” is a possibility I just can’t stop thinking about. If it is, it’s kind of funny and incredible he can’t stop being manipulative and traumatizing even when he decides he wants to do something good.

On top of all that, Angela and Sydelle get more clues and finally figure out the ‘America the Beautiful’ connection. God, so much to chew on this chapter! I really fear for these last nine chapters. I might end up writing a novel longer than the actual novel analyzing and recapping them if I’m not careful. But that’s how you know it’s a compelling story, so hats off to Ellen Raskin!

[stupidlittlespirit]

I’m losing it, I just saw someone say they see billford as a mutually abusive/toxic relationship. (To be clear, I don’t like billford! Definitely not how most of the fandom portrays it, most of the time they misconstrue the characters so much to make it happen presently but shhhh that’s neither here nor there.) And yknow people are just going around screaming how billford is canon now and Alex ships it which is pretty annoying too! I just hate it when people say that not interpreting Bill and Ford’s relationship as a clearcut romance is cheapening the depth of it. Ugh. Feel free to ignore this if this comes across as too knee-deep in shipping discourse, I understand, but I just had to rant somewhere. And I quite agree with you on your take on their relationship and think you understand it very accurately btw, which is a majority of the reason I’m here haha!

I don't think Alex does ship it, does he? I've never heard him say that, he's usually very careful to avoid doing that because he likes people to have their own interpretation of things. He does joke about it being a break up, though, he did that when I saw him on Friday, but he's always been kinda silly with it. If you've got a serious source though I'd like to read it! He has referred to them as having a relationship, but again that doesn't mean it's an inherently romantic one. People have relationships with everyone.

You're right, though. I agree with everything you said. It does get cheapened and reduced down. It isn't canon afaik, despite what diehards say, and it is annoying when they do that and mean it seriously.

I have also seen people say Ford deserved a taste of his own medicine and deserved to be hurt for what he did to Stan and that really gets my back up.

I also don't like it when people say shit like 'well he fucked a triangle, who is he to take the high ground?!' because it feels blamey and sticky and I think it trivialises the situation. Again, a lot of people don't come to a fandom to be serious or engage with stuff as personally, so I'm not saying anyone is wrong for the way they interpret things!

For me, it's just that B/illford makes me uncomfortable a lot of the time for personal reasons, but people are entitled to ship what they want and toxic ships don't mean people are okay with in irl. I just block the tag/keyword and curate my online experience to avoid it. (Highly recommend doing that with things you dislike btw it's really helpful!)

[warrioreowynofrohan]

Today in Tolkien - March 4th

Hopefully a shorter post today, as it’s a bit of an in-between day.

I have to say, I’m amused by how cryptic Gandalf is, and I have to think he does it partially for his own entertainment. Before he rode off the previous day, even if he couldn’t explain Huorns and Ents and be believed, he could have said, “I’m going to find the remaining so,diers from the Fords and send them to join you at Helm’s Deep,” rather than riding off without explanation. And now he could say that Ents have destroyed Isengard, but he doesn’t. I think he likes the effect that surprises have on people.

The Rohirrim, with Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli, rest for most of the day, recovering from the Battle of Helm’s Deep. Near sunset they ride off for Isengard, going through the Hurorn forest, and Legolas and Gimli agree to visit Aglarond and Fangorn together after the war is over. They ride at an easy pace to the Fords, into the night; but on arriving there they find the river is gone. On the eyot (small island) in the middle of the Fords, the Rohirrim that fell at the Battles of the Fords are buried. The previous night, Gandalf sent some of Grimbold’s scattered men to make the burial; when they were done, they rode to Edoras to join Elfhelm. The Rohirrim ride a ways further north after the Fords, then stop for the night, and see smoke and vapour rising from Isengard.

Seriously, see what I mean about Gandalf?

[At the Fords]: “This is become a dreary place,” said Éomer. “What sickness has befallen the river? Many fair things Saruman has destroyed; has he devoured the springs of Isen too?”

“So it would seem,” said Gandalf.

[Later, when they have camped for the night]: “There is ever a fume above that valley in these days,” said Éomer. “But I have never seen aught like this before. These are steams rather than smokes. Saruman is brewing some devilry to greet us. Maybe he is boiling all the waters of Isen, and that is why the ruver runs dry.”

“Maybe he is,” said Gandalf. “Tomorrow we shall learn what he is doing.”

In the night, the Huorns that were at Helm’s Deep go back north to Fangorn, passing by the camped Rohirrim. The river also begins flowing again in the night.

On the same day, Merry and Pippin watch the flooding of Isengard. In the night, the Ents stop sending more of the Isen into Isengard and send the river back into its original course; the water level in Isengard begins to fall from that time on, likely leaving through some underground passages.

Frodo and Sam reach the desolation on the outskirts of Mordor. (It’s somewhat reminiscent of the des ription of the Anfauglith in the Lay of Leithian.)

Frodo looked round in horror. Dreadful as the Dead Marshes had been, and the arid moors of the Noman-lands, more loathsome far was the country that the crawling day now unveiled to his shrinking eyes. Even to the Mere of Dead Faces some haggard phantom of green spring would come; but here neither spring nor summer would ever come again. Here nothing lived, not even the leprous growths that feed on rottenness. The gasping pools were choked with ash and crawling muds, sickly white and grey, as if the mountains has vomited the filth of their entrails upon the lands about. High mounds of crushed and powdered rock, great cones of earth fire-blasted and poison-stained, stood like an obscene graveyard in endless rows, slowly revealed in the reluctant light.

They had come to the desolation that lay before Mordor: the lasting monument to the dark labour of its slaves that should endure when all their purposes were made void; a land defiled, diseased beyond all healing - unless the Great Sea should enter and wash it with oblivion. “I feel sick,” said Sam. Frodo did not speak.

...They came to a wide almost circular pit, high-banked upon the west. It was cold and dead, and a foul sump of oily many-coloured ooze lay at its bottom. In this evil hole they cowered, hoping it its shadow to escape the attention of the Eye. The day passed slowly.

It’s worth remembering that this is the land that, during Aragorn’s later march on the Black Gate, some of the men of Rohan and Gondor can’t even bring themselves to enter. Yes, they’ve never seen any place so horrible before, but neither have Frodo and Sam. So the hobbits deserve a lot of credit for even being able to keep going.

In the evening Gollum has a major internal conflict, and decides to take the hobbits to Shelob in order to get the Ring. Sam overhears, and for the first time understands that the real danger is Gollum’s hunger for the Ring, not regular hunger and the risk that Gollum will want to eat the hobbits.

During the night, the hobbits walk the rest of the way to the Black Gate; twice, Nazgûl pass overhead. (It seems a little strange that Sauron is using his most dangerous and terrifying servants mainly as scouts and messengers.) Gollum is particularly terrified, and certain that Sauron has found them, and only keeps walking under duress.

[lastsonlost]

Tara Reade, a former Senate staffer for Joe Biden, claimed in an interview last month that the former vice president had put his hand up her skirt and digitally penetrated her in 1993.

Since the March 25 interview, new evidence has emerged that seems to corroborate Reade’s story: her mother called into Larry King’s radio show about the incident in 1993, and her brother, a friend, and a neighbor all recall being told the story by Reade. Nonetheless, despite making multiple media appearances in the month since the allegation, Biden has not addressed Reade’s claim directly, though his spokespeople have denied it on his behalf. The former VP is nonetheless holding a ‘Virtual Women’s Town Hall’ on Tuesday.

Biden, who is the presumptive Democratic nominee, has also enjoyed numerous high-profile endorsements since Reade came forward, including House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and former President Barack Obama. The Spectator has compiled a list of 35 endorsers alongside their previous positions on sexual assault, supporting alleged victims, #BelieveWomen, and #MeToo.

Hillary Clinton (endorsed April 28)

‘Every survivor of sexual assault deserves to be heard, believed, and supported.’

‘Hillary’s message to survivors of sexual assault: We’re with you.’

Speaker Nancy Pelosi (endorsed April 27)

‘We must #BelieveSurvivors. I’m proud to stand with my Democratic colleagues in support of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford.’

‘#BelieveWomen’

Rep. Pramila Jayapal (endorsed April 27)

‘Brett Kavanaugh committed sexual assault and lied about it under oath.’

‘One year later, I am still awed by Dr Christine Blasey Ford’s bravery — and disgusted that neither Brett Kavanaugh nor Donald Trump have faced consequences for their actions’

‘This confirms what we already knew — Brett Kavanaugh and the president that appointed him have a history of committing sexual assault — and lying about it’

‘@JoeBiden is not answering the question about #MeToo Or is his answer “get men involved”? And when he says “we will not tolerate this culture,” does that include when he chaired the committee that Anita Hill testified to, to no avail?’

Sen. Mark Warner (endorsed April 23)

‘The Judiciary Committee simply cannot vote on Judge Kavanaugh’s nomination this Thursday. There should be a full investigation, and Professor Ford deserves to be heard. This is a serious allegation, and we have a responsibility to listen.’

‘We need to listen to Dr Ford and get to the bottom of these allegations.’

‘For too long, our political system has shut out the voices of women & silenced the stories behind the #MeToo movement.’

Gov. Jay Inslee (endorsed April 22)

‘If the Republican Senate can delay Merrick Garland’s nomination for nearly a year to steal a Supreme Court seat, they can delay Kavanaugh to investigate these disturbing allegations.

Until resolved, I call on the 30 Republican governors who have endorsed Brett Kavanaugh to rescind their endorsement immediately.’

Rep. Gwen Moore (endorsed April 22)

‘I stand with Dr Ford because, as a survivor, I #BelieveWomen. Stay strong’

‘Today’s vote to confirm Kavanaugh is a vote to silence women across the country who have come forward with their stories of survival. We will not surrender, and we will not be silenced. We will vote, and we will bring change’

Rep. Cheri Bustos (endorsed April 20)

‘It takes a lot of guts to talk publicly about a sexual assault. Thank you to all of the survivors who told their stories during this struggle to stop #Kavanaugh. Your bravery is an inspiration to our nation – you matter, your stories matter and I believe you.’

‘I believe you Dr Ford. Thank you for having the courage to come forward and tell your story today. The Senate must delay proceedings until the FBI conducts a full background investigation into Judge Kavanaugh’s alleged sexual assaults.‘

Rep. Katherine Clark (endorsed April 20)

‘Christine Blasey Ford & Deborah Ramirez deserved more than a rushed half-hearted investigation. And just like the over 20+ women who’ve accused the President of sexual assault, they deserved to be believed. #BelieveWomen’

‘Dr Ford’s testimony was powerful. She was courageous, straightforward, and I believe her.’

‘We have to stop this shame and blame game that revictimizes victims when they come forward. I believe Christine Blasey Ford. #BelieveSurvivors #Timesup’

Rep. Barbara Lee (endorsed April 20)

‘The brave survivors and allies who walked out today inspire me. I will keep fighting for a world where ALL women are treated with the respect and dignity they deserve. #BelieveWomen‘

‘When Anita Hill told her story, the Senate didn’t listen. Let’s not repeat the same mistakes of our past. The US Senate should #BelieveWomen and #PostponeTheVote on Brett Kavanaugh.’

‘27 years ago, @HouseDemWomen marched to the Senate to support Anita Hill. It breaks my heart that we are still fighting this fight in 2018. #BelieveWomen‘

Rep. Ro Khanna (endorsed April 20)

‘If Brett Kavanaugh gets confirmed, 2 out of the 9 people who serve on the highest federal court will be accused of sexual assault. Let that sink in’

‘I believe Dr Christine Blasey Ford. I believe Deborah Ramirez. I believe Anita Hill. 

‘It takes bravery for women to come out with their stories of sexual assault — especially when the accused is someone as high-profile as Brett Kavanaugh’

Rep. Andy Levin (endorsed April 20)

‘Weekend reflection…there is a new four word definition of “speaking truth to power”: Dr Christine Blasey Ford’

Rep. Jamie Raskin (endorsed April 20)

‘I linked arms w/ colleagues on the House Judiciary Committee & @HouseDemWomen to march to the Senate to tell the Banana Republicans to stop this obscene rush to install Kavanaugh on the Court after Dr Ford’s credible, sincere & compelling testimony yesterday. #DelayTheVote’

‘.@Senjudiciary must #PostponeTheVote on Brett #Kavanaugh and conduct a thorough investigation of Dr Christine Blasey Ford’s statements. The Senate and the people need to hear her testimony. #BelieveWomen‘

Rep. Jim McGovern (April 20)

‘I joined 64 Members of Congress led by @RepLoisFrankel calling for an immediate postponement of #Kavanaugh hearings until a thorough FBI investigation has been completed. #BelieveChristine‘

Sen. Mazie Hirono (endorsed April 18)

‘Today, @SenGillibrand and I accepted a letter signed by over 1,000 alumnae of @HoltonArms in support of and in solidarity with Dr Christine Blasey Ford. I will enter it into the Committee record to show that we are standing together because we #BelieveWomen‘

‘It took a lot of courage for Christine Blasey Ford to come forward to share her story of sexual assault by Brett Kavanaugh. Her story is very credible and I believe her.’

‘As I said during the hearing, this is why the #MeToo movement is so important, because often in these situations, there is an environment where people see nothing, hear nothing, and say nothing. That is what we have to change’

Sen. Brian Schatz (endorsed April 17)

‘The game that some R’s are running is that if, legally, there is reasonable doubt about the sexual assault allegations, then BK should be confirmed. That’s upside down.

This is not a criminal proceeding and the Senate is not deciding whether or not to throw him in jail. We are deciding whether or not to give him a super powerful job for life. He gets fairness, but not an evidentiary standard as if his personal freedom is at stake. It is not.’

Rep. Ted Lieu (endorsed April 16)

‘Remember: this is not a trial. It’s Brett #Kavanaugh’s job interview for a lifetime appointment to the highest court in the land. He’s not entitled to a seat on the Supreme Court, and his judicial record and these allegations cement that his nomination must be withdrawn.’

‘When #AnitaHill told her story, the Senate didn’t listen. Let’s not repeat mistakes — the Senate must give Dr Christine Blasey Ford the respect she deserves and investigate the serious allegations against Brett #Kavanaugh before it’s too late. #PostponeTheVote #BelieveWomen‘

‘I believe Dr Christine Blasey Ford. Watch the entirety of her compelling testimony and you will too.’

‘I believe Christine Blasey Ford. This is a series charge [sic], one that Mrs Ford privately told her therapist in 2012. The GOP must reopen hearings and have Brett Kavanaugh questioned under oath.’

Rep. Julia Brownley (endorsed April 16)

‘These accusations about Judge Kavanaugh are incredibly serious. Survivors deserve to be supported when they come forward, not ignored.’

‘We need the truth now. Women and girls around the world are watching, and we need to show them that we support survivors and #BelieveWomen‘

Sen. Tammy Baldwin (endorsed April 15)

‘For too long, women have stayed silent about sexual harassment and assault. The #MeToo movement is starting to change that, and I’m proud to stand with women across this country who are speaking out.’

‘Believe women.’

Rep. Gary Peters (endorsed April 15)

‘These allegations against Judge Kavanaugh are extremely serious. Professor Ford deserves the opportunity to have her voice heard and tell her story before the Judiciary Committee acts on Judge Kavanaugh’s nomination.’

Sen. Debbie Stabenow (endorsed April 15)

‘I just met with brave survivors who are committed to efforts to make sure sexual assault in all its forms is understood and stopped. So inspiring!’

Sen. Elizabeth Warren (endorsed April 15)

‘Another disgusting attempt to discredit Dr Ford, who has risked her own safety and reputation in coming forward. Many survivors of sexual assault choose not to speak out, for a thousand different reasons. But when they do, they deserve to be heard‘

‘The events described by Julie Swetnick, Ms Ramirez & Dr Ford are absolutely heart-wrenching. The idea that the Senate would continue this confirmation process without an FBI investigation is even more revolting’

Rep. Adam Schiff (endorsed April 15)

‘Some people think that even if Dr Ford told the truth, committing sexual assault in high school shouldn’t disqualify Kavanaugh. I am not one of them. Others would rather not know the truth. I am not one of them either.’

‘In the face of a credible claim of sexual assault, corroborated by a therapist’s notes, the Senate must stop the rush to confirm Kavanaugh and look into this serious allegation. To elevate him to a lifetime appointment without doing so would be reckless and unconscionable’

Rep. Mike Levin (endorsed April 15)

‘Since the #MeToo movement took off two years ago, countless women have come forward to share their experiences of sexual assault and harassment. I’m deeply grateful for their courage. Now we need to keep fighting to protect and empower survivors. #TIMESUP’

‘How many more Kavanaugh victims need to come forward before McConnell and Senate Republicans stop “plowing ahead”?’

‘Dr Ford’s extraordinarily brave and highly credible testimony today requires that the FBI conduct a thorough investigation into the multiple allegations against Brett Kavanaugh.  This must be done prior to any vote on his confirmation.  Anything less and this process is a sham.’

President Barack Obama (endorsed April 14)

‘If you support the #MeToo movement, you’re outraged by stories of sexual harassment and assault, inspired by the women who’ve shared them, you’ve gotta do more than retweet a hashtag. You’ve gotta vote.’

Obama also started the ‘It’s On Us’ campaign to combat sexual assault. Biden later promoted the campaign on college campuses, warning students to end locker room talk and avoid women who are too drunk to consent.

Sen. Bernie Sanders (endorsed April 13)

‘The revelations today confirm what we already knew: during his hearing, Kavanaugh faced credible accusations and likely lied to Congress. I support any appropriate constitutional mechanism to hold him accountable.’

Rep. Ben Ray Luján (endorsed April 13)

‘Christine Blasey Ford’s allegations must be taken seriously and investigated fully before the Senate Judiciary Committee proceeds with Brett Kavanaugh’s nomination.’

‘On this day two years ago, #MeToo went from a moment to a global movement of solidarity and action against sexual assault. We owe the brave women and men who’ve spoken out on cultures of harassment and assault a debt of gratitude.’

Tom Steyer (endorsed April 9)

‘Dr Ford is immeasurably brave. I thank her for her patriotism. We must stop Kavanaugh.’

‘It was an honor to meet Judy at our town hall in Florida last week. In her words, “We must support women, we must believe women, we must elect women.”‘

Gov. Kate Brown (endorsed April 8)

‘I’ve already said that Brett Kavanaugh should not be confirmed because he will be a threat to women’s health care. Sexual assault allegations are always serious. I urge the Senate to respect the rights of the survivor as they investigate this allegation and reject Kavanaugh.’

‘I stand with Dr Christine Blasey Ford. Today we walked out in solidarity with victims of sexual assault everywhere. #BelieveSurvivors #StopKavanaugh’

Rep. Diana DeGette (endorsed April 8)

‘Christine Blasey Ford is a hero.’

‘How brave of her to come forward. In light of this development, the scheduled vote on #Kavanaugh’s confirmation should be delayed so these serious allegations can be investigated‘

Rep. Katie Porter (endorsed April 8)

Things the Kavanaugh appointment and hearing made crystal clear: The GOP doesn’t care about survivors. The GOP doesn’t care about women’s rights.’

‘We must take *all* claims of sexual assault seriously regardless of party or political connections.’

Rep. Deb Haaland (endorsed April 8)

‘Mr. Kavanaugh’s confirmation sends a clear message to women and girls: you don’t matter. #BelieveSurvivors #TakeItBack’

‘The latest allegations against Supreme Court nominee Judge Brett Kavanaugh proves that he does not represent our values and he should not be appointed to the highest court in the land. I believe women. #BelieveSurvivors’

‘I believe Dr Christine Blasey Ford, and as a result I believe we need to do everything we can to stop Brett Kavanaugh from reaching the Supreme Court. Women deserve better than this.’

Sen. Michael Bennet (endorsed April 8)

‘The Senate should not move forward w/ Judge Kavanaugh’s nomination until the Judiciary Committee conducts a full investigation into these serious allegations. This is a lifetime appointment to one of the most powerful positions in government. We owe the American people no less.’

‘The Senate should not vote on Judge Kavanaugh’s nomination until the FBI fully investigates all of these allegations.’

‘For her courage alone, Dr Ford deserved far better than the casual dismissal we saw from members of this body’

Sen. Tom Udall (endorsed April 8)

‘I watched today’s @SenJudiciary hearing. I listened intently to Dr Christine Blasey Ford’s harrowing testimony. I believe her.’

‘The Senate should halt all proceedings on Judge Kavanaugh’s nomination until a full and independent background investigation has been conducted by the FBI into the serious allegations against him.’

Rep. John Lewis (endorsed April 7)

‘I rise today with pain in my heart.  There is not any room in a civilized society for the abuse of anyone, but especially women and girls.’

‘I’ve seen and known women who are victims and survivors and violence. Mothers, sisters, and daughters must know that their pain is our pain.’

Sen. Sherrod Brown (endorsed April 7)

‘Dr Ford’s testimony was a powerful moment for our country, and I am grateful to her and all the brave women who were inspired by her to speak out and share their own stories. It’s because of their courage that the FBI investigation is going forward.’

Rep. Jared Huffman (endorsed April 1)

‘After hearing the poised, truthful and compelling testimony from Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, it is inconceivable that Republican senators could jam through a vote on Kavanaugh without conducting an FBI investigation.  If they choose to do so, they will pay a heavy political price.’

‘Kavanaugh’s angry defiance starting to look unhinged – not the choirboy temperament he previously tried to project. If he’s this aggressive while sober, imagine stumbling drunk at 17. I believe Dr Blasey Ford & the other accusers.  This man does not belong on the Supreme Court.’

‘Choosing to just “believe” probably the biggest liar in American history, and to summarily dismiss credible accusations of sexual assault & rape, is the same thing as saying “we don’t care about sexual assault & rape.” That’s the reality of today’s GOP.’

[randomluck-ofthe-universe]

Arnie gave us production, he gave us a theme, he gave us a look, he gave us acting! with that space suit and I love it. Instead of a different iteration of the same interview we’ve seen given time and time again. Some people don’t like fun! And he’s not going crazy, this is his awesome personality finally getting to shine without being suppressed by his mother and Liz. I’m sure Harper and Ford thought this was so cool!

Thanks for your message, anon, seriously.

I think exactly like you, Armie is not crazy nor does he need help. On the contrary, I think he has never felt so good as at this moment not only from a mental and psychological point of view but also and above all from an emotional one. Feeling ourselves finally free to savor life exactly the way we have always wanted without being prisoners of an image that no longer belonged to us is the greatest and most profound form of psychophysical well-being that brings us very close to happiness. And I finally feel Armie in this new well-being, and never as right now I'm seeing inside him a free, serene, man full of life. I hope Armie is really very close to happiness he deserves. ❤️

[everwitch-magiks]

dance with somebody (ch. 13)

start from ch. 1 | back to ch. 12

They don't win.

It’s not their first loss nor anywhere near their worst, but the team is still predictably subdued as they pile back into the locker room. Whiskey makes for his stall and slumps into it, closing his eyes and allowing himself one minute to just breathe, and think of nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Then he gets back up, and crosses the room.

“Pips. Hey, Pips.”

Pips, preoccupied with slowly and methodically unlacing his skates, barely looks up.

“Hey,” Whiskey repeats, his tone a little gentler. “Good shot.”

Pips shrugs.

“Great angle,” Whiskey continues patiently. “Good call.”

“Would’ve been,” Pips mumbles. “If I hadn’t missed.”

“It was a great angle.” Whiskey’s tone is firm. “Yale’s got a killer defense, you know they do. We all knew this would be a tough one. But we almost had it – we could’ve won – and if we’d won it would’ve been because we played good, solid hockey, we stuck to our strategy and it really worked. I honestly think this is one of the best games we’ve played, this season.”

“Easy for you to say,” Pips points out, his tone still a little quiet. “Nice goal, by the way.”

Whiskey pauses for a moment. Pips is right – it was a nice goal. Maybe even the kind of goal that would’ve still been on Whiskey’s mind, last season, whether or not Samwell had won or lost in the end. This year, Whiskey can’t say he’s been as focused on his own achievements as he once used to be. Or maybe, it’s just become more difficult to separate the idea of his own progress from the progress they make as a team.

“I’d never have scored that goal without the assist from Jader,” Whiskey points out. “Which you set up, as I recall – beautiful pass, there. We should go over that sequence again at practice, see if we can make it into a new play.”

Pips shrugs.

“We still lost, in the end,” he reminds Whiskey, as if Whiskey might somehow have forgotten. Still, he sounds significantly less shattered. “This sucks. I’m so exhausted, I could sleep for a week.”

“How about you shower, first,” Whiskey suggests firmly. “Come on. We still have the kegster.”

Pips makes a face that’s somewhere right in between a frown and a grimace.

“Remember, you’re not allowed at post-keg breakfast unless you actually come to the kegster,” Whiskey makes up, perhaps a little bit too quickly. “And I’m baking, so. You kind of have to come.”

“Not sure if I’ve ever seen that in the bylaws,” Pips chirps back, without any real bite. “You making scones?”

“I fucking hope so, since I literally can’t bake anything else.”

“Ugh. Fine, then.” Pips’s expression changes into something that isn’t not a smile. “Now leave me alone so I can actually shower.”

Whiskey smiles back, relieved.

He straightens up, and looks around. The rest of the team still seems to be in varying stages of grief. Dex is across the room caught up in a quiet conversation with Louis, his expression predictably earnest – he looks up just long enough to catch Whiskey’s eye and jerk his head in Joyo’s general direction, probably because Joyo looks like he’s about to be fucking sick.

Whiskey spares a second to offer Dex a single nod. Then he goes.

Much, much later, Whiskey finally makes it out of the locker room.

Technically speaking, he isn’t late. Because thankfully, he did have the sense to inform Miguel that it might take him a little while before they could meet up, after the game. Still, Miguel probably didn’t expect a little while to equal almost two hours.

Maybe it’s just as well, Whiskey thinks miserably. Maybe he's been pathetically nervous all week about taking a boy to the post-game kegster for absolutely no reason at all.

A little out of breath, Whiskey half-jogs the last few steps down the corridor before finally pushing the door open, stepping into the night. Their agreed-upon meeting place is just around the corner. As Whiskey makes the turn, he fully expects to find it completely empty.

It’s not.

Miguel is sitting cross-legged on the steps to the side entrance of Faber. He’s typing something on his phone, his fingers moving rapidly, which is why he hasn’t seemed to notice Whiskey’s presence just yet. He looks… Really pretty. Almost more so than usually.

Whiskey pauses for a moment.

It feels more than a little bit surreal, now that the moment is finally here. This is actually happening. Miguel has waited for him, all this time, and any minute now Whiskey will go over to him, and say hi, and then he’ll-

Miguel looks up.

Whiskey’s breath catches as their eyes meet.

Immediately, Miguel gets to his feet.

“Hey.”

“Hi.” Whiskey manages a few steps forward. There. He can totally do this. “I’m so sorry I took so long.”

“No, no, it’s fine.” Miguel shifts his feet. He’s smiling a little, in a way that makes him look uncharacteristically shy. “I’m not sure what the protocol is for when you play super well but don’t actually win… Congratulations is probably wrong, but that goal? Was seriously awesome.”

“Thanks.” Whiskey clears his throat. He’s not sure what the protocol is for any of this. “Um. Should we…?”

“Yeah, yes.” Miguel sticks his hands in his pockets. “D’you… It’s this way, right? The hockey frat.”

“The Haus,” Whiskey corrects him automatically. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

Miguel continues to chat about the game as they walk, bringing up details about Whiskey's playing that are specific enough for Whiskey to wonder if Miguel has watched any of the other players much at all. It’s kind of sweet, in a way that Whiskey hasn't been sure if he has any reason to expect, tonight.

Because it's not like Whiskey actually knows whether or not Miguel thinks of this as a date. Whether or not Miguel even wants it to be.

When they get there, the kegster seems to be nearing full swing.

Whiskey gets them each a cup of tub juice, which Miguel has several intrigued questions about, and that conversation carries them inside. Without any real plan, Whiskey leads Miguel into the kitchen. The volume is a little less unbearable there, and Whiskey is nowhere near ready to be faced with a dance floor just yet.

They say hello to Tango and Louis, who both appear almost disappointingly unfaced when Whiskey introduces Miguel. Still, when Dex looks up from his pie dough long enough to spare them a glance, Whiskey isn't entirely comfortable with how Dex’s eyes dart curiously between Whiskey and Miguel, either.

"This is by far the nicest frat house I've ever been to." Miguel sips his tub juice, his gaze moving from the colorful curtains to the potted plants on the windowsill. "You have to tell me your secret. D'you lot have a housekeeper cooped up in the basement, or something?"

"Not a housekeeper, exactly," Whiskey says, grinning slightly. "But he does actually live in the basement."

"Hey!" Dex protests cheerfully. "I'll have you know Bitty called my bungalow a five-star resort."

"Was that before or after you installed the jacuzzi?" Tango asks.

Miguel catches Whiskey's eyes, his eyebrows raised.

"No, really." Whiskey shrugs. "Dex built a bungalow in the basement. With a jacuzzi."

"Right. Suddenly, I'm not as impressed by the houseplants." Miguel smiles. "Who's Bitty?"

"Oh, he was our captain last year," Louis tells him. "Solid dude. And of course the first out NCAA men’s hockey captain. Hey, Dex, does that make you the second?"

"Dunno, there's this dude in Colorado who came out around the same time." Dex shrugs. "And there's out players in lots of places, this year."

"As there should be." Tango raises his can of beer, grinning. "Here's to us, blazing the trail as the gayest NCAA team there is!"

Whiskey shakes his head, smiling a little as he takes a drink with the rest of them. Miguel meets his eyes again over the top of his cup. His expression is somewhat difficult to read – he looks both curious and, for some reason, a little doubtful.

"I never really got why Bitty gave you his dibs," Tango tells Whiskey, before Miguel has the chance to ask anything else. "Obviously, super well deserved. I just didn't think you two were ever that close."

It's just like Tango, to be asking a question even when he technically isn't.

"Dibs?" Miguel repeats with interest.

"His room," Whiskey says quickly. "I got Bitty's room, when he moved out." He turns towards Tango. "I don't know. We had some good conversations, I guess."

"Well, then that must've..." Tango begins, then stops. He grins. "Hey. That's the song, isn't it?"

As if on cue, Ford bursts through the door.

"Legends only!" she hollers, grinning happily towards Tango and Whiskey before noticing Miguel's presence between them. "Oh. Hello, there."

"Ford, this is Miguel, we’re.... He's in my class, and-"

"Yes, great, we can all meet later. Now come on." Ford gestures wildly towards the living room. "We have to dance!"

They pile out of the kitchen, Miguel sticking close to Whiskey. Thankfully, he looks mostly amused, as opposed to completely and utterly panicked. Whiskey wishes he could say the same for himself.

It's not too bad, at first. I wanna dance with somebody has been the song of their trio for a while, now – Whiskey can’t quite pinpoint when exactly that happened, but that doesn’t make it any less true – and so it’s not the first time he’s found himself in the middle of the Haus dance floor making himself look ridiculous next to Ford and Tango. He’s done this before, and it’s not so different with Miguel right there beside him, smiling and moving to the music. If anything, it’s a little better. A little more.

The next song is different.

It’s still up-tempo, thank God, and they all keep dancing, but there’s something about the sound of this song, or maybe the lyrics, that makes Whiskey look over towards Miguel a lot more. Surprisingly, Miguel is looking at him too. Miguel is looking at Whiskey a whole fucking lot. Maybe he’s been, the whole time since they got to the Haus – or maybe, if Whiskey thinks about it, Miguel has kind of been paying close attention to him for a lot longer than that.

Out of the corner of his eye, Whiskey sees Dex pull Nursey into a kiss. Across the room, Joyo is stepping into Jader’s personal space without any hesitation, and then they’re both disappearing out of the Haus, their hands loosely intertwined. There’s nothing holding me back croons the singer on the track, his voice raw and hungry and desperate, and all of a sudden, Whiskey wants to scream.

He needs to get out of there.

“Hey,” he says, getting Miguel’s attention – not that he didn’t have it, already. “D’you want-”

“Yeah.” Miguel doesn’t even wait for Whiskey to finish the sentence. “Sure. Sounds good.”

“Okay.” Whiskey breathes, in and out. “Okay. This way.”

He leads Miguel through the crowd, out into the hallway and up the stairs. Before he can think too much about it, they’re stepping into Whiskey’s bedroom. Unfortunately, the state of it is truly a testament to the fact that Whiskey never imagined tonight playing out quite like this.

“Man, I wish I didn't share a dorm room.” Miguel is looking around himself, a little curiously. He doesn’t seem to mind the unmade bed or the dirty laundry discarded in various places. “I’m hoping to move into the water polo frat, next semester – we don’t have a dibs system, so there’s basically just a list, and…”

Miguel trails off. He’s looking at Whiskey, who’s sitting on the edge of his bed, still struggling to keep his breaths even.

“Hey,” Miguel says gently. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Whiskey manages, before shaking his head. “No. Not really.”

“Okay.” Miguel shifts his feet. “D’you… Should I go?”

“No,” Whiskey says immediately. He looks up at Miguel, his mind suddenly a little clearer. “No, I’m… I’d like it if you stayed. Please.”

Miguel studies his expression for a moment, biting his lower lip, and all of a sudden it seems like he finds what he’s been looking for all this time. He takes a step forward, then another, until he’s slowly walked all the way over to Whiskey. Carefully, and very deliberately, he reaches out to gently trace his fingertips across Whiskey’s cheek.

“I’m not reading this wrong, am I?” he asks, his tone quiet. “Whiskey. Please say something.”

Whiskey takes a steadying breath.

“You’re exactly right,” he admits, his voice coming out rougher than he expected. “Exactly right. Miguel, I’m… I want-”

“Okay,” Miguel breathes out. “Okay. Good.”

Then he leans in.

It’s a wonderful kiss, soft and languid and unhurried, and Whiskey lets his eyes fall shut. He can’t believe that this is actually happening. Can’t believe how he ever got so lucky.

There’s a noise from the stairs, and then someone passes by out in the hallway. Whiskey pulls back, abruptly.

“I’m not out,” he says hurriedly.

Miguel blinks.

“Oh,” he says, clearly startled. “Okay, that’s… Okay.”

“Can I…” Whiskey licks his lips. “Can I close the door?”

“Yeah. Of course.”

Quickly, Whiskey crosses the room and closes the door. Then he turns around. Miguel sits down in the space Whiskey just vacated, his expression a little confused.

The moment has passed.

Whiskey pulls out his desk chair and sinks down into it.

“I’m sorry,” he adds, even though he’s not sure what good it’ll do. Still, it’s the truth. “I’m so sorry that I’m not… That we can’t just-”

“No. Stop.” Miguel’s tone is firm. “You’ve done nothing wrong. Obviously, you’re not required to be out. It’s hardly mandatory.”

“It would make things easier,” Whiskey argues weakly.

“Maybe, yeah.” Miguel shrugs. He smiles a little. “This actually explains so much.”

“I’m so sorry,” Whiskey repeats, then continues before Miguel can protest again. “Are you, uh. Are you out?”

“Yeah. I came out at the end of last semester.” Miguel shrugs again. “I’m the only one on the water polo team, but they’ve all been very cool about it. Maybe not quite as cool as your team, but that’s kind of asking for a lot, isn’t it?”

“Samwell Men’s Hockey is a special place,” Whiskey agrees. It doesn’t make him feel any less guilty. “I’m just… I don’t know, if…”

Whiskey trails off. He’s not even sure what he’s trying to say.

“Okay,” Miguel says calmly. He tilts his head, his expression shifting into something a little less hesitant. “So.”

There’s something in his tone that Whiskey can’t quite place. He’s never been so confused by a single syllable, before.

“So,” Miguel repeats, a little more firmly. “Does this mean kissing’s off the table, or…?”

Whiskey stares at him.

“No,” he says, at least five seconds too late. “No, that’s… You still want to?”

“Uh, yes?” Miguel grins sheepishly. “I mean, only if you do, too. No pressure. We can just chill, or whatever."

“Um.” Whiskey licks his lips. “No, I’m… I’d actually really like that.”

Miguel's grin widens, just a bit.

Then he gets up, and quickly makes his way over.

ch. 14