#no shade to furfur

[meatballlady]

Am I the only person here who is thirsting after Shax? How, between Shax and Furfur, is Furfur the one that gets so much attention?

Shax is a conniving sexy bitch in leather. And that lipstick?? 🥵

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

DEMON'S GUIDE to ANGELIC BEINGS who WALK the EARTH

HASTUR’S FURFUR’S COPY DO NOT REMOVE

(the end of the entry for the previous angel:) On sighting: TORMENT An easy target, any demon who does not proceed to aggravate said angel in execessive quantities will be PUNISHED with full diabolical force.

******

AZIRAPHALE

Principality. Angel of the Eastern Gate.

Appearance: Fair hair. Suspishus Ears. Plum hands. Replusively soft (underlined by a pencil several times). Can genrully be found wearing various shades of loathsome beige. Occasional spectacles.

Stationed: Land of the Angles, Hemisphere of the West & North.

Residunce: Angelic Embassy X also known as AZ Fell & Co, 105 Whickber Street, London.

Known Earthly Occupations: Guard of Eden, Music Tyooter, White Knight, Garden Deziner, Bishop, Bookseller. (written by a pencil: +TERRIBLE MAGISHUN)

Weaponry: Flaming Sord.

On sighting: AVVOID A wily opponent, this demon smiter must be warily approached. Report any interactions to the demon Crowley. (the word 'Crowley' is circled and underlined several times by a pencil + note: CHANGED HIS NAME? YUCK!)

A NOTE BY A PENCIL SAYING: CROWLEY IS SUSPISHUS! DON'T TRUST HIM! HIS HAIR IS BAD!

******

BARAQIEL

Dominion. Angel of the Sky.

Appearance: Hair an eye-burning jinnjer. Eyebrows with the appearance of a grisly slug. Often draped in red. Occashunly damp, most likely singed.

Fun fact:

[aziraphales-library]

hello! i read a work from your recommendation list, the "Heaven and Hell share a corporate party once per millennium. This time someone's had the bright idea of issuing a challenge to the demons of Hell. Crowley has no intention of missing the opportunity; Aziraphale's just enough of a bastard to make him work for it." and i really enjoyed it. it has me wanting for more of scenarios where they like have to flirt for whatever reason or crowley attempting to (preferably shamelessly and obnoxiously) seduce aziraphale. thanks in advance!

Here are some fics in which Crowley seduces Aziraphale...

To Woo an Angel by AgentStannerShipper (G)

5 times Crowley tried to "seduce" Aziraphale, and 1 time he realized there was no need.

nothing else matters like us by Melacka (T)

The order came through on an otherwise dull Sunday afternoon in 2004. Crowley had just returned from a spot of low-level tempting in the south of London and was just contemplating an appropriate excuse to stop by at Aziraphale’s bookshop when the message arrived. It was pushed under the door by a courier so steeped in terror that Crowley could sense it from the other side of the flat. With some considerable annoyance, Crowley fetched the envelope and eased the note out, reading it quickly with a frown deepening on his face. Seduce the Angel Aziraphale. Failure will not be tolerated.

How I'm Imagining You by orphan_account (M)

Crowley gets up, walking slowly over to the bar. An onlooker might be struck by the stalking and languid ease with which he walks, like a lioness to her prey. His hips, so smooth and slow. And he tilts his head back, lips parted. Surveys the room and the man with covered eyes. But there is no one looking at him. Every other patron doesn’t need to look at the bar at this moment, look at the man and the prey. So, they don’t. - (Crowley has fun with a little temptation of his own)

shades of grey by IneffableStar (E)

After Aziraphale's West End debut was nearly ruined by Furfur's espionage attempt, Aziraphale gets to thinking about if Heaven may also be watching them, and decides it best that he go search for any evidence against them. Crowley will only allow Aziraphale to go on one condition: Crowley comes along. or Crowley accompanies Aziraphale on a trip upstairs, but he has entirely ulterior motives.

It's your job by falsepremise (E)

After a night sucking oysters with Aziraphale, Crowley just can’t sleep. Perhaps he should hang around in Rome a little longer... After all, tempting a certain angel is his job, isn’t it?

Gormless Seduction by munchmulch (T)

Crowley grimaces. "Nhnnnnggg, ok, alright. But, hear me out." They flick a hand dramatically. "An angel! A being who can make Holy water! Even if I can keep the whole human disguise thing up, what if they, I don't know . . . want me baptised?" Dagon stares at Crowley blankly for a second before handing them the assignment kit. "You’ll start tomorrow. The address is highlighted, if you get lost and have to call me for directions I will direct you through at least three traffic jams."

And the one you mentioned that everyone knows and loves...

One Night In Bangor (And the World's Your Oyster) by Atalan (E)

"All right, I know I'm going to regret asking this," Aziraphale says. "What exactly does this wager entail?" Crowley grins like the cat that not only got the cream but has absconded with the entire cow. He grabs the bottle and swigs straight from it despite Aziraphale's tut of disapproval.  "The pot goes to whichever demon can get an angel into bed by the end of the evening."  AKA The Fic That Tumblr Made Me Write. Heaven and Hell share a corporate party once per millennium. This time someone's had the bright idea of issuing a challenge to the demons of Hell. Crowley has no intention of missing the opportunity; Aziraphale's just enough of a bastard to make him work for it.

- Mod D

[agoodomenssideblogiguess]

What if Aziraphale wasn't on earth between 1941 and 1967?

What if, the same way Crowley was brought back to Hell in 1827 Aziraphale was recalled to Heaven in 1941?

Hear me out: Aziraphale has been making slow but steady progress within his character arc right? In 1941 at the end of the night, sharing drinks with Crowley in the bookshop, Aziraphale was willing to accept that things are not always black and white and sometimes there is room for shades of grey (albeit very light grey). Compare this to his thinking concerning Elspeth. Aziraphale kept flip flopping back and forth over whether Elspeth's actions were good or bad. He didn't seem to consider her actions were ethically complicated. In his mind they could either be good or bad depending on whatever information came to light in the moment.

It also seems that after the church, the magic trick, and the shades of grey discussion, Crowley and Aziraphale are back on good terms with one another. At the very least, talking and willing to spend time together again. Other than the mention of how easily accessible the holy water is in the church, Crowley doesn't seem to mention or allude to his request again. However, in 1967, it feels like their interactions are strained again. Aside from the awkwardness and tension in their conversation, it's also strange that Crowley is surprised to see Aziraphale in the Bentley (despite being PARKED IN FRONT OF THE BOOKSHOP) and that Aziraphale is only aware of what Crowley is up to through second-hand means “I work in Soho, I hear things." (You don't need to 'hear things' when Crowley is conducting those things IN FRONT OF THE BOOKSHOP)

So what happened? My theory: Aziraphale has been serving out a punishment in Heaven since 1941.

Fandom consensus seems to be that there is a 1941 pt. 3 coming next season and many are hoping for a kiss or something undeniably romantic (I am too ngl). But what if it's actually a scene where Aziraphale gets dragged back up to heaven?

Shax said that 80-90 years ago was the first time that she heard about Crowley and Aziraphale being an item. We can assume that this 80-90 years ago was during Furfur’s failed evidence presentation to Dagon and F(r)iends.

A lot of demons were hanging around in that scene. It wouldn’t surprise me if one of them (or Shax herself) got in touch with an angel in Heaven and let them know about the rumor downstairs of Crowley working with an angel on Earth.

Obviously, Heaven can’t allow that, and who else could it be other than Aziraphale? He’s the only angel down there, so they recall him. Without evidence though, and given that (1) it's a demon's word against an angel's; (2) less than a century and a half ago, Gabriel awarded Aziraphale a medal for his work on earth (bookstore opening cut scene); and (3) as far as we know, Aziraphale hasn’t had any major offenses other than frivolous use of miracles, I don’t think Heaven can really do much. That doesn’t mean they don’t do anything, I just don’t think they do anything like use hellfire on him or make him fall.

Despite the lack of evidence, Heaven still has to make an example out of Aziraphale for getting caught working with a demon. I think whatever punishment Heaven doles out, keeps Aziraphale up in Heaven for a long time.

(Small tangent: If it can be traced back to one event rather than a slow progression over millenia, this rumor is also probably what makes all the archangels be so cruel to Aziraphale (or at least finally gives them permission to act on what they’ve been wanting to do for ages). Maybe this is when they start looking into Aziraphale’s past endeavors and notice Crowley everywhere.)

It could be worse, if there had been evidence, it would have been worse. Still (Aziraphale might think), this is Heaven, 'the side of good', they wouldn't take it too far. He probably received a trial before his punishment began. And yeah the trial is more for show than anything else, but it's not like Hell would have bothered with any of that. Hell would probably delve right into whatever torture they'd decided for punishment. His time spent in Heaven, no matter how intense the punishment, would have been a breeze to tolerate compared to what Hell would do to Crowley. Speaking of which...

By the time Heaven lets Aziraphale back down to Earth, I think he would be a mess of mindless worry. He had just come to terms with his feelings for Crowley after all. Maybe this is why Aziraphale decides to give Crowley the holy water after all. He's had more than enough time in Heaven to realize that as much as he wants to protect Crowley and keep him safe, all that intent means nothing if he's stuck in Heaven because of his own carelessness. In Aziraphale's absence (or destruction), holy water could keep Crowley safe, at least from Hell, even if it is dangerous. Once Aziraphale is back on Earth, when he hears what Crowley was plotting, it probably further cements his decision to give it to him.

If Aziraphale got taken up to Heaven right after the magic show, he probably has no idea if his palming of the polaroid worked for sure. The bookshop is a safe place for Crowley to be away from Hell, but how long will that last? Is it still an embassy with Aziraphale up here in heaven? Is Crowley defenseless against the other demons down there? Did Hell come for Crowley after all even without evidence?

So how long is Aziraphale gone for? We already know that after Crowley got sent back to hell in 1827 and Aziraphale didn’t see him again for “a very long time.” The next meeting we, as an audience, see between them is the holy water request in 1862. So at worst, Crowley's been in Hell for ~30 years. Heaven probably would have taken Aziraphale back for a similar amount of time. And wow look at that, 26 years ago by between 1941 and 1967.

There’s enough ambiguity in the set and dialogue to allow for this length of absence as well. I already wrote a post about how ridiculous Aziraphale is for saying 'I work in Soho I hear things' in 1967 when the whole scene takes place outside the bookshop and how equally ridiculous Crowley is for seeming to think Aziraphale wouldn't notice him prancing around the block plotting to steal from a church. But maybe Crowley conducting his holy water heist business all over Aziraphale's corner of Soho is because as far as he knows Aziraphale isn't around anymore. In my post, I point out that the bookshop is blocked off by the "Striptease" and "Love Shop Cinema" signs but that you can tell it’s the bookshop because of its pillars.

I admitted that it was weird to cover up half the windows, but didn't really have any diegetic explanation for it. Maybe the explanation is that Aziraphale’s bookshop has been abandoned for years. In which case, I think Crowley might be hanging around Soho caring for it and the books, making sure it doesn't get vandalized, protecting it from snooping humans, etc. (tangent: this could also be why Aziraphale says that the bookshop is both of theirs. Maybe the "plenty of use" he said Crowley got out of it was while Aziraphale was away. Maybe Crowley used it as a pseudo base of operations.)

Aziraphale being gone would also explain why, suddenly, 105 years after his initial request, Crowley is plotting to steal holy water from a church. Aziraphale has been gone a long enough time that Crowley is starting to get antsy. Maybe he’s starting to think that Aziraphale is gone for good (not dead, he is an OPTIMIST DAMMIT). I think Crowley is spurred to start the holy water heist because he thinks Aziraphale isn’t going to be assigned to earth any more and whoever they're sending down next is going to be more of a smitey kind of angel. And if Aziraphale isn’t around anymore, then the demon-proof-except-for-Crowley-bookshop/embassy is also likely not going to stop any demons from getting to Crowley whenever they want. If Aziraphale is really not coming back, then Crowley is alone again, on his own side, for the first time since they saved Job's kids. He's gonna really need that insurance now more than ever and unfortunately, he has no one else to rely on. He’s gonna have to procure it himself, even if it’s dangerous and dumb.

Aziraphale's absence (as much as I am loathe to let go of the theory that Aziraphale and Crowley are just being incredibly dramatic idiots) can also explain some of the dialogue from the 1967 scene.

“What are you doing here?” might seem a silly thing to say when Crowley is parked outside of the bookshop, but makes sense if he's reacting to seeing Aziraphale for the first time in years, so damn close it can’t be a dream, right inside the Bentley.

“I work in Soho, I hear things,” is not just a way to give the audience exposition that Crowley wouldn’t need but a way for Aziraphale to explain why he’s there.

The barely concealed desperation in Crowley's voice when wanting to give Aziraphale a lift home (despite being LITERALLY OUTSIDE THE BOOKSHOP), or to take him anywhere he wants, makes a little more sense if he hasn’t seen him in years, wants to catch up, and doesn’t even know where Aziraphale would be staying if not the bookshop.

If this theory is true and Aziraphale has been absent between 1941 and 1967, it could explain why we don't see the bookshop in the 1967 scene even though everything else in the scene points to it taking place on that corner, it would give Aziraphale a reason for deciding to give Crowley the holy water after all even though hes been stubbornly opposed to it for more than a century, and it could also explain why even though he was making a lot of progress character wise to, it felt like he was regressing again.

[rel312]

I HAD NO IDEA SEASON 2 CAME OUT ALREADY SO NOW IM GOING TO SCREAM ABOUT IT

Episode 1:

CROWLEY WANTED TO TAKE AZIRAPHALE BACK TO THE PLACE THEY FIRST MET

CROWLEY PROTECTED AZIRAPHALE FIRST IM SCREAMING

(My brother actually came into my room to tell me to shut up)

Of course Aziraphale would just forgive 8 months rent

Lmao Gabriel’s just walking down the street ass naked

Gabriel just hugged Aziraphale I can’t

“James. Long for Jim, short for Gabriel”

Crowley knows Aziraphale so well, but poor guy he only calls him for 3 reasons

Poor Crowley is trying so hard not to freak out about the “naked man friend”

The conversation between Crowley and Jim I can’t

Maggie and Nina are trapped together!!

Michael and Uriel are fighting let’s gooo

Crowley just casually let the girls out lmao

THERES AN I WAS WRONG DANCE OH MY GOD

THEYRE PERFORMING A MIRACLE TOGETHER

Aaaaaand of course it goes immediately wrong

Episode 2:

Gabriel’s wig is atrocious

IS AZIRAPHALE GOING TO BE THE SUPREME ARCHANGEL NOW

A jukebox that turns every song into Everyday like the Bentley with Queen, hmmm….

Crowley looks like a doting partner bringing his husband a drink

“Get humans wet and staring into each other’s eyes, vavoom, sorted” sir… are you telling me that’s what did it for you???

Crowley’s so confounded that Jane Austen wrote books

THE VOICE OF GOD???

HE TURNED ALL THE GOATS INTO BIRDS

Crowley scaring the kids cause they were brats but not actually killing them aww

The little girl asking to be a blue lizard with her siblings she’s so cute

CROWLEY TAUGHT AZIRAPHALE TO EAT

I cannot believe Aziraphale was the first to talk about sides I love them

Crowley and Aziraphale working together for the first time to save the kids

Aziraphale looks so shaken to have lied poor baby

Crowley babe he’s begging for you to drive him

“Our car” you can’t take it that far lol

Poor Aziraphale really thought he was gonna fall he was about to cry

Crowley was so soft in that last scene

Episode 3:

Jim’s stuff is all labeled

Aziraphale looks like a proud father to Muriel

Crowley’s moving the plants to use the car

They both look like parents I love them

Crowley brought Aziraphale to a cemetery because he thought it would amuse him, that is date behavior

Crowley is about to kill Aziraphale for changing his car

NESSIE?!?!

“Operation: Lovebirds” Crowley is such a dork

Aziraphale just is not getting anything lol

Crowley… shrunk himself??? And then grew himself????

Crowley tempted her to be good I love him

I love the very closed sign

Demons can’t enter somewhere uninvited???

He’s so angry Aziraphale might be hurt

Episode 4:

BEEBOP

“His type”????

“I remember hearing that you and Crowley were an item” HOLY SHIT

HE CALLED CROWLEY HIS GOOD FRIEND AFTER THE CHURCH!!!

“This office has gone 13 5 0 days without anyone saying ‘THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED’”

Glad to see Aziraphale in his magic era

Crowley’s impression is hilarious

“Someone you can really trust” and his first thought is Crowley 🥹

Aziraphale has a gun and Crowley has never shot one

Crowley was shaking he was so scared and Aziraphale was so proud of his trick

Furfur not knowing how to pronounce Aziraphale lmao

Sleight of hand!

Look at them finding a middle ground in shades of grey!

Lmao Crowley would murder him if he knew Aziraphale didn’t put the brakes

Episode 5:

They’re talking about Doctor Who

Aziraphale’s giving books and Crowley’s playing with crystal balls, I love them

Aziraphale being bad at French is so funny to me

Nina grilling Crowley on his relationship with Aziraphale is everything

Crowley was confronted with his feelings and immediately went out to get a drink with Aziraphale

Crowley’s so mad go off king

The matchbox!

Aww look at Crowley denying he’s nice

The romantic music while Crowley looks at Aziraphale with the chandelier

Oh. My. GOD. Jim’s suit!

Lol that’s not what I was expecting when they said masks will be provided

AZIRAPHALE WANTS TO DANCE WITH CROWLEY

THEYRE DANCING!!!!!!

“Surrender the angle”

Gabriel’s coat!!

“T. O. S. T. E.”

“You’re a good lad” “not actually, either”

“Rescuing me makes him so happy” you can’t just say things like that and expect me to be normal about it

Episode 6:

Crowley’s just bouncing around in heaven

“I’m done with being scared” *flips them the bird*

Oh sweetie, you meant well but no

“Crowley’s emotional support angel” yes, yes that’s exactly what he is

Crowley’s little supportive punch to Muriel was so cute

AZIRAPHALES HALO?!?!

THE FLY

Gabriel x Beelzebub confirmed??

The fact that Gabriel and Beelzebub were able to sort this out in a few years while it’s taken Crowley and Aziraphale 6000 is insane

And the fact that Aziraphale grabbed Crowley’s arm when he realized that

Crowley’s so impressed with Aziraphale bringing everyone to order

Aziraphale’s face at Crowley talking about Alpha Centauri

Aziraphale looking at Crowley with so much love in his eyes is giving me life

THE METATRON?!?!

Aziraphale looking to Crowley for permission I can’t

Crowley knowing Aziraphale will come back and saying they need “a little us time” at the Ritz

Crowley getting antsy that Aziraphale’s not back yet

Nina taking inspiration from Crowley and calling Maggie angel my beloved

Crowley looks devastated that Aziraphale interrupted him

Aziraphale looks so incredibly happy at getting Crowley to be an angel again but there’s no way Crowley wants that

Crowley’s getting so emotional

“Just be an us” stooooopppppp

“I need you” I can’t take this!

Nightingales

THEY KISSED!!!!!!!!!

Aziraphale touched his lips after I’m dying

Aziraphale stop being so stupid and get him back

The- the second coming??

YOU CANNOT END IT HERE

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP

Please tell me there will be a season 3 I can’t handle this

[aithusarosekiller]

Okay I'm being insane again

Extremely unlikely theory time!!

Furfur is the (metaphorical) rainstorm in episode 4

So we all know this:

And how it ties in with this:

Well I think that THIS is very similar despite there being no physical storm to shelter from- because I believe that Furfur's meddling was supposed to BE the storm:

I know that a lot of GO demons and angels aren't portrayed as a perfect translation of who they're based on (we can see below that Furfur was brought down a few ranks for the show...which makes me wonder why they chose him instead of making a new demon or smth...)

but I just find it kind of funny that the demon they chose to turn into the character whose role is to come along and meddle with A+C's lives -eventually forcing them to look at each other along the barrel of the rifle as they stood under the stage together and quite possibly realised just how deep their feelings were- is described as this:

I have managed to convince myself that Furfur is Episode four's rainstorm, leading up a defining moment in Aziraphale and Crowley's relationship.

The second the 'rainstorm' (Furfur and his miracle blocker) hits them, and Crowley is forced onto that stage with Az, he is seemingly hit right in the face with the knowledge that he cares about Aziraphale far too much to ever hurt him, similar to the trust in the previous three sheltering scenes and in line with Crowley's 'realise they were made for each other' line. They stood there together, Crowley trying to keep aziraphale safe, while a storm was raging around them, while also having that large revelation about their rs and his own feelings.

I think the 'realise they were made for each other' moment Crowley seems so certain about happened for him in 1941 because that was probably the exact thought he had when he looked across the stage at Aziraphale's pleading face, knowing that he didn't want to shoot but still going on to do it just because Az was dead set on doing the trick

He did it because aziraphale wanted him to, because he couldn't say no to him, and he realised that he felt that he was *made* for him

(Which is all then closely followed up by the two of them seeing Furfur off and going on to have a very romantic candlelit drink together, and a conversation about trust and the whole 'shades of grey' business which I will not joke about rn)

Anyway, I know this is almost definitely just me connecting dots that were never meant to be connected but theorising is fun!!

[feralbutfluffy]

Crowley | 1941.

A good night. Ridiculous amount of reciprocal rescuing going on. 

He’d gone in first of course, saving Aziraphale from nazi-bullet discorporation, but Aziraphale had been close behind with his miracle to keep them safe from the rerouted bomb, and Crowley had thankfully had the foresight to save Aziraphale’s precious books. 

And the way Aziraphale had looked at him - really looked at him - when he handed him that bag of dusty old books; a completely stunned expression, like… like… Well. Anyway. Crowley had felt something twist tight in his chest. 

Then, in the Bentley, Aziraphale had thanked him again in his own way. 

There must be something I can do for you, in return?

And he couldn’t possibly have meant it the way it sounded, but Crowley had heard the implied proposition and he'd gripped the steering wheel far too tight and been grateful to the burning city around them for hiding the flush that crept up his neck.

And then, of course, that whole mess with Aziraphale's magic act. The miracle blocker. The real fear of discorporating his best friend. The sheer relief of not having done so, and then Furfur’s threat, and Aziraphale saving the day with truly astonishing sleight of hand the likes of which he hadn’t managed before or since.

And then dinner, and then wine, and then toasting to shades of grey, and then more wine…

And long past midnight then, drunker than they'd been in ages, staring at the ceiling, lying on the floor with their feet far apart and their heads close together like the hands on a clock. Aziraphale was talking nonsense about some new invention he had heard about called a ballpoint pen , and Crowley was doing his level best to focus on what he was saying, but the alcohol smudged his thoughts, making them hazy and warm and ephemeral, and when it came down to it he found he didn't really care about ballpoint pens. He only cared about how content he felt, lying on the hard floor, listening to the familiar cadence of his friend's voice.

Aziraphale shifted slightly to emphasise something and his absurd cloud of hair brushed Crowley's temple. He was suddenly uncomfortably aware of the angel’s proximity. He shifted his head slightly, away from Aziraphale, and tried to focus on the words.

“It’s not actually for sale yet. But. Rumour is it'll be the next Big Thing.”

“A pen,” said Crowley dubiously. 

“Yes! A pen!”

Aziraphale moved his head closer to Crowley’s and his hair brushed his temple again, soft and distracting and irritating. Aziraphale was still speaking, but Crowley could hear nothing but a high-pitched ringing in his ears. 

Tinnitus, probably.

He twisted his head away, only to feel an unexpected jolt as Aziraphale swatted at his chest with the back of his hand, asking him something. Crowley looked down his nose at the hand still on his chest, fingers curled slightly, languid, content. He froze, his body becoming so absolutely still that it was a struggle just to pull in air, and all he could think of was ‘ There must be something I can do for you, in return?’ And maybe he hadn't imagined it. Maybe there had been something there. But probably not. He turned his eyes away from the hand on his chest and stared straight ahead.

He forced himself to exhale.

He could feel Aziraphale looking at him, expecting an answer to whatever he’d said, and Crowley wished he could say something mildly amusing but he hadn't heard the question and frankly it was all he could do to keep his eyes fixed on the ceiling and focus on breathing in and out.

And Aziraphale noticed. Naturally. “Are you listening to me?”

“Not really.” Crowley sighed. Might as well be honest.

“It’s going to replace quills! ”

“Alright,” said Crowley, and tried to remember the last time he’d written down anything longer than his signature. He sidled a glance at Aziraphale, who looked quite distressed. He’d never been great with new developments. He was worrying at his lip, the back of his hand still absent-mindedly resting on Crowley’s chest. 

Crowley returned his gaze to the safety of the ceiling.

“How about this, angel; if I ever see anyone carrying around one of these ballpoint pens, - which is not a given, might not even ever be a thing - but if I do… ink explosion! Little demonic miracle ink explosion. Every time.” 

He felt the hand leave his chest. Aziraphale flipped over, dragged himself up on his elbows and shuffled closer on his forearms until his face eclipsed Crowley’s view. He smiled all crooked and sweet and drunk and heavy-lidded and said, "You really are a good demon " in the same way one might say, "You really are a good dog " and Crowley thought that if he had a tail it would have wagged against his will.

"Well, actually," continued Aziraphale, frowning slightly, "not a good demon, really. In fact you're actually, you're actually… I think you might be too good to be a good demon, Crowley."

"Shut up," said Crowley, not sounding half as annoyed as he’d intended.

"I'm serious! I don't think you’ve the heart for it. Except maybe tempting. You're very good at that." He somehow managed to sound both proud and disapproving.

Crowley made a non-committal sound.

“I think what you are, my friend, is a very good not-very-good demon,” Aziraphale pronounced.

And then Aziraphale had tipped forward and given him a peck on the lips. 

It was a wine-drunk, closed-mouthed peck thoughtlessly delivered, but it might as well have been a lightning bolt. Crowley’s entire body flushed hot. He closed his eyes and willed himself not to react; given the tremendous amount of wine they'd managed to put away, he doubted the angel knew what he was doing in general, never mind what he was doing to Crowley in particular. 

Aziraphale gurgled a bewildered laugh as if he had surprised himself, and idly patted Crowley’s head, and then he didn’t take his hand away, and Crowley could feel the faint tug as Aziraphale rubbed a lock of hair between his fingertips. Crowley opened one eye. Aziraphale was looking at the top of his head with a lopsided smile. He opened the other eye and watched him warily.

“Your hair's silky,” he sighed. “Didn’… I didn’t know. Never touched you. Thousands of years and never!”

Crowley swallowed hard and said nothing.

“‘S nice, ‘s lovely,” said Aziraphale. “Very nice.” He finally pulled his hand away. 

Thank fuck, thought Crowley, because his self-restraint was hanging by a thread and he was pretty sure he was all out of miracles.

Aziraphale leaned over him again, swaying slightly. “You alright? You’ve gone awfully quiet.”

Crowley thought it was probably past time to sober up, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Didn’t want to move from this spot. Couldn’t bring himself to end the night.

“I’m fine.” He muttered, although the slurring rather ruined the effect. “Don’t touch it, you’ll ruin it.”

“Oh, much too late,” Aziraphale said affectionately, eyeing his tousled hair. “Don’ worry, still looks quite dashing in a- in a roguish way. Don't be cross.”

Crowley's heart was hammering in his chest so hard it was a wonder Aziraphale couldn't hear it. He wondered if he was being tested. 

“I’m not cross.”

“You sound cross.”

Aziraphale blinked lazily, dipped his head, and planted another drunken kiss on the corner of Crowley's tight line of a mouth.

“There!” Aziraphale said. “Isn't that what humans do? Kiss it better?” 

He was definitely being tested.

Aziraphale’s hand was up again, fingers threading through the hair at Crowley’s temples. 

“‘S alright, don’t worry. I’ll, I’ll fix it-”

With phenomenal restraint, Crowley wrapped his fingers tight around Aziraphale’s wrist and glared at him.

“Stop.” The word came out a low growl.

Aziraphale smiled lazily. “You’re being silly.”

“ Aziraphale .”

Aziraphale shifted slightly and used his free hand to trace the serpent above Crowley’s jawline. Crowley shuddered involuntarily, Aziraphale smirked - smirked! - at him, and with that the last strand of self-control that was still in Crowley’s possession vanished completely. 

He made a noise that could only be described as a hiss, and then he was rearing up and pulling Aziraphale to him, catching his lips with an open mouth, rocking into him and kissing him with a hunger stoked over thousands and thousands of years. It was desperate and he was shaking and Aziraphale’s mouth was soft and warm and his hand was tugging at his hair and he was being pulled closer and Crowley had never- wasn’t sure if-  couldn’t even think and then suddenly Aziraphale was- 

Aziraphale was frozen in his arms. Crowley stopped to glance at the angel and pulled away the moment he saw his face. He looked terrified . Crowley let go of Aziraphale’s wrist, drawing in ragged breaths of frustrated desire, swallowing it down in gulps. 

Aziraphale propped himself up on his elbows and stared at Crowley, who scrambled back until his shoulders hit the bookshelf.

“What are you doing ?” Aziraphale sounded offended, which stung.

“What are you doing? You kissed me!”

“I did not kiss you! I gave you a friendly peck ! That’s not the same thing at all!”

The only sound was their harsh breathing and the ticking of the clock. They stared at each other, both looking a little outraged, both looking more than a little wounded. Crowley’s shoulders slumped.

“Ah. Ngk. Look… Sorry, misread things, I think.” It actually hurt to swallow around the lump in his throat. “Demonic nature, and all that. Won’t happen again.”

Aziraphale’s eyes were enormous. He was looking at Crowley as if he had turned himself into the serpent he had always known him to be, and Crowley resisted the urge to look down and check that he still had limbs.

“You- you were trying to tempt me!”

“Tempt-? What? No! ”

An awkward silence stretched between them and Crowley wished they could wind things back, fill the silence with more nonsense about ballpoint pens, but that had hurt , that accusation, because surely Aziraphale knew him, knew that wasn't-, knew he wouldn’t- 

“Alright.” Aziraphale dipped his head in a resolute little nod.

“Alright?”

“Yes. Prob'ly too much wine. I’m going to sober up.”

“Sure. Yes. Course. Me too.”

They each rid their bodies of the alcohol and Crowley suddenly felt appallingly, horrifically sober. He had never been less glad of a clear head. “I should go.”

“You don't have to…” Aziraphale said, trailing off, and Crowley knew he was just being polite, that he had just, in a matter of seconds, cratered his oldest and only true friendship.

If it had been a test, he had failed.

He got to his feet and headed for the door.

"See you around, Aziraphale," he said. He grabbed his glasses, slid them on, and resolutely ignored the burning in the back of his eyes. 

He didn't look back. 

********************************************

Chapter 22 of Too Wise to Woo Peaceably on Ao3

[bardraelyn]

On Disaster Puppies, Anxious Angels, and Applesauce

*This post has been revised and expanded from a previous post.

So the key to understanding the end of S2 boils down to this:

Angel!Crowley = disaster puppy (all enthusiasm, not much sense)

Aziraphale = anxious kid who grew up in a house with plastic covers on all the furniture (this bit is important)

Let’s break it down:

When they first encounter each other, in the time Before the Beginning, Aziraphale shows signs of unease when he hears Angel!Crowley questioning God’s Ineffable Plan. I’ve seen it suggested that Aziraphale reacts this way because has doubts—that he doesn’t trust Heaven. Yet it’s well established in S1 that the loss of faith comes later, after the events surrounding Armageddon prove to him irrevocably that Heaven sees humans as no more than tokens in an elaborate game against Hell. No, Before the Beginning, Aziraphale trusts Heaven implicitly, and that trust is the root of his fear. Aziraphale trusts Heaven, Heaven has rules, and rules must be enforced.

Aziraphale doesn’t warn Angel!Crowley off questions because he thinks there’s something wrong with Heaven. He warns Angel!Crowley off questions because he lives in a restrictive environment with rigid rules and is terrified of (vague, unspecified) consequences. Anxious children don’t need to have erred or been punished previously in order to be afraid of punishment. They need only have an expectation (implicit from the mere existence of rules) that punishment of some sort is possible. In fact, having not been punished (because their anxiety mostly keeps them in line without need for actual adult intervention) makes the fear—not threat, but fear—of punishment that much more powerful because they don’t know what the punishment will be, and the unknown is terrifying. (What’s more, they are desperate for praise and reassurance that they won’t be punished and are doing the right thing, hence Aziraphale’s love language being words of affirmation.) Aziraphale is trying to protect the innocent, joyful angel he just met, even though he doesn’t yet know what he is protecting him from. He just knows you’re not supposed to muss the furniture, and what Angel!Crowley is suggesting feels dangerous.

Fear of the unknown explains why Aziraphale’s demeanor shows more of an edge in certain present-day scenes of S2. Thanks to his and Crowley’s post-Armaged-didn’t appearance swap, Aziraphale has now been to Hell and has a much better sense of what punishment might actually look like—not to mention a very up-close and personal understanding of exactly the kind of punishments that were intended for his beloved. Punishment is no longer a vague concept but rather a well-defined set of parameters, and Aziraphale knows how to deal with things that have edges. (Yes, that’s a flaming sword allusion, but it’s also a pointed reference to the notion that things that can be defined can be countered.) Because he can anticipate, he can plan. And planning is something Aziraphale excels at, because anxious children out of necessity grow into meticulous planners.

Having this knowledge of what punishment looks like leads our shades-of-gray angel to become less fearful for himself while simultaneously making him even more protective of Crowley. His thought process has gone from, “Punishment is big and terrifying, and I don’t know how I would cope” to “Punishment looks like this, and it sucks as much as or more than I expected, and I want my beloved to never have to endure it again.” It has also made him more protective of the innocents who are bound to get caught in the middle of Heaven and Hell’s unending conflict. Indeed, he goes truly fierce during the battle at the bookshop in a way that we have not seen before, even at the climax of S1. (While he did pull that tone with Furfur in 1941, that moment arose from disdain rather than aggression, so it’s not particularly relevant to this part.)

This also accounts for why, after his Fall, Crowley has become a demon who only “goes along with Hell as far as he can.” Angel!Crowley had no concept nor fear of punishment. Crowley now has both, but he’s already been punished in the worst way possible (loss of his angelic status and the opportunity to work on more projects like his beautiful nebulas), so he knows what punishment feels like. He knows where to toe the line and knows what to expect if/when he doesn’t. He’s not that bright and enthusiastic puppy anymore; he’s a wary old dog with a long memory, who is willing to take a stand to protect those he’s loyal to, even while he still cowers at certain types of threats (“We can run away together!”).

Angel!Crowley was punished and cast out of the restrictive home with all the plastic on the furniture, and the new house he’s been stuck in for the past 6000 years is run by the sort of abusive f*cks who beat puppies and raise them for dog fights. (I have a theory that Crowley was punished less severely than some of the other Fallen. He is, after all, one of the most beautiful demons we see, and that suggests that the person in charge of doling out punishments was more annoyed at him than angry, and so didn’t curse him with the truly nasty afflictions we see on the more repugnant of demons—like Hastur, who delights in pain, or Beelzebub, who had some leadership role in the Rebellion—but that doesn’t matter because his new home was terrible, possibly in part because of that lesser punishment. I bet that prior to the Rebellion, “Lucifer and the boys” delighted in the cliquish equivalent of “throwing sticks for the Disaster Puppy to chase,” and poor Angel!Crowley didn’t realize they weren’t really his friends so much as a different set of abusers who used attention instead of neglect. But after the Fall, they became his keepers, and his eyes were opened to a whole new level of loss and betrayal. Anyway.)

As a member of the Fallen, Crowley doesn’t remember the names of some angels/demons (Furfur, Saraqael, and yes, Aziraphale at first) but clearly remembers others (like the Metatron and Gabriel), even though they all remember him. I’ve seen suggestions that this is a trauma response or the results of a partial memory wipe, but I think it has a much simpler explanation: He only remembers the names and faces of entities who stood out to him. That enthusiastic angel who bubbled with joy and absolutely annoyed some of the other angels with his exuberance? Of course, he sticks in their memory! But they barely registered to him because they were each just one in a billion random strangers he played with in the park. The Disaster Puppy enthusiastically plays with everyone. He remembers the ones who had the power to slap him on the nose—and the one angel whose daring and kindness impressed him enough for his name to finally stick after it didn’t during their previous encounters.

At their very first meeting, Aziraphale introduces himself; Angel!Crowley doesn’t reciprocate. Names are irrelevant. He’s too caught up in his nebula to even take note of the introduction. So later, when they meet on the wall of Eden, introductions are needed again: Aziraphale because Crowley didn’t recall his name, and Crowley because he never gave his name at their first meeting (and probably never during any of their chance encounters in Heaven, because remember, Disaster Puppy just isn’t all that concerned with names), but also because even if Aziraphale did pick up Angel!Crowley’s name in passing sometime after their first meeting, he absolutely would not assume that the fallen angel still uses it. Rather than risk dead-naming him, he waits for Crowley (or Crawly, at the time) to tell him what he prefers to be called.

So, it’s obvious why Crowley didn’t remember Aziraphale’s name, but did he recognize Aziraphale at all before approaching him on the wall? I would bet on absolutely, yes, but with the vague sort of recollection of a conversation he probably should have taken a bit more to heart. He sees a being who tried at some point in the past to warn him, whose name he doesn’t recall because it didn’t seem important enough at the time, but who makes him feel comfortable enough to approach: “You tried to help me before, which means you are kinder than those other angels who didn’t, and so you probably won’t hurt me now, even though I’m Fallen. I’m feeling conflicted about this notion that knowledge of Good and Evil is a Bad Thing, and as someone who tried to advise me earlier, I feel like I can talk to you about it.” (What neither of them has yet realized is that knowledge of Good and Evil is the key to recognizing that Heaven and Hell are two ends of the same poison pill, and it’s not only humans who have been kept in the dark; a lot of the Angelic Host are also in need of some applesauce.)

All of this is why the memory-wipe theory simply doesn’t make sense. Think about it: Gabriel is the Supreme Archangel, and their intent with him was to perform the equivalent of a full hard drive wipe and reinstall of the base angelic software. They think of him as corrupted beyond repair. If even the highest of high archangels isn’t worth the massive effort of selective file deletion, why would they waste that same amount of effort on Crowley to wipe (and possibly replace) a few select memories from before the Fall? Yes, it’s clear that Crowley was an angel with a reasonably high level of access, given his ability to open the archives, but there’s absolutely no indication that he outranked Gabriel. In fact, his scorn for the Supreme Archangel is exactly the sort of scorn you’d have for someone who used to have authority over you and abused it extremely casually but was mostly the kind of negligent adult who ignored you until you were useful and/or pissed them off.

(As an aside, this also ties back to the question of why angels don’t eat while demons do. Aziraphale eats—with enthusiasm!—so clearly angels can eat, and Crowley mentions “food not that good anymore” in Heaven as part of why he started palling around with the other discontents, so angels certainly did eat at some point, but now they don’t. While Hell plainly has some sort of meal situation—not to mention a fiery beverage dispenser—we don’t see so much as a watercooler in Heaven. And well, yeah. Obviously. Because somebody in Heaven wants to keep everything pristine, so they won’t allow food anywhere near all that Heavenly furniture. It won’t kill the angels to go without meals, because they are immortal beings, so all the ban achieves is a) starvation, b) loss of pleasure, and c) control. After all, food control—control over the basic function of consuming sustenance—is a great way to exert and reinforce control over a group of beings that you want to ensure won’t rebel. And that’s really all it comes down to: Keeping everything pristine and spotless and perfect, and keeping everyone in line. Withholding the literal and metaphorical applesauce. And the Rebellion gave whoever is in charge of those decisions [my bet would be on the Metatron; God seems too self-involved to care about the furniture] the perfect excuse to change the house rules to ban food. And since it’s definitely a cult, all the ones who are deeply indoctrinated just sort of…go along with it. Anyway….)

If Aziraphale feels any guilt over Crowley’s Fall, it’s a mild twinge over the fact that he wasn’t able to convince the Disaster Puppy to stop jumping on the furniture. That’s not the primary motivating factor for why he’s so adamant about protecting Crowley at the end of S2 or at any other time in their long association. Aziraphale and Crowley are both, in their ways, protectors. That is established over and over again, throughout all of their actions and conversations. Protecting is a primary drive for each of them, something that is at the core of their beings, and it often puts them at odds over the exact same objective: Protecting the one(s) they care most about. They withhold information and behave in sometimes appalling ways to protect each other when what they really need to be doing—as they should have learned from the first Armageddon attempt—is working together to protect what they have with each other along with everything else that they love.

Because the reality is that if either one of them sacrificed themself to save the other, that very sacrifice would destroy the other. They are of one heart, and it cannot, will not live if it is not whole. But neither one fully trusts the other to coordinate a defense because of that same history and past trauma. Aziraphale thinks Crowley won’t listen to him because Angel!Crowley shrugged him off, and Crowley is still afraid of being kicked if he lets his guard down because he can see how much his beloved is still a victim of the cult programming (and Aziraphale is not above kicking if he feels panicked). Crowley doesn’t think Aziraphale will hurt him on purpose, but rather because Aziraphale doesn’t see all the angles and manipulations and therefore can’t see all of the threats—and in their conversation at the end of S2E6, the angel seemingly proves him right.

Now, here I want to pause for just a moment to address a certain type of anxiety response, because it’s vitally important to what comes next, and that is diving in without a plan. It is entirely too common for individuals with anxiety to go into a tailspin when confronted with something that feels overwhelming. This is followed by a prolonged period of recovery, which may then lead to meticulous planning to deal with the situation (if it can’t just be avoided entirely). Unfortunately, this process takes time—often too much time. This is why we sometimes see Aziraphale throw himself into situations with very little forethought or preparation (like, say, following the clues to surrounding the appearance of a certain ex-Supreme Archangel at his bookshop), because he’s tapping into a slightly more self-aware (if rather unhealthy) approach to handling things that trigger his anxiety: “I know if I get up in my head about this, it will paralyze me, and shit needs to get done, so fuck it.” He is short-circuiting the possibility of a tailspin by refusing to think before he acts. The kind of energy that accompanies this approach could easily be categorized as frantic.

When Aziraphale is telling Crowley the “good” news, he appears excited, but given one significant fact we do know—that Aziraphale is driven by anxiety—I would argue that his demeanor in this moment could more accurately be read as agitated. Now, we could debate all day what might have happened during his conversation with the Metatron to cause that agitation. It is plausible—indeed likely, given Neil’s intricate plots—that there was something more to it than we’ve been shown thus far. But we don’t need to know the details to understand Aziraphale’s response, because Aziraphale’s anxiety provides all of the necessary context. After spending several minutes enduring the direct attention of the Metatron, Aziraphale is acutely aware of one very important thing: that he and his beloved demon are, at the very least, still under intense scrutiny by his own former side, and that means they still are not, and have never been, entirely safe from Heaven or Hell’s interference. So he does what our darling Anxiety Angel always does when he is terrified and needs to act: He throws himself in before he can think too hard about what he’s throwing himself into.

So this brings us to Aziraphale’s return to Heaven.

I don’t think that Metatron’s intent is to kill Aziraphale. He will almost certainly resort to that if looks like Aziraphale won’t give him what he wants, but right now, he just sees a tool that can help him achieve his goal (provided Crowley is out of the way). Because here’s the thing: the archangels are clueless about some very important things. That has already been established (see: Job and conversations about human birth). Metatron is probably a bit less so than most, but there are things the Angels in Charge fundamentally do not understand, and they don’t know it yet, but Aziraphale is one of those things.

Metatron sees an angel who has not only lived on Earth long enough to truly understand humans, but also (and this is key) has collaborated with a demon—a tempter—and then effectively lived in the company of that tempter for the past four years. Metatron sees Aziraphale as someone who can be tempted and manipulated. That’s why he brings him coffee. He’s trying to use that. He wants a tool he can control. But he, like all of the highest of the Host, is guilty of neglect. He has never paid close enough attention to Aziraphale to see the Bastard Angel: the one who pushes back against Crowley, and even against God, who offers his own temptations, who is stubborn and implacable (much to Crowley’s frequent annoyance even while he loves it), and who isn’t afraid to stand firm in the face of Heaven, Hell, and Armageddon to protect the world and the keeper of his heart. Metatron thinks Aziraphale's resistance to Armageddon was the result of Crowley's manipulation, so he figures he'll just get Crowley out of the way or keep him too busy to interfere, and use Aziraphale for himself. Metatron is so very wrong.

As to why Aziraphale hasn’t fallen yet (and isn’t going to fall, even in S3) in spite of all of his misdeeds and mini-rebellions: it all comes down to the fallout. The Rebel Host—including the poor Disaster Puppy angel running around with them—started a war. In Heaven. They didn’t just individually act up on occasion in ways that could be ignored. They engaged in a violent and bloody act of rebellion. The Fall wasn’t about the small sins; it was about the big one. They messed up the furniture. They had to go. Aziraphale’s not messing up the furniture—yet. By the time he starts, it will be far too late for Heaven to do anything to stop him.

See, that smile at the end of S2E6? It’s not pleasure at taking charge, and it’s not determination to fix Heaven. It’s a mask. Aziraphale spent that elevator ride bottling up his pain and hiding it down deep. Anxiety children become adults who are masters of repression, and he just went through his whole panic attack and packed away his grief in the elevator, while holding a straight face (a very tense, grief-stricken face—it’s all there in the micro-expressions, or rather, the desperate attempt at suppression of all macro- and micro-expressions, about which I could write a whole separate post—but essentially a straight face nonetheless). I would bet my immortal soul that he put on that smile right when the elevator stopped, just before the doors started to open. Heaven is about to learn the hard way why choosing Aziraphale was their fatal mistake. Because the Bastard Angel is broken and angry, and he’s done with their bullshit rules and their plastic-covered furniture. Maybe he pushed Crowley away to protect him. Maybe he really wanted Crowley to come with him to try to change things from the inside. None of that matters. All of the maybes that happened before Metatron came back to collect Aziraphale are irrelevant. Because Metatron doesn’t understand Aziraphale, and he just tipped his hand when he spoke the words “Second Coming.” Aziraphale has long since realized that Heaven is toxic—that’s what he wants to fix—but until that moment he didn’t have the context Crowley had to know why Gabriel left. But he has just learned that his love, his heart, and his world are in mortal danger, and he will stop at nothing to save them. Heaven hath no fury like an angel with a broken heart.

Aziraphale has never worried that Crowley was ever made to forget him. He’s intelligent and observant. He noted that initial un-introduction (and was even a bit disappointed by it), so he knows why Crowley doesn’t remember his name when they meet on the wall of Eden. Their coded-language dance around the depth of their association has never been about fear of rejection over imagined faults but rather the very real threats from their respective Home Offices, which they are too wary to immediately forget even after thwarting Armageddon and their own executions. (They are right not to trust that sense of peace!) It has taken them four years to let down their guards even the tiniest bit, and they are still speaking in code—hence the ball: It's Aziraphale's confession of love without saying the words out loud, because it still doesn't feel entirely safe. And he’s not going to Heaven to throw himself on some sacrificial alter to fix a mistake he thinks he made 6000 years ago by failing to keep an angel who barely acknowledged him from falling in with the rest of the Rebel Host. He’s just doing what he’s always done: trying his best to protect the innocent from Heaven’s caprice.

Only this time, he knows his own heart is innocent too.

[theonevoice]

Rumination n. 5 - What if Aziraphale can make a difference? On choosing each other, for real

There is a scene in s2 that I keep thinking about, and I don't see it discussed almost at all: it's the first conversation between Michael and Uriel after Gabriel's disappearance.

This is a power struggle. Very human, not celestial at all, fight for power. It's not even hidden or coded.

Now - and this could just be my brain getting smooth over this show that is devouring my soul - the more I think about this moment, the more I am convinced that this very human moment (and its various subsequent reprises) is signaling us that Heaven has, so to speak, "margin for improvement." And probably so does Hell.

I feel that we have been oversimplifying Heaven and Hell because they "look" simple and monolytical, especially when compared to the nuanced worldview that Aziraphale and Crowley developed over their 6000 years of experience on Earth. But there are some heavy "shades of grey" in Heaven. They are ruthless, for a start (see the Fall and, well, most of what happens in the Bible). They are proud and arrogant (see how they behave with Aziraphale and "37th order scrivener, but, you know, noone" Muriel). They are power-angry (which, in the context of an existence that doesn't need money or power, its just a symptom of vanity, in my opinion). They have far more human-like qualities than they should, we just don't give much attention to them because our focus is squarely on their stiff adherence to the "Heavenly code" and their role as antagonists/enemies of the protagonists.

Same goes for Hell, with opposite sign: Hastur was shocked by the destruction of Ligur, Shax and Furfur appear to have some form of camaraderie or loyalty towards each other, the demon Josh notices that Beelzebub is acting weird and asks them if they're feeling alright, and Beelzebub, well, is a Grand Duke of Hell capable of falling in love.

So, what if, given this margin, Aziraphale can make a difference?

Until now, if I am not mistaken, the most common take on what expects Aziraphale as Supreme Archangel is "he's going to realize that Heaven cannot be fixed and he will have to finally drop his idealized delusion and fight his way back to Crowley." Which I personally love as a scenario (but, to be honest, I am loving almost any GO scenario that floats in my direction: the creativity of this fandom is unbelievable and so respectful of the characters that every speculation feels like it could be Neil Gaiman's work), but it could undermine the weight of his choice.

Because choice is a theme in this show: not choice as in "choosing sides," but choice as in "making up one's mind and taking a serious, conscious, thought-through decision." And if Heaven is just a lost cause, unable to change and irredimable, then it's not much of a choice for Aziraphale to go back to Crowley. But if Heaven does react to change, if the human-like qualities that other archangels have displayed become a bridge, and Aziraphale, with his warmth and kindness and softness, actually manages to bring Michael and Uriel and others on more reasonable positions - then his choice becomes a real choice that he has to make.

Not the "easy" choice between reality and delusion but a hard choice between Crowley and the real opportunity to be the one who makes a difference.

(I am still slightly infatuated with the possibility that, just before the Fall, it was an already damned Crowley who asked him to "be a good angel" and "make a difference" because he could see how genuinely good Aziraphale was, compared to the "institutional goodness" of the others, but I have already blabbered about this in another rumination)

Also, I read a brilliant post a couple of weeks back (I will edit as soon as I find it again) about how, despite their appearance and demeanour, Crowley is basically an engineer, "armed" with a tool for creating cosmic machinery and putting it in motion, while Aziraphale is a fighter, armed with an actual sword. And this got me thinking again: in Christian iconography, Michael is the belligerant archangel, the one who is recognizable by his sword. Now, Neil Gaiman does not let pre-existing traditions dictate what he writes, obviously. But still, we could witness an unforseen connection between Aziraphale and, against all odds, the other sword-wielding entity, Michael: and it could led to some unexpected coalition, possibly even against the Metatron and the plans regarding the Second Coming.

After all, in a way, Michael has already displayed many human and very shades-of-gray traits: let's not forget that, already in s1, it was Michael the one communicating on the "grapevine that obviously doesn't exist" with Hell (I believe behind Gabriel's back: the more I rewatch it, the more I think that he honestly didn't know about it) and still is in s2. It was Michael the one bringing Holy Water downstairs. It is Michael the one that has first-hand experience of what it means to "collaborate with the enemy" in order to get things done.

I don't know how likely this is but it seems to me that it would be interesting if Aziraphale, instead of just leaving Heaven in disgust after some failed attempt at "fixing it," will have to make the hard choice between a Heaven that was starting, for real, to show signs of improvement and his old life on Earth with Crowley.

And something similar could happen on the other side, should Crowley go back to Hell (either out of rage and desperation or because something comes up that forces him to do so). Maybe he could find for the first time ever a sense of "demonic brotherhood" with his "colleagues" (maybe Shax and Furfur themselves). Something that he had never imagined during the six millennia he has spent believing to be alone in the universe if not for Aziraphale.

Maybe their reunion will be about having an alternative to their life together and choosing it anyway. If you think about it, one thing that they never had to do was deciding to be together instead of being somewhere else, doing something else, with somebody else. Being the two of them has always been their only reality - dangerous and hidden, of course, but undisputed, in a way: together since the early days in the Garden, noone else around to compete with that, no other supernatural person-shaped entity to serve as a potential alternative. Their respective head offices are two opposite voids, two negative spaces that have literally nothing that could attract them. Of course, they are in love with each other and they would probably be in love with each other in any possible alternative universe, but it's not like they have chosen to be with each other, they were just the only two person-shaped entities around, pulled together by the gravity of their respective loneliness and fears, doubts and little joys.

But if in s3 we see them acquire "alternatives", something else of value that exists outside their group of the two of them, then they will have to choose their life together for real, this time.

[drconstellation]

All The Colours In Good Omens: Version II

Part 1: Black to Gold

Even when I put together my original big colour meta back at the end of October 2023 I knew things were going to change on it. Over time it became pretty clear we were way off-track with several of the colours, and I didn't have anything for orange, which does actually appear in a significant amount in S2. There was also a bit of effort to try and incorporate the colours seen in S1 with what was appearing in S2, and to see if there was any consistency. Then I wrote the Passion of Jimbriel, and several particular religiously-themed colour-associations kept appearing, so I went on a search for a more biblical-based interpretation of colour. As a result of this, some colours have more-or-less stayed the same, some have expanded considerably in their range of meaning, and some are completely different! But I think you find the results interesting, nonetheless.

Basically, interpreting the colours in the two series is not a simple task. The colours used in S2 differ slightly to S1. For example, in S2 there is a lurid green associated with Hell (for reasons, which I will explain,) that is not used in S1. But there is also a dark green used elsewhere that turns out to have a different meaning that is not associated with Hell at all, so context becomes very important when trying to decide what it means. Rather than try and fit all the colours into one post, I'm going to split things up and take as much room as I need to explain it all this time.

BLACK

Biblical Meaning: Darkness, sin, Earth, affliction, humiliation, calamity, death, mourning

Additional: Suffering, punishment, Satan

Black doesn't automatically mean a relationship with Hell. The demons don't all wear entirely black, they are actually dressed in a lot of colour, but they do tend towards the darker shades. The colours they do wear reflect individual qualities or characterizations. For example, Lord Dagon is dark blue to reflect their fish god avatar, but it also reflects their senior authority and power. Furfur is in shades of dark green with a few tiny red highlights.

Historically black had an association with wealth over time, as it was difficult to obtain and dye black cloth. In out modern era we would tend to associate it with power and authority - or just looking "cool."

One interesting combination to mention is Aziraphale's magician's costume - black, gold and white. It's the only time we see him, an angel, wearing black. Originally it looked like he was clothing himself in mystery, but I would now say its a combination of calamity and humiliation. I've included a GIF set from S1E1 with the duo discussing Warlock's 11th birthday party in the park, plus recall Arizaphale was heckled from the audience in 1941 when his turnip trick failed. (I guess we could argue this one, its still up for debate!)

Black is also associated with the Horseperson Famine, who rides a black horse. Nobody is getting anything to eat tonight here - or the rest of the week, for that matter.

RED

We originally had red a a single colour, but it's more complex than that and needs to be split into two shades, scarlet and the darker crimson. (I will do pink in another post.)

We can still associate it generally with passion, romance, the Left Hand Side (the sinister side or demonic side), goats, sin, and the archangel Michael on the LHS of Jesus.

The Horseperson War and their parallel character Pepper from the Them both wear red as well. War is said to ride a red horse.

RED - Scarlet

Biblical Meaning: Royalty, blood of humanity

Additional: Martyrs, prostitution, wealth, power, revolution

Scarlet is a lighter red than crimson, just to differentiate between the two colours. It's the colour on the back of Crowley's collar.

Jesus was dressed in red during the Passion to mock him as a king, but he when he appears in imagery such as the sign on the Resurrectionist pub below it reflects his future status as King of kings. It also reflects his connection to humanity, through the blood he shed.

Prostitution is connected through the mention of the Whore of Babylon in Revelations, but the connection to revolutions is a more recent one that may be worth including in anticipation of S3. Wealth and power also belong here, particularly in historical connections.

RED - Crimson

Biblical Meaning: Splendor, victory, sin

Crimson is the colour that Shax wears, the darker of the two shades of red. She comes across as being hungry for success and eager for promotion, both of which tie in with the concept of victory. Her darker red is also mixed with black.

ORANGE

Biblical Meaning: Fire of God, deliverance, passionate praise

Additional: sacrifice

Originally I did not have an interpretation for orange, and did not think there was a lot of it present in S2. Then it was pointed out that Maggie's shopfront was orange, she herself wears orange several times, a lot of the extras wear orange and Beezlebub's sash is orange, too!

Yellow and orange have some cross-over in meaning with sacrifice, but I'm going to do my best to separate them and I'll explain where the fuzziness comes into play in yellow, as I think it sits best there.

Both yellow and orange are also associate with fire, as flames are seen as yellow and orange, not red. The "Fire of God" is alluding to presence of the Holy Spirit.

YELLOW

Biblical Meaning: Faith and Glory of God, anointing, joy, presence of God, fire

Additional: Illness/leprosy, God's judgement and anger, sacrifice, optimism, faithfulness in awaiting the return of a loved one

Yellow is probably the most controversial colour of the spectrum. It's the colour of Crowley's eyes, and we know Aziraphale painted the walls of the bookshop to reflect this.

But let's turn all your preconceived ideas on their heads.

It's one of the colours of fire, so it is closely associated with the presence of God, but also the expression of God's anger.

It is the colour of clear olive oil used for anointing.

On the negative side it is associated with illness, in particular with leprosy.

It is the colour that the traitor Judus Iscariot is often depicted wearing in art.

And it is the colour of saffron and marigolds, both associated with sacrifice in more than one religion. Saffron as a colour can vary in colour from pale yellow to deep orange, and so can marigolds the flower. The flower is named after the Virgin Mary, as in "Mary's-gold," and the array of petals are supposed to be symbolic of the the rays of light that crown her head, relating to the giving of her self to the Ineffable Great Plan, so to speak.

Here's Norman, leader of the yellow team at Tadfield Manor, giving his speech that includes the line "...bugger off and tend to your marigolds." I've shown in other posts that there is the allegory of the Great War/Glorious Revolution being played out here, and Norman is the analogue of Lucifer. Right after his speech he runs out and is felled by a shot to the heart: a sacrificial loser, as all the yellow team and demons end up being.

Adam wears a t-shirt with two yellow stripes on it in S1. Combined with the blue, he does appear to be anointed for a larger role in the story.

Aziraphale's hat-bands are yellow after the 1827 Edinburgh incident. Both in 1862 and 1941 his hats have a yellow ribbon around them. While this could be related to a Heavenly aspect, fanon has it that it's part of his expression of his feelings for Crowley. The tradition of using a yellow ribbon to show that one was waiting for a soldier to return from war was started around the late 1700's.

It is confirmed that the name of the colour used inside the bookshop is indeed called Va Va Voom. While it could be many things, the one thing it is not is fear.

Neither is this example - it's more likely to be fire - cleansing fire. Jim is cleaning with it.

GOLD

Biblical Meaning: Glory, divinity, holiness, eternal deity, altar, beauty, precious, kingship, majesty, righteousness

Additional: Trial of Faith

Gold is usually associated with Heaven and the divinity of the angels in Good omens. Most of the time we see the angels with some trace of gold on them. The most obvious examples were the golden collars and trim on the robes in the Job minisode in S2E2. They even wore golden sandals on their feet.

The archangels and Aziraphale all have their golden rings. Here is Michael with their ophanim ring.

We also have the golden lions that occur in several locations in S2, representing the royal house of Judea that Jesus is said to belong to.

The most interesting use of gold has been on Crowley's "throne" in S1. "Nice chair," Hastur comments at one point.

Oh, and I can't forget this one, either:

This series on colour continues in the following posts:

Part 2: Green to Purple

Part 3: Silver/Grey, White & Brown

Part 4: Tartan Colours Review

[halcyonfawn]

the blitz, part three

i don't usually post my thoughts on tv shows here; i tend to annoy my clueless friends with insanely long voice messages instead. but this time i thought why not so here we are.

[forgive me for my poor english in advance]

let's talk about 1941. i strongly believe this year holds a very significant meaning for aziraphale and crowley's relationship. of course, we all know that, it's like saying the earth is round, but i'm curious as to what exactly had changed their relationship during that year.

if there is going to be a third part of the blitz sequence in season 3, somehow i can see aziraphale and crowley getting heavily drunk after the magic show and all the "shades of grey" talk. a continuation of their date night which has been theorised many times already, but i can't stop thinking about the possible outcomes and how it would explain aziraphale's "you go too fast for me, crowley" later on. sure, they could've met in the middle between 1941 and 1967, we don't know that for this time being, but if they haven't, then, no doubt, something truly pivotal happend in 1941. obviously, the bullet catch trick was quite a stressful experience for both crowley and aziraphale. not to mention the fact that they were almost exposed by furfur. it'd be foolish to think they weren't terrified and even traumatized after all that'd happened. so, perhaps, that's why aziraphale's so afraid to hang out (take a step forward in their relationship?) with crowley in 1967? he's being cautious and doesn't want to take another risk? or did something else happen during the blitz that we don't know yet?

so, 1941. here they are, drunk and a bit giddy. pouring more wine, talking gibberish. it has been a crazy day and alcohol is the greatest stress reliever they desperately need at the moment. then, at some point, they start to reminisce the events of the day.

1. church. explosion. the books. "that was very kind of you". heart eyes. realisation of love?

aziraphale realised he was in love with crowley. that is one of the things that happened in 1941. and it's huge. and it shows! the way aziraphale looks at crowley, trusts him with his life, invites him in for a romantic candlelight dinner afterwards.

so why wouldn't we see the angel in love in the hypothetical part three of the blitz? that'd be logical.

2. the bullet catch trick. miracles blocked. crowley almost shooting aziraphale in the head. possible trauma?

for crowley (not to exclude aziraphale, of course, i doubt he was anticipating the moment the bullet would go through his head in case of failure), this whole magic show was torturous. it's in the way his hands are shaking when holding a gun. and, though funny, how he rapidly goes through the instructions in the book upon realising their miracles aren't working.

now we know why crowley despises aziraphale's "magician mode". god- satan- who knows what can happen if aziraphale tries to do magic again.

they don't address these things to each other, of course. because that's what they do: they never say what they're really thinking. but alcohol tends to loosen one's tongue. and, perhaps, that is another important thing that happens in 1941.

now, we know aziraphale had done the "i was wrong dance" several times throughout the history, including the year mentioned.

maybe crowley asked him to do that as a form of an apology after the absolute hell the angel made him go through. and even though, it wasn't aziraphale's fault entirely (nobody could've guessed the furfur's ambush), crowley did almost blew his brains out. and it didn't feel great. moreover, considering that they constantly quarrel, they seem to save the dance for more serious fights, if i may say so.

and after all that happened on the west end stage, crowley deserves a proper apology.

so, he says "do the dance" and is met with drunken protestations, but eventually aziraphale does it. his head spins, his whole body wobbles after several bottles of wine, but he manages to pull off the dance except for the very last move.

it doesn't look like a very steady position to me. not to mention, aziraphale is drunk and it makes it almost impossible for him to hold balance when standing at all. so when he trembles and trips, ready for his face to be smashed across the floor, crowley catches him and this is where "the big thing" happens (a bit cliché, i know).

now, some people believe they might've kissed before season 2 episode 6. i tend to disagree but i do believe in the almost-kiss. and i think something similar could happen in the blitz part 3 (in case we get it), if we remind ourselves that aziraphale had just realised he was in love with crowley.

even though the demon manages to save his angel (once again) from falling, he is just as drunk as aziraphale.

"you need to ssssober up, angel", crowley might say.

"so do you!" aziraphale might respond.

from what we've seen, crowley is not comfortable yet to take off his sunglasses in the bookshop in 1941. frankly, he never is until season 2.

but when he's drunk, he tosses them to the nearby sofa.

they exchange a few phrases, aziraphale's still holding onto crowley's arms, they're both barely standing. after a while, the room goes quiet so aziraphale just stares. lovingly. at crowley's eyes. the demon notices.

"wot?" he might ask.

and then...

"your eyes are so pretty" aziraphale might blurt out.

[it sounds very cheesy, i know. if i could write a fanfiction, i would, but my self criticism won't let me.]

vavoom! this is where something shifts. something changes. i imagine aziraphale leaning in for a kiss and crowley's having a mix of confusion and unknown longing on his face. but, obviously, life is no fairy-tale. something interrupts them (i haven't made up my mind on what exactly) and it ruins the moment. and it's very distracting, since they sober up almost immediately. and, to me, aziraphale would suddenly come to realisation that if they get closer, if he acts on his feelings once again, then it'd be taking a huge risk of them being caught collaborating together. so he pushes crowley away. and this is how we come to "you go too fast for me, crowley".

[thank you for reading my midnight thoughts if you got this far!]

[caspianthegeek]

Nightingale May Prompt One: Night We Met

As Furfur disappeared, Crowley deflated on the sofa curling in on himself. Aziraphale’s heart stuttered in his chest at the look of defeat on the demon’s face.

“I should make myself scarce, they’ll be here soon…” he trailed off, not daring to meet Aziraphale’s gaze.

He didn’t know. That was excellent, it meant there was a chance the other demon hadn’t noticed his switch, either. If it all played out, he could keep Crowley safe. “Come to the Bookshop with me.”

“Not painting a target on your back, angel,” the demon bit out.

With a frustrated huff, Aziraphale crossed the room to take Crowley’s hand, startling the demon into facing him. He couldn’t say anything outright, they weren’t safe here and Furfur could figure out the truth at any moment. He tried to give weight to his words as he spoke, “There is nowhere I’d rather be this evening than in your company.”

The demon’s head bobbed slightly as he swallowed. Aziraphale couldn’t feel the terror rolling off him, but it was plain as day. It had only been a matter of hours since Crowley had waltzed back into his life, and he would keep him safe no matter the cost. This night was theirs and he wasn’t going to let some upstart demon vying for a promotion ruin it.

“Please,” Aziraphale added softly.

That was enough, Crowley was on his feet and leading the angel from the theater. By the time they made it to the Bentley, she’d thrown his door open as if understanding her owner was in a rush.

If he’d thought the earlier mad dash through London had been worrisome, it was a gentle stroll compared to how the car tore through the streets now. “Don’t want them to find us here,” was all Crowley offered as an explanation.

There was an actual screech as they stopped in front of the shop and a heartbeat later, Crowley opened Aziraphale’s door. He paused until Aziraphale held out his hand, almost demandingly. The demon helped him from the car and Aziraphale took the lead to the shop.

Clumsy fingers fumbled with the keys distracted by the nervous tension in his partner at his side. He could feel the protection swirl around them for an instant as they both stepped over the threshold.

Home it seemed to echo to the pair. Still, he took the time to draw the curtains before placing out some candles and wine. As Crowley sank into the chair and Aziraphale poured the glasses, the moment was set for his reveal.

The relief was palpable when Crowley saw the photo.

***

Shades of grey echoed through Crowley’s thoughts. As if thousands of years could be reduced to one monochromatic tone. Aziraphale’s eyes glinted grey, then green, then blue never able to rest. His beautiful angelic rainbow, hidden in plain sight.

“We should destroy the evidence, you know.”

“It’d be a shame, though. Evidence that I performed at the West End!”

Aziraphale’s smile calmed his heart and soothed his soul. He still hadn’t quite given up on retaliation coming for him, but he knew they were protected here and now and that was what mattered most. Well, that Aziraphale was safe here with him at any rate.

The angel stood, taking the photograph with him. He pulled a battered journal from the shelf and slid the precious souvenir between the pages before returning it to its rightful place. No one would be able to find it again besides Aziraphale, of that he was certain.

Crowley tossed his glasses to the table and fiddled with the radio until he found gentle music. Something about a nightingale song. He’d been so focused he hadn’t realized Aziraphale was beside him until the angel once more took his hand.

“You came with me, even though you thought it was your last night on Earth,” Aziraphale said softly.

“‘Course,” Crowley grumbled out. “Not like I’d spend it with anyone else.”

The angel was close. Almost too close. “I am relieved it won’t be. We’ve only just met again. Is there… that is…” he took a steadying breath. “Is there anything you would have liked from this night?”

You. Crowley didn’t say aloud. Instead, he only leaned closer one hand raising to cup Aziraphale’s cheek before he froze. The angel understood and closed the distance between them, bringing their lips together in a soft and chaste kiss.

It was everything he’d always wanted. The song warbled in the background about dreams and truths, and all Crowley knew was that he’d cling to this moment for the rest of his existence.

[saltyn3ss]

Ok so I just went through the bonus material of GO2 and it has pictures of Furfurs angel guide and I love everything about it!!

This book used to belong to Hastur, so does that mean that Hastur used to work in admissions in the same position that now Furfur has?

Aziraphale looks "repulsively soft" (YES HE DOES!)

All of Aziraphales known "earthly occupatons", it even has the gardener! Also I can't remember him being a bishop in any of the clips from the past, so that might be relevant in season 3??

The way Furfur is throwing shade at Ariraphales capabilities as a magician lmfao

Notice how compared to the other angel it does not say to "torment" Aziraphale but to rather "avvoid" him because he is dangerous? I bet our boi Crowley told people in hell over and over again how dangerous Aziraphale is because a) that made him look good and b) because he wants to protect his angel because THAT IS WHAT HE DOES ALL THE TIME... *sobs*

Crowley even made sure that he would be notified if any other demon happend to come across Aziraphale just in case :')

It also says "Crowley" instead of "Crawley" which implies that this must be a newer version of the book

Furfurs spelling deserves a separate point also since it makes me feel better with english not being my first language and all thaha

[sonkitty]

The Sideburns Scheme Post #60

(For reference: The Sideburns Scheme)

Crowley, Good Omens 2, Episode 4, The Hitchhiker, The Bullet Catch

...

Sideburns Check

The sideburns are long. I think the long sideburns are the "human" reading during the minisode as a reversal compared to the present day.

The theater is a human space Crowley and Aziraphale visited earlier. This scene is the one with the most humans around due to the audience, the performers, and Mrs. H.

...

Brighter Red Streak Check

Crowley has his hat off the whole time, so the more saturated red streak of hair is visible.

Here's an angle we don't usually get to see of it, more from the top, with strong enough lighting to show it:

...

Hairstyle Changes

Well, the previous two scenes had Crowley wearing a hat.

Going back to the last time Crowley was not wearing a hat, this style has a stronger curve inward above Crowley's right side of his face. Previously, it also had a little separation above his nose. Now it looks more uniform with that curve inward, I think.

...

Earthly Objects

(For reference: Earthly Objects)

The main earthly object that's touched is the rifle. The bullet and pamphlet of instructions are also touched.

Aziraphale touches the turnip and the white handkerchief mentioned the last time he and Crowley were in the theater.

There is another sunglasses touch that's a clue about The Sunglasses Trick for determining that this touch does not count, likely because the sunglasses were not fully removed from Crowley's face.

Additionally, Crowley hid his thumb tip when pushing the sunglasses back up over his eyes. With game mechanics in mind, I would look at the lowering touch as a reserve. It's like opening a door only slightly. The opening is small enough to allow that reserve, so that a point is only earned when the sunglasses go back up, not for both touches.

Another significant earthly object is the camera Furfur uses. He touches the picture too.

"Get on with it," is said 3 times, so a Rule of Three is met.

...

For paying attention to the pockets...

The Ladies of Camelot make pockets through their shadows.

Aziraphale is briefly pocketed between two shadows of himself when he takes center stage.

Crowley is pocketed between two empty seats where he sits.

Crowley has a self-made pocket of hair when he lowers his hand and stands up. Instead of one to three overhead lights above his left ear, he actually has one above his right ear, one directly above his head, and one above his left ear. Admittedly, the one above his left ear is the one that is not obscured by anyone's hand when that self-made pocket of hair is visible and Crowley stands.

When Crowley takes out the pamphlet, he reaches into his left front pocket. When he puts it away, he puts it in his right front pocket. For some reason, he switched it.

...

(For reference: The Rainbow Connection Part 4: The Door Trick and The Door Catch)

I said this minisode had clues for The Door Catch, so let's look for clues about The Door Catch.

Various characters, including both Aziraphale and Crowley, have their shoes visible during this scene. That's a clue to the importance of The Door Catch's special Ground Zero cut.

It's time revisit the clue for White as we get the clue for Black, regarding the findable poem that's a quatrain about the non-rainbow shades in the Rainbow Connection mechanic.

The below is copy and edited from my Rainbow Connection link above.

For Black, the miracle blocker blocks the turnip from turning into an inkwell. Ink is black. Black blocks. In this case, black is blocked, but I still think that's the clue. There are other colors involved, including a white handkerchief, but, again, I still think that's the clue for the Black.

For White, with the miracles being blocked, the problem keeps happening while Aziraphale uses the white handkerchief over the turnip. White keeps. He used a white handkerchief earlier when offering to help Crowley.

...

One of Aziraphale's lines is, "Aim for my mouth, but shoot past my ear."

In the Final Fifteen of episode 6, before The Door Catch happens, Crowley kisses Aziraphale. Afterwards, something shiny appears to be in Aziraphale's mouth. That's Crowley's theoretical aim for the mouth. Aziraphale probably removes this something from his mouth when the Metatron enters the bookshop.

In the part where I've said Aziraphale is linked into the Pocket Chain, the human in black, linking him in, does visually pass over Aziraphale's right ear. The pocket user she links to visually passes over both of Aziraphale's ears. Still yet another human passes by, while surpassing a human in a hat near them. By that time, Aziraphale has turned. This third human passes over Aziraphale's left ear. All of these passes are also happening over the Metatron's right ear. So, these are shots though Aziraphale changed position for each one. Interesting choice.

Aziraphale probably places the earlier something back in his mouth when the human pocket user in a white fur coat passes him.

...

Shadows are notable on this stage.

One of the most important elements in The Door Catch is that somehow, some way, the shadows of the green leaves on the back of Aziraphale's coat are allowed to be the Green of the maintained Rainbow Connection.

...

Aziraphale says he will catch that bullet in his teeth with great emphasis on teeth. My current theory goes that in The Final Fifteen, the something that is in Aziraphale's mouth is a shrunken clasp of Crowley's tie because that's a thumb joint to one of the Tied Hands.

When Aziraphale takes a breath before entering the elevator, his bow tie makes contact with the skin on his neck. There is something shiny in the lower middle area of his teeth. That's where I suspect the thumb joint is to allow him a thumb joint for his own Tied Hands (or Tied Hand, if it's just one).

When Aziraphale reveals the bullet during this scene, it's also in the middle of his mouth so touching the middle of the top and bottom areas of his visible teeth.

...

The miracle blocker has purple, and in the Rainbow Connection of the Final Fifteen, if my play is on the right track, there is a skip to Purple and back to allow Yellow to be hit a second time. This factor then allows the Connection to not require a double purple to go back up in the Connection during The Door Catch itself.

...

Crowley's right index finger is separated from the other digits and used for the trigger. Something similar actually happens for Crowley to give Aziraphale the cue to begin for The Door Catch, as Crowley's Door Trick finishes, but the left index finger is used instead. The trigger is Black though the Black in The Door Trick looks to be allowed to change meaning along the lines of Bag, Between, and Begin.

That's all I have for now. If I find more, I'll update accordingly or make a new post. My play is slightly improving over time, but it's only slightly. I'm mostly at my limits with this game.

...

Story Commentary

Crowley did not want to raise that hand for being a gentleman familiar with firearms.

Mrs. H said, "Get on with it, for God's sake," and then nearly got shot!

This scene gets tense, especially with the music.

Mrs. H is censored in saying the "F" word again.

...

That's it for this post. Sometimes I edit my posts, FYI.

...

Main post:

The Sideburns Scheme

[cosmoglaut]

DEMON'S GUIDE to

ANGELIC BEINGS

who WALK the EARTH

HASTUR'S FURFUR'S COPY

--- NOT REMOVE

(It was Hastur's!! Aww whatever happened to the toadhead? Would he be back to challenge Shax for the post of Grand Duke of Hell?)

Inside page describing Aziraphale:

(This font is Furfur's additions)

⚠ Mind you

******

On sighting: TORMENT.

An easy target, any demon who does not proceed to aggravate said angel in execessive quantities will be punished with full diabolical force.

AZIRAPHALE:

Principality. Angel of the Eastern Gate.

Stationed: Land of the Angles, Hemisphere of the West & North.

Appearance: Fair hair. Suspishus Ears. Plum hands.

Replusively soft. Can generully be found wearing various shades of loathsome beige. Occasional spectacles.

Residunce: Angelic Embassy X also known as AZ Fell & Co, 105 Whickber Street, London.

Known Earthly Occupations: Guard of Eden, Music Ty---- (couldn't read), White Knight, Garden Deziner, Bishop, Bookseller.

+TERRIBLE MAGISHUN

Weaponry: Flaming Sord.

CHANGED HIS NAME? YUCK!

On sighting: AVVOID

A wily opponent, this demon smiter must be warily approached. Report any interactions to the demon Crowley (circled to say)

******

BARAQIEL

Dominion. Angel of the Sky

Appearances: Hair an eye-burning jinnjer. Eyebrows with the appearance of grisly slug. Often draped in red. Occashunly damp, most likely singed.

(At the book seam are added notes:)

CRAWLEY IS SUSPISHUS! DON'T TRUST HIM! HIS HAIR IS BAD!

**********************************

⚠⚠⚠ The prop designer has asked not to put the hi-rez photo of the book up on social media. I had written down the transcript before reading about it. I won't be posting the photo, but hopefully the text is ok. Because it's just so deliciously funny 🥺

Now my ravings:

Omg AZIRAPHALE's description!! Suspishus ears?!?! Repulsively soft?! 🤣 I almost thought this might be written by Crowley because of 'various shades of loathsome beige'. Which is actually what prompted me to dig into whether the copy belonged to anyone else at all. But no, it was the toadhead's!

At first I wanted the angel described before AZIRAPHALE to be Muriel given their description as easy target and TORMENT suggestion. But Next angel is BARAQIEL, which makes me wonder if the list is alphabetical. AZIRAPHALE coming at the end of the list of A-angels would definitely make sense. Which in itself is suspishus because that's a bit too organized for Hastur. The front page simply says it's his copy, not that it was written by him. And yet, Aziraphale's description (with all the demonic spellings) suggests it was written by some demon who did frequent the earth throughout the ages. (And knew the angel was Crowley's 😁)

And the entire description of BARAQIEL is just so tempting 😂 Occashuly damp?! Mostly Singed?! WHY?! Tell us more!!

Finally, Furfur didn't know Crowley changed his name from Crawley until he got the book. It's also his addition in the Occupations section after watching Aziraphale's sad magical act. (The act might've been sad, Aziraphale most certainly wasn't <3)

Uh ok, finally finally, as far as I could find through multiple rewatches of the scene in the green room, Furfur had put this copy down on the dressing table, and did not pick it up back before vanishing. I hope just as the angel and demon got to keep their photo (through Aziraphale's timely, and luckily working, prestidigitation), they got to keep the copy of the book as well. And I hope Crowley teased the angel about having suspishus ears and being repulsively soft 😂💗

[actual-changeling]

I got a question. It's a completely earnest question from someone genuinely confused about some of your metas.

If Crowley is under constant surveillance and threat of being dragged off to hell to be tortured at any moment if he steps out of line, how is the Arrangement meant to work? He and Aziraphale do still handle each other's jobs in the show, which would mean he has been doing good deeds for centuries. I don't understand how they could trade places on the regular, with Crowley even saying neither head office cares and nobody has to know about it, if he's always being watched. He also still gets commendations for stuff he hasn't done, like the Reign of Terror, but if they're spying on him shouldn't they know he didn't have anything to do with those things?

Sorry, I hope this isn't coming off as mean or anything! I'm just really confused about that aspect of your metas is all. I'm probably missing something you've spelled out already, no doubt. Hope you have a good one!

Hi!

I don't mind genuine questions, and I always have fun elaborating on my metas, you're fine!

Ironically enough, the answer to that question is that hell approaches most issues not with black/white but rather complex thinking—they see shades of grey, if you will.

In general, heaven and hell have very different relationships with earth and humanity, and that's reflected in their treatment fo Crowley and Aziraphale.

While hell has several different demons working on earth to "collect souls", handle everything with what seems to be a rather democratic system (like having different councils for different issues), and are more or less capable fo blending in with humans, heaven doesn't do, well, any of that.

We have never actually seen a single human soul in heaven, so there's a good chance there aren't any, but that's a different meta altogether.

Now, why does that matter? Because in theory, neither angels nor demons are opposed to working with each other, collaboration itself is never the issue. Michael has contacts in hell, which in turn have contacts in heaven, and it seems to be so common that she even asks Ligur if Aziraphale is working for them; she only does so since it's a probable explanation for his arrangement with Crowley.

Shax confirms that hell has been suspecting that they have an arrangement for almost a century, but has hell ever followed up on that? No.

You'd think after Furfur they would, but they didn't, because they do not care. If Furfur had brought them evidence, sure, they would have happily tortured Crowley for eternity, but as long as no one pushes the issue, nothing will happen. It's more of a "backstabbing is great and demonic tm so if you backstab someone we will reward you".

Both sides only spring into action once Crowley and Aziraphale start actively sabotaging their Armageddon plans. That is the part that bothers them, not an angel and a demon working together but the fact that they are breaking the rules and going against company policy, so to speak.

Working together is fine as long as a

a) you have some level of deniability, no matter how thin (because let's be real here, saying "on a grapevine that doesn't exist" is just for the looks, nothing else)

b) you don't break the rules and/or ruin heaven and hell's plans and

c) you do not disturb the celestial dials of good and evil.

As Crowley tells us several times, neither side really cares how a job gets done as long as it gets done. Heaven definitely does not give a fuck since they don't care about what Aziraphale is doing at all, and hell only wants to make sure someone does it, no matter if it's demons, angels, or humans.

The question is, why does hell keep such a close eye on Crowley if that's the case?

Because Crowley is kind. Crowley does good deeds and sabotages all kinds of celestial plans because he has his own moral compass that he's following—he breaks the rules and annoys the hell out of hell.

On top of that, demons get a certain enjoyment from punishing and that is how hell functions. Just like heaven neglects and separates angels from each other, hell makes sure that demons do not trust each other, that they do not get a chance to realize that hey, there's millions of us and only one Satan.

Once they understand that, what's stopping them from ripping the entire system apart? Most of them aren't happy down there, they hate it just as much as Muriel hates their job in heaven —they did not choose any of it.

God punished them for rebelling, so what do you do if you're smart? You make sure that the rebels do not rebel again.

So that's what they do, they punish people who break the rules and go against the system, but they do not care how the job gets done as long as it gets done.

I hope that cleared that up, feel free to ask if there's anything else 💚