#no one is allowed to mention the fact that I will gag if someone confessed to me

[aroallow]

y’all know that aro thing where you want someone to be romantically attracted to you but also if someone is romantically attracted to you you want to kill someone. what’s up with that.

[xiaojusaur]

Baby Don’t Like It

Pairing: Xiaojun x Female!Reader

Word Count: 3.2K

Genre: Smut, Fluff (if you squint)

Warnings: Cheating reader, Oral (giving/receiving), Gagging, Deep throat, Bondage, Dirty talking, Edging, Unprotected sex, Mention of impregnating

Summary: Inspired by “Baby Don’t Like It” of NCT 127, you will re-encounter with the love of your life, Xiaojun. You two will revive your undying love, even if that means meeting behind your husband’s back.

For @neosmutcollective ‘s 3rd Event: Risqué

“We’re leaving tomorrow to China,” your husband announced instead of suggesting it.

“We?” You asked in confusion.

“Yes, I have a business trip,” he explained bluntly, with no intention of explaining further, immersed in his phone.

“Alright...?”

That’s how you got to China. Usually your husband didn’t take you to his business trips, but this time he really dragged you with him. The reasons were still unknown to you, maybe it was because he needed to be there for a long time or because he didn’t want to leave you alone. Nevertheless, you were there already with just a few things in your suitcase, living in a small apartment.

You thought maybe he finally was going to give you the attention you needed, after all, you had 5 years of marriage. But after your 2nd anniversary, he wasn’t the same anymore. He barely had time for you, too preoccupied with his work... or maybe there was someone else... but you tried no to think about it.

You were the perfect wife: always giving him attention, cooking for him, cleaning the house, working hard. He really had no reason to look for someone else.....

Anyways, the fact is that you were there, stuck in China, far from your family, far from your friends, and surrounded by strangers.

One day, you saw the announcement of a festival near you and you decided to go to explore. Maybe that way you would get to know the place and make new friends.

That’s how you re-encountered with the love of you life, Xiao Dejun.

You were looking at some cute things at a stand when you heard that familiar voice, the distinctive breathy, mellow voice. You thought it was your imagination, but when you peaked with the corner of your eye to your right, you saw him there looking so beautiful with his dark hair parted on the middle. Gosh! How much you had missed him! It had been so long...

You decided to talk to him, “Xiaojun?”

He turned to you alarmed, but when he saw you, his face lit up completely. “Y/N?! Oh my God! What are you doing here?!” He came for a hug and you didn’t waste the opportunity, closing your eyes when his usual scent invaded your nostrils. He smelled so nice, like green tea.

“Hi! It has been so long!” You exclaimed as you two let go of each other.

“Yeah! I never thought I’d find you here!” He was excited to see you.

“Yeah, I’m around here with my husband, he came because of his job,” you explained.

The news that you were married were like a punch on the stomach to Xiaojun, but he tried to conceal it, “You got married? Congrats!”

But you knew him too well, and he knew you to see that you weren’t happy. “Yeah... thanks!”

“For how long are you staying here?” He asked with the hopes to see you again.

“I really don’t know... but I guess it’s gonna be a long time. My husband doesn’t really bring me with him on business trips,” you shrugged.

“Oh. Well, I’d like to keep in contact with you. Maybe bring you around to know the place. I live near here. It’s not good to be alone and not know anything, so I’ll show you around,” he nodded.

“Sure! I’d love that! I’m already bored in the apartment,” you confessed. He handed you his phone so you could note down your phone number.

After you exchanged numbers, it was time to say goodbye. “It was nice to see you again, let’s keep in touch,” he smiled.

“Yeah, let’s meet up soon!”

You don’t even know how it happened, how your feelings came back; after all, Xiaojun was your first and the love of your life.

He kept showing you around, taking you to cafés, to see beautiful places, talking and texting every day.

You noticed your feelings were back when every little thing Xiaojun did affected you big-time, like for example, a brush of his hand, when he stared for too long, when he called you late at night to keep you company.

But you shouldn’t be feeling that way... you are married! You were feeling guilty... but your husband, even though he forced you to come with him, didn’t give you attention.

One night, Xiaojun invited you to a cocktail party and you were getting ready when your husband arrived home. He caught you finishing your makeup. “Where are you going? Do we have an activity and I don’t remember?”

“No. A friend invited me to a party and I’m going, I’m already bored in here,” you said sharply.

“Since when you have friends in here?” He chuckled as if making fun of your loneliness.

“Since you don’t give me enough attention,” you said matter-of-factly.

“I have too much work,” he explained.

“Yeah, I know.” You applied red lipstick, grabbed your clutch and kept on walking.

Xiaojun was waiting outside, and when he saw you in that red dress, he felt like fainting. You, on the other hand, saw him with his red shirt and his dark hair brushed back, making his strong and bushy eyebrows stand out, you wanted to just jump on him.

You didn’t noticed, but your husband watched you from the window and the jealousy started to bubble inside of him when he saw Xiaojun lay his hand on the small of your back. How dare that stranger touch his wife like that?! You were definitely hearing from him when you arrived.

At the party, you shared some glasses of wine. You danced and talked some more, reliving some memories. You felt like teenagers in love. But you were grown ups, fully aware of what was happening.

Walking at the garden, Xiaojun took your hand in his, waiting for your reaction, waiting for you to shove your hand away... but you didn’t.

“Y/N,” he said softly.

“Yeah?” You felt like you knew what was about to happen.

“We are adults now, I think we should talk about what’s happening between us,” he trembled.

“I think we should,” you agreed.

“You’re married.... yet here we are. I’m catching feelings again. I can’t deny how attracted I am to you, but I can’t stop feeling this is wrong. I don’t know how you feel about this,” he was being shy, so cute.

“Xiaojun... My feelings for you never left. But you didn’t come back. And now that you’re here, I feel like my heart is going to explode with feelings. I also feel guilty, but you know what? I know my husband doesn’t care about me, and I know he’s seeing someone else. We have the peace that at least we haven’t done anything up until now,” you confessed.

“But I don’t know how much longer I can stop myself,” he whispered. He pulled you closer, his hands resting on your back. “I really, really want to kiss you again, and feel your lips, and hold you in my arms,” his voice was breathier than ever, you swear you wanted to listen it forever.

“Xiaojun, I need you.” That’s all it took to go back to square one. Xiaojun kissed you and you kissed him back fervently.

That night, Xiaojun took you to his place and after a long time, you made love like your first time, like when he made you his and showed you how to feel loved. That was the start of your dangerous affair.

Your husband was noticing something strange, but you always denied everything with the excuse that Xiaojun was a childhood friend. You weren’t technically lying, you just weren’t saying the whole truth. He would complain how you were spending too much time with Xiaojun and even mentioned the night of the cocktail. He was angry and even said you weren’t allowed to go out with Xiaojun again, not that it mattered, because even saying all that, he wouldn’t spend time with you. Of course, you kept seeing Xiaojun in secret, trying to be more careful this time.

Xiaojun and you would meet up in his house or in hotel rooms, and you fucked like hormonal teenagers, like bunnies in heat. He was so addictive and so were you for him. You couldn’t get enough of his scent, of his hands running through your body, his lips kissing your neck and his voice whispering right in your ear how good you felt.

Laying on your bed at night with your husband sleeping soundlessly, you would think about the obscene things you were doing with Xiaojun. He was capable to turn you into a completely different person.

Tonight, your husband said he was going out of town and he would come back the next day, so you seized the opportunity to bring Xiaojun home.

“Are you sure he’s gone?” He asked between passionate kisses.

“Yes,” you said shortly, eager to kiss him some more.

“You’re so naughty! This is so dangerous,” he really was worried.

“Relax, he’s not coming back any time soon,” you said as you pushed him to the bed.

Xiaojun smirked, “we are really fucking on the same bed you sleep with your husband. That’s hot.”

“I like the adrenaline,” you giggled and then took off your shirt. You straddled him, his hands automatically holding your waist.

“I can’t get enough of you,” he said in a smoky voice that made you bite your lip and proceeded to kiss your neck, nibbling and licking in the process. “You’re so beautiful.”

He rolled on the bed, pinning you underneath his body, and you smiled so maliciously, it gave him goosebumps. His pants were already feeling tight. He held your hand while he kissed his way down your body, from your neck, up your chest, your torso, and back up.

“Xiaojun please,” you whined. Your hands reached for his shirt to take it off and then your fingers desperately looked for the buttons of his pants.

“You’re so eager, huh?” He said mockingly.

“Always,” you smiled.

“I want to take my time with you today,” Xiaojun said as he unbuttoned your jeans.

You both were just in your underwear, but Xiaojun kept teasing you, kissing every inch of your body, running his hands over your skin. He got you so worked up, you couldn’t handle it anymore.

“Please Xiaojun, touch me.... I’m so, so wet,” you pleaded.

He hissed, “I know baby, I’m so hard for you.”

“God... I want you so bad,” you keened, feeling the mess in your panties.

“I’m gonna show you again how love feels. I can’t control myself around you,” he confessed.

“Please hurry,” you said desperately and he helped you sit on the bed to unclasp your bra. At the sight of your free breasts, he growled and quickly ran his fingers over them, pinching your hardened nipples.

The air was thicker and the sexual tension was unbearable.

Xiaojun finally took your underwear off, enjoying the way it was stained. He was amazed by your dripping core. “Oh my God,” he groaned. “I did that. Only I can do this, right baby?”

“Yes...” you hissed, “only you can make a mess out of me”.

“I’m just getting started,” he smiled mischievously while going down your body. Laying on his stomach, his head was right between your legs. He kissed and bit your thighs, you were panting already.

He was looking at you directly in the eyes through his long lashes when he gave the first lick to your slit, tearing a moan from your lips. His fingers held you open, while he devoured your pussy like a full course meal. His chin was covered in your juices, the whole picture so salacious. He enclosed your clit between his lips and sucked hard, making you scream “Fuck! Mmm!”

“Mmmm... so sweet, you taste so sweet,” he mumbled.

Xiaojun kept going until you couldn’t stand it anymore. But when you were about to explode he stopped, making you whine in frustration. “Please.... I wanna cum so bad!”

“You’ll cum on my dick, just wait a little longer. Let me enjoy your body some more.” His eyes were full of lust, you loved it.

You sat on the bed abruptly, scaring him a little, and then pushed him back. Without warning, you pulled down his briefs, freeing his length. He was shocked but he was so excited. “Two can play this game,” you said in a sultry voice and he groaned in response.

Next thing, you we’re bobbing your head up and down his shaft, sucking, licking, your face full of spit. Xiaojun couldn’t hold his moans in, letting them out in a chant, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, ohhhh my god baby.” It was music to your ears.

You deep throated him, gagging on his dick. “Ah! God! You’re so damn good with that mouth,” he pulled your hair, trying to make you stop. He could cum with the mere sight of your eyes looking at him while having his cock down your throat, so he made you stop before it happened.

You crawled on top of him while Xiaojun looked at you with beckoning eyes, his mouth open ajar. You leaned down to kiss him again, you couldn’t get enough of his mouth, and he ran a hand up your back and then squeezed one of your boobs.

“How about we try something different tonight?” You suggested suddenly.

“What is it?” He asked intrigued.

“Tie me up,” you said while passing a thick black ribbon to him.

“You want me to tie your hands?” He asked in confusion while looking at the ribbon.

“I know you won’t hurt me, would you like that?” You were talking with an innocent voice, like if you weren’t just asking to be tied and fucked on your mattress.

He chuckled and caressed your cheek, “If that’s what you want.” He aimed to please you after all.

You gave him your hands, joined by the wrists, and he just laughed while wrapping the ribbon around them, securing it with a cute bow.

You laid back on the bed, looking so inviting for Xiaojun. Seeing you there, all sprawled for him, at his mercy, looking so vulnerable, made him shake. You were a danger for him but he loved the risk. He didn’t even know what to do, how to start.

“Xiaojun,” you called him softly. And when he looked at you without saying a word, you just whispered, “fuck me.”

Your tied hands were grasping the bed head bars. Xiaojun positioned himself between your legs, passing his delicate fingers through your slit as if to check if you still were ready for him. And you were, you totally were, because the mere sight of him made you wet. He made everything sexier because you knew every gesture was full of love, love that you craved.

The first thrust was always magical, for both of you; it was the moment you felt closer.

“God,” he grunted and you hissed in response. Xiaojun was not huge, but he was able to make you feel so full.

The room was full of gasps, lewd sounds of your bodies, and a strong smell of sex. The creaking of the bed could tell anyone what was happening in there.

“Xiaojun, fuck me harder, please,” you begged in a languid moan.

“You want me to fuck you harder, huh? You want me to break this bed and let your loser of a husband know that his wife is being railed by another man? Hmm?” He said through his teeth while increasing the pace. Xiaojun didn’t know from where he got that confidence, but you seemed to like it because you were a moaning mess.

“Fuck yeah! You’re the only one I like,” you panted.

“I love it, I love it, I love being inside you,” he then groaned.

Xiaojun was holding your waist tightly, using it as a leverage for going harder and you were holding to the bars for your dear life, a strand of curses leaving your mouth. Your breasts were jumping all over the place and he loved it. He felt his orgasm arriving, but he didn’t want to finish yet, he wanted more time with you, so he slowed down.

“Ride me, baby,” he demanded, letting you have the control now. You nodded and waited for him to untie you. As soon as you were free, he laid back on your bed, pecking your lips in the process. You straddled him, grabbing his length to line it with your entrance. He hissed at the warmth of your hand and then moaned when you sinked down his erection, his hands quickly flying to grab your waist.

For him, you were a goddess he wanted to worship his whole life. In his eyes, you were the most gorgeous woman he had ever met and he wanted to keep you forever.

This position allowed him to reach deeper into you, touching your sweet spot constantly. Driven by his feelings and lust, he started meeting your hips midway, looking at you directly in the eyes while thrusting you. His eyebrows were furrowed, he was concentrated on the feeling of you.

“I’m gonna cum,” he informed you with a moan. “Where do you want it?”

“Inside,” you panted, not thinking straight on your answer. He groaned in response, “You want my babies? What if you get pregnant?”

“I like the danger of it,” you smirked.

“So naughty.”

You clung to him as he did to you, sweaty bodies sticking to each other. He kissed you passionately as you hugged each other and he orgasmed into you. The warm sensation made you shiver and it triggered your own high, sending you on a bliss. You held Xiaojun tighter, trying to ground yourself. He kept whispering sweet praises in your ear.

For the first time, you slept into each other’s arms, making your feelings for each other grow stronger. You wanted to risk everything for him, leave your husband and stay with Xiaojun for the rest of your life. Xiaojun was the place where you belonged.

On the morning, you made breakfast together, looking like a just-married couple, him grabbing your butt cheek every time he walked behind you, you kissing him any time he got near.

The urge of being together all the time was unbearable. But being married, you didn’t know how to to escape the claws of your boring husband. Xiaojun, on the other hand, was offering you the world. A life together with the love of your life was very appealing. Many times you two planned to escape and leave everything behind, but that seemed unfair, because after all, your husband haven’t been bad with you, he has been uninterested and distant.

You decided to wait for your husband to confess he had someone else, even though you were sure he knew you were screwing around with Xiaojun. The proof was everywhere, even in the bed you shared. And if he had noticed, he chose to ignored it.

But if something was true was that you had fallen deeply in love with Xiaojun and Xiaojun with you...

[frostedfaves]

Long Story Short

Masterlist

Pairing: Rosa Diaz x reader

Summary: An elevator and the universe team up to get Rosa to confess to you.

Warnings: mentions of claustrophobia and animal abuse, unedited and very short fic

A/N: everyone say thank you to @creepingwolfberry and Taylor Swift’s song long story short for coming together and getting my writing brain going. the reader’s dog is named after my wife’s sweet baby because I love him. anyway, feedback is appreciated as always!

-

The bustling of first floor employees was reduced to background noise as you entered the elevator on autopilot, pressing the 4 button and stepping back to lean against the wall. The doors were just about to close when Rosa slipped through, and your eyes rolled before you could help it.

“No.”

You leaned forward to press the button to open the doors before it was too late, a frustrated sigh escaping you when Rosa pulled you back by your elbow.

“What do you mean, ‘no’?!”

“Exactly what I said,” you countered as you snatched your arm away. “I’d rather not start my morning standing so close to you.”

“You can’t handle a 20 second elevator ride with your coworker? Didn’t know you were that claustrophobic.”

“The problem is what that coworker did last night while I was in the bathroom at Shaw’s.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she responded far too quickly as her eyes darted off to the side, and you let out a sarcastic laugh.

“Oh, you don’t?” you mocked as you moved to stand directly in front of her. “You sure about that?”

“If I’m lying, the universe will kill me right now.”

The elevator stopped abruptly and Rosa stumbled back into the wall behind her as you fell into her chest, at the same moment the lights cut off. You awkwardly cleared your throat as you stabilized yourself on your feet again, avoiding her gaze as you walked away and her hands fell from your waist.

“This isn’t looking too good for you,” you muttered as you faced her again from the farthest corner possible.

“Shut up.” She quickly pulled out her phone to send a text, groaning when her ringtone went off a minute later. “Power’s out in the whole building.”

“Great, they’re going to have to call the Fire Department,” you ended your sentence with a fake gag, forcing yourself not to smile when Rosa snorted. “You’re not allowed to laugh right now. You’re the reason we’re in this situation!”

“Sure, let’s just ignore the fact that the power is always going out in this old ass building.” She groaned when you turned on your phone’s flashlight and came closer to shine it in her face. “What the hell are you doing, dummy?”

“Trying to get you to confess!” You slapped her hand away when she attempted to move your wrist. “Why did you chase away my potential girlfriend and possible future wife?”

“You were never going to marry that woman,” she told you with a roll of her eyes.

“Well now we’ll never know.”

“I know.”

“How do you--”

“I looked her up because her face seemed familiar, and I found a viral video of her kicking someone’s dog.” She took advantage of your shocked state and moved your hand until the flashlight pointed to the floor. “I was saving you and Thorin the trouble. And Arlo, since you watch him sometimes.”

“Fine, I guess that’s a good point, but why not just tell me that instead of letting me hear from Charles that you sent her out the door crying? Why didn’t you let me handle it myself?!”

“I could’ve done way worse,” she growled in a tone that sent a shiver down your spine, and you shook it off as quickly as it came.

“It’s not your job to protect me. Neither of us became detectives just so you could fight my battles for me.”

“Maybe I want it to be.”

The words came out in such a low mumble that they would’ve been missed if the elevator wasn’t completely silent, and you wouldn’t have believed you heard her correctly if you weren’t staring at her lips as you often do. Still, the surprise of her confession was nothing compared to the fuzzy feeling that washed over you. The thought that Rosa--for the billionth time--was sabotaging your dates because she wanted you to herself was...well, quite on brand for someone like her.

“I know you’re not big on sharing your feelings, but it would save us both a lot of time if you just told me you were feeling all soft over little ol’ me.”

“Watch it,” she snarled.

“You no longer scare me, Miss Diaz, now that I know your weakness,” you teased as you flipped your phone’s flashlight toward the ceiling and grabbed the front of her jacket with your free hand, the sight of her nervously swallowing bringing a satisfied smile to your features. “I bet you’re thinking about kissing me right now. Kiss me if I’m wrong.”

“You’re so annoying,” she groaned but kissed you regardless, her hands grabbing your waist in the same firm way she had minutes before, pulling you closer until you were flush against her. She was just about to push her tongue past your lips when the lights came back on in the elevator, which started moving again almost immediately.

“Well,” you began breathlessly as you pulled away from her embrace to fix your clothes, turning off your flashlight and meeting her eyes again with a grin. “We should do this again sometimes.”

“I’m not arguing with you in an elevator again, but I will kiss you. My place, tonight.”

“Oh no, Diaz. You ruined too many of my dates and now you owe me a successful one.” You faced the doors as they opened on the 4th floor, turning to glance at her over your shoulder before walking out. “Pick me up tonight at my place.”

-

Tags: @creepingwolfberry @honeyvenable @gaulty74 @xetherealbeautyx @rosadiazswifey @jay-is-groovy @milkfromhell

[fanfictionaries]

The Seduction of Sirius Black - Part 2

Pairing: Hermione Granger x Sirius Black

Summary:

Hermione loves her boyfriend, but there’s just one little problem -- she’s hopelessly attracted to Sirius Black.

Warnings: Swearing, Angst, Ron bashing (sorry)

Author’s Note: Part 2 is up and now I must go and study for my exam Wednesday! 

MASTERLIST

Part 1

Her head was pounding. Pounding so hard behind her eyes that she thought she might throw up. In fact…Hermione flung her covers off of her, bolted to the bathroom attached to her room, and lifted the lid just in time to expel the contents of her stomach into the white porcelain. She heaved and heaved until there was nothing left for her to throw up, and then she heaved again for good measure. Wracked with full body convulsions, Hermione let her forehead lean against the cool porcelain of the toilet’s edge and vowed to never drink whiskey again. Why? Why had she drunk so much? Oh, right. The events of the previous afternoon came into her mind and Hermione gave another dry heave into the toilet bowl in response.

Ron. Ron was cheating on her. For how long? Was that witch the only one? Who else knew? Did Harry know? Did everyone know? Oh Gods…this was a disaster. No wonder she’d gotten so sloshed. And she was well and truly sloshed. She didn’t even remember paying her tab or how she got home. She sort of remembered getting into the house; there’d been an issue with her key, and she’d tripped quite a lot coming in and then—

Oh no.

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

Hermione sat up with a gasp, a jolt of pain shooting through her head that made her groan and lay back down against the cool porcelain. It all came rushing back, her stupid drunk giggles, her blatant stares as she ogled Sirius in the hallway, her kissing him, him kissing her, his mouth on her—oh god, her hand on his—and then he’d stopped her and she’d…she’d stomped off like a petulant child! Hermione wanted to die. If she hadn’t thought the hangover was a bad enough pain to cause suicidal thoughts, then the memories of what she’d done the night before certainly were. What did she do now?

Her brain churned, slowly and painfully, certainly not operating at its usual capability. Damn whiskey. What did people normally do when they made horrible drunken mistakes? Hermione thought back to the one or two times her friends had made absolute arses of themselves while out drinking. They usually spent the next day apologizing over and over again, that is if they even—

That was it! She’d simply pretend like she didn’t remember any of it. That would put the pieces into Sirius’s hands. If he was offended enough by her actions, he’d tell her what happened (a mortifying thought), but if he was just as embarrassed by it as her, then he’d lie and say nothing happened at all. It was like a get out of jail free card, so to speak.

Rising gingerly to her feet, Hermione was barely vertical when a hard knock at her bedroom door sent her reeling back. She gasped, sending shooting pain through her skull once again, and tripped backwards, barely catching herself on the shower curtain. Thankfully, they didn’t rip from the rod, otherwise she’d have a hangover and likely a very nasty bump on her head to deal with. She had just resorted herself firmly on her feet when another, louder knock came at her door, and Hermione jumped again, cursing very loudly.

“Bloody hell!” Her pulse thumped violently in her chest and in her ears as she brought a hand up to her heart, surprisingly out of breath for very little physical exertion. She froze, staring blankly at the dark grain of her door. “Who is it?” she called out, wincing as her headache persisted. Who is it? Who did she think it was? She only lived with one person.

“It’s me, open up!”

Hermione sighed with relief at the sound of the distinctly feminine and more importantly not Sirius voice from the other side.

“It’s unlocked, come on it,” Hermione called back, allowing herself to slump against the sink as she reached for her toothbrush and toothpaste. There was a taste in her mouth she needed to be rid of, and Hermione had the sinking feel that it wasn’t just from to the amount of vomiting she’d been doing that morning.

The door swung open, slamming hard against the wall with a great thud. Hermione winced at the sound, wetting her toothbrush and globbing an exorbitant amount of toothpaste onto it.

“Sorry,” said Ginny, looking sheepish at her loud entrance as she padded into the room, arms full. Hermione spotted the contents of her arms and if it weren’t for her hungover state, she could have sung.

“Please tell me one of those coffees is for me,” said Hermione, desperately, mouth full of frothy toothpaste. She spat into the sink and washed away the frothy spit with water from the tap before returning to brutally brushing her teeth and gums.

“It is—” Ginny grinned devilishly as she set the large paper cup down next to Hermione and held up a large brown bag “—and so is one of these pasties.”

Hermione gasped, spitting into the sink, and rinsing it again before rinsing her toothbrush as well. She set the brush down on the counter and snatched the bag from Ginny’s hands. Digging deep into the grease-stained paper bag she pulled a wrapped Cornish pasty. “Is it—”

“Potato and onion, just like you like,” answered Ginny, already knowing her question before it left Hermione’s mouth.

“I mean this with all honesty and from the bottom of my heart, Gin – you are my favorite person in the world,” she handed the bag back to Ginny before taking her pasty and her coffee out of the bathroom and to her bed. She sat down heavily on the messy blankets and propped herself against the headboard before taking a deep sip of coffee. Good. So good.

“And I mean this with all honesty and from the bottom of my heart – you look like shit,” said Ginny, sitting down at the end of the bed and pulling out her own pasty.

Hermione groaned, leaning her head against the headboard, and running a hand down her face, “Ugh, I know.  It was an…interesting day yesterday.”

“Yes, I heard. Sirius said—”

“What did he say?” Hermione asked, voice sounding a bit too guilty in her opinion.

Ginny gave her a curious look before continuing, “Just that you got home late last night, pissed off your arse. He said you came stumbling in giggling up a storm. What were you drinking?”

Hermione relaxed a bit knowing that Sirius hadn’t mentioned what happened after she came stumbling in. “Whiskey—” Hermione gagged just at the thought “—and too much of it.”

“Yes, well, when you find out your boyfriends been slagging around on you, I guess a large amount of alcohol is warranted,” said Ginny pointedly, finally getting straight to the point.

Hermione sighed, her body deflating as she tore open her Cornish pasty and took a large bite. “So you know then,” said Hermione through a mouth full of potato and onion.

Ginny nodded, now giving her a pitying look. Hermione hated that look. It was the same look she got all through sixth year when Ron was dating Lavender, snogging her all around the corner every chance he got. Apparently, some things never changed.

“And…how long have you known?” Hermione hated herself for asking but she had to – for her own sanity’s sake.

“Oh! —” Ginny’s eyes grew wide “—I just found out last night. I swear. He came round to ours right after he saw you. Scared the bogeys out of Harry and me. We thought he was still on assignment. We were just sitting down to some takeout and he burst through the fireplace, tracking soot across the rug, talking about how he’d messed up. Harry nearly hexed him before we realized it was him.”

Hermione sat back, taking another bite from her pasty. She chewed slowly, a little more relaxed that she now knew the secret of Ron’s infidelity was not just a secret to her. She swallowed her bite and then asked, “So, what did he say happened?”

Ginny frowned; her eyebrows furrowed deeply. “Well…it was all sort of a jumble at first but once we got him to sit and calm down, he basically confessed to it all. He said he’d been seeing someone else…behind your back. Behind everyone’s back. He told us how he’d been getting back from assignments earlier than he said he was to spend time with her. Apparently, she works at Flourish and Blotts.”

Hermione balked. She knew she’d seen the witch somewhere before. Of course! She was the new register girl at Flourish and Blotts. Hermione had seen her before when her and Ron went in to…oh Gods, she was going to be sick again. Ginny must have seen the look on Hermione’s face because she thrust the paper bag in Hermione’s direction and scoot a bit further back on the bed. Hermione took it, giving Ginny a grateful look, but setting it aside. No, she was not going to be sick again. Instead, she took another large sip of coffee, hoping the caffeine would soon bring relief to her aching head.

“I know. I know,” said Ginny commiseratingly. “Obviously, Harry and I were furious. I had to hold Harry back from physically attacking him and the only reason Ron’s arse wasn’t hexed off his body was because my wand was upstairs. I’m…I’m so sorry, Hermione.”

“Did he…” Hermione hesitated, unsure of whether she wanted to ask her next question, but knowing she’d drive herself crazy if she didn’t. “Did he say how long it’s being going on? Are they serious?”

Ginny pursed her lips, giving Hermione another one of those pitying looks. “I don’t think you want to know…”

“Just tell me Gin. I’m going to find out either way.”

Ginny swallowed thickly before answering, “Six months.”

“Six months?!” Hermione nearly shrieked, bringing a hand up to her head when it gave a surging pulse of pain. Merlin, she needed a pain potion in the worst way. Well, that answered her second question. If they’d been seeing each other six months, then it was definitely serious. Still, six months…that was a third of her and Ron’s relationship. Thinking back she realized that six months ago was around the time Ron stopped showing her affection and started spending more and more time away on assignments.

“I’m so sorry, Hermione,” Ginny apologized again. Hermione didn’t really know what she was sorry for though. Ginny wasn’t the one who’d been shagging someone else behind her back for half a year, thought Hermione bitterly. “I just want you to know that everyone’s on your side. Harry practically threw Ron out of our flat last night and told him to not come back until he’d figured out a way to fix things and I owled mum and dad the minute he left. I told mum to let him have her worst. The bastard deserves it.”

Hermione sighed, setting her pasty and coffee down on the nightstand, suddenly no longer hungry. So everyone knew now then. Great. A small part of her had hoped she could go a bit of time in denial. She hoped she could keep it a secret for just a bit before it became a big…thing.

“I guess I should have seen it coming,” Hermione finally said. “He’s been gone so much lately, and I’ve tried to be understanding, but he’s also been pulling away. I thought it might have been something I did…something we could fix, but.” Hermione shrugged, as if to say, ‘What can you do’.

Ginny frowned even deeper before asking, “Do you still want to? Fix it, I mean.”

Hermione frowned as well, thinking hard on her answer before shaking her head and saying, “No. No, I don’t.”

Ginny seemed a bit sad at her answer – perhaps disappointed that they would no longer one day be sisters but gave her a reassuring look all the same. “I completely understand. In my opinion he doesn’t deserve a second chance. I mean, what he’s done is so vile and unforgivable! I can’t believe—”

“Ginny—” Hermione cut of Ginny’s newly rising anger, suddenly feeling very tired “—thank you. Really, I appreciate you coming over here to comfort me. I just, I think I need a bit of alone time now. The last twenty-four hours have been exhausting and I think I just need a bit of a lie down.”

“Oh—” Ginny stood, collecting the trash from their breakfast “—of course. I’ll get out of your hair. Take as much time today as you need. You deserve it. Harry already called you in sick for the rest of the week and I’ll stop by tomorrow to see if you’re up for lunch.”

Merlin’s balls – work. She’d completely forgotten about work! It was only Wednesday. Burying herself into the confines of her duvet, Hermione thanked the stars for Harry Potter. Ginny gave her a soft kiss on the forehead before slipping out of the room. Hermione’s eyes had just closed, the pounding in her head all too apparent now that it was quiet when another knock came from the door.

“Come on in,” Hermione mumbled, voice groggy now that her muscles were relaxed, and her stomach was full of pasty. Ginny must have forgotten something.

“Sorry, Ginny said you were just about to have a lie down, but I thought you might need this first.”

Hermione froze at the sound of Sirius’s voice. Steeling herself, she rolled over and looked up at the older wizard with bated breath. He looked…fine. Calm even. How did he look so calm? He made his way across the room to the side of her bed and held out a small vial of pain potion to her. Hermione sat up a little, taking the vial from him. She uncorked it and tipped it past her lips, letting the bitter liquid slide down her past her tongue and down her throat. Pulling a face at the taste, she grabbed her coffee from the nightstand and chased it, before settling back in her bed.

“Thank you,” she said, purposefully avoiding looking at Sirius directly.

“Sure thing, kitten. How are you feeling?”

“Better, but still not my best,” Hermione answered, wishing more than anything Sirius would just leave. She wasn’t prepared for this. She needed at least four more hours of sleep and maybe another shot of whiskey before she was ready for this conversation. “Did…Ginny tell you what happened?”

Sirius nodded, and then much to her despair, he sat down on the edge of her bed. Hermione scooted her legs over, putting as much space between her body and his as she could without being too obvious.

“It certainly explains last night,” said Sirius, letting out a low and breathy laugh.

Hermione felt her face go hot, and she was sure she was as red as a tomato. However, if there was ever a time to put her plan from that morning into action, it was then.

“I’m so sorry you had to see me like that,” she began, looking down at her lap as she fingered the fabric of the duvet. “I’m ashamed to say I was so drunk I don’t even remember getting home. I hope I didn’t do anything too embarrassing like puke on your shoes, or something.”

There was a brief silence before Sirius cleared his throat and said, “No, no. Nothing like that.”

“Really?” Hermione asked, looking up in surprise. Sirius looked back at her, his grey eyes open and friendly. He gave her a small smile.

“Really,” he responded. “Although if you had puked on my shoes, I wouldn’t really blame you. No need to feel embarrassed for getting a bit too drunk. Can’t say I’d do much better if I’d been in your position.”

Hermione gave a weak laugh in response.

“Now,” continued Sirius. “You get some rest.” He stood and walked towards the door. He was halfway out of the door, handle in his grasp when Hermione called out to him.

“Sirius.”

The wizard turned, giving her a surprised look mixed with, was it worry? Concern? Hermione couldn’t tell. Her tongue faltered, stuck behind her teeth as she realized she had no idea why she’d called out his name. Swallowing thickly she gave him a smile that she hoped looked natural and said, “Thank you, again.”

“Of course, kitten.”

***

“How are you feeling?” Ginny asked, that same pitying look on her face.

Her and Harry sat across the table from Hermione at a small café in Diagon Alley. Just like Ginny had promised, she arrived exactly at noon the following day to see if Hermione was up for lunch. Hermione, who’d been hiding in her room, avoiding a certain older, dark-haired wizard found that she couldn’t say no. She was going stir-crazy and as even a quick trip to the kitchen seemed like too much of a risk, she was starving as well. So, there she was, sat across from the picture of marital bliss, wondering how long it really took to make a sandwich and chips.

Harry, thankfully, wasn’t giving her the same sad look Ginny was. In fact, if she had to put a word to how he looked she’d call it ‘uncomfortable’. He was having a hard time meeting Hermione’s eyes and he kept moving his hands from under the table to on top of it, his thumbs twiddling together.

Hermione sighed at Ginny’s question, bringing a hand up to her temple and rubbing the tired, tender flesh. While her hangover was well and past, she still felt exhausted – strung out really, despite the amount of extra sleep she’d gotten. She blamed Sirius Black for that. Despite every fiber of her being telling her that Ron’s infidelity should have been the main focus of her mind, instead she’d been unable to think of anything but the fact that Sirius Black had let their little tryst be swept under the rug surprisingly easily.

“I’m alright,” Hermione answered, giving Ginny a tired smile.

She should be alright – with the fact that Sirius played along with her little alcohol-induced memory loss game. It’s what she wanted, wasn’t it? The whole reason she’d decided to lie to him was so that he would have an out. So that the two of them could pretend like it never happened. So that they’d never have to have the uncomfortable ‘We almost drunkenly shagged in the hallway’ conversation. Well, she had been drunk. What was his excuse?

“Are you sure?” Ginny asked again.

Hermione looked around the café, hoping to see their waitress coming just around the corner with her food. No such luck.

“Heard anything from Ron?” Hermione asked, surprised that of all things, she’d rather distract herself with the topic of Ron cheating on her than think about Sirius Black.

Ginny shook her head. “We haven’t heard anything, and mum says he hasn’t showed up to the Burrow, which means—”

“He’s been staying somewhere else…like his girlfriend’s place,” Hermione finished for her, her mouth going sour.

A tense silence filled the space around them at the table. It made sense that he would rather stay there than go home and face his mother’s wrath. Did the other witch know about Hermione? She wondered what Ron had told her – if he had told her anything. When she had realized who Hermione was, she seemed to remain friendly enough and she didn’t seem worried. It was common knowledge that her and Ron had been dating. It had been front page news in the Daily Prophet. So what then? Had Ron told this witch too? Had he told her that they were broken up? Perhaps someone should tell her…

“I feel like I should do something,” said Harry, breaking the silence. “I—do you—would it make you feel better if I beat the shit out of him?”

Hermione laughed. Actually laughed, fully and whole-heartedly. “No, Harry. That’s not necessary but thank you. I appreciate the gesture.”

Harry smiled sheepishly and nodded. “Alright then. Just thought I’d ask.”

They fell into a silence again and Hermione found herself looking out the café window for something to do. Her thoughts drifted back to Sirius. After lunch she’d have to go home. Usually she’d kill a few hours by going into Flourish and Blotts, but it felt a bit off-limits at the moment. Not needing any new robes or potions ingredients and having no reason stop by Gringotts, her only option was to go back to Grimmauld Place. She’d have to face Sirius sooner than later, she thought despondently. Still, maybe she could go into Muggle London if she found herself lacking in courage by the time lunch was over.

“Harry, did you have to use the restroom?” asked Ginny, bringing Hermione out of her thoughts. She looked up at the two of them across from her and saw Ginny looking at her husband with wide eyes.

“No?” Harry responded, looking back at his wife in confusion.

“No, no. I’m pretty sure you said when we got here that you needed to use the loo.”

“I think I’d remember if I said—”

“Harry. Bathroom,” said Ginny through gritted teeth, her eyes narrowing.

Harry eyes grew wide in both fright and understanding before he made a fidgeting motion, turning slight in his seat. “Right, um, yeah. I forgot. I’ll just—”

Harry stood, walking briskly through the café towards the back hallway where the bathrooms were.

Hermione watched him go, brow furrowed in confusion. Well that was odd. Looking back at Ginny, she found the redheaded Weasley girl staring fixedly at her.

“Everything alright, Gin?” she asked nervously.

“What aren’t you telling me?” asked Ginny, her tone blunt and accusatory.

“I’m not sure what you mean.” Hermione’s palms began to sweat. She couldn’t possibly…unless Sirius mentioned something. Did he?

“Hermione. I’ve known you for nearly eight years now. I know when there’s something you’re not telling me.”

Hermione chewed her lip, meeting Ginny’s sure gaze. A raging war battled within Hermione’s head as she sat in the café, the vinyl bench seat squeaking under her restless legs. Should she tell Ginny? If she didn’t, the girl would surely badger her until she did. And Hermione did really need a second opinion on her predicament – needed to tell someone or she might just go insane.

“Promise not to judge me too harshly?” Hermione asked, wringing her wrist in her hand.

“Hermione, of course I won’t judge you—” Ginny’s expression softened “—What is it? You can tell me.”

“You know how I went out drinking Tuesday night after finding out about Ron?”

“Yes…” Ginny drew out the word, her voice lilting up into a question almost.

“And you know how I came stumbling home drunk off my arse?”

“Yeah,” Ginny snorted. “I would have paid big money to see it.”

“Well, when I got home I…I…well you see I—”

“Hermione, just spit it out.”

“I snogged Sirius!” Hermione blurted the words, covering her mouth with both palms as if she could scoop the words out of the air and push them back down her throat. She glanced around her hurriedly, realizing only then that she’d practically yelled out for all to hear that she’d made out with Sirius Black, godfather to famous Harry Potter.

Ginny stared at her, wide-eyed and mouth hung open very much not unlike Ron from two nights previous.

“It—well I was drunk, and I got home, and Sirius was there, and he wasn’t wearing a shirt, you see. And I just…he looked so fit, you know? And I thought, well if Ron can go off and shag someone while we’re dating then surely, I can snog someone else now that we’re no longer dating. So I did.”

Ginny continued to stare at her in shock. Hermione swallowed thickly.

“Ginny, please say something. I’m almost positive I will go barking mad if you don’t.”

“I…I’m not quite sure what to say. Sirius? As in Sirius Black?”

“Yes.”

“Our Sirius Black?”

“Yes.”

“The Sirius Black you live with?”

“Yes.”

“Sirius Black – the godfather of my husband, Sirius Black?”

“Oh for crying out loud, yes Ginny. Sirius Black. That Sirius Black. I snogged Sirius Black,” Hermione bit, now rubbing both of her temples.

“Merlin’s beard…” said Ginny in a tone of disbelief.

“I know,” responded Hermione.

“How was it?”

“Ginny!” Hermione looked across the table at her friend in disbelief. The redhead was grinning back at her mischievously.

“What?! Inquiring minds want to know, Hermione Granger. You can’t just tell me something that juicy and not expect me to have questions.”

“Well yes, but I rather thought the questions in question would be more like ‘What were you thinking?’, ‘Why did you do that?’, ‘What are you going to do?’. Not, ‘How hot was it?’” laughed Hermione in bewilderment.

“So, it was hot then,” said Ginny, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh Merlin…” Hermione sighed, resting her head in her hands.

“Okay but in all seriousness, I do need all the details. So start from the beginning and don’t leave anything out.” Ginny leaned forward in her seat, crossing her arms on the tabletop, and looking at Hermione expectantly.

Hermione sighed, but figured she owed it to Ginny to tell her the whole thing. Except, while Ginny was probably expecting the beginning to be her stumbling through the front door Tuesday night, nearly falling ass over tits, in reality, Hermione was going to need to start much further back than that. Hermione took a deep breath and then opened her mouth and told Ginny everything.

“Wow…”

“I know,” Hermione moaned, rubbing her palms down her face once again.

They were quiet before a moment before Ginny spoke, “So how are we going to get you two in the sack?”

“What?” Hermione asked in surprise. “You mean you’re not upset with me for more or less emotionally cheating on your brother?”

Ginny shrugged. “He actually cheated on you. I think it’s pretty fair.”

“Okay…” said Hermione slowly. “Isn’t it a bit wrong to be moving on so quickly? I mean last night I couldn’t really fault myself. I was drunk.”

“You’re not still hung up on my brother, are you?”

Hermione paused for a moment, already knowing her answer before it slipped past her lips. She had loved Ron, she still loved Ron in a way. But they’d been growing apart for quite some time. His infidelity was just the nail in the coffin for their relationship.

“Not really, no,” she admitted sheepishly.

“Good,” said Ginny simply, an acrid bite to it. “He doesn’t deserve you wallowing over him.”

They sat for a moment, letting the statement marinate in the space between them. But then Hermione spoke again, unable to now stop her racing mind and worries, “You don’t think he’s a bit too old for me?”

Ginny snorted. “You say old, I say experienced.”  

Hermione’s cheeks grew hot at the implication of Ginny’s words. A flash of the night before came to mind and she knew she couldn’t say Ginny was wrong.

“Okay, well then what about Harry?”

“Merlin Hermione! Harry will be fine! He doesn’t even have to know if you don’t want him to. I’ll keep your secret and I’m sure Sirius would too if you asked. Are you trying to come up with excuses not to do this?” Ginny asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No! I just…last night he rejected me. It leaves a witch feeling a bit apprehensive,” said Hermione, looking down at her hands now clasped together on top of the table.

“Hey,” said Ginny softly, bringing Hermione’s attention up. “He turned you down because you were drunk, Hermione. It’s a pretty bloody gentlemanly thing to do. Plus, he only turned you down after he had a taste. It’s obvious he couldn’t help himself.”

“You think?” asked Hermione, catching Harry walking back across the café from the restroom.

Ginny, spotting her distracted look, turned her head and acknowledged her fast approaching husband. She leaned forward across the table and lowered her voice, “I’m positive. Sirius is clearly attracted to you. We just have to make him realize that you’re both available and willing.”

“How are we going to do that?” Hermione whispered back.

“Simple. Hermione Granger, you are going to seduce Sirius Black.”

[sleeplessandstubborn]

Emily in Paris or why I stopped caring about the protagonist and I started rooting for the French. Episode 1.

Let’s be clear. I was planning to root for the French anyway. They are in the neighbouring country, I quite like them and I was prepared to confront and make fun about all the stereotypes in this series. Because this was exactly what I expected. Funny, lighthearted and totally braindead (wink wink) escapism in an instagrammed to the top Paris which has the same resemblance with the real one than Vincent Minelli’s... But without Gene Kelly. So what did I think of the first episode?

Meet Emily Cooper from Chicago. She’s young, she is dynamic, she struggles to be liked by everyone and at the beginning of the series. She is a marketing executive about to be promoted or so she thinks.

... Because her boss Madeline (played by Kate Walsh) is going to Paris in order to take work with Savoir, a luxury firm the company (sorry I forgot its name) has just adquired. Madeline is overjoyed because working for a year in Paris is one of her dreams and because French men like mature women, as probed by the fact that their young and hot (sic, but this blog agrees) president married his high school teacher. We’ll never know which plans Madeline had for Frenchmen, whether they are young or hot or not. The case is after two minutes in the series she vomits, which means she’s pregnant and she can’t go anywhere because it’s an truth universally aknowledged that pregnant women can’t go on with their plans.

It’s in the next scene when we meet Emily’s boyfriend, Doug, and when we learn she’s going to Paris in Madeline’s place, in spite of being unprepared and not knowing the language. At this point one wonders how it’s possible that no one else in the company can replace Madeline. All of them are monolingual? Our plucky heroine is not discouraged by the litle fact of knowing virtually nothing about the country in which she’s going to live during the next twelve months. She and Doug - the moment you see the scene you know it wont’ go well - agree on a long distance relationship.

And after a very well done transition, we have crossed the ocean. Yes, this is well done, and I say it unironically. Episodes are short, your show is called Emily in Paris, so, what’s better than having your main lady already in the French capital in less than five minutes. The series goes to the point in this aspect and it’s a good thing to spare us of unnecesary scenes.

So Emily arrives to her apartment with pretty views, confused about in which floor she’s supposed to live (running gag ahead) and already hit on by a French guy on a suit that looks like the love child of Gabriel Attal and Albert Rivera (check it, seriously). I couldn’t take him seriously not only because of that but also because he said that Emily’s appartment was a chambre de bonne. Not by any means. Look, I’ve never lived in Paris but I know that apartment is huge when compared with a real chambre de bonne.

Off to know her working place, Emily has this HUGE smile pasted on her face. I don’t know if this supposed to make her charming and likeable. For me - it’s true than I have this European perspective - she looks a mix between an anxious puppy and a psychopath. I would be scared and would avoid her at all costs. The cultural clash is about to happen.

Yeah, I would look at her too, Julien a.k.a. token black character. You have probably heard about the lack of diversity in this series, I won’t abound in that, others have worded it better. It also an established fact that French people smokes at their workplace, even if in the European Union we have these things called smoking bans that won’t allow it.

And enter Sylvie, Emily’s Parisian boss and supposed main antagonist, à la Devil wears Prada. What to say about Sylvie other than I adore her? Her clothes, her style, her sarcasm. As any rational being would do, Sylvie is pretty dismayed to learn that Emily does not have the slightest idea of French and its already wanting to impose her American perspective and her alleged knowledge of social media. The problem is I don’t know if her posts on Instagram really deserve that much attention. Clash ensues with the rest of her new coworkers. C’est la cata! they comment. I quite agree.

Our fish-out-of-water takes an evening afterwork stroll (this Paris is like one square kilometer and public transport is something you mention but never appears) and calls her boyfriend to state the entire city looks like Ratatouille, which legitimately made me laugh. I am not sure if this reference means that Emily’s filmic culture is that limited or if it’s her boyfriend the one who only knows a movie which takes place in Paris and that’s one is Ratatouille. We know that Emily at least has seen Moulin Rouge and that makes two so probably is Doug’s fault.

Back at home, and since she has forgotten how to count, Emily attempts to open the wrong door. Immediately a wild Frenchman appears; it’s Gabriel, played by Lucas Bravo probably one of these young hot men Madeline would target. He takes the intrusion reasonably well. Especially when it’s discovered that Emily only knows his region, Normandy, from Saving Private Ryan. That makes three films, so definitely I think Doug is the problem here as far as filmic culture goes.

Next day Emily picks a yellow outfit and goes to work, purchasing a pain au chocolat in her way to work. I confess I was underwhelmed when discovered that there wouldn’t be any joke about the Great Civil War that has been going on in France since its earliest days: the partidaries of pain au chocolat vs. the ones of chocolatine. A ferocious, merciless conflict unknown by most nations. A lost opportunity not making this woman someone from the South who bravely defies Parisian conventions calling it chocolatine. I’m team pain au chocolat btw. Naturally when she discovers the wonderful world of flavours she makes another Instagram post. She’s earning more and more followers, Heavens know why.

However, she has a Big Problem with Doing Research. Example given, she doesn’t know her schedule - a problem which could have been solved with reading numbers - and arrives two hours early to her workplace.

Once there she discovers she can’t sit with the cool kids. No one wants to lunch with her, so she decides to miserably sit by herself at the park, where we met her best new friend. Her name’s Mindy, she’s from Shangai and she’s working as au pair, while teaching Mandarin to the two blond children she’s looking after. We’ll later discover more about her. She instantly detects the American in Emily and offers her help to this awkward but at the same time arrogant newcomer.

Meanwhile at Savoir, Emily has earned a sobriquet. La Plouc, which is adopted by Sylvie and most of her coworkers even if Luc seems more or less reluctant to say it. La Plouc means the hick, as she instantly discovers thanks to an online translator. It’s really not a good day for our heroine, and she cames back home - remember that thing about this Paris being one square kilometer? - walking. Co-worker and someone who  for some resason reminds me to the posh-y version of Philippe Poutou - check it - Luc passes by as she sits lonely by herself and apologizes for calling her la Plouc earlier. He also claims she’s arrogant for coming to Paris without speaking or even understanding French - which is true - and tells her people is probably scared as her new, modern ideas. Which makes no sense at all and it’s probably a white lie.

Meanwhile and for some reason her totally inocuous posts in Instagram makes her earn more and more followers. During the night, her oblivious to timezones boyfriend call her and they have - or attempt to have - a totally awkward and unsexy session of cybersex. At the end Emily is so frustrated that she tries to use her electric vibrator which leads to the short-circuit of the entire building. Fortunately before she has the oportunity of getting closer to the device in question. And that’s how Episode 1 ends.

What did I think? It’s fun and pretty to look at. Even prettier to rant about. As long as your brain remains carefully shut off in the meantime and you don’t take it that seriously you are going to enjoy it I guess. At least it’s my case.

Still frustrated for not covering the Great Civil War tho.

[spectrumed]

3. sadness

Don’t be like that. Be like this, or be that other thing. Be unique, but don’t be too unique. Fit in, but try to be a rebel. Be a renegade, but don’t rock the boat. Don’t know what you are supposed to be? What? Do you have imposter syndrome or something? Just be yourself, but, y’know, sand down the edges a little bit. Be friendlier. Be the kind of person everyone likes. Be the life of the party! Don’t be some shut-in, some crazy cat-lady with absolutely zero social life. Don’t be sad. Don’t burden others with your sadness. Work to maximise the total happiness of your community. A smile goes a long way. Can’t smile? You really can’t help but being a sourpuss all the time? Well, I guess maybe that if you can’t help but stay in a perpetual bad mood bringing everyone else down… then maybe you should just stay isolated? Better stay alone, away from others. You’re toxic. You’re just so damned sad. You really must be quarantined.

I am sad, a lot of the time. Are you? But, no, you can’t just admit that you are sad. Don’t be a buzzkill, try to inject a little humour into the things you say. You can admit you’re depressed, if you do so with a joke. Don’t let others know you’re being sincere. Ironic jokes work the best, don’t they? They let you confess your secret gloom to everyone around, but they’ll never know just how serious you’re being. With a wink of the eye, any candid expression of your inner turmoil can become a hilarious post-modern gag. Are they or are they not telling the truth? Oh, I’ll never tell! And it will all work out excellent, up until the day you commit suicide. But every comedian’s time in the limelight has to end at some point, right?

This blog is supposed to be about autism spectrum disorder, why am I suddenly discussing depression? Well, I suppose that it is time we bring to the table this little thing called comorbidity. Psychology is messy. Some would argue that it is barely even a real scientific field (I tend to think that it is the best thing we have, but I acknowledge that in places, psychology is fundamentally flawed.) You may have thought that you’d get just one diagnosis. One simple label that you can work through and overcome. You’re bipolar, now go deal with it! But instead, you find yourself with a whole fistful of diagnoses. What to hear my proud list of diagnoses? Oh, please, don’t think because I am listing them this one certain way, I put them in order of relevancy to me. I love all of my diagnoses equally.

My diagnoses are:

Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD)

Agoraphobia

Possible Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Asperger syndrome (AS)

No, I was never officially diagnosed with depression, but largely because, at the time I received these diagnoses, my depression was so blatant that it felt as if I was walking around with a cloud of miasma surrounding at all times. Imagine me as Pig-Pen from Peanuts, but instead of being covered in dirt, I was covered in the funk of melancholy. And whatever treatment I would eventually go on to receive (and still am receiving to this day,) would go about treating my anxiety first, and hopefully, the depression would give in alongside the anxiety. It has, for the most part, though, I still feel the presence of that black dog from time to time. I also got only a half-hearted potential diagnosis of OCD, but later, during a trial of an antidepressant that had a freakishly negative impact on my psyche, it blossomed into a fully-grown attention-craving condition. Turns out that OCD can be a real hog for the spotlight, really not allowing any of the other diagnoses to take their turn on stage. Thankfully, when I got off that particular antidepressant, those symptoms stopped, but it has led me to be far more aware of my internal obsessive-compulsive thought patterns. For me, OCD largely lacks physical compulsions, but my mind is ablaze with intrusive thoughts, and I will routinely force myself to repeat certain phrases in my head to make them go away. The funny thing is, I never realised that wasn’t normal.

Diagnoses are an attempt to map out a spiders’ web of problems. Things come hand in hand. While I’m no psychologist, I can speak from the perspective of someone who has been through the psychiatric process, which I suppose, lends me a certain kind of expertise, doesn’t it? Maybe it really doesn’t. Maybe I’m just throwing words out there, thinking that I could serve a good purpose, but instead all I am doing is contributing to this great onslaught of digital disinformation we’re all suffering under. But I’m probably just too doubtful of myself. I am speaking about myself, after all. I’ve got first-hand experience in being myself. I know exactly what it feels like to own this skin, these bones, this heart, and this mushy brain of mine. I’m not claiming to know everything. I’m just claiming to know about this one sad individual writing this hoping it might allow someone to reblog my posts with the hashtag “relatable” one day.

Anxiety runs in my family. The neurosis demon gets passed down from generation to generation, only occasionally skipping a beat. My mother and I share many of the same neurotic quirks, though, she has for the most part of her life not had it to quite the excessive degree that I have it. I really took that genetic predisposition for anxiety and ran with it. And while I’m the only person in my family to have gotten diagnosed as being “on the spectrum,” there are a few members that I kinda sort of in a way actually quite seriously suspect might also be here somewhere on the spectrum. Still, as always goes with diagnosing, there’s no point in doing it unless the person is in need of some kind of treatment. I wholeheartedly believe that most people on the planet belong to one spectrum, be it an autism spectrum, a bipolar spectrum, a narcissism spectrum, even a schizophrenic spectrum, but diagnoses should be exclusively reserved for those who need psychiatric care. The world is a spectrum, and it’s worth noting that the terms “sane” and “insane” do not alone capture the complexity of the human psyche. A person can appear perfectly sensible, yet at some point in their life, they may have been a real silly little bugger who thought that their pet hamster was the reincarnation of the Buddha. Just as with physical health, one can struggle with one's mental health for one period in their life, only to later on in life feel utterly and entirely mentally healthy. Or, well, sadly in a lot of cases, people who were perfectly mentally healthy may suddenly become diagnosed with dementia. But that’s really sad, so let’s not talk about that.

Is it all genetic? Well, no. Or well, maybe? In regards to autism, I am pretty sure that, yes, it is genetic. While, yes, I do admit that I’m just a dummy on the internet, so what do I really know? And the brain is such a complex bit of mushy meat, so I could always be proven wrong. Though, I tend towards thinking that there most likely is principally a genetic factor to conditions like autism, or attention deficit disorder (and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder,) or things like bipolar disorder. But with anxiety, quite frankly, I can’t say how much of it is nurture and how much of it is nature. I mentioned that my mother and I share many of the same neurotic quirks, so that would imply that there is something in one's genes that can make some more prone to anxiety than others, but my mother does not struggle with agoraphobia, nor does she seem to have any obsessive-compulsive tendencies. In fact, in my family, even those that exhibit some element of heightened anxiety, they don’t seem to show any milder symptoms of this kind. I can’t help but feel as if these conditions I gained through that tortuous period of every boy’s and girl’s (and boy-girl’s) life is called puberty. I hate to conform to stereotypes but I did indeed hate being a teenager. Believe it or not, I wasn’t a jock, and no, I didn’t go to parties. I mostly spent my time crying.

The question that no doubt plagues every movie psychiatrist to no end is what kind of trauma must a person undergo to make them go mad? Abusive parents? Abusive uncles? Abusive teachers? Abusive dogs? Honestly, to be an adult raising a child must be rough, considering how any mistake you make might suddenly turn your little babe into a future serial killer. Now, there’s no doubt that there are some seriously terrible parents out there, and that a lot of people have mental woes that definitely came about due to their parents and their abysmal lack of parental care. But generally, how much can you actually blame on your parents? We know the cliché, let’s go sit down on the sofa and complain to our Freudian hack-shrink all about those times as a kid our dad missed the big game, or that time our mother embarrassed us in front of all of our friends. I have plenty of things to complain about my parents, like I believe we all have. Our parents are flawed, messy human beings, of course they occasionally made mistakes throughout our upbringings. But is that nearly enough to turn a person mentally ill? Putting up with an at times really embarrassing mom? No, I don’t think so. And of course, there are some real awful parents out there, I’m not doubting that. Trust me, I’m a fan of true crime, so I’ve heard some real grizzly stories of what some kids are forced to grow up with. But I am thinking that those instances are more rare than they are common. Most people with mental illnesses can most likely not blame their parents.

How ‘bout bullies? Yes, them bullies. Them awful mean bullies that made all of our lives so painful. It’s funny, it seems like every school had their own fair share of bullies, and yet no-one as an adult ever comes forward to admit that they themselves were the bullies. It’s almost like as if no-one ever thinks of themselves as being a bully, even when they are throwing rocks at that weird chubby kid with blonde hair who happens to be named Fredrik and who just wants to be left alone. Was I bullied? Well… yes. But I can’t say I got the brunt of it. I got bullied, but overall I’d say I only ever had it slightly worse than most people. I was still quite tall, typically taller than my classmates growing up, and for the most part I could roll with the punches. If you really want to talk about a kid I knew growing up that got bullied, let me tell you about this kid who knew all the right dances for all the right Britney Spears songs. He was gay, I think. Not quite old enough to have come out, I suspect, but, well... He liked all the female pop stars, but not in that way of wanting to kiss them and fondle their boobies, but in the “I want to sound just like them when I grow up” sort of way. I don’t know what happened to him (or them, or her, depending on how they identify now,) but that was real bullying. Like most folks, I found myself stuck in that limbo of seeing others get bullied far worse than me and being too cowardly to intervene, in fears that I’d end up taking their place. Yes, isn’t school just a marvellous place? It’s a wonder any of us turn out okay.

No, I think that, fundamentally, the problems I have arose with myself. This, blaming myself, is not something that I am unused to doing. I have a long history of blaming myself, that’s really the problem. As a teenager I knew that I was different, and I was frightened and scared of being exposed. I didn’t even really know what it was that was different about me, I just knew that I didn’t fit in. I felt as if I didn’t deserve to fit in. The older I got, the more intense these feelings got. And I started taking it out on myself. I started hating myself. And I really mean furiously hating myself. It wasn’t some casual self-loathing, it was searing self-hatred. I did not physically hurt myself, but I did engage with self-harm. I kept repeating the mantras of “I hate myself,” and “I am pathetic,” over and over again, with the ultimate goal of making myself cry. For a period, I couldn’t go to bed without making myself cry first. I began taking days off from school, pretending to be sick. Well, I suppose I was ill, but not physically. I began failing most of my classes, I only ended up doing well in art. I stayed away from school for whole weeks at the time. Once, when I shame-facedly returned to school some of the meaner boys came up to me and said that they were surprised to learn that I was still alive. They were surprised, but also a little disappointed.

This was a time in my life when I really needed psychiatric care. This became increasingly obvious to my parents, and my teachers. I was clearly suffering from depression. Not just some teenaged angst, but full-blown, wholly insidious, depression. But, well, I didn’t get the care that I needed. Oh, I did go to see a psychologist a couple of times, but she saw no reason for me to continue seeing her. I don’t know why she felt as if I wasn’t in need of help, frankly, I can’t fathom why she felt as if I wasn’t in need of help. I suppose I avoided telling her the truth of what went on inside of my head, but I feel like as if any good psychologist would have been able to tell that the kid sitting across from them was clearly suffering from something a tad more intense than just some common concerns about puberty. At most I was able to confess was that I was feeling ashamed over myself for getting so fat, but it should have been clear to anybody that I was only using that as a hook to hang my self-hatred on. There very clearly was some underlying condition that I had that should have gotten addressed. But it went ignored.

At most I can think to explain this is the fact that I wasn’t “problematic.” Not in the way some kids are, when they’re struggling with their mental health. I did not act out, I did not take drugs, and I was certainly not violent. Even to this day, though I have at many times suffered from suicidal ideation, I am a real low-risk for actual suicide considering my intense fear of dying (yes, that’s an odd combo to have.) So, I’ve come to realise that the only way I am getting treatment is if I actually seek out treatment. And back then, I was just as placid as I had previously always been. I was quiet and introverted, just desperate to get back home so I could go and hide in my room. Many teenagers are like that. And it is easy to ignore them, because they want to be ignored. They just don’t want to exist. When you are desperate to be left alone, eventually people will leave you alone. I would go on to receive psychiatric care later on my life, but only after several years passed. I did have a better time living in my later teenage years, but like with a bone that heals wrong, I needed someone to come in and sort me out. I was sad as a teenager, but I would become really sad as a twenty-something. Hopefully my thirties will be jolly.

[radishaur]

hey! i absolutely love how you write! can i request a zuko imagine with prompts 17 and 78 from the list that makes a reader swoon? thank you!!

Here it is! I hope you enjoy! For those who haven’t read the prompts here they are. #17 is “I think I’m in love with you and I don’t know what to do” and #78 is “Don’t pretend that you don’t feel the same way”.

- Zoe

•••

Play Pretend (Zuko x Reader)

Warnings: None

Genre: Fluff

Part: 1/1

Summary: See Request

•••

Being Toph’s sister came with many benefits. One of which being that you always had the best teacher right next to you. She taught you everything she knew, but probably the most helpful thing was how to tell if someone was lying.

It came in handy during moments like these, where your long term enemy is standing in front of you and trying to convince you he’s on your side now.

When Zuko first joined the group, you were incredibly wary of him. You knew what he was capable of and even the knowledge that he wasn’t lying didn’t make you feel any better. People can change their minds very easily. Just because he believed he was your friend today didnt mean he wasn’t capable of changing it again. He had proven that.

So, maybe you were holding a grudge. Was that so bad? You were still sour over his betrayal in Ba Sing Se and the fact that you just maybe found him attractive was unacceptable to you. You couldn’t allow that. He was your enemy. It didn’t matter that your heart fluttered whenever you looked at him.

To compensate, you distanced yourself. Or at least you tried to. It became increasingly difficult when he was so kind and awkward all the time. It made him hard to hate. Not to mention the fact that he was going out of his way to make things up to you.

Admittedly, you found yourself letting your walls down and eventually became best friends. You two did everything together. Every chore and every adventure that Zuko whisked one of the Gaang members on. You found yourself falling more and more for him. It was consuming you.

You were desperately in love with him.

He was someone you never expected to even tolerate, let alone love. And yet, here you were, staring at him from across the fire as your heart melted. You had to say something.

“Hey, can we talk alone for a moment?” you asked him as he was putting out the fire.

“Uh sure,” he answered, looking somewhat sceptical but following you anyways.

You led him off into the woods that surrounded the Ember Island house. You took a step back from him and took a deep breath. You were still unsure if you could actually go through with it.

“What did you want to talk about?” he asked, clueless to the mental turmoil I was going through.

“I kind of, well I.......I wanted to confess something,” I admitted, picking at my nails as I spoke.

He stayed silent as he waited for me to continue. I took another deep breath. Goodness this was difficult. Was it too late to back out?

“Ok, well before I say it I just want to say that I don’t want this to change anything between us. I just need to say something so it doesn’t eat me alive,” I explained, looking at him with a weak smile.

“Y/N, you’re kind of scaring me. Is it that bad?” he asked.

“N-Not bad, per say. Just kind of important,” I sighed, feeling the ball of anxiety in my stomach grow.

He didn’t say anything.

“Ok, how do I say this,” I muttered, pinching the bridge of my nose.

Now was my last chance to back out. I took one last deep breath and decided to just rip the bandage off. Maybe if I just say it all at once it won’t be as hard?

“I think I’m in love with you and I don’t know what to do,” I blurted out, my gaze locked with his the entire time.

Zuko’s mouth flopped open and his eyes widened. I gulped. Usually that wasn’t a good reaction to hearing someone is in love with you.

“I....,” he began, but he trailed off.

“Oh dear. That was too much at once, wasn’t it? Ugh what was I thinking,” I muttered, slapping my forehead before saying to Zuko, “I guess I just want to know where I stand with you.”

“I can’t be friends with you anymore,” he said before turning around and walking hastily back towards the house.

I felt my heart sink. My eyes watered and I allowed myself to cry slightly. I hadn’t expected him to reciprocate, but to not even want to be friends anymore? I sunk to the ground and buried my face in my hands.

After that, Zuko ignored me entirely. It was the exact same way that I treated him when he first arrived. Anytime I tried to start a conversation with him he always had an excuse to leave. He wouldn’t even stand near me anymore. Everybody had noticed the sudden change.

“What’s up with you and Zuko?” Suki asked me during one of our self proclaimed girls nights.

“Oh....it’s-it’s nothing,” I stammered, trying to avoid the topic.

“Liar. You know you can’t get out that easy,” Toph smirked, wiggling her toes against the floor.

“Even I know that’s a lie,” Katara added in.

I finally broke down and told them about what happened that night. Katara was shocked and comforting while Toph was furious.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry. Zuko’s an idiot,” she soothed, holding me close as I let my tears dry on my cheeks.

“I’m gonna kill him,” Toph exclaimed angrily.

“Toph, it’s not his fault he doesn’t feel the same. I-“ I began to say, but she cut me off.

“But that’s just it! He’s lying!” she said, her arms crossed over her chest, “I can literally feel his heartbeat speed up whenever you’re close to him and I know for a fact that Sokka and Aang have been teasing him for his crush for weeks now.”

“W-What?” I asked in disbelief.

“If that’s true, then why lie? Why is he acting like this?” Katara questioned, also clearly in disbelief.

“I don’t know,” Toph admitted.

My blood began to boil. What the hell was his problem? I stood up from Katara’s hug and looked out the window. Aang, Sokka, and Zuko were all around the fire talking. My gaze hardened and I began marching downstairs.

“Y/N, where are you going? Don’t do something stupid!” Katara called out to you.

“Kick his ass!” Toph exclaimed at the same time.

You could hear them begin to bicker about their opposing viewpoints, but you didn’t listen. You were purely focused on confronting Zuko. You stormed out into the courtyard.

“Oh, hey Y/N! Want to- oh no,” Sokka said, stopping mid question when he saw the angry expression on my face.

Aang gulped and I saw Zuko tense up in fear.

“Wow, I’m tired. I think I’m gonna go to sleep,” Zuko said, faking a yawn and rushing to walk inside.

I slammed my foot onto the ground and erected a huge wall in his path, forcing him to stop. Sokka and Aang mumbled some excuse and quickly left. I marched towards Zuko who was now facing my direction but refusing to look at me.

“Why are you playing this stupid game?” I asked, crossing my arms across my chest.

“I’m not playing any game,” he huffed, still refusing to look at me.

“Then why are you acting like this! I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable by admitting my feelings for you, but you’re acting like a child. How can you just ignore me?” I asked, not even trying to hide the hurt in my voice.

“I’m not acting like a child,” he muttered, a scowl crossing his face as he looked at me.

I felt tears begin to prick my eyes. I uncrossed my arms and let the dirt wall fall back into the ground.

“Do I really mean that little to you?” I asked quietly, my voice breaking as I asked.

His scowl immediately dropped and was replaced with a face of regret. He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out.

“Apparently, according to Toph and pretty much everyone but you, you like me back. So why are you doing this? What’s the point?” I questioned him, taking a step closer as he once again avoided my gaze.

“I’m not doing anything,” he insisted.

“I thought you were at least happy. We spent so much time together and you always seemed to be happy. Even if it was just as a friend,” I said, reaching out to grab his arm.

He grabbed my wrist before I could and looked at me once more with an angry glare on his face.

“I’m never happy,” he growled.

“I can literally feel that you’re lying,” I reminded him.

He blushed at being caught in his lie and released my hand. He once again refused to look at me. I sighed.

“Please, just answer my questions. Why are you doing this if you like me back? Because it’s pretty clear to me now that you do,” I pleaded, tears freely falling down my face now.

“I.....,” he tried to say, but his voice just stopped.

“Don’t pretend that you don’t feel the same way. Please. Just tell me the truth,” I begged once more.

He looked at me once more and I could see the tears threatening to fall from his eyes. His breath hitched when he looked at me. He took a deep breath and shut his eyes.

“Because I always hurt the people I care about. I’m a disaster waiting to happen,” he admitted.

“Do you really believe that?” I asked.

“Of course I believe it! I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t. I’m head over heels in love with you! I just don’t want to see you get hurt because of me,” he cried out, his fists clenched at his sides angrily.

“Zuko....,” I said, taking another step closer to him.

I could now feel the head that radiated off his skin. It was like a warm blanket that wrapped around him and anyone near it. It was one of the things I loved most about him.

I leaned up to kiss him. It was soft and short, but it was everything I had ever dreamed of. His eyes opened in shock.

“You’re a better man now, Zuko. I know you would never hurt me,” I whispered, our noses brushing against eachother as I let my hand caress his face.

He pulled me closer to him as his hands wrapped around my waist. He closed the distance between us as he pressed his lips onto mine. This time it was harder, more passionate. I melted into him.

I could hear Sokka and Aang cheering triumphantly. Toph was making fake gagging noises and Katara was giggling at the whole thing with Suki. I smiled into Zuko’s lips as I heard them, but I didn’t even care. All I cared about was Zuko.

[twiceblackvelvet]

loona reaction to having a crush on the 13th member. thanks!!

A/N; alright let’s see if i still know how to do this stuff lol. thanks for the request anon!

VIVI

In the middle of an interview, all of you could sense where the questions were heading, and yet, ViVi ended up zoning out into a world of her own. “What’s your ideal type?” The question has been asked so many times, but previously, she could easily give a basic answer, yet on this occasion, as soon as the words pierce her eardrums, her brain screams your name. She’ll stutter out something about someone who is kind but all of you can sense there’s an awkward atmosphere with her. It will take her a while to build up the courage to speak to you about it. 

YVES

Yves will have noticed that the two of you have been hanging out a lot more recently, secretly enjoying the one on one time with you perhaps a little bit too much. So much so that when schedules restart and the two of you are no longer free to do whatever you wish, she’ll miss being able to go on what she considers in her head dates with you. Rather than get upset by this, she’ll just pull you to the side one day and inform you of her feelings and ask whether or not you feel the same way about her. She won’t want to waste time and potentially lose you or keep feeling things towards you if you only wish to have a friendship with her. 

JINSOUL

Despite the very obvious flirtation between the both of you, which the other members tease you about, Jinsoul will refuse to face the deep down feeling within herself that perhaps they’re right about it being more than just an inside joke and instead something that makes her heart rate pick up whenever you smile at her. She’ll convince herself that this is just a passing crush and won’t last, however, once she realizes those feelings are there to stay, she’ll slowly come to accept that she has to be brave and talk to you about it.

HASEUL

Realizing that she has a crush on you will be a strange experience for Haseul. Her role as leader will make her want to forget all about the butterflies she feels whenever you enter the room or force herself to stop staring at you whenever you’re merely smiling at something random. However, the person beyond being Loona’s leader will desperately beg for her to just confess her feelings and get it over with. She’ll take her position within the group more seriously, unfortunately and allow her crush to eventually fade to a what could have been feeling whenever she sees you. 

KIM LIP

Many games are played within the dorm in order to entertain yourselves, however, never did you consider that one of them would lead to Kim Lip being dared to kiss you and her going through with it as if awkwardness had been erased from the world entirely. As if that wasn’t enough, when she pulls away only to smirk and say she’s wanted to do that for quite a while now, it’s like your entire life has been morphed by her words and actions. She was just waiting for the right opportunity and this happened to be it.

CHUU

Being flirty comes natural to Chuu, it’s part of her entire personality. However, actually following through with her flirtations? Not her strong point. Thus, after spending months complimenting and then teasing you, when you decide to do the same in return to get her back, she’ll instead crumble inside and worry about whether or not you’ve figured out that she has a crush on you. The scary feeling will overpower her want to confess and she’ll instead retreat back into her shell and distance herself from you for a little while in hopes that she gets over her feelings for you. 

HEEJIN

After being paired together in a variety show, both you and Heejin will have caused a little bit of a stir among fans for how much chemistry the two of you have together, a ship name for you both having trended the entire day. Upon finding this out, Heejin will have begun to think about just why the two of you stood out the most compared to other pairings within your group. Only then will things click into place for her that perhaps it’s more than just a bond over being a fellow member and that there’s something deeper that she feels for you that she doesn’t for anyone else. 

HYUNJIN

At first, Hyunjin didn’t realize that she even had a crush on you. It wasn’t until some of the other members pointed it out to her that she spends a little bit too long staring at you or talks about you so often that they planned to gag her if she mentioned you once more. Once it all clicks into place for her, she’ll avoid you for some time, wondering whether you’ll approach her first and wonder why she’s being so cold. She’ll think that space between the two of you will give her the answer she needs in regards to how you feel about her, instead she’ll alienate herself entirely from being close to you. 

GOWON

During a random dinner at the dorm is when Gowon will strike with her confession of having a crush on you. Whilst everyone is enjoying random conversations about the latest comeback and the potential for getting a win, Gowon will just blurt out the fact that she likes you by accident after pressuring herself internally to do so. One by one the other members will leave the room to allow the two of you to have some space to talk it over, however, they will all secretly be listening beyond the door for whether or not you’ve accepted or rejected her.

CHOERRY

Whilst many people rely on the saying what will be will be, Choerry instead will prefer a much more straightforward approach to life. She won’t let her crush on you fester and come between anyone within the group if they have even had time to realize that she feels this way because she moves quick. Instead, she’ll simply tell you one day how she feels and that if you don’t feel the same way it’s okay and she’ll move on. It won’t be an uncomfortable atmosphere at all, instead she’ll want you to feel relaxed around her and able to tell her anything whether it be a positive or negative response to her confession. 

OLIVIA HYE

The second you both met each other, Olivia knew that you were special. She couldn’t just blurt out and tell you that though, it would be weird to confess to someone you’d only just met. However, she convinced herself from that day forward that you two had some kind of soulmate connection. She managed to remember all of your earlier conversations, paying close attention whenever you’d bring up how you’d like to be confessed to whenever interviewers would ask, and she’ll have it all planned out in her head to match up with exactly what you want, hoping inside you’ll see her dedication to her feelings for you. 

YEOJIN

Being the youngest member of Loona, falling for a fellow member would not be something Yeojin would plan or want to happen, it would just end up hitting her one day when you’re both doing the most random of tasks at the dorm that she’s grown to fall in love with you. It will terrify her at first, unsure of what the correct action in regards to her own feelings is exactly. She’ll decide to ask some of the older members for advice before she acts upon anything and will consider their opinions on the matter to be greatly important as she won’t want to jeopardize the group or her position within it in case those feelings aren’t reciprocated. Because no matter how strongly she feels towards you, she values her career and yours too. 

[popculturebuffet]

The Loud House Valentine’s Day Double Feature (Back in Black and Stage Plight) or My My My Once Bitten Twice Shy

What is up my Loudites? And while I am returning to the Loud House I do have some sad news to get out of the way first.. i’m ending regular coverage of the Loud House. I don’t like doing this.. but when I picked up the show, I didn’t really have a set schedule.. and that was a bad thing as I didn’t get nearly everything I wanted done. Now I have one and honestly it’s been great: it allows me to stay focused and if I end up not feeling what I was going to do that day, provided it’s not a comission or specfically needed that day, I can swap things around a bit easier. 

The reason I bring this up is Nick’s way of scheduling means I CAN’T reasonably put the show on the schedule. They often don’t announce airdates until the wee before, which isn’t a bad thing WATCHING, and isn’t unresonable for a children’s network. But for someone who likes to have a concrete schedule at the top of the month, still flexable and able to make changes if they come up but at least some idea of what i’ll be doing and when, that’s a non-starter, as not knowing when a show’s going to be there or not really messes with things. In contrast Disney puts up their entire programming schedule for next month towards the end, so I know if a show’s coming back, and thus that it’ll probably be around for next month’s too. And if it goes away a week earlier than expected then super I have that space for other sttuff. But I just have too much other stuff, paid and on my own time, to keep friday’s open in perpetuity.

I will however still reviewing the show infrequently as I still love it, Season 5 will probably have plenty of episodes I want to talk about, already it has Leni running for mayor which sounds like one of my wonky spinoff ideas and I love it all the more for that, and ther’es tons of episodes I have and haven’t seen to dig into. So like Lori I won’t be in the house on a daily basis but i’m still going to show up a lot. I already have an April Fools special planned, as well as a retrospective ready for some time in the future. And of course if more Sam and Luna episodes show up, you know i’ll be on those as fast as humanly possible so yeah not leaving the show.. just not coveirng it because I like having some control of my schedule, it’s a thing with me. 

Good then we can get to why your ACTUALLY reading this unless you’ve already scrolled past or scrolled up to this. Next Sunday is Valentine’s Day, and so to continue Valnetine’s Shenanigans on this fine blog, i’m doing some romantic style episodes of the loud hosue for you. I did intend for this to be bigger, but frankly i’ve been running behind on reviews and running out of steam lately, so I paired it down to the two I wanted to do most. So for today we’ll be covering two of the show’s couples: One they badly need to bring back and I question why they haven’t, and one that I feel has gotten a lot of flack for things that aren’t it’s fault. Both are really adorable so expect some awkward blushing, bats, blood, and other stuff rhyming with B under the cut!

Back in Black: So we begin our double feature with Lucy

Yeah I have not covered this adorable harbinger of death enough on this blog, and intended to do this one, among other lucycentric episodes back in october.. and the fact I didn’t is a good argument for why I have a schedule now ain’t it? But sometimes your plans not panning out right at the exact time you planned them works out for you. Not getting to do Plan 9 From Mission Hill during Pride Month meant I got to do it on comission later. And not getting to do this one at Halloween means it still works fine just fine for valentine’s day.  

So we begin the episode with Lincoln working on his science project, with Rusty coming over to help. 

Shockingly though not only is he not just taking a nap or hitting on Lincon’s sisters while Lincoln works but actually helping, he’s actually good at it. I’m as suprsied as you. Though this is early in his characterization, so he hasn’t’nt been established as horribly sucking at everything or his friends being done with his bullshit QUITE yet. Give him time.  This is an interesting moment in the character’s history though, as it’s the episode that firmly establishes him as a close friend of Lincolns. While he was already turned from a member of a random violence gang to LIncoln’s buddy in the span of season 1, this episode cements him as one of his closer pals simply by him coming over and the two being fairly familiar with one another. Granted by that same token Girl Jordan should be in the group.. and I have nothing to add to that. Add Girl Jordan to the Lincrew. Just do it. 

Anyways Rusty brought his brother along. And you’d expect me to be terrified as there’s now three of them. But.. nope I like Rocky. He’s a chill kid and his personality goes together well with Lucy’s as while he’s a more typical kid, he’s still very subdued in his emotions like she is. Also he mentions both parents so my divorce theory.. is honestly still valid as this was three seasons ago and I could buy their mother left during that time. 

And yes Lucy’s in love.. and stalking him a bit as she follows him around the house sighing while he wonders who did that.. though it is a nice clue their compatible. When you can sense the presence of someone whose big running gag is showing up out of nowhere to scare the crap out of people that means something. And it’s either that you’d really get that person or your Wolverine. Or one of his kids. Or his clones. Or clones of his clones. What i’m saying is Rusty’s mom banged the wolverine and his family tree is really weird even by marvel standards. 

But I do give her a pass as she’s not trying to be creepy or obsessive, she just doesn’t know how to talk to him as he’s your average kid and she’s a creature of the night. It’s just a kid being shy which is very refreshing both because pre-savnio being fired the show had some very messed up ideas about relationships and gender politics at times, the latter of which actually crops up here, and because having grown up with the cartoons of the 90′s and 2000′s.. I had to put up with things like this. 

Full Disclosure: I DO ship sonamy.. but only after around Sonic Chronicles, where Bioware and then Sega decided to not make “Constantly harasses sonic despite him clearly not being interested and saying so vocally” and “Obessess over him to a point I worry she’s going to break his legs so he’ll never run away from her again”, as well as aging her up from 12. Still find her ungodly annoying at best and terrible at worst before that point, Sonic CD and Sonic Advance excluded. And yes I am that huge of a nerd, damn proud of it too. 

What i’m getting at is that a little girl unable to talk to a guy and only being kinda creepy because that’s what she does is LEAGUES better than “IT’S NOT CREEPY WHEN A WOMAN DOES IT”. Given this episode was written by a woman that probably helped a lot if not entirely but I don’t blame her for that.. more on that later. 

Point is she’s smitten but her first attempt to talk goes back as he rushes to leave after she tries talking to him.. and also appears out of nowhere to spook him. Come on man, your better than that. YOu sensed her before why not now? Up your game. But yeah Lucy’s depressed while Lincoln talks to her about it, about them leaving and once Lucy confesses she’s into rocky asks what he’s into. Lincoln.. has no idea as he’s barely been around Rocky. He’s just an average kid he dosen’t quite understand. Normal is the word he uses and Lucy ponders that.  We next see the three most traditionally feminine sisters, Lori, Leni and Lola, all pissed someone stole their stuff, though Lori does suspect Lola at first because let’s face it, this fits her MO of being an entitled brat and not being above petty theft. But no the culprit is Lucy who genuinely apologizes and understands that their mad but the other girls are fine with it given the context, which Lucy explained, and are happy to make her over.  This is where the problem I was hinting at comes in: ALL the girls are on board with this makeover plan. the problem is.. only the three who came in in the first place make actually sense making Lucy more tradiotnally feminine. Lori loves fashion and is a control freak who has troubles with empathy at times especially at this point in the series, Leni while not INTETIONALLY hurtful is kind of ditzy and thus can miss some cues, and Lola has a yawning starless void where her soul should be. For these three? Yeah this plot actually makes sense they wouldn’t think of Lucy’s feelings and actually help her use who she is to get rocky or tell her it doesn’t matter she’s beautiful as she is.. then presumably bring the wrath of god down on that poor child before things were cleared up.  The issue is more dragging the other sisters into it. It only fits the three above to really give a shit about making Lucy more “normal” and “Girly” and “Other stereotypical bullshit”. Luna is very chill and empathetic and would be the first to say “Wait maybe making her the opposite of herself isn’t a good idea”, Luan is likewise empathetic though I could possibly see it she really doesn’t need to be in this plot, Lynn ENTIRELY doesn’t fit as she prefers sports and getting dirty and what not and is the closest to Lucy out of the sisters and thus would probably be the most defensive about her not changing and that could’ve actually been interesting, Lana would be the same minus the being closest and Lisa is coldly detached a lot of the time and wouldn’t care about any of this on a good day. It feels HORRIBLY offensive and out of character to have them all suddenly be “nah your not girly enough”. These girls don’t give a shit about whose more feminine than who and it’s really bad to pidgeonhole them as that.  However.. I dont’ blame episode writer Gloria Shen entirely for this. She wrote it, she gets some of the discredit.. but she didn’t DIRECT the episode and a LOT can change from page to screen. No  THAT was series creator and known sexual preadator Chris Savino. And i’m not just blaming him because he’s a creepy asshole, but because the seasons he directed, seasons 1, 2 and most of 3, had a bad habit of having episodes where all the girls acted as a group and often to weak ends, like the green house, the one where they all fought, the gender swap episode or  heavy meddle.. which is a headache for another day. Point is it doesn’t surprise me he didn’t fix this or even genuinely cared to differentiate  them and it’d be until next season where the show fully became an ensemble piece. SO yeah I blame him on this not for his horrible history, but simply because it sounds like his writing style and as director, and a producer on the show, he had the power and responsibility to fix things and did nothing. So if it wasn’t directly his fault in the first place , he certainly didn’t fix it, call it out in storyboarding or well anything. So yeah shared blame all around.

So after a makeover montage, Lucy is uh... well I can’t describe the abomination they’ve created. 

I mean.. none of it works, and I think that’s very much the intent, dosen’t make it any less horrifying. Nothing about this is right: makeup REALLY shouldn’t go on a child in any circumstace so the blush on her cheeks is creepy and makes her look like one of those creepy porcelian dolls that i’m 100% sure either are planning to kill us all one day or were made to keep the souls of the damned trapped inside forever. The ear rings just look creepy and again are a bit much for an 8 year old, and the blonde hair just brings it all together. The pink outfit is fine.. I guess but the face is just so unsettling I can’t process the rest of her outfit and i’m not even going to try. 

Point is she looks terrifying, and not in the fun way she usually does, and Rocky dosen’t know what to make of this. Oh and if your wondering why he’s here Lynn just.. took a hockey stick to Lincoln’s project to get the Spokes Boys back over here, and Lisa mocked him for pointing out the obvious holes in their plan despite being 4 and LIncoln having a girlfriend at this point. Granted his relationship with Ronnie Anne at this point is also kinda effed up, but given you all pushed him in this direction, Lisa still has no room to talk and they amicably broke up at some point once the writers decided “Let’s pretend like this never happened and they were just friends, despite her being introduced with a crush on him and us still replaying episodes with said relationship in play, instead of actually dealing with this directly”. You may be easily able to guess what hte retrospective’s about at this point.  So Lori comes in for phase two .. WITH BOBBY!

Just.. I cannot tell you how much I needed my boy to calm me down after the last two scenes of horribly off character writing and ... that thing up there. He dosen’t do much this episode but every episode is better with Bobby and that’s a scientefic fact. So Lori claims they had a double date fall through which Bobby barely follows along with.. and it does kinda feel pressurey to kinda force Rocky’s hand here but her intentions ARE good, and a group date is a good way to relive presssure. It just ends up falling through becaue Lori wants her to act intentionally helpless, which makes no sense both for Lori’s personality given how driven and controlling she is and how Bobby clearly knows both things and likes the first and she worked on the second for him. So yeah the golf date falls through and Lori apologizes for being a bitch about all of this, as they all do, which again. .has me questioning WHY we needed the whole sister group instead of just Lori and co. Or even just Lori. The show REALLY needed to learn character ballance and while it is struggling on occasion, as seen with how lincolncentric this season has been so far, this episode reminds me it used to be MUCH worse. 

But Lucy thanks them because their intetnions were good, i’m going to need a citation on that given it came off as them wanting her to change because they found her weird nad not because they genuinely wanted to help her, and goes off to sulk about being alone. Lincoln dosen’t know what to do till the next day where, again suprisingly, Rusty had the right idea and had them come over to his place. We also find out he’s scared of blood.. which.. I can relate to. Seriously i’ve only insulted the guy once the whole episode

But we find that out because Rocky made his own because he actually found Lucy’s really cool, what a kid. So Lincoln gets the brothers over to his house by damaging the project himself then claming they need to go back and once he sees Lucy’s around has Rocky go into the kitchen to get them some sodas which he agrees to because why not. 

So in a nice little change-up on the running gag Rocky shows up startling Lucy and we get a really fucking cute scene as they hash things out. They have a normal conversation, finally getting past their shared awkwardness, in part because he admits he prefers her as herself.  As it turns out Rocky wasn’t scared.. he just thought she was too cool for him and felt intimidated and like Lucy had no idea what to say. The two then blush and after my heart melts and I freeze it back into shape in a few hours, the two decide to go look at her coffin collection and the next day proudly show off their perfected fake blood.. which destroys the project one more time. WAH WAH WAH. Oh rusty... I knew I could count on you to fuck up at least once. 

Back in Black Final Thoughts: First off Black in Black: Weird Name. I mean it kinda gives the game away, not that fans would thikn horrifying mistake lucy would stick but still, and dosen’t really fit. Call it “Why Do Ghoul’s Fall in Love” or something like that or something related to makeovers. Makeover Mistep. Don’t Make Me Over. Makeover Your Case... okay that last one sounds more like the Legally Blond equilvent of Cobra Kai but the point is it’s just weird.  Outside of the parts I already went in detail about why their dreadful.. this ep is pretty good. That one bit isn’t enough to derail the episode, merley take it’s goodness down a notch, and Lucy is genuinely fun to watch and her heartbreak is hard to watch, and Rocky was an engaging new character with lots of potetial. A large part of why I did this episode. is to ask WHY he hasn’t come back. Rusty’s now a major character, to the point he’s co-headlining an episode next week with Zach... why Zach’s getting an episode, a SECOND one at that I have no earthly idea but the point is the show’s getitng comfortable enought heir giving lincoln’s friends starring episodes without him too, as Liam got one , if alongside Lynn the power couple of 2021 I tells ya. My point is, besides when is Stella getting an episode dammit, that Rocky really should make a come back as he both provides another character for Rusty and the rest of the lincrew to bounce off of, and he and Lucy had genuine chemstiry and now she has her OWN cast there’s an easy story there about her friends reaction to her dating a non goth. There’s a lot of story potetial with this precious boy bring him back.  But overall Pretty in Black is a decent episode, worth checking out if you haven’t seen it and rewatching even if you have.

Stage Plight: So we open with Luann, whose one of my personal faviorites along with Leni, Luna, and Lucy. Granted I haven’t checked out her yearly bouts of going ax crazy on her family yet, but we’ll see in april. But outside of that, which is easy enough to isee iven it’s three episodes out of 214 where she’s like this and she gets her compuance, I find her precious, awkward, and entertaining, from her habit of saying “Get it “ to her love of puns, to the fact she’s essentially a wholesome version of the batman villian the ventriloquist..

Yeah in case you forgot about this gag, she often talks through her dummy Mr. Coconuts.. who functions as her sounding board and helps her figure things out, talks like he’s from the 40′s or 50′s, and in general is a delight. He also once or twice, including this episode acts of his own free will so I don’t know if this is a Child’s Play situation and a dying comedian put his body in her dummy and she’s just rolling with it, if she somehow put a piece of her soul in a dummy or what the hell’s going on here. Compared to the series recently what with it’s mayoral campagins, children murdering guys, and actualy factual spies, this is mildly sane. MIldly. This may also be a serious and untreated case of Disociative Identnity Disorder, but given it’s not framed that way, and Coconuts just seems to be Luann’s way of talking with herself, for now she has’nt gone full vintriloquist. Thoguh givne her april fools day behavior and her profession as a comedian, she probably WILL become the new joker at a some point. 

So the two are talking about Luann’s crush on Benny. Benny was introduced back in L is for Love and is one of the only three love interests there to actually return, and along with Sam the only onen to get multiple episodes about their relationship with their respective loud and a full personality. He was also MASSIVELY hated. For those who joined the fandom more recently, Luann was massively shipped with Maggie, an emo girl who showed up in Luann’s second spotlight episode and one where she didn’t torment her entire family, one I still need to see but have read about. It was pretty cute and nothing was wrong with that or the opposites attract dynamic. But said fans got REALLY and understandibly upset about his introduction and were presumibly none too happy he got to return and got his roll expanded.  And I.. genuinely like the kid. I have nothing against Maggie and in fact poly ship her with both Luann and Benny, as both seem like they’d be open to that and her dour demanor creates a nice contrast between the chipper luann and the somewhat chipper but also chill benny in the middle. I just feel he’s a very likeable character, sweet and awkward and very much on Luann’s wavelength. Like Sam he’s SIMILAR to his love intrest, having Luann’s love of puns, mime and the theater, but is also not quite as giggly about it and as I said has a bit more of a chill to him, in contrast to how sam is slightly more energetic to Luna’s near constant calm off stage. 

I also like him because he’s voiced by Sean Giabrone, an up and coming voice actor who I first met watching the Goldbergs as Adam. His other biggest role so far has been playing Jeff on Clarence, though he’s currently picked up another lead voice roll as Yumulack on Solar Opposites, easily one of the best parts of that show, and has done othe rminor and recurring work, but I feel he’s got the potetial to have a long and fruitful career in voice acting if he wants it. I mean he’s far from the first former ABC star or former Ron Stoppable to make a long and successful voice career of himself. Be the next will fredle man you can do it. 

But yeah I like him and think their cute together and feel demonizing a ship for one that had a low chance of happening isn’t fair, especially when you know, we’re in a fandom where incest runs rampant and is STILL a recurring problem to this day. Pick your fucking battles for god’s sake. As I mentioned you can put maggie in with this relationship or Still ship luaggie regardless. 

So back in the episode Luann and Coconuts notice Benny signing up for the school play and decide to join him. 

Yeah i’ve noticed that a LOT of school set plots are about one of the mains joining a play to either be near or play romantic lead with their crush, or romantic hyjinks happening anyway.  Seriously i’ts a lot. I DID think most of them were around romeo and juliet, and Proud Family, Pepper Anne, and Ned’s Declassified all are probably why, it’s actually way more diverse and i’m happy to give credit to shows and movies for that:  Jimmy Neutron used Macbeth (IN SPACEEEEEE), American Dragon Jake Long used Antony and Cleopatra, as did the comic strip Foxtrot (That one I remembered), Daria used the canterbury tales, Arrested Development used Much Ado about Nothing, and one of my faviorite instances is the film Get Over it. It’s a cheesy as hell early 2000′s high school pg-13 comedy, that I loved as a teen and nos nostalgicaly love but am aware it has issues and some stitled acting as an adult where our hero joins the high school play in order to win his ex girlfriend back from the douchebag she’s seeing now and ends up falling for his best friend’s kid sister instead. They do a mid summer’ night’s dream, which is not only awesome SOMEONE thought to use that one , as the film has given me a special affection for the play.. but it’s a cheesy musical version written by the gloriously over acted director of the play played by martin short. 

My faviorite part of it is the boy band style number about Hermia. Yes really. And I didn’t even get into the fact Siquo is one of the main character’s best friends, Kristin Dunst had to reshoot a scene while making the first rami spider-man , our heroes weird parents who are sex therapists and have no real filter AND offer Coolio a threesome on their advice show, and yes the actual coolio and yes that was an actual person that existed, or best of all the douchey rival who stole our heroes girlfriend, whose not only a former boy band member whose band peformed the song love scud, but also threatens our hero with nunchucks at one point. 

Just see this movie.. i’ll hopefully talk about it some day. 

Point is this kind of plot is stock.. but it’s the good kind you can do a lot of twists and turns with as every example mentioned, even the ones using the crush thing, had some clever twist or turn. And this one is no exception as we’ll see. 

So we meet Ms. Berardo, the schools HAMMY as hell drama teacher who gives herself an entrance and is just wondrously entertaining throughout. She’s played by Grey Delise Griffin, which I could recognize immodestly and man does she bring it. Seriously bring her back. Wonderful character. So our heroine and her leading man audition and in a refreshing change of pace they do not get the lead rolls, instead a modern valley girl and a jock who writes his stuff on his arms do so instead.  But since Bernado’s a bit nuts, she decides to have the Montagues and Capulets practice separately despite tha not making a ton of sense, to drive up tension and what not. I mean isolating an actor to drive up tension is a vallid technique but even having not read Romeo and Juliet since high school, over a decade ago, I can tell you they have several scenes together and this is a logistical nightmare. However our heroine finagles her way over to swapping camps so she can talk to Benny since honestly given the whole thing was a way to get to spend more time with him, she might as well quit otherwise. It also.. isn’t a bad tactic. She wants to know him before asking him out properly, which is fair and a good way to go, and they already know each other and are friendly, and it’s something she likes doing anyway as they were both involved with a play in his first appearance and her liking theater makes sense as she’s a comedian, and while she clearly prefers standup, it’s often a natural evolution to go fromt hat to acting in comedy stuff or making your own show, so it’s not a bad idea to learn that side of the buisness too. 

So Luann FINALLY gets to talk to Benny.. after fast ball specialing mr coconuts in the way of someone trying to sit down

But we get a really cute moment as the two just.. talk like two dorky teenagers; They talk about the real mimes of la, which I want badly to be a show.. even if it’s just to find out what the Mime from Animaniacs is up to now. Where DID that guy go? Did the anvil finally kill him? These are the kinds of things that keep me up at night.. which is probably why I’m finishing this at 4 in the morning. But the two have genuine chemistry with Luann offering him her banana, phrasing, and making a pun he chuckles at. It’s adorable as all hell. 

And Bernardo notices, and since her leads have no sparks she regretfully demotes them.. though their reaction is hilariously realistic as both are just happy to have less lines and walk off. She decides to cast Luann and Benny despite being freshman which would never happen but eh this is a unvierse with a snakebird and spies trying to destroy cherries with a death laser why I do I care two seasons later if two freshman got the leads in the play. Still I love the twist: our hero wasn’t trying to get the lead to creeiply force intamacy or anything.. the two just had natural chemistry and the director noticed that and wants to use it. 

But while this should be great.. it isn’t as Luann keeps dodging actually kissing Benny when they rehearse the kiss. The reason.. is really frigging endearing. Luann simply hasn’t kissed anyone before, this will be her first.. and naturally she’s REALLY nervous about having it in front of a crowd or Benny thinking she’s a bad kisser. And I mean... while I had no personal experience at that age in kissing, most media and personal accounts detail it as awkward as fuck. But that’s the irony: she dosen’t KNOW it’s always awkward and thus is putting a ton of pressure on herself like anyone her age.

So she breaks under the pressure despite the reasurances of her Dummy/Possible Sign that she needs therapy and while she finds a way out the next Day Benny has aburbtly quit because of “chess club”.. which he’s not in. Luann finds him and talks to him about it, worried it’s her fault.. and she’s right, though Benny bowed out because she clearly wasn’t comfortable with him and didn’t want to make her kiss him when she clearly wasn’t comfortable with it. What a man what a man what a mighty good man. Luann TRIES to explain.. and then lets Mr Coconuts do it. Which usually in high school would lead to humilating rejection. instead Benny brings out his own puppet Mrs. Appleblossom. 

Just those eyes.. black and souless.. like a doll’s eyes.. because htey are a doll’s eyes. So yeah Benny also has a puppet he uses to say the things he’s too nervous to say. Which is endearing even if again , KILL IT. KILL IT. I mean i’ts like tha tone guy from victorious if the puppets were actually charming and one of them looked like it was about to play hide the soul. Mrs. Appleblossom explains that Benny is also nervous and with the air cleared and the two realizing theyw ere nervous about the same thing... the inevitible happens

So that fades into the kiss happening on stage, with Luann’s family cheering her, our heroes take a fookin bow and Coconuts and Appleblossom look on.. and talk somehow...and somehow got in the seats on their own. 

Stage Plight Final Thoughts: This episode.. is one of the series best, with great pacing, a low amount of repetition and a relatable conflict, while building up Luann’s love intrest to be a wonderful and engaging guy, and giving us a hell of a guest character and Mrs. Gerardo. This episod eis great, the chemistyr between Gambrone and Pucelli is fantastic. This one is just awesome and worth a look especially if the ship contrversy had hit you hard. It really is good. And there’s always room for benny. Until the next rainbow it’s been a pleasure. 

[aaronhart93-archive]

broken ll aaroman

Discord thread featuring: Aaron & @romanbeckett

Mentions: @jayceelynd @davieslandon

When: July 22, 2020

Where: Roman’s apartment

Description: Aaron tried to comfort Roman after he fights with Jaycee

Trigger Warnings: little bit of self hate and sad boi hours

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 ✩

Roman had some furniture - a bed in the master, a couch, and a coffee table. It was enough to house him just laying in his bed, comforter over his head while he allowed himself to just feel. He didn’t often unravel like this, and he felt guilty for doing so, but when was it going to stop? He’d hurt so many people, and maybe he deserved to feel this way. Karma was a bitch, and to be honest, he didn’t even deserve to have Aaron come take care of him.

Aaron

Aaron couldn't get to Roman's apartment fast enough. He was worries -- he was more than worried. And he knew Roman hated making him feel that way...but he couldn't help it. Roman had been through more than Aaron had actually known about and he wanted so badly for his boyfriend to be able to open up to him. The bar owner opened his apartment door with his key and toed off his shoes, kicking them in the corner. He quickly made his way to the bedroom, where he found the curly haired man laying in bed. He looked fucking angelic. "Hey." He said softly, crawling into bed next to him.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 ✩

Roman turned his head to look at his boyfriend when Aaron crawled in next to him, trying to give him at least a little smirk of reassurance. He was hurting right now, but he was going to be okay. He had to be. He always was. “Hey.” His voice was deep, and raspy from tears. Roman had probably never looked more pitiful in his life, but he wasn’t even trying to. Christ, what a day. What a year. What a life. “Thanks for coming. You didn’t have Des, did you?”

Aaron

Aaron slid under the comforter to a laid on his side to face the taller. He could tell he had been crying. He tried to give him a little smile back, but he just ended up furrowing his brows instead. So much for hiding the fact that he was worried. He reached over to play with one of his curls. "Ali has has her." He said, simply. "Talk to me." He begged.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 ✩

Roman just watched Aaron, reddened eyes scaling his face, and smirking when he played with his curls. “I’ve jus’ made such a mess, Aaron. I got mad at Jay, and yet...I deserved it. I deserved the jab, and to be hurt. I deserved to have my heart broken.” He admitted, voice shaking a bit towards the end as fought the urge to cry yet again, like some kind of gag reflex. “I hurt her so bad. Why do I have any right to be upset right now?”

Aaron

Aaron bit his lip. If only he knew what it was to be as empathetic as Roman. It was his biggest strength and his biggest downfall. Aaron did feel a little responsible for this too. In going for Roman, he hurt Jaycee as well. But...he didn't feel like this. Was he selfish for thinking that way? "Roman, you didn't deserve any of that. Jaycee says some mean things in the heat of the moment. Just because she was hurt by you doesn't mean your feelings that your feelings of being hurt by her are invalid." His blue were still focused on the curl he was playing with.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 ✩

Ro wanted to believe what Aaron was saying, and maybe a part of him did, but after going off on his ex girlfriend...he didn’t feel vindicated, he felt like shit. “She deserves to be mad at me, or even hate me. What she said was harsh, but I did deserve it.” He nodded, and wiped at a tear that fell once again, making his eyes burn even more. “I should have never texted her.”

Aaron

Aaron nodded along as he listening to him, his blues finally meeting his greens as the other spoke. His heart hurt so much for him. Aaron started to even get a little mad at Jaycee for making him feel this way. "Well what exactly did you say? I also tried to reach out to her and she wasn't nice to me either...even though I think I went about it in a mature way."

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 ✩

Roman just shook his head, and then decided to scoot forward, and press himself against Aaron’s front. He nuzzled his face into his chest, and just took in his scent, instantly calming himself down as his tears wet the other’s shirt. He wrapped an arm around his waist, and somehow managed to pull the smaller even closer, his leg wrapped around him like a spider monkey. “I jus’ kept arguing, and getting snappy with her, and I shouldn’t have even texted to begin with.”

Aaron

Aaron took a deep breath in as the other pressed his body onto his. He shifted to his back so that Roman could just sprawl out on top of him. "Sometimes I think texting someone is a good idea in the heat of the moment but I end up regretting that later too." He confessed. Aaron wrapped his arm tightly to hold the man against his chest. He continued playing with his curls. "Roman, you do have the right to be upset. You tried so hard with her, baby. You did everything you could." He tried to convince him.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 ✩

Ro wasn’t sure if what Aaron was saying was biased, or true, when it came to him doing everything he could. He didn’t feel that way, not really. He felt like there was so much more he could have done, or could continue to do. He wouldn’t feel better until he apologized in person though, that he knew. “Thank you. I’m jus’...sometimes I’m too hard on myself, but I dunno if this is one of those times. I feel like in trying not to hurt people, I end up somehow hurting them worse. And yet, I continue to do that. Isn’t that the definition of insanity?? Doing something again and again, expecting a different result?”

Aaron

Aaron didn’t quite know what to say. He never really knew the right thing to say. “You’re trying. Genuinely trying. This is an impossible situation though.” Aaron had been giving himself some slack on this. Of course he felt bad for how landon and Jaycee felt about everything, but Aaron wanted to do the right thing for himself for once. Aaron squeezed the other tighter. He was suddenly a little afraid that he was going to lose Roman again since the guilt seemed to be eating him alive.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 ✩

Roman just nodded, because Aaron had a point. It was an impossible situation. There was nothing he could really do right now to fix it, and even if there was, it wouldn’t end up benefiting everyone. There was no way to make every single person happy, and he knew that. But still. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to get like this, I swear it’ll all be okay, and I’ll get over it.” He assured his boyfriend while running his thumb along the man’s side as he stayed close, and took in his cologne. “Everythin’ will be okay.”

Aaron

The bar owner had been trying so hard to feel like this relationship was secure, but what if Roman couldn't take it -- again... And he couldn't help but feel a little selfish for keeping him like this. He tried not to think about it; push it to the back of his head. Aaron had no idea why Roman was apologizing to him. "Don't be. You're allowed to get this way. I wanna be here for you." He reminded him, even though he had probably told Roman that at least 3 times by now. "Everything will be okay." He repeated, kissing his forehead and rubbing his back reassuringly. 

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 ✩

Aaron of course was saying all the right things, telling Roman it was okay, that everyone would BE okay, and that he didn’t have to be sorry about it. Everyone was allowed to break sometimes, especially when someone like Ro, did nothing but try and put on a strong front all the time. It couldn’t last. He knew that, of course he did, he would have given the same advice to anyone else, and yet he was still so...Roman. “I know. It’ll all be okay.” He nodded against the other’s chest, closing his eyes, and breathing in deep through his nose. “I love you. So much.”

[hotheadhero]

Gotta Let it Out: TOABall2020 w/@sword-scion, cont. from here

Fir simply shook her head and walked up to join Caspar leaning against the railing of bridge. There was a tiny frown at the talk of ‘breaking’ her, but she let it slide. Caspar looked like he simply needed someone right now. “No, you won’t. I’m not that fragile. I’ve faced dragons before. Real life War Dragons, straight out of legends.” There was a tiny note of pride in her voice as she boasted. “My sword never seemed to hurt them very much but I’m still here. You won’t break me so easily.”

“Besides,” she smiled. “I don’t believe you will. You’re a kind person, Caspar. And you’ve shown me many interesting things here. Like the soap. Do you remember the soap?” She couldn’t suppress a giggle at that old memory. “I still can’t really believe that there’s soap you’d want to eat. Even after I’ve tried some.”

However, if Caspar still refused her offer, she would have to relent. Sparring requires willing partners. What else can she offer him? She doesn’t understand nearly enough of Fódlan or the relationship between Caspar and Linhardt to try to give words from a position of understanding. All she can do here… is to try to quote her uncle? Maybe he’d have some wise words on offer that could help Caspar here. What had he told her in the past… ‘Every sword leads to the same place’? No. ‘A person’s life is not that simple’? Fitting, but no. ‘Everyone has a past they wish to erase’? Not even close. ‘Some things you will realize only after you have lost something else’? She had a feeling her uncle had been talking about himself there, but does it really apply here?

She let out a sigh and stared across at her namesake standing across the ravine. What can she do to help Caspar right now? He looks so sad. So dispirited. So unlike himself.

More importantly, she couldn’t reconcile the kindhearted Linhardt who had offered her his jacket after the Battle of the Eagle and the Lion with this Linhardt who had uttered such a lie. She really can’t imagine jolly, brave Caspar to want to avoid anything. Perhaps there is nothing to reconcile. Maybe Linhardt is feeling just as bad about all of this. He certainly looked like it. Right when she had left to find Caspar, he too had looked rather upset.

At times like these, she really curses her own ignorance. For all the time she’d been here, she still had no idea what was so important about all of these houses or even why Caspar would call Linhardt a traitor. All she is aware of is what is happening right here and right now. Perhaps she doesn’t even need to understand. Perhaps she simply needed to speak and the right words would come. It was worth a shot, at least.

“‘Love is like a double-edged sword’,” she quoted after a meaningful pause. “‘It is those closest to your heart that can give you the most piercing wound.’” Somebody had told her that once; she paused a moment to contemplate their meaning. She was aware she had once hurt Sir Noah badly with her rejection. Perhaps, one day, when she could control herself, to keep herself from becoming inflamed with all her thoughts drifting towards him, she might go back and embrace his confession head on. One day. When she had mastered both the blade and herself.

“I still don’t understand why Mister Linhardt would say something like that,” she started carefully. “But I think that the fact that you’re feeling this way means that he still means something to you. And I think that he feels the same way. He was looking very down the last I had seen of him. I don’t think it’s too late. For either of you.” That was all she had to say before she pushed herself away from the railing of the bridge. She paused momentarily to pick up a stray branch and grasp it in both hands. it wasn’t a sword but it would have to do for the moment. She then turned to face Caspar with fierce, determined eyes. “But, first, I think you need to let go of what you’re feeling right now. So, come! I challenge you, Sir Caspar! Show me your path of the Iron Fist!”

Praise falls on the ears of the despairing like any words on the deaf. None of Fir’s words registered to Caspar until she mentioned their old, ill-fated soap escapade. However dour his present mood, that had still been a hilarious mishap, and a smile tugged at his face despite himself. “I still can’t believe it either,” he agreed. “Those guys should be working in bakeries, not soap shops.”

(Wonderful as the distraction is, it was still little more than an auditory band-aid. There was only one thing that could solve his problem now, he knew. But… Even if he managed to avoid blowing up again, even if he could be assured that his old friend wouldn’t lie to or malign him twice in one night… Would Linhardt even want to hear anything he might have to say?)

Neither of them spoke for a while - which suited Caspar just fine since he was already wondering whether he’d told Fir too much - but when she finally broke the silence, her words startled him. L- Love?! He doesn’t love Linhardt! Just where in blazes had she gotten that—

Oh. She… didn’t specify that way. Boy, he’d really overreacted there, hadn’t he? Now Caspar was glad he hadn’t been looking at her when she’d said that out of the blue, because it gave him something to hide behind as he worked to school his thoughts back to something more neutral, to reorient a heart that had surely tripped over a beat in surprise. It helped that she was still musing aloud, granting him even more time to force any tinge that might have come over his face to fade.

And as he finally turned to face her… By her assessment, it would seem that Linhardt was just as rattled by his outburst as he was. Good, the vengeful, still angry part of him sneered. He deserves it after that unprovoked accusation, after digging up everything you’d rather keep buried. Even so, a part of him still can’t help but feel bad for his old friend. Knowing that he’d done that to Linhardt, his famously unflappable and apathetic (in anything not related to Crests) old friend, hurts. (Had he… always had that power?)

But Linhardt had still wounded him right back—wounded him first, in fact—though it’s an open question now who came out of that worse. Maybe Fir was on to something when she said it wasn’t too late to mend things.

(He’d deal with that later; he knew he would. Just… not right now. Maybe not ever, something said from a defeated little corner of his mind. Please say it won’t be so.)

And then she proposed her release again—more forcefully this time, in a tone that brooked no room for quarrel. Her fiery energy caused his own to rise to match it—she’d proposed it twice now; it’d be wrong of him to refuse her again framed like this; and besides, if he held onto the sliver of cheer she’d given him with that old soap gag, maybe, just maybe, it would allow him to rebound.

(And besides, it seemed that their weapons of choice were to be whatever random tree detritus they deemed suitable. He’s had plenty worse than splinters before—this should be nothing!)

He flashed her a grin again—stronger this time, though not yet fully restored; he could still fake it until he made it, yes?—and then, pushing off from the bridge railing, scanned his surroundings for a suitable branch to match hers. “If you insist! Then here I come! Hraah!”

Predictable of him to lead with a frontal assault, imaginary axe poised for an overhead swing; but Caspar knew quite well he could take nearly any hit head-on. At this point, it was more a probing attack than one expected to deal any true damage. He’d never fought with Fir directly, so he didn’t know her fighting style just yet. How she dodged should be revealing.

(She’d said Iron Fist, but no way he’d lead with that. His fist would surely hurt more than bramble, no matter how strong she claimed she was.)

[miraculouscontent]

Have you written anything about what specifically you dislike about Gigantitan? I tried searching for it on my own, but Tumblr Is Not A Functioning Website

I haven’t talked about it much at the time of posting, so don’t worry, you didn’t miss anything.

“Gigantitan” is my least favorite episode of Miraculous from a strict watchability standpoint, being the only episode that I wanted to quit watching outright (and would’ve had I not been watching with someone else). There are episodes that have worse writing from a plot/character view, but “Gigantitan” is the only episode that I firmly believe has no value whatsoever.

[Lolliplot]

I have no problem with filler in concept. Filler can actually be very important to a show’s runtime, letting shows rake in some more views for the more high-budget episodes by filling in story gaps with fun little snippets about nothing.

But this episode isn’t fun. It’s just nothing.

Let’s start with what this episode actually offers for future plot points. Firstly, it confirms JARM (Juleka, Alix, Rose, and Mylene) being already aware of the fact that Marinette has a crush on Adrien.

We didn’t need to know this. Everyone could’ve guessed that anyone in the class already knew. If I’d skipped this episode completely and seen “Frozer”, I wouldn’t have batted an eye at JARM already knowing and making suggestions about what Marinette should do about Adrien.

The other thing this episode does is show that an akuma can switch targets, which happens later in “Zombizou” anyway. Not only that, but I don’t know how genuine this moment even is, because it’s just a “comedic” ploy to get a reaction out of Hawk Moth. I can see the result in two ways: either this is relevant because this is going to happen later (actually making this episode pointless because it’s going to happen in a later episode) or this was a one-off and no one will ever know if it was a legitimate thing or a comedic detail.

It just leaves me confused.

Point being, I don’t want to hear brags from the writing staff about how this season has “no filler” because it’s a cheap way to generate hype when all they really did was sprinkle in crumbs of establishing plot into this particular episode. If one were to ask the question, “Why couldn’t it be established that they know about Marinette’s crush in a different episode?”, the only answer would’ve been, “Because this episode would’ve been filler otherwise.”

It’s lazy. Simple as that.

[Don’t Cry Me a River]

I don’t talk about myself often on my blog, but I’ll have to say a little bit to get my point across. See, some things I’ve never mentioned about myself before are that my ears are pretty sensitive, my eyes don’t like saturated colors, and I’m easily disgusted (not amused) by gross-out humor.

Already, my next problem with this episode is obvious.

I don’t like babies. I hate them, in fact. Don’t like looking at them, don’t like holding them, and every scream feels like sharp nails being jammed into my brain. They’re gross and loud and I have no maternal instincts whatsoever.

As a baby, August has no personality. He has no traits and his shtick is “he’s a baby.” That’s literally it. He cries, he screams, he’s easily distracted, and he’s completely unintelligent.

An akumatized person isn’t even supposed to be the same exact thing as the person they akumatize, but that’s exactly what Gigantitan is; August, but with powers.

And those colors blind me. The neon pink and green are hideous. One might say that it’s the idea because Hawk Moth akumatized a baby (and those akumatized might get to pick their looks), but that doesn’t change the facts that they didn’t have to akumatize a baby and that the design is still terrible to look at even if there’s a reason for it.

And the model is disgusting. I outright gagged at the scene with Adrien’s bodyguard and the saliva and just–EUGH, EW, GROSS!!

Once the timestamp hits the point where August turns into Gigantitan, it’s nothing by baby humor for eight straight minutes.

And Hawk Moth can’t just, y'know, release the akuma, because that would end the episode.

Hawk Moth’s even been shown to be able to torment his victims to some degree to get them to do what he wants but oh no we can’t have that because it’s a baby.

Personally, I would’ve drop kicked this obnoxious little menace into the Seine like a sack of rotten potatoes.

[Character Dos and Don'ts Except It’s Actually Just Don'ts]

No one has their head on straight in this episode. No one is safe from the “Gigantitan” go-with-what-the-script-says flu.

Alya setting up this huge elaborate plan instead of focusing on Marinette’s actual problems concerning Adrien.

Rose not understanding the flower naming theme despite being rarely shown as incompetent, which is also something no one does anything about because everyone’s so hooked on using codenames.

Adrien’s bodyguard calming down out of nowhere right when the akuma shows up.

Hawk Moth not just releasing the akuma and accepting that this was a bad idea.

Adrien brushing off all of Marinette’s stuttering despite this being a thing he should be concerned about by now and instead just being like “OKAY BYE YOU SEEM STABLE TODAY”

It’s all just set up so the episode goes exactly how the show wants it to and it drives me nuts.

Alya can’t be smart and realize that codenames aren’t a good idea (given Rose’s confusion) or the plan couldn’t mess up in “hilarious” ways.

Hawk Moth can’t do anything intelligent or the episode will just fall apart.

Even just the little things, like the fact that Alix brushes off Marinette’s fear that the boys know about her crush as “nah of course not because they’re boys.” That annoys me because I don’t like the suggestion that the boys are oblivious about love just because they’re boys. This escalates further in “Glaciator” with Ivan and I’m constantly frustrated about it because there’s already a logical, actually sensible reason for JARM to know and none of the boys to: them being closer friends with Marinette and thus seeing more of her than the boys do. I don’t mind specific characters gender-stereotyping, but not when it’s the show itself doing it and imprinting that on the characters themselves to make it true.

On another note, Adrien’s bodyguard is also extra infuriating because he has to get over his rage immediately or he’d be akumatized instead of the baby, which would’ve been actually fun. I’ve said it before, but one of the worst sins an episode can commit is presenting a more fun and/or interesting idea than what they actually go with.

Heck. Adrien’s bodyguard in general is pretty inconsistent. He gets upset about everything going wrong for him, then calms down almost instantly. You’d think the latter is because he sees Adrien, but when Marinette’s talking to him, Adrien’s bodyguard starts honking rudely at them instead of letting Adrien finish a freaking conversation. This is why I hate this guy so much; he’s so inconsistent and constantly swaps between caring about Adrien’s desires and just being irritating.

And, oh boy, that ending scene. I already complained about it in “Treatment of Marinette (Season 2)”, but it drives me up a wall.

Marinette stuttering was not her fault. It was the writing’s. It’s so blatantly obvious, especially on Marinette’s second attempt where she rejects riding home with Adrien.

Yet, the episode still has her friends get annoyed with her. There just comes a point where things stop being Marinette’s fault and start being the writers tripping her up and tugging at her pigtails because “No, bad Marinette, you’re not allowed to make progress even if it’s completely in character for you at this point.”

Marinette goes through this whole plan (and I frankly don’t care if the intention was to get Adrien’s bodyguard in trouble because screw him, honestly), even stopping at one point and almost ruining everything because she wanted to help a baby, and for what?

Nothing. Marinette embarrassed herself in front of her friends, embarrassed herself in front of Adrien, and she gets teased.

I don’t have to wonder why Marinette is constantly fumbling and afraid of screwing up, because her friends and others are always teasing her for being clumsy/stuttering/etc. Alya teases her at the end and Marinette looks so embarrassed at what she’d said, but then the end card just pops up as if we’re supposed to forget about Marinette’s issues and anxiety. They go completely unaddressed and this episode is the worst example I can think of when imagining episodes that try to brush off Marinette’s problems as “you just gotta get it right this time.”

And of course, Alix makes a comment about how Marinette knowing Adrien’s schedule is “creepy.” Like, ‘k, cool, so if she does believe that, what is she gonna do about it? Confront her? Just accept it because she’s her friend and saying anything would’ve forced this episode to not happen?

The is one of the few times Marinette’s schedule (that she has only ever used for purposes of confessing/taking a confession back/tracking down Adrien for crucial reasons) has been brought up, but the show doesn’t want to dwell on it. The show doesn’t seem to want anyone its audience to think about, but it still wants to crack jokes at Marinette’s expense.

And instead of addressing Marinette’s core issues, all five of her friends just waffle around them. If this was actually fun, I probably wouldn’t mind, but with this being the unpleasant experience that it is, I feel like the glaring flaws are constantly being shoved in my face.

[Predictakillity]

This is probably the fourth-ish time I’ve said this in my blog’s lifespan, but one way to send my interest into a downward spiral is when I can predict an episode. There are exceptions, like when I see a scene or hear a particular line and go “Yes! This is probably leading up to [x]”, but most of the time, it’s negative.

And, from start to finish, I could predict this episode. After every scene that happened, I could predict what was going to happen next.

The second I saw this elaborate plan, I knew it wasn’t going to work. Even more insulting was when they threw the fantasy sequence in, because that made it even more obvious. After all, why would they show us what’s going to happen later in the episode instead of building suspense and then having us see the happy moment when it’s actually real?

Not only that, but the fantasy sequence is doubly terrible because it was some top-tier Adrienette and it’s fake. It just brings down the next Adrienette scene that follows it in whatever future episode because now they have to beat “having ice cream together” or it becomes underwhelming.

And that’s exactly what it did, because “Glaciator” was the next episode with Adrienette in it and it had the gall to set up the exact same premise without even letting them have ice cream together. It tore me up too because I knew that’s what they’d do; I knew they weren’t going to show the audience what they wanted to see because the fantasy sequence in “Gigantitan” already showed it. I wanted to be wrong and I wasn’t.

Back to “Gigantitan” itself, most of the jokes and dialog are so drawn out that it felt impossible to not know where things were going to go. They hold on jokes for way too long and everything is so in your face that things become obvious.

The second Rose started messing up the codenames, I knew she was going to be a weak link in the plan.

The moment Juleka got stuck, I knew most of them were going to have to swap jobs and be stuck doing something they weren’t good at.

The instant August appeared on screen (with spoken dialog from the mom, no less), I immediately pointed and said, “That’s who’s getting akumatized.” No amount of Adrien’s bodyguard getting annoyed fooled me because I knew it would be a red herring.

At the very first mention of August wanting a lollipop, I knew that it was going to be important to take him down when he was akumatized.

When the akuma went into August’s bracelet, I knew Hawk Moth would just run with it and wouldn’t give it up.

Even with the lucky charm, which is typically one of my favorite moments in episodes because Ladybug always gets stuck with the most random stuff, I knew what it was for before Ladybug’s Lucky Vision even went off.

And at the final moments of the episode, where Marinette wanted to just get straight to the point, I knew; I knew she wasn’t going to be able to do it. I knew this episode wasn’t going to let her have her moment. I knew her friends would get irritated with her. I knew the writing would just brush it off.

When Marinette’s friends kept asking, “Is she going to do it?”, I was pleading for them to just be quiet because it made the outcome so obvious. Everything’s obvious. When I realized that August was the next akuma victim, I knew that this episode would be nothing but baby humor and gross-out.

I hated that I knew. I didn’t want to know. With every passing minute, I kept begging–hoping–that the episode would throw me some sort of twist.

One wrench in the predictability. One instance where something wasn’t what I expected. One nanosecond where all the characters just looked at each other and went, “Hey, maybe everything that’s going on right now is actually really contrived?”

I got nothing. Once the episode was over, I got into a three hour conversation on why it was the worst thing I’d seen out of Miraculous from an enjoyability standpoint.

And every time Gigantitan shows up as an akuma again, I feel all that annoyance come right back. A full 26 episodes haven’t even passed yet since his episode and Gigantitan has shown up three times.

I hate this episode so much. I hate it because it’s a combination of nearly everything I could hate in an episode.

Character destruction.

Gross-out.

Babies.

Obviousness.

Predictability.

And worst of all, the promise–the set-up–of progress that the protagonist deserves but doesn’t get in the end despite all the garbage they’ve been through and WILL go through.

I think back to this episode and I just find myself unbelievably frustrated. In a way, I feel like I should be glad about how pointless it is. After all, its pointlessness means that I have no reason to ever go back to it.

But also, it didn’t need to exist, and those 22 minutes could’ve been spent doing literally anything else that this season desperately needed.

Instead, it’s 22 minutes of nothing.

[ellebabywrites]

All The Kings Horses - Judas Kiss

Type: Oneshot

Word Count: 1978

Author Note: I finally finished this after announcing I was going on a writing break.... well. Please, please, PLEASE give me some feedback because I need to know if I should keep with the break or not - I basically just need some reassurance because things are so quiet lately... Enjoy lovelies, hopefully this shines a new light on King’s actions throughout JK !!

Things in N.City had been quiet for some time now - at least for you that is. God knows the rest of the city had fallen into shambles, but for the most part people knew that King was the boss. The main guy. The big kahuna. Sure everyone else was at each other’s throats all the time, but nobody dared mess with King. He was a living legend in the city and people knew better than to try and challenge that. So, you’d all allowed yourselves to get comfortable in the silence.

King had grown comfortable with his makeshift family; you were all his children and he cared for each of you more deeply than anyone would ever know - or that he’d ever let them know. He knew you all like the back of his hand, which is why he noticed almost immediately when something was off between Rikky and Johnny.

Subtle glares and snide digs were nothing out of the ordinary, teasing relationships and juvenile fights were typical for your close knit group; but this was different. There was an underlying resentment between the two as they shot each other accusatory looks over the course of the evening and King didn’t like it.

“Everything okay with you and Rikky?” King asks nonchalantly when Johnny comes over to join him in the Kitchen, “Things seem frosty.”

King watches carefully as Johnny pours himself a glass of water and avoids eye contact - something was definitely up.

“I’m not sure…” Johnny confesses, keeping his eyes trained on Rikky in the other room, watching as he play wrestled with you for the Tv controller, “I have a hunch, I’m keeping an eye on it.” With that, Johnny finally turns to King with a strained smile and heads back over to the rest of you.

It was unusual to say the least; but if Johnny was concerned about something then King would pay attention. He had brought Rikky into the crew, given him a home, welcomed him into the family - he trusts him. But he also trusts Johnny. He trusts his judgement and if he thinks something is wrong, then King was going to pay attention.

---

It took all the strength King could muster to get him to take those steps towards you. The pouring rain clouded his vision, leaving your sunken figure a blurry image in front of him. He could hear in your voice when you had called just how broken you were, it scared him. Scared him so much that he almost didn’t want to come, he didn’t want to see what had ripped into your heart and left you kneeling in the pouring rain. Right now, seeing you curled over Johnny’s limp body, rocking back and forth and whispering pleas for him to wake up - King wishes he’d stayed back.

Does that make him a coward? To want to run and hide and leave the rest of you to deal with the fall out of whatever horrors had struck? Maybe… maybe that’s all he was deep down, just a coward with a tough reputation and a stare that could break a man. Even with all the evil, harsh, bloody things King had done in his long and miserable life; never had he felt the kind of pain he feels now, looking down at the pair of you. Johnny and you are his children; the first people he decided to let into his family; the first people he let into his heart. He had saved you, raised you and in the end, broken you - he was the one that brought you both into this life after all.

The sound of your sobs echo in the empty streets. The grey sky and heavy downpour of rain makes the scene in front of him blur together like an abstract painting of tragedy. Each passing second King can feel pieces of his heart being chipped away. One piece washes away with the blood from Johnny’s lifeless body; another with the flow of tears down your cheeks; each scream as Ty pulls you away claims another shard.

It doesn’t make sense. None of the other gangs had any reason to attack like this; no one had any problems, and if they did, they would have spoken to King first. How did this happen? Why did it happen?

Johnny.

He mentioned something was wrong. He had suspicions. Looking back, King watches as Rikky stands motionless a few feet from the scene. His expression void, not a single tear stains his face, he barely makes an effort to move at all.

King feels something in his gut drop at the thought. Could Rikky have really done this? Hurt Johnny… Kill Johnny. Why? What had made Johnny suspicious of him before and was it really worth killing over? King had brought Rikky onto the team and if he had anything to with this, he would never be able to forgive himself.

---

At this point King is almost certain of Rikky’s involvement in Johnny’s death. After doing some digging and getting intel from reliable sources; King was finally starting to figure out just who Rikky really was. But now there was Mark.

An innocent looking, wide-eyed kid without an evil bone in his body. He put his life on the line to protect Y/N on a whim, when anyone else in N.City would have looked the other way. Another innocent soul set up for Rikky to slaughter. King would never want to make him go back alone, Bangtan would have his throat in seconds, but he also didn’t want there to be someone else that Rikky could hurt. He can’t ignore the sacrifice Mark made for Y/N; his whole life was now at risk. We protect our own. Mark was one of you now and King couldn’t; wouldn’t; leave him. It was just another person he needed to protect, even if it ended up being the last thing he did.

---

The loud ringing of alarms blaring through the firehouse is what startles King awake. The sound of you all shouting and fussing in the main room is what sets the alarm bells off in King’s mind. The firehouse is supposed to be impenetrable. The fact that Rikky had somehow managed to trick the systems and remain undetected is a frightening enough thought for King to shut down; go into ‘boss mode’; devoid himself of all emotions to keep you all safe. He needed to act fast.

There still wasn’t any clear reason as to why Rikky would turn against you all like this, why he would kill Johnny… All King knows for sure is that Rikky is dangerous, and with how quickly he seems to be attacking, there aren’t any signs he’ll stop.

---

How did he get here yet again? Standing in front of you, watching the tears run down your face as you beg him for a reaction. He can’t. God how he wishes he could. With Ty gone, the only way King was going to beat Rikky was if he was at the top of his game - meaning he was as hard and ruthless as ever.

He could try and get you to leave, but he knows you wouldn’t leave without Ty. Inside he’s panicking, you’re not safe, Mark isn’t safe, Ty isn’t safe - and this whole time Rikky is right there beside you, pointing the finger at him.

“Get out of the city Y/N. Take Mark and run.” He takes a step closer, reaching out his hands for you, but you step back, “Run as fast and as far as you can. Please love…”

“Don’t call me that,”

“..Y/N, I’m begging you. Leave N.City.”

“Ty is missing. God knows where Rikky went. Unlike you, I won’t abandon my family.”

—-

Out of all the people in the world, Walt is the only one King would let his guard down with. He could sit and tell him everything and know there would be no judgements…. Well, none that King would take to heart.

Walt’s is as good as empty; there was the odd customer coming in to pick up a donut to go or two; but other than that it was just Walt and King. Sitting opposite each other in the usual corner booth, mulling over the events of the last few weeks.

“I found Rikky funnelling money out of one of my accounts,” King explains, feeling a rush of catharsis finally being able to talk about it all with someone, “He’s been messing with the clubs, handing over assets and suppliers to Bangtan under the table… He was right there in front of me this entire time.”

Walt watches his friend with heavy sorrow as King throws his head in his hands, trying to discreetly wipe away the tears that slipped through his lashes.

“I’m worried about the kids. I don’t even know if Ty’s alive. I tried to get Y/N to leave the city but of course she won’t go without the others, without Ty. What if he hurts her Walt? What if he does to her what he did to Johnny? What if I really can’t protect them from this? What if…”

“Stop that right now!” Walt interrupts, “You need to fight King! You’ve never backed down to anyone who was threatening your family before, and you’re sure as hell not going to start now with some arrogant, cocoa-drinking jackass!” With that, King finally finds it in himself to look up at his old friend. “Take care of your family King! Y/N and Mark are strong kids and Ty, Ty’s a fighter...literally. They need you to be there to lead them.” Reaching out, Walt places a reassuring pat on King’s shoulder, looking him in the eye, “So go and lead them.”

---

The next day King got a tip from one of his allies about Ty, taking off immediately to try and find him before Rikky and Bangtan could do anything more. Sneaking in through a back door, King makes his way through the warehouse, careful not to make any noise that could alert someone to his presence.

King had no idea that when he pushed his way through the last door, he’d be faced with Ty’s hanging and broken body. The sight enough to make him gag on the spot. Ty, his friend; his family; hanging lifeless bloody broken like the puppet Rikky had turned him into.

Somewhere in the distance the sound of gunfire echoes, drilling into King’s brain and warning him that there’s not much time left. He can’t get Ty down on his own, not without ripping his flesh open and King could never get himself to do that.

Behind him, King hears the door behind him slide open and instinctively moves for his gun. Turning with the barrel raised, aimed at whomever had walked in behind him. He didn’t expect to see you and Mark, standing frozen at the sight of him next to Ty’s hanging body.

“Oh my god…” Mark whispers behind you as he continues to looks at the mangled body of Ty next to King. Instinctively, he reaches out for your arm and pulls you behind him protectively.

“What have you done!” you scream, unable to keep it in.

There’s no time for him to explain. No explanation that could ease the hurt looks of betrayal on your faces. Tears fill his eyes and his hands begin to shake as King tries to find the words, but he never gets them passed his lips.

He sees Rikky walking up slowly behind the two of you; he watches the smirk spread across his face as the scene unfolds in front of him. The subtle wink he sends his former saviour across the final stage of his big production. Rikky has won. King couldn’t save you. It’s over.

[the-walking-memelords]

Allegiances: Chapter 9

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 |Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 10

Series is rated M

Word Count: 4019

The day of reckoning has arrived and Clementine decides to spend her last day of peace with her friends.

Read it on Ao3!

Read it on Wattpad!

It’s almost time.

Her last day of peace. Once the sun set, all hell would break loose.

Might as well enjoy it.

The fall breeze played with her hair as she stepped out into the sunlight. The sun may be cheerful but gloom hung on the wind, infecting even the most optimistic member of the group.

“I have other stuff I need to do.” Louis argued with Violet at the entrance of the admin building.

“What stuff?” The blonde retorted, crossing her arms.

“Nothing, it’s just… it’s important.”

“Goddammit, Louis. Take this seriously for once in your life.” The argument grew more heated as Vi refused to back down.

“I’ve been taking this seriously for fucking days! Over a week!”

“So has everyone. Get over yourself.” Violet growled at the boy.

She watched Louis stomp away from Violet, his dreads swung in front of his face as he walked right past her. Deciding to give him some space, she went to get some answers from Violet.

“Hey.” Clementine caught the blonde’s attention.

“What’s going on?”

“We still got shit to do but Louis would rather goof off or whatever the hell he’s doing than help.” Violet let out a heavy sigh as she crossed her arms.

“He’s always been like this, finding every excuse to do as little work as possible and it’s fucking frustrating.”

“Do you want me to talk to him?” Clementine anxiously scraped a rock back and forth beneath her boot.

“Yeah, he seems to listen to you at least.” Her angry expression changed to an apologetic one once the words left her mouth.

“Sorry, I- uh… shit. I just want to make sure we’re ready. If you’re right and they find us… I don’t want to lose anyone else to those bastards.” Her voice caught in her throat. The stress of keeping everyone together was evident in the bags under her eyes.

“I’m not going to let that happen, Vi.” Clem assured her, determination in her tone.

“If those fuckers try to get at anyone in this school they’ll have to kill me first.”

“That’s one of the things I’m afraid of.” She confessed.

“I don’t want you to get hurt either, Clem. You’ve dealt with a lot of bullshit the last couple weeks but you never ditched us. You could’ve just left. You could’ve kept running from the war but instead, you stayed to help us. I don’t think I ever thanked you for that.”

“You don’t need to thank me for staying.”

Please don’t thank me for staying.

Those words caused an all too familiar feeling in her heart.

“I don’t want to go back to the way things used to be. It was killing me. I’m not sure how much longer I could have gone on.” A heart so empty of life it felt like it sometimes forgot to beat.

“I’ve never been in a group like this before. A real family.”

“You’re a part of that family too. We all care about you.” She smiled somewhere over Clem’s shoulder.

“But I think there’s someone who cares about you more than the rest.”

She followed Vi’s look to see Louis at the archery target. Brow furrowed as each arrow missed the wooden circle completely, sticking out of the dirt below it.

Clementine’s cheeks turned pink when she realized what Violet was suggesting. She opened her mouth, prepared to deny it all… but something was different. Her heart skipped a beat and for once, it wasn't out of fear. It was… hope.

“...Do you really think so?” She gave a nervous laugh as a smile tugged at her lips.

“Ah, so you do like him back.” Violet teased as she poked the blushing girl’s arm.

“Shut up.” She almost whined, her face growing warmer after revealing her secret, but inside herself, there was no denying how she felt about Louis.

He needs to know.

I want him to know.

“Ugh, it’s so cute I’m going to puke.” She joked, making a fake gagging noise.

“Marlon and Omar are out at the greenhouse and Aasim and Willy are working out some trap ideas so I guess I’ll go board up the back hallway since Louis isn’t going to do it. Can you see how the others are doing?”

��Sure.” She looked back towards Louis again.

“Don’t spend all your time on him, okay? I want to know if everyone has their shit together.” Violet wasn’t about to pass up an opportunity to privately tease her friend about her little crush.

“Go get him, tiger.”

“Violet, I swear to god.” Her face burned with embarrassment.

Violet held her hands up, smirk unfading as she backed into the admin building.

Clementine let out a groan as she pondered if that was a good idea or not. Looking over at Louis, still struggling with archery, she decided to find someone else before facing him.

According to Ruby and Brody, there was a lot of walker activity not far outside the walls than usual. It made hunting more difficult but maybe the dead would help keep Lilly at bay just a little. Mitch’s test bomb refused to go off meaning he would need as much time as he could get to figure it out.

The yard already looked like a war zone. Flipped tables creating barriers and narrow paths from the gate to the admin building. The rotten eyes of the decapitated walkers heads decorated pikes all around. Crudely painted banners and graffiti with messages such as “Leave or Die!” and “Fuck Raiders” among their other more decorative features were hopefully enough to at least make them look like more than a bunch of kids with sticks going up against a bunch of adults with guns.

“Hey, Clem.” a small voice came from behind her.

“What’s up, Tenn.” She greeted the excited boy.

“I wanna show you something!” He grinned ear to ear as he lead Clem by her hand to another one of the few unflipped tables in a shady spot in the yard. A few pencils were strewn across the boards surrounding a single piece of lined paper.

“Since you’re helping protect us from the bad people, I wanted to make you something, as a thank you.” The boy eagerly handed the page to her.

Clementine studied the little graphite figures, recognizing each member of the school standing in front of what appeared to be the admin building. The short girl with poofy curls standing in the middle appeared to be her, bow in hand with a proud smile.

Aw.

“It’s beautiful, Tenn.” A similar smile as depicted in the drawing spread across her face as she carefully folded it up into her pocket.

“I’ll keep it safe.”

The boy was pleased with Clem’s reaction. The grin on his face reminded her of AJ whenever he gifted her one of his masterpieces. Her blue cap loose on his head as he adjusted it constantly as he eagerly showed her the scribbled figures of the people he encountered in the Delta. Some she could kind of recognize, others were strangers. Her little boy gifted her many of his drawings. Clementine wished she had been allowed to keep them.

“I know a little boy like you. A lot younger, but he loves to draw, too.”

These two would be great friends.

“You do?” Confusion crossed his features.

“Where is he?”

“He’s… gone.” She took a deep breath, her smile becoming partially forced.

“But I’m going to see him again, one day.”

I will.

I will.

I promise.

“My sisters are gone, too, but I don’t like to think about it like that. I like to think about where they would be now.” His words caught her a little off guard.

“Sophie was really good at making stuff. She would build a place big enough for all of us and paint it too, and Minerva would be singing would be singing whatever new song she’d wrote.”

“Heh. That does seem like a nice way to think about it.” Her and AJ living free was all she could ever hope for.

Tennessee went back to his drawings as Clem thought about what it could be like if she really brought AJ to the school.

Clementine pictured what the school might be like on a nice summer day.

Relaxing on the couch under the sun, taking in the sweet breeze as she listened to the squeals and laughs of the AJ, Tenn, and Willy as they ran around in whatever game of make-believe they’d concocted. The others smiling and nodding whenever they passed by during their daily duties. She’d smile and wave back, resting her head on Louis’ shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her.

We could be happy here.

“Goddammit!” Louis exclaimed, swinging his bow in frustration as he plucked the arrows out of the dirt.

“Are you alright?”She asked. He glanced over with a small momentary smile before falling back into his downcast look.

“In a couple of months, or weeks, or days, or hours we’re going to be caught in the middle of a war we have nothing to with and a bunch of raiders are going come, burn down our home and steal or kill us.” He looked back down at the bow in his hand, biting his lip.

“And then It won't matter how much I sucked at this.”

“The raiders aren't going to burn anything or steal anyone.” It was disheartening to hear him on the verge of giving up.

“I’m not going to let that happen.”

“You sound like a one-woman army. Like you’re going to take them all down single-handedly.” He joked.

“Not that I’m doubting you could or anything. You are a certified badass after all.”

“Well, I have walked through many herds of walkers and come out unscathed.” She blushed at his praise.

“What’s a couple of asshole’s with guns, right?”

“Deadheads don’t shoot back.” He said flatly, not joining in on her joke.

“I’ve dealt with people who do, Louis.” Clementine pulled back the collar of her jacket, revealing the round scar where a bullet had torn right through her shoulder. He stared at it almost in horror.

“I was eleven when that happened. Haven’t been shot since.”

Well, not really.

But grazes don’t count!

“The fact that that might change soon is what terrifies me.” He leaned against the back of the couch.

“I want to be able to protect you, Clem. If something happened to you because of me… like at the hardware store…”

“Louis, what happened at the hardware store wasn’t your fault. Not to mention, you saved my life that day.” The look of pure rage on his face when he slammed Chairles into the head of that stranger was something she never expected from this soft boy.

“I… I’ve never killed someone before. I know that guy didn’t die… probably… but it’s the closest I’ve ever gotten.” His freckled face was scrunched in frustration.

“What if I need to when the fight comes and I can’t. If you got hurt or worse because I couldn’t kill someone… I-I can’t carry that for the rest of my life.”

Clementine’s heart ached as she saw him like this. Anguish in his watery eyes. Words on his lips he seemed to be biting back.

“I’m not going anywhere, okay? I believe in you. So believe me until you believe yourself, alright?”

“Easier said than done.” The light chuckle he produced didn’t feel genuine in the slightest.

Loud shouting sounded from the admin building startling the two. Louis squeezed her hand one more time before they wordlessly went to investigate. “Because you’re boring and your idea is stupid!” Willy yelled at a beyond frustrated Aasim. “Oh, I’m being stupid? You’re the one who can’t think straight. If you could hear yourself-” “Guys, what the fuck?” Violet stormed out of the admin building behind the arguing pair. “We were trying to work on the traps together but Aasim won't listen to anything I say!” The boy continued to raise his voice. “That doesn’t mean you have to scream at each other.” Louis crossed his arms. “I had the idea to use duffle bags full of bricks to drop on the raiders if they made it into the admin building.” Aasim explained. “But Willy here wants to use a giant idiotic swinging log to take out one raider at most.” Both boys looked to Clementine for a solution. “If we rig a bunch of duffel bags like mines above the stairwell they’ll have a hard time getting past without getting crushed.” She decided. “Practical, discrete, and deadly. That's what we go with.” “Mine’s all that too!” The young boy pleaded. “No, it isn’t.” Aasim continued to go after him. “It’s exactly something a child would come up with!” A swift punch to the gut to Aasim shocked the group as Willy quickly ran away inside. The boy groaned in pain and mumbled curses under his breath as he took a seat by the fire away from the others. “Great.” Violet growled. “We’ll all kill each other before the raiders get a fucking chance.”

“I have an idea on how to release some of the tension ‘round here.” The two of them plus Tennessee followed Louis to join their brooding friend by the fire. Here we go. “Hey, buuuddy, how’s it hangin’?” Louis greeted with a wide grin as everyone took their seats. “Dude, fuck off.” Aasim brushed him off. “Sulking in the corner isn’t going to help us fight off the raiders, or turn that frown upside down.” The freckled boy juggled his box of cards from hand to hand. “You get more annoying every day.” “Regardless, I’ve come up with a plan to make everyone feel better.” “What are we playing tonight, Lou?” The mullet-wearing boy asked. “Truth or Dare!” “You don’t use cards in Truth or Dare.” Violet pointed out. “You do in this version. High card asks, low card answers.” Louis insisted as he dealt a pile to each player, squinting suspiciously when he noticed Aasim glancing somewhere else. “If you want to ask Ruby to join, I don’t mind waiting.” Oh shit. “Shut up dude!” He panicked as Louis revealed his little secret. “I swear to God.” “You’ve got a crush on Ruby?” Violet teased the poor boy.

Aasim’s little crush became a running joke for the first half of the game, including a cruel dare from Clementine herself involving Aasim asking his dear, sweet Ruby for a kiss. A request that ended with him being promptly slapped in the face, sending the group of teens howling with laughter.

“I got this.” Louis said confidently as he drew the high card against Clementine.

“We’ve been pretty hard on poor Aasim here, teasing him about sweet Ruby. I think it’s time for us to mercilessly tease someone else about unrequited love.”

I don’t like where this is going.

“So.. Clem.”

Shit.

“Anyone here you… like-like?” Clementine didn’t know what was worse. The question, or the fact that Louis was the one asking. Her face began to feel warm and she prayed the others couldn’t tell how red it was in the dim evening light.

“Like-like? What are you, six?” Violet’s comment gave her a few extra seconds to think up a response.

“Seven, thank you.”

“I... uh.” Clem mumbled flusteredly.

Fuck it.

“Yeah.” She confessed, her face blushing more.

“I’ve definitely got feelings for someone.”

“Ha! Who is it?” Louis asked over excitedly.

“Not telling.”

Violet smiled at Clem with a knowing look, who in returned glared daggers at her.

“One more round.” Louis declared, his grin didn’t fade as everyone drew their next cards.

“Aasim! You’ve got the high card. And the loser is… Tennessee.”

“What’s something you never told anyone because you were afraid they’d make fun of you?” Aasim’s question made the nervous boy seem a little relieved that it wasn’t something worse.

“I think… I think walkers won’t always be around. They’ll go away someday.” The boy said hesitantly.

“The world goes in cycles, right? Stone age, Ice age, some other ages… So someday this age will end, and a new one will start.”

The group sat in silence for a moment, pondering Tenn’s perspective.

An age without walkers, like it used to be.

Such a world seemed like a lifetime ago, almost unreal. A world AJ had never known.

“Why is everyone looking at me like that?” The poor boy seemed to regret his words.

“Did I ruin the game?”

“I think that’s beautiful, Tenn.” Clementine assured him, sharing a warm smile.

“I never thought about it like that.”

“I think that feels like a good place to call it.” Louis collected his cards as everyone stood.

“We should finish our work, anyways. It’s getting dark.” Violet stretched as she stood.

“I’m going up to the bell tower to check our defences from up high. You can come with if you want, Clem.”

“Or you can hang out with me instead.” Louis poked her shoulder.

“There’s something I’ve been working on for a while and I want your opinion on it.”

Violet rolled her eyes and waved as she left the two alone.

Sorry, Vi.

---

“Is this another ‘Vacation?’” Clementine asked as they entered the mostly dark music room, a few candles casting a golden glow over the grand piano.

“Almost. Kinda. Sorta.” He laughed nervously as he leaned against his prized instrument.

“I want to show you something, but I need your help first.”

“Help? With what?”

Louis reached behind him, picking a specific key and pressing on it. The sound it made was far from melodic.

“Sounds awful, right? All we need to do is tune it.” He smirked.

“That’s why I need you.”

“You realize I know nothing about pianos, right?” How did he expect her to help?

“It’s easy, just take a seat and I’ll tell you what to do.”

She ran her fingers lightly over the smooth keys as she sat at the bench. There were so many. It was a mystery to her how Louis could know the sound each identical key made.

“Now press the A key.” He told her as he fiddled with the strings.

“Uh, which one’s the A key?”

“Y’know, the A key, next to the B key, after the G key.” He tilted his head as he pointed out each one. She pressed down on the key producing an off-tune note.

“Great! Now press the peddles while I make some more adjustments.”

Clementine followed his steps hoping she was actually helping.

At least he seems to know what he’s doing.

“Alright, now one more thing.” He stated.

“Blow on the strings.”

I stand corrected.

“It sound’s weird, I know.” He must have caught the suspicious look on her face.

“Cooling the temperature helps set them in harmony.”

Clementine stood reluctantly as she leaned over the body of the piano, blowing on the lines of piano wire before shooting him a glare.

“Great! That did nothing because that’s not at all part of how you tune a piano.”

I fucking knew it.

“But it was funny!” He laughed, his winning smile making her heart jump as always.

“I could have done something on like a molecular level, or maybe, it’s good luck to blow on strings.” He pressed down on the newly-tuned key, seeming satisfied with the noise.

“Okay okay, you got me.” Clementine couldn't help but laugh out loud as she scooted over, allowing him to sit next to her. There was a fluttery feeling inside of her chest as they sat so close on the short bench.

“It’s good to see you like this.” He said softly before turning his attention to the piano.

His fingers love elegantly across the keys. Playing a soft yet emotional tune. Louis seemed to become lost in the music, spilling his heart into the air with every note.

“What are you playing? -And don’t say ‘a piano.’”

“A song… that I wrote.”

He wrote this?

“What’s it called?”

It’s beautiful.

“I don’t know yet.” He shrugged, finishing off the last few notes

“There. First time played. We should mark the occasion!”

Louis pulled his knife out of his coat, carving an L into the wood before offering it to her. She carefully added her own initial to the left of his, also carving a little plus in between.

C+L

Clementine and Louis

“Are you done tattooing that piano?” He was only joking, but she wasn’t done yet. Something was missing here.

Clementine continued to cut into the wood. Her heart began to beat rapidly as she almost felt unsure of her bold and permanent move. Louis watched her movements in confusion before it began to dawn on him what she had drawn.

“Oh, uh… that’s a… that’s a potato?”

Really? That’s your first guess?

“It’s a heart! Yep, I see it’s a heart.” His face grew red as he tried to laugh off his mistake.

“That’s… super cool. Really cool.”

Clementine rolled her eyes playfully as her cheeks grew warm. Her hands nervously played with one of the buttons at the bottom of her coat.

“Hey, uh. I’m about to dig myself into a deep hole from which I’ll never emerge. Cool? Cool.” He loudly took a deep breath.

“Time to get serious.”

“Serious? Wow. Are you feeling okay?”

“Not really, nope. Mm mm.”

Clementine began to worry once more. It was clear that this was a side of him he never let any of the others see. The brave face falls and his smile drops revealing the struggling boy underneath. The people here have known him forever, longer than she probably ever would and they still failed to see through his facade.

“Thanks… for being here. Listening. Blowing on the strings. Coming to help me with my project even though you probably have way more important things to do, and… for everything I’ve had to work through, for myself.” He rested his hand on the bench beside her, their fingers barely touching.

“Everyone hears the jokes, the piano… and then they stop listening. But you didn’t.”

Clementine’s heart thumped loudly in her ears as she stared into his eyes. She didn’t want to wait any longer, her heart might collapse otherwise.

I have to tell him while I still have the chance.

“Louis I…” Her mind drew blank, all the words she had planned to say became caught in her throat. He looked at her expectantly with worry in his eyes as she struggled to say anything.

Clementine gave up on words. Looking into his eyes she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his. Louis tensed up for a moment in shock before melting into the kiss, lightly cupping her face with his hands as she slid one of her own to the back of his neck. Slowly, they broke away, pressing their foreheads together as they peered into each other's eyes.

I can’t believe I just did that.

“I think that saves me the trouble of actually asking you out.” He smirked.

“Which is good, ‘cause I was a little worried you’d stab me if I tried.”

Clementine buried her face into the collar of Louis’ jacket as a fit of giggles overtook her. A little lightheaded with giddiness, she wrapped her arms around his neck and sunk into the warm fluff of his jacket.

“I know what to call the song.” he said as she sat up, their hands locked tightly together.

“‘Clementine.’ Y’know, cuz I like fruit, and I like you even more so… there.”

“You are such a weirdo.” Clem giggled, shaking her head.

“Yeah? Well, apparently you dig that. So who’s the weird one now?” He teased.

“It’s both of us.”

Clementine’s response to that was cut off by the frantic calling of her name.

“Clementine? Clementine?!” Ruby’s panicked voice sounded from down the hall, finding them in the music room just as Clem and Louis stood from the piano.

“Ruby! What’s going on?” She asked, but she already knew the answer.

“There’s someone outside!”

[davidbuddbg]

Chapter 4: What if it’s worth it?

I kept my eyes closed as he walked back into his room, completely oblivious to the fact that I had just caught him red-handed. I heard his front door open and close. Curiosity getting the best of me, I tiptoed to my door and partially opened it, making as little noise as possible so that no one would notice what was going on.

I heard footsteps and then a conservation ensured, between David and some other man. I shut my eyes tightly, hoping that would help me hear better. Was that the man Dave had been spying in on just moments ago, in Julia’s room? I couldn’t make out everything, but Dave was insistent at finding out his name: Richard Longcross and I had no idea who that was. So, Dave was hiding things from me. So was Julia. And I wasn’t even sure I was in any of their sides.

Still lost in my thoughts, I heard footsteps again, David was heading back to his room. “Shit,” I cursed under my breath, tiptoeing back to bed. I had just managed to lie down again when Dave entered my room and made his way to the bed. He put his cold hand on my cheek and I had to resist pulling back. His thumbs then started drawing circles on my skin and I had to fake waking up just now.

“Morning Dave.” I fake yawned, stretching out my hands and making David grin in the process.

“Morning love,” he whispered before placing a kiss on my forehead. Still inches away from my face, he spoke again and I shivered. “Sorry for yesterday, love. I wasn’t myself.” Dave apologized and I wasn’t sure I could differentiate his lies from his rate truths.

“Don’t worry, babe,” I reassured him, getting up and at the same time, putting some distance between us. “It’s all forgotten,” I lied.

Daisy, the driver, drove us to King’s College Law School where I was to meet my thesis advisor. Dave and another Police officer stayed three steps behind me at all times and it was driving me mad. I couldn’t decide whether I was scared of us or aroused by him, maybe both?

I turned left, heading to the wing the professor’s offices were located in when I saw Sara walking in my direction. “Oh fuck,” I groaned as softly as I could manage, hoping no one had heard me. As soon as she spotted me, she came to greet me.

“Oh hi, Alma,” Sara chirped, balancing her cup of tea and the phone in the same hand, before kissing my cheeks. “About the other night, I’m sorry,” she mentioned immediately, apologizing as soon as she remembered our argument.

“Don’t, don’t apologize, Sara,” I implored, before lowering my voice further. “Maybe you were right, actually,” I admitted in a whisper.

She nodded understandingly before leaning forward and speaking into my ear. “Why is he standing behind you with a police officer?” Sara questioned, her brows furrowed.

“Because he’s actually my bodyguard,” I confessed. There was no point in lying anyway.

I was running out of time before my appointment so I promised to call her as soon as I got home in the evening, and explain everything. After all, she had been my friend for as long as I could remember even though we weren’t too intimate.

Dave and the Police officer waited in the hall while Professor Hartley received me in his office. To summarize, he was pleased with my work but I wasn’t going as fast as he wished. “Professor, I apologize for that. Things have been quite hectic in my internship recently, and it’s becoming somewhat trickier finding time for both.” Maybe I’d have more time for writing if I stopped fucking my bodyguard every night, I thought to myself sarcastically.

“About that,” Hartley said, drawling out the words while repositioning his glasses. “I believe it would be for the best if you dropped it, Miss Guinness. It seems to me that the situation is becoming somewhat dangerous at the Home Security Office and an internship isn’t worth putting yourself in danger.” He was right, of course he was, Hartley was always right in my experience but it wasn’t just about the money and the work experience now. It was about the lies and the secrets. In the end, we just agreed to disagree.

Exiting his office, both men started following me around again and our steps echoed in the high walls of the halls. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was having a panic attack. “I’m going to the loo,” I announced out of the blue as we passed through the ladies’ room.

Dave entered the room before me, making sure everything was safe and I then followed him in, but he didn’t leave. Instead, he locked the door behind ourselves. Trembling, I walked over to the sink and closed my eyes, splashed some fresh water onto my face, efficiently ruining my make-up. Then I felt Dave’s hand on my neck, brushing back my hair and it ran shivers through my spine. I was still panting heavily and his proximity wasn’t helping, either because I was scared of him or attracted to him.

“Are you okay, love?” Dave inquired, staring at my reflection in the mirror. His concern sounded real. Was it?

Years ago, when I was no older than eight or ten, I realized the woman who looked after me and my cousin while my parents weren’t there, was plotting against us, wanting to kidnap us and ask for a ransom. I tried to push the thoughts to the back of my mind, telling myself I was crazy and stupid. After all, the woman had been taking care of us since I was born, why would she suddenly turn on us? In the end, it turned out I was right all along and the plan had been in the making since the very beginning. The only difference between then and now, was that I never liked her and now, I was most likely falling in love with him.

“Yes, David, thank you. I’m okay,” I jabbered and was walking back to the door when he caught my arm and pulled me to his torso. Dave kissed me and I kissed him even though my head was screaming not to.

We had been locked in there for too long and things would be getting suspicious if we stayed any longer. “Hold that thought, love,” David mouthed before he unlocked the door and we put on our façade again.

Now back at the Homeland Security HQ, Dave left, not telling me where he was going and I didn’t ask. If anything, I was relieved. But then I started wondering what he was doing? Recounting what he had heard to someone? His accomplices? Or maybe even his boss? There were just too many questions wandering around in my head and it became even worse when Julia held a new security meeting, this time without Sampson. So, she was in on it too?

Later that day, Dave and I found ourselves alone in the elevator again. We didn’t small talk, somehow that felt bizarre. And then Dave broke the silence. “Do you want me to come to your room later?” He asked, looking straight ahead and somehow it seemed his Scottish accent has grown even stronger.

“Maybe later I’ll give you knock,” I answered, misleading him. “I have things I need to work on before.”

“I’m some room service again, huh?” He spat out, accusingly. I wanted to reply but it was too late, the doors opened onto our floor.

As soon as I was inside my room, I walked to the connecting door to lock it. Julia had handed me a tablet just before I left the office. She told me there was some sensitive material in there and she couldn’t trust to leave it in her room.  

As I sat down on the desk, in front of a blank Word document. My thoughts were on the tablet. My curiosity getting the best of me, I took it from my handbag and turned it on. Of course, it was locked with a password. That’s why she trusted me with it, I thought bitterly.

I should know better by now but still, I called James. Before doing law, he wanted to be a professional hacker. His parents didn’t allow him but it didn’t stop his passion. Minutes into our phone call, I had various cables plugged into the tablet and my laptop which James was controlling from a distance. “Thank you, James. I’ll make it up to you,” I promised before hanging up.

Those wore compromising documents on the Prime Minister. Sexual offenses committed years ago. Julia was indeed making her move to 10 Downing Street, and I now understood why she had handed me her tablet. She wasn’t here at the Hotel, she was at the Chequers and she didn’t dare taking the tablet with her nor leaving it in her room.

A couple of hours later, my eyes were too tired to focus on a screen any further. I hid the tablet between my textbooks and sighed. I was no closer to finding out what was going on, and frankly, I didn’t think I wanted to anymore. As Anatole France once said, “ l’ignorance est la condition nécessaire du bonheur ” and in all honesty, I could deal with some happiness right now.

I made my way to the connecting door and opened it even though I had promised myself I wouldn’t only a few hours ago. Dave’s room was empty, but I heard the water running in the shower. Without making a noise, I walked up to the bathroom and observed him for a few seconds, leaning against the door frame. He was beautiful and not even the scars could take that away from him.

Without giving it any further thought, I got undressed in complete silence before tiptoeing to join him in the shower. “What are you-” Dave asked, his face full of confusion but I didn’t let him finish his sentence as I pulled him down by the shoulders so I could kiss his wet lips. If this was how lies tasted, maybe it wasn’t so bad after all. I broke our kiss so we could catch some air but we remained close, our bodies touching and I knew I had gotten him worked up through a single kiss. I licked my lips before purring into his ear. “If you do consider yourself room service,” I respired sensually, “then at least, I should get to taste you.”

He still looked puzzled when I slid down to my knees in front of him and then he finally got the picture. “Love, you don’t need to do this,” he protested, declining my offer but I knew it was half-hearted.

As soon as my tongue touched his manhood, he let oud a loud moan before grabbing the glass wall for support. And then, when my mouth engulfed him, he pushed himself further in, making me gag. I couldn’t breathe, but I wasn’t certain I even wanted to.

That night we went over the rest of condoms I had managed to take from my flat, and when we finally called it a night, Dave fell asleep in his bed within seconds. I waited until his soft snoring picked up to grab his phone from the nightstand. Tiptoeing for the umpteenth time in twenty-four hours, I took the device with me to my bedroom. The tablet has been difficult to get in, but his phone was just too easy. Using the moon as the only source of light, I found out the 4-digit code through the grease marks on the screen. I knew I didn’t have time to go over it, so I copied the contents into my laptop, just how James had explained to me hours before.

Dave was still asleep when I joined him in bed again and I set his phone down on the nightstand. Having done what I wanted to do, I let myself drift off, entirely forgetting about the tablet and the unclosed door to my room.

---------

Today was a big day. The RIPA-18 had just passed the third reading in the House of Commons, which meant that the only obstacle left was the House of Lords. Today, I was also accompanying Julia to St Matthew’s College for her speech on the RIPA-18.

Julia had already left the House of Commons but I had stayed back to use the loo. Exiting that room, I saw Robert in deep talk with Tahir and immediately knew something wasn’t right. They never spoke. In fact, they probably hated each other as much as Chanel and I.

Dave followed me to the car before opening the door. The ride was silent, not even Daisy said anything. I suppose everyone was exhausted. At least, I knew I was. Arriving at St Matthew’s just behind Julia’s car, I heard the protestors before I could even see them. Dave cursed under his breath before talking on the radio. I knew the RIPA-18 was controversial but screams were always something that made me panic, no matter the context.

The cars stopped in front of the building and the protestors kept throwing eggs at us as we made our way inside. Luckily enough, they didn’t catch me but I did feel quite sorry for Kim. Now inside, the noise was easier to tolerate but even the doors couldn’t keep out the screams entirely. Julia introduced herself to the various deans before we were led to the green room. Just as I was about to leave her in there, she called my name.

“Yes?” I asked, moving back from the door and turning to face her. She was sitting on the sofa, her legs crossed and she appeared quite uneasy. With a small gesture of her hand, she indicated for me to take a seat and so I did.

“Alma,” she spoke and her voice faltered, before coughing into her hand as if she was embarrassed. “I haven’t been entirely honest with you,” she admitted and for a second, I thought she would tell me about the documents inside the tablet. “I’ve enjoyed having you around these past few weeks,” she confessed.

“Likewise, Julia,” I nodded, not liking where this conversation was going.

“I’ve never had children, Alma,” she continued, not making eye-contact. “But when I attended university, long before I even met Roger, I got pregnant.” She said, her voice cracking. “I had a miscarriage before I could even decide what do.”

“I’m very sorry for your loss, Julia,” I chimed in, but she wasn’t finished.

“She would have been your age now, and I like to imagine she would have turned out like you, Alma,” she confided, sorrow in her voice. She then leaned forward and squeezed my hand in hers. “I have a feeling that the current situation is getting out of control, and I believe it would be safest if your internship were to stop.” I wanted to respond, to refuse Tom knocked on the door before I could do any of that and we headed to the room where the speech would take place, Tom and Dave walking behind us.

Julia entered the conference room through the side door, and Dave and I found ourselves alone for a silent moment before we entered the room together and I went to take my place on the first row.

Julia started her speech, it was captivating but all I could think about was how I had just gotten fired. Out of nowhere. After the small interruption at the beginning by the protestors, things calmed down and the public genuinely enjoyed her speech. Most people laughed when she clarified that the government didn’t care when people googled B-O-O-B-S but that they ought to know when someone searched B-O-M-B.

My mind was starting to wander around when Tahir walked up on the stage. At the same moment, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Kim frantically running to the same stage. And then Julia looked behind me with shock and fear written all over her face.

Before I could process things, someone threw themselves on me from behind, pushing me to the floor just as the explosion happened. It was the loudest noise I’d ever witnessed, and then everything became dark and silent, expect for the ringing in my ears. I tried to open my eyes, but the ashes made them burn. I couldn’t see anything anyway, someone was lying limp on top of me. What the fuck just happened?!

I tried to wiggle away from the deadweight when I realized it was Dave and he was unconscious. I screamed. I screamed loud enough to rise up the dead but all I heard was the ringing in my ears. I couldn’t hear my own voice. I didn’t need to feel the blood to know that my eardrums had ruptured again. But David still didn’t budge.

Still panicking, I gathered as much strength as possible and pushed him off me so I could stand up. My legs were shaked and I fell on my knees next to his body. I started shaking his shoulders and when that didn’t work, I screamed again and slapped his cheek. Nothing.

I closed my eyes for a few seconds, trying to calm down before I started inspecting Dave. He had several cuts on his head, but none of them serious enough to explain his unconsciousness. What was I even talking about, I thought sarcastically, it’s not like I’m a doctor.

Still, I unbuttoned his trousers and pulled them down. They were drenched. With blood, I realized once I saw his naked legs covered in warm, scarlet liquid. Soon enough I found the wound. It was on the back of his right thigh. A shard of glass was sticking out of his leg and blood was leaking, no, it was sprouting from the wound. Acting on instinct, I took off my waist belt and tied it tightly around his thigh, a couple of inches higher than the wound. I continued my inspection when I saw Dave open his eyes for a couple of seconds before closing them again. This was good, right? Right? I found another wound on his shoulder, just were his bulletproof vest couldn’t protect him. It was also bleeding but the area didn’t allow for a garrotte. So, I remained there, holding pressure until the medics arrived. I knew it probably only took a few minutes but to me it felt like an eternity.

I looked around myself but the ashes filled the air. Some people, at the back of the room, they were standing. But next to us, everyone seemed to be down. I looked at the stage but I couldn’t find Julia in the middle of the debris.

I didn’t see the emergency medical technicians arrive until someone touched my shoulder. I spoke to the person, hell I even screaming at them but I wasn’t sure they heard me. I didn’t hear myself. “He has a shard in his thigh, I think it’s an artery,” I explained but no one seemed to take notice of what I was saying. I refused to leave the scene until he was put in a stretcher and brought to the ambulance.

There were so many people and flashing lights outside, and I couldn’t hear a thing which meant my balance was also way off. I stumbled behind Dave’s stretcher, following them blindly to the ambulance. No one really cared about my bleeding ears, neither did I, I was one of the lucky ones.

Now in the ambulance, I felt dizzier than ever but I forced myself to stay conscious. I needed to able to make sure he was okay.

[thedistantstorm]

A Shipwright Worth Her Salt Chapter 08

In which: Everyone has to deal with their choices.

“Do I even want to know why you're here? Where is Zavala?” Ikora can't help the sharpness of her tone.

Cayde sidles up next to her and laughs. “Listen, there was a slight hiccup in a mission, Zavala came to clean up, and now we're here to help you out while he ties up some loose ends in the field. Nothing crazy.”

Ikora arches an eyebrow. “You do know I have an entire network of operatives who can find out just about anything about anyone, yes?” Her voice is low and predatory, and Andal puts a firm hand on the other Hunter's shoulder. They're friends, but Ikora is married to her work and has been since long before she became the Warlock Vanguard officially.

“Don't worry about Zavala, Ikora. Cayde has been kind enough to take on my tasks, and I will manage Zavala's.” The hand on Cayde's shoulder becomes crippling when he looks back at Andal with that ‘I didn't sign up for this’ look of his.

Ikora sits back in her chair at the Vanguard table, looking for all the world a queen. “So, what makes you two so generous all of a sudden?” Andal thinks that the picture would look more complete if she had a glass of wine in her hands. She looks away from them with a certain smugness about her. “Certainly it doesn't have anything to do with the little girl in med-bay alpha.” Looking back at dual-guilt stricken faces, she sighs, gesturing that it's time to get everything out in the open. “I'll have the details now.”

The Hunters fold. Nothing gets past Ikora.

She motions for them to sit and sends a message on her tablet. Sloane appears immediately afterward, like she's been waiting in the wings this whole time. “Ma'am?”

“Sit. These two were just about to explain why you've been doing all of Zavala's work for the last two days. I figured you would want to listen in.”

Cayde fidgets and Andal scoffs. “I'll not have this made known through the Tower, Ikora. The man is entitled to due privacy, just like you are. Traveler knows I look the other way enough for you. I realize you are his second, Sloane, but-”

“Anything you say will be kept private,” Sloane says, sitting rigidly in a seat beside Ikora. “The Commander was not himself when he left. I'm… concerned.”

Would wonders never cease, two Titans with the warm and fuzzies in as many days. Andal and Cayde exchanged looks. Things kept getting weirder and weirder around here.

Ikora nods. “We cannot help unless you tell us what is going on.” The predatory gaze wanes, and she takes on a more motherly demeanor. “Start at the beginning.”

Andal grins. “Been hearing that a lot lately.”

-/

It's late when Sloane dips into the room. Aashimah is hovering quietly between Guardian and child. The girl is hooked up to several monitors and has a machine breathing for her.

If she did not know the man in the chair, his back to her, she'd assume it to be the girl's parent.

“Ahem.” She cleared her throat quietly. “Sir?”

He jolted, obviously woken by the address. His Ghost turned her optic toward Sloane, irritation plainly visible.

“I have been trying to get him to sleep for hours now, Deputy Commander,” She snarls as Zavala puts a hand atop her shell.

“It’s alright,” He cautions her, blinking back the sleepiness from his eyes. “Sloane. What are you doing here?”

She toes at a scuff on the floor, clearly not sure what to say.

“Better yet, how did you know where to find me?” The whoosh-click of a ventilator is the only sound in the room. It almost sounds like hydraulics if she doesn’t look at the body in the bed.

“Ikora pressed on Andal and Cayde.” His eyes narrowed at the confession. “They didn’t give specifics, but Ikora put it all together.”

“So you saw fit to come down here to investigate yourself.”

“Actually,” She bristled at the accusation in his tone, “I came to see if you needed anything.” After a pause, she added, “Sir.”

After a momentary staring contest, he motioned for the other Titan to sit. “Sit-rep?” He asked, after she dropped a folding chair beside his own and lowered herself into it.

“Everything is fine. Nothing new, unless you count the increased number of Fallen in the Outskirts.”

Despite lowering her voice, a pair of hands come up toward the tube going into the girl's mouth while Sloane gives her account of recent events. Zavala moved quickly, hands taking hers gently.

“Don't touch,” He soothes, as green eyes open and track his luminescent ones in the low light. There’s a soft gurgle, the ding of a machine, and what seems like a silent conversation. He puts a palm on her forehead. “Easy now. They’ll take it out soon enough. Rest.” Her eyes close for a moment, and then open again. She’s no longer fighting the ventilator to breathe, though her eyes water from being awake with it down her throat. She blinks and looks to the newcomer in the room and then back, the question in her eyes.

“Sloane,” Zavala’s ghost chimes, her voice almost melodic in the silence. “She's a friend, Little One.” Optic settling upon the off-duty Guardian, she continues. “Come over and say hello.”

Sloane stands rigid, surprised to be addressed by the Commander’s normally silent partner in such a conversational manner after irritating her. She approaches the other side of the girl’s bed so that she’s in decent view. Zavala withdraws the hand from her forehead and Amanda blinks over at Slone with curious, tired eyes.

“I know we’ve worked together before,” She hums in her alto voice, “But it’s nice to meet you in person. The name’s Sloane.”

Zavala looks over at his second in command with a scrutinizing glance. The girl raises her right hand toward the Deputy Commander. Sloane smiles and grabs it with her own. The girl’s handshake is firm. When they release each others’ hands, she puts hers back to her side and allows her eyes to drift closed again, accepting of the newcomer.

Both Titans return to their seats as she falls back asleep - evidenced by the decrease in heart rate and blood pressure on the monitor above her bed.

“Cayde mentioned an ambush,” She ventures, quieter than before. “But he said it was a building collapse that injured her. Is her prognosis-”

Zavala sighs at that. “She’s going to live,” He says softly. “But she is rarely alert for more than a few moments at a time, or wakes confused and combative, hallucinating. The physician says that it is a part of the infection, from the field amputation. Most injuries like this have the propensity to be fatal, but they believe she received treatment in time.”

She looks over at the girl, noticing the wide, large bandage that distinguishes her right leg ending significantly short of the other. “They didn’t say anything about that.”

He gives her a sharp glance, and she puts her hands up. “I suppose not. Cayde and Andal,” He breathes, taking a moment to compose himself. He supposes he should speak on the subject, as it will likely be common knowledge soon. “Were attempting to rescue her from a Pike Gang. She was attempting to raid their vehicles. A ruddy salvage mission with pisspoor intel.”

“Alone?”

He allows himself an irritated grunt of affirmation. Composing himself, he says, “We assume it was one of the Servitors that collapsed the building she was in. Her leg was… crushed. Andal and Cayde did what they could to allow us to extract her. The cost...”

She puts a hand on his shoulder. “If I may, Sir,” She says, sure to meet his eyes. “You don’t need two legs to fly.”

He shakes his head. “I suppose not. But none of this would have happened if I-”

The dinging resumes, drowning out the sound of a gag. Both of them look up. The blonde’s sitting up straight in bed, shaking her head despite the tubes connected to her. She’s trying to tell him no, it’s not his fault, and her general inability to communicate - and the fact that she’s choking herself trying to do so - is only getting her more worked up.

“Should I go get someone?” Sloane asks tentatively.

“No. Leave us,” He says, turning back to the girl. “She’ll calm.”

She nods, and sees herself out. Immediately, the girl flops back against the pillows and holds both hands out to him, seeking to comfort him. She only relaxes when he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, and she’s turned on her side, bad leg kicked out behind her so that it rests on a pillow, the rest of her curled around him, and her hands holding his atop his knee.

He can’t understand it. If he had made a different choice that day, had tried to take on both his obligation to the city as well as the one he refused to acknowledge he had to her…

None of this would have happened.

-/

Amanda has her good leg pulled up so that her chin rests on her kneecap, her stump kicked out in front of her. She's trying to lift it, but her muscles throb and burn with the cramping pain of a limb that's no longer there. She grunts and feels her body shake before she overtaxes herself and flops back against the couple pillows behind her back, limply.

She absolutely should not be moving this much, but she’s so tired of being stuck in this stupid bed. It hurts beyond measure when she finally scoots back down under the covers, pulling them up to her armpits and reaching for the tablet left for her on the side table.

“You know,” Comes a smooth tenor voice from the doorway, “It might not hurt so much if you actually took the meds they gave you.” Cayde sashays into the room and plunks down next to the bed in a folding chair that he turns around and straddles. “How ya doing, kid?”

She scoffs. “Up until this happened, y'all treated me like an adult. What gives?”

“You're kidding, right?” He gestures to her leg. “You nearly died. That first night - ah, okay. Not going there.” Awkward head scratch. “You discuss this with Zavala at all? You seemed pretty okay with him treating you like a kid.”

She flushes hotly at that. “I was outta my mi-”

“Is it because I'm an Exo? Just because I'm silicone and metal doesn't mean I don't have feelings, Amanda,” He mock pouts.

That earns him a giggle. “I know you gotta heart in that shiny body a'yours, Cayde. And I haven't seen Zavala since…”

Cayde shrugs. “...Since you were having fever dreams and had to be heavily medicated?” She looks away, embarrassed. “Aw, c'mon. Don't be upset, he'd never hold it against you. Besides, I think he liked that he was the only person you'd let comfort you. Made him feel special, not that I appreciated it very much. I thought I was your favorite.”

“Cayde-6, you are not making me feel better.” Her cheeks are rosy - more embarrassment related than from her lingering fever - and she refuses to look at him, still.

“Deal with it, kiddo. You know who'll be back sometime tomorrow and you know he's going to come check on you - heaven forbid we acknowledge personal matters on the comms, Vanguard matters only, yadda yadda, I'm sure he's beside himself. Anywho... it's kinda good that he won't be back ‘til then. Gives us some time to...” She sneaks a glance at him. He's got that look on his face, and his hands make a vague gesture. His ‘mano-a-mano’ discussion face.

“What is it?” She shifts uncomfortably to get her stump in a less painful position, but ends up lifting her leg with her hands to move it where she wants. Everything is sore from falling several stories, and most of her backside has bloomed into shades of black, blue, and a curious greenish-purple.

Cayde gets up and shuts the door to her room.

She blinks. Must be serious.

“What do you remember about all this?”

Amanda frowns, crosses her arms. “About this?” She gestures down at her leg. Cayde nods, but stays silent. Patient.

Too patient.

“I r’member you guys findin’ me, but it's all a little foggy. I say somethin’ stupid to get you in trouble?”

“No! No. Not really. I mean, you didn't. It's more of something Z - er, we told him to do, and you kind of - I mean, you didn't really handle it well, and-”

“Just spit it out, Cayde.”

The words come out in a hurry. “We didn't know how else to keep you from moving, and I totally didn't you'd relive that or I never would have had him hold you down like that and I'm just, I'm sorry. I never even thought about it, I just wanted the most efficient way to...” He rambles.

Her fists twist in the blankets. “By reliving ‘that,’” She air quotes, “You mean-”

“Yeah.” Cayde bows his head.

Breathing gets heavier. She grounds out, “I don't remember it.”

“It's probably for the best. I can, y'know, handle it for you and we can just-”

She's furious and ashamed, and it's rolling off of her in waves when she interrupts. “Who held me down, who did I think was… was-” Her voice cracks and she can't force the rest of it out.

“Amanda, I'm-”

“Just fuckin’ tell me! If it was you we wouldn't be-”

“Zavala. It was Zavala, okay? I've been avoiding him like the plague since, er, all this, but he wants answers and I don't know what you want me to tell him!” His voice escalates as he keeps rambling and she keeps drawing further in on herself as he does. “He's going to come back here and sooner or later I'm going to have to-”

“Get out.”

“What? Amanda, don't be-”

She's shrieking now, inconsolable. “Get OUT!”

“Kid, please, I'm sorry.” He reaches his hand out and she flinches hard. “I never meant for-”

“I, know,” The words come, forced. She's staring at the wall, body pitched away from him. “Leave me alone. I can't,” She pants through panic, “be ‘round anybody right now.”

He dips out without a word, but she hears the slamming and banging out in the hall. He's upset, too. It isn't his fault she couldn't control herself. She pulls her good knee up to her chest and tries to stop breathing weirdly.

When Sloane enters her room later, Amanda's got her breathing mostly under control, though she hasn't moved from her spot mostly crowded against the head of the bed.

“Is there a reason Cayde-6 is sitting on the floor outside your room looking like a kicked puppy?”

The blonde startles, meeting dark eyes. “He's,” She breathes, forces herself to speak calmly, “still outside?”

The Deputy Commander nods.

“Cayde?” Amanda says louder. “It's been a really long time.”

Shuffling and two treads of warn boots later, Cayde lingers in the doorway. “Is it okay if I come in?”

Sloane looks temporarily mortified. “Was it okay that I came in?”

Amanda pats the expanse of empty bed by her stump for Cayde to come and sit. He complies, moving slowly. Sloane watches intently, analyzing as her question goes unanswered. It isn't a refusal, and the girl had acknowledged her when she came in so Sloane stays where she is.

“I'm not mad at you,” She drawls quietly, green eyes focused on her hands folded in her lap now that she's set her good leg straight. “I just can't believe that I did that.”

“Did what?” Cayde shakes his head at Sloane, but Amanda puts her hand on his gloved one and squeezes.

“Just a panic attack,” She says slowly. Convincing enough. “Guess this whole leg business was a bit more traumatic than I thought.”

Her hand is shaky, but Cayde flips his palm over and rubs his thumb over her knuckles. It's not Sloane's business why this actually came on. No one speaks for a bit, and her hand gets heavier as she starts to fall asleep even though though she's trying to fight it. “You should try to rest. Those always tire you out,” The scout intones at a volume just above a whisper. He doesn't look at her, just keeps smoothing his thumb over pale skin. Sloane's deep eyes smolder as she regards them both.

“'M sore,” She whispers back. “Can't get comfortable.”

Sloane rises. “I'll get someone to give you something.” Amanda nods.

“She's been reporting to Zavala,” Cayde says softly. “I hacked her tablet.” Amanda giggles - it pulls on pseudo-heartstrings in his mechanical chest, how young she sounds(how young she is). “It's all super rigid Titan-speak, but he's been checking in at least twice a day.”

She hums. “He'll be back in the morning, yeah?”

“Yeah, should be. Want me to stick around until then? With the,” Vague gesture, “y'know. You might, uh, not sleep great, even with meds.”

She pulls their joined hands toward her with surprising force for a young girl. “You're a good friend,” She says, embracing him with lanky arms. “I don't deserve you.”

The Exo's vocal process clicks - going off and back online. It's the only indication that her words have made him emotional. He doesn't move to hug her back, even if he wants to. It's a bad day. He won't make it worse. “You deserve so much more than this, kid.”

When the Titan returns with an orderly and pain medication, the girl finally sleeps. Sloane and Cayde do not. Never friends and rarely colleagues, the Deputy Commander shakes her head at the thought of her commanding officer throwing down with the most rambunctious of Hunters.

Cyan optics flicker. “What?” His voice is a low rumble. Between them, Amanda shifts but does not wake.

“This girl has more than half the Vanguard - and you - eating out of the palm of her hand. She's a cute kid and a decent pilot, but it's not adding up.”

Cayde chuckles. “She's special. Makes Golden Age tech sing. You break it, she's got it working in seconds.” He releases her hand when it twitches in his grasp. “And that heart a’hers is so big, even when this world's done nothing but try to break it.”

“People - humanity face adversity, Cayde. Plenty of the refugees face similar things.”

“They do,” he agrees.

Sloane holds her hand out in a gesture that says his point makes no sense.

“So, why her?” He taps his metal chin thoughtfully as he asks himself the question. “I dunno. Maybe it ain't supposed to make sense. She's just some girl, right? And we're just dead people reincarnated to fight - to protect her and everybody else. She's a metaphor for what we're fighting for. One who's been dealt a shit hand but makes the best of it.” He puts a hand on the back of his head and stretches his synthetic spine with a groan. “Anyway, you'll probably like whatever Zavala's answer is better. I'm sure it's more eloquent.”

Another waving gesture. She hummed thoughtfully after a time, “Yours was eloquent enough. I'll take your word for it.”

-/