#no matter how many videos or classes i go through to understand it i just Don't lol

[soularsss]

Drawing Likeness: with Tem!

okaay since a few people actually showed interest in me sharing a bit of what I've been doing to figure out how to really capture likeness, specifically Temuera Morrison, I figured id do my best to write it out

I am also going to entice you with some of my recent clone art! (oooh some of it is unreleaaasedd)

I am putting the whole thing under the cut because I have a feeling its going to be long:

Read more!!!

a couple disclaimers before we start

-This is not some definite post about how everyone should be drawing clones, nor is it in any way claiming that this is the right way. This is just my musings as I stare at a mans face for way too long and try to replicate it

-I am inexperienced. As kind as you all are to me, drawing real people is relatively new to me, capturing a persons identity through their features is difficult for anybody, and I am no different. I have watched many a video on likeness and had my share of classes, but If im being honest, i rarely put it into practice successfully. So there'll probably be errors in this post or things i will come back to in a few months and wish I had said/done differently

ANYWAYs you guys get my vibe im just here to ramble and today we are rambling about mr copy paste. I am doing this for Law, my clone boy, because I plan on delving further into oc fanart and I want to put effort into representing him correctly!

SO LETS BEGIN

Before even deciding what specific pose of a person I want to draw, I tend to grab a bunch of references and compile them like so

(all of these can be found on my pinterest)

Why so many? Well, we are about to delve into facial features, so when we are dealing with photos we have to take into account that there are an abundance of circumstances that will influence how a persons face will appear, some of these include:

focal length: All of these are taken on different devices, and focal length can play a big part in distorting faces

age will play a part, your face changes a bunch throughout your life!

lighting, while not as major, can muddy the waters and make it difficult to interpret facial planes and features

SO, to make sure we get a proper grasp of what's really going on, I like to make sure we have lots of options to compare and contrast with.

Next up! What I like to do is block out the main facial features with colour on different layers, the features I block out usually are the general face shape, eyebrows, eyes, nose and lips. But what you are looking for is the defining features of a person, so that could include other things! Maybe a scar, or some particularly prominent cheekbones.

I dont have any rhyme or reason when it comes to picking my colours, all that matters is you can see all the shapes clearly.

Now I may be biased, because Ive been staring at these for 4 hours, but notice how it still looks like Tem? :D

Anyways, now we can break these parts down, and you'll see what I mean about compare and contrast:

We'll start with isolating the facial shape, putting all these next to eachother you'll notice they arent exactly the same (partly because of my shoddy work) But the distinguishing features run through each shape! Namely the very soft rectangular shape I sketched out in the bottom right there. Along with his soft, wide jaw structure.

I did the same for the rest of his features!

You'll notice I highlight the prominent shapes and ratios,

When drawing anything, it is important to start from the very base shapes and build up.

When drawing something you want to look like someone, those shapes relative to other shapes is what makes it look like them.

I didnt use the same technique with his eyes and lips, but I wrote out some helpful info for them! More importantly for his eyes.

When drawing eyes, I find the most important part is where exactly I draw the creases, (along with the overall shape of the eye itself) it is important to understand where those will present themselves with hooded eyes.

NOW, with an understanding of his facial features in place, lets take a detour to colours:

before I start, a couple things to note:

-Temuera morrison versus the clone troopers in the animated shows:

While I love the animated shows they don't exactly stay close to their source material. Im going to link here to an excellent post discussing whitewashing specifically in relation to the clones.

Temuera is Māori, of Te Arawa (Ngāti Whakaue) and Tainui (Ngāti Maniapoto, Ngāti Rarua) whakapapa, and also has Scottish and Irish ancestry.

The Māori people are the indigenous Polynesian people of mainland New Zealand (Aotearoa). Māori originated with settlers from East Polynesia. Māori people often vary in skin tone, Skin colour doesn't determine ethnicity. There's often a correlation but it's not a requirement.

But that is a tangent! What we are aiming for is to stay true to Temuera.

Bringing back my reference photos from before, Ive colour picked a buncha values and theyre all over the place. Why doesnt this work?

Similarly to earlier, you have to take into account the photos themselves. Many things like lighting, colour grading (when it comes to filmography) and makeup, can alter how a skin colour presents in photo.

You can attempt to get true to life by swatching from certain places on the face. Here I've tried to pick some photos with good lighting, and I've also tried to avoid overly lit/shaded areas.

Tem has a very warm, tan skin tone, Instead of colour picking I tend to try and replicate it myself, but I do often bring in references to make sure Im staying true to the source!

a brief intermission to talk about colour theory, something I myself struggle with alot. Often, when putting in flat colours without a background, I will forget to make sure the colours i intend to use will work with the skin tone i have picked! (something that is apparent in older works of mine, not just in relation to clones, but in general, the colours I end up with stray largely from their original sources and it is something I am doing my best to keep in mind and improve in! Although I don't think i am nearly experienced enough in the topic to say I have succeeded yet lol.)

anyways back to Tem :))

Now we can put all of that into practice! Things to keep in mind when drawing out a piece next to a reference like this:

the distance between the eyebrows? how far down his face does his nose go? Basically just, in relation to eachother, where do all those shapes we found earlier, sit?

The screenshot above is from before I did it myself, but instead of directly tracing from the reference, a handy trick I use it to complete your sketch first, and then overlay a traced version to see where your inconsistencies are! Alternatively, you could move your sketch over the image, but I didnt do it that way so!! uh!! im sure it works exactly the same!!!!

When it comes to a final illustration, or any sketch that isnt a direct study, of course you can push and pull and stylise! You'll see below that I'm not exactly 1:1 to my reference photo either.

The important thing with stylisation, or at least my own personal understanding of stylisation is that you need to thoroughly understand the thing you are stylizing! "You need to know the rules to break them" and all that. While shapes, lines and rendering can change, when it comes to drawing someone, and making it look like them, you have to make sure to keep their core features true to source. Caricature can capture a persons vibe whilst drastically exaggerating features, but it will only look like them if you KEEP THOSE FEATURES!!!! SHAPES!!! AHHH!!

But that is just my perspective on the discussion of style versus realism, please dont take is as Law, I dont know what Im on about half the time!!

anyways, after fixing your sketch, add local colours!

I rexified him because why tf not! But this is where you can go crazy with that clone personalization!

And then here is a very very barely rendered version (if you guys want me to explain how i RENDER that would need to be a completely different post, and I havent had anyone ask about it yet so who knows! maybe one day) But I digress, hopefully you learnt something new through my ramblings! It has certainly helped me organize my thoughts and I have also found some areas I would like to focus more on in the future to improve my own art!

TLDR: In order to understand an object, be it a face or a building or literally anything, you have to break it down to its simplest forms, understanding LARGER shapes will help you immensely in the long run

If you guys like this sorta content do let me know! I'd be down to do similar things for armor/anything really, I am very anti gatekeep so really anything at all you want to know! Send me an ask :))

also if you see a spelling mistake.. i don’t know how that got there

[voltronisanobsession]

A small teen wolf thought I had

I’m really missing season 1 Stiles, so let’s imagine him having a crush on reader😍

We all know how Stiles had an enormous crush on Lydia, it was absolutely devastating tbh. Like this dude was lowkey devoted to her💀💀

So what if a new student (reader) moved into town and it’s love at first sight for him. He’d bump into you after rambling to Scott about whatever was on his mind and knocks your binder and books to the ground.

Helping you pick up your stuff, right when he’s giving you your notebook, he’d look up and just. Stare. Cuz ZOOWEEMAMA YOURE ABSOLUTELY STUNNING IN HIS EYES

You’re busy thanking him and apologizing for the collision, waiting for him to let go of the notebook, voice slowly fading out when you notice him just staring at you with his mouth slightly open.

“Thanks for helping me. Can I have my book?”

“Uh huh.”

“…”

“…”

“Stiles, you know you have to let go of the notebook.” Scott is trying his best not to slam his head in a locker when his friend still doesn’t let go LMAO

Your chuckle snaps him out of whatever daze he was in, causing him to blush and apologize awkwardly. You’d smile at him and in good nature, joke about it and walk away, leaving him in awe.

Most people would normally give him the stink eye, but seeing how you joked about it made his heart flutter a bit.

Everything is HISTORY after that. If you have any classes with Stiles, you already KNOW he’s gonna try and sit as close to you as possible. Teacher assigns partner or group projects? He’s springing out of his seat and going to you first. You both have the same lunch period? He’s inviting you to sit with him and his friends. You’re having trouble with a certain class? Man, he’s already offering to help you after school, you’ll nail that test with flying colors!

You just get him! You like his sarcasm and MIRACULOUSLY understand his random references from movies and video games! With all the time you guys spend together, his crush on you grows more and more.

You appreciate how Stiles is so interested in the things you like and dislike. You love how he asks why you enjoy a certain movie despite the terrible reviews it got. Why you dislike an artist he just began listening to. You both love the same things, but have different opinions on everything, every conversation flows so naturally with him that you can’t help but develop a crush on him too.

You’ve never met anyone as eccentric and energetic as him, he never fails to bring a smile to your face teehee

Stiles is the type to remember every little, seemingly insignificant, thing about his crush. When your birthday rolls around, this dude has so many gifts ready😭 a warm feeling fills you when you open one gift to see it’s an item you’ve mentioned in a passing convo yall had MONTHS ago

He’s so sweet and kind with you too like don’t get me started. Stiles just enjoys being around you and seeing you happy makes him happy. SEASON 1 STILES IS THE DEFINITION OF PUPPY LOVE LIKE UGGHH

Takes you out on late night drives, barges into your room through the window with any takeout food you’ve been craving. Hed even take you out on a mini ‘date’ to the local arcade!!! his dad sees how much you mean to his son and is super happy that Stiles is happy. Loves when you come over to study with him, he’s always telling you stories about when stiles was younger (he would definitely cover your ears with his hands and speak loudly over his dad LMAO)

I’m telling y’all, stiles having a crush on you is the cutest thing ever, especially if you reciprocate his feelings!!!When you guys get together, cuz it’s not a matter of if with his friends, you’re the ultimate duo.

He’d confess his feelings for you in the most cheesiest way ever, probably during or after a school dance cuz why not.

UGH I NEED TO WRITE MORE STILES STUFF I LIVE HIM SM‼️ HE WAS NEVER THE SAME AFTER SEASON 3😭😭😭

[cataboliac]

Enkindle

A sequel to Ignite Son Seungwan 11k words

*Hey Wendy, are you at practice today?*

Trembling fingers typed out the message, a hesitation lingering in each keystroke. Releasing a deep breath, you then hit the send button. The cold air seemed to thicken—your body grappling with the nerves that had been building up all day. The whirring noise did little to calm the unease as you anxiously waited for her response.

*Hon! Yes. We are about to finish up. Isn’t it early morning where you are now?*

You smile—Wendy has no suspicions whatsoever. The plan is going smoothly. 

*I just wanted to start the day right by messaging you first, that’s all.*

*You really know how to make me smile.*

You longed to hear those words from that soothing voice, not distorted behind a microphone or a speaker. 

*I miss you so much. Will I see you again for Christmas?*

Her question replaces the nervousness with guilt. You have a definite answer, but she can't know just yet. 

The standard excuse would have to do for now. 

*Sorry Wannie. I am not sure about the holidays. I’ll keep you updated though, okay?*

*I understand, don't worry. I’m just a bit nervous about our comeback show tomorrow. Wish you were here to see it.*

Seungwan has no idea she's in for such a big surprise.

*You're the best group out there. You're gonna crush it. I will stay up to watch it!*

*I love you. Thank you for always knowing how to cheer me up. Good morning! And good night! :) <3 *

*Goodnight Wannie, I love you too.*

“And see you tomorrow,” you murmur as you look out the porthole. The hum of the engine finally became a comforting backdrop as you neared the end of this carefully orchestrated surprise.  The bright Korean skyline slowly comes into view—the warm glow of lights welcoming you home—as the plane makes its final landing approach to Incheon Airport. 

______________________________________________________________

Two years have flown by since you left Korea. The rhythm of your days found a new beat on the chilly streets of your hometown of San Francisco, where you busied yourself teaching choreography classes. You were no longer bound by the constraints of a strict schedule or dietary regimen, relishing in the anonymity that accompanied the bustling life. Rarely did anyone recognize you, and in this newfound simplicity, you were living.

Yet, the plainness of your new life couldn't fill the void that persisted in your heart. No matter how hard you tried to occupy your time, a significant part of you remained in Seoul. You left many friends and family, leaving an unmistakable ache.

Especially the absence of the love of your life. 

Despite agreeing to a long-distance relationship, you and Seungwan were entering unknown territory. It terrified you both to the core. But you found a way to make it work, communicating daily through messages and video calls. Whether it was before dawn or late at night, your day wouldn't feel complete without sharing moments with each other. The longing for physical closeness only intensified as time passed—the desire to return to Korea echoed persistently in your mind.

Thankfully, you saw each other a few times last year. The previous visit was for Christmas—nearly 11 months ago. You both knew that these sporadic reunions were not sustainable in the long run. The absence of physical intimacy, the constant effort to maintain emotional connections, and the doubts lingering in your minds all pointed towards an inevitable ending.

But you weren't willing to let it end like that.

That's why, since your last trip, you've been quietly discussing plans with friends and family. This next trip will hopefully be more permanent—a chance for a more lasting connection.

You hated keeping Seungwan in the dark, but on the other hand, you didn't want to give her false hope if the plan fell through. It was more important to ensure this worked for a long-term stay before telling her.

Your musings are interrupted by the last of your luggage passing by you on the conveyor belt. Thankfully, you grab it effortlessly and lump it onto the trolley. With all of your belongings in check, you head outside. 

As you exit the revolving doors of Incheon Airport, the icy fresh air of Korea greets you once more in its cold, loving embrace as you step out the doors of Incheon Airport. You have almost forgotten how unforgiving the nippy chill of your hometown can be, forcing you to zip up the rest of your jacket. It is so cold you could see the vapor escaping your mouth as you exhale. 

Your phone suddenly rings, making you jump in surprise. You’ve been on guard tonight because you didn’t want news of you arriving in Korea. You quickly check your phone, only to release an exasperated sigh.

*Hey, have you landed yet? :P *

*Sooyoung… I told you not to message me when you’re with Seungwan…*

*So you did land! Welcome back! :P *

*And stop worrying so much! The other three are keeping Seungwan busy. And how will you know where to enter tomorrow? :P *

Inhaling deeply, you release a breath, expelling all the pent-up nerves. Your shoulders gradually relax, a noticeable lightness replacing the tension. Admittedly, there's a twinge of anxiety about tomorrow, but Sooyoung's wisdom prevails—let the plan unfold naturally.

*Fine, fine. What is the plan for tomorrow?*

While waiting for Sooyoung's text, you navigate your trolley through the parking lot in search of your ride to the Airbnb. A distant flash of car headlights grabs your attention. As you draw near, the familiar silver van evokes a wave of fond memories, a visual echo of countless rides to various schedules.

You stand in front of the van—and without warning—the passenger door opens, and someone engulfs into you with a hug.

"You bastard! It is so good to see you again!" Jaesung crushes you with a bear hug, almost taking the air out of your lungs. You manage to reciprocate, laughing as he whips you around like a ragdoll. He was always the most affectionate and most sociable among your group mates. 

"Never change, man. Never change. Now let me in the car!" 

With the help of Jaesung you get your things in the van and leave the parking lot without anyone recognizing you. With some breathing time, Jaesung catches you up on the latest news around the company.

"And all the new trainees are super talented! We try to be more lenient with them, especially the younger ones in school,” Jaesung says excitedly. He decided to stay with the company and help train the new talent.

“This new role really fits you Jae. I'm glad you stayed.” It helps that Jaesung was the leader of your group before getting disbanded.  

“And soon we will be complete again! Once everyone is free,” Jaesung says, a hopeful—and now—realistic wish now that you are here. 

"Just focus on your surprise with your 'Wannie' baby," Jaesung adds, his cutesy teasing tone making you cover your face in embarrassment. 

The van stops at your destination just in time to save you from more teasing. However, this is not the Airbnb you booked. This actually looks like the subdivision you used to live in.

“Jae, what are we doing here?” you ask him as he helps bring your luggage down from the van.

“This is my surprise to you. Open up your hand.” Fearing another of his famous pranks, you reluctantly open your hand to Jaesung, and he drops you the key to your old apartment—the familiar orange keychain still attached.

“No way…”

“Yeah, way! Don’t worry about it, okay? We talked to the place you booked, and we will figure it out. I kept the place tidy for you. And you got it all to yourself for a week cause I will be out for team building with the trainees. I am sure you will have only one guest over." 

You jingle the keys in your hand, a cascade of memories flooding your mind. From returning home after misadventures to triumphant schedules and that unforgettable night when you confessed to Seungwan—that apartment was a safe space for you.

“I don’t know what to say… just thank you so much Jae.”

“Don't get too sentimental on me yet! Now give me another hug.” The two of you embrace. Jaesung is the heart and soul of your group. The brotherly bonds never faded over time—they only grew stronger. 

"Rest up. You have a surprise tomorrow. See you next week, lover boy!”

Jaesung enters the elevator, and you wave goodbye to each other. Feeling inspired by his thoughtful gesture, you turn towards the door of your old apartment with newfound confidence in your plan. Just then, your phone rings, bringing a detailed message from Sooyoung about the surprise strategy. A smile slowly spreads across your face until it reaches its edges. The realization hits you like a speeding train—you are finally on the verge of reuniting with Seungwan.

______________________________________________________________

Red Velvet bows and thanks their audience again for coming to support them. They did not want to leave the stage, but they still had lots to do for the next day. The standing ovation reverberates through the concert hall, the thunderous cheers accompanying their descent down a corridor toward the private room. In the wake of their performance, the members of their dedicated staff resoundingly offer their congratulations for yet another triumphant fan-sign event.

The excitement from the event engulfs Seungwan in a surge of dopamine, saturating her heart with indescribable joy—the feeling is still the same no matter how far someone is in their career. Being back on stage and able to perform is a feeling she could never trade away. It distracted her from thinking about other things. 

Specifically, it distracted her from her thoughts of him. She really wished he could be there, but she knew affording a flight to Korea was no small feat. Seungwan missed it all—the simple touch of his hands, his cheering that pumped her up, the fiery devotion that set her soul on fire. Missing the love of her life came in waves, and sometimes Seungwan felt she was drowning. 

At least for now, Seungwan can surface and put all those negative feelings at the back of her mind and focus all her energy on the comeback. 

While they walked, the members stuck close to Seungwan, feeling more affectionate than usual. Sooyoung wrapped around Seungwan’s shoulder, holding her close to her side.

"Such a fun fan sign! I even got this cute toy from this sweet fan," Sooyoung says as she holds out a miniature plushie of herself.

"Hey, why didn't I get one? Obvious favoritism!" Yeri shouts, playfully narrowing her eyes and making the others chuckle.

"It doesn't feel so long since our last comeback, but the feeling never gets old," Seulgi says as she throws an arm around Seungwan’'s waist.

Joohyun, who was ahead of everyone, opens the door to their room and peaks inside. She smiles knowingly—satisfied with what she sees—then closes the door and waits for everyone to come closer. 

Everyone stops in front of Joohyun, much to Seungwan's bewilderment. "Is there something wrong?" Seungwan asks.

“I took a quick peek inside and saw something interesting. I think it is for all of us,” Joohyun says as she opens the door and steps inside.

“Oh, a surprise?! Let’s see!” Yeri exclaims excitedly.

Everyone enters the room, but the rest hang by the door to let Seungwan explore first. 

The room started off simple with basic furniture. Now, it's transformed, decked out in oriental banners, colorful streamers, and red and black wallpaper that matches the classy Chill Kill theme. Giant balloons proudly declare "Congratulations" on one wall. But the most fascinating part is the center table, adorned with a red gift-wrapped box and a bunch of violets—Seungwan's favorite flowers.

Seungwan is left utterly speechless, her mind swarming with a million questions. Slowly, she approaches the bouquet and spots an envelope with her name on it, casually leaning against the box. As she picks it up, her heart skips a beat or two. The distinct cursive handwriting is unmistakably his.

A rush of emotions hits Seungwan like a tidal wave. As she reached for the thick, cream-colored envelope, Seungwan's hands trembled. The weight of emotions threatened to overwhelm her, and she struggled to steady her breathing as tears blurred her vision. Her heart pounded in her chest, aching with anticipation. Trying to control her shaky fingers, she tore open the envelope and unfolded the letter inside.

Congratulations on the comeback Wannie! Words cannot put how lucky I am to have met you, that my love is yours, and our two lives are woven and welded together. I will always be beside you. I promise. 

As Seungwan read the words on the page, her heart began to flutter, and her cheeks flushed rosy red. She couldn't help but embrace the letter tightly against her chest, imagining the feeling of his arms around her. The bouquet of freshly picked flowers, a mystery gift tucked within, and now this heartfelt letter; he always had a way of surprising her. Yet, as grateful as she was for these tokens of love, they reminded her of his absence. The room felt emptier than ever as if it longed for him to fill it with his presence. These conflicting emotions stirred in Seungwan's heart, intensifying her longing for him even more.

“This…this is so beautiful. I really wished you were here,” she says, hoping the winds carry her words to the other side of the world.

“I always got your back.” 

Seungwan freezes, her body reacting to that familiar voice—the hairs on her skin rising, hands shaking, and knees threatening to give out. Memories of doubts and fears resurface, remnants of a time when she believed she might never be together with the love of her life again. Those thoughts lingered in the shadows of her mind, haunting her, especially when she was all alone.

Will I ever see him again?

Will he be the same?

Does he truly love me?

Then, that deep, unmistakable baritone voice filled the room, and Seungwan couldn't help but feel a sense of comfort wash over her. She had always held a special place for him in her heart, like a "Reserved" sign on a quiet table in a restaurant—a place she kept safe, hoping she wouldn't be left waiting. 

And today, her date had finally arrived. 

It was a moment she had been eagerly waiting for, yet also dreading—for Seungwan's biggest fear was losing him and being left alone once again. But she was determined to let go of her fears and embrace him with open arms.

She had worked tirelessly to elevate her love above the paralyzing clutches of fear, constantly striving to better herself so he would see her proud of the growth she had nurtured. 

Seungwan believed in miracles and held onto the belief that everyone is meant to live a life full of passion, purpose, and magic. As an idol, it was her duty to share this belief with others and spread positivity wherever she went.

As she turned around, Seungwan finally laid eyes on the one person she had been yearning for so long; her faith was finally rewarded. A warm smile spread on her face as she took in his features. In this beautiful moment, all her worries melted away, and she knew that everything would be okay with him by her side.

______________________________________________________________

It had been approximately 11 months, 12 days, and 23 hours since you last saw Son Seungwan in person. The sight of her now feels like a lightning strike, transporting you back to the moment she first captured your heart. Those full honey lips that speak words of kindness, full moon eyes that seek out the good in people, gentle hair that tumbled in such rich autumnal hues—love grew, yet she still is the same woman you fell so hard in love with.

“Wendy—”

Before you can say another word, Seungwan closes the distance between you and throws herself into your arms with a hug so tight it seems she will never let you go again. You embrace her firmly, taking a step back from the force of her impact. Your collar becomes wet with her tears as she cries out in disbelief while clinging to you. You rub her back soothingly, hoping to alleviate the flood of emotions within her.

"I am here," you repeat to her—and to reassure yourself.

A couple sniffles are heard behind you. "Girls, let's give the two some alone time," Joohyun says as she leads the girls out of the room.  

It takes a moment for Seungwan's breathing to slow. She pulls away from the side of your neck, those hypnotic brown eyes finally meeting yours.

"Ow!" you suddenly cry out as a sharp pain between your shoulder blades shoots up; Seungwan's hand connects with your back.

“How could you do that to me? Making me cry in my makeup and in front of the girls. They are going to tease me to death…” Seungwan says with a pout, but her eyes beam with radiant joy. 

Using your free hand, you retrieve a handkerchief from your pocket to gently dab away the excess tears and makeup that had smudged her face—though she was beautiful regardless. When finished, you return the cloth to its place and hold her face in your hands.

Unfortunately, you could not contain the guilt that was eating you up. “I am so sorry. I didn't want you to hold on to any false hope. I needed to be sure I could stay here longer. I am so sorry–"

Seungwan's velvety lips claim yours with such passion that the weight of any apologies you carry melts away. Your body responds instinctively to her warmth, your lips dancing in perfect unison with hers. As you close your eyes, you are enveloped in a sensory symphony—the plush sensation of each kiss, her favorite fruity perfume invading your senses, and the hint of her sweet strawberry lip tint adding to the intoxicating experience. Your hands move from her face to her shoulders, pulling her closer in a warm embrace as you reacquaint yourself with the feeling of her touch. She sighs contentedly, drawing you nearer as if coaxing out more breath from your lungs.

She breaks the kiss, leaning on your forehead, catching her breath. "Don't you dare say sorry, please. You are here, and that means everything to me."

You exhale, the tension finally dissipating from your body. “Okay. Okay, I won’t.”

“How did you manage to plan all of this?” she asks as she thumbs your cheek and caresses your chin.

“A couple months worth of planning. I had to coordinate a lot with your members and manager.”

“How long are you staying?” 

"Actually… that’s the best part. I am planning to stay in Korea. Possibly for good." The words roll off your tongue effortlessly.

Seungwan's jaw drops, the words short-circuiting her mind in disbelief. "Wait… you’re not leaving?"

You smile, realizing the weight of your words. “I am here to stay.”

Seungwan snuggles into the warmth of your embrace, her laughter ringing in the room in pure disbelief and happiness. After moments of tears, this was a welcomed change, a beautiful call of joy filling the room as she hugged you tighter. Lifting her off the ground, you spin around in an impromptu dance, caught up in the euphoric moment. The realization that you can now share your life together after being apart for so long hits you both with a rush of emotion.

"Wait, did you just propose?!"

"And did you say yes?!"

"Girls! Let them have their moment!"

The rest of Red Velvet stands by the open door, Sooyoung and Yeri playfully held back by Seulgi and Joohyun. You stop and gently set Seungwan on her feet as the others eagerly await your answer. With the moment gone, you intertwine your fingers with hers, content to bask in the romantic moment amidst your friends' presence.

"Don't worry about it. We'll have plenty more opportunities," you say as you lay a gentle kiss on Seungwan's hand. She leans on your shoulder, attempting to conceal her face, not as confident yet in displays of affection in front of her group.

“Ew, too cheesy. I will let it go for now since we get to see Wendy squirm like this,” Seulgi says, holding up her phone to take some pictures. “Did you open your gift yet?” Joohyun asks Seungwan. 

You see the gift box left unopened. Letting Seungwan go, you grab the gift and hand it to her. “Go ahead! I can’t wait for you to see it.”

Seungwan unties the ribbon, allowing it to gracefully fall to the ground. She carefully removes the wrapping paper, revealing a simple black box with no distinguishing features. As she gently shakes it, a faint rattling sound can be heard from within. Intrigued, she lifts the lid, revealing a stunning silver heart necklace. You watch as she becomes enamored with the necklace, running her fingers over its texture and holding it up for a closer look. The other girls gather around her, gushing over the romantic gift.

"I know you already have almost everything, but I wanted to get you something special. Something I haven't given you before... so here it is." Your words come out slightly nervous, unintentionally giving away your feelings, but Seungwan wraps you in another warm hug.

"It's perfect. Will you put it on me?"

She turns around, lifting her hair to expose her slender neck. You take the necklace and delicately place it around her neck, securing the clasp. Turning back around, Seungwan beams at you and plays with the heart pendant hanging from the chain. It does look perfect on her.

"You look beautiful."

As Seulgi snaps a photo and the rest of the girls coo in admiration, this romantic moment is now captured in both of your memories. Your hand seeks hers again, intertwining your fingers and savoring her tender touch.

"Will you join us for dinner?" she asks.

"I wish I could, but I've got to see my grandparents tonight." You catch Seungwan's slight pout, but you squeeze her hand reassuringly.

"I know the group is busy tomorrow, so I made sure to reserve you all to myself the day after, okay?"

Seungwan glances at her group, and they nod back reassuringly. You've ensured a whole day-date, a semblance of a regular routine day with her.

"You really planned for everything. I'm so excited for our day together," she says, kissing you on the cheek.

"And thank you, girls, you've all been amazing with the planning," you acknowledge the girls.

"You better make sure not to hurt her, okay?" Joohyun threatens though the laughter that ensues indicates she's only joking.

As everyone pitches in to help the staff dismantle the decorations, you catch up with the rest of the group. Tomorrow is slated with radio promotions and another music show. Yeri teases about her solo album for next year, adding extra motivation for this comeback. Sooyoung shares updates on her dating life with Crush. Joohyun plans to focus more on acting, while Seulgi is gearing up to delve deeper into studying music production. With the tidying up almost complete, you accompany the girls to the exit.

"I'll see you in two days, okay?" You embrace Seungwan, inhaling her sweet, flowery perfume, still in disbelief that she's in your arms.

"I will. I'm so happy you're back." Seungwan places a tender kiss on your lips before joining the rest of the girls outside.

Finally, alone in the hallway, you slowly lower yourself into an empty chair, a wave of mental and emotional exhaustion washing over you from the whirlwind of the past couple of hours. As you sit there, you can't help but imagine the countless plans for your upcoming date with Seungwan—the words you want to say, the moments you want to share. 

“It’s a date.”

______________________________________________________________

“Stupid jetlag!” 

You quickly try to freshen up, one hand clutching onto your towel while the other manages a toothbrush in your mouth. The relentless jet lag caused you to sleep through the alarm. Seungwan is about to arrive, and you're not even close to being ready.

After a quick mouth rinse, you rush to your closet to look for the outfit you meticulously planned for the day. Just as you pull your shirt over your head, the doorbell chimes. 

"Hold on a sec!" you shout as loud as you can. 

As you finish adjusting your shirt and straightening your collar in the mirror, you notice a few stray hairs and quickly tame them with a comb. You double-check your pockets to make sure you have everything you need before confidently heading towards the door. But before turning the knob, you pause and take a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself for what lies beyond. With a calm exhale, you twist the doorknob and are greeted by a breathtaking sight.

Seungwan radiates confidence in her stylish winter ensemble, a crisp white coat effortlessly draped over her figure. Underneath, an oversized black sweater and a pair of form-fitting jeans show off her curves. Her smile is infectious, lighting up her cheeks that you love to pinch. Her luscious chocolate-hued locks fall freely around her shoulders, the delicate snowflakes adorning them like jewels in a crown. Seungwan's impeccable sense of fashion only adds to her breathtaking beauty—she could make heads turn at every corner.

“It's rude to stare, love,” she playfully chides, the familiar line eliciting a smile from you.

"Sorry, I'm not used to seeing snow angels walk."

"Ugh, too cheesy and still a terrible flirt. You need to relearn my tricks," Seungwan teases, and the two of you share a warm hug, sealed with a chaste kiss on your lips.

"I could use a refresher course. Maybe with a private demonstration?"

"Now, that's a bit better," Seungwan giggles, seemingly satisfied with your response. Banter with her feels as natural as breathing.

"What was with all the noise a while ago?" she asks.

You blush, scratching your head in embarrassment. "You heard all of that? I… kinda woke up late. I was pretty excited for today."

"You are so adorable. What are we doing today anyway?" she asks, sliding her gloved hand into yours.

"Lunch out, grocery shopping after, then I cook you a nice dinner back here. We end the night with a nice movie. How does that sound?" After closing the door, you lead Seungwan by the hand, embarking on a journey towards your date.

“That sounds like a lovely day.”

Today is the dreaded Monday, marking the start of a new work week. As you board the train, you find it teeming with all sorts of individuals—from diligent students to dedicated salarymen, engrossed in the routine of their daily commutes. The air carries a palpable sense of anticipation, passengers absorbed in their smartphones, occasionally stealing glances in expectation of their respective stops. 

However, for you, Monday unfolds as a comforting embrace of normalcy. This is an opportunity for you and Seungwan to revel in the simple authenticity of being yourselves—even if it is just for today. The disguises you two have ensured you won't be recognized, allowing yourselves to go with the flow of people. To the casual observer, you and Seungwan appear as just another couple navigating their way through the ordinary rhythm of a morning commute.

“Arriving at Myeong-dong Station. Please exit on this side"

"This is our stop; let's go! Ready for some lunch?" you ask, leading Seungwan through the sea of people in search of the exit.

Emerging onto the bustling Myeong-dong Shopping Street, the air becomes an enticing medley of delectable aromas from the food vendors. Amid the crowd, you instinctively draw Seungwan closer, ensuring she doesn't get lost in the lively atmosphere. The vendors enthusiastically beckon passersbys to sample their diverse specialties. The sizzling sounds emanating from the pans awaken your appetite, making you lick your lips in anticipation. Although it's been a while since your last visit, the enchantment of this place floods you with cherished memories—and sparks the potential for new ones in the future.

"Anything in mind? You've got an endless supply of food choices." It's been more than a year since you last visited, and the place is surprisingly bustling for this time of day.

Seungwan squeals in joy, already tugging you around to explore the food stalls. "Then what are you waiting for? Let’s go!!"

You observe as Seungwan scans the vibrant street, her eyes searching for anything interesting among the colorful food stalls. Suddenly, her gaze locks onto a stall with skewers. As you both draw closer, the irresistible scent of grilled meat wafts through the air, captivating your senses. The cook applies a generous layer of butter on the hot grill before slowly placing a square Wagyu cube onto the surface. You both watch in anticipation as the meat begins to sizzle and cook to perfection, the savory aroma intensifying with each passing moment.

"How about these? They look amazing!"

Agreeing with her choice, you both approach the vendor. They greet you with a friendly smile as you pick a variety of skewers—odeng, succulent meats, and even some grilled vegetables. You grab the first of the sticks, giving one to Seungwan. Her eyes light up with delight as she chews into the beef. 

"This is so yummy! What's next?"

As you and Seungwan wander through the bustling street market, your eyes dart from one colorful food stall to the next. The sweet aroma of freshly made pancakes entices you, while spicy tteokbokki calls Seungwan from a nearby grill. You both eagerly try different dishes, laughing as you compare flavors and textures. Your stomachs eventually reach their limit, and Seungwan spots a cozy café tucked away in a quiet corner. With relief, you sink into plush chairs, relishing the memories made and the delicious treats still lingering on your tongues.

“I’m stuffed, the tteokbokki finished me,” Seungwan says as she rubs her stomach, sitting down next to you.

“That’s because you had two servings,” you tease, earning you a slap on the shoulder. 

“I can’t help it if it's my favorite snack.” 

Relaxing in the warm and inviting atmosphere of this café, you chat casually while enjoying your hot chocolate and Americano. Seungwan leans against you comfortably, and together you watch people walking by outside. The usual stress of strict managers, rabid fans, and a rigid schedule fades away as you both savor the simple joy of being in the present moment.

"Ready to move?" you ask, and Seungwan nods after sipping the last of her drink. Slipping back into the lively crowd, you guide her to the next destination—an inviting supermarket.

"Next on our agenda: grocery shopping! Any special requests for tonight's menu?" 

Seungwan ponders for a moment, her expression playfully pouting in thought. "I've been craving some spicy beef soup lately... that's not too difficult, right?"

"Not at all! We can definitely do that. The ingredients should be easy to find," you assure her with a grin.

You push a grocery cart confidently through the supermarket, starting with spices and making your way to vegetables before finishing with the crucial component: meat. Seungwan's sharp eye spots the perfect beef brisket, and you add a bottle of soju for a tasty pairing.

At the cashier, you hand over your card and notice the lingering gaze of the cashier as he inspects your name with a subtle smile on his lips. He nods at you, hinting at recognition. Seungwan looks over, also confused by the cashier's behavior.

After paying and packing up your groceries, the cashier bids farewell with a friendly wink.

"Thanks for choosing our store.”

"I always have your back!" he adds.

You're taken aback by his words—your catchphrase.

As you leave the store, a sense of comfort washes over you thanks to the subtle acknowledgment from the cashier. It's a reminder that you can make an impact, and this thought stays with you as you step back into the busy streets.

“We should take a taxi; we got a lot of stuff to carry,” you suggest. 

The clock strikes 4:00 pm. The blazing tangerine sun begins its descent, painting the cerulean sky with a stunning vermillion glow. The streets are bustling with even more people, their voices blending in a symphony of noise. After searching for a while, you finally hail a taxi to take you home. As the car navigates through the bright city lights, Seungwan rests peacefully on your shoulder. You can't help but reflect on the day that has passed—a whirlwind of emotions, shared laughter, and moments with someone who truly understands you. Though this adventure has ended, the warmth it sparked lingers, promising an intimate evening ahead.

______________________________________________________________

The keys jingle in your hand as you insert them into your front door, the metallic locks engaging as the knob turns. "Finally, home sweet home."

You place the groceries in the fridge, waiting to be used for tonight's cooking session. Beyond the kitchen lay the soft glow of the living room, ready to cradle you both in the embrace of a movie night. As the sky turned into a black carpet peppered with shining stars,  the possibility of a connection transcended the ordinary, etching the day into the tapestry of unforgettable memories.

"Hey, want to take a break before we cook?" Seungwan suggests, patting the empty space beside her on the couch.

"We?" you inquire as you settle next to her. Seungwan pulls you in, her arms encircling your waist, snuggling closer. "I don't mind the help, but today is all about you." 

Seungwan giggles, rewarding you with a quick peck on the lips.  "You're always so thoughtful, but it’s our day. Plus, how will I know you won't accidentally set the place on fire?"

"Oh, you might be surprised by how much I've improved," you counter, playfully jabbing a finger into her side and attacking her ticklish spot. Seungwan bursts into laughter, thrashing your arms.

"Wait! Enough! Okay, I trust you for later! Now hush, and let me cuddle with you a bit longer."

You both sink into the plush fabric of the couch, her body pressed against yours. The room is quiet except for the sounds of her steady breaths, which match the gentle movements of her chest. Your fingers slowly explore her smooth skin, rediscovering every inch of her porcelain complexion. In this peaceful moment, you exchange soft kisses on each other's foreheads and cheeks, occasionally lingering on each other's lips in a tender embrace.

The peace is abruptly broken by the sound of your stomach growling like a machine, making the two of you howl in laughter. 

“How are you always so hungry?” 

“I mean, we did walk around a lot today. Come on, dinner won’t cook itself.”

After washing your hands, a delightful surprise awaits as two arms lovingly snake around your waist. Turning around, you find Seungwan with a mischievous grin, playfully tying an apron around you. "Ready to showcase your cooking prowess?"

"Absolutely prepared to dazzle you with my culinary magic!" you exclaim, punctuating your words with an exaggerated twirl of your hands. Gathering the groceries from the fridge, you arrange them across the kitchen counter in a colorful display.

"Magic, huh? Well, I'm ready to be enchanted. What's our first spell?" Seungwan quips.

You slide the vegetables and the wooden chopping board over to Seungwan. "How about you work your magic with these? Chop them up while I prepare the meat."

Seungwan nods eagerly and grabs a nearby knife. She grabs a radish and skillfully chops it into uniform squares. Meanwhile, you expertly portion the meat into chunks, placing them into a generously sized pot you had readied earlier.

Amid the rhythmic chopping, you lean close to Seungwan, your warm breath sending a shiver down her spine. "You know, you're the best chef any culinary wizard could ask for."

Her cheeks blush with a delightful warmth. Seungwan steals a quick kiss on your cheek before cheekily pushing you away. "Keep those compliments coming, and I might just grant you access to a... special tasting."

“Be careful, I would do more than just taste,” you quip back, making Seungwan blush even more than the spices she is expertly mixing.

It takes a while to carefully arrange all the meat and radish into the pot. After setting the heat to medium and closing the lid, you join Seungwan in cutting up the rest of the vegetables. In the midst of the chopping, you open the fridge, retrieving the bottle of soju. You uncork it, pouring a shot for each of you. Tapping Seungwan's shoulder to grab her attention, you propose a toast.

“Let’s take a quick break before I check on the meat. What should we toast to?” you ask, raising your glass to Seungwan.

She reciprocates the gesture, intertwining her hand with yours. “To us. I still can’t believe you are here; it means the world to me. Thank you for the best surprise ever”

“To us.”

The two of you clink your glasses and then down the shot, savoring the sweet strawberry flavor swirling around your tongues and down your throats. A swift kiss on Seungwan's forehead punctuates this intimate moment before focusing back on the simmering pot. 

With practiced precision, you carefully remove any impurities from the stew and discard them in the waste can. A satisfied grin spreads across your face as you examine the perfectly cooked meat, even inserting a knife to confirm its tenderness. You add it to the bowl of spices Seungwan has meticulously prepared, and you mix everything together with care, taking turns when one of you gets tired. Once everything is well-mixed, you transfer the flavorful combination into a clean pot, turning up the heat and sealing it with a lid.

All that remains is to wait for the 15-minute timer to sound off. As you head back to the couch, you notice Seungwan making her way to your bedroom with her bag in tow.

"I'm going to take a quick shower. And no, you can't join. Not yet, anyway," Seungwan declares, followed by a playful giggle and a wink in your direction.

You stare, dumbfounded, as Seungwan gracefully removes her shirt in one fluid motion. A fleeting glimpse of her bare back adorned with a red lacy bra almost takes your breath away. But before you can fully process the sight, her discarded t-shirt is suddenly covering your face, obscuring your view. You hear the door to your room close and know she's left, but a soft laugh escapes your lips as you fold her shirt and place it on the couch. With some time alone, you browse through popular romance movies while eagerly anticipating the intimate magic that will unfold with Seungwan after her refreshing shower.

You stumble upon the perfect movie just as the alarm announces that dinner is finally ready. Swiftly turning off the TV, you make a beeline for the kitchen. Lifting the lid, you give the stew a stir before seizing a spoon to sample the creation. The spicy tang of the soup dances on your tongue, each spice contributing to a delightful symphony of flavors. The vegetables are cooked to perfection—soft and infused with the spices. You relish the rich essence of the meat, savoring its tenderness as you taste a piece.

“I heard the alarm! How does it taste?” Seungwan's voice echoes from the hallway, her footsteps drawing nearer.

“Try it yourself! You are in for a treat.”

Seungwan strolls into the kitchen, clad in an oversized black long-sleeved blouse, paired with her favorite gray sweatpants. The ensemble is simple yet exudes comfort and elegance. As she glides past you to fetch a spoon, the delightful scent of her favorite fruity shampoo lingers in your mind, causing your heart to flutter ever so slightly. Observing her tasting the soup, you witness her face light up like a Christmas tree, a radiant expression that adds warmth to the homey kitchen atmosphere.

"Wow, that Yukgaejang is delicious! Consider me charmed, my magical chef," Seungwan exclaims, accompanying her words with a high-five.

"Glad that it impressed you. Couldn't have done it without my wonderful sous chef," you respond with a grin.

"You've definitely stepped up your game! Come on, let’s set the table; I'm starving!"

Together, you and Seungwan set the table with plates and silverware for two. You carefully place the pot on a sturdy surface so that it will not damage the delicate cloth underneath. Seungwan brings over the already open bottle of soju and pours two shots. The fragrant stew is served, and you both sit at the table, ready to enjoy the fruits of your culinary collaboration.

Seungwan raises her shot glass, proposing a toast once again. “What should we give thanks for this time?”

You pause, deep in thought, while you rest your chin on your hand before coming up with an answer. “Let's toast to a successful comeback for you! I hope you get to showcase your beautiful voice even more.”

Seungwan's cheeks turn a deep shade of red as she laughs in delight at your praise. Together, you down the shot and quickly express gratitude for the food before eagerly digging in.

The meat was cooked to perfection, a tender and succulent masterpiece that effortlessly parted with every bite. The blend of spices was impeccable, offering a subtle sting that elevated the flavors and made your taste buds dance. As you sipped on the smooth soju, it complemented the meal in perfect harmony, adding a touch of warmth and depth to each dish. Your conversations with Seungwan were seamless, transitioning between updates from the fast-paced idol world to the simple nuances and joys of your everyday lives. The laughter and chatter rose and fell like a soothing melody, creating an atmosphere of comfort and closeness amidst the feast before you.

Seungwan savors the last spoonful of her soup, letting out a satisfied exhale and tenderly rubbing her stomach. "Okay, now I'm absolutely stuffed. It tasted just like Mom's cooking!"

"I've been practicing some of your favorite dishes, just in case," you confess, avoiding direct eye contact. Nervousness tingles through you as you admit this, the desire for the evening to be perfect for her evident.

"You're such a sweetheart. Thanks for remembering." Seungwan rises from her seat, dashing over to you and enveloping you in a tight, appreciative hug.

“Anything for you.” 

The two of you tidy up the remnants of dinner, carefully storing the leftovers in a Tupperware container. After placing the food in the fridge, you excuse yourself for a quick shower while Seungwan prepares for movie night. 

Under the soothing stream of hot water, you reflect on the special day spent with her. Usually, plans can fall apart, yet tonight has been nothing short of perfect. You hope there are little days like these to share with her in the busy years to come. After a brisk drying off and a quick change of clothes, you find Seungwan engrossed in her phone, a bowl of popcorn perched on the table, and the movie already queued up.

“What's the movie about?” Seungwan inquires as she cozies up to you, resting her head on your chest. Your arms envelop her waist, and your legs naturally intertwine with hers, creating an intimate embrace.

“It's called 'Nothing Serious.' So it's about two strangers who despise dating but meet through an app. Sounds cliché, but Sooyoung highly recommended it.”

"I'm a total sucker for these chick flicks! What are we waiting for?" she exclaims, eagerly reaching for the remote and clicking the play button. 

The film seemingly starts with a standard storyline: two individuals, weary of the dating scene, decide to give a dating app one last shot. Yet, what captivates you about the movie are the authentic characters and a plot that unfolds with logical precision. 

Personally, you find a connection with the male lead. The character arc, shifting from one job to another, mirrors the quest for a stable connection—echoing the cycle of moving from one relationship to the next, hoping for something enduring.

On the flip side, the female lead exudes stability but carries the baggage of a long-term relationship. Certain aspects of the character evoke thoughts of Seungwan, and you find yourself entirely absorbed in the narrative.

As the movie progresses, you can't help but steal glances at Seungwan. Her eyes are fixed on the screen, her expression a mixture of amusement and contemplation. These little moments make you realize how lucky you are to have her by your side. The warmth of her body against yours creates a sense of comfort, a feeling that makes you believe in the power of relationships.

Lost in your thoughts, you find yourself wondering about the future. Where do you see yourself and Seungwan in five years? Ten years? The possibilities seem endless, yet you can't help but feel a tinge of apprehension. Will your relationship withstand the test of time? Will you both be able to navigate the challenges that life throws your way?

But as you steal another glance at Seungwan, her eyes meet yours, and all the doubts wash away. In this moment, it's as if time stands still, and the worries about the future fade into insignificance. Today, with all its wondrous details, comes rushing back to you—the laughter shared over lunch, the gentle touch of her hand on yours during groceries, and her smile lights up the room during dinner.

Seungwan, sensing a shift in your mood, pulls away slightly and looks at you with concern etched across her face. "What's wrong?" she asks softly, her voice filled with genuine worry. 

You take a deep breath, gathering your thoughts before responding to Seungwan's question. You reach out to her and gently cup her face, your thumb tracing circles on her cheek. 

"Nothing is wrong, Seungwan," you assure her, mustering a small smile. "I was just lost in my thoughts, thinking about how lucky I am to have you in my life." Her expression softens as she leans into your touch, her arms slowly intertwining around you. 

"You're the one who makes me feel lucky every single day. You found a way to keep us together and found a way back to me," she whispers, her voice filled with tenderness.

"I know we've both had our fair share of ups and downs, and the future can be uncertain," you confess, your voice tinged with vulnerability. "But being here with you. Right now. In this moment, I believe we can face anything together." 

Seungwan's eyes glisten with tears. "I believe it," she replies softly. "We've weathered storms, and nothing could make me happier. We can do this. Together. For the rest of our lives."  

You sit silently for a moment, letting Seungwan's words sink in. She's right, you think to yourself. You've faced obstacles and challenges before, and you've come out stronger together. The doubts and uncertainties about the future fade as a renewed sense of hope and determination washes over you.

With every passing day, your love for each other grew powerful. You navigated through life's challenges hand in hand, supporting and encouraging one another every step of the way. Together, you inspired each other to reach for the stars and chase after your dreams.

As the movie climaxes, you and Seungwan inch closer to each other on the couch. Your eyes flicker from her luscious lips to her awaiting body, unable to decide where to focus first in this moment of intense desire. Your heartbeat thunders in you—overcharged like a thundering storm about to unleash its power. It's as if all the love and passion built up over the years together is now coursing through your veins, causing every nerve ending in your body to spark with electricity. Adrenaline surges through you, making it impossible to sit still as you feel yourself being pulled closer to Seungwan by an irresistible force. The warmth of her body seeps into your skin, making your heart race and your nerves tingle. 

Seungwan's almond-shaped eyes flicker with a potent mix of desire and vulnerability, revealing the intense emotions below the surface. They dart between your eyes, lingering on your lips with an almost palpable hunger. A glossy sheen coats her full, pouty mouth as she licks it hungrily, biting down gently with trembling anticipation. Each rise and fall of her chest is like a heavy drumbeat, her breaths coming in labored gasps that fill the air with heated tension. The deafening silence between you is only broken by the sound of her clothes rustling as her thighs rub together uncontrollably in response to her overwhelming desire for you.

Your other hand trembles as it reaches out to cup Seungwan's face, the need to touch her overwhelming. Your fingers trace every curve and angle of her jawline with aching tenderness, reveling in the softness of her skin beneath your touch. Her breath hit ever so slightly as her eyes searched yours, their depths filled with longing and desire. In this shared gaze, you find solace and reassurance—a silent understanding of all that has led to this moment. The stolen glances whispered confessions, and unspoken declarations culminated in this intense and electric connection between you both.

The flickering images on the screen were a mere background to the intense emotions coursing through the two of you. Seungwan's arms now fully enveloped you, her hold so tight it felt like your ribs might crack under the pressure. Your gaze locked with hers, igniting a fire that burned hotter with each passing second.

Your voice shook as you bared your heart, desire burning within you.

"I can't hold it in anymore. I need you. Right here and now."

Seungwan's lips curve into a knowing smile, and you lean in to kiss her softly. The taste of her cherry lip balm lingers on your lips as she responds eagerly, her hands tangling in your hair. The heater crackling in the background pales to the heat radiating between your bodies. You can feel Seungwan's quickened breath against your neck as you press closer, your kisses growing more urgent with each passing moment.

Without breaking the embrace, you slowly guide her back onto the plush couch cushions, your body hovering over hers. The sounds of the movie playing on TV fade away as your senses are consumed by the intensity of desire and passion between you.

Your hands explore every inch of Seungwan's body, tracing the curves and contours that have become so familiar to you. You revel in the softness of her skin, the way her body arches beneath your touch, and the way she responds to your every caress.

As your lips continue their dance, your hands find their way to the hem of Seungwan's shirt, slipping underneath the fabric and grazing over her heated flesh. A gasp escapes her lips, mingling with the soft moans that escape your own mouth. The hunger between you intensifies a raw and primal need that cannot be denied. With trembling hands, you begin to undo the buttons of her blouse, revealing the swell of her breasts and the lacy fabric of her bra. Your mouth hungrily finds its way to her collarbone, peppering kisses along the delicate curve that hits her sensitive spot that you know drives her crazy, Seungwan moaning even louder into the room.

Her hands grip your chest, her nails digging into your skin as she pulls you closer. The taste of her desire fills your mouth as your lips move from her collarbone to the exposed skin on her chest. You can feel her heart pounding against your lips, matching the rhythm of your own racing heartbeat. The room is filled with an electric energy, each touch igniting a fire within you. You feel the weight of the moment, the merging of souls and bodies in perfect harmony. Seungwan's fingers then fumble with the buttons of your shirt, a sense of urgency driving her actions.

As Seungwan unbuttons the last of your shirt, a cool breeze hits your exposed chest. You and Seungwan pause from your passionate kiss, resting your foreheads against each other. With one final kiss, Seungwan whispers, "Let's go to your room. Right now."

______________________________________________________________

Seungwan's mind is a jumbled mess of hunger and desire, the sensation swirling through her veins like wildfire. Her voice shakes with urgency, igniting a flame that had long been dormant. Without hesitation, they hurry towards the bedroom, their steps quickened by anticipation and longing.

The dimly lit room transforms into a sanctuary, a haven where time seems to stand still, allowing only the essence of the two souls to matter. The gentle radiance from the bedroom lamp creates soft shadows on the walls, casting an intimate aura over the space. Positioned at the edge of the bed, he locks eyes with Seungwan, a gaze that sends shivers down her spine in response. In this moment, there's an unspoken understanding that transcends mere physical desire. It's a culmination of emotions, a profound connection that defies verbal expression.

Seungwan moves towards him with deliberate steps, her every movement is laden with purpose and anticipation. Her hand extends, fingers trembling ever so slightly, and he responds by intertwining their fingers.

His free hand glides along the contours of her body, leaving a trail of tingling sensations in its wake. Seungwan's breath catches as he leans in, his lips gently brushing against her earlobe, eliciting shivers all over her body. "I've been waiting for this moment," he whispers, his voice octaves lower.

He is typically gentle and soft-spoken, but when his voice deepens, taking on a commanding tone, Seungwan finds it irresistibly sexy when he assumes control. With assertiveness, he leads Seungwan onto the bed, where their bodies sink into the plush mattress. Their lips meet once again, but this time with an intensity born from the depths of their souls. Their tongues flick against each other in perfect rhythm, igniting the passionate fire brighter between them.

Seungwan feels his hand cup one of her breasts, eagerly kneading out the softness of her mound. She gasps as his touch sends electric currents through her body, making her break away from their kiss with a loud moan. His lips move down to her neck, nipping and sucking at her sensitive spot, causing her mind to go wild with pleasure.

As they continue to engage in foreplay, his other hand deftly unclasps her bra, releasing it from her chest. Using this opportunity, Seungwan rolls over him, straddling his lap. She takes advantage of the position, teasing him by slowly removing her bra from one arm at a time, keeping it close to her breasts. He watches with hunger in his eyes as she removes her shirt and finally lets the bra fall, revealing her ample bosom jiggling freely in the air, her warm mink nipples taut from arousal.

"And I am all yours."  

Son Seungwan is an unwavering force, her spirit forged in the fires of adversity and molded into a fierce independence that has weathered every challenge life has thrown her. She has endured and overcome every challenge that life has thrown at her—from leaving her home country to surviving a crippling injury and bearing this long-distance love—refusing to show weakness. But now, as she sits naked before him, her walls crumble like a dam, giving way to a raging river of emotion. Every fiber of her being surrenders to this moment, giving herself to him.

He captures her lips hungrily, his hands roaming over her body with a sense of urgency. His fingers brush against the swell of her breast, causing her to gasp and arch towards him. Seungwan's heart races as his mouth moves down her neck, leaving a trail of hot kisses in its wake. She can feel herself growing wet with desire as he inches closer to her chest, his warm breath sending shivers down her body. 

Suddenly, his mouth is on one of her breasts, sucking lightly on a sensitive nub. She moans loudly, the sound echoing throughout the room. Her back arches, giving him more access to her succulent bosom as she trembles under his touch. His tongue swirls around her nipple while his fingers gently twist and pull on the other, driving her wild with pleasure. She is putty in his hands, lost in the sensations coursing through her body as he continues to worship every inch of her curves.

With a swift motion, he lifts Seungwan onto the middle of the bed, her body sinking into the soft sheets. The faint scent of vanilla lingers in the air as they embrace. He traces kisses along her stomach, causing her abs to tense and quiver under his touch. His strong hands unbutton her jeans in a skilled manner, pulling them down with ease as she raises her legs to help him. Her red lace panties cling tightly to her skin, revealing a damp spot at their center.

He moves down to her feet, peppering them with gentle kisses before trailing his lips up her legs. A shiver runs through her body as he reaches her inner thighs, his warm breath sending tingles to every nerve ending. She can't help but let out a small whimper as he presses against the fabric covering her core, feeling how wet and ready she is for him.

"Please," she begs with desperate longing in her voice, unable to wait any longer.

He quickly strips away the last remaining barrier between them, revealing Seungwan fully naked and vulnerable before him. She bites her finger nervously as she awaits his next move, anticipation building inside her.

Without a moment's hesitation, he dives in and begins his oral ministrations on her sensitive folds. Seungwan gasps loudly at the initial contact of his tongue and raises her hips to meet his eager mouth. His strong arms hold her down as he enthusiastically licks and kisses her, eliciting squirms and moans from Seungwan. She grabs the bed sheets tightly, her body responding intensely to his touch. He surprises her by sliding two fingers inside her tight warmth, causing Seungwan to clench around him and cry out in pleasure.

Feeling overwhelmed, Seungwan reaches out for his hand to help ground herself. But even with this distraction, she can't stop the overwhelming sensations building within her. With each flick of her clit, she gets closer and closer to the edge until, finally, she explodes in waves of ecstasy. He catches every drop of her release, some of it spilling onto his jaw as he hungrily laps up her juices. Her thighs grip him tightly, leaving marks with her nails digging into his hand, a pleasurable pain that only adds to their intense connection.

As Seungwan's body calms down, he continues to kiss and lick her folds for good measure. As he releases his hold on her, he moves up to kiss her body. Still riding the wave of pleasure from her orgasm, she shivers at every touch of his lips. When he reaches her face, she pulls him in for a passionate kiss, tasting herself on him and reveling in the intensity of their intimate moment together.

______________________________________________________________

"Your. Turn."

Seungwan's eyes glimmered with determination as she expressed her desire to return the favor. You eagerly lie down beside her, anticipation building in your chest as she shifts downwards towards your groin. Her hand deftly finds its way to your bulge, causing a moan to escape from your lips. Looking up at you for confirmation, Seungwan tugs on the hem of your pants. You give her a quick nod, allowing her to remove them, freeing your member from its confines. With practiced skill, she wraps her fingers around your shaft and begins to slowly pump, perfectly gauging just how much pressure and speed you like. Unable to contain yourself any longer, you let out deep groans and grunts as she expertly pleasures you.

"Babe, it feels… larger than last time…"

As she slips her tongue between her parted lips, Seungwan's eyes lock onto yours with a hungry intensity. You feel yourself getting stiffer as she traces delicate circles around your swollen head, her eager mouth lapping up the salty pre-cum that beads along the tip. She teases you with a soft kiss before engulfing your length in one smooth motion, sucking hard and sending electric shocks of pleasure through your entire body. The intense sensations make it difficult to catch your breath, and you can't help but moan as she works her magic on you. Your stomach clenches with every movement of her mouth, and the visual alone is enough to drive you wild, causing you to throw your head back in ecstasy.

Your lover eagerly takes more of your length into her mouth, increasing the speed and intensity of her movements with each passing second. Her tongue swirls and dances around you, creating sparks of pleasure that shoot through your body. You grip her soft, silky hair tightly in your hands, using it as leverage to guide her movements and deepen the sensation. With each downward stroke, she takes you deeper and deeper, coaxing out moans of ecstasy from deep within you. The erotic display happening between your legs is a masterpiece of passion, her lips and tongue working in perfect harmony to bring you to the edge of bliss. Your hips involuntarily buck with each skilled motion, driving you closer and closer to the peak of pleasure. And when she hums softly against you, the vibrations sending shivers down your spine, it's all you can do to hold on as the sounds emanating from her mouth push you over the edge into pure ecstasy.

You feel the familiar tight sensation radiating from your abdomen. Not wanting to finish too soon, you gently hold Seungwan's head in place as she takes a break. When she pulls away, a spittrail is left between your member and her mouth. She resumes stroking you with one hand at a relaxed pace.

“Are you okay?” she asks, moving her hand slowly.

“You're going to drive me insane. That was incredible,” you manage to say. 

Seungwan chuckles and kisses her way back up to your lips.“You make me crazy, too. I think I'm ready.”

You and Seungwan have been intimate multiple times before, but tonight feels different. It feels like a promise come true, the culmination of years of friendship turning into love, a reward for having faith in each other. It's a reminder that there could be many more nights like this. As your bodies join together, you are bonded in every sense.

She positions herself above you, aligning her core with your length.

"I love you, Seungwan."

"And I love you too."

Seungwan lowers herself onto you, and as she takes you deep inside her, a new level of tightness envelopes your senses. Her eyes roll back in ecstasy as she reaches for your shoulders, her nails digging into your skin to hold on. You guide her down from her waist, feeling every inch of her sliding against every inch of you.

She can barely speak through the intense pleasure. "Babe...you're so...fuck...bigger..."

"Wannie… you feel even tighter..." You instinctively grip her hips, trying to hold on to some sense of control amidst the overwhelming sensation of being surrounded by Seungwan's incredible tightness. She feels scorching hot, dripping wet, and tighter than ever before. It takes everything in you not to lose yourself completely. But as Seungwan sinks further onto you, pressing her body against yours with an unbreakable seal, you give in to the intense pleasure and pull her into a fierce kiss. Your shared breaths taste sweet as she hums against your lips, driving you both closer to ecstasy. With one final push, you are fully immersed inside Seungwan, lost in each other's embrace, until the world fades away into pure bliss.

After a brief moment of stillness, Seungwan leans back with a mischievous glint in her eyes. She presses her hips against yours, moving in a slow and hypnotizing rhythm. Each movement sends waves of pleasure coursing through your body, making you moan and writhe in ecstasy. The bed squeaks and creaks beneath the intensity of your passion, the sounds blending with the loud slapping of skin against skin.

Your hands roam greedily over her body, exploring every curve and dip as she squirms under your touch. Seungwan's mouth falls open as she nears climax, her nails digging into your skin in pleasure. You pick up the pace, driving her closer to the edge with each thrust until she explodes in a frenzy of bliss. Her scream echoes through the room as her body trembles, and she collapses onto your chest. As she enters into her second orgasm of the night, she clings tightly to you while still trying to ride you to your own release.

You want to hold onto this moment for as long as possible, so you keep her in your arms. "Let me take charge," you whisper as you roll over and remain inside of her. Seungwan moans from the sudden change in position.

"Oh God, so deep."

You thrust into Seungwan, your pace quickening as you feel yourself surrendering to the intense desire to make love to her. She clings onto you with unbridled desperation, begging for more as she writhes beneath you in a frenzy of pleasure. You sink your teeth into her neck, leaving passionate red marks as she cries out in ecstasy. Her body shudders and quakes around you, signaling her impending release. Your movements become even more fervent, pushing deeper inside of her until your bodies are slick with sweat and burning with desire. 

The pleasure intensifies, a warm sensation spreading throughout your entire being as you try to prolong this blissful moment. Seungwan's inner walls tighten around you, her legs wrapped tightly around your waist and pulling you closer. 

In a final act of passion, she kisses you deeply as both of you reach the peak together. Your body tenses with ecstasy as you release everything inside her, marking her as yours forever. Waves of pleasure ripple through you as Seungwan's walls milk every last bit out of you, leaving her filled to the brim. You stay connected for a while, not wanting to collapse on top of her. When the throbbing finally subsides, you roll off to the side and feel the aftermath dripping onto your legs. 

The weight of the experience leaves you drained and weary, but you still manage to pull the soft blanket over the two of you, pulling Seungwan into your embrace. Her body conforms perfectly against yours as she rolls to your side, her lips pressing gently against your cheek in a sweet gesture. You can feel the warmth radiating from her skin, soothing any lingering tension or discomfort. In return, you kiss her forehead before finally succumbing to exhaustion and closing your eyes. The peaceful moment envelops both of you like a warm cocoon, protecting you from the outside world and its worries.

______________________________________________________________

A trickle of light passes through the blinds. It’s been ages since an alarm clock wasn’t necessary to start the day.

You also can’t remember the last time you felt this body ache. Every external sensation feels like a sledgehammer, pulverizing your skull as your eyes barely open. Awareness slowly kicks in, and you start remembering the events of last night.

You attempt to sit up in bed, but a weight prevents you from doing so. In your arms is the person you love, fast asleep and looking peaceful. She stirs awake and gives you a small smile. It feels surreal, but her lips on yours confirm that it's all real—she is here with you in this moment.

"Good morning, Wannie."

"Good morning, last night was...indescribably perfect." 

Perhaps this is just a part of life's journey. You meet someone and fall deeply in love, and suddenly, nothing seems too daunting or frightening anymore; every day is full of endless possibilities. Maybe we needed to go through rough patches to be stronger and more beautiful on the other side. Love can be found in the most unexpected places, shining bright even in the darkest moments. And Seungwan is proof that all of this exists, bringing light into even the bleakest situations.

"So, what's the next adventure planned for today?"

Well, it really has been a minute.

Hello everyone, and thank you so much for reaching the end of "Rekindle." If you haven't read "Ignite" yet, no worries! I designed this fic to stand on its own (though please give my debut fic a read! I love that baby so much).

It's not easy for me to say this, so I'll be straightforward: this marks the end of my writing journey.

Two years ago, I posted "Ignite" inspired by countless fan fics I had read. It was my way of expressing myself—a little bit of escapism. I needed to channel all the pent-up energy. I made wonderful friends, built confidence, got a plethora of new skills. But like any writer, I faced a lotttt of doubts and grappled with lotttsssss unfinished drafts. My writing consistency waned as mental health struggles took their toll.

I needed a break, especially because I needed to focus up on my actual life out there. I had been living too fast, too pressured. And the break did wonders to my life. As my mental health improved, so did various aspects of my life. I felt compelled to write one last fic, but only really felt ready to do one last fic. I think it was fitting I started and ended with the idol that drew me into k-pop! Sadly, my time to write is running out due to a new chapter in my life—I've landed my dream job!

I'm immensely grateful for this incredible journey as a writer. This journey made me discover a side I never thought I could do. I am confident in my writing and expressing myself in writing and in person. I owe my growth to the many friends I met here. This fic is dedicated to everyone I met, talked, and made wonderful memories with!

It's been an awfully beautiful adventure, and in the next life, I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Thank you for two years of writing and unwavering support!

[suplicyy]

haiii ^_^

can u do a various hq x reader where the reader is a very sleepy bb and the hq boy just absolutely worships them ?

sorry if thats cringe lel…

thnkx!!

My Dear Sleepyhead

Summary — You are a very sleeper person and he loves how cute you look.

Characters — Yamaguchi, Nishinoya, Sugawara, Taketora, Yaku, Aone.

— Fluff

— Gn!Reader (the image is merely illustrative, it does not mean that it's a fem reader!!)

If you could list the things you like to do most, the first would definitely be "sleeping". You think it's just so amazing to sleep, imagine sleeping through a boring class and waking up feeling completely refreshed! There's nothing better than this in the world!!! (at least that's what you think)

You always have a sleepy expression on your face, no matter how much you say that most of the time you don't feel like sleeping.

And your boyfriend is grateful every day that you enjoy it, as he loves to see how adorable you look in your sleep.

Yamaguchi

Okay, this boy loves you SO MUCH.

If you could see the sparkle in his eyes as he watches you take a nap, you would have no doubt that he likes you.

He would shyly play with the strands of your hair, while looking at you with a smile on his face.

But if you were sleeping more than usual, he would be worried about you.

"Is they overworking themself too much? Has something happened and they doesn't want to tell me? My God, what do I do..." Please make sure you have a healthy routine, or Yamaguchi is going to have a heart attack from worry.

He will always make sure you are eating well and having a regular sleep schedule, and of course, he will always spoil you with some sweets and kisses!

Nishinoya

Listen to me, this boy is also a big sleeper like you.

When you are at each other's houses, after a good meal you would take the longest nap of your lives, waking up almost at dinner time (and consequently staying up late because you both are no longer sleepy)

But he would also make sure you are not sleeping too much.

After all, who else would help him with his homework if you were asleep in class and didn't hear the teacher's explanation?

Nishinoya would definitely wake you up with the biggest smile in the world, telling you to walk with him around the school during break time, with the aim of trying to keep you awake.

Sugawara

Upon seeing that you are sleeping, he would initially laugh at the small string of drool that was dripping from your mouth while you slept, but then he would watch you with a kind expression on his face.

He would stroke your head, gently kiss your hand, expect lots of caresses from him!

But make no mistake, he wouldn't let you take a nap all the time while you were in class (he would only make exceptions when he sees that you're too tired), because he would be worried about your school performance.

When you were home, he would let you sleep on top of him while he hugged you. And who knows, maybe he'll take a nap with you, even though he doesn't usually sleep as much as you do, but your presence is so comforting that he can't take it and ends up sleeping with you.

Taketora

If you ever ended up sleeping on his shoulder, he would freak out.

He just loves you SO much, I swear to you that no matter how you are, he will always think you are the most beautiful thing in this world.

He has lots of photos of you sleeping on his phone, from the cutest to the weirdest (and he begs you to not delete them)

And sometimes he would give you so many kisses and caresses that it would end up waking you up, and then he would begs you to forgive him for "interrupting his queen's sleep"

And if you ended up sleeping in places other than your home, he would be over protective of you, since he saw in a video that the way people are most vulnerable is when they are sleeping. (it was a video about jungle survival...💀)

Yaku

If you like sleeping in class, I'm sorry but Yaku wouldn't let you do that...

He understands that sometimes you may be more tired than usual and sleeping through a boring class, but he doesn't want your grades to drop drastically because you're not paying attention. (but either way he will always help you study)

But don't worry, he can be a little strict sometimes, but he takes great care of you!!

When you wake up from a nap he always has some water and your favorite snack, assuming you would be hungry after sleeping all afternoon.

He sometimes takes some photos of you while you're asleep, you have such a peaceful expression on your face that he can't stand it because of how cute it is!!

And if any teammates found out and made fun of him (Kuroo and Lev more specifically), they would immediately shut up when they saw the scary expression on his face.

Aone

He is definitely the most adorable among all the others above. He cares so much about you and would consequently take very good care of you.

Whenever he notices that you are sleepy, he offers his shoulder so you can rest your head and take a little nap, depending on where you are.

And I can say for sure that he is someone very comfortable to sleep together, he's practically a heater with legs. Just getting close to this boy makes you feel a comforting warmth.

He stares at you a lot while you sleep, and some people who see it from afar might find it scary (especially because of his intimidating appearance) but you know that those eyes always shine with love for you.

Aone definitely has a photo of you sleeping and made it his wallpaper on his cell phone.

A/N — Tysm for your request!! And I'm sorry if there were any characters you didn't like, but I assumed it was okay since you didn't specify who you like😭😭

[atlantis-just-drowned]

A few days ago, my mom brought home a small gift from one of her patients. A little envelope, pink, glossy and sparkling.

It contained a sour candy, and written directly on the inner part, the old lady was pitching the free Bible classes she gave like a salesman would pitch you the advantages of a new vacuum cleaner. You will see it has many positive aspects! It's your chance! I still have a few ones available, call now!

It wasn't her first try, really. Every few weeks, she gives cards and letters and candies and pitches. You should convert, join a discussion group, catechism lessons, video conferences.

It made me think of a conversation I had a while ago. I was talking to my therapist about the way I went near the river with a lighter and burnt the small Bible Evangelists had forced me to take when they were waiting for high school students to get out of the college convention's building, with boxes and boxes full of the same miniature book, printed on the thinnest paper I had ever seen. He said he understood the gesture. He said "it was thrown at you angrily like a piece of trash. Where is the holy in that?".

I think about this sentence a lot.

Where is the holy in going around and pushing your old books in the hands of hungry kids simply searching for food? Where is the holy in pitching religion like a new plastic product from Walmart? Where is the holy in a man bouncing a broken child on his laps? Where is the holy in riffles and colonisations and wars?

Is that it? Is that your idea of "holy"? Why does it makes me want to puke?

I think you're wrong about "holy". You lost yourselves with words and definitions and forgot it was supposed to be a feeling. An alteration of the senses so unique and intense that any other word would fail to define it.

Holy is the skin of a lover glistering with sweat and their eyes closing in bliss. It's the warmth distilled in a comforting embrace. It's the unbelievable way every element of our planet is tied to one another in a balance so fragile we struggle to imagine it worked so well for millennias. It's the warm sunlight sipping on the floorboards on a peaceful morning. It's a parent kissing their children goodnight. It's a cry for help in the dark of night. It's the final breath of life before the end. Holy is everything that feels just right.

It cannot be encapsulated in a jar and kept away on the highest shelf. It runs freely in the wind and sometimes passes through us on a cold afternoon when we see our small sister smile delightedly. It lives in the thousands of different ways our peers imagined kissing. It strives from this particular beauty we only find in the ones we love the most.

Holy does not exist. Holy is just a word that we use when other words don't quite fit our experience. Holy is nothing but an attempt at an explanation. It's something that can fail us at times. It's nothing objectively real. Not an actual thing, but an abstract concept.

Books are only holy in the mind of those who reading them, felt struck by a spear of understanding. In that sense, every book is holy, and none of them are. The books you burn and ban are holy, and they matter so little in the same time. There will be other holies. You are not entitled to them. You cannot choose what is and isn't holy. You cannot contain it. It has no limitation. It is everywhere and nowhere at the same time. It is nothing.

I am not interested in buying nothing. I do not want your books and classes and lessons limitating my perception and understanding of the world. Everything is Because Of Him. It's all Planned In Advance and you cannot escape it. You must forgive it all, everytime, forever. No matter how many times it pains you like needles under your skin, no matter how many times you must deny yourself the right to speak and denounce. No matter how much it suffocates you, forgiveness is healing. Silence is healing. If you do not say a word, it will not exist anymore, and everything will be fine.

If you speak, you will lose your right to the Holy. If you speak, you will never have access to it again. Those words on papers and those that the men speak, this is what is holy. If you think anything else is holy then you are wrong and deserve suffering. We are the one to decide which holy is true. We get to pick what we want and call it holy. We get to choose how you will define the world around you.

But when I try to listen, your pitches sound like nails on a chalkboard. I look at the men you're praising and all I see is maggots and dirt. Your wine tastes like rotten fruits and your bread makes me choke. It is poison, all of it. You want me dead.

Where is the holy in that?

[oh-a-very-toxic-octopus]

Stress is a fucking tyrant. Cold sweating all the time. Can't really make myself eat. Don't think I've slept more than three hours a night for the past almost two weeks. Every night is a fun sequence of dozing a bit -> waking up -> checking my phone clock -> half an hour has passed since I last checked.

It's just been a shitty month, I tell myself, but it's a long-term pattern too. And first world middle class problems. Come the fuck on, me.

I'm in the midst of pulling together the money to buy half of the chapel from my partner as he can't afford the burden anymore, it sucks not being 50-50 on it, and changes to capital gains tax could annihilate our position on the housing ladder if we're not proactive.

I'm short exactly the amount I lump-paid into our mortgage when the rates went up this time last year, because of course I am.

Trying to purge-sell everything I can to make it up, but those are all little shots of £10–50 here and there to the point where they almost feel like a waste of time. Maybe they are, idk, I can add things to eBay while I'm doing other chores so it doesn't feel like a phenomenal timesink, but fundamentally I should be putting all my braincells into getting a second job.

Which I've been putting off forever — I went to a four-day work week last year because I wasn't coping anymore. Had the intention of starting a small business to mix things up, but that time has been consumed by house repairs, vehicle repairs, vehicle sales, family shit. And lbr, I don't want to go back to work, so I'm not trying hard enough. Gotta get my act together. Pick some kind of job and do it. Immediately. 💀

But yeah. The car goes in spring and my half will add another £2–3k to my chapel pot. Only we've been looking into replacements and they're all set to depreciate in a way we've never had to budget for before. The Ranger was a strange COVID fluke that will never happen again. Before we had that, we bought the Combo for £6k and expected it to lose £2k over our period of ownership. COVID actually lifted the sale price to £7.5k.

I look at those strokes of luck and realise they're how I've amassed enough to be within spitting distance of buying the chapel, not any personal budgeting successes or hard work, and so EVEN THE LUCKY THINGS become stressors.

Last night a bit of decorative wood trim fell off the chapel. We fixed and repainted some rotten window trim last year, but couldn't reach the roof and put it off. So that's a chore for this coming year. Fingers crossed the roof doesn't cave in in the meantime. We live just down the road from an obnoxious gossipy village who will absolutely talk about this and whatever method we use to fix it. Jim keeps reading their toxic little FB posts waiting for us to become the topic of conversation. It's his personal doomscrolling addiction.

He's been pretty depressed since his degree ended and has been pushing me a bit to Get Prettier. This is very out of character for him, and he walks a lot of it back when he's feeling better and was very very good at helping me through some shopping shit I couldn't have dealt with without him, but the comments still stick in my head. I know they don't sprout from nothing.

I'm conscious I have a massive chip in my shoulder about fashion and beauty so I'm not entirely against repairing some of that, but fuck, I hate it so much. Shopping is the activity that first made me understand what people meant when they used the word triggered. I read people's Reddit posts about bras that fit and what slip to buy for a knit dress and how to puzzle out your personal colour season and I want to blow my brains out. This is invented crap for shallow people but it matters, somehow it has to matter TO ME. Jim's like hey, I know as a tomboy you never learnt to do makeup but there are so many YT tutorials around now that you're barely at a disadvantage! And I'm like bro pls understand that makeup looks like shit to me. I watch the videos & I'm watching a good-looking woman make herself look shit. And I have to copy that?

No. Makeup is not happening, but I'm trying to tackle the skincare and the nailcare and some reworking of my personal style.

The timing on this is horrific, however. Imagine us having these huge discussions about money and wasting our lives and stress-related health complaints and pensions and our parents' growing health concerns and me needing a job and the chapel needing repairs and who shoulders the mental load. And then I'm all ooh oopsie that's my exfoliation alarm hehe lemme go do that and then slap snail mucus on my face. Fucking kill me.

A lot of this is because he asked me to dress up for his graduation, so I've gotta act sane and not make it all about me me me and my apparently CPTSD-grade insanity/fury because it's his big event and I'm hugely fuckin proud of him for getting a first and earning it so decisively.

Anyway my mum had a huge breakdown earlier this year that I had to help her through. Honestly thought she might off herself. I went up to stay for a week and cleaned her house and fed her and got her onto new meds. When she first retired in 2020 she planned to move but COVID fucked that up in so many ways. Now she's trapped in that house, which is too old and huge and high maintenance for her, and sits on a hill so steep she cannot climb back up if she goes out for a walk. It's a constant source of stress and something of a prison for her. Her financial manager retired and let her pension payments lapse, too, so suddenly she had to sort all that out, and she's not financially literate at all so she passed it to me.

Her financial advisor did not grow her money at all. He had it from 2011 and it lost £50k in that time. £300k if you factor in what it should have made if she'd stuck it in a standard tracker account. I'm trying to sort out her will and important shit like power of attorney and what she wants us to do in various situations and she's all well as I have so much money I'll get a nurse to visit! And I have to tell her that's not possible. She can safely take £9k a year and that will see her through to ninety, but there isn't anything else. She needs to downsize the house and use that money to secure herself.

Naturally this means she keeps turning on me as the harbinger of doom. I'm trying to get her pension reinvested in better funds and split a portion of it off so she's better diversified/less exposed to what is frankly a terrifying market, and she's mad because I Sound Like My Father when I suggest she reduces her drawdown by whatever she can afford. Just for now. Leave as much in there as possible for as long as possible to maximise compound interest, pick up the slack.

She has a sick cat. He's costing £90 a month in meds + he needs regular work that ranges from £300-£700 each time. She won't reduce her drawdown amount because she wants money to pay for him. Don't I understand she WON'T be the kind of person who KILLS a cat for MONEY REASONS?

I note I made a mistake once on a topic like this one. I owned one of our family cats, but he stayed with her when I moved out because he was old and happy there. When his kidneys failed, we discussed over the phone what we should do. We agreed we'd put him down. I waited until the end of the working week to travel up there. When I arrived, I discovered she'd independently decided to try to save him and had him at the emergency vet the entire time. As he was my cat, I paid the bill for all that + the inevitable euthanasia. It wiped out all my savings for that year.

To me, you look after your animal as best you can. But if you can't afford the treatment, you can't afford the fucking treatment. You don't torpedo your struggling finances for them. Not as an old person who refuses to lower any other outgoing, go back to work or sell a single thing on eBay to fund them.

She suggests we put his care on my credit card and she'll pay me back when she can.

I don't understand this view on money. Yes you can spread the cost of things over time. But that won't change what percentage of your yearly income can reasonably be spent on certain things (cats, holidays, shit on Amazon).

...which is again why I'm the bad guy.

I've backed off. I think at this point I've done my best to set her on her feet/help her grapple with the problem. I'd do more but she doesn't want that, so I'm stumped. I am ofc conscious that if she runs out of money and doesn't move before she's too old to move and ends up in a depression pit I will still be on the hook for that. But hey.

I'm really rambling now.

The reality is that I need to be driven and have some kind of vision to get out of my current situation and it's hard. I felt I chased what I wanted pretty decisively in my twenties, but in my thirties (I turned 35 at the start of the month) I'm realising it's all simultaneously pointless and incredibly important forever. You have Do Things to spin a narrative to yourself and others that you are a good and worthy human being with Stuff Going On. And somehow I have to Do Things for another 30-40 years, and if I slack I'll lose opportunities and lose the things I've already accumulated. Everything evaporates if you're not fucking on it all the time. Gotta challenge yourself always. But if you push your limits! You get overstressed and take psychic damage and can't be as effective moving forwards!

This has been Nyx's brunch breakdown, thank you, pls let this stop rattling around in my head and let me get some goddamn sleep now.

[dumbass-learns-japanese]

How are we doing this

So, I decided to learn Japanese again. How will I do that?

Well, one thing that needs to be noted is that I already used to learn Japanese, once a upon a time. I think I used to be N3 level, but it kind of all fell apart because:

a) My bachelor's and (first) master's degree used to be in Japanese studies, and when you are learning a language like that, you are rarely learning just the language. Chances are, you are also learning about the culture of the language, the society in which it is predominantly spoken, art, literature, history (boy, did we have a lot of history courses), geography (we actually had to remember each and every name of every region and prefecture AND we had to be able to draw a map of Japan and mark each region and prefecture). The point is, you have a lot of things to do that are NOT learning the language.

b) The pandemic and online classes. That is all I will say on this, You understand.

c) I was stressed with coursework and life to the point I could not sleep and it sucked.

I am not making excuses for myseld (well, maybe a bit), but the thing is, I needed a break. And that break lasted for about 2 and a half years. So yeah, your language skills kind of evaporate when you don't use the said language often. It helps when you have literally no one to practice it with too. Go figure.

SO, WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS?

The point of this is to say that I already have experience with Japanese language, meaning, I do not need to relearn hiragana and katakana because muscle memory. I also do not need to learn some basic phrases, like "good morning" or "I'm hungry". I also realized that I have some knowledge hiding in the mental basement of my mind that I just need to take out, blow the dust off and reactivate it.

Thus, I decided on the following approach.

Assume I don't remember anything and start from the top. The thing is, I don't know what I don't know until I come face to face with a specific word, grammar, kanji, whatever. We are going through everything, no matter how insignificant or simple it may seem.

Do not rely on apps alone. Phone is too accessible so it is tempting to assume I will just use one of the many designated apps whenever I have the time. I mean, I will, when I feel like it. But relying on just the apps and my impulse control (I've been kiiinda obsessed with NYT games, to the point of unhealthy) is not good enough.

Textbook, textbook, textbook. We used to use Minna no Nihongo in classes, but I decided I am a bit bored of Santos and the spoon and other peopel (if you used Minna no Nihongo, you know what I'm talking about. If you saw the video, extra points to you.), so I decided to try Genki. So far, so good. The tempo is a bit different, but I enjoy it.

As for the apps, we shall use the following (I have an Android, mind you): Akebi (for dictionary, very colorful, able to add words and kanji directly to Anki), Anki (flashcards, though I have been lazy with this one), Clozemaster (I like this one, has grammar explanations, game-like, colloquial Japanese, very nice), Hello Talk (when I get brave enough).

Practice listening. I have to start watching YT videos for this because when I just listen to music I get distracted by the vibes so I don't even try to figure out what the song is about.

That's it for now I guess. Have to get brave enough to try speaking/texting in Japanese, and practice listening. Reading is so far good, writing too, I am pretty confident I could pass N5 test, but let's finish Genki textbooks first, just so I can say I actually know something, that I'm not just guessing and getting lucky.

Good luck to me.

[spicy-vent-central]

Also, the fact that "younger generations have no common sense or practical skills" is so fucking intentional. It is such a capitalist oppression thing, for literally every person.

TL;DR: PLEASE understand that there's a really good chance that it's capitalism's fault that young people "have no common sense or practical skills" not your meemaws fault or your grandkids fault, y'know?

For example in the US, people who became adults during the great depression (the great grandparents of Millennials/Gen Z), knew how to do a huge amount of practical, everyday things. They could farm, do household repairs, many of them had carpentry skills and automotive/equipment repair skills. They made many of their own clothes, grew and preserved most of their own food, etcetera. This meant they held little need for the larger capitalist system and had very little motivation to uphold it if it mistreated them. They did not have many material assets but they had valuable knowledge that made them more independent from capitalism.

Now look at Gen Z, we are becoming adults in a time in America where we have EVEN LESS purchasing power than our Great Depression counterparts. On top of that, factually, we have exponentially less individuals with this large variety of everyday skills. So for many of us, when our car breaks down, we have no knowledge on how to fix it and we own no assets. All we can do is sell our time in order to pay someone else to do it. When we are hungry, we have minimal access to land, many of us don't have the knowledge and skills to grow our own food, we have to sell our time in order to go to a grocery store so that we can eat. Unfortunately, we as a generation "need" capitalism for this because we do not have the skills to do these things on our own anymore.

Now the question is why don't we have these skills? Well, I've seen a couple schools of thought but I think both of them are at least partially incorrect.

1) Kids today just don't care about stuff like that and don't want to learn! Kids have never wanted to learn "boring" adult skills. Kids have and always will be kids, but as adults we appreciate these skills and understand the value of knowing them and passing them on to your kids (even if they find it boring). PLUS, many kids do have interest in these things if they're encouraged to give it a chance. I don't think this is truly the issue.

2) Boomers didn't care to teach us! They were lazy and now we are suffering!! They likely didn't believe these skills were necessary for young people anymore. From their perspective the economy had been flourishing for as long as they could remember, why believe that would change? I'm not saying the lack of foresight isn't detrimental, but the viewpoint can be explained. I don't think this is a notable part of the overall issue either.

These two schools of thought lead us as the working class to blame each other for the deficit. It divides us. I propose a third theory on the matter: these skills were systematically stomped out in younger generations to make us more reliant on capitalism. Through assorted methods:

- removal of hands-on classes from school through budget cutting, etc (wood shop, agriculture, home ec, automotive, etc) (PS: this is isn't a "bring back gender roles" take just because I included home ec in the list, every gender should learn home skills like cooking, mending and cleaning, as well as skills such as automotive and carpentry.)

- distraction via the promotion of unhealthy overconsumption of media (video game/TV/social media addiction) (PS: this is not a "technology bad" take, tech is fine but OVERconsumption of media is unhealthy and is even a problem in older generations now.)

- devaluation of these skills via the conflation of them with an archaic and backward social period (Yes, people in older generations were and largely still are racist, sexist, homophobic, and that's fucked. That doesn't mean growing and canning your own food or learning from peepaw how to fix a carburetor makes you any of those things.)

- the manufactured institution of lawns, "landscape" and HOA's preventing us from growing our own food at home on the land we DO have access to

- many others I don't feel like unpacking here as I'm already writing a novel in this post apparently, but you get my meaning

So I guess my point is that we need to unpack our feelings on this and understand that there's a really good chance that it's capitalism's fault that young people "have no common sense or practical skills" not your meemaws fault or your grandkids fault, y'know? As the working class we have to stop punching left and right and start punching up. Also, since I already hear "but boomers own all the stuff and bought their house for $5 in 1970!" (which is a valid sentiment) I share with you an important (paraphrased) quote I heard the other day:

"When the lord of the land commands the people to go out and work his lands in the sun, your enemy is not the man who is wearing a hat."

Other generations aren't the real enemy here y'all, it's the capitalist billionaires. Please see that.

[deadpuppetboi]

I have a story to tell.

Way back, when I was in middle school, I was making up lost time during lunch by playing with my food.

I had no friends, no phone, or even the thought of drawing to waste time. I couldn’t really make up a single conversation with anyone, any kind of interest I had didn’t matter to anyone or anything. So I just distracted myself as best as I could so that I wouldn’t have to worry about what bothered me the most in my life.

But then I heard it.

Two boys around my age, sitting across from me, talking amongst themselves about how they would survive at Freddy’s.

I couldn’t remember what one said but I remember what the other said.

“Well, if I was in Freddy’s, I would have hidden at the very end of the restroom stall. But I’ll lock the door so that they won’t get inside!”

It was weird, I’ll have to admit.

How could someone get themselves into a restroom stall to hide from Freddy Krueger? How could you survive that? That’s stupid. Krueger would have killed them in a heartbeat, dream or not.

I forgot about the whole thing afterward, not thinking too much about it, not until it happened again but in a completely different way. It was in class, I wasn’t paying attention, of course, but a girl did turn her head back to look at me. It was strange but I laughed about it, not knowing it was a sign that it was going to change my life.

The girl was my friend, and for privacy's sake, we’ll call her G.

G properly introduced me to the world of Five Nights at Freddy’s. Her drawings were amazing, even now when I look back, I’m still impressed with how much skill she had in herself to be so detailed in her drawings.

Of course, it was around the time of the second game and many new characters were introduced into the series as a whole.

I was completely taken aback.

Animatronic animals that would hunt you down at night and stuff you in a suit in hopes you’ll become like them. Or just plainly kill you, whatever would be more horrifying.

And as horrifying as it was, I was in love with it.

I took in every media from it.

Fan fiction, YouTube videos, fan art, and even the long and complicated path of the future games afterward.

And I loved every second of it.

It changed me.

Better or worse, who knows, I loved it anyway.

Every time there was a new video about the series, I would watch it. A theory, a playthrough, a speed paint, an animation, and whatever else was out there that could entertain me. I was happy and content with what was in front of me and continued to grow with every update. I stimmed at any mention of my favorite characters, I drew and wrote for hours on end, and I annoyed practically everyone I knew with all I knew.

If anyone asked about The Marionette, The Nightmares, or even The Fnaf 4 Crying Child I would go INSANE and rant until my throat got sore. The love I had for the characters grew so much that it helped me get through some pretty awful situations. I’d love to dress up as The Marionette and get complimented by everyone who knew the character. I loved the thrill of ‘surviving the night’ by imagining The Nightmares in my home, going through the dark with little to no light, and running straight to my room, jumping onto my bed in fear that Nightmare Freddy would snatch me otherwise. I’d relate heavily with The Fnaf 4 Crying Child on what hardships he’d face, the tears he would shed, and being bullied for being afraid of someone or something he didn’t understand.

I was obsessed then, but not so much now.

But even as the years passed by, sometimes my interest would peak in the series but diminish just as quickly.

New books, new lore, and new games would come along but it didn’t really grab my attention like the early games did.

Not anyone’s fault (apart from the books lmfao) but I tend to look back at the chaotic but wonderful memories of what the series was like before when it was just four games.

No scooper, no remnant, no sci-fi, and no complicated history of the lore that keeps me awake at night.

Just a straightforward, albeit complicated, lore of a series of minimum-wage night guards who risk their lives for a very scummy company.

I love it

I love it so damn much.

So, Scott, from what I know, you’ll probably never see this, but just in case you do just know this.

Thank you, honestly.

There’s a lot to the games and characters that really resonate with me now and who knows how long. And even if I’m not as obsessed with the series as I was when I was younger, I love to know how much it’s shaped me into who and what I am today. And, sure, I may not like some aspects of the series now, but who am I to complain? I’m not the creator, I’m just a young adult trying to survive college in this already burning world.

So, whatever happens next, I’m just glad to see new fans get so excited talking about their favorite characters.

And I’m glad to see that it makes you happy to see other people appreciate your hard work.

So, again, Scott Cawthon, thank you for making Five Nights at Freddy’s, you really helped an awkward teenager find their place in an already confusing world.

Here are some pics of my favorite plushies featuring me and my custom Fredbear plushie)!

[theresa-of-liechtenstein]

like high school was not an easy time for me socially/emotionally/mentally. i was near the top of the class but not high enough to matter. i hovered on the peripheries of several social circles and didn’t feel like i belonged to any of them so i sat in a classroom with a group of guys who barely talked to each other and watched classical music youtube videos alone every day at break and lunch. i had no idea what any of my peers thought of me but i just assumed everyone thought i was a loser. worst of all i was so desperate for validation and attention during the orchestra horrors but nobody could possibly understand the depths of what i was going through because nobody from my school was participating in that so at worst i was straight up traumadumping on everyone and at best i was just plain cringey and weird. it wasn’t until undergrad where i gained actual self-confidence and learned to respect myself because i was determined to succeed as a materials scientist. so to come back and be seen and pointed out as an example of What You Can Do is truly reeling to me. and now that i have so many friends who are straight up in different generations it makes me feel so much less of a loser that i had the bonds i did with my teachers. this wasn’t a time for me to reminisce on how much i loved high school, which, honestly, i didn’t. i just loved how my teachers made me feel like i mattered. i became a leader and then got invited back to talk about it and help the next generation. which is much better.

[scaryspears]

I love 2013 Carrie

I have a few thoughts on the 2013 Carrie. I understand the dislike for 2013 Carrie, but I don't at the same time. To be fair, I was at least 8 years old when I saw the film and I had no clue that it was a book first and had 2 movies before it, but I loved the hell out of that film.

I remember the rage and relatability I felt with her character. Granted, it wasn't until secondary school that I was harshly bullied, but I still went through isolation and being berated for things that no one should've cared that much about (P.E, ect.).

Now to the films: In the 1976 and 2002 version, the prom massacre is presented in a way where Carrie loses her mind, the '76 (Spacek) seemingly hallucinating. 2013 everyone is actually laughing at her and Carrie consciously offs them. I'm not saying they deserved it but rent was due. As Shang Tsung would say, how deliciously cold blooded.

I remember finding out that people hated the 2013 version and being confused until I found out why. She wasn't accurate. Chloe Grace Moretz is very pretty, and she was a very pretty teenager (sorry if that sounds creepy). With the new found knowledge that I acquired it was hard to accept her as Carrie even though my 8 year old self had already accepted her.

According to Carrie | Anatomy of a Franchise (a youtube video), from what I remember Moretz wanted the role because of her sexuality, and that sense of being 'othered' from the people around her. Although I am not queer, I can understand this feeling of otherness. I showed that a person didn't have to be what society views as ugly to see themselves in Carrie, there could be anything about you and Carrie as a character could spark a mirror.

Looking back at the previous movies I can see why Moretz's version is not appealing to many people. Appearance aside, there was another thing wrong that I didn't realise until James A. Janisse pointed it out on his kill count. A normal girl acting like an outcast. Moretz didn't have Spacek's timidness or Bettis' shaking behaviour, nor did they attempt to make her look strange (dark circles under eyes, ect.). But the more I thought about it the more I came to my own conclusion.

At this point anyone can be Carrie, even though that's very far fetched. Hell, I would play Carrie if I was given the chance. I haven't read the book, yet, but I know Carrie's features. Some of them at least. She is plus sized/chubby, has pimples and bad skin. Sounds like me, except I lost some weight (according to my mum), and I wasn't really chubby. But my skin did occasionally go bad (my lips going monstrously dry and scabby during winter) and I have dandruff. My dandruff would build up and a bunch of tiny pieces would fall whenever I scratched my head, and get stuck under my fingernails. I would rarely cut my nails unless they chipped off by themselves somehow. I had bags under my eyes from lack of sleep. I still have pimples on my forehead.

I'm also a 19 year old (currently) who's been told that they look like 15 and have been confused for a 15 year old. I'm certain I could play teenager Carrie.

I know that's too much information and that it means that there was something wrong with me, in the sense that I wasn't taking good care of myself and may have been dealing with something mentally.

Why does this matter? Both Spacek and Bettis were past their early 20's unlike Moretz who was 15. Spacek and Bettis' appearance was nothing like the book's description of Carrie. Both are very skinny, with Bettis especially having sunken cheeks. But with this in mind it could imply that their movie versions were not very well fed, thus either highlighting the abuse from the hands of Margaret White or their low class background.

Ugly or not, odd or not, a person is still going to be targeted and othered. Spacek's Carrie is very beautiful, but she felt like a ghost in the mystical sense. Just there and seemingly existing, but being unfortunately disturbed by the ever so rude living humans. If you look at Spacek as an actress it would be hard to believe that she is Carrie.

The result of writing this: Something can be done and seen with any Carrie, no matter who she is.

I love 2013's Carrie. Another thing I really admire is the scene where Tommy asks Carrie out to the prom. It could be that cold tone that every 2010s horror movie had at the time, but it truly captured how unsafe and suspicious Carrie felt and how suspicious Tommy seemed. Tommy sort of had good intent, but he was being creepy with how persistent he was being. Something that isn't realised in the '76 film, considering consent wasn't much of a thing back then (major yikes). It was nothing sexual, but no means no and he kept dismissing that. Dude showed up to Carrie's house and everything. Also, he cheated on Sue with Carrie. Why aren't people irked?

[niuniente]

hi! would you have any tips on spirit work? specifically either through tarot or energy work or if neither of those work, however you prefer. ive done tarot for a while and some experience so im not a beginner, but, yeah. thank you!

I just recently replied an ask with some information. My blog also has tags #spiritual #spirituality #tarot where you can find information of these topics, too :3

One tip for tarot from me is that don't read just the meaning of the card, see also the image depicted on the card. It can change the meaning of the card and its nature. Like with The Tower; a card depicting a broken tower is more dramatic than a card depicting a standing tower with no damage. A lightning hitting the Tower is more dramatic than lighting thundering over the Tower.

What are the colors? Who is on the card? What is the atmosphere? Is the picture telling a story, too?

Deviant Moon Tarot's Death card is one of my favorites when it comes to the card's illustration telling the story. Death in tarot represents ending and new beginnings. Here, Death is a mother pregnant with new life, where as you are the baby wanting to go back to old; no, I want to be the baby! I want to be the newborn or the life in mother's womb!

Yet, Death (mother) can't let that happen. That's not how pregnancies and growing bigger works. You need to go forward and not yearn for the old, as the old is already passed and you're ready to put your Big Boy Pants on.

For other questions, I always recommend books, books and more books :3 See Youtube videos and podcasts of your favorite topic. For books, I can't recommend much, as you must understand that 95% of the spiritual books and my studies on these matters have been in Finnish. Luckily, these topics are becoming really common, so there's no lack of sources :3 Pick the ones you resonate with and what genuinely interests you.

For energy work, many seem to go to Reiki Master classes, so that's one option. Energy work and healing isn't my thing so I don't have much any recommendations of that topic. I'm the nerd one who wants to read and study, not the one who wants to heal the world with a healing practice :D (albeit I hope my art and stories are healing to those who need them).

[fatuismooches]

this has been a recurring topic of discussion between my friend and, and seeing as you are The Most harbinger blog on here i think its only fair to share with the class but consider if you will: Harbinger youtuber AU

it started out as a joke with ASMRist dottore who usually livestreams his experiments but gets banned almost immediately every time. bro has like 100+ accounts created by his clones and posts weekly lobotomy asmrs where he either trauma dumps in every video or complains about his day. he Does Not understand what asmr actually is and just talks really close into the microphone so every time he speaks the audio sounds like its getting deepfried. one clone (webttore) runs a food review channel separate from the others where he just films himself eating in his lab in complete silence and just ends the videos with either a thumbs up or a thumb down

kfjghuierghejnfvsjdv i have a whole list of what the others channels would be like but i just needed to share with the class before the brainrot gets worse also hi smooches!!! i hope your day is going well! i probably shouldve started out with this but ive been following this account for a while now and its always made my day whenever i see a new post, whether its you answering asks or a new fic! thank you for keeping us fed with fatui content^^ okie byeeeee <3

PLEASE THIS IS ACTUALLY SO FUNNY IM GIGGLING I LOVE THE HARBINGER YOUTUBER AU 😭 Though... "ASMR Dottore" is not two words I thought I'd ever hear together LMAO omg he would breathe and somehow get banned 😭 (Scaramouche is the one mass reporting all his accounts) But no matter how much anyone tries he will come back, with more questionable erm... "content" he probably thinks he's so good at this ASMR stuff, in reality he is not. Which is a shame because if he just spoke normally he would be amazing at it. Probably complains about his co-workers and how uncooperative his test subjects are (hmm I wonder why? 😨) Bina and Pantalone come on there to bully him sometimes too. I imagine the only one who doesn't get banned is the child clone 😭 he has a lot of fans 😌 AND WEBTTORE? HE IS SO UNHINGED 💀💀 Thinking of him eating in that fancy suit has me giggling DOES HE TAKE OFF HIS MASK OR DOES HE EAT THROUGH THE PIECE THAT ISN'T COVERED?? WHAT DOES HE EAT? I have many questions (I would still donate my life savings for him)

Columbina would be like. One of those channels that posts a bunch of reels with a bunch of cute clothing, accessories, plushies, random trinkets n stuff... and the best websites and prices to get them at. Arlie's channel is, funnily enough, helpful to new parents or people taking care of kids in general because she posts about her rules in the orphanage, bedtimes, chores, etc 😭 Childe has a cooking channel 😌 bro wears an apron and eventually, not only is he hot but he also has amazing recipes that are low-effort too 😍

OKAY EWDBDE I'll stop now I'D LOVE TO HEAR YOUR HCS ON THE OTHER HARBINGERS' CHANNELS THOUGH!! AND HI!! ❤️❤️❤️ I hope your day is going well too :) I'm so glad you like my posts!! It means a lot for you to stick around for so long aww bejwdded🫶🫶

[ohanny]

dangerous romance: main couple mania ep. 1

so i love how sailom's instroduction is this is a budgeting king, in debt eating stolen rice porridge. he has a very pre-kinn broke ass porsche-chay dynamic with his brother (?) which is very sweet and also means it won't last five minutes.

oh okay so we get this ship sailing with a wall slam and a classic "do you understand my father funds your scholarship you poor piece of trash" and alksdflkfj

i know i am supposed to see sailom as the victim but he is like full on pete-ing this. he never breaks eye contact. he is like daring kanghan to escalate with his entire body and kanghan did not just go full "since you're my class mate i will be generous and forgive you if you get down on your knees" like that is a) spicy as fuck what the hell and b) going to backfire so hard

HE DID NOT JUST BOW 90 DEGREES JUST TO SPIT ON KANGHAN'S SHOES AND WALK AWAY WITH A SMIRK

he is puzzled by both sailom's actions and by what is happening inside his uniform shorts

honestly, kanghan is the villain here but i struggle to take him seriously as the bad guy because perth a) always looks like he is about five seconds away from bursting into tears and b) has bangs that form a literal heart. no matter how nasty kanghan tries to be - and he tries a lot - the inherent bitch baby-ness just shines through.

literal heart bangs what did i say

this entire car shop sequence is just pure gold for so many reasons. 1. kanghan shows up in his business leather pants looking like he walked off the set of enhypen's blessed-cursed music video and he's driving a mercedes. like honestly, with all that talk i was expecting a lamborghini. 2. sailom's boss actually like... needing some evidence instead of just bending over backwards to please a rich client 3. sailom fucking uno reversing that credit card sneak and humiliating kanghan with the smuggest lil good boy smile and THAT is why chimon is the ultimate snake-cat like he has a face made for scheming.

i am really loving sailom because he keeps his head, is really resourceful and will not take any shit. boy does not hesitate to drag this bastard for filth every chance he gets, beating kanghan in his own game without ever stepping down from the high road.

ooh, we are meeting kanghan's family and they are... both not as trash but also as trash as i expected? like i kinda thought more mafia vibes but if laws of attraction - and real life - has taught me anything it is that politicians are garbage.

on the surface his dad seems almost a jolly good fellow but the conversation with this random girl just confirmed there is something so much darker lurking under the surface. as much as it hurts to have a hyper critical parent, having one who has seemingly completely given up on you can be just as bad.

he's basically been called stupid twice in under five minutes. someone save him.

sailom will not be fooled by a shady ass phone call and neither will he leave a friend behind. this boy will not be distracted by tits with a side of toast. he is a man on a mission.

the way i gasped when i saw this court set up and i have so many questions. do the students just have a cardboard gotham in the basement or - based by the fact we see loose boxes and a shopping cart - did kanghan build this just to prove how big his dick is to sailom ???

chimon's acting is honestly a+ and he is carrying this show. the tension! the absolute rage that is bleeding through! the way he doesn't have to go big with gestures and expressions to convey everything sailom is feeling perfectly - and not just that. you know what sailom is feeling AND you can see his brain working.

kanghan, sweetie, you might want to take a moment and reflect on your obsession with getting this boy out of his clothes and making him kneel.

not gonna lie, i kinda saw this move coming because tropes but god was it satisfying :D the reactions of kanghan and sailom's friends are hilarious (10/10 i am evil tea, he totally ships it) and then the camera pans and you can see all these bystanders just standing stock still, filming giving major horror movie vibes and aaaaaaah

side notes:

i love how his best friend is just "auto." like his parents were "we are poor, naming the kid a vehicle will be fine. no need to bring brands into it."

auto's mom is an actual queen

the teachers are so fucking infuriating but also, that is kind of a sad truth? even when it's not like RICH rich people involved. like for too many adults, it is easier to it off as kids being kids and boys being boys over having to deal with the why and the parents and the drama of it all.

i was bullied in school so like this bubble tea waterboarding makes me feel some type of way? like some of the bullying is very oof-spicy-trope but a lot of it is actually cruel and i really wouldn't recommend this show to anyone who gets triggered by stuff like school violence.

[forgetmynamepleasethanks]

OHOHOH I have a good idea for a request :> possibly could I get either headcanons or a scenario, you can choose, of Kris with a reader who had a simular kind of incident to the one Mae Borowski had in NITW? (if you don't know what that is its p easy to search it up there's a whole wiki page for it) hope that made sense!!!!

This has been sitting in my asks for so many months along with a few other posts. I wont lie to you. I forgot my password. Fixed that issue though so here we are. I'm writing this little preamble thing December 10th 2022 so lets see how long it takes me to write this whole thing. Hope you enjoy.

-----

Wise parents in Hometown warn their kids to stay away from them.

Kids too little to even remember why they're supposed to be scared scurry off and kids old enough to remember keep their heads down and walk past them.

The outburst of the only other human in town and the disappearance of Dess Holiday has got to be one of the worst "coincidences" to grace Hometown newspapers ever.

For a while after the incident, you tried your best to recoup your losses. But no matter how hard you seemed to try, no one was interested in humoring your request to be friends anymore.

For 2 years this continued.

To the rest of Hometown you weren't a human, or a monster, but you were a monster. You were a perfect example of why they didn't let many humans live here. A psycho who brutalizes innocent monsters.

That's all you were to them.

You tried to get over it. Can't keep beating yourself up forever right? Time to move on to better things? Right? Your grades began to drop rapidly, bringing you from 3rd in the class to almost last place.

Despite everything, you kept going.

Kris did not understand you. They are one of the very few people who aren't scared of you. They feel for you, as a fellow outcast they get what it's like to just want to curl up in a ball and never leave your bed.

After everything that happened to them, all the yelling, being treated as an outcast, the weird looks, the loneliness, why wouldn't they want to just disappear?

You don't really talk to anyone, sometimes you'll ask them for a pencil but other than that it's effectively radio silence between you and the rest of Hometown.

You rarely smiled, you were rarely seen outside of school or your house, even seeing you at school became a more and more special encounter. You were almost like a secret boss in a video game or something.

You captured Kris' attention and never let go. Why couldn't they stop thinking about you?

"Well that's easy, you have a crush loser." Susie replied to them, throwing another rock into the lake.

Kris didn't believe a word of it.

A crush?

On you?

No way.

No wayyyyy.

Yes way?

I mean just because they thought your smile was so infectious that whenever you wave at them for a pencil they smile, or how even though they know what you did they can't get your face out of their head, or how no matter what you wear you look perfect doesn't mean they have a crush on you!

You probably wouldn't even like them back...

Only one way to find out right?

The sun was setting, signaling for all the other kids to leave the playground and start heading home. Except you. You decided to stay a little longer. Feet brushing through brown mulch below the swing you gently rocked yourself on, hands wrapped around your journal, you heard the sound of footsteps on grass. You glanced up, focusing on the approaching figure which had sat on the swing next to you.

Kris Dreemurr.

After several minutes of uncomfortable silence, Kris broke it.

"I don't think you're a bad person." Kris stated quietly looking to you for your reaction.

"Gee thanks." You said, a little confused with the whole interaction.

"Why don't you come to school anymore?" Kris asked you.

"Why do you care all of a sudden?" You teased, stretching your arms and yawning.

For you, this was just some chance interaction, but for Kris this was now or never.

"Because I miss you." Kris explained quietly.

You froze for a second. Kris missed you? Town crazy person? Wow.

You grinned that crooked grin that Kris couldn't get enough of, before replying.

"Well if you care so much I guess I can show up some more." You proclaimed through your smile.

"I'd like that." Kris said, so quietly you barely heard them.

You stood up from your swing and yawned again. "It's getting late, let me walk you home." You offered.

Kris only nodded before standing up and dusting their pants off. Before they could react you had grabbed their hand and were pulling them along.

Oh.

Oh.

So you did like them back. Would have

Wise parents in Hometown warn their kids to stay away from them.

Kids too little to even remember why they're supposed to be scared scurry off and kids old enough to remember keep their heads down and walk past them.

The outburst of the only other human in town and the disappearance of Dess Holiday has got to be one of the worst "coincidences" to grace Hometown newspapers ever.

For a while after the incident, you tried your best to recoup your losses. But no matter how hard you seemed to try, no one was interested in humoring your request to be friends anymore.

For 2 years this continued.

To the rest of Hometown you weren't a human or a monster, but you were a monster. You were a perfect example of why they didn't let many humans live here. A psycho who brutalizes innocent monsters.

That's all you were to them.

You tried to get over it. Can't keep beating yourself up forever right? Time to move on to better things? Right? Your grades began to drop rapidly, bringing you from 3rd in the class to almost last place.

Despite everything, you kept going.

Kris did not understand you. They are one of the very few people who aren't scared of you. They feel for you, as a fellow outcast they get what it's like to just want to curl up in a ball and never leave your bed.

After everything that happened to them, all the yelling, being treated as an outcast, the weird looks, the loneliness, why wouldn't they want to just disappear?

You don't talk to anyone, sometimes you'll ask them for a pencil but other than that it's effectively radio silence between you and the rest of Hometown.

You rarely smiled, you were rarely seen outside of school or your house, and even seeing you at school became a more and more special encounter. You were almost like a secret boss in a video game or something.

You captured Kris' attention and never let go. Why couldn't they stop thinking about you?

"Well that's easy, you have a crush loser," Susie replied to them, throwing another rock into the lake.

Kris didn't believe a word of it.

A crush?

On you?

No way.

No wayyyyy.

Yes way?

I mean just because they thought your smile was so infectious that whenever you wave at them for a pencil they smile, or how even though they know what you did they can't get your face out of their head, or how no matter what you wear you look perfect doesn't mean they have a crush on you!

You probably wouldn't even like them back...

Only one way to find out right?

The sun was setting, signaling for all the other kids to leave the playground and start heading home. Except you. You decided to stay a little longer. Feet brushing through brown mulch below the swing you gently rocked yourself on, hands wrapped around your journal, you heard the sound of footsteps on grass. You glanced up, focusing on the approaching figure which had sat on the swing next to you.

Kris Dreemurr.

After several minutes of uncomfortable silence, Kris broke it.

"I don't think you're a bad person," Kris stated quietly looking to you for your reaction.

"Gee thanks." You said, a little confused with the whole interaction.

"Why don't you come to school anymore?" Kris asked you.

"Why do you care all of a sudden?" You teased, stretching your arms and yawning.

For you, this was just some chance interaction, but for Kris, this was now or never.

"Because I miss you," Kris explained quietly.

You froze for a second. Did Kris miss you? Town crazy person? Wow.

You grinned that crooked grin that Kris couldn't get enough of, before replying.

"Well if you care so much I guess I can show up some more." You proclaimed through your smile.

"I'd like that," Kris said, so quietly you barely heard them.

You stood up from your swing and yawned again. "It's getting late, let me walk you home." You offered.

Kris only nodded before standing up and dusting their pants off. Before they could react you had grabbed their hand and were pulling them along.

Oh.

Oh.

So you did like them back. Would have been nice to know that earlier.

-----

I wrote this March 12, 2023. I wrote it all in one day and I'm not super proud of it but you know how it is. Hope you enjoy it. I'm going to try and be more active again.

[dr-scarlette-witch]

Hi mam

Sorry for the upcoming rant

I'm in first year of mbbs, just started classes one month prior. And I'm already stressed. I'm burnt out from neet preparation when I used to study every waking moment without any breaks especially during the last months. Then due to this year's dilemma I haven't gotten the colleges I expected. I'm trying to see the positive side that I got a government mbbs college but it still hurts sometimes. Then so many people knowing more than me, even in coaching I was one of the best. I study 3 to 4 hours everyday now but I don't think I'm retaining the information. I'm confused as to what to study and how. I watched numerous youtube videos but irl it isn't really helping. My college is in a place where really nothing much to do. So I can either study, scroll on my phone in my hostel room. There are many cliques forming already. I try to be friendly with everybody but I don't really have any friend. Although I don't like those cliques I feel sad for being excluded. I cannot even be happy for myself for getting into medical college, I can't really enjoy all these amazing things I was so excited to learn. Due to neet preparation for so long I haven't pursued anything I don't have any hobbies. I like to read but after reading medical books all day I don't want to read recreationally.

Can you please give me any advice both academic and how to cope personally.

Hii!

Congrats on getting into a government medical college! That’s a huge achievement, especially in a country where so many students are competing. No matter which college you’re in, we’re all working towards the same degree. I’ve always believed that a dedicated student can become a great doctor, regardless of where they’re trained—it’s all about how much effort we put into learning.

About the first-year burnout—I went through it too, and it took me almost a year to bounce back. One thing I wish I’d understood earlier is that, unlike high school, the syllabus in med school is endless. It’s more about gaining a basic understanding of many things instead of aiming for perfection. Striving for perfection can lead to burnout, whereas focusing on learning things that will actually help us treat patients is far more valuable. The first key to surviving med school is letting go of FOMO.

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