#no handsomer beans in all of the world than y'all

[strigital]

ayo we at 500 handsome beans babey!!

[mamamittens]

Been thinking of a bean I haven't shared publicly with y'all very much, let alone the +100 odd pages I still vaguely intend to rewrite... Or maybe not. It's basically removing the ongoing, really fucked up trauma she has.

If anyone remembers, it's Joan. My unusually tall preteen One Piece OC who isekaid into her father's homeworld of One Piece. Actually, I think I have a picture of her (apparently 4 years ago?!?)

Need to redo her sometime in the future, Jesus. (Context, part of her character design was that she looked notably older than she actually was, and also like a really handsome guy. Mostly as a joke and also as a through line about ruined childhood. She eventually gets a wanted poster as both "Spade Joan" and "Spade John". The Marines never realize they're the same person and all her worst 'crimes' are pinned on John. Also as a joke).

Mostly I was reimagining some character interactions and retooling how heavily she relies on her empath abilities to convey how she feels and how it really hindered her. On top of not really speaking the language of OP (her mother being half Italian and her father being adopted in America after accidentally falling through a portal... Yeah, he isekaid into our world only for his poor kid to isekai right back).

The artwork is of her in a fourth division 'uniform' because her parents were both very accomplished chefs. Her father specializing in desserts and her mother worked in like, a Michelin star restaurant. So she's a really good fit, even though she keeps making everything more fancy than it needs to (think veggies chopped into flower shapes, it's her favorite thing and no one tries very hard to stop her).

She low-key trauma bonded with Ace and is very attached. She had a thing where if she was overwhelmed by fear she'd turn into... Well, this

Very fucky. Very cannibal. Emotional 'weapon' transformation rooted in fear and hunger after she was stranded on a island all alone for months. Unsure if I'm keeping it in still. Really neat but pretty fucked.

[kayah16]

Dinner (Before they start dating and Before Ardian)

Rezar was a quiet man didn't talk much and he was okay with that. It was something about Tasha that made him want to come out his bubble. He texted her everyday. Sent her little gifts just because. He knew he was getting on her nerves.

Each time she seen him she would roll her eyes but a small smile would be on her face. That was all he needed to know he wasn't annoying her as much as she said she was. Then it was Kenya who was helping in her own way. She would text him when Tasha wasn't at work.

Text him when Tasha was in a bad mood. He guess she was being a good friend. Kenya was a little different than what Rezar was used to dealing with. He didn't think people could be so loud and opinionated but he's learning.

Going in his bookbag he grabbed the small teddybear, rose, and card. He didn't know how Tasha's week at work went this was a way to make her smile even more. She always told him, he didn't have to give her any money but he did the opposite.

He was blessed to be making good money from this living even if he was on the road a lot. As soon as he met Tasha, he knew she was going to be his wife and the mother of his children. He can deal with her being mean as long as she was in his life. He was so busy writing in the card and putting money into it he didn't hear Roman walk in.

"Big Man, you didn't hear me?"

Rezar turned around and shook his head.

"Sorry man, I was in another world. What happen?"

"I said me and my cousins going out to eat. Do you want to join us?"

"I can't going to a dinner."

Roman sat on the bench grabbing the bear, "She must be special, a bear, rose, and a card with money. Who is she?"

"She's my friend who I like and she hates me."

Roman laughed so loud it made Rezar look at him oddly.

"I'm sorry. She hates you? How the hell you get a dinner with her?"

"I don't take no for an answer not from her. Am I stupid for still liking her?"

"Nah man, you not stupid at all. Good luck. Tell us how it goes with her."

Roman and Rezar slapped hands and Roman walked out the locker room. Rezar continued to write in the card and put the money inside of it. Checking the time he decided to head out and get ready. The song she had him listened to was stuck in his head sometimes he found himself humming it. Meanwhile Tasha was on the phone with her brothers rolling her eyes.

"I just wanna know who you havin dinner with?" Tyrell fussed.

Tasha rolled her eyes as she went to go check on the dinner she was making. She decided to go with yams, steak, string beans, and cornbread. For dessert sweet potato pie. It was the least she could do for how Rezar helped take care of her.

Maybe it was more than a thank you dinner. No, Tasha. She wasn't going to like him nope. Last time she liked a man, he made her regret it.

"It's not that serious. It's a small dinner I'm having for me and my friend."

"What kind of friend?" Ray asked in an annoyed tone. Tasha huffed wanting to end this conversation.

"Mom and Dad knows who I'm having dinner with and that's all that matters."

"Brat, you want me to come over there and crash that dinner? Don't play with us. Who the hell you havin dinner with?"

"I would love to entertain my big brothers but I have to go. I love y'all. Give Mo a hug from me, Ray."

Tasha hung up before her brothers could argue. Looking at the time Tasha figured Rezar would be knocking soon and she needed to get ready. After her shower she applied a little makeup to her face.

Her twists was nicely done. She had to talk to herself telling herself to relax it was just a thank you dinner. After putting her dress and heels on, Tasha made it downstairs just in time to hear a knock at the door. Going to open the door she actually smiled seeing Rezar standing there with gifts in his hand.

"Hi, you look amazing. Here you go, these are for you." Tasha took the rose, bear, and card standing back letting Rezar walk in. After Tasha closed and locked her door she put the gifts down. She wrapped her arms around Rezar hugging him which he returned.

"You look very handsome. Come here so I can take care of the cut above your eyebrow and your lip."

Rezar for the first time frowned at Tasha. He wasn't expecting her to notice his cuts. As if she was reading his mind the smaller woman spoke up.

"I notice everything follow me."

Tasha cleaned both his cuts as gently as she could Rezar kept one hand around her waist. After she cleaned them up she told him to get comfortable while she fixed their plates but he didn't listen. He stood to the side watching her fix their plates and drinks. While they sat and ate they would ask each other small questions.

It was pleasant conversation between the two. Tasha found out Rezar was the baby as well, has an MMA background, and is a Gemini. Being a Gemini was his one strike he had with her. Rezar found out Tasha had a bad ex that's why she's guarded. In his mind if he ever seen her ex he was going to break his jaw. Maybe worse. No Rezar no violent thoughts.

Found out Tasha used to be a nurse and has a few degrees under her belt. She's a virgo as well explains a lot he thought to himself. During the dinner Tasha found herself staring at the big man and couldn't help smiling. Same thing with Rezar couldn't wipe the smile off his face which was very rare to see.

Only Tasha made him smile big. While they ate dessert and watched Wayans Tasha opened the card and frowned seeing the money.

"I'm not taking it back. That's for you to keep."

Tasha was highly confused by Rezar. She didn't know if she was going crazy or was she putting shit together. Rezar was making her guard come down and she couldn't fight it. As hard as she was fighting it she had a feeling. Was she okay with it? No. Was she going to fight it some more? Yes.

AN: FLUFF. SUCKS. BEFORE THEY BECAME SERIOUS AND BEFORE ARDIAN!!! TEDDY BEAR 😭😭😭😭😭

[thoughtfulpaperback]

My 5 Television/Movie Cushes

I will preface this list by saying that most of my crushes are on the fictional characters rather than the actors, except for the first. I am weird because I can think the character is cute and have a crush on them, but the actor or actress that plays them I dont have a crush on... like i have seperated them in my mind somehow, but still appreciate that they are good looking but not interested in them. Now in no particular order:

1. Cesar Evora

My first ever crush was on Cesar Evora. I was so confused. It was 1998 and he was a priest on El Privilegio de Amar (The privilege of loving). At first I was just like "He is good and nice to look at, is it wierd that I like looking at a priest so much!?!", But then in 2002, he was in Entre el Amor y el Odio (between love and hate). It was the first televison show I was ever committed to. I didn't miss a single episode. It was also my introduction to sex at a very tender age. Specifically a sexual cesar evora who I started watching the show to see again... and continued to watch to see MORE of him... a lot more. I had feelings and curiosities I knew nothing of and pretty much continued to watch anything he was in just to see him.

2. Katara (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

Katara was my third tv crush and It was weird because like while novelas and other dramas had been my introduction to sex/attraction/relationships which were all heterosexual and real people, I had no problem being head over heels for Katara. I thought she was beautiful. I could watch reruns of just her water bending for hours if possible. The way she moved and how kind and brave and strong she was, ugh. Like two years into the crush my friend pointed out that I might be too obsessed with her, and should shut that down. So I stopped watching the show. The older me eventually watched the whole series and realized my friend was an ass and really what harm was a tv crush on an animated character doing anyways.

3. Daniel Meade (Ugly Betty)

My very first ship and OTP was Detty. Honestly, Daniel Meade was my first-sorta- problematic crush. I didnt see a problem but others did. He was immature and could be a real jerk in the beginning (sometimes even later on too although not in the same way) but then he would do all these little and big things for betty and/or his mom and I would just swoon. Plus the sad puppy eyes. Heart eyes every damn time. Like I loved him and would defend his character even when he did something stupid. And like I understood what toxic and problematic relationships were and looked like. I did not like the Cole x Phoebe relationship on Charmed although I loved the Cole as a tragic character. But I didn't get those vibes from Daniel and Betty. And I just loved daniel to pieces. I think Eric Mabius just brought a lot to the character too and i just appreciate the work and writing that went into Daniel's character arch.

4. Mr. Darcy/Bridget Jones

Okay so, I love pride and prejudice and every iteration pretty much. But the Bridget Jones's diary had me all sorts of messed up and in love with the two main characters. There is no better Darcy than Colin Firth who can pull off being two different Darcy's in a career and be incredibly charming, awkward, and amazingly handsome as both. I just loved this Darcy and I just wanted to kiss his face even when he was jerkish. Bridget...OMG. talk about problematic crush. She was just such a mess. But I loved her. She had a real normal person body and I was just fascinated with that. She was a drinker, smoker (total real life turn offs for me), and not smart when it came to men, But she was bold, honest, a total klutz, funny, awkward, inappropriate, and just so damn resilient. I was equally awed and enamored with her as Darcy.

4. Harry Greenwood ( Charmed [2018])

My good God. Knowledgeable, dorky, can dodge a flying projectile and sustain massive amounts of damage, and the first male (in a female centric show) who isnt relegated to being passive or sidelined because the writers don't know how to write males interacting with females without making them problematic. I love and would die for Harry. His aesthetic is like killing me and just everything about him makes me want to hug him and never let go.

5. Prue Halliwell (Charmed [1998])

Okay so you know that point in you life where you dont understand crushes and sexuality since you are a young bean and the world has not yet tried to discourage "wrong" or "shameful" feelings. My second tv crush was at that point. Prue just freaking got me: The oldest sibling taking care of her younger siblings, a bit controlling, held a lot in. I mean in some ways I wanted to grow up to be her, because I mean she was just so beautiful, intelligent, POWERFUL, and capable. Good lord, I just loved looking at her back then. I loved watching the show and just thought she was the prettiest, best, and most amazing character on tv. Now I love her for more reasons, but when i first saw the show those where my feelings. Also I don't think any sort of sexuality or attraction is wierd shameful or wrong. Just sharing that old experience or my tv crush.

What about y'all? Who were/are your tv and film crushes? Do y'all remember the first ones?

[kachuwritings]

Seventeen as dads

This is going to be my 200 follower special requested by a lovely anon, thank you!~

I made it with bullet points, I hope you’ll enjoy!^-^

S.Coups:

The born dad, I tell you

Searching for the perfect dad?

Here he his

Choi Seungcheol aka daddy af ;)

Is already a dad of 11, so he's experienced

He'll always know what to do, like in every situation

Has a solution for literally everything

Will care so much about your kids

He always has everything ready that your son or daughter might need when going out

Literally so protective over you and the kids

Like a momma lion, if someone steps too close to you he'll attacc

But so fluffy~ towards you and the lil ones

He loves you and the kids to no end

Will teach your son to be manly and strong

Like him

Cuz he's manly and strong (but also so fluffy and he knows he can't hide it)

Is such a happy dad overall

Jeonghan:

Prettiest dad ever

Like have you seen him???

Your kids are gonna be pretty af

Them genes gurl

He'll definitely teach them being smug

But also lazy

And you're like: “Hannie noooo! Be a better role model"

But he'll just keep lying down and munching chips with the kids

They'll love him so much for this

But honestly, he'll be a great dad

Will always take care of the kids

Will teach them useful things

Like cheating their way to success *cough*

But seriously tho!! He'll be such a good dad and he'll love it

Always ready to braid or comb his daughter’s hair

Adores her hair and thinks back to the time when his hair was long

You and him will have the prettiest kids with the most beautiful hair

Joshua:

Dorkiest dad ever

Always gentle and nice tho

But can be low-key a lil bitch

Your kids will love him

Always sings them to sleep with his sweet voice while playing guitar

And you're sitting next to him, adoring him and asking yourself how you've become so lucky

Such a good dad

Like for real

He's like one of these role model dads

Going on bike rides with the kids

And teaching them how to swim

Playing games

Just being a dad

It's like his new fav thing to do

And you're glad he's around so much even tho he has such a busy schedule

Will force your kids to go to church with him (ok this is joke chill guys)

You couldn't wish for a better dad

Like Really.

Jun:

The duality of this dude will even confuse his children

One time he'll be a shy lil muffin dad

And another one he'll be an overconfident daddy-o

Don’t get fooled by this one

He'll always keep it interesting

Your kids will never be bored with him

Is a talented beb and will probably teach your kids everything they want to

He can act so he’ll probably teach your children how to act

They’ll be asking him to do improvisations and watch him act out different roles

It’s so entertaining and you realize once again how amazing your man Wen Junhui is

Like….so so soooo amazing

Is SOFT

Like so soft for you and the kids

Also low-key emotional

Don't let him cry in front of the kids or they'll get worried lmao

But you'll be such a happy family

He'll teach you and the kids everything about Chinese culture

And of course your kids will grow up being able to speak mandarin

Even if you don't stan Wen Junhui, believe me you'd want kids with him

Hoshi:

FunNieSt DaD eVer

Like Hoshi is such a cinnamon roll

He'll adore your kids to no end

Always makes them laugh and is able to cheer them up when they're sad

Probably teaches them how to dance

Like gurl, you're married to a choreographer or course your children are going to love dancing with their dad

BeCauSE

Look at this good-looking, talented, lil bun

Such a proud dad

Your children are equally as proud of him

BuTttt

Hoshi is a cinnamon roll...most of the time

There's these rare occasions when he'll get angry because he's overworked and stressed and loses his temper

Can be reallll scary when angry

Your children will be low-key shocked about his sudden change of demeanor

But he'll notice and be like: Omg I cAnT posSibLy scAre mY oWn cHildRen

And he'll immediately calm down and comfort your kids

He's a loving dad and would feel really guilty to have scared them momentarily

Wonwoo:

Ayyyyy I see him as such a cute and nerdy dad

Like, always wears his glasses and looking fluffy af

You and the kids gotta deal with his occasional dad jokes

Thinks is funny, but really isn't

He even isn't funny to a point where it becomes funny again

Buys cute lil glasses for your children to match him

You get one too, believe me

You'll be the perfect nerd family

He'll always sit with the children in the evening and reads them stories from books to fall asleep to

Since Wonwoo loves books, your children will come to love them as well

Already at a young age

Probably eager to teach your children how to read before they even enter school

I see him as this typical, cute, fluffy, nerdy dad

+SOFT AF

Woozi:

Oh oh, don't get me started with this one

Your children are going to LOVE music

He’ll teach them how to play instruments

he'll play the sweetest of melodies on the piano

Will also sing to your children when they can't fall asleep

He might look cold and unemotional

Or kinda hard on the outside

But the love he holds inside his heart for you and the kids is infinite

He might not show his affection a lot

And also is kind of a workaholic kinda dad

Because he loves his job and music and he's so dedicated

But

If he does show his affection and become clingy and cuddly

You'll feel how much your family means to him

Probably writes a song about you and the kids

You guys are his inspiration and motivation

You help him keep going

In total

Just a cute lil dad who wants to love and be loved

Also kinda manly at times tho

But overall a really caring dad

DK:

Damn...he's such a loud dad

Like sooooo loud

Probably screams louder than all your children combined

Will always play with them

They probably gonna have a screaming contest

Y'all be playing some game and he'll randomly start screaming and entertaining y’all

He's such a fun dad seriously

Always knows what your children want

And always ready to spoil them

Is also soFT

And emotional

Is sensitive and gets hurt easily

Will then sulk and pout at your kids (in a joking manner) until they feel guilty and shower him with hugs

ALWAYS TAKES YOUR KIDS ON PIGGY-BACK RIDES 1.0

And he's definitely also one of these dads who'll sing your children to sleep

Maybe you'll even join him and you'll sing together

But you also just want to listen to his beautiful voice

Is probably the most excited dad ever

Mingyu:

This tall bean lmao

Such a clumsy dad I tell you

He's a literal puppy

He's also such a big baby and he always seems to trip over his own feet

Your children will probably laugh at him tbh

But he won't be mad since he's happy he can entertain them

Even if he makes a fool out of himself

ALWAYS TAKES YOUR KIDS ON PIGGY-BACK RIDES 2.0

Like they'll love to have such a great view over the world from such a high spot

Cuz Mingyu is as tall ad a mountain

Yup

He's a fluffy bean and will make sure his children are always happy

He loves cooking for y'all

He'll cook so many delicious foods

Your children get excited and want to help him

So he'll teach them how to cook

It's such a sweet sight seeing your man cooking with your children in the kitchen

He's the kind of Disney prince dad

Like the perfect and most handsome dad ever

You couldn't wish for anything better

Minghao:

A smug dad tbh

He's a savage but also a lil bean

Such an innocent dad help

He's emotional and so caring

He'll give you and your children the whole freaking world

Always makes sure you’re all happy

Hates to see any of you unhappy

But sometimes...sometimes...

When thughao gets through to him

Your kids will be like what??just??happened???with???dad???

He'll have the most savage things to say and y'all are just lmao u for real?

Probably teaches your kids to be swaggy and savage

Also wants to teach them how to b-boy

The other half of chinaline, so your kids will grow up to know how to speak mandarin as well

Also loves to read to them like Wonwoo

Discusses books with you and the children like in a small book club

Also goes to art museums with y'all and teach you about art

You'll all draw and paint together

Your children will love to throw paint at the canvas, lemme tell you

IT'LL CREATE A MESS

But it's a happy mess, so it's okay

Coolest dad ever!!!

Fite me on this one

Seungkwan:

OVERDRAMATIC DAD OH LORD

If one of your children trips and scratches his knee

He'll act as if they're about to die

Rushes towards them and makes sure they're okay

“OMG MY BABY IS HURT"

he's so caring istg

Even if he's overreacting and overdramatic

It only shows how much he cares for all of you

Loves you and the kids to no end

Sweetest father ever

(Whenever he's not in diva!boo mode)

Also has a beautiful voice

Of course I won't forget about this

I've mentioned it a lot

BuTtttt

Will also sing your children to sleep

Will always sing

Like 24/7

Will sing when preparing breakfast for y'all

Will sing in the shower

Will sing when picking your children up from kindergarden

Will probably even sing while taking a nap istg this boi

But you and the kids love his voice

(Even if it's sometimes a lil much)

But they'll definitely want to sing along with him so he'll teach them how to sing the songs they like

So proud of you and the kids

Vernon:

Oh no this dork

He's soooooft

But also chill and relaxed

Your life will be so comfortable with him

Your kids will really take after him

Y'all are going to have lazy family movie evenings

But

Like I said

He's a dork

Probably tries to sell his mixtape to your children

And they'll be like

Dadd????

What is this???

We don't have any money???

He'll make them listen to the mixtape along with you

And they're so surprised like

Omg I didn't know my dad was so cool

He can rap??? My dad can rap???

Your kids will be so amazed

Want him to teach them how to rap

Probably writes funny little rhymes about your family life or other stuff that he'll rap to your kids

They'll have so much fun

He even tries to teach them how to write lyrics

But they'll just stare at him with big eyes

Like

Dad...how do you even write? What is the alphabet?

And you'll just look at them and giggle to yourself

Your life will be all around great with Vernon and the kids

You have such a chill family life

Y'all harmonize so well with each other

Chillest dad ever

Like your kids will never get in trouble because he's so chill

But still cares about teaching your children proper manners

Dino:

Aaaaah the baby himself has babies what

Ok i'm sorry

Chan is an adult now

He's a hard-working one

Very passionate

Very thoughtful dad

He'll know how to treat you and the children right

Your children look up to him tbh

Entertains you all with Michael Jackson impersonations

DaNcE GoD

Will probably teach your children how to dance like Hoshi

But they'll also be so eager about it

Every time they see him dance they're like

OMG DAD!!! TEACH US!!

DAD I WANNA KNOW HOW TI DANCE

And he'll be so proud

Will definitely teach them

It's gonna be so much fun and you're watching them trying to get the moves right and copying his movements

He's an active and motivated dad

Y'all are probably be the next new dancing family in town

[golddaggers]

Crazy In Love

pairings: stiles x reader; lydia x reader.

warnings: fingering, masturbation (female and male receiving), oral sex (female and male receiving), sex, cursing, slightly daddy kink and mostly NSFW +18. if you’re under eighteen, don’t tell your parents.

a/n: well, this was a first, so I truly hope y'all enjoy it!

word count: 5,2k+

Notebooks, pens, books and bags were all scattered across my room’s big desk as my best friend, Lydia Martin, tried to explain to me a math exercise I had no idea how I should solve. She had her long strawberry blonde hair up in a messy bun, her green eyes sparkling with excitement whilst babbling how I should divide the square x to turn into something I didn’t quite know. To be honest, I was a bit lost; not because she was a bad teacher, but due to my mind constantly going straight to my very handsome boyfriend, Stiles Stilinski.

We had been together for almost six months now and I was incredibly happy to be with him. He was adorably caring, understanding, a perfect gentleman! Stiles fulfilled every single detail I could ever dream in a partner. Without sounding like a complete dork, he was truly my soulmate, which might misguide you to think we don’t have problems; it isn’t true. There was one very embarrassing thing that was bothering me a lot lately: sex. More specifically, the lack of it.

At first, it was all perfect; I mean, damn, Stilinski! He has a way with those pretty lips of his that gets my legs all wobbly and, man, don’t even get me started on the rest. We had an undeniable chemistry, yet, in the last month, he apparently lost the interest in me. Also, it wasn’t like I hadn’t tried to get the brown haired man to notice I wanted to go further than our heated make out sessions… Nevertheless, Stiles seemed to have developed an immunity to my seduction tactics. Or, maybe, I just wasn’t good at turning him on as I thought I was. Yes, that was probably it.

An annoyed sigh left my lips as I dropped my pen on the desk, leaning back against the cushioned chair. Lydia, due to my sudden actions, quickly stopped talking to glare at me confused, her arms tightly crossed against her chest.

“What is wrong with you?” She quizzed, one of her small hands touching my knee. “You have been acting weird all day long…”

“Uh, it’s nothing.” I shook my head effusively, knowing perfectly already that she wouldn’t buy my answer.

“Come on, we’re friends. Tell me!”

“No, Lyds. It's… It’s embarrassing.” Biting my bottom lip, I lowered my gaze to the floor, feeling a flush spread across my cheeks. “Let’s just go back to math.”

“Is it between you and Stiles?” The blonde cocked one of her eyebrows, curiosity infused on her traits. “It is, isn’t it?”

“If I say it is, will you quit it?”

“We both know I won’t. Just spill the beans, please!”

“Fine. It’s not really a big deal, well, sort of, but I, I think Stiles doesn’t find me attractive any more.”

Lydia stared at me seriously for a split second before breaking down into a cheerful laughter, her digits sliding up my thigh, which, by the way, was making me a little bit nervous. Moving uncomfortably on my seat, I frowned; there was nothing funny on what said, why the hell was she like that?

“Why are you laughing?”

“Because you’re silly!” The girl rolled her eyes, smiling gently at me afterwards. “Of course he finds attractive. You’re his girlfriend and, believe me, there’s no way he wouldn’t think you’re hot.”

“Really?”

“Trust me, you’re gorgeous and he’s probably just worried with the things that’s going on.”

“You think so?”

The girl nodded, giving me a playful wink, then returning to her books. I licked my suddenly dry lips; she was right. I just didn’t know how to crack my partner back to me. That was it. Maybe… Oh! A wide smile grew in my lips whilst I moved forward to poke Lydia on the shoulder.

If there was anyone who could help me getting into someone’s pants, that someone was Lydia Martin. She was simply skilful on getting what she wanted, no matter how hard it was: plus, let’s be honest, that beautiful woman was a lot more experienced than I was. No doubt in that, actually.

“Can you help me?”

“Help you with what, darling?”

“You know… Seducing him. Maybe my kiss is boring or I’m a bad kisser, I don’t know. He tolerated at first but now he doesn’t want it any more.”

“Well, I don’t you think you are a bad kisser, but if you are so desperate, show me.”

“Show you? Do you mean, like, kissing you?” My eyes were wide to her proposal, my mouth slightly parted in shock. Was my best friend indeed asking for me to kiss her? “Are you serious?”

“Yes. It’s not a big deal, Y/N, plus, it’s not like I haven’t kissed girls before.”

“B-But-”

The strawberry blonde woman did not let me finish, instead, she pressed her soft pink lips on mine, her lip gloss smudging both of our faces. I was completely astounded to even react, but, hell, although it was wrong, because, technically, I was cheating on my boyfriend, it felt incredibly good; her hands cupped my cheeks as Lydia licked my bottom lip, the girl’s warm tongue pushing inside my mouth with ease. I felt like my whole form was being lit on fire.

In the end, I surrendered to her overwhelming touch, replying her fond action with an unknown hunger. To be honest, my whole head was fuzzy due to the growing desire within me. The woman’s hair fell from the bun, framing beautifully her flawless face, when I stuck my digits on her hair, pulling it lightly. She, after air became necessary, broke the contact, descending to suck on my neck, moaning lowly against my skin; this was such a huge rush, I had no strength to deny it. My entire body was pulsating, excited.

Her hands found the hem of my shirt, stealthily sneaking inside, making me shudder. I couldn’t believe what I was doing. Of course the thought had ran across my mind once, maybe twice, but, until now, I never thought I’d feel this tingly for a girl, let alone my best friend.

“L-Lyds-” I managed to blurt out, a little before her hands found the hook of my bra. “What are we doing?”

“I’m proving you’re a good kisser.” Lydia whispered, unclasping the hook and freeing my breasts. “And a few other things too.”

“Don’t you think this is wrong?”

“No, no at all.” Her palms were now cupping my breasts, her fingers pinching at my hardened nipples. “Consider this as a teaching class.”

“How is you touching me like that, oh fuck, teaching me how to seduce Stiles?”

“I never said this had that purpose.”

At leisure, Lydia got rid of my tank top, allowing my breasts to bounce free in front of her. Fuck, the second she pierced her burning green eyes on me, I felt like the hottest thing in the world. And from that point on, I knew I would let her do anything she wanted to me. No matter what the consequences would be.

She kissed my stomach, exploring every inch she could until her lips wrapped around my right peak, her smoothness getting me all worked up. My nails scratched the back of her neck, which caused her to wince at the minor pain, but, either way, it didn’t stop her tongue from swirling around the sensitive spot. I could already feel my hips moving, seeking friction.

Upon noticing how uncomfortable I was, Lydia pulled away with pop, earning thwarted whine from me; the woman solely smirked to the sound I made, quickly starting to unbutton the denim shorts I had on. Whilst rolling them to pool by my ankles, I felt the butterflies gathering at the pit of my stomach, all pretty ready to riot due to what was happening.

“P-Please, Lydia.” I stammered, buckling forwards, trying to get her face where I needed her. “I-I need it.”

“Didn’t you say it was wrong?” Lydia quizzed, her fingers playing with the waistband of my laced underwear; I simply bit my lip, sliding forward on the chair to get closer to the knelt figure of my friend. “Poor baby, you want me to take care of you so badly, don’t you?”

“I do.” The whisper was barely audible, yet, it imbued Martin to brush her digits on my already wet entrance. “Fuck…”

Being extra delicate on her movements, the gorgeous woman pushed my knickers to one side, finally freeing my wet core. Upon seeing me so vulnerable, a delighted hum fell from her lips; then, amazing me with how smooth she was, the girl slided one of her fingers inside my throbbing pussy, her thumb circling slowly around my swollen nub. The pleasure made me throw my head back, moaning her name a couple of times.

My first thought was that she handled me, uh, a bit different than Stiles; normally he would be a little more straight to the business, not much teasing. Nonetheless, they were both pretty good at going down on someone. Matter fact, my entire form reacted to my imagination picturing them both working their way on me.

Her digits faced no problem to slip in and out of me and they were going at such a fast pace my mind went blank a few times. However, nothing had prepared me to see her gluing her perfectly shaped lips on my clit, slurping at it like it was the most delicious sweet in the shop.

“Shit, Lyds. That’s so good, don’t stop…”

I gripped at each side of the chair I was sitting, my jaw clenched as I tried to suppress the sighs that insisted on escaping, but it was useless. The more she mercilessly used her tongue against me, more the coil on my lower stomach got closer and closer to bursting.

Right when I was about to lose myself in an incredible orgasm, my room’s door was unexpectedly swung open, revealing the pale frame of my handsome boyfriend, his cheeks flushing once he realised what was happening. I tensed up, closing my legs on my friend’s face, not knowing exactly what I should do now.

“Shit, sorry.” He slammed the door shut, only to open it again a few seconds later. “Actually, I’m not sorry. You’re my girlfriend. What the hell is going on here?”

Lydia was still on her knees when she span to look at Stiles, who, by the way, had an adorable angry face on. I swallowed thickly, kicked the pieces of clothing by my ankles, then stood up, a bit embarrassed that I had been caught fucking the girl I called friend. This was definitely not how things were supposed to go down.

“Baby…”

“You and… Lydia?” He muttered, his arms crossed over his chest, showing off his toned muscles. I cupped his cheeks, getting his honey coloured eyes to connect with mine. “Why?”

“Because she thinks you don’t want to fuck her, that’s why.” The strawberry blonde replied, pouting, as she went back to her feet, standing beside me. “I was just making sure my friend knows-”

“Lydia!”

Stiles directed me a confused glare, not getting why was the girl saying those stuff when I myself hadn’t brought it up on one of our late night conversations. Me and Stiles were proud to be the kind of couple that shared everything that went across our minds, knowing the other would be on board of changing to make things work. But this? I couldn’t tell him that. I felt ashamed and embarrassed.

The brown haired boy placed his large hands on my waistline, thumbs massaging my bare skin, pushing me into feeling jitters running throughout my body. It isn’t the right time to be turned on, Y/N, I heard my mind telling me. Either way, I couldn’t help it. This must be the wrongest day on my entire life.

“Why would you think that?”

“Y-You didn’t want to, you know, and I thought…”

“Listen, have you checked yourself in the mirror? You are the most beautiful woman I could ever wish for and, sometimes, I have to really control myself so I don’t fuck you in front of everyone.”

“Then why-”

“Because a lot was happening, I had so many things to worry… I didn’t want to make to love to you when I was not one hundred percent committed.”

“Oh, fuck, I love you.”

Without hesitation, I threw myself into his embrace, feeling his arms knot behind my small back, making our bodies mold into another another. His warmth was so nice I felt I could live within his hug, forever feeling his fingers lingering on my form. He said a muffled ‘I love you’ in my hair, his upturned nose poking my temple; suddenly, I felt so happy this awkward situation hadn’t turned into something more serious.

He pressed his lips into mine softly, eliciting a small smirk to spread fastly. However, our minutes in paradise were suddenly cut short due to an angry huff coming from my right, then I came to the realisation we weren’t completely alone.

“Would the couple like for me to leave them alone?”

“Actually…” Stiles said, a naughty smile growing wide on his face. “I have a better idea.”

“Is that so, lover boy?” She quizzed, her pink lips still forming a line on her face. “What is it?”

“Well, since my adorable girl here has been on a such dry spell, why don’t we give her what she truly deserves?”

“Excuse me?” I intervened, mouth gaped open in surprise to my boyfriend’s proposition. “You’re actually saying we should have a menàge?”

“I think it’s a good idea, Stiles.” The blonde grinned, moving to stand behind me, her hands gripping my hips.”She needs proper care. Lots and lots of orgasms to make it up for the time lost.”

“Uh, guys, this isn’t going to make things weird, right?”

“Stop thinking.” The pair stated bluntly, both shaking their heads.

“We’re here. Right now. Let’s enjoy it, okay?”

“Fine, but don’t hold this on me later, okay, Stiles?”

“Don’t worry.”

Lydia massaged the sides of my body, going at leisure to the bit that needed her the most. Once she finally quitted taunting me, her small hand attached itself to my clit, not thinking twice before drawing small figure eights on it. The mere touch made me heave, my head falling to the right side, allowing me to observe the handsome brown haired man standing next to me. His honey coloured eyes were hard, almost eating me alive.

I bit my bottom lip, a strangled moan escaping my throat.Stiles solely smiled, giving me a wink; that, by the way, made me gasp. Only that Stilinski could pull that off and still make girls crazy about him.

“Stiles… Come here, please.” My voice was barely audible, nonetheless, he came right way, his long fingers brushing my sensitive skin. “Uh, this is so good, Lyds.”

The woman dipped a finger into me, causing my form to tremble under her touch, my hands reaching for support on the desk so I could keep standing.

“Why did you call him, Y/N?” Lydia quizzed, her voice mellow and soft. Her stride painfully slow. “What do you want him to do you?”

“I-I want… Kiss me. Please.”

“By all means, sweetheart.”

Stiles nodded, agreeing, and removed me from the girl’s hands, which brought up a thwarted whine to fall from my mouth. Yet, I wasn’t given much time to assimilate the lack of fingers inside me, because my boyfriend quickly smashed his mouth on mine, kissing me with an unknown hunger, grip strong on my waist, probably leaving marks behind as they roamed throughout my frame. It was plainly rough, but so powerful that it actually caused me to twitch.

“I love the way you look when you’re all surrendered, you know?” He muttered, grabbing my ass and pecking my lips one more time; afterwards, he began scattering butterfly kisses on my face, his stubble burning against my skin. “So beautiful.”

“Okay, my turn!”

“Let’s not forget she’s my girlfriend.”

“No fighting, okay? Right now I belong to both of you.”

I cupped their cheeks, planting a small kiss on Stiles’ lips first, then one on Lydia’s. The pair let a goofy grin slip, bringing one to my face as well. And it was true, in this moment, I was theirs.

My boyfriend pulled away clumsily to get undressed, kicking his clothes to unknown places of my bedroom; whilst he was absent, the strawberry blonde took the time to latch onto one of nipples, sucking at it like there was no tomorrow. The squeaks that left my throat due to her constant actions were nearly shameful. God, she was good at this. I grabbed her neck, pulling her to kiss me, a wet, sloppy kiss.

“God, this is hot…” Stiles groaned, his hand slowly pumping his semi-hard length. “You two are so fucking beautiful together.”

I cupped her breasts through her thin shirt, her turgid peaks letting me know she was just turned on as I was. Our mouths met again, only this time I snatched her bottom lip with mine, biting it with ease. The girl hummed, in approval, and so did my boyfriend, causing my pussy to throb in response. I couldn’t help it, his groans were so bloody sexy that most of the time I actually conceived cumming to that alone. Those raspy, uncontrollable sounds simply drove me crazy.

“Come on, love.” I requested, the sight of his hand bobbing up and down making my mouth water. “Let me help you with that.”

The broad shouldered, mole speckled boy approached me and Lydia, his traits soaked in pure temptation and desire. My eyes fell to his fully hard dick, my hands itching to touch it, to give him pleasure; Stiles, upon seeing my gaze, took my hands into his, guiding it to touch his warm, pulsating member. My thighs quickly glued together, rubbing to find friction in order to dim the sudden fire between my legs.

I spat on my palm, then, with no hurries, I began to masturbate him, slowly massaging his cock to provide him the necessary satisfaction. The girl in front of me used her knee to spread my legs further, her agile digits briskly rubbing my pussy.

“Ly-Lyds, uh-” Lydia slammed three fingers into me, my slickness making it all easier. “Shit, babe.”

“Do you like how I fuck you, Y/N?”

“Yes. You fuck me so good, Lydia. J-Just keep going.”

Stiles’ lips searched for mine avidly, his hands roughly kneading my boobs; that, combined with the overwhelming action happening on my centre, made the knot on my lower half get tighter, my body growing more tensed by the second. Fuck, I could swear I was seconds away from exploding.

“Oh, please don’t stop, I’m gonna’…”

“Cum to Lydia, baby girl.” Stiles whispered on my ear, pushing my hand away from his cock to intertwine our fingers, to reassure I was feeling good. I moaned to the feeling of his calloused hand on mine. To her thumb circling my clit. To the three fingers pumping in and out of me. The whole thing was simply working to send me over the edge. “That’s it, honey, just let it all go.”

And I did. God, I did.

All it took for me break down was a few more thrusts and a good suck on my soft nub, then the orgasm hit me hard in pleasureful waves, continuously pumping throughout my veins lacking mercy. I felt my body grow numb as I screamed Lydia’s name, feeling the high contract and relax my muscles; my toes were curled, my back was arched while my head rested on my boyfriend’s shoulder. Fuck, I had missed this. So damn much.

The woman smiled at me, her perfect lips glistening whilst she withdrew her fingers, my walls still pulsating. I chuckled tiredly, allowing my form to accommodate on the warmness of Stiles’ embrace, feeling his needy mouth already attached to my neck. Of course I knew it wasn’t over, if anything, this was only the beginning.

“This was interesting.” Lydia stated, back on a standing position. “And you taste delicious, by the way.”

“Thank you, sweetheart. But, just one thing, you’re overdressed. Don’t think so, Stiles?”

He agreed with a hum, his attention entirely stuck on playing with my hardened nipples, his digits pinching it lightly. Wearing her best smirk, the strawberry blonde shrugged, not hesitating to get rid of her clothes, showing off her slim, but curvy, frame. After her denim shorts alongside her thin pink tank top were thrown in a small pile on the ground, Lydia came to me, locking our lips together again. During it, I slided carelessly my hands down her back, stopping at the curve of her ass to give a good squeeze.

Damn, she was smooth.

I pushed myself back, grinding against Stiles’ length that was hard against my ass. The brown haired man hoarsely chuckled, grasping my hip with one hand and slapping my butt cheek with another. I moaned instantaneously to his sudden action.

“Outch, daddy.”

“Don’t call me that.” Stiles grumbled, palm striking again, this time slapping my core. “You know what it does to me.”

“I was just joking, you know, no need to be bossy.”

“Come on, you two, drop the act and let’s get this to bed, shall we?”

“If you so, Miss Martin, I agree.”

The brown haired Stilinski collected me from the ground harshly, gripping the back of my thighs so I could wound them around his waist. Laughing, I linked my arms behind his neck whilst he walked us to my bed, dropping my body onto the soft mattress as soon as we were close enough.

I glanced at him, licking my bottom lip; Stiles mirrored my actions as he yanked my ankles to get my lower half on the end of the bed and spreaded my legs apart, his fingers teasingly touching my entrance.

“Oh, baby, Lydia got you so wet, didn’t she?”

“Yes.” My breathing was ragged and the strawberry blonde’s palms cupping my breasts didn’t help at all. Nor did my boyfriend’s tip poking my clit. “Both of you, actually.”

“Is that so, honey?” Martin asked on my ear, her voice sending shudders down my spine. “Tell me, then, are ready for another one?”

“Fuck, I don’t know, I’m still-”

In a sudden movement, Stiles inserted his tip inside me, his hands pinning my hips down so it would go further. I moaned out loud, gripping the close sheets, my nails digging it deep. I hadn’t seen that coming, but, god, it was good. The feeling of him inside me, even if it wasn’t entirely, was… Well, indescribable.

“Kiss him.” I requested, after seeing the beautiful girl on only her underwear rubbing herself. She should be pleased as well, everyone in the room should. “And you, darling, help her too. While you bury that pretty dick of yours inside me.”

“I love when you talk dirty to me, baby girl.” The pale boy massaged my hip bones with his thumbs, going deeper within me. “How does it feel?”

“Amazing.”

Lydia stood on her knees, moving towards to Stiles, who, in a blink of eye, pressed his lips onto hers, sharing a very sensual kiss. I whined, guiding my fingers to my throbbing clit, as I watched my boyfriend sneak his hand inside the blue laced panties the strawberry blonde had on. She exhaled loudly to his skilful touch, throwing her head back and grasping her covered breasts. Shit, this must have been the sexiest scene my eyes had ever seen.

The brown haired boy, so far, was going at a slow stride, his cock going in and out at such leisure, I had to buckle my hips forward, only do the friction increase. Stiles pulled away from my friend, removing the glistening fingers from her knickers, causing the girl to complain, and ceased his movements inside me, earning an annoyed huff. So typical of him…

“Why did you stop?”

“Because, in this position, I set rules.”

“Is that so, Stiles?”

“Yes.”

“Let’s switch them, I will gladly ride that dick of yours good and show how it’s done.”

A dull pain spread on my pussy when my boyfriend pulled out, crawling the bed to lie on its middle. I bit my bottom lip, watching him so vulnerable kind of made me hot. Then, an idea popped into my mind, driving me into sharing with Lydia a naughty smirk; I needn’t to say anything for the girl to comprehend what I was aiming for. Therefore, she followed my lead, we both moving to make eye contact with the prominent length in front of us.

I quickly devoured his tip, swirling my tongue around the swollen head, tasting the salty pre-cum slipping from it. The strawberry blonde went for his balls, applying there delicate kisses, probably like the ones she used on me, as she cupped them. Stiles soon turned into a groaning mess, his hands tight around the fistful he collected of my hair. I swallowed even further, his gland lodged on the back of my throat, which made me gag a couple of times. Either way, I started to press his cock between my lips, humming against it, while Lydia pumped what I couldn’t fit into my mouth.

In need for air, I pulled out, a string of saliva connecting me to his dick. I smiled at him, leaning forward again to lick his slit, noticing him twitch. Soon enough, his red end was back into my hot mouth, his sexy sounds filling the room.

“Fuck, if you keep going, I’m gonna…”

“Already, babe?” I questioned, both mine and Lydia’s palms still massaging his length. “Shoot, just because it was getting good.”

“You’re so mean.” My friend commented, a pretty smirk enlightening her traits. Stiles chuckled in the background. “But your hotness makes it worth it.”

She stole a sloppy kiss from me, clamping my bottom lip between hers and letting go slowly, erupting a rather loud gasp to fall from my lips. I withdrew my hands from my boyfriend to place them on her waist, getting her body closer to mine.

“Touch her, Y/N.” The brown haired man abruptly said. “You know she needs it.”

I gazed to Stiles, who had a lewd smirk plastered on his face, then back to her.

“I-I…”

“It’s not going to bite you.” Lydia reassured, her green eyes liquid when they met mine. “Just do it like you do it on yourself.”

My boyfriend sighed, standing behind me on his knees; afterwards, once he was settled, he guided my hand to the strawberry blonde’s warm core, using it to masturbate the girl. She quickly arched her back, moaning my name loudly, which contributed to make my hips wiggle; Stiles giggled, taking his sinful finger to work on my nub, teasingly pushing one inside me. As for me, I didn’t stop massaging Lydia for one second, hearing her whimpers of bliss as I dug further.

Pulling her panties to one side, I finally was able to contemplate that pretty pink pussy of hers, which, actually, was dripping wet from all the teasing. The sight made me lick my lips, my digits playing with her folds; She buckled her hips forward, eager to deepen the touch. And I… Well, the next steps were a bit challenging to me, for it would be my first time doing that.

However, the second I wrapped my mouth around her throbbing nub, I realised it wasn’t hard at all. To be honest, it felt like it was a skill that was inside of me all along and I just wasn’t aware of it. Plus, I seemed to be good at it, because Lydia was screaming like there was no tomorrow.

“You look so good eating me out, baby.”

“And you taste so good, Lyds.” Humming, I slided a finger up her entrance, my lips still over her nub. ���Also, keep doing that, Stiles, you’re so amazing at it…”

“Actually, I’m going to make this even better.”

Stiles pushed inside me without hesitation, his hands strong on my waistline. Under the feeling of being filled by him, I squealed loudly, digging my nails deep into Lydia’s inner thighs. Fuck, this time he wasn’t nice, actually, he was pounding into me so hard I was almost unable to keep going on Lydia, nonetheless, I managed to keep my fingers moving, my yelling muffled on her crotch.

The only sounds that could be heard within the room were the clapping of mine and Stiles’ skins as banged my brains off, me squeaking every time he hit a sweet spot and Lydia’s moans due to me kitten licking her slick entrance, fucking her with my fingers still. We were a complete mess. A pleasureful mess.

I could feel the coil on my lower stomach tightening, announcing the second orgasm was really, really close to get me wrecked.

“Shit, Y/N, you’re going to make me cum!” Lydia babbled, her legs tensing around me, her walls starting to clench. “Oh, my God!”

Her entire body trembled as she came undone under my touch; I kept licking her until she was all clean, free from the lubricant liquid dripping from her entrance. In the meantime, she kept yelling my name over and over; gaining a spot on the sexiest sounds I had heard. Jesus, this woman was sexy.

Without having even time to process, Stiles sharpened his thrusts, going at such a fast pace I was sure I would be sore once the rush was over. Nevertheless, the adrenaline was so addictive, I just let myself go, cumming harshly a little bit after he spilled himself inside my pussy, letting a few throaty moans slip, which may have caused a couple extra twitches.

The brown haired boy proceeded moving, riding us both out of our highs. After we were back, the three of us cuddled up on my bed, each one of them lying on a side beside me. Their beautiful eyes and smiles directed at me, driving a small blush to cover my cheeks.

“What?”

“Well, how you’re feeling?”

“Like I could use a snack.”

We laughed tiredly, our whole bodies covered in a thin layer of sweat. Stiles stroke my upper arm, pressing a kiss onto my cheek, like he did every single time we made love. My beautiful strawberry blonde friend, on the other hand, pulled me into a kiss, one I allowed pretty quickly.

“God, girls making out are so hot.”

“Shut up, Stiles.” Me and her joked, causing another fit of laughter spread across the room.

Lying on my back, I stretched my arms, which made Stiles’ cum drip out of me, making a wet sensation spread throughout my core. The low whimper I expressed after noticing it did not go out unnoticed.

“Look, Lyds, I think somebody is ready to go again.” My boyfriend stated hoarsely. “That pussy is all filled with my cum, isn’t it?”

“Fuck yeah, it is, daddy.” A small smile curled my lips. “Things are better wet, I guess, why don’t go to my bathroom to keep the fun going? What do you think?”

“I’m on board.” Lydia agreed, sitting upright on my bed.

“Me too, baby girl.”

“So… Come on.”

And, as Stiles placed me on his shoulder, the three of us engulfed in a great happiness, I realised the rest of the day was definitely going to be, well, wonderful.

[707morelikebreakmyheart]

RFA + Saeran and Kissing

YOOSUNG: -this boy has never had a girlfriend before so at first he’s very hesitant to kiss you -sure, he kissed you at the party but he was under a few drugs at the time because of his eye and he was feeling confident -but after everything calms down and you’re really together as a couple you’re the one to initiate most of the kisses since he’s n e r v o u s as hell -over time though he gains a little more confidence and wants to be more of a man to you so he starts taking the lead -forehead kisses, cheek smooches, kissing your hands, neck, face, everything he can get his lips on -( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡ °) -as time passes he now just casually leans over to you and puckers his lips obnoxiously until you kiss him -you pretend to be annoyed but you love him so much you just always kiss him back -one day you went to visit him at work to bring him lunch and when he saw you his heart was swelling with so much love for you that he just kissed you as soon as you walked into his office and you both just made out the entire time, the lunch you made for him left cold on his desk -his favorite type of kisses: forehead kisses, it makes him feel manly and they’re very sweet and full of pure loving intentions

ZEN: -you’re his first real partner in a long time so you best believe you’re getting all the smooches he can possibly give -he’s been touch starved for a while so he just usually smooches you whenever you’re near him -he loves it when he peppers kisses all over your face and you laugh and grin so wide -it makes his heart swell so much it feels like it’s gonna burst (in a good way) -he just loves kissing you so much!! -sometimes it can be overwhelming but you still accept all his kisses because why would you say no to zen?? he’s just a handsome boy trying his best!! -he’s also surprisingly not really extra when it comes to kissing -like you’ll come home for the grocery store and he’ll do one of those airport movie types of run to meet you at the doorway and then picks you up and spins you around while kissing you -“i missed you babe” -“zen we literally saw each other 30 minutes ago, zen- no stop crying” -despite those extra moments here and there his kisses are sweet and genuine you love him and he loves you and that’s all that matters -his favorite type of kisses: kissing your hand, because it makes him feel like your real knight in shining armor

JAEHEE: -isn’t a big fan of too much affection -sure she’ll give you a peck here and there but she never truly kisses you unless she’s feeling really affectionate or there’s a big occasion going on -it makes you sad at first but then you realize jaehee is just naturally not an affectionate person -after a while you give up on hoping that she’ll kiss you until you find it she l o v e s it when you kiss her -even though she ain’t a big fan of kissing you she’s a hella big fan of you kissing her -she lives for your kisses man, it’s what keeps her going during rough days at the cafe and just rough days in general -though she doesn’t kiss you on her own accord too often she’ll accept all of your kisses with open arms, though she’ll never admit it out loud she loves your smooches a lot -sometimes if you catch her at the right moment and pepper her face with kisses she’ll giggle while blushing and kiss you smack right on the mouth -it’s very rare though but when she does it your heart just loses it you love her so much f uck -please just kiss her, you have nothing to lose -her favorite types of kisses: when you kiss her cheek and it makes that cartoony smooching noise, it just makes her so happy??

JUMIN: -this man, oh boy, he fucking l i v e s for your kisses -since he believes in sex after marriage, kisses from you are what keep him sane in the meantime before your wedding night -you both are engaged but he still really wants to ravish you so kisses are what keep him at bay -he’s also been touch starved for most of his life due to his distrust of woman and just general cold nature that he’s had for most of his life so your sweet kisses are what he loves the most next to you and elizabeth the 3rd -he loves when you kiss him multiple times on his lips -it makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside and reminds him that you’re all his -he loves when y'all just have make out sessions in his office -they’re sweet and full of love most of the time but sometimes they can turn hot and messy but most of the time they’re just sweet and cute -one time when you were drunk out of your mind and laying on your shared bed while giggling about how funny elizabeth the 3rd’s ‘bean paws’ looked he was filled with so much love for you that he just kept kissing your face all over -your drunk self was beyond confused but you tried to kiss him back and in that stupid moment of you lazily returning his kisses he realized that he was truly and deeply in love with you -favorite types of kisses: it isn’t really a kiss but he loves when he’s about to kiss you on the mouth and you close your eyes and your breath hitches and he can see the anticipation written all over your face as you wait for him to collide his lip with yours. (also he loves kissing you on the head, it’s sweet and simple but it’s the only way he can show his affection for you without having to say it aloud)

SAEYOUNG: -you’d assume saeyoung loves kisses the most -and you’re right!! -he just loves feeling loved?? -even though there’s nights where he lays awake thinking about how he doesn’t deserve your love he still really enjoys it -he loves pressing his lips against yours and just showing you his love for you in a way he can without having to say it -he also loves the way you react to his kisses more than anything else in the world -like how your reactions range from sweet little giggles to high pitched whines -he l i v e s for when you kiss him. -whether it’d be an affection little kiss on the forehead or a hot messy sloppy kiss on the mouth it’s all worth the same to him, as long as they’re coming from you -sometimes when you ask for a kiss while he’s working he’ll ignore you and you’ll be upset for a little while but as soon as he finishes work he just bombards you with every type of kiss you can think of until you’re suffocating in them -”saeyou- please i can’t breathe” -”you take my breath away too, mc” -”no saeyoung- i love you but i actually can’t breathe get off me” -his favorite type types of kisses: hot make-out sessions on his office chair. y'all are just so needy and full of pure raw lust and want it makes his heart go wild

V: (v isn't fully blind in my scenarios, i headcannon that after a while of being with MC they convince him to get surgery and he can see again, but only out of one eye since the other eye was too bad to save. sorry for the previous confusion on this) -this man was very hesitant to kiss you at first -like he would kiss your forehead and hands and cheeks but never fully on your mouth -you’re the one who usually had to initiate those -you never really bothered to pester him about not kissing you on the mouth too much because you know he needs to adjust to this new relationship with you -so you just give this sweet man time, because you understand that he just got out of a toxic relationship with a cult leader who blinded him -it’s kind of hard to get into the swing of things with a ‘normal’ relationship him but after a few months of dating you best believe you’re getting all the kisses he can offer you -sometimes you both will just be walking around hand in hand and he’ll stop you both and cup his hands around your face and just kiss you for a long time -you both sometimes do photo shoots where he puts the camera on a timer and he kisses you in every way he can without getting too frisky -the photos are cute and sweet and he has an album dedicated to them that he can look at whenever he needs to look at your sweet smile and kisses -his favorite types of kisses: when you’re pulled up close to his chest fast asleep and he can just press his lips lazily to your head over and over again without you waking up. it makes him feel like he’s worth something to be cradling you like this and showing you small tokens of affections.

SAERAN: -at first when you tried kissing him he was literally just like: no -he apparently didn’t like kissing!! or anything ‘normal’ couples did!! -it makes him uncomfortable to be showered in so much affection so suddenly after having it be stripped away from him for so many years -you, being the understanding partner you are, give him as much space and time as he needs -after a while though he allows you to kiss stuff like his hands and forehead -never on the lips though because simply the thought of it overwhelms the poor babe -after a year and a few months of dating he suddenly kisses you on the lips while you both are binge watching criminal minds, it was completely out of nowhere and you were just like: !!! -y'all then make kissing a normal thing -sometimes when making out he might get overwhelmed or embarrassed so you have to stop but other than that you’re allowed to kiss him whenever and however you want now which is great, 10/10 you love -his favorite types of kisses: when you both are just sitting on his bed and you randomly kiss his knuckles or the palm of his hand. it just makes him feel so loved and happy.

[imagine-wannaone]

Lim youngmin Soulmate au

Requested by Anon so let’s roll!

•Before I get into this y'all may be wondering how everyone knows their soulmate sign if they’re not obvious, • My answer is I don’t know either yET (maybe the parents get a certificate with the sign written on it when the stalk delivers the baby), • ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ • Okay so ever since you were able to understand soulmates your soulmate sign terrified you, • When you found your soulmate, you’d lose the ability to see colours, • And man were you terrified, • Yeah and curious because who is the mysterious human you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with???? • More importantly, do they pour their milk before their cereal? • Because you’re not sure if you can live with someone like that, • And you always looked at colours as if it was the last time you were going to see them, • That turquoise? • Printing the exact shade to memory, • You weren’t exactly mad at your soulmate, they had the exact same problem as you, but you were a whole hearted believer that fate was a bitch, • Like a full bitch, one of the people that screenshot the ugly selfies on Snapchat, • Yeah, THAT bad, • smh fate did u dirty, • And you had a mini crisis when you were 8, • Would an orange still be an orange if you couldn’t see it’s colour? Would it be a grey? • And you hated black and white and grey with all of your little might when you were young, • And you had full matching outfits colour coded, • One day you where all bright orange, aka a traffic cone™ • The next day you where a pastel purple blur aka cute af, • But yeah, you probably spent more than the normal amount of time colouring and painting and drawing and creating art bursting with vibrant colours, • Because as a kid you got anxious about it, • And your parents where like HmmMMmmM, • So you started drawing and creating art so you could MAKE colour, • What a cOnCEpT, • You took to it like a duck to water, • And by the time you reach your teens you were low key very good? Mid teens? You were winning competitions, • Because you had a deep set passion for making sure beautiful pictures where captured on paper with the most delicate colours, • Because one day you’d loose the ability to do that, • So if you weren’t going to put everything into  it now then stRiKe yoU DoWn, • You’d been working on a few pieces especially for a competition/exhibition you’d been invited to, • The countries top amateur artists, • Because you’re just THAT good, • And boy had you been threating over what to paint because this is big, • But you won’t let creative block beat you, • (Stronger than me, rip) • And you take up a damn challenge, • Sunset paintings aren’t exactly original but they’re extremely hard, • Because that sun sets quickly, like he’s running after the ice cream truck, • Or chasing the moon, • But you’re determined to capture it in a new light, in a way you’re confidant is uniquely yours, • And you work your butt off every night for over 2 months until you’re happy you’ve captured it, • The sun sinks into the bottom of the page in a lazy manner, the sky above it turning a darker blue while the patches around it are shaded with purples and pinks and reds, • The clouds’ bellies are painted a pastel pink, while the tops are still pure in the dusk you always watch from the fields behind your house, • But you’ve caught the colour and pinned it to the page, the colours accurate but magic, intense and blending and vibrant and unique, • But then you’re like damn I still have to find another thing to paint, • Because 2 pictures is the required amount for the competition because apparently one just isn’t good enough, • So you chose the humble crow as your subject, • Because those birds are incredibly and intelligent, • You paint it in blues, purples and the rare colour black edges into your usual colour obsessed painting, • Mid flight and totally free, the edges of the wings leak into a background of delicate greens, shamrock, emerald, seafoam and sky, lapis, azure, • An omniscient vibe mixes with the feeling of peace and freedom, making the two paintings your best yet, • And boy are you hype for the competition • So you arrive to the exhibition hall bright and early to hang your paintings and to check out the competition, • What an art nerd, honestly, • And when the public come in and the judges stalk the hall you wonder around as well, • As much as you’re threatened™ by the competition, you can’t help but love all the styles and variations of scenes, • A kid in a sweet shop really, you’re the ultimate hype man for all the artists, • As you circle back round to your little corner, you spot a boy stood in front of your paintings, • You are, once again, shook™, • Not only is this boy around the same age as you, which is already unusual in the sea of middle-aged people, he’s Hella handsome, • Like boy what a cutie damn, your heart skips a beat, • What an innocent looking pure bean, • And you smile widely because he’s staring at your crow and the soFtESt smile is spread across his face he looks at peace, • So you take your chance and slide along next to him, • Cus you brave af apparently, • “You don’t think it’s a little too bright?” • You often worry that your use of colours could seem a little too aggressive for someone who doesn’t cherish them like you, • So yanno, get some use out of this cutie while you can, • “I’ll lose my colours one day, and if I could only remember one paintings colours, it’d be this one,” • ShOoK™ • Like damn so many emotions, • First of all, highest compliment of all you got a huge mega blush right there, • Second of all, hoe god damn sweet, • Third, shit this dude understands your struggles, • “Ah, thank you. That’s why I paint so vividly, I-” • But to your absolute horror, • You watch as your paintings, some of the most vibrant in the hall, leak slowly of colour, the bright colours turning greyer as the whole thing changes into your nightmare, • Once everything has changed, your head snaps to the boy by your side, • “You painted it?” You can see from the look in his eyes that His world has also drained of colour, that he’s your soulmate, • His eyes turn and hover on yours, and while there’s a certain sadness, mourning, there’s also a small light, a soft smile painted on his cute face, a hope, • “Yeah, they’re mine,” • “They’re beautiful,” • While the compliment heats your cheeks, you turn your head to your new, dull painting with a sigh, • “Was beautiful,” • “Is beautiful. You know, the new shades give it a whole new meaning,” • The way the boy speaks, a way that warms your heart and makes everything, even the blacks, seem a little more colourful makes you realise, that you’ve found your soulmate, • And while your gut dropped just a minute ago, you can already feel it returning, and thinking it may not be so bad after all, • Because at least you have someone to help you along the way,

• Fate has not done you dirty, • So you spin to face him, and feel nothing but relief as you wrap your arms around him without warning, his warmth comforting you as he returns the gesture, everything comes naturally, like you’d always done it, • At least now you won’t be worrying the rest of your life about losing your colours, • And you win the competition,  by a long shot, • And the connection you have to Youngmin is really quite beautiful, • Because you realise that the sacrifice of colour is nothing compared to what you’ve gained, • And it makes your relationship even more special because like??? • You sacrificed for eachother??? • And you go through a total art lull at first, • Because you started to paint to make colour and now what’s the point? • But Youngmin nags and persuades and nearly forces you to start again, • He literally refused to make any sort of contact until you started painting again, • (Because he knows you miss the paint), • And boy do u get a long ass snuggle when you start again, after staring blankly at your paints for hours, • And then your style changes, and you become low key famous for this dramatic style change, • Why you used to paint things to the exact detail of colour, • Now you have 2 modes, • You paint things exactly as you see them in black and white, to show the world how you see things, • Or you paint things in blind colour, no idea what shades you’re using and you’re told that your mix of abstract colour into ordinary things is eye-catching, • But no matter what you paint, Youngmin loves it, and you theorize for hours what  colour that grey could be from wisps of memories you’ve held onto, • And dates to galleries or art classes (you’re shook by how well Youngmin is with clay like damn), • Or to beaches or parks or restaurants or theme parks because really why would you put a limit on it? • And skinship is key but like, soft, • Gently holding each others hands or lent against each other or quick pecks honestly whatever you feel comfortable doing, • And you spend hours and hours studying Youngmin’s delicate and slight features, • You manage to captures his gentleness and optimism and energy and kindness into his portraits, some of your most praised works, • But you keep every single one of them, because you want to keep everything about Youngmin, • And the two of you fumble through a black and white world together, • The two of you mainly dress in black and white and it’s honestly iconic™ • Fierce, • The cuddle couple honestly who is softer? • No one, that’s who.

[collectiveonesix-archive]

That Long Ask

Send 💬 and my muse will say what they really think about yours.

@jminxtaeil​

So. It wont let me publush the ask. I’m guessing it’s just too fucking long. So here it is, in a fucking post

Suho

About Onew:

“You’re everything to me, I adore everything about you, I’m crazy about your face, your voice, your hair, your smile, everything. Every day I wonder, how did I get this lucky? I just think you’re perfect in every way.”

About Lay:

“Our Yixing, you’re really a steady stream of support for me, whenever things are difficult I can usually count on a hug and a smile from you. I love how you always have something to say that gives me a new angle on things.”

About Kris:

“I wish I never met you.”

Leo

About Kwangmin

"Kwangmin, you forever changed my life, you made me more confident and secure in myself, and even when I don't do so well, you are always there for me. I love you more than anything in the world, and I love how we always support each other. I would say never change, but change is okay. As long as we change and grow together, I will be happy. As long as you are by my side, I will be happy."

About Youngmin

"You're a really nice person, and I'm forever greatful that you came to collect me that day Kwangmin got sick. I feel like I owe you a lot for that. I'm also thankful and happy that you take good care of our Jaewhan, he finaly seems to have the attention he craves so much."

P.O

About Taeil (Taellie Potato Verse)

"Hyung I really admire you, I admire you a lot. I think you're really talented, and cute, and I want to be next to you all the time. I'm sorry I follow you everywhere, I'm sorry I'm really loud and annoying. I just really want you to like me! I love you hyung."

About Dohee (Little Mouse Verse)

"Dohee, you're seriously the most beautiful creature on this planet. I wish that I was a very handsome man so that I could sweep you off your feet and marry you some day. I want to give you flowers. I'm falling in love with you."

About Zico

"Jiho-hyung, you need to stop working so hard! Let me steal one of your songs, and you take a weekend off! You're scary talented though, teach me how!"

About Kyung

"Kyungie Hyungie, I'm so glad you're taking care of our Jaehyo-hyung! I know you mean a lot to him, and to each other. I hope you don't argue any more, it felt like my parents were getting a divorce."

YongRye

About Mark:

"Mark! You are my favorite human! Thank you! I love you with all of my circuits and/or heart, and I will forever thank you for being my favorite human!"

Tama

About Donghyun:

"Kitty! You make me feel like I'm not a day over 26, I feel adorable and small in your presense. I'm very glad you gave me a chance despite our large age difference. I love you very much."

About Jiyong:

"I really hope you stay with us. I adore you, and we're both in love with you. I just want you to always be there to give us your affection. I wish you wouldn't worry so much, it makes me sad to think you're stressing."

Suga

About Jimin:

"Chimchim~ My love, my favorite puppy, my fucking gorgeous, gorgeous love. You are a gem in my life, and I couldn't be happier to be able to call you mine. Please pet me more."

About Kris:

"My big scary dragon~ I love you, and I am always horny for your dick. Many kisses, and please touch my butt. Like, always. You protect me against the world when it's too sharp, and I apprechiate that more than I can describe."

About Jungkook:

"You rude. You cheeky. You need to stop. You're cute when you ask me about kinky stuff tho. You take very good care of our leader, and that's very important."

About J-Hope:

"Hang out with me more. I think you don't like me, and that's a crime."

About Signe:

"Signe! My gayest best friend. You're a darling, and I want to have drinks with you. Hmu."

About V:

"You're just a precious bean. I almost feel bad fgiving you kinky advice because you're so precious. But I do it anyway."

Jack

About Sunny:

"Hi. I'm scared of you. But I really like you. You're very hot. And I really love your tits. And your ass. And your smile."

About Nicki:

"I love you ma. Thanks for loving me."

About Ricky:

"Ricky, you're a cool guy. Love ya."

About Jmin:

"You're my ultimate inspiration. I love you dear sister."

Noot

About Minty:

"Minty I love you more than anything. You're my wife, the mother of my children, and my favorite person in the whole world. I wanna be with you forever. Always."

About Jmin:

"I miss you! And our sleepovers! I wanna hug you every day, I love you."

Hwan

About Jaeho:

"Thank you. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for giving me everything I need. I am forever greatful, and I will forever love you. You have saved my life, and I can't express to you how much I love you."

About Seulgi:

"Thank you for taking me in as your brother, despite the fact that we did not grow up together. I love you, and I trust you, and I hope that we will always be good siblings."

Xiumin

About Lay:

"I'm sorry. I've pushed you away from me, despite the fact that you have been nothing but nice to me. I resent you for still being on good terms with Luhan, and that's why I'm so angry with you. I really miss you, but I don't know how to tell you sorry, and I don't know how to be different."

About Kris:

"I blame you for giving him the idea. I blame you for taking him away. Though I know it isn't really your fault, I would probably punch you if I saw you."

Soojung

About Yongguk:

"Hey baby. I adore you. You're my everything, and I am eternally greatful for you and your support, always. Nothing can replace my father and his love for me, of course, and what we have together is obviously not the same, but I would like to thank you for making me feel loved, as the only man ever aside from him. Thank you for honoring his memory, despite the fact that you never met. And thank you for bringing me trough the sad days when I really miss him."

About Lizzy:

"Gurl. You're so gorgeous. Let me do your makeup. I love you and your pretty face."

About Seulgi:

"Gurl you're also gorgeous as fuck what the hell. Let me do your makeup too. Let's have a sleepover. I love you."

Zhoumi

"None of y'all know me."

Luge

About Baekho:

"You are my everything. You're my rock, my baby, and my greatest love. Thanks for making me a better person and for loving me despite me being a shitty brat most of the time. I really adore you, and I am so proud of you. You have worked so hard and come so far, and I will always be your number one fan."

Jeffrey

“Love me I’m cute.”

Hyungseo

“None of you know me? What’s all this fuzz about.”

Key

About Taemin:

"Sir! I still can't believe I deserve you. You're such an amazing boyfriend, and I'm sorry I am such a high maintanance bitch sometimes. You always love me, no matter how much I bitch at you. I love you with all of my heart, no matter what happens."

About Onew:

"You're a good leader, and I would trust you with my life. I know I tease you a lot, but I truly love you."

About Minho:

"Minho, you're the sweetest person I know. You're so caring. Thank you for helping Taemin. Thank you for helping us all. You're truly one of the most valuable members of SHINee, and don't you ever think otherwise."

[topherfoxtrot]

Nosy neighborhood

(or a reflection on the bittersweet nature of nostalgia)

What about a one shot about a tv show I never watched? It sounds fun doesn't it? Well it contains spoilers for the third Webisode of the walking dead called "The Oath" released in 2013. It can be easily found on Vimeo. Trigger warnings include grief and pessimism. Also I wrote this one on first person because I just think first person writing is neat😄

Everyone was gathered in the building that used to be a church. Except from the obvious architecture though you couldn't even tell. Even the beautiful stained glass was mostly gone. And there was no giant wooden cross in sight. Only tables full of food, drinks, and of course the band composed of four singing voices, an acoustic guitar, two saxophones, half a set of drums, a fucking button accordion, a xylophone and a def. Basically every instrument the scavengers could find over the years. Since the world has ended our neighborhood united to form a urban fortress.

I was in a corner with some friends not really interested in the conversation. My eyes scanned the whole place looking for the handsome, tall man with his long blonde straight hair. When I finally spotted Paul grabbing some food I whispered without actually intending to.

"There you are!"

"What?" One of my friends followed my eyes, "Oh my god are you really going after the man?"

"Dude is just introvert!" Another friend rolled his eyes, "That's why he is always in his basement."

"That is simply not true!" I said, "Y'all know how much I hate people, alive or otherwise, and yet I'm always here for our sunday gatherings."

"You know what?" my friend finished her beer before continuing, "Fucking go after him. If it turns out he's just lonely you will get my cleaning shifts for the whole month. And if you find a big secret of his or whatever I'll get yours. How about that?"

"It sounds like a deal!" Me and my friend shook hands with smiles on our faces.

"I can't believe you're going to bother the poor man just because he likes to eat by himself." My other friend shook his head in disapproval before smiling too, "But anyways if you find anything please spill the beans to us!"

"Gotcha!" I winked at them before making my move.

Paul put a lot of food inside an old Tupperware and walked towards the door like he usually did. I moved between the people trying to avoid being seen by him. Paul briefly talked to one or two people before leaving. I left the church a little after, making sure to give him time to step further from the door.

Most of the people were at the church so the streets were empty. I sneaked around corners and alleys and cars like I did so many times outside the walls. I still remember before the outbreak when not everyone needed to be a soldier in order to survive. It's been almost seven years but I still caught myself getting nostalgic sometimes.

I followed Paul for a few blocks. Housing was an issue in our community. Over the years more people started to come and babies started to be born once we reached a certain stability. Paul was one of those people who duo to his efforts towards the community gained the privilege to live on his own instead of in one of the communal houses like I did. He was one of the scavenging teachers after all. And my favorite one, I might add.

Besides being handsome he was also super quiet about anything that didn't concerned the classes. And to become a survivor as good as him you gotta have a past. We asked about it before but he always avoided the topic. This made me even more curious. I've always felt like he was hiding something and tonight I would finally figure out what!

It took a couple minutes for him to reach the big house with two floors and a front yard. Instead of entering the front door though he bypassed the house to enter through the basement door in the back. Paul lives in a basement just like a character from a book I read before the outbreak. Something about a woman watching her neighbours or something. I don't remember the details but I do remember one of the characters lived in a basement like Paul does.

I leaned on the wall and listened carefully as Paul opened the metal doors. After listening to his steps gradually fading as he went downstairs I sneaked into the entrance feeling glad he didn't lock it. I waited there for a while until I was confident Paul was distracted enough not to realize the sounds the doors would make. I opened just one door super slowly and checked every few seconds to see if there was any abrupt movements inside. When I closed the door behind me everything was in darkness expect for the light coming from one of the rooms. My hand instinctively reached for my gun but it wasn't there. I didn't carry my gun inside the walls.

I cursed myself in silence and started to walk downstairs. I wish I could see all the furniture Paul had but I couldn't announce my presence so my only option was to follow the light, which I did swiftly. I could hear a voice but it took me a while to make any sense of it.

"I know you would love those parties they make every Sunday." Paul's voice came from the only room with light, "We even had those back in the day, you remember?" He let out a deep sigh, "I still miss those days. We didn't have much like we do here, but we were happy, weren't we? I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything but I miss that, you know? I miss you, Karina."

There was not a sound to be heard expect for Paul's voice. The easiest explanation was that Paul was probably talking to a portrait ou painting like so many of us do. Death is such a common experience among the survivors. With this conclusion I could leave the house, but I wouldn't be satisfied. I wanted to know more about this Karina woman he was talking to. And about those old days.

I reached the entrance of the room but didn't dare to look inside. Instead I stayed there in silence, all my muscles stiffed. Quietly listening to Paul eating his dinner.

"Dominic talked to me again. You know, about the shifts and all that." Paul chuckled, "I'm not sure if we are just talking or flirting at this point. I know you are as terrible at this as I am but a little help would be good."

Paul chuckled again and a moan was heard. I felt my spine freeze as I obviously recognized the sound. A guttural and tired moan only a walker could make. I finally peeked into the room. There was no bed or beside table or any fortnite whatsoever. Paul was sat on a wooden chair eating his dinner with a fork. The most shocking thing though was the walker. The undead had it's arms tied tightly in a straightjacket. Saliva was falling from her mouth in the most grotesque waterfall I've ever seen. Paying special attention I realized her mouth was toothless. There was almost nothing left of hair in her head and the skin was this unnatural tone of grey. That walker was old. A thick chain kept it near the wall.

"What the fuck?" I whispered in terror.

Faster than I could even register Paul got up and pointed his revolver at me. I put my hands up and froze still.

"It's me! It's me! Please don't shoot."

It didn't seem like Paul would shoot me but he didn't put the gun down either. Instead he looked deep into my eyes. I tried to read him but as usual it was impossible to know what he was thinking.

"What are you doing here?" He asked finally with a deep voice.

"I... I was just-" the truth is that there was nothing to be said. I was there because I wanted to know what was up with him. And now I did.

"You shouldn't be here." He said firmly.

"I k-know!" I stuttered, "But you know what I'm already leaving, actually!"

"No!"

I stayed still. Paul took a deep sigh and finally put his gun down. The silence was only broken by the walker's unnerving sounds. Paul walked across the living room and brought a chair with him. Without saying anything he invited me to the room with the walker. I sat with them. Looking at it made me so uncomfortable all I wanted was to runway from there as fast as I could. Still, I stayed.

"This is Karina." Paul started, "We met in a settlement right after the outbreak."

"She died." I said, "And you couldn't let go of her."

"It's a little more complex than that."

I tried to look into Paul's eyes, but he was facing the ground. Once he was ready, Paul looked up at me.

"We made and oath. We wouldn't abandon each other no matter what. And when would fight for each other. One lives, all live."

Paul lifted hir shirt a little to show a huge scar on his belly. It looked well healed, "Our camp got raided by walkers. Me and Karina were the only survivors. I got this scar as a souvenir. But it looked bad, and I went unconscious for a couple hours."

At this point I kind of realized where this was going. I read Romeo and Juliet back at school. I hate tragedies. Paul lowered his shirt and shifted on his chair a little.

"Karina couldn't face the world on her own. She wanted to end all this pain and suffering."

"Oh no..." I covered my mouth slightly.

Paul tilted his head, "She killed herself. Once I got there it was already too late."

He stayed in silence for a while and I realized there were actual tears dropping from his eyes.

"But we made an oath!" He cried out. "We vowed never to leave each other and that's what I did!" He said even louder. The tears cleaning his face. "That's what I did-!!"

He choked on his own tears and couldn't say anything else. Paul just buried his face on his hands and cried while the walker (or should I say Karina?) moaned quietly in it's never ending hunger.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, no knowing what to say.

Paul got up still facing the ground. I quickly got up too and hugged him. He was taller than me so he had to bend a little to hug me back. That made his weight fall upon me. I had to stiff my legs in order not to simply fall down. But I carried him. He kept crying louder and louder. The walker got agitated but it didn't left it's place due to the restrains. I closed my eyes shut wishing with all of me for this to be over. Not Paul or the walker. Just everything else.

Pain and suffering left a scar on everyone. And I couldn't help but think, clouded by my own nostalgia, how much better things were before.

[aliyawyg20]

prompt 29:

the story of the story. one where i often trip on my words. i think of the lyrics from conan gray's song, "the story", that say, "well, i'm afraid that's just the way the world works. it ain't funny, it ain't pretty, it ain't sweet." my "grief journals" as i've called these or have said "i am putting off writing my grief."

i don't write from gratitude, i write from my biggest fear coming true, because it did. yikes. i write from my headspace, that when things get too heavy, i space out and see the school i was expelled from, bullied at and sexually taken advantage of at. the beating down of my personhood and life feels similar enough yet horrible to that time, and i still choose to go there in my head, rather than to go to the two weeks he was dying and i prayed and begged and surrendered and gave up and said goodbye and panicked so hard i thought i was having a heart attack and calling my teacher every night and calling someone bad for me and wanting to walk into traffic and asking for healings and prayers from anyone and everyone and not sleeping out of fear so i wouldn't wake up to worse news and not being able to move and being in a youtube video on "i never expected" and praying with strangers on almost every continent and connecting with people i still don't care about who he wouldn't give the time of day to based on how they treated me and i how i really felt about them to childhood crushes and childhood friends and family friends reaching out to me for no good or bright reason except shared grief for my beautiful smiley strong tall handsome goofy loved one and doctor updates and hope for the best and prepare for the worst and the trauma of the virus and organ fail after organ fail after blood fail after brain failing and body decaying and living off only a machine and LOSING HIS ENTIRE HUMAN LIFE TO THE VIRUS JUST LIKE THAT SO FUCKING FAST and zoom eulogy meeting to zoom funeral to zoom shiva to zoom shiva to to zoom passover to condolences to videos and pictures of him being grabbed onto as if they were air itself to crying and screaming and missing my period from stress to being violated by PBS asking for exaggeration that he died due to COVID that same goddamn motherfucking day to giving up my reading practice and feeling guilty for laughing to losing so much weight and not caring to thousands of screenshots of texts since we are living in our phones now to crowdfunding and getting meals and getting flowers and the flowers dying to hanging them up to dry so they wouldn't die too because my favorite person in the whole world died and i wished with everything it wouldn't have been him or any of us and thought it'd be my brother because he was in LA until he traveled home or it'd be my mom because she was resisting getting it or it would be me because i was exposed and in denial and it wasn't me it was him to understanding it could kill him and it would get worse and worse and his chances of coming out were smaller and smaller and every healthy breath i took i wanted to give to him and i knew if god had to choose, it being me would've hurt him more then i ever want to hurt him or someone or my whole family but all it comes back to is that time was the worst part and it still isn't over and there is no good in the world worth this loss and it goes to being strong because i can't hurt others from my place of hurt to not wanting to live and not wanting to live and not wanting to live.

deep breath. i haven't gone there yet in my writing. i just did for the first time. i admitted the worst parts and talked about the real pain. i know it's real and i know it happened and i know it was traumatizing me every second of the day. and i know i won't block it out the way i blocked out every other trauma in my life. i know i still go to school and still have friends and still have to exist. once i move, all i have to do then is to grieve. that's when i'll need to be taken care of so badly. i want to be taken care of so badly, until my story changes. i don't WANT to be the story of the kid who lost their dad at 22 to a pandemic that people think is a hoax and think they are oppressed because they can't get a haircut. I don't want to write from anywhere else, though.

when I'm writing, I'm not poorly eating or picking at the skin under my hair until it's bleeding. when i'm writing, i'm not giving my energy away. i get to be the biggest and most concentrated mess in the world when i write from this pain. i get to say "this is just my pain to have, y'all get to hold witness to this, too." my friend today told me that no one enjoys to see me in pain. i didn't really think that -i thought they didn't care that i'm in pain because if they did, they would meet me at my pain or take more care of me and check in with me even if I don't answer their texts. or that they would stop saying, "i'm sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what you're going through, there's nothing I can say or do to make things better or make you feel better," because that's not true. one could simply even ask, "what would make you feel better in this moment if you want to feel better?" they could ask if I want a gift, or help doing something or help eating or how I could receive love *while* I'm in pain. what do i want? what do i need? they could ask how i want to move forward or be in that moment and say that they know it is hard for me to receive love, but what is a love they could offer that i could have? maybe that's too much expectation of others or pressure or it's rude to impose that onto them and not give that of which of what i want from them to myself first. [weird memory of me in sf eating really good green beans i wanted him to have if i moved there and he would come out and visit me just popped into my head].

I don't just want to receive pain, I want to heal with pleasure and joy, too. some days, I write from those places and it's everything I needed that day. I think if they could see me at pain, they could see* [*see, not meet -turning point of remembering that love is not an exchange of pain, but an acceptance of where another soul is at in that moment] me or meet me at joy, too. I wonder how everything will shift and change when I share this blog with friends and family. I wonder how others will view themselves or me and what sort of control maniac they'll see me as, trying to control outcomes as if the universe didn't just prove me so wrong in that. I'm not sure where to write from once this is over. I'll probably write from this wound, as this will be my story for the rest of my life, just reshaped at each chapter. BC, before corona, AD, after dad. I just hope that whatever I do, I come back to writing, somehow. He would've wanted that, i think.

the end of the lyric goes, "oh, well, I'm afraid that's just the way the world works, but I think that it could work for you and me. just wait and see. it's not the end of the story."

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