#night before it was bc i fell asleep tbh. last night bc of the ptsd moment i ended up having.

[everymlmhybrid]

OKAY FINE i'm actually putting on podcasts and cleaning and then it's burger and movie time FOR REAL THIS TIME!!!!!!!!!!

[kiss-inthekitchen]

anytime | bucky barnes

summary: bucky's having trouble sleeping and he just wants you around

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

warnings: none! this is completely self indulgent fluff

word count: 1k

a/n: i got the idea for this while watching law and order: organized crime bc detective stabler can't sleep due to his ptsd and i was just like, you KNOW he wants to call olivia for comfort. and yeah anyway. this fic would not exist if not for law and order and idk how i feel about that tbh

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Bucky can’t sleep.

Which is nothing new for him. His bed is too big, he can’t turn his thoughts off, he’s exhausted but he’s not tired. He’d moved to the floor, which at least made him feel more solid in his surroundings- the hardwood is unforgiving, but it’s a discomfort he’s become familiar with.

He sits up for the umpteenth time, turning to look at the clock on his bedside table as if he could make time go faster by force of will alone. It’s been ten minutes since the last time he checked and it feels like an hour. 1:07 AM.

His bed is too big, he can’t turn his thoughts off, and he’s going to break if he doesn’t get some respite from the images flashing through his mind.

Sighing, he decides he’s finally reached the point of giving in. There’s only one thing he knows will help, and he’s done trying to talk himself out of it.

You’re watching TV in your room- well, not so much watching as you are using it for background noise while you scroll through your phone- when the screen is taken over by an incoming call. You smile to yourself. Bucky was stubborn, always preferring to call rather than text, even though he was perfectly capable.

“Hey, Buck,” you said softly into the phone, barely above a whisper, respecting the late night hour even though you were alone in your room a few floors down from him.

“Hey,” he breathes, and you can sense his relief through the line.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, doll, everything’s…” he trails off, because it’s fine, but also it’s not, and he doesn’t know how to tell you that. He decides it’s best to just bite the bullet, he can’t take anymore overanalyzing. “I can’t sleep. Can you come up? Can you… stay?”

You’re silent on the line. Bucky’s never asked you anything like that before. The two of you are close, of course, but not like this. Not until now, anyway. You’re wondering if you heard him right or if you actually fell asleep and you’re having another hyper realistic dream when he speaks again.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to, I’m okay, I just-”

His voice snaps you out of it. “I’m on my way.”

-

An embarrassingly short amount of time later, you’re outside his door in your sleep shorts and a loose t-shirt, having shoved your feet into your slippers and all but ran out the door.

Before you can knock, he’s opening the door, standing in front of you in a similar outfit to yours.

“Hey, doll,” he says, softly, and you can read all his emotions in his eyes, tentatively stepping inside before wrapping your arms around him. He exhales in a slight chuckle, hugging you back and relaxing into your touch.

“Hey,” you speak into his chest as he reaches one arm out to push the door closed behind you.

You disentangle yourself, moving to his bed and settling yourself in the middle of it. He follows, leaning his back against the headboard, his outstretched legs grazing your folded ones, and you find it so easy to lean into his touch. Resting your head on his shoulder, he wraps his left arm around you, pulling you in closer, and you take note of the quiet room. No music, no TV on in the background, just him alone with his thoughts.

“What do you need, Buck?’’ you ask, tilting your head up to look at him.

His eyes meet yours. “Just needed you here,” he half smiles. “What were you doing before I called?”

You try to ignore the way your stomach flips at the way he said he needed you. “Nothing, really. I was just bored on my phone. I’m usually up later than everyone else, anyway. Just don’t really get tired til late,” you finish, yawning immediately after because your body loves to contradict you. You’d roll your eyes at yourself if he wasn’t looking at you.

“Well, I guess it is officially late then,” Bucky chuckles. “You wanna lie down?” he asks rhetorically, getting up to turn off the light. You immediately miss his presence beside you.

“So, how’re we doing this, Barnes? You wanna be big or little spoon?” your tone is sort of joking even though it’s an honest question, trying to bring some of your usual energy to the unfamiliar situation.

He rewards you with a genuine laugh, turning back to you and allowing you to revel in the way his smile lights up his face.

“You gonna jetpack me, doll?”

“If you want me to,” you say through a smile of your own.

“Next time, then,” he says, flipping the switch, the room lit only by moonlight now. “Wanna hold you now, if that’s okay.”

Your heart stutters at the admission, voice a little shaky when you respond. “‘Course it is.”

The bed dips with his weight, vibranium arm sneaking underneath the pillow before you rest your head on it, his right arm pulling you in flush with his body. It’s been a while since either of you have had someone to sleep next to, and you could swear you’ve never been more comfortable. You fully relax into him, every inch of your body touching some part of his.

Your shirt rucked up slightly in the process, and his hand rests directly on your skin, thumb moving in soothing strokes against your stomach.

“Is this okay?” he whispers, fanning over your neck.

You hum your agreement, afraid to say out loud that it’s more than okay, it’s perfect, knowing your voice would betray you if you tried.

It’s quiet after that, with Bucky focusing on the sound of your breathing and the feel of your soft skin on his, and, blissfully, nothing else.

Your consciousness is just starting to slip when he speaks again.

“Thanks for picking up the phone, doll.”

“Anytime, Buck,” you answer sleepily. “Everytime.”

-

The next night, he stays over in your room. From then on, you and Bucky don’t spend a single night apart if you can help it.

[slippery-minghus]

ugh i've been really shirking my most basic responsibilities this week. sady needs to get fed wet food 2x a day, and because i get home at such an odd time (and have been taking my friends places literally every day this week) and i go to bed so early, i've just been feeding her once a day. and she's puked 3x already this week and it just occured to me that she's probably doing that bc she's all backed up because she's not getting her laxative enough (in the 2x daily wet food). and i just feel awful. she has something in her eye again too but last time that happened (also during another heat wave...? which is weird) but i didnt see anything in there when i checked. well anyway, i fed her before i left this morning. (i'm almost out of her food, too. i have various other backups but i need to get more of what i know she likes) and i was almost late to catching the bus. it would have been fine, i probably wouldn't have been late if i had taken the next bus, and my coworker is always late anyway, but it's still stressful.

i need to stop hitting the snooze button every goddamn morning and be a big boy and get up at 5:30 like i'm supposed to. i would have probably been able to take a (very sorely needed) shower this morning if i had gotten up when i was supposed to. and like, i fell asleep before 9 last night. i got PLENTY of sleep (for the first time in a while tbh) so those last ten minutes wouldn't really have been missed. but i am not a morning person. and as much as i love my job and refuse to resent it, i am not a morning person and i don't know if i'll be able to adjust to this. because i go home after work and i just fall into a haze and don't enjoy my precious free time at all. i'm just too tired to even think straight once i get home. and the fact that i made a propper dinner last night was a near miracle. i prefer to eat dinner around 8 or 9, but that's basically bed time! and by then i'm so exhausted anyway that eating isnt possible.

ugh well at least i start seeing my shrink again tomorrow. they can probably help me... i hope. if not, it'll still be good to talk about the other shit that's been bringing me down. like, yanno, that broken heart and the fact that i'm paying for all my shit now (i could probably ease into it but my brain is on fire and doesnt work like that) and i'm just panicking about not having enough money bc tbh i do cost more than i earn and i don't know how to budget without making myself panic more. and i also still want to have a life and i need some new clothes (not need. really want. i have plenty of clothes i just hate half of them). idk. i'm a mess. i'm hoping my shrink's new office is cool with me paying $10-20 per session bc tbh i cant afford more (even $20/week is pushing it) bc if not i'm screwed. i know it's sliding scale and gonna be cheaper but still. and i reallt wish i could see them two times a week right now while i get my head back in straight but i dont know if i can. it's expensive and theyre not at that clinic often and they have very limited space.

also i still need to figure out getting coverage for when my aunts come in a few weeks. i need to talk to one of the office guys to see if he can cover me for a day or so, because while i'm for sure gonna have a three day weekend that week, i really want to spend as much time as possible with one of my two aunts, because we're incredibly alike and while she doesn't have the education i do, (i educate my family on ptsd and trauma all the time. because we all have/experienced it) she's a brilliant person and incredibly talented, and i love talking to her. and who knows when i'll get to see her again after this....

anyway, i'm almost to my stop. i spent the whole bus ride writing this post... amazing lmao