#nichols should have been shitty for longer

[the-obnoxious-sibling]

brilliant minds locked-in syndrome guy episode let’s gooo

it may be fandom-brained of me to think it, but the first roman flashback had me thinking “are these guys about to fight or kiss?”

i was wondering how they were gonna get this patient’s consent to be involved in the study, given the givens—gotta say, i’m impressed with how close to my real-world experience of the consenting process it went!

another bit of real-world accuracy: the hospital administrator more excited about the study bringing attention & funding to the institution than what it’ll do for the patient 🙃

really enjoyed the palliative decision-making discussion. some investor may see it as a waste of a surgery, but ericka was absolutely right that the patient’s autonomy a) was the point of the surgery b) needs to be respected. ignoring his wishes would make the surgery a waste.

oh shit, my first thought was right? 🥺 on one hand, tragic foreign gay can feel overplayed—yes, we know, it’s not safe to be queer in many places—but this is a kind, queer show, i want to believe they can do this earnestly and sympathetically.

wolf with tears in his eyes seeing them reunite??? 🥺🥹🥺 i love him

aw, wolf. you gotta respect his wishes, man!

“you saw me when no one else did. which is ironic, because they tell me you can’t see faces. and because it seems like you don’t see me at all anymore.” he’s seeing the gay happy ending, he’s seeing love and hope, and—forgetting that there are other considerations.

carol and nichols reemphasizing the point ericka made earlier makes me pretty sure i know how this episode ends. wolf be professional! you can cry in private about it later!

(show interrupted by an ad for an aldis hodge-led crime show? also starring isaiah mustafa?? a shame it’s based on patterson novels, i don’t really enjoy his style.)

augh, dying with dignity, dying at home—i get it, but wolf deciding to make this happen at his home is very… wolf of him.

jacob! you can’t just ask a man whether he’s ever let anyone into his heart! that’s rude!!

ROMAN SHIPS WOLFNICHOLS??? W H A T

(also: “carol’s not actually that tall she’s just obsessed with high heels” lmao wolf, stop being so funny so fast, i almost missed this one)

not the star map on the ceiling because alex and roman bonded over astronomy 😭😭😭

“my favorites, vega and altair” oh my god, wolf is an unbelievable hopeless romantic

not wolf literally telling the tanabata story, I Cannot

(well, the chinese version, idk that one’s name. google says qixi?)

not higher love!!! i’m gonna c r y

ugh okay, researcher not being informed that their patient is dead is shitty and against protocol (that’s a reportable event even when it’s unrelated to the study device) but this guy having zero concern for the patient in the face of ~proving the value of the work to his investors~ is shittier.

like, have alex say something to the investors if you need good pr. how he spent months in nyc with no idea where roman was or what happened to him, and within a week of getting the chip the team was able to find him, and let them say goodbye. there’s a sob story that’ll make them feel good about how they spent their money!

likewise i see where his mom’s coming from but she cannot keep combining talking to wolf as her employee and talking to him as her son. it’s unprofessional, yeah, and it also makes things so messy. she can’t be surprised that he brings up his father as a gotcha when she does that.

the “privilege” to prioritize the patient in front of him—ugh, shut up forever, he’s a neurologist, not a public health specialist or an er doc doing triage. he’s supposed to prioritize the patient in front of him, it’s not a symptom of his childhood trauma

cringing at the van-ericka scene. felt totally unrelated to the rest of the episode—i went and rewatched the ceiling stars scene on a hunch, turned out i looked away during a ten second shot of ericka looking at jacob and van looking at her. (imo it should have been a longer shot if it was gonna be end-of-episode important.) making the empathic white boy suffer for suffering’s sake… sigh. i am just not interested in this love triangle.

but, talking of love stories i am interested in… we’re really ending the episode immediately after the kiss, huh? okay. OKAY.

[mikumutual]

answers aa themed questions nobody asked because i’m cool and sexy

also i havent played the 5th or 6th games so

YOUR FAVOURITE…? 1. Favourite Ace Attorney game? honestly? phoenix wright ace attorney! everything’s fresh, there aren’t many weak characters, and the plot is remarkable (especially the fifth case). the whole trilogy is really good as one unit though 2. Favourite case? 1-4, 1-5, 2-4, and 3-5 are tied lol, i can’t make a decision to save my life. 2-1 is really really funny tho 3. Favourite defendant? as a defendant, lana skye. as a person, edgeworth 4. Favourite prosecutor? as a prosecutor, franziska von karma. as a person, edgeworth 5. Favourite ship? wrightworth obviously... ive probably put more thought into them over the last 3 years than any other ship 6. Favourite victim? probably mia fey or gregory edgeworth... but for non-relevant victims, neil marshall :( 7. Favourite murderer? shelly de killer, i LOVE that guy. but dee vasquez was very cool as well 8. Favourite assistant? maya fey!!!!!!!!!! but i like kay faraday a lot too (im so sorry ema) 9. Favourite witness? adrian andrews... or maybe iris? i mean i didn’t like iris but god what a person 10. Favourite quote? “It doesn't matter how many underhanded tricks a person uses... The truth will always find a way to make itself known. The only thing we can do is to fight with the knowledge we hold and everything we have. Erasing the paradoxes one by one... It's never easy... We claw and scratch for every inch. But we will always eventually reach that one single truth. This I promise you.” - Miles Edgeworth i made this one of my senior quotes :]

YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE…? 11. Least favourite Ace Attorney game? uh fucking apollo justice. literally what the hell was that 12. Least favourite case? turnabout visitor wasn’t very strong? i guess it’s fine as an intro, but it’s also wonky with the timeline of aai 13. Least favourite defendant? max galactica. he’s better in the anime though 14. Least favourite prosecutor? manfred von karma, obviously. i like every other prosecutor (who i know of) though, even winston payne is pretty funny in hindsight 15. Least favourite ship? “miles edgeworth/female oc”. there are a lot of bad ships though, mostly involving phoenix & his assistants. dont do that please 16. Least favourite victim? zak gramarye for kickstarting that shitty, shitty game 17. Least favourite murderer? again mvk... but also fucking frank sahwit LMAO 18. Least favourite assistant? i guess trucy 19. Least favourite witness? fuck everyone from turnabout big top unless it was the anime episode 20. Least favourite memory of Ace Attorney? repeatedly trying and failing to download the emulator for aai2 hbjsjhdb i eventually got it but someone had to send me the download fully pre-patched and i felt kinda useless DO YOU PREFER…? 21. Phoenix Wright or Apollo Justice? phoenix wright. fuck that “GOTCHA!” mechanic jesus christ 22. Maya Fey or Trucy Wright? maya fey. nothing personal against trucy but i just dont like aj hbjsdjhsdb also maya is really sweet and fun and she has the best sprites. she seems like she’d be a good friend, it’s too bad that she doesn’t have the time for them as a spirit medium and all :( if maya ema and kay got to hang out together itd be wild 23. Investigations or trials? trials are easier in my opinion because investigations have several things you could be doing without such a linear style, so if you miss something, you won’t really know until you wander around forever 24. College Phoenix or Hobo Phoenix? college feenie!!!!! he’s like trilogy feenie but more emotional and less witty. i like to pretend that hobo phoenix doesnt exist 25. Klavier Gavin or Kristoph Gavin? who would say kristoph 26. Ace Attorney or Ace Attorney Investigations? ace attorney but only because phoenix is in it lmao. im actually rewatching a playthrough of aai now, and playing aai2 at the same time, so while it is on the mind, i feel like the cases characters and mechanics - while loved - don’t hold up to the OGs 27. Apollo’s perceive, Phoenix’s magatama, or Athena’s Mood Matrix? i actually kinda like the mood matrix more than anything because it has a really good UI and the magatama is kinda grating. but FUCK the gotcha mechanic it is SO FUCKING STUPID and IMPOSSIBLE TO USE.  where is logic chess 28. Ace Attorney trilogy or Apollo Justice and Dual Destinies? you already know my answer to this one 29. 3D models or sprites? i do like the 3d models a lot but i like the original sprites more! imo original pixel sprites > 3D models > HD sprites. mostly bc the hd sprites are garbage (see here, here, and here) 30. Ema Skye as she is in Rise from the Ashes or Ema Skye as she is in Apollo Justice? rfta !!!!!! shes actually really nice as an assistant, esp considering the fact that we actually see her interact with her sister, which is something maya didn’t have very often. also her random appearance in aai was well appreciated by me

MISCELLANEOUS 31. Did you like what they did to Phoenix in Apollo Justice?

NO I AM SO FUCKING MAD WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT TO HIM ISN’T HE A LAWYER WHY COULD HE NOT JUST DEFEND HIMSELF FROM THE FACT THAT HE “FORGED EVIDENCE” IT WASN’T EVEN HIS IN THE FIRST PLACE SOMEBODY ELSE FORGED IT AND HE DIDN’T KNOW THAT, MANFRED VON KARMA GOT AWAY WITH A FUCKLOAD OF NONSENSE AND SO DOES EVERY OTHER LAWYER SO WHY IS IT THAT PHOENIX CAN SURVIVE EATING A POISONED GLASS NECKLACE AND GETTING HIT OVER THE HEAD WITH A FIRE EXTINGUISHER AND FALLING FROM A BURNING BRIDGE INTO A RUSHING RAVINE AND BEING HIT BY A CAR BUT HE CAN’T FUCKING DEFEND HIMSELF LIKE HE DOES IN EVERY OTHER CASE BECAUSE THAT’S THE POINT OF THE GAME AND ALSO HIS ENTIRE CHARACTER

32. Your opinion on Dai Gyakuten Saiban? haven’t played it! it looks pretty cool though

33. Do you think Dai Gyakuten Saiban and/or Miles Edgeworth Investigations 2 will get localised to the West? doubt it, since the creators have said that it won’t be. but the fan translations are pretty good, so i think it’s okay

34. Do you think Miles Edgeworth should get another Investigation-game or do you think another character deserves a spin-off? i mean he already has two, so i guess he doesn’t need another? like i love edgeworth but he’s not as fun without phoenix around. ngl i would play a franziska game. or a maya game, or any spinoff revolving around a side character. hell i’d play hotti game if it meant it took place in the trilogy era

35. Opinion on the soundtrack of the Ace Attorney-franchise? REALLY good. really really good. i love how each game of the trilogy has different composers but each track has the same theme and feel!!!

36. Do you like where the franchise is heading or did you prefer the atmosphere in the original trilogy? seriously absolutely completely prefer the trilogy. i’m sorry but the rush of youth and trust is way, way more enjoyable than whatever “i’m 35 and therefore middle aged” nonsense is happening in the 2020s

37. Capcom suddenly announces that Phoenix will no longer appear in the Ace Attorney franchise! Your reaction? He’s been replaced by Penny Nichols. Fuck you.

38. Capcom suddenly announces that the Ace Attorney franchise has ended for good! Your reaction? it was me i ended it

39. Would you like there to be another Ace Attorney/Professor Layton crossover game? i didnt play it but i really like the idea!!!!!! aa crossover games are really funny to me, i mean have you seen edgeworth in project x zone 2, lmao

40. Would you like an Ace Attorney anime? we have one now! honestly i don’t think it did a very good job of representing the cases, but it did do a good character remix of turnabout big top so that they’re not creepy anymore. they also did a really good job with the anime-specific cases, like the one on the train! it feels a lot better paced when it’s intended for that medium rather than just adapted.  also the childhood episodes made me cry

41. Opinion on anime cutscenes in Ace Attorney? like in 5 and 6? mm, the art style is kinda weird, and i don’t really like the voices, but i guess not everything can be pachinko and prozd

42. Would you want to play an Ace Attorney game where you take on the prosecutor’s role? YEAH ACTUALLY!!!!!! it might be kinda weird being on the right side of the screen though lmao

43. Do you like having DLC in Ace Attorney-games? uhhh i hate having to buy extra things, but i’ll admit that they are pretty funny

44. Opinion on Lamiroir’s storyline? i only played aj so if shes in other games idk but i thought she was fine

45. One thing you think the Ace Attorney games can improve on? stop having creepy characters please. also jesus christ if phoenix and edgeworth arent wearing rings in aa7 i will become the ceo of capcom myself

46. Capcom suddenly announces an Ace Attorney movie! Would you like it to be based on an already existing case or would you like an all new storyline? i mean the musical did a pretty good job of adapting existing cases, so it might as well be new. it would be kinda hard to balance the games’ timeline & character development without being repetitive or an au

47. Capcom suddenly announces an Ace Attorney movie! Would you prefer it being live-action, 3D animated or 2D animated? stylized 2D animation, probably? i would want it to feel more like into the spiderverse than an anime, though. in my dream ace attorney movie, they’d just need a high art budget, several plausible deniability wrightworth scenes, and prozd to voice edgeworth

48. If there could be an Ace Attorney crossover with whatever franchise you’d like, which one would you choose? (Does not need to be a video-game franchise) your turn to die is probably closest in characterization, although its premise is more “locked in a room” than the open-world investigation of aa

49. Opinion on recurring witnesses? (Wendy Oldbag, Lotta Hart, Larry Butz, etc.) honestly, i like them a lot! i don’t know why people hate them so much - i mean, i know lotta lied, and wendy is a horrible old flirt, and larry just kinda sucks all around. but they’re also pretty funny to have around! larry is a constant comic relief who reminds you how much better nick & edgey are in comparison, lotta is likeable as a general character (like in 2-4, although yeah, not remarkable), and wendy oldbag is really funny. she’s so fucking funny. none of you appreciate wendy oldbag’s quirks and you are SLEEPING ON IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

50. Do you think Dual Destinies deserved its M-rating? no idea, holy shit, it got an m-rating? i mean every game before it has had blood violence and very mild swearing, and since DD probably doesnt have anything too sexually risqué, i doubt it deserves a rating any harsher than the rest of the series

okay thanks thats all

[jewpacabruhs]

also do the "wanna go out w me sometime" one for kyman thanks sis

nah thank you bb :-) ok im doin this one first to get the writin juices flowin heh

yay drag cartman…. lil bit inspired by lais fic ;)

When Kyle agreed to help Cartman break up Stan and Craig, South Park’s newest and strangest young couple, he hadn’t thought it would turn into a fiasco. Maybe he should’ve had the foresight to anticipate Cartman’s antics, but as it was, when Cartman had bitched about Craig and Tweek being soulmates and Craig being an entire idiot for dumping him, and Kyle had agreed that Stan deserved better than being a rebound for some aloof alternative space nerd like Craig, and Cartman had proposed they break them up, Kyle had immediately accepted without much thought. Cartman was good at schemes like that; surely he could find a way to split them easily enough. 

Kyle was an idiot for that, because Cartman could never do things “easily enough” - he just had to turn a simple little mission into a completely over-the-top and often disastrous performance, with unnecessarily extravagant costumes and everything.

So that’s how he ended up in a booth in the nicest restaurant in town, wearing his finest suit, which he hasn’t touched since his cousin Eli’s bar mitzvah last May. Thankfully it still fits, though it’s a little restrictive. Across from him is one Eric Cartman who is, of course, inexplicably in drag; a floor length deep blue evening dress, sparkly silver makeup, and a sleek blonde wig. He looks amazing, and Kyle resents him for it.

“We’ll be noticed less if we look like your average straight couple,” Cartman had explained, when Kyle had picked him up from his house and given him a look of barely contained annoyance and contempt. Then he’d said, “Oh, this almost feels like prom!” and tried to get Kyle to escort him to the car, and eventually got his way by saying, “If this is how you treat women, I can see why none of them wanna date you.” Kyle had grudgingly linked arms with him after that, and walked him down to the car - even opened the door for him, though Cartman didn’t even really need help; he could walk perfectly fine in his heels, he just liked to be irritating.

So now they’re in the booth, and Kyle’s leg won’t stop bouncing. Craig and Stan are two tables away, both wearing suits and looking like they’re playing dress up. Stan’s blabbing enthusiastically about something, and Craig looks a little bored, but he’s nodding along, prodding at a salad. Cartman had anonymously left a free reservation - how he’d acquired it, Kyle was scared to ask - in Stan’s mail box: “Congratulations! This is a ticket to a free dinner for two on Saturday September 7th, at 8 PM at our fine eatery!” as well as some finer print details, including the lie that it’d been won from a randomized lottery. It’d been addressed to Stan himself, because Cartman figured Randy might try to steal it for him and Sharon. Stan had gushed about it at school, about how he wanted to treat his mom to dinner as a late birthday present, and while Kyle thought that was immensely sweet of him and felt pretty bad about it, he’d had to dissuade him from taking her. “It’s a romantic type of place,” he’d said, feeling like a real shitty friend. “People are gonna think-” and then Kenny had helpfully pitched in, “-that your mom’s a cougar, bro!” That was all it took for Stan to decide he’d take someone else, and from there, Kyle had gently planted the idea that Stan should take his new boyfriend. 

So there they were, at a table for two.

“Dark and dark don’t go together,” Cartman’s saying, frowning disapprovingly. He keeps eyeing the bread sticks, but he hasn’t touched them, probably for fear of messing his lipstick up. “Craig needs Tweek, for, like, contrast, you know? Blonde and black. It works. You can’t have two yangs.”

“The yin is the black one,” Kyle says boredly, just to correct him, though he doesn’t know for sure. “What about Token and Nichole?”

“That’s different.” Cartman waves a hand. “Craig and Stan - have you heard that thing about white gays, uh, dating their own lookalikes? That’s - yeah, that’s Craig and Stan.”

“They don’t look alike,” Kyle frowns. “Craig’s all angular and, like, lithe, or whatever, and Stan’s kinda softer and - and wider, like. He’s sturdy. Different body types, dude. Their faces are super different, too.”

“You sound gay as fuck right now, and I’m the one in drag.”

“Shut the hell up, Cartman. You didn’t have to be in drag, that was all you.”

Cartman quirks an arched brow at Kyle - if the redhead knew anything about makeup, he’d know that Cartman had glued his own eyebrows down, put foundation over them, and redrawn higher arches to achieve the alluring look he wanted; he’d learned a lot from all his hours of watching Drag Race. Kyle, however, is ignorant as hell, so he’s dumbfounded as to how Cartman pulled the look off, but incredibly irritated by how it’s impressive and almost endearing to him, that Cartman’s so good at passing as a girl. He’s a pretty one, too, all soft angles and gentle curves, his naturally pouty lips even poutier with the help of overdrawn lip liner and the pale pink of the lipstick he’s got on.

“I like being pretty,” Cartman explains simply, and Kyle scowls at him because of course he knows how good he looks. Smug bastard.

Kyle’s facing away from Craig and Stan’s table, because Cartman doesn’t look anything like himself from far away, but Kyle’s not wearing anything to disguise himself, other than the uncharacteristic suit; he’d be instantly recognizable if they saw his face, so he can’t risk it. So though he occasionally risks glances back, he’s mostly watching Cartman watch them, as he pretends to look at his menu - and no, Kyle’s not grateful for the excuse to stare at Cartman. He’s getting more and more anxious the longer he looks at him, because he looks like a very pretty girl and it’s confusing Kyle indefinitely. It’s still Cartman, he tells himself firmly. 

He’s so busy convincing himself that he absolutely can’t find Cartman attractive, that he almost misses the panic in his eyes. 

“What?” Kyle asks, starting to turn, but Cartman reaches out and grabs him, press-on red nails digging into Kyle’s forearm.

“They’re walking over here!”

“Fuck!”

“Quick, kiss me!” 

“What? No!”

“They’ll recognize us from this close, Kahl!”

Kyle wants to argue, wants to come up with an alternative, anything but pressing his lips to Cartman’s, but they’re getting closer and he doesn’t have time - he grabs Cartman’s wrist and pulls him closer, tilting his head to the side and kissing him as chastely as he can - he refuses to let this be remotely passionate. The softly curly bangs of Cartman’s wig fall over both their faces, which is good; it’ll hide them. 

Kyle tries to count in his head - ten seconds, he thinks, that should be good, they’ll be gone by then and I can pull away - but he gets to three before he becomes hyper-aware of the way Cartman’s lips feel against his own. He doesn’t want to think too hard about it, he really doesn’t, but it’s hard to ignore the glossy feel, how he smells faintly of strawberries, how his lips are warm and plush, just like the few girls Kyle’s been lucky enough to kiss. But this isn’t a girl, this is Cartman - and yet, somehow, when it’s been far longer than ten seconds, Kyle can’t bring himself to pull away. Part of him, the pre-installed horny teen that sits in the back of his mind and yells at him constantly for being more focused on school than getting laid, wants to deepen the kiss, wants to move closer to Cartman, who’s overwhelmingly soft and warm and pretty - but then someone clears their throat and Kyle pulls away, wide-eyed and disoriented.

It’s Kenny, and he’s grinning like a mad man. “Oh man,” he says merrily. “Oh man! Fuckin’ incredible!”

Kyle wants to ask what the hell Kenny is doing at a fancy place like this, but the waiter outfit he’s wearing answers his unspoken question. “Don’t tell anyone,” he says instead, quietly, glaring hard so Kenny knows he means business.

Kenny grins at him cryptically, winks at Cartman, then walks away with a joyous spring in his step.

“You’re a bastard,” Kyle says to Cartman, who looks, for once in his life, genuinely at a loss for words. “Kenny’s gonna tell everybody, and every kid in school will know you and I kissed - hell, it won’t take long for our parents to find out! Everyone will think I’m gay, and they’re gonna think I’m gay with you of all fucking people - you know how pissed my mom is gonna be? Not ‘cause I’m gay, and I’m not! I - I don’t even know what I am, but now people are gonna assume I am, and I won’t even get to have that to myself - fuck, my mom’s gonna be pissed because it’s you. Of all the eligible bastards, she’ll think I wanted you.”

Cartman’s looking at him with a strange mix of confusion and something akin to desire, freaky as that is. “You, uh - okay, bad timing, but do you wanna go out sometime?”

Kyle raises his eyebrows at him. “Are you fucking insane?”

“For you, babe, probably,” Cartman says smoothly. He pushes a curl of hair out of his face and bites his lip, trying for seductive, and Kyle’s genuinely angry that he has some irritating horrible terrible absolutely and completely subconscious desire to kiss him again. 

Kyle looks away before he can get more upset. “We didn’t split up Stan and Craig, and now Kenny thinks we’re dating. This night couldn’t have gone any worse, and it’s all your fault. Why do you have to do things so outlandishly? We could’ve done literally anything else to get them to break up. But no, you just had to trick me into going on a date with you-” Then it dawns on Kyle, that that’s what this was all about in the first place. Craig and Stan were an afterthought; Cartman wanted an excuse to be with Kyle.

Cartman seems to realize that Kyle’s figured this out, because he has the nerve to look embarrassed. “It was perfect, Kahl,” he says quietly. “How was I supposed to pass up an opportunity like this?”

Kyle feels a rush of different and harshly conflicting emotions - irritation, a flash of hatred, betrayal, irritation again, anger, then something like desire, and passion, and that damn urge to kiss him again.

He squeezes his eyes shut and takes a few deep breaths. Then he stands up quickly and says, “Let’s go. We’re leaving.”

“Wait, now that my lipstick’s already smudged, I want some bread sticks-”

“Let’s go,” Kyle repeats, tugging on Cartman’s arm.

Cartman lets Kyle pull him to his feet, briefly rocking back and forth in his off brand Louie V heels. Now devoid of a reason to hide his crush on Kyle, he smiles happily and says, “You’re lucky I like it rough. Any other girl might slap you for being so rude.”

“You’re not a girl.” Kyle throws a tip down on the table, despite not having ate, and starts pulling Cartman toward the exit. He doesn’t know where Stan and Craig went, or even why they left, but he’s not thinking about them right now.

“No, I’m not, and that scares you, doesn’t it? Poor widdle baby Kahl, having his first gay panic-”

Kyle turns on him and bares his teeth, ignoring the fact that they’re being stared at. “I would shut the fuck up if I were you,” he growls, without thinking about it, but immediately regrets it when Cartman’s eyes go half-lidded. He can handle homoerotic overtones with a rival - but not with someone who so clearly is into him and who, terrifyingly, Kyle’s admittedly hot for himself.

Cartman goes silent, though, blissfully, as Kyle leads them out of the restaurant. 

Once they’re outside, where it’s fairly empty other than an extended family in the parking lot saying their goodbyes, Kyle turns on Cartman. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Cartman grins at him. He looks like the cat that got the cream - and he looks like that a lot, he’s a smug asshole who gets his way far more often than he deserves to, but this time, things are different, and worse yet, this time, Kyle wants to kiss that self-satisfied smile right off his stupid face. 

But that’s what Cartman wants, and Kyle won’t let him have it. 

So instead, he says, “Are you free this Friday?”

Cartman smiles. 

[dominicvail]

thjslove replied to your post

“do you think this could be end in one of them getting killed and...”

omg what CM receipts? ��

@thjslove cm is one of the most convoluted behind the scenes messes i have ever witnessed and i am just Astounded till this day like, i’ll bullet point for you because i Genuinely will be here writing this for 3 hours if i do details;

think of all the female cast members that have ever been on cm?? yeah?? a lot! well, the only ones who left in non suspicious circumstances? Lola Glaudini (elle) and Jennifer Love Hewitt (kate). Literally. The only ones. 

one time (between seasons 8 and 9) they almost cancelled the show because aj cook and kirsten vangsness decided they didn’t like that their male costars were making $70,000 more PER EPISODE than they were (this was back when they did 24 eps a season so like... i’m not gonna do the math but that is A Lot Of Money). (they renewed it last day of renewals, it was the same year cote de pablo walked from ncis because of the same reason, legit the only reason they got anywhere was b/c they said ‘we both get raises or we both walk’. 

btw while this was happening, minus Moore, the rest of the male cast was holding up negotiations so they got perks on top of being paid over 50% more than the women. 

this sequence is the kicker

u know season six, the jj and prentiss absences??? 

it was because they both got fired, listed as ‘creative decisions’ (that’s important later), which basically seemed to amount to ‘we want both less women and for her to be younger than both of you’. 

they fired aj cook flat out as her contract had expired that year, in the middle of a 2 parter, and didn’t even want to let her do an exit???? they legit had to fight for the right to have her to film an exit episode (they negotiatied 3 episodes, one for finishing the 2 parter, one exit, and one for when prentiss exited). 

brewster’s contract had Not expired (also important later), they just only decided she should be in 8 episodes. 

it’s important to the sequence of events that i mention outside influences, b/c the cm fans were PISSED. There was a straight up public outcry, i have Never seen a response like it in my many years of obsessive TV watching. People were Very fond of Prentiss and JJ and were Not impressed they were being booted as unnecessary to the narrative, those pesky creative decisions!!! the petitions and public support towards them were pretty incredible actually. 

by that point there wasn’t much that could be done about Cook, but seeing the response CBS kept making Brewster film Way more than those 8 episodes she got slotted for actively dragging her along, Still fired but p much unable to find other work realistically??? b/c they kept calling her back in???

public support was still Overwhelmingly on the actresses side. 

To the point that CBS started ardently claiming the actresses were fired for Monetary reasons. Yeah, they straight up lied, and still lie about it today. I have seen cbs affiliate websites print said lie bluntly in their articles (i no longer read cbs affiliate anything). 

I listed the pay scandal first for perspective on the money lie. At that point i think the men on the cast were wearing about $110,000 an episode, and it got out Cook was earning about £50,000 an ep, and we never heard about Brewster’s salary But when i say she made a Big Deal over finally getting paid as much as the men in the past couple of years i mean it, so we can assume she was also being paid a lot less. My point being, if they needed to save money, it would have been more profitable for them to fire One man on the show than two women. They pay gap was that much. 

so they lied, still lie, about why they fired them and it wasn’t even a good lie. 

ANYWAY

i know the show’s writing isn’t really applicable but Prentiss and Seaver  were never meant to be main characters on the show together, where they dragged out prentiss’ exit, they overlapped and Rachel Nichols had very little to do. 

Anyway, by the time the late eps of the season were airing (and i assume they looked at how many viewers cut loose when brewster left) cbs straight up rang up aj cook and asked her to sign back on (why she was in the last ep despite only being hired for 3 eps that season). She said she hated them but she had a young kid at the time and regular work that was local was helpful (plus, u know, i bet it was a great ego boost).

the season finishes airing, it goes on hiatus with the cast listed 4 season 7 as the men, garcia, jj and seaver. 

u know how i mentioned paget had a contract for s6 still but they cut her episodes down??? Well, CBS used the fact that they wouldn’t let her work on the show anymore despite being signed on as evidence that she was breaching contract if she didn’t go back as a regular for season 7. They threatened to sue her for breach of contract. The only reason prentiss was in s7 was because they used what they did against her that she had no power over to threaten her. So, u know, super nice. 

meanwhile, they fire rachel nichols, don’t bother to actually tell her they’d done it!!! and she found out on fucking twitter (and rachel is such a nice person, and she was absolutely vilified and abused by every idiot on the internet too thick to realise none of the above was her fault jeez). 

so s7 happens w/ the same cast as before, but brewster will Only work to contract and refuses to sign on again for s8. Understandable, tbh. 

they hire jeanne tripplehorn, fandom is disgusting as usual, like, absolutely vile, not surprised just disappointed. 

at the end of season 9 (they have 2 year contracts so like.. it was the end of her contract), despite everything in the  storyline process indicating otherwise and how much of a farce for her character what went down was... Blake left???? No more Jeanne???

Not one peep from bts over what happened.

if that sounds suspicious to you, it is, one of the crew members let slip they’d all been gagged and were not allowed to talk about it. So cbs learnt it’s lessons in as such that they learnt to hide their shitty actions rather than not do anything shitty.

p sure there was another pay scandal in here somewhere too??? 

in terms of The Gay(tm), Reid was like, conceptualised as bi from the get go but that thing in season one with Lila happened so the execs said he could not possibly be bisexual. Yeah. Yeah u read that right. Most ppl laugh at that one and say uhm do you not know what bi is??? but honestly it was just an excuse they knew full well what they were doing imo

why? they did it again! the writers, producers and Brewster all agreed on a scene where an episode opens w/ prentiss waking up in bed with another woman, guess who nixed it!!!! cbs. They also put a gag order on That little fact too! Kirsten Vangsness, bless her, did a podcast a few years ago on afterellen (before it got fuckawful and was with it’s original owners) and, i’d say ‘let slip’ but she knowingly dropped that truth bomb knowing full well she shouldn’t have. I love her. 

lately they’ve made brewster do “interviews” with some of those cbs affiliates where they try and get points??? for saying prentiss was gonna be gay??? like they’re not the ones removing the rep from the show??? and expecting a pat on the back for... refusing to have any kind of gay rep in a show that is by this point conspicuously straight (not that LA isn’t, but it’s not nearly as bad as cm). 

the whole mess with Gibson is... Wild b/c as much as i Loathe the dude he supposedly attacked cbs would not just fire their white guy show lead for no reason and i didn’t see any above the level sites claim any funny business there, but he got fired and cbs rang up Brewster and asked her to be the show lead which, honestly, after being fired for being old and irrelevant must have been AMAZING.

she also takes the time to point out to anybody who asks about her and aj being fired for money reasons that no, it was not about money at all. She basically calls her bosses out for being liars in public interviews frequently and it’s Amazing. 

i’m sure there’s more crap but i’m not recalling it rn

honestly cm bts drama is Wild and this doesn’t even get into the Patinkin drama (which while drama, is not actually anything to do with cbs). 

Interestingly enough, it’s super hard to find out all this stuff unless u were in the fandom the whole time because they’ve bloody lied So Much it’s all everyone even believes anymore. It’s disgusting. 

Still can’t believe  ncis:la’s female cast has done this well for so long???? These are just CM’s reciepts, they have a history of doing this stuff over and over on multiple shows, i know of it as far back as when trek tng was airing in the 80′s and can name more in between. 

[iamibecome]

Chapter Eight

     I return when the stars are easily seen in the night sky. Lina’s sleep is still heavily disturbed, and she barely rests. Her sheets are tangled around her and the comforter has been tossed to the floor. There are new dishes on her nightstand, empty of food. That is a good sign.

     Beneath the now empty glass is a new note. The paper has changed; she has drawn little dancing skeletons on the side of the paper. I am amused. She has always mocked society’s version of me in ways that are amusing. I like that about her.

     ‘Dear Reaper,

     Wake me up when you get here.

     With love,  

     Lina’

     I notice the pile of clothes is no longer in the corner of the room. While the room is still a bit chaotic, she appears to have picked up other objects and rearranged a bit. The posters have been fixed upon the wall again. Her dwelling looks almost normal for her, and I feel a little of the weight release from my chest.

     “Lina,” I call to her, moving closer to the bed.

     She tosses and flings an arm at me. I do not move. The arm passed through with no resistance, and she rolls to her other side. She grunts something incomprehensible, then lies on her back. I wait until she is still again.

     “Lina,” I say a bit louder. “I am here.”

     Her eyes snap open. For a moment, she is completely still as her eyes adjust. When she realizes she is awake, she sits straight up on the bed and turns to me. She looks exhausted, and there is a wildness to her eyes I have yet to see. I wonder if I’ve already upset her.

     “Reaper,” She gasps, and her eyes widen. “You came!”

     I nod. She jumps forward to embrace me. I focus completely, and she is in my arms, gripping me tightly. The heaviness in my chest dissipates under her weight. She is thinner than I remember.

     “You have not been eating,” I admonish her, returning the embrace.

     Her body stiffens, and she pulls away from me. “I tried,” She says tersely. “Everything tasted sour again.”

     I nod. I remember her explanation from last time. It does not make sense to me, but I nod all the same. I do not understand, but I must listen.

     “I’ve missed you.” Her voice cracks as she says this, and her chin trembles again.

     I do not know how to reply. This is not a conversation I have practiced with her. Instead, I am reminded of the young child and our conversation. Is this what it is to miss someone? I do not know.

     I stare at her for a moment longer before asking, “What does that mean?”

     She cocks her head to the side and looks at me with disbelief. “You honestly don’t know what I mean when I say that?” When I nod, her brows raise high. “But, you’re death! Hasn’t anyone said they will miss their…uh…”

     She trails off. I am not sure why. I remember quite a few souls that claimed they will be missed, or they miss someone. I did not pay much attention then. I am paying attention now. I do not understand the concept behind the word.

     Lina crosses her arms and legs, continuing to look oddly at me. “Okay, well, I guess I should try to explain. When you stopped visiting, I thought about you a lot.” She taps her lower lip thoughtfully. “There wasn’t a minute where I wasn’t hoping you’d come by. When you didn’t come, I got…uh…a little sad. Okay, a lot sad. Depressed.”

     I knew that word. I remember what depression looked like for her. It was unwashed, tangled hair. She slept a lot. She hardly ate, and barely moved. She snapped angrily when pushed to bother with even the simplest of tasks. She was grey surrounded by a world of color she couldn’t see. I could not forget it. I did not like that she experienced it due to my absence.

     “So that is missing me?” I ask carefully. “You are depressed when I do not visit, and that is the concept of ‘missing’?”

     Frustration takes over her. “No! Well, maybe. I don’t know! It’s hard to explain.” She huffs and turns her head from me. “Man, you are a total mood killer.”

     I wait patiently. Her frustration is not aimed at me. While she grits her teeth and presses her finger against her lips, I notice the tangle of her hair. A hot balloon is expanding in my chest. I am unfamiliar with the sensation, and press a hand against it as if to sooth the ache.

     “Okay, so, when I said I missed you, I meant that I am glad you are here because it hurt when you were gone. I didn’t know if you were going to come back after…” She trails off again, this time staring at me with eyes wide.

     She is afraid. I know that look in a creature’s eyes. All creatures of all species harbor that same look when confronted with danger. I am not a danger to her. She is afraid of me. The hot balloon is expanding painfully, and I push hard against my own chest to alleviate it.

     I remember her horrified expression as she stared at me.

     She seems to notice a change, and she quickly looks down. “I’m…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you before…before with…Jason,” She stammers, avoiding my gaze. “I just…can you really cause death? Before, you told me you could only answer the calls of those dying or dead.”

     I stare at the top of her head. She refuses to look up at me. Instead, she studies the lines and curves of her hand. She has asked a question I do not have the answer to.

     “His heart was weak. I didn’t cause his death so much as I sped up the date,” I talk softly, as I do when I take the very young. “Time is not as it appears. I do not know how to explain it further.”

     She continues to study her hands. “Why did you do that? The bullet….it…” Tears fall into her open palms, and the hot balloon is becoming excruciating.

     “The bullet was not my doing. I pulled his soul quickly, to alleviate suffering.”

     She is silent and has gone still. “Jason wasn’t a good guy. He hurt Nichole plenty of times, and I guess he was ready to kill her over that stupid restraining order. But he didn’t deserve to die like that.” I stay silent as she picks her head up. “Because you did that, Nichole spent weeks in the hospital. She was so distraught…and I…I couldn’t…I still can’t sleep.”

     The pain is becoming too much. I have never experienced this before. I do not know how to respond. I care little for the friend and her apparent torment. I care quite a bit that my actions caused pain for Lina. I feel as if my chest will burst at any moment, and the heat is rising to my throat.

     “He was going to kill you,” I state as calmly as I can. “When you stepped forward, the call I was supposed to answer was your own.”

     The anger on Lina’s face drains suddenly. Her eyes widen, and her face pales. She leans back slowly until she touches the bed, then slumps against it. As she absorbs the information, her eyes trail down my form, until she is looking at the floor.

     “He was aiming for me?” She asks, her voice grave. “Why?”

     “I do not know.” I answer truthfully.

     Her eyes raise to meet mine, and they hold barely contained tears. “Why did you stop him?”

     I cock my head in confusion. “I do not understand.”

     The tears begin to fall as she becomes more animated. “Why did you choose my life over his? If it was my time to go, then why…I am not someone special. I’m not a great person about to change the world. I’m just one person out of billions. Why did you save me?”

     I am shocked. The pain in my chest collapses on itself, and leaves behind a gaping hole. The sensation is more uncomfortable than the pain, and I do not know how to act. I stop rubbing my chest. I stare at Lina’s tear streaked face, the twisted and painful expression on her face, and the way she trembles as she breathes. She is waiting for an answer.

     “You called me your friend when you were younger,” I begin, and notice an unusual waver in my voice. “You called me when you were very little. You weren’t afraid of me then, like most are. When we first spoke, I noticed…things. Your hair is brown, like dark and rich Earth. I never noticed the color of dirt, but I notice it now. There are many different colors of dirt. They are fascinating.”

     As I speak, her jaw drops lower and lower. Her eyes have widened, and her cheeks are reddening. I notice all the little changes that occur in her face. They fascinate me.

     I continue, “I am an unwelcome visitor to most, but you welcomed me to visit often. We have conversations, and I am always interested. You tell me a lot about human daily life. I was never interested in the life of humans, but I am interested in yours. I did not want you to walk through the gate. I did not want all of that to stop. Jason did not interest me. I took him instead.”

     “You think I’m interesting? You think my mundane, stupid, incredibly normal life is interesting?” She stammers, fresh tears falling from her stormy eyes. When I nod, she erupts. “Are you kidding me?! I have done nothing. Half of my life, you spent trying to get me to take a fucking shower every day and eat properly, and you call me interesting? You saved me because my shitty life interests you?”

     I am speechless. She is very upset with me, and I am not sure why. I do not know how to calm her anger. I have never had to calm an angry soul before, and I am not sure how to do that now.

     “I think I misspoke-“

     She stands suddenly and balls her hands into fists. “Like when you told me I could stay with you in the Between, right? How can you-“

     I stand abruptly, cutting her off, and roared. “I have reaped kings and paupers! I have reaped predators and prey! I have reaped for eons, and I will reap for eons more!” The hot balloon returned with a vengeance and has exploded. I am unable to stop myself. “No life has interested me! I have listened to the screams and pleads of multitudes, and you, only you, have caused me to be interested in something! IN THESE EONS, I HAVE SPOKEN TO NO CREATURE! I speak to you!”

     The fire has escaped my throat. I am shocked at my outburst. I have never felt such heat, such release, as this. Lina is staring at me with eyes as wide as her dishes, and mouth completely agape. There is a bit of fear behind those eyes. It makes the heat in my chest worse.

     “I have saved no creature but you. I do not have all the answers, and I do not always know how to speak what I mean.” I pause only long enough to bring the heat back under control, then continue, “As a being that will never experience this life nor will I die, I do not place a value on life. Watching you…. I’ve placed a value on yours.”

     Lina is still speechless. Her hands have relaxed at her side, but her expression has yet to change. The heat has dissipated once again from my chest, and I feel empty. I do not feel like conversing any further, but I do not want to leave Lina in her current state. I sit, cross my arms, bow my head, and wait patiently for the moment to end.

     After a brief silence, Lina sits before me and sighs. “You didn’t deserve my outburst. I’m sorry,” Her voice has lost most of its emotion. “I forget you aren’t human. I still think you are some kind of hallucination sometimes, but then I think you’d be scarier if you were. And you certainly wouldn’t be helpful. My therapist has never talked about helpful hallucinations.”

     I am silent, still mulling over my own outburst, as I listen. She has spoken about hallucinations before. She has hurled accusations about my existence prior to this situation, but she has never denied me. Even if she did, it wouldn’t change that I am sitting before her. If it helps her cope with my sudden appearances, so be it.

     “Listen, when you choose my life over someone else’s, it’s like…a burden for me. I feel guilty that someone else is dead. It’s like how I feel about my bio parents. I survived that somehow, and they didn’t. I wonder sometimes if they would still be alive if I never existed,” She trails off for a moment before recollecting herself. “But anyway, I don’t like knowing that you chose Jason over me.”

     “Would you rather I not told you the truth?” I ask carefully, attempting to gauge each word for clarity’s purpose.

     Lina is silent for a moment. I do not look up to see if I have upset her further. Instead, I study the wisp of my hands again. They do not bend and transform in her presence. I have never been so interested in my own appendages. I am confused, but push those thoughts to the side in an effort to focus on the current issue. It is not easy.

     “Oh geez, I don’t know.” She laughs now, hearty and sudden. “Trying to explain a good lie and a bad lie might not be as possible as I thought. I don’t want you to lie to me, but I have a feeling there are many things I don’t want to know, things I’m not ready to know. Does that make sense?”

     It does not, but I do not want to upset her again. “I do not know how to lie. I will ask if you want to know about these things in the future.”

     I look up as I speak and find Lina smiling. It is not a large smile, but it brightens her more than the others she has shown me. Her stormy eyes appear wet with tears, but she does not seem sad. I am confused, but the smile fills the empty spot in my chest. I am now more amicable to conversing. I no longer want to leave.

     She yawns and attempts to stifle it with one hand. There are dark circles below her eyes, resting on pale, sunken cheeks. She looks beyond exhausted. It has been years since I’ve seen her look so tired. I do not recall what helped her sleep peacefully last time. Was it medicine?

     “You should return to sleep,” I say, beginning to stand.

     Lina startles and jumps up. “No, wait! I don’t want you to go yet.” She looks around quickly and begins tossing back her blankets. “Could you stay with me? At least until I fall asleep?”

     I nod. It is a request I can grant. While Lina rearranges the blankets, and returns the comforter to its original position, I ensure all calls are being answered. I am efficient. I return my focus to the room. Lina is in bed now, and is patting the empty space beside her. She is smiling. I find I like that expression.

     “Lay down with me,” She asks, and I notice there is a faint blush to her cheeks. “Maybe that will stop the nightmares.”

     I nod again and take the position she has requested. It is not difficult to maintain a solid form. If my company can alleviate her fears of me, I am ready to oblige. Anything to replace that image of her horrified expression. I do not want her to be afraid of me.

     As I ease into the bed, Lina lays an arm across my form. She brings her head to my shoulder, and lets out a long, soft sigh. Her eyes close, and I notice a faint smile still teasing her lips. She is happy. I am content. In this moment, the multitudes of voices have become less than background noise. The hot pain and empty sensation is gone from my chest. I do not have questions or berating thoughts. I am still and silent.

     Her breathing evens as the moments pass. She is a comfortable weight. She does not toss and turn, and appears to be resting well. I decide to stay until morning. Interestingly, I find I like this new sensation. It is far better than the feeling of release during my outburst.

     I find I may have an idea behind the word ‘missed’.