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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #334

"i dreamed i was missing / you were so scared / but no one would listen, ‘cuz no one else cared”

Sunrise or sunset? Sunset has prettier colors, imo, but I enjoy the pastel nature of sunrises, too. Are you mentally ill? Oh brother. Are you physically ill? I don't have any serious physical health issues, no. Introvert or extrovert? I'm a very strong introvert. What do you think when you look at your body? That it's fucking disgusting. What have others said when they look at your body? When I was healthy, I was complimented every now and again. With the body I have now? I'm glad people keep their months shut. Do you have a particular song that you feel deeply? There's a good 'ole handful or two. Talk about a time in your life where you have felt most alive? It's weird, I'm not a city person at all, but possibly when I was walking the streets of Chicago with Sara and her dad one evening. There was just so much life, so many new sights, that it was impossible not to. Plus, I was at a very happy point in my life, so. I just enjoyed a lot. Are you confident wearing a bikini? FUCK NO. Have you ever been hurt physically or mentally by a family member? Mentally, obviously. Everyone has at some point. I've never been seriously physically hurt by family, but Mom did spank my sisters and me as kids if we did something wrong. Biggest lie you have told? I don't really know. I get really uncomfortable telling even minor lies, so making a big one would be excruciating. I'm not saying I've never said a biggie, I'm sure in 25 years of life I said something stupid at one point, I just don't remember it. Do you believe in the Illuminati? Nah; there's some compelling evidence, but I just think it's way too big of a secret to keep. Regrets in your life? Blaming the breakup entirely on Jason and saying just plain cruel things to him afterwards. Also sending an appallingly hateful letter to Dad to vent after the divorce. Flirting with my then-best friend's boyfriend at the time behind her back. Dating Tyler (it's a small one, but still a regret). There are others, those are just the only ones coming to me right now. Achievements in your life? Lots of academic success and awards (before college, anyway...), artistic accomplishments like having my work put in a museum, surviving a traumatic breakup, (mostly) recovering from massive depression... What did people say about you in school? Nothing, really. I was a quiet student who just did her work and tried hard. Is there something you have never told anyone? Yes. If you had two days to spend one million dollars how would you spend it? First, I'm paying off college debt. Then Mom gets a new car, followed by me getting new glasses and renewing my permit. I'm getting a good terrarium setup for Venus. Then, it's tattoo time, baby, haha. I can't really do the mental math on how much this all would cost, but those are the high-priority things I can think of. Describe your first kiss? Was it how you imagined? Jason and I were playfighting in bed, and he had me pinned. Our faces were close, and I decided to kiss him. It was a fairy tale moment, in my eyes. He looked so bashful for once (he's far from shy) but also really happy, and I was too. Growing up were you in a wealthy, average, or low income household? Low, I think. Or maybe average, when Dad was still around. Have you been raised by a solo parent? When I was around 17, my parents split, so kinda-sorta. Do you know both your parents? Thankfully, yes. Have you abused drugs or alcohol? No. Are you comfortable accepting compliments? Ehhhh, I really appreciate them and they can make my whole day, but I'm very awkward about it. I get shy. Are you comfortable giving compliments? Oh yes. I honestly love giving compliments; I know how happy they can make me, so why not share that with others? Is any mental illness hindering your life? Guess. (: Is any physical illness hindering your life? Well, it's not an "illness," but the muscles in my legs have severely atrophied from leading such a horribly sedentary lifestyle, and that has greatly affected my ability to work without the risk of just collapsing. Walking at all is painful. Are you preparing for an apocalypse? No. I'm not really one to worry about "prepping." If it happens, it happens, man. I'm not spending loads of money on a "maybe." Are you interested in cults? Not really, no. Are your parents good cooks? Mom is fine, but it's hard to really judge Dad's cooking since he barely ever did it, plus I haven't had his cooking in many, many years. I remember he was great at making breakfast, though. That was like a rare treat, him deciding to make breakfast for everyone. Have you ever been to a chiropractor? Did you like it? No. Do you know anyone who is an actor? No. Have your wisdom teeth come through yet? They never did. Have you ever used a public pay phone? No. Have you ever made an item of clothing? No. Have you taken someone's virginity? No. Is confidence cute? "Confidence, yes. But cockiness and arrogance, no. That’s a whole different area that’s definitely not cute." <<<< Nailed it. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Doubt it. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? No; rather, I drink too much of it. I'm trying really hard to lay off of it, and I drink nowhere near as much as I used to (when oddly enough, I was healthy and fit), but I'm still not comfortable drinking a can and a half a day. Listening to? "Castle of Glass" by Linkin Park. Kinda obsessed. Ever used a bow and arrow? No, but archery is cool. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? I don't think this has happened since my senior shot in HS. Take a vitamin daily? Daily, no, but I really should. I take a Vitamin D capsule every Sunday, though. Favorite Taylor Swift song? I only really like "Love Story" and "Picture to Burn." Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yeah. Which are better: black or green olives? I don't like olives period, but I guess black. What’s your 3rd favourite animal? Huh, never thought of #3, just #1 and #2: meerkats and opossums. Maybe snakes? Do you like mushrooms? NO. NO NO NO. What dream do you remember most vividly? One I don't talk about. A childhood nickname? Mom called me "Twinkie" and still sometimes does. ;-; Does anyone in "real life" know that you take surveys? Would you be embarrassed if they found your blog? Just Sara. And yes, regarding some people. Who was the last person you blocked on social media? Did you have an argument that lead to that happening? I'm unsure, but probably. I don't tend to just like... randomly block people. What was the first social media account you remember signing up for? Are you still a member of that particular website, if it even still exists? Of course it was MySpace. It's still floating around somewhere in cyberspace. What website from your childhood/teen years do you wish still existed? I get nostalgic over the Animal Planet forums sometimes. Have you ever met up with anyone in real life that you first met via the internet? Did you get on as well as you thought you would? Yes, Sara. I felt like it would go just fine, but it went even better than I expected - I was oddly very comfortable around her and her family. Have you ever tried any of those meal replacement shakes? Are you a fan of things like that in general? Yeah; I tried many brands until I settled for Equate, surprisingly. Cheap does not equate to bad quality, my friends. We always have the chocolate ones in the house, and they're really not bad at all. Are you the kind of person to enjoy taking naps? I love me my daily nap, man. What's your favourite kind of cheese to have on a pizza? Idk, whatever cheese is normally used, lol. What's a hobby you loved when you were younger but no longer enjoy for whatever reason? I guess video editing. I can't say I'd no longer enjoy it at all, but now the idea sounds far more like a chore than fun. Is there a popular food/drink that you can't stand? What is it and why don't you like it? I could name five dozen, but here's just a few: coffee, pie, tea, fried chicken (or is that just a Southern thing to be obsessed with?), and... of course now that I'm asked this question, I'm blanking on the huge number I know exist. As for "why," that varies, but it's either just simply a taste or even a texture thing. How would your wedding boquet look like? I want a gothic-themed wedding, so imagine a mix of black and maroon roses... whew-wee. You’re at a bar, and you witness a man drugging some girl's drink. What do you do? No hesitation, I'm decking the motherfucker. Fuck my fear of men, he's getting knocked out, and I'm immediately alerting the staff, as well as of course the girl. Kids? How many? Why? Names? Boy or girl? Y'know, loads and loads of scaly and hairy ones. Got plenty of name ideas depending on what they are and how they look. The only baby whose gender matters to me is the tarantula because females live waaaay longer. Fuck them human babies, not for me. Are you an organ donor? Absolutely. I sure as hell ain't usin' 'em once I'm dead, so consider it my last act of selflessness. Whats the most you’ve ever lost gambling? I don't gamble. What is something you can never give up (that's not love or family)? My pebble from my "graduation" from my first partial hospitalization program. It's meant to symbolize how great pain and trials can file you into something beautiful. It was passed around group, everyone holding it in their hands as they wished me well and spoke their piece about me. I'm honestly just fighting back tears remembering it. Have you ever waited in line overnight for something? No, I'm way too impatient for that shit.. Do you think having an expensive phone is a good investment? Hm. I guess it depends on what you use it for. Have you ever witnessed a birth in person? A human birth, no fucking thank you. I've only ever seen pet cats give birth. Does anyone in your family smoke? My dad does, big time. He quit drinking, but never quite managed to stay away from cigarettes. Have you ever had a pet escape and run away? Seeing as I grew up with outdoor cats that we couldn't afford to fix, pretty much all of our tomcats left for roving once they came of a certain age. Do any of your exes know each other? Juan and Jason know each other, Jason and Girt know one another as well, and Sara and Girt have met. What’s an opinion you find impossible to take seriously? I simply cannot fathom the belief that "dinosaurs never existed." Explain the fucking fossils, like come the fuck on. It's absolute denial in the name of religion. What was the very first election you voted in? This one that just passed, actually. What is one random fact about you? I want like 20 tarantulas but Mom says no. :( Do you spend a lot of time outdoors in the summer? Fuck no, I will do anything to stay inside in summer. Do you wear band tees? if yes, which one is your favorite? I love band tees, yeah. My Ninja Sex Party shirt is the most comfortable, but comfort aside, it's hard to pick a favorite. Possibly my Otep one, 'cuz the design is dope. Do you ever re-arrange your room? No. What season do you want to get married in? Fall. What is the highest name-brand thing you own? Oh god, I don't own expensive brand stuff. I guess the only exclusion would be my Cloak shirt, but even that's not like, mad pricey. What color GameBoy did you have as a kid? Red. What was your favorite GameBoy game? Maybe that Catz game? Even though the music was the most fucking obnoxious meowing ever lmao. What was the last compliment you remember someone gave to you? Who was it? It was this guy in my PHP group; my therapist surprised the fuck out of me by sharing with everyone my most recent poem (I trust him a lot, and he urges me to send him my art, so I've done that twice), and I nearly fucking died from cardiac arrest. However, this Nick guy, who's a poetry major, told me it was better than stuff he reads in his Master's program. I almost cried. Have you ever personally been friends with a stripper or prostitute? No, not that I'm opposed though or anything. If you have tattoos, which one that you have was the most painful? The one on my inner forearm. Have you ever actually met and talked to someone who’s famous? No. When was the last time you got a parking ticket for anything at all? I never have. Do you have any pets who will bite anyone else out there, besides you? No; Roman won't even come close enough to a stranger TO bite, haha. It's funny, he's so goofy and you'd guess outgoing, but instead, he's terrified of people he doesn't recognize. What’s your favorite type of sushi? I don't eat sushi. What’s your favorite patriotic song? Don't have one. Have you ever read a book about a character in a psych ward? No, and I'd really prefer not to because it would just drag me back to dark times. Have you ever been in a mental hospital as a patient? ^ Have you ever had an ulcer? No. Do you like soy sauce? omfg no What’s your favorite store to browse around? Morph Market. @_@ It's a hub for reptiles for sale, and I have my days where I just browse the ball python morphs for like an hour or so, haha. What’s the name of the most recent baby a friend had? Christ, half my friends on Facebook are having babies, idr. I don't know who was the most recent. Do people normally say you’re a fast typer, or are you rather slow? I'm very fast. Have you ever been considered the "smartest person in school?" No; that was my friend Hannia. I'm pretty certain she would qualify as a genius. Her GPA was fucking incredible. Were you named after anyone famous or anyone on television? No.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''leave out all the rest'' by linkin park

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muselixer · 5 years ago

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ask meme - things my friends said ! ( volume three )

from July 2019 - September 2019 warnings: language, ns/fw themes, alcohol mentions, drug mentions change pronouns as needed! under the cut for your dashboard convenience

“Put that on reddit and I’ll grind you like cheese.” “THIS ISN’T THE M25.” “Safety first? Can’t relate.” “I am a mer-BITCH.” “Wonderful, my drunk ramblings are being used for education again. Where's my wallet?" “PUT THE HUNDREDTH PRESIDENT ON THE HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL, ASSHOLE!” “Instead of carrying mase, I just carry a hairbrush.” “We're just really high on blanket smell.” “Only crackheads can hear normal voices.” “I WALKED INTO BOTH OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS.” “LOOK AT US. PLEASE, LOOK AT US. WE'RE YOUR PACK MULES.” “If you have a neck, you’re a hellspawn.” “I should probably do the dishes before my mother astral projects back home to yell me into the dirt.” “This is not HENTAI, I am NOT attracted to a snake.” “Don't mind me, I'm just having a gay stroke.” “I WILL NEVER STOP SAYING BITCH, FUCK YOU.” “Limes taste like an old, stale skittle.” “WHO DO YOU THINK I AM? THE GOLDEN CORRAL OF BITCHES?” “I DON'T CARE. I DON'T ASK PEOPLE FOR NUDES.” “WE CAN RE-EDUCATE THE CHILDREN.” “God, I can already feel myself drifting off. How does a horizontal position change the game so much?” “We HYDRATE in this bitch.” “I'm a drunk man with a phone.” “I'm your man for getting into small holes.” “Tony Hawk is just THAT powerful.” “I wanna be the fastest boy in the village.” “Well, I thought, if I think faster, I’ll go faster.” “Imagine nutting, and suddenly you’re a flame thrower.” “I feel like a Vienna sausage.” “I diagnose myself with bitch.” “God damn, I miss being twelve and not depressed.” “I don’t need drinks to be drunk.” “I fully gave birth out there.” “As long as I’m not detrimental to anyone, I WILL be an inconvenience.” “Hey guys, I’m back. And I’m ready to BITCH.” “I love being a weak bitch!” “Sorry, my brain is on fucking cucaracha.” “Fapping is just sex in single player mode.” “Is it possible to un-dab?” “Google how many nipples snakes have.” “Snakes don’t have nipples.” “Lil Punk is my new rap name.” “It’s legal for babies to pout.” “We’re the--” *gasp* “WE’RE THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE.” “I don’t wanna live in a world where a beat-up station wagon is an ‘epic’ moment.” “I am a shredded potato in this current moment.” “I might have a death wish but I would do literally anything else before I let some little bitch parasite threaten my life.” “Who hasn’t gotten a little tongue with their dog?” “LET’S CURBSTOMP THE GOVERNMENT!” “The smell of Axe body spray triggers my fight or flight response.” “Are you telling me I DON’T have a disease called homosexuality?” “My consciousness is but a parasite.” “It’s an egg that puts the fear of God in me, I’ll tell ya what.” “It’s a parking garage for prisoners!” “You don’t need contacts to see their boobs!” “Niccolo Machiavelli looks like a little bastard.” “Yeah, he seems like the kind of person to be like, ‘I’ll live another ten years,’ and then he didn’t.” “Nothing new happened, but the anxiety metaphorically bodyslammed me into a folding table.” “I’ve yelled at you way too many times for you to cry about it.” “Can you imagine two e-girls fighting?” “Hecko, I am a loser-o.” “I feel like Vincent van Gogh. I’ll be unappreciated until my death, and only then will I be loved and adored by millions.” “The good Lord has smote me with that sweet, sweet anxiety.” “You look like a fucking limo driver.” “Did you know I kin the lesbian pride flag?” “I’m gonna commit stage four cancer treatment.” “I didn’t know early 2000′s Alan Cumming was making a comeback.” “Swear, I’ll clap your asscheeks.” “I might be able to serve you in a rap battle, but I don’t know how to serve a table.” “My entire lower half is weeping.” “I guess when you turn 16 you gain a neck.” “Oh, you want a bigger dick? Have fun NEVER USING IT, EVER.” “You wouldn’t go out adventuring if you were a shithead.” “Be prepared to be spooked and clench your asshole.” “My mouth is good for French.” “I don’t even have a brain cell today.” “I’m gonna give you five seconds to say something else.” “I have had one ugly moment and I’m still in it.” “This rhombus has jaundice. The jaundice rhombus.” “There’s two places pineapple doesn’t belong! One: on a pizza! Two: in my ass!” “Yup, I’m a god amongst men.” “I’m a fucking shit.” “You want me to pour an egg straight into your mouth, you kinky fuck?” “How long ago was 2003?” “Being gay and homophobic is pretty woke.” “He doesn’t deserve cheesecake. I deserve the cheesecake.” “The pencils smell like pencils.” “I loosen the pants. Is that a charisma check or a strength check?” “Who is this Hawaiian mother fucker?” “Walking is hard.” “We at an anime convention, Jesus can’t help you!” “And you’re a sparky sparky boom boom boy, you deal with that.” “His butt would his the foot rest.” “I CAN’T BE AWAY FROM YOU CRACKHEADS FOR FIVE MINUTES.” “I forget you have family.” “It’s the brain cell of the week.” “Men must have created speed bumps.” “Ew, ew, my clothing.” “Oh, I’m already getting a game over? That’s fucking hot.” “At this point it’s not even about straying further from God.” “How am I supposed to go to a job interview after this? All I can think about is sexy Colonel Sanders.” “That’s some long meat.” “Zeus was horny on main.” “Don’t be horny on main. Be horny on sideblog. Have you SEEN Hades elsewhere? MY GOD.” “There’s men with computers in their heads and we don’t know if they’re going to try and steal our condensed milk.” “If you’re gonna be a slut, you should at least be proud of it.” “I will dress nice for you, but I will NOT cosplay in a cheesecake factory.” “When your child overthrows you, they take the skeleton with them.” “HE’S A FUCKING CHICKEN WIZARD. DILF CHICKEN WIZARD.” “What would I know? I’m not a capitalist.” “I MIGHT KEYSMASH A WHOLE LOT, BUT I CAN DRIVE, WHICH MEANS I’M NOT A BOTTOM.” “We salted our cardboard pizza slices like cavemen.”

#not a musing #ask meme #rp ask meme

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rauliskafan · 7 years ago

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We Go Together

A special story for @svu-stories and all of you stunning readers on this Saturday night or Sunday morning!!! Enjoy!!!

“Are you awake?”

“The better question is did I even sleep?”

Your eyes drifted towards the clock on the bedside table. 5:47. Still a little over four hours until your life would change irrevocably. You had fixed it with Derek so that he would take the lead on every party from now until at least next Monday. Rafael made the same move when it came to his caseload, and you’d spent the better part of last night clearing out the space that would be your baby boy’s room. Rafael was quick to remind you of the chances that this would only be the first in a long line of meet and greets.

But you were erring on the side of optimism, your hopes overwhelming anything and everything else.

“Where are you going?” Rafael asked when you sat up from the pillows.

“Shower,” you said. “Never too soon to start getting ready.”

“Well is a little too soon,” he quipped, and you playfully tossed one of the smaller pillows towards his smirking face.

“Get used to it, darling,” you said. “Our days of sleeping in are about to become a thing of the past.�� The sight of his smirk softening into a warm smile assured you that he didn’t mind, let you know that he was just as excited about what today would mean as you were. But he still asked for an extra ten minutes prior to his first cup of coffee.

“I’ll have it waiting for you,” you promised, bending over the bed to place a quick peck on his cheek. Rafael’s hand drifted down your side, and within a second your fingers were laced together.

“Always taking such excellent care of me, mi amor,” he said, bowing his head to kiss your wrist. “Someone’s about to be the world’s best mother.”

Your heart swelled at those words, and you leaned into his lips, savoring his taste.

“Don’t let your mother hear you say that,” you playfully teased.

“Duly noted,” he replied. “Between you and me it’ll be the best kept secret in Manhattan.”

You liked the sound of that, something that only the two of you would share…

…like the baby hours away from entering your lives. When you received the call last week, you were far too shocked to say anything other than thank you. In the days since the fateful news, there had been chances to collect specifics. But you refused the opportunity at every turn. Your husband seemed somewhat confused by this course of action, and you told him that if you were having a baby the old-fashioned way, everything would be a mystery until the actual birth.

Part of you wanted to preserve that feeling.

Showering quickly and then beginning to brew the coffee, you slipped back into the bedroom to dress. Rafael was up and sifting through his wide variety of ties and suspenders. You smiled to yourself at the thought that he wanted to look his best to meet the baby boy, and you made the same effort by selecting a stylish yet simple navy-blue dress. It fell just above your knees with a high collar and short sleeves. By the time your husband had showered, you were ready to meet the day, and Rafael snaked one arm around your waist.

“Pretty as a picture,” he murmured into your ear as he stole another kiss.

“You’re biased, Mr. Barba,” you said. Your linked reflections gazed at you from the full-length mirror, and you let your head fall back to his shoulder.

“Can you believe it?” you asked. “After all this time?”

“A long wait,” he said.

“Sometimes I didn’t think that it would…”

Tears began to prick your eyes. Rafael spied as much in the glass, and even as he twirled you around to face him you moved faster, swatting the tears away.

“But here we are,” you continued. “A happy day. I’m going to be all smiles from here on out.”

“Really?” he asked, arching one eyebrow.

“Well… at least until we meet him face-to-face.”

“That’s what I thought,” he said. His hand caressed your cheek, and he drew you close for a hug, his hands gliding down your spine as he tightened the embrace.

“I better get that coffee,” he said softly.

“It’s ready and waiting for you, Papi.”

Pulling back, Rafael blinked, and you felt your jaw unhinge when you saw his green eyes beginning to pool and glisten as the light started to trickle into the apartment.

“I’m sorry if I---”

“Don’t be sorry, mi amor. I’m just loving the sound of it.” He left you with one last kiss, and you moved to make the bed. Jingles sat curled in a ball at the edge of the mattress, and you sat beside the kitty and scratched her tiny head.

“Today is the day we meet your baby brother,” you told her and as Jingles cuddled close to your thigh, somehow you felt sure that she understood, that she was wholeheartedly on board with the plan.

All that was left to do was to lay eyes on the final piece of the puzzle.

“His name is Zachary. Here’s his file.”

Some things had to be revealed now, but since the moment was so near, you hardly minded. Rafael reached across the desk where Mrs. Patricia Gallagher sat. From the first day she was assigned to your case, she was friendly but also sensible, honest yet never cruel. It was the perfect combination for what proved to be a most arduous journey. Crossing the finish line, you peered at the folder in Rafael’s grasp, your eyes swiftly skimming the page.

“He… his parents were killed?” you asked as you looked up from the document.

“Car accident,” Patricia said. “On their way home from the father’s office Christmas party. Black ice. It was tragic.”

Rafael continued to read, speaking as he flipped through the pages.

“And there was no family to take him in?” he asked.

“None at all. His father, believe or not, was an orphan, too. And his mother… she cut off contact with her kin long before the marriage. A few friends expressed a passing interest. But it was just that.”

“How can people be so heartless?” you huffed.

“I know, Mrs. Barba,” Patricia agreed with a shake of her head. “But his parents hadn’t been in the tri-state area all that long. And casual acquaintances don’t often take in someone else’s child.”

“But a stranger will,” Rafael said as he finished the file first and passed it into your hands. “How long has he been in foster care?”

“Going on eleven months. And of course, he had just turned two when all of this happened.”

“So… wait. He’s three now?” you asked. “You didn’t mention that on the phone.”

“I didn’t think it mattered,” Patricia said. “You said that you were open to any child from newborn to three years old.”

“That’s right, mi amor,” Rafael reminded you with a light touch to your shoulder. “We discussed this.”

“I know,” you said in a small voice. And the last thing that you wanted was to be lumped in the same equation with the casual friends who had pawned the boy off when he was too little now that he had almost another year on the situation.

But still…

“Patricia, can you give us a moment?” you asked.

“Of course.”

The other woman left her desk, and once she had closed the door behind her you saw Rafael rise for an instant then slip to his knees as he gripped your hands.

“Mi amor, what’s the problem?” he worriedly asked. “We did talk about this.”

“I know,” you agreed.

“And he… Zachary is a perfectly healthy child,” Rafael continued. “What happened to how excited you were?”

“I… I don’t know,” you said with a small shrug of your shoulders, hating the feel of the words about to spill off the tip of your tongue. “I guess… I guess I just assumed that he would be a baby. So we could have all the firsts with him. I know that must make me sound like some kind a monster.”

You tried to avoid Rafael’s eyes when he pressed two fingers under your chin and made you meet his emerald orbs.

“You are many things,” he started. “A monster is last on the list. But be straight with me; why hesitate now?”

Sighing, you nibbled on your lower lip for a few seconds.

“I… I mean I know he won’t remember these years in the long run. But right now he must know that there was another Mommy who loved him. Probably some nice lady in his life now that he’s come to depend on. And I’m just supposed to step in? What if I’m not good enough? What if that’s the foundation that we build the future on? I… I feel like it’s all rigged against me and the game hasn’t even started yet.”

Rafael stayed silent as he helped you to stand. What would he say now? That this… this was how you react after all this time? Better for him to scoop the boy up and leave you to grow old alone with only Jingles for company and---

“Mi amor, hush,” he soothed. “All the cards are in our favor. This isn’t a job you and Derek are going to lose. This… this isn’t Sunday dinner with your family.”

“Why would you mention them?” you hurriedly asked, too many bad memories of a life where you were less than beginning to bubble to the surface when Rafael pulled you close and whispered into your hair.

“Not to upset you,” he said. “You’re a million miles away from that. This is our family and our time. If other ladies loved him, then he’s one lucky little man. But no one is going to love him as much as you will.”

Taking a step back, he peered intently into your eyes, and you relaxed in his stare and the feel of fingers dancing up and down your arms.

“I believe you when you talk like that,” you finally replied.

“Believe me always, mi amor. Ready to meet Zachary?”

“Yes,” you said with a firm nod, and he guided you to the door so you could meet up with Patricia.

All it took was a few small steps down a dark speckled floor bordered by dull white walls. Twisting a doorknob, Patricia literally let the light from the room wash over the pair of you, and you blinked a few times, your eyes adjusting to the glare…

…and then your gaze found the gift so many other women took for granted just within your reach.

He was small. That much was to be expected. Wearing powder blue shorts and a small matching coat over a white button-down shirt, he reminded you of a sailor. If tiny men whose legs dangled over the edges of chairs with feet incapable of touching the ground were ready to conquer the seven seas. Maybe this boy could. He seemed so calm. Which was a miracle in and of itself considering the storm that had been his little life. He looked up at you as you lingered in the doorway with a plump face under a head of curly orange hair…

…and wide green eyes... a shade that you took for a sign.

“Thank you, Lois,” Patricia said as her co-worker exited the room and Patricia sat beside the little boy. “Zachary, there are some people here that I would very much like you to meet. Is that okay?”

He nodded without words and your legs were like jelly as Rafael led you closer to the table where Zachary sat with crayons, unruled white paper, and a picture of what looked like a dog and a bird either sitting or sleeping under a tree.

Such a pretty picture...

“Zachary,” Patricia continued. “These are the Barbas.”

With an easy grace, Patricia slid away from the scene but stayed on the sidelines. Your tongue was tied in your throat, so Rafael sat you in one chair and just as quickly assumed another.

“Hello, Zachary,” Rafael began, looking over the boy’s little shoulder. “That’s some drawing you’ve got there.”

Why wasn’t he saying anything? Did he dislike you from the start? Had you somehow cursed the thing you had wanted for so long without so much as a chance to take him into your arms and chase the bad memories away for all three of you?

“Yeah. I like pets. No pet where I live. I think two like this are nice.”

“I agree,” Rafael said keeping his voice low and even, tilting his head one way and then the other as he kept looking at the picture. “You know, we don’t have a dog. Or a bird. But we have a cat. Do you think cats are good?”

“Cats very nice,” Zachary said, his voice a little more excited as his eyes traveled the length of Rafael’s paisley tie until he met his eyes.

And when he saw the green, the little boy’s smile grew even wider.

“Our cat is called Jingles,” Rafael said. “She would love to meet you.”

“I like to meet her,” Zachary said. “Can I come to your house to play?”

“I think that can be arranged,” Rafael promised. Smiling for a second over the little boy’s head, he found your eyes. In no time flat, Zachary wanted to come home with you, and you suddenly felt so foolish for doubting that this would be anything less than magic.

“Mi amor? What do you think?”

Your words were still slow to come when Zachary turned to face you. You took in the few freckles adorning his cheeks and knew that there had never been another little boy this beautiful.

“You know, my wife is an amazing cook,” Rafael said. “She can make you anything to eat.”

“Anything?” Zachary hopefully asked.

“I… yes. What’s your favorite food?”

“Hmm… I like hot dogs and popcorn. Can you make that?”

“You bet,” you said, your heart coming to rest and the words flowing easier when he scooted a little closer. “Maybe we could have that for lunch?”

“That good! Can your cat have some, too?”

“Of course!” you said. Rafael barely suppressed a chuckle. How many times did you caution him to keep Jingles diet feline with little to no variations? But today was different. Today was Thanksgiving and Christmas and every occasion worthy of fireworks all rolled into one.

“Yay! Let’s go now!” Zachary reached for the crayons and a piece of paper when he suddenly paused and looked to Patricia.

“Can I take some?” he asked. “So I can draw picture of the cat to take home with me?”

“Zachary, I have a better idea.”

Rafael raised a hand to caution you, but out of the corner of your eye you saw Patricia wave him off with a smile.

“How would you like to come and stay with us?” you asked. “We… we have a room...”

Which still needed some work but...

“And I can make hot dogs all day and Jingles would love it if you drew lots and lots of pictures of her and…”

Your voice stalled when the boy bit down on his lower lip. He appeared to consider the possibility, and you were wracked with a wave of fear. Had you come on too strong too soon? Should you have just kept it light and easy and waited for where the day would take you? Let Jingles do some of the heavy lifting? You started to speak again when Zachary hopped off the chair still clutching his paper in one hand and some crayons in the other.

“Okay. That sounds fun!”

You and Rafael rose in unison and exchanged a quick glance. Could it really be this smooth?

“I think you all should be off,” Patricia said. “Let me just grab some papers for you to sign.”

Her gentle hand tapped your back before she departed the room, and Rafael suggested that you and you and the little guy take off to find something sweet at the corner café until his job was done.

“No,” Zachary said, sitting again and pointing to the seat beside him until you followed suit. “We go together.”

You mouthed that you loved Rafael as he patted Zachary’s head and peeled off his jacket, rolling up his sleeves and waiting to sign on the dotted line that would make him truly yours and---

“Oooh!” Zachary dropped one crayon and pointed at your husband. “I like those!”

“What?” Rafael asked as he scanned his shirt and finally snapped his suspenders. “These?”

“They nice!” Zachary beamed, and you suppressed a light laugh. “Can I have some like that and the hot dogs and the popcorn?”

“You can have as many suspenders as you want,” you said, taking his small hand in yours and winking at your husband.

After all, why would Rafael Barba’s son wear anything else?

#raul esparza #rafael barba #svu fanfiction #imagine #for my friend

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mythology-rants · 7 years ago

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Heracles VS Disney’s Hercules

Alrighty, if you’ve been reading this blog for more than a few entries you know that I really don't like Disney’s Hercules when it comes to comparison to mythology. There’s very little that I actually find really similar, not his feats, not the satyr, and the god relations to him and each other are horrendous. I really don't know where to start in telling you the differences. I guess we can start with the beginning of the movie.

The movie Hercules starts out on Mount Olympus, with all the gods celebrating the new god Hercules’s birth to his father Zeus and mother Hera. One, Heracles is not a god until the end of his life, two, Hera is not his mother, she actually hates him because he was born because Zeus cheated on her with a mortal (like he does a million and one times in ancient Greek myth). Also I will state (read: shout) this again: Hercules is Roman! His Greek name is Heracles! Hera actually hates him so much that she delayed his birth so another family member became king, lead to him being left for dead (in this situation Athena takes Heracles to Hera to be nursed because at the time the queen of the gods didn’t recognize him, which gave him his supernatural powers) in his and his brother’s crib she sends two poisonous snakes that he manages to strangle with his meaty baby hands. Also in the movie, Hercules is given Pegasus who was created from clouds. Ahh, no and no, Heracles never rides Pegasus and Pegasus is the son of Poseidon and Medusa.

Hercules fails to accurately portray his youth as well, instead of destroying things and finding out he is descended from gods, Heracles ends up killing his music tutor and sent off to a cattle farm to live more peacefully (newsflash: peaceful doesn’t happen). Sometime during this he is taught by the centaur Chiron. Not a satyr, no goats here. Later he goes to Thebes and marries the king’s daughter Megara. Unlike the movie, she is not a woman in service of Hades because a) this is not a Disney movie meant for good and happy thoughts, and b) Hades is not really a bad guy in mythology, but I’ll cover that another time. He has a few kids with Megara and during this time, Hera puts him into a fit of madness, which leads to him killing his wife and kids. To repent he goes to the Oracle to see what he must do to be forgiven. The answer is to be in the service of his cousin, King Eurystheus for ten years. The king decides on ten labors. Not very kid friendly right? No, it’s really not. Trust me, it gets worse.

The first of the ten labors was to slay the Nemean Lion, a beast so great that it had impenetrable skin. No arrows, no beatings by clubs, no weapons could injure it. He only managed by using his massive strength to strangle the creature before skinning it with it’s own claws. He from then on used the skin as armor. While the movie does show him fighting a lion and later wearing a lion’s skin, he did not fight a river guardian first (he encounters a river guardian much later in life) and definitely did not have paintings of him done in the skin. He was a busy hero with much to do.

The second labor was slaying the Hydra, which originally had 9 heads, unlike the movie’s one, and while the heads did keep growing two with every one cut off, Heracles did not defeat it by causing a landslide, as it did not live in a cave but a swamp. He also did not defeat it alone but his nephew helped him, as Heracles cut the heads, the nephew burned the stumps so it could not grow two more. During this time he was also being attacked by a giant crab sent by, who else, Hera, the crab was of course killed, by being stepped on by Heracles. Only the last Hydra head was immortal and was buried under a large rock. Heracles then dipped his arrows in the poisonous blood of the Hydra to make them even more powerful. However, when Heracles and Iolaus went back, the king refused to count the labor, because Heracles was given help.

While there are another 10 labors after, I’m going to skip over most of them that aren’t really important to the movie and thus don’t fit for the contrasting between Heracles and the Disney movie Hercules. I am however going to highlight this, in the movie Hercules says he ‘wrestled the Gorgon’, no, just no. One, there are three Gorgons, Medusa was the mortal one and her two immortal sisters. Two, Perseus killed Medusa, by cutting off her head, and he just happens to be Heracles’s ancestor. Hercules never met a Gorgon thanks.

One last labor highlight shows one very important difference, Hades is not the bad guy. The final labor of Heracles was to bring Cerberus, Hades’s triple headed guard dog, to the surface from the Underworld. King Eurystheus thought this would be the greatest way to get rid of Heracles forever, and of course, Heracles had to do it. So, he journeyed to the Underworld and went to Hades to ask if he could take Cerberus for the labor. Hades agreed on one condition, Heracles had to defeat the animal by his own strength. He succeeds and takes the dog to the king, and then lets the dog go, who ends up back at his post. Unlike the movie, Hades is not the villain, he just is there for a tiny portion of Heracles’s life. Hades is just generally an easy scapegoat for everyone’s villain because he is king of the dead. He isn’t even god of death, come on people, stop vilifying Hades!!! (Ok, I know my next post subject, Hades.)

Remember how I said that Heracles encounters a river guardian/centaur later in life? Well here it is. Heracles married again later in life to Deianeira, and they came across a river. The only way for Deianeira to cross would have been on the centaur’s back, so she was put on his back and taken across the river. However, after they crossed the river, the Centaur, Nessus, decided to run off with her to try to have his way with her. Heracles was enraged and shot one of the Hydra poisoned arrows into the centaur which killed him. However before Nessus died he told Deianeira to take some of his blood and if Heracles ever turned to other women, the blood would make him return to his faithfulness to her. Later, Deianeira was worried about Heracles marrying another woman, Iole, so she sprayed the blood onto a robe and gave it to him. The blood however was corrosive and lead to Heracles dying a harsh, painful and slow death. He climbed onto a funeral pyre to die and after his mortality was burned away, Zeus took him as a new god to Mount Olympus where he was accepted by most of the gods due to his exploits. Hera’s daughter Hebe even became his wife. (Once again, gods marrying siblings.)

I understand the Disney movie was meant to be child friendly, but there is a limit of how off you can be before it completely misleads people. Heracles and the Disney movie Hercules have many more differences than similarities, and while as a movie it is good for children, keep in mind that Heracles’s life was definitely not that child friendly. Hades, if I didn’t stop here, you’d be reading a book instead of a blog post.

#hercules #heracles #greek mythology #humor #mythology rant

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scootoaster · 4 years ago

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The longest species of snakes that slither the planet

This story originally featured on Field & Stream.

Pretty much all of the really impressive “biggest snakes in the world”—the 50-footers and up—live online or in Hollywood. (Many of the latter starred in the 1982 Arnold Schwarzenegger breakthrough hit Conan the Barbarian and are retired now.) But even in the real world, a handful of snake species can grow to immense proportions. The longest of them, pythons, can stretch well beyond the length of George Washington’s 21-foot nose on Mount Rushmore, and there is anecdotal evidence of some specimens reaching 33 feet, or nearly as long as a telephone pole. In 2017, the body of a palm fruit farmer in Indonesia was found inside a 23-foot-long python. Villagers became suspicious when they found the snake “slithering awkwardly” near where the farmer’s boot was found. There was also the man-sized bulge in the snake’s body.

What follows isn’t a strict rundown of the largest snakes ever recorded, as that would mostly involve pythons of slightly different lengths. Instead, here are the world’s largest snake species, along with a few individual specimens that are just too impressive to leave out.

Reticulated python

Cast members of The Edge of Hell Haunted House in Kansas City show off Medusa, a 25-foot, 2-inch reticulated python and Guinness World Records holder for largest living snake. (Guinness World Records/)

Anacondas get all the press about being the biggest snakes because they are in terms of weight (see below). But the longest documented living snake is a reticulated python named Medusa, who resides at The Edge of Hell Haunted House in Kansas City. Medusa is 25 feet, 2 inches long and weighs 350 pounds. When it’s “show time,” Medusa will stay completely still for the entire haunted-house performance. She is fed a small deer every other week or so. A python, like Medusa, bites its prey and then swallows it whole. There is an alleged record of 32-foot, 10-inch reticulated python that was shot in 1912. But, like most long snake records, this one is hard to nail down. Snake stories, it seems, are a lot like fish stories.

Green anaconda

Two men hold a green anaconda skin in Brazil’s Amazon basin. (Hemis/Alamy/)

Green anacondas are the biggest of their kind, reaching lengths of 30 feet and weighing up to 500 pounds. There is a news clipping from 2016 about a 33-foot anaconda in Brazil, but it hasn’t been independently confirmed. Anacondas are a great reason not to go swimming in South America, since that’s where they live and they are primarily water snakes. Their immense weight makes them cumbersome on land, but they’re incredibly stealthy in the water, lying motionless until their prey comes into range. They have been known to eat whole jaguars. That would make an awesome YouTube video, but I looked for three hours and couldn’t find one. So, here’s a video of some anacondas and alligators. As with most snakes, female anacondas are bigger than the males. Eggs hatch inside the snake’s body, so they give birth to live babies. The mother, who goes without food for the seven-month gestation period, eats the babies that do not survive birth. Snakes have never been known for being sentimental.

Burmese python

FWC Python Action Team member Kevin Reich captured this 17-foot 9-inch Burmese python in Florida’s Big Cypress National Preserve. (Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission/)

Python’s were first seen in the Florida Everglades in the 1990s, and now nobody really knows how many of them there are. We do know that the majority of them are Burmese pythons, a favorite of pet owners. What happens when a pet snake escapes or gets too big to keep and the owner doesn’t have the heart to kill it? It finds its way to the Everglades and nearby swampy areas, where it joins a population that has nearly wiped out some species of mammals and reptiles. The longest such snake caught to date measured 18 feet, 8 inches. But the heaviest Florida python was a Burmese killed in 2012 that weighed 164-½ pounds and measured 17 feet, 7 inches. That snake had 87 eggs inside it. The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission (FWC) Python Action Team has now removed 900 Burmese pythons from the wild in Florida. But with high-end estimates of the python population in Florida at 300,000, that’s just a drop in the bucket.

Bushmaster

Bushmasters are the largest venomous snakes in the Americas. (John Sullivan/Alamy/)

One snake that’s easy to remember is the fer-de-lance or bushmaster, whose Latin name has been translated as “Silent Death.” It’s the largest venomous snake in the Americas, occasionally reaching 12 feet. Bushmasters are known for their coffin-shaped head, which is apt because it’s deadly. The bushmaster is often described as aggressive, excitable, and unpredictable when disturbed. Like most snakes, it prefers to flee from danger. But if bothered, it will suddenly reverse course and envenomate you with some very nasty chemicals. The bushmaster is a pit viper, which means it uses heat-sensing pits on each side of its head as infrared sensors. Basically, they see the world the way we do with the addition of the infrared spectrum—kind of like the Terminator. In the state of Lara, Venezuela, it is responsible for 78 percent of all fatal snakebites.

Titanoboa cerrjoensis

This life-size replica of <i>Titanboa</i> was on display at the Smithsonian National Museum of History in 2013. (Smithsonian/)

The biggest snake that ever existed—that we know of, anyway—was Titanoboa. (Get it?) The snake lived 60 million years ago, just 6 million years after Tyrannasaurus Rex departed the scene. Fossilized remains of a serpent 42 feet long—that’s as long as the largest school buses—and weighing an estimated 2,500 pounds were discovered in coal-mining pits in Colombia. Scientists believe that Titanoboa was the apex predator of its time and acted very much like a super-sized anaconda, spending most of its time in the water. It constricted its prey and consumed it whole. Its jaw structure and many teeth suggest that it was adept at catching fish, but it probably also fed on 12-foot crocodiles and turtles 5 feet in diameter. Some scientists point to the snake’s size as an indicator of a tropical climate warmer than has been previously thought. They reason that no cold-blooded animal that size would have had the resources to regulate its body temperature and survive in a climate absent mean temperatures in the 90s.

Eastern indigo

This black snake is the longest in North America. (Danita Delimont/Alamy/)

The longest snake in North America is the eastern indigo, which is a kind of black snake that lives in coastal Georgia, Florida, Alabama, and Mississippi, a region that is undergoing rapid condo-ization. The longest Eastern indigo on record measured 9.2 feet, but the species may not be around much longer. It is listed as federally threatened in Florida and Georgia. The Alabama Department of Conservation and Natural Resources lists the snake as possibly extirpated. When threatened, the indigo can flatten its necks to look bigger—like they’re not already big enough. One survival mechanism this snake does have up its, er, sleeve, however, is that it’s immune to the venom of the rattler, cottonmouth, and copperhead.

Eastern diamondback

The Eastern diamondback can weigh more than 30 pounds. (skeeze from Pixabay /)

For big, scary snakes, the Eastern diamondback rattler is one of your better contenders. It’s often considered the most dangerous venomous snake in North America. Guinness World Records doesn’t have a single listing for “heaviest poisonous snake” but ventures that the Eastern diamondback is “probably” the one. A specimen shot in 1946 measured 7 feet, 8 inches. Perhaps even more terrifying is that it weighed 34 pounds. That’s just way too much rattlesnake. Picture a musclebound fullback that shoots venom through its teeth and you’ve basically got a big diamondback. Also, it has a double-action venom, which, according to one source, contains “a thrombin-like enzyme crotalase, capable of clotting fibrinogen, leading to the secondary activation of plasminogen from endothelial cells.” I have no idea what that is, but I don’t like the sound of it one bit. The Eastern diamondback has the longest fangs of any rattlesnake, at up to an inch. And it can inject enough venom to kill three men.

Black mamba

The black mamba is often cited as the world’s deadliest snake. (Michael Kleinsasser from Pixabay /)

The black mamba is the longest venomous snake in Africa and the second longest in the world. The largest reported mamba was 14.6 feet, although they are more commonly about 8 to 10 feet long. The black mamba has several things going for it in the nastiness index. It hunts both on the ground and in trees, so there’s always the prospect of being struck in the eyeball. Its venom is a daiquiri of neurotoxins that induce painful symptoms within 10 minutes and can be fatal within 20. It’s a sprinter, capable of reaching speeds of 12 miles per hour. It’s a nervous snake and, when threatened, extremely aggressive. Because of these factors, it’s widely considered the world’s deadliest snake. Nevertheless, many citations insist that it’s a shy snake that wants to avoid you unless it feels threatened. Personally, I don’t trust this. If you don’t think it feels threatened but the snake decides it does anyway, guess whose opinion counts for more.

King cobra

The king cobra is the world’s longest venomous snake. (Karsten Paulick from Pixabay /)

Not to be confused with the malt liquor of the same name, the King Cobra is the world’s longest venomous snake, period, growing up to 18 feet. That’s three of me. When confronted, it can “stand up,” lifting a third of its length off the ground, and still propel itself forward to attack. Native to the forests of Southeast Asia, this thing makes you want to think twice before going for a hike. Like Mike Tyson, it is shy and retiring right up until it isn’t. It’s the only snake in the world that builds a nest for its eggs, which it guards “ferociously.” The good news, relatively speaking, is that king cobra venom is not particularly potent, as these things go. The bad is that they can deliver so much of it in a single bite—up to nearly half a fluid ounce—that there’s enough of it to kill 20 people. Or, as occasionally happens, an elephant. For some reason snake charmers like king cobras. But snake charming is a sad business when you know how it’s done. They use an exhausted animal which is conditioned— through pain—not to strike the charmer.

King brown

The king brown is actually a member of the black snake family. (Ken Griffiths/Alamy/)

One thing I’ve learned while researching this story is that you want to avoid any venomous snake with the word “king” in its name. Another Australian native, the king brown is actually a member of the black snake family. The longest on record was 11 feet, although most average 6 to 8. There are more venomous snakes in Australia, but the king brown makes up for this with a savage bite and a habit of chewing on its prey as it injects large quantities of venom. The venom breaks down blood cells, damages muscle tissue, and is mildly neurotoxic. On the whole, you don’t feel very well. Should antivenin be required, make sure to request black snake antivenin, which works much better than that for brown snakes. This is the only venomous snake here that is not listed as placid unless provoked. Which probably means it’s crazy and bad-tempered all the time.

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itsiotrecords-blog · 7 years ago

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Malaysia could be on your list of adventurous traveling destinations for so many reasons. They are known for their beaches and rainforests with a rich heritage culture, loads of activities, and sites to see. As for activities, they have big caves and old temples to visit, some of which are pretty whacky and scary. Malaysia also has lots of exotic foods to try. Malaysians believe that if you visit their country, you will instantly fall in love with it. According to the website Malaysia.travel, “To know Malaysia is to love Malaysia.” Their slogan “Malaysia, truly Asia” proves that in the country one can discover a convergence of different races—Indians, Malays, Chinese, and many other—that altogether live peacefully and harmoniously. With the diversity of cultures that thrive in Malaysia, it should come as no surprise that it is home to hundreds of colorful festivals. Because of this, Malaysians naturally love to socialize and celebrate. If you’ve never been to Malaysia before or even if you have already visited it, you might want to consider reading this list of 15 disturbing facts Malaysians don’t want you know about their country. The list includes some pretty weird things, including strange superstitions, icky eating habits (just a warning, worms are involved), and growing and building the largest things on Earth.

#1 They Have The Grossest Infestation Of Cockroaches Thriving in one of the caves of Malaysia, Gomantong Cave in Sabah, are cockroaches in abundance. In fact, the worst infestation in the world. They are all there fighting for food from bat droppings and thriving from the wet environment. Remind me never to visit this large cave in my life. What sounds worse than bat droppings from the ceiling and cockroaches swarming at your feet? It gets worse. Not only do they have the worst infestation of cockroaches in the world! They have a problem with large snakes too. Drum roll, please! King Cobras. Yes, you guessed it right. The largest venomous snake in the world is found in Malaysia. The longest King Cobra was found at Port Dickson in 1937. It was so huge that they captured it and took it to a zoo in London where it grew to 5. 71 meters.

#2 Practice Of Needles Under The Skin! Here is a practice that you do not want to try! Shamans practice cosmetic sorcery by poking gold, silver, or precious metals underneath their skin. This practice developed from the pre-Islamization era of Malaysia and Indonesia. This is meant to make the Shaman who partakes in this practice of poking himself with needles never die. This practice is also meant to prevent his spouse from cheating on him. It’s also believed to heal his ailments and infections in the body and bring everlasting youth and beauty. Very strong claims for a simple weird practice of poking yourself.

#3 Crazy Flying Records You might not have heard much about Malaysia and its accomplishments, but this one was quite the real deal. Dr. Shikh Muszaphar Shukor is an astronaut from Malaysia. He was practicing Ramadan when he was meant to fly to space. He didn’t let this deter him. In fact, he actually became the first Muslim astronaut to practice Ramadan while in space. Think that’s crazy? They also had the youngest pilot fly around the world by himself. Captain James Anthony Tan was only twenty-one years old when he chose to fly around the world all by himself in 2013. He flew a thirty-year-old Cessna 210 Eagle aircraft for twenty-two miles around twenty-one countries in fifty days! Talk about guts, I would be too scared to fly a plane full stop.

#4 Weird Superstitions Old beliefs do not die easily. For instance, Malaysians are still afraid of the number four. If you go to Malaysia, you will find that in lifts and on unit floors the number four doesn’t exist. They usually replace this with 3A. This apparently comes from the old superstition that the number four sounds similar in phonetics to the word death. On the other hand, they see the number eight with a lot of favor, mostly because the Cantonese pronunciation sounds like ‘batt’ sounds similar to ‘faat’ which refers to wealth and prosperity. So impressed are they with this number that you’ll often see men driving around with the number eight prominently on their number plates. They have many superstitions. Apparently, according to ancient belief, if a cat jumps over a coffin with a dead person inside before the coffin is buried, the man will come back to life! This doesn’t sound like a very hard feat to bring someone’s life back. I wonder why they don’t try to have more cats jump over coffins, like a regular ritual at burial services.

#5 They Grow Some Of The Biggest Things In The World Though not a very large country, Malaysia grows some of the most gigantic things in the world. Found naturally in Malaysia is the biggest flower in the whole world known as the Rafflesia. They also have the biggest undivided leaf, the Alocasia Macrorrhiza from Tawau, in Sabah. They have the largest cave chamber in existence, known as the Sarawak Chamber at Gunung Mulu National Park. The cave chamber covers an area of 1.66 million square feet! This was discovered in January 1981 by three British cavers during their Mulu eighty expedition. You certainly wouldn’t want to get lost in there. Apart from that, they also have the largest insect in the world—a stick bug. Named as Chan’s Megastick, the stick bug measures up to 56.6 centimeters. The bug was discovered in 1989 by a naturalist, Datuk Chan Chew Lun, in Sabah. After having read about all of these massive things, I’m sure you couldn’t decide whether to consider this cool or freaky. It makes one wonder why almost everything grows gigantic in Malaysia?

#6 They Have An Old Custom Involving Babies And Worms Malaysia is known as a place of rich heritage and culture. Some of their cultural traditions are a bit stranger than you would imagine. For instance, traditionally in Iban communities in Malaysia, babies and young children are referred to as ‘ulat’ until they are given a name of their own. The word ‘ulat’ actually means worm! Somehow, this is meant to be given in an affectionate way. The idea of having a generic nickname until an official name is decided on was actually common for many traditional cultures. The use of the nickname worm is rather odd, though. If it was a bit of a cooler nickname like ‘precious’ or ‘cool kid’, then I wouldn’t mind adopting a tradition like this. I think it’s much better than everybody referring to the baby as an ‘it’ for the first few days or weeks (some people take an awfully long time to decide on their baby’s name).

#7 They Make The Biggest Things Ever worried about getting lost on a long endless road? Well that fear might actually come true if you stay in Malaysia. They have made the longest highways in the world. In fact, the total length of their highways is 40,934 miles. That’s more than the circumference of the earth at 24,901 miles! The plan was to make it easier to get around, but making roads longer than the entire earth is just plain freaky. As if the 40,934-mile highway wasn’t enough, they also designed the biggest roundabout in existence, the Persiaran Sultan Salahuddin Abdul Aziz Shah in Putrajaya. It’s not just me that gets lost reading these really long names, is it? Its diameter is 2.7 miles (3.5 km). In 2015, they won a Guinness World Record for the largest hotel in the world known as Genting’s First World Hotel. It has three stars and has 7,351 rooms. This sounds like a place worth staying, doesn’t it?

#8 First To Try This Crazy New Medical Procedure You probably wouldn’t guess it but the first arm and hand transplant was actually performed in Malaysia on a little girl. Up until this moment, only hand transplants are done. This procedure took place with Dr. V. Pathmanathan in charge of the team. They operated on 18 May 2000 at Selayang Hospital on a baby girl only one month after she was born. Her name was Chong Lih Ying. Her new arm and hand was actually from her identical twin sister who died at birth from severe brain damage. Only five months later, she was already waving both of her hands and cuddling her teddies. The surgeon responsible believed that the surgery would be successful only because they had used the identical twin’s limb so this means they have similar cells and come from the same blood group. I guess there’s always a silver lining in the dark cloud.

#9 Boats Capsizing They have boats capsizing. According to a post from news.com.au in January 2017, “A boat ferrying 40 people from Indonesia has capsized off Malaysia’s coast, killing at least nine people and leaving nearly 30 were missing. . .The agency said a combination of overloading and bad weather and heavy seas were believed to have caused the accident.” Apparently, this incident was not the only occurrence of boats capsizing. A number of similar accidents have occurred along the waterways of Indonesia and Malaysia. More often than not, these accidents are caused by overloading of ferryboats carrying laborers who seek for work in Malaysian plantations and factories. According to a news article, in November 2016, “more than half of the 101 passengers aboard a boat died after it hit a reef and sank off the Indonesian island of Batam, south of Singapore. Four months earlier, a boat sank while en-route to Batam. Malaysian authorities recovered eight bodies and rescued 34 people.”

#10 They Don’t Take Jokes Lightly If you’re planning to go on a vacation in Malaysia and see all the terrific and great sites of the land, always bear in mind that their law system is rather very strict. And if you’re caught being very silly, you might just end up in jail. In October 2016, according to 9news, nine Australian men were put in prison for stripping down to colorful Speedo trunks in the design of the Malaysian flag. As if that wasn’t enough, they drank beer out of their shoes and sang in a public place during celebrations at the Grand Prix. While the crowd found them the pinnacle of amusement and joy, many cheering on and taking selfies with them, the authorities put them directly in prison. Authorities said that they would receive their sentence with a possibility of getting out easily by simply paying a fine. However, there’s still a greater possibility of being sentenced up to two years of prison “with intentional insult to breach the peace.”

#11 Malaysian Delicacy Will Make You Want To Vomit Okay so when I read this strange fact, I actually had to stop myself from gagging. In East Malaysia, they have a delicacy that you never want to try. Although they are said to have a creamy consistency and not taste half as bad as they sound, would you still want to go all the way to the country and eat these rather stout and “juicy” worms? Probably not! Mostly eaten as a treat in Sabah and Sarawak’s native tribes are the larvae of sago worms. Thankfully, this has mostly been phased out in modern menus around the country, though you can still find them stir-fried, roasted, or simply raw at weekly markets and at tourist attractions! Why tourist attractions? Leave it for the old tribes please. But yes, you can find them at tourist attractions like Monsopiad Cultural Village where they’re served to the tourists as part of their program. Maybe this is why they name their babies after worms. This is the absolute most appealing picture I could find. Just try Googling larvae sago worms and imagine eating them raw. Bon Appetit!

#12 They Have Fruit That Stinks The Durian fruit, a real charm in Malaysia. These were banned from traveling on the Singapore Mass Transit because of their intense odor even when still unopened. You either love the fruit or you hate it. And for most, it’s a hate relationship. Though in Malaysia, most people love this fruit and some even love the smell. When they are in season, they have durian fruit buffets that people flock to to eat as many durians as they want. A Malaysian source still suggested bringing mouthwash along. According to food writer Richard Sterling, “Its odor is best described as pig-sh*t, turpentine and onions, garnished with a gym sock. It can be smelled from yards away. Despite its great local popularity, the raw fruit is forbidden from some establishments such as hotels, subways and airports, including public transportation in Southeast Asia.” Anthony Bourdain calls it “indescribable, something you will either love or despise. … Your breath will smell as if you’d been French-kissing your dead grandmother.” Judging from what I’m hearing, I’d rather give this fruit a miss.

#13 Cat Museum In A City Named After Cats Open from 9am to 5pm every day, this is a cat lover’s dream coming true. Some visitors have complained online that it’s rather overpriced for a dingy rundown place with not so much to see. Though according to their website, they only charge for photos and filming (perhaps these charges are outrageous?). According to Sarawaktourism.com, “The World’s first Cat Museum, devoted to all things feline, is in Petra Jaya in the Kuching City North City Hall. Cat lovers will find a range of exhibits, photos, feline art and cat souvenirs; over 4,000 of them. The museum is housed on the ground on the City Hall Building, spread over four galleries covering a total area of 1,035 sq meter.” The cat is said to be a good luck charm, so I guess they decided to make a museum of 4000 things of good luck! Personally I would much rather visit a couple of cute little kittens at a pet shop or a cat café than go through 1,035 square meters of souvenirs and paintings of old cats.

#14 Venomous Snake Temple If you weren’t freaked out enough to hear that Malaysia had the largest snakes on record, then maybe the fact that they actually have a venomous snake temple for tourists to visit will make you a little…okay maybe not so little…uneasy. The Penanag Snake Temple is said to house venomous pit vipers and green tree snakes. Upon entering the temple, one can see a big incense burner filling the main prayer hall with smoke. The smoke emitted by these incense burners tranquilizes the serpents and makes them appear motionless or even asleep. Additionally, at the start of the temple, there are tanks that hold pythons and cobras. This is meant to be the best spot to get a photo. This temple is one of the most popular tourist attractions and there’s only a small fee to visit. Someone would have to pay me more than a large fee to get me to even consider visiting that temple.

#15 Mosquito Virus “Zika” According to an article from new.com.au in September 2016, Malaysia is on high alert for the Zika virus. Catching a virus from a mosquito is alarming as they are so small and unassuming. Sure they usually annoy you with their itchy bites, but how do you even avoid them when they’re flying around. If you’re traveling to Malaysia, make sure to bring a load of mosquito repellents. Actually, Malaysia put up a poster at Kuala Lumpur International Airport warning people and advising tourists to be extremely careful by being fully covered in clothing with long sleeves and pants. They’ve also advised tourists to avoid having unprotected sex when they return home for eight weeks. Zika virus is caused by mosquitoes and can leave you with an awful fever.

Source: TheRichest

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foundcarcosa · 8 years ago

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clxii.

On Saturdays, I like to… >> I don’t have anything specific that I prefer to do only on Saturdays.

Where would you like to be a missionary to? >> Anywhere that could benefit from someone who wants to do good, but not necessarily in the name of religion. I wouldn’t want the people I helped to assume that I only helped them with the intention of converting them to something. So... I guess I wouldn’t be a missionary, not technically.

What’s better — toilet paper rolled over top or underneath? >> I prefer over-the-top.

Which Scooby-Doo character are you most like (Scooby, Shaggy, Daphne, Fred, Velma, the monster, Scrappy?) >> I’m not sure. I haven’t seen Scooby-Doo in forever and I’ve forgotten a lot of the character traits.

If you had to endure one natural disaster (i.e. hurricane, tornado, etc), what would you pick and why? >> I see no sense in picking one over the others. Mostly I would prefer not to endure a natural disaster, but if one happens, I’d like to be prepared for it, or given enough time to evacuate.

What movie or TV show do you take guilty pleasure in watching? >> I prefer my pleasures to not be riddled with guilt.

If you had to describe your day as a traffic sign, what would it be? >> ... Slow?

What traditional stereotype would you classify yourself as? >> I prefer not to classify myself using stereotypes. I figure that’s for others to do if they so choose.

What “group” did you belong to in high school? >> I didn’t.

If you wrote a book about yourself…what would it be about? >> Just about my life. I think it’d be a fun read. Or an unsettling one. Probably both. If your house were burning down, what would you take and why? >> If the residents were taken care of, then probably Heimdall. It’s not like I couldn’t replace it and everything on it, it’s just the only possession I’d think twice about leaving behind. It my baby. <3 Although to be logical, I should probably say my Important Documents(TM). And my wallet. Replacing identification and documents is a bitch.

Describe your favorite pair of PJ’s. >> I don’t have a favourite, I like them all equally.

How many handbags do you own? >> Zero.

If this were your last day alive, what would you say to your friends? >> That’s not something that I can fathom well enough to give a good response to.

What is your very favorite part of your day? >> Well, that would depend on the day.

What is your best scar? Tell the story of how you got it. >> “Best”, meaning...?

You win a million dollars, but you have to give half to a charity. Which charity do you pick, and what do you do with the rest of the money? >> New Alternatives NYC. Or Covenant House. Or something similar. I don’t know what I’d do with the rest of the money. I can’t properly fathom $500,000 in the first place.

Describe your dream wedding where money is no option. >> Money is no option for any wedding I participate in, because it’s not going to be expensive in the first place. I think big weddings are unconscionably unnecessary and wasteful.

What kind of deodorant do you use? >> I use Degree right now, but I might switch brands. I don’t like the residue it leaves, seeing as I wear mostly black shirts.

If you were a spy what would your alias be? >> I don’t know. I don’t want to be a spy.

Do you have a birth mark? Where? Does it look like anything? >> No.

You are planning the most awesome dinner party of your life. Which 3 celebrities/historical figures (past or present) would you add to your guest list to keep the dinner talk interesting? >> Eh, I don’t really care for this, but I’ll humour the question -- three figures: Nikola Tesla, Giordano Bruno, Carl Sagan. All at one table. Should be fun to watch.

What is your favorite sport, and which team of that sport do you cheer for? >> Figure skating. I don’t have favourites anymore because I haven’t watched it in years.

Which would you rather have a kiss or a hug? Why? >> I have no preference.

If you could be a pair of jeans what style would you be? Why? >> I...

You have multiple personalities, describe some of them. >> I don’t have multiple personalities. Personality itself is malleable and subject to the caprice of the animating force behind it.

What is the best thing you have done in your life? >> I... don’t know how to rank that.

If you were blind for the rest of your life… what would you miss seeing the most? >> Everything. If I knew I would never see them again, I would of course miss even the most mundane of sights, and wish fervently that I hadn’t taken them for granted. Such is the mind.

What household chore do you hate the most? >> I don’t do bathrooms.

What is your most disappointing moment in life? >> I don’t know.

When have you laughed the hardest? Cried? >> Ever? How am I supposed to know?!

If you had a “theme song” that played whenever you walk into a room full of people, what would it be? >> The Pacific Rim theme song.

What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? >> That depends on the individual in question.

What time period from the past would you most have liked to live in and why? >> I’m content with the time period I live in.

What is the best reward anyone can give you? >> Appreciation, I suppose.

If you had a band what would you name it? >> Marchand’s Lament. (It’s a Hellraiser reference.)

Do you like fruit? Vegetables? >> I love fruit and vegetables.

What can someone do to encourage you? >> Be encouraging...? Any effort would go appreciated.

If you could be one for just 24 hours, what cereal box cartoon character would you be? Why? >> Nope.

What was the best thing that happened to you this weekend? >> I saw Moana!

What is your favorite animal? List three adjectives to explain your choice. >> Otters (cute, cute, and also cute), snakes (cute, cute, and also cute).

What is your favorite color? List three adjectives to explain your choice. >> I don’t have one.

It’s a very hot and muggy day. You desperately want something very cool and refreshing to quench your thirst and revitalize your body. What would you drink — either make your own or store-bought. >> Water. I can’t fathom why I would pick anything else...

You discover that the person you’re head-over-heels interested in loves a good homemade & handmade dessert. What will you concoct when you have this person over? >> Er. I... can’t make any desserts.

What would you leave in your will for the person you care about the most? >> ... Everything? Like, it’s not like I can take anything with me???

What do you consider to the most valuable thing you own: when you were a child/teenager/now? >> I didn’t have a concept of value as a child; I barely remember what I owned as a teenager; I don’t place much personal value on my belongings, but the most valuable thing I own in terms of monetary value is my laptop.

What’s the kindest act you have ever seen done? >> I’m not sure.

If you could have any job in the world, which one would you want? >> I don’t know.

What are your best/worst subjects in school and what subjects would you want to learn now? >> I don’t recall having a best subject. I was kind of average to poor in all of them by the time I hit high school.

What are you most talented at? >> Writing.

What is your worst nightmare today? >> I don’t have one that I can think of.

How often do you clean between your toes? >> When I shower.

What is your favorite way to waste time at work without getting caught? >> ---

If you could have had the starring role in one film already made, which movie would you pick? >> I am not an actor.

If you were to perform in the circus, what would you do? >> I wouldn’t? If you could eliminate one thing you do each day in the bathroom so that you never had to do it again, what would it be? >> Spending time in the bathroom at all. I’d love to never have to use one.

You were just given a yacht. What would you name it? >> I would name it “no thanks” and give it to someone who actually wants it.

If you could have been told one thing that you weren’t told when you were a teenager, what would you like to have heard? >> I’m not sure anything would have gotten through to me back then.

You’ve just been hired to a promotions position at Kellog Co. What would you put in a new breakfast cereal box as a gimmick? >> I don’t want to work at Kellogg.

Just like “Everybody Wang Chung tonight!”, what action would your name be if it were a verb? >> Repurposing a funny sound as an answer to random questions.

Name your favorite song. >> Death is the Road to Awe, Clint Mansell. If you were to get a tattoo, what would it say or what would the graphic be? >> The next tattoo I have planned is “scully, it’s me”.

If you could play any musical instrument, what would it be and why? If you already play an instrument(s), what do you play and why? >> Violin seems interesting. But see, the amount of dedication and practice one must devote to being proficient at an instrument just isn’t something I can imagine devoting.

When trick-or-treating as a kid, was there any kind of candy that you didn’t like to get? >> ---

Why do you live in the Washington DC area? >> I don’t.

What is your favorite memory of Christmases past? >> I don’t have enough past Christmases to have a favourite memory.

What is the most outrageous thing you’ve done for God? >> I haven’t done anything I’d consider outrageous.

If a movie was being made of your life and you could choose the actor/actress to play you, who would you choose and why? >> I don’t know. I can’t think of an actor that reminds me of me.

Paper or plastic? >> Depends on what for. What was the weirdest food you’ve ever eaten? >> I don’t know what makes a food “weird”, exactly.

What do you keep in the trunk of your car? >> ---

When you were in grade school, what did you want to be when you grew up? Why? >> A vet, an environmental crusader, a fashion designer... I don’t know why.

If you owned a CB radio what would your “handle” be? >> ---

If you were given 24 hrs to live, what would you do? >> I cannot fathom this.

If you were in the “Miss America” talent competition, what would your talent be? (Note: both guys & gals have to answer this question) >> I really wouldn’t ever want to be in a competition like this.

What do you think the most ultimate gift of the world is? >> ---

What is your earliest childhood memory? >> Sitting on the floor at the dog breeder’s house.

What was your favorite TV show when you were growing up? >> I didn’t have one.

If you had one extra hour of free time a day, how would you use it? >> I don’t need an extra hour, I have plenty of them now.

What CD is in your CD player right now? >> ---

The great theologian Andy Warhol stated that everyone gets 15 minutes of fame. What happened during your 15 minutes? >> Theologian... I don’t know what happens during mine. I have no interest in fame anyway.

Name the most famous person you’ve had a face to face encounter with. >> Julianne Moore.

Name your favorite children’s story. >> The Snow Queen, The Phantom Tollbooth, who knows.

If you could spend 15 minutes with any living person, who would it be and why? >> Er.

What person in the Bible do you most closely identify with? >> Elijah.

What article of clothing most closely describes your personality? >> Wizard robes!

If you were to write a book what would it be about? >> It’d be semi-autobiographical, most likely.

How many rings before you answer the phone? >> It’s hard to judge this when your phone doesn’t ring, but plays a short bit of a song instead...

What is the first thing you think of when you wake in the morning? >> It depends on the morning.

If you won a million dollars, what would you do with it? >> I don’t know. Give the majority of it away.

If you had to, what part of your body would you get pierced? >> My interest in piercings has largely passed.

Who was your favorite teacher and why? >> ---

What makes you feel the most secure? >> Meditating.

Who do you admire the most? >> I don’t think about it.

Have you ever had a reoccurring dream? What was it? >> Yes. I used to have dreams where I was driving very often.

What was your nickname growing up? >> I didn’t have one.

Who was your hero when you were a child, and what did you do to be like them? >> ---

Peanut or plain? >> What...?

What is your favorite cartoon character & why? >> I don’t have one.

How did you learn to ride a bicycle? >> My father taught me.

Based on something you’ve already done, how might you make it into the Guinness Book of World Records? >> Number of bubbles blown with bubble gum.

What’s the closest you’ve come to becoming a pop star/winning an Oscar? >> I’m sure there’s a video of me during karaoke at Arlene’s Grocery somewhere.

When was the last time you did something for the first time? What was it? >> I had crab legs for the first time on New Year’s.

What is your concept of a fruitful day? >> All of them.

What was your favorite thing to play with as a child? Why? >> I liked making paper dolls and clothing using catalogues, making up stories in my head, and playing with building sets. Why? Because that’s just what held my attention. It’s not complicated.

If you could be any animal in the world for 24 hours, which animal would you be? Why? >> I don’t know. I don’t know enough about being anything other than human to imagine being anything other than human.

Have you ever jumped out of a plane? >> No.

If you could rid the world of one thing, what would it be? >> I’m not interested.

What is your best personal characteristic? >> I don’t know.

What is your favorite quote? >> There are too many good quotes in the world for this.

If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do? >> What wouldn’t I do?!

What is your favorite weird food combination? >> I don’t think I have any.

If you had to be a flower, which one would you like to be and why? >> Being a flower seems like a strange thing to be.

If you were stranded on a desert island, what three books and three people would you take with you? >> The thing about being stranded is that you didn’t get a chance to pick what/who you wanted to be stranded with. Because if I did, I’m sure I’d choose to... not be stranded in the first place. :V

My biggest pet peeve is… >> Sounds. Little sounds that people make as they go about their day. And it annoys me that I am annoyed by these things, but I didn’t choose to be misophonic.

What is your favorite commercial? What commercial annoys you the most? >> There’s an Amazon Prime one that I love. I don’t see commercials often enough to be annoyed by them.

What’s the most interesting “Ice Breaker” Question you have ever been asked? >> ---

If you could be an ice cream flavor, what would it be? Why? >> I don’t know how to think of myself as an ice cream flavour.

Name a turning point in your life that makes you smile/cry. >> Most of them?

If there were a holiday in your honor what would it celebrate? >> Enjoying things for the sake of their (and your) existence!

What clubs were you a member of in High School? Are you still interested in any of the same things? >> All I remember is that every time I tried to join a club my father made me quit it because it wasn’t the kind of club he thought I should be in.

If you were to be on a reality TV show which one would you be on and why? >> I can’t imagine a reality TV show I would actually want to be on. Maybe an HGTV one or something.

If you could be anything in the world, what would you be and why? >> I already am all I want to be.

If someone rented a billboard for you, what would you put on it? >> Nope. Put that money somewhere useful.

If you had to enter a competition for the “Most Uselessly Unique Talent,” what would your talent be? >> o.0

If you were a Smurf, what would your name be? >> Autie Smurf. IDFK.

What is your worst personality characteristic? >> I don’t think of any of my characteristics in a purely negative light.

If you had to be a teacher of something, what would you teach? >> Writing. But not like... How To Write Good. I’d just help kids see it as fun, and reading, too. I’d be [almost] every English teacher’s nemesis.

How would you like to be remembered? >> Fondly. With laughter.

What is one thing that you constantly think about (other than material things)? >> God.

What do you like best about your hometown? >> I don’t consider any place my hometown.

Something interesting you might not know about me is… >> I co-facilitated a workshop at the Allied Media Conference in Detroit once. (That trip was also the first time I got to see Susannah in person. Eons ago, now~)

#surveysofsamedi

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