#neira rereads twilight

[totallynotreadingatwork]

Mini Book Reviews Again

The Cargo from Neira by Alys Clare, book 5 of the Gabriel Taverner series - Been a little while since I read one of this series because I was all caught up to publication, but I don't think that's going to matter now because it felt like this was the last book in the series. If so, it was a fitting sendoff, and a good mystery with a decent little happy ending for all involved. These books aren't sweeping epics or anything groundbreaking, but if you feel like you'd like 250-page historical mysteries then this is as good a place to start as any.

Inkheart by Cornelia Funke, book 1 of the Inkworld series (of which there's apparently going to be a new book of this year?!?!) - Read this literally over a decade ago and decided to reread it now and god I'm glad I did; for starters, this book captures the joy of reading and love of books so well it's unbelievable. Second; it's just a really good story. I know it's part of a trilogy but honestly you could read it as a standalone if you wanted. Funke is a brilliant storyteller, and even though it's a kids book it's perfect for adult fans of fantasy too.

The Owl Service by Alan Garner - I'm not going to lie, this one was a bit odd in terms of language and sentence structure, but once you get past all that... the story is even weirder. It's sort of exploring one of the stories of the Mabinogion about Lleu Llaw Gyfes and Blodeuwedd, and I just thought it was a really interesting take on it. You see all of these re-explorations of Greek and Roman myths going on at the moment, and for some reason I've never thought to look into similar things going on with Welsh stories, but honestly this one was brilliant, if a bit mad.

Into the Fog by Alexia Muelle-Rushbrook, book 3 of The Minority Rule trilogy - Plagued by a lot of the things I didn't like about the previous two books; supposedly childfree main character gets pregnant and loves it; "xyz system is wrong and immoral and can't work but oh thank goodness it worked for me". I'm not a fan. The ending was also a naff copout, I felt, because half the point of this book was that the government shouldn't get to control your life, and the protagonist kind of ended the series by saying agreeing with that, but only because the goal the government was trying to achieve by controlling everyone will end up being achieved anyway if they stop, implying that if that wasn't the case then controlling everyone would be the correct choice to make.

Unrest by Michelle Harrison - Another reread from when I was younger. It really freaked me out at the time, but didn't have quite the same impact as an adult, partly because I'm not as easily spooked now, and partly because I remembered what happened. Still, I'd recommend it to any young horror fans. I've enjoyed it even the second time around; Michelle Harrison is an excellent author.

Blue Bloods by Melissa De La Cruz, book 1 of the Blue Bloods series - Listen. Listen. This book is trash. It's kind of unbelievably rubbish. But I love it so damn much. It's from the Twilight era, this one being published in 2006, and it shows. It's hastily written, highly problematic, and seems to be a combination of Twilight and Fallen by Lauren Kate because the vampires in this book are actually angels. Like I said, it's trash and bonkers but I enjoy it because I'm trash and bonkers.

Ghost Knight by Cornelia Funke - I don't have much to say about this one really. My mum bought it for me off a charity book table for 50p so I read it even though it's definitely aimed at like... 7 year olds? It was okay. I prefer books with more substance but it was good for what it was and I have since passed it on to an actual seven year old.

Unwell Women by Elinor Cleghorn - A depressing read in all honesty; like you know the medical world is awful to women, but you never quite realise the extent of that, and it's crazy to see it all laid out there in black and white. I know it's not the world's most accurate account of the medical history of women, and some liberties have been taken to make it more dramatic in places, but I feel it should be appreciated for the spotlight it managed to help put on women's health.

The Spook's Revenge by Joseph Delaney, book 13 of the Spooks series - One hell of an ending to the series I'll tell you that. I do wish it had spent less time and effort setting up the next series however; I feel like sewing the seeds for a spinoff is fine, but if you do that too much in a final novel then it detracts from the main story and can make the ending feel a bit hollow because you know the victory won't last. Still, I enjoyed it, and I'm very glad to have come back to this series.

The Secret Chapter by Genevieve Cogman, book 6 of the Invisible Library series - So this one is a heist book. I really enjoyed it. One thing I enjoy about this series is how each book is still introducing new characters and having new adventures. There's obviously overarching plot and you shouldn't read them out of order, but you probably could if you didn't mind missing out on the background stuff. Really, Cogman's books are just a very fun time.

[sirnica]

Neira rereads twilight

the last part.

get your hot takes! hot takes right here

Beginning Previous part 

I was really blue today, so why not down my sadness in some trashy YA? 

I kinda like billy. He seems like a nice guy. Also billy/charlie as my new otp.

“The beautiful one,the godlike one.” Bella, you are such a teen. 

The less fucks she has about him being an all powerful ancient creature of the night who can murder her in a heartbeat, the funnier it is. She is just soo casual about it. Comedy gold, i tell ya. i mean, this is actually part of the narrative, edward commets on it, meyer knows what she wrote.

Ed,maybe is you stopped saying she smells good, you would be better at not thinking about her as food. Mind over matter. Just a thought. Maybe i misjudged his virgin ass. Maybe ed the incel actually fell in love with her. Or at least what he thinks is love since they've been dating for like two days (look who's talking?the girl who reads any sign of affection as a statement of love and then gets disappointed).

“Emmett could never be compared to a gazelle”. That's sexist steph. Emmett, honey, you are as gracious as you want to be. 

Also a big yaaaas on the whole concept of vampire baseball. we needed more of it. 

Plot! Plot! Plot! Plot! Plot!

We have encountered plot. Only 320 pages in. three bad vampires came into town.

Story time: when i was in high school, all like 20 of us in out class were really, really into twilight (dudes included). we quoted it all the time but the height of comedy happened when someone brought their friend from another school to out class and someone else was like "you brought a snack" and a meme was born to be quoted endlessly for months. it was actually kinda fun. and probably very annoying for anyone who wasn’t into twilight. 

Also, any development? Backstory? Motivations other than for the hell of it for out boi james and his ginger girlfriend? come on, it wouldn't even be that hard. Also, some foreshadowing? There was like one line before. This is a legitimate criticism. it’s kinda shitty writing and a wasted opportunity. 

Edward is being a dick again. I get he's scared but her dad could die. Or maybe they'll trun him into a vampire too (charlie/edward? Think about it). But they all call him out on it which is nice. Bella's plan isn't bad, but "let me go charlie" is the straight up coldest thing i have read in a long time. it’s supposed to be, this isn’t criticism, just stating the obvious. But she showed like an inclining of love for her dad who has been nothing but nice all this time. Yeeey, she’s not a robot. 

"It was the best idea. Of course it was mine" . Yaas, queen, you’re not that much of a doormat;  take that credit.

i would do something to foreshadow the ballet studio thing in the first half of the book. at least, have bella or Charlie looking at pictures from her recital, just to intricate it to the plot a bit more. 

Ok, now i remember why i was team jasper. He is so effing nice. And he would be awesome for my depression. Neira/Alice/jasper, i ship it. 

i'm kinda digging the explanations of how vampires work and the whole venom thing. They are still op af and need to be nerfed, but i wanna be one.

Of course, he used the mom. She's like the only person bella actually cares about. She falls for it. i would probably fall too, but i’m dumb. 

the fact that james hunted alice is a nice and a very much needed twist. it did catch me of guard. i would be more mad he’s a bad guy monologing, but i can only introduce stones to my own glass houses. 

Bella’s now more into the idea of being a vampire than into edward and i’m living for it. she’s going to use him for his venom and a baby and run off with rosalie. 

“and how many times did she fall our of a window?” (yes, that is a Sherlock reference in the year 2018 of our lord. maybe i should do that for my next project only froggy cares about. or should i wait a few more years) 

her mom is not worried enough, honestly. my mom would be freaking out. but my mom has anxiety issues, so idk... (i couldn’t get her smooth hairless legs, or her blue eyes but i got that gene. thanks, i guess) .

“And i have a couple of girlfriends” now that’s a novel i want to read but i guess i’ll have to write the lesbian twilight myself. 

“I want to be superman too”. yeeees, finally, kristen steward in the role of superman casting of the century. you would all watch it and love it, and you know it. 

Charlie doesn’t deserve this shit. when will he retire with his husband billy in their cabin where they can fish all day. 

“Do you want me to bolt the door so you can massacre the unsuspecting townsfolk?" Are we sure she hasn't been a vampire from day one?

Jacob is a sweetie (for now) just putting that out there.

Edward is kinda being unreasonable. being a vampire in your universe isn’t that bad. 

Aaaaw, and that's a wrap.

i actually kinda digged it. it’s nothing special, but i read these last 150 pages in one sitting. my main issues are writing oriented. very little foreshadowing, many filter words and things like that, but i guess if you aren’t that into writing, you might not even notice more of that. 

 it’s not the death of literature, it’s not the worst love story ever told. it’s just a silly and mostly harmless wish fulfillment novel. 

edward can be a controlling and condescending prick but he gets called out on it very often. it’s not like meyer is completely oblivious to what she’s writing. and even tho he’s 100, i guess they are all mostly stuck mentally at the age when they were turned. or at least that’s how it seems to me. bella is kind of a bitch to everyone who’s not a vampire and she’s never called out on it, there’s a glimpse of change in the epilogue, but i don’t think meyer really considered it a character flaw. which is a shame, as it could have made for an interesting character. all the vampires have stories i would rather read about, as i said before, but what can ya do? that’s what’s fanfics are for. 

i may write more of cohesive thought on it when it settles in my brain, but first, i need to watch the movie. i have a hypothesis i need to test. 

but i don’t regret doing this. it was kinda fun and now i’m no longer ashamed of my twihard phrase. i could have done worse, as far as teen phases go. 

Someone should like write a fanfic, but edwars is not a vampire, but a rich guy. And he's into some hard core spanky business. And they should take all the problematic elements and just crank them up to 11. And add a looot of sex. I bet they could make millions.

now, to the movie. 

[sirnica]

Neira rereads Twilight

200-300

Beginning Previous part Next part

I didn’t forget about this project, i had my own paranormal romance novel to finish and to sulk it off for a week. 

now, back to work:

Not gonna lie, the whole part where he goes around asking her questions he is legitimately interested in knowing the answers to is at the same time my kinkiest fantasy and my deepest fear. like, yaaas, daddy, get to know me on the personal level and don’t be turn off by the fact i’m a tabula rasa. 

We got to the infamous meadow scene and bella is sooo horny on main for that vampire stake it's actually kinda funny. She gets so effing into it she faints. I fucking love this girl. Go get that adonis dick, bella, you deserve it.

I don't mind vampires sparkle.i mean,it's lame and fanfic-y but in bosnia we have the lampires so vampires are creatures with a high dose of plasticity. i don’t know why that was like the worst thing anyone has ever done to the vampires. They are kinda too strong and could use a real weakness tho.  

So the lion fell in love with the lamb is kind of another joke. Also, this is the skin of a killer is sadly just in the movie.

I do have the feeling he likes the project that he sees in bella more than the real girl,but ok. Also stop nagging her. He watches her sleep. What a creep. I don’t know why, but the fact that he’s a vampire who doesn’t have to sleep makes it kinda less creepy for me. I don’t know why. 

 But "if i could dream at all i would be about you," is the kind of ultracheese i can get behind. they are both such teenagers and i kinda looooove it. 

Also non of the boys were her type is such a lesbian excuse. I feel ya bella, i feel ya. I hope you discover your gayness after the end of breaking dawn.

We meet the cullens and every single one of them has a backstory like 528 times more interesting than edward. i need novels about them, all of them ffs. it would be so cool. but, one of my favorite oc’s Errien Lark gets like 30 lines in the whole book so i can only be as harsh on Meyer as on myself (which is to say a lot. neither of us deserve these characters, honestly)

This book would have been more interesting if Bella fell in love in any other cullen. Like, Bella and Alice, Bella and jasper (Bella and Jasper and Alice. Sorry, i'm into solving love triangles with ot3s).Bella and Rosalie, Calilise, Esme, even Emmett, who i remember  as mike of the vampires, but it’s been a decade. 

300 pages in and plot is yet to happen, but it’s ok. we have the vampire baseball next. 

[sirnica]

Neira re-reads twilight

First 50 pages

Next part 

I'm actually kinda into it. Yeah, there are a many issues every article on editing tells you to fix (filter words, -ing verbs and things like that), but i feel it. I don't know what it is, but it’s there.

Bella isn't that bad of a protagonist. Nothing too spectacular, but she's fine. She is depressed, self sacrificing and hides her feelings, but also a lot more self aware than i though she would be(like when she notices mike, my son, likes her). She’s a typical teenage girl, the introverted type, way into reading. there’s nothing wrong with that.

I don't know why i remember edward being a draco in leather pants,but he’s also fine for now. mysterious and handsome and a bit weird. The first real conversation they have, he's polite and nice and charming. I expected him to be a dick for like 150 pages at least.

all in all, i don’t regret this experiment at all. Maybe my standards are low because i’ve been working  on my own crappy novel or maybe because i have no taste and like bad YA, but I’m looking forward to reading more of it. 

here you go  @froggyphevoli i shall keep you updated. 

[sirnica]

neira rewatches twilight

neira rereads twilight 

we are doing this. i have my grapes, i have my stuff elephant named Gaylord who always watches things with me and i have rose colored nostalgia googles on. it should be fun. 

first of all: the soundtrack, from the first song to the last fucking rocks. they didn’t need to go this hard, but i’m glad they did.

i just realized she digs the damn kaktus out of the ground herself. we stan one lesbian botanist in this house. (and also her confused dad and his boyfriend billy)

kirsten stewart was kinda the perfect casting for bella swan. fight me on this. she has that deadpan down to a science. 

the truck reminds me of my bike josip sooo much. that orange color is the official lesbian vehicle color as decided by me. 

bella in gym gave me flashback to high school, like it was ‘nam or something. 

aren’t people from Arizona supposed to be like really tan?  Oh My God, Jessica, You Can't Just Ask Someone Why They're White. 

her first day is sooo much more realistic in the movie. 

also alice is really cute, but Rosalie is soooo goddamn gorgeous, like, daaaamn. marry me, please, 

what’s this? foreshadowing? in my twilight? oh no no, that’s not how's supposed to go. 

edward is actually really pretty. look wise, a solid choice. the love story between a twink and a lesbian is about to begin. 

that disgusted face of his is the worse and i haaaaate it. 

mike is a sweetie and i love him dearly. and i love the biology teacher. he has like 5 lines and he needs more. 

"Yeah, I had an adrenaline rush, it's very common, you can google it" i forgot about this absolute golden line and his face is priceless. this was also a meme back in school. 

the apple catch, the apple catch. it’s sooo cheesy and dumb and i live for it. i hope something this cheesy happens in the adaption of one of my novels. 

the hero line is said too seriously. smile, ed, smile damn it. 

the cheesy 1920′s flashback is golden. 

“it makes my boobs look good.” by Jessica is my new favorite line. 

I’m the founder, the leader, but probably not the only member of Charlie Swan defense force task team. he doesn’t deserve this. 

when you and your squad kill a vampire, do you  Crack Open A Cold One with the Boys? 

the whole reveal in the forrest scene is the kind of cheesy shlock i’m absolutely here for! yees give me all the cheesy line, all the memes. i missed them sooo  much. all the lines. that scene needs to be in MoM. 

they even have less development here than in the novel before the love statements start bursting out. 

also, the skin simmer isn’t that noticeable. they can just say they went a bit too hard on the highlights. 

the special effects are... on the not the best side. 

robert pattinson, while he looks the part, seems like the weakest actor. i don’t know, i can’t explain it, but i’ll just use the word from screen junkies “shovel-face”. i don’t know what it means, but somehow it fist. but that look with the sunglasses is all i want in my life, so let me raid his closet. 

rose breaking the salad bowl is absolute mood sometimes, don’t you think?

no bed? his family is down stairs bella, don’t be so horny right away. 

meyer had a cameo i forgot about that. if i’m not a random scientist in the CENTRE when they adapt A better world  we riot. (if any of my friends ever finish reading it. their loss, anyway. my book is awesome. i think.) 

how can someone read/watch twilight and then write a fanfic where edward is the horny one into kinky sex? bella’s all about that stake. 

i will never, ever hear super massive black hole by muse and not thing of the most iconic scene in twilight. another one for the moma. 

Victoria's kiss me i’m Irish shirt is such an unnecessary but also absolutely vital detail i adore. 

another tear for my man Charlie. when bella bailed, i felt that.  in my soul.  

the climax was kinda... too short. idk, i like the location, i like the cinematography but they could have  stretched it out a bit more. 

3 people so far have concatenated me to comment on my instagram story where i announced this project. let me watch my trashy movies in peace.

ok, final thoughts: they made some great changes. the foreshadowing of the 3 vampires, the attacks that were more personal, the less bitchiness from the fellow students (even if it makes bella seem much more bitchy herself), som very beautiful shots and landscape porn. but why is the movie so effing blue? i don’t know, that blue-ness makes it seem like it takes itself more seriously than the book. some of the jokey jokes are dead serious in here and that doesn’t help. still my original hypothesis i approached this project with was that the movie made the book seem worse or less self aware. while a bit of that is probably true, it’s not as much as i would think. 

still i had fun tonight. 

maybe i’ll watch the new moon soon, but i already kinda hate Edward, i would probably burn him after that one. 

[sirnica]

Neira rereads Twilight

150-200

Beginning Previous part Next part

I kinda love how ok she’s with the whole vampire thing. she’s just “well, this kid i barely know told me a scary story, so i guess the guy from school is a vampire. it be like that sometimes.” my first assumption would be it’s all an elaborate prank to make fun of me (i have some deep seeded trust issues origins of which remain unknown). and he’s waaay to quick to confirm her suspicions. I think there’s an explanation in the part of midnight sun that got leaked, but that was like a century ago. 

I would criticize her for being ride or die with Edward so fast, falling in love with him so quickly, but i exchanged like 5 sentences with a cute girl last night and a part of is ready to propose based on the artiness of her instagam, so who the eff am i to judge? 

and i get why he’s fascinated with her. she’s the only one he can’t read. 

why? i don’t think that question ever gets a good enough answer, but it’s a fictional story about a girl falling in love with a sparky vampire. i’m not here for complex science or detailed explanations. 

he seems waaay too protective of her. She’s a big girl, Ed, she can take care of herself. It’s actually kinda annoying. i dislike how he treats like a child a lot of the time. he seems pretty condescending. also, if he broke her car, i’m taking back everything nice i said about him.

ok, let me finally address bella’s biggest character flaw, her clumsiness. i mean, i get why she has it but Meyer goes a bit too hard on it. i’m clumsy, i really am, full of bruises, always bumping into things, but Bella can’t walk 20 meters without tripping. i guess i’m just glad she becomes a vampire in the book four, otherwise the book five would have been about her struggles when she’s diagnosed with a stage four inoperable brain tumor that’s been mesing with her sense of balance and the whole things turns into a weird version of the fault in our starts. 

if i were writing it i would focus on her trust issues and being unable to form real bonds with other people as her main flaw, maybe even use it to try and justify the whole thing with the mind Edward can't read. Like, she's too different in a way that makes her unable to connect even on a basic level, like that one Blue whale that sings at a different frequency than all the others. Idk,i write pulpy sci fi. but it’s easy to be a general after the battle. 

we got to the two infamous lines:

how are you? 17. how long have you been 17?  is another line that’s more jokey than i though it would be, but also the most realistic piece of dialogue in this book. i would so ask the same thing.

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, this paragraph has been memed to death. Second, there was a part of me-and I didn't know how potent that part might be-that would know every word of it till the day i died. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in like with it. 

[sirnica]

Neira rereads Twilight

Part 3

Beginning Previous part Next part 

Pages 100-150

Is Stephenie Meyer into anime? Cuz she wrote a harem light novel,that's what she did and that's how i'll read it from now on and have more fun doing it. (Might make a post elaborating on this further).

All this to say that we got to Jacob. Not gonna lie, I kinda forgot about him.  He seems like a nice kid and i'm glad bella has some positive interaction. Team jacob 4 life (jk,man,i was team jasper in high school which is in retrospect very weird of me). I know he becomes a friend-zoned dudebro later, but for now, he’s fine. 

Meyer, lady, you're winning me over as a half hearted defender of your work, but why are the girls so bitchy? Yeah,i know, bitchy girls exist in real life, especially in high schools,but girls are our friends and we need more positive female on female interactions. Just my personal preference, I guess. 

Things are getting interesting. Bella’s dreaming weird dreams (just fyi, not a big fan of dream scenes in general), she’s googling like crazy  and we’re going to Port Angeles. 

I never felt she has any sort of affection for Angela or Jessica who seem really nice and have done nothing wrong. Like loosen up Bella, give them a chance. I know, depression makes you into a bitch sometimes, but it would warm me up to her character if she was a little more affectionate with people around her. 

That whole scene where she almost gets at best beaten up and mugged and at worst raped and killed is... not my favorite part of the whole thing. I get what Meyer needed to do, to have her be saved by Edward, but there must have been a better way to go about it. What do I know? I’m the queen of forced plot contrivances. I do like their conversation at the restaurant (again, why do we hate the female waitress, Steph?). I don’t know why, I expected Edward to be mad at Bella for what happened to her and he seems genuinely concerned and his anger feels... human. Some of his actions, however, do not. 

He stalked her which is weird and creepy and I hate it. Don’t stalk people, Edward. most of us don’t like it. you’re lucky Bella’s a weirdo.

Will update you on my progress soon enough.