#need to stop drawing musicals and get to finished works. lowkey i think that would fix me

[averlym]

"yeah i'm good"

[sempsimps]

Gregory violet song scenarios

so this is a bunch of random scenarios and head canons i have of this emo boy and i even made a playlist for it becuse im so prepared for this also i do edit the lyrics a tad to fit the time its set in and vibe of the shorts so like if that bothers you sorry i guess (also i wanted to experiment with the tumbler coloured text i think it looks so cool) but this is mostly x reader so sorry if that's not what you want im just brain rotting at this point i cant do this lmao also i would like to say i unfortunately dont have the manga so i actually dont know whats going to happen sorry

starting with the honourable runner ups i think these songs fit but i couldn't think of what to write for them

Necromancing dancing - bear ghost (pun intended) "when im necromancing, everyone's dancing, no one can stop me i dare you to try! the dead are infused with sentential grove"

i don't wanna fall in love - she wants revenge

ramblings of a lunatic - bears in trees "would anybody listen to this the ramblings of a lunatic"

everything is temporary - cavetown "sticks and stones they say that we dont have bones inside our brains"

mamas boy - Dominic fike "m-a-m-a-b-o-y mamas boy mamas boy"

im not a cynic - Alec Benjamin "i swear im not a cynic im just being realistic"

cats - the living tombstone "meow meow meow meow memeow"

they/them - atlas, jhfly

house of wolves - my chemical romance

plucked - destroy boys "take a bird from the sky and you wonder why she wants to fly"

nobody - mitski

underachiever - NOAHFINNCE "nothing beats the life of an underachiever"

the adults are talking - the strocks "dont go there you never return and i know you think of me when you think of her"

(lowkey heathers the musical JD looking ass)

WARNING ANGST IS HERE

your stupid face - Kaden macay (oh no + verse 2)

Gregory in third person pov - the realisation he liked you

he was zoning out at the swan gazebo and drawing some sketches with his charcoal pencil. The first bit of the facial anatomy was done, and he used French bread to remove the lines. to make the face he slowly did the eyes and made them defined and full of life, the nose features, and soon enough he had nearly finished carefully doing each strand of hair falling perfectly around the face he wasn't even thinking about who it was but when he stopped to finally look at it realised who it was. 'Oh no,' looking at it more, he tilts his head back, closing his eyes shut to not let the sun make him dizzy. 'noooo' now he was roughly pressing the charcoal to the paper. 'i just really like you face' drawing the smile you always wore around him. 'Ugh, you don't have to look so happy..' he kept drawing, now to try and get it just right. remembering all the times you expressed it. 'im not really into the love that you flaunt in some bright font' smirking to himself 'but if that's what you want ill make it snappy.- wait what' he looked around noticing no one was looking at him he sighed 'i just feel so out of place' he finished your face. 'but not when you near me' moving on to the shoulders. 'when your gone, I'm like a plant with no root' he made quick work of the shape and made the clothes 'or a ball that's on mute' he smiled looking at his work 'don't you dare call me cute, you should fear me' a hand on Gregory's shoulder makes him jump, it was bluewer telling him he needs to sort out a purple house conflict, and to bring cheslock to sort out a fight. sighing and carefully putting his sketch away, a small smile on his soft features. 'Now i like your stupid face'.

soundproof - destroy boys (verse 1 before chorus)

panic attack from social anxiety (if uncomfortable then skip it) - he got amongst the dancing and hated it

it was after the big cricket game that he had to be there for appearances, empty streets are just as soundproof as studios and big crowds. and there were people dancing already. It was making him dizzy, just looking. 'keep me away from here' but when he somehow ends up in the middle of the hall he starts to panic 'how'd i appear on this stage' he was amongst all the dancers getting in the way of some getting bumped into. 'im taking up too much space.' his head was spinning from all the movement, and he felt eyes on him. 'Look away, please don't look this way.' Feeling a hand on his arm leading him out of the hall, too dizzy and unfocused to see they walked outdoors, the fresh air bringing him back down to earth. not sure who it was, but he thanked whoever it was as he started to calm down, taking deep breaths. 'i don't ever want to hear myself ever again'

disco! in the panic room - bug hunter (chorus 2)

in your pov third person - dancing again i dont know im losing the plot as i write. sorry to the amab readers this one this feminine

i was in disguise at the school, as ceils older brother, as I saw him as one. and missed being in a dress. so after the cricket game was announced, and shown it was underway, i went behind the door to get into a dress. i was hiding one underneath my cloak, i let the dress fall from the purple robe it set nicely, and i just simply wrapped the fabric around my waist, like a bow. and headed out to find Gregory, he was still upset about the fire, and wanted to leave as fast as he could. and i understood, but i wanted to dance with him just a little. He was just out of view of everyone trying to leave, and i pulled him into a room with a bright smile. "hiya, would you like to dance in the panic room violet?" He simply smiled. "I made a promise so sure." he held my hands, and i started to slowly waltzes in a random backroom. away from the crowed and prying eyes and i could see that every few movement he was getting more and more pale, as we turned slightly in the dance "Now I feel nauseous, As if I drank a cup of stuff you clean your countertops with" i giggle a little as we stop. he lets go of my hands, to hold his head, he feels dizzy but i come prepared knowing about this, with some water in a canteen. "you probably did But Lysol won't solve this, so have some water." i handed his the medium sized flask, to which he hesitantly took a sip with shaky hands. "im out of options, arnt i?" he softly smiled after a few moments, and i was satisfied to get a little dance. making sure he was okay. but i felt bad. "you can head back now i understand this was a lot, sorry" he sighed "oh its okay and thank you, It's past my bedtime and I'm honestly exhausted" i smile as he hands back my water flask. "But if you want me, I'll be here." Gregory and i walked out of the room and said out good nights before he went wherever, and i returned to the ballroom to see Elizabeth and everyone.

fire on fire - sam smith (chorus 1 like half of it)

Gregory pov - looking at you from outside the purple house fire (and i realise that the song is more about love but i want the angst so deal with it)

i stood there, my eyes filled in fear, as the boarding house burned. i couldn't move, I don't say a word stuck in place, you grab my hand i should be used to it, But still, you take my breath and steal the things I know. just like the fire that i couldn't look away from, a soft hand leading my face away to look at you. There you go, saving me from out of the cold, but i couldn't do anything. but blankly stare at you. tired and scared features, eyes slowly morphing to cry. Fire on fire would normally kill us, and this was on the inside. i was breaking down as i saw how distraught everyone was. I couldn't keep it in much longer. but then the other prefects showed up, and i didn't have time for it, so i pulled my hood up to hold it in, letting go of your hand to do something.

Love me not - eimi (verse 3?)

the part that's always on TikTok but it is a good song- anyway this is at the dating stage and you try to get help from your friends idfk

Sitting on the grass, in front of the bench in the middle of a courtyard, talking with Ciel, soma, and your best friend, the latter two interested in how the relationship was going with Gregory. so far all you could describe it as was confusing, when they asked how. you stood up and started pacing in front of them finger to your chin like how a detective dose it but moving to act out and get you point across better. "Does he really love me? Does he think I'm too much." My pacing stops as i shook my head and returned to walk around. "Am I hanging by a string? Am I pushing my luck?" I looked at the two with confusion, hands out, doing some gesture. they were still intrigued, and i just wanted an answer. "He says I'm his beloved. He says I'm enough. but every time I kick and scream, he tells me to shush!" waving your arms up and down in frustration, and at this, the friends pay more attention. shock on soma's face, making an o shape. "He told you to what!" My best friend joining in, equally surprised. "he told you to, huh!" Ciel bored of our shit huffed out a sigh before speaking. "I think you shouldn't really worry. and you're blowing this up," and I hastily replied, almost yelling. "But I'm falling in love! Does he wanna break up!?" I gripped the hood of my purple house uniform, pulling it over my face, which was red in embarrassment, and I felt some paper in there. taking it off my head a small envelope fell out of my hood, it had a clear purple wax seal with the house cress. 'That wasn't there before'

absence - Rio Romeo chorus + verse 3

Gregory in third person this is angsty, and sad. description of dying

he was thinking about what was going to happen all the experiments, but he unwillingly took part in. he couldn't shake it a feeling of impending doom. he knew the things he did, and that didn't warrant him to be sorry for himself, but he couldn't eat or sleep, even drinking something seemed impossible. then his thoughts came back to his friends. He couldn't stop thinking about how they would react, to him dying. 'If i just vanished, do you think you'd manage' laying in his bed contemplating how you would miss him. 'Or would you disappear right besides me?' A tear came into his eye. As he continued to think of you, how would you react to what he's done, more and more tears came out, little by little. 'Do you think you're ready? When i went unsteady,' his tears ran down his checks, smearing the eyeliner. 'lover, please prepare for my absence.' he stifled his cries with the ball of his palm, keeping it in. lipstick smearing on his hand as he bit down harder, more tears rolling down, landing on his pillows staining them. 'absence makes the heart grow stronger', wiping away his tears with the back of his hand. 'pray my baby will not squander everything to gain by my leaving' taking his hands away from his face, to look at them they shook, as he starred at them blurry vision from crying, the bite mark on his right one blending red. 'and if i return the favour.' thinking to all the sweet parts you shared together. 'pray my baby always saviour, every moment we were both present' sitting up to hunch over head in his hands quietly sobbing, the walls were thick and he knew it but it hurt to cry louder.

oh boy that took some effort i was going to so many more but i just cant but i do kinda love what i did i think it matches his character well I hope it matches at least and again here is a link to my playlist i hope it works if not i have the same name on Spotify but non the less i hope my writing doesn't suck :) (feeling like the Q.A from welcome home "I want it out open open open" lmao MAYBE IM A LITTLE DELULU RN WHO KNOWS) ALSO ive never written angst before so i hope that was good idfk

https://spotify.link/tg5qbp9ZgJb

[danwhobrowses]

AEW Double or Nothing 2022 - Quick Thoughts and Review

So here we are again, half-spoiled and controversies aside, we are here again.

I told myself I wouldn't do one of these because it never gets much attention, but I like talking about it. I'm gonna make it shorter but here's my thoughts on AEW's latest 13-match PPV.

Spoilers for the PPV, watch first then come back

So firstly, the Buy-In was a tad disappointing in that it only had 1 match. Rampage can fit 3 matches so you can always have more.

Hookhausen = Good fun, Sterling and Nese did do their roles well but there was only one winner. Still though, that was 10 minutes of 1 hour.

MJF and Wardlow was first. I feel weird about it still, it's good he showed but what was the whole no-show about? Reports say he was in and then out, which fits his expression and the perfectly valid crowd reaction. Ironically, I'd bet without this stuff it wouldn't have been a pseudo-squash. There was at least catharsis, so maybe Max was working us (but he could also be playing Pillman, and if he is then AEW should just let him go, he isn't irreplaceable), I doubt we'll find out. In hindsight though, good call to make it the opener, get the awkwardness out of the way.

Liked Caprice Coleman's energy in the Elite vs Delete. I liked the match but I felt like it only got out of second gear. Definitely could've gotten more out of them

Jade with the pink and green hair was neat, the match was scrappy bit exceeded expectations, Stoke being Jade's new representation is interesting, and Athena showing up was a great addition for the roster (Jade could not hide her joy). But lowkey I was hoping Statlander would stare down Jade rather than Red Velvet, maybe she'll be after Athena.

It was cute to have a kid entering and PAC with a mask too, but the HoB's ghost paint was rightfully creepy. This Trios match was the energy injection the PPV needed though, I was hoping this'd segue into a Trios title announcement but the Julia turn finally paid off - still sad we didn't go with Abadon though she had the perfect look for it.

In case you didn't know; Adam Cole is really good at the selling, and Samoa Joe is good at the strikes, and both men are good at the graps. It was odd that this was before Darby/KOR, since his intent was to stop them from interfering, and it turned to be a downfall since Bobby Pescado assisted in the abrupt W.

Positioning was key for the Women's final though. The musical performances were good, the match built up as it went along, but I feel like this was the wrong call. Ruby has now lost 3 big matches now, TK must've known this'd draw heat too. It just instigates zero change; Kris lost to Ruby again, Ruby lost to Britt again, so all their progress they've made feels for naught because they're still in the same place they were, even though Baker's not champion and had no interference this time.

How can you doubt that Sammy and Tay aren't knowing heels when they did the Cody entrance with Tay dressed as Maleficent? Muddled storyline aside there was no doubts that 5/6 of these wrestlers could work a good match, the 6th PVZ may need to work on her theatrics but her technique was solid. As expected it was Frankie and Sammy's rift that led to their downfall, and it is finally over. No Miro, but maybe soon, if not give the TNT title to Cinnabon man (Takeshita)

Darby/KOR should've been the Buy In, it was well worked and physical, but it felt a like filler (especially since the matches Darby threatened to get involved in already happened).

The Women's title match went OFF, wonderful technical wrestling, there was no doubt Deeb and Rosa could pull off a good match

'Shit's about to hit the fan' was apt. Chaos personified with so many cuts, props to Menard for blading to a fork super early. Gnarly fucking spots too, car crash wrestling at its finest. Finish I think was mixed, I knew Danielson and Kingston would implode them, but I felt like Kingston should've been the one taking the fall.

El Toro Blanco!? Just make Los Ingobernables already

Dante vs Sky? Okay fair

I think I could've had an hour of that triple threat tag and not been disappointed; it got speed, it got beef, it's got everything you gonna need. Surprised the champs retained though.

We ended with a good match, but I still think they picked the wrong winner, especially since neither turned heel

Match Results (Italics for who I predicted to win) Hookhausen def Tony Nese & 'Smart' Mark Sterling (Pinfall by Danhausen on Sterling) Wardlow def. MJF (Pinfall via Powerbomb Symphony) The Hardys def The Young Bucks (Pinfall by Jeff on Matt via Swanton Bomb) Jade Cargill (c) def Anna Jay (Pinfall via Avalanche Jaded) House of Black def Death Triangle (Pinfall by Black on PAC via Sin Eater) Adam Cole def Samoa Joe (Pinfall via Boom) Dr. Britt Baker DMD def Ruby Soho (Pinfall by reversed Victory Roll) American Top Team def Sammy Guevara, Tay Conti & Frankie Kazarian (Pinfall by Sky on Kazarian via TKO) Kyle O'Reilly def Darby Allin (Pinfall via Flying Knee Drop) Thunder Rosa (c) def Serena Deeb (Pinfall via Fire Thunder Driver) JAS def BCC, Eddie Kingston, Santana & Ortiz (Ref stoppage) Jurassic Express (c) def. Team Taz & Swerve in their Glory (Pinfall on Swerve by Jungle Boy via Thoracic Express) CM Punk def 'Hangman' Adam Page (c)

Like man was I wrong with my predictions XD I was like a stack of dominoes really, the moment one went wrong it unraveled the others. I thought they'd loophole Wardlow into ROH by having Max win, have the Undisputed Elite stay strong by having the Bucks win alongside Cole, give Death Triangle and Ruby a much-needed and much-owed high-profile W. I also expected the Christian heel turn a year since JB eliminated him in the Casino Royale. I also felt that Hangman would overcome the inner evil and Punk stooping to where he wouldn't. But alas, me and TK were not on that wavelength.

I liked this PPV, but I can't say I loved it, I think a lot comes down to me not agreeing with a fair amount of the victors. The MJF stuff and 3 consecutive interferences (Fish, Julia and Stoke) hurt it too, but also the card positioning and pacing, it did feel like everyone was in a hurry. That being said, it was still a solid showing worth people's money.

[writingandmore]

Hi!!! May I get a HP, Star Wars, Voltron, and Disney matchup?

𝗕𝗔𝗦𝗜𝗖𝗦 + 𝗔𝗣𝗣𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘

19, Libra, Neutral Good, enneagram is 4w5, muggleborn Ravenclaw (with Gryffindor tendencies), and my patronus spirit is Hummingbird. Biromantic Pansexual Genderfluid woman using pronouns of She/Her or He/Him. Cherubic-like face, with short height (5'1") plus sized Southeast Asian woman with Spanish descent that has chic messy/wavy brunette medium hair that reaches to my shoulder, oriental skin, slightly upturned eyes, small lashes, chocolate brown irises, cute flat nose, heart shaped face, full cheeks, cupid's bow lips, a small beauty mark on the forehead, and naturally straight teeth with tiny gap in front (just imagine that it's a mixture of Marinette from 𝗠𝗶𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗟𝗮𝗱𝘆𝗯𝘂𝗴, Musa from 𝗪𝗶𝗻𝘅 𝗖𝗹𝘂𝗯, and Alexandra Trese from 𝗧𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲---cause' my friend told me that I kinda look like them). My sense of fashion is in between emo and boyish plus korean glam, I sometimes let my hair down or styled like Lara Croft reboot.

𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬

Distant, quiet, and timid at first making people thought I'm a demure, modest, and self-effacing that looks "immaculate" or "one of a kind" (due to my protective mom, a reason why I've never been in a relationship) but the truth is, dunno how to initiate a conversation, but a total opposite if I open up---friendly, ambivert, witty, laughing loudly on a daily basis---like my happiness is too shallow, super talkative, eats a lot (yeah I can finish a huge slice of cake or a meal in one sitting), awkward, daydreamer (I got embarrassed from knocking at the door even I'm inside the classroom 😂), EXTREMELY CLUMSY (mostly gets bruises from hitting, bumping my head somewhere, walking into something on my way, and being careless to my belongings), secretly likes affection, easily overwhelmed, prone to melt over wholesomeness, flusters on compliments, lightly blushes on cheesy banters, eager to share what I know (especially about Catholic Church---my past teacher joked that I'll become a saint because of it 🤣), oftenly speaks full of sarcasm with a lowkey crackhead energy citing meme references, and talented girl who can be your no.1 supporter and unashamed to be true to myself but can be awkward to strangers. In terms of leadership, I only educate and guide than being a prefect (I might take the role seriously), will lift my group when there's lacking/incompleteness. About doing projects in school, I become too extra and prepared for efforts, but I'll forget the process in the end.

The extent, I'm expressive, warm-hearted, willig to help, kind, intelligent, supportive, nice, creative, enthusiastic, laid-back, determined, tough, competitive, and feisty outside, but a real softie that can be childish and dramatic that cries so easily (but will enlightened real quick by smallest things that makes me smile) filled with doubts, frustrations, and insecurities with fear of failure that pushes off the limits to to please everyone because they might get dissappointed from expectations---I simply can't stop proving myself too much because I'm a survivor of bullying. But I still managed to be stronger than ever after I stumbled, even it's a slow burn process. I can be blunt, intimidating, harsh, and a douchebag if I receive ends or I got interrupted while doing something. Immature, headstrong, perfectionist, demanding, hesitant, jumpy, forgetful, overthinker, quick-tempered, sensitive, and anxious (no joke, my nervousness makes me think worse scenario will arrive). Though can be procrastinator and arrogant, I raised as a religious 𝖺𝗇𝖽 diplomatic youth, willing to fight what I believe (including my dreams and what's important to me) and what is right. In addition, I have a habit of staying up late and doing sign of the cross to ease nervousness.

Rowdy and feeling-brokenhearted and bitter friend in the group who fangirl a lot, swears like sailor, will call out on people that we loathe, will make fun of your stupidity (in a good way) before helping, and bring gossips, but a hopeless romantic and cheeky (makes banter with sarcasms or pick up lines as an endearment, but gets annoyed if I received sappy or offensive one), Still generous and concerned person in a subtle and different way.

𝗛𝗢𝗕𝗕𝗜𝗘𝗦

My hobbies are singing, drawing, roleplaying, listening to music, chatting/browsing on social media, conceptualizing, writing, and reading some stuffs. I'll include making corniest jokes/puns, sleeping, and dancing when nobody's around or walking like a model if I feel so bold (even I'm terrible at both xD). I also used to learn Italian language a bit.

𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘𝗦

Loves kittens, milk tea, singing at the karaoke, cartoons, iced coffee, memes, cute things, watching YouTube videos (mostly pageants, ASMR, edit audios, and mukbangs), also enjoys playing games on my sister's PSP. Sucker for arts, choir, poetry, night sky, makeup, fun/deep/dumb conversations, Christianity, documentaries (about saints, real crime stories, and inspirational people), reading interesting stuffs, talking about social issues, and creative writing, chilling both indoors and outdoors. Beside that, my music taste are like late 90s-2000s songs (mostly rock, pop, and country) sometimes Catholic songs, kpop and ppop, chocoholic, and a sweetooth as well.

𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘𝗦

Things that I hate are stereotyping, HUGE creepy crawlies (spiders, toads, snakes, and cockroaches), firecracker sounds, thunder and lightning, being left out, loneliness, heart break, blackout, and judgemental people. If I found out that someone hates or backstabbing or being rude to me, I won't hesitate to throw offensive criticisms, leaving them with a "I don't give a f" attitude. One random fact about me is, I 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 vent out EVERYTHING I despise in my entire existence---from bad soap operas to toxicity, worse scenarios in real life, and how terrible is my love life from unrequited feelings that I got, because it's a big deal for me, and I consider forcing me to do what I'm not into and manipulating me as my major pet peeves.

𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗚𝗘𝗥𝗦

In terms of triggers...I only have two which are ta𝖨king about divorce/annullment/separation because I came from a generational broken family (it sucks that some people I knew assumed that the reason why I'm overly unaware that someone is interested in me in secret, is I have "high standards" looking for a partner, but the truth is I'm strict and I have a personal preferences...I know my worth and I don't want settle for less!) and religion/beliefs discrimination, cause' there are reasonings that doesn't makes sense because some, sounds too hypocritical, like as if you're a morally good person.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘 + 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 𝗟𝗔𝗡𝗚𝗨𝗔𝗚𝗘𝗦

My love languages are quality time and gift giving, but I actually swoon over physical touch (especially cuddles and cute kisses) and words of affirmation when it comes to having a partner, though I get attracted so easily, matured but can be a goofy person who's nice, friendly, kind-hearted, loving, faithful, and excels in academics is my cup of tea. Whenever I have a real life crush (which is rare), I act the same but deep inside, my heart is about to explode and will eventually share to my trustful friends how I highly admire that person, however if they spilled the beans out, I'll obviously deny it and will cry if they like someone else, it will take some time for me to move on, now I don't care for them anymore.

Best Friends to Lovers is my ideal trope because I find it very cute since you already knew each other before dating (which happened to my 2nd cousin, she married her best friend!)---perfect balance for romance, laughters, comfort, and tears when it comes to sharing your vibes, being there through thick and thin, safe with embraces, and helping each other to grow.

𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗩𝗜𝗔𝗦

My best assets are smile, eyes, personality, singing voice, artistic skills, writings, intelligence, oratorical skills and I have potential in hosting...so I can consider myself as a singer, artist, orator, speaker, and a top student who's a former active campus ministry member with three roles (choir leader, psalm singer, and reader).

May sounds different but I'm passionate for helping people through my talents and sharing my story to inspire everyone. I may look selfish, but I have a different way on how I show that I actually care also I have a biased sentimental value

Currently a college freshman, learning how to cook. I have so many interests, to the point I don't know what I'm into because of my dreams to become a popular Filipino YouTuber, a novelist, and being part of a successful chorale competing internationally...I also consider joining pageants at school too once the pandemic ends, but maybe.

HP: Remus!

- Remus is also quiet and a bit reserved when he's not in a familiar situation, so your own first impression on him would be a good one, as you'd seem similar to his own personality. He's sweet and is able to start up a conversation if he notices the other person is having a hard time doing so, so hopefully he'd be able to bring out your more extroverted and friendly self after a while so he can be around the more open you. He wouldn't mind you being a bit awkward-he's very much the same way-honestly, the comradery that would come from that would be more positive than anything else. He loves sharing knowledge and learning about new things, so your eagerness to talk about what you know would work really well also! He does a lot better when he knows someone has his back too, so your extra supportive nature would endear him to you as well.

SW: Han!

- Your nicer and more helpful personality would balance out Han's more standoffish vibes when first meeting. You might get on his nerves a bit first, but you'd quickly grown on him and, in turn, make him a bit of a better person. Your ability to be blunt and a bit harsh would serve you well if you ever needed to stand your ground on an issue that two of you have, as he can be quite stubborn.

VLD: Lance!

- Lance can be a bit immature from time to time as well, especially when it comes to trying to be funny or cheering up those around him-he's also headstrong and typically firm in what he wants to do, so your own determined personality would attract him to you a lot as well. He often puts off things he needs to do if they make him anxious too, but if you both recognize that you share that problem, helping each other might be a good solution!

Disney: Flynn!

- Flynn is quite a sarcastic and teasing person, so your own humor would match well with his. He's also quite a hopeless romantic as well, even though he's certainly not one to admit that right off the bat. He enjoys singing, and as he gets closer to someone he feels more comfortable doing so in front of them, so a partner he's been with for a long time would get to see him be more and more open with it. That also applies to activities like dancing.

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Do you think they would actually enjoy the modern world? Or would they want to stay in their current time period?

Hm, well, I think that may vary depending on each suitor if I’m honest! (I’ll be excluding Sebastian from this one, only because he is a modern man and I wager he would want to stay in the mansion in order to finish his thesis) 

Under a cut bc it’s a long boi:

I think for people like Arthur and Theo, for instance--who always seem to live in the fast lane--it might not really prove much of a problem. They would continue enjoying the night life and move with their busy schedules. Tl;dr: (For them? Same shit, different day)

Vincent would likely be doing just fine given how Theo often provides assistance in places where he struggles; to promote his art, to spark intrigue in the general public and benefactors. He might be a little overwhelmed by the influx of stimuli that comes with the modern era, constant noise and interaction and movement--perhaps worry that people are losing their ability to live in the moment. (Not to mention what’s being done to the environment...) There might be a learning curve/adjustment, but I think Theo would help him ease in. Plus, it would be a little easier to promote his art given the less stringent restrictions on public exhibitions. He’d still have to work for his fame, but at least the van Goghs wouldn’t have to live in constant unease in the proximity of the cutthroat academy.  Tl;dr: (Mixed feelings, but tries to stay positive about modern times)

Dazai is more familiar with this kind of life of quick turmoil and breakneck speed, if anything he falls back into his old coping mechanisms--hello writing, drinking, and smoking. An overwhelming influx of information and suffering would probably be hard for him to manage, despite how expertly he hides it. I think I would be worried he would lose himself in the dismal reality of diminished connection with other people. Yes I’m shoving him into therapy, I want him to start living for himself and taking care of himself ffs

That isn’t to say there aren’t happy possibilities for him, just that I think he really needs to heal first. I could see him very happy in a kind of writer’s circle with people he loves and trusts; less expending his energy in a desperate attempt to fill the void and please others, more cultivating his own happiness... Tl;dr: (Positive potential, but honestly part of me thinks the past quieter/simple/rural life suits him better...he still loves meme culture tho, he finds it so expansive and creative)

Isaac is in a similar boat as Dazai, I think! He has wonderful potential as a mentor and professor, and living in a world that has a little more patience and respect for genius might help encourage him to put himself out there. That being said, I think the pace of life would exhaust him though--he is very much the kind of person that prefers to keep to himself and just puzzle and tinker. Baby boy just wants to do equations, build little inventions, and read up on the recent discoveries in astrophysics (BRUH WHEN THE IMAGE OF THE BLACK HOLE CAME OUT HE FORGOT HOW TO B R E A T H E) Napoleon is the only reason he eats anything healthy or on any kind of regular schedule s m h. Tl;dr: (Not a lot changes, honestly? He was reclusive then, he still is now--he just has more toys/academic resources. If anything he might get a little too lost in his work because of it, somebody please make sure he’s eating/sleeping/socializing;;;)

Poor Jeanne is SUFFERING. Please release him from this nightmare he is begging. Jk jk, I don’t think it would be too bad for him--but I do think that he would have the aforementioned problem of too many stimuli and too much interaction. I think he would ease into it a little with Mozart’s help; he would just be awkward and wooden until he got the hang of it. Most people just find him quirky in an amusing way, and don’t think too hard about it. I’d wager he’d probably become literate at this point because of the abundance of resources and necessity to read/write (okay but imagine this baby with a little kid workbook iM GONNA CRY!!! TAKE ALL MY CRAYONS JEANNE). 

Can you imagine this mofo at a Starbucks??? Tall and stoic, dark and debonair (EVERYONE IS S W O O N I N G), and he just asks in a light tenor “can I have a mocha with eight shots of expresso” with a completely straight face. “Sir, that could kill you” “Don’t worry, I’ve been dead a long time” And he just moves to wait for his order. 11/10 cryptid I could watch an entire show just about his daily adventures

He works with Napoleon a lot given their similar skillsets. They coach kids at high schools that have fencing teams (it’s really REALLY cute bc if they’re on the younger side, Jeanne will very dramatically lose bc he wants to encourage them and the kids are delighted--but the parents are INCHES from laughing so hard they’re in tears). Otherwise, he mostly takes up gigs as a security worker/bodyguard, only really works for the money. He prefers to spend his time in ways that feel meaningful if he can, so don’t be surprised if you see him in foster homes and in social working spaces. He has an uncanny understanding about him, a kind of silence/patience that doesn’t stifle; it makes the kids/teens calm down in milliseconds. They really listen when he does talk, and he sets good and clear boundaries--he knows how to be firm when it’s required. He gives them the structure and placid grounding they’ve never had, and really pays attention to what’s important to them. Brings them little things he notices; brings flowers to the one that likes to draw, brings CDs (he is bad with technology, but they usually only have access to older/outdated stuff anyway) to the one the one that struggles to write with white noise in the house, brings little plushies to the ones that lose theirs. He’s simple but solid, and he finds a lot of meaning in helping kids overcome the similar kind of struggles he faced.  Tl;dr: (Steep learning curve, but he just sees it as all the same really--just more work to be done with the literacy requirement and adjustment to technology. Will be resistant at first, but when he gets accustomed and starts finding people who are important to him, he wouldn’t want to change anything/go back. But will admit there are some days he just wants to go to the most remote place he can access and just live there for a month with no human interaction whatsoever; people are inefficient and insufferable sometimes)

Mozart’s life honestly doesn’t change much? I feel like he would easily be able to keep composing and continue releasing his work as per usual. Given his quick capacity to schmooze and say what people want to hear when he must, he’d be more than able to network his way into success. I think the only thing he might struggle with now and again is inspiration, given the world operates on a very surface level in the modern era sometimes. Profound insight and depth are not quite as cultivated in many ways, and he can struggle to find something that just sparks motivation/novelty in his mind, makes him start composing at breakneck speed. He reads a lot and watches some TV shows/movies when he’s at really low inspiration levels, the kind of guy that sneers at Game of Thrones--but finds things like BBC’s Sherlock more passable (wants intrigue and complexity, doesn’t much enjoy the sensationalized drivel). When Arthur finds out he loves ATLA he about falls off his seat. “It’s a children’s show.” “Yes it is, with a remarkable level of depth and craftsmanship, what are you trying to say?” He begins to find a kind of rhythm in his composing, and Jeanne and Dazai often drop by with so many crazy stories he finds himself filled with music anyway LMAO Tl;dr: (Same as Isaac, really just keeps doing his thing without being impeded, and he enjoys the luxuries/conveniences of the modern era. Will be slightly resistant at first because of how alien some of the changes are, but will fall into the habits/customs slowly and surely. Fine with it, will whine a bit at the growing pains tho)

Leonardo actually canonically owns a bar, and does that really surprise anyone? He really enjoys the excitement of meeting new people and hearing about their myriad histories, the influx of cultures/languages/experiences. It’s a nice but lowkey place, people stop for a drink, listen to some good music--chat amiably and relax after a long day’s work--before heading out. There are regulars and people that just stop for that single day; tourists, vacationers, so on and so forth.

When asked, many people note a sleek black cat with sharp eyes that led them to the bar... Tl;dr: (Don’t Let the Existential Dread Set-in: The Prequel, adapts well to the modern era because of centuries of experience but also...he’s so tired...somebody please hold him I can’t watch him live like this, lord jesus)

Optimally, I see Comte filling his time with myriad pursuits; ranging from philanthropy, indulging in art/music/theatre (often a benefactor as well), and keeping track of his chirren (they may exist more independently now, but he still worries about them ;-;). Otherwise nothing much changes for him, still goes to galas and fancy gatherings, still enjoys fashion and spoiling people, still seeks to occupy himself with social interaction and care-taking--if he doesn’t have a family of his own. He’s basically just that meme that’s like DON’T LET THE EXISTENTIAL DREAD SET-IN. DON’T LET IT SET-IN!!!!!!!!! Tl;dr: (Not to repeat myself but also Don’t Let the Existential Dread Set-in: The Sequel, literally just desperately trying to fill the void please somebody help him he also just needs to be held fuck’s sake, I’m going to drag him kicking and screaming into happiness--but otherwise has no great trouble adjusting to the modern era. I feel like he would have a more minor form of what Dazai struggles with, maybe a lack of personable connection that he once had; fewer chances to be himself and relax. Also probably worried about the increasing unhappiness and turmoil building in the world in general...)

Napoleon is similar to Comte in that he often checks up on Isaac and Jeanne from time to time, and does the aforementioned fencing lessons with kids. He also takes a lot of basic security positions--for venues, concerts, museums--you name it. He dislikes the idea of sitting behind a desk a lot, so he prefers to do a lot of different things; he even cooks from time to time at the restaurants  that know him very well. One gig he particularly enjoys is battle choreography for movies/theatre! He tends to stay away from anything too historically close to his era of origin, but he has fun coming up with realistic (smaller scale) hand-to-hand combat scenarios and duels. Tl;dr: (This era doesn’t feel like too much of a change. It’s a little more intensive in terms of pace, but he manages to keep up pretty well, it just exhausts him from time to time--and he usually goes on trips or hikes to unwind when he needs to like Jeanne LOL they do not go to their happy place, they go to their high lonesome place).

Shakespeare also continues to do his drama thing, organizes troupes on tons of different levels--from community level to more intense, skilled groups that re-enact his own work. His life doesn’t change all that much beyond a new form of theatre logistics, and he adjusts to the technology fairly easily out of necessity. He’ll stop by Vincent’s place from time to time to show him recordings of his latest shows, but otherwise is almost always on the move. Tl;dr: (So long as he can keep following his greatest passion, he doesn’t really mind the changes in how theatre happens--he doesn’t have any sizable issues with the modern era.)

Ability with technology (phones mostly):

Arthur: more than capable, well-versed, loves to do everything on his phone no prob--maybe lives a little too much on his phone (Vine/TikTok/Youtube can kill his productivity RIP) also yes he has a fidget spinner on his desk, no I will not be taking any constructive criticism at this time

Theo: yes but with a lot of cursing at first, had to do it for work and now looks down on anyone that can’t keep up with him (except for Vincent)

Vincent: knows the basics, taking and sending pictures, writing things in notes for later, texting (tho sending emails is a little harder for him); he does his best but he can be slow. Really really enjoys the paint programs on his iPad for when he’s on public transit, but he starts setting alarms after he gets the hang of it (he’s missed his stops before because of it LMAO)

Leonardo: what kind of stupid question? Man knows how to pick them apart and put ‘em back together for crying out loud, uses it like a pro--comes to him naturally, and he’s the guy that keeps coming up with ways to jailbreak Apple products and thwart their money-grubbing tactics. Catch him playing Minish Cap on his emulator on the way to work, brah

Comte: just vibing, keeps up with the times easily since he’s been doing it for so long, much like Theo uses it to keep in touch with the people around him--he’s the “prefers to call instead of text” sorta guy though, he worries about losing emotional subtleties and he likes to hear people’s voices. Doesn’t do anything special on phones, more just a tool; will read/listen to podcasts/does have emulators (courtesy of Leo) and enjoys playing Pokemon when he’s bored

Jeanne: types one finger at a time, it will take a while--but he’ll get there (deleted all his contacts by accident once and Mozart was just. HOW.) He barely knows how to use a phone, and it’s a steep learning curve for him

Mozart: purely functional when it comes to his phone, refuses to rely on it beyond the necessities that only tech can do (for instance, sending emails or reading articles or uploading compositions) he still writes his music before making more polished digital copies. He will sometimes listen to pieces digitally, but prefers to play them in-person; he feels that a lot of the soul in a piece is lost despite the convenience

Dazai: you absolute fools. you baboons. why would you ever give him this kind of power. it is 3AM and he has been on a wikipedia trail spanning hours, started with Cleopatra being the seventh in her line with that name all the way to cotton candy being called “daddy’s beard” in French. please help him he hasn’t slept in years. Also probably binges anime and manga lbr. He’s the one making vine references every other second, always up to date on the memes^TM

Isaac: also mostly uses it as a tool for research and calculations; it’s a way to keep track of information. He also likes to play background music while he’s working, so he finds the device nice and convenient--plus less having to go around pestering people in-person. he does start to get interested in coding and tinkering with apps/programs eventually, too

Shakespeare: finds it a delightful little contraption, so useful because it lets him jot down ideas as they come to him quickly, and he can edit his texts much more easily with digital interfaces. also likes that performances can be recorded, because now he can analyze his staging more efficiently--it gives him a good sense of what needs to be adjusted, and encourages him to keep streamlining/try new concepts

Napoleon: likes it because he can keep in touch with people more easily, the kind of guy to drop a line before checking on a friend. he really likes to look up recipes and find out more about cooking techniques he’s never encountered before. Isaac starts making an Instagram account just to show Napoleon’s impeccable plating, and Napo gets quite the following without knowing for a while

[mrs-dynamight]

Be Nice To Me 5

Part 4.

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Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x fem!Reader, Denki Kaminari x fem!Reader

Warnings: Eventual mature content, angst, hurt/comfort, love triangle, the reader is lowkey toxic, everything will be adressed in every episode (:

Chapter warning: Swearing, steamy make out session (borderline porn but not really), mentions of other couples form 1A

Chapter: 5/?

Synopsis: You're in love with your best friend Bakugou, and you're cofessing to him but things get a lot more complicated when Denki starts to treat you different *wink wink*

Word count: 3.9k

Author's note: This is sooo long, but I loved writing it, I deeply suggest you listen to the song of the title (here). I'm honestly living my coming-of-age indie kid fantasy with this chapter, as always any suggestion is welcomed.

Chapter 5 First Day of my Life- Bright Eyes

Thank to every single Deity that my weekend was packed with internship work so I didn’t have a minute to think about the emotions bubbling up in my heart and my mind, I came to my room exhausted and directly to sleep.

I didn’t talk to any of my friends that weekend, I had a couple of texts from the groupchats, in one of them there were unresolved questions about my date with Katsuki, and on the other one were the flashes for the Fridays gig and good luck wishes to Bakugo who was going to leave the morning after the show, so they planned a goodbye party in the dorms after the gig, Aizawa surprisingly agreed but under any circumstances we were allowed to having alcohol or any other illicit activity inside the UA facilities, not like that could’ve stopped my favourite trio of dumbasses, Mina, Denki and Sero were already planning on smuggle some liquor to the dorms, that was going to be one epic night.

Monday morning finally came, and as much I would love to just spend the day in my bed sleeping and watching Tiktok I needed education, my muscles were sore of the whole weekend roaming the city with Mirko, who seemed unable to getting tired, but I stilled reunited the forces to get dressed, brush my teeth and tried to look like a decent human being, emphasis in the tried part.

As I climbed down the stairs to the common room for a bite of whatever was in the fridge, I saw a beautiful ash blonde guy drinking his usual morning juice with protein powder.

-Morning Draw, you look like shit-

-Well you look handsome as ever ‘Tsuki, thanks for the kind words of the day, you know how to make a woman start the week in the best way possible- I replied while heading to the kitchen

-But seriously what is that Bunny forcing you to do on weekends? Crack? -

I didn’t reply but instead I just blowed him a kiss and start munching on a toast with excessive amount of jam, Tsuyu and Ochako were eating cereal next to Deku, the three of them saw my whole interaction with Katsuki with those weird eyes that just screamed “marry him already”, I told them I had to talk to them, and they all agreed that lunch time with Tenya and Shoto were the gossip time of choice, I waited for the girls to finish eating and we headed class.

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-YOU TWO FINALLY KISSED?!?- Ochako screamed with excitement

-Is he a good kisser? - Asked Deku pulling out his notebook in the “Kachaan” section

-How’s that relevant to the hero notebook? – I asked Deku

-Wait, isn’t he going to another country on Saturday? –

-Well yes Tenya, that’s the other thing I wanted to talk you guys about-

Then I started to explain the whole predicament of waiting for him and his words about that.

-Wow did he really said that having a girlfriend would be a distraction? - said Tsuyu with a concerned look on her face

I didn’t really thought about that harsh phrase, but it was Bakugo, right? He always says things that hurt other people’s feelings, that’s just him

-He sounded honest, but he shouldn’t have hurt your feelings like that-

-It didn’t hurt my feelings, Shoto, I’m used to him saying things like that all the time-

-That can’t be good Y/N, you can’t just get used to people hurting you, especially if you want to have a relationship, and a long-distance one, where things usually get a little tougher- Said Ochako

-I would consider wait for him to return Y/N, so that way you can both be clear about what you expect for each other- Deku said hiding his face in the Katsudon plate in front of him

I wanted to talk to them about what happened with Denki, but I was afraid they just said that I was overthinking, we’ve always been very close friends; but so were they, why was I so reluctant to talk about me and Denki? Maybe saying it out loud could somehow make it more real.

We finished our lunch and headed to class, the rest of the day went pretty neutral, as well as the rest of the week, but the thought of Bakugo leaving haunted me, he didn’t said or did anything special, we didn’t talked about our kiss or our lovely words, it was like it didn’t happen at all, we came back to being just friends. Denki was purposely avoiding me, I could notice it, anytime I wanted to talk to him he just made up some excuse and leave quickly, the rest of the Bakusquad was busy with the whole party preparations and the Dekusquad was as lovely as always, they told me a million times in that week that they will be there for me no matter what I choose to do; as for me, I was just as confused as Monday morning.

I didn’t wanna go to the party, or the gig, I just wanted to go to my room, listen to sad music, and feel pity for myself until I ceased to exist, but it was definitely off limits, I promised Denki I would go with him to the soundcheck, there was only this last one class, but I wasn’t really in the mood for maths, so I decided the best for me was head back to the dorms and stop thinking so much about everything, missing a class wouldn’t kill me.

When my life crumbles down there is only one thing in the whole world that could make me feel better, and that is loud music, so there I was, headphones to the max, airplane mode on, eyes closed and mouthing every word like a prayer, I felt like every lyric was washing away my worries and doubts, reassuring me that everything was (not) okay, I was so concentrated in my music I didn’t heard the knocking on my door, and didn’t heard a certain blonde calling my name, it was until I felt a big hand in my shoulder that I realized that Bakugo wasn’t in class either, but in my dorm room, with a worried face.

-Fucking dumbass, why aren’t you in class? You’re going to fail math, again-

-I wasn’t feeling like going to class- I said with a bit of guilt, it probably sounded like a lame ass excuse, but at least it was the truth

-Not feeling like going to class? What the fuck do you think this is, a game? Math is your worst subject and if you fail I won’t be here to tutoring you, you can’t fail-

He was worried, I could tell, he just turned every emotion in pure acidic rage, not like knowing this would make his words hurt less, I didn’t want to admit that the thought of being far from him made my heart ache and my eyes water, and it didn’t help the lack of contact of the week, I was looking forward to another one of his tender kisses, or any sign that what happened last Friday was real

-I’m hurt Katsuki, a week ago it seemed like you wanted to be with me, despite everything and this past days you were acting like nothing happened, I don’t know what to think or what to do, I don’t know what's going on with you, how are you feeling, you don’t say anything, you don’t do anything, you just hide your feelings away in your cocoon of rage-

-See, that is exactly why I didn’t want to kiss you in the first place, I knew it would only lead to problems, that’s the reason I didn’t want to tell you I liked you before going away, I knew you would react like this, I told you the truth, I can’t be your Boyfriend, I’m sorry if that hurts your feelings-

And surprisingly I found myself inside his big arms in a tight hug, his face hiding in the crook of my neck, I put my arms around his slim waist and we just stayed there for a solid ten minutes before breaking the contact.

-I don’t want this to hurt you Y/N, I can’t be with you right now, I can’t give you what you need, and as I told you the other night, I don’t want you wasting your time waiting for me-

-I don’t wanna let you go ‘Tsuki- I said with tears in my eyes

-You won’t, think it like this, if this is meant to be, and I know it is, when we see each other again, in a better place, in a better time, it will happen. I don’t know where or when, but I promise you we will be together, but please don’t throw your life away waiting for me-

- That sounded as if we were breaking up-

-We aren’t, this is only the beginning, I promise-

I was being selfish, it was obvious that this was also hurting him, he was being mature and caring, thinking about what was good for the both of us, before the things we wanted, maybe he was right, this was meant to be, just not right now, right person wrong time troupe right, but with a happy ending, right?

That was one of the most bittersweets moments in my life, I was happy to know that Bakugo thought about us as endgame, just like I did, we were still young, we had plenty of time, all the time in the world, I shouldn’t have worried about his feelings, he told me I should never doubt that he liked me, and I was willing to make that compromise.

-Let’s have a good time tonight, ‘Tsuki, for what I know, tomorrow you could be kissing some European woman and forgetting our promise-

-You get jealous that easy, Draw? Already afraid you’d lose me, huh? - He said with a smirk on his face and getting closer to me

I swallowed with nervousness, but I didn’t break the visual contact

-Aren’t you afraid I fall for another guy in the meanwhile? -

-You’ll have to find someone better than me first, and we both know there isn’t such thing, and besides that, you’re not mine, I don’t owe you, I only own the feelings you have for me, and as long as those exist I’ll do everything to be with you. So, that’s a no, I don’t care about any other guy- He said with his lips softly brushing against mines -But right now, I want to be the only thing in your mind- And saying those words he kissed me.

He wasn’t being gentle like the last time we kissed, there was a hunger, a neediness within his kiss, he wasn’t being rough tho, but I could feel the burning intensity in his movements. He pulled apart and looked into my eyes for any sign of discomfort, but when he met my half lidded gaze filled with love, he slammed his lips against mines one more time, his tongue brushed my lips asking for consent to enter my mouth, to which I responded opening it just enough for him to start moving it, massaging it with my own with a rhythmic pace, his hands travelled down to my hips, it seemed like he wasn’t nervous at all, but I on the contrary was almost shaking, we broke the heated kiss with flushy cheeks and sweaty hands, I looked into his eyes and I could see the lust behind his crimson irises. A million questions started bubbling in my mind, does this means he want to have sex with me? Right here and now? He must have noticed the concerned look in my face because his next words were

-Hey, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, sorry if it was too much-

-It wasn’t, it’s just I’ve never, I mean I haven’t… have you? – I asked with an obvious blush on my cheeks

-Just once, it wasn’t bad, but I figured out it could have been better if it was with someone I loved, like you. We don’t have to do anything tho, I just wanted to kiss you-

A strange relief passed my body, he didn’t want me to give myself to him in this exact moment, and I was glad for it, as much as I loved him I felt like this wasn’t the right moment for it, but I still wanted to do other things with him, I mean, this was his last day in the UA, and my first time making out with somebody, we still had a few of hours before the soundcheck. I lead him to my bed and pushed him into it so he could be sitting.

-Y/N are you sure you want to do this? – He wanted to be sure that there was no pressure in doing anything I didn’t want to

-We don’t have to go all the way in, I just want to make sure you feel loved and have fun on your last day, and besides, we already missed math class- And just as this last words escaped my lips I sat in his lap and started kissing his cheekbones softly, his hands went from his sides to my hips as he started to plant open mouth kisses in my neck, sending a shiver down my spine.

-And what about you? You want to feel loved too? – He said against my ear, nibbing at the lobe, I nodded softly, closing my eyes and giving myself in to the feeling of his strong hands in my body, his raspy voice in my ear and the feeling of his lust between my legs.

Our heated make out session made me forgot everything I had in my mind, I was only focused in Bakugo, I couldn’t even began to explain how loved he was making me feel in that moment.

-I have to go packing, but I really like your lips, see my problem here? – He said with a sigh, after a while -I’m actually not in the mood for a party tonight, I would rather having a good night of sleep-

-You’re so boring ‘Tsuki, you sound like an old man with two divorces who is starting to get bald-

-‘Tch, would you rather seeing me drunk and staying up late and doing dumb shit I’ll regret about when I sober up like the rest of those losers? –

-Yes! Only this one time, before you have to go away, let’s get drunk and watch the sunrise, then I could go on with my life in peace-

- Ugh and being hungover in a 7-hour fly? Really, that is your idea of a last night with me? –

I tried to make the best puppy eyes I could as I just said “pretty please” in the most dramatic way possible.

-UGH fine, but don’t you forget that you owe me something for being a fucking loser in Mario Kart-

-Anything for you ‘Tsuki- I said while planting a kiss on his cheek

With a smirk on his face he told me he would tell me what he wanted right before leaving, and I was okay with that, we said goodbye with one last kiss and he went to his dorm room to finish packing. Then I remembered I had my phone on Airplane mode, as I deactivated it I saw a bunch of unread messages, most of them were from my concerned friends asking if I were okay, I answered in the dekusquad groupchat that everything was fine, and immediately they began asking questions about Bakugo and me being both missing math class, I replied a single smiling emoji and they knew we were together. Denki messaged me about ten minutes ago “Hey Y/N I can’t wait for you to come to the soundcheck with me” followed by a cursed image of someone T-posing on top of a drumset, I couldn’t help but laugh, and I replied with an even more cursed image.

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I was in Denkis car, Katy Perry blasting through the speakers and Denki and I having a carpool karaoke singing Last Friday Night like our life depended on it, it felt like he hasn’t being avoiding me all week, there we were laughing and having a good time. The soundcheck was actually really funny, Jirou who is usually very quiet was obviously the leader, giving orders here and there, I wasn’t completely alone while the band was getting ready to perform, Momo was an official member of the band but she didn’t continue playing with them, but she never missed one of Jirous’ performances, they were obviously very much in love, I couldn’t help to notice the way she looked at Jirou the whole time, and I wondered if that was the same way I looked at Bakugo, I remembered the words that Tsuyu said to me, does everyone knew I was in love with Denki?...

Shit, my mind pictured Denki when my train of though was about Bakugo; it probably were because I was watching Denki plugging his guitar and waving at me at that exact same moment, or did I really thought of Denki when I was thinking about love? A feel of guilt started to build in my heart, just a few hours ago I was making out with Bakugo, and now I was watching Denki going different directions with cables and amplifiers and I couldn’t help but feel like I was in love with him. Momo probably noticed my worried expression because she asked me if everything was right, I just had to lie and tell her that I was okay when in reality I was panicking, I excused myself and went to the bathroom to splash some cold water in my face like the actresses do in every movie to calm themselves down, and apparently it worked, so with more confidence I walked out of the bathroom. When I came back to the table Momo and I were sharing I noticed that people were starting to arrive, I sat next to Momo again and tried to have a casual conversation about school, training, internships and just normal student stuff when I felt a well-known pair of hands covering my eyes.

-Hi Denki- I said as I chucked

-How did you knew it was me? – He genuinely asked

-How couldn’t I? -

-Hey Kaminari, we’re starting in ten- Said Jirou planting a kiss in her girlfriends’ lips

Bakugo arrived just in that exact same moment, I almost forgot he was also going to perform, I didn’t know how to act with other people around us, I wanted to kiss him, but I also didn’t want Denki to see it, I couldn’t help but feel like an awful person for my last thought.

-Hey Draw, long time no see you- Said Bakugo like his tongue wasn’t on my throat a few hours ago

I flipped him off with a smile and blowed him a kiss and continued talking with Denki about who would win in a fight between a bear and a shark, we were currently discussing how long the bear could hold his breath, I turned my head to look at Bakugo and he was already staring at us with the saddest expression I’ve ever seen, and as he noticed my eyes on him he changed it to his usual annoyed one

-You two are the dumbest persons I know- He said, giving us one of his angry looks

-Guys, we’re up- Said Tokoyami grabbing his guitar pick and heading to the stage

-Break a leg guys! - Said Momo giving Jirou one last good luck kiss

Bakugo winked an eye to me and went to the stage without saying anything, my eyes followed his figure to the stage when a sudden voice in my ear made me jump a little bit

-Keep your eyes on me- Whispered Denki in my ear before planting a kiss on my cheek

They started the show, the powerful voice of Jirou quickly caught everyone’s attention, they gotten better over the years, you could tell they were in their prime, usually my eyes were always fixed in the blonde drummer, but tonight they were mesmerized with Denkis fingers skilfully playing with his guitar chords, pearls of sweat in his forehead, a big smile on his face, and golden eyes all over me, he looked perfect.

Suddenly I began to notice everything the boy did, every time his voice intertwined with Jirous’ for a perfect harmony, every movement looked so natural and… sexy? I didn’t noticed I was holding my breath until I heard Shotos’ voice next to me, trying to be heard over the noise coming from stage

-Sorry we’re late, Tenya got lost-

I heard it, but my mind was somewhere else, it was in Denkis’ Kaminari palm. It was almost an hour of absolute bliss, without a single thought crossing my mind just the image of the boy in front of me. I heard the last song of their setlist and prepared for the usual announcement of the end of the show but instead they all waved and came down from stage, all except one, Denkis’ voice was a little shaky when he spoke on the microphone:

-Hi everybody! Thank you so much for coming today, hope you’re doing alright, now we don’t usually do this, but you’ll see, tonight is a very special night, the last one for a while because we’re going to be drummerless tomorrow morning, sooo anyways, I would like to sing a very special song for a very special someone who is here with us tonight, she’s just everything to me, Y/N this is for you-

I felt like I was on fire, the rush of blood went straight to my cheeks, I was suddenly shaking with nervousness, my palms were sweating and I swore everyone could hear my heartbeat, I didn’t wanted to look away from Denki, but I could feel my friends eyes on me. Was this actually happening? The first chords of Denkis’ acoustic guitar confirmed that it wasn’t a dream, his soft voice drowned every other sound, suddenly everything else went dark, it was only the two of us. I paid attention to the words he was saying, he was pouring his heart out, in front of everyone, for me

"Yours was the first face that I saw

I think I was blind before I met you"

This was a love song; Denki was telling me he loved me with every syllable coming out of his mouth and every note from his guitar

"And so I thought I'd let you know

Yeah, these things take forever, I especially am slow

But I realized that I need you

And I wondered if I could come home"

It was perfect, I couldn’t help but tearing up, nobody has ever done something remotely as romantic as this, he sounded so sincere, so drunk with affection, he was obviously nervous, but his eyes were fixed on me

"I'm glad I didn't die before I met you

But now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you

And I'd probably be happy

So if you wanna be with me

With these things there's no telling

We just have to wait and see

But I'd rather be working for a paycheck

Than waiting to win the lottery.

Besides, maybe this time is different

I mean, I really think you like me."

The last strumming of his guitar vanished in the air, and suddenly everything went back to normal, the people around us, the noises, the shocked faces in my friends faces, and the absence of Bakugo.

************************************************

Wowowow this was an emotional rollercoster, but what can I say I love drama, thanks to @warrior-princess1 for proof-reading this

Taglist: @mikasalt

[phantom-curve]

Mads I have to be annoying and send you another one of those prompts 😂 Platonic Alex & Reggie with "liberosis - the desire to care less about things"!

this was not the first prompt you sent in, but I had way too much fun exploring this dynamic and I couldn't resist doing this one before the others! set in the gimme a chance AU, please enjoy this deleted scene that takes place after chapter 4 ft. Alex and Reggie being completely Over It™️

liberosis - the desire to care less about things (Rated T+ for language and some slightly suggestive wording about Luke and Julie's relationship)

“Okay so like, we’re in agreement that this is just a weird thing we’re not gonna talk about, right?”

It was late. Alex had stumbled home from work completely drained and exhausted around 10 pm and Reggie had apparently been waiting up to have this conversation, work clothes still on, fingers restless as they twisted together in front of his body where he sat propped up against the couch, TV turned low and forgotten behind him. For a second, Alex wasn’t exactly sure what Reggie was talking about. And then he remembered it was Sunday. Which meant yesterday had been Saturday. And all of the stupid Luke drama he had been trying to ignore came flooding back.

“No, we’re not gonna talk about it,” Alex said firmly, meeting Reggie’s concerned gaze with a look that he hoped translated into I will literally talk about anything else but this right now. “Total radio silence as far as I’m concerned.”

“Cool, okay. Glad we’re on the same page.”

Reggie’s head dipped and bobbed as he nodded his agreement. Alex let out a sigh of relief as he hunched over to slip his work shoes off and stack them on the rack by the front door. Then, the air seemed to grow thick with some sort of unspoken tension. Alex felt it press against him like an old, uncomfortable sweater, itchy and oppressive against his chest. When he straightened once more, Reggie was waiting to meet his gaze head on. Clearly, they were gonna talk about it.

“I’m not alone in thinking it’s like...kinda weird, right?”

Alex sighed, the action bone deep and heavy in a way that only Luke’s shenanigans could make him feel. Reggie wasn’t wrong. It was kinda weird that Luke had been hiding this whole Julie thing from them. It was kinda weird that Luke had managed to pull it off at all, actually. The boy was not known for his subtlety. He had very clearly struck out with Julie the first time around, and yet somehow, he had managed to draw her back in. Alex could tell by the way Luke had stuttered and stammered over the whole thing the night before that he had been trying to keep it lowkey. As if that boy even knew the meaning of the word. Case in point: he hadn’t been able to play it cool for 5 seconds once she had started ignoring him.

“Yeah, Reg, it’s definitely kinda weird.”

“Oh, good, I’m really glad I’m not the only one who feels that way about it. Ya know, when I first figured it out, I was like, ‘okay maybe it’s just a one-time thing.’ But it’s not a one-time thing. Definitely not. And I just like...don’t understand why he isn’t talking about it? Why is he trying to pretend its no big deal? It’s obviously a big deal.”

Alex desperately wished he could go back in time and take Willie up on his offer to spend the night tonight if only to be able to avoid this uncomfortable word vomit that Reggie didn’t seem capable of stopping. If there was ever a can of worms that didn’t need to be opened, it was this one, focused on Luke’s love life and his interactions with Julie, and what all of that meant in the grand scheme of things. Alex did not have the time or patience to truly get into this right now, he really didn’t. Except Reggie was looking at him so expectantly, as if Alex would reach into his fanny pack and pull out a booklet of answers, and so he also couldn’t just leave the poor guy to obsess alone.

“Okay, so we’re gonna do this, yeah? We’re gonna talk about it? Lemme...lemme just like get some sweats on and make some dinner, okay?”

Reggie let out a deep breath that Alex hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

“Yeah. Yeah, whatever you need, Lex.”

Alex didn’t dawdle. This was not a conversation that was going to go away or be dismissed. Reggie needed to talk it out, and honestly, now that he thought about it, Alex kind of did, too. And not to someone like Willie who would grin and say, “can’t stop true love hot dog, gotta let them ride that wave and figure out if they’re gonna sink or swim on their own” and act all blasé about it. He needed to talk about it with someone like Reggie who, just like Alex, was in the unique position of being friends with Flynn and Carrie (which meant knowing just enough about Julie to have an idea of exactly why she would be so appealing to Luke) as well as being one of Luke’s brothers (which meant knowing him better than he knew himself sometimes). Together, they might be able to figure out if the two would be like oil and water or more like fire and gasoline. Reggie was the only person who could have that kind of discussion with him, so yeah, they were doing this.

Alex made quick work of cleaning off in the shower and switching his work clothes for sweatpants and an oversized hoodie. Reggie was still waiting on the couch, staring at the tv but not actually watching whatever was playing out on the 32-inch screen. He had managed to change out of his clothes and into some Star Wars themed pajamas though. Alex skirted around the couch edge so he could press a quick, reassuring hand against Reggie’s scalp as he made his way into the kitchen. Reggie’s eyes moved away from the screen to track his movements. Alex might be the one with anxiety, but Reggie needed more reassurance when it came to things that might end with his family falling apart in one way or another. Alex wasn’t about to let him get so worked up that he convinced himself this would be catalyst that ruined everything.

“Honestly, Reg, what are we even supposed to do here? You know he’s gonna keep seeing her no matter what we say.”

Alex tried to open the conversation gently, eyes fixed on his bowl as it revolved in circles inside the microwave. Reggie didn’t answer at first, not until the beep of Alex’s food being finished rang out in the small apartment. When he did speak, he sounded partly apologetic and partly resigned.

“I don’t know. I know I probably should have said something after last week but...he just seemed so happy. I didn’t wanna mess it up for him. But last night was weird and it didn’t feel good. I’m worried Luke’s on a one-way path to destruction and I don’t know if it’s gonna be because of Julie or because of Flynn.”

Alex tried not to let his face fall into his freshly warmed bowl of pasta as he pulled it from the microwave. He really, really did not want to think about the ways that Flynn would rip Luke to shreds when she found out what had been going on behind her back. He had learned two things about the pint-sized firecracker in the year or so that he had known her: don’t mess with Carrie and don’t mess with Julie. Luke had already kinda fucked up on one of those counts. He wasn’t super thrilled thinking about what her reaction might be when she discovered he had been messing around with the second one, and in a much bigger way, too. He turned to face Reggie, forced himself to soften his own anxiety when he caught sight of the nerves etched out in harsh lines across the bassist’s forehead. Deep breath in, deep breath out just like his therapist had taught him.

“Flynn is gonna react however she’s gonna react. We can’t control that. She’s gonna have Julie’s back no matter what so all we can do is watch out for Luke.”

Reggie was nodding along in agreement, features smoothing out now that there was something of a plan for him to follow. Alex swung himself onto a barstool, bowl in front of him as his mind turned over and over all the millions of ways this thing between Julie and Luke could go south. Reggie moved off of the couch, hesitating for just a moment before he walked over to lean against the island in the kitchen where Alex was doing his best not to spiral.

“I think he likes her. Like...like likes her.”

Reggie’s voice was quiet, like he was sharing some secret he had been sworn to silence over. Alex turned to look at him again, not entirely sure he wanted to believe it.

“Dude, we’re not in middle school. You hook up with people all the time and it never means more than a night of shared passion. Luke can do the same thing.”

The look Reggie leveled his way was nothing short of disbelieving, eyebrows raised so high they had practically disappeared into his hairline. Alex kinda had to hand it to him there. He didn’t really believe Luke actually could pull off a casual relationship, especially not with a girl like Julie who probably set every single one of his musical nerve endings on high alert. Reggie and Luke weren’t the same in that manner. Reggie wanted to give love and receive it in turn without any reservations or worries about the intent behind it. Just two people meeting in a mutually beneficial exchange and then moving on with their lives to find that again with someone else. Luke’s love was deliberate, a commitment. There was no way whatever he was doing was casual.

“Okay, okay. Put the eyebrows away already.”

Reggie’s face relaxed into something less concerned and more exhausted. Alex felt that all the way to the depths of his soul. Generally speaking, Luke was pretty exhausting. And he was even more exhausting when he wasn’t taking care of himself in order to take care of someone else, in this case: Julie. Alex scooped up his bowl of pasta and tucked an arm around Reggie’s shoulders, guiding both of them to the couch. The tv was still playing something Alex couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to, but the low hum of voices in the background made the apartment feel a little less cold and quiet. Alex shoveled a bite of pasta into his mouth, chewing slowly and deliberately before he turned to face Reggie once more.

“Look, we don’t actually have any control over any of this shit. We know how Luke is, and we kinda know what’s up with Julie, but we can’t stop them from interacting or scare them off from each other. As much as it sucks, I think we gotta just ride this one out. And if Luke gets hurt, we’ll be here to patch him up and love him through it.”

Alex blinked in surprise, not actually sure those words had just come out of his mouth. By the way Reggie was studying him, he wasn’t sure the other boy could believe it either. Then, Reggie’s lips curved into a knowing smirk.

“Willie’s been rubbing off on you. All that therapy and go with the flow shit. You’re like a whole new drummer boy.”

Alex guffawed and reached over to shove Reggie playfully, being sure to keep his now empty bowl clear of the scuffle. Reggie ducked around his outstretched arm, sneaking under to poke at Alex’s side in a way that had him twisting and nearly falling off the couch.

“Jeez, Uncle, Uncle! Fuckin hell, man, no need to go straight for the tickle spots.”

Reggie huffed out a laugh, collapsing back into the couch next to Alex. They sat in comfortable silence for a few moments, the only sound the canned laughter and predictable lines of the tv show.

“Hey, Lex?”

Alex hummed and rolled his head to meet Reggie’s eyes.

“Do you ever wish you just like...didn’t care so much about everything?”

Alex’s laugh echoed above the sound of the tv. He leaned into Reggie’s side, letting the familiar comfort wash over him.

“All the time, Reg. Literally, all the fucking time.”

[cortanaaq]

Hi! Can I request for a scenario with tbz hyunjae where you're secretly dating him, he couldn't control himself and get intimate with you and almost got caught in the company? Tysm! 

Here you go! i hope you like it>>

[4:56 pm]

The music was loud and the bass was vibrating in your whole body as you watched the 11 boys dancing to their own song, following the choreographer’s instructions and movements. You were sitting with your legs crossed on the bench from The boyz’s practice room, playing with your shoelace when you caught Hyunjae’s eyes. Those dark brown eyes were watching you from the mirror in front of him when he managed to smile. Hyunjae seemed like he was dancing with more passion now, wanting to show you how good of a dancer he was. So you chuckled, moving your hand under your chin to observe him and to show him that you were focusing on him only. 

After the boys took a break, Younghoon and Sangyeon took their towels that were placed next to you and you handed them two bottles of water. You turned your head smiling when you heard you cheeky boyfriend calling your name 

“Ah baby, would you rather take care of me or them?”, he asked , then decided to rest his head on your shoulder. He moved his arm around your neck and placed small wet kisses on your skin. 

You gasped a little before pushing him away, then laughed nervously.

“Hyunjae, you said no touching or-” you stopped, placing a hand on your neck where the black haired boy kissed you. “-or kissing in front of the staff”

He groaned in frustration and sighed loudly while rubbing the towel on his head. You looked at him with sad eyes because the only ones that knew about your relationship were the boys. When you two met, they had just debuted and he was forced to keep his relationship hidden, not only from his new fans but also from the company. You promised to keep it very lowkey and to act like friends around them. But this time, you both were stressed and frustrated that you needed to control your ‘needs’ in public.  

You started rubbing his hand behind the bench, reassuring him. But an idea struck both you when you turned to look at each other. Hyunjae was probably thinking the same things as you so he lifted you up and chuckled. 

“Why don’t you wait for me in the changing room? Tell the staff i sent you to bring me my jacket. I’ll be there in 5. “

You took few moments to process his words then laughed but it was a good idea, you admitted. After you left to the changing room, telling the staff exactly what you’ve been told and entering it, you looked around only to see the mirrors in front where the idols did their make-up and the dressers where the clothes were hanged. You took a closer look to hyunjae’s stage outfits and smiled. 

You heard a bump in the door, making you jump a little and then you turned to see a sweaty but excited hyunjae closing the door silently behind him. He looked up in your eyes and started laughing because he thought it was silly, knowing there was a big chance for you to get caught. 

You made few steps towards him, looping your arms around his neck and getting softer and calmer in his embrace. Hyunjae removed a strand of hair from your face, placing it gently behind your ear then kissed your lips without hesitation. Your lips were moving with delicate movements on his and your hands made way to his hair. The boy took your thighs in his hands and lifted you up only to place you on the counter in front of the big mirror. He put the make-up that was lying there aside to make you sit comfortable as he continued to kiss you, this time hungry because he wanted to touch you so bad. To feel your warmth around his body and to taste those cherry flavored lips. In the shadows, only your heavy breathing was turning hyunjae on, making him squeeze your thighs and pulling you closer to feel the bulge that was forming in those gray sweatpants. You knew he wanted more so you decided to switch sides, this time your insisting mouth parting his wet rosy lips and your tongue slipping shamelessly into his mouth. You both felt dizzy and for a moment, you thought you can’t have sex in the changing room but he couldn’t care less. Hyunjae roamed over your body, pressing his hands on your hips, moving them up to your chest. He massaged your breasts gently but looked into your eyes asking for your permission. Before letting him ask a word,you took one of his hands into yours and made him squeeze your chest. You placed the other in between your legs, wanting to show him that he can take it to the next step. 

But instead of that, hyunjae stopped suddenly. You were confused about his reaction and placed a hand on his cheek to draw his attention back to you but then you both heard the door ,cracking open. It was one of the make-up artist, mumbling to the person she was talking to, to wait for her because she forgot something.

Your quickest reaction was to jump from the counter and to drag hyunjae faster behind the clothes that were hanging in the back of the room. You both held your breath and felt your hearts bursting out of your chest, watching only the woman’s legs walking around the room. She stopped in front of the mirror, asking herself why all the make-up was left messily on the counter. But because her working time was over, she hummed, grabbing her stuff, telling to herself she’ll deal with it the next day.

After the woman left,you took a deep breath closing your eyes and leaning against the wall behind you. Hyunjae was silent for few seconds only to burst into laughing next. 

“What- Why are you laughing??” you punched his arm but he grabbed your waist to pull you closer to him,still laughing this time into your shoulder. 

“I think you should talk to the boys to leave for bbq tonight...That way we can finish what we started”, you mumbled the words,feeling like the mood was ruined. Hyunjae looked up at you and bit his lip holding back a big smile. 

“Yeah sorry,it was.. That was too close and i haven’t been startled like this before. But you know what they say, anything that gets your blood racing is probably worth doing it. ”

He came closer to your ear, biting your lobe naughtily. “Don’t worry baby, i can give you more than what we did here.” ,he added then kissed you short and hard on the lips, leaving you speechless, but with a dumbfounded smile.

taglist: @peachyhan @ncteamwang **whoever wants to be tagged in my list,let me know😌

[timextoxhajima]

fic writer tag ^^

tagged by: @haechanhues and @sankyeom <3

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

bts w1 and exo are the only two groups i wrote for before that i don't write for now heh

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

tbz, skz, enha, atz, occasionally txt, day6 and nct

3. how long have you been writing?

i used to draw my own comics and write them do those count lol i started at like 8 or 9 i believe. my teacher found out and she wrote it into my report book at the end of the year and said i was creative lmao

4. on which platforms do you post your stories

i have a bunch of published work on aff and a bts fic hit 600 subscribers so that was fun. definitely not tumblr.

5. what is your favorite genre to write?

slowburn angst is my fav. i think i have some magic talent for writing a slowburn romance that ends up in flames HAHAHHA i mean, as exhibited in hostis and lmll, though the endings are vastly different

6. are you a pantser or a planner?

depends. for hostis i was a pantser LMAO i wrote and published it as and when i liked to. i could post a chapter without having begun on the next and somehow I'll still get it out in the next 4 days.

for lmll i finished it WAY before hand and by the time i published c15 i was already done with the epilogue.

for my other non-series pieces i just think of a plot that i buy and i can see in my head then i throw in a song or a playlist to guide the vibes of the fic before i start

7. one-shot or multi-chapter?

ok i personally LOVE writing multi-chapter because it helps with building suspense and keeping readers waiting for the next chapter etc, and i have more time to plan/more opportunities to make time gaps or time jumps without making it awkward. like i don't think i could've written lmll which had a plot timeline of about 4 months in 1 chapter.

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

i think if it fits the vibes and gets the accurate idea out then all's good

9. what is your longest published story?

no clue. it's either hostis or lmll because they were both 20 chapters. i have a w1 fic that crossed 10 chapters, an nct fic that crossed 190 pages on word doc (in which idk how many words that is), a few bts fics that are also of comparative length. honestly idk lol.

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?

i really love writing fantasy honestly and slowburn angst honestly. i grew up watching stuff like winx club, teen titans, harry potter as well as horror movies like IT. my dad and i are also avid watchers of the dc/marvel franchise and I'm lowkey obsessed with the idea of people having powers and abilities so this explains works like atlantean, siren, the sinister seven, the enigmatic eleven. i loved working on spiderman juyeon.

i loved writing lmll too (over hostis WOOPS) because i just bought their relationship so much more than the one in hostis WOOPS X2 and i was particularly proud of myself for making my readers sob in the last 3 chapters of lmll. some of them cry around the mid point too because that's when my tsundere oc starts opening up :")

11. favorite request you’ve written and why?

this one.

would you believe me if i said i didn't know what to write right off the bat LMAO but it ended up being one of those fics that i go back to to read the tags in the rbs and the feedback

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?

a lot of angst. unrequited love that's later being reciprocated. wanting to protect someone. the knawing feeling of knowing that you're about to lose someone but you can't do anything about it. obligations in career. mismatched long term goals between couples.

now that's written it down somewhere i feel like I'm giving myself a shot in the head LMAO FK THAT'S LITERALLY ME NAUURRR

13. current number of wips?

i can't even count because i don't actually know which ones I'm gonna actually work on

14. three things you have noticed about your writing?

i include actions a lot within dialogues, i find it more natural to do that since you're not a statue while speaking

i use a lot of one-word descriptives when there's like a scare scene or like a revelation. like 'blink.' 'turn.' 'he stops.'

if i want to make my readers cry, i just need some good music choices to drive my motivations.

15. a quote you like from a published story?

uh... no clue. i feel like my quotes work best given the context like- when jang won says 'love me a little less' in lmll, which is also the title, and you'll find out why she says it later on.

16. a quote from an unpublished story?

"i can't hurt you. even if i wanted to, i can't, and i won't."

[you'll need context for this quote to hit more but I'm not releasing this one any time soon]

17. space for you to say something to your readers~~

i am so so so lucky to have you take the time and effort to read my works <3 my inbox is always open for you to chat with and i won't say much here because i interact with enough of you to know that i must've done something extraordinary to receive such warm and enthusiastic responses. <3

tagging: @bbangsoonie @youshineshine @starlightjoong @yeongwvnhi @ateez-elena

[dazais-guardian-angel]

This post has been sitting in my drafts since like mid-November around when I finished replaying the game, long enough for me to write and upload a fic about some of the concepts I wrote here, what the fuck. DGS brainrot is real. But aNYWAY finally, here are my massive thoughts on Unwound Future, the golden child of the PL series. This is literally *checks* 8k words, because I can never shut up!! and because there is just SO much going on in this game at all times, so many different interweaving plot threads and funny moments and incredible, fascinating characterization, especially combined with the games that come after it; I just had SO much to say. So much analyzing and headcanons and crying galore. :’) There’s a reason this is considered the best game, and that’s why I had so damn much to talk about.

behold the incoherent, rambling, unconnected mess of a novel that I hope makes a modicum of sense under the cut:

Continuing the trend, this game has simply AMAZING graphics/art/music, with a huge uptick in cutscenes and voice acting, and I feel like the sound/music quality is greatly improved too? I love the main bgm for London in this game, never really remembered loving it before, but it’s just *chef’s kiss* and so is the song that plays in other areas like the hospital and subway

Quickly mentioning the gameplay, I really love all the minigames, and the storybooks are especially hilarious to play with putting the wrong things in the spaces to create mad libs-esque crack that makes no sense; it’s so fun lmao

The beginning flashback segment with the time machine demonstration is honestly just so funny, for so many different reasons: Dimitri droning on and on with time travel technobabble while Luke, Bill, Chelmey, and Barton represent the definitive last four brain cells. Hershel being skeptical about successful time travel after all the magical shit they went through just like a year or two ago. The way that Bill’s sprite slowly and nervously shuffles onscreen after Dimitri calls him to the stage, like omg I don’t know why that cracks me up so much but it does. Dimitri’s lowkey savage shade he’s throwing at Bill throughout this whole thing. The way Bill says “wHAT” when Dimitri asks him to help, clearly about to shit his pants. Dimitri just standing there completely unfazed as the smoke from the machine flies past him. And of course, “sOmEtHiNg’S gOnE vErY wRoNg!”

…okay but in all seriousness, am I just stupid or do they never explain how they get Bill to the underground city, like the machine CLEARLY explodes with him in it, there was no secret elevator built into the thing like at the clock shop, so…???

also the presenter’s voice is really funny lmao

Still disagree that this is the biggest mystery they’ve ever encountered, despite being near the top; Luke you say that literally every game!! so what is the truth!!

Spring’s face is terrifying as FUCK in the two cutscenes in the clock shop… why they decided to show both of them in ominous, shadowed lighting in those scenes I do not understand a;lskdl;fds

I need someone to draw a diagram of how exactly the shop looks as a giant elevator because frankly I still can’t wrap my brain around it-

THE FACT THAT WE NEVER GET TO MAKE UP WITH HAZEL IS A TRAVESTY, HONESTLY

Belle… why…… ugh

Wish they’d had “Schrader” drop a casual nod to the events of Diabolical Box; it would have been cool :’) (especially since this is Paul so he’d know about all that)

College-age Hershel is just….. the pinnacle of adorableness. someone protect him from all the pain

One of the few flaws/plot holes in the story of Unwound Future that I only noticed during this replay with more media under my belt, is the that the developers didn’t really decide on what kind of time travel they wanted to portray, or more likely just didn’t scrutinize Clive’s fake role enough when writing it. This is blatantly obvious upon the very first meeting with Clive where he desires to test Hershel to make sure he’s really him. Obviously in a closed loop scenario, everything Luke and Hershel are doing “Future Luke” should remember doing himself in his past, so a test would not be necessary; this is a major trip-up on his part that it’s very odd Hershel doesn’t notice for how smart he is, imo. However, later on when meeting “Future Layton”, Paul calls Dimitri out on this exact principle, proving that he’s not actually Future Layton because he doesn’t remember the absence of a pen in Hershel’s pocket in this moment in his past, and it’s a nice little touch that Paul, on the other hand, an actual scientist, would mention this. Back to Future Luke, though, he should know how everything goes down with stopping Future Layton, because he lived it all as a child with Hershel, which makes it even more dubious to the fact that after seeing all this, Hershel still goes dark and everything plays out the exact same way it’s portrayed in the “future” of the game; it’s the idea that destined fate can’t be changed, but the suspension of disbelief is quite high, especially since we already doubt that Hershel would ever do such a thing, knowing what kind of person he is. Of course this wouldn’t be the case in an open-loop/branching timelines universe, but since the game uses the former type with the pen argument (and something else important I’ll mention in a second), I feel like the rest of the game should have adopted this idea as well and addressed it. Because Dimitri is outed via the fact that he should have memory of things he doesn’t, so it would have been easy to simply add Hershel adding that argument into his final explanation in the bar (”my suspicions were first raised when we first met Big Luke, and he didn’t know if I was really who I said I was- [etc etc]”). Even if they didn’t want Hershel to bring this up early else the entire story would fall apart, they could simply draw attention to the fact that he notices something in these moments, like with a “...” or “Hmm”, and then he explains it at the end like I said. Interestingly enough, Clive actually addresses these concepts at one point in the game with Luke in the statue plaza: he doesn’t want to tell Luke how things play out in his future, so that… things play out the way they’re supposed to…? Even though his entire story here is that he wished Hershel hadn’t gone dark and distanced from him, and ruined the city? But then he makes the suggestion that they could instead be operating on an open-loop/multiple timelines system, where in his past he never travelled to the future, but in our Luke and Hershel’s timeline they do. This is only a hypothetical he gives though, with him seeming unsure of how things truly are, which… again, in this story he’s concocted, he should know for sure, because if he doesn’t “remember” time traveling and how everything went down, then they’re operating on different timelines and it shouldn’t matter how much he tells Luke about his future. You can definitely argue that in-universe Clive didn’t think all this through when planning his dialogue for this role (but I honestly find that hard to believe, since he’s so intelligent, and he nailed the realism of everything else to a T), but it’s obvious just that the writers didn’t think it through, because like I said Hershel really should have picked up on his blunder when they first met, as well as later when Clive is surprised to see Flora suddenly with them and didn’t know for a fact that she and Chelmey/Barton would arrive there. Since the time travel scenario in 99% of the game isn’t actually real, I don’t entirely fault the writers for not getting every single detail right… and yet, that 1% exists where time travel is real, with Claire’s situation. It’s a very isolated incident though that wouldn’t be replicated, with only her going to the future… and yet, she does return to the past again, if only for a split second before dying and thus not enough time to do anything with her future knowledge, the real thing to note here being that they took care to show that she was wearing the same outfit when she died that she gets in the future, one she wasn’t wearing when she entered the lab originally. So they DID think about some things very well, like such a minor and easily-overlooked detail here (but that blows your mind once you realize it). All this is hardly enough to ruin the game or break the immersion completely though, especially since the player is already predisposed to heavily doubt everything with PL’s “the town is a lie” track record lmao, but I can’t help but be bothered by it now after playing games like Zero Escape and watching time travel shows like netflix’s Dark, which have bootstrap parodoxes and timeloops galore looool. My friend who watched me play the game blind this time around brought up all these questions as Clive said things, as someone who didn’t know if it would end up being real or not, and so I spent a lot of time puzzling (har har) it out with her… even though it wouldn’t matter lmao.

……In short, if it wasn’t obvious, despite Unwound Future’s time travel setup being completely fake, I’m really fascinated by the notion of how it would all work if it was real. >.> …and I mean, I know I’m not the first one; monocle Layton aus are popular, after all, but I don’t really care quite as much about the allure of an “evil Layton” as I do just about how everything else would be, I think.

Because, like, lets be real? taking the prequels into account with Unwound Future’s proposed setup, the potential is endless. It honestly KILLS me that the prequels didn’t exist yet at the time of UF, because!! so many people from Hershel’s past!!! SO MANY REASONS FOR HIM TO WANT TO HARNASS TIME TRAVEL AND CHANGE THE PAST, NOT JUST FOR CLAIRE’S SAKE. FOR RANHENGELA’S SAKE. FOR LUKE AND EMMY’S SAKE. FOR HIS PARENTS’ SAKE. FOR DESMOND. listen, listen, you don’t understand how much the idea of Desmond being involved in UF’s concepts destroys me. I wrote about this in my last fic but. imagine if Desmond learned about Hershel going down a dark path for his sake and everyone else’s, just like he did. Or imagine if, instead of Hershel being the one to do it, it was Desmond himself; he’s willing to play the bad guy once again, one very final, this time definitely final, time, if it means he can undo everything that caused all of them so much pain in the first place: his betrayals, the death of his former wife, he and Theodore’s separation, their father’s betrayal, ALL of it, and Hershel would never know. When Luke first is like “oh it’s gotta be Don Paolo right” and Clive says no, i LITERALLY screamed “BUT IT COULD BE DESCOLE!!”. JUST. PAIN. And where would Randall be in this future; what would he, too, think if it was Hershel going after time travel? Imagine him trying to smack some sense into him just like Hershel does in MM, trying to tell him that despite those lost 18 years of his life, despite everything wrong he ended up doing, he’s still happy, and so are Henry and Angela. So is Desmond. And Emmy, she wouldn’t want undone those years she had with Hershel and Luke and then Aurora and Desmond, despite how sadly it ended. Just… so much pain. So much potential. I hurt :’)

and adding on to this, i love love LOVE the idea of Clive knowing about some of this stuff in Hershel’s past, in order to faithfully play his role as Future Luke. Like obviously he wasn’t in Misthallory with them all, he wasn’t on the island in ED, he wasn’t at Monte’dor, and he wasn’t on the Bostonius or at all those Azran ruins that I can’t remember the names of right now, of course he wouldn’t know the intimate, specific details of what all went down, but if there was just one npc who was in the right place at the right time at any of these locations, who knows what beans they could spill? Maybe even an ex-Targent person or something. Hell, fucking Bronev is in jail for at least a little while before the events of UF. There are possibly MANY people Clive could have gotten information from to pull off this role - he’s a reporter, he’s skilled at digging for stuff. Not to mention just reading and hearing about large incidents in the news. And this makes his character so much better because he’s admired Hershel for so long, grateful that he saved his life all this time, to the point that he asks him to unknowingly come and save him again… and he most definitely didn’t know back when he first encountered Hershel that he’d already experienced so much loss and pain as well (some of which Hershel hadn’t even gone through yet by that point), but learning about everything he’s suffered? I think it would really affect him, and possibly contribute to why he asks him for his help in the first place in UF: because Hershel has suffered just as much as he has, and he feels a connection to him, feels like he can relate to him, and wants someone who can empathize with him, and show him how to cope. All of these reasons and emotions would probably be completely on an unconscious level, but they would exist - he’d use this limited but meaningful knowledge to try to connect with Hershel more when he’s still in Future Luke mode, to try to convince him he’s really Luke, at first, but unconsciously it’d be an effort to get closer to him emotionally, which is what he truly desires deep down, until his so-called act somewhat stops being an act, and talking about these things makes his vulnerabilities start to show (again, i wrote a fic about this). This all just adds to why Hershel is the perfect person to help and support Clive - the prequels make their similarities even stronger, more than just with Hershel losing Claire, and those accidental parallels when the writers hadn’t even conceived the prequel trilogy at the time of UF are just *chef’s kiss* beautiful.

THE CASINO SCENE IS JUST ICONIC, IT’S SO FUNNY. LUKE BEING SCARED OF THE SHOOTING AND HERSHEL JUST DITCHING HIM. CLIVE’S LITTLE HOP AND ROLL BEHIND THE SLOT MACHINES. THE SLOT MACHINE GUN IN GENERAL. THE CLONE FAMILY MEMBERS FALLING OVER LIKE DOMINOS UPON BEING HIT. BOSTRO CRYING AND SPLINTERS AND LOCKJAW RUNNING IN CIRCLES PANICKING WHILE LAYMAN JUST IS LITERALLY PUSHED BACK SLOWLY WITH ONLY A CHAIR TO DEFEND HIMSELF, I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW FUNNY LAYMAN AS A CHARACTER IS TO ME. it’s just so glorious, oh my god. this series is ridiculous i love it so much lmao

Luke wanting to use the time machine though… there are so many reasons why he might want to, mainly from Azran Legacy. :’)

The statue is the worst thing ever for multiple reasons. The fact that it represents Hershel & Luke’s relationship, the two main characters, who have been through so much together and have such a strong bond that can never be broken, and how it ties into the whole Evil Layton scenario and seems to foreshadow that their bond does end up breaking, as “Future Luke” seems to be proof of (though the game doesn’t really put much emphasis on this; Luke is more worried about the fact that he’s moving away soon straining their relationship, and not the whole Future Layton thing. imo it would have been interesting to see his actual thoughts on/feelings about it, since he’s surprisingly calm throughout the entire game before the reveals happen; you can argue he just has complete faith in Hershel and doesn’t think he would ever go dark, but then why doesn’t he bring this up, insist that this can’t be true? I think he should have). The fact that as I just said it foreshadows how Luke will leave Hershel at the end of the game, something that Luke worries about later on in the game. And most of all, the biggest, worst thing it foreshadows… Hershel’s relationship with Clive. Clive had that statue made himself, put it in his giant set. He WANTS that kind of mentor-student bond with Hershel, that’s how he sees them, just from their one interaction in front of the exploding buildings… or at least, that’s how he wants to see it. He sees how close Hershel and Luke are throughout the entire game, and he yearns for that kind of bond with Hershel, too. The fact that the boy in the statue story has an illness that he eventually dies from, but that their friendship withstands… it’s probably meant to represent Clive’s insanity, that he hopes Hershel will save him from - he is Clive’s light of hope in his despair. Or, to be more accurate to the statue, even if Clive’s madness ends up killing him (which it very nearly does, and by that point he fully expects that it will), he’ll still have had those memories of that time he spent with him, and Hershel will never forget him, and that will mean something special. man though can you imagine an AU where Clive is literally terminally ill too, and that’s why he’s yolo-ing this entire thing so hard and doesn’t care if it ends up killing him in the end, at least he got to be with Hershel one more day; ahahahaha turn up the angsttttttttttttt-

Shmelmey and Shmarton do not at all look like Chelmey and Barton, smh

For everything Clive accounted for with his role and setting, he’s honestly way too rude and crass sometimes to be Luke lmao, even if you try to imagine a world where Hershel did go dark and Luke was changed by it… at least imo

the like 4 puzzles that give Clive’s solving animations/dialogue are the most serotonin-boosting things in the world

“you will come back, won’t you?” Clive asks Hershel about his trip to visit Chelmey, desperately wanting him to stop him before it’s too late :’)

Rosetta and her....... sessions....... with Hershel........ hajkkALSKDLD

Okay but Hershel is kind of dickish sometimes though, despite his whole “gentleman” thing??? There’s the elephant in the room which I’ll Get To, but like first he guilt-trips Chelmey into getting him access to confidential information about the lab explosion, and then he has the absolute balls to tell him “Bill Hawks is being held in the future” and that’s IT. No explanation, nothing else, just THAT, and then he LEAVES, after he’d promised to share every last detail with him. I don’t blame Chelmey at all for tailing them and barging in to get information himself, like damn Hershel, why so savage sometimes in not a good way

which brings me to Ranting About Flora’s Treatment, Part 3: The Finale. Y’all I literally cannot even BEGIN to describe how much the way Hershel and Luke treat Flora in UF specifically makes me seethe..... It was already bad in DB, no doubt, but in this game they are straight-up rude to her, mostly Hershel, for absolutely no reason, and I CANNOT fathom why. He constantly makes the excuse that he’s concerned for her safety, and that the places they’re going to are too dangerous for her, but it all exudes a level of thinly-veiled annoyance, even confusion as to why Flora is so upset that they never bring her along and wants to go with them at all... almost like her “frail” feminine appearance (which isn’t helped by how the games make her feel sick or dizzy or tired multiple times), compared to someone like Emmy who could fight and has more masculine traits, means she’s less capable in Hershel’s mind, which, like, even if it’s unconscious on his part... how about no?? I could accept being worried about her, even if I’m still frustrated at her being left behind, and her constant kidnapping (which isn’t Hershel’s fault, even if he probablyyy could do a better job both times at protecting her), but I CANNOT excuse how short and dismissive Hershel is with her in this damn game; it honestly borders on ooc to me for him, I don’t know what the writers were thinking; do they just hate Flora that freaking much??? He treats her like a burden the entire time, apologizes to people for her, acts irritated at having to accommodate for her, when poor Flora just wants to spend time with him and feel like an equal to him and Luke. Meanwhile Clive of all people is the first one to treat her with kindness and respect and pleasure to see her when they first meet, like when Luke bitches about Flora being excited to see the river and not taking things seriously and Clive tells him to go easy on her (Clive, the one who has been rushing them along this entire time himself). honestly can see why it’s so easy to ship them, when literally everyone else treats her like crap It’s SO depressing honestly. Flora asks them if they thought to wonder where her future self was, and Hershel is just like hhhhh we’re kinda busy thinking about... you know.... important things... sorry not sorry....... like BITCH I WILL STRANGLE YOU, BE NICER TO YOUR DAUGHTER!!! Luke at least is a kid, but Hershel??? there’s no excuse!!! Luke be like “damn I hope Becky doesn’t look down on us for leaving Flora behind... >.>” THEY KNOW. THEY KNOW IT’S NOT RIGHT BUT THEY DON’T CARE AND DO IT ANYWAY. I’M SO MAD

Beasly just gets... straight-up murdered yo... between him and Subject 3, what were they smoking when coming up with the animals in this game, jfc. Test subject animals?? that’s unnervingly dark, despite how glossed over it is and how hilarious Subject 3 is a;lksd

LUKE LOVES SHERLOCK HOLMES THIS IS NOT A DRILL. THE DGS CROSSOVER IS WAITING, LEVEL-5 AND CAPCOM. MAKE LUKE’S (AND MY) DREAMS A REALITY

the intentional zoom-in on Clive’s sinister face in front of the tower will never not amuse me, and baffle me as to why they drew attention to it lmaooo

And okay back to time travel bullshit shenanigans, WHY the fuck does Dimitri not pick up on why him not remembering about the pen is such a big deal as soon as Paul first brings it up?? bruh. bruh. aren’t you a fucking TIME TRAVEL SCIENTIST. WHY DO YOU NOT KNOW SUCH A BASIC CONCEPT THAT BREAKS YOUR WHOLE FACADE IN SECONDS. It’d be one thing if he just couldn’t provide the right answer, but no, he straight-up HAS NO IDEA WHY HE SHOULD HAVE TO KNOW ABOUT THE PEN. “HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I KNOW-” bruhhhh. Dimitri. my dude. i love you but you are actually so dumb sometimes, like holy shit (more on this later though)

Paul talking to Dimitri about his plan is really good; he has a “...” moment before telling him what he’s doing can’t be excused, like “oh shit let me jump on board, wait fuck i gotta stay in character, Layton is a wuss he would never agree to this god dammit Layton-”. jokes aside though, I’m honestly confused as to how much he actually knew before Dimitri’s exposition in the pagoda, and why exactly he goes along with helping Hershel stop him... and what Dimitri was thinking roping him into this. Because I can’t really figure out Paul’s motives here and how they changed, if they did at all. The only information we get about how he first became involved is that Dimitri was paying him a lot of money to get Hershel to the pagoda and to him - he knows that “future London” isn’t real, he knows Future Layton isn’t real, so the extent of his knowledge seems to be that “this man wants to screw Layton over somehow and is giving me $$$ to get it done; there’s no downside here, never mind this suspicious as fuck fake London and all these people that shouldn’t be here”, but then Hershel gave him more information, probably that Claire was involved in what Dimitri was doing, and his concerns about a traitor being involved if he had already begun to suspect Clive by that point, and then he suddenly decided to turn against Dimitri? Even though you’d think saving Claire would be a reason for him to want to help him...? Or did he plan to turn against him from the very start, and wanted Hershel to come because he knew he could stop all this (part of his character development)? The latter is the most likely, though I still don’t entirely understand or maybe I’m just having a brain fart, that’s very likely too. And Dimitri on the other hand, did he know that Paul liked Claire too and would want to save her (and maybe about his salt for Hershel too), and that’s why he got his help? That makes more sense... but also doesn’t, cause as I said it seems like Paul didn’t know Claire was involved until Hershel told him and then Dimitri told everyone at the pagoda, so maybe he literally just said “here’s some money, help me fuck over Layton, not telling how” and just trusted in him that much, even though Paul is an evil genius who could and does put a stop to all his plans with his machines... once again, Dimitri looking dumb....

Clive, in the most deadpan voice ever at the top of the pagoda: oh no, the prime minister is in danger, someone help him

Flora as they’re escaping the tower: “professor no please take me with you instead of future Luke” Hershel: *ignores her feelings and makes a decision for her yet again* Clive: “shhh don’t worry Flora; i know i’m going to kidnap you in like an hour but i’m just trying to rescue you from these insensitive jerks. not Don Paolo though; he’s a gentleman.”

It’s interesting to me that Luke and Hershel keep acting as if Future Luke and future London are legit even after Future Layton has been revealed to be a fake. Hershel at least probably knows none of it is real by now, even if he hasn’t exactly figured out Clive’s role in everything yet, and is just not revealing his knowledge for now, but Luke is still rolling with it... wonder what’s going through his mind by this point. again, it frustrates me that Luke really has no emotional reaction to anything in UF, aside from the statue and his worries about leaving Hershel soon and how that in particular will affect their relationship

I also wonder what Clive is thinking by this point. Now that the Future Layton jig is up, what kind of story is he going with now? We never find out because Hershel reveals everything completely the next time Clive joins up with them again, but in the (unreasonable) case that he hadn’t, would Clive have just acted like he didn’t know that Alain Stahngun was actually someone named Dimitri, who was actually pretending to be Layton, and that the real Layton was somewhere else out there that they needed to find? I don’t know WHY I’m so interested in details like these that don’t matter at all in the long run a;lksdfklfd, but I am... he tells Flora to continue the “investigation” without him, so clearly he still had something in mind, and didn’t expect Hershel to out him quite so soon after that even if deep down he wanted it

Chelmey really cares for Barton and it’s actually so sweet, oml :’)

I didn’t really praise Paul’s character development in this game enough before, but I really do love it, even if I don’t quite understand the circumstances that started it. It’s not something I would have expected with how he’s presented in CV and DB, but it’s very nice to see this be the culmination of his character, and it’s kinda sad that it feels a bit more natural than Descole’s sudden shift in backstory/character between ED and MM/AL... It’s very funny and good to see him and Luke bicker at each other, and how he seems to have a soft spot for Flora... it’s all cute. I just wish there’d been a bit more time for him to talk to them, but that’s what fanfic is for

Don’t make me have to see Hershel beaten up in the street :’(

The sprite of Dimitri standing in the bar is incredibly hot.... damn why are all the older male characters my type >.>

Alright but it’s about time I finally talk about Dimitri without dissing him for being stupid sometimes and say that in short, I love him. He might even be my favorite new character in UF, even more than Clive; I don’t know if it’s just the Liam O’Brian Tragic Sexy Tired Villain effect or what (nah let’s be real, that’s a huge part of it lmao), but he’s fantastic and utterly breaks my heart, in a much more understated way than how the game shoves Clive’s angst in your face, but his tragedy is nonetheless impossible to ignore. The flashback with young Dimitri is my favorite scene in the entire game, it is devastating and feels so cinematic, so raw and painful, and I’m glad they animated that part because it humanizes him so much more. Claire was his everything, he loved her so much, but it is so obvious to me (and to a lot of the fandom too, I think) that his love was entirely selfless - he might have been a little sad, but he was still mostly content letting Hershel have her, and when it comes to after her death, Dimitri would have been absolutely happy not being able to have her if he managed to save her life; he just wanted her to live. He was in love with her, yes, but he also loved her, as a friend, as a scientist, as a person whose time was cut far too short for entirely selfish and unnecessary reasons, and the majority of his anger and bitterness and drive came from a desire to fix such an injustice - to save an innocent person’s life. And the saddest part of him doing all this and trying to sustain Claire’s existence in the present once he finds her, if you go with the closed loop time travel theory, is that Dimitri should already know it’s impossible for him to succeed in this as long as he remembers finding her body in the past - him succeeding would create a paradox, thus, he can’t save her. But he’s so deep in his despair and obsession and insistence on preserving her life that I don’t think he ever stops to think about this - or he does, but refuses to acknowledge it. I’m sure he was incredibly sweet and kind and soft in the past, with her, and with his passion, and it’s heartbreaking to see how broken he is now, how miserable and tired he is, how much everything changed him. And wanting to get back at someone like Bill, who had it all to begin with and then carelessly used them to gain even more, well, I don’t blame him for that. >_> Not to mention his relationship with Clive, which is all kinds of fascinating to think about: the most chaotic, dysfunctional mess of a half-business partnership half-father/son relationship there is, ahaha... Both of them are unhealthy to the extreme in different ways, but with how much time they spent together, it’s inevitable they had vulnerable moments around each other... Clive is the only other person Dimitri would have around during his research to possibly grow to care about, even if it was entirely unconsciously. Learning he was using him would, well, ruin their relationship even more than it was already messed up, but maybe he would visit Clive in prison at least once, assuming Hershel was. I just crave content for them, ugh. Dimitri just deserved so much better, he makes me so sad </3 and I honestly hate that we don’t get to see him say goodbye to Claire at the end before Hershel; sure it would have utterly killed me, but surely he deserved that much...

The utter, frankly amazing, stupidity of Flora’s kidnapping has been stated everywhere, we all know it, but just.... yeah. smh

Seeing the mobile fortress be like *war flashbacks to the Detragon* “Not This Shit Again” Hershel why tf you putting Luke in more danger AGAIN???

The car scenes with the mobile fortress are, at least to me, the funniest parts of the entire game, even better than the casino, oh my god they’re AMAZING. Luke screaming and flailing his arms while Hershel deadpan flings the car towards the fortress, all the bumps they hit riding across it later on, the car just FALLING and Bill almost falling out of it, and then the plane, all the while Hershel displays no more than mild frustration while everyone else is PANICKING... “a plane? This is an automobile!” ...iconic. top PL moments ever. Luke don’t you recall the time when Hershel built an entire mini plane out of a chainsaw and a barrel in ED, come on now

Onto Claire. Claire doesn’t get much screentime, but some of the moments she does have are very good; she’s one of the best and most fleshed-out female PL characters imo, and like a lot of things, I appreciate her a lot more after this replay than I did years ago... LayClaire is a cute ship and all, but I was never really obsessed with it; rather, I’m realizing now I’m more invested in what Claire has to offer by herself. I hate to use the term “strong female character” cause that sounds so cliche... but she really is strong. The entire part with her wanting to save Clive, their conversation, and her bringing him out... god it gets me, it really does. She’s known she’s going to die for ages, and at this point in the game she knows it could be any moment now, so she has no reason to try to keep herself safe; she’s doomed no matter what, so she might as well spend the last few minutes of her life saving another life, and not just anyone: someone who’s just killed countless people, who anyone else would see as insane, who doesn’t care for her, doesn’t care if he lives or dies - but Claire is compassionate enough that, despite everything, she fiercely believes he deserves to live. Because of her own guilt and sins she believes she bears, yes, but also simply because she believes he can still change, and doesn’t deserve to die, despite the HORRIBLE atrocity he just committed. She’s just that good a person. It’s no wonder she and Hershel loved each other and were made for each other; both of them are such kind, loving, selfless people who see the best in anyone no matter what. Perhaps she hoped and suspected that Hershel would look out for and care for Clive once he was in prison, so she wanted to make sure that could happen, even if she wouldn’t be around to ever see it.

sorry I just get really emotional about this part, about the entire mood and tone of Claire desperately trying to save this kid, and the way the camera focuses on the massive scale of the fortress and how it dwarfs them in size... It’s a really powerful and melancholic scene (just like Dimitri’s flashback scene; have I mentioned how much I adore the atmosphere and cinematic direction of this game? cause god I do) with the knowledge of her real identity and circumstances, the visuals and the music are so good, ugh i just have so many feels. mom Claire hurts me </3 she’s so good... Despite the fact that she dies, and so much of what everyone is doing is because of her death, her presence in the story is so strong, and it never feels like her only purpose is to die for everyone else’s development and that’s it (unlike... well, a lot of other pl females :’); she has her own things to do, she stops the fortress alongside Hershel, and literally saves the main antagonist’s life. Seriously I just adore the fact that she of all people is the one to rescue Clive in the end even though she wasn’t at all obligated to (although I’d be interested and cry over an AU where Hershel saves him instead; it honestly surprises me that he wasn’t going to until Claire said something...), because Clive is the only character (of the adults) who doesn’t have a direct relationship with Claire, but they’re still connected by the explosion, and so it makes for an interesting and terribly sad dynamic, even if they only have a few minutes with each other, for all the reasons I said earlier. Claire doesn’t think what he did was right, but she knows what she and the other scientists did wasn’t right either - and it’s too late for her now, but it’s not too late for him; she knows he has a kind heart, deep down, and that he needs help if he wants to redeem himself. She feels responsible for him, feels like she owes him that second chance, after indirectly taking his parents from him and causing him such misery and brokenness... She’s so brave and strong-willed to be able to do and admit all that she does; I just love her. It clearly kills her to leave Hershel, I don’t think she intended at first to ever let him know who she was (hence Celeste), but she’s not too upset in the end, because she (rightly) knows that he will be all right. ;; She’s so beautiful, too... wish we could have seen her interact with so many of the other characters </3

and so my favorite “insert Descole into the main trilogy” AU is where Descole intercepts Claire and makes some sort of body for her, like how everyone headcanons that for Aurora post-AL. (or/also just mobile fortress vs. Descole robots, that’s cool too lol)

And finally, Clive, the infamous star of Unwound Future, thought I talked about him a bit already (and also in this post a few weeks ago). Clive is probably the PL series’ best written villain Anton excluded, I absolutely love him, like everyone does. Nothing really about him hasn’t been done before elsewhere, but that’s not a bad thing; when I was younger and first played the game I really only paid attention to his sympathetic side, but now I’ve also grown an appreciation and fondness for that kind of unabashedly awful, manic, evil insanity a villain like him has, it’s just SO entertaining to watch. If PL was a more mature/higher rated series I’d love to see his chaotic crazed energy played up even more, just to really hammer in how messed up he is, ahaha, but of course that would make it harder to sympathize with him..... and unfortunately, it already is kind of hard, because.... shit, the number of people he must have killed? It’s a LOT. A FUCKTON. The level of sympathy the game gives Clive and the way it presents him at the end is not at ALL relative to the astronomical amount of people that had to have been squashed to death by his machine, to the point that it honestly makes me uncomfortable, and I try to just retcon that in my head, as hard as it is to imagine a scenario where that thing could have come up to London and not hit any houses, because like..... There’s no coming back from that. He knew exactly what he was doing, madness or not, and I honestly just... don’t want him to be such a mass murderer. Maybe it’s wrong to ignore it, but the game wants me to feel sorry for him and see his potential for redemption, and his relationship with Hershel is so good... dammit game, why’d you have to show those houses being crushed. Ugh. Because Clive is so compelling as someone who feels betrayed by people in power, who desires revenge not only for himself but for all the people who suffered just like he has that he says he bore witness to as a reporter; it’s a very relatable position and a good story, for his well-meaning intentions to be skewed and lost in the midst of his rage and despair and hatred and insanity, where his very valid point of “hey people in government are fucked up and don’t give a shit about us and that needs to change” gets turned into “they all need to die even if the very innocent people I want to save get hurt by this as well”, and I really wish that whole angle of it had been played up a bit more, and there had been more of an opportunity for Hershel to reason with him and argue that in the midst of his blind need for revenge, he’s become even worse than the people who need justice handed to them (cue some Descole allusionssss). He wouldn’t have to win him over, Clive is already too deep by that point despite how much he wanted to be stopped, but just having more of that than just what happens in the surveillance room would have been sooooooo good, I love that conversation. It would have made Clive even better and really drive home that he’s 1) kinda right about some things and wants better for people 2) still very fucking wrong and selfish at the same time and has taken it all way too far 3) very fucked up and broken. Not that the third point isn’t already abundantly clear, but... yeah. It would have given him even more depth, made him more sympathetic, and helped juuust a little to offset how much the game handwaves his mass murders... just a little... One of my favorite Clive scenes though is when the fortress is breaking down and he’s still there, desperately trying to save it, still in denial about the fact that all his plans have failed and that everything he’s done (and himself) is about to go up in flames; I know everyone loves making fun of him and that that scene is pretty memeable (he does get bodied so much in the game, lmaooo), but it makes him look so vulnerable, all alone in there by himself, like a child, which is what he really is, deep down: he never truly wanted to do something so abhorrent and evil, but his emotions and mind spiraled so badly out of control and it led him to such a dark, horrible place, where he couldn’t stop himself, no matter how much he wanted to, and in the end all he can do is watch helplessly as the reality of what he’s done and his unwound future all comes crashing down in front of him, never to be salvaged. And he believes wholeheartedly that he is going to die, that he deserves to (this is my favorite Clive scene; he’s so hurt and resigned, the voice acting kills me ugh), he doesn’t understand at all why Claire wants to save him, especially if he knows she’s one of the scientists (as his line of “why are you of all people helping me” implies), because he always thought none of them ever cared about him and people he saw as like him, thought everyone was like Bill Hawks, but Claire still cared enough to want to save his life, even though she was one of the people he was actively targeting with his revenge... I wonder how he would have felt at the time if he had known about her situation and that she was dying. </3 I just want so many good things for him, as so much of the fandom does. He’s so messed up but that’s what makes him so interesting, and his potential relationship with Hershel that the ending of the game suggests could happen is so touching and lovely and uplifting, one of my favorite kinds of relationships in fiction: Clive’s issues would persist for so long, for forever, really, but Hershel would support him and help him heal, and be there for him always, no matter how much Clive would feel like he didn’t deserve it. I eat this dynamic up, I really do, every single time I encounter it in a story, and it’s made even better by the fact that as I’ve said, Hershel has so much in common with Clive, and so they would get along very well for that reason, and Clive could unknowingly help Hershel just as much Hershel tries to help him. They’re so good for each other. Add Luke too, and Flora, and Desmond...! just ahhhhh........ there’s so much goodness. Clive you absolute glorious, fucked-up mess of a character, I love you. :’) and I love fic writers who explore facets of his personality and write about him. He’s only in one game, and there’s still a few hiccups, as I said, yet he’s handled far better than Descole or Randall in my opinion (though I love them too)... just an amazing fucking villain, and character. I wish UF could have gone deeper with him than it did, but even so, the possibilities with Clive are endless. I love him, so much ;;

and some of the themes of the plot in this game, uhh, hit a little close to home in good ole’ 2020/21 time we live in? :’) #FuckBillHawks

Hershel saying goodbye to Claire.... god. One of the top scenes in the entire series, probably the #1 most iconic I’d even go so far as to say. I don’t even really ship LayClaire, but there’s an indescribable emotion that finale gives me... it’s just breathtaking, in the most gutwrenching, nostalgic, beautiful way. I still maintain that Diabolical Box’s ending is sadder than this one, for a multitude of reasons, just comparing the stories and situations the characters are in, but I 100% don’t blame people for bawling at this scene more than any other, just because of the way it’s done yes I know I won’t shut up about the cinematography; the lighting, the camera angles, the pacing of it, Hershel’s fucking kicked puppy faces, the dialogue oh god the dialogue; it ALL hits like a TRUCK and comes together beautifully. At this point in his life Hershel has been through so much loss, so much so that it is unbearable - when he cries that he doesn’t want to say goodbye again, that he can’t say goodbye again, that he refuses to, nothing in the world is more true: this man has been through too much, and he’s hit his breaking point. even if you don’t have the prequels in mind when watching this, as most people don’t/didn’t the first time through, the overwhelming sense of burden and loss Hershel is feeling is so palpable, so painful - you get the sense that this isn’t just about Claire; Hershel has never shown emotion like this before up to this point, so for him to finally break down like this... it speaks volumes. After so many years of holding everything in, he finally can’t take it anymore, and basically stabbing me in the fucking chest would hurt less </3 I complain about Hershel never showing emotion like this (never crying) in the prequels whenever he’s hit with an equally horrible bombshell, and I still feel that way, but at the same time a part of me is also glad that’s the case, because it makes the very last (two) scenes in the entire series hit so much harder, knowing that he finally loses his composure after dealing with so much. As the titular character of the series, Hershel’s development is very understated and subtle, so it’s all the more meaningful when he actually snaps, because it makes him feel so much more real and human than he ever is the rest of the time, when he maintains his facade of being a perfectly composed, calm, and together gentleman; this scene finally say that, no, Hershel is a person, and he is broken in a lot of ways, because some puzzles you just can’t solve no matter how hard you try, and it’s so sad. And this sad tone of loss and longing permeates the entire cutscene; the way the title is dropped in Claire’s dialogue (both versions equally haunting imo), and Hershel taking off his hat for the first time ever, and the pan up and transition back to show the falling snow as “Time Travel”, my favorite instrumental in the series, kicks in... y’all there is no other feeling in the world like the feeling that elicits, there really isn’t ಥ⌣ಥ ❤️💔 the only thing that might even come close to it is the ending of Azran Legacy with Surely Someday, simply because it was the ending of the series, but the ending of Unwound Future hits me harder knowing it’s the end of the timeline, and with everything else in hindsight. And then an unknown amount of time later, even with Luke gone and Hershel only having Flora there with him anymore unless we headcanon DESMOND COMES BACK BECAUSE OF COURSE HE DID RIGHT, Hershel is still no longer wearing his hat, to show that he’s finally started to heal from his pain, and accepted the loss(es), because throughout all of UF Hershel had never really gotten over Claire’s death no matter how much he tried to pretend like he had, but you don’t realize that until you see the ending, until he got one final chance to see her. I just... ugh I love it so much, so much. It means so much, for Hershel and for the series, and that’s why it makes me cry (and don’t even get me sTARTED on Luke’s goodybe, and how upsetting yet beautiful THAT is. yes, Luke isn’t a gentleman yet, and Hershel finally learns that maybe he doesn’t always have to be one, either :’’’’’’)

Unwound Future is a masterpiece. Diabolical Box has my favorite characters and story for the new characters, and favorite settings, personally, but Unwound Future is such top-tier storytelling and writing; it feels so epic and sweeping and (here i go again) cinematic, it’s so polished and everything flows so well, the pacing is wonderful, everything ties up so perfectly and there’s very little I would change Flora bitching aside and practically nothing that feels like filler, even though some of it technically is. The tone stays consistent and they really push the boundaries of how serious and heavy these games can be, and it works, and doesn’t feel silly or glossed over or too unrealistic or too heavyhanded like some of the other games are at times; the plot twists/reveals feel the least absurd and the most grounded in reality, despite still being wild, and it focuses on some really relevant stuff and themes (again, it feels really grounded and raw, and the least fantastical, which isn’t a bad thing for the other games/movie per se, but being more realistic works in this one’s favor. No one is going to have their family separated and murdered by a criminal secret organization working to unearth ancient advanced civilized ruins, or lose years of their life and memories in said ancient ruins, or have their life ruined in an eternal unaging state from hallucinogenic gas, but being screwed over by people in government who will do anything to make sure they never have to face consequences? now that’s a mood). It’s just a really fucking good game, by far the best Professor Layton game, and I’ll always stand by that, despite preferring DB just a bit more cause it hits more of my personal tastes (DB is still very good too though, don’t get me wrong), and it’s also enhanced even more by the prequels, though it stands perfectly on its own. The perfect culmination of Hershel’s character arc, and the absolute high point of the series. It’s one of the ones I keep coming back to the most, just because it has so much to offer; as someone who is absolutely enamored with near-perfect stories of this caliber, I couldn’t ask for more. ❤️

[bandzrus]

The No Fun Tour (Part 2)

The Dirt!Tommy Lee x Reader

Masterlist

SUMMARY // This is Part 2 of this one-shot here.  You’ve been working as a roadie for Motley Crue for a number of years because of your interest in the music business and family connections with Doc.  The boys are touring with Ozzy and things are looking promising for them, but they’re under strict orders to keep the shenanigans down or else their deal with Elektra Records is in jeopardy.  After Doc assigned you to watch Tommy for a night and you woke up wrapped in his arms, you’re starting to realize you have more feelings for the drummer than you thought.  Ozzy’s wife Sharon has also been cracking down the on the boys, leading them to nickname the tour the “No Fun Tour”.  You’re still on babysitting duty for the band, but you’ve decided they can have a little fun just for one night.

NOTE // oml I can’t believe you guys liked this one-shot so much!  It’s the first one I’ve ever written, I was lowkey only expecting a couple of likes, not a whole bunch of comments saying to write a part 2! My requests are still open if you guys want me to write other stuff btw.

WORDS // 4006

TAG LIST // @brooklyn-antiques @queens-rose-garden

***

You were surprised Tommy kept his mouth shut after what happened.  None of the guys could be described as humble, so you were surprised he hadn’t bragged to Vince and Nikki about you sleeping in his bed.  You were thankful though.  If Doc ever found out, you’d probably be fired because your position as roadie would be compromised.  You were content to act as if nothing ever happened, and it seemed like Tommy was at least on board with the idea.  The week continued as usual, moving from hotel to show, you carrying instruments back and forth and doing booze runs for the band.  Things were still rocky with Elektra Records; the one smooth night at the hotel hadn’t solved that just yet.  Doc was hoping to finish the tour with minimal damages, and Ozzy’s wife Sharon seemed to share his passion for keeping the band from having any fun.  She’d police Motley Crue around like she was their mother, and while you were glad there was less work for you to do, it was obviously taking a toll on the band.

              Nikki was even grouchier and angry than usual, Vince kept claiming he had blue balls, Mick was sulking, and Tommy wouldn’t stop whining to you.

              “We’re out of booze again,” the drummer grumbled, letting the last couple drops of the gin bottle fall onto the table of the bus.

              “That’s your second bottle, Tommy.”

              “So?”

              “Maybe try being sober for once?”

              Tommy crinkled up his nose.

              “This really is the No fucking Fun Tour.  Can we pleeeeease go out and get something?  At least a pack of cigarettes?  Vince stole mine,” he said.  You rolled your eyes and put a hand on your hip before turning to the driver.

              “How much longer until we get to the hotel?” you asked.  Doc looked up from his newspaper and raised an eyebrow.

              “Mmm maybe ten minutes?”

              “Thanks,” you said, turning back to Tommy who was giving you his signature pout. “Can you wait ten minutes?”

              “No.”

              “Too bad.”

              The drummer let out a huge sigh and chucked the bottle across the bus where it thankfully landed in a pile of dirty clothes and didn’t smash.  You really didn’t want to be cleaning glass off the floor right now.

              “Would it make you feel better if I agreed to go out and get cigarettes with you once we get there?” you asked, sliding into the booth opposite Tommy.  

              “Only a little.”

              “I’ll take that,” you said, leaning back against the window and propping your feet up on the table.  Tommy gave you a funny look.

              “What?”

              “Shouldn’t you be like… I don’t know, doing something around here?” he gestured around the bus vaguely.  

              “Like cleaning up after you guys?”

              “Yeah.”

              “I already picked up all your guys’ shit from last night this morning and I can’t do laundry until we get to the hotel, so no.  Now that Sharon’s around you guys are so much easier to manage,” you smirked, knowing that mentioning Sharon’s name would piss Tommy off.

              “I can’t believe Ozzy puts up with that bitch,” the drummer muttered darkly under his breath.

              “It would be like if one of us married Y/N,” Nikki agreed, sliding into the booth next to Tommy.  You tried not to flinch at his comment.  Had Tommy said something to Nikki after all?  Or were you just being paranoid?  Whatever the case, Nikki didn’t seem to notice your movement.  The dark circles under his eyes were evidence that he hadn’t been sleeping much at all since the start of the tour.  Despite how whiny Tommy was, he didn’t look nearly as worse for wear as the rest of the band.  The fact that he was shoveling less coke up his nose than usual was probably part of it.

              “God, I can’t believe I’m saying this but I can’t wait until we’re off this dumb tour,” said Nikki.  “I haven’t screwed any chics in over a week and we’re out of blow.”

              “And booze,” Tommy added.

              “Fuck, are you serious?”

              “Yeah dude, and Vince has my last pack of cigs.”

              “This is the worst fucking tour ever.”

              “Well we can at least get off this bus in about five minutes,” you put in.

              “Thank god.”

                Thank god was right.  Even you were starting to get sick and tired of being on the bus.  It had been a long haul between stops, and with the boys less wasted and high as usual, there wasn’t much to keep you busy.  When the bus pulled up outside the hotel, it took all your skills to stay out of the way as the band pushed and shoved each other out the door and out into the parking lot.  Following after Doc, you sidled up next to Tommy and waited for Doc to give his speech.

              “Alright, you’re rooms 508, 509, 510, and 511.  I’ll be down the hall in 504 if you need me.  I don’t think I have to tell you boys that if anyone so much as lights a match or thinks about throwing anything out the window, we’re back on the bus. Elektra is on my ass about our budget, and you’ll be back on the street if you screw this up.”

              “Finally no fucking babysitters,” growled Nikki.

              “We’re still going into town, right Y/N?” Tommy leaned in to you.  

              “Yes,” you promised, patting his shoulder like a cliché parent.

              “What’s this about going into town?”

              Vince’s blond head popped up from over the drummer’s shoulder.

              “Town, what?”

              All four boys were around you in a second looking like a bunch of starving puppies.  You couldn’t say no to them if you tried.

              “I’ll call a cab,” you said.  You left Doc and the boys out in the parking lot as you asked the receptionist to call a cab for five.  You glad when it showed up in less than five minutes.

                Squeezing in like a pack of sardines, you were wedged between Tommy and Nikki because Vince had snagged the front seat and Mick was giving death glares to anyone who threatened to go in the back with him.  You were once again very thankful that neither Tommy nor Nikki wreaked of alcohol, cocaine, cigarettes, piss, and hairspray yet today.  They would by the end of the night, but that you were used to.  Letting the driver know to take you to the nearest gas station, you settled into your seat, folding your hands in your lap.  You cast a glance up at Tommy when his hand bumped yours.

              “What?” you asked him.

              “Nothin’, just trying to get comfortable in here because somebody doesn’t want to share,” answered Tommy, looked over his shoulder at Mick.

              “I don’t want your chicken legs back here, drummer,” said the guitarist, flipping Tommy off.  Tommy stuck out his tongue and turned back around, letting his arm fall around your shoulder.  You hated to admit that it felt nice.  Usually it was you making the physical contact with Motley Crue, whether that was helping put on makeup, adjusting outfits, patting them on the back, or holding their hair.  It felt good to have the gesture returned in some way.  Nobody else could tell since you, Nikki, and Tommy were so squished together, but you leaned into the drummer.

              It was only a seven minute drive to the gas station, and it was just as much of a hassle to get the boys back out of the cab as it was to get them in. Jostling to be the first in the door, the little bell on the gas station door signaled your entrance.

              “Tommy, pick me up some cigs,” Nikki said, following Mick towards the alcohol at the back of the store.  Vince was about to follow them when he spotted a leggy brunette in the chip aisle. You knew you’d be waiting an extra few minutes for the singer to rejoin them in the cab.  Letting out a breath, you and Tommy made for the counter to inquire about smokes.

              “Uh, how many of the Marlboros do you have?” the drummer asked, pointing for the cashier.

              “Two up here, but I think I’ve got more in the back.  Give me a minute?”

              The two of you nodded.

              “Want anything, Y/N?”

              “Come on Tommy, you know I don’t smoke,” you said.  “I’ll drink whatever you guys pick out, but I draw the line at lung cancer.”

              “You’re a better man than I,” teased Tommy.  “But smokes aside, do you want to talk about the other night?”

              “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you lied, running a hand through your hair.  

              “The other night at the hotel, and just now in the cab.”

              “We’ve been to lots of hotels, drummer,” you diverted.  This was going to be the start of a very awkward conversation and an even more awkward relationship that you didn’t want to happen.

              “For the record I wasn’t trying to get in your pants, I just didn’t think you’d want to sleep on the floor in those pants.  You’re the one who destroyed the pillow wall.”

              You let out a huff of breath and faced the drummer.

              “You were hogging the blankets, but it was stupid and I shouldn’t have done it. I’m your guys’ roadie, I’m not just some chic you can hook up with and dispose of whenever someone prettier comes along.”

              “Can you at least admit that you enjoyed it?” Tommy asked.

              “And if I do what does that mean?”

              Tommy was about to answer when the cashier came back with a box.

              “Seven please,” the drummer told him, reaching into his back pocket for cash. He gave you a look as he handed over the crumpled pills and grabbed the cigarettes off the counter.  The two of you waited by the door until Nikki and Mick finished loading cases of booze into their arms and paid as well.  As you had guessed, everyone else was loaded into the cab before Vince finally reappeared, hair looking a little more disheveled then when he had gone in and with a lipstick stain on his collar.

              “I should tell Sharon,” joked Nikki, punching the blond in the arm. You and Tommy both snickered from the back seat as Vince got in the cab.

              “Don’t you fuckin’ dare,” he warned, adjusting his collar to hide the lipstick.  Divvying up a six-pack of beer between you, Nikki leaned over the seat to you and Tommy.

              “You grabbed my cigs right?”

              “Got ‘em right here, man,” Tommy replied, handing over three of the packs to the bass player and taking a sip of his drink.  You were struggling to get the cap off; usually you had a counter or something to help.

              “Need a hand?” asked Tommy.

              “Yeah,” you admitted, handing the bottle over to him in defeat.  Not breaking eye contact, you watched the drummer pop the cap off with his teeth.  Giving you a big grin he handed the bottle back.

              “Very subtle,” you said with a laugh.

              “It impressed you, didn’t it?”

              “Impressed isn’t the word I’d use.  Maybe entertained?” you replied cheekily.  “The only thing impressive about you guys is how stupid you can be.”

              “Oooo ouch Y/N, harsh!” winced Nikki, him and Vince turning around to join your conversation.

              “Yeah, but I’m not wrong though,” you said.

              “If anyone other than you said that about us I’d bash their friggin’ skull in,” Vince commented, sipping on his beer.

              “She is mean, isn’t she?  Almost as bad as Sharon,” said Nikki.

              “Cuter though,” Tommy defended, patting your thigh affectionately.  Part of you didn’t want him to lift his hand.

              “It’s like having an annoying sister,” Vince concluded.

              “You guys would be so dead without me.”

              They totally would be dead somewhere in a ditch without you and Doc. Mostly Doc, but you’d like to think you’d helped Motley Crue a lot too.  You’d been travelling with them for years now, helping them get ready for shows, interviews, music videos, everything.  You could tell if one of them was about to puke way before it happened, and you could handle all of them pretty well when they were drunk and or high. Even though your job was supposed to be just loading and unloading equipment, you had taken up the roll of babysitter long before Doc suggested it.

              Taking a long swig of your beer, it was only a couple more minutes before you were all back at the hotel.  Pushing and shoving each other, you found Doc in the lobby still, waiting.

              “Hey, Doc,” you called, giving him a wave.  The four boys were trailing behind you guffawing about something.

              “I see you found what you were looking for,” Doc said, gesturing at the armfuls of booze the band was carrying.  He didn’t look amused.  

              “I’ll make sure they make it to their rooms,” you promised, putting an arm on Tommy’s shoulder and leading them all towards the elevator.  This hotel was fancier than the last one you had been at, and the elevator was made of glass.  Herding Motley Crue inside, you pressed the button for the 5th floor.  The sight that met your eyes when you turned around was one you should have seen coming. They were only one beer in, and they already had their pants down with their asses up against the glass, mooning everyone in the lobby.  You put a palm to your face and shook your head.

              “You guys are fucking ridiculous,” you muttered.  They were all laughing hysterically and looking over each other’s shoulders at the started on-lookers.  You couldn’t help but laugh a little yourself.  They were wild, but you loved them.  When the elevator arrived on the fifth floor, you gave them all the keys to their rooms.

              “No babysitting tonight, but you heard what Doc said earlier.  If there’s any kind of mischief, you can kiss your record deal goodbye,” you warned, slapping the room keys in each of their hands.

              “Yeah yeah,” promised Nikki, shooing you away with his free hand, the other clutching the almost empty beer bottle.  Waving goodbye, you watched them all go into their rooms, and when you were satisfied they were staying put, you went back to the lobby to join Doc.

                He wasn’t reading a newspaper anymore, but instead had a series of spreadsheets and notepads sprawled out over the table.

              “Can I help with anything?” you asked, raising an eyebrow at one of the complicated looking spreadsheets.  

              “A coffee would be nice,” Doc replied, scribbling something and pulling out a calculator.  “Trying to figure out how we’re going to make any money off this tour is proving more difficult than I’d like.  Everything is just going straight to damage claims.”

              “I’ll get that coffee,” you said, giving him a reassuring smile.  Doc was a real trooper.  You knew firsthand that managing Motley Crue was no easy task.  Wandering into the breakfast room of the hotel, you spotted the coffee bar.  Black with one sugar, the way he always like it.  You grabbed a cup for yourself as well before you walked back to Doc and handed him the cup.

              “Thanks, Y/N, you’re a saint.”

              “I try,” you smiled, sipping.

              “The boys give you any trouble?”

              “Nothing out of the ordinary.”

              “It seems like everything went good with Tommy the other night.”

              You choked and spat a little of your coffee back into the cup.

              “Sorry?”

              “Well he didn’t cause any trouble so everything must have gone well,” Doc said.

              “Oh… yeah, everything was fine.  We watched TV.”

              “Yeah, he mentioned something about Gilligan’s Island to me.”

              “Did he mention anything else?” you asked, worrying that Tommy might have said something else to Doc.

              “Nope, that was it.”

              You let out a sigh of relief and took another sip of coffee.

              “Only a few more weeks of this tour, right?”

              “Yep, thank god.  I don’t know how much more of their bitching I can handle.  I’m surprised they’re not at each other’s throats yet,” muttered Doc, rubbing his temples and exchanging his pen for the cup of coffee.  “You’ve been a real help, especially with Tommy.”

              “I really don’t know why you think Tommy listens to me more than anyone else,” you said, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

              “He’s got a bigger heart than the rest of them.”

              “And what does that have to do with anything?”

              “He’s got a bit of a soft spot for you.”

              “Did he tell you that?”

              “Nikki told me.”

              “Ahh,” you sighed, taking another sip of coffee.  So Nikki knew something was up between you and Tommy, at least as far as Tommy’s end was concerned.  People had started nick-naming the two of them the Terror Twins, so you shouldn’t have been surprised Nikki knew more about Tommy.

              Absorbed in your coffee, you and Doc hung out in the lobby for a while. The peace and quiet was nice, since you didn’t get it very often anymore.  You read through a bunch of magazines, and then around 9pm you decided to go check on the band.

                Mick was lying in bed with his eyes closed and his hands crossed over his chest, looking very much like a gothic ancient Egyptian mummy.  You didn’t think he was asleep because his guitar was on the bed next to him and some papers were scattered around.  He’d probably been working on some new material.

              Vince’s door had the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on it, but that wasn’t enough to stop you.  It was the not one but two female voices from inside that made the decision to keep the door closed very easy.  You’d walked in on enough of the blond’s sexual escapades to know what kinds of sights would greet you on the other side of that door.

              You didn’t hear anything from Nikki’s room, which surprised you a little, so you checked inside.  No Nikki, just a bunch of empty bottles and his base.  His jacket had a new rip in it, and wherever he was, he was barefoot because his boots and socks were near the window.  Great.

              There was a shout from the room next door, Tommy’s, and you mentally braced yourself for whatever was coming next.  Letting yourself in, the first thing you saw was a half-naked Tommy with a tie around his forehead.  Where the tie had come from you had no idea.  Nikki was cackling away on the bed, a vodka bottle in his hand, mostly empty.

              “For the love of god, you two, what’s so funny?” you asked, closing the door behind you and assessing the rest of the damage.  Nothing seemed to be broken yet, but most of the bedding was on the floor and the sink was running.

              “Tommy thinks he does a good Elvis impression,” chuckled Nikki, taking a long swig out of his bottle.  Tommy also had a bottle in his hand you noted, and there were about a dozen more littering the carpet.  You shut the sink off.

              “Come on Tommy, do it again for Y/N!” begged Nikki before collapsing into hysterics again.  The drummer gave you a big goofy grin and cleared his throat before beginning to sing the lyrics to Hound Dog.  

              “You ain't nothin' but a hound dog

              Cryin' all the time

              You ain't nothin' but a hound dog

              Cryin' all the time

              Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine,” he sang.  He was certainly no Elvis, but it was funny none the less.  You were halfway through laughing yourself when you caught the tell-tale sign that Tommy was about to puke.  

              “Tommy,” you said.  “Hand me the bottle.”

              “No,” he whined, lifting it above your head where he knew you couldn’t reach.

              “Give it.”

              “Noooo you have to come get-“

              One dry heave, two dry heaves, you pushed the drummer into the bathroom right before he threw up into the toilet.  While he was barfing his guts out, you slowly pulled the bottle out of his hands and put it back in the fridge.  Turning to Nikki, you let him polish off the rest of what was in his bottle then shooed him out the door.

              “Go back to your room Nik,” you said, watching to make sure the bassist made it back before you returned to Tommy’s side.  Holding his hair back, you patted him on the back.

              “This is what happens when you drink too fast,” you scolded lightly.

              “Shut up,” croaked Tommy, heaving once more into the toilet before standing up and wiping his mouth.  “I’m just outta practice.”

              “Whatever helps you sleep at night,” you shrugged.

              “This tour fucking sucks, the only thing good that’s really happened was you sleeping in my bed.”

              You paused.  You knew Tommy was very drunk right now which meant very little of what he was saying was to be taken seriously, but this seemed different than the usual drunken banter you two had.  There was a good chance he wouldn’t remember this conversation the next morning so you decided to indulge him.

              “Doc seems to think you have a soft spot for me,” you said, hoping Tommy would give himself away so you could stop overthinking things.

              “Mmm Nikki snitched on me, fuck.”

              Tommy leaned against the counter while you grabbed a plastic cup from the kitchen and filled it with water.  Handing it to the drummer, you continued.

              “So it’s true then?” you inquired.

              “Nikki was supposed to keep his damn mouth shut.  I know nothing will ever happen between us because it’ll fuck things up for you.”

              “You’re not wrong about that,” you said.  “It’s probably not a good idea for the roadie to hook up with the rock star.”

              Tommy downed the cup of water in one gulp.  He tried to walk over to the bed on his own, but he was wobbling so you steadying him with your arm.  Pulling his boots off for him, you let him roll into the middle of the bed before you threw one of the blankets back on.  

              “I never wanted it to be just a hook up anyway,” grumbled Tommy into his pillow.  “But you don’t want that, so I’ll just keep pretending I don’t feel anything so I don’t fuck shit up for you.”

              His words were muffled, but they were bringing a tear into your eye.  How long had this been going on for?  How long had Tommy had feelings for you?  And the bigger question, how long had you had feelings for him?  There was no way this had just started a week ago.      

              “Tommy,” you started.

              “I’m sorry for being an ass last week Y/N, I shouldn’t have made you sleep in my bed.”

              He looked so cute with his head buried in his pillow, hair splayed out across it. You didn’t even mind the fact that he smelled like vodka, you were used to it anyway.

              “You didn’t make me do anything,” you said, slowly letting your jacket and shoes fall to the floor.  This was one of your worst ideas and you knew it, but you climbed into bed with Tommy anyway. Wriggling into his side, you caught just a little bit of the Tommy smell you loved so much under the vodka odor. You felt him nuzzle his face in your hair and wrap his arm protectively around your middle.  You could feel his heart beat on your back and wondered if he could tell how fast yours was beating.  Part of you wanted this so bad, but the other part knew it was only going to wind up causing you trouble.  Maybe even costing you your job that you’d worked so hard for.  But being curled up in Tommy’s arms felt so good and it wasn’t long before your eyes drooped shut, the two of you almost asleep.  You felt Tommy pull you closer to him and whisper against your shoulder.

              “I think I love you.”

***

AHHHH I still can’t believe how much you guys like this I really hope I didn’t disappoint with part 2.  I have a few fics that I’ll be working on the next couple days, but my requests are still open.  Let me know if you want me to tag you in anything!

[frcsca]

Notes on Sander Driesen: Section 2, Sander’s (and every even’s) Undying love for art (kind of an essay, more like a passionate rant)

Dedicated to @depppie because she’s amazing and she encouraged me to make one of these again, so this is for u ! 💕

Making Sander the even who has the most passion for art is the reason for my existence and death..

Warning: Very personal and kind of emotional

Every even has their own unique way of creating art, Even makes films and cute doodles, nicco with his post-it notes, red strings and potion, elliot with his polaris and his animal doodles, david with his cool collages and joana with her adorable cartoons. Art is a very vital part of every even, it accentuates who they are as a person. I love how they all lowkey love art while sander is on the next level, he’s the only even who managed to finish highschool and apply to an art college to study visual arts. (A college even, who would’ve thought?)

Sander is a very determined person, if he really wants something he will not stop until he gets it, if he can do something, he will push his limits and do even better than that (all the way or no way am i right?)

His love for art in all forms is the first thing that we have in common, I thought he only take pictures (of his soulmate) turns out he has a bomb-ass taste in music and in film, he also hates (well i don’t hate him nor his work i just find it very cringy and basic, i’m sorry even i’m with sander on this one) baz luhrman like?! he also draws well too, like really fucking good, he’s like the Picasso of graphite and not to mention HE ALSO PAINTS, not only paint but also SPRAY PAINTS, oh no not just on canvases but on WALLS, yes he creates MURALS (insert spongebob rainbow meme)

And the fact that his art school is his safe place, makes me 🥺

Yes, i’ll admit, my knowledge about art is very limited, i have a normal yet a very wide range of taste in music, or as what would spotify would like to call it, a “genre-fluid”. I like photography, i think i can also take good pictures but i just don’t have the right tools or a good camera. I also write, may it be poems, stories or about some stupid and random shit like this one, and i can also draw (i think?!) but only if i’m really determined and motivated because i’m such a perfectionist that it would take me MONTHS to finish a simple sketch..

As a person who loves art, i relate to the way sander loves art, just like him, art is my safe haven, a way of coping and understanding about some things beyond my comprehension, to turn your thoughts -may it be good or bad- into something creative that you can share to other people. Art is what connects people in this vicious and secluded world, it keeps us inclusive because art reminds us that we humans are all the same, our feelings are the same, our bodies, internal and external organs are the same, unique in some ways but still the same. Art is a light of hope, to motivate us to keep seeking for a greater beyond, to put our feelings into perspective, to express our emotions into something where everybody can relate to so when they look, read or listen to a piece of art, they will instantly understand what it was trying to say.

Sander is a boy of many feelings, and he needed a substance where he can unleash all this strong emotions into something physical, he needs art to keep himself balanced and at ease, to remind himself that this, this is what you feel. When we first got a glimpse of his art studio, you can tell that art is his life, I cried like a bitch during that scene because it represents a lot of people who uses art as a coping mechanism to deal with what they’re feeling, and the fact that some people think the mural and the drawings sander made for robbe is creepy, in my opinion I think it’s very personal and sweet, dedicating a piece of art to someone is one of the most romantic gestures one can do for their partner, it’s not just pieces of drawings or a painting on a wall, making someone who’s very close to you as a subject for your art acquires a lot of effort and emotional venting, opening and allowing the deepest part of your soul to take over and express what it truly feels for that person.

Every Even struggles differently, the way they use art to express themselves defines who they are and not what they’re dealing with. As we all know, Sander has a bipolar disorder, he keeps talking about how one’s thoughts never stops and that the only way to is by dying, he often mentions death and you can tell he thinks about it way too much and the fact that maybe art was the only thing that keeps him sane hits so close to home because not that many people have a strong sense of appreciation and dependency on art, he breathes in it as if it’s the air that keeps him alive.

[lisettefoix]

#task005

001. name / age / pronouns

Jo aka Joana you’ve all graduated to knowing my full name congrats. 

22 but only for like 6 more days

she/her or they/them gender is complex fam ✌️

002. which character(s) do you play?

rn: isette, arthur, noori, mirey

have played in the past: reha, nic, rhea, ariel, andrés, bastien, anya, like a million versions of lis... maybe more? I’M A MESS

003. nationality / ethnicity / timezone

Portuguese / white / gmt

004. tell us a bit about your  ( home / current ) country / city / etc. your pick

it’s been long enough since I talked about #dickcity and a lot of the people here probably weren’t here back then so I would like to introduce you all to #dickcity aka Caldas da Rainha, a small town near the capital of Portugal whose main export is dicks made out of china or sometimes clay. 

no really. they have mugs, lil dicks with the football teams colors, dicks with their dicks out, football players with lil pop up dicks (it’s hiden behind the cloth here’s it out), just gigantic dicks (bonus boob mugs), dick dressed as a roman, medieval dick in a dick horse, this thing, ect

i don’t live there i just need people to know.

005.  favourite color / fruit / season

blue / raspberries but they’re expensive so i live on strawberries / spring or fall 

006. favourite books + writer whose writing style you admire the most

my favorite book is little women and i was supposed to go watch the movie today but a football team was playing and the best cinema here is inside the football stateum #endmysuffering.

I also really like fantasy books and my favorite author of those rn is Brandon Sanderson. also i’m a hoe for graphic novels specially SAGA & Paper Girls. 

my favorite author is a pt dude named Gonçalo M. Tavares cause he lowkey writes nonesense type of short stories. idk i love it i rec it but i think he’s stuff is only translated into french.

007. what kinda music do you listen to + any fave bands / musicians

I’m a trash music lisnter and my most lsiten too things are either disney or whatever musical i’m obssesing over that month. my favorite disney movie is the fox and the hound and i know that has no music i just need you guys to know i’m a sad hoe.

side note: watch this video and tell me it’s not mimi/gio/natalia like last year. i dare you.

008. what are you doing for a living / what are you studying?

I’m an art history major finishing that hopefully by next semester and minors are not really a thing here but I’ll be doing 4 semesters of Arabic so I’m saying it’s my minor. also hopefully want to do Ancient Egyptian art in my masters. 

009. what’s your dream occupation?

Egyptologist 🥺

010. relationship status

single like a pringle

011. coffee, tea or hot chocolate?

hot chocolate but also all three. my mom says i drink old people coffee tho cause i don’t like expresso. 

012. dream holiday destination?

I’m a history hoe so if it has some ruins probably there.

013. the thing you’re most proud about yourself

I honestly don’t care what people think of me and it’s so damn freeing ya’ll. Down side is that I’m really self critising and perfectionist so we get anxiety in this house anyway buT still.

014. tell us a bit about your family!

It’s mostly just me and my mom and we’re very close literally everyone in my closer family is either dead or a huge asshole other than my cousins and one set of uncles so like ✌️

I also have 3 cats and their names are Boneca (Doll) Cinza (Ash) and Mel (Honey) and they cute.

015. how long have you known your closest friend?

13 years goddamn - but we have this inside joke that i say she doesn’t remember me for the first two years we knew each other and her reply is always “I DON’T KNOW WHAT 5TH GRADE WAS”

016. superpower you’d like to have?

stop time. I need a break

017. celebrity you’d like to meet?

I don’t trust celebrities, but also Zendaya.

018. guilty pleasures

fries in McDonald's ice cream. sims videos on youtube. and shitty teenaged shows and movies on netflix.

019. pet peeves

we! hate! slow! walkers! also uni profs thinking dislexia makes you dumb.

020. do you have any hobbies?

procrastinating uni works by watching netflix???? jk. other than roleplaying and reading I like to draw sometimes. I also bullet journal and while that’s technically “useful” I use it to pretend i’m 5 again and color.

021. where would you like to live in the future?

Egypt. I’m trying to get into an american uni there but will my grades be enough to get me in and financial help? we’ll see.

022. tell us a story about a thing that recently happened to you! it can be a funny, scary, sad story, your pick!

my youngest cats favorite game is for me to throw her a hair tie and she plays catch with it and sometimes she just brings it over so we can play. she also washes the hair tie in her water bowl sometimes cause it got like dust or hair on it. 

anyways all she wants to do now is play catch and today she dropped the wet hair tie on my homework - it’s not funny it’s just sad.

“funny” one recently I made my arabic teacher laugh by filling in one of our assignments with hungry in arabic where it was to put our name cause it’s spelled something along the lines of “jauana” and I wanted to make a dad joke.

[johannesviii]

Top 12 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2014

The “least good” of the three best years of the 2010s. This is still a top 12. Because I can, and I will.

I know. People also call it a bad year. And I think they’re wrong.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

New job, which is the one I still have currently. Also, I discovered Doctor Who in December 2013 and you know exactly what happened in 2014 because I dived head first into the extended universe as soon as I finished New Who and I’ve never really recovered since then. The end of the year was highly stressful, with my cat being sick, my father needing a very dangerous surgical intervention, and me being so stressed out I was basically unable to sleep for days. Might explain why there’s a lot of cute songs on this list, I needed cute stuff.

That year wasn’t very generous in good albums from bands I liked. Epica released The Quantum Enigma, and it was okay, Within Temptation had Hydra, and it was also okay, and Coldplay had the very underrated (in my opinion at least) Ghost Stories, a mostly melancholic album full of bittersweet post-breakup songs. So I’m left with no choice but to declare The Birthday Massacre’s album Superstition my album of the year for 2014. They had stayed at a consistent level since Pins And Needles so I wasn’t expecting anything better from them, but boy do they delivered. Here is Divide, it’s about a subterranean world and it might be a metaphor but as you know I’m very literal-minded! Here’s Beyond, about a lady falling in love with a strange woman who might be some sort of fae or supernatural entity!! I love most of the album and there’s only one subpar song on it. I know they’ll never get a crossover hit but they’d deserve it so much. Look at the state of the world. We’re so ready for a new mainstream wave of energetic, angsty, weird music. Just bring it on.

There’s only one non-elligible song that truely pisses me off this time, and it’s Traffic Girl by Indochine, another single from their Black City Parade album. It’s about a policewoman in North Korea who has to wave and smile at non existant traffic all day long and the song presents her as a modern hero. It’s one of my favorite songs on the album and I’m so mad it didn’t make the French year-end list.

Here’s a list of honorable menti-holy shit why is this list so long

Albatraoz (AronChupa) - Riiiiiight at the limit between catchy and annoying. But it’s blissfully short.

Chandelier (Sia) - I would like this more if it wasn’t that painful to listen to, I swear.

Magic in the Air (Magic System) - Insert my usual comment about these guys and their fun & happy songs.

Un Jour Au Mauvais Endroit (Calogero) - Great music, good lyrics. It’s still Calogero and I tend to dislike how overdramatic he usually is. Not enough to ruin that one song for me though.

Je Garde le Sourire (Black M) - This isn’t the last time he’s gonna appear in this post.

Prayer In C (Lilly Wood & The Prick) - A bit repetitive but in a good way.

Budapest (Georges Ezra) - A bit repetitive but in a good way 2, the return but in a completely different genre.

The Monster (Eminem & Rihanna) - We’ve now entered the songs which I considered putting on the list, and yeah, there’s a lot of them even if this is a top 12. “Bad year for pop music”. Yeah. Right.

Addicted To You (Avicii) - This is good, and the music video is great, and I want to stop feeling emotional about Avicii. Please.

Don’t Tell Em (Jeremih) - I. Uh. What the f█ck. Okay. There’s no way I can justify this. I simply adore this beat even if the lyrics are really, really bad. It’s just visually stunning and I really wish the song itself was better.

Photomaton (Jabberwocky) - I don’t think this would have charted without the success of Kavinsky the previous year. But still. Wonderful stuff. Well deserved.

Madame Pavoshko (Black M) - This was on the first version of the list but in the end I really had no room left for it. It’s a song about a guy telling his old teacher he made it in life despite the fact she labelled him a hopeless case at school. With such a premise, it could be an angry song, but no, it’s upbeat, sarcastic and fun. Wonderful stuff.

Le Graal (Kyo) - Kyo? Wait, you mean the embarrassing emo guys from my 2002 and 2003 lists? These guys?? They were back on the charts after ten years?? And suddenly everyone thought it was cool to like them again?? Including me??? Sounds fake but okay

Turn Down For What (DJ Snake) - The last cut. Stim music at its finest, sharp, aggressive and colorful. Everything I ever wanted from a hit song.

Well, that was long. Here’s the actual list.

12 - Wake Me Up (Avicii)

US: #22 / FR: Not on the list

“So wake me up when it’s all over, when I’m wiser and I’m older” should make no sense. You can’t get wiser if you’re asleep. At least that’s what I would probably say if I didn’t feel this. There’s a lot of times in my life I wished I could be switched off and woken up a couple of years later and be like “hello I’m back, I feel better now, what did I miss”. I totally get it.

The only reason this song is so low on the list is the drop. I don’t like it very much. The rest is damn good.

11 - Boom Clap (Charlie XCX)

US: #34 / FR: #84

Boom! Boom! Boom! CLAP. That song got me after its first seconds. Love its atmosphere, very cotton candy-like, very fluffy, with a sharp voice. Doesn’t work well if you listen to it on a loop, though, and that’s the only negative thing I can say against it.

10 - Stay The Night (Zedd)

US: #94 / FR: Not on the list

This on the other hand works very well on repeat and that drop is golden. I’m afraid I don’t have anything very interesting to say about it. It stayed on my playlist from 2014 to summer 2019, though, so that’s an impressive feat.

9 - Rather Be (Clean Bandit)

US: #41 / FR: #18

Several critics I follow have commented this song is 1) mostly meaningless 2) too perfect to say anything about it and I agree. It’s also too perfect to be really passionate about it, unfortunately, but still, very, very good stuff.

8 - Magic (Coldplay)

US: Not on the list / FR: #66

You already know I don’t really like lowkey emotional songs and I also hate the first act of Coldplay’s career, so why on earth did I like Ghost Stories so much and why is Magic making me feel so emotional, you ask? Well it’s because the music itself isn’t bland. It’s lowkey but rich, dense and colourful, and it works much better than whatever they were doing before with their slow boring songs. Also, I really struggle with dramatic vocal performances on quiet emotional songs (which is why I tend to have issues with Adele’s voice on some of her stuff), and here the balance is just ideal. Soft colors, soft textures, soft voice, this is like a colorful plushie you’ve lost for years and just found in the attic and it brings you to tears. I adore it.

Also the part of the lyrics that goes “And if you were to ask me / After all that we've been through / Still believe in magic? / Oh yes I do”, that makes me want to hug someone and never let go.

7 - Waves (Mr Probz)

US: Not on the list / FR: #15

This is completely hypnotic. It’s perfect to drive, to walk, to draw. to sit on a bench and look at the trees. It’s just wave after wave of pastel colors with a good beat and it washes away your anxiety slowly but surely. Therapeutic and beautiful without ever feeling bland. Wonderful stuff.

6 - Uptown Funk (Bruno Mars & Mark Ronson)

US: Not on the list (#1 on the 2015 year-end list) / FR: #3

Everyone loved it and I wasn’t an exception. You all know it and I’ve got nothing new or interesting to say about it. A ton of fun. Love the lyrics.

5 - Sur Ma Route (Black M)

US: Not on the list / FR: #7

If you’re wondering what’s going on in this picture, the guy is parodying a lot of famous movies or series in the music video. It’s a simple but super energetic song about trying to trace your own road in life and all the problems you encounter and how you can’t always count on people you thought were your friends. It’s very propulsive and motivating and it’s my favorite song from that guy even though he made a lot of good songs. Just great stuff. Check it out if you’ve never heard it.

Speaking of being on your own...

4 - Ain’t It Fun (Paramore)

US: #47 / FR: Not on the list

I miss hearing that kind of thing on the radio and yes, I’m aware that makes me sound like an old idiot. Oh how I wish this had been released in 2010 when I just started to work, that would have been perfect. I know the song is supposed to be sarcastic with the whole “ain’t it fun being on your own” angle, but yeah, when your life wasn’t great before, it’s actually liberating to “live in the real world”, even if it sucks at times, even if it’s difficult and you have responsibilities and all.

Also the music video is super cute. Love it.

3 - Pompeii (Bastille)

US: #12 / FR: Not on the list

I’m honestly surprised this is only #3 on this list considering how much I loved this one back when it came out, and don’t get me wrong, it’s still a song I love to this day, just... a bit less. Maybe it’s because of overplay? I’m not exactly sure considering #1 was also played very often and I never ever got tired of it. And it’s well written, and it’s not every day that you hear a song about two dead people talking about the wrath of the gods after their city was engulfed in ash.

So yeah. Not sure what happened there. I hope this band is eventually gonna have another hit like this one. Bastille, more of Pompeii and less of Happier, please.

2 - Dangerous (David Guetta)

US: Not on the list / FR: #8

A few months ago I heard Memories by Maroon 5 and I was instantly filled with a truely disproportionate amount of rage for such a bland pop song. See, I love it when music uses well-known classical tunes and completely changes their context and tone, but Memories doesn’t do any of that, it’s just the Pachelbel canon with some bad lyrics on top. So yeah, it’s a pet peeve.

Dangerous, on the other hand, is a song mixing a small loop of Toccata & Fugue in D minor and it basically uses it as an ominous pseudo-police siren in a song about illegally cruising a car with your possibly criminal, possibly gangster crush and not knowing if you’re scared, in love or feeling the thrill of adventure, or all of that at once. I. Love this damn song.

When the only bad thing I have to say about a song talking about driving at night way too fast is “eh this isn’t as good as Kavinsky”, you know you’ve found gold.

1 - A Sky Full of Stars (Coldplay & Avicii)

US: #51 / FR: #9

As much as I love Dangerous, there wasn’t any doubt about what would top this list. I’ve spent about ten lists explaining how my appreciation of Coldplay kept growing over time and four lists explaining how much I loved Avicii, and this song is the best of both worlds. The first time I heard it, I was driving and, no joke, I was so overwhelmed I had to park my car to properly concentrate on the song.

One day I will have to paint this song to explain how fantastic it looks and I’d have to use purple, china blue and pink watercolor inks and basically paint a psychedelic night sky full of little lights and yeah, this is basically another of these songs that are deeply satisfying on a synesthetic level, and it joins this very select club with the blue song called “Blue”, the song full of bright flashes called “Lights” and the song that looks like gentle pulsing lights called “Fireflies”. I’m trying (and failing) to learn how to play it on the piano. I know the chords, and I suck, but I’m very determined.

On top of that deeply satisfying visual, there’s the soft vocals so specific of the Ghost Stories album, and the very simple, very cute lyrics, and I simply hear “'Cause you're a sky, 'cause you're a sky full of stars, I'm gonna give you my heart” and I die instantly. This is high quality musical fluff. Come to think of it, this list is full of it, and this is the Ultimate Fluffy Song. One fluff to rule them all.

Sidenote, considering I fell into the DW audios right when this song came out, that’s one of my theme songs for Eight and Charley. Because of course it is.

Next up: The beginning of a progressive drop in quality but you wouldn’t be able to tell considering how long this list of honorable mentions is

[a-splash-of-stucky]

how long will i love you?

Pairings: Artist!Steve Rogers x Artist!Reader

Summary: Nothing lasts forever, except, perhaps, your love for him.

Warnings: So much angst. Major character death/grieving. Language.

Notes: Written for @barnesrogersvstheworld’s writing challenge using the prompt ‘paint tubes’. Kisses are featured, though how ‘significant’ they are is up for debate (sorry y’all, I tried)

Some inspiration taken from the ‘Over and Over Again’ music video, and title is from ‘How Long Will I Love You’ by Ellie Goulding. Sorry in advance for the heartbreak, but on a separate note: I’m really proud of how this turned out.

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“You need to clean it out,” Wanda says, for the dozenth time in probably as many minutes.

“I don’t need to do anything—”

“It’ll be cathartic,” she says, “You’ll find closure, you’ll...I dunno, you’ll find those pizza socks that you’ve lost, maybe?”

“I do miss those socks,” you say forlornly.

“So, you’ll clean it out?” she presses.

“I’ll...think about it.”

—

The art studio is exactly how you’d left it, albeit with a thin film of dust clinging to every surface. That is to be expected, given that you haven’t set foot in this room for over two years. As you step into it now, you feel as if you’ve just gone back in time, to a point in your life when things were brighter, easier.

You sigh heavily as you flick on the light switch.

It’s a small, square room, with an enormous corner window. When the blinds are drawn open, sunlight floods into the place, making the studio seem much bigger than it really is. You cross the room quickly to do just that.

You rest your back against the cool glass of the window as you carefully survey the place. The room is in a state of organised chaos, with some semblance of order built into the messiness. An eclectic collection of DIY shelves and IKEA storage units housing your art equipment line the wall beside the door. Some of the drawers are practically overflowing with their contents.

A large desk has been pushed against the wall to your left and on it, there are glass mason jars with paint brushes still inside them. You know that if you were to open the drawers of that desk, you’d find all of your old sketchbooks and a few unfinished pieces of art. Larger equipment like tripods, a drying rack and easels are arranged against the wall opposite the desk. The window takes up most of the fourth wall, so you’ve put no furniture in front of it, in order to not block out the light.

It’s bittersweet, being in here.

You slowly make a circuit around the room, trailing your fingers over the paint-stained and pencil-marked surfaces. His presence fills the room, despite the fact that he has not been in here for the last two years, either. The stuff in here is as much tied to him as it is to you; both of you shared this studio, both of you used these brushes and those easels, both of you used to blast your music as you painted into the wee hours of the night.

It’s difficult enough, having to live in the home that you once shared with him without having to come in here and be harshly reminded of his absence. Nearly eighteen months ago, you moved into a studio-office downtown, so that you could work in a space whose every square inch had not been infused with the essence of his being.

You remember the times when you would open the door to this studio and see him hunched over the desk, new splatters of paint decorating his apron. His tongue would be sticking out of the corner of his mouth and his brows would be furrowed in concentration as he worked on his latest piece. Music would fill the air — something mellow and old-school, something that reminded you of jazz bars and speakeasies.

You’re torn between the urge to preserve the room exactly as it is, and clearing everything out, giving you the opportunity to start afresh.

As you perch yourself on one of the stools, your eyes land on a cardboard box balancing precariously on top of one of the smaller drawer units. You dimly remember dumping it there ages ago, fully intending on coming back to it in a couple of days’ time.

Funny how two days can so suddenly turn into two years.

You cross the room to examine it more closely. The box is exactly how you remember it, black, with the brand name written across the front in simple, clean white text. Hesitantly, like you’re afraid that something might leap out and bite you, you lift up the lid with a single index finger. The paint tubes are still inside, untouched — pristine as the day they came. There are ten of them in all.

In the grief and darkness of the last two years, you’d forgotten about them.

He would not want them to go to waste.

In a sudden burst of motivation, you drag an easel, a small table and a stool over to the window, before rooting around the storage units for a pre-stretched canvas. You grab all the utensils you think you’ll need and don your old, paint-stained apron before sitting down.

You have not put a brush to canvas for a long time, but perhaps, it is time to revisit your roots.

—

You scrub the back of your hand over your face, groaning in frustration when you realise that you’ve probably just smeared blue acrylic across your cheek.

It’s a Friday night and, while most people are ushering in the weekend with booze and parties, you’re stuck in the art department, frantically trying to finish your coursework piece in time for the Monday morning submission deadline. You’re lowkey hating your past-self for being so ambitious and/or being really shitty at time-management, but what’s done is done and your present-self must now deal with the consequences of your own incompetence.

It is at this precise moment that the door to the art studio creaks open and a broad-shouldered, blonde-haired hunk of a man walks in. It takes a moment for you to clock him as Steve Rogers, otherwise known as the guy that you’ve been crushing on for the better part of the last academic year.

He’s wearing a light-grey t-shirt, dark blue jeans and a black bomber that hugs him just right. He’s got a canvas backpack slung casually over one shoulder, and big, square-rimmed glasses perched on his nose. He does a double-take when he notices you, like he’s surprised to find anyone else here, on a Friday night.

“Uh...hey,” he says, waving a hand in greeting.

“Hey yourself,” you reply, straightening up in your seat.

Of all the times for your crush to see you, it had to be when you were wearing your least-flattering pair of sweats and had paint smeared across your cheek, right?

“You’re, uh...you’re Y/N, right?” he asks, as he slowly walks over to you.

“Yep, that’s me. And you’re Steve?”

“Steve Rogers, that’s me,” he says, stuffing his hands into his pockets. He stops beside your table and gives a cursory glance over the mess you’ve got spread across it.

“Coursework?” he guesses, jerking his chin towards your painting-in-progress.

“Yeah,” you sigh.

“Same, I got some things I needed to finish up before I can hand it in,” Steve says. “I gotta admit though, I didn’t think anyone would be in here this late.”

You frown in confusion. “It’s not that late, it’s only like...oh,” you murmur, as you look at the clock hanging over the door.

Steve chuckles. “What time did you think it was?”

“Like...maybe almost nine o’clock?”

“Yeah, and then somehow, you find out that it’s five past midnight, huh?” Steve says, nodding sagely. “Yeah, I’ve been there before.”

You smile wryly. “The struggles of being a student artist, huh?”

“You can say that again,” Steve says, shooting you one of those disarming, carefree grins. “But hey—at least you’re not alone anymore, how much longer are you planning to stay?”

“Uh…” you mumble, as you assess your work and quickly estimate how much more time you’ll need before you can pack up. “I need to get the painting done by tonight, ‘cause I need to go over some of the parts with pencil tomorrow, so...maybe another couple hours?”

“Cool,” he says, as he dumps his stuff onto the table to your left. “I’m probably staying that long too.”

“Cool,” you mutter, despite the fact that internally, you are anything but cool. You’re a nervous wreck, praying to the heavens above that you don’t make a fool of yourself in Steve’s presence.

Eh, you’ve already got paint on your face — how much worse can it get?

You covertly watch Steve out of the corner of your eye as he pulls out a set of drawing pencils and a sketchpad from his drawer and gets to work. It’s nice, having him there to keep you company. The two of you make small talk every now and then, but for the most part, you’re both focused on getting your work done as fast as possible.

Sometime after the one-hour mark, Steve brings up his Spotify account and puts some music on in the background, to keep you going for the home stretch. You’re unfamiliar with the artist, but the music is calming and bluesy, enough to occupy the silence, but not too much to make you lose your focus.

You hunker down and finish off the rest of your painting in record time, sitting back triumphantly as you appraise the nearly-completed piece. You need to let it dry before you can add in the last bits of pencil shading, and you still need to mount it into a proper frame, but you’re confident that you can get all of that done by Monday morning.

Steve finishes his work just as you start cleaning off your brushes and palettes in the sink. He comes over and dumps his stuff into the sink beside yours, before turning on his faucet.

“Productive?” he asks, raising his voice slightly to be heard over the running water.

“Yeah. But I’m really tired now.”

“Yeah, well — it’s almost 2AM, that’s kinda expected,” he says, laughing gently. “You live far from here?”

You shake your head. “Nah, just on the other side of campus.”

“Oh really? I’m near there too, I can walk you home, if you’d like.” he offers.

“No, it’s fine, I don’t wanna bother you.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah! I’m just gonna walk through all the campus buildings, I’ll be okay.”

He opens his mouth, about to press his point further, but winds up shrugging his shoulders and dropping the topic instead. You finish cleaning your brushes, then place them and your mixing palettes into the appropriate drying racks. When you turn around, you find Steve’s eyes staring directly at you. He startles and turns around quickly, the slight flush on his cheeks making it obvious that he was just checking you out.

Wait — he was checking you out?

Are you imagining things? Could it be? Holy shit.

Steve is resolutely ignoring you, focusing intently on making his brushes as clean as physically possible. You could either confront him, or live with the agony of not knowing what happens next for the rest of your life.

You decide to bite the bullet.

You clear your throat loudly to get his attention. “Is something wrong?” you ask.

He frowns. “Uh, no? Why would anything be wrong?”

“Well...you were just looking at me funny...did I forget something?”

Steve’s eyes widen in panic. “Oh! Oh, that — no, nothing’s wrong, you just...you got something on your face,” he says, gesturing vaguely with one hand. He clears his throat. “I uh...I can get it for you? If you’d like?”

“Sure,” you reply, rolling one shoulder in a nonchalant shrug.

You watch, strangely nervous, as Steve turns the faucet off, dumps his brushes into a holder to dry and wipes his palms on his jeans before stepping closer. Your breathing hitches in your throat as he gently cups your chin and brushes his thumb over your cheek in a featherlight caress. He’s close enough that you can feel the heat radiating off his body, and the warmth of his breath on your skin.

Quick as a flash, he ducks down and presses his lips to yours — a touch that is gone as suddenly as it came.

His cheeks are flushed a scarlet red when he pulls away.

“Um...sorry, I — yeah,” he mumbles.

You blink rapidly, trying to get your thoughts in order. Did—did that just happen?

“Did you just kiss me?”

His blush deepens, if that were possible. It spreads down his neck and disappears beneath the collar of his shirt — a part of you is curious to find out if he’s a full-body blusher.

“Yeah,” he mumbles. “Sorry ‘bout that.”

You chew on your bottom lip as you take in the situation. Steve’s body is still curled towards yours, and the faint, pleasant scent of his cologne fills your nostrils, making it hard to think. He hasn’t taken his hand off your cheek; beneath his palm, your skin tingles with anticipation.

It’s now or never. Carpe diem, and all that crap.

“That was...something,” you murmur, as your tongue darts out to wet your bottom lip.

“Yeah,” Steve breathes, his gaze flicking from your lips to your eyes, and back again. “It was.”

“I—uh, I think we might need to do that again. So that I can figure out what the ‘something’ was. For science,” you add hastily, as the corner of your lips quirk up into a half-smile.

His lips pull into a grin, one that threatens to outshine the sun and makes your heart do an excited little flutter. It’s a smile filled with hope and promise, and it’s taking everything in you not to lean over and kiss him stupid.  

“The start of something new, maybe?” he suggests.

You bark out a surprised laugh. “Oh, do not start quoting High School Musical at me, or this’ll turn into an impromptu sing-and-dance number real quick, I promise you that.”

Steve throws his head back and laughs, even as he leans in closer, curling one hand around your jaw and the other around the back of your neck.

“Anything can happen,” he sings, softly, and horribly off-key, his eyes sparkling with mirth. “When you take a chance.”

“You’re such a dork,” you breathe, as you surge forward and crush your lips together.

—

You’re painting aimlessly, putting paint on canvas merely for the sake of it.

Since his passing, you’ve tried to keep your distance from any and all types of paints; there are just too many memories associated with him. Painting doesn’t have the same allure to you as it once did. Instead, you’ve developed your skills in the world of digital art, favouring Photoshop and cameras and high-tech gadgets over traditional media. Between the two of you, he’d always been the more-skilled painter, anyway. Now, with you being so out-of-practice, a brush has never felt more foreign in your hands.

The colours on your canvas are disjointed and discordant, bold splashes of red juxtaposed by sickly greens and dark expanses of blue. You feel as if you’ve forgotten everything you’ve learnt; how to mix colours, how to dilute the paint to get lighter washes, which colours work well together.

You have no direction in mind, with this piece.

You’re not happy with where things are going, but at least you’re reacquainting yourself with your brushes. You hadn’t realised how much you missed their weight in your fingers, the satisfying give of the bristles as you press them to the canvas. Surprisingly enough, the muscles in your arm and hand still remember how they should move to best lay down the colour. Your fingers are covered in specks of paint and similar flecks of colour now adorn your light-wash jeans.

Despite your best efforts, this piece is becoming increasingly unsalvageable. Layer after layer of colour simply adds to the dissonance in front of you.

A part of you just wants to quit.

You can hear his voice in the back of your head, reassuring and encouraging and comforting in a way that only he could be.

Stop over thinking it, sweetheart. You’re good, you know how to paint. Don’t use your head, just...listen to your heart, paint what you love.

It clicks, then.

He’s been kept alive in your memory for so long, perhaps it is time to share his greatness with the rest of the world.

You stand up, hurrying across the room to get a fresh canvas and a new jar of water. You can see the painting taking form in your mind, with its golden tones, simple brushwork and muted palette. You push your unfinished piece to the side and position your new canvas on the easel, before dragging your stool closer and picking up a clean brush.

You have a portrait to paint.

—

You and Steve are walking down the street hand-in-hand, weaving through the throng of last-minute Christmas shoppers. It is the first holiday season you’re celebrating as a couple, and you’re excited to spend a cosy weekend at home, trading little presents and gentle kisses under the warmth of the covers.

“I fucking hate crowds,” Steve grumbles, “Everyone’s so goddamn rude.”

You laugh, threading your arm around his and pressing your cheek to his bicep, still warm despite the chilly winter air. “Let’s hurry up and get you your hot chocolate, then, before we get crushed to death by all these people.”

He grins, patting your hand affectionately. “You’re filled with great ideas, aren’t you?”

Just then, a store that you’ve never seen before catches your eye. Eager to investigate further, you tug Steve over to the shop window, making him yelp in surprise.

It’s an art supply store — a fancy one, if the decor is anything to go by. The display boasts an impressive array of beautifully-crafted easels, handmade brushes, premium colour pencils and, most notably, a Winsor and Newton 10-colour gouache paint set.

The sleek box is front-and-centre of the display. Your eyes are immediately drawn to the elegant white tubes, with the simple Winsor and Newton logo emblazoned across them. A sheet of paper beside the box holds a swatch of each colour; they look positively dreamy.

“They’re gorgeous, aren’t they?” Steve murmurs appreciatively.

You hum in agreement. “Shame you’d need to drop nearly 90 bucks to get them.”

“I’ll buy them for you,” Steve promises, turning to face you. “I mean—not now, obviously, but one day.”

You smile as you wind your arms around his torso and tip your head back to look up at him. “Yeah? Once your pieces have made it into the Guggenheim and the Tate, you mean?”

“Exactly,” he says, grinning as he bends down to press a kiss to your chilly, slightly-chapped lips.

“I’m fucking freezing,” you mumble, as he pulls away.

In response, he wraps his arms around your shoulders, smushing your face into his torso in an effort to warm you up.

“My little icicle,” he says fondly.

“That...that sounds vaguely sexual,” you say, your voice slightly muffled.

Steve snorts, gently pushing you back so that he can tuck you under his arm. “Get your mind out of the goddamn gutter, please.”

“Fine,” you grumble, giving one last longing look at the set of paint tubes before the two of you resume walking. “Hot chocolate?” you prompt.

“Hot chocolate,” Steve agrees.

—

It is strangely bittersweet, using these paint tubes.

In your mind’s eye, you see his slim, strong fingers wielding a brush expertly, the backs of his hand and knuckles covered in splotches of paint. He was so confident whenever he mixed his colours, knowing instinctively how much he needed from each tube to create the exact shade he was looking for. He had an intuition, a deep-seated knowledge that you’ve always admired.

You personally had never reached quite the same level of skill that he had attained, but you never envied him for it. He had his strengths, he had his weakness and you, likewise.

With this piece, you have a much clearer idea of where you’re going. The painting is taking shape before your very eyes, a creation that is coming straight from your heart. You are literally pouring a part of your soul onto the canvas, exposed and vulnerable, for all the world to see.

As the brush glides across the canvas and deposits streaks of colour in its wake, you feel as if you’re functioning on autopilot. Your brain has taken a backseat and your heart is now running the show, painting what it loves dearly and longs to see. You have no reference besides the memories in your head, the ones that have been your sweetest grief in the most difficult period of your life.

You might not have the same knowledge of colours and composition that he had, but what you lack in skill you make up for through sheer force of will. You don’t allow yourself to question your actions or second-guess your decisions; you know how to mix the exact shade of golden amber for his hair, the precise colour of blue for his eyes, the perfect shade of pink for his lips.

You’re moving on instinct. Your hand and arm and fingers map out the planes and curves of his face, the slope of his shoulders, the breadth of his torso. His image is burnished into your memory, just as his name has etched itself onto your heart.

He may be gone from this world, but you promise yourself that you’ll never let him fade from your memory.

—

“Happy birthday, sweetheart,” Steve says, as he drops a package wrapped in brown paper into your lap.

“What’s this?” you ask, examining it in your hands as you sit up straighter. Steve bites his lip and shrugs as he comes to sit beside you on the couch.

“Open it,” he says simply. His hands are clasped in his lap and he is twisting his wedding ring around his finger with his right hand — a nervous tick that he’s recently developed.  

“But—Stevie, you’ve already got me a birthday present!” you protest.

“I know, I know...this is like...an early Christmas present. Or a late Christmas present, however you wanna call it.”

You narrow your eyes in suspicion. “I thought we don’t do Christmas presents?”

“Then, well—this is…oh, for fuck’s sake, just open it, will you?”

“Okay, okay,” you mutter, hastily peeling the tape off.

As the wrapper falls away, your eyes are met with a plain black cardboard box, with Winsor and Newton written across the top in simple white font. From the weight and size of the box, you have a feeling you know what this present might be.

“Steve,” you breathe, as you turn to face your husband. “Is this—”

“Just open it!” he begs, “I’m literally dying from the suspense.”

You laugh, despite yourself, rushing to peel away the protective plastic wrapping that encases the box. Tentatively, you lift up the lid to peek inside, gasping when you set eyes on ten tubes of gouache paint, each one pristine and elegant and so bloody beautiful, just waiting for you to use them.

“Holy shit,” you breathe, putting the lid to one side before running your fingers over the tubes reverently, lips parted in awe. These paints are the stuff of legends; your hands are itching to play around with them.

“Stevie,” you whisper, at a loss for words.

“Do you like them?” he asks, voice heartbreakingly timid.

You nod your head vigorously as you lean towards him, clumsily wrapping an arm around the back of his neck as you crush your lips together, all whilst trying to balance the box on your laps, so that the tubes of paint don’t tumble to the floor. The kiss is clumsy and uncoordinated and you accidentally nip his bottom lip too hard, but that only makes it more perfect.

“I love it,” you whisper fervently, as tears of joy prick at the corner of your eyes. “I love them so much, thank you, honey, I love you.”

“I love you too,” he says breathlessly, strong arms snaking around your body to tug you closer. “God, honey, I love you so much. “

As amazing and unexpected as the paints are, what’s more significant — what’s making tears stream from your eyes — is that, after all these years, Steve still remembers how much you’ve been wanting them.

These paint tubes — yeah, okay, they’re paint tubes, but they’re also more than that. Your heart is on the verge of bursting from all the meaning and significance behind this gift. Painting — and art more broadly — has been a cornerstone of your relationship from the outset, weaving its way into every single significant occasion that you’ve shared, and all the little moments in between. These paint tubes symbolise how far you’ve come as a couple and hopefully, how far you have yet to go.

—

Who would’ve thought that just two days later, he’d be caught in a freak car accident that would ultimately steal him from your grasp? Who would’ve thought that you’d be left a widow, before you’ve even hit your fifties? Who would’ve thought that you’d turn into a shell of the person you used to be, passing through day after bleak, monotonous day without a purpose to guide you?

Life is achingly brief. The things that we take for granted can be taken away in the blink of an eye, leaving us bereft and lost.

Nothing lasts forever; that is the cruel, unfair truth.

You’re allowed to curse and sob and scream with anger, frustration and sadness, but you can’t change the rulings of fate. What’s done is done, and you can either let the subsequent current of sorrow drown you, or rise above it, stronger than who you were before.

For the past two years, you’ve been drowning under the weight of your heartbreak, which has been a crushing burden on your shoulders. It’s been a struggle, just to survive.

But maybe—

Maybe it’s time you tried kicking a little harder, tried to break the surface of these dark and murky waters, to see if you truly are strong enough to rise above.

It’s what he would’ve wanted from you.

You put the final few finishing touches on your painting before setting down your brush and standing up, groaning as you stretch your arms over your head. Your bones crack and pop as you move your body around, your muscles stiff from being in the same position for so long. Outside, the last rays of the dying sun paint the sky in vivid shades of red, pink and orange. You grimace — the fact that the sun is setting tells you that you’ve been working on this painting for at least three hours.

The loud rumble in your stomach serves to reinforce your conclusion.

You take a step back to study your finished piece: a painting of him, from the torso up.

Despite the fact that you’re a little rusty, the resemblance of the portrait to his likeness is striking. It is a painting of him as he has been immortalised in your mind, an image of him as you’d loved him best.

You’ve painted him with his head angled slightly to the right, frozen in mid-turn. His rosy pink lips are parted, the corners pulling up in the beginnings of one of his pure, tender smiles. His bright blue eyes are glinting with mischief, the corners crinkling with joy.

You’re proud to have been able to capture the sharp lines of his cheekbones and jaw, the dusting of freckles across his nose, the ever-present flush of pink that sits high on his cheeks. His blonde hair is slightly tousled and falling over his forehead, the way it used to look like in the early mornings, when his skin was still sleep-warmed and his voice was low and throaty.

You’ve painted him in one of those plain white t-shirts that he used to love, the material hugging his broad shoulders and ridiculously perky chest.

To emphasise the golden shine of his hair, you’ve kept the background dark and simple, abstract strokes of brown slapped onto the canvas with a dry brush. It had been one of his favourite techniques to use to achieve texture whenever he was making expanses of flat colours, and you’re pleased to have incorporated it into your work; it makes it more Steve, somehow.

As a final touch, you’ve used some amber and white paint to make a thin ring behind his head, feathering the paint slightly with a small offset spatula. The end result is that you’ve created a pale, ghostly halo.

Angel boy, you think absentmindedly.

You gaze upon the fruits of your labour with wistful nostalgia hanging heavy in your heart. Though it saddens you to have been made acutely aware of his absence in your life, the process has been strangely therapeutic. You haven’t cleaned out the room as you’d promised Wanda, but maybe, you’ve done something better with your time, and found closure in your own roundabout way.

You still miss him terribly and you’ll probably continue to miss him, for the rest of your days, but—

To miss someone is to have loved someone and that, surely, is better than to not have loved at all. Nothing lasts forever, except, perhaps, your love for him.

[urbanteeth]

Novel Prep

Thanks to @dimawriting and @maple-writes for tagging me!!

WIP: The Inbetween

Tagging: @drist-n-dither @theforgottencoolkid @minny-santa and uhh anyone else who sees this!

This gets pretty long so I’ll put it under a read more.

First Look

1. Describe your novel in 1-2 sentences (elevator pitch)

The crew members abroad the Perseus Space Station were tasked with investigating the first signs of early human-like civilization on an exoplanet. The truth behind the ruins scattered across the dying planet, however, is stranger, darker, older than anything they ever expected. 

2. How long do you plan for your novel to be? (Is it a novella, single book, book series, etc.)

As of right now, The Inbetween is a single book divided into 5ish parts. The POV will be third person. Still not sure if I want to switch between characters for each chapter or if I want each of the 5 parts told through the perspective of one of the main characters. I am playing with the idea of a sequel. I also want to write about the before and after the events of The Inbetween. There are also at least two AUs running around my mind so I might explore those too.

3. What is your novel’s aesthetic?

Dark skies full of stars, floating weightlessly, lonely planets, geometry, singularity, the smallness of existence, amorphous shadows on the wall, empty corridors, static, flickering lights, hearts racing from adrenaline, the taste of blood in your mouth as you run for your life

4. What other stories inspire your novel?

The Inbetween originated from me wanting to take some of my unused characters beyond them just being characters. The earliest drafts of The Inbetween were short stories inspired by Wolfgun’s music. The story eventually grew into what it is now thanks to a few episodes of Star Trek and Welcome to Nightvale. Lots of the scenes I currently have written were born from daydreaming to Carbon Based Lifeforms’s music. I would say CBL has had the biggest influence on the story.

5. Share 3+ images that give a feel for your novel

This one is for the last part of the book.

Main Character

6. Who is your protagonist?

There are five protagonists:

Emmett Reyes: Mexican-American, 19 (at the beginning of the story), aro/ace, trans, biologist

Johann Herschel: British-German, 20 (at the beginning of the story), bi, nonbinary, pilot and navigator

Neveen Jalal: Egyptian-American, 19 (at the beginning of the story), lesbian, chemist, starship medic, lowkey inspired by my high school chem teacher

Oliver West: Korean-Canadian, 20 (at the beginning of the story), gay, mechanic

Alternis: A.I., years active unknown, primarily used for security and scouting 

7. Who is their closest ally?

Their closest allies would be each other. Here’s some specific friendships:

Overall: they grow as close as family. Nothing like a near death experience out in the middle of the cold, indifferent void to make five kids bond for life. 

Neveen + Emmett: Nerd friends! With him being a biologist and her becoming a medic, they share a love for the subject. They bond over their love for their cultures. They teach each other words in their native tongues. 

 Johann + Emmett + Oliver: Partners in crime!! These three are as ride or die as you can get with a group of friends. While Johann isn’t always keen on the chaos, he still goes along with it because “who’s going to serve as your guys’s impulse control???” Secretly, he loves it. 

Oliver + Johann: Oliver becomes pretty supportive of all his friends and his relationship with Johann is no different. Oliver makes for a pretty good listener and he doesn’t mind hearing about his friend’s worries. He’ll offer some pretty good advice as well. 

Neveen + Oliver: Oliver is, without a doubt, the most social of all the crew members. Unlike him, however, Neveen is the exact opposite. He will respect her space if she needs it, but he is also there to make sure she doesn’t lose herself in it. In a lot of ways, he reminds Neveen of her own sister.

Emmett + Alternis: These two form a pretty close bond. Both share feelings of becoming static in life. Both struggle with insecurity and general feelings of anxiety that they are not good enough. However, they both also share a deep curiosity for the world around them. She likes to ask him questions knowing he won’t brush them off and he feels comfortable enough to ramble on about whatever subject is most interesting to him knowing that she is willing to listen with interest herself.

Bonus: 

Commander Mitch Connor + his crew: At first, Mitch was pretty hesitant to be this mission’s commander. They’re all kids, two of them fresh out of high school almost. However, he quickly learns that this crew is more than capable. They’re adaptable and fiercely resilient. They know how to use their strengths to their advantage and do so creatively. Most importantly, though, they genuinely care about each other.

8. Who is their enemy?

The story’s main antagonist is a weird hivemind entity that is partially made from various alien life forms and part alien tech. It’s main purpose is to find creatures its programming deems perfect specimens and then merge with (eat???) them to take on their abilities. The creature was once a technologically advanced alien race from a different dimension who sought to create the “perfect being”. No one’s really sure what “perfect being” meant for them, but eventually they, and most of their old universe, were all consumed by their creation. The entity then traveled across many other dimensions still seeking specimens to consume. While it has no definite shape or can even be considered a single animal, it’s still very much sapient. It’s hard to tell the age or if it was supposed to be machine or animal or even what species it originally was. However, the minds and voices of its creators live on with it. 

If you want an idea as to how it sounds, it’s a little like the Warpers from Subnautica but with multiple voices. Here’s a clip. 

9. What do they want more than anything?

They all have different dreams that they are pursuing, but they basically all want a life where they can be happy and have closure.

Emmett wants to be at peace with himself.

Johann wants to find a place that he can call home.

Oliver wants to protect the little he already has.

Neveen wants to achieve her dreams.

Alternis wants to belong.

10. Why can’t they have it?

Emmett is, first of all, much too doubting in himself. He worries so much that he can’t appreciate the things he has done right or the things he can do. He isn’t very kind to himself.

Johann misses the life he had on Earth. He and his family moved to a new planet because they don’t really like Earth and want to experience something new. But Johann never feels the same sense of “home” as he did on Earth. 

Oliver’s job is helping out his mother with their repair shop. So, when the shop is threatened with closure, he is desperate to find another job, but since he dropped out and never finished school, he’s having a really hard time coming up with something that will provide enough. This is why he ends up joining the space program. 

Neveen is in a somewhat similar boat. She has dreams of working as a doctor and all of her time and effort goes into studying for that. She, however, ends up getting rejected from three different schools in her area. She starts to feel like time is somehow running out for her.

Alternis has had a hard time. When she didn’t fit the expectations her creators set, she quickly discovered that her differences were seen as something flawed. She spent a lot of her early days either alone and she grew to be resentful towards people. But she wants to be accepted, so when they told her she was to be assigned to the Perseus Station, she had a lot of mixed feelings about the situation. 

11. What do they wrongly believe about themselves?

Emmett: not smart/good enough, not allowed to make mistakes

Neveen: her success determines her worth, has to do things just right or Else

Oliver: dumb for dropping out of college, is not much other than the comic relief in his friend group

Johann: thinks he can run from facing what’s really bothering him

Alternis: needs to have a purpose to be worth something to others, needs to change to be accepted

12. Draw your protagonist! (Or share a description)

Emmett: 5′2, curly brown hair, brown eyes, tan skin, a scar running from jaw to cheek, there’s a picture @auroradrawing made here!

Neveen: 5′5, long black hair, brown eyes, dark skin, red hijab

Johann: 6′2. dark blond hair, blue eyes, pale skin

Oliver West: 5′10, black hair, brown eyes, pale skin

Alternis:  i made a post on her appearance here

Plot Points

13. What is the internal conflict?

I would say that the overall internal conflict for all the characters is them struggling to understand that they are human which means that they are allowed to be wrong, make bad decisions, have emotions, and fail and none of this undermines their value in any way.

14. What is the external conflict?

The main external conflict is survival. They come into contact with a powerful interdimensional creature who is possibly hundred of thousands of years old or more and they have no idea how to stop it. After their station and only way home gets destroyed and they find themselves stranded with no way to let anyone know what’s happening, they realize that they have to find a way to at least repel the creature as it’s not just their survival at stake, but also that of their friends and family back on Earth.

15. What is the worst thing that could happen to your protagonist?

Death, probably. There’s a lot of things that would be left undone and unsaid and also literally no one else knows what is going on, so it could be a while before anyone back home realizes they’re never coming back. And that thought is one of the scariest things they can imagine.

16. What secret will be revealed that changes the course of the story?

Basically the purpose of the entity and them figuring out what it is and what it wants changes everything they were led to believe at first about the planet and the origin of the ruins.

17. Do you know how it ends?

Yes. They all get a happy ending because I’m done with the sad shit. Also happy endings are good?? Like give me more happy endings dammit! They go through so much shit and get tested so much, like, they deserve their happy ending. 

Bits and Bobs

18. What is the theme? 

You are stronger than you think. Let yourself be flawed. Things might not be okay, but they will work out. You have a place in the universe, no matter how small. Tomorrow is a new day.

19. What is a reoccurring symbol?

Darkness, geometry/symmetry, fire (?),static, lots of the names of things have meaning behind them

20. Where is the story set? (Share a description!)

There are two made up planets on which this story takes place. The first planet is Thesan-4. This planet is a desert-like planet. It’s in the Milky Way for sure, but I haven’t exactly figured out where yet. This planet is primarily used for military/astronaut training. At least 40% of the story will take place here. The other planet is an icy, Earth-like planet. I call this planet the Mirror World in my head but the actual name is pending. Here is where the remains of early civilization are found and this is where the Perseus crew is assign for their mission. At least 60% of the story will take place here.

21. Do you have any images or scenes in your mind already?

Hell yeah! Scenes and a general outline are all I have right now. A lot of the little details are still pretty vague though.

22. What excited you about this story?

Oh man, is “everything” an answer? I always wanted to write a story set in space, but my biggest issue was finding a good plot. Like, I had the characters and I had some vague idea of a setting, but no actual plot or conflict. This story spent a lot of time on the back burner and I honestly thought about abandoning it a few times. However, it has come to grow so much and I’m really happy I didn’t abandon it. I love the lore behind the antagonist and the character interactions and uhhh well damn. Everything!

23. Tell us about your usual writing method!

I think the very first thing I come up with is either the setting or the characters. Then, I make the characters that I feel would go best with the setting or vice versa. Other details like names and stuff come way later. 99% of my writing process is music. If I need a certain mood for a scene, I’ll put on some music that fits and I’ll listen to it a few times before actually writing. I find that this helps me come up with scenes so I don’t really struggle at that. Putting them down on paper is harder lol, especially when I can see at least three different ways to write the opening. But once I start writing, everything flows much easier.