#nausea always feels like the end like i'm going to DIE
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me fighting for my life trying not to puke on a bus filled with people after eating a grotesque state fair sandwich that had two glazed donuts instead of buns and then immediately riding on the scrambler and the kraken questioning how this could've happened to me
#nausea always feels like the end like i'm going to DIE#i'm going to puke in my purse and they're going to hit me with bricks and throw me in the road#but i made it#someone even kindly asked if i was okay#because of the agonized expression#text
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Hey ! It's my first request ever, so I'm not sure how it work. If you're not confortable with it, feel free to don't respond. I'm kinda obsess with an AMAB Sevika, can you write reader discovering a surprise pregnancy with a sex friend/flirt/crush Sevika ?
I like the way you make her express her feelings, it's pretty accurate with Arcane. Feel free for them to keep the baby or not. Thank you so much and thank you for your work. ^^
sure!!! i got another very similar request too so i'll combine them :)
Amab sevika really be curing my depression
Maybe reader and vika are married and trying for a baby? 🥺🥺 amab sevika is my beloved and I'd die for her
men and minors dni
you guys have been trying to get pregnant for about six months now.
a lot of it's been fun. flipping through baby books together in bed, sending each other videos of cute babies on social media, and the actual baby making process is a blast.
but some of it's hard.
sevika's stopped taking her estrogen to get her sperm count back up. as a result, she's been horribly dysphoric.
you've caught her crying several times, standing in front of the mirror with a pair of tweezers in her hands, her chest irritated from the plucking and picking she'd done. she's become obsessive in shaving her face, doing it two or three times a day. her metabolism's gotten faster without the estrogen, and the 20 or so pounds of extra padding she'd put on her thighs and hips since she started e years ago is starting to fade away.
you try your best to make her feel better, insist that you guys could always try ivf instead, but she's determined to do it 'the old fashioned way.' so, you just hold her when her dysphoria takes hold, pressing kisses to her hair, reminding her you'd love her with a full beard just as much as you love her now.
it's been hard on you too. the more time that goes by without a successful pregnancy, the more you feel like your body's betraying you.
how many times did you and sevika have a pregnancy scare at the beginning of your relationship, before you were ready for kids? hundreds. but now that you're actively trying, your period is as regular as it can possibly be.
you've decided that if you go another month without any success, you're going to throw in the towel and ask your obgyn about ivf. you can't take much more disappointment, and you don't like seeing sevika so depressed all the time.
but then, something happens.
it starts with your tits getting sore.
for a week straight, they're tender to the touch, sore by the end of the night when you take your bra off. you know it's one of the earliest signs of pregnancy, but you don't say anything, not wanting to get your hopes up.
but then you start getting sick in the mornings. you can't hide this from sev, and she's squirming with excitement beside you as she rubs your back while you spew your guts into the toilet below.
"this is amazing." she says, giddy. you groan.
"real amazing sev, i'm feeling great." you say sarcastically. she giggles and presses a kiss to your head.
"i'm sorry, honey." she whispers. you giggle and reach out to hold her hand as another bout of nausea overtakes you.
your period is a day late.
and then two.
you know this. you know sevika knows this. but neither of you say anything, too scared to jinx it.
but when two days becomes three, and then three becomes a full week, you start getting excited.
you don't tell sevika you buy a pregnancy test-- not wanting to disappoint her if it's negative. but you do buy one, and you take it an hour before sevika's meant to get home.
it's positive. you nearly pass out from excitement.
sevika comes home to dinner on the table and flowers in the kitchen.
you sit on her lap the second she sits down, swinging your arms around her shoulders.
she's smiling like she already knows, but she's biting her lip-- worried that she's wrong.
"i got two surprises for you." you say.
"two?!" she asks, her hands clawing into your hips. you smile.
"two." you say, nodding.
you reveal the syringe full of her estrogen to her, raising your eyebrows at her. she blinks.
"what's that?" she asks. you laugh.
"'s only been a few months sev, y' already forgot what your e looks like?" you tease her. she blinks and gulps as you wipe a cool alcohol wipe over her bicep, pinching the skin and bringing the needle up to her arm. you smile at her.
"but what about--"
"don't ruin the second surprise." you scold her as you inject the needle into her muscle, pushing her hormones in and watching as her eyes go wide and sparkly.
she doesn't even notice the sting of the needle-- she's usually such a wimp about it, but tonight, she's got all her attention focused on you.
"does that mean-- are you--"
"pregnant?" you ask as you gently place a bandaid over the tiny puncture wound. sevika's breath catches in her throat and her eyes get watery. you place a kiss on top of the bandage, keeping your eyes locked on hers. sevika's breathing is shaky, tears already streaming down her cheeks. you lean up to kiss them up. "you're gonna be a momma, sev." you whisper against her cheek.
at the words, sevika bolts out of her chair, holding you in her arms and running you to the bedroom. you laugh the whole way.
sevika slams you (gently) down onto the bed before jumping on top of you. one of her hands goes to hold your stomach, the other comes up to cup your cheek.
"are you serious?!" she whispers. you smile and nod, your own tears welling in your eyes.
"took three tests. all positive." you say. sevika whimpers, then swoops down to kiss you.
she fucks you like she's trying to get you pregnant again.
and then, when you're done and she's holding you in your arms, her hand still on your stomach, the both of you catching your breaths, the first thing she says is, "what do you think about athena as a girls name?"
"goddess of war!?" you ask, laughing. "absolutely not. i'm not dealing with another little fighter in the house." you say. sevika giggles.
"but it's badass! nobody'd fuck with her." she says, pouting at you. you laugh. sevika gasps. "she just kicked!" she says, pointing at your belly. you laugh even harder. "she loves it! we have to name her athena now!" she says, teasing.
you groan and push her face away as she chuckles. "you're fuckin' ridiculous." you say between your giggles. sevika grins.
"i love you so much." she whispers, tears forming in her eyes again. your laughter ceases, a sweet watery smile taking its place.
"i love you too." you whisper.
sevika grins and swoops down to kiss your stomach.
"love you too, little fucker." she whispers to your belly.
taglist!
@lesbeaniegreenie @fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @ellabslut @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther
#sevika#sevika imagine#sevika arcane#sevika x reader#sevika x you#soft sevika#oh also! disclaimer i am cis! (...mostly) so if i got anything about the hormone process wrong lmk!#i did a little bit of reasearch but it was only about 10 mins#so any corrections are welcome and will be made asap!!
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"Not so common cold"
Hey yall!! Its finally out!! The ending was a little rushed because I wanted to get it over with, but i hope you still enjoy it! This one is a little longer than the others, which I'm really proud of cuz i usually lose motivation very quickly on writing projects. Also sorry for any bad grammar or non capitalized i's. Its my adhd. Happy reading!!
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It was a cold, rainy day in Soho. You lay restless on the bookshop floor, the cold wood being the only thing keeping you from melting. You basically lived here at this point, but when you woke up with your blistering fever, Aziraphale was no where to be found. He left a note saying he was out for business with Crowley, but he wouldn't answer any calls. After about 2 hours, you decide to call them one more time. You reach for your pocket before realizing you left it on the couch. You pull yourself up by holding on a table, and trudge over to the couch. You grab your phone and speak into the phone.
"Call Aziraphale." You strain.
"Calling Azraphale." The cheery british bot says. It said his name wrong and that makes you chuckle, which then makes you start coughing up a storm.
"Damnittttt. Pick upppppp!!" You whine. "C'mon! You can't be this busy." You're on the verge of tears when Aziraphale picks up.
"Sorry y/n, I seemed to have accidentally set my phone to silent before Crowley told me to check it, because there's no way you haven't checked in. I saw that I had nine missed calls, is everything alright?" He sounds really worried.
"I'm sick out of my mind. I'm dyinggg." You whine again. Aziraphale starts audibly freaking out over the phone.
"Oh heavens!!! Crowley we've got to go home right now!" You hear him yelling in the background.
"Sorry dear, we'll be right over, don't even worry about it." He says hastily.
"Wasn't. See u soon Pa." You reply. Your fever has been steadily going down, but you're still a little delirious, as you called Aziraphale dad on accident. Aziraphale and Crowley have asked you about your parents before, but you always refuse to talk about them for some reason. The truth is, you don't even remember your parents, but whenever you try and think about them you get a weird pit in your stomach, filled with fear, sadness, and a little anger, so they decided to stop pushing.
"Y/n wh-" Aziraphale starts, but the line cuts, and you assume that his phone died or something. You go lay back on the floor, awaiting their arrival.
About half an hour later, Crowley and Aziraphale arrive. They both have a bag of something. You try to peel yourself off the floor, but it makes you dizzy and you give up.
"You look like death." Crowley says.
"I feel like death." You reply, barely moving. He almost rolls his eyes, but he hesitates, and for a second you can see his gaze soften, before he decides to roll his eyes anyway.
"Okay kid, this isn't Romeo and Juliet, you'll be fine." He says, walking off somewhere. Aziraphale walks in and kneels beside you.
"Okay y/n, roll over so I can feel your forehead." Aziraphale says. You groan and protest, but do it anyway. His hand is warm, and while that would usually be nice, its terrible right now.
"Your hands are too warmmm." You say, trying to wriggle away.
"Jeez, y/n, you're burning up! Come on, up we go. Lets lay on the couch, okay?" He states, lifting you up by your arms and basically dragging you over to the couch. You lay down flat and get hit by a wave of nausea and groan.
"This really sucks." You sniffle, your voice wavering as you feel like crying.
"I know, I know, its okay." Aziraphale responds, rubbing your back. He waves his hand and suddenly the room is very cold. He shivers slightly, but you sigh in relief, as you felt like you would shrivel up and die any second from heat stroke. Crowley walks in and almost recoils in shock from the temperature.
"It's like a freezer in here! What happened?" He yelps. Aziraphale gives a sympathetic nod in your direction and Crowley calms down almost immediately. Crowley hesitates for a second, but reaches down to feel your forehead. His hand is surprisingly cold and you lean into it.
"Jeez, you really are burning up." He whispers. Aziraphale makes a comment about how Crowley really is nice, which makes him rip his hand off of your forehead and down into his pocket, which makes you whine.
"Noo your hands are cold and nice." You pout. You typically wouldn't be acting like this, but your fever has you delirious. Crowley gives you a funny look, and almost reached back down before seeing Aziraphales smile and deciding against it.
"Too bad. I'm not gonna pamper you just cuz you're sick, you know." He says and you whine again. He leaves the room to do hell knows what and you talk to Aziraphale.
It had been an hour and a half since they returned and you had thrown up once and then fallen asleep. The bags that they walked in with were now stuffed in the back office. One filled with medican from a local pharmacy and the other filled with your favorite take out. Crowley was the one who suggested the takeout, but when they got home they saw that you were in no state to eat and so Crowley put it in the small fridge they bought for you in back.
After a few minutes, you woke up, but kept your eyes closed to conserve energy. While you were lying there, Crowley walked over to you and sat on the couch beside you. He gingerly reached over and brushed some hair out of your eyes. You hold back a smile to see what he would do next.
"You poor creature. I had forgotten how fragile you are." He states. This catches you off guard, as this is totally out of character for Crowley. Crowley notices you twitch, and you pretend to wake up. He quickly pulls his hand away and goes to stand up.
"Where are you going?" You say, faking a yawn and rubbing your eye. His gaze softens slightly as he sits back down next to you.
"Nowhere. Don't worry about it." He says and smiles, obviously being nicer because you're ill.
"Good." You say, and grab his hand. You guys sit in silence for a while before Aziraphale comes and takes your temperature again.
"101.." He sighs. "But at least its going down. You were 109 an hour ago." He smiles.
"109?????" You exclaim. "Aren't I supposed to go to the hospital at that point??" Aziraphale looks a little stunned, but Crowley makes a noise and sprawls out on the couch.
"Too late now. You're fever has gone down to a normal-ish level." He states. You guys all move to a table in the back room, and Crowley grabs the previous take out from the fridge and places the bag on the table.
"Ya still nauseous or do you think you can eat?" You look inside the bag and your face lights up.
"From (fav restaurant)????!!! I'm starved!!" You exclaim, and immediately start pulling the containers out from the bag. Aziraphale is typically the one who eats with you, as Crowley doesn't enjoy it as much as he does, but he decides to eat with you guys today just to make you happy.
"Damn Y/n, if I knew any better, I'd say you hate this restaurant." Crowley says and chuckles as you pull containers out at the speed of light. Aziraphale gives him a look.
"Well obviously not, look at the speed they're-"
"Sarcasm, Angel." Crowley interrupts.
"Ah, well. Of course." Aziraphale says.
"Its okay dad. Pa was just teasing. He meant no harm." You say, while opening a container and digging some food out of it. They decide mutually not to pay attention to the fact that you called them dad, and to just enjoy the moment. They didn't mind the term. Quite the opposite in fact, (though Crowley would never admit that) but they often didn't know how to react. They just smiled and chatted while you ate. Crowley ruffled your hair and Aziraphale made you some hot chocolate. Suddenly your terrible sick day wasn't so terrible after all.
#sick day#ineffable husbands#good omens season one#good omens#crowley#aziraphale x reader#crowley x reader#good omens x reader#good omens fic#crowley being cute#aziraphale#teen reader#i love this show#im tired#have fun#this is so cute#yall better read it
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KruegerNak FIC- PLUMERIA
Synopsis: Nak tries a cigarette, talks before a mission.
Warnings: Mentioning of Drugs, Smoking, Violence, Murder
Word Count: 1,000+
Type: Casual, dialogue heavy
Characters: Sebastian Krueger, Phayvanh "Nak" Sotsvahn
Creator Notes: This is actually the most I've ever written in my life xD have fun
Sop Ruak; Chiang Saen, Thailand. It’s the heart of The Golden Triangle; Laos was just across from where they stood. Nausea rarely gripped her, but being here was too close for comfort. The Mekong River was the only thing separating her from what she had two years ago.
It felt familiar, almost nostalgic—if she could even call it that.
She's never been fond of Counter Narcotics Operations; interdictions specifically. Nikolai proposed that Phayvanh's first hand experience with this area would be useful during their time in the East. The setup, at least for larger trafficking operations, was always the same; outdoor labs, “product” stored in barrels or polypropylene woven sacks.
Maybe her feelings are more akin to regret.
“Light.” Sebastian requests, leaning against the guard rails overlooking the Mekong, an unlit tip of a cigarette dangling from his lips. That snapped her out of her introspection.
She pats her pockets, nothing. Fuck, was it like her to be so forgetful?
“Don't got one.”
“Right.” He murmurs, retrieving his own to light for himself.
“Why even ask?” Phayvanh squints, scowling.
A smirk plays across his lips, tendrils of smoke spiraling from them, “I like it when you light them for me.”
That son of a bitch.
“Drop dead.” She mutters, not wanting to look at him after his ridiculous confession.
That got a chuckle out of Sebastian before a silence settled in. It felt uncomfortable, something she’s not used to feeling with him. Maybe it's just her.
It wasn't like she could ignore and forget where she was even for a moment– the humidity in the air, the smell of leaves that were too sickeningly sweet– it's all overwhelming. Not to mention that damn sight in front of them. Maybe that's why he smokes? It Feels like she could break out in hives or have her hair turn gray.
“May I?” She holds out her hand.
Sebastian gives her a skeptical look, cigarette perched comfortably between his fingers. “Thought you didn't do shit like this.”
“You're going to die sooner because of it, might as well catch up.” Phayvanh utters, waving a dismissive hand.
“Fair.” He hands her what remains of his cigarette.
Her fingers awkwardly held it up; more familiar with handing them out than holding one. Phayvanh tentatively brought the borrowed cigarette to her lips. As she inhaled, a harsh burn seared her throat, and a sudden fit of coughing overtook her. The acrid taste lingered, catching her off guard.
“You're supposed to inhale, you know.” Sebastian watches with amusement.
She couldn't help but shoot him an exasperated glare between coughs; a miserable attempt of recovery as the acrid sting from the back of her throat shoots back out.
“So much for trying to catch up with me, huh, Schatzi?” He teased, retrieving what remained from the cigarette , Sebastian expertly drew another lungful before tossing it somewhere on the ground.
"So much for that" She grumbles, finally being able to speak properly.
Krueger smirks, nudging her shoulder with his.
“Want to try that again?” He goads, giving the end of her ponytail a light tug.
Phayvanh swats his hand away “Not really. I thought it'd have more..you know.”
"Tastes like shit and kills you slowly, Phay." He shrugs. "It doesn't offer much in the realm of comfort or relief.”
"I want it to." She sighs, overlooking the Mekong."I feel like I'm back to where I started again.”
A silence settles between them, only the hum of insects and faint splashing of water. "This place isn't Laos," Sebastian says finally after what felt like an eternity.
"But that place is." Phayvanh's eyes direct him to look the strip of land across the river. “And we have to go back there.”
Sebastian follows her gaze. "Are you up for it?" He doesn’t add anything, just leaves the question to hang there in the space between them
The words seem to not want to come out. Phayvanh makes a vague gesture with her hands, hoping he gets what she's trying to say.
"Wow, you should become a spokesperson. Really got me raring to go." he says with a dry grin.
“Don’t be a dick.” She complains, wanting to sulk a little longer.
"Too late for that," Sebastian retorts,the smirk on his face tightens; he gazes at Phayvanh as if he's challenging her to toss another insult.
“I don’t know where I stand in this anymore,” she vents out.
“Bullshit.” Krueger cuts through any potential excuse or argument Nak could throw up against him. “Right now is not the time for a fucking existential crisis."
His curt tone stings worse than when she had taken a puff from earlier -
“What if he's there?” She gives him an incredulous expression- just what right does he have giving life lectures?
Sebastian's gaze sharpens. He doesn't need to ask who she is referring to - he knows.
The snake of the Laotian underworld, mingled with blood and fear.
“He’d kill me.”
“Not if I’m there.” Sebastian chuckles
"He’d kill you first."
"Then we kill him," he replies, as if they were discussing the weather instead of plotting murder.
“..What?” She takes a step back.
Phayvanh had to do a double take at Sebastian's words. Kill him? She was lucky enough Kapano didn't send anyone after her the first time she tried.
"We kill Vang." he repeated,
"No." She lets out a small laugh of disbelief, it eased her more than she liked to admit "Is the heat getting to your head? There's no guarantee we'll even run into him.”
"No guarantee, no," Sebastian concedes with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. He then leans in to look at her directly.
"But you and I both know this world isn't kind enough for sweet coincidences." His voice lowered into a whisper "This is your chance Nak-- One bullet- just one can send him straight back to the sty he slithered out from”
"What, so we go out of our way to find him? I can't do that Sebastian." Phayvanh reasoned, crossing her arms.
"That bastard has had a chokehold on your neck since you were old enough to walk,” Sebastian retorts, he knows he's not wrong “It's deserved.”
She wasn't stupid. Naga would cut off the hand she used to stab him with. Then he would use it to do the same thing she did to him years ago; he'd get away with it as well.
“It's not about that, I could lose my job. Isn't this against protocol?" She reminds “He's not a target.”
"No one's going to care if that bastard drops dead, Phay." He urged her
It was clear she considered it for a second.
"I'll take care of it- You just have to be there with me. Like always.”
“You wouldn't.”
"You underestimate me." Sebastian scoffs. "I’d have his head put on a tray for you, Phayvanh.”
#call of duty#call of duty modern warfare#art#cod mw oc#kruegernak#original character#cod krueger#cod fic#cod fanfic#oc x canon fanfic#oc x canon#sebastian krueger#krueger cod#krueger#phayvanh nak sotsvahn#cod nak#Call of duty oc#call of duty original character#my wrtitng#cod oc
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One Of A Kind -Chapter Two
Pairing: Kyle Rayner x Batsis!Reader
Summary: A surprise is discovered. Is it terrifying? Absolutely!
Warnings: Swearing, fluff, mentions of morning sickness, pregnancy, canon-level violence, my bad writing
Word Count: 2.9k
A/N: I'm very late but HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! Its FINALLY here, and guess who has covid! Sorry it took ages to arrive. If the pacing feels a bit off it's bc I wrote this a little drunk a while ago. (I did end up misplacing it and i finally found it so no proof read, we die like heroes) I hope yall enjoy this, if not then I'm sorry :/ ALSO, this is going to be the last short chapter of the series so expect the others to be a little longer from now on!
OOAK Masterlist
The overwhelming nausea woke you up, and you barely made it to the toilet before the contents of your stomach emptied out. You heaved some more, your body shaking from the force after each one. The bile in your mouth was enough to make you wince and spit into the toilet hoping to get rid of the taste.
Groaning, you set your head against the cold seat as the dizziness subsided a little. It was just the wake up call you needed before heading back to work. It seems the few days you had off were too short of time to readjust to your normal routine. You might as well get ready now that you’re up.
You were too busy leaving in a hurry to say bye to Billy once you checked the time, effectively running late. Hopefully you'd have time to check in with him later to see if he was faring the same. You had felt sick the entire time getting ready upon arriving on base, your stomach churning uncomfortably with unease. It might have been the food and drinks from last night or the winter air doing a number on you. For now, you shrugged it off to the best of your abilities.
There were plenty of other agents walking around when you arrived at the tarmac. A few faces you haven’t seen before looked towards you as you made your way to the chopper Sormael had instructed you to from this morning's message. They might’ve been the new hires you heard about coming in the other day. Deciding to put on a friendly face, you smiled and waved towards them as you continued walking.
“Thrasher! About time you made it, what happened to always being on time?” Sormael engulfed you in a hug, giving a firm little shake before breaking away.
“Sorry, sir. I wasn’t feeling all too well this morning and that seemed to cut into my arrival time. Won’t happen again, unless the husband has a say in it.”
“They do love to make things a little more interesting don’t you think? Are you feeling better, or do I need you to sit this one out? I have Zeru on standby seven klicks out from the target site.”
“Negative, sir. I’m much better now, only needed some fresh air and to see your wonderful face,” You bumped his shoulder against yours, sending him a lopsided grin. A gesture you’ve done countless times to let him know you were fine.
There was no chance in hell you would let Zeru, a colleague you’ve been competing against, take this job just because you felt a little sick. The two of you had an ongoing bet to see who could get more jobs done in the span of eight months, the loser had to buy the winner dinner for three weeks. And the eighth month was now coming to a close, you had one job on him but it was only a matter of time before he caught up.
“Alright, well, here’s everything you need to know,” Sormael handed you a folder that was banded shut. “It’s a covert mission, a simple extraction job. Retrieve the data and get to the rendezvous point for further instructions. Like usual, you’ll have a ride there but you’ll need to find a way back to ensure no one can link you back here. Stay safe, the roads are freezing over. Do whatever you need to get back to us.”
“Always am.” Nodding your head in affirmation you turn to the awaiting helicopter. The snowfall began to pick up causing you to pull your coat closer to fight against the bitter cold. Harsh snowflakes pelted against your face once you got to the aircraft door. The aircraft shielded you from the oncoming storm once you got inside, sliding the door shut and getting situated in your seat.
“Morning, Agent Thrasher. Our eta is four hours, I would catch more sleep if I were you.” The pilot you recognized from previous assignments spoke through the headset. Giving him a half-assed response you went to look at the contents of the folder.
It was a fairly light folder, flipping through the papers and memorizing everything given. Information on the building’s layout and number of personale working. Only select people had access to the server room which was located on the fifth floor, third room on the right. Attached to the last page was a small flash drive still wrapped in the package.
The nausea had finally settled down, giving you a break for the time being. But you had a sneaking suspicion that it would come back. If that was the case you'd have to make this quick.
You sent Kyle a brief text, letting him know of your whereabouts for the next few hours and decided against telling him of your sickness from the morning.
The sun had peaked through the clouds once you were high enough in airspace, warming you up from the chilly temperature. It was odd that you were cold for this long, your body had gotten used to adapting to the different temperatures over the years of constant traveling in different climates. Pulling your thick coat impossibly closer you thought it best to reserve your energy and get some sleep while you still had time.
*****
You had everything under control, the mission was going smoothly. Entering the building and getting into the server room had gone seamlessly. The flash drive had all the needed information and the only thing left was your escape.
The earpiece you had in your ear was patched into a secure channel only the rendezvous team had access to. It was silent for now.
Normally, you would have to reach out first once in range of any rendezvous point or an appointed team member would reach out if you’ve been dark for too long.
You had carefully tucked the flash drive into a secure pocket, adjusting to make sure it was unnoticeable. The uniform you had acquired once getting into the lobby at the beginning of the mission had been doing its job perfectly as a disguise. No one was the wiser when you had gone in and when exiting the server room, the door locked after shutting closed.
Keeping your head down you walked through the hallway successfully keeping attention off of you. Turning around the corner to the stairwell, you quickly descended down the flight of stairs only passing by two people as they left through the door you just went through.
After reaching the second level another wave of nausea washed over you making you unsteady. Not again, you could only do so much while your whole world was spinning. The stale air wasn’t helping at all either. It made everything feel more restricted and claustrophobic.
You carefully walked down the remaining steps to the floor level, supporting most of your weight on the railing and wall so as to not stumble down. The more you had turned the corners of the staircase the harder it got to keep your composure. There was only one more turn before the ground floor, deciding it would be best to take a breather once you were far enough away from the building, you pushed on. Finally leaving the stairwell and taking the closest exit towards you welcomed the fresh winter air, inhaling deep breaths as it helped ease the bile that was threatening to come up long enough to make it past the parking lot to a lone car where you had stashed your things.
You shed the uniform changing into the spare outfit you had packed in the warmth of the car. Digging through your bag you found something to ease the nausea for the time being until you could take something once you got home. For now, you just hoped it would work.
Little flecks of snow slowly drifted down, dark clouds were filling up the bright sky. You drove until you were three miles out from the rendezvous point, hidden well enough to not stick out to oncomers, after concealing the car and wiping it down of any prints left you grabbed your bag and walked the remaining way there.
As soon as you made it inside the hidden cabin and debriefed with the team after handing over the flash drive, you threw a few more logs into the dwindling flames of the fireplace to heat the small cabin up.
Your hands felt like icicles and your legs had gone numb a mile into the journey. The layers you’d put on did very little to help maintain heat.
The team informed you before they departed that the cabin was yours for the time being, well at least until after you leave before the cleaning crew arrives.
Knowing you had enough time to shower and change into more comfortable clothing made you physically relax, letting out a content sigh.
Thinking now was a good enough time to check your phone, possibly give Billy a call. If he was fairing as badly as you were then you definitely needed to apologize for possibly getting him sick.
“Billy speaking, what’s up?” He answered on the second ring, judging from the noise in the background he must’ve been home.
“Hey kid, glad I managed to reach you. Sounds like you’re home, did you make it back safely and in one piece?” Shifting the phone to hold it with your shoulder, you were able to take out an outfit and some essentials into the bathroom.
“Oh, yeah I made it back just a little after you left. I was gonna say something but you left in a hurry and I didn’t want to keep you back any later than you had to.” That seemed about right. Both you and Kyle had told him on many occasions that he didn’t need to keep things to himself, whatever it was that he needed the both of you would pause what you were doing and give him your undivided attention.
“No worries, next time go ahead and ask me to stay back a little. Speaking of which, I wanted to ask how you’re feeling? I’m feeling a little under the weather, it might’ve been the food from last night.”
“You know how I get, I just didn’t want to bother you too much. And I feel fine, if you want we can head over and bring you some soup or something?” There was a muffled sound on the line before he spoke up again. “Hey, I got to go. Keep me updated though, I think we’ll head over later today, if not tomorrow. See you later.”
“Will do, see you later kid.”
Well that was interesting. What else could be making you sick if not the food? At least he wasn’t under the weather, that made you feel better knowing you didn’t get him sick as well.
A ding from your phone pulled you out from your thoughts. It was a message from Kyle saying he was back on Earth. You sent a reply of your location and asked if he could bring a thermometer and cold medicine before hopping into the shower.
The water pressure wasn’t great but it also wasn’t the worst you had. It came out in soft bursts, fortunately the shower head was large so it covered more than a small area. The water did wonders for your aching muscles, which had been unusually sore and stiff for the past few weeks. You knew it couldn’t have been from either of the previous assignments you were on. Or for this one as a matter of fact.
At some point you must’ve dozed off, still on your feet. Deciding it was better to get out and get some actual rest without any incoming injuries, you turned off the shower and wrapped yourself in a towel. Kyle would be on his way soon, in the meantime you could busy yourself getting ready and warming up on the couch in front of the fireplace.
By the time Kyle came around you were passed out.
“Hey sleepy, I wasn’t sure what to get so I bought whatever I could find. I also brought some soup from your favorite place, it should still be hot.” Kyle helped ease you up to sit on the couch, you must’ve laid d0wn while you were sleeping.
“Oh, hi,” you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes with a smile. “How long have you been here?”
He put a hand to your forehead, “Long enough to know you were tossing and turning for a while. On the bright side you don’t have a temperature but better safe than sorry, take this.” He handed you a water bottle and two tylenol from one of the two bags he had, which you gladly accepted and took.
Once you finished your water Kyle traded it for a container of soup. It was still hot enough to warm you up. He plopped down next to you with his own food, digging in once he knew you could eat fully on your own.
“Thank you, I think the soup is helping me some. How are the fellas doing? Causing more chaos for the team I assume?”
“Oh you know it, nothing but the best from Guy. I also may have enabled him… just a little bit.” his smile had a hint of mischief with the knowing look he gave you.
“Of course, babe,” you nudged him with your shoulder, “ ‘Just a little bit’ my ass. You totally orchestrated whatever it was. I feel bad for the poor soul who was on the receiving end of you two maniacs.”
He threw his head back in a laugh. “You know me so well. It wasn’t too bad this time, I swear. Oh, I forgot. Before I left you said you had something you wanted to tell me?”
Ah, you had completely forgotten about that. You tried racking your brain for the right words to explain this best. After five years together it was kind of hard to just come out and say you had been lying to him all that time about yourself. Well, in a way you weren’t lying, just always avoiding mentoning your past and family.
“Uhm,” your hands clasped together in your lap as you leaned forward, “You know how I aoid talking about my past with you or brush it off when you ask me about it?”
He put his food down to give you his full attention, motioning for you to continue once he sat back, grabbing one of your hands in reassurance.
���Gosh this is hard, uhm. I want you to know that I didnt tell you because I don’t trust you, more because I was scared to tell you. I guess the best way is to rip the bandaid off. But more or less I was… Batman’s daughter, this was years ago of course. I don’t actually know if he told anyone in the league about me since I wasn’t one of the many side-kicks.”
“I think I remember Alfred having some photos of when you were young laying around the mansion when I lived there for a bit, I asked them about it but no one really said anything. Figured it was a sore subject. Im going to be honest, I’m a little hurt that you didn’t tell me sooner but I understand having moments of the past haunting you.”
“There’s more I would like to tell you,” I pulled him towards me more, “But I’d rather tell you once we get home. How about we head over once we’re done eating?”
“No problem, eat as much as you can and we'll take the leftovers with us.” Kyle grabbed his container and gestured at you to eat with a forkful halfway to his mouth.
*****
It had been two weeks later when you decided to see your agency’s doctor to check out your recent sickness. You had been expecting a stomach bug, or the flu, the last thing you expected was finding out you were ten weeks pregnant. Ten weeks. Kyle, who went with you almost and passed out from the news, was still taking his time processing everything you told him, rightfully so. The two of you were sent home with congratulations and several pictures of your growing bean. It had felt too surreal, and overwhelming.
All that happened three days ago, now you and Kyle were just entering your apartment after buying some pregnancy essentials for you when a noise from the kitchen alerted you of an intruder. You reached for your sheathed knives, usually strapped to your thighs, out of reflex before Kyle stopped you, rushing forward with the bat you normally kept by the front door.
“Fuck man, I could killed you!” Kyle’s alarmed voice steadied your racing heart after realizing it was someone he knew. You slowly made your way to the kitchen, their muffled voices getting clear the further you walked down te hallway. One being Kyle’s and the other you now recognized to be Guy Gardner, who you haven’t actually met but have seen through videos either of your boys have shown you.
“You’re brave for knocking up Batman’s long lost daughter,” Guy pointed to the ultrasound photo pinned on the fridge. “I don’t envy you one bit man. And you must be the lovely wife. Guy Gardner, great to finally meet the mysterious lady Rayner’s been hiding from me.”
“How’d you know we’re married?” Kyle looked alarmed and confused.
“Well, you do have your wedding pictures laying ‘round the place.” He pointed out to the living room where the photos had been conveniently placed on the coffee table.
With a sigh and shake of your head, you held out your hand to Guy. “Y/N Rayner, pleased to finally meet this doofus’ best friend he speaks highly of.”
Taglist:
@esposadomd
#kyleraynermybeloved#kyle rayner#kyle rayner fics#kyle rayner x reader#kyle rayner x batsis!reader#One Of A Kind series#kyleraynermybeloved one of a kind#pregnant reader
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(866) 488-7386
This is the Trevor Project Crisis/Suicide Intervention number.
I talked to someone tonight and she was so fucking awesome. She helped pull me out of my spiral, talked me down from my darker thoughts, gave me encouragement, and told me I was doing awesome for being brave and sharing how I was feeling. It was such a weight off my chest to hear someone else tell me I wasn't allowed to commit suicide (yes, I did ask if she could tell me that, yes she did awesome, and yes I am feeling so much better and am much safer because I called).
This number and others have high traffic because of the election season and the fear surrounding that, but don't let that discourage you from calling if you need to. I was scared to call too, and I tried every other coping mechanism I could think of, but hearing another person walk me through things helped so much better.
Call this number and get help if you need it. And yes, if you're asking "do I really need help?" Or "other people probably have it worse than me" you probably need it more than you realize. At least, that was my experience.
(More info on my experience below the cut)
I have this really weird relationship with suicidality. Like, the last time it was this bad was when I was in middle school. I ended up in a mental hospital because of it, and was relatively okay after I got all the feelings and stuff out of the way. I wasn't even in there a full week. I hated it there, but I know that if things get like that again, where a mental hospital feels safer than being at home, that it's serious. If I'm willing to go to a place like that to keep myself alive, I need help. It's a last minute metric, but it's a metric that's kept me alive so I'll fucking take it.
I actually made a promise to myself then that I wasn't allowed to try and kill myself, and every time it's gotten even remotely close to being this intense I've always told someone. Tonight it's late though, I was running low on sleep, hadn't eaten cause of nausea, and everyone who I wanted to talk to to distract me was either asleep or also on the verge of spiraling, and I didn't want to stress them out more.
So I went to the bathroom, I looked myself in the mirror and repeated "I'm not allowed to kill myself" over and over. It worked for a while. I more or less intimidated myself out of suicide for all of 20 minutes (every minute counts and I'm very proud of that). But it all spiraled again. So I got a notebook, a pencil, and I hit 'call' after dialing the Trevor number. I knew they had high call volumes so I made sure to use the notebook and pencil for something productive (productive as in 'keeping me alive'). I made a list (several pages long) of all the reasons, big and small, for me to keep living. I included selfless and selfish goals. I included the little things like wanting sushi or strawberries again. I included expensive things like going ice skating or traveling to Mexico. I included the personal goals like updating all my IDs to have the same name + gender marker, and getting top surgery. I included that I wanted to help other trans people get to safer places and that I wanted to finish college with a degree.
I have so many hopes and dreams and I'm not allowed to let them die with me. I'm not allowed to die.
And I told all of this to the wonderful woman who picked up tonight. And she walked me through everything, told me that I was okay, that we were all going to get through this together. She helped me, and I gave her the resources I had to look into safer states for everyone. She joked that I was doing her job and we laughed about it. I even told her that she could call or text my number if she needed something (outside of the call back/check up that we scheduled to make sure I was still doing okay). I told her I'd be happy to give her resources. I'm not sure if she's allowed to text or call me as an individual, but I did give her permission to if she happens to be allowed to.
I feel so much better, and the nausea has subsided. I'm going to get some food, lay on the couch, and watch something fun and lighthearted. Because it's been a rough night, and I need something fun. I deserve something fun.
#transgender#trans#lgbtq#lgbt#nonbinary#trans masc#ftm#trevor project#suicide hotline#crisis hotline#election season#election 2024#stay alive#i promise you life is worth it
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🌹any bit of angsty comfort from the torture fic?
oh you know it!! thank you i'm excited to share some of this :)
got uh. got A LOT of that coming up, so here's a section from shortly after they've been allowed to take mac home from medical. it's a long fic so this is gonna be a bit of a long clip sldfkj, enjoy!! gonna put it under a cut bc of, well, It Is From The Torture Fic, though he's home and nothing further bad is like. actively happening to him.
specific content warnings: a Lot of references to murdoc pulling mac's hair and the whole Pliers Situation from part 1. (also a generalized like... sense of shame and having been somehow Ruined by what happened to him.)
--
Jack is sitting there on the couch with him and has been since they got home, paying only nominally more attention to whatever is happening on the screen than Mac is. Most of his attention is on Mac himself, even though his eyes are on the movie. He’s got a hand on Mac’s head moving his fingers through Mac’s hair in slow strokes. The callouses on his fingertips brush Mac’s temple when he reaches the ends and starts over again.
It’s gentle and affectionate, the sort of thing that, on a good day, might make Mac blush and look away while he privately stowed the memory somewhere he’d always be able to retrieve it whenever he got to wondering if anyone had ever really loved him at all. That’s how it makes him feel when Jack touches him like this - loved. Safe, and important, and loved. Like he’s someone’s family. Someone’s son, he might even dare to allow himself to imagine sometimes.
Right now, though, it doesn’t feel like it usually does. Right now, Mac is fighting against a simmering panic that’s threatening to grow too large to tolerate the longer it continues. He knows that it’s Jack sitting beside him, knows who the hand on his head belongs to and even further knows that person is someone who would quite literally die before intentionally harming him.
Even so, the fear is strong and thick, taking over everything else until it’s all that’s left. Nausea stirs in his gut and dread hammers at the inside of his skull until Mac is certain that any moment the gentle stroking is going to turn into a vicious grip, yanking on his hair to twist his head back and around, wherever his captor wants him, because his body doesn’t belong to him and there’s nothing he can do to stop-
“Please don’t pull it,” he manages in a faint, nearly inaudible whisper when the vortex of anxious anticipation grew too strong to fight any longer and the only other option was lashing out in a desperate bid to get the man touching him to stop. The hand on his head goes very still, and Mac’s chest feels like it’s cracking into pieces. He closes his eyes and feels the hot trickle of a few tears coursing down the side of his face.
“What?” The question comes after a long beat of silence, and then Jack pulls away entirely. His hand leaves Mac’s head and Mac grieves acutely for its loss. A few more tears make it out through his squeezed-shut eyelids despite his efforts to stifle them. “Do you- Should I stop? If this is uncomfortable for you- if anything I ever do is uncomfortable for you, if it’s freaking you out, then I don’t have to-”
“No!” Mac doesn’t know where he gets the strength to say it, except that he feels like the alternative would be so much worse. “I mean, no, you don’t… You don’t have to stop, just- Don’t pull on it. Please.” The tone on please is practically begging, so close to the way he’d begged Murdoc to stop hurting him when he’d cracked and been unable to help himself, and Mac feels so ashamed of himself he might drown in it. Murdoc had laughed when he’d broken and started to plead, and it hadn’t even brought him any relief. If anything, the pliers had clamped down tighter, a thought that makes his side pulse in remembered agony.
You're not there, he tells himself, and tries to believe it. You're not there. You're with Jack and you're safe. He wouldn't do that to you.
“Okay,” is the response when it finally comes, delivered in a thick voice after a few moments of heavy silence. “I promise. I swear on my daddy’s grave, kid, I will not- I will never pull your hair.” The last part of the oath wavers, like maybe Jack was somewhere near being about to cry himself, and Mac’s throat throbs in a way that’s unrelated to the deep bruises ringing it.
So long passes with only the sound of the movie for Mac to pick up on, eyes still closed and face still turned nearly into the back of the couch, that he begins to feel strangely alone. He wishes he hadn’t said anything at all because the fear of his hair being suddenly and cruelly yanked is better than this. He would take that over the detached cold of feeling like he’s been split open and ruined so thoroughly that nobody could bear to let their skin come into contact with his when reminded of it. And then, just when he was halfway convinced that it never would, the touch returns. It’s even gentler than before and Mac’s chest hitches with something that might have been a sob of relief if it had the energy to be anything more than a slightly jagged breath. The hand brushes through his hair a few times, then Jack flattens it to the top of Mac’s head, his thumb stroking Mac’s temple.
#gav gab#gav answers#writing liveblog#fic: something to hold onto#ask box games#so much of parts 2 and 3 of this fic#part 2 in particular#is run through with like#the constant internal war between traumatic touch aversion and existing touch starvation/need for physical comfort/reassurance#and it SUUUUUCKS#but yknow#they figure out a way through it#there's a callback to this later in the chapter in a scene where mac needs help washing his hair#bc that is like the thing i'm probably more a sucker for than anything else#(hair washing scene)#and i'm just. oof boy ow ouchie
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I'm 3 months and 2 weeks on T now and I'm sooooo happy with it :D the first two months and then some were SLOW, so much so if it wasn't for one thing and the (temporary) side effects of the hormonal mess, I would've thought it wasn't working lol
but over the past month I've started really seeing changes!!
my voice started dropping, I can hear a difference with my voice pre-t!
I'm already growing facial hair on my neck and chin. at this rate I'll hopefully be one of the lucky ones with something decent before the end of my first year on T hehe
my belly is getting hairier
I think my face shape has started to change but that's harder to tell
so yeah I'm really happy because so far I'm getting nice changes and I haven't been plagued with being hungry, hot and horny. no mood changes either or anything. I don't feel any different from before T besides feeling more confident in my appearance. and I still have some palpitations when I lie down to go to bed in the evening and still in bed in the morning but I saw a cardiologist with echography and EKG and I'm good so it's likely the hormones. it was much worse before my third shot when we increased the dose.
also I don't know if it's related but before T I would get really nauseous (at the base of the neck rather than the stomach, idk how to explain it) at least once every three weeks or so, most of the time when I woke up in the morning and then it went away once I got up and went about my day. a week or so after I started T it got worse as in it started happening more frequently, at night too, and sometimes lasted throughout the day. then towards the end of the sixth week, before my third shot, it got so bad for like five days I thought I was gonna die hahaha but same as the palpitations improving, we did the third shot at full dose instead of half and the nausea disappeared. I haven't had a single instance of it since. so?¿?¿??? (both these things were already there before but probably made worse by a medication I started taking a little after going on T though. I stopped taking it as well)
anyways, I did two shots by myself so far, the first one went perfectly well and the second one I felt like passing out but it was likely because I did it in the morning right out of my hot shower sjdkln I lied down for 20 minutes and then felt fine again.
also I got the results of my check-up blood test yesterday and my T levels have very nicely increased (I'm at like 55) and everything else is normal :3
I'm a liiittle anxious because "oh my god what if I'm doing a mistake" but I'm really looking forward to the next few months!!!
but also WELP because besides my sister my family doesn't know. my mother hasn't called me in a month so odds that she'll notice something next time she calls me are not nonexistent and it's Not going to go well and I'm wholly unprepared for that conversation
next week I'm having lunch with my godmother whom I last saw on the day I started T, so that should be interesting too....she's always been supportive and nonjudgmental (to my face at least hahaha) but also given that she believes in the woke agenda I have no idea if HRT is going too far for her. wait and see :')
as for my dad, I'm frankly starting to wonder if he's just pretending not to have noticed anything. the voice I can get because he talks to me everyday so without a direct comparison it's not impossible that he hasn't noticed. but the facial hair??? I have way more than before and it's surprising he hasn't commented on it. anyway. either way the moment my mother knows he's probably gonna be made aware too.
anyway. excitement but also Fear
#beelio talks#also got a 24h EKG planned this month to be 100% sure but the cardiologist wasn't concerned at all#whoops this got long sorry#trans tag
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Another Gaz/Soap Bromance Moment
I've still been thinking very hard about this, and it's officially invaded my main fic and I do not regret any of it.
Because of this, I'm treating y'all to a little Gaz/Soap bro-ment (with like a hint of protective!Ghost if you squint at the ending)
Don't Get Lost
Hurt/Comfort one-shot
It was supposed to be a simple mission. It wasn't supposed to go like this. One second everything was fine, but the next Soap was screaming his throat raw in search of his friend.
God, Gaz. He can't be lost, he can't be. He just can't.
Soap took his eyes off Gaz's back for one fucking second, and now he's lost. There was smoke, and suddenly he couldn't see anything. He was grabbed from behind, several sets of hands trapping him, rendering him useless. He could hear Gaz cursing from ahead of him, his own struggle evident in his voice.
It never should have turned into this.
Soap never should have gotten his hands this bloody, he never should have ended up somewhere dark and cold. He shouldn't be here, laying on stone and bleeding into it. He should up and with Gaz, finishing their assignment without any troubles.
Soap can't stop the tears, the gasps as he stares at the blood seeping between his fingers. He can't die just yet. He needs to make sure Gaz is okay. He can't lose Gaz. He needs to get to Gaz. Soap lets his head fall back onto the cold ground, tears burning his eyes and the strangled gasps making the aching in his chest worsen.
Soap groans before sitting up again, his breaths shaky and shallow. He sniffles before forcing himself to his knees, a cry of pain shooting through his entire torso, the pain escaping in a weak whimper. He gingerly crawls to his vest, it having been ripped off him by the vicious hands that came in the smoke. The hands that never should have been there. He finds the pocket that held a compression bandage and allows himself to fall back onto his side, nausea swarming his vision as the pain becomes unbearable.
He's been shot before, even shot in the stomach like this before, but never has he felt so much pain. Never did he got shot trying to keep watch for his fellow sergeant, his best friend, his brother in arms. He's failed Gaz, this he's accepted. Soap can't stop crying now, even if he wanted to. He doesn't, not really, as he's crying for Gaz.
The idea of failing Gaz and losing him has always plagued his nightmares, and the worst of them couldn't even be comforted by his lover Ghost. After the really bad ones, the only thing that could make him feel better was to go climb into Gaz's bed, to listen to him complain about being woken up, to listen to him tell Soap that he's okay, that everything's gonna be okay, to listen to his heart and let it lull him back to sleep.
Yet here he was, dying and alone, no Gaz in sight. No contagious laughter in his ears, no smile that could rival the sun gracing his vision, no hint of cherry from Gaz's favorite soap flooding his senses. There were no comforting words from his brother, just the tortured sounds of a man who's failed everyone closest to him.
He was supposed to keep Gaz safe and he lost him. He fucking lost him.
Soap hadn't realized he was laying on his back again until his vision filled with an obnoxious light as the window above him opened. Soap closed his eyes, allowing his attackers to finish the job. But it never happens.
Hands press to the wound in his side, a voice whispers in his ear, pleading, begging.
"Soap, mate, please. Please, say something, fuck don't do this to me." Soap cautiously opens his eyes, finally realizing just how tight his chest felt. He blinks away a few tears as he focuses on the face before him. Large golden brown eyes reddened with tears meets his gaze, their long dark lashes fluttering quickly as they move closer.
"God fucking... don't ever scare me like that again. I thought... I thought I lost you." Gaz whispers, his eyes ripping away from Soap's as tears fall down his cheeks. He busies himself with Soap's wound while the Scot stares at him.
"Funny ya say that. Thought I was the one that lost you." Soap manages to croak out, and Gaz lets out a half sob half laugh. He wipes his nose with the back of his hand, barely avoiding smearing his friend's blood on himself.
Soap remembers vaguely grasping at Gaz's pant leg before fading into darkness.
~~~
He wakes up surrounded by a soft yellow glow, not yet bright enough to overwhelm him, but light enough to chase away any remaining darkness. Soap panics as he struggles to lift his arms, the sensation of two heavy weights pressing them deeper into the mattress. He hears beeping, and the fear of the unknown tightens his chest.
Soap lets out a whimper as he tries to focus on his body, focus on gaining movement of his arms once again. Instead, he's greeted with a cold hand brushing against his cheek, wiping away a tear he hadn't realized was there. He blinks a couple of times, staring at the face that has moved closer to him.
"Simon." He croaks out, the familiar pale face surrounded by a halo of choppy blond hair smiling ever so slightly at him.
"Easy, Johnny. We're here." Soap frowns, leaning into Simon's cold hand. That was something he always loved about him. He ran so cold, and Johnny always ran so hot. They balanced each other perfectly.
"We?"
"Gaz is here. Go back to sleep, love. You two deserve it." Soap turns towards his other side, relaxing as his eyes fall on the sleeping form of his closest friend. Their hands were intertwined, and judging by the puffiness of Gaz's eyes, he had been crying until sleep finally took him. Soap turns his attention back to Simon as he gently brushes his hair back into place.
"Sleep, love, I'm serious." Soap nods, but once again ignores his request once again. Gaz stirs slightly, but quickly brightens once he realizes Soap is awake. His warm smile seeps into Soap's very core, and the Scot can't help but smile back. Gaz opens and closes his mouth as he struggles to find an appropriate thing to say. Tears fill his eyes again as he decides against words and instead places a firm kiss against Soap's forehead.
"You ever scare me like that again, mate, and I swear to God." Gaz squeaks out as Soap removes his hand from Gaz's. He chuckles lightly as he wraps his arm around Gaz's shoulders, bringing him closer to return the kiss. Gaz remains with his face planted in the crook of Soap's shoulder, and Soap lays his head on top of Gaz's as he finally eases back into the pillows. A soft, barely audible chuckle pulls him back towards Ghost. Soap frowns at Simon as he stands, but the man just shakes his head.
"If I have to tell you two to sleep one more fucking time I'll knock you out myself." Both Gaz and Soap chuckle at Ghost's threat, and in response, Gaz pulls away from Soap long enough to climb into the bed and curl back against him. Soap matches Simon's smile, a peace flooding his entire body as sleep gently tugs at him.
"I'll be back later, love. Get some rest." Simon whispers once again before leaning down to place a chaste kiss against Soap's lips, and second kiss against Gaz's temple. Gaz extends his available hand for a fist bump, which Ghost obliges before disappearing from the room. Soap lets out a deep sigh, pressing further into the warmth of his brother, the reality of his blood loss starting to make his toes ache with coldness.
"Love you, mate." Gaz whispers and Soap gently squeezes him with his arm.
"Love you too, brother."
#cod mw2#cod mw2 fic#cod mw2 short fic#kyle gaz garrick#john soap mactavish#gaz cod#soap cod#soap and gaz bromance for the win#soapghost#simon ghost riley#ao3 writer#silence is golden but consequences are red#gaz and ghost bonding over their love of soap#gaz and soap
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The symbolism of Shinobu Kocho
Well, long time no see, it's already the last day of our "Loving Shinobu" week. I don't think there would be anything after this post, but I just felt guilty, after the last post. So, I wanted to end this at the collection of ideas that Shinobu holds as the character. Thank you, for paying attention and being here ❤️
Sword
Let me start from the basics. Look at how thin it is. And most of the demons always underrate Shinobu thinking it would be an easy kill. But, little do they know, the agony they'll have to go through.
I like how similar it is to a insect sting. How poisonous it is. How at the edge there is only a one part of the actual katana. Did I say, how beatifull her inability to cut off heads played off? Her unhuman speed. Her unhuman thrust strength. Her incredible intelligence. All of the factors for us to see an actual Hashira. And it f-ing works.
But let's actually talk about the sword. Words written on it
"evil demon" (悪鬼, akki) on the right side of the blade, and "destroy/kill" (滅殺, messatsu) on the left side of the blade.
Showing every slayers thoughts of the demons. There is nothing so individual. All of the hashiras has exact the same words. But, tsuba...
The same as Kanae's. I feel like it would be Kanae's idea to have matching little things. And, as the last think Shinobu dropped in the battle, wasn't her anger, nor renevge. It was her katana. With the same tsuba, as Kanae had at her last moments. Isn't it poetic?
Revenge
Among all of the characters, she is the only to have such a determined goal of killing an exact demon. She is the only one to give their whole life to this. As said in is frame, there is no difference, was she able or not. She had to do it. She had to bring a meaning to her more than a year preparing for this. She had to stop her suffering. She had to avenge her..
At the end, I feel like she was forcing herself to do it. Even if we take Wisteria from our wolrd.. Do you know what is the danger of consuming it?
Dizziness, nausea and severe headaches occur, as well as vomiting
Severe poisoning can even lead to death.
We couldn't see how much Wisteria damaged Shinobu, but by Giyu's observations we can find that she became paler.. and that's one the first symptoms of poisoning.
And after that, we still have information that for getting in her state needs more than a year (or at least so). All of that effort for taking a one, single demon. You may argue that she was thinking about the main battle too. Yes, her poison with Tamayo, but it's different. Completely.
Shinobu's will to take Douma straight down to Hell is making this battle crucial for Shinobu. She knows she will not survive. She knows she will die. She knows this is the end. But. She is doing it for her.
Kanae's impact on Shinobu's life is everything. My favorite parallels that I ever made is her with Pearl (Steven Universe)
If you know, you know. Both of the character had to go through the Hell (war and death). Both of them lost the dearest person of their whole life (Rose, Kanae). Both of them suffering from this the longest, if you compare it to the others. And in SU, there is a line
"Everything I ever did, I did for her"
Pearl
And I'm dead of how good it lays right now here.
All of that was for avenging one, single person. But, that doesn't mean that it was unworth it. Yes, if you ever measure meaning of revenge or someone's life. Life is more worthy, but not in this case. For Shinobu it was more worth it to avenge Kanae. She refused to live a normal life. She choosed it. And, I guess, at the end she was happy.. or I want to belive so
Promise
It comes from her past. I guess, the second clearest memory of that day (first- mama, papa=no). It felt so painful, that she still remembers this promise clear as day. It felt so painful, that she recalled it in fight with Douma. It felt so pity, with her shortness. It felt so horrible, when Kanae's hallucination mentioned it. It still hurts, that this promise hunted Shinobu till her very end.
This promise leds us to another one topic. Shinobu's sacrifice. No, not in the fight. I'm still curious can we count this
As a some kind of similarity between them. But, if Obanai felt it because of "dirty blood". Shinobu felt it because of inability to keep promise.
I love how Shinobu was trying to keep it. No ability to cut demon's head? Make poison that guides them through agony and 9 rings of Hell! Sword too big? Yeet the whole sword, we need only edge! Poison not enough? Make demons choke on it! It's not enough for UPM2? *sniff* *sniff* Is that wisteria? Ooh, gimme gimme.
Even if now I'm trying to write kinda comedy. The next point would be around a 50% made of it.
Last words
I guess you can already see it. Yes, I adore how Shinobu's anger changes everything, and makes her so eye-catching. I mean, can you remember any other last words in Kny? Like
"I promise, I'll marry you in the next life. Would you be my wife?" "YES, yes, I will"
"Set your heart ablaze"
"Let's go home"
Or..?
"I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY. PLEASE, FORGIVE ME" "Hakuji, I already forgave you"
"Brother, why was I even born?"
"Onii-chan, I'll always be with you"
And the Shinobu just snaps at the world, at Douma, at Gotouge. Saying loud enough for Douma to hear
Go to Hell!
Like, It's soo funny and in-character. It's showing just a little drop in the ocen of hatred. But it's still strong enough to knock me off. I could never see Shinobu say something as poetic or long as other ones, but neither did I even thought of her saying thiiiis
I know it's fan-translation. But it feels as canon
Overall
Shinobu Kochou is well-written character in Demon Slayer. We get to see how much Revenge can change people. How strong may actually be one you called "weakest". Through her love towards Kanae we see a long and slow death.
I was happy to entertain you, at least a little bit. Love you, hope to meet again.
Loving Shinobu. Day 7. Last one
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Sweet Mango Slushie ~ For Mala
A/N: Hi guys, girls, and non-binary pearls! Happy belated birthday to @sanccharine. You're awesome in so many ways! ❤️
TW: Heights, Paladin! AU
Masterlist 》》》 Prompt List
A Mango Slushie is something you share with a close friend when the sizing is a bit too big for the both of you. Sharing is a sweet gesture, but someone hogging everything to themselves is the sour end of sharing.
I swear to God, Katie, when I get out of this floating metal box, I'm going to murder you for pulling a stunt like this.
Okay, that was definitely an overstatement because Sparrow would turn you into minced meat if you ever touched her child, and Neon and King would probably turn you away until the day that you die, which would be coming soon if you didn't-
Fuck, I'm spiraling, I need to take a breather.
"Are you doing okay?" Moonsua asks with a soft smile on her face.
She was always the caring type, which made sense given that Moonsua and Katie were friends.
Right now I wouldn't call Katie very caring because she left me up here alone-
"I've … been better." You admit before sighing and looking out of the pod.
"Do you not like heights?"
"Yeah, something like that." You mutter as the ferris wheel stops moving when you reach the top.
Moonsua observes you for a moment before staring out at the view as well.
"Katie's cute, you know, for trying to set us up like this." She softly says as you gasp.
"You knew?"
"You didn't?" She says before laughing. "Ah, she can be tricky at times, but not all of her schemes are fool-proof."
"Yeah… she's something, alright." You nervously rub the back of your neck as you watch the people below you pass the ferris wheel with not a care in the world.
What I would give to be one of them…
"So… do you want to hang out after this? Just the two of us, perhaps?"
Her words shock you as you turn to face her.
"Wait, you're actually into me?? I thought Katie was joking with me when she said you had a crush on me!"
"Of course I am. What's not to like about you?" She looks you up and down before turning back to look at the skyline. "Don't feel pressured. If you want to do something another time, I'm down."
"I'd like to hang out with you… as just the two of us." You repeat before the pod jerks slightly before beginning to move towards the ground.
"Sounds like a great plan." Moonsua gives you a bright smile, and your heart continues to beat faster as you share a smile with her.
The two of you sit in silence as the pod slowly comes to a stop at the ground. You're very glad that your legs don't shake when you stand up, and that the nausea in your stomach stays where it is.
Being on a ferris wheel and sharing a beautiful view with a girl that I like wasn't such a bad outcome after all…
As soon as you exit the ride, Moonsua takes your hand.
"Are you ready to go? There's a lot more of the fair that we have yet to explore."
You look at the ferris wheel for another moment before turning your attention to the girl in front of you.
"Let's go."
"Let's go!" She cheers before dragging you through the fairgrounds for a night full of fun and laughter.
~
You have received a text from: Katie aka Your Favorite Person on Earth 🥰
Katie aka Your Favorite Person on Earth 🥰: How did your date with Moonsua go????
Y/N: I hate you.
You ABANDONED ME :(
Katie aka Your Favorite Person on Earth 🥰: But you got to hang out with a cute girl???
A win is a win, take the W
Y/N: You're so mean.
Katie aka Your Favorite Person on Earth 🥰: I think what you're trying to say is, "Thank you?"
You're welcome, by the way.
Y/N: I changed my mind, murder is still on the table for you.
Katie aka Your Favorite Person on Earth 🥰: EEEEKKK!
You wouldn't murder me, I'm too cute! 🥺🥺
Y/N: Bet.
#kpop x reader#kpop imagines#kpop scenarios#kpop#kpop drabble#kpop fanfic#kpop girls#kpopidol#kpop gg#girl group imagines#girl group scenarios#girl group x reader#girl group#girl group au#kpop au#girl group fanfic#girl group reactions#billlie#billlie x reader#billlie au#billlie fanfic#billlie imagines#billlie scenarios#billlie moon sua#moon sua x reader#moon sua fluff#moon sua scenarios#moom sua au#moon sua reactions#moon sua fanfic
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#12 and #14 for the kiss prompts? :)
12. Sneaking away to a hidden corner to share a secretive kiss + 14. A kiss so desperate that the two wind around each other, refusing to let go until they are finished.
(secret dating + celeb au)
Her phone had been exploding by the time she woke up. Her personal phone, which meant personal issues, which meant her stomach churned with nausea before she drank her morning coffee.
Her alarm clock indicated it was seven am. Ten am in New York, her brain calculated, and she itched to text Luke about his morning. But if she grabbed her phone, she'd have to be confronted with whatever was going on.
Taking a steadying breath, she pushed herself upright, wiping a curl from her cheek, and unlocked her phone.
Shit.
Flynn sent her a link to a tabloid that broke the news, to which other publications quickly picked it up. Or rather: gossip. They had no actual news. Julie harrumphed. She hated the tabloids and those teenybopper papers; she knew it boosted her popularity, but she also wished they stopped existing altogether.
Luke and her hadn't even noticed the paparazzi, or fan, taking the picture. They had foolishly presumed no one cared about pedestrians in New York, so by extension, them as well. Luke lived bicoastal and rarely got approached on the East Coast.
But they pushed their luck.
The other texts were from her management, her P.A., her record label, Carlos, Carrie, Reggie, Alex, and Luke. She skipped all of them to reply to him first.
Luke: are you okay???
Julie smiled. Of course, he wanted to make sure she was okay first. She hadn't checked the comment section under the Teen Vogue post yet, but she imagined several were nasty towards her. Luke Patterson was the sexy golden boy after all, the one that revived punk and headlined festivals all summer long.
Not that she wasn't talented, too. Julie was just... quieter, she supposed, a presence felt but not as boisterous as Sunset Curve. Pop ballads were her forte.
She texted a response. yeah, i'm fine. surprised though. i didn't realise we were being watched. how are you feeling?
He read it immediately and replied. kinda relieved?? is that bad to say??? i wanna show you off jules
The singer rolled her eyes. It was no secret that Luke fell first and harder for her, which showed in all his actions. Deeply physically affectionate, always showering her in compliments and hyping her up, and saying stuff like this: wanting to show her off. It sounded so boyish.
A public relationship was the last thing she wanted, however. It never ended well. So many celebrity couples broke up, or got divorced, while in the public eye and indirectly forced fans to pick a side when it was none of their business. She wasn't intending on breaking up with Luke any time soon, but she didn't want to entertain the public's fantasy in the first place.
This photo wasn't helping.
Albeit not incriminating - they were just talking - it did add to the pattern people were noticing between them. Both were 'single', conventionally attractive, around the same age and in the same industry. It made sense. Stranger assumptions have been created.
Luke sent another text. i'm back in la tonight. catch up tmw morning?
Logically, she should say no and wait for the rumour to die down. In reality, she wanted to see him all the time, and so she agreed and sent a cute selfie with a thumbs up.
~*~*~*~
She noticed him immediately. A twill hat, sunglasses, a vintage t-shirt and cargo pants, hopping on his heels while he waited for her outside a brunch spot. Julie willed herself to not speed up and grab someone's attention, keeping her face in check when he caught her eye.
"Hey- oh!"
Luke snatched her hand and dragged her into an alleyway in between the brunch place and a laundromat. Grinning, he got rid of his glasses and swooped down to kiss.
Julie gently clasped his cheek, enjoying the moment. Yesterday, she was so afraid everything was ruined, their careers and their relationship. Now the kiss stilled her thoughts.
"Hey," he exhaled. "You look nice."
The compliment widened her smile. "Thank you."
Luke and Julie met at the afterparty of an award show. She had won Best Pop Album and his band won Best Alternative Music Album. The entire night, they drank champagne and giggled about the weird sides of the music industry, lamenting about snobby producers and reminiscing the greatest venues. They exchanged numbers and the rest was history.
He just got her, in a way no else did. Though he had a totally different personality, they shared the same norms and values. She was, like, kind of in love with him. A perfect smile did that to a girl.
"How was the rest of your trip?" she asked.
His mouth twitched, gazing at her in that overwhelming, fond way. "I missed you. The boys are so done with me."
Julie laughed. "I can imagine. And I missed you, too."
The hands on her waist tightened. "Explain to me again why no one can know?"
"It's not that 'no one' can know. Everyone in our close circle knows. I just don't want the public to put their noses in our business. But... I didn't think it would be this hard." Her eyes averted to the dirty asphalt. Even their shoes matched. "I don't... I don't want you to feel like I'm ashamed of you, or something."
An incredulous chuckle left his lips. "Jules, the only thing I'm feeling is luck, okay? Trust me. You-" He paused. She looked up to find him struggling with his words. That never happened.
"Luke?"
"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me," he rushed out.
Oh. That was kind of like a love confession, wasn't it? Before she second-guessed herself, Julie threw her arms around his neck and kissed him, hard, humming in delight when he responded just as intensely. His thumbs pressed in her hipbones, raking down her bum and up her spine. It felt desperate. More than a 'hello' or 'goodbye' kiss. It felt like a promise. And they refused to let go of it.
His mouth was hot against hers. Ragged breaths shared when they separated for split seconds before chasing the other again. With Luke's back pressed against the brick wall, she felt powerful, and wanted, and happy.
This was insane, making out like this in an shadowy alleyway in broad daylight, but she couldn't find it within herself to care. Because he was one of the best things that has happened to her as well. She got it now. The thought of someone else shooting their shot with Luke made her ill, to the point that hard-launching Luke on her socials just once to get it over with sounded rather appealing.
Damn it.
Pressing her hands into his shoulders, she let go and took a deep breath. Luke stared at her, dazed and puffy-lipped, with messy hair. She felt like a frenzied high schooler that just made out for the first time.
"Um," she trailed, blinking, "let's... let's go eat."
He shook his head with a laugh. "Yeah, sure." Luke placed the sunglasses back on his head and went to move back into the daylight, but Julie grabbed his bicep before he could.
"And after," she added, nervous, "I'll... announce our relationship on my socials. Because you're really important to me, too."
~*~*~*~
send me a kiss prompt for juke
#i read hidden corner and immediately thought about a regal au where the princess and her guard kiss in the shadows of an alcove but#i went with this instead lmao#juke#julie and the phantoms#jatp fics#kiss prompts
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February 25, 2024
I met up with my family in NYC this weekend to explore and see Hadestown to celebrate my birthday and it was fantastic. I feel so rejuvenated after the quick jaunt (less than 24 hours in the city!). I'm not really a huge fan of NYC compared to my current city, but I can recognize its beauty and appeal (even though it gives me an awful experience of some sort every time I enter lol). We went to the New York Public Library and it was amazing. I wish we had hours to spend in there rather than minutes, but we had a show to get to.
Hadestown was... I don't really have words to express how much I enjoyed the show. I mean, it broke me, wrecked me, body mind and soul, but I'd see it again in a heartbeat. I'd heard about it from a friend of my dnd-friend way back in 2019 during or after a game of, you guessed it, DnD, and I'd wanted to see it ever since. I knew the story of Orpheus and Eurydice; one of my favorite tumblr posts of all time discusses the varied interpretations of the myth, and I honestly go back and read it once and a while because the story has always always always been beautifully tragic to me. So I knew how it ended (but I hadn't listened to the soundtrack--I'd refused all these years). And yet. I cried silently at intermission, knowing that Orpheus' quest would be in vain. I cried silently as Eurydice slowly dropped at the end. I cried during bows, I cried on the way out of the theater, I cried while expressing to my family how beautiful it all was. Why tell a story you know is doomed over and over and over again? And every single time, we hope they get it right, though we know they never will.
The music was excellent, the storytelling excellent, the actors (named and ensemble (even with just five they sounded so powerful)!!!!!), the choreography, the set design, the musicians, the lighting design (!!! (as a once-former lights person I'm keenly aware of the effect lighting can have on a story and whew they certainly used it))... All phenomenal. There was a choreographed bit in "Wait for me" with the lights swinging on beat and, just, wow. WOWWWWW. All involved should contribute to my next therapy bill lol.
My mother said she never realized I was such a romantic and, frankly, I didn't either. I mean I knew I was a crier. If there's one thing Imma do, it's cry. And cry ugly. But I think I'm drawn to stories about what love makes us do. Stories that show us how love can destroy, but we still do it anyway, again and again. We seek it out. We risk destruction for the chance at being known, truly and fully.* There was a line in act one from Eurydice, something like "All my life I've only held my own, now I just want you to hold me," and that knocked me out.
Y'all I think Hadestown might be my new favorite musical, surpassing Aida after, oh, six years?
I also had my first ever migraine during my trip lol. I'd braided my hair very very tightly, so it was pulling on my scalp, slowly forming a headache. That combined with the plethora of street smells, the greasy ham and pineapple pizza (which was so so so so good though, place called Carve), and two nights in a row of less than six hours of sleep (braiding lol) resulted in headache + nausea and I wanted to die. But it was nothing an Exedrin and some rest couldn't fix.
During my braiding marathon (a week and a half because I was so busy ugh (but they look gorgeous!!!!)) I watched Blue Beatle finally and thought it had a lot of heart. Regret not seeing it in theaters, but I think it came out during a period where I was just tired of it all ("it" being superhero movies). Also watched The Flash and thought it was very compelling. Flashpoint is not an uncommon means of exploration for the character, so I've seen at least a couple iterations of the same story, but I think this version was done quite well. It was interesting, well-paced, had a nice ending, and was a graceful way to get rid of Ben Affleck lol (also loved the old Batman theme <3 (ALSO also love Is She With You because that is a banger every single time)). I think Ezra Miller plays a really endearing Flash, shame he's crazy :/
Also watched a lot of animated movies on Max! I watched Belle (another with some "la-la-la"'s hehe) which was odd in many ways but was also cute and beautiful, compelling and full of heart. Then I did a bit of a Ghibli marathon of movies I'd never seen before: Tales of Earthsea, Princess Mononoke, Nausicaa, Arietty. All beautiful in their own ways. Very unique storytelling, gorgeous art, powerful messages. There are still several I want to see!
I finished Batman Beyond and the ending was dumb anticlimactic lol. The least they could've done was a two-parter that built to something satisfactory. Honestly the epilogue episode in JL (JLU?) was more compelling. Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker was pretty solid though. I think I'm going to give the DCAU a rest now hehe. Gotta catch up on the MCU, frankly. They've got some interesting things coming up...
*ReesaTeesa's "Who tf did I marry" series was something else. That was another thing I watched while braiding. Finished in two days. Was watching while making figures in the office and someone recognized her face lol. Three things. 1. I did not know a person could be tortured in the way that she was. What happened to her was awful, and it was only because she put herself in the vulnerable position of seeking love. 2. I can't say I fear a pathological liar specifically, but one of my romantic fears is wanting someone's affection so badly that I overlook red flags. Wouldn't be the first time. 3. I know how the internet works, so I shouldn't be surprised, but imo finding her ex's facebook and flaunting it in her comments was a breach of the social contract between ReesaTeesa and her audience, and it should not have been done. She does not want to be associated with that man. I fear for her peace and hope that he does not attempt to make a single penny off her. Was I curious too? Yes. But a person's privacy is more important than my curiosity, always.
Today I'm thankful for the time I got to spend with my family. I'm so thankful to have a family I enjoy spending time with. Teared up while saying goodbye :') We're considering making this a yearly thing while I'm in school here. That would be lovely. Also thankful that things are looking up for my sister, it's been a rough school year so far, but things are shifting toward the positive rapidly! Lastly, lowkey thankful that the subway was out of order today on my way back to my apartment. Forced me to take a shuttle which drove through parts of the city I'd not been to yet. Excited for spring and summer treks there, though!
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Friday, July 20, 1962
To Dr. Ruth Beuscher:
First of all, please charge me some money. I feel a fraud and a heel to be cadging time and advice out of you for nothing...My last New Yorker poem [Tulips] earned me $270, so I can afford the luxury of a good psychiatrist, which is you.
The virginity, as it were, of our marriage ended Friday the 13th (Oh we are very superstitious in our house) & I went to a friend's with the baby leaving mother here with [two-year-old] Frieda & went through the whole bloody thing minute by minute.
At first I thought, why did he have to f*** this woman in this nasty way? Then, after I had got over the nausea, got the doctor to knock me out for 8 hours after a week of no eating or sleeping, I thought: Thank God. I am free of so much. And this was probably the most economical way to do it, although at the time of my misery I thought it the cruellest.
I remember you almost made me hysterical when you asked me if, or suggested, that Ted might want to go off on his own. This was heresy to me then, the Worst. How could a true-love ever ever want to leave his truly-beloved for one second? We would experience Everything together.
I began to worry about the purity & strength of my love when I found myself thinking: Why doesn't the bastard leave the house and let me put my hair up & dust & sing. I think obviously both of us must have been pretty weird to live as we have done for so long.
I was always having nightmares about Ted dying or being in accidents & for this reason could hardly bear to let him out of my sight. For fear he would desert me forever, like my father [who died from diabetes when Sylvia was eight], if I didn't watch him closely enough. And he must have had enough desire for womb-comfort to stick it out. Well, we are 30. We grow up slowly, but, it appears, with a bang.
I'm damned if I'm going to be a wife-mother every minute of the day. And as I am a pretty faithful type, and have no desire left for malice or revenge on Ted, to 'get back at him,' I'd just as soon make love with Ted. But coming from a distance, from a space, a mutual independence.
The little conventional girl-wife wanted Ted to come back & say: My God, how could I hurt you so, it will never happen again. But I knew I couldn't really stand him to say that, & he didn't. He told me the truth about the femme fatale. And I didn't die. I thought my capacity for conventional joy & trust & love was killed, but it wasn't. It is all back.
And I don't think I'm a suicidal type anymore, because I was really fascinated to see how, in the midst of genuine agony, it would all turn out & kept going. I really did believe it was the Worst Thing that could happen, Ted being Unfaithful; or next worst to his dying. Now I am actually grateful it happened, I feel new.
I have no desire for other men. Ted is one in a million. Sex is so involved with me in my admiration for male intelligence, power and beauty that he is simply the only man I lust for.
I know men feel differently about sex, but I thought, they, too, were capable of deep and faithful love. It is not very much consolation to me that Ted really deeply & faithfully loves me, while he follows any woman with bright hair, or an essay on Shakespeare in her pocket, or an ability for flamenco dancing.
The thought of Ted making physical love to them, registering them under my name in hotels, letting all the people we know see this, hurts and nauseates me horribly. I feel if he really loved me he would see how this hurt damages my whole being, makes it barren, and deprives me of joy in lovemaking with him.
All the stupid little things I did with love - baking bread, making pies, painting furniture, planting flowers, sewing baby things - seem silly and empty without faith in Ted's love. And the children who so delighted me are like little miasmas, crying for daddy.
-Sylvia Plath
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thank you @stormxpadme <3 it's always lovely seeing you in my notifs
Rules: pick any ten of your fics, scroll to the midpoint, pick a line (or three) and share it. Then tag ten people.
uhh my fingers are very uncooperative right now so i'm just going to say that if you see this, consider yourself tagged!
brave new world
They are laying together, shared blood staining the floorboards beneath heaving bodies. He is too weak to move and he loathes that he must die next to the man who took his life away. Chrollo is quiet, quiet enough for Kurapika to mistake him for dead until the other man shifts, moving himself until they are face to face, dying breaths mingling in the space between their lips.
They are only inches apart when Chrollo closes the gap, copper staining wheezing breaths. Their lips brush and he cannot bring himself to move away—his spine is severed but he would not move away if he could, frozen in place by a dying man’s stare.
“These violent delights have violent ends.”
They do not last much longer after that. He dies in a lover’s embrace, cracks forming in the recesses of his mind.
2. protea
Chrollo’s voice interrupts his thoughts but Kurapika does not let him finish, grabbing the lapels of his open suit jacket as he pulls the other man into a harsh kiss.
His mind is blissfully silent, even as Chrollo stiffens against him in obvious shock, suit turning to stone beneath his fingertips. The low thrum of anxiety that has been building in his chest claws at him, begging for attention as his mind slips into a state of disrepair.
He does not know what he is doing, nor why he slides his hands down the unbuttoned jacket, letting his arms wrap around a lean waist. He does not know why he does not move away, he does not know how much time passes and he is ready to move away when he feels posture shift beneath his fingertips, a calloused hand cupping his cheek, lips slanting against his own.
3. spiraling
The hand that he raises to his face finds his cuts carefully bandaged, though his hair feels heavy and it ghosts over what he knows is dried blood as he runs his fingers through it slowly. He’s shaking badly, he knows this, but he can’t help but keep carding his fingers through his hair until they get caught in the blood and Itadori starts all over again in a sick cycle. He wants it gone, out of his hair immediately, but he’s too scared to pick it out himself. The nausea is almost overwhelming and the trembling is getting worse until a shape moves in front of him—when did his vision move out of focus?—and catches his wrist in a firm grip, halting his movements immediately.
4. wishes left ungranted
She hadn’t cried since the day he died.
It was impossible for her not to wonder about what could have been. Sometimes she would dream about a warm hand slipping into hers and squeezing it gently, making her smile. She would chase the feeling until she woke up and found her own hand empty with the only warmth lingering there being her own.
5. as fate would decree
They sit in silence for a few more minutes until Vórime suddenly grabs her crutches and stands. He accompanies her to her horse and watches her mount with ease, using the straps on the crutches to sling them over her back. There’s a smile on her face as she waves goodbye and he finds himself watching her leave, finally going inside when she enters the treeline and vanishes from sight.
6. broken windows
Inuyasha raised an eyebrow and Kouga groaned at the shit-eating grin that slowly appeared on his face. “Are you sure you don’t just like watching me practice? Me, all sweaty and glistening after a long practice. I look quite dashing.”
7. flash
He didn’t see pity in the counselor’s eyes. Instead, he saw sympathy and understanding along with a tinge of sadness in those ancient eyes. They betrayed the counselor’s youthful looks. Glorfindel believed their ancient eyes betrayed every elves’ looks. It was something they were unable to disguise with immortality. The sadness was quickly blinked away and was replaced by a calm mask.
8. aduial
Melian wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her tunic before continuing, her voice cracking slightly. “I remember when Luthien was first learning to walk, she kept falling over again and again, but she would get up each time and eventually she was able to walk. Whenever she was faced with an impossible situation, she found a way to get through it. Not even death stopped my daughter. Yes, she made mistakes. She made so many mistakes, but that is part of being alive. The true show of spirit and strength is getting up even when you feel you cannot continue on any longer. Arwen did that, just like my daughter. That is what I see in young Arwen, and I could not be more proud. And most importantly, she is not Luthien. She should not be Luthien, and she must learn that on her own. You shall never succeed in life if you try to be someone else. The only person you can be is yourself. Arwen will have a hard time learning this, but she will understand eventually.”
9. just a bit frightened, that's all
Miwa shifted forward and wrapped one side around her left shoulder before moving closer to Kokichi and letting their shoulders press together before putting forward the other side of the blanket as a small offering. He blinked and a small dusting of pink appeared on his cheeks as he took the blanket and wrapped it around himself, leaning into her slightly.
10. definitely not fate, perhaps just a cat
“You’re going to kill me, aren’t you?” Itadori whispers to the black cat staring him down. “You’re just waiting for the opportune moment. I trusted you even after the first time you bit me. And the second and possibly the third, but now we’re done. I know you’re evil and I will prove it.”
Sukuna winks at him? Itadori swears that Sukuna, the demon cat, winks at him before a deadpan voice cuts through the amiable silence of the lobby of the veterinary clinic.
“Uh, Itadori-san?”
Itadori freezes at the monotone voice that’s tinged with confusion and possible amusement—he definitely heard Itadori talking to Sukuna, before slowly collecting himself and turning around with a smile while praying that his skin doesn’t reflect the embarrassment he feels.
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Friday, September 13th 2024, 1am
I miss my darling a lot, especially since we're long distance. It really hurts not being able to hold them, but I stand strong knowing that I will get to hold them one day. That I am theirs and they are mine.
For a while my love was offline entirely, and I sort of thought they were dead. I tried to move on, to fall into obsession over another. But it didn't work. I couldn't love anyone else. Sure the others are cute, pretty, handsome even. But they're not them. They're not my [ANGEL]. I can't love anyone else. I can't obsess over anyone else. My darling [ANGEL] is the only one for me. Stumbling upon them, talking with them for the first time, it was a euphoria like I had never known. One I can never know without them.
I truly thought that the expression of a grey world suddenly gaining colour when someone met their soulmate or falling in love at first meeting, were just. Fairytales. Because before my [ANGEL] I had known crushes, I had liked people. But I had never loved, never obsessed over anyone. I might've thought I had, but now I know. My love for my darling is not like any other type of emotion or relationship.
I feel nauseas, sick, ill, empty, like the world is ending, when they can't talk for extended periods of time. When they did post in the past, if it was about their anons all I felt was jealousy and rage. Tempered only by their love and affection, their assurances and how they always responded to me before they did anyone else. My darling is like the sun, without them I will wither and fade, able to only be a shadow of my former self.
I'm glad they're alive, I know they're in a lot of pain, but I selfishly want them to keep on living. I don't want them to die. It would kill me.
I should probably sleep soon. I think I'm going to just delete the alt acc I made to try find someone to move on from my one and only with. As sweet as the people I've met on it are, someone there thinks they have a chance with me, and I just can't. I can't. I can't love anyone but my [ANGEL] and leading anyone else on is cruel.
It's gone. Now no one thinks unrightfully that they have a chance.
No distractions can be allowed anyway. I didn't love them, I love my darling, my angel. My lover. We're dating. I only tried to move on because I thought they were dead. it had been so long. I'm glad they're ok, even if not fully. I'm so so happy they still love me. i can't love anyone but them, no one comes even close.
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