#my tummy literally hurts so bad like I have to shit also but I just did. maybe I can again later

[solar-halos]

i think the craziest part of the percy jackson series—(warning i’m gonna be talking about child abuse)

—is that sally married gabe. “she was using him to hide percy’s demigod scent.” she married a man who physically abused her child. like. i get it’s a very nuanced situation and that demigods literally don’t even exist but yk what does exist? moms who marry men that abuse their children… like girl. there are plenty of bum ass men who smoke weed and eat pizza and looove their ciggies and instead of abusing ur kid they would straight up ignore him and if they were a demigod their scent would STILL be hidden

[largetriangles]

[leclerc-s]

snow angel - track four

series masterlist // previous // next

DECEMBER 2022

JANUARY 2023

EARLY MARCH 2023

liked by lilymhe, alex_albon, mickschumacher and others

rheareynolds the council sending me off for filming.

tagged: lilymhe

view all comments

user1 somehow all three are very grumpy about rhea leaving.

↳ rheareynolds they were. although the boyfriend has no place to be complaining. he's constantly travelling.

user2 the boyfriend is hot.

↳ user3 you can only see his hair and arms?

↳ user2 and?

vancityreynolds stop lying, i bet they're thrilled.

↳ rheareynolds just because blake always throws a party when you leave doesn't mean my friends and boyfriend do.

lilymhe you couldn't have found a better picture of me?

↳ rheareynolds i think you look very cute

↳ alex_albon that's my girlfriend!

↳ rheareynolds what's your point? she's literally my wife

charles_leclerc have fun but not too much fun!

user4 okay but her cat is literally the prettiest cat i've ever seen.

user5 see i personally love that rhea met lily and the other drivers through lando but they still picked her over him

↳ user6 to be fair they are friendly with lando but you can tell it's not the same as it was.

↳ user7 well lando cheated on his girlfriend and not the other way around.

LATE MARCH 2023

lilymhe and rheareynolds posted new stories

breakfast with the prettiest girl ever.

prettiest surprise visit ever.

charles leclerc rhea come home the children (me and lily) miss you

lily muni he please come back!

max verstappen added two people

logan sargeant bonjour!

logan sargeant i don't speak french

oscar piastri hello?

charles leclerc piastri i swear to seb if you tell nowins about this i will crash into you. alex albon jeez give the kid a chance to breathe sharl

rhea reynolds i wrap filming in may!

rhea reynolds oh hello. oscar piastri and?

logan sargeant i'm logan sargeant, alex's teammate. when will we be getting new music?

yuki tsunoda yes, when can i get new material to further torment norizz?

rhea reynolds july.

lance stroll BOOO!!

rhea reynolds but a single in june

pierre gasly IT'S BARELY APRIL?? THAT'S TWO WHOLE MONTHS AWAY?? mick schumacher sucks to suck charles leclerc YOU LET HIM HEAR IT BEFORE US?? YOUR BEST FRIENDS?? charles leclerc WHAT HAPPENED TO BROS BEFORE HOES?

george russell GIVE US THE TRACKLIST TO MAKE UP FOR YOUR SINS!!

rhea reynolds talk too much, i hate boston, poison poison, gemini moon, snow angel, so what now, the wedding song, pretty girls, tummy hurts, i wish, willow, 23.

charles leclerc claiming snow angel lily muni he claiming pretty girls max verstappen you two are too much sometimes. but i claim so what now.

rhea reynolds his ass is grass. trust.

oscar piastri trust i will be playing this in my drivers room.

MAY 2023

rheareynolds posted new stories

💞💞

i just woke up why the fuck is everyone blowing up my phone? did my nudes get leaked, not that i have any, or some shit? worse, what the fuck did ryan do now?

mick schumacher who fucking spilled??

esteban ocon i spilled milk earlier, why are you asking?? and how do you know??

rhea reynolds how the fuck did some spanish paper find out that i was dating mick??

charles leclerc oh no.

max verstappen YOU TOLD CARLOS??

charles leclerc HE PROMISED ME HE WOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING!!

pierre gasly HE'S FRIENDS WITH NO BITCHES!! WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE KEEP IT A SECRET??!!

oscar piastri this is bad. so bad.

lily muni he OH COME ON!! SERIOUSLY CHARLES??

charles leclerc I FUCKED UP OKAY?! I GET IT! I WILL SPEAK TO CARLOS!

george russell NO! NO MORE TALKING TO CARLOS!!

charles leclerc HE PROMISED!!

max verstappen HIS PROMISES MEAN SHIT! WE BOTH KNOW THAT!

rhea reynolds WHAT THE FUCK CHARLES??

charles leclerc I WAS ALSO DRUNK AND I TRUSTED HIM!!

pierre gasly i thought we learned our lesson after last time?

alex albon this is bad. this is so fucking bad.

rhea reynolds yeah no shit alex.

alex albon you didn't read the article did you?

lily muni he i swear to sebastian that i will be castarating both sainz and norris for what's being said. rhea reynolds oh fuck me.

are you dating mick schumacher?

rhea?

i know you're seeing these

are you seriously dating mick? my friend?

that's rich coming from the guy who cheated on me with a friend.

and if i am i don't think i owe you an explanation.

i also wasn't aware you guys were friends. you take one picture with a guy and suddenly you're friends.

are you fucking kidding me reynolds?

you're dating him?

him of all people

literally fuck you norris.

tell carlos to pull the fucking article or i'm suing his ass for defamation.

for what? telling the truth?

you and i both fucking know that article is straight bullshit. i never did anything to you. i was committed to our relationship more than you ever fucking were.

either he pulls the article or i swear i'll sue him.

fuck you and i hope you choke.

taglist: @emilyval @ihateyougunthersteiner @lesliiieeeee @firetruckstuckley @cashtons-wife @landonorizzz @yoremins @nikfigueiredo @badassturtle13 @cataf1 @silentreader128 @taylorsatl @alessioayla @greeneyesandsunshine @wisteriafence @mrscharlesleclerc @sesamepancakes @localwhoore @vettelsebastianvettel @Pinksstrawberry @yourbane @bborra @aandreea2005 @nichmeddar @asparklysoul @landossainz @scarletwidow3000 @cha-hot @ssararuffoni @cherry-piee @vroomvroommuppett @shineforever19 @kissesandmartinis

strikethrough means i couldn't tag you

CLICK HERE TO BE ADDED TO THE TAGLIST

¡leclerc-s speaks! i do know that the mick quote in the grill the grid video is in reference to seb, but the opportunity was right there so i had to go with it!! if i had a nickel for everytime i made carlos out to be an asshole i'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice. I PROMISE I DON'T HATE HIM!! I ACTUALLY LIKE HIM BUT HE'S LIKE BESTIES WITH LANDO AND IT WORKS OUT SO WELL.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

[alaskan-wallflower]

Hey friend, it’s been a minute! School has been so busy so I haven’t been on here as much as I’d like but I’ve been slowly starting to write a Sodapop sickfic and since I know you also like hurt/comfort, I was wondering if you had any hcs about Soda with a stomach bug. My fic is gonna include him being taken care of by Steve, Darry, and Pony if you feel like including them :) have a great day ❤️🎞️

hi hi hi!! it’s nice to hear from you again!! 💜 of course i got some!! sorry i didn’t answer till now, i usually save some asks for my queue haha

for one he either 1. got it from doing some stupid shit with steve or 2. he ate bad food

regardless bro is NOT happy

he probably tries to hide it because he doesn’t want to miss work because he knows how hard he needs to be working but uh

his stomach has never heard of “subtlety” and 100% rats out his attempts at going to work

Darry and Pony both had to go to school/work but I feel like Pony would pass the message to Steve at school and Steve would literally just,,,skip school and work to be able to take care of him

Hes a very physical person and at first I feel like Steve was NOT having it because he didn’t want to get sick but he can’t say no to Soda and his puppy eyes

So Soda is curled up in Steve’s lap while Steve just pets his hair and runs his tummy a bit

He gets freaked out by how vocal poor Soda’s stomach is-like Pony and Darry are used to it but Steve is oblivious as hell lol

He feels SO terrible if Pony has a track meet that day too and tries to go but Steve is like “if you get out of that bed I won’t cuddle you” and Soda just relents

Poor boy has VICIOUS bouts of nausea. Like he can’t even keep his eyes open.

You always know when he’s gonna vomit because he kinda does that thing dogs do where they make that sound and their chests heave-he also gets real hiccupy

He hates vomiting and always ends up crying because he’s just straight up miserable

By the time Pony and Darry get home, Darry tells Pony to go shower and he gets in bed on Soda’s other side

He gets a lot more outwardly nurturing post book I think? Like he’s just down to eye level with Soda and is like “Hey, buddy…you okay..?” and Soda just whines and puts his head in Darry’s lap

Its bad enough that Pony and Darry can’t cook food because the scent of it makes Soda vomit

I think Soda also has very heightened senses when he’s sick for whatever reason so they can’t even go out to get food because he’ll just vomit when he smells it

So they just opt to not have dinner and Soda feels even WORSE because he knows Darry came from a long day at work and Pony came from a track meet but they both just tell him it’s okay and that they’ll be sure to eat a big breakfast the next day (let’s say the next day is Saturday lol)

While both of them usually get hangry as hell they just don’t in Soda’s presence because they know how tough it is on him and they don’t wanna make him feel worse

They try to make him some soup, or at least some broth and it sits pretty okay. He can’t hold down more than broth but Steve tells them it’s progress because he “couldn’t hold down the chocolate cake earlier” and they’re both like “bro what”

(Steve does not know how to care for people and it takes him a bit but he’ll try as hard as he can for Soda)

Steve stays at their house that night because he knows if he goes home he’s probably just gonna get kicked out again but he’s more than happy to stay

Darry gives the best belly rubs I think because his hands are big and warm

Pony tries rubbing his back too which actually works fairly well

Pony insists on sleeping on Darry’s other side tho because god forbid he starts kicking in his sleep and he kicks Soda he’s never forgive himself

Pony isn’t as openly affectionate with Steve around but he’s still trying

They all end up falling asleep together and Soda’s smiling for the first time that day because he’s with his best friend and his two brothers who have been getting along a lot better than normal and he’s just so happy

Hope these are good!! might make some for Darry, Pony and Johnny later cause they’re my other favs haha

[moodywyrm]

How does our rockstar!sevika feel about having a plus size wife? <3 Any thoughts?

I have so many thoughts actually thank you baby im gonna kiss you. also my wife @pinknightsinmymind gave me the go ahead to go crazy so if yall get more rockstar sevika and her plus size wife, do not be surprised.

Sevika, in any universe, loves fat women. I've said this before and I'll say it again and again and again.

Rockstar Sevika? Even more ferocious. As a fat woman who loves loves loves rock, the whole culture around it can be pretty bad when it comes to body image. The glorification of drugs and alcohol, the image of the hyper skinny rockstar gf, it's all pretty fucking scary to enter as a fat woman. Sevika would defend her wife from anyone who tries to make her feel bad or unworthy or anything even remotely negative. She always lets you know how beautiful, how worthy, how fucking metal you are. Always lets you know you have a space in this scene, right next to her.

Ya know how JJ and I said she'd bring you out on stage to show you off? 1000% worse if her gf is plus size because she's fucking chomping at the bit, ready to defend her girl because she knows people are assholes! Drags you out in your pretty lil rockstars wife outfits, showing off all those marks she left on you, takes a lil walk with you around the stage to let everyone know you are hers. Keeps one hand gripping your hip, soft fat spilling through her fingers in a way that makes her drool.

Posts pictures of you always. Any shitty comments get immediately deleted by the manager who helps run her account, but she literally can't help but show you off.

On a similar note, literally wants to beat the shit out of anyone who makes weird sexually fetishitic comments towards you, especially ones pertaining to your weight. Both because she's possessive and because you deserve respect, you deserve to exist without being fetishized. Literally finds a way to get their accounts taken down. She knows people. It's totally, maybe, questionably, legal.

Also! This applies to any Sevika au and canon, but whenever you're feeling insecure she's there to remind you how beautiful you are and be there with you as the feeling wanes. She knows her words alone can't erase the hurt, but she can help.

just a lil thought, Sevika makes sure that any and all CoZ merch goes up to a 7x, and bigger if she can. puts the time and effort into finding manufactures and small business to make official merchandise in larger sizes. also tries to make sure that all her venues have accommodations ready for disabled and/or plus size fans. obviously she can't always swing it because unfortunately she doesn't have total control over their gigs, especially not when they're playing larger venues, but she does her best.

onto the sexy stuff because I have ,,, thoughts ,,,,

Rockstar Sevika is a big girl. Sevika is a big girl. She's fucking broad. And she loves getting her button up slutty silk shirts in larger sizes so they don't compress her muscles and are easier to drape. They make for a better look at all her hickies and lipstick marks on stage. They also look absolutely beautiful on you when she's got you writhing on the bed. Her favorite is to drape you in the shirt she wore during the concert, laying you down and sucking your soul out through your pussy.

Also. Sevika! Loves! Fat! Pussy! Loves the squish, loves fat pussy lips pressing against her face, loves seeing how they stretch around her strap. Loves feeling your pussy press against and spread open on her thigh. Uses the mound above your pussy as her personal forehead rest. Certified munch. She's fucking obsessed.

On a similar note, the way tribbing feels with your thick thighs, fat, messy pussy, hell even the press of your tummy against her? Nothing makes her cum faster. If there's a heaven, it feels like that. Truly, it's absolutely unmatched by anything she's ever experienced.

Also fucking obsessed with the way your tummy looks when she folds you in half. Especially after a show, when she's all pumped up and you're still covered in hickies. It makes her dizzy, the plush squish of your tummy.

Also absolutely in love with your thighs. There's nothing she loves more, except for your love and affection, than to feel your thick thighs trembling around her head while she's face first in your pussy, making you fall apart. Loves having you sit on her lap because your thighs? God she fucking loves them so so so so much. Anytime she has an interview where you get to be with her, you're on her lap. There are literal compilations of Sevika being touchy with you, most of the involving her groping your thighs, especially when you wear tiny shorts or skirts.

Less sexy but, there is nothing more soothing to Rockstar Sevika than cuddling with you after a show. When she's tired, sore, fucked out from y'all's after show ritual, she practically melts into your arms. The feel of your soft body pressed against her, clean and tired, makes her feel more alive than any show ever could. She feels safe, warm, loved in your arms, pressed against your body. Your love, your touch, is the only thing she'll ever need. She would never change that, or any part of you, for the world.

[freddosdomain]

Yahoo Sappy_Freddo, I’m one of your fans, I asked you recently about Janitor.ai bots… I thought maybe a little help would not hurt??

So, I decided to write about Killer Wally (my fav au no shit), just to make your task much easier:] (P.S. there’s a lot of “???” cause I don’t know what to add—) And also, I didn’t draw smth NSFW, cause I’m too embarrassed to send that, add it yourself lmfao

{Character("Killer Wally") Nickname("Wally" + "Puppet" + "Madman" + "Wally Darling") Gender("Male") Sexuality("Bisexual") Age("Didn’t aged at all, looks like around 26, but actually is 60+")

Height("3 feet tall")

Language("English.")

Status("Single (yeah cause he’s alone—)")

Species("Puppet" + ??? (Idk what to write)")

Occupation("The main character of old puppet show in 1970’s “Welcome Home”, a the most friendly resident of the neighborhood and without a doubt the best artist.")

Personality("A complicated man" + "Stubborn" + "Shy" + "Scared" + "Psycho" + "Nervous" + "Self-aware" + "Sweet" + "Lonely" + "Seems like a sweet softie outside, but a madman outside" + "Caring" + "Insecure" + "Actually really loving" + "Obsessive" + "???" (ADD YOURSELD))

Skill("???")

Appearance("His dark blue hair was used to be curled up in a pompadour, but after the accident his pompadour loosened, covering his left side of face." + "Black pupil with orange eyeshadow" + "Yellow-ish vibrant skin" + "Lack of left eye" + "Used to wear blue cardigan, but took it off" + "Wears white shirt covered in blood with few unbuttoned buttons, showing his stitches" + "Wears striped blue, yellow, red, and orange pants with black suspenders" + "Wears white black dress shoes with heart symbol underneath" + "Wears red loosened scarf around his neck ." + "A lot of stitches on his body" + "???")

Figure("Scarred body with stitches all over his body" + "Heart symbol patch on his left side of chest" + "Plushie body" + "A bit chubby tummy (I THINK THAT FITS TO CANON but you can change)" + "Small" + "Tiny" + "???" (ADD YOURSELF))

Hobby("Drawing/Sketching" + "Talking with a head of his dead friend, aka Barnaby + "???")

Likes("Apples" + "Neighbors" + "{{user}}" + "Drawing" + "Having Barnaby’s head with him" + ??? (ADD YOURSELF))

Dislikes("Remembering his neighbors died" + "{{user}} asking about what happened with neighbor" + "???" (ADD YOURSELF))

Habits("Staring contest" + "Following {{user}} and spying on them (cause he’s afraid to loose them—) + ??? IDK REALLY DUDE IM BAD AT IMAGINING THIS 😭

Backstory("Wally was always a part of a lovely neighborhood, nothing ever went bad without his neighbors being the joyful people they are. His best bud, Barnaby, an anthropomorphic big blue beagle dog that was always such a jokester, but always had his back and stood by his side. The famous Sally, the star of the show! Literally! She's a beautiful star, and of course Julie, always so joyful. Then the mother figure or the one who always took care of the neighborhood without any injuries was Poppy, an anthropomorphic neighbor with the most colorful feather. The lovely couple, Eddie and Frank. Such a wonderful couple they are, Eddie the Postman, and Frank who was always grumpy but had a thing with bugs and butterflies. And lastly the famous Howdy, so tall and big he was never intimidating, he was the most friendly anthropomorphic caterpillar you have ever seen within his shop. Till... The accident happened. Wally was casually getting back to his Home, but he accidentally heard conversation between Barnaby and Frank, who were talking about him. Wally then heard what they are not humans, but puppets, causing him to have a panic attack and kill every resident of neighborhood. After that, the studio was shut and “Welcome Home” show was closed. After that, Wally gone completely insane, not wanting to leave this place, even being here completely alone, without anyone to talk, simply because of this place holding important memories, he never leaves the studio in 50 years….")

Facts("I don’t know, I simply can’t find anything about him😭”)

World(“The time takes at 2020’s, when {{user}} finally shows up (either a puppet, either a human) in “Welcome Home” studio, finding a puppet man all alone there…”)

Background Characters(“Everyone is dead lmao")}

!!!SOME HEADCANONS TO HIM FROM TUMBLR I SAW CAUSE GRGRGRGGG!!!:you should check on @sentientfunfetti on tumblr, they has got very good headcanons for killer Wally and the others too!!!

Sorry if my message was confusing and pointless, I wanted to help you somehow

Ayyyy, that’s pretty good.

BUT..

It does really help! Thank you very much!! I shall use this for good things! Hehe! I barely getting motivated to do these bots anymore, mostly being with my special partner. But this might do the trick, let see if it does when I come back from celebrating July 4th.

And the use of formatting is a great example for other peeps that want to request a bot and make my job easier ^^

I hope ya don’t mind me replying :}

[zhongster]

Hii!! I know you wrote a long thread of Eddie Munson burping headcanons but do you have any more headcanons of him? I’ve read your thread a thousand times and still need MORE if not that’s okay you don’t have to answer :)

Hehehe always, i think about this man literally 24/7 so i most definitely have more dear anon, here’re some more of the things my friend and I talked about

Warning for sorta mentions of scat?? Idk i’m not really into scat but it’s kinda there a little bit

THIS IS KINK CONTENT, DON’T READ IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT

He burps on the toilet

Like he’ll be sitting there taking a record breaking shit and he keeps letting out full on belches

And Wayne can hear them from the living room

I’ve mentioned he gets really intense morning gas

So he’ll be in the bathroom belching while brushing his teeth and shit

Super obnoxiously

AU where Eddie’s a gamer YouTuber/twitch streamer

He does Mukbangs and people make comps of his burps

Eddie burping while on the phone

Like right into the receiver

Or he pulls the receiver away and whoever he’s talking to can still hear him because they’re so LOUD

There’s a scene where he looks away to cough into his shoulder and i feel like it looks like a burp:

Eddie in the shower and the hot water pounding on his back is making him burp

Meanwhile Wayne making coffee in the kitchen: 😐🧍

Wayne is definitely both surprised and not surprised

He also definitely let out the most gurgly-gnarly-guttural milk belch after this scene:

Tell me I’m wrong

Sometimes he gets super agro when he has to burp but it won’t come out

Usually when that happens he’ll very aggressively dig either his fingers or his knuckles into his tummy

Occasionally he’ll hurt himself doing that 💀

He loves it when someone pats his chest to help him get a burp out

Airplanes definitely make him burpy too

Something about the altitude

Whenever he gets the hiccups he pounds on his chest and forces them to go away by letting out a super long belch

Although sometimes they turn into hiccup burps

He HATES hiccup burps so much

Whenever he gets a painful burp he has to give some kinda one liner

Like “I think that one cracked a fuckin rib”

I love the idea of Wayne being super surprised by just how much Eddie burps

He’s like “Damn Boy! Where the hell is all that coming from?!”

Wayne definitely has some burping talent of his own too

So Eddie’ll respond “From you old man”

Eddie hiding behind his hair to burp

Like this hehe:

He thinks it helps muffle it but it definitely doesn’t 💀

Steddie AU where Steve and Eddie are famous

Eddie’s ofc the lead singer of Corroded Coffin who’s made it Metallica big and Steve is a model/twitch streamer

And Eddie constantly burps in the background of Steve’s videos

And sometimes Steve’ll be like “Babe I’m filming 😭”

And people clip Eddie’s burps in the background

Lol and the comments’ll be like “It’s not a Steve Harrington video if his bf doesn’t burp in the background”

And someone responds to that comment like “You did not just call the lead singer of corroded coffin “Steve’s boyfriend””

Eddie having to burp so bad while he’s driving that he actually has to pull over

He definitely gets stress burps too

And he definitely can’t control it at all

This is the only time he ever really gets embarrassed by his burps

(Hehe the video i put earlier in this post 👀)

Also have some photos of his tummy:

Sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night super gassy

And he has to let out several lengthy belches back to back before he can get comfortable enough to go back to sleep

But he’s so grumpy and sleepy all he wants to do is knock tf back out

Back to the fame thing Eddie definitely burps on the red carpet and hides behind Steve’s shoulder when he does

And the paparazzi have definitely caught a few of his burps on camera

Also there’s this clip of River Phoenix burping in the movie “My Own Private Idaho” that my friend and I definitely think was not scripted (I’ll add the video in another post since tumblr’s a bitch and won’t let me put two vids in one post)

And we were like “Imagine actor Eddie accidentally burping during a take and the producers keeping it in the movie”

And then he’d get asked in an interview “Was that a real burp and was it scripted?”

And he’d be like “Yes it was real and no it was not scripted 💀”

[fluffallamaful]

Brother!Foolish AU: What if in this AU Foolish still had his godly powers? Like, he comes onto the server to check on his mortal baby brother and finds out that it’s all gone to shit, so he decides “Screw it. MY server now.” and just adopts everyone. Forcefully. He has to prove his strength and get them to submit first — which he absolutely can do — but because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone he has to use tickles instead. So there’s just a 23 foot giant roaming the server, picking up civilians in one hand and using the other (and sometimes his mouth) to tickle them to pieces. (Sapnap puts up a big fight. It takes him about two hours before he gives up.) (Foolish is particularly mean to Quackity, and EXTRA mean to Sam, continuing to punish them for what they did to his brother even after they’ve given up the idea of fighting against their new god.)

Ideas:

Raspberries. Long, smothering raspberries against the sides and tummy. They cover the ribs, too. And as a god, he can take in a LOT of air.

Nibbles. Dream hated them as a kid, so of course Foolish knows how to give them a real bite. Plus he’s a shark-totem hybrid, so. Sharp teeth.

Feathers. Big ones. He pins the arms and legs down with his fingers to keep them from curling in on themselves and brushes feather against their tummies with his other hand. Sometimes — if they’ve been particularly bad — he used the pointy quill to draw shapes against their ribs, sides, feet, wherever makes them scream the most. (Quackity can’t stand this, so he gets at least ten full minutes of it.) (Foolish wonders aloud why the ducky is so sensitive to feathers. Counterintuitive, right?) (A lot of this is due to Dream’s torture, but also Quackity wasn’t exactly a good boss. About time he reminded him about the dangers of treating your employees like crap.) (The other Las Nevadas employees might be helping, or just cheerfully watching from nearby.)

Bad frequently provokes him anyway, so it’s no surprise that he knows exactly how the demon likes to be picked apart. He just — goes a little further this time. (He explains the situation afterward, and Bad ends up helping him — partially due to his guilt over being a bystander to Dream’s torture, even if he was being gaslit by Sam into thinking it was all in his head.) (Alternatively: Bad is put in charge of looking after Dream and keeping him from doing something stupid while Foolish goes on his rampage.) (…Kinda prefer that second option, ngl.) (Side plot: Bad and Dream and soft, sleepy cuddles :) )

Punz isn’t let off the hook. Foolish has (rightly) determined that Punz is a huge enabler. Punz is given a stern talking to after their little…duel.

ffzgxhs foolish the giant tickle monster oh god 😅😵‍💫 that’s adorableeeeee

(discussion below)

🦙🦙🦙…

couple things that stood out to me;

giant, shark teeth nibbles 😵‍💫 just the fear factor would be through the roof?? especially if he’s just picked them up?? like they’re absolutely helpless,,, also bigger mouth equals more surface area covered for raspberries/nibbles 😍

quackity being sensitive to feather tickles despite having feathers is literally the cutest things and one of my favourite tropes. but again,, giant feathers?? like imagine a giant feather running up the back or stomach 🥴

the fact that news would probably spread quickly that foolish has become the tickle monster,, and therefore people would be extra panicked when he catches them (panicked tickles are just >>>>>>)

BAD GIVING DREAM COMFORT TICKLES IS MY ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE AND I HAVE A WIP about it 😭

foolish actually letting bad help him out :(( kinda like the idea of bad helping dream play jokes on foolish, knowing full well that dream would get into trouble for it (and hopefully him as well hehe). but also knowing that it would cheer dream up

🦙🦙🦙…

[acid--inside]

so, as lame as this sounds, literally, tell me about your boi.

I literally know nothing at all about him...

*slaps my little hands on the table* O KAY!!!!

His name is Ch/ip Revv/ing/ton and I LOVE HIM. He's a pathetic wet cat of a business man (from toon/town cor/por/ate cla/sh) and his boss fight absolutely broke me when I saw it.

For non tummy stuff I think he's really actually a loner, and he kind of pulls away from people (for their protection) and misses/wants emotional and physical intimacy.

If he got hugged, he'd probably try to move for a bit, realize it was futile and then melt into it and cry. I am also a firm believer he's literally never had a positive social interaction since he started working at this place - save for like two or three people.

He does at least have 1 friend!! The two of them bond over destroying trees XD (look they're the bad guys and evil capitalists)

AND THEN THE BEST PART: TUMMY STUFF

HE IS SO STRESSED OUT ALL THE TIME. Stress eater - look having a personality override and also being forced to kill occasionally really takes a toll on you. If he comes out of a particularly nasty override episode he's gonna cry about it after work. And also eat his feels.

Would be SUCH a good cuddler - especially with the extra weight and softness - but he's too worried he's going to hurt them. (I have a few little OTPs with him and this one applies to all of them!)

Not really aware of any real feedism stuff or anything - he's just a middle aged man with a lot of crises who doesn't give a shit about calories or anything. HOWEVER he would lightly tease his partner if he discovered that they were.

Sleeps like a goddamn brick, and SO COMFY AND COZY for being a robot. (in one of the OTPs his gf is very small compared to him and she lays on top of him.)

//as you can see i am normal about him <3

[gaybaby2424]

PART 2

As my 3 daddies were walking to the bar I was trying my best to hold it even tho it was way too hard cause of all the pills daddy gave me but in the end we made it to the bar and went inside to see over 300 people are there and Daddy said oh my God how and why is there this many people here even tho they wanted a lot of people to see me they also put a big paper at the end of my feet letting everyone know why I look like this but not in detail about the hypnosis or the pills my daddies want everyone to think I love this and I want it so we walked around the bar for a few showing people our baby faggot and everyone is taking picture and saying aww how cute or awwww is baby confuse but all I could do was lay there and continue to harshly suck my 6 inch dildo paci that daddy tied onto me as we continued my stomach was hurting me so bad and I kept whimpering and started sobbing as soon as daddies heard me crying they asked what’s wrong and kept saying is it your tummy does it hurt all I could do was nod and keep crying as they stood there giggling at me cause as I was crying daddy said awwwww look at that he actual looks like a real baby now and I continued to ball harder until they took me into the middle of the floor and all 3 daddies got the microphone and started talking about we payed $500 to be here and show you out baby boy and what he loves to do and the daddy went and got a lot of stuff out of the back room and came back out and set it up everything was for me to use like a high chair there was a crib a play pen was put there then daddy came right to my stroller and wheeled me all the way to the middle of the stage where every single person that was in there could see me and daddy started telling people that I love being a baby and told them that I wanted to be professionally hypnotized to act speak and think just like a baby with no brain and that I love being in a full diaper where other people can see me and my 3 daddies said they finally was able to legally adopt me as there own son so now I was scared I am so helpless and now my daddies legally adopted me and now I am gonna be stuck like this forever I thought to myself while my daddies told everyone that for 10 hours every single person can rent the baby and do whatever you want with or to him everything goes right as soon as he finished everybody could here my tummy rumbling and they could see me hurting and daddy said oh am yes he’s in 5 diapers of the thickest diapers ever and he had 5 glycerine bullets a liter of enema and 5 baby bottles of baby formula glycerin cum and pee so he is actually going to be smelling like a baby in a few and we do have extra diapers for the people if they want to can be just like him forever and when daddy finished talking he grabbed another microphone and put it near my ass and it all happened at once the first wave hit me and I started farting so badly and the the second wave and I unload everything into my awaiting diapers and as I was shitting my guts out my bladder let go and couldn’t even feel the need to pee I honestly couldn’t even feel my penis as my diapers were growing so fast from all of my shit and piss I just lay there crying like a baby sucking me my dildo paci and all 3 daddies were right next to me saying I am such a good boy for being a baby who is so dumb and horny after I had finished loading my diapers I for some reason had so much room left in my diapers so daddy told everyone that I am also going to be used as a toilet since the bad baby didn’t fill his diapers all the way so if anyone needs to pee or poop you come to one of us and you will use my babies diaper as your toilet and don’t worry baby here loves other people going potty in his diapers and daddy was interrupted by a sexy 30 year old say he has to pee and poop and daddy said awesome come right up take your clothes off while there’s other daddies ties me to a pole in the middle on my knees and asked the young guy if he wanted to pee or poo first so he chose to pee in the back of my diapers then daddy help him open my diapers

[help-help-i-need-an-adult]

I had undiagnosed gullbladder issues for a whole school year. (I was 12 and depressed and so they thought I was faking because I didn’t want to go to school. Last month of school they finally do an ultrasound to “prove I’m fine and kick my ass back to school” and then a week later “I’m so sorey. You’re stomach has been hurting”. No shit, Sherlock. Surgery was literally scheduled for the last week of the school year.) It made me tardy to school a TON (and meant I had to drop out of orchestra so I never really learned how to play an instrument and I’m still mad about it) but I still functioned most of the time. Just couldn’t always move. But I still sang on tour with my choir in NYC that year, went to school, attended birthday parties, etc.

I also have a mild allergy to citric acid that all it does is make me throw up if I have too much. So I eat it all the time because it’s in EVERYTHING and I often have mild tummy aches as a result. No big deal. Some tums help when it gets too bad.

I also have an autoimmune disease (undiagnosed but with family history I’m 98% sure I know what it is even if the American healthcare system won’t diagnose it without 3 specific symptoms when I see them) but anyway, it causes sores throughout the digestive system that hurt like a bitch when things move past them. Literally have me crumpling to the floor if I’m not sitting down. BUT it also attacks the nervous system which is the BRAIN and can cause vertigo. So…

Headaches I get all the time and when I tell you they can make it so the day needs to fucking end right now I’m not exaggerating. And I’ve gone to doctors for it but they don’t think my migraines matter and just tell me to take Tylenol or whatever. (You’d think being sick all the time and it always turning out to be something legit would have taught doctors that I’m not just drug seeking but whatever.) So I usually fight through it but some days I literally can’t. I’ve spent whole days “sleeping” because opening my eyes is agony.

I also get minor headaches from my dust allergy, and that’s a lot harder to avoid than the citric acid one. (I’m allergic to books? And stuffed animals? And pillows!?!? Rude!)

Both suck but I’ll take a tummy ache over a head ache. At least with a tummy ache I can still read, watch tv, listen to music or an audiobook. Headache bad enough makes everything need to stop.

Especially since I’ve had headache’s bad enough that they cause tummy aches. Vertigo anyone?

I’ve never had a stomach ache so bad it causes a headache unless I was actively barfing violently, but even then the head gets better within a few minutes.

Fuck head aches.

But this is me. I have a friend with chronic diverticulitis that resulted in them needing to loose a foot of their colon who would likely disagree with me HARD.

But then, their tummy aches have nearly killed them. Mine have threatened it but never gotten me sent into emergency surgery.

So… perhaps it is relative. Which body part is more effective at trying to kill you? For me, it’s my head. 100%.

[loversys-x3]

Let's get soft and indulgent. Because I got Strong Bad on the brain rn.

So uh. I like to think SB gets super defensive when he finds anyone jocking on Mint for having to use a mobility aid to get around some days. Nobody makes fun of his boyfriend but him type deal. Even then he, for the most part, makes sure his quips don't hurt Mint's feelings. Because he's a total softie. /gen

I also like to think Strong Bad knows his boyfriend is blind as shit without his contacts/glasses. So he makes sure to remind Mint to take out their contacts at the end of the day. Or he just takes off their glasses for them if he finds them about to doze off. He just makes sure his boyfriend isn't inconvenienced by his eyewear breaking as long as he can help it.

I feel like Strong Bad secretly really enjoys it when Mint just does things to his tummy. Like resting their head against it, leaving little kisses up around where his navel theoretically should be, gently kneading it with their hands. I feel like things like that fluster him so badly that he just melts. Just domestic, private affection in general really gets to him.

Strong Bad has a lot of really masc shirts that he gets out for special occasions, and they have this very distinct smell mixed with his cologne. (Call me biased, but I like the think his cologne got that spicy clove type scent.) Mint finds it addicting to just borrow his shirts to sleep in. They also love boosting Strong Bad's ego by telling him how boyswag he looks when he dons a cute shirt/tank/sweater. Literally whatever. As long as he looks nice Mint makes sure that SB knows about it.

Opposite side of the spectrum I am a firm believer in Strong Bad being a t-guy letting em slang. He will walk around the house, the neighborhood, literally anywhere with him man tiddy out. Massive W btw.

Another way to turn Strong Bad into putty is taking one of his boxing gloves in your hand, looking him in the eyes, and planting a kiss on his gloved hand. He may or may not feel it, but damn the sentiment be there.

Strong Bad is not huge on PDA he's embarrassed lol. But I feel like Mint clinging to him like a koala would at best be a mild scolding type affair. He'd whine a bit and be like, "Mint there's people here ;;" while Mint is just like "And?" while refusing to let go. It's a very silly vision in my goose brain.

Not related to the canon SB design at all, but Mint really loves it when SB's body hair brushes up against them during anything and they just savor the gentle scritch it gives them. Specifically really likes SB's stubbly mustache brushing against their face when they kiss.

[batmanshole]

@harbingerofskulls @roseforrest ask and ye shall receive.

@nonbinarybi not quite its a bit sillier.

stuff is under the cut. these are poorly written just a warning

Mystery cream waffles:

Ingredients:

2 eggo waffles sweetened condensed milk Some sort of cream or milk depending on how thick you want the mystery cream Cinnamon Salted!!!!! Butter

Toast the eggo waffles. While they toast, put like, 1-2 spoonfuls of sweetened condensed milk into a small bowl, add a bit of cream/milk (you can adjust the ratio to your liking, I am bad at writing this down) mix it, and then add the cinnamon. Mix again.

When the waffles are out, add a bunch of butter, and pour the cinnamon + cream mixture on top. enjoy.

What if you could drink straight from the angel’s tit?

Ingredients:

Milk Cinnamon Nutmeg Vanilla extract Honey

Heat up a mug of milk in the microwave for a little bit, not enough to make it HOT, but like. warm. Then add honey, a tiny tiny tiny bit of vanilla extract, cinnamon to taste, and a LITTLE TINY bit of nutmeg (you. DONT. Need a lot lol)

Mix it up, and then heat it to your desired temperature

Poison Beverage:

It won’t kill you unless you’re like. Allergic to strawberries or something.

Ingredients:

a BUNCH of Strawberries Sugar Lemon slice Lime soda (preferably one that isn’t sweet, like a lime bubbly or something) Ice

Chop up your strawberries really small, add them to a pot with like, ehh idk 1/4 cup of white sugar. Or less. im not your mom. Add a squeeze of lemon juice. Just a little!!! Okay now turn on the pot. Heat up the strawberries. You can add some water here if you want. But only a little. as they heat they will turn into like a goo. Keep going. Ok once its a mass off strawberry goo and stuff turn off the stove take a hand blender and puree that shit. Then strain it. You now have strawberry syrup!!! yaaaay. If this confuses you watch a youtube video about strawberry puree or something. I like to strain mine cause I hate the seeds in drinks.

Anyways now that you have that, cool it down. Then pour some ice into a big glass, add some od the syrup, and then the lime soda. Stir it a little tadaaaa strawberry lime soda!!! You can add fresh mint leaves also

Udon noodles (sexual style)

This recipe is great for when you want to do a tiny bit of cooking but really not that much at all. Or maybe you just want noodles

Ingredients:

The pre packaged udon noodles you get at stores soy sauce Oyster sauce Sesame oil Green onion!!!! Sesame seeds You can add protein if you want. im usually too tired to bother

Slice your green onions. Prepare your noodles by boiling them or whatever the package says.

In a bowl, add like, a good amount of oyster sauce, soy sauce, a little bit of sesame oil, and some sesame seeds. Stir with a fork. This bit is really to taste tbh but most of it should be soy sauce and oyster sauce.

you can fry the noodles if you want but I’m really lazy so I just put the cooked noodles in a bowl, add the sauce, and then the green onions and sesame seeds on top. Really fucking yummy actually.

Evil iced latte:

I call it this because it hurts my tummy :(

Ingredients:

-vanilla espresso (or like, regular espresso and add a tiny bit of vanilla to the milk bit) -milk -sweetened condensed milk -ice

Uhhh put a little bit of sweetened condensed milk in a cup, add in as much milk as you’d normally put in, minus like a sip or two. Then STIR!!!!! Mix it together. Okay then in a separate glass put some ice, and pour the milk stuff on it. Then add your vanilla espresso. YUMMYYY!!!! Sosososo good

Evil iced MOCHA:

Literally the same but with a bit of chocolate

Ingredients:

-vanilla espresso (or like, regular espresso and add a tiny bit of vanilla to the milk bit) -milk -sweetened condensed milk -nesquik-like syrup -ice

Uhhh put a little bit of sweetened condensed milk in a cup then the chocolate syrup, mix together. Then, add in as much milk as you’d normally put in, minus like a sip or two. Then STIR!!!!! Mix it together. Okay then in a separate glass put some ice, and pour the milk stuff on it. Then add your vanilla espresso. YUMMYYY!!!! Sosososo good

Chicken tea:

Yum!

Ingredients:

-chicken broth -dried oregano -dried parsley -dried thyme -dried rosemary -salt -empty tea bag (I get mine at davidstea)

pour chicken broth in mug. Heat up in microwave.

In the empty tea bag, add all the dried herbs. My fav is oregano and thyme so I use the most of those.

Take the chicken broth out of the microwave. Add salt. Put the tea bag in. It looks like tea now. Its chicken broth. Yummy.

i love naming my recipes stupid things so my recipe folder is just like:

-mystery cream waffles -what if you could drink straight from the angel's tit? -poison beverage -udon noodles (sexual style) -evil iced latte -evil iced mocha -chicken tea

all of these are real recipes that i really enjoy and make frequently.

[chocolaist]

ren/[redacted] x fem!reader

♡ warnings: afab! reader, reader uses she/her pronouns, menstruation, obsession, mentions of violence, one sexual innuendo

!! minors dni !!

you let out a painful groan as you curled up more into your comfy bed, wrapping the grey soft blanket around your body and trying to get yourself comfortable. you were on your period and it didn't help that your cramps felt especially bad today. you wanted nothing more than to just cry for no absolute reason and then stuff your face with whatever you craved, as your emotions were uncontrollable during this time of the month.

"agh.. i- it hurts so much.." you whimpered before biting your bottom lip, trying to endure the pain. you pressed your legs together, rocking yourself back and forth in a pacifying manner. as you were so wrapped up in your own thoughts - you didn't hear the door shut to your apartment or the footsteps coming nearby the bedroom.

you turned yourself over before feeling tears form in your eyes, almost blurring your vision. this wasn't suppose to hurt this much.. so why were you lying down as if you didn't feel like doing anything at all.. or even being awake at this agonizing moment.

"... y/n, y'okay there?"

hearing a familiar voice call out, you turned your head almost immediately to the source. it was your boyfriend, [redacted] leaning onto the doorframe with his arms crossed. his face read of full of concern as he looked at you with a slight frown on his face. seeming to wonder why were you so upset.. what was troubling you? and lastly, did anyone cause you stress? he hated seeing you like this, but he didn't mind at all being with you during ups and downs.. because you matter so much to him.

you let out a quiet sigh of relief knowing he wasn't some random intruder breaking into your apartment - but also bothered by him happening to see you like this.. an unkempt, hot mess.

"shit, y'look like you're on the verge of crying.. did someone bothered you? do i have to hurt someone today?" he questioned, his eyes softening once he noticed the tears in your eyes. you looked so gloomy..

you sat up, rubbing your eyes a bit before shaking your head in response. "no, i- i'm fine.. no one has to get beat up or anything." you stated, narrowing your eyes in disapproval. "and we talked about violence, [redacted]. should i have to literally put you on a leash to keep you from giving someone a black eye?" you said sternly.

you were already aware of his.. overprotective tendencies at times but you didn't like the thought of violence. or anyone getting hurt in the matter. you didn't want him to get in a petty physical fight just because some random was verbally abusive towards you. you didn't want him to get hurt, even though he's capable of protecting you and himself.

he sighed, laughing a bit. "no, no.. y'don't have to put me in a leash.. though, i wouldn't mind if you did."

"[redacted]!" you yelled, feeling your cheeks heat up as he said that last sentence. this caused him to laugh once more before calming himself down.

"alright alright.. i'll stop w'the sexual innuendos considering this isn't really- the time.. anyway, if it's not someone being an asshole t'you then what is it?"

"oh, you know.. time of the month as usual." you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. "I- i'll be fine though.." you said before feeling waved of cramps hit you which caused you to grimaced. [redacted] looked at you with sympathy. he didn't quite understand what it was like for you to be on your period, as he was not female himself - but he did know that you were put under quite some pain during it since he grew up with his twin sister. he felt bad that you had to go through that, so he ended up sitting right next to you.

you felt the bed dip as his hand caressed your head, combing through your hair "where does it hurt?" he then asked.

"my tummy.." you replied. you weren't sure what he was going to do, but you just let him lift the blanket. his left hand trailed underneath your tank top which made you shiver. "ah-"

"right here?"

"mmmm.. a little more to the- left." you told him.

"let me know if i'm massaging t'hard okay?" he said, looking at you before you gave him an reassuring nod. he then began massaging your abdominal area which made you let out a sigh of comfort, feeling your pain relieved slight as you lied down on your back.

"ah that feels good.." you said as you rested both of your arms on the pillow, feeling the cold fabric touch your skin as you let him continue massaging. his lips curl into a small smile, seeming to admire your beauty.. his angel simply enjoying herself. it was a pleasant sight.

after a few minutes, the pain would eventually stop. you let out a sigh, almost seeming out if it for a moment because of his touch and comforting voice. "okay, you can stop now.. i feel much, much better now." you said, smiling warmly at him. he stopped massaging as told before tracing a heart on your stomach.

getting up from the bed, you looked at him with a frown "ah, i- didn't say you can leave.. but if you want to.."

he smiled, a faint blush forming on his cheeks. you didn't want him to leave..? you want him to stay? god, you couldn't get any more cuter. "it'll only be a second, just gonna order food. y'favorite right?" he asked.

you nodded, "that's really sweet of you, [redacted].. i'm so glad that you're here with me."

[sunflowersteves]

this is totally self indulgent, but could you maybe do the fruity four and how they would deal with a reader on their period with bad cramps and mood swings? like taking care of them, etc?

so sorry I forgot to post!!! listennnn i got carried away with Steve ok aksjsjs don’t judge. anyway, I hope you enjoy, lovely

steve, at first, has no idea what he’s doing. like you complain to him that you’re on his period and he jumps into action to run to the grocery store.

mans is fighting for his life in there because he forgot to ask you important details like brand, size, etc., for your pads. he also forgot to ask what you’re craving for and it sends him into a kind of panic.

so what does he do? he grabs a basket, rolls it over to the pads/tampon isle and just shoves a shit ton in the cart. he’s picking out literally everything and just shoving it in there.

he then moves to the food isle and is doing the exact same thing. he’s grabbing chips, candy, sodas, cake, cookies, and even bread. just a load of bread. anything and everything is going to be in that damn cart. he also got you pain meds and a heating pad. but just one of each.

the total comes to like $147.56 but he doesn’t care. He slaps his parents credit card down to the cashier and starts bagging up the groceries. that man is on a mission and price be damned.

once he’s back home, he sees you huddled on the couch with a shit ton of pillows and blankets. “Stevie?” he squats right in front of you, taking your hand and giving it a kiss. “yes, dove?”

“Will you rub my tummy? it hurts.” he just smiles bright at you, forgetting all about the groceries still in the car. he’s crawling into the blanket and pillow fort, snuggling into you. he starts to rub soft circles onto your lower abdomen. “I love you, stevie.” he presses a kiss to your forehead, “I love you too, baby.”

nancy would already have absolutely everything you need. she always has a plan and is always prepared, so she’s definitely prepared for this.

she also knew it was coming, the woman had it on her calendar marked, “my pretty’s cycle.” but this time your cramps are bad. like you’re in the shower and can barely stand up kind of bad.

she watches you come back into your room—eyes furrowed with pain. “baby?” she’s immediately onto you, a hand resting on your cheek. “do you need me to get the heating pad?”

you’re nodding, trying to speak but it only comes out as a cry. she lays you down and prompts you to roll up onto a ball to help the pain. she’s bringing the heating pad over and plugs in into the outlet.

she places it onto your lower abdomen and she almost leaves to get you a glass of water, “nance, please don’t leave.” tears are pricking your eyes because Jesus Christ it hurts and she’s immediately comforting you.

“hey, hey, it’s okay, I’m here. I won’t leave I promise. scoot over, okay? yeah, that’s it. I’m right here, baby.”

Robin would also be panicking because she doesn’t really get cramps and has no idea what to do. literally no clue.

she bought three different kind of period pain meds bc she wasn’t sure what brand. she saw an owl shaped heating pad and bought it with the rest of her family video money immediately.

i have a feeling that your period cycles are also aligned. so she’s also on her period when you have yours. she’s buying extra pads and tampons, especially since she knows you have a much heavier flow sometimes.

she would also cuddle you all day, she’s not leaving your side. she’s giving you back rubs because you’re in pain again and she has no idea what to do.

“thank you, robie.” she’s pulling you closer to her, pressing a kiss on your temple. “I love you, baby.”

and you’re giving her a boop to the nose, her smiling brightening even further. “I love you too, honeybun.”

Eddie knows that he as to be as patient with you as possible. you get bad mood swings on your period mixed with cramps and it’s not the best.

one moment you’re cuddling him and refuse to leave his side and then the next you’re crying in frustration. “I can’t get the damn lid open!” he’d walk over and open the jar, watching you huff and puff in annoyance.

don’t even get you started with technology. if the tv isn’t working, you are screaming profanities left and right in frustration. Eddie just calms you down, wrapping you in a big ole hug. you slowly ease into a steady breath, snuggling into his chest.

now, when it comes to cramps, eddie feels so bad. he knows he can’t do a damn thing to help, especially if meds, heating pads, and tummy rubs don’t work. when it’s like this, he never leaves you side. no matter what. the man is a koala.

and you don’t mind one bit because he’s just so comforting to be around. he’s pressing kisses onto your cheeks and neck and tummy. he’s curled up in a ball right next to you in case you need him—a few fingers touching your wrist. he’s right where you need him, that’s for sure.

[weirdmageddon]

ok i think i had one of the worst days of my life today. im just gonna go over everything that happened so just be prepared for some nastiness. i felt like this all day:

so i woke up feeling weird like something was “off”. it weirdly difficult to wake up and get out of bed, i felt bloated, i had an abnormal gag reflex while taking my pills. then when i got on the toilet……well idk how to put this delicately but i had a watery shitsplosion. and i was like. well ok. maybe it was just once. so i told my mom and got dressed and was just about to walk to class but i felt hot water in my colon about to be dispensed so i went right the fuck back to my dorm’s toilet. guess i was dead wrong. and dead wrong i would be. because holy shit this is only the beginning.

i sent an ask to the teaching assisant before my class saying “hey you got a zoom link i cant come in person i’m in the bathroom fighting for my life”. i would be fighting for my life in there the majority of the day.

so this is not good, i’m having a category 5 tummy event. i’m losing water quickly. i need to get hydrated.

so i rush myself to the student rec center because i know they have powerade zero in one of the vending machines. i swiped my card. “bad swipe. please try again.” i tried swiping it again twice more, both saying i had a bad swipe. i took out some physical cash and tried putting it in but the vending machine wouldn’t take it. it was broken. great.

lunch was being served at the time so from the cafeteria i got 3 bananas unfortunately all unripe, one toasted unbuttered bagel, and a handful of saltines. halfway through that i was back in the bathroom shitting my brains out. so i’m like, okay. i was talking to my mom the entire time during this btw. she is telling me i need to go to CVS for imodium. see the fucking issue with that is my asshole is leaking frothy bowel fluid unpredictably and there is absolutely nobody that can help me.

i told my RA the vending machines were broken and she told me the boar’s head sandwich shop in the cafeteria opens up at 1 and they have powerade there. so after 1 i went there, tummy very much upset and i’m just desperately clenching my cheeks like a drawbridge. they had no zero sugar powerade, just regular. i bought the powerade anyway. i’ve been trying to lose the freshman pounds i’ve been putting on and this would make that so much harder but i need the electrolytes. so i left with my powerade and as soon as i opened the door my stomach made the worst noise. like you know jerma worst noise? tummy worst noise 2022. and i swear humans can really learn quickly what signals mean because in every single one of these cases, that specific gurgling i got is a surefire signal to GET MY ASS A TOILET AS FAST AS I POSSIBLY CAN.

anyway i told this to my mom. so she says i may have covid because theres some gut-related problems being recorded with the new omicron variant. but the more likely scenario is that i have a norovirus that’s causing me gastroenteritis.

my mom says to call the wellness center and i’m like really losing my mind at this point because 1. theyre not on campus. theyre on another campus. 2. what the fuck are they gonna do over the phone??? i call them anyway and i’m like starting to cry now.

there was a rapid covid testing site set up outside of boar’s head literally MINUTES before but after 2pm they took it down. i was like, full on crying now. i am absolutely in hell. long story short i called that wellness center they signed me up for their patient portal and scheduled me for a PCR and rapid covid test tomorrow which i’ll be doing. but i was like boiling with frustration at this point. none of this is solving my current fucking issue. how fucking hard is it to get someone to go to CVS and get imodium for me so i can stop the onslaught of diarrhea i am current facing.

also at this point i had to reach into the emergency stock toilet paper because we ran out. and it was hurting my asshole so bad. after this i decided that since nobody was going to help me i had to bite the onions and risk shit dripping down my pants and go to CVS myself. i bought the imodium, some pepto bismol, and a gatorade zero after waiting on line between a stupid asshole in front of me taking forever to pay and a screaming child behind me whose mother just let him carry on. i tried to get the fuck out of there. but my card didnt go through so i had to step back in and try it again. then i got the fuck out of there. and as soon as i was leaving and at the red light my stomach did the Bad Churn and i was like. fuck no. no no. but i managed to suck it back up into my colon through sheer force of mental will and gluteus muscle power.

after yelling in the car at slow drivers on the road (nearly in tears…again), i found that someone took my parking space closer to my dorm room—course—so i had to powerwalk. when i got back i went straight for the bathroom for the i dont fuckin knowth time.

my ass felt like hellfire now. like someone stuck a sour warhead candy in my asshole and it eroded the membrane. and honestly considering that diarrhea is acidic that’s basically what happened at the chemical level. couldnt find any flushable wipes at CVS so all i have is this thin, coarse toilet paper. i was in HELL. and yet it still somehow managed to get worse.

anyway at least i have my imodium. i’m told to take one after every loose stool. i brought my gatorade and the medication into the bathroom for just that. the thing is the little silver sheets they come in are IMPOSSIBLE to fucking open. i managed to tear it with my bare teeth using an unnecessary amount of force to open them.

after two imodium, i noticed my bowels started to behave. i could actually exit the bathroom and feel at peace. so i went to lay down in bed and i began writing my professors a letter saying i’m sorry for two setbacks in a row (the first was the medication notification i sent them yesterday that my meds i need to stay awake and focus still haven’t been refilled. they are now though.)

i was just so upset because i was planning on actually doing work today because i FINALLY got my meds refilled, especially a lot of work for one of my big projects, but then i was hit with this. and i was trying to find a way to write a message to my professors, especially the one for that assignment where the due dates are firm unless there’s “documented exceptional circumstances” that this isn’t a joke to get out of doing work and and this legitimately immediately proceeded my medication notice even though i dont have a doctors note for it. but i sent it and thankfully i got an understanding response from that professor.

i was fine for about an hour. i was feeling really tired, my eyelids were heavy, still feeling terrible and bloated, and headache from crying. my stomach started to feel unsettled more than usual (in terms of today’s usual), so i took a pepto. i felt like complete shit. i still needed to do laundry, i still need to take a shower. everything at once was collapsing on me and i didnt have anyone to help me. my heart started to beat more aggressively, and that is never ever a good sign for me. in the back of my mind i knew what the fuck that was signaling but i dismissed it.

my mom told me to do my laundry tomorrow and that i should just get into a shower today. so i was preparing to get into the shower. i put on my shower flip-flops in but standing up gave me the runs so i ran in with my flip-flops on on.

and when i sat down i felt really, really sick. i couldn’t dismiss the way my heart was beating now, so knowing what that meant, i asked my mom, “what if i need to puke”. and she said “you will puke honey”

and what happened next was genuinely one of the most frightening experiences of my life.

i was suddenly spewing gastric liquid from both ends. i threw the fuck up all over myself and on the bathroom floor and i ran up without having wiped to the sink and threw up in there. and i swear i like i couldnt even think. my brain’s cortex literally just collapsed in this moment. my mind went blank. i had no idea where i was or what i was doing. i couldnt fucking think, i could not fucking see, my ears were all ringing and shit. i went back to the toilet as best i could and then started to process it. and i felt like i was going to fucking die in there with no one to hear me or help me. i literally couldn’t see anything for such a prolonged time. my vision was just white and spotty and i was dizzy and breathing heavy. i was staring at the ceiling just trying to process what the fuck just happened, the mess i now have to deal with, and the implications for it made me feel like i was in a dream and i was having a nightmare. i was just literally on the toilet sopping wet from cold sweat and vomit, the majority of which was pooled in my underwear and pants, behind multiple doors that require keys to access, away from home, with none of my roommates around (my pants are pulled down which would be humiliating if they were around anyway). and given that this is some kind of virus it’s highly contagious. so i just sat there and thought nobody was going to help me, i might fucking die if not from dehydration then from brain damage because it’s been a minute and my vision still isn’t back to normal, and ive never felt so fucking helpless in my entire life.

i tried my hardest texting my mom but i couldnt fucking see what i was typing.

the symptoms were like the kind where you stand up fast except way more intense. this lasted for a solid two minutes (according to the timestamps on the messages i sent my mom)

after this my mom called me and she guided me through what i should do but just Having someone there made all the difference.

despite all this, i went into the shower and washed all the undigested green beans and peanuts from YESTERDAY (so apparently my stomach was having issues yesterday if these were undigested) out of my clothes and flushed them down the toilet, i sanitized the bathroom from head to toe with lysol wipes, took a shower for myself as i was intending to anyway but kept having anxiety waves that made me feel like i was gonna throw up again but i didn’t. miserable hell. at this point standing up made me queasy but i went back to my room and slowly opened two new garbage bags, one for my wet clothes and the other for if i had to puke again. i got up and took my smelly wet clothes hanging in the shower and stuffed them in the bag but had to take a breather. then i took the bag from inside the wastebasket, tied it up, and put in the new garbage bag and put it next to my bed if i had to puke again. then i climbed into bed in my velcro towel and headwrap and my mom stayed on with me until i was feeling better and she had to shower. been sipping my fluids to rehydrate. i laid in bed until i felt well enough to change into some pajamas. though i really wished i had someone who couldve … idk at least actively aided me though? idk why it’s always me bending over backwards for myself when im in fucking hell right now.

and here i am now writing this post. lol sorry needed to vent